No Such Thing As A Fish - NSTAAF International Factball: South Korea v Ghana

Episode Date: June 26, 2014

South Korea v Ghana: The QI Elves in association with www.visitengland.com bring you the fifteenth and final episode of this No Such Thing As A Fish Factball special - the only football podcast that has absolutely nothing to do with football. Today Dan Schreiber (@schreiberland), Anna Ptaszynski (@qikipedia), James Harkin (@eggshaped) and Alex Bell (@alexbell_) pit South Korea against Ghana to find out which is the most Quite Interesting country.

Hello, and welcome to the last episode of No Such Thing as a Fish presents International Factball, the only football podcast out there that makes absolutely no mention of football whatsoever. Brought to you by the QILs, an association with VisitingLin.com. My name is Dan Schreiber, I'm sitting here with Anna Chazinski, Alex Bell, and James Harkin, and here for the final time, the last two countries, it is South Korea versus Ghana. And let's begin with South Korea. Okay, I have something which is unfortunately slightly about football. Well, it's the last one we can mention football, I guess.

Yep. As we have in every other one. Yeah, well, our game, our rules. Yeah. I got sent this fact by a guy on Twitter at Ellison11, and he told me that the lowest paid footballer in this World Cup is Lee Kyun Ho, who earns only $150 a month in the South Korean Army. Wow.

So, compare that with Christiana Ronaldo or Lina Messi. That's so weird. It's like part of army training. I don't get it. Well, it's like government service. It's service for your country on the football field instead of on the battlefield. So, they're really looking on this as war. This is probably war. South Korea right now are in war. Yeah.

Do you guys remember an incident at the end of last year between North and South Korea where there was a little escalating of tensions? Yes. North Korea sent a fax to South Korea when the tensions started escalating, threatening merciless attack without notice. I just really like the idea that war is being declared via fax machines now. Via fax machines. Who the hell uses a fax machine?

Yeah. Phil Collins supposedly dumped his wife by fax. Did he? Apparently. I don't know if that's true, but it's just one of those factoids that you hear every now and then. I always assumed that South Korea were the slightly more sensible ones when it came to things like faxing and that you would have seen that North Korea would always start things,

but there's in between North and South Korea, there's the demilitarized zone, and inside that there's a place called the Truce Village, which is where the two sort of diplomatic parties from North and South Korea meet up to have negotiations and conferences. And there was one negotiation period where they were both there, and the night before one of the conferences, South Korea's delegation snuck into one of the Truce tents and sawed all the legs down on the chairs of the North Korean side of the table so that they would be sitting lower, and they had to sit lower in the meeting. So the North Koreans then left because they got really annoyed at this.

And the next day, South Korea then brought their flag along to the table and put a little flag on the table, which really pissed off the North Koreans again. So the next day, the North Koreans brought their own flag that was slightly bigger, and this kept on going, and they kept bringing bigger and bigger flags until they had to organize a special meeting to deal with the problem of the flags because they were getting too big to fit inside the tent. That's incredible. I like the idea of them getting pissed off enough that they go back to Kim Jong-un,

like, you need to send a fax. I read a thing about Valentine's Day in South Korea. So Valentine's Day is celebrated on the same day, February 14th. But instead of it being a sort of a mutual gift-giving process, basically it's all about the women giving presents to the men to show how much they love each other. But then the month after, in March 14th, which is called White Day, the man has to then reciprocate with the present. It's like another Valentine's Day, but the rule is that whatever present was bought

for him, the present he then buys back for the person he loves has to be three times the amount in cash. Oh, that's good. So if you can make a real profit on that. Exactly. If you bought something quite expensive, the guys probably go, Jesus Christ, how am I going to afford this? That's too tough.

Actually, it's really interesting. The 14th of every month seems to be an event for them. So as well as White Day and Valentine's Day, on the 14th of December, it's Hug Day. On the 14th of June, it's Kiss Day, very self-explanatory. It encourages you to kiss people, encourages you to hug people. On the 14th of January, it's Diary Day. You would think it'd be on the 1st of January. It's a bit late, isn't it?

Yeah, Diary Day should be in December, really. And then in April, it's Black Day, and that's when single people mourn their lack of love by eating. And also, I think the single people probably don't feel great on the Hug Day or Kiss Day either. It's quite common for Korean men to wear makeup as well. I like that. That's great.

Because in the past, I've done... I mean, James, you're on Only Connect, I don't know if they require basic touch-ups in makeup. Yeah, we're going to be on Only Connect in the autumn, and yeah, we had to wear makeup for that. Yeah, and I've done a few TV things where they put on makeup, and it's amazing. Alex, I highly recommend makeup. Yeah, I think 20% of South Korean men wear makeup, apparently, and there was a quote

from someone who works in the makeup industry in South Korea recently, who said, I think a lot of Korean guys get into this kind of thing while doing their military service, which seems a really bizarre place to get into putting on makeup. Which is why on the football field, Lee Kyung-ho is wearing lipstick and mascara. They have a lot of plastic surgeons in South Korea, and plastic surgeons are so good that people going over from Japan and China go back over, but the passports don't look the same as what they look like after the plastic surgery, and so they need to get special certificates from the plastic surgeons to say that they've had the surgery.

That's amazing. Wow. On plastic surgery, there's a kind of surgery pioneered by South Koreans called Smile Lipped. You guys seen that? Look it up. It's so disgusting. They make incisions in either corner of your mouth, so you have a permanent smile, and it's really grotesque, but South Korean women are getting quite into it.

Just on technology with South Korea, because I think they are actually kind of leading the way in their attitude, I think, as well towards technology. Well, they have 5G there now. Exactly. They're rolling it out. You can download a whole movie in less than one minute. No. Oh my God.

That is speedy. That is speedy. Why are they still using fax machines? They have this new thing on buses that Dunkin Donuts has been doing, so they'll play radio out aloud on the buses, and any time that there's a Dunkin Donuts jingle, it sets off a little spray which is in the bus that sprays the smell of Dunkin Donuts, so it's a smell accompaniment to the advert, the jingle that they're hearing, and they found, as a result of this, they had an increase in sales of 16% of Dunkin Donuts.

Now, they're not doing this worldwide, but they are still doing it in South Korea. You've mentioned Dunkin Donuts quite a lot of times in that last sentence as well. I'm hoping for delivery. I am hoping for delivery. Another thing they're really into, food-wise, spam, super into spam, the world's second largest consumer of spam, and it's traditional in Korea on their annual lunar Thanksgiving holiday to go and visit family and to pay your respects, you give and receive packaged cans of spam.

I think the highest eaters of spam are Guam, just off the top of my head, although Hawaii eats a lot as well. They eat it off the top of your head. OK, we're going to have to wrap up on South Korea, the halftime whistles on its way. You can see the referee pulling it out of his pocket. So if we've got any final facts, let's try and get them in quickly. More than half of all Koreans are called Kim Lee Park Choi Oh Jung. There's a penis park.

It's very odd. There's a mythology behind it. But if you actually, if you Google Penis Park, Google Penis Park, South Korea, and you will see these giant penises. It's a public park. As I've just said, one of the most popular surnames in Korea is Park. So I imagine Penis Park is quite quite an insult to quite a few people. There's the whistle.

Told you it was coming. Halftime has arrived. And before we head off to the second half of our match, we are going to now do our halftime show, which comes in the form of a QI quiz sponsored by visitingland.com. So we've got three questions for this halftime show. We're going to start with Alex. What have you got? My question is under the rule of Henry VIII, if you are convicted of poisoning

someone deliberately, how are you punished? James, my question is, other than the Bible, what was the most popular book in 16th century England? OK, and Anna, my question is so Dublin is obviously a city in Ireland, but there's a town in England that has the exact same name, but in a different language. What is that town? You know, right? I do know. Yes, from my neck of the woods.

So it's Bolton. Not quite that. Quite Bolton. OK, well, if you want to find out the answers to those questions, you're going to have to stay tuned to the rest of the podcast, where we will be revealing them at the end. But in the meantime, it is time to get back to our match and making their way to the field. It's Ghana. I've got I've got a fact that I like.

Go on. The world record for running a hundred meters is held by you. Same old Ghana. No, no. Well, you you've mistaken running forwards. Why would you assume that? The hundred meter running backwards is held by a Ghanaian called Ferdi Ato Abobo, and he set the record in 13.6 seconds. And he was actually matched in the hundred meters by someone,

but I believe he still owns the hundred yards record. And it's actually turned into a massive thing. The whole idea of the backwards Olympics as such. I'd like to see the backwards javelin where you have to catch it. Yeah, it's a lovely idea. It's being picked up by a lot of people. John Voight, who's the father of Angelina Jolie, he thinks that reverse running helps think helps you clear your head.

This guy, this Ghanaian guy has set an absolute trend around the world. Everyone's picking up on it. God, I thought Ghana was quite progressive, but that's pretty backward, isn't it? Oh, yeah, there's only one word from Ghana that we've adopted into the English language. OK, what would that be? It is.

You're going to kick yourself. I know what it is. Oh, say it. Quasheco. Yes. What? Yeah, we always talk about Quasheco. You know, ah, Quasheco, this, Quasheco. It's protein deficiency, isn't it? I think it's the one where you get a really swollen stomach.

Oh, I've never heard that word before. It's the only word that's made it into the English language. Here's a word that we should get from Ghanaian. This is from the Booli language in Ghana. The word is polinti, and it means to move hot food around your mouth. So it's like if you if you eat something which is a little bit too hot and you go, oh, that's great. Yeah, it's good. That's a very good word.

Yeah, speaking of words and naming things, conjunctivitis in bits of Ghana is known as Apollo because it sort of started breaking out in force in 1969 when the moon landings took place. And so there was just a sort of connection there. Maybe a few people sort of believed it was connected, but mainly it was just a tradition. But it's called Apollo. Yeah.

That's very cool. That's a good fact. Yeah, they have. I found this in the the QI database, which is known as Squire. Stools are sacred to the Ashanti and the Ashanti of South Ghana. What Alex was thinking of the other version of the word stool. You're talking about chairs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, according to legend, the first king of the Ashanti witnessed a golden stool coming down from the sky. Well, now that you've put that. It came from a cloud of white dust. It landed on his knees at the Coronation King. The Ashanti King was lifted up over the stool, but you're never allowed to sit on the stool.

In fact, the stool itself has a stool that it sits on. I think if memory serves, there was there was a bit of a war, wasn't there, because the English stole the stool or something? Oh, my God. I don't know. Someone will have to Google that. Speaking of stool, there's a can sauce in Ghana called Shaitou. Nice. And they have pea beer as well. Apparently, it looks like pea, tastes like pea,

and it should be served at room temperature. I really like the story that Gordon Brown retold and we don't have as a protocol, but when Nixon went to visit Ghana on Ghanaian Independence Day in 1957, he was going around congratulating all the Ghanaians, being like, oh, well done, you guys, you're free now. Congratulations from the Yoke of Colonialism.

And the first person he spoke to to say, how does it feel to be free? And responded, saying, how would I know? I come from Alabama. I think it was an awkward moment in his presidency. Well, Shirley Temple was the U.S. ambassador to Ghana between 1974 and 1977. Oh, shit. Yeah.

And Czechoslovakia. Yeah. Fetish priestesses are quite a big thing in Ghana, I think, and it's like a modern day oracle. So you go to visit your fetish priestess and as a person who serves as a mediator between the spirit and the living. And so you go to ask them to do you a magical spiritual favours or they can also cast curses on you.

Yeah, we had that on on QI. We did a question about West Africa and we asked one of the picture guys to go to the shop and buy some fetish items. And we meant like things used in like witch doctorry. But that's not what he came back with. And that episode is now going to be in the Peefer Porn series coming up in a few years time.

OK, final facts before the final whistle. Before the final whistle of the whole series. The final final whistle. I really like the guard tribe, the coastal guard tribe in Ghana. When you die, you have a funeral earner or coffin that represents how you lived or something about your character. Or and they're awesome. And it's a big industry.

So you get coffins in the shape of ornate fish or like like a car coffin, if you love to race cars. Giant mobile phone type thing. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, definitely. I would say I would definitely recommend people Google Ghanaian coffins because the pictures are amazing. In 2009, a 29 year old Ghanaian woman married her dog.

She was called Miss Mabu. And she said, for so long, I've been praying for a life partner who will have all the qualities of my dad. My dad was kind, faithful and loyal to my mom. And he never let her down. I've been in relationships with so many men and they're all the same. My dog is kind and loyal to me. He treats me with so much respect.

My dad also had four legs and used to shit on the carpet. All right, that's the end of our match. Both both good efforts from both sides. But before we find out who has won the match, why don't we get the answers to that visitingland.com quiz? Three questions starting with you, Alex. My question was under the rule of Henry VIII, if you were convicted of poisoning someone deliberately,

how are you punished? And the answer is you were boiled alive in just a big pot. I don't know. I imagine so, yeah. I think it was a big pot, yeah. Was that served up as like a side dish? Yeah, I didn't know if you were in a stew or whether it was just water. Yeah, I think it was oil.

Oil. Yeah. Oh, my God. OK, James. OK, my question was, what was the bestselling book other than the Bible in 16th century England? And it was a book by Dutch philosopher Erasmus called On Civility in Children. And it was a book telling children how to behave like the Dutch. Yeah. OK, great. And Anna, last question.

Yeah, I think my question was something along the lines of so Dublin, the Irish city. There's an English town with the same name, but in a different language. And that is because Dublin in Irish means Blackpool. Ah, Blackpool. OK, cool. There you go. OK, so that's the answers to our quiz. Sadly, no prizes there if you got any of those right.

However, if you do go over to visitingland.com, there are a bunch of QI goodies, including caps and t-shirts and books. And if you do win, send us a photo. Someone sent us a photo of the prize that they got. And, you know, we just we'd like to look at it. So yeah, so head over there if you want to if you want to win a prize. But now it's time to find out who has won this final match in our international fact ball.

And I'm going to go with Anna for you to make the decision. I am going to go with Ghana so that I can be buried in a cool coffin. OK, so that's that's it. Ghana has won this final bout in our international fact ball competition. And that's it. That's us done. That's that's all the teams who've been playing in that alternative football competition that's been going on. I believe it's called the World Cup.

And that leaves us just with these final words. You can contact us on our Twitter handles. You can get me on at Shriverland, Alex at Alex Bell. Under school, James at Ed Shaped and Anna. I will be tweeting my fax number from at Wikipedia. You can't take me there. And so that's it. Now, this is the last in our international fact ball.

However, we are going to be doing one special final episode in which we actually talk about football. Only the interesting things about football. Only the interesting. We're not going to be debating the relative merits of messy. And it's going to be the no such thing as a fish take on football. And we're going to be joined by special guest, the founder of QI, John Lloyd, who knows even less about football than we do.

So very exciting. But we will see you again tomorrow when we go back to our regular no such thing as a fish podcast, four of our favorite facts that we've learned from the last seven days. So tune in for that. Goodbye.