NO FOMO - 57. Shit Plane

Episode Date: September 8, 2023

🔔 Subscribe & Follow: ⁠https://linktr.ee/nofomopod⁠ 🎽 Merch: ⁠https://www.bonfire.com/store/no-fomo/⁠ Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we talk Shit Plane and host the Summit on Milking. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back, back, back to the Monster Chicken FOMO Show. Now it's FOMO. The boys are in town. Mm-hmm. We haven't been out of town, so we can't be back. Well, we've never been in town. That's true. Us three, the trifecta.

The boys are always in town. Do you guys want to talk about the news of the weeks? Wait, that's how Garrett does news. Well, I brought news. Okay. Garrett inspired me this week in the news. That's not how you say it, though. That's how how i say it different anchors do it a different way say yo boys have you heard the news this week oh see that's frat frat chad news yo shaka dude have you heard the news this week

anyway anyway wait garrett probably has some news you want to go first do you have news um no i don't okay okay okay good because i brought it okay um news of the week uh you guys heard about the shit plane oh yes we heard the shit plane yeah no i haven't heard it i love it i never know anything about the news oh sorry i'm busy grinding let me give you a quick breakdown of the shit plane um two hours into a flight bound for barcelona out of at Atlanta, a plane had to return because of a biohazard. Oh, the poo poo plane.

Yes. Say it right. Uh, there was reportedly diary. This is exactly, they have a recording of the plane. Oh, I've seen the video. It's they call in to like the, the flight deck and they're like, we have a diarrhea all through the plane. Was there exactly?

Have you seen the video of the walkthrough? It's fucking wait. There's a video walkthrough of diarrhea on the yeah so the entire aisle the pictures showed uh this was like after the attempted cleanup but there's literally towels and dark stains through the entire aisle of the plane they gotta stop fucking putting fucking taco bells in in airports i swear to god and reports from one of the persons on the plane was uh as follows holy shit that shit was fucked holy shit that shit was crazy that sounds like the most morgan statement i've ever heard did we get a um yeah we were on site with our first responder

first guy to get off the plane morgan's just like holy shit that shit was wait did we get a meal breakdown uh so there are questions and there's only two hours in the flight they aren't even serving meals there are things we don't know yeah but i'm saying like did like what happened oh what they ate before i will say this if i had to imagine the uh wanted poster for this person wanted posters yeah there's shit on the camera um i can just see uh kind of a combination of like morgue with like Kevin Malone from the office. Like if you mash those into one person sweating, looking worried. I could see all three of us just standing next to each other in one mugshot.

What are you talking about? Other questions that weren't answered. They never said if it was he or she. It was a she confirmed. Confirmed she. Yep. That's breaking. That's breaking news.

It's a she. I heard that today, actually. What were they wearing i'm this guy what were they wearing to allow this much shit to come out because if you saw the pictures it is a literal it only made sense when i heard it was a female because she had to be wearing a dress or a skirt if it's a guy like your jeans aren't spouting that much no you're you're wearing some 2000s boxers and like some cargo shorts wait was it do we know if it was boxers and like some cargo shorts wait was it do we know if it was one temple run to the fucking yeah it was it was just one yeah she wasn't going back and forth okay because if it's back and forth and we have her name and address actually

if you'd like us to report that yeah please do because i'm news guy i heard someone say that i'm waiting for the uh because what was it that i'm not real lady she came out with her thing like apologizing oh yeah and they're like oh i can't wait for this one redemption video what was her apology you didn't see her he was real i'm sorry oh no she was just like oh i'm sorry about my actions did you see one of the other ones though which ones see other ones we always get our conspiracy shit oh but then it's not really her no someone ran to her in an airport and she was literally like i can't comment on any of this oh i also saw a thing that she apparently lives like three blocks from tmz headquarters so they're like this is just

a plant of a person it's not even a real person that could easily be a plot you think it's election distraction well now we're going another i'll be here all week dude let's go how do we get back to the election here all decade how do we get back to the election here all decade how do we get back to the election there he is we were on something and he just jumps off you're distracting us okay yep um give a moose a bridge he'll jump off yeah if you give an alarm a sprinkler i think this happens mostly because it was out of atlanta definitely that has some some serious weight to it like if you had to pick an airport that someone was going to have diarrhea out of rank them texas texas yeah they know how to handle their stuff if they had airports if they had airports in south dakota i'd go there but they

don't texas is like a half fart away from shitting your pants every time that's a good one the half fart away from shitting your pants that's me daily on the moment by moment um san francisco i think it's just like the shit it's just like the shit capital homeless people don't fly though no but it's the shit is in the air you smell shit you're you got shit you have could you imagine i think mexico has got to be the shit capital of the world dude in terms of getting the shits yeah that's actually true they probably have a better i threw up on it like nonstop. I had to move my seat, which I had checked in a minute after to secure a nice front seat. Had to request to sit in the very back seat next to the lavatory, they call it, because I was vomiting violently the entire time. I actually forgot to say this other quote that I saw from the thing.

It wasn't that bad until all the throw up bags got filled up and then they had to go on the floor no wait what no you made that up I know you had to yeah that is good pass me another bag everyone's just fucking flowing no but it made more sense once I found out it was a female because are we sure because they love 100% sure really that's looking up I just had this person made up in my head that i imagined no i know exactly it definitely looked like morgan in my mind but okay just imagine morgan with the miniskirt imagine morgan after he's gotten too much gluten we don't have confirmation that it's actually a woman but they were they're wearing a

skirt they looked like a woman wait so we actually don't know if it was a woman no no it really was it was yeah okay and they you're telling me a picture didn't get out of this girl i know that is one of the things like okay you're telling me we kept the shit okay wait a second wait a second wait let me put you in a scenario here you're on a plane there's poop all over you see someone sprinting down the aisle you also don't see them until they pass your seat and you don't really know what's happening right but even let's say you do know what's happening you see them shit instantly i get up at first is your first thought because you're in an aisle seat yeah you're in the you're in the death zone is your first i need to get my phone out and record this or holy fuck there's shit coming my way dude i'm

standing up i'm fucking close cam morgan morgan your eye mask these people were all in like literal sick health from the smell of this morgan's wearing an eye mask asleep in the window seat he's not dude if she water bombs fucking half the plane i'm i'm someone wakes morgan up and he's like we're back in atlanta and they're like what the fuck he's like what the fuck i thought we were in it can't even in barcelona problem yeah he's like it smells like my bedroom smells like my bedroom what the fuck's all right if i'm in like 26 c i might try to get my cam out if i'm like middle of the plane i don't think anyone saw this coming yeah it's not something you could really it was a girl sitting there violently ill she starts shitting her pants she

sprints to the fucking bathroom no one had a chance to get up yeah no but the shit the shit trail stops where her seat is you know no it there's one 16 year old that's like yo now people know who it was, but I don't think she got out of that bathroom. Yeah, you think she came back to her seat? Oh, you don't think she got out? She might have stayed in the bathroom. You think she came back to her seat?

Oh, you think you're going to walk back, trance over your own diarrhea in the middle of the fucking plane? As the plane turns around, makes an emergency biohazard landing in Atlanta? You think you're going to hopscotch your way through your own shit trail? You're saying I will Venmo any of these hostesses any of these stewardesses a

thousand dollars to let me stay in this until the plane lands yeah i'm not skipping over my shit to go back to fucking 2016 she she was never seen okay well god bless i like to think she was with her family i would like to imagine that that is that would be good uh one of the other fucked up parts of it that I read is that, so it was obviously delayed flight. You're going to Barcelona for a vacation. They actually cleaned that plane and then they reboarded it. Same day.

It was like five hours later. But all the people were like, oh, they did such a good job. I'm like, you didn't do that good a job. They interviewed the post plane, the post ship plane? Oh my, could you imagine? They said everyone was applauding the clean. Well, that one was also going from Atlanta to Atlanta. So I'm not surprised.

Oh, okay. Dude, imagine. They didn't really care. Ooh, that cleanup crew. Do you get a bonus for that? You have to, right? No, that's just part of the job. I think they literally have to go there in like hazmat suits.

They had to hazmat, I think. I don't think you could refly that plane same day. They did. Like, let me, let me just paint a picture here if you are could you that's like that's like you're getting your pants and wearing them same day you think you're getting my ass back on the ship plane you got another thing coming dude that's like how if you come back out after you deboarded me first of all i'm leaving everything i own on that plane yeah because i'm not waiting for it to deboard and people grab their fucking bags. Could you imagine how frustrated you are getting off a plane normally, just watching people being

slow and you're on the shit plane. No, imagine being on grandma's like, like trying to get up. You're like fucking move. I would be climbing over chairs and then they come back after all that. And they say, okay, we cleaned the plane. It's good to go now. I'd be like, fuck you. You know, those five people that stay on after every flight they're on the connecting flight you know there is at least like a couple of those guys and they're just like they're getting back on them off no here's the thing though if you're on a plane cleanup crew and they say whip out the fucking hazmat suits you're like oh there was a biological terrorist attack on this plane did they drop the oxygen mask bitch you ate burger king just shit i wonder if

they should have dude didn't you think they dropped the oxygen mask well it's just recirculating air though isn't it it's better than the shit air no they have they have a separate oxygen they have tanks for those i think i'd like to think they dropped the air mass for that ah but i don't know if they have like do they have that much air like how long does it last because it's anything's better than poop air they were two hours out they had to go two hours back it's enough air to get you two hours for sure you think yeah yeah anything's better than poop air i bet anything is better i bet it's gotta be enough for two hours no wait can you i'd rather it be anthrax than poop well you might be right i would i think i would i don't know how it didn't turn into a shit and vomit plane because yeah how is there not more people dude i would have shit if somebody else

shit somebody shits first you're just like fuck it i am we can do this now i don't know we can do this i'm gonna i am one of those people like if i see someone throw up or i smell throw up i will throw up but i don't know if i smell shit if i want to shit oh no no if i smell shit i'm shit i'm i mean if even if i don't smell shit i'm shitting but i mean yeah no if i smell somebody else's shit i know it's time to shit that's true yeah it does kind of like wet your whistle a little bit into the idea can you think of one other thing that's your backdoor whistle your leather whistle yeah i mean where else do i whistle out of can you think of one other thing that you get shit on and you use same day my own ass

i get that's like you shit your pants you wash them and you're like oh let me fucking put these you throw them away you can't throw away a plane yeah it's true anything else you get shit on you throw it away like just that logic's kind of fucked up maybe your car if you shit on your own bed own bed, you'd wash everything besides the mattress and you'd sleep on it the same night. But if I shit my car, I'd get a new car. Would you? I don't think you wouldn't. Your car smells like shit. Okay.

Okay. Everyone else. Yeah. Most people. Most people. No. Any. If someone gets shit on my child, I'd throw my child away.

Like anything. Yes. Yeah. That's dumpster worthy. Yeah. Especially if they're Yeah, especially if they're not awesome get a new one. I'm out Like if they shit a bus if you shit a bus you don't ride the bus that day, right? But they're not getting rid of that bus, dude Okay, first of all the bus one. That's like every week news story. Yeah, that's it bus. That's shit bus Come back happens come bus and ship us that same story happens on a bus or i'm on a different porn hub i don't know that same story happens on a bus 15 times a day in new york city no news yeah but bus is frequent in the cities um yeah but that was

shit plane okay that was shit plane this is another this is another big one i got for us we've uh we've been talking about how we've been considering getting into only fans what's the angle for men you know how do men make it i'm excited for this i found one okay apparently there's a scam that girls will do where they ask men and they say i bet you can't do 40 push-ups okay us being guys we're like i can do 40 pushups. Of course. Like, okay, send me, go ahead. Film me and then film yourself doing 40 pushups. So what guys will do is you put the camera down on the ground, do 40 pushups. This is how they've already got you. You've already been got by the girls.

Cut a card is in your back pocket. They see it. No, what they want isn't what they want isn't to see you do the pushups. They want the noise you're making while you're doing pushupsups girls will then get rid of the video use the sound girls flick off to like really really there's a whole section of women who buy these noises reverse only fans yeah we could do a little segment right now why don't we just do start an only fans of us doing push-ups or having sex with each other? Yeah.

Either one of the other. That's nothing in between. It's like it would make more money. Can we just do a pushup only fans? Not the pushups. That's apparently there are women. There's a huge that it's called grunting and whimpering purchases. Really?

Yeah. Okay. Whimpering. Well, cause I don't think once you get up towards like 38 38 it's like yeah the whimpering i'll take care of that part you guys yeah you guys grant because the whimpering is like a quarter cry right have you seen me do a push-up yeah okay like that yeah but wait do we know the percentage of guys the girls on only fans it's gotta be 90 10 what does it matter we're praying on the 10 because this might be like something fucking we could do this right now i'm telling you can do it i already did the research

we're ready to rock okay that's an angle where we wouldn't even have to you don't have to show your face you just have to sell it's like uh my face doing push-ups are getting fucked by garrett i don't want to say i'd almost rather show my face getting fucked by morgan than push-ups yeah i just wouldn't want to feel i wouldn't want someone to see'd almost rather show my face getting fucked by morgan than push-ups yeah i just wouldn't want to feel i wouldn't want someone to see my push-ups why can i see that's what i'm saying quickly rather someone's getting fucked in the ass why does it go straight yeah why does it go straight but do we have like an income statement from somebody do we have like that guy on tiktok that's like telling guys the fucking hey we're pioneers did the okay did uh

yeah we're gonna set the market the people on the mayflower have a fucking google maps of america no they still went on the voyage but one of the things with this i was thinking is not only do we get to make some money it's a nice little workout this is your guys master plan to get me in the gym dude we i want buff garrett dude could you imagine you buff yeah i already told you the other day when you told me that I could get a month free at the gym. I'm coming to the gym. He's zooming it up, dude. Okay, I have trust in that. He's going to be rich because he's going to be doing push-ups for money.

Big trust. I would start to phone it in, though. I'd start to fake it. You think they'd be able to notice a fake it? Because if they're already getting rid of the video anyway. Or some of them probably like the video, if you kind of point of view it it looks like you're getting fucked no they probably just like to see you doing how about we just fuck each other on camera for money god forbid why are we making this so complicated we could just do that

i don't know what i was thinking that's simple all right next thing okay next thing okay this one so we talked about um how we wonder if whiskey clit is a thing okay um i actually got it broken down there's four stages okay this is from a girl um the first stage is hurricane clit hurricane clit that shit's storming it's squirting it's bustling it's we all know that it's wetter yeah second stage we've got swamp clit okay oh it's just been it's it's wet but it might not be because of you it could just be the environment's a little warm well you also have to like find it yeah you guys know exactly what i'm talking about it's not like you it's not like you you swipe a hand down there and you're like oh fuck there it is it's like there's

some ridges you make some moves and you're like oh there's something that's kind of every time though but okay there's an alligator in there i'm learning things yeah so that's it's it's wet it's ready to go morgan's confused on the part where it's wet yeah yeah how are we getting it she didn't break that down um then three is whiskey clit morgan like it's for the last day three is when do i come you already did you already did way late you already did it happened all right okay this is after for them okay i already came this would be that end point when you're like i rarely make when you say like give me five yeah you know in these five minutes yeah um but whiskey clit is it's wet yeah nothing's happening now we're not getting there then you've got jerky clit

oh okay jerky clit links you simply cannot hydrate that fucker this is a roast beef that has been out in the sun like you spit on it and it evaporates immediately yes exactly not that i know what that means it's it's the arizona streets during the summer yeah yeah it's it's a you fry an egg on that you know when like they show you mcdonald's after like 30 days in your car it still looks the same but it's just like rock hard yes yeah it's that sort of deal kind of like my penis what um and i already said sorry before step one right maybe okay um those are those are the clits um those are them um okay so i got one last game for you guys it's a blind rank blind rank okay this is going to be the blind rank of places you are glad you didn't go. Oh, blind rank is one of my faves.

Oh, blind rank. Yeah, that's so much fun. This is places you're glad you didn't go. Okay. The first one is Burning Man this year. Wait, can I get a little recap? It was just like rainy as fuck and like they couldn't get out, right? Yeah, they're stuck there.

It's rainy, muddy, like tents are just slogged. You can't get in or out so burning man is seven days long is it really yeah it's a week it's a week-long that's aggressive so day like six or seven even might start on like five there was an insane downpour cars could not move people take rvs there you're not gonna get yeah so you literally couldn't drive on the stuff because your car would just sink into the mud and get stuck. And not only that, they literally fucking stay literally like police close the roads

or like you're not even if you could get out, you're not allowed to leave. So for like a full day or two, they were not even allowed to leave. And then sun came back out, dried it up pretty quick, much like Morgan's glances do. And they were allowed to leave so they were imagine after a seven day bender you're stuck in the middle of the desert in mud for that would be fucking god awful people died because they didn't have enough food and like no i don't think anyone died no somebody got sick and died no people got electrocuted by their generators going out to restart their generators and really in water and they died you could get fucking electrocuted by your

generator and fucking you're toasted it was like there's like three inches of water everywhere stuck in mud yeah i'm telling there's more than like five deaths i'm pretty sure really really i thought no one died that sucks okay but that's one of them this is why i'm the news guy this is why he's okay so that was one and this we're doing top five yeah okay this is i'm gonna go because i have a feeling one of them's auschwitz so i'm going four oh you're going low this would be like you really didn't want to go would be number one yeah i'm going four well because the plane is i'm going four i know because i know the plane is on there no that's too i'm i think Auschwitz is on there.

I'll be baffled if it's not. I'm going four. Okay. What are you going for? Morgan, will you agree? Yeah, you guys got to come to the... Dude, I'll go five here. I can make it through this.

Okay. I can make it through that. And also, you're coming off like one of the best weeks of your life. I'll go five. I'm chilling, dude. Easy five. He thought he was going to get us with that. Yeah.

Easy five. Yeah, we have... He didn't even know people died and he thought we were going to get that. Dude, this is going to be all World War II from okay okay okay normandy the next one is uh fire fest okay that one's definitely worse than burning man yeah no that's my four dude i would love though i would love to be there it's worse than burning man but it's four and number two is coming up we'll remember remember you paid yeah how much oh so oh so we would put that five do we get to switch no no you know no that's four yeah i stick with your right oh oh i want to go around like burning

man is not as bad as fire fest but we have to put it four because i like both of them though i still like them both so the four and five is where you have wait side note and so there is the fire fest too and he just started like a fresh tikt Yeah. Watching him talk to it with like 300 followers is just fucking, he's such a fucking loser. So that was four. That was four. Like because it had to be. Yeah. The next one is, um, a plane bound for Barcelona from Atlanta.

I knew the plane was going to be on. It's gotta be on there. Okay. I wouldn't, that would be funny to me again. You'd also be asleep within the first five seconds dude somebody shit on the plane i wake up immediately i don't know if you know wake up in barcelona somehow you would have made it there dude where's everybody else dude i'd be like can i stay what's the big idea yeah i was like my mattress i'm staying through to the final destination on that one three sure i'll go three okay poop plane fucks okay uh the next one is maui for vacation last like oh he reversed us yeah yeah you reversed us that's not fun put auschwitz

um i think there's something worse coming. You think we did this right? No, fuck Maui. I think he did it in reverse order. Oh, Maui just burned. That's why. Yeah. You would have died. Okay, we got to go one there.

No, I have a feeling something way worse is coming. We got to go two. Okay, we'll go two there. Okay, two. I was just... Number... The last one here is Wuhan in 2020. Yeah, that's a clean one. Okay, I feel like like we're just right in the middle of the outbreak yeah would have been a fun vacay

you're just there eating some you know fried bats and then all of a sudden caterpillar shit yeah it would have been sick to be like the person who flew back from wuhan to bring it to america oh be the the patient zero patient zero in america that would be lit dude could you imagine being the guy that let that shit out here for a few things aids aids well they came out with a new one they have hiv aids and then what do you have haids haids yeah duh AIDS. Wait, off topic. Yeah. I'll let you finish your bit. That was it. That was the whole thing. There's no topic, Garrett. There's no topic. I feel like we played that well.

Yeah. Oh, no, you guys did pretty good. Well, only because we learned from the last time. There's always a bigger fish, right? That's why I'm lulling you guys to sleep with this one. This one seems tame and fine. I didn't lull us to sleep. I still found it enticing and ingenuitive. If you think that i didn't think about throwing in an auschwitz or a uh you know all right next week i'm doing it a nagasaki it's auschwitz

birkenau nagasaki hiroshima and um morg's last birthday party uh chucky cheese with priests any engagement party i've ever been to oh okay no but um recover recover recover new m night shalaba lava lawn film knock at the cabin went in with low expectations wait you probably haven't even heard this already it came oh that was the yeah the new one the newest one i actually had high expectations i thought it looked good and i was scared that I thought it looked good. Have you seen it? No.

It is good. It's good? It's a good. Not good good. Is it better than old? It's a seven. It's a six eight. Is it better than old?

Didn't even bother watching old. Old is bad. Old looked bad. I actually watched the first- Old's on my- What is it, on HBO? I watched the first 10 minutes of Old. Yeah, it is on Max right now.

I see it every time on there. No, it is on HBO Max right now, and I watched the first 15 minutes, and then I put on Knock at the Cabin. This one's actually good. Oh, it's already on HBO. Knock at the Cabin? It's on Prime for free.

Oh, nice. Wait, what is it called? Knock at the Cabin. You know what else we need to watch? Sorry to... No, you're good. If you have any more review. Off topic. We need to watch Shane Gillis' stand-up. We, what is it called? Knock at the Cabin. You know what else we need to watch? Sorry to... No, you're good. If you have any more review. Off topic.

We need to watch Shane Gillis' stand-up. We haven't watched it yet. Oh, is that on Netflix? We haven't watched the whole thing. Yeah, I've seen a little bit. We haven't watched the whole thing. You watched 52 minutes of it. It's only 52 minutes long, so no, I didn't watch it.

But no, Knock at the Cabin, for the record, it's about the apocalypse. That's the only reason I brought it up. It's actually good. Okay. It's about the apocalypse apocalypse that's the only reason i brought it up it's actually good okay it's about the apocalypse well yeah so i'll give you the premise without ruining anything okay it's about these people this gay couple staying in a cabin with their oh i didn't see the thing for and this like group of like four people shows up and knocks on it and they're like freaking them the fuck out they're all carrying like massive like scythes and shit they're like we're not opening the door they break in and they claim that they had these visions where these are the only people that could prevent the apocalypse from happening through sacrificing one of them

and then shit starts going down where they start believing them and you really can't tell if it's manipulation or if it's real and it's a good it's a good fucking movie okay i wouldn't i wouldn't say to not watch it okay we are gonna count the size news that was news that was big news yeah that was news shamalan's back yeah new shamalan's back put it back we're gonna count the size still he's still he's still sub seven make a clip of just him saying sides yeah we were gonna count them how many sides are there, but I need to see at least two scythes for there to be that verbage. Because verbatim, they showed up with scythes and shit. I'm not even confident I can tell you what a scythe is. It's a Grim Reaper thing.

No, they show up with scythes. I'll back that up after you. No, they've got scythes. They've got scythes on deck. Okay, I trust that. I could trust that. If there's scythes in it, you should have just led with that that was a huge recall are you well rested uh yeah i i've not had an all-nighter in like almost three weeks sleep on that oh no we did one last weekend

almost eight days no that's that's a healthy it's not an all-nighter if you sleep all day or yeah that's true that's an all sleeper all if you sleep all day. Yeah, that's true. That's an all-sleeper. All-nighters stay up and then stay up. But if you go to bed at six and sleep till six, that's not an all-nighter. Oh yeah, John's so funny when he stays up all night. Yeah, I couldn't sleep for shit. I was just stuck up all day. It got to the point where it was like...

Oh yeah, I retract. Me and John had one last Friday too. Oh yeah, so almost a week. We've almost got a full weekend. I just have to alternate and hope neither of you talk about it i'd love to see a compilation of just how many times we fucking say that same thing just what that we haven't done it for a long time and then we just remember that we did it the day before so at least like once every three weeks i feel like yeah well it takes that long to forget how long it's been yeah Yeah. And to run it back. Yeah.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, we're going to take a quick break from the show. September is here, and I want to take a second to talk to you about self-care. When it comes to making an impression, proper grooming is essential to looking and feeling your best when you walk in a room. That's why the sponsors of today's show, Manscaped, are committed to helping men around the world walk and talk with some swagger this season with the best grooming tools on the market. What voice are you doing? What is that?

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Don't neglect your beautiful self and get right this fall with Manscaped. For the sleekest version of yourself manscaped has you covered from head to toe head to starting with their brand new uh-oh beard heads trimmer beard hedge trimmer so remember that's 15 is it 20 percent off 20 percent off in a free shipping shipping at the manscape.com code no fomo now we're back to the show all right so anyway um i know we touched base on the logan paul debacle last week but there's been some recent

developments uh andrew schultz comedic genius had him on his podcast immediately following the blow up at the the uh press conference of the debate whatever the fuck you want to call it and logan claims that um he had already known about anything that was true and anything exterior to that just simply wasn't true so there wasn't an official body count presented but he's claiming it's not even like a hundredth of what dylan danis is claiming so a hundredth and not even a hundredth well he's throwing out some numbers what's it what was his danis yeah i think it was like 60 or 70 yeah okay and he's like no we've talked about pretty much everyone and they're like oh man that must have been super embarrassing and then schultz is like what dicaprio right and he's like yeah that was pretty

fucking sick but like who are we believing at this point boys well she has no reason if she's got him in her corner lie lie till you die she has to lie in this scenario especially with the fight just coming up well okay so who's he gonna believe right he's cucked out he's he the troll who's he's fighting who he also claimed he doesn't even think will actually show up to the fight see that's a tough fight because he's done this before because the size difference is so yeah but here's my thing quit fucking boxing dude it's fucking lame if you're gonna do it do ufc or so i actually respect logan more than i respect jake because jake wants to be a boxer and he hasn't fought a fucking boxer logan is just he's overtly and outrightly claim that he's doing

this just for fucking clout like he fights him he does wwe wrestling like he's overtly and outrightly claim that he's doing this just for fucking clout like he fights and he does wwe wrestling like he's just doing this because it's entertaining he's not saying he said he wasn't even playing on taking a fight again in boxing until dylan danis started talking shit no but jake paul versus nate diaz jake paul versus nate robin this is different guys i'm talking about the other brother. Yeah, but I would say Jake Paul is kind of respectable, but it's not 100%. No, I'm saying Logan isn't even trying to be respectable. Jake's trying to be a boxer.

Yeah, but I'm saying Logan's a bitch. Like, you don't get to talk shit and then do like this boxing bullshit. No, like he wasn't even. Dylan was attacking him. Yeah, so back it up fucking step in the ufc that's exactly what i just said what do you mean that's why do you need to go into the ufc if you're both boxers why do you have to do something either because that other guy's not a boxer and i just think boxing's bitch isn't he a boxer i could have sworn he was a box dylan dennis now

dylan dennis is conor mcgregor's fucking like coach i mean yeah but he is he legitimately probably half the size of logan yeah logan's like six two could probably be i just think if you're gonna let yeah i agree with you on one part yeah fully like okay if you're not trying to be a boxer why fight some guy half your size strictly boxing when that's not what they do like if you if someone's talking shit challenge them to a fucking man fight with rules and gloves and whatever but it's a fucking fight right it's a brawl which is within ufc rules like would be considered a real man-to-man fight yeah no matter how you no matter like no matter what rules are involved that's a street brawl yeah it's octagon yeah i just think if you're gonna fight if you're gonna

be a full-grown ass man and be talking shit on the internet make it fucking like if you're gonna if you're gonna if you're gonna fucking chirp back at someone who's chirping at you and challenge them to a physical fight yeah and not just say let's take it to the fucking ground yeah it's bitch shit like it's not like if that fight goes to points i I will kill all of them. Well, it's all just... Nuke, like, if it goes to decision, I say nuke the entire arena. If... Yeah. Who's got my bait?

To play a light devil's... It's right here. To play a light devil's advocate, if someone's talking shit to me, and I know that the fight is going to be televised, I would pick a fighting thing that I'm good at and could win. Even if you're twice their size? Yeah, I'd want to make sure I could win. But you want to win on...

If I got choked out because I don't know how to fucking do UFC shit... Jay, someone's saying your girlfriend fucks 70 guys before you start dating her. And you want to beat them on points? You want them to hold your hand up and say, you won? No, I want to beat the living fuck out of you. If this scenario happened to me, I would fight them without it being televised. I would just be like.

See, that's man shit. That's what I'm saying. But if it has to be a televised event that I'm going to try and do, I'd try and pick something that I would win. Well, they're just trying to do it for money, obviously. But I will respect this. When I saw. You guys should watch this, honestly.

When I saw Logan on the. And I hate both the Paul brothers vehemently. Like, I wish them. Like, anytime they're in the ring, I hope both the Paul brothers vehemently. Like I wish them like anytime they're in the ring, I hope they die. I'm not even kidding. I'm not even kidding. I hope their head gets knocked off their body. But when I saw him on Schultz podcast, he was saying like what someone from Danis's team or, or Danis himself like texted Logan when he found out he was going to be on the Schultz podcast, which in new york and said you need to check in with it when you're in new york bitch and he's like checking with who he's like me motherfucker he goes text he's like i'm gonna text him the address right now when i'm

done with this podcast i hope this motherfucker pulls up and schultz was like yo yo we don't we're not trying to get involved in this he's like don't text him our studio address but like we'll we'll fucking come with you yeah we'll roll up but he was he was dead serious and like i don't know he i feel like he's mellowed out a lot and he but like he's not trying to take boxing seriously like jake is like if jake's trying to take boxing seriously he lost to the only boxer he's ever fought tommy fury who's a mid-tier boxer did he lose yeah i don't even remember and he's not and he's mid i the one thing i don't get about the pauls is that what their whole strategy is like making people hate them like they can't do it in like a cheeky way like when mcgregor was taking talking shit like it wasn't to make people hate him yeah he was to just talk shit like he was good at talking shit and you're like

oh fuck yeah i fuck with this guy. But every time the Pauls do it, it's just like, this guy's a fucking fool, dude. Well, the fact that even McGregor hates the Pauls is proof enough. Like, McGregor's the best shit talker of all time. He did it with, like, somewhat of, I wouldn't say class. I don't know what you'd define it as. But there was a line where it's like. He's a performer.

This is, yeah, this is a performer. He was good at it. But, like, the Pauls are like, let's look at your history here it's a joke yeah i just haven't fought anyone who's even been a professional boxer besides what floyd mayweather who was retired and also twice your age and you're also twice his size yeah come on bro i just want them to do something like that's genuinely respectable or good well i think just boxing is in such a bad place where it's hard to even find someone who would bring the numbers that they want when's the last when's the last boxing fight you were like that was sick that's what i'm saying can we stop

doing it it's so whack they themselves bring bigger numbers than the biggest boxer in the world right now who i couldn't even name i think it's tommy fury no i think it's ryan garcia no what's the big the big uh like oh whatever fury uh tyson fury yeah but that would be a bloodbath well yeah you know they're not that guy's like six seven well he's a heavyweight yeah well i'm just saying like even they pull more than him and that's like the only boxer that's what i'm saying and i didn't even know so i could see why they choose the people they do because it's obviously big ticket names but like they're not respectable

fighters in the current era like i'd love to see jake paul fight fucking izzy or anyone in the ufc and just get fucking raped yeah i just i just don't see even challenge even if you're gonna challenge someone who's not in boxing challenge someone who's not fucking retired challenge john bones jones to a boxing match i'd love to see that yeah wait speaking of him do you did you see the debate between him and or it's not between him and tyson fury but it was on joe rogan and joe rogan said when izzy was on rogan no i forget who was on but he was talking about how jones would destroy tyson fury and then tyson fury was like oh no i'd fucking who john bones jones yeah i mean if it's hard it's so hard to in what in boxing

that's what i'm saying um but john boxing it's different john is such a good boxer though he is but i mean like i'm pretty sure i just don't i'm i'm pretty sure that tyson guys six seven like fighting is huge fighting is the only thing where like people don't delineate like yes fighting as a group of a sport is a thing, but there's boxing, there's jiu-jitsu, there's all these different things. Obviously, UFC, the reason it's so successful is because it's MMA. It's a combination of all those things, but boxing's not in that. You can't say someone who's...

Because there's plenty of fucking UFC fightersc fighters who suck at boxing but they're ground and pound guys and they will fuck up anyone that's what i'm saying if it's an argument that's like saying uh lebron would beat uh like he's different though i think if you just sean watson that freehand coming like like yeah if you said if you said lebron was better than like megatron at being a receiver or a football or something it's like they don't play like yeah he could he could be if he trained his whole life but he's not because he actually could be but i think if you did if you put like lebron in the ufc i think it would be a problem but okay you give him two years if you put if you say if he anyone if

any athlete trained at another sport they'd probably be good at it but to say if i was just straight up to say lebron would be if you gave lebron someone who plays that sport at like this time it's like if you gave lebron champion in anything you gave lebron one year against john bones jones he's getting knocked out in 30 seconds oh yeah i guess my point is i think lebron james could be world champion no i think there's people who are if he did the sport yeah i'm not saying jake paul's not an athlete i'm not saying logan paul's not an athlete i think saying mcgregor could be the best boxer if he was a box no i'm yeah but i'm saying lebron james could do any sport yeah i think he is saying what you're saying he is a he is a pinnacle athlete he's the most physically superior human yeah in in our lifetime probably but to say that

he could just jump into the octagon with john bone jones and not get legitimately murdered oh no he would get he would get murdered now and that's not to say john bone jones couldn't have played power forward his whole life and fucked up and his brothers in that and he would get wrecked in football too yeah so i just don't i just don't think that's why i think this fighting thing is stupid it's like if you're gonna fight fight in the same sport yeah like it's those aren't the same boxing and ufc are not the same sport because some people's entire tactics are to get you to the ground and fucking choke you out not to sit there and go for points on it all day like you know why all this

shit started because they took away the show pros versus joes you ever watch that pros versus joes i remember it i remember the name they used to have professional athletes come in and compete in little like drills against regular people and they get fucking saw it's the funniest thing in the fucking world yeah they would just have like an old nfl running back come in and just run people over and like a i do remember this they had like an oak they would just do they had like ricky williams after he got banned from the NFL. Yeah, he just truck sticks people and all these guys are in there talking shit

because they're literally like thinking like, oh dude, I'm good at every sport. Morgan would have been on that show. Yeah, oh, you would have sold me in there. I have a shot. Exactly. Exactly why you would have been on the show. You give me six months, I have a shot.

You're not giving me six months. I bet you every one of those guys had the exact same thing. Yeah, but I'm built differently. Exactly. We should bring it back. Conversations over. I'm built differently built different okay but anyways back to the the girl part of that the um what was that girl part of that yeah it was logan very beginning yeah logan paul's girl thing oh yeah we went on a tangent what fuck what was i what was i thinking about that we were saying whose side are we on here who do you believe

not her well i definitely don't believe dylanis. You can't believe him either, though. He doesn't know anything. Okay, Logan's kind of point was, yeah, there's people that he's already discussed with her that she's dated in the past. He knows about. But he was just posting any pictures she's ever taken with anyone and saying, oh, I have proof that they fucked. But he's yet to provide any proof. Okay, but that's funny as fuck. No, he literally got to the point where he said i respect his troll yeah it's funny as fuck but i would i would argue okay even if okay she has personal pictures like just hanging out

with some of these people i would say even if at a fucking hollywood party no like the one with fucking jaw rule that's why i was literally just gonna say that wasn't that at his house they got fucking probably a fucking house party yeah okay but anyways even if she just kissed those people i don't know whether or not it happened i would say i'm still out well that's not what we have evidence of we have a picture we have a picture of them together i take it i take that evidence okay okay but okay if i prove, or if she said that she made out with riffraff jaw rule, I'm out. No, but that's, that's, you're taking, you're, you're already taking a side without even like hearing the point. What if, no, what if she said that?

I don't know. What if she already said, what if she already told him that? And then I'll like, there's no, I'm saying there's, they're not even pictures of kissing. It's like a fucking, if you're, if you're a, yeah, I know. It's like if you met Shaq, like if you're a, yeah, I know. It's like if you met Shaq, like if you're a young, I'd kiss him. If you're a young up and coming supermodel,

yeah, you're going to take a picture with fucking riffraff. Maybe you're kissing him on the cheek. Who gives a fuck? It's a fucking clout race. No, I'm saying if I'm Logan and I'm talking to her about it and she's like, no,

we just like made out or something. I'm still out. No, I'm saying I don't even think it's that far. I'm saying, I'm giving you a hypothetical. You have to know what I'm saying. The, the, the, the facts of the scenario where he said, like, I heard Logan talking about it.

He's like, these are all, like, bullshit. Why'd you pick Riff Raff and Ja Rule? Because they're the worst ones on the list. So anyone else? Like DiCaprio, it's like you could have told me he fucking threw her head through a wall. Yeah, where do we draw the line? DiCaprio? Okay, if DiCaprio threw her head through a wall, then I'm out.

Really? What about Tobey Maguire? If he threw her head through a wall, then yeah. I'd be fired What about Tobey Maguire? If he threw her head through a wall, then yeah. I'd be fired up. Tobey Maguire. Tobey Maguire, I'm in. Morgan Freeman. So you're saying you'd rather...

Morgan Freeman? I'm just giving you IMGs. You just tell me. Morgan Freeman. I'm still in. I'm going to make this as vague as possible because this has nothing to do with anyone's scenario. I'm out.

That's out? I'm being vague. So you'd rather... No. Mr. Rogers. no rogers huh mr rogers well you let me fucking will you stop saying these are good you'd rather this is i'm being vague this has nothing this is not a personal attack on anyone you'd rather hear that your chick got clapped by like maybe like four or five guys in college then just hearing exclusively that leonardo dicaprio blew her back out to bits i don't love that no my argument was if she made out with riffraff i'm out no i just i just said leonardo dicaprio threw her head through a wall

and he said i'm out you did if he actually threw her if he fucked her and put her head through a wall then i'm out dude he's fucking harder than me what if the walls were thin he has thick walls we know this yeah it's leo dude no he's in like a you think that's not a marble wall he's in a trailer on a shoot okay okay then he's fucking her different i'm out yeah that's i can't live up to that you should be out but how do you not know fucking brad from fucking fi cap didn't blow her back out just because good. Because I know Brad from Phi Cap. I used to be Brad from Phi Cap. I just think just because they're celebrities doesn't make it any gnarlier. Unless it's some scum like Ja Rule or Riff Raff. I got another one.

There's plenty of guys that... Steve Irwin. Is that the fucking crocodile hunter? Well, he got his chest blown out. Steve Irwin. Steve Irwin clapped?apped yeah he wrestled her like an alligator i'd be i'd be out i'd be in i'd rather leo fucker he like pinned one leg while he's fucking well here's head like my angle is at least like clamped her mouth shut like my angle is at least leo's like the best looking guy on the planet yeah i could accept that unless the head is through a wall okay head bounces off a wall he tried to throw it we're just talking bounce here she's concussed dribbled her he just dribbled he's like okay i'm in as long as the head doesn't break

the surface if it doesn't okay i'm not saying he fucks her better than you i'm just saying i'd be way more upset hearing like some fucking accountant fuck Fuck my chick. Then Leonardo DiCaprio. Okay. Fair. Right now. Cause here's a, here's a counterpoint to that. Some accountant guy doesn't have a face that I'm going to see in movies.

Yeah. Yeah. But at least imagine the next, the next, I will look at the next Revenant comes out and you're like, I can't even watch it. Yeah. He was blowing her back.

I would look at that with reverence. Like, God damn. Now I can never watch Interstellar again. Yeah dude if you're banging the same chick as leonardo dicaprio it's not even in that i think it would give me elite confidence but still i couldn't watch it would that not give you elite confidence knowing that you could bag the same chick as leonardo dicaprio nag is different than date no i don't know all right shout out leo i got a good one i'm just saying there's plenty of scenarios we don't know. All right. Shout out Leo. I got a good one.

I'm just saying there's plenty of scenarios we don't know about because we don't care to ask about in girls' lives that are far less cool than banging the same thing as Leonardo DiCaprio. How about this? It's McConaughey. But he got her to do the voice when, like the, all right, all right. She did that when he was fucking her. Okay, now I'm not. I know he does that every time. every time no she did it i know like he's married with three kids

she was getting plowed to our that he she was like all right all right all right i know he's done that yeah no the worst part is she did that like instinctively with you oh oh yeah oh she did a callback see yeah what if okay so you're all you're blasting you're all in on the leo thing you're all in on the Leo thing. You're all in on the Leo. Then she starts mid... Like, you're going down on her. She just starts a monologue from Inception. I'm in.

It's my favorite movie. I'll start... She dreams within a dreams you, babe. I'll start saying the same words. I know every word from that. She starts spinning a top when you're fucking her. I'm in. Good.

Because that fucker keeps spinning. It does. That's on paper. All right. But good good news but um okay so the last that was really good news i told you i have news that all stemmed from the look okay see i told you i had at least that was good dude he's got it he's i'm the news guy this week with the news what do you got um so this one's from our dear best friend austin gale do you remember remember this? Oh, in the chat? What's the public opinion on getting milked? Okay.

So we have to give some context on this. Can we play the, can we play the voice recording? I'll, I'll play it right now. If you could pull that up. Does it save that long? Ooh. I mean, I have iMessage. Yeah.

He keeps them. And I saved it. He keeps them. I saved the fuck out of that. What's that? What's that Jack called? Something bad it's some drugs I think drug money. Hold on. Give me this even if we had to cut this it's a Street is it street me delete Oh street meat elite is the group

It's not that oh, that's that's just a gangbangers. Oh, yeahangers oh yeah it is gangbangers yeah wait i'm not in one called street need elite oh that'd be a fun thing to do fucking group chat names no that would be too hurtful yeah just hearing all that like i couldn't handle that gangbangers isn't coming through either. No? It's something else. It's like... I'm just going to search Gale. There you go.

Nice. This guy's firing. It's called Legs. Legs. That's Legs. Or Senders. Senders. It's that one.

It's that one. Oh, yep. Here it is. Okay. I'm going to play this for the people. Real close. We've got a call-in from Austin. Are you checking in?

Question for the No FOMO podcast. Others can weigh in. What is the current collective opinion among males of getting milked? Obviously, you have your standard hand job, but I see some of these pornos, these guys on hands and knees getting milked. Maybe a little tongue in the ass. They say, hey, is it sick? I'm looking for the consensus. Thanks.

Thank you Austin Gale. Thanks AJ. Our absolute tried and true best friends in the world. Okay, so what is the consensus? So getting milked is like almost like you're... To say it... So getting milk is like almost like you're... We need to do this summit on milking. Say there's even a consensus. Like anyone knows what we're talking about is obscene.

No, there's people on either side, but the group majority is. Yeah. So for anybody that doesn't know what it is it's when you're standing up and it's like one or more people are feverishly trying to make you come it's like milking you like a cow yeah they're milking you like you're not just getting sucked off you're not just getting beat off it's you're getting milked it's not about the act it's about the result yeah yeah um is it gay no that was one of the questions i'm gonna say no it's no well i know is it straight no i i mean if a girl's milking you i don't think it's is are we talking cow noises like what do we got going do i have to move see i just don't think any of us have ever heard of the act of milking

until he brought this question no i've been there i do i do milking but uh for them yeah beef jerky milking no no no titty milking i mean i go don't get me wrong i go baby wants his baba every day i was just gonna say baba yeah yeah but what's the general consensus on it uh you know what we might have to make a poll out of this i don't know if we're yeah i don't i could put this on the podcast on spotify and have people put a poll i could i don't think there's a scenario where put the poll a one-on-one scenario, girls jerking you off, whether you call it milking or a handjob,

that it could be gay. Okay, it's not gay. Here we go. Blind ranking. Girl walks up to you at the bar. She says, I want to give you a blowjob. Cool. One. Oh, we're doing one to five? Wait, what? One is worse? We'll do three. One is worse or three is worse? Three. One's the best. One. Oh, we're doing one to five? Wait, what? One is worse? We'll do three. We'll do three? One is worse or three is worse?

Three. One's the best. Three. A girl walks up to you in the bar and she says, I want to give you a handy. Two. Two. Now a girl walks up to you in the bar and says, I want to milk you like a cow. Number one.

Number zero. I think we did it. Point zero, zero, zero. It's pretty easy when you think about that. I mean, if a girl ever walks up to me and said, I want to milk you. It gets better the more difficult it is for them to do. I think I just found the golden goose of the point. What's the purpose of milking a cow?

To drink the milk, right? Yeah. If a girl wants to milk me, there's something behind that. Okay, yeah. Because you can fuck a girl. You can. I've heard that. And she'll only let you come on her belly. I've heard that's possible behind that. Okay. Yeah. Cause you can, you can fuck a girl. You can. I've heard that. And she'll only let you come on her,

on her, on her belly. I heard that's possible. Yeah. But if a girl, some people have done it. If a girl has to milk you, there's some sick shit behind that.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen for tuning into the next episode of the phone with hot gas. Make sure to vote. Make sure to vote. Yeah. I'll put that poll on it. Put that in the poll. Um,

it's been a fun one. Expect many more, more fun ones.