Nerd Poker - The Mountain Campaign - Episode 8

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

New artifact! Giant ghost vanquished through persuasion! The crew is on a roll! So as long as the next thing they meet isn't, you know, omnipotent or something, they'll probably be fine. Oh right, a Total Party Kill is supposed to be possible this game. So it might be a god. Probably not though! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

Hello, listeners. Before we get to the goofy mayhem, we want to thank and congratulate some Patreon supporters who won our monthly drawings between seasons. Thank you to Brian Tinsley, and congratulations. Thank you to Handsome Mr. B, or Mr. B, and congratulations. Congratulations. And thank you. Two crows eating a dead rat. I guess congratulations on both winning the drawing and also that fine grade A rat that you discovered. And now. Hey, it's Brian Posain. Nerd Poker.

We're calling it the Mountain Campaign. My friends are here. Sarah, Chris, Blaine, Ken, Engineer Sam, and of course, our kick-ass DM, Dan Telfor. Welcome to Nerd Poker. Hey everybody, it's Brian Persain, and you're listening to Nerd Poker. It's episode 8 of the Mountain Campaign. Or you know what? If you're nasty.

My friends are here. I'm already mixing it up with the opening. Hello, Sarah. Oh, hi. How's it going? Good, good. Good. Chris, what's up, buddy?

I'm doing great. Sarah didn't like being in that spotlight right up top I didn't at first but then I turned and I did first I was like oh no yes this is how it should be Ken feeling good about this one Brian it's gonna be a good one

last time was fun too just minutes to go for us and if you're listening to them all in a row in your car that you now live in. Whoa. Hey. Hey. We're all going to be living in our cars soon.

That's the future. Thanks, AI. Blaine's here. Hey, I also have a good feeling about this because I checked my chart today and Mercury is in astro-blide. Gross. Dan's here. Gross. Hey! How you doing, pal? I agree with you that I'm going to kill everyone.

Aww. Why would you? Because it's fun for me. Sometimes people dare me to do it. What's more fun, having your friends like you? No, not these friends. I feel like I would respect it a lot if we all

die. I am trying. Characters. Oh! Never mind. Keep going. I thought this was going to get knives out-y. Sam. Hello, sweet children. How you doing, man? I'm good. Would you kill Sam, Dan? Would you?

It depends. Yes, that's a yes. Do you have a camera on ramen when you're gone? No, I don't. That's a good idea, though. What do you think he's doing? I know he's exactly what he's doing. He's laying on the bed belly up, farting. I mean,

nobody's got to. He barks like crazy when you're gone. Nope, just lays and farts. New Patreon level. You can zoom into my house. And then barks like crazy when you're gone. Nope. Just lays and farts. New Patreon level. Fart can. You can zoom into my house. Watch me do push-ups. Oh, man.

That's really like the thing. That's the thing I'm really missing on this Zoom episode. You think your dog's wearing a shirt right now? Nope. Folks, if we get enough people to sign up for Patreon, we will ask Sam for money to do an entire episode in his boxers. What? I'll work out here.

This is private between you and Sam. This is for the children who listen. I'm going to make them. Just the nerd poker only fans that we're working on. Oh, wow. That's a good idea, actually. Why don't you guys go back to your Greek face? My dice bikini.

I'll do some OnlyFans research. I was going to do it anyway. I'll let you know. Dice bikini. What could we be making? Good boy. But dice bikini. No. Whoa. Unbelievable. but dice bikini no

unbelievable is that the Andrew Dice Clay Only fans yes hickory dickory penis oh um finally he's no more entendres he gets down to business I can only afford the one entendre now

hey we got some... We have a fan... A fan? We have a fan? We have a friend at Sideshow Toys, and everybody really wants to have a friend at Sideshow Toys. If you don't already, they make the best stuff.

Rhodes and I have gone on the tour a couple of times now, and our buddy Andy over there sent us a box of goodies for nothing. We don't even have to mention them on air and how fucking awesome they are. But they have a whole D&D, what do you call it? Line. Yes. Basically, it's not D&. They, they had basically, it's not D and D,

but they have their own, um, RPG. It's called court of the dead. And, uh, the stuff looks super cool. And,

uh, they have, uh, miniatures and, uh, role playing books and you can start your own campaign, been playing court of the dead. And it seems like kind of a,

that's cool. Uh, kind of a that's cool uh kind of a metal themed uh almost d d group or not dnd but rpg yeah and uh they sent us uh books notebooks and uh journals sketchbooks journals and some miniatures looks like they have a module or something yeah yeah, yeah. But cool shit. Thanks, Andy. Thanks, Sideshow. Thank you, guys. Sideshow.com.

That is. Sideshow, Andy. They deliver everywhere. I have a bunch of great models and action figures and statues from Sideshow in my room. Your statue room? Dolls. Yes, my statue room. Including the dolls that I

sleep with, yes. What else? Oh, well how about I thank some patrons. Thank you to patron supporters who go by usernames like Krom. Thank you, Krom. Thanks, Krom. Thank you, Bojangles. I heard he did the old soft shoe.

Dance! Thank you, Blaineles. I heard he did the old soft shoe. Dance! Thank you, Blaine's impression of my speak and spell after my brother stepped on it. No, no, no, no, no. Thank you, Lord, for my two nutsacks. Why? I don't know. They don't live too long when they're born with two nutsacks. Thank you, Amit. Parenthetical.

Pronounced Amit Chafee. Chafee. Actually, I always remember, Amit, every time I read your name, that you were in my World of Warcraft guild 20 years ago. Wow. Thank you, Kay. Thank you, Aaron Howowitz. Howowitz.

Thank you, Brent Crineop. Thank you, TikTok's Copper Clock Cock. Thank you. I mean, I guess. Thank you, Docking to Dockin. Thank you, Blackwater Jack. Thank you, Jack Burton. Thank you, Doc Roxo. Thank you, Lanky Sasquatch.

And finally, thank you, Doc Roxo. Thank you, Lanky Sasquatch. And finally, thank you. Smack dab in the middle. Nice. Smack dab in the middle. Blaine, who are those supporters brought to us by? Supporters brought to us by Ambien. Go to sleep and get some stuff done around the house with Ambien. And Miss Construzies.

Do-do-do-do-de-da-da-da. Miss Construzies. I'm a walking nightmare. Arsenal of doom. I can kill conversation. I'm a walking nightmare Arsenal of doom I can kill conversation When I walk into a room I'm a three line whip I'm the sort of thing they ban

I'm a walking disaster I'm a demolition man Dan? Thank you Once I accidentally took an Ambien Instead of my thyroid medicine At eight in the morning Wow

Had an argument with a bird bath? bath no but i did have a cool conversation with an elvis costello poster on my wall oh he was like moving i just remember like is that moving he's moving one time he's got paint in the refrigerator i did take an ambient on accident i forget what it was but it was like in the it was in the morning it was in the morning i actually should not have taken it i think it was like it was a real oops well buterin or something i remember being in a meeting and like catching myself going like like in the meeting just making a noise why do i have a bathrobe on it bed bath and beyond oh wait this is yoshinoya all right well i believe it is time to talk about

all right well i believe it is time to talk about what happened last time oh my god that's right on nerd poker our heroes talked a giant into not murdering them with some burned beef jerky they've rubbed on blip uh you guys i feel like i have enough new information i want to describe to you that i'm going to skip the voice and just give you a proper narration now. But yeah, you made it up the stairs. And ahead of you is a very large chamber once clearly used by cloud giants, the likes of which you just dismissed one of the ghosts of. There is what looks like a small dwarven shop. there is what looks like a small dwarven shop. Juniper, you can see that the shop has a sort of smashed in sign that reads Vortel's Curiosity Hall.

And the doorway is mostly caved in with a small, just sort of like bit of air over it. And next to it is what looks like a huge gateway leading out of the mountain that has also been caved in probably used by giants who came in and out there you can see the outline of like what used to be a a hand carved stone sort of archway that has been smashed to pieces along with the roof above it, the wall above it, if you will, and just mountainous rock in a pile over that former exit from the mountain.

You know you're about halfway up. You're not sure how far literally you are because of the illusion that seemed to be keeping you going infinitely on the stairs. But now that you're past them, you feel like this sort of large antechamber was some sort of meeting place between the dwarves and the giants. You can sort of see there are signs that there used to be tables, benches of very small and very large sizes. There is probably some sort of negotiations, political meetings,

and very little is left. Most of it has been destroyed. And you can tell if you were to sort of wind through this chamber it sort of seems like it might be s-shaped around a couple of corners there would be this mysterious echo of an archfey that you heard slew the giant that you met on the stairwell um but yeah you have a moment here to sort of gather your surroundings, explore whatever you'd like. Juniper, great job figuring out the infinite

staircase. That was pretty cool. Thank you. I appreciate it. Great job really working as a team is what I would like to say because I think this is really our finest moment yet and I'm proud of us. Thanks for making my neck smell like jerky meow. like to say because i think this is really our finest moment yet and i'm proud of us thanks for making my neck smell like jerky meow in fact i'd like to propose a toast oh and i pass out little

little like paper bamboo cups for just a little just a little juniper can you do an insight check as you pass the cups out sure this is happening very quickly quickly. Sure. This is a flash in your mind. Or not. An insight check, you say? Yes. Okay. That's going to be 13. You briefly feel the weight in your pocket of the coin that says Glibbles as you hand a cup out to each of your friends.

Okay. I pour one out for Glibbles and then I give the rest of everybody and I mention that to... And I say to us to us cheers cheers will we ever find a leader i hope um he's staring right at mordecai what's happening with this store is it closed is it i mean it's very this looks like it's been a couple hundred a couple hundred years blocked off why don't we have now search the store yeah well you're the guy at the register perception check from everybody's you take in your surroundings no all right can i instead of searching the store can i make my perception check

more about the rubble that covers the archway that used to go outside? Yes. I got an eight. Is this perception or investigation? It's perception. Okay, 11. 15. 18.

So what was the high that wasn't He's checking the rubble. 15? 15 and 18 were the two highs? Okay, i'm gonna give you brian brian uh you're all kind of looking around and i would say the rest of you just see what i described earlier but brian you kind of are looking around and yeah you can tell the vortel's curiosity hall the dwarven magic shop that seems to have its doorway caved in a little bit there is a gap it's not big enough for any of you to naturally fit through except for maybe dallytale um it looks like the rocks

much like the large gateway i'm about to describe to chris have been caved in so deliberately sort of shut down it's been a long time since anyone's ever just dust over everything but as pish posh mentions maybe you could go in there you kind of like look it over and i'm like oh yeah we maybe at least send dallytail and that's not like probably up in the rocks dallytail you kind of look over at the large archway that used to be a way giants would come in and out of the mountain and you do kind of see like lashed diagonally out of where the archway must have once been it looks like there is some sort of uh burning lava rock and and you get the impression that this may have been done by the breath of glut the dragon that's that's what i was wondering it seems like glut has sealed this seems much fresher than the place itself.

It seems like this was a long abandoned city that Glut has pre... What's the word I'm looking for? Kind of like fortified. Fortified. Taken for herself, whatever that word is. Repurpose. Repurpose, thank you.

Repurpose for her own needs. A sort of very guarded city that she may have even tried to completely shut down but was too complex or small for her to fit through everything and she did her best to send certain guardians inside uh i will share this with the group and then i'm assuming they're telling me like mordecai is telling me i need to climb through that little hole so i'll do that at the magic shop and that's that's what he wants yeah yeah you manage no one else can really fit uh but you have no problem you're so much smaller than everyone else and you kind of just right through you you can tell how dark it is you have dark vision i do up to 60 feet okay there is a lot of heavy rubble in here it looks like there

is more lava rocks sort of streaking across the ceiling of this room where maybe some magma-like breath blew through the doorway so this this shop itself looks like it was probably sealed off by glut but you can tell there's heavy rocks and what may have been the original shelves you can sort of see the basic outlines of amongst the rebel but there's not a lot of room in here there's enough um for you to kind of walk about 20 feet in any direction but after that and it's an irregular shape the room probably used to be sort of oval or octagonal just sort of like not quite a perfect circle or square or anything but if most of the dimensions have been destroyed by whatever i think maybe i'd like to take a moment and be calm and sort of like maybe remember a time in the forest when like my magic

my spells were sort of strong i want to try and feel like because this is a magic shop right an ancient i want to try and see like is there anything magic near me that i can like you don't have to detect magic do you god damn that would be convenient uh how far does yours reach blaine i just asked you before the episode and yours would have clocked out by now but uh uh 30 feet it would occur to you dally till that you could call out and ask maybe your friend Blef to at least halfway through the room kind of tell you if he's catching any auras.

Yeah, that's what I would do. But please finish your thought too, Chris. No, I don't have any. You're just sort of hoping to sense magic? Well, yeah. But I think doing Blef's thing makes a lot more sense. I'm like, Blef, I'm trying to look for items. Can you tell me where?

Yeah. You get a sense that there is, let's see, what are the auras I'm talking about? There is an aura. Yeah. There is a conjuration aura that you're just getting little flickers of. It's very hard for you to sort of pin down because you can't see through uh there's also an enchantment or it's all under the rubble you can kind of tell just by sort of peeking through the hole but it's hard for you to do anything other than kind of like point the general

sort of like east side of the room can i dig through the rubble in that spot yeah so i'm gonna have you do an investigation check certainly and unfortunately it's going to be a disadvantage because it's very heavy rocket you're trying to scoot aside and you're a little fella okay 17 and 20 so holy shit yeah that's good i'll take the 17 investigation plus 219 oh baby okay you managed to wiggle yourself in a perfect pressure point between two large rocks and kind of knock it aside and find that there's like a little shelf that's perfectly intact and there are two leather bundles tied up very neatly it looks like the leather might crumble if you touched it but it is a wrap it's very formal wrapping uh something kind of uh about i'm trying to think of how it's like what like a foot and a half okay tall and then about half as wide and then another one that's much

smaller almost pocket sized all right well bundles i guess do i have enough time to bring them separately so i can be yeah you have complete access to both of them without any cave-sized all right well bundles i guess do i have enough time to bring them separately so i can be yeah you have complete access to both of them without any cave-ins all right i'll bring the delicate one first and hand that out to blep and she'll be careful it's crumbling and then i'll go back at the other one the smaller one yeah you managed to bring both out there are two leather bundles one of them is yeah kind of cracked, yeah. Then there's a smaller one. Okay. You stare at them for a while, as Blaine is

right now. Nothing happens. Choices are being considered. Pish Posh, you're a magic person. Do you want to take a look at these things? Yeah, I'll examine them, sure. Okay, can I get an Arcana check or investigation if you want to just literally rip them open and then look? Arcana is fine. Okay, can I get an Arcana check or investigation if you want to just literally rip them open and then look?

Arcana is fine. Okay. Damage anything? 19. You, without opening it, can tell one of these contains a book and one of them contains something mysterious. Perhaps a deck of cards or something.

Ooh. Secret Santa came early. Is there a reason we're not opening? Yeah, let's open them up. Cowardice? When you said tear it open, I thought I was going to damage it. You could. It's just wrapping.

Just untie it and unroll. Yeah, let's open it the way I open my Christmas present so that I can maybe think about using it again and then want it up later and throw it away. This is such nice paper, though. Yeah. Carefully open both packages. There is indeed a book in the first larger, older, cracked package. You can look over my shoulder at my laptop if you really want, Ken.

But that's sort of what it looks like it is it is large uh got sort of metallic seal in the middle front of it that looks like it's meant to represent something magical it's got a ruby in the center oh um and there are many bookmarks ancient and tattered can i read anything on the book it smells horrible okay book of shit Almost like it's an infinite chest. Is it made of skin? The second you open it, like, there's like this,

like, festering disease. Is it made of skin? Ooh. Um. I didn't want to open it. Not exactly, but,

but it does smell of rotting leather and the metallic lines built into the cover resemble sort of like rib cages. Oh, is it like death death is it necrotic

maybe it's the magic itself that makes it smell the aura that blep would be picking up off of it i believe is mostly enchantment but that is the book right the book the book is going to have a different aura than the spells it might have with us okay but i can't read any words oh let's see do you crack it open no i want to read the outside of the book there's no there's no writing on the outside of the book i don't really want to crack it open because i don't want to smell in the evil i mean it smells of death yeah i'm seeing evil dead one exactly and clocked up yeah but we have to listen to the tape we're not listening to the tape you could attune to the book if you cracked it open but you haven't cracked it open yet

is there a blurb or reviews let's see it doesn't seem like a good book it feels like it's a very powerful book that contains magic and it is upsetting to behold this book

I'm a cleric And it is upsetting to behold this book. I'm a cleric. Can I take a look at it and see if I can get a vibe off of it? If you would like to try a tuning to it with an Arcana track. Just because we're about to go against, we know, an Undead Archfey. It seems... 17. Well, I have good news. Good news.

Bad news. You open it up and you begin to take in the words. And now I would like you to roll a charisma saving throw. Fuck. Five. Something takes root in you and you begin to feel

a ruthlessness. A desire to get more things like this book, a desire to set aside the needs of your new friends, if necessary, and a coldness. I don't

normally do this, but for this particular item, which is an official Dungeons & Dragons item, it recommends that if you fail the save, you convert your alignment to neutral evil. So you get a level of selfishness within you that is without judgment, but it is very pervasive. You feel like your whole being is suddenly focused on getting as much out of this quest to get these eggs as possible and you get mulling over could i get money for this if i were able to take these eggs away before everyone are we watching him like turn evil like can we

see his eyes grow wide and a sneer across his face i'm gonna uh the uh the other package the other leather package I'm gonna knock it off the table alright so this Blaine is a book of vile darkness you cannot stop reading it it takes you a few minutes to sort of snap out of it you're

like oh there is so much in here for me to absorb that i feel like if i sat down with this tonight i could get a lot out of it and you begin to go oh we should take a break. I should try to convince my friends to set up camp so I can read more of this book. Okay. And so meanwhile, we're like, what's in the book? What's in the book? I'd like to cast Detect Thoughts. Okay.

Let's see. Detect Thoughts. So everyone's suspicious and knows that he's... You can see this look across his face where he's obsessed with this book all the time. His teeth are wider than his face.

My whiskers did the... He's not very... Everything disappears but his eyes and his smile. But also, he is a cat. So this is not like... You definitely sense this sort of... the evil intent that is washing over

his surface thoughts. Are you going to try to probe deeper? No, I think that's enough. I know that there's nothing good going on. Okay. Is it a spell or is the book cursed?

Can I tell? I would try to counter whatever is happening to him. It feels like it's happening. As soon as he started staring into the book, it's been done. Hey, put the book down. I don't know. It's very engaging.

Yeah. Can I get an investigation check from you as you continue to stare at it can he now put a tent 13 it's hard to tell but you get the impression this book was assembled by an arch lich someone who had achieved

on death a level of sentience to while undead that they were able to warp cleric-like spells into a path towards immortality so uh the arch lich that was that killed the frost giant or the cloud no and that that was not an arch lich that was arch fae so i may as well take a brief moment to remind everybody what an archfey is if you don't know this is there's the arch lich which is a horrible wizard that Blaine is reading the diary of basically but an archfey is a being from the feywild

usually a fey like being akin to say a dryad or a satyr and they have godlike powers and you believe what is around the bend of the antechamber that you just came to is the echo of an archfey which means this archfey died and its essence was found by glut and positioned there as a guardian oh so you haven't met or learned much

about it that can i tell him to put the book down it's up to blame what he wants to do though i've told him what he needs to know can i do it like do a persuasion i if you want to force him to put it down it's up to blaine or you can like do we're talking about like strength level stuff you gotta cast like a spell to make him right or with your hands force him what if you checked in with your god, though, about this book? I don't know if we want to bring him into this. Do we? Yes, this is...

Isn't this a wonderful time to talk to your tongue? Why? He's probably out of the office right now. No, he's always there. That's what's so great about God. Wow, Mordecai coming in. Mordecai's like some kind of youth pastor. You know, maybe I should just try

to get through as much of it as I can before I talk to anybody. I'm going to take the book away. And give a full report. Blaine. Yeah. Pishposh walks over to you and attempts to wrest the book from your hands.

Take it forcibly away from you. What do you do? Oh, I don't know if I want to. What do you do? I'm going to hold on to the book. Can I get competing strength checks from both of you? Twelve. You're a couple of magic users, so this isn't your specialty.

You nerds. Oh, shit. 12. You're a couple of magic users, so this isn't your specialty. Yeah. 19. You nerds. Oh, shit. He rips the book out of your hand. Oh. Sorry, friend. Can I sort of hop into his hands and make it like a hug?

Like, I want to replace the book and be like, wait, it's okay, friend. What if he squishes you? He won't squish me. This happens. Squirrel. What do you do? Squirrel. Oh, no. Wait, what do you do? Elaborate on that look you gave when you said squirrel. He's a neutral

evil cat whose squirrel just leapt into his... We all know what we're feeling right now. Do you still smell like jerky a little bit? You do. Oh, I do. They both do. Oh, that's right. He does. Yes, yes.

I gotta say, I love your aftershave. It smells delicious. We should probably keep her. Laura Kai's ready to separate them at any time. Okay, okay. You're still in his arms, I would say, unless you're going to tell me.

Maybe I'll sort of like scamper and try and hold his hand from the ground like Piglet and Pooh. Come on, we gotta go. Gotta go fight that archery now. I would like to throw the book down the stairs. Oh, no. Oh, wow.

I haven't even finished it I just got through the forward by it was spalding gray it was very very I was thinking out the side of the mountain but then I was like what if we need it to get rid of the curse I'm just go get it back but whoever uses it is going to get fucked

so okay you throw it down the stairs you see it just land about I don't know like 60 feet down I'm gonna Blaine do you react at all?

I'm sorry BRB you guys you run downstairs? try to restrain him somebody I'm still holding his hand I would like for you two to do competing up brb you guys meow you run downstairs i'm gonna try to restrain him somebody can i hold this here i'm still holding his hand can i i would like for you two to do competing strength checks oh shit this is catch eight oh boy uh is this really happening seven oh god i wrote the six i wanted so bad for the tiny squirrel to i'll jump into it well

brian i mean you're ready to separate it so before i will let you roll but before you do see blep start running towards the stairs with dally tail like clutched in his hand like being pulled through the air as if piglet needs to go on a very hurried errand with poo um you can run in um you're gonna what are you gonna do exactly when you say restraint like grab and knock him to the ground put him in a nelson what are you doing um yeah i'm gonna restrain him uh put me in a carrier all right let's get competing strength. Throw your jacket in there first. Strength checks from both of you, please. Bleb, you see your friend Mordecai running over to

grab you and stop you from running down the stairs. Oh, nice. I got an 11. I got a 20. 18 plus 2. You know, Dallytail, at this point, if you want, you can sort of back away and release out of his hand. Mordecai, just however you know, uh, Dallytail at this point, if you want, you can sort of back away and release out of his hand as Mordecai, just however you want.

Brian, just like grab him and, uh, how, how tall of a person is he? The book can't hurt you anymore. Oh no, he's a cat,

right? He's a, well, he's a tabaxi, which is a humanoid cat like being who is approximately the same height as a normal human. Okay. He's a bear.

Yeah, kind of. No, full Nelson. Blep, you are now in a full Nelson. Dallytail, what are you doing? I don't know. I'm sort of standing there like, we're all friends! And I'm still

neutral evil, right? Yes. Am I aware that I've changed? I would say it doesn't matter to you too much, no matter what. But yeah, you can tell. But to you, it more feels

like you've been waiting a long time for something as special as this book and you finally found it. Okay. All right. I get it. We're coming back this way, right? Oh, yes. Absolutely. You can totally pick it up later.

Okay. Well, all right. And let's be clear, when we come back, Blup's book, right? Where's the other package? First, can you three roll a deception check? And Blaine, can you roll an insight check? I mean, we are coming back

this way. Are you? Yeah, I assume so. How else do we get down off the mountain? Alright, you know what? Fair. No, you don't have to do a deception check. Blaine, you can take that if you like. You're coming back this way. Sure, I got a 19. So, yeah. Okay. But I do want to see where the other package was.

The other package is, I believe, wherever Dallytail left it. He knocked it off the table. On the floor. And it's wrapped up in cloth or something? In leather. It's sort of like a sheet of leather that has been tied up. You thought one felt like a book and one felt like... A deck of cards. Should I open the other one too?

No. Because maybe they're sad. I I open the other one too? No. Because maybe they're sad. I'm going to open it with a stick. I'm going to like unwrap it. You take your stick and kind of put it in the little loops of cord and pop it open. There is a deck of cards.

There is a piece of string holding it together. The top one seems to have some sort of circular design. Do I recognize the design? Can I get an Arcana check from you? Draw two, draw two, skip, reverse, skip, reverse. Thirteen. It is a drawing that represents the prime material plane. I have no idea what that means.

You know. I, Sarah. Do that means. You know. Hi, Sarah. Do you, Sarah, know? Yeah. I would say you, yeah, as a, as Juniper Sharp would just kind of go, oh, that's supposed to kind of mean the plane of existence we're all on, but whatever. Okay. I will examine it as well.

What do you mean by examine? A look at it? Yeah. Okay. As a sorcerer. A cancer, yeah. That's a 13. It is a deck of magic

cards. It looks like there is a plane drawing representing the material plane on the top card. If you were to pull up in the string, you might be able to see more cards. You'd have to touch it. Eh. I only know one deck of cards. You'd have to touch it. I only know

one deck of cards. Does it smell of death? Does it stink? Much less death stink. Go ahead, take a look. I'll take a look. You start counting around. Another Arcana check. Yes.

That's a 24. Wow! It's a natural 20 you begin to recognize as you go through the cards one's a symbol representing the nine house one is

a symbol representing the astral plane one represents pandemonium and you realize this is a deck of dimensions. The back of the cards in this deck are decorated with intricate designs representing different planes of existence.

The deck itself has a limited number of charges. You do believe that you could use some of the cards in ways that would channel different dimensions. Wow. Channel. But you'd have to attune to it. Got it. some of the cards in ways that would channel different dimensions.

Channel. But you'd have to attune to it. Got it. Okay, definitely attune to that. For sure. You'd have to take a couple hours. You'd have to set up camp to attune. I attune to it. Well,

much like there was an evil instinct within blet to want to set up camp and stare at this book for a few hours you now feel a much more wholesome interest in perhaps setting up camp to attune if you want to attune when we have a chance you have been traveling as it were for a few hours and could set up no let's go fight go fight this Fae. Unless you think we need the cards for fighting it. You could potentially use the cards when encountering it. How long will it take him?

Four hours. Do we want to do that? That's a short rest, right? Yeah. Do a short rest? The only downside would be if you only do a short rest, he's going to be attuning instead of recovering the hit points and he's the only one who lost hit points. Oh, I think he, I thought he was better.

I have short rest, he's an elixir of health, I guess. Yeah. Okay. Would you do that then? Yeah. Alright, roll first of all the hit points from the elixir of health to see if you get your full. Yeah, how do I do that? Let's see. It's a specific die roll, yeah.

Extra of health. I might just, maybe if I just touch it, it'll do it. It might be D&D Beyond. I'll just do that for you immediately. Oh, I have to, I guess, roll. Hmm. When you drink this potion, it cures any disease afflicting you, and it removes the blind, the deafened, paralyzed, and poisoned conditions.

The clear red liquid has tiny levels of light in it. So does that mean it doesn't give me health? Correct. You might want to ask someone else for a health potion if they have a health potion. I don't feel like we should waste a health potion. Well, I'm not going to because it doesn't help me anyway. I don't think we should waste a health potion either.

It sounds like you're not going to recover your health then. You're just going to focus on the cards. How many are you down? Because he's only down 10. Yeah, I'm not too bad. I'm really not too bad. Roll an Arcana check. All right, then.

Arcana check. That's a 16. Ooh, you are attuned to the deck of dimensions, my friend. But you guys can do a short rest if you want to recover key points or yeah like spell slots or short rests where you can't recover anything you can't unfortunately you've been attuning i'm just gonna add to my uh so i'm going to curl i'm gonna curl up and uh uh right in the middle of everyone and go to sleep. You can add the deck of dimensions. I will give that a chuckle.

Deck of dimensions is in the D&D Beyond database. It has six charges total. You can use this a total of six times. When holding it, you can expend one or more of the charges to use the following properties, which it can do a marked card as a bonus action you can expend one charge to draw a card from the deck place it in an unoccupied space within five feet of you and the card then becomes marked with an invisible sigil once in the next 24 hours as

an action you can speak the marked card's name and teleport to the card's location. You'll take all equipment with you. You'll appear in the closest unoccupied space to the card. After you teleport this way, or after 8 hours, the card returns to the deck and the mark on it fades. So it's like a jump disc. It can only be me, though. I can't pick anyone.

Correct. The second power of 3 that it has is a riffling portal. As an action, you can expend three of the six charges to cast an arcane gate spell from the deck. The deck vanishes, and fluttering cards create the spell's portal rings. And when the spell ends, the deck reappears in your possession. rings and when the spell ends the deck reappears in your possession. Arcane Gate means that you can

link a gate to another dimension. Shuffling Stride. Is that something I can bring other people with? Absolutely. The third is Shuffling Stride. As a bonus action you can expend one charge to throw a card

from the deck to an unoccupied space within 60 feet of yourself and teleport along with your equipment. And at dawn, you get to roll a d6 to get charges back. This is a very powerful item. And

you are now attuned to two things, the helmet and this, which means you are full up on attunement, I believe. All right. Oh, hey, so that helmet also should be glowing. It's glowing if it's dark, yeah. If we're around undead creatures. It's been glowing for a while.

Yeah. It's still glowing. Okay. So are we ready to go? going okay so are we ready to go uh dan while while my uh while my duplicate image was sleeping i went down the stairs and got the book can i get a constitution saving throw it as you go down the stairs cold-blooded uh 17 plus 3 20 you feel these like stinging needle-like pains in your feet sorry blaine who actually has a foot injury at the moment but uh you head down the stairs and back up and manage to have the book

back in your possession okay do you attempt to we see this or roll deception check blaine uh 15 minus 114 everybody roll a perception check and try to beat a 14. I guess we're short resting. So if I'm actually resting, then I was meditating or whatever. Everyone roll a perception check with disadvantage. To beat a 14. Well, that's a 1 then. So Juniper does not notice. 7.

Dallytail does not notice. Cocked. Brian. 8. 11. Fishposh does not notice. Cocked. Brian. Eight. Eleven. Fishposh does not notice. Nobody notices, as what he just said. And you do not take any damage from the stairs as you run up and down.

Do you attempt to then attune to it, or do you... No, I'm just going to have it in my... I just want it with me. Okay. I figured in case something happened And we weren't able to come back this way If you'd like to hop on D&D Beyond And add a book of vile darkness

To your inventory, you may Got it Dianetics Listeners Yes Uh-huh Sam, cut that out Sam, don't cut that out I don't cut that out

I wouldn't love to play in Germany Alright so You're done with your short rest We're gonna round the corner Should we sneak up We know it's there So maybe we can get the drop on it Or delay the land or something

Okay Do you sneak sneak Are we doing a pass without a trace Maybe we can get the drop on it or delay the land or something. Okay. Do you sneak sneak? Are we doing a pass without a trace? Are we stealthing? We can. Yeah, let's do a pass without a trace. All right.

So you get it. Everyone roll a stealth check and add 10, please. As you huddle up. 25. Oh, fuck balls. Well, 10. Yeah, I know. It's great.

21. 29. Add, fuckballs. Wow. 10. Yeah, I know. It's great. 21. 29. At 10? Yeah. 34. You all round the bend and yeah, I know, baby. You roll around the bend and see this huge chamber kind of twist,

right? Like I said, kind of an S shape. It looks like it used to be made for giants to kind of come and go from the gate but now you're going around the corner of an area you haven't been to before but you know from your map is let's see yeah you're

approaching stabby spike town an area full of torture-y shit as Glibbles wrote on on the map and before you can get to anything like a room full of torture equipment and

pools of blood as glibble drew glibble glibbles drew you see this huge shimmering pink membrane between you and the next chamber. It expands from the edge... No. It expands from

the edge of the ceiling, the floor, the right and the left walls. It covers everything. You very sneakily come around the bend and manage to, all of you, catch this with your gaze without drawing attention to yourself yourself you don't see any beings at the moment membrane it's not a being the membrane it's not a being uh you've just seen the membrane at the

moment it shimmers you feel like you have a moment before uh i will make you roll something again maybe no brain maybe we should pull back a little bit and talk about it. Your options right now are either to continue to look at it, move forward, or pull back and talk about it. Pull back and talk about it. Let's go insane in the membrane. What do you think that is, Juniper? Do I have any idea, actually?

If you have magic abilities, Everybody roll an arcana check. If you have magic abilities, please roll an arcana check. I have those. I have... That might be everybody but you, Brian. Sorry. Mine is just from the Fae Touched... My magic is just

from that, but it's a natural 20. Oh, shit. Do you have magic? I have 11. I got an 11. Well, Juniper has a lot of magical insight into this. Also, because you have a feat. Is it a feat? Mm-hmm. So, this is some sort of arcane barrier that has been cast.

It looks like it's a pretty high level. You're not sure how high, but it looks incredibly powerful. And you believe this archfey is probably either casting it, guarding it, continuously keeping it, something like that. It's probably nearby, and you would have to

engage it to get it to stop casting or kill it. Okay. Well, I'll explain that to everybody. Juniper, you did so good talking to the cloud guy before. Maybe you can talk to this one. I'm happy to try.

I mean, certainly if any violence can be avoided, that's always the best method. If that's what you'd like. Sure. All right. And Pish Posh too, you'd like. Sure. All right. And Pish Posh, too. You're an excellent ambassador. Sudipur sort of hesitantly is trying to figure out if she's being tricked, but she's going

to go ahead and assume the best of everyone, including Dallytail. Do you march around the corner with your friends and in the lead to get ready to... I don't know if they're behind me. I guess we'll find out. Oh, yeah. I'll join. I just meant... Oh, yeah.

I didn't mean to send you by yourself. No, no, no. So I'm just going to say, you can i support you no longer attempting to stealth your way around the corner you walk around the corner and this moment you come around the corner a being sort of pops into existence silently but just sort of pops into existence silently, but just sort of appears. They appear to be a satyr, if you're familiar with satyrs. They're about five and a half feet tall.

They have cloven feet. Sort of horns that twist out of the top of their head. Hey, me too. Not exactly the same in that this seems to be a fey creature rather than an infernal sort of heritage like you have um although you do you do get kind of like a we're we're of the same

look vibe um she narrows her eyes uh at you at the front of the group. And she says, I am the Echo of Del Dwen, Queen of Elk, Archfey of Merriwood Forest. What was the name again? Just real slow. Del Dwen. Del Dwen. Got it. Thank you. Who killed you? Well, hello and greetings.

I give her a drink. You offer her a beer? She stares at me. A mead a drink. You offer a beer? She stares at me. It's a mead, yeah. She stares. I just set it gently on the floor in between us. She stares. Are you well?

I am an echo of what I once was. Who destroyed you. Do a persuasion check, Brian. I'm going to let Mordecai do it. Okay, I got it. A persuasion. A persuasion. Persuasion.

Yeah. 17. A demon lord. Is he still around? She is. She's. Not here, but in the Nine Hells. Thank you for apologizing.

From the Ninth what? The Nine Hells. The Nine Hells. Hey, Meow Meow, we met your boyfriend, Lord of the Clouds. Meow Meow. She stares at you. Perhaps

there's some way we could help you find justice and retribution against this demon lord. I don't know why you asked me to roll these numbers. You said it with your mouth face. Well, it's a natural 20.

Oh, Plus what? Take that. Zero. Well, it was a crit. She stares at you long and hard, and you feel the fur on the back of your neck stand up straight. And then after what seems like a very long period of time, but a period of time where her gaze almost reaches back through your eyes and your brain and commands it to keep locking her gaze. She says,

you might, if you are powerful enough, do something. We wish to be of service to help you. We, we fight for you. Fight for me. Well, you are trapped here, yes?

Yes. Well? My echo cannot be easily dismissed. However, there are ways. I remember being in the Nine Hells, floating about before Glut captured me and brought me here. hells floating about before glut captured me and brought me here you could help me achieve rank so that I may take my own revenge hmm that's what huh she stares hey we could go to the nine hells with that with your Uno deck. Meow. I think I need more power as an Echo. Right now, I could not take revenge. I was slain at the

height of my power. Now I am a fraction of what I once was. I think it's more like we're the weapon. I don't think making you the weapon is going to work. She snorts. You are but an Echo. I could easily dispatch you as an echo. What was that?

Have fun being lonely. I mean, we're trying to help you. Roll an intimidation check, Dally 2. No, I don't have any good rolls. 15. You rolled great last time. She snorts. Lonely. You rolled great last time. She snorts. Lonely.

You know nothing of the infinite expanse that I have existed in. Lonely. Tell me, little squirrel. What is it that you would do for me? One who once had infinite power.

Some nuts. Some nuts. Who's nuts? These nuts. These motherfucking nuts. I suggest you leave. Kind of stand behind Juniper.

Would you like to return to the Nine Hells? No. Okay. But if I had power that you gifted me, perhaps. I don't like how you're talking to my friends. We're a team. I'm waiting for an offer of a gift. Sidebar.

One thing. You want to give her a deck? No, I don't think we want to give her a bunch of power. How about she can read my book when I'm done reading it? No. What? You say that? No. You don't have the book.

Wait, hold up, hold up. What do you say out loud right now oh uh I have a book she definitely turns her eyes to you he doesn't have a book he had a book but he doesn't have it no because I think that he doesn't have a book anymore fair

what book you the book he doesn't have the book anymore. Fair, fair, fair. What book? The book, we got rid of the book so that it wouldn't hurt you anymore. Remember? Pioneer Lady Cookbook. All right, deception check for Mordecai. As you try to dismiss the conversation. Stuff's better passing out.

I'm thinking if she wants something, maybe she could have that. Well, then you're going to have to tell us that you have past and now. I'm thinking if she wants something, maybe she could have it. Well, then you're going to have to tell us that you have it. And you're going to have to give it up, which I feel like. She rolls her eyes. You can grab it from her again. I know what would give me enough power. What?

What? Soul. Offer me a soul. A soul? You know what I said, demon. Soul. We have to find you a soul, man. Can't do it.

We're not doing that, though. I can see you carry a spare soul amongst you. I'm going. Simply hand it over, and I'll begin gathering my power for my revenge. And then I understand you could take me back to whatever dimension I please. Whatever dimension, whatever dimension, whatever dimension. Do you think you'd probably, do you think you'd probably,

how would you get the soul out of the coin? Greater restoration? Is that probably what you'd say? It's a coin, you say. Dolly Dale. Hmm? That's a nut. He meant nut. He meant nut. It's a nut yeah the coin and we will begin the conversation

you have to bone the coin and we will begin the conversation thoughts on this one i don't i think i think you're confused about the nature of this negotiation. Negotiation? Yeah. What are the terms of this negotiation? Well, we want to get through in order to

kill our common enemy. I want to hide. I'm going to cast a little casual detect thoughts on her. And you want us to get through to attack our common enemy, Glut. So it seems actually that we're on the same page. She rolls a 27 on her saving throw. I don't tell a damn thing. I said we all want the same thing.

So I think actually your sort of intransigence here is a little bit odd. We're looking for the same thing. So I think actually your sort of intransigence here is a little bit odd. We're looking for the same. Intransigence. Can I get an intimidation check from Juniper? Can you get a thesaurus check? I feel like isn't this more of a. Well, it doesn't actually. You're kind of talking down to her,

and that's enough in this situation for an intimidation check. No, definitely didn't work. If that's what I was trying to do. The satyr-like form in front of you begins to rise off the ground and expand in form. She goes from being about five and a half feet tall to about 10 feet tall, and then to about 20 feet tall. Large demon-like wings suddenly expand from her back.

The horns on her head begin to curl out farther and larger. And a large stone scythe begins to extend from her hand. Tell me again what you'll offer me. She's an echo. Large stone scythe begins to extend from her hand. Now she's... Tell me again what you'll offer me. She's an echo. Yeah, she's not that powerful. She's probably hurting her powers by doing this. Do you echo the thing that killed you?

Big showy thing. Is this what... This is what is left when a god is slain. I guess I'm trying to ask about the demon lord. If we went after the demon lord that slain you, is it like this? Roll a persuasion check. And then that'll be the end of the episode. Whatever this results in.

It's a natural one. Oh, no. Oh, my God. She raises her scythe and we'll have to find out what that means on the next episode of Nerd Puff. You got a 20. A 1.

Natural 20. You got a natural 20? Yeah, listen to Brian. Sam, what do you think of? Alright, episode 8. We're going through a room at the top of the stairs there's two bundles one is delicate one contains an upsetting book Blep opened it and got himself

haunted and turned evil Mordecai's gonna attempt to restrain Blep now we're attempting to sneak but there's a giant membrane separating us from the next room we met someone named Dweldwyn a ghost person from the nine hells who's trapped here it wants a coin from us she's giant now and turning into a demon.

They've become so, uh, so correct and straightforward, but like, just really like a, like a, like a cliff note. His new title here at nerd poker is dramaturge.

Yeah, it's really nice. Uh, anything you want to plug down? Yeah. Check out warped woods. My new monthly show at Bigfoot Lodge. We've got some

great comics. Last Monday's of the month it's free also so please come on by and yeah I'll be doing shows all over the place. I'm really great. Oh wow. Yeah. BrianPersane.com for tour dates and very soon

I will have comic books out there and i'll be plugging them and then uh always uh join us on patreon we love it if you do and it supports the show sorry we attribute the success saved mankind for joining us on this epi... You got walls and a roof? Well... On the next Nerd Poker, Freaky Friday gets pushed. Chris and Sarah have to reschedule

their dance recital and boxing match because Sarah can't dance and Chris hates violence. All of this, and Jacques Cousteau, uh, files a cease and desist order against Dan's Ouija board for filling his answering machine with whale songs on the next Nerd Poker. Thanks for listening to another episode of Nerd Poker. You can follow us at patreon.com slash nerdpoker,

and you get bonus episodes from there. And you can also send us anything at P.O. Box 16069, Encino, California, 91416. Thanks for listening.