Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Hobbs & Shaw (w/ Michael Cruz Kayne)

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

Michael Cruz Kayne (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert) joins Nicole and Gabrus to discuss the ninth film in the Fast & Furious Franchise—Hobbs & Shaw (2019). Check out Michael's podcast A Good Cry, premiering September 30th, and follow him on Twitter and Instagram. Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts and let us know what franchise they should check out next. Advertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. I'm dealing with the future of the planet. I'm the necessary shock to the system. I am human evolutionary change. Bulletproof. Superhuman. Who the hell are you? Bad guy.

The mission has been compromised. We need help. Our target's name is Brixton. He's a ghost. We're gonna need the best trackers in the business. Luke Hobbs. I'm what you call a nice cold can of whoop-ass. Career lawman.

Always gets his guy. We're going to need to operate outside the system. Deckard Shaw. I'm what you might call a champagne problem. Rogue former MI6 agent. Doesn't play well with others. If we stand a chance against Brixton, you guys have to work together.

No way. This guy's a real ass. I can't be there. I can't be there. I can't be prepared I can't be prepared I can't be prepared This job requires stealth I can't be prepared Look at you

I'm trying to save the world which for the record will be my fourth time Cause I'm really good at it. You have no idea what we're dealing with. Hobbs and Shaw. You know what a war... You've got one. Three shocks will kill a man.

There we go. It's a bad guy speech. You had to open your big mouth didn't ya? Yeah, I thought it was a cool thing to say at the moment. Thank you. Ooh, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. It's a new episode of New Covers. Okay, so Gabrus is here because Lapkus is dealing with an issue. An issue. I guess I shouldn't call it an issue. Call them an issue.

It's a side project. She's working on it. She'll have it for 18 years. At least. Maybe she'll give her away earlier. That's what it is. You give them away. Gaber's has seen the movies. I've seen some. This is the ninth episode of the fourth season. We're working our way seen the movies. I've seen some.

This is the ninth episode of the fourth season. We're working our way through the Fast and the Furious franchise. It's 10 episodes. We're at nine. We're doing Hobbs and Shaw today. Hobbs and Shaw came out in 2019, but yet it feels so fucking dated. So Hobbs and Shaw is available for a fee on Amazon, Apple TV, Google Play, and Vudu. There's going to be spoilers.

Come on. So, if you don't want spoilers, you got to watch the movie. Gabrus, real quick, what did you think about the movie? I was let down by it when I saw it in theaters, and I was let down by it even more this time around, having to rewatch it. I was like, maybe there's something enjoyable about it. And I found that there wasn't. By the way, Nicolele you are frozen in such a jedi way on the zoom it's so funny i do look like i thought i look like a little ewok yeah yes you do have oh um i'm how did you feel about hobson shaw this is one of the few that you originally saw yes

I saw it in theaters I fucking loved it when I saw it in theaters but then I got to experience uh the the franchise from four five six seven and I was like these are infinitely better than Hobbs and Shaw I mean Hobbs and Shaw Shaw had just like Kevin Hart's in it, Ryan Reynolds for whatever reasons in it. All the like kind of like, oh, these guys are in too many movies, like The Rock included. Like it's just too many people that are in too many things. Yes.

And you're just like, oh, I'm tired of all these people. And they're all just doing like the Apatow stand-in riff, you know, where I'm like, I don't need this i want to see actually i will say this when i saw this in the theaters i unpacked this with my friend griffin on high and mighty and this reason this movie doesn't feel that strong is because it doesn't have family in it there is no fucking family you are right and then the car chases they save it towards the end. It's the absolute end of the movie. And I was like,

no, I want my Fast and Furious. Fast and Furious is presenting a movie. I want my car chase up front. I want a car chase in the middle. That's how I want my act breaks. I want a car chase to punctuate the acts. Anyway,

we, we got to introduce our guest. Ooh, baby. Michael Caine. Wait, do you go by Michael Cruz Caine now? our guest. Ooh, baby. Michael Caine. Wait, do you go by Michael Cruz Caine now? I do. Nowadays, that Cruz is part of it.

I'm sorry. I stumbled. Well, no, that's okay. Eventually, his profile is growing to the point where he has to differentiate between the legendary British star of stage and screen, Michael Caine. Yeah, you're not Michael Caine. You're Michael Cruz Caine. You guys get it. Applying that accent to Michael Cruz Caine. You're not

Michael Caine. You're Michael Cruz Caine. That's how you talk. It's really funny. Well, I'm going to give you credits. You're a writer. You're a comedian. You currently write for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. You also host the upcoming HitGum podcast, A Good Cry, which premieres on September 30th.

Welcome, Michael Cruz Kane. I can't wait to get. I'm out of my mind today. I'd like to introduce. The whole show is just you talking in insane voices. I'm here for it. If we're doing morning Zoo Crew episode of Newcomers, I'm here for it.

Michael Cruz-Cain, welcome to both the HeadGum family and the Fast family. Yep. A.K.A. Mi Familia! Mi Familia in Brazil! Brazil! I just woke my wife up. She's still asleep, and I'm screaming Brazil in Brazil. Brazil. I just woke my wife up. She's still asleep and I'm screaming Brazil in the other room.

I have never seen any Fast and Furious movie, by the way. Oh, wow. That's awesome. When you talk about, when you say that there's no family, that's like a term used because there is family in the movie Hobbs and Shaw. In the literal last movie the bad guy at one point is like what's important to you Vin he's like family

she's like stop saying family and it was really funny yeah Charlize Theron's like stop saying family you have to answer this question with a word different than fam Mike you point out something there is family in this

they jason statham and uh vanessa kirby are brother and sister but in flashbacks they're three years apart in the current time they're 21 years age difference you are absolutely right how when they're like oh a little bit yo mick jagger and they cut back and it's like aren't you 29 years older than her yeah also whoever her makeup artist was didn't like her because they never gave her chapstick like her lips are chapped for half the movie and i was like i know she's not in like full makeup but like we could moisturize her fucking lips she's absolutely beautiful i'm i'm in love with her she i loved her in mission impossible i didn't really know her as an actor outside of mission possible and then i was so stoked for her to be in this but the second she

the rock tries to sell some chemistry with her i'm like get me out of this movie i never wanted to i felt like the way when a sex scene happens when you're watching TV with your family. You know what I mean? The second thing, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Fast forward, fast forward. It is gross. Like when she straddles him towards the end, I was like, yuck. And then she kind of smiles and I was like, that was so forced.

You didn't want to smile. You hated that too. We all hated it. Yeah, it seems like both of them were like this. We are repulsed by each other. Yeah. I think it's because they're both gorgeous humans, but neither of them really exudes

sexual energy. Statham, I think, does exude some sexual energy. I think so. At least I'm picking up on some vibes. All right. Also, did you notice at the end of the movie, Jason statham was talking out of the side of his mouth the biggest jaw got broken by i don't know but i guess he was like oh i'm driving they need to hear me so instead of turning my head because i'm driving i'm gonna move my mouth it was a very

weird choice for audio that's what I feel like, maybe. I don't want to do any of that. Jason, please, you owe me big time, brother. Oi, bruv, please turn towards the boom mic, would you love? I wasn't sure if you were talking about at the end of the movie proper or in one of the 58 credit scenes. The audacity to do another scene in these credits. The courage that it took to be there. Let's get these guys back riffing.

They don't have to be there on the same day. We'll just shoot them in the diner saying, he's Ryan Reynolds. We got him for four hours. We'll make him entire. We got him for four hours. That's truly what it seemed like. Four hours, two locations.

I thought Ryan Reynolds was great in this movie. I thought he was great. Did you? I did. I haven't seen the movies I don't know who that character is I don't know who that character is either Oh that's not a character? No he appears out of nowhere

Kevin Hart appears out of nowhere Rob Delaney appears out of nowhere And you're like oh I guess The fact that Ryan Reynolds is not a character From any of the other movies is insane to me I was positive that was I was positive he was from the but they definitely set it up for him to come back

in Hobbs and Shaw too no that's crazy I think the craziest thing set up in this movie which might not even register for and be important at all for Michael is that the bad guy seems to be like the voice they seem to be

attaching that to something larger in the past franchise but i also feel like they might be avoiding it complete like they might have been like what were we thinking and trying so i'm curious if they try to drop that but they tease something to the effect of like hobbs and shaw like uh like that bad guy's voice yeah uh knows more and is going to do something big. Because that bad guy's voice was like, we've met before, Hobbs. And when we meet again, ooh, baby, it's going to be delicious. And then, I mean, do you think they're going to tie it back to the Fast and the Furious? Like maybe this person is the one who works for Cypher or Cypher works for them?

Not to put Michael on the spot, but can you just guess an actor whose voice that was, even though it's modulated, even though you don't know any of the other movies? I'm just curious. So you two have already seen subsequent movies in which

that actor is identified? No, that actor is never identified yet. Nine has come out since this and it's not explained at all. And I don't know if 10 is going to stay. Oh, they don't explain this in Nine? This doesn't get connected back yet. So that's what I'm saying.

The whole movie has the vibe of, we'll just write this, and later on we'll do something. It'll be somebody. I want you to establish now your guess, just not knowing. Just pick an actor of stature that might be in this movie.

You know who I think it could be? Okay, I guess if I had to pick an actor that I could see it being like Steve Buscemi. Yes! Okay, that is canon in newcomers. Steve Buscemi is the voice of the... Wait, who is the voice? We don't know. I don't think they would credit it.

They didn't credit it? My guess is that it's Mr. Nobody. It's Kurt Russell's character, and he's flipping to bad eventually. Oh, no. You think? I don't know. It's the only other character who sort of lives at that tier. Never heard of that person.

Don't know what that is. Exactly. That's what I'm saying is that Steve Buscemi is as good of a guess as I've seen these movies dozens of times. And your guess has as much weight as mine that's that was my whole thesis there's just so many things in the movie that it feels like they were like okay oh we should we're shooting that scene today what was the name of the thing the bad thing who knows yeah it's so arbor it's like it's not the god's eye it's not the those are the ones it's got to be in the notes they gave us but i yeah what's the name of what

snowflake it's snowflake it's called snowflake yeah the super virus oh my god no i wanted the name of the bad guy oh uh i don't think they give the name of the bad the bad guy it's like etean or whatever his name of the company oh i mean how confusing i think they just call it the director or whatever right oh yes yeah yeah yeah you're right i was trying to look on imdb because i was like i don't think we have it on the character sheet yeah i guess we're never gonna know who the fuck the voice is oh the a ethion i could also see it being a thing just just based on like again the care that cd put into this movie i could see it being a thing that never comes back here's the care that was put into

this movie dude you're calling like the the modulation of it all is like we'll just rich we'll retcon this to be whoever the fuck we want anybody in the lineage of in the narrative of the other movies people have been retconned alive and dead and like change like backstories have changed like all just whatever serves the great and i'm okay with it because it serves the greater art piece that is the fast saga uh so it does make sense for this movie to be like yeah we'll just modulate the voice and we can make it whoever we need it to be like in episode 10 we in in the 10th movie we could just be like and of course i was the director's voice as well oh you're huge and it gives you like that mcu level boner of like that's from the guy from the other movie yeah i can also see it being like angela bassett i think

they go all the way honestly i want that want that. That's what I want now. I want Angela Bassett to be part of the Fast and the Furious franchise, and I want her to have a fight with Helen Miriam. Oh, yeah. That sounds good. So hot. I was just about to say, I think you're pitching stuff that I was dreaming about in the last decade.

And I don't think you want to know how these dreams end. They end a little wet. They end a little wet. They start a little wet. And we're back with the Zoo Crew talking newcomers, Fast and Furious. And let's hit up the Toretto Gazetto. So Vin Diesel hints at a title for the Fast and Furious 10, adding to the franchise's unconventional names. At a Formula One race in Italy, Diesel teased the title for the next installment on Instagram.

It's a Diesel Teasel. It's a Diesel Teasel, and it's rumored to just be FX. That is a network, Vin Diesel. You cannot call your movie FX. Vin Diesel can do whatever the fuck he wants. I guess he can. Nothing is off the table. The clip shows Diesel in a Fast

and Furious tank top with the Toretto and O'Connor names on it under the word brotherhood. Dude, he's getting special merch made for a fake garage from inside the movie that he's created. I love it so much.

I don't know who is Toretto and what is O'Connor. Those names mean nothing. Okay, Vin Diesel is Dom Toretto. Oh, my God. Paul Walker is slash was Brian O'Connor. Brian O'Connor, yes. So do they just make somebody else the Paul Walker role? Or is he in the Fast and Furious universe he has also done?

No. No. This is a highlight. He's alive. He's still alive. But they've never shown him. But they reference him. They're like, no, we told.

Like in the eighth movie, they go, no, we said that we'd let Brian and Mia have their time apart from the crew. And then in nine, I'm not going gonna spoil it for nicole because i want her to enjoy it but they reference that he's still living his life how wild they didn't kill him off camera they he just exists and they killed people who are still living off in the movies yeah and they brought people back to life who are still who are dead yes multiple times multiple times Dead? Yes. Multiple times. Multiple times. Letty, who's Vin Diesel's wife, she dies, but Vin or Dom imagines it in his brain, so it's not like concrete, and then she comes back in the next movie.

Or they spend a movie without her, and then she comes back with Amnesia. No, she's dead for two full movies. She comes back for the big successful one somehow. Who plays the wife? Michelle Rodriguez. Okay, that checks out. So you're not complaining about having more Michelle

Rodriguez in your movie. I can see Michelle Rodriguez being fast and being furious. She's both, baby. But to finish the Toretto Gazetto, he captioned the video, The Race, big things coming, hashtag FX. The film is scheduled to

release in theaters on April 7 7 2023 wow we gotta wait no that's so far off so far away it'll be directed by justin lynn okay he's returning to the franchise that's good news um tyrese michelle rodriguez and ludacris are going to come back i kind of want uh wonder woman to come back and i want han to come back she's in this too she was in everybody's in this she dies and she dies in six we are the only three people in the world who have not been in the franchise but we don't know if she dies because we don't actually see her die she she literally died she literally dies in a way like that like we've discussed where it's open for interpretation.

Like, I rolled away from the crash at the runway, and then I was... Wait till you see... They retcon Han's death again, Byers, so you're going to be really excited after you watch nine. Oh, I can't wait! They adjust what actually happened one last time and finally have the story right. You'll see. What a dream.

What a dream. What a dream. So, Michael, to catch you up, Han is, he's introduced in the third movie, Fast and the Furious, Tokyo Drift, the least successful movie of the franchise, but one of the most beloved characters comes out of that movie. Wait, who is, but who's Han?

What is that? Did you tell me about it? Han is, like, for lack of a better term, he's the Asian guy in the crew. Yeah. Fantastic. But very, he's so charismatic and he's an actor named sung kang he's the guy from uh uh the tomorrow whatever that uh

the tomorrow the justin lynn's first movie also sung kang's big first movie he's so good but he dies in that movie but then they like him so much they bring him back for the next movie and they just keep being like you going to tokyo yet and he's like not yet he does that for four movies they make five six and seven uh chronologically actually take place before three so that they can have han in them uh-huh so then han is technically not dead because the movie's now take and then they do moments like i thought we were heading to tokyo the location in which he would eventually die and he goes not yet it's like at the end of the movie it's like we got one more movie let's do it do you think it's like them sitting in a sitting in a room with like you know a bunch of yarn tying together all these things

trying to build the story or is it just somebody being like ah fuck it no i truly because they find i think they just re-watched the movie before and then fill plot holes with new story. Yeah. They're like, how did we get from there? It's like, well, let's invent something in the next movie that retroactively explains that. I mean, in this movie, they're like, so Snowflake was bad. This one's even worse. And I was like, okay, so you're setting up for the next movie.

They're going to have to get another virus. Here's some more fun scope for someone who hasn't watched any of the movies. In the first movie, they're stealing DVD players out of a truck. And in this movie, they're stopping a virus that nukes your insides. And The Rock says it no less than four times. We're saving the world. I know. It's so annoying.

Is this scripted or are you just saying this, dude? The dialogue in the movie is incredible. Boy, oh boy. It's every scene you're like, wow. Before we talk about the dialogue, I'm going to need a break. If you're wondering what a NordVPN is, I'll tell you. VPN stands for Virtual Private Network,

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N-O-R-D VPN dot com slash newcomers. It's risk-free with Nord's 30-day money-back guarantee link is in the episode description okay now we're back from the break let's get into the dialogue a little bit here okay but first hobson shaw written by chris morgan and drew pierce directed by david leach. It was released August 2nd, 2019. I cannot believe that it was released a year before the pandemic. Like, it seems like such an old movie. It is dated. It feels instantly dated for some reason.

I mean, to me, what it felt like was infinite action scenes. Like, I couldn't believe that another one was happening. Just as I was like I was just an onslaught of action. And I was like, I just need one second to just... I could have used more. I'm not acclimated to Fast and the Furious.

Maybe Fast and the Furious is more action. I'm used to like you know two people talking for a minute. Two people talking for a minute. I got news for you. There is probably as much action in this movie as the other ones, but it's just not as good or as rich. And it is too small. I believe it's too focused on two people rather than like all the big plot missions that the other movies are involved in. But at the same time,

like I would also counter argue. I think Michael, if you had more of Jason Statham in the rock talking, you'd like this movie even less. I think you're like, that's like, it's like a catch 22. It's like the action is kind of boring.

It's like, we'll ramp up the dialogue. It's like, really more like lightly homophobic, like lightly. It's like, well, ramp up the dialogue. It's like, really? More like lightly homophobic, like lightly, like, I wasn't, at least I never played Dungeons and Dragons. You know, they're just like, it's like the hackest

like high school bullshit. It is wild. The scene where he's, the rock is interviewing Vanessa Kirby and he's like, do you like to tango? And you're like, what is this?

What stretch of a metaphor is this about? There seem so many things like that where it's like, here comes an analogy that I have to imagine every viewer is like, where are you going?

Where are you taking me? That's when he was like, he quoted some, I don't know, Nietzsche. And he was like, I'm flexing this and this. And then flexed his arm. I was like i'm flexing this and this and then flexed

his arm i was like ew it's like we have to set up the vanessa kirby would be remotely attracted to this giant hairless comic book character uh he's so like it's so fun they're like he he looks so not human in a way that makes him a good action movie star but does it like like arnold schwarzenegger arnold schwarzenegger i thought had a little more uh uh charm and acting ability than the rock yes but just like arnold it's like it never really made sense when women like swooned over his body it's like that's not what people like it's like that's a weird body like a lot of people like the actual he looks like the actual Hulk he looks like the real honest to God Hulk. Like, somebody already Hulk'd into this.

I'm going to kick you so hard in the teeth, you're going to be shitting shoelaces, bitch. Like, everything is like all those weird, kitschy dad things. It is weird. I'm like, oh, I hope your mother likes hospital food, because I'm going to knock your little teeth out. You know, it's like, it's all wrestling promo shit. And then him and Statham going back and forth, mother likes hospital food because I'm going to knock your little teeth out.

It's all wrestling promo shit. And then him and Statham going back and forth reeks of like Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd riffing in an Epitope movie. But those guys are very, very funny and charismatic. And it's kind of hack when they do it. And you're like, but I like it because it's them to when ryan reynolds and uh and the rock are going back and forth in the diner you're like oh reynolds is bringing something to this that they're not going to have when they go to the other scenes yes yes you are absolutely correct okay so let's get into this plot summary so in london hattie shaw and her team of MI6 agents, which I'm like, what? Attempt to revive or retrieve a super virus called Snowflake from a terrorist organization, Eton. Is that what it's called?

Etion. Etion. Yeah. So Brixen Lord. All of these names are nuts. I mean, Hattie Shaw, Brixen Lord, Deckard Shaw. I couldn't believe they killed Shaw's brother when he was like, you killed my brother. I was like, why?

I didn't know the brother was dead. He died off camera, like in between movies. That feels awful. I was like, why is this Shaw getting the short end of the stick? He came first. Shaw's brother is the bad guy in six. Shaw himself is the bad guy in seven.

Turns to good in eight. Stars in Hobbs and Shaw. And then they just kill his brother who started the whole thing. Yeah, and also in eight, redeems himself by helping rescue Vin Diesel's son from the Sky office. I love children. I thought for sure that the Rock's daughter was going to be more involved in this movie. They were very much setting up the idea that they were going to ransom her or something.

I think they were just trying to like, I don't know, insincerely bring family to it without saying the word family. And I was like, you gotta say family. They tried to with all the stuff when he went home to Samoa. I also really liked only the rock saying the name of that place correctly i thought that was a nice a nice touch yeah i i gotta say

for well we'll get to the plot summary but i do like all the stuff that features like the haka and fucking jacked guy jacked guys with clubs yeah i loved that heads. I loved that. All of them were so hot. And I was like, I like this. It was, I don't know, a lot of cultural stuff that people aren't used to. And I thought it was really cool that it was in a mainstream movie. And remember the haka is what he does with the soccer team in the previous one. So seeing him do it with the real, actual badass warriors was a whole other level. It's very cool.

I think they shot that in Hawaii, though. Probably. I feel like they should i think i read when i was watching this on amazon prime they have you know a little like when you tap x-ray it was like yeah x-ray that's what it's called and i think i read in one of those things or somewhere that the rock like wanted to hire samoan like it gave them an excuse to hire a bunch of Samoan actors to be in the movie which I thought was very yeah that I love um also if you watch 90 Day Fiance there's a couple where one of them's from Samoa uh Kalani and Asuelu and Asuelu's mom is exactly like the lady who played the rock's mom it is kind of wild oh that's awesome I was like so are all Samoan moms like this this is nuts uh that scene also we'll get back to like this this is nuts uh that scene also we'll get back to the beginning of the plot but that scene also features one of Gabrus's favorite

movie uh tropes is when it's like all right we're able to shut down their guns which means we're only hand-to-hand combat for the next six minutes of the movie it's like the perfect setup it's always like and don't worry no one in the building is a good guy you can kill whoever you want it gives you like that like childlike movie system where you're like nobody's guns work and it's like we could punch each other and use sticks and shit and it's like that rolls but i like how they set it up pretty early yeah vanessa kirby tried to shoot that gun he's like you need a code and then when they're like shut down their guns i was like yeah because you need a code just like three guys working on the biggest tech in the world in like

a in like a bamboo hut being like all right we fixed it all this should work on your arm and also jason statham finding out they're gonna have six minutes and there's not even a moment where he's like okay let me think about how that would work. He's like, got it. Perfect. That's the thing about these movies. Everybody knows exactly what they need to do. So, okay, we meet Brixton Lore, who's a ETHAN operative with a cyber implant that

gives him superhuman capabilities. He's a cyborg. Is that not a thing from the other movies? No, there's never been a cyborg. That is insane. The number of things you're telling me are unique to this movie is, I was positive that Idris Elba was in the other movies. Sure. This is my

first reveal. Yes. I gotta say, as you know, my Kinsey scale number is not fully all the way to one side. Idris Elba is an absolute fucking stud and the idea of him having a cybernetic suit

and just like I would be like oh brother. I mean watching him get zipped up and almost seeing some butt cleavage I was like ooh daddy mommy likes. He looks good in that super tight bodysuit. He looks so

fucking hot. That's just like an exquisite man body suit. He looks so fucking hot. That's just like an exquisite. Right? He's so pretty. Ooh, baby. The motorcycle he rides, which we see here. It's incredible. It's so cool.

It's like a toy. It's like his pet. I love it. It's a Triumph motorcycle because they had some product placement. And then he chases. Is this when they chased the McL placement. And then he chases. Is this when they had chased the McLaren? No, that's later.

There's some like real nice product placement in a way that I'm like, nobody watching this movie can afford a McLaren. Why did we get a close up on the name of this car? No one can go out and buy that. Use promo code. Promo code. I'll get you five percent off a McLaren. So, OK, cast. Bri podcast brixton lore fucking comes and he arrives and kills all the agents except for hattie hattie for whatever reason injects the only dose of snowflake right up into her and then she escapes and then brixton frames her for killing her team and stealing the snowflake couldn't she have just taken it

couldn't there's like a thing couldn't she have just taken it? Couldn't there's like a thing. Couldn't she have just like slipped it in her pocket and been like, we out. Um, that's logic. And that's not what these movies are about. Thank you. Goodbye.

I wasn't sure if I had missed a, missed a plot point where it's like the only way that this can travel is inside of my body. No, it's easier if you have a character that we're seeing for the first time in the movie, become infected by it so that there's quote unquote stakes because you are worried about. You're worried about this person.

I can't imagine you now know for 90 seconds. Who's being chased by a cyborg man who also no one has ever seen. Who also no one has ever seen, but he is Idris Elba, so you're okay with whatever. I was positive that if you saw that in theaters, Idris Elba would walk on screen and everyone would be like, oh, that guy from the other movie. But he's not in the other movie. No, he's not at all. That is incredible. I also like low key.

It's kind of dumb, but I like where he keeps his pistol on his outfit, like up by his shoulder. It's like here? Yeah. It's kind of weirdly badass. It is easier than like down and up. It's just a crossing out. I think it works. When we do the live episode of Newcomers for Fast 10 in 2023 or whatever,

we'll have holstered guns on stage with us. Perfect. And we'll just shoot each other and drive cars right into Largo. So you put double reinforced steel. It's not a street fight fight there'll be three new people hosting a podcast that no one has ever heard right so oh wait shortly after the comp they wait we see cypher in this movie no we don't no this this uh synopsis is wrong so shortly after the confrontation with cypher oh wait oh i guess we were picking up where the eighth movie left off yes okay so

okay so after cypher in the eighth movie hobbs and shaw are both informed of the missing virus and they're recruited to work together and tracking it down which is like what why why is jason statham ever thought of to help America when he's a terrorist himself? Well, in seven, they try to be like, you're the two best people at hunting Dom ever. So now it's like Hobbs and Shaw. They're just like buddies again. And then this is what bothers me about the movie is like either just make them buddies from the get go or make them enemies. The whole like they kind of got over each other in the last movie.

So it feels weird to reset to like, oh, I was at the school magazine or whatever. You know, like all the dumb beefs that they bounce right back to. For some reason, it's so wild. So, OK, after meeting at a CIA site, Decker goes to Hattie's apartment for information. He's then attacked by Eton operatives, and then Hobbs finds Hattie, brings her to the CIA office. Shaw arrives and tells Hobbs that Hattie's his sister. And then, for whatever reason, Hattie beats up some poor extra

or a man who had to audition to make faces. I think the Rock versus Hattie's fight is kind of cool. She kind of, like, whoops his ass with a motorcycle helmet and scissoring. Fun. She does it a lot. She's like, my pussy is a weapon. She like wraps her legs around him at that office. And I was like, well, yeah, he can't see anything.

It's like the Black Widow choreography that they do for Scar Jo in those movies. They give it a lot of like the leg locks and the flying do for scar joe in those movies they give it a lot of like the leg locks and the flying like run up the person wrap your legs around them drop the like it's all like acrobatic jujitsu stuff which is like i think in my opinion poor writing of like that's the only way this woman would be able to take down but i mean hobbs is is demonstrated him like ripping handcuffs off his arms. He should kill a woman if he hits her at full strength. He at one point just like lifts her up right into the sky.

And I was like, I mean, this can't be good for her. Yeah. But that's probably. I guess I don't want to skip too far ahead. But at one point, isn't he holding a helicopter? Yeah. Yes. He by himself holding a helicopter.

And a chain. He's got a chain. When that happened in theaters, I just went, hey, no. You can't do that. I cheered, but it was a ripoff of Captain America where Chris Evans does do it. And again, not to keep bringing my Kinsey scale into this, but when Chris Evans did it in whatever Captain America movie that was, I felt it. whatever Captain America movie that was, I felt it.

Ooh. When his bicep got turgid, I played along at home. I just, it felt like they were trying to make this a Marvel movie. Well, with the fucking giving Idris the crazy cyber suit, it really does, it felt like they couldn't heighten with cars because cars is the fast and furious thing.

So they made everyone like weirdly super in this, right? Like the running down the building and stuff, which I think we're about to come to in the CIA part. That's a pretty fun, long action sequence because it ends with the McLaren and all that stuff. But that's all like wild Marvel shit, leaping out of the building, soaring through the air.

It was like all trying to figure out ways to do that without breaking the laws of reality. But they did. But they do. And they have been since like fast five. I mean, I gotta say, the laws of reality are broken. When Brixton like blows up the fucking office and uh hobbs does a somersault to grab a gun i was like there is no way the rock can do a somersault yeah and if he did he would like

fucking smush the like it would be like he would leave like a crevice yeah there would be there would be like a it would start a tornado. A weather event. A crater would appear like a whirlwind all at the same time. Just flipping that big ass around. Right before Brixton walks in, Hattie finishes fighting with the rock. And she's like, I have to go. I'm sick or whatever. The virus is in me.

And she walks towards the window. And I was like, was she going to jump out the window? Where is she going? There's no door there. No idea what her plan is there's so many moments like that in the movie where you're like what why are we supposed to believe that she's doing and it just reinforces that idea of like well we have we have to get this done we have 10 more minutes to do this so let's say she's going that way and there feels like a lot especially with the hattie character there feels like a lot of moments where they're like all right and then hobs and shaw are over here and they're doing doing and it's like hey uh guys we need something

for hattie to do and like oh let her be sort of like a guy is holding a gun to her head and she's looking at a wire and it's like okay yeah we can cut back we can cut back to that like a dozen times to i mean that was very funny because i was like why wouldn't he just oh because she had the the virus but then i was like i don't know just scoop it out of her or whatever but anyway deckard recognizes brixton as an old colleague turned enemy in a very murky explanation. He shot him. He thought he killed him. And then he like flipped to be part of this terrorist organization. I mean, in all of this, this is where I can't believe Idris Elba is not in the other movies

because when this was happening, I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? What does any of this mean? I'm like, I'm sure people have seen the other movies. No, no, no. I have no idea where they were old colleagues I don't know who they were working for I wish I could convey how little Jason Statham has been in the movies

up until this point too he's only been in 7 and 8 and he's already got like backstory that's like woven in that we're supposed to give a fuck about it's so wild and then there's this pretty fun car chase with some Triumph motorcycles and then there's this pretty fun car chase with uh some triumph motorcycles and then this very cool mclaren that uh fucking jason statham has to pull himself out of every time he

gets out like really like work to get out of this little car now i want something that happened in this movie that i i meant to tell you to buyer which i think you would like statham's claim to fame like his first like big pop-off was in a bmw branded short film called the driver directed by guy richie and statham plays a dude who's like a good driver like a security driver and this was in like the early 2000s and before he became the transporter and all those other movies that he would later go on to do. And so him being added to the Fast and Furious franchise. And I now know how many listeners of this pod have not watched any of the movies, but like this podcast. So I want to convey. So Statham coming in is like a cool like we're bringing more drivers into the world.

Vin Diesel is a genius. He's not a fucking bad dude he's got no that's like so fucking smart yeah and then the only other thing about this movie that drives me crazy is that they offer up in the beginning that the answers are we extract it from hattie or we kill hattie those are the only two options yeah i'm like what about cutting her hand off? Yeah, because when you go inside her body, it's just bouncing around near where it was injected. It's not in her bloodstream completely saturated and that thing's going to pull it out.

No, cut her fucking hand off. That sucks, Hattie, that you have one hand. But it's either that or chase around the world a bunch of android soldiers and hope to use this surgery. Or maybe my Maori cousin can fix it. My Samoan cousin can fix it and we do this. It's like, Hattie, cut your fucking hand off, sweetheart. It sucks.

We get you a cute claw. I did love when she was like, I am the virus. That made me laugh really hard. And again, we do not know this woman from a fucking hole in the wall never it's like i'm ready to die for her it's like who cares we don't know her so after this like interesting fight i say interesting because it wasn't satisfying but it just all goes through a bus i kind of like that if i was like on a double decker bus and idris elba went right through it and then just like looked all mad i'd be like wow i love it here in england i'm gonna move here i'd be so happy string a bell

so then brixton frames all three as traitors which is a thing that can happen in the in the universe where all of a sudden they're plastered everywhere. And they're like, these are bad people. This is overused in action movies so much as like a guy who's seen them all mission impossible movies, fast and the furious movies. Cause they have to be like,

well, how do we explain that these guys who are legendary heroes have no help whatsoever from anyone. It's like, make them, make them enemies of this state. And it's like make them uh make them enemies of this state and it's like and what are we gonna do i will show like a random cnn screen grab and just say enemies of the state on them no explanation how we get this information out there why people

believe it or anything like that well we learned that that the voice can like penetrate well i guess we don't see that till later that he can like go through radio waves and computers and televisions. And the same graphics show up. It's not just the sound. Like all of a sudden the graphic design is the same forever. Yeah. The white room where Brixton is like, send them, send the news to CNN is so weird. And I'm like, who are these people typing away

is this a lab what is going on i thought he was saying that they were gonna hack that they're gonna hack the things oh i guess they control all the news media yeah like they just they hacked the brains of the anchors i didn't understand there's a really weird moment where they're like well we did the normal 40% of all news outlets. He's like, we need more. And it's like, how much access do you guys have? There's like, news is so bipartisan now that you can't get 60% of the news with the same story

because 10% of them will be like, it's a fucking hoax. That is funny. Fox News would run that story as like, it's a hoax. They're not is funny fox news would run that story as like it's a hoax they're not dangerous at all they're nice people these they're good people it's antifa that's actually stole the snowflake virus it's the deep state joe biden and dr jill have the virus it's like i don't know keeping it under a fucking pizza restaurant. That was honestly the wildest thing.

I think so. We should say for the sake of listeners, wildest thing so far. We are recording this three days before this episode drops. God knows what people can do in the meantime. Truly. People be wild. People be wild. So Deckard.

What a way to describe. I wish you had an MSNBC show by it. It was just you showing clips and going, people be wild. People be wild. I would watch it every week. I would become a news junkie if you had a show like that. I mean, that's what I did when I was watching the insurrection live in my living room. Can you believe that fucking happened?

I got to say, when it was going down, in hindsight, it was really scary. But when it was going down, I was like, I don't care this strongly about anything. Me either. I couldn't even imagine. They're like, your wife's in the Capitol building. I'd be like, all right, well, I'll wait till she comes out. I'll find her later. I couldn't even imagine what would make me.

There's not anything I like in the world enough to do what these people did on behalf of whatever belief system they're in. Can you imagine scaling the wall of a government building? I can't imagine scaling the wall of any building. I last night wanted a LaCroix and wouldn't go down my stairs. I'm going to scale a wall of a government bill. Yeah. Real. No,

I went to bed dehydrated. Okay. I feel like shit. I don't feel good at all. Okay. So Deckard Hobbs and Hattie tracked down the most adorable man, the most adorable man I've ever seen professor andreico who created snowflake he claims it was created to deliver vaccines oh my god maybe this is why nobody wants to get vaccinated

because they all saw fucking hobbs and shaw and they're like we're gonna get snowflake oh my god and they call liberal snowflakes this is why we have COVID Hobbes and fucking Shaw the fact that they call it snowflake and it's like no no no what were you doing my god okay so to deliver vaccines to prevent

Eton from using the super virus against humanity and then he explains how he must have the virus removed with a specialized extraction device in ethan's chernobyl facility it's only in ethan's chernobyl facility just imagine that listen to what that sentence says so so you're saying we need to sneak into the you know it's like oh and then i love everyone's like all right well that's the plan i mean it's so funny and then well before they find the professor they go to like shaw's lair where he's got like a bunch of cars and and vacuum sealed outfits in different sizes for different oh my god yeah wait i can't believe we almost forgot this he like sets the rock up to get

like uh his uh cavities searched at tsa or whatever and it's like also you guys are undercover because you're labeled as terrorists why how are you playing games you named him mike small my name is michael michael mike mike ox small oh yes mike small that's my god small yeah Michael? Mike Oxmall. Oh, yes, Mike Oxmall. That's what it is. Mike Oxmall, yeah. Boy, that made me laugh pretty hard. Also, the outfit they put him in, I was like, so clothes do not fit him in any capacity.

No. There's a reason he wears, it's not just because of his insane sponsorship deal with Under Armour. He literally can only wear, like, sweat-wicking shirts and shit. And vests with straps. He can only wear like the actual Batman suit. Yeah. Only clothes that fit him. I mean, it is fully wild.

So he gets detained, but then makes it on the plane because he's like, people like me. And I was like, I've been detained. People liked me. And it took three hours. I went to Canada and they were like, why are you here? And I was like, to do improv. And they're like, do you have a visa? And I was like, nobody gets paid to do improv.

And they're like, detained. Which honestly is right. That's what should happen. In Canada, they do get paid. People doing international travel for improv. Just be thankful. Be thankful. That's the first time anyone's ever asked a follow-up question about improv. Just be thankful. Be thankful. That's the first time anyone's ever asked a follow-up question about improv.

So frequently in life you're like, go ahead. People are like put a gun silently in their mouth. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry. I'm not saying you have to do improv or watch it. Don't worry. No, no. I'll go. I'll leave. I don't want to be here knowing that you're doing improv. Wait, so is this where they get on the plane and they have you want to fuck my sister talk my god when that man said she can climb this brown mountain i was like i mean when you say brown mountain that's like shit i also this is so insane it's like such an obnoxious wild behavior yes and i'm an obnoxious, wild behavior. And I'm an obnoxious, wild person who is very attracted to Vanessa Kirby.

And I went like, she's asleep. Don't talk about it. She's sleeping. She could probably hear you. Neither of you should be talking about this bullshit. I loved all of the extras in the background fading in and out of sleep, kind of leaning towards the camera. I was like, you see my face? Am I in it?

Am I in it? Can you imagine also being the person sitting next to the rock in Coach? Like the, how mad you would be? That lady who, he's like, I like your babushka. That's why she wasn't mad. She was like, oh, this giant nasty man complimented me. I want to climb that brown mountain, baby. Oh, yeah, him having sex with baby. He would annihilate her.

She'd be pulverized to dust. Well, that's all. You can't even picture it. Imagine him holding her and kissing her. You would think it would look like the end of King Kong. It would be like, put her down. Like he's going to climb a building with her or something. He's so massive and so muscular.

It's like, a building with her or something he's so massive and so muscular it's like let go of her also she she's not like childlike but she's visibly much younger than both of these guys she's very young i also okay this is gonna sound very mean and i hope vanessa doesn't ever hear this but i played a game when i was watching i was like is she pretty or is she blonde i couldn't figure it out. And then her makeup artist hated her because her winged eyeliner kept changing. And by the end of the movie, it was so big and so overdrawn that I was like, they hate her. They won't give her chapstick and they won't fix her eye makeup.

Someone, yeah, someone, they were like, it was probably The Rock being like, I'm the prettiest sumbitch in the game. they were like it was probably the rock being like i'm the prettiest sumbitch in the game and i'm like you know like you better make her look a little worse because i'm the best looking sumbitch this side of the brown mountain sumbitch i mean the scene where in the scene where is my allowed to talk about a scene that happens later in the movie when they yeah go ahead i was gonna say when they when they when they smooch later there's something weird like she has like beads of sweat running down her face or something like can somebody can we yeah can someone touch her up no her makeup artist retired midway through the movie and they left her on her own and she had to do it herself um real quick fucking kevin hart tucking and rolling out of that seat made me laugh really

hard um and then he's the air marshal uh and i was like what is going on and he's doing the whole improv thing back and forth and like don't talk like that talk like what don't talk like that and i was like oh with this movie you're making it longer this is a two hour 19 minute movie we do not need these riffs and it is kevin hart is an injection of life into this movie but then once once he's riffing with Statham and The Rock, you're like, okay, I just have one scene where Kevin Hart and Ryan Reynolds

talk to each other so that we can have some juice and then get the fuck out of this movie. I would have liked that very much. You can just see the script. That page just says like Kevin Hart and then underneath that parenthesis anything he wants to say,

which is what happened. Whatever he wants to say, we'll make it true in Hobbs and Shaw 2. I thoroughly enjoyed his second scene because they only had him for a day when he was in the bathroom. That made me laugh very hard. Oh, toilets always work on Uncle Gabrus. So, okay, they set out to infiltrate this facility and for whatever reason reason there's two doors

in a hallway a hallway of men and a hallway with one man working on this like weird tesla truck and they pick their hallways to go through this was like so weird to me they have like heat guns that sense people and then shaw's, this is your door. And The Rock's like, I don't know. I picked my door, sumbitch. Wait, did we talk about how, sorry to interrupt,

but did we talk about how Jason stayed them to get Hattie kidnapped by them and also get the gear? They go to that absolute smoke show brunette's house. Oh yeah, I fucking forgot about that. She walks up to him, just makes out with him and

then it's so wild and it's like what are they doing robbing this mansion and she's like and then when idris elba's it was truly was just a parade of hot people idris elba comes in he's talking about hot lady and he's like is she alone and she's like uh-huh he's like if she's not i'll rip out your heart and she's like if i had a heart for you to rip out i think you could do it but like you don't because i don't have a heart because i'm like a tough chick i'm tough tough tough and i gotta gaggle a tough bitch is behind me we're gonna prance around this mansion some more i was like who are these people michael we've never seen these people either that is it's crazy to me that that's not a character that's being called this is how the this is how the other movies are.

They're copying the formula of the other movie of like, I actually have a connection in this town, and that connection is a big cameo cast stunt or someone from the previous movies that you're like, oh, shit, or from the cold open or something. That's something the movies do. But this is a standalone trying to match those moments. And it's really funny because it's like,

it's like, and of course your favorite character, the chick with the gun. Like Mrs. M or something. So nuts. It made zero sense. Real quick, we have to take a break. break so now they're in this fucking choose your own adventure of men to kill and the rock gets one big man who's bigger than him but knocks him out real quick jason statham he gotta he gotta knock out eight of them

and then use one of their faces to open a door. But boy, oh boy, he just can't get it right. He didn't have the right one with access. He slams one, he slams two, he slams three, he slams four, he slams five, he slams six, he slams seven, he slams eight, he slams nine, he slams ten. I was like, what? We have to keep going.

Classic rule of eights in comedy. I will say I will say I enjoyed that part even though it made I was like this is insane to me that it's happening plot wise

like this movie's 97 hours long that was fun to me I liked him smashing all the different faces into the retinal scan or whatever I thought it was fun too

but it's a real note on the length of the movie there was two many smashes keep moving three would have been great rule of threes i would have loved that but like truly he slams like eight people and then they

open the doors and then fucking uh idris elba and all his crew are there and he's like never thought you'd make it through and i'm like you did because you set up your guys with guns so like you knew they were coming you had eight guys in one room and one guy in a truck in the other room. Which is so weird! And also, why do you need that much security if you're just all waiting on the other side with guns anyway? It doesn't make any sense. We just need to get our characters chained up for some BDSM electricity shit. Oh boy.

How hot, how hot that was. It was kind of hot. While they're chained up, getting electrocuted via chains. I have no idea how this machine works, but Vanessa Kirby is with that little cartoon man who's the scientist and he's like trying to extrapolate the virus. But then she's like,

no, we're going to do something different. He's like, okay, I'll help. And then helps her and then then he comes with fire and he blows out fucking idris elba and then i was like so fire is the only thing that hurts him oh i forgot the mick jagger part i was gonna say and then this is the and it's and i only want to bring it up because it's so inconsequential to

the movie that they were like oh the kate moon and it's so inconsequential to the movie that they were like, oh, the Keith Moon. And it's like, all right, so that's the thing. We have plans. And it's like the rock says Mick Jagger. And he's like, oh. And then I was like, Idris Elba will go, what are you guys talking about? But also, what's the Mick Jagger plan? It's like, oh, Mick Jagger.

Okay, so the scientist we've never met is going to blow a blowtorch. And then from there, we'll be able to escape. It's like, it doesn't make any sense. The plan, she gets caught immediately. She puts the gun to his head. She sure does. He's like, you can't shoot me. It's just the movie feels like they had every idea.

No one was like, let's actually not do these. These three we don't need. They're like, no, we'll just do, we'll do all. It's like a make-a-wish film where the kid's like, and I want to do this and this and this. That's great. It's all there. Do you think Adam Levine got the moves like Jagger song idea from seeing Hobbs and Shaw?

Absolutely. 100%. Absolutely. So then they escape. There's another chase where they fight what is his name? Brixton. So Hobbs and Shaw fight Brixton on this like flatbed truck as they blow up the whole like uh fucking science center so like everyone dies in there right

yeah they do a good job of being everyone dies everyone's a bad guy in here so don't worry if you don't care if chernobyl collapses yeah they're like such dicks in these movies where it's like, no, everyone in here is a piece of shit, so when our heroes leave, it's okay to watch it burn. I've been in the personnel file of every character in here, and I know they're all there. They're all kind of annoying to waiters, so you're okay with them dying.

So then Hobbes is like, I know where we can go. I haven't been there in 20 years and nobody wants me Samoa so Sam Samoa do I say it I say it wrong I say I don't know I think we I think a lot of white people say or people non-Samoan say Samoa and I think he's really over enunciating so I think he's trying to let us know wait how does he say it samoa samoa yeah and not samoa samoa okay to visit jonah his brother a mechanic and he's like he punches him jonah punches him right in the face when he sees him so yeah and weirdly statham has that bet where he's like he's gonna punch him right in the face. Yeah. And I was like, why did we need that? Why did we, we did not need to hear that.

Who fucking cares? So then Jonah's like, oh, right. I'll help you fix this piece of machinery. I have never seen one time in my life that is, you know, eminent for the world. I mostly do classic cars, but I think I could take a look at this virus extraction machine. It's great.

So then he was looking for guns. And then mommy is like, there's no guns here in Samoa. We only have this. We'll fight with heart. And I was like, what? No. So she has all the ancient tribal weapons of these warring clans, these old weapons.

And you're like, oh, that's kind of fun. And then it's like, we're going to figure out. So then cut to Hattie, who's an MI6 agent. Now she's hacking into the gun. A dude who's a car mechanic. But by the way, in the world as Michael, you haven't seen all the other movies.

Being a car mechanic in the first movie does mean you are the world's second greatest hacker by this fifth movie. Yeah, you can do anything. It imbues you with like every ability. You're like a shaman. You could retroactively retcon it to be like, he's good with circuits which means we're gonna need him here

in Brazil to steal his safe. You mean the guy who owned a car wash mechanic shop in Fast 2? It's like that's the one. This is Ludacris' storyline. Ludacris owned a car wash in the third movie, second movie yeah and then by the fourth movie or fifth movie he like knew how to hack into like government he's like a nuclear physicist

yeah he's the one who acts the safe yeah the reason he gave was i had a life before this and it was like what that's not it's like actually we saw it in the other movies you're not allowed to say any of that i know the timeline's really fuzzy on these movies where how many years take place in between them, but God only knows. So they set up traps around the island. For whatever reason, the rock knows there's a storm coming and they're going to trap them and fight them hand to hand.

So then Jonah successfully repairs the device after he's like, don't rush me. And then he turns it on. He's like, ooh, okay, we did it. That's a crazy scene too. It's a crazy scene. It's only, it's really crazy. And it's punctuated by how crazy it is when Hattie's like, all right, good.

And just hooks it up to her arm. It's like, ah, it's like, wait a minute. Did you even, do we even know what this thing does and how it works? And we're just like, okay, it's good. All right. We don't know. Just start moaning. I think I did it. He's like, all right, suck the blood out of my arm right now it was crazy yeah so brixton's

army is defeated in a battle where they like spray a bunch of fire he captures hattie via helicopter because she's all woozy walking around with like a i don't this like weapon and i was like i mean make her sit down like have her sit this one out why is she stumbling around that why is the plan not to have her hidden with that thing truly like and it's like we'll get you all you need is 30 minutes alone it's like no stand outside in the middle of the melee you know it's like uh the the fighting here is fun we get to see roman reigns uh who's the other cousin, who's like the big, handsome long-haired guy, he's a WWE wrestler, too, who's of Samoan descent.

Everyone in this scene is hot. Dude, and the big heavyset guys running around in their slippers watching them body slam people and shit, I'm here for all of it. I like the card thing that they do. They hook up to the chopper and eventually start linking all these old jalopies together.

And then it's not a Fast and the Furious saga movie if we don't have a little bit of NOS. But I believe they call it Island. What do they call it, though? They're like, give us some of the Island spirit or something. They have a name for it that's not NOS. I don't remember. I don't know name for it. That's not NOS. I don't remember. I don't know what you're saying. So NOS is like nitrous oxide that you hook up to your engine.

And when you turn it on, it gives you like a, like a chemical reaction that boosts your engine. Like a turbo boost. Yeah. And then it makes you like go faster. Um, and in every Fast and the Furious movie,

they have NOS. And at one point they're like cuban naz and that makes me laugh um so then they have a fight they like crash into this water and it's so funny to me that hobbs can fall down from big places and is like fine well yeah he like he leaps like earlier on he like leaps 70 stories onto a guy's back who's like on a cable it's like yeah but in 300 pounds seven he falls from a like a like a window and lands on that car and then was incapacitated in the hospital and six he jumps out of a plane into a jeep and it's fine you know he's got different levels for every movie um but yeah they fall into this water and then they have this scene where i don't understand why they did it so it's a fight sequence where

some of it is in slow-mo some of it is not and then i guess it's in their contracts that they're like we're all down at once. We're all up at once because it was a lot of up and down, up and down, all of them at the same time. So the weird conceit of this fight is due to Idris Elba's like high tech imagery units or whatever, he's able to calculate blocks and punches very well,

but not at the same time is what they're like it's like his like the setting is in mono or whatever right exactly the second thing happens he's like based on the other fights he's he's handled like many things simultaneously yes he seems to process everything quite well but i think like so they said and it's kind i gotta say it's not fun it's not it's not executed well no but the setup for this is a fun way to do a 2v1 fight like it was a fun way to and i did enjoy the slow-mo of like the faces being like smudged that was kind it was kind of cool but ultimately it felt we've only seen like these are just all three superheroes so it doesn't feel like there's really any

stakes. Yeah it didn't really feel like there was any stakes I felt like it was like a real like oh okay this is a work around them fighting black Superman and I love that he called himself black Superman at one point and I hate it when The Rock was like this is your kryptonite and I was like fuck off just go home go home and take care of your

daughter but then I was like oh my god was it an idris elba's contract that like they can't kill him because then ethan or whatever fucking shuts him down yeah it shuts him down from inside and he just well again he dies the way you need to die in the fast and furious movies absolutely come back that's's Hondo P. Stolarz. Do you think he'll come back in the next Hobbs and Shaw and be a good guy? Of course. A super good guy. Of course.

They redid your computers and now he's a good guy. All right, bruv. Hobbs and Shaw and Lore. Yeah. He has a perfect dumb name to throw in there. Hobbs, Shaw, and Lore. I would love it if they did sequels to this where they had to add a new name to

every title. So let's eventually I love it. The baker, the candlestick maker. Hobbs, Shaw, Lohr, Leibowitz. Leibowitz! It's like those t-shirts that were popular for a while where you just named all the characters from something. Sure, sure, sure.

Bilbo and Frodo and da da da da. And then in the credit scenes, usually you get one, but they give you more than that. So Hobbes brings his daughter to meet his family in Samoa. Deckard and Hattie plan to bust their mother out of prison. Hobbes receives a call from his partner, Locke,

which you're like, that's his partner? Informing him that there's another virus worse than the snowflake it's such an arbitrary hiding like in hobs and shaw too we found a worse virus this one's called two snowflakes we got two snowflakes here um so some quick trivia please oh this film was shot over the period of five months that's not that long no uh the rock city tried to get jason momoah to play the role of hobbs brother but scheduling issues prevented it from happening um so we got that guy is that cliff curtis the actor the actor i feel like has played a hundred different races i gotta say every movie he's

a different race cliff curtis is like legendarily ethnically ambiguous in Hollywood. The other major role you would known from is the like super hardcore Mexican gangster in a training day. Oh, a while. Yeah. Yeah. He's,

he's like one of those dudes who's played a bunch of different ethnicities over the, over the years. Where do you think he's from? That's a great new zealand yeah i think he is maori i think he's playing like uh pacific islander in this movie like it's the first time he's playing his actual culture yeah he's how do you say that morari maori maori yes that's what he is yeah um interesting yeah it's cool he was a mexican gangster i mean cool cool i'm here for it escaped the scrutiny of being able to play just every race but he's

grandfathered into being every race um so the exterior of the eton headquarters is actually the mclaren mclaren technology center where the the McLaren formula one team is based. The building was, uh, added to a CGI landscape. Wow. Some of the McLaren employees also appeared in this movie as extras. So McLaren had their, their hands in this movie.

Yeah. And I got to say that, that car chase with the motor, with a transformer. Oh, did you guys hear like legit transformer noises sometimes while, uh, Idris elba was on camera like no i would i swear they did some sound effects and like light foley that's like

like when the bike is when the bike is i was like they're just straight up like and that really nailed it on this rewatch for me that this has Transformers energy in that it's like Fast and the Furious is big blockbusters, but you still feel connected to it emotionally. And this one felt like Transformers, which are fun, big blockbuster movies, but it's hard to feel emotionally connected in any way.

I fully agree. And I think it's because that, and it's like, now that I think about it, it's like the rock is like a CGI Optimus Prime, really, you know what I mean? think it's because that and and it's like now that i think about it's like the rock is like a cgi optimus prime really you know what i mean where it's like it's hard to connect to a human being that looks and acts like that yeah i fully agree with you um okay so this movie was nominated for favorite action movie at the people's choice awards and he was not or the rock was nominated for a favorite male movie star at the people's choice awards i mean okay killer seven or 67 percent uh fresh

rating on rotten tomatoes um a critic from bashful wrote maybe the family isn't all there but it turns out the extended relatives throw a pretty good party too. My God, the budget was $200 million, which is a lot. And then by the end of its run, it grows $760 million. Mission accomplished. I feel like Fast and the Furious does

better, right? It does. It must. Yeah, Fast 9 broke a bill. So wild. So we're at the end michael cruz cane you got anything you want to plug uh yeah i got a podcast coming out on head gum that we've already mentioned it's called a good cry it comes out on uh september 30th and it's about grief and i really hope you listen because i had a great time i was. I was going to say, I don't know what the premise of the podcast is, but I can attest to Michael being able to walk the fine line of sad and humor

at the same time of really finding humor in some real grief-stricken moments. So that is something I do know about you, so I'm pumped to listen to the podcast. Thank you, sir. That's exciting, yeah. Before we go, Bayer her i just want to tease because this is the ninth episode of the series we have one more we have one more and you've never seen fast nine i have never seen fast nine i stayed away from spoilers i stayed away from anything

the only thing i know is john cena is in it um And that is truly the only information that I have. I am pretty jazzed to watch it. It was the first movie I saw that broke my spell of not going to the movies during the pandemic. I loved it so much. Have not seen it since the night I saw it, opening night. So this will be my first rewatch, which I was holding off on.

And I am so looking forward to hearing your thoughts on what i think is a return to form after doing fast eight and shaw yeah i'm i'm really excited because fast eight was so disappointing wait i kind of want to send michael michael i want to send you on a mission to watch fast nine without any other context. Just throw it on demand at some point and just watch it and report back and we'd love to have a special be like and this dude, Michael, who has not seen anything, this is what he... Because

there's even more cross-connection and it's like watching the last issue of a comic that you never read. Everything starts getting connected and I think it'd be really fun for you to watch Sans Any Context. Just treating it like a standalone movie i will watch it just to have it make absolutely no sense to me because the way you're talking about uh hobbs and shaw if you watch fast nine you're gonna be like and so that guy and the answer for me would be yes that guy is in fast

three for six minutes and now he's in this movie oh boy i cannot wait i am really excited about this same here i'm so looking forward to watching it oh my god because like the last two were a slog is that a good word but like i had so much fun leading up to the last two even tokyo drift was fun to watch i agree and we're back we're back fun. Trust me on Fast 9. Whether it's good or not remains to be seen. Sure. It's objectively fun. Well, okay. If you want your review read for a rate and review.

You can forget about that every time. I can get a review and read it. So Berwyn Girl said, no need to be a fan of the Fast and Furious series. Add me to the list of fans of this podcast who's never watched a single frame of the Fast and the Furious series. I mean, well, fuck,

we have guests who've never watched a single frame. Might as well have listeners too. I love it. The hosts rock. The guests are perfect. C. Murray 725 said, yes, I am truly here living hearing y'all talk about van denzel from speedy and furious it's a real treat that's very funny

so if you write a review we'll pick some we read them maybe. And we're back with our season finale. F9 came out this year, 2021. Baby, I'm so fucking excited. I cannot wait. Okay, bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you. that was a Hiddem original