Newcomers: Sports, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - Star Wars: Ep. VII - The Force Awakens (w/ Paul F. Tompkins)

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

We are in quarantine, but that won't stop us from podcasting! Paul F. Tompkins (Threedom, The Neighborhood Listen) joins us remotely to break down the first installment in the Star Wars sequel trilogy. We discuss the Kylo Ren backstory we wanted to see, all of the hot Star Wars daddies, and play Fuck, Marry, Kill with the Chewbacca family. Plus, Paul shares his experience meeting Harrison Ford, and we all talk about how self isolation is driving us crazy.Watch our reactions to The Force Awakens movie trailer:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TH1ZF0mhRrkSponsor:EveryPlate - Get 3 weeks of meals for only $2.99 per meal by going to EveryPlate.com and entering code newcomers3.Sources for this episode:The Force Awakens IMDBThe Force Awakens MetacriticThe Hollywood Reporter ReviewThe Guardian ReviewRoger Ebert ReviewSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. There are stories about what happened. It's true. All of it. The dark side. A Jedi. The real. The real. The Force.

It's calling to you. Just let it in. Oh, wow. This is another episode of Newcomers, and it's me, Nicole Byer. And I'm Lauren Lapkus. And we're watching Star Wars for the first time and we're all recording from our own homes at this time due to the coronavirus. Yes it's Tuesday March 17th the world is wild. Truly I mean how are you doing in your home, Nicole? How's it going? It's going well. Yesterday I had to take a nap because I couldn't stop eating.

And I don't want to go back to the grocery store yet. Yes, I fully understand that. I have been trying to not eat because I don't want to eat all my good stuff. And so I've decided that I only eat when I'm hungry now, which is interesting. See, that's smart. I could not do that yesterday. I woke up and I was like, huh, better make some nachos, which is an insane thing to eat in the morning. But I did. And then I was like, well, I better eat some popcorn, ate some popcorn. It was too much. Yeah. Ooh, but like before we get into the movie that we are, that we watched,

we have a Hoth-Goth segment. So people have been tweeting stuff at me about the movies. This person tweeted at me, Darth finds out his kids are alive after A New Hope when Boba Fett tracks down the person who blew up the Death Star.

And it's in the comics. So I would never have figured that out. Huh. OK. Personally, I didn't understand what you said. Oh, so that was great. And yeah, so great. Yeah. OK. That's that's the Hoth gossip today. I think the other Hoth gossip is just that we have COVID-19 ruining our lives. And we also did a trailer reaction video for The Force Awakens. Since people were doing that when this movie was coming out, they were making reaction videos to the trailer. And we decided to make our own based on, I believe, Sean Diston suggested that we do that yes that's a great idea there is a link yes there's a link to the video in

this description of this podcast so check that out we have a great guest today our guest is a comedian writer host of freedom he's a host Neighborhood Listen. He also voices Flanks in Star Wars Resistance. It's Paul F. Tompkins. Hi. I wish I could see you guys. No, you don't. Paul, how are you? I'm well, but this is very strange and weird. Why do you say that, Lauren? Well, I look like travel Lauren and you've seen enough of that. I feel like I've seen travel Lauren more than regular Lauren. Well, I look like travel Lauren and you've seen enough of that. I feel like I've seen travel Lauren more than regular Lauren. What does travel Lauren look like? Nicole, it's like workout pants, big sweatshirt glasses. I don't know my glasses right now because I'm long story. It's not a long story, but

you know, my hair's in a braid. I feel like the thing is that the glasses is like, I have really poor vision. And so when I wear my glasses, my brain has to like adjust to a different type of vision than my contact lenses. And so it's really, um, I get headaches really easily from switching back and forth between them. So today I'm doing contacts. Fair enough. Fair enough. Fair. Anybody else have glasses on? I have glasses on right now. I just. I have glasses on right now.

Wow. Look at us. Three little people who cannot see. So all of you, you guys have been just like cooped up at home. All right. Well, we watched. Yeah. We watched. I don't.

Oh, wait. What did you say? We were. Are we at home? I think something to the audience. What did you say we were are we at home i think it's something to the audience what did you say no i was just saying so are you guys i just said are you guys cooped up at home yeah it's great it's so hard to to not look at your guys's faces wait can you see us i know i think that i you're saying because you can't see us i thought for some reason nicole had access to video that we did not have yeah i was like oh paul i'm in your house currently

that's a violation sorry Sorry. Social distancing. Okay. I interrupt you, Lauren. We watched. What did we watch? Today we watched. Today. I watched it two weeks ago. We've had a lot of rescheduling and then this happened. So but we watch. We're going to be discussing Star

Wars Episode 7. The Force Awakens. Is that right? Episode VII? That's correct. Yeah. Yep. Episode VII. It was released December 18th, 2015.

J.J. Abrams was at the helm. He wrote it with Lawrence Kardashian. Nope. Cash Dan. And Michael Arnott. Oh, boy. We have a full plot we need to go into because this movie, I enjoyed it. I really did.

I thought there was a lot to follow in this movie in a way that was easier for me than others. But the story still is very intense and layered. So shall I walk you through a little bit of the first part? We can talk about it. And Paul, before we start, can you tell us a little bit of the first part? We can talk about it. And Paul, before we start, can you tell us a little bit about your history with Star Wars and like your feelings about watching this movie again? Yes. Like Andy Daly, I grew up seeing these movies in the theaters. Star Wars, when it, when it, the original Star Wars, when it came out, New Hope, was a huge, huge deal for me

as it was for all my little children buddies. And I've been a big fan of the franchise. I feel like as much as it has meant to me though, I, I don't get as attached to it as some people do. I think that I'm, I'm, I'm more forgiving more forgiving. I did not like the prequels when they came out and I didn't even watch Revenge of the Sith in the theater. But I revisited them all recently as a result of you guys doing this podcast. It was much more forgiving of them upon viewing them, but also understanding why I didn't like them as much. Like I had a better understanding of why they didn't work for me, which I think has a lot to do with the, with the performances, which has to do with the direction. And I feel like the, the, the actors

in the movie, in the prequels were done a disservice by the direction. Because we've seen pretty much all of these people in other movies doing better acting than this. And it really goes to show how important a director is in the process of film, no matter how good the actors are. And I think that one of the things about Star Wars is that you can buy a lot more of what's happening if the people in it seem to be connected and committed and alive in the movie. Okay, that makes sense. I agree. I mean, I think we've, with the previous films,

we've struggled a lot with the acting. Yes. Specifically, Hayden Christensen. We kind of went off on his ass. Yeah. But I do feel like this one, I was into a lot of the people. I don't know. I was like kind of able.

Part of it is that it looked so beautiful. Yeah. And I feel like I've been kind of angry at the look of things. I think everyone's good in this movie. I thought I really enjoyed the performances, especially the people that I had not seen before. Yeah, yeah. It was kind of nice too

because I wasn't totally familiar with everyone. I was familiar with no one except for Princess Leia. I was like, oh, I know her. And then Luke Skywalker at the end where he's just on a mountain mountain just waiting that was weird for me but um I liked Poe I liked I call him Clucklo Red but I like Kylo Kylo was good uh Homegirl who's like the lead of the movie she was a little boring for me oh right yeah I agree I feel like I feel like there wasn't enough going on with her, but I did like, I liked watching her enough that it worked for me. I mean, we had like such a rough time with Hayden Christensen that like, I feel like everything is a step up.

Yeah, I, yeah, truly everything. I am a big fan of the character of Ray. I loved her right away. And I think that it is a tribute to her as an actor because she's not given a whole lot. Like one of the things that that bugs me about this movie, although I when I first saw it, it was very exciting. I really enjoyed it. I saw it like opening night or something at the Chinese theater. And then I went a few weeks later. Who did you go with? I went with Matt Gourley and James Bladen from Super Ego. And we're all big Star Wars fans and we really enjoyed it. And then as it sort of receded in my memory, there were things about it that i that i didn't like it it did that thing where a lot where they if they do a new version of a franchise or or add something to it years later where they just try to reinterpret the original roles and then make it like now she's him and he's her you know what i mean like they just take like the ideas of the original roles and then just like mix them around.

And it felt very fan servicey in that way to me. But then when I rewatched it recently, I liked it a lot more than I remembered liking it. I thought it was fun. And I liked, what's his name? Finn. I liked Finn and Rey together. But I think you're right. I think maybe why I didn't like Rey is because she didn't have enough to do.

think you're right i think maybe why i didn't like ray is because she didn't have enough to do and she was just kind of like like i don't know just whimpering around and waiting on jakku for whoever but i liked her when she was held captive by cluck low and she was like take me out of these restraints and i was like oh that's pretty badass and then i was like oh she got the force and then that made me excited what about when she rescued little BB-8 when he was trapped in the desert? Well, OK, yes, we should start with a little bit with the plot, set things up a little bit. Let's set the scene. Let's talk about BB-8. I'm going to I'm going to read a little bit of this plot and and we'll talk about it. OK. 30 years after the Galactic Civil War, the First Order has risen from the fallen Galactic Empire and seeks to eliminate the New Republic.

The Resistance, backed by the Republic and led by General Leia Organa, opposes the First Order. Leia searches for her brother, Luke Skywalker, who has gone missing. That's Leia's last name? Yeah. I guess. She took the name of her adoptive father, Bail Organa. Oh, okay. On the desert planet Jakku, resistance pilot Poe Dameron receives a map to Luke's location from Lor San Tekka.

Stormtroopers commanded by Kylo Ren raid the village and capture Poe while Kylo kills San Tekka. Poe's droid BB-8 escapes with the map and encounters a scavenger named Rey. Kylo tortures Poe using the Force and learnsid BB-8 escapes with the map and encounters a scavenger named Ray. Kylo tortures Poe using the Force and learns of BB-8. Okay, now let's talk about BB-8. Now BB-8 rolled into the scene and I will tell you, I thought he was cute.

BB-8 is a star. I love him. He's adorable. The first time I ever, I saw like two seconds of him in the first preview trailer of this movie and I was like, He's adorable. The first time I ever, I saw like two seconds of him in the first preview trailer of this movie and I was like, who's that? I love him.

He is the absolute best. Yeah, I also thought his name was BB8 Ball. Tons of personality. He's got a crack lighter. Yeah. Yeah, that was weird. He has a crack lighter from his BB8 Ball? Yeah, remember he does like a thumbs up.

And everyone does crack off him. That part was weird. It's implied. It's totally implied by everyone's behavior. So Kylo tortures Poe using the force and learns of BB-8. Stormtrooper FN-2187, disillusioned by the First Order, frees Poe, and they escape in a stolen TIE fighter.

So that is, that is that guy, what's his name? Oh, Oscar Isaac. Oscar, yeah. So they're flying together,

and he names, he learns that FN-2187 has no name, so he names him Finn. This is so hard. The timing on this, this will be the most horrible podcast. Okay, here's what I think we should do. I'm going to read a little more and then everyone can talk amongst ourselves here, okay?

So he names him Finn and then they head to Jakku to retrieve BB-8. They're shot down by a First Order Star Destroyer and Crashland. Finn survives and assumes that Poe died in the crash. He encounters Rey and BB-8. They're shot down by a First Order Star Destroyer and crash land. Finn survives and assumes that Poe died in the crash. He encounters Rey and BB-8, but the First Order tracks them and launches an airstrike. Rey, Finn, and BB-8 steal the Millennium Falcon

and escape the planet. They did a good job. Yeah, that's a very good review or overview. But when, okay, when that thing crashed and then Poe got all swallowed up and then Finn was just like, oh, I guess my friend is now in the sand

and then he just left. I was like, you should have tried a little harder to see if he was dead or not. He didn't even look once. He didn't even glance. He was just like, well, that's that. No, he just took his jacket. He took his jacket and moved on to be fair when that tie fighter got swallowed up by the sand it looked pretty definitive i guess it did

man's jacket i think it's a good jacket yeah it was pretty cruel i would have left the jacket i would be like my friend is dead the jacket looked really good on him though it did it fit like a glove it fit perfectly and I have questions about that. Same. How did it fit so perfectly? They're different sized men. But Finn was a stormtrooper. How did like when did he I don't get

how he like left the first order which is truly real Nazi like but like how did he like become like I don't get it. Like, did he just wake up one day and he said, I'm a good boy? Yeah. I didn't really understand that either. It felt like he decided he wasn't, he didn't believe in what they were talking about and he was going to like do his own thing, but why? Yeah.

And then Kylo felt it. Yeah. He felt it. He was like, wait, somebody, somebody thinks this is not cool. Yeah, he felt it. He was like, wait, somebody thinks this is not cool. The question for me was, okay, if he is, from what I understood before, was like the Stormtroopers sort of evolved out of the clones, right? From the prequels? Yes. That's what I kind of put together.

So then how come he's not a clone? And why is he the only person in the entirety of this empire who's like, you know what? I don't agree with this. Everyone else is totally fine to shoot into innocent people and kill them. And then he's the one guy who's like, this is like, what was that? Was that the line? And was there other stuff that they were doing where he was like, no, this is fine. I agree with this. But like politically, I'm fine with doing this.

You know, it brings up all these questions that we're also being told are never going to be answered because, you know, there's going to be two more movies and then it's going to be over. I mean, those are very good questions. Totally. Now, wait, were you shocked when Han Solo appeared? No, I knew he was going to be in it. Oh, you did?

I didn't think he was going to be there. I was shocked. Oh, yeah. There were trailers that had him in it. I was surprised. Ron, that's so great. Maybe we saw that and we forgot. I wish I'd had that experience.

That's fucking awesome. I gasped. He was on my screen. What a huge reveal. He was on my screen and I truly was like, oh, it's Han Solo. You guys are so lucky. I had the exact same thing. I was like, this is so awesome.

Chewbacca's back. Yes, I was also like Chewbacca. And then I was like, oh, I don't think Harrison Ford wanted to be in this movie well do you know what's really insane and I still I have the worst memory I think because Mike when this movie came out Mike made a t-shirt

that said Han Solo dies just to like fuck with people as he walked around town as he walked around town but he was always like afraid he like never wanted to like actually take his sweatshirt off or whatever because people got like upset about it because it's like a spoiler but i still knew that and didn't remember that and then when he then he goes oh it's like my t-shirt i go he's gonna die and he's like oh come on so i really just don't retain anything

when he died i was truly shook i was like this franchise does not give one shit about killing off the people you like it was genuinely um uh startling me. I don't think I knew beforehand and to actually, even if I did though, I think to actually see it was really, uh, uh, you know, as somebody who's been watching these movies since I was literally a child, it was crazy to see that happen. Um, and, and really kind of upsetting, but I, I got that. But then of of course instantly there's like the business side of it where i'm sure harrison for was like i'll do i'll do one i'm not gonna do three more i'll do this if you kill me i'll do one if you kill me in it yeah make me die some fan asked him if he would come back as a as a han solo ghost and now I get why I did not understand that I was like why would he be a ghost

but now I get it because he did this is like not as important as that but what did you guys think about the guy who was like one quarter portion wait what wait what

oh giving her like the portions of the shit? The guy who was trying to buy BB-8? Yes. I thought he was evil. He was literally insane. You're talking about Unkar Plutt, of course. What's his name? Yes.

Unkar Plutt. Oh, how could I forget Unkar Plutt? Exactly. And you know who played him? Now, what was he? And they were being fed like little goo balls. What? Simon Pegg played Unkar Plutt. Oh.

I forgot that when I was re-watching it. I had the same thought I had when I saw it the first time, which was I thought it was Mr. Carson from Downton Abbey. And I was relieved that my wife thought the same, thought the same thing because she was, she was wandering through the room when I was rewatching it. She said,

is that Carson from Downton Abbey? Um, so I think they missed a real opportunity to put him in there. I did not like Unkar Plutt. I thought he was very, very mean, but you know who I liked? New Yoda, I thought he was very, very mean, but you know who I liked? New Yoda, Maskatana, or Maskanata. Maskanata? I like, oh my God, yeah. I was like, that character, I was like, that's who I would play in this movie.

Yeah, I think you're fully right. He's like a little, little, little rat with glasses. I was like, yep, that's me. I love it. I also got to say, there were some real hot daddies in this movie. Oscar Isaac. You got Adam from Girls. You got Finn. Ooh, wee.

And then General Hux. Okay, I know. I know he's evil, but like, give it to me, daddy. General Hux. Wait, literally, Nicole, Donald Gleeson is my crush. My celebrity crush. So when he appeared, are you serious? Yes, I'm obsessed with him.

He is my crush. Oh my God, I'm so excited. Okay, so when he appeared in this movie, I was like, oh no, he looks ugly. I don't like his hair. Yeah, I didn't like his hair. I didn't like the way he held his mouth, but I was like, I still forgive you. I love you.

No, and I was like, you're still the hottest. I did not recognize him at first when I saw this movie. And I think when I rewatched it, I think he's parting his hair on a different side to play this one character. Oh, interesting. I think he is because I didn't recognize him right away either. And then I got excited when I did. I had to IMDB it because I was like, is that my Dom Hall?

And then it was. Yes. Have you seen The Kitchen, Lauren? No. Okay, just watch it for him. He plays a sociopath and it's so hot. Wow. Oh, okay. Well, I got time. I love him. He plays a sociopath and it's so hot. Wow. Ooh, okay.

Well, I got time. I love him. This is the first time I've seen him play a bad guy that I can recall. So I'll check out this kitchen. Well, wait, Nicole, have you seen About Time? Of course, a hundred times. I love him in it. He's so sweet, so kind.

And all I want to be is Rachel McAdams. Same. Where like a man just goes back in time to fall in love with me it's so magical i'm now just looking at pictures of him on my computer he's the best you're right his hair is parted on the different side if i think about him yeah i think so start thinking about him i'm thinking about him now and i like a left part oh and nicole i want to tell you how to pronounce his name because someone corrected me because i talked about him on a podcast on freedom probably and they're like if you're if he's your crush you don't even know how to say his name okay it's donald like donald with no d oh whoops i've been saying it wrong for a very long time i've been saying dom nol oh i call him dom hall which and now i'm looking at it very

stupid i switched the h and the n so it's donald i feel like anybody can be forgiven for mispronouncing his name here because uh you know we don't we don't live in Ireland. And he's literally the only famous person with that name that I can point to. Mm hmm. Right. And they don't say movie credits out loud. Do you know what I mean? They don't.

They should. They should at the end. They should like a like a curtain call they did it in the end of the bad seed i think the bad seed yeah man don't judge it well he's not officially married so i have a chance oh nicole you gotta get in oh yeah get him you gotta get in okay if anyone has connections to him tell him i'm here i'm here i'm in my house. I'm quarantined. He can come on over.

Okay, I guess we should talk more about this movie. Do you want to read the next part of the thing? Yes. Okay. So then, the Falcon is discovered and boarded by Han Solo and Chewbacca. Gangs

seeking to settle debts with han han's attack and then the group escapes on the falcon in a very exciting little chase scene and i really liked it okay so at the first order star killer base the planet converted into a super if I may it is Snoke it's not Snoke oh fuck I did not like that dying thing I hated him and then Snook is better than Snork

Snook Snork yeah from Jersey Shore Snook Snork Snookie allows General Hux to use the weapon for the first time Snookie questions Kylo's ability to allows General Hux to use the weapon for the first time. Snooki questions Kylo's ability to deal with emotion relating to his father, Han Solo, who Kylo states means nothing to him. Every interaction between Snooki and everybody is so, like, who is him?

Who is him? This is the thing. Who is him this is the thing who is him it's like he's he's essentially the new emperor and and this is where this is the kind of thing that bugs me is that they made up this character to just serve that exact purpose we've never heard of this person they don't really give him any backstory he's just this dude who is just like the emperor now and i don't get why it's just it's just a a weird side by side you know version of the original star wars to have this character in there and it bothered me like i it and it's also it also bothered me that it's it's a completely CGI character. It's not an act. You know, it's Andy Serkis is playing the role, but it's a it's another cartoon guy.

He is. Yeah. He can do it all, baby. He's always. Now, he has been someone I've mentioned this somewhere before, for sure. But he's so interesting to me because I only know him from 13 going on 30. Right. He's like the boss. Right.

And then I found out that he does all these insane characters, and I was so intrigued by that. Yeah, he's had a very interesting career. I don't think I know who this person is. He was the bad guy in Black Panther. So he plays King Kong. He's like Gollum. Oh, okay. He was Gollum.

Yes, he's great. He was in all the Planet of the Apes movies. Yeah, wow. What an illustrious career. It's crazy because apparently he's very good with his body. Oh, yeah. I wish people said that about me. Oh, I think they do.

The word is out, Nicole. On that note, we have to take a break. We'll be back with more Paul F. Tompkins after this. And wow, we're back from that break. What a treat. Did everyone have a treat? That was a great break. Did you have a quarantine treat during the break?

A little quarantine. I had a little quarantini, which is vodka and emergency. I had quarantoni, which is some pasta. I had quarantini, which is vodka and emergency. I had Quarantoni which is some pasta. I had Quarantini which is little teeny tiny miniature snacks. Oh wait, you already said teeny.

I had Quarantini which is Looney Tunes. Alright, fuck it. Alright, fine. We all did so well. Alright, fine. I think I've gotten dumber in the four days i've been alone oh i fully agree i'm i don't even know what anything is anymore i'm like what's happening

um okay so aboard the falcon hans determines that bb8 ball's map is incomplete he then explains that luke attempted to rebuild the Jedi Order but exiled himself when Apprentice turned to the dark side, destroyed the temple, and slaughtered the other Apprentices. That's so fucked up. The crew travels to the planet Takoda and meets with Katina owner Maz Katanta, who offers assistance in getting BB-8 Ball to the Resistance.

Rey is drawn to the Force to a secluded vault where she finds a lightsaber that once belonged to Luke and his father, Anakin Skywalker. She's got a whole bunch of disturbing visions, and then she flees into the woods, confused and terrified. Maz gives Finn the lightsaber for safekeeping. The whole, like, the vision thing, that was, like, like the vision thing that was like very intense and i was like what the fuck happening and then i was like is ray luke's daughter did luke have kids yeah i was so confused by this and scared and um my notes uh were that this was a nightmare land and she opens that box like when she this is this is a nightmare land make a note of this nightmare land so that was very uh intense and yes so the lightsaber is calling to

her and so i had a lot of questions i was wondering what's happening why does it mean something to her what's her connection but we still don't know she's okay so she this is when she goes to the the woods right and she encounters oh no it's something else happens before that but so she ends up encountering um adam driver who doesn't look like a combination of hans and leia like this casting was wild. I was like, Stu, these white people had a Jewish kid? But he does look like Darth Vader under the head. Do you know what I mean? Yes. It's like his head looks like a Darth Vader head.

Can I ask you to expand on that? Okay, so I will. So you see how his hair is like a black outline and looks like a helmet in the picture we're giving? Oh, I see. Okay. All right. He looks like the shape of a Darth Vader head. And then his eyes, you know.

Maybe that's what casting was going for. They were like, we want him to look like he's wearing the helmet when it's off. Just a suggestion of the helmet. Yeah. But also, why does he wear the helmet? His face isn't chewed up bubble gum. He's got no, like, nothing's wrong with his face i guess it's just of the the worship of darth vader because he keeps the old messed up mask in his room so you can look at it which is so wild yeah

it's his grandpa grandpa imagine worshiping your grandpa like that My grandpa's mean What the fuck My grandpa's mean to me My grandfathers both died Before I was born and I have no Frame of reference for them at all I mean same with Kylo Right I don't have my grandpa's old hat or something

That I keep on a little altar But you could You could start that. But you know what, Nicole? Like having just watched the holiday special, I feel like every time I see Chewie now, I'm like, oh, he's got a whole family. He's got a dad.

Yes. So, and then like him, like him watching Han Solo die, I was like, this is really traumatic for Chewie. That's his best friend. It was so fun to have him. Don't you feel like he bounced back really traumatic for Chewie. That's his best friend. It was so fun to him. Don't you feel like he bounced back really quickly, I felt.

He did bounce back quick, but all I could think about was like, he's going to have to go home and tell his family about this. Like, they love Hans too. He like goes off with Hans. He almost missed life day

because he was out with Hans. So like, he's going to go back and tell Itchy and the others that Hans is dead. Love me. Maybe they'll be glad. Someone? Oh, because they'll be home more? This guy like took

he took you away from us. I can't be upset that he's gone. I understand he's your friend and you have to grieve, but I'm not going to grieve for your friend Hans Solo. You might be right. Who knows? We can't understand them.

Really quickly. Yeah, it's true. I want to do a fuck, marry, kill that somebody sent me on Twitter with Lumpy, Chewbacca, and Itchy. Lumpy's the kid, Chewbacca's Chewbacca, and Itchy is the dad. Okay.

Fuck, marry, kill. Well, I'm going to fuck Chewbacca. I'm going to kill Itchy and I'm going to marry Lumpy because he's underage and I don't want to kill him or fuck him. Oh, wow. I kind of went the wrong way with mine then. The wrong way. Oh, no. I've made a moral mistake.

Okay. What's yours? okay what's yours well mine is fuck chewbacca because it seems like the most sexual and then mary um wait no maybe i said mary chewbacca no that's what i said mary chewbacca fuck lumpy kill itchy okay yeah i think that i think it's okay i think it's fine because it's all hypothetical what about you paul well i mean do you want us to put mala no come on his wife what if i were that uptight put a girl one in i don't want people to think I'm gay. Just because I'll fuck Lumpy. I think Lumpy is the kid, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I guess I have to marry Lumpy. And we would have a sexless marriage. I would i would fuck chewbacca and i would kill itchy yeah we're all gonna kill itchy fuck itchy itchy's an abusive grandfather he's terrible if if i if it were a slightly different if lumpy were older i would marry chewbacca because i love him same same i agree he's a good he's a good he's a good I was going to say he's a good person. He's a good being.

He's a good soul. Yes I think so. Yeah. Loyal. Wonderful. Tall. He's got all his hair. He's got more than we need. I wonder if Chewbacca would let me like use some of his hair for my

like weaves. That would be gorgeous. What do you think he would donate to Locks of Love? Like just naturally, like if you brushed him out, would there be enough hair to donate? Absolutely. At least for like a child size wig. He could do a lot of good.

I agree. Do you think he smells bad when he gets wet yeah he probably smells like a dog right what if he smells better huh who knows what if he smells good what if he has a natural perfume that emits yeah water hits him he starts smelling like a real bouquet we don't know yet. We have no clue. And we'll never know. We have to take a break. No, we don't.

We have to take a break. Okay. Okay. So where, where are we in this? So we're at the star killer base destroys the New Republic and its fleet. The First Order attacks Takoda in search of BB-8 Ball, Hans, and Chewbacca. And Finn, they're saved by the Resistance X-Wing fighters

led by Poe, who survived the crash. And I was very excited about that. So Leia arrives at Takonda with C-3PO and reunites with Hans. And they have been like on the rocks. It was like really tense when they saw each other. Meanwhile, right? I was like, oh my God, what on earth happened?

But anyway, meanwhile. And then that's when we realized that they're Kylo's dad, right? Or maybe I was supposed to know that before. I think that's kind of where you figure it out. I didn't know before. Me neither. But that's kind of where you figure it out. I didn't know before. Me neither. But I think that's where you figure it out. So then Kylo captures Rey,

takes her to Starkiller base, and then she resists his mind reading attempts. And then Snooki orders Kylo to bring Rey to him. And then discovering she could use the force, Rey escapes using a Jedi mind trick on the guard, which I thought was pretty badass. Yeah, that was a really yeah that was a really that was a really it was for me it was like that was a very cool moment but it was also how does she know to do this do you know what i mean um like she like the idea of

because we're we've established we're living in the in in the future that's past. We've gone past the original trilogy of movies. So this is, this is, you know, 20 years, whatever, 30 years after that. So people don't even, people have forgotten so much of, of what happened. They forgot, they don't know if, if Luke Skywalker is a real person, like the force is like maybe a thing that not people, people aren't even aware of anymore so it did seem like i guess we're supposed to believe this is just innate in her she just it's just in there you know because she's she's born a jedi or whatever um but it it i don't know there there was a lot of stuff like that in this movie that I think this movie was really entertaining and fun,

but there were a lot of logic things with it. If you already know the story where you're saying what's going, I don't understand why this is this. I feel like you're doing a shortcut because you know that I know about this stuff. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I wonder why they didn't start the movie with like Kylo rebelling and

becoming Kylo because i was like that's interesting to see him rebel against uh luke and then we could figure out like right maybe him rebelling against luke caused a rift between hans and leia uh yeah like that whole backstory i was like that's more that's interesting that would have been really cool to see here's the problem though is that this movie is is is the first star wars movie after uh revenge of the sith where we saw that happen so i think they realized well we can't we can't just have this same story back to back so we'll just we'll just allude to it the exact same story but if we show it that'll be too obvious that makes sense okay so at the resistance base on dakar dakar dakar dakar bb8 finds r2d2 who has been inactive since luke's disappearance as star killer base prepares to fire once more the resistance devises

a plan to destroy it by attacking the main facility. Using the Falcon, Han, Chewbacca, and Finn infiltrate the facility, find Rey, and plant explosives. Han confronts Kylo and implores him to abandon the dark side. Kylo seems to consider this, but ultimately refuses and kills his father. This scene was insane. Truly.

I hated it. It was very intense. It was very intense. Devastated, Chewbacca shoots Kylo and sets off the explosives, allowing Poe to attack and destroy the base's thermal oscillator. I was truly like blown away that he killed him. It was insane. Well, when he like grabbed that lightsaber, I was like, oh, Hans, this is a trap. You better turn around.

You better walk away. That might be your son, but I think he's gonna kill you. And then when he killed him, I was like, I was right. I was so upset and then he fell down and i was like so we're never gonna recover his body he's never gonna get a proper funeral oh boy i was very upset i know i hated that i hated that he didn't get to get like a proper burial or anything yeah he just falls into a big void yeah but i guess that was just so like, maybe he'll come back. But probably not. He got a lightsaber right through the middle of his body.

Yeah. It was, there was no mistaking what was happening. Yeah. He real dead. How did you feel about R2-D2 with a tarp on him? Oh, I didn't like that,

but I was so happy when he popped back to life i know but i like that he was yeah he shut down because luke leaves and they're like i don't know i'll just put a tarp over him like in case we want to do stuff around here we don't get him dirty or it is like what i had to do with my furby when um i wanted to stop talking i put you had to like put it in a bag so it'd go to sleep and then I threw it in my closet god that's they kept talking man no matter what they had a whole life that sounds terrifying my Furby wouldn't stop talking it's truly a horror movie it was terrifying and they'd be like like in your closet like no did they say did Furby say words or they just said nonsense talk i think it was furbish i think

they said full words oh they spoke furbish i'm sorry forgive me i didn't mean to diminish an entire culture okay so then the injured kylo pursues Finn and Rey into the woods. Finn fights Kylo with the lightsaber to protect Rey before Kylo knocks him unconscious. Rey takes the lightsaber and channels the force to defeat Kylo in a duel. I was like, how does she know how to use this? Anyway, they are then separated by a fissure as the planet's surface begins to splinter. That was cool. That was very cool.

Yeah. I was a little confused. I was like, wait a minute. Did Kylo go down into the abyss? But then but then i was like oh no he's on the other side then snooki orders hux to evacuate and bring kylo to him to complete his training which is like very ominous i was like what the fuck does that mean to complete he's already very bad anyway yeah bad. Anyway. Mm-hmm. Chewbacca rescues Rey and unconscious Flynn and they escape aboard the Falcon. As the

resistance forces flee, Starkiller base implodes on Dakar, Leia, Rey, and Chewbacca. Morin Han's death. R2-D2 awakens and reveals the rest of the map, which Rey uses to find the oceanic planet Achoo-too in the Falcon.

uses to find the oceanic planet achoo too in the falcon i saw that word coming and i was like how is she gonna say it better than i could have imagined how do you say it i don't know. Where is it? Let me find it. How is it spelled? Achto. A-H-C-H-T-O. A-H-C-H. Yeah, Achutu. Yeah. Achutu. Achutu.

Achutu. And then this last scene is so wild on Achutu, where it's just like her handing him the lightsaber him turning around and just staring at her she never puts her arm down and then they do a pan and like a drone like around them with her arm

just out and I was like the next movie better pick up with her arms still out and saying words yes now have you watched the next movie no not yet. No. All right. Well, you will see. You'll see what happens. Okay. I'm excited. But that is a long

time to be holding your arm out while with something presumably that has some weight to it. Yeah, these handles are probably pretty heavy. Oh, yeah. I really liked that ending, though. I thought that was exciting that, like, that moment was happening. It was kind of cool to see mark harman and have that moment with him who's mark harman from summer school i think he was going to saint elsewhere i forget yeah i think

he was on saint elsewhere and now he's on uh like navy ncis or some shit yeah whatever all right so whatever here's some trivia okay about this movie george lucas while maintaining that he was at peace relinquishing his material admitted to having mixed feelings before seeing the film likening the experience to attending an ex-wife's wedding. I get that. Me too. Yeah. Also, Daniel Craig happened to be in the Pinewood lot preparing for that James Bond movie. I can't say that.

What is that? Spectre? Spectre. And Abrams heard he was a big Star Wars fan, so he offered him a role of a stormtrooper. What a get. That stormtrooper's name is FN-007. Ew.

Oh, I get it. Oh, come on. I get it. What fun they have. But did he, like, show up and, like, be a stormtrooper? He was the one that Rey uses the Jedi mind trick on to get to release him. Oh, so it was truly just

a one-day shoot. Yeah. Okay. Rey's outfit is inspired by early drawings from Star Wars concept artist Ralph McQuarrie for Luke Skywalker at a point when he and George Lucas were playing with the idea of making Luke a woman. Oh. I've never heard that before.

That's cool. That's interesting. When Finn asks Ray of Hans if he is the Hans Solo, he replies, I used to be, which is a reply Ford himself regularly uses when fans ask him if he's Harrison Ford. Oh, my God. I love how weird he is. Me too.

He's awesome. I've loved him forever. I've loved him forever. I got to meet him one time after doing, after doing there, there was something called the young Hollywood awards that do you remember movie line magazine? Yes. It was like movie line magazine and AMC when AMC was a brand new thing. Um, and they did something called the young Hollywood awards. And I had to do like a little comedic, um, uh, bit like a little speech or whatever. And when I left, I was walking outside and, um, in the lobby, Harrison Ford was just standing

there waiting for, uh, Calista Flockhart to get out of the bathroom or whatever. He just was like some dude standing there. And, um, I never, ever do this. And I went up to him and I said, Hey, I just want to tell you that I'm a, a, a huge fan. And I always have been. And he, I was so scared because I thought there's no way he's going to be nice. And he'll, this is like a guy who will say, well, you fuck off. I'm waiting for my wife. Um, and he got this big smile on his face and he shook my hand. I said, Hey, you're really funny. And I almost, I almost fainted. It was so exciting. It was the best possible way it could have gone. What a treat. That's really good. I'm so glad to know that he's not an asshole. Yeah. I think he's just like, likes being a dick sometimes. Yeah. I think it's fun for him.

I think he likes to get high and be a jerk for fun because i mean there are enough people talking to him all the time like you're gonna have times where you just want to fuck with people and just go like uh yeah go to hell i think he also knows like people will take it from me oh yeah yeah because he's like they won't be mad they'll kind of think it's funny yeah harrison ford could spit in my face and I'd be fine with it. I'd love it if that happened just for the story. Yeah, right? For you, not to me.

Harrison Ford spit in my face. Harrison Ford slit my throat. It was so awesome. It was J.J. Abrams' idea to give bb8 this name because he thought he looks like a b and an eight i don't think he looks like a b he doesn't look like a b i don't know like like the insect maybe like the insect oh oh baby he looks like an like i thought it was bb8 ball because it was like a ball. An eight ball literally is like related to drugs. It is.

And also to pool. Let's not forget this. No, eight ball. Probably the most famous association. No, Paul. An eight ball is drugs. Don't forget, the eight ball is black magic. It predicts the future.

Mark Hamill claimed George Lucas nonchalantly told him over lunch a new Star Wars trilogy was going to be made by Disney, and if he did not want to be involved, Luke Skywalker would simply be written out of the script. However, Hamill immediately agreed to reprise the role. Hamill admitted, however, that he pretended to also

be nonchalant about it, so he didn't seem like he was excited for the role. He also said within five seconds Carrie exclaimed she'd do it and asked if there was a part for her daughter oh oh that's great i love that after he was cast oscar isaac revealed to jj abrams that his uncle's a huge star wars fan abrams then asked if he would be interested in appearing in one of the films as an extra isaac's uncle quickly agreed and appeared as one of the villagers during the opening sequence on Jakku. That's cute. The fuck?

I mean, how does anyone outside of that circle get cast in a Star Wars movie? It just seems like people are putting their friends in all these costumes. I know. Like, what the fuck? Let somebody else in. What are you putting people's uncles in this for? He's not an actor. My uncle likes it.

It's like everyone's uncle likes it. I wish that's how the world worked. Like imagine that's how you got acting parts because you were like, I don't know. I like this. And they're like, cool. You can be in it. Hey, I'm a big fan. Can I be in your show? Sure.

Yeah. Doesn't that happen to you sometimes like do you have any family or something where they go like why don't you do like a marvel movie or something it's like because that's not how it works yeah oh also i didn't just go like i want to ben schwartz and bill hater voice bb8 i didn't know that there There are some videos of them talking about coming up, like voicing it. So essentially, from my understanding, they like improvised dialogue and then like people made it into like. So it's an interesting thing. Why was it two? I don't understand how it was both of them, though.

I've never understood that. And I've not bothered to look it up. No, and I don't understand why it happened actually and i because i feel like if you were just tight you know fucking around with a robot you could figure out how it might sound but um cool okay so some of the reviews of this movie. There were some positive reviews. Todd McCarthy from The Hollywood Reporter says, Star Wars The Force Awakens pumps new energy and life into a hallowed franchise in a way that both resurrects old pleasures and points in promising new directions.

The Guardian said, Our critic was never a Star Wars fan. This time he laughed, cried, and cheered at a breathtaking sequel by J.J. Abrams with genuine heart and soul. But there were also some critical reviews. Thank you. Go ahead. For instance, Salon says that it was the, quote, work of a talented mimic or ventriloquist who can just about cover for the fact that he has nothing much to say. Ouch. And then,

uh, Roger Ebert.com Gerardo Valero. When, as far as to accuse the film of plagiarizing a new hope and resorting to nostalgia, he felt that it didn't justify a return to the universe, uh, from not having an original story of its own to tell and plot characters and

musical score negatively comparing it to george lucas's prequel trilogy and some of its climactic moments or yeah felt unearned i don't know i liked it maybe i did like it because it was an updated new hope i think i like that that makes sense for that reason too that makes sense you guys because i liked a new hope and i kind of i although i enjoyed this movie i do agree with that last review that's what it felt like to me too it was still very entertaining it's well done i like the performances and visually it's it's i think astonishing like it's it's wild to think that in in you know, maybe 10 years we'll look at those effects and think they look quaint. But all the CGI characters, like the little Peter Nyong'o character, looks like a real thing that's walking around and adjusting its glasses and stuff. Yeah, I thought it was really impressive technology.

Like none of the CGI or whatever bothered me like it didn't some of the previous movies i felt like it was the most sophisticated we've had and it felt like really real so that was enjoyable yeah i agree i like the cgi it didn't take me out of it i thought it was really well done i liked this movie me too i will also say this in fairness, that this is a movie that knows, unlike the first Star Wars, this movie knows that there's going to be two more movies coming after it and that they're setting up,

they're introducing these characters and the idea is that they're going to be fleshed out more and their stories are going to be told over the next two. But, you know, so I, I, I give them somewhat of a break with the, with the new characters. Cause it's, it's sort of frustrating because you, you have the baggage of the previous canon of, of this history of these

movies. And then you have these brand new people that we're supposed to meet and fall in love with right away. And we don't really get as much of a chance to do that. Like Oscar Isaac's in the movie in the beginning and then he sort of goes away for a while, you know? And then he comes back and it's like, do I really, I didn't get a chance to get invested in this guy that much to be excited when he is found alive again.

Does that make sense? Yeah, that's true. I mean, like there was that feeling of like, oh, okay okay he's alive like it wasn't like meaningful in some way but it was interesting yeah um so paul overall where does this rank in your uh fave you know how far down in your faves is it oh i would say this this is probably maybe like number five. Okay. Yeah.

I would say that the, my favorite one, I think of the whole series, and this is, this is maybe a controversial take to some, is The Last Jedi, which you're going to watch next,

which is the next one. Oh, okay. This is exciting. Yeah. I, I think that was a great combination of, of all the, of all the star Wars elements.

And, and I like what was done with the story and the characters. This one I think is right after the, if it goes last Jedi and then like the original trilogy and no particular order necessarily. And then this one. All right. All right. Well, I think it's pretty high on my list. trilogy in no particular order necessarily and then this one all right all right well i think it's pretty high on my list i feel like i should be keeping like a running

order that i like adjust on paper because i get confused but i think it's um i think i would go return of the jedi um this empire strikes back and then it becomes messy after that. But you love messy. I love messy. You're messy and you love drama. Yes. I'm messy and I'm sloppy. Lauren loves drama.

She lives for it. You're filthy. I'm filthy, messy, sloppy, and I love drama. You're moldy. You're a moldy bitch. Okay, you've taken it too far. And now, Paul, is there anything you would like to promote while you're here? Well, I just want to let people know that The Neighborhood Listen, which is a podcast that I do with the great Nicole Parker, is out right now on Citra Premium.

Our second season started last week and we are very excited. We take actual posts from next door and social networking sites like that and we use them for improv where we like interview somebody from the post. Lauren's been on it. We're trying to get nicole on it at some point um but it's a it's a really fun show and uh yeah we're very excited to have a new season out there it's very funny so everyone should go listen to that thank you also you can listen uh you can you can review this podcast on app, what are you saying? Lauren, are you okay? Did it go away? Are you okay?

Something just happened weird. Okay, never mind. Wait, what weird thing happened? Something just happened weird. It started like doing like a Siri thing where it was writing down everything I was saying on the screen and then like a computer talked to me

and was like, if you want to, And then I X'd out of it. I don't know what was happening. So I don't know where that was going and I'm scared. Okay. Well, I'm glad we got that situated, but if you want to review the podcast, you can,

and we'll read some of the reviews. This person said such a good time. I couldn't be a bigger star Wars fan, but I know how important it is to laugh at its flaws. These hosts bring humor and insight that remind us all, in the end, it's fake and in space. Yes, that was from Obi-Wan Cass. This one is from Molly Moo.

My people, my boyfriend wanted me to watch all the Star Wars right when this came out. This is a gift from the Force itself and has helped me in more ways than you know. Has me crying laughing. Imagine your boyfriend wanting you to watch or understand all the Star Wars and some of your fave comedians makes a freaking podcast of the exact thing you're going through. Galactic Soul Sisters. And that was from Molly Moo.

Oh, I got one right here. This podcast is awesome. I love Nicole and Lauren. They make me giggle so much. My screen name is Internet User 69. Wow. We have a non-believer out there, folks.

Paul doesn't think these are real. Paul thinks they're fake. How rude. I just wanted to have fun and read a review. No, I loved it. We have one more. Loved by a lifelong Star Wars lover. I'm a huge Nicole fun and read a review. No, I loved it. We have one more. Loved by a lifelong Star Wars lover.

I'm a huge Nicole fan, and this is my first ride with Lauren, and I could not have been more pleased. The wrestling through of the excessive amount of Galaxy is brave, and these two just take it in stride. The fanfic episode is possibly the funniest podcast I have ever listened to ever. Oh, that's Obbs McMay. Obbs McMay. Thank you.

Lauren, do you have anything that you would like to promote? Well, you know, in these trying times, everything's shut down. So I am going to be on Good Girls, which is going to be airing on NBC pretty soon. My episodes will be out. I'm in the eighth episode starting at that point.

And those are also put on to Hulu the next day. So you can check that out. Oh, I was gonna say that while I'm in quarantine mode, I am trying to watch like a classic I've never seen as often as possible. So two days in a row I've done it. I watched Heartburn with Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson,

which was fantastic. And then yesterday I watched Kill Bill volume one, which I'd never seen and I loved it. I just watched Kill Bill volume one and volume two never seen and I loved it I just watched Kill Bill Volume 1 and Volume 2 back to back how wild oh whoa oh boy we have the same brain

do you have anything you want to plug? yes I have a book coming out it was pushed to June 2nd but it's Hashtag Very Fat Hashtag Very Brave The Fat Girl's Guide to Being Hashtag Brave and Not a Dejected Melancholy Down in the Dumps Weeping Fat Girl in a Bikini. You can pre-order it with the links in my bio or go to my website, NicoleBeyerWasTaken.com.

Also, season four of Nailed It will have an air date. So that's fun. Yay. I love watching Nailed It. Oh, thank you, Lauren. You were so funny on it. Nailed It is terrific. It was so fun. Paul, we got to get you on Nailed It. Anytime you Lord You were so funny on it Nailed It is terrific It was so funny

Oh we gotta get you on Nailed It Anytime baby Oh my god Anytime You need to be on I love looking at cakes Well this was very fun Thanks for brightening my

Solo time in my house I mean Mike's here But you know It starts to feel like you're alone Mike only Mike only goes so far Well I wish you all Peace through this journey but you know, it starts to feel like you're alone. Mike only goes so far. Well,

I wish you all a peace through this journey. Yes. I wish you love and happiness, but above all things, I wish you joy. Wow. That's beautiful. You should write that down. I want the force to be with you.

Ah, yes. And the force with you too. Oh, that would be great. That would be great. Wouldn't it? Thank you so much for having me on the show for what is going to go down in history as your worst episode, but it was so much fun, even in this weird, uh, uh, uh,ting circumstance, to talk with you about this movie.

I love the podcast, and I'm so grateful that you had me on. Thanks for doing it. Well, thank you for doing it. You were the best person to have on in this circumstance because you could handle it. No, I'm losing my mind. I'm filled with rage right now. All right. Well, love you guys.

Love you guys. Talk to you later. Bye-bye. Beep- boop. That was a HeadGum Podcast.