Newcomers: Sports, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (w/ Jon Braylock)

Episode Date: September 15, 2020

Moving on from the acclaimed The Lord of the Rings trilogy and buckling in for an all new (and again, very long) adventure, Lauren and Nicole are joined by comedian/writer/actor Jon Braylock (Astronomy Club, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt) to begin The Hobbit prequel trilogy, starting with An Unexpected Journey.The three ponder how on earth Peter Jackson was able to stretch out a short children's book into the three-pronged behemoth the film adaptations became, while also learning that it was an absolute nightmare to create. We also learn about Lauren's early history with The Hobbit, where as a child she performed, as she describes, "as one of those three disgusting, naked things" in one of her first ever plays. Later on, we hear why Nicole thinks Sauron and Saruman should be called Carl and Gary instead. Hopelessly mixed emotions abound with this first installment of The Hobbit trilogy!Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts and let us know what LOTR media you'd like the series to cover.Sources for this episode:Article on The Hobbit's production chaosTrivia from IMDbAdvertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. Far to the east, over ranges and rivers, lies a single, solitary peak. The dwarves are determined to reclaim their homeland. I like visitors as much as the next hobbit. But I do like to know them before they come visiting. Mr Baggins, at your service. I'm surrounded by dwarves. What are they doing here? They're quite a merry gathering.

So, this is the Hobbit. You asked me to find the 14th member of this company, and I have chosen Mr Baggins. Me? No, no, no. Hobbits can pass unseen by most if they choose, which gives us a distinct advantage. We will seize this chance to take back Erebor! Here, Mr. Bilbo! Where are you off to?

I'm going on an adventure! Mithrandir, why the halfling? Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid. And it gives me courage. So this is your purpose? To enter the mountain? What of it? There are some who would not deem it wise.

A dark power has found a way back into the world. Why don't we have a game of riddles? And if it loses, what then? Well, if it loses, precious, then we lose it. If Baggins loses, we lose it all. Fair enough. I will take each and every one of these dwarves over the mightiest army. Loyalty.

Honor. A willing heart. I can ask no more than that. Home is now behind you. The world is ahead. Oh, boy. Wow. This is Newcomers, and we've made it only to the fifth episode. I'm Lauren Lapkus. I'm sad.

I'm Nicole Byer. And we've never seen Lord of the Rings, which is becoming less and less true as we go on. This is the fifth episode of our new season. We are working our way through the Lord of the Rings franchise for the first time with the help of nerds, super fans, sometimes even people who've contributed to the movies. And we started with the Lord of the Rings trilogy that came out throughout the 2000s, but now we're watching all of the Hobbit movies

and we're going to be revisiting fan fiction, checking out the spinoffs, animated versions, and more and more. Yeah, and if you want to follow along or you just don't like life, you can watch The Hobbit, An Unexpected Journey. You can rent it on Amazon Prime for $2.99 or stream it on HBO Max and or Hulu. This is the first of three movies.

Oh, my God. And so now we're starting. Yeah, we're starting the trilogy. And today we are discussing the first installment of Peter Jackson's trilogy. And we're giving. Okay, so, Nicole, you clearly hated this, right? I mean, just right off the bat. Yes, this was really horrific.

It was just a lot. I have like a hot take for you. What is that hot take? I liked this. This is wild, Lauren. Whoa. Wait, let's just introduce our guests because we have to talk about how and why you liked it. So today we're joined by John Braylock. John is an actor, a comedian, a writer, a producer. He's been in Broad City, Astronomy Club, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, How to Be Single, he co-hosts a podcast, Black Men Can't Jump in Hollywood. Welcome, John!

Hey! Oh my god, hi John. Thank you. Wow. Wait, Lauren, da fuck? Yeah. Okay, so. You blew me away, I'm not gonna lie.

That's, I can't, I truly can't believe it. I like this movie as well, but I don't believe that you like it. Yeah, yeah. See, that's even interesting that you like it and yet it's still weird to hear me say I like it I I liked it and I think I mean I'm putting that of course in the context of hating the other ones pretty much except for like five minutes here and there I I actually thought this one was like really kind of fun and I thought it was cute and I liked that it was kind of funny and I

thought that it had like a sort of fairy tale energy that I could really follow and I was like really clear on what was happening the whole time I thought the fight sequence was like um actually pretty fun and like unexpected um yeah I don't know I truly I watched it in two installments I watched it last night and today and I, which, so I didn't love it enough that I was like, let's keep going last night. It wasn't like it was that fun. But when I had to put it on again today,

I was like, all right. Like I wasn't pissed. Do you know what I mean? So. Yeah. I was full blown. So upset to have to continue the movie this,

this afternoon. I started it last night. My fault late. I started at about 11 and then by one, I was like, I must go to sleep. I am sleepy. Yeah. The run times two hours and 48 minutes. I mean, we're not around these people. It's kind of criminal.

I mean, let's be like, let's just be real about it up front. So I don't know if you guys probably know this, right? But The Hobbit is based off a children's book. It was written first. Tell us everything. I didn't know it was a children's book. Okay. So this is the thing about that.

This is the thing that makes it so weird is that The Hobbit. Yes, it was. It was 100% a children's book in the same realm as like C.S. Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia, right? Okay. It's made for children. Like that was the target audience when it was written, you know? And then Tolkien, he decided to, or I guess was always going to perhaps maybe,

make like an adult version of the universe like the middle earth universe and he did that with lord of the rings but those books came out i think they were published something like you know 15 if not 20 years after the hobbit and then he rewrote the hobbit to match up and like link up more directly with lord of the rings. So there's like new stuff in the book that wasn't in like the first version that none of us would have read because it came out like 1937. That's so wild that these people are like,

all right, I wrote it. Guess what? You bought it. It's not done. Here's the remix. It's like, it's crazy because Star Wars, he keeps or kept tinkering with it and you got these like other scenes that people didn't like and then it's wild that he wrote the hobbit for children

and was like the adults needed to all right here's a new hobbit why do you think they made the the lord of the rings trilogy first like was that just more beloved well it's just a much more substantial book uh or series of books like it is for it is both for adults and children right like or at least families and it's it's much more rich like it's i think it's better i mean it's hard it's hard to call one or the other better just because they're, they're for two different audiences. It's like, it's like comparing the kid one. Yeah. You like the kid one. Yeah.

Which is why I initially was like, I was like, Oh, maybe they'll like the Hobbit because it is. I know you guys like we're stupid. Return of the return. We're two dummies. I like,

I know you like the kid elements to some of the Star Wars films. Yeah. And I was like, oh, this is more kid. But when I rewatched it, I was like, I always knew that it was too long,

but I was like, my God, sitting. It's so hard to watch these movies by yourself on a television. Like these really are movies that are meant for, you know, movie theaters. Because if you're not watching it in a movie theater, I don't know. It's a lot to get through. It is.

It is so much. It's like a lot of information. Yeah. I feel like also we have to keep in mind that we are watching all these movies within like four days like every week we put on like a new three-hour um epic movie that is beyond comprehension um so john how did you become a lord of the rings fan i i so I saw the movies first and, um, it was something that my family, like we went to, cause they came out, I believe like one year after another. Right.

And they were always coming out during like Christmas time. I feel like they came out like one, two, three in a row, like, uh, 2002, three, four, something around like that. Uh, and so it was something that my family and i would watch we would go to the movies we have like like what a part of our christmas tradition was to go and see a movie like on christmas um and we would watch them together and then after watching the first one my dad like bought the book uh I also grew up pretty Christian, so I'd known about Chronicles of Narnia

and was a fan of those books. They had made-for-TV movies. This was before they started making the other ones. Those Chronicles of Narnia, where there would be weird PBS. Yes. I think I remember watching those. Yeah. I never knew remember watching those. Yeah. I never knew those were religious until I was an adult.

Like I never got that. Wait, what? I didn't know that they were religious until right now. Yeah. Yeah. Like C.S. Lewis was really religious. So it was kind of like written into everything. But they were really fantastical as well.

Yes. So it was just, it seemed imaginary. It's easy to miss the allegories and I mean it's more you know it wasn't the idea was the kind of you know transfer the the more like the

the ideas of like courage and love and you know like the Lord of the Rings is similar in this you know aspect of like you have the hobbits which rings is similar in this you know aspect of like you have the hobbits which are very kind of small on you know not unseemly what was i gonna say like you don't notice them earnest subtle subtle um and they are they wind up being the heroes of you know the stories both in the hobbit and in lord of the just, okay, so they sped up the frame rate,

so it felt jarring, and I was like, ugh, everything seems too sharp, and it was so it seemed more lifelike. And I was like, I don't need a movie to seem more, I know it's a movie. I didn't know they did that. What does that mean? Yeah, so it was recorded in, like,

48 frames per second. Movies are typically, like, 24 frames per second movies are typically like 24 frames per second so it's like double the speed yeah um it's kind of i to what i equate it to is you know when you if you go to like uh an electronic store and there's like televisions on display they have this like kind of smoothing technology so sometimes you're looking at and you're like why does it look weird yeah Yeah. Similar to that. But it was it was the first time a film The Hobbit was the first time a film had ever been recorded in like a 48. Oh, that's the first movie to do.

See, I don't like I didn't like it. It felt like too real. But then also it was mixed with cartoony shit. So like when they're flying in the sky and he's like eagles or whatever, I was like, oh, you people look super real. This eagle doesn't. Yeah. I mean, see, OK, with all the Star Wars movies, I always preferred the practical effects

and I felt like the CGI stuff was like too much, especially because they were like doing a lot of stuff for the first time, too. And it just seemed like it was so video game looking. But with this, i thought it was kind

of cute i don't know why my whole opinion was so different about this but i didn't mind the eagles i was like get them and then i was like yeah get soup back around like i just was like having fun i mean maybe i was in the right mood for this but it wasn't maybe and maybe i was in a bad mood for this because it started out with all this talking that i was like i don't fucking care i did complain about that i was just like give me the people i know but then i forgot like just like with the star wars movies you're like who's that and you'll find out later so it yes and to be fair this is everyone, even people who like these movies will admit that they are way too long. That this book, so the Hobbit, again, not only was the Hobbit a children's book, but it was shorter in length than any one chapter, than any one chapter of the three Lord of the Rings movies.

What? of the Rings movies. What? Meaning they, yes. So they took a book that was shorter than any three Lord of the Rings books

themselves and then split that shorter book into three movies, which is insane. And they're all three hours? And clearly a money grab. Yeah.

And they're all, yeah, and not only are they, not only are they three movies, but the movies themselves are three hours long. So there's so much stuff in here that is not in the book at all whatsoever. It's all embellished.

And the reality is because the book, because this is one story split into three movies, it suffers the same fate as any of those books that like the Mockingjay that's split into two or any movie that's like part one and part two. And then you watch it. You're like, this wasn't a full story. So like,

it's like taking act one of any movie and then making that the whole movie. Like, yeah. Yeah. You know, I think it's not until 40 minutes in when they actually leave. Like that's like, that's like page like 10.

You know what I mean? That's insane. Well, wait wait listen to this like fact so peter jackson admitted on the dvd featureette that much of the hobbit movie was made up on the spot jackson said they would often be forced to shoot scenes without storyboards or even completed scripts with jackson just making it up as i went along now that would piss me off. Yes. That's truly so insane. I would be like, you brought me here and you don't have a game plan? And like, it's an expensive movie to not know what you're doing.

Yes. But they knew that so many Lord of the Rings fans would just come and watch this, which they did. It made a lot of money. Yeah, but they all hated it right yeah i mean like it was like a love-hate relationship it's a similar with the prequels you know in the in the sense that even though people don't like them those movies still made a ton of money and people still kept watching them you know it's like you're still excited

they don't yeah you're so excited because you love the world you love the universe yeah there's no backwills to this right there's just backwills oh my god you got the prequels

you got the core three and then you got the you got the quills and then you got the backwills well so there actually there is a book that was released and it's not it's one of these things that was, it was released after Tolkien died.

So it was released by his son, but it's called the Silmarillion. And that's like a backstory to like middle earth and like the world and explains like a lot about like, they keep calling this the third age like The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings take place in the third age but there was like this book talks about what the first age was

and what the second age was. Were there black people in those ages? You know there should be black people in all these movies and there aren't. And it's

I think about that all the time. They're the whitest movies ever. They don't need to be white. There's no reason for that. It's fake. It's all fake. There's 13 dwarves. There's men.

And they make all of them white. It's like, it was like you had, you could, even Ocean's 13 put one black guy in it. You know what I mean? You're going out of your way at that point. It's like, there's so many different types of people. Like the trolls, the hobbits, the dwarves, the elves. I mean, yeah, it's crazy. Yeah.

Oh, Lord. Now, do you feel like you could tell that he was making it up? I don't think that. I mean, I think I would say that about any of them, honestly, because they're so meandering. I mean, I guess I didn't. Well, there was some stuff that I was like, wait, the fuck? Like that man who had a bird's nest for hair and then was given life to these dead rodents.

I was like, who are you? And then he like wasn't really that important. Yeah, that was so weird. He's not in the book. So he's he's a he's a wizard that's talked about or I think is like briefly mentioned but you never see he's a wizard i forgot that whole scene he literally got hedgehogs that were like one that was dying and he was like blowing on it and like putting like little like smelling salts by it and he was like nothing's working yes and then the other hedgehogs were like, wait, our friend, and he's like, get away from her!

And then he gives her like that blue juice and then like breathes life back into it, and there was no point. There was no point to that. That's so funny. No, that was completely made up, but Lauren, did you like, I feel like Lauren liked that part.

I did like that part. It was cute. Yeah, I was like, that was cute. I did like that part. It was like, what's happening here? Like, oh, this little guy, he needs help. And like, it was just so dramatic and it felt like really silly.

And then, and like, and like the way he was like trying to put stuff by its mouth was funny to me. Yeah. I liked him. The character's name is Radagast. I blinked on the name for a second, but yeah, that's Radagast.

He's mentioned, there's like five wizards, you know, but he's just mentioned as like my cousin in X Woods. And so they were like, let's see this guy. What would he be like? And what would he do in the woods? You know, and watching him save a little hedgehog with like from who knows what, from some evil magic i guess uh was very cute wasn't he saving him from the necromancer necromancer oh that was scary that thing which we never saw again i thought that was gonna play a bigger role me too there was a lot of things where i was like we're getting little dips yeah remember it's a very short book stretched out into three movies i have to say i also might have a soft spot for it because i was in this play when i was a kid and it was like one of my first chill like plays i ever did it was like a children's theater in my town low stakes but i was very excited and my character was um one of the troll i don't know if it's considered a troll in this movie but i was a troll And it's when they're,

those really three like disgusting naked things that are eating, trying to eat them on the spit. Oh, when they turn to stone? Did they turn to stone? Yeah, they turned to stone. They did, yeah. They're trolls.

I was one of those. Oh. Wait, I was so confused about them turning to stone because I was like, all right, they're chilling they're terrorizing and then all of a sudden Gandhi splits the rock and then there's the sun

and I was like are they like allergic to the sun also if the sun was shining the whole time why weren't they stoned the whole time yeah so it's one of these things of like the trolls if they are exposed to sunlight, we'll turn to stone.

Um, in the book, Gandalf confuses them by, uh, imitating their voices and gets them to keep arguing with each other. And then as they're arguing, they don't realize that the sun is coming up. And so then they turned to stone in the movie.

I think, I guess in the movie that would be much more, it's a little harder to do and it just looked cooler for Gandalf to once again be like, you shall not pass. But he didn't say that, but it was a similar action.

Didn't you feel like Gandalf was sillier in this one? He was too silly and I was like, wait, the fuck? This is not who you are later. Also, he looked older, which bothered me. I know it shouldn't have. Right.

I was told very rudely by the people who live with me, well, it was 12 years later, Nicole. Of course he looks older! And I was like, but in the world, he's younger, so why didn't a younger actor play him? It does make it more confusing because I felt I thought these movies came out first. I was very confused about the timeline of everything. And then, yeah, he looks older.

It feels like we have the CGI maybe now to like just make him look younger. But that wasn't a thing, probably. But yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. You know, the actor is older. I mean, you couldn't recast a thing, probably. But I don't know. Yeah, yeah. You know, the actor was older. I mean, you couldn't recast that part, though. Ian McKellen is just so great as Gandalf.

He is the best. And he is sillier because the character is sillier in The Hobbit because The Hobbit's a children's book. Yeah, because there was that part with Cate Blanchett where she was like, you already knew? And he was like, aw. He was making a weird face. They were like, she was like, you already knew and he was like, aww. He was making a weird face and we're like,

huh? Yes, I do, I kind of love Gandalf in this movie because he's so, he's so mischievous and like, he keeps kind of like

disappearing and he's like fighting with, fighting with both like, you know, all the different trolls and, and fighting with Bilbo at the same time.

Like he, he's very, he not uh the kind of like all-knowing sage that he becomes in lord of the rings yeah um though they still try to have it that way too it's a little confusing it's hard it's always hard when you retrofit something and the book was retrofitted and then the movies came out after Lord of the Rings so and that's also part of like with him making shit up like while he's making it Peter Jackson like there like how does that happen

when you already have this text that is like written a book and a script and then you're like hmm like how do you how do you get loose when like you need so much CGI and other things going on right I think I've I feel like Peterson just felt because he did such a great job with the lord of the rings movie i think one of the things about the lord of

the rings movies too is like there really weren't that many examples of of fantasy movies that were on such a huge budget that could like transform these like you know i guess harry potter was happening at a similar time but these movies did better and they were like more they were a huge budget that could like transform these like you know i guess harry potter was happening at a similar time but these movies did better and they were like more they were they were like critically acclaimed too like they they won oscars you know they were nominated for oscars like almost every year um i don't think harry potter ever got that and because that probably more because it was children i guess yeah but that's not fair. No, I don't. It isn't fair. Not that I'm like a Harry Potter freak or something.

I'm just like. Well, I mean, J.K. Rowling makes it hard to like Harry Potter. That's the thing. She's really turning anyone who might have gotten into this. Yeah. It's kind of wild. I'm like, what is your deal? Just like have your money and be quiet.

That's the thing. I'm like, you could have your horrible opinion to yourself in your mansion with everything anyone could ever want like shut up yeah um okay well we should take a quick break and we'll be right back with more about the hobbit okay we're back should we get into the plot let's do it all right so hobbit bill blow blaggins he he begins writing down the full story of his adventure that took place 60 years prior with his nephew Frodo. The dwarf king Thoreau, he brought an arrow of prosperity for his people under the lonely mountain

until the arrival of the dragon Smaug. Smaug destroyed the town of Dale and drove the dwarves out of their mountain and stole their gold. Thorin, Thos' grandson, sees King Thorandu and his wood elves.

Wait, wood elves? I missed that. I don't know what a wood elf is. On a nearby hillside and is upset. Oh, those little guys. The whole thing, the crew that was falling off the tree at that point and everything, right?

That's what a wood elf is? Yes. Yeah. And they're upset when they look at them and leave instead of helping them. This leaves Thorin's lifelong hatred of elves. So the wood elves are the

the wood elves are just elves for the purpose of this movie. It's the it's just the elves, but in the book, The Hobbit, they were called wood elves, but they're just elves that live in the woods but they're the same like cape blanchett and brock mckenzie and whatever oh okay okay i think in the

big i think in the in the beginning of this movie uh an unexpected journey you see the quote unquote wood elves one is like on this really big elk you know um? And he's like, and he's like looking down and they're like, help us. The dwarves are like, help us. And then he looks down and he just turns. Nah, see you later guys. Yeah. And it's supposed to kind of dramatize this rift

between the dwarves and the elves because they felt betrayed. I see. Oh, okay. so then when they all come together later, it's like, cool. Right. Right?

So in the Shire, Bilbo is tricked by Gandalf into hosting a party for Thorin and his crew of dwarves. Gandalf's goal is to recruit Bilbo to help them

enter the Lonely Mountain. Bilbo is not into it but changes his mind when they leave without him the next day. As they travel, the gang ends up captured by three trolls that's me bilbo stalls the trolls from eating them until dawn and then gandalf exposes them to sunlight oh i do remember freezing in in on stage like this and i was dying very. I wish I saw that. I actually know who has the video and I don't want to ask.

I need you to. It's all I ever want is to see you in The Hobbit. As they travel, they get captured by trolls. The sunlight causing the trolls to turn to stone. They find treasure and elven blades in the troll's cave, which they take.

I mean, okay. So the whole party at Bilbo's house, I was like, this is a lot. And then there was a song, and I was like, is this a musical? And then the boys I lived with were like, I mean, kind of. There's more songs later.

I liked that whole, I liked the whole dinner party scene. I liked when they were throwing the plates. I thought it was very fun. This was Bilbo Baggins, hey? And I sang a song in The Hobbit, and it went a little something like this. Mutton yesterday, mutton again today. That's all we got is mutton, mutton, mutton, mutton.

Yes. We got his mutton, mutton, mutton, mutton, mutton yesterday. Mutton all last week. Looks like it's mutton tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. I love it. I'm here for it. That's incredible. We have to get our little fingies on that tape. It has to be the worst thing ever filmed, I'm sure.

Yeah, we got to find it find it also one of the dwarves looks like jimmy fowley yes and i didn't realize that's who he was posting about jimmy fowley who if you're listening you don't know is a comedian who is like so fucking funny so funny he posts he he does look like that one dwarf who wants chips at one point. And he's like, I don't eat green stuff. I don't eat greens. I don't. Yeah. He has like full on like bowl cut bangs, but like a long haircut.

Boring. And he, Jimmy posted that picture like it was a selfie. And then he did it every single day for like a month. And people were getting so mad. And then now he has a relationship like online with that guy. He's like buddies with him on Instagram. Wait, really? That's incredible. Yes. that guy's supportive i bought the shirt that he was selling with that face on it

and i wear it a lot it has new meaning now it's so funny and i had no idea it was from lord of the rings we were watching it and i was like jimmy fowler and john laughed really hard it was like no that's the guy that jimmy talking, I was like, oh my God. It's so good. I think I need this shirt now. Oh, it really made me giggle. Amazing. Okay, so the wizard,

Rastafarian, and the brown finds, Radagast, is that how you say it? That's what I would say. Radagast. The brown finds Gandalf and company and tells him about an encounter at dull golder with a necromancer a sorcerer who's been corrupting

greenwood with dark magic chased by orcs gandy and the company uh through a hidden passage to riverdale where uh l ron hubbard discloses a hidden indication of a secret door on the company's map of Lonely Mountain, which is only visible on Durin's Day. Gandy later approaches with the White Council, consisting of Elrond, Galadriel, and Samaron the White. Is that Count Dooku, Samaron the White? Yeah, Christopher Lee. Yeah, it's the same.

Yeah. Same actor, yeah. So Count Dooku and presents the... And this is when they were getting along. Like, I was confused and Mike explained this to me

because since it takes place before, he was his mentor and then he turns on him and spins him around in that fight. Yeah. Oh, I didn't realize that that was his mentor.

But also, I was like, this feels fake. I was like, I don't... Yeah, yeah. Because he has ulterior motives yeah well you still don't even in even in this movie you know

knowing what you know from Lord of the Rings you're still like is he are because he in that scene he keeps defending or he keeps saying like no there's no way that that's true and you're like is he corrupted already you kind of don't know this is also not in the book at all so it's it's true. And you're like, is he corrupted already? You kind of don't know.

This is also not in the book at all. So it's completely- Oh, this might have been like the improv scene. Yeah, this is one of the improv scenes where he's like, I don't know, will they, won't they? Act however you want. Yeah, I think it's something

that was maybe taken from the Silmarillion, but I don't know because I never read that. But I think it's like assumed something like this could have been happening knowing the timeline, but it's not in the actual book,

The Hobbit. Here's a fun fact. I didn't realize Sauron and Samuron were two different things. Yes. Wait, you still don't know the difference? You've gone through three. Oh, don't expect us to retain this.

Sauron is the fire pussy, and then Samoran is the person. The Sauron, yeah, is the wizard, is the white wizard. Sauron is the ultimate bad guy, and he's the eye that you keep seeing in Lord of the Rings okay oh yes I think it's I feel like this point has been made but their names are very like Carl and the other one should be Gary you know like so it's different basically this is

like Saruman and Sauron are like the Ben and Ben of Star Wars. It's like you can't use Ben multiple times when the name could be anything. Good point. I never even thought about that. Wow. Well, we've been watching and retaining. We're here to teach. Two Bens, you're right.

But Saruman the White, let's see, the White Council, which is so funny that it's called the white council and it's like yeah duh everybody hears that we already know

it's the freaking white council and they present a morgul blade a weapon of the witch king of agmar which radagast

obtained from dolgurl as a sign that the necromancer is linked to an eventual return to Sauron, while Saruman presses concerns to the even more present matter of the dwarves' quest, requesting that Gandy put an end to it.

Gandy secretly reveals that Gladrgil, Glad, Gladr, Gradagril. Yep, Gladriel. Say it. Gladriel. Gladriel, that it. Gladriel. Gladriel that he had anticipated this

and had the dwarves move on without him. Gotta say the hardest paragraph of my life was right there. Honestly it's hard to follow.

I was gonna say for anyone out there listening who just isn't watching but is learning from us explaining it they're like still don't know.

Still have no clue. And to be honest it was that confusing inside the movie itself right the movie was confusing that whole part i found really confusing when they were having that meeting with the wizards and i didn't really it's it's again it's like they're doing it it's like fan service right like they're doing it for the for the people essentially they're doing it for people who watch the lord of the

rings movies but but never read the books never read the hobbit and then they're gonna watch the hobbit as if it's some sort of prequel you know which i guess technically it is and so they're trying to connect those storylines so you're like oh like look it was happening then you know because because uh they're this story takes place. I forgot how many years, like 60 years or something before. Yeah. So it, but the thing is it has nothing to do with the actual plot of the, of the movie or of the Hobbit series.

So it's this weird side piece that if you don't really understand it, like it's hard for people who do understand it. Cause it's, it has nothing to do with the story. Like all of the things that they talk about, you know, they do follow up with it. You'll see more in the other sequels. Like they keep this weird kind of tangent going, but it's ultimately not like,

it's all made up for these movies. So it doesn't have as much substance. Are the dwarves power players in the next two movies as well? Like it's all it's all made up for these movies. So it doesn't have as much substance. Are the dwarves power players in the next two movies as well? I mean, that's your company. You follow those doors with. I don't love them. I like they're not quite charismatic.

I think they're all disgusting, but I like. Yeah, I I think it's tough because it's like they're it's like a fun company but you don't really other than maybe you know like Oakenshield you don't really know who they are like you know who the leader is but then the other ones like they don't really distinguish them enough and so even even when as you keep going on it's hard to be like, oh, that, it's not, it's like the seven doors, you know, you need kind of names like sleepy and dopey. Like you need those things to know what the personalities of these doors are supposed to be.

That would be nice. I felt like at the point where they were all maybe going to die when that tree was falling, I was like, let's let a few of them go. Like I was like, it's okay. Just for some drama. Let's let a few of them go. Let's let a few of them go. Yeah. I was like, it's okay. Just for some drama. Let's let a few of them go. Let's let a few of them go.

Yeah. I was missing, I know I made fun of the Sam Frodo bromance, but I was really missing, like, love. Yeah, these movies do not have that heart. They don't have love, but I love Martin Freeman. I think he's a charming actor. He's so good. He's very charming and very wonderful.

He carries the weight of like Elijah and the other guys. Yeah. He just doesn't have, and it's kind of a problem with the source material because it's,

the point of this, of the book, you know, is like, it's just this, this guy who lived a really humble life and never left his hometown.

And then all of a sudden a wizard shows up on his door and is like, do you want to go on an adventure? And he's like, no. And then the wizard convinces him. And then there's a part of him. They don't really explain this in the movies, but he has his mother's blood. So he's both a Baggins. That's his father's side of the family. And he's also a Took. His mother's maiden. So he's both a Baggins, that's his father's side of the family. And he's also a Took,

that his mother's maiden name is Took. And so, so his Took, his Tookish blood is more prone to adventure. And so like, it's about his like, this adventurous side of him

that he always got, that he always had from his mother gets like, you know, ignited because he has the chance to go on adventure uh an adventure i feel like that would be a really important thing to include like i think that would be interesting and i actually think the beginning would have been cooler if it was really clear like because i feel like i didn't really hold on to that part of it where

like he's like i don't want to go and i'm just a humble guy or whatever i feel like that would have been a more interesting story because Cause I feel like near the end, he was like, I should have never left. Like I'm, I'm not meant to like be doing stuff like this. I thought that was more relatable. Like it was like the heart that you were kind of,

you know what I mean? Like I would have liked to have been thinking that the whole time about him, but I wasn't really. Yeah. It's, it's, I don't know. They like,

I think they technically included it in like one line, but they didn't really play it up. And it's tough because the scene, when he decides to go, there's no real reason for it. Yeah, it felt like he just woke up and was like, I should be going. Yeah, he woke up and they're all gone.

And I guess because they were gone, he was like, wait a minute, I actually do want to go now. And you're like, okay. You'll buy it for the sake of the movie, but it, it's such a weak, it's so, to watch Lord of the Rings,

where they're like, we have to destroy this way, ring to save the, the, the middle earth. Like you have to save this whole universe. And then this movie, it's just like a guy who's like,

I want an adventure. The stakes are like a hundred thousand times low. And they had to like kind of create these stakes of, I think with this movie, the idea was supposed to be like, at the end,

he's like, well, I realized that you guys, that I have a home, but you guys don't have a home and I want you to find a home. But didn't he think he was bullshitting? Yeah. Like I feel like he was going like, yeah, because he was like pretending he didn't have the ring and I want you to find a home. But didn't he think he was bullshitting? Yeah. Like,

I feel like he was going like, um, yeah. Cause he was like pretending he didn't have the ring. And he was like, Oh, cause like, I thought like I'm here.

Cause like, and I care about you. And then Gandalf was like, yeah. And they were like winking and he was like, okay. And like the other guy was like, that's one of the scenes they improvised.

And they were like, I don't know. Let's just keep that in. It might have been. Cause it was really, it was really, that line isn't in the book. Yeah.

He was like, I realized I had a home. And he's literally holding onto the ring in his pocket. And Gandalf's like, I know what's happening here, which is there. There's a lot in those looks. Gandalf's given these looks that are like very like,

there's a lot of looks looks. Gandalf's given these looks that are like very like, hmm. There's a lot of looks in this movie in general. There's a lot of people staring and looking and not saying anything. Do you feel like Peter Jackson was like, let's just do some like filler looks

and I can kind of like put these in wherever and like be like, hmm, I know something. Like, just give me a little. And then he left all of them in. He was like, you know, when we need it, I he left all of them in yeah he was like you know when we need it

I'll sprinkle it in and then he was like I like all 13 of these let's have a I feel like at the end of the movie they were like alright let's get a shot

of every single person looking at looking at Bilbo and then looking at Gandalf and looking at each other well that's like all the movies

the movies really love unnecessary shots. They do. Like, I was so upset in the last one that we watched that there was a hundred different endings. But then we found out in the book, there's a bunch of different endings. Yeah, there's even more.

Yeah. Wait, there's more in the book? Yeah, in the Return of the King you're talking about? Yeah. I didn't know there was more. Like, yeah, there's another end. Like, there's a whole thing where Bilbo goes back to the Shire and it's like overrun by orcs. And so they have to like save the Shire.

Oh, that's creepy. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah, it's too long. Yeah, that is too long. What's funny is that there's enough material. There's a lot of material left out of Lord of the Rings because they had to, it had to be concise to like fit it into a reasonably watchable movie. But why not turn them into six different movies?

Well, they didn't know that they could do that until, but I think by the time, I feel like the first movie to really do that was Harry Potter, the last Harry Potter movie. Yeah, where they split that up into two movies. And they split it up into two because it was like, it was so dense and they were like, we they split that up into two movies. And they split it up into two because it was like, it was so dense and they were like,

we feel like the fans would want this. And then when it did Gangbusters, both part one and two both made like, you know, a gazillion dollars. Then Hollywood was like,

wait a minute. You mean we could take one story and split it up and make it like it's a franchise and then people will come and watch it? And once they did that, all hope was come and watch it and once they did that all hope was lost

so truly I think they did that did they do that with the last Hunger Games book yep they did it

which is so wild because the Hunger Games books are literally this thin exactly they're so there's like not much material in the Hunger Games

really yeah they're very they're like a real quick read Suzanne Collins said I'll get you in and I'll get you out it's exactly this movie the hobbit is just as short and quick of a read also the name suzanne collins doesn't ring any bells like she has not been given enough credit

with those movies no she hasn't i've never heard it in my life and yet i know everything about i've seen the hungry games that's fair yeah you know let's put by Suzanne Collins at the top of that yeah they should I you know I have my issues with the Hunger Games because Katniss Everdeen is described as having like darker skin and like darker hair and I was like I don't think she'd be white because like no offense to white people I feel like if we were doing the Hunger Games they would be the ones in charge so like I was like, I don't think she'd be white because like, no offense to white people. I feel like if we were doing the Hunger Games, they would be the ones in charge. So like, I feel like the people who'd be fighting would just be like different people of color. So I feel like Katniss is supposed to be resilient. That's what I feel in my heart.

That's my hot take. I'd buy it. Thank you. I'm with you. I'm with you all the way. I should probably keep going with this plot because we haven't gone through it. Oh, yeah. It's long.

The company journeys into the Misty Mountains where they find themselves amid a colossal battle between stone giants. I liked this part. Did you like the stone giants? I didn't mind them. They were interesting and scary. So they take refuge in a cave

and are captured by goblins who take them to their leader, the Great Goblin. Bilbo becomes separated from the dwarves and falls into a crevice where he encounters Gollum, who, ugh, I was pissed, who unknowingly drops a golden ring. Pocketing the ring, Bilbo finds himself confronted by Gollum, and they play a riddle game, betting that Bilbo will be shown the way out if he wins or eaten by Gollum if he loses. Bilbo eventually wins by asking Gollum what he has in his pocket. Noticing his ring is lost, Gollum realizes that Bilbo possesses it and chases him. Bilbo discovers that the ring grants him

invisibility, but when he has a chance to kill Gollum, Bilbo spares his life out of pity, which is the biggest mistake, and escapes while Gollum shouts his hatred towards the hobbit Baggins. Lauren hates Gollum. I don't love Gollum, but I appreciated Gollum. I think I'm a creature of habit. I like the things I recognize. Yeah. Like I recognize Gollum. So I enjoyed it

because I heard about how he got the ring from Gollum. So it was nice to see. But that being said, Gollum is real ugly. Just disgusting. And he had a chance to kill him. He's like a,

you know, a cave creature. Like, he would be, in a horror film, he would be the monster that's, like, killing everybody. Because that's what he is. Like, he actually, like, in essence, is he's eating, he's surviving off of, like, the spare fish and then goblins that fall down and he eats them goblins he was gonna eat well he was like beating that guy to death and the guy would wake up back there

and he was like shut the fuck up and he like knocked him out again yeah shut the fuck up and so and he also and the reason he talks to himself it's like the it's like also the ring like they talk about that but it's also just the fact that he's lived this life of solitude where he's you know he has no one else to talk to so he's like gone crazy yeah talks to himself he's true and he's so clumsy with the ring he just dropped it and it's his precious it's like you, he needs a string or something. Yeah, he should have put it on a string. He should use one of his stringy hairs.

Yeah. Yeah, pull out one of your nasty eight little stringy hairs and make yourself a little string necklace. So, the thinking behind, this is not in the movie whatsoever, but the thinking behind it is that

he can't, like, the ring has corrupted him and like kind of turned him into this creature and he can't hold on to it all the time and so he has to like like put it at different places to like kind of get some separation from it uh and that and and so he misplaces it and loses it um but it's also just like in the you know in this in this story it's just this fantastical story where there's a creature that's called gollum who like likes giving riddles you know all if you i mean if you think about it all of everything in these stories is like taken from

some other kind of folklore it's nothing nothing too new or i feel like hobbits are the most original thing to come out of lord of the rings like i you know yeah i agree with that i just wish that the the stories were just a little bit more streamlined so it was easier to understand because i felt like i'd be watching scenes and then the scene would end and i'd be like hmm i know if i ask what happens john will get mad at me and be like i saw you watching why don't you understand what happened that is me i mean or i look away for one second he's like you have to watch if you're gonna talk about it i'm like but it's just it's it's hard to like keep up with when you're like i'm literally just watching a bunch of people wearing fur walk through mountains yeah it's just it's a lot to like take in are you guys gonna watch the animated hobbit movie i think so that movie just to give you perspective that movie is

one movie it includes the plots from the second, and third movies that you're watching now. And it is one hour and like 12 minutes long. Oh, we're gonna like it. Okay. We're gonna love that. This story can be told in a very concise way

and not skip a beat. Like you wouldn't, it's the same exact storyline. But this movie is like, you know, a Martin Scorsese film where they're like, let's just stretch everything out to the maximum possible extent.

It really is stretched. and lost his forearm to Thorin in the battle outside the dwarven kingdom of Moria, which has placed a bounty on Thorin's head. Gandalf arrives and leads the dwarves in an escape, killing the great goblin. Bilbo exits the mountain and rejoins the company, keeping his newly obtained ring secret. The company is ambushed by Asgon, Azog,

Azgar. It should be Yazan from 90 Day. Yeah, Yazan from 90 Day Fiance. And his hunting party and takes refuge in the trees. Thorin charges at Yazan, who overpowers and severely injures him

with his warg. Bilbo saves Thorin from the arcs and challenges Azog. Just as the company is rescued by eagles, implied to be sent by Galadadryl. Oh, I didn't get that. I didn't get why the eagles came either. Well, I know that Gandalf spoke to the butterfly and sent it off, and I thought the butterfly got them. Oh.

But I guess. Yeah, actually, that's what I thought, too. But I guess it was Galadriel in this movie. In the book, it's just that the eagles see. Mm hmm. They see the fires. They come. They actually can talk. Oh, that'd be helpful.

And they come and they save them. And the reason that they save them is because Gandalf like help them once. Oh, Well, they escape to safety of the Karak where Gandalf revives Thorin who renounces his previous disdain for Biblo after saving him. Biblo. I've been

I was calling him Diplo earlier. Diplo is really good. Bilbo. Bilbo. I don't know why it's so hard for me to remember. Bilbo saved Thorin and so then it's so hard for me to remember. Bilbo saved Thorin. And so then Thorin was like, I like you now. Yeah. That was very dramatic where he was like, you, I told you that you would be a hindrance and a burden.

And I couldn't be more wrong. He had me fooled because I truly was like, this insufferable idiot. If anything, Diplo's doing a great job and help them. So I don't know why you're doing all this. he had me fooled because I truly was like this insufferable idiot if anything Diplo's doing a great job and helped them so like I don't know why you're doing all this and then he like turned

and I was like oh I guess I was invested I don't know maybe I did like the movie it just happens like when Bilbo almost died off the side of that mountain

then that guy was like he shouldn't even be here I was like he almost died it's like be nice Thorin's Thorin's not a nice guy like he shouldn't even be here i was like yeah he almost died it's like be nice thorin's thorin's not a nice guy like he's kind of uh both in the movies and in the books i mean like i think the movie makes him a little bit more or tries to make him a little bit more likable

because he's like supposed to be a noble king or like a valiant you, warrior or something. But he is also like, you know, he's very rude. Yeah. Oh, okay. And the last minute is they see the lonely mountain in the distance where a sleeping smog is awoken by a thrush knocking a snail against a stone. And then all that gold drips off him. I kind of like that part. I like that part because I was like, ooh, more fun is to be had in the next movie.

They had to do some sort of cliffhanger. I think maybe my problem with this movie is there was no eye candy. There was no Orlando Bloom. There was no Viggo Mortensen. That's true. You know, we only got a little bit of L. Ron Hubbard. So I just, yeah, I think I wanted more sexy.

And that's not to say that Bilfer and Beaufer and Ori and Nori and Phil and Killy and Ballad and Dwayne, they're not, you know, terrible looking. Killy and Feely are supposed to be, they're like very, they're like young, they're supposed to be like the young spry ones. Oh.

That's funny. I don't know if, I don't know how to describe, I'm trying, like I don't even know how to differentiate them so that you can know who I'm talking about.

Right. It's like they, they don't give them enough. No. Yeah, they don't have enough to do. There's too many. I agree. They should,

some should have died. Yeah. So we could have gotten to know some of's too many. I agree. Some should have died. So we could have gotten to know some of them. Wait, who's Linder? Oh, I know. Okay, so he's from Flight of the Conchords, Brett McKenzie. Yes, but who was he in the movie? Okay, so there's the part where this was actually funny.

Oh, I guess he's an elf. He walks down the stairs when they first get to that special place. Like they cross over that bridge and they're suddenly in the elf world. And he walks down the stairs and then Mike was like, they gave Brett McKenzie a bigger role

because he's famous by the time they did this part. And then I was like, oh, let me rewind. I didn't see him. And he was like, no, you just like were looking at him and that was him. And then you said, let me rewind and find him. Because I didn't think he looked like that. So he's the one

because he has no beard. He looks totally different, but he has this elf long hair and he has like, you know, 10 lines at a point where they first get to the little elf world.

Yeah, he's just like one of the wood elves who like meets them. Yeah, it's not really an important character. I have another question. So you mentioned the Tooks. So Belladonna Took is his mom?

Mm-hmm. So there's talking about her blood, like her bloodline, like her bloodline. They talk about it later on. They're like, oh, I forgot what the name is, but like one of Bilbo's

from his mom's side's great, great, great, great grandfather was so big he could ride a horse. Oh, yes. And once he like knocked off like this goblin's head and it went into a hole and that's how the game golf like was. Oh, my God. Like that's the level of childness. That's like the biggest thing.

That's what it's supposed to be. That's why this movie is a little schizo because it's very much like it's a hundred percent based off this children's book so it's so silly you have all these dwarves whose names rhyme like they all of them rhyme it's like feeling Keely and Owen and glowing and Nori and Dory and then you have like they're they're they're just like

you know and then like you rattled all those off I know it was like you knew them like they were your friends but you just have all the and they're it's like they're singing I know it was like you knew them like they were your friends. But you just have all the and it's like they're singing songs and it's like there's like trolls

and like all of the things are very like it's all like mishaps and like it's a fun little thing but then the movie because it's linked to this Lord of the Rings

trilogy that is very much like much more mature it's like well we gotta add violence and fighting and so it's like it's like kind of it add violence and fighting and so it's like it's like kind of

it's too dark for a kids movie you know like it's weird I know cause I was thinking I was thinking it was so silly and fun that I was picturing

showing my nephews but I was like they might be scared of this like there's seems like there's too much that's wait how old are they? seven and four

I think that yeah I think they'd be scared yeah and it is weird cause it does teeter between being super silly and then like oh we cut this man's seven and four i think that yeah i think they would be scared yeah and it is weird because it does teeter between being super silly and then like oh we cut this man's off head off and it's gonna roll it to him and he's not gonna be happy about it how about that big character that had like balls for a neck that was wild oh the goblin the goblin king yeah yes the goblin king

was the wildest looking creature i've ever seen. Yeah, it was pretty gross. I did not like him. That whole sequence is, again, it's crazy because it's gross. He slits his throat. That was sick. Yeah, it's pretty fucking vulgar. But after he does it, the Goblin King goes, that'll do it. Well, that's the point.

I was like, this is goof troop. He was like, peace out. And he just fell off a bridge. It's like, that'll do it like he was like peace out and he just like fell off a bridge like that'll do it that'll do it it's like that's the skit like it's like what are you what is this movie it's not scary because it's so like silly and dorky in those moments then i was kind of like like that's fine like i'm not like but like because the other movies were kind of trying to be more serious yes and then it makes the part like when they're spinning the wizard on the floor like it makes it funnier because you're like okay it's not that serious like so there's got to be a middle ground somewhere in here but i don't know if we found it yeah um do you want to do some trivia nicole

yum okay so in the lord of the rings trilogy the scale illusion was accomplished by placing hobbit or dwarf actors and actresses further away from the camera than Sir Ian McKellen, but still live on the same set. So yeah,

we talked about that. This time, however, the illusion had to be accomplished by having the other actors and actresses on a completely different set. That's so crazy. While McKellen performed

his part all alone on a green screen set with only an earpiece connecting him to the performance being provided by the rest of the cast. He hated that. McKllan ended up feeling lonely and frustrated to cheer him up the cast and crew snuck into the tent in which he stayed during breaks and decorated with mementos from the lord

of the rings films mainly old props and tapestries from rivendell and lethorian as well as fresh fruit and flowers this is so sad that is so sad he had to be sad. He had to be a buddy. Why couldn't he hang out with them? Yeah. In between. Well, I guess in between they were shooting. So there'd be like during their shooting, they'd be setting up for his shots. So then that or they were shooting it simultaneously. I don't know.

That's that's so sad. I would be so upset to be alone. Why did they do this that's so depressing to try to make it look more realistic but it doesn't look any more

no I mean to me it doesn't look any more or less realistic I felt like it was even more confusing in this one than other ones

I felt like the scale was almost more dramatic yes than I had seen and then that seems like a flaw. Like, it felt like there was a point where, like,

you're like, they're that small? Like, I mean, I was, like, all over the place. While filming the battle of Abacadabra. You get all the hard words, yeah. Ritchell Armitage Thorin smacked himself in the face so hard with his shield that he managed to bite, ew, completely through his lower lip. The injury can be himself in the face so hard with his shield that he managed to bite completely through his lower lip. The injury can be seen in the finished movie when Azog holds up Thor's severed head and Thorin screams.

The left side of his lip is swollen and there's a pool of blood between his gums and his lip. Ew. Oh, boy. Yikes. Daniel Radcliffe, Shia LaBeouf, James McAvoy, Aaron Arkin, and Tobey Maguire were considered for the role of Bilbo Baggins. However, Peter Jackson has said that his first choice was always Martin Freeman. Freeman was initially unable to accept the role due to scheduling conflicts with Sherlock in 2010, but Jackson reworked the entire shooting schedule for the trilogy to accommodate

him. Well, that's nice. Imagine. I would love to be at that point in my career where someone's like, oh, we'll adjust things for you. Instead, they go, cool, you don't get to go to Marisha, and we're going to shoot this movie without you. The method of creating

The Hobbit was, The Hobbit beat was changed for this movie. Could you tell? This is something that just happened. It seems pretty specific. Very specific.

I was so excited to go to this island and they said, we can't work with this. I want to hear more about that later. I'll tell you. The method of creating hobbit feet was changed for this movie. The hobbit feet, they look bigger. For the Lord of the Rings trilogy, the prosthetic feet only fit over the actors and actresses' feet,

requiring them to be reapplied after periods of walking in them. For this movie, the prosthetic went all the way up to their knees. Why? Oh, that seems bad too. It feels like they could make a shoe that

you could just put on with a sort of, I don't know. But I guess their ankles are out, so it would have to be a boot that would go past their shorts.

Right. Ugh. Yeah. That seems annoying to have to get your feet with prosthetic makeup for hours and hours. I guess it's better than your head, but... The first movie in Peter Jackson's Middle Earth franchise without Oscar wins.

This is that one. It was nominated in three categories, but failed to win in any of them. Wow, that probably hurt that ego. The movie went through several stages of pre-production hell, including separate legal disputes between New Line Cinema, Peter Jackson,

and the Tolkien family members, which complicated production. When MGM finally moved the project forward in 2008, more complications ensued when MGM entered bankruptcy and froze production, causing director Guillermo del Toro to step down after three years of pre-production.

Oh, my God. Later, it was almost cast out of New Zealand when several unions and guilds blacklisted the project and shooting was delayed again when Peter Jackson was recovering from surgery for a perforated ulcer. Oh, my God. Yikes. And then the last bit of trivia was that this was released

the same year as the novel's 75th anniversary. Oh wow. So maybe it was delayed for a reason. Yeah. It was fate. What do you guys feel like

the themes of this movie are? Oh my God, a quiz? Are we back in school? I guess the themes are... Whoa. I feel like friendship. Friendship. school i guess the themes are whoa um i feel like friendship um friendship maybe taking a journey that you didn't think you needed to go on to become the person you needed to be risking yourself for others yeah i like that i think that's Yeah. Lying to pretend like you're better than you are by being like, I was trying to help you all along.

When really you were just there because you felt like you were left out. I don't know if you guys talked about it before, but like, you know, there's a lot of talk about how Tolkien wrote this book. And I guess to an extent, The Lord of the Rings, based off his experiences from like fighting as a soldier in World War One. Yes. And so that's like, essentially, he's kind of Bilbo is like an avatar for him where it's like he had this very nice life where he didn't have to think about like he had food. He had a shelter. He was like, I live in the Shire. Everything is nice.

Like, I live in the Shire, everything is nice, and then had to go to war and literally, like, encounters all of these things that he'd never seen before, all of this violence and destruction and all that, and he's, like, fighting for something good, you know, and it kind of changes him. For the better, who knows, you know? But that's, yeah.

That's interesting. I mean, here's the thing. I'm truly gaslit every episode of this show because now I am, I'm like curious about the second movie. I'm like, well, what's gonna happen with all these people? Will we get some smoke shows who are fun to look at? Or will it be the same old dwarves?

Who knows? I don't. I don't either. I do. Does Smeagol slash Gollum come back? I think so, right? No, I don't. No?

I don't believe he comes back in these movies. He's not. We've passed his part. I actually don't remember, but he's not in the book anymore. I'm pretty sure he's not in the movie anymore. I mean, that makes sense because he's like obsessed with the ring. And I guess you'd have to turn the storyline to like,

God, I'm trying to get the ring back. Yeah, it's not about that. You're going to get men. Lots of men. Okay. There are men, or at least a man coming. And elves. Oh, an elf?

We're getting a cute elf? You're getting more elves. Hell yeah i like women are hot and elf men are not that's my take that's a hot take i like all elves equally also this film earned 303 million dollars in the united states and canada it grossed worldwide at 1 billion. And it's the 15th film in history to earn over a billion dollars. That's literally insane. That's so wild. A billion dollars?

A billion dollars for one third of a story. Yeah, that's nuts. Yeah, that's crazy. God, these people are rich. The film holds a 64% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes with an average score of 6.54 out of 10. And I think that's way lower than any of the Lord of the Rings movies.

They all had like 10 out of 10. People did not like this. Christopher Arof from The Atlantic said, it frequently seems as though Jackson was less interested in making The Hobbit than in remaking his own famous, fabulously successful Lord of the Rings series. That's pretty rough. I don't think he was trying to remake Lord of the Rings. It was so much.

Actually, maybe I do. Cause it was, I don't know. I think it's more like he's trying to make it as epic as those movies and, and try to lean up. He didn't lean away fully, but in some ways he leaned away from like the childishness of the story,

you know, like the, the, the eagles don't talk in this, you know, the, I think like the the eagles don't talk in this you know the right i think like the troll uh the re the way that the troll finds bilbo is not by just reaching back but in the book it's like the purse talks like he goes this like bilbo's trying to steal something and the purse is like hey who are you you know It's like very silly and shy. I remember that from my play.

I do. The main criticism of An Unexpected Journey was the decision to split the story into three films as well as the intricate treatment of a simple children's book story. So people were just like, make it simpler, I guess. And the film was nominated for three Academy Awards. As we said, it was best visual effects

best production design and best makeup and hairstyling and they won an Academy Scientific and Technical Award the Scientific and Engineering Award

for Inventing a Technique which has made huge advances in bringing the bringing to life computer generated characters such as Gollum to film and screen oh yeah

because he was like the first I mean it was him and Jar Jar that were like the first to the first CGI like the first I mean it was him and Jar Jar to the first CGI characters well I mean I think we learned far more than we ever expected honestly yes

an unexpected journey I didn't even mean to do that I'm genuinely excited to watch the next one are you? this happens every episode i come in being like i'm hot i hated it oh okay well we're talking about it it actually wasn't so bad i did love that looney tune who had birds under his hat uh i loved when he brought that little thing back to

like so there's things i liked yeah there's a lot of heart like it i remember watching this movie and when i was in the theaters watch and I actually watched this with my family, too. Oddly enough, my sister, I feel like my sister got proposed to literally after we saw this movie. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that happened because the whole family was together because we were my brother in law. We were watching this movie like around Christmas time. And what I remember thinking watching it in the theaters

was like, I know this is too long and this is like not exactly right, but I'm happy to be back in Middle Earth. That was kind of like the, it was like I'm, you know, and so watching it

right after Lord of the Rings is pretty tough because, you know, these movies came out like I don't know how many years, like eight or, you know, eight or nine years later. And so there was a good distance between them. And so when they came out, it was like, oh, nice. Like, I'm returning to this place that I knew, you know, but they're along. Oh, right. Because with the first ones ones they shot them one after the other so like yeah ian mckellen's age difference really wouldn't be noticeable even though they were those three movies came out one year apart from each other right so it's like he

was aging much more than the films the process of making the film um that's interesting i'm interested to know how you guys like this because i don't for me the second movie is i think it's higher rating around tomatoes but i don't like it like the second movie is like to me very little hat like very little happens in this movie but in that movie very little feels like what's the runtime on that one it's and it's still like a three-hour movie and it's like what were we doing guys like It's gotta be. And it's like, what were we doing guys? Like you're really stretching this. But the dragon looks so cool.

Yeah, you will see the dragon. Like that might be enough for me. The dragon does look cool. Wait, so it's called The Hobbit, The Desolation of Smaug? The Desolation of Smaug. What a funny. Why do some people say it's Smaug and some people say it's Smaug?

But in the movie, it's like some people said Smaug and some people said Smaug. I guess it's like some people said smog and some people said smog I guess it's smog they couldn't keep track of who was saying what oh actually this isn't that bad of a run time

161 minutes at least in the hundreds that's actually good right so like an hour and a half is 90 uh oh no

that's 240 it's 240 never mind oh never mind I Oh, never mind. I can't do math. I thought it was like maybe two hours. I was like, wow, you're really like, you've watched too many long movies.

You're like, oh, it's not that bad. It's 20 minutes under three hours. I mean, it is so wild that all of these movies are three hours long. It's kind of it's wrong it is wrong it's morally wrong

it is and there I think I'm almost positive there's extended versions of these movies which I don't even know

how that's possible the third one doesn't seem to have a theatrical extended one the second one does okay I feel like if you have

if they're extended it just is like bloopers that they have if they're extended it just is like bloopers that they kept in they're like honestly I would love it just to be bloopers Peter Jackson walking in frame and everyone's like Peter do you think there are bloopers somewhere I would like to watch that I would also like

to watch that yeah if anyone knows about bloopers on any of the Lord of the Rings movies we would like to watch them. Yes. That seems fun. They're three hours long. John, do you have anything you want to promote?

Oh, just the podcast, I guess. If you listen Black Men Can't Jump in Hollywood podcast on iTunes or wherever you get podcasts. And Astronomy Club. Yeah.

If you haven't watched Astronomy Club on Netflix. It's very funny. They have a great sketch where people are eating a gingerbread house and that's as much as I'll give you. You gotta watch it. It's funny. There's also a great Cat Williams sketch.

It's a funny show. Watch it. Oh, thank you. Nicole, do you have anything you want to plug? Yes, I want to plug yes i want to plug wear a fucking mask because we could have had a summer i would like to have a fall please wear a mask lauren is there anything you want to promote i want to promote don't wear a mask i love this the way it is now um yeah we're a fucking mask and follow our patreons and help us get through

this help us get through this. Help us get paid since we can't fucking leave our houses. I have a Patreon, a 90 Day Fiance one. Lauren has a Patreon where she's doing a whole lot of cool stuff. Just go find it. Everyone, please. And please tweet at us, you know, Lord of the Rings. I have seen, I actually have found some of these posts interesting that people are tweeting stuff at us. And I'm like, actually interested.

I feel like with Star Wars, there's too much. There was so much. And so it starts to be like, who cares? But it's, I think the thing I like about the Lord of the Rings fans is there's no, it's like unbiased news. They're just telling me facts. It doesn't have a spin on it where they're like, this is why this is better than this. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This movie sucks.

It's just like, I like all of it. It's all pretty nice. The Hobbit, not so much for me. But here's some information about The Hobbit. Absolutely. It's a kind fan base. And I think it's because, I mean, because it's the books, you know, all of the movies are going to be, you know, not lesser, but like it's not the books, right? Like when you're reading a book, you kind of envision what it is in your head.

And then the movie translates that. And you're like, oh, I like some of that. And I didn't like that or whatever. You're not that precious about it. But they get into like this imagined, created world. And so, I mean, I'm not that like, I know there are like Lord of the Rings fans who are like who know Elvish and like can speak in Elven tongue you know like that's

yeah it's a whole world everyone loved Mary by the way the comments on Mary's episode they were like obsessed and her Elvish really shined bright she made it sound so romantic in a way where I was like,

oh, I'm foolish for not seeing the romance. I almost watched the movie again. And then I woke up and I said, you silly bitch, you'll never. That would be literally insane if you watched it again. I don't know what would happen. It's not okay.

Okay, we have our battle of the five stars segment where we read reviews. And if you leave a review on your favorite podcast platform, you'll get a chance to have it read on air. So this one comes from Purple Frog 25. It's called The New Queens of Gondor. I am a huge Lord of the Rings nerd, and this podcast was the most entertaining

and delightful thing in the world. It means so much to me to welcome new people to the fandom, to criticize the many annoying and weird parts, and to obsess over these characters with someone else. Thank you for coming to Middle Earth.

I hope you like it. P.S. The trilogy is better than The Hobbit. Sorry, not sorry. Thank you, Purple Frog 25. This is adorable. That was, see, yeah, these people are so nice.

That was so nice. I think our Star Wars five-star reviews were like, C-3PO wants to bend you over or something. It was like... Goodness. Yeah, our Star Wars, the Star Wars five-star reviews were like, C-3PO wants to bend you over or something. It was like... Goodness. Yeah, our Star Wars,

the Star Wars, they were a little wilder. These people are just like kind of like, thank you, like, thanking us for coming to Middle Earth is so adorable. It's really nice. Yeah, welcome to Middle Earth. I hope you like it. That's incredible.

Yeah, Star Wars is like, if you don't like this, you're the worst person ever. All right, till next time, we're going to be if you don't like this, you're the worst person ever. All right. Till next time. We're going to be talking about The Hobbit 2. Return to Hobbit land. Thanks, John, for being here.

Thank you, John. That was very fun. Bye-bye. That was a Hidgum Original.