Newcomers: Sports, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (w/ Mano Agapion)

Episode Date: April 14, 2020

Who's cashing the check for these CGI'd actors? Can they just screenshot a hologram? Why is the Star Wars timeline so convoluted?? We've got questions after watching Rogue One, the first Star Wars spin-off film. Nicole's podcasting co-host Mano Agapion (host of Drag Her, We Love Trash) joins us to answer all of our burning questions! Plus, Lauren finds a meditative use in the Force, and Nicole's losing track between the white woman of Star Wars.Like Newcomers? Enter the 5-Star Wars by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast platform. Let us know ideas for your dream Star Wars fan fiction!Sponsor:Manscaped: Get 20% off and free shipping with the code NEWCOMERS at Manscaped.comSources for this episode:Rogue One Film SummaryTriviaRogerEbert.com ReviewSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Let's just get this over with, shall we? We've a mission for you. A major weapons test is imminent. We need to know how to destroy it. If you're really doing this, I want to help. Good. Good. I've been recruiting for the Rebellion for a long time. We destroyed our home!

I fight the Empire now. I fear nothing. All is as the Force wills it. The Captain says you are a friend. I will not kill you. Thanks. The captain says you are a friend. I will not kill you. Thanks. There isn't much time. Every day they grow stronger. There is a 97.6% chance of failure.

Pay me as well. This is our chance to make a real difference. Are you with me? All the way. Wow! Welcome to another episode of Newcomers, where me, Nicole Byer, and Lauren Lapkus are watching Star Wars! Oh my God. Hi, I'm Lauren Lapkus. That was Nicole Byer, and we watched Rogue One, a Star Wars story this week.

Oh my God. Well, before we jump into our amazing guest who we have here today, we have a segment we call Hoth Goss, where we talk about some Star Wars news, updates, tweets, anything sexy and cool that was sent to us. I received a tweet, and so did you, and it says, it's from Just dan at if the dude abides he says regarding l337 stupid name online gaming slang is known as leet speak and spelled lee7 meaning elite and that's why that guy was named that i also received a horny picture of Jar Jar with a six pack.

And I loved that. You sent that to me and I truly was like, oh, what a treat. I was so happy to see it. That was honestly sexy. I think Jar Jar could be sexy. Jar Jar could be a sex icon

if we let Jar Jar be Jar Jar. We need to accept Jar Jar for who he is and his body is fucking fire. OK. And everyone needs to lick with a Jar Jar tongue up on that six pack or 20 pack, whatever he's got. He's not human. I really hope some nerd goes down on his girlfriend and he's like, I'm going to use the Jar Jar Tongue. Well, oh my God, wait, somebody. Lauren Lapkus told me to. Somebody like, I think posted something I just saw. Maybe it was tweeted to both of us, but where a woman wrote on Reddit that like her boyfriend uses the Yoda voice when he goes down on her and he's been doing it since they first

started dating. And it was like funny when they first started, when it was like a her and he's been doing it since they first started dating. And it was like funny when they first started when it was like a joke. And he's been doing it for years. Uh-huh. And she hates it, obviously. Oh, no. Yeah. Here's the thing. I'm so single.

I'll take it. I would date actual Yoda at this point. He is ageless. He's wise. Yeah. He's probably rich. Yes. He knows how to live on a budget anyway yes and he's already balding so he doesn't have that you know body image issue he's little he's

fine we should introduce our guest we should oh my god he just he just sent us a message in this Zoom chat that we're in, and it's Jar Jar licking Darth Maul's ass, okay? This is the perfect guest for this show. I love that you knew that. I feel sick at what I know now, okay? Lauren, I am so proud of you. You know a lot. We both do.

This is what's scary. We both know this stuff now we do i saw a picture of some sand on a beach where the water or the sand was red when you move your feet on it and i was like that's like in the last jedi and then i was like i hate my life and i hate that i know that i saw a tweet that was like i guess i really love that lauren latkus now knows enough about star wars that she's using it in her improv now i did use it on copy bang bang i i'm like you saying this stuff all the time it's just part of my brain now it's so funny wait okay so our guest you've seen him on improvising crazy ex-girlfriend also he's got a podcast called we love trash and i co-host drag her sometimes with him. It's Manu Agapian.

What's up? Thank you for being here. Manu, what's your relationship to Star Wars? We're talking over each other already. Oh yeah, it's going to be like this. It is. But you're all perfect. I want to say I listen to the pod and I love your journey.

It's been so cool to see you guys be like really over it but then like all want Yoda backpacks. I really do want a Yoda backpack. Nicole, we didn't get to go to Disneyland

before coronavirus. We have our matching baby Yoda shirts. We need to get our Yoda backpacks and we need to get to Disney. Yeah.

Maybe. Maybe we could like get Disney to open up specifically just for us. If it's just a small group. Right? And we social distance. We stay six feet away from each other. It has to be. It has to be pretty safe if it's like seven

people in there. Right? That's really safe. I want to say, oh, I want to say I love that you love Jar Jar because, and I said this to you on the other pod and I need to say it on this one because for nicole like life is drag and i think jar jar is more drag than like a character when you really think about it yeah because he's almost like a drag queen in star wars like he makes no sense next to other people yeah he really doesn't no he doesn't make any sense um but i I grew up with some Star Wars

but kind of I got tricked into it because my brother loved Star Wars and he was four years older and since he was into it, I was at that age where I was like yeah, I'm going to love whatever you love. And we got really into the originals. We went to the theater when the special editions came out.

We lied to ourselves when the prequel came out. We lied to ourselves when the prequel came out and thought it was good. And we did action figure shopping too. Like we got really into action figures. Which ones did you have? Oh, a shit ton. Like my brother, so like, what is the top?

What is the top? Like the top of my brother's walls in his bedroom? Ceiling. What's not the... What's the top wall? I know the bottom wall is down and the walls on the side are the walls.

Where the top is! Not the floorboard, but the other one. The border. The molding? Oh, the molding? Yes, there's basically a created molding in my brother's bedroom of Star Wars action figures in their packaging. Wow. So it's like a hundred or eighty. He has like a shit ton of them. And we got really into like shopping for them because like there are certain figures that are worth more.

because like there are certain figures that are worth more because the company that made them was crazy and they like they created a few different ones for nerds to go like find and buy. Like for instance, there was like a Luke Skywalker who had a really long lightsaber. And if you found that one, it was worth like thousands. Like they made one toy, but then some of them had long lightsabers

or it was like a whole separate toy that was limited edition. No, no, like some of them just like would had long lightsabers or it was like a whole separate toy that was limited edition no no like some of them just hit just like would have long lightsabers it's like willy wonka like golden ticket yeah the golden ticket yeah that's fucked up though like what a predatory approach to selling merchandise to nerds well you know what though do you remember this toy called puppy surprise when we were little and it was like a puppy that had you would get there's a dog that had puppies inside and you could get one through five and my aunt went to toys r us and she stuck her hand in every box until she found a pup a dog that had five puppies inside and that's what i got for christmas i love your aunt automatically this woman went to a children's toy store and was just sticking her hand up she just fisted a bunch of pregnant dogs that's fantastic well it's no fun to get one you need

to get five like that's the fun i love her my aunt once sent me a full easter dinner through the mail and it wasn't refrigerated so we have different families that's amazing it was but some was cooked and some was not it's not good okay well this movie yeah was released december 16th 2016 the director was gareth edwards and it was written by chrisitz and Tony Gilroy. And so was this movie in the theaters? Like, just like... Yes. Right?

Like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was this movie... I guess... I thought the same way. I was like, I missed it. Because I thought that it's not part of the Star Wars canon. This is lore, right?

I don't know. I think it might be canon. Okay. I wasn't sure about that maybe i'm wrong because it's called a star wars story right but i think it's canon because they mention in a new hope that a lot of people died for this for us to be able to like defeat the death star or whatever i don't know that's what John Milhiser, my roommate, said to me. Well, actually, no, you're probably right, because at the end, when Darth Vader is there,

someone someone tweeted at me and they were like, now turn on New Hope right at the end. I was like, no, but I think what they meant was. I found the clip online if you want to, but like literally there's no for that. No, there's a clip online that's like oh this is exactly like literally someone watched the original movie and then they were like what if i made a really good movie based on that well i liked it what'd you guys think i personally didn't like it but i also feel like there were things that i did like about it and i liked felicity jones right i like her character what here's the thing about her.

That was a different person than Homegirl in Force Awakens. That was a different person from Solo. They all seem like the same woman. That's racist. It's very racist and bigoted of you.

These white women are doing their best to get roles. They're all the same. They are. And Lauren, I know that you're Lauren because you're blonde. You're not a brunette. They're all brunettes. I know you're Lauren because you have big old eyes.

But that's the thing. They were very plain. The characters are very nondescript there's not a lot going on i just liked her because i like looking at her like it's not there's nothing to that really the character's not that developed i just was like i like when there's a girl and i felt that way with all of the movies so far like the girl is always like my favorite basically it's a classic um male like a male director's like i know how i'll be inclusive we'll get a girl and she'll be a tomboy but one we want to fuck you know like exactly it's very that that is the whole mission

of like we're inclusive but also someone wants to bonk her yeah she was hot and also her name was jen yeah jen i was like what a what a basic name. Jen? Jen. It's Jen. Oh, it's Jen? It's Jen. Nicole, that's so perfect that you heard it wrong. It's Jen. Her name was Jen. Wait, what was her name?

J-Y-N. Yes. It's not Jen? No, it's not Jen. How funny if it was like Rach. Rach? Rach. Heather? That's what i let's let's read a little bit of this plot

okay and we'll and we'll talk it through okay so research scientist galen urso and his family are in hiding on the planet lamu when imperial weapons developer orson krennic arrives to press him into completing the death star a space station-based super weapon capable of destroying entire planets. Galen's wife Lyra is killed in the confrontation while their daughter Jyn escapes and is rescued by rebel extremist

Saw Gerrera. Woo, Saw! I thought his name was Saul. I thought his name was Saul too, and then I was like, why is he having so much trouble breathing? Yeah, he was injured in the Clone Wars. Because this takes place like- Do you know him?

I'm familiar with him because I watched the cartoon series, The Clone Wars. Do you know him? Manu, do you know him personally? Do you know him? Here's what I'll say. I've been to two of his birthday parties and they were both horrible. But he's just one of those people you're like, I have to show up or else I'll

never get invited again. Yes. We all have those. But he's known as kind of like the Malcolm X or Bernie Sanders of the rebellion. Oh. Because he's well, he's technically part of the, oh God, what are they called? The puh, the

puh-puh something. Don't look at us. Yeah, we don't know. They're like, even the rebels were like, what are they called? The Puh, the Puh-Puh something. Don't look at us. Yeah, we don't know. They're like, even the rebels were like, you're too extreme. Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah, they were like, you're too much.

Like, cause he basically got hurt in the Clone Wars cause he was once trained by Obi-Wan Kenobi a million years ago. And even Obi was like, hey man, we're trying to bring light to the force, not like more deaths to people. So is he, he's not a Jedi. He's just a man with a breathing problem.

He's got Corona. He's got a respiratory infection. Yeah. I think like the people who wrote him were like, Ooh, wouldn't it be cool if there was like a Darth Vader who was like a a good guy like to show that like extremism on both sides is bad because he's like the he's he's a little he's known as just being too extreme the other way and how do you know him okay so the clone wars was both a comic and a cartoon and they kind of fill in the gaps between

two and three we're gonna watch to watch them, I'm sure. Yeah, you're probably going to watch them. But it's just like, how come these movies don't fill in the blanks? Why are there, there's so much other shit to fill in the blanks. Yeah. There's a cartoon in between movies? Yeah. I know, it seems like, and so everyone's expected to watch the cartoon or something?

Well, it's kind of, okay, it's both the stupidest thing in the world and it's genius because it's like, imagine if you could write any movie and then you were just like, oh, that's another movie in between. Oh, yeah. I mean, they have an amazing ability. Everyone who's worked on these films has an amazing ability to make the story go on for so long. And this one was real time again, as far as I could tell.

It truly was. Because it felt like I was living in their life. And oh my God. You guys didn't like it at all. No, no, I like some of it. I liked the beginning, actually. Oh, see, I like the end. I like the end too.

I didn't like the middle. I like the beginning and the end. So, okay, I started the movie. And okay, I was bra like the middle. I liked the beginning and the end. So, okay, I started the movie, and, okay, I was braiding my hair, and I had smoked a little weed, and then I did a little edible, and I thought I was fine, and then I started the movie,

and I kept being like, who are these people? Why do we care about them? Who are they? And John was like, you have to keep watching. And then I would be watching scenes, and john was like you have to keep watching and then i would be watching scenes and i was like again there's no leia there's no hans i don't know these people and

then he was like yeah nicole it's an adjacent story and i was like but why so then i restarted it today and i had to re-watch a whole hour that I lost yesterday. I'm shocked you did that. That is shocking. Well, we started again, and I was just like, who are these people? And I was sober. So I was like, okay, let me go back a little bit. And to tell you the truth, I went back,

and I still don't know who these people are. Well, I felt that way a lot. But there were a lot of little guys that I really liked. Like, okay, I'm looking at our character sheet here. Wee Te here we teeth qb that little guy who was like a grumpy little like gnome i loved that oh he was like moradis the frog we teeth oh oh yes yes yes i liked him admiral raddus i oh i really liked him there was a lot of hot guys in this movie, wasn't there? Okay, General Antoch Merrick, he was real hot. Oh, see, I love Cassian played by Diego Luna. Fuck me.

Yeah, he's good looking. He's a daddy. Zaddy. But here's like a question that I have. Okay. So the K2SO. Yes, Mark Rennie. A name I'm i'm never gonna remember didn't he remind you of mark renny a little i just it honestly made me enjoy the movie more where every time we talk just

imagine it's mark renny sassing off i wish i had been thinking that way the whole time yeah it would have been more enjoyable it makes it a lot lot better. But we never see that robot again. No, he dies. No, no, no. We never see that kind of robot again. That's true. Well, I was actually saying during it that I wished that every robot looked like C-3PO, but they were like different color metallics, like green metallic, pink metallic. Like Yoshi.

I was just like that. Like, I don't know. This one reminded me of big hero six a little bit it did remind me of big hero six but also i was like how come there's no like lady robots like how come nobody's got titties right or a female feminine personality at least right That is weird. I guess we had one in Solo because Calo, Calo Rizzio. Nope. Lando Calrissian. Oh, my God. I would have never gotten there. Well, he fucked that lady robot.

Oh, yeah. That was pretty hot. Looked more ladylike. I mean, the legend is so big. Did you? Okay, one thing I just have to say is that I love this movie because they were like, wait, the first movie has a big stupid flaw where there's an oops button in the middle of the Death Star. And it feels like to me this movie was like,

what if we created the best story possible for why there's an oops button in the middle of the Death Star? But here's the thing. I didn't remember there was an oops button. Me neither. Okay, fair. And it was really hard for me to get in my brain that this movie happens in between Hayden Christensen becoming Darth Vader and A New Hope. I do not understand.

I found that really, I didn't, I feel like that wasn't clear enough. And I felt like they didn't have the like that wasn't clear enough and i felt like they didn't have the crawl at the beginning which made me oh i have such pit stains but they didn't have the crawl because i was like don't they want to explain who this is and what's happening like there was none but it's not a star wars it's not what it's not like one of the main star wars movie and i think it can only have a crawl when it's a main Star Wars movie. Did Solo not have a crawl? No. Oh, also they didn't pan down.

They panned up. Yes. Which I was like, this seems different. They also have a different camera style and like they don't have the wipe thing, which I love. Oh. I love the omission. That's why it felt more cinematic, I guess. Which I love.

We should keep going with the plot. Okay. Okay. So 15 years later, just before the Battle of Yavin, cargo pilot Bodhi Rook... Bodhi... Is it Bodhi? Bodhi Rook defects from the Empire,

taking a holographic message recorded by Galen to the Gera to the desert to Moon Jahida. Oh, my God. What did you just say? Jedha. But whatever. Who cares? to the desert to moon jahida oh my god what did you just say jedha but whatever who cares and i kept saying the words of the planets out loud when i was watching him and john and he was like do you know how to read and i was like yes but i guess not well anyway no keep going after learning about the death star from an agent at a trading outpost, King of Karifi, Rebel Alliance Intelligence Officer Kassian Andor frees Jen from an Imperial labor camp at Wabani before bringing her to the Rebel leader, Mon Motha, who convinces her to rescue Galen so the Alliance can learn more about the Death Star. Kassian is covertly ordered to kill Galen rather than extract him. Wait, who the fuck is Mon Mothma?

She's the lady. Mon Mothma is like the woman? She's like one of the big rebel leaders. Oh, she's the neck. This bitch. The neck. This bitch is a living giraffe. If a giraffe became a person, it was Mon Mothma.

Mon Mothma money, honey. If I had that haircut i would look like the neck okay people yeah she your neck is not that long it is if you have no hair balancing it out look at i'm sweating through my shirt and i keep showing you guys okay i'm sweaty too she looks like detox the drag queen a little bit she does i'm gonna keep reading a little bit just because we have a long thing. We do.

A lot. Jyn, Cassian, and reprogrammed Imperial droid K2SO travel to Jedha where the Empire is removing kyber crystals

from the Holy City to power the Death Star while Gerrera and his partisans are engaged in an armed insurgency against them. With the aid of a blind

spiritual warrior Chirrut Imwe and his mercenary friend Baze Malbus, are engaged in an armed insurgency against them. With the aid of a blind spiritual warrior, Chirrut Imwe, and his mercenary friend, Baze Malbus, Jyn makes contact with Gerrera, who has been holding Rook captive. Gerrera shows her the message,

in which Galen reveals he has secretly built a vulnerability into the Death Star and directs them to retrieve the schematics from an Imperial data bank on the planet Scarif. Okay. I like the blind man. I thought he was very cool.

I loved him. That was actually one of my favorite characters. I forgot. He was one of my favorite characters, too. But I was confused because I was like, is he a Jedi or is he a junior Jedi? Or is he just like, believe in the Force enough that the Force is with him and he's not a Jedi?

I was confused. And then his friend, was he a Ghostbuster? Ah! Wait! just like believe in the force enough that the force is with him and he's not a jedi i was confused and then his friend was he a ghostbuster ah wait i gotta look at the pictures he was wearing that backpack and had a ghostbuster hose so they're both basically rebels obviously they're both just like rebels and definitely he's trained like with jedi i don't know if he's a jedi knight or or if he's just trained with jedi but yes he is clearly in touch with the force as we see when he like blindly walks through bullets you know yeah he's amazing he was so good and that's what that's what i love i love this movie like has some of the best actors in the Star Wars universe ever. And then it's heartbreaking that we lose them all.

This franchise, I say it almost every week, this franchise does not give a fuck if you like a character. They're just going to die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When he died, I was genuinely pretty upset. I was like, oh, but I liked him.

Well, and that was a really sweet moment when the guy was holding him and saying the Force stuff to him. I was like, but I liked him well and that was a really sweet moment when the guy was like holding him and saying the force stuff to him I was like oh that's sad that was cute and that's what I mean what is gratifying about it if well because I watched the movies growing up is like you always hear about the rebels that came before they always refer to it in the

movies and like you know like and even video games refer to it a lot of like where they're like, these are the rebels. This is the rebel force. And this movie like gave them a face and like gave them characters, which for I think for people who grew up with it is like that was incredibly gratifying. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. It was so cool. But also, let's make fun of the soundtrack

because wasn't it funny how all the songs kind of feel like a karaoke version of a real Star Wars song? Like they all just made the tune and it's like vaguely similar. Yeah, it's like da da da da da da da

I didn't clock the music until Darth Vader came back and I was like, there's my friend. There's my man. But see, that's the thing. It's like, I like the part with Darth and I was like, oh yay, okay. I like when they connect the story to the stories I already know.

I like when it feels like, oh, I see how this is part of the story and where he came from and how this happened. But there's not enough of that in this. The first half of the story and where he came from and how this happened. But there's not enough of that in this. No. The first half of the movie is so hard to, like,

feel any sort of connection. And I think that's why I kept being like, why do I care about these people? A big reason why, and I understand why it's annoying,

when it first came out, they wanted the reveal that it's episode 3.5 to be a surprise. Oh, God. So it5 to be a surprise. Oh, God. So it was kind of a reveal. Obviously, the people who knew about the lore very much knew where it was in order,

but they vaguely called it a Star Wars story because they didn't just want to say it's 3.5. They were hoping, and it obviously didn't work for y'all, but they were hoping when they were like, holy shit this is what happens right before a new hope what a gag they were hoping to gag the children that makes so much sense but after i finished the movie i was like they gotta redo these prequels this one was good i know yes this one was actually good one thing i i liked about this one is that they made it look kind of

like four five six in terms of like the special effects and stuff like it felt kind of throwbacky and the like um weird like alien type characters looked more real and not so cgi which we like more But I will say, Grand Moff Tarkin looked fucking insane. And I said to John, I was like, so he is... The old man. I don't... Yeah, the old man who's like... Did John explain? Yes, he's a dead person.

Yeah. And they took his fucking face and they CGI'd him. And I was like, who cashes that check? He did. Isn't that insane? It's 100% a fake man. And Mike told me that like right when he came on screen. And then I was like, well, now I don't know if I would have thought he looked weird.

And he's like, you would have. Well, I kept saying it. I kept being like, he looks, I feel like I'm watching a cartoon. He's like, well, he is a cartoon. I was like, you have to explain that further. And he's like, oh, he is CGI'd onto some man's body. And I thought it was so crazy. And also unnecessary.

Like, just give a lookalikers. It was, oh, I did not like it. And then Leia was. Oh, well, that was crazy. Yeah, I didn't like that. But like, first of all, with like, with using a person who's died, like we can suspend our disbelief.

I can understand that that's a different actor and also maybe it's a different time period and they're younger or whatever. They did that already with some other movies. There were some characters like that played by different people. So I don't know why they did that there, but maybe it's because the technology

was available to them and so they just were like, let's do it. I think because they, unfortunately, I hope they paid them anything, but they probably didn't because they're Disney. But I think they were like, let's do it. I think because they, unfortunately, I don't, I hope they paid them anything, but they probably didn't because they're Disney. But like, I think they were like, fans love that character, Grand Moff Tarkin. And he dies very quickly in the original.

And people are like, oh, there's like so much just, people, I don't know, people love him. He's the one who gets choked out by Darth. And I think people were just like, let's see more of him. So that's what they did. Interesting. We need to take a quick break. We'll be right back with a bunch more. Okay.

We're back. He's basically Dick Cheney. Do you know what I mean? What? Who wants to see more of Dick Cheney? Look, the fans need their cheney grand moff tarkin is like the cheney of the world he's the one who's like pulling the strings and making all the evil decisions yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay on the death star krennic orders a low power test test shot which destroys Jahida's capital. Then Jen and her group take Rook and Fleet of the Moon,

but then Guerrera remains to die with the city. So Grand Moff Tarkin congratulates Krennic before using Rook's defection and then security leaks as a pretext to take control of the project. Rook leads the group to galen's imperial research facility on the planet edu where cassian chooses not to kill galen this is wild jen makes her presence known among the moments before the rebel bombers attack the facility galen is mortally by the bombers and dies in his daughter's arms before she escapes with her group on board a stolen imperial cargo shuttle krennic is summoned by darth vader to answer for the attack on edu krennic offers his support for an audience of the emperor but vader instead force chokes him

and orders him to ensure no further breaches occur that's-hmm. Oh, that's so much. It's a lot. So this is when they go on that, they take that really shaky dive into the rainy planet. Yes. Yeah, that was wild. That really scared the shit out of me just because what a scary landing.

What part is that? I feel like I can't remember that. Me either. So this is when she finds her dad? Yes, that's where they're going down to the rainy planet and then hot Diego Luna's like, I feel like I can't remember that. Me either. So this is when she finds her dad? Yes. That's where they're going down to the rainy planet. And then hot Diego Luna's like, I got to go ahead of you. And then they're like, wait, he had a sniper rifle.

And then so she sneaks up behind her dad. And then he has the shot, but he doesn't take it because he's doubting whether it's right to kill him or not. Yeah, I was really confused about that. So, like, Diego was supposed to, wait, what's his name in the Star Wars? His name is? Cassian Andor. Oh, my God, these names. So, Cassian Andor was supposed to kill her daddy.

Yes. Why? Because he built the Death Star? Yes, because basically the rebels were unsure if he was good or not. Because even though we know, the audience, that he got tricked into using his engineering know-how to build the Death Star. I remember at the beginning of the movie, he was like, I want out. And they were like, no, you can't have out. So the people who are younger were just told, like, just kill him. He's bad news.

He's the one keeping the death star going because he knows how it works so um this scene is basically imperative for both of them to know that both of them are on the right side of history like you know what i mean so for cassian to know that oh wow she's a real rebel and vice versa for her to know oh wow he she did not he did not kill my dad when he had the chance it's also kind of wild that she saw this hologram of her dad and was like he said x y and z and everyone was just kind of like hey okay like nobody was like we need more proof and then also how come she couldn't like screenshot it aren't we in the future like screenshot the fucking hologram that would have been smart

or like yeah record it you gotta have a fucking recorder right yeah well i think that's why saw is an interesting part of this because remember saw like adopted her saw guerrera yeah so that's partially did he find her in the hole when she was a kid? Yep. And that's why they're kind of the partisans is what they're called. That's why they're kind of like on edge about her because they're like, is she fucking crazy? Like she was adopted by an extremist on one side and her father built the Death Star. We can't trust her.

She crazy. Oh, yeah. That does make a lot of sense. You can't trust her. She crazy. Oh, yeah, that does make a lot of sense. You know, they just had no clue, but they were willing to use her as bait, which is why that one guy takes Cassian aside and is like, hey, just kidding.

You don't need to save him. Just fucking kill him. That's what Cassian's like. That's fucked up. I don't... that's fucked up. Okay, well then, Jyn proposes a plan to steal the Death Star schematics using the Rebel fleet,

but fails to gain approval from the Alliance Council, who feel victory against the Empire is now impossible. Frustrated at their inaction, Jyn's group leads a small squad of Rebel volunteers to raid the databank themselves. Arriving at Skarif on the stolen Imperial ship, which Rook dubs Rogue One, a disguised Jyn and Cassian enter the base with K2SO while the other rebels attack the Imperial garrison as a diversion. The rebel fleet learns of the raid from intercepted

Imperial communications and deploys in support. K2SO sacrifices himself so Jyn and Cassian can retrieve the data. Imwe is killed after activating the master switch to allow communication with the Rebel fleet, and Malbus is killed in action shortly afterwards. Rook is killed by a grenade after informing the Rebel fleet that it must deactivate the shield surrounding the planet to avoid the transmission of the schematics. Jyn and Cassian obtain the schematics, but they are ambushed by Krennic, who is eventually shot and wounded by Cassian. Jyn transmits the schematics to the Rebel Command ship.

The Death Star enters orbit above Skorif, where Tarkin uses another low-power shot to destroy the compromised base, killing Krennic, Cassian, and Jyn, along with all remaining Imperial and Rebel forces. Ah, that's a big chunk. That's like a big chunk. That was very, very big chunk.

Okay, basically it was like everyone dies. Like, everyone dies in some interesting way. And then I thought the part where Jin and Cassian are like on the beach

at the end, like in Santa Monica. Yes. And then they're like holding each other. And I thought, here's my question. I was so mad they didn't kiss.

Well, yeah, because I was like, is there a romance here or what? And then if there's not, I love that they didn't kiss. Get away yeah, because I was like, is there a romance here or what? And then if there's not, like, get away from her. Yes, I love that they didn't kiss. What was their dynamic? I think, okay, for me, and feel free to disagree,

it's like, it's cool they didn't kiss because I'm so sick of every Star War ending with a kiss. And also, their dynamic was like, holy shit, we gave up everything so that the universe has hope. A new hope. Yeah. Oh. Right.

But if you're going to give the universe hope, why don't you get your dick wet? Right at the end, they had a few seconds before they blew up. Honestly, I couldn't resist. How could you? Diego Luna and those dreamy eyes. So handsome. Also. The other thing that kind of bothered me,

because I felt like they didn't have any chemistry the whole movie, and then at the end they're, like, huddled together, and I'm like, why? And also it seems like she could be having a moment about, like, her dad and, like, her life ending, and, like, it's bigger than him, but then still he's, like, hugging her and then they blow up. See, I thought they had zero chemistry until that moment when i was like oh they about to get it on right and then they didn't also i gotta say when he gets shot by what's his name maul no

when he gets shot by krennic when he fell down the dust yeah tarkin tarkin kills krennic krennic. When he fell down. The dust. Yeah. Tarkin. Tarkin kills Krennic. Krennic is basically Jared Kushner. He's like not powerful enough, but he's just there to be a piece of shit. Yeah. So Krennic is the one that shoots him when they're climbing. Yeah. He's the one at the very beginning of the movie too. Remember where he like.

No, Tarkin I think kills Krennic, Cassian and Jyn. According to this paragraph. Oh. Well, there's a part, Cassian, and Jyn, according to this paragraph. Oh. Well, there's a part where Cassian falls. Yes, because they're getting that specific tape. They missed an opportunity to really have him fall for longer. That's one of my critiques of the whole movie. When he fell inside the canister. Yeah.

Because I was like, that could have been funny. But then I guess it wasn't supposed to be funny. It was supposed to be that shitty thing where it's like, did he die or not? But I agree. There could have been a slide. There could have been some sort of funny horns that he bumped into. There could have been like squirrels that attacked him yeah yes and then it would have been the true screwball comedy i keep looking for but guys i want you to know

that the internet postulates if jinn is gay oh i would like that i would have liked that she doesn't seem into anyone right she's not bothered also she could have been asexual that too I love that I think the thing is like I

I feel like in these movies like we just want someone to kiss because like we want to like fully understand what's happening in one moment

I'm like if I see two people kissing I'm like I understand the plot right now yeah I think we're looking for something we recognize yeah If I see two people kissing, I'm like, I understand the plot right now. Yeah, I think we're looking for something we recognize. Because you're just like, I don't know, there's these big fucking things stomping around.

Also, okay, when the fucking robot thing died, I was genuinely upset because I was like, so they keep killing robots we like, but why can't I take the computer of the robot and put him into another robot? They probably could have, right? But wait, here's another question. Did you think this movie ended a hundred times and it didn't? This is a movie where when they all blew up, I was like, the end. And then they were like, nope, here's all the characters from A New Hope. And then I was like, okay. Which I was still happy about as far as more things happening

I'm like well I like to see the old guys I know that Darth scene was so cool also yeah that was and he was like

killing everyone oh my god read the last paragraph I want to fuck with that Darth I want to take him out of his hard shell I also want to tell you guys

a nerdy piece of trivia which is they used scenes on Scarif they used scenes on Scarif. They used scenes like parts of that were going to be in A New Hope and they never made it in. So they actually were able to they like were able to repurpose them into this movie. So that's why they look like really 70s. Yeah, because it literally is.

Some of the actors were actually specifically used. 70s yeah because it literally is some of the actors wow were actually specifically used once again i don't know if they were fucking paid but they're there they were used as well as like the atat battle things yeah i recognize those things i couldn't remember which one they were in that's crazy right okay thank you oh my god so important wait no but that makes sense because there were some parts where i was like oh they did a great job of blending a new hope with this. But it just turns out it was just scenes from a new hope. Yeah. Yeah.

They were like cut and paste. OK. Great. Two hours and 40 minutes. Awesome. So the end of this is the Rebel fleet prepares to jump into hyperspace. But many of the fleet ships are intercepted by Vader's. Oh, how weird. Just calling intercepted by vader's uh oh how weird just calling him vader

by darth vader's flagship vader boards the rebel command ship and massacres many of the rebel troops in an attempt to regain the schematics but a small starship escapes with the plans uh on board uh on board the fleeting ship princess leia declares that the schematics will provide hope for the rebellion. Yes. I like that because it was like she was going to turn right into being like, we need you, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Yeah. I thought that was cute. Also, Mike told me that in German, Vader means father.

So like, Luke, I am your father, Darth Vader. Pretty good. Dark father. Dark Vader. Lauren, you are so proud of yourself. Get it? Because when he said, I am your father, we actually already knew that, actually. And then dark, it's kind of like dark, and now he's kind of like dark.

It's like bad daddy. Bad dad 2. Oh, what if they were all just Bad Dad sequels? Oh, my God. That would be so good. Oh, so good. Okay, so this brings us to a little trivia about this movie. Oh, trivia.

So Felicity Jones is the first woman to have top billing in a Star Wars movie. Now, that's nuts, isn't it? That is nuts. Yeah. There's like 100 movies. Did this come before or after Force Awakens? Force Awakens was 2015. Oh, interesting.

Yeah, so it was the first one, then this. I think it might be Adam Driver before her, because, you know. That's crazy. Misogyny. I don't know. That is crazy. But also in Force Awakens,

she kind of comes into the picture. You know what I mean? She doesn't necessarily get. Yeah. She's not there the whole time. I don't know. All right. I get it.

She was stolen as a baby. We follow her life. So more trivia. Gareth Edwards and his creative team discovered some old film canisters while rummaging through the Lucasfilms warehouse when he asked what they were and the police said they were old Star Wars

A New Hope footage and then the discovery led to the inclusion so you were right Mano. Oh I was right Good. You weren't lying for once. Yeah for fucking once. Lauren I thought we said we'd fucking put this bullshit aside for one podcast. For one

This is the first live action Star Wars movie not to feature a score from John Williams and we know. Oh, that's why. We know. We miss John Williams. We missed him.

That's why it kind of sounded like if the Vanga Boys had to make a Star Trek. A Star Trek. Oh, boy. They're like, ooh, we're out of our depth. This is also the first live-action Star Wars film not to feature an opening crawl. Wow.

And then, Darth Vader's appearance in this film is meticulously patterned after his look in the original Star Wars. While Vader's chest plate is uncovered in later installments, his costume initially had his Sith robes draped over his shield,

as well as red lenses in the eye holes of the mask. Oh, i never noticed that considering this film takes place mere days before the original film the costume designers recreated vader's look down to the last detail that's cool i'll tell you something i appreciated it because honestly when darth vader's music started and i saw my friend head to toe in patent leather i truly was like yay yay! I got so excited. Yes. Well, and then when he came in

and he's just fucking like killing every dude in all these different ways, I was like, that was very cool. Fucking awesome. And that's why this is my favorite. I'm going to go on a crazy limb and say this is my favorite Star War because it's fresh,

but it also gives like the fan service that makes you go, oh, I remember that! Yeah, that's true. Like in the town, did you, I don't know if you guys clocked this, but there's like a wampa. Remember those little snow monsters from Empire Strikes Back? Yes! There's a wampa being like imprisoned

in the town scene. I didn't catch it. I think there's a picture of that in our character sheet here. I don't think I caught that. That's that snow monster kind of thing, right? Yeah, the snow monster thing. He's in the town where the tank rolls through and it's wild. I just love it.

I wanted more Wampa in general because when I was young, I was obsessed with that little monster. Yeah. Oh, this is kind of crazy. The next fact is principal photography on the film began at L Street Studios in Hertfordshire on August 8th 2015 much of the other photography was completed at or near Pinewood Studios at Buckhamshire United Kingdom where huge sets were built to compliment scenes filmed elsewhere in the world I shot a movie at Pinewood Studios in London

um it was Holmes and Watson and everyone hated it. But I remember them talking about Star Wars there. But she got paid. I did. But I remember being there and they were talking about Star Wars. A lot of the same crew worked on that I think. Because everyone's in England.

But I didn't care because I didn't know anything about Star Wars. But now I would care, which is kind of crazy. I missed out. Now you missed out. You did. But you have that nice memory. I do.

I want to ask you guys how you felt about all the mention of Kyber crystals. I thought they were, I thought that was a little over the top with how many times they said it. Yeah. And then I also was like,

why are they called Kyber? And then it made me think about cybering online on AOL like back in the day the day i agree at the time when you were like should we cyber or like when you were like oh my god um macy stratton is like a slay she like cybered with like reese miller i'll tell you something didn't clock at time. You asked me what I thought about these things, and I was like, I don't know what they are. I think it's just one of those things that fans are like, why are we explaining this so much?

Like with midichlorians, which you guys have talked about. Yeah. Which is that thing they say is in your blood, if you have the force. You're like, why are we talking about it so scientifically? Let's enjoy the vagueness right and i think because i had the subtitles on i saw kyber crystals written like a trillion times which is why i retained it nicole but i still don't know what they are yes the last fact here is alan tudyk

who played k2so ad-libbed most of his dialogue did you guys laugh at his one-liners or did you did you think they were not good i laughed when one one of the other ones that wasn't him got shot he was like did you honestly know that wasn't me that made me laugh very hard that's good i don't think i laughed at all but um i don't know if that's his fault or my fault or you know maybe somewhere in the middle but just stay true whatever you do stay true to yourself yeah yeah yeah i have a random hypothetical question for you guys too okay yeah that moment where he's like i i um i use the force and the forces with me i use the force and the forces with me what what real life situation would you like use that on well i actually was thinking

about that during this because i was like i wonder i said to mike i wonder if there's anyone who like is a star wars nerd when like they're on the when like they're on a plane and they feel like nervous and they're like i'm one with the force and the forces with me i'm one with the force the forces with me yeah and he was like yeah for sure and then i also liked i like those moments with the force because i've started to feel like i really i mean from the beginning I feel like I've really liked that idea. It feels very calming and like powerful and like positive. I think if I were going to say that it would be like if someone was like going to attack me.

Yeah. That's a good time. Yeah. What about you Nicole. Let's see. Yeah. What about you, Nicole? Let's see.

I guess like an audition to be like the force is with me. I'll get this job. Yeah. I don't know. I love that. I think that might be. Actually, you know what? I do it a little bit when I'm pole dancing. I'm like, you can do this.

The world wants you to do this. Yes. That's great. Yes. I'll start trying to use the force when I'm pole dancing. I love that. Nicole, if you like put on a Star Wars themed like stripper outfit kind of thing and did that on the pole, I bet you people would be all over that.

You could have like an OnlyFans account where like shit's going down. No, you could make so much money if you did this already. That's what I'm saying. You'd be like make so much money if you did this already. That's what I'm saying. You'd be like making so much money. Do you think I should do an OnlyFans and then be like, whatever you want me to dance in, I will? Yes. I think that's a good idea because it's not like any... It doesn't...

I don't know. It's like, I mean, anyone can do whatever they want with their body and everything. But I'm saying if you weren't someone who wanted to do sexual things on video, you could still dance and do all that stuff, which you would do anyway, and you think is really fun. And it's not like giving away anything. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And you might want to consider Patreon because you could do adult content on there. And I just hear their infrastructure is better. Mmm. Yeah. We're going to read reviews. Perfect. Okay.

This movie received positive reviews from critics with praise for its story visuals and tone but criticism for its underdeveloped characters and digital recreation recreation of actors from the original trilogy so roger ebert.com said this film about a band of misfits stealing the plans to the first death star is that kind of work it culminates in a thunderous final act that weaves together the most impressive space battle in the series with a prolonged ground assault on an imperial fortress in which casualties have both physical and emotional weight,

which is something Star Wars was never big on. But it also bridges the fairytale despair of the prequels to the rah-rah idealism of the original trilogy, speckling decades-old logic holes as it goes along. Rogue One is a letdown in other areas and there are creative decisions. So ill conceived. They take you out of the story, but somehow these aren't enough to sink the movie,

which manages to succeed as both super nerdy fan service and the first entry since the 1977 original that will satisfy people who've never seen a star Wars film 3.5 out of four stars. He was talking about us. Yeah, I agree. If I saw the movie without seeing any other star wars movie i'd be like that was a pretty good movie i agree i agree i liked it a lot is this

your favorite star wars movie mana yes it is there's like a couple holes but like like i like i like the way it connects the movies i love the i love that the cast is like almost all people of color and they're amazing actors and they don't make a big deal of that. They just like deliver on this impressive cast. That's true. I love that. And I mean, it's almost more, it's better that we don't get to see too much of them because like in the other movies, it's like seeing too much of them makes the characters weaker. other movies it's like seeing too much of them makes the characters weaker like like like in the first prequels when you have to see how and you guys have maybe talked about this but like the the loops basically how stupid they make natalie portman's character um is painful because

they make her be like i'll marry you even though you you're fucking crazy. It doesn't make sense. Whereas these characters have a singular focus. They die for what they believe in. And that's it. You're like, bye. But it's kind of awesome that way, because that's what we asked for. Yeah. I agree.

The only thing that doesn't totally make sense is the way the planets blow up is different. Because in the early movies, when the planets blow up, they fucking go. Right? And in this one they kind of blow up a little more slow style. I think. Or maybe that's just how space and time works. But I guess that's the only hole I can poke in it. And then the weird digital faces of people.

But I really like it. I think it's my favorite. You made me appreciate it more, I'll say that. Okay, fair. Yes, talking to you also made me appreciate it more. And Variety said, not only does Rogue One overlap ever so slightly with A New Hope, but it takes that

blockbuster's biggest weakness, that a small one-man fighter can blow up a battle station the size of a class four moon and actually turns this egregious design flaw into an asset. Now we know why the Death Star has an Achilles heel

and how that information fell into Princess Leia's hands. Director Gareth Edwards has finally made the first Star Wars movie for grown-ups. Yeah. Yeah?

I love that about it. It's honestly like, it's in terms of generosity, could you think of anything nicer than someone creating a multi-million dollar movie that makes another your other movie look better that is very generous and that's what disney's all about generosity but i totally get that it's like it can be a bit disorienting uh if you're not like excited to see the connecting dots right yeah i i i guess i think maybe life would be so much easier if these movies were just made in sequential order yes like if i could just if we if it just came out

like a normal fucking movie franchise or if they they said like, hey, at the beginning, this one goes between these two. Yeah. Like just so I could have, because I don't want to Google it because I'm going into it blind. I like that. Right.

But like they don't help me at all. It's a scam. It's like Dianetics. It's like as soon as you buy the first book, there's more. It's a scam. It's a good scam, but yeah. But they could just, since they're called episodes, they could do a recap.

That's what most television episodes give you. Right. Oh, my God. To be like, and we're back. Oh, my God. I would love that. Last week on Star War. That would be amazing.

20 years ago on Star Wars movie. The last time you saw these characters. Mano, I feel like you really like shed some positive light on this film and made us like it more, appreciate it more. And that's very cool. Totally. Do you have anything you want to plug while you're here? Yes. I want to plug the drag podcast

I do with Nicole called Drag Her. Very fun. Very queer. A good old time. Listen to my other podcast with Betsy Sedaro on Patreon

called We Love Trash. So fun and dumb. We talk about all stupid stuff like bad dating shows and stupid movies and horror and we just improvise the stupidest things.

And follow me anywhere online at my name, Mono Agapian. Great. Nicole? Well, I've got a book coming out June 2nd. It's called Hashtag Very Fat, Hashtag Very Brave. The Fat Girl's Guide to Being Brave and Not a Melancholy Down the Dump Weeping Fat Girl

in a Bikini. You can preorder that with any link in my bio. I'm Nicole Byer on social media. Also, Nailed It is new. That is out on Netflix. My other podcast, Why Won't You Date Me? Drag Her. Best Friends.

And on Patreon, 90 Day Bae, where me and Marcy Giroux talk about 90 Day Fiance and this last episode was wild. Oh my God. It was so good. The season is amazing. Oh my God. Everyone's a lunatic.

The guy going to Russia I think or Poland or where is he? The one guy who's like his girl isn't showing up at the train station. Oh my God. What's his name?

Richard. He's truly incredible. He rides a unicycle. Everyone's a lunatic on this show. Oh my God. Okay. My plugs for today are my Patreon, patreon.com slash Lauren Lapkus.

You can come see I'm doing improv. I'm doing watch alongs to Star Wars films. I'm stuck at home. I'm doing watch alongs to Hook, Roger Rabbit. I'm stuck at home. I'm doing watch-alongs to Hook, Roger Rabbit. I'm going down all these nostalgic pathways and it's very fun. Also improv episodes and my short film is up there, which is fun and lots of different stuff every week. And I don't even go on a schedule. I just put stuff up all the time. So come follow me there. And I have my podcast, Threedom, with special guest Lauren Lapkus, Raised by TV. All of those seasons are over,

but you can catch the old episodes online and catch up. And what else? I mean, I'm on Good Girls, recurring, starting last Sunday. So this week,

there was another episode. You can catch those on Hulu if you didn't see them on NBC. And I have a fun little arc this season. So check it out. And that's all I want to say. That's amazing. Before we go, we should read some five star reviews and if you would like to leave us a review please do that um also if you

like something specific about the podcast you can let us know because we can only read positive praise that are general for so long. So this says, I shouldn't have listened to this at work. I'm a lifelong Star Wars fan, a huge Nicole fan, and becoming a huge fan of Lauren. I've been approached by my co-workers several times because I sounded like I was choking trying to swallow my laughter. The fanfic episode

really ruined my reputation as a stuffy accountant. You guys are the best. Oh, very specific. That's very nice. We our yeah we also have a new title for this segment called the five star wars segment so it's anything with five stars i was thinking if you want to make your review um a little bit of fan fiction for us to read that would be amazing it doesn't have to be sexual we don't mind if it is but it can be but can be i mean we're not going to fight you on that. This one comes from LilRoses93.

I never thought I would consume this much Star Wars content. This podcast could not have come at a better time. I've been avoiding Star Wars my whole life, and eventually, after getting shamed at a party and entering a new relationship, I gave in. I started watching these to appease my boyfriend, and this podcast is such a joy to accompany my utter bafflement that Star Wars is even a thing.

I mean, I get it now, I guess, but after A New Hope, I was not convinced. Thank you for the laughs and giving voice to my thoughts. This was the perfect companion to the Star Wars phase of my life. So that is, that's our exact audience. Someone who doesn't want to watch this and they have to. That's pretty great. That's a huge, that's a huge get. Yeah. Well, this was so fun. Thanks, Mano. That was great. Thank you, Mano. Oh my god, thank you so much. I really love this. I love the fan fiction. I think

that is a great area. Thanks for having me. I'm a big fan. I hope you continue to watch weirder and weirder offshoots of legend and canon from this never-ending scam that is Star Wars. We have plenty ahead of us, So I'm excited.

Awesome. Love it. Bye y'all. Bye guys. Bye bye. That was a HeadGum Podcast.