Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - The Rise of Skywalker - Watchalong

Episode Date: March 9, 2021

Join Lauren Lapkus and her quarantine buddy/husband Mike Castle on their watchalong of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5-Stars on Apple PodcastsAdvertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Hey guys, Lauren Lapkus here. What you're about to experience is a watch-along to one of the many Star Wars movies I watched for the first time for the first season of Newcomers. My quarantine buddy, also known as my husband, Mike Castle, and I recorded our thoughts and you can sync us up to the movie and it's like we're all hanging out. If you want more fun watch-alongs like John Wick and a goofy movie, a walk to remember, blank check, or some improv, lots of improv, check it out on my Patreon at patreon.com slash laurenlapkus. Enjoy! Slap time Slap time Slap time With Lauren Lapkus Ate it

This is lap time And This is that I don't even know the next lyrics This is the story of Star Wars And we are about to watch The Rise of Skywalker It has a 52% splat

On Rotten Tomatoes, according to this iTunes rental we've done. Remind me what that means. 52% means it only... No, no, the splat. It's bad. Oh. You want it to be fresh tomatoes to be a likable feature.

So let's turn the subtitles on and turn this off, and we'll tell everyone when to start. You just started going for it like you don't remember the rules of the game. Look, I'm just trying to make things happen here today. You're doing great. We have a major crunch time because I am recording the episode about this in exactly as many minutes as this movie is. So we have to go.

Okay. In three. We'll say that it's at three seconds in. It's not letting me rewind for some reason this is just the story of our lives at this this is zero okay three two one go a little loud maybe let's do a different film ltd this is a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Now I know it's the past.

I've picked up on that. God, I'm going to scream. What do we think on volume? Turn it down just a dot. How's that? Episode X. The Rise of Skywalker. The dead speak.

The galaxy has heard a mysterious broadcast and a threat of revenge in the sinister voice of the late Emperor Palpatine. General Leia Organa dispatches secret agents to gather intelligence while Rey, the last hope of the Jedi, trains for battle against the

diabolical First Order. I like Rey. Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren rages in search of the Phantom Emperor, determined to destroy any threat to his power. I like that. rages in search of i'm always like that too i'm always on that where's the milk i need it for my cereal i'm picturing myself with uh adam driver's bosom while i'm raging. Heaving. Yeah.

Did you guys listen to the fan fiction episode this week of Newcomers? We wrote about Kylo Ren's body in depth. Oh, I'm always amazed or surprised, I guess, when it starts in space like this. I guess my feeling is get there faster. I believe, and I don't remember where i read this but all these movies start with um like the writing process they first say exactly how many hours long it's gonna be and then they go all right well how do we meet that yeah this looks cool

he's mad or raging do you think those are supposed to be people that have eyes like the characters that look like that or are there people in costumes like the in the movie oh or something in costume it could be aliens in costume they're in costume it's not how they look no this is like their battle

this is their uniforms that's definitely not how they look. You can just like tell it's clothing. You're saying their skin doesn't look like clothing? I mean the eyes that are red beads that stuck through. That's how they see through. I bet they have like an internal like, you know, user interface in there. Is this his guts aggro crag?

I don't even know that. You don't get that? Some people will really like that. Oh, damn. I love this. I don't even know that you don't get that some people will really like that oh damn I love this how you've passed me so hard in this world of star well no aggro crag is from guts the Nickelodeon show from when we were kids

oh don't we have that upstairs yeah so I was like that's his piece of the aggro crag I see I see you thought it was a Star Wars reference sick that could definitely be the name of like a worm That's his piece of the aggro. I see. I see. You thought it was a Star Wars reference. I did. Sick. Yeah. That could definitely be the name of like a worm someone keeps as a pet.

Agro Craig. Introduce him to my aggro Craig. uh where does it go at wait what there's like weather underneath this thing. That's cool. Yeah. You gotta admit it. Fuck it. Pretty sure it was just on this level in Jedi Fallen Order.

Cool. Yeah. Sneaky. Oh, I always forget that his cool yeah Snooki oh I always forget that his like leader guy is named Snooki that's where Snooki got her nickname she loves Star Wars

I made Snooki Is that what their skin looks like? Ew, what? Have you seen this? No. Oh. This is actually the first time we've watched one of these where i've seen none of it know nothing about it typical

oh nice let's go with no light for this guy you're gonna try to kill senator palpatine my dog it's not gonna happen you think that dead eye is gonna react to a laser beam what's a laser beam it's a star wars thing yeah it actually looks really youthful. Yeah, I will say his hands look younger than I expected. Okay, look at his hands and I say he's like 3,000. Look at his face, I'm like 9,000.

So he's like erecting this through the ground with his hands? Is that what I'm to understand? I guess. So these technological things get made underground then. Huh? I can't believe you've never seen Lord of the Rings.

Are these like dreamers? Those little sailboats in the sky. Keep going. those little sailboats in the sky keep going I can't believe how much the word for father in German is Vata every time I see Vader I'm like

come on y'all look most people don't know that in America I don't know that in America. I don't know about that. I feel like there's a high-speaking German population in America. Whatever. No, you're right. I'm just being a brat. Vata.

You're being a father? Yeah. Whoa! He's like, I love this little game they're like studying to see if his brain works still nothing his eyes look so real and raw in there they are real

I know it's just scary that's creepy. That looks very uncomfortable. Yuck, when did they get that thing? Oh my god. No offense. It's actually really cute. I wish I could see like a thing of like all celebrities on a spectrum like that look like each other. So it's just like a spectrum from like oscar isaac to

jake johnson to like uh mark ruffalo you know they just like put everyone in a row from and they've sort of like changed one little thing and it's the next person that's great or or you start with you you change one thing to have them all have it in common like you give all of them buscemi eyes and then you see like, actually, if they all had Buscemi eyes, I can't sell them apart at all. Yeah.

But I do like the idea of just seeing like the sort of evolution of human beings that like Sony who will end up looking alike. It's just so weird. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. I like my idea more as well. That's cool.

Okay. idea more as well that's cool okay he was like god you think how far poe dameron has come you think chewy oh wait no wait brushes his hair turn it down i think brushes his hair. Turn it down, I think. The movie. I do think Chewie brushes his hair. Wait. No, wait. Who's Poe? Is Oscar Isaac Poe? And then, wait, what are they? Finn.

That's what it was. How far Finn has come, I meant to say, y'all. I don't even know. Remember when he was in this little shooter chair before and he was scared. He was like, what do I do?

I'm so scared. I kind of feel like me. I just go fucking light speed right then. Well, it's like, how thick is that ice wall? It doesn't matter at all. We're going gonna zoom through it

exactly that was cool looking yeah a lot of this feels like you know homages to solo yeah it's total throwback that's fun they're just leaping in and out of light space or light speed what the fuck that little alien squid thing they have in their cockpit was like wait it's friendly he was like having such a reaction oh

this is cool. Cute. This is how I feel when I meditate. Once a year. Keira Knightley. All the rocks hit her. Whoa. That was like right out of hook now this is cgi right i was gonna say in the last time we did one of these wives long as we talked about when they were going to use cgi for her and i definitely right now is it yeah because this movie came out 2019 but did but was it like they didn't finish

her part and so some of it cgi and some's not i sort of think that was it probably one oh although i feel like i looked this up for the last movie so i have to look that up again i don't remember this is pretty cool though it's like her training sesh anytime a kid is like playing by themselves and they're like and then over there and there's you're coming over and that's what that girl's they all picture that they're doing what what she's doing yeah grandpa I saw this online he like really makes out with this mask right now

he like tongues in every single one of its holes what part of the online universe did you see that in Pornhub deep she dancing don't attack with rage probably animal crossing that tree fell down oh yeah you have to use your flimsy lightsaber

if you don't want the trees to fall down. Whoa. I've crossed over into pure nerd territory to make a joke like that now. True, true. No! A little help? No! Beep boop bop boop, beep boop choop.

BB-8, that's not true I love that we can't rewind This is like my favorite movie so far Same I haven't heard a word I don't know why I do kind of like this one the best It's got like

Which is the Star Wars that has the Ewoks and shit in it? That is... Return of the Jedi. Okay. It's got a similar whimsy that that one had. Or is it Empire Strikes Back? Someone at home is clawing their face out,

screaming the answer. It's whatever the last one is right the last one is you know what i don't know the answers to any of these questions i'm sorry that i'm posing well because it's hard to you put me on the spot because that wasn't cool i should quote unquote no because i did quote unquote talk about these things but sure my memory doesn't fully retain everything i've got i've got like 50 i i have just like a black hole where star wars is even though my oldest brother's obsessed with it and i've seen all the movies except you know these newer ones i feel like me and nicole should play a game on newcomers where we have to answer questions that

should be like an episode at the end that's true we would be so bad, though. I think together we could figure it out. CP230. That's Nicole talking about C3PO. This, so far, seems like the most fun one to shoot. Yeah, it's got good exotic locations. Yeah, it's not all in the desert. Wait, are they going to have banter?

Something's going to go down, but I don't know. I heard some... I heard a bit of a spoiler about this movie. The choreography of how they're holding one another. It's great. What was that? acting is a very strange sport it's fun totally expressive faces on all of the autofocus extras

everyone's back oh yuck oh that guy from lost i call him charlie i call him broda broda i love c3p looks like a fucking Easter candy What's that other guy's name? Greg Grunberg Wow I got it as I was trying to Yeah the guy who's in the plane Who's in the plane? In Lost

Maybe Yes yes yes The pilot? Yeah Didn't he go to school at JJ rooms? Yeah I think they like went to camp together as kids yeah and then he was in felicity and then and he's not in this right i just what we just just saw him oh i didn't see him i just said oh and there's greg grunberg

they're like and they're reminding me of greg gunnberg you're just talking about people there's me yeah why'd you put your glasses back on, babe? They're kind of hurting. Okay. This can't all be fake with her. You don't know that. Alright. If I could just learn to read

any of this. I mean, define fake they have thousands of hours of footage of her but she's not standing there right now acting opposite Keira Knightley you really think that I really do can you google it please out of respect to those at home I don't have my phone Can you Google it, please? Out of respect to those at home, I don't have my phone. Okay, I'll get it. Well, I guess I can use my computer. I'm really happy we didn't watch this last night yeah we were gonna do this last night

we were in bad moods and we were really tired well I was drunk and I was in a bad mood and it was gonna be really painful and bad and I think we would have gotten really mad and I think we would have been mean on the recording.

Totally. They're spelling R2. That has confused me. A-R-T-O-O, but it's R2-D2. It's not R2. But they call them R2. Yeah, but when I read it, they should just write it the letter r on the number two that would make more sense i feel that subtitles are always like outsourced

to someone that has nothing to do with the project yeah maybe but it feels like for something like this there's so many weird names and stuff that they would have to get it right. And yet. You're telling me she's not hugging her right now. Yeah, I'm telling you she's hugging someone else. Just Google it. I'm working on it, but I take my time. Whoa, a single tear. I love when the original guys are back Chewy, 3P, R2 Ugh

My outfit fell off Wouldn't you lose like tons of respect and interest for Kylo Ren if that nasty hand we just saw was his yuck or that was his mouth is that what is is that a monkey they don't like to be called that

they're called like Clark Clark's oh I'm kidding I've never seen whatever that is my life other than in Labyrinth. It looks like a gremlin, but made big. What is this one called? The Rise of Skywalker? Mm-hmm.

Ew. What? What? Donal Glacial. He looks better. He's he looks better he's looking better they did something like they didn't like give him like the purple lips they were giving him before or the character is glammed up a little bit

I just think he has like more natural makeup on well the hair is a little bit you know it's differently quaffed yeah it looks better yeah You know, it's differently clothed. Yeah, it looks better. Yeah. Jesus going hunting for the scavenger okay so the footage of older Leia was taken from the

unused footage of the force Awakens. Whoa. JJ Abrams said, we weren't going to recast. We couldn't do a CG character. We looked at the footage we had not used in The Force Awakens, and we realized we had a number of shots that we could actually use. It was a bit like having a dozen pieces of a jigsaw puzzle

and then having to make other pieces around it and paint a cohesive image from these separate pieces. Yeah, I guess it is like that. Well, that's pretty crazy that they did that. Yeah, it's truly... What is this dance performance they're doing? This is like Burning Man.

What? What? This is cool. Whoa. Look at those little babies oh boy she's like I think I do want to be a mom I don't have one. is she seeing that in her head yes Has she seen that in her head? Yes. By the time you answered, I understood that she was.

That's cool. That's a nice new skin for that helmet mhm mhm come on man don't talk about his dad he has veins in his helmet yeah they're pulsating um whoa maybe oh i love that i gotta tell ya Don't snatch my necklace From my tass Speaking of maybe don't Kevin Bartelt

He's probably listening right now I'm doing the podcast Tomorrow He's like dancing All around the house He's in right now Cause we just said his name And the podcast name

Maybe don't Oh wait There's That guy For some reason I like that guy is he in um that movie oh yes he was that we both did not like wait no we were supposed to like I think I

did like that movie oh then we're not talking about the same okay what are you talking about la story is what I'm talking about oh yeah no he was in that isn't he in that movie with Melissa McCarthy oh yeah can you ever forgive me? I like that. I never saw it.

Oh. Yeah. You're right. No. L.A. Story I didn't like. Yeah. Come at us. We wanted to like L.A. Story.

I thought I was going to love L.A. Story. And we hated every. I hated every second of it. I think it just really doesn't hold up. It's simply not funny or interesting. It might have been at the time. That's my only critique. I can't believe that. It used to be Donald Glover. Yeah, so they waited 40 years

for him to look like that. Yeah, this is his boyhood. Yeah. Whoa, sweet watch. His life. That was an image of a aggro cag. It's like her as an image of a aggro crack.

Oh, very cool. It's just right for the tool. Hello. When you're not in this context and you're just using that watch in your day to day, imagine how many foibles you get into. Well, here's my thing. Oh, oh no it's a picture of my butt okay it's from the past

yeah but so long ago that it's basically the future like but photographs were invented later look I don't think these are these aren't even related to human beings so we share no narrative with them whatsoever they just look like humans yeah in the randomness of the universe

I believe that could happen. Okay, I'm scared. Everybody, you should Google the Fermi Paradox. Can you just tell us? it's just like so complicated but it's it's this thing about like why we haven't interacted with uh intelligent alien life okay it's pretty interesting oh look at that thing it's an old elephant made of metal i think of it as the original well it's what God designed

ours on why what do they do I don't know but you know how fun it would be to hop in that thing and just zoom away in the reality of it yeah yeah that'd be awesome i miss doing stuff oh my god yeah just like cruising through the desert chasing someone just just when she was normal like i just miss like zooming into the sky on my jetpack yes i miss when people think you're falling off of whatever vehicle you're on

but actually no you're using your jetpack to fly above it i really miss that yeah sam i mean that looks cool just picture like when they would show the first cut of this to you know like a test audience how many times people in the test audience right i mean that's a skew i like that part how long is it oh wait that's cute and they measure just how many times someone said, dad, execute over the course of the six hours of the original cut. Oh, no. Don't you always feel like, oh, man, that guy's going to perish. Yeah, he's gone. You mean when she

shot him and he blew up into a bunch of flames? Yeah. Okay. If you were in this movie which character is most similar to let's say how you see yourself okay how i see myself yeah yeah like i think i would probably be c-3po well see i was gonna be c-3po oh that's that's really hot for us to yeah like i think i would probably be c3po well see i was gonna be c3po oh that's that's really hot for us to both but i think i would like to be ray but i know oh yeah yeah exactly but there's no chance that i am um i am the old footage of leia being repurposed you're the body that they cgi'd it on top yeah I'm the person she hugs that you never see yeah but you were probably really chatty on set

I've actually done a lot of work on big films yeah you name all the actors you've worked with um yeah like obviously I wish I were Poe or like Kylo Ren but it's more likely I would be the sand or that guy's jet pack I'm

literally someone who like works in the market that you don't really notice. Yeah. Uh oh. Ooh. I like how that looks. It's quicksand. Will this agony ever end? This is, that's scary.

For me, because it looks like coffee beans, kind of looks like fun. See, I think it looks like bullets and I'm scared. You think it looks like coffee beans kind of looks like fun see I think it looks like bullets and I'm scared you think it looks like bullets BBs pellets I'm trying to watch there's Greg Greg I can't believe I did a web series with her

that's so weird the girl that everyone was I was like Carrie Fisher and I don't know her name that girl who was in the first one that girl from is it Kelly Marie Tran

yes yes yes yes yes oh this is kind of fun this is like very honey I shrunk the kids yeah it's also very um Harry Potter they're like caught in like roots or some shit and then they fall through and they're in like the chamber under the school or some shit.

Okay. Look, someone is listening and they're going, I don't know what he means. They fall on the thing or some shit and they go on the gun or some shit. I use a lot of key descriptors. I said roots or some shit and then they go under the school or some shit.

Anyone who's a fan of the Harry Potter franchise will go, yes, Ron was struggling to get through and then they did the light or fire spell or some shit. Alright, I'm going to go use the bathroom um let me know what happens all right i won't please he's like perhaps we find the driver i mean adam driver of course The bones. There he is. Okay, but who's Ochi? Ochi. So she's like a psychic because i don't feel like other jedis have like used their skills to

predict things like in that same way or to read items fazillion items. Fazillion? Yeah. That's not cool. Don't need a translation. That thing was amazing. Ooh, it's like the strangest things goo in the world. Just kill it. He's actually a really good person.

I can feel it. Ugh. He's scared. He's been through a lot of really hard stuff. It feels good. I'll go away. She understands me. She's like a vet. there's something so uncool about these guys and they think they're so cool and that's that's carrying BB-8. Thank you. Hey, dude, we're about to take off. So if you want to get on the old...

Dude. It's so funny to watch him run. He's just a guy. Bye. What? Oh, no. He got in trouble. Oh, no. She's very cool. do you guys think mike is going pee or poo whoa what what that was amazing.

Okay, this is the best Star Wars movie so far. Oh my god. He's like, um, why'd you do that? Ooh, a little game of tug-of-war. I personally want her to win. A lot of really cool stuff has happened, Mike. You actually miss. I'm not kidding. I decided this is my favorite one. Whoa, look at that.

She did like a kickflip in the air with her lightsaber and sliced off as part of a big spaceship wow she's like we're all powerful now yeah wait what is going on we got like arrested by the bad guys and taken into a thing and she was trying to get him back and then she knocked off the side of his thing and he just got out and he's like could you not and then she's like um still cares about you okay so he's in love with her what was happening

definitely but he thought it was hot that she cut off the side of his thing and then like wanted to battle they're both like brimming with oh yeah they want extremely brimming with want. Extremely. I wish she'd said it like that one baseball announcer. Chewy go. I don't know.

It's my only notes over. Her eyes are as wide as Ramona's walking down that catwalk oh I feel like you would enjoy the movie attack the block I think I said that two movies ago okay I feel like it's John Boyega's breakout role no actually I guess Star Wars would be his breakout role it'd be cool if

Donald's character took us through his glam routine right now. So in the morning when I wake, I first put ice on my face to reduce puffing. But his face looks more normal than it usually does. I use mousse to help my hair stand. What it wants to do is fall. They let him be cuter in this one. Yeah, he's definitely cuter.

That's comedy in this world. Yeah, the Star Wars universe, that's considered a pratfall. He didn't die. They just don't know that yet. I kind of always think of the characters in Star Wars as kind of being like theater kids. Like they're all looking for something to be mad and dramatic about. So Chewie being gone, they're like, look, what does that mean? Then you guys are going to replace me next.

No, it's fine. Like he's dead. He's not. We don't know if he's dead. He might as well be dead. I wish He's dead. We don't know if he's dead. He might as well be dead. I wish I was dead. It has to be a different name than droid smith. Thank you. oh i like the commitment to um the aesthetics of good and bad were that ship when they were making it they're like well are we bad guys i'm like yeah and they're I like the commitment to the aesthetics of good and bad.

Where that ship, when they were making it, they're like, well, are we bad guys? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, all right, make it red thrusters on the back. Mm-hmm. And then this one, that's for the good guys. Go ahead and make that blue. You got a pet. It looks like the thing from the Brave Little Toaster.

Yeah, or it's like the mechanized version of the lamp at the beginning of the Pixar thing. It's probably that since this is after Disney bought it. They're like, we have to use that Pixar lamp somewhere. It's like how in Roger Rabbit they had to make those. make those okay well i was clearing it up for those at home was i Oscar Isaac kind of looks like he's the Virgin Mary and he's like trying to find where they're going to sleep tonight

they're like basically using those jackets you get when you do like a night shoot and they're like here stay warm here's this giant jacket where is this oh oh Can't wait to see what it's going to be. Uh-oh. I'm a good guy now. Show me Kylo Ooh Or some other faceless baddies

Ugh Oh Back in my old stomping grounds i just think oh man look at that guy i was just thinking uh if we were actually going to be in this that was where we would have been oh yeah for sure i would have been like one of those passing like they just passed me by i would have been that yeah the head the human looking head on that robot body what is up with this guy i always love how like smoky these work rooms are in these the Star Wars universe how what? how like smoky and kind of like

vaguely middle eastern it all feels who cares JK you know what I guarantee that's how it's spelled in the scripts that's what I'm saying yeah I'm like I think they did that but it confused me until I saw him

I didn't understand that's what you were saying. I know you weren't looking at the time, so. Why is he connected? It's literally the plot of this scene. It's literally what they're all talking about. I did look down briefly. Do you want to just tell me? I guess they're, like, going to power some shit by using his core and it's gonna erase

his memory and it's gonna or no it's gonna be used to like translate some fucking plans or something but in order to do it they wipe his memory I feel like the thing with these movies is like I can follow these littles that thing's great yeah i can follow these little scenes enough obviously i wasn't paying attention to that one

but i just mean okay that's a simple point but why is the whole thing happening oh oh that that's how i always feel with star wars is the overall plot. I never understand. Yeah. And then each new thing, I'm like, wait, what are they even trying to do? Oh, they have to get from there to there. Sure. OK, that little guy rocks. He's the best.

He really rocks. Would you know what I'm referring to? If I said he looks like he wants to say the galaxy is in Orion's belt. No. Men in black. I've never seen that wow you're missing out first one very solid second one good

rap section with biz marquee and Will Smith I probably know that part it's great it's in a post office he's always like kind of flirting although I guess they have some sort of sexual past I assume like Carrie yeah definitely Carrie Russell

is it 100% 100% here's why I'm sure Definitely Carrie Russell. Is it? 100%. 100%. Here's why I'm sure. J.J. Abrams uses her all the time. Felicity, Mission Impossible 3. Those are her eyes. She got those eyes. I read online that they didn't actually use her for any of the filming.

They just used pieces that they had already recorded for the Americans. And then they just kind of like cut it, cut her into it. I love the Americans. It's so good. I still think it'd be cool to be in one of these movies As Nicole and I say all the time Yeah But I wonder if like just saying you don't like some elements

Of it makes you ineligible Honestly whenever Something's like that then I just go You guys are babies Yeah It's okay to say something is silly cast me i'll be the i'll be one of the arms hanging from the ceiling in here every time she's ochchi is she saying? I mean that's what I'm reading you know

Yeah Oh he's evil now? Okay, I want that little guy. I want that guy just running around our house all the time yeah i made coffee it's like i didn't picture him being helpful oh really i imagine that he'd be helpful but it's all at like a cost like he's like i made coffee and then you go into the kitchen and he's he's like there's grounds everywhere yeah and he's like, there's grounds everywhere. Yeah. And he's like, turn the microwave into something else.

Don't worry. We just have the length of a feature film left. Great. It's gotta be so hard to start acting like how she's acting right now, where suddenly she can like, she's like connected into the force and she can like see stuff and she's like staring yeah he's on the ship

I'm Bobby Frick I love that guy yeah I really love him as well this movie's doing a really good job of like mixing together the old and new styles I really like it I think it looks the best of all the movies

well I mean isn't that like naturally going to be the case when it's newer you know well no because i like the older ones better than a lot of the middle ones sure sure well the middle ones are just bad but i mean in terms of the style and cgi is what i'm talking about. I see. He did just say to her, can I kiss you? To Keri Russell. You didn't see it. There's tension there.

He said, can I kiss you? And then she goes, no. So yeah, there's tension. Yeah. So yeah, you could say there's tension. I glanced at my phone for one second. I missed that. Well, that's the thing.

When you look down during these movies, you don't know if you're going to miss something important or something useless. Like. It feels like things take forever. But then the second you look away. It is truly the second you look away. I can't believe I can't go to Disneyland anytime soon. Yeah. Sucks. I'm so sad Nicole and I didn't do our Disneyland episode before all this. Totally. You guys are going to do that in January. Yeah. Sucks. I'm so sad Nicole and I didn't do our Disneyland episode before

all this. Totally. You guys are going to do that in January. Yeah. It's okay that you're here that's a good joke totally I don't know why it feels like too contemporary that they're shooting out cameras.

Hmm. Wait, what? What's the dagger? She found it in the sand when you were in the bathroom peeing. Sorry that that pee took nine minutes. So she found it and it's basically why Chewie got stolen and captured. Okay. What kind of sick shit do you think they're

doing to Chewie in there dude it's not good everything's normal here I liked that. I mean, armor is it's simply useless yeah it shoot they are able to shoot right through them and they're like instantly I guess it's the same as if any of these three got shot yeah I mean

it's just it's nothing except they can run more easily yeah exactly and if they get shot they don't die yeah I was like I'm all good I'm not wearing armor. Oh, man, if only Ray were here. She could trick him into thinking that they're all happy they're there.

They just become that dance number from the mask. Chick Chicka Boom Chick Chicka Boom Chick Chicka Boom. Mm hmm. This is nice. This part looks like it's designed by Apple. It looks so clean. The genius bars over there. How do you have an appointment?

No, I was just hoping since no one's here that you could... Well, no one's here. No, but you don't have an appointment, so you have to go. I just thought since... You have to go, ma'am. She's touching me. This woman's grabbing my arm. No, I'm not. This woman wants to grab my arm. The dagger. I mean, talk about analog

technology. Talk about it. Talk about analog technology. Talk about it. Talk about pop music. Let's give them something to talk about. A little analog to talk about. You're hard to find. You're hard to get rid of. we have the volume turned down so that we can record this and ever so often i i think i hear them say something that will be insane like she just turned

and he said you're going to find out who you really are and I very much felt like she just said cookie so wait he is there oh nice Villanelle whoa

and a guy who was probably in Game of Thrones oh he's got swag right now so does does she. This is awesome. This is an interesting device they've found for having them fight in two places at once and having a vague physical crossover between the actions. Dornal is looking good. Oh, right. You said it's like tonal.

Yes, I watched a video of him. It's 14 minutes long and it's all just about how to pronounce his first name. you know that there's like a physical set that looks like both of those two places like at once that's awesome you know I mean like there's like a physical set that would be like half this

half whatever that market is for at least some sequences of filming it. Whoa, that was cool. That would look cool as fuck. That's my grandpa's helmet. I mean, still having that Vader mask is basically collecting Nazi memorabilia. Actually, shoot them in their butts. Whoa!

What? Major reveal. Donald. whoa what major reveal donald donald is the spy that's good we'd love to see it that's why he looks healthier his conscience is better maybe you just wanted to confirm that he looks better because you think he's hot the other films he's literally unattractive and I'm his biggest fan it's so crazy because I'm like so that should wrap up in 30

minutes I know I keep thinking another hour and 15. You know, I'm a diehard Lord of the Rings guy. He just said he's a spy.

Oh. Oh, it's on the name. Maybe it was good he asked him dude give me a boss battle a fucking to light the sky right now i think today's the day i'm gonna eat that mint kit kat bar that i've had for like two months. Nice. Man, I wish we were in Japan. I wish we were in Japan.

Yeah, I know. I misspoke. I wish we were able to go outside. Anyways, it's cool. It's weird how right now it's so hot and sunny outside and you go out there and you're like, yeah. I know.

outside and you go out there and you're like yeah i know oh that's a solid reveal i dig that i dig that i dig what although he should yeah i guess he did deliver it you are a palpatine instead of you are my mother was your father was the son of the Wow. What Palpatine doesn't know is you're a dyad in the forestry. Dude, that's not what. Just jump. You'll live. It'll be fine. Trust me. he's a hottie for sure he knows that was what that face was saying he's like i'm he's such a strange looking man for sure i mean it works of course as the whole world agrees

well i kind of feel like attractiveness is also strange. Like when someone is attractive, you could equally say they're strange looking like that. There are proportions that make someone attractive. I think also can make them quite strange looking. There's a lot of technology in these movies in different ways than we're used to. Like how in the last one, Laura Dern did that thing where they like went at light speed and like shot through those other ships Queen Purple Hair yes sorry

Queen Purple Hair nice jump so he's lying to them yes but not to us his bandage looks like the So he's lying to them. Yes, but not to us. His bandage looks like the Japanese flag. Oh, snap. Oh, my God.

Wow. Dang, too bad. Yeah, actually, not too bad. Who cares? He was a dick, you you know you think he's dead 100% he was shot in the chest at close range

she looks like an iPad drawing. Your veins are showing. then they put in a wipe it's like okay yeah he's going the speed limit huh huh love that shot that was cool why BB-8 has that little pet now is strange why BB-8 has that little pet now

is strange. Why BB-8 has that little pet now? Is strange. So why BB-8 has that little pet now is strange. Yes. Okay. No, no, no. You know, really think about it. That was a complete sentence. It's fine.

I just liked it if it stopped sooner. I don't think you did like it. I actually don't think you did like it. I think you wanted to rip on it. Now that's a cool bag. She's like my messenger bag. Yeah. It looks so plasticky.

I basically guarantee it's metal. That's what I'm saying. Like, I know that it's not. It just looks fake. I see. Wouldn't you agree? I suppose. It's so gray.

She's like, this is like basically a compass. Kind of like a protractor, though, too. It just points right where you need it to. When you line it up with the thing that you want to line it up with. Yeah, right. It doesn't really mean anything. Were we just learning from that? Whoa, who's that? What's happening?

I love how those waves look behind. Look at the hair on the horse. Ew, look at his little eyes. I guess it's not a horse. It has tusks. Yeah. It's cool, though. I like that kind of modification.

Same. Did you ever see Avatar? I did. I mean, no, I didn't. They did a thing i didn't i didn't as you said i did i i still was gonna explain because i knew you were you were lying i don't know why they did a thing where it was like all the alien animals that would look like horses it's like it's a horse but uh it has six legs didn't everyone make fun of that movie so much when he opened it also people were like it was so beautiful no i feel like people just loved it i guess people

did a lot of stuff where they dressed up like blue people i feel like i saw ben stiller you know what i mean? That kind of thing. Just some playful ripping. Thank you. Did you have some audio on your phone just now? No. Okay. What? What do you mean you say exactly what I want you to say? Basically like a catamaran, I guess. They call it a skimmer. Yeah, catamaran sounds cooler, though.

Yeesh. You think that water's cold or hot? It's probably boiling hot. That'd be awesome. let's give him something to talk about a little mystery to figure out so why is this um you know the end of dexter suddenly but yeah you're right dexter has really get that dexter heads love it it's like hurricane andrew or something And he's like I'm out of here Dude honestly Give me a limited

Like single season Follow up Dexter I'd love six Solid episodes Just kill kill kill saran wrapping people That's fun. That looks like a fun exercise she's doing right now.

Yeah, it's like your rock wall. Yeah, exactly. But she's good at it. Oh, nice. So, can you tell me what's going on? Me? Yeah. Like, what is the ship?

Why does it matter? No. Is this where her parents died or something? No, because then they die on the desert sort of land where she was hiding in that cave. No, no, no. That wasn't her. That was in Rogue One. That wasn't her? Wait, wasn't that in Rogue One that you're talking about?

When she's like underground and Forrest Whitaker comes and all that that was her no that was not that was Felicity Huffman or whatever god damn it Felicity Jones Felicity Jones Felicity Huffman ugh no I thought her parents we just found out who her parents were they were the Senator Palpatine's...

No, but he goes, he killed my mom and dad. Palpatine. Killed my mom and dad. All right, I'll just keep watching and see if it makes more sense. Palpatine didn't. The dad was stabbed. They showed it. Look, I'm not following any of this, so...

I want to know, but I don't think we are going to figure it out by talking to each other. That's basically how I feel. Yeah, that's probably very true. I don't know. Whenever there's reflective surfaces You know some crazy Jedi shit's gonna happen

Someone's gonna put the smack down The aqua pack It's floating in the sphere Snatch Oh That's what I'm talking about this is the jedi shit i'm talking about she sees her evil self she looks she looks like a little more fit a little happy in the bad side yeah doesn't she she's chill whoa yucky jk oh yeah the crag oh what's up my guy uh that's not where this goes

it's supposed to be floating in that other room okay they better f marry or kill yeah they should just f right now and then fight cool how he relates someone to control the force with someone to hand me the crag to fight me in here being Kylo okay okay being Kylo no dude

he's just asking for it now but he you know he's showing how strong he is this is like one of those couples were like they set each other off so they can fuck yeah exactly he's like dancing around really excitedly he knows she's gonna hate that This is like one of those couples where like they set each other off so they can fuck. Yeah, exactly. He's like dancing around really excitedly. He knows she's going to hate that when he crushes that thing. Yeah, eventually she's going to get him in a headlock

and they're going to start making out. Where's he been? I was going to say, it seems almost random that he's in this. She's like, I'm from another movie. Where are my glasses oh they're on my head wait who is that again Lupita that's dope

this is cool looking what must that look like from the shore so now they took a skimmer over there as well can people in this world drown no I mean i assume yes it'd be cool though like this alien water somehow like has a higher concentration of oxygen molecules or something in it so you can breathe underwater happy tight whoa

it'd be funny if he couldn't really do it and he just fell right in wow but he could like really do it he got ahead of her man they want to hook up so bad she's stronger than you my guy it's all good yeah you can leave her.

She'll be fine. Yeah. Did you see how she jumped, like, a mile? Yeah, yeah, exactly. On one level, it's like, just go join the dark side and do all his shit. Seems kind of fun. Yeah, it does. It seems definitely sexier.

Wow. it seems kind of fun yeah it does it seems definitely sexier wow what's like a is there an inverse Bechdel test where like I think every movie is that and then the Bechdel test is well no I'm saying like

like does does Finn ever say anything that doesn't have to do with her like he's always talking about the woman. But it is also sort of maybe low-key sexist because he's like I have to save her even though she's way stronger than him. Whoa, love that. Let's just stop this and make out.

Don't you like my hair wet? Kiss. Moment of levity. She's like, my hand's all crampy. Do you ever get that with your hand all crampy? You know, in like the lightsaber? It's like because my thumb but then my pinky i feel like don't tell me if you know but i i like uh not knowing right now what the fan reaction was to this movie because i like it

totally i don't know at all i think this is the best one I try to not know the fan reactions to anything. This is the most... I'm the most engaged, and I would re-watch this one already. The only thing I know about this movie is actually about to happen. I literally just read it in my Vanity Fair... No way!

Nice! Holy! Oh, I didn't know that was going to happen. I literally just read it in my Vanity Fair No way nice Oh I didn't know that was going to happen Oh no See ya Kai What's the deal she just like felt that she killed leia by doing that she rest in peace

okay let me ask you on the empathy spectrum right now what are you feeling like i feel no empathy for him dying i actually feel like she shouldn't have killed him well it did feel like in that moment she kind of like sucker punched him almost she's gonna give him the life she gave the snake while you're in the bathroom she can do that gigantic snake that was gonna kill them and then she touched its wound and it went away because he gave it some force life. Oh, wow. Somehow we can see his voluptuous breast here. No, that was his wound.

I know. I'm saying... Well, I just want you to know that wound wasn't a nipple. I know. If you're wondering what a NordVPN is, I'll tell you. VPN stands for Virtual Private Network, a service that protects your internet connection and online privacy.

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N-O-R-D-V-P-N dot com slash newcomers. It's risk-free with Nord's 30-day money-back guarantee. Link is in the episode description. Please kiss. For once. Just kiss. You both are so down to fuck right now. It's just all I know about movies. Yeah, right. I don't know where any... None of this makes sense until they kiss.

Get married, have kids, and just do other things. you ever had an experience like this where you're like a bad guy for so long and then you suddenly wake up and you're like oh my god what have i been doing yeah like i just feel like after i i've killed so many and then i suddenly go kind of pull back and just see what i've been doing and it feels weird because for a while you go like hey look i just want to get good at this thing i'm doing which is like a natural progression killing and then when it turns around people are like wait what are you doing you're killing all those people you're like oh my god yeah i am so sorry about all that It's... That's just it

you can't I gotta say and I hope I'm not wrong about this in a moment but I like that they're not that they didn't have like Billy Lord being sad in that scene yeah I would have felt like

no that would have been really weird I'm the king of whatever nice hole we're gonna see han solo right now so many shots in these movies i just picture some super fan drawing you know what I mean like that shot just like I can just picture some fan drawing that exact whoa

daddy Whoa. Daddy. Daddy. So? This is triggering some dad stuff for me it's very sweet not a good look for him don't take it out on him that you're feeling emotional he's a wet baby he tries to kill the ghost nice he's a good boy now what right he's gonna be a good boy now what right he's gonna be a good boy now yeah cause he just said Kylo Ren is dead

get a fucking green lightsaber I'm all about that green saber yeah now you need a fun color cause you're not bad anymore ooh I would also get down with a yellow lightsaber what about you Lauren if I had one yeah mine might also be cyan

mine would be pink. Aww. Well, yeah. Yeah. You know, you didn't stop serving me. This is old war. It's all the same war. well yeah yeah you know you didn't stop serving me this old war it's all the same war when you're in this military it's all the same

war Thank you. I think many would be surprised to know there's still an hour left of the movie. It's shocking. It's like they just did everything in that hour and a half. If it ended in 15 minutes after Kylo Ren becomes good and like kisses her or something is going to happen. And then that would be so good. But now we have to do an hour. It's interesting. It's like they brought Dominic Monaghan in because he has experience with a long movie that seemingly never ends because he was in Lord of the Rings.

And it's specifically in the last one. Return of the King has like 15 endings like it keeps seeming like it's over and then they cut and there's another thing what Vigo's singing though? I love that I only watch it if it's the longest possible version

extended extended extended edition I see. God damn. god damn like so do they all learn the droid language in like grade school or something they're all so fluent in it they just know it's just inherent that's the part of the force they can all tap into yeah interesting robe this is her emo moment

yeah oh we're for sure here to get some Luke Skywalker shit my dude I told you that the porgs were added in because there was like Fuckers shit, my dude. I told you that the porgs were added in because there was like ducks or penguins or something around the island that they were shooting on that were in every background of the scene.

So they just like added them to make, to not have to shoot around them. What on earth he said he hated everything his character had to do in the last Jedi or something he like didn't agree with it initially like this stuff in the previous movie the last Jedi he like

didn't agree with a lot of this I can't remember what was something we talked about newcomers like he was like I don't think there and he's like I don't think any of this is what his life would have been like living on the island and so yeah it does seem pretty

random random. Thank you. it's layers yeah that's the thing this is the only thing i know this was like in that jjams article I was reading. Don't you just love the green Sabes? They're so classic. Whoa. it must be crazy for Carrie Fisher's ghost to like see herself in all these movies

yeah I totally agree must be crazy as fuck I don't like that they're doing it when Harry met Sally too and they're using her CGI for that. I think that's a little... Is it when Harry met Sally too and it was like everyone's their real age now? Yeah.

And they've all had all the plastic surgery and stuff. It would be so strange. Wait, what? So there's another one? What? wait what so there's another one the island's really making a lot of shit happen for for ray right now maybe they put in charlie because it's really lost-ish to have like the island like answering all these questions and creating new ones totally there's like a little dharma initiative thing on the side of that ship yeah Mike just shamed me for looking at my phone

and he goes why are you looking at it and I tried to mouth because I'm falling asleep and I think it's fair but I have to shame you because it's I just glance I have to glance away there have been I would say it within this movie six or seven hundred times I've glanced. I have to glance away. There have been, I would say, within this movie,

six or seven hundred times I've glanced over at you where you've been looking at your phone. And I would say there have been that many when you've been looking at yours. I just brought it out of here. And I go, that's who that is. This is what's happening. Oh, you missed this part. Right, right. But also, I don't have to know any of this. I'm just here to keep you company.

I know it. Just that I missed your Dharma Initiative joke. Don't make it like it's not coming from that personal territory for me. I'm sleepy. Actually, more than anything, I wasn't even trying to shame you. I was genuinely curious what you were looking at. Well, your face was shaming. Well, because my face had to be overly exaggerative or expressive for me to convey a message to you silently so that we wouldn't have to have this conversation.

What would be worse? What were you looking at? Answer. I want to know. I don't even know. Anything good? It's gone. I have no idea.

What if I was looking at... What if instead of looking at my phone, I had my eyes shut like I'm falling asleep? Then I would go, that's okay. I don't know how to let you sleep. Let her sleep. She needs to take a nap. Oh, my girl's tired. I go over and I would just kind of pet the top of your head.

Okay. Once and for all, I need those goggles. I've said it since I first saw him. Headgum, If you're listening Lauren needs those goggles They're not listening I know You're just sitting there texting Thank you. that's our chance

he feels like he is gonna break into a song at any moment okay obviously that's me billy lord i'm that thing back there and then they go like you gotta kill that slug guy and they're like you see a bad

guy he's just really annoying should i wait write like a Star Wars Side story about me as that Slug thing and how even though I'm on the side of the resistance They kill me just because I'm so annoying Yeah

They bring me to the place where they also need to kill Jar Jar Why did Chewie look like he was over Lando? I'm not even going to give him the time of day. They really like just reinvigorated the scene here. Okay, energy, energy. Go for almost an hour. I'd love to know about like behind the scenes drama

like who hates who who hangs out I was wondering that too I once sat next to Dominic Monaghan at a concert at whatever that like USC venue is

and it was him and, uh, Evangeline Lilly, who he was dating at the time. Whoa, they were together. Yeah. And there was a concert.

Bon Iver. It was tight. I have a guess about who you were there with. Oh, well, it's a pretty classic, uh, uh,

scenario. Who's your guess? I'm not going to say it, but's a pretty classic scenario. Who's your guess? I'm not going to say it. Don't say it. But importantly, I was alone. Oh, you were alone? Yeah. Oh, okay.

It's a weird experience, but I was there just a lot. Were you really? Yeah. But it was very strange, too, because I kept spotting all these like celeb types, like Logan Lerman was also like two seats over for me. I don't know who that is. Percy Jackson. But were you in a box? No. Oh, it feels like all these people would have boxes.

No, I know. Exactly. Oh, you weren't at Hollywood Bowl. You were at some other thing. Yeah, I said the USC whatever that place is. Yeah, I was picturing Hollywood Bowl. Oh. It's kind of like one of the last concerts I went to actually. It was when i first moved here wasn't that fun we went to the jane goodall documentary and we got to sit in the box and

then she came out and spoke she's fucking awesome that was so cool that documentary was really good it was is that Is that online? I'm sure it is. It's called Jane, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I literally have to sit up and forward and lean in to watch so that I pay attention. Yeah, I'm doing everything I can. For those of you at home, she has a sleep mask on and she's wearing a full body like walkable sleeping bag.

And I'm wearing I'm holding a candle stub. Why a stub? Because I use it every night little bit. Mike. Fine. Fine. honestly if this one got bad reviews star wars fans hate star wars that's just the takeaway yeah like because i'm starting to like like i like this one as far as you you know, they say I'm falling asleep. Yeah.

But that's all, that's just like baseline how I watch these movies. That's just how it goes. But also if they ended an hour before they do, I wouldn't fall asleep and I would like them more. This is just a fact. I can't watch things that are this long. I really want to do other stuff at this point,

but I would say if they hated this, then they just hate everything that they love and it's like you guys just cannot be pleased truly i agree i mean this has some bonkers shit going on they're like in space right now is that am i understanding that correctly I mean, this has some bonkers shit going on. They're like in space right now. Am I understanding that correctly? Yeah. How do they have an atmosphere?

What do you mean? They're on a ship. I know, but that's irrelevant in these movies, an atmosphere. No, it's not. We've never seen people running on a ship in space. Yes. Her hair the crypt keeper from the back like it looks like she's bald except she's strange but story as old as time i know some star wars fan would have an answer to the question I asked, too, about how there's an atmosphere. They're like, it's actually an atmosphere that's contained within a section of space when there's not many of them together.

It's an artificial. I bet you could Google it. I absolutely refuse. Same. Snooki. A little too much eye movement acting. What is this? Is this a gladiator fight?

Is this an open mic? No, it wouldn't be that full. You know Kylo Ren's gonna show up to fucking save the day at some point Like the two of them are gonna fight together Oh that's a good idea Dude Grandpa She's like do you have any Werther's I've eaten

all of the Werther's I have Werther's but they're black they are not the original oh what he's like attached to that fucking thing oh yeah that's been oh i think i think i think i think oh i'm sure you're right it doesn't seem new to me it didn't feel like they just showed it as a reveal it's just now occurring to me he's like a morton joe from fucking uh mad max i thought he said i want you to kill me

I was like sweet oh nice that's the end I want you to kill me oh oh that would be bad honestly how does he exist like what's going on in his consciousness you know he's like i look like that yeah right he's like you will have me inside of you there's that thing in uh like

yogic philosophy that's like perfect the body to forget the body. He's kind of done like the opposite. He's made his body such like a disgusting little bag of milk. I've never heard perfect the body to forget the body. It seems like something a lot of people would say is bad. Like the big, actually everyone's fine how they are. Yeah, yeah. But it's really, it's that kind of thing of if you get into enough, you know, good enough shape that you don't have to just think about your body at all is kind of I think how I

always. Yeah. No, I mean, I get the idea. Oh, man, this is fun. I would love to act in a sequence that's like fucking crazy like this. Just from one grenade they did that? That was wild. We need wifey, sir.

I have to go save Ray. Do they? What? My guy. I love how those squid people look. The crustaceans or whatever they are. They're so hot. He's a scary grandpa yeah he really is okay who are her parents see his kids but like something is questionable i don't agree i'll just look it up.

No family. Unnamed Palpatine unnamed mother i think you owe me an apology this human female was the mother of ray whose father was the son of after leaving their daughter on jakku and refusing to reveal her whereabouts she and ray's father were killed by ochi see that is like what we saw I think we're blending two things together maybe we're talking about two different things I don't know you're talking about when like the kid yeah Jodi Comer is her mom right from killing yes yeah so that was what we saw there so that's separate from the thing I'm mixing two things yeah but I would prefer

if I could get the apology I wanted it in writing as opposed to verbal okay thanks babe doesn't have to be long doesn't have to be like I'm gonna write it in my shit hey honestly so it'll be short but you'll get the message but it'll also be sweet

here he comes whoa totally different look for him ow hurt donut honestly you just saying hurt donut makes me crave donuts hurt you want a hurt donut makes me crave donuts.

You want a Hertz donut? Remember that? You want a Hertz donut? No. And then someone punches you and they go, Hertz donut. Yeah, I put it together. I've never heard anyone say that. It was a total thing we did when we were kids.

Ours was more, do you like CDs? Do you like to see these nuts? We were on the D these nuts kind of train where I grew up. So crazy. He was a Marine. Yeah. so crazy he was a marine yeah that's cool that really is cool i feel like it must be not necessarily as much now but there probably was a point in time where it would be hard for marine to go i think i want to be an actor instead right but then he's like oh well i got in a juilliard so i guess i will do that did he also yes geez he's a very talented man yeah he really is he's like oh well i got in a juilliard so i guess i will do that did he also

yes geez he's a very talented man yeah he really is he's great i'm a big fan so like he's kind of a bitch without a lightsaber huh jk jk thank you for your service Thank you for your service. Just like cut the fucking machine from behind him. Can he just be like, yeah, if you could turn off the machine, it's like a Wizard of Oz thing where he's just like this little guy. I'm like. She's like he is bae she clears her throat I meant Ben

oh he's too excited she like passed it through I knew it this is actually very hot yeah no and he was standing in a way that suggests even he knows he's being hot wait what oh and she had another one or some shit

who cares doesn't matter yeah this is fun I almost have goosebumps a part of me and maybe this is because I'm just a twisted individual but I feel like it would kind of feel good to get stabbed with a lightsaber you're sick can you do you see what i mean like it's no i know because it'd be such a clean hole and then you're dead wait what don't do it in front of grandpa wait wait Wait, what?

Don't do it in front of Grandpa. Wait, wait. Chill, chill, chill, chill. Oh, this is cool. Just cut the fucking machine. Ooh. Not that simple. Oh. Oh.

Wait, what? It's yummy. is yummy oh new hands oh no oh uh oh and so wait the emperor is a good guy, right? This is not ideal.

I'm not laughing at you. I was thinking of a joke. I actually like being a grandpa. I like to spend time with my grandchildren. Oh, no. Greg Grunberg. No. He's dead.

Damn. Grunberg had a really nasty death in the 2002 movie with Kevin Bacon called Hollow Man. Really scarred me. You know when you see a death in a movie that's really nasty and it stays with you? Do you remember the movie Thinner? The Stephen King movie? Of course. Thinner.

We used to try to do that when I was in elementary school. I'm thinner. And he'd suck in all your bones. Thinner. What was the premise of that? He just got thinner by a curse? Yeah, he did something. He evicted a witch woman.

He did something, and then some woman was like, I curse you. No, actually, no. I think it was a fat old man. Look at this no matter what he he just kept getting thinner and thinner she was like i can't hear my bluetooth through all my hair Do you think that guy was like an OG? I was just thinking, I bet he was in one of the originals. System's not responding, sir. there's a lot of cheesiness in these movies but you gotta you gotta accept or respect rather that

it's it's it has a nice message oh yeah that, my guy. Oh, no, I always like the morals. Yeah, but almost sometimes when the morals are so obvious, you go like, all right, come on, man. Yes, the good guys are good. Dude, that must feel fucking tight to be him right now. He's straight up Bram Stoker's. Droccoli law. Yikes.

I love his new clothes. Those eyes. I cannot believe that's what the actor's eyes actually look like. That's why you got the part. It's always your weird thing that makes you special. That's very true. Yeah, or beautiful. So falls the last Skywalker.

Okay, but it's rise of Skywalker, which makes me think. When he jumps out of that hole, he's going to go. So rise to the last Skywalker. Should I be the emperor? I feel like that's the most natural voice I've ever had. It was really good. Thank you. Whoa.

Wow. Wow. Just turn it off and turn it back on. You have to turn it off and turn it back on. have to turn it off and turn it back on blow in the hole and then turn it back on her hair makes a good pillow do you think the emperor is pissed that that electricity isn't red? I know it looks good, but it's evil.

It's evil electricity. They all know. Babe, wake up. So close. You know that song? Stay with me, baby. No. I can't. Is she wearing Uggs? And also with you.

Yes. Look, I don't want to keep complaining about it, but I really do wish there was a green lightsaber up in this. You just have to bite your own. you have low self-esteem. I was going to say that exact thing. My guy, your self-esteem is insane. It's your granddaughter, first of all. But I am cool. I was a good dancer when I was your age.

Okay, all right, all right. I thought she had a flannel tied around her waist. I was like, cool. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Not fair. Not fair. Ugh. Yum. Oh, even the statue goes down. You love to see it go. Snooki!

Snooki! Can't believe Donald's dead. Go, go, go, go, go. You can get out of there buddy well he's out lol alright thanks guys what dude you can catch them poe i know you can

who i who is this woman like i don't know him she rode up on that horse right but they're like thick as thieves immediately yeah i don't know i feel like they have a history wow just instant with the jump. That's awesome. Well, hold on to them you don't have to like throw them away you don't know what's going to happen next like put them on your little thingy we got her just in time just kidding

wait I gotta save her the rise of skywalker Ray's gonna have to live with that thing of like What I'm sure happens with kids in Hollywood Where like they don't want you to know who their parents are You know like she'll always be like She's like I didn't really know him I didn't really know them But no but what's your last name? I don't know.

I don't have one. I'm actually just Ray. People just call me Ray. But it says on your ID, Ray Palpatine? No, that's actually. Anyway, can I just have that? Yeah, you can have this beer here. Okay, so I'm just going to go on.

You're dead. Now's the perfect time to kiss you. Dude, let me. I want to do dead body acting. and that's the perfect time to kiss you. Dude, let me... I want to do dead body acting. Rock-a-bye, baby. Is he going to give her some force

through his force? Does he have that power? I don't know. Maybe because she gave him some, he can give it back. And then he dies. I like that. Yeah, like his wound opens back up.

That's what I was thinking. Although that's a little too like tit for tat in terms of how all this power works. She looks really disappointed with him. I think it's literally happening. yes i guess yeah yeah right it feels earned if not now then when hey thank you god it's a tale as old as time Pretty funny how we ended up here, huh? It'd be crazy if now when she speaks, it turns out that... Oh, yeah, it is that. Okay, great. Jeez, that was sudden. When she speaks, now she has Senator Palpatine's voice.

Yeah, she's like... You're the Sith. You cannot die, Ben. He kind of had to go you know Oh my god Like that I don't know if I get it They just like become the force or some shit oh I actually just really re-informed my sense of

scale like I didn't realize all that stuff was so big That actually just really re-informed my sense of scale. Like I didn't realize all that stuff was so big. Why does Billy Dee Williams have on like the 1990s headset? I don't know. We did it.

There's just something funny about that. I don't feel like they played as big of a role as they saw. Yeah, totally. Totally. that i don't feel like they played as big of a role as they saw yeah yeah totally totally but what a motley crew huh it's wild how motley oh i thought it was gonna crash into that fucking whatever that is that looks like ewok land it is nice nice little yay

oh my god this is officially my favorite one wow they're cuter than ever okay I'm like worried right now that somehow there's still like 40 minutes left or something

no there's like 8 minutes left or something like that. And I mean, that might even include the. Are we going to are we going to get another retro wipe? I bet we do. Wait, so they just said like happy to each other. I don't understand why Dominic Monaghan is in this. Oh, my God. I mean, I'm happy about it because he's great.

He's just playing a small role. Yeah, it's just it's confusing. This precedent we've set in entertainment. Yeah, it's kind of like when I used to watch Law and Order. Like Keri Russell didn't show her bottom half of her face. Yeah, true. Very true. But when I used to watch like Law and Order with my mom we always had a joke that it was like

when a famous person is in it they're the killer or whatever they always are it's the same deal with this though where it's like distracting that it's Dominic Monaghan yeah nice alright hey cool hey that's good it's just

funny random totally random yeah That's good. Way to go, Star Wars. It's just funny, random. Totally random, yeah. Wait, what is your narrative? They're just doing a bunch of random stuff. No, no, no. When that character was first introduced, they implied that she had had a history of intercourse with Chewie, I'm pretty sure. No.

Well, not intercourse, but there I'm pretty sure no well not intercourse but she there was she was like my my ex and then you think it's Han but it's Chewie okay I think I think leave me alone now that's cool

have I eaten anything today I want to agree i love this this little green lush area they're in Are they setting up another movie or something? Let's find out. What does that mean? Yeah. He's like, spit in this tube. Yeah. Oh, okay. It's 87% unlikely that you'll have hair on your back

I like that everyone's like hugging and dancing around yeah but it would be annoying to film I was just thinking these extras have to like pretend they like want to hug each other for like hours honestly the only way that it would be fun is if you're in like the makeup where you don't look like a human.

Yeah, that would be funny. I'll be having a great time. Wow. Is this the end? Oh my god. They're going to show me something else Time has passed Her wounds Gone

Her hair clean Oh my god That's some full circle shit That's like where Luke grew up right Tatooine Go away The like charred bodies of his aunt and uncle Are still up there

Covered in blue milk You're like they're still No one buried them Whee She could have just walked out That's more fun yeah true that looks kind of comfy that outfit

I guess because it's not that far from pajamas it's like into the ground what was that the lightsabers she just put it oh she's like burying Look, it's sinking into the ground. What was that? The lightsabers. She just put it... Oh, she's like burying them. Why though? Wouldn't you want to keep that shit?

I think you're... Oh, okay. She's keeping one. She has a different one. It's what you wanted. It's yellow. Whoa, look at that. Yeah, that scared the shit out of me. There's

Palpatine. Great Jedi. Sky. Skywalker. Rocker. Shit. Palpatine Jedi Skywalker Shit Look Oh wow They start making out They really make out

No No Rules don't apply when you're a ghost. Cute. But, you know, the camera turns. The woman's gone. She's already been walking away because it took her so long to answer. What?

Two moons. I said Skywalker. Okay. Two moons, she says while looking at the sun. Wow. Yay. It's's over but it was good that one was good i enjoyed myself oh colin drewell george lucas uh he did jurassic world yeah and i kind of guessed um interesting okay well this was awesome i loved every second of it i didn't miss anything and I understood all of it.

Yeah. That's how I feel too. All right. We got to go because I have to go record about this right now for newcomers. Thanks for watching, listening, whatever you did. See you later. Slap time. Slap time.

Slap time. Slap time Slap Time With Lauren Lapkus That was a HitGum Original