NO FOMO - 49. The Insults Draft

Episode Date: July 14, 2023

🔔 Subscribe & Follow: https://linktr.ee/nofomopod 🎽 Merch: https://www.bonfire.com/store/no-fomo/ Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we break down Garrett's beach phobia, play ASL Jeopardy, and do the Insults Draft. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back to the motherfucking FOMO show. No FOMO. Turn me up, son. Turn me up, dude. What's the deal with airline food? Fuck yeah, dude. It's in the air, and there's no lines! Oh, dude, they're just bussing on us, dude.

You've gotta be kidding me! Is that a booger? Huh? You are a fucking booger, broger you're a fucking bugger foot you're the fucking bugger boy you fucking ready dude that was a good one it was you have that in your yeah that's in my insults draft number one what's up idiots you're a boogie garrett and john here today just john's clone yeah just a clone dude he's looking mad cute and i had to fucking he's just every time he I had to fucking he's just

every time he would look at John he would put on another clothing item that is identical to what he's wearing already to be fair change the shades

didn't change the shirt though put on a beanie I had this on before he changed that shirt since he got it yeah that's true dude this is well washed and it looks good as fuck

and he makes sure he's holding that cup every time yeah it's gotta be right in shot people like some continuity dude yeah come on I've seen so

many comments about how people love that dude they do yep hey we don't need another comment about a guy that wants to fuck you though uh that's continuity that's called yeah if you want some continuity keep it continuity i'm just mad cute every episode that's oh oh that reminds me i have this written down this is a good one um so i had a girl message me from the podcast thing and she said you would be the hottest one on the podcast if you weren't the poorest. And what's great about that is. That's so fucked up. You are?

No. I was like, you guys. Oh, that's so good. But then. Was that trying to like, were you trying to like. What did you say? Were you trying to like hype yourself up right there? Well, no, I.

No, no, no. I was was like what's great about that? No, I think the funny thing is you guys are perceived as richer. Oh cuz we are cuz we It was all just kind of a ploy on her part because She was trying to get me to say that I wasn't poor which I wouldn't say and then she was like well if you're not Poor with him. Why don't you fly me out? Oh, was like, oh, okay. So, okay. Ding dong. Yeah. Oh, we got there. She had an elaborate plan. Is this the same one that said, uh, John is shameless in the DMs just now? What did you say for real back? What did I say for real back? Yeah. You said, no, you could pay for it. Didn't you? I said, LOL. Nah. I said, I said, there it is.

Cause I was like, yeah, what are we getting at here? Okay. I, uh, I literally probably haven't opened TikTok in like weeks and I just opened it up to, it shows to see how we're doing.

But holy fuck are the comments just insane these days. Oh yeah. They're all over the place. It's a bloodbath. What was that most recent one that people didn't they like some people just can't tell we're fucking joking and yeah so funny to me that's the best part they think we're serious and then a bunch of people like it like comment on that person saying it's like we're fucking kidding shut the fuck up you can't tell

by the serious well no that's gonna come along with any any joke in the world has had some person realize not think it's a joke. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody commented like, oh, these guys are so gay for each other. I was like, yes. Well, first of all, duh. Thank you. God. Wow, you're the most observant person. Watch the first episode.

It's pretty fucking. It's right there. Watch any episode. Big stretch, guy. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah, but it's funny just looking at the fucking losers that comment and then yeah and i just want to say something back so bad but because initially you would always fire back people were like we gotta stop doing that no because i love charging those

comments maybe give me those views oh yeah she likes the game igniting fire well i got like three burners now so i'll just fucking fire off and be like yeah this guy's right he just has an account to take any side possible oh yeah I'll pre-nuke and then have a couple likes set up and a couple responses

yeah this guy's got it fuck the guy that fucking comment you have someone say no and then back that lay yourself up I love that this guy's right

that's good this guy's the man it's called it's called encouraging engagement yeah it's uh there's a term for it but yeah I think that's what it is

I think it's called AI yeah it's just called Morgan's our own Morgan but yeah i think that's what this i think it's called ai yeah it's just called me morgan's our own morgan is built-in morg bot get fucked yeah but morg bot somebody instantly fires back on your comment just just a complete contrary but it's me the morg bot what's uh i feel like this has been a pretty uneventful week for the boys so far in a good way. Garrett's scared of the beach. I'm not scared of the beach. Garrett got scared of the beach.

You're scared of the beach. I didn't want to go to the beach. You're scared of the beach. It wasn't you didn't want to go. You said you were scared to go. You're a little beach. I said I was scared to go. I remember you saying that, I don't know, I'm kind of scared. Okay.

You're scared of the beach. Next time. The sun hurts. No, we keep going, dude. What else? Do we got more on this? yeah no more on this uh we had a good time which part of it would you say you're most scared because i think there's a lot of things you should be scared of well i'm i'm very open about not fucking with the ocean but that's that it has nothing to do that's like the third maybe fourth on my list yeah yeah what else you got what else do i got what yeah that you're scared of at the beach. Yeah The beaches yeah Not a big fan. Oh, Sam's good. Yeah, don't love it

I was thinking son for you is a big one son's a big one. He was really not one to say that yeah Where I think he's gonna end yeah, he was gonna top it. I don't was I supposed to prepare a list for this Yeah, you were but come to the beach. You had a good time. Do you have fun? Look at how we did have a good time. Look at dad look at this fucking sunnage yeah just wasn't feeling it uh you son of the beach no i just it was a it was like the first weekend that we weren't just like in shambles and i was like i actually have some shit i should do like laundry weeks worth of laundry worked on some music you know know. All right. Well, some housekeeping items. We don't like you for it. Fear manifests in many forms.

And laundry is one of them, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. But he did do some good things, I think, when we were gone or something. Let's go. Next, next thing. You guys dug your own grave on this one. I don't really know where this was going.

I didn't know he was coming out with this one. I just remember he didn't come to the beach. I was just trying to recall what happened this week okay i like that that was good that's a really good energy that we knew the energy was good i got my basketball stolen yesterday fucking you guys stolen yeah cool next all right next time go is that all you had for my week yeah i wasn't like looking for things that we did. We didn't do anything this week. Yeah, yeah, I think that was the moral.

The moral was more like we did it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We built up a lot of credits or anti-credits. Anti-credits. We're in debt. Yeah, we needed to take this from them. We're in life debt. Yeah, no, we were in big-time debt.

We were just getting back to we're still negative for sure. Yeah. Oh, life-wise negative. Yeah, no we were in big time debt. We were just getting back to we're still negative for sure Yeah, Oh life life wise negative. Yeah for sure big time. Oh shot an AR for the first time off No sleep, that's it'll rattle your fucking Ricky told me you were too scared to shoot it Yeah, he said I did Ricky did tell me you were too scared that's actually that's fact I started out No, I started out too scared that means you're still scared. He told me you didn't touch it He said he did not say that yeah, he said you were tired. They are no he said you out too scared that means you're still scared. He told me you didn't touch it. He said he did not say that Yeah, he said you were tired. They are no he said you're too scared. You're lying You're nice around my life. It's where my life on your call Ricky, but the first time you yeah, I mean no, but

But no no sleep and he fires it for the first time It's like three times louder than every gun in there, and I'm just like oh fuck. I'm not ready for this You can't sound like a little bitch, and I felt like a little bitch I was like come on if you've never shot one they're aggressively powerful but then I got behind it also if you're just like a bitch normally yeah if you're overall a bitch

I think you would be more inclined to be scared well I got it out dude I fucking okay so you don't like ARs I don't like the beach you know what would suck is an AR at the beach neither of us could go no I don't like it actually that would suck for a lot of the beach. Neither of us could go. No, I don't like it. Actually, that would suck for a lot of people. John, what were you scared of this week?

I thought I had long COVID. I think we both actually did. What the fuck is long COVID? I think you... I did have it. I don't know. I did have it. You actually had it.

Did you make that term up? No, long COVID's a thing. I think we had mono or something. It's just like long-lasting. But can you... It's like... We didn't really get sick. We didn't really get sick.

Fuck, I was confused. Thank God you explained what long COVID is. Yeah, but I could... I think... So I basically was afraid of being awake was my thing. Yeah, I couldn't stay awake for... I mean, it was obviously... That's called depression.

It was obviously. It might have been some form of that. It was definitely a result of the week we had prior to that. Long COVID, I think, is partially depression also. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had COVID and now I'm just. Just elongating it. Just making, extending it.

It was tough. I've slept. Quarantining yourself. I slept a good like five, six, you know, five hour naps in there in the past week. Yeah, I feel that. But we're back. But I think we're all back here. I feel back.

Yeah, except for. I feel pretty good. Except for last night. I don't know what the fuck happened. Oh, there's been an ebb and flow to it. Yeah, I was completely fine yesterday. And then I like, I think I ate something because I just was like sweating all night. And then I woke up.

You think you ate something. Well, I think I ate something. I just was like sweating all night and then I woke up something I think I ate something sure that gave me like an allergic reaction because I woke up in my fucking like felt like my tongue was like ten times bigger than should be mmm and face literally looked like I got stung like by a hundred bees in the face it was like really and like puffed out you take a picture I didn't I was horrified come on you don't care about anyone I took some I took some fucking I would have taken a ibuprofen and started WebMDing. Turns out I have cancer.

AIDS and cancer. Turns out I have cancer. Cancer AIDS. That's big. WebMD is fucking useless, dude. Everything is so broad. Anything can lead to the worst possible thing. That's how I got to long COVID, dude.

Yeah. No, that was real. But like we weren't sick. It was just like teen thing cuz I was just type in what's make you tired what's make you what's make you tired dude you take my I'm up brother what's a sleeping or I absorbed the morgue yeah absorb the more all right through with him my girl loves that all right gay okay wait this is one thing that happened that I think we

didn't talk about at all did you guys hear about the Jonah Hill thing? I did. What the fuck was it again? We did not discuss it. So, I mean, this is a tough one because there's a lot going on, and I don't care enough to read enough about it, if I'm being honest. I read a good bit of the text messages. You read some of the text messages?

It's pretty wild. I think there's two sides to it, I think. We can research on the show. I'm impartial. I think he's a fucking crazy person. it's there's two sides to it i think we can research on the show i'm impartial i well i think he's i have i haven't pulled up i think he's a fucking crazy person so so this is i think it's the craziest thing for him to express in the most like rational way like he it's the craziest thing to express in the most like clear like i mean he didn't say anything like obscene but like so so this is what

it started there was like a chain of like 20 messages in a row where she didn't reply and it was just like oh yeah he seemed a little he's he's just like he had a little gary in the last vortex going on like white kanye but a little bit better so i'll read the this is what it started with so he said plain and simple if you need surfing with men boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men, to model, to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit, to post sexual pictures, friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past beyond getting a lunch or coffee or something respectful, I am not the right partner for you.

If these things bring you to a place of happiness, i support it and there will be no hard feelings these are my boundaries for a romantic partnership my boundaries with you based on the ways these actions have hurt our trust okay but this is the most narrow like line of the entire thing well that's there's like there's like 50 no i know there's more but that's the start that is like very that's the start that's understandable right so that's what no there's like 10 different threads throughout like months no i know i know but this is the start so but this is the thing the things that he's upset about are kind of ridiculous but he expresses it in such a rational he's well communication way that it's like how do you have the skill to communicate this so well and then still have the ability to be upset about a bathing suit picture that's just a crazy person

who goes to therapy and knows how to express themselves. Right? But has crazy feelings. But that was so mind-blowing to me. Like, I read that, and I was like, oh, he's expressing it so well. But all of these things he just listed are, like, so childish. Yeah. I mean, he's communicating it like he probably learned to do in therapy,

how to express his feelings. No, I'm serious. There's a whole documentary about him and his therapist. He did have that. Yeah. Which was actually kind of cool. And the only other thing i'll give him on maybe being like all that stuff is like come on dude you can you can post pictures in a bikini

but the thing where he says like the boundaries and these actions have hurt our past maybe she did something a little sus you don't know but all i know is like one of the pictures or like videos he was referring to was literally just her surfing yeah so that was on that's on and he's like like her response is like what's wrong with this and he's like you don't need your fucking like ass out on instagram she's like i'm literally surfing like it's just a video of me surfing well and so there's another one too that shows him sending that specific video to her with like heart eyes when they're like before they're dating of him like oh you look cute they're literally the same video no he literally goes like we should hang or something like heart eyes and then like she's like haha what's up and he's like i really want to see you

or something and then there's later of him being the same video take this shit down it's inappropriate and it breaks my boundaries bro yeah which she have a fat ass no not really not really i mean it's jonah hill let's be real not the most attractive guy it's jonah hill i know but he looked better fat than he does currently. He looks like not like his weight. The bleached hair doesn't look good. The bleached hair and the long bleached hair, he looks terrible. And the beard, he looks awful. Yeah.

He looks like a fast food worker. Yeah, he does. He looks like a BK Lounge employee. I mean, both, but. If he wasn't a famous actor, you would say he looks like a fast food worker. That's true. But when he's fat, he's like the chill fast food worker that gives you extra food. He had like a sweet spot where he just looked like a normal guy for a while.

Like he gives you a little bit extra fries. But now it's just like, oh, did he touch my food kind of thing? He looks like a homeless person, actually. I don't even know if he can get a job at a fast food place. He looks homeless. Is that chest tattoo real? On him? Yeah.

I don't know. Oh, he has like a fucking Asian city. Really? I wouldn't be surprised if it's real. He has like an entire Asian land. Yeah, he's got like a city like asian city really i wouldn't be surprised if it's if it's real he has like an entire asian land yeah he's got like he's got like the city of tokyo escape yeah really but yeah and then she was like i don't know she like said something about it just like i'm sorry i didn't like magically know that all of a sudden i was supposed to take all this shit down and now you're mad about it like how did it get leaked so she blasted his ass so basically blasted his ass dude which i think is

a little bit fucked so it was a little bit fucked but so basically she they broke up a while ago he's already dating someone else i think and she was just tired of people coming up and being like how could you break up with jonah hill like he's the greatest and she's like nah he's pretty crazy they're like no he's not he's the best and she's like all right fuck this and then she just dropped some nukes yeah and there was like a bunch of texts between her her her and her friends talking about it like where she's like I just feel so much fucking better like all this attention kind of sucks but like I feel so much better that I'm being validated for like I wasn't because like if you kept getting people being like Jonah Hill's the best

and you're like no dude he's he sent me some crazy shit and like just everyone in the world is like that you start to lose it a little bit that is some like more people on your side though low-key but once you do that to somebody though then it's tough to date you though what if you blast somebody's text online well they're not oh anyone else dude well maybe don't be a fucking psychopath well yeah i mean i also don't text about problems really yeah exactly i would never i would never worry about any of this kind of stuff being leaked so yeah half of them were like instagram like dms let's say if that if you're dating the person why don't you just talk to them yeah arguing over text-based formats fucking

retarded you're gonna lose yeah this one's pretty bad, too. There's some bad shit. I was kind of on his side for a second, and then I read more into it. You're right, I didn't read enough. Now, like, sometimes he comes across, like, rational, but it's also, like, yeah, like you said, it's, like, irrational shit. Like, it's, like... Well, this one, he's, like, making fun of her decision to be a model. He's, like, be a model if you want, go ahead, so fulfilling, ha ha.

So he's a savage? Yeah. Oh my god. That's just pretty mean. Like, your first role was super bad, bro. That's a goat movie, dude. No, of course, but like... I mean, he's not wrong.

Any different from, like, modeling? Like, you were just like... Oh, wait, come on, come on. Just erase that. We'll act like you didn't say that. No, I'm just saying, like, what was... Like, it's... I don't know.

Super bad's like a goat movie. Modeling... No, no i know i'm just saying being the fat guy in a comedy isn't like the most fulfilling thing either i think i would put acting above modeling yeah i mean you can fulfill it whatever you want within yourself with whatever you want but if you just like actually things that you can accomplish like portraying i mean fuck like modeling is pretty smooth brain i mean zoolander and i I mean, that's a comedy movie. It's a comedy, but it's funny because it's true. I mean, yeah. It doesn't have to be about fulfillment. They're just getting their money.

I know, but they're usually smooth brain. But also, you don't have to say it like that. Yeah, yeah. But it's not wrong. They're not all smooth brain, though. Also, she kind of looks... She's not that good-looking. No, she's dating Jonah Hill.

Okay, that's fair. But I feel like he could... Why couldn't he just, like, pull some Leo shit? He's Jonah Hill. Because Leo is Leo. He could get a 10 if he wanted. But I'm like, he could get a 10. Like, if they're already going to be...

Like, if he's going to be upset and they're going to have crazy arguments all the time, why not just get a hot one? Life goals. Maybe because he's a psycho yeah he's probably pretty i mean reading the way like the way that he was able to almost make me rationalize him getting mad about a bikini picture was like incredible i just feel like he's pretty weird in general if you just watch him in like recent interviews and stuff he like kind of fell off in terms of his mental stability i feel like he's part of dude fat shaming dude you can't do that anymore he got weird that's why we need it yeah we got to bring it back does it get any juicier than that or no uh it goes on forever yeah it's but it's just like

a certain point it's text messages between two people i don't give a fuck about okay fair enough yeah it's just like okay we get premise. He's a fucking kook. Yeah. But he's such a well-spoken kook. You rarely see it like that. It was just so weird to see it like that. It's usually so outrageous and aggressive that you're like, fuck this person.

Yeah, I wanted to read it and be like, wait, this guy's a fucking idiot. But I was like, oh, he's just telling him how he feels. He feels crazy, but he's just telling him how he feels he feels crazy but he's just telling how he feels sounds really nice way yeah okay that's of luck to him yeah go Jonah Hill go ahead and hashtag Jonah Hill or Sarah Brady in the comments where everything bang-bang-bang Sarah Brady do we want to do our insults draft? You want to do drafts?

Yeah. I got some more current shit we could discuss if we want. Yeah, go for it, go for it. Yeah, I feel like we got to keep the gamey stuff for the end. We've gone over that. Yeah, no, if we were flowing. So I don't know if this is true. Very good start. It doesn't seem like it could be.

Ooh, I love this. Go. Good. But like the fucking Barstool movie page yesterday posted like a series of tweets about people who saw Oppenheimer and were like complaining. Apparently there's like a 15 minute long like full penetration sex scene in the middle of the movie. Yes, dude.

The Gluckenheimer? It's like among many problems with this disappointing film is the 15 minute long full penetration sex sequence between Murphy and Pugh, beyond unnecessary. What do you mean unnecessary? I mean, 15 minutes sounds aggressive. Dude, that's more than any porn I've ever watched. You've never heard of that before? And then, like, another one is...

Oppenheimer is singularly ruined by Nolan's artistic choice to shoot the entire missionary position sex sequence from an angle behind the titular character 15 minutes staring okay that makes me seem fake of the renowned physicists rectum and the back of his balls is sure to write they're just behind his ass and then This last one is why it makes me think it's a joke no, but this is like four separate There's a lot of articles. I'm looking at there's four separate people like this is just four separate people tweeting about it There's articles on it, too. This one says Oppenheimer includes prolonged full nudity, whatever that means boppin Heimer So then this one's like Oppenheimer makes some strange calls namely the choice to not show even a whiff of back shots Seeing the creator of the atomic bomb slam it from the back would have taken this to another level unfortunately

Hollywood's disconnect with the common man leaves us with nothing but ball angle missionary so this i think it's in there and it's a three-hour film so there's definitely room for 15 minutes yeah 15 minute banger but i'm just like whoa uh maybe whoa do we think it's 15 minutes in a row or 15 minutes worth no it's like it's a time lapse between like there's a battle going on or something yeah like i said the highlight 15 minutes of it if the nuke goes off right when he comes after like if it cuts that would be just an absolute film masterpiece that's just top of the line stuff you know there's a reason they call him chris no this one says yeah the highlight is a 15 to 20 minute all right it says highlight here so yeah so this guy liked it i will say this though if

you're reading this and you're worried about being true whether or not we know it is or not Don't go with your parents No go If you're listening to this you should not be going to moves with your parents Also fair, but yeah, what's more uncomfortable than that a sex scene with the parents even at this age. It's still uncomfortable Yeah, I couldn't do it. Yeah, can't do it. It's worse now. No, I could do it. I could do it with your mom. Your parents. Yeah.

There you go. You son of a bitch. Too easy. But I hope it's true. You know? I do. I was going to go opening night regardless. Now I'm, I mean.

I will say. Now I think I want to get a little couple rows closer. Yeah. Yeah. If it's fucking 15, if it's 15 minutes straight, no cuts. That is fucking legendary, brother. I'll say this too. If it is in there and in like the first two hours go by and it hasn't been in there

yeah I'm gonna get antsy yeah I'm you imagine like you're two and a half hours in you're like dude it's gonna be the last full 15 minutes that's on edge of your seat for sure they drop the bomb and then he's just fucking housing wasn't that sick I did it like that about to blow your shit up to be good that would be good stuff so the hype could not be any bigger for this film there was a there's so much I

typed in Oppenheimer sex scene and there's 50 articles really so it's real probably I was hesitant because it was a barstool thing but the fact that wasn't them tweeting about it was like a screenshot of a bunch of other tweets. Mm-hmm I'm all in that hopper's romp scenes leave fans worried director Dolan doesn't know what sex is Oh no, I can't wait for that. I'm ecstatic. Oh

What does that mean? I can't even imagine what that well they're saying It's like a pretty like for how long it is it just seems like a pretty vanilla scene you know you think it's vanilla I think that it's just on the back of my fingers more like a 40 year old virgin when he's like describing what sex is kind of thing ooh like I just nod and yeah he's like boobs like a bag of sand he's a reptile dude he doesn't get it is he reptile I think he's reptilian. Nolan? Yeah, they all are. No. Don't, don't put that evil on Chris. He could be.

I'm not ruling it out. Yeah, yeah. Don't rule it out. No. Never rule it out. With Mort. So that'll be fun. 15 minutes of fun. Yeah, at least 15 minutes of the movie will be good. We know that. I'm kind of upset that it's not the opposite news though, if it was about Barbie. See, that would have been fucking all time now if you want to get me in a theater yeah

you want to put my ass in a 15 minute you could say it's the weirdest sex scene of all time but it's margot robbie but it's margot robbie yeah oh it's so weird what's his fucking name throw him in there too ryan reynolds yeah right or uh why do i everyone gets it mixed up white dude ryan gosling ryan gosling they can't both be named ryan yeah change your name i did see the opening Why do I... Everyone gets it mixed up. White dude. Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling. They can't both be named Ryan. Yeah, that's fucked up. Change your name. I did see the opening scene for Barbie, and it actually looks kind of fire.

No, but I saw the singing part. That looked horrible. But they recreated the opening scene from 2001, Space Odyssey. It's an iconic scene. Okay. What is that? You'd know it if you saw it. It's an iconic scene.

Sure, but no. That's not going to make the movie good. It looked kind of lit. But no sex scene. Yeah's an iconic scene. Sure, but no. That's not going to make the movie good. It looked kind of lit. But no sex scene. Yeah, no sex scene. We don't know that. What's it rated? It's not rated R, so no sex scene.

Even if there is, it's not a good one. Nice try, Nolan. Let's see. What else we got here? Folksies. This is just a quick thought that I had. What do you think your midlife crisis will be

if you have one? Like, what are you going to get into? Oh, like, what am I going to, like, cope with it? You think you're going to be, like, a car guy? Like, get a red Corvette?

Maybe motorcycle? Lawn care? Not lawns. Divorce is shit. What do you think? Come on. What do I think I'll be into? into like maybe it's just

like a it's like a little glimmer of a passion in your head right now but then like i'm gonna get heavy something your wife cheats on you and then your kids hate you and you're like oh shit i'm gonna start collecting guns there's like that's like super there's like outdoors cooking tiktoks where i'm making shit off of like a rock. Ooh, you're going to become like an outdoorsman. No, but like. But just for the. But like with like, have you seen that?

Yeah. It's like super high end cooking. He has like that big blade knife. He's using like, yeah, but he's using like a legitimate stone he found in the fucking forest and heating it up with fire. Yeah, I could get into that. I could get into that. It's got multiple facets to it. Baking has a more wholesome-y vibe to it that I kind of like.

Baking? I could see you looking really good with an apron on. Like a croissant. Naked with an apron on. With just an apron? Yeah, just like a little wooden pound case. Fuck a midlife crisis. You should start now.

You should wear an apron next episode. I've been leaving bananas out hoping that Hunter's girlfriend learns how to make banana bread but she won't do it. She won't do it? It's just a hell of a little, it's like a banana bread crumb. These ones are pretty dark. I wonder what we should do with them be a shame if we use them repurpose them we have vanilla up there we do oh that's weird and flour you should just put it all all the ingredients just out right next to each other just leave

them on our night and that would work for sure and a recipe yeah and a recipe for maybe send her like a cute tiktok of cute TikTok of someone and their boyfriend baking. Yeah, it's got to be... Wouldn't this be cute if you did this at her house? You should just start sending her those TikToks every day. Well, I've been doing the thing where I say it into her phone, banana bread, banana bread. Oh, so it just comes up?

That would be legendary. That's genius. But midlife fucker crisis, dude. You know what I could actually see myself doing? Is getting back into Yu-Gi-Oh or Pokemon cards. That's that's scary It's a midlife crisis. Yeah, it's supposed to be scary It's like that's like one of the sadder scarier ones I've heard I did wish I was better when I don't think anyone's ever had that one before

No, they have come on. They have you think you don't think anyone's gotten to fucking try to get Exodia You don't think anyone's gotten to fucking try to get Exodia? Collect Exodia again? I don't think anyone was like been in their midlife that when that was around. That's what I'm saying. You'd be the first of the town. Okay, so okay, that's a point. It's a generational thing. So like up until this point, it's been like maybe baseball cards or something.

Yeah. I feel like I could hunt. Or what's it, Cabbage Patch Kids or whatever those old things are? Beanie Babies, sure. I feel like hunting maybe. It's not a crisis thing. That's just a hobby. That sounds fun.

Or like living in the wilderness or something. Okay, now we're talking. Yeah. Nomad. This guy I sat next to on an airplane was probably, I don't know, late 40s, early 50s, and he just started talking to me and then just brings up like, oh, you like Star Wars? And then shows me the most elaborate Star Wars action figure and Lego collection. me the most elaborate like Star Wars action figure and like Lego collection like his entire he has an entire his entire garage he converted into like

what looks like a Toys R Us like Star Wars section and he just collects all these no little things add that to my list of stuff if I do that hit me with a car yeah we've got that we've got that one I feel like the you collecting that stuff yeah but I used to do that at least I could get behind it if I collect the Star Wars stuff or if I ever get into bicycling. Oh, bicycle on the list. Hit my ass with a fucking car. If you ever see me in one of those fucking tight-fitting things.

Yeah. And if you post about it. If you see me bicycling, I'm trying to commit suicide. Yeah, exactly. Like, yeah, I want you to. I'm trying to get hit by a car. Quit trying to do it. Do it. I'm trying to get hit by a car.

I'm in the middle of the fucking road. And I don't want anyone to know that it's because of my internal darkness. So instead of jumping, I was biking. Yeah, bicycling is pretty whack. I made a bad joke the other day. This girl got hit by a car on her bike, and then I fake jabbed at her right after. No. With a car?

Yeah. No. No, I didn't actually turn. Like, they were talking about it. She got hit by a car. Yes. They crossed the road. Uh-huh.

And then they were, like, talking about it, and they saw me, and I was like. No. She got hit by a car. Yes. They crossed the road. And then they're like talking about it and they saw me and I was like, but like, this is a random person that was talking about having been hit by a car and your window was down and you just thought this. Oh yeah. And it wasn't, it was funny to me after. Oh, I'm sure. I was just like, Oh, I kind of like it. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn't notice that she was crying from how far away back I was, but then as I did it, did you see her get hit? Yeah. It was hilarious. Oh my God. Oh no. She just got hit. She just got hit by a car i thought you said she was just telling

us that's no she just got wrecked but she didn't get wrecked it was oh yeah like yeah yeah if she's talking it seems like she was okay yeah like she was crying but i couldn't tell from how far away i was but yeah yeah i was just like that's a sick fucking fucking joke. I thought it was funny. Honestly, it's funny. It needed like a day. Yeah, it needed like a day. Or a minute. If she at any point was like, yesterday this happened, you were like, ah. Yeah, and like you knew that.

Or maybe like a honk, like you laid a honk on. And they didn't just think you were terrorizing them. But honestly, I had a lot of fun. Yeah, because from her eyes, she's like, at this point, she's like, holy I need to get out of this city. Yeah, people are just trying to hit me with their car Yeah, as you're sure that I was not you're being funny, and you're just like That's what she thought she's there, but it felt good though, so I'm gonna I'll let you have that one. Thank you. Yeah, that's one of your better ones of the week Highlight of the week for sure if you haven't heard already

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To make up the sign language or real sign language? No, it's real. But they're like, you could do them. Okay. So I have to know sign language? Yes. Okay. Well, I don't.

So here we go. Okay. So it goes 200, 400, 600. And there's two categories. So six questions total. Yeah. Okay. There's profanity or animals.

Are the two categories. I'll take profanity for four. Profanity for four. Facial. Yeah. He's got it. That's good. Okay. Okay. 400 to G. You got it. Oh. That's good, that's good. Okay, okay, 400 to G.

You're up. No, I won. Oh, you go again? Also, he has to say what is. Okay. What is and then you're beat off onto my own face? What is, oh. Let's round up for six.

Profanity for six profanity yeah six rim job ooh Jake Amir yeah yeah Jay oh no he did it I was there you buzz in I said what is he beat you to the hole sorry fuck who is let's go animal to animal to yeah one second let me get the points here. Yeah, keep good track. Animal for 200? Yeah. Monkey.

Jay. That's a monkey. I know him. You're a monkey. You just had to look at him. I just did myself. Let's go back to profanity for 2. You ready? Blowjob. Ah, that's good. Nope. Oh. What is? These are real? Yeah, these are all real. Oh wow, no. I spent a lot of time doing this. Okay, you know what he really did? He spent a lot of time thinking of how to make us do this shit so he can use it later.

I swear to god, I spent like two hours looking at this stuff. Who's winning? Huh? And is there a Final Jeopardy? Fucking yeah, dude. What's up, dude? Dude, saving lives. Midlife crisis. Let him get- That's probably the lady who got hit by a car again. Alright.

It's... 200... G600... Uh, J's up by 200. Let's go! What do we have left? We have animals for four and animals for six. Animals for four.

You guys ready? Yep. Snake. That's pretty snakey. No. Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss You guys ready? Yep. Snake. That's pretty snakey. No. Yes! How can it exactly be that? It's this. It's this? Yeah. Oh, let's go, dude.

Dude, I'm an asshole. I am ASL. Last one, dude. You're an asshole. I'm an asshole. Last one. Alright, you ready? What is it? Animal 6? Yeah. Giraffe. That's probably it. is that not it like oh we're supposed to guess giraffe yeah yeah yeah okay um like it's closer closer like the neck is involved oh the neck in that the neck in that yeah

no this is gonna make for good audio. Just choke myself? No. Yes. What did he do different? What did he do different? Is that it? None of those are real, dude. Oh, they're not? No.

Oh, you just made them all up? Yeah. Then why'd you let him win every fucking round? The monkey was real. Why did he win every single one? No, Blowjob was real, too. And facial. None of those are real. No, they were...

Blowjob was real. you were just really good at it so I had to get okay that was fun I like that's gonna make for incredible audio not watching you need to watch you have to go watch that one that's good stuff oh that was fun all those guys and Garrett's DMS if you want to see what you've been waiting for oh god okay do you want to do what you've been waiting for. Oh god. Okay Do we want to do our drafts? Yeah, I'm done for drafts. Okay Insults, draft. So we're gonna pick three each and we'll try to debate the winner if we can.

What do you mean? It's gonna be pretty easy to pick a winner. Okay. You wanna go? You want me to go first? All right. For the first insult, I'm taking anything looking ass. Okay. That's pretty fucking good. Like praying mantis looking ass, motherfucker. Yeah.

Looking ass does hit different. Looking ass. That's really good. Yeah. Especially if you nail the description. Yeah. If you hit more praying mantis looking ass. Yeah.

That's good. That's good. Bubblegum chewing looking ass. So this is like round one. You can say anything and it hits. I love when people do the fucking like Yeah, just a full 10 in a row.

I'm taking big guy. Ooh, that's good. I like big guy. In context? It's almost on the same as like a pal. Like okay like big guy. Okay in context. It's almost on the same as like a pal like okay big guy Yeah, all right. Okay, pal. Yeah, big man. Oh, we got a big guy here Okay big guy okay for my number one I got any list of compliments followed by and you still get no bitches So we can we get it doesn't have to be one? I thought it was just like a... No, you can describe it.

Yeah. Okay. So, like, how could you be so funny, good-looking, and so charming and still get no fucking bitches? That's a good setup. Yeah. That's a good setup one. I went with another classic here for my second round pick. And I feel like it's really going to round out after looking ass.

Dog water. Dog water. Dog water is up there. I mean, it's just... That's like a pretty niche one. Yeah. It's niche up there I mean that's a pretty niche one yeah it's niche but I mean it's still like when someone just drops a dude you're fucking dog water yeah I mean it hits like maybe it had its time in the Sun but it's still it still plays for me I feel like some people listening might not even get that that reference for sure I mean imagine being described

as dog water is kind of like a compliment it's kind of like a gaming gaming thing I feel like it started out reference as dog water and then tell me it's a compliment. It's kind of like a gaming gaming thing I feel like it started out reference your dog water brother. It was the fortnight clips when they first yeah Yeah, is it is like the actual term like hot dog water? What is the actual essence I don't know I don't want or it could be like you drink from a dog Got that dog in you though. that's good yeah good dog bad dog dog water yeah fair this isn't like a physical description but just replying okay bet to anything that someone says that's just retired like for sure bet oh for sure bet does hit kind of

diminishing just like you're yeah shut up when someone's like i think i drank like 30 beers last night oh bad yeah for sure that's a good one. This one's kind of just like a fun one. Making fun of anything you both have in common at the moment. That's more of a morgue thing. You guys never did that? No. Damn. I knew you were going to fumble this. I knew it. Damn it.

I'm going to round mine out. We've been doing like complimenting nice ones. This one is, it's kind of got a few variations of it. You can run it a few different ways. Just like complimenting nice ones. This one is, uh, it's kind of got a few variations of it. You can run it a few different ways. Um, just like the, everybody loves you.

Oh, you're absolutely, you're revered amongst your peers. That one hurts. You're absolutely adored. Yeah. Like that was just, everyone adores you.

You're the best. Oh wow. You're revered dude. Your peers love you. All right. This could have gone a little higher on the list, but just anything you say in front of their girlfriend or a girl they're talking to.

Anytime you roast the person and you're hanging out with them. Oh, so just in front of their girl friends. Like if you bury them in front of them. In front of them, yeah, that rips. I like that. It's like the meanest thing you can do. Yeah. Especially when it's something small.

Like you could have let it go. You're like, you didn't have to. You knew. I know you knew, but you could have. Yeah, yeah. My last one is making fun of a dead family member on accident or a purpose. Woo! Woo!

That was good recently. That was good. You hit on that one. That happened recently? Yeah, we were playing Quiplash, and Morg put himself down as John's dad. Oh, fuck. That's my dad. Wait, he did this the last time we played quiplash too. Yeah, okay this arm for the different person that was Yeah, you know an accident yeah, it was a non-vaccine and funny no it's not an accident But he was just cracking up and I was just like oh, yeah

I've done that a second time huh Dana oh no come on we already fucked that one up yeah he's done that one I'm always hammered when I do it yeah we oh yeah this was at like 5 a.m yeah did you guys see that roast of Pete Davidson though when somebody makes a 9-11 joke and his dad died during now that's oh yeah that's funny that was good no that they've done that in like every roast he's been yeah That's good stuff. He makes them too. So it can't be funny on purpose. Yeah. Well, yeah, if you set up as a joke Yeah, yeah, but just saying you are someone's dead family member. Yeah, that's not that's not good So I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you're out I'm out. Yeah on far as far as the topics we got our three in

Yours is ass you're gonna go out on a limb here and just count somebody up. And I'm closest to the tree as far as going out on a limb. Like, I'm not out on a limb. You don't think my one and three were strong? I would say that none of them were strong. Really? Yeah. No one can sense.

There was no consensus like there was with ours, you know? I feel like you won. Like we collectively. Well, obviously. He's just setting himself up for an easy victory. He's like, oh, if feel like you won. Like we collectively, well, obviously. He's just setting himself up for an easy victory. He's like, oh, if I rule you out,

then it's just... Yeah, I was gonna beat you down and then I knew you would join on my side. I just tried big guy. I feel like I just presented mine less strong,

but I feel like when John said them, they were good. When I said yours, they did smack a little bit. Two of yours were fire, just the one missed which one missed was that both of our middle ones missed and your first and third i don't know the middle one was all right but the one before it was bad and the one after it was

terrible shut the fuck up no more okay morg's second actually missed yeah and his third no my my third was good make up another dead family member family member? I think big guy is objectively solid. That's not great, though. That's solid. Especially if they're not a big guy. You could build a team around that. Okay. We can huddle around that.

Yeah. I don't remember. That's a leader. What was my second one? That's a leader in the locker room, big guy. What the fuck was my second one? Making fun of stuff in front of a girlfriend. But it wasn't like an actual thing.

No, that was my last one. That was your last? Oh, then that one was bad, too. What? See, the first one is not great, either. Oh, then that one was bad too. What? See, the first one is not great either. You're just going to hand it to this guy? No, I think he, in general, he won that one. I mean, look and ask.

Oh, the bet. Oh, bet. Yeah, bet. Yeah, you won, Jon. Yeah, it's a strong team. It's a strong team. Sorry. It's a better team.

He also had the number one seed, so it's kind of funny. Yeah, I had the number one pick. I mean, I drafted well. We should have snaked it. None of those were in my list, so it wouldn a strong team. It's a strong team. Sorry. It's a better team. He also had the number one seed So it's kind of fun. Yeah, I had no one pick I mean I took the I to I drafted well, none of those were in my list so what about we should have snaked We should have snaked it. Oh, yeah, I don't think you guys would have taken any of these but Mmm, cuz I cuz they were all shit or what you kind of had fresh legs I mean, dude, you gotta make some trades in this league. You gotta move up you do There's a reason I tanked last season to get first pick Fair enough rebuild startsbuild starts now. Alright, ready for the next one? Yeah.

Alright, substitute butt plug draft. Do you guys want to let me go first again? We're doing snake draft? Um, and if you didn't and couldn't already figure out this was Morgan's idea. You want to go first, Morg? No, I don't. Why not? Do you want to like explain it? I have good ones. Why don't you guys like this? No, I'm just saying. No, I don't. Why not? Do you want to explain it? I have good ones.

Why don't you guys like this? No, I like it. Things that are good substitutes for a butt plug. Yeah, I have good ones. And we're building a team around it. Fight to the death. Let's go. I have a few because I think some of these might be... You want me to go first? We're going to do snake though.

So you get two, then come back, I get two, and then one more. The first one I'm going to take take and I think this is obvious I Don't know if it got past here. I don't know if it made it past to My boys chubby yeah That my homies cock is yeah, yeah, yeah, we all saw that coming yeah, no did everyone have written down I have that time's why I had for written down I specifically omitted it because I knew that was okay. I just had your cock. Yeah, just straight I mean yeah, yeah, however you want to phrase it. I just put you know I thought my boys chubby sound a little more fun Yeah, it does sound good. Yeah

Garrett I'm up you were one one. I've got a portable speaker that way you're always prepped You know throw in a little slow James the what is it the beat? Oh fuck? What did I do? I've got like a Bose one right there.'re always prepped, you know, throw in a little slow jams. The uh, what is it? The Beats? Oh fuck dude, I do- What is that called? Well I've got like a Bose one right there that's like a perfect little- What is the little tube one called? There's a jam box, there's a bunch of different ones. Yeah, okay, jam box I like.

The JBL like little tubular ones. The JBL. The fact that you threw in that the music's playing makes it really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and not only the vibrations from the bass in your anus, but you have music playing. Yeah. That's good. Dual purpose.

You can feel the music. Yeah. Yeah. It's not really about hearing it. And so can he or she. Or they. It's an extra element. That's good. That's good. And Mark, you get two here. I do get two here.

A soft serve ice cream cone. Ooh. Okay. Damn, we didn't like that one. I think you could have waited. You could have waited on that. You could have got that later in the draft. You could have waited until round three.

Later in the draft for that? I mean, that's your one one. Okay. That's your starter. That's your number one guy Yeah, that's not a great one. Is it I mean it uh I'm not gonna judge. Can you can you give me some cone description a soft serve ice cream cone? Yeah, but what kind of cut are we talking waffle or are we talking the you don't put soft serve in a waffle? I'm talking the one that has a stopper at the end. Well. No I know but you can get you can get something like a Classic like what I'm just trying to I'm trying to imagine getting it on it's called a cake cone right yeah

I think yes, I think it would crumble under the pressure. I yeah, I don't think I don't think it would be It would I mean if I could access it at all times now now okay when you're talking about the actual function of a plug You know it plugging it up. Mm-hmm. Do you think? The ice cream is doing a job that I didn't say there's ice cream in it oh you just said the cone yeah okay now I'm getting on board oh just a cone yeah I can't because I'm just the cone because then you can serve up some stuff okay now explain yourself a little better explain yourself I'm sick head dude okay you what what are you going with your second pick?

My second pick is going to be the classic funnel. Because there's a lot of things you can do with the through service. So it seems like you're wanting to... These are functional. Yeah. These are functional. Mine are functional. You want something to come out of it.

These aren't really about them being in. It's about after. It's about what you want to do with them. Yeah. You're up here. I've got a travel-sized sriracha bottle. What side goes in first? Doesn't matter.

That's true. I'm thinking bottom first so I can squeeze out some. Is it full? Have the nozzle kind of hanging out. Not completely full. The nozzle's hanging out so I can just spray whenever I want okay That's a drag you could just like dog drag across some tacos and drop some sauce behind and it could it could No pun intended spice up things in the bedroom a little bit. God damn it. That's good. That's good. That's good

I do like that a lot Okay, that's tough you guys made it tough on me here Now this one Okay, that's tough. You guys made it tough on me here. Now this one, okay, it might be redundant to say this, but based on its function, but I think it would be fun. Whoopee cushion. I don't know if that's fitting. Deflated, and then it inflates in, and then you can kind of just... You can kind of...

Wait, how does it inflate? You have to inflate kind of just... You can kind of... On serve. You can inflate it. Wait, how does it inflate? Because the butt... You have to inflate it with a fart. The air end is just stuck out. You have to inflate it with a real fart? Yeah. How is it filling up, though? There's room in there.

Okay. You get a little bit. So someone's blowing into your ass. In this hypothetical scenario, yes. Not that it's been practiced regularly. Okay, when you think about it like that, it does make it a little bit better. You know, it's an off-color pick. We took a shot.

Yeah. Now, my last one, I'm kind of stuck between two here. Oh, you get to go again. Yeah. And I really want to round out the team because my boy's chubby, strong, hard leader. We'll be cushioned. Might be slowing us down.

Can we do an honorable mentions after this one? Yeah, have a couple. That works. Okay, this one is, remember that old robot dog that dances, what used to be a toy in the 2000s? Goddard? No, no, no, no, no. It was a toy. It might be the name.

It was a toy. It had like little lights on his face and he would dance. Yeah, yeah. Almost everything got him. Like from Brookstone? I think I do. That. Delivery good.

That thing. Last pick. This is more practical than anything. I feel like yours have all had some practicalness to it. You've got a team theme. They're multifaceted. Yeah, you've got a team theme. I'm going with Chapstick.

Oh. Because, you know, nothing's worse than chap lips when you're you know yeah functions there because if you're thinking about if you're like it's a gadget player really if you're a smaller guy and a girl and all you can think about is how chapped your lips are you're like she can't be enjoying this right now or how chapped your ass is yeah exactly yeah mainly also that yep that's good that's a good one. Yeah Yeah, it's a gadget fun player. Yeah, he's quick. Yep Slippery slippery yeah, right last pick for you on your draft of drafts for my last pick of the draft. I'm going marshmallows Because you're gonna have to really explain this one you get to choose how many you get to put in

And on the way out. Fun size or extra stuffed? Oh, that's true. Big ones or little? Okay. It's like Chubby Bunny, but. Chubby Bunny. Chubby Bunny with your ass. Chubby Bunny.

Chubby Butt. Oh. Chubby Buddy. Complete side tangent here, but did you guys see the thing where people are roasting Rice Krispie treats over the fire? I saw that. How do you prep those, though? That looks dang.

Do you see how they were so perfectly squared off already? Oh, yeah. They weren't like rectangles. I saw that. How do you prep those, though? Do you see how they were so perfectly squared off already? Oh, yeah, they weren't like rectangles. They were squared. Well, because, oh, so they would have to already be made, right? Yeah, because they're just rice crispy treats. Oh, they're already made. You're just roasting it and already made one. You just take a rice crispy treat. Okay, yeah. Looks pretty dang.

I thought too much about it, to be honest. Okay, but yeah, sorry about that. Those look fine. Those look dummy-like. What do you have? Mine mine my boy's chubby uh robot dog and whoopee cushion oh can i do an honorable mention can i do an honorable mention for no this can't this can't influence the draft okay we'll do we'll do that we'll decide on who won and then can we do honorable mention because i have one that i really want to say. Okay. What was yours again? I had a portable speaker, travel size sriracha, chapstick. And then I had the marshmallows, the ice cream cone, and the funnel.

I think Gary's got... Everything had dual purpose. He's got a team that can play offense and defense. Thank you. I came to play this round for sure. Okay. I'm comfortable with that. I'm comfortable with that. Me too. I'm super comfy. Okay. The one that I'm comfortable with that me too I'm super comfy Can I okay the one that I was debating on that I wish I switched out for what because in here if I go back in

Time which you can't so It was gonna be Woody's pull string attached to a snake and a boot. Oh There's a snake in my butt Like that that would hit a little harder. That would have been better. That would have been better. I had a cork, a candle for the lighting. Ooh. And then your thumb.

Thumb was written down for me. Yeah. And then I thought. I had a homie's finger or fist. Slash fist. Slash fist. There was a few homies on mine, honestly. A couple of the boys that were in there.

Those are some good drafts. Those are good drafts. I think the right peopleies on mine, honestly. A couple of the boys are in there. Those are some good drafts. Those are good drafts. I think the right people won them, you know? Definitely. Just seemed like, you know, the people who came with the better. Especially considering the only two people on today's show. The right team's won. There's only two people on today's show.

That's true. We went one for one. Yeah, you're right. Tiff or Tatt, he will. All right, let me see what else I got here. It's good to not let the duplicate beat you. Yeah. Let you know you're still real.

Yes. Or... When those times when you're like, who's the clone? Yeah. And then this moment happens, you're like, ah, I still got it. Yeah, you had a stark moment of realization. Alright, do you guys want to do r slash advice or fan subs? I have one more too.

Oh, do yours, do yours. You want me to do mine? Yeah. Okay, so what are some things that after you do them, you're going to want to beat off or you're going to have to beat off? There's a lot. It's a lot. I have a list of 12.

Okay. I mean, I don't want to say a lot of them. No, you can say them. Playing a girl character in a video game that's good that's good that's really good I got waking up

yeah that's good going on insta for two minutes yeah or tiktok yeah I put tiktok when any like the Megan Thee Stallion song or any of those ones any of the dances and Thee Stallion song or any of those ones is like any of any of the dances, any of that. And it's like, oh, yeah.

OK. Yeah. Along with wake up, I had going to bed. That's before. Yeah. Wait, hold on. Let's let's getting in bed like right before you go to bed. Yeah.

Yeah. Getting in bed. Yeah. Like going to bed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, You take away the link tree. If you see a link tree. That's good stuff.

There's a lot more. Hold on. Oh, I got way more. The girl at Starbucks says my name after I told it to her. Wrong. No, right. Just hearing your name out loud from a woman's mouth. Cappuccino for John.

Or even at Raising Cane's, I got hot chicken. Oh, hot chicken for John. Oh, Raising Cane's, I got hot chicken for dinner. Oh, hot chicken for dinner. Oh, Raising Cane's, yeah. Yeah. Just in general, slopping down those tenders. The mannequin at the mall looks a little busty. Oh, if she's busting out? Like, uh... If you walked past a Victoria's Secret, basically.

At Nordstrom's or something? Yeah, walking past a Victoria's Secret. An H&M. The men's section? An H&M. Yeah. A little bulged out on the shorts rack I'm trying to think of the fucking like heinous shit mm-hmm

Women's tennis is on and any volume above zero The grunt and gets you going yeah the grunts are good They are pretty deep with it some there's some no there's some that are very dainty when you've got like a Sharapova up there It really hits've got like a Sharpova up there, it really hits different than like a Kavlovich. You know them players' names? Yeah. Of course you do.

Someone leaves on women's tennis quite a bit apparently. Yeah, I mean it's a good background sound. You're smothering me, John. Okay, go ahead. I'm trying to think here. Go ahead. Sorry, sorry. I'm trying to get obscure. Sorry, get obscure, dude.

Just say the times when you have to do it. I don't know why you're having to make it difficult, you know? When you catch a whiff of gasoline at the pump. Ooh, that gets me torqued. That is pretty good. I feel like... Damn, I felt so inspired and now it's going away from me. He suffocated you?

Yeah. You suffocated me. Check out a book from the nonfiction section. It's like, thanks for the art of war. WNBA ads. Oh, anything Brittany Griner? Yeah, if I'm watching ESPN. The word slay.

The word slay. WNBA Wednesdays at 8. Have you guys seen that video of the guy who says you can say anything after, you can say anything if you act gay? Oh, yeah. I saw that. That was good. Oh, my gosh. And he starts dropping, like, the N-word and stuff.

He's like, slay, bitch. Yeah. And he's like, slay, you motherfucking bitch. Yeah. Everyone's just like, oh. Good stuff. I feel like I did justice with the girl player in the video game for sure. That was a solid start.

Fortnite, when we used to squad up with exclusively the big booty bitches. Oh, yeah, exactly. The cheeks, when you're cheeked out. You pray you get knocked out early so you can fucking toss one before you get revived. Yeah. I'm cammed up. No, don't bring me back yet. No, no, I'm eating.

My own dick. What else I got here? Oh, walking past the stair climbers at the gym. That works. Yeah, going to the gym probably. If I went, I wouldn't know, but I can imagine it gets hairy. Trust me, yeah. Gets a little sticky at the gym.

Oh, this is another one. Getting the final left on red after the 2 a.m. Hail Mary spree. Oh, like just like, okay, fuck it, I'm beating up. Yeah, exactly. The giving up. Yeah, you look at it once and you're like, nobody replied. All right. Oh, that's a good question.

How many reds do you have to get before you commit to jerking it? Not that many, honestly. It depends on the time. Yeah. If it's past two, if it's past three, because two people are just getting home from the bars and it is if it's past two if it's past three because two people are just getting home from the bars and shit it's past three but you're getting reds and you're getting reds oh I see if I get like two or three I'm yeah if I'm sending them out to people and like and it's been

like 30 maybe I see on their Instagram story that they were out so I'm like there's a chance right yeah yeah but if I'm just shooting shots on a Wednesday. Just shooting in the dark? A Wednesday at the end. Oh, Wednesday. Jesus Christ. You know? Oh, wow.

I don't even have to like. Wednesday is just. I don't even have to wait for him to say send. Wednesday is almost just an immediate fold up the chairs and let's eat. Call it. Call it. Okay, okay. Better question.

If you're only relying on one, how long do you give it unread? Depends on the time also. So you're only relying on one, how long do you give it unread? Depends on the time also. So you're a player. I'd say I'd give it regardless of the time length it's been. I'd give it till four o'clock in the morning. Really? But it depends on how sleepy I am. No, I'm saying we like went the fuck out.

Yeah, no. Well, I'm saying like I'm out. You're going to be up that late regardless. Okay, yeah. I'm not saying you're staying up waiting for it.'m saying you're up when do you just yeah give up yeah like you're gonna be staring at your ceiling anyway yeah but then at that point i'm like if she doesn't reply till four like i could beat off now and i'd be back in action by that time that's fair like it's two i could throw one that's got legs if she texts me at four

but you don't know but you don't know when she's gonna text you that's a dangerous that's true especially if it's been a night where i went out yeah because i might not get it back you'd be lucky to get one so you might not get it back oh yeah one's one's uh rolling that's a toughie i don't know i'm not sure. Oh, it's tricky. Maybe like one. In general. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. That's just a really, it's kind of like its own version of walking a- There's so many facets to it.

It's its own version of walking a tightrope, you know? Yeah. You're going to fall. Regardless, you're falling. You take too many steps, you're going to fall. Yeah. Okay, here's a fun one um um what disgraceful acts do you absolutely love to do in video games and what do you think it

says about you what disgraceful acts like heinous crimes are you just really into like gta so we're like we're talking like what are your guilty pressures on GTA? Okay, so GTA I mean nothing's off limits in that game Yeah pick up a hooker and shoot her in the fucking head Yeah, when I was younger like it was always nice like you pick up the hooker you get everything done and they don't pay Oh Yeah, that one felt that one ripped do you get a fucking a star or what is it called when the when the cops are coming after you get stars?

Yeah, yeah, do you get a star for that not it depends on where you park? Yeah, if you're in a discreet location Yeah, you take it out so in the older ones you if you shot someone you would just get a start no matter what but In the newer ones like a cop has to see you do it Or someone or someone has to run and yeah, you got there Just be a witness or is it like sometimes a little like you'll see them getting on their phone to call the police and you just fucking kill them. Yeah. And then you're good.

We need a new GTA. That game fucks so hard. I think they're coming out with six. No, I know. This one's going to be insane. But it's not going to be for like two more years. This is kind of sick, but I feel like we all have this in common. When you first get the video game and you kill somebody for the first time you

Test the limits of the animation with the Dismembering it. Oh, I just keep shooting the body. Yeah, you see like how hard can we like animation? How dead can you get well? Yeah, and there's a couple call of duties were like you could shoot their fucking heads off Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna try to have a straight line down the fucking kind of fucking pulled back on that a little Like you try to do the straight line down the fucking... They kind of fucking pulled back on that a little bit. You're not into that? I mean, I do like... I mean, I used to...

I do appreciate when like, you know, if you shot someone with like a shotgun, like their chest is like fully blown up, but I don't know if I like... So you do love it. I don't know if I looked at that body and was like, okay, here we go. Let's see. It sounds like you might be a serial killer. Yeah. No, this...

Everyone does this. No, I don't know about that. Well, I don't do it. I don't know. So it takes away everything. I mean, yeah, I'd shoot it at a couple extra shots while they're already dead. Okay. Okay. No, I don't know about that. Well, I don't do it. I don't know. So it takes away everyone. I mean, yeah, I'd shoot it at a couple extra shots while they're already downed. Yeah, okay, okay, let's try to find more common ground. Yeah.

Hitting pedestrians. Oh, yeah. With a car. Oh, that's crazy, no. Yeah, of course. Yeah, okay. You know those motherfuckers, yeah. Okay.

You ever- I remember I used to get in a mood where I'd be like super obeying the traffic laws, and one thing would piss me off, and then I'm just like, fuck it, sidewalk. Just one, and then follow the- Oh, that's always a fucking- a like someone would hate you from behind like while you're like at a red light You're like fuck it sidewalk Grenade their car and hit the sidewalk now We're talking or when you're trying to play the game and you're like you're trying to do it like normal yeah Yeah, I'm gonna act like a normal person you'll be like walking down the street and someone's like watch it punk What are you looking at you're like okay?

Fucking it rockin ass like I was literally going to get a cup of coffee like fuck off You chose the wrong motherfucker. What are you looking at? You're like, well, okay. You don't fucking rock and roll. Like, I was literally going to get a cup of coffee. Like, fuck off. I was being a good boy. Okay, so if it's not GTA. I feel like there's not a lot of freedom. No, so have you seen, like, the VR rooms of people where they do shit? There's this one guy who's funny as shit.

He's, like, this Mexican guy. And he, like, his VR, like, avatar guy is guy is like this little red like animal looking thing and he just says the most outlandish shit i love oh i have seen that yeah yeah that's it that's lit like he gets like the like e-girl chicks in there and he's just be saying certain spanish and i have it all translated at the bottom it's unreal it's see that that's a little deeper than i've ever been on the internet oh see you need to grow but um what did you want us what did you warm us up to what you wanted to say i think you wanted to say that he likes was it a memory thing yeah everyone tries it right you don't do it to animals right no no no okay that's all this is purely video

games yeah right yeah it's purely um well because we had the like you joking yeah there was a little car there was something going on what about like npcs if you like if they say like oh what did you like to trade today what'd you say uh-huh you guys weren't listening well that's not that kind of you're right but okay we can yeah i mean you can dismember so you like what kind of games are you playing that you get to do that like let me think like real-life serial killer 7 There's there's games that you could do that for sure Call duty like you said Okay, what else you got let's see mmm Okay, if you if you want a lifetime supply of something, what would it be and why?

If I get to pick a life, yeah How big can we go here like do you want me to say it has to be something that you need to resupply okay save money yeah I mean that's like that's like that's what I'm saying okay well that out the thing that you could use to get anything nothing sorry I'm gonna make money wishes nothing that's money or you can use it like selling it money so it's got to be just like cool. So something, yeah, like a food or maybe a product of some sort. Yeah.

Twisted teas would be pretty lit. Yeah, alcohol is solid booze. Just to never have to buy it again would be pretty dope. Well, and just like having. But that'd be dangerous to have. But also having that lifetime supply amount of stuff. Like if you just had a fridge full of twisted teas at all times, that'd be pretty cool. That would be cool.

Yeah. That would be. Like people come over and you're like, dude, open Twisted Teas. You'd be the talk of the town Everyone would love you. Yeah, and it's like the sort of deal where like you maybe you open it It kind of gets like restocked from the back. It's like oh, no It's like like when they eat cereal and like a cartoon and it just doesn't actually disappear. Oh, that would be good Yeah, like you grab it and it's just there's another one already there. That's pretty solid Cocaine would be lit.

Yeah. Darn. If you don't sell it. Well, actually, no, that wouldn't be lit because you'd be dead. That'd be dangerous. Yeah, that would be one way you couldn't actually. Because if you couldn't sell it, you'd be dead.

Yeah. Because when do you stop? What do you got? I'm trying to think. You can tell me you didn't pre-think of one. No, I try to be in the moment, dude. That's very unlike you. Yeah, I respect that. That's very unlike you, dude. Well, we said, dude, No, I try to be in the moment, dude. That's very unlike you. I respect that. That's very unlike you, dude. Well, we said, dude, the flow's better when we do this.

You're changing things, dude. Look at this guy. He's making big changes. Um, coffee would be lit, but it's pretty lame-sounding. It's pretty fucking lame. Unless we're talking like a nice, like, $10-star one. He said like a cool one, and then you said like a bad one. A shitty one. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, you usually want to go like good, better, you know?

Ice cream would be good sure yeah raisin canes i could get behind oh fuck that is pretty good maja blast i could do oh um anything taco bell honestly yeah if there was just like there was like a yeah no oven that just always had a warm cheesy gordita crunch crunch in there Yeah, it looks like a microwave, but you just open it There's always you like your perfect meal just waiting in there for you hot junk food would be good Yeah, like if you just always had always had talk. Yeah, see yeah Yeah, that would be the best for sure that would be fire like a whole fucking pizza every time you come out Oh god, yeah, that'd be like you get me riled Let's see we get on this one. I'm good on that one. I think we knocked out a lot of tweets.

There's a lot of fun things you could do, but... I think... Spit. I think... Spit. 70. Lifetime supply of Gwyneth Paltrow's spit. Semen.

Just endless loads to dump. You could never drain your balls. A fucking undrainable ball sack. Undrainable ball. I think I'll just save those for an unendable boner oh that would that would be a lot no but it doesn't like hurt it will come in handy when you need it to yeah i think i could be we're good yeah i got some more but i'll just save them you're just gonna save them yeah we busted we're to save them? Yeah. We busted. You want to tell us if any of them are good?

I think that'll wrap her up. I feel good about it. Yeah, I feel good. Felt good. The drafts felt good. I feel good. The drafts felt good. I'm glad that I won one and John won one.

The right people with the good teams won them. The good answers won. The good guys won today. Because you came up with the game. Yeah, which makes me... That kind of sucks. Yeah, that must kind of sting a little, right? No, not really. All right. He's used to that. Yeah, he's used to that. It doesn't sting. I had a little, right? Nah, not really. He's used to that.

Yeah, he's used to that. It doesn't sting. I had fun, though. He's got a tough shell. You know what that is? That's loser talk. That's fucking... That's classic loser talk.

I had fun, yeah. It was about how you play the game, not the result. Scramble for a callback. Well, that was... I know I gave it my all. We're on a strict schedule of Fridays, ladies and gentlemen. We'll see you next Friday. Even though I think the last one didn't come out until Saturday.

No, I got them both up. It was just fucking the internet, the video was being a little bitch. Oh, God. Yeah. We're Friday guys now. Friday boys, dude. Friday guys. Keep sending submissions to the Instagram DM feel like they sent in a couple good

ones do we not do are we saving those oh yeah didn't someone just someone in like today i saw a couple of good ones on there maybe um what was it it was uh because we want people to send them we gotta like yeah we gotta shout them out we gotta shout them out what the one that i saw that was pretty good is what's the most american sex Position? Oh! That was good. How did I miss that one? You missed that one? Was that- I remember seeing that. Yeah. Did I write that down?

What's the most American- Are we diving back in? Well no, maybe we'll save it for next time. Alright, yeah. Tune in next time to see the boys talk about what the most American sex position is. We'll do like a full half episode of just fan submissions next week so that we can get through them all. Yeah, because there were a few good ones. You're slacking on that, dude. Yeah, sorry, Morgan's slacking if morgan doesn't think it's funny it's out so

we gotta if he thinks he came up with a better job which is good because you guys are still here if he thinks he came up with a funnier topic than you then he's gonna scrap it so we'll we'll be sure to review them ourselves as well um but yeah we'll see you next friday bitches