Newcomers: Sports, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (w/ Jon Gabrus)

Episode Date: August 18, 2020

Nicole and Lauren embark on their epic journey across Middle-earth, discussing the first installment of Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Fellowship of the Ring.Your hosts can't do it alone, though. Jon Gabrus (The High & Mighty, The Action Boyz) returns to the pod to guide his friends through the first steps of their quest. And if you thought the #1 fuccboi nerded-out hard with Star Wars, you've heard nothing yet. Nothing.Sure, they discuss the plot, but that's secondary to the important stuff: Who in the Fellowship is a daddy? What are they smoking in those pipes? Why do the wizards have a breakdance fight? What are any of these characters' names? Why is everyone white? Where the hell is Gollum?Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5-Stars on Apple Podcasts and let us know what LOTR media you'd like the series to cover.Sources for this episode:Fellowship of the Ring Trivia from IMDBAdvertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Original. In the lands of Middle-Earth, legend tells of the Dark Lord Sauron and the ring that would give him the power to enslave the world. Lost for centuries, it has been sought by many and has now found its way into the hands of the most

unlikely person imaginable. Sauron needs only this ring to cover all the land's darkness. What must I do? The ring must be destroyed. The ring must be destroyed. The ring must be cast back into the fires of Mount Doom. There is evil there that does not

sleep. Sauron's forces are already moving. They will find the ring and kill the one who carries it. Go! Frodo! Come on, Frodo! I cannot do this alone. You have my sword. And you have my bow.

And my axe. This task was appointed to you. And if you do not find a way, no one will. The enemy has many spies birds beasts something draws near

I can feel it get off the road hide always remember Frodo the ring is trying to get back to its master

it wants to be found we must stand back! No! Wish the ring had never come to me. Back you devils! Wish none of this had happened.

You will find your courage. If you want him, come and claim him. You cannot pass! want him come and claim him rolling zoom on fellowship of the ring thou shalt have my wave file we are so fucked yes you are oh boy wow I'm Nicole Byer. And I'm Lauren Lapkus.

And this is the new season of Newcomers, where we're now covering Lord of the Rings. And my God. I don't know how this happened. Okay. I think there was a series we were both fighting for that didn't, didn't come to fruition. And maybe we'll save it because maybe it'll be season three. I don't know. Maybe we'll get lucky. But we did. We did end up having to do Lord of the Rings. It's definitely it's a next logical step. I think people were thinking, if you haven't seen that, you got to see that um we did all of star wars for the first season of this podcast so much star wars stuff and have i retained it no see okay i think we say we don't know anything about it but there are these points where we get quizzed or where someone mentioned something and i do think we have retained more than we realized but that said it's not like we became super fans. We just became more knowledgeable and we got a lot of merch. We got lots and lots of merch. But okay, so on this season, same thing. We're gonna have people who love Lord of the Rings talk to us about why they like this. And okay, so Lord of the Rings came out in the in the 2000s. Yeah, we're gonna start

there because there are some old, there's older movies and people, there's, it's kind of the Star Wars debate of where do you begin with watching? Do you go in order of chronological,

like, release or is it like the ones people like more? So we started with this trilogy. I don't really know what the difference is, but this one came out

in the 2000s and we will also be watching all of the Hobbit movies. We'll be revisiting fan fiction, of course, which I already feel like we're going to crush all of the hobbit movies we'll be revisiting fan fiction of course which i i already feel like we're gonna crush i think so um maybe we'll even read a chapter of a children's book i mean we'll see we'll see what happens yes and if you want to watch lord of the rings the fellowship of the ring it's available to rent on amazon prime and it's on hbo max okay so so wait should we okay so lord of the rings is based on jrr

what does that stand for tolkien's trilogy of novels also called the lord of the rings it was published in 1954 and in 1955 and the film trilogy mirrors the books. And the order is the Fellowship of the Rings, the two towers, and then the return of the king. Who's the king? No! I didn't know that the books were written in the 50s.

That's interesting. And I don't know what J.R.R. stands for either. So maybe we'll learn that today. Maybe it's Jerry Roger Roy Tolkien today maybe it's jerry roger roy tolkien maybe it's junior robert robert and we are so excited about our guest today and he's going to probably clear up a lot of stuff for us i hope he knows what he's talking about um he is an actor writer and comedian you know him from his podcasts high and mighty, Raised by TV, Comedy Bang Bang. He was on Guy Code and much more.

It's John Gabrus. Yay! Oh, shit. I'm a nervous wreck right now. Oh, my God. So what are you feeling? Yeah, how are you feeling right now? I'm feeling great. I watched it on two days ago, and then last night I wanted to watch Two Towers because I was

so hooked. I want to go through the trilogy again, but i was worried i'd be too confused for this interview mike and i watched it last night um if you're new here that's my husband's name and we he loves lord of the rings and the second we were done he wanted to put on the next one and and i mean and i know your roommate john John Milhiser, your roommate, John Milhiser, right? Was also equally intense. Yes. And the man I live with love Lord of the Rings. They love it.

Me and my wife, a woman who I live with, are both obsessed with Lord of the Rings. Really? It's so bonkers. It's so good. We have a really cute story. For Valentine's Day, like 10 years ago or so, we were like, didn't really have plans. It was a Friday and we were like, let's just do something fly by the seat of our pants. And we went out and got like day drunk and then came home and put on Fellowship of the

Ring. And then Saturday we watched Two Towers and then Sunday we watched Return of the King and it was a Valentine's Day weekend and we talk about it as one of our favorite weekends we've ever had. That's very cute. That's cute because you both like it. Yes. It would be worse if you were just forcing her to watch this. I'm not an expert by any means.

I'm just a diehard fan, which I should say this time because after doing the Star Wars one, I got roasted pretty hard because they're out you were like do we ever meet luke and leia's mom and i'm like i don't think so and then it is natalie portman is technically did people come for you people come for me on twitter like still like once a month really and every time i every time i respond to one of these fucking losers like okay okay sick dude next time you can guest on the these fucking losers, like, okay. Okay, sick, dude.

Next time you can guest on the podcast. They're probably like, yes, please. Wait, who gave you your first Lord of the Rings book? Was this like a school? Were you in school? I was in school as a child, but no, I read this on my own. I chose to read Lord of the Rings. Were your brothers into it at all or like was there

any influence this was just something you found no i i'm the oldest and so uh and also i'm like the oldest brother where i brought my cool taste to my younger brothers and they were like what the fuck is it i'm like you guys should read the cimmerillion it's actually a jr and they're like shut up we smoke, you fucking loser. So I think it was because I played D&D as a young kid, and D&D, like the world of D&D, the races in D&D. And in hindsight, now that I'm an adult man who's lived through the world, it's like, considering how the races are, yes, there are hobbits,

there's dwarves, there's elves, there are humans. Yes, they're hobbits. There's dwarves. There's elves. They're humans. Yes, they are all white. But they're four very different races and they're all white though. So you can still enjoy this. It's so fucked up 1950s. It's European. That's the problem is that like that world of fantasy, the Arthurian fantasy. Does it say that everyone is white?

That's what I was going to ask. Or is that just the choice that was made? They mentioned their skin tones and stuff like that, but they never say like, and also this hobbit is, you know, got more melanin than the other hobbits. Like that, that never comes up. And that's just, I feel like that's a lot of that's on myopic writing on behalf of like a white writer who's just like, I'm writing these characters in my head since I'm writing them they're they look like me except they're short with hairy feet he might look like that yeah he could that's people mock fantasy and sci-fi for that shit too where it's like

you know like star wars you're going to the bar and there's like an elephant man and a rhino and like all this and then it's like a one black dude it's like okay so there's millions of people who are green and one black guy okay i laughed a lot during this movie did you it's not supposed to be funny i laughed i had a few moments where i laughed i think we had one moment where we both really thought was hilarious which is the part where those two wizards were like, yes, where they spin Gandalf around on his head and then sent him to space. When I tell you, I couldn't stop laughing.

I truly couldn't stop laughing. I made John rewind it so I could watch it again. I might watch it again today. It was so fun. That part was really funny. Yeah. It's like futuristic breakdancing. They're just shooting each other around and shit. Now, do we want to try to say what we thought the movie was about before we read the plot? I think we probably only took a third of what was supposed to be gleaned.

Knowing you guys as people and knowing your attention spans especially to things that you don't like love that you aren't passionate about which is assorted reality shows um it's it's uh i i'm watching this i'm like i've seen this movie i've read these books and they're all it's boring it's it's it's a little homeworky but that's what a lot like because it's a very pure adaptation which is what i think a lot of people like about it which lends itself to be a little bit boring and i can understand and because it's all proper nouns and long words and shit like that not long words like you guys have but like you know galadriel the elven queen this like aragorn son of arithon he is called elisar you know, Galadriel, the Elven Queen, this like Aragorn, son of Arathorn, he is called Elessar.

You know, like all this shit. You just said so many words that I didn't even recognize. And did they have those were said in the first movie? I'm pretty sure they're all in the movie at some point. That's crazy. Yeah, I didn't catch those guys. But yes, tell me what you think the movie is about, guys. So it starts with the sort of backstory about the rings and how there

are these five rings seven five rings and seven seven eight nine ten nine oh my god mike is groaning you can't watch me record the podcast this is a judgment-free zone oh my god okay mike go watch basketball on your phone in the bathroom, you fucking loser. There's a lot of rings, yes. Do you know how many there are? No, but there's, like, nine for the humans, five for the dwarves, three for the elves. Like, there's, like... Oh.

Okay, okay, okay. So, anyways, but there's one ring that controls the evil of all the rings. Yeah. And then this evil man is trying to stomp on everybody. And then there's a war of darkness. And then somebody cuts the ring off his nasty little fingy. And then he becomes this fiery vagina hole. And then we go to Bobo Baggins' party.

What's his name? Bilbo? Bilbo? Yes, and Bilbo is- Bilbo. Bilbo. It's dildo with Bs instead of Ds. That's how you remember it.

It's- Dildo Bilbo. Bilbo is turning 111th birthday, okay? He's, right? Mike's shaking his head. How is that wrong? It's his 11th birthday. Don't-

Shut up. Back off. Don't worry about him. Don't worry about that wrong it's his 11th don't shut up back off don't worry about him don't worry about it 11th i can't with you right now so then he has a birthday and he decides that he is gonna because the ring makes him not age and so he's like i'm gonna give up the ring and i'm going to leave uh-huh and Frodo basically is the one who the ring is given to. But then Gandalf is there and Gandalf is big and he's a wizard and he like wears a hat. He comes in on a carriage and Frodo's like, tee hee hee. It reminded me of Back to the Future because I was like, how the fuck are these two friends? And then.

By the way, if this is the pace fuck are these two friends and then by the way if we're if this is the if this is the pace that you guys are going to go through the plot i have to call in sick tomorrow to work we have two hours and 45 minutes left okay okay okay okay but i like the part with um where gandalf like put the little firework show on for the little kids that was so cute okay yes that was cute okay so so frodo gets the ring and it's kind of a bad problem because the ring connects to all these evil people who really want the ring and because they get a lot of power and then he is kind of on an a mission to get rid of the ring right he's got to bring the ring to moldova mordor what pedora mordor mordor you gotta go to mordor so he gets a like a gremlin no wait a dwarf

a fairy a hot man a hot man who's gonna be bad and then his three little hobbit friends one of which i think is in love with him sam who and he can't swim at one point oh my god that part was crazy it was nuts it was like you can't swim he's like i'm gonna jump in anyway and i was like you bitch what the fuck his dick ain't that good but i thought i thought he might die and i thought it was gonna be one of those things like where we discover that like an important character dies in the first movie but but gandy does die. He falls.

That part was horrible. I was pretty upset about that. That part was genuinely sad. I really liked Gandalf and I felt like there was a lot. The things I liked about the movie were some of the magic. And then I liked that. They had like these sort of big, like life lessons that were being imparted a couple

times and they were kind of emotional and like at the end there was life lessons okay okay well at the end um what's his name frodo was like something about the ring and he was like i wish everything didn't go this way oh yeah and then gandalf was like it has to go this way so you can fucking do it yes and so i thought that was really good i was like yep it has to go this way so you can fucking do it. Yes. And so I thought that was really good. I was like, yep, we all wish that about stuff. Anytime Frodo almost dies, it was so funny because it was like in slow motion, like him being like, and then every time they picked up Frodo, I laughed really hard. It was really, he's so small.

Me too. Why are they picking him up? Doesn't that seem rude? They infantilize the hobbits so much. Like when they're like hugging them or carrying them. It's really funny, but it is like a stark reminder that they are three feet tall. You know what I mean? This was something that I found really confusing about the movie.

Just thinking about how it was made was like how are they shooting the scene where this guy's 15 feet tall this guy's three feet tall but they're all you know average sized people in real life so like how are they making them look like this and did everybody shoot like separately peter jackson is very talented i know a lot of it was shot with forced perspective like putting gandalf closer to the camera than frodo yeah and also building sets that are different sizes on different sides so when it goes to gandalf he seems like he's crunched up under the ceiling but when they pan to the right to frodo the ceiling is but really that ceiling is way hot like the construction is off so that the sets make Gandalf look bigger and the sets make yeah

yeah so wait how how do they walk around the forest without shoes on there's some lore around all of the uh magical races in this and I can help you guys run through a lot of that stuff because this is where I am informed hobbits never wear shoes uh they are feet are tough enough like leather from never wearing shoes from birth and it's because they like nature and that they're very easygoing uh people so they just like hang out fish go run through the farm you know farm hang out like like they like drinking eating they there's a lot of jokes in this movie that hobbits have an insane appetite they eat like nine meals a day they're about the finer things in life and then that's why there's this extra layer of how big of a hero Frodo is

because hobbits don't even do stuff like this. The only other hobbit, the only other hobbit that's ever went on a big adventure is Bilbo. I think that's why you guys were wondering about like what the order to do is because the hobbit tech technically takes place before all this, the hobbit, the hob place before all this, the Hobbit, the Hobbit's about bill, bill,

bow, bill, bow, and a dozen dwarves that go on this mission that end up getting the ring as part of them. Not as part of what's going on. The ring is like a secondary to what happens there. Oh,

I was in the Hobbit, the play when I was in fifth grade. Oh, that is so cute i would that is patreon content i'll go fucking i'll go top i'll go top tier for some shit for that i i do have some pictures i was a troll oh uh the trolls the trolls are a bilbo tells that story at his party he's like and then the trolls talked till the sun came up and they turned to stone that's from the hobbit and then later on when uh uh frodo is poisoned and they're looking

for um the the weed the some they you see that there's three big frozen stone trolls there that's the trolls from the hobbit so we're gonna have a lot of moments i guess where we're like oh now that makes sense it's kind of like watching four or five, six, one, two, three, seven, eight, nine or whatever. Like, which is how I casually speak of Star Wars now. That's one of the rare instances besides like knowing some more about Gandalf and some knowing some more about how elves and dwarves get along. That's all you really get from The Hobbit. The Fellowship is the lord of the rings trilogy this trilogy you guys are doing first really can stand alone everything else is just

a little extra gravy or flavoring if you if you know that shit well i feel like we should read through the plot so that we get it right so that people who are listening to this um have that info so it starts with the party as we we mentioned, we begin in the Shire at Bilbo Baggins' is, what is it? Eleventieth birthday? Yeah. His 110th birthday, I think.

111th birthday. Get it right. Gandalf suspects Bilbo's magic ring may be the One Ring and entrusts it to Frodo. Gandalf tells Frodo to leave the Shire

immediately with the ring and Frodo is accompanied by his friend Samwise Gamgee. Didn't even clock accompanied by his friend Samwise Gamgee. Didn't even clock that his name was Samwise Gamgee. Me neither. I thought it was Sam. All the Hobbits' names are short.

Like, Merry and Pippin are like Peregrin Took and Meriadoc something, you know what I mean? Cute. I will say, when I first saw this movie in the early 2000s, whenever it came out, I was in college, I thought this movie was the gayest movie i've ever seen it's pretty gay there's definitely a vibe between the those two characters yes and again i'm like that was me when i was 19 years old so now i'm like this is just like male friendship

love all this stuff but there are moments because they have such they're so cute and like in their size and stuff they have these moments where they, they're so cute and like in their size and stuff, they have these moments where they're like looking at each other. Like, and in the third movie, there's like some serious, like this might as well be like Titanic, but,

uh, so get pumped, get pumped for that. I am excited. Cause this movie did not have romance. There was one kiss. There was a kiss between the elf and the human um oh yes yes yes yes which i also thought was messed up that she was gonna be immortal like be mortal i didn't

understand why she would do that she loves him so much but it was like this is a bad idea i don't know it's all very confusing. If you could be immortal, would you? No. No, I'm already tired. To live forever? My God, I'd be so mad. But I guess my thought is I would be immortal if also the world was magical. Yes.

Like, I don't want to live here. yes like i don't want to live here if you had like a magical forest castle that you could live in and and have uh a young fucking aragorn living uh living with aragorn the brunette the guy from history of violence from everything vigo mortensen oh yeah yeah he's a daddy he was cute yeah he's very hot always and he's particularly hot in this movie. He looks so good. His nasty hair, his beautiful eyes. So Gandalf rides to, dang, Isergard to meet up with Sauron the White. Saruman.

This is where it gets a little confusing. Saruman the White. Is Saruman the White the one with the long, straight white hair? Yes. Yes. Okay. But it's like, we don't have to call her the white. Everyone's white.

No. Okay. So to really explain what that is, that is in the order of wizards being the white, weirdly enough, is the most powerful. Grand wizard. Yes. We're going to find a lot of parallels here. Gandalf is technically Gandalf the gray.

I always thought it was Gandalf the Great. No, he's the Great. He's on his ascension to becoming white. He hasn't gotten his white power yet. Saruman is a man, not Cate Blanchett, right? Right, yes. Cate Blanchett is Galadriel. Oh, he's

Agent Smith from the Matrix? No, that's somebody else. Oh, shit. Saruman is the white guy christopher lee who's fighting uh he's got the long hair he's the wizard that gandalf fights oh and he's in star wars isn't he yes he is he's duko do count duke uh count duke duke i hate my life so yeah i can help you run through the names of characters, which I think might be a fun, because that's like the first half of this movie is just meeting everybody. Really.

Yeah. Because you build the fellowship, which is the titular thing, the nine people that are going to go on this adventure. Oh, wait. They're the fellowship? I didn't get that. Me either. They're the fellowship of the ring.

Yeah. That little moment when they're around like the tree stump with the ring on it and they're all fighting over who's going to go. That guy, whose name escapes me right now, the guy who played by your Agent Smith, Hugo Weaving, he is playing, I forget that dude's name.

That's Elron. He's creating the Fellowship to go destroy the ring. And then that's who it is. Yeah, and Arwen's not a part of the Fellowship, right? Or she is. She's a smoke show. Arwen is an absolute smoke. Arwen?

No. Arwen did not do it for me. Arwen was too soft-spoken and kind of fucking lame and didn't take up space. And I felt like she was just there to be pretty. I couldn't believe it Arwen's not for me I I was totally on the fence with that but I recently watched this um architectural digest series on Hulu called open door and they had an episode which by the way I would recommend

it's like 15 minute episodes of celebrity homes it's just fun but they had an episode about Liv Tyler's house which was really cool and then she went into her attic and showed this like old sword from Lord of the Rings that she had like stacked away up there and it was a cool even though I didn't know anything about that I was like oh that's kind of cool like it seems really meaningful and so watching this I was kind of thinking about her as the actor and that was making me like it more but i agree that the character feels like it needs like something going on like if you're an elf like give me some elf life yeah yeah the elves are a little soft soft-spoken type of like you know uh we're quiet we keep to ourselves we're magical we live for a long time so we don't bother with the trials and

tribulations of humans and then that's why they butt heads with dwarves as we see gimli and legolas kind of butting heads because dwarves are rough they live in uh inside of caves and mountains rather than in the forest and they're warrior-like and loud and rambunctious so that's that's maybe part of what arwen's characterization is but she does get she she will get a little cooler don't you worry and okay women in general get a little bit more to do as these movies go on good but i did like glad glad or glad real glad she was like kind of wild i like when she went evil that made me laugh though oh my god when she went evil near the end she was like yeah jesus chill out they go large march right it reminds me of large march everyone like loves

the ring so much that it's like this it's the creepiest thing how much everyone changes to try to get the ring it's it's so dark there therein lies another cool part of the movie is that the ring has the power over people because it knows it knows it needs to get into hands that can do more evil shit so that's why it's sauron wants it so that they could do more evil shit but that's why the hobbits they're so good natured by design and so not powerful that the ring doesn't control them the way you'll see frodo will have to fight the power of the ring but it doesn't hit him the way it hits everyone else in the movie including even the other hobbits it doesn't even hit those guys as hard because the hobbits are sort of like

not like even the ring is like i'm not even gonna bother with these fucking hobbits they can't do shit for me and that's what's kind of cool about and even like gandalf kind of knows that and that's why frodo kind of has to go off on his own which is kind of like a sweet sort of like we actually do have a superpower and it is that we're so good natured and i think that's like a key okay so so yeah gandalf attempts to flee to warn frodo but sar Saruman imprisons him, and following Sauron's orders, Saruman, dude, commands the orcs to- It's so annoying that Sauron and Saruman are the two bad guys' names.

It's so dumb. That's so similar. Very similar. They command the orcs to construct weapons of war and produce a new breed of orc fighters called the Uruk-hai, which, by the way, were those the things that were being born out of the, like, brown goo like brown yeah it was so gross also their swords truly look like protractors they didn't look deadly they were just like like sheets of metal that were kind of sharp well yeah see to

me that made them scarier that they seemed like they were made from like pieces of a stove or something right they're like weirdly just like they just seem like big and like fucking weirdly like iron uh and you're like but yeah they're not sharp and then that's why you get to have fucking legolas shooting little arrows through all them and stuff they can't be too deadly or else it would make no sense when our nine heroes kill 200 of them legolas aka katie perry's husband yes wait really yes bloom daddy know that they're having a baby or they already did oh well i'm learning so much new there's a lot going on i have a question though about gollum he's not he's barely in the movie he's barely in this movie i was surprised by in this movie. That's what I was surprised by. And that's kind of like our Yoda thing.

Where we're like, where is he? Like, I thought Gollum was going to be a huge part of this. And at the beginning, you get a little taste of him. So I was like, here we go. It's going to be all about this guy. And then he just wasn't there. And he was running off into the distance. Yeah.

And then Bobo, Dildo, just picks up the ring from his cave. And I was like, then why did Gollum let him have it? It was confusing and also disappointing. I wanted more Gollum. I agree. I wanted more and I'm excited that we'll get more. You'll get plenty more Gollum. Don't you worry.

Okay. So Frodo and Sam are soon joined by fellow hobbits, Merry and Pippin. They meet a man called Strider who agrees to lead them to Riverdale. They spend the night in a small town and are attacked by Nazgul. Strider fights them off, but Frodo is grievously wounded. While being chased, Frodo is taken by Elf Arwen to Riverdale and healed by her father, Elrond Hubbard. That was almost 100% correct.

I thank you. When Frodo almost died, I was like, there's no way, right? Like, there's no way he's going to die. But then when he almost died the second time, I thought, he's still going to live, but he might not. Like, I was like, this could be a thing where he gets killed. And I was glad he didn't because Cause I really liked looking into his eyes, dude. I sat across from him on the F train once.

And I truly like almost drowned in his, in Elijah Woods eyeballs. He looked up, he is so cute in person. I mean, he's, he's a very good looking guy, but his size makes me want to say the word cute,

which I know is offensive to smaller people, but he's so cute i sat across him and i was like looked up and i just was like he like i felt like he blinked like and it just made his eyes that much wetter and bluer and i was like oh frodo i'll carry you he does have great eyes there's a close-up of him when he's like walking away and they're like frodo and he turns back and it's his big eyes and one little tear falls i was like oh boy he is acting i gotta say casting in this movie is fucking stellar yeah very good everyone's really really good like uh sean bean as boromir is just like yes yes, he seems like a hero, but there seems to be something off. Aragorn is like, he's dirty, but he's hot and a fucking hero.

Legolas, cute and a hero. Gimli looks, Jonathan Rhys-Davies looks like a dwarf even without that much makeup, you know? Okay, so they form the fellowship. So in Riverdale, I'm just going to go with that because I like it more. Frodo is reunited with Gandalf and Elrond Hubbard calls a council to decide what should be done with the ring. The ring must be destroyed, and that can only be done by throwing it

in the fires of Mount Doom, where it was forged. And Frodo volunteers to take the ring to Mount Doom and is accompanied by his hobbit friends, Gandalf, Strider, Aragorn. Did you already read this? No, they're just repeating the names. Okay, so the elf Legolas, the dwarf Gimli, and Boromir, the son of the steward of Gondor. Together, they, they're just repeating the names. Okay, so the elf Legolas, the dwarf Gimli, and Boromir,

the son of the steward of Gondor. Together they become the Fellowship of the Ring. Hell yeah. And then we have a bunch of battles. Yes. The Fellowship sets out on a trying journey, drawing with Gandalf, eventually faces off with a demon and is dragged off into the abyss.

The gang escapes into another elfin realm where they are sheltered before they're set out on their journey again. Boromir tries to take the ring from Frodo and fails knowing that the ring's temptation will be too strong for him or anyone else that is in the fellowship. Frodo decides to leave them and go to Mordor alone.

The rest of the fellowship do another battle. Merry and Pippin try to follow Frodo and end up on their own, eventually kidnapped wait they they got kidnapped yeah by the orcs i don't feel like i remember that either me either mary and pippin sacrifice themselves to save frodo remember they're like he's gonna go they're like he's gonna run so they go over here over here and then that's why you get strider having that uh aragorn strider whatever you want to call him having that badass last line when he's like, well, that means the end. When Legolas is like, is that the end of the fellowship?

He goes, no, we owe it to Mary and Pippin to rescue him. Let's go hunting for Orc. And you see like all three of those, the three most badass fighters walk off. You're fucking hyped. And the second movie is the best one. You make it sound really exciting. You do make it sound exciting. I have goosebumps talking about it.

I'm fucking hyped. Oh my God. Because the second movie is the best one. The Battle of Helm's Deep is like a fucking absolute amazing display. Well, let me ask you guys, what did you think of the action in this movie? Did you think like the cave troll fight, the fight in the cemetery? Was that appealing or cool to you guys at all? Because if not, you're going to have a hard time with the rest of this movie.

I think we're going to have a hard time regardless. But part of it is how long they are. I was like, we should split these up into two episodes. This is a long movie. But then Mike was like, no, you should watch it all at once. Like if you split it up, it's like he did say that the extended versions were divided at that point where they go on start going on the journey. So I don't know if that but whatever. I felt like the fights were good and like really the CGI and all of the special effects were really good.

So like that really helps me because I feel very distracted when stuff like that is weird or like off. But I don't really need a lot of fight scenes to like get the point so that was part of it where i was like i'm kind of like i don't need to look up at this one but like then i would miss something huge because it seemed like every time i looked away somebody like disappeared or something yes that was so annoying and john kept screaming at me he was like you have to watch and then john was texting mike being like neither one of them are paying attention yeah mike texted me last night that's how i know and i i was really paying attention though like you need to understand i looked at my phone like a couple times and then i would pause it and i would pause and look at my phone for like 30 minutes i was like i just need

to look at the phone it's two and a half hours long it's completely reasonable and it's hard it's hard to keep three hours it's three it's three hours long i couldn't watch it all last night at 12 30 i had to go to sleep yeah i had to break it it was putting me to sleep it's a little it's a little like not meandering it's like a pretty succinct journey but like it's just so much information i didn't i liked the fights i thought they were fun but that old man wizard fight man that was the best funny that was the best funny but the best fight well it was hilarious with his laid wig that's just flowing and he's tossing gandalf around when I say I loved him spinning on the head. Oh, it was. He was spinning like when Homer does that thing where he's like running on his side on the floor.

And he was like spinning and then he got thrown up into the sky. And it was hilarious. And I really liked Gandalf as a character. So I was very sad that he got killed. Same. But I think he's going to be back. That's what I'm hoping. If he has to be. I know. So. No spoilers. No spoilers. No, think he's going to be back. That's what I'm hoping. And he has to be.

I know. No spoilers, no spoilers. No, I'm not going to give you any spoilers, but that Gandalf fight, the wizard on wizard fight, you're like, oh, this is weird. But wasn't it cool when Gandalf pulls the sword out when they're fighting in the grave? And you're like, Gandalf carries a sword,

and then he's got a sword and a staff, and he's kind of fighting. And you're like, oh, he's pretty badass. But then when he squares off against the balrog and saves everyone with a that you talk about famous lines that you may have heard out of context like thou shall not pass or none shall pass whatever he says yes that's a pretty i didn't know that was from this like that feels so um in the world that it feels like it's from the Bible or something. Well, I will say for a lot of people, unfortunately, the Lord of the Rings books was a Bible.

Well, wait, you said something about Jesus Christ within the Lord of the Rings universe or something that's in our notes here about you. Is that a fact? Gabrus spits deep L-O-T-R biblical references in this episode as a christian weed dealer on oh that i did a different podcast uh called mega and i played a uh drug dealer who pretended to be christian or whatever but i all my christian because lord of the rings has a lot of like

you know people coming back to life like a lot of that kind of one single person sacrifice will save the world like a lot of messiah christianity bullshit it's just i think because i think a lot of it is because tolkien fought in world war i don't know history i think it was world war one possibly world war two and that inspired him to write these books because it was like a journey through foreign land an enemy that you didn't fully understand. Oh, that's interesting. The fear of life, the connection to your fellow soldiers and stuff like that. I think that's kind of what kicked off Tolkien's idea for these books.

And again, before you come at me, save this shit for Reddit. I'm not going to read your fucking ads. Yeah. He can be wrong. It's okay. I think we need to take a break, but we'll be right back with more Lord of the Rings. We're back.

My God, that made me laugh so hard. The way your eyes got so big just wanted to put some energy oh my god so some information on lord of the rings this is the first installment of the movie trilogy it's directed by peter jackson and it focuses mainly on frodo and the Ring as the backbone of the story. And it was released December 2001. Wow. Wait, so, and then the two towers was released a year after that? That is nice after Star Wars, you know, puts a 10-year gap between these things. And you never know when it's coming. So that's cool.

Okay, wait, we have a little trivia. Let's see. um okay wait we have a little trivia let's see so peter jackson gave gave one of the rings used in the movies to elijah wood and andy circus as a gift when the shoot was finished and they both thought they had the only one interesting for those two for their those actors based on what characters they play too that's frodo and frodo and gollum yes the two people who like the ring the most interesting that's honestly i like that it's kind of cute to trick them uh more trivia according to sean atston in the extended dvd commentary when bibble bibblo dildolo. When Biblo drops the ring before leaving Hobbiton, is that what it's called?

Hobbiton. Hobbiton. Hobbiton. The floor was magnetic to prevent the ring from bouncing. This was done to demonstrate the importance and weight of the ring. Oh, that's cool. That's interesting.

Viggo Mortensen did his own stunts, and he also insisted on using only the real steel sword. Seems crazy. Instead of a significantly lighter aluminum sword or safer rubber sword which were manufactured for battle scenes and stunts i would not want to be in a scene with that person i feel like unsubscribe i have to use this metal sword i'd be like bro chill the fuck you're like yeah that doesn't seem safe no dude how fun is it that how much weed is in this movie like they're fucking smoking dope i didn't realize they were smoking weed i thought he was just puffing on a pipe like a tobacco or something

and i think that's why this got popular in like the 60s and 70s because there's like the characters are smoking pipe weed and like the wizards and the hobbits and wizards do it to relax and to connect and then like bands like led zeppelin and like other rock bands uh appropriated a lot of like lord of the rings lingo like uh led zeppelin has a song called misty mountain hop based on like a lord of the rings reference because i think a lot of like you could just picture like the kind of dude who's into guitar and weed is also into like bro saruman the evil force you know well this is this is like hard for me because it feels like then i might get into this and i'm kind of scared because like i like i like the things you're

talking about i feel like i probably have had a lot of these references around me without realizing it but i'm really not i don't see myself as being someone who likes fantasy in this way like i don't this is i don't get immediately sucked in when i'm watching this so that's i'm curious how it's gonna go for us because i did like certain elements but you know it's it's a huge time commitment too like it feels like we have to like buckle in like focus i don't know why that's so hard, but it is, okay? Because it's so much new information for so, if for three hours you were bombarded with

small people with their feet out and elves with their ears out and people talking to you normal and then being like, I'm all powerful. And you're like, wait, what? That was good, by the way. What?

Did you put a filter on no what the fuck i thought that was do with my voice you said it in the in the back in in the back of your throat in the back of your throat i can do this i can't do it it sounds like you have post-production does it it's really good. Thank you. I'm scared and hard as a rock right now. Oh, my God. If you win an Emmy, you have to do a video accepting the award with that voice.

Thank you so much to the Academy and everybody who believed in me. The Academy. They're like, ma'am, this is the Emmys i was i was right there with you who knows uh more trivia the elf elfish language lines spoken in the movie are not just quotes from the book they're derived from jrr tolkien's own limited dictionary of that language oh it's a whole language. Dialect coach Andrew Jack used recordings of Tolkien reading. Is Tolkien dead? Yes, I believe so.

Dang. Rest in peace, J.J. No, T.R. No. J.R.R. Tolkien. Woo wee. His books to guide the actors and actresses pronunciations. He was born in 1892. Dang. he's born in the 19th century his name his full name is john ronald rule tolkien oh all right okay we'll see

if we remember just to jump back to something you said briefly you said yeah uh i'm concerned because like i don't really normally like fantasy but i would say just like if you're not a rom-com fan but you might like when harry met sally because it is such the rom-com this is like the fantasy work of both like you know even this movie even though it came out in early 2000s is like so iconic as a fantasy series it does feel that way i i also also felt like a lot of the orc stuff reminded me of Buffy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the weird kind of nose bridge

that they give the vampires. Yeah, like the nostrils. Yep. That's cool. The other selling point I want to give you guys is imagine Lord of the Rings is one long nine-hour movie. You just got through the first three hours i'm at just a picture but that's actually pretty good considering how many movies there were for star wars that we

had to get through this is like really manageable like we can do this you're a third through the movie of lord of the rings so the first act is over the second act is where a lot more action and shit happens so be hyped for the next two movies although i love fellowship it is a lot of uh laying pipe a lot of groundwork a lot of shoe leather and if you're not if it's all new information it's not going to feel that interesting right um one last little bit of trivia is that the different colors of blue for the elves eyes revealed what race they were so the lotothlorian elves had light blue eyes and the Rivendell elves' eyes were dark blue,

which I did not pick up on. No, because it's so subtle, but it's like they're white people. So within their race, they will all have blue eyes. Just different shades of blue. And I mean, it's actually really obvious if you start to talk to people. And knowing white people,

the people with the darker blue eyes probably hate the people with the lighter blue eyes and vice versa. It's so wild. So, okay. Do we think we are going to like Lord of the Rings more or less than Star Wars? I mean, this is seriously, it's a huge question.

What do you think, Nicole? How are you feeling? It's weird because I did not like this movie this afternoon when I finished it. But then talking to Gabrus, I was like, oh, you know, maybe it wasn't so bad. I did get to see a lot of scenery and I did like that old wizard fight.

And every time Frodo almost died, I tee hee heed and he's so tiny. I did get to see a lot of scenery and I did like that old wizard fight. And every time Frodo almost died, I tee hee heed. And he's so tiny. I might like it. I did like the fighting scenes. Yeah, I think I might like this. I think I'll like it more than Star Wars. That's kind of where I'm at at this point.

Like, I think one thing I really took away from our experience with the first season of this podcast was like, I'm grateful that I now know all of this stuff because it kind of just checks this box in my head of like, I get it. Like, I don't need to keep wondering or just pretending I know what's going on. I understand. So I'm kind of excited to have that same thing happen here where like, I'll get to know everything about this. But and I do think I want to like it more because already it was easier for me to watch like this was a but but i was thinking this is a really current movie like that was 2001 like that's not that long ago and with star wars we were starting with the oldest movie which was very slow and we had it was a hard sell you know what i mean yeah and we liked some of the later ones more. It was easier for us to watch them. So maybe this will be easier in that sense, too. And this is all on land. I'm not a huge fan of space. Like my main gripe about the movie

Gravity was too much space. Yeah, no, gravity is not for you then. So what is your biggest question coming out of the first movie nicole like what do you feel like you want to understand if anything i guess i want to understand how it was so easy to take down this like really evil fucking monster dude by just chopping his fingy off like that's crazy that's a good question yeah uh so you're talking about in the history and like the preamble of the beginning where the ring also why is one ring bad and the rest are okay why is there even a bad ring i felt like that was my biggest question was like why does does this ring even exist? And also, why don't you just give it to a bad guy? Or would everything be destructed or like ruined if you did that?

I think I can answer that question because that's not stuff that is really touched on in these movies because that's kind of like the historical shit. But watching it this time around, I picked up on way more. watching it this time around i picked up on way more so it seems as though uh all the rings were made for everyone to control power but unbeknownst to the elves dwarves and humans who got them unbeknownst to them there was one ring made that is the evil ring that can control them all and so that's why uh soran is fighting with it in the and he's killing everyone but because he gets his finger cut off where the ring is and that guy who cuts his finger off is a with it and he's killing everyone. But because he gets his finger cut off where the ring is, and that guy who cuts his finger off is a king. So he has like some nobility or some power.

I think because he cuts that finger off, that loses his power. And then they take that ring. It then eventually disappears down at the bottom of the river, which is where we'll learn that Gollum finds it. And eventually he has, and then that's how Bilbo gets it from gollum finds it and eventually has and then that's how bilbo gets it from gollum then bilbo passes it on to frodo and now gollum they learn

gollum has been tortured revealed where the ring is so the ring is coming uh the ring wraiths the nazgul the faceless dudes on horses um they're coming to get the ring because if they get the ring then they'll have control of all the orcs and all this power. And they'll be able to just wipe out the world, more or less. As you're starting to see happen around Sarum, the crazy spinning wizard's castle, where they're pulling trees down. They're creating orcs. They're, like, evil-fying the world. Wait.

Why were they doing deforestation? Was that just, like, being evil and, like, taking away trees from people? Building weapons of war for the orcs to make arrows and carts and all this shit. Nicole, do you feel like when he was talking, you felt like you were at a bar in 2008 and like, okay. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

That's my entire vibe. It's like cornering someone and screaming. I did ask you, but I also don't want to know. I thought it'd be a one sentence answer. Long story short, I got all three Lord of the Rings on Blu-ray. Do you guys want to come? I live nearby. It's funny because it really did feel like I was talking to a guy that I was like, you know, if I listen long enough, he'll just fuck me

and he'll be fine. Nicole, I am that guy. Just keep listening, baby. Is there anyone so wait, so Gabrus, you liked Erwin. You're like, she's a babe. That's who I'd smash.

Lauren, who would you smash? Oh, okay. she's a babe that's who I'd smash Lauren who would you smash oh okay that's a tough one because on one hand I'm like Frodo and then on the other hand I'm I need it to be one of the tall wizards so I guess my answer

no you know I think my answer is Cate Blanchett is she a wizard? she's an elf but she can do magic I thought she was possibly the hottest character I don't like a lass I'm like not really

Viggo Mortensen's character is the hottest he was too because he was really a sharp shooter and now we know was fighting with a actual sword. Yeah. The hottest person for me was Gandalf. I truly said to John.

Yes, that was my, oh God, yeah. I was like, is Gandalf a daddy? And John was like, absolutely not. And I was like, I don't know. Yeah, Gandalf is, he does it for me. Well, how tall is a wizard? He's only like six feet tall. Really?

Yeah, but it's because he's next to three foot hobbits for most of the movie. Oh, I thought they were like 12 feet tall, which I was into. He's kind of like Boromir and Aragorn's height, but he does have a big hat and like, but he's always shot next to the hobbit. So that's going to make him look way taller.

Okay. Well, okay. What are we going to say? Lord of the Rings grossed $47.2 million on its opening weekend. That's crazy. Yeah. And the world premiere was at the Odeon Leicester Square in London.

And it went on to make $887.8 million worldwide. That's wild. And J.R.R. is dead. So he didn't see none of that even know so i wonder if he has like a trust where like his yeah his family has to benefit right right it's so much money i sure hopes that's because amazon just greenlit a lord of the rings series what yeah oh no just in time yeah and uh so i think there was a while where the Token Trust didn't want that to happen

or something like that. Oh. Well, it has 91% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. And in 2002, this film won four Academy Awards. Best Cinematography, Best Visual Effects, Best Makeup, and Best Original Score. I did love the music. I liked the music too.

And I thought the acting was pretty good in it. I'm surprised it wasn't nominated for actors. Oh, yeah. I thought there was some amazing acting in this. I really thought, uh, what's his name? Gandalf. What's his actual name? Uh, Ian McKellen. I thought he was so good at it. Oh, he's amazing. He's so good. He's amazing. Uh, can I ask you guys, did you guys have a favorite part? All my favorite parts are like the most, uh, like heteronormative, did you guys have a favorite part? All my favorite parts are like the most heteronormative, like badass dude with a sword walks at the orcs. You know what I mean? So did you guys have any favorite parts that when you were like,

this part happened, you were like, oh, this is cool. Like, did anything stand out for you guys? Besides like the silly wizard fight, like anything that stood out as like, this is a cool moment. When Dildo bibbler when he morphed into evil and then like morphed back like that scared me like i truly like jumped i was shocked and i liked that i really liked being shocked i liked whenever anyone got evil because it was just creepy and weird and then i liked the parts with the fireworks and the little like party

at the beginning i really liked all the stuff with bilbo actually and i thought it was really cute um he he recently died right yes like somebody on i noticed there was something trending on twitter about someone who else bilbo he died this year or last or like recently this is the this is the the joy of doing the podcast i think is that talking to you makes me more excited to watch the next one because you're so excited. And I do think that helps a lot. You know, Lauren, I'm excited to watch the second one. I am also excited. I think I feel more excitement knowing there are just three for this little segment something like kind of

nice like i think with star wars there was this huge undertaking which this still will be like no doubt because we have a bunch of episodes to fill so we're gonna have a lot of content but i do feel like knowing like okay we can watch these three and that's like a huge amount of this the whole world we can start writing fanfic from that point like we're gonna know what we're talking about so that feels that feels manageable and i'm pretty excited and i also i do think the acting was really great so like it's enjoyable and they're fairly current and that really helps it's well made at least at least it's well made on top of being uh you know, whether whatever you say about the content, whether you like it or not. It's got talented actors.

Well, the visual effects hold up 20 years later, which is pretty hard. They really do. I was surprised. There was a couple of times where I had to ask John if that was CGI or real. And he was like, you think that's really just in New Zealand? I was like, OK. Oh, yeah. They shot in New Zealand.

I didn't realize that. I wasn't aware where they were. So beautiful. Those big fucking wide shots are so gorgeous. yeah wait gabrus do you have anything you want to plug yes please listen to my podcast high and mighty which both of the hosts of newcomers have been guests on before and i also have a podcast called action boys which is a patreon podcast which costs five dollars a month but if you go to website, actionboys.biz or patreon.com slash actionboys, you could listen to about

eight or so episodes for free. And maybe that'll get you hooked, or maybe that'll make you realize you're happy to keep your $5 in your pocket. Nicole, do you have anything you want to plug? Sure! I wrote a book. It's called Very Fat, Very Brave, and it's on

sale everywhere. There's a link in my bio where you can buy it from a black owned bookstore also if you go to gabrus's profile he did a wonderful promo picture that made me laugh so hard my first nude photo i've posted on instagram it was great i am so honored to be a part of it if anyone if anyone deserves me fucking pulling out my fucking little dick for uh promo it's it's you nicole i would labgis deserves it i wouldn't do it to her because it would creep her out too much nicole i know is completely fine with it yeah i squealed it was like look at what my friend did the woman that i daggered on stage at her own podcast at her request yeah yeah i figured it's amazing you have wait i think i saw it's a jamaican dance hall move oh right right right

okay mimic power fucking somebody yes and sometimes it's violent where you'll like push someone off a ledge yeah i've seen women weaves get knocked off in the club from getting daggered too hard. I saw some videos of that. I saw guys jumping off ladders like it was wrestling into women's crotches.

I've watched way too much daggering footage. Very funny. That's so funny. I love it. This is a five Star Wars

segment. I guess we'll rename it Five Hobbits. Rings? Five Rings. Five Rings. Five Rings segment. Five Rings.

He's just miming a ring on his finger over Zoom. He's like, rings, five rings. Five rings. So Jeffrey said, Lauren and Nicole are so horny. I love it. We are. We want people to kiss. And the title of that review was Giving Me Life Day.

Yes. Which is very funny. And I get it. I love it. I get it. I love it. And I also am excited because now the reviews need to be Lord of the Rings centered. So if you can make that part of your review, we're going to love that.

And we'll be back next week for the next installment of the series, The Two Towers. And we have some very special guests lined up. So we're really excited about this. And we're just starting a whole new journey. We just closed the book on Star Wars and we just opened the book on a whole new thing.

And it's... We had a wee break. And now we're back into it. We have like a couple weeks of no homework movies it was nice yeah it was really nice but you know I'm happy to be back I'm happy to be watching no

no it's exciting please tell your male roommates John and Mike that they can text me because I too will be watching the two towers tonight good they will love it I'm sure. Oh my God. We'll see you guys next week.

Bye bye. Bye. That was a Hiddem Original.