No Such Thing As A Fish - 134: No Such Thing As Sauce For The King Of Sweden
Episode Date: October 8, 2016Live from Up The Creek in Greenwich, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss virtual grouse shooting, stolen Van Gogh paintings and what happens after you win a Nobel Prize....
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hi, guys, just before we start this episode,
just to let you know, we will be recording
the first episode of series two
of No Such Thing As The News next week,
and we're recording that live on Tuesday.
And for the middle section of the TV show,
we would like to use the most interesting facts
that you guys, our audience,
has learned from the news over the past seven days.
So if you've seen anything interesting in the news,
tweet it to atqipodcast, email podcast at qi.com,
or post it up on the No Such Thing As A Fish Facebook page.
And we'll pick our favourites and use them in the middle of the show.
OK, hope you enjoyed this show,
which is a recording of the dummy run for No Such Thing As A News,
that we did live last week on with the show.
Now, hello and welcome to another episode of No Such Thing As The News,
coming to you from up the creek in Greenwich, London.
My name is Dan Schreiber, and I'm sitting here with Anna Czciński,
Andrew Hunter Murray and James Harkin.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Once again, we're here to present the most interesting stories
we found in the news of the last seven days.
And in no particular order, here we go, starting with you, Czciński.
My fact this week is that one of these stalls
at the Conservative Party Conference this week
is a grouse-shooting simulator.
Sort of normal, ordinary thing for struggling families.
So, this is in the mirror, in fact,
so a mirror journalist went around the Conservative Party Conference
and made a list of the most Tory things at the Tory conference,
and that, unsurprisingly, made the list.
Well, the grouse simulator, you obviously saw what it looks like.
It's like a little thing that you attach on this kind of fake gun,
but you can attach it on your own gun, if you want to,
if you're so inclined.
And also... How many people at the Conservative Conference went,
oh, actually, I've brought my own gun!
And actually, there's a lady called Danka Bartekova,
who's Slovakian, who used this grouse simulator
when she was training for the London Olympics,
and she won a medal at the London Olympics.
Really? Yeah.
Oh, cool.
So, it's a useful and interesting thing,
not just a chance for landowners to show off their shooting prowess.
I have to say, reading about the Tory party conference,
I just thought it looked so fun.
It looked...
Like, I know, like, politically, you could sit on either side,
but as an event, it looked so much fun.
And I went on Twitter and I thought,
I wonder if people are tweeting about this, saying this is really fun.
And they weren't. So many people were just...
Cos it was a hashtag, CPC16, and I put CPC16 fun.
I just came up with all these tweets going...
If you had searched CPC16 crap,
you would have got a lot of things that would have said it was crap.
Well, I searched CPC16 boring,
and actually, today, there was a lot of boring stuff
going on, mainly about Hammond's speech.
I don't know if you heard about Hammond's speech.
So, there were a few tweets that I saved,
one that said,
Hammond's so boring, TFL wants to use him on the tunnels
for the London Crossrail project.
Good.
And then on the fun side, because there were lots of fun tweets,
this guy said,
fucking hell, it's 1.30 in the morning,
and I'm listening to two men arguing about the Turnstile Act of 1963.
The CPC16 is so fun, it aches!
LAUGHTER
I think you might be missing a note of sarcasm
instead of the one with the history of that.
I am here to tell you, having been to a party conference or two,
that they are all lying.
The people who want to be promoted within the Tory party are going,
so it is not in their interest to go,
this is a fucking waste of time, isn't it?
I think they have to say, I'm having the time of my life.
I don't know, because there was an owl that you could hold on your arm.
LAUGHTER
A real owl.
Unfortunately, a lot of Tories brought their own guns
and the owl didn't.
It was a mix-up, they shouldn't put those two things next to each other.
One person I'm not sure he was having a great time
is Camden councillor Johnny Bucknell,
who spent the conference sleeping in his car.
And what he thinks is, these conferences shouldn't be held
in big cities where all the hotels are really expensive,
they should be held in Blackpool, where it's £10 a night or something.
That's what he said.
And so I looked at the other things that he's done in the last year or so,
and this is all that's in the news about him.
He was fined £30,000 for being a shoddy landlord,
and he was told off for eating roast duck during a town hall meeting.
LAUGHTER
After which, he vowed to campaign for the right
to have a roast meal during meetings.
LAUGHTER
Do you know what you could get at the Lib Dem conference this year?
There's another bit of merch. A seat?
LAUGHTER
I think you'll find, James, seats are the one thing
the Lib Dem police struggle with.
LAUGHTER
No, they also have...
I mean, all the party conferences have their own merch,
but at the Lib Dem conference, you could get branded 18th birthday cards
Lib Dem-themed in a pack of 50...
LAUGHTER
..for someone who has 50 young nephews or nieces.
Don't worry, darling, you can sell them to pay off your student loan.
LAUGHTER
It was the Looney conference this week,
earlier this week, for the Monster Raven Looney party.
They held it in Blackpool at Uncle Tom's Cabin Pub.
And I went on the website and they had a whole load of things
that was going to happen there, and they said,
very sorry to say that Vince Cornwall and his rodent rat show
will not be appearing this year.
Vince has had surgery and been told to take it easy,
although he is open about and will be attending with Andrew the Rat.
LAUGHTER
There was an incident at the UKIP party conference,
which was in September.
One of the failed leadership candidates called Lisa Duffy
went out for dinner. The conference was in Bournemouth,
and the place was raided by immigration officials
who wanted to check the visa status
of the people working in the restaurant.
And apparently, the chef, she said, ran away into the night.
So she said, watching our chef running away into the night,
his apron flapping in the wind, was a surreal moment.
Turned out they were all completely legally working in the UK,
so I have no idea why he ran away.
LAUGHTER
Could be the idea of having to serve a whole bunch of UKIP candidates.
LAUGHTER
The journalists and politicians have a football match
at every Labour and Tory party conference,
which I didn't realise.
So this year, the lobby 11, which is the team of journalists,
played the Tory MPs.
And the Tories lost 5-2 this year.
In 2014, they lost 7-2.
That's because they're all on the right wing.
LAUGHTER
Another thing that's been in the news
and is related to football this week is the Hungarian referendum.
So this is a referendum as to whether Hungary wants to allow
the EU to force that they take in.
Only another 1,300, I think, asylum seekers,
and they voted against it.
But the Prime Minister of Hungary, Viktor Orban,
who brought this referendum, is a former footballer,
and he features in the 2006 edition of Football Manager.
So if anyone has that, he's there.
He plays for Falksut FC.
He... Yeah.
Speaking of games and also simulators,
the top app at the moment is a simulator.
This is PewDiePie's YouTuber simulator,
where you get to pretend to be a YouTuber.
It's a great game.
What, so you wear a simulator
and you're just looking into a camera and going,
oh, my life's so crazy, I just...
Amazingly, it's even more boring than that.
You're a character on your phone
and you're in your bedroom with a computer
and you have to make videos.
You don't get to really make videos,
you just get to pretend to make videos.
And then they get views and you get money for that
and you can buy more things to decorate your bedroom with.
Your fake bedroom.
Your fake bedroom, yeah.
I played it this morning, which is why my research
is a bit kind of short this week.
No, I made a video.
It got 13 views and three subscribers,
and it got me enough money to buy a cardboard box
to put it in my bedroom.
And then I had to wait for it to get delivered,
and it said it would take 30 seconds and my app crashed,
and it took me three minutes,
and then I just got bored and I stopped playing.
And this app is made by the same people
who made Goat Simulator,
a game in which players can drag things,
wiggle things, throw things and lick things.
I think it needs to be specifying what things.
There's a new virtual reality simulator out as well,
so you put it on your head,
and what it is, the game is your lonely cow in a field.
Yeah, genuinely.
And there's no other cows, and people come and they taser you
and force you into a truck,
and it's meant to raise awareness about how cows
are being treated in the world today.
It doesn't sound that fun, does it?
Well, the pictures look amazing because you're on all fours,
and you're just walking around your living room,
occasionally going, wow, when you're tasered.
And there's another one where you can be a piece of coral.
It's another virtual reality simulator,
and you sit and you're a piece of coral,
and you watch the reef decay from acids
that are let into the water.
The one thing I know about coral
is they get most of their nutrients from urine.
So, parents, don't buy this game for your children.
We need to move on in a sec to our next fact.
Anything before we do?
Just back to politics, one thing.
So, there's been an election in Brazil
for the mayor of São Paulo,
and the man who has won
is the host of the Brazilian version of The Apprentice.
Oh!
Yeah. I know.
What are the chances it'll happen twice in one day?
OK, it is time for fact number two,
and that is Andy.
My fact is that comets sound like a cross
between a cat and a dolphin.
You mean the noise that they make?
I mean, the noise they make.
So, this week, the comet 67p Churiurumov-Gerasimenko,
the Rosetta satellite has probe...
We call it probe.
Probe? Probe.
It's weird when people shout probe at you.
I'm used to it. OK.
So, they've gathered so much data from this comet
that they never had before, and one of the things they found
is it gives us this low-frequency hum,
and they're not exactly clear why it might be
because it has charged particles in the gas
and the dust jets that it gives out,
and I think we can play it.
This is a sped-up version of it,
because it's normally below the range.
That's kind of dolphin-y.
I think it's a dolphin. Yeah.
Imagine it but more like a cat.
Imagine pressing it together.
It sounds like a cat purring a bit.
Anyway, that's the noise it makes.
I think it does sound like a cat purring.
Yeah, more than a dolphin, in fact.
But that is very sped-up, isn't it?
So, actually, it's like one of those noises
every 20 minutes or something.
Dolphin that clicks very infrequently.
Have we had to manufacture that sound?
Yeah.
So, they're picking up signals
of what the sound should be generating.
That's a recreation.
That's someone in TV
when you have to make boot sounds on the ground.
They're trying to do...
What? Comet?
That's another...
Can't be a dolphin.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's not quite that.
They've copied and pasted the vibrations
Actually, doesn't it smell like cat pee?
Yeah.
And it looks like a duck.
I'm wondering if this is a comet at all.
If it looks like a duck,
sounds like a dolphin and a cat,
and smells like cat urine,
it's Comet 67P.
Do you know we don't know
if it changed its tune, though?
So...
How these comets have been studied before,
and it makes a completely different song
when it gets closer to the sun.
And so, we're still waiting on the data to come back
as to whether the tune now sounds more like
a duck or a giraffe or whatever,
weird, and we want to compare it to.
Hey, speaking of Halley's Comet,
do you know when the next time we're going to see Halley's Comet is?
Oh, well, the last one was
when...probably when I was a teenager,
so it'll be another probably 45s,
probably 6 years, something like that.
Hmm. October 20th.
Oh. Yeah.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
And I'm older than I think.
No, I've just got the word hubrit in my notes here.
LAUGHTER
You could send me 50 birthday cards.
I hope you like Tim Farron.
LAUGHTER
No, what this is is that Halley's Comet,
when it flies by, it obviously leaves a trail behind it.
And so, on October 20th,
we're going to come into the path of the debris trail
that it left behind when we saw it.
And so, if you're in the north of Wales,
October 20th, and it lasts for quite a long time
because it's a long trail,
you'll see meteor showers coming in
and you'll be able to watch the debris of Halley's Comet
coming in, and it happens every year.
That is great.
I don't know if it counts as seeing a comet
if you're seeing what it's excreted as it's passed by.
It's not like walking into a room two years after someone fasted it.
LAUGHTER
Terry, hi!
So, this thing,
so, just back to the comet quickly,
they've discovered a lot of stuff.
So, for example, they discovered a new kind of carbon,
which was really complicated,
not like the kind of carbon that we're made of.
And there was an interview with a team member of Rosetta
called Evie Cotton.
He said,
It is so complex, we can't give it a proper formula
or a name!
LAUGHTER
It's so complex...
LAUGHTER
They won't even name it!
Do they keep trying?
They're like, we'll call it...
LAUGHTER
Have we said why this isn't the news this week?
Rosetta, which is the probe which went around the comet,
it's crashed into the comet
and it's the end of its life, isn't it?
It's not actually the end of its life,
it's just cut off its phone conversation with us.
It's kind of hubristic of us to assume that it's now dead.
Well, that's true.
You see, because it's like solar powered, isn't it?
They were thinking,
well, maybe we could just kind of land it softly
and then next time it goes near the sun,
it can power up again.
Well, they weren't sure if that was going to work.
And then so one of the scientists at the ESA, Matt Taylor,
said they'd rather go out in true rock and roll style
and crash into the comet.
It's weird that he said that
because they crashed into the comet two miles an hour.
LAUGHTER
That's walking pace.
It's strolled into a comet.
The most interesting thing for me about the whole thing
is that we did find out amazing information
about the makeup of comets and so on
and they think that there might be bits of it
that suggest how life may have arrived on Earth.
But for me, what's really interesting
is on the actual probe, Rosetta,
they included a thing called the Rosetta disc.
I don't know if you remember Voyager years and years ago,
had a golden disc on it that had songs from Earth languages.
Exactly.
So they've created a 7.5-centimeter nickel disc
that has 1,000 languages on it.
It's basically, it's nickel,
and you can use a microscope to head in towards
and you can read 1,000 languages.
So for a second time, we've ceded the idea of language
that may die very soon into the universe, which is quite cool.
It will just sit there.
All the aliens that have just finished building a record player.
LAUGHTER
Great, finally we can... Oh, wait, something...
Oh, what's this format?
LAUGHTER
Rosetta took 116,000 photos on the mission
and it sent back 218 gigabytes of data and...
I don't even say it sent back 218 of them.
Like, it's taken a selfie. No, no, no, no.
LAUGHTER
It sent back 218 gigabytes of data
and I worked out that what that would be
is 872 copies of the film Deep Impact.
LAUGHTER
The only version I could find of the film Deep Impact online
was dubbed into Tamil, so it might be slightly more or fewer.
Speaking of Deep Impact,
I was surprised that no one has got angry about the fact so far
that Rosetta has gone into the actual comet
because in 2005, NASA crashed their probe Deep Impact
into a comet called Tempel 1
and an astrologer tried to sue NASA
saying that they had upset the balance of the universe.
Well, all of these horoscopes are bollocks now, aren't they?
LAUGHTER
OK, so we're halfway through the show
and it's time to look at the stories that you've sent into us
via emails and social media, starting with James.
OK, this one comes from David Smith.
It's at DVD Smith on Twitter
and it comes from The Independent.
A Russian children's charity
has had a million flyers printed
asking people to exterminate beavers.
That's due to a misprint.
It should have read, Do Good.
LAUGHTER
Anna?
This is a tweet from At Eye of Siva
and it comes from the Florida Sun Post
and it's the story that a 68-year-old man
who married a 24-year-old woman
only to discover when looking through family photos
that she's his estranged biological granddaughter
said they have no plans to divorce.
He said, I've already had two failed marriages
and I'm determined not to have a third.
And finally, Andy.
My factors have been sent in from Kenzie Lee.
An employee of the Canadian Mint is currently on trial,
accused of smuggling £100,000 worth of gold
out of the building in his rectum.
He kept on setting off the metal detector when he was leaving
and they kept on doing a sort of pat down search,
you know, nothing there.
And then they found some gold pucks
and a tub of Vaseline in his locker
and he maintains that this is completely
circumstantial evidence as well.
Anyway, here's at the moment innocent until proven guilty.
Until proven really weird.
OK, it is time for fact number three and that is James.
OK, my fact this week is that Nobel Prize winners
always immediately return their award
so they don't lose it in the subsequent party.
It makes it sound like as soon as they get the award,
it kicks off.
So I think the key to the fun that they have,
because they definitely do have fun,
is that they made sure that every year
200 of the 1,300 seats there are allocated to students
from the uni.
Yes, so that's what it is and a lot of the parties
are led by students.
So the best part of the Nobel Prize ceremony apparently
is the after party and it's called Nobel Nightcap.
Do you know what they make the Nobel laureates do?
They induct them into the order of the ever-smiling
and jumping green frog.
And everyone, like Richard Feynman, was a part of it.
Richard Feynman was really excited because as well as playing the bongos,
he's an amazing physicist.
Most people just know him as a bongo player.
He was involved in science as well.
And they gave him one of these awards and he was really excited
because he does an awesome frog impression.
So he was like, ah, finally, can bust this out of this.
And it's not weird.
And so what they do is they get people who've won the prizes,
usually in physics,
they have to leap like a frog
and they also have a massive paper mache frog
that they have to carry all the way back
to the origin place of the frog.
So people who've just won the biggest award in science
can be seen at 2am with a huge paper mache frog.
Or a real one.
So it changes every year, the formalities,
and sometimes it's a person dressed up as a frog.
Right. They mix it up all the time.
Of course you say physics and it is the Nobel prizes this week, isn't it?
Yes.
And the physics prize has just been won by three British people.
Yeah. Which is great.
So there is a lot of partying and it is very fun,
but there also is the actual ceremony bit,
which is very serious.
And so all Nobel laureates get a course
in how to receive the actual prize from the king.
So there was actually a British Nobel prize winner
called Paul Nurse,
and they use his video as an example of how not to accept an award.
He got his medal turned around and held it up
like he'd won the World Cup in football.
Classic Brit.
And they edited that out from his winning video.
And they apparently show that
in the demonstration of how to receive it
by how not to receive it.
He could have done worse.
He could have been like Canute Hansen,
who won the 2020 Literature Prize.
You don't need to tell us, James.
He got drunk and he pulled the whiskers
of an elderly Nobel committee man.
And then he snapped his finger
against the corset of his fellow laureate,
Sigrid Unsett,
and shouted,
It sounds like a bellboy!
It was a different time.
So they give you the actual gold medal when you win.
And for some reason the economics one is very slightly larger
than all the other five.
It is ten grams bigger, isn't it?
No explanation.
So there was a guy called Brian Schmidt
who won the 2011 Prize for Physics
for discovering dark energy basically.
And he went to visit his granny.
She lives in Fargo, made famous obviously
by the film and the TV series.
And then on his way out at the airport,
it was in his laptop bag
and it came up on the screen
as this completely black disc is made of gold.
And the airport guys were a bit freaked out.
And he reported the conversation they had.
He said, they're like, sir, there's something in your bag.
He said, yes, I think it's this box.
They said, what's in the box?
He said, a large gold medal.
They opened it and they said,
what's it made out of?
And he says, gold.
And then they said,
who gave this to you?
And then he says, the king of Sweden.
They say,
why did he give this to you?
He says,
because I helped discover
the expansion rate of the universe is accelerating.
At which point,
they were beginning to lose their sense of humour.
Then he tells them it's a Nobel Prize
and he says, and their main question was,
why were you in Fargo?
He could have saved a lot of problems
if he smuggled it in his rectum.
It's big though.
At least it's not the economics one.
As well as the medal,
you obviously get the massive cash prize
that goes with it.
Why is it like a million dollars?
Well, it fluctuates. I've read this article
where they talked about how people who've won the Nobel Prize,
how scientists have spent the money that they've won.
One interesting one was Albert Einstein
who gave his money over to his first wife.
He gave it in 1921.
That's when he won it,
but actually he signed it over to her
and they were divorcing in 1919.
So he said, if I ever win the Nobel Prize,
you can have the money in the divorce
and then he won it
and she got the money,
which is amazing.
You don't have the banquet.
For the 1300 guest banquets, incredible.
And sometimes there's major goss
from the banquet.
So I was trying to look for a scandal at the banquet
and get this, guys.
This is according to the
Svenska Dagbladet newspaper.
Last year, the biggest scandal
was a minor faux pas,
which meant the king was last at his table
to be served the sauce for the main course.
Wow.
It's amazing when you get that inside scoop.
Hey, in banquet gossip,
I have to say...
I don't think it's going to cap the sauce incident.
You're right. It goes alongside it.
So there's this blog written by a former
planning secretary for the banquet
talking about the issues she'd come up against.
And one of the things is a seating plan,
which is very difficult with 1300 people.
So obviously a lot of colleagues attend together
because they're in the same science research group.
And she says eating plans do sometimes request
that they be seated as far
from their colleagues as possible.
People have said.
There was one a few years ago
where an American attendee
and a Swedish attendee who didn't know each other
were sat next to each other and they're still married today.
So that's nice.
So nice.
And there was one where one of the Nobel laureates
invited his ex-wife and his wife
and apparently
the Nobel committee received strict instructions
to seat the ladies as far apart as possible
without any possibility of eye contact.
Oh, okay. It was the peace prize.
OK, it is time for our final fact of the show
and that is my fact.
My fact this week is that two
recently recovered stolen Van Gogh paintings
would buy you enough
cocaine that you could
snort a continuous line
from here to Moscow.
And you'd still have a bit left over
for when you get there.
So the reason that we know this
is that two, you might have seen in the news this week,
two very famously
stolen Van Gogh paintings
which were taken back in 2002
from the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam
were recovered and they were found in Italy,
near Naples, in the property
of a famous cocaine mafia
cartel
and the idea is that they were using these
paintings as currency.
So we found out how much
one Van Gogh would be worth.
We doubled it and then we worked out how much cocaine
that would be equivalent of.
It's a shame that you have to make this swap
because once you've given away the paintings
you've got nothing to snort the cocaine off of.
Because that's the most rock and roll
moment of your life.
When these two
paintings disappeared, they
actually found the people that they thought
may have stolen it.
There were two people since prison, weren't there?
Yes. The main one was called Octave Durham
and he was known to the police
as the monkey
because he was so good at evading arrest.
As monkeys are.
People tried to slap the cuffs on the monkey,
of course.
I checked and actually only two monkeys
have been arrested in the last year.
One was
for harassing locals in Mumbai
and the other was after
a high-speed chase in Washington state.
He was sitting on the back of the guy who was driving
so it hardly seems fair and they did
let it go quite quickly afterwards
They were filling the rest.
They never recovered the paintings from them
but they assumed it was them because
at the site they found their DNA
on the ropes, on the ladders
and on both hats that they left behind.
Like a monkey wears a hat.
The banana peels everywhere.
One of the things is that
they got four years jail sentence
and they were denying it obviously
and they thought maybe the reason they hadn't admitted to it
and probably played against them in the trial
is the fact that
Dutch law states that if there is a stolen
bit of art and it's missing for 30 years
whoever is in possession of it owns it
so they thought that they were going to wait 30 years
and then go
oh look what we found and then
and legally that's fine.
It's incredible isn't it that that might be true.
They own it but would they still go to prison
for committing the crime?
Well they did the time I guess.
For the theft.
Apparently all these old laws date from the time
when Amsterdam
and Rotterdam were massive ports where people could
steal things and then just disappear
and so they have a load of kind of slightly weird
arcane laws that still are on the statute books.
We have a law about that. We have a finders keepers law
where if you find something, have it into the police
and then a few weeks later
it's been unclaimed. You get it.
Is there a losers weepers law?
LAUGHTER
There has been another development
in art theft news
so the FBI has a top 10
art crimes list which I didn't know
and one of them is a theft
in 1990 from the Isabella Stewart
Gardner Museum in Boston
and this year the FBI dug up the garden
of a mafia boss called Roberto Gentile
to try to find it.
They didn't find any of the paintings that were missing
and this is the evidence they've got against him.
He did a polygraph test which assessed the likelihood
he was telling the truth about not being
involved at less than 0.1%.
He was found to have
a handwritten list of the stolen artworks
and their values
and he was recorded
telling an FBI agent he had
two of the stolen paintings.
This is the biggest ever art theft
in the US and the way they did it
is so
movie star style.
They dressed up as policemen, these two guys
and they turned up and said to the security guards
hey we got a call about
disturbance in this art gallery full of priceless
things can we get in
and so the security guards let them in
and then as soon as they'd been let in
they said in your face this is a robbery
in fact I think they were quite polite about it
they did the classic thing they said
gentlemen this is a robbery
and then tied them up and stole the stuff.
Kim Kardashian got robbed
and they reckon that might have been the
Pink Panther gang
and they really have lots of these kind of tricks
like sometimes they get away on bikes
dressed as women and sometimes they get away
in speed boats and one time
so they didn't get spotted
they put wet paint signs on all the
benches nearby so no one would sit on them
and always with the theme tune
da-dum
da-dum da-dum
da-dum
I read an interesting story about Art Heist
so there was a story about a guy
who he was called Radu Dogura
and he stole $26.38 million worth of art
and so he was caught and he was going to trial
and he said that he was willing to divulge
where all of the art was
the only condition was that he got a Dutch
trial instead of a Romanian trial
because it turns out that
the laws are different in every different country
for how severe a sentence you get
for stealing art and the Dutch laws
are way less severe than they are in Romania
where they're extremely severe
so it's a difference between four years in jail
and 20 years in jail
so I looked for the best place to steal art from
and
and it turns out
it's on Norwegian cruises
okay
so a guy, a Kentucky native
called Kevin Hudgens
he recently stole, it was a copy of a Rembrandt
still worth about 13,000 American dollars
and he stole it
but he happened to steal it while the cruiser
he was on docked in Bermuda
and in Bermuda they just don't care
it's fine and his trial
because wherever the boat docks
that's where you are the law of
and so he got fined 500 dollars
for stealing it
as opposed to 20 years in jail had he docked in
Romania for example
so if you're on a cruise and there's a good bit of art
check out where you're docking
don't get a cruise to Romania
but if you're heading to Bermuda
have a look at the walls on the ship
I mean Romania is
it's not completely Langloct
there's not that many cruises go there
at all
has anyone else been researching cocaine news
just quickly on that
so this is a story from last week in Seattle
the police got handed a suitcase
which had been lost and they said well let's look inside
and see if we can find any clues
to whoever might have owned it
they opened it up, they found 31 bags of cocaine
a scale for all the cocaine
some marijuana
in case you got bored of cocaine
and a 19 year old man's
ID card and mobile phone
a little while after this
had been handed in a 19 year old man
approached police
saying he had lost his briefcase
and he needed it back as it contained
some extremely important paperwork
oh man
he was arrested because of
all the cocaine
yeah
I found one bit of cocaine news
a new study
scientists have found that cocaine makes
fish feel drowsy
yeah they gave some cocaine
to some zebrafish
and also they can take 100 times more cocaine
than mice can
and a thousand times more cocaine than humans can
wow
but they're just blinking very very very fast
that's slow, I guess
yeah it slows them down
oh yeah of course, bizarre
there was another study on cocaine
last week actually
so it turns out that
it's not turning into cocaine news
what kind of cocaine news
do you want news, we got news
the reason Andy's so anxious
is that it's most likely his cocaine
is cut with a flesh eating substance
so 65% of cocaine in this country
is now cut with this thing called
levamisol
which literally rots human flesh
and so yeah I know nice
it's used by farmers to purge their livestock
of parasitic worms usually
but it also serves this extra purpose
and it keeps the weight off
okay that's it
that's all of our facts, just time to share
with you the four stories that we didn't have time
to get through during the show
and we're gonna start with mine
my fact is that North Korea has banned sarcasm
because Kim Jong-un
is worried that people are only agreeing
with him ironically
okay mine is that the police
in Utah have officially recommended
against shooting random clowns
Andy?
this is from the Times of India
a building in Massachusetts had to be evacuated
after residents complained about a peculiar smell
which turned out to be caused by a man
cooking urine in his flat
finally Anna?
yeah this is from the National Post
of Canada
and this is that after the official opening
of a ring road in Edmonton Canada
on Saturday
motorists were surprised by a large
electronic sign announcing
we done bitches
that's all from me
Andy James and Anna
we'll be back again next week
we've been no such thing as the news
good night