Not Another D&D Podcast - Adventure Book Theatre: Goosebumps - Please Don't Feed the Vampire!

Episode Date: October 13, 2023

The Book Buds sink their teeth into another juicy entry in R.L. Stein's "Give Yourself Goosebumps" series! To mix things up, the gang also invites dog-owner and spooky-movie-enjoyer Jake Hurwitz along for the ride (it only goes okay though, so don't expect to see him again anytime soon).Stream Caldwell and Jake's Spooky D&D Livestream Here! - Moment.co/DanddAnd buy tickets to upcoming NaddPod Live Shows Here! - Naddpod.com/Live---CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon8-Bit Book Club Theme by Emily AxfordSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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This is a Headgun Podcast. We made a podcast about that book. Welcome to Ape at Book Club, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. We really do. How about this? Flip, flip, flip. Yeah.

Oh, sorry. I kind of did it wrong. So it's supposed to be welcome to Ape at Book Club, the only book club that makes you dumber. Flip, flip. Dumb, dumb. Oh, yeah. We are your Lord, Lord, Sprime, Murphy, Emily, Axford, and Caldwell, Tanner. And Jacob Oh yeah. We are your Lord Lord's primary,

fiancee, I'm the expert in called World Town. And Jay Kerwin, we're actually in New York right now. Wow. Home town of one, Jay Kerwin. Yes. Yes. Lord Lord himself. And so the four of us are nice.

The four of us are nice. That we can show up and have you as a guest. No, we're not travelers. Yeah. Oh, that's, I think is that why we got Jay Gone? Yeah. Well, Jay cut the recording space and is that why we got Jake on? Yeah. Well, Jake had the recording space and he like allowed us to come in here and record. And that was kind of like the deal we made.

It's like, we can use the space and I'm like, I'm making you on the go. Yeah. At the back time. Dude, we made a bargain. That's exactly what happened. I think you dropped a ring for you. Yeah. Thanks for having me.

Do you have anything you want to plug? Off the bat? Yeah, right. Okay. Because we don't know if he's going to make it to the end of the episode. Why don't you help plug your guys' Patreon, not like that, come. It's not.

Patreon.com slash now, come on. Hey, you've got it wrong. Sorry. It's incorrect. And it's yours. It's yours. No, I didn't look ahead of time. Okay, everyone, we need to take on a decidedly more spooky mood

because this is the Halloween special of A-Pit Book Club. We are going to be reading Goosebumps. Give yourself Goosebumps. Oh! Which is a shot if I'm gonna put. Yeah. You can. You can.

You think I can? Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself.

Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub it ice cube on yourself. Rub so sad. So sad. In seventh grade, everyone was learning how to give themselves goose bumps, and I just never figured it out. Wow. Wow. I think this dude in ice cube, you can do it. Okay, so this one is called, we picked an especially scary one. It's called, please don't feed the vampire.

And there's a, she just described the cover. Okay, there's a poodle. Who looks like a vampire. Oh, yeah. And she's got a bone in her bowl. I think that might be a human bone See this is why we can't have Jay

Levels man, we haven't we discovered that you don't like scary movies before I do not like scabels So I'm easily nervous already that this might my Terry. That is, yeah, this book for seven year olds. Jake, because your dog is part poodle, I think, right? There's a gut, yeah. So like these have poodle. So you see this, you see this cover, bring him into anything. Why are you trying to do a vampire?

Whatever the poodle's name, it's now ding-a. No, no. No. Not my sweet boy. All right, let's open up on page one. I look like a nerd, don't I? Like a complete nerd, you moaned to your friend game. I look like a nerd.

Oh. Oh. How old do we think we are in this one? Wait, what are we old with 34? What's the scariest number? What's the scariest number? It's a lovely number 34. 34 is a prank.

That's a prank. 36 maybe? 36 is great. No, I think I'm not that scary. 39 is scary, because then everyone's talking you about being 40. Oh, but what you know, I'm 38, and I'll be 39 next year, so that's a very scary number.

I just feel like every year gets better, so I can't relate to this. I feel like one would be the scariest. Yeah. Well, look at your brain and you were a baby. That was true, really. every year gets better so I can't relate to this. I feel like one would be the scary one. Yeah, well, you're brained. You were a baby. That was true. You definitely can't drive.

A lot of other people can't drive. And you're probably getting weaned. So suddenly you're having to provide food for yourself. You're not a good kid. You won your old. That's so scary. You're learning how to use the microwave. You don't.

Emily, what was your childhood? It took so long to figure out the microwave. Yeah, we're teaching Gemma early. Yeah, you really got to, you just gotta let them learn. All right, anyway, we're 39 years old. So in the mirror, you see your costume and win. Halloween is only a few days away. I'm doomed.

You and Gabe have been best friends for two years, which isn't very long though. 39 years old. So we met in what happened all year. What happened? You were weird. Hey, man, we years, which isn't very long though. 39 years old. So we met him at 37. We met him at 37. We met him at 37. We met him at 37. And we were in a dodgeball.

Yeah, at a we work. Sanction dodgeball league. I don't dodgeball league. Because we both, we work independent. We're not actually co-workers. But we can have the illusion of the work. Yeah, we work. We work as our partners.

We're both independent analysts, right? And we were at one of the we works that closed down when they had, when they had, when they had, oh, that's so rough. So now we've been up at coffee shops to try and keep the vibe going. But the vibe is off, honestly. Yeah. And it's mostly like 20 year olds around us

and they went so hard at dodgeball. Oh. They've been us really like, stuff on the knees. It was a bond about the fact that we just could not go as hard as these 20 year old Do you think that we engage with the reasons they closed down the we work because we were causing so much trouble? It is possible. Yeah, yeah, I think that was out. It was mostly the over valuation of I think us and Gabe were staying like a little too late After work, it was like we work turns into a we play am I right? we play. Am I right? We have to keep going. At 10 o'clock at night, as the security guard says, I have a family to go home to. Okay, so you and Gabe have been friends since you were

37 years young. Gabe has long brown hair, wire-rimmed glasses, and a way of giving advice that sometimes bugs you. Okay, this is your best friend. Sounds exactly like a 30-million dollar bill. Like a 39-year-old bill. It also kind of sounds like Murph a little. Whoa! Is this yourself answered? Is this your OC? Yes, this is a GERF. A G-Gay Murph. You do look pretty stupid GERF's GERF admits.

Where did you get that costume anyway? It's called Vampire and Can you explain? Holding up the cardboard can. I bought it from Mr. Routerly at you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this.

I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I'm gonna ask you guys to come and get some of this. I don't believe it Gabe Slaps his forehead you bought a costume from the eyeball man What if he took out his glass eye Jesus Christ? That's not okay. What's the game? Garbos 40 dude

This is okay at the we work That kind of behavior there I think then right now in this moment we are questioning our best friendship with yeah We're questioning the past year and a half. Okay, so we're gonna go ahead and ask him. Gerrfe, yeah, he was up to some pretty wild stuff that we know. Well, this guy is no longer Gerrfe. Yeah, he spends the next like three paragraphs going in on this dude for having a glass on.

Wow. Just fucking weird. Gabe is canceled. Gabe is absolutely fucking canceled. Okay, so Gabe, I love if spooky stuff was not a costume store. If it was just like a grocery or something like that. That's my quarterback, you know. Okay, so he also got a small, so our character

are 39 year old. Yes, 39 year old. A little put off by Gabe at this point. 39 year old, what did you call an analyst? What is an analyst, too? I think they like analyze trades. Okay. Oh my god, awesome.

Yeah, to kind of like advise people. We're a finance person. We're like a singular finance bro. Yeah. Oh, we're like, we got in on the game stop stuff. So we're like a new way of finance. Right, all right. Yeah.

Oh my god. That's right. Wait a second, the heart just kicked in for me. Now I'm fucking scared. We're pumping and dumping shit coins. Okay. We went hard on two. All right, we're only on page two.

We skipped half of page one. Because Gabe was saying fuck, don't be your stunt game. Okay, so you reach in and pull out a small plastic packet that was stuck to the inside. It looks like a ketchup packet. What is it? Gabe moves closer. I think it's fake blood. You tell him. Really inside. It looks like a ketchup packet. What is it Gabe moves closer? I think it's fake blood, you tell him.

Really cool, Gabe says. Okay, let's eat it. Yeah, okay. Can we slam it like a goger? You eat it as you slam it like a goger. Gabe picks up the vampire in a can, the can, fire, box, and reads the label. That's weird.

It doesn't say anything on the box about fake blood. Then you notice the writing on the packet. In blood red letters, it reads danger. Keep away. You spit up the packet and hand it to Gabe. He reads the label and his eyebrows, and his eyebrows grow wide, his eyes grow wide. Are you going to open it?

He asks, I already ate it, you say. You go open, throw up the packet. What is on the packet? What? That really is crazy, man. The words on the packet are kind of scary, but you're dying to know what's inside. So are you going to open it?

If you open the packet, turn to page 34. If you don't open it, turn to page 67. I think we have to open it, right? We have to open it. We have to open it right now. I'm the only one who wants to troll us. What happens if we don't? Would you like a game over at the end?

That's how much you would like. I would like to not open the pack. There's just a lot of stocks that need our attention right now. So we that's how much you would like. I would like to not open the bag. There's just a lot of stocks that need our attention right now. So we should probably get back to the computer. You understand we're in financial room right now. Okay, so we just don't want to ruin this. We have to correct these losses.

We bought a lot of, we have to make good. We are deeply in the red. We are in the crimson. Talk about fake blood. I'm leading the real stuff. Out of my ears. We dumped GameStop. My bank account is leading the real stuff out of my ears. We dumped GameStop. My bank account is leading the real stuff. We really, we got in on the GameStop stuff at the beginning, but panic and it sold way

to early and got it went all in on Tractor. And then you tried to get in for a second time, but then that's so hot. This is why I'm not afraid of vampires. I've already been blood-dried. Open the packet, you wonder? No, I'll pass. You decide to take on your head. I mean, seriously, it might be poison or something.

Gabe tosses you the packet nervously. This gives me the creeps. I don't even want to hold it. Don't give it to me, you object, throwing it back to him. Gabe lets it fall to the floor. I don't want it. Just then your dog comes trotting into the room. Dingo!

No, no, no, we eat it. Dingo, we open it. He's up the packet and he's teased. Hey, no, we eat it. We open it. We open it. Go back in his teeth. Hey, no, dingo. Oh, no, your skull just... Oh, my God, we're scolding him now too. Put that down, no, no. But you're too late.

Dingo tears you in the back. Something red, drips your eyes. Oh, see, baby boy. Oh, no, it's caramel, young kid. He says, oh, he's eating it. And it looks like blood. Go back, can you tell you, J.D go back. I think we're supposed to not eat it Wow, I think I Talk about spooky stuff The cover story here that you know you picked the right path. Oh Dingo slurps out the red liquid in the packet

Red, good in the packet. No! Let's go, Gary! No, Jango! Jango! They're actually really special that the main feed is getting your dog, spurning into a vampire. Harriet is the wrong color, obviously. This is no longer a first person story.

This is now a third person Jake's story, and it's Jake's school. So no, Dingo Jake's school. Try to take it away. DURR! He growls at he would never hang really Not believable anymore Uh-oh Jake says and why are you still so scared? Jake says it's oh wait, no, no, sorry. This is game. I'm going to a movie and you're like somebody fucking dog

Is that my dog on screen? Oh my god dog in there? That would I mean more than I take care of so many straight cats that the chance of just seeing one in the background of a movie is not zero. Yeah, we did buy it. We did buy a chair from like a used like movie props wholesale thing. No, no, it was a Craigslist. Oh, it was a Craigslist thing, but it said that it had been used in props, right? Yeah, and so we saw a movie one time, we were like,

is that our chair? Is that our chair? It's the whole sad I'm doing. It's so distracting. It just came home and we were like, wait, it's actually not a- What is our chair in Little Women? The answer is no.

But I don't remember much else. We don't remember. Did Bob own Kirk sit on your chair? Bob. My Little Women. My favorite chair. My favorite chair. My favorite chair is on my parlor chair.

Oh my god god my little cheeks Absolutely was not in that movie we double checked and it was not anyway, but distracted us Oh long enough okay back to dingo. Oh Gabe says what's he doing that for I don't know Jake answers worried shut up Gabe My dog's gonna eat what he wants. Daningo has never growled at you in his life. That's true. That's actually true. Okay, so this is, this is, yes, I'm going on the air. We're back to reality.

Dingo does like to put stuff in his mouth though. I can confirm this. Yeah, he ate a bunch of sits toys. When the packet is empty, Dingo is so hard when we search the names. Dingo drops it to the floor. Then he barks and runs to the kitchen door. He jumps against the door with his front paws, clawing and digging.

I think he wants out, Gabe Whispers. Too bad you say he can't go out if he's going to act like this. Gah, rough, rough. Dingo, that's all exactly like him. This is a really good, this one to one. Dingo snarls and barks at you, bearing his teeth. Oh no, you cry.

You can't believe what you're seeing. He's growing fangs. He's growing fangs. Try dogs have fangs. Try to control your dog. Dogs like classically have canine. Don't wait. That's a choice. Yeah, it just says page 95. Try to control your dog. Oh, so we have to do this. Someone yelling at you on the street.

Control your dog. Okay, okay. There is no excuse me. Your dog is turning into a vampire. Please control it. Please control your dog. Okay, okay. Yeah, there is no choice. Excuse me, your dog is turning into a vampire. Please control it. Please control your dog. All right, let me do all the way. I'll do the way I control the thing.

Yeah, yeah, how do you do that? Sit bud, come on bud. Hey bud, all right bud. Leave it, Dingo. Leave it, Dingo, leave it. Leave the body, leave it buddy. My brother's dog, sorry, a little tangent. My brother's dog, they thought, like their first dog

was named after Tiki Barber from the Giants. Nice. His name brother's dog, they thought like their first dog was named after Teaky Barber from the Giants. No, it was Teaky. And they thought that they read somewhere that was bad to say no to dogs. So they would just go, oops, Teaky, oops, oops. It was so ineffective. Yeah, we'll say oops to. That's good.

Yeah. Oops, Dingo. Oopsie. Okay, Dingo snarlls at you viciously. His lips curl back exposing his new curved bangs. They're at least twice as long. I believe he keeps on turning and checking in with me. Hahaha.

Woody, Woody, are you okay? They're at least twice as long as they used to be and raise your sharp like a vampire. Dingo lunge at you, you got a job. Your own dog is attacking you. This is so fucked up. With his leg. I want to make whatever choice ends this story.

Dingo easily knocks you down. For an instant, you're sure he's going to bite your neck. What the hell? You roll away from him, cowering. Woo! His howling moan sounds crazy. He leaves at the kitchen door one more time. This time he breaks it down.

So, stop him, Gabe Stutters. Shut up, Gabe. Gabe, this isn't your story. You're so shaken, you stand there for a second. Then you grab Dingo's leash. Come on, you shout snapping out of it. We've got to get him back. But as you start to leave

the phone rings, if you enter the phone, turn to page 15. If you really rude, not to enter the phone, this is pretty unrealistic, right? You get the phone. You let it ring and run after Dingo, turn to page 41. I would sprint after my dog. Okay, so we're sprinting after Dingo.

But I want to end the story, so let's answer the phone. The story. Do you want, we can switch it to like one of, we can say we can change it to Bruce. Bruce viciously biting us. I think that's kind of fun. He would be such a cute guy.

He would be such a cute guy. I would be so sure that we would be like, that's great. I think one of my dad kills me. Okay, so Bruce has turned into a vampire. And then this is a good boy. So we're like, oh my goodness, it's so cute. Look at him.

He's trying to get biscuits, but he's in his mouth. Oh, man. Okay, so if we let it ring, do we run after Bruce, this is kind of normal Bruce behavior. Yeah, they're gonna want to answer the phone. No, I think we answered the phone. Bruce is being so chaotic, isn't it? Yeah, just let him work it out.

We're just gonna let Bruce work it out in answering. Yeah, this is classic Bruce got into the garage behavior. Yeah. Okay, you race to answer the phone. Hello, it's your mom. Hi, sweetie. She says, casually, listen, I need you to do something for me.

Hi, mom, you say, listen, I can't right now. I've got to run after Bruce. He just got loose. That's okay, your mom answers. Bruce is loose. Bruce is on the loose. That's okay. Your mom answers.

He'll come back. Now, here's what I want you to buy at the store. By the time you're done listening to her, oh, 10 minutes have passed. You and Gabe run out into the street. Bruce, you're responsible. Right?, 10 minutes have passed. You and Gabe run out into the street. It's a really irresponsible partnership. You're 39. Yeah, it's pretty cool that our mom trusts us through the shopping though. That's pretty sad. It's a 39 year old. Yeah.

This is we can buy some Mim and M's for ourselves. Bruce you cry here, bro. But he doesn't mean. Brie boy. Brie baby. Hi. It's so much nicer when it's Bruce, when it's Dingo. It's almost like I'm controlling the narrative.

But he doesn't appear. He's long gone. There's no point in searching for Bruce. Bruce could be anywhere. That is true. You're sitting back into the house and collapse on the living room sofa. When you see Bruce's water bowl,

you feel a pang in your heart. Oh, it's his heart. It's hard to go. Yeah, you you feel a pang in your heart. Oh, this is hard. So that'd be hard to go. Yeah, you also feel a pang in your head from when Bruce slammed you to the floor. What? To imagine my little cat. I always so impressed.

And my tiny cat. First cat, cat, cat, cat. Every once in a while, you check the front yard and see if your cat has come home. He hasn't. You and Gabe spend the afternoon watching reruns of Lassie on TV, okay? Oh, just after sunset the phone rings,

a cranky sounding caller grumbles. Your cat is out in my front yard. Ow! I'm going to get him quick before I lose my temper and call the police. Jeez, on a cat? Must be Gabe's dad. Oh, let's see.

Okay, okay, you agree. Where are you? Where do you live? This is, and how did you get my number? Yeah. This is it on the tag maybe? Catch the word colors. Yeah, we've given Bruce a fancy bow tie

that also has his information on it. That's cool. This is Jeremy, he snarls. I'm over on Mulberry Street. Jeremy, the weirdo, the guy who keeps caged cockroaches as pets, you say that. No, you say it in your head. Oh, okay, okay.

Hurry up, he continues, or I might do something, you'll regret. Whoa, he's got Jeremy. He's a load. I'm reporting you 4-1-1. I have someone who is mean to animals. Yeah. Can you be more specific? He's like being an ass. He's 4-1-1 the right thing to animals. Yeah. Yeah. Can you be more specific?

He's like being an ass. Also, he's a four-woven, the right thing to call. I think that's what's being the animal. He chuckles softly to himself, then he hangs up, oh brother, you moan. Oh brother! Fifi is over at Jeremy's house. Yikes, Gabe replies.

The guy who never moses lawn, the one with the weird gargoyle on his mailbox, the one who stays up all night and never goes out. Yeah, you know, it sounds pretty funny. That guy sounds awesome. Except for threatening our cat, he sounds cool. And overgrown lawn and gargoyles and stuff. Yeah, that's the weird thing. Why is he threatening this?

Okay, so like going back to like what the book actually is, which is the poodle, the poodle is turning into a vampire. Wouldn't this person's aesthetic be all about vampire dogs? Right. Why are they threatening our vampire dogs? Maybe he doesn't know yet. Yeah, like this shit, right? Is this character's name Jeremy?

The character's name is Jeremy. Yeah, I think Jeremy would like this. Yeah, so you call Jeremy back and be like, Jeremy, give it a chance. Jeremy just can't chance. I'm thinking about getting a gargoyle for myself for your mailbox. Yeah, is it on top? Is it kind of like perched on top? I says on his mailbox Wow, maybe it's like a post. Yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, yeah

Maybe I feel like just like a little gargoyle in my bathroom holding the toilet paper My mom has one actually. Yeah, she has a gargoyle in the bathroom It'd be nice to have a gargoyle like instead of a door handle You had to like reach your hand into the mouth of a gargoyle in the bathroom. It'd be nice to have a gargoyle, like instead of a door handle, you had to like reach your hand into the mouth of a gargoyle and hope there was a door handle in there. Oh, yeah, that'd be nice. Just reach in a mall to find the knob. Are you talking about like,

so it's just like an open hole on the door. And then like, you just put your hand near it and then a little gargoyle reaches its hand through and grabs it. Oh no, I was talking about like, it just looks like a giant gargoyle with a huge open mouth and it's so big that you had a little bit of it. There's the knot.

Yeah, I got it. I hope it's a knot and not a gargoyle. Okay. Yeah. Which you said makes sense. What I said was crazy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I agree. You live in a cartoon world. Yeah, you nod. We'd better get over there before Bruce bites him, or before Jeremy bites Bruce gave ads while having fun doing it. They're perfect for each other. Maybe, wait, Jeremy might be a vampire.

Yeah. Or it could be Jeremy Irons. Oh, that's true. Oh, that's the call. As the, remind me who Jeremy Irons is? He played the bad guy in the D&D movie we watched. Oh, that's awesome. This definitely could be Jeremy Hens. Yeah, as the moon rises You and Gabe approach the moon is rising

He can't be on the park and come out now right Yeah, in the distance you hear Like Jeremy stays up all night. Yeah Jeremy's vampire This is sounding exactly like Dracula's henchmen who has all the cockroaches in his prison cell. You know? This is like, yeah, this is fun. Wow.

Come back to me, I think of his name. Okay. Okay. And so you step up to the front door, then the howling stops. There are no lights on inside and Bruce is nowhere in sight. Ring the bell, gayboarders pointing. This is ring-filled behavior as what it is.

You ring it three times before Jeremy irons finally answers. Yeah, what is it? He asks roughly. He has two small marks on the side of his neck. Uh, uh, uh, Mr. Irons, you stammer. You called me about my cat, remember? Where is he? I didn't call you Jeremy Irons snaps.

I don't know what you're talking about. Then he slams the door in your face. Well, game mutters. I don't believe that guy. Ring the bell again. You ring it, you say fearfully. If you call. Why are you still here, Gabe? Yeah, we had a friendship break up.

You're not helpful. We're having a falling out like I had with all of my other friends. Yeah. You're gonna understand two years as Max for me and a best friend. That's a big. I'm already shopping for a new one. We're trying to find a new we work location. Now that it's under different ownership, we're going to try it out again. If we want Gabe to ring the bell, we turn to pay to 1-7. Yeah, let's just like Gabe ring it, right?

Yeah, Gabe, yeah. Although I don't want Gabe here. No, I don't want Gabe to be a vampire in us not. I don't want Gabe to get bit. I want us to get bit so that we can hang out with Jeremy Irons and Bruce. Jeremy Irons has been being to us though. You just have to get used to it, it's the thing.

Okay, okay. Okay, we want to have Jeremy Irons be me too. Yeah, let's get it used by Jeremy Irons. I mean to us though. You just have to get used to it, it's the thing. Okay, okay. We wanna have Jeremy, I mean to us. Yeah, let's get used by Jeremy. I want to get talked down to you. Okay, I want to get cut down to size by I was being so great. We're trading up though, is the thing. It's like Gabe is a lot. Gabe is a maniac.

But like celebrity. We know one thing or two about trading up. Yeah. That's like, I don't shit that happens on Wall Street. We also know what we're thinking too about trading up We also know nothing about selling low and behind oh, we could be the werewolf of Wall Street You reach out and ring the doorbell push it again orders Gabe don't order me around Gabe keep ringing until Jeremy Irons comes back you push the bell again ding dong Ding dong, you hear a door slam, an outside door, then footsteps. Hey, you whispered a gabe.

I think he's sneaking out the back. This is so funny and absolutely what I want to do anytime anyone knocks my door. Just leave that seat. Wow, it's been nice knowing this house that someone has discovered it. You really could do that at your house because you got this side door into the garage. So like you could just fucking drive away.

Gave the leaps off the porch and you follow him. At the back of the house, you peek into the garage. Jeremy Irons is loading a cat crate into the trunk of an old station wagon. Oh, that's so beautiful. Is Bruce inside? Wait, you call out running up to the car. Are you taking him to the back?

Mr. Irons, my cat. Jeremy Irons ignores you. I think we're paparazzi. He jumps behind the wheel, starts the engine, and backs out really fast. The car, car zooms right at you. Jeremy Irons is a star. Whoa, I'm gonna run a star for you.

Oh my God. Jeremy is dude. I love to his scar. What is his scar, so that? His scar, yeah, that's right. Damn, this person, I feel like I've barely heard his name, but he's got quite an uvra. Yeah, the D&D movie and scar, probably.

Yeah, the two is too big as a rolls, for sure. You jump into some prickly bushes to avoid being hit by Jeremy. He's scar. Meanwhile, he roars off. Come on, you yelp. Let's follow that lunatic. You and Gabe run up to the car Jeremy Iron's car without

Yeah, I'm sure you like wait I think that's true Jeremy Iron's car without car Yeah, he does have a vanity plate. This is Iron scar. Yeah iron scar Yeah, it's. Right. Yeah, his plate says iron scar. Jeremy Iron scar. Great, do you be named Iron scar? That's really good. Okay, come on, Yellow.

Let's follow that Lumetake. You and Gabe run after the car's fast. You can luckily Jeremy Iron sits a red light so you catch up. So Jeremy Iron, okay. He's a vampire at this point. Has stolen someone's animal, thrown it in the trunk, and then respects the little trap. He tried to hit us with a car, and then he respects basic giant hands. He's run down a pedestrian, and then also he's top of a red light.

Imagine purposely running someone over and then stopping at a stop sign. He had to do something illegal. Yeah, so. Then he loses you again. He turns the corner and zooms down the road to a small shopping center. There are six stores on one end, a movie theater in the middle, and some offices on the other end.

Okay. What's at the movie theater? What year would this be? Well, we were just gone down. Well, we were just just gone down, so maybe a couple of years ago. Maybe a couple years ago. A little one in the theater.

A little one in the theater. A little one in the theater. A little one little Aquaman Oh Sorry, not our chair. Starting a chair that looks like a chair. It says it on the mark here. Starting a chair that looks like one of Mervin and I'm like, I thought it was so weird that in the movie it said and introducing Mervin and his chair. A chair like Mervin and his chair.

A chair like you spot Germain's car in the parking lot, but he and the cat, Crater Gone, you scan the stores, trying to guess where he went. He could be anywhere, Gabe Moans. He could be anywhere! He was everyone moaning in the store. It's their moaning and groaning.

Have you ever seen like an 11 year old, they moan a lot. They really do. But we're 39. You're right. You're 39. You got to pick and choose your mones when you're thirty nine it's true that's immature yeah they mean moan in terms of like moan and groan and you point look there's a pet store on the end I bet he went in there maybe Gabe says but what about the movies they're showing Dracula's bloody revenge and also little women sorry, a chair alike of Murphy and Emily's chair.

I think we have time for one little women show. Okay, if you think he went into the pet store, turn to page 109 if you think he went into the movie. I think he went to see the chair alike. Yeah, he's good. Because it's so much like your chair is looking. It looks so much like our chair. We literally had to see that it had different markings

like it from screenshots. Yeah. And even if he came down for the pet store, he sees that movie theater. And he's like, we had him call us. And we also, I just need to make it clear that when we got this from Craigslist, like the bottom of it was all fucked up,

like it had been sat on by a bunch of celebrities. Yeah, that's really. And I had to get it fixed. Like Bob Wrenker rigged at it. Like Bob Wrenker rigged at it. Like Bob Wren had to get it fixed. Like Bob Wunker ripped ass. Like Bob? Yeah. He was a big cut up on set. I saw the outtakes.

The audio. The Eddie keep dropping the audio from the scene in a weird way. I think it was because the actors kept ripping ass on our chair. My little women. The actors kept farting and they kept having to lower their mics. share After The Mike it's crazy that he just try another day So good

For the afternoons the thing was so good. He was so good Crafty was just beans You look really content in the scene. Yeah, this is probably why Jeremy Irons is going into that movie because he's also celebrity. So the only way that they shot for furniture is just looking up their movie. They check out our movie. Yeah, I see what chairs are here.

And they go get chair lights. Why would Jeremy Irons take your dog into the movies? The answer is easy. Jeremy Irons is nuts. Maybe you're right, you agree? Maybe he went into the movies. Yeah, Gabe says with a sigh, too bad we can't follow him. I don't have any money, neither do you. Yeah, because we love him.

We love him. We have to pay for we work. And so, all we do is pay high for crypto and sell low. So really, really low. Not going low. Because sometimes you just have to get out. The thing about crypto is when it's high, you know it's hot. And when it's low, you know you need to get out.

That's right. I think also like a lot of times Spanias is doing the thing that everyone's gonna be doing in two years. So we're right now we're buying high selling low because we know in two years that's gonna be what that's gonna be. That's predictive behavior. Yes. And we know it's gonna pay off for some days somehow.

Okay, maybe you're right. Yeah, too bad we can't follow. You lead Gabe around the back of the shopping center to the emergency exit door. They always keep it unlocked in case of fire you explain you pull up in the door and the two of you slip into the dark In theater as you scan the seats you feel too large heavy hands on your back Your jerked backwards someone is grabbing you from behind Turnipate 77. Oh shit. I might be a 40-year-old. Oh my god caught you a voice exclaims You try to pull away, but he's holding you too tightly.

Jeremy Irons is going to murder me, you think. Finally, the mess spins around. Uh oh, it's not Jeremy Irons. It's the movie theater manager and he's 40. He's 40? What? Oh, I know. There's so much authority over us.

I know, I saw you sneaking in the exit, the 40-year-old whisperer's the angerly. Now I'm going to call your parents. And you had so much to follow everything your parents say because you're in your 30s. Please, please, I have a lot of AMC. Please, please, please. We were just...

I'm actually a-list, I just was too lazy to do. Sir, I promise you, I'm hodling, I'm hodling, sir. Gabe interrupts, look, there he is. Gabe is pointing to a man sitting in the middle row. In the dark theater, you can't tell if it's during the irons but you can see the four-legged customer beside him it's Bruce your cat whoa oh my god it's so cute Bruce is enjoying a movie he went to a movie to see his chair although I look here this is actually kind of unrealistic because he does sit in that chair a lot but he

like when we watch a movie he likes to watch us. Yeah, sure. Okay, so really he'd be watching Jeremy Irons in this case. Yeah, great. So Bruce is sitting up in the seat. Is he making biscuits in Germany Irons? He's making biscuits and drooling in Germany Irons. You twist out of the manager's grip and run up the aisle, stopping at your cat's row. Bruce, you call softly. Come here, boy.

Shhh. Everyone in the row turns to shut you. That is everyone but Bruce. He's staring, transfixed at the movie screen. Bruce, you cry, grabbing at his collar. Your cat looks you in the eyes coley as if you're a stranger. Bruce is good.

I'm not gonna need fairs to see him. Leaps at you. You scream. Quit screaming, you little angry movie goer. As Bruce bites into your throat. You think, where's the manager now when you really need him? Quiet, stop screaming in turn to page 105. Oh my god.

I just ran there. I surrender to whatever Bruce wants. This is like when he's scratching me because he's making biscuits and I can't tell. I can't make him stop. We're gonna get turned into a vampire and then we're gonna instantly put all of our money into true blood, the synthetic blood alternative.

Ooh! We're gonna be millionaires. Yes. The next few moments are a blur. You struggle to push your huge cat away. Suddenly someone goes like, cat off you. It's Jeremy Irons.

Jeremy Irons saving your life. Bruce runs Howling out of the movie theater. He is acting straight as a whole. This is just all the Howling. With all the Howling, that's straight. I'll admit that our cat. Yeah, well, it's not time to eat my head to zoom. Yeah, okay.

Does anyone think this is maybe just a PR stunt for Jeremy Irons? Just so like they can look good. Just like yeah, have a lot of the impact that he brings around. He's so so elegant. But sure, it probably doesn't need it. I don't know if he needs it. Timeless that eye.

Okay, your neck is throbbing and your cat, your vampire cat is gone. You run down the aisle, dribbling blood. You've got to catch him. Wait, Jeremy Irons calls. He and Gabe catch up to you in the outside of the theater. I'm sorry, Jeremy Irons tells you. I thought I could help. You see, I'm a cat psychologist.

Huh? Gabe says laughing. A cat shrink? Yes, Jeremy Irons goes on. I noticed that your cat thinks he's a vampire, so I brought him to this movie to show what a horrible life you're choosing for himself. But the movie was Dracula before we changed it to Louis. Right, right, right.

Unfortunately, he enjoyed the film. I'm afraid my plan backfired. You are a terrible dog psychologist. Yeah, you really are. Her cat psychologist. Turn to page 47. Howdy, Nat Pulse. Called well here to page 47. Howdy, netpoles. Called well here to talk to you about Raycon headphones.

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by going to rocketmoney.com slash Paw Paw. That is rocketmoney.com slash Paw Paw. One more time, why not rocket money dot com slash pop-up Well, I mean to a movie obviously he's spending all this time acting he hasn't been able to renew his degree Right, that's why so we're can't hold in for me exactly Yeah, right if your cat thinks it's a vampire should take it to a movie about vampires I like that was pretty standard for the 60s. Yeah, also he's an actor So he probably hasn't flated ideas about like the power of movies.

Yeah, oh yeah, that's true. It's true. The power of cinema. My entire house is furnished with things from this very screen. Cat therapy, what a dumb idea Gabe mutters. God, Gabe, you're such a dickhead. Gabe what?

Gabe's an absolute hater. Yeah, Gabe has been nothing but a web link. Yeah, what about those red puncture marks on your neck? You ask Jeremy Irons, oh this, I accidentally stabbed myself with my fork while eating spaghetti explains. Okay, walk me through that, Jeremy. Well, how did that happen? Step by step, please.

Well, you see, I- Just because I've eaten spaghetti before, and first up is three prongs on a fork, teaching your fork sauce to you. Well, I had special Hollywood fork from... I bought them from the prop department. Makes sense. On one of these famous films.

Okay, actually that checks out. Yeah, that checks out. So there's two ones in the middle with shorter. Miss your mouth when you're in the middle. Right, so I was whirling it around. Yeah. And I... Because obviously a two-pound fork is more difficult to eat it. Exactly, so I began slurping the spaghetti

which got off the fork, and then the noodle was so long that I had my fork down sort of pressed against the table. And then I went to sort of move back to get a better pivot on it, to get sort of my neck in, and I slipped and the chair went out from under me and I jammed my neck down into my two pronged for it. It's that simple

really. Oh excuse me, Mr. Irons, the movie is still going in. Please. Could you please sit down? This is the movie now. Don't worry, I've already seen it. I'm a Hollywood actor. We see every movie before it comes out. Okay. Yes, I got the screener.

Did you not get the screener? You, okay, so smooth move gave scoffs. God, what a dick. Yes, well, I've got to be going. Hope you catch up with your cat, Jeremy Irons mumbles, then he hurries away across the parking lot. Oh, because he's embarrassed by the spaghetti store. You aren't paying attention.

Strange feeling is coming over you, a transformation. It's as if Bruce's bite turns you into something inhuman. I know what happened by talking to Jeremy Irons. We decided that we don't wanna buy high cell low. We wanna become a Hollywood actor. That's right. Oh my God. We're becoming actors.

We got the B. We got the B. We got the B. We got the B. We got the B. We got the B. We got the B. We got the B. We got the B. We got the B. it by the bug. You got to be it by the acting bug. The heartbreak feels good in a plate like this. You look really pale, Gabe says sounding worried.

Yeah, you think. You have prepping my face for makeup. Yeah. Yeah, you think I need to put a little color in my cheeks. The color red, you feel the strongest urge to bite somebody. Don't bite anyone until you turn to page 86. Bite into a script. Yeah, guys, we're trying to sink our teeth into it.

Let's not turn Gabe. Let's kill Gabe. Yeah, you know what I're trying to sink our teeth into. Let's not turn Gabe. Let's kill Gabe Yeah, you know what I'm just food Gabe is absolutely food. Let's rip games Gabe we're gonna turn you into a beautiful Oscar worthy Performance. We're gonna turn and burn you like we did all the stuff You touch the bite marks on your neck. Does that hurt Gabe asks you shrug? Not much. I wonder where Bruce went Oh, well, he'll probably come home later tonight Not much. I wonder where Bruce went. Oh well, he'll probably come home later tonight before the sunrise.

This is the second time we're so close. Yeah, sometimes we're just, when the narrative needs it, we're concerned about Bruce and when the narrative doesn't need it, we're just not. This is, they're probably growing up in like outdoor cat country where people are just leaving their cats outside. Yeah, it's fine. Our cat can go around and bite people that we're okay with that. Gabe gives you a strange look. I'm going back to my house now. He says nervously.

If you didn't know better, you'd try Gabe was afraid of you. Why is he nervous? So I'll see you Saturday night. For Halloween, he asks, you grin letting your fang show. Then you reach for Gabe. Nope, you say, for you, Halloween is starting right now.

Whoa. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, see where we went wrong, because I think we weren't supposed to turn into a vampire. It would be so. What was the choice that got us turned into a vampire? Going into the movies. Going into the movies. Right, if we got into the pet store, we might have gleaned some information. Maybe the person that runs the shop is like, Oh, here's how to protect yourself. Yeah, yeah.

Or maybe they just give us one of those dog cones to protect our neck. That's great. Yeah. Jeremy, I was so weird though. What was going on with him? Well, he just like, he like was a vampire, but then said he was a dog psychologist.

Right, and then he just got to snuck out. Yeah. And he could have eaten us. Do you think he was acting when he told us that story about the spaghetti? Oh shit. Oh shit. We would have never known.

He soon researched for a part. Okay, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna choose the pet store. Okay, at worst case we can just just buy a couple mice to have. Yeah, okay. Yeah, we'll just toss some mice at Bruce. Yeah, so he might have. I wouldn't hate to have a bird.

Yeah, okay. Oh, yeah, we might as well get more pets. Let's get some animals to sacrifice. To a chinchilla, please. Let's do a chinchilla and a toucan. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah. Just a bird that lives a really long time

that it would be a real shame for a cat. The kind of bird that you need to put in your will. Yeah. Yeah. The kind of bird that you need to put in your will. Yeah. Yeah. The kind of word that comes with responsibility for your love life. Let's check out the pet store. You tell Gabe, you take off in that direction, but when you reach the door, the pet store owner is locking up.

Hey, you call knocking on the glass. It says on the door that you're open until 9 p.m. Not tonight, the owner mouths waving you away. Inside you can hear parrots screeching wild. I'm trying to bite her. Hey, I want an expensive bird. I want a bird that could learn to write its name. Oh, shit.

You see, there's dogs yipping and cat screaming. All the animals are going bonkers. Oh, no. The owner waves you away. They love Jeremy Irons and they saw him earlier. You see, she's a... Scar would be really scary to animals. Strange looking elderly woman with green eye glasses

and messy bleach tear. Doesn't she look like Jeremy Irons? You ask? Gabe Pierce at the woman he gasps. Yeah, he agrees, you're right. She looks just like Jeremy Irons. That's for disguise. So I'm guessing Jeremy Irons' family maybe?

Right. Is this another iron? Right. Jenny Irons. Jeremy Irons' family maybe? Right. As a mother. Is this another iron? Right. Jenny Irons. Jenny Irons. Wow. Okay. Oh, that's interesting.

They could be sibling. Don't be stupid. You tell Gabe. It's not, it's not Jeremy Irons. I meant, that must be his mother misses Irons. You don't know why they took, God, it's so hard when I change all the names. Oh. You don't know why they took Bruce, but the-

If you want to change back to Dingo, we can. No. I'm just really distracted by picture and someone say, is there a Mrs. Irons? Yes, I want to date your mom. Okay, so very weirdly, we just like are like, oh man, why did the Irons take our cat? And then we leave.

We just go home and respect the fact that she says they're closed. The next day, you and Gabe bike over to the bed store brightener. I just went to bed. We just went home. We went home and went to bed. I think, you know, we're like,

these people definitely stole my cat. But she sang that the bed store closes. And we respect red lights and we respect. You know what it was, Murph? It's probably the elderly irons is over 40, so we just had to respect her. Oh, yeah, that's really fair. That's fair.

She's probably 43. Yeah, Jerry Maren's mom is probably 43. Yeah, it's wise and an elder. The next day, you and Gabe bike over to the pet store right in early, the old woman is just opening up. You lock up your bikes and hurry through the front door. What the? Gabe's mouth drops open every single panel is gone.

Every cage is empty. The entire pet store is completely cleaned out during the 71. I turned to Gabe and I say this is just like when we work shut down. When we showed up it was just empty. Nothing but a phone on the ground. How am I going to make my trades now, Dave? I can't buy high and sell low from Starbugs Gabe. You're gonna short Funko Pop Gabe.

I need to cut my losses, man. What's going on, you asked Mrs. Irons? Where are all the pets? We had a small accident, she answers. I'll be getting some new animals by the end of the week. You can't say that as a pet store owner. Oh, you know, I'm calling for one again. Yeah, we got all four one one.

One one another prison hypothetically being the animal. Well, we wouldn't say action. We say oops. We had a oopsie in the past. Oopsie and all the animals. We don't say no. Even the fish are gone. You explain.

I know Mrs. Iron's nods and they're cold blooded. I didn't think then she stops herself. Sorry, she says come back next week. She pushes you out the door. What did she mean about the fish being cold-blooded gave asks when you're outside? You shut her. I think Bruce must have bitten all her animals,

the fish too, even though their blood is cold. Usually vampires prefer a warm meal. It's kind of fun underwater vampires, like the idea of like a Dracula just latching on to like a blue whale. It's kind of so sick. Wait, that's a great question because they have a baleen. They don't have teeth with like their baleen grow and then they would like try and like suck the grill.

Oh, like how would they then be kind of the vampire? Well, there's the whole spawnage system. So they'd have to go through that first, I think. Yeah, I mean, I guess you could do it in standing water, but I think vampires can't go through running water, right? Oh, that's true. But the ocean isn't running. They're a currents. Does that count?

Yeah, I think they do. But this is like an evolution of vampire. OK. These are vampires that actually can only go. Can only exist in running water. They can only see vampires. That makes sense. Oh, shit would probably happen is they'd bring in all the krill.

And then the krill get turned into krill vampires in their mouth And then they get like spat out through the blowhole and then the entire ocean before vampire krill Yeah, that's a situation. These are killer whales and kriller whales Okay, so we've decided to go back to the irons's house All the shutters are closed up tight dead leaves lion drifts around the lawn place looks like a vampire's fortress Yeah, probably. You open the door. Hello, you call into the dark living room.

The only answer is this creature of a parrot. The bird swoops down from a tall book shelf. It dive bombs. The parrot we wanted. That's straight for your face. We reach out the cage that we picked up in anticipation of this. I have a living will. When it opens its beak, you see fangs inside.

Oh no, it's a vampire parrot. You crouch down to protect yourself. At the same time, you wonder, can this vampire parrot talk? If you fight off the birds, or the page 37, if you try to talk to it, it turns to page 93. We try to talk to it. We try to talk to it. We try to talk to it.

I think I want to talk to it. You know what? Everybody take your copy of Ravenloft. Toss it out. This is the new Ravenloft, sorry everyone. This is the 5-E module. There's such a 90s line. Hey, Parrot, you shout, Polly wanna cracker.

Oh, that's good. Come on, it's so good. There was a Parrot movie named Polly, right? Yeah, I'm sure. It was a green parrot. I think I'd like get across the country. I remember, yeah, I saw that movie with my friends It's awesome. That sounds awesome

This sounds like a like a core memory for you. Was this the last time you were happy? No, this was this was the time that my friend Matt had his first kiss which is why I remember it Wow Movie about a bird. I went with him and girlfriend Movie they made out And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched-

And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched-

And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched-

And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- And I watched- Don't be like man Paulie's being crazy right now. Oh, yeah, we're sitting between them Hi guys, okay, you do behind me not in front of me Craigs pair it's gucks. I want your blood. Hold on you cry had you get to be a vampire Oh the parent lands on that this fundamentally doesn't understand how parents work That's a long story it says give me the short version you answer. I don't have all day This is a conversation with the pair with the pair. Yeah, it's not it's not it's not parodying things back to you. It's just speaking English to you interview with a

parod vampire better than you are. Yeah, you've this pair to smarter than gave for sure. I don't miss it. Yeah, let's get some stock tips from this pair. You got a lot of interest in getting into forma. What do you think about telehealth, folly? You've got a lot less time than you think the parrot snaps. Anyway, it was like this. Mrs. Iron Sun, Jeremy came into the store last night with this cat with bangs. The next thing you know, the cat was running around biting all of us. Every single animal in the shop. Can you believe it?

Yes, you say impatiently. Go on. You wish you hadn't asked because the story gets worse. Much worse. Okay, turn to page 125. It's so weird when they don't give you, when they just tell you to turn to a different part. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Pretty soon, the chatty parrot continues. We all felt ourselves changing, growing fangs, getting thirsty for blood. You know the whole nine yards. It's a pair of sparse sodium splars. The whole nine yards. They're smoking a cigar. Then what you ask impatiently, then Jeremy Irons brought us a very, so damn smart. The whole nine yards. We're smoking a cigar. Then what you ask impatiently,

then Jeremy Irons brought us all here to the paradats. He said this would be a safe place for us until he could figure out a better strategy. You have a big vocabulary, you comment. Thanks, the birds has modestly modestly. Modestly. Sorry, actually, Murf, the way that you delivered that line, it sounded a little self-satisfied.

Could you say it more modestly? Yeah, thanks. These parallels we should keep it and then get our children to take care of it when we die. Yeah I think so. Okay so the parakeets mad that our cat bit it and it swoops and tries to attack us. Okay we gotta go to page 13 we don't get a choice again we might just get our throat ripped out by a parakeet. The parakeets modus the parakeet. Before the just get our throat ripped out by a parrot. The parrot's modest. The parrot's in the room.

Before the parrot reaches you, a net scoops him up. Oh! Then that is attached to a pole, a pole held by Jeremy Irons. You're sick! Got him! Jeremy Irons declares triumphantly. Classic scar predator behavior. He pops the squawking bird into a cage.

What's going on, you demand? I'll show you, he offers. Come with me. You follow Jeremy Irons outside in his driveway is large van Inside is a Managerie of vampire pets. I've rounded up all the vampire animals he announces proudly Letting Bruce become a vampire was almost a disaster. He could have started an epidemic Vampirism could have spread across the entire world that would be bad But you got them all you ask every last one germi irons replies confidently

What are you gonna do with these animals you ask sell them to the circus? He explained why I'm going to make my fortune so this is a happy end You say you slap at a pesky mosquito that just bit your neck. A pesky vampire mosquito. The end. Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, knock on the door. We answered the phone. We answered the phone. We answered the phone. We let blue flashed and go run around rampant for 10 minutes. We answered the phone and talked to him mom, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so we wasn't even in importance. The weird thing is that Jeremy Irons was lying to us about being a pet psychologist, but

wasn't a vampire. Right. Was just wanted animals to sell to the circus. Yeah, one is a pet psychiatrist and one is lying about that. And then the other, he's actually rounding them up, selling them to the circus. Yeah, one is a pet psychiatrist and one, and lying about that. And then the other, he's actually rounding them up, selling them to the circus. Right, yeah. Not if I have that.

The circus comes up a lot in these goosebumps books. Yeah. Yeah. Again, very 90s, very 90s. Yeah. The Ringling Brothers was really trying to make the circus work again in the 90s. They were like, it was really circus resurgence movement.

I guess like Cirque du Soleil was coming out and they knew that they had heat, they had to like fight back again. Cirque du Soleil really coming out and they knew that they had heat. They had to like fight back again. Cirque du Soleil really did replace the circus. Yeah. But what's going to replace Cirque du Soleil? Now, this is our chance. We can invest to release. Pop-ups.

Pop-ups. Pop-ups. Oh yeah. All right, and with that, we have another business idea that we're going to buy into when it's way too late. Right. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. So wait. Micro Circuses. There we go. Pop-ups circus. Sell way. Micro circuses. There we go. Hop up circus. Hop up micro circus. Those are carnivores. Meaningless buzzword. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Micro circus. Yeah. A carnival way too big.

We need much smaller. We need something to fit in like a yogurt store. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. But like, I jump into pieces or no, at yogurt lands across the nature of a 200 square foot circus. It's that actually is kind of cool.

And here's the thing, we're not gonna sacrifice. Is it? I don't think we need to sacrifice the color of the message. Yeah, we don't wanna like lose anything just because the space is full. It should be as expensive as a regular. As expensive as many acts.

So I'm thinking like there's gonna be a lot of clowns in one corner, just like a lot of livestock just threw out, just one elephant. There's gonna be a literal elephant in the room. It's gonna be a lot of clowns in one corner, just like a lot of livestock just threw out. Just one elephant, there's gonna be a literal elephant in the room, it's gonna be great. Wow. Yeah, this one's back for everyone involved. But anyway, thank you all so much for listening. We'll go ahead and take another crack at this

over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash nad pod that's any DDPOD, don't say, wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee we won't answer the phone this time because we ended up not even going out to get the groceries for our mom anyway. Right. So we should have answered the phone. We'll go back. We won't answer the phone.

But I also want to see the version where we drink the poison. We drink it. Oh yeah. I think that's just instantly going to make us bite gay. And as much as I hate that. I think that's fun. I'd like to do that. I feel like we shouldn't talk to the parrot either.

As much as I love talking to the parrot. Oh, you're just fighting for it. But I think no matter what Jeremy Irons has to have to get there, we've lost. Yeah, exactly. That's the thing is, I think there's one world where Jeremy Irons has the cat and maybe we can get it back from him. Or no, there's not, because we went to the movies

and that was bad. We went to the pet store. That was bad. We need to follow the cat from the moment it leaves the house. Yeah, yeah. We need to hold on to that phone call. We need to hold on to that phone call. It leaves the house. Yeah, yeah. We can't take our eyes off it. That's where we went wrong.

I'm just hoping there's a version where we end up in the van going to the circus with Jeremy Irons, because I feel like that'd be a fun day. Yeah, sure, sure. Yeah. Go and go micro circus with Jeremy. Maybe we'll go to a micro,

maybe we'll go to a yogurt micro circus. So be on the look out for the next yogurt micro circus. We're gonna do the micro circus run over our restaurant. It's gonna be so many jugglers. You're gonna be really upset at how many jugglers are in this small room. There will be one person can go in at a time. Does anybody have anything they'd like to plug?

Oh yes, we've got live shows. Live shows coming up next week. Live wriggling shows. Very, very soon. Very, very soon. Very, very soon either way. Check out nadpod.com slash live. We're gonna be in Sacramento. We're going to be in Denver.

We are going to be in Portland. And we are going to be in Los Angeles. Los Angeles. Los Angeles. The place where we're going to be in the off. Yes. To me, a dungeon court lie. Yeah.

To get to reveal what for that nadpot.com slash live. It's in our backyard, but not really. It's not, I don't have a backyard. No, no. Oh, I have something I would love to plug real quick. I believe if you're listening to this next week on the 20th, Jagan are doing a live stream with some other very funny talented folks.

That's right. Over on moment.co slash D-A-N-D-D. It's gonna be like a spooky monster mash, livestream thing where everyone's gonna play monsters. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be like Halloween, live show experience. I think I'm actually playing a vampire in Plum. You are, yeah. Dracula, you're playing a Druid Dracula.

Yeah, Druid Dracula. Yeah, very fun. Very fun. So check that out. You can follow us on social media that we're gonna use. Etsy's merch me, I call these called well, at your girl's shake and at yaksford is Emily. And you can tweet about show using hashtag nad pod that's any ddp. Oh D we are we are You the nation we work we work

May pho homic keep you and bb. Yaga not take you this night there. It is, yeah. That's right. It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent counsel of elder starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. Hugh C. Later McScader, Matt M. Cutter W. Feared Al. Daniel G. Dylan B. Katie G. Dungeon Mama. Okay, maybe a little bit sexual. Daniel the Dastardly Dame. Beardman Dan. Danny P. Vincent W. Victor T. A. K., aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Traylee the Cray, Christopher B, Damial R, Jordan L, cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, the guy from a recent live show who gave Caldwell a Flintstone's graphic novel who is Milwaukee in here. Princess Yarr, Michael L, Jorias, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohemia, not currently starring in anything in solidarity with Sag, Aftra, thank you Nicholas C.

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Liloth, Josh H, Monkey Man, Dan S, and finally, the Ultra Barn. Thank you all so much for listening, thank you to all of our Patreon subscribers, and all of our Benevolent Council of Elders. You can listen to our after show over on our Patreon.

Patreon.com slash NADPOD that's any DDPOD. We'll catch you all next time. That was a hate gun podcast. Hey there, NADPOD's Jake here to let you know about some very exciting live shows we've got coming up on October 26th. We'll be in Los Angeles for a dungeon court live at the palace theater. There are tickets still available at naddpot.com slash live. The next two nights, October 27th and the 28th will be in Denver and Sacramento for some

actual play episodes. Our other dungeon court live is sold out in Portland. So get your tickets either in LA, Denver or Sacramento while they last can do that over at NADPOT.com. Slash live. Thanks so much. We will see you out there.