Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Batman Returns (w/ Karen Han)
Episode Date: January 16, 2024Lauren and Nicole continue their deep dive into the Batman universe with very special guest Karen Han (Author of BONG JOON HO: DISSIDENT CINEMA) covering 1992’s Batman Returns. Michael Keat...on reprises his role as Batman, Danny DeVito reigns supreme over a sewer colony of penguins, and Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman whip stunt work is the definition of a one-take-wonder. What more could you possibly ask for?Next week's movie: Mask of the Phantasm (1993). Follow Karen: Instagram, TwitterLike the show? Rate Newcomers 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Nicole and Lauren to read on the pod!Follow the podcast on Letterboxd.Advertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Original.
I've been down here too long.
It's time for me to ascend.
From the sewers of Gotham, a new villain emerges.
In the waters of Gotham, a new villain emerges.
You didn't invite me, so I crashed!
From the rooftops of Gotham, the perfect enemy comes to life.
The perfect enemy comes to life.
I am Catwoman. Hear me roar.
Meow.
And the only one who can save this city...
is a creature of the night.
Hey, stud.
I thought we had something together.
We do.
While she craves a romance,
she can sink her claws into...
You can't nudge a girl like me.
...he plots a foul reign of destruction.
My dear penguins, thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish all of Gotham! Above Gotham looms its greatest hero. I forgot what we were doing. Batman Returns!
Forgot what we were doing.
Well, that was really good, actually.
I think so, too.
I practiced a little bit in the shower.
It was honestly so good that it threw me,
and then I forgot that I was supposed to say
a different thing at the end.
Thank you.
Yeah, it was really good.
I tried.
I'm Lauren Lapkus.
I'm Nicole Byer.
And this season of Newcomers, we are covering the Batman movies.
Yeah, wow.
Wow.
These movies are exhausting.
This is the third episode of our sixth season.
I can't believe I've watched.
It was a sixth season?
Yeah.
I've watched a lot of garbage.
Yeah, we really, it's all things we avoided our entire lives.
So it's pretty crazy.
For a good reason.
I know. So we're working our. For a good reason. I know.
So we're working our way through the Batman universe.
We're going to have fellow newcomers, super fans, maybe people who've contributed.
And this season will be 14 episodes culminating in a very exciting live stream episode.
So exciting.
I'm scared.
We'll cover as much as we can get to to get an overview of the franchise.
Obviously, we're not going to get to everything because Batman is a very deep world.
It goes on and on.
Yeah.
But today we'll be discussing the second Tim Burton Batman movie, Batman Returns, starring Michael Keaton.
Yes.
And the music was by Danny Elfman and the one before it was by Prince.
Weird fucking choice.
No, I like Tim Burton so much that it does a lot for me in these movies.
Hmm.
I'm not a Burton head.
Interesting.
So maybe that's why I wasn't feeling these movies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, Batman Returns.
We'll get into it.
Don't worry.
We'll dissect.
We're going to get into the nitty gritty.
So Batman Returns is available with a subscription to Max, Hulu, Prime Video.
You can watch it for a fee on Apple TV+.
Don't know why you'd do that or Google Play or Vudu.
We're going to spoil it.
So either watch it or don't.
Yeah.
I mean, you might.
I think there are people out there who listen to this show who don't want to watch the thing
and want to know what happens.
There's definitely a world where that's a thing.
Which is very funny.
I like it.
I've always wanted to watch it, but I'd rather listen to people talk about it.
I think it's like, my boyfriend's obsessed and I don't care,
but I want to know what's going on.
That feels like the world.
So we're doing a service to ladies everywhere.
We are.
And some gentlemen who aren't as nerdy.
And some non-binary people who don't want to be in it.
Literally everyone loves our show.
So we're so excited for our guest today.
Karen Han is a culture writer and screenwriter whose work has appeared in outlets such as
the New York Times, ever heard of it?
Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, and New York Magazine.
And she is the author of the book Bong Joon-ho Dissident Cinema.
Welcome back, Karen.
Yay, we're so glad you're here. We're going to talk Dissident Cinema. Welcome back, Karen. Yay. We're so glad
you're here. We're going to talk about Batman Returns. I was so excited to get this metaphorical
call to come back. Oh, my God. OK, so what is your relationship to the character of Batman or
to DC Comics in general? I would say I like Batman a lot of the DC characters. I feel like he's my
favorite, mostly because the villains are so good, which I feel like we'll probably
talk about in this episode. Can you just throw
out some DC characters? I was just
thinking that. I was like, I only know
of Batman. I'm like, I think I like
DC more than Marvel after getting into this.
Yeah, but I don't know.
Who else? Superman's the
big one. Yes, Superman,
Aquaman, Wonder Woman,
The Flash are the big ones. Aqu, Superman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, The Flash are the big ones.
Aquaman.
No, see, I famously always thought Aquaman was only from Entourage.
That's fair.
He goes to star in that movie, and I was like, they made up a fake superhero for Entourage.
I didn't watch Entourage, but I did watch Aquaman on a plane, and there was an octopus playing the drums.
Yeah.
And I laughed really hard.
That was terrific.
I've never seen it, so I don't know.
But I do know.
I can't tell you a single thing else that happens in the movie.
Yeah.
I've seen Entourage three times.
Really?
All of it?
That's impressive.
That's probably my most toxic trait.
Did I tell you I was on a plane with Jeremy Piven and he screamed at a flight attendant?
No.
What?
The flight attendant said, would you like water?
And he said, I'll let you know what I want.? And he said, I'll let you know what I want.
And I was like,
I'll let you know what I want.
It was wild.
It was American Airlines.
We went to the same high school,
different years.
I'm sure he yelled at a teacher or two.
Okay, so you love Batman,
but let's talk about
Spider-Man.
No, I'm kidding.
Let's talk about this movie
really quickly
before we really get into it.
Is this a movie
that you care about,
you've loved?
Yeah.
How do you feel about it?
I like it a lot.
I love this movie.
I love the Tim Burton
Batman movies in general.
I love the Batman movies
in general, I guess.
But this one,
I'm like,
I do think it's just
objectively good
as opposed to like
it's a good Batman movie
or it's a good superhero movie.
I do think it's a good movie which I feel like
is going to be controversial but
I'm so excited because I feel like
I have no idea what's to come
and so I guess we're kind of watching it like people
in real time yeah yeah what's coming
out in theaters next like we're literally
like this is the first
image of Batman that we have
and I mean I personally
really enjoyed it.
I really like Michael Keaton.
I really like Tim Burton.
So I feel like it is a combination of a lot of things I enjoy.
And I think this Tim Burton stylistic choices make me really happy and feel like cozy.
And like I'm watching just like a solid movie like Edward Scissorhands.
I did like Edward Scissorhands.
Mm hmm.
I think that's the only
Tim Burton movie that I've been like
mmm yummy
I'm not a huge Burton head
I was going to ask coming into this
we've covered the Burton angle now
but do you like Michael Keaton
I love him
but I'm also kind of like what do I love him from
I guess it's like Beetlejuice
but I can't name a ton of movies.
I'm like, can I name a single one?
But I just like him.
Because I've never seen Beetlejuice.
Right.
You've never seen Beetlejuice.
That's a fun one.
I know Michael Keaton.
Right.
What do I know him from?
Mr. Mom.
No.
Mr. Mom.
Yeah.
Wait, what other movies has Michael Keaton been in? Well, I just heard about a good one today called Night Shift. That's supposed to be really fun. Never. Yeah. Wait, what other movies has Michael Keaton been in?
Well, I just heard about a good one today called Night Shift that's supposed to be really fun.
Never seen that.
Never seen it.
He was in Spotlight.
Yes, never seen that.
Birdman.
Birdman.
I've seen Birdman.
I was going to say Birdman a second ago, but I went, where am I just thinking that?
Because he's Batman.
From Batman to Birdman.
That's a weird evolution.
That's his life.
That's so funny.
I guess I know him from one movie.
I know.
Well, I actually learned,
I learned today that he was a stand-up first.
He was a stand-up?
Yes.
I don't know Michael Keaton at all.
No, and I also learned from someone
that people were upset that he was Batman.
Yeah, yeah.
Before they saw him in it.
They did not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But this was before fan campaigns could change casting.
Yeah.
Oh, people would have changed. They like wrote in about it. Oh my God. But this was before fan campaigns could change casting. Yeah. Oh, people would have changed.
They like wrote in about it.
Oh, my goodness.
But it's too late.
No one can see it.
Wait, did Tim Burton only do two Batmans?
Yes.
Oh, I see.
So we're done with the Tim Burton universe.
Wow.
Okay.
Oh, I'm sad.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I can't wait to see what you guys think of the two that follow this one.
What are they?
It's Batman Forever and Batman... Batman Forever I know about, but I don't... I've never seen it. You like the soundtrack? I like the soundtrack. Okay. guys think of the two that follow this one so what are they uh it's batman forever forever i know
about but i don't i've never you like the soundtrack okay that's i mean that's fair yeah yeah
best part or the best part the music i have no idea what happens in those i know that
the man from a csi chris something o'donnell chris o'd something like that. He's in one, and Alicia Silverstone's in another.
Yeah, and I loved her, and I loved him,
and I said, I shan't see it.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I'm a big fan of everyone involved,
and I won't be watching.
Can't do it.
Can't do it.
All right, well, let's jump to a quick break,
and we are going to come back
with the entire plot of Batman Returns,
and I can't wait for you to hear it, everyone out there.
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OK, we're back. So Batman Returns was released June 19th, 2000. No, 1992.
I'm truly looking at this and I was like,
that's not a real year.
Yeah.
Written by Daniel Waters, directed by Tim Burton.
Okay, so thank you to the Batman fandom wiki
for help with this summary.
Oh, that's kind.
I know Anya had to really narrow it down.
So much happened.
It's a long film.
So I laid down to watch it last night
and then I was like let me go on my phone first because I'm really
actively not going on my phone while I watch
and then I that was 40 minutes
and then
I literally pressed play and I was like it's two hours
and then I'm like no be up so late
I just screwed myself over with this
I did the same thing I was like phone time
first cause I'm gonna John Milhiser
was like I need you to pay attention to one of my favorite
movies. Mike literally was like,
you can't be on your phone when you watch
the movies. And I was like, I know.
And he's like, no, really? And I was like,
I already thought about how I'm not going to.
He's like, yeah, right. I was like, no, I really
thought about it. I was like, it's my
plan. I'm not going to do it.
But I want to, but the
second I do, it's like, I've missed everything I'm I'm gone I'm now in an Instagram hole
yeah but then I started it again with like you I was like this is too damn long yeah so then I
started it again this morning at 8 a.m and I did not finish it until about 11 30 okay can I say
that's not helping you like it that's fair that's fair i kept falling asleep
in both sides morning and night and morning and night kept falling asleep i passed out during the
other one i was just like oh i can't get enough sleep i guess if i want to sleep i'll put on
batman wait here's another question though to get into this what did you guys think of batman so are
you on a high note coming into this movie or yeah i mean i'm pretty okay at this point because i liked the previous one okay enough
um and i'm more familiar with this one i had definitely seen it as a kid but like so i was
kind of like i like cat woman like i was kind of like let me i think this will be good i'm coming
into it kind of like not dreading it like i felt pretty excited to watch it yeah i came in hot with anger that i
needed to watch this that's fair um i i really i didn't like the first one really um i yeah there
was just things i didn't like so i was like this is gonna be terrible for me but i did like the
beginning yeah that was fun for me yeah the little basket
Paul Reubens yeah that was Paul Reubens
yeah wow she doesn't
recognize any here's what I recognize in this movie
at the end the man
from the train in the movie ghost has a
very big part in this movie
and I was like oh my god get off my train
a really fun part
you've probably seen that movie a hundred times
oh yeah oh yeah baby to the point where he flashed on screen my train! A really fun part. You've probably seen that movie a hundred times. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, baby.
To the point where he flashed on screen
and I was like, my friend! He actually was
jealous of his part because he had
that thing with the machine gun
coming out of it and I was like, this is a cool part.
He got to be cool. They don't have
character actors the way they used to. It's not
the same and it's not fair.
This is why I love this though because I was like, I want to
be in this. This is like a really fun,
everyone gets to do something weird.
Everyone's got a fun costume.
You could say or do anything
and it like works.
It's like,
it's really cool.
I will say,
thematically,
I did enjoy it.
I really did like the costumes
and then like watching the credits,
it was like some people
had personal costumers
and personal makeup artists
and I was like,
oh, I love that.
You accommodated somebody with the way they wanted to look with the people and I was like, oh, I love that. You accommodated somebody
with the way they wanted
to look with the people
who they worked best with
and I thought that
this film had a lot
of collaboration maybe
and I liked that a lot.
And Catwoman, I guess,
okay, I really liked Catwoman
and I really liked Danny DeVito.
Give them a spin off.
They're both amazing.
They were really great.
They're amazing
and the costumes are so,
I mean, Michelle Pfeiffer,
she looks so beautiful when she's the nerd and when she's the cow are so I mean Michelle Pfeiffer she looks so beautiful
when she's a nerd
and when she's the cowgirl
I was like
it's not fair
you can't be both
but then I was confused
because I was like
what happened to
other glasses lady
who's also a blonde
you mean Kim Basinger
yeah
oh I wondered that too
because they referenced her
a little bit
but then I was like
they broke up I guess
he's down for whatever
it wasn't that long with her I don't know then I was like they broke up I guess. He's down for whatever. It wasn't that long with her.
I don't know. I feel like the implication
is like he told her
she figured out that he's Batman and then it was like
actually no. Thanks.
Yeah it's like the mystery is gone.
That's funny. But they always figure out that
it's him. Yeah. But like
maybe that's what it is. He's like once people figure out
who I am really. We gotta talk about
when he reveals it.
We'll get there.
Oh, when he ripped off his mask and you could see the rip marks?
I was like, this is not durable.
There's way up several questions.
Like, how many of those do you have?
Well, we saw it when he picked out.
He had like four.
He had a bunch.
And I was like, what denotes the one to wear today?
Yeah.
And can you stop ripping them off to reveal your head?
Also, how much do these cost?
Do you have to rip to get out of it in general?
Oh my God.
Imagine they're all tearaways and he has to peel out every day.
And Winston or whatever his name is.
Also, on top of it not being durable and ripping it off, Catwoman's little makeshift claw really got at him.
And I was like, but you can take a bullet?
You got sliced
through that fucking thing?
Wild.
Like foam.
I know.
We gotta just tell everyone
what happens
because we're jumping ahead.
So
we're really starting
at the beginning.
So after seeing their son
kill their pet cat
Tucker and Esther
cobble pot
which is Paul Robbins.
Snatch the cat
into its jail crib
and ate it?
Yeah.
I was like you've already set up your child for this.
Right.
You put him in a little cage.
Yeah, because it had weird claws.
Which came first,
the eating the cat or being locked in a cage?
Like, I'd eat a cat if I got locked in a cage
for long enough.
Exactly.
So they're an aristocratic couple.
They throw him into the river.
And we later learn that a flock of penguins
living in the sewers underneath
Gotham City rescued him and raises him.
33 years later, the child becomes the
criminal penguin Danny DeVito. One, not
33, okay?
Unless the penguins
are living rough,
you are not 33 years old.
His ass is his back.
It truly is. His knees are his chest.
He looks like
a sack of potatoes
he's the weirdest
guy
it's the funniest
time skip possible
because they're like
33 years later
and Danny DeVito's like
in his late 40s
why is it
just say 40 years later
that's just what happens
when you live in the sewer
or like many years later
but also
I was like
these penguins
changed a diaper
these penguins
sewed some clothes
well I don't think
it's a clean diaper i feel like that's a lot of his anger is that he like didn't he his teeth are
black and yeah they are maybe the ugliest person i've ever seen in my life i his whole thing then
i was like because we talked about fucking the previous penguin in 1966 yes rather fuck that one
i would rather fuck that one i could not fuck danny devito looking like
that it would be so scary that's not to say i would not fuck danny devito because out of the
makeup i would yeah he's an attractive man very attractive very charming uh so we all agree we
love danny devito okay it goes brad pitt danny devito next we meet max shrek christopher walken Danny DeVito. Okay. Hit me up. It goes Brad Pitt, Danny DeVito.
Next we meet Max Schreck, Christopher Walken, a corrupt businessman.
Amazing cast.
Who is proposing a power plant project to Gotham's mayor who rejects the idea.
We also meet the timid and frazzled Selena Kyle, Michelle Pfeiffer, his secretary, who tries to interject with a proposal but then gets rebuffed.
Max and the mayor then speak
at the Gotham Christmas tree lighting.
And I was like, is this a Christmas movie?
First thing, I was like,
this is a Christmas movie?
Is this considered a Christmas movie?
Christmas is the whole time.
Yes, it's Christmas.
It's the whole time?
It's completely lit.
Which gets literally lit.
It's completely lit?
I literally meant lights.
It's completely lit!
Which gets interrupted by
the appearance of a giant fake Christmas tree
revealing a gang of criminals dressed as clowns
and skeletons who shoot at the crowd.
Don't we love them? They are very fun.
They were really fun. I liked how that was. I liked
that theme for them. And then
I also liked, my question was
the skeletons with the big head. Is that
their head or is that a mask?
Because then they'd get hit and they'd be spinning around and I'm like head is that their head or is that a mask because then they'd get
like hit and they'd be spinning around i'm like is that its head i think it might have been a mask
gotta be a mask yeah right right i like the idea of those being like just freaks out just like
with like weird heads but they like planned for being hit with the mask yeah if we get smacked
the eyes have to do yeah um let's see the police turn on the bat signal and Batman Michael Keaton races to the scene.
I got to say, the way Batman flies and lands is so stupid.
With his zip line?
Just the way he lands with his little feet together.
Oh, yeah.
And his arms out.
And then the cape is so big.
I'm like, this is...
I know.
Truly.
But his car...
Okay.
Yes.
The car is beautiful.
It was reminding me of those 90s pencil cases where like the things would pop out because
he was like getting every guy with like a piece of it.
Yeah, yeah.
And it was, oh, that just took me back.
Okay.
One of the clowns tries to take Selena hostage, but Batman saves her and also asks her her
weight.
Wait, is that the first movie?
Dude, both movies did that.
Both movies did that.
The first, the previous one that we already watched is like, he's like, how much do you
weigh?
And she's like, 108.
And then he takes her and he's like, get in.
And I actually was like, you aren't 108.
I didn't think so either.
And then he's like, you really weren't 108.
And I was like, this is really weird.
And then this one, she's like, they think Catwoman weighs 140.
And I was like, why is that the thing?
It's weird.
I'm like, they're already beautiful blonde women.
Let them live.
It has nothing to, it's just so embarrassing.
She's like like so skinny
I know
and it was just weird
because it wasn't
like the point
he was making
they were like
saying that Batman
kept messing up
or something
I was like
it should be
something kind of
comparable for her
with the news
like it shouldn't
be that they said
she was 140 pounds
I don't think
they would even say that
no that's an
interesting news report
yeah
new villain
140 pounds I can't it sucks maybe at that time. 140 pounds.
I can't.
It sucks.
Anyway.
I know,
it's so weird.
The criminals kidnapped Shrek,
which I just like that it was Shrek.
It is funny that his name is Shrek.
Add a nice layer.
And we see that they were sent by the Penguin.
Penguin blackmailed Shrek with evidence of his corporate crimes
into helping him become a citizen of Gotham.
Meanwhile,
Max finds out that Selina has found out
about Max's plans to build a power plant,
which will drain Gotham City of its electricity.
Which is like, what?
I know, and I was really confused by that scene
because she's like, I'm just working late.
I guessed your password.
It's the name of your dog.
And then she's like, and it looks like
you have this horrible plan that I respect.
And then I just didn't get why.
I mean, it's all the origin story of her becoming Catwoman, but I just didn't see how we got there exactly.
But whatever.
So Max tries to get rid of her by pushing her out of a window, which I was shocked by that.
Violent.
They're having a sort of, what's the word?
Like an intimate conversation where he looks like he might lean in and kiss her
and then he's also being really mean
and then he laughs
and then he pushes her
when she's like
got her defenses down
yes
and it's actually pretty crazy
she falls very far
so far
through the Shrek
the Shrek mascot is a big cat
which I thought was really cute and fun
and I wish more things were like that
where like it was just like
stores that had like I wish like stores that had like,
I wish like Sears had like a big fun mascot.
You know, I don't, Sears would,
I don't think it exists anymore.
I think it does some, in some places,
maybe like Minnesota.
Let's go to Sears and then the Applebee's.
And Kohl's.
And Kohl's.
And Kohl's.
So he pushed her out the window,
but she lands on the ground.
She clearly would have been dead,
but she has no blood at all.
And then a flock of alley cats lick her corpse, reviving her.
She returns home.
I love her apartment.
Me too.
And I love her whole little quirkiness in her apartment.
And she gets home and she has her little phrase where she's like,
Hi, honey, I'm home.
Oh, I forgot.
I'm not married.
I'm not married.
And she's cute.
And now she's kind of like dazed and crazed.
And she becomes triggered by a telemarketer ad
for perfume
manufactured by one
of Shrek's subsidiaries
and wrecks her apartment
which was a really fun scene.
And she then goes
in her closet
and makes a cat suit
out of black vinyl
becoming Catwoman
and she is maybe
the hottest person ever.
She's so hot, right?
Yeah, it's nuts.
She's so hot.
I also really liked
that she pulls out
this trench coat
and then starts sewing it
and you see the thread is white.
Yeah.
So like it then makes sense later.
I know.
It was so cool.
I really, really liked it.
Okay.
And she knocks out, she has like a neon sign that says hello there.
The sign is iconic.
And it's like, hello here.
Oh, Lauren.
I was like, how'd they come up with that?
I was like, I think it was really collaborative.
Yeah, yeah.
I think Tim Burton was like, oh, I'll hear an idea.
And whatever set dresser or set designer was like, this.
And he was like, yes.
Does she say hello there or ever?
I don't think so.
Because I didn't know if that was her phrase or something.
No.
No, right?
I think it was just a cute neon sign in her apartment.
I liked it.
I also loved the head-to-toe like rose gold pink.
Everything was just, oh, I loved it.
Meanwhile, Shrek arranges for the Penguin to rescue the mayor's infant child from his own gang members
to integrate Penguin with Gotham citizens.
The plan works, which is so wild.
And Penguin becomes a hero to all except Bruce Wayne, who remains skeptical.
It's like so easy yes for him to become yeah
Gotham citizens are dumb I just I'm like he's clearly penny wise at Jason like yeah he climbs
out of his sewer he's disgusting yeah his teeth are sharp and black but he saved a baby what's
the problem that thing was so weird so they took the baby from the woman yeah and she's like oh and like i'm like okay that's terrifying just a joker just took it down
and then it comes up in the arms of the most vile creature and she's like huh i was like watching
the woman she's like yay the dialogue does so much work where the clown's like oh no the penguin
don't hurt me here's the baby and then the penguin comes up and clown's like, oh no, the penguin, don't hurt me, here's the baby.
And then the penguin comes up and it's like, okay, okay, I see.
It's funny that he doesn't try to class himself up.
No, he never brushes his teeth, brushes his hair.
Brush your hair, your teeth.
Can we get a braid?
I mean, I'm jumping ahead a little.
A little concealer.
The entire scene where Max Schreck has set up his campaign and then brings him down as
a surprise and he's still wearing that onesie
and it's like you
wouldn't tell him to
change like at all.
He has like a dirty
ass.
It's like so gross.
And it's like why
white?
White gets dirty so
often.
Penguins are black.
I think he has one
outfit.
I think that's it.
And the penguins
no do we think those
were people inside
there or were they
There's some I
believe it's some
animatronics some people and some real ones.
Whoa.
Okay.
The scene when we see his lair initially and then there's like penguins like diving all
around.
It looks so cool.
Yeah.
I guess those are real.
Yeah.
Apparently the penguins had a great time on the movie because by the time the movie ended,
they'd had a bunch of babies, which is like a sign that they're happy.
Oh, cute.
How wild.
They were like, we love our leader.
Danny DeVito.
They want to stay there.
They got put back in the wild.
Where's Danny?
Where's my dad?
Where's Penguin?
So Bruce goes to see Shrek
and I do picture Donkey
like every time I see Shrek.
So he goes to talk about the power plant proposal and the penguins gang and their conversation is interrupted by Selena, who has a whole new disposition and haircut.
And both men are clearly taken aback by her.
Bruce seems smitten and Shrek is obviously surprised she's still alive.
And I love that Bruce is immediately like, this lady seems a little unhinged.
Yeah, I know.
He loves it.
It's like Borderline the Wolf.
Yeah.
And also, can we talk about Shrek's son?
He's so great.
It's just like doing a Christopher Walken impression.
Like the tall blonde guy who at the beginning is like,
Dad, run for your life.
I can't do this.
Dad, run for your life.
That choice is so perfect.
To cast someone who looks like a bodybuilder
and then he sounds like that. It's amazing. I know. It's so perfect. To cast someone who looks like a bodybuilder and then he sounds like that.
It's amazing.
I know.
It's so funny.
Putting on a melodramatic show for the press in a cemetery, Penguin publicly forgives his parents,
reveals that his name is actually Oswald Cobblepot.
That made me laugh so hard.
And wins more hearts and minds, becoming a media sensation.
I was like, truly, these people are idiots.
Yeah.
hearts and minds becoming a media sensation.
I was like, truly, these people are idiots. Yeah. Shrek decides to use
Oswald's fame to his own
advantage, persuading him to run for
mayor, which is insane, to remove the
final obstacle to building a new power plant.
Yeah. Okay. We'll just
keep going here for a second.
As part of his election campaign, Penguin
sends his Red Triangle Circus gang to
start a riot. Why is Penguin's gang
clowns? i don't is
that a thing from the like do you not really it's not really a thing i believe they made up some
stuff for this movie and the idea is that they met at some indeterminate point prior to the movie
happening and get along okay i thought it worked because it was just it was just chaotic enough for
me to feel i just wish it was more like duck, bird-like things.
Like that duck thing he rode.
Oh, I screamed.
I love a duck.
The duck car is amazing.
Oh, you went to that rubber duck store in Amsterdam?
Oh.
I was jealous of that.
I cried.
Oh, my God.
There were so many ducks.
Oh, my God.
And I love ducks.
Did you get a bunch?
I got so many that when I flew out of the Amsterdam airport,
they flagged my bag, took them out one by one and laughed at me.
No.
Because I had a Sonic duck.
It looks like you're running a carnival game.
You had a Sonic duck?
I got a Sonic duck.
A shared duck with a dress by Bob Quacky.
If I could turn quack time.
Oh, my God.
Screamed.
Do you put them in the tub?
No.
Okay.
Those are collector's items.
I'm leaving shared duck in her box.
Wait, I did not know this about you.
Very quickly, is it just rubber ducks
or is it just duck in general?
Boy, I love a beautiful duck.
I feel like you're alone in that.
Oh, I'm fully alone.
I don't think I've ever heard anyone be like,
I love ducks.
Yeah, it's a weird thing
I like it that you like it
a beach duck
a pink duck
I call every bird a duck
a flamingo is a pink duck
oh okay
so it's
a beach duck
is a seagull
a really wide range
I just love a bird
anything that flies
anything that flies
has a wing
they get to be free
but not bats
bats aren't ducks
the classification
of it flies
and has wings
that's the dumbest
sentence
you are right
you are fully right
and I responded
with something wild
and dumb
bats aren't ducks
but no
you're right
I mean I understand
but bats aren't ducks
and this is where
we learn
I'm insane
no I mean
everything I've said
so far is horrible
so let's see where did I've said so far is horrible. So let's see.
Where did I leave off?
They're prepping for his campaign.
Okay.
Oh, the last.
Okay.
So they're.
Okay.
So you say.
Okay.
Batman tries to fight the gang to regain order, pulling out a batarang to attack a bunch of
the criminals at once.
What's a batarang?
Oh, it's the thing.
It's a frisbee that the dog catches.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, Catwoman uses the chaos to vandalize Shrek's department store to get her revenge on Shrek.
Outside the store, Batman and Penguin confront one another,
but soon Catwoman sidles up and the department store explodes behind her.
Penguin escapes by flying off on his umbrella, which he has a bunch of those.
Yeah, it's fun.
What I like is that Batman full stops and watches him go,
and I'm like, I would also not rush to my next appointment
yeah
and I do wonder like
you're kind of wondering
if he's gonna slip off
and like
it's just
he lands in a splat
yeah
so he leaves Catwoman
and Batman
to fight it out
and Catwoman
sticks her claws
into Batman's stomach
and he pushes her
off a rooftop
but a truck carrying
kitty litter
saves her fall
now do you feel like
that's not how you
transport kitty litter
and I know well no I mean but do you feel like... That's not how you transport kitty litter, and I know that.
Well, no.
I mean...
Okay.
But that scene to me was like,
that was really imprinted in my mind from childhood.
I don't know...
Or the fall, specifically?
Yeah, the kitty litter thing where she's like,
I don't know what...
Saved by some kitty litter.
Yeah, yeah.
But I feel like that played a lot in my life or something.
I don't know.
No one relates, so it's clearly my fault.
I like that scene
because she was like
on the floor
and she's like,
you're hitting a woman?
And he's like,
oh, sorry.
And then she's like,
hi-yah!
He's so quickly,
it's like,
you're totally right.
Which is so wild.
I'm like,
this woman's trying to kill you.
And then I did like her
damaging the stuff
in the store
with her little whip.
Yeah,
and we were talking beforehand
about how there's that,
you can watch that scene online of her, like, nailing that shot,
where she just hits every single mannequin head off.
I'm like, that must have felt amazing.
Yeah.
You practice your whip work, and then you, like, nail it
and get all of them in one.
She's perfect.
She's so perfect.
If only I could do that.
The next day, Penguin and Catwoman collaborate on a plan to frame Batman as a criminal
rather than kill him.
Meanwhile, Bruce and Selina run into each other
on the street and they begin a romantic relationship.
I always love in these things
how people don't recognize each other.
It's dumb.
The mouths on these people.
Also, one thing I've always known
is if you're ever attacked by somebody,
you're supposed to look at their chin
because in the lineup,
you would be able to remember that
more than like the general face.
Like if you were focused on like the lower part of the face
and just tried to memorize that while it was happening,
if you were not able to get away.
I did not know that.
Yeah.
I don't know why that's,
that's probably from Oprah or something.
But anyway.
So I always think I'm like,
you don't recognize that chin?
I'm like, you've been staring at that chin.
It's all you can see on him.
I mean, I agree.
I recognize so many people like wearing a mask from like behind yeah like is that my friend
i know like when you see someone in the grocery store with a mask on and that's my friend or a
person i met one time right i don't know okay so at the same time penguin kidnaps ice princess
an actress chosen to turn on gotham city's Christmas tree lights. That part, I was like, that
would definitely be played by...
Fuck, what is her name? She did the
new Charlie's Angels movie. She's in The Hunger
Games. She's a blonde lady. Elizabeth Banks.
Yeah, I was like, she looks like Elizabeth Banks.
Oh my god, totally.
Earlier in her career, if it was made earlier
in her career. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The news of Ice Princess...
I wonder if that's where Ice Spice got her name.
Anyway, kidnapping interrupts Bruce and Selina's date.
They both sneak off to deal with the situation.
Though Batman finds Ice Princess, Catwoman intercepts,
leading her to a rooftop where Penguin coaxes her
to fall to her death.
To the public, her death seems like Batman's fault,
but Penguin and Catwoman's alliance falls apart
when Catwoman rebuffs Penguin's sexual advantage.
I just, like, why wouldn't she sleep with him?
Just kidding.
I mean, that scene was so gross.
He's the horniest character.
He's so horny.
He just got out of the sewer.
Why don't we live together, and then I'll come home,
and I'll say, hi, honey.
Think about this.
You're nasty.
You lived in a sewer for 33 of the hardest years
of anyone's life.
Yeah.
You finally get above ground ground and you're like,
whoa, there's more than just penguins and clowns.
There's beautiful women.
I would try my hardest to get one.
What do you think, like, I mean,
penguins only seen penguins really?
Mm-hmm.
Kind of, right?
Yeah.
So does he know what to sexually be attracted to?
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I think so.
It's just innate.
Yeah.
He was like, in Awakening, he's like,
oh, I want a woman
yeah
and not
Marissa the Penguin
laying on the bed
so seductively
but that's just her vibe
that's true
so he wants to kill her
and then
in the Batmobile
Batman realizes
that Penguin's gang
has installed a device
in the vehicle
that gives Penguin
control of the car
I enjoyed this
this part is scary
he's like on the TV
like meh
oh it was great
he was like moving around
he was bouncing around in a way that made me laugh so hard think about being I enjoyed this. This part is scary. He's like on the TV like, meh. Oh, it was great. He was like moving around.
He was bouncing around in a way that made me laugh so hard.
Think about being in that costume.
Danny DeVito had the world as his playground.
Anything he did would be like scary, funny, everything.
It's amazing prosthetics, don't you think? Yeah, I think they did a really great job.
It would be so cool.
So, okay.
Then during Penguin's election rally bruce
bruce plays a recording of penguin insulting the people of gotham which turns the public against
him and rage is somewhat different post trump election yeah it wasn't enough it kept the same
line over and i was like yeah i was like doesn't it get worse there's a lot more once again it's
like what's the problem yeah he's like those. I was like, and he said more after that.
They were like, we're dumb?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
So he's enraged and he flees into the sewers, renouncing humanity, his humanity.
And he reveals his secret plan.
Kidnap and kill the firstborn sons of Gotham's most prominent citizens by drowning them in
the toxic waste from Shrek's plant as revenge against what was done to him.
Now, I felt like...
Weird plan. New plot entirely. Yes. Now, I felt like. Weird plan.
New plot entirely.
Yes.
Brought in kind of late.
Yes.
Now he's after the firstborn.
I was like, didn't you have a whole thing you were just doing?
And then I felt that.
Yes.
That was where the second hour was really coming into play.
I felt like a lot of the villainous plans were just arbitrary.
Yeah.
I was like, how is this getting back to, I guess it's toxic waste and it's Shrek's plant,
but I'm like, oh, I got to connect those dots.
It's sort of getting back at Gotham because they said, we don't want you, you're gross.
And he's like, oh, I'll show you gross.
Yeah, you didn't want me because I was gross.
And so now I'm going to do that to you.
We have so much more of this.
Meanwhile, Selina attends a ball hosted by Shrek intending to kill him. While dancing with Bruce, however, the two realize the other's secret identity.
Only from the lines that they said.
They repeat lines they said already.
Where, what is it like?
A kiss can be deadly.
Yes, something like that.
Something, something.
And then they trade, they reverse the lines.
And then it's like, wait.
What?
You said what I said.
I said what you said.
I'm a bat, you're a you said you must be a little bit yeah
before they could before they could do anything about it penguin storms the hall demanding to
take shrek's son chip shrek proceed chip shrek chip shipwreck shipwreck shipwreck
shrek persuades penguin to take him instead and br and Selina take off. Now, I think, at this point, I'm thinking,
power couple, you guys should be together.
Just do it.
Team up.
Why not?
So, Bruce, now as Batman,
attacks Penguin's Red Triangle circus goons
and puts a stop to the kidnappings.
However, Penguin has a backup plan.
An army of rocket-armed penguins
dispatched to bomb Gotham Plaza.
He's thought about this, like, stunningly far ahead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, if that one doesn't work, then I'll do that.
If that one doesn't work, then...
But Batman manages to jam their control signals
and turn the birds around so that they attack the base instead.
Batman confronts the penguin before he can escape,
swarming him with a flock of bats,
which causes him to fall through a skylight into toxic waste.
There's a lot of toxic waste in Gotham City
that I think
somebody's got to clean up.
The city itself is so dingy
and like bad looking.
Like you sort of think
it's like New York.
Like, I don't know,
I guess I sort of like
it's like New York
when you see the skyline.
But then when you're in any street,
it's like the dirtiest, worst.
Like it looks really bad.
I think Jack Nicholson
says in the first one,
he's like,
decent people don't live in Gotham.
And I was like, well, why not? Why can't
nice people live here? And clean it up.
And why do bad people want to live by each
other? I don't know, so they could do bad
together.
Batman glides through the broken skylight and
discovers Catwoman has come to kill Shrek.
He tries, with little luck, to talk her
out of it. He wants Shrek to face justice
with the police.
During this, Shrek draws a gun he took in the confusion and attempts to kill them both.
Batman is shot once, while Catwoman's hit four times.
Miraculously, only getting hit in the limbs.
And now why do we never shoot Batman in the head?
Like, I don't want him to get shot in the head. I agree.
I don't know.
I'm just like, that's clearly not protected.
But also, it's just the front part of his chest.
Because Catwoman digs into his sign, and it's just the, like, the front part of his chest. Right.
Because Catwoman digs into his sign.
And it's ripped to shreds.
And it's just cotton.
Yeah.
It's just cotton.
It's just a t-shirt.
You know,
just a little t-shirt material.
While Shrek looks at his revolver in disbelief,
she decides on a murder-suicide
by putting her stun gun under Shrek's chin
while poetically giving him a kiss of death.
So she's kissing.
This part I thought was odd.
Yeah.
She like put her mouth up to his while she's doing the stun gun thing.
Is he actually kissing?
I don't know.
It looked like it was like she's going to be affected by whatever's happening to him.
Oh, I had an idea where she's using a life on this.
Oh, she, oh. Using using a life because she gets nine
lives she does yeah because when he keeps shooting her she's like that's four that's five oh funny i
was like well i guess she's counting i guess she's having a nice time okay so uh so simultaneously
pulling a cable to a massive generator causing an overload explosion.
When the smoke clears, Batman searches the rubble for Selina, but all he finds is Shrek's
blackened corpse.
Which is absurd.
It's funny.
Hilarious.
When they pull that away, it's just like...
Oh, my God.
Tales of the Crypt.
Yeah.
It looks like a Crypt Keeper.
Yeah.
It looked like when What's-His-Name gets electrocuted in Home Alone.
Yes.
Yes.
It was very funny to me.
Just eyes and... Just eyes and teeth. It was terrifying to me as a child. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yes. It was very funny to me. Just eyes and teeth.
Just eyes and teeth.
It was terrifying to me
as a child.
Oh, yeah.
I can imagine.
I can imagine this whole movie.
It's also kind of like
the shrunken head
in Beetlejuice,
which you've never seen.
I think I know.
I know what shrunken head is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's very Tim Burton.
Yeah.
You should watch Beetlejuice
at Halloween time.
Okay.
I won't.
Penguin, barely alive,
emerges from the toxic
water and grabs his gun umbrella
to kill Batman, but picks up his
other umbrella by mistake.
He finally falls dead on the floor. This part's gross
and his penguin's nudging back in the water.
I know when he just slides in. Do you think that was really
him just sinking into the water?
I was impressed by that as an actor.
I was like, that's hard. A lot of this was
impressive because there wasn't really any CGI, I don't think.
Yeah.
There was a lot of practical elements.
I know.
Well, there's a couple moments that are almost like cartoon.
How much they get away with.
Yeah.
Like there's like some faraway shots of like Catwoman or Batman.
I can't remember what.
But it's like, it looks like a little cartoon almost where that would have been CGI now.
It's like a kind of a faraway shot.
There were like two moments like that where I was like, oh, they had to kind of paint
that literally.
But everything else, I love when things are practical, which is partly why I like this so much.
Because it just feels better to watch.
I don't know.
It just looks better.
It sucks you in more than a lot of like Marvel stuff where it was all CGI.
I agree, where it's all CGI and you're like, ugh.
Yeah, even the costume doesn't seem like it's really on them or something.
This wig looks wild.
That's the funniest thing about the Marvel ones, though, where you can see they haven't decided what the helmet looks like yet.
So in the behind-the-scenes footage, there's just dots on the face.
And then in the movie, it looks fine,
but then whenever you see people wearing a replica,
the head's gigantic because you can't actually have that.
It was never really a thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Funny.
So to wrap it up, driving through Gotham,
Bruce sees Catwoman's shadow.
Investigating, he only finds Selina's cat, Miss Kitty,
which he decides to take
home in memory of her as the bat signal lights up in the sky the figure of cat woman appears looking
at the signal from a rooftop is it miss kitty because miss kitty's a tabby right and the cat
that he picks up is black yeah it's more like the cat that like was licking her or something yeah
i don't know but batman fans say i think she had two cats she had two
I feel like
okay
but I could be wrong
okay she probably did
I could be wrong
I'll believe you
yeah I believe you
I mean
okay so yeah
I feel like
it ending with her
looking down
made me feel like
something was gonna happen
to her
and we're gonna get
a Catwoman movie
I don't know if that
ever happened
Halle Berry is a Catwoman
yes
is that a movie about Catwoman?
Yes.
Okay, great.
But I haven't seen that either.
Have you seen that?
I have not seen it.
Are we watching it?
It's wrong genre, I guess, at that point.
It's Catwoman genre.
But it's part of the Batman universe.
Is Batman in Catwoman?
I don't think so.
Wow, she's got her own life.
Wow.
Halle Berry, that's probably good.
We can add it in. Hey, throw it in there. Whatever. Throw it Berry. That's probably good. We can add it in.
Hey.
Hey, throw it in there.
Whatever.
Throw it on the pile.
We're already watching all of them.
Okay.
Awards and reception.
Batman Returns received two Oscar nominations.
One for Best Makeup and one for Best Visual Effects.
I agree.
Michelle Pfeiffer was nominated for Most Desirable Female.
Jesus Christ. christ well it's
kind of all i've been saying at the 1993 mtv movie awards and danny devito was nominated for
worst supporting actor what 13th golden raspberry i thought he was really great i'm sorry that's so
shitty he's hilarious and amazing he's so good, he makes me feel for that character. He made me like the back end of the movie because he was featured so much.
I agree.
Crazy.
Wow.
At the box office.
I mean, Razzies have never been good, but whatever.
No, no.
Yeah.
They've nominated children, I think.
Yeah, yeah.
At the box office, Batman Returns was considered a disappointment as a sequel to the 1989 Batman,
which was the fifth highest grossing film ever made.
Wow. Right, like it made a lot, but just not as which was the fifth highest grossing film ever made. Right.
Like, it made a lot, but just not as much as the first one.
Oh.
So despite its PG-13 rating, parents at the time disliked Batman Returns' violent and
sexualized content.
I mean, there's a lot of, like, pussy jokes.
There's, like, a lot of dirty stuff.
Again, Penguin's so horny.
Yeah.
Which I liked.
I liked as a child.
Terrific.
I was like, I don't understand.
No, it's so scary.
The studio received thousands of complaint letters.
Wow.
McDonald's was criticized for its child-centered promotion in toys and discontinued its Batman Returns campaign in September 1992.
Now, see, that's why I feel like it was so in our, like, in my childhood.
I was like, I'm eating McDonald's all the time.
Probably got all the fucking toys.
And I guess it would, like, do we feel like
Barbie is not for kids?
It's not crude or anything, but it's like the
ideas are a little over
their heads. Yeah, I think a kid
would probably have a fine time with it, but you'd probably get
more out of it as an adult, whereas this,
like, it will scare your children. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think about, like, Clueless. I watched
it as a kid. You just didn't get
all the jokes. A lot of jokes went over my head.
And as an adult, I was like, that's actually a really great joke.
I know.
I feel it's the same with this where it's like, it's just kind of like, yeah, it's a
dirty joke, but it's a play on words.
Kids aren't going to understand that.
Yeah.
You don't get it.
Yeah.
Kids are dumb.
Kids don't know.
That's what it's like being a kid.
Our segment is called No Wayne.
Let's read some trivia from this film.
So Burton had no interest in making a sequel to the successful Batman, believing that he was creatively restricted by the expectations of Warner Brothers.
He agreed to return in exchange for significant creative control, including replacing original writer Sam Hamm, which, by the way, I saw that name and I was like, great name.
Yeah, great name, Sam Hamm.
With Daniel Waters and hiring many of his previous creative collaborators.
I mean, I did think that the script was good.
And I mean, it's fun that he got more control.
Yeah.
I did like this one more than the prior one.
Danny DeVito remained in character as Penguin Boutine takes.
Take me off this set.
Get me off this.
That's so scary.
That's terrifying.
So he's walking up going.
I hope so.
His little grunts are my favorite thing.
But I guess you have to say in your trailer if you're going to do this.
Is it weirder if he's just like, so you guys want some Doritos?
Like, I don't know.
Maybe it is weirder if he's just being himself.
I mean, maybe.
But honestly, you can't be on set.
No, no, no.
In between, you gotta go.
Yeah, please hide.
Please hide.
Just like the people
at Gotham.
Like, imagine getting lunch
and he's just...
Yeah, yeah, we are.
Get in your sewer.
We wanna see you.
You little freak.
So, Michelle Pfeiffer
said that her Catwoman
costume was vacuum sealed.
Oh, my God.
This is horrible.
Yeah.
Once she was fitted
into it for scenes so she could only perform
for a short time before she needed to have it opened or she
would become lightheaded and pass out.
She also spent months training with a
whip master and performed all the whip stunts herself.
I like that. That's very cool.
I don't want to be put into something where I can't
pee. I had to dress
in a period costume once that was
with corsets and
tight layers and like all these
different buttons and things and it was really hard to go to the
bathroom and I couldn't eat anything
because like the second you ate it was like boop like you couldn't
like change your body
at all and it was really hard
and I felt very hungry and tired
I had to wear long fake nails for
something and couldn't
go to the bathroom because they were so
long so I'd be like alright I guess I'll be dehydrated all day and hungry because I also couldn't go to the bathroom because they were so long. So I'd be like, alright,
I guess I'll be dehydrated all day
and hungry because I also couldn't
eat with them and they would take them
off at lunch but then it would take so long to put them back on
and I'd be like, I'll just take a nap with them on.
Damn. It was wild.
Being an actor is really hard. It's so hard, you guys.
And that's why we deserve residuals.
The production wanted to use king
penguins but the only tame ones in captivity
were at a bird sanctuary
in the Coswalt Deep in the English countryside.
So the birds were flown over to the States
in a refrigerated hold of a plane.
What?
They were given their own refrigerated trailer
and swimming pool with half a ton of fresh ice.
That's why they fucking loved it there.
Fresh ice every day?
Every day.
They don't get that in the wild. No, they get old fucking ice. That's why they fucking walked in there. Fresh ice every day? Every day. They don't get that in the wild. No, they get
old fucking ice.
And they have fresh fish delivered daily
straight from the dock.
They were in the lap of luxury.
Truly. This is a Hilton.
Even though the temperature outside frequently
topped 100 degrees,
the entire set was refrigerated down to
35 degrees. Oh, I don't like that.
Also, them birds had an around-the-clock bodyguard.
Oh, wow.
What a job.
Imagine having to go back home after that.
No.
And then wondering for the rest of your bird life if you're ever going to get a vacation like that.
And everyone else was freezing for your sake.
Yeah.
Which I don't think is great.
But I'm happy for the penguins.
I just picture being really cold.
Oh, that's crazy. They were flown from England. I just picture being really cold. Oh, that's crazy.
They were flown from England?
I love that.
How funny.
Well, okay, we're going to take a quick break,
and when we get back, we will have more Batman Returns.
And we're back.
Holy Batman, Batman.
In this new segment, we'll rate Michael Keaton on the definitive
newcomer's Batman scale.
So we're going to use our phones, get this QR code,
and we're going to rank Batman across five
unique characteristics.
Preparedness. How prepared is
this Batman? Does he get to use his little
gadgets and tools? Detective
ability. Does this Batman get to be a little detective?
Is he good at mystery solving?
Voice of, voice graveliness. How gravelly is this batman's voice sadness how lonely brooding or emo
is this batman and finally hotness slash horniness how hot or horny is this batman let's take a moment okay so it doesn't go to a new page with submit it just does it okay cool
okay results are in wow preparedness 81 detective ability 77 voice grave graveliness 44 sadness 22.5 horniness or hotness 83 like okay i didn't feel like he was sad
i don't feel no he wasn't sad at all he's perfectly fine with his life yeah for me yeah i agree that
overall he's not very sad the sadness comes from like my old girlfriend broke up with me and now
that i know that my new girlfriend is maybe gonna die die or leave me. But at the same time, the movie is not really about him, I would say.
It's the Catwoman, the time ago movie.
It is more.
It is more.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, that's true.
I feel like he's also, we ranked his preparedness at 81%,
which, I mean, he was very prepared.
But it's less like pointed out as other things.
I feel like it's more just like, yeah, he's there.
He shows up.
His car works.
He fixes it.
Whatever.
For a Batman movie, I think he's not in it as much as you would think he would be.
Yeah.
Which is very interesting.
Yeah.
Oh, we didn't even talk about him when he reveals his head.
He reveals himself to Shrek as well, which I thought was unnecessary.
I also thought it was unnecessary.
Why are you showing Shrek who you are?
Yeah, and I think it was just like
a nice coincidence that Selena
kills him. Yeah. I know.
We didn't know how that was going to go.
But wait, just the way it ripped
off was so wild to me.
I was like, so... It was like a piece of cheese.
Any old person could have ripped this off.
Yeah, you should rip it.
It was really weird. And it also yeah he should rip it it was really weird
and it also looked kind of dumb when it was just around his neck
like that
it was just the high part
voice gravelliness I wouldn't say he's very gravelly
no
we ranked 44% and hotness horniness
83% I feel like we all agree
he's pretty hot
in one scene I'm pretty sure he's like a jerry curl
like it was like very curly.
What we considered hot at this point in time,
because it's like sort of like Billy Crystal
and When Harry Met Sally where you're like,
the hair is not good, but yeah, you're hot.
The hair, yeah.
Like he has like, it's like feathered in the back.
Yeah.
And very Spongebob shape.
Yeah.
It's not flattering, but, and also he's like balding here i mean it's kind of
interesting like all things that i think now you like media would not allow for us yeah it's sort
of what you're saying about like you just can't have that kind of character actor anymore it's
the same thing yeah yeah and i i miss that i feel like me too why can't it just be an actor who's
good and not have a six-pack and have to look a certain way and all these we are very obsessed now with our specific looks and styles of men he is so hot just looking at this i know
like his cheekbones he's he's giving he's a very good looking man structurally good looking yeah
but in a more every realistic way yeah and i guess movies have like evolved to being like
oh this is unreachable or whatever.
Which is so peculiar to me because I'm like, oh, I find that hot.
I watch a lot of movies from the 80s or 90s where I'm like, ooh.
I know.
I don't need hair plugs.
There is a type of hotness now that becomes not hot anymore where you see them and you're like, sure, they're beautiful, but I'm not sexually attracted to them. It's sexless.
Yeah.
That's like Garrett Hedlum.
I don't know who that is.
He's in tron he's so hot but like so hot that i'm like i don't think i could talk to you
yeah i'm like i don't know like be anywhere near you like he's too pretty well yeah i feel like
with a michael keaton type and right now we're watching this like repeating gif of him like
standing up and it's kind of making me tweak out a little bit. But he's like approachable hot.
Yes.
Yeah.
Which is nice.
Yeah.
And then he's also dating like models in every movie.
So.
And I buy it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I was when I was like reading up on this movie prior to this.
It was also she Michelle Pfeiffer apparently was up for the Vicki Vale part in the first movie.
But it was when Michael Keaton
was trying to get back
with his ex-wife at that time,
I think.
And because he had dated Michelle Pfeiffer,
he was like,
she can't be in this movie
because I'm trying to get back
with my wife.
But now she's in this,
which is arguably like a more
sexy role.
He didn't get back with that wife
and was like,
fuck you.
Or they got back together
and he was like,
trust me, yeah i'll
be fine i'll be good we only kiss like once don't worry yeah yeah i guess with kim baskinger he had
to like roll around a bit more um they don't really do that when they have a pretty passionate
makeout yeah but then they both stop themselves and like we can't we have to go put on our
respective costumes and do shit and pretend we're not I don't think about the romance in the first Batman at all.
Whereas this, I'm, like, kissing, kissing, kissing.
Like, that is the thing.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah.
It, like, oozes sex, I feel like.
Much more.
And, of course, Penguin oozes as well.
Oh, you bet.
From his butt, I think.
Okay.
So, it's time for our segment five kapows our reviews
of course we read
reviews of our own podcast because everybody
loves us
so this one is a five star
review of course we're not going to read one lower
than that it's called Aaron
hates everything the only thing I
listen to anymore I don't know what it is but this
podcast truly brings out all of my serotonin
I've listened to every episode
and have now started from the beginning again.
I always consume everything Nicole puts out
and her chemistry with Lauren makes top tier content
that I will consume until my dying breath.
I will literally listen to these two talk about anything.
Seriously, they could cover golf and I'd
hang on to every word. I really hope we can.
Oh my god. Lauren.
I truly just had a
mental image of me like watching Tiger Woods being like, I guess his
swing was good.
And I was like, I'll walk right into traffic.
No, no.
There's plenty more stuff to watch.
Oh, God.
That's true.
There is a lot.
There's so many things I have not seen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So in addition of Apple reviews, we're also going to be reading reviews from Letterboxd.
Also, we're going to give each film a one sentence and star rating.
And if you don't know, Letterboxd is a social platform where people can write reviews of films.
You can follow newcomers on Letterboxd at newcomers.
Oh, nice.
This review says by...
Are you on Letterboxd?
Yeah.
Oh.
That would make sense.
Thank you.
This is from Adam Bolt.
How can anyone find Catwoman attractive
when Danny DeVito is right there?
Adam, you gotta go to therapy.
And we've got four stars from Lily.
Takes all kinds.
Hashtag make comic book films horny again.
I agree.
The Marvel ones are devoid of like sex.
There's nothing in there.
So what's a one
sentence review you would
give this film whoever
wants to go first whoever
feels right okay I'm gonna
give it four stars nice I'm
gonna say beginning of the
movie unnecessary back in
the movie fun fun fun yeah
I like it yeah okay Karen
this is a five-star movie for me.
I love it pretty unabashedly.
One-sentence review, I always find this hard to do,
so I'll give me a second.
Yeah, mine aren't always one sentence.
I just ramble until sometimes paragraphs,
even haikus, if you will.
Okay, I'll throw it out.
Mine, I would say, I'm'm gonna give this four and a half stars
okay
I really like this movie
that's not my review
Michael Keaton
hottest Batman
I've seen
mm-hmm
better than
whose other one
yeah that guy
Adam West
oh yeah I said that guy
he's extremely famous
that guy
Adam West's great
but not competition I I would say.
Hottest Batman I've seen, Catwoman, oozes sex appeal, Penguin just oozes.
That'll be mine.
Penguin just oozes.
Penguin should have won his mayoral campaign.
You're angry about that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like you just should have been mayor, but yeah.
Wait, Karen, what's your favorite
part of the movie
since you love it so much
that sounded pointed
since you love it so much
can you name five albums
in my bad mental terms
no it's
probably David DeVito
like I think his performance
is so good
where it's like
the character's so gross
but I want to see more of him
yeah
and also all of the like
sort of
elephant man adjacent stuff
where he's like I am a human and then when they like sort of elephant man adjacent stuff where he's like,
I am a human.
And then when they're like,
we don't like you anymore.
He's like,
I'm not a human.
Yeah.
It's full of pathos for a character that could easily be very comic.
I think.
Yeah,
I agree.
I love that.
Spill that.
She doesn't have to.
So please out there,
everyone listening,
please write a review of our podcast on Apple Podcasts
because we'll pick one to read on the next episode.
And you can read us on Spotify,
which just takes two seconds,
just pressing the stars.
And we want all of them.
Give me all the stars.
Karen, is there anything you would like to plug?
Not in particular.
As you said, I wrote the,
I published a book, Bong Joon-ho.
Oh my God, even I can't say it.
I love it. You messed it up so that I wasn't the only one. Bong Joon-ho. Oh, my God. Even I can't say it. I love it.
You messed it up so that I was the only one.
Bong Joon-ho, Distant Cinema from Abrams and Little White Lies.
It came out in November of last year and is around now for you to purchase and read.
Congrats.
That's a huge accomplishment.
Thank you.
Yeah.
My SEO is really terrible, as you're about to see, which is my Twitter is KarenYHan,
Instagram TheKarenHan, and then on blue sky i'm karen han
so none of them are the same are you liking blue sky what's yeah it's like a new twitter
yeah it's by jack dorsey like the guy who originally made twitter i believe um and it's
nice you should have just named it twitter because there's no i know that's true when i'm i deleted
my twitter which was shockingly easy i was i've on there since 2008, and I was like, I'll never ever leave.
And then one day I was like, bye, and it was fine.
But whenever someone sends me a tweet and I click through and it's like X,
and you're like, watch the X on the screen for a second, and then it comes.
I'm like, this is not user-friendly.
But then everyone's joining Blue Sky and you need an invitation and stuff, right?
Or maybe not anymore.
I have a couple if you want to be on the site.
Well, I don't know if I want to be on it.
I don't know if I need to learn another thing but it is nice it does feel like early twitter
in so much as against there's so much so many fewer i don't know if i'm saying this right yeah
there's less people on it it's just smaller um that's better a lot of the trolls haven't gotten
on there yet which i think twitter was always great you know why it was always great it was
the just being able to like jokes or whatever you want.
Just some information.
It's like, I just want to be shit posting and then get hurricane alerts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's it.
That's it.
Okay, well, we're going to be back next week with Batman Mask of the Phantasm.
Whatever the fuck that is.
Which a lot of guys keep talking about.
And we'll see you then.
Bye.
Bye.
Thanks, Karen.
Thank you.
Newcomers is a production of HeadGum Studios.
Our producer is Ali Khan.
Our executive producer is Anya Konevskaya.
The show is edited, mixed, and mastered by Faris Manchi,
who also composed our theme song.
Follow us on Letterboxd, at Newcomers,
and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.
We might just read it on the next show.
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-bye!
That was a Headidgum original