Newcomers: Sports, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Star Wars Ep. IV - A New Hope Watch-Along with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus

Episode Date: January 28, 2020

This is a bonus episode with live reactions and commentary as Lauren and Nicole watch Star Wars Ep. IV - A New Hope for the very first time. You can sync up the film on Disney+ with us to watch along in real-time!If you'd like to skip to the film discussion, check out the first official episode where we sit down with John Gemberling (Big Mouth, Broad City) to breakdown what we just watched.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is wild. So this came from a tweet. Yes. Yeah. Well, let's say I'm Lauren Lapkus. I'm Nicole Byer. We are doing a Star Wars podcast. Yes.

And we've never seen Star Wars. Neither one of us has ever seen anything. I don't even know how to explain how much I haven't seen it because I don't know what all the things are. I just know stuff that dudes have brought up in improv scenes. Yes. I've definitely faked my way through a lot of improv scenes where I'm like don't know what all the things are. I just know stuff that dudes have brought up in improv scenes. Yes, I've definitely faked my way through a lot of improv scenes where I'm like, I know what that is. And just conversations with people where I'm like, I don't want to explain that I've never

seen it because they don't like that. I like in conversations to go, I've never seen it. I never will. Unless I get paid to do it on a podcast. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Okay. So we were tweeting about how we've never seen it. And then someone was like, you should do a podcast. And we tweeted about that. And then now we are on a podcast yeah exactly yeah okay so we were tweeting about how we've never seen it

and then someone was like you should do a podcast and we tweeted about that and then now we are doing a podcast we're doing it it really happened it was that simple life is it's so simple so but i think we're both um scared right now yes i don't want to watch it and we had to cancel the first recording session because i fucked up my schedule or rather someone else fucked up my schedule but it was so nice it was so funny because i was like oh we're gonna have to watch it and then we didn't have to watch it we didn't have to we've gone this long in our lives and we got one more day of not watching now we're here i didn't know there was nine movies but that might be because i don't read emails fully yeah you missed something in the

email because that has been covered but we're going to talk about all nine movies we're going to watch all nine movies we're going to get into like other star wars cultural bits like side movies comic books fan fiction figurines and there's a theme park in disney now right i've actually been there and i was like okay i. I didn't really understand. You didn't know what anything was? No. Okay. Seems weird. I walked in and walked out and that's maybe that's going to change after this. I don't know. I don't think so. Okay, so this is a

bonus episode that we're going to do right now where we watch the movie live and talk over it. So if you have never seen it or want to watch it again with our commentary, you can put this on and just hit play at the same time as us and hear what we think. And then this is the first Star Wars movie, even though it's episode four,

which already is a mistake in my book. And it's called A New Hope, which implies there is a hope that was old. Yes. But it's the first one. You know, this is already bad. Okay, so yeah, it's the first movie made, but it's number four in the lures

chrono chrono chronology yes that's a word it was released in 1977 so i mean we're hope i mean i i think i've seen i think i have seen this one when i was little but um like i know some of the characters like r2d2 and some ewoks i call them the gold man and the little rolling dumpster. I only know Chewbacca and I know, oh, Jabba the Hutt. What about Jar Jar Binks? That one's later. I don't know what a Jar Jar Binks is. Okay, that comes way later, I think. I have a very distinct memory of being, I think maybe eight or nine,

and my mother bought us Star Wars. I think it was three VHSs. My sister popped it in. I saw the words and I said, I got to read. I'm out of here. And I truly, anytime she put it on, would leave the room. I was like, I don't want to watch these people. And I don't know why I was so.

Yeah, I feel the same way. I really avoided it actively because it is kind of hard to not end up seeing these movies. At least one of them. really avoided it actively because it is kind of hard to not end up seeing these movies at least one of them and i don't know like my i have a brother and he i'm sure has seen them all but like it was not a big thing in our house we didn't like play star wars like we didn't have any toys related to it so it just kind of missed me but it missed me too here we are i actually I actually do feel dread in my heart. Yeah, I feel pretty upset. And then also I was like, okay, wait, then we watch this one.

Then we have to watch the other ones. We have to watch eight more after this. Yeah, and we're scheduled to do this pretty back to back. But I will say for people out there who might be big fans, we're bringing on people who know all about Star Wars and are big fans and love it. So that will offset whatever we're doing that might be a turn off to you. There are funny, fun people who are going to come explain why this is cool.

And it's going to be great. And if you've seen the movie and you don't care what we think right now, you can skip to the next episode where we will have a guest and we'll talk all about what we thought about this movie. On episode four, which is actually episode one. Yeah.

Should we label the episodes of our podcast episode four, but it's the first episode? Yes. To make it just as confusing as this franchise. I mean, why would they do it like that? I think, okay, so I did, I was texting Mary Holland before I came here and she said I said it's so confusing that it's called episode four and she was like yeah he wanted it to sound to seem like it was already a story that existed which I'm like I guess that's cool but I don't I don't know but maybe once you watch it we'll understand I guess nobody had the internet back then so they were like I guess I missed the first three I'll find it one day. That's fucked up.

So George Lucas is out here just, I know that. You knew that. I knew George Lucas, he out here trying to trick people. Yeah. Well, everyone got tricked. Everyone loves it. They're obsessed.

Should we do it? Let's watch it. Should we watch this? Okay. Wait, how long is it? Don't question. Don't think about that right now. We can't.

We can't. Okay. Okay. Should we say three, two, one. Oh boy. about that right now we can't we can't okay okay should we say three two one oh boy this is normal 20th century fox but like i hate it yeah okay okay i do i do feel a comfort when i see 20th century fox but i've never seen lucas film in front of something has he only made star wars movies i don't know oh this is an updated one

the crawler yeah whoa it's not a okay episode four okay oh so he's like in case it is a period of civil war rebel spaceships striking from a hidden base have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire. Okay. During the battle, rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Star, an armored space station with enough power

to destroy an entire planet. That's a lot of info. I don't know what's going on. Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Leia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom

to the galaxy. So they're catching us up on what's happened in 1 through 3. Does this have, I don't under or no. No. Okay, this is not. This is just So Mars is saying this is just random information we don't need to know? We're just we need it, I guess. But we do need it for this episode. Okay.

Well, I didn't really retain it. So hopefully that won't matter. Okay. So Princess Leia has a whole space station that can cruise the galaxy and keep everyone alive. And there was a war. There was a war in Rebels. Yeah. Hmm.

Okay. Oh boy. This is just like. You know, old movies move so slowly. Okay. Oh boy, this is just like... You know, old movies move so slowly. Yeah, I was like, this is like Gravity where I was like, this is too much space. Show me more Sandra Bullock. Oh my God. Who do you think is the first character we'll see?

I hope it's Chewbacca. I hope it's Chewbacca too, because I like when he goes... Okay, so there's like lasers. This looks pretty good for the 70s. Oh, wow. That's a big thing. Aren't you impressed by that if it was 1977? Like, that's kind of cool. Yeah. Now I

see why people liked it. It's lasers and pew, pew, pew. Oh, my God. Wait, there's two. Who's the other guy? There's a gold and a silver man.

Who is the silver? They got rid of him because he's boring. Who is he? Does he die? I don't know. Oh my God, he probably dies. I hope he dies. Well, I guess he can't really die.

He's a robot. He can get, I guess that's death. I like the way they walk walk I like how they walk too like they're wearing heels okay and these guys are dressed really normally this is something that I think I noticed at Disneyland where like they're just wearing like pants and a shirt but then they're wearing a helmet and I'm like so you're just worried about your brain? I'm truly not interested. It's so boring to me.

I want it to be interesting to me. Me too. That's important, I think, to note that that like we we want this to be good we just don't feel like it is oh and here's the thing i truly just want someone to explain to me the rest of the movie like i'm over it okay so these guys i've seen those guys those are starship people no starship troopers I want to call them... Starship Troopers? Is that what it is? I don't know. Storm Troopers! We got help for that one.

Is that not a thing? Starship Troopers. Oh, okay. Mara says that's a different movie. Okay. This is like... God. this is like god it is hilarious like who's in that costume who is c-3po played by because it's cute however that person is running is somebody in the c-3po costume? What's his name? Or her name? It feels like it's a woman.

Right? A nice slender woman. Anthony Daniels. Never mind. Anthony Daniels. Crushing it. And honestly, the way Darth Vader breathes, I would be concerned. Like, I wouldn't follow him anywhere.

I'd be like, you need help. Yeah, you need help. Is Anthony also saying the lines or is he just moving? His butt is so small. Where there's a white man inside the costume, but it's James Earl Jones' voice. I only learned that recently. I also just saw that recently okay Princess Leia I want to love her because I feel that

this is a cultural icon that I have no connection to. Although for James Earl Jones, he didn't have to do all the work of being in the costume every day, which is kind of nice. He got to go in probably for two days and do a voiceover and get paid a ton. which is kind of nice. He got to go in probably for two days and do a voiceover and get paid a ton.

It's so slow. The way that he just held him was so unthreatening in a way. No, it wasn't threatening at all. He shook him so gently. Wait, he wants who alive? I don't know. What's happening?

I'm already lost. I feel like we'll catch on because it's like two more hours. Also, I like Princess Leia's gun. It's just a normal gun with a silencer. Yeah. Hey, come on. Wait, so the little dumpster talks to him and he understands? That's it.

He goes, beep, boop, boop, beep. Ah, like a minion. They just got in something and they're okay. Whoa, they're in the whole egg. A space egg. Okay, so he's like an astronaut who can get out and check out what's up. But like, where are they going? And why? What are they circling? What planet are they circling?

Did they already say that in the opening? Yeah, Mars, what planet is this? Good. I'm glad you don't know. Is this a nightmare for you? What's the problem? I'm glad you don't know. Is this a nightmare for you? I want to know what happened to the plan they sent you.

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan. That's a hard line. I'm on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan. I'm a member of the Imperial Senate. Yeah, that's one of those lines that I get, and I'm like, I'll learn it in the car. I'll just sit there and focus on that a little bit. Is that guy famous? He looks like somebody.

He looks like Liam Neeson to me, so that's a little inaccurate. He does look a little Liam Neeson. Like a short Liam Neeson. I truly have no idea what's going on. I feel like I'm watching a foreign film with no subtitles. I was just thinking that. I was like, is this an English movie or an American movie? It's definitely American, though. But the people feel strangely foreign, but they're not. It's like they have slight accents.

Oh, this is the desert. Okay, I kind of remember this. Or maybe I've just seen it. What a nightmare to shoot. Being that robot costume in the desert. And you don't have a co-star. You just have a Roland Dunst. Wait, is there a little person in there?

This is heavy. You know, you can get C-3PO to do like your Waze voice on the map. How awful. And I think he says, what a desolate place this is. Oh, wait, the gold man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. You're like, where am I going? Oh, wow, there's a guy in there.

Interesting. In R2-D2's costume. How crazy. Feels like it'd be really uncomfortable. Yes. His little butt. I wonder if this is similar to, like, when they had the Tin Man and they painted people with, like, lead paint and someone died.

Yeah, isn't that fucked up? yeah isn't that fucked up they could have cut this scene so is this like in super bad where like they get upset and they part ways and they have like different oh yeah maybe this is pretty early usually that's like act two where the people part ways

why did they split up they just had a difference of opinion it's the emotional stakes feel so low right now there is no emotional stakes because what's happening no one knows what's happening this man is struggling up the sand walking in the sand oh and that's a dinosaur? Skeleton? Skeleton? What?

Wait, did their thing crash on this? Why does he need to be saved? It looks like claymation. What am I looking at? Cut to nice dissolve. I don't. It's nighttime. And now there's rocks.

R2-D2 is scared and alone. Oh, no. What are those little red eyes? A cougar? What is that? Is it an animal? Oh, I don't like that. Me either.

Also, this camera work is shaky. It's like we're supposed to be there or something. What is that? I don't like that me either also this camera work is shaky it's it's like we're supposed to be there or something what is that i don't like that he's throwing rocks what is it get out no i hate it it can't tell if it's small or not i I can't tell if it's small or not. I also can't tell if it's human or an animal. It's really creepy. Ooh, there's a bunch. Ooh, I don't like that. He looks very calm as he investigates.

No! Yikes! no oh no he just he passed away well yeah he comes back for more dude kill those things or are those gonna be Ewoks who are cute oh I don't know

these look fucked up they're little demons Or are those going to be Ewoks who are cute? Oh. I don't know. I feel like... These look fucked up. They're little demons. I don't like them. Look at them. The eyes are scary. They're like little monks. Where are they taking him?

I don't know. I don't like their eyes. I hate the way their whole head is. Okay, it's a sacrifice. Yeah. Or like a funeral procession. This is bad. What is happening?

There's so many storylines. We're like five minutes in. So Princess Leia, she's with Darth Vader, and then the gold man's alone in the desert. Well, he flew off to check out if there was damage to the Death Star. Who did? C-3PO. I think they got in the egg to look on the outside of the thing. And then they crashed.

And they were like, it looks good. And then they crashed in the desert, I think. Oh, boy. Are we right? Is that what's happening? Oh, that's okay. I think it's cool that we're not right. Now these little freakos.

Yeah, they're going to, oh. They're like electrocuting themselves. They put a fork in R2-D2. He just took off into a trash detector. He just got sucked up. Oh my God, where did he get sucked up to? What is that? What is that? What is that?

There's like a bug man. It's like a praying mantis C-3PO. This is wild. I have to say, so far, it's essentially just a million random things happening. Correct. Yeah. It is like... Which is kind of what I thought.

It's like trail mix. It's a bunch of shit put in a bag so there's another c3p no this is r2d2 that thing i think i've seen at disneyland i think i've seen that in a whole different movie yeah at wally yes okay that is a trash can that one is a trash can. That one is a trash can. It's really dark. I mean, so this is like a factory of shit? Wait, how did he get there?

What? I thought they were lost. Oh, they collected him too, but that's what we didn't know. What is that ventriloquist dummy off to the right? What are they in? They are in a dumpster. They're in a dumpster on wheels. They're rolling down a hill.

It's fine. No, what is this? They just do a time dissolve to these guys. Riding a dinosaur. So the stormtroopers are riding dinosaurs. Or something. I mean, it's... Oh my God, this is a dinosaur. So the stormtroopers are riding dinosaurs. Or something. I mean, it's... Oh, my God. This is a mess.

It's really well done, though, for the 70s. This was remastered. Oh, it's remastered. So we're watching a remastered version. What does that mean? Do you think they updated the guys, like, what they were riding on? Like, what did it look like before? They look bad.

Why do they remaster things? I guess maybe it would be really hard to watch if it was... I guess they remaster it to be like, here is the best version of this movie. Yeah, like this was what would have happened if they could do it now. If they made this movie now, it would be so fast. I wonder if when we get through and we get towards the end, if they're going to be moving so much faster.

Probably. People don't have patience for this kind of shit. And by people, I mean us. I'm surprised the amount of people who love Star Wars got past this. But don't you think they were all young? Or, I mean, it was a long time ago. So, like, your standards change like i don't know if there are people who are fans who just started watching like now and i guess when

you're a kid you're just like oh wow there's so much happening yeah and then when you're a kid you re-watch it right so i guess if you re-watch it then you're like, oh, now I understand what's happening. What are these wooded things? When will we find out what those things are? I have a random guess. Is it a druid? Is it a thing or is it a droid? What's a druid? What is a druid? I don't know.

I don't know if I made that up. It's from something else. Maybe. I don't know. I think they're Ewoks. I can't wait till we see their faces. They run crazily. They're hopping around.

It's very cute. It's almost as if they're dancing. I like thinking about someone directing them to run in that way. Okay, he is hot. And that's Han Solo. Luke Skywalker. Okay. He just said Luke. that's Han Solo. Luke Skywalker. Okay. She just said Luke.

That's the only reason why I would have said Han. So wait, they live in that little dirt pile? Yeah, wait, what? Is that his igloo? Are these his little things? So are they good? I guess they are good. Wait, what's a Yoda?

Dude, we're not there yet. Are they Yodas? No, Yoda's one guy. Oh. Yoda's that little green one with the pointy ears. But I thought maybe there was multiple Yodas. I don't know. I think there's only one.

Dude, what? We just watched maybe 10 minutes of no dialogue. I know. We talked over the whole thing and no one missed anything. He is cute. I just worked with him on The Big Bang Theory. But I didn't know. I mean, I knew that he was in Star Wars, but I didn't pretend to know more.

You know that thing? It's like if you meet someone famous, you cannot act like you know what their stuff is. No, because then they might be like, oh, you like it. What's your favorite one? And you're like, oh, friend, I don't know. Mark Hamill, is that his name? Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Yeah. Oh, no. This R2 unit. So there's more R2-D2s. Maybe D2 is like his sub name. These things are so funny. So they're just replaceable? I don't know how I feel about that.

But what do they need them for? Oh, boy. I thought he was his friend, though. This is exhausting. I feel weird that they're just, like, trading him out. Dude, these dissolves are crazy i feel like that's how we've transitioned every scene yeah oh no he's a grown-ass man playing with a plane what is he doing you can't do that okay here's my question who's han solo she's does does Princess Leia fall in love with him or Han Solo I think Princess Leia falls in love with him yeah I think so too I think that sounds familiar to me like the idea of Luke Skywalker yes but then also I think they're

siblings I think that too. I was going to say that. I don't know. I feel like that's like a spoiler that I've picked up on. I think so. They find out they're siblings, but they're like, fuck. Which is so insane. It's like you were writing the story.

Why did you do that? It's so good though. I guess I really don't understand what he's doing. So R2-D2 is essentially like a replaceable, like electronic thing. Is it like a butler that helps you? I don't know, but I,

I, I honestly feel like people have made R2-D2 out to be like such an iconic figure that we're supposed to care about that. The fact that they just kind of traded him with a different one was really weird. Who cares? What? Whoa, what?

Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. Is he Obi-Wan Kenobi? No, he's Luke Skywalker. Okay. Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope. Is he Obi-Wan Kenobi? No. No, he looks like Skywalker. Okay, so he's seeing Princess Leia as a hologram, but it's like on replay. So wait, we see a hologram of a woman going,

you're my only hope, and then this little gold man goes, it's nothing. Who cares? Yeah. Rude. Oh, yeah, they definitely fall in love. Look at the way he's staring at her. He's obsessed and she's only an inch tall.

He's like, I like this little lady. So who is Obi-Wan Kenobi? I don't know. But apparently he's a good guy. Yes. Because he's going to help her. There are nine of these movies? Why?

We have so much to watch. This is so overwhelming. It honestly seemed simpler in theory. Yes. Yes, but it is a lot of content. Here. Okay, so there's a short circuit. So if he gets rid of that, maybe there's more to the video. No.

Oh, she went away? Oh, no. Oh. I mean, C-3PO's kind of abusive. I thought they were friends. I don't think so. I think the gold man's in charge. Well, now that we know that R2-D2 is essentially a phone,

it doesn't feel like it's that important whether he's nice to him or not. I guess it doesn't. But it seems like he's got feelings. A phone with feelings? It does feel like that. I feel like he got sad when it didn't work. Wait, who are these people? Oh, that's Luke's parents.

Oh, uncle. They know who he is. Why are they drinking milk? It was like gray. What was that? I want to see their whole plate. Her wardrobe is not the same. She looks like she could be walking around town right now. Truly.

Like she came to set and they were like, we don't have wardrobe for you. And she was like, it's fine. She's like an artist in the 70s. Droids. Are droids with that thing, those little red red eyes? Oh, you said that earlier. I said druids and then I said droids. Maybe.

I'm afraid to Google ahead. Should I just not and just see if we learn? No, let's just... How old is he supposed to be wait so luke lives with his uncle and his aunt because his dad's dead his parents are dead dude just put something together oh slowly figuring this i out. I just remembered a very important phrase that will come

in to play later. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Oh, okay. But had completely forgotten. Okay, there's two moons. Oh my god. Drama. But like, why do we care?

Right, he just said he wanted to go to school. You know? And he's so sad about not going to... These dissolves are so weird. How much longer is this movie? Like four hours. Let's see. We've probably been watching for like 30 minutes. I've never hated a movie more.

I just... Here's the thing. Nothing is important. I just don't feel like any of the moments we've seen yet are the things people care about when they talk about this movie. Correct. So I don't think we've gotten to like the good part. There's so much explanation and backstory happening that like.

Which is so silly because we're already episode four. Right. We should know all this shit. So then episodes one, two, and three will like fill in the blanks for this. Oh boy. I mean, I like that we're watching it

in this order because I feel like this is how everyone has seen it. Yes. But I wonder what would happen if you watched it. Yeah, if we watched it in episode one, two, three. Yeah, what happens when that happens? Do you get it more?

Okay. Okay. Now, this looks like a small little set. Mm-hmm. This is similar to what they've got at Disneyland. Oh. Stuff like this. I'll never go. I don't really like theme parks.

Really? I like Disneyland. I don't like being outside. Well, that's the thing. It's very exhausting. Yeah. You're just like walking around the side. And you get really tuckered out.

Yeah. And there's children screaming. Then you have to wait so long for the thing. It's very exhausting. Yeah. And you get really tuckered out. Yeah. And there's children screaming. Then you have to wait so long for the ride. It's true. If there was, if I could like be so famous that they like brought me onto the ride. Correct. No lie. I would do that in a heartbeat.

Oh, wow. Whoa. That's fun. That's cool. It's like a little sardine can. Okay. What are those this reminds me of Power Rangers

Rita whoa he just got onto some what is that that thing's pretty cool I like when movies made things like with practical effects like that's a real animal right dude he's always freaking out.

When I hear several creatures are approaching, my instinct is to go have a look. Yeah, I'll just go back inside and be like, they can have a good time. It's fine. When that thing is approaching, I don't want to be near that. Oh, shit! Oh, no!

C.D. Bill faint fainted the robot fainted it's like his eyes couldn't catch up with what he saw honestly that was very funny i loved it he truly just fell out his eyes got big and he was a nightmare so the little dumpster's hiding. Ouch. Now, are those guys, like, do the spikes come out of their skin? Oh, no, they're going to take the raft somewhere. Oh, my god. That's so stupid looking I can't even deal with it.

That anyone who likes this movie has to admit that that looks stupid. I mean most of this looks stupid. That looks ridiculous. This hooded man. Falling over the side of a mountain. Who is that? That's the uncle. What?

Or is he one of the red eyes? No, that's not how you see if someone's alive, by putting your hands on their eyes. Whoa. Is that uncle? He's a nice man. No, that's a different guy. That's not uncle. That's a different old white dude.

Is this Obi-Wan? Oh. Oh, I feel bad for R2-D2. He's just a scared little telephone. He's like, I don't know. Oh, I'm close. This man's hair is insane. Oh, it's not Obi-Wan.

It's Ben Kenobi. Here's my question. Why do some of them have the most insane names and others are like Luke and Ben? What is up? Ben Kenobi? Luke Skywalker? Yeah, Han Solo's the wildest name yeah

maybe Han Solo invented the Solo Cup yes yes yes well you're related to him apparently yeah you got the same surname is that a last name yes kenobi or one kenobi oh boy dude Oh boy. Dude.

The sand people are easily startled. Okay, is that what those red eyes are? I guess so, but it honestly seems like a slur. Whose arm? Is that the silver guy? That's the gold man. He fainted. Oh, oh.

He fainted so hard, his arm popped right off. He made it so hard, his arm popped right off. He's committing suicide. Wow, really pessimistic, dude. And you're a robot, so I think you can keep going. Okay, dissolve up. The Clone Wars. The Clone Wars. Clone Wars.

I will say that we've really come to a point in time where there are not a lot of original stories like this being made where he's just making shit up. Correct. Every line is random and new information. No one's ever heard it before. Yeah. That's kind of cool. It is is but I

I mean I don't follow it no it's very hard to follow who's Kylo Ren isn't that somebody in Star Wars I think that's later oh I don't know but you're right about these wild names Kylo Ren and then Luke and Ben later. I don't know.

But you're right about these wild names. Kylo Ren and then Luke and Ben. Oh, and this is a lightsaber. It's what everyone loves. How is he not chopping off C-3PO's head with that? Because they fucked up the... They fucked up the effect.

Mm-hmm. I just understood may the force be with you interesting I like that idea. Yeah, but then I'm like, how does the force decide to be with you? And what is up with him just being a projector now? Hmm. This is where the movie could have started. Yes. Yes.......... ... ...

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...... okay did c-3po die? Like, what is he? He's like...

He got all tuckered out. He showed the whole message, and he was like, I don't know what more I can do. No, I mean C-3PO. Oh, the gold man. It's... Too many numbers and letters. Well, he had no lines in that scene,

so they were like, take a breath. Yeah, they were like, just don't look at anyone. That's not a planet. Okay, what is that? Are they going in there? Oh, is that the Death Star? I don't...

These haircuts. Dude. This man. This man. I do like the idea of being cast in this movie where you have no idea what this is. And you're just like, the Imperial Force. And you're like, you don't know if anyone's going to like me. You're just like, I don't know.

I'll just say it like this. The Imperial Force is something. And they're like, we need you to come back and have a bad haircut. He looks ill. He does not look well. He does look very sick. He kind of looks sick too. Oof.

I can't believe that he's just recording it from somewhere else where that guy just stands there and does nothing do you think that guy said the line in the room? maybe I would say yes and then probably in post they were like this isn't threatening enough yeah I like that his helmet kind of has eyebrows. That must have felt kind of demeaning to like the original guy though when they were like,

okay, we'll keep your body, but like you don't sound tough. I like your voice. Whoa. That's a twist. Whoa. Okay, that is creepy. That was cool. Whoa.

So that old scary sick man is the boss of Darth Vader? Because he told him to stop. I don't know. Oh, no. Wait, are those little scary things dead? What? They're all dead right there? Or they're running around naked. I don't like that.

I feel worse about them being dead than I did about them being scary. Wait, Mars, are they dead? Oh, okay. Are they sand people? No, those were druids and they are dead. Oh, okay. I think the sand people came and killed them. Oh.

What a bummer. I liked them. They were merry. Well, they grew on me. Same. As long as I couldn't see their beady, scary eyes, I was fine. I liked the way they jovially danced around. Oh, he's getting in the raft.

Okay, that thing looks really small, but I guess it's not. Also, I like that it's pink. That's funny. How do they do that? I think what I didn't realize is that Star Wars involves so much like dusty terrain. Yeah. In my mind it was like space.

Oh no. Is this his home? Yikes. His uncle and aunt. What's going to happen? Oh my God. Are they all burnt up? That's fucked up. Is that his uncle and aunt?

Is it their bodies? Oh my God. This movie is horrific. Oh no, is it really? That is wild. Wait, is that what we just saw? Yes, we saw like flesh still on bones. All burnt up.

Okay. That was bad. That was fucked up. Those sand people were no joke. That's so sad. I want to know. We're not going to spend any more time on that. No,

we need more. Hmm. Oh, is that a BB-8 ball? I don't know. Isn't there a BB-8 ball? I think that comes way, I think BB-8 is like a way later thing. Okay. Like in the late movies, but I don't know if they don't, I don't know if it was in the early ones too.

What is he carrying? Dead people? Oh my god. I can't handle this. I think he's burning them. Oh, he's putting all the druid... My God! Oh my God, people are going to be annoyed that I'm saying druid. The droids are being stacked and burned. That's depressing as shit.

That's depressing as shit. He's taking his uncle and aunt's death pretty well. He basically was like, all right, fuck it. I'll be a Jedi. I'm out. They're dead. Wee! Los Angeles. Truly.

This is just like... What? What are... Wait, what? Oh, I like those. Are they little mice dinosaurs? What is him? That looks very remastered, I have to say. A lot of this does. Yes, this like those. Are they little mice dinosaurs? What is him? That looks very remastered, I have to say.

A lot of this does. Yes, this is insane looking. I want to see what that original jet looked like when it was flying, when it was not. Isn't this unexpected to you, like this sort of landscape? Yes. And then these weird dinosaur animals are so wild. I like how Goldman is sitting.

He looks like he's in a parade. Very casually on the back of that hover car. Did he just say we're here for the four seasons? That's truly what it sounded like. We're here for the four seasons? That's truly what it sounded like. We're here for the four seasons. They just check into like a luxury hotel. These aren't the droids we're looking for. That's a famous phrase.

Oh, it is? Yeah. Wait, did he just say move along first? So they checked in with him and he was like, nope, not interested. And sent them on their way. Oh boy, I'm exhausted. Where the fuck are they? I'm so tired from this. There's more of these little guys.

So there's a ton of them. So it doesn't matter that some of them died? Yeah, I guess they're kind of faceless. It was kind of insane how C-3PO was just burning all their bodies

immediately. Yeah, nobody has any real thoughts about death. They're just like, oh, people are dead. Let's burn them up. Or my uncle and aunt are dead. I better get out of here. The way this gold man walks is truly very funny.

Whoa! What is that? What is everybody? What the fuck? Are these like the freaks? They're all very different from each other. Yeah, I guess this is a freak bar. Whoa, not the eyes again.

What is that guy? He's like a bat whoa devil oh my god people like this movie they're playing instruments and that's a chewbacca yes what's that dude who that extra in the bottom right he's like who just looks so upset wait they don't serve who damn no no allegiance to your friend wait he just said wait outside do they discriminate against robots robots robots are bad in this world? Maybe because they can film them or something. Oh. No paparazzi.

It's funny watching them interact. I'm blown away that there are characters that look like this in the movie. I mean, what do you think? They're literally anything with like the art department. I need one that looks like a big dog. And I need one that one has like balls, two tongues,

two tongue, like balls for a chin. Oh, Oh, Two tongues. Two tongue-like balls for a chin. Oh. Oh. Why are all these freaks so aggressive why do they hate him through a table whoa oh oh shit okay so the lightsaber does do something because it's oh my god he took off his fucking arm and everyone's just kind of chill about it goes back to smoking a hookah, turns his back. Oh, so now we're friends with the Chewbacca?

Does Chewie just go like this? Or does he talk? He was before Cardi B's before was Maybe that's where she got it from did she make that up I don't know

I literally hate these people these make me sick and I hate that they are trained in instrumentals we got a young Harrison Ford and he looks good. Although I am confused as to how he got into the picture. Me too. Where did he come from?

Also, Chewbacca's kind of attractive. Oh, no. I have to see him again. Chewbacca is not attractive he looks like a dog that became a man maybe I'm just a little desperate I would watch a sex tape of you and Chewbacca

that's you though yes next time I'm with you and Chewbacca. That's you, though. Yes. Oh, okay. So, I guess he knew that he, that Han Solo is, like, has a spaceship or something.

So now they're going gonna take his spaceship to go save Princess Leia great thank you yeah no problem my god he's so hot he's really hot he also kind of looks like Rick Moranis

which is a little confusing ooh I see that I want to know if they have heads under there or if their body is that

like C-3PO kind of no I think the stormtroopers are people who become stormtroopers

oh captions helpful Oh, captions. Helpful. Whoa, Jabba. We haven't even gotten to Jabba the Hutt or Yoda. So Han Solo's like a cool guy. Very cool. Leg up. Leg up. He's like, I got the money. He's a smuggler.

Wouldn't it be so insane if you were in this movie as that person but no one ever knew I often think about people in movies where they're completely concealed yeah

it's like this is my big moment mom look well trust me I was there I promise it is me oh no he got killed oh no he got killed

everyone at this bar is ew that thing everyone is totally chill with people just being shot it's so normal he just said sorry for the mess and threw him dude he's chill as fuck

threw him I guess money a coin what are those this sick man He's still as fucked. Through him, I guess, money? A coin? What are those? This sick man. He's honestly so ill that it makes me worried. I wonder if he's dead, probably. Well, now, yeah.

I like their badges. It reminds me of candy. Yeah, it looks like little... You can pop them out of the thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You peel. Oh, my God. How... Is this an hour?

I think we are not even halfway, is my guess. Oh, God. Is that true? Yeah, we're not halfway. We're not even halfway, is my guess. Oh, God. Is that true? Yeah, we're not halfway. We're not even halfway. Oh, boy. This is going to be a struggle to watch these on my own.

Dude, I know. Although, my roommate. In a way, it's good. It's like, maybe that'll be helpful because you, but I don't even want to look at my phone during it because I'm not going to, I'm going to miss like key details and we have to talk about it. Because I've been staring at this the whole time and I've missed key details. I honestly still don't understand a lot of what's happening. There's a lot of extras in this movie.

So many. And so many extras that are aliens. Yes. It's a lot of costume stuff. Oh, that thing looks like it's got a dick on its face. Yeah, that was nasty. Yes. It's a lot of costume stuff. Oh, that thing looks like it's got a dick on its face. Yeah, that was nasty. Oh, Jabba! Jabba? Okay, this is definitely remastered.

Yes. Oof. Yuck. Why did you fry poor greedy? Oh, that guy. I don't like how the remastering looks, honestly. Me either. It looks truly out of place next to old Harrison Ford. That's the thing.

I don't really get why they do that. Maybe that makes it more appealing for a younger audience. I think they remastered it so they could re-release it in theaters, maybe. Oh, yeah. To be like, look at this new thing we did. Give us more money. Jabba has three chances but see I feel like he would have been touching him before

and that would be more real feeling oh so he's giving him another chance seems bad look at that guy these costumes are so arbitrary anything can happen in this world. That lady looks... It's like a hipster. That was so funny. I truly think some of these extras showed up and they're like, I don't know, that's fine. They're like, that can work. What is this dick-faced person?

That dick knows. Damn. Okay. I still really don't understand the gold man and the little trash cans function. I don't either. And I want to know why there was a silver version of him that we just never saw again.

Yeah. And then an older version of the little trash can. Yeah. He looks good. Like, he looks, like, real. The Chewbacca? Mm-hmm. Yes. Yes.

Uh-oh. You're telling me not one of those lasers hit him? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, Chewie is the pilot? Chewie flies the plane? I can't with this. Oh. Chewie flies the plane? I can't with this. Oh! And I love that none of them did anything.

Chewie is a skilled pilot. I love that dog man who can fly a spacecraft. I want to do it. What are you doing? Is it in the back of your throat? What? Hmm. It's so weird to me that I really know Harrison Ford from like other stuff and not this. And this is like his star making turn. Yes. This is what everyone connects him with.

I mean, when I think of Harrison Ford, I think about Air Force One. Get off my plane. And I think about his earring, which I believe he has in real life. Earring. Oh, yes, he does have an earring in his left ear, I think. Why are they holding Princess Leia captive? Also, why is she the only woman in this movie?

She's the only woman. Except for that hipster we just saw. Yes. Hmm. that you have encouraged him the responsibility of seven. Princess Leia, before your execution, I would like you to be my guest as a settlement that will make this battle station operational. No star system will dare oppose the Emperor now. The more you tighten your grip, Dark,

the more star systems will slip through your fingers. Not after we demonstrate the power of this station. In a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that will be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the Rebel base, I have chosen to test this station's destructive power on your home planet of Aurad. No! Aurad is peaceful, we have no weapons, you can't possibly- You will confront another target, a military target, then name the system. Earth?

Earth? I don't really believe what just happened. Like, I don't know what's going on. Well, she said that... Like, she was like, don't fire up to my home planet. Yeah, but why would she tell them it was her home planet? Oh, shit! They just blew a bird.

Oh, no! They fucking blew up a whole planet! Oh, he's playing wiffle ball with the lightsaber? He's an adult who loves to play. He is silly. Yeah, a whole fucking planet got destroyed. So he's like psychic? I think the force is with him.

This is so tough. What's he doing? Whoa, what is that? Is this a test for aliens? This looks insane. This looks insane. This is remastered, yes? I don't...

This is so bad. That's like... It's crazy to make that remastered. So he's a cowboy. What? What is this? What is this? What is this training? I feel like Ben's going to see value in it. Oh. You don't believe in a force, do you? Kid, I've flown from one side of this galaxy to the other. I've seen a lot of strange stuff, but I've never seen anything

that makes me believe there's one all-powerful force controlling everything. There's no mystical energy field controlled by my destiny. There's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go of your conscious self. And act on instinct. Mm-mm. The blushing, Dom, I can't even see.

That's the point, you dumb-dumb. Oh, my God. Stretch out with your feelings. Dude. hmm wow Calista Flockhart is a real lucky lady right but that's so insane Wow, Calista Flockhart is a real lucky lady. But that's so insane that he couldn't do it without the helmet on and then they plop this helmet on and magically he's great. Riley, why couldn't he follow his instinct before? He's dying as they're filming.

I'm very worried about the health of this man. Wait, so she lied and then a whole planet got fucking blown up? Oh, boy. Oh, she's kind of crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, are they flying through the remnants of that planet? He has like a headset on That looks silly It's very funny because who is he talking to He can't communicate

No But he's only talking to Han Solo Also like I like that all the technology is so strange. Then he just puts on, like, an operator's headset to, like, be the pilot. Oh, he's got a headset, too, that he's just not wearing. Well, he's too cool. Space Station.

Too big of a space station. Very mad feeling about this. Don't you know that? Yeah. to the space station. Very mad feeling about this. Is that a joke or not? Yeah, I think you're right. There's a jury lock in the auxiliary car. Hmm. There's a jury lock in the auxiliary car. Why are we still getting to Mars?

I'm caught in a trap. I'm in this corner. this is wild him telling Chewie to do something and then Chewie just going I don't think I understand what that thing is. Like they can go inside it. I think that's the Death Star. Right, Mars?

Okay. I thought that was that. Okay. So it's minuscule. Yeah, it's really tiny. They can just fly in unannounced. That I don't get. The Death Star is humongous.

It's very big. Well, that makes sense as to how they can blow up planets because they're so big. Right. What, is that Roomba? Roomba. That's literally just cleaning the Death Star right now Oh they captured it Oh so that was a mistake

That they went into it? Yes Okay she may yet be of some use to us. Okay, I'm so confused as to, like, who's actually in charge of the Death Star. Is it Darth Vader, or is it the dudes in the uniforms? Or that old guy. Yeah. There's no one on board, sir.

According to the log, the crew abandoned ship right after takeoff. It must be a decoy, sir. Several of the escape pods have been jettisoned. You'll be finding a drone, sir? If there were any on board, they must also have jettisoned. Send a scanning crew aboard. I want every part of this ship checked.

Yes, sir. I sense a presence I've not felt since... Get me a scanning crew in here on the double. I want every part of this ship checked. there's no one here hiding the floorboard seems so easy that's too easy the floor is literally paper hmm Chewie's oh my god Chewie's so much

he's essentially his pet but he also is a pilot like he just rubbed his head like he was a dog yes that's cute

little box yeah I would put that in my house That's cute Little box Yeah Yeah I would put that in my house TK-421, why aren't you at your post? TK-421, do you copy? Take over. We've got a bad mess. I'll see what I can do. yeah I still maintain that this movie truly could have started when they finally got princess leia's message to start working yeah i think we didn't need any of that shit princess leia her message his uncle and aunt being killed so he has a reason to want to go change his life that's it

That's it. Because it's confusing about the little dumpster, because you're like, he's not helpful, he is helpful, he's not helpful, now he's being helpful. I know, we spent so much time with just them, we couldn't tell if they were great or people or not. in seven locations. A power loss if one of the terminals will allow the ship to leave. I don't think your voice can help me. I'm just going to lie. Whatever you say. I've been warned that bargain

for on this trip already. Be patient Luke. Stay and watch over the droids. They must be delivered safely or other star systems will suffer the same fate as Alderaan. Your destiny lies above the different paths you've climbed. Yes, that's famous. Even though he just learned how to use it. Yes.

The force will be with... Ooh, that door. That door shuts so fast I wonder why Chewbacca doesn't have subtitles I know. I swear I thought Yoda was like a way bigger part of this. Yeah, same. Hmm. I don't know. or does Han Solo end up with Princess Leia because like he's so against helping her

but I feel maybe she ends up with both of them out because he's so against helping her. But I feel maybe she ends up with both of them. Maybe she dips in, dips out. Triangle kind of. This movie does not pass the Bechdel test. Sure doesn't. Why did they put Chewie in handcuffs?

I think to be like, we captured something. Okay, okay. Dude, that's insane. Have you seen that news story about rats driving little cars? Wait, what? And they like it. Wait, what? They get happy. They teach these rats

how to drive these little cars. It looked just like that. And they're driving around this little area and their brains light up in a happy way. So funny. Yeah, it's really cute. Little rats driving cars. What is this

black thing? That one was hot. I can't get in there myself. I'm sorry. Oh, wow. Dude. Shit. They just start shooting them. Dude! Shit, they just start shooting them? What?

I really love how they react after they've been hit. Because their arms just kind of flail out and they spin around. Also, Chewbacca's doing nothing. Those are cells. Everything's normal. Everything's fine. Weapons, they fucked up. Whatever. We have to leave here now. This human is locked down. We're largely very dangerous.

Who is this? What's your operating number? Oh, she's sleeping. Mm-hmm. She heard nothing. Hmm. I thought that, too. Ooh, that was exciting.

Is there carpeting in that room? So Ben Kenobi is Obi-Wan Kenobi? That's what I don't get. He said, I haven't heard that name in a long time. Maybe he was talking about himself. No one's called me that in a long time. So Obi-Wan's like his nickname and Ben is his government name? Maybe.

What a wild nickname. Call me Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan's way better than Ben. Yeah, than Ben. Ben. So there's Ben. I hope Chewie doesn't die. I don't think he will. I said all systems have been at the present. The main entrance seems to be only made in or out or other information that is

restricted. Oh dear. Oh no. I really love these lasers because the lasers seem to be super low stakes until you get hit. Yes. Wow, she's a badass. Somebody has to save our skins. I love that Chewbacca immediately is like, I'm following her.

She has a plan. What, you smell? Dude, I cannot figure out the dynamic with them. No, me neither. He wants to protect him, but also disrespects him because he's basically an animal. wants to protect him but also like disrespects him because he's basically an animal

I guess it's like having a dog where you're like do this sit and then you're like I love you so much dude

he hates trash he's like too much trash. I love that Chewbacca's having a meltdown because he's near trash. You forget I already tried this, I didn't even see you. Put that thing away or you're going to get us all killed. Absolutely, your worship. Look, I didn't have any other control until you led us down here. You know, it's not going to take long to figure out what happened, boy. It's going to be worse.

It's worse. There's something alive in here. That's your imagination. Tony, you should coming back my leg. Ew! What? Do you think it's related to Jabba? No, because what's-his-name is friends with him.

Oh, ew. Oh! What the fuck? So an eyeball just fucking popped out of the... Ah! Well, goodbye, Luke Skywalker. The way everyone talks about these movies and, like, all the things that people

parody about them, that kind of stuff is never part of it. Correct. Like alien, like gooey, weird creatures. And that's a huge part of this movie. I've never known that that was a thing. I am truly dying at Chewbacca having a nervous breakdown. So Luke is dead.

Okay, he's not going to be dead, but how are they going to explain that he survived that? Who screams what happened at someone who just popped out of a drowning situation? What happened? How did you not drown? Give us answers. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. It's a trash compactor. Chewie was right. Mm-hmm. He's having a panic attack. He truly is. I have felt that way before. That's not gonna work.

Yeah. Ooh, he's so hot. He's like fucking R2D2. I'm hanging for the prison deck. If you hurry, you might catch them. Molly. Use stand guard. Come on. Go with it. All this excitement is everywhere on thewbacca here. Me too. He's not okay.

The room's literally closing in on him. 3PO! 3PO! Dude, answer the phone, dude. Answer the phone, dude. Okay, time. Now it's time for jokes. Thank goodness they haven't found them. Where could they be? You said come, David. Come by.

I forgot to pick you up. Are you a palestine? Read me out. Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine?

Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine?

Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine?

Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine?

Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine?

Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a palestine? Are you a Dude, it doesn't feel like they're getting out of this. Oh, boy. More Chewbacca. I love that Obi-Wan is just wandering around.

We've been watching this for almost two hours. I can't believe it. Oh, my God. He looks like an old professor. Okay, what is this? I don't know. Dangerous. When does Yoda come into play? Yeah, where's Yoda?

Maybe Yoda's not in this one. He's not in it. So we have something to look forward to. That's cool. Geez. Wow. He has a brain. I can't believe she's being so mean to him after watching him have a panic attack.

I know. She should have a little empathy. But I guess she's been, like, captured and, like, imprisoned. So she's got her own trauma. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What is he doing? Sneaking around. Oh, he just sent some force over to them and they looked that way.

So if he could just use the force to do all this shit, why can't he just make everything better? Yeah, I'm curious about where the force's abilities stop. I love that they're running away from him. Is he pretending he's crazy or something? Come on. He would have been dead by now. Right? The way everybody runs is pretty funny. I know.

Uh-oh. That was some good physical acting. I bought it. Oh. Oh, I think, like, I'm starting to think that we're not going to get to the Luke, I am your father line in this movie. Ah, no, probably not. Ooh!

Oh, boy. Honestly, these laser fights are exhausting. Because I'm like, I think it would be easy to kill somebody with these little lasers. It really feels like it would be. What? Whoa. What? And nobody thought to shoot them as they were doing that. Yeah, they were like, let them fly over.

Okay, so it was a kiss on the cheek. That's all we've gotten. A messy kiss on the cheek. Mm-mm. and they haven't shot them as they're this is insane oh he just made it through that little hole oh his hood's up. He ready to fight. Oh, and he is ready. Oh, shit.

Okay. Oh, is he going to die? He ready. But Obi-Wan could only... Is he going to die now? I think so. Something huge has to happen. I was but a learner, but now I'm the master. Oh, boy. oh boy no offense

but I really hope that the fight coordinator did not win an award for this this is so bad it looks so goofy with how they're moving this movie only really has a couple like big ideas goofy with how they're moving. This movie only really has a couple big ideas. And then everything else is just chasing and

writing. Oh my god, this sounds... Were those remastered? The lightsabers? I think so. Dude, you're giving ours... Okay. Are they just watching this? They're like, ooh, what's happening?

Ben? Ben? Whoa! Oh no! Why did he do that? Why did he do that? Did he just kill himself or did he just go somewhere else? Dude, that was crazy. That was insane.

He just disappeared. He just like chose to disappear. He looked right at him and like let it happen. I don't understand. Ben! Also, this poor kid has been through a lot. His parent, or his uncle and aunt just died yesterday. I know, I know. He just, like, he loves Ben.

He watched Ben die today. He almost got compacted in a trash compactor. got compacted in a trash compactor. Okay, so Ewoks are not in this, and that means I've also never seen this movie officially. Because I've only seen the one that has the Ewoks. They look like little teddy bears.

Oh. Oh boy. I gotta say, this movie's moving so slowly. Last time I looked at the clock, it was 140, and it's only 149. Oh my God. Okay, stay sharp. I'm going to go ahead and do it. Don't worry. We're all together. Maybe we won't again. I got it! I got it! Not a lot of dialogue in this film. No. It's a lot of action.

That was definitely remastered. That explosion was wild and there's too many colors. He's ridiculous that ship. I'm taking an awful risk, baby. This is better work. I bet they're right, son. You know, sometimes I am making myself. That doesn't sound too hard. They let us go.

The only explanation is easy. Call that easy. They're tracking us. Not this ship, sister. Not this ship, man. I'm not in it for you, princess. I expect to be well paid. I'm in it for the money. You worry about your money. Money is all that you love, and that's what you'll receive.

They're going to end up together, aren't they? Something's going to happen. That's quite a mercenary. I wonder if he really cares about anybody. Or anybody. All right. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I can. Luke is kind of goofy. He is.

I care. I care. Still. Still, I'm a spirit. What do you think? Do you think a princess and a guy like me? No. Hmm. What? Luke Skywalker's now wearing a poncho? This movie's exhausting.

I didn't even see it. Was he sad? Oh, he just had a low battery. Oh. Surely this movie will be over soon. I mean, does he have no legs? What am I looking at? Did you see that? I think he's standing in the back of a chair. But it did look like he had absolutely no legs.

What? But it did look like he had absolutely no legs. What? Now these are something, these outfits. I don't know. Are these Jedi's? I don't know. Mars, are these Jedi's?

I was going to say stormtroopers, but that already is what the white guys are. What are they? He says her name wrong? Yep. Definitely called her Princess Leah. That's just to show that he's never met her. Oh, she's right there. And she wasn't like Leah. It's just to show that he's never met her. Oh, she's right there. And she wasn't like, Leah. It's Leah.

She's like, it's fine. The target area is only two meters wide. It's a small thermal exhaust port right below the main board. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction, which should destroy the station. Only a precise hit will set off a chain reaction. Hmm. Hmm. That force again 30 minutes I hope this isn't in real time

do you think 30 minutes? I hope this isn't in real time. Do you think that we will end up liking... Nope. Because I hate this movie. But, like, what about, like... I know, I keep imagining, maybe after we get invested in the world and learn about it from other people, like, maybe we'll appreciate it in a different way.

Because I'm so bored, but I feel, like, guilty. Well, I liked some of the fight sequences. Yeah. will appreciate it in a different way. Because I'm so bored, but I feel like guilty. Well, I liked some of the fight sequences. Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay, but then it would go

right back to boring bullshit. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe we will like it. But people say episodes one, two, and three are bad.

That's the thing. And I'm like, if they're bad and i think this is bad they're gonna be like horrific i know because people have like warned me about certain ones that are very boring they've said the one two and three are not good four five and six are good is there a seven eight nine yes and then there's a 10 coming out at christmas or something no for what for who who wants it and then there's spinoff out at Christmas or something. No! For what? For who? Who wants it? And then there's spinoffs, right?

There's one with Donald Glover, and then there's one with... And then there's... Yes, with... Uh-oh. I can't remember his name. What? No, no, the one who plays young version of him alden and i know i should remember his name yeah all girls or no uh no oh wait not adam no no no no adam driver alden Adam Driver Alden Oh Elden Elden Rich Elden Rich

And then there is one With Adam Driver Or is that that one? Mm-hmm Or is it a different one? My God Too many people In this universe

Get out. Push pilot? Isn't that a deal at a network? Push pilot? I just got a push pod at NBC. You okay, R2? Good. Hold on, we need to get the tech on. Hang on tight, R2. You've got to come back. You wouldn't want my life to get boring, would you? Where's Harrison Ford? And Chewbacca?

I looked down for one second and I have no idea what's going on. Well, I think they have a plan to, like, go into the Death Star or whatever. And, like, blow it up. I think. But I don't know where Harrison Ford is I like the glasses I like them too I think I want a pair of yellow glasses

me too wait I just was reading about how they like help your mood there's all these different colors all the different color lenses do different things for your mood and yellow makes you happy I think it is like a positive one I'm gonna do it and then there's like other ones that make you calm

I want that too blue makes you calm i would assume yeah because i drove here with blue tinted lenses and i felt very calm and happy yeah i have a pair of pink tinted lenses and i love how it feels to wear them it does it does change the whole so they're probably feeling really happy right now. They're like, can't wait to get to the Death Star! Wait, whoa. Is the little dumpster just out? He doesn't have a little shield over him. What is this man?

Is that James Corden? He was remastered and put into... Is that James Gordon it would be very funny if they remastered it and then just put very famous people in these like tiny parts also is this his home planet how does he know these people I don't know. That song was almost familiar.

I can't with these lasers missing everything. The lasers have no ability to hit anything. We can't bring our ships over there, but they're so small they're making a lot of noise. We have to destroy them ship to ship. Get the crews to their families. I'm on it. I'm going in. I'm right with you I'm going in. Come on, people. I'm right up here. I can hold it. Hold on.

No. Go away. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yikes. Oh, no. James Corden went down. It's over.

Passed right away. He just, like, pops a chicklet out of his badge. Who said that? Was that his thoughts? Yeah. It was Obi-Wan. It was his thoughts. It was Obi-Wan. He was wearing his helmet to make it seem like.

I think he was like, that was my thought. It was right in my head. Trust your feelings. Oh, he can get it. He was very handsome. It was right in my head. Trust your feelings. Oh, you can get it. He was very handsome. He was cute. Oh, no. He passed right away too.

Oh my god. Darth Vader has like a calculator on his chest C-3PO I need more information like where did you come from why are you here see look he's just like in space yeah dude he's he is i think just a phone basically like he has no emotions purpose yeah Oh, so Darth Vader's out there in one of them little things? oh my god i want to walk into traffic i that's how i feel i'm like to end i just need it to get wrapped up like someone else important should die right

well they're killing off these people we just met. Three marks at 210. oh dang another one I've never had time move so slowly. I'm getting so sleepy. So am I, and I keep looking at the clock and watching the TV and being like, so many things have happened. Oh, two minutes have passed. Yeah.

Is this a hat he had on the whole time? I've seen the hat on somebody, but not that guy. Do you have a moment of time? I think you have that guy. What? Come on. I see him. Just get there, dude. This is like the longest. Lauren, they're doing this in real time. Oh my God, they said it was a 30 minute mission. I really think they're doing this in real time.

You're right, because they're counting down. This is awful. I can't hold them. I really think they're doing this in real time. You're right, because they're counting down. This is awful. It's over for you. What? I don't know I'm so upset Oh my God. You know what? Every time they show like the terrain, it looks like the inside of a computer. Yes.

And it makes it feel like it's, it doesn't matter. Yes. Cause it's not, it doesn't matter. Yes. Because it doesn't look like anything. Just like Beggar's Canyon back home. We've seen this before. Dude, they just keep replaying the same footage. Get to someone dying.

Is anyone going to die? Fill out this half hour. I don't think Luke Skywalker is going to die. I don't think Princess Leia is going to die. Yeah, I think these are correct assumptions. Pew, pew, pew, pew. and is he helping? who knows oh my god I want to just die

I don't want to I don't care I don't care how this ends I'm in. I can't do any more good back there. Sorry. I need to go. Stay off of me. Sorry, you're coming in distracted. I'm out.

R2-20, please respond. So now he's the only one left? so he's looking around like where's that coming from but he also knows yes but also is he actually dead because he right or is he just like right I'm going to use the force. Nothing. Wee. I'm having fun. I will figure it out myself. Who screamed? I think that little garbage can screamed r2 r2d2 Oh, he's back?

What? What? Ha ha! Ha ha! he's back what so he used the force to bring Han Solo I kind of bet nobody understood this in their first viewing. No. Like, everyone's like, whoa, space. God.

What a fucking nightmare. He's like, where are you? But honestly, Darth Vader just twirling around is pretty funny. It is. So what, he's going to go build another Death Star? Is this movie done yet? It has to be. Whee, you did it.

Look at C-3PO running. Now are they going to kiss they gonna kiss everyone just starts i need someone to kiss well yep that's what happens when you just leave a machine on the outside as you fly through space with lasers of course he's all crispy. Oh my God, Mars, how much more is left? How much? Okay. How many minutes?

Five minutes, great. Oh, I have to pee. What is this, like a knighting ceremony? These outfits. They look pretty cool. But what did they do? They saved her. I guess that's what it is. The Death Star's done.

She murdered a whole planet of other people. So I guess they're like knights now? And they're going to fuck later. Someone better. Yeah, nobody fucked in this movie. I know, I can't believe it. This isn't a movie oh so they get medals like they're in the olympics

wait he winked at her this is gonna be like a love triangle someone's gotta be feeling something oh they polish the gold dude up yeah they look really spiffy they do they look nice like oh shut up it's like nobody knows what he's saying. Oh, my God. This is the best part. It's a living nightmare.

This is the only part I've understood. I barely get it. Oh. It's over. Wow. I hate get it. Oh. Yay. Boo. It's over. Wow. I hate this movie. That was the one of the most exhausting experiences I've ever had. Gary, no thank you. George, get out of here.

No, no, no. Mark, Harrison, Carrie, did you read the script? You guys are great people. You're nice people, but this is bad. Peter, what were you doing? Oh, boy. Oh, Alec. Alec. Come on, Ale oh boy alec come on no better do better oh my god anthony kenny peter david jack eddie james oh what a nightmare now you can hear our thoughts on the next episode yeah we'll get into it with john

gemberling so he actually knows about this and maybe he can help us understand and i think he likes it i think he does like which is so crazy i need to know more about i can't wait to be like why is this a thing you like yes that was a hate gum podcast