Not Another D&D Podcast - Baggin' it with Balnor: The Green Teen Quarantine (w/ Hardwon, Moonshine, and Beverly)

Episode Date: March 19, 2020

Welcome to Baggin' it with Balnor, the podcast hosted by Balnor and the morning zoo 2 crew. The Boobs go into quarantine, Hardwon directs a radio play, Beverly introduces the Book Nook, and Moonshine brings us questions from the timeout sack! Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other NADDPOD content!Music/Sound Effects Include:"Rowdy Crowd" by xtrgamr at Freesound.org. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I don't have a canonical last name, but I'm here with the morning zoo, two crew. I'm sure we'll be able to find your last name on our feet during this. You know, we've tried and it hasn't come up yet. We keep a point of the year out for it. Appreciate it, appreciate it. Hey, I made my name up, you can just do that.

That's true. Speaking of made up names, we got the morning zoo to crew here. We got hard one, sure food. What's up, party boy? Uh, uh a chilling man hanging oh fuck oh you dropped you dropped the ball we got party girl booty munch at saban hey y'all yeah I am party and I'm about three deep nice alright get it that was really cool and chill introduce me again quickly I'm gonna do so

sorry this is alive as we all know, but uh, we got. Now give him another chance. All right. One more chance. One more. We've got the party boy, hard one, sure foot. That's what's up. I'm just chilling.

I'm 3D at this point. Well, that's literally the exact same thing that you've done to the channel. Well, I get introduced before moonshine. Are you suggesting I splice you in beforehand? And I cut out moonshine's original joke so that you can look good. Look, I'm not going to get into your editing your post process. I'm just telling you what I think the fans would like to hear. Thanks. Right. Okay. That's what the fans would like to hear. The hard one heads. The hard heads out there.

Wow, the hard heads. Shout out to the hard heads. Unfortunately, we have spent so much time introducing hard one. We unfortunately don't have enough time to introduce Beverly this week. So if you could just make it super, super quick, because we're on a time frame, yeah.

Beverly Toe. That's all I need. All right, that's good. Wow, that was gold. Thank you. The kids are pro. The kids are pro. Hey guys, so we all are recording remotely today,

obviously after the pestilence pandemic, as you all know, the horsemen of pestilence did trick Bev into bringing a curse sword to glade home. Then Erdan banished the sword. It could happen to anyone. I would happen. It could happen to anyone.

And it turns out Erdan actually banished it to a crowded Ruby Tuesdays. Oh, yeah. So this is actually kind of on Erdan. I know that these times are not about casting. Not to, not to, you know, point the finger at Erden and in Erden's defense, the Ruby Tuesdays was in a demi plane, like a prison demi plane that the Ruby Tuesdays got on the cheap. Was it, was it a prison Ruby Tuesdays?

No, it was just a regular Ruby Tuesdays in a prison gem. Yeah, a prison Ruby. It's yes, yeah, yeah. One of the most popular Ruby Tuesdays, it's kind of a destination Tuesdays in a prison gym. Yeah, a prison Ruby. It's yes, yeah, yeah. One of the most popular Ruby Tuesdays, it's kind of a destination Tuesdays. People like to go there, because you can look out into like the kind of Ruby abyss, because it is actually in a, it's in a prison gym.

It's a Ruby Tuesdays inside of a Ruby. Yeah, it's a Ruby, Ruby Tuesdays. I went there last Tuesday. Yeah, oh, wait, what? It was a Ruby, Ruby Tuesdays that I went to, I went there last Tuesday. Oh, wait, what? It was a Ruby Ruby Tuesdays that I went to, I went there last, last Tuesday and I got the Ruby Tuesdays. So it was Ruby Ruby Tuesdays Tuesdays.

Hard one, you are sort of patient zero here who brought it to Clayton home. Mm-hmm. It's what it kind of sounds like. Okay, again, I really do not feel comfortable placing blame, but I do feel as though hard one has made a mistake. Okay, let's not let's not play blame on anybody, especially not the guy that had a Rubin at Ruby Tuesdays. Took a lot of hands on his way out.

Rubin at Ruby Tuesdays Tuesdays Rubins. But yeah, anybody got any way guys. We want to stop the spread of pestilence. So everybody, everybody stay safe out there. Absolutely. You know what, let's get into our show. This is gonna be a shout out to the news crew. Gang, despite the government ordinance to stop the spread of pestilence and the worldwide apocalypse,

the 23rd annual green teen jamboreen is apparently still on. I always have a lot of baby stories of green teens at the jamboreen is apparently still on. I always have a lot of games to stories and green teens at the jamboreen. Scout master Danny Pebble-Hot tells the news wire that the green teens will be participating in activities like crocheting in their unvestulated arts and crafts room. There's gonna be growth team. Unvestilated. I was not specified. I don't know. It sounds extra dangerous. There's gonna be group wrestling, not just individual

wrestling, but just, that's a lot of contact. Wrestling each other at the same time, also in the unventilated arts and crafts. And then there's gonna be something called a team pie eating contest, which I guess is when a whole team works together to eat a pie. I had to be honest, is that every single pie usually? It's not a pie. It's usually a pie, so you cut a pie and serve it. I can see your confusion, but this is,

you're not allowed to use your hands. You just have to get in there with your mouth. That your hands are tied behind your back using the potholders and the various things we've made in the unventilated tent. You need to be on bend. This is essentially a bunch of greed teens making out in a prison essentially.

Y'all great teens just need to get a timeout sack and just work it out the regular way. Because I feel like y'all are not about sack when you got a communal pie. Yeah, all these sort of like Polar blessed ways to touch each other, but you also just be able to do it. It is true. A lot of the green teen activities do revolve around finding just ways to touch without your scout masters catching on.

Yeah, I'm reading a little further down here. There's obviously scout master, Danny's under a lot of political pressure here to cancel, but he insists that the pebble pots don't really get sick. They're just kind of good carriers, what he says. That tracks, that really tracks. Absolutely, yeah, he's very good at taking something from one place to another and getting it in a lot

of trouble. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. He's losing something into the wild. It feels pretty socially irresponsible. Should we call him? Yeah.

Actually, you know what's funny? He's actually, do you have him on mama speaking stone because he was calling me about donations to the green teens for a while. But yeah, those don't go directly to the green teens, actually. The Pebble Pots take a little bit off the top. I heard, yeah. Okay, shoot. I gave a lot of brown leaves to the green teens.

You know what, Moonshan, why don't you go ahead and get a Danny on the horn? We'll see what's going on currently. I have him as Possible spam do not answer, but I will I'll call him okay cool. Get him on hey gang Hey, Danny. Oh, hey sorry. Let me put this down. We're actually in the middle of the group. I eat in contest Stay back guys the group pining contest. Oh, stay back guys. Oh, okay. Danny, Danny, uh, this is the two crew here and we want, we really want you to just call off the jam barine. Oh, that's the

thing though, is that everybody already bought tickets. And if I were to cancel, I'd have to give everybody their money back. Oh, Jesus, you're, you're, this is the, it's the green team quarantine now. Okay. Don't let anyone out. Team I just hate to say it, but I really think that we need to cancel this jamboreen as well, Danny. Yeah, I'm like, I'm wondering if there is some sort of infrastructure within Bohumia in which we can just cancel Danny.

Yeah. I mean, this is the second is the second group event in a row where you've I want to say actively tried to murder teenagers. What? You know what? It's not about actively trying to murder them. It's just kind of turning a fly die to danger. Yeah, but it's so passive that it turns active. You almost have to you have to intentionally do nothing.

You know, I wouldn't be able to work with green teams, had all of the green teams, you know, the leadership not have gotten shipped off to the Feywild, you know, back a few months ago, but I've sort of kind of reestablished the green teams myself. So I'm headscalmaster in a way. And wow. Can I mute him real quick and just say or mute ourselves and say, see, y'all,

this is these are the kind of mistakes that we are making. We are not realizing. We're installing puppet scout masters. Munchie. Everybody get in on those pies. Get nice and close. You got to give all the crumbs. Munchie, do you think you could maybe send an animal messenger or like some of pop-paws friends to go eat up all those pies? I think possums are immune I'm actually gonna summon a flock of vultures to go steal the past from the green teens. Oh, that's weird Oh, there's a bunch of birds that are just climbing in under the door because there's no windows in here. Ah, ah, ah, they're everywhere.

Oh, they're ready to pi, so I'll do pick it my face. Be kind to the birds. Be kind to the birds, they're my brothers. They're like huddles together, everyone huddles together. Nobody healed Danny. Everybody do not touch hands, Danny. Let's go ahead and we're going to go ahead and hang up on Danny. I think we just need to tactical bomb moonstone

at this point. Well, Balber, you barely said a word to Denny. I don't know why you were so quiet. Yeah, you know, I personally, I don't have as much of a history with him. I kind of see you guys as like the field reporters. Oh, ain't that something we got a promotion. Yeah, you know what?

Speaking of field reporters, you know, we're talking about Pebblepots and whatnot. Why don't we move on to Jim Gems with Pender Greens. Pender Greens has some tips on how to stay fit while you're all practicing social distancing. Because Pender Greens is the original social distancing. No, we're talking about the original social distancing. Not necessarily voluntary, gender greens is the original so yeah distance or not necessarily

voluntary just sort of a personality So anyway being on quarantine I Of course stopped by the you know right before I just went down when I started to like I found out everything was going bad I stopped by the game stopped to kind of stuck up on games And you know as you know, I have already beaten most of the games that I have on ps4 So I tried to get my ps4 and my vast library of games to get a cool nine dollars Oh, yeah, so With that nine dollars, I then paid an imp to bring in a broken bow flex off the sidewalk that my

neighbor had thrown away. I hope you wind up that thing down huh? Yeah, you know, this was on Monday, so I think I'm okay. Anyway, so I pretty much been freaking out on that thing for Few days Burnin' calories getting sweaty Picture a sight for soras the idea of Bender greens freaking out on a boat You know here's the thing if you are you know gonna own Boflex, you kind of have to go out with, you know, he's not recommended,

you don't wanna have contact with other people. Much more responsible to steal someone else's trash and make it into an exercise vehicle. Right, right, right, so here's what I'm gonna say, here's what I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, you're gonna go, you're gonna pick up a phone book, right? You're gonna go through, you're gonna go name by name, asking if the person owns a Bowflex.

Now, look at, sorry, this is a segment on how to get a Bowflex or how to use the Bowflex. I thought this was, this is a workout. I thought we were learning workouts. I believe it's a self-quarantine advice guide, but it does appear to be very both ways. Both breaches and all of one whole workout system.

So I know what a both flex is. And I reserve the application. Is there a reason you're being a knob right now? You got those muscles from a both flex? You got that from resistance training? I'm a little upset that Bal Lord didn't call me for a workout segment as all. This is what he wanted to do man. What do you want?

I didn't know it was an option. You could have called me a baldler. I'm sorry, do you know better way to get a ball flex? Then looking in the phone, you're going to one name at a time, sure. Well, I was going to get to a tabern and ask around if anyone has a book. I asked around doing a quarantine.

Is that what we're saying? It's our friend's number and so on. Okay, well, no, I didn't think so. So let me think. All right, y'all, the tension needs to chill. Okay, I'm just pouring out testosterone right now. I am sweaty, I am injured and I'm excited. Look, we're all a little testy, we all need a hug, but we're not allowed to do it.

We're not. Anyway, here's the snag. 99.9% of the people that you talk to in the phone book are not going to own a Bowflex. Okay. Of that point, 99.9% of those people did not throw out a bow flex today. Can I ask you, have you considered, I mean, you're in hell, it's littered with real like dope metal aesthetic.

Have you considered making a bone flex, essentially, a bow flex out of bones? That was interesting. That's true, that's true. That's not actually a smooth shine. I was actually really gonna say that. Yeah, really mad he didn't do that. That fucking owns.

Well, I wanna let everybody know that you can build your own boflex, okay? So if we're letting everyone know it sounds like Moonshine just let you know for the first time. You're not listening to the segment. It's, uh, it's, it's gonna- This seems like a no brainer. There's no bones everywhere on the couch. I don't know why everybody's being a knob here. I'm sorry It's everyone else cuz kind of the nicest guy here's the king of hell

Where are you guys from? Do you guys all the both flex? You're all your own both flex. Are you looking for another one? Minced words, uh, Pinda greens. I want to know how how's your both flex workout? What's your routine? What do you do? Yeah, so I basically just like tie a rope to like my ankles and then my wrists and then my elbows. I'm gonna just freak out. I just do like I do arm hangs. I do ankle raises. I do hip loops. I do neck hips. Can I just real quick? Hip loops, yeah. Can I just real quick, as best as I'm then you said,

tie a rope. Is your bow flex made of like 20 reps? It's broken, it's, the thing is, as somebody throws out a bow flex, it's gonna be heavily broken. Nobody's those same costs. That's a broke flex. That's a broke flex.

Do you think that a bow flex is when you just tie a rope to your body so it looks like you yourself are a bow? No, sure. Hey, whoa, the thing is that, okay, so a bow flex, you really gotta break it down, right? You got the bow and you got the flex. And the flex is you, right? So a bow flex is a bunch of bows tied together on a chair.

So even if somebody has not thrown out a bowl flex in your neighborhood, you can build your own bowl flex out of chairs and six to 13 bows. You don't even need any arrows. What I'm getting here is that if you don't have a bowl flex, you should pay an imp $9 to go get you a bunch of rope. Well first you got to trade in your PS4 and all you're James. Okay see this feels like a really personal workout plan because this is still a workout plan. I'm

I'm going to get it again. We got the ankle raises. We got headloops. We got hip loops. We got neck jumps. We got handloops, we got neck jumps, we got hand warmers, we're doing all of that. Do you do any dealt jiggles? Oh, I'm going to get to a dealt jiggle or two. I invented the dealt jiggle. Did you, hard one? Is that what you do every morning, hard one?

You've seen me. I only have to transfer between four and nine hours. So sometimes when I have a light trance, I'll wake up and deal with you. Rest of the time you're just jiggling, huh? Yeah, you shake the entire airship sometimes with those jiggles. You get really agitated.

Tell you what, Pentegrines, you're such a better guy than Scoutmaster Denny. That's all. You'reny. That's all. You're here. That's a last to say. I'm just a guy trying to make it work with the both legs. And... That was beautiful.

Honestly, that was poetry. I'm gonna go time myself to that thing and freak out. So freak out. So much glass cannering. I kind of wish we didn't hear the last part. Do you guys think he's out? Do we need to send somebody down there? I mean, honestly, he sounds like he's in better shape

than the last time we talked to him all back. He sounded like he had a little bit of a zest for life. His both legs kind of, you know. Anything to resist the lore of the tainted hellfire crown. And if it takes both legs to do that, then it takes both legs to do that. Yeah.

Moonshine, I do think you should send a couple of vultures to check on him though. Okay, I summon more vultures. In sight, well, we send the vultures a lot. Vultures, maybe, maybe you can send some of that pie that they were eating at the jambfarin down to Pindermint. It's a problem. That's intimidating.

We don't want to get pissed. We don't want to get pissed. Oh, you're right. You're right, my bad. I figured it'd be immune, but I don't know. Another thing about it. I was eating a bunch of pie at Ruby Tuesdays. Okay.

Sorry, I'm the one. Ruby Ruby Tuesdays, of course. Ruby Ruby Tuesday Tuesdays Tuesdays Tuesdays Tuesdays TWO You know what speaking of tips Moonshine why don't we head over to your corner here? Oh, yeah, you got some cooking tips for us Do you not cook? I'm well, I do have some cooking tips. I also have some dispatches from the timeout sack

You know during these times in which we are all self-quarantining a lot of a lot of I have some cooking tips, I also have some dispatches from the time out sack. Oh, right. You know, during these times in which we are all self-quarantining, a lot of folks are ashamed to sort of ask, I have a little relationship problem. Who do I ask? It feels selfish to ask about it. So time out sack has been overflowing with questions. All right, yeah.

Y'all don't mind fielding some questions. Very first one. Hello to crew. I'all don't mind fielding some questions. Very first one. Hello to crew. I can't tell if my girlfriend is social distancing or breaking up with me. How can I tell the difference sincerely, Bayless in Bahumia? Wow. I have a decent amount of experience with relationships. Yeah. So I think I'll let Beverly go first And then I'll clean up I'll clean up the mess. Yeah when he's what he's done As you guys know, I've been with many many women 34 Were you on a date at the Ruby Tuesdays? I was on the prowl I I went stag. You don't have to...

Oh, stag to the Tuesdays. You went stag to a Ruby Ruby Tuesdays. Wow. Did you use that pick up line you were asked telling me about? Where you said like how about we make this Ruby one stays a Ruby Tuesdays? Yeah, I was going to, but then I did, I was getting, I was trying to get drunk enough

to get the courage to say it to someone, and I ended up passing out in a pie, and I woke up and actually I went home. This isn't a pickup line, but when you go on the prowl at Ruby Tuesdays, you should call it Ruby Cruise Days. Absolutely, I think we should just go out and read it now. I went to Ruby Cruise Days. Absolutely, I think we should just go on to Ruby Cruise Days.

Hahaha. Um, next up I got, um, Hey, Balnor, Moonshine, Pau Pau, Beverly, and the fourth guy. Um, I've been dutifully self-quarantining, but I just started chatting with a new person on my speaking stone. Things are getting serious, but we've never met. How do I know if this is a real deal or we are just grasping for companionship? You know, I think this is kind of a social experiment, akin to Bohumi's favorite reality show, Love is Blind.

Oh, love has the blinded effect, yes. Love has the blinded effect, right? How can I get that wrong? And I think if anything, this is sort of a beautiful time to follow in love, is it not? That is so beautiful. That is so beautiful.

Are we not always starving for partnership? That's true. And this is the only time we get to be honest about that. That's right. Yeah. I think that you'll know, you'll know if it's real. You don't need a sky spell to know if love is in your heart Yeah, this is just a little something from the green teen handbook. There's a weird section about romance in there

I don't understand why but It's in there you gotta you gotta teach him early hard one We know you've kind of have the most experience out of anyone here sort of in all of your Relationships, you know, yeah, uh know, from sort of just like the quick hook-up type, you know, sometimes Sort of long-term ones. What would you say? Sometimes it's a fling, sometimes it's a thing. That's what they say. Oh, really? Yeah.

I've read that on a pillow too. Actually, hard one, you might really have a lot of experience with this one. Hey boobs, my wife is a high-elf and I'm a Crick-elf and ever since quarantine, we've been on really different pages. For example, she wants to get down and dirty all the time and I'm usually a dirty fella, but all this germ talk has dumped a bucket of ice down my pants if you catch my meaning. How do I turn down Sparilla without making her feel bad?

Thanks y'all anonymously yours, cooter. Oh, well I honestly, I don't think I've ever, I've never had experience with being turned down, but I think there's been times. Hard one. I'm so sorry. I don't want to like call you out here, put you on blast here or anything. But we we have seen you sort of approach people sort of in a way. You are trying to initiate sort of a romantic encounter and they kind of shoot it down just a number of triceps. Yeah, well, I think that's, that's because, yeah, no, no. I mean, you can't fall for Shay.

I mean, Shay has standards that no one could achieve. Right. It really could be anything. You know, they're tired, they're not in the mood. They have something else going on. But that's not on me, is all I'm saying. So I've never been, I haven't been turned down. Yes, I've tried to hit on someone who was feeling

who had like a stomach thing and had to leave quickly to go out with this other guy. But that's not that. That's not that. They only say yes to the other guy because that guy had Tom's and you didn't have Tom's on you. Yeah, that guy was probably taking them to the doctor. That's really.

So strange for such a player to be so unlucky and love. I have a potential suggestion. And it's something that I learned from hard one and the trisses, maybe they just need to edge for the entirety of the quarantine. Yeah. And it takes one thing that the boobs are good at doing. It's edging.

I will recommend that to Kooter. It's a little bit more of a cat and mouse thing, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The give of the take. You know, Kooter's a little worried right now about the, or sorry, the anonymous, the anonymous criminal who's married to a high elf, who is not Kooter.

It's probably a little worried about the living embodiment of pestilence going around and giving everybody a disease where their limbs fall off and what. Who's not? Totally, totally understandable. And what? But Sparilla or whoever this partner is is clearly responding to the situation

by having a revved up sexual engine, considering they are feeling a lot of fear and probably trying to escape into their loins. Right, and I think, you know, if you kick it back a little bit, you make it about quantity over quality and just really get a lot of edging in, you know. Quantity over quality.

Is that what I said? I met the opposite of that. And there is one thing that we can do. Get the numbers up. It's all that matters. It's all that matters. And he overfought it. And then the opposite of that.

Numbers, emphasis on the numb. That's how much you want to be doing it. That's right, because you don't want to feel anything. Yep, there's no flaws when you're all raw. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, would you like more? Yeah, okay. It's really got. Yeah, yeah, we got one last one from the time out sack. Hi, I'm a nanorfly who's been self isolating and breeding jar

I was wondering if it's safe for me to go to another nanorfly's breeding jar or how long I should wait before going to another nanorfly's breeding jar Thanks all I love the show. I'm always blasting it from my Beats pill. Signed a Nannerfly in parentheses, we don't have names. Right. My beer is that, Nannerflies don't they eat each other after mating, right? Yeah. I do, yeah. It's very brutal.

Yeah, in that case, the safest thing really is to stay in the jar. And not because of any kind of pestilence, just to avoid mating with another nanofly and get it will be quickly devoured yeah yeah yeah I mean it is kind of fun sometimes we throw down bets on who's going to eat who first because not like other insects will be like the the female eats the male after breeding nanofly this is a competition to see who eat to wow free for all yeah I think this is actually revealing some failings within society and government in general, which is the fact that there's just not enough jars for all the nanoflives out there.

You know what? That is a really good call. That is a really good call. And we need more breeding jars for nanoflives. We need more breeding jars for nanoflives. We should have been making jars months ago. We gotta tell Mama this, Mama really should have been making jars.

Mama and Bubbles really dropped ball in this one. We should have been making breeding jars. You know what, let's pepper in another shout out to the news crew. We're gonna cut back there. We got another news story here. An anonymous artist is amongst those lost in the destruction of Iron Deep. In the ruins of the Dwarf and Edge amongst all of the small bunks, there was a lone human

sized bed above which was a little cubby filled with thousands of drawings of new dwarf women. There were so many that archaeologists have theorized that the artist must have been at it for hundreds of years right up to the moment of their death. The archaeologists theorized that the artist would need to be around 300 years old to work up to that volume and to have lived through several cataclysmic events citing a trembling hand on the artist's part. Now, we've actually got a couple copies of this art in the studio.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Those should be preserved under lock and key. And that's great. I like how they're very anime, which I was not expecting. Yeah, I really, really, really big. The proportions are very unrealistic, but a very fun way.

And also, I do enjoy the attention to beard detail because sometimes it seems as though the genitals are kind of phoned in and the focus is on the beard. Yeah, yeah. It's almost like hatching on there. Yeah, so somebody who has imagined what somebody would look like naked but hasn't actually seen it.

It's probably not that proud of. Yeah. It's like not that pal, nor. It's like, they've seen so many beards so they can draw those, but the genitals still, one of them literally, the genitals are just question marks. Wow. That was obviously an abstract piece. I'm a little bit of an art history major.

I've never seen these before in my life. Yeah. Clearly done by a talented hand. Yeah, well hard one, funny you should say that. The archaeologists are actually saying that they're gonna be able to do sort of a scribe spells slash sort of like a locate object, locate creature spell, and they're gonna be able

to track down this artist, kind of find their way. Society is crumbling. We're living we're living in a dystopian future. This feels like it should be an absolutely a low priority. No, actually I heard that a lot of wizards. Apparently the artist, this unknown artist did sign all of these, but then scratch them out in some sort of moment of shame or embarrassment, which is maybe they didn't know had a right properly, look like they were proud to solve.

So the wizards are talking about doing sort of like a reverse allucery script to try to reveal the intended name. It's very important in these dark times to have arts as a source of light and inspiration, which is why I'm pleased to announce that these are all gonna be hanging in Blade Home. Actually, I'm gonna gather them up. I'll be taking them myself to the Wizards because as you said, art is important. So if we can just hand them all over. Even as you pick them up, your hands are trembling just like, huh?

I'm a very steady hand. Funny coincidence, sure foot and a steady hand. Oh, this one has a weird, it looks like some sort of small, fleshy boy being held in the arms of this beautiful dwarven woman. It's kind of hard to make out who it could be, but it's not a dwarf, it's clearly a human of some sort. Yeah, how's today's? How an agronistic. And this one's just a centaur It's clearly a human of some sort. Yeah, how's the thing? Look at this.

How an agronistic. And this one's just a centaur, which is actually pretty cool. Yeah, this one's rad. I think they all suck personally, but let's either give them to the wizards or throw them away. Well, you know, hard one, since you are such an art buff, have I am a buff artist you have a buff art guy. No likes art. That doesn't do art But appreciates fine art. You literally just told us you were an art history I'm into art. I don't know how to do it and I wouldn't paint anything Did you had had you prepped something for this? I'd heard that you had oh yes

again. Yeah, you were going on and on. You're so excited about something that you were. Oh yeah. So I dictated a short teleplay radio drama as it were to pop off. Rare. Oh, that's where you been. Yeah. Maybe there's a so I've signed everyone apart. Papa just handed me the script. Am I beverly? You'll be moonshine. There's also the part of a narrator. I don't know if you want to speak with animals Papa

or Boundary. Oh, okay, yeah. I can't speak with animals, but Papa. That's great. That's great. I also polymore from into a vulture. All right. All right. All right.

Hell yeah, Polly. Polly, so that's how to distinguish. Well, I am a vulture. The play is called the monster in the cave and the hero, the hero who fucking killed it. A radio drama by hard one, Surefoot. Wow. Sure. All righty.

Awaken, Polly. Why don't you go ahead and take it away. A tall, thick half-elf, thicker than any man or dwarf you've ever seen stalks through the forest. He's joined by a thin, but capable flower boy, and a fierce, large, busommed, elven woman. Also, there's another guy there. We are looking for a fearsome beast that terrorizes a nearby village. Yes, we must defeat this monster! He's so much a monster, Matt!

Indeed! Beverly don't overact. Sorry. Beverly, stop trying to steal this from me. Okay, I'm sorry. The wimpy guy pipes up. I'm afraid I must be held like a baby post-haste to come on hard one.

Now you come on, come on, Belmore. We have to enter the beast's lair and fight it like heroes. I myself am game. Ooh, Bab's improvising. That was not such, Bev. Easy does it, Bev. Go right in the moment. I'm certainly not, I'm very scared.

I'm going in. If you do, I'll cry. Fine, I'll have to go with a loan. Huh, didn't really see how that followed, okay? Oh, a rock on, you jacked stallion. Ah, thanks, Mojang. Pretty, that's one brave guy, muscular as well, and a hairline that will not wit. I think I pissed myself.

Inside the cave, hard one battles the beast. Yeah, bam! Zah! Begone! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo He's victorious. I have killed the thing. Hussain! Hussain! Good sir! Hussain! Good sir! Even its dead severed head gives me the willies. I indeed pooped myself yet again. A beautiful tree woman emerges. Oh, moonshine, will you play the part of Triss?

Yeah, I will. I actually know a thing or two about Triss'es so I can get into this character really quickly. So I got this moonshine. I saw the whole thing. You are my hero hard one Me I just did what any super shredded guy would do Kiss me French style right now Kiss her you fool here goes nothing Hard one and Triss make out, then they get married the end.

Wow. But thank you. Really, really good. Bravo. Bravo. Can we have a quick talk back with the author, Hardwell? Yeah, I'm around for a Q and A, for sure. Yeah, I'm curious about, I thought it was a really interesting choice to have the main

character say, here goes enough and before kissing a woman. I guess I'm curious what you're hoping to convey with that because, you know, me that reads that's like, oh, I've never kissed someone before. And I think I, I hear that thought and I, and I would say that I wrote it that way to let in folks who haven't kissed a woman before to say that it's like, because you're not gonna know what everyone's priorities are different. Not everyone's trying to go out and kiss all the time,

you know, that's great. Yeah, no, I know that like if you're gonna kiss a woman, you wouldn't say here goes nothing. You would say income and babe or something wrong. He could just probably just wouldn't say anything. Well, you'd have to say something. Yeah, I'd say something pal. Yeah, I'll always say every relationship I've ever had every

single kiss is preceded by incoming. It's sort of like it's almost a nice way to get consent. Yeah, it's like a work. You're like, um, something like like that. Rocky like a hurricane. I gotta be honest, I found this story to be a little self-serving. You bound or that's true. I agree with that. You got all the good laughs. It's true. Yeah. You got a real relief. That's so fun. I would love to see you have take on that role. I couldn't really kill that role.

I think you had a really interesting arc that I felt like was true to life because when it started you were afraid and by the end you would shit yourself twice. So that's kind of like an interesting narrative. Which like what is shitting oneself if not the catharsis of fear? I feel, moonshine gets it.

This is really, you're a film critic. You're starting to win me over Hardware I really did like how you did the narrative mirroring of Balnor shitting himself and then shitting himself again later on true It does bring up the idea of symmetry Which it was a motif that I noticed because like for example a lot of words were repeated was a motif that I noticed because like for example a lot of words were repeated. Yes, that was intentional and I thank you for noticing. Yeah, at one point you say I killed the thing and just if I were to give you any notes or anything,

I'd say it. And I'd like to, this was a polished final so I'm not really accepting. It's just a beautiful garden of words in vocabulary. I didn't joy calling it Calling it the thing. It was sort of for me as a listener and also as an actor, you know, by the way you crushed it I applaud your I was following Bev's lead constraints subdued A beautiful beautiful beautiful rendition. I thought it was a beautiful move to call the monster, the thing, as if to say, you are not so powerful after all.

I've found it to be subversive. And what is art without subversion? You know what's the point of it otherwise if you're not subvertin' something. And I like how you were vague there, but then very specific about how you wanted to be kissed, which was French style Well, yeah, sometimes you have to spell things out. It's a radio drama

It's so you know a kiss might not sound as hot as it is There weren't any dry ads in it at first. It wasn't even kind of clear where this was it was It was a little duis X Machina, but I think that was an intention sometimes yeah, one more time. Yeah, one more time. Exactly. Machina. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Do it. Do it. It was intentional because sometimes the you really just need a happy ending to come out at nowhere and it was good. Absolutely. It's a little bit of versus. Yeah, I love it. I think we all need art. Look at our tricks.

We all need art in these hard times. Truly, amen to that. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age-old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now, we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult!

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To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-a or enter promo code pop-a at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-a or promo code pop-a for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants and enjoy the show. You know what guys, why don't we go ahead and do a little ad break here. We want to once again apologize for our ad sponsors last show. We have cut off our relationship with a Veal Meals Thrice Killed. We do not support.

Our NON has not though. I don't believe. Guys, we do not support the Ville industry, nor do we support the idea of revivifying cows just to kill them again two more times to quote, get the meat tasting scared. That's not that's not that's game Yeah. That's that's that's that's not that's gaming. Yeah. That's a nice game medicine spell components. Honestly. Yeah. With all with all that being said, hard one did sell a big campaign this week. And we were really hurting for advertisers. So we appreciate you working hard through these tough times. But this is a full episode takeover, fully spun. Yeah. Okay, gang. Bagging it with Boundore is brought to you by Confused Colors. Do you have a dog?

Are you sick of feeding it and taking care of it? Confused Colors is here to help. Simply outfit your dog with one of our colors and let it outside like you would do any day. Once your dog is 15 feet away from the front door, the confused color amidst strange smells and sounds that confuse the dog, quickly causing it to become scared and disoriented. Your dog will sprint off in a random direction, thereby activating a second cascade of strange smells

and sounds all but guaranteeing that your dog will forget where it lives and move out into the woods Can you use collars naughty dog not your problem Copy they said initially. I believe we have a promo code balmore a unique URL or something You've got to read the yeah, it's um G it's a get lost dog. It's a G E T L L O S T D O G. Uh, and our promo code is back bound lower. Yeah. Oh, no, it's your name. It's bad. And Val more Vallor. It check out for 10% of dog call it. Oh boy, don't use that one. I'm just a fan of the tech.

I know that we're not supposed to badmouth our sponsors, but this just seems like an unnecessarily complicated and cruel solution to a problem that no one should have. Yeah, why? It's a little over engineered, but I think that's what makes it interesting. The double cascading effect of confusing the dog. I find it fascinating.

I feel like people should be releasing their pets. You know, I think that my hope from the confused callers is that a sort of a feral society of confused dogs will lead an uprising in the woods and overtake the cities. Well, that's where the third cascading effect comes in. Oh, no. Confuse them. The third and final time. Right.

And their coup will fail. Oh, I see, I see as long as they've got the confused collar on. There is no limit to how often they can be confused. We can confound them and it's better than impounding them. Confound not impound. That's another one of their sayings. I didn't want to say it out loud. Hard one I am noticing they sent us a little brochure with more information about the collars and there's just a picture of you and it says CEO next to it. Oh yeah, so I invested in the tech and I actually really stand by it.

I'm just gonna strap on one of these things. Right now it's super fascinating. And not. Wow. Why does it fit your neck? I thought your neck was thicker than that. Where am I? Where am I?

Okay, pop up. Pop up. I'll go outside now. Okay. Okay. We sent some vultures over there. We sent some vultures over there. I'm gonna summon one giant vulture specifically a fey wild vulture to call. Oh, that magnificent bird stole my collar.

Oh, no, we got a confused by a wild vulture I think that one was one of the ones at the pie eating contest. Oh Oh gosh, oh, it's it's headed straight for Esri. This is no good. Oh My goodness, you know what what what are we? Take a walk on the later side of things? Okay. Bev, you've got a little book review this week, I believe. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Is it time for Beverly's book nook?

Yeah. Yeah. I think so. All right. Well, everyone, come on down, pull up a bean bag or a stool, gather around. Of course, you all, you all read the book this week, right? We all agreed on the book and then we all read it. Uh, Thank you.

Remind me what the book was again. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Well, of course, we talked about this on the book and then we all read it. Remind me what the book was again. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, well of course we talked about this on the group bed. The book is of course, Xavier Trail and the paradox puzzle. Book One in the Riddle Master Saga by Vincent Chapkiss. I read it. Yeah, I read it. Yeah, now you said Chapkiss.

I read it and I loved it. That rings about, yeah. I realized I was wondering if it was book two, but no book one I read it. I loved it. I read it. I read it. I loved it. I read it. I read it. I loved it. I read it. I loved it. I read it. I was wondering if it was book two, but no book one, I read. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's of course, it's book five in the Xavier Trell adventure saga, but it's book one in the Riddle Master saga. And I thought that was a good place to start, because that's really where Mr. Chappkiss, I think, like, really, really gets firing on all cylinders. So I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that So I love that big place. Good place for us to go from. Yeah, well, I'm gonna write it, but I could do a quick synopsis. That's exactly what I was just saying. Yeah, jackies, jackies, synopsis, please. Yeah. Okay, all right, here we go.

So after accepting an invite to the secretive and prestigious Puzzleton Academy for Inquisitive Boys, I'm only teen genius, Xavier Trail, and Barks on a Quest to become the world's youngest riddle master. However, upon arriving at Puzzleton, Xavier learns that he's not the only one with this goal. His new roommate, the eccentric platinum-haired Dalton Frost, my favorite character, shares his dream and the two soon become bitter rivals.

In class, they compete to craft the perfect pictographic rebus and on the sports field their competition heats up Even further as they go head to head in a game of crossword soccer That was one of my favorite parts of the book actually was the crossword soccer Moonshine what was your favorite solve that Xavier did when they were playing crossword soccer? Hi, I You know the the the sport I don't remember that one. Were you oh, you know what you probably have the The special edition where the author added in some extra, some extra cross words after me.

Yeah, I think that's why I'll read. I think we all read the long one. Lucky us. Wow. I'm so glad we all read the one that you weren't entirely familiar with. Man, you're going to have lessons to tell me. That's so exciting.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's push on with the synopsis, though, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Eventually, their pursuit of greater and more complex puzzles leads them into the cryptex forest where they accidentally Free the cursed enigma beast from its quantum Sudoku prison now save your indelten must put aside their differences and work to solve the Seven forbidden word jumbles so that they can unleash the paradox puzzle a legendary

for Bitten word jumbles so that they can unleash the paradox puzzle. A legendary 12 dimensional jigsaw with the power to stump the brain of any living being. Wow, the descriptions in this section blew me away. What did y'all think? I think personally I ship the two characters. Oh, really? Yeah.

Too much. I do as well. Yeah. I felt it was an erotic energy. I think the fact that they're best friends, but also enemies, shows as was established. Yes. Is they would be good if they were boyfriends. Yes. Yeah, the subtext is what really does it. The stuff that wasn't on the page, but between the lines, I was fascinated by it. Yeah, I was fascinated by it.

I was fascinated by it. I remember the most. Well, because it's not all about just the... I hate to spoil it, but you all run for a treat. 13 books later when they hold hands. It is, oh, that scene, 13 books. 13 books. 13 books to get stuff.

13 books to get stuff. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I figured this would be a great, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, puzzles. And then of course at around the seventh book they introduced the concept of Meta puzzles, which are puzzles within puzzles. And then that's great. They actually introduced some like fold-out pages in the books with worksheets on them so that you can solve the puzzles along with Xavier and Delta. And are these like enchanted books like you got to solve the puzzle in order to get to the next page? There is a series of those, but they were not very popular because people actually prefer to hear someone else to read as someone else solves the puzzle. The other books were popular.

The ones where you just read passively in someone's self-suppuzzle. Book five is the book where they first go to school. Yes, this all takes place in the interim during orientation. Oh my God. And then book five, they actually get to school. Oh, here's what I thought, Bev. How about that death? Oh, are you referring, well, I mean, it's sort of a death,

but it's a rebirth as well. If you're referring to the Enigma Beast, that is. That is, I'm talking about the Enigma Beast. Yes. Well, of course. Yes, because it's revealed later on that the Enigma Beast is secretly the world's first riddle master, a man named Trinston Word Search, who supposedly disappeared over 50 years ago. Was that not a shock? I ripped my book in half. I was so shy. I shit myself. I can't say I ripped my book in half. I was so shy. I shit myself.

I can't say I have no one to do that. I actually called it. I knew it from the fucking jump. I would expect nothing less from a playwright of such a renowned as your self-hard one. A scribe indeed. A scribe knows a scribe. I don't know.

So this is actually, we're coming up on my favorite favorite part in the book, which is when Trinston reveals that he has been cursed to inhabit this form by a secret organization known as the Council of Conundrum. And with his dying breath he tells the boys, every finished puzzle is just a single piece in the jigsaw that is the multiverse. And boom we're off to the races. That introduces of course a lot of parallel works

in the series. You know, there's an entire Delta and saga as well. And what page did that occur on? Just because I'm trying to pinpoint it. That was on page like. I think it's either 1,473 or 7,444. There is again, a lot of mirroring, similar to what you use in your work hard one.

Yeah, I guess he clearly is again a lot of mirroring similar to what you use in your work hard one. Yeah, I guess he clearly took in it a lot of, I was influential at seams for this. Here's a good book club question. Who do y'all cast as the main characters? I'm thinking Tom Hall and Timothy Shamblay. Yeah. Yeah. I think Timothy Shamblay is spot on. Thank you for maybe both of the main characters. I think on the main character. Because that tiny shambling play both parts and you could maybe put some prosthetics on his face. So it would look like two different characters.

Yeah. I think you can clump if I'm being honest. Yeah. Just without a doubt. You know what, gang, speaking of the arts, as we all know, as we often are. Yeah, as we often are. Gang, the Crick was really excited this weekend.

Cobb and Cudure, of course, sold their comedy series Crick Your Enthusiasm to a Bahumia HBO last year. Love for them. We just had the premiere this weekend, but it is being panned in the Glade Home Times. Oh, are you telling me there ain't some bias in there? Yeah, no. You know, we're going to go ahead and play a clip from the show and then we're gonna talk about the Controversy in a minute here. This is from a scene where Cub and Cooter are talking about not sharing their Crick water with a petri. Okay, okay, this already sounds like right from a life. No, I'm not letting that guy have at my crick water. He's a wet huffer.

What's a wet huffer? You know, somebody who's always got something in their nose, a wet huffer. You think that's all staying in the nose? Some of it's spraying out, cooter. He's a wet huffer. I won't huff with a wet huffer. I heard the huff.

It's dry. It was a wet huff. Oh, yeah. I thought it was pretty good. I know some wet huff. It's dry. It was a wet huff. Oh, yeah. I thought it was pretty good. I know some wet huffers in my day. I gotta be honest, when you first started huffing hard one, you were a wet huffer. We talked about it behind your back for a brief minute. That's why it's so goddamn relatable. It's actually not relatable to me,

but like just knowing that there's kooky people like that out in the world, like living their life and having troubles, that gets me. That really tickles me. Yeah, see that's good stuff. I gotta say my name. Yeah, I'm wondering, Moonchan, is this sort of just the divide between Crick Elves and High Elves? Because the High Elves are kind of saying that the story is completely unrelatable. Well, okay, here, you know, since we do talk about art, why is everything gotta be relatable? You know, like there should be able to be art that has value

without it relating to your direct life. That's almost a confession of solipsism or narcissism or something. Listen to what Bef said, that was a perfectly great way to enjoy art. This doesn't relate to my life, but I love knowing it's out there. So I gotta say these high-ups,

got their own butts. Right. I guess though, I think maybe some people are still confused because there was the whole B story about Cobb being upset that somebody lower decked his toilet, which in most cultures that would just be using it correctly. Yeah, I know, but you know, part of art is learning about other cultures rather than just reflecting on yours

all the time, huh? How about that, right? It was just that, right? The episode was like two hours long. It was too. Yeah. Well, we don't really have editors at the creek. Yeah.

Listen, it's not too old. We made a lot of art. It's not too edit gold. It's gold. Exactly. Thank you. Thank you. Until you've walked another mile and someone else's boots

of Elvenkind, can you really? Can you really judge them? Exactly. Exactly. I got to say, I just disagree with all this high-of-half allutin. You know, I think this might just be a case of, you know, a cult classic. I think this is gonna be something, even though it is very clearly, very quickly, gonna get canceled. I think this will be a show that we all remember very fondly.

I think so too. It's just so cool to finally have a show about Huffin. Yeah Really good Really really good most shows are about other stuff, but this one's just a show about Huffin. Yeah All right gag. You know what? Let's go ahead and do one more shout out to the news crew Guys, this is Rip Straight from the headlines. Famous boutique clothing store, the vest chest, turns out to just be a front for Akarats' falacteries. Over the years, the vest chest has sold thousands of beautiful custom fitted vests. Unfortunately, it turns, they are really good.

Turns out that they do contain the essence of Akarats. Herdan has called for all vests to be destroyed, but fashionistas are hesitant. Can the vest chest outlest the bad press? Okay, I got, I gotta be honest. This is a real problem. Acaron knew exactly where to hit us hardest. And that is with vest fashion.

People are not gonna give up those vests. We can't give into fear and destroy our vests. Yeah. There are the old things that we have left. After the arts, the culture, you know, our favorite TV shows, our dramas, our books, our fashion, the vests. The vests.

And whether it's fashion in the form of Vest or collars that confound our animals, we have to stand up for what's right. Yeah, I mean, and continue production of these glorious collars and Vest. What we consider the sort of a promulgation of these vests to be sort of a vestulence in itself. Yeah, that's interesting. I'm sure you should write for a quick review, yeah. Honestly, I've been sending them packets left and right, but the thing is, we are in oral culture, so the fact that I've learned how to write

does not mean that all people have to have to read the packet. There's no script. Which I respected, he does great stuff, you know. You do keep sending the packets via Vulture and I think the Vultures are just going right back to the Jamberine. Yeah, they're sick and confused.

Do they have the colors now? And they're just rapid sick, confused Vultures out there. Honestly, so I'm counting like maybe three major plagues we've got going on currently. We got the vest, we got the vultures, and we got the pestilence. We actually have a new ad. This just came in. Hard one, Shorefoot Vulture Handler, got a confused, rabid, sick, vulture, dry coughing on your jamboreen. I'll kill it. Hell, I'll kill any animal.

Oh, no. Hard one. This feels opportunistic. Did you create a problem so that you could solve it? Look, it's the gig economy sister. I gotta get myself out there. Papa, I can't believe you'd be complicit in writing that ad. Rear.

Rear. Look, Papa has a code. As a lawyer, he must be impartial. Papa can advise, but he can't tell hard one what to do. But Papa thought you were gonna help me kill the fucking vultures. Rie-er. Rie-er. Rie-er.

My possums rusty, but it sounds like he said, fuck you, got mine? Yeah, Rie-er. Yeah, rear rear yourself, Bob Bob Everybody everybody relax everybody relax hold me back All right, you know what? Anybody else have any other segments or anything they'd like to share before we go off the air here? No, I'm good I just want to quickly say Solidarity to all my green teens out there.

Do not touch hands, whatever you do, do not touch hands. That's right. And if you ate the pie, I'm sorry, may Pelorby with you in your last time of moments. I got a quick shout out to Triss, if you're out there, if you're listening, I'm willing to give you a second chance. You know where to find me on the Ruby Cruise Days

every other Tuesday. You can't go out hard when Ruby got in there. Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby. Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby. The real stays is closed. They still do takeout. They still do takeout. You can pick it up through the window.

You really shouldn't be meeting people. Yeah, you're innocent of me. The living body of pestilence is out. I will say. I gotta give a shout out to all the Crick Elves out there just kicking it alone in their own time out, Sacks. You know, just stay strong. We're all gonna get in each other's sacks again soon. And check out our Litch stream where we're going to be doing a live performance of the

monster and the cave and they hear who fucking killed it. Uh, next Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah, so subscribe to that for sure. Yeah. Yeah, I think I might have somebody else step in for me to do my part. You're the crux of the short bell, man. I mean, this is your chance, Beverly.

You can be Balnor. You can take over that call of relief character. Well, I mean, no, if Beverly wants it, then clearly I should do it. It's the role of a lifetime. Are you kidding me? I'm sure that Timberly Shamblam would love to step in and play the Beverly part. Well, call her.

That is a joke. Oh, who was? You got any connections to Timberly Shamblam? Yeah, you know what? Not any direct connection, but I feel like, as a fellow Thesbian and an artist, we must run in the same circles. Yeah, absolutely.

Oh my gosh, I'm looking at the windows. There's a vulture carrying a temple. The temple, I'm right here. He's coming. Vulture! Okay, wait, hold on. I speak with animals. Put down temple, champ, lamb.

That bird is confused. I think this is Tom Holland. He's so confused. That bird is confused. I think this is Tom Holland. It's confused, so confused. Oh no, it's Ansel Elgort. You got Ansel Elgort. All right, you know what, Gang? Why don't we end this on the rant, Chant? All of us rant at the same time.

You know, the cause, the cause of all of our problems and all of our suffering, as always, is Scoutmaster Denny. So why don't we go off on that guy with one last rant, Chan? Thank you guys so much for listening. Rant chant in three, two, one. You know, that was a great thing to do. Make it up, obviously.

What happened? There was a four year pre-action. I think he's got a massive amount of energy. You're not even getting it up. I'm not even getting it up. That's a big, big, big guy. That's a big, big guy. That's a big, big guy. That's a big, big guy. That's a even gonna get it. That's not a bad idea. That's not a bad idea.

But everything you've got is counting. We just started it up and then we just started it up. We just started it up and then we got the other key. We didn't like it when we called it Dicks out. We just had a pound of that and we were all so pretty bad. That is the thing. To the Scout Master's Council. And after you can play and they made a stop calling him Dixkout. Hello friends, call well here.

It is the end of the episode, which means it's time to shout out Arpenevalent Council of Elders. Let's get right to it. Brad D, Dylan B, Danny P. and Steelbreaker. Boundores radio producers. Their Elven ears are so sharp and their fingers so nimble that they can hear a cuss word and bleep it before it's ever been uttered. Beardman Dan. Adam R. Danielle the Desterly Dame. Alachard and Alexander T. Five green teens were about to participate in the jamboreen

pie eating contest when a vulture swooped in and carried them away. It dropped them in the ocean, but still better than the plague. Haldoir Frostback, Jordan DJ, Jeffrey S, Cutter W, and Andrew M. The people who purchased Pindergreens used PS4 games. Half of the discs were covered in hot-wing sauce and didn't work, while the other half were actually just DVDs from his box set of the sopranos. Shoebbert the mushroom, Elena C, Mixologist Michael McD, Boundore's boy, and Michael C. Microscopic horses that pestilence uses to infect people all over Bohemia.

There are barely any symptoms, but if you feel a little horse, call a cleric immediately. Justin I, Jacob C, Alaina M, Dana G, and Paul G. Waiters and waitresses at the Extra-Dimensional Ruby Tuesdays. They also work part-time at the Discount Magic Slipper Store across the street, Ruby Shoesdays. Cute. Damio R. Destincy, Jive G, David T, and Aaron Sully. The actors for the Broadway stage production of The Monster in the Cave and the Hero who fucking killed it.

Critics all agree that David T. shined in the role of Balnor. It was like I was shitting my pants right alongside him, raved the Bohumia times. Sergio Salazar Salaman Sakurai Sdesekwani Michael L, Traleigh the Grafe, Jorias and Pup Thoth. The brave interns responsible for stalking Balnor's green room with fresh tuna and bud heavies. Legend says that the room's stench is so powerful it can ruin your sense of smell and make you have loud dads' niezes for the rest of your life. Adam H. Ryan, Aaron G. and Jake L.

The AdSales team that just got fired for all the advertisers hard one had baggin' it partner with. Too bad folks. Big Buck, Richard X Machina, Sam L, Troy McC, and Drew Nasty. A pack of vultures that is actually just trying to live their lives, but moonshine keeps summoning them. They're actually a really nice family who's trying to celebrate one of their 12th birthdays. Chovov, moonshine. Josh S. Nicholas C. Austin C. Kristen P. and Axel A.

The organizers of the Quarantine, a rival event in which a bunch of green teens Google Hangout and Sing Songs about Polar. Obviously the connection was laggy, but it was much more fun than Denny's Jamberine. Makes sense. Mike H. Matthew E. Ocada, Angel Gamer and Catherine S. The stage hands for Hard One's radio play. Why would a radio play have stage hands? They asked the same thing, but Hard One insisted that he needed them. TGM, the gnome barbarian, trash the traveler, Robert F, Paul and Megan the twins, and Hunter

R. The writers of Crick Your Enthusiasm, who patiently explained again and again to their high elf showrunners what lower-decking someone's toilet really means. Zolo Dollo, Nick B, Burley T, Panama James, and I am the Atlas. The stable hands where pestilence has been boarding their horses. They're secretly trying to endear the horse to them and guess what? It's working! Looks like the horse is going to turn on its rider. Good work friends! Colton B, J, C.C. Lululu, Aiden R.H. and Robert P. Rins extended family who has actually been practicing social distancing from poor people for like,

oh generations! Timmy R, Blitzprieg Demetri, J. Dragonborn, Zach C. and Digital Burn 101. Taylor's at the vest-chest vest-imporium, who inadvertently have been spreading the essence of Acarot throughout Bohumia. But you know what else they've been spreading? Style. That's right. Lucas B. Jordan L. Taleth X. Mateo C. and Kazamir, the all-knowing.

The owners and proprietors of Ruby Ruby Cruise Days, who are currently suing hard one for spreading pestilence in their fine establishment. Unfortunately, Papa will be representing hard one, and Ruby Ruby Crews Days is likely to lose everything. They deserve it. Kaleelice, Barnes & Aitor, Christian A, Yens Christian T, and Luke H. The winners of the group pie eating contest at the Green Team Jam Breen. Currently spending the next six weeks at the Green Team Quarantine.

Dev and W. Shinowa B. Jared E. Persephone and Eric McDee. Pindergreens workout buddies. Each one ties a rope to one part of the bow flex and just freaks all. They're all super jacked and super injured. Reese in S. Eric and Andrea B. J. Parker. Jonathan O. And Austin M.R.

The brave rangers who chased down the confused vultures and freed them from their confused callers. These heroes won't rest until hard one has lost all of his sponsorships. Now that's justice. Steven C. Maxwell C. Mike K. Omri-M. and Kalam L. The kind souls who carried hard one home when he passed out in a pie at Ruby Ruby cruise days. It took two people to hold each quad. Scott D. No Thor the prodigy ranger, Mekongi, Dan and the Red Rain. The writer's room of Crick Your Enthusiasm.

None of them know how to read or write, but they know how to keep it light. And that's what counts. Richard C. Karen T. Curtis S. Nathaniel P. and Nikki W.

Bounor's Traffic News Crew. These fine folks are cruising in an airship above Esri reporting on road conditions. The roads which should be empty, by the way, everyone stay home. Come on. Andrew B. Christopher B. Nicholas P. Kevin M. and Rahul N. Five other main characters from Beverly's book. These are pivotal characters that didn't make it into the synopsis because the story is just that dense.

It's true, it's a real tome! Mary Bell, the Kitty Morphing gnome, Joe McGee, Meta Amps, Atticus C, and Amy W. The group of vultures that moonshine summoned to attack Denny. Interestingly enough, they were gonna do that anyway. Kelvin Noodles, Grace G, Lance, Esmi M, and Gary J. A team of anthropologists studying hard ones hand-drawn dwarf porn. They all agree, it's hot as hell. Eric G, Michelle O, Gage M, number one Beverly and fan, Jen R, and Tingle the Bard.

The only five people in the world getting rid of their both-flexes, so we just saved you the hassle of having to go buy one through your phone book. We are heroes. Feldonis gone off. I'm hopeless. Dave H and Michael K.M. Five T-flings who got absolutely sloshed off of moonshine's cocktail recipes, because they did it right. You were supposed to try them all at once. Da? Redneck Ruff, Christian S, Shadow and Jack L.

Critics who panned Old Cobb's show only to watch the second episode and realize they actually love it. Thankfully, the third episode, they hated it again. And that is all of our elders. Thank you all so, so much for your patronage and support, and we will see you next week. Bye-bye. That was a HatGum podcast.