Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Bend It Like Beckham (w/ E.R. Fightmaster, Katie Kershaw, & Tien Tran)

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

Lauren and Nicole hop over the pond with very special guests E.R. Fightmaster, Katie Kershaw, & Tien Tran (Jockular) to get into all things women’s football with the early aughts film Bend It Like Beckham. Also discussed is the icon and living legend Ilona Maher, the beyond obvious queer storyline that refuses to come to fruition, and the movie trope of an injured man becoming the coach for a women’s team. Join us next week for our episode covering Challengers! Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Nicole and Lauren to read on the pod!Follow the podcast on Letterboxd.Advertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. That's it. No more sucker. But I'm really good. What did I do wrong in my past life? Jess had a talent that was something special. That was brilliant. Really good. Yeah, almost as good as a man. and a family that was something else.

Mrs. Bamra, you must be very proud of your daughter. Not at all. And you three shouldn't encourage her. Girls aren't supposed to play soccer. My mum's never wanted me to play. You just can't take no for an answer. Oh, will you both pack it in? I'm not gonna give it up.

All I'm saying is, there is a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one of them without a boyfriend. This spring... I don't want you running around half naked in front of men. We've been invited to play in Germany this Saturday. Is there gonna be an American scout there? I can't. What are you gonna have to give up next? It's about knowing what's right.

She's got tremendous potential. I think we know better than our daughter's potential. Following your heart. He likes you. Thanks, sir. You're quite pretty, you know. You do something with your hair and put a bit of makeup on. Following your heart. He likes you. Thanks, sir. You're quite pretty, you know. You do something with your hair and put a bit of makeup on. You look all right.

And finding the strength. Why are they so frightened to let you play? This is taking me away from everything they know. Who's like you live in just to bend the rules. Fox Searchlight Pictures presents The international smash hit everyone's cheering for. End it like Beckham. This is where you spoil that one. No, this is how it started with your niece running off to become a model wearing small,

small skirts. Mom, she's a fashion designer. She's divorced. That's what she is. Welcome to Newcomers! Playing for the home team, it's me, Nicole Byer. And me, Lauren Lapias. And of course we have Coach Allie watching along from the sidelines. And if you've been listening, this season we're covering 10 of the sports movies that

we feel are goals and win the proverbial World Cup. It blows. It's so natural how we talk about sports. It really is. Today we'll be watching the soccer slash football film starring Carmen Dernadra, Kira Knightley, and Jonathan Rhys Myers. It's 2002's Bend It Like Beckham.

And guess what? It's streaming on Disney Plus! Or it's available for a fee on any of the other major streamers, and we are going to spoil this movie! So if you don't want spoilers, watch it. Playing for the visiting team today, we are so excited to have Tien Tran, Katie Kershaw, and ER Fightmaster.

Tien, Katie, and ER are writers, comedians, and actors who met performing at Second City and now host the new sports podcast Jocular. Tien stars in Peacock's upcoming Mr. Throwback with Steph Curry, that's really cool, and appeared as Ellen Gilbert on Hulu's How I Met Your Father. Katie can be seen recurrent, you didn't know your name?

Nope. Yeah. Me? I was Ellen Gilbert? Yeah. I don't know. Katie can be seen recurring in season two of the Peacock original Killing It

and season four of the FX series Fargo. ER is best known for their role on Hulu's Shrill and as network television's first non-binary doctor, Kai Bartley on ABC's Grey's Anatomy. Welcome, you three. We're so excited to talk about this movie with you. Thank you for being here. Yes, thank you so much for being here

and making the time. Thank you for having us. So you guys have a sports podcast. You like it? You like sports? Yeah. We love sports. Well, we love women's sports. Yes. The only real sport.

Okay. I don't really watch men's sports at all. And like this Olympics, like I was watching surfing yesterday and men came on and I was just like, ew, and walked away until the women's gold final. I don't like the way they look. I... Fair. I do, I like all sports, but I think that women's sports are

inherently more interesting because of societal power dynamics. It's just more impressive for women to be playing sports when our entire society is telling them that playing sports actually takes away their womanhood. And so for me, it's more like it's like this cross section of everything that I think all three of us care about, which is like, it's a cross section of activism, it's mothers playing sports, it's queer women playing sports, it's trans people playing sports.

It's actually like we're having conversations about race and class intersecting all the time. And the more that we support women's sports, the more the people that get paid the less and the least in our society get paid. So I think that that's like a big umph for all of us. Yeah, it's a feminist angle. Also they're hot. They're hot.

Yeah. Sorry, they're really hot too. I want to support their rights and their faces. And so is your podcast talking about sports, team sports games? Is there like a specific focus or kind of anything you guys want to talk about? It's kind of anything we really want to talk about. A lot of it is what kind of fight was talking about is the intersection of like the culture cultural aspect of it and the like societal aspect of it and and truly like who we think is hot like it's all it's

all three of those things and everything intersecting at once and like I think we have talked about the WNBA probably the most across all of our episodes, just because it's just been such an exciting growth for that league this year. It's been so cool. I really wish that was more popular when I was a kid. I remember going to one WNBA game when I was younger, and it didn't feel as exciting. It was kind of like, compared to going to the men's games, there was so much energy in the place, and now it feels like that energy is there.

And it's so cool. And the Liberty have a dancing elephant. The elephant is everything. You would like this. Ellie is the dance leader. Ellie the elephant. She's great. Okay.

Okay. She's got beautiful braids. Oh my. Very hot. She kind of looks sad. No, she's horny. No, no. You gotta watch her dance.

Lauren, she's incredibly. She's not sad. She's horny as hell. She's horny. Yeah. Okay, okay. She's horny for fan participation. You guys, wait, we can't yell at Lauren for not knowing.

I'm sorry, I wanna know. I wanna know everything, but her eyes just carry a weight. Well, if you've seen her dance, you know that she probably just went through a serious breakup and she's trying to make someone jealous. So there probably is some depression in the back of the brain, but the frontal

lobe is like kill and fuck mode. It's like dojo siwa. It is very dojo siwa. In Lauren's defense, a picture of Ellie does have a little bit of sadness in the eyes, but you really have to watch her move. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'll be checking that out. It melts away tonight alone. That's the mascot head designer. Okay. I'll be checking that out. Tonight alone. That's the mascot head designer's fault. We'll speak to them about kind of putting more smiles in the head. What Ellie does is what JoJo thinks she's doing. Yes.

Very that. I don't think that we need to knock two women down. I don't think we need to. I think they're both doing it really well. Did I say there was a negative there? You kind of did, Katie, it was implied. No, I feel like you're kind of taking something I said. I really feel like I'm getting twisted right now. You know who also supports women's sports

that I really like? Flavor Flav. He apparently sponsors the US women's polo team. Water polo, yes. He does. That's so cool. It's amazing. They like needed the sponsorship and he answered the call.

And there was another Olympian that was like, hey, I don't get a full ride scholarship so I can't pay for housing this year. And I'm about to perform for this country in gold. And he sent that person like $7,000. Wow. Wow. I think he's sponsoring them for the next five years. And it also was the first time that I realized that Flavor Flav was a girl dad. So that was something I...

I knew that he was a girl dad on Flavor of Love. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, did that come up a lot? I mean, just kind of girl daddy actually was like more of the term. Like not necessarily a father, but... Okay. Okay. Yeah. I get that. I get that. Warm to women. Yeah. Yeah.

Warm to women. Yeah Warm to younger women specifically, yeah Also, I've been getting into rugby rugby's intense I watched a little bit of that. Yeah, Iona or Alona or something alone. I'm are alone. I'm are Wow Wow She's fun to watch Yeah to play in a red lip or Alona or something. Alona Mar. Alona Mar. Wow. Wow. She's fun to watch. Yeah. To play in a red lip.

Yes. The way she just hits. And it doesn't move. It doesn't move. Do you think she's gonna have a makeup sponsorship? Oh, I think she might. I hope so. Yeah.

There's nothing more powerful than like stiff arming someone in a full face. And I think one of us should get to do that. I want that to happen to me. I think we can make this happen for you. I think that's a wish that could come true. I want to run. I want to kind of like relive some like mom trauma.

I want to run to her and kind of just be like forced to the ground. Mom trauma, but make it kink. You know? I think a lot of people do. While waving a tiny water bottle really got me good. That's funny. It's actually a huge water bottle and my hand is just very large.

And that's kink. You're like eight feet tall, right? I've heard that. very large and that's kink. You're like eight feet tall, right? I've heard that. Yeah. Yeah, the rumors are true. Actually, the only time I've ever been like really upset was when I found out after I was like shooting Grey's, I like, I was told to check my height online.

I looked it up. I was five, seven seven and I was serious. Like they had crowdsourced information to be like, we got it, they're five seven. I was like, no, I'm six one. And I don't normally interact in that way, but I just straight up went online and was like, just so everyone knows, I am actually.

Has it been updated? Because I feel like this is important. Like that's honestly, that's really messed up. I'm looking at the ER Fightmaster height right now. Okay. Well, how tall did they think everyone else was? That's the thing, it kind of makes everybody five too. It's like, it makes no sense.

So tiny. Yeah. Oh my God, if you look up ER Fightmaster height, now it says, the first thing you see is my Twitter response, which was stop the lies, I'm six foot one. I love that so much. Stop the lies. Stop the lies. I love it.

All right, well, we have a little segment here called the Shot Clock, where we're each going to summarize the film Bend It Like Beckham in 10 seconds. And everyone's going to give it their best shot. Ha ha. Good one, Lauren. Okay. Is anybody confident about going first? Yeah, I'll go first. Okay. Ready? Okay. Three, two, one.

Everybody thinks everyone's a lesbian, but they're like, we're not lesbians. And then there's soccer, and then there's a coach, and he's like kind of hot, but also kind of pretty feminine. And then a family doesn't want someone to play soccer, but they play somebody. That was good. That was really beautiful. Thank you.

Who's up? I'm happy to have a go. I'm happy to have a go. I'm really beautiful. Thank you. Who's up? I'm happy to have a go. Okay, go for it. Ready? Three, two, one.

A young woman has to decide between soccer and lesbianism or keeping her family happy, and she chooses herself. I think I'm ready. Yeah. chooses herself. I think I'm ready. Yeah. Three, two, one. Instead of being openly queer and choosing each other, two soccer playing queers pretend to fall in love with a toxic, abusive man. Okay.

That felt great. Katie, you want me to go or you want to go? I'm ready. Okay. Okay. Three, two, one. Closeted Jess decides to ruin her sister's wedding by playing the second half randomly of a big game and gets to go to America. Oh my God. Okay.

Three, two, one. Two women or two young girls have a fight over a gay man who is not interested, but he's pretending that he is. And everyone's struggling and, oh! Okay. Okay. I did not like that man. I felt that. He's terrible.

Creepy. He has the weight- He's creepy in everything he does. He has this energy, like very cruel intentions vibe. Like it's very like, Oh yes. It's very smoldering and like- Like we're-

It's, yes. And it's insane. And when they were's very smoldering and like... Queering. Yes. And it's insane. And when they were dancing at the club, I thought he was going to go over and make out with a guy. I literally was like, I thought that was about to happen. And that they would go, oh, he's gay. But he's so beautiful.

He is beautiful. He's so beautiful that I feel like that's queer coded in itself. That they're straight up being like, isn't he gorgeous? And yet these two lesbians are in love with him. And I'm like, yeah, well, cause he looks like a hot, hot dyke. There was a moment that I was like, I would honestly be into this movie being a throuple too.

Because when they were all- When they were dancing. When they were dancing together, I was like, they should just all be together. This is what everyone wants. And he'd be the bottom. Yeah. He'd be the little cuck in the corner.

I mean, I think... Just watching, being like, -"Mm, yum, yum, yum." -"That would be so much better." One thousand percent. It needed to be more challengers. We haven't seen that yet. We're gonna watch that later. And I'm really excited. Our lips are sealed.

But yeah, I picked up on the fact that there's some horniness to that film as well. This film lacked fucking. I really felt like somebody needed to do something. That's the problem with these films that are queer coded is like the queer coding itself should just, it should just say like, because the film is queer coded, there's not going to be any sex. You're not going to feel good afterwards. Yeah. Because if you watch a straight movie, which is just fucking hetero coded, they're fucking each other. Okay. They're fucking each other and we're seeing it. You watch something queer coded, they don't touch the whole time.

And you're like, why? It's torture. Yeah. Mm hmm. I didn't know we were watching challengers. You know that you to watch challengers. Sure didn't. And I tried to watch it on a movie and I was not on a movie on a plane. And I was like, I don't want to watch this movie. And it's funny that I'm going to have to watch it later.

Yeah, now you have to. OK, let's take a time out. We'll be back with more Bend It Like Beckham after a word from our sponsor. Okay, everyone say ready, break. Ready. Ready. Ready.

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See Mint Mobile for details. And we're back. We are going to talk about the movie. Get like Beckham now. This movie was released April 12th, 2002, written by Gurinder Chada and directed by the same person. And I did not see this movie in high school, but I feel like everyone was watching it. And I, to me, looked boring.

I think I, I mean, I might not be wrong about that, but I thought soccer, I don't care. That's kind of where I was with that. Yeah, same as you. Yeah. But it was really not. I'm crying, because I mean, Lauren, for me, I was like, I feel so seen.

I've never been seen in my entire life. This is the real me. Really? Yeah. Okay, I'm really movie for me. Really? Yeah. Okay, I'm really happy for you. Okay. Thank you. Like watching it last night, I was like, Oh my God, like Keira Knightley's character has the same posters that I had in my room. And like, yeah, I felt, but I

get it. If I get that it didn't, didn't connect with it and that and that's valid. Well, I think I if I knew more of what it was, I would have watched it because it was more like we have a crush on this guy. And I always liked movies like that. So I feel like I probably would have liked it. I don't know if you would have liked it because I didn't like who they had a crush on. I know. I didn't find it to be like warranted. I was like, ugh, who cares about him? But it wasn't honest. It wasn't, like, that's the, the, the queer coding itself is like,

I don't know if you guys have seen your friends that have come out later, the men that they were with before they came out look like dogs backwards. Stop. They never pick, they never pick hot guys ever, ever, ever, ever. They never pick hot guys. They always pick fucking like toxic bad dudes.

That is fascinating. It's true. There's photographic evidence of this for decades and decades and decades where you're always, you see some hot woman who's about to come out and you're hearing her coming out story. And then they like show a photo of her and her first husband,

and you're like, ah, what happened? He looks like they just found him in a cave somewhere. It's always fucked up. But this was obviously a Hollywood-style production. We have to pick a not-dog-backwards man, and so we picked this beautiful queer woman dressed up as a man.

You know what I'm saying? I don't think Jonathan, Jonathan Reese doesn't do it for me. I feel like he's always kind of like, I feel like he's always talking down a hallway. Like, I feel like he's just always. I thought he, I can't really explain it, but he reminded me of a lollipop, just like a red shiny lollipop. he I can't really explain it, but he reminded me of a lollipop,

just like a red, shiny lollipop. And I can't explain it anymore. Just like a circle one, like a circle lollipop. I don't want you to explain. Don't explore that. OK, we're going to jump into the plot of this movie and talk about every moment that exists. Um, it starts with 18-year-old Jess Sminder, Jess Spamra, who's played by Parminder Nagra,

and she's the daughter of British Indian Punjabi Sikhs living in Hungslow, London. Jess has a passion for football and dreams about playing on the field with David Beckham from Manchester United, but her parents do not support her interest. She sometimes plays in the park with boys, including her best friend, Tony,

a family friend that her family thinks has his eye on her. Her family's completely occupied with planning for Justice Sister Pinky's Archie Punjabi's imminent wedding. I mean, it's kind of cute at the beginning. Nicole, were you, we were texting a little bit. Were you on board from the beginning? Okay. I was on board from the beginning? Okay.

I was on board for the first 10 minutes, and then I was like, oh boy. Oh, okay, we still got, we got more of this movie. And then also when I started it, I was like, please be under two hours. And then I looked and I was like, an hour 52? That's not answering my prayers. An hour and a half, please.

It was too long. It was too long. We haven't really had that complaint this season, I feel like. We usually complain about that every other season. But I feel like the sports movies have been, like, decent lengths, but this was a bit long for what I needed. I... Also, they used the same song. They used the same songs, like, four times. It was kind of like...

-♪ They did it, didn't they? Do-do- da da da, da da da da. Like every five minutes. I was like, the songs they played are all from like commercials for like a medication. It was like. Yeah, they were expensive. They were expensive. They play Spice Girls songs. Did I hear?

It was Mel C. It's a Mel C solo turn. What? Yeah. Which is also pretty queer coded. Because I really love this movie. I'm happy for you. Oh, I came in thinking I was going to be like,

how banging is that soundtrack? Yeah. And now here I am. I got to be honest. I got to be honest. How banging is that soundtrack? Every song I was like, it's a commercial. It's a commercial for like Select Stra, and there was like, it's a commercial. It's a commercial for like select straw. And there's like people dancing at a wedding.

But it's about like, if you experience heartburn, like, I don't know. It's just like none of the songs did it for me. Maybe it's because I have chronic heartburn. I loved it. I'm happy for you. I am. I am happy when people have different opinions on this podcast. OK, I think you're saying you're I'm happy with people have different opinions on this podcast. Okay. I'm very happy.

I'm happy you have heartburn. So Jules Paxton, I hate that her name is Jules. That's Keira Knightley who looks just like the other lady to me. Do you know who I'm talking about? The other lady. She was from parents swap or whatever. No, she was a swan at one point. The black swan Natalie Portman.

Yes, they look just alike to me. Oh, I don't see that. Oh, really? They have like that heart shaped face. Yeah. No, no, Keira Knightley has has this thing. It's the underpants that I. Yeah, they both played the same role in. The underpants that are. Yeah.

They both played the same role in Star Wars when they were like little kids. Whoa. They did. So I'm not wrong. No, you're correct. No. That's weird.

Same person. Same person. So Natalie Portman is in this movie and is a member of the Hounslow Harriers, a local women's amateur football team, notices Jess's football skills in the park, befriends her and invites her to try out. This to me, weird. Who's, who's recruited in the park? The coach, Joe, Jonathan Reese-Meyers, a young Irish former player whose career was derailed by injuries.

I hate this trope of men who are like, I can't, so I guess I'll talk to women. He accepts her into the team, Jess plays behind her parents back, claiming to have a summer job when she's actually at football practice. If she's not showing checks, how do you believe your daughter's working? Anyway, Jess confesses to the truth to Pinky

one afternoon after their mom thinks Pinky's supposed to pick her up after work. I just can't imagine like having a job and my parents not wanting those receipts. Yeah. Like I worked at a food court. I brought home food court food every night. Yeah. Like there needed to be proof in it. And the fact that she like, as soon as the door is closed, she rips off her like nice blazer, stuffs it in a bush and goes like, I love this movie,

but Jess, girl, your parents are stupid. Yeah. I also feel like, aren't you going to like complain about the job from time to time or the people there? Like, I feel like that would be my biggest giveaway is that she never complained about going. Like I would be like... There's no weird adult coworkers.

Yeah. She's also so physically exhausted from the job. I feel like she comes home and is always just like... And they have no questions about... What is the HMV? What is that? I assumed it was the DMV. Okay. Yeah. Because didn't because they kept saying like, oh, I got her a job at the HMV. So okay. In this world, it's the DMV. Yeah. To me and me alone.

To us right now. Okay. I thought it was I think you're right though, that it is interesting that that's a repeated trope is that coaching women's sports is some kind of like punishment or fall back for men that like aren't good enough to be in the men's space anymore because that is kind of like a league of their own yeah yeah uh-huh yeah and and i love i'm gonna keep coming back to women before they're out dating like bad toxic men. I think that it sounds like this like coding if he got injured basically he was too soft for a world of men. It's like he was too beta to dominate in a male space and so he came to dominate women in a women's space. Like I'm I he's one of maybe my least favorite people of all time.

I'm glad you got there. That's what we were trying to tell you. He's not hot. And yet I'd top him. No. You have to separate these guys. No, I can't separate the art from the artist in this situation. Yeah. I can't separate the coach from the topping.

Like I want... I'm not the coach from the topping. Like I want... I want... Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Okay, so Jules and Jess become fast friends on and off the field, and I was hoping maybe something would happen there. They travel into the city one day to shop and buy new cleats, which sends Jess's mom into a fit when she discovers them later that night

as she was supposed to get proper shoes for her sister's wedding. The next day, feeling terrible, Jess tells Jules she needs to return the shoes. Jules invites her to her home to borrow a pair after practice. Joe punishes them for talking during practice by running laps, which he later stops Jess from running

when he realizes she's injured. So he does care a little. I hated that. No, he doesn't. They're all leaving. I didn't like how he talked about her star, by the way. Yeah. I didn't like that.

Yeah. And he's like, that one's worse than mine. Or whatever. I can't believe you. I can't believe you. Yeah. I didn't like that. Yeah. And he's like, that one's worse than mine or whatever. I sounded like Paul McCartney. That one's worse than mine. If your mom knows this little about your world, I would have told my mom that those cleats were heels. Your mom is an idiot.

She knows nothing. You're hiding your blazer. I would bring those cleats home and be like, I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid. I thought these were heels, mom. Yeah, I'm an inch taller in them. Yeah. Or just be like, it's for my job. It's for the HMV.

I have to wear cleats at the HMV. I will say that date that that was a date that to me like going into the tube to another place that looked more like the city. It was romantic. It was like the rom-com kind of moment. And they're holding hands and Jules is very physical with her friends. And you are aware of that. I'm like, wow, they hug a lot more than most people that I know.

Yes, they're like both in jean jackets. I'm like, these two are dykes. Yeah, a lot of titty on titty hugging. Their hugs get them in trouble. They're that intimate. Yeah, right. They get them in trouble later. They're giggling and holding each other's faces.

I was like, that's, I was like, that was long after that moment even happened that they're like hugging on the street, being like, ha ha ha ha. I was like, that was long after that moment even happened, that they're like hugging on the street, being like, -"Ha ha ha ha ha!" -"Mmm-hmm." I was like, that was ten minutes ago. We are gay. We are gay, and when we hug each other, you might think that we're heterosexual.

Like, if you are hugging and people are picking up from the hug that you're gay, you're fucking each other. Yeah, right. Right. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, I mean, I hug ER, but I don't enjoy it. And there's no... No, no, it's like hugging chapstick. It is. It's pure friendship.

Yeah. Yeah, it is pure friendship. Yeah. There is a line. So Jess goes to Jules' house to pick up the shoes and Jules shows her a tape of the WUSA team. Her ultimate dream. Jules' mom meets Jess, who's dismayed when she realized Jess is a footballer too.

Jess asks Jules if she likes Joe. She responds that she hopes to find someone exactly like him one day. We need to talk about the mom. The mom's like, your boobs. Like she talks about her boobs like so many times. I was like, leave this person alone. It is so crazy.

I'm like, the mom's a dyke. Like you can't even like when she's- Yeah, the mom's a fucking closet of dykes. It is so crazy. I'm like the mom's a dyke. Like you can't even like when she's- Yeah, the mom's a fucking closeted dyke. She's closeted. You think it was like the pump up thing? She's so upset. And she's so upset when she thinks they're getting, oh my God.

It's like, yeah, she's so wild. Just hysterical. She's not upset, she's jealous. Yeah, she's like, how dare you? When she's holding the tray in the home, she's like, huh? I wish I was fucking my friend. Yeah. Yeah.

I have to fuck your dad. Who by the way, like they have no chemistry, no offense to any of them. No, because they're both gay. No offense to us. Every single person in this movie is gay. Yes, very gay. Well, I don't know if the dad is gay

or just is like on the spectrum. Cause he's like soccer, football, soccer, Every single person in this movie is gay. Yes, very gay. Well, I don't know if the dad is gay or just is like on the spectrum. Cause he's like soccer, football. I just want to talk about football. Here's how you do football, football, football. He reminded me of Rudy, except he's football Rudy. I don't think that a lot of British men in like women or men or anybody, I think a lot of British men, like women or men or anybody,

I think a lot of British men only like football and that's just, that's their sexuality. And so I think that we're like, he's football sexual, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's where he is. The mom thinking that soccer is what made or like would make her daughter gay is actually something that my parents did say to me.

Really? Yes. Is it true? When I came out, it is, obviously it is true. Soccer made me, soccer did make me gay. But didn't soccer just attract you because of that? Like, what came first? It's the chicken or the egg situation.

Were you gay and attracted to soccer? Or did soccer attract you to be gay? I'm like, I think I got a journal about this. I don't know what you think first. You do. So they accused you of- They straight up were like, is it because of the soccer? Oh, I just splashed water all over my face.

I can't believe that story. I'm like... Oh. That is crazy, though. I mean, yeah, her mom's like yelling at her, and she's also like, because she has breasts. She was like screaming into the yard. I was like, why are you doing this?

I mean, okay, I will say, I don't know that the parents are wrong. Like, I do think that the sports give you an avenue to finding out your gay way faster. Yeah. You know, it is a gateway drug. Yes, yes, yes. It is a gateway drug spelled with a Y. Like, it is, you're out, you're in an all, like, women's space, which normally everything

is, like, unfortunately very coed. And you don't know why that's miserable, but it is. And then you're with all these women and they're all wearing spandex and they're all sweating and they're all like working together to help each other. And they're kind of also being physically violent to you. And you're like, well, this is it. Well, yeah. And the scene in the locker room where Jess is like kind of shy about changing her clothes, but she's also like

really overwhelmed by everyone being in their bra. Like, that's... Like, is this movie talked about that way, or is this just, like, the way that it feels when you watch it? Like, do people at the time, like, think that or no? The straight women in locker rooms, like, when I have played sports, it's the straight women in locker rooms

that literally get naked. Like, they get naked so fast. And it's the straight women in locker rooms that literally get naked. Like they get naked so fast. And it's the closeted queers that are like, I need to find a bathroom stall to change my jersey. Which is like literally the same way that it is at like gyms now. Like I walk into gyms and they like, you know, I'd love it if they had a neutral locker room

and they don't. So I have to go into the women's locker room and it's all of these straight women and then like buck ass naked, like putting on makeup with their full pussies on a stool. Like it's crazy. Oh, no. Titties out and then me being like in the corner being like,

I do not want to be arrested for some kind of crime. So I'm in and out. I'm in and out of there. Their pussies have to sit somewhere. Those things, that is being nervous in a locker room is queer coded. I love that. Yeah, yeah.

Fair. Fair. I would say like, I don't think it was talked about like that sort of like queer eye in the locker room, but growing up, none of my soccer teammates practice with just a sports bra. Like, I would have loved that, I think. We were all just like, I don't think I would have been like,

okay, guys, shirts and skins, I guess, let's go. Like. That would be nice. And they did it all throughout this movie. And I have never, there's never been a team like that in my entire life. Yeah. Until you start one.

Until I start one. Yeah, you can start one. This is your opportunity. I'll coach. Well. When Jess gets home, she finds her family in a frenzy because Pinky's fiance's parents want to call off the wedding

after believing they saw Jess kissing an English boy, which was really Jules and her goofing around. In an outrage, Pinky tells their parents about Jess being on the football team and they forbid her from continuing. Jo becomes concerned when she misses two practices. So they go, so her mom like thinks that they're, or Jules' mom thinks they're gay

because she's about to bring them like a treat and then she's like, they're having a fight because they're gay or something. Or wait, was that earlier? Then this is the part where they make up or something and then they go outside and they're laughing and giggling because their mom's like, you're both gay or something. What do you mean, singing up? I think this is when Jess first goes over to Jules's house and they're making fun of the fact that Jules's mom keeps going, Jessminda, Jessminda, which is like,

such a white mom thing to do to a person of color, just to be like, I can't say your full name over and over and over again. Please teach Jule about your culture. Oh right, that was that scene. Yes, she does say that. Teacher to respect her elders. And then they're like, my mom sucks, and they're laughing outside.

And then the family drives by and thinks that Jess is kissing a boy, but it's because Jules has short hair, which she doesn't look like a boy at all. She sure does look like a boy. No, the hair's not that short. It's just a little like Dharma and Greg situation. It's a bob.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Bob. She is so cute and she can pull off anything I feel like, Keira Knightley. Yeah, 100%. Any look that she's done. She is so cute. She's cute. She can pull off soccer and like pirate.

She won't say she's cute. What's going on? Nicole, you won't say it. I don't know, Keira Knightley. I don't wanna say she's not for me cause that sounds mean, but like, that's okay. That's the best way I't say it. I don't know, Keira Knightley. I don't wanna say she's not for me, cause that sounds mean, but like. That's okay, that's the best way I'm saying it. I don't know if she's for me.

I wanted her to be beefier. That's my problem with women in sports movies. I want them to be beefier, because if you play sports, you're a little beefy. Yeah. Yeah. You want the aluminum arm build. The legs would be thick. You want that rugby build.

Oh, my God. Give me thick legs. You're running so much. I played soccer one time. They made me go back and forth twice on that field. And I said, this field is too big. So I sat down and they said, that's not how you play. And I said, well, I quit.

It's too much. And you've been advocating for smaller fields ever since. I have. Make them tiny. I want to cross a field in 16 steps, please. Yeah, I hear that. And they do call that a lawn. Hey.

For now. For now. For now. For now, it's a lawn. And then soon, it'll be a stadium. For now, it's a lot. And then soon it'll be a stadium. Well, I think, okay, I agree with you. I agree with you on the very, very skinny nature of it all.

I'm also realizing, like, I'm also remembering the David Beckham of it all. That like, of course the whole fucking thing is been to like Beckham, but like, I don't, I just watched that whole Beckham documentary and he's also a man for Dykes. Like he's a skinny little sweetie baby bad boy, like little neurodivergent, but just like soft blonde femme.

And I'm like, I'm kind of, that's the whole movie is these like soft twinks. Like the whole cast is just of anyone queer coded is just like a soft twink, including the women here. And nightly soft twink just kind of soft twink. Yeah. Except for the only gay man in the movie. Not a soft twink.

Make soft twink. Yeah. Tony's not a soft twink. Not a soft twink. He's a twink who's seen things, a hardened twink. He's a hardened twink. Yeah, tough. He's a calloused twink. Yeah, woof.

Okay, so Joe learns that Jess is on the team without her parents' permission. He goes to their home and pleads with Mr. I can't say this name, it's hard for me. Baram. Baram. I think it's Bamra. To, Bamra, Mr. Bamra, to allow her to play.

He refuses, revealing that he doesn't want Jess to suffer the same way he did when he was excluded from a cricket club because of anti-Indian and anti-Sikh sentiment. Which, you know. Baram is real. I get. It's tough for him.

But it's sort of like, this guy is saying, we all want her to play and we're all begging her to play. It's like the opposite of what his experience was. And that seemed kind of confusing. Cause I was like, he's saying she can't do it even though he's coming over and saying, we really want her to, and we're not thinking of her in the way that you are.

I think it's a thing where it's like, I was excluded, but I don't want her to face racism. I don't want anyone to... I don't want her to experience any sort of racism even close to what I experienced. This scene is proof that the movie didn't need any scenes that wouldn't pass the Bechdel test. Yeah.

I don't need any scenes in this film. We could have cut for time. Any of the scenes where men were talking to each other. Yeah. I actually think you're right. We didn't need that. Like that could have been a conversation like dad had with Jess. You know what I'm saying?

I guess. Yeah, right. That would have been more effective. Yeah, I don't need him to explain this to some fucking like nasty little white boy he doesn't know. Like, fuck dude has an earn that look at him Hey that nasty little red lollipop man that I will talk I need to know lollipop's age. I was

You're right. How old is this character? You're right because That is weird because he's obviously older than them. No, he is way older than them. Like that is like... Yeah, he's had like a full career. Yes. And has gotten injured. That is so toxic. It's penetrating.

We were raised to think that that's like attractive. And they're like seniors in high school. Yeah, they're like 18. Meets him, he like lollipop walks away, and Keira Knightley's like, wow, he really likes you. After he was just like, not that nice. And I'm like. And she's 18, she had Joss turned 18, right?

So they're like. Her brain isn't fully developed yet, so she doesn't know. They obviously want you to be like, she's barely legal. It is like unproverted. But that is also, I'm sorry, this is a real life trope of like young queer women being attracted to like older, more predatory men

because these predatory men make it very obvious for them that they're like predating them. And they're like, well, I've never been attracted to a man before, but you're like predating me. So I guess I'll do this for the next 10 years of my life. All I'm caring is predating. I like calling it pred tried to tune man before, but you're like predating me. So I guess I'll do this for the next 10 years of my life. All I'm carrying is pre-dating. I like calling it predating, cause it's like, yeah, like I like, it's like,

it's like dating, but it's predating. So it's like, I'm not dating yet. I'm just predating. Predating. Around. Just predating. I think there is that sports stroke too, of like coach and dad giving permission to kid. Like I feel like I've seen that conversation of like broken dreams,

but the coach can come in and save the child. So like, yeah, but with all of that, I didn't want them. I didn't want her to end up with him. Like I was like, because I felt like it was weird. Like it messed up her friendship already. So I was like, that's still gonna be an issue. Like, Jules will still feel kind of bad about that if you're dating him.

And then that's already weird. Then your parents don't want this. It's your coach who's older than you. You just got to move away to America and he's gonna say, don't try to date anyone there. You're with me now, even though I won't see you until Christmas, which really bothered me. Ah.

And she set a boundary. She set a boundary. She was like, this is not good for my family. And he was like, well, if I show up at the airport, fuck you. Because he knows that if she fucks other people, then she ain't gonna be straight anymore. That's what he knows. He's like, don't get dicked down by anybody else,

because the next dick that you have will be evidence for you that you don't like it. Soccer and America makes you gay. Jules and Jess rooming together fucking week two. And then she's coming back and it's like, hey, you're a great coach, but you're not for me. Like, that's absolutely happening. Crazy. And at the end, he's like playing cricket and like, he's dressed like he's in Cape Cod and like...

Yeah, and playing with her dad. And like, she's not there. And I was like, what's the fucking vibe? The dad and him are fucking... Everyone is gay in this movie. Because I thought that they would like, you'd see them. The dad and him are fuckin'. Yeah. They're fuckin'. Everyone is gay in this movie. Oh, okay. Everybody's gay. Cause I thought that they would like,

you'd see them together celebrating Christmas, and it's like, you don't see that. You see him alone being like, I'm throwing the cricket ball or whatever. Or you see him with the dad, grooming the dad to be like, you should be with him. I've spent a lot of time with him. This lollipop will make you fuckin' happy.

Yeah. Could you imagine coming home from Christmas I've spent a lot of time with him. This lollipop will make you fucking happy. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Yeah. Could you imagine coming home from Christmas after going to uni and your coach is, like, hanging out with your dad? Yeah, at that point, it is like, you got to go. Like, you're, it's weird. Didn't John Mayer do that with Jessica Simpson's parents?

Sorry, just having a fever dream where he, like, yes, Ali, think you, he like hung out with her family. Yes, you're exactly right. While they were broken up and she discusses it in her memoir open book. He does. He was like, singing selfies. Yeah, and then her family was like, I don't know, maybe you should give this another try.

That's so crazy. He was John Marring. That's exactly what the lollypop was doing. Wait, so the scene at the end is not Christmas, it's him just being there when she's not there? I think so. I guess because it wasn't winter. Why didn't they even think of that? Oh my God.

I've lived in LA for too long. I think they do. Yeah, I think they do get winter. He also like gaslights her when she's like, I was called a racial slur and he's like, babe, I'm Irish, which a hundred percent not putting down the plight of the Irish, like just went on a long obsession with the troubles.

Yeah, they had a whole potato famine. But like, you can't go, I'm Irish. I love that. I'm gonna I'm Irish. I love that. I'm gonna start saying that. I get it. I'm Irish. It's the same with his scar, where it's like she had this really big traumatic scar

from a burn and he's like, like making it all about his scar. I was like, you- He's the worst person on earth. Yeah, he is the worst. You understand? He's the worst person on earth. He's the worst person you would. He understand? He's the worst person on earth.

He's such an abuser. Oh, I would top him. But you guys, when I'm topping him, he's not talking. We're not fucking hanging out. When I'm topping him. When I'm topping him, he's not talking about his dad. When I'm top of the morning him. Top of the morning.

Top of the moaning. Top of the moanin'. Top of the moanin'. Okay, so Pinky covers for Jess when she travels with the team to play a match in Germany. The Harriers lose the match after Jess fails to score on a penalty kick. Jess's dad finds out she's still on the team by seeing a newspaper article about the match.

When the team goes out clubbing that night, Jules catches Joe and Jess about to kiss, devastating her. Jess goes to Jules' house to try to mend their friendship, but Jules still feels betrayed and angry. And Jules' mother, confused by overhearing only parts of their argument out of context, thinks they're hiding a lesbian relationship.

When Jess confides in Tony about her problems, he comes out as gay. Now, when they dance in the club, this is definitely, this was a scene where I was like, this is going to be like wild things or like something like cruel intentions, like something's about to go down. The vibe, I actually like, when they went over to him

and he was like, there's a shot of him like in the club, like with the lights, you know, going on, he's like sitting in the chair and he's such a model. I was like, we're gonna pan down and see a guy sucking his dick. I literally thought that. I know that doesn't make any sense. But I was like, it feels like that's what we're getting towards here.

And it wasn't happening. And then they all dance kind of weirdly together. Yeah, they're holding hands and they're like, do that, do that. And like, I couldn't tell if Jules was jealous. Maybe it just happened. Yeah, yeah. He's 15, 13. We can't show that, but we all know it happened. We know, we know what happened.

Yeah. We know. I will say this is one of those things where, and as a writer, I know I'm not supposed to feel this way, but this is the parts of the movie where they're like, everything bad happens now. I don't need it. I don't need it.

I don't need it to be so negative. It's already so negative that they're gonna end up with this fucking pencil dick loser who fucking hates women and so he's coaching them. It's already so ugly that they're like closeted and their families don't support them. Like I don't need that whole fucking like, and here's five bad things in a row.

I didn't need it. Yeah, cause I also, I really didn't know what was gonna happen when she was about to kiss him. It didn't, I just felt, it felt so random for him to be into her. Yes, very forced. That you're like, oh, and then I felt like she would not do it.

What I was thinking was about to happen was that she was gonna go like, oh no, and then Jules would think they were about to kiss. And then she'd be like, no, I wasn't. Not even that she would be like, and I'm in love with you, but just being like, I don't even care. Cause also there was a point where her, when her mom's like, you were kissing a boy and then she'd be like, no, I wasn't, not even that she would be like, and I'm in love with you, but just being like, I don't even care. Cause also there's a point where her, when her mom's like, you were kissing a boy

and she's like, me? Kissing a boy? A boy? Yes. It was so pointed. That she would never be caught dead kissing a boy. So gay. She was like, ew, not for me.

Like not for me. So Jess fakes being sick to her family to sneak off to the next game, but unbeknownst to her, her father secretly attends as well. During the game, Jess is pushed down and mocked by an imposing player with a racial slur and gets into a shoving match in retaliation. Jess's dad is shocked to see Joe hugging her after the incident and takes her home. Jess's parents resolve their conflict with Pinky's fiance's parents and the wedding? Oh baby, it's back on. The Harriers qualify for the finals of the league tournament,

but the championship match with an American talent scout in attendance is to be held on the same day as Pinky's wedding. Jess resigns herself to missing the game. Okay, so this was all, this was a dramatic incident here and I, okay, I thought it was really cute that her dad snuck out. I had, I felt that that was really hopeful. Terrible moment for him to only see her play that and then have that moment happen when that's his one fear about the whole thing. The timing! It's crazy! Like it's never happened to her and then she.

And it never happens again. Comes in the game for five minutes, yeah. I also love that it felt like he was, that was his first time in a crowd. When he like sat down. He's never been outside before. He's never been outside and he, when something good happens,

he like looked around to be like, okay, I can clap too. We put our hands together. We put our hands together. So cute. So the night before Pinky's wedding, Joe finds Jess's father outside the celebration and tells him about the talent scout, begging him to let Jess go.

On the day of the wedding, Jess is clearly miserable. Tony pulls Jess aside and tries to convince her to sneak out to make the second half of the game. Jess's dad finds them and tells her she can actually, uh, tells her she can go so she can actually be happy on her sister's wedding day. There's so many people there that he thinks that she can go and come back without Pinky noticing she's gone, which is, you know, there was a lot of people there. And the Harriers are behind one to zero when Jess arrives, but they rally. Jess and Jules reconcile on the field, which further fuels Jules's mother's speculation that they're a couple.

She's like, Jess is fouled and given a free kick. She scores a goal and wins the game. I just don't know how this is. This is not how rosters work. Like, yeah, I coached sports. Your player has to be present at the beginning of the game. And I'm sorry to say that, but like, I hate ruining a movie.

That she has to be present at the beginning. What if you lie and say that they're in the locker room? You know what? And we've been debunked. She's had her period for hours in the locker room. Yeah. She's used 100 tampons and now she's ready to play. So the scout offers Jess and Jules sports scholarships at Santa Clara University

in California. Is that real? Anyway, I've never heard of that. I've heard of Santa Clarita, but that's not a place anybody wants to go. So Jules and Jess share another hug and a kiss to celebrate, which Jules mother also clocks. The kiss was another, you know, that was more, that was more intense. I guess like now you're kissing and it is something. It's something, there is something there. Jules mother is on is something. It's something. It is, there is something there. Jules' mother is onto something.

Yep. Jess returns to the wedding, now able to celebrate. Jules' mother gives Jules a ride to the wedding as well. When they arrive, Mrs. Paxton accuses Jess of being a hypocrite, a lesbian, and demands Jess to return her bar. She said, there's a lesbian in my shoes. Is that what she said?

Yes. And she screamed in front of her whole family. It was so rude. Which is so rude. An older woman goes, lesbian? I thought she was a Pisces. Yeah. And I said boo.

And someone says she's not Lebanese. I said boo. There were multiple miscommunications. Yeah. So Jules drags her mother away, angrily clarifying her relationship with Jess. Jess's family is deeply confused about why a woman would show up to Pinky's wedding

to steal her shoes. I mean, it is confusing. And also the idea that you might think, she's a lesbian, I thought she was a Pisces. Why are you so aware that she's a Pisces? Yeah. I gotta say, that's weird. Yeah, my aunties do not know my horoscope.

I mean, knowing a horoscope is gay. The ants are gay. All ants are gay. All ants are gay. We know this. I was watching with closed caption and pretty much any time at the wedding or any Indian person spoke, it just said, shouting in Punjabi. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, my God. It was. Oh, no.

I was like, not right now. Tony saying good job. On the way to go. And it said, shouting, shouting, shouting, shouting. Wow. OK, so that person needs to be fired. Right now. I'll send a request into Disney Plus immediately. Thank you. That'd be great. The most upsetting thing to me in this movie was Keira Knightley's outfit at the end of

this movie. Her showing up to the wedding in her nice trousers and a white button down looking like a server, I found that incredibly offensive. I didn't like it. What if she had showed up in like a Winted Sorry? Ugh. That would have been iconic. That would have been iconic. Katie, Katie, we have to go back and we'll fix it in post.

That's so smart. That's so smart. She should have. That's how she should have showed up. No, you're totally right. Her mother said, like in Showgirls. You need to work from the culture.

Yes. Take you to a shop. But you could do it like in Showgirls where they put the bikinis over the girls so you could re-release, spend it like Beckham with her and Asari at the end. They drew bikinis over them? Sure did.

For when they showed on like VH1. Oh yes. Oh my god. That's so badass. I did not know that. What an awesome job. for when they showed on like VH1. Oh, yes. Oh my God. I did not know that. What an awesome job. I want to be a titty cartoonist. Just going in and painting.

Yeah, watching a whole movie and having to like, having to pay a lot of attention to the- There's the titty. Gotta draw something on it. Gotta cover that one again. Oh, it moved. I guess I gotta cover it. I gotta cover it. Okay, okay.

Okay, and there she goes again. I'm gonna cover that. Okay, Jess still hasn't told her parents about this scholarship. She's afraid they might not allow her to go to the US on her own. Tony, out of friendship for Jess, tells them they'll get engaged as long as she gets to go to any college she wants. That was nice. The bombers happily accept.

Yeah, but like what the fuck? A child is like, I'll marry her as long as she gets to do whatever she wants. What? No, how? It's, yeah, there's layers. They happily accept his idea, but Jess immediately confesses the truth and her mother scolds her father

for letting her leave Pinkie's wedding. Her father says he doesn't want Jess to suffer as he did and he supports her dream. And then if you could believe there's more movie, Jess runs to her right off field to tell... I mean, it's over at this point. My God, to tell Joe of her parents' decision as if Joe cares, the two almost kiss, but Jess pulls away at the last second.

She doesn't think her parents would be able to handle another rebellion by her dating an Irishman. And on the day of their flight to America, Jess and Jules are saying goodbye to their families and they're about to board the plane. When Joe arrives, he confesses his love for Jess. Jules' family doesn't even turn around. There's a man yelling.

They don't even look back at him. They're like, who cares? We can't hear it. They have a completely private moment. I find it so weird. The two privately kiss and Jess agrees to sort out their relationship and her parents when she returns for Christmas.

Jesus. Jules sees David Beckham with his wife, Victoria, and takes it as a good sign. And the two leave through the gate, giving happy waves to their families. While Jess and Jules are away, Jules' parents patch up their relationship, Pinkie becomes pregnant and Jess's dad gets back into playing cricket with Joe.

That is weird. It's such a crazy narcissist thing to do. To turn this little gal's, she's getting to go abroad, she's getting to play sports, to turn that moment into like rushing to the airport. Like making it all about you and then being like, you have to think about me every day while you're gone. Like just absolutely die. You fucking bitch.

I really did hate that. I was like so annoyed. She's about to have such an amazing and empowering moment and he runs in and it's just, it literally does just like stop every hope of her having a good time while she's there. Because now she has to call him and they're gonna have a time difference and then she's gonna meet someone she likes,

but she'll be like, I can't do this because I have this guy over here that I kissed one time who also made it, he was like, he was gonna come when they kissed. Like he was like so like, ugh. Like it was like. Right below the screen, right below the camera, he was getting headed then. OK, OK. That makes sense. It was a flight attendant guy who like runs over and he's like,

you need this right now. Yeah. Rewatch it with that in mind. And I think it'll make a ton more sense every time we see him talking. When we do posts for this movie, we're going to do the bottom half. We're going to add a bottom half to this movie for you. Yes, add somebody blowing him. It's wild what was happening under there. Little cutouts you can hold up under your TV.

So like. Ah! It's the extended version with like a little box set tree. But can you imagine that like balding man named Joe coming to visit you at your dorm in California? And all the girls are like, what's going on with that old guy? How embarrassing. Yeah.

It's weird. He's showing his scar to everyone. He's like, my scar is worse than hers. Yeah. Yeah, but the worst thing about those relationships is you can't tell that you cannot tell just that she's with an abuser. She won't know until later. Because she's being abused.

She has to make the decision herself. And so you're just like, great, that's six years down the road. Well, until she goes down on Jules and then everything changes. No, no, no. Which is part of our bottom half movie. Yes, that's in the bottom, in the bottom half. That's what you see.

You can just hear him like calling her while she's at Santa Clara and him just being like, you've changed, something's different. You've changed. Yeah, you're really focused on football and you keep calling it soccer. I don't know. Feels like he's calling me.

Well, I'm keeping, make her feel bad. He'd be like, it couldn't have been UCLA. No, you couldn't make it at USC and Santa Clara College. You know, he'd be fighting. Here's what sucks. I've been in this relationship with that guy as I think both Tien and Yarno. And we just replace soccer with improv,

which does make it sadder. Oh, no. We all were all crying. Somehow the podcast. We all, we're all crying. Somehow the podcast is very sad, but they're okay. It's okay, it's okay. Like I started out loving this movie, but now I'm like, I'm sorry about it. No, you ruined it.

No, I'm looking inward. You can still love it. You can still love it. And I don't know myself anymore. You gotta retire it. We hate it. We still love it. No, no love it. And I don't know myself anymore. You gotta retire it. We hate it. No, no, no. Honestly, it usually goes...

Thank you, Nicole. It usually goes the opposite way, where people convince us that we know, like things that we didn't like, but we convinced you to not like this, which is pretty cool. This is a win for us. Katie's not there yet.

No, I think it's pretty easy to tell queer people to re-, to kind of analyze anything that they loved from their childhood, and we're gonna end up hating it. I would say those things we like, we can find a way that, you know what? Didn't really like it. I do think that's a special power.

Honestly, that's a strength and weakness. It's a strength and weakness of the community for sure. Yes. Okay, well, let's talk about how this film was received at the time. So according to an interview between CNN reporter, Kristianne Amampour and director Gurinder Chadha in 2022, Bennett Lake Beckham holds the record as the only film shown in every country in the world, including North Korea.

What? This was the first western film allowed to be shown in every country in the world, including North Korea. What? This was the first Western film allowed to be shown in North Korean television to mark the 10-year anniversary of diplomatic ties between the country and the UK in 2010. The film, however, had to have eight minutes edited out for the broadcast to be approved. Well, maybe we would have liked it more. Yeah.

I wonder what parts they edited out. Do you think they ended up every part where they were called gay? Probably. Yeah. Probably. Yeah, yeah. Probably. No, no, because they know because I bet you that is definitely one of the reasons it was allowed because like the propaganda itself is that these women, everybody thought they were gay just for playing sports.

Yeah. I think that might be a mistake. I think the movie was just eight minutes long for North Korea. mistake. I think the movie was just eight minutes long for North Korea. Yeah, it's a soccer game. Quick and it's all man playing. The the unfortunate truth and like this is true is that like now we can look back on it and we can like, you know, absolutely shred it, which is like how art works. Like we can always look back and shred it, which is like how art works. Like we can always look back and shred it. But at the time, like if you really do think about it, this film getting played in every fucking country on earth, focusing on women playing sports.

Yeah. Even if even if people couldn't get the sub, the very obvious subtext of like this is fucked up, how we treat women, even if you couldn't get that, that is still slipping into the conscious in a way that it wasn't in 2002. Yeah, no, for sure. I mean, everything was like that at 2002. Like, so it's great. And I find this very interesting. This was the only movie ever shown in every country. It feels like it would be like Transformers or something. It would be bad. Also with, I know we don't like talking about the dads,

but it was soft dad representation in this movie. Yes. Like both dads were like emotionally mature and also knew how to regulate their emotions. So I really liked seeing two dads like that. Yeah, they should have dated. They should have dated. They should have dated.

Yeah, two soft dads become two hard dads. Two hard daddies. Two hard daddies. Okay, the film received an 85% on Rotten Tomatoes and has also been favorably received by the LGBTQ plus community members and press, with one reviewer from Vice noting its discussion of queer themes and symbolic queer undertones. Interesting.

And it's a little trivia, much of this movie's plot centers around the main character's goal of going to the US to play professional soccer for the Women's United Soccer Association, and highlight clips are shown of several of the league's superstars. On September 18, 2003, just seven weeks after the movie's official release in the US, the WUSA suspended operations due to financial problems. Whoa! They could have just waited seven weeks and there would have been a boom! Yeah. This movie would have helped you. Whoa.

Okay, well, we have to take another time out. We'll be back with more Bend It Like Beckham after this. Everybody say ready, break. Ready, break. I wanna talk to you about another podcast called Comedy Bang Bang. Have you ever heard of Comedy Bang Bang? It's one of the longest running comedy podcasts out there

and truly revolutionized the medium. Every episode, host Scott Ackerman, interviews of famous guests like Andy Samberg, Sarah Silverman, or Jon Hamm. But unlike every normal interview show, Scott and the guests are joined by a group of unhinged fictional characters played by the best comedic improvisers around.

People like Nick Kroll, Lauren Lapkus, Paul F. Tompkins, and Ben Schwartz. Over the years, the podcast has built an expanded universe with tons of recurring jokes and fan favorite characters. But the best part is, you can still easily jump in at any time and enjoy a new episode as a first time listener. So check out new episodes of Comedy Bang Bang every Monday and Bonus Bangs every Thursday,

wherever you listen to your podcasts. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"] every Thursday, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And we're back with the newcomers draft. We're gonna recast this movie with present day actors. Who, who should we pick? Who, who would be? I want, I want Kate Blanchett as the coach. Oh yeah. Yes.

He will coach, great idea. Great idea. I'm gonna slide Natalie Portman into Keira Knightley's part. So. Okay. I just, okay. Okay. Okay, no problem. No, I just, yeah, I don't know.

I just thought that since it's the exact same actor, like I thought the whole game was that we were picking a new actor. Yes, you're right, you're right. I should pick somebody younger who isn't the same person who portrayed the part. What about Renee Rapp? I was about to say Renee Rapp!

Okay. Okay, that's a really good one. Yes. That's true Renee. I think Tony would be like a Bowen Yang, I think would be really great. Okay. Jess, Poonam Patel, I think would be great.

Poonam Patel! I think would be great. Poonam Patel! I wanna see Poonam playing some soccer. I wanna see Poonam playing soccer too. She'd be so mad about it. I mean, Poonam kissing Renee is also fun. Yeah, but Poonam is the only straight actor that I would let play gay. Yeah.

So she can do that version of the movie that we want. Yeah, I want Poonam and Renee to kiss and for us to go, what's their age difference? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also not really care. No, not care at all. And this actually brings us right to our segment Kiss Cam, where we always talk about what the best kiss was

or what we wish happened in terms of kissing. And this movie is the most obvious, I would say, that we just needed everybody to turn and kiss the person that they weren't kissing, basically. Yes, yes. Kiss whoever's to the left. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I agree. This movie heavily lacked kisses. It also, I also felt like she almost kisses him twice, which was just annoying. I just wanted her to kiss him before we're going to kiss. Yes, just do it. I hate the uh. Do it, do it. It's like she interrupted her like she almost kisses him twice, which was just annoying. I just wanted her to kiss him. Yes, just do it. I hate like the uh.

Do it, do it. It's like she interrupted her when she was about to do it. And I was like, that sucks. She like sounds like she's never kissed anyone. She was about to kiss someone. Yeah. They had even something even, the moment that she actually likes him is when he touches her foot. And I thought that was obscene.

The foot moment? That's hot. That's hot, sorry. I think Paul is in defeat. I thought it was obscene. Yeah. Sorry, I thought it was obscene. It was too much. I agree.

Don't touch my feet. Don't touch my feet. After getting out of some cleats, touch my feet. Touch my little dogs. No, especially after cleats. You're my little coach. Stop slowly peeling off my socks.

Oh boo hoo. Don't touch his feet. Don't touch my feet while you're talking about your dad. It was all. Massaging the girl's feet makes me think there's gonna be a newspaper article about him very soon. Oh there already is one. Yeah and she's in California

and Keira Knightley comes in and goes, are you okay? Did you read it? Yeah, did you see the paper? Did you see the paper? Did you see the paper? Well it's time for the scoreboard, time for reviews. So this season we're reading reviews from Letterboxd

and we're giving the film one sentence reviews ourselves and a star rating. And if you don't know, Letterboxd is a social platform where people can write reviews of the films and you can follow our show on Letterboxd at Newcomers. This person gave it three and a half stars. Was it gay though is their username. And the review is, y'all, aside from that random

straight subplot, it's so gay. I'm not even sure if they realized how gay this was when they made it. You could argue the whole movie is sort of a metaphor for being gay. Alas, it is not actually gay. RIP to that potential though. They were practically in love.

Yeah. Yep. Yep. Okay, we're all gonna rate it and give it some stars. Now that you, you know, your opinions might have shifted. How do you feel about this movie? Anybody wanna go first? One sentence.

And this is out of five? Yeah. Out of five stars. Not enough smashing, three stars. Yeah, I was gonna say, just really needed some tension to be released during this film. I'm gonna give it three stars.

Still had some fun, but the music was a medicine commercial. Okay, then I'll go. I would say three stars. Can I see the deleted lesbian scenes? Love the music. Okay, great. See, we balanced.

Okay. I'm gonna say I saw myself. I've never seen myself in a movie before. Five stars. Oh, yes! That's good. I'm glad you stayed true to that. 180 again!

Um, I'm gonna give it three stars because I think I would have liked it when it originally came out, but I would have been yearning for more gay, and as an adult watching it, I'm still yearning for more gay. I would have liked football if it was gay. Give me gay football.

I think that's the official, that's the new review. Give me gay football. Give me gay football. How many stars did you give it, Nicole? Three. Yeah. Okay. Hey, that was really, really fun. I really enjoyed it. Wasn't this like the most fun? I love this combo.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much for having us. That was a blast. So cool. Do you guys have anything you want to plug? Your podcast Jocular? Just Jocular. Just Jocular. Listen to it. Yeah, if you like sports, you'll like Jocular.

And if you like women, you'll like Jocular. And if you don't, you're a misogynist. Exactly. So go download that. If you are listening to the sports season of this podcast, it's a perfect pairing. You get to double your sports intake every week. And you all were so hilarious. Thank you so much. Ed,

please if you're listening, write a review for newcomers on Apple podcasts and rate the podcast five stars on Spotify. And we'll be back next week with challengers. That's wild. Have fun. Thank you. We'll see you then. Goodbye. Okay. Everyone say newcomers on three. One, two, three. Newcomers!

Gay. Gay. Gay. ["Newcomers"] Newcomers is a Headgum Original hosted by us, Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus. Our executive producer is Anya Kanovskaya. Our producer is Ali Khan.

Our theme music, editing, sound mixing and mastering is done by Ferris Monge. Listen to new episodes wherever you get your podcasts every Tuesday. That was a Head Gum Original.