NO FOMO - 17. Summer Solstice

Episode Date: June 22, 2022

Welcome Back Fomo Sapiens. This week we start the Mommy of the Week Segment, breakdown the best Burger, and try to read only fans captions without laughing. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com! SOCIALS + LINKS: linktr.ee/nofomo/

Your pussy is calling my name. Your pussy is calling my name. Ladies and gentlemen, hello and welcome back to episode 17 of No FOMO. Goddamn, I feel like it's fucking zipping by. Didn't we just... Dude, we just started last week. I feel like we just hit 10 like two weeks ago. Yeah, two weeks ago was 10.

So it's been at least seven weeks since episode 10. Yeah. Today's a pretty big day in san diego at least all of southern california and everywhere around the northern hemisphere because it's the summer soltus it's the solstice summer soltus summer sultan it's sultan uh it's the longest day of the year you know and it really kicks off my favorite season which isn't official but it's hot girl summer boys it's yes no what do we say it was we had a we had another name for it well we have our own thing but this is what what was it for the women short king summer short king

summer short king summer so so to all you short kings out there it's your time to shine baby yeah you know the summer solstice the lat like three years ago on the summer solstice was the year that i tried to drink uh the 30 rack and a half in a day oh to yourself to myself we both did it yeah that was um that was a big day so fell asleep at the club i fell asleep at the club and got kicked out yeah was that at omnia yeah yeah i think we had a show right yeah you got you were asleep on the couch because i had already completed the 30 beers at that point and then before we went into that show morg had a handle in the back of his car and we took like five shots each yeah and then your kid was as you should you were active as shit but at the same time not even active was that or was that the time that i got kicked out and got

back in no no you could you know no that's the time somebody found you so many times i got kicked out yeah oh yeah that was the time that i woke up in gail's girlfriend's driveway with puke oh yeah yeah so are you are you guys ready for the solstice shades? I want to see the summer solstice shades. You guys are not going to be happy about this. I'm kind of concerned. You're not going to be happy about this. Oh, God.

I'm so sorry. Oh, they're large, folks. Oh, they're large, folks. Wow. These are the I just banged your mom shades. Wow. They're like this beautiful combination of the Miami Cuban big old stunner shades mixed with like the pit vipers yes they're kind of a beautiful combination so these will be on indefinitely those are good the biggest shades

by far from you so far no remember the full face plate shades yeah those are those are definitely bigger those are about 800 larger yeah but i couldn't wear him he couldn't wear him because it blocks his mouth oh yeah yeah well i did want to touch on something real quick just before we get out of this conversation. What sort of activities will be, uh, being performed by us for our hot boy summer considering three single men. For sure. King sound. So we have a show July 9th. Yes. At spin nightclub in San Diego. It's going to be lit. And I feel like I didn't want to do this recap, but I feel like it's necessary because there's so many new people listening to this. Yeah. But for those of you who don't know me and Garrett are DJs, John is a functioning alcoholic. Yeah. That's his fault.

I've never been summed up so perfectly. One sentence really nailed it. Yeah. So when we say we have a show, it means we're playing at a nightclub. Yeah. We play under a name FOMO, hence no fomo for the pod john is the no i'm the no women say he's our informal mascot but yeah so we we are djs we've been doing this for about eight years or so so when we say we have a show we're djing yeah so we'll be at spin in san diego on the 9th that's our next show and then uh on top of that we got about three to four songs coming out this summer and our our first music video yeah we're gonna we just uh we just worked on a little outline for our first ever music video this morning actually so yeah so stay tuned for that if you want to follow us on the music side it's

just at fomo music on most yep on pretty. I had a couple of things in here that I had to delete actually, because they changed for just a little recap. Sure. I had Garrett's back in the gym. I am, but I am. We missed two week two. We're out two days.

I'm look, I'm, I'm back in the gym. Okay. You're back in the gym. Garrett's back in the gym. The other thing I had for, I mean,

especially summer activities, me and Morgan back into world of Warcraft. Yeah. That's something you should keep the gym. Okay, you're back in the gym. Garrett's back in the gym. So am I. The other thing I had for, I mean, especially summer activities, me and Morg are back in World of Warcraft. Yeah, see, that's something you should keep to yourselves. No, no. See, that's the world. Well, I'm trying to help you. Okay, I'm trying to help you. For all the flack we get, World of Warcraft is the most difficult game there is.

Yeah, but I'm not talking about difficulty level. I'm saying this is just not information that people want to know about. Okay, we can move on yeah let's go ahead and jump out of that so i've i actually have i actually have a hot take so um okay here we go so this me and jay at least had a chill weekend i know garrett got into some horseshit no i did actually have a chill weekend it was it was actually a sneaky sunday night that really buried the hatchet oh but yeah so me and jay did some movie nights, but I developed an opinion that I think I'm going to stick with. So on Friday, we got McDonald's for lunch.

Okay. And I am willing to say without a shade of a doubt, McDonald's has the best burger out right now. Oh my God. You're going to get body bags for this, bro. Dude, a double quarter pounder hits different than all other burgers here's the thing with his order though you gotta remember it's a double quarter pounder only cheese and ketchup that's all i get too so i can't i know i know like we're we're the majority in this room but we are the big time minority across the board no let me shut your

whole shit down you ordered a fucking hamburger okay a double hamburger and a mcchicken to make a mcgang bang if you order and i can't do cheese my dude if you're lactose oh you're lactose i bet dude i mean i eat a pint of ice cream on the second half of this pot so it doesn't it's what i want it to be i mean if you're getting mcdonald's i think your lactose intolerance is out the fucking window yeah i mean that is well i'm gluten intolerant i'm getting fucking buns all day yeah double buns in different ways yes it's a that's on god that's on god yeah um so i can agree with you no in a no or high sense in a dead sober in and out shits on that nope i was sober best burger that's sad to hear that's without a doubt okay well please tear them up in the

comments yeah but um in other news on uh was gonna bring up the drake album but honestly never mind are you fucking bitch um but um so the drink so that so that shit was shit but anyways too much yeah right um so the apple event happened and the the big takeaway was you could edit and unsend messages i saw that and also mark particular messages as unread so for me the only change there is the edit and unsend because i do the system where i have my red receipts on and then i will read it in the in the notifications and then leave it as unread so that yeah it's just it's just a classic move um it basically means you have to screenshot everything now it does if anyone sends you anything questionable you screenshot the fuck out of that dude this changes relationships forever you really have to be on your fucking game well this also changes one of your biggest

strats which is the late night drunk text because you could wake up you could oh more you're safe you could set up you could set up a a low key alarm at like five 30 in the morning. So it's before they're awake and just unsend all of them. Dude. Drunk. So if it doesn't work, but like by the time you go to bed, you wake up early, you unsend them all and you're good.

Dude. How lit is that? Dude. Shout out Apple. Yeah. Shout out Apple for having our fucking tax. And if this doesn't coincide perfectly with the launch of hot girl summer let's go baby dude that is actually huge for me because i send out at least 20 to 40 when i'm really in the zone that's a low yeah you better

give yourself some time in the morning to go ahead and unsend all those but like if they don't reply you don't have to have the embarrassing conversations like oh i was drunk just it never happened baby do they still get a notification that they got a text it'll probably say that it doesn't matter it'll could just erase it to just a space. Well, but I'm just saying like they could still get the notification saying like they got a text. Well, I could say it. I could put it all the way. I'm saying you can delete it.

I could put it down to just hey instead of hey, I love you. Oh, yeah, yeah. But I think it will say like I love you. Are you up? Morgan, unsend a message. Morgan, unsend a message. Morgan, unsend a message. No, there's no way.

Yeah, that's what they all say. Okay, I'll take that over the shit that i'm saying i don't think there is a notification because for the editing it said there wasn't going to be any notification that they edited or else it'd be useless that's fair i hope that's how it works it'll be big for you but um big for you how do we not think of that that's huge for the record my back is already killing me these chairs suck you gotta you gotta slouch down a little bit gotta slouch down a little yeah i Got to slouch down a little bit? Yeah. I was going to put a pillow on there, but I wasn't really sure of how you roll.

But on top of that, another recent discovery is we found out the initials of the podcast are NFP. No FOMO pod. So we're going to be releasing some NFPs at some point. Yes. Whatever that may mean. We're not sure. We haven't decided what it means yet.

Wait, what? What are NFPs? some point. Yes. Whatever that may mean, we're not sure. We haven't decided what it means yet. Wait, what? What are NFPs? You know NFTs? I know what NFTs are, yeah. They're NFPs. We're creating our own thing on the blockchain. Oh, okay.

After they already have died off and they're no longer a thing, we're going to come out with something? Well, no, we're, like NFTs are dead, but NFPs are brand new. Oh, maybe you could own like an exclusive thing of the pod.

A clip of the pod? Yeah. Oh, you can own, we're going to gonna start selling our tiktoks dude we're gonna start but um the last thing for me was my birthday's in seven days which means elon musk birthdays in seven days it's gonna be a big day so if you want to start a group text on instagram yeah what do we uh i've gotten multiple texts from people regarding your birthday and none of them have been you they're kind of we're trying to conjure up something so we're gonna have to it's gonna be a big day it's gonna be huge are we doing we're doing the weekend after or before i think it's gonna be both if i know morgan it's gonna be both it's gotta be chris lake on the second right oh big time yeah yeah okay we're going to that 100

so if you're in san diego you can see us blacked out at petco Park on July 2nd. Yes. The last thing for me on the starter, you know how there's a rule in pools where you can't get in if you had diarrhea in the last nine days? Are you really going to do this right now? Because I had this thought. When? I have this thought every time I see one of those sites. I don't think I would ever be allowed in a pool.

Because there's no nine-day period where i haven't had a water bomb all the way as high as 14 days i don't think i'd be i think technically i should never be allowed in a pool but my question is why is diarrhea different than just regular and also my other question is who's seeing that sign and being like fuck it's only been 13 days i guess i can't go i mean we did do that recently you did that recently remember when we were at that pool top party and we're like fuck we gotta wait 13 days well like we were we said it but we weren't actually planning on going in like if i wanted to get in i'd be in that bitch yeah like i think at best seven days is the max that i've gone yeah like a week there i was like eating healthy

yeah and got it all together and you mix it but even a healthy if i have chipotle can stir then it's game over well you can't really do a full hangover without a little bit, you know? Yeah, it's like saying you can't drink for two weeks and then go in a pool. Like, not going to happen. Crosses out at least this whole year. You're also not supposed to piss in a pool, but everyone does that anyway. I've honestly started getting out. Recently?

Started? A recent development in your pool etiquette? This week. I don't like peeing in jacuzzis, but a pool, if it's over about 15 feet long. Oh, see, I like the jacuzzi pee because it kind of heats it up. Sometimes you get the smell. See, that's fucked up.

But if it's my jacuzzi, that's a different level of fucked up. Yeah, if it's mine, you can all lick my piss. Oh, you think I haven't peed in every jacuzzi I've been in my entire life? Because ours is like a three man. It's warm water. As soon as warm water touches me, I have to pee.

That's fair, that's fair. Okay, I'll give you that. He's got a point. So I guess without further ado ado we got to do so this is going to be a regular thing yeah this is this is new we're introducing something new relatively yeah so um we're doing mommy of the week every week yeah okay who wants to start us off i could start i'm kind of scared to do this one as my first one but it feels right but i'm gonna feel weird doing anyone after this because this is the number one mommy okay well i hope it's not it's probably gonna be the same it's probably the same yeah it's dualipa god damn it i'm sorry god she's just she's so

mommy god damn it she just popped up on my feed with like a little like ass shaking like and like winked at the crowd and i just like i'm not gonna lie when we brought this segment up i was planning on pretty much just saying her every single time. That's fair. That's right. Like it's going to be hard to do it for the first one because in like, there's no way anyone could top her. It's hard.

It'd be hard, but I'll find a way. Did you have the same one? I did. I had, I literally says do a week, do a leap of for every single mommy. So did you have a breakdown for it or no?

I mean, that was my breakdown was as she just went, she's, well, she's the hottest singer in the world right now she's literally the hottest and our woman in the world right now and she does seem like she would like i don't know she seems so kind of like whisper to you maybe read you a story like in her accent little baby do not cry yeah you know like she would sing

that so well kills me bro yeah. She does have that whisper technology. So maybe we'll have to switch it up just because it'll get mundane if we don't, but this week for me is also Dua Lipa. Okay, so I have a throwback Mommy of the Week, but also still currently Mommy of the Week. Okay. I got Jessica Alba. Ooh, I love that.

My reasoning is she's got that mom next door vibe, but also that step-sis next door vibe. I could definitely see that. And I need that in my life. No, when we were growing up like that, when we were, this was like our peak figuring out that we like girl age. Yeah. Jessica Alba was on top. So I totally love the nostalgia that I'm getting with hearing that name.

With good luck, Chuck. Yeah. That was a movie for me. Oh my God. That's a good one. I'm not going to lie. I'm not. Dude, that had me feeling some type of way.

I'm going to hold myself from saying some shit. Dude, that had me feeling some type of way. I'm going to hold myself from saying some shit. Yeah, that had me feeling some type of way. Let's just say if I put that movie on, I didn't need to browse the web later. Yeah. But I will give the crown this week to Dua Lipa, though. Okay. Yeah. I mean, we got to give it to her once so that it's official.

Let's do this because this is going to be a thing every week if we don't just establish some ground rules. Dua Lipa is mommy forever until further notice. Yes. So she'll get an honorable mention every week and then we'll go and then in second place is. Yeah, it's second place mommy of the week. It's like a geometry when they have the if then statements. Exactly. Or we could do, maybe we could do. We'll bring a second place candidate every week. This week, second place is Jessica Alba. Here's what we'll do. Here's what we'll do. We'll do eight mommies in a row of the week then we'll have a bracket versus each other of the mommies and then we'll have the number one mommy okay okay like that and so do it's number one see whoever yeah do a leap is number one seed and we'll work it down from there okay i like that

and yeah feel free to uh shoot us some of your personal recommendations or send us a picture of your own mom or your actual anyone has a. If you have an actual hot mom. No, it doesn't matter. Send a picture of your mom. If she's the mom, send it. Send a picture of her with a nice casserole and take her to school or something. That would be more mother of the week or mom of the week.

I'm just saying, send her in and she might win. Mama. Look, just send us pictures of your mom. She's going to have to go up against Doolittle. And a direct point of contact, please. Thank you very much. Do we want to hop into Down Bad then? Yes.

Why not? Figure it out, dude. Yeah, so for Down Bad of the week, we have one candidate exclusively. I have some honorable mentions, but without a doubt, Mr. Joseph Biden is down worst of the week. Yeah. So we're going to do a video breakdown of him just almost dying.

While performing probably one of the simplest tasks ever. There's so much. Let's do the break. We'll do the breakdown. So we'll watch it all the way through first. Let's just watch it through and then talk about it. It's not too long. Love that lady.

Oh, shit. Oh, my goodness gracious. Okay, so. The guy just doesn't stop fueling exactly what everyone wants to be saying about him. Here's my main thing. If you're Biden, you don't get the fucking the slide in the the lock in pedals with this because if you really do a breakdown so he tries to pull out he doesn't quite pull out enough yeah which we're all familiar with might say something

about the rest of his life but he tries to then step on the ground but he's still he's still in the bike yeah yeah and then it's ground floor blighted biden yeah joe biketon joe biketon the bigger issue here is i think this was an internal assassination attempt it was yep because whoever came up with the let him ride a bike was like hey he could just die and we'd be done we'd be good with this also the man does not need to be riding a bike if you're above 65 bikes are out he can barely walk i'd say that's a little bit of a hasty generalization if you're above 65 yeah he's like 82 yeah so maybe above 80 we'll cut do you think they like do you think there's any chance that they like tried it out like behind closed doors like got him on a bike and we're like pushed him

and we're like go joe like give it just to see that he could before they let him go. He's been on a bike. Like, so this was my other hot tip. Yeah. What if it was like, like they put them on the bike on top and just did it for like a, a cool clip to show that he's still alive type thing.

Oh, like he, that was literally, he just got on like at the corner before that. And then he literally ruined it entirely staged. Yeah. And it was like a 10-foot ride yeah we got to show them that you're competent because why why else would he just

hop off right there he was probably just getting on and hopping off right there like look look at him he's young he's fit if it's a paparazzi type thing if you're doing a bike ride it's at least a mile or so and then why is that the only clip from the whole thing yeah i'm telling you they had him behind those bushes like he just got on right there going on dude i'm shit going on. Dude, I'm telling you, they put him. And he still didn't make it happen. That's what I'm saying. They put him on the bike at the top of the bushes. He was like, I might have this.

And then completely. Wait, run it back. Did he even do like one pedal? Because I wouldn't be surprised if someone just gave him a little push. He didn't even pedal. Run it back on 10. And then he just hops off real quick. God damn it.

See, look, not even a single pedal. Look, his legs are in one they're like look just keep your legs in one place and then hop off oh god oh god he fell so slowly there that i'm surprised someone didn't step in to catch him that's the most fun it was a quite a slow like like you people you heard the crowd get quiet when he first got his little foot caught in there they're like everyone was like and then he gets his foot caught for a second. They're like, okay. We also predicted the future because we literally just said if he rode a bike.

25% chance. 25% chance he would die. 50% chance he falls every day. And it happened. So we do have an honorable mention from the DMs. From at Hannah.Gilbertson. My boyfriend Tanner, for being named i gotta repeat wait so we have a wait i didn't see this so we have a submission from a girl about her boyfriend being the most down bad yeah let's go so this honorable mention at hannah how oh jesus christ

my bac is peaking right now h Tanner.Gilbertson. Yes. Her boyfriend Tanner, for being named Tanner. I added that part in. For being named Tanner. That was a weird take on all this. I was going to say this girl's savage. And also getting a Brazilian stomach and chest wax just because she asked him with no hesitation. Wow. Wow.

Incredible. A Brazilian stomach wax for a dude chest and stomach questionable at least it is it isn't a brazilian specifically the i thought brazilian wax was a bikini one yeah no i think it's just that i think it's the method of the waxing but most girls get it for that because it's very effective i'm pretty sure it just means no hair at all is what the gist of it is i think that's what wax is typically you know yeah yeah you're right but uh if he got his chest and stomach i'm imagining this guy is rather hairy where's the back wax yeah i mean you can't just be rolling around with a nude chest and a fucking forest for a back

i might say that she's more down bad for for asking him for asking him to do it and then being like a loser for dating it does well his. Well, his name's Tanner, first of all, down horrendous. But I think she might have suggested as a joke and then without hesitation, he just went and did it. Oh, I can see that. Which is why she would suggest him being down bad. Oh, okay. We're going to give people the benefit of the doubt here. I'm with that.

I'm with that. But Tanner gets no benefit of the doubt because his name's Tanner. Yes. So Tanner. Honestly, fuck that. He's down bad of the week. He's down bad. Joe Biden gets a pass.

He gets a week off. Joe Binus. Binus. He's 80 years old. He should be riding by. Tanner's down bad of the week. Joe joe biden joe biden joe biden gets past he gets a week off minus he's 80 years old he should be riding by tanner's down badly joe binus joe binus biden biden's honestly the goat for surviving yeah well do we have do we have confirmation that he's alive i haven't seen a video since that no that's true they did say there's no injuries the thing is for him no injuries because he's dead let's say live at the hospital he's uninjured because he didn't survive if he broke his hip

or something he was done like that's that's a death sentence oh dude you can't you know how long it would take an 80 year old to recover from my hip shattering that is why it's funny yeah all right ladies and gentlemen we're just going to take a quick break to let you know that support for the no fomo podcast is brought to you by Manscaped, who is the best in men's below the waist grooming. Their products are precision engineered tools for your family jewels. Manscaped's performance package is the ultimate men's hygiene bundle. Join over 4 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped with this exclusive offer for you. 20% off and free worldwide shipping with the code NOFOMO at manscaped.com.

And if my math is correct, that's about 8 million balls. I checked your math. It checks out. So head on over to manscaped.com and use that NOFOMO code for all the men in your life who need those grooming tools. Now back to the show. Okay. code for all the men in your life who need those grooming tools. Now back to the show. Okay. So this game is inspired by, have you seen where people describe movies badly? Like the plot of

a movie badly? Yes. So I'm going to give you a few, a couple of these I found online. Most of them I made up myself. Um, I want to see if you guys can guess a movie based on the bad description. First one, grumpy emo chick ponders whether to fuck a corpse or a dog over several years. Is that the Megan Fox one? No. Uh, uh, uh, this is, um, is this nightmare before Christmas? No. Wait to fuck a, wait, say that again. Grumpy emo chick ponders whether to fuck a corpse or a dog over several years it's not lamageddon it's not lamageddon i have hints if you don't if you can't yes we need to i'll call a friend a corpse or a dog it's got to be a cartoon no no it's not literal It's not cat dog? It's not literally a corpse or a dog. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, okay. Okay. Fuck. I still need a hint. The hint is it happens at some type of light. Twilight. There you go. Let's go. Oh, my God.

Let's go, baby. Okay, so I feel like you guys needed that one to get in the group yeah we needed oh so the vampire or the werewolf okay yes yes yes oh okay i got the game now yeah i got the i got the concept very generalized drug addicted girl takes advantage of mentally challenged boy for three decades uh for scum yes what is it called for scum oh yeah you just said it what do you mean well you know i'm on that spectrum he just goes wait what he's like wait what is it wait i just said it but uh okay okay um a bald wrestler can drive real good need for speed um Need for Speed. Fast and Furious. Fast and Furious.

Fast and the Furious. Vin Diesel, yes. The worst. The Rock. Yeah, that's... Also Vin Diesel. Well, Vin Diesel wrestles me, but not... I mean, yeah, there's a bunch of wrestlers. Different type of wrestling.

The worst actor in the world plays a board game. It's The Rock rock jumanji okay this one uh rocks actually can float and save beachgoers oh uh fuck it lifeguard no i know what it's called yes yes yes it's fucking baywatch okay good job that was good oh i just bit my own tooth so hard that's a new one that's a new one i'm jazzed okay those were them i just went through i love it i wanted to do more rock ones but there are too many of the movies you don't know yeah that's fair yeah okay are you guys are you guys ready what what i guess i get you i hate when you come at me like that. Okay. So this is

I think the best game I've ever designed. Okay. Keep a straight face while reading OnlyFans captions. Last one standing wins. Okay. And losers who are in order have to take a shot. Oh yeah, you have to drink if you laugh. Take your fucking glasses off for this.

We have to look each other in the fucking eyes. I'm already laughing, god damn it. I'm going to laugh saying my own. So third place takes three, second place takes two, first place takes three take your fucking glasses out for this we have to look each other in the fucking yeah yeah i'm already laughing god damn it okay i'm gonna laugh saying my own so third place takes three second place takes two first place wait and can we put this on record that these are actual captions that we spent some time researching yeah these are actual only fans i had to actually spend some money to find some of these okay but i spent it i spent it previously okay that's one laugh for me okay who's going first i'm gonna start off nice and light oh fuck this is gonna be so hard okay everybody everybody get in the zone god damn it this one's not even that good i just wanted to start off light to kind of

establish baseline hot girl summer is coming and so am I. Okay. Okay, I can get through that. So we'll go in a circle this way? Yeah. Oops, my clothes fell off while using my Peloton. That was the whole thing? All right.

Okay. I'm that little cherry on top and I love it when I'm all slurped up. Okay. Okay. Okay. I can work with that. All right. Just got back from the gym.

Who wants to see me squirt out of my sweaty pussy? He laughed while I laughed. I'm fucking sorry. God damn it. Take a shot, bitch. Fuck. I'll take a drink. Okay, we'll keep it going.

Okay, we'll keep it going. We'll tally the shots at the end. Okay, okay, okay. I think every time you break, you take one. God damn it. Take a shot, bitch. Fuck. I'll take a drink. Okay, we'll keep it going. Okay, we'll keep it going. We'll tally the shots at the end. Okay, okay, okay. I think every time you break, you take one. Yeah, yeah. Okay. A full shot? I'll do a drink.

That one sent me to the moon when I read that. As soon as you started giggling, I didn't even hear the words you said. I just started laughing. All right, take it serious. Yeah, I'm trying to. I mean, it's supposed to be funny. I know it is. No, but it's trying your hardest not to laugh.

I mean, I'm trying. Okay. Can, it's supposed to be funny. I know it is. No, but trying to hurt is not to laugh. I mean, I'm trying. Okay. Can I bury you in between these cheeks? It's easy. For a totally mute babe, I can be crazy loud. Guess I'm just extra sensitive to my other senses. Okay. Okay.

Off on a shoot all alone in this big hotel. Wish you were here to fill up this tight pussy. After the zone. My other lip is waving at you, daddy. You made that one up. You made that one up. That's not real. That's not real. Give, that's not real.

Give me the fucking tequila. I swear to God, that's real. Give me the fucking tequila. Get the fuck out of here. Wait, why are you drinking? That was your thing. He laughed. But it's his own thing.

Yeah, he still laughed, though. Well, I laughed at all mine so far. Give me the fucking chats. Okay. Take it serious. I'm taking it. That was funny. That was no edit.

That was ridiculous. That was no edit. Okay. I'm getting you That was no edit. Okay. I'm getting you guys with this one for sure. I just spilled all over my shirt. It's all good though. It's all good. I can't even tell.

It looks like another flower, baby. It's another flower. It's that yellow. It's that daisy. All right. We're back. We're back. We're back.

Okay. It may not be easy, but it always fits. Okay. Damn. I thought I could shoot that one. I unleashed the three best ones that I found. Morgan's got more. Okay. Damn, I thought I'd get you with that one. I unleashed the three best ones that I found. Morgan's got more. Okay.

Go ahead. Which puts me at a disadvantage because now every single one is dangerous. Okay. Wish it was quarantine so you could give me that corn peen. That's not real. You made that up. No, it's real. I know for a fact you made that up.

No, you made that one up. That's real. Unless you search that, that would be, oh, wish it was quarantine. Okay. Is it raining in here? Or did I drink water all day? Okay. Okay.

Which hole would you start the fun? Okay. That's just sexy. That's not even funny. That's just sexy that's not even funny that's just that one is a hot one i have a fucking boner yeah yeah is getting a boner mean i have to take a drink yes yeah if it if him saying it still gets you horny i think you have to take a drink that was it for me that's all i had yep okay i got a couple more okay well that's not fair you didn't know it was a drinking game? Want you to come over and treat me like shit.

Get the fuck out of here. That one's fake. That one's real. No, it's not. Dude, I did hours of research. Okay, play the game. Okay. Okay, play the fucking game, dude. I can't look at him. That's the main problem. It's because he looks so dumb right now. Okay. Okay, play the fucking game, dude. I can't look at him.

That's the main problem. It's because he looks so dumb right now. Yeah. I've been such a bad girl today. What are you going to do about it? That one's just hot again. That one's hot as fuck. Yeah.

I like that one. Hot because I said it or hot because she wrote it? Both. We both said both. Okay. Oopsie daisy. Stuck in the washing machine again help me get out hot again hot okay hot yeah it's a good game it's a good game that's a good game i like that game i think we should make some sort of iteration of that yeah it's a weekly a weekly thing yeah

uh just some sort of like like don't laugh type of thing yeah but i do like the only fans cash i do like the good avenue for sure i got i got another one for you morgue so i saw this game on a tiktok oh it's a separate game i thought you had just another no no this is a separate game i saw this joke on a tiktok and i made my own your answer to every one of my questions morgue is get out of my swamp. Okay. So I have to say it verbally? You say that every time. Okay.

What does Shrek say to Donkey? Get out me swamp. What does a Florida redneck say to a trespasser? Get out me swamp. What do you say when I walk in on you with explosive diarrhea? Get out me swamp. What does your mom say when she wants you to explosive diarrhea? Get out me swamp. What does your mom say when she wants you to pull out? Get out me swamp.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Let's go. You're the game master. I love that. I love that. You're the game master. Clip that shit immediately.

That's of 100 million. Okay, so as we all know, we posted the, how did you guys figure out how to jerk off TikTok recently? Hopefully everyone knows. If you didn't, follow us on TikTok. Yeah. Because we post not only clips from the show, but we actually, this one was actually from like an hour of footage

we never used from one of our first episodes. Yeah, so we thought it was on there, but we had a whole episode where we had to cut just because our brains weren't entirely there. Yeah, it was... Not only were they not entirely there, they weren't at all. We basically recorded an entire episode

after a week-long bender in Tulum and just deleted the whole thing and recorded a whole new episode. So apologies if you... I mean, it's still a good episode, but apologies if you listened to that and didn't get to see how we learned how to jerk off. Yes.

But there were some great... That's why we there were some great we did say there was some whoever had the best comment we were gonna read them off yeah so these are some of the top ones uh so there is a stitch from a gay guy of the video and it said i'm not convinced that all guys don't start out gay. Oh. Which is a fair take. I don't know where you're going with that. Because you're just jerking yourself off. But I mean, the argument against, I get it. Yeah. And I'm not saying, first of all, who says we're not all a little gay?

Yeah. I'm not saying we're not all a little gay. This room is proof. We're all a little gay this room is proof we're three for three in this room but you are jerking off to thinking about yes if you were straight you're yeah you're thinking about like an older sister of your friends yes you know i just thought that was funny though okay that's good like okay so that was a stitch but the comments were at 13 i did a fire starting, like two hands placed together and spin rub down like a stick trying to ignite wood. Like this.

I thought that was good. I learned my technique from Survivor. Yes. I was watching Survivor and I was all of a sudden bricked up. I just got really hard. My favorite responses to that were, I thought I was the only one. And also, me too, except I was eight and I did it for years. Okay, next one.

I low-key watched a tutorial on YouTube. Wow. Was that a guy or a girl? How to jerk off on YouTube? I didn't know. That's an aggressive search. It must exist right yeah but that's such a fine line to walk that up yeah i thought that was fun have we been doing it wrong

yeah i might have to check out a couple tuts next one i was sent to my room while i was having an attitude and just started playing one day so in time out he discovered yeah i was sent to my room by my mom so that's that's on you mom okay this is your fault and then it says this is your fault mom after that best time out ever this is your fault best time out ever now he does that whenever he's probably into some punished kink shit oh yeah for sure that's a dark start yeah yeah if you're if you start jerking off by your mom say go to your room angrily start off like that at this point you're like some woman like stepping on your neck.

You need someone beating the shit out of you to get off for sure. With a couple honorable mentions, I did it for five hours once just out of nowhere. I've hit a couple two or three hour boys. Yeah. Get a little sweat rolling down. Yep. A pillow, comma, I was very confused at what happened first. The Boy Scouts of Americaica and gta strip club the boy scouts of america was the entire comet yeah wow okay gta strip club is

that's fair that's where i that's one of the most that's probably the most normal one yeah i used to peruse that place oh yeah you'd go and pick up the prostitute and watch the car shake. Watch the car rock. Yeah. And you'd just. What is going on? Yep. Okay. So we have a part three that we need to do.

Useless Superpowers part three. Okay. One finger edition. Okay. Oh, it's the same fingers? So the way we're going to do it is we're going to keep in the winner from last week and then proceed. Add on a new one. Yes.

So would you rather replace one finger with an always sticky, sticky hand? Oh, one of the stretchy ones? The little stretchy ones? Those are fun. Those are fun. Never ending Taco Bell sauce packet with flavor of choice. Oh my Lord. That's a tough one for me.

Unlimited phone charger, Elastigirl finger, or one-shot instant reloading Nerf gun. Nerf gun was the winner? Yep. I would have thought so. Oh, so we're doing like a little bracket? Yeah. Okay.

Starting from the top, we have the elastic hand. Sticky, sticky hand. That would be sick. Fun, but not practical. Not as practical. I don't know how you use them, but grab a paper, pull that thing over to you. That's kind of nice. There's never a document you can't reach.

Yeah. Grab the mail from distance. What was the next one? Never ending Taco Bell sauce packet with flavor of choice. I have a take on this. Okay. If you don't have something immediately. No, go ahead.

I only use Taco Bell hot sauce when I'm eating Taco Bell. So I'm never not going to have the sauce when I need it. So I feel like as a whole, if it was like some sort of general hot sauce, like a Cholula finger, I would definitely go with that. But Taco Bell hot sauce is pretty much only good on Taco Bell. 50% chance they forget your sauces though. I triple check every time. Okay.

Yeah. Unlimited. I'm just real different. So unlimited. If you door dash it, it's up to them, which is scary. True. So next one's unlimited phone charger or Elastigirl finger and then the Nerf gun. Nerf gun.

I think the phone charger is a safe play. I mean, the phone charger is a really good one. Really good play. I would have a tough time not doing the phone charger. I think that's got to be. I'm just thinking of the amount of times. Elastigirl finger is almost the same as sticky hand. No, because I could tickle you from over here.

Yeah, it's definitely more functional. I guess that cancels out sticky hand. Because Elastigirl finger I can grab. Loki, you know how impressive it would be to have an Elastigirl finger? That's what I'm saying. That'd be like the coolest party trick. That'd be kind of weird though too i don't know like i feel like phone charger like that would be you just be like oh fuck my phone's at five percent but then oh so here's the negative i didn't think about this for the phone charger then everyone's like

here can you hold my phone i need to charge it because it would be the best for you but everyone would be like oh garrett's got a phone finger he's got a fucking phone finger he's got a phone dude garrett's got one right yeah and you're just saying it'd be a hard sell to be like, it would be the best for you, but everyone would be like, Oh, Garrett's got a phone. He's got a fucking phone finger. He's got a phone. Garrett's got one. Yeah. And you're just saying it'd be a hard sell to be like, no dude, not right now.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Ah, I'm trying to think of, of the other avenues in which the Elastigirl finger would be useful. Not only useful, but like,

let's, okay. It's a cool party trick. That's my initial thought. You know, you're rigging a hose with that thing, right? Hey, watch this. Oh, you want to to drink you want to drink from the fridge you

literally go wrap your finger around it and you got you just pull it out yeah so awesome you definitely you'd be the hit at every single event you went to everywhere i just said single um single but what sort of practical uses can you sell me on i don't know the last girl finger yeah grab anything i hand me the tequila i mean low-key no if you think about it you're elastigirl we're talking like bending around shit i could be like yo i want some water go into your kitchen wrap my finger out of glass fill it up and then have it sucked back to me and yeah does it have like i think i'm going with that that's there's so many uses okay does it have like i could grab a stretch though can it just

go this far because i don't know if she can it's far as she wants it's as far as you could do it in your head is the best way i can explain it so like you know you know where my house you could reach anything in the home yeah but it's not like i can go out to my car and grab something so like you get windows open you could navigate to my kitchen but like you can't walk down to 7-eleven with your pinky and see and that one has the extreme plus of when you're not using it, it's your hand. It's regular. It still reverts back to a regular finger.

It's normal. It just kind of stretches out. Yeah, I think it's that. I think it's that. Yeah, yeah. Elastic Girlfinger? Yep. Elastic Girlfinger is the new one.

Yep. I can't believe Slim Jim wasn't the number one for the last one. It was very much up there. It was up there? And Knife got a lot more votes than I thought it would, but it was. I did see a couple of the comments on the knife one, and they were like, oh, you never get to fly again if you do the knife thing. You can never.

All right, relax, bro. Going to bed would be tough. I'm like, just use your imagination. Okay. Yeah. Okay, but going along the same lines. Okay. Would you rather Taco Bell edition?

Would you rather they never mess up your order? There's always enough sauce. Nacho fries are always in season. Or you have another butthole for the aftermath. See. Like a spare one to where it doesn't like ruin you. Okay. As a connoisseur of Taco Bell, I'm immune to the butthole issues.

I've, my body's used to it. Okay. I'm like Garrett. I always check the butthole issues. My body's used to it. Okay. I'm like Garrett. I always check the order. Hot sauce, I mean, it's important, but I could do without. I think the nacho fries being seasonal, no longer seasonal would be the biggest one for me. I don't think there's any way I could not.

Like if I could have nacho fries in the sun, because I think it's like a fall. Well, it seems to be a whenever the fuck they want it to be type of thing, which pisses me off. If I can look forward to it coming, I wouldn't be so upset that it wasn't there now. Be like, you know what? It's really going to hit when I get that first nacho fry on September 1st. But the fact that I just don't even know they're operating on some mythical schedule, it's not something I'm a fan of. Okay.

Yeah. So final answer? Yeah, I'm sticking with nacho fries i might have to double down on that as well double down on nacho fries i'm going another butthole okay so you don't have to punish the one that you use yeah not even for the taco bell related part of it this is my excuse to finally get another it's like needing an oil change it's like every time you get taco bell you bottle. It's like needing an oil change. It's like every time you get Taco Bell, you're getting a Novocation. You need an oil change. I don't want that. That's fair.

You know what I'm saying? You get to go in the pool more often. Or less. Or, yeah. I think the same. Yeah, same. Unless you could plug that one up. Oh, well, I mean, he always keeps his plug up.

Yeah, that's fair. You got to. Guts to. oh boy i mean he always keeps his plugged up yeah that's fair you got to gots to um i was going through some of my old notes of like stuff that i want to save for the future and i stumbled upon this oldie but a goodie um the note says exactly morgue was getting a weird vibe from a girl and when i went up to her and asked what was up she said that she was trying to have sex with him asked what was up she said that she was trying to have sex with him that's definitely a weird vibe if you're morgan yeah he's probably never experienced a girl feeding him like that before in his life this girl's being super weird dude

you're fucking losing it yo why is this girl being of it and he's just like whoa bro what the fuck is this girl won't stop touching me and like saying nice things she's like ask me where i lived and shit like how far says she wants to go back how far is the uber to your house she wants me she said do you want to get out of here she wants to kill me so what is my response to that if i i'm i'm i was trying to piece back the memory and if i remember right we were at like a concert or something and i told you that and you were like ah wait how long ago was this oh the note was for years so like 2018 2019 2018, 2019? But you had put this in like your shit to revisit for the pod? Yeah.

Well, no, not for the pod. I just have a note in my phone of old funny things. Like I have another one in there. This is with my mom. And I said, hey, I'm kind of thirsty. And she said, have a cough drop. That is a very important thing. And I remember just being like what is that that's fair

wow so yeah when like weird or funny things happen i just write them down i have a lot in there i love that that's fair but uh attaboy morgue do you think you've grown since then do how long ago grown in height yes i think i said 2018 or 2019. Yeah, I hope you've figured that one out. Do you think you know? Tell me what you think are some signs that a girl is into you. Like stuff that you pick up on. Exists. Existence is a good indicator for you.

She's got a pulse. Yeah, she's alive. Says excuse me when she walks by. Came over. Says excuse me when she walks by. Came over. Says stop talking to me. Says I have a boyfriend. Says she's a lesbian. Now, I think at this point, I've grown a lot.

Do you? And if these shades are on, then it's on, you know? Okay. Well, there it went. There it goes and there it went. Which brings me to another fun question. You had us in the first fun question that I have. Which of the following are you more looking forward to

than the second coming of Jesus Christ? The day Lana Rhodes' kid gets access to the internet. The day Jake Paul gets knocked out. The day Biden goes to heaven and gets turned away or your own wedding day one of those was mean that was mean yeah i don't think biden's getting turned away from heaven come on for the record but you aren't the one asking a question if they're all riding bikes in heaven he's getting turned away okay that's fair that's true if you have to write they're like look we let you in but you're gonna double die okay let's rephrase it the day biden goes to hell and they're like you

belong in heaven there you go okay much better much more homely that's sweet um i think if i could have a live stream of lana road's child opening up the internet and discovering what we are all operating on the assumption he's going to discover it. I'd say yes, but I know for a fact, I'll be able to see the day Jake Paul gets knocked out. So I'm going to go with that. Ladies and gentlemen, that has been a episode 17. No FOMO. Thanks for sticking with us. Uh, and for those of you who are new to the show, welcome. And, uh, we hope to see you next Wednesday when we release every episode right on time

because we're punctual beings we be right on time we stay on time and if you want to follow us on socials for music stuff it's at FOMO music for no FOMO stuff it's at no FOMO pod on Instagram and TikTok

if you guys want to submit to the show just send us a DM or email and we'll see you all next week absolutely peace