Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug w/ (Karen Han)

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

Moving on to what the trio will summarize as "The Dead Man's Chest of The Hobbit series", Lauren and Nicole are joined by writer and entertainment reporter Karen Han to shake off the liquid gold and hash out what they just experienced in the second installment of The Hobbit series, The Desolation of Smaug.The three note the dramatically different portrayals of violence between the first and second movie, consider if a romantic interest's DISinterest in your favorite movies is ever a dealbreaker, and confess their struggle to feel invested in any of these characters unless they look like celebrities they know, or are Bilbo, sometimes. Kind of.Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts and let us know what LOTR media you'd like the series to cover.Sources for this episode:Amazon TV series news article by Radio TimesTrivia from Warped FactorAdvertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. We are the Dwarves of Erebor. We have come to reclaim our homeland. I offer you my help. How do we know you won't betray us? We don't. There is no king under the mountain Nor will there ever be

It will not end here With every victory this evil will grow Legolas has grown very fond of you Do not give him hope where there is none You have no right to enter that mountain I have the only right We've been blind In our blindness Our enemy has returned I have the only right. We've been blind.

In our blindness, our enemy has returned. I found something in the Goblin Tunnels. What did you find? My courage. Good. You'll need it. Dragonfire and ruin. That is what you will bring upon us.

He cannot see beyond his own desire. I will not risk this quest for the life of one burglar. His name is Bilbo. Well, thief. Where are you? Come now, don't be shy. Step into the light. Wow. So, this is the sixth episode of our second season. We're already six in. I'm actually feeling

pretty good about that. You know, six is almost ten. Ten is halfway. We're almost done. These movies, man. Do you have a designated number that you're trying to hit

for this season? Twenty. Twenty episodes. Oh, okay. I feel pretty good about this. So, yeah. So anyone out there who doesn't know,

we're working our way through Lord of the Rings for the first time with the help of super fans and nerds and sometimes even people who have contributed to the movies

I don't even want to say nerds because I'm starting to feel like we're a part of this community now and I don't identify it feels like we're the nerds for not

inherently loving this I agree I agree so we started with the Lord of the Rings trilogy that came out throughout the 2000s. But we're now watching all of the Hobbit movies. We did some fan fiction, which was really fun. We're going to check out spinoffs. We're going to do the animated version.

So stop tweeting and asking if we're going to do that. And today we're talking about The Hobbit, The Desolation of Smaug. Now, this is available to rent on Amazon Prime for $2.99, and you can get it on DirecTV and Sling. And, yeah, so, I mean, right off the bat, Nicole, just quick thoughts. Who is Smaug? I didn't know who Smaug was was yeah i so much happened that i was so confused it's such a long movie and there's a point where you're like let's get to the desolation

part yes and let's get to smell so yeah we going to talk about this today. The movies we've reviewed, I mean, if you want to watch them all, The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, The Return of the King, The Hobbit, An Unexpected Journey, and The Hobbit, The Desolation of Smaug. If you care about watching things before hearing us ruin them for you, you should do that. But that's about 20 hours right there. It's a lot of time you're going to have to spend consuming content to consume content. Oh, boy. Shall we introduce our guest?

We shall. We're so excited for our guest today, Karen Han. Karen is a New York City-based writer whose work has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, Vanity Fair, Slate, Vice, New York Magazine, and she's currently an entertainment reporter at Polygon. Welcome, Karen. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to talk about the second Hobbit movie with you. So wait, okay, Karen, are you, yes, you're a fan of Lord of the Rings? I'm a total freak for this stuff. Yeah. Okay.

Are you a freak for The Hobbit? because a lot of people that i'm spoken to who are real ring heads are not hobbit heads um i would say i'm a bigger fan of the books uh my or the book singular my mom uh read it to me when i was growing up i i do remember when we went to go see the first movie together because we're we had sentimental attachment to it as soon as the dwarf started singing she just turned to me in the theater she was like i sang it to you just like that wow that's cute i don't remember if that's true um i like them i feel like every time that i watch them i'm like oh no they are good but every time i step away i'm like is my passion for them justified uh so we'll get into that you keep saying every time how many times have you watched the hobbit uh desolation of the

smog smog desolation of smog i think this every time is maybe an exaggeration this is maybe the third time i've watched it i would say that's That's a lot. That's, yeah, that's literally- It's too much, arguably. Two more times than I'm going to watch it. But see, I think we have the opposite thing where we hate it while we're watching it, but then we talk about it and like it. So it's like we kind of get convinced.

And I liked the first Hobbit movie. And as far as like all the movies we watched go, I guess I thought it was fantastic comparatively. Because I was like, I was like really into it. So I wasn't too scared to watch this one, but it was a bit more boring than the first one. But also I liked this one better than the first one. Oh, really? Yeah.

And I think it's because I was like, great. We have these characters established. There's so many of these dwarves that look wild. I'm on board. We're going to put them in a barrel and throw them in the water. I like that part. I'm on board for that. The water sequence rules.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was fun. I just was like, when Legoland, Leganos, Lego, I was calling him Legoland. His name is Leganos. I do like that. Leganos? Legolas. Legolas.

Legolas. When he came back and had more lines, I was like, whoa, what? He didn't speak at all in the first, he spoke maybe three times in the first three movies. So I was like, why does he go from talking now to never talking again? first three movies so i was like why does he go from talking now to never talking again it was very it's also confusing to think that there's like that this happened before the lord of the rings and everybody looks older in the prequel yeah they do in the sequel and then also there's two black faces in it so here's my question where have all the black people gone it's a great question disarming yeah i feel confused too about it being before i only remember that in certain moments like when you see that

bilbo has the ring i'm like oh yeah he's gonna be that old guy but i feel like i have to do a lot of work yes mentally to make that make sense for myself but But see, this is like the thing. Here's a question I have about like fantasy movies in general and Star Wars like fits in this category. What is with telling things out of order? Like what is the pleasure? I second that question. Why?

I mean, I think it's just because the Lord of the Rings made money because The Hobbit did chronologically come before the Lord of the Rings in terms of when they were published. But I feel like in terms of what's interesting to a mainstream audience, I feel like they were like, The Lord of the Rings will work because that's like big fantasy epic. Even though it was still kind of a gamble and insane that it that people did like it as much as they did. But then it made a whole bunch of money and it actually won oscars which is unprecedented and then they were like i feel like we can do that again and make more money off of it because this also was only supposed to be two movies and then they're like no make three that does feel grubby it does feel yeah and i

think that the hobbit because i'm not sure what actually happened in this movie. I did enjoy it, but I was like, did the movie move forward? I don't think so. It feels like we're right back at the end of the first Hobbit. But then I was like, why wasn't The Lord of the Rings six or seven or eight movies? It seemed like they had a lot of story they wanted to show. So why not make those six movies or something like that? Also, break it the fuck up give me a movie that's under two hours i would kill for one of these to be short right at this point

now karen where does this one rank like rank for you with the lord of the rings and like the other hobbit movie or the third one all three lord of the rings definitely come first they are the highest ranked for me um i think in terms of the hobbit movies from best to worst i would say one two three just because nice yeah i mean this one they're all fun but number two is like the dead man's chest of the hobbit trilogy where it's just like it's fun but it's just filler it figures that that's the one i like the best i I'm glad you liked one. Yeah, I was really on board. I had so many questions. It was hard because the nice man who lives with me does not like The Hobbit movies and is pretty disparaging about The Hobbit movies.

So I would ask questions and he'd be like, I don't fucking know. This movie's terrible. And then John doesn't know very much. So I was truly just like on my own being like the fuck and then I read the synopsis on Wikipedia and I was like I don't know if I saw any of this it was just so many words that I didn't recognize it's it's tough these movies they make it hard wait I do want to know I do want to know why Dead Man's Chest is your favorite parts of a Caribbean movie um I don't know, because I thought it was good.

That's the second one, right? I thought it was fun. It was a fun romp back on the ship with, what's his name? Lieutenant, I want to say Lieutenant Dan, but I know it's not. Oh, Jack Sparrow. By a side note, I'm watching this series on Disney Plus called The Imagineers. Have you seen this? No.

What is that? And it's all about how Walt Disney created Disneyland and then how it's progressed through the years and how they've updated it and all the people who've worked on it who are called Imagineers and all of their amazing creations over the years. And I thought of it because there was a whole section about Pirates of the Caribbean, but it's really fascinating. If anyone cares about Disneyland at all,

it's, it's a really fun watch. I see. I don't love being in Disneyland, but I love the idea of Disney. And then I've been watching a lot of Pixar shorts and they're just so delightful. Those really are.

Your job is to just make tiny little delightful things. There's one where this gay man turns into a dog and his mom knew the whole time and he didn't have to keep it from her. And I sobbed. A gay man turned into a dog? I didn't describe that well at all. And then his mom knew what the whole time that he was gay? Fully described that so poorly. So yeah. So this guy has a boyfriend and he like wants to tell his

family about his boyfriend. His boyfriend wants him to tell his family. And he's like, no, I can't. I can't get out. My parents are coming over for dinner. So then he like looks at his dog and he's like, man, I wish I was a dog where like i didn't have to worry about telling anybody anything and then he like switches bodies with the dog and then he like hit the the dog as a human very funny just like walking around with his tongue out and then he's trying to like hide this picture of like him and his boyfriend and then the dog like ruined something and then the mom starts crying and she's like i wish my son would just tell me what's going on i don't care who he loves and when she said that i was like i love this that's so sweet i'll watch that documentary that was a very long route to

me saying lauren thank you for the recommendation yes well i think some of the episodes like there's like six episodes and they get a little bit boring at certain points but the beginning is really fascinating because it's all about how Walt Disney like had this dream and like brought it to life and just how he was this boss who would be like well you should make that a clock and then they'd be like and that changed everything for me like you know they just like they just like loved him and admired him and then he dies and it's like really hard for everyone to go on and then they do and it's just there's just so much highly recommend anyway what are we talking about we're talking about return of the smog or no desolation of the smog desolation of smog yeah so yeah i feel like i was excited to see smog because in the end of the one we just watched

you see him at the end in that pile of gold and that was like one of my favorite parts. And it took a long time to get there. Such a long time. Yeah. You know, like it was kind of like, I want to start there. In the first movie,

he's waking up and I liked that. I feel like there's something exciting. Like you don't even see him until then, right? In the second one. Yes, correct.

It's like a whole other, so the first movie ends and then like the second movie does not pick up where it left off. The third movie doesn't. I'm going to be livid because it's a cliffhanger. If it doesn't pick up right at that scene, I will lose my goddamn mind. I also don't think I could handle it if I was like a fan and I went to the movies. I guess you're prepared for a little bit, but then how it just ends like to be continued, I'd be like, fuck, like at least wrap it up like here somehow. And then I'll still be excited next year.

But like having to wait a year. Yeah, Karen, was that frustrating as a fan that you like, there was this clip, well, you read the books, so. It's frustrating, I think just because kind of as we've discussed, like so little happens in this movie. Like they spend half the time kind of getting from the end of the first movie to what the main action of this movie is. And it's like you just like Google Maps to cross this place.

And like that should only take like 10 minutes. But it's taken about an hour and a half to get to this dragon. Yeah. I mean, I'll say like dead man's chest wraps up this movie does not it sure doesn't also you very recently tweeted the virgin thorin oak shy shield versus the chad oregon what i don't i one we need help no idea what this means. But two, do you agree with one of the replies you received stating, a lot to unpack here? And I agree with the statement, but like for different reasons.

I have no idea what these words mean together. Yeah, I feel confused. The virgin Thorin Oakenshield versus the Chad Aragorn. Because I thought Aragorn was Viggo Martinsen. And it's not? No, it is. Yeah. Oh, okay.

Tell us more. Yes. Explain this tweet. I will say I was listening to other episodes prior to coming on, and I did enjoy that part of what's built into the podcast format is we roast guests for their own terrible tweets. We are not roasting you. We truly want to understand what it means. Because it got a ton of likes, and I want to know what it means.

Wait, what? Your husband sent me a meme, a Lord of the Rings meme. It was like, do you understand this? Lauren doesn't. And I was like, no, I want to understand. And then he never responded. Oh, I can show you and you can explain it. It's this.

Oh, yeah. No, I didn't get that. Okay, so it's Saruman. And then there's a girl who is working at a pizza place or something. And there's a dust print hand. I do like that. It's from the Lord of the Rings memes Reddit. Her butt has a dust print of a hand on her butt,

and it says, she bears the mark. Yeah, and a picture of Saruman, because his whole thing is he brands the Uruk-hai that he makes with a white handprint to show that they serve him. Oh. I would have never gotten that that's okay fair okay so please tell us about the tweet please i feel like i really only have about a 70 understanding of the meme format that i'm appropriating but it's basically the version x versus the chad y um the virgin being like someone who's a

huge nerd and not gonna get laid the chad being like a jock who's like very strong and handsome and sexy and attractive oh i haven't heard of this um and in this instance thorin is the virgin because they try to make him look like a tall hot man instead of just making him look like a dwarf and aragorn is the the Chad because he is a normal man and very handsome. Ah, I see. There's this new thing I learned, by the way. So your tweet makes me think that there's like a lot of, you know, I feel like I'm very online, but there's still a lot of stuff that I don't get. And I just learned my friend Lauren Ashley Smith posted this TikTok that was basically saying we as millennials need to stop

using the cry or the laugh emoji for laughing where it's like laughing tears oh gen xers or no not gen xers what's below us gen zers gen zers yeah they say that's like not cool and you can't do that anymore so you now have to use the cry emoji that's pure tears or the dead skeleton emoji that's how you laugh that's what i've been using good job you're very hip oh my god why is it problematic i don't know but but they but she texted her cousin and her who's like in that age demographic and she was like literally never use that like it was just like you are and also they said in the tiktok to stop taking pictures from above oh like like the myspace angle no one can stop me from doing that it's the best angle well i like do it slightly but i stopped doing it a lot because i was like

what if you don't see my second chin and then in something else you see my second chin and then you go why do her chins come and go the wildest thought to have like i don't think anyone's thinking about my chins but you know i just have a lot of time to think you want to be honest with your selfie angle like yeah i really do should we read our shire wire Should we read our Shire Wire? Let's read our Shire Wire. This is our nude segment. Now, some recent news has been released about the Amazon Lord of the Rings TV series. So here's what we know now. There's still no release date beyond a 2021 expectation.

Our news is we don't know anything. That's so funny that the news is we don't know. No updates. But shooting is back underway in New Zealand after the coronavirus delay caused back in March, and Amazon has announced shooting will break for four or five months after the first two episodes are filmed to see what's working.

To see what? What? Well, okay. Why is this franchise so improvised? I don't know. It's so wild. So Amazon has made a multi-season commitment that includes potential spinoff series.

Oh, God. Oh, we could be in this for the long haul. Maybe they'll read or listen to the fan fiction episode and the spinoff will be about Darkwyn, the black elf. I love that. They need her. I mean, I will say they love when people are nerdy about it. Like Stephen Colbert, known Lord of the Rings freak,

is in Desolation of Smaug. Which, yes, Mike pointed that out to me. He has no lines. He's just there in one moment. And I thought that was pretty cool. Fully missed it. Yeah, he doesn't look like himself at all. Yeah. And Amazon has revealed that the series will be set during the 3,441 year period before the events of the Fellowship of the Ring. In the J.R.R. Tolkien timeline, this is known as the Age of Numenor, or the Second Age. This means, unfortunately,

that we probably won't see many of the characters from the original series in it as they weren't around during this time. Bold move. Bold, but also exciting for me because the Hobbit had Black people. So that means if there are no Black people, I get to be like,

no, because there were some in the Hobbit. You've established that they were there. Yeah. They were there before. So give them to me. I'm pretty sure they explicitly were like, we will cast people of color this time.

I'm we're sorry. Good. Yeah. That has been a big, like obvious thing about these. It's like glaring. it's so wild yeah it's a huge thing when i discuss why i like them i'm like i pretend i do not see it like i uh what yeah it feels like something that you have to just like ignore in order to like fully

um get into the fantasy world it is interesting though because i'm like sure yeah you can like it but also i think it's okay to point out something that it's lacking. For sure. And they're fixing it, which is good. No, this is good. So your boyfriend is not into the Lord of the Rings you mentioned to me when we were off mic. And I'm curious how that affects your dating. Like when you go into a relationship with somebody and they're like,

I don't like that thing that you're like really into. Is annoying to you or are you like whatever it's fine it's not it's it's mostly fine like I feel like that meme pops up on Twitter a lot where it's like what movie's a deal breaker if they haven't seen it and it's like I can't imagine a world in which like that would be the parameter I set on who I do or don't date um but I do remember when we started dating I we were talking about like our favorite things just because that's a normal like icebreaker conversation and i was like oh i love the lord of the rings and he was like oh i don't really care about those movies and i was like excuse me um but and the pact now has basically been he will watch all three lord of the rings

movies if i watch all three high school musical movies which i have not seen um oh my god that's fun we have not done that yet but we have watched all three Lord of the Rings movies and he did cry during the Return of the King so I was like okay that's funny at what part at the very end which end yeah when like the hobbits are saying goodbye to each other the fellowship is breaking yeah um and I while he was watching this with me, um, I was sort of going like, Oh wow. I like the Easter eggs that I'd forgotten that tie back to like some of the

Silmarillion book stuff. And he was like, you're, you're too much of a nerd. Like this is too much. You have to stop telling me. My husband has read all the books and stuff too. So he,

I, I'm basically the same. He's excited that I'm watching all of this, but it's also hard for him when I get stuff really wrong, even after seeing it. He's like, you didn't pay attention. Does he also not like the Hobbit movies? He doesn't like them that much,

but I feel like I can't stress enough that my paying attention still doesn't mean that I know what's going on. Same. I fully, like, yeah yeah i like what watch it for stretches at a time ask john a question he'd be like you were watching it and i was like i know i will be staring at the tv thinking of nothing else and still be like i hope i know what i'm talking about the podcast tomorrow like i just have no idea it's hard um you want to take a

quick break nicole Let's take a break. Okay, we'll come right back with a lot more. Oh, a lot more. If you're wondering what a NordVPN is, I'll tell you. VPN stands for Virtual Private Network, a service that protects your internet connection and online privacy. A VPN creates an encrypted tunnel for your data, protect your online identity by hiding your IP address,

and allow you to use public Wi-Fi hotspots safely. I'm using a NordVPN myself. And honestly, it's very easy to use. You connect with one click to enable auto-connect for zero-click protection. It has amazing speed. NordVPN is one of the fastest VPNs out there, and it supports every major platform,

Windows, Android, iOS, Linux, even Android TV. You can switch your virtual location to access apps and websites in other countries. Get an exclusive NordVPN deal here at nordvpn.com slash newcomers. N-O-R-D-V-P-N dot com slash newcomers. It's risk-free with Nord's 30-day money-back guarantee. Link is in the episode description. We're back! We are back oh my god okay so this was directed by peter jackson yes released in december 2013 and this is the second

installment in a three-part film adaptation based on tolkien's 1937 novel the hobbit as we said and it was pressed preceded by an Unexpected Journey and followed by The Battle of Five Armies, which is what I guess we're getting into next week. And together they operate as a prequel to Jackson's Lord of the Rings film trilogy. The film follows the titular character, Biblo Baggins.

This is so funny that I have all of the words. You always do! Oh my god. Thorin Oakenshield and his fellow dwarves on a quest to claim the Lonely Mountain from the dragon Smaug.

The film also features the vengeful pursuit of Azog the Defiler? Oh no. And Bolg. Well, Candy the Grey investigates a growing evil in the ruins of Dolgerder.

Wow. Wow. Honestly, it makes the normal words so much harder to read. No word looks normal after looking at those crazy names. Should we get into this summary? Yeah. All right. Let's do it let's wait first karen could you describe

what happens in this movie in like a sentence they go to the lonely mountain and wake up the dragon that's honestly all it is okay and that could be that's a fact nothing else happens this movie could be one minute yeah that's so wild because i was like so much happens but like not enough do you know what i mean like not enough happened for it to be a movie anyway let's get into it so thorin and his company are being pursued by azog and his orc army following the events of the previous film they're ushered along by gandy to nearby home of, uh-oh, Bjorn. Baby Bjorn. Baby Bjorn, a skin changer who can take the form of a bear.

That night, Azog is summoned by Dalgard, by the necromancer, who commands him to marshal his forces of war. Azog then delegates the hunt for Thorin and his son, Blorg. I thought the bear thing was cool. I also thought the bear thing was cool, but then I was like, what's the point? There was none. Because then the bear guy was talking to the org,

and then I was like, wait, whose side is he on? It was confusing. I agree. I will say when I read the books as a child i always pictured him as like the like brawny lumberjack and yeah that's like a half fur man i know i didn't expect him to have fur when he turned yeah yeah it's like we get it yeah like you're actually too much of a bear still um the following day, Bjorn escorts the company to the borders of Mirkwood where Gandhi discovers black speech imprinted on an old ruin.

This coincides with a telepathic message from Galadriel urging him to investigate the tombs of the Nazgul. He warns the company to remain on the path and leaves them. Upon entering the forest, they lose their way and are ensnared by giant spiders. Ooh, that part was crazy. It was fucking sick. That was disgusting.

It was really awful. And Karen, you might not know this, but in my fan fiction, I had Frodo fuck a spider. So I thought it was the same one. They actually, in the most recent Lord of the Rings game, they turned the big spider from the Lord of the Rings into a big lady. Oh, everyone feels it then. I guess that tension was really there. Bilbo then sets about freeing the dwarves

with the help of his recently acquired invisibility ring. He subsequently drops the ring and first begins to understand its dark influence after he brutally kills a creature to retrieve it. But the thing about this for me was, so he climbs to the top of the trees, didn't tell anybody, tumbles down,

the spiders, sick as hell, are just like getting at him, and then he was killing them, but then he like killed one to get the ring and saw the humanity lost, and I was like, but you were killing them anyway to survive so like i don't get i i don't think it's earned i don't think it's the ring i think you're being

a real looney tune there was spiders bigger than your whole life attacking you of course you would kill it yeah i also feel like they got away with so much like kind of pretty terrible violence in this movie under the guise of it happens to spiders and orcs like the spider gets all his legs ripped off. I was like, no, thank you. Karen, I screamed. I was so upset about that. I said, no, no, no, you cannot do that. That is wrong. That's just cruel.

That's an interesting point because I feel like in the first Hobbit, the violence was like funnier. Like when that one guy got killed, he was like, do it and then like fell down like that was like silly and this didn't have that same energy no lots of people getting shot straight through the head with arrows right yeah especially this like next part so the remaining spiders are offended off by the wood elves led by Stanley Tucci, Torelli, Tucci, Torelli,

Torell, Torell. And I was calling him Legoland before. I think you should. I think that's his name. Okay. So Legoland. Yeah.

They also capture the dwarves, which I was like, why? And then they bring Thorin before their king, Thandrull, who is the gayves, which I was like, why? And then they bring Thorin before their King, Thandrul, who is the gayest, slinkiest. I have to see who that was.

Lee Pace. I really loved it. Oh, Lee Pace. Yes. My God. He was just like, so like,

like a pointy stiletto, uh, acrylic nail. That's what he is as a person. Like, just like, I did love that they shot his intro like a like a jewelry ad like a k's jewelry they did and there's one scene where

i guess it's thorin the shot is on thorin and thorin is smaller than him so he has to slide into frame and it made me laugh so hard. I rewound it three times. So Thorin confronts the Elven King about his neglect of the dwarves of Ebor following Smaug's attack 60 years earlier and is consequently imprisoned with the other dwarves. Biblo, having avoided capture, arranges an escape.

Did I not say that right, Biblo? No, I just love hearing it every time. I like Biblo, having avoided capture, arranges an escape. Did I not say that right? Biblo? No, I just love hearing it every time. Biblo. Yeah. Oh, Bilbo. No, I like Biblo. Yeah, Bilbo's good. Biblo, cousin to Diplo, arranges an escape using empty wine barrels that are sent downstream.

While they're pursued by wood elves, they're ambushed by Blorg and his orc party. And Kili? Kili is wounded with a morug shaft. They engage in a running three-way battle down the river, but ultimately the dwarves are able to escape both groups of pursuers. Thandredal then seals his kingdom off when an orc capture reveals an evil entity has returned

and is amassing his army in the south but then stanley tucci decides to leave and assist the dwarves lego land goes after her meanwhile gandy and ragay rad de guest go investigate the tombs of naz ghoul which they find to be empty empty the dwarves going down the river and these barrels i was like what the fuck are we at like an amusement park it was so wild it should be a theme park ride but oh my god yeah probably require a lot of insurance have you seen that documentary last act or class action park i'm too scared to watch it's it's scary but it's also like funny like they walk this line with it that's kind of um weird because it's like funny because they have a comedians talking about all the people who got hurt but then like people really died and they talked like people's family of people who died and it's like not funny

anymore but then like kind of ends funny and it's like i'm not sure i feel about this but it does feel like a ride that would be there like just get in a barrel and just fly down this thing yeah the person who made up the rides at that park just like drew a swirl on a piece of paper and was like do this like it was insane oh wait before the like river adventure who is the girl evangeline lily what is her character's name oh real oh that's that's stanley that's stanley yes so was stanley tucci flirting with uh the nick jonas dwarf yes right because he almost shot her and then they're like kind of flirting yeah yeah i was so confused about that because then lego land was all like uh dwarves are disgusting and she's like some of them are tall and i was like what the fuck is happening right

she was like into them yes it's weird i mean they very much shoehorned that in she does not exist in the book and they were like we have they were like we're gonna put a woman in and then they were like everyone don't worry we're not gonna make a woman in. And then they were like, everyone, don't worry. We're not going to make her romantic interest. And then they did do it. Interesting. I was excited about there being a woman because there are so few. But yeah, I didn't find the story for her particularly compelling. Yeah.

I was pretty bored by her and truly didn't understand why she was there. Yeah. I feel like I didn't follow that at all, but I had a problem with that with a lot of the parts of the movie, so. I don't know about those on her. Okay, so the company are smuggled into Esgaroth by a bargeman named

Bard. Thorin promises the master and the people of Laketown a share of the mountain's treasure. It is then revealed that Bard is a descendant of the last ruler of Dale, Geryon, and possesses the last black arrow capable of killing Smaug. Kili is forced to remain behind, tended to by Fili, Oin, and Bofur, as the remaining company receive a grand farewell. grand farewell. Meanwhile, Gandalf travels south to the ruins of Dol Guldur, where Radagast leaves to warn Galadriel of their discovery at the tombs of Nazgul.

Gandalf finds the ruins infested with orcs and is ambushed by Azog. The necromancer overpowers and defeats Gandalf and reveals himself as Sauron. Isn't Sauron just like that hot flaming pussy? Or is Sauron... Yeah. Okay that hot flaming pussy? Or is Soran...

Yeah, okay. Hot flaming pussy? Yeah, like the flaming eye or whatever. Oh, oh, right, right, right. H-A-P. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To me, it looks like a flaming pussy.

I follow, I follow. I thought he had a flaming pussy or something like that. A little change in the story is significant. Yeah, it truly would have been like, are you okay, dude? Yeah. Is that a feature or a bug? This whole part was really confusing because I was like, who is this man who looks very similar to Orlando Bloom

when he doesn't have a blonde wig on? Why is he in a big boat? Why wouldn't they just let him in? Now they're coming up through the toilet. And then he's like, don't leave. And they're like, we're going to leave anyway. And then homeboy falls down the stairs. And then everyone's like, ha, we're here to kill.

I was like, what the fuck is? I was so confused. Now, is this after they already climb that tree? Why is that part not in here? Where they climb the tree and like look over the top and Bilbo like sees the sun to like find which way they have to go.

Yes, this is after that. I liked that part. I thought that was cool. It's a really nice scene. That's a nice scene. But then the spiders happen. Oh, that was then. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because he falls into the spiders. So it was like, don't you want to see something really nice? And you're like, yes. And they're like, ugh, here's spiders. It was, yeah, for me, it was like don't you want to see something really nice you're like yes and they're like oh here's spiders it was yeah for me it was not nice i mean i feel like that's my thing about this whole movie where there's scenes like him popping up over the trees where i'm like oh this

is really nice and then immediately there's at least like 20 minutes where i'm like i don't either i either don't care or don't enjoy what's happening and then they like go on the barrel right i'm like this fucking rules and then another 15 minutes pass before something else happens so it's a very yeah uptown experience it feels very um male to write something that just kind of like you like to have the the guts or whatever to be like this scene is 30 minutes long and nothing happens like i just feel like i wouldn't be okay with that yeah i mean it reminds me of tyler perry's movies because the scenes go on for so long and like truly wild things will happen and nobody will acknowledge it i think it's why did i get married this woman breaks a bottle on a man's

head at the dinner table and everyone's like well i guess we had enough dinner and i was like wait it's yeah like some like weird shit happens and they it just goes on for so long i want to see every single one of those movies i'm just gonna put that out there so back to lord of the rings back to return of smaug i don't know why out there. So back to Lord of the Rings. Back to Return of Smaug. I don't know why I keep trying to call it Return of the Smaug. It's a very third act Star Wars title. And Return of the King's there already.

So why not really? You're right. He is coming back like from out of the mountain. Yeah. This should be the return of Smaug. And some people do say Smaug and some people say Smaug. Karen, how do you say it of Smaug. And some people do say Smaug and some people say Smaug. Karen, how do you say it?

Smaug. Oh. I say Smaug because I feel embarrassed when I say Smaug, but I feel like in the movies they say Smaug. I feel fancy when I say Smaug. Like pronouncing the Italian names on the Olive Garden menu? Yes, it's like that chef, like Giada or whatever, where she's like, mozzarella.

And it's like, you can say mozzarella. You can just say mozzarella. It's fine. Yeah. We all know. We know. Okay, let's see. Thorne and his remaining company reach the Lonely Mountain

where Bilbo discovers the hidden entrance. He is sent in to retrieve the Arkenstone, and while doing so, he accidentally awakens Smaug. While trying to find Bilbo, Smaug reveals his knowledge of Sauron's return. Back in Lake Town, Bard attempts to bring the Black Arrow to the town's launcher, as he fears what may happen when the dwarves enter the mountain. However, he is arrested in the process and leaves his son to hide the arrow. Bolg and his orc party then infiltrate the town and attack the four dwarves, but are quickly dispatched following the arrival of Toriel and Legoland.

Toriel then tends to Kili, and while Kili is recovering, he openly admires Toriel's beauty and wonders if she loves him. Legoland leaves in pursuit of Bolg. Meanwhile, Gandalf watches helplessly as Azog and an orc army march from Dol Guldur towards the Lonely Mountain. This whole part for me was so messy. I found it really hard to follow. And I made it a point this movie to sit and watch it. And I would be watching it and I'd be like, wait, what? And then I would rewind it and be would be watching it and i'd be like wait what and then i would rewind it and be like that didn't clear up anything i was very confused i think i mean

the town is just boring maybe that's what it was and i was like i don't get why we're here don't you like how the town looks it looked fun but like nothing really happened and then also with um keely wondering if uh torelli is gonna love love him or whatever nothing happens though they don't get together no like nothing do they get together in the third one karen um almost i'm pretty sure he died oh no no like we care and here's the funny thing yeah it was just both of you roll your eyes as you said oh no i have no i have no attachments to him like i don't either i don't have any attachment to anybody i almost have attachments to bilbo but like i don't you know i want to if i yeah if i had to pick someone it's Bilbo or it's Ori,

the one who Jimmy Fowley posts on his Instagram all the time. There's this one. What? The character Ori, do you know which one that is? I think so. Jimmy Fowley, who's a comedian,

we mentioned this before, but he puts, he kind of looks like that character. Looks exactly like this character. Like verbatim. And like that's a man in prosthetics, but yes, if you put that wig on Jimmy. Looks exactly like this character. Like, verbatim. And, like, that's a man in prosthetics. But, yes, if you put that wig on Jimmy, it would be, like, perfect. And he posted that, like, every day for, like, months.

And people were getting so annoyed. He just kept posting that picture and being like, this is me. And I loved it. I bought the merch. I had the shirt before I realized it was from Lord of the Rings. Which is just so silly. It's so funny. But he's kind of my favorite

because I feel so familiar with his look from Jimmy's Instagram. Not for Lord of the Rings related reasons. No, no, no, no. He got more lines in this one and he had a lot of pressure on him. I pay a lot of attention to that character. And this time he got to say a bunch of stuff

and he got really scared and he tried to help and whatever. It was kind of fun. But Bil that is like the best but i also felt like there was that moment with gandalf where gandalf's like like he's like about to confess to gandalf like i have something and he's like i found something my courage and i was like that annoys me it yes like gandalf is minor god. Like, do you really think he wouldn't think that was a weird thing to say? Yeah. Like, Gandy knows.

I thought that was a weird lie, and I was like. Like, he has a ring. Why would he not know? Right. Like, he should know about this. He would be able to help him. But, you know, I guess that's the evil power of the ring, that you don't want to give it up. I just.

I don't buy that the ring is evil. Like, I just, I was. Bilbo, he's just not serving it to me. With him, it doesn't read that way. Like with Frodo, I feel like there was like pure terror surrounding the ring. Yes. And the stakes were so high. And with Bilbo, I feel like he's like, it gets blurry when I put it on.

And I'm like, this is bad i don't know yeah and it has nothing to do with the acting i think it has everything to do with the script and the makeup because they made frotto look very bad at times like like where he was like drained yeah like the experience dying yeah i will I mean, I feel like the effects of the ring are so hard to convey, like, in a visual medium. Like, because it is so much psychological. I was watching, to prep for this, I was watching this with my boyfriend. And he was like, when I was a kid, I, like, just didn't understand why the ring was so powerful. Like, it can't do explosions.

It can't do any, like, magic. Like, what's the point of this ring? Which is pretty valid. That's interesting yeah i feel like for kids that's a much it's a much like bigger concept that like you learn yeah it's like a real morally moral yeah trying to explain morals to kids that's interesting anywho back inside the mountain circle long chase build on the dwarves rekindle the mountain's forge. I don't know what that means. Using Smaug's flames to create and melt

a large golden statue. Hoping to bury Smaug alive in the molten gold. They do so, but Smaug emerges from the gold, which I fucking loved. He looked fucking cool. That was cool

when he spun in the sky and he was like, I was like, this is for me. He stumbles out of the mountain and he flies off to destroy Lake Town as Biblo watches in He stumbles out of the mountain and he flies off to destroy Lake Town as Biblo watches in horror at the sight of the chaos

and goes, what have we done? And then smash cut to black. And you're like, you did a lot. You let that fucking dragon go after. He's like, I am death. I'm a murder. And it's like, he's covered in gold. Like he's feeling himself.

He's going to murder everybody. So you did a lot. That's what you did, Bilbo. It's such an abrupt ending this is a very dumb question because obviously i should know this especially since we just read that whole thing but why does he need to get that piece from the gold pile um that stone is basically the stone that he's trying to get is basically a thing that says like i'm the dwarf king it's a kind of a a physical like rights thing oh okay

so if he had that he has power yeah if he has that then the other doors would be like we will listen to you and follow you i see okay i liked that whole scene where he's trying to find it and he sees it and he's sneaking around and smog can see him i mean i thought that was the most exciting part yes i did like when he's looking at all the other gems and it just feels like your elementary school trip to like the National History Museum where you just see like gems in the gift store.

Yeah, like one of these is probably it, right? That is funny. I have a question about earlier. How come the elves take the dwarves? Why do the elves hate the dwarves so much? Middle Earth racism. Ah. the elves take the dwarves why do the elves hate the dwarves so much uh middle earth racism ah so wait are the so obviously the wizards are the top tier people and then underneath that is the wizard like the not the wizards the elves they're kind of considered that way just because

they're all like immortal and stuff and also sort of on a similar level the line of considered that way just because they're all like immortal and stuff. And also sort of on a similar level, the line of men that Aragorn is descended from. He's from Numenor, which is the region that the TV series is going to focus on. And they're kind of like the Ur human. So they live longer and then it's normal humans. It's not that like dwarves are the bottom, but yeah. Are there humans in Lakeview too? Yes. Those are all just normal people.

Oh, okay. And with that, like with the sort of racism within it, like that bear guy, he was like, I hate dwarves. I hate hobbits, but I hate dwarves more or something or orcs more. Which, by the way, you definitely should. Orcs are disgusting, evil assholes. They're really gross. There's kind of no comparison

if you're annoyed by hobbits versus something that's literally built to kill. But so, why would they stay with him? Why would Gandalf set it up? That was something I was a little confused about. I was like,

when they got to that house and then they had to rush inside because the bear was going to eat them. And then Gandalf was like, that's our host. And I was like, good move. Like, why stay there?

My recollections of the book are not nearly as deadly. Where it's just like, oh, it's a bear man and he's fine. But I... That's more interesting. It's like just weird.

Mm-hmm. And not like a scary... I mean, mean i liked that scene i liked how it was kind of intense but i i think like in a book that's more fun for it to just be like your imaginations like picturing this weird thing and then the bear man is not as exciting to look at as he is to think about so many things are like that, unfortunately. Okay, so now, what are, Nicole, like, what are your feelings going into the third one? Are you, like, full of dread? I'm not full of dread because I liked this one. I was confused by, like, the back end of it, but I paid attention to it a lot. So I'm curious to see if it picks, it needs to pick up exactly where it left off. Otherwise, I will be so angry.

The flashback at the beginning of this movie is like terrible. It needs to start with Smaug like dusting off that gold again. Yes. Because that was so beautiful. But I don't really, I have, I guess I'm just picturing what, so he's going to go destruct the town or something.

Desolate the town. Well, I'm, I'm not, I'm not afraid to watch it. You're not afraid to watch it. Okay. I'm feeling okay.

I'm like, there's something that I, I guess what I kind of like about this franchise compared to doing Star Wars is that it feels like you have more chances to kind of tie things up in a bow than you do with Star Wars. Like you kind of have to watch all of it

to really do that. And with this, you get three, three, then we'll watch another thing. Like I feel like it kind of gets broken up a little bit nicely. I think I agree. Overall, would you say you guys are having a better time with this series or with the lord of the rings oh i think we like the hobbit

more but you hated you had the first one but now that you like the second one i feel like we're kind of balanced i really did not like the first one the second one i liked but i think i'm gonna like the third one the most because I think the third one has the story you know yeah and I mean

I think this has been kind of interesting because with Star Wars we tended to like the things that people hate yeah this is happening here too

so I'm not totally shocked that we're like The Hobbit franchise is actually pretty good meanwhile everyone's like I'm so sorry you have to watch that one and we're like that was Hobbit franchise is actually pretty good. Meanwhile, everyone's like, I'm so sorry you have to watch that one.

And we're like, that was the one we liked, babe. Yeah. So this movie grossed, oh no, what a big number. $258,366,855 in North America. in North America and $702 million in other countries for a worldwide total of $960 million, blah, blah, blah. So calculating in all expenses, Deadline Hollywood estimated that the film made a profit of $134.1 million

and it's the fourth highest grossing 2013 film. What? Fourth highest grossing of 2013? What else came out then? Yeah, truly, That's wild. It grossed $209 million worldwide on its opening weekend. That's too much.

That's a lot of money. The film holds a 74% critics rating on Rotten Tomatoes and 85% for the audience score. Surprisingly not bad. People liked it. Peter Bradshaw of The Guardian scored the film four stars out of five, writing, it's mysterious and

strange, and yet Jackson also effortlessly conjures up that genial quality that distinguishes The Hobbit from the more solemn Rings stories. Fair. I'm really surprised it got a good... I thought everyone hated this. That's what I thought, but I do think

Lord of the Rings is a more solemn story and The Hobbit is wackier. I don't know. Yeah. It's weird. I wish it was like somewhere in the middle of where it is. Anyway, Mark Hughes, who reviewed The Fume, the film for Forbes, was highly enthusiastic and felt The Desolation of Smaug was another grand entry in the Tolkien saga, raising the emotional and physical stakes while revealing more of the sinister forces

before concluding, it's pleasing to see filmmakers in love with story. This committed to creating entire worlds, and that's a rare thing indeed. And for it to turn out so well, it's even more rare. It's a sight to behold. You won't be sorry you did.

I mean, I appreciate that. I feel like with something like this, it's so funny because even with Star Wars, too, people just rip into it so hard. And you think about all the effort that goes into making something like this, and it's so challenging. And then everyone goes, it sucked. Yeah. The New York Post's

Lou Luminick, what a name, was extremely negative and is 1.5 out of 4 star review, remarking, there are probably enough moments to satisfy

hardcore fans, but for the rest of us, this amounts to the Middle Earth equivalent of Star Wars Episode 2 Attack of the Clones, a space-holding, empty-headed epic

There's nothing wrong with that movie. filled with characters and places, digital and otherwise, that are hard to keep straight and much less care about. I mean, that's honestly true. I actually agree with that. I don't...

You said, like, a placeholder. It's kind of just like they're filling time. And, I don't know. I guess, like, it could be so much shorter and it's fine. But at the same time, I'm not that mad about that, I guess. I think I was kind of trying to make the same point where it's like there are so many dwarves and i feel like if put under pressure i could differentiate all of them but really only like three of them

really do anything or matter yeah like there's the redhead guy who like is like a sphere and he runs really really fast at one point and then there's like the Jimmy Fowley. Yeah. Amazing. And then there's a guy with like, all their hairstyles are really great. Yeah. Well, the Nick Jonas one,

truly, I kept confusing for Thorin, the lead one. Mm-hmm. And then Balin, I was like, who are you and how did you get so old? Like, was he in the first one? Yeah. Which one's that? The oldest one known to man. He looks like Santa Claus. Yes.

Yes, he looks like he's literally in like a Disney Santa movie where like he's secretly Santa but he works at the post office or something. Yeah. And everyone like doesn't get that he's Santa even though he looks exactly like him and delivers mail. Miracle on 34th Street. Yeah.

I want, oh my God. Yeah. You know what? Okay. By the way, Lifetime is doing like 30 Christmas movies or holiday movies. And I made a sort of loose plan to watch all of them. Whoa. This is great.

This is great. In what time span? I kind of was thinking as they air because they're going to be airing them all leading up to Christmas. But it starts kind of soon. And that's the part that stresses me out a little bit. But I was thinking like I need like things that make me feel joy and give me a sense of purpose. Yeah. And that's my plan is to watch all of those.

And I also had a plan to possibly get a halloween tree in my house that's like orange or black oh my favorite part about this is you said it like it was fully normal and then you weren't gonna get any any like talk back on it i'm getting a halloween tree's going to be orange or black. I'm getting a Halloween tree. Anyway, so the accolades of the film. Look, I had this idea last night, and I was on Instagram,

and I was looking at random vintage things on some account, and they had these Halloween ornaments, and I was like, like well that's fun but i wouldn't really want halloween ornaments on my christmas tree and then i thought i guess i need a halloween tree and then you search the hashtag on instagram and there's a lot of them right now you know they're really pinterest people like you know it's like those types who are making these and i could be one i'm not against it but it's like the type of you could pivot you know

yeah it's like if type of, you know. Yeah, it's like if I had six kids and I was like, every day is a holiday. I feel like I'm kind of into it. So I might start doing that as a thing. Wow, it really is. Wow, 29,000 posts on Halloween tree. Thank you. That's so fun.

Most of these are just Christmasmas trees with halloween ornaments that is the big problem i googled this though there are orange trees oh yeah are you gonna get a fake one yeah like a fake tree that's orange it's like tinsel i'm here seven feet tall wow seven feet tall wow but then i gotta buy all the ornaments but see this is the kind of thing i like traditions and so i feel like i would like to take that out every year and put that up that seems really fun to me this is funny because my mom used to have like trees and decoration for every single holiday and i always was like when does it happen and i'm seeing it happen with you right now. Oh my God.

Like what point in your life? Yeah. And I'm like, I can't wait till you've like tubs that you take out. And you're like, it's Halloween time. I have tubs. I've had tubs for years.

I have a Halloween tub. I have an Easter tub. I have a Christmas tub. This is just like next level. Like you don't understand. Like I love holidays and I always decorate for holidays, but, but I've kind of,

I haven't bought anything new in like a really long time I have like all these old decorations and now I'm like oh my god I can buy new decorations and that's like a hobby and that's fun have you talked about this before do you have a favorite holiday um we've never talked about this I I think Christmas for sure but Halloween's a close second look I already named already named it, but Easter's on the list. Like, I mean, I can get behind a Thanksgiving decoration, some harvest tableware. I'm not opposed.

I love it. I just found so many orange Christmas trees. Right? They're not that bad, like $150? No, it's not bad. And I mean, you're going to have it for the next 50 years. Yeah, you have it for forever. I'm here for this.

I can't wait to see your Halloween tree. Okay, I'm definitely doing it now that I said it. This was literally decided last night. I was like, I think I want to do this. And then it started filling me with endorphins. And I was like, yes. You've manifested it. I love it.

Do either of you care about holidays like decorating at all or no christmas only yeah yeah i'm not a holiday gal uh i don't like decorating and john will get very angry with me he likes to put up like a giant spider web and a spider for like halloween he loves getting candy for the trick-or-treaters although i did enjoy the trick-or-treaters this year one of them walked into my house and looked around and said i like it here and i was like you have to leave you can't live here you tiny little bag of bones you have to go wow that's a confident child i've never lived somewhere where i get trick-or-treaters like

i think my house last year got like a couple but then i just put out a bowl of candy and they took that yeah i mean i was about to be like maybe put a note on your door that's like trick-or-treaters come on over but i was like that is a trap well i realized no i realized that i have um i have a welcome mat that says go away as a joke. Oh, maybe they thought I was scary or something. Maybe I would think that if I was a little kid.

This year, replace it with like a little pumpkin mat and then maybe well this year, I don't know. Do you really want little Corona trick-or-treaters? Yeah. It's optimistic. I think it's canceled. I saw it on the LA Times. Wow.

Halloween is a no-go. But I think the next level of my decorations, though, is buying different mats. That's like really next level. If I have a Halloween welcome mat that I put out and then I have a Christmas mat. My mother did. Look, it's not out of the realm of possibility.

No, not at all. And I think it's very sweet. I love it. Look, it's not out of the realm of possibility. No, not at all. And I think it's very sweet. I love it. I love it. Now I'm going to have to get a storage unit. I would love if you had a storage unit that you drove to to go get your decorations. Like that is fully next level. I could see this so clearly.

Oh my God. I just love it. Should we read a little bit of trivia? Yes. Oh, and by the way, well, let's say that the film was nominated for three Academy Awards. Best Visual Effects, Best Sound Editing, and Best Sound Mixing. And Benedict Cumberbatch

won the Britannia Awards British of the Year Award. And Ian McKellen won the Central Ohio Film Critics Association Award for Best Supporting Actor. That seems really niche. It's a very niche award show. He's like, I won an award in Ohio.

Like that for that movie. Does he know that he did? It's a huge movie. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good question. I hope he like loves that statue. And that's the one he's the most proud of.

Oh, that would be sweet. So Stephen colbert did have a small cameo i missed it he was he plays the eyepatch wearing spy lakewood spy who knocks on the door with a walking stick now i can see that it doesn't look like him it's just the no glasses i think yeah yeah that's it honestly his glasses are so defining um the only time legoland blinks is when he realizes he's been wounded and when Thranduil beheads the orc he's interrogating. He never blinks?

Did not clock back. That's something I would never have known. Just in keeping with the character and how he was written. In the original Lord of the Rings trilogy, the only time he blinks is when strongly surprised. Oh, well. That must have been annoying. Do you think that's because that's the

only time jr tolkien mentioned it or just or like there's some point that i've missed where he was like this elf never blinks i it's honestly probably just tolkien noting it they're like so that means he doesn't blink yeah or he or he wrote he blinks for the first time ever because he was strongly surprised also his contacts were so insane I was like you didn't have no acuvue these look wild they just didn't look

real I was like I had blue contacts that looked more realistic than those which is like saying a lot because they didn't look realistic the insult Thorin screams in Dwarfish at Thanderdal in Cuzzold. Oh, no. Translates roughly as, oh, my God, I dumped my feces on your head? Wow.

Okay. That's rude. Oh, I actually was going to ask about the fish, if they were real. Okay. The fish that were dumped in the barrels to hide Bilbo and the dwarves were actually real fish with a few rubber props mixed in. And at one point, Adam Brown, who plays Ori, that's Jimmy Fowley, had 400 pounds of fish dumped directly on top of him. Made even worse by the fact that Brown suffers from ichthyophobia, which is a phobia of fish. I'm sorry.

Fuck off with that. Don't make him get dumped on, man. That's like one thing. Like acting is nice and good and like an imaginary job that we're all lucky to be able to do. Yes. But like you cannot, you could shoot that scene without dumping 400 pounds of fish on a person. Yeah. 400 is a ton.

That's too much. Everything's CGI already. I had to get real fish thrown in my face in the wrong missy did you was that a real fish it was because they were supposed to have fake fish but then they didn't get it in time and so they literally chopped real fish and then he the prop guy was like soaking it in lemons to try to make it not smell bad gosh and i had fish bones in my hair and like all it was so gross but then they also cgi'd in like some fins and whatnot um so it like looked more the

whole thing it always makes you wonder they give you like time to prepare or was it day they're like we didn't we only have real fish soaked in lemons that's gonna hit you in the face he told me the day before but i thought he was kidding oh my god and i also thought they when i when he when i understood that it was real i was was like, oh, he'll get it by tomorrow. Like, it'll come in time and this will be worked out. Damn. And then I just had to do it, you know. But that is the thing.

It's like, so this guy, it's way worse for him. He's terrified of fish. Yes. And he's getting 400 pounds dumped on him. And he's in a barrel. And also, literally, there's like 100 elves or hobbits or whatever. Just put another person in there. Oh, boy. You didn't get real spiders. and also literally there's like a hundred elves like just or hobbits or whatever like just yes another person in there oh boy you didn't get real spiders right yeah well i don't know they

could find spiders that big they put them under a microscope where they gonna get them from i would love to meet the bug wrangler who has giant spiders that are bigger than humans it's like meet carl he's nice if you feed him people you have like bug wrangler who has giant spiders that are bigger than humans. He's like, meet Carl. He's nice. If you feed him people, you have like bug wranglers are the most interesting people I think I've ever met. Oh my God. Um,

most of the women who come out to see Biblo and the dwarves leave Lake town for Igor. They're actually tall male crew members. They're dressed up as women so they could give proper scale of humans to dwarves and Biblo. You couldn't find any women? That's interesting. I feel like the only,

like we had women who were dressed as men to be in the army. And they have men dressed as women to play women because they should be tall. It's a very fascinating

bunch of choices. So Peter Jackson has made a cameo in all the middle earth movies to date. And in the desolation of smoke, you can spot him at the beginning of the film reprising his fellowship carrot chomping role. As the camera sweeps through the town of Bree, Jackson walks across the shot,

turns to camera and takes a bite of a carrot. If you've ever wondered why a carrot, sure. I'm wondering right now, he was supposed to be smoking a pipe in the original fellowship cameo but on the day he was filming he felt a little sick so he picked up a carrot instead now this is the improv i'm talking about nothing has been planned he literally goes i don't feel great give me a carrot yes like k so wild no rules it's like you made a shot list just pick up the fucking pipe the desolation of smile is the

only movie in peter jackson's middle earth series it does not feature frotto gollum or l ron hubbard which means that gandy is the only character and ian mckellen is the only actor to appear in every single lord of the rings and hobbit films wow i have to go back to that carrot thing because i'm like okay you felt a little sick so you refused to pick up a pipe and your actor is terrified of fish and he was like dump it on him i don't know how i feel about that good point rude benedict cumberbatch suggested writing and reading the necromancer's black speech backwards and then having the editors reverse the recording to make it sound demonic and unholy you know that's one of those ideas that like nobody ever had to repeat you know it's he suggested it like it didn't it didn't happen people have bad ideas all the time they're like here's one thing he suggested it's like

you're adapting a book for children. Yeah. This book is for kids. It's like he heard that Missy Elliott song one time and he was like, that, that, let's do that. That was actually really terrifying to me. I think that would work here. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. Well, what a blast, as always.

Yeah. Again, at the end of this i'm like you know what i think i actually enjoyed this movie same same it's always fun ultimately yeah i'm glad to hear that karen do you have anything you want to plug um no well you can find me on twitter i guess at karen y han uh and i am about to be a new host on the podcast Let's Make a Music, where we take Twitter suggestions and turn them into new songs. Oh, cool. That's fun. That sounds cool. Nicole, do we want to announce your announcement that you're the new host of Wipeout with John Cena?

I'm hosting Wipeout with John Cena! How wild. I think it willipeout with John Cena. How wild. I think it will be on TBS in 2021 at some point. I'm really excited. It's going to be so cool. Yeah. And nailed it. I mean, is nailed it coming back or you can't say or what's the story there?

So the email I was sent was we start. We were going to shoot. Then the pandemic hit. We will shoot again when it's safe and good sure great I have a few things that I'm waiting for it to be safe enough and I sort of feel like that just means um another month passes and everyone's like let's just go yeah it doesn't just feel that's truly what like because I've known about Wipeout for months. Oh, wow.

And they were just like, I guess like waiting to be like, are we going to actually be able to shoot? Which is, you know, nice to wait till like, you know, things are possible. Yeah. But now, Lauren, I'm so curious about what you are going to tell people in a month. Oh, God, I know. It could be so exciting or not. I have no idea. So I'm truly living, you know, my life indoors and just podcasting away.

So my Patreon and Nicole's Patreon, go subscribe and help us, you know, keep living in this time. But other than that, I don't really have anything to plug. It's really just the Patreon, I guess. So, you know. You can plug Good Girls because you get those resigies. That is true. The wrong Missy. Every stream counts.

The more streams, the more likely maybe Lauren will be in something else that you'll love. Thanks. That's true. Same with Orange is the New Black. Every once in a while I get some foreign residuals for Orange is the New Black and I don't understand how the system works at all. Me either. I don't think I get any res residuals for Orange is the New Black, and I don't understand how the system works at all. Oh, me either.

I don't think I get any residuals for Netflix stuff. That's the thing. Like, there'll be these random little. Oh, I wonder if it's because I think it's a Netflix produced show, and if they licensed it out overseas to a non-Netflix thing, because Netflix doesn't, you know, stream there or something. I think then they get money to give you money. That makes sense. What a very insidery discussion. Well, you know what I love about it for everyone out there at home?

It's just another bit of proof that we don't know how we'll get paid or when. Yeah, I think people think I'm like telling a lie, but every time I get those resigies, I'm like, oh, money. Exactly. I'm truly like, oh, thank God. Like, it's so amazing. Because I haven't worked since March. The real 2020 tenant.

Yeah. It's wild. So we have our standard segment, the battle of the five stars, where we read five star reviews. Oh. Now, this one comes from Jakey RS, and the title of the review is is we swears on the precious that

we loves this podcast now i'm already mad i don't know about you because you hate you guys are killing it i'm loving your new season true story i'm not as big of an lotr fan as star wars but after listening to your latest episode i just had a dream where i was writing on the back of someone's denim jacket with a sharpie, crossed out the gray and wrote the white. I woke up in a cold sweat, terrified that this dream

makes me a nerd. Speaking of nerds, the students at UC Irvine back in the 60s or 70s named all their dorms after Middle Earth. You can live in Isengard and eat dinner at Pippin

named after the hobbit who likes to eat. What dorks. That's wild. Thanks, JakeyRS. That's an interesting fact. Why would you name one dorm after a place and then one dorm after a person?

And not all after a person? I agree. I find that just frustrating. It is frustrating. I mean, for me, who doesn't understand any of the names in this, I'd be like, I don't know. I'm going to eat out an elf

and live in a fucking boat. I don't know. Well, Karen, thank you so much for being here with us. That was so fun. Thank you so much for having me on. You really did help us love it even more. You did. And we'll be back next week with the third and final

installment of the Hobbit series. The Battle of the Five Armies. See you then. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.