NO FOMO - 60. Intrusive Thoughts

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

🔔 Subscribe & Follow: ⁠https://linktr.ee/nofomopod⁠ 🎽 Merch: ⁠https://www.bonfire.com/store/no-fomo/⁠ Welcome Back Fomosapiens. This week we talk Swarmy, Gay Intrusive Thoughts, and getting aborted. Let's Evolve Together, NO FOMO. Support the Podcast: Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code NOFOMO at MANSCAPED.com!

Ayyyy, do do do Are we ready daddy? I think we're ready as shit Gary Berry? Wait I'm... Gary Bear? Are you stumbling upon something? I might be

Dude, it is blue as shit Why are you so sad, Jay? Blue ain't your color I'm blue I would suck off ten guys Come on now I'm blue, I'ma suck off ten guys Na-ba-dee-ah-ba-day

I'ma suck off ten guys Oh, that hits different. We're on 60 here. 60. Sick zero. How old I feel right now? Oh, yeah, you're sicky-poo, huh? Yeah, I'm a little sicky-poo.

How'd that happen, dude? One of the people at the wedding I was on and was staying in a house with my aunt was sick all week. Jesus Christ. Yeah, so. Redo COVID. My sister got sick, too. Patient zero. It doesn't feel like COVID. It's a very light head. It looks like COVID. Yeah. So redo COVID. My sister got sick too. Patient zero. It doesn't feel like COVID.

It's a very light head. It looks like COVID. Yeah. It looks like cancer. It looks like post chemo. Yeah. So Garrett's in chemo for the 30th year. I'm not 30.

For the 21st year. For the ninth time. It's the 30th round. Yeah. 30th round. The ninth year of 21. Yep. Speaking of age age you're old i'm the youngest of all you look old do that i'm looks older younger than all of you look older than all of us combined why did you even do that i'm currently a year young you just you body bagged

us on on so many levels yeah we're older than you're both 29 and he looks like a child 28 no he's in chemo child of the corn i i am younger and i look younger than both you look like you only eat fucking corn yeah well you look like you look like he looks like he eats corn meal sounds like a healthy diet that's what the uh ancient indians used to survive off so but um jay you need to you can't just show up with the ski mask why not you can't show up to work in a ski mask this is hr he just got back with a ski mask? Why not? You can't show up to work in a ski mask. This is HR. He just got back from a Target. What are you talking about?

Yeah, I just got done. He just got done grocery shopping. Walmart was lit. You can't help but have buck teeth with that thing on. It's incredible. The little chipmunk teeth are incredible. That guy's fucking out there, isn't he? Yeah.

I love it. I hope so. Yeah, that fucking little shit monkey. They're incredible that guy's fucking out there isn't he yeah? That one interview These clips are gonna be gold it's just gonna be like two normal But I will say this has a limited life on it because it's hotter than all shit. Yeah, it heated up really fucking quick. We turned that air off. It dropped 10 degrees almost instantly. Yeah. And it was barely doing anything. It dropped 10 degrees.

It got colder. It's actually colder. It dropped and it went in a worse direction. It feels hotter, but it's way colder. Yeah. Last episode before spooky season officially kicks off, even though I feel like it has. Are we doing spooky? I was spooked up, dude.

Wait, have we fallen down yet? It's fall right now, right? No. Yeah. It's the 21st. Yeah, we just got fucking pumpkin wine, dude. It's on. Yeah, okay, yeah.

Pumpkin wine. I don't know. What is the official? 21st, I think. I think it goes by the Starbucks when they come out with the pumpkin spice again. That was September 1st. Oh, I got a two-for-one PSA. I got a two-for-one fucking PSL, dude.

Oh, dude, you're fucking sick as shit. Dude, people have been talking shit about you, but I got your back right now. That's lit. Two-for-one pumpkin spice? PSL's there. That's lit. Two for one pumpkin spice? PSL's fat, too. Do they do anything else pumpkin spice? Does that stand for penis sucking lips? Yes.

Sick. Do they do anything else? Like, do I have to get a latte? Anything with, like, pumpkin or spice. No, it's anything that's of the season. So you could get, like, oh, fucking pumpkin oat milk. Oh. Super special drink.

Eat shit. A double pump of pumpkin. You could get a double, double fucking pumpkin oat milk. Oh, it's a special drink. Eat shit. A double double pump of pumpkin. You could get a double double. What's the deal? You get it's two for one, at least when I went. Or maybe I just looked very in season. I don't know. It's two for one.

You look spooky after like noon or 1 p.m. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's all a fault. Or it's like two for 250, whatever weird thing they do these days. I think it is two for one after noon or something. Or it could be Tuesday. After whatever time you should not be drinking fucking coffee again. Absolutely.

Sure you want to? Fuck you. Oh, this is going to be a quick one. You have to keep it on now or else you're... I'll keep it on for a little bit longer and then we'll fill it out. Garrett, I don't know if you have news this week. I have a little bit of news, but you seem like you got something well this is the biggest news i have a poem too let's save that i want to i don't want to get too razzled up that

quickly i want to i don't want to be bricked up for the rest of the pot after you poem me down um biggest news of the week by far taylor swift yes travis putting travis kelsey on the map putting travis okay this is the thing with this we've known about the swift army yes the army the the swarm this the swarm is that what it's called it should be the swift army knives i like that that also works with swarm too yeah uh the swift entry swift entry maybe How about swifter key the Swift our key Swift our key like the anarchy? Yeah, you're so good Okay, I've known about them I've known that they do crazy things that they're a rabid fan base of just craziness

It's never crossed over into anything that i even remotely give a fuck about or paid attention to or pay attention to it's not it's always some fucking these people are fucking nuts are you getting into the statue well let me guess you saw a girl with hella ass out of no no i'm not into the switch i'm just amazed that her fan base is this crazy and i'm sure i'm late to the game on it but like i was saying it's just never i've never given a flying fuck, but now it's they've got They okay. These are the notes that I took on the things that they've done so far So he's been dating her for confirmed like four days at this point four days like since the game was like they're coming

Yes. Yeah, so she went to the game and she was in the box They have gone through every piece of media that he's ever been in ever in his entire life. One of them, they found a practice fight that he was in and they're calling for assault charges and they're all stro. They're also worried that Taylor Swift should get a fucking restrainer or restraining order so that he doesn't beat her.

Oh, from a practice football fight. They're maniacs. And then they found an interview one time where he did a fuck, marry, kill and she was in it. All his mom? And he picked her as the fuck, not the marry. So they're like, oh, it's what it's meant to be.

And this is like 10 years ago. Well, she hasn't let him fuck yet, so he's still trying. Do you think he's fucked? After four days? No, dude. Well, they've been officially dating for four days. They were kind of under the radar, rumored for a couple weeks. And he was in his podcast. He was saying how after the game, they slipped away in their getaway vehicle. And he said it all like, ooh, we snuck off to do our thing, kind of.

Oh, so along with the sneaking away, there was like a thousand people outside of her box at the game. Which box? The football box. She was in the Kelsey family box. So there's like a thousand people just standing out there because they probably didn't even go to the game for football. They're just standing out there. Yeah, where's Swift?

I'm the swarmy. They had to sneak her out in a popcorn machine. They had to sneak her in a popcorn machine? They had to sneak her out in a popcorn machine they had to sneak her in a popcorn they had to sneak her out in a popcorn that's a real video shut the fuck up in a popcorn machine and there's like 10 people are like yeah she's in there they stuck her in a popcorn machine that's incredible when she like storing from inside of it like well there was there was workers who were like yeah that's that's that's taylor swift in this popcorn box that's incredible there goes tay, and she's in that popcorn thing. She doesn't just have enough security to... She gets swarmed like that anywhere she goes.

Yeah, it's a swarmy... But I'm sure their security is still... You're just going to get swarmed no matter what. That's true. I guess she's usually also in a place where she could probably slip out the back door somewhere. If you're in a box... She's in a stadium.

She has to make her way out. It's a swarmy of people. I want to know this. How many people do you think are going to learn football because of this? Just so that they can know how good of a boyfriend

Travis Kelsey is for Taylor Swift. His jersey sales are up 400%. 400% jersey sales yeah really there's going to be a ton of women learning football because this did you see that did you see the thing that she had a cheat sheet did she there's a picture of a cheat sheet for the game of when she should cheer and what's good no now you're making things who would have taken a

picture of that i'm just dude i'm just reporting the news that's made up this is the news with Jay is this good? apparently the Chiefs Bears I mean Chiefs games probably would draw a large crowd but they're playing the Bears god awful, it was the most watched game of the week 24 million viewers and then on top of that the viewership for that game

increased 63% with women, just for that game increased a 63% increase with women just for that game. How do they know that? I'm sure they just polled like a certain amount of women. Maybe. And then they say, hey, did you watch this week's game before? No. Did you watch this week's game?

Yes. How do they know that? They don't know that. Which games did you watch? The one with Taylor Swift. Travis Kelsey got 350,000 more new Instagram followers. Oh, yeah. so that's how we know how many it is it's that many dude the videos of people seeing that he's like officially

dating her like girls reacting is the most unreal shit i've ever seen in my life because they like actually give a whole like whole actual fuck it's literally just like showing the article that shows they're dating and goes they're just they're screaming again for the cam dude please come on i need the clip that's i did it for the cam one more time no i'm not doing it again it's say fuck you or something fuck you oh just because i need that some other fun stats on that travis and or yeah travis and jason kelsey's podcast went to number one on apple the next week after that oh Oh dude, they, I'm sure they scoured through every single thing.

Yeah. Oh, they're trying to bring him down. And then interest in chiefs tickets for the rest of the season were viewed like triple the, the amount they were the week before. Cause girls are probably gonna want to go to the game just to see Taylor in the box.

Yeah. They think she's going to be there every game. Oh, she probably will. Dude, that's fucking crazy. She just finished that massive tour. She's probably off for,

I just had no idea. She was that fucking big dude she's the biggest artist on earth i know but it's never it's never crossed over i've never gotten to witness it i guess our fans are like that crazy i gotta do it for listening to us every fucking week that's fair they're equally crazy there's not as many of them yeah dude if we were in a box somewhere in somebody's box somewhere we were stuffed up in were in a box somewhere, in somebody's box somewhere. If we were stuffed up in someone's box. If we were up in somebody's box, you know how crazy they'd be? Dude, if you're not in a box, what are you doing? He's in a piece of popcorn.

You have to go fucking. He's on his way. He's in that soda right there. If I had a dollar for every time I had to sneak you guys out in a corndog machine. Garrett's in between two fucking buns. They're just fucking carrying his ass out. How gnarly will it be for the hatred that he will receive if they ever break up?

I think he's going to go down. Oh, he's definitely going to go down. They don't want him. No. Think about it. What is Taylor Swift known for? Eating and chewing up and spitting out. Breakup songs.

Yeah. Oh, it's going to be huge. He's going to hit her, dude. If you're a taylor swift fan what do you want for the next album so do you want to do you want to hear about how happy she is you want to hear songs about oh i'm in love and i love him and i love you want to hear about i hate him and i'm angry they're gonna be i can't wait Holy shit I cannot wait For the

They break up The next hit song Is gonna have so many Football references in it He was on the 20 Would be lit If Chiefs made it to the Super Bowl She was supposed to do

The Super Bowl This year Probably be the first time That's ever happened Definitely What are the odds Of that happening Guy playing

And girlfriend performing That's a first but she turned it down power cup i guarantee she she like if they are looking like they're gonna make it or if they're even still dating she's gonna cameo with us sure because who was supposed to play and they got canceled i think it was lizzo i swear to god it was supposed to be lizzo and she got canceled basically yeah so then they offered a taylor's coach and she turned it down but i bet she'll take it if they're still in the running. Dude, if Lizzo is playing all the linemen.

I think Usher just signed officially. Oh, really? I bet she'll come out. Dude, if Lizzo is playing, that would be the first ever Super Bowl thing that all the linemen are just like, yo. All of them are like, yo, can we skip the halftime? We need to go check this out. Dude, I'm about to say what's up after this. Maybe the first time a halftime performer has suited up to play O-line in the second half.

She's fucking in. We got Lizzo at center. The first time a player on the field performed. And she's got stats too. Yeah, five sacks going in the halftime. Five sacks on offense. She's on playing both sides. Yeah, no, she's playing both ways.

If Lizzo's on the team, you think you're going to waste her on one side of the field? Both sides, yeah. Nose tackle nose tackle and center nose tackle center running back running back try to bring that down quarterback are you gonna tackle her by the way have you seen a video of the the bbl basketball league where the lady fucking bust her knee oh yes she snapped her leg have you seen that it's one of the best videos of all time it's just bbo i'm pretty sure it's literally called like a beat the BBL basketball Yeah, it's all these ladies with obvious fake asses and one of them just like drip. They're all terrible They're I slap in the ball and she just fucking I don't know shit. She literally like snapped her leg

Oh, yeah, like I don't think it was her knee like she snapped her leg. She's gonna be on a fucking Yeah, like a hobble foot. She's had way too much weight like me went Knee went backwards with it or what? No. Toes touched upper thigh, like front thigh. So the knee went fucking reverse. What's up with it? She snapped the fucking something. Hyperextend knee.

Frontwards. And it fucking bent up? Like say what's up? Mm-hmm. Well, she's got that BBL, so much weight on it, dude. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Not designed for that much load bearing.

Mm-hmm. Oh, it's not that's so many loads you can't get they got lower bone density yeah oh that's good shit but that was my big news it just had to be talked about that was good there's some crazy people out there i've got i've got a conspiracy but i don't i don't know if we want to jump right into it no absolutely dude you're getting us with all this poem conspiracy come at us okay so he has a poem is it a poem conspiracy huh no it's not okay no i i it was a poem about spooky season but i just i don't know read it read it read the poem read the poem read the poem read the poem you gotta do it now no it was it was

i just had chat gpt ready it's not read it i wanted to open he's been working on it for hours i wanted to open this the episode with it read it it's actually kind of good so it's not read it i wanted to open he's been working on it for hours i wanted to open this the episode with it read it it's actually kind of good so it's not even funny read it it's just a good poem just read it it's also way too long give me he wrote this this was not shot gpt no i could show you it's gonna say by garibald well i don't i just thought the race is it i just thought the first line was funny because you'll enjoy this. The moon, a pale ghost in the night's abyss, cast shadows long where mysteries persist. In haunted houses and cornfields wide,

ghosts and goblins begin their eerie stride. Is it more? Don't stop. It's long. Don't stop. Pumpkins carved with faces aglow, their flickering eyes in the darkness they show. A spectral dance of leaves in the breeze as

whispers of legends rustle through the trees. Go orange for this. The air grows cold, the nights grow long as the spirits emerge with their spectral song. Spectral dawn. In the heart of October where magic abounds spooky season enchants with its haunting sounds. So embrace

the chill, the shadows, the night. In spooky seasons embrace, it's quite a sight. For in the shadows, the night. In spooky seasons, embrace. It's quite a sight. For in the world of ghosts and dreams, spooky seasons, magic forever gleams. Wow.

That doesn't get you gassed up for a little spook. It gets me gassed up, but it also makes me think how fucking gay you have to be to write poems. You have to want ass now. Yeah, no, that wasn't too long. That wasn't in my notes.

That was a chat GBT. Out of all the ways there is to get pussy. At some point in time, the 1700s, they're like, we need to write more. Dude, but I'm just saying, that can't be your first choice, right? Like, you're out there, single dude. You try 10 other things before you try writing poetry, right? Or if you go straight to poetry no it's it's fun when no one else knows how to fucking write though like you start throwing in words like doth and half like and where doth art thou

where doth that ass poets were probably getting mad clam back in the days when that was like the coolest thing but now it's like if you're gonna do i think wenches didn't even know how to fucking understand what they're saying back then that's why they're probably just you're over they were so enamored by it they're like whoa i don't even know think about your like town poet how ass he was compared to like fucking shakespeare back then yeah but you didn't know that that's what i'm saying you could just fucking be out there you have three rhymes that guy was banging everyone's wife it's like the first cape man that learned how to fucking talk or something like guys getting ass somehow the first cape man to learn how to talk yeah he's like yo come back to my place and they're like yeah he's the only

guy that can say come back what if that's how book club started some fucking poet would just swindle all the wives into a house one like one night a week and just fucking like oh we're going to book club church. Yeah, it's church true started. Yes, another spiritual language half dots. Yeah, Lord is ye Where art art thou? Yeah, Jesus Christ snow. All right, so this is a this is it the poem we get on the poem So this is a hold on no, no You're just gonna do a poem what sequence of thoughts had to happen in a row? Wait a second, yeah. I wanted to come up with a fun little spooky season thing

to kick off the episode. And you typed fun little spooky season thing? No, I said write me a poem about spooky season. I'm going to pull up ChatGPP. I thought it would be fun to have a cute little poem to start the episode, and you guys just jumped right in. No, I loved it would be fun to have a cute little poem to start the episode, and you guys just jumped right in. No, I loved it. Write me a poem about how spooky my boy's cock is.

Oh, they can't do it. Oh, it's not doing it. Okay, I'll do it. My boy's pen. My boy's pen. Just do cock. We'll just replace. Poem about how spooky my boy's pen my boy's pen is yeah

very nice okay oh it still knows it knows it knows it's smarter it gets pen is it said i understand you'd like a poem it's understanding it's understanding it's understanding it gets it it gets us um but i cannot generate explicit or inappropriate content which is bullshit did you put a space yeah pen is i put a space okay let me try something else about a spooky pen that my boy owns okay we're gonna find a way around this is good podcast and then it writes one with penis in it. My boy's got a thick chubby cock. It knows. How about how spooky my boy's chicken is? Pumpkin.

Because then it'll give us just any word. Word it the right way. Okay. Word it the way I said. Pumpkin is. It's way too long. Yeah, no, it went all in on mine i skipped like four stands okay i'm just gonna pick this stanza here um for pumpkins like yours so spooky and bold are treasures of autumn worth more than gold insert penis okay they remind us of tales and folklore's charms as we gather round safe in each other's arms.

On each other's cocks. On each other's cocks. Yeah, I like that. Okay, good. Should we write gay poetry? Dude, we need to get into the sus... We've been talking about sus rap. Well, so you know that guy that we worship? Yeah, what's his name again? Well, I didn't know his country one is dixon dallas dixon doubt

he has a million monthly listeners on spotify this guy's right yeah no he absolutely rips and his other project which is like the pop punk one is like fucking the red was actually kind of has a couple hundred thousand monthly so this guy's just making an absolute living off of sus songs they're actually fire i think i think we should go with more of like a sus, because I don't know if we could write, I guess you guys could. You guys make music, don't you? Yeah.

You guys could make a full song. I was thinking more of like a sus Weird Al. Yeah. Oh, like parodies. Yeah. We are good at that. We do that every day. That's what I'm saying.

We wake up every morning and it comes right to us. What was today's song? Wonderwall?wall wonderwall wonderwall we were ripping today um we also got you're my dick and bone yes exactly it's so easy we were going ham it's too easy to do that we can we do side project yeah uh if it was like by all three of us too yeah that's what i'm saying you guys you guys uh write and produce and i'll lyricize yeah okay a chance for us to really come together you know i just feel left out on the music joint forces that's possible it's a chance for me to just really be in there to shine yeah yeah we could do that and i'll write the gayest shit dude i promise you promise i promise okay as long as you promise. I know for a fact.

So poetry's fucking lit. Okay, yeah. In the news, poetry's up 400%. Is this water? Is this water? We're good? I don't know what... I've got a couple of just little things. I've got a bunch of those. I came up with my own entire conspiracy today, and I want the boys

to elaborate on this with me. Okay, go for go for I was gonna bring it up. Yeah, so This day stemmed from the news that Target is closing nine stores in four major cities Two of them being in California. Mm-hmm Mostly because of this new law right? Yeah that you can pretty much fucking steal shit everywhere. It says the law Are you gonna give the law? fucking steel shit everywhere it says the law are you going to give the law well we've we've talked about it before but you can this is only in california specifically but you can not be charged for theft for anything under 950 yes okay but other states have similar laws so they are calling them like targeted organizational like thievery operations, basically.

Organized thieving operations. People are just going into ransacking. They're called totes. Toters. Yeah, they're totes. They're like every major city right now. So I have a conspiracy that Amazon somehow lobbied local governments into doing this to shut down retail stores across the country. I already love it.

Entirely. I already love it so much. You can only order shit online because it's just gotten to the point where CVS closed all their stores in San Francisco. I already love it. This is the best conspiracy I've heard in a while. There's already millions of dollars.

Yeah. Target's shutting down nine of its stores in four major cities. Yes. They're toppling. So what you're saying essentially is Bezos girl bossed the industry. He girl bossed the industry. He girl bossed the industry.

Into just saying. They're just wumpy retail stores. Yeah. Oh, go ahead and try and buy. Well, and yes. I think that's it. Imagine Target's gone, right? People aren't going to go to Target.com to buy shit.

They're going to go to Amazon. No, I've never gone to Target.com in my life. You just go to Target. And Target and Walmart are the only other places that it makes sense to buy anything. Exactly. I'm going to go to Target.com. And what places are getting absolutely ransacked the most?

Those two places. Dude, I went to Target. Was it Walmart? I went to Walmart the other day. They had a $9.99 thing behind the fucking tag that you have to get someone to open up the thing for you. Really? They have locked up stuff for line tags. It's over ten dollars it was no it was just like i don't know what the price was

because there was things that were like it was only like it was that cheap and they still it was nine dollars it depends on the uh like it was the item yeah so it was in electronics electronics uh like razors or self-care stuff is all locked up. But you could still walk out and smash the box. Like it's in a plastic box. Oh, you could do whatever you want. Well, no. Oh, no. This is the other part.

Why was I wearing this mask? I was at CVS and the batteries were on it. And then I just go and just rip it off. I just go to take it off and I just ripped through it because batteries, the things are made out of just cardboard. Oh, it was locked on the like. Yeah, I didn't even notice it was locked on the like oh yeah i didn't even notice it was locked and i just grabbed it and took it right off and i was like oh shit it was fucking locked on there oh my god yeah it's classic but no that i think yeah because target.com

is ass so some sort of elaborate like lobbying plot or something is is putting this into effect it's not even that elaborate like how much more is fucking amazon worth more than target it's just got to be worth more and they'll do it well yeah i mean i i would say that target is cheap but the cheapness compared to just it's not cheap down to can you wait a day can you wait one day and for me it's usually you can get everything on amazon for the same or less yeah but can you wait a day like do you need it it comes down to do you need it right this minute yeah that's why like home depot and that kind of shit is still in business because like i need well think about how much if there was no retail stores how much more money they would make where they could do same day on almost everything and you know what amazon wants because they're just making that much money to where they could be like yeah we'll deliver it in three hours

yeah literally you know how we you know how we check this as as soon as as soon as either of the two go out of business we see who buys the fucking location like if amazon buys it as a warehouse oh my god you know like if they have a warehouse i'm writing it down that'd be that'd be perfect you're getting it today every time because you could get today's shipping now. So should I type in track Amazon warehouse purchases? Yeah, nine months from now. Nine months reminder. Let this baby breed.

Let that really fucking sublimate. Sublimate. Similar to coagulate. Nine months from now. That's going at the top of my list of future reminders. Yeah, I could bet that'll be a thing. I mean, yeah. That's not even, first of all,

did you come up with that yourself? No, he didn't. No, he didn't. Did you see a tweet of a TikTok or something? No, he saw something on accident forgot about it then his subconscious like you're hella smart no i swear my life all i did was screenshot all i did all i did was screenshot this what was it just the the instagram story that i saw okay and you and i literally just made it that yourself i i just

came up with that you fold your mate i'm sure i'm not the only person to have thought of something like that but no i don't shortchange yourself. Yeah. Yes, you are. Yeah. You're at the front lines. I am. You're in the trenches.

I'm in the trenches. You're out here fighting. This is a huge moment. I might get murdered for this. First of all, if you do get murdered... We know who did it. I want your body next to me. We know why, and we know...

Lays us. Conspiracy. If he gets murdered... Conspiracy proved. If he gets murdered, it's true. That might be the easiest way to to confirm a conspiracy if someone says something and then dies no because i haven't died yet well that's what that's how we know none of yours are real i know i know no i mean that happens all

the fucking time though you're like okay well that was for sure real no there's some crazy alex jones would be fucking no i guess he's always wrong too no he's no he's right he's actually weird okay he should be dead then if anyone I feel like he they let him be real because no one believes you don't know he has literally dug his own grave or yeah no one believes in the Sandy Hook one he went too far in it yeah I can't believe he could as he did that how could you not think of the angle that hey i look crazy that what do you mean that's that's why he's so big i look and sound crazy but also if you just give us facts without yelling at us is he only crazy because he's been right for so long and no one listens to him no he's crazy because he's loud and obnoxious

when's that yeah his presentation is bad i always want him to be right no but he's we've always we've only seen him since he's gotten super popular and you only see like the viral crazy clips like yeah He's been doing this shit for like 20 years Yeah, and maybe he's just been right so many times and no one listen to has he ever been wrong. Yes. Yeah Fuck yeah, but he's been right on some big ass shit. Yeah, like the frogs. Yeah, they're turning No, that was when he's right on. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What is it the chemicals that are going in the water or something? Yeah, it's increasing our estrogen level. Yeah, they're turning people. No, that was when he's right on. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What is it? The chemicals that are going in the water or something?

Yeah. It's increasing our estrogen level. Yeah. Boom. But saying it's turning the frogs gay versus. That's clicks, baby. The water does have some or whatever it is aspect. But that's also like this guy has 10 hours of content a week and we see like a 30 second clip once a month.

You know what you know what i was thinking about with alex jones remember there's a guy some writer who there's like uh there's a thing about like his day right and he's like oh wake up snort six lines oh this is um the guy who made the movie blow yes that guy you'd be surprised how many people artists do this but so that's what i'm saying alex jones when he dies there's gonna be something that comes out and it says alex jones wakes up in the morning like takes four tesla pills like eats 10 frogs yeah it's gonna be the same sort of thing to where he's like right before he goes on camera he fucking rips six lines and fucking takes like a fucking eight ounces of mushrooms and just starts going yeah there's no way he's not on that same level it's definitely ecstasy all day it has to be something yeah or like what the fuck was that

guy's name or like a fucking nicotine patch but it's coke that's him yeah he's he's a coke he's budding coke yeah he's budding coke he's a slower that's an eight ball right before he goes on cam yeah it's like super dense coke that you put in your butt and it only dissolves like over a long period of time. Super dense Coke. Yeah, it's like the stuff like Big Bang Coke. Like it's super dense. Yeah, it's very dense. Yeah. It's pressurized.

Oh, it's Hunter S. Thompson. No, it's like a jawbreaker of Coke. He wrote Beer and Loving. But you put it in your ass. It's slow release, but it's thick. Slow break ass cock. Ass Coke breaker. Ass cock coke ass perfect coke breaker An XR coke yeah, and XR cocaine ass jawbreaker, but turned up to 50 megs. Yeah. Yeah 50 megs suck it

This is a question for you guys. I just want to know your answer I Hope so This is a question for you guys. I just want to know your answer. I hope so. That's what I'm questioning for. I just want to know straight up. That's how questions work. I don't want a whole explanation. I just want to know your direct answer to this. Okay.

Is it weirder to make eye contact with someone while you're drinking from a fountain, like a water fountain, or to close your eyes while you're doing it? Fuck. Can you run doing it? Fuck. Can you read it, run it back? I need a picture in my mind. You're drinking from a water fountain

in a public place. Yes. Is it weirder to, while you're tilted, make eye contact with someone who's like maybe waiting or to close your eyes while you do it? Because closing your eyes is kind of sus. Also, the eye contact's kind of sus because it's like who's there if your eyes are closed you're like why is that so good yeah yeah if you if your eyes

are closed and you look way too happy yeah why are you enjoying it so much let's see this is what i didn't want this is what i didn't want i just want the answer i just want to pick what's the question again eyes closed or eye contact while you're drinking from water fountain what's weirder yeah eyes closed because eye contact means the person's also looking at you well they're waiting for you to finish so they're looking at you looking at you either way so it's whether or not your eyes are open or they're looking at you and they see your eyes close but they're looking at you in the eyes that's the weirder part well but they're it's because i think about when someone's drinking the water fountain in front of you you're like hurry the fuck up like no i'm patient i think you assert dominance and stare them dead in the eyes that's

yeah that's how you know you you're both are in it to win it i had a moment yesterday at the gym where i was drinking from the water fountain and i looked up looked at me i looked and there was there was someone waiting and they were looking right at me and i like looked at them and i thought to myself should I close my eyes? That would be weirder. You're sitting there and all of a sudden you close your eyes. Just imagine me looking at you

and then I'm just like... I don't like whatever that was. You don't like that? Opposite of that. Okay. It's definitely weirder if you start looking at them. Then it creates a whole new dynamic.

Like if you close your eyes after you've already looked at them? Yeah. Or you hold the eye contact. Because I'm not looking away. I'm not losing dominance. I'm not dominance. Dominoes, dominance. You're bent over sucking something and you think you have dominance?

Yeah. Yeah, if I'm bent over sucking something and I think you have dominance yeah yeah if i'm bent over sucking something and i can hold eye contact longer than you can that's dominance and it's fucking that is that is pure dominance if you look away first one yeah you're fucking me but i'm dominating you yeah yeah okay yeah it's way worse to close your eyes okay you just got dominated all right ladies and gentlemen here we go ladies and gents quick break from the show because it's fucking spooky season motherfucker what season is it it's spooky as shit nothing scarier than a fucking set of hairy balls yeah and there's nothing literally nothing scarier than that john's cock and there's untrimmed

nothing yeah untrimmed by the doctor yeah the day you were born uncircumcised yeah so this man's game doesn't use circumcisions manscape but the manscaped can't circumcise you because it can't cut your shit dude it's yes good it's a no nick because it's technology it's all no it's low nick check the usb they've got the patent but keep that in mind this spooky season because manscaped are committed to helping men around the world walk and talk with some swagger this season with the best grooming tools on the market. Try and fucking do a circumcision with one of those things.

You can. I've tried to do it. I promise you. So even when you're dressed as Ken and your dumb girlfriend's dressed as Barbie, you'll have an uncensored but fully trimmed cock. You'll still be bulged up up join the nine million men worldwide that seems like a small number it's not though it should be four billion well if you think about

how many it should be yeah how many men are there on earth that's how many it should be four at least four billion and then it should be times two yeah yeah double it yes you should manscaped let's go baby but anyways you should trust us and fucking head over to that dude if anyone knows balls yeah the boys know their boys no balls yeah boys no big guys who frequently have them inside their mouth we know balls yeah you want to know how to taste them you can't taste them as good with hair you cannot manscaped but enjoy this offer this spooky season 20 off and free shipping if you go through the boys code no fomo check out that's n-o-f-m-o don't neglect your beautiful self we've ever spelled it before that's huge get right this spooky season with manscaped and noFoMo. NoFoMo at checkout. Gang, gang, back to the show. Gang, gang.

All right, go for it, Jack. You ready for this? Okay. You ready? I'm crunching my way up here. You get to ask your boy one question on a lie detector. What are you asking him? That's good.

That's gnarly. Why are you asking them that's good that's gnarly why are you gay have you had a gay thought towards me yeah right that's exactly what I'm saying even if it was bad that's what I'm saying it's like one time when we were talking and joking around you could ever count the chub the energy like we're laying in a bed hung over we're giggling or whatever some shit we're getting a little too hard in a dark room alone because you know the answer for you is also so we all thought it okay yeah but okay wait one thing go yeah oh yeah we're going along with that on for sure going on we can elaborate no we elaborate yeah this is just kind of

going on like the same scenario specific sighting this kind of goes with the same scenario uh it's a little advice for our ocean pacific bros out there this is a gym we go to we're new here uh we've been going if you're a muscle guy you're wearing one of those nipple tanks and you're in the outside section and you're a muscle guy, you're wearing one of those nipple tanks, and you're in the outside section, and you're sitting on the little swing chairs that they have. If you're swinging back and forth and giggling at each other outside in the sun, stop unless you're going to invite me in because it looked like a fun-ass time. It looked like an absolute ball.

The other day, me and Morg were there. I saw these two guys. They had a camera set up in the corner. They had a camera set up? They were like definitely filming their lifts guys like nipple Nipple tanks. Yeah, and they're sitting there and they're swinging so hard on the swings like and they're swinging and Well guys their legs are so big and strong. Cause they're just and they're swinging back and forth and they look at each other They're just like oh and I was taking Invite me first dude. I have so many bones to pick with strong guys actually now that I think about it Break it down. Okay. You're not stronger than me

I could be stronger than you if I wanted to I see you you're not stronger than me Keep it going I see what you're trying to do and it's not working. Yeah, no, absolutely not. But here's the thing, okay? If you're big you don't also get to be loud And you don't also get to talk about girls in public so that other people can hear Oh, I forgot about that guy. You also don't get to be loud while you're lifting and You don't get to wear super little stuff at the gym. I'm sorry. I don't understand this, and I'll never understand it. Why is it the jacked-er you get,

the tighter your fuck, the more bikini strap you get? Yeah. Like, why the more jacked you get, do you have to get more, like, less? Like, it's the more obvious it is that you're big, the less you wear. Yeah, I can see it more you wear yeah i can see it more

and you're wearing less it'd be cool if you have a fat ass and you're a girl like you just now we're talking it's kind of the same mentality as a girl getting a massive fat rack but wearing like barely covering her nipples yes that is okay yeah we'd like that but the other way it's like it's cool to be jacked if it if you don't look like the guy that's trying to look like the guy that's jacked. Does that make sense? I think that's a big part of it. I do get it. Like, it's cool to be jacked if it's, like, low-key.

Yeah. Like, oh, shit, you're jacked, brother. Holy shit. But if you're, like, yelling and shit, then you can fucking eat your own ass. I think the big thing for me was just, like, if you guys are going to have a good time and be little gay bros together, invite me. Yeah. Be there with me. That's fair. Like like they look like they're having the I've never seen two guys they were kicking their feet out swinging yeah like

getting the explainers swinging the outside section has like these little chairs that you can sit on that are on ropes and you can swing out so and I heard the fight I heard the happiest little giggle out of them, and I was like, fuck. They were pretty happy, guys. Me and Morg never do that anymore. I should get more jacked. But, uh, sorry for the tangent there. We're sticking with... I feel like there's one more thing to do here.

I think there's a lot of embarrassing questions you could ask. Like, have you ever jacked off to like a weird porn yeah like if you had one lie detector question like who's your best friend oh no but it has to be yes or no question for lie detector no it doesn't yeah it does it's a lie detector no you have to do yes or no i think for accuracy it does yeah because they ask you like so you could say am i your best friend am I your best friend? Am I your best friend? Yeah, that's what it is.

And the answer is no. Baseline questions are like, is your name this? Yeah. Do you live at this address? Or is your dick bigger than mine? Hard or soft? That's, yeah. Then you have to.

Soft? Absolutely. You have to act. You have to add those in. Yeah, so one of those three. I think am I your best friend would be another good one. Am I your best friend is a good one. Yeah. And then the answer is no, and then they're telling the truth. If you're me. Yeah.

That was sad. That ruined my fucking night. It's funny because in my head I thought you said the fucking opposite. That was a good question though. That's a good one. Think on that. Think on that. That is good. Next episode, we're getting a lie detector.

Should we get a lie detector for one? And can we get the weird guy that's in the corner, like, working it? Oh, yeah, I want a fucking absolute, like, Ocean's Eleven, the guy who sweats when he's trying to do this. Wait, we totally should rent a fucking lie detector. Lie detector guy? I'm gonna look up how much it is.

Like, a stringy-haired type guy. Yeah, like, serial killer looking killer look yeah it was masturbating he's like super tall for no reason lanky very stringy yeah very stringy hair greasy super thin glasses yeah smells like Korean barbecue almonds smells like very yeah guys are always talking about me okay okay I don't think you guys are ready for this answer. 1,500? Several hundred to a few thousand is the answer for how expensive a lie detector is. What differentiates you, right? Let me just type in polygraph machine.

I don't think, you just can't buy one of them. A lie detector? I don't know if you can just go out and buy one. Yeah, you can. Maybe we have to find like a shutdown place. No, like super accurate ones. Yeah, they're at Target. That's why Amazon wants them some polygraph machine price. Okay, you can get a bunch of bullshit ones for like $300, which might be better

Yeah, no That would be way better if they're just wrong the whole time and we're just Debater okay That would be fun. Actually, you don't know if it's right or wrong and you just get to play off of the You're just like no there's what dude it's bullshit we should just do like an app that it just hears you and it's like oh well okay here's the question we don't have to buy one we just hire a guy for an hour that's got to be doable what do you mean hire a guy for an hour like someone who does lie detecting like just by looking at you no you hire a guy for now like someone who does lie detecting? Like just by looking at you. No you hire a guy who has one they come for now No, fuck isn't that what we're doing?

I thought you were talking about how much it cost to buy a light why the fuck would we buy a lot? Okay, so obviously it's not a few hundred thousand dollars to fucking hire a lie detector guy. I'm saying fucking I got $70 on it I'd put seven dollars on here wait why don't we just buy one on Amazon return it we could do that that's why they did the target shit conspiracy that I just said dude we got that easy write that down and write that down nine months I don't mind for now I don't know

if they have like legit ass from here but they probably, but... They probably are. I'll look into it. Okay, please. Sort by height. Because we could just do the 30 minutes. Get them at the half price. Oh yeah, they have real ones that are like a thousand bucks. And we'll just return it. Yeah, we'll just return it after we use it.

Because it doesn't work. Yeah. It doesn't work. It's set up gay, bro. Dude, this sounds bullshit, bro. Because it doesn't work. Yeah Same thing some fucking gay Are you guys ready for some you? You tell him still or guns. I'm not I'm gonna put you out of teasing. You're done teasing me I'm done. Okay, hit me which of your intrusive thoughts would be the best if you had to do it every time Hit me.

Which of your intrusive thoughts would be the best if you had to do it every time? If I had to do it every time. It's fucked up because the ones that went through my head, I can't say. Oh, no, absolutely not. I already had the intrusive thoughts. Oh, no, I thought the thoughts he wanted me to say, but I can't. Literally can't say them. What are the intrusive? Okay, the ones I can't say, or could say these what some of them like it just

best I had could not say out loud in okay ones that would be the best if I had to do them every time would just be like murder this fuck yeah like this guy's fucking walk too slow beat him in the back Yeah, or like just kicking out the back of somebody's leg. Yeah. Yeah, like someone in a wheelchairs in front of you You're like slash tire. You know, it would be good a crash in your fucking car into somebody Like just ramming somebody hitting a pedestrian. Oh That's a fucking that's another good one another good one and this one's a little maybe quiche. Yeah, it's a little outside there Jumping off a bridge That's only fun for half a time and they got high balcony I could do that once yeah

Oh, or like jumping off something high like what if I just fucking my thoughts would be real Like the amount of them that I'd have to do would be so short if I yeah Like the amount of times you peek off like a balcony and like a tall building Yeah, you're like what if I did it? Yeah, dude, I could Superman lay it off. I'm not that depressed But um Having to drink every time that you think about it. Oh Would be that doesn't that's't that doesn't happen for me that often nope because it doesn't happen that often oh yeah totally doesn't but so tell me if it

happens once you have one and then you're just like oh what if you had another like as soon as you have one it's just like let's have another let's have another let's have another oh if you just oh so yeah as soon as you had one thought about it then you had to do it yeah your next thought would be like oh i definitely want to be, your next thought would be like oh, I definitely wonder Bumps would be tough. Oh, yeah. Oh if you die if you had to do your intrusive thoughts on drugs Yeah, another one would just be you'd be dead in one day Not only the intrusive thoughts about drugs But the intrusive thoughts you have when you're on drugs or like you know You know anytime you watch a movie and someone's doing drugs in the movie yeah like if you watched if

you watched like the sopranos or something and they were doing a line in it you just you'd be dead in five seconds yeah you'd be game over oh yeah try sitting through wolf wall street and come out alive with every yeah as soon as that rule gets enacted you watch wolf wall street and come out alive with every yeah as soon as that rule gets enacted you watch wolver wall street oh yeah you're done you're done yeah you would definitely get alcoholism very quickly or like buying buying shit alcoholism or i'd be or i just start having to tell people i have Tourette's because i'd just be fucking screaming shit up yeah like when you're walking anywhere you're just like or like running over the person who like gives you the uh when you stopped like before the stop sign oh yeah you creeped a little bit

I'm like I fucking stopped I did that fucking like an hour and a half ago this guy looked at me in the CVS parking lot I was just like we're going like three miles an hour I had an actual great moment of that the other day I was driving and these people these two Karen like really this piano purpose. Oh shit. We forget about that Brought to you by AC blasting if you didn't hear it When you turned it off oh

Shit we're on boys um that part was probably lit holy shit okay but this is a scenario i had i was drunk dude look at him i'm so i got a little buzz we gotta start drinking more i got a little buzz going there's so much fun i'm driving there's these people standing outside um and they're standing outside their house. I'm driving. Listen, I'm driving. I'm driving. And they're standing outside their house. They're like looking at everyone upset about something. And as I'm driving by, I hit them with like the like the face they're making.

And both of them are just like They give it back to me? They give it back to you? They gave it back. That's savagery. Yeah. Is that why you bought the ski mask? You're feeling hella dangerous with it. Are we going back there after the episode huh those people yeah well actually it's the same house this is the same house that when i this is by my old house i was driving someone home okay and this house at night the garage above it has this like flashing like weird

like flickering light and every time i drive past it and i see it i have an intrusive thought oh you've told me about this house it's on the hill yeah it's on the hill i have this intrusive thought that the reason the light is flashing isn't because it's a malfunctioning light i think someone's stuck in the attic there's someone that is chained up up there and the only thing they can do is flicker that light and they're trying to tell people that they're stuck up there dude we should go break into that house. I'm sure of it. I'm sure of it. I'm like, there's no way it flickers like this for this long for any other reason than

there's someone's trapped up there. And I think we need to call the police. We should go break into it. I think we need to call them. There's someone up there. I guarantee you there's going to be a news story. San Diego. Couple has child chained to that.

Multiple people chained up in a garage yeah and i'm gonna sit there and be like damn i could have saved him months ago who needs the police when you have a ski mask and the boys let's get in there yeah two boys in a ski mask climb that fucker no this is how you test it we need a laser pointer i'll tell you this i'm invincible to cameras you are invincible to camera visible or invincible invincible but what is he is it a red light or a regular light no it's like a like a garage light like an outside light for like your driveway oh so we just got to go with a flashlight and give him morse code back and see if you respond maybe that's definitely okay so what are you thinking is it inside in the attic no it's

outside okay but it's where the you think it's outside. Okay. But it's where the... You think it's outside? You could reseal electricity, maybe. Like, maybe they opened up a little... We Morse coded. A two by four. Like, there's no way... I need to learn Morse code.

I need to learn Morse code. Thank you. I need to learn Morse code. I need to learn Morse code. Like, there's no way they've let that... Like, imagine if you're inside trying to sleep and that's just blasting all night. Yeah. No, it's outside.

That's what I'm... No, I'm saying that even if it's outside, it's outside your window. Okay, yeah, that's a good point. It's probably not somebody stuck not somebody stuck up there no no i'm saying they would have fixed it okay unless someone's triggering it i just thought of how fucked up it would be if i was stuck up in an attic and i was trying to act like i learned more or act like a new morse code up there i don't know you're just doing anything hoping somebody drive by notice it and you're the guy that's out there and i'm just like fuck i'm the only person that's driven by and i'm like i don't know you're just doing anything hoping somebody drive by notice and you're the guy that's out there I'm just like fuck. I'm the only person that's driven by them like I don't know more. Yeah Those are the things I hope you get a life replay on when you go to heaven or hell It's like I when you fucking thought you lost that thing so long ago

It was like fucking right there in some crazy place Yeah, that'd be fun Or you should have just known Morse code and you would have saved a family I could have saved a fucking entire fucking Viltage of people Viltage entire built oh that's a fucking good question what would you ask god when you fucking get up there he knows everything what i ask god yeah how'd you know not god let's just say somebody that knows everything okay because god's gonna be like i don't know if i don't like you that much um what would i ask like if i could replay my life yeah what would you want to see for sure?

Like what was my highest potential if I would have like just gone for everything? That's dark. Right? That's dark. Why don't you just shoot for everything? Well, no, I'm just saying like what if I could have been like... LeBron James? Yeah, I could have been the president. I'd like a replay of all my sexual deviants.

Oh, just this? Like an overhead. How many dudes could I have fucked? Yeah. How many dudes did I think were trying to fuck me were actually trying to fuck me? That's a good one. How many dudes wanted to fuck me? How many dudes wanted to fuck me?

How many dudes, if I was into them, could I have fucked? That's a better question. If I was gay or straight, which way would I have gotten laid more? Oh, which way would I have hired? Which way would I have gotten laid more? Yeah, how would I have gotten more ass? Oh, would I have found more pure love if I was gay? That would fuck you up.

Damn, I'm hella gay this episode. I'm gonna have margarita in me bro two beers were all like oh I'd ask if my boys were gay these things are two drinks per cocktail yeah and Morgz had a couple glasses a couple cocktails and we're like yo what if we were fucking gay

this is the gay side the dark gay side yo god what if I was gay would I be happier yeah and we turn on a blue light and everybody's like I felt like I got gypped down there what if I was gay? Would I be happier? Yeah, and we turn on a blue light and everybody's like... I felt like I got gypped down there. What if I was gay? Would I have been better? That's good shit. What else you got, Piggy? Let's see here.

If you could pick one argument or type of argument to always be right about, what would it be? Any argument with your girlfriend? No, but there's specificity here. Well, that's a type of argument with your girlfriend no but there's there's specificity here well that's a type of argument with with your there's a specific type no that's that's too broad is it i like that it's called a dummy let me just say i like that answer oh well yeah that's a clear answer that's

why it's too easy okay okay duh of course always right there who else you're fucking arguing with i'm saying winning any dumb argument i think i think that's arguing what someone said like in the past would be a good one like i didn't say that having the record oh okay having the record show yeah having the record having a stenographer yeah like you said fucking blah blah that's pretty good like no i didn't i never said i was gay what and then we pulled the podcast and then we pulled this episode i think i think like being the or saying the right way to do something oh and then like someone thinking you're wrong and then they find out you're right yeah like oh

the like someone's you're like oh the best way to do it is actually this and they're like nah and then they they figure out later yeah i later. I said that like an hour ago. And they're like, no, you didn't. Yeah. Yeah, see, they're saying it. That's a good one. Or honestly, if you want specificity, anything that someone challenges you on. Like aggressively.

If they're like, no, I know this. Oh, like facts? Yeah. If they're like, absolutely not. No, you're way wrong you're supposed to hit like way harder before phones do you remember like middle school arguments well but you'd be like dude i swear to god it's i know this is true it's like you might have seen it on like a fucking discovery channel show the day before wait how did people be like no and then

you'd be like well fucking have a teacher look it up like you'd have no way of just pulling it up but the thing about those is is it wasn't necessarily who was right. It was who was able to argue it better. They were more fun. Wait, how did we get through middle school without that? Because we had the reason. We would just say, no, my dad told me. My dad told me that shit.

What else? What type of argument? There's so many good ones. I mean, name an argument you want to be wrong in yeah no shit but like what would be the pinnacle to be best like if i was just always right about one of them political no i could give a fuck about i think like a psychology based one statistics would be good statistics would be really good but those are also so stupid because like oh you memorize the stat it would be really good to be good about like it would be 99 of the time i'm

wrong i think you would like to be right i'd like to be right when i'm shooting out like random fucking are yeah when i shoot out fucking a 2004 thing so the answer is anything yeah whatever i say it's like fucking i think one out of three people's gay or something like psychology to where like you could be you could say something like the reason you think that is because this oh you can mansplain yeah but also that's so objective or subjective well but if i'm always right no one's gonna ever check me that's true yeah he's right if you're right you're right like five times in a row i'm right like someone's like. If you're right, you're right. Like five times in a row, I'm right. Like someone's like, fuck you. I'm going to Google it. They're going to stop checking.

They're going to stop checking. And then I'm just like, ah. So basically the question is, what would you like to know? What would you like to know? What would you like to actually know? No, anything about your fucking mom, I would love to know for sure. My mom? Yeah, anything.

Anyone's mom. Like I'm just saying. We have an argument. I'm like, your fucking mom. Mom jokes are always 100% great. Your mom sucks 1,500 dicks. You call her and ask her, and she's like, yes, honey. Fucking great.

Yeah. If I'm right about your mom all the time. Fuck, that would suck every time. That's a rebuttal to any argument of all time. Yeah, you win everything right there. That's it, that's it. The first three times you call her up and ask her, she's like, yeah, how'd you know that?

Like, oh man. Yeah, that would hit. And then eventually it just gets to the point where Morgan's just throwing out the most absurd facts about your mom and you're just like, stop. You're like, mom in 76, did you suck a dick in the back of a fucking Denny's parking lot? And she's like...

You're like, I've never argued with Morgan My mom would never do that Oh yeah call her Yep never started arguing with Morgan Second college professor's dick for a fucking C-minor Morgan gets away with the most chaps arguments of all time because we're scared to rebuttal him Oh you'd never fuck up and argue with me ever again

The best part about that if you were right about every kind of like one subject you could start lying and no one would check you after a certain point like if you got enough in a row right you could just be like fuck it like yeah it'd be so hard to talk to you ever yeah like if I had to call my mom five

times in a row and she admitted to everything on the sixth time you're like yeah your mom fucked Neil Armstrong on the moon you'd be like fuck yeah i get to a point where it's like i know you're right i just can't hear my mom saying i don't want to call her i don't want to hear it i can't call her i'm about to fuck your mom later tonight but i'm still right and we're in a group of people and they're like, call her. Shows you the Southwest flight confirmation.

Holy fuck, that was a good one. Fuck. I think... Wait, how much we had on that? One hour and seven. I think we saved these fucking... But we had a good, we had a good like 10, 15 minutes in between. I mean, I still got fucking gas. Give us one more.

One more gas? Yeah, I got a little bit more drink. I got three more drinks. How many times do you think your dad thought about asking to abort you? Thought about it? Okay, so to answer this question truthfully, my parents told me that I was an accident. And because I was an accident,

I know there's no way that my dad hadn't asked at least triple digit triple digit double there's no way okay double digit i had a scenario of this type and i asked quadruple digit yeah okay um i think triple digits not even that early because you at least ask once a day five times a day for at least the first couple weeks before it gets like too far you ask five times a day I'm not it's not that you it's not it's not direct to ask you're not like hey are we not gonna have them you're just like hey so what do you think you walk in the room like every five minutes just sweating bullets it's like you just walk in there You're like dude diapers are $72 a fucking pack. Yeah, you have some more time to think about it

So yeah, you whip up a whole spreadsheet of all the fucking expenses. Yeah, I'd say confidently my parents didn't want me Okay, so I know for my dad just said this nonchalant as fuck okay he's like i'm surprised that you by the by the grace of god you don't have like four or five other siblings or something i thought you were gonna say i'm surprised you mean no it was another we tried we tried to take your ass out multiple times. We sent the fucking nuke in. We sent the cavalry after you. We tried to shove Accutane up there. I kicked her down the stairs. We sent the cavalry in there. How are you up, kid?

Gut punches don't work anymore. By the grace. Your mom's a warrior. He said some shit like there were six or seven others. I was like, what did you just say, bro? I'm still your child. Six or seven others and i was like what did you just say bro i'm still your child or seven others holy shit it's the hot sweaty so to go on a like a nicer note yeah right there's no way my dad's first thought wasn't let's not keep it yes yeah yeah that's why it was thought like like she brought brought it, oh, I'm pregnant, and his first thought was like, want to be? Are you sure?

And then she was like, yes. And he was like, absolutely, of course, yeah. I just want to make sure you wanted it. No, I was testing you. Yeah, I definitely want them. I don't know why I just thought... We'll have the nurse name them. But I just thought of myself asking that question

and then just cutting back to you screaming, what the fuck is skin mask? That's the flip right there It's just like how many times you think oh? Well that one got dark yeah, that's a good. That's a good uh yeah Heater it's yeah the lights are for fucking spooky season dude, and we're so good. Yeah, I'm gonna get these every time Yeah, those are gotta start booze reach your own every time yeah those we got to start boozing we're each getting our own individual we got to start boozing way harder i'm gonna get these for i tried to get the thunder only 10.99 for four for four and they're

double they're doubles we need to start drinking a lot more often okay let's do let's do this we have we have a couple things set up that we need to do. Okay. Burp. First one, drink. We're going to do spooky season. Second one, let's get absolutely fucking shit hammered. Yeah, we have this. We're in a garage now for those people. I can't tell.

Soundproof. We're in a studio. It's soundproof. We're not in a garage. Sorry, let me cut this. We're in a studio now for the people Yeah, we have a sick ass Super-expensive studio. You can see the garage door light Oh, we gotta cover that up. No, but we made some wait Jay we have a spot for the no FOMO side now

That's what I'm saying right on the wall right there. I'll cut it out No, I'm saying it doesn't need to block it we have a spot to actually mount it right behind him Oh true, but yeah, we have a fucking it's getting there we have a garage yeah we're putting it together we have a setup with fucking hella screens and shit and lights and shit mics and all right for every wednesday in october we're getting fucking shit let's get fucking belligerent we're gonna get okay we gotta get back to the roots this is bullshit and that was episode 60