Newcomers: Sports, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (w/ Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell)

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Things take an animated turn for Lauren and Nicole when they get into 1993’s Mask of the Phantasm with special guests Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell (Doughboys). This movie has everything: Kevin Conroy’s legendary voiceover work as Batman, Mark Hamil’s interpretation of the Joker, and a gorgeous 78 minute runtime. Yes please!Next week's movie: Batman Forever (1995). Follow Nick: Instagram, TwitterFollow Mike: InstagramListen to Nick and Mitch’s podcast, Doughboys, also on Headgum! Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Nicole and Lauren to read on the pod!Follow the podcast on Letterboxd.Advertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. This Christmas, for the first time, America's most exciting and legendary motion picture hero comes to the screen like you've never seen him before. The Bat! In an all-new, larger-than-life feature film. Now, the Dark Knight confronts his newest and most menacing villain. Your angel of death awaits.

The Phantasm. I want you. and faces his greatest danger. Can't be too careful with all those weirdos around. A sorry new adventure. Batman. Mask of the Phantasm. The animated movie.

Coming for a Christmas you'll never forget. Batman Mask of the Phantasm I'm Nicole Byer And I'm Lauren Lapkus And this season we are covering the Batman movies. Yup. This is the fourth episode of the sixth season. We're working our way through the movies of the Batman universe with the help of newcomers, super fans, and maybe people who've contributed.

Now, there are going to be 14 episodes this season, culminating in a very exciting live stream episode. Every time you say very exciting, it does look like... Because I'm also like, what are we doing? I actually don't know. So I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like really pushing it, but I'm like, I don't know. I don't know either. I know we've been told. So again, our memories are not amazing, but okay,

we'll cover as much as we can get to, but this is an overview of the franchise. We can't get to everything. We certainly can't. There's so much Batman. So we're going to discuss today, our first animated movie of the season. This is the 1993 Batman Mask of the Phantasm starring Kevin Conroy.

Yep. Okay. So Mask of the Phantasm is available with a subscription to Max, Hulu, Prime Video. You can watch it for a fee on Apple TV or Google Play or Vudu. We're going to spoil it. Yeah, obviously. So we're so excited for our guests today. The Doughboys.

Nick Weiger is a comedian, writer, and producer of shows like At Midnight, I Love You America, and co-hosts the podcast How Did This Get Played? Mike Mitchell is a comedian, writer, and actor who has appeared in Love and The Tomorrow War. And you were really good in that. You were. They come together to eat and be funny on the HeadGum podcast, Doughboys, which I'm a super fan of. It's a great podcast. Welcome back, you guys.

Thanks for being here. Thank you for having us. What a treat. Thank you for having us. It was a true treat. I'm very, I mean, we'll get into it. I'm just going to say, like, Anya told me what you were doing for the, you were doing Batman. Told me the topic.

And I immediately said, are you doing Mask of the Phantasm? Like a little bit of like a little shit eating grin. And she was, I think, guilted into saying like, do you want a guest on it? So you made this happen. I kind of made this happen.

And then she was like, you too, Mitch. I was like, what the fuck? I got to do this too? Yup. You're a pair. I mean, I'm happy to see you too, but I've never.

You have no connection to this film. I have no to see you two but I you have no connection to this film I have no connection to the film I never have even seen it until last night but you're my friend you're my good friend

and I always thought it would be like this is a way you can watch that movie and we can get a fresh take yeah and you don't do anything without him

that's true that's very true which honestly is helpful like you can be like I can't do it if Nick can't do it like it is good he said he couldn't

so wait Nick are you a Batman head well okay I like Batman a lot I'm not like a Batman super freak but this is my favorite Batman movie I think this is this movie this is your favorite Batman

you like it more than Batman Returns which so far is my favorite Batman Return of all of them? You like it more than Batman Returns, which so far is my favorite? Batman Returns is great. Also another good one. That's not even the hottest of takes. There are a lot of Batman fans who say this is the apex of Batman cinematically. This is the best Batman version. A lot of that is affinity for Kevin Conroy, who you mentioned, who's the voice of Batman, who is, I think, the best Batman. And he passed away last year, right?

Fairly recently, yes. I remember reading that and he was fantastic. That's interesting. Is that a big part of why people love this one so much, because it's him? I think there's a fandom for Batman the Animated Series, which is the movie of the animated series, which a lot of people love.

Which I did watch, by the way. You also watched, yes. I watched it, yeah. And I watched that as a kid, and I love that series, and I think that's again, which a lot of people love. Which I did watch, by the way. You also watched, yes. I watched it, yeah. And I watched that as a kid, and I love that series, and I think that's like, again, a great representation of Batman.

I think there's also a little bit of the, like, hmm, it's my, oh, my favorite is Batman Mask of the Phantasm. Like, that is my favorite,

but I think there's a little bit of the, like, what, I'm a true fan, so I have a little bit of an off the beaten path. A bit of sophistication? Yes, exactly,

yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah. This is straight to DVD, is that what it DVD? No, this was released theatrically. Really? What? People left their homes for this? This was in the

theater? Well, not enough people. It kind of bombed. But they had, this was, they were going to be, I think it was going to be a two or three part episode, and then they were like, well, let's make this a direct-to-video movie, and then they were like, you know what, let's release it theatrically. And it wasn't direct-to-DVD because it was pre-DVD. In fact, I own the VHS of this movie.

I feel that it was wrong to put it in theaters. I agree, too. It just doesn't feel like it would be in theaters. Well, it's like the 1966 movie in between the first and second season. They released that in theaters, and that didn't do well. We're experts, by the way. Let's do it again.

We are. I know so much. So in 1966, like Batman. Wait, experts, by the way. Let's do it again. We are. I know so much. So like in 1966, like Batman. Wait, Mitch, are you a bat head? I like Batman quite a bit. I don't know if I would be a bat head, but I loved the anime. You're a fat head.

Bubble head. Peanuts character head. They should be Dove voice fat heads. Remember fat heads? Oh my God. The posters you put on your wall? They were cool. No, what is that?

It was very much, it was definitely a dude thing. It was a dude thing. Yeah, it was a dude thing. What were they of? Like, Farrell Fawcett? If you want to do a fat head season of newcomers, I'll totally guest on it. Wait, what is a fat head? A fat head was like a, it's basically like a big poster.

Yeah, almost like a big sticker. It was kind of like a standee-sized sticker of something you were a fan of. So you get like Allen Iverson on your wall. Exactly. James Worthy. I had James Worthy. You had a fathead? I think it would maybe even be bigger.

They're pulling up fatheads. This is wild. I've never heard of this in my whole life. Do fatheads still exist? No, that's not a fathead. Oh, down lower. Yeah, there they are. Okay, my neighbor had one of these.

There's a dog fat head. That's like John Cena or something. Oh, so it's like a cutout. Yeah, it's like a standee of a guy, but you put it on your wall in your bedroom. Wow. There's a sticker for it that says Shrek fat head. I would do a Shrek one. That one's awesome.

Oh my God, if you had Shrek next to your bed. That rocks. That's actually amazing. That's so funny. Look at the one with his wife. Look at Shrek with his wife. That's cute. That's so his dear wife.

Did they ever have a baby? Did they ever have a Shrek baby? They should have had a donkey. We talked about this, but Shrek should have become human. I know that that was like a plot of the set. He should have stayed human. He becomes human in Shrek 2. I know.

He does? He does. He becomes human in Shrek 2, and then he realizes it's not who he's supposed to be. He's supposed to be- What does human Shrek look like? Like Mitch. Honestly, he does. He looks like a handsome big guy.

He looks like Mitch. I don't want to see- And a doodling human Shrek for us. Like when the beast is a man. Oh, it's disgusting. It's disgusting. It's like, I'm attracted to want to see. I don't like when the beast is a man. It's like disgusting. It's like, I'm attracted to the beast now. Don't change. Like, don't be a guy. Yeah. A blonde

guy. I was like, he's not blonde. Kind of too pretty. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. On your, pull up human track. I'm afraid of what will come up. Oh, he actually is kind of hot. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, he actually is kind of hot. Yeah, he's handsome. Okay, yeah, he can get it.

All right, never mind. And the ladies love him. His chin is like a little too much. I take back what I said, though. And maybe the teeth I don't love. If it was between him and Monster Shrek, which one are you? Ooh. Monster Shrek.

I take the guy. There's Shrek with a human body and the Shrek head there. Well, that is a kink for someone. Now that's what I want. Best of both worlds. Best of both worlds. Okay, well, that's safe. But Fiona turns into the Shrek head there. That's kind of interesting. Best of both worlds. Best of both worlds. Fiona turns into a Shrek? She turns into...

That is her real form. She was a Shrek all along. A lady. Yeah. She was a lady who then turned into a Shrek. Oh, what? Yeah, he rescues her, they kiss, and then she turns into a Shrek.

Yeah, wouldn't you be like, you turn me into a monster and be mad? But they look alike, so it's just like how couples... Look, I don't think I got the message of the story. I knew this was going to happen when I asked you if you wanted to do this show with me. Turn into a fucking Shrek newcomer. We're going to talk about Batman. We're talking Shrek 2.

All right, to answer the question, I am a bit of a bat head. I watched the animated series. I never saw this movie because my parents were probably like, no, we're not going to go take you to a 75 minute animated movie. So I never, I didn't see this. I did not see this in theaters. I didn't see it in theaters either. In fact, I like, I didn't see this until I was out on a home video.

Not many people saw this in theaters. In fact, I don't think I even knew it was, it had a theatrical run at the time. I mean, we'll get into all of it, but the, it's a pretty slow vibe. It's so slow. It's like, there's's a second between each line. Yes. All of the Batman things I have watched, the second half of the movies seem good. And I'm like, why can't the first half be interesting?

Yeah. This one, I really didn't see the twist coming, but I guess I'm dumb. You're not dumb. You're not dumb. Oh, it's well written. Yeah, it's well done. Yeah. You're not dumb.

That's why I didn't know. It's written. Yeah, it's well done. Yeah. You're not dumb. That's why I didn't know. It was just so confusing. It was so well done. Yeah. So, okay. Let's just talk about your DC comic connection. Do you care about other things besides Batman? Or is it kind of just like you're dipping your toe here and there?

I like the DC verse. I liked DC and I think I lean towards DC movies. I also have chocolate on my shirt. I want to point it out in case people see it. All right. It doesn't look like chocolate. I can't really tell. It looks like makeup or something.

Yeah, it looks like your makeup came off. A woman's eyes smeared on you. No, it was chocolate. It was a kind bar. We discussed that. It was part of a kind bar. It's not even fun chocolate. No, I know.

It's not fun. That's what I said. It's healthy chocolate. It's good for kind. It's a fun chocolate. No, I know. It's not fun. That's what I said. It's a healthy chocolate. I'm sorry. It's good for you. It's actually really healthy. Yeah. I ate one right before bed.

It's actually really healthy. Also, we don't post video of this show. Oh. But don't we do a little in the- We do clips, but like- Why did you tell Mitch that? I really enjoyed him looking at the camera. That could be the whole clip.

He's really playing to the camera. That's not going to be a use of it. I got chocolate on here. They don't care. Goes into a file. I was a DC guy, but I love Spider-Man. Spider-Man and X-Men were both big for me. So a little of the Marvel.

What's your favorite DC person? Batman. Oh, okay. We went through this. It's Batman, Superman, Spider- Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman. The Flash.

Aquaman. The Flash is in there. Spider-Man's not. Spider-Man's not. Spider-Man is Marvel. Are there black people in DC? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm trying to think of who specifically. There was one guy in Batman. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to think of who specifically. I'm trying. There was one guy in Batman. One of the Green Lanterns. Oh, yeah. Ah. Which guy? In Batman,

or Batman Returns. Which one was it? Where he's not the mayor or he's something. I can't remember. Oh, Two-Face is played by, in the first Batman, is played by the great

Billy Dee Williams. Right. Yeah. Jinx. Okay, and then are you more of a DC or Marvel guy? See, here's the thing. I'm not much of a comics guy. I really like my fandom of Batman is through the movies and TV shows.

I had to look down and see what this was. I didn't know if it was a comic-related shirt. Yeah, what is this? No, this is Bobby Bacala from The Sopranos. Nice. It's a great shirt. It's really good. God bless you.

Yeah, so I never, like, I read some of the, like, it's a great shirt it's really good God bless you yeah so I never like I read some of the like I know some of the bigger you know like well known Batmans like the what was it

the Dark Knight Returns or like Year One but it's not like I have this comprehensive knowledge of the character what's Year One? it's okay so Year One is partially

adapted in this movie and it's like this was like Batman starting off it was one is partially adapted in this movie. And it's like, this was like Batman starting off. It was like his first go at it. So he's like, when he's got the shitty suit, he doesn't have the actual Batman cowl. And he's just trying to figure it out. That's kind of year one shit.

I like cowl. Year one, I thought about that Caveman movie. Yeah. That was a comic too. That was also a comic. Based on Batman. All right, well, let's give our quick thoughts. I think it's kind of clear where we stand. Before we get into the whole movie, Nicole.

This movie was awful. Okay. Wow. I don't think I can be convinced otherwise. It was confusing. It was slow. They had a black character say, you can't say the m word to him and i was like what a wild choice i didn't even see that it's when the women were together and

i was like this is nuts that's crazy i wrote it down and i was afraid to even i was like it's so weird that i was afraid to bring it up but i was like i was like watching i was like this is weird right it was so bizarre what was was the M word? Marriage. And then another lady's like, what about the I word? And they're like, what? And she's like, engagement. This lady needs help. This is insane because I had subtitles on and was staring at the TV, never looking away, and I don't know what you're talking about.

So this is the sequence where he's having a gala and he's got two babes on his arms. Oh, like, this is, so this is the sequence where he, like he's having like a gala and he's got like two babes on his arms and they're all like talking to him. I was actually talking during that

because I was like, is Betty and Veronica from DC? Because these look like Betty and Veronica. And Mike was like, I don't know. And I was like,

okay. Wait, are they DC? I don't know. I think they're Archie comics. They're Archie comics, but there's some weird crossover with Archie.

That's why I think there's a DC crossover. I vaguely feel like that on the comic book or something. Yeah. But I don't know. They're certainly not directly referenced here. Maybe it's an homage. I thought they looked like them, so I talked directly over those lines. It would be funny if Archie came to Batman's party, Bruce Wayne's party.

That would be cool. I would like a mashup. All right. Well, let's take a quick break. Oh, wait. We didn't hear Nick. That would be cool. I would like a mashup. All right, well, let's take a quick break. Oh, wait, no, we didn't hear Nick. You obviously love it. And I had a hard time. And you've had such an open mind this whole time.

I really have. And I've enjoyed everything up till now enough. And I was excited because it was, what, 70 minutes? That got us really excited. Watching it, it felt like eight hours. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

I didn't, my first watch, I didn't love it, I guess, is my thought on it. But we'll get into it. Okay. Let's take a break. We'll be back with our Batman summary, where we will hear every single thing that happens in this. We both think that the cameras are rolling. He's giving thumbs up.

Actually, I glanced at that. It's hard not to look at that. Yeah, because there's cameras. Yeah. And it's nice. And we're performers. And we're like, hmm. Okay, we're back.

Batman, Mask of the Phantasm. It was released December 20th. Christmas Day? Christmas Day. 1993. Who's leaving their home? Is that a bold choice? On Christmas Day? Yeah, that's... Presents. Or Isn't that a bold choice? On Christmas Day, you have presents.

Or do they throw things there that they think won't do well? I mean, like, what's the... There are big Christmas Day releases. I feel like that's always like, here's a big, like, we're going to try a big swing on Christmas. I think, like, that was a bad idea with this movie. Yeah. Again, yeah, it's just like, i don't know when you released this movie honestly i think maybe just in 1993 you just don't release it theatrically i think yeah that i think that's

the problem but i also think summer would be better for i think summer would have been better this is written by alan paul martin and michael okay no last names guys directed by eric radomski and bruce tim okay so thank you again to to the Batman fandom wiki for help with this summary. We love you guys. We love you. They're going to be so mad. They used our info against us on this episode. So when Batman, Ken Conroy, was that what it was?

Kevin Conroy. Okay. When Batman, Ken Conroy bust that what it was Kevin Conroy okay when Batman Ken Conroy busts a counterfeiting operation gangster Chucky Soul

was it Kevin it's Kevin it says Ken exactly yeah honestly Batman fandom wiki yeah yeah

that's their typo it was just so funny because you were like Ken Conroy is it Kevin and then Wagger was like yes you went

Ken Conroy I said Ken I didn't know thatagger was like, yes, he went, Ken Conroy. I said Ken? I didn't know that. It was really funny. Oh, I didn't even hear myself. I didn't get why you guys laughed. That's so funny. Okay.

Okay, when Batman, Kevin Conroy, busts a counterfeiting operation, gangster Chucky Soul, Dick Miller, attempts to make his getaway on wheels from a high-rise parking garage. Chucky is confronted by a figure in a cape

which he assumes to be Batman. It is not. Sol tries to run down the threat with his car, smashes through the wall of the parking structure, and crashes into an adjoining building, dying on impact. We assume, I guess. Witnesses jump to the conclusion that the culprit is Batman. Fueling the anti-bat

bias is Councilman Arthur Reeves, played by Hart Buckner. Reeves is contacted by an old friend, Andrea Beaumont, Dana Delaney, who is heading into Gotham City. Now, Andrea's very hot. Yeah. Cartoon character hot. Very, very beautiful. It's got, and also like,

you know, a big part of what I like about Batman the Animated Series and this movie is it kind of got this like retro Art Deco aesthetic. I like that. Is this actually sexy? No, it is. Well, no, but this movie. Tits, ass, sexy, butt, sexy. This movie is sexy. This movie is horny.

It is. And she's like in her, in this like sort of 50s look, she's got like those 50s pointy boobs. Pointy boobs. Which is like a very specific. Sweater girls, as they call them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're called sweater girls?

There was a term in the 1940s. It was like a, was it a 40s or even a 30s thing? Sweater girls, and they would wear, it's like when they had big busts. Oh, and it would be like buttoned right under the chin,

and then like. They're pointy. They were just like, they're sweater girls. Help me out here, Anya. It's real. No, you're right. It's a 40s. It's a 40s thing, okay. And that's what, it's like It's real. Keep saying it. Sweater girls. We all know what you're talking about. No, you're right. It's the 40s.

It's a 40s thing. Okay. And it's like they would wear tight sweaters. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like a good time of sweater girls. I wish I lived in the 40s. You getting horny about sweater girls?

Andy, as they call her, is a babe. Andy, as you call her? As Batman calls her. Okay. She's a babe. Andy, as you call her? As Batman calls her. She's a babe. Very attractive. So Batman... There's a sweater girl. That's hot. It makes sense. But then I think what confuses me a little bit

is once you take the bra off, you don't have pointy boobs anymore. No, then you're disappointed. You're like, why are these round? Why are they not pointy and hard? So Batman... I'm always questioning that yeah i mean not batman who's asking her so arthur reeves asks andrea whether she's planning on looking up her old friend bruce wayne dropping the in-flight magazine with bruce on the cover she calls the relationship ancient history but a flashback tells otherwise well Well, yeah. I have questions about. I have questions about. I have questions about timeline.

So are we. Yes. That's a huge question. Are we in. Are they in college? Well, during the flashbacks. Yeah. Yeah.

I think they're like, you know, it's just early life. I don't know if it's specifically college. Because she's like, I see him on campus. Yeah. She said campus at one point. But Bruce seems past college. Yeah. And also the flashbacks seem like they see him on campus. Yeah, she said campus at one point, but Bruce seems past college. Yeah. And also the flashbacks seem like they're 40 years ago.

Yeah. Like there's one gangster who now in the present day is like, I'm old. And played by Abe Vigoda. And then the flashbacks, he's like a young man. But they don't make Andrea and Batman look younger. No, not at all. It was like 20 years passage of time or so, something like that. 20 years?

Yeah. So Batman's 40 in this? Yeah, I mean, I always thought this was like an older Batman. The animated series Batman seems a little bit more world weary,

like he's seen some shit, you know? But 40? To start fighting crime? And like, why can't he get- Oh no, sorry. No.

In the flashback, he's not 40. Yeah, he's not 40 in the flashback. Oh God, Jesus Christ. Yeah, he has like a midlife crisis. He's like, I think I want to be a Batman. Okay, while visiting his parents' grave, a young Bruce Wayne overhears a young Andrea.

Is it Andrea or Andrea? No, but they said Andrea. There was a very specific way. Because I really was going, why is it like that? I never hear that name. Yeah, Andrea. Everyone said it. Not there was a very specific way. Cause I really was going, why is it like that? I never hear that name. Andrea. Everyone said it like visiting weird, specific, very specific. She was visiting her mother's grave, talking to her as though she was still alive.

The two strike up a conversation and sparks fly. Cause that's where I hit on people. And also he kept being like, who are you talking to? I was like, she's clearly talking to a grave. What don't you get? You just did the same thing around that grave. She's like, she simply can't be doing what I'm doing.

No, no, I heard my name. And it's like, she's talking about you to the grave. Yeah. But that was also weird to be like, Bruce Wayne just said hello to me. It's like, you don't have to talk to the grave that much.

And it's also like, the grave knows he did. If they hear you, then yeah. That night, Bruce dons a ski mask that much. And it's also like the grave knows he did if they hear you. Yeah. That night Bruce dons a ski mask and thwarts a group of thieves hijacking a truck of goods. The next morning Bruce

is recuperating and practicing his jujitsu on the lawn. That was so lame of him. It was so lame. He's like, I'm doing jujitsu. It's Napoleon Dynamite-y. She's like, what are you doing? And he's like jujitsu and then like not paying attention to her I know

it's such a dork but then she fucking gets him she fucking turns the table I like that part she flipped his ass and that's a clue

of like hmm maybe there's more to her than what's on yeah in fact she does that same throw as the fucking

phantasm oh does she yeah she does I wasn't paying that much attention by the way I was at my dad's grave

talking that's how Weiger and I met I was at my dad's grave talking. That's how Weiger and I met. He came up and was like, who are you talking to? I'm talking to this guy. You're like, I wish I could eat fast food and get paid for it. What'd you say? Who are you talking to, me? No, I was talking to my dad in his grave.

Oh, I thought you were talking to me. Oh, this guy just came over and talked to me. Huh? Huh? over and talk to me huh um so andrea visits and to his surprise she shows him a few moves moves of her own laughing he kisses her this is funny alfred truly was like drinks never mind alfred's so in on like what batman's up to with women like he's always like so yeah now it's not a good time so you're gonna be fucking going out tonight and you're like, so now's not a good time? So you gonna be fucking or going out tonight? As a bat or as a man to fuck?

Which one of you is on tonight? He's kind of the ultimate wingman. That's what I want out of a butler. No pun intended. He's a creep. He's like, I'll be leaving now and then he comes back.

Lord, that guy. He's like intentionally coming in while he thinks they're gonna be fucking. Yeah, he wants to see something. I mean, we can assume Alfred's not getting any, right? No, he's a butler. You know he's jacking off.

Every win. I don't call jacking off getting some. Oh, yeah, me neither. I got some last night. It was so hot. What was she like? My hand. Have you talked about on the podcast while we're in horny country,

have you talked about on the Batman series yet how Batman does not eat pussy? Like that's a thing that DC has said. He says that? DC had made it a rule that Batman does not perform oral sex. What? So this is a thing that. But is he getting blowjobs? Are we even seeing that much action?

Wait, and why would that come up? So here's what happened. It's viral, too. You've seen what happened to Michael Douglas, dude. I'm not doing that. So here's what happened. There's a Harley Quinn show that was on HBO Max. That's a cartoon, right?

Yeah, that's an animated series. And Justin Halpern, who's one of the people who made it, had talked about in an interview and note he got from the network because they had a reference in it that was about in a script that was about Batman going down on Catwoman and DC like came

back hard on them and was like you have to take that out. Batman does not perform oral sex. Like you cannot say that about this character. Can they say he had sex with her? Can they say... I want to know what the rules are. They can be a little bit more vague, I guess,

but they can't say that Batman... Like, canonically, Batman does not eat pussy. That's so lame. That's like a DC universe restriction. So Batman just doesn't care about women's pleasure? Yeah. I guess not. It's also with that mask,

it's like the one thing he could do. Yeah. Yeah, truly. His mouth is so ready mask, it's like the one thing he could do. Yeah. Yeah, truly. His mouth is so ready. So ready. Just ready and open for it. I don't know. I feel like the rest of it's rubber, right?

And his nose is protected, you know, if he doesn't want to get the nose up in there. Maybe he's allowed to eat ass. Oh. Yeah, he does do that all night. I would be livid if a man bat would only eat my asshole. If you're with a billionaire bat guy who literally fights crime and is a six-pack hot dude and he's like, everything is basically perfect about him and he doesn't eat pussy, it's over. It's over.

It's like, I murder, but I can't lick up pussy. What? But he does eat ass, which is even weirder. He does only eat Alfred's ass. And that's why he stays around. So wait, your Google alert went off when fucking the news broke? This assertion of Batman eats pussy? First off, I know Justin Halpern, so that's partly how I heard about this, but it wasn't an interview.

And this was a fairly big thing. And actually, Zack Snyder, who directed a couple of Batman movies that you're going to cover, reacted to this by commissioning an artist to draw a picture of Batman going down on Catwoman. That's awesome. Give it to me, please. Can we see that? We can probably find that. Google, Google, we gotta see it. Zack Snyder, Catwoman, cunnilingus.

I'm not sure what you searched for. I feel like cunnilingus is gonna be... No, Catwoman, not Batwoman. Batman, Catwoman. There's a Batwoman? Eating pussy? Yeah, sure,woman. There's a Batwoman? Eating pussy? Yeah, sure. Eating that pussy.

We'll get to it, right? Yeah. Here we go. That's a really hot image. Honestly, Batman should eat pussy. That's actually really awesome. That's so hot. His caption is canon.

That's funny. Pretty funny. That's funny. Pretty funny. That's funny. Pretty funny. Zack Snyder's pretty good. You guys will find that out soon. Look, I don't know anything about anything, so I think that's funny and that's all I know. That's great.

Wait, which ones did he direct? Batman v. Superman, Dawn of Justice, and then there's the, I don't know if you're going to do Justice League, but there's a Snyder cut of the Justice League. I know those terms. I know those terms, too. I've seen them on Twitter. Who's his Batman? Ben Affleck. Hey, after seeing that picture,

I'm going to be getting some tonight. Yeah. From that little hand. So, back to our film. The little hand? To jerk off. I was adding to your joke. I was just so confused that you The little hand. Oh. To jerk off. I was adding to your joke.

I was just so confused that you said my hand was little. I was like, little hand. I mean. My hand's little? I mean. I have little hands. I don't know. I don't think so.

You got pretty big hands. I have big hands. Okay. So let's just talk about what's important. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Where were we hold your hands next to your hog and what looks so little yeah pull out your dick let's see what

your hands look like yeah that'll give us some perspective okay so i just want to quickly say within within six within like literally talking to this lady for six minutes most of which was cemetery talk and then doing jiu-jitsu's kissing her on the ground. It's very strange. That's kind of how it goes with him, though, I feel like. He gets pretty quick with these ladies. It's like Kim Basinger. Even the Catwoman. The Catwoman, yeah.

It's pretty quick. It's also horny. It is horny. I know. I'm fine with that part. Me too. I think this is paced kind of like a TV show. So it's like kind of things happen a little bit quickly,

a little bit in shorthand. But she does like mention this is the second time. It's very specific. But she comes in and she's like, you haven't called. Like she's kind of, you know, setting up that she's interested. Yeah, literally the only reason for her to kiss him is because he like violently turned the trip on her. And then she, I don't know why, I don't know what he did for her to like him.

He's fucking Bruce Wayne. He's a billionaire. If you have money and you knock me down, kiss me. And he's really hot. If you have money and you knock me down, kiss me. Let's just make sure everyone heard that. That's what I said. kissed me. Let's just make sure everyone heard that.

That's what I said. So, gangster Buzz Bronski, John P. Ryan, an old associate of Chucky's souls, visits Chucky's grave at night. Lots of grave visiting. Bronski is confronted by the same mysterious figure as before. Bronski falls into an open grave and the statue above it is tipped inside, crushing him to death.

His bodyguards arrive and see a figure in a cape leading them to believe Batman killed Buzz. He's always getting framed. Batman investigates and then visits his parents' grave, which he likes to do a lot. He turns a corner to find Andrea. I'm not judging him. I'm just saying he likes to do a lot.

He turns a corner to find Andrea, and Andrea notices the grave he was standing near and realizes who Batman is. Now, she puts it together really fast. Very fast. And I was like, every woman figures out that he's him. Uh-huh. Right.

Like, they always do. Is that part of it? That's why you can't get too close to anyone. Yeah, but then they know and then they're not. It's like, you have to keep someone close

if they figured it out. I'm like, then you better marry that person because now they know. I didn't want to do that. But then they're going to go out in the world and tell their friend,

like, he's fucking Batman. Yeah, but who's going to believe you? Yeah. If someone was like, my boyfriend's Batman they'd be like no yeah I guess that's true

he certainly is not one thing I do really like in this movie it's got like one of my favorite Batman like archetypes which is

the random goon who goes it's the bat it's got a lot of that it's got a lot of like random guys being like I ain't afraid of the bat oh no the bat I did notice that they called him the bat a lot of that. It's got a lot of random guys being like, I ain't afraid of the bat.

Oh, no, the bat. I did notice that. They called him the bat a lot. I love that. Which was kind of almost disparaging. It's kind of like, he's the bat. Exactly. It's dismissive.

It's rude. People are way too afraid of the bat costume, too, though, because he puts it on, and at one point, Alfred is like, oh, he's scared. I would be scared. It's not that scary. If that guy walked in here, I'd be scared right now. I would be scared. It's not that scary. If that guy walked in here, I'd be scared right now. I'd be scared of what he became. But I'd be scared for like active shooter reasons. Yes, exactly.

You'd be afraid that he was a murderer who was going to shoot us all. I saw this guy. I was driving in Chicago this summer along the lake. And just there's this guy dressed fully as the Joker just sitting on the fucking edge of the highway right by the lake. And I was like, that's the scariest shit I've ever seen. Yeah, that's terrifying. Just a man just sitting with a Joker makeup on just looking at the water. I'm like, what the fuck happened to you?

What's going on? I'm scared. I mean, what if Mike came downstairs in a full Batman costume and was like, I'm no Batman. I mean, divorce. If he really believed it. He was like, I'm no Batman. I mean, divorce. If he really believed it. He was like, I fight crime at night. That's a good voice. Thank you.

So, okay. Oh my God. Should I be Batman? Yes. That's the twist we need. I would love it. That'd be great. So, spying on Reeves and Andrea,

Batman has another flashback. Bruce and Andrea are dating and tour the Gotham World's Fair. Andrea takes him has another flashback. Bruce and Andrea are dating and tour the Gotham, Gotham World's Fair. Andrea takes him to meet her father, Carl Beaumont, Stacy Keech.

Keech? Oh yeah, Stacy Keech. Who is that? Yeah. He's a character actor who's in a bunch of shit. I can't think of

a specific role right now. I feel like he's referenced in something. Mm-hmm. He's got a great look. He's got like a classic like mustache. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like the dad on Succession. He's been a great look. He's got like a classic mustache. He looks like the dad on Succession.

He's been in a bunch of shit. Yeah, he's been in a ton of stuff. A high-powered Gotham businessman, Bruce also meets Young Reeves, a lawyer in Beaumont's company. Their meeting is crashed by mobster Salvatore's Abe...

Abe Vigoda. I like that technique, as if we won't notice that. Later Bruce and Andrea see a street merchant harassed by a gang. With his training he easily knocks out two of the gang but becomes distracted by Andrea allowing the gang to escape with the money. Batman realizes Sol and Bronski were partners in several joint dummy corporations run by Valestra.

In another flashback, Bruce proposes to Andrea and they're interrupted by a swarm of bats erupting from a hole in the ground by the manor. I liked the ring. I thought the ring that he proposed with was a beautiful diamond. Bruce, it looked like a ring pop. Bruce drops Andrea off at her home to tell her father the good news. Bruce and Velestra's chauffeur catch a quick glimpse of each other before Bruce leaves. The next morning, Bruce

climbs up from exploring the cave under the manor. Alfred tells Bruce that Andrea returned his ring, saying she has to leave. Heartbroken, Bruce dons the mask of Batman for the first time. Alfred serves as the only witness. Batman's war on crime begins. So I was always told, always told, the last couple episodes people were like,

he became Batman because his parents died. But this is saying he becomes Batman because a woman left him. Yeah. Which is true. Yeah, it's kind of a long, yeah. I think he was like, oh, okay, I'm going to be a vigilante. Like he's kind of starting to do that. That element is seated, but then he actually assumes the identity of the bat.

I'm going to be a different guy after he fucking has this different trauma. I got a message for the ring pop company. I know what this is. Make bigger rings so they can fit bigger people's fingers. I want to be able to put the ring pop on my finger. Is that true? They don't fit adult hands? With a little ring pop. I want to be able to put the ring pop on my finger. Is that true? They don't fit adult hands? With a little ring pop.

I'd love to see that. They're like, there's like a gap, but you can't bend it because it's plastic. It'll just break. It'll just break. Bigger ring pop. For the bigger finger ring pop. You got to make it. We need plus size ring pops.

We need plus size ring pops. Those could be really big again. Like that could be like a thing that people wear. Don't eat them. Just wear them. Just wear them. They get sticky and disgusting. There's like dust attached to it.

Okay. Where are we? Sorry to sidetrack about the ring pop. I'm glad you said that. You're supposed to sidetrack. That's otherwise. Oh boy. A hundred paragraphs left.

Valestra goes alone to meet the joker mark hamill which i'm like the joker comes so late he does come late but i feel like that's also kind of something with these movies where like there's like a whole new thing happening like kind of far into it i don't like it and i usually like that whole new thing better than the thing that happened before but mark hamill famously from star wars so our old, he's Luke. Oh, yes, Luke Skywalker. And our favorite movie. Love him, love him so much. I thought that was interesting that he was the Joker.

He's fucking great. Kevin Conroy I think is the best Batman. I think Mark Hamill's the best Joker. He's so fucking good. He's really good. Is he the Joker on the TV show? Yes, yeah. Okay.

On the animated series. Oh, cool. So it's all the same cast. It's the same cast, yeah. Oh, that's fun. And offers to hire him to kill Batman. Later that night, the shadowy vigilante enters Valestra's mansion to execute him, only to find Valestra has been poisoned by Joker venom. On Valestra's lap is a surveillance camera

and a radio from which comes Joker's voice. The vigilante leaps from the building's window just as the package in Valestra's lap is a surveillance camera and a radio from which comes Joker's voice the vigilante leaps from the building's window just as the package in Valestra's lap explodes Batman is confronted by a police task force and pursued into a construction site one officer shoots a propane tank and ignites an explosion

Batman escapes Andrea picks him up in her car later Andrea tells what really happened that night they saw each other I think that action sequence is really good Andrea picks him up in her car. Later, Andrea tells what really happened that night. They saw each other. I think that action sequence is really good. Just some really cool animation. I thought it was fun. Which one?

When he's kind of escaping. Huh? Or with the wrong part. The thing I just read. There's that cheese sequence, right? Or we had a different part in the movie. Oh, yeah. This was a whole thing.

That's fun. Yeah. So this is the kind of crazy twist. It starts to become a twist at this point. So Andrea returned home and found her father in the clutches of three mobsters, Sol, Bronski, and Valestra. They've discovered that he's embezzled their money and want him dead. Carl begs for one more chance, and Valestra agrees. Once they're gone, Carl tells Andrea they must leave town immediately. So he's like, I'll get it for you tomorrow, but in 24

hours. And he's like, we gotta leave the country. I can't get the money. We're gonna die. They're gonna kill you too, my daughter. I was like this. And he clutched her head like they were lovers. That part stressed me out. It's very stressful. Bruce realizes Carl has to find another way to rid himself and uh andrea of the mobsters and has been killing them uh the next

morning bruce and andrea promise to make their relationship work bruce looks over the photo of carl beaumont and the three gangsters and realizes valestra's chauffeur is the joker yeah and i also i thought that character, the chauffeur character was drawn more crudely than the other characters. I noticed that character. Oh, interesting.

But, um, I didn't get why. And then I was like, oh, cause he's the Joker or whatever. But I was like, I still feel like he was drawn

very like one line here, one line here. The other ones were more, did anyone notice that? I didn't. No, apparently not. Did we skip the part

where that man was in the car and he was like breathing in his oxygen tank and that man got out and he's like it's not healthy in here yeah yeah do we skip that part i don't know if that happened yet i don't know that really made me laugh yeah so in his office reeves fumes about the police's failure to catch batman and is confronted by the joker joker stabs reeves with a slow acting version of his Joker toxin. Reeves is rushed to the hospital and confesses. Beaumont enlisted

Reeves' help in getting himself and Andrea out of town. Beaumont refused to give any money for Reeves' election, so Reeves stole Beaumont's whereabout, told them, or sold them, to the mob. Batman goes to Andrea's empty hotel room. Batman sees a toy plane flying towards the room carrying a bomb,

dismantles it, and escapes. Andrea remembers discovering the Joker killed her father that fateful day. So Reeves, when he's in the hospital, he can't stop laughing, right? Yes. That was pretty funny because then they give him an injection, then Batman appears, and then he's laughing again. I was like, yeah, that's pretty funny. You calm down, and then you're like, a man dressed as a bat?

That's pretty funny. Must have listened to a Doughboys episode. To get those laughs. Jesus Christ. It's like, how am I going to laugh? Gotta listen to Doughboys. Inside his hideout, the Joker is confronted by the killer while eating a bolo sausage sliced by his cooking animatronic, Hazel.

So it's like Rosie from the Jetsons. Yes. It was so fucking random. You knew that she was going to be no good when you saw her with the big knife. You knew something was going to happen with this robot. But I was hoping she would be on the side of Andrea. I thought maybe

she was going to come to her death. That would be wild. So wild. I really was like, I hope the robot helps her, and then she tried to get her and I was like, huh? This is not what I expected. He deduces the vigilante is Andrea and the two fight. The Joker lures

her into the path of a gigantic aircraft engine. Batman arrives, crashes his bat cycle into the engine rotors and confronts Andrea. Andrea says she has nothing left except her revenge. Joker distracts Batman long enough to don a jet pack and escape.

Andrea reappears and Batman pleads for her to run as the fairground is wired to explode. She refuses. The ground beneath Batman collapses into a sewer line carrying him away. Later at the manor, the bat signal lights up the sky, and Batman swings off into the night. And that's it. Yeah.

It's so fun hearing you guys read this, because I can tell how little you liked it. It's so clear that you didn't like this one. I feel like at the beginning, I was i was like oh it's like a romance like there was like this love story happening but it's much more about like the sort of dark images of like guys getting away from each other and fighting and stuff and i'm yeah i mean i just don't care for that as much yeah um but i was kind of like okay is this canon like is this so when batman Kim Basinger or whatever, is like, he's already been like, I forget about Andrea right now. I'm with Valerie Vale or whatever.

They're all kind of different canons, I feel like. I think the Burton slash Schumacher movies are kind of their own thing, even though there's a shifting Batman. I do think that's kind of one continuity. But this is, the animated series is kind of its own thing. And it draws on some other sources. But that's the thing. It's like I think there's just like – there's so many different versions of Batman and they've got some overlap.

But I think you kind of – the way to think of them all is self-contained. All right. OK. Weird. Even though this has the Burton theme, the Danny Elfman theme as part of the animated series and it's in this movie a little bit. It's like, it's still not the same Batman. It's like a different version.

So every iteration of Batman is like a restart? Yeah, I think for the most part because it's like, you know, you'll get to the Nolan movies and those have nothing that carries over

from the Burton movies. They're kind of just their own thing. I guess that's a nice freedom for the people making them that you're not like trying to make everything make sense. This is my issue with Burton movies. They're kind of just their own thing. I guess that's a nice freedom for the people making them that you're trying to make everything make sense. This is my issue with the movies. I also didn't see it in 1993 or whatever,

but the origin story, I was like, I've seen this origin story so many times and this is kind of a boring version of it, I guess. Yeah. I think what's cool about it is that it's okay. This is a, because the whole thing about man is like, yeah, there's some,

his issues with like that, like what, what a solitary figure he is. Right. And how he can't really ever love or be loved. And this very much like imagines a different reality or like centers on like the, the other reality that could have been where he'd like found a partner and,

and had a normal life. And just like the flashbacks to that and then with each flashback, we're seeing that there's more and more distance between like what he hopes for and what can actually take place. And then we see him like – that he's in this solitary life by the end of it. I don't know. I think I – structurally, I like the romantic flashbacks. But again, I do have nostalgia for this movie from seeing it as a kid and also like I think it's just like a big part of the appeal

for this movie for me is like I just think it looks fantastic I just like love the aesthetic it looks cool and he was particularly sad in this movie

very very sad I feel like we haven't seen much sadness out of Batman yet so that was kind of interesting I was like oh he, he's lonely.

Lonely and just hanging out at graves. Michael Keaton didn't feel lonely, really. No, Michael Keaton was just like hot. He's like, I'm just doing my thing and then everyone smiles. He's got that curly jerry curl and making out with gals. I liked it.

I also love that he's a big dude in this. Yeah, he's huge. He's very big. Batman should be a big imposing like fucking unit of a dude well i will say michael keaton is 5'8 which i looked up oh and that always shocks me because i'm 5'10 and whenever i learn that someone that i've just like watched my whole life is shorter than me it really throws me for a loop like i'm just like it doesn't make sense how tall is michelle pfeiffer then she's 5'7 i I looked it all up. Oh, she seems much shorter.

I know. I wonder if they were doing Apple box tricks. Probably. Wait, are there any big Batmans? Well, Ben Affleck is tall, right? Affleck's big, yeah. Affleck's just, he's cool. Or he's more bulky.

I don't know how tall he is. He's big. How big is he? He's a big dude. But how big? I don't know. Boston big. Boston big.

Okay, 6'2". We're the same height, me and Affleck. Wow. You got so excited. That means we can stand back to back and our heads be the same. No, I know what he's going to say. No, it's because you see his hog in Gone Girl. There's a big hog.

I forgot about that. He's got a huge hog. Wait, you see his dick in Gone Girl? You see it in profile, but you get a pretty good look at it. I saw it in theaters. We argued about this. Mitch says it's gigantic. We're used as gigantic.

I think it looks good. But I think gigantic is a high bar. I have a video of it. I do have a video of it. It's easily accessible. Mitch took a video of this. He has it in his favorites folder. I love that.

And then group texted it to prove a point. I'll find it. Good, because I don't have time to go find the time folder. I love that. And then group texted it to prove a point. I'll find it. Good, because I don't have time to go find the times now. I sure don't. Let's read about the award. Okay, I found it. Oh, never mind. This could take a while.

Found it. Here it is. I'm playing the clip. All right, we're hearing shower sounds. Mitch is showing it to Nicole. That's a big hog. Wait, I barely saw it. I know.

You do barely see it. There's a comic where you see Batman's dick, and it's a big hog. Wait, I barely saw it. I know, you do barely see it. They show, there's a comic where you see Batman's dick and it's looking pretty good. Batman is so horny. What does he mean?

There's a comic where you see Batman's dick? Yeah, and they released it and then some people complained so they re-released it with that like it's shown in shadow.

Can we see a picture of Batman's penis? Yeah, I think there's a, it might be, if you just search for Batman's dick it might be tough because you might get

a lot of fan art. Oh, we don't want the, we want official DC Batman dick. Official Batman dick. In a cartoon. Yeah, in a DC comic. I keep saying cartoon, and I feel like that's not correct. I should be saying animated.

Animated, yes. When you search Batman dick, there's a lot of hits for nickwagger.com. Batman damn number one, Batman's dick, NSFW. Why is it purple like it's already been searched? Oh. It's bookmarked. So, yeah, okay okay some of these are whoa

that's a nice butt and muscular the artist had fun yeah is it the one with the yeah so the original like and then they censored it can you see where it's right here it's not, you can barely see it.

Yeah, you can't really see it. I will say that's a big one. You can see it enough. That seems nice. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah, you can see like his glands. It's pretty big. His glands. Alright, I can see his vas deferens. The hell's going on with Batman? Yeah, he's horny

as hell. It's because he's kind of like he ultimately ultimately ends up being Valsel, but he is at first, he does like a horny period. Voluntary Sel? Yeah. What's a Valsel? Like an incel is an involuntary Sel? Is that a word you just coined? No, people have said Valsel.

Wait, he's an incel? No, he's not an incel. He's a Valsel. Because he could have any woman he wants, but he says no. But he chooses not to. As a fellow Valsel, we're kind of more evolved than the incels. Well, that's kind of the Batman Joker. Like, some people theorize it's basically what it is.

It's Valsal versus incel. Like, Batman can fuck but chooses not to. Joker can't. He wants to fuck but can't. He's got Harley Quinn. He ultimately has Harley Quinn. Oh, that's another thing. Batman the Animated Series gave us Harley Quinn.

That came from that show. Who has her? What do you mean? The Joker. They're a couple? They're a couple. Oh, that's another thing. Batman the Animated Series gave us Harley Quinn. That came from that show. Who has her? What do you mean? The Joker. Joker. They're a couple? They're a couple. Yeah, right?

That's really manic. Yeah. Because she falls into a vat of shit too, right? There's different origins, but yeah. It's one of them. Were you afraid we couldn't talk about Affleck's hog? Yeah. Because if so, there's like 45 Doughboys episodes.

I just didn't know if it was like, you know, rude or something. I think it's fine. Because of the strike. We're being respectful for the strike. That movie because of the strike, so yeah. Look, I love Ben Affleck. I'm a big fan of him as an actor. I think he's a good director.

I think that he does interesting stuff. And I think his Batman's really good, which you'll get to. I'm excited to see it. I'm also excited to see it. I like the Snyder movies. A lot of people don't. I can't wait because I've heard so many bits about that. It's a bit of a bee's hive. I wonder what you guys

will think of it. And why is there a Snyder cut and not a Snyder cut? Well there was a whole thing where Zack Snyder was replaced on Justice League and there was some dispute as to how much that was him. He said he withdrew for personal reasons, but there was also some speculation that he was like – it was not his choice to leave. His daughter was sick.

It was like very weird. It's very – yeah. Sad circumstances. There's some sad timing. Joss Whedon, who directed the – Mitch just dropped his phone. Joss Whedon, who directed the – Mitch just dropped his phone. Joss Whedon, who directed the Avengers movie, got brought on to bring in Justice League and kind of brought the Avengers sort of jokey tone to it. And a lot of people didn't like that because that's not what DC is.

And so then the – there was always speculation that a Zack Snyder cut existed. And that was later confirmed and they released like a four-hour version of the movie. Four hours? It's fucking long. It's a big boy. That's why it became such a joke I feel like to people like or you know using it in bits yeah the snyder cut or whatever but but it's good was it in the was there a joke about in the barbie movie there is a joke i feel like that was another in joke that i was like my mom won't understand what that means i love movies wondering what your mom will i know't understand. I know. Well, if I was with her, I'd be going, this is about that.

I watch movies in a similar way or with my mommy sometimes. But I think the Snyder Cut is better. Yeah, it is better. You like that four-hour jamboree? I like it more. It's better. It's a better movie. Four hours, though?

I think I've heard that opinion. I mean, you're going to hate having better. It's a better movie. Four hours though? It's long. You're going to hate having to watch a four hour movie. We have to do that? Well, you hated watching a 75 minute movie. I don't think fluctuation is the issue. 75 minutes was too much for you. It really was. We only watched TikToks. Can I just say also

that, again, with a timeline, they go to the... They were at the World's Fair, which, by the way, they take a cart around, and they go to the House of the Future, which is a lady chopping carrots. I guess it's a robot chopping carrots. It's a robot. The thing is that the robot is chopping carrots, because besides that, it's just a guy watching TV. There's nothing really— Here's one thing I didn't like.

The Joker had to push the meat for her to keep cutting it. I was like, then this isn't helpful. You could just do it. Yeah, you're removing one element of this. But maybe it's like a companionship thing. He was in love with her. I also was like, what if he really has sex with her? Like, I just felt like, yeah, it seemed like it could go that way.

I wonder if that's what the future is. You could fuck a robot. People do that now. That's the present. You could fuck a robot? You could fuck a robot if you want. A hundred percent. Well, I know they have sex dolls, but like an animated doll?

I feel like there's gotta be one that goes like, I love this. There is one that... I love this. You're hot. I like your hog. I only got two Roombas in my house, so I ain't fucking them. I hope not. You only have two, so you're not fucking them?

Because you don't want to break one? You could stand to break one. I don't want to count your money but I think you could afford to replace a Roomba if you fucked it and it broke. That's not what happened.

I bought a Roomba and it's too complicated. I don't have a Roomba. It's bumping in. It's been sitting in my... They're very loud. There's a lot about Roombas. It's not as convenient

as I thought it was going to be. Yes, it's a little bit of a pain in the ass. Yeah. There's a lot about Roomba stuff. It's not as convenient as I thought it was going to be. Yes, it's a little bit of a pain in the ass. You have to babysit it. You have to move the chairs. Then, yeah, just vacuum. I'd be done vacuuming by now. Yeah. I got gift, I had a Roomba that was gifted to Roomba.

I didn't fuck a Roomba until it broke. Okay, that's what I'm trying to be clear. Okay. Do your cats ride the Roomba? God damn it. I wish they did so bad. That would be awesome. That would be very cute.

You could really go viral with that. Yeah. Fuck. Maybe that's what you want to find next. Mr. Mitchell, shall I vacuum the bird's nest? Oh my God. Okay. This movie.

I've been meaning to go viral. It's been on my list of things to do eat cheese and go viral I just can't check it out I had a string cheese before the start

awards and reception now this Batman earned about 5.6 million dollars in North American box office sales the film went on to gross 5.8 million in the domestic total box office intake.

The filmmakers blamed Warner Brothers for the unsuccessful marketing campaign, which is commonly attributed to the rushed production schedule due to the studio's last-minute decision to release the film theatrically. It currently holds an 81% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and an 88% audience score. I'm happy for everyone that this is their favorite. I'm like, great. Yeah. No offense.

We were a little bored and that's just what's going to happen. I was more than bored. Yeah. I was trying to be nice. I had to restart this movie like eight fucking times. I fell asleep so many times. It was tough. I really was like, I put toothpicks in my eyelids and I was like, read all captions.

Never look away. I should have done that. Put the captions on to like help to be like, I put toothpicks in my eyelids and I was like, read all captions, never look away. I should have done that. Put the captions on to like help to be like, you have to read. It honestly helps me because I'm just like, I'm unable to think about toothpicks. You know what I mean? Like if I start zoning out, then I'm like, oh, what? I got to rewind. Yeah.

I was zoning out being like, I hate Batman. Yeah. I have never wanted to watch Batman in my whole life. And now I have to. But you're watching. I feel like our opinions are already differing whole life. And now I have to. I feel like our opinions are already differing so much. This was one that we came together on. But I feel like I've been enjoying.

Yeah, you've been like. Yeah, yeah. I've been like, it's kind of fun. I like Tim Burton, you know. So I'm like, that's been great. I don't know what's going to happen after this. Me either. I'm really curious. Me too.

I'm going to be fascinated to learn what you think of the Joel Schumacher ones. I think you guys maybe will have fun with them more than the other ones. These are the next ones we're watching? Well, did you like Batman 66, the Adam West one? No. I thought it was like kitschy fun, like it's kind of silly. Okay. It wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Like I had a good time. I thought it was the worst thing that happened to me until this movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This movie is, it's a funny decision to be like, let's release like the super horny animated children's movie on Christmas day. Yes. It's just a weird choice. Yeah.

Who's going like, I don't know. It's tough. A lot of dads with their kids for this holiday. Yeah. Yeah. Like it feels like the kind of thing you would put on this summer and like you would go with your friends and just, I mean the winter going to the movies, it's a lot. It did just seem like it should have been released on VHS.

Yeah, that would have been the move. Like direct-to-video? Yeah, I think so. It feels like that. Yeah, it didn't feel like a theater movie. And that's where I think it ultimately had success. Yeah. Because also it was like they'd made it as, because they were making it direct-to-video, they'd like, it was all framed for 4x3

and so then they had to like on the fly figure out how to reframe it for a theatrical aspect. That's why they're saying it was not as good. There are frames in it that are like blurred and frames that freeze. There's weird stuff in it. Yeah, there were a couple moments where I was like, oh, they decided to

stop animating that part. They said no more animation there. You get it. He's just staring. You get what's going on. Batman and the Animators also gave us Clayface, which is a great villain. Batman and the Animators is great. And an actor. Yeah, that wasn't in this.

Clayface was an actor obsessed with looking young. And he used cream and then he turned into like a big mud monster. Pretty funny. Have you heard about the billionaire who uses his son's blood to stay young? Oh my God. He's like 45 years old and looks 45 years old and takes his son's blood and then his younger son gives blood to his father.

That's so messed up. They're obsessed with living forever. What, they have blood transfusions? I think so. That's insane. Isn't that wild? That's horrible for those kids look at uh he truly just looks 45 maybe even 50 brian johnson yeah look at this sick man yeah he looks

like at his exact age yeah and then that's all of them it's like a romantic it looks like that like sexy cover where like all those women are hugging each other. They're like, we have all each other's blood in us. This is really bizarre. Isn't it wild? It's like three generations all in a tender embrace.

My dad, my brother, and my nephew would never pose like that. I can imagine. I don't think anybody in my family would don a white tank top and lean on me. If they all put on, I was going to say white feeders, I don't think we call it that would don a white tank top and lean on me. If they all put on, I was going to say wife beaters. I don't think we call it that anymore. Spouse beef beaters.

Spouse beaters. Keep it inclusive. And then romantically hugged. I think that would be the end of times. That's the thing about Bruce Wayne is actual billionaires are like this. They're fucking weirdo freaks. You don't want to marry them. The full length picture is even creepier. They're standing ino freaks. You don't want to marry them. No. The full length picture

is even creepier. They're standing in a field. This is so bizarre. This is honestly the weirdest. And they kind of do look like shit. They look bad. They all look bad for their age. Like the main dad,

regular dad, is like buff, but you're like, yeah, you could be. Like, just work out. Like, it's like, you don't need your blood for that. Who's the lady in the top right?

Oh, yeah. I think that's him. That's like their wife who wants to kill them all i don't um oh that's him that's the billionaire that's the wife that wants to kill them all it looks like something mugshot okay let's move along okay this segment is called no wayne where we read trivia from the film so this is the first comic book film nominated for an annie award awards for excellence in film animation for best animated feature losing to the lion king a tough year yeah i mean real tough that was one of the best uh disney's it wasn't until disney's Big Hero 6 2014 that another comic book film was nominated. I love Big Hero 6. Have you seen that? It's such a good movie. And Sony's Spider-Man Into the

Spider-Verse from 2018. I did love that. Did you watch that? I haven't seen that and I've been told that it's good. And the Homecoming one. The second one that just came out is also really, really good. Mike has been telling me those are really good. I think you'll like them. They're actually funny. I was in theaters

laughing and nobody else was laughing and I was like, is this your second view? These jokes are hard. Mark Hamill went to a screening at a local theater during the film's theatrical release with only a few people in attendance. He asked them to sit with him before the film started. Oh my god, they must have been

geeking out. That would be really exciting. Or they're someone like me and they're like, who are you? Why do you want to sit with me? Why? But like, if you were a super fan and you're going to see that and then it's him, I would just be nervous about reacting to the film next to a person who's starring

in it. That would make me feel uncomfortable. Right. The idea of you screaming who are you to Luke Skywalker. That's never happened to him. He literally would be like, this is a first. It might be refreshing.

From start to finish, production took eight months. That's fast for animated. Yeah, I think so. And despite the title, the phantasm is never referred to by name. I don't like that. Why don't they ever say it?

What are they calling her in it? I mean, they're like, they're mostly mistaking it for Batman. They just keep saying it's Batman. All right. It's the Bat. It's the Bat, man. I think the Phantasm,

I think it's a really cool design. I think the Phantasm looks so awesome. I love the hook hand. And then I think it's a cool reveal. I don't know. I thought it was very cool when it was her because I was like, whoa! Like I really felt like I just really didn't get it. But I also think it's easier to have a twist in a cartoon than it is

on a TV, you know, with physical actors. I also was pretty surprised. I was like, wait, what? Yeah. I'm like, well yeah, she could look huge because she's drawn. It's not like a costume. Anyone could have been in there, but there's no one in there.

It's a drawing. Alright, let's take a quick break. When we get back, we'll be back with more Batman Mask of the Phantasm. We're back. This segment, holy Batman. Batman will rate Kevin Conroy on the definitive newcomer's Batman scale. We'll use our phones with his little QR code, and we're going to rank them across five unique characteristics. Preparedness.

How prepared is this Batman? Does he get to use his little gadgets and tools? Detective ability. Does this Batman get to be a little detective? Is he good at mystery solving? Voice gravelliness. How gravelly is Batman's voice? Sadness.

How lonely slash brooding slash emo is this Batman? And finally, hotness. How hot and horny is this Batman? I am just impressed by the production value. Isn't this cool? Isn't it great? We have an actual physical QR code we're scanning in the studio, and then we're using our phones to rate this.

This is wild. This is cool. Preparedness. I should talk about it out loud. Let's see here. Mitch is reading a text. Oh, shit. I was taking much longer. Are you done?

So long. Okay. He's just like, it is a big one. Okay, so. Get your girl out of your mind. Okay, so... It's a big girl out of your mind. Preparedness, we all, on average, ranked him 75.5% prepared.

I felt like he was prepared, but then it's like when she flipped him over in the jujitsu, I was like, you weren't ready for that one. That's true. Look at these Uyghur 100s. Yeah, I went straight 100s. Oh, you can see who did it? Oh, fun.

I've noticed that. I feel like you guys last time didn't have as wide a range, and so you couldn't see that these were all very different. Oh, I see see who did it? Oh, fun. I've noticed that. I thought you guys last time didn't have as wide a range. Oh. So you couldn't see that these were all very different. Oh, I see, I see. Got it. Okay.

So detective ability, 72%. What does everyone think about that? I mean. You thought he was 100% detective ability. I think they figured some shit out. They figured some shit out. I'll match it because I matched

up with someone here because I went right around what the number ended up being. But he should have probably known that his

lover was the phantasm. He doesn't do a ton of detecting in the area. I'm that first one because I was like I don't

think he really was figuring shit out. Yeah. But I feel like they talked about him being a good detective in it which made me think he was.

The world's greatest. How do you give him 100 on voice graveliness? He's not, he doesn't, he just, he never changes his voice. He's appropriately gravelly. Yeah, we averaged 52. He just sounds like this the entire movie. Yeah, I didn't find him gravelly at all. I'm that first one again.

Yeah, you guys ranked him pretty low. I put him at 70ish cause I was like Yeah sort of gravelly Sadness we all agree He's basically 100% sad This is the saddest Batman we've ever seen So sad just hanging out at graves He's always by a grave and at the end

He's like I'm alone Like it was actually sad at the end Hotness and horniness 79.8%. Who ranked him low? Me. Okay, so you're not attracted. I thought he was a bulky, hot...

I like that he was big, but he was too sad. I'm like, I don't want to fuck a sad man. Yeah, that does take away a little bit. All right, well, that was fun. It's like the idea of a date is going to visit his dead parents. I know, he's sad. What's wrong with that? Not into it Natalie my wife

is a by the way I should mention is a huge fan of Newcomers she's listened to every episode of your podcast

she's the best but she like horny her one comment on this movie was like I like how horny

everyone is it's a very horny movie the film itself was horny were we horny everyone is. It's a very horny movie. The film itself was horny. Yes, as a whole. Were we horny for him? Right, yes. Maybe that's the distinction we have to make when we're talking about that. So we rank it clearly.

There was a lady in the beginning who throws a wine in his face, but she's not the phantasm. That's what I said earlier. That is the phantasm. Oh, I got confused. Wait, it is the phantasm? No, I don't think it's her. I think that's a random woman. Really?

Why did she have red hair? The character design is too similar. Yes, I agree. That's confusing. I don't think that's her. It is a little confusing. All right. That is a horny scene.

All these women are on his arms, and he's not saying a single word. No. And they're all like very into him just standing there. You don't gotta say a word when your wallet's that fat. God damn it. It's not true. He's playing the role of Bruce Wayne when the real him

is Batman. So like he's just like, oh, you know. He's like, Bruce Wayne would stand around here, but what would he say? Exactly. I need a fat wallet. Get on a fat head. Your fat head on your wall is supposed to be a fat wallet. A fat wallet. All right.

Time for the segment five kapows. These are our reviews of our podcast. Now, of course, we have to brag that people gave us five stars. Yes, we love it. This one comes from Men Cow. It's five stars. Duh. The clearest five star podcast. That's all they wrote, and that's all you have to write, people. It's that simple. That's it. This one comes from Men Cow. It's five stars. Duh. The clearest five star podcast.

That's all they wrote. And that's all you have to write, people. It's that simple. Yeah, that's it. Very simple. And in addition to Apple reviews, we'll also be reading reviews from Letterboxd. And then we're going to give the film a one sentence review and a star rating. And if you don't know, Letterboxd is a social platform where people can write reviews of

films and you can follow newcomers on Letterboxd at newcomers. Are either of you on Letterboxd? I'm not, but Mitch is. I'm on there. Oh, yeah? Do you go on and review everything you watch? No. I was doing that when I was watching 100 movies a year, which I do tend to hit.

Why did I just hit 100 movies yesterday? Is that your goal? You're like, I want to watch 100 movies. Yeah, 100 new movies. Wow. Oh, fun. That's a fun goal. Yeah. And he hit it yesterday. That's right. I want to watch 100 movies. Yeah, 100 new movies. Wow, fun. That's a fun goal. Yeah.

And he did it. He hit it yesterday. 100 new movies in a year. Well, I count all movies if I rewatch something. What was your favorite new movie? Of this year?

Oh, boy. I have to go back. What did I watch for the first time this year that I loved? I'll tell you mine. Collateral. Oh, yeah.

That's great. Loved it. Tom Cruise is great in it. In theaters, I would say the first slam dunk. The anime I saw this year is fucking awesome. That's probably my favorite. Among movies that I hadn't seen from the past, Park Chan-wook's Joint Security

Area. I'd never seen. That movie's fucking awesome. I've never heard of that. Me either. It's really good. I'm around 60, I think, for the year. That's amazing. That's great. Did you write a Letterboxd review about Barbie? I did not, no. You should.

Wow. That is all. What am I going to write? Fantastic over and over again? I remember I did. I actually do have a Letterboxd account, but I made it just so someone wouldn't take my name. Oh, yeah. And appropriate for this podcast, I reviewed one movie, and that was Joker, which I gave five stars.

Nice. And then I logged out the account for it. Oh. Wait, are we watching Joker? Are you watching Joker? Yeah. Okay. Five stars for Joker.

Oh. Yeah. All right. And doesn't What's-Her-Name have her own movie? Marco Robbie? Yes. There's a Harley Quinn movie. Do you follow friends on Letterboxd and go like, he gave that nominee shit?

Oh, you don't even know the half of it. That's the fun of Letterboxd. I don't even know the half of it. You know when you read people's bad tweets? Letterboxd is the same thing, but with movie reviews. So you'll see a movie and be like, that stunk. And then you go on and you're like, this movie was fantastic, some friend of yours. Oh, my God.

Your friend Peter Griffin. That's so funny. That's really funny. This Letterboxd review is by Adam Bolt. Batman is the world's greatest detective because he can draw a smiley face on photos with a Sharpie. Yeah, he was like, he's the joke. That is funny. That was pretty funny.

It's Kyle said. Adam gave four stars.'s kyle gave four and a half stars alfred is the biggest voyeur out there or there is that's true alfred's horny um okay so what's a one sentence review you would give this film we'll all do that mhm m Not horrible, but horny. Okay. Horrible. How many stars? That's fine. Thank you.

I give it either two and a half or three stars. Three stars. I'll give it a nice. Which for me is like, it's fine. Yeah. I think that it is a little bit boring. I love the animated series, and when I saw this I was like Joker has like planes and like he comes in way later. Like this movie needed Joker to even inject some fun into the movie.

Yeah. I liked the horniness of it. There's a lot of weird parts of it which we've gone over and it just – I don't know. If I had seen it in 93 maybe it would be a five-star yeah fair but i'm not nostalgic for it so fair i'm gonna give it one star uh horny but i did not have fun with the horniness yeah i'm gonna give it this is where i always get confused because i'm trying to like rate it i'm gonna give it one star. Really slow, good romance, liked the twist, still one star. Your review of it is like a review of UCB theater for a lot of people. What was it?

Horniness, but I did not enjoy the horniness. When like a person comes off the street, they're like, why did I get to jerk off during that? I thought it was supposed to be comedy. It's really funny. All right, Nick, what do you say? Loved it as a boy and today. It's the bet. Five stars.

Nice. That's a good review. I like that review. A couple sentences though. There's commas. There's commas. There's commas. So, please, everyone out there, write a review of Apple Podcasts. It can be very simple, and we will

pick one to read on the next episode, and of course, rate us on Spotify, which takes .2 seconds. Yeah. Mitch Weiger, do you guys have anything you want to plug? Hmm. Doughboys, I guess. I guess so. Are you being coy about it? Yeah, it's your podcast. I love Doughboys. guess I guess so why are you being coy about it

yeah it's your podcast she sucks I love Doughboys no it's so good God bless you you guys are nice it's always funny I always have such a good time

when I do it oh same it's always so fun it was because you're so funny and I think it's the only thing Nick and I question about you is that you like the podcast

yeah well I'm broken in the brain we're gonna be back next week Well, I'm broken in the brain. We're going to be back next week with the 1995 movie Batman Forever. What do you know about this? Nothing. I don't know anything. I thought it was George Clooney, but apparently it's Val Kilmer.

And I had no idea Val Kilmer was a Batman. So I'm pretty excited. I didn't realize it was Val Kilmer either. I had no idea who it was, but I'm excited. Why'd you laugh? I'm like pretty excited I didn't realize it was Val Kilmer either I had no idea who it was but I'm excited why'd you laugh I feel like it's just it's I I'm gonna listen to this episode it's gonna be very funny to hear you guys react to this movie it's it's insane in a lot of ways I'm more

I the the Batman and Robin I'm more interested in here we get Jim Carrey in this one yeah and who else do we get Uma Thurman Tommy Lee Jones? Uma Thurman? Uma Thurman? Tommy Lee Jones. Is Uma Thurman in that? Uma, wait, is Uma in this one or she's in the next one?

She's in the next one. Batman and Robin. That confuses me because I feel like Batman Forever was the one all these people were in. I don't know. I mean, I just don't know. This is, Tommy Lee Jones has that quote about Jim Carrey that came from them working together almost, right? What was it?

It was something about his like buffoonery. It's was it? It was something about his buffoonery. It's a great quote. I cannot tolerate your buffoonery. I think that's what it is. That's really funny to me. I'm sure we'll get into that. And then who's Iceman? That's Arnold, but that's...

Yeah, Mr. Freeze. Mr. Freeze. And he'll be in Batman and Robin. And he says, Ice to meet you. Pretty funny. Very different from Mr. Freeze in Batman the Animated Series. He's a great Mr. Freeze. All right.

Well, I look forward to that. Will we learn Mr. Freeze's origin story? Why is he so chilly? I mean, do we learn everyone's origin story? Yes, you're going to learn everyone's origin stories multiple times. Oh, actually, it depends. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. But yeah.

Okay. We get a little context for Mr. Freeze. A tragic figure. He's tragic. All right. Can't wait. Well, I'll be watching that soon. And we'll see you here, Nicole.

Bye, everyone. Bye. Newcomers is a production of HeadGum Studios. Our producer is Ali Khan. Our executive producer is Anya Kanivskaya. The show is edited, mixed, and mastered by Ferris Monchi, who also composed our theme song. Follow us on Letterboxd at Newcomers and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.

We might just read it on the next show. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-bye. That was a Hiddem Original.