Newcomers: Scorsese, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - White Men Can't Jump (w/ Amir Blumenfeld)

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Lauren and Nicole are back with an epic new season of Newcomers covering legendary sports movies. There’s no better way to kick things off than discussing White Men Can’t Jump (1992) with Headgum founder, co-host of the podcast Segments, and basketball fanatic Amir Blumenfeld! The group gets into their own personal experiences playing sports (both good and bad, mostly bad), understanding the lore of someone’s Favorite Movie, and clear up the misconception that this film's sequel is not called White Men Can’t Jump Again. Follow Amir: Instagram, TwitterLike the show? Rate Newcomers 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Nicole and Lauren to read on the pod!Follow the podcast on Letterboxd.Advertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Hedgum Original. Oh, it is hard work being this good. It's not about black. I don't mean the black. But I'm the greatest. That's because you never saw me. It's not about white. Honey, I'm the greatest. That's because you never saw me. It's not about white. Honey, I'm home.

How much money did you make today? I missed you, too. I'm sorry, honey. It's about green. I want to find out how good you are, chump. Come on! Come on! I'm your white shadow!

Pull it! Pull it! I have a business proposal for you, as if you don't mind hustling what kind of hustle $500 baby, and you can pick my teammate give them the chop you mean play basketball Joe anorexic malnutrition tapeworm having overdose dick Gregory, but I'm in diet drinking ass up Give me my money. I'll see you hustle.

Hey, I've never used a little goofy white mother. Hey, who you calling goofy white mother? Give me your goofy white mother. Yeah! Yeah! 500 divided by 2. Woo! How much do you love me?

I love you, infinity. Oh, Billy, you're so stupid. You should have said I love you infinity plus infinity. We'd shoot you, Billy, but first we want the money. There are rules to hustling, there's an ethics involved. Yeah, that you wouldn't know a damn thing about. Will you explain to this Gladys Knight the pips? It's pips, the pips.

Winning and losing is all one big organic lobby. I hate it when you talk like that. You got that big Z in your fro, man. What are you, the Black Zorro? What are you doing? I'm doing two things. What? I'm making them mad.

Most guys don't play good when they're mad. Look, you know you're embarrassing me. That's what you're doing. Yeah, well, that's the other thing I'm doing. I only have four words for you. White men can't jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah! Play ball!

It's newcomers! Playing for the home team, it's Lauren Lapkus and Nicole Byer. And of course we have Coach Anya and Coach Allie watching along from the sidelines. And this season we're covering 10 of the sports movies that we feel are culturally slam donks. And we're going to leave the rest all out on the court. This is so natural for us. It's so natural. I love sports. Oh, I love sports so much.

Today we are gonna be watching the iconic basketball film starring Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes, 1992's White Men Can't Jump. And White Men Can't Jump is streaming on Macs, or it's available for a fee on any other major streamer. And we gon' spoil this game! Huh. Ha ha ha ha.

We're gonna tell you who won the movie. Yeah. Well, playing for the visiting team today, we are so excited to have Amir won the movie. Yeah. Well, playing for the visiting team today, we are so excited to have Amir Blumenfeld. Boo. Oh no. No, that's no, come on.

Amir is a comedian, writer, and podcaster that you know from the film A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas. Yeah. Welcome Amir. I was in that. So excited. Yeah, thank you. I wasn't that, yeah. Thank you, appreciate you reading that.

That is what I had written up, so I thank you for reading. Yeah, you wrote that whole bio for yourself. Well, thank you so much for being here to talk about this movie. Thank you so much. I have a question, Amir. What is your relationship to the sport of basketball and then to this film? How long do you got? Have you heard of basketball?

Yeah. So basketball is my favorite thing, not just my favorite sport, but my favorite thing ever. And this movie is my favorite movie ever. So the short version is, it's my favorite thing about my favorite thing, exponentially rolled into one amazing thing. So yeah, thank you for having us.

Did you play basketball growing up? Yes, but poorly. Were you on a team? Yes, but not a good team. And I wasn't a very good player on the team. Do you play as an adult? I do, but again, not well against other individuals who are not that good either.

Wow, so you just find people who kind of suck and then you're like, can we do that together? That is 100% what we do, yes. Other people that look like me. Wait, Lauren, what were you saying? I interrupted you. No, I was gonna ask you, because I think both of us played in the women's basketball

league. So there's this this league in LA that is a public thing that anyone can join. But for some reason, a ton of improvisers got hooked into this and we were all playing basketball and some continue to this day. Yeah, but we both I think did not succeed. No, I played one game where I had like an asthma attack and Eugene Carrera was like, are you okay? And I was like, no! And also we were playing against like the WNBA.

These women were so good. They weren't comedians. I couldn't believe it. Everyone was so fast. There's so much back and forth that I just simply didn't remember. Yes, and I also was playing, my team is called the Kimmy Dribblers instead of Kimmy Gibbler. And I was really excited and really into it, but I was terrible.

And I did have a WNB player on my team and she was amazing. A ringer. Yeah, and she threw a no look pass that hit me in the face cause she didn't look at me. Oh no. And then I had my wisdom teeth removed, unrelated,

and they told me my jaw was so thin in that area where my teeth had been sort of growing into my jaw for the last 20 years, that if I were to be hit in the face, I could break my jaw. So I had to quit basketball. Yeah. Ooh. A thin jaw. Yeah.

So okay, I think I'm slightly better than you two. Based on, I was sort of being humble, but I would put my rank one above asthma attack and thin jaw reserve. What was my team name? I think we were the traveling pants. Oh yeah, like sisterhood. Like sisterhood of the traveling pants, yeah.

These are good puns. That's what we bring to the table. These are great puns. Yeah, we were like, we can't play, but we'll bring you a pun. That's all we got. Puns are my second favorite thing. So I'm so far really into this episode.

Great. I'm excited. Thanks for being here. I also just remembered that my dad was my basketball coach in fifth grade. I was on the fifth grade basketball team and I was really good at three pointers, which much smaller basketball court when you're 10,

the way the gym is, you know, I was probably pretty close. I'm good at boxing out. Were you tall for a fifth grader? I was not, I don't think I was extremely tall in fifth grade. It wasn't really until middle school that it started to be a thing that was commented on. God. He was like, oh, and who's the tallest girl?

And then I would like stand back to back with another girl and then be like, oh, I'm a little taller. That's awesome. I've never been a little taller. Yeah. I think, yeah, I've always just been- You wish you were a baller. I do.

A shot caller? Yes, all of it. I want to be all the allers. Oh, wow. Well, okay, we have a great new segment here for this season. And by the way, can we just say, since we're starting this new season, we're coming off of Martin Scorsese movies. That was like, it took a lot out of us.

It was great. It was intense. It was a film journey. This feels already so like refreshingly light that I can't even handle. I was like, I watched this movie and I was like, this is cake. This is cake to me.

Easy breezy, easy to watch. I should let you know that you're starting with the best sports movie ever. So it's kind of only downhill from here. Oh no. But I'm glad I got to force you guys to watch it. Yeah, I'm really glad. Okay, we have a new segment called the Shot Clock,

where each of us will have 20 seconds on the clock to summarize the film, and Anya and Allie will count us down and start the clock. And then we'll hear a buzzer when we run out of time. So when we have a tight 20 to get into this. Tight 20. Amir, do you wanna go first? So is it three different versions of the same plot summary?

I feel like he should go last. Cause like he knows it really well. Or is it like 20 seconds from Nicole, 20 seconds from Lauren and then I take it home for 20 seconds. No, I think we each do our own version. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay.

Okay, so Nicole, would you like me to go first or do you want to go first? You can go first. Okay. Okay, ready? Three, two, one. This is a basketball classic about, Woody Harrelson is going to the court

and he's trying to be, he's trying to play, he's trying to swindle. And Wesley's like, I swindled you. And then they ended up teaming up together and then it all works out in the end. I actually got there. I think it's time. Time, that's a buzzer.

It looked like I wasn't gonna get there at all. And I, and I, when I started, it really didn't. So I thought 20 sounded long. So I was like, let me just kind of give myself a little time here. And then soon it was running out really fast. It would be funny if a ball hit you in the head again. Yep.

I didn't even play. I just did the shot clock game and I broke my jaw. Okay, Nicole, it's your turn. You see how fast that cock moves? It's so fast, okay. Okay, three, two, one. A white guy and a black guy play basketball. The white guy's trying to swindle him.

The black guy gets hip to it, and then they team up together to swindle other people. And then Rosie Perez is trying to get on Jeopardy! And then she wins, and then she breaks up with the white guy because he can't jump, but then he can jump. But then she's like, oh, I'm already gone. And I wanted more of that, but basketball.

That was so, so good. That was really good. I don't know what's left. I mean, I'll do my best, but. All right, ready? Three, two, one. Billy Hoyle played by Woody Harrelson and Sydney Dean played by Wesley Snipes

hustle each other and then eventually team up together to take over the Venice courts by taking down the king and the duck and they do so by actually making Rosie Perez play Jeopardy and oh, I'm out of time. Wow. I ran out of time. Okay. That was honestly really good.

All of those were pretty good. Well, we gotta take a time out. Wow. Best season ever. Best season ever. We'll be back with more White Men Can't Jump after a word from our sponsor. Okay, everyone say, okay, everyone has to say ready break.

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Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash newcomers. That's rocketmoney.com slash newcomers. Rocketmoney.com slash newcomers. RocketMoney.com slash newcomers. We're back. Nice. I can't believe you guys got whistles for this season. Oh yeah, the budget went up. Yeah, we got whistles. These are 14 karat gold.

That's incredible. They're very beautiful. For Scorsese, you guys got guns. Okay, so this film was released March 27th, 1992. Do you know where you were at that point? Yes, I was nine years old in fourth grade, living in LA where the movie took place. Wow.

Wow. This movie was written by Ron Shelton and guess who directed it? Ron Shelton. Good old Ron. He said, I can't get this in anyone else's hands. And he was right. He was right.

Okay. Fucking crushed it. And he was white. He was white? Yeah. Could he jump? He wrote, what he knew. Yeah.

He didn't play pickup basketball. I think that was the origin story. He also wrote like Bull Durham. So he's like a sports fan. And then this was the origin story. He also wrote like Bull Durham. So he's like a sports fan and then this was his basketball movie. He wrote what? Bull Durham? Yeah, which is a baseball movie before this.

What is that one? Yeah. It's like Kevin Costner as a pitcher. Is that the one where it's like, if you build it, they will come? That's Field of Dreams. I feel like you guys will see that. You'll watch that one later.

But I've never seen Field of Dreams. I just know that he was like building a baseball diamond so people come to him or something. Yeah. Let's not waste any time with other movies. I feel like we're losing sight of... Let's keep our eyes on the prize. This movie was surprisingly sexual.

It was very sexual. And I really liked the fashions in it. Um, I feel like nobody dresses fun anymore. No, I loved the styles on the court. I was like, everybody looks cool and fun and every outfit is like just so great. Great hats, great shirts. Woody Harrelson's whole t-shirt collection was fantastic.

Very fun. I think like that style is now back basically. Like it's been 30 years exactly and now it's like, this is how people dress again. I know, I can't believe that though. Isn't that weird? It is weird how fashion comes around every 30 years. Well, I do remember in the 90s,

I liked dressing like a quote unquote hippie. So that makes sense. Oh yeah. Wearing like bell bottoms and flowers and shit. Yeah. Well, let's jump into this plot. So in Los Angeles, Billy Hoyt, nope, Hoyle. What a weird name. Woody Harrelson, who I think is really dreamy. He's so hot in this. He's so hot in this.

And if you think he's hot in this, you have to watch. Uh-oh. I think it's called like bad offer. Um, no, uh, proposal, bad proposal. Do you know what movie? Yes. Oh my God. He's really hot in that anyway. Sorry. You just called, bad proposal. Do you know what movie? Indescent proposal? Yes, oh my God. He's really hot in that. Anyway. I'm sorry, you just called it bad offer. We really need to.

We need to. I feel like we're playing taboo. Yeah, yeah, bad. This is a movie, bad offer. Uh. Uh. That was amazing. We got sick.

I've never seen that though. I have heard of that a million times. So hot. Robert Redford is so hot. Demi Moore is also so, it's such a sexy fucking movie. Okay, so Woody Harrison makes a living hustling street basketball players who assume he can't play cause he's white.

Pulling up to the park, he meets Sidney Dean, Wesley Snipes, who looks so good and is lit so well. A smooth talking and talented player who seems to rule the court. To everyone's surprise, Billy manages to beat him twice, taking all his money. Though things get heated between the two of them on the court, Sydney eventually convinces Billy

to team up with him to hustle other unsuspecting players around town. They just say- All right, real quick, let's get a time, blow the whistle right here. Because like what you just sort of breezed over was like one of the best like first 15 minutes of a movie ever.

I actually have to say I agree. Like the opening scene was incredible, right? Like I know I'm speaking from a huge super fan, but did you guys love that or what? I loved it. I had no, what I really liked, I had no idea where it was going, which was fun because I've,

this movie has been in the zeitgeist, you know, I'm very aware of it, but I didn't know what his deal was. And he watches those three men who are like street performers singing a song, and he's about to give them 50 bucks. So I'm like, oh, he's a rich shithead kind of guy. And then he's like, just kidding.

And he gives him $1. And I was like, oh, so he sucks. Like I was like, what? I don't know what I'm supposed to make of this guy. And then he goes and lays on the court and just puts his head on the ball and goes to sleep or whatever he's doing. I was like, what are you up to?

Like I truly had- You think this whole movie's a dream? I bet there's a theory that says that. Whoa, maybe it is. He lays his head on the ball and he's like, hmm. And then it like fades to a ball going in. Oh my God, that's funny. The whole like basketball of it all

and the like trash talking and stuff, I thought was good, but also I was like, oh my God, you guys have to shut up a little bit. But like also it was very realistic. Do you know what I mean? I was like, oh, I've seen this before. Billy did say that eventually. He was like, will you shut the fuck up?

He's like, oh, I'm sorry, am I getting to you? Like he realizes like this is like his super powers talking to people so annoyingly that they're not very good at basketball. Well, and I love the Yo Mama jokes. I feel like this was like a really crucial point in history with those. Some of them were terrible.

I mean, like it was like. The one where it was like, your mom is so fat, she fell down and gravy fell out of her leg. That made me laugh. That's the first one I was thinking of, yeah. I should have written down a couple of them. Pretty good. They were, yeah, some of them were really solid

and some of them were just like, okay. Like then he's like, your mom is an astronaut. And then he's like, my mom's not an astronaut. It was like, what? My mom's too drunk to be an astronaut, yeah. Well, when that was said to him, I was like, now he's cool, cause he's able to like take it. He doesn't care.

Yeah. Okay, great outfits. Wesley Snipes with the hat, the tiny brand, which is little son, the baby is wearing the same thing and it's so cute. Adorable. Good Halloween costume too. Yeah.

And his wife or fiance? His wife. Sydney Dean is married. Billy Hoyles, yeah. Sydney Dean is married. Yeah. Okay. I love that you say first and last names.

You love this movie. I love this movie. It's the best movie ever. I can talk about this movie all day long. It's my favorite movie. I love his wife. I love their whole dynamic. And also when they go to his apartment.

Sweet, do we ever know who, well, I guess I don't need to jump that far ahead, but do we ever know who robbed him? Mm-mm. I don't think we see that now. I assume it was Billy Hoyle using his sort of nefarious side hustle. No, I'm just joking.

We never find out who robbed them. Okay. Well, let's jump into where Rosie Prez comes in because I love her. She's great. That was a great reveal. Like she's reading the Almanac, puts it down. It's like, was she famous back then?

Why was that like a debut of her on the screen? I know why I feel like- Did you make any money today? It's like, boom, we know who Rosie is. Was she in a lot of stuff? Cause this was like her heyday, wasn't it? Yeah, this was one of her big first things. Was it a Spike Lee movie before this, I think?

She's so great. When she was reading the Almanac, I was like, that was a lazy choice. I didn't know where it was going at all. I was like, didn't they give her like a book? I was like, did they give her an interest? They're like, we don't have any books on set. Read the Almanac. Well, I was looking at their whole apartment like, did they give her an interest? They're like, we don't have any books on set. Read the almanac.

Well, I was looking at their whole apartment going, why do they have the presidents? Like there's like, like hanging in their bookshelf was like a picture of the first four presidents. And I was like, that's the worst decoration I've ever seen. It all made sense later, of course. But I was like, what is, why are they like pretending like these people have no interests?

But then she did. General trivia knowledge. Yeah, her interest is general knowledge. And being hot as hell while she grinds on Billy saying like, Oh my god, she's so pretty. Oh my goodness. Imagine being a nine-year-old boy in LA and watching that movie.

It was like a sexual basketball awakening. That's probably why I like basketball. Yeah, honestly, I could see that. So Billy's live-in girlfriend, Gloria Clement, Rosie Perez, voices her disapproval of Billy's constant scheming and constant debt. We learn the two are on the run from the Stoochie brothers. This is absurd.

Mobsters to whom Billy owes a bunch of money. Gloria's constantly reading the world almanac, studying to one day fulfill her dream of being a contestant on Jeopardy. And she just wants Billy to get a stable job and buy her a dress to wear on the show. I mean, it is a simple thing. Oh, the mobsters are great.

Yeah, it's a simple, simple premise. I feel like in the 90s, it was like mobsters. In every movie, they're after you, you gotta get money. It's so funny. It is very like an episode of like Blossom or something where suddenly there's like a guy chasing you with get money. It's so funny. It is very like an episode of like Blossom or something where suddenly there's like a guy chasing you with a gun. You're like, ah!

It was like, they had such a weird, like they were just coming to kill him for money he owed them. There's like no laws in this town. Like it feels like anything can happen. Especially two Italian brothers in leather jackets. Yes. I also was like, is she not wearing underwear

while studying the almanac? She was not. And he was about to eat her poche. And she was like, you're stinky. And then is she an alcoholic? She secretly, I felt that was cut out or something, like a storyline that was cut because she goes over, when he goes in the shower, she immediately like sneakily gets herself a glass of vodka.

And then she does it like two more times, but we never know why. And isn't he like, are you drinking this? Like, I told you not to drink this as much. And then like during the scene where he's, after the slam dunk contest, she's like drinking wine by herself. Yeah, but it's like, who cares?

Like she doesn't seem to have a problem. Yeah, she seems fine. Unlike you, Billy, I think you're addicted to gambling. Isn't that worse than alcohol, if you think about it? You're constantly losing all of our money at once. I kept it all in a jar, so you wouldn't fucking lose it this time. I had a problem with that.

You didn't like the jar? Well, why wasn't it ordered? Like it's just stuffed in there. Like you could- Loose bills and coins in a jar. You could face all the money as you count it and you can put it in order. It is like childlike to just shove it in a jar.

Yeah. Okay, then they have sex. Can we talk about that? So here's what I'm thinking about this. I'm going, there are no sexual coordinators or whatever the word is. No. Intimacy coordinators.

There are no sexual coordinators. There are no intimacy coordinators. This looked raw. It really did. It wasn't even scripted. They just like, they couldn't take it. Like holy shit. Like we're just too hot.

Can we fuck in the shower? Can we just give you one take where we fucking fuck in the shower before the Stoogees get here? Before the Stoogees. Yeah, super horn dog. Very, very horny. Loved the scenes when they had the sex.

Lot of good side boob in the movie too. She's always wearing loose tank tops, never any underwear. I was wondering how those were staying perfectly because I was like, did they tape that? She had on like his basketball tanks that are like super loose and then they would never move. I was like, that's, that's our-

Yeah, probably a little double-sided tape, but I liked their chemistry, their chemistry. I, it was so believable that they were together and that they loved each other and they were constantly annoyed with one another and they probably had hot, hot, hot, hot sex all the time. Yeah. I liked their like, their pillow talk when she's, like, teaching them lessons.

And he's like, I'm too dumb to understand what you're saying. I know, that was- He does want to try to understand, the sympathize with the dry mouthedness and all that stuff. Yes, his downfall as a character was that he's really dumb. Like, I was like, he's hot, but he's really stupid. Just a real fucking idiot.

But I like this scene when they're in the car in the convertible with Wesley Snipes and then he's playing Jimi Hendrix and then they get in that whole, like I thought the relationship between Rosie and Woody is really cute in that scene where she's like defending him and like the whole band is white or whatever. And then like, then he puts on some terrible music

and she's like, I fucking hate this. And he's like, that's not her. It's very cute. Yeah, I think it's cute too. Okay, more summary. Okay, at first Billy and Sydney's system works out great. And the two rake in cash all over town. But then they unexpectedly lose a game.

Gloria realizes that Sydney has double-crossed Billy by throwing the game, losing $1,700 to a group of Sydney's friends. They go to Sydney's apartment and appeal to his wife Rhonda, Tyra Ferrell. The women agree to share the money provided Sydney and Billy team up for a major two-on-two outdoor tournament. Despite their-

It's perfect. It's perfect. Everything you're saying is great. Yeah. The Vista View Apartments. Are you kidding me? It's so perfect that there's a tournament happening. It's amazing.

There's a two on two tournament happening. Right there when they need it. And all their friends are over watching the Laker game. Who can't relate to that as a nine year old boy? And cleaning their guns. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You gotta get them clean if you're gonna use them.

I also really liked that one game where that man went, he was like, I gotta get money out of my car and then held up a convenience store. And then the guy was like, what are you doing? I love that. That's Marcus Johnson, an actual five time NBA basketball, all star. Oh.

And he was like acting in this as Raymond. His name is Marcus Johnson, who's now a play-by-play guy for the Milwaukee Bucks. And just recently, LeBron beat the Milwaukee Bucks, or sorry, some other Laker beat the Milwaukee Bucks and he said, Marcus Johnson, as Raymond tweeted, I'm gonna go to my car and get my other gun

and all the white men can't jump on Twitter. We're just loving it, including me. Yeah. I love that. Oh, just unrelated, but basketball related. Last night as I was scrolling Instagram far past the point that I showed up, I came across Shaq talking about getting pedicures. Yes, I love that video.

Do you see that? His feet are bad. Yes. Did you post it or did I just come across that? I think you just came across it, but I've seen it. I just wanna look at something pretty down there. Yeah, and he was like, they were like, how much do you pay for pedicures?

Like a thousand dollars. And then he's like, so my feet are stinky. And then he was like- His feet are awful. He was like- His like toes are broken and calcified. It looked- Really?

Why do you, why have you seen his toes? Are they in Kazam or whatever? Shack at the beach and then there's like an insert of like a toe, like paparazzi from his feet. Stop. His toes are like over each other, like vertically aligned. Give him a break.

Is he on wicky feet? He probably is. And his ratings are either extremely high or low. Yeah, they got a wicky feet. I couldn't believe it. I was like, first of all, $1,000. I was like, that's amazing. Being so rich.

So he's just never ending rich. But you just aren't thinking at all that that could ever be a problem. He also has size 20 shoes or something. So it's like one Shaq pedicure is worth four. You guys should watch Shaq's movies next. Yeah, we should. Wait, how many movies does he have?

He was in Steel, he was in Kazam, he was in Blue Chips. And those are just the first three I thought of. Oh my God, I'm looking at his feet on wiki feet. Men, I didn't know it was divided. Yeah, it's scary stuff. I mean, imagine being 340 pounds pounds running for a living for two decades. Yeah, no, I mean, it's like being a ballerina. He's gonna have some fucked up feet.

Oh yeah, these feet are wild. They do look like they might be stinky. Oh, these nails. He also said his mom, like when he was young, he had like a toenail that fell off, which makes me wanna barf honestly. But his mom like put red nail polish on his toes. And then he was like, I should always have nail polish.

So he was like, that's how he got into it. But he likes to do designs, he said. I like that. And I'm looking at his feet with some toenail polish on and they look good. I like that too. I think that's great. I'm happy for him.

He's a confident man. Yes. Amir, would you ever polish your toes him. He's a confident man. Yes. Amir, would you ever polish your toes? I have gotten a pedicure once. It was pretty fun, but nothing I ever sought to desire to do again. But it was like very comfortable. Well, yeah, I think even if you don't get a nail,

even if you don't get a color, it's nice to get your feet cleaned up and. Yeah. I felt kind of bad. It was like somebody down there like scraping dead skin off my big toe. I think men should feel bad about that. They should.

You're not getting them often and it's a lot of dead skin. Yes. Right, when women, when we're doing it regularly, it's not that bad every time. If you've never done it, then. I went with a friend once and they pulled out like a, it felt like a chainsaw. Like it was like they had to plug something in for her feet.

Like dumb and dumber. Because her feet were so bad. Oh, I've never seen dumb and dumber. All right, throw it on the pile, add it to the list. Oh, this is amazing. That's a really fun one. Truly, I've truly never seen anything. I just saw Robocop for the first time.

That was great. I've never seen that. It's fun. It's awesome. Did you guys like the basketball scenes? In this movie? Yeah. Yeah. In Robocop. In Robocop, did you guys like the basketball?

I love the basketball in Robocop. Ooh baby. It was so crazy and unexpected. I loved the basketball scenes and I was wondering how good everyone was at basketball before. Yeah, how they were choreographed. Yeah. They had a basketball, not an intimacy,

but a basketball coordinator. Oh, priorities. Like one of our and Shelton's friends, like who played at Princeton was like, they like, I guess, practiced for six weeks before the actual shoots. And like Wesley Snipes was good at dribbling, but not necessarily good at shooting.

And Billy was sort of the opposite. He was a good shooter, but not a great dribbler. So they were like, practice these plays and these sets. And then when they finally got to start playing, they were pretty good together. That's so fun. That feels like if you like basketball and you just like to play,

like that would be the best job ever where you get to be trained. Yeah. You get paid. That's so fun. I mean, sign me up. Yeah. Do you want to be in white men can't jump three?

Yeah. Yeah, sure. I'll take it. What was, boy, the real groan before. I hope they made a. Boy, they're real grown before. I only made a second one, which was sort of disappointing. And now the hypothetical third one makes me really sad. But I guess if I'm in it, I'll allow it. Were there mobsters in the second one? You know, I didn't see the second one.

Oh, so are you a fan? I was boycotting. Yeah, I'm such a big fan that I've, I was, cause like, whenever you guys talk about these like Batman or. Yeah, I'm such a big fan that I've, because like whenever you guys talk about these like Batman or Marvel movies, I'm so disconnected from that whole world of like cinephiles and comic book nerds or like people like, I'll never watch the remake.

And I always roll my eyes like, what do you care? And then they're like, we're making White Men Can't Jump Again. And I'm like, oh, I'll never watch the remake. It's finally my time to shine. It's like, it's called again, The White Men Can't Jump Again. Is it? Oh, I thought you just said the title was

White Men Can't Jump Again. Or is it? White Men Still Cannot Even Hop a Little Bit. White Men Still Can't Hop. White Men Still Can't Jump Again. I heard it was bad, so I'm glad I didn't waste any time watching it. Fair.

Despite their constant bickering, Sydney and Billy win the tournament and the grand prize of $5,000, largely due to Billy's ability to interrupt or disrupt his opponent's concentration and getting in the zone. When he does tell him to shut up, I was like, thank God. Cause it was a lot.

I was like, oh. Yeah, I know. The stakes were high at that point. I mean, this is the tournament we're talking about. I mean, it feels almost like that would be near the end, but it was not. That's how good of a movie it is. I know, they were like, we have a lot to do.

And then they go through the dumb contest, and whenever I rewatch the movie, I'm like, just don't do this part. Like, I don't want, like, just go home, Billy. Like, much like Rosie. It is real fucking cringe. I'm like, you already won. You just wanna fucking go home,

and now they, he loses it all because Wesley says the titular line, white men can't jump and they can't, I guess. It's just so, it's cause he's so dumb. He has to like try and he's like not able to see that he could have helped get out of debt and save his relationship. I heard recently that they did an actual bet

during the making of that scene in which Billy did dunk it or Woody did dunk it. What? There's some cosmic consolation that Woody Harrelson that night did win a bet. Oh, that's kind of fun. Yeah. It is fun. I mean, he must've been trained to dunk at that point.

I think the rim was a little low. Okay. They cheated? Already taking it away from him? Already did, yeah. Wow, wow, Mir. You got jealous, because we like thought that was cool.

You already called him hot. I mean, what am I supposed to do? I feel utterly emasculated on this episode. The rim was really low, and the ball was smaller. I could have dunked the grapefruit through it. It would have been easy. I just can't pound the ball.

So yeah, Sidney was happy to win, but he can't help mocking Billy because he can't slam dunk. Annoyed, Billy offers to bet his share of the weddings on his ability to dunk. Sidney gives him three chances, taunting him by saying, white men can't jump. And when I hear the title of a movie in the movie,

I get pretty excited. I love it. Do you think that the title came first or the scene came first? think that the title came first or the scene came first? I think the title came first. The scene? The scene? Do you think that this guy who robbed Ron Shelton or whatever,

when he wrote it, he was like, I want to write a movie called White Men Can't Jump. Or do you think he was like, he got to this part of the scene and he was like, White Men Can't Jump, and he was like, oh, that's the title. I actually read that he had the title first. He was like, white men can't jump. And he was like, oh, that's the title. I actually read that he had the title first. He was like, that's a perfect title.

And then watched backwards. Yeah, it is a good title. Sometimes you just have a good title and that's just where it goes. That makes sense. It's unique. It's interesting. It's memorable.

Yeah, it is. It's very memorable. Hoosiers, what the hell is that? That's a fucking nothing burger. White men can't jump. Now that's the title. What is Hoosiers? Exactly, what is Hoosiers? What the hell is that? That's a fucking nothing burger. Well, white man can't jump. Now that's the title. What is Hoosiers? Exactly, what is Hoosiers?

What is Hoosiers? Is Hoosiers Indiana people? Cause I'm from Illinois and that's what I know. That's the only thing I know about Hoosiers, but is it a movie about people from Indiana? I think so, yes, but we're not here to talk about that. No, we're here to talk about white men can't jump. Can you come out and play?

Remember that song? That was good. jump. Can you come out and play? Right with that song? That was good. No. Okay. Can you come out and play? Yeah, it's like during one of the basketball montages. Yeah, they had the really, really solid, like early 90s. The whole vibe of the whole thing

was very pleasing to my eyes. I will say, it was pleasing to me too. And I liked it a lot, but I really want it more Rosie Perez. I did too. Yeah, she was, she stole the movie. I kind of couldn't believe like, so by the time she gets on Jeopardy,

I'm like, wanted to see her get the call. Yeah, I wanted to see more of that. It was a dream. She studied so hard. And I thought it was a dream when we got to that part. I thought it was like not gonna be real. Cause I was like, suddenly she's actually like. I mean the smash cut from the hook shot.

Yeah. The hook shot with like the POV of the rim, swish. Da na na is a very cool moment too. It is. They might've just like cut everything else in between. Yeah. I did feel like a lot of her storyline probably was cut. Cause I'm like, we get that, the alcoholism yet she's like great at trivia, she performs really well. Like I'm just like...

Maybe that's what it is. She's gotta be drunk. He's controlling... She's wasted on Jeopardy. It could just be that he doesn't want her to drink because he's controlling though, you know? Like that kind of person. And then you're like, it's actually not a big deal,

but now I have to hide it. Okay. Did you like when he visited her on set playing the song? When he visited her on set playing the song. When he visited her at Jeopardy, and they were like, she doesn't wanna see you. And then he forces his way in anyway, because he's a slightly abusive,

and then he sings to her and she's like, okay, I'll go back to you. He's super convincing. It must have been an awesome song. He's a bit of a swindler as we know. He's a hustler. Yeah. And I know you don't mind hustling.

So Billy loses the bet when he said white men can't jump. He was like so threatened, forfeiting his share of their winnings to Sydney and dejected he buys Gloria a dress. I couldn't believe this. He buys her dress as an apology on his way home. But when he tells her she's furious and leaves him anyway. So I was first of all going, how did he afford the dress? Because I felt like he had no money at that point.

And then he, I didn't. So he gave her the dress. She was so excited. But then he had to tell her he lost all the money. And then he sets a didn't, so he gave her the dress. She was so excited, but then he had to tell her he lost all the money. And then he sets a fire in his own apartment. Yeah, that was wild. She knocks over a table with candles on it and neither of them seem to care. That is a huge problem.

Yeah. And it's burning up everything. I was like, no one cares. He found it. He like turned around and he noticed, but it was like after that like moving, what is it, it, you, you happened again, Billy. And it was like this crazy emotional moment that he's like,

I don't care that everything's on fire. It was very the everything is fine meme. So he's like so focused on this thing. She's getting away. By the way, Billy, the apartment's on fire. He turns around, oh shit, take cares of that. And then Gloria is fucking gone. I think it's so wild that he's like,

I'm gonna buy her a dress, that's gonna make her happy. And then I'm gonna tell her I lost all of our money and expect her to be like, at least I got a dress. I know. Cold comfort. And then I was looking, the brand was something interesting. It was something really 90s. It was like, it was like.

Contempo casual. Yeah, but it was like something that, it was like an adjective that was like fabulosity or something. Like. Okay. Okay. So desperate to get her back. Billy goes to Sydney for help.

Sydney reveals he has a friend who works as a security guard at the TV studio that produces Jeopardy. It doesn't feel like that would help you get on. I honestly don't know that that would help you get on. Once you're through security, anybody can be on the show. The hard part is getting onto the lot. If you have a parking pass, you can meet Alex Trebek that day.

Ooh. His friend agrees to use his connections to get her on the show if Billy can sink a hook shot. Okay, well she does. Gloria appears on the show wearing Billy's dress and though she initially stumbles over sports questions, she sweeps the remaining categories, stunning the other contestants and winning $14,100.

I- Who would that start with the letter Q? I know, I was like, oh, that was you, you actually really prepared for that one. That's really specific. And I got one right. She's like, you won't be so surprised. Which one did you say?

Quiche. That was the first one. And I said quail. Qu said, Kish. Which one did you say? Kish. That was the first one. And I said, quail. Quince, the forbidden fruit. When she says quince, it's so cute. I love her teeth and her dimples, quince. I mean, and Billy's so proud, he's like in the audience secretly watching,

oh, she studied for this one. She knows this one. She studied for this one, which is such a funny thing to say, because it's like, that would never happen, that you would have actually studied for this one. She knows this one. Yeah, she studied for this one, which is such a funny thing to say, because it's like, that would never happen, that you would have actually studied for that letter of the alphabet. Everything else is completely believable.

Everything else maybe is perfect. I also loved that the returning champion was so mad that she was getting all of them right. He was like, what? I know. Come on. What? I loved it.

Do you guys want to be on Jeopardy? It's my dream, so I'm just saying that. that she was getting all of them right. He was like, what? Come on, what? I loved it. Do you guys wanna be on Jeopardy? It's my dream, so I'm just saying that. I would love to be on Jeopardy, but I don't think I would do well. Yeah, I'm afraid I would embarrass myself. I feel like celebrity Jeopardy is a little bit kinder to the contestants.

Yeah, it's much easier. But it would be so fun. It'd be fun if white man Can't Jump was a category. And then one of them was, the answers was foods that start with the letter Q. Yeah, like this is the category that helped Rosie Press' character win the game. What is, what is?

What is foods that start with the letter Q? Dan-dan. But I would only wanna to go in jeopardy with Alex Trebek and that's no longer an option. I know, I know it's really tough. I did get to do Wheel of Fortune with Pat Sajak, which I was really excited about, he's retiring. And I was thrilled that I got, and with Vanna of course,

but she's gonna be sticking around with Ryan Seacrest, is my understanding. Ryan Seacrest is gonna host Wheel of Fortune? Yeah. Ryan Seacrest doesn't need more. That's so wild. It's always tough with that because you're like, can we throw Paul Lovetopkins in there?

Cause I could see that being amazing. Who do we talk to? I don't know. I mean. I have a friend that's a security guard on the line. Yeah. If I make a hook shot on the Sudan, you know, the flag on the backboard.

Yeah, thank you. Paul gets to host Jeopardy forever. What is the flag on the backboard called? The Sudan, yeah, that was the country. He's like, no, that's Ghana. You're shooting on the Sudan, which is like the backboard of? A Sudan, yeah, that was the country. It's like, no, that's Ghana. You're shooting on the Sudan, which is like the backboard. And this is in the movie? African flags, yeah. Yeah, it's in the movie.

I feel like we need to watch it again. Can we just pause? Let me blow the whistle one last second. You really know this movie, like, verbatim. I've seen it 1,065 times. Wow. I mean, what's your favorite movie? What movie have you seen more than any movie ever?

House Guest, Ghost, and My Cousin Vinny. There you go. So imagine us talking about one of those. Big. You're right. And a big is my favorite and 13 going on 30. Cause I also just love when people body switch. So I was like, I'm in on this one. Actually, Rosie Perez and Marissa Tomei

have a similar vibe going on. They do. And I very much was into it. And Vinny could ostensibly be a Stookey, not brother, but cousin. Okay. There's a world where these are the same universe. I feel like most movies in the 90s are pretty similar. Sorry. Yeah, I know they are. It's very, the simplicity of it is so like calming to me,

but it feels like you couldn't get away with it now. No, not at all. I was gonna say when you were a kid watching this and it's in LA and stuff, did you connect with things that were shot in LA? I was definitely aware of certain things that shot near my home. Home Alone was shot near where I grew up

and like other things. So like, you're like, oh, it's that would, like you kind of figure that out at some point and it's cool. Yeah, it was very like Venice Beach. Those were like the courts they were playing on. But then like some of the courts were in parts of LA, they didn't let me go to as a nine-year-old,

but it was still fun to have like LA be the backdrop. Venice Beach looked more pleasant then in the movie. I would say it kind of hasn't changed, but that's not good. This country's got to shit and I'm glad we're talking about it. Everybody put your whistles down. It's always a spectacle over there, but you know, it's always a spectacle over there. That's what it says. That's what it says on the thing as you enter.

Skateboarders doing flips and people working out and stuff. And then there's weed being sold. Before it was legal. I love that you sound like a 50 year old woman. There's a lot of hullabaloo happening. Over by the beach over there. Well, it's not my, it's not my preferred place to relax. Fair, I get that.

So back to this summary. Afterwards, Billy sings Gloria a song he wrote for her in her dressing room and wins her back. As Billy and Gloria discuss their future, Sydney approaches Billy for help. His apartment was burglarized and his winnings were stolen, dashing his hopes to move his family into a better neighborhood. Gloria wants Billy to quit the hustle and settle down,

but Sydney informs him that two hoop legends of LA street ball scene, the King and the Duck, which is pretty funny, are playing at the court. Oh my God, Duck Johnson is playing at Venice Beach? We gotta play. This isn't a real man, right? Not a real guy. Oh, we gotta play. This isn't a real man, right? Not a real guy.

Oh, okay, good. I was like, did I miss a basketball legend? Okay. He is now because he's in the movie, but. Yeah. Billy enthusiastically agrees to take him on, offering to gamble his share of Gloria's take, because she gave him two grand to like,

go get clothes to get a job, and he's like, I'm gonna keep hustling. Gloria warns Billy that if he gambles with her money, she's leaving him no matter what, even if he and Sydney win. Billy sides with Sydney feeling that he must honor the obligations he owes Sydney for getting Gloria on Jeopardy. They play a final game against King and Duck,

winning at the last minute when Sydney lobs an alley, oop, passed to Billy who dunks it. Amazing. I felt that he would end up with Gloria. Same. I was pretty surprised. Kind of cool that it didn't happen, right? She's a woman of her word and I respect her.

She's strong, she's independent, she don't need no man. And she's drunk as hell and nobody can tell. She ended up with that really hot security guard from Jeopardy. So Billy returns home happy to have doubled his share of Gloria's winnings, but he's crushed to find that Gloria has kept her word and left him for good. The mobsters who are after Billy find him

and he pays off his debts. This was so silly. They had him pose like he was dead with blood coming out of his mouth. Nothing has ever. For the Polaroid. It's so 90s that I was like, he's not dead. Like I was just like,

like you just go, that's silly. Billy asked Sydney to set him up with a real job and Sydney tells him that he and Gloria may be better off without each other after all. The film ends with Billy and Sydney launching into yet another basketball argument, returning to the court where they first met to play a one-on-one game, this time as the best of friends.

As best friends. That is so cute. It was a cute ending. The silhouettes of the ball being passed back and forth. I mean, it's just an amazing film through and through. What would you guys rate it? A plus, A plus plus? Would you give it a solid A?

We're going to get to that at the end. That's at the end. Sorry, no spoilers. Yeah. I don't want to give it a solid A. We're gonna get to that at the end. That's at the end. Sorry, no spoilers, yeah. I don't wanna give away how I felt. Yet, but I hated it. I thought it was incredibly offensive.

Well, the reception of this movie has mostly favorable reviews. It was nominated for American Film Institute Top 10 Movies in the Sports Category, and Stanley Kubrick, whose movies I've never seen, has cited it as one of his favorite movies. That's actually really funny. That's the next season of Newcomers right there.

I don't think... It's like every time I say I don't think something can be, it will happen. You'd be surprised how many movies that man made. You haven't seen The Shining? No. I've seen that. I've seen, did he do the Tom Cruise? Oh, Eyes Wide Shut, yeah. Yeah, I watched that. Never seen that.

Full metal jacket. I enjoyed that. Oh, look at you, Lauren. Yeah, well no, that was, so I watched Eyes Wide Shut. This was like day 12 of the pandemic. I was like, I'm gonna watch all the classic movies I've never seen. And then I put that on and I was like, that was good. And then I didn't watch anything else.

It was truly like. I'll wait till they pay me to do a podcast. It was the only, it was the only one. And I liked it. That's so funny. There was no reason to stop. That's the worst part. I was like, that was good.

And then I was like. That was awesome. That was so funny that you loved it and you're like, I won't do this again. I think I'll just watch 90 Day Fiancé for four years. Ha ha ha ha ha. So here's a little trivia. The heart wants what it wants. It does.

Director Ron Shelton held pickup games with actors as part of casting. Oh. That's so, oh my God. My husband would just love to do that. He loves basketball. That would be like the coolest audition ever. Keanu Reeves- Does he like this movie? He does, he does. He was do that. He loves basketball. That would be like the coolest audition ever. Keanu Reeves.

Does he like this movie? He does, he does. He was very excited. I was watching. Keanu Reeves was considered for the part of Billy. That's great. But director Ron Shelton didn't feel he could convincingly play a basketball player.

Why the fuck not? Cause he's like more of a surfer dude. I guess he's tall. Yeah, and surfer, yeah. And he's got, you know. We're not recasting Woody Harrelson. End of fucking story. Next trivia.

Wow. Whoa, sorry about that. Just to praise your lover, Woody Harrelson stood out and already had great chemistry with Wesley Snipes from playing opposite him in 1986's Wildcats. Have you seen that? No.

I have not, but I did know that they, this was their second movie together. And then they did Money Train After. Oh, wow. They're a little buddy team. Just, that's right. I have not, but I did know that this was their second movie together. And then they did Money Train After. Oh, wow. They're a little buddy team. That's right. Wesley Sampson wasn't a great basketball player, but Shelton said he was a good quote athlete and had the right swagger for the role. I don't know why athletes in quotes.

Because I guess he wasn't really an athlete. Yeah, he wasn't an athlete. But he's good at sports. Gloria's role was originally supposed to be an upper-class white girl at Smith or Barnard, who runs away with the bad boy. Rosie left such an impression on Ron Shelton that he rewrote the part for her. I love that.

That's so great. I feel like she was in a period of just like, impressing everyone at this time. Like, everyone was just like loving her. She was so like loving her. She was so charming and delightful. She really is and she's so beautiful and she's so fucking funny.

If we've ever talked about her, I'm sure I brought this up, but I don't know if she's ever been in any of the movies we've watched. Is she in Lord of the Rings? No. I'm kidding, I'm completely kidding. Wasn't she Gollum? I feel like she was Sanwai's Ganja. Cause I was like, is she in any of the movies?

And I was like scanning the movies going, how could that ever be? That's so funny. But do you know the Izuzu Trupa, like bit, whenever? I grew, I don't know. For some reason I saw this on TV when I was a kid and it stuck with me forever. I think she was on Jay Leno or David Letterman

and she's like, she got a new car and it's an Isuzu Trooper. Isuzu Trooper. And then he kept making her say it and she's like, my Isuzu Trooper. And it was just, I never forgot. And it was iconic TV appearance. Classy. Love her.

She's adorbs. She's great. And she was recently in The Flight Attendant, which she was very good at. And she's so good in it. Yes. I was so excited to see her. Put her in more things, who do we call?

I know a security guard. Okay. In an interview with Vulture. This guy's a fucking genie. He knows everyone. Hey, you can make any wish come true if you make a hook shot from 75. God, he's obsessed with hook shots.

In an interview with Vulture, Rosie recounted how well she and her co-stars got along during filming. She said, every time I think about white men can't jump, it's just the three of us hanging out down at Venice Beach and having way too much fun. The first day with Woody, the chemistry was immediate. Same with Wesley.

I don't even know how we filmed it because we couldn't stop cracking up at every little thing. I remember Ron Shelton yelling at us a lot saying, would you guys get effing serious? We're doing a movie. That's so cute. I love that. I love that.

It is so cute. That's really nice. And the chemistry comes through. That is nice. Cause you know you have those moments with people where it It is so cute. That's really nice. And the chemistry comes through. I love Rosie Perez. That is nice, because you know you have those moments with people where it's just so fun, then you have those other moments where you're like, so in love.

You're like, I don't like these people. But my favorite's when you're like, I wanna hang out with you guys all the time, and I'm sad this is ending. Yes, that's so fun. In the film, Woody Harrelson's character makes a reference to suspected John F. Kennedy assassin Lee Harvey Oswald. In real life, Harrelson's own father had also been targeted

as a possible accomplice in the killing. What? What? Yikes. His dad was a hit man. Oh, whose dad? Whoa. Woody Harrelson's.

That's awesome. Wow. So Squares says he might have been interested in his story. Crossover. That's so wild that his dad's just openly an assassin. Yeah, that's crazy. You can't just like have that be your job.

And then you became an actor? Like what? I would be like, no, you gotta keep it low key. It just sounds confusing. It's like, yeah, I'm sure there's a tax guy who understands it. But like, no, but that's so that's also making the reference to it. I feel like I'd be afraid to ever say anything about that. I'd just be like, maybe that's how good his dad was.

He was like, whatever, mention me all you fucking want. They're never going to catch me. See if I care. And then and then our favorite category foods that start with the letter Q, was an actual category on an October 1997 episode of Jeopardy. That's fun. Oh, that's fun. It took them a long time because the movie came out in 1992.

I know, they were like, hmm, can't think of anything. Oh, I just watched this movie on VHS. They wanted to make sure it was out of theaters so nobody was cheating. Did I say something wrong? Nope, we weren't even listening to you. We got excited because we saw we could blow our whistles again. Where? Where did you get that? We have to take another time out. We'll be back with more White Men Can't Jump after this.

Ready? Ready? Break! Break! Break. Break. Break. Break.

Break. Break. Break. Break. Break. Break. Break. Break.

Break. Break. Break. Break. Break. Break. Break. Break.

Break. Break. Break. Break. Break. Break. with present day actors, who shall we pick? Oh my God, so I think Amir's gonna get really upset because we're trying to recast him. Yeah, obviously, just use the same actors. They're all still cool and good at acting and aged wonderfully. Okay, but this is just pretend. Oh, okay, so Glenn Powell, Sidney Sweeney, and then for Woody, let's go.

So Billy and Sidney are Glenn Powell and Sidney S and Sydney are Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney. Yeah, Sydney Sweeney is Sydney because it's like Sydney Deeney, Sydney Sweeney, obviously. That makes sense. Yeah. And she does say it's hard goddamn work making something this pretty look like a chump, which would, I guess, make sense

coming out of Sydney Sweeney's mouth. And then, yeah, Rosie Perez could be, I don't know, Nicole. Thank you. I would do Billy's, Billy is Nick Kroll. Neat is Sam Richardson. Oh. A comedy. It's a comedy. A buddy comedy.

And they're goofy as all hell. Gloria is Nicole, because I just think you should be in it. I'm the Stoochy Brothers, but I'm playing twins. You're a Stoochy Siamese sister. Yeah, am I saying, is it Stoochy? I think it's Stoochy. It's spelled Stoochy.

I think he would know. It's pronounced Stoochy. So I'm the Stoochy Brothers Brothers and it's two of me and- One of you. Yeah, and we're awesome. And it's like, you know what they don't do enough of? It's like we're twins and I play both roles, but one of them is short.

It's like usually you don't do it enough. Like the movie Twins? Yeah. No, but like if it's the same actor, they don't really do that enough. Like they make them identical. And it's like, what if I was playing fraternal twins? Like that's funny.

That's true. Like in the social network. Things are slightly off. Yeah. I tried to watch the social network. That was a tough movie for me. I watched it when I came out and liked it. So I don't know what I would think now.

I didn't get through it. I like your casting, Lauren. I would just change Gloria from me to Cardi B. Oh, that would be really good. Okay, well, do you wanna be one of the Stooky Brothers with me? Yes, I would like that very, very much. All right, which one of you guys are gonna be?

Cause you have to choose now. You can't just show up on the day. Yeah, what are their names? Stooky A and Stooky B. They actually don't have names on the thing. I'll be B. They don't have names? Theyooky A and Stooky B. They actually don't have names on them. I'll be B. They don't have names?

They are simply the Stookies. I'll be A, I guess. That works. One of them recently passed away. I'm very sorry to hear that. Well, that's sad. Yeah. Okay, well, time for kiss cam.

Ah! Perfect transition. This is, I know. Oh yeah, I should have blown my whistle. Time for Kiss Cam. I don't want to like blow Ferris's ears out. Oh, I've been really just going for it. Name the best smooch from the movie or who you wish you saw smooch on the big screen.

You nasty little sluts. Jesus. I mean, thank you. So it's obviously the Stookies going at it. Yeah, you wish they were going at it. I mean, obviously Rosie and Woody have great chemistry. Really felt like they were a couple, okay? Who I wish I saw.

Yeah, what do you wish? Wesley Snipes, I wish I saw a little kissing from Wesley. He looks so fucking good in this movie. I think he kissed his wife. A little peck. Some little kisses here and there. No, I wanted him full, I wanted a sex scene from Wesley. I felt like we could've- Oh, isn't there one?

When Billy goes home after the dunk contest, he's like in a sad state with Rosie. And then I thought they show Sydney back at home with his wife. They do, they do. There is actually a sex scene because I remember they show their, they show his back and her hands all over it. Oh, my bad.

But you don't see as much as you do in the Rosie and Woody scenes. You kind of just, it's implied more than anything. And I don't want implications. I want facts, evidence. You don't want penetrations. Say it. Hoo, hoo, hoo.

Hoo, hoo, hoo. Okay, this is the part you really wanted You don't want penetrations. Say it. Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Okay, this is the part you really wanted to happen earlier, Amir. This is the scoreboard. It's time for reviews. Score, score, score. As always, we are going to read reviews from Letterboxd,

and then we're each gonna give a one sentence review ourselves and a star rating. And Letterboxd, if you don't know, is a social platform where people can write reviews of films, And then we're each going to give a one sentence review ourselves and a star rating and letterboxed if you don't know is a social platform where people can write reviews of films and we're on there at letter or at we're not at letterbox. We're at letterbox. We were the first account. We created the website.

So they should have squatted it. Are you on letterboxed? I'm not actually. I wanted to make a letterboxed one time during the pandemic as well, because I don't watch a lot of movies, but it would just be like, I don't know, everywhere, everywhere, all at once. And like this movie is random. And then that's the only review for any movie on the entire thing.

But I didn't even do that. I'm off. I'm off that app. You should do it. I think you should do it. Okay. If you're listening to this, follow me on letterbox to read that one review of the one movie. And what's your username?

Letterboxd, but with three Xs. Oh, so people are gonna think it's only porn reviews. Correct, but it's for everywhere, everywhere, all at once. What is that movie called? Everything, everywhere, everywhere. Wait, what is it? Everything, everywhere, all at once. It's a good everything. Oh yes.

It's a good movie. So good. Well, this is a three and a half star review by Lydia Roberts. Haters. Oh wow. Audibly said, drip every time Snipes, Harrelson and Perez wore a new outfit.

Okay. So okay, Lydia only cares about the clothes, but that's still got a pretty good score. Imagine sitting in your house just going drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Stylish movie for sure. It is. And that's the thing.

Now the kids can appreciate this. So this is a time for it to come back. Yup, those kids rowdy at the Santa Monica, or no, the Venice beach. They're being rowdy and they can appreciate the fashions. They're probably selling neon shirts over there, I'm sure, not that I'll ever see it again. No, I end up over there.

I feel like Venice Beach is a place you end up at. Correct. For various reasons. Where someone's like, here, let's go out to eat. You pick the place and they pick somewhere on Venice Beach and you're like, okay, I guess I'm driving. Yeah. Very far. I actually just remembered I had a job for a day

that was like a one-time gig to work for Burt's Bees and hand out lip balms. What we had to do, we all had to wear yarn beards. So we looked like Burt. And then we had to ride, there were like bikes that were attached to smoothies machines, like blenders. And if you rode the bike that made a smoothie. And so we had to like,

No wonder you hate Venice Beach, listen to this. You had a nightmare job there. This is insane. I probably made like a hundred to $200. I have to hope. I probably made like a hundred thousand dollars. I'm like, I'm praying it was a hundred because I'm like, it had to be worth whatever.

No more wage at least. Yeah, I mean like, you know what I'm saying? But it was, yeah, we handed out lip balms and I pocketed like 20 lip balms and I had them for years cause they still were good. Then I think you got paid more than $100. Sold them on eBay for $3 a tube. You got paid in moisturized lips. It was a crazy day.

It was a crazy day. This is your letter box reviewed. Focus. Okay, Amir. Again, Anya and Allie are also going to give reviews. And if anybody wants to go first, please do so. Amir, would you like to go first? What makes a perfect film? Gosh many things

the writing, the acting, the direction, the subject, the twists and turns of this story, the way the lines are delivered, everything is just handed to you perfectly and it ends with a beautiful not thud but fart that leaves you wanting even more, though I'm glad they never made a sequel, five stars. Wow. Okay. Beautiful review. Thank you.

Who would like to go next? I'll throw mine into the ring. Perfect 90s story. Competition. Sports. And the threat of being shot in the head. Five stars. Oh, they can go up to five? Shit.

What'd you say? Did you say four? I said four. I thought it was out of four. I thought you said five. I thought you said five too. Okay, good. I think you said five.

I did say five. You said five. You gave it four. I think it said five. I did say five. You said five. You gave it four. I think it's a five star. It's a super fun watch. Very enjoyable. Anya, Ali. No pressure.

I'm, I cannot, we haven't talked about this at all. I'm so nervous to hear what you think. I'm gonna go with three and a half stars. Out of five? Yeah. I'm gonna say not a slam dunk, but close. And honestly, if Amir wasn't here, well, no, I just I hope this doesn't affect like my paycheck. You would go lower if you.

Wow. I just I thought it was good, but I didn't. Well, yeah, I guess if I'm being completely honest, I wasn't like I wasn't like believable. I wasn't like you made Lauren change me. I wasn't like- It's unbelievable. I wasn't like- You made Lauren change me equal. I wasn't like jumping up and down, like I can't believe what's happening. But I felt like if it's on- Yeah, but that's the bar. What movie are you doing that to?

Jumping up and down, I can't believe what's happening? What are you at Cirque du Soleil? It's a fucking movie. But if it's on TV again, I would be, I would not change the channel. I'm like, I like it. I'm in. That's three and a half stars.

That's five. For me it's five. Oh, you said five? Three and a half is a seven out of 10. I went hard, but I think Amir influenced me a lot. Like I feel- I'm fucking scared now to say my truth. Like I feel like- He's being a review Nazi.

Well, this is what's crazy is that, like, every season I always hem and haw over my star number because I feel like, okay, if I'm going to say this is five, that means the rest. But because this is our... I think this is our first season where the movies aren't connected to each other. So it's not like I'm reading them against each other.

I'm just saying, did I like it? You know, like, normally it's like, if it's not like I'm reading them against each other. I'm just saying, did I like it? Normally it's like, if it's out of all of the Star Wars, then I would say this one's my favorite. I can't name which one right now, but you know. It's better than every Star Wars Marvel Batman movie. I do think it is better than all of Star Wars. I'm gonna say.

Star Wars, five stars. I'm gonna say. Better than Star Wars, five stars. I'm gonna say. Can that be your review? Yup. Better than five Star Wars. Four stars, better than Star Wars. Four stars, better than Star Wars. Oh wait, okay, here's my real review.

Four stars, better than Star Wars. I really like this story of a real romance between two men and a ball. That's what you call Rosie Perez. No, no. Ball is in good time. No, ball is in basketball. That man gave up Rosie Perez for basketball

and his new friend that he barely knows. That is true. I'm gonna give it four stars and say, this is how I wanna dress this summer. And I wish a one star missing because we don't see Rosie sneak onto the lot. Yes. Yes. We knew that.

Allie, also you sound like you're in a well. Do I? I think Riverside, whatever we're on, is like making you two both seem like you're just like far away from everything. I muted them because they gave it less than five stars. That's all. Wow, Amir, dominating. It's awesome. you're just like far away from everything. I muted them because they gave it less than five stars. Wow, Amir, dominating.

That's awesome. Call me Eddie, the King for Rue and Duck Johnson because I'm dominating. We're gonna call you all of that. Yeah, I guess you can choose one or the other. Wait, Amir, have you seen Eddie? That's a basketball movie I've seen. I have, yeah, I have seen Eddie.

Did you like it? I did, Rick Fox is in Eddie. Yes he is, how many stars would you give Eddie? I would give it five and a half. You don't say it out loud, but he's coming up the middle finger. I would give it four. Okay, that's good.

Oh, you think Eddie is better than this movie? I think so. Oh, I gotta watch Eddie. Well, you can't, it's good. You think Eddie's better than this movie? I think so. Oh, I gotta watch Eddie. Well, you can't, it's not streaming anywhere. You gotta buy the VHS and a VHS player like I did. Okay, that's way too much work. $300 to watch Eddie. I can't believe that is how that went down.

Can you just digitize it for us? Yeah, why don't you just put that line? You too. You know I don't know how to do any of that. Just shoot it on your phone and just live stream it. It's just shaky and I'm laughing. TikTok live stream of Eddie. Everybody, if you're watching this,

TikTok live stream of Eddie's happening tonight. It's like part 57, who the fuck did I marry? Eddie. And it's just like you doing clips of Eddie. All right, I'll do it. Amir, do you have anything you wanna plug? Watch White Man Can't Jump if you haven't yet and listen to newcomers as Nicole and Lauren

talk about movies that aren't quite as good as White Man Can't Jump, but hopefully are as close to as good as that movie. Thank you for plugging us. Yes, that was so kind. Keep listening, keep listening. And please listeners, write a review for newcomers on Apple Podcasts and rate our podcast on Spotify.

Of course, five stars only. And we'll be back next week with Rudy. What is a Rudy? I don't know. I've heard about this a lot. I feel like there's a really important catch of a football happening in this one. Another sports movie in Indiana. Okay. Okay. That's all I'll say. of a football happening in this one. Another sports movie in Indiana. Oh, okay.

That's all I'll say. Okay, well, everybody say Newcomers on three. One, two, three. Newcomers! Newcomers is a HeadGum Original hosted by us, Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus. Our executive producer is Anya Kanovskaya. Our producer is Ali Khan. Our theme music, editing, sound mixing and mastering is done by Faris Monshi.

Listen to new episodes wherever you get your podcasts every Tuesday. That was a Headgum Original.