Newcomers: Sports, with Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus - White Men Can't Jump (w/ Amir Blumenfeld)

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Lauren and Nicole are back with an epic new season of Newcomers covering legendary sports movies. There’s no better way to kick things off than discussing White Men Can’t Jump (1992) with Headgum founder, co-host of the podcast Segments, and basketball fanatic Amir Blumenfeld! The group gets into their own personal experiences playing sports (both good and bad, mostly bad), understanding the lore of someone’s Favorite Movie, and clear up the misconception that this film's sequel is not called White Men Can’t Jump Again.Follow Amir: Instagram, TwitterJoin us next week for our episode covering Rudy!Like the show? Rate Newcomers 5 stars on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review for Nicole and Lauren to read on the pod!Follow the podcast on Letterboxd.Advertise on Newcomers via Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. it's not about black I don't mean to brag but I'm the greatest that's cuz you never saw me it's not about white honey I'm home how much money did you make today I miss you too I'm sorry honey it's about green I want to find out how good you are I have a business proposal for you, as if you don't mind hustling. What kind of hustling? $500, baby, and you can pick my teammate. Give him the chump. You mean play basketball?

Hey, pretty boy, I got something for you. Shut your anorexic malnutrition tapeworm-having, overdose Dick Gregory Bahamian me and diet drinking ass up give me my money i'll see you hustle hey i never used no goofy white mother hey who you calling goofy white mother give me my money 500 divided by two how much do you love me i love you infinity oh billy you're so stupid you should have said i love you, Infinity. Billy, you're so stupid. You should have said I love you, Infinity plus Infinity. We shoot you, Billy, but first we want the money. There are rules to hustling.

There's an ethics involved. Yeah, that you wouldn't know a damn thing about. Will you explain to this Gladys Knight the pimps? It's pips. The pips. Winning and losing is all one big organic lobule. I hate it when you talk like that. You got that big Z in your fro, man.

What are you, the black Zorro? What are you doing? I'm doing two things. What? I'm making them mad. Most guys don't play good when they're mad. Look, you know you're embarrassing me. That's what you're doing.

Yeah, well, that's the other thing I'm doing. I only have four words for you. White men can't jump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. White men can jump. Yeah! Play ball! It's newcomers! Playing for the home team, it's Lauren Lapkus and Nicole Byer. And of course we have Coach Anya and Coach Allie watching along from the sidelines.

And this season we're covering 10 of the sports movies that we feel are culturally slam donks and we're gonna leave the rest all out on the court this is so natural for us it's so natural i love sports oh i love sports so much today we are going to be watching the iconic basketball film starring Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes, 1992's White Men Can't Jump. And White Men Can't Jump is streaming on Max, or it's available for a fee on any other major streamer. And we're going to spoil this game. We're going to tell you who won the movie. Yeah. yeah well playing for the visiting team today we are so excited to have amir blumenfeld oh no no that's no come on amir is a comedian writer and podcaster that you know from the film a very harold and kumar 3D Christmas. Welcome, Amir. I was in that.

Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate you reading that. That is what I had written up, so I thank you for reading it. Yeah, you wrote that whole bio for yourself. Well, thank you so much for being here to talk about this movie.

Thank you so much. I have a question, Amir. What is your relationship to the sport of basketball and then to this film how long do you got have you heard of basketball yeah so basketball is my favorite thing not just my favorite sport but my favorite thing ever and this movie is my favorite movie ever so the short version is it's my favorite thing ever. And this movie is my favorite movie ever. So the short version is, it's my favorite thing about my favorite thing exponentially rolled into one amazing thing.

So yeah, thank you for having us. Did you play basketball growing up? Yes, but poorly. Were you on a team? Yes, but not a good team. And I wasn't a very good player on the team. Do you play as an adult? I do, but again, good team. And I wasn't a very good player on the team. Do you play as an adult? I do, but again, not well

against other individuals who are not that good either. Wow. So you just find people who kind of suck and then you're like, can we do that together? That is 100% what we do, yes. Other people that look like me.

Wait, Lauren, what were you saying? I interrupted you. No, I was going to ask you because I think both of us played in the women's basketball league. So there's this league in LA that is a public thing that anyone can join. But for some reason,

a ton of improvisers got hooked into this and we were all playing basketball and some continue to this day. But we both, I I think did not succeed no I played one game where I had like an asthma attack and Eugene Cordero was like are you okay and I was like no and also we were playing against like the WNBA these women were so good they weren't comedians I couldn't believe it everyone was so fast there's so much back and forth that I just simply didn't remember yes and I also was playing my team is called the Kimmy Dribblers

instead of Kimmy Gibbler. And I was really excited. I'm really into it. But I was terrible. And I did have a WNB player on my team. And she was amazing. A ringer. Yeah. And she threw a no look pass that hit me in the face because she didn't look at me. Oh, no. And then I had my wisdom teeth removed, unrelated, and they told me my jaw was so thin in that area where my teeth had been sort of growing into my jaw for the last 20 years

that if I were to be hit in the face, I could break my jaw. So I had to quit basketball. Yeah. A thin jaw. So I had to quit basketball. Yeah. A thin jaw. Ever heard of it? I'm slightly better than you two. Based on, I was sort of being humble,

but I would put my rank one above asthma attack and thin jaw. Reserve. What was my team name? I think we were the traveling pants. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What was my team name? I think we were the Traveling Pants. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sisterhood.

That's funny. Like Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Yeah. These are good puns. That's what we bring to the table. These are great puns. Yeah. We were like, we can't play, but we'll bring you a pun.

That's all we got. Puns are my second favorite thing. So I'm so far really into this episode. Great. I'm excited thanks for being here well remembered that my dad was my my basketball coach in fifth grade i was on the fifth grade basketball team and um i was really good at three pointers which much smaller basketball court when you're 10 the way the gym is you know i was probably pretty close i'm good at boxing out fifth grader?

I was not. I don't think I was extremely tall in fifth grade. It wasn't really until middle school that it started to be a thing that was commented on. God. Like, oh, and who's the tallest girl? And then I would, like, stand back to back with another girl and then be like, oh, I'm a little taller. That's awesome.

Yeah. I've never been a little taller. You wish you were a baller? I do. A shot caller? Yes, all of it. I want to be all the allers. Oh, wow.

Well, okay, we have a great new segment here for this season. By the way, can we just say, since we're starting this new season, we're coming off of Martin Scorsese movies. That was like, it took a lot out of us like it was great it was intense it was a it was a film journey this feels already so like like refreshingly light that i can't even handle i was like i watched this movie and i was like this is cake this. This is cake to me. Easy breezy. Easy to watch. I should let you know that you're starting with the best sports movie ever.

So it's kind of only downhill from here. Oh, no. But I'm glad I got to force you guys to watch it. Yeah, I'm really glad. Okay, we have a new segment called The Shot Clock, where each of us will have 20 seconds on the clock to summarize the film. And Anya and Allie will count us down and start the clock. and then we'll hear a buzzer when we run out of time so when we have a tight 20 to get into tight 20 amir do you want to go first so is it three different versions of the same plot

summary i feel like he should go last because like oh yeah or is it like 20 seconds from nicole 20 seconds from lauren and then I take it home for 20 seconds? No, I think we each do our own version. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay, so Nicole, would you like me to go first or do you want to go first? You can go first.

Okay. Okay. Ready? Three, two, one. this is a basketball classic about, um, is, um, going to the court and he's trying to be,

he's trying to play. He's trying to swindle. And Wesley Snipes is like, I swindled you. And then they end up teaming up together and then it all works out in the end. I actually got there. I think it looked like I wasn't going to there at all and i and i really did 20 sounded long so i was like let me just kind of give myself a little time here and then soon it was running

out really fast it'll be funny if a ball hit you in the head again i didn't even play i just did the shot clock game and I broke my jaw. Okay, Nicole, it's your turn. You see how fast that clock moves? It's so fast. Okay. Okay, three, two, one. A white guy and a black guy play basketball.

The white guy is trying to swindle him. The black guy gets hip to it and then they team up together to swindle other people. And then Rosie Perez is trying to get on Jeopardy. And then she wins. And then she breaks up with the white guy because he can't jump but then he can jump but then she's like, oh, I'm already gone and I wanted more of that but basketball

That was so, so good. That was really good I don't know what's left. I mean, I'll do my best but Ready? 3, 2, 1 Billy Hoyle played byson, and Sidney Dean, played by Wesley Snipes, hustle each other and then eventually team up together to take over the Venice courts by taking down

the king and the duck. And they do so by actually making Rosie Perez play Jeopardy. And oh, I'm out of time. Wow. I ran out of time. Wow. I ran out of time. That was honestly really good. All of those were pretty good. Well, we got to take a time out.

Wow. Best season ever. Best season ever. We'll be back with more White Men Can't Jump after a word from our sponsor. Okay, everyone say, okay, everyone has to say ready, break. Okay, one, two, three. Ready, break.

We're back. Nice. I can't believe you guys got whistles for this season. Oh yeah, the budget went up. Yeah, we got whistles. These are 14 karat gold. That's incredible. They're very beautiful.

For Scorsese, you guys got guns. Okay, so this film was released March 27, 1992. Do you know where you were at that point? Yes, I was nine years old in fourth grade, living in LA where the movie took place. Wow. Wow. This movie was written by Ron Shelton.

And guess who directed it? Ron Shelton. Good old Ron. He said, I can't get this in anyone else's hands. And he was right. He was right. Fucking crushed's hands and he was right he was right okay crushed it and he was white he was white yeah could he could he jump he wrote what he knew yeah he didn't play pickup basketball i think that was the origin story he also wrote like bull durham so he's like a sports fan and then this was his basketball movie he wrote wrote what? Bull Durham? Yeah, which is a baseball movie before this.

What is that one? Yeah. It's like Kevin Costner as a pitcher. Is that the one where it's like, if you build it, they will come? That's Field of Dreams. I feel like you guys will see that. You'll watch that one later.

But I've never seen Field of Dreams. I just know that he was like building a baseball diamond so people come to him or something. Yeah. Let's not waste any time with other movies i feel like we're losing sight of let's keep our eyes on the prize this movie was surprisingly sexual it was very sexual and i really like the fashions in it um i feel like nobody dresses fun anymore no i love the styles on the court i was like everybody looks cool and fun and

i every outfit is like just so great great hats great shirts woody harrelson's whole t-shirt collection was fantastic very like that style is now back basically like it's been 30 years exactly and now it's like this is how people dress again i know i can't believe that though isn't that weird it is weird how fashion comes around every 30 years. Well, I do remember in the 90s, I liked dressing like a quote unquote hippie. Oh, yeah. Wearing like bell bottoms and flowers and shit. Yeah. Well, let's jump into this plot.

So in Los Angeles, Billy Hoyt. Nope. Hoyle. What a weird name. Woody Harrelson, who i think is really dreamy he's so hot in this he's so hot in this and if you think he's hot in this you have to watch uh-oh i think it's called like bad offer um no uh proposal bad proposal do you know what decent proposal yes oh my god he's really hot in that anyway i'm I'm sorry. You just called it bad offer. We really need to, we need to. I feel like we're playing taboo. Yeah.

Yeah. Bad. This is a movie. Bad offer. That was amazing. We got there. I've never seen that though. I have heard of that a million times. It is so hot.

Robert Redford is so hot. Demi Moore is also so, it's such a sexy fucking movie. Okay. Okay. so Woody Harrison makes a living hustling street basketball players who assume he can't play because he's white.

Pulling up to the park, he meets Sidney Dean, Wesley Snipes, who looks so good and is lit so well. A smooth talking and talented player who seems to rule the court. To everyone's surprise, Billy manages to beat him twice, taking all his money. Though things get heated

between the two of them on the court, Sidney eventually convinces Billy to team up with him to hustle other unsuspecting players around town. Real quick, let's blow the whistle right here. Because what you just sort of breezed over was one of the best first 15 minutes of a movie ever.

The opening scene was incredible, right? I know I'm speaking from a huge super fan, but did you guys love that or what? I loved it. I had no, what I really liked, I had no idea where it was going, which was fun because this movie has been in the zeitgeist, you know, I'm very aware of it.

But I didn't know what his deal was. And he watches those three men who are like street performers singing a song. And he offered, he's like, he's about to give them 50 bucks. So I'm like, oh, he's a rich shithead kind of guy. And then he's like, just kidding. And he gives him $1. And I was like, oh, so he sucks.

Like, I was like, what? Like, I don't know what I'm supposed to make of this guy. And then he goes and lays on the court and just puts his head on the ball and goes to sleep or whatever he's doing. I was like, what are you up to? You think think this whole movie is a dream i bet there's a theory that says that whoa maybe it is on the ball and he's like and then it like fades to a a ball going in oh my god that's funny the whole like basketball of it all and the like trash talking and stuff i thought was good but also i was like oh my god you guys have to shut up a little bit but like also it was very realistic do you know what i mean i was like oh eventually i've seen this before billy did say that eventually

he's like will you shut the fuck up he's like oh i'm sorry am i getting to you like he realizes like this is like his superpower is talking to people so annoyingly that they're not very good at basketball well and i loved the uh yo mama jokes i feel like this was like a really crucial point in history with those um some of them were terrible i mean like it was like the one where it's like your mom is so fat she fell down and gravy fell out of her leg that made me laugh i was thinking of yeah i should have written down a couple of them they were they were yeah some of them were some I should have written down a couple of them. That's pretty good. They were, yeah, some of them were really solid, and some of them were just like, okay. Then he's like, your mom is an astronaut.

And then he's like, my mom's not an astronaut. It was like, what? My mom's too drunk to be an astronaut, yeah. Well, when that was said to him, I was like, now he's cool, because he's able to take it. He doesn't care. Yeah. Okay, great outfits. Wesley Snipes with the hat.

The tiny brim, which is little son. The baby is wearing the same thing, and it's so cute. Adorable. Good Halloween costume, too. Yeah. And his wife or fiance? His wife. Sidney Dean is married.

Billy Hoyles, yeah. Sidney Dean is married. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Sidney Dean is married. Yeah. Okay. I love that you say first and last names. You love this movie. I love this movie. It's the best movie ever.

I can talk about this movie all day long. It's my favorite movie. I love his wife. I love their whole dynamic. And also when they go to his apartment. So wait, do we ever know who, well, I guess I don't need to jump that far ahead, but do we ever know who robbed him? I don't think we do now. I assume it was Billy Hoyle using his sort of nefarious side hustle.

No, I'm just joking. We never find out who robbed him. Okay. Well, let's jump into where rosie prez comes in because i love her she's great that was a great reveal like she's reading the almanac puts it down it's like is this was she famous back then why was that like a debut of her on the screen did you make any money today it's like boom we know who rosie is was she in a lot of stuff because this was like her her heyday, wasn't it? Yeah. I think this was one of her big first things.

She was in a Spike Lee movie before this, I think. She's so great. When she was reading The Almanac, I was like, that was a lazy choice. I didn't know where it was going at all. I was like, did they give her like a book? I was like, did they give her an interest? They're like, we don't have any books on set. Read The Almanac.

Well, I was looking at their whole apartment going, why do they have the presidents? Like, there's like, like hanging in their bookshelf was like a picture of the first four presidents and i was like that's the worst decoration i've ever seen it all made sense later of course but i was like what is why are they like pretending like these people have no interest but then she did general trivia knowledge yeah her interest is general knowledge and being hot as hell while she grinds on billy saying like pretty quiz me on assassins oh my goodness imagine being a nine-year-old boy in la and watching that movie it was like a sexual basketball awakening that's probably why i like basketball yeah honestly i could see that so billy's live-in girlfriend gloria clement rosie

perez voices her disapproval of bill Billy's constant scheming and constant debt. We learn the two are on the run from the Stoochie brothers. This is absurd. Mobsters to whom Billy owes a bunch of money. Gloria is constantly reading the World Almanac, studying to one day fulfill her dream of being a contestant on Jeopardy. And she just wants Billy to get a stable job and buy her a dress to wear on the show.

I mean, it is a simple thing. Oh, dress to wear on the show i mean it is a simple thing oh the monsters are great yeah yeah it's a simple simple premise i feel like in the 90s it was like mobsters in every movie they're after you you gotta get money it's so funny it is very like an episode of like blossom or something where suddenly there's like a guy chasing you with a gun you're like oh yeah it was like they had such a weird like they were they were just coming to kill him for money he owed them there's like no laws in this town like it feels like anything can happen especially two italian brothers in leather jackets yes i also was like is she not wearing underwear while studying the almanac she was not and he was about to eat her poche and she was like you're stinky and then is she

an alcoholic she secretly I felt that was cut out or something like a storyline that was cut because she goes over when he goes in the shower she immediately like sneakily gets herself a glass of vodka and then she does it like two more times but we never know why and isn't he like are you drinking this like i told you not to drink this as much and then like during the scene where he's after the slam dunk contest she's like drinking wine by herself yeah but it's like who cares like she doesn't seem to have a problem unlike you billy i think you're addicted to gambling. Isn't that worse than alcohol, if you think about it? You're constantly losing all of our money at once. I kept it all in a jar so you wouldn't fucking lose it this time.

I had a problem with that. You didn't like the jar? Well, why wasn't it ordered? Like, it's just stuffed in there. Loose bills and coins in a jar. Yeah, you could face all the money as you count it. It is, like, childlike to just shove it in a jar. You could face all the money as you count it and you can make it. It is like childlike to just shove it in a jar.

Okay, then they have sex. Can we talk about that? Shower sex. Here's what I'm thinking about this. I'm going, there are no sexual coordinators or whatever the word is. No. Intimacy coordinators.

There are no sexual coordinators. There are no intimacy coordinators. There are no intimacy coordinators. This looked raw. It really did. It wasn't even scripted. They couldn't take it. Holy shit. Billy is sweaty.

Can we fuck in the shower? Can we just give you one take where we fucking fuck in the shower before the Stookies get here? Before the Stookies. Yeah, super horn dog um very very horny loved the scenes when they had the sex a lot of good side boob in the movie too she's always wearing like loose tank tops never any underwear i was wondering how those were staying perfectly because i was like did they tape that she had on like his basketball tanks that are like super loose and then they would never move i was like that's that's art yeah probably a little double-sided tape but i like their chemistry their chemistry it was so believable

that they were together and that they loved each other and they were constantly annoyed with one another and they probably had hot hot hot hot sex all the time yeah i like their like their pillow talk when she's like teaching them lessons and it's like, I'm too dumb to understand what you're saying. He does want to try to understand, to sympathize with the dry mouthedness and all that stuff. Yes, his downfall as a character was that he's really dumb. I was like, he's hot, but he's really stupid. Just a real fucking idiot.

Which I can relate to. The scene when they're in the car in the convertible with wesley snipes and then he's playing jimmy hendrix and then they get in that hole like i thought his the relationship between rosie and woody is really cute in that scene where she's like defending him and like the whole band is white or whatever and then like they then he puts on some terrible music and she's like i fucking hate this and he's like yeah it's very cute yeah i think it's cute too okay more summary okay at first billy and sydney's system works out great and the two rake in cash all over town but then they unexpectedly lose a game gloria realizes that sydney has double-crossed billy by throwing the game losing

one thousand seven hundred dollars to a group of sydney's friends. They go to Sidney's apartment and appeal to his wife, Rhonda, Tyra Farrell. The women agree to share the money provided. Sidney and Billy team up for a major two-on-two outdoor tournament. It's perfect. It's perfect. Everything you're saying is great. Yeah. The Vista View Apartments.

Are you kidding me? It's so perfect that there's a tournament. It's amazing. There's a two-on-two tournament happening perfect that there's a tournament it's amazing there's a two right there when they need it and all their friends are over watching the laker game who can't relate to that as a nine-year-old boy and cleaning their guns you gotta get them clean if you're gonna use them i also really like that one game where that man went he was like i gotta get money out of my car. Then held up a convenience store. And then the guy was like, what are you doing? I love that.

Marcus Johnson, an actual five-time NBA basketball all-star. Oh. And he was like acting in this as Raymond. His name is Marcus Johnson, who's now a play-by-play guy for the Milwaukee Bucks. Oh. And just recently, LeBron beat the Milwaukee Bucks. Oh. And just recently, LeBron beat the Milwaukee Bucks. Or sorry, some other Laker beat the Milwaukee Bucks. And he said, Marcus Johnson, as Raymond tweeted, I'm going to go to my car and get my other

gun. And all the white men can't jump on Twitter. We're just loving it. That's amazing. Including me. Yeah. I love that. Oh, just unrelated, but basketball related.

Last night, as I was scrolling Instagram far past the point that I should have, I came across Shaq talking about getting pedicures. Yes, I love that video. Did you see that? His feet are bad. Yes. Did you post it or did I just come across that? I think you just came across it, but I've seen it.

I just want to look at something pretty down there. Yeah, and he was like, they're like, how much do you pay for a pedicure? He's like, $1,000. And then he's like, so my feet are stinky Yeah. And he was like, they're like, how much do you pay for a pedicure? He's like a thousand dollars. And then he's like, cause my feet are stinky. And then he was like, his feet are awful. He was like,

toes are broken and calcified. It looked bad. Why do you, why have you seen his toes? Are they in, are they in Kazam or whatever? Shack at the beach. And then there's like an insert of like the,

a toe, like paparazzi from his feet. Stop. His toes are like over each other, vertically aligned give him a break is he on wiki feed he probably is and his rating is either extremely high or low yeah they got a wiki feed i couldn't believe it i was like first of all a thousand dollars i was like that's amazing being so rich like so he's just never ending rich but like you, you just aren't thinking at all that that could ever be a problem. He also has size 20 shoes or something.

So his one Shaq pedicure is worth four. You guys should watch Shaq's movies next. Yeah, we should. Wait, how many movies does he have? He was in Steel. He was in Kazam. He was in Blue Chips. kazam he was in blue chips and those are just the first three oh my god i'm looking at his feet on wiki feet men i didn't know

it was divided yeah it's uh it's scary stuff i mean imagine i gotta see oh wow running for a living for two decades yeah no i mean it's like being a ballerina he's gonna have some fucked up feet oh they are really they do look like they might be stinky um oh these nails he also said his mom like when he was young he had like a toenail that fell off which makes me want to barf honestly but um his mom might put red nail polish on his toes and then he was like i should always have nail polish so he was like that's how he got into it but he likes to do designs he said i like that and i'm looking at his feet with some toenail polish on and they look good i like that too i think that's great i'm happy for him he's a confident man yes amir would you ever polish your toes i've gotten a pedicure once it was pretty fun but nothing I ever sought to desire to do again.

But it was like very comfortable. Well, yeah, I think even if you don't get a nail, even if you don't get a color, it's nice to get your feet cleaned up. Yeah, I felt kind of bad. It was like somebody down there like scraping dead skin off my big toe. I think men should feel bad about that. They should. You're not getting them often and it's a lot of dead skin yes right when women when we're doing it regularly it's not that bad

every time if you've never done it then i went with a friend once and they pulled out like a it felt like a chainsaw like it was like they had to plug something in for her feet like dumb and dumber so bad oh i've never seen dumb and dumber all right throw it on the pile add it to the list this is amazing that's a really fun one truly i've truly never seen anything i just saw a robocop for the first time that was great it's fun did you guys like the basketball scenes in this movie yeah i love the basketball and robocop oh baby unexpected um i love the basketball scenes and i was wondering how um good everyone was at basketball before yeah they had a basketball

not an intimacy but a basketball coordinator like one of ron shelton's friends like who played at princeton was like corey they like guess, practiced for six weeks before the actual shoots. And like Wesley Snipes was good at dribbling, but not necessarily good at shooting. And Billy was sort of the opposite. He was a good shooter, but not a great dribbler. So they were like practice these plays and these sets. And then when they finally got to start playing, they were pretty good together. That's so fun.

That feels like if you like basketball and you just like to play, like that would be the best job ever where you get to be trained and get paid. That's so fun. That feels like if you like basketball and you just like to play, like that would be the best job ever where you get to be trained and get paid. That's so fun. I mean, sign me up. Yeah. Do you want to be in White Men Can't Jump 3? Yeah. Yeah, sure. I'll take it.

Boy, the real groan before. I only made a second one, which was sort of disappointing. The hypothetical third one makes me really sad. But I guess if I'm in it, I'll allow it. Were there monsters in the second one? You know, I didn't see the second one. Oh. So are you a fan?

I was boycotting. Yeah, I'm such a big fan that I've, because like, whenever you guys talk about these like Batman or Marvel movies, I'm so disconnected from that whole world of like cinephiles and comic book nerds or like people like, I'm so disconnected from that whole world of like cinephiles and comic book nerds or like people like I'll never watch the remake. And I always roll my eyes like, what do you care? And then they're like,

we're making white men can't jump again. And I'm like, Oh, I'll never watch the remake. It's finally my time to shine. It's like, it's, it's called again.

The white man can't jump again. Is it? Oh, I thought you just said the title was white men can't jump again. White men still cannot even hop. White men still can't jump again is it oh i thought you just said the title was white men can't jump again white men still cannot even hop white men still can't hop white men still can't jump again i heard it was bad so i'm glad i didn't waste any time watching it fair despite their constant bickering sydney and billy win the tournament and the grand prize of five thousand dollars largely due to billy's ability to interrupt or disrupt his opponent's concentration and getting in the zone when he does tell him to shut up i was like thank god because it was a lot i was like oh yeah i know the stakes were high at

that point i mean this is the tournament we're talking about i mean it feels almost like that would be near the end but it was not that's how good of a movie it is i know and then they go through the dumb contest and i'm whenever i re-watch the movie i'm like just don't do this part like i don't want like just go home billy like yeah it is real fucking cringe yeah go home and now they he loses it all because wesley says the titular line white man can't jump and they can't i guess it's just so it's because he's so dumb he has to like try and he's like not able to see that he he could have helped get out of debt and save his relationship i heard recently that they did an actual bet during the making of that scene in which billy did dunk it or woody did dunk what there's some

cosmic consolation that woody harrelson that night did win a bet oh that's kind of fun yeah it is fun i mean he must have been trained to dunk at that point i think the rim was a little low okay they cheated already taking it away from him already did yeah wow you got jealous because we like thought that was cool You already called him hot. I mean, what am I supposed to do? I feel utterly emasculated on this episode. The rim was really low and the ball was smaller. I could have dunked a grapefruit through it. It would have been easy.

I just can't palm the ball. So, yeah, Sidney was happy to win, but he can't help mocking Billy because he can't slam dunk. Annoyed, Billy offers to bet his share of the weddings on his ability to dunk Cindy gives him three chances taunting him by saying white men can't jump and when I hear the title of a movie in the movie I get pretty excited I love it do you think that do you think that the title came first or the scene came first I think the title came first the scene the scene do you think that this guy who rob ron shelton or

whatever when he wrote it he was like i want to write a movie called white men can't jump or do you think he was like he got to this part of the scene then he was like white men can't jump and he was like oh it's the title i actually read that he had the title first he was like that's a perfect title and then walked backwards yeah it is a good title you just have a good title and and that's just where it goes that makes sense it's unique it's interesting it's memorable yeah it is it's very memorable hoosiers what the hell is that that's a fucking nothing burger well why man can't jump now that is hoosiers exactly what is hoosiers what is hoosiers indiana people because yeah i guess that's what i know that's the only thing i know about hoosiers but is. What is Hoosiers? Is Hoosiers Indiana people? Because I'm from Illinois and that's what I know. That's the only thing I know about Hoosiers.

But is it a movie about people from Indiana? I think so, yes. But we're not here to talk about that. No, we're here to talk about white men can't jump. Can you come out and play? Remember that song? That was good. No.

Can you come out and play? Yeah, it's like during one of the basketball montages. Yeah, they had really, really solid early 90s. The whole vibe of the whole thing was very pleasing to my eyes. I will say. It was pleasing to me, too. And I liked it a lot. But I really wanted more Rosie Perez.

I did, too. Yeah, she stole the movie. I kind of more Rosie Perez. I did too. Yeah, she was, she stole the movie. Well, because I kind of couldn't believe, like, so by the time she gets on Jeopardy, I'm like, wanted to see her get the call. Yeah, I wanted to see more of that. It was a dream. She studied so hard.

And I thought it was a dream when we got to that part. I thought it was, like, not going to be real. Because I was like, suddenly she's actually, like. I mean, the smash cut from the hook shot. Yeah. The hook shot with like the POV of the rim swish. Dan and it is a very cool moment, too. It is.

They might have just like cut everything else in between. Yeah, I did feel like a lot of her storyline probably was cut because I'm like, we get the alcoholism yet. She's like great at trivia. She performs really well. Like, I'm just like. Maybe that's what it is she's gotta be drunk he's controlling it could just be that he doesn't want her to drink

because he's controlling though do you know like that kind of person oh yeah yeah yeah yeah it's actually not a big deal but now I have to hide it okay did you like when he visited her on set playing the song um when he visited her on set playing the song um when he visited her on set playing the song when he visited her at jeopardy and they were like she doesn't want to see you and then

he forces his way in anyway because he's a slightly abusive and then he sings to her and she's like okay i'll go back to you he's super convincing it must have been an awesome song he's a bit of a swindler as we know he's a hustler yeah and i know you don't mind hustling so billy loses the bet when he said white men can't jump he was like so threatened forfeiting his share of their winnings to sydney and dejected he buys gloria a dress i couldn't believe this he buys her dress as an apology on his way home but when he tells her she's furious and leaves him anyway. So I was first of all going, how did he afford the dress? Because I felt like he had no money at that point.

And then he, I didn't, so he gave her the dress. She was so excited, but then he had to tell her he lost all the money. And then he sets a fire in his own apartment. Yeah, that was wild. She knocks over a table with candles on it and neither of them seem to care. That is a huge problem. Yeah. And it's burning up everything. I was like, no one cares. He found it.

He like turned around and he noticed. But it was like after that, like moving. What is it? It you. You happened again, Billy. And it was like this crazy emotional moment that he's like i don't care that everything's on fire it was very the uh everything is fine meme so he's like so focused on this thing she's getting away by the way billy the apartment's on fire he turns

around oh shit take cares of that and then i think it's so wild that he's like i'm gonna buy her a dress that's gonna make her happy and then i'm gonna tell her i lost all of our money and expect her to be like at least i got a dress i know and then i was looking the brand was something interesting it was something really 90s it was like it was like contempo casual it was yeah but it was like something like it was like an adjective that was like fabulosity or something. Okay, so desperate to get her back, Billy goes to Sydney for help. Sydney reveals he has a friend who works as a security guard

at the TV studio that produces Jeopardy. It doesn't feel like that would help you get on. I honestly don't know that that would help you get on. Once you're through security, anybody can be on the show. The hard part is getting onto the lot. If you have a parking pass, you can meet Alex Trebek that day. Ooh!

His friend agrees to use his connections to get her on the show if Billie can sink a hook shot. Okay, which he does. Gloria appears on the show wearing Billie's dress, and though she initially stumbles over sports questions,

she sweeps the remaining categories, stunning the other contestants, and winning $14,100. Who's that start with the letter Q? I know, I was like, oh, you actually really prepared for that one. That's really specific. And I got one right. I said, quiche. Which one did you say?

Quiche. That was the first one. And I said, quail? Quince? The forbidden fruit? Quince? When she says quince, it's so cute. I love her teeth and her dimples And I said, quail? Quince? The forbidden fruit? Quince? When she says quince, it's so cute. I love her teeth and her dimples.

She's like, quince. I mean, and Billy's so proud. He's like in the audience secretly watching. Oh, she studied for this one. She knows this one. Yeah, she studied for this one, which is such a funny thing to say. That would never happen. That you would have actually studied said that letter of the alphabet.

Everything else is completely believable. Everything else in the movie is perfect. I also loved that the returning champion was so mad that she was getting all of them right. He was like, what? I know. Come on. What? I loved it.

Do you guys want to be on Jeopardy? It's my dream. So I'm just saying that. I would love to be on Jeopardy, but I don't think I would do well. Yeah, I'm afraid I would embarrass myself. I feel like Celebrity Jeopardy! is a little bit kinder to the contestants.

Yeah, it's much easier. But it would be so fun. It'd be fun if White Man Can't Jump was a category and then one of them was food. The answers was foods that start with the letter Q. This is the category that helped Rosie Press' character win the game.

What is, what is, what is foods that start with the letter Q? But I would only want to go in jeopardy with Alex Trebek and that's no longer an option. I know. I know. It's really tough. only want to go in jeopardy with alex trebek and that's no longer an option i know i know it's really tough i i did get to do wheel of fortune with um pat sajak which i was really excited about retiring and i was thrilled that i got and with vanna of course but she's going to be sticking around with ryan seacrest is my understanding ryan seacrest is going to host wheel of fortune

yeah i was worried he doesn't have enough doesn't need more that's so wild it's always tough with that because you're like can we throw paul f top kids in there because i could see that that would be a delight amazing who do we talk to i don't know i mean i have a friend that's a security guard on the line. If I make a hook shot on the Sudan, you know, the flag on the backboard. Yeah, thank you. Paul gets to host Jeopardy forever. What is the flag on the backboard called? The Sudan, yeah, that was the country. He's like, no, that's Ghana.

You're shooting on the Sudan, which is like the backboard of African flags. Yeah. Yeah, it's in the movie. I feel like we need to watch it again. Can we just pause? Let me blow the whistle one last second. You really know this movie verbatim. I've seen it 1,065 times.

Wow. I mean, what's your favorite movie? What movie have you seen more than any movie ever? Houseguest, Ghost, and My Cousin Vinny. There you go. Yes. Imagine us talking about one of those. Big. There you go. So. Yes. Imagine us talking about one of those.

Big. You're right. A big is my favorite and 13 going on 30 because I also just love when people body switch. So I was like, I'm in on this one.

Actually, Rosie Perez and Marissa Tomei have a similar vibe going on. They do. And I very much was into it. And Vinny could ostensibly be a Stooky, not brother,

but cousin. Okay. There's a world where these are the same universe i feel like when you were most movies in the 90s are pretty similar sorry yeah no yeah i know they are it's it's very the the the simplicity of it is so like calming to me but it feels like you couldn't get away with it now no but at all um i was gonna say when you were a kid watching this and it's in la and stuff like did you connect with things like that were shot in la like i was definitely aware of certain things that shot near my home like home alone was shot near my where i grew up and like other things so like you're like oh it's that was like you kind of figure that out at some point. And that's cool.

It was very like Venice beach. Those were like the courts they were playing on, but then some of the courts were in parts of LA. They didn't let me go to as a nine year old, but it was still fun to have like LA be the backdrop. Venice beach looked more pleasant then in the reality. It kind of hasn't changed, but that's not good.

This country's got to shit. And I'm glad we're talking about it. Everybody put your whistles down. It's always a spectacle over there, but you know. It's always a spectacle over there. That's what it says on the thing as you enter. Skateboarders doing flips and people working out and stuff. And then there's weed being's like weed being sold and like before it was legal i love that you sound like a 50 year old woman there's a lot of hullabaloo happening over by the beach over there well it's not my

it's not my preferred place to relax fair i get that um so back to this uh summary afterwards billy sings gloria a song he wrote for her in her dressing room and wins her back as billy and gloria discuss their future sydney approaches billy for help his apartment was burglarized and his winnings were stolen dashing his hopes to move his family into a better neighborhood gloria wants billy to quit the hustle and settle down but sydney informs him that two hoop legends of la of la streetball scene the king and the duck which is pretty funny oh my god our play duck johnson is playing at venice beach that's we gotta play this isn't a real man right not a real guy oh okay good i was like did i miss did i miss a basketball legend um okay he is now because he's

in the movie but yeah uh billy enthusiastically agrees to take him on offering to gamble his share of gloria's take because she gave him two grand to like go get clothes to get a job and he's like i'm gonna keep hustling gloria warns billy that if he gambles with her money she's leaving him no matter what even if he he and Sidney win. Billy sides with Sidney, feeling that he must honor the obligations he owes Sidney for getting Gloria on Jeopardy. They play a final game against King and Duck, winning at the last minute when Sidney lobs an alley-oop

pass to Billy, who dunks it. Amazing. I felt that he would end up with Gloria. Same. I was pretty surprised. Kind of cool that it didn't happen right she's a woman of her word and i respect her she's strong she independent she don't need no man and she's drunk as hell and nobody can taste it she ended up with that really hot security guard from jeopardy so billy returns home happy to have doubled his share of gloria's winnings but he's crushed to find that gloria's kept her word and left him for good the mobsters who are after billy find him and he pays off his debts this was so

silly they had him pose like he was dead with blood coming out of his mouth nothing has ever it's so 90s and i was like he's's not dead. Like I was just like, you just go, that's silly. Billy asked Sydney to set him up with a real job and Sydney tells him that he and Gloria may be better off without each other after all. The film ends with Billy and Sydney launching into yet another basketball argument

returning to the court where they first met to play a one-on-one game, this time as the best of friends. As best friends. That is so cute. It was a cute ending. The silhouettes of the ball being passed back and forth. I mean, it's just an amazing film. Through and through. What would you guys rate it?

A plus? A plus plus? Would you give it a solid A? We're gonna get to that at the end. That's at the end. Sorry, no spoilers. Yeah. I don't want to give away how I felt. Yet. But I hated it. Thought it was incredibly offensive. Well, the reception of this movie has mostly favorable reviews.

It was nominated for American Film Institute Top 10 Movies in the Sports Category. And Stanley Kubrick, whose movies I've never seen, has cited it as one of his favorite movies. That's actually really funny. That's the next season of newcomers right there. I don't think, Oh, it's like every time I say, I don't think something can be as it will,

it will happen. You'd be surprised how many movies that man made. You haven't seen the shining. No, I've seen that. I've seen, did he do, um,

the Tom Cruise? Oh, eyes wide shut. Yeah. Yeah. I watched that. Never seen um, the Tom Cruise? Oh, Eyes Wide Shut. Yeah. Yeah. I watched that. I enjoyed that. Oh,

look at you, Lauren. Yeah. Well, no, that was, so I watched, I watched Eyes Wide Shut.

This was like, like day 12 of the pandemic. I was like, I'm going to watch all the classic movies I've never seen. And then I put that on and I was like, that was good. And then I didn't watch anything else. It was truly like,

I'll wait till they pay me to do a podcast it was the only it was the only one and I liked it there was no reason to stop I was like that was good that was so funny that you loved it and you're like I won't do this again I think I'll just watch

90 Day Fiance for four years so here's a little trivia. The heart wants what it wants. It does. Director Ron Shelton held pickup games with actors as part of casting. Oh. There you go. That's so, oh my God.

My husband would just love to do that. He loves basketball. That would be like the coolest audition ever. Does he like this movie? He does. He does. He was very excited. I was watching it.

All right, cool. Keanu Reeves was considered for the part of Billy. That's great. But director Ron Chilton didn't feel he could convincingly play a basketball player. Why the fuck not? Because he's like more of a surfer dude. I guess. He's tall.

Yeah. And surfer. Yeah. And he's got, you know. We're not recasting Woody Harrelson. End of fucking story. Next trivia. Wow.

Whoa. Sorry about that. Just to praise your lover, Woody Harrelson. End of fucking story. Next trivia. Wow. Whoa, sorry about that. Just to praise your lover, Woody Harrelson stood out and already had great chemistry with Wesley Snipes from playing opposite him in 1986's Wildcats. Have you seen that? No. I have not. But I did know that this was their second movie together.

And then they did Money Train after. Oh, wow. They were a little buddy team. That's right. Wesley Snipes wasn't a great basketball player, but Shelton said he was a good, quote, athlete and had the right swagger for the role. I don't know why athlete's in quotes.

Because I guess he wasn't really an athlete. Yeah, he wasn't an athlete. But he's good at sports. Gloria's role was originally supposed to be an upper-class white at smith or barnard who runs away with the bad boy rosie left such an impression on ron shelton that he rewrote the part for her i love that that's so great i feel like she was in a period of just like impressing everyone at this time like everyone was just like loving her she was so charming and delightful she really

is and she's so beautiful and she's so fucking funny if we've ever talked about her i'm sure i brought this up but i don't know if she's ever been in any of the movies we've watched is she in lord of the rings no what i'm kidding i'm kidding i'm completely kidding um wasn't she gollum i feel like she was sanwise ganja i was like is she in the movies i was like scanning the movies going how could that ever be that's but do you know the izuzu trooper like bit whatever i don't know for some reason i saw this on tv when i was a kid and it stuck with me forever i think she was on jay lena or david letterman and she's like she got a new car and it's an izuzu trooper and then he kept making her say and she's like

my izuzu trooper and it was just i never forgot and it was iconic tv appearance um love her she's adorbs she's great she was recently in the flight attendant which she's so good in it yes uh i was so excited to see her put her in more things who do we call i know a security guard okay in an interview with this guy's a fucking genie you can make any wish come true if you make a hook shot from 75 god he's obsessed with hook shots um in an interview with vulture rosie recounted how well she and her co-stars got along during filming she said every time i think about white men can't jump it's just the three of us hanging out down at venice beach and having way too much fun the first day with woody the chemistry was immediate same with wesley i don't even know

how we filmed it because we couldn't stop cracking up at every little thing i remember ron shelton yelling at us a lot saying would you guys get effing serious we're doing a movie that's so i love that i love that it is so cute that's really nice and the chemistry comes through that is nice because you know you have those moments with people where it's just so fun then you have those other moments where you're like you're like i don't like these people um but my favorites when you're like i want to hang out with you guys all the time and i'm sad this is ending yes um in the film woody harrelson's character makes a reference to suspected john f kennedy assassin lee harvey oswald in real life Harrelson's own father had also been targeted as a possible accomplice in the killing. What? What?

Yikes. His dad was a hitman. Who's dad? Whoa. Woody Harrelson's. That's awesome. Wow. So Scorsese might have been interested in his storyline. Crossover.

That's so wild. His dad's just openly an assassin? Yeah, that's crazy. You can't just have that be your job. And then you became an actor? Like, what? I would be like, no, you gotta keep it low-key. It just sounds confusing.

It's like, yeah, I'm sure there's a tax guy who understands it. No, but that's also making the reference to it i feel like i'd be afraid to ever say anything about that i'd just be like maybe that's how good his dad was he was like whatever mention me all you fucking want they're never gonna catch me see if i care um and then the and then our favorite category foods that start with the letter q was an actual category on an october 1997 episode ofopardy. Oh, that's fun. It took them a long time because the movie came out in 1992. I know. They were like,

hmm, can't think of anything. Oh, I just watched this movie on VHS. They wanted to make sure it was out of theaters so nobody was cheating. Did I say something wrong? Nope, we weren't even listening to you We got excited because we thought we could blow our whistles again Where? Where did you get that?

We have to take another time out We'll be back with more White Men Can't Jump after this Ready? Ready? Break! Break! break! Break. Now it's time for the newcomer's draft. We're going to recast this movie with present day actors. Who shall we

pick? Oh my god, so I think Amir's going to get really upset because we're trying to recast the film. Yeah, obviously. Just use the same actors. They're all still cool and good at acting and aged wonderfully. Okay, but this is just pretend. Oh, okay, so Glenn Powell, Sidney Sweeney,

and then for Woody, let's go... So Billy and Sidney are Glenn Powell and Sidney Sweeney? Yeah, Sidney Sweeney is Sidney, because it's like Sidney Dini, Sidney Sweeney, obviously. Yeah, too Sweeney is Sydney. Cause it's like Sydney, Sydney, Sweeney. Obviously that makes sense. Yeah.

And she does say it's hard. Goddamn work. Making something this pretty look like a chump, which would, I guess makes sense coming out of Sydney Sweeney's mouth. And then yeah. Rosie Perez could be, I don't know.

Nicole. Thank you. I would do Billy's. Billy is Nick Kroll. Okay. The knee is Sam Richardson. Oh. A comedy.

It's a comedy. A buddy comedy. And they're goofy as all hell. Gloria is Nicole because I just think you should be in it. I'm the Stoochie brothers, but I'm playing twins. You're a Stoochie Siamese sister. Yeah, am I saying, is it Stoochie? I think it's Stoochie.

It's spelled Stoochie, it's pronounced Stoochie. So I'm the Stoochie brothers, and it's two of me. One of you. Yeah, and we're awesome. It's like, you know, they don't do enough of it's like a word twins and I play both roles, but one of them is short.

It's like usually you don't do it enough. Like the movie twins? Yeah. No, but like if it's the same actor, they don't really do that enough. Like, yeah,

they make them identical. And it's like, what if I was playing fraternal twins? Like, that's funny. We're just in the social network. Slightly off. Yeah.

I tried to watch the social network. That was a tough movie for me. I watched it when I came out and liked it. So I don't know what I would think now. I didn't get through it. I like your casting, Lauren. I would just change Gloria from me to Cardi B. Oh, that would be really good.

Okay. Well, do you want to be one of the Stooky Brothers with me? Yes, I would like that very, very much. All right, which one are you guys going to be? Because you have to choose now. You can't just show up on the day. Yeah, what are their names? Stooky A and Stooky B. They actually don't have names on the thing.

I'll be B. They don't have names? They are simply the Stookys. I'll be A, I guess. That works. One of them recently passed away all right very sorry that's sad yeah yeah okay well time for kiss cam perfect transition i know oh yeah i should have blown my whistle time for kiss cam i don't want to like blow ferris's ears out

oh i've been really just going for it. Name the best smooch from the movie or who you wish you saw smooch on the big screen. You nasty little sluts. Jesus. I mean. So it's obviously the Stoopies going at it. Yeah, you wish. You wish they were going at it.

I mean, obviously Rosie and Woody have great chemistry. So good. Really felt like they were a couple, okay? Who I wish I saw. Yeah, what do you wish? Wesley Snipes. I wish I saw a little kissing from Wesley. He looks so fucking good in this movie.

A little peck. Some little kisses here and there. No, I wanted a sex scene from Wesley. I felt like we could have. Oh, isn't there one? Yeah. When Billy goes home after the dunk contest, he's like in a sad state with Rosie.

And I thought they show Sidney back at home with his wife. They do. They do. There is actually a sex scene. Because I remember they show his back and her hands. Oh, my bad. All over it. But you don't see as much as you do in the Rosie and Woody scenes.

You kind of just, it's implied more than anything. And I don't want implications. I want facts. You don't want penetrations. Say it. Hoo! Hoo! Okay, this is the part you really wanted to happen earlier, Amir.

This is the scoreboard it's time for reviews score score score as always we are going to read reviews from letterboxd and then we're each going to give a one sentence review ourselves and a star rating and letterboxd if you don't know is a social platform where people can write reviews of films and we're on there at letter or at we're not at letterboxd we're at letterboxd we were the first account we created the website so they should have squatted it um are you on letterboxd i'm not actually i wanted to make a letterboxd one time during the pandemic as well because i don't watch a lot of movies but it would just be like i don't know everywhere everywhere all at

once and like this movie is random and then that's the only review for any movie on the entire thing but I didn't even do that I'm off that app you should do it I think you should do it okay if you're listening to this follow me on letterboxd to read that one review of the one movie and what's

your username letterboxd but with three Xs. Oh, so people are going to think it's only porn reviews. Correct, but it's for everywhere, everywhere, all at once. What is that movie called? Everything, everywhere, all at once. Everything, wait, what is it? Everything, everywhere, all at once.

It's a good movie. So good. Well, this is a three and a half star review by Lydia Roberts. Hater. Oh, wow. Audibly said, drip every time Snipes, Harrelson, and Perez wore a new outfit. Okay. So, okay, Lydia only cares about the clothes, but that still got a pretty good score.

Imagine sitting in your house just going, drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. Stylish movie for sure. It is. and that's the thing now the now the kids

can appreciate this so this is a time for it to come back yep those kids rowdy at the san amante or no the venice beach they're being rowdy and they can appreciate the fashion they're probably selling neon shirts over there i'm sure not that i'll ever see it again no i neon shirts over there, I'm sure. Not that I'll ever see it again. No, I end up over there. I feel like Venice Beach is a place you end up at for various reasons. Where someone's like, here, let's go out to eat. You pick the place and they pick somewhere on Venice Beach. And you're like, okay, I guess I'm driving.

Yeah. I actually just remembered I had a job for a day. That was like a one-time gig to work for Burt's Bees and hand out lip balms. But what we had to do, we all had to wear yarn beards so we looked like Burt. And then we had to ride. There were like bikes that were attached to smoothies machines, like blenders. And if you rode the bike, made a smoothie and so we had like no wonder you hate venice beach listen to this you had a nightmare job this is insane made like

a hundred to two hundred dollars i have to hope doing i probably made like a hundred thousand dollars i'm like i'm praying it was a hundred because i'm like it had to be worth whatever minimum wage at least yeah i mean like you know what i'm saying but um it was $100 because I'm like, it had to be worth whatever. No more wage at least. Yeah. I mean, like, you know what I'm saying? But it was, yeah, we handed out lip balms and I pocketed like 20 lip balms and I had them for years because they still were good. Then I think you got paid more than $100. Sold them on eBay for $3 a tube. You got paid and moisturized lips.

It was a crazy day. It was a crazy day. This is your Letterboxd reviewed? Focus. Okay, Amir and Ali are also going to give reviews. And if anybody wants to go first, please do so. Amir, would you like to go first? What makes a perfect film?

Gosh, many things. The writing, the acting, the direction, the subject, the twists and turns of this story, the way the lines are delivered. Everything is just handed to you perfectly. And it ends with a beautiful, not thud, but fart that leaves you wanting even more, though I'm glad they never made a sequel, five stars. Wow. Okay.

Beautiful review. Thank you. Who would like to go next? I'll throw mine into the ring. Perfect 90s story. Competition. Sports. And the threat of being shot in the head.

Five stars. Swish. Oh, they can go up to five? Shit. What did you say? Did you say four? I said four. I thought it was out of four.

I thought you said five. I thought you said five, too. Okay, good. I think you said five. I did say five. You said five. You gave it four. I think it's a five star.

This is a super fun watch. Very enjoyable. Anya, Allie? No pressure. I'm, I cannot, we haven't talked about this at all. I'm so nervous to hear what you think. I'm going to go with three and a half stars. Out of five?

Yeah. I'm going to say not a slam dunk, but close. And honestly, if Amir wasn't here, well, no, I just, I hope this doesn't affect like my paycheck. You would go lower. Whoa. I just, I thought it was good, but I didn't. Well, yeah, I guess if I'm being completely honest, I wasn't like,

I wasn't like. I wasn't like. You made Lauren change her score. I wasn't like jumping up and down. Like, I can't believe what's happening. But I felt like if it's on. Yeah, but that's the bar. What movie are you doing that to?

Jumping up and down? I can't believe what's happening. What are you, Cirque du Soleil? It's a fucking movie. But if it's on TV again, I would not change the channel. I'm like, I like it. I'm in. That's three and a half stars.

That's five. For me, it's five. Oh, you said five? Three and a half is a seven out of ten. I went hard, but I think Amir influenced me a lot. Like, I feel like I'm fucking scared now to say my truth. Like, I feel like. He's being a review Nazi.

Well, this is what's crazy is that, that like every season i always hem and haw over my star number because i feel like okay if i'm going to say this is five that means the rest but because this is our i think this is our first season where the movies aren't connected to each other so it's not like i'm reading them against each other i'm just saying did i like it you know like normally it's like if it's out of all of the Star Wars, then I would say this one's my favorite. I can't name which one right now. It's better than every Star Wars, Marvel, Batman movie. I do think it is better than all of Star Wars.

I'm going to say. Better than Star Wars, five stars. Can that be your review? Better than five Star Wars. Four stars, better than Star Wars. Wars Four stars Better than Star Wars Four stars Better than Star Wars Oh wait okay Here's my real review

Four stars Better than Star Wars I really like this story Of a real romance Between two men And a ball That's what you call Rosie Perez

No No Ball as in good time No Ball as in basketball That man gave up That's what you call Rosie Perez. No. Ball is in good time. No, ball is in basketball. That man gave up Rosie Perez for basketball. That is true. And his new friend that he barely knows.

That is true. I'm going to give it four stars and say this is how I want to dress this summer. And I wish a one star missing because we don't see Rosie sneak onto the lot. Yes. Yes. We. Yes. Allie, also, you sound like you're in a well. I think Riverside, whatever we're on, is like making you two both seem like you're just like far away from everything. I muted them because they gave it less than five stars. Wow.

Amir, dominating. It's awesome call me Eddie the King Faroo and Duck Johnson because I'm dominating we're gonna call you all of that

yeah yeah I guess you can choose one or the other wait Amir have you seen Eddie that's a basketball movie I've seen I have

yeah I have seen Eddie did you like it I did Rick Fox is an Eddie yes he is how many stars would you give Eddie? I would give it five and a half. People would say it out loud, but he's holding up the middle finger.

I would give it four. Okay, that's good. You think Eddie is better than this movie? I think so. Oh, I got to watch Eddie. Well, you can't. It's not streaming anywhere. You got to buy the vhs and a

vhs player like i did okay that's three hundred dollars to watch too much work i can't believe that is how that went can you just digitize it for us yeah why don't you just like put that on youtube you know i don't know how to do any of that just shoot it on your phone and just live stream it's just shaky and i'm laughing. A TikTok live stream of Eddie. Everybody, if you're watching this, TikTok live stream of Eddie's happening tonight. It's like part 57, who the fuck did I marry? Eddie. And it's just

like you doing clips of Eddie. All right, I'll do it. Amir, do you have anything you want to plug? Watch White Man Can't Jump if you haven't yet and listen to newcomers as Nicole and Lauren talk about movies that aren't quite as good as White Man Can't Jump if you haven't yet. And listen to Newcomers as Nicole and Lauren talk about movies that aren't quite as good as White Man Can't Jump, but hopefully are as close to as good as that movie. Thank you for plugging us. Yes, that was so kind.

Keep listening. Keep listening. And please, listeners, write a review for Newcomers on Apple Podcasts. And rate our podcast on Spotify. Of course, five stars only. And we'll be back next week with Rudy. What is a Rudy? I don't know.

What is Rudy? I've heard about this a lot. I feel like there's a really important catch of a football happening in this one. Another sports movie in Indiana. Okay. That's all I'll say. Okay. Well, everybody say newcomers on three.

One, two, three. Newcomers! Newcomers is a HeadGum original hosted by us, Nicole Byer and Lauren Lapkus. Our executive producer is Anya Kanavskaya. Our producer is Ali Khan. Our theme music, editing, sound mixing, and mastering is done by Faris Manji. Listen to new episodes wherever you get your podcasts every Tuesday. That was a Hidgum Original.