Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Fan Theories (w/ Jake Hurwitz)

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

Lauren and Nicole are joined by comedian, writer and actor Jake Hurwitz (If I Were You, Not Another D&D Podcast) to dig into some Lord of the Rings fan theories!All the most important questions are asked, and answers of varying credibility are provided... Why didn't they just fly the eagles to Mordor? Would it have been a terrible idea in the first place? Is LOTR just WW1 + magic? And who exactly is this mysterious Tom Bombadil character? Is he Tolkien? Is he YOU??Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts and let us know what LOTR media you'd like the series to cover.Sources for this episode:Article on Dungeons and Dragons MovieOriginal Eagles theory by VulcanDeathGripAn article summarizing the Eagles theoryFilm Theory video on why you SHOULDN'T fly to MordorVideo on Gollum's IdentityAll about Tom BombadilArticle by Tolkien's grandson on LOTR/WW1 similaritiesAdvertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Head of New Covers. I'm Nicole Byer. I'm Lauren Lapkus. Oh, boy. We're in the second season of our podcast, and we're working our way through the Lord of the Rings franchise for the very first time without nerd super fans and sometimes people who contributed to the franchise. This is our 18th episode of 20. And I do feel like, you know, we've really put in the work. We've we've watched the Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings, obviously, and Hobbit trilogies. We've seen the Tolkien biopic, which no one should watch. We've watched the animation trilogy, which is, you know, very long.

And then we watched the fan film, which was made by a fan. Which was so crazy. And it was actually pretty good. It was good, but in a way that I was like, this is more, you know, Hobbits and fairies that I've never cared about. We then watched a video game and discussed it in depth. We've also written our own fan fiction. We've seen lots of memes.

And I think maybe our favorite episode was last week when we played our first ever Dungeons & Dragons campaign. We were very surprised by how much fun we had. But after surviving all of that, this week we are going to investigate some Lord of the rings fan theories and deeper lore to really put our lord of the rings mastery to the test which is

something that we've been just dying to do yeah this morning i woke up and i was like i hope i can put my lord of the rings uh knowledge to the test so of course're going to have spoilers because we there's, you know, shut up if you care about that. And do we want to recap a little bit about our D&D experience? Yeah, I really enjoyed it. People kept saying it was like improv. It definitely was like improv. At first, I was it was a little strange to be like, OK, well, I've described what my character is and now i'm gonna talk as her yeah i enjoyed it i really liked it and then somebody sent me a picture of naomi campbell in like kind of like a rugged i guess it elvin outfit and i was like yeah why

wasn't naomi campbell in one of these movies she She's very beautiful. Oh, my God. She would fit in so well. Right? She didn't have to say much? No. Yeah, I was really surprised by how it worked. I didn't really understand what Dungeons & Dragons. I can't even say it. I didn't understand what it was.

Dungeons & Dragons. Dungeons & Dragons. Dungeons & Dragons. And it was really fun. And I actually thought, and I've seen a lot of people tweeted us that we need to do that for the next season. And it has crossed my mind. I mean, look, I think no matter what we do, we have to we have to make it 10 episodes. Yeah. I got to agree with you, Lauren, because 20 is too many. It's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. And I think but think but i think if we did dungeons and dragons i could handle that for 10 episodes and i know you're really funny thing

do you think the magic would wear off because we would have to continue doing it maybe but i also think if we had really funny people doing it it would be fun yeah yeah yeah but i mean we still have other ideas if if we do a third season we have i really would like to watch tyler perry movies i sent you a video i need i need to i need to watch these movies but i must be paid right i feel the same way but also I might just watch them on my own. The clip I sent you was Janet Jackson's husband. She found out he was gay and she was like, you married a woman, but you bend over for a man. And he was like, I don't bend over.

And she's like, he bends over for you. It's just. I know. I loved it. What movie was that from? I have no idea. They're all the same. It's like a woman getting ruined by a man. I just love that.

You know what I watched recently, which is not Tyler Perry, but just a woman scorned but figuring out her life, how Stella got her groove back. I had never seen that movie. It's so good. And it's really funny. And it's sad. And Whoopi Goldberg's in it, which I didn't know. And it's sad and Whoopi Goldberg's in it, which I didn't know. And it's like great.

Yeah. So like for a very long time, black people used to get like three good movies a year. And then Tyler Perry moved in and then Hollywood went, oh, he's got it covered. So now we just get shitty fucking Tyler Perry movies. And you know what? I would do one if he, you know, if he's offering. But, you know, it's a lot of it's a quantity over quality, if you will. There's just a lot.

There's a lot. I mean, he has many TV shows and things too that I think shoot very quickly. Yeah, he'll shoot like a full season of television in like eight days. You'll have one scene, the next scene, her wig's on backwards and you're like, nobody was looking at the monitor.

See, I want to watch that. Well, jumping back into our L-O-T-R, we're very excited for our guest today, Jake Hurwitz. Jake is a comedian, a writer, actor, and member of the comedy duo Jake and Amir, of course. And he's the co-founder of HeadGum,

the very podcast network that Newcomers is on, where he also co-hosts the podcast, If I Were You and Not Another D&D Podcast. So welcome, Jake. Hey, thank you. Thanks so much for having me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to set you guys on this journey. It was a bit intense to be like, you know, doing our usual complaining at the top with you watching since like you-

No, it's good that I heard it 10 episodes 10 episodes sounds about right whatever you guys want to do you pick the next thing i got i got this i got lord of the rings in and i i owe you guys we owe you guys just it i don't think there's enough like star wars has so many of them disney plus was like well if you want to circle back we got you covered with the content yeah but there isn't enough lord of the Rings content. And the difference too is like Star Wars, like it starts off fine. You guys didn't like the early Star Wars necessarily. Then there's a dip,

but then it gets better. Lord of the Rings really starts off good. And then it's all downhill from there. It was destined to fail. But it's been interesting. And I also feel like the benefit of it is that no one can say we didn't explore it deep enough. You've seen way more Lord of the Rings than I have. And I'm a big fan.

See, that's not fair. Yeah. No, I would never, never do what you guys have done. But at the same time. You wouldn't sit down and watch the video game? Oh, I played the video game. I was a big video game fan. But I don't think I have ever seen The Desolation of Smaug.

I couldn't get through The Hobbit. Oh, wow. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I think there's also a difference, too, with playing a video game and watching a video game. Which we, you know, just watching a video game is very weird. Yeah, it was very, very strange. Yeah, but I guess people do it because that had like millions and millions of views. Oh, I think watching video games is super popular.

But also like as much as you guys hated Lord of the Rings, it's all been worth it for Darkwing and Samwise to come to life in the last episode. I would follow those two to the end of the world. That was really fun. So you obviously play D&D. That's right, yeah. So is your podcast,

I want to hear about your podcast. I don't really know about it. So I've never, I was like a big Lord of the Rings fan growing up and I've never played D&D before. So this Not Another D&D podcast is me playing D&D for the first time with three people that love playing D&D and they're like super experienced. So I learned to play D&D over the last two years.

Wow. Yeah. You're just like us. So I walked in and didn't know what to do. The first episode of my podcast sounds a lot like you guys, like just discovering for the first time, oh, I can do whatever I want. Yeah. I think that's a really fun thing about D&D that I just didn't, I felt like there would be more like specifics about how you can play in it. Like that, I liked that we could just literally say anything.

And I think Brennan was such an amazing dungeon master because he was so gung-ho for everything. Yes, and so just excited. And he'd be like, good choice. And I was like, it was? Yeah, it was fun. Brennan is amazing. And his voice recall, the fact that he could just play a character by the gate and make a voice and then remember that voice at the end of the episode. That's wild.

It was very good. Wait, who's your character in D&D? I played, I played a human raised by dwarves. His name was hard one. Sure. Foot.

He was just a big, tall bearded guy with really thick calves and quads. I think D&D is just like, you get to be a guy that you wish you were. And I have like foot pain. So my guy just had fucking awesome feet. Wait, what happened to your feet? I broke my heel. I can't believe I talk about my hurt foot all the time on my podcast. I can't believe I'm coming on yours and talking about my hurt foot so early. I broke my heel in like 2013 and it never really got better,

but it's looking good now. How'd you break it? I was rock climbing and I didn't fall, but I jumped really in a dumb way. Oh, do you think now you could like rehabilitate it? Because I've got a great orthopedic surgeon and a referral to a very good physical therapist. Yeah, I would love to rehab this foot i yeah okay definitely i'll give it a shot all right could you get like a would you

ever get like a sort of replacement heel is that a thing yes i would yeah i don't that has not come up but i did look into it one time i thought that like i had squished all the like fat pad out of my heel and i thought you could do like a collagen injection in it or something um but no that i guess that's not a thing and i didn't do that did you have surgery on your heel yeah this is another part of the saga which is really like my heel never ever got better but then i was hiking and i slipped and i hurt my other foot my left, no. And then my left foot hurt forever and my heel kind of stopped hurting. But then I got surgery on my left foot. So my heel is starting to hurt again. It's like one of my feet just needs to be hurt all the time.

How long did it take? But not hard one sure foots. He's the man. Wait, how long after your surgery did it take? Could you like not walk? I'm just going through it with my ankle. And I'm like, how long did How long? How long did it take? Okay.

So, well, unfortunately for me, it's been seven years, but I'm sure for you. Not a good story. Yeah. No.

Well, the difference is I was really stupid. So when I broke my heel, I, I went online to like a rock climber forum, like an idiot. And I was like, I typed in my symptoms and,

and I was like, do I have a broken heel? And one of the comments was like, if you have a broken heel, you'll know. So I was just like, well, I'm looking, so I don't. And I just walked on my broken heel for six months. So by the time I went, they like, you know, it didn't, the bone could never like completely fuse back in the right way. So you're getting your treatment done like early. So I think that's the key.

It's not uncommon for people to ignore something, but I like, I had plantar fasciitis when I was like in my early twenties and it hurt so bad, but I didn't know what it was. And I remember being on like a vacation and I was like, I couldn't walk. Like it hurts so fucking bad, but I just like,

was like, this is just what it is like my feet really hurt and then i eventually went to physical therapy and it was really great and it's all fine but i i did that a long time that is the weird like meanwhile if anyone you loved like had that problem with their feet like go to a doctor today but when it's happening to you you're just like no no no it's fine it it's fine. It'll be all right. Yeah. It's going to go away. Well, okay. We can get back to your feet in a little bit, but how did you become- Please, yeah, maybe after the break. How did you become a Lord of the Rings fan to begin with?

I think it coincided a little bit like with me being in high school and like smoking weed for the first time. Like we didn't have anything to do. A friend of mine was over. I think we got high and watched The Fellowship. See, for me, that was a disaster in high school because we did that and then I fell asleep within one minute. Yeah, I was just about to say that would put me right to sleep. I'd be like, and a little stony, put on a boring movie and go right to sleep. Yeah, I guess maybe I was just always going to like it no matter if I saw it like when I first smoked weed or not. I guess I just I fell in love with it though.

But that would make it really good if you were into it and you were high and you're a teenager. Yeah. When weed really gets you the best. Yeah. Definitely. It doesn't hit me the same way anymore. Now I'm just doing like the edibles for my foot pain you know oh no dang got it back to the feet yeah sometimes i like to get rip roaring high and drive my car and just he he alone nicole there's a sign there's a sign um in la that's like drive like this is a sign that you shouldn't be driving high or something and i saw it yesterday and i said to mike like if i saw that i was high i think i would feel bad i've seen it while i was high and i giggle it's on melrose yeah yeah every time i see it i'm like oh because i'm just like

i'm fine i'm just having a nice time alone yeah it sounds great, honestly. Yeah, it's nice. Gillistone, go for a drive. What's your favorite part of Lord of the Rings, Jake? Ooh, great question. Thanks for asking. I think it's changed a lot. When I was younger, I was like, I just thought Legolas was cool. Like a sharpshooter. That is my shit.

I thought he was like handsome. I thought he was like, he's a cool acrobat. But as I got older, I've just like, I've gotten more boring and I just like the maps. I think the maps are super cool. I love geography. A lot of people love the maps, actually. I don't know what it is. This has come up.

And someone who my husband was working with listens to the podcast and he has like elaborate maps of the lands. And he, they're at his office and during covid he hasn't been able to see them he might be listening to this now he needs to get in his car and get his maps but everyone loves the maps yeah i mean i think they satisfy some like weird wanderlust part of my brain like even just like looking at a far off land and imagining it i like i like thinking about it yeah and do you typically have an interest in maps yeah i do i love i i'm a big map guy i think wait really are you doing a bit you know where everything is yeah no i really do yes i do i wow i think i been to, I've been to 49 of the 50 states. Like I've taken six cross-country trips. I really like, I like, I guess, I don't even know if I like geography. I like traveling

a lot, but like- What is it called? Cartography? Cartography. Cartography. I do have like, I've spent a dumb amount of money on like weird cartographic maps. Cartography. Do you think you could fill in the blanks on like a blank American map? Wow. It's so fucking hard. I could never. Yes, I think I could. I think I could. Do you think you could draw a map of America that wouldn't look horrible?

I think it wouldn't look horrible. It wouldn't be right, but it wouldn't look that bad. Like Kentucky andouri might be a little fucked but i think i generally have a sense of at least all the outer ones i have no idea right now where kentucky or missouri is i i struggle in my head as well with i was like wait missouri would be i don't know i was doing shows in oklahoma once it was like some festival and i was like are we in the midwest and they were like, no. And I was like, then where is Oklahoma? They don't consider it the Midwest.

And I was like, I think it is. Is it just the South? Yeah, maybe it's just the South. Maybe it is the South. I don't know. People were all screaming at the same time. They were pretty angry with me. So I don't know. I don't know where Oklahoma is.

They have other shit to work on, it sounds like. But I think people don't like it when you're somewhere and you don't know where it is and they're from there yeah it's like it feels like really rude but it's but i was like not they should know their flyover states like you know the states in the middle aren't destination no one's coming from sweden to go to cincinnati yeah i mean I feel like I've had confusion over the years about like where exactly Manhattan is compared to like everything right around it because it's a weird. It's a weird island.

It's just weird. Yeah. It's off like the coast of New York proper. Yeah. It really is. Yeah. I miss New York. Me too.

I miss going anywhere. But we can't go anywhere. You are. One in 20. Wait, you're in New York. You moved, right? I did, yeah. Are you so happy? I miss New York. Yeah, I'm very. I mean, it kind of sucks to be anywhere now, but

New York's definitely solid. I've been taking like big bike rides around the city. That's nice. Well, LA's not doing well. One in 20 Los Angeles people have COVID. Also, I just learned that people be dying on planes from COVID. The airlines aren't doing contact tracing.

What a way to go. Isn't that nuts? That sucks. I saw that. And I think that's the most insane thing I've ever heard. People are dying from it. And then they don't even tell everyone. Yes.

I don't even know. And then the airline's response is like well we're doing the honor system that's how we didn't know that the people had covet because they told us they didn't have it well that's not how you should do it you should do rapid testing it's so nuts i feel insane should we do the shire wire yeah that's the only thing that'll cure this insanity so all right what I came here for. So, all right. So, could a new Dungeons & Dragons movie repeat the magic of the Lord of the Rings?

In the intervening decades since the Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings trilogy, there's been no viable successor in the swords and sorcery genre, despite continued interest in token-esque fiction, as exemplified by the success of video game sagas such as Legend of Zelda, World of Warcraft, as well as George R.R. Martin's

A Song of Ice and Fire novels and accompanying Game of Thrones TV shows. But this week reports emerged that, ooh, Chris Pine is in talks. He's, was he in Star Trek? Or is he in? He's Captain Kirk, yeah. Oh, okay, cool.

He's in talks to star in a new film adaptation of Dungeons and Dragons, a role-playing game that was once frowned upon by Tolkienistas. Tolkienistas? Tolkienistas? Tolkienistas is a fashionista? He's like a Maxinista.

It's a Maxinista. I'm a Tolkienista. I get all my Tolkien fashions at a discount. If Pine does sign on the dotted line, it sounds as if the studio Paramount is serious about bringing Gary... What's this last name? Guy Gax?

Oh, Guy Gax. Yeah, he created D&D. I cannot believe I got that one right. He created D&D? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. I sort of thought it just existed. So did I. Wow. I sort of thought it just existed. So did I.

I guess I just never thought someone created it. Yeah. Do you know about Gary Gygax? I wish I'm going to, my ads are going to be fucking destroyed. He was a guy. He was a guy. And I think he made D&D up. There you go.

Okay, cool. That's what he did. Yeah. Fans of the genre, family, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah oh my god show me to read it the shower wire glitched out but she just got you know she got bored i'll take it a succession of terrible fantasy efforts from aragon to duncan jones's warcraft have left fans of the genre flailing in the swamps of despair over the past 20 years.

Even... Blah, blah, blah. Fuck. See? No. I'm kidding. It says that. That's what it says. Even Jackson struggled to repeat his own trick with The Hobbit and misguided attempt to film Tolkien's fleet-footed and folksy fable as a

Lord of the Rings-style epic trilogy. Against this background, this article says the chances of Dungeons & Dragons emerging as the gilded successor to Lord of the Rings that we all hope it can be seem about as likely as rolling a single number on a 20-sided die. Whoa. Oh my God. Well, Jake, do you agree that there has been a lack of good content since Jackson's trilogy?

And what would you want out of the D&D movie? Wow. All right. so i have two opinions the first one is that this this like snippet bakes in uh game of thrones in there which was like hugely successful widely celebrated the fans got definitely like something's happened since uh lord of the rings it was game of thrones and i think game of thrones kind of like yeah that there's viability and in dragons and swords and all that stuff um i also watched the first two dungeons and dragons movies um and they're very very very very bad so okay like a movie a script would take away from the magic yeah i get to choose my own adventure in dungeons and dragons yeah i feel like you'd want to at least have it get to choose my own adventure in Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah.

I feel like you'd want to at least have it be a choose-your-own-adventure movie where you, like, you know, watch it on a computer and click options or something. Oh, and they could, like, do that now on Netflix or something, right? True, yeah.

Where you could just, like... There is, like, this, like, magic to rolling the dice where you, like, you can want to do something, but you actually have to like you have to like take a bet and you take a risk to roll the dice, which you can't you can't recreate that. And just watching a character do it on television or a movie. Yeah, I liked that about the game that like it's there's some control and like you can make it up, but you can't just do whatever. But you kind of can.

Yeah, you can do whatever, but then, like, the dice will affect how well the outcome of what you want to do is. Right. You can say whatever you want to do, and then the dice will actually let you know if you do it or how well. And I guess, like, there's also something about D&D that is just, like, it's inherently light and funny and silly and you're goofing around and that never ever happens when in like the D&D movies it's always like way it's over dramatized there's like a ton of gravitas and I don't know if it can be recreated but Chris Pine's kind of charming he's pretty funny he's funny and he's a real hottie are there any hotties in the first two D&D movies no it's like that dude that dude that was in, he was in Step by Step.

He was like one of the kids' friends that always had like the chunky sweater. Oh, yeah. And he also was on Full House. Yeah, he was on Full House too as Nelson. Yes. Yes, I think so. He was DJ's boyfriend for a little bit. Wait, what?

And he was like kind of a 90s staple as like a guest star recurring guest star right um so he's in dnd so he he's like he's like cute in a 90s way like oh okay it was him and marlon wayne's in the first dnd movie what that's so random yeah interesting i didn't know that this was a thing i'm so curious about this like yeah that and but they're not good the first one's i think the first one's pretty bad like i think jeremy irons might even be in it like it should have been oh they tried to make it fun yeah but then the second one is the second one's real bad the second one is really bad oh what is that guy's name? Nelson from Full House? Yeah.

Nelson Burkhardt? Oh, wait, it wasn't Nelson. Nelson. Nelson. Oh, my God. Wow, Nelson. Oh, my God. That's not who it was, though.

No. Okay, so who was it? No, not Jason Marsden. James Marsden? Not James. Oh, Jason. Whoa, that's two different people? Oh, no, that is who that is

Are they related No Nelson is Jason Marsden Oh right Oh okay But wait Oh Justin Whalen Justin Whalen That's who it was

Okay okay But Hal Sparks played Jason Marsden On Fuller House He played the grown up version Of Nelson Burkhardt Where was Nelson Why didn't he play himself

Yeah where's Nelson I gotta know more about that He didn't he play himself yeah where's nelson i gotta know more about that he didn't want to do it for some reason oh my god i'm so fascinated who did you say it was the real person oh justin whalen i think is his name i just have to see oh okay okay he's cute recognize this guy he's kind of cute oh he has the same birthday as me wow yeah so that's me that's very meaningful i don't know he okay he was in child's play i i don't know we have to prove that it was step by step but i really thought he was in step by step i did amazing work to piece together

who i thought you were talking about and I feel like that just needs to go with some notice on it. This Marsden guy could have been in the movie for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For sure. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't seem like this guy was on that but he was in a lot of stuff like National Lampoon's Dorm Days 2. Oh my God.

Wow. I'm very, I love to go down people's IMDB holes. Last night I was watching To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything. A perfect movie. It's so good,

but I haven't seen it since I was a kid. And which guy is it? There's Jeremy London and Jason London or something. There's twins. In real life, there's one actor in the movie, but he is an identical twin and they're both actors yeah i think that's jason yeah and one of them was in

dazed and confused and one of them was in mall rats and they're both successful it's like how do you have a twin one is crazy oh is that true i don't know currently he said he got kidnapped, but then maybe he didn't get kidnapped. Jeez. Good. Yeah. Fake kidnapping is a really bold move. Mm-hmm. Because how could you lie about a kidnapping?

There's going to be a lot of people who corroborate that you were not kidnapped. So many questions would just poke holes in it so fast. As soon as you say you've been kidnapped, someone is like, I want to know everything. Tell me all about that. And you really have to be, you gotta be buttoned up. You've got to have a full story.

Did you ever read or see the movie room? Yes. It's the one with Brie Larson where she's kept in a room, but it's based on a true story. Yeah, I did. I did see that movie. A lot of times I think about,

this is just dark, I guess, but like how many weird little shacks there are in the country that something weird. It is like upsetting to think about. Like, it's just like, you could just be living next door to somebody and something like that could be happening. And that's just really scary whenever i watch hgtv and like someone is going in like

a house that was like you know auctioned or whatever and they go in they're like ew it's stinky and there's like dirty stuff everywhere i'm like yeah because like probably like people were like not okay in there some really bad here. Like, you gotta do some serious work to make this not have bad energy. Yeah, burn sage. Oh my God.

I, it's, it's all, there's just probably so, I mean, this is not at all the topic of the show, but there's so many homes

that are just full of trash and just smell horrible and the people inside are despondent and, and it's just so sad and there's nothing you can do. Do you ever watch Hoarders?

They sometimes fix those houses up a little bit. Come back there in five years, dude. Hoarders is so sad because I'm like, there's something mentally going on that they're barely touching on. You can't fix it in a weekend. You're not.

Yeah. You can't like Marie Kondo that. No. Yeah. No. And it's probably very painful to be getting rid of that stuff. And there's cameras and your whole family's there. There was one hoarders where this man was hoarding big old dildos and he was like, get

out. They're like, what? He's like, get out. And she's like, what is this? Okay. That's a good one. Yeah. They never, I've never seen one, get out! She's like, what is this? Okay, that's a good one. Yeah. I've never seen one where the people have something interesting like that.

It's usually just like newspapers and like old cans. Yeah, no, just he had lots of dildos. That's cool. Well, speaking of dildos, we are going to talk about a character whose name kind of sounds like dildo, but we'll get there in just a little bit. I think we'll take a quick break and we'll come back and get into Tom Bombadildo a little bit. If you're wondering what a NordVPN is, I'll tell you. VPN stands for Virtual Private Network,

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N-O-R-D-V-P-N dot com slash newcomers. It's risk-free with Nord's 30-day money-back guarantee. Link is in the episode description. Ooh, and we're back. Okay, so let's talk a little bit about fan theories. Now, this is someone named Vulcan Deathgrips' theory about the eagle plot hole, okay? One heavily debated plot hole in The Lord of the Rings has been

if the eagles can carry humans, why doesn't Gandalf just ask them to fly frodo to mount doom to destroy the one ring okay well according to reddit user vulcan death grip that was exactly gandalf's plan all along okay so we have a little article here that explains this a bit this genius theory completely redefines the way you'll see lord of the rings okay so they kind of break down why didn't he do that why didn't he say it like that and then toward the beginning of the fellowship of the ring the wizard gandalf the gray reports to chief wizard saruman the white with his concerns about the evil sauron's rising power saruman who secretly has been corrupted by the power of sauron's one ring imprisons galf and the eagles save Gandalf from his prison, giving him an idea for how

to rid the world of the source of Sauron's power, the One Ring, once and for all. Eagles. Eagles are the idea. Yes. So Vulcan Deathgrip suggests that before going to Rivendell to meet with Elrond and the hobbits, Gandalf approaches the eagles in the Misty Mountains

as illustrated on this map here where he planned with them to fly frodo to mount doom to destroy the ring and when the fellowship of the ring first forms gandalf conceals from them his designs with the eagles so that in the event of the fellowship's capture the details of his plan can't be extracted from them by torture gandalf intends to tell them about it once they reach the other side of the mountains. Gandalf does keep a lot of secrets. That's like that track so far. He's a secretive guy.

It's something that makes him pretty attractive, honestly. Yeah, I think it's pretty sexy. A man who doesn't have loose lips. Yep, he's got dildos in the closet for sure. He's got tight lips, dildos, and he's got lots going on in his brain. There are four passes the Fellowship can take through the mountains as Vulcan Deathgrip shows on this map, Lips, dildos, and he's got lots going on in his brain. There are four passes the Fellowship can take through the mountains as Vulcan Deathgrip shows on this map, and the high pass, despite being the quickest route,

would be watched by enemies so Gandalf can't use it. Gandalf instead chooses the Redhorn Pass as it won't be watched by orcs or goblins. Unfortunately, Saruman blocks the Fellowship's way with a blizzard and they're forced to turn back and go even farther south. Gandalf leads the fellowship through the mines of Moria, despite the presence of orcs and a Balrog, and he intends to let the fellowship know about his full plan as soon as they reach to their side. But unfortunately, he never makes it through the mines. He falls into a chasm while fighting the Balrog, taking his true plans with him.

taking his true plans with him. And as he's about to fall, he realizes he must tell the fellowship to go to the Eagles while also not revealing the plan to attack the orcs to the attacking orcs. So to get his message across to his allies, he simply tells them fly. You fools. Unfortunately, the rest of the fellowship is too traumatized to understand the true meaning

of the message. They had. So when Gandalf is resurrected later as Gandalf, the white, he has lost the memories of his plan he doesn't recall the plan until he sends the eagles to save frodo and sam from the exploding mount doom by then the ring has been destroyed successfully anyway and the world is saved but like why couldn't gandhi just like get on an eagle with frodo and drop the ring off

this doesn't answer the question this is just explaining the plot being like, eventually he was going to get to eagles. Vulcan's death grips theory like falls apart at the end when he just says like Gandalf comes back and doesn't remember his plan. Totally, he just goes, and then he actually had amnesia. It's like, well, okay.

He's putting a lot on Gandalf, I think. It is. It's like that fall really took it out of him you know we don't know that i feel like he was really strong this also assumes that it was a good idea to use the eagles in the first place which i don't think that it necessarily was right like well i thought the eagles couldn't really get involved because they were neutral the eagles yeah i think that was what we came to understand was that like they don't work for one person yeah and like it's a huge difference to be like go pick my friend up like the the volcano isn't dangerous anymore he's

waiting for a ride than it is to be like you have to like fly this guy to the volcano where the where the eye is guarding it like it's a way more dangerous mission an eagle's not going to be like okay you know i agree i feel like the eagles wouldn't really want to do that shit i don't know uh well this is in response to the previous theory the youtube channel the film the theorist created a video about how you shouldn't fly to mordor in the first place so uh you can click on we're gonna we're gonna click on this and then if you want to follow along you can find the link in the video in our show notes and then we're watching from the seven minute mark and three, two, one, play. So the first thing to know is that in Tolkien's lore,

most of the stuff in Middle-earth was created by three gods, Bonwë, Yavanna, and Aulë. Yes, Middle-earth has gods. Gods that, let's be honest, were probably a bit pissed that in three Hobbit movies, scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel

for any content to fill their excessive runtimes, they still didn't make the cut. Anyway, IN THE BEGINNING Yavanna created all the plants, trees, forests, and animals. Aole comes in and makes the dwarves. Yavanna, worried that the dwarves would literally just mow down the forests to make stuff, creates the ants to protect the trees. Manwe, feeling a bit left out, sees the stuff the other two are creating and goes,

Aw, sweet, would you help me make some eagles? Like, big ones. Big eagles. And boom! Yavanna and Monway made the eagles. And thus, the eagles came into existence. The end. Now, why would you care about any of this stuff? Well, it shows us that the eagles go super far back in the history of this world. And in general, the older stuff is in Middle Earth, the more powerful it is. Except for the dwarves. Sorry, Gimli.

But that means in the hierarchy of Middle Earth, eagles rank way up there. This is 4 million views? Directly below them are the demigods, or Maiar. This tier has some familiar faces. Sauron, Saruman, and Gandalf. And the eagles are just slightly

below them. In fact, Tolkien himself was a bit wishy-washy on this point, saying that, hey, the eagles are pretty much unofficially Maiar. But anyway, suffice it to say, they rank above all the other races. So why does any of this matter? Well, canonically, and this is a point that the movies don't really do a good job of explaining, the Ring of Power works proportionally to the power of the Holder. You ever wonder why a hobbit was really the safest choice to be ring bearer? Or why this all-powerful ring that everyone is so scared of only manages to turn people invisible?

It's because hobbits are a really low power race in this world. And because of that, the ring of power is the least dangerous in their hands. The one ring can only really use what's in the wearer, which isn't that much when it's being carried by a hobbit. Now contrast that to the giant eagles who are practically demigods and who according to Tolkien himself have a wingspan of 30 baffles, putting them at half the size of a football field. Those are not just big. During the War of Wrath, which was a huge war before the Lord of the Rings series happened,

they were able to kill the dragon that was so enormous that when he crash-landed, he collapsed three giant active volcanoes. These eagles are massive, powerful, and they're immortals who are more powerful than all the other races on Middle-Earth. Oh yeah, and they can also canonically see through walls. The eagles are more than just mere birds. They are no joke, and they definitely don't need their power amped up by the One Ring. If you give the eagles an opportunity to carry the One Ring, you're looking at potentially the most powerful Dark Lords in the entire series. If

they can manage to fit the ring on their talons, that is. If you think about it, this is the same reason why the ring has to stay out of everyone else's hands. This is why Gandalf never directly touches the ring and tries to keep it out of his sight as much as possible. But I feel like that's talking down to Frodo. Yeah, this is not fair to Frodo.

It's terrible to imagine. Because Gandalf is a Maiar demigod. The classic Galadriel freakout scene is her basically predicting her own power amped up on the ring, which is, again, why so many people are required to protect the darn thing. Hey! Hey! Boromir! My eyes are up here! Hey! Also notice when the eagles do come into play, to rescue Sam and Frodo from Mount Doom as it collapses, when the Ring of Power is no longer around.

As soon as it's destroyed and out of the running, then it's safe to bring the eagles in, because they're no longer gonna be tempted. No one's at risk. And that's exactly when Gandalf calls for their help again. But there's more to this plan being stupid than just raw power. Sauron literally doesn't comprehend the possibility that anyone with the ring would want to destroy it, and he doesn't discover this plan until mere moments before the ring is tossed into the heat of Mount Doom. He can't defend himself if he doesn't know what he's defending against. That's why it's

imperative that the Fellowship remain a secret from everyone. And the eagles? Remember, they are the size of Boeing 747s up there. Trying to conduct a stealth mission with a giant eagle to drop the ring into the pits of Mount Doom would be like trying to sneak into a Jamba Juice with a fighter jet. Or, you know what? Maybe we should just believe Tolkien himself. In a letter from June 1958 where he criticizes an unofficial Lord of the Rings film treatment sent to him, going so far as to say it's murdered his story. Wow. Yeah, that's harsh. We're back. Tolkien directly comments on the scripts over use of the to the Ring's film treatment sent to him, going so far as to say it's murdered his story.

Wow. Yeah, that's harsh. We're back. Tolkien directly comments on the scripts over use of the eagles. Quote, The eagles are a dangerous machine. I've used them sparingly. He's talking about the band. That is the absolute opposite of their credibility.

End quote. Using the eagles to solve all your problems just doesn't make for a good story. And that's ultimately what we as an audience are here for. And Tolkien, being the incredible writer that he is, knew just that. But hey,

that's just a theory. Oh my God. Oh my God. Dude, YouTube is so intense. Jesus Christ. It really is. That guy had a cold.

Oh my God. Imagine having that kind of time on your hands. I feel like the way YouTube has become like with editing where like everything has to be like like it's like you can't like just give information you have to like have like some weird thing pop in go like it's like you have to like have like

constant distractions the voiceover was intense it was but i do feel like um it's interesting about frodo but is that true or is that just his theory? I mean, I'll say that that theory absolutely destroyed the Gandalf forgot to tell them about the eagle plan theory. Like that one just there was a lot of different reasons why the eagles were a bad choice. I feel like saying but like maybe I'm harping on the wrong part, but like I feel like saying that like Frodo doesn't have power because he's a hobbit and that's why he could have the ring like can't it just be that like he's a really interesting perspective like yeah i feel like sometimes people look for things where you don't really need to find something like he can just be like an interesting wholesome character and that's why we're not caring about the power of the ring

isn't like a weakness that Frodo has. It's a strength, really. But then also, fucking Gollum, wasn't he a hobbit? Yeah. And then he couldn't handle it. So Frodo is the chosen one. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not because he's weak, it's because he's chosen. Yeah. Let's make a TikTok. Strong Frodo theory. One thing you guys don't get is that Frodo actually was really strong and that his power came from his desire not to be evil. Oh my God. Well, next is a theory on Gollum's identity.

So this next theory was featured in a video posted by the YouTube channel Looper. It suggests that Gollum is not simply the dark side of Smeagol's personality, but rather a separate entity that has always existed within the ring and can, uh-oh, this word looks hard, imbue and take over any ring holder with its identity. So if you want to follow along, there's a link to this video in the show notes, and we're starting from 1 minute and 24 seconds. Ready?

Ready. 3, 2, 1. Smeagol is one of the most pitiful characters from the Lord of the Rings, and in a way, one of the most lovable too. Anyone with a heart should be able to feel for the poor wretch as he struggles with his centuries-long obsession with a powerful force beyond his own comprehension.

Then, of course, there's Gollum, the other side of his split personality in the films. Gollum basically represents all the bad stuff. He's hateful, violent, and willing to stop at nothing to get hold of his precious ring. While most people generally accept that these two characters make up a kind of multiple personality disorder on Spiegel's part, one fan theory suggests a wholly different take. Rather than simply writing off Gollum as Smeagol's evil side, this theory goes out on a limb and claims that Gollum is a legitimate personality all its own that stems from within the One Ring itself.

This theory rests on the fact that, when Bilbo is possession of the Ring, he acts very similarly to Smeagol's golem personality. Towards the end of the story, Frodo begins to act his way, too. In short, anyone tempted by the ring, and not just Smeagol, can exhibit snippets of this identity, and upon giving in to the ring's dominance, would themselves be completely consumed by it. It would have happened to Bilbo, it almost happened to Frodo, and it'd probably happen to you, too.

"...Wow. Okay." "...Okay." "...And it'd probably happen to you too. Wow. Okay. Okay. And it probably happened to you too. It probably would. It probably would, honestly. I would instantly become Gollum as soon as I had the ring.

Mm-hmm. All my hair falls out. We think Gollum is so disgusting. He's nasty. He's trash. He's not for me. Yeah. No, I'm not a Gollum fan either.

When I watched, like, Return of the king i fast forward the sam and frodo and golem parts now wow oh wow heavy yeah so so that thing was just saying golem wasn't it because he wasn't the only thing that that would ever happen to anybody could become golem yeah and that's it right and he's saying that golem that like the ring itself is that like golem is inside the ring and it can attach it like it'll be part of you if you pick up the ring i mean that feels true it feels like that's something they show a lot in the movies that like it immediately makes people like disturbing and it just kind of manifests in different ways.

But, um, cool. I guess I agree. Okay. Okay. We agree. Now we're going to talk about Tom Bombadil,

which is a character that came up actually on our first episode, I think with, or at least when we had Gabriel. Yeah. Um, this is a very elusive and heavily debated character in the franchise. He makes a brief appearance in the books and takes part in a couple very old Tolkien poems. Now we're going to

dedicate some time in this episode to this enigmatic character, learn a bit about his origins, and indulge a bit in his mystique. Now let's start with some quotes from The Fellowship of the Ring. Eldest, that's what I am. Tom remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn he knew the dark under the stars when it was fearless before the dark lord came from outside i would never read that book old tom bombadildo is a merry fellow bright blue his jacket is and his boots are yellow Here's a quote. He is. Very mysterious. I read the books.

I read the books. I have no recollection of this. This is crazy to me. A few people brought up Tom Bombadil as being someone they care about from the books. What? Yeah. A few people brought up Tom Bombadil as being someone they like care about from the books. What? Yeah. Gabrus loves Tom Bombadillo and you can't even remember him.

I don't know. No, I glossed over Bombadil. I know nothing of him. This is bizarre to me. As early as 1934, there are poems depicting Bombadil as an extremely old and merry fellow living in a small valley close to the with the window river where he wanders and explores nature at his leisure several of the valley's mysterious residents attempt to capture bombadil for their own ends but quail at the power of tom's voice which defeats their enchantments and commands them to return to their natural existence throughout the poem bombadil is unconcerned by the attempts to capture him and brushes

them off with the power in his words. And here is some more background. Bombadil, Bombadilli is best known for his appearance in the books. In the first volume, The Fellowship of the Rings, Frodo Baggins and company meet Bombadil, Tom Bombadil, is it Bombadil? Who cares?

I'm going to say what I want to say. Bombadilo, Bombadildo, that's what I'll say. In the old forest, Bombadillo? Who cares? I'm going to say what I want to say. Bombadillo. Bombadildo. That's what I'll say. In the old forest, Bombadildo is mentioned but not seen near the end of Return of the King, with Gandhi planning to pay him a long visit. If there's not like a sex toy that's a Tom Bombadildo, they are really missing out.

What are they doing? He was one of Tolkienlkien's earliest literary creations so tolkien's biographer humphrey carpenter says that tom was inspired by a dutch doll that belonged to the professor's eldest son michael this doll was said to have looked very splendid it had a real feather in its hat but michael's brother john did not like it and one day he decided to stuff it down the laboratory. The doll was rescued and survived to become one of the heroes of the spontaneous stories that were told to the children at bedtime. These predate the writing of Lord of the Rings.

Tom Bombadildo was, however, part of the Lord of the Rings from the earliest drafts. Real quick, this reminded me, this said doll. So we talked about American Girl dolls in a prior episode yeah i sent my sister a vintage molly doll yes did she get it and she got it there was no card in it so she texted me she was like nicole someone has my address and i'm really scared and she sent me a picture of this doll and i was like oh yeah if someone just sent me a doll from my childhood with no information i would be scared too. So I just wrote LOL. And then she called me and she was like,

who has my address? And then I was like, I have to call you later. And I finally was like, it was me. I'm so sorry. Why did you let her not think it was you? I don't know.

I don't know. Cause somebody sent something to my house and I just told her about it. Like somebody found my address and their child wrote me a letter. But I know it's inappropriate. Well, I wrote them back and told them it was inappropriate. I was you wrote the child back or the person. No, I wrote their parents back. And I was like, this is insane that you thought it was appropriate to do this.

And I sent them their letter back and I told them I didn't want it. And I hope that their child learns more in Zoom school than they did from them. Whoa. Well, good for you. Well, it's just rude. It's like, why would you ever? Well, it's so scary. It is scary.

And then also it's like, you know, I don't know. I have an Instagram. Like, you truly interact with me. Like, that's the place. Do it there. Oh, my God. Not at my house. Yeah.

Don't send me things. And then someone sent a picture of me to my old address and they're like can you autograph this and send it back to me and i was like you want me to do work anyway peter jackson stated that the lord of the rings post office this is not okay this is not fun uh peter jackson stated that the reason that the character was omitted from the lord of the rings film trilogy was because he thought Bombadildo does little to advance the story. It would make the film unnecessarily long.

Well, Peter, your movie's over three hours. God forbid this film is long. I'd really hate for it to be too long. I didn't know that was his concern. So a couple of theories about Tom. Now, one is that Tom Bombadil is in fact a representation of Tolkien. He is eldest because he existed before the books. He saw the first raindrops because he wrote it. He is immune to the powers of the ring, yet seems to have enough power to save the world all by himself, yet he does not because he wrote it all down, knows what's going to happen and chooses not to interfere for the sake of the readers. Tolkien, however, has stated that there is

no embodiment of him in his works. Okay, so it's not a theory if he's saying it's not. Yeah. I'll trust J.R.R. actually over the fan theory. Well, there is another theory

that Tom Bombadilno is a representative of the reader themselves. Supporting evidence for this includes his ability to make the ring appear and disappear at will. The reader's opening and closing of the book. His ability to see Frodo even when he's wearing the ring. Frodo is still described in the book while wearing the ring and therefore is still visible to readers. Just like Tom, the ring has no power over the reader despite its evil nature.

Yeah. You know, sometimes I think people write things and it is what it is. He's just a character in the story. He's so lucky

that he's dead and like not around for the fan page. Oh my God. He would fucking hate Reddit. Can you imagine this poor guy?

Mm-hmm. And like when you are somebody who is writing a huge fantasy world where there's tons of characters and you kind of just throw one in there, like there's no more. Like it's just like, he's just a guy. He's a silly guy. He lives in the forest. He has a feather in his hat.

And they're like, wait, is that you, J.R.R.? It's actually us, the reader. It's like, it's a guy. Never mind. Tom's not in the book anymore. If there was the internet i'm gonna cut tom yeah we're cutting tom just to stop the conversation fuck it the eagles are small too this is the opposite of harry potter where like i think i

like enjoyed harry potter and i was like whatever and now jk is like dumbledore's gay and it's like who cares i know like don't don't do that just just let the story like how come no one's analyzing my books it's like I don't know bitch well she needs to stop talking about many things um but okay so here's another thing World War I inspired Lord of the Rings which we do know but many have suggested that the Lord of the Rings is an allegory for World War I with Tolkien's own grandson making a compelling case in an article he wrote for bbc imagine being related to tolkien and being like i gotta write stuff about this and like care about this evil and middle earth is above all in is above all industrialized sauron's orcs are brutalized workers sauromon has a mind

of metal and wheels and the desolate moonscapes of Mordor and Isengard are eerily reminiscent of the No Man's Land of 1916. The companionship between Frodo and Sam echoes the deep bonds between the British soldiers forged in the face of overwhelming adversity. They all share the quality of courage which is valued above all other virtues in Lord of the Rings. virtues in Lord of the Rings. And then, when the war is over, Frodo shares the fate of so many veterans who remain scarred by invisible wounds when they return home, pale shadows of the people that they once were. There is a sense, too, that the world has been fundamentally changed by Sauron, even though he has been defeated. Innocence and magic are disappearing from Middle-earth as the elves leave, departing into the West. And I think that my grandfather must have felt the same about Europe in the aftermath of the Great War. How terrible it must have been to fight the war to end all wars,

only to have to send your sons to fight in another war 20 years later. Though it's likely that the war greatly affected Tolkien's worldview and therefore shares some similarities to his writing, he was loath to create allegories and illusions. Saying of The Lord of the Rings, as for any inner meaning or message it has in the intention of the author none so why do you why does grandson even write this fucking fuck up grandson is just like i have to write something otherwise i'm gonna get cut out of the estate okay he literally said it has

no point it is neither allegorical nor topical i cordially dislike allegory in all its manifestations and have done so since i grew old and wary enough to detect its presence i much prefer history true I truly, this is like crazy. He literally says, I don't even like allegory. Like, I'm not interested in it. So like, for everyone out there going like, but it actually is World War I, you know like he said no yeah whatever you say bombadil okay okay you love allegory this is so funny even in the biopic they tried to really show the war as being the inspiration for the stories and like that's not even true he said no no. And I mean, even if you are,

so if you're an artist, like, of course you're going to be influenced by your experiences and that's going to be in your work in some way, like whether it's conscious or not. But like, if you're saying that's not the point and I didn't really intend that, it doesn't matter if it's there.

Like the bond forged by like the bond of brotherhood forged by war. That's any war. That's not necessarily World War I. Right. That could have been literally anything. Just battle or something, you know? Yes. And just because he did go to war doesn't mean that that was the whole point of all of it.

It's like, it's all made up. There's a wizard. Just let the guy write a fantasy story. Yeah. There's a wizard. He's escaping. Come on. a fantasy story yeah he's a wizard he's escaping maybe it's because adults are like the story about wizards and elves has to mean more than just a story about wizards and elves that i like yeah

because otherwise i like wizards and i really shouldn't just be a guy that likes wizards right i like wizards and reality the war yeah that's that is weird really i like submarines okay but there are eagles in this story that's so funny it's so funny that his grandchildren are spending their time like time like writing these pieces interpreting their grandfather's work especially when he was like it's not this like if anything the grandkids should just be like actually my grandfather said it's not so and that's my job like that'd be my job is should just be like actually my grandfather said it's not so and that's my job like that'd be my job is just like telling you guys what he said but then if they didn't do this people might expect other things from them like where's your book and it's

like oh i don't have one but i do have this theory about grandpa you know but i did yeah i read the uh the cimmerillion manuscript actually actually, and now I know. It would be so nice, though, to be his grandkid and just be able to go, no, he said it wasn't that. And then, like, I don't have to spend my life talking about that. I just know that it's not that. And the end, I can do, you know, whatever else. It's not an allegory. I'm going to go. I'm going water skiing now.

I'm so rich. I wonder how much money that estate has. Oh, my God. They must be so rich, right? So much money. They have to much money that estate has. Oh my God. They must be so rich, right? So much money. They have to have so much money. Oh my God. That would be so interesting to be rich in that way from like your grandparent writing

a series. Yeah. I'm going to try to marry a Tolkien. I have to. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if there's any young Tolkien's to marry. Are there any eligible Tolkien?

Young Tolkien's. How about the fact that Harry and Meghan now have podcasts? Wait, what? Oh my god, yes. Really? Royalty doing podcasts. What network is it on? They make their own

I think. This shouldn't be allowed. Podcasts aren't for royalty or for the very rich and famous. If they do a goddamn Helix ad, I'm going to be pissed. This is what I'm saying. Actually, Paul Russ tweeted a really funny joke like, I'm a princess and I couldn't feel the pee under my cast for a minute.

That's very funny. So good. I just can't believe it. But then Matt Rogers tweeted today. I don't know if their podcast came out already or if this was a joke but he said they're very charming together we can all just hang it up and go home this yeah that's what i mean like stop it we don't if you have let me live in buckingham palace like i'll trade they can i i fucking host five podcasts they could do two of them and i'll be a prince this should be a movie it's like the podcast switch and you're like the podcast prince and you trade places with

harry and he hosts everything on head gum and you go and live in buckingham palace and have like a whole life with the queen i'll give him my fucking slack login he can go on he can do everything isn't that like kind of minus the podcast that vanessa hudgens christmas movie the princess witch yeah oh yeah i have to watch the second one i have plans to watch i haven't watched the second one either i gotta do it yeah it's it's time though it's almost christmas so now it's the perfect time to do it i feel like december has been very long i agree Right? But this year was one minute. Yeah. It was so wild because like March was very long.

December's been pretty long, but the year has been short. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I feel like I blinked and it's almost over, but it's lasting forever at the same time. I don't know how it's possible. Yeah. Time's weird. It's really horrible, I think. how it's possible.

Yeah. Time's weird. Really horrible. I think. Well, on a positive note, we're at the end. Jake, do you have anything you'd like to plug?

You know, you could go to head gum.com Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's new podcast network. There's, there's a bunch of podcasts on there. I'm not on most of them. So if you liked me, you could find me.

And if you didn't, there's other ones where I'm not on so you can do that nice more should we do oh why plugs yes um i have my patreon patreon.com slash lauren lapkus i'm doing improv and watch alongs to movies and all sorts of things on there and um also i think that's it. Oh, I have three down my podcast with Scott Aukerman and Paul Tompkins, where we talk about stories from our lives and we play a game at the end of every episode. And it's a different game every time. And you can submit a game for us to play. And that's free wherever you get your podcast. Okay.

What do I want to plug? Wipeout coming to TBS sometime in 2021 um also I have a Patreon where me and Marcy Jarrow talk about 90 Day Fiance it is the funniest show on television oh my god the new season oh my god it's the new season is so bananas I love it so much the family family Chantel just had their season finale. It was incredible. It was beautiful. I loved it.

Also, my other podcast, Why Won't You Date Me? Best Friends. Drag Her. Too many. I talk too much. So many podcasts. We all can't stop. I think this is a group of people who need to have at least 10 podcasts at once or we go crazy.

Or I die. Yeah. Okay, great. Well, the Battle of the Five Stars segment is the segment where we read your five-star reviews. You can leave a review on your favorite podcast platform for a chance to have it read on air. You can write your own fan fiction. You can make your own D&D character you can make your own dnd character and tell us about it who cares um but this is this this review is titled i'd not care what they

talk about um i think it was supposed to be i don't care by ldba24 i'm like i'd not care what they talk about just speed through your review write it really fast we'll read it with typos it says i will listen to lauren and n Lauren and Nicole discuss traditional Roth IRAs and tax law. It does not matter. I love them. I love them so, so much. Well, thank you. It's a great idea for season three, actually.

Thank you. We just did 20 episodes on taxes. IRAs are very important. And nobody tells you about, you know, like a traditional Roth IRA and just an IRA. It's supposed to equal out. One takes your taxes out before you put it in. One takes it after you've put it in when you take the money out. And nobody explains you need both of them to, you know, cancel out the taxes.

Genuinely did not know this. Remember when I had that lady come to my house and she taught us about money? I had like a bunch of women over and we learned about how to do like IRAs and stuff. And I think I cried. It was really emotional. about money i had like a bunch of yes over and we learned about how to do like iras and stuff and i think i cried um it was really emotional it's really emotional it's like very private because nobody tells us how to do it especially women but it was really cool nice if i think if you're out there and you're like i don't get how this works like really look into that because i'm sure there are there's probably youtube channels of people explaining this shit and it made it feel so much more approachable and i felt way less scared um

and it's so important to know how to like what your money's doing and what's going on and it's just such a weird mystery it is so that's my lesson for the end of the year while you go into the new year and you want to start fresh with something is there anything you guys are trying to work on in this uh new year's or is it kind of just like fuck it let's just get done with this i think the thing i'm gonna try to work on is not stretching myself too thin and that like because like with my ankle i feel like i'm lying to people when i'm like i'm sorry i'm too tired i don't think i can do that because it it takes a lot to like yeah or cobble around and then like record a podcast or whatever uh so i'm trying to be like you're not lying when you're like i'm tired it's okay to be tired and

have that or just not give someone a reason just like i cannot do that are you on the knee scooter do they give you the scooter? I bought a scooter. So I'm on crutches and a little scoot scoot. But I need to get like a cushion for it because it's hurting my knee at this point. Yeah, I did. I like put a blanket over my knee scooter when I had one. How long were you not walking? It was, I think, six or seven weeks maybe.

Oh, okay. But I timed mine really bad. I had a knee scooter in London and Iceland. Like it couldn't have gone worse for me. It was so dumb. Yeah. Oh boy. This, I mean, this is great timing for me.

It's the holidays. Nothing's really happening. Yeah. So hopefully I'll be all healed up. Lauren, don't fall down. I really don't want to fall down. I really don't want to fall down. I really don't want to. Don't do it.

It's not fun. I think that's the main goal for this period. The year's resolution, don't fall down. My goal is to not breathe near anyone, touch anything outside of my home, and still have fun, you know. I think my goal, I think you're right i like really like your thing of not stretching yourself too thin i have a tendency to do that too and like i'm just and it's always like wait why like it never feels like you never understand why it's happening when

it's happening um and um my goal i think um honestly can't even, I don't even know if I can see things that way right now. I'm not depressed. I'm actually fine. I totally feel you. It's weird to be like, to look ahead and be like, well, is it going to be any different in a couple months? But I did buy a planner and I can't wait to write my goals in it. So I got this planner and they sent me the wrong one. They sent me this woman, Jennifer Long's planner. So it had

flowers and it said Jennifer Long. Like a person personalized it? Yes. And mine is personalized that says I love dick big and small and a picture of Patrick Swayze on the back. Oh my god. They sent that to somebody else and I'm dying. That's the

funniest. And then I thought about it and I was like. You got such a like perfectly fine mistake they got a leopard print I'll show it to you it's like purple leopard print it says I love dick big and small

and then Patrick Swayze's on the back I love that planner thank you it's very big I like that spiral and paper not hard I'm very excited to open it up it, write my hopes and dreams in it. I think that's great. I usually make like a vision board and I, it just feels like maybe I should, maybe that

would be a, maybe that would make me feel something good. Yeah. Make a vision board. I think that might be good. Yeah. I think we just like, I know me personally, I like need to do some things to like make me feel like life is okay. Yeah. Cause like I usually do that like every year and like,

it's a fun thing. And like, it didn't even cross my mind, but it's partly cause I can't even wrap my head around the fact that it's December. Like I feel confused about time and I'm like, I'm just not doing all my typical things. Like where I'm like,

I gotta write my resolutions, make my plans, you know. Jake, do you have any goals? Oh man. No, I think, I know I'm, you know, I'm not depressed either, but I think that I'm being okay. I definitely, I've always had like this instinct

to like try to see the silver lining or like get through and like, what's the positive spin on this. Yeah. How is this thing that sucks actually good for me. And I think I'm just like trying to like have be a little more even keel and just be like it's OK if you like wake up and you like don't feel like doing anything doing anything. Yeah. Or low energy today. You don't need to fight through it and break through it every single time.

Sometimes you could just be like, today's a little bit of a wash. I'm going to take it easy and we'll see what tomorrow's like. So I think I'm going to try to just slow down. That's it. I like it.

We're all just trying to be like easier on ourselves. This is great. I'm excited for us. That's good. That's a good thing. Yeah, I think a lot of times my goals are really like,

do more, be more active do it talk more talk to everyone it's like maybe cool to not yeah it's true i'm gonna be like my goals are gonna be like put everything off till august that'll be the plan we'll just see you then as long as you know i'll i'll wait till the vaccine's like really heavily um spread out and then i feel like that's when i'll really start caring about you know, I'll wait till the vaccines like really heavily spread out. And then I feel like that's when I'll really start caring about, you know, working a lot. I agree. We got time. We got nothing but time.

We have so much fucking time. Well, we have time and we have two more episodes of Lord of the Rings newcomers. And we'll be back next week for our penultimate episode of the season. What could there possibly be left to experience in this franchise? Well, there's plenty more. We got, we got,

we got at least two hours worth. Two hours worth of more content. And we'll, we'll see you then everyone and hope you're doing well and make your goals to do less. Yes. Okay. Toodle-oo. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye. Toodle-oo! Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye! That was a Hiddem Original.