NO FOMO - 47. Gettin' Faux Pas With Your Papas

Episode Date: June 30, 2023

🔔 Subscribe & Follow: https://linktr.ee/nofomopod 🎽 Merch: https://www.bonfire.com/store/no-fomo/ Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week Garrett's on his Benjamin Button type shit, Jon wants more toys, and Morg describes his ideal c*ck. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back, back to the Mocs Cooking FOMO Show. No FOMO. What the fuck is up, dude? Are we going? Huh? Yeah, we're on. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to what is poised to be the most uncomfortable hour of your life. Tensions are high.

You can cut it with a butter knife. They're... A cold butter knife. A cold knife. So, John's pissed because Morgan's birthday was yesterday. So, we had to not give him all of our attention. I understand what that's like. We diverted a little bit to Morgan.

Not even fully. I gave him like 75, 25. It was like three hours of attention. Yeah. And John is just pissed. Yeah. I am mad. We can tell.

I know. He literally, five minutes before we just started this, went and sat in his car by himself. You guys finally pay attention to me for a little bit and you notice that I'm upset. He's like, I got to go feed the meter. And I witnessed him go sit in his car for like 10 minutes. Because you wouldn't give me a key to come back in.

Oh, it was about the key? Yes. I would have given you a key, dude. Oh, I bet. I mean, I'm sitting out there waiting for the key. How did you get back in? Because I scaled the wall, dude. Because I'm devoted to this because i care you don't look like you care but so yeah yesterday was the best day ever as we all know yesterday was morgan's birthday he's 48

i mean when you look back on like littlely, blue-eyed baby Morg. You have blue eyes? Just a happy. Is Morgan a blue eye? Yeah. Just a happy kid with his whole future ahead of him. I don't think he has blue eyes. It's whatever you want him to be.

Let him cook. Let him cook. They're beautiful. But he's just a happy kid with his whole future ahead of him. Yeah. And you thought, you know, 29 comes around. I'm going to be a trillionaire. Here I am, you know?

If you got flash that picture like you driving off a bridge right then and there or yeah i mean five years ago i thought we'd be billionaires by now yeah which which hurts what what year do you think do you think you're closer or even taking a step up towards that this year was the best financial year of my life that's insane because i know what that picture no i saw your tax no i have some back-end deals that you guys have no clue about oh bet okay they're literally from your back you stop taking all your adderall now you sell it all or what no i've always been selling it true you tell me that is you definitely sell way less now yes i don't think you've sold a pill

this year no i have i've sold quite a bit how many not that this is yes i don't think you've sold a pill this year no i have i've sold quite a bit how many not that this is hypothetical i don't yeah oh yeah that would be illegal well he shows it to people with prescriptions it's still illegal prescriptions no party okay if you're the sheriff that listens to this this is a joke oh yeah fuck forgot about our sheriff boy sheriff johnson i don't think he listens to this i think he listens to our music but he's seen something he doesn't listen to your music no he doesn't no one listens to it no the sheriff at the fucking music festival said he lists he fucks with our shit tough they listen to oh there's a sheriff yeah i recognize a real recognize he recognizes us and i was fucking did we not talk about this already no we did yeah we did did we he recognized us at the

music festival maybe you talked about it not on this though no we for sure talked about it on this it was like our first episode back i'm pretty sure no that's that was like two weeks ago our third episode back yeah but anyway yeah we're in with the fucking feds bro fucking yeah no one's he asked me for lateral are we excited about that or are we afraid bro we're in we're immune we're with we're with the we have our parking tickets see you later doesn't matter our target audience yeah the san diego parking enforcement no he's a sheriff bro he's a sheriff yeah he's the county sheriff and he fucks with our or his name was sharif i don't remember yeah he fucks with our there's a guy named he was the fucking boy though i'll tell you he was an absolute homie he was like he went to college with us he did yeah that's how he knows us oh so he's been he's been on our sticks for a minute yeah they're just waiting to strike yeah we needed

not oh so he's a young cop oh no yeah he was he was like our age he was dope if he was so he's actually doing well no his name was Sharif we have we have people who listen to this who are doing well in life I think most people I mean he listens to our music so how well could he be doing is it better than us or just well I think most people are doing better than us yeah that's what I'm saying but that doesn't mean well I don't know dude there was something that came to my attention

from the last podcast that I think needs to be brought up you being honest yeah me being honest one people are outraged but actually all of our things that we listed for stuff that guys do to impress girls were actually just things that guys do to impress other guys. Is that so? So I don't know if we just like mix that up. Why do you think we're single, John?

Well, why do you think I do those things? Well, if they impress dudes, they also impress girls. No, see, that's what they're saying doesn't work. Oh, really? It's like benching 225 impresses dudes. No, chicks love that, dude. So we're just blind. Right, Gary?

Well, that's why I don't go to the gym. That's why I don't go to the gym. Girls don't care about that. That's not what I said. Wait, so what was the question again? How do we fuck it up? Well, no, we don't care about that. That's not what I said. Wait, so what was the question again? How do we fuck it up? Well, no, we didn't fuck it up. Oh, there's our motorcycle guy.

Shout out to the dude. The guy still fucks. He fucks hard. Yeah, dick. The guy fucks. That's our cheer. We didn't fuck it up. Just the things we listed were actually just things that you would do if you were trying to impress a dude, not a chick.

Like, chugging beer doesn't impress a girl. It impresses dudes. And we said in college chugging beer impresses girls it doesn't though girls said that that wasn't a thing freshman freshman year college that was a thing if you could do a 30 second wine bag pool you guys even now i would say no yeah i did it recently no bro if it was no wine wednesday and you could do a 30 second bag pull your rigging ass I promise you fucking dumbest people I know dude I know I did that at Splash House recently oh and the girls were fucking yeah that I will not condone you were there too yeah I did like a 10 second one oh okay also it could be true

okay yeah no objectively chugging alcohol is not cool okay thank you yeah yeah no the behind the scenes we definitely like mentioned in college that was cool no yeah which i'll still hold up says the only guy who didn't go to college yeah it was cool i was the one who wasn't saying it it was the multiple people in our comment section saying that it's not i still think it's cool women well let's see their fucking ads okay um what was the question do we need to re-answer it no we don't need to re-answer it we just answered it badly but the question was how to impress girls no no we did this we did this okay yeah we got it but in other news have you ever been to a trailer park chugging alcohol sick? Yeah.

I haven't. So it just depends on where you're at. It's location. If you're in Arkansas and you can do a 30-second wine bag pull, you're the coolest guy in the bar. Let's hear it from the Arkasonians. Arkasonians? Arkansasians. Arkansians?

Arkansas. That felt right. Arkansasians? Did it? Arkansasians. How many days have you been wearing that shirt in a row? Arkansans. That felt right. Arkansans. Did it? Arkansans. How many days have you been wearing that shirt in a row? Dude, okay. I wore the shirt for two episodes.

That's maximum three hours. Do you guys wash the shirt after you wear it for three hours? If I wear it in a day, yes, I wash it. I don't. I'm not going to lie. But I don't perspire. The real question shouldn't be how many days has it been since you washed that shirt. How many days has it been since you washed that cup? How many days has it been since you washed that cup?

This cup? Yeah. I just got it out of the fucking... You don't even know what it's called. The fucking... You shut it and it turns on. The dishwasher. The dishwasher.

The dishwasher. We don't even have soap for that thing. I just fucking shut it and it just spins around. We do have soap for it. Oh, really? I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.

Just a joke. But what other cool shit happened oh the cds oh we bought mixtapes last night yeah yeah which no one thought really still existed well i literally told the guy i was like i don't even have a way to play this like what am i supposed to do but you bought it yeah i did so we spent we spent five dollars for two mixtapes last night? Yeah. You figure they do two of those every hour? They're making above minimum wage. I'm low-key pissed because I was like,

realistically, I have no way to play this. What's your Spotify? He pulls up a Spotify, and the mixtape that he gave me was like six mixtapes ago on his Spotify. Well, he's still selling them. He hasn't sold out of them. Yeah, he's not sold out. He hasn't sold out of them. He does sold out. Give me that new shit, dog.

I paid a dollar for that. I just don't understand how they ever thought that was a good idea. Can you explain to me how it would be a good idea? It's called guerrilla marketing. You hand out the CD to someone. They listen to it. Their uncle produces it. Grassroots marketing, bro. You like it, show it to them.

The uncle then goes and signs you you're now a rapper i guess it's not impossible no that scenario is impossible but that's how i think it's gonna work okay that's the only logical way right you you think san diego like hot city like maybe i'll accidentally get this in the hands of somebody with a cd player first of all and then secondly they think i'm really good. Well, the saddest part is we were probably their best chance at getting it in the hands of someone. And I was like, yo, this is ass. It was really bad.

But they are opening for Wiz Khalifa. I don't fucking believe that at all. Well, I'm going to DM them and try to get us to drop them. What's their names? Not after that. Not after that. No, because they get tagged and then they're listening back and then we got people we didn't paint a good picture no they were sick dude

no actually my guys was sick yeah his guys was good it was ass no what was it lo-fi or something stop we're not dropping slow lo-fi king lo-fi just something like that look them up we're not dropping names i don't i'll drop them check my instagram i'm gonna drop them i liked the music big fan no whoever produced that shit kill those guys not the kill you first so what do we got today boys um do we want to talk about how just everything is so fucking frustrating or do you think we should just move right past that did you have something in mind

the micro fucking phones I mean that's kind of an us problem I think I don't know if it appeals to a greater audience just to cut it short for the last two hours Morgan's been waving a microphone around our apartment trying to figure out where the bus is coming from.

He's been staging our fucking apartment with a microphone. And we narrowed it down to frequencies. Apparently there's an electromagnetic field. I'll get through these words. Apparently there is? It's 5G, dude. It's in the air. Through my research, there's an electromagnetic field.

You're a fucking inbred, dude. The entire earth is an electromagnetic field. There's no words for how stupid you are so we have to have our microphones tilted just like this or else there's a buzz and i already moved mine yeah me too i hope you check that again but yeah life rips life actually absolutely fucking goes stupid was that your only thing that's bugging you that you're yeah dude i feel like every day it's something fucking new that i can't fucking figure out i mean you're always yelling about something in here how is everything so fucking hard i was thinking about

this uh you guys like need to get a couple of like de-stressor hobbies do you have any do you don't have any like things that you do that just kind of like i'm not stressed no okay that's fair i need some morgue you could use a thing that you could do that would take some stress away from your life okay every time i try to do something, it's something new. Okay, the other day, I went to go play basketball. I took this guy's fucking parking spot, and he just sits in his car. Yeah, I know. Fucking sits behind me in the parking lot, and he's like, oh, I could have fucking done that, but I didn't.

Like, people just try to fucking hate me in public. It sounds like. And then, like, he goes to play video games, and it's like a six-hour fucking update. Yeah, tried to go play video games with you. said oh let's do it tomorrow it'll take me forever to download look online he's fucking already playing well you were talking about a different game at first yeah so but anyways i had to download i didn't even know about that that's chapped no you were asleep no i mean i didn't know that when he requested to play he was already playing and he didn't he refused to play with you i didn't refuse that when he requested to play with you, he was already playing and he refused to play with you. I didn't refuse.

He said he wanted to play Halo. I don't have Halo. That's a lie. We used to play Halo together all the time. I don't have it on my Xbox. We got to redownload it. But there was a 38 gig update. It's like it'll be done next February.

I'm not going to fuck you. No, it's not on anyone. I'm just saying every time I try to do anything at all, it's just like a speed bump. See, with that mentality, Morg, I think that's where we need to break that down a little. That's true. Dude, I woke up, that was the night I went to bed at like 9.30 PM. I woke up at like 5 AM wide awake and I was just like, what am I supposed to do? So I ate and then I went to bed from 9 to 12.30. Yeah, I think we are getting to the age.

I went for a run today. How long was the run? A solid mile. Around the block. So you went for a seven minute run? I didn't. It wasn't a sprint. Whoa.

That's just how long it's been running. I don't know. It didn't. It wasn't that long. I'm not going to shame. I'm not going to buy it. Support. Yeah. He's trying to get. I'm not going to buy it. Support. He's trying to get a hobby and you're shooting it down.

No, I wasn't getting a hobby. That would be the lamest fucking thing you could pick. I just felt super weird. Afterwards? No, waking up when people are awake at a normal time. Oh. That does bring me to one of our things that we were talking about. Do we think it would just be more beneficial for us to switch completely to a nocturnal lifestyle?

Yeah, we were talking about this the other day. Because, I mean, especially for you, Morg, you don't do anything anyway. So when you do have to do things outside, wouldn't it be better? If, say, you were, you know, only awake during the night hours, you would just get your stuff done at like 6 a.m. when the store's open. No one's there. There's no traffic because it's early as shit.

Yeah, I think our day should shift from 6 to 6. Your three little chores that you have to do outside of this fucking 4x4 apartment are done in nighttime with no one outside. It's not that small.

I think there's a study that says something about needing sunlight on a day-to-day basis. You take vitamin D pills. No, there's something else. You actually do need it. Well, you would get sunlight during the like the early a.m. it'd be like you watch sunrise what about those kids that lived in a cave for like a couple weeks aren't they translucent you are close what about the submarine people they didn't need sunlight because they're fucking dead i'm just saying really think it out. Really think out your day.

You already sit in a dark room for 12 hours. Okay. You act like you get sunlight. Yeah. When do you go outside? I go for like three to five walks a day. Walks? What is that?

It's just for, I exercise at least once a week. And then I walk. We need to get it together. I'm just outside of the gym nearby outside of the vitamin d don't you think that it could be beneficial if you just completely switch because you already like think about like going out on the weekends and shit you don't have to like well like it wouldn't you wouldn't fuck your schedule up you just be like okay yeah this is when i'm awake anyway no i don't like it'd be like getting drunk like day drinking just going to bed at like 9 p.m

yeah i mean usually i wake up at like 9 p.m 9 a.m but i'm saying all the things that you do during the day you could just do at night but then i get to see no one ever i don't get it you don't do that anyway so i just you only see people on the weekends starting at 9 p.m anyway really think about it okay i can I come back to this? Yeah, sure. But I'm agreeing that we should adopt this. I think it could be beneficial for us also. As long as there's night golf, dude, I'm good.

Is there night golf? Yeah, there's night golf. Perfect. There is glow-in-the-dark balls. I'm just thinking about the fact that all the things that I have to do like out in public like go to the store like driving around and stuff i would be able to do those things you'd rather do them in the witching hour anyway yeah i'd rather do it when no one's there yeah costco at fucking opening time has got to be litter than shit that bitch got to open out like 7 a.m costco no it's weird it's like 10 to 10 to

8 30 or something really yeah but no i feel what you mean, though. You got to wait for the fat slobs to get out. Every time we go to the store, it's the fucking self-checkout the other week. Yeah. What do you think is the proper time that you're allowed to? That's not the self-checkout. That's the free exit. Yeah. It is also the free exit.

Oh, yeah. Dude, stuff's never been cheap. I don't think they work right. Because last time I went there, I bought a whole bunch of vegetables, and everything rang up as bananas. And it was only like $2. Yeah, I paid like $4.

It was weird. No, it's 15 items or less or it's all free. Well, if you have more than 15 items, you make it less. The rest is free. No, the rest is free. Anything above 15 items is free. Yeah, why does everything always say it's bananas in self-checkout? Mine always says Top Ramen.

Yes. Those are about the same price. Yeah. So, I mean, technically not stealing. Yeah, it's something in the code It's like zero one zero. That fucking microwave was tough bro. I actually had it the other day I scanned like three steaks as bananas and I had it like Error message came up and the guy had to come over and check it and he just still didn't say anything

Yeah, when they come and put in the code and it's just like I was like, yeah, I don't know I was just fucking yeah, why would that guy why did why would they ever care? They're no longer legally allowed to do anything anyway. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, they don't get paid more. Why would I ever give a fuck? No, it's illegal for them to do anything now. Yeah.

They can't try and stop any kind of theft in the store. Really? You can't do anything. There's too many lawsuits for injuries for people tackling people and shit. Oh, fair. So what are they supposed to do oh no so the law is actually it's illegal for employers to ask them to stop people oh yeah well duh yeah right and without that ask no one would ever no one whatever why would you care but if they catch you in self-checkout oh if you get caught and they they can't try and

detain you though they can't try and grab you yeah so they could just say like stop don't go yeah stop and you just know the beauty of getting caught in self-check i was like oops okay i'll scan it yeah right oh yeah that's been my men i've run through that a hundred times in my head it's just like oh shit i didn't i thought i scanned those crazy that that checks out in court too if if you do get caught yeah so does this i'm not trained on this thing i don't know how it works yeah i've never done true i mean i bet even a normal person fucks up 90 of the time on there easily i'm a normal person i'm not a professional cashier no i don't get paid to do that that's a

fair argument your fault for letting me i mean ladies we all know it's hot girl summer we're gonna take a break from the show. All right, ladies and gents. We're going to pause the show for a second. All right, ladies and gents. Morgan's got something to say. God damn it, Garrett. Read it up, baby. All right, ladies and gents.

We're going to take a quick break from the show because. You better not cut this shit. What do you mean? Just read the ad you in. We're taking a break, baby. Ladies. Hold on just a sec. We're going to take a break.

Give me a break. Give me a break. Give me that Morgan bar. That Manscaped bar. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a quick break for Manscaped, ladies. We'll be back in just a second. We'll be back in a moment, but first, a word from our sponsors,

Manscaped. Real quick. Morgan, take it away. God damn it. Let me fucking talk. Go ahead. Talk. Read it. Morgan, take it away for Manscaped.

Ladies. Quick break. God damn it. Be right back. Ladies, we all know. BRB. Manscaped. Ladies, we all know it's Hot Girl Summer.

Go ahead. You take it away. Shave that clam. Manscaped. Come on. This is better ad read than normal. Ladies, we all know it's Hot Girl Summer. it's hot girl summer i'll fucking slit your wrist ladies we all know it's hot girl summer but what kind of summer is your man having if your man isn't participating in smooth sack summer then what is

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let's keep the bush tamed with the lawnmower 4.0. Their package also includes the weed whacker the wheat what is that word includes the weed whacker ear and nose trimmer ear was the word yeah and an all-inclusive trip on the ocean gate submersible the crop preserver crop reviver toner performance boxer briefs and a travel bag to hold your goodies so remember you could get 20 off and free shipping with the code nofomo at manscaped.com now back to the show break the elephant in the room barbie it's coming up it's coming up hot the the new movie yeah first of all what the fuck is that movie about that's what i was just gonna we're debating whether or not it's got to be a musical or something right i have no idea we looked up the plot finally and it just says that you looked up to the yeah barbie and ken somehow

end up in like the real world after leaving barbie world and you know mayhem ensues. But he's like, so are they just real people when they go into human land or are they dolls? Yeah, it says human land in the description. Human land. Yes. Human land. Human land. It's in Northern California.

It's part of it. Southern, I think. It's in the armpit, kind of Fresno-ish. But yeah, there's no, I mean, I don't understand the draw at all. I don't, like the there's nothing anything besides them having like the two massive actors in it and dualipa okay she's in it yeah so it's gonna be good yeah it's gonna be really good what because she's an actress oh yeah um i don't understand how there's even any hype behind this. It kind of falls on the same realm to me as the live-action remake of any Disney movie.

But even less, because at least we know what those movies are. Yeah, but I already know what they are. I don't need to see them again. Well, I'm not saying I do, but there's a draw to it. I could get it. But who is it for, kids? No, it's adults it's not for adults

it's for I think it's it's more geared towards adults which I'm thoroughly confused by is it like PG-13 then I'm hoping it's R okay if it's R then if it's R I'm all in it's PG-13 I just don't understand what the fuck

is going on it's got Ryan Gos gosling and margot robbie in it that's the whole draw but so if it's pg-13 what is have barbie do they even still exist like can you still buy a barbie i don't think so yes yes yes yes oh so there's still a thing so it makes kind of sense yeah they're toys you think those are gone they're still like elmos and shit i thought what's the toy store called that used to be? Isn't Toys R Us like gone? There's still toys though.

Yeah, there's toys at Walmart, Target, everywhere. Not a whole bunch. You don't go out much. I know. I don't go to the fucking toy section much, correct? Good. You'd probably get arrested immediately. Yeah, I would.

But okay, okay. Let's say there's an audience. There is. But it's not. But I don't even think the audience is kids who play with Barbies. I don't think you take your eight-year-old daughter to go see this movie. No, I think you either like Margot Robbie or Ryan Gosling is the draw. I just don't think you can get away with an entire film just on that.

You can't. It'll make money, though. Yeah. You think? Easily. It's like the though. You think? Easily. It's like the most anticipated movie of the year. They got him. By every fucking metric

it is. No, that's fair. It's on social media all day, every day. That's fair. Wait, let me look at it. I can't. I'm going to see it in theaters. Really? Why? Because you're going to be by my side. I'm not going to see it can't I'm gonna see it in theaters really why because you're gonna be by my side dude I'm not going to see you're going to see it with us we're doing the boppenheimer

double feature dude no see that's how they get you you want to see oppenheimer and then they started this whole oh you got to go see both thing no we go get one tickets up with that no we get a ticket for oppenheimer we stay in oppenheimer's three hours I hope barbie's three hours it's gonna be a six hour day I'm no you don't want to go see Barbie I have literally no mark my words opening day we're doing a double feature John's already out and I'm wearing a pink skirt it's already out no July 21st July 21st it's already got a rating that's bad okay what does Barbie yeah six so if they get imdb is like a a fucking a group of people like professionals right um or is it people just normal people so it has like professional critics and user reviews but i think they're weighted differently so like when something gets a shit reviewed they just put

it out anyway like is there not like a what do you mean they they just put it out anyway? Like, is there not like a... What do you mean? They have to put it out first. Well, what is there? I'm saying, why don't people get the shit reviewed before they fucking put it out? Well, I mean, what is it? They already spent $100 million on it. You might as well try and get some money back. There's probably 10 reviews of it right now.

It's not an accurate scale. It's going to end up at a 9.5. Best movie of all time. Shawshank Redemption, Barbie, Dark Knight. That's the top three. IMDb. They spent $100 million. On just marketing?

No, on the movie. No, we spend $100 million on marketing. I'm not sitting through two hours. No, we're not seeing fucking Barbie, okay? Okay, thank you. I am. I am all in on this shit. It looks so bad.

I don't think it does. Visually, it's pleasing. What? the pink is pretty i'll see anything with margot robbie in there are you fucking kidding me see that's they did get a problem and you're part of the problem okay yeah i just answered my own question why would anyone go see it there you go yeah right so that's solved yeah got that elephant out the barbie movie shoot me in the head dude yeah fucking end my whole shit before anyone sees that uh speaking of movies that i haven't seen that i just watched uh just watched benjamin button

for the first time what never seen it before you've been patrick starren yeah it's got it's kind of an okay film but it did make me think okay i mean it's it's just like it's like okay yeah he ages backwards sure it's a but it's like the actual thing is it's just a love story it's a good movie like that amazing part to it it's a good movie it's a good movie yeah it's not bad at all yeah um but it's a seven this i this is one of the things it would be kind of cool maybe just to age backwards because here's what i'm convinced that i'm on my benjamin button shit you're on your... You're convinced you're on your Benjamin Button shit? Or I'm just an immortal witch. You're just still a child.

You're on your Benjamin Button shit. What? No, I'm not saying right or wrong. I'm just trying to... Refute it or back it up. I'm trying to process... You're either with me or against me. Am I on my Benji Butt-y What-y shit or not? I'm not saying right or wrong. I'm just trying to refute it or back it up. I'm trying to, you're either with me or against me.

Am I on my Benji, but he, what he shit or not. I'm trying to process the sentence you just put in that universe. Okay. So am I. I think I'm on my Benjamin button type shit. I swear I've gone down three shoe sizes this year.

Three. You could be just dying. Just dying young. You I was thinking about though it's kind of just what's the difference though if you reverse it um wait hold on hold on what's the difference though either way he dies young yeah right yeah no i'm not saying you're wrong i'm just saying you just haven't gotten like all the way back down yet like you died i'm buttoned up bro you died on your way back down to being young? Yeah. Like, basically, Brad Pitt just died at, like, 25. So we'd never even know. You could be right.

You wouldn't know. Until the fat lady sings. I guess so. I'm having Lizzo sing at my funeral. Lizzo. My funeral theme song is the Lizzo theme. Well, the fat bitch song. He's toast.

I'm sorry. The big whatever you want to call him. You could be a big bitch and still be beautiful. Not her. But yeah, I have a ball for it. Fair. But okay. So you said, why shouldn't we live that way?

Well, I think it's basically just if you grew up ugly is the whole movie so it's a john marsh story yeah that's all it's basically just people who had their fucking hit their stride at like later in life because like if you think about it yeah he didn't hit his till like yeah his was yeah his was just way longer but it's basically the same thing like you have to grow a personality because you're a fucking ugly bitch and then yeah as you get older then you when you're hot it's like oh wow he's a cool person i can't believe i bullied him for having fucking weak knees or whatever older shit you find it weird he didn't trade out the hag for like some hot piece of ass when he got super young well that's why it's that's why it's good not great

right it's like okay there was a point in there where he's i'm in high school my wife's 80 there was a point there where he slammed some puss after she like rejects him one time where he's i'm in high school my wife's 80 there was a point there where he slammed some puss after she like rejects him one time and he's like oh i will admit i had a few women i bet wait his girlfriend in the movie's 80 well they she ages normally he ages in reverse what what year do they meet at well oh so he's like 20 but he's still 80 and they meet when he's like old as shit and she's like technically they're the same age but he looks they meet in their 20s but he becomes you know younger 20 and she becomes 80 well no there is like a whole middle period where those same no they're vibing at some point in time

yeah they're a good looking couple at a yeah they for a long for a minute but then like the end is he's like a baby he's like 30 years old and she's like 60 and and they're or no she's having a kid at like 40 or something so then he's like middle age he's like hey you can't raise two kids because i'm gonna be a kid and he dips out and then he comes back when he's like 13 and she's old as pit and she fucks him again wait really actually maybe he wasn't well he was a young brad pitt though i'll tell you that on paper that's legal statutory rape but on film good looking couple yeah but actually on paper still good because technically he's 70 that's fair yeah do you think i'm not gonna get it well i was

thinking about this too because in the end he gets dementia and everything wouldn't you rather get dementia when you're a baby anyway you already have it you're born with it yeah you basically already had dementia when you were a baby yeah if you think about it you're born with it

like I'd rather we technically already Benjamin Button you know it's basically a movie about a regular guy you know you grow up having

someone wipe your ass and you go out having someone wipe your ass it's all the same I guess right yeah but uh kind of yeah if you look like Brad Pitt you can age in any direction you want as long as it's all the same i guess right yeah but uh kind of yeah if you look like brad

pitt you can age in any direction you want as long as it's into my ass so ladies and gentlemen all right jay what do you got for us um this is one that i stumbled upon that i kind of liked it's the stay toxic king trend you've seen these yeah i'm sure you've seen a couple of these but some of them i kind of dove a little deeper and they're pretty good. I think these could just help out Garrett pretty well. I feel targeted, but If she cancels

plans with you, wait five minutes and then reply, hey, my night just opened up. Still want a link. Oh, you're That is good. That's an absolute left-handed hook of a play right there. That would work 100% of the time.

I can't tell if you're reversing this on me. No, no, no. I'm just saying they get canceled. Your plans get canceled. Now, are we rating this on how... I'm just thinking it could work. Wait, are you saying this is toxic or this is well this is a toxic i'm not saying you're toxic i'm saying this is something that we could do to stay toxic because we got to stay toxic

run me that back no so if a girl you're texting a girl you have plans yeah she cancels she cancels she says hey i can't tonight whatever okay some bullshit excuse so i hit her with you say okay whatever okay some bullshit excuse so i hit her with you say okay then you wait five minutes text her back and say hey my night just became free you still oh shit i thought this was like a hail mary pathetic play no no this is this is that's gas gas there we go where have i been all my life yeah dude if you you could do this every time. I already do do this, but I would have sent that to the girl actually meaning it to her. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

No, this is huge for you. Like, hey, are you fucking, are you sure? Yeah, it's like, oh, on accident. Yeah, it's like, oops, sorry, didn't mean to send that to you. But then they're just like, oh, shit. Yeah, but I'm more like, is he cooler than me what's the problem what's going on yeah in your head you're freaking out you're like what's she doing that's why what the way i perceive that just shows so much about the way i approach women oh you were thinking she texted you that like like i sent that to her not pretending i was texting it to

someone else like i just sent that to her oh like I was texting it to someone else. Like, I just sent that to her. Oh. Like, hey, my night just opened up. Oh, you were thinking, like, you opened with that. I know you canceled the plans, but my night's free. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. No, but that would work 100% of the time. Like, in my scenario, I'm down horrific.

In that scenario, we're up big. Yeah, we're up big. I think that would work. That's fucking incredible. That would be really good, right? The best thing would be to, like, put a name in there not hers yeah yeah you throw that that would be fucking lit well because then you know you're getting blown up and you're like oh you just you're not gonna follow up oh sorry like my bad i'm oh my god that's yeah you just go like

hey babes night just cleared up you ladies i'm back and my night just opened up like it's a group text holy shit this is a good one if a girl says she's not looking for anything like you're talking to her and you're like hey maybe what are we kind of thing and she says I'm not looking for anything say I am

but you aren't the type of girl that I'm looking for that's fucking heft yeah that would just work analysis yes that's fucking hefty well it pretty much always just comes down to what do you think they're thinking and then give them the opposite reaction yeah just give it like they're like oh this guy's all no worries i am but you didn't make the cut anyway yeah well i i am but i wasn't you're definitely not oh yeah i'm baffled you even thought that was in the conversation yeah that would work um this one's just kind of actually mean but i think it was funny the other two weren't well those are like those are you're trying those are fucking lit those are you're trying to you know work it back to some power situation ladies this one just out of my

dms this week it's gonna be a bloodbath This one says, when someone complains that you left them on red, say, sorry, I just didn't mean to open it. That's fucking good. That's good. My bad meant to turn red receipts off. Okay, okay. This one's a good one. This one I think you could use more.

Always just text her at 1111 and 444. So the universe thinks she's getting a sign. Oh, they would love that. You could work the shit out of that. 333, 222, 111. I mean, yeah, they left off some times here, but that's too many texts in the day. You don't want to do that many.

You could hit them on every hour with one. If you only reply once an hour. No, you can't do nine o'clock. 999. Or seven or eight or six. Yeah. You can only do it o'clock. 9-9-9? Or 7 or 8 or 6. Yeah. You can only do it with 1 through 5. Yep.

This is why I get no pussy. Yeah. Setting it at 9 o'clock, not working. Oh, but it restarts at 10. 10-10. Yeah. 10-10 we could do. You just can't do 6, 7, 8, or 9.

Yeah, you work from those hours, and then the rest you could... Six, seven, eight, nine. You could try and... See, back to the nocturnal thing. Yep, nighttime is better. Wait, there's... Eh, AM, PM, whatever. This is a good one for you, Morg, if you ever fall into this situation. If a girl says, we need to talk about something, you say...

No thanks. You say, I'm glad you brought that up, because there is some stuff that we need to talk about. Then you silence your notifications and ignore them. I love that. So they're in panic mode because they're trying to hit you with the, hey, we need to talk.

So where you're like, flip it. Well, you flip. It's always flip it, right? It's always about reversing the power dynamic. We need to talk? No. Like you're fired, I quit. You're breaking up with me?

That's weird. I broke up with you yesterday. Yeah, never healthy, always toxic. Yeah. How long, what's the window in which you're allowed to edit a message on the new feature? I think it's 15 minutes. Ah, fuck. No, I think it's as soon as you could unsend it before they see it.

Unsend I think is only like a minute. But edit, I think it's 15 minutes. Because I was like, if you could just go back and do that shit. Just be like, that's weird. June 11th, I broke up with i broke up oh like in an argument you just edit the whole months ago i thought it was kind of weird that you kept texting me no but it's kind of stupid though that it it tells everyone when you unsend something like if you're in a group text it says oh in a group text or any i'm actually no even a normal thing it says i don't i don't think i've had anyone do that yet it says unsent yeah that's fucking stupid when people send me fucked up shit they just leave it well it's like they it's like they add these features and then they blow your

shit up for the only time you'd use them yeah it's like what the fuck yeah it's pretty much wait it does say if you unsent something yeah it says unsent john unsent but you could easily you could get away with murder on that. You could just be like, I sat on my phone. It was all letters. Oh, no, you could just say, no, I didn't. It was the whole alphabet. Prove it.

Can you unsend the notification that says that you unsent? Ooh. Now, that's something to look into that I don't know off the top of my head. Is that an oxymoron? His look into it. No, that's just a moron. That's just a regular moron. Okay, those are all I had any other toxic things

you can think of? ways to be can you think of a nice little rebuttal to hear their problem? think about your daily life you get yelled at all the time so good

good ways to be toxic? yeah I guess I'm just so not toxic you know oh okay Oh, good ways to be toxic? Yeah. I guess I'm just so not toxic, you know? Oh, okay. It's kind of fair, though. I feel like we aren't toxic. No, no. There's a strategy here.

Yeah. I mean, I think we're more swindlers than toxic, you know? Snake oil salesman. Slimy. Snake oil salesman. Like, I know how to slide my way out of something without slither about hurting their feelings you know I mean yeah you do ways to be toxic good let me see good for you well cuz the thing I like about these is most of them are like they're kind of trying to be toxic first and

you're kind of flipping it yeah yeah oh shit damn it that was good um happy birthday silly string is likely toxic well you know this is something actually what okay so when you're first starting out with someone going along the like like what's the proper time to like respond to them or follow up oh i was gonna bring this up like Like a proper response time? You ever accidentally get into a tech schedule with someone? You were actually busy and then you took an hour to respond. And then all of a sudden, that's your schedule. Oh, that's just doubling.

No, but you talk and they're responding promptly, maybe every 10 minutes, whatever. And then all of a sudden, you actually just forgot or something came up. And then it was 45 minutes later. And then maybe you don't say, you don't explain why, because you're like, why do I need to explain myself?

And then all of a sudden, they don't respond. And then you're like, okay, well now I have to wait to respond that long. Yeah, well you just have to break that chain at some point. No, but have you ever had it where you just try to get back on the normal schedule and then they do the same shit and're like oh we're fucked oh like a diminishing return like you accidentally responded late and then now they feel and then now they feel

like they have to and then you try to regenerate the timing and then they do it again you're like okay fuck this yeah that's why i think i think phone calls are just the answer with girl this with this one girl i'm on like a two-year thing it's amped up so hard it's gotten so aggressive in 2025 45 minutes how about an hour 30 what's the longest time frame you think you've actually done that and it worked though because i think i've done probably for like a year it's worked well what do you mean worked not like actively talking to someone no no i'm saying like i've had in the past like a year gap and it still worked out like you've but that's but what do you mean by worked out yeah what does that mean like

you ended up hanging out again like it was like oh i met her then text her like a year later well yeah that's different i'm talking about like talking to a girl okay yeah that's not like she was like hey what are you doing this the most time you were just like oh i'm going to the bars you want to come i feel like the longest like a longest time to see the longest you've gone to like regenerate a normal talking schedule i think like three or four days no i say months no not months you know no no i'm talking about like you're talking consistently oh like you're just continuing a conversation like hey sorry like you ever like genuinely like missed text then you feel bad so you like kind of write it out to see if they'll say and then you're just like oh fuck it's been three days so you don't reply well no i'm just like and you're

just expecting them to double text because you didn't reply in your world call me glass half full i don't know i don't think i missed this one hopefully they send another one i don't think i ever really have conversations though yeah i don't as soon as it comes down to almost anything yeah i'd rather just talk on the phone really making plans i don't do over text wait you small chat over fucking text still if you're like talking talking to someone that's not talking talking like how was your day that should be in the skull no more like what up bitch what are you doing it'll for me it's only ever to the same what up what up shody damn shody how is that 24 how was that how that last 24 treats you that nine to five life what up this is i back again i get no ass well talking on the phone makes me sit nauseous really really i mean unless i want to well here's the thing for me say

say we've been texting whatever and then we have we're trying to make plans to hang out on the weekend okay if it's a girl i like i'm i'm sitting there crisscross applesauce well i'm just saying if it's i got my airpods in a bow speaker and it's on speaker and i'm listening through all three methods with your fucking feet in the air twiddling no behind my back yeah like i'm sitting on a high chair just fucking kicking your feet i don't know what are you doing no but as soon as it comes down to like okay well i'm busy you know saturday maybe sunday whatever as soon as that text starts happening i'm just like let's just do this in five seconds do you hit them with like are you free to jump on a call in five or what do you do i think i just make it the standard.

Like they know. Because I'll say when I call sometimes, they'll be like, hello? Like what's up? I'd rather just do this in five seconds on the phone than over 30 text messages. It's a way easier way to get a gauge of the scenario too. Say you hit them with some plans and they're like,

oh, I'm doing something that night. And then maybe you're like, ooh, am I getting blown off? If you just call them, you're like, no, no, I really want to hang out. But like over text and then maybe you're like, ooh, am I getting blown off? If you just call them, you're like, no, no, I really want to hang out. But over text, it could just be like, ooh, I actually have something that day too, and you would have just taken it the wrong way. The other thing for me, though, is-

This is why I just don't talk to people. I text like a fucking old man. Yeah, you are. I'm like thumbs up, text, cool. I text like a lawyer. I'm on my Gen Z shit. It's like there's no fun to it whatsoever. I'm like thumbs up, text, cool. I text like a lawyer. I'm on my Gen Z shit. Yeah, it's like there's no fun to it whatsoever. I'm strictly emojis and GIFs.

Oh, I'll throw a thumbs up emoji in there. See, that's so millennial of you. Yeah, see, I think the thing with texting is people just start to fill in the conversation for your side if you don't respond in the perfect way. Yeah, there's a lot of every single thing from the timing to the punctuation to the to the lack of an emoji or yeah haha lol yeah they're they're putting their own tone if there's not like three hahas i can't adapt to

someone who needs the haha lol every time because i can't do that so they think i fucking hate them i'm the fucking yeah iha-ha-ha. Yeah, I'll put like an LOL and a ha-ha. LOL is almost offensive. You know what I mean? Not if it's after a ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-LOL. Yeah, that shit rips.

When's the last time you got a raffle copter? A raffle? A raffle copter? I don't think I've ever gotten that. When's the last time I got a raffle? No, raffle copter. What's a raffle copter? Is that different? That's like a fucking XXRR.

I can't remember. High school? Yeah, see, you guys are so old. Okay, here's one that goes with that, with the texting, though. What's the appropriate amount of time to hang out with, I think, even a girlfriend? You're not living with a girlfriend. How many fucking times do we need to hang out with like i think even a girlfriend you're not living with a girlfriend

how many fucking times do we need to hang out during the week i think min three what's the appropriate amount of time to hang out with a girlfriend during the week like weekend yeah you should probably one or two i think oh like during the week yeah i'm fine with never during the week during the week monday through friday i'm fine with not seeing you until friday night i think you got to get at least a wednesday in there kind of break it but it's so annoying oh don't get me wrong don't get me wrong it's it's a fucking chore no okay in san diego how many days a week do you need to mow the lawn like i don't want to do it but i'm gonna fucking do it but the lawnmower is not gonna suck my dick it could no i will for anyone i think it just depends on where you live because

san diego it's like okay especially like for you coming to our house like fuck i gotta drive down there and then oh fuck the parking's dog shit i get a fucking parking ticket like it's a fucking i'm over it yeah yeah him justifying why his girlfriend never comes over um never trying to put it through me no for like he's like look parking shit for someone like you i know how it looks i'm a dick and no i think uh it depends how deep you are i mean with when i was in a dense relationship well because far beyond its expiration date i was like five days a week but here's the really dude here's the other side yeah why do you think we broke up i was fucking going insane here's the other side if you don't if you don't hang out then you have to fucking do the bullshit chit chat well here's yeah okay first things first yeah then what you're just

gonna fucking text all week and try to sustain it that way but But I think... Dude, I'm out. I'm out. Also, like from a girl's perspective, not that I'm a girl, but I can just see how it could come off the wrong way. If you're only hanging out with them on the weekends, they're like, what's this boy doing? Working. Yeah, what could I be doing? After 8pm every single day of the week?

Going to... Eating dinner and going to bed. I mean, try explaining that to a fucking Gemini. I'm trying. I'm trying right now. Geminis, listen up, fucking idiots. No, but yeah, one or two, I think. I think, and then is it a full weekend commitment? See, that's what I'm saying, dude.

Then we're talking over half the week at that point. I think it's alternating Sundays with the boys for hangovers no Saturdays are for the boys no no like Friday Saturday you're hanging out with each other's friends whatever and then alternating hungover Sundays is like okay one day I'll be hungover with her one day I'll be hungover with the boys

I don't know I'd rather go out with the boys and then be hungover with her I think than have to go out with her and then hear about how much fun my boys had when i'm hung over no but like in an ideal scenario she's out with the boys in an ideal scenario she doesn't exist and ladies and gentlemen there you have garrett and john morgan you're fucking blowing it um next topic next topic macy's one of the boys okay this is a good one i think

Um, next topic. Next topic. Macy's one of the boys. Okay, this is a good one, I think. Why is it considered, like, normal and okay for girls to have a bunch of, like, dildos, vibrators, whatever, but having one shared pocket between the boys is considered fucked up? Why aren't we allowed to have toys? Why is that considered gross? First of all, you're asking the wrong crowd wrong crowd because i'm all for this why are pocket pussies gross anything i'm not allowed to

have a fucking little like half an ass oh you're saying like they're allowed to have all these toys they're allowed to have them all but i can't have it i can't have a weird i can't have a half size body torso yeah i can't have a torso with tits on it that i rail down god forbid you find a mold of jenna j Jameson's pussy under the sink. Yeah, but all of a sudden, oh, yeah, I have my vibrator. I have my thruster, whatever fucking shit they have. You got a whole drawer, bitch. At least let me get my fucking dream porn stars.

Could you imagine a one-night stand where she opens your drawer and finds that, but you open a drawer and you find a bunch of dildos. She's like, yeah, whatever. Oh, you're like, oh, well. well it's just folk why is it faux pas i don't even know what that means but i couldn't agree with you why is it so faux pas why can't i have an arm that clamps down on my neck why can't god forbid my boy has to hover over the bench why spank me while we're fapping. Why can't I have a clone of my best friend in my closet? No, I do agree there is a bit of a disconnect on the acceptance. Like, I have to just use my hand. They have a hand.

They could use a hand. But they get to have a fucking... A rubber fist. Super max 3008 fucking speed, whatever. Yeah. God forbid I have a life-size fucking Barbie in my closet. And I can't have a fucking bug's life replica pocket pussy. And I can't have an avatar the way of the water.

I think it just comes down to like they already know we're pigs. So to like see it, it's like, ugh. No, I think a pocket pussy just comes with a lot of questions, especially because we're dudes. But what else is there? That's like saying like uh that's like saying a pocket pussy is equivalent to like a fucking big rubber fist for a girl that would be weird but like that's step one of our stuff that's our here's the best way i can break it down i can't

have a vibrating cock ring if you went into that's okay those are cool the best way i can rationalize it is if you went into bill cosby's basement and you saw a kid chained up you'd be like part for the course you went into mine you'd be like what the fuck is going on went into Bill Cosby's basement and you saw a kid chained up, you'd be like, eh, par for the course. You went into mine, you'd be like, what the fuck is going on here? So I think it's the same thing. It's like, if you know what's going on already, you don't really want to see it. Okay. This one's not okay though. That's incredible. That's not okay. You can't have a pocket mouth. What's the scale on that? It has nostrils. Yeah. Those are, you didn't know they had mouths? I think I knew maybe that they had... They've got like...

They've got like... I might have known that they've got them. Okay, new question. If you were to get one, who... This one, the tongue comes out. Whose model are you going with and which hole are you going with?

All of them and everyone. I'd do the John model. No, custom mold. This one, the tongue comes out. See, that makes me uncomfortable. Okay, this is why is why because for us they make them gross yeah have you guys seen the um they do like a mini torso yeah i've seen the mini torso mini torso it's just like it's like an ass but it's just like this big yeah it's like an ass but it's this yeah i've never seen anything like that i mean no yeah no um but what was the question again let's try to let's try to circle back here why how why is it okay for them to have them and us not

because i just think because we were just expected to be pigs like if you pulled out if you pulled out a drawer i'm already a i'm already a pig if i just beat my dick off once a day yeah but like okay you pull out a you wouldn't expect to open a girl's nice hand drawer and see a bunch of toys you'd be like whoa she's into some shit no that's pretty but if you saw ours you'd be like okay let's take it out of a bunch let's just say they're allowed to have a vibrator and i'm allowed to have one pocket pussy that me and morg share why am i left out of this shit you want to share yeah i was trying to make it more normal three people i don't know see that's where it gets me. Jesus, fuck all. God damn it, Warren. No, I think the thing is...

No, I think this is... It comes down to equality. And this is why we pay him less, is because this is bullshit. And there's the cut. No, I don't know. It's fucked up. No, I think it's because...

But do we have proof that they would actually even care? Yes. Do they? I don't know. Try it out. Okay, here's a here's a leave a fucking absolute rusty pocket pussy okay if if see how many girls if i had a full-on fleshlight yes that's a full-on pussy but the girl her counter is like she's got like a fucking eight

inch dildo in her thing i would think that's equal i think she would that same girl would go to her friends and be like dude this guy had a fucking pocket pussy sitting out and they'd be like ew that's gross and i'm like no i think i've solved it i think it's the detail on the dildo if she has a dildo that looks like a very good venus eight inch dick that would be weird for me that's normal how many of the dildos aren't don't have the detail that you've seen no i'm saying if if it's like a like an actually good looking dick dildo that's a little weird i can see you're getting offended that mine i can see you're getting offended that mine's autographed by adriana chichich can we get it could i be good looking for you can i break down a good looking dick yeah yeah i'm just saying like it looks like wait more veins or less veins

yeah what is the good looking part? As opposed to the not good looking. And this is coming from your own mouth. Why don't you describe a gross one? No, I can describe a good one. Okay, yeah, sure. Describe your ideal cock. Describe my ideal, okay, my ideal dildo?

No, you're, however you'd like to describe it. Whichever one that you're. It could be rubber, it could be on me, I don don't know it could be whatever you want your ideal cock okay my argument was that no i know what your argument was we're asking more about your point not your it's which detail of the cock is you're taking it too far for you okay like if it's if there's way too many veins it's weird what takes a dick from Jonah Hill to Brad Pitt? Other than it being fatter. I think one strong vein with a branch off to the side is a strong one.

So too many veins is it? If it's too venous? If it's too venous, it's too far. Like a spider web on there? Yeah. That means he's vascular. What if that's what they want? Are you just... No, it's what he wants.

But that's where I draw the line. It's weird. It's not about them. That's where you draw the line. So anything else is fine. Like if it's what you want but that's where i draw the line it's weird it's not about that's where you draw the line so anything else is fine like if it's wait but if you were to draw the line where would you draw it like that one big line where would it be on the right a little bit on top oh you like it skewed okay okay noted what was the question again why your ideal cock describe it no no no no, no, no. Why? Listen. Okay.

Why is it fair for them to have them? It's normal. Oh, I know why. Because they never get to come. Yeah, for us, we could get the job done with this. For them, they can't get the job. They can also do that, though, I feel like. No.

No. For themselves? It's a well-known fact. I don't think so. They need like a vibrator. They need many things going on. What if I need more? Also, those nails, you can't be going they need like a vibrator they need many what if i need more also those nails you can't be going in there like that ah true i get chastised if i fucking didn't click i don't want to beat myself off with these fucking scaly hands dude i need i don't have

well that's why you fucking hide it in a good place and this conversation doesn't exist because we don't have them i just want to leave it out dude i'm trying to actually never have owned a pocket okay would it be less weird if we just had a rubber hand with no calluses on that's what i'm saying why why can't we have something well rubber hand i would objectively say is weird i i will back the girls on this one a rubber fist would be fucking weird no with a hole in it though no i know what you mean now that would be something just a new arm honestly it would just be kind of upsetting for you to buy that. Yeah. You're like, you want to pretend you're fucking another hand? That would be weird for sure. But I think...

Look, like, we can cut this if needed. Has anyone here ever actually bought a pocket pussy? No, I've never had one. Me neither. No. I heard fleshlights kind of fucking rip. Well, I'm kind of scared if they are that good. It's like heroin.

I don't want to be. You might fuck around with it. I haven't tried heroin. I might fuck around and never talk to it. I should only do it once a day, but if I start doing it eight times a day, then it's weird. Yeah, exactly.

I already barely talk to women. If I had that, I'd probably just fuck around. I think once a day, heroin would be bad. Worse than the fucking blood sugar. Yeah, definitely. What, I only i only do it once a day oh this is a good one in related news um what what do you think you would be the best in the world at if you were a virgin because you know how they're all like good at weird like fucking rubik's cubes or something almost everything right like you think i'd be a fucking like world-class Cubes or something? Almost everything, right? Like, do you think I'd be a fucking world-class piano player or something?

If I just didn't care about getting laid? Let me think. I don't think women have really held me back from much. You think? You're willing to say that? You just suck for no reason, then? Yeah, it's internal.

Okay, we'll go with a different one here. Okay. I mean, no, we don't have to switch the whole conversation just because I answered it honestly. Jesus Christ. Let me think. Okay. If I was a virgin, what would I be super good at?

You'd be a better lover to me. I would be a better lover to you, but we wouldn't say virgins for long. Night one. Virgin, what would I be super good at? You'd be a better lover to me. I would be a better lover to you, but we wouldn't say virgins for long. Night one. No, let me actually think about this. Okay, think about it. If you'd never...

Well, we'd never leave the house if we... Well, that's what I'm saying goes along with it. It's not just like, oh, we've never gotten laid. It's like you don't go out. You're not trying to talk to girls. You're not on Hinge. You're not fucking doing anything like that you're not dming girls following i'd be good at i'd be like just think about your instagram feed if it wasn't full of just like a bunch of swimsuit models i'd be 28 years sober probably sober yeah i think almost everything right yeah i mean i mean when you're young you start drinking because you don't know how to talk to girls and then that's why you started drinking huh no i started drinking

because i've fucking my boys drank i started drinking because of beer pong cool that's a tough one though i don't know everything yeah pretty much anything you thought of you'd be the best make me into the best version of myself instantly yeah yeah that's fair okay well this goes along with that probably be closer to the lord it by default you have a better relationship with god if you had to create an olympic event for yourself that you were guaranteed to gold medal in what would you pick like am i creating it and i have to get good at it? Or just based off... No, you get to create it for yourself. No, you're already the best at it.

So that you could win one. Like, tomorrow, they're like, hey, what event should we put it in? And you're like, this. I'm going to be the best at it. Taking a whole fucking bottle of Adderall and... I was going to say Adderall Olympics you got. Drinking six twisted teas in four seconds.

Saying I'm not blacked out when I'm blacked out. Are you asking me what I think I'm the best in the world at? Well, I'm saying it doesn't have to be something cool. It could be anything. You get to create the event. You don't have to say like... Oh, it could be anything. Yes.

Jesus Christ, you hate me. No, but I'm trying to think of something that would be actually cool. Well, you don't have any of those things i'm good at um like a first hang with the girl and then them never talk to me again so so appearing attractive on instagram and then being semi good at texting but in person oh no it's nothing to do with instagram they saw my instagram they never talked to me um swindling them into thinking I'm cool okay first night so blowing it gold medal and blowing it yeah okay I like that more I would say mispronouncing words the ghost olympics reading oh yeah just reading reading a sentence straight up reading yeah if

it has more than three syllables it it's tough. Reading out loud. Gold medal, Morgan Bunges. I think I just think so fast that it's just... I don't think that's it. I think it is. I really don't think it is. I think it has the opposite sort of deal. Like, I'm already on, like, three words down,

and I'm trying to recoup on the last couple. I think you're just trying to make sure that you pronounce the previous word correctly as you're saying the next one. It's another way of looking at it, for sure. Well, like, your brain's almost like when you teach a person to learn a language, you're like spelling out each fucking vowel and syllable and they're all separate in your mind. You don't see words.

You see it broken down into like. What? No, I think I just read too fast. That's not. Nope. So not it. Okay. Promise.

And you got something up your sleeve. I didn't have anything prepped. I was thinking something like remembering the keywords to get me to that porn that I like. Because I won't remember the name of the person, but I'll be able to describe. Well, make it so that I forget very often. I'll be able to describe the words of the scene. Small person. Yeah.

Below four feet tall. No, I 100 no i 100 feel that yeah i really do yeah you're like how many guys do you think are like i know what you're good at i know what you would be the fucking worst at remembering anyone's name besides oh gold medal for forgetting names yeah holy fucking shit this guy can't remember yeah should we reverse the question what would be i actually think i could get a gold medal in remembering people's names. He would get the fucking opposite of the gold. No, we should reverse it. What's up, Chad? What are you so bad at that if it was the competition?

Remembering names is one of them. I can't remember anyway. Yeah, that might be you. But we found out the workaround for it. I can remember weird little details about them. He's like, oh, the guy who had the peacock statue in his room. And I'm like, Oh yeah,

Greg. And I'm like, his name's fucking Bob. Like how hard is that? I'm not even kidding. And it's not even like this conversation like happened today. Yeah. We're driving to his house.

I couldn't remember. We were on the way. He's like, who are these people again? The thing that actually does work though, is if you say their name back to them. No, it doesn't.

You don't think that works? I introduced myself to everyone. No, you say there. Yeah to them no it doesn't you don't think that works i introduced myself to everyone no you say they're yeah nice trust me nothing works for him really yeah well because john meets someone with the assumption that he's never talking to them again which is normally true i meet someone with the assumption like i'm gonna be they're gonna be your best friend for 10 years blacked out or they have a bad cell in five years and i'll run into him be like yo see i just yeah no i'm good off that dude yeah i've just already prejudged you deleted you from my life before i even heard yeah i'm surprised you even let yourself get to the point of meeting them i try not to yeah i try not to i try to introduce to my friend john he's like i'm good yeah but no the

worst is like a super random person that you know for fuck all true that there's no chance yeah there's nothing more uncomfortable than a person you've met 20 plus times and for the life of you can't remember their name dude i had i hung out with somebody world for me well that for you that must be a common common i've had like three people tell me that to my, and I usually have a good lie. I've come up with lies for why I'm like, Oh, probably met when we were hammer. It doesn't really count.

I said that to someone recently who I had forgotten their name. And he said, you said that last time too. Oh yeah. I was like, I was like, fuck. Yeah.

Sick dude. I'm like, so fucking whack about that. We're all literally like, go ask someone their name and then go back up to them and be like, I was totally kidding, bro. Oh yeah. But it's not even for me that I don't remember their name and then go back up to them and be like, I was totally kidding, bro. Oh yeah.

But it's not even for me that I don't remember their name. It's, I don't even remember meeting them. So like, I'm, I'm already like, Hey, nice to meet you,

dude. And they're like, we've met like three times. Oh, you take that out. You should never do that ever again. I stopped doing that completely. I just,

anyone is why we don't invite them to anything. Come on, man. Who cares? I'm over it. Ladies and gents, thanks for tuning in the garrett show it's been real um john and morgan showed up cool um i will see you guys next friday yeah fridays oh we got maybe should i have my guests back again john and morgan you guys like

them leave something down in the comments i don't know if i'm into it all right gang shining off garrett show gang