No Such Thing As A Fish - 83: No Such Thing As A Flying Sniffer Dog
Episode Date: October 16, 2015Live from the Salford Lowry theatre, Dan, James, Anna and Andy discuss courageous cats, extreme parking, weird awards and moths' invisibility cloaks. ...
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Hello, and welcome to another episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, a weekly podcast this
week coming to you from the Lowry in Salford.
My name is Dan Schreiber, joining me on the stage is the three regular elves, it's Andy
Murray, Anna Czazinski, and James Harkin.
And once again, we have gathered around the microphones with our four favorite facts
from the last seven days, and in no particular order, here we go.
Starting with my fact, my fact this week is the seventh time Park Ranger Roy Sullivan
was struck by lightning, coincided with the 22nd time he fought off a bear with a stick.
So this guy's a park ranger, he was, I think he was fishing at the time, so he was just
out there, he's been struck six times before, and then lightning was coming, and he just
thought I'll just stay here, probably nothing bad will happen.
Got struck by lightning, was running back to his car, and suddenly a bear comes out of
nowhere and he's just like, Jesus Christ, has to fight off a bear and then went back
home.
Murray must have been amazing, bear, bear, lightning, lightning and bear.
But he, as I said, he's been struck seven times, he was almost struck eight times, but
the eighth time when he should have been struck, it hit his wife instead.
It sounds awful, it sounds terrible, because obviously he was interviewed, because he was
very, he became well known for this, and he said, naturally people avoid me, I was walking
with the chief ranger one day, and lightning struck way off, and he said, I'll see you
later Roy.
Then he said, there's a restaurant on Lough Mountain, but even it's just overcast, they
won't let me in.
It sounds awful, it sounds terrible, because time number four, this is August 1973, I think
he died in the early 80s, possibly, but in August 1973 he got in his car and he accelerated
because there was a cloud forming, and he was very nervous about storm clouds by this
point, and he outran it, stopped the car, got out of it to watch the storm hit by lightning
again.
They have a full list of all the times that he was...
The first time he lost his big toenail, to lightning, the fifth time a bolt came out
of a small low-lying cloud, hit him on the head through his hat, set his hair on fire
again, again, knocked him ten feet out of his car, and knocked his left shoe off.
Do you know why shoes come off when you get hit by lightning?
Is it because you watch cartoons?
So for example, when it hits a tree, lightning, it will sometimes explode a tree if the moisture
is in the middle of the tree, because it takes the path of least resistance.
People obviously, there's moisture everywhere, and we're 70% liquid, so it often dissipates
all over your skin, but when it does that, all the sweat and the moisture on you boil
into steam immediately, and sometimes so much steam is produced that your shoes will be
blown off.
That's what causes it.
So he got struck seven times.
I found someone who's been struck even more.
Really?
Yeah, recently, there's a guy called Melvin Roberts from South Carolina, and he at least
claims to have been struck ten times.
He was in the news in 2011 for being hit six times, and his wife says that he's been struck
another four times since.
By lightning, definitely.
She's not just finding him really annoying.
I think I found a group of people who've been struck by lightning even more than that.
Well, really?
Yeah, so I was reading the Forty in Times.
It's an amazing magazine, and in it, they had a small story where someone had written
in to contest the fact that Roy Sullivan was the most struck person of all time, and what
they said was that in 1995, a group of explorers who were up on a mountain, mountaineers, got
struck 20 times in 16 hours, a group of five, and they were in their tent, and they all
describe the moment that they were struck, and they were just in there getting struck
over and over again, 17 times, and they went, we've got to get out of there, out of here.
There's a rescue shelter down the mountain, so they started absailing, and while they
were doing that, they were struck three more times on the abseil down.
Oh my God.
To be fair, I do think you have to divide that by five, though, at which point you haven't
been in the record anymore.
Very good point.
It's all about the mass.
It sometimes goes from one person to another as well.
No.
Or it can hit, for example, it can rebound off a tree and into a horse or whatever.
And then it's less likely to kill you, because at least some of the forces have been dissipated.
Men account for 85% of lightning strikes, isn't that weird?
And the National Weather Service in the US speculated that this might be because men
tend to be unaware of all the dangers associated with lightning, more likely to be in vulnerable
situations, unwilling to be inconvenienced by the threat of lightning, and don't react
quickly to the lightning threat or any combination of these explanations.
So there's stupid, ignorant pigheaded, and they have very slow reactions.
That actually was just my interpretation, but I think that's the long and short of it.
A man in Croatia has admitted that he has not gone outside after hearing thunder since
lightning struck his penis in 2007.
Zoran Jerkovich said, my friends used to tease me, and I used to tease them back, saying
my penis has extraordinary ability now.
But it doesn't.
It's hard to tease them back when you've just got a sort of charred stunt to do.
So I think there might be something about Croatia.
God hates it or something.
So there's a Croatian woman who has been left recently with a severely burned anus
after a lightning strike, ended her mouth while she was cleaning her teeth and drinking
water from the tap, came to the tap, ended her mouth, and then left through the anus
so it could earth through the ground.
Apparently so.
The report said she was wearing rubber-soled shoes, so once the lightning had entered through
her mouth when she was drinking water from the tap, it took the easiest route and came
out of her rectum to reach her rubber-soled shoes.
You know, speaking of lightning coming out the bum, there actually is a fabled worm called
the Mongolian death worm, which is in Mongolia.
It's a massive worm, and all accounts of it say that it can shoot acid from its eyes
and lightning bolts from its anus.
Accounts.
I don't think they deserve the name accounts.
No one really knows why lightning happens, do they?
I mean, we kind of do.
When you're at school, they tell you it's because clouds are rubbing together or whatever, and
it kind of is that a little bit, but it's like ice going up in the clouds and water
coming down or the other way around, and they rub against each other, and it causes static
electricity like you would have with a balloon.
But no one really knows why it starts, and it's like a chain reaction that starts.
One theory you'll like this, Dan, apparently there's a latest theory coming from Russia
that it's cosmic rays, which come from outside the solar system and hit the earth, and that's
what starts the lightning in the first place.
Wow.
And no one knows what causes cosmic rays, really.
I mean, it could be supernovas or quasars or...
The Mongolian death worm.
We can't rule it out.
Yeah, amazing.
You know, America has two annual conferences for lightning strike survivors.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Don't they say about 80% of people struck by lightning actually survive a strike?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, 80% to 90% live, but it's not plain sailing after that.
It's not as though you have burns and then you recover, it can scramble your memory, and
there are all these long-term effects that we don't know about, and it just gets right
into your cells.
And there aren't enough cases that are studied in the medical literature to have a proper
body of science.
So it's a lot of guesswork, and yeah, there just isn't the money to try and work out what
exactly has happened.
Okay.
We're going to have to move on to our next fact in a minute.
Is there anything else you guys want to add?
Another thing that we can't explain is the lightning that happens at the beacon of Mara
Cabo, which is the most incredible place on the planet.
So this is a place in Venezuela.
It's the Catatumbo River, I think in Venezuela.
And it's one tiny spot where for 280 times an hour, for 10 hours a night, for 160 nights
a year, lightning strikes this exact same spot, and nobody knows why.
I reckon it could be Roy Sullivan doing some fishing.
But isn't that weird?
And it was mentioned first in a poem about Francis Drake in 1597, and fishermen use it
on this lake in Venezuela to light their way.
So if they're going fishing, they just use this class of lightning storm to say, okay,
well, there's the storm.
I guess we go towards that because that's where we'll get the best light slash die.
Yeah, no one knows what happens.
Wow.
That's amazing.
I did read about that.
And I think it replenishes the ozone layer, doesn't it?
Biggest source of ozone on Earth, the biggest single source of ozone on Earth.
So it's a good thing.
It is a good thing.
That's so cool.
Okay.
Fact number two, and that is James Harkin.
Okay.
My fact this week is that this year, America's Hero Dog of the Year award was won by a cat.
I can't have been a good night to be a dog.
Yeah.
So this is Tara, the cat, and I reckon some people will know it or will at least know the
cat itself because it's been a bit of an internet sensation.
There was a young child being mauled by a dog next to a car.
You might have seen the video on YouTube and then this cat runs on and kind of scares
the dog away and then runs off again and she became such a hero that she is now an honorary
dog.
Wow.
What a way to reward her to invite her to a ceremony full of dogs who are now pissed
off that a cat's one.
It is amazing.
She just full on runs into the dog.
She just smashes her head into it.
Have you guys seen that video?
You must have done it right.
Yeah.
It's good to watch.
Yeah.
There are other rewards, actually.
She was invited by the local baseball team, the Bakersfield Blaze, because this was in
Bakersfield in California.
They invited her to throw the first pitch.
No way.
Yeah, and a baseball game.
How did she do?
Well, it said on the news report that she was assisted by her family.
I've watched it and the family do a lot of assisting, I must say.
It goes wrong about five times and then basically a guy holding a cat throws a ball.
But this video is the first YouTube video in history to reach 20 million views in five
days.
Wow.
Really?
And the cat became a hero and the dog was put down.
Was it?
Yeah.
No way.
It did just bite it.
It had bitten the child really badly on the leg.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I'm on the dog side.
No, I'm not.
I'm not.
A long and noble history of impersonating dogs, though, don't they?
Because they bark, can bark like dogs.
If you have cats and dogs living together, then cats will learn to impersonate dogs.
What?
Okay, hang on.
No.
I've never...
Yeah.
I'm the Mongolian death-worn guy.
If you basically look and type into YouTube, cat barking like a dog.
Are you sure that a cat can bark like a dog and not that a dog can throw its voice?
Dogs are actually amazing ventriloquists and we've not realized.
But there is a really good video on YouTube of a cat owner.
I mean, I can't believe we're discussing YouTube memes, but let's do it.
Of a cat owner who sneaks up behind her cat, filming her cat sitting on a window ledge,
looking outside at a dog, which obviously lives with the family or lives next door,
so it's lived around it, and barking.
And it's honestly going...
The cat's going...
Ruff, ruff, ruff.
And it keeps doing this loads.
And then the person who's holding the camera sort of clears her throat and the cat hears
and looks around and starts going...
And the science came up with some bullshit explanation.
Like, oh, she turned her vocal cords as she turned around, which changed the tenor of her voice.
But it's quite clearly the cat guy whoopsie.
I've been caught right in the act of impersonating a dog.
So, just on heroic dogs, I have a couple of different kinds of heroic dogs
that we all know about, so bomb-detecting dogs and we know about guide dogs.
There is only one, I believe.
There's a great piece in The Guardian about this.
There is only one airborne nut allergy dog in the UK.
Sorry, the dog was airborne on the nut...
My fault, she had clarified.
So, there's a woman also called Tara, actually, Tara Bedford.
She has an incredibly bad nut allergy, so bad that even the smell of nuts can trigger a reaction.
She says,
Any rustle on a train or a bus?
And it's, what are they opening? Should I move?
She can't go to the cinema, she can't go in a plane,
because someone opens a packet of peanuts and she's dead, she's in a plane.
She had to go to A&E 40 times in four years.
Oh, my God.
But the story has a happy ending,
because there was a labrador who had failed a guide dog test for overuse of the nose,
put them together, and now the dog forcefully pushes her
whenever the dog smells nuts, a peanut or a nut she's allergic to.
So, it's a very good ending.
Seeing nose dog.
Wow, that's so cool.
And he flies as well.
Russia employs sniffer cats.
Really? Really?
Yeah, there's some sniffer cats in Russia,
and they're looking for kind of Russian mafia,
maybe smuggling fish for the caviar down in the south of Russia.
And the most famous one, the first one was called Rusik.
And Rusik died when he was hit by a criminal's car quite recently.
And the locals thought that it might be a contract killing,
because the week before, another cat called Barsik was killed
after he was poisoned by a mouse.
What?
Sorry, with a mouse.
I was looking into sort of the latest in cat news,
and I headed to a place I discovered a few podcasts ago.
I headed to Pussington Post.
Just a few recent headlines.
Cat ignores frogs sitting on his paw.
That was September 17th, if you want to look that one up.
Well, if you're into cat news, which you obviously are,
there's this guy who is constantly updating us on cat news.
He runs a Twitter feed called NBA Catwatch,
and the entire Twitter feed is devoted to finding out
what cats are owned by basketball players.
And he's been going for quite a while now.
So he said, it started off as a typical dumb Twitter joke,
but the more I thought about it, something caught in my brain.
I'd be watching a basketball game,
and I'd start to think about, who does own a cat on this team?
He said, I'm aware that it's ridiculous trying to find
NBA players' cats on social media.
However, it's my niche, and I got there first.
And yet no one has ever got there second.
I found a really exciting Guinness Book World Record,
which is for World Mousing Champion.
And the winner of this, the current champion of this award...
It's a dog, it's a dog.
It's a cat, but it's amazing that this is an actual record
that's being held.
So it's a cat called Towser,
and Towser was stationed at Distillery in Scotland,
where Grouse Whiskey is made.
And during her reign, she killed 28,899 mice.
No way.
And so that's a Guinness World Record.
And then she died, so she got taken over by another cat
called Amber, who's been there for 20 years now,
and who they've said was not known to have caught a single mouse.
They've all been caught already.
She's just got there on her first day and go,
well, there's not much to do here, is there?
Can I tell you about a couple more little dog things?
Yes, please.
So there's another kind of dog, which is a corpse detection dog.
So police use them to find bodies, things like this.
And they have to be trained,
but you can't train them obviously on real cases,
because there are very few of those.
So they're trained by wrapping up pigs' bodies in shower curtains.
And there's a man who runs a search company.
His name is Mick Swindles,
and he says he always puts clothes on the pigs, too,
for added realism.
Insert your own David Cameron joke here.
Well, this is the thing.
He said of them, because he puts clothes on them,
he said, people say, why do you always put them in a skirt?
Have you ever tried putting trousers on a pig?
So presumably these cats are just now really good at detecting
clothes pigs.
Dogs are really good at detecting clothes pigs,
and not that good at detecting human corpses.
We're very similar to pigs, in many ways.
Speak for yourself.
We're going to have to move on in a sec.
Can I say one thing?
This original fact was in Bakersfield in California,
and so I found another story from Bakersfield.
It's just a quick one.
There's a guy called Mr. Slivers,
and he was arrested, and they interviewed him afterwards.
And this is what he said.
He said, I was just bored, and I decided I wanted to be a cat burglar.
So I kicked in the window and tried to steal the lion,
but it was too heavy, so I stole the cat.
And he wanted to be a cat burglar,
and thought that a cat burglar is something that steals cats.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm more interested in the home that owns both the lion and the cat.
It was a museum.
It was a museum.
They were stuffed.
Sorry, right.
Okay, got it.
Otherwise, I don't think you'd be saying the lion is too heavy.
Weight is the least of your problems.
That lion was way too bitey on my face.
Okay, it's time for fact number three, and that is Chazinski.
Yeah, my fact is that the earliest known penalty for illegal parking
was to be impaled on a stake.
It's firm, but it's fair.
And if you appeal, it's a smaller stake.
So this was actually in 700 BC.
This is the earliest parking restriction I can find,
so it's in Nineveh, which was the Assyrian capital,
and the parking restriction was put in place by King Sinakarib,
and we have a stone tablet where he's laid out the restriction,
and it says, Royal Road, let no man decrease it,
or let no man lessen it, this Royal Road,
and on pain of being impaled on a stake.
And you got impaled on a stake if you did park on the Royal Road
in your chariot, obviously not your motor car,
and impaled on a stake and then planted in your own garden
so that people who were coming to visit you could go,
oh, I guess he's not available for tea or whatever.
Wow, planted in your own garden.
Would you have a little label sticking out
like you get on those plants?
Yeah, with the species.
This is a Norman.
Yeah, Sinakarib, he's most famous for moving his capital city
to Nineveh, like you say,
and had like a really amazing capital city,
and he had like gardens.
They think it might have been the Hanging Gardens,
but the one was there, and yeah, he was just an extremely opulent man.
Apparently, he had a piece of Noah's Ark
which he worshipped as a god,
and he once wrote about his enemies,
the testicles I cut off
and tore out their privates like the seeds of cucumbers.
He was good with a simile, actually.
It sounds like he was very bad at making sandwiches.
You selectively shave the outside of a cucumber,
then you slot it home in the sandwich.
He actually, so he was not a humble man,
because he did create these incredible gardens.
I mean, I think people should know more about Sinakarib,
and very little is written about him.
But a lot of historians now think that the Hanging Gardens of Babylon,
as you say, were his gardens,
and he irrigated the mountains all around,
so he built this incredible canal
that stretched 50 kilometres up into the mountains,
and which irrigated his whole amazing new city.
But he was pretty cocky about it,
so even on the signpost where he said,
you'll be impaled on a steak or a cucumber,
or whatever, if you park here.
Then the little signpost then went on to list his achievements,
explaining Sinakarib is a king of the world,
favourite of the gods,
holder of invincible weapons,
and architect of urban design.
So I think that's quite nice.
On those signs, you put a P.S.
Here's what I've achieved, guys.
Wow.
That's amazing.
Do you know, in Britain,
the first-ever parking ticket that was given?
No.
Okay, so it was in September 1960.
They set this up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was quite like where it was like an established proper,
where parking attendants went out.
And the first-ever ticket was given to a Dr. Thomas Creighton,
who was answering an emergency call
to help a heart attack victim at a West End hotel.
So he raced there, he got out,
when he came back he had a ticket,
and there was so much public outcry
that they said, okay, you haven't got a ticket.
That was the first ticket.
Can you imagine the...
How was your first day?
Cocked up pretty badly, actually.
But the first parking ticket in America
was also had to be overturned.
Oh, really?
Maybe parking tickets are just a failed enterprise.
Yeah, this was a Reverend, actually,
the Reverend C.H. North
of the Third Pentecostal Holiness Church.
And it was a newly installed parking meter,
the country's first parking meter.
And he just ran into a shop to get changed,
and by the time he'd come out, he got a ticket.
And he complained to the courts and had it overturned.
Wow.
It would be pretty hard to get it overturned
in the old days when you're being impaled on a stage.
I've got a story about parking tickets.
So begin so many of them, these anecdotes.
Okay, so this is from January this year,
and it was from the BBC News website.
A traffic warden is being investigated
after a parking ticket was placed on a wheelie bin.
The warden was accused of bizarre behavior.
So one witness said this.
It appeared the warden slapped the plastic ticket envelope
on the bin in a moment of high jinks
after a member of the public pointed out
it was on double yellow lines.
So it's a joke.
It's just a silly joke, yeah.
But then the response, this is in Kamarthen.
Kamarthenshire Council Traffic and Safety Manager
John McEvoy said,
although this was meant as a humorous incident,
we take this kind of thing very seriously
and have launched a formal investigation
into the conduct of the officer.
Although this was meant as a humorous incident,
we are still the assholes you think we are.
I have some stuff on weird laws
and slightly strange punishments, if that's okay.
The Hittites, apparently, they had a rule
where anyone found guilty of committing a sex act
with a dog or pig would be killed.
And so your own David Cameron Joe gear.
But if it was with a horse or a mule,
the only punishment that they could give out
was that you were no longer allowed to be
in the presence of the king.
Wow.
That is not it.
And if the king, sorry, if the pig mounted the human,
then no one would be punished at all.
It had to be the human who was doing that, yeah.
Well, how would the king,
is that his opening question to everyone?
You fucked a horse?
Because you could just be in the audience of the king
and it doesn't get to him that you did it.
That's a good point, yeah.
I don't know.
He was very close with the horse community.
They reported all these things.
Poofington Post.
That's really good.
It's good, but it hurts.
So do you know about the guy
who invented the double yellow lines?
No.
This is a guy called George Bamber
and this was in the late 19th century, so the 1880s.
And he based the double yellow line design.
He was a farmer and he based the design
on the markings he put on his sheep.
So he used to stripe his sheep with double yellow lines.
And he noticed that no one ever walked on his sheep
or parked on them.
I thought this is something.
Precisely.
He wanted to keep the entrance to his farm clear
on market day so people could come in
and buy his produce.
So he thought, ah, what design could I use?
Ah, those yellow lines from the sheep.
And he drew them out and it really caught on
in his village to the mayor of his town,
started using these double yellow lines
to stop people parking in undesirable places.
But he received a 10% commission
for a number of years on,
like whenever the double yellow lines were used,
that he'd taken from the sheep.
He got a commission on them.
That's amazing.
Isn't that cool?
That's really cool.
Because I would have thought it was based
on the single yellow line,
but you're saying that was invented first.
Double yellow line came first.
That is interesting.
Yeah.
It's like hearing that Rocky II was made before Rocky.
And Rocky II was so good,
they thought we should do all one.
We're going to have to move on to our next fact.
You guys got any more?
All right, let's do it.
It's time for our final fact of the evening
and that is Andrew Hunter Murray.
My fact is that female corn earworm moths
go invisible after sex.
So this needs a bit of explaining.
So corn earworm moths are a kind of moth
and when males mate with females,
they have a protein in their semen
which makes the female invisible to other males.
So it gets into the female's body
and it inhibits all pheromone production immediately.
And the males only can tell
when a female is around by smell.
They don't have very good vision at all.
They can't really see other females.
So it's a self-preservation thing
by the male who's done the mating.
He thinks, well, I want this female off the market.
So he just makes the female invisible to other males.
Why didn't he just paint double yellow lines on her?
So this is from a book called Nature's Nether regions
by a guy called Menno Schiltriesen.
I hope I'm pronouncing his name right.
And I just find that incredible.
That's amazing.
Totally insane.
Yeah.
So basically there are all kinds of animals
which do incredible strange things
through the medium of sex.
So banana flies are a kind of fly
and male banana flies...
Not a kind of banana.
So when male banana flies have sex with female banana flies,
they deposit semen in the female
and that contains a chemical
which makes the female go completely off all other males.
So they start kicking away other males
and then they give off a scent to make themselves unattractive
and it lasts for a week.
It's not actually that long, is it?
It is if you're a banana fly, I'd say.
It completely kills their sex life.
I mean, how much action are these females getting?
Well, I mean, some insects do all their mating on a single day.
Yeah, okay, fair enough.
That's a bit rough there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, sorry.
I read that female beetles,
they quench their thirst through sex
and it's because of the semen
and the fluids in the semen
because they get very dehydrated
and so when they have sex,
it's actually just like having a drink for them.
That's the reason we all do it, Dan.
Sometimes the tap is too far away.
So some insects do all their mating.
So bees and ants do all their mating
for a lifetime in a single day
when the queen does all her mating
and the males sort of try and fight each other
with semen to do rivalry, basically.
And some queens, if they've mated with a male
and they like that male,
they can secrete a fluid to protect that male's semen
from the rival sperm, basically.
And the scientist who found this out
is called Boris Baer.
He's from the University of Western Australia
and he was asked whether this might happen in humans,
whether human women could do such a thing
and he said that he doubted it
and he said, to my knowledge,
women do not copulate with 90 mates in half an hour.
In his limited experience.
We are learning a lot about you tonight.
Southern New Zealand giraffe weevil
which it's a weevil, not a giraffe.
The way that they mate is you get two weevils
and they fight against each other
and usually the biggest weevil wins.
But there are little weevils that kind of sneak around
and when there's two males fighting over a female,
that weevil goes in and then steals the female
while she's kind of watching the fight
and the female actually ends up having sex
with the smallest weevil.
Wow, that's so clever.
She actually goes for the lesser of two weevils.
I've never seen you look more disappointed in me though.
That was incredible.
Our suicide was committed tonight.
Here's a really, really weird thing,
an interesting thing about flies, baby flies.
Baby flies can get characteristics
from males who have had sex with their mother
but not their father.
So a male who's had sex with the mother much, much earlier
can still give characteristics to the fly.
Well, we don't know, it's really new research
but that is unbelievably interesting.
But what's a characteristic for them?
Say for instance, the female fly had sex with a really big fly
and then nothing came from it
and then the father ended up being a little scrawny fly
then the baby might have the bigness of the original guy
who he had sex with even though it's not his actual father.
This sounds very suspect.
Are we sure this isn't just a lot of women
cheating on their husbands?
No, it's new research.
It's why this baby's ginger.
Yeah, it's called telegony and it used to be believed
by humans, by people, in ancient Greek time
people thought that your children would have things
from whoever you had sex with
whether it was the father or not
and it was thought for a long, long time
and then it was shown to be not true in humans
but they've recently found that it might be true
or probably is true in flies.
That's so cool when we had a wrong belief
and it was just completely wrong for no reason
and then it turned out we were right all along.
It's very satisfying.
Norwegian rat sperm, they can join forces with each other
and become a super sperm.
They have little hook-shaped heads
and hundreds of them just hook onto each other
and say, guys, we can do this together
and then they swim faster as a single.
It's like the power rangers.
You remember when they combined forces?
To make a larger power ranger, it's much like that.
And that's why Andy never did any more babysitting.
Naked mole rats.
Have you guys all seen naked mole rats?
Because they're just so extraordinary
in basically every single way
but their sperm are also bizarre.
So only 7% of naked mole rat sperm can swim.
So they ejaculate
and then the vast majority of their sperm
just like flails and floats around
and like drowns or doesn't make it anywhere.
Only 0.1% I think can swim really fast enough to get anywhere.
So they're just constantly ejaculating useless, useless sperm
but they are immune to all cancer.
So it's like a trade-off.
Yeah, swings and...
Up to 90% of human male sperm
as opposed to human female sperm obviously
has two heads or two tails
or is completely deformed in other ways.
There are very few which are the perfect guys, you see,
on the posters.
I just think there are unrealistic standards of beauty for sperm.
Human semen is...
I'm sorry about this but it is really amazing.
Don't apologise.
I'll send you the dry cleaning bill and we'll call it quits.
It contains proteins ladies and gentlemen
that can forge a kind of mating plug.
Like other animals have mating plugs that stop other males
from impregnating females
but the proteins in human semen can do a similar kind of thing.
And it also contains chemical compounds
that prevent the sperm cells from becoming over-enthusiastic.
I'm not quite sure what that means but...
They sort of overshoot past the end.
They end up in the kidney or something.
So there was a question on Yahoo Answers
which I never know if people are joking on Yahoo Answers
but someone posted a question saying
I ran out of shampoo and I don't have any money,
have no choice and I have to go to work tomorrow.
My hair smells like feces.
Can I just use sperm as my shampoo?
The next post was the next day from the same guy.
Well, no one asked me about the feces smell at least.
OK, we're going to wrap up.
OK, that's it. That's all of our facts.
Thank you so much for coming tonight everybody.
If you want to get in contact with us
about the things we've said over the course of this podcast,
you can reach us on our Twitter accounts.
I'm on at Shriverland, Andy.
At Andrew Hunter M.
James.
At Egg Shaped.
And Anna.
You can email podcast at qi.com.
Yep.
And if there's a little snigger about the fact she's not on Twitter,
still not on Twitter, can't believe it.
And if you want to listen to all of our previous episodes,
you can head to knowsuchthingasafish.com
and you can listen to all the previous episodes.
We're going on tours still.
Thank you so much for being here guys.
This has been amazing for us.
Thanks for listening at home.
We'll see you again another time next week.
Goodbye.