Newcomers: Sports, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Solo: A Star Wars Story (w/ Shaun Diston)

Episode Date: April 7, 2020

Is this the Star Wars love story we've been waiting for? Did Lando fuck his droid? What the heck is a parsec? Today, self-proclaimed "Human version of Jar Jar Binks" Shaun Diston (Wrecked, George Lucas Talk Show) joins us to break down the 2018 Han Solo spin-off film, Solo: A Star Wars Story. He explains what lead Disney to fire the 2 original directors months into filming, all the sneaky little details in the film, and the importance of "Who shot first?" for Star Wars fans.Stay inside, everybody!Like this show? Rate Newcomers 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast platform. Let us know what Star Wars media you'd like us to cover on a future episode.Sponsor:Manscape: Get 20% off and free shipping with the code NEWCOMERS at Manscaped.comSources for this episodeSolo Film SummarySolo IMDB TriviaSolo Movie MistakesThe Guardian ReviewCNET ReviewSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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and I'm a flyer I waited a long time for a shot like this. What do you think? Well, what do you know? You got a line on a ship? Yeah, I know a guy. He's the best smuggler around. I heard a story about you. I was wondering if it's true. Everything you've heard about me is true.

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And you will never be disappointed. I got a really good feeling about this. When do you know how to fly? 190 years old? You look great. Push it! When do you know how to fly? 190 years old? I got babies. You look great! Push it! So glad we took this job!

Do it! It's Julie! Wow! Welcome to another episode of Newcomers! I'm Nicole Byer. And I'm Lauren Lapkus. And today we watched Solo, a Star Wars story. And we're joined by comedian Sean Diston. Hello, guys. You've seen him on Wrecked. Oh you don't want credits? No no no credits. We're already talking over each other. This is going to be fantastic.

Well I'm going to give you credits because I love you and I adore you. Please. So you've been on Wrecked Mr. Student Body President and you play Jar Jar B, my favorite person of the franchise, on the George Lucas Talk Show. Yes, I am the human version of Jar Jar Binks, so I'm glad to be on the show. I've always said that about you. Everyone knows that I'm very clumsy. I did kind of think Jar Jar Binks was sort of like Jamaican a little bit. Like he sort of was like from the islands, you know? I think so. He had a little soul to him.

Yeah, yeah. How are you know? I think so. He had a little soul to him. Yeah, yeah. How are you guys? Hello. Hello, hello. We're both doing so great right now. Thriving right now. Yeah, we're thriving. I'm kind of doing really well.

I'm eating great. I've been exercising so much. Yes. It's great. I've learned the piano. I speak Russian now. I'm just really cool. I'm actually showering three times a day.

It's very cool. Oh, yeah. Same-sies. Three times a day. I walk at least 37 miles a day, which is more than a marathon. I'm doing really well. Sean, can I ask you a question? Please.

What is your relationship to Star Wars? Do you love it? Okay. I love this podcast because I feel like i had a similar journey to you guys in that really yeah it came to me star wars was a late find for me i didn't like grow up with star wars i wasn't like old enough to have seen the original ones in theaters and like i you know my parents are from jama. I sort of mentioned earlier, but like, because of that, like, I didn't like have the same touchstones that everyone did as a kid. Like I

learned most Beatles songs, like in middle school band. And I was like, Oh, this is a pretty cool song. And then I would hear the lyrics and I'd be like, okay, yeah, this is a song I should have known. You're like the guy from yesterday. Like, I just discovered this song. True. I'm like, check this out. No, but it's, so like I, you know. Wait, Sean, maybe that's a black people thing because Tina Turner did a lot of Beatles covers

and I thought they stole her songs. That's amazing. Listen to me. So you want to know an even crazier thing. So like my parents are from jamaica and like they have like music culture down there where they'll like just steal songs and make reggae versions of them and they were straight up songs that i thought were reggae songs until i heard the other version and one of those is the song like um the one where he's like i'm a i'm an alien i'm a legal alien i used to think

that was a reggae song and i thought it went like i'm a jamaican in new york but it's not man so like yeah like my i didn't like grow up with star wars so i honestly got into star wars because of the show you mentioned the george lucas talk show which you were a guest on i were you did you also do it lauren i was trying to remember that because i think that i did but i don't maybe in la yeah because i don't remember like what i mean obviously i have never known anything about star wars so i don't know what i would have been doing there so the the show is hosted by our friend connor ratliff in new york it's been running for god maybe seven years i know i think they're right now making a documentary about it because oh wow it's just one of those weird things that like connor does for 10 years and it becomes this like epic thing

but um so connor would play george lucas and host like this talk show and i was his sidekick jar jar binks and i didn't really do an impression of jar jar binks because i just didn't honestly when i started doing the show i didn't know that much about star wars so i was just like connor whatever i'll do the show with you and it's very funny i sent to your producer a clip of you nicole describing star wars having never heard of it, like not knowing anything about it. And it's very funny because you do know some very specific things. One thing you did know was Queen Amidala.

And the reason you knew it, the thing you said was like, it is, she's like, is that a black lady? And Connor's like, no. And he's like, what white lady, you know, named Queen Amidala? I stand by it. That's a black name. It's absolutely true. So many of these Star Wars are crazy.

These names are crazy. But yeah, like, so that was the show that like really piqued my interest with Star Wars and it had this weird fandom. And I like became really good friends with Connor and just like started watching I think I had seen the original Star Wars but didn't care that much um and then I re-watched them having a little bit deeper knowledge as being around Connor and yeah like I loved them and by the time Force Awakens came out I was like fully obsessed with it and like cried in theaters at all the scenes and loved it. I like love Star Wars now.

So I'm like a latecomer. So I do like very much so empathize with your guys' plight in that the original movies are kind of boring. Like, you know, episode four is boring. How do you feel about the fact that every movie takes place in real time and they're like 24 hours there's a so i have this thing where like with the new movies i know they're all like two and a half hours so like i'll just go see them twice in one weekend because i'm like i gotta walk out at some point and piss so like i gotta come back and see the scene later that's such commitment I will just like

walk out and pee and then just not know and then just be confused and that's at home when I could pause it yeah same today I was like oh I could pause this to pee but I was like but then that's prolonging the movie it makes it longer but also I was like I'm not gonna understand what's happening

more because I paused it I have to have subtitles on because I don't understand. Like, there's so many things happening. I want to explain. I want to explain so much to you guys. I don't know what your opinions on The Last Jedi are because you've already watched that one, right? Yes, we did watch that. Yes.

Well, I don't even want to know, but I am very fascinated to know what you thought. I mean, that one, well, we kind of liked that one. We kind of liked it. That is my favorite one. Yeah, I like that one. I think that's Paul Tompkins' favorite one, too. I think it's a lot of people's least favorite, but I think for fans who aren't as nostalgic for the like old shit, that is like clearly the best one. Well, and I had some feelings like that today with this movie.

Like, OK, so this one was released. This is Solo is released May 25th, 2018. So it's very recent. Directed by Ron Howard. Oh, I had some similar feelings where at first I was sort of into it because it felt like a current movie which is a dumb thing to say because it is but yeah it felt like oh this is like a marvel movie or something that I might be able to like watch and follow and like whatever and the acting was actually more amped up in a way that felt like almost like it felt like star wars like cosplay like it felt

like they were like excited to be in the star wars universe yeah but they were not meant to be there do you know what i mean well especially because you're playing younger versions of characters which they don't do a ton of in this world like they normally will recast someone but like you know to see donald glover as lando calrissian does feel like he's doing an impression of him a little bit which is really fun i feel like all of them had to be doing impressions because hans is such an iconic character and then to like walk into those shoes you kind of have to do what we already know because it's already been established plus it's like yeah it's like muppet babies like it's them younger so it's like well he's like han solo but he's like still fun and flirty because he hasn't

like you know aged up yet or whatever that is such such a good comparison, Muppet Babies. It truly is. Look, a lot of people hated the acting in this movie, which to me is kind of like, re-watching it this weekend, I'm like, the thing they're really hating is that it's not Harrison Ford. Yes. Right. And there was a lot of backlash with this guy,

you know, Alden, what is his name? What is his name? Alden Elrichrich alrich or something but elrich i think i i will say that look solo in my like list of star wars movies isn't like the top maybe it's somewhere in the middle but i really enjoyed this guy doing like a stupid harrison ford micro impression he was like he was fun one thing i thought micro impression. He was like, he was fun. One thing I thought was kind of fun was like right off the bat, they have like the romance,

like there's like kissing, like all the stuff we've kind of been waiting for, like the last 15 million movies. They're like, I was thinking about that. Yeah. I was thinking about that. And he's such a heartthrob,

right? Yeah, he is. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and one thing that's kind of weird about it almost was that i was like i think that i sort of cared less about their relationship because they were

already kissing and stuff where the last all the movies before have made me care about them getting to that point well so here's what's tricky about this movie is that it takes place in the past and we know that han solo falls in love with leia so they didn't quite want the movie to end on a kiss because that would feel so tragic you know yeah so I do think it was like strategic to start in a very romantic place and then see where that goes and how he becomes this sort of like solo cowboy-esque figure like I don't know I did not like how he got his name. That was corny as fuck. So it's so corny, I understand.

And I'll say this about the new movies. Couldn't believe it. What's your name? Hans. Hans what? Oh me? I don't have a last name. But like a bunch of people in this universe

do have last names, but not me. Well, I guess you're alone, Solo. You're Han Solo. Ugh. Do you wish his name was Hans, Nicole? Do you wish he was saying Hans? Instead, they're like, Han, what's your last name? Just put an S there so it can be Hans.

Then it would have been more, if his name was Hans, it would have been more interesting because then his last name would have been Olo, and I don't know how they would have come to that. It would have been just a really long scene of them sitting and yelling. Yeah, I'm Olo. You're Olo. You're Olo.

Olo. You're Olo. Should we call you Al? Drop the A, Al. Should we call you Al? Drop the A, Al. Look, okay. So that is definitely part of the thing that people didn't love about this movie is that a lot of the criticism is like, why did they make this?

What's the point of rehashing all this shit? And I don't know. A lot of diehard Star Wars fans hate stuff like that. And for me as a newer Star Wars fan, like you described it as cosplay. I'm like, yeah, that's just fun. I don't know. It's stupid. Yeah, I'm not really mad at it. It's like, it's cute.

But now that we've been watching all these movies, it does feel like it's adjacent. Like it doesn't feel like it's fully. So that's interesting. Do you feel like you're understanding, like you have an opinion on Star Wars stuff. Like you're saying that this doesn't feel full like Star Wars. Like Darth Maul came in. I was like, why is Darth Maul here? I'm like, why do I know who the fuck Darth Maul is?

I thought the same thing. I was like, there's my buddy Darth Maul. I was like, where's his scooter? And then Mike, Mike came in later and i was like you actually see how chewy like became his sidekick because and i was like telling him this whole thing i was like i hate myself see i love that so much like i when this podcast started i imagined in my head both of you at this point where you're like in the newer movies kind of caring a little bit because that's exactly like yeah how i fell into it yeah i will say i don't know if you guys sorry you go no i was gonna say

i i actually enjoyed the part where we meet chewy that was a fun part oh that part's great i don't know if you guys clocked it but during the like campfire scene or whatever where they're talking to chewy uh hans is for Chewie and he goes Chewie wants to see his family or his tribe and I was like I wonder if they said family or tribe as in like a nod to the Christmas special where he does have a family

believe what you want wait I think absolutely and in that scene where they're on Kessel in the like the mine where they rescue the other Wookiees, you know, there's that like one scene where he's like talking to the other Wookiee. And then he like touches his head on her on like,

I think her head. I'm like, yo, is that his wife? Like, who is that person? I know. Who was that?

Okay. I thought you would know. So the way Star Wars works is like, you'll look it up and they'll for sure be a name for it for that person but i don't know if it was like his wife or something but it's it's definitely a nod at like seeing other wookies anytime is a nod at the christmas special i i thought you would like that part because of that i did i liked it a whole bunch also did lando karizian did he fuck his robot okay so let's talk about this they say that seemed really romantic didn't they do you know who the robot is no that's phoebe waller

bridge oh she's the voice of the robot wow so they definitely familiar so but i think the the writers confirmed that lando was pansexual and that he does hook up with the robot? Like, you can look that up. That is, like, confirmed by the writers. Well, honestly, I didn't need it confirmed because... They basically say it. Well, Kira was like, how does that work? And she was like,

oh, it works. And then when he, like, runs to save this, like, dismembered robot, I was like, yeah, you're saving this robot because you want to fuck it later so that that to me was a really interesting choice i love the way donald glover played that it did feel tragic when she got shot you know yeah wait did you guys do you guys know the story of the directors of this movie ron howard so ron howard ended up taking over but originally oh it was lord and miller who did uh 21 jump street yeah and 21

jump street what happened do you know those guys lauren no they so what happened was they started making the movie and i think the rumors were the movie was going to be very funny like a lord and miller movie like a straight up comedy and the person who's like in charge of star wars ip kathleen kennedy i don't know if you've heard her name i feel like we've seen that she basically she's like sort of the mastermind of all of star wars disney and all of star wars like she's been around for a long time but she basically i think they just didn't like the dailies that were coming out and we're thinking that it was like too goofy and not Star Wars-y enough. So they fired them and then brought in Ron Howard.

But that's what we would have wanted. Yes. I know. It would have been so much fun. I wanted to be silly. Could you imagine a full on comedy? So that's why like Donald Glover's in it. Like he's he could have been like scenes where he's like on the ship doing his like captain's log thing.

Like there's little remnants of the comedy yeah in in it and it could have been so much funnier and i think like woody harrelson and stuff like there's a lot of people who do yeah i think that that it would have been a totally different movie i still think it's decent like ron howard does a very ron howard esque thing like you know like the opening scene of the movie is that like car chase and it's very like reminiscent of like old Ron Howard movies. I think like American graffiti, which is,

uh, um, which is, uh, a George Lucas movie is about like driving around and it's truly like inspired by Ron Howard's like old school feel, which I don't, I don't hate it,

but it could have been like a straight hard comedy, which would have been so fun. Yeah, that would have been, I think that would have been the choice. Like that would have been a nice, since it's not part of the, the saga,

Skywalker saga. It's a Star Wars story. Like you could do something different with it. I think it should have been a comedy. That would have been fun. So like the Mandalorian, you guys know the Mandalorian, the new show.

Oh, we know baby Yoda. Baby Yoda show. They have a ton of comedians on that show and they do a ton of hard comedy on that show. And like, I don't know. I think a whole movie of it would be really fun.

Well, I agree. I want that personally. And that's the one that we should be cast in. Yes. A hundred percent. I want to play Lando Calrissian's very sassy sister. I want to play Chewie's ex-girlfriend.

Ha! Oh, also the man who plays Chewie, I cannot remember his name, but he is a daddy. He's hot. I need to see. He's like a really tall, attractive dude. Yeah. Yeah, he's so hot. And he's been playing really tall attractive dude yeah yeah he's so hot and he's been playing chewy for so long it's a crime it's a crime that he is so hot and he's covered in hair

i think that like the fact that there are characters like chewbacca that can live in all these different movies and you're so excited to see them every time like that shit is tight i don't think you can hate on that what i don't know if we're talking about the same person wait i think there's two people i think i think there's two people lauren i think there's an original guy really old man who is like yeah there's a there's a newer person i think this one his name is junice sumato okay yeah i'm looking at peter something something okay no no junus okay oh yeah he's hot you should google the other guy what's the other guy's name just google chewy actor which is what

i googled you will find yeah this guy's like seven feet tall. Okay, here's the plot. Let's get into this a little bit. So, on the planet Corellia, orphaned children are made to steal to survive. Young adults Han and Kira make an escape from a local gang. They bribe an Imperial officer with stolen coaxium, a powerful hyperspace fuel, for passage on an outgoing transport. But Kira is apprehended before she can board. Han vows to return for her and joins the Imperial Navy as a flight cadet. When the recruiting officer asks for his surname,

Han explains that he is alone with no family, so the recruiter gives him the last name Solo. So dumb. Okay, so it is dumb, but I will say this. Okay, so you know how you meet Rey in The Force Awakens? Mm-hmm. She doesn't have a last name either, right? Oh, yeah.

And it's because she's an orphan. So in a weird way, it's tying Han Solo to Rey. So that when you watch this movie and then you rewatch Force Awakens. It explains why Rey likes Han so much. There are little things throughout the movie that will give you like the connection that Ray has between Han and Leia and Luke. And this is one of those things that connects Han to Ray is that she's an orphan and he's an orphan. Both didn't have last names. So it's stupid.

But the nerdiest part of me wants to be like, OK, but hold on. Actually, the thing is this. Yeah. I mean, I think it's like cute. Like one thing I like is when we, when we're, since the movies come out of order in the storyline, we end up getting like the information about stuff we've already seen,

like how it came to be. And those are always the parts that I like the most. So even though the solo part like is kind of corny, I'm also like, Oh, it's kind of cute to like, see how he got his name or whatever like i like i like the backstory yeah there's a ton of that in this movie did you guys

i'm wondering how much of like the little things you guys recognized like did you recognize when when like han says i have a really good feeling about this no no but i read that somewhere so there's a joke in star wars that they i guess they call a joke where in almost all the movies somebody says i have a really bad feeling about this in every one of the movies so in this movie they sort of invert it because han hasn't like become han solo yet so he's thinking he has a really good so like there's a thousand things in like like that in this movie that seems so fucking random and stupid if you have no idea what is happening yeah but then for the like nerdiest of nerds like myself it's like oh fuck okay yeah whatever yeah I love it yeah I mean it starts to I mean it kind of is

like an improv nerd thing of like weaving all the information you get from the opening into the show. And then it's like really satisfying. Thank you for something I understand. Yes, yes. But I will say this. It does like weave it, but it's as if you weaved. Your opening is second beats. And then you have to go back to the first beats.

And then you go to go back to the first beats and then you go to third beats and then you go and do like tangents of all these. This is like a Star Wars form. It's almost like a deconstruction. Like we should start Star Wars form and we do a scene that makes no sense and then we make sense of it and then we unfurl that

and then we just talk about other shit. Well, you should do three scenes and then wait like eight weeks and then do three more about other shit well you got you should do three scenes and then wait like eight weeks and then do three more scenes that take place before wait so let me ask you this about the beginning of the movie did you think that Han Solo and Kira Game of Thrones Daenerys yeah who I didn't realize that's who that was she's the dragon queen from Game of Thrones but she looks so different she does look a lot I have no idea's the dragon queen from Game of Thrones. But she looks so different. She does look a lot different.

I have no idea who the dragon queen is. She's the one with the really long blonde hair. Yes. I've never really seen it. And she had dragons. But yeah. It's not a huge deal. But how did you guys think they had like chemistry? Was that like horny for you guys?

Like what was like, I loved them a little bit like i kind of thought their relationship was really sweet yeah i think the initial like kissing and stuff i believed it i was like oh they're really passionate like it felt real and i liked that yeah i was into it yeah there's this scene at the end where they're talking at the like final like sand planet or whatever and they're having a talk and he's like well i'm a bad guy i'm like you know i'm a i'm the outlaw or something and she's like you're not the out like there's this really cute scene i don't know i think they really nailed that moment like there isn't a ton of chemistry in that way in these movies and i don't know i just thought no i agree

yes i agree i think they had so much more chemistry than uh anakin and pat oh my god that was my thing god yeah any oil and vinegar has more chemistry together than fucking hayden christiansen and natalie portman how do you feel about ray and kylo ren's chemistry that i like so hot we wanted them to so hot yeah like we truly wanted them to fuck the last jedi that scene where they like cut to him and his shirt is off is like so wide funny wide is the word like it's just like that's what you guys took from it just wideness yeah he's wide he's so wide and hot i mean yeah i wanted him to send his dick through the forest. You know what I'm saying? Kylo Ren is why. Yeah, I do think that that's something that I like about the new movies,

is that chemistry holds them together so hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Continuing the plot. So three years later, Hans is expelled from the Imperial Flight Academy for insubordination and is serving as an infamy man on the Mimban. He encounters a group of criminals posing as Imperial soldiers led by Tobias Beckett. He attempts to blackmail them into taking him with them, but then Beckett gets him arrested for desertion and throws him into a pit fed to be fed to a Wookiee named Chewbacca. Able to understand Chewbacca's language,

he pursues him to cooperate to escape. Beckett is aware of the usefulness of Wookiee's strength, rescues and enlists them in the gang to steal a shipment of coaxum on Vandor negative one. The plan goes awry when the Cloud Riders, a group of so-called terrorists led by the

Infim Nest arrive, resulting in the deaths of two crew members, including Beckett's wife and the destruction of the Cooksome. Okay, so the part where he gets thrown into the thing with Chewie and then Chewie is like this muddy, chained up beast and then they fight each other and then they run off together and then they shower together. And then they shower together. Yes, I loved the

shower together. Me too. You like that energy? When those big Chewie feet stomped in, I was like, oh, what's going to go down in here? Uh-huh. But you know what I actually really loved about it yeah that hans wasn't turned like he wasn't like oh get out of here no homo dude he was just like we could have done this separately but you're in here he's like i guess i'll scrub your ass i want to hear your

guys fan fiction about what that shower was like when the cameras turned off. We should write that. Oh, 100% sure Hans turned around and Chewie gave it to him. Oh, yeah, baby. You think Chewie's the top? Chewie's definitely the top. I think Chewie is definitely the top. I don't know. Maybe he's a power bottom. If Chewie's the power bottom, he's the size of a king-size bed.

And it makes me wonder how big his hole is. Did you like when... Lauren! Lauren, that's crazy. I wonder how big his hole is. Honestly, great question. Is Chewie blown out? Yeah, she should make a shirt that says,

how big is Chewie's hole? I just want to know. He's eight feet tall. Did you like when Han Solo talked to him in Chewie language? Like they never really do that in the other movies. And like they always just like understand him. But then he like does it. Can you guys do like a Chewie voice?

That's not bad. Would you guys both play? Wait, would you guys get cast as like chewy's family and wear those big suits i would totally do that yes gladly absolutely i want to be in the new holiday special oh my god let me be in that holiday special i want to be someone's fever dream in the holiday special yes oh they actually did that okay so in this movie they had one of those holographic like games that we that they have in the holiday special i think we're paying a lot of homages to the holiday special or like nodding to it those

games i think are also in the movie like the little chess thing they're in something else too yeah the ship they're in they're in star they're they're in the original and they're in force awakens and like there's the well there's this dumb detail where like they turn the game off in the old star wars and when they turn it back on in force awakens it is right where they left off in the game oh my god what a fucking detail how did you clock that okay so i want to give a shout out to some people right now is that okay yeah i know a lot about Star Wars and Game of Thrones and all this shit because of these YouTube dudes that make breakdowns of all these movies, like Game of Thrones and Star Wars. So I'll go watch a Star Wars movie and then come home and watch a breakdown of it. And they're called New Rockstars.

They're actually improvisers in la that do it but it is an incredible like they do a tedious job breaking stuff down on this website so like you can watch a 30 minute video on solo oh and it'll just give you all these tiny i'll tell you something i would never i would never uh i could be quarantined until 2030 and i would never I could be quarantined until 2030 and I would never I think I have to agree with you I want you to watch one I know you like that and I really love that about you

it's not that I like it it's not that I like it it just it like gives me a deeper understanding of what the fuck is going on with the movies and truly they talk about it like directors do so it like helps me as a writer think about like how people will pick my writing apart you know i think it's that's interesting i mean i think the thing is like i am enjoying when we learn more about it because i i do like to make

more sense of it however i find it interesting that even the fans feel confused people who've like yeah like i have to watch a 30-minute breakdown to understand what happened. It is funny, because my favorite movie is Ghost. I watched Ghost one time and knew everything that fucking happened. You can recite it word for word. Yeah, I know exactly. Like, Sister Act,

you know what happens. These movies, you're like, wait, what the fuck? If they were given a time limit of 90 minutes, I think they would make it make more sense. But they just like take these. Yes. Yeah. I think most Star Wars movies,

probably in the third act, they could cut a huge like 30 minutes out of it and you'd have a really good movie. Yes, they're two and a half hours. They don't need to be two and a half hours. This could have ended after they like escaped that black hole and then that could have been the end of the movie. Instead, there's like another 40 minutes.

I know. And you think there's like another 40 minutes. I know. And you think it's over so many times. Did you guys get sad when Tandy Newton died in the movie? I did. I did. That was a crazy part. I loved her little throw. I thought she was like cool.

It was very crazy. It's like you don't expect like a hard death like that in a Star Wars movie. And that one was like, oh, shit. Wait, Sean, you don't expect deaths in Star Wars? They kill off every single person you've ever loved. They do, but well, I guess at this point they do, but I wasn't expecting them to kill off this like

At this point, they killed Darth Vader in the third fucking movie. They did. But he's the bad guy. To me, it's like a PG-13 movie where people die and it's like there's no blood or anything but to like blow up committing suicide like that is like kind of shocking i guess it's different than like a lightsaber it was a crazy one yes it was okay i'm gonna keep reading here a little bit oh yeah keep going becky reveals that he was ordered to

steal the shipment for dryden voss a high-ranking crime boss in the Crimson Dawn syndicate. Han and Chewbacca volunteer to help him steal another shipment to repay the debt. They travel to Voss' yacht where Han finds Kira who has joined Crimson Dawn and is Voss' top lieutenant. Han suggests a risky plan to steal unrefined coaxium from the mines

on Kassel. Voss approves but insists Kira accompany the team. She leads them to Lando Calrissian, an accomplished smuggler and a pilot who she hopes will lend them his ship,

a freighter called the Millennium Falcon. Han challenges Lando to a game of sabacc with the wager being Lando's ship. Lando cheats to win but agrees to join the mission

in exchange for a share of the profits. Okay, so yeah, we got Donald Glover. He's great. He's great. He's great. I thought he was very charismatic.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I really liked the card scene. That was fun to watch. Yeah, I thought that was cute. I also thought it was funny because it's like a fake game. And I just like the idea that you could literally say anything. And as the viewer, we're like, he beat him. I don't know.

I know. I've watched it so many times and i'm kind of just like you're just saying words that make no sense i was thinking there's probably someone out there who's like actually i figured out the game and i can play it right now okay i do honestly there is someone out there who can play this game 100 i think they sell this game as Oh, okay. Well, they must. So do you guys recognize this as something from the original movies? Like when he meets Lando Calrissian originally? Well, we remember meeting them, meeting Lando. So Lando, they talk about how it used to be Lando's ship and how he lost it in a card game. Right. Oh, so we're seeing that.

You're seeing that. So it's one of those things that the fans were kind of like, why are we seeing this? I'm like, I don't know. It's an interesting card game. I like that. I like that. It was cute.

But it was a real fake out. It is because you think he's going to win. Yeah, you think he wins the ship and then he doesn't. And I was like, oh, fuck. But then he lets them like borrow the ship anyway. And I was like, oh, so we didn't them like borrow the ship anyway and i was like oh so we didn't really fucking need the card yeah that is kind of dumb it was a bit of a misdirect sure okay more about this plot yes okay so after reaching kessel the falcon falcon is infiltrating

the mine lando's droid co-pilot l337 could have been an easier name, instigates a slave revolt. In the confusion, they steal the coaxum, but L-3 is fatally damaged and Lando is wounded during the escape. Meanwhile, Chewbacca comes across a group of other Wookiees that have been enslaved after the Empire had conquered their original homeworld. But then the others decide to take another ship to escape. Chewbacca chooses to stay with Hans. With the help of L3's navigational computer hot-wired into the ship's system, Hans pilots the ship through dangerous

and uncharted Kessel Run, approximately 12 parcels to elude an imperial blockade. The Falcon, badly damaged, lands on the planet Savanrin to process the Kulxum. I mean, yes. I want you to make a pronunciation guide for all of this. You should. That would be really funny.

Someone has made a list of everything I've mispronounced. I like that list. And I spent a solid five minutes saying three CPOs is correct. No, three CPOs wrong. five minutes saying three three cpo is correct no three cpo is wrong yeah and i said it i kept saying it out loud and john was like what are you saying and i was like the gold man's name and he was like say it again i said it again he's like nicole it's c3po the gold man oh fuck they should just call him the gold man it'd be easier to remember it would be so the gay little gold man i like i like the idea of you sitting around in your house going three sepia three and then he's like what's wrong with you and then you're like the gold man's name

these movies and the quarantine have made me fucking nuts you texted me today you're like this movie's two and a half hours long. And I was like, I know. But they know we're inside. They know. Because I was like, don't they know I have a fucking life? I don't have time to watch two and a half hour movies every time. But apparently I do have the time. So much. You're getting close to the end. I don't think there are that many

more super long movies to watch. We are fairly close. I don't know. Anyways. Okay, I'll keep reading. Well, we gotta find out who the rogue one is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, we do. That's one of my faves as well, but continue.

Okay, during a confrontation with Enfys, who tracked the team from Vandor, Lando leaves in the Falcon, deserting everyone else. Enfys explains to Han that she and her crew are not pirates, but rebels made up of victims from the tyrannical state of the galaxy trying to

strike back at the syndicates and the empire. Han becomes sympathetic to their cause and tries to trick Vos, but the crime lord reveals Beckett has already alerted him to the double cross. Vos sends his guards to kill Enfys, but the cloud riders overpower them instead, leaving Vos defenseless. Having anticipated Vos's strategy, Han tries to take the coaxium, only for Beckett to betray Vos, escaping with it and taking Chewbacca hostage. Kira kills Vos and sends Han after Beckett. She contacts Vos' superior, the former Sith Lord Maul, to inform him of the mission's failure and claim Vos' position. She blames the failure on Beckett, never mentioning Han.

Maul orders Kira to meet with him on Dathomir. on Beckett, never mentioning Han. Maul orders Kira to meet with him on Dathomir. Gotta say, this is a lot of shit to happen in the last 45 minutes of this movie. There's like a triple cross. There's like a triple cross there that they probably could have gotten

some headway on earlier. It's definitely super long. I think that just has something to do with there being two sets of directors like they made basically, they reshot it almost completely so they like put two movies together almost oh they had already shot with the other guys they shot a bunch with lord and miller months right and then they they shut it down and then reshot like i think like 75 of the movie with that's a mess that's why isn't it crazy okay wait can i ask a question yes go ahead when Homegirl takes off her mask and she is a beautiful, light-skinned, luscious woman,

is that Tandy Newton's daughter? That's what I thought. So I think that may have been some sort of deleted, like, storyline. Because she did sort of look like she could have been Tandy Newton and what's-his-name's daughter. But you didn't seem to know who she was. I mean, maybe it was a secret. Who knows?

But there was something there. But then I don't think that made any sense of it. But see, this is what drives me so crazy because I was watching and then I go, oh, is that her daughter? And then I was like, I think I missed something. And then you're telling me you've seen it a hundred times and you don't know so I know it's not but here's what happened they were gonna make three of these movies

they were gonna make a series of movies based on this like a franchise of this so like when she goes off and is talking to Darth Maul they were gonna follow some whole thing with that so I think that might have been something they would have maybe paid off in another movie okay i don't know oh but wait i want to go back oh okay okay

okay did you wait did you guys remember the kessel run did you guys know what that was the kessel run what is that no what's the kessel run so in the first movie when they talk about the millennium falcon yeah he goes yeah it's the fastest ship in the galaxy it did the kessel run in 12 parsecs they say that in the first movie yes so that we see so that is what you're seeing here and like parsecs is a unit of like length or something so it's not time it's confusing i love that when they're like he did it in 12 parsecs then we're like wow like it's like it's just like wow par 12 it means not 13 it truly means nothing but then you see this like 25 minute sequence where they've like set up this whole thing to tell that story it is kind of like okay i guess i get that it's so wild the other thing do you

guys know about the han shooting first thing no okay so george lucas recut the movies right he did like a special edition and in the original movie han solo kills this bounty hunter in in tatooine and he shoots him first like han solo just pulls the gun and kills him first but in the recut he like george lucas makes it so the other guy tries to shoot him. So like all the fans were mad because they were like, Han shot first. Why are you trying to make him not like a scoundrel or something? So the whole movie with him and Woody Harrelson, the

whole thing is setting up that one moment at the end where Han Solo just shoots Woody Harrelson. So it's like this very fucking long convoluted thing to set up this one stupid part in the first movie. And that is where I think everyone hates it. It is almost as if these movies were made to like appease fans.

Totally. They're like, we're going to do this. Han shot first. All right. So we're gonna make a whole ass movie. Exactly. That Han's shot first. That makes.

And then all the fans hated it. It's kind of wild okay before we go into the last little chunk can I just so Kira is now like talking to Darth Maul and they're like best fucking buddies but then we never wait does Darth wait when does this fucking movie happen

this movie is after Revenge of theith and that's the second before that no revenge of the sith is the third of the prequels that's the one where you see hayden christiansen become darth maul so this to become darth vader sorry this happens before the third movie before after the third movie before after the third movie, before A New Hope. After the third movie, before A New Hope. Yeah. Oh, so, but then Darth Maul dies in the third one. So, there's a bunch of cartoons that are online.

I don't know if you're going to watch those. I mean, they're on Disney+. So, there's cartoons in between the fucking movies? No, no, no, no, no. There's two cartoon series. There's one called Attack of the Clones, a cartoon series, and then one called Rebels. My God. I'm busy.

And you find out that Darth Maul, I know, you find out that Darth Maul's alive, basically. So Darth Maul's alive. Yes. Before the, does he die before the fourth movie? It's so complicated. Wait, no, doesn't Darth Maul die in the? In the first one. He dies in the first one.

And then because of some force thing he like finds himself in a trash planet and he comes back to life it's crazy okay well people hated that that scene was even shot i think because they shot that scene separate because i didn't even think they were going to use darth maul i think they just threw it in last minute because they're like people will like darth maul well it was very confusing to see darth maul because i was like i think darth maul is fucking dead but i agree i was confused i was so confused yeah again i think they were going to do like three movies and try to explain what happened but they never did and then when he was like we're gonna be working close i was like it truly seems like kira be fucking around i think she'd be fucking darth maul she'd be fucking Darth Maul I thought that too I was like she's having a thing yeah I was like

I think she's fucking all these people but like in no shade like slotted up around the galaxy like I'm happy for her but like because she kisses what's his name like in the middle of the movie but it was so unclear like she had that it seemed like there was something happening with the bad guy and then yeah I don't know did you like did you guys like

Paul Bettany the bad guy with the marks on his face I thought he was fine i thought he could have been um more evil well i was like i think i was like i think he's bad and then like it was like yep he's bad like i don't know like i just didn't really have yeah i wanted him to be more evil okay so then hans catches up to beckett and confronts him wait did we did we do that no you can read that part yeah no okay uh and confronts him shooting beckett before he could return fire with his dying words beckett tells hans that he made a smart choice because he would have shot him kira leaves in vasa's yacht which is not a yacht it's like a floating brick then hans and chewbacca turn the coaxum over to

the ifis who offer hans a chance to join the rebellion against the empire then he like declines and then she gives him a vow of the coaxum enough to purchase a ship of his own hans and chewbacca locate lando and challenge him to a rematch in sabacc once again wagering the falcon hans wins having stolen the card lando was keeping up his sleeve in order to cheat he and chewbacca leave for tatooie, where Hans heard from Beckett earlier that a crime lord is putting together a profitable job, and the film ends with a falcon jumping into

hyperspace, baby. Do you guys know who that crime lord is? Who? Ooh, ooh, I know, I know, I know. Don't say it. It's Jabba the Hutt. Yes, Nicole, yes. She's a Star Wars fan. Nicole.

I knew you would know that. You know stuff. Thank you. So basically that is setting up the whole thing in A New Hope where Han Solo's like indebted to this guy. Okay, that's cute. That's the story. That's kind of cute, I guess.

I'm going to hop into this little trivia section For a second here When Han and Chewbacca are introducing themselves to one another Han says Chewbacca for the first and only Time in the franchise He never refers to him by that name again In any of the other Star Wars movies So even in New Hope he doesn't call him Chewbacca ever? No he calls him Chewie

And the line is he's like Chewbacca I'm going to have to figure out a nickname for you Which is kind of like a cute okay it's cute but also xenophobic say his name that is his name say his full name look in a way

you have a hard name you gotta let people know that that is your name right in a way the those Wookiees are kind of like a black analog there's like a whole planet that gets enslaved and then like I get it like a black analog. There's like a whole planet that gets enslaved and then like, I get it. Like that shit is true. Say his fucking name.

It's not that hard anyway. Let's take a break and we'll be right back with some more solo trivia. And we're back. Okay, here's more solo trivia. So in Dresden, Vos' meeting room. In the Dresden and Lost Field,

Vos' meeting room, the golden idol from the opening scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark can be seen briefly on the tables. So too is Mandalorian body armor similar to Boba Fett's. Oh, okay. It seems that Chewbacca never was able to get the hang of that holographic

game. He loses here to Tobias Beckett. It's the game he plays against C3PO in their original star Wars film and loses in a similar fashion then too. So, okay. Yeah, we,

we remembered our favorite movie, the holiday special as being where that appears. Yes. Did you guys, did you guys catch that? He was 190 years old. Yes. Because Hans was like, how the fuck do you know how to fly a plane he was like bitch i'm fucking old i will say that that part when he like sits in the falcon when they finally are like pilot and co-pilot and the star wars movie

music plays like that shit got me man i like that too it was exciting. But then Hans was truly just screaming nonsense. He was like, let the diffusers fuse. And then that's Star Wars. You gotta scream nonsense. Okay, but here's a good one for you, Nicole. When Chewie puts his hand on Hans' shoulder at the end, Junos Suetomo's finger is visible through the fur. Oh, I gotta watch it again because Judas is my daddy.

I love him. Okay. I know a little trivia. Do you guys know Warwick Davis is in this movie? Yeah, yeah. We saw him, right? Who's Warwick Davis? He plays, he played one of the, what are they called in The Return of the Jedi?

Those little bear animals oh my god i can't believe i'm ewoks ewoks so he plays one of the ewoks and he's played like a role in almost every star wars movie and in this movie i didn't know that yeah in this movie he's like doesn't he's not like in a mask or anything he's only like done that like once or twice he shoots a rocket in this movie he's a little person you see him at one point he like takes oh yes yes yes here's a question yeah i have a real quick question when the raider people take off their helmets is one of them um bruce willis one kind of look like bruce willis you never know with star wars and i was i almost rewound it but i was like like, I have a Zoom to get to. So near the end, the camera and boom mic are reflected in the helmet of one of Voss's henchmen when he gets knocked down by Enofi.

That's crazy. That is crazy. That's because they're like shooting this movie like in three months because they had so many reshoots. Dryden Voss's original concept art portrayed him as a dinosaur bird-like figure. With the development of a love triangle between him, Han, and Kira His design became more humanoid, majestic, and handsome In order to evoke more jealousy from Han

Now see, I would have liked it if she was attracted to a dinosaur Same, yes Because then we would have that perfect imagery to be like How is homegirl fucking this dinosaur? Yeah Right, because you already got Lando fucking a robot and we also got Luke drinking

the milk out of that dinosaurs tit which is kind of sexy so upsetting okay more trivia Lando Carrizian says Han Solo I hate you oh you you gave us that trivia earlier and then Han says I know so in Empire Strikes Back Leazian says, Han Solo, I hate you. Oh, you gave us that trivia earlier. And then Han says, I know.

So in Empire Strikes Back, Leia says to Han, I love you. And Han says, I know. Yes. Which is like a funny callback. Someone's just like, I know. Yeah, I know. It's like, oh, whatever. He's been saying that forever.

It makes it less cute. He just always says that. Yeah, he's just like, I fucking know. Let's get into some of these reviews from when it came out okay so the guardian says solo a star wars story moreover has a glorious origin myth meet cute to set up one of cinema's greatest bromances the stoic wookie chewbacca and the insolently handsome freebooting rebel pilot han solo and alden iron i aaron reich absolutely crushes the role to powder, swaggeringly reviving the memory of the young Harrison Ford's romantic gallantry. And there's another meet cute come to think of it.

The love that flowers between man and machine, between the reckless pilot and the sleekly iconic Millennium Falcon. Well, that person loved it. Uh-huh. This is CNET. Sometimes I think the worst thing that happened to Star Wars was when someone decided to call a saga. With so much weight attached to each new movie in the series, it's easy to forget these things are supposed to be fun.

Even if Solo is lightweight, I'm thrilled to see a Star Wars movie that isn't laden with ponderous lore. Instead, it just takes us on a rollicking romp through a colorful sci-fi universe. So they liked it too. Yeah, it got pretty decent reviews. I liked Solo. I did too.

I mean, as far as these things go, I liked it. I think I'd rewatch The Last Jedi before I would rewatch this one. Yes, this could have been a little bit shorter. I think, and honestly, I wish it was more of a Han Solo slash Chewie, because I think that would have taken a little pressure off it being like this Harrison Ford thing. That's true. Yeah. Wait, did you guys ever you should watch the video. My friend Devin Field sent me this video of Harrison Ford surprising Alden Ehrenreich in some press junket. And he like talks about how he was like so proud of him in the movie and loved

his portrayal and like that's nice considering he usually says like shit about not giving a shit about yeah it's interesting because he i think he knew that this guy was going into a really tough situation and he kind of came out just saying he played it so smart that's nice i agree with he didn't try to do like a full impression and yeah it's a cool clip i like that i might actually watch it how long is the clip oh it's so short it's a cool clip i like that i might actually watch it how long is the clip oh it's so short it's a very short clip okay then maybe i'll watch it yeah you'll watch it you don't have to watch a 30 minute breakdown i'll watch it if it's one minute is it one minute just one minute it is less than one minute i promise well wait can i give you another youtube

video to watch yes have you guys watch watched uh the audition for ray no no by daisy ridley there's a youtube video of her auditioning for the force awakens and it's that scene where she's like fighting back in the chair with kylo ren and it's one of the best audition scenes i've ever seen it's like i think it's really fun to watch oh how long is it is it just that one scene oh my god it. It's so long. It's two and a half hours. It's actually just the whole movie. They made her do all the scenes.

Anyways, I love that you guys love Star Wars now. I love that you knew that it was Star Wars. We just know. We have brains and we remember what we saw for at least 50% of it. Yes. Do you have any other little knowledge droplets you want to drop on us?

I will give you, I'll give you one stupid thing that I know. Okay. And the issue, and I want to just give you this going into the third of the sequel movies because you're going to watch The Rise of Skywalker. So it went from J.J. Abrams to Rian Johnson back to J.J. Abrams.

And there is a lot of controversy that the directors didn't agree on what movies they were making. So there's like issues with that. But J.J. Abrams is this very like apologetic or like not apologetic, but he's very like does whatever the fans want in a little bit of a way. And people are a little bit annoyed with J.J. Abrams. But one of the first lines of Force Awakens, the first line is by Max Fonsito. And he says, now we begin to make things right. And that's J.J. Abrams saying, fuck the prequels.

Now I'm going to make these sequels. And when you watch the movies, when you watch the movies, there are all these little not. It's almost like the directors are fighting in the movie. So then when Rian Johnson gets the movie, he's kind of like, fuck the past. Like, fuck the reminiscing and the nostalgia. Like, let's have new stories. And then J.J. Abrams takes it back. So just be aware that like these three movies are like a fight between two directors.

And that's why. So I think I'm going to like the rise of Skywalker. We'll see. We'll see. I loved force awakens. That was like one of it's my number two movie. I love force awakens too. And I love the,

I love force awakens and the last Jedi together and rise of Skywalker. I don't hate, but I think you'll see it's like, it's almost separate than the other two. Oh okay wow but enjoy it i think you guys will have fun it'll be your final two and a half hour movie to watch oh my god well you can't guarantee that oh you gotta watch there's other things we have to watch and there's like so much going you gotta watch the mandalorian you guys are fucked dude yeah you got the time sean do you have anything you want to promote um shit man um oh you know sometime soon maybe a netflix show will be coming out about a kid show about food that i worked on i can't say

much more about that but look for that in the summer sometime that will be a fun project i guess my i don't know i'll probably start a patreon hit me up yeah yeah hit me up on uh at sean distant i'm out of work so i'll probably start a patreon look for new podcasts coming soon um it'll probably be breakdowns of newcomers episodes that would be great hit me up honestly that would be so. I would start listening to podcasts just for that. This is so fun, guys. I love that you guys are watching Star Wars, even if you don't quite love it yet. Well, thank you for doing it. Well,

guys, if you're out there and you want to help us out, give the show a review on your favorite podcast app and we'll read a few reviews each week. Here's one from Natalie Saith. It's a gorgeous five-star review. By the way, we're only reading five-star reviews, so don't write some bad reviews.

I now believe in the force. As a person who's always trying to understand epic stories, but whose brain is broken, question mark, or perhaps has bad taste, question mark, because I just don't follow narratives or buy into them the way others do, I feel I've been waiting my entire life for this podcast. It's a charming down-to-earth conversation

with personable noobs and experts. I've LOL'd so often, and I wish I could be there in person for these chats. I couldn't love this more. I'm trying to get everyone I know to listen. Thank you. That was very nice. Thank you.

This one is, trying to figure out how to make this podcast longer. I love these two so much, and this podcast is currently one of the bright spots of my week. So I'm desperately trying to come up with ways for them to continue the podcast once they finished watching all the movies. A few ideas.

We can make them rewatch all of the movies again. Oh, my God. No. If their opinions change at all. We could never. I would never. I think there's a bunch of books and TV shows I could branch into. Or my personal favorite idea, have Nicole and Lauren write a sequel

about Chewbacca and the Wookiee family. We could do that. I just want to listen to Nicole and Lauren. I have absolutely zero patience for this universe forever. Aw, thank you. Guys, that fan fiction episode is so fucking funny. I want you to do more fan fiction, please. That was very fun, I have to say.

It was very fun. And now we both know that fan fiction doesn't have to be sexual. I know, but I still think I would make mine sexual if I have to say. It was very fun. And now we both know that fan fiction doesn't have to be sexual. I know, but I still think I would make mine sexual if I did it again. Oh, no, it has to be sexy.

That's the best stuff. Wait, I do want to just really quickly give a shout out to that YouTube page. Again, new rock stars on YouTube. They do great breakdowns of all this nerdy shit. I'm not affiliated with them in any way, but I just like it.

They're good. They help me enjoy shit. I'm sure people will check that out. And Nicole, do you have anything you want to plug yes i have a book coming out june 2nd it's called hashtag very fat very brave also new nailed it comes out april 1st on netflix lauren yes i have a patreon patreon.com slash lauren lapkus i've uh done a watch along for the last jedi on there i also did a watch along for The Last Jedi on there. I also did a watch along with my husband for the movie Hook. We're going to do more watch alongs. People are

enjoying them. We're just talking over the movie. You can sync it up. It's like having company during the quarantine. So get with that. We're going to do a bunch of those. And there's a lot of improv on there and my short film that I made, which Sean is in, which everyone should go watch. And I would love for you guys to watch it and I would love to hear your opinion. And I'm on Good Girls on NBC. I'm doing a bunch of episodes. They're starting to air right now.

I think my episode aired a couple of days before this episode drops, my first episode. So those are on Hulu the day after they air on NBC if you want to watch that show. And I have a fun part on that. And I have a movie coming out soon called The Wrong Missy, which is coming to Netflix. It's me and David Spade. And it looks so funny.

I can't wait to fucking see it. It's insane. It's insane. I can't wait for everyone to see it. It's so crazy. And they might there, you know, there's been I saw he posted something about how they might move it up a little bit with the quarantine and everything to get some fun new content out there for the people. But you can listen to three down my other podcast with Scott Aukerman and Paul F. Tompkins, where we just chat.

All the episodes have been released for free on Apple and wherever you listen. So that's another fun one. But, yeah, I think that should cover everything we're doing right now. Stay inside and guys stay safe and stay now. Stay inside. And guys, stay safe and stay home. Stay inside, please, God. Yes, that is the big message here. Stay home. Please tell, if there are people

you know who are not staying home, yell at them because I've had to do that with a few people in my life. It is crazy, but like we gotta flatten the curve. So it goes away and we can all like leave our homes again. Yes. I like doing that. All right.

All right. Well, this was really fun. Thanks, Sean. Love you. Bye. Love you too. You guys are the best. That was a HeadGum Podcast.