No Such Thing As A Fish - 27: No Such Thing As An Egg And Cress Portsmouth

Episode Date: September 19, 2014

Episode 27 - Dan (@schreiberland), Anna (@nosuchthing), Andy (@andrewhunterm), and special guest Helen Zaltzman (@helenzaltzman) discuss little old ladies in space, a gang of spying squirrels, Gandalf the Grey's real name, and more...

We run it on QI a few years ago. Yeah. Which was, there's no such thing as a fish. There's no such thing as a fish. No, seriously, it's in the Oxford Dictionary of Underwater Life. It says it right there, first paragraph, no such thing as a fish. Hello, and welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast coming to you from the QI offices in Covent Garden. My name is Dan Shriver, I'm sitting with two of the regular elves, Andy Murray and Anna Chazinski, and we have a special guest today, it's the co-host of Answer Me This, Helen Zaltzman. And once again, we've gathered around with our favorite four facts from the last week, and here they are, in no particular order.

Okay, fact number one, and that's you, Helen. Yes, I discovered that LOL, the acronym that people now use to signify the fact that they're weak-minded and words are inadequate for their own needs. Used to me, not laugh out loud, or even lots of love, but little old lady, which doesn't come up that much now in Twitter and text speak, but it was a medical definition, and they had a whole list of little old lady-related abbreviations, like lolinad, which was little old lady in no apparent distress, which you would think, why did they need to note the absence of distress, or you would just note the fact that she was distressed, and lol, which stood for little old lady, fall down, go boom.

That's a very common complaint, isn't it? Yeah, you have to be very careful because some of them are unstable. Is this the thing like the medical slang that I think the doctors used to write on charts? Is that where it comes from? Because there's a story that keeps on surfacing about the three-letter acronyms your doctor uses, like flk means funny-looking kid. Ouch. I think they've not been used for a very long time. My friends use them, they're doctors. Yeah, they're still a news mate, yep.

I found another lol, which was through NASA. NASA, when they were sending all of their missions, they had sort of, I guess, I don't know if it's right to call them primitive computer systems, but they had a thing called core-rope memory, which was basically a read-only memory style computer that they used, and it was made in factories by effectively little old ladies, and it's called lol memory, and it means little old lady memory. And yeah, little old ladies, often their memories are really erratic. They'll remember childhood, but not things that happened last week. Yeah, it's literally the worst style of memory you want to send on a mission to Mars.

My grandmother was always calling me by one of my brother's names because she just couldn't remember. Yeah, imagine if Hal on her 2001 Space Odyssey was lol, she was a little old lady. What's your name? Do you want a biscuit? I can't do that, Brian, or Sydney, whatever. So, Morse code had a list of official abbreviations written up in 1878, and it's quite funny because you look through them, so it's called the Philips code, and it's obviously like, if you're transmitting in Morse code and you want to speed things up, there are a few things

that you say a lot, so you need to, so you assign them a number rather than spelling it out. So, they're kind of obvious. Stuff like five is, have you got business for me? Twenty-two is wire test. Twenty-three is all copy. Eighty-eight is love and kisses. Aww. It's the only one that's like that. All the rest of them that you would try. I mean, a number eighty-eight, though, yeah. It's a shame it wasn't higher up the rankings. No, it wasn't.

That also sounds like the most boring bingo callers in the world. Yeah. Number five, wire test. Love and kisses, that's great. I also was, because this whole idea of finding words that were used for different meanings previously, I read this blog written by Ann Kersen, who's a language expert, and she was talking about how different words and what they were previously used for. So, the word guy, to mean a guy, do you know where that comes from?

It's not from Guy Fawkes, is it? According to her, yes. Really? Yeah, it comes directly from Guy Fawkes. Oh, seems too obvious to be true. It does, I think I would have assumed that, and then there was going to be a twisted, weird answer. And then somehow, and it was mainly in America that it picked up, that it just became Guy, but it was off the back of Guy Fawkes, according to her.

It's weird that it's in America it picks up, given that it is a fundamentally British thing. They have no investment in Guy Fawkes, and also it suggests that they think all men are merely effigies of humanity. But it's certainly set fire to you. It's true, it's true, but it must have been like the original Action Man, I guess, in America, but it was called Guy, so it was just like, okay, this is a guy. Did you use a set fire to all your Action Men? No, I'm just saying, Action Man's called Action Man, right?

He's not called Mark, like it's an Action Man, and this was a Guy toy. Have you got your Guy toy? What is Action Man's real name? I don't know if Action Man has a name. That is a great question. That is a brilliant question. We're raising more than we're solving today. I hope it's something really embarrassing, like Walter.

Yeah, Wayne, Wayne Man. Man is definitely his last name, yeah. I've got a real name for Action Man. Yep, right, this is in the TV series from 1995, who is a man suffering from amnesia, who is a pointed leader of Team Xtreme fighting against the evil Doctor X. He later learns his real name is Matthew Exler. Exler. Yeah, E-X-L-E-R, not a good name.

Is this TV series canon in the Action Man genre? According to Action Man Wiki, his name as an Action Man toy is Matthew Exler as well. I learned a good thing of things that other things used to be called while we're in this category. Oh yeah. So sandwiches, I've been researching, because obviously they're named after, but not invented by the 4th Earl of Sandwich. He was only called Sandwich because his great-grandfather, the first Earl, was given the chance to choose a town for the peerage to be named after when he was given a peerage.

And he chose Sandwich because it's where his fleet was anchored, he was a big admiral. And he originally didn't want to choose Sandwich, but he chose it because his first choice was Portsmouth, and it was already a Lord Portsmouth, and he had a bit of an argy-bargy about who would get to be the Earl of Portsmouth. So we could all be having Egg and Crest Portsmouth today. How cool is that? That's very cool, yeah. It works, a Portsmouth.

I can imagine saying that. It actually is more of a sensible word than Sandwich. How many choose Portsmouth? Yes, please. Yeah, that worked. Much more inviting. Yeah, that felt very good. Just jumping on Portsmouth, something that should have had a different name as well,

Gandalf the Grey. Wasn't going to be called Gandalf the Grey. What was it going to be called? Action Man. He was going to be called Action Mad Grey. He was going to be called Bladethin, which is not what you should call an old man with a beard. Bladethin.

That's probably a trouble. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, B-L-A-D-O-R-T-H-I-N. That was a name that was eventually given to a dead king who's mentioned just once. I'm not surprised he's mentioned just once. Bladethin. Yeah, Reedus didn't go for that. Won't bring him back.

Yeah. So I enjoy the battle of emoticons, where the first emoticon appeared. So I think we researched some of this for QI last year. This is related to Lolls, right? Everyone sees something. Yep. So there was a smiley face, apparently, in a transcript of a speech by Lincoln, which is just a semi-colon and a closed bracket.

So Winky. Yeah. We have won the Battle of Gettysburg. Wing. Wing, wing. Does that mean he has won or he's not? I just changed the history books. That might be the most revealing thing a document has ever shown.

That was history altered, as the equivalent of fingers crossed behind the back. Or not, in the constitution. So I think it's a typo. But now there's one in 1648, which someone has found in a 1648 poem. It's called To Fortune by Robert Herrick. It has the word smiling yet. And then it has a colon and then a closed brackets. And it is in brackets, so it's probably also a typo.

But the first actual emoticons, definitely emoticons were in Puck, weren't they in 1881? We'll put this on the website. What's Puck? Puck is a humor magazine, a satirical magazine in the 19th century. And so basically it was in a joke about how they didn't want to keep paying cartoonists. So there's quite a funny little paragraph they say where they say, cartoonists are totally overrated. We don't need you as stupid, overpaid, overvalued art.

We can create art just with our typewriters. And then it gives you a smiley face, a grumpy face, a bored face, and a surprised face below created with typography. And they're the first Smiley's Puck, 1881. And yet you would think that back then, when it was a lot harder to type than it is now, because keyboards were quite beefy. And before that, scribes had a lot of work to do. You'd think that emoticons would have been more expedient than they are now.

Now it's easier than ever to type a word, and yet people are less inclined. Yes, so you're saying they were justified in 1881. But now, no. Get over it, people. Yes. Biotapestry could have saved a big drawing of Harold. Just do a winky face, actually originally meant, has been shot in eye. Maybe that, like, an hour in an eye is just typography for winky face back in those days.

That's all he was doing. OK, time for fact number two, and that's my fact. My fact this week is, according to researchers at Glasgow Caledonian University, listening to Billy Connolly can substantially increase your tolerance to pain. Wow. Is it because after you've listened to Billy Connolly everything else seems insignificant, or is it that Billy Connolly really distracts you from the pain and makes you feel more positive? It's a positive thing.

It was basically an ice bucket challenge. They put patients' fists into buckets of ice, and they found that when they were listening to Billy Connolly, it actually increased the length of time that they could keep their hand inside there. So it distracted them. It distracted them, and it made them sort of enjoy having their fists in a bucket of ice. This is directly from an article that announced the findings of these scientists from April 7th, 2003.

So boffins have proved that laughter is opening. So immediately, very much a... Torturity. Yeah. What do these bloody dweebs find out then? OK. Nerdburgers have proved that laughter really is the best medicine, with some help from Billy Connolly's stand-up routines.

A team of scientists discovered that the Big Yins pattern acts as a painkiller. Psychologists compared people's pain thresholds while listening to music, comedy, and doing mental arithmetic. The Glasgow Caledonian University team claims vintage Connolly... Only vintage, apparently. None of the new stuff. None of the new stuff. Increased tolerance of pain by up to three times.

I completely buy this, actually. It was a three-year study. The weird thing is that things were different for men and women. So for women, the most effective pain relief was not actually from the comedy. It was from hearing their favourite music. And if you're allowed to choose your own music, that hasn't... And also a beneficial effect on the kind of... It's the gateway theory, isn't it?

It's one theory of pain that by blocking the pain from getting through with another stimulus... Yeah. People could be listening to this show whilst having minor surgery to take their mind off it. I don't know if our chat about doctors at the beginning is going to get us into hospitals now. In the... I think it was around 1910 or 1915, a woman had a grapefruit-sized tumor removed from her ovaries. She had the surgery on her kitchen table.

And even though anesthesia existed at that point, she didn't have any. She just sang hymns to stave off the pain. Wow. Did it work? Were they quite high-pitched? She said now. His hymn has gone very high-pitched and shrieky, I guess. No, it's definitely in the notes.

Yeah, a tip for dentists and people carrying out minor surgery. Turn to hymn 454 in your books. Nearer my god to thee. Oh, no, not nearer my god to thee. Not that one. There's no evidence that the surgeon's forced anesthesia upon this woman just to shut her up. It'd be super distracting, wouldn't it? And also, I mean, she wouldn't be still.

So, yeah, high-risk dental surgery. That'd be really irritating, wouldn't it? There are amazing things which can increase your tolerance to pain. They've tried smells on people and... Morpheme. They've tried working in a team, so they tested on rowers. They tried rows from the Oxford Boat Race Squad and they put them in a team and they had a higher pain threshold

when they were working together or when they had been training together than when they were separate, so... So, we're going to perform surgery on you, but if all your friends also agree to have surgery performed on them at the same time, it's going to be better for you. Yeah. Maybe it just seems rudeer to moan when you know that everyone else is feeling the same pain as you.

Can I tell you about one guy? Football match FA Cup final Manchester City, Birmingham in 1956. The goalkeeper from the city was called Bert Troutman. He broke his neck after diving for the ball and played on. Wow. He made a series of crucial saves and his team won 3-1. Wow. I know.

A 2006 study found that people with migraines, people who get migraines have 20% more sexual desire. There you go. Again, is it to take their minds off it? I don't know if it's pain killing. It's just not taking your mind off it, is it? Yeah. Yeah.

Tonight, dear, I've got a headache. Pop on. There was quite a good 2008 study at Stanford. It showed traumatic pictures to its study participants, and I just like it because it sounds like a traumatic study to be involved in, and found that if you encourage the participants to make jokes about the traumatic thing you are watching, then it decreased their negative feelings about it.

And if you encourage them to make positive jokes, it really decreased their negative feelings about it. So they were showing pictures of, this is the list, ranging from car accidents and corpses to aggressive animals and dental exams. God. But I'm so impressed that the study participants could make funny jokes. If someone says they make a positive joke about that picture of a dead person now, I'm quite impressed they could all do it.

The thing is, they kind of like mock the weak in that sense. OK, time to move on. Time to go to fact number three, and that is Chasinski. My fact is that the first woman to cycle around the world learned to ride a bike the day before she set off. Well, she probably figured she could pick it up on the mission. Yeah, you got long enough. Yeah, by practice.

All I like is that in the 1890s, the records for round the world travel and the records for cycling around the world were both broken by women. She was quite unexpected. Nelly Bly was a woman who wanted to imitate Philius Fogg and do round the world in 80 days, did it in 72. Who was this woman who cycled around the world? She was called Annie Cohen Kopchowski. She was originally Latvian.

She was 23 years old at the time. Jewish married mother of three children lived in Boston and she just decided she was going to do it. She was such an amazing character. So she was a real racunter. She told amazing stories. So it's very hard to know actually what her story is true and what's not. But she said, you know, I got on a bike the day before, had two lessons

and set off and she claimed she did this because she'd heard these two men in a bar make a bet that no woman could travel around the world on a bike. And so she decided to challenge them. And she was offered a $10,000 reward if she made it, which she did. So she got that. Interestingly, when she did it, she wasn't called Annie Cohen Kopchowski. She was called Annie London Dairy because she got sponsorship from London Dairy Spring Water. So they paid her $100 to change her name and have their branding on the back of her bike.

That's hilarious. It's good, isn't it? Wow. So it dates back a lot. Yeah. So much further than I had realized. Yeah. When you're cycling around the world, what are the rules about crossing water? Could you do the least amount of land cycling possible and just take a boat for most of the way? And she did do a lot of boating.

You would have to really because of oceans. There was a very snarky thing that was said about it when she got back, which was they said she traveled around the world with a bike, not on a bike. She was the first woman to travel around the world with a bike. Nelly Bly did not take a bike. Still a record, guys. And she made up a lot of things about her life, didn't she? Yes, she made up for it.

She said that she studied medicine for two years and she was a married mother of three. And she was sold in the newspaper stories as an unmarried and childless woman. Maybe she just wanted to get away from the kids. Have any of you been following the progress of Mr Ballsy, who is a man who, in order to raise awareness of testicular cancer, of which he is a survivor and currently in remission, is pushing a giant inflatable testicle across the United States from Los Angeles to New York? He's started on the 3rd of September, so he's done a few hundred miles and he's got 4,000 left to go. And he's been through some desert, so he's quite lucky that the testicle hasn't punctured yet.

Well, he can shelter in the shade of it, though, to protect himself from the heat. How big is it? Six feet diameter. And he's just rolling it along? He's rolling it along. And if you meet him along the way, then you can write things on the testicle. Great. That's great.

Yeah, that is so cool. Mr Ballsy sounds like a good Mr Man as well. Mr Ballsy went for it. He didn't care. Was he called Ballsy originally or was he sponsored by the Ballsy Company? His name is Thomas Cantley. But yeah, Andy, we're saying she made up fantastical stories about her life. This woman.

And it was partly, I think, how she funded her trip. So she'd sell her stories to give lectures along the way and stuff. So a few of the things she claimed was that she spoke several languages, that she'd been to a whole bunch of countries that she definitely didn't go to, that she'd hunted tigers with Indian royalty. She was almost killed by what's called Asiatics, because they thought she was an evil spirit. She fought in the Sino-Japanese War in 1895,

where she fell through a frozen river and ended up in a Japanese prison with a bullet wound in her shoulder. And then she was attacked by highwaymen in Marseille. She was just a brilliant storyteller. People loved it. Not surprisingly. Well, you would, wouldn't you? If no one was there to check, you wouldn't just say, yeah, it was fine.

Yeah, I stayed in OK Hotel. Yeah, you're right. Do you think the men in the bar who were betting that a woman could never cycle around the world, do you think they existed or were they just a fiction to get her to do this trip? I don't know. You can imagine men betting that. I thought the idea was that they were just making those kind of bets. And she thought, oh yeah, that's because they call it the age of round the world bets.

No one's ever traced the men. She made them up. Yeah. But nonetheless, very cool. I found a lady called Juliana Boering was the first lady to cycle actually around the world. And the rules. And it was in 2012, which staggers me. I know.

Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? You would have thought they'd done it ages ago. Yeah, yeah. But when we say actually, we mean without taking a boat most of the way, which to be fair, it's what Annie Lantenderry did. Or a plane. Yeah. So there are official rules about it.

I think these must be Guinness World Record rules. You have to cycle the same distance as the circumference of the earth, which is 24,900 miles. You have to go in one direction and start and finish in the same place. So you are allowed to go by sea and air. But you have to cycle at least 18,000 miles of the route. So that's the rules. And she actually, Ms. Boering, she had only been riding a road bike properly for eight months,

which is not quite the same as learning the day before. But still, it's not much training. Yeah, she's not a pro, is she? Wow. Yeah, I thought 2012 was late. When women started cycling, obviously it was very controversial in the 19th century, because it was thought of as an inappropriate thing for women to be doing. And New York newspaper released a list of rules for women cycling, a list of advice,

which included things like, don't try to ride in your brother's clothes just to see how it feels. Don't scream if you meet a cow. If she sees you first, she will run. And don't use bicycle slang. Leave that to the boys. Bicycle slang. Bicycle slang. It was a very bawdy, subjective language.

Yeah, it was. What about things like how not to flash their bloomers? Well, they weren't supposed to wear bloomers at first, but then they started because they were much more sensible, a tight earthen. I think people wanted to keep women wearing proper clothing, rather than changing for cycling. So they sold special, likely boned corsets for ladies, like those of the American Lady Corset Company,

which offered $100 of free bicycle insurance with every biking corset sold. Also that came with the bike. Insurance was a massive thing. Used to get insurance if you read the Daily Mail. You would have insurance against railway accidents. If you could prove it, you had a copy of the coupon from the paper on you when you were maimed in a railway accident,

then you would be given a hundred pounds of insurance. Wow, what a handy thing to have around. I love the original title of the bicycle, because it wasn't originally called Bicycle. I mean, there was a more primitive version of a bicycle called the Velocipede. Isn't that great? Velocipede. Velocipede.

Yeah, it sounds so much speedier and cooler. I thought you would say they didn't want women to cycle because it was dangerously liberating. It was that. You can move around more. You can move to the next village and find maybe another man, not the man that your uncle wanted to marry. The thing that I love about Annie Lunderderry is

she just, it's of that period. I mean, I think we still have people like that living today, but when you read stories about them, it's like, oh, I'm going to cycle the world. Oh, I don't know how to cycle kind of thing. It's just these brilliant eccentrics who just went off and did these huge endurance feats. Like Mary Kingsley, I look at her and just go,

what an extraordinary person. She just went off and did it in a time where she was told, you shouldn't be doing that. She was an explorer, wasn't she? Yeah, she was an explorer. She went to West Africa. She used to do this thing whenever she would rock up to a tribe that would just not necessarily had any contact.

And she was told, the majority of these places, they will just kill you on site. And her thing was she just didn't care. She just used to run into the villages and just yell, don't worry, it's only me. And she survived them all the days. On round the world stuff, another random connection, the first ship to travel round the world twice

was called HMS Dolphin. It was in the 1760s, but it was captained by Lord Byron's grandfather. And he was the same guy who named and claimed the Falkland Islands. So when he was on HMS Dolphin, he bumped into the Falklands, went, can I call these the Falklands?

And King George, they yours. He was very accident prone. He was called Falweather Jack. That was his nickname. It was whenever he went, he had an amazing, unerring neck of sailing into massive storms and hurricanes and tempests. Oh god, really?

Yeah. So you can imagine the crew's delight when they saw him walking up the gang flag. Oh, great. Hey, guys. This is going to be fun, hey. Have you all brought your umbrellas? Yeah.

Okay, time for our final fact of the show, and that is Andy Murray. Okay, my fact is, when squirrels are attacked by snakes, they increase their blood pressure so much that their tail gives off more infrared radiation and it makes them look bigger. That is really cool.

Just the tail or the rest of the squirrel as well? Just the tail, really. Yeah. I should specify, this is with Californian ground squirrels, and it's when they're dealing with rattlesnakes. Now rattlesnakes can see in infrared, and so when they are confronted,

they heat up their tail deliberately, they increase the temperature, and then they wave it in the snake's face. And to the snake's infrared-sensing organs, it looks as though there's a much larger creature there. And when they see other snakes, they don't do it. They do wave their tail around,

but they know the snakes. The rattlesnake can see in infrared? Yeah, they know the rattlesnake can see in infrared, even though the squirrel can't see in infrared. It knows the rattlesnake can. And when it meets a gopher snake, which can't see in infrared, it doesn't do it.

I mean, it doesn't know it can see in infrared. It's evolved to learn that the rattlesnake doesn't like just so anyway. Maybe it's just a coincidence, a happy coincidence. But as Helen says, it doesn't see a huge animal, it sees a small squirrel with a gigantic tail. Is that what was happening? And they're scared of tails?

They can't be. They're terrified of tails. They're snakes for goodness sake. They've got their own lethal tails. There's a type of squirrel where its genitals are 40% the length of its body. So I wonder whether rattlesnakes like... I'm not bothering you.

And that squirrel can auto-filate. Yeah, it gives it self-filatio. Oh, goodness. That is a good claim again. I saw a photo of it, and its testicles are 20% the length of its body, and it's just outrageous. If you see them in infrared,

they're twice as big as that. These are South African ground squirrels. Someone worked out that if they were humans, they'd have a 35-centimeter scrotum. That's inconvenient, isn't it? Yeah. On a bicycle, especially. Apparently, in 2007, in Iran,

they arrested 14 squirrels on suspicion of espionage. Wow. That's wonderful. So, wait, what were the squirrels doing in Iran? Well, they thought that they'd been all kitted up by the enemy to go in and do squirrel espionage. Were they kitted up? What, with magnifying glass windows?

Tooled up squirrels. They've got a collection of cars. They've got rations. Because if I found a squirrel like carrying an enigma machine or something, I would actually be suspicious that something was going on. Yeah, but someone is going to a lot of effort

for a YouTube viral, certainly. Yeah. Animal defence mechanisms are extraordinary, aren't they? Because some of them are obvious, like making yourself look big. But others, like the horned lizards in Texas, can shoot blood up to five feet out of its eyes.

But then it's lost a third of its blood, so it's not exactly a fainting feat, is it? Has to go up and collect all the blood again. Yeah, but you wouldn't have, if I was picking my own fish in a restaurant tank and one shot blood out of its eyes, probably pick a different fish. Yeah.

Fair enough. Sea cucumbers, well, they shoot their internal organs out of their anuses. And you think, well, that's really going to scare an enemy, isn't it? Oh, look, I've had a prolapse. Get away. They shoot their intestines.

I mean, that's intestines. They just, that's a pretty severe bullet to get to the face. It's a bold move. It is a very bold move. How do you get them back in? Is it like on a spring? They just grow new ones. They just grow new ones.

Oh, really? They take ages. Fair enough. That's how sea cucumbers roll. Cool. There are squirrels which can do other things as well. So one of, California ground squirrels, they chew on old skins from rattlesnakes.

And then they lick themselves and their pups. And this makes them smell half like a squirrel and half like a snake. And it means that the snakes leave them alone. And they've tested on snakes. Really? They've given them stuff that smells like squirrels, like snakes, and then this half and half mix.

And they only go for the stuff which smells exclusively like a squirrel. So that's how they protect themselves. Other ones have ultrasound. Squirrels are incredible. What's the thing you were telling me about eagles the other day with squirrels? If they're being hunted by a bird of prey,

they will go round and round a tree very first to disorient the bird, which will start spiraling and then crash into the branches of the tree and be embarrassed and have to leave because of its embarrassment. They're amazing. That sounds like something out of a cartoon. It does, doesn't it?

Not sure. Squirrels versus rattlesnakes does seem like a classic cartoon setup. Oh, they've got to do that. In the like Alien versus Predator series, and their whole series of films, they've got to do squirrels versus predator snakes. Yeah, and it wouldn't be much worse

than the most recent Alien versus Predator films. So is it definitely that it's not an intimidation thing to the rattlesnake? It's that they think it's bigger? Because I read a thing where it said that what it in fact does, it says to the rattlesnake that I know that you're there, rather than being a sort of like, whoa,

that's a big squirrel. Better not mess with that one. I don't know if they know exactly what effect they think they're having on the rattlesnake. But they're not asked. Whether it's attack or defense or anything like that. But it seems to have a desired effect. Oh, okay.

Yeah. It would just probably shock them. In the same way that cats do it, I mean, lots of animals do it, don't they? That's why we get goosebumps. Well, they think that. What so we look bigger? Yeah.

Yeah. So it's not the most functional defense mechanism? All the hair, right? It's a hangover from when we were covered in hair. Okay. People think they're not sure. All the hairs rise up. Yeah, yeah.

And therefore you look slightly bigger and more intimidating. Very smart. I mean, I agree it's a shit defense mechanism. Well, you look like you've just been blow-dried. Yeah, and that's scary. Yeah. That is scary. He looks after himself.

But I know it's a fight. Yeah, that's true. Speaking of things that shoot out of the eyeballs, so the toad you were just talking about, do you guys know about the Mongolian death worm? No. Okay. So no one's technically seen a Mongolian death worm.

Oh, God. Okay, the made-up death worm. Yeah, it's like Yeti's and Brian bless it. They don't exist. It is encrypted. There are people in Mongolia who claim to have seen it. It's definitely encrypted. But what I like about it is its defense mechanism

is that it can shoot acid from its eyes and lightning bolts from its ass. What? Yeah. Yeah, this made-up creature can shoot lightning off it. Sorry, who came up with this? It's a Mongolian fiction. Fiction.

Right, yeah. That is incredible. We should be able to utilize that in science somehow. Lightening bolts from the ass. Lightning from an anus. It's like Dan's crypto corner, isn't it? Every week they'll be, and if you spot where it is, you let us know and you'll win a book.

It's a particular kind of ant that can shoot a nuclear holocaust. There is a termite though that explodes if you're eating it. So if it gets eaten by its prey, it kind of suicide bombs itself and it takes out the prey that's eating it. Now we are. And see, through fiction, we found our way back to fact. Yes, we did.

Well done. Can I tell you one more thing about squirrels? Yeah, please. Okay, so there are arctic ground squirrels and they hibernate for eight months of the year. But when they're hibernating, their body temperature drops to minus three degrees Celsius, which is the lowest body temperature

any mammal has ever been recorded as having. As in right in the middle, its core is minus three. How do they do that? Some fish do the same thing. It's called being super cooled and they live in sub-zero temperatures. But they know how the fish do it because they have a kind of antifreeze in their blood,

but the squirrels don't have that. So they have no idea how they do it. Also on squirrels, they plant more trees than humans do because 74% of the nuts they bury, they forget where they put them. Wow. Idiots.

Idiots. They're too busy auto-filating. Goosebumps, which we weren't talking about. Grey books. Oh, yeah. R.L. Stein. Excellent series. He tweeted me once.

That was the most exciting moment. Well, I tweeted him first. He tweeted back. Did he just tweet you saying, whoo? Sorry, Anna. Sorry. It's a weird bumpy texture.

But goose bumps are called hen bumps in French and Spanish, chicken bumps in Dutch and Chinese, and duck bumps in Hebrew. But there's a real paltry theme. There's definitely a paltry theme. Everyone's got the same idea, and they've just gone to site different ways with freaking English.

I think maybe cold turkey has something to do with that as well. When people are coming off drugs, they get massive goose bumps, and people are like, well, that's like when you've got a turkey that you've plucked. Oh, really?

OK. Turkeys which have been plucked do look like that. Like heroin addicts. Pete Docherty's look. Put Pete in the oven for four hours. OK. That's it. That's all of our facts.

Thanks so much, everyone, for listening to this show. If you want to talk to any of us about the things that we've said during the course of this episode, you can get us all on our Twitter handles. I'm on at Shriverland. Andy at Andrew Hunter M. Helen.

Helen Zoltzman. And how can they follow the podcast? Oh, they can go to antsmeethispodcast.com for all of the podcast information they want about that podcast. Yep, and Anna. You can email podcast at ui.com. OK, still not on Twitter.

You can also go to our website and hear all the previous episodes that we've done. That's on nosuchthingasafish.com. And yep, we'll see you again next week with another episode of No Such Thing As A Fish. Goodbye. Hey, everybody. One more thing before we go.

If you live in the UK and you have a television, tune in to BBC Two at 8.30 p.m. on Monday night to watch Only Connect where you can watch the QILs, James, Andy, and Ann take on all of the country's best boffins, geeks, dorks, nerd burgers, all of our favorite people.

And you can see how they do. We'll be tweeting it and following it live as it goes out. So you can talk to us as it goes along. And yeah, we'll see how they do. Catch you next week.