Newcomers: Sports, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Fast & Furious (w/ Geoffrey James and Reilly Anspaugh)
Episode Date: August 17, 2021Geoffrey James and Reilly Anspaugh (Review Revue podcast) join Nicole and Gabrus to discuss the fourth film in the Fast & Furious Franchise—Fast & Furious (2009).Be sure to check ou...t Geoff & Reilly's on Review Revue and The Headgum Podcast on Headgum.Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts and let us know what franchise they should check out next.Follow Nicole Byer:Twitter: @nicolebyerInstagram: @nicolebyerFollow Gabrus:Twitter: @gabrusInstagram: @gabrusAdvertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
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This is a HeadGum Original.
What do you want? Give me a name!
Give me a name!
You here to take me in, O'Connor?
Y'all know.
She's my friend, too.
I'm going with you.
I ain't coming back.
This is where my jurisdiction ends.
And this is where mine begins.
Let's just stop someone from telling them you're a cop.
The same thing that's keeping me from telling them why you're really here.
A lot has changed.
You're right.
Dom?
Dom! Thank you. Wow! Welcome to another episode of Newcomers.
Lauren Lapkus is out for the season because she's got an eight pound thing that came into her life that she has to take care of. And you can guess what that is.
It's smarter than a cat,
but dumber than a dog.
Right now. It's going to end up being
smarter than everything.
This is the fourth season
of the fourth, no, the fourth episode of the
fourth season. We're watching the Fast and the
Furious franchise. And well, baby,
it's going to be ten episodes. We're going to
cover nine movies and
Hobbs and Shaw. And we're talking
about the fourth film in the franchise.
Fast and
Furious. And if you Google it,
it's hard to find any
information on the movie because it brings you
to the franchise because they named
these movies in the wildest
way.
It only gets more fun, too. This one people call Ampersand because they remove the articles
and it's just Fast Ampersand Furious.
Griffin Newman told me that some people refer to this as Ampersand
because it's hard to say Fast and Furious.
Which one?
Well, Fast and Furious.
The Fast and Furious.
Not the Fast and the Furious
the one with Braga
the most memorable bad guy
of a film ever
Phoenix
is any of this
ringing a bell?
so Ampersand
is available on DVD
it's free on Peacock
and you can watch it
for a fee on Amazon
Apple TV
Google Play
and Vudu guess what we're gonna fucking spoil it because we're talking about the movie so Gabrus it's free on peacock and you can watch it for a fee on amazon apple tv google play and voodoo
guess what we're gonna fucking spoil it because we're talking about the movie um so gabrus you
saw this in theaters i of course i've seen all i've seen all nine and hobs and shaw in the theaters
this one was one that i was let down by but the ending and not just the final moment but the whole
ending sequence was so fun for me
uh at the time that i dug i dug in and enjoyed the rest of this see you said you were like this
is one of the the worst ones yeah i liked this one this one returned to the gritty uh kind of
indie vibe of the first well what you liked about it is that it got that fucking toretto and well the last movie
didn't have toretto or brian in it it's definitely they're definitely a major factor in what we like
about these movies yes i like that people were back um gotta say they fucking kill michelle
rodriguez but i know she's in later movies okay so're going to unpack a lot of this because she's one of the several resurrections that happens in this series.
Let's introduce our guests.
Yes, let's do that.
We have some friends of the HeadGum family here.
You recognize him as a dumbass, and you recognize both of them from the Review Review podcast.
We got Jeffrey James and Riley Anspaugh.
We're recording at 10 a.m. Pacific on a sunday which is why we're on the episode no one real could would say yes well you heard us this is
the worst episode of the series uh the movies uh so oh my god you guys this film took 12 years off
of my life it really it, it really did. I,
when it was like,
I'm like,
okay, I got 30 minutes left.
And then I looked again.
I'm like,
how do I still have 20 fucking minutes left?
But your right gave us the last like 10,
15.
That was worth it.
But everything else beforehand,
I mean,
my God,
I guess I'm,
I guess I'm the minority here. No, I guess guess I'm I'm the minority
I guess you are
I'm a minority
I'm a minority
I guess I'm a minority is a very funny
title of a memoir
I guess I'm a minority by Nicole Byer
but I liked it
I genuinely loved it I thought it was so
fucking fun
I want to talk about
this because I always remember this one
as the worst one, but after watching
them in order again,
the flavor shift from Tokyo
Drift to this is delightful.
I miss Han because I love Han.
Well, we get a little bit of Han.
You get a touch of Han and that's all you need.
I fucking loved when Han was like,
eh, make it to Tokyo.
And I was like, wait, may I go to Tokyo?
And I was like, wait, what?
And spoiler alert, but five ends with,
where do you want to go next?
How about Tokyo?
And he goes, not just yet.
Like, wait, let's do one more movie before I die.
And do they ever go back?
What?
They do go back and he does die again.
Not just yet.
But then he's also resurrected from that.
We will get to it.
He's the other resurrection.
There's a few.
Gabriel, my mind is blown.
There can't be more than one resurrection. Because I thought I knew these movies and there's so much I don't know.
Dude, I'm not exaggerating.
This is the movie of the series I've seen the least,
and it is still four or five times.
And I am confused by the fucking movies.
I conflate them all in my head,
because it's like, which is the one with the cars
and the sort of steel drum Caribbean music?
And it's like, that's all nine, bro.
Is there a scene in all of these?
But I feel like it's the most prominent in two.
Sorry.
No, I'm sorry. I feel like every movie, most prominent in two. Sorry. No, I'm sorry.
I feel like every movie,
this is the only one I've ever seen in this franchise.
But there's gotta be.
Same here.
We got newcomers, finally.
True newcomers.
Old comers and newcomers uniting.
Does every movie have a scene on the beach
where there's like tons of bonfires happening
and people convenient to just kind of stare at cars?
And a lot of corona.
Yeah.
We talk about that a lot on newcomers
because it's the PG-13 sexiness of this movie.
Yes, totally.
This one was the sexiest so far.
It was the most triple kissing of women for sure.
There's way too many lesbian kisses.
There was so much triple kissing.
And you had a lot of butt shots.
And then you had Letty and fucking Dom
in all white on a cliff
where she's like fucking dry humping him.
I was like, you better get it.
Wearing a shirt from Diesel Jeans.
His dad's company.
Days before this,
so I live in an area
that was close
to like an F9 poster.
And like a week ago,
my boyfriend was like,
do you think you'll ever
watch a Fast and Furious movie?
I'm like, in my life,
I don't think so.
I can't see myself doing that.
Three days later,
I get a text from Jeff
being like,
want to be on Newcomers?
We got to watch Fast and Furious.
Let's fucking go.
Life comes at you fast, Riley.
Come true.
Come at you fast.
So why have you guys never seen a Fast and the Furious movie?
Like you just didn't feel compelled?
Because they're on their phones, these fucking Gen Zers.
They're always on their phones.
These kids nowadays.
Because I got Snapchat on the brain.
No, I...
I'm sending nudes to my BFF.
I'm streaking on our streak.
We've gone 106 days.
I don't know.
I think it's just like I was never...
I listened to the first episode of the season.
I know, Nicole, you were saying like you are into cars.
So that was a draw for you.
I am not into cars.
I am not like there wasn't anything.
I also think I was too young when the first one came out to be like, oh, this is a new thing that's coming out for me.
And then since then, it just it was something that none of it caught my interest in any way.
Not even a big, thick, sweet potato-headed...
Well, I did see the pacifier.
See, I got my Vin Diesel fix in the pacifier.
I'm like, he's great.
Wait, how old are you that you saw
the pacifier but not Fast and Furious?
I'm 25.
That's there.
Alright, that's...
I just hit
the cusp of being able to see the best environment
talking to a 25 year old makes me realize that the pandemic was like eight percent of your life
that's brutal i'm so sorry at least you have more shit on the other end i'm coming down the
home stretch i've only got a few more pandemics. Gabriel and I are going to die as soon as the pandemic's over.
I'm not even going to get to hit my 401k, which I don't have either.
I was just going to say, you have a 401k?
I don't.
I don't.
Jeff, what about you?
Do you have a 401k, Jeff?
I know Fast and Furious from the arcade game at the Solon Cinemas arcade in Solon, Ohio.
What?
What's that?
Where is Solon, Ohio?
It's where Kid Cudi grew up in Cleveland.
Oh.
And is it also where you grew up?
It's adjacent to where I grew up in Sheridan Falls.
Okay.
I went there because Kid Cudi grew up there.
That's what it sounded like.
I went there because they had the Tokyo Drift stand-up driving machine.
Oh, heck yeah.
I would play that.
That sounds like fun.
Be careful, Nicole.
I picture you being like, the Tokyo Drift machine arrived at my house today.
Anything we bring up, you're like Googling how to buy it immediately.
Yeah, I did buy the
what is it
Sabian
Sabian
the Sibian
oh my god
congratulations
it's not good
no
that's what I was gonna say
I really didn't like
I don't like it
it's so hard
would you say
you have buyer's remorse
boo
Ferris kick him off
boo
thanks so much for having me
take the reins
I guess I do have buyer's remorse well I appreciate Kick him off. Thanks so much for having me. Take the reins.
I guess I do have buyer's remorse.
Well, I appreciate you re-gifting it to me.
I'm going to get a lot of use out of it. Well, I was like, can I donate it to somebody?
Like a woman in need?
Leave it on someone's porch?
Like, you need this, honey.
Bring it to the new HeadGum studio
and put it next to the NBA jam machine.
And we should say Gabrus is in his childhood bedroom in Long Island.
I am.
I am.
It's changed hands like 11 times because I'm the oldest.
So my brother lived here and then it was a guest room.
Now it's, I guess it's back to a guest room since I'm technically a guest.
There's a sun fade on the wall-to-wall carpeting of where an elliptical used to be.
Yeah.
There's a dried patch of jizz just offside the bed from when that brief period of time
before Gabrus discovered paper towels or socks.
My God.
I also love that there's two fans to cool off my big boy.
And my mom's central air.
And my mom's heavyset, too.
So the house is like 44 degrees.
It rules.
Oh, what a dream it's like
walking around a meat locker i got out of the pool got in the house and i started freezing like t1000
i was like the water you started freezing like the opening scene where she like sprays whatever
that is and then freezes off the oil truck spray it i don't have my hammer. Spray it anyway.
There has to be a better way to do it than freezing it off. Before we get into the movie, we got to do the Toretto Gazetto.
Of course.
Everyone's favorite part.
So F9 star Helen Mirren and Vin Diesel agree Michael Caine would make a great addition to the family.
No way. and Vin Diesel agree Michael Caine would make a great addition to the family. While discussing the mysterious backstory of her character,
Magdalene Queenie Shaw, Oscar winner Helen Mirren,
is it Mirren?
Yep.
Backed Diesel's proposal to bring Caine into the cast.
She even suggested he could play her ex-husband.
Mirren said, I don't know if I'm allowed to say,
she's English, but apparently, is she?
Is she English? Yeah.
No nuts. And you're doing an actually
perfect impression of her. Vin had the idea
of Michael Caine. I mean, wouldn't
that be fantastic? That'd be so
cool and absolutely perfect.
So we'll see. So her character, Queenie,
is an all-powerful criminal introduced in
Fate of the Furious. She's the mother of
Dominic Toretetto's former enemies
owen and deckard played by evans and uh jason statham respectively shaw of shaw she's mrs
shaw yes she is yes shaw's mother which i don't think i tracked man you know, I truly, I just like accepted things as I watched these movies.
Being like, yes, sure.
That's a thing.
Uh-huh.
I remember that.
Shoot.
The interpersonal relationships in this movie are just, they never, they make less and less sense as the movie went on.
Oh, yeah.
And they keep building.
This is a quicksand foundation that they build all of the friendship dynamics on.
Also, can we just pop back to the Torettoetto for a second yeah how is that news they're they're making the biggest franchise in the world like it would be cool if this famous actor joined everyone's
like you guys are crazy it's like michael cain is gonna be in fast 10 now like there's never like
why would he turn it down michael Caine does bullshit movies all the time
but he's also so old
he might be getting picky and he's like
in my late stage of life I'll only do
what I want to do
some people just want to watch the world burn
Mr. Pareto
okay we have to take a break
and we're back so fast and furious is written by chris morgan directed by justin lynn hell yeah who has a hold on the franchise he has directed so many he is also uh lined up to direct 10 and 11. He directed
9. He directed 3, 4
and 5. 9 wasn't the last one.
I thought with all the
posters around, with all
the family, the big hoopla, I thought it was
like, and this is the end of the franchise.
No, this franchise will never
end. They're making one more
two-part movie.
Yes, but also they might also making a lady spin-off
yes that i really want to be in you gotta oh my god you gotta you need to be right like i could
be the tyrese gibson you know comic relief part or let me be ludicrous uh you could it would be
fun to have a female car expert like a female
like mechanic head and you would be great at that wouldn't that be amazing watching you just
yell at fucking paul walker's brother in a mocap suit no i'm just kidding that's offensive
i also believe after watching fast nine and we'll talk about this in the 9th or 10th episode
Of this podcast
But I believe they're trying to set up Young Toretto
As well
Who do you think would play Young Toretto?
The guy who's in Fast 9
Playing Young Toretto
He's an absolute fucking stud
He's a better actor than Vin Diesel
Oh my god
Gabers I'm so horny for this information you're gonna
like you're gonna really like this ethnically ambiguous buff badass oh my god and i've been
trying to do like my due diligence and not spoil anything for myself so like i'm not gonna look him
up oh boy but i'm very excited oh boy So this movie was released April 3rd, 2009.
And let's like, okay.
So the beginning of this is wild.
Immediately into what should be the climax of the movie.
Jeff, okay, let's talk.
Jeff, let's talk about this.
You just said what makes the Fast and the Furious franchise work for me so well.
Is that they don't give you half fucking bullshit
and then fucking get you the biggest one at the end.
Although the end of this movie does fucking slap.
Yeah, it's fucking sick.
They open hot.
It's bookended.
That's such a fun way to start a movie.
And almost all of them start with some elaborate car race plan,
shit like that.
So this, to me, really felt like a second beat of the first movie it felt like they were erasing two
and three and four is the actual sequel which i guess it is because tokyo happens at some point
after like yeah this happens down this movie takes place Before Tokyo Drift
Which is the third movie
But also
It takes place after 2
Okay
And right before 5
But also
5 and 6 take place
Before 3
Wow
Why do they call it fast and furious?
That's what I was thinking about for half of it.
I just ripped my AirPods out laughing at that.
That's genius.
They're calling it ampersand on the fucking subreddit.
Yeah, I would just go
four fast, four furious.
Four fast, four furious.
Six fast, six furious. It works.
I would have just kept doing that.
The opening was cool. for never having seen any
of them I was hooked by the opening
like that was an awesome sequence
it was super fun it was like
like I caught myself being like oh
shit like a bunch of times
it was fucking dope
they make Dominic Toretto like a
Marvel superhero like with his physical
capabilities
but what I like about this movie is
they spread the wealth they let like let it get on the fucking gas car like they let like the women
and the minor characters do like so much fun shit in this movie like everyone is equally capable
as a matter of fact that's another hallmark of these movies i i hate to keep calling out
patterns everyone has superhuman strength every Every movie, everyone has gained like seven levels inexplicably
where it's like Ludacris isn't in this movie,
but in the next one he's like the master hacker
and Roman is like a cat burglar
and Han is like a weapons expert.
Giselle Bundchen is in the next.
Not Giselle Bundchen.
Gal Gadot.
Gal Gadot rather.
Gal Gadot was in this.
Gal Gadot's in this. Oh, that was Gal Gadot. Gal Gadot, rather. Gal Gadot was in this. Gal Gadot's in this.
Oh, that was Gal Gadot.
I was like,
she looks slightly familiar to me,
but I don't know
and I won't look it up.
Tee hee.
Never.
I gotta record the podcast
in five minutes.
I don't have time to look it up.
Ludacris took a certificate CS program
at UCLA Extension
and then returned to the crew.
Yeah, he came back
knowing way more about C++.
So, okay. They're hijacking fuel tankers.
Again, this trucker pretty like,
I gotta get to where I'm going.
They're stealing loose oil.
Unlike the truckers in the first one, he bails.
He's like, I'm not going down with my truck.
With his iguana.
I'm jumping out.
But also, is gas like that hot of a
like go to the fucking 76.
They say in this, they're like
it's gold here, baby.
And I was like, what? Why?
Also, how the fuck are you supposed to
sell that on the black market? Like that's so
traceable. You just bring it like
in jugs, we need gas.
They know a shit ton of car guys
they could probably pawn the gas off on
someone but this was like a western right this was like a train robbery yeah and it was very
they're in their horses it's all cowboy shit and it's just and it's a real fun way to open the
movie and then they fucking just kill michelle rodriguez off camera so quickly like so quickly
so they're like making out on that fucking cliff i fucking
love it and then she's in bed sleeping in a way i've never slept and dom's like staring at her
like all moody and i'm like i fuck if they don't fuck i'm gonna be so mad and then i had to get
mad i want to see his head left her yes i want to see penetration show trish please but then he
leaves her and goes to pan City to work on cars,
and it's very clear he doesn't know the language.
Oh, again, just a recurring pattern is him speaking half-assed Spanish
to Spanish native speakers and seeming like el jefe.
He's always like, mi amigo.
And they're like yes Dom
you know a word
but honestly I can't talk
enough about when Han says
I guess we'll see what's going down in Tokyo
I can't remember what exactly he said
he literally says to Dom
I hear they're doing some crazy shit in Tokyo
yes that's what it was
it crushed me I laughed
so hard it made me I crushed me. I laughed so hard.
It made me,
I was just like,
this is so funny.
It really feels like
they edited out the line
where it's like,
yeah, they're drifting.
Oh, yeah, I think
that is what they're doing.
On the beach,
the beach scene
where they're just kind of all like,
oh, we're partying around cars,
mid-drip over there.
And then like,
butt cheeks, cleavage.
Cars on the beach.
Bunch of nice cars in the sand.
Their crew is there and they're all having a good
time and then Han just like looks over at
Vin Diesel and he's like,
and then he's like, alright. And then everybody
knows to disperse so they can have a private
conversation. Like, what is this
level of non-verbal communication?
It's perfect oh wait also
in the first chase they're driving american cars and i was like in the first movie they drove
foreign cars yeah and i was like are they making a switch to american cars because vin's his dad's
car is like a i think it's like a chevy something dodge something yeah and uh i think dom loves the old american
muscle yeah brian loves the fast imports the little like jet yeah which is funny because in
the first one he drove a mazda r rs rx7 yeah but he had his dad's he had his dad's muscle car like
on ice okay so he was like I'll drive this import for now
and then I'm gonna drive
daddy's fucking American muscle.
For a guy who likes
American muscle cars,
he smashes like three a movie
for nine movies.
Truly.
My God.
I love him.
I owe a million dollars
to my dealership in revenge.
Also that one character,
he's just like,
muscle beats import every time.
Oh my God.
Just to keep you,
just so you know
the two types of cars
they're talking about.
Muscle imports.
Muscles or imports.
So Mia calls Dom
at a payphone.
How do you get the number
to a payphone?
How do you know
Dom's going to be there
to answer it? I was about to say, how do you know Dom's going to be there to answer it?
I was going to say, how do you know that at that moment?
She'd be like, can I talk to Dom?
And they're like, of course.
And then that little kid's like, of course.
I know where Dom is.
Also, who's answering pay phones?
Yeah, rings nearby.
Oh, I should probably check if this is for me.
It doesn't make any sense.
So we find out Leti has been murdered.
And I'm like, Lord.
My fucking jaw dropped because I was like, she's in later movies.
Yeah.
So he goes to her funeral and watches from like 10 miles away and then goes to the crash site and finds nitromethane.
He's like fucking Sherlock Holmes smelling the methane and then recreating the crash in his head. That was so fucking...
Like watching her, like watching him, even though he wasn't there, but he's like, I know
exactly how it happened.
It was a That's So Raven flashback.
Truly.
It was.
Yes.
It was very that.
Wait, can we go back to the first chase?
I'm so sorry.
No, please.
At one point.
Wait, can we go back to the first chase?
I'm so sorry.
No, please.
At one point, so this fucking truck is going off the cliff,
and then Letty and Dom are in the car,
and there's a truck barreling towards them, and Letty's like, Dom, no, Dom, no.
And he's like, no.
And then figures out, like,
with the velocity of this thing coming at them,
to, like, when to gun it,
and then it tumbles over
them and I was like no
Dom
it was so wild
I like they established that Dom
can get his car to pop a wheelie
so that becomes like an integral plot
point at the end of the movie which I kind of like
it's like Chekhov's muscle
car wheelie
establish it in the first act
and it definitely gets fired by the last
yeah they do sprinkle treats
throughout the movie that pay off in the end
they're very good at that
also the when he's
having his little like
detective psychic
episode like replaying it all
in his head when he goes to
see is it Mia his sister
yeah he's like like there were burn marks on the replaying it all in his head. When he goes to see, is it Mia, his sister?
Yeah.
He's like, there were burn marks on the ground that could only be a result of natural meth,
which is like a shortening for methane gas,
which I did not know.
And I was like, I turned to my friend,
I was like, drugs?
And then why does he go into an auto body shop
that I guess this guy sells meth?
He goes to talk to Walter White.
Jeff, you were watching
you were expecting
a very different film
I mean
that could be
in the movie
like there could be
a meth dealer
who owns an auto body shop
I appreciate
this sequence
where they show
where they do
the recreation
where he goes
full mind palace
like Sherlock
I like it
because I was mad
that they didn't give
Letty her like
outro
like she's dead
and you're like, what? On phone?
It was so fast. And then it's kind of
cool the way they do it.
This is one of the first times you see it
but it starts getting sprinkled in the movies
more and more until Fast 9 features
a full on abstract art
sequence.
Truly, there's a minute long
tone poem in the middle of Fast 9 and I can't wait until we get there. But this is the first one where it's like like truly like there's like a minute-long tone poem in the middle of
fast nine and i can't wait till we get there but this is the first one where it's like this is sort
of like meta physical and and it's like what is this movie isn't it for car meatheads and it's
like now it's a guy visualizing his lover's car hitting him and he's like, I left her. I couldn't stop visualizing the script.
I think Chris Morgan deserves to go to jail.
This is also
because we touched on the funeral
where he watched from like 10 miles away
but him and Paul Walker
both on opposite ends
equidistant from the
funeral. Like kind of looking at each other. They can't see each other both on opposite ends, equidistant from the funeral,
like kind of looking at each other.
Like they can't see each other, but somehow again, it's like they have a feeling that like a football field away,
the other is standing there.
But it's like, and Mia's just in the middle, like, what the fuck?
Like neither of them are here.
Oh, that was so good.
You say Chris Morgan needs to go to jail.
I say Chris Morgan pulls off a fucking circus trick
in getting Brian O'Connor and Dominic Toretto's characters
to somehow be friends by the end of this movie,
despite their history.
Up to including the part, which I have not completely,
I never remembered until I saw it this time,
that he blames her.
He blames Brian for Letty's death.
It's like,
why are they best friends by the end of this movie?
Yeah,
it is wild.
It's like,
so he infiltrated his group to try to bring them down,
ended up kind of bringing them down and then like,
let him go free.
And then he blames her for letting,
yeah,
like they shouldn't be friends. like shouldn't be friends at all
yeah but he's got to do he's got to muscle
them into a relationship because
it's got it's going to be the foundation of the next
two films three films
yeah so uh we
find out that the this
grant this uh 1972
ford grand torino sport is owned by this
man named david park david park is the
one using the nitromethane gas.
So Brian is trying to track
down him and this drug lord
Arturo Braga.
Braga.
The man himself.
He like, so oh then
Toretto tries to kill David
but then Brian saves him and makes him an informant
and then David and
Brian get into a street race
to help the investigation,
which is like confusing to me.
But then I was like, no.
It's the second one we've seen.
It's an audition street race.
We saw it in Too Fast, Too Furious.
Because I thought they were like,
whoever wins gets to drive for Braga.
And so then Dom won,
but then Brian also got the map.
And so then they were both driving for Braga. And I'm like, wait, but Dom won. Well, it's because Dom won, but then Brian also got the map. And so then they were both driving for Brock.
And I'm like, wait, but Dom won.
Well, it's because Dom won.
Dom cheated and he won.
But then Brian arrested the very effeminate man who was sucking on toes.
So he could take his spot.
That's why that scene was in there.
Yeah, that's why they arrest that guy.
And he's like, okay.
So he took his spot. Yeah. That's how he got to get in there. that's why they arrest that guy and he's like okay charges they
don't have to spot yeah that's how we got to get in there that makes a lot more sense because the
whole time i've just been thinking like what a weird loophole that they're like and now we both
drive through that no one talked about and if it was the logic that dom cheated people died
they fucking died so murdering people in this race.
That's the role I would have wanted to play,
is like the crazy guy who is hosting all these women at his apartment.
He's like, I didn't do anything.
Speaks in the third person.
Yeah.
And he's like, oh, I love her so much.
But all he was doing was sucking on toes.
It was a choice.
Yeah, it was a choice.
I mean, that's the level of sexy this movie can be,
is like triple kissing and toes.
Can't show any boobs.
It's so choogly.
But I just thought
it was so funny
that they picked
the most effeminate
seeming man
to be the ladies' man.
I know.
Yeah, why are they
at his place?
It was just,
it was such a fun
choice for me.
Oh, also,
I have to address
a lot of people
have tweeted at me
that the bad guy in too fast too fierce could be white because there are white like
venezuelans there are argentinians because a lot of nazis left germany and hid in argentina and
brazil and stuff and then had some babies and shit. So, you know, sorry about it.
We're in the Nazi diaspora.
We're sorry, but if that's what
people really had to lean into
and let us know. Yeah, they're like, I'm a Nazi!
Trust me, a lot
of us white people ended up in Argentina.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
My family had to escape Germany
for not the sad reasons.
Oh, okay. So, okay. My family had to escape Germany for not the sad reasons. Oh, okay.
So, okay.
My family had to escape Germany and you go, were they Jewish?
And they go, no.
You go, oh.
Oh, no.
Right.
No, we didn't have to escape Germany until after the war.
It's like, oh.
Got it.
Got it.
Got it.
I understand.
Sorry, could you play your mascot, please?
Interviewing to be a diversity inclusion consultant at Deloitte.
Okay, so then Dom confronts Phoenix and learns that he's responsible for Letty's death.
A standoff ensues, and Dom has somehow, I guess I missed the part where he made it so this car could blow up.
Okay, yeah, I guess I missed the part where he made it so this car could blow up. Okay, yeah.
I caught this.
He pops the nose, the hose off the nose, so the car starts filling with nose.
And then he pushes in the car lighter, which will eventually pop out hot.
Yes.
Don't know if that's enough to cause a full-blown explosion.
Domino effect.
The domino effect.
The Dominico Toretto.
The Dominico Tretto well it fucking blows up like six fucking cars well first we see we establish the tunnels too
which is a very fun part of the movie is does that the tunnel driving yeah i'm sure dude the
tunnel driving is wild holy shit because i'm, how do they know where they're going?
Later on in the movie when Brian O'Connor's guessing where the false wall is, it's like,
why wouldn't you just slow down a little bit at that moment?
He's like, this might hurt.
And I was like, just slow down.
Don't slam into this.
It all looks exactly the same.
He dives into another car and just kills a guy.
He looks exactly the same. He dives into another car and just kills a guy.
But when Dom gets shot and then the bullet wound in his shoulder changes him.
He like is a changed man.
He's like superhuman.
He like turns around and is like, I'm going to fucking kill this man.
And he's like, doof, doof, doof.
He's like fucking hitting him.
And then he's like, get in the car. he's like fucking hitting him and then get in the car
get in the fucking car stop hitting him get in the car it's like this is a wild it makes no sense why
dom doesn't just kill that guy right there it would be probably better for them in the long
run if that dude just dies there yeah but i do like they do a good job of somehow establishing in this there's 25 guys with guns two good guys
and a bunch of fbi agents about to enter one good guy can use brian o'connor good guys and you know
gray guys brian o'connor grabs a machine gun and somehow vin diesel's squared away with just five
guys that don't have weapons so you know what i mean it's like wait oh yeah there's 25 armed guys we're the five without weapons hanging out closest to you dom and it's like all right he gets
to do is like uh his fighting style is like street brawler meets like it's like a video game fighting
style where he does like suplexes onto cars and shit and it's like just the moment you get to see
like oh now you're all in big trouble they like established dom like he's a
dad and he's just beating these five kids like however he wants i mean it's like when you see
him there there's a moment earlier which like felt like superhuman strength to me and it was
really early on when he goes to the really back drag you but like when he goes to that shop to
like talk to the guy like you're dealing the uh the whatever the nitrometh or whatever
and then he's like i don't know man get your hands off me don't touch me again and then he
pulls him onto a car he almost lets the engine drop on his head and at the last second just
stops it with his hand i loved it i loved it and i when he was like, just don't let this engine drop on my face.
If he let go at that point, it'd be fine.
Like that plus then the bullet.
Like, I'm just like, this man is he can do anything.
This is he can do anything.
Yeah.
I was like when when the bullet hit his back it at first i wasn't sure
it was a bullet because of how little damage it did how little it affected him i thought someone
like threw a rock and it like turned like and then i'm like oh no he was shot and he's just like yeah
what the fuck was that it was like the bullet gave him strength. It was just like strength juice that was shot into him.
And I fucking loved it.
Yeah.
That happens with this movie a bit, with these movies,
is that Dom has like emotional powers.
Like if you upset him, he's extra strong.
If you hurt him, if you hurt his family,
like he can't handle it.
Well, that would give Dom superpowers.
It's always like the mom who lifts the car off the baby
is Dominic's full vibe in this movie.
And he took that personally.
The Dom who lifts the car off the baby.
So they get into a Hummer
with $60 million worth of heroin in it and i feel like this is the
first movie where it's like the stakes of the bad guys is high yeah heroin's like a heavy fucking
thing the first movie we're stealing dvd players second movie we don't really know what the bad
guys are doing the third movie there's just a mafia
and we have no idea what they're doing
just vague mafia
yes a mafia
but now we've named it
it is drugs
so they drive it to the impound
and then Brian's like you owe me a
10 second car and then
which is a callback to other movies
yes to the first movie because Dom's like you owe me a 10 second car and then which is a callback to other movies yes to the first movie because
Dom's like you owe me a 10 second car
so Dom knocks in
the window of a car in a way
that I was like I don't know if you can really
do that which is a callback to
the second movie when Tyrese
and I guarantee
Vindy's a watch too fast too
furious saw that Tyrese got
the smash your window and was like when I come back
and I'm the producer I'm smashing a window
without the shirt on my hand
yes I'm serious
and I'm doing bad cause
Dom is tougher than fucking Roman
oh my god
it really it feels like
that feels like you know when kids play
make believe but they always want to one up each other
it's like well what you don't know is like,
I,
I actually don't need the glove on my hand.
Cause I don't bleed when I hit glass.
And what you don't know is that I can bullets.
Give me,
I'm actually,
I'm actually bulletproof.
I'm at my guys.
The heightening of each movie is like,
well,
what you don't know is I actually have a force field around my body.
And that's,
yeah,
it truly feels like that so
it really does it fully fucking does i love that and the car meetups is just show and tell
um so it's subaru impreza that he gets a wrx hatchback and they drive back to dom's house
where they reunite with Mia.
And then Dom finds out that Brian is indeed
the last person to be in contact with Letty.
So then they get into a huge fucking fight.
And then we find out that Letty was working undercover
as an informant in exchange for clearing Dominic's record
because she wanted Dom to come home from Panama.
He also yells it at him.
She wanted me to come home.
I'm sorry, Dom.
I'm sorry.
It's so nuts.
So many grown men take full on fucking ham fists to the face in this movie
and are in the next scene.
Just absolutely fine.
If I was a sound
designer, I would want to work on
these movies because it's like, alright, these punches
really gotta sound intense.
He's angry.
But it's not gonna actually
hurt anybody.
He doesn't bleed. But then later in the
movie when he shoves the other
like annoying FBI guy
into the wall,
it's the most blood
in the movie.
Oh, yeah.
He gets so bloody.
Shea Whigham
gets his ass handed.
It's like smashing
a fucking honeydew melon.
Shea Whigham?
The actor's name
is Shea Whigham.
I forget what his
character's name is,
but I like that dude a lot.
He's a good actor.
You hear his nose shatter. Stajic is his name Whigham. I forget what his character's name is, but I like that dude a lot. He's a good actor. You hear his nose shatter.
Stajic is his name.
Stajic?
The way he shoves his face into concrete
might kill a person.
Yes!
I thought he was dead.
I'm like, well, that man, he's passed away.
But I also love after it happened,
nobody really reacted other than they were like,
clean yourself up.
And I was like, no.
I'm not going to say you're okay.
You're bleeding on my floor.
You okay?
It felt really like my dad and me and my two brothers where he would come in and be like,
what are you all crying about in here?
And it's like, he punched me in the face.
I punched him.
He's like, just everyone knock it off and walks out.
Like no real punishment of like, just everyone stop being an asshole. It feels like the FBI guy is like, all like, ah, just everyone stop being an asshole. Feels like
the FBI guy's like, alright kids, just everyone
go to your rooms.
While we're jumping around talking about characters,
can I just pop in on Campos,
who ends up also being Braga?
That guy John Ortiz, who ends up,
this is one of his early roles, he's in a shit ton
of movies, but he's fucking
good. He's kind of like,
yeah, I like him yeah he sells you as like
the the sycophant right hand man when it's revealed that he's braga you're like he's he
like changes his demeanor and becomes the boss and he does it fucking works no he was great
yeah he's also fucking hot he does it for me i will say what they do is they fill this movies to the brim with just like the
sexiest hottest men and i fucking thank them for it thank you justin
and very few white men these movies i know i'm the white i'm the white guy talking about this
all the time but they fucking cast the fuck like the phoenix uh laz alonso who plays like i thought he was hotter
than the main guy right the guy who kills letty that guy's an absolute gorgeous man yeah yes
laz alizano he's very sexy oh he can like fucking oh i want him to just hurt me you know I want I want me off
the bed yeah yeah I want Letty to
break my arm in a fucking
jujitsu arm bar so bad yeah I
would watch everybody cast in this movie like
just have an orgy now
I'm just looking at pictures of this man he is
now I'm just jerking off
I'm using Nicole's
discarded Sibian talking about
Lonzo Lonzo
everyone in this movie
is so hot
and then plus
like the coloring
that they do to this movie
it kind of makes
everyone is like
a little bit dirty
and a little bit sweaty
it's like they've all
been working on cars
in every scene
so plus the fact
they're already
all baseline hot
and then it looks like
you've just met up
with them outside of a garage.
Yeah.
Sunkissed.
A little dewy with some sweat.
A little bit of grime.
I know where I know Laz Alonzo from.
He's on The Boys.
Oh, yeah.
His mother's milk.
He's great on The Boys.
The Boys is a great movie.
Not movie.
A fucking TV show.
Hell yeah.
You watch The Boys? Yeah, I read the comic The Boys. Nobody watches The Boys. And I've been Not movie. A fucking TV show. Hell yeah. You watch The Boys?
Yeah, I read the comic The Boys.
Nobody watches The Boys.
And I've been dying to talk about it with somebody.
Buyer, I'll text you.
No way this is Newcomer Season 5.
Yeah, let's do it.
It depends if Lapkus has another big hobby that takes nine months to start.
Big hobby.
Big hobby.
I've got a big hobby in my tummy.
What's Season 5?
Twilight? Harry Potter?ter no it's the
boys i mean i fucking love the boys it's i love i love the boys juicy hot people
yeah everyone's sexy in that show and it's like they exploit them on purpose they really do and
then like the wildest shit happens that i never see coming and i really anyway back to this so okay braga uh uh brian tells
his superiors he's gonna lure braga into a trap in exchange for dominic's pardon i don't know why
this recaps is dominic he is dom dom toretto so okay at the drop site brian plans to expose braga
but then it's revealed that it's a decoy and the real Braga
escaped to Mexico.
And then Brian is removed from active duty, which is, is that something that's going to
happen in every movie?
Like he's, he's going to be an FBI agent and then they're going to be like, sorry, man,
you keep fucking up.
I got news for you.
If we want the spoiler, eventually they all are just working for like some sort of CIA
organization.
They're eventually all working for the working for like some sort of cia organization they're
eventually all working for the american government in some capacity you know shadow organization it
rules honestly they should tell improv students to watch these movies they heighten yes they just
heighten so so like incrementally so like it works it ends up up becoming like an ensemble Bond.
They're like ensemble James Bond movies because they get so heightened and it's like stop nuclear fallout from happening to Earth.
It's like let's send these eight street racers. I found out right before we recorded that the first one is them stealing DVD players.
That's unbelievably funny.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And the way that they can incrementally heighten to that and justify it is phenomenal.
Trying to figure out who's stealing the VCR players is a big case in the first movie.
Oh, my God.
Oh, wait.
I meant to make this joke earlier.
How 2007 is this movie that GPS is so, like, cool oh my god i love it obviously so new love it
and when brian's like shut up rerouting yeah yeah yeah make a u-turn you gotta be fucking kidding
me it's like the first gps like it's so obviously like there's this new tech that people use when
they drive it's like yeah they show the map to go exactly oh my god after after dom wins they were like when the gps calls you answer and i
was like that's not how they work it's not how they work it's not a phone and gal is the one
like giving out the gps's and there was a moment later that like i'm just remembering like and
thinking of like wanting to see some Vin Diesel
like action wanting to see Dom like
fucking fuck someone he
and like a gal is on the car and she's
like she keeps asking like every
scene she's like why aren't you into me like what kind of
women do you like and he
like when he said he's like
80%
devil 20%
angel and he's like someone who's not afraid to get 80% devil, 20% angel.
And he's like someone who's not afraid to get car grease under her fingernails.
And she goes, that doesn't sound like me.
And he's like, it ain't.
It ain't.
And what?
It's perfect.
He loves Leti so much.
He loves Leti.
Yeah.
He does.
It is.
Oh my god.
But honestly, I wish more men were honest like that.
Like, I wish when I hit on dudes, they were like, 80% angel, 20%, you know, whatever.
And I like a girl who's not fucking fat.
And I'm like, okay, I got it.
Thank you so much.
I understand.
Goodbye.
If I said that on a first date, she would get a call from her roommate.
He's in trouble.
She would take a 45 minute dump and you'd be like,
she's been in the bathroom for a really long time.
She would take her purse to the bathroom.
Let's just say that.
I also love that gal was honest too.
She's like,
that is not me.
Yes.
More people need to be,
honestly,
the Fast and Furious franchise can teach so much.
They should show that clip in like sixth or seventh grade
and be like, you know,
if the person's not who you want them to be,
it's okay to tell them.
And then you have to understand
that you're not the person they want.
And then it would just make everything so much easier.
They should have shown this in a sex ed class.
They just show the girls triple kissing in the background.
And this is hot What?
Thank you
They have to establish how much Dom loves Letty
And this is a little bit of a spoiler
So that in six when she comes back with amnesia
And is working for the bad guys
He has to try hard to win her back
No!
She comes back and has amnesia
and is working for the bad guys.
Gabrus,
the best part is you tell me
these things and then I go
okay, but then when I see them
in action, I scream.
When I saw Han,
I screamed. And then when he said the
Tokyo thing, I screamed. I knew
it was happening. You told me. And I screamed I knew it was happening you told me and I
couldn't handle it there's something fun about dropping these little connections to people who
don't fully know about them because it yeah when you really start articulating the movie like if
Fast 9 started with previously on the Fast and the Furious franchise you would be like this is
insane if they tried to catch you up to how they got to nine,
like with voiceover.
And then of course they started working for Mr. Nobody,
a shadow organization.
And Deckard Shaw joins their crew after he kills Han.
I don't think so.
I don't fucking think so.
Oh my God.
I've never been more excited to like get through movies.
Like I had so much fun watching all of them
I hated Tokyo Drift
but the last five seconds
of it I was like it made up for the
whole movie
this one I loved
tell Riley and Jeff why the last five
seconds of Tokyo Drift
so Vin Diesel and fucking Paul
Walker are not in the movie
instead this weird man with
a weird southern accent has to move to tokyo you better believe little bow wow is fucking in it
they have to learn how to drift there's this weird woman from australia and it's literally insane it
makes no sense at the end uh the main character who has a Southern accent is doing like a race. And then we see fucking Dom Toretto in the car next to him.
And then he's like,
I knew Han back in the day.
What does he say?
Fuck.
He's like,
I did some jobs with Han.
Yes.
And then that's it.
But you're like,
yes,
that's $800,000 for that.
I want to make. and also not only that,
but a promise to be in four, in the lead in four.
And then I think he becomes a producer in five.
Insane.
Yeah.
Also, there are parts of the movie where Dom is talking
and it is not indiscernible English.
I mean, it's just.
I mean, I had to turn the subtitles on for this film.
Five minutes in, I'm like, I cannot understand a word anyone's saying. And I had to turn the subtitles on for this film. Five minutes in, I'm like, I cannot understand a word anyone's saying.
And I had to turn the captions on because he doesn't move his mouth when he talks.
I think it's called grumblecore.
Nice.
Absolute insanity.
It was really wild.
I was turning the volume.
I was blasting the volume on the TV.
Every sound effect was so loud.
And then as soon as it would cut to him,
he'd be like,
I'm like,
well,
fuck me.
I'm like blowing my ears out with the engine.
Because,
because Don Toretto understands peaks and valleys of what you're watching.
Yeah.
You know,
the actions,
the height that you bring down and you ground it a little bit. You know, the action's the height that you bring down. And you ground a little bit to the numbers.
And you know, you feel.
Anyway, we gotta get through this.
Okay.
So they're traveling down to Mexico.
And Giselle gives them directions to track down Braga.
And then they're going through these tunnels, which is fully fucking insane.
And then what happens? Um, and then,
uh,
what happens?
Oh,
so then like,
there's a crash.
This,
this racing through the tunnels was truly insane.
It was really fun.
It's easier to shoot like,
and keep it scary.
I feel like because the POV works so much better.
You don't have to see a lot of wide shots.
So you can kind of like use editing to your advantage way more and i had a lot of fun in the tunnel the geography of like
what when you're making these big action sequences is very hard to be like who's where and why yeah
they do it it's an okay job and once you're in the tunnel you kind of lose track of who's where but
it's enough flashy cuts but for me the, this is why I love blockbuster films,
specifically the Fast and Furious franchise.
The shot leading up where they show the chase going into the fucking tunnel.
It's like Mad Max.
It's a helicopter shot of like 16 cars chasing two cars.
And that looks so fucking, in the desert, exactly.
It looks so cool.
There's nothing else in the frame
but two dozen cars
blowing through a huge desert.
Yeah, that was dope.
And just, I love,
just put that money
on the fucking screen.
Yeah.
How much money did this movie,
who gives a fuck?
Pour it on the screen
with like tons of cars
just flipping.
I love seeing like lifted trucks
and Jeeps too because
so much of the uh movies are like the low fast cars yeah but every once in a while they need
like special missions like in the first one here they get those tow trucks that flip open
but here you get to see some of the bad guys the drug runners have like those super springy pickup
trucks and i love watching the tow trucks come back in Hobbs and Shaw when they go to Samoa or Samoa.
Samoa.
One of the people on 90 Day Fiance says Samoa,
so I say Samoa, but it's not correct.
It's not correct at all.
Farrah says 360.
The budget on this movie was $85 million
and they used every fucking penny of it.
It made $360 million.
Which is fucking nuts. made more than 70 million
in its opening weekend which is like wild also i gotta say the the cops coming that was also
pretty dope looking and then oh yeah this fucking last scene with dom on the bus. First of all, I was like, this judge, excuse me, we had a deal.
You know? He brings down
this bad guy. Before we get to the judge,
one cool thing. I want to talk about how
the stud dies. He dies in a very cool
way. Oh, yes. He's about to
shoot Brian, and
all of a sudden Vin Diesel's got another
muscle corner. He's got his front
of the movie. This part makes you scream.
He comes flying out of the mountain. He's got his like fifth part of the movie. This part makes me scream. He comes flying
out of the mountain.
Does any wee.
He's just bearing down
on Phoenix.
Phoenix turns to him,
opens fire.
He does the pop a wheelie
so that the bullets
are hitting the bottom
of the car
rather than the windshield.
And then you're like,
he's just driving right at him.
And you're like,
why won't Phoenix
get out of the way?
Phoenix goes to get out of the way
and Brian grabs his ankle
and holds him in
place to get hit by a car that is so fucking cool that is like the ultimate wrestling tag team move
yeah it really is but then and then dom kills him and then it's like you see phoenix slumped over
the car and then the part that really just i was undone is it cuts back to Dom and he just goes pussy
yes so bad
I lost my
damn mind I was
screeching I rewind I'm like
I gotta see that again
I mean these movies
they're so fucking fun
like and I do love that they started at a
fucking 11 because we ended at
like a hundred like that they started at a fucking 11 because we ended at like a hundred.
It was so much fucking fun.
Yeah.
Real quick, we have to take a break.
And we're back.
So this film was not well received critically.
It is a 28% on Rotten Tomatoes, which I think is incorrect.
Fuck Rotten Tomatoes.
Rotten Tomatoes is broken.
Uh-huh.
So a critic from Time Out wrote, turn off your mind.
Turn off your mind, though. And there is some fun to be have uh from some of the better
whiz bang sequences what i don't fucking know what that means i think it's a perfect movie
i thought it was a real throw to the original movie yes and i kind of think that was so good
nicole it's funny you say that because i feel like when you zoom out and look at the entire
franchise that was sort of the plan and i would imagine they were like all right we got vin and paul walker in this movie let's
lock it in and do like it's a heightened version of uh the first movie and that'll re-ground us
in what the premise of these movies are and and i think it works and then in five they shift the
entire premise of the movie kind of like the attitude that it comes from
but they've earned it you'll see you'll see it's it's just a really and that's why it's my favorite
movie they do such a good shift uh before we talk about any other trivia do we just want to talk
about how cool the ending of this movie is so sick it's like it's a bookend it's like such a great
it's perfect dominion he's on the prison. He sent us to 25 years without parole.
With no option for early parole.
He's in his orange fucking jumpsuit.
He looks fucking good.
It plays with the olive colors in his skin tone.
He looks incredible.
It's a Big Bud Press coverall outfit.
I'm like, this was fitted to your body.
That very few people will get.
But Big Bud Press, organic stuff, made in Los Angeles, very cute.
Anywhere east of the 101, you know what I'm talking about.
Or the way I know Big Bud Press is that a lot of the kinds of models that I like to look at wear Big Bud Press.
A little curvy.
My kind of ladies wear those kind of big clothes.
I'm here for it.
My kind of ladies wear those big clothes.
I'm so familiar with
certain brands because it's like the models
on Instagram are like, I'm wearing this.
Yes, you are.
You're wearing it.
Yes, you could be.
You're wearing the shit out of that fashion, Nova.
They added a sundial.
So, okay, some trivia.
Due to Universal Pictures moving the release date up
from June 12th to April 3rd, Jesus,
composer Brian Tyler only had three days
to record the orchestra.
That's the score.
That's insane.
And I'll say this.
It shows. It it shows it's not
enjoyable at all it's not a it's not a you don't we don't go like the score of this movie ruled
like you don't remember it you don't remember it at all no that's a very tyler perry move
does it say why they moved it up because that's not just like a week that they really
something bigger was being released in the summer.
So it's like, you have your summer tentpole
movies, and then you're like, oh shit,
this might not do well, so you move it up to the spring.
Well, hey, then they made $360 million.
Yeah, whatever they did,
they made the right choice.
Good move. So we already said it,
but Fast and the Furious outgrossed the Tokyo
Drift in its first fucking weekend alone,
which is very funny
and that's the power of
Vin Diesel and Paul Walker
that is a magic chemistry
that we will see be
that made these movies literally
the movie leaves the two of them for two
movies and you're so ecstatic
that they come back together that's like a true
charisma friendship
on screen yeah dynamism
in some way it's so fucking cool i agree i love it it was such it was so nice to see them all
together um also i like that they let mia drive in the end yeah does she drive me as a doctor
and a driver it turns out wait she's a doctor well Well, she's the one who repairs Dom's bullet hole.
He goes, I gotta get you to a doctor.
JK, it's your sister, but she's good at
doctor shit. Trust me, we play doctor every
weekend. Oh yeah, then they fucked
on the counter while Dom was in
the garage. We didn't
see them fuck, but we knew what happened.
We heard it, though.
You heard Trish, right, Riley?
I think we all heard Trish. I think we all heard it, though. We heard Trish. That was because she was like weeping. You heard Trish, right, Riley? You heard Trish. I think we all heard Trish.
I think we all heard it.
Okay, well, we've come to the end.
Next week, we're watching Fast Five.
Yeah!
I'm really excited about it.
Me too.
I fucking love these movies.
They bring me joy.
I was smiling ear to ear watching the whole thing.
Jeff, Rileyiley do you guys
have anything you want to plug uh can i just run a stand-up joke by you god damn it yeah it's
related yeah god it better be cobs and slaw the fastest barbecue sides ever honestly it works in
this context because we're talking about it.
Yeah.
But you would have to explain
that to an audience.
Now, I'm not as well-versed
in stand-up as Byron.
That's my opener and closer.
It's my type one.
It's 10 seconds of saying it
and 50 seconds of a standing O.
Well, I say you can work it.
I know you're touring
opening for Louis C.K. this summer,
so maybe you can test out your material there.
Special guest, I'm not supposed to announce it,
but Delia's going to be at the Albuquerque show.
And Jeff is solely doing Fast and Furious material.
In between movies 9 and 10
when it's completely out of the zeitgeist,
hoping people...
I mean, that's...
I'm truly...
This is my life. I'm like
all I want to talk about is Fast and the Furious
and it happens like once every three years
that everyone is talking about it.
And then they asked me to fill in for Lapkus on Newcomers
and I was like, more screaming about
Toretto!
Oh my god.
I mean, it's fucking delightful.
I'm truly having a great time.
You didn't waste your plugs.
Don't waste your plugs on Jeff's jokes.
I'm so sorry we wasted Jeff's plugs on a cops and slaw joke.
We have our HeadGum show, Review Review.
It's R-E-V-I-E-W-R-E-V-U-E.
And Jeff, do you want to plug HeadGum?
Yeah.
Review Review is an improv comedy podcast based on
Yelp reviews. It's a lot of fun.
Gabrus has done an episode so if you
want an intro to that. Nicole you're always welcome on the show.
I know you're really busy.
And then I also have some show problems.
I mean I would do it
but like I have four podcasts that I have to
record on the weekend now.
Two or three TV shows?
Yeah, I'm working full time.
I'm a little, yeah, on my break from the show,
like Grand Crew, the show I'm on, I'm shooting Wipeout.
And it's going to be fun.
It's a lot.
My roommate's the showrunner's assistant on Grand Crew.
He says to say hello.
Oh, Dylan Mason, hello.
He's really excited about it.
Tell him Nicole did her famous Helen Mirren
impression for him.
Hell no!
And I fucking crushed it, baby!
Baby!
And then I also host a show called The HeadGum Podcast,
which is like a British panel show
of some sort with a lot of bizarre,
uncomfortable quizzes and games.
It's kind of Hollywood handbooky between two Fernsie and Gabrus.
You got to come on.
You got it.
It would be fun.
Yeah.
Pass.
Not nearly as busy as buyer,
but I'm too busy for that bullshit.
You're a vacation boy.
I'm supposed to see my family for the first time in 18 months and I've
already taken two hours away to watch Fast and Furious.
And then another two hours away to scream about it.
To fucking talk about it.
Tell your mom I said hi.
Where's Uncle Mommy?
I fucking love your mother.
Please tell her I said hello.
She's a huge fan of yours.
Give Tiff a hug for me.
I love her too.
You picked some great ladies.
You picked some great ladies in your life.
Your mom.
Wow, I can't believe you picked your mom.
One of the best. I found a great
vagina to come out of and another one to come
into.
That's the worst sentence I've ever heard.
Eventually that takes the cake.
That's my opener
and closer. I'm touring with Jeff Ross.
Gabrus, find
a man for me in
New York. Where are you? Long Island?
I got you. Yeah, I'm in Long Island. There's a lot of
buff tan guys in your style.
Find me one and tell them that they gotta move to
LA. You got it. Okay.
If you write a nice review
reviewing, oh, this is
right in reviews.
So this person, nice said this season will go too fast and I'm furious about it
the latest season of newcomers is so fantastic it momentarily made me forget a tornado ravaged
our property destroyed our roof and decimated our garage god bless I hope you're okay Nicole
and Gaber's is joy and reveling in these movies is contagious and has
been such a needed bright spot and otherwise terrible week.
I've always enjoyed the show,
but the last season is some,
the latest season is something special.
I'd pick up a brush,
deal with insurance claims or do any other menial miserable tasks willingly.
If I had these two efforts,
effort,
but two F's like the movie always to,
to listen to for a while,
a little heart.
Well, thank you so much.
If you write us a review, I'll read it.
I'll stumble through it like I did that one.
Here, let me read one real quick.
This is from Meat Mug.
He says, big fun, vroom vroom.
Solid review.
Thank you for putting that in the notes.
Big fun, vroom vroom.
I love it.
All right.
Well, that's it
We'll see you next week
With Fast Five
And I'm fucking jazzed about it
And maybe I'll have a boyfriend
From Long Island
Oh I got you
You'll be getting some
Long Island dick
And we will be going
From directly the end of this movie
We're gonna go jump
One second in time
At the beginning of Fast Five
I can't wait
I can't fucking wait
Can't wait for that
And my Long Island
Ice D.
Nice!
Long Island Ice D.
That's such a
nice bike. Thank you. That was a Hidgum Original.