Not Another D&D Podcast - Adventure Book Theatre: Goosebumps - Beware of the Purple Peanut Butter

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

The Book Buds (and first-time guest Cake Hurwitz) take another frightful trip to theatre, this time to read another book from R.L. Stine's "Give Yourself Goosebumps" collection. Can the gang survive a trip to their adult cousins' house without getting a pounding? Turn the webpage to find out!Buy tickets to upcoming NaddPod Live Shows Here!---CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon8-Bit Book Club Theme by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Howdy friends, Carl Roll here letting you know that NADPOT is hitting the road again this fall for an all new live show tour. This time we're doing actual play sessions and a few D&D court lives. Tickets are available right now at nadpod.com slash live. For a full list of dates and venues, just listen to the words coming out of my mouth. On September 13th we are going to be in Minneapolis, followed by Madison on the 14th, Milwaukee on September 15th, and Chicago on the 16th. Then we're coming to Los Angeles on October 26th, Denver on October 27th, and Sacramento

on October 28th. After that, we're headed to Las Vegas on November 10th, New Orleans on November 14th, Orlando on the 15th, and finally, last but not least, Fort Lauderdale on November 14th, Orlando on the 15th and finally, last but not least, Port Lauderdale on November 17th. Again, tickets are all available at nadpod.com slash live. Get yours now before they sell out and don't forget to bring a sweater because it might get chilly and also sometimes, Murr forgets to pack his. One more time that's nadpod.com slash live and we'll see you on the road. Bye bye!

This is a headgun podcast. They made a book about a video game. Game game game game. We made a podcast about that book. Welcome to Ape at Book Club, the only book club that makes you dumber. Also, it's a venture book theater kind of. Right. Yeah. Sometimes. So it's also that within the clubhouse, there is a theater. Oh, am I a host of that one or am I just still, you know, kind of recurrent? And you know what? That actually

reminds me, Jake Hurwitz. We've got a new guest here. An understudy has taken the stage. Have we met before Jake? Is it our first time meeting? This, I'm gonna lean into it. This is actually my first time. Can I do my promos up top?

That'd be great. Yeah, absolutely. I'm selling wallets over at brothershalsion.com. Oh, actually, we have Max. I remember you saying, yeah. You know that I talk about the beard oil business. I was making sure. And you know what, let's go ahead up top.

We've got some shows coming up in just a couple of weeks. So, if September, we've got a bunch of shows in the Midwest. We've got, we're going to be in Minneapolis on September 13th for Dungeon Court Live. Madison on September 14th, Milwaukee on September 15th and rounding that little trip out with Chicago for Dungeon Court Live on September 16th. So please check that out.

You can get your tickets at naddpod.com slash live. Right on. Get them. This week, we will be reading another classic Goosebumps, give yourself Goosebumps, which is their choose one. What are you untrallying? I'm trying to give myself Goosebumps over here.

Little self pleasure. But where? That's kind of been the theme of my adult life trying to get us all. Trying to give yourself some Goosebumps. Yeah, hey, enough self care. How about some self-scare? Some.

Yeah. Wow, dude. That actually did frighten me. That was really good. That was really good. Our chairs are pissed. So this one is called the Wear of the Purple Peanut Butter. And it's just got a kid in a peanut butter sandwich

on the peanut butter purple. Okay, let's talk about what? I can see no sense. Yeah, let's watch this book by Discovery on. Yeah, let's, because these books are so vibrantly covered that they're begging to be judged. I'm thinking is there going to be a peanut butter slime monster? I love it if so.

I think that this kid is just confused about what jelly is. Oh love it if so. I think that this kid is just confused about what jelly is. Oh, that's true. And he does not have a sweet tooth. So he keeps me like, what is this? What is this? What are you talking about? Mom, stop lying this stuff. Wow, we solved the mystery. Yeah, it's one big misunderstanding. I think it's going to be like a blob situation where maybe he puts a little peanut butter on it and then it continues to grow and grow and grow and starts like absorbing people.

That would be my guess. Do we think he's gonna lose a pet to it? A beloved parakeet named Jakey. Yeah. Did you have a parakeet named Jakey? My sister didn't, he died on Christmas morning. Oh, wow, Jakey do be like that. I'm doing self-scare Share your pet death stories. Oh my god

Emily if we not swap parakeet stories before I'm sure we have in the long history Yes, but I also had a parakeet named Johnny bird that gave my mom Ted With my kids birds yeah, I know you're both bird people. I think I wanted to be a bird person because of Yago from Aladdin. I was just like that. He's really cool. That like a parrot on your shoulder The classic you know vizier with the parrot. Yeah, that's the perfect one. And so that's how your mom got tetanus. When Johnny Bird was perched on her shoulder, like, Yago from Aladdin.

Exactly. As your mother demanded. The thing is, like, Yago, Johnny Bird, like, had demands from my mother. It was like whispering about, like, what they should do about the Sultan, and doing my father. Who's- The puppeteeringer against your father. Alright, let's go ahead and start reading beware of the purple peanut butter. So right off the bat beware.

Now we're not gonna be a bird. Okay, well we're gonna add one. We're gonna add one. You wanna name a jakey bird. Okay, jakey bird. Okay, so beware, do not read this book from beginning to end. That's my nickname. We know. Don't go in the basement

You're aunt warns you we got it on okay Wow warns as you start a game of hide and seek with your two horrible cousins Okay, what is one of them a bird one of them could be a bird Yeah, all right, jakey a bad bird. I don't remember us too young Oh, okay, it's my sister's bird bird okay, Jakey was not a personal experience. I mean it sounds like Jakey made that day all about him Like really sad country songs Okay, but he was reborn on Easter. Anyways, go on.

The aunt says, don't go in the basement. Do you listen? No way. Oh yeah, we got that 92. But while you're hiding in the basement, your stomach, grumbles, and grouse. You open an old refrigerator and find a jar of purple peanut butter and a stale chocolate cake,

which should you eat. Watch out, a small taste of one of these foods could cause big trouble. You may never be the same again. You're in control of this scary adventure. You decide what will happen and how terrifying. The scares will be starting on page one and follow the instructions at the bottom of each page.

You can make the choices. We eat the cake. Okay, yeah, absolutely. Right, not a choice. The title said beware of the purple peanut butter. So I'm gonna eat the cake. You're gonna eat the cake. Oh, so does it really say old refrigerator?

No, I don't think so too many. You open it to me. Yeah, and the basement's a basement fridge. Oh yeah. That's a spare refrigerator. That's the spare fridge. You're going down there, you're looking for rich. That's the garage fridge.

That's like when a family gets a new refrigerator, but they're like, well, we can't throw out the old one. Yeah, we're not getting rid of the old one. I've actually recently said I was gonna be a come a cake guy. Really? Well, I always like dessert, but I never have cake for dessert,

so I think I'm gonna start enjoying cake. What are you usually hake for dessert? We thanks for asking. Usually excuse me, I wouldn't have to decide. I'm very interested. Jake, please continue. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, excuse me, excuse me, Murph.

I don't want to talk. This is terrible content. Excuse me, you said you wanted to be a cake guy. His anecdote was just that he likes to have dessert. And he liked to have cake a little while for each. I just keep over talking. That's my excuse me. My excuse me.

Excuse me. Continue cake. Excuse me. We're usually typically on an average evening for dessert. I will have even an anna with peanut butter, drizzle with chocolate. I'm not a dessert

I mean, it's not a dessert It certainly is a dessert It's not a dessert It's so much more elaborations Like, are you like laying the banana in like a dish or a bowl? Thank you for asking Yes, I have the banana in a dish or a mug Excuse me, Merv

I'm just thinking you I'm just thinking you You're saying you're a dessert I'm just a little chocolate on a fucking banana. I'm freezing. I'm freezing. I'm just trying to talk. Excuse me, we're off continue cake. Shake the cake.

Yeah, then this group will be in a bunch of chocolate chips. Okay, so I'm trying to do cake instead. Thank you. That is my time. That's great. That's no surprise. Okay, actually, I'm'm gonna change my choice. We're gonna eat, I'm enticed by this.

So we're gonna actually look for an old banana in the old fridge, some old chocolate chip cookies, and some old peanut butter. I wanna try some solutions. I don't know if you guys know, but that's usually what I have for dessert. Page one, page one, page one. You can't believe your parents did this to you.

Your mom and dad are off to Europe on a business trip. So you have to spend the summer, the summer in Fiskville with Aunt Fiona and Uncle Harvey. Okay, I need to call something out right now. This is our second goose bumps. It always begins with the parents leaving you. Absolutely, parents, yeah, it's true. This is home alone, yeah. It's true. This is a home alone,

effective. It's good old, it's wholesome 90s rudeness. Where it's like, we can't say that we don't like our parents, but extended family, it's all, that's game. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. I wonder what kind of high powered jobs are sending these two parents to Europe on business. Yeah, that's true.

We're totally traveling with an attache like hand-combed to a brief case. Oh, yes. Maybe they're rare jewel dealers. Okay, so we're like, they're fucking, they're going to a dentist convention. Both of them did not need to go. They gave their kid.

I don't know why they're bringing rare jewels to a dentist convention, but. Dentist convention in Estonia, instead of a rare jewel to Geneva. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They're good. They they are dentists. The person likes their parents. They don't like spending the summer with Aunt Fiona and Uncle Harvey because that means spending the summer with your cousins Barney and Dora, which means a summer of torture. Barney is a year older than you in a bully. Dora is a year younger and a whiny pad. And a bird. Dora is a bird. And it's at the age. So Barney's your older. So Barney, of course, is 35. Yeah, exactly.

We're 34. Dora's your younger, so Dora's 33. That's old for a bird. Old, very old for a bird. Oh, I don't know. Birds live a real long time. I guess you're some birds. They live a real long time.

Not Jakey, but a lot of birds live really long times. And don't die in Christmas. Not what you had in mind for your summer vacation. You stare glumly out the car window as your aunt and uncle drive home from the airport. Aunt Fiona turns around in the front seat and beams at you. Barney and Dora can't wait till we bring you home.

She squeals. I'll bet you think bad news. Barney can't wait to pound me into the ground. Dora the drag can't wait to wrote me into playing with her dolls. Uncle Harvey pulls the car into a driveway. You stare at this house. It's two stories high and run down. Jesus.

The lawn is choked with weeds. I mean, we're 34, of course. We have an idea. We have opinions about houses. We have opinions about their home and how they keep it up. Still a rating on this thing. Yeah. You're not doing it.

You're seasonal upkeep here. Yeah. You're not doing it. Your seasonal upkeep here. Yeah. Look at the gutters. Look at the view. Just classic child caring about the lawn a lot. You know, whenever I was a child, nice all weeds, I'd freak out.

Hard to win. Also, last time you power washed this deck, I mean, the long guy. Good God. This isn't going to show well. The front steps are cracking and crumbling, not very promising. At least the creepy cousins aren't around you think.

Maybe you can sneak off before they know you're here. Then a loud bang makes you jump out of your skin. Makes you nearly jump out of your skin. We're always getting frightened by bangs and rumbles. Yeah, so frightened. Barney runs out the front door, letting it slam behind him. You slowly step out of the car. Barney's face breaks into a mean grin under his thick blonde hair.

Even though he's only a year older than you, he's twice your size. Well, you're in until he'll unload the car. He punches you on the arm hard. Hi, Wimp. He snarles. Oh my goodness. Don't you have work today, man? Yeah.

There's 35. I'm furloughed. Ha, ha, ha. Doris, Doris. Doris, I'm sorry to hear that. It's all right, the company's making cutbacks, but they say they've got plans for me. It's good, I've got a handshake deal with my boss.

How's your bird sister? She's fine. Dora skips around the side of the house or rather flaps her on the side of the house. Yeah. Holding her obnoxious orange cat puff Doris big bird just a big bird Bird playing with dolls and carrying a cat. Arles. Nine is a visionary. Yeah Doris dark care hangs in two long braids over her shoulders

She eyes you with a smirk and giggle. A braided crow. Ah, I thought you were extinct. Puff hiss is at you. What a summer, you think. Maybe you can spend your entire vacation upstairs in your room. But no, we've been waiting for you, Barney says. Let's play hide and seek. Again, I'm burloid, so I'm going to be home.

Oh, no, you think it's starting. It's nice to see you're already having fun on Fiona Gushes. Your uncle and I have to go back to work at the university. I'll take your suitcase upstairs for you. No, really you protest. I don't mind. Nonsense Uncle Harvey responds. You kids go on and play. There's just one thing. It's very important. You can play anywhere you want, but don't go in the basement. I think it's wild that Barney works for Boeing. Like that he's an aeronautics engineer. I know it's crazy and they should be getting a lot of work. Why is he for... What's happening? What did Barney do? It makes us think there's something more going on.

Is Barney a whistleblower? He's trying to hold it back? It's like they're afraid of what he might say if they actually fire. Is he always so far in the making? Yeah, it's always lashing out. What does Bernie know about Boeing? Yeah, that's it. I mean, you're gonna sense, because his sister's a bird,

so he'd be interested in flight. Yeah, that's what we got the job. Yeah, we're, okay, we're gonna fight out for sure. So they had me turn to page 23. I love when they just do a fun page jump for no reason, cause their kids will get a kick out of it. It's like, for Bage, do it a Bage 23. What about making a decision?

Yeah. Hey, this book is like summer vacation. There's no rules. Thank you. Why can't we go in the basement, you ask? We haven't cleaned it out since we moved in on Fiona tells you. The people who own the house before us were very strange.

We don't know what's down there. It could be dangerous. Let's get started. Barney commands when his parents have gone inside. You remember the hide and seek rules? I remember you sigh, who could forget? Whoever is it gets to pound anyone he catches. Barney reminds you.

Oh, other. Oh, fine. You say, I'll go first. Sorry, Barney replies. It's my house. I'll be it to start. Now go hide while I count to 100. He laughs as he waves his fist in your face

Then he shuts his eyes I'm trying to forget what he saw Boeing Wait another just jump Ignores the text from journalists Checking it on you wasn't functioning right and they One Barney counts two three, three, four, 27, 28, 50. Wow. As usual, your cousin is really mad at Barney.

Yeah, I was gonna say, you would think an aeronautical engineer would be better at math. I know, yeah. Well, it's, you know, Boeing's all about cutting corners, apparently. Yeah, that's Barney knows. You'll have to find a place to hide fast.

But where, Dora Drops Puff and runs around to the back of the house. You wanna stay as far away from her as possible. You glance around and then tiptoe into the house. You find yourself in a small living room, crowded with furniture. You don't have much time, where can you hide? You dodge around a couple chairs.

Then you head for a hallway that leads to the kitchen. 70 Barney Shouts from outside. 81, 86. You spot a doorway to the right of the refrigerator. You pull the door open, steep, splintery steps, lead down into a dark, musty smelling room. It must be the way to the basement. But you're on an uncle warned you to the right of the refrigerator. You pull the door open, steep, splintery steps, lead down into a dark, musty smelling room. It must be the way to the basement.

But your aunt and uncle warned you to stay out of it. 93 Barney Shouts, quick, make a decision. Should you forget about your aunt and uncle's warnings and hide in the basement or find somewhere else to hide? I don't want to get pounded, not this early in the book. Yeah, we have to choose. I mean, it is the perfect spot to hide

because you were told by the aunt and uncle in front of Barney not to go in there. So Barney might not go there first. Exactly, but I do wanna get like a lay at the house. Let's wanna see what rings we're working with. Yeah, let's go take a shit. What the rest of us gonna be. Okay, so there is, can we do a tour?

There's a bathroom that is clogged. In that case, basement. Basement, okay, so we are gonna go to the base, clogged with a bunch of shit. And I'm gonna say, on Fiona and Uncle Harvey, they've kinda got Y yont and young girl energy. So I think they're only I think even though we're in our 30s They're in their late 40s. Whoa. Yeah, okay. Yeah They're definitely like prowling the internet for some good swinging. Yeah, they're they're gen X There's like a lot of like Pearl Jam posters and

Youngest and some sound guard in yeah a lot of like Pearl Jam posters and sound around the house. This is youngest and sound garden. Yeah. So to creep down to the basement, turn to page 71. We're going to do that. You glance around quickly to make sure no one is watching. Then you push open the basement door and start down. Stairs are old. They creak with every step you take.

Cobwebs brush your face. What could be down here that's so dangerous you wonder? You reach the bottom of the stairs, the floor. So dusty. It looks as if it hasn't been cleaned in 100 years. People daylight filters through a big filthy you reach the bottom of the stairs, the floor is so dusty, it looks as if it hasn't been cleaned in a hundred years. People daylight filters through a big filthy window at the back of the room, you start to explore, but there's nothing much to see,

mostly old dusty worn furniture, old couches, old chairs, old mattress, and old refrigerator and stove, both covered with rust sitting one corner, nothing dangerous, nothing even interesting, but being down here is better than getting pounded by barneys. So there is a whole kitchen in this basement. There's a whole kitchen down here.

This is an in-law suite. Yeah. Okay, okay. So the kitchen, this is an illegal ADU. There's no way that's to code. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. You can't have a stove down here without proper ventilation. Absolutely, that's a hazard.

What were our yawn and yawncle planning down here? Can you check if there's an exhaust above that stove? Is there an actual harvester? There's no exhaust. It's just carping an oxen. It's the real harvester. Is there even a carman monoxide detector? There isn't.

Oh my god. Fiona and Harvey, what the hell are you guys doing? I can't believe the barbarians stole its plot in this book. You sit in one of the old arm chairs and wait. Sooner or later, Barney and Dora will get tired of their games. Sooner or we'll be safe to go back upstairs. There's only one problem, a big problem. Turn to page 14.

What's going back? Where are you? What a thought. Your problem is that you're hungry. Plain ride to Fiskville was a long one. All you had to eat was an airline snack of peanuts in a soda. And now you realize that you're starving. Your stomach is growling so loudly

you're almost afraid Barney and Dora will hear it. Glant's around the basement again. Maybe there are some cans of food, but no, the only shelves contain old carpenter's tools. The only cabinets are full of torn and dirty sheets and towels, you really don't want to go back upstairs. Not yet, not with Barney the bully and drippy Dora waiting for you. Okay. That's no way to talk about a bird. Yeah, leave the bird alone.

Leave the bird alone. Leave the bird to her dolls. Yeah, because, you, because one Christmas morning, you're gonna wish you never said this means stuff. One Christmas morning, you come downstairs. What about the older refrigerator? You see that it's plugged in? Maybe there's something to eat inside.

Try not to get your hopes up too high. You approach a refrigerator. The door seems stuck. But you pull hard and it pops open. Spot two containers away in the back and you bend down to inspect them and gas turn a pitch 29 well we're going all over the place these parents went to Europe put their their I guess 34 year old out of life with not with no food just the free airline snack then on mental picked them up and

and just left them loose with the cousin is this Barney's apartment down here loose with the cousin. Is this Barney's apartment down here? Yeah. This is where Barney's living. This is where Barney lives. Well, this is where he's going into hiding from this. Yes, exactly. Oh, yeah, yeah.

He had his, I mean, he's got like his own family and everything, but he doesn't want Boeing to go after the right. Yeah, exactly. Are there any composition notebooks down here? Any detailed notes on the black box of the latest 747s? Yeah, any photocopies or? Yeah, there's a photocopier there. There's a whole conspiracy boards down here.

Look at these redacted documents. Now, something in the refrigerator smells great. It smells so good, your mouth starts watering. You were hungry before, but now you're ravenous. Whatever's giving off the smell, must be the best tasting food in the world. You pull out the two containers and examine them. One is a small jar.

At the bottom of the jar is a glob of disgusting looking purple goop. The other container is a white bakery box with a label that says, Effie's Bakery Midvale in Fancy Writing. Inside the box is a thick slab of chocolate cake. A thick slab. No, you leave it for this thing. You lean down and sniff. To your surprise, delicious aroma is coming from the purple goop.

It smells like a combination of the best peanut butter and jelly in the world with chocolate on top. Cake doesn't really smell at all. You're surprised delicious aroma's coming from the purple goop. It smells like a combination of the best peanut butter and jelly in the world with chocolate on top. Cake doesn't really smell at all. Your stomach growls, which will you eat the wonderful smelly purple goop or the chocolate cake? Chocolate cake. I'm trying to become a cake guy. Uh-huh.

Yeah, well, we gotta go with Jake's story. Yeah, Jake the cake. Which was that he'd like to start eating cake sometimes. So, now is your chance. I am becoming a cake guy. I'm like, I'm a cake guy. I just gave the cake. For follow up questions for you, Jake.

Are you planning on making the cakes? What is your favorite cake going to be? What size cake are you planning on making? And I guess not good questions, not a good topic. What is your favorite? Excuse me, we're a continued cake. That was three or cake? Oh do you like carrot cake? That was my four oh yes, I do I love I love I really like the thing that everybody likes Okay, guys chocolate vanilla to do you guys like cheesecake? Yes. Thank you friends like chocolate cookies me too Okay, I decided to take That purple peanut butter looks too weird.

You are so hungry. Your mouth waters when you take a big bite of the cake. The frosting is hard. The cake is crumbly and there is a funny aftertaste. You've definitely had better, but chocolate besides your starving, your mouth is open for another bite. When you hear your aunt calling your name, uh oh, your aunt's still home. You don't want to get caught in the basement.

What can you do? Your eyes dart out around the basement, searching for a way out. The basement window. You hurry across the room and scramble onto get caught in the basement. What can you do? Your eyes dart out around the basement, searching for a way out. The basement window, you hurry across the room and scramble onto the back of the sofa. By standing on your tiptoes, you can just reach the Grammy window sill, you hoist yourself up. Luckily the window was open, you slither through, flopping onto the grass.

Great, no one will ever know you were in the basement, problem solved. But then you roll over onto your back and face a new problem on page 27. I know it's gonna be, it's gonna be the FBI coming for Barney. It's a lot to you. It's coming for Barney. That's a little pounding. Your big mean of Noxious Cousin is looming over you.

Found you, Barney exclaims. Now I get to pound you. You're into your feet. Oh, pound and pound. Granted bound, but you live to your feet, but it's too late. Barney grabs you by your t-shirt. Let me go, you shall, but it's no use.

Barney has always been the meanest bully you've ever known. For years, you've dreamed of being able to beat him up. It's been 34 years of this. What's the matter, Wimp, Barney Taunts, afraid of me? No, you exclaim. You wish you meant it. Barney punches you in the shoulder. You know what will make things worse, but you punch back. To your surprise, Barney lets go of your t-shirt.

He stumbles backward a few steps. Ow, he cries. I didn't know you could hit that hard Neither did you this could come in handy. You give Barney a karate chop in the arms stop it. Stop it He cries. He starts to run. You can't believe it. Barney is running away from you. That's right Maybe look over your shoulder a SWAT team has arrived You're awarded the Medal of Honor I have to. You were awarded the Medal of Honor.

Yeah. The President calls you a true patriot. You were a sleeper agent this whole time after, going after Barney. Maybe this visit will be different you think. You figured safe to go back in the house. Barney probably won't bug you anymore. You take two steps and you hear a weird ripping sound

when you trip and fall over. What happened? Pijetti, you sit up and glance down at your feet, no wonder you tripped, your toes have burst through the front of your sneakers? Oh, oh. Oh my gosh, we're going super big from the cake. From the cake?

The cake is giving us cake. It never happened when we were 18. But I thought that the purple goo would be the thing that made us mad. No, cake's giving us cake. I think that there's purple goo in the cake. Interesting, you yank off with sweat. Oh, wait, wait a second, Jake.

As someone who's considering getting into cake, hearing this story, it's almost like steroids. I mean, are you feeling more intrigued by cake right now? It's inspiring. I was excited to try cake before, but now I'm boring. I'm really diving into this already. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me, right. Just to really dive into this,

the inter-called those questions, we buy in cake, we making cake, I gotta know. Yeah, I think we're gonna experiment with both. I could enjoy a fun, fettie, a chocolate cake that I make myself, but I think I'm also gonna get a cake when I go out, when I go out for coffee and I see a nice little cake at the pastry shop. I like this.

I'm gonna like this. Mmm, a little bit of flour out. I'll purchase that for later and I'll tell the clerk, you know, the clerk, oh this cake looks really good. I'm considering getting into the cake. Putting your fridge and having it every once in a while. And then say no, no pressure. If it doesn't dazzle, I probably won't get into cake.

Yeah, a lot. A lot rests on your shoulders here. I'll be back tomorrow morning to let you know. Why are you shoving me out of this store? You yank off what's left of the sneakers. You wiggle your squish toes. You've heard of outgrowing shoes, but you never knew what could happen so fast.

You hurry into the house to find new shoes. Okay, why? You pass through the kitchen, where your aunt is packing her briefcase for work. Why are you barefoot, she asks? I think my shoes shrank, you answer. You show her your ripped sneakers. Perhaps you're just having a growth spurt you offers.

You look a little taller. Up in your room, you study yourself in the mirror, you do look bigger. Maybe even a couple inches taller than you were yesterday. Your shoes are still too short. You have to borrow an old stinky pair of Uncle Harvey sneakers Uncle Harvey smells like I love I know we smells like shit. He smells really bad. He smells so bad, but he's so nice He just doesn't pay the thing Well, the problem is is that like we're always clogging the toilet and Uncle Harvey's always

going in there and having a drink or not. Yeah, he's got plunger hands. He's got plunger hands. They are a little too big for you, but they are comfortable. You're just trying the shoelaces when Doris sticks her head inside the room. I saw you in the basement, she announced.

It's gonna need to be squawkier. Sorry, it need to be squawkier, yeah. I saw you in the basement. There you go, it's out of d with the bass, man. There you go. Side of Delhi, she flaps away. Wow. Hey. She's so good.

I'm going, huh? 129, I know you were down there. She's just yelling, you better not squeal on me, you command. Okay, I won't tell it. Okay, we'll tell it. What do you have the bass, man? She heard you sound the hot. Getting bigger is great, you decide.

Okay, so you were, I'm skipping ahead a little bit. Sure. We're so big that we're intimidating now. We're getting bigger. This is great. This is awesome. Did you, did you guys hit a growth spurt when you were 34? I got, I got absolutely, I got a cup size. Yeah. Yeah. My toes lengthened, but that was it. Yeah, I'm six foot seven now. Getting bigger is great, you decide. Anything that makes both Barney and Dora stop bothering you is fantastic. That growth spurt happened at just the right time.

Now that you've got your cousins off your back, you decide to swear the neighborhood. As you leave the house, you realize that Uncle Harvey shoes fit really well. Too well, they aren't big anymore. Weird, you think. You must still be growing. You push the thought out of your mind.

You notice in kids playing baseball in an empty field across the street, you jog over to them. Then you push the thought out of your mind. You notice in kids playing baseball in an empty field across the street, you jog over to them. Then you hear, get out of your shrimp. Barney is glaring at you from center field. If you stand up to Barney and join the game, turn to page 26.

If you try to avoid him, turn to page 89. I think you just sprint at Barney and headbutt him. Barney ran away and joined a game. So what happens? He's hiding in plain sight. So just the order of things that happened is we started growing and turning you know a monster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We punched Barney. Barney got hurt. Barney immediately ran across the street and started playing center field to

the face. That was the moment that I wanted to clarify. Okay, so we're going to stand up to Barney. Yeah, we're going to chase him. We're going to attack him. Yeah, we're going to, if there's an option to attack, we silently just sprint across the up to Barney, possibly even. We're gonna attack him. Yeah, we're gonna, if there's an option to attack. We silently just sprint across the field at Barney. As soon as he calls us, shrimp, we just fly. No, preamble. No, preamble. We look violent as we ride across the field.

There is anger in our eyes. There's not a hint of familiarity. The world's tallest 34 year old. Yeah, just such a tall. We're, right now we're freaking six foot two. You glare across the ball field at Barney. You aren't going to let him keep you from joining the game. You're in luck.

You won't let to fight him. Wait a minute. Barney says a kid with blonde hair. This new kid isn't a shrimp. Come on, he tells you. You could be on our team. You stick your tongue out at Barney and join the other team. You just hope they don't hate you

when they discover the terrible truth. You're the strikeout champ. Wow, we suck at baseball. Okay, oh, okay, okay. Well, I mean, let's distract everybody. Let's warm up, let's grab a bat and say, so why is everybody else here on a work day? Oh, that's a good call.

We're all furloughed from Boeing. All of you. This is our company softball. We look in the sky. Choppers are surrounding the field. This feels like a Boeing town. Come on, kid. The boy says, your hair plane may get to Fiskville. You'll give it your best shot. You take the bat and step up to the plate. You gaze at the picture and mean looking red haired girl. You grip the bat tightly step up to the plate. You gaze at the pitcher and mean looking red-haired girl. You grip the bat tightly and wait for the pitch. Strike one, Chrissy on fire. You can't strike out, you think.

Not with Barney's BDIs trained on you. You concentrate on your next swing. The pitcher zooms a fastball at you. Swing the bat, turn to page 135. Barney must have extreme vitamin D deficiency from living in the basement. Oh, that's a good call. Also, probably low level, poisoning.

It's the poison from. Yeah, I mean, there's this bestest on the pipes. You saw those. Oh, definitely. Black mold and every corner I'm feeling. Barney, you gotta get out of there, man. You hear the sharp crack is the back connects with the ball. Then you watch a maze, as the ball takes off,

high in the air, clear across the field. Home run, some of the kids shout. You notice Barney's mouth drop open. You don't move from the plate. You stare as the ball continues straight toward a house on the next block. You watch and disbelief as the ball smashes right through the enormous front window.

You don't even care that you broke the window. This was your first ever home run as you round the bases, your teammates cheer, even Barney looks impressed. You feel great. Oh, okay. Until you hear the unmistakable sound of police tolerance. A team heading to your way.

This is real. This is too much heat for Barney. They're coming for us. They're coming for us. Oh no, we're getting this now. Yeah, we're in it. We grab everyone by the collar. We're going to be going to the company softball team.

And we grab everyone by the collar and say, let me me in on the secrets if I'm going down for this I want another good stuff We're guilty by association You glance down the street a police car is speeding toward the ball field It's red lights blink and it sirens wails You're in big trouble now Barney calls without looking back, he dashes away. They're gonna pin it all on us. They're gonna pin the leak on us. Okay, thanks a lot. Barney pressed something into our hands.

It's super glue. That's what they were using to hold on the wings. Thanks a lot, because you think he disappears in the distance. It wasn't your fault the Red Herd pitcher says, it was just a great hit. You'd better get out of here fast, another player suggests. You don't know what to do.

You didn't mean to break the window, but will the police believe you? What will they do? Maybe you'd better hide until they go away if you wait for the police and confess turn to page 73 if you run and hide turn to page four English you wait for the police to confess yeah we're gonna confess we should become a whistleblower as well yeah we're gonna whistleblow on ourself we're gonna whistleblow on ourself we have to get ourselves a deal we have to get ourselves a deal. We have to get ourselves a deal. We're gonna flip on everyone. Yes, we're gonna flip on everyone.

We get ourselves a high paying job at Boeing to cover up all the secrets. We swallow the poison power. For all the pounding we got from Barney, you don't know of anything. I guess ultimately in this narrative, I don't know who side the FBI is on. Are they helping cover for Boeing or are they not?

Boasting equally likely. Okay, so we're gonna find out. We're following the money, okay? That's what we're asking. We're following the money and the freedom and freedom is an plea deal. Okay, we're just gonna contest. You've decided to tell the police what happened.

We walked through a dam and just start rambling off every name that we've ever heard. Okay. Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Dark Dice. Dark Dice is a free, harbor actual play podcast. It's a legitimately scary podcast that does a great job bringing a horror campaign to life. The episodes are short, averaging 30 to 45 minutes, and the cast is a mix of first-time players and folks you might recognize, like Jeff Goldblum, Lily Peachoo, and Jasper William Carright, friend of the pod.

Look at that! Dark Dice has won over 20 awards for sound design, acting, and music. They edit combat to be condensed and enjoyable, while still playing true to the dice roles. Every terrifying monster feels like it's actually in the room with you. Their new season just launched Shores of the Silver Thrum. It's a new story with a new cast about a terrible, corrupting sound that infects all who hear it. Dark Dice is available for free however you listen This episode of NAD Pod is brought to you by ManScaped and their brand new Platinum Package 4.0. Inside this Platinum package, you're going to find stuff like the lawnmower 4.0 trimmer,

the weedwacker ear and nose hair trimmer, ultra premium body wash, ultra premium 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, and ultra premium deodorant plus much more. Holy shit, what a bundle! If you buy this, you're never going to need to go to a pharmacy or grocery store ever again, except for like food and stuff, but come on, you know that's different. Here's another thing that's gonna be different, your confidence. When you use the platinum package, you're going to look good, feel good, and smell good, because with their premium deodorant, you can get Cologne Quality Scent on the go.

It's also aluminum-free, so you don't have to worry about getting accidentally trapped by a big magnet, one of my top 10 concerns in life. Another thing you don't have to worry about? Paying full price. Because right now you can get 20% off and free shipping with the code POPHA at manscap.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscap.com when you use the code POPHA. So use the platinum package because the gold standard is no longer good enough. Thanks manscaped, thanks everybody, enjoy the show.

We're here about the broken window they say, did any of you kids see who did it? The other kids looked down at the ground, the red-haired pitcher scuffs her foot in the dirt. I did, you announced stepping forward, but it was an accident, unlike the stuff that happened at Boeing. The officer studies you for a minute. How old are you, kid? She asks, I'm 34, you said. The officer says,

you're awfully big for your age. So. What are you, six, two, six, three? The average person's only like five foot 10. Well, you better be careful. You don't know your own strength. I'll be careful from now on officer. You promise. We'll let you go this time since it was your first home run. Wow.

Yeah. So, uh, and you gave us so many names. And you gave us so much information. Uh, whatever leaf you watched the patrol car drive off, come by and play tomorrow. The red haired pitcher calls after you as it breaks up. Okay. You return to your relative's as Housenie noticed something very strange. The porch roof is at least two inches closer to your head than it was when you really had. We have had such a day. Yeah, that's such a day.

Okay, Otik, we just heard about this nice and cake. I think what would you recommend? Yeah, where does pie fall into this? Like when you say I'm considering getting into cake, does that mean cake imply? Sweet guys, guys, is cake pie? Are they? Is it a shame?

Is it a shame? I'm a hot sauce, oh, man. This is a shame, please. I'm not asking that question. I'm asking for Jake, his subjective experience. When he says I'm getting into cake, does that include pie? Because he's... It was that pie does not qualify.

Not in my eye. Okay, pie does not qualify in my eye. Okay, great. Kicks for Jake, pie does not qualify. Mm-hmm. Is this really only a growth spurt you wonder? Page 95. Okay, so we're in witness protection now.

Yeah, we're in witness protection. Uh, you try. Bowenstock is plummeting. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. It's like there's super glute. Like, there's super glute airplanes. Yeah.

You try to think of any possible reason you could suddenly start growing. You think back over everything you've done the past 24 hours, you still have to figure out the answer when you enter the kitchen. Dora and Barney are making sandwiches in the kitchen. A bird making a sandwich, you say? That's strange. Barney's getting her braids in the peanut butter.

Okay, so they're just being mean to us. Bo-blah, you're eating, you're radish. Wait, Barney isn't eating a bit of humble pie because we just had this home pie. No, he's still being mean, he's super rude. Really? Well, he's mad now because now we're the whistleblowers. Yeah. And we took a lot of information.

And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information.

And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And we took a lot of information. And so we handed that over to the FBI and he grabs you

and he says, it wasn't ready yet. Do we find a bunch of merch he made for himself with like silhouettes of his face with hero on it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had whistles made with his picture on them. Wow, it's just blower. Yeah. Then you remember something something you were very hungry

when you were hiding in the basement. Hungry enough to eat that stale chocolate cake. Maybe there's some ingredient in the cake that is making you grow it. It tastes kind of funny. If you find out what was in the cake, you should be able to figure out how to stop growing. Turn to page 34. We don't want to stop growing. We don't want to stop growing. Well, we should find out why we're growing though. Oh, so we can sell it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because our Boeing shares mean nothing now. Why did we whistle blow? We're going to short the shares. We should have been shorting.

That was good. That was the rest. We just did it under. He told me that. Okay. It's very hard for us. And we're also trying to game the stock market. This was our plan, but we inhaled a little too much black mold We're playing every single angle. Yeah, we went downstairs and we just breathed in so much black mold Conspiracy born and got confused Brand two separate schemes at the same time that we're in direct conflict each other. We tried to short, but we grew too tall. Yeah.

Yeah. You race down in the basement and open up the refrigerator. They have to cake box to still send in extra jar of purple goop. You examine the cake box, but there's no list of ingredients. Just the name of the bakery. If frustrated, you shove the box back onto the shelf and purple peanut butter jar rattles.

Then you have a crazy thought. If the cake made you grow, because the peanut butter make you shrink. You were not interested in that. Again. We're not interested in that. Again, we're not interested in that. Okay. Okay. I mean, wait, wait, wait,

I'll make this a democracy. I mean, raise your hand. No one can, we will realize everyone who raised our hand. Raise your hand if you would like to stay huge. Yeah, what's your king? Giant or shrink? I kind of, I just want to see. The logic doesn't make any sense to sit like,

I'm growing because of the cake, I'll shrink because of the peanut butter. Yeah. Well, they're next to each other in the fridge. We are divided because both Jake and I want to stay huge and call well, I'm nerfed and not raise their hands. Yeah. If anything, I'm saying eat more cake.

Yeah, is there an option? Yeah, we know where cake hurts us at. I'm curious here, I know where cake hurts is that. I'm curious here, I want to eat the peanut butter. Okay. You might as well try. You grab the jar and take a big spoonful of the stuff and swallow it. It tastes awful.

It's like a combination of Brussels sprouts and liver. Yeah. Healthy stuff. You force yourself to swallow all the goop in the jar. Will you shrink? You feel an odd tingling sensation all over your body. It's working, you think I'm getting smaller, but then something bumps into your head.

You glance up to see the ceiling, an inch from your nose, what's going on? The refrigerator is far below you. All the furniture looks as if it belongs into the dollhouse, somehow you've grown another two feet. Purple coob didn't make you shrink after all, instead of maybe growing faster, you're so big. Yeah, I'm not even able to get out of the basement.

That's what was happening. Boeing was moving from airplanes to super steroids. Oh, this is a military secret. Military secret to make super soldiers. This makes it. And Marty stole it from the lab and was gonna go public with it. Because why would you need airplanes if you could just have super tall people

that can throw into place? That can just walk. Yes, and I wrote people places. throw into place? That can just walk. Yes, and I rode people places. Like tall enough to walk through the ocean. Yeah, you could just walk through the ocean now. The ocean. I don't know.

I don't know. Like you're waiting through a fucking pond. Yeah. Can you imagine? Can you even imagine? I can. And it's so much cheaper just to grow a bunch of corn if you're a giant man than it is to make jet fuel.

I can. You can't. If we made the idea of that, the idea of the military sitting around being like, we just need to make people huge and then someone's like, what are we gonna feed these huge people? Big corn. Meet the corn, big corn. You have to. You peer up the stairs. The basement door leading to the kitchen is so small. Will you be able to fit through it?

You start up the stairs hoping to make it to the top before you are too big to get through the door. Smash your foot crashes through the bottom step. They're just holding rickety. You tell yourself you lift up the other foot and place it on the next step. Crash stairs won't work. You glance around the basement.

You've got to get out before you're trapped inside. You have to move fast. You're still growing. You notice a window. It will be a tight squeeze. How many times are we going to be this big, we find out this window. We are just slithered through this window. You pull up in the window, you're so big now,

you accidentally rip it out of its frame, pieces of wood and glass fly everywhere. You start to climb through. You're gonna need so much corn to sustain yourself. You're there. You don't really fit, but you're already halfway out. You refuse to give up now. You can hear the house ripping and tearing

as you push your way through. Broken pipe, spurt water, torn wood scrapes your skin. At last you fall into the lawn. You glance up to see a huge hole in the wall where the basement window used to be. And then you hear a piercing scream. We gotta get to the corn field. I need corn.

I must have corn. I need the most calorie dust would you have? Corn. Corn. Corn. I need so much corn. Boba, Dora is shrieking and staring at you in horror. Dora, you say it's me, your cousin, but you're so big she doesn't even recognize you and you can tell you're still growing.

Help! She squawks. It's immune alien. You pull yourself to your feet. Maybe if she can see all of you, she'll see, she'll know who you are as you see her. Wow, can we just take a second to appreciate that sentence. Maybe if she can see all of you,

she can know who you really are. Isn't that how we feel at all times? It's like some cold, clear wind. As you stand, your hair brushes the tree tops. Door looks very small standing in the yard beneath you. And now Barney runs out of the house. Call the police, Doris Scream. Again, alien in our backyard.

You're working with the police. I know about this. I know about the Superstar Rods' extreme. Barney takes one look at you and turns white. He spins around in heads for the house. He's going to call the police. They've already been called about about you once if they come again you'll be in so much trouble you'll never get out of it you've got to stop barney but how grab him and try to explain turn to page six or throw something in his path

well great is it grab him or throw something in his path grab grab him or throw something we're so huge why wouldn't we grab which is grab him if we throw something we're gonna crush them though My curiosity does say what are we gonna grab and throw is it gonna be super soldier glue that explodes? Oh, and then there's a Kaiju battle between us and Chucking something at Barney might be like communication form that he respects Oh Can we can we hurl the corolla at him?

Yeah, yeah. Okay, you've got to stop Barney. You're now so big you're afraid if you grab him, you'll squish him. You have to act quickly, he's almost at the door. You reach out and grab the first thing your hand touches. A Toyota Corolla.

A Toyota Corolla. Ah, with the hideous crack, the roof rips off of the Toyota Corolla. Brace and roof in shingles. They're like falling leaves from the Toyota Corolla. Wait, what is it actually that we have? A house. We grab a house?

That's the roof of the house. Not even like a hen's coop. Like what? Not even like a hen's coop, like a full grown house. Like a full grown house. Not even a tiny house. Like grown up house. Well yeah, like a hen house is a baby house.

This is a full grown house. What about a tiny house? A adult house. It's a, yeah, your young uncle yeah, like a hand house is a baby house. This is a full grown house. What about a tiny house? It's a, yeah, your young uncle do live in a tiny house except the basement is huge. And that's why it's a living down there. Again, it's a barbarian situation. Yeah, you stare at the roof in your hand, shocked you peer into the house.

From inside the neighbor's stare up at you, they were eating lunch. Now they're screaming in terror. It's a monster, the father, the family shouts. Oh no, they're eating corn for lunch. No way you cry. Do I have to be in the direction of the food? But your voice is so loud, what's left of their house shakes.

The family rushes out to the street. You search for Barney, but he's disappeared. You feel terrible. Maybe you can fix the damage you've caused. You kneel down beside the house and carefully set the roof back in place. Unfortunately, parts of them seem to be missing. You glance around the yard for the missing pieces, parts of them seem to be missing.

You glance around the yard for the missing pieces, then you hear an angry growl. Oh. Oh. Okay. The growling turns to a nasty snarl. You feel a stingy on your ankle. You glance down to see the neighbor's dog a right while they're attacking you. You're so huge.

Just like being attacked by a cricket. You ignore the dog. Look around for pieces of the house. You turn around and see dozens of people approaching their whole thing golf clubs, kitchen knives, rooms and shovels. They look frightened, but they turn them in. The difference between golf clubs and kitchen knives,

is a lot. I mean a broom, too. A broom is like, not for what he is. A broom is like, Shu Shu, and then kitchen knife is, I'm going to put your fucking throat. Yeah, there's just one dude that's looking to end this quick. Not good. Hi, you say, trying to sound friendly.

I'm sorry I wrecked your roof. It's almost as good as new now, but I'm really trying to expose something. You see, I've taken some of the super steroids that my cousins told from Boeing. The man who's used to damage shapes. If you take pictures of me right now, you can sell it to journalists. Exactly.

I can cut you in on my deal. That's the only one that destroyed my house. He yells, the other shriek can shake their weapons. They shout for you to get out and don't come back. Maybe that's not such a bad idea. You're not sure where to go. But you're definitely not welcome here. It turned to page 106.

Oh my gosh. Okay. So we are going6. Oh my gosh. Okay, so we are going into witness protection. Yeah. We might be able to just walk across the ocean and hang out with our parents in Europe. Yeah. Okay. You can get to the dental convention if we leave.

We can get to Estonia for sure. Yeah. So we've got another page of no choices, but essentially we're just running around accidentally crushing things and being chased by the neighbors. Some of them having kitchen knives. Yeah. Do you crush anything funny? Do you crush anything like a taxi cab

or like maybe like an ice cream truck or something like that? Would that be funny? That'd be funny. That'd be funnier than other stuff. A taxi cab. I think it'd be funny. Yeah. If we crush two taxi cabs, they would go

on our feet like roller skates and we'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, okay, I like that. We, you step on one taxi cabs they would go on our feet like roller skates and we'd be like whoa whoa Okay, I like that. We you step on one taxi cab Well, this feels like I have one roller skate on you step on the other taxi cab Well, this like I have two roller skates on How many on your butt on an ice cream truck and then chocolate ice cream squirts out and it looks like you flew That is actually pretty good. How many people died? Well the taxi driver the taxi driver, the taxi driver

had two people in the back in the one car. The other one was too many people in the taxi. There were five people in there. So those six people get killed. And then the ice cream truck driver. Fifth person jumped in. What's the worst that could happen? Hey, Murph, thanks for making me laugh.

I ain't no problem. Anywhere cake stories, anybody here? Anything else we're thinking about eating? How to pretty good red velvet cupcake the other day. It's a circus. There will be people, okay, so I guess you're near a circus. You're running towards a circus to get away from all of the roller skates that you just made out of taxis

for the people. It's a circus. There will be people of the roller skates that you just made out of taxis fully people. It's a circus, you know, with people of all size, that the circus you figure. And the big top is large enough to cover you and there are several smaller, 10-spicides that you can finish at one of them. Perfect witness protection program. We just join the circus.

Yeah, right. We can hold up the tit. Yeah, yeah. We leave a highway and start running. We'll be coming to Tentpool. There are several, as you get close to the circus, you frighten several horses and half a herd of cattle and then safely reach the circus grounds, but you're still being hunted.

The police cars and helicopters aren't far behind quick. Which tent will you enter? The big tent? There must be corn. Do we want to go to the big top or the side show tents? Side show. Side show. You guys don I want the big tent. Well, there's probably that's where the most people are.

We're trying to fight, I think. Yeah. Okay. We're trying to hide because all of this is a chronic retribution for the fact that we sold out a bunch of whistleblowers. I can't, I don't know what side we are on right now because the narrative is so confusing.

Did we sell out the whistleblowers or did we whistleblowers? Yeah, we named names. We named names. The thing is, yeah, we named names. That's exactly what Boeing wants. They want it to be murky, Murf. They want it to be this confusing. Barney was like trying to take it all the way to the top

and we undercut Barney. And we're like taking on a bunch of the high ranking employees but not the full operation. So Barney's upset with us. We don't have enough for, what is it called? Is that called a Rico case? R-I-C-O when they go after the mob and stuff? That's what they wanted.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah, blah. In front of the side show, Tant is a big sign. A bunch of signs, quickly duck inside. You are amazed by what you see over in the corner. Is this Cirque du Soleil? Uh, the Beatles themed one. This is the Beatles themed one. Quickly you ducking.

I need his love. Duck inside, you see a yellow submarine. And somebody dresses as a marine. A woman in Ariel's silks dress doesn't yellow submarine. Yeah, holy shit, it's Sergeant Pepper's lonely heart's close. Yeah. You glance to the opposite side of the tent, and you see, of course, Ringo is there, Ringo is holding Paul by a mirror,

but he's standing on his hands and holding the mirror between his feet. Hey, you think being big isn't so bad here, but just then you feel something poke you in the shoulder. Starrows you turn around and come face to face. Is it regret? It's the octopus's garden. You come face to face with a man in a yellow clown suit. You're a mean Mr. Mustard. It's mean Mr. Mustard.

You're late, he scolds you, he sounds mad, but you can't help laughing. It's hard to take him too seriously with his makeup and giant painted red mouth. There's no laughing matter, he says. It's show time. Okay to seriously with his makeup and giant painted red mouth. There's no laughing matter, he says. It's show time. Okay, this is actually, so it's getting a little confusing here.

Oh, because this is the gathering of the jugalos, but they're also doing Cirque du Soleil here. So this is- Oh, Cirque du Soleil, Gulin jugalos. This is so cool. Cirque du Soleil, jugalos theme Cirque du Soleil.

It's spelled a little weird though. So Ringo Star is a jugalos. Yeah, Cirque du Soleil and St. Clown Posse. But this guy, The theme starts just to lay. It's spelled a little weird though. So Ringo Star is a jugalow. Yeah. It's a lay insane clown posse. But this guy, this guy right here is violent J from the, from ICP. Okay. I see.

But the insane clown posse. Before you can protest, he pokes you with a large tent pole. Yow, she exclaim, as you stumble through a flap in the curtain, it's dark, something smells really gross. Where are you? Turn to page 84. You find yourselves eye to eye with another jugalow. Only this time it isn't a clown. This time it isn really gross. Where are you? Turn to page 84. You find yourselves eye to eye with another jugalow. Only this time it isn't a clown.

This time it is an elephant. Hi there, you said it was giant beast. You are so big now. Elephants are really smart. I think they could make the decision to become. Yeah, I've seen elephants paint. They could be pretty good. They grieve they're dead.

They can become chocolate. They could definitely understand the ICPs music. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest.

You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest.

You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. You can become the dumbest. Children of all ages you are about to be astonished by the extraordinary feats of the amazing strong go The elephant looks at you expectantly you have a funny feeling you are the amazing strong go The announcement continues watch the amazing strong crazy that we've risen immediately

So we're headlighting the gathering of the We're gonna lift an elephant. Yeah, who is this other strong go that like is as tall as us Yeah, yeah, it seems really convenient Who is this other strong go that like is as tall as us? I can't lift an elephant. Yeah, it seems really convenient. Wait, do we think that Barney was moonlighting us this because he's currently furloughed? Do you think that he was taking super soldier goop and so that he could headline gathering

of the jugalos and lintin' elephant? Yeah, the Cirque du Soleil colon the gathering. They do have wrestling at the gathering of the jugalos so this is all that's up. So somebody has to fight an elephant at the head of the gathering. They do have wrestling at the gathering of the jugalos. So somebody has to fight an elephant at the head of the gathering. We crack our new life. Who is this character? We're really bad for this. We name names of whistleblowers. We're trying to short a company.

We name whistleblowers. So that we could profit off the company getting in trouble, but the whistleblowers are also going to jail. This is what Nightmare Allie should have been about. This is Christ. You stumbledey should have been about. This is a crisis. Okay, you stumbled through the flap, the elephant. You hate plant, it has a juggle. The elephant pushed you with a strong thinning nudges you

all the way to the center of the ring. You were surrounded by cheering people. When the applause dyes down, the tent grows you're really silent. They are all waiting for you to go into your amazing Strongo act, but you can't lift an elephant or can you? If you are able to do five push ups turn to page 16 Then five push ups turn to page 40 definitely do five. Okay. He definitely do five push ups. Should you do it now? Yeah, no, it's so bad for audio

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Okay. He's making it. He's making it everyone. He's making a good for audio but bad for him. He's making it so good for audio though It was so good for audio but bad for him. He's making it so good for audio though. Fiii! He did it. It was so good for audio. I have to agree on it with you five times. I really need a piece of cake after that. Jake, what do you think I should eat? What's the best cake for after workout? I don't know, dude.

I'm just getting into it. I'm considering getting into it. I feel like some of the answer to that question is... This is why he's a guest. I mean, next to you, dude doesn't know shit about cake. I will have me back. I feel like some of the answer to that question is yes, I guess I will have me back He likes ideas He likes the idea of cake, but he doesn't know cake the cake

Okay The amazing strong go the ringmaster cries strongest human being in the world will now attempt to lift Dodo the elephant you approach the elephant You used to mean you study her from all sides Finally you decide the best technique would be to bend your knees and wrap your arms around her lengthwise The elephant drapes her trunk around your neck and tickles your ear cut that out you whisper no hold still the elephant Hold still you begin to lift the elephant is heavy really heavy You managed to lift Dodo a foot off the ground the greatest cheering you on the elephant holds still. You begin to lift, the elephant is heavy, really heavy. You manage to lift, dodo a foot off the ground. The crowd is cheering you on, the elephant grunts happily, then suddenly someone in the audience shouts,

alien, alien, it's the alien. What? Why did people jump to alien and not super-souper? Is there skin purple in something like that? This is classic, right? Everyone thinks that secret military technology is actually alien technology. Mm-hmm.

Here we are. Here we are. Here we are. Okay, so everyone's freaking out in the crowd. Then you spot your cousin Dora sitting right in the front row. So these kids are active today. Okay. They watch the house door.

They try to play hide and seek. I know that you're not supposed to be here, right? Okay, right. Ah! You should be in your cage. I flew. I flew. Did you, were you expecting to see Barney here?

Ah! Yeah, I... No, I was expecting... Has Barney been taking Super Soldier good moon lighting as a strong man? Uh... Is this whole circus part of the big plan from the original owners of the house to create a circus of strong men and then Barney co-op to that room? And how many insane clown-p posse songs do you even know? He's trying to take the juggles for himself.

How do you carry money? Then you spy your cousin door on the front row. You've never been so happy to see her before in your whole life. In fact, this is probably the only time you've been happy to see her. Tell them, Dora, you should out save me. Tell them I'm not an alien.

Dora stares back to you then she smiles. Hooray, you're saved. You can't write. Torn to face the smile. You fucking fool. Yeah, that's totally true. Okay, she does not help you out. It's turn to page 120,

everyone's still mad at you. They're chasing you around. Good God, no more choices. Okay, please her back. They're chasing you. You talk to sir back, they're chasing you. You talk to the elephant, DoDo, you whisper. Would you like to do me a really big favor? Arrrr, the elephant answers.

The elephant understands. The elephant is nice. Yeah, so if you can do tin crunches, go to page 43. 10 crunches, you can speak elephant. We need to get this cake and peanut butter into the elephant, because then we could ride the elephant across the ocean floor. That's perfect. Straight to Estonia, straight to Estonia.

Straight to Estonia. Freedom. Okay, so we could form a rogue nation on the back of an elephant. Wow. You say dodo, you tell the elephant, here's the plan, you distract them all the way, you can swear dodo nods at you, you pat dodo on the rear. The elephant lumbars down the highway right toward the police.

You watch as the police car skid and swirled to avoid the elephant, dodo swings your junk at the car. She used to be having a good time. You take off in the opposite direction. The opposite through the floor. Your after us from the floor. Yeah.

Just absolutely helping us out. Like a radical love. Give that elephant a hatchet. You're so big. Now you take big giant steps. Doesn't take a long for you to out distance the police cars and helicopters. But you're much too big to hide anywhere.

You're going to have to find help. But where the police think you're a mutant alien. Your relatives are afraid of you who could possibly help you. Think back to where your trouble started. If only you hadn't eaten that piece of chocolate cake. That must have been what caused you to grow. You can't think of any other answer. You had to find the person who made the cake. It's your own solution, but who made the cake?

You close your eyes. Try and remember the name of the cake box. Was it Effie's bakery, Midvale? Effie's. It was Effie's. Or was it Maddie's bakery, Elmville? No, it was Effie's. It was Effie's. Yeah. As fast as you can run, you outrun everybody soon. You're approached Midvale, which I guess is the town where Effie's bakery is quickly. You scan the business district. There it is. Effie's bakery, a small gray wooden building. The residents of Midvale scream and run when they see you. You don't care. All you care about is finding Effie

as your approach to Lissus smells poor out of the tiny building. Using your finger, you gently tap on the door. A plump gray-haired lady comes to the door. You expect her to scream, but she doesn't. Her tiny head tips backward as her eyes travel up, up, up to meet yours. May help you?

She asks. I hope so, you reply. You explain explain your problem I think your cake caused it you finish so that's what happened to the chocolate cake she says turn to page 62 hmm okay if you're working for Boeing 2 is there anyway you can reverse it if you think I'll try she agrees but it'll have to be a huge cake you'll have to help me gladly agree to help first ifie leads you to a huge dumpster behind her bakery. Here's where I get rid of my mistakes, she tells you. The dumpster is full of moldy, strange shaped cakes.

And shredded paper. And shredded papers. How involved was Effie in all of this? Whoa. Yeah, after you clean out the dumpster, Fee brings 50 bags of flour and spices, you empty them into the dumpster. She climbs out. She's got a good tension to this.

Oh yeah, this is a good lesson on how to. The classic cake stuff. Yeah, it's actually really, this is really fascinating to me. Yeah. Then she adds seven gallons of water. Take the cake, learns to bake. From a garden hose. And now for the shrinking powder, page 21.

They make the cake, you chew it and swallow it and you wait, nothing happens. Eat some more, if you suggest. It tastes too gross, you complain. Effie holds up two beakers of liquid, one purple and one blue. Maybe one of these will help. A kid I know. Okay, okay.

A kid I know named Kermit gave these to me. Kermit is a really smart scientist. Is this named Kermit gave these to me. Kermit is a really smart scientist. Is this a Kermit does Kermit work for Boeing? We ask for Airbus. Does Kermit work for a competitor? Do you think this is why the Concord secretly went out of business? It's because they were trying to use shrinking potions to sell more seats. It's possible.

I feel like they've been doing that to the overhead space, tell you what. Whoa, thank you, thank you. Jacob was everybody. Jacob was guy. Jacob was. You stared the beakers and suddenly remember something. There was a kid named Kermit in a Goosebumps book he once read.

Yes, Monster Blood 3. And he invented a liquid that made things shrink, but what color was the liquid? Choose the blue liquid, turnipage 67, big the purple liquid, turnipage 28. Carl Stein is patting himself on the back right here. Yeah, he's trying to sell you more books. God, what do we think?

Blue or purple? I mean purple was the peanut butter and it made us get bigger. That's what I'm thinking. Right, so yeah, I'm trying to remember it's more blue or purple. I mean purple was the peanut butter and it made us get bigger. That's what I'm thinking. Right, so yeah. I'm trying to remember it's a monster blood. It's blue and three.

Should we, I feel like, so monster blood, if I'm remembering correctly, my rad 90s goose bumps covers, I, or was it something different, was monster blood the one with a giant hamster on the cover? Yeah, monster blood makes people grow, right? Yeah.

The monster blood was green. So did I, but I think there's a monster blood. I remember it. But I think monster blood makes people grow, right? Yeah. The monster blood was green. So did I, but I think there's a lot more. I remember it. But this is monster blood three. Monster blood is definitely the name of the super soldiers here. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like blue is what we want.

It's good. We're gonna be blue. Page 67. And then let's all remember monster blood three. So we can look up the cover at the end to see where we went. Blue like jet blue. I know that's exactly the name.

Oh, okay. connect the dots everyone Okay, just this go you break off a piece of cake and don't get in the blue liquid You're sure Kermit used blue liquid to make things shrink in monster blood 3 you take a bite of the cake Please work you think please and then suddenly you feel as if you're falling you gasping glance around you are falling You've suddenly become small again all at once. And you're falling straight toward the open dumpster. Squish! You land right in the middle of the smelly soft,

slimy, disgusting cake, but you don't care. You climb out of the dumpster and thank Effie. You're very welcome to your reply. She hands you a towel while you're wiping yourself off. She ducks inside the bakery. She returns with a big box of chocolate cupcakes. Here you are. She says, a treat. take home to your yonton, young, uncle. Thank you, you're a flight. You take the box and start home. But as

soon as you're out of sight, you throw it away. You didn't want to hurt Fee's feelings, but you're sick of chocolate cake. The next time you're hungry, you decide it's Brussels sprouts and broccoli for you. The end. Thank you. My God. So we got away with it. We did it. We got away with all the bad things that we did. Well, we just smashed stuff by accident.

It was by accident. We released an elephant into the wild. That's good. We took a little whistle. We didn't get all of the employees of CEOs. Yeah, God. We shouldn't have ever had the peanut butter because we were appropriately yoked

when we just ate the cake. That was when we were digging home runs. That was when we were punching Barney. We were kind of... That was that cute little picture who was kind of like, hey, you should come back tomorrow. I remember that.

Merf, didn't you like, you did something where she like brushed up against us? Like, is that good hit or something? Yeah. I couldn't remember if that happened in the blood. I can't remember if that happened either, yeah. She said, like, hey, I've got the key to the storage locker at Boeing,

if you wanna like, floor a little bit. Yeah, I feel like we did, we kicked it off with a pretty silly run because we went with the chocolate cake and said the purple peanut butter. Like, you guys did that kind of just to troll me, I think. It does make me curious. And then what happens if you just go straight to peanut butter?

I guess maybe we just skip the baseball game. Maybe. We just grow huge, because the cake just made us a little bit big. Yeah. But I feel like we fully explored this book though. I mean, I guess we could do a purple peanut butter run. I think that'll just give us the same thing,

because we end up eating it anyway. Let's look at Monster Blood 3. Yeah, let's do that for sure. Okay, Monster Blood 3, there's just a giant, it's just a giant kid's feet. There's no, there's no clues. So this is in the Monster Blood universe for sure. This is in the Monster Blood universe.

So we know within the book there's talk of some kind of blue chemical that makes things small again. But yeah, the no clues on the cover. Anyway, we can head on over to our Patreon. We'll do another AP Book Club over there. We've got a bunch of actually these give yourself Goosebumps. Goosebumps. Goosebumps. Goosebumps. Self-Scare. Self-Scare. We're going to be doing some self-scare over in our Patreon.com slash NAD. Pog this any DDP od don't sing yet. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't scream yet,

right? That's right. We've got some live shows to plug. Let's see here. We are going to be in Minneapolis for Dungeon Court, it's September 13th, Madison, Wisconsin on September 14th. Milwaukee, Wisconsin on September 15th. Chicago for Dungeon Court on September 16th. Los Angeles for Dungeon Court live on October 6th, Denver on October 27th Sacramento October 28th. Gery Portland is sold out. Thank you Portland.

Las Vegas on November 10th, New Orleans on November 14th, Orlando on November 15th, and finally rounding it out with Dungeon Court live and Fort Lauderdale on November 17th. Ooh, ooh, hot. Sweet, and you can follow us on social media, the Remembrance I use, at T.H. For Us Me, at Call These, Call the Well, at are we are Youth of the nation They made a book about a video game Game game game

We made a podcast about that Book It's in the showroom and you know what that means. It's time to shout out our Capital Bee Benevolent Council of Elders starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. You see, later, Mixgator, Matt M. Cutter W. Feared.

Ow. Daniel G. Katie G. Dungeon Mama. Okay, maybe a little bit sexual. Daniel the Dastardly Dame, Beardman Dan, Danny P. Vincent W. Victor T. Boundor's Boy. Hoyt's friend, Justin I. Danny Dantster, T.J. M. Traile the cray-fay, Christopher B, Damial R, Jordan L, cyborg version of Josh the Cobold, Pinky Fiasco, the eccentric skeleton who hosts, Spelljack, Princess Y, Michael L,

Simon the Archer, Calum L, Jack L, Sam L, Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bahumia, not currently starring in anything in solidarity with the WGA and SAG After Strike. Samuel B. Mike H. Alka Smeltzer Plus. Great value, Gemma! Adam G. Tyler F, Panama James, Heradrin, Rex Thaneurotha White, Diana Deilo Slopez, C.C. Lulu, Erkjul Prakarol, So happy to fall detective, Timmy R, Lucas B, Reiko, It's Kevin, Calder will come cold again, Winter is as check CCCC forever shout out to my fairy followers Taylor B the vengeful one-winged angel Cass skateboard Cass Captain of the Stevens Steven C Mike K Lady Taco Victoria M. Cali's nail artist and gossip buddy

Victoria M. Callie's nail artist and gossip, buddy! Oh, she deserves that. Jake L. Nick W. Swashbuckling, Swag Snugger, William W. Big Bad Beard of the Mad, Ryan Hungry, Dave's Frisbee Golf, but Ananorama, Percival Frederick Stein von Mussel Klazowski, Derolo III, Item, the simple dimples, J. Dragonborn, Vincent Thrum, S. U. R. Daniels, The Sandrayan, Ben A. Dave H. Catherine S. David K. Christian S. Dustin S. Danny F. Hawkeye Pierce.

BookVar's assistant is the F. DPC is awesome. Shown, the shade tree mechanic of Shalboldar. Summer Rose grand haire, Cat C. Kelslay, Misa of Hausen-Junza. Ariel, the occasional mermaid who will be sitting front row at the fifth anniversary show chant in Merv, Merv, Merv, Merv! Ha ha ha! Selena and Valacy Raptor, B Perky Always, Pat L, Sevexel, Lauren H, Talia, Ryan S, the Bone Duster, the Charming Fluff, Melissa, Ball Business Illustrator. I would like to see maybe Jaina, how's she looking now? Bloops, Carly A. Connor S. Sileal, Leviathan, Bioquart 7, Amber Dextrousous Sullivan H. Trubhap Droper Sidney T. Jack H. Crapster Champion of

Crosse Cuttleings Sideways, Dorks Tomorrow. Aphorix, Lindsay W. Steele Birdy, Juicy Kiwi, and Natcord presents a little picnic called Monhas Alive Show, tailgate in Central Park 3PM October 7th! Vailen, Carlin C, Emily S, Noah the Bagel of all things, James G, everything Bego the Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet Badger Stripey, daddy Master Dandy, Eric B, Marcos, learns the balanced druid, Dakota James P, Frida M, Pagos, Patroth, self-proclaimed fave prints until Halloween 2023, stay tuned. Oh, I am so curious. Tracy P, the Crick-Elf, Labyrinth, Andy E, Maggie S, the 2022 spell check, Jebion. Binky, thanks you for your service.

Holly Hyena, Kristen Z, Leah C, Hunter H, May B, Pixel Stars, Akash T, Andrew, Crick, Plainswalker, Dufinus, Cal, just Cal, Edison, N, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, Cody Care, our friend Simon, calling Shell B for help, but time is disordying as they move through it so fast do they hear him shout out. Keychains Pentium II processor, Lorelai the succubus and Kaira Herbusti Queen, Matt M. Your friendly neighborhood yon and young young girl, Andrew, and said,

Nope, sorry, just promoted to mom and dad, baby, napple coming December. Congratulations! John Adams, yes, like the president, Meg, the male carrier of Bumia, who has gotten promoted due to her superb service to Simon. James F, M4L, Austin S S. Wayfarer has now settled into their new life in the Feyr-Rome essay florest. What could go wrong? Shane C. Barple Good Barrel Barth-Berry-In! Mary Beth C. C. Y'all in Chicago in New York City? I can't wait. Contender in the making. Welsh Linda, Garrett G. One Big Cerd, Mr. D,

Talisman, the man with the lucky charms for you. Dana the Daisy, Sean J, Ethan B, Renee, the monster captain, Gabrielle W, Box Clifton, the once-in-medium king. Olivia the enchanting bard who is working hard on her audition for the lead singer of the mountain crows. Winter Slade. Forest H-A-K-A life is like a box of Martha Togold sticky buns. Riley S. Fyco, angry, heat, Thr Thraft the demon lord of spite,

Anthony the Radist of dudes who secured his Carnegie Hall, thick as firm, summon his lovely partner, Josh the finest of dudes! Josh H, mango empanadas, Clementine T, Caleb L, Fairy follower say hi! Hashtag called her will cold, come call again. Kintrip Dumbledore the bear onesy wearing barbarian. MJ the BFG drinkin' tea by the sea. Little ferret pal.

Dogs of baffle. Mr. Miyowski. Geno T. Mama Bell. The silver serpent herself. Simon will never penetrate my mental defenses. Funir, Bouchikawaowow, Derek D, Tristan the talentless hunk. Leon K, legendary hero of Bohemia from a future campaign. Mio's the great! Alex K. Joshua P. Joshua S. Alexander. Linz W. Angel La Pamela Sandra Rita as this continues, you know he's getting sweeter. Emma S. Red the reforged warforged.

Dragon Knight 86 the godly king. It kept casually basking in the sun enjoying the seetheing sounds of mad pot. Oh, that hit me right to my core. Hard ones hot, hump gunk, what a thing to follow it with. Shelby, who now arrived in 2022 following the 2.2 crew in Tohoomia! Oh, good time to be alive. Stale bread on salad, aka Cruton, Jackson R, T3RHX, Michelle, Andrew S, Nova B, the

Deathcore Bard, Caitlin D, Z-Borb, Blake H, Big Bev's Bestie, Lloyd, the rat that controls my cerebellum, Opa Remy from Ratatouistile. Shelby C. Papa Skydays. Mimo Skydays. Tommy W. Michael D. Haley the human Lord Damon Duke of the dungeon. Megan N. The Big M.

John Fraser, the Dice Linder Linda Stephanie of House in Zunza. Oh, another wow, the House Grows. Jake's Rommenshop, Tracy P. Cargis and Benjamin A. Thank you all so much. You let us do what we do. We love what we do. And so we love you. Goodbye, sweeties.

That was a hit gun podcast. what we do, we love what we do, and so we love you. Goodbye, Sweeties.