NO FOMO - 53. Masculine Gags Sound Better

Episode Date: August 11, 2023

🔔 Subscribe & Follow: ⁠https://linktr.ee/nofomopod⁠ 🎽 Merch: ⁠https://www.bonfire.com/store/no-fomo/⁠ Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we talk best water, not being gay, and blind dreams. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back, back to the Monster Chicken FOMO Show. Now it's FOMO. We're ready to rip and rock. Are we red, dude? Am I red? Huh? You are red. Am I red as hell? You're red. Should we get a little acapella to start us off?

Let me up, I don't come just to let me down. No, not that. Not that. Throw me around, I'm the worst of all. I'm feeling like... You're 22? Every rose has its thorn. I'm trying to think of lyrics to Thunderstruck but the only thing I can think of is Thunderstruck. That's not Thunder. What's the... Thunder. There we go.

Thunder. Every time we sing Thunder you pack another Zin. Throw me an Upper Decky. An Upper Lecky. They don't like these. A Lip Pildinsky. You don't like these? I don't like these.

I don't like these. I don't like these. I don't like these. I don't like these. I don't like these. I don't like these. I don't like these. I don't like these.

I don't like these. I don't like these. I don't like these an upper decky an upper like you don't like these a lip pill dinsky you don't like these I'm having to spit it out after 30 seconds. It feels cool. Yeah, how did you oh? That's yeah hot update for the week. Yeah, when did you welcome back to the pod everybody? Hey, starting it off with how the fuck is this going on gentlemen John quit vapes And I early and now he's addicted to Zins. I've kind of got some Zin statistics for us, too, on myself. I'm already past that. You can't say Zin statistics.

Zin statistics. Or statistics. Statistics. I used to be able to only put those in for like five minutes. Now I'm already past threes. I need double every time. It's been a week. Really yeah it's just you you adapt to them quickly you were like the biggest bitch when it comes to zins too i'm i'm kind of a like for how much i smoked i would get the hiccups

in five seconds for how much i smoked the vape i'm surprised how big of a bitch i am when it comes it's not the dome it's like i might have a gum disease or something no no that you burn you get over that it burns like a mother no it's just you're not, it's bitch mouth. Well, when they used to have like the citrus ones and shit, it didn't, it didn't used to tingle like that. The chill is a little more aggressive.

Oh, we need the coffee ones back. That's what we need. See, like those ones I could fuck with. Those ones rip. If they have some flavor, you forget about the sting because this is like all sting.

There's no sting anymore. The sting goes away. Yeah, you're done with the sting. I don't feel it right now. I feel electric. Synthestics? What else is it? Yeah, so. They're fucking sick.

I like them a lot. So I did have to ask some of my colleagues who are more into the zinning. Brian, Gervin. My colleagues? I had to ask the office about their zin technology. Their zin practices.

When is too much? Before the morning coffee, like I've been doing it. is not when is like too much and uh before the morning coffee like i've been doing it means in is too much is too much i'm gonna make shitty zines i'm already on the too much what did they say is too much like dude i was like is it fucked up that i do it like as soon as i wake up and i don't even have like coffee or anything they're like kind of and brian does like two packs a day so what's the most you've done in a day two packs already i mean if i wake up you've done two kits in a day two starter kits yeah you've been on this for like seven days yeah we're on one week yeah holy fuck i mean i'd be remiss to say i don't like roll over the middle of the night and just happen to bump into my vape and smoke it yeah so it's like that except it's in your you're just

soaking your mouth i am kind of worried does it when you start falling asleep with them and that's next level yeah yeah i'm smoking a vape with a Zen. That was actually the other thing they said. I was like, how much is too much and falling asleep with one in is... Yeah, you're a Zen god if you fall asleep with just a whole pouch in there. Who's that one... God damn it, I forget his fucking name. It's one of the politics guys.

King Trait Zen? Oh, I know who you're talking about. Tucker Carlson? Tucker Carlson. He says he's a fucking Zen god. Yeah, he rips it. Speaking of... We've been talking about sponsorships and affiliate partners all fucking zing. Yeah, he read speaking from Sponsorships and affiliate partners all week. Why haven't we had ups in we can do so now we can now this episode of pause brought

To you by Zinn if you want to feel fucking chill and sick is enough smooth bitch You're chill and sick and not as gay as usual. Yeah less gay than you speaking of not being gay Well, we can't we can't just we No, we can't jump right in the game. See, your timing's terrible. Yeah, he just wants to go. We got to talk about stuff for a second. Dude, I don't like stuff. I like talking about stuff.

Yeah, because you don't know how to. Because he doesn't do anything during the week. He's like, well, I was in a dark room for 48 hours. Yeah. Oh, Garrett, I didn't tell you this. I didn't go to my TJ dentist appointment this morning. Oh, I forgot that was this morning. Why'd you opt out?

We were going to go to Tijuana. I was going to go to Tijuana. So it's only $40. He didn We were going to go to Tijuana. I was going to go to Tijuana. He didn't realize he didn't have dental insurance. I was like, go to Tijuana. You don't have dental insurance? You probably don't either. What do you have? Do you have the free fucking shit?

I have something like for rich people. So your mom still pays for it is what you're saying? No, I pay for it. Yeah, what is it? Bro, you have Kaiser Permanente. You don't have rich people shit. Yeah. No shit.

I don't have rich people shit. Even if you're injured, you're not allowed to go to there. I know. They refer you out. This is way too serious for us. We're going to send you to an actual hospital. Out of all the things. Anything above a physical, they're like out of here.

Out of all the things I said, you thought I was serious about the rich people shit? I mean, no, I didn't think you were serious. I don't know why you took that serious. Yeah, he got real defensive about his insurance. Did we do anything this week? I got addicted to a new game. What is it? It's called Baldur's Gate 3.

I saw, you can go ahead. Yeah, it's a Dungeons and Dragons based game. I am currently playing through as a she-male gnome who is a rogue. She-male is a race. I witnessed this. I could not believe it. The character creation is the best of any game I've ever seen. So you can do, obviously, the regular stuff.

You can throw on tattoos, hair, eye color, blah, blah, blah. You get to pick uh the genitalia as well no way so i've got a fat rack and a hanging schlong it's a time wait i forgot about that and you can seduce uh other players in the game and fuck them no way so yeah i'm a i'm a chick i got a rack and a fat hog no bush uncircumcised i helped him pick the penis yeah uncircumcised no bush you had the penis uncircumcised no bush you could pick the cooking bulls there's like five penis options

and three vag options there's at least ten penis options well so he's like I want to be a hot chick character obviously yeah but he's like I don't want to get fucked but I want to fuck so I want to fuck so he's like what do I do lop a cock on it and that's completely engulfed my life heads up play it was huge I helped influence it I'd just like to. Yeah. And that's completely engulfed my life. Heads up play. Yeah. It was huge.

I helped influence it. I'd just like to take a little bit of credit. You should have seen my face when I first saw the genitalia slider. That's big news. I just picked out hair color. I was like, all right. There's almost an aggressive amount of options. Wait.

So is that in like all the fucking MMORPGs now? No. To pick your gender? Can you be like a bunch of different genders? No. Because you can only be male, female. What does MMO stand for? But then you can just throw whatever genitalia you want. But there's more there's more than that. I'm already taking this out. I'm fucking pussy

Are you out? Oh? Just lost our sponsorship clip. I want to like green light. How are we supposed if they watch the episode you can look bad Dude, sorry dude sponsor them. Yeah, and you have hella spit your mouth and stuff just yeah, what do you got it dude? I do cook in a bitch. Are you spitting it too boo this guy stinks? This guy fucking stinks, dog. I can't believe I'm gonna have to cut this. He's throwing- Oh, I can't- I was trying to drink my thing and it just fucked me up.

You drank the- dude, I'll swallow- Look at this. I'm gonna start taping them in between your toes while you sleep. I'll do- I'll wash my mouth out with Baja Blast and swallow it. Okay, here's the scone. I was drinking my... Get closer to the mic before you... I got too much of the White Claw up in the zone so I felt like I just absorbed too much

at once so when I was going to swallow it, I got nervous and I had to spit it out. I just squished with the Baja Blast. Fuck. Well, you're a legend. Sorry, I don't do two cans a day. Grow up. That's a valid response. Yeah, we know Okay, where were we wait? Well hold on. I'm still hung up on that more about the game. I'm still a fun game What's it so it's literally Dungeons & Dragons, but it's computer on the computer

Okay, so you go through you have like but there's a dozen dragons a board game. Yeah, it is So basically the computer is like the dungeon master so you still do all the same stuff. You have to roll dice for shit, and it's turn-based combat. And you'll be walking around, and it'll just show on the screen, it'll say, like, perception check failed. And you're like, oh, shit, something's about to happen. Somebody saw your cock?

Yeah. Can you translate for our straight viewers? For our straight viewers? Yeah. It's touchdowns, home run. straight viewers yeah um there it's uh touchdowns home run uh but yeah that that is literally all i've been doing i dreamed the game oh so you're fully into it reminds me of when i first started playing world of warcraft when i called it every time i called this guy on the phone the last couple days he'll like answer and then you'll say

something and it's just like dead silence oh yeah yeah, I'm not even... And I can just hear the thing clicking. He's like, yo, what's up? And I'm like, okay, I'll catch you. He's a free mason, dude. I go, can you at least set an alarm for tomorrow for the podcast so you come out of your fucking nether realm by then? Is it on the Apple Arcade? Because I just got three months free

so I could check it out. It's not. It's not? No, it's on Steam. Oh, it's on Steam Engine. So that's how you know it's good. Is it a freebie? No. But's on Steam. Oh, it's on Steam Engine. So that's how you know it's good. Is it a freebie? Uh, no.

But there's no in-game purchases or little... So you just buy it and you're good? You don't have to buy a monthly... Because that's the thing about free games is that it's free, but you end up spending like quadruple what you would spend on a normal game. Yeah, so this one's just like the regular 60 bucks for a game and then you're done. Yeah. Like Fortnite's free, but they put out a fucking...

People are actually kind of going nuts about it. ...a busty bitch fucking new character. Really? Yeah, because like every game has been like you got to buy the battle pass or the fucking whatever yeah fortnite's free but i bought 10 battle passes and every big booty latina character they put in the game yeah they only release the like this one you get to see the cock straight up for 60 bucks straight see that did they have your penis design in the game uh not the right bush to uncircumcised yeah see that was the issue so they basically have a bunch of different lengths but no consistency in terms of bush so you find the right length but it's way too much bush or you find a really small hog no bush so so they figure the more length the more bush yeah and well and then

you find like a great hog no bush uncircumcised yeah it was uncirumcised. I had to go uncircumcised just to fit out. Oh, just to get the fit right. Oh, did you end up going with vulva B? I mean. Penis C. Penis C. You took penis C? Yeah.

I almost would have went vulva after seeing those heinous cocks. Well, I just wanted to make sure. Because I guess I could still just les down, but I kind of want to see my. Oh, that's true. You don't have to hook up with dudes. You don't have to. You with dudes. You don't have to. You get to pick. Any who.

So yeah, you asked what I was doing. So that was John's week. Oh, we actually golfed a little bit. Oh, yeah. More to the range. The virtual range? Yeah. Yeah.

That's a good sober thing. I'm really glad you guys... I asked you before we left. You said I'm going to hang at Jay's. You didn't say I'm going to a virtual driving range. We didn't plan so then i did ask you to come not not maybe like hey i could see the technicality both ways he the real thing is he wasn't down to just hang out with us yeah i was in comatose yeah but that was lit watching morgue trying to do that it was a good time i bet and i was i was doing i was smacking balls because you guys played a full 18

virtually right yeah how'd you shoot i think i i was like 10 behind you right i think he was a double mine so you're quintuple over bogey and over par and i was smacking balls yeah i was like a 20 handicap he was probably 45 50 yeah that's tracks all right um no real news to report other than that, huh? I mean, there's other news that just doesn't necessarily have to do with me. No, pertaining to the boys. Oh, we're moving in together. That's the biggest news of the fucking season.

Oh, yeah, that's going to be huge. Next month, the boys will be tripled up. Yeah, for those of you that don't know, I don't live here. I'm just fucking ostracized. You're unhoused. Alternate planet. Yeah, so we made it work. We'll have the dynamic tree no more downtown

We've never we've never all lived together Is that fact that's that is facts? Oh, we're gonna do some tubby so it's dude. Yeah, we've never I'm saying new background for the so hung background noises for the so I'm I say we just double bunk up in one of the Rooms and make one of the rooms a podcast for studio could double bunk up in one of the rooms and make both the rooms podcast studio could triple bunk up in one of the rooms and make both the rooms podcast which one can macy and morgan get we could do bed so please get top please get top yeah yeah i call the middle i'm just laying down there i don't even have to beat off i just hold my dick in my hand while the bed rocks it's like strap your arm it's like soaking but it's just me

i soak myself self-soakingaking. I call it spitting. Yeah, we were saying we could actually now, like anytime something happens, we could just fucking do it. Yeah, we were thinking about we don't have to do full-sodes. If something happens,

we could just make a clip for any time we want. We just keep it set up and we just hop on. Like something happens, that minute we just do like a clip. Well, and now we could do like the stuff

that we've been wanting to do of like movie movie watch along stuff yeah yeah we can we can actually do everything we've thought about doing wow dude this podcast is about to get good finally yeah you guys are in for sticking around if you've been sticking around first of all you're fucking there's something wrong with you let me translate it but yeah i feel like we could do some fucking real shit it's gonna be electric it's palpable speaking of electric this sponsored episode is brought to you by element electro element electrolyte powdered beverages wait should we do the fucking just let them know oh yeah let them know tell them what's up what so should we do whoever has the best question next week yeah

who's ever i say we do it like this just make it interesting and so this is not like you know whatever question we could go on about for the longest period of time whatever has the longest response whatever gets the boys going for the longest period of time yeah if you can get the boys going and don't make it some thought provoking

fucking bullshit it's gotta be we're gonna come out with segments yeah or it's gonna be about one of the segments that we drop it has to pertain to something that we suggest yeah you can't just be like explain how colors are perceived by the eye or something yeah because so yeah just best question right but i think that's how we dictate it right there'll be a plaza meter a laugh-o-meter most laughs there'll be an obvious winner and you're gonna get a brand new lawnmower 4.0 if you want a bush that looks as trimmed as mine if you want a penis c like if you want bush if you want bush you want your penis to look like john's transvestite dungeons and dragons character yeah yeah you're gonna want to ask a good question

so biggest funny next week this is the fucking one this is 120 bucks right i think so and i use it i use it daily this is a million dollar thing yeah look at the gold on there there's gold real gold i use it for down low i use it for my chest yeah i use it for i use garrett's for down low i use it for trimming my sideburns i use it for shaving the neck hair there's a million there's so many i don't even have that much hair imagine what someone like a man could do with it yeah a real man a man imagine what a real man imagine what a dude could do with that thing best question gets a lawnmower and geared social security number so we'll do that well one digit yeah and you get the first digit of it's like a exodia you get the first digit weird thing my social security number is almost identical to my phone number. It's one digit off. We should give him the last. Isn't that crazy?

That is probably not something you should say. Well, it's obviously probably not true, you fucking idiot. You just ruined my bit. Thanks a lot. Next question. I'm just looking out for you. I wish it was true. Where'd the Zins go?

Give him back sloppy mouth. This guy's sick. Wait, is that actually true? Because I should cut that if it is. No, that's not true. Oh, okay. It's three digits off. Wait, is that actually true?

Because I should cut that if it is. No, that's not true. Oh, okay. It's three digits up. One other thing I had written down here throughout the week. Have you guys noticed a lot of these companies are back doing their roundup for whatever charity bullshit again? Every company's been on that shit. I feel like they've been on it. It's not a new thing, but I feel like they're ramping them back up.

Like Taco Bell had it today. Yeah, I think during COVID they're like, okay, everyone everyone's down bad we can't ask for donations at the time yeah now it's like yeah round up for the children's hospital blah blah blah fuck you uh i just this is more just a psa for people uh companies only do that so that they can write off the donation as a tax write-off for the company so you you're not actually like, they're not doing it to be nice. Yeah, everything's for bags. Yeah. So if you want to donate to something,

just donate on your own and write it off yourself. Yeah. Don't help out. You're not going to solve children's leukemia at Panda Express, I'll tell you that. For a roundup of 42 cents,

like each shit. Yeah, and they also have to pay the guy whoever's figuring out all the fucking donations. It's all just taking your money, dude. It's ridiculous. It's crazy. You have to pay the guy

who's finding out the donations? No, like whoever's organizing everything, that's somebody who's getting paid a hundred grand your money, dude. It's ridiculous. It's crazy. You have to pay the guy who's finding out the donations? Whatever. Like whoever's organizing everything, that's somebody who's getting paid 100 grand a year. Yeah. Like, you know, it's not fucking. Well, that's why the homeless thing isn't going away. Look, you want to help a child with leukemia?

Garrett's got it. Go hand him some money. Hand me some money. Give me the money and I'll go give it to him. That was the only other thing I had written down for this week. Just new week stuff for me. So you guys want to get game down?

Wait, I saw a hot fucking... And they're getting a little kind of chippy about when I don't want to do it. Don't they? The guy today at Taco Bell, he asked me and I was like, no, I'm good. And he's like, oh, it's all right. And I was like, yeah, I fucking know it is. Well, I just say yeah. I know it's all right.

I just say yeah and then press no on the thing. Oh, this is at the drive-thru though. Oh, shit. Or just that's, I mean, that's with anything. Yeah. Like anytime there's like a bar that you have to pay through those. Oh, shit. Or just that's, I mean, that's with anything, yeah. Like anytime there's like a bar that you have to pay with a Venmo, like at like an event or something, it's like only on tips. When you fake scan, you scan it and you're like, okay, I got you. And then you just never do it.

Wait, just because we're on the topic of children's leukemia, I saw a banger of a fucking Instagram post the other day. It was like, to learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize in the first comment. It's like, to learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize in the first comment. It's like, we need to rise up against children with leukemia. That's good. That's good. Glad I found that. Quick Google search.

Yeah, that was fucking top of brain, dude. You just type in leukemia. I'd put in children's leukemia. I just saw it today. That's a Bing search. Reddit, dude. Or a DuckDuckGo. Which was P put in children's leukemia. I just saw today That's a Bing search read it more duck duck go corn hub search history Don't get me sent to Guantanamo here folks have your search history also like also liked just trying to have a good oh that's definitely on there which is kind of fucked up is that our fucking motherfucking motorcycle motherfucker motorcycle since we're on the topic what do you think's the worst thing you've like you intentionally typed in where i know i know

you stumble upon like it's like related post after related post all of a sudden we're watching harley quinn get fucked by the Batman. 4K hentai. But I'm saying, what have you actually typed in that you think is the worst? Let me go back to 14. What do you mean back to 14? 14 is boobs. Huh?

Bare-chested boobs. Not even that. It's 3-0-0-8-S or 8-5. Yeah, on the calculator. 8-0-0-8-5. Bubs. Bubs on girls. I actually remember the first time I got caught

in the Google search. You got caught? Yeah, my parents called me out because I literally just searched up like naked boobies or something. You had to do boobies. I literally go,

I literally go, what? That was dad. Did that work? My mom bought it for a second. Yeah, right. And your dad was like, are you kidding me?

You know what I type in. You fucking joke, brother. What's the most heinous thing I've typed in? We don't have to do it. I just thought it'd be fun. No, that's kind of fun. It's fun. I also don't know.

I mean, I'm shielding myself against the actual worst thing. Well, to be honest. In high school, it's the worst thing ever. After seeing it and having to show you guys, the thing i've typed in is harley quinn getting fucked by batman oh you type that back in yeah well i do it i was like i have to find it for the boys valid valid yeah that's valid all right it's manscape season and let me tell you something i've only gotten compliments from my other guy friends about my bush recently or lack thereof and and they've been saying the same thing

about Morgz and Garrett's. They've just been coming up to me. People on the street recently have just said, hey, love you guys' bush. It's all right podcast. Sick bush, bro. Sick bush, less sick podcast, but sick bush. Shitty pod, sick bush.

And the reason for that is because of Manscaped. Manscaped, they got this Lawn Mower 4.0. This thing rips. This thing just goes right across all the delicate areas like just it feels kind of like morg's mom just fondling like if you're in the amazon you need a machete if you're a man you need manscape yeah it's like uh it is the three ply toilet paper of the trimming grooming world okay so you can use it for uh i think garrett was saying use your pubes one for your face and your face one for your yeah i alternate yeah i kind of got them mixed up like day one he had them labeled at the start but he mixes them up now and you can do

the same thing honestly you only need one that's what i use i use a butthole the whole thing ass face ass face groom um so make sure you go to manscaped and use the code nofomo for 20 off and free shipping that's and what is free shipping i mean free shipping is free as it gets free 99 you ever ship something in a costume money this isn't that yeah i mean i just bought a whole bunch of stuff from adam and eve and that has not free shipping well you didn't spend over 250 yeah they have a crazy high cap on their well it's pretty easy it's way too high and you'd think if me being a manscaped member they'd keep it lower but like i said that's 20 off and free shipping with code NOFOMO at Manscaped. Rip it. And dip it.

And dip it. And clip it. And. And. This week. Yeah, this upcoming week, whoever has the best question. Is getting this guy. Best fan submission is getting a Lama full fine out.

It's an infinity pool value. And you can let us know if you want us to keep it in the box or use it before we send it to you. Up to you. Yes. And ladies, don't be afraid if you win. Give it to your man. A.K.A. give it to one of us. us yeah just send it back to us and we'll and we'll use it again and then send it back no we just won't even send it out uh or maybe we could do for the ladies we send them a video of us using it

yeah okay there we go now back to the show i will say i looked up uh midget porn the other day like there was like a midget porn star in like the bang bus on my TikTok getting interviewed. And I was like, let's look it up. Had to find her. Did you search her by name? I was like, it was on her TikTok. I was like, let me type her in. Well, if you search her by name, that's fine.

Well, yeah, it was by her name, but it was, it's unsettling. They're very small. It looks weird. Is it all just her getting thrown into the bed from like multiple people? No, it's like regular sex visit. It's like weird. I feel like that's very prejudiced of you to say it's unsettling.

It's unsettling to me and everyone who's normal. Just because it's not to taste for you. Well, I know there's, but dude, I like everything. So that means there's something wrong. I mean, that's like someone who's not a fan of DC Comics saying the Harley Quinn thing's unsettling. It's not to me.

No, they like to see that. Do they throw them more often? I didn't get, I didn't watch a lot of it. Okay. So I feel like... I'm assuming there's more acrobatics involved. Okay, but... There's more lifting.

Here's a not-so-shot-out-of-a-canon. Couple beers. Oh, I would. You and her just vibing. No, I didn't say that. I wouldn't do it. She's a sweetheart. I just wouldn't watch it.

And she's coming on to you aggressively. Damn. Cool. Not even that scenario. Just, I'm hanging out right here. She's a sweetheart. I just wouldn't watch it. And she's coming on to you aggressively. Down. Cool. Not even that scenario. Just I'm hanging out right here. She walks in the door. Yes. Okay, wait, wait, wait.

What's your... Here we go. What position do you go for by default if you're having sex with a smaller person? I feel like missionary wouldn't even make sense. It doesn't work. Your chest would be over their head. I feel like they have to be on top,

which would weirdly be also bottom. just wouldn't be that that top it'd be like they're on a little bit up they're too small it's weird dude i don't think you get hit from the back you'd have to be like prone almost no you just stand up from this off off the bed like you just have to be a pretty tall bed garrett's got a bottom bed I have a platform bed aka I have a mattress on the floor wait what are you actually doing that scenario because you can't just normally make out with them right you can what do you mean like you couldn't the way the proportions are set up you couldn't be like feeling them up and maybe you couldn't be making out with them and yeah you're having sex at the same higher like it feels like you're holding the back of a girl's head when you're

grabbing their ass oh shit we could stop we could cut this yeah not like from the show but we could stop here yeah no this is good it's kind of fun to explore though i do not think you could kiss them and be inside them at the same time well yeah no shit okay well that go-to position i think something exotic. Actually being able to like hold up a girl. Yeah. I was saying like, I think I would just be like, you know,

you like when you're holding a girl against a wall against the wall, but I'm saying there's no, there's no wall. Yeah. Yeah. Like I was, I was literally going to say that when you have them against the wall and you're like,

Ooh, fuck, this is a lot. Well, yeah, they only weigh like 70 pounds, right? Sure.

That's chilling. What's a day? What do you mean? I mean, they, she only might maybe way. They has a group of chilling. What's a they? What do you mean they? What do you mean they? She only might maybe wait. They as a group of people.

What group are they? What do you define the group as? The smaller ones. Okay. That was a good play. Backtracked. Slithered out. Are you happy with that one? Yeah.

Why? You don't like it as much. No, I don't. Why not? I don't know. It's weird. I don't like seeing you thinking about it. Well, yeah. I didn't want to go there,

but sometimes you got to do things you don't want to do, you know? You did want to go there. Jay, from the amount of times that you've walked in with food into this house and I've given you shit, it's never crossed your mind to maybe bring us something? You've given me shit? Like every time you walk in here with food, I go, oh, yeah, fuck, I wouldn't have wanted that.

Are you mad that I'm drinking the Baja Blast? Well, that just got my bells ringing. I gave you a taco. Out of sympathy. You don't think I got extra tacos for my guys and I gave you some? Well, if you knew what I would have wanted, I would have wanted a Doritos Loco, not a fucking regular taco. Okay, well, that's on you. It's on you.

Why are you backing him up on this? I gave him a taco. Wouldn't it have been sweet if we all had like a couple? I gave you guys both a taco. Now it's John going on a food run. No, I love- See, this is what you guys are- This is the difference between me not living here.

No, I'm all for it. Sure. I don't know about this living situation. We all just hate each other. Podcast ends for sure. This is our last episode. Well, no, we have two more weeks. Three more weeks.

Yeah. All right. So three more episodes. Did I tell you guys that I'm gonna just start gaslighting you You already do that. Yeah, what the fuck? I'm just when are you gonna start? What do you define now I'm gonna really start what do you define everything you ever say to us what are you talking about? You already gas he's good. What are you talking about? You already gaslighted. Fuck, he's good.

What are you talking about? He's so good. I don't know. Do you have anything other than that? I don't gaslight you. Do you have anything other than that? What? I hate this motherfucker.

Wait, now that I think about it, you've actually just been doing it. Did you invent gaslighting? Doing what is gaslighting? I don't even know what you're talking about. Because you've been doing it before it's a term. No. You've been doing this for years. When will you start living here? I would never gas a Molotov cocktailing you I would never start gaslighting you guys. I would be fucked up. I

Wouldn't call it gas on these guys. I'm hiding right? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just light people on fire Just turn the propane to max you just fucking okay serious question though. Yeah, I bet this one's a good one sure Would you rather eat a baby goat or a matter baby? What's the matter? I Question be like what is what does that? What is a better baby? How mad is that? That would have been good how much matter can it get then like what's the baseline fuck that was good. I'm sorry god damn it

You're absolutely a fuck. We can't have any fun ever. Oh, yeah established baseline of mad, baby Dude I'm so sorry Those questions aren't for you. I know. Yeah. They're for the less fortunate. Stop gaslighting me, dude. I'm not gaslighting you guys.

Did you guys see that Margot Robbie got offered $250,000 to make a feet finder? Yes, I did. Is she doing it? Immaculate feet. I've never been into feet, but God damn it. You don't think $250,000 is a lowball offer out of them Yeah, she needs at least a million. I mean she could probably do that Without having to do anything

Well, I mean she makes like she probably just has a picture 20 million. There's pictures of her. Yeah, exactly Yeah, you probably just in the Barbie movie and there's a whole scene where these yeah in our feet We should just go in a Clinton Tarantino movie and the whole movie is her feet. Yeah. Oh, yeah That's also weird, too. Have you ever seen where they're like breaking that down? Oh yeah. Because he has a foot fetish.

He has an insane foot fetish. Oh yeah, dude, he's a weirdo. And he's just like, yeah, in this scene we're going to have

your bare dirty feet up. Have you seen his first film that he directed? I love that guy. In the first film that he directed, you know he's in all of his movies?

Yeah. The only scene he's in is he's drinking tequila off of fucking, what's her name, super hot Mexican actress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, oh yeah, shot tequila off of her feet. Well, he like puts a foot in the mouth. He's drinking tequila off of fucking, what's her name? Super hot Mexican actress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's drinking shot tequila off of her feet.

Well, he's a savage. That's his only scene in the movie. It's Hollywood, baby. Could you imagine having that kind of power to just write yourself into that? Yeah. I mean, he could do whatever he wants. This isn't really pertaining to the movie, but there's going to be a scene where I suck your feet. Yeah.

He has a wild foot fetish. Someone's going to suck your feet and I might cast me. Yeah. I wonder if he casts himself in like oh shit we need somebody like does he play it off or does he just like well he usually he dies in almost every one of his movies like what is he in the last second of fucking he gets blown up in django at the end yeah he's in uh i can't forget what he is in once upon a time in hollywood he in all of his movies, but he usually just dies. Like, it's like a funny thing.

But I think 250K is a low ball. But then he sucks that chick's toes. What's her name? She's Smoke Show. Not Sofia Vergara, but the other. She's the one in the Mystery Knives Out, right? What, Ana de Armas? Is it her?

No. No, she wasn't even alive when this movie was made you're so uneducated it's pathetic oh my god you watch every movie in the world and you want me to know that well just i'm glad thank you for acknowledging my i'm uneducated you don't know an actress's name thank you for acknowledging my vast repertoire of filmology um i mean i was kind of going with this one uh 250k seems like a low ball offer to almost ask her to pay yeah there's no shot she could probably sell one picture for that

that's why it's like someone would pay 250k for just one picture of her feet she should do it either way it's free bands she would probably make a shit ton of money yeah did you see the whole thing

I mean this is kind of old news but people are just saying that she's mid leading up to the Barbie movie no I did see that yeah yeah tons of people were like Margot Robbie's mid. As compared to who?

Yeah, like she's probably like... I'm going to type in actress. Wolf of Wall Street was what? 10 years ago? But like at that point in time, she was the hottest girl on earth. She probably still is. She's like one of the most naturally beautiful women

I've ever seen in my life. Margot, where you at? This episode of the podcast is brought to you by Feet Finder. Our newest member includes Margo Robbie's feet. Could you imagine how many people would download the app? I typed in women hotter than Margo Robbie. Does it say no search results found? It's got a bunch of women that I don't know.

Obviously, it's to taste, But for a blonde Australian woman? Emma Watson is on the list. Oh, fuck off. Is that Hermione? When she was 12, I was into it. No, that's not. Amber Heard's on here. This has got to be an old list.

Maybe in The Sorcerer's Stone she was hot, but she's aged. No. Sorcerer's Stone, she was prime. That was the hottest she's ever been. We're allowed to say that because we were the same age. Under episode five, what was the hottest? That was the hottest she's ever been. We're allowed to say that because we were the same age at the time. Under episode five, what was the hottest? That was the hottest she's ever been. We're allowed to say that because we were like the same age.

Yeah. But no, we're allowed to say that still. I have rewatched it many times and it holds up. It holds up. It's better now. She's back. Yeah, it's way better now. I got a little sorcerer's stone brewing in my shorts.

That's the philosopher's stone. Okay, what else you got, guys this is what i'm i don't know if we missed this completely or if it was just me you guys heard about girl dinner what is that a bag of peanuts this is new trend it's called it's girl it's basically that it's girl dinner is like you have like a glass of wine and some crackers and that's considered girl dinner that checks out i mean but what no shit what do you mean it's a trend they've been doing it forever well like girls are like posting like what their girl dinner is and they'll have like cheetos a grape and and like some franzia yeah what's that

well i went to it's called being a piece of shit i didn't go to i didn't go to dinner with a girl but i was with a girl at a place that had food yesterday and she she said, I was like, do you want to get anything to eat? And she goes, oh, let's get drinks first. Because usually I'm not hungry after I have a drink. I was like, so that means like you're like trying not to eat or you, I don't get it. It's, they're all eerily close. Tell me she had walnuts for breakfast. They're all eerily close to like being on drugs dinner, though.

It's like I had a bag and then I'll have a bite of a Twizzler and then call it good. Yeah, a lot of girls just don't get that. If you do that, then the next meal is just making you fat. Well, it's not even just that. That just brings you back to equilibrium, I think. Yeah, no. If you're malnourished and you eat, you're not going to go from like malnourished to fat you'll go just to like skinny no your body turns it into fat you're preaching to the choir here i know how it goes i eat girl dinner called beer dinner yeah it's just

when you eat like a sleeve of oreos and call it a night what's your guys's girl dinner whatever's in the fridge like a pickle um maybe like a little popsicle and then just kind of a piece together yeah just whatever pieces of things that could go into a meal but i'm not gonna make them one wasabi almonds you ever like hungry enough for a meal and then you like have a snack instead and then you have like eight different snacks and then you get a tummy ache that's that's clipped right there that's good i could have just ate a full meal but instead i had hot cheetos oreos a popsicle piece of ice cream some chips yeah it is kind of like a half a waffle scoop of this and a bite of that kind of just to quell the fact that i can't fall sleep hungry like have you ever tried you know when you're, laying in bed and you can't sleep because your tummy's grumbling a little bit?

You guys are so... Why'd you play heavy in my house? Because the tummy grumbles. He's gaslighting. Oh. I'm not gaslighting. I would never gaslight you guys. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Thank you. All right. Do we want to play our game? Morg's been waiting to play the game the whole time. No, I haven't. Are you gaslighting? No, I would never gaslight you.

I would never do that to you guys. I love you guys. You're right. That was facetious. Do you want to play the game? Do you want to play the game? Yeah, let's play the game. We came up with a game.

Do you want to intro it? Yeah, the game that we came up with the morgue wants to play is called It's called finish the phrase and the phrase is I'm not gay, but okay Okay, so the first one I have on here is I'm not gay, but a masculine gag just sounds a little better You went You went for the fucking jugular yeah,, I didn't keep these light. Whoa, okay I'm just gonna ride to think about that. You're right though. Yeah Yeah, because a feminine gag feels like you're hurting them yeah, yeah, it just doesn't sound is like when I know yeah That's gonna be good on the mic

I'm not gay, but last time I checked $20 is $ 20 is 20 yes it is yeah it is that is that's old as time 20 bucks is that's a tried and true method uh franks is 20 franks 20 canadian shmeckos yeah they're all there they all are that 20 pesos 20 same shit any currency give it to me 20 of any currency 20 to a good trade of balloons Give me 20 of anything and I'm masculinely gagging. Even 10. Hey, fuck it. I'm not gay, but it's really hard to think of reasons why. That was good because you were trying to think really hard on this one.

I'm not gay, but I haven't found a better lube than my boy's spit. Oh, wow, so you did it. I haven't found a better lube than my boy's spit. Oh, it was you so you did it I Never know what your angles gonna be but you always fucking figure it out. Yeah, I just find a good angle for it I'm not gay, but I have a hunch Lulu legging Lulu lemon leggings were designed for men I'm not gay, but I know for a fact I'd be really good at it Good I'm not gay but I know for a fact I'd be really good at it that's good and that's true that's why it's good I'm not gay but

where else am I supposed to sit holy shit I'm not gay but my boys hit yes Morg I'm not gay, but my boys hit. Yes. Mord? He's trying to think of one on the fly. No, I'm not.

I'm gay. No, I'm not gay, but bikini bottoms would look better on dudes. That's a fact. They have those, right? Bikini bottoms for dudes? Why mean you can why are you calling them bikini bottoms because that's where sponge bob's from well that makes it weird yeah bikini bottom would look be better if it was giving it's giving epstein no it'd look better on dudes sponge bob's hot yeah okay no think about it no yeah i did yeah that's what i'm saying yes they

would it's hot yeah um i'm not gay but I do follow the crumble cookie release schedule. That tracks. Right? Wait, what is that? Religious. Crumble cookies? What is that? Morgan's so out of touch.

They're like these really good cookie. It's this cookie place. They come out, but they come out with new cookies every week. It's like the hottest dessert brand in the world. I keep up on that. Yeah. It's like when we used to go get the free samples at Froyo or whatever because they come out with a new flavor. They come out with new cookies on that. Brand in the world. Yeah. It's like, you know when we used to go get the free samples at Froyo or whatever? Mm-hmm.

Because they come out with a new flavor. They come out with new cookies like that. Oh, that's good. But these are dank. They're like always fresh out of the oven warm. I'm not gay, but bulge over camel toe all day. Bulge over toe? Now that's just a debate right there.

I think that's all I got for that one. Yeah, that's all I got. It was really hard to think of those. I didn't know. I thought of all mine on the spot. Didn't write one down. Yeah. I'm looking at my text messages.

He's got blank. All right, want to do your fan subs? Yeah, fan sub it up. All right, got the ats. Hold on, I got to send a text. Well, you know how I am, dude. I like to stay fucking in the flow. The joke is I wasn't looking at my head.

Not that I'm sitting here texting. Do I not seem locked into you? He was just texting me. Yeah, we were talking about you. How long did it take him to think of those? Those jokes were sick. He's just pissed that I came up with those on the fly and he just took 30 minutes. Okay, the $20 one I've heard before.

Let's not say that was the best. Oh, denigration is happening on the podcast. As if I didn't follow it up with some zingers. No, you had some good ones. That's not what I was saying. This is the last episode. Here we go. And I wasn't even on my text.

I just clicked it to make it seem like it. Yes, eat that. Thank you, thank you. You know, I just like to flow with my bros. We're flowing. All I was saying was I'm not even going on script here. I don't even have a script. Oh, that's good.

I'll put it over here. I'm not going to text anybody. Did you just say you were doing something right earlier? What do you mean? You did something right? What do you mean? You did the ads? Oh, I got the ads.

You did something right? Yeah. I got the ads for the fan subs here. Okay. All right. This one's from Carson. Get a better name. Just Carson?

Yeah. Is that a girl or guy one? I think it's a dude. That is a beta white name, I'd say. Carson? Yeah. It's like Bailey or something. Get in the car son yeah

okay if you had to be permanently high on one drug which one and why shrooms cocaine cocaine yeah cocaine having the permanent like if you're permanently high that means there's no comedown cocaine 100 yeah that's one you that's gonna be hard to operate cocaine how high cocaine you just be electric 24 7 how you could choose how high you want to be But you always have to be on it So I could go like kind of high and then like high Like weed high might not be terrible for that if I could talk that that would saw but if I could just pick a nice mellow You'd be dumb. You'd be just dumb. I'd be so cocaine you'd just be like I'm Einstein

But you didn't you'd have to take the fact of like you're just always 24-7 and like people are trying to chill take the fact of like you're just always 24 7 and like people are trying to chill and watch a movie and you're just like yapping don't care being on the up of adderall all the time would be lit okay like okay how you currently exist yeah we've seen how that is that's not cool we don't mean that in your life huh was that you come down from it oh yeah well i think that'd be better than cocaine. You might have a point. Yeah, it would be terrible. Like, cocaine, I'm just, like, walking around and shit.

Yeah, I start pacing if I'm, like... You need something so engaging to do. You wouldn't be able to sleep on those. Coconuts. No, we're saying permanently high as in, like, you don't need to sleep, basically. I'd like to think that's how it works. Ah, no, but you have to think about that. You do have to eventually sleep.

You die after, like, three days. That's why I guess you can't pick those Well, I want to okay. I mean you I'm taking three okay. Let's say you could sleep I guess you will eventually your body's gonna fall shrooms would be lit, but also you'd just be like a fucking fairy Yeah, you would lose a lot of friends You'd have people who are just like that's just how you I know people who I already think are like that Yeah, I would definitely met people who seem no we know we were friends with a lot of we've friends with people who you when you're explaining them other people just like imagine if he was

always on it would make more sense to describe them as they're just always on shrooms than what they actually are like yeah it's kind of crazy to think that most of the people we know we've only ever seen them fucked up i wouldn't say most only ever yeah think about it like most the people that we know that not most people that we hang out with morgue doesn't yeah not our best friends obviously but like i see most people i guess majority you mean like people that we see like yeah the people that we know percentage wise like we only hang out with like two percent of the people we know the other yeah we just see when they're fucked up. Yeah, exactly. That's fair.

It's kind of great. Like those people we knew in college that we never talked to sober. Exactly. Like most of the people we've ever known, we've only seen them like fucked up. Yeah, that's... I'd say at least...

That's probably why we enjoy them at that time. Like if we knew them not fucked up... Yeah, the people that we enjoy when they're not fucked up,'d yeah the people yeah well i don't hang out people that we enjoy when they're not fucked up we call friends that's it that's it yeah that's it yep um that's a toughie i think i'd go with weed though what about like pcp or something just really at it like invincible all the time that's what i'm saying like world war z zombies oh if we're going that route then maybe like heroin or something could be sick. Ooh.

I mean, aren't you bedridden? Yeah, no, you're basically like asleep, but. Oh, geez, I'm having the best time basically sleeping all day. You're basically orgasming 24-7 for your entire life. My brain is just the happiest at all moments, and I don't have to move. Yeah, I mean, you wouldn't ever. I don't need to stimulate myself in any other way, shape, or form. You'd basically just be under a blanket.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that is the best one, right? Isn't it? Heroin, I think, is the best. I've heard that. Yeah. Peer-reviewed. We're going pure heroin.

It's described as just like a 30-minute orgasm. Black tar. Yeah. Yeah. Black tar heroin. Okay, next. Easy. Thanks, Carson.

You're sick carson sounds like a fucking oxy head if you name your kid carson sounds like a rich white kid addicted to heroin that's not a that's not a middle class name carson that's that's an upper mid to just like annoyingly rich name yeah he's at home just like whatever they pick i'm doing and you ask your dad like why'd you name me that and he's He's at you the 96 Chevy fucking whatever was the best core over He's at home and he's like I'm on all of them 24 7 because I have a trust fund don't really care Sorry Carson Okay, what do we got this one's out we put the ads in so you just roast

Have a better name if he's in the discord, okay You have a better name if you're gonna send a question in Carson we fuck with you, but who's the last guy? What's his name penis scrub or whatever? Sloppy love no there was you soggy was Probably secretly we have a you soggy no no no, so I'd probably secretly more I wouldn't spread at all no you soggy this week, but um let's see this one's from morgan this one's from bino mcnasty bino mcnasty best water smart water best water i'm a smart water guy um i'm going to the gas station i'm getting a smart water any water that someone brings me is up there. Ooh. Elementary school drinking fountain water.

After PE. After flag football, yeah. Yeah, right after recess. And it's cold as shit. It's so cold. It's the only cold one in the school. Yeah, it's covered. And it shoots like way far.

Oh, no, I like it when you have the... No, you like it when it barely dribbles and you got to lip it. Yeah, but it's so good. After the special ed class hits it. They do get early recess too. Special ed water fountain. Special ed water slopper. That one smacks.

Remember like the first couple seconds you hit it during the summer, it would be like molten hot too. You got to like back up real quick. Oh yeah, you always let somebody go first. Oh, you could go. No, that's why I said I go after the special ed kids. What was the shit? You just let them hit the hot water

yo you go first it's gonna rip dude what was the shit that people used to do when you're taking so too long there was like a countdown or there was some or some like saying that people would be like there was what was that shit it was a song i'm walking here hey yo i'm thirsty no there was something yeah you would shit on so I forget save some for the rest of us I was some bullshit fish or something I was some for the fish I was a head or that one rip yeah hey with that you're like fuck yeah if you get hit with that while you're in the urinal that was weird any water when you have to take a deep like catch your breath after drinking it wait

can we talk about kids who pull their pants all the way down to the ear holes? I got roasted for that, dude. Why wasn't everyone doing it? I was always standing right behind him. Like, there's four open urinals. I'm waiting in line behind that kid. Oh, yeah. With a little shitty butt. Dude, kids would do some weird fucker shit.

Kids were so weird. What the fuck? I was super normal. This kid, one time, you try to jump off the fucking Like the drink dispenser and fly You were in the special ed class We had a kid at our school at our elementary school who did he was like a terrorist with this He kept making the plank from Ed Edd n Eddy and he would put it in the toilet and shit on it

from Ed Edd n Eddy and he would put it in the toilet and shit on it and he did it for like a month and no one knew who it was and they had to do an announcement about it on the thing like yo whoever's doing this crap with it. Shitting on the fucking. But it was every day you'd go to the bathroom and there'd be a fucking wooden plank in there with a log sitting on top of it. That's immaculate. A plank with a log on it? That's kind of meta.

Imagine the janitor's just like, are you fucking again? Dude, we used to race this kid to his locker every single day at lunch. I can't stop thinking about this. And steal his lunch and just eat it right in front of him. It was so rude. Eat it? So he had class across campus, and we would just race him to his locker, and I knew his combo.

And we would just steal his lunch every single day and eat it you're a fucking savage and it got like so bad where he like tried to fight us i was like just change your lock dude like this is too easy i don't know i kind of was a bully i don't know that was kind of that was a hard oh you were just a bully yeah we used to do this one where so our rule for basketball was if you weren't on the court when the first shot was taken, you didn't get to play. Oh, yeah. Keep in mind, John was an actual bully.

Oh, yeah, I was a bully. So this was, the rule that we would do is that and everyone would be at lunch scarfing down their food so that we could race over there and make sure that we were on the basketball court. But there was this one kid.

In a wheelchair. There was this one kid. His name was Dwayne. And we, for whatever reason, we thought it was the funniest when he didn't play did i know this guy duane yeah oh he was at the ymca yeah duane yeah i thought it was funny because he was the best player no he actually was really good oh but you don't say his parents didn't feed him that much so he really needed lunch but he used to get a he used to get a hot dog every day and he would one bite the hot dog. He could eat a hot dog in one bite.

He would every day. One bite, or he would just inhale? Oh, he would inhale it. Yeah, one singular push in. Damn. And we still somehow found Dwayne. Where is he at right now? And then we would, when he did that.

Where is Dwayne? Dwayne, I think he's in Colorado or something now. He's on the Denver Nuggets or some shit. You think he's in Colorado right now? But it was fucked up when he did finish fast enough to be on the court. We would stand at all the opposite courts and throw the basketball across to the opposite courts and then shoot when he wasn't on it. And then the rule was if he was running back and forth.

Yeah, so he's running back and forth. And then so the other rule was if that happened and you weren't on the court, if you caught an air ball, you could play. So then we just throw air balls to each other. Oh, I remember this game. Yeah, it was a good time. Yeah, one of John's good friends clotheslined me before on the fucking tan bar. Oh, yeah, before.

That was good. We were playing some game. This fucker clotheslined me. I was like, what the fuck is this? I think we were just playing flag football and he just absolutely decked you. No, I was on tan bar. Oh, that was when we used to race around the tan bark. Yeah, we would do races.

We would just race each other. What's a tan bark? Like the tan bark. The bark. Like playground shit. Yeah. You guys used to fuck with wall ball? Oh, wall ball would hit differently.

That was a throat goat. Wall ball or four square? Four square, oh my God. Four square. What were you guys' rules when you were in the lead? I don't remember. I love how you just, everything's full. No skiing orange.

Yeah. No stop signs, cherry bombs, or tea parties. And then those are always out. Cherry bombs are unfair. Can't do cherry bombs. Cherry bombs? You don't remember what cherry bomb is? I don't remember what it is.

Cherry bomb is you can just catch it with both hands and just full smash it in the other person's thing. And then tea parties are when you just hit it back and forth between you and your friends. Oh. Yeah. You go tea party and then you can only just hit it to each other and everyone else just stand there like idiots. There's like 14 kids in line and you're like, we'll go all the way. Yeah, we're just going to play tea party the whole time each hit.

You know what kind of ripped was tetherball. That shit kind of ripped. Yeah. No, I didn't fuck with tetherball. Yeah, of course you didn't because you couldn't make fuckboy rules for that one. The chicks were taller than me, dude, and they were better than that. Yeah, that's true. They hit their growths for early.

They were like 5'10 in fucking middle school, just fucking... That was a crazy time. When girls were just always taller. Yeah, for like two years, right? I got bullied by girls. Oh, easily. Up until like senior year of high school. Oh, they were way taller, bigger tits than me.

Fucked up. That's a good question what was that question? Who's that one again? That person deserves the lawnmower. Beano McNasty! Beano McNasty rips. What's the best water? Carson you fucking suck. What's the best water? That was the largest tangent of all time. That was good. I liked that one. I love that shit. Okay, let's see see make that into a clip

Just go straight from best water to whatever after That might be a good clip idea just Just out of context responses to shit. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, give the people the fucking secret sauce on camera, Morgan. Nice. Tell them, coming at you hot. What else we got? That was good.

Great question. That was really good. Bino McNasty, way better than Chris. We're honest. Yeah. All right. This one's from E-Puff. Good.

Yeah. Okay. What X-Men would you love to party with? Deadpool. He's not an X-Men. Is he not an X-Men would you love to party with? Deadpool. He's not an X-Men. Is he not an X-Men? Not technically. Which, so it's just like the bald guy and uh... X-Men's like, there's a lot. It's like Wolverine, the thing. Oh, yeah, there's okay those ones. Oh, Professor X, because it'd just be like just like mind control me to take another shot or something.

He would be dope if he was your butt, if you were best friends with Professor X, then you could be like him. I don't know if I could name him. Yeah, he just makes all the girls in the bar get drunk as shit or something. I don't know if I could name more than like two X-Men. X-Men? Wolverine, Storm. Magneto.

Magneto. No, he's not an X-Man. What's the blue guy? He's not an X-Man. Yeah, he is. Magneto's a villain. He joins them, dude. You gotta watch the movies.

All right, yeah. If we do that movie. What's the blue guy? The teleporter dude. I'd fuck movie what's the blue guy the teleporter dude i'd fuck with that guy oh the teleporter guy beast so mr beast one of the x-men mr beast like muhaza muhaza no he's got a name nightcrawler nightcrawler x-men are lit what are you talking about wolverine would be cool as you yeah we just get wasted and gone as a motorcycle yeah it was just Hugh Jackman like in a car yeah if it just Hugh Jackman that would be

lit if it was the first one you just see him beat the shit out of people not the guy with the glasses that guy's a fucking wink Oh fucking Cyclops Cyclops that guy's a wank yeah just the hot ones Jean Grey gray yeah what's the one that touches you and kills you that one that one would be lit oh just see how long he gets throated by her before you pass out yeah cheetah one she She's hot. What? I think you're talking about... Are you talking about Thundercats? Some other kind of men. No, she's like a cat lady, but it's not Catwoman.

She-cat? She's like a cheetah. Pussy cat? She's like a literal cheetah. Pussy? All right, should we look up the X-Men real quick? Yeah, read off some X-Men. I'm going to look up cheetah cat.

There's no cheetah cat X-Men. Nope, that's not a thing. Told you X-Men are wild. Let's just do rapid fire. We'll say yes or no to everyone. Okay. Start listing them. Smash or pass or just, well, it's whatever the question was.

Party with. Would you party with them? Yeah. Okay. Go. Oh, shit. Do they have a bag? Oh, you want me to pull up X-Men lists? Do they have a bag? Yeah, I was going to. I can't suggest all of them. List shit. They have a bag. Oh you want me to get put x-men list. Yeah, I was gonna just solve them

list of X members Okay, professor X smash Cyclops Cyclops no he's kind of a weird guys when the OS five I think an ice man That guy's black it to I think though iceman. He's kind of a bitch made. The fire guy's cooler. Beast. Is this X-Men or Marvel, right?

Sure, dude. Beast I'd play like beer pong with because he'd be a beast. Marvel Girl slash Phoenix. That's Jean Grey. Yeah, that's Jean Grey. Yeah, she's in. Who did they cast her as? Changeling.

Can morph him into a bag? down uh polaris what are these ones these are all of them dude i've got all of them stupid i'm telling you um darwin vulcan night crawler uh banshee storm sunfire colossus thunderbird lockhead colossus would go rogue uh rock thing magneto that's the thing he's fantastic for. Yeah, he fucks. Gambit. Jubilee. Bishop. Revanchi.

Cannonball. Joseph. Cecilia Reyes. Mero. Maggot. X-Men are fucking stupid. Cable. Mirage.

Sage. White Queen. Zom with an X. Chamber. Stacey X. Lifeguard. Slipstream. Northstar.

Husk. Juggernaut. Zorn. Mystique. Warpath. Lady. Mastermind, Sabretooth, Omega, Sentinel, Armor. What are you doing? All right. Chicks are free. Dudes are 50.

Well, at least we know Marvel's going to be busted. There's one called Boom Boom. That one's in. That is Marvel, right? Yeah. Yeah. They're going to be hitting us with. First of all, I'm just going to say this.

There's been an X-Men movie. I had 50 to 75 more ready to rock right there. Didn't know a single one. Yeah, good. That means you've spoken to a woman before. Yes. Okay, so we got that one. Who was that again? E-Puff.

E-Puff, get out. What else you got? All right, this one's from Bottlenose. Pettiest thing a girl has done to you guys this is kind of a good one pettiest thing put me on uh am i dating the same guy oh i would say that yeah that's up there and then roasted me that takes the cake correctly but yes not really it was out of pocket. It was out of pocket. Fun. That was... What a comeback. Hmm?

Yeah. Unfazed almost. Really unfazed. That was such a fun era. John in a relationship era? John down horrendous. Pettiest thing? We got to have more than this.

Come on. I know we do. Oh, yeah. I'm the only one that's gotten roasted by a woman Hattiest I Recently just had a girl asked me if she was allowed to wear these shoes cuz she thought she's gonna be taller than me I thought that was kind of petty that's pretty and then I was like how tall do you she's like 5 2 I was like How fucking tall do you think you are?

She's like I'm 5 2 but these heels are 4 inches and I was like well how tall do you she's like five two i was like how fucking tall do you think you are she's like i'm five two but these heels are four inches and i was like well how tall do you think i am that's pretty chalked i was like you think i'm five six that's pretty chalked i mean every i mean pretty much everything my ex didn't like make rules for me and then date the guy after me who's breaking all the rules that was really good petty no tattoos and date a guy with arm sleeve yeah oh full body sleep yeah that's good. Full body sleeve. Yeah, she had all these crazy rules for me, and then the next guy she dates just doesn't even matter because he's rich.

I was like, this is how girls work. That's how it is. Yeah. Welcome to the show. Yeah. Welcome to Petty 101. Petty. You guys would know better than I can think of

for me even for me oh for you what's what's the one the one who ghosted you for a bit and then made

and then made fun of you in person for ghosting you did that happen yes she well I didn't recognize her and she introduced herself to me as the girl who ghosted Garrett.

Oh, I didn't even know about that. I didn't even know about that. I don't know if this counts as petty for some of these, but they're just good roasts that they pulled off. I'm the girl who ghosted Garrett. I was like, she said her name, and she was like, was this spring or fall? Yeah, I was like, she said her name and she was like, was this spring or fall? Yeah, I was like, which one?

Yeah, I guess I just really haven't really interacted with women at all. Like for long periods of time. No, besides... I mean, it can only really be petty if there was some sort of involvement. Otherwise, I don't really care. Yeah, I think it comes down to petty

if you did something and they reacted petty and I just don't do I don't do things With women. Yeah All right, we got that one we broke up that's pretty petty what? Them existing after we broke. Yeah, yeah hanging out like walking around being at the same bar that I go to After we broke up what the fuck? Alright, let's see. Some of these people I don't know. I'm going to read it, but I don't know what's going on in their heads. Dude, the best one we got

was what's your favorite water? Okay, so E-cow-de-roy? E-cow-de-roy? Yeah, E-cow-de-roy. Is it quarter-roy? Is that how you spell quarter-roy? Quarter-roy? Cow-de-roy. Okay. Alright. Worst place to tell your friends you've given them hiv

worst place while you're behind them how do you give your friends hiv you're fucking your friends in this scenario yeah right after you pull out yeah that's after you've after you get the needle back you guys all have HIV worst time at their wedding Thanksgiving best man speech yeah that's a good one

crazy that one time I gave you HIV it's crazy to see you this happy and getting married I don't know if I love the HIV related questions oh that's your line that's your fucking line in the sand I don't know if I love the HIV related questions. Okay. Oh, that's your line. That's your fucking line in the sand.

You fucking sack of shit. Thanks, Corduroy. Next. Sorry, Morgan has morals also. Yeah, Morgan's a fucking bitch. That's just a weird thing to talk about. Special ed jokes, fire off. Yeah.

All right, special ed jokes. What position would you do? There's more people with downs than HIV. What kind of position would you have sex with a midget in? I'm not talking about HIV. Well, HIV what kind of position would you have sex with a midget in I'm not talking about Well HIV is kind of a sad thing special ed people are lit What about my god? HIV is not a life sentence. What are you talking about autism is magic Jonathan's out here thriving? Yeah, that guy's forever It's a lifelong illness. So is downs

Yeah, but they're vibing dude. It's not like a negative thing. It's a lifelong illness. So is Downs. Yeah, but they're vibing, dude. It's not like a negative thing. It's vibes-based. You'd rather have Down syndrome than HIV? I'm saying Down syndrome people are generally having a good time. They just have a disability. They're great. You never seen Dallas Buyers Club, dude? They're having a time.

I'd rather have Down syndrome for my whole life than get HIV and not have Down syndrome. I'd rather have both. Who says you can't do both? Okay, guys. Next question. I'm removing myself. Next question, please.

On the next episode of Everyone's Cancelled But Me because I removed myself. You're going to get cancelled first. Him being silent, it's worse than them making the joke. That's what they'll say. Because I didn't speak up yeah they're gonna come at me how dare you not defend them this one's from kiana can blind people see their dreams i feel like we've answered this but this may be like early early

days yeah yeah we could try again i mean no no yeah what are their dreams in braille what do you mean what are their dreams in they'reille. What do you mean, what are their dreams in? Are they sleeping? Are their dreams in feeling? Sound, maybe? They hear shit? I mean, it's whatever your reality is. You can't just all of a sudden see.

Mm-hmm. But maybe, though. No, dreams are all things you've seen before. But so if you can't see, what would you dream in? Not seeing. Braille. They if you just dream, what would you dream in? Not seeing. Braille. They dream in everything else, dude. You've never seen a blind person sleep? It's just like...

You're just feeling the wall. I'm flying. If they're like, if they could touch like a popcorn ceiling, they're having a mad dream. Yeah. They put their beds really high to the ceiling. They have a textured headboard. They're like, holy. Yeah, they sleep on lumpy ass shit.

So they go nuts. Okay, done. Easy. You're reading a bedtime story. Just fuck. We're horrible people. I enjoy it. That was good.

Who's that one? was that one Kiana Kiana good shit alright it's your first time at a girls place and you can feel you're about to have

diarrhea what's your move you can feel you're about to put myself there there's a grumble do girls places just for context

do they have bathrooms typically that is that's an easy out cause they don't girls don't go to the bathroom right so like if i was at a girl's place they wouldn't have like a toilet they yeah they

don't do that so maybe there's a urinal that you have to use the alley or something i think you just uh leave well if i if it's me i have my diaper on if it's like if it's like debilitating like one of those ones where you like can't even move okay the real question you have to ask yourself is it gonna sound like you poured like a jug of water into the toilet when you go you're gonna be a dribbler is it gonna be a no it's gonna fall yeah it's gonna fall just maybe maybe tell her to put on say your wrist or something put on um dunkirk turn it all the way up and turn the volume up and then i actually don't know how to operate in that scenario i would freak the

fuck out i'll tell you that because here's the thing if it is even just a regular shit i'm uncomfortable put eye drops in her water and then do it together oh that's good yeah i didn't even think about that yeah yeah ask her if she's lactose intolerant and split a tub ice cream just get it do it with her. It's a date thing. It's a date thing? I'm talking like, if I shit in the tub, she gets the toilet,

be a gentleman. Imagine like first date. You go to dinner, you come back, you had some bad sushi. Well, I think the worst thing is like, if it's real. You guys are trying to hook up

and you're just like, I'm going to shit everywhere. If it's real diarrhea and you have to do it a couple times, like you get away with one excuse to go to the bathroom, but a couple times, like the best excuse you could to go to the bathroom but a couple times like the best excuse you could have is I'm just addicted to blow and now I would just

hit my just addicted to pull that shitting and I feel like you lose you just gotta go I don't feel like you get the fuck out of here lame I mean that's lame but like I'm actually trying to or you just fucking leave the door open let it rip dude yeah shit like a man I'd this. I'd be so horrified. Hey, listen to this. You want to see some shit? We're going to Netflix and chill out. You want to see some fucking shit right now? When I typed in how to blind people dream, it just pulled up a picture of a blind person,

and I don't understand it. Ooh, I watched a crazy ad. Are they dreaming? Well, it's just like, if you're the first image when blind comes up, I don't know what the fuck. It's like, this is the most perfect example of blind. I saw a crazy-ass movie the other day. What?

What did you see? It's pretty new. It's called Infinity Pool. Have you heard of that? Oh, is that the scary one? Yeah. What is it? They're stuck in a pool, right?

No. No? No. From the movie poster, it looks like that. Oh. But they're in this foreign country, and they have foreigners, if you commit a crime there, they have some... Basically, every crime is punishable by death.

It's like the... Saudi Arabia? Gnarly shit. Wait, is Updad in that one? Who's Updad? Anyway. Damn it. No, it's with Skel and Skarsgård. Great actor. It's with um it's with uh skel and scars guard great actor

it's with the guy from succession oh i think we watched a trailer for this and we saw him in it it actually fucks it's really weird it's got a two star rating i give it out of what two out of yeah it's this new rating site it's a one or or two. It was thought-provoking, but basically this guy like it's He's like what if a pool never and he's like driving Okay, go driving home drunk and he hit some fucking hitchhiker and they're like freaking out And he's like do we turn ourselves in and then they're with some people like from the country They're like no like if you turn yourself in you're getting the death penalty like any sort of like Like, no, like if you turn yourself in, you're getting the death penalty.

Like any sort of like. Yeah. Any mid-level crime is like punishable by death. So they have some deal with like the U.S. embassy that they can clone you. And then they'll they'll fucking like kill you. They'll kill your clone. But you have to watch it happen. And then that's considered your like death penalty.

And then you get to just leave free. Now, that plot seems very just great. I mean, it's interesting. You have to watch. He's watching himself get like fucking stabbed in the fucking. It's not. That's the execution? But then you don't.

Well, yeah. So the kid who's like dad he ran over is just stabbing him. And he's watching himself. But you don't. You start to not realize if he's the clone or if he's the real person. That's a classic clone plot. So then there's this whole group of people that just live there and just commit heinous crimes and just keep getting cloned. And they're just like psychopaths.

Oh, now that's a lit aspect. No, it's a cool plot. So if you're rich, you can do whatever you want plot. Exactly. Yeah, if you can afford. So they pay like $10,000 or $100,000 per time. So it's all these rich people who just live there and just murder people and rob people, and they just get cloned.

But then you can't tell if you've been cloned that many times. Well, no, I think they can, but when you're watching, you're like, are these any of the original people? Yeah. It gets deep. It's a good... It sounds kind of lit. People do start it, though.

Out of how many? I mean, it gets pretty outrageous, but it's worth a watch for sure. Out of 10 or 5? 2. 2 out of 5 or 10? 2 out of 2. Oh, I got 2 out of 2.

It's on the 0-0-1 scale. Okay. It's worth watching. We'll give it a rip. It's on Hulu. What was the question again? If you could watch yourself get killed, would you clone yourself?

It was a recent film. I don't know why I thought of that. I think we were talking about diarrhea, and I was like, oh, and foodie pool. Oh, okay, okay. Because there's foodie pool shit coming out of my ass. We got there. All right. 53.

53. All right. It's going to do it. Cat's out of the bag. I don't know what that means, but it felt good. It is out. Cat's out. Cat's out of the bag.

Yeah. Meow, meow. Yeah. We're three weeks away from from just leveling this bitch up so if you can let us stay in business for that much longer we'd appreciate it um if not we fully understand yeah keep on sending us your questions like best water somehow the worst one rips the fucking dumbest ones are always the best i don't know why 30 minutes or episode was dedicated to that question but best water because it's a good question How do you think of that?

How did we not come up with that? Yeah genius so fair. We should get him to write for the show Yeah, anyway, we'll see you next friday because we're We're on it dude a whole summer time bandits chronos the god of time. Yeah So, uh, we'll catch you late, dude. Yeah. Peace gang