Not Another D&D Podcast - BONUS EPISODE: D&D Court LIVE in Boston!

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

Dungeon Court is back in session and LIVE ON STAGE! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, as well as the Temporarily Elevated Bailiff Hurwitz, as they convene at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, MA* to pass judgement on your trials at the table!*Originally recorded on 1/22/23GET TICKETS TO OUR UPCOMING LIVE SHOWS HERE --> Naddpod.com/LiveCREDITS:Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerEditing and Sound Mixing by Grace HarperSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What's up, mad Poles, it's Murf here to remind you about our Midwest tour coming up very soon. We're going to be in Minneapolis on September 13th for Dungeon Court Live, Madison on September 14th for an actual play show, DM'd by your favorite, Donkel Caldwell. I will be taking the reins for an actual play show in Milwaukee on September 15th, and we'll be rounding it out with Dungeon Court in Chicago. On September 16th each show will be different. The Dungeon Court cases will be fresh. Madison is DM'd by Caldwell and you can come see the band of boobs in Milwaukee DM'd by me. Come to one show, come to two, come to three or hey, come to all four and have a jam barine with us, you can get your tickets at nadpod.com slash live.

That's nadpod.com slash live. Get your tickets. No. Hey folks, it is your bay lift, Jake here to get everybody excited and in the spirit for our fall tour, which is featuring a bunch of live dungeon court episodes. We are releasing this very special first ever live performance of dungeon court at the Wilbur in Boston right here in this feed for you. And guess what, if you want to,

you can come check us out on the road to see a classic campaign show or you might even be able to catch a live dungeon court if we're coming to your city. So check out nadpod.com slash live for all of our dates, but here they are. Why not? What the hell?

September 13th, we are headed to Minneapolis for a dungeon court live. September 14th will be in Madison, Wisconsin. September 15th in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And September 16th, we will be in Chicago, Illinois for another dungeon court live. October 7th, of course, we will be in New York City for our Carnegie Show, which is sold out. Thank you very much. October 26th will be in LA for a Dungeon Court Live, October 27th in Denver, Colorado, October 28th in Sacramento, California, and October 29th. Dungeon Court Live in Portland is sold out. Thank you very much. November 10th, we will be in Las Vegas. November 14th, we will be in New Orleans. November 15th in Orlando, Florida. And finally,

November 17th, Fort Lauderdale, Florida. For a dungeon court live, folks, come check it out. We will see you out there.等級 等級 等級 等級等級 等級 等級 等級 好 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 級 等級 級 等級 級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 級 級 等級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 級 級 等級 級 等級 等級 級 等級 級 等級 級 等級 等級 級 等級 等級 等級 級 等級 級 等 Don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you Yeah, yeah, welcome to Dungeon Cork. Dungeon Cork. Yeah. We are your Supreme Crit Justices.

I am Justice Murphy. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Honor, honor. Yeah. And then of course, Justice Axford.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Honor, honor, honor. Come on. Have you no Jacora? Ha ha ha ha! Justice Tanner!

Whooo! Calu, Cala, Calu, Cala, Calu, Cala, Calu, Cala, Calu, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, Cala, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, call, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, call, calle, calle, calle, calle, calle, call, calle, calle, calle, calle, call, calle, call, calle, call, calle, call, call, calle, call, call, calle, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Sam Wiler is in the crowd tonight. He composed the theme song. Yeah! Woo! Woo! Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Woo! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! And with that, we will throw to Baylif Jake. Wait! Oh! We should ask the audience, how do you want us to feel about Bayloaf Jake today? Yeah. All right. I'm hearing mixed. Sounds pretty clear. Really? Yeah.

Really? Let's do the, there's like one hardy boo that really started it off. That's my resonator. Yeah. Okay, cool. Then it settled. Everyone hates me. So ordered. Yeah. But you need to respect me enough to all rise. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Do we also rise? I don't know how the story is. Hear ye, hear ye. Crit is now in session. Yeah. The honorable Supreme Crit Justice is Axford. Here you here you crit is now in session The honorable supreme crit justice is expert Murphy and Tanner presiding

You may be seated Dude judges usually I think I was about to law just as expert well, yeah, you rise me. Just as expert in tenor, expert rises for Murphy. I called you all the way. OK. Yeah. Everyone's rising. If you like the wave.

Yeah. And thanks for cleaning that up. Who gave you a chair? Yes, I actually stacked several small stools on one another. Go. All right, our first case comes from Amber S, who is here in row E, if anybody is curious. Whoa! I am curious.

Thanks for joining us. I bow before the esteemed justices. I even hang my head in shame to that other guy. You must have hanged that head really low. You're kissing the floor. I ask a simple question. Am I the asshole? I present the case of the killer steed.

My friends and I have a long standing game. We have a drunken barred, Thor, an honorable, war-forged, acaroth, and a sneaky rogue, Berlin. I, as the rogue Berlin, saved a nightmare steed from hell and as a gift from my God, Lira, the God of mist and deceit. He was reborn as a mist horse, shadow. Cool. Cool. So far.

I'll sound very rad. I'll sound very rad. He's my constant companion and we ride to battle together and share a telepathic bond. Our big bad, who we like to call daddy, is... Yes. Yes. I feel your DM's pain. This sounds... Our big bad, who we like to call daddy, is... Ah! Yes, yes. I feel your DM's pain, this sounds.

This is the way the game was meant to be played. Daddy is known as the Maker. He made Akraith. He wants to take over the world and turn it into his utopia. He's always one step ahead of us. And when we got to a new town, there's so happens to be another war forge there named Madion. Akaroth wanted to be friends and took him on a bro date. Sure. And Berlin snuck into his headquarters and shocking. He was a bad guy working with daddy.

One of daddy's baddies. Daddy, daddy. We ambushed him at his secret warehouse and during the battle, Berlin fell on her turn and the mist horse shadow kicked Maddie on delivering the final death blow. When my DM asked if I wanted it to be non-fatal blow, I said, I don't think a horse could decide that. I mean, that's awesome. And I feel both the people so hard. I know.

And in his grief, he would most likely go for the kill. Acaroth was upset that he couldn't question Madion. I asked the court. Did I take it too far and allowing my horses grief to fuel him land the blow? Or did my steed deserve justice? Did I take it too far and allowing my horses grief to fuel him land the blow? Or did my steed deserve justice? Horses know how to count now. I they do you can teach a horse out account. They're smarter than you

make yourself okay, how do you? Horses, yeah, you can teach a horse out account. What the fuck does that mean? And what the fuck does it have? What the fuck does it happen? They have the mental capacity to learn. Everything has a mental capacity to learn. What do you mean it knows how to count? Can it use a calculator? No, it can like clop its hoof. If you're like, hey, hey, butternut, what is how? Count to four.

But can the horse hold a grudge? I don't know. Birds can hold grudges for sure. I don't know if a horse has a grudge. I think it's very hard to do that. A crow. A crow could. Okay. Now, like horses if a word is good. I think there's more of that. I think there's more of that. A crow could.

Okay. Now, horses are also really easily scared. And when you're easily scared, you don't have the presence of mind to deliver non-leaf-al-blows. Yeah, I also, can I say though, we have a thematically similar case that I'd like to read.

Oh. Oh, okay. Chris M wrote to the illustrious court and the decent bailiff. Oh. I lost the tiebreaker. Yeah. I have been playing a war-forged named Acaroth in a campaign. Ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha. Is this what double jeopardy is? For three years in a campaign with my wife, Thoridan, and our best friend, who officiated our wedding. Berlin. The depths. With my brother as the DM, Acaroth had lost his memories after he was accidentally brought

to Feran from Eberon during a battle with a mad scientist, lost in a lony, joined the with my brother as the DM. Acarothed lost his memories after he was accidentally brought to Ferron from Eberon during a battle with a mad scientist, lost in a loany, joined the party in hopes he could find some answers as they adventure. And everybody knows what's happened from here. Yeah. Goes into overdrive, trying to become friends with Madion, but was crushed when he learned that Madion was working with the BBEG.

Eventually, this led to a showdown in Madion's art studio. I asked the party, that was not mentioned earlier. Berlin said it was a warehouse. I asked the party in and out of game to not kill Madion so that he could be questioned. But after Berlin dropped to 0 HP, Shadow Delta killing blow, despite my pleas. OK, afterwards, Maddie and his body was stolen,

so he could not be resurrected. Ah! Ah! OK. Our friend claims she had no choice because that's what Shadow would have done after seeing Berlin go down. OK, Shadow would not have stolen a body.

Shadow called a cleaning service have stolen a body. Yeah, that's top. Shadow called a cleaning service to remove the body. They don't get regulated their emotions, but they can't thief a body. They can count, but they don't they don't know about resurrection. This course was exacting. Yeah. So should my friend take accountability for the killing blow, or was she justified in saying the horse made her do it. The horse made her. This is a level beyond. That's what my character would do. That's what my horse made me do. The horse made me do it. To me, it seems clear that like the DM had some plans for this this war forged and they were spirited away before anyone could ask them questions that would reveal information that is crucial

But it sounds like the horse is the one that dragged Maddie on spotty away. I might have interjected that Yeah, can we can we ask a question? Testimony yeah, you don't get to defend yourself in my courtroom. Well, you can give a yes-no answer. Did the horse lose the body? Okay, cool. Okay. So the horse didn't pick up the body and shove it into furnace.

No, that didn't happen. Okay. Even though they can count. This kind of changes everything for me. Uh-huh. How hot can the horse count though? The horse can't count. Ha ha ha.

It's worth, what horse? The horse can't be counted on. Is that certain they learned? I need to see a video of horse counting. Because I think it's just getting positive reinforcement, right? You're being like, this is for. I think you're a cookie when you get for.

I'll give you a carrot. And then it does for. It knows to clop its hooves for time. I know, but that's, if it is positive reinforcement, then it wasn't the horse's choice. They were doing it to try to impress the rider. And therefore, it wasn't the horse that made them do it. Rather, it was the rider that made them do it.

Oh, I guess the rider was out. To play devil's horse's advocate. I feel like, normally I would say that the horse would be smarter because they share like a psychic bond with Berlin. But I guess if Berlin was knocked out, that bond might be temporarily severed. So maybe they did prefer to a more primal state. It's the answering machine, yeah.

Yeah. You could maybe give'd prefer to a more primal state. It's the answering machine, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You could maybe give that point to the DMM. I think if you made a horse so mad that it was kicking you while you were down, I don't know that it stops. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think if I were riding on a horse,

and then I got knocked out and telepathically went dark. My constant companion would go into a state of rage. It's you're in a small room and that horse wants to get you down. It's not going to stop until you stop. Which is like, right? Don't bring a horse into an artist's loft. First of all. I don't know if they're a sculptor, you're fucked.

But the being asked out of game. I don't know if they're a sculptor, you're fucked. Yeah. But the being asked out of game. Yeah. The students are really funny. That's like, I'm wondering, could you have prepped this horse? Could you have been like shadow? We're about to go into a battle. We need to make sure that we can question this person later.

If you kick, make sure you kick like a shoulder. I don't know. But you need to train it. You need to get this guy's down. Kick him in the shoulder, here's a carer. Right. You have to downtime train non-lethal damage. Yeah, right. Also, it was left up to the DM.

It's not like, oh, the horse goes nuts, and I want my horse to murder this person. It was like, I don't know what the horse is going to do. The horse is mad. Maybe, maybe in that case, we could have thrown to the horse. The horse has stats. We could have done a wisdom set. Like, this is on the DM. Yeah, right?

Wow. That's all world right now. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. Is it so much that's? Oh, it's a nightmare, right? Or then it turned into a mist horse? A mist. Yeah, mist horse. That's a four. Yeah, that's a nightmare, right? Or then it turned into a mist horse? A mist horse? Yeah, mist horse.

That's a four. Yeah, that's it. How many horsemen of the apocalypse are? It's done. It's done. They're getting kicked. This was player versus player, but it ends up the DM is charged. Yeah.

Yeah, because I'm not charging a horse. Yeah. Or being charged by a horse. The other like stood behind a horse before, it's horse. Yeah. Or being charged by a horse. You'll over like stood behind a horse before. It's terrifying. They're not supposed to do that. They are awesome. But you're trying to take care of it. You have to stand behind it. Yeah. You have to give it a positive butt pat. How many times am I patting your butt? Five times? Great. What's this? What's this DM's punishment?

They have to train a horse out of count. Yes. And the real way. The real way. We want a horse to actually know how to count. They need to internalize the numbers. They need to internalize it. Yeah.

So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. ordered so ordered so ordered so I think so both Amber and Chris no Just Amber's right are free no Chris is wrong Chris was not the DM. I know but Amber left it up to the DM Who we punish yeah Chris is mad that what happened happened, but we think that what happened is fine Yeah, okay, so then does Chris have to Chris is mad that what happened happened, but we think that what happened is fine. Okay, so then does Chris have to go to my show? We were talking about Bore Ant that I was like, I'm worried that you guys are gonna be too nice since the people are in the crowd.

So I'm gonna be meaner. Merf was like, I can't wait to get booed. There he is. Boo. Be nicer to Jake, dude. Who said that? Shit. All right. We'll be nice to Jake. Okay. Our next case comes from Deborah, who is here in

Ro7. What's up, Deborah? Hey. Ro7 represent to the honorable Supreme Crit Justices and the Bountifully Bearded Baylift Jake. Appreciate that. Oh, and you're lucky we're being nice to Jake now. Yeah.

Yeah, I would have been a tiebreaker. A couple seconds. A couple seconds. You never know where the wind's going to blow. Damn, you shouldn't have been nice to me, Chris. This isn't even a real beard. That was right off. Well, it's part of the costume.

I'm going to take this, like, please don't follow this joke. Please, the court, I present the case of the wasted polymorph. In our campaign, I play a druid, and we recently leveled up, giving me access to my fourth level spell slot. Nice. Our party was in a multi-session battle and everyone was in rough shape, particularly our barbarian who had already been knocked out and used his relentless endurance to stay at 1 HP.

As we thought the battle was ending and all we had to do, all we had left to do was break a magical portal. You got it. NPCs, thanks. NPCs alerted our party to another wave of orcs running in from the North. No. The North, the North. Seeing the state of our party, I decided to use my only fourth level spell, Polymorph, to turn our nearly dead barbarian into a giant ape with 157 HP and attacks.

That's cool. I like that. Yeah. Yes. Good move. Fun use to the spell, huh? A tax like rock throw. However, despite agreeing to the spell

by skipping the wisdom saving throw, once he polymorphed into the giant ape, he would only, quote, beat his chest like King Kong. On his turn. What? Our party finally convinced him to spend one turn pushing on the stone portal, which did break the ability

for other enemies to join the battle, but he would not do anything about the approaching orcs. And our party ultimately had to run away and miss the opportunity to loot the enemy camp. Am I wrong for being annoyed at my fellow player for wasting? No! My first opportunity is wrong.

Can't punish good roleplay! This person literally went ape! Whoa! Yeah, boom! It's an numerous in town. I would never defend this. Babyface turn. That's a wrestling lingo. Yeah, ten people know No, Debra, you are not wrong It's also just

It's just not funny, you know what I mean? Like yeah, like maybe if there was a building he could climb or a big banana he could eat. Yeah, then it'd be funny That's my favorite part of the King Kong film. I'm just, when he eats the big banana. No, he's gonna eat the big banana. We spent all year making that. I'm making it. That's what farmers call it.

We have our, we have our counting horse to make us a banana. He can only count to one. What is this form? I'm just imagining the whole table sitting there in silence as the guys like, I beat my chest. Okay. And, Jin Kong, you remember that movie from 100 years ago?

I'm picturing the DM also being like, you could do that as a free action. Actually, yeah. That have like pretty high wisdom. You can go ahead and allow that. Yeah, it's just like an ape would like attack someone that was attacking it. That would be really normal. No.

I beat my chair so hard. The ape isleton Allen. To the Ableton Allen. He wants to roll to pick fleas off a friend. Excellent. A point of inspiration. So good. I think this is really fun and really smart.

And you're smart. Not your friend. Not the barbarians. Yeah, this was great. Yeah, I think I got it. I can't even wrap my head around this person. It's also like making a king, like doing a King Kong impression. That was, it was like 50 years to late, 20 years ago. At least do a rampage impression.

Part of like the loony tunes would make one of that in like the 60s. I feel like the Jack Black ones coming around again. Since we always, since we always like try and, give a generous read. Yeah. What is the generous read in? Let's defend.

I think I have, yeah. The generous read was this person was just having a real good time with how disappointed everyone was. Yeah. Because I've been there. I've been there. I've been there. This was their heel turn.

Maybe. Yeah. I think I can offer another generous read, which is that maybe this barbarian was excited about like dying in this like crucial battle. Like they thought that this was going to be like their moment. This is not the way to do that.

Yes, dies. That's fine. Being disappointed that the Druid used a fourth-level spell to give you 157 points. And they failed the wisdom save on purpose. They wanted this. Yes, they accepted it. Yeah. It's such a cool use of the spell too. And what a way to like, just deflate the air out of the room. Again, I'm just imagining everyone being silent around the table as somebody does a very old King Kong

impression. Well, I think we're in agreement then to sentence the eight, right? Yeah, unfortunately, it's the eight, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Debra, we're on your side. Animals behaving badly tonight.

The theme continues. What are we gonna do to this ape? Um, God. Push him off a tall building. Whoa, that sounds bad. I guess that's what happens to King Kong, right? Well, and Moilers, dude. Sorry.

Sorry. It's coming back around. I heard. Yeah. The Jack Black one might be different It also seems like the ape doesn't die because they've made like nine movies Well, and you're getting into like the god's delivers King Kong universe Oh, you know you have to go to like the holliver I'll talk about King Kong

Anyway, all of our theory inside of this world. There is a world full of monsters That is where Mothra comes from as well as several other of our friends Yes, so it's that but for life It's that for like a whole Sunday like one of those Sundays that you were gonna have to yourself Hey, I'll do what you hear about Gamera. He's friend to children. He's a big turtle monster You thought you were gonna like meal prep for the week? Yeah, yeah. He thought you were gonna catch up with some emails?

Yeah, but no. Have some peaceful silence. Yeah. Okay. I randomly ordered us Chinese food. Now we're gonna talk about Skull Island. I rolled for you. I got broccoli and chicken minus the chicken.

14. That's steamed rice. 14. That's uncooked rice. I want an open fortune cookie with the fortune gun. All right, our next case comes from Rouse D.S. who is here with us tonight as well. A-h-h-h. Hey, hey, hey. Yeah.

Rouse D. writes, hey! Hey, hey! Hey, hey! Yeah! Rouse the rights. Dear honorable and hungry judges Murphy, Axford, and Tanner. Oh, yeah. And Baylor Frank. Oh, thank you for it. Yeah. So get him.

Not even close. And we like me now, I think. Not anymore, dude. Okay. All right, sweet. You guys could hate Frank all you want. My table is currently not good off. My table is currently... No, I hate my way.

No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, I hate my way. No, that means actually we all just cheer a lot. Yeah. Disorder!

Disorder! Disorder! Disorder! My table is currently playing in an 80s New York action film theme D&D games. Yes. Sick. Aya. That is come to a gastric impasse.

Oh no. In the hopes of emulating the video game trope of instantly eating food for health, I, the DM, proposed that instead of healing potions, adventurers in our world would slam back a hot dog during combat. Yeah, that's cool. Already off the bat.

I'm like, awesome idea. And then, if I think about it for two seconds, I'm like, I'm sick. You can't. I'm sick already. There's proof that you can slam a hot dog so fast. Yeah, I get you to hot dog as a bonus action. How fast could you slam a hot dog? It's a bonus action easily.

Yeah. Don't get too far ahead of this. How fast could you? As a free action. I think that would be. Does anyone have a hot dog? Is there a hot dog chef in the audience? How fast can you slam hot dog?

I think a minute and a half. There is the ball. Six rounds of hot dog. I'm gonna say probably something similar for me. Because of course I'd be reading something. And I want to have chips with it. It's imagine being in a hot dog eating contest and just like putting on ketchup as fast as you can. Just like eating a chip with these plates. Just saying, um, afterwards.

I just Joey Chess touches me like, oh wow. You really got to stop every once in a while. Just remember that you're eating a great hotdog ballpark. God, it's good. Pull it out of vanity fair. It's about the taste as much as it is the speed. Also, it's interesting seeing my own biases, because normally I would be very against something so silly, but since it's nasty, I'm like, this is awesome. This is great.

I just was like, I eat a lollipop and we get help. Yeah. You're like, get out of here. Eat a full turkey, you idiot. Eating spaghetti, that's funny. It's also like, the shape of it is so wrong. I hate both parts of the hot dog equation for this, for the phrase slam, because the bread,

the bread just like into your face, the hot dog just like slides all the way down without a single bite. You gotta horseshoe it. You gotta horseshoe it into your face. The hot dog just like slides all the way down without a single bite. You gotta horseshoe it. You gotta horseshoe it into your mouth. Oh yeah. Yeah. Break it up into some water.

Let's shoot it. Like a retainer. You just like full the. Yeah. Yeah, you dunk it in water, break it in half. Yeah, you pull the dog. You can also separate the bun from the dog. So dog goes down like a pill.

Bun gets soaked in the water. Just taking that dog like a pill, bun gets soaked in the water. Just taking that dog like a pill. Have you never thought about this? Maybe just took it to a chop shop, you know, where her chop stop where they go. Just a hot dog sound, that's just hot dog sound. We're just milking time so people can Uber eats us a bunch of hot dogs.

Ha ha ha. OK, sorry. OK, so I have really got this right. In honor of Glyzzy Realism, Glyzzy is slang word for a hot dog that I learned today. I offered the players, yeah, I offered the players could make a con-saving throw to see if their character can get an action

and a hot dog in the same turn. I love it. It just keeps getting better. It's getting better. Or getting better. Not to huff fukkicks. Oh, I'm fucking playing at your table. You're doing it right. Yeah.

Oh, they show me this ahead of time. I'm like, great. Yeah, I'm a wizard, but my con is my max stat. I'm a con-based sorcerer. No, not for the reason you think. No, not mechanically for hot dogs. All right, my players began immediately arguing that their characters should not need to make con saves as six seconds would be more than enough time for their characters to eat

a hot dog and perform their action. This only goes one way to prove this. To prove this, we decided to have the players try to snarph a doll. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. In under six seconds. As you should, after diligent testing, we found that six seconds is in fact not enough time for my players. I knew it! I knew it! You can't read an article and snarph. Not enough time for my players to consume a pork missile.

Ha ha ha! So, well done. Well done. So hot dog focused. I love you. You're living life right. However, they continue to argue saying that their characters would be great glizzy guzzlers given the amount of practice they would have. Yeah, I just think that my character would be really good at either hot dog.

That would be reflected in their con-saving throws though, right? Well, I don't expect my players to achieve Joey Chesnut level of hot dog horking in the real world. I still want it to be a challenge to be rewarded with healing and an action. So I ask you, do you think six seconds is enough time to hork a hot dog and perform your combat action? We wait your judgment. I mean, if you go like breath of the wild style,

like you can just shove that thing in your mouth and then slash with your sword. No, we're going glizzy realism. I'm, I'm siding with glizzy realism. Well, I play 80s New York if you want real. We're John Carpenter ass New York. Guys, this is the definition of a crunchy campaign. No, more like soft and...

Actually, a squishy campaign. Well, it should be squishier with the rules. I have to believe it. This was already solved with the cons saving throughout, right? Yeah, I think you did it right. Because you already, that will determine how fast you can eat a hot dog. Also, your players entering the, like, heating the call to try to hork a hot dog in six seconds.

We then entering into a contract that if they couldn't do it, then it wouldn't count. And if they could do it, then it would. And when they failed, they tried to say, doesn't count. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, no takes these backsees. All right. Also, so takes, he's back, he's. All right.

Also, so the general just like a regular person in D&D, if you're just like, this is just a person, just like the commoner statue, which would be like all of us, would be everybody just has a 10 across the board, plus zero to everything. Is it somebody with a plus? So commoners are all tens.

All tens. All tens. All right. It's not that. They're a tin, but they can't eat a hot dog. It's like they can eat a hot dog. I take ten. So I would say your average person has a plus zero to con. And they're not able to eat the hot dog in DC.

What's the DC? Oh yeah, what is the DC? Oh, let's have a one. We'll get the DC. What's the DC? What's the DC? We never made it that far. Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! That was, who ate? Okay, all right. We'll get some clarity here. We'll solve the DC.

Yeah, yeah. I think we're already on your side, but we're gonna, let's fix this. Let's fix this. Yeah. Okay, so, what was the fastest somebody ate a hot dog? Oh, great question. Seven or eight. Okay, that's pretty good. I would say it's plus one to con. Yeah. Okay. Would I think that person has a plus one to con. Right. So they shouldn't be able to do it like half

the time or. Yeah, so what does that translate into a DC at DC 11? I would think DC 11. Okay, so y'all roll I fucking up chuck my hot dog I also yeah, I beefed it. I got a 12 so I'm down in that dog 11. Oh, well seems to generous I think 11 we go there. Yeah, all right if we're saying seven or eight. Why don't we say DC 15? Okay, I hear a lot of horses in the audience counting I don't know but Joey Chessna probably has a plus five to con he should be down in these faster than plus 10 You know what you need a hot dog getting proficiency That'll fix it Joey Chess not as proficiency

I would just be like you could just kind of generalize that beyond hotdogs. You're just eating on the go proficiency because I definitely have one of those. Yeah. Just housing some toast as you're late to school. OK, so we are definitely siding with the DM. The DM.

Yeah, the DM. So the punishment is for the players. Punishment is for the players. I don't, I just love this whole campaign. Yeah. And yet they must be punished. We could do like a croissanting, but with hot dogs. Oh.

Oh, hot doggy. It's so hot doggy. Because every time you project one, you're just waiting to see the weeners separate from the bun. You're just hoping you get hip-hop to bread. Yeah. All right. So by the bread. Yeah. All right, so not the weeners. What you got to do is you got to go to like a batting cage

and when no one's looking. What? Why can't you? Why can't they be looking? Can't you? Can't you? When no one's looking, okay. You just load that bad boy up with hot dogs.

Oh. Oh. That's, that's the thing. You go in there without a bat. That's a prank on the batting cage. That's a hot dog just instantly folds up into the machine. I think it would spully spray you with hot dogs. It would be like, you would be like, you would be like, you would be like,

you would get sprayed by beef. I actually like this because you would get sprayed by beef juice. And if you didn't, you would have to apologize to the batting cages, which would be a punishment. We sent you to apologize to the owner and operator of batting cage. And you have to go apologize to all the families that are there. Right. You don't understand. There was a super niche comedy sort of D&D show. They don't play D&D on it. They talk about other people playing D&D. They were wearing ropes. Make sure to mention us.

I saw them in Boston. Did you know horses can count, sir? That's what we learned. Skink out and knock me in a hot dog in eight seconds. Anyways, you're gonna want to call the maintenance guy. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. Yeah, keep doing what you're doing though. It seems like a fun campaign. But you do go shove a hot dog in a batting cage. Yeah, yeah. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered.

So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered.

So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So ordered. So All I said may it please the court the enlightened judges and the deplorable bailiff Whoa, I present to you the case of the gnome and the airtight traveling chest

Already I Have a living in infamy in Boston You play D&D long enough you're gonna put a gnome in a chest It's just they brought this case to you real court and it was kicked down to us. My party and I were exploring a mountain town when we came across a sourdough monster that had escaped to the local bakery. I don't know these food-based campaigns. I respond to it. Everything is either food or animals when I'm going through questions.

Our beloved known NPC, Jim John, was traveling with us. Fearing for his safety during combat, we instructed him to hide in a large empty chest that was hitched to our wagons. Is he gonna die? Okay. Jim John did so, and we fought valiantly against the sourdough monster, defeating it.

This sounds great. No conflict. Jim John's not sun's great. No question. Everything's not making it out of this question. We continued traveling and eventually decided that Jim John could come out of the chest safely. Oh, wait, no, no. They're not traveling. This is our reason. No, they forgot about Jim John.

They were getting away from the cursed bakery. Eventually decided. They just finished fighting us. We opened the chest and Jim John was fine. Just kidding. We opened the chest. And much to our astonishment, our DM announced that Jim John's corpse fell out.

Oh, my God. Yes. He suffocated in the chest. He informed us. He reported that the chest lid was too heavy for the young gnome to open on his own from the inside. It's so graphic! The chest served as a sarcophagus in which Jim Don met his untimely death. Remember mine! Remember mine! untimely death. We of course protested this with a variety of arguments but all were met with the staunch rebuttal. We eventually moved from denial and bargaining into acceptance and held a funeral for Jim John on a quiet riverbed in the forest. You murdered Jim John,

you left him in there. To this day, to this, my party and I feel our DM wronged are beloved Jim John. So I ask you wise judges, was our DM right to have Jim John suffocate in the chest? Or is there a chance he could have survived his time in there and we should still have him here with us today? Okay, so this chest is airtight and also soundproof. Well, they were in the, they left him in there. I, it was in like the back seat of the car. They probably would have heard it. He might have just as he slowly lost access to oxygen. He was yelling, but

he was, he was, he was, he was, he was saying it's really peaceful. Yeah, she's holding her take more oxygen. Yeah. He was scared. He was yelling, but nothing was coming out. And he was banging his tiny little fists of hope. Actually, the case had a lining on the top that was scratched with Jim John's nails. And we found little bits of fabric. It actually touched into a final message of, I love you.

Thank you for saving me. Dot, dot, dot dot until you didn't. The problem the problem here for me is the phrase we continued traveling and eventually decided that it was time to pursue you we can ask we can ask for some clarity from from Sid. How long were you traveling for before you decided to check on Jim John? Maybe like 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Oh, I'm so surprised.

That's them suffocating times. I mean, that is a power. I remind you, everyone is under oath by entering this building. Did you forget about Jim John? Maybe a little. Maybe a little, she said. My favorite part about this is the, the DM announced that Jim John's corpse fell out. Like, he was so dead that he was an object. I wasn't.

Jim John fell out. Of course, Jim John. This is a Jim John anymore. Also, this is a clean snow. Did you think DM was just dulling with Jim John? It's not. I also have another question. Is this airtight chest, like, did you

think it was a normal chest? And then you found out it was airtight after he hit him. It's just like, it's was a normal chest and then you found out it was airtight after he hit him? It's like it's okay. It's a seemingly normal chest. You can't like people get trapped in place and die. It depends on if the DM was like oh yeah, there's a chest. You think like you know, what insulated kind of chest. That's what I just picture. Chest like or tillalar.

It was an igloo cooler. Yeah, I'm saying like, no it. If it's an igloo cooler. Yeah, I'm saying, look at, no, if this was an igloo... If it's an igloo cooler, you gotta tell your PC. If it's an igloo or a Yeti, then you have to tell somebody. Oh, if you were to say, yeah, you can put Jim John in there. You do have to take out the Gatorades. Then you've implied it was an igloo cooler.

If it's an antique trunk, those have... There's sea urges. There's breathability in there. Yeah. I actually used to hide him when I was an antique trunk. Those have, you can see there's breathability in there. I actually used to hide in one when I was a kid. The Jake defense. Jake is a ghost. Here's, okay. I'm gonna flip a little bit because I'm imagining, oh, they did it.

I'm gonna flip the big flip version. Let's see. What's the term? Did you guys lock the chest that Jim John was in? Did we lock the chest? Yeah. You did? You did?

No, baby. No, baby. No, baby. OK. I think you murdered this gnome. Listen, if it wasn't locked, we locked the chest. We put him in a couple plastic bags for safekeeping. I don't think you locked the chest.

I don't think you locked the chest because the DM said it was too heavy for Jim John to press up. Oh, so if they said it was locked, the DM would have said, you guys locked the chest. You didn't lock the chest. And if the DM didn't say you close the chest and the sound of air like, the's a, the sound of it. The TMA, the decision that this was airtight

and very heavy after Jim John was inside the chest. The airtight, I think, is, let's throw that out. Because just if somebody's locked in a chest, they're gonna die. Like, no, you're the best. I told you I was playing hide and seek with my sisters. You're the best. You're the best I won.

You would cook. Thank you. Wait, I just put my hands right. I said a bad idea for you to go in there that they didn't think you were in there. Yeah. I do think it is it is bullshit to be like the gnome can't lift the chest because like yeah it'd be able to open the. Yeah it was a lid. Yeah it's a lid. Heavy. Again I think we got a circle back to the fact that the DM was done with Jim John I think the DM was like okay, I don't like doing this voice. I think Forkette name Jim John sounds like one of those names that you're like, what's this NPC's name and the DM's like

I don't fucking Jim John. Yeah, I guess yes Yeah, and then you as the PC are like Jim John We love you. You're gonna be around forever. Yeah, here I am. I love skittles, I guess. Holy shit, you're coming with us, dude. All right. I'm very important here.

I'm the mayor of the town. Should I really come with you? Get in the trunk, man. Are you sure It looks like I'm a little for me. It's so heavy All right, I'm honestly kind of split on this because I think that I think Jim John Should have been able to lift the trunk. Yeah, I think the fact that the player was in sure if it was locked though And the we eventually decided

Plus did you forget about Jim John maybe? I'm gonna... I think I'm... Oh, sorry. Okay, I'm gonna, I'll side with the DM and say that Jim John is dead. Ha ha ha. I...

The DM... It's obviously murdered Jim John. Uh-huh. Absolutely. It was premeditated. Ha ha ha. This was premeditated. This was in cold blood that this happens. From the DMs, mine loins, Jim John came.

And back into the DM, Jim John must return. Yeah. It is the DMs right and choice, whether or not Jim John lives or dies. I kind of agree with Kawa. I think I'm going to side with the deal. I know what I am. Something I'm going to do. Yes, it makes us stronger.

This was murder. But that happens in court sometimes. I think it was murder, but it led to a very funny story, which is why I'm siding with the deal. Yeah. Also going and having a private funeral for the NPC thing. You forgot about it and murdered. It's very funny.

It's very funny. It sure has to be like, oh no, we love Boundorn a closet. Yeah, but Boundorn would be mad at us. He wouldn't necessarily be dead when we got there. I think death was a harsh punishment. Would I just kill Balnor in a basket? Probably not. Balnor, he fell asleep under several coats.

Yeah. He couldn't get out. He was too cozy. Should we throw this one into the audience? Because I feel, I'm honestly feeling a little split on it. OK, I'm feeling split too. I feeling a little split on it. Okay, I'm feeling split too much here. I'm feeling pretty split on it. Okay.

All right. So, if you think Jim John was killed by the players, go ahead and cheer. Okay. Okay. Why would you cheer for that? You're a monster. If you think Jim John was killed needlessly by the DM, go ahead and cheer.

It sounds like, that's pretty. It sounds like this, but they sustained it at the end. OK, so then we're really. Justice for Jim John. All right, we happen to a Jim John may finally rest. So are we gonna punish the DM? Yeah, okay, great. I mean obviously they just have to bring in a gnome named John Jim. Yeah, and you need to have any of his clear voice. Less of a planned backstory. He only eats hot dogs. Yeah, there you go. I'm super party. And you need to have any even sillier voice. Less of a planned backstory.

He only eats hot dogs. Yeah. And here's the thing, he's only a hot dogs and he does have a plus four plus four sword. Yeah. Yeah, I think as players, you have the power to every time you go into a potion shop or something, really just try to adopt every NPC.

Just be like, what's your name? What's your story? Wow. What are you doing? Would you like to come with us? This sword sure is heavy, but I guess I'll swing it in your name. I could live lots of heavy things like the lit of a trunk. Yeah, John Jim just takes his massive sword and slices

the chest in half. OK, so ordered. Thank you to Angie for sponsoring this head-gun podcast. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your home projects done well. Indeed. So if you own a home, you know how much work it can take, whether it's everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality. It can be hard just to know where to start, but now all you need to do is Angie that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Yeah, doing stuff yourself seems fun, but then you actually get to, you know, solving a problem

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So download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's ANGI.com. Thank you Angie Angie.com. Thank you. This episode of NADPOD is brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. Have you ever signed up for a service, and then instantly forgot about it?

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Our next case. Thank you. Our next case comes from Liam D who's here in row two. Shout out to you. Shout out to the row two crew. May it please the court and the beloved Baylor Jake. I don't know about that tonight. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Max, I bring to you a story from several years ago

so most of the details are hazy. My very first D&D campaign, I played a rogue. We had a session zero after which the DM sent out a packet of information about the criminal underground in their homebrew world in general. They had an already existing campaign in this world. It was well developed. I skimmed the packet thinking it was background information for the fun of it.

Cut to the first. Oh, you could skim the packet. It's supposed to be for fun. Cut to the first session. We are investigating some sinister going on in town. I clock some suspicious NPCs with a strange box. I chat them up. Oh, no. And they implied that the box was important to the goings

on in the region and to our mission. When I asked for more details, the DM started speaking gibberish. In fact, they refused to answer my questions to these NPCs in anything, but what I would soon find out was thieves can't. Apparently... I saw so many faceballs in the audience.

Apparently... Who would have guessed? Who would have guessed this DM would have been crazy? Apparently, the packet of information they gave me about the world had actually been homework for me the player to learn thieves can't Are you kidding me? What's ending someone a packet is crazy We moved on without finding the information and it became clear to me that not learning this information was a huge problem for the DM and for the plot

So it's not even so the character, new thieves can't, just the player didn't learn the made up language. That's the DM created. They write, I even got the impression it was bad for the other campaign that the DM was running in that world. I was embarrassed and felt like I messed up the game and I never went back.

Good. Good for you. Was I in the wrong for not doing my homework? No, I'm not. I'm not in the wrong. I wasn't unreasonable ask for a brand new player. I'm unreasonable. It's like asking a fighter to be like,

you're playing a fighter in my campaign. We're going to rack the bench figure. You put up 250 for like three or four. Yeah. Hey, just letting everybody know that this is going to take place in Spain. So brush up on your espagnol. Oh, you're a monk, do a background call.

I think you should learn a real skill. You learn a language. This person made up a language. You want it? Presumably, the player has a job, has things to do. Learn a fake language for at least if you learn Klingon, you can like talk to other people at a Star Trek invention. Hold on.

You know what? Keep in mind the DM had a... The DM had a campaign in the same world. They had two campaigns. So you could talk to the other players from that world. Yeah, I do want to talk to the other players from that world because like, generous read, maybe that are like a hardcore group and they do like that sort of immersion

in that amount of homework. That could work for you, but like do not just bring someone into that. That is like hardcore stuff. Like you need to be prepped. You need to be prefficed about what you were getting yourself into. They did get the packet. Yeah.

I think it's so funny to me that this person also was surprised. Like, you caught them flat-footed by not learning the language that they made. Just imagine that. They were just like, speak more of the language to somebody. I'm rambling. How many speaking in a made-up language is somebody? And they don't respond to you instantly back in the made the made up language that you just made up and going like

And then sticking to your guns so much that you don't give them any information It's also like I don't remember in like some of my favorite books I don't remember like anything from them, you know what I mean? Yeah. The idea that you would read somebody's packets and just be like, I know everything now. I know this language. The only, I'm trying to do generous read situation here.

Real struggling. I'm going to ask you a yes, no question. Was there a companion text that said, hey, check out the packet, because there's important information and a language that I made up that I'd like you to learn. Not in that much detail. Oh, boy. Yeah. Oh, my goodness.

When I would send out introductory emails and stuff to you guys, it would be like, we'd read it. You'd see a map of the world and everything. But still, when you guys went through, I wouldn't expect you to know, like, I know the name of every single shopkeeper and everything in my character's hometown. Yeah, in fact, Kubel spends the whole time actively saying, I'm not gonna learn any of this. Yeah, we usually edit that out. Yeah, we have to edit it out.

We turn, yeah, we turn his mic off for the, yeah. The raspberry is he's blowing. Colleen. What's that? How can I leave this? Please, man. But sometimes it's just tough love. Like, I imagine you know thieves can't now.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Did it make you a better person? Man, it's so... Yeah, I think we got a sentence this DM. Yeah, deeply. I would say... But, you know, but to what? They already sound miserable.

I think I make them teach a horse thieves can. Horse is can learn thieves can't. Horse is can learn thieves can't. So, I mean, so hoarder. So hoarder. So hoarder. So hoarder. So hoarder. Can I ask you, were there other people who learned thieves can't? No, I was the bro. There's a faint of language for one person.

Well, to be fair, the wizard learned real spells, so. Yeah. Yeah. Man. That's such a different learn CPR. It's a word. It's so strange, too, to just pick on that one thing, because every character speaks like a gnome character speaks gnome.

No, man. Yeah, yeah, for sure. So inconsistent yet so strange. Yeah, they really set themselves up to fail. Well, I mean, yeah, you have to, this DM has to adopt a horse and teach it. Can't wait to listen to a horse speak thieves' camp. As it coordinates a theft of my personal property.

Oh, a second-thieving horse tonight, okay? Okay, our next case comes from three awakened gooses. Oh, so I take it, you were at the show last night. Oh yeah, who was at the show last night? Yeah! Yeah! Oh yeah. Thank you guys.

Three to two shows, that's what they call double jeopardy. You keep saying that? Uh-huh. You don't know what it is. That's what they call double jeopardy. You keep saying that? Uh-huh. You don't know what it is. That's clear. Three awakened gooses rights. Hello illustrious judges and delightful Baylif Jarf. I like that.

I like that. Actually, I'm like a named. I switch a room. Should we get your parents on the phone and see if they like it better than James? If we don't get them, yeah. Okay, we'll see if my dad will pick up. Hey, it's your son that used to hide in the trunk all the time.

You have to break it open with a crowbar to save his life. Yeah, you thought I absolutely disappeared the last time I did it. But here I am, and I actually have a podcast, dad. Anyway, where's my birth certificate? I need to change it. I'm trying to change my first name to Jurf Dad. I'm getting roasted on stage right now. Dad, he must love that, Dad.

I bring to you the case of the disappointed, oh my God. I bring to you the case of the disappointed daddy. Woo! This is genuinely not planned. I'd say we're psychic, but it's just a theme. Yeah. Oh! This is genuinely not planned. I'd say we're psychic, but it's just a theme. Yeah. In a homebrew game, another player decided to flavor his rogue as a dad and put all his stats into charisma.

Hell yeah. What? You know, dad flavor. Yeah. Well, I mean, there's a lot of backgrounds that you can pick for D&D. Classic rogue dad. Yeah. I'm trying to, like, what would a rogue dad backgrounds that you can pick for D&D. Classic Rogue Dad. Yeah.

I'm trying to, like, what would a Rogue Dad do? I guess he'd do like, Snatcher Nose. Dad jokes, no, no, yeah. He specialized in persuasion and deception to convince people he was their dad. Oh. OK, so this is actually not a Rogue Dad.

I mean, I was actually a Rogue Dad. It's a Rogue Dad. So we're a dad gone Rogue. All right. No, this isn was actually a rogue dad. It's a rogue dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're the dad gone rogue. All right. No, this isn't a dad gone rogue. Because I'm not actually. It's not easy to accept you to say that they're a dad.

OK, there's the guy going rogue dad. Yeah. The group was fine with this until he tried to use this ability to force PCs to do what he wanted. No. When he was told he can't force PCs to do what he wants with persuasion roles, he became despondent and refused to participate. This made it.

And refused to participate in things like combat stating, I didn't build my character for combat, and he's useless now. So I'll just watch the horse. Get a better bitch. Stop being friends with this person. Yeah. Yeah. the horse. Get a better bitch. Stop being friends with this person. He went, he went as far as to disagree with the root our party was taking and venture off on his own to a

brothel. What? That is a very dad playing D&D move. Yeah, the campaign fizzled out soon after. Thank God. We know. I ask you judges, were we in the wrong not to bend to his every fatherly will? Absolutely not. You're a do-up-the-respector dad. Yeah, so in this dad. You are not wrong. You're at a table.

Or you're like, there's a cast of characters, only a handful of which are autonomous beings. And there's a bunch of NPCs. And you're like, no, I need to go after the living breathing humans. Yeah, I'm bored of my play things, DM. In the first half, I was like, okay, this is a little goofy, but the person just wants to play kind of a joke character. It'll go, make jokes to all the NPCs, but just the term despondent, just having

like a temper tantrum when people won't listen to you because of your bad jokes. Like, it's not even no one's laughing and you're just sitting there being like, listen to me, listen to me. And that's not dad behavior, honestly. That's what you're going to suck it out. I also kind of feel like if you're going to like out. I also kinda feel like if you're gonna be a rogue, I feel like uncles have more rogue energy than you, dad. Yeah. For some reason, I'm like bumping up against, maybe it's just my dad,

but dads are just so out in the open. Yeah, with a dad, what you see is what you get. Yeah, yeah. Oncles are duplicitous though. Do you think you know an uncle, but you don't? Like, what the fuck is your deal, Rick? You're my cousin's dad, but are you really? You had a little shed where you played with trains for a bit.

I remember Rick. What was up with that? He doesn't have the trains anymore. I don't know what he did with the trains. You can't sell that many trains. Rick? Yeah. I mean, yeah, what is what we sent in the dad.

We sent in fake dad who has insane control issues. Uh-huh. But also, the logic doesn't even add up, it's just like, I pretend to be your dad. So you do a persuasion check. And it's just like, well, what if I'm 37? I just don't wanna do what my dad tells me to do. Yeah, God dammit. Yeah, it's like a weird, I convince someone

that they're their dad, that I'm their dad, no matter what their relationship to their dad is. It really seems like a good, good go sideways. It wasn't, I don't know if it's clear, but it wasn't a well thought out character. Yeah. Well, you're varying into psychic territory. This is like you're wiping someone's mind

and convincing them you're your dad? Yeah, your dad? I know. That's not a mastermind thing. That's like a step beyond. I don't know. I feel like we have to pull a roll reversal and put this dad in time out.

Oh. Put him in the chest. Put the dad in the chest. Oh, the time out chest. Oh, that's good. If the dad in the chest? Yeah. All right, sweet.

Dad's going in the time out chest. Put him in the time out chest. We'll let him out in 20 minutes. All right. Eventually. If he's in the time out, Jess. Put him in the time out, Jess. We'll let him out in 20 minutes. All right. Eventually. If he's a real dad, he'll survive. He's a real dad. He can lift the lid.

It would have dad straight. If that is so ordered, then I think it's time for us to really do D&D Court justice. And I think that we have more than one bailiff for D&D court and I think I should read one of these. I would be honored. And if I'm going to be the bailiff, then Jake, maybe it's time you got her mote. I... Of course, you will have to swear yourself in.

swear yourself in. I don't even know what to say except I, Jake Herwood, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the players as well as the DMs against all enemies foreign and domestic. That I will bear truth, faith and allegiance to the same, that I take this obligation of my own volition and that I will well and faithfully embark upon this noble pursuit of justice so help me gods. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Still an honor. Still an honor. My favorite city in Massachusetts. Wow. Incredible.

So our next song comes from Emily R. Who is at the Wilbur tonight. No specification of location, but we love it. Okay. Good evening, your honors. We're talking to me. And the humble wise bailiff Emily. There we go. And to say humble wise bailiff. Yeah. Somebody. And may it please the agree, I bring to you the case of the Ranger Kobab, a moment. Oh, yeah.

From our first campaign that our group still talks about more than five years later, our party was fighting a massive ghost shark on a ship deck. And my character, a multi-class Phoenix Sorcerer and Paladin half-elf with an explicit fire theme. Used a fire area of effect spell to burn up the shark from the inside. This all sounds really bad so far. The first paragraph is always so good.

Yeah. Then the shark started barfing cookies. The time said that the shark was actually an oven, and all of the dough inside him became cookies. Then the shark turned out to be my dad. Was I wrong for growing? Was it wrong for punching my DM in the face? No, you weren't.

Context, they lost a tooth. OK, that's not what it says. Our dwarf, so we've got the Phoenix Sorcerer burning up this ghost shark. Burning up a shark. Our dwarf fighter took a few points of damage from the spell hurting her, but not causing significant damage. However, the fighter had previously told the party that she was afraid of fire

several times. In parentheses, didn't explain why. And in character, repeatedly told the sorcerer not to use fire. OK. The Phoenix sorcerer is all fire theme. Pit. Why? Pist off by the fire spell, the fighter

in her dope half-wear wool form. That's very diplomatic of you to say that. That's a sick, so anti-p. Attacked my character in retaliation, swiping the sorcerer with her claws. In self-defense, my character swung her sword at the fighter's legs to avoid lethal damage. In the heat of the moment, our DM ruled

that a slashing damage attack with a sword could not be non-lethal. It's in the book that you can always make it. Non-lethal, why do you want to cut this cord? Why do you want your friends to be mad at each other? Why? Ha-ha-ha-ha. Enraged the fighter attack again,

disarming my character and sending her sword. What? Flying the D. The DM narrated that the sword flew toward our elf ranger. I'm coming. This DM wants drama. Who was standing nearby? She failed her deck saving her.

Come on, wow. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics.

You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. You're making up mechanics. sword getting pinned to the wall of the ship. That doesn't, you can't even do that.

In the game. On the heels of a tough fight against the ghost shark and its minions, it was a tense healing moment to bring her back to safety. The debate over who was that fault for impaling our Ranger pal, raged on for a long time, both passionately in character and after a couple drinks, sometimes in person. Wow. Ha ha ha ha ha.

We ask you now honorable justices who should be blamed for this near death experience. Say it with me everybody, the team. Yeah. Yeah. The team. Yeah. Good. God. At first I was like, I don't know,

let's do a generous read on the fight, right? Maybe she wanted to do, have a back story reason come out later. It's still very limiting to another player at the table. Who's fire themed? Yes, exactly. Very rude. I'm afraid of fire. To just be like, and I'm not going to tell you why.

My character actually doesn't like spells. So, sorry, I have an allergy. I get really sneezing. Yeah. So, have fun tip-toeing around that. So, that was weird. Then, then it just keeps going, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it just, the fighter attacked the source.

The source are already way too much. Yeah. Yeah. I can see this happening after the battle, when they're at the campfire or something like that, just confronting the source room, you're like, hey, what you did was risk. Yeah, if you have, yes.

If you're using it as a role play thing, or even if you were like, hey, what you did was risk. Yeah, if you have like, yes, if you're using it, it's like a role play thing. Or even if you were like, yeah, like the fire goes around the ghost shark or whatever, this person takes some fire damage and they're like, I'm gonna roll with disadvantage because I look freaked out. And then like later on at the camp fire, not the camp fire, they're scared of fire.

At the camp, at the air conditioner, at the campfire, the scared fire at the camp. No more at the air. The air molder, yeah. At the air conditioned, Mordenkine and Magdester Maiden. At the Likinta later on. At the Likinta, yeah. At the Likinta, yeah. Then you can talk about like what happened

and we can reveal it or whatever. And maybe that's even an interesting story point to have like a tense fight in the fighter can't contribute because they're scared. And then they made that mistake to attack the other player and then for the DM to not only encourage it and say that you can't do non-lethal damage, which is them home-brewing stuff

to get their friends mad at each other. Then they have the flinging sword hits somebody. Yes, they have the elf ranger sitting there like eating Cheetos being like, this is getting pretty awkward between these two. I can't believe they're fighting. Geez, I hope my friends aren't actually getting that in person.

Fully, I'm gonna look at my phone. This is tense. Wait, what, Dex throw? There your DM wouldn't let you do that if you wanted to if you're like we're fighting two nobles Can I throw my sword and pin them against the wall? It'd be like absolutely not Do you have that ability? No, but when it's against your friend you might just do it by accident What's the DM generous read time? I'm putting on my generous read goggles. With, okay. Okay.

We love to generously read. Oh, they're so cozy and airtight. Let's go for a swim in the generous lake. Yeah. Damn, airtight goggles. Through the rings of the generous marsh. All right, let's try to defend this team. I'm gonna stuff my pipe with generous weed.

Was the DM like trying to teach them a lesson? Were they trying to be like, look what happens when you fight? Was it that sort of thing? To me, to me, it seems like the DM was really love in the drama. And we're like, we're all having fun here. But what if everyone was sat in upset? How about if I DM it so everyone's mad after us?

I just love that it was just someone who was definitely checked out who's associating from their friends. Oh, man. Just sitting back. What? Oh. Oh. Great session tonight, babe. All my friends hate me. Yeah, I think there was just a moment of maybe being like like this is this is really dramatic. I think this is going to be a fun tense thing and then just through all the rules out the window. To the detriment of everyone. For sure.

Okay, so who do you wanna sentence? The DM. The DM. Yeah, you think you are thinking the DM, not the half-full of Ranger? Getting involved. Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point.

They really should have passed her. They should have passed her. They're just saving throw. You're right. I mean, they're point. They really should have passed their death saving throw. I mean, they're a ranger. They should have better decks. Yeah. I mean, the fighter also, it feels like, is jumped the gun a little bit.

It's so, the time stuff is so cartoonishly over the top, though. That I don't even remember what the fighter did at this point. I guess the fighter decided that they wanted, no, no, no, the DM was the one that said it couldn't be nonlethal. Yeah, so yeah, the DM just continued to stoke the fire. It was like the fighter made the first attack. The fighter attacked the player.

Yeah. And then the DM threw gasoline. Someone doesn't sit right with me, the fighter not explaining why they're afraid of fire. There's some kind of drama brewing under, it wasn't just this session went wild, it was this fight, this fighter feels like they were. It's like if we went into the campaign

and I was like three episodes in, Bev was just like, I really don't like mushrooms. Yeah. Could you, could you? And even if he was, it'll come out later in my back story. You know, it still be like why? I'm not sure, but can we 86 the mushrooms right now? It's just like, if one of your players is literally on fire,

you have to bring it up real quick. You can't thought that faster. It's not going to be fun. Justice Herwoods, would you like to give a punishment? Yeah. I send the fighter to death He's naked under my house for life in Boston I serve for life in Boston I serve for life in Boston. It's true, doesn't it?

Hey, you don't have that anymore. It's all over. Hey, it's all over. OK, should we do one more for Justice Drake to redeem himself? Yeah, yeah. To redeem himself. The DM ass also go in the deck. OK, so ordered.

Mauricio, who is here tonight? Yay! Yay! May it please the court and the illustrious Baylev. You got that right, Mauricio. I bring to you the case of Oka, the half-orc paladin artificer. I play at a local bar that hires a DM to hold sessions

for patrons. That's cute. That's a fun idea. Where party members come and go. One player named Oka brought a home-brewed half-orc artist or paladin. Oka refused to tell us which god he worships, or what makes him a paladin.

Why? But into a third party, guess at every turn? What? Because his backstory is so cool and could be a campaign in and of itself. Oh. Buddy. Ah!

Why? The audacity. Like, guys, I feel like my backstory could be a campaign in itself. The DM! They're having a higher DM! Just DM! This all came to a head when my druid, Cletus, great name, casted detect magic to investigate a magical wagon, a hag was using to sell items out of. Oka abruptly interrupted the DM's description of the wagon

to exclaim that my character would see the magic of his necklace around his neck. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, wait, shut up everyone. Me, me, me, me, me. Require everyone's shopping for my turn. It's my turn. You're holding up shush fingers to a DM and saying, I got this.

One moment, one moment. I got this, the light of a God you can't comprehend. It's from my necklace. Standing up from his chair. Not wanting to ruin the DM's moment of explaining his bad guy's lair. I ignored Oka and continued to investigate the wagon. Later, during a long rest, I asked Oka about his necklace. That is very generous.

Very generous of you. That's very nice. I do think Oka needed a win. He rolled a deception check. Wow. And loudly said, Oka has a normal necklace. There's nothing special about his necklace. He rolled a 12-in-i-a-15, so I knew he was lying. After pointing this out, he still refused to tell me. I said, okay, and walked away. Okay, just sweating. We love the healthy boundaries. Yeah. I know. It's such a perfect way to deal with it.

It's just like, you know what? Clearly needs a win. We're going to go over. You want to talk about your necklace? Let's go over and talk about your necklace. Okay, you don't want to talk about your necklace. I'm out of here. I'm already just dreaming of an Okah Terouk campaign.

Oh my God. Oh my God. After the session, Okah pulled the DM and I aside. Do you express this appointment that I didn't try to learn more about his neck? Okah! I said how to do with his backstory. Which could be a campaign in himself.

Let's all remember. We can't let all out in one session. Or was I right for ignoring a player trying to make the story about himself? Absolutely. You're harassing an employee. It's persons on the clock. I'm really picturing Oka or the player who played Oka, having like really long swoopy bangs. They keeps like a massive necklace.

And he's just like, oh, what necklace? Oka does a deception check. I'm going to roll in front of the table. Oh, okay. Actually, he's advantage, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, Oka sent the DM their backstory. Also, I imagine you're... Hey, I think you're gonna wanna leave through this. There is a made up language in there that... I'm gonna need you to do a lingo. Yeah. We're gonna let you do the dillier notes for the week. All right.

Take your notes and just toss them out the window. Because Oka's backstory is coming out. I'm just picturing Oka sliding their like thick stack of back story under the DM screen pushing the windows inside. They're locked up all on the ground. The worst part about this is I guarantee you the reveal is going to be that Oka's God is like the player himself. Oh God. Oka is the only child of the God.. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh,'ll be a paid DM. They're like, yeah, this is awesome And then you got to talk to fucking Okah And you have to have like a sit down after about how people weren't asking enough questions Okay, like I'm doing this for a free blue moon. Hey, can I talk to you? And I didn't even get an orange Just fucking following the DM to their car

Okah, Okah didn't like the way that went. Oka actually has a magic necklace. But Oka was an actor, asking all about Oka's necklace. You're standing in front of my car door, Oka. Don't you understand the deception check was an invitation to probe deep-hat? They want? They want?

They just guarded. That's what they want to play a guarded, secretive character that people have to beg to find out about their story. I just kind of wish that this was a book about Oka instead of like some sort of cooperative game. A book. I actually think I have a great punishment for Oka. Oh.

I think that Oka should have to play with Weird Rogue Dad Player. Oh. That Weird Rogue Dad Player will use his weird skills to reveal Oka's backstory. And they can both annoy the shit out of each other. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Boy, yay. So, so good.

So good. And now, we also usually close these shows with a confession. We, this courtroom becomes a church. Which is a tradition. Not the past. Yeah, there's no separation between church and state fear. And this one is actually not a confession, but I do think that it's something that the clergy can accommodate.

I brought out my collar for it. Let me tuck mine in. I'm gonna zip up. Yeah. I'll close my robe. I don't think judges do that either. RJ Card, are you here? All right, sweet. Get him around. RJ writes, may it please the court?

I proposed to my fiance directly before your show last year in Boston. Oh! I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Please the court, I proposed to my fiance directly before your show last year in Boston. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! I must have rolled a nat 20 on persuasion. Mm-hmm. Just like that persuasive rogue dad. Ha ha ha. Because she said yes. Yeah. Oh, huh.

She said yes to learning more about your necklace. Ha ha ha. Then at the show, I caught Justice Tanner's throne, Matt 20, die. Whoa. Further proving this divine intervention. Truly. Now, in the eyes of the court, with us sitting at your judicious feet, we would like to receive

the court's official ruling on our luck and happiness from the justices themselves and physical extensions of Dice Christ themselves. We humbly await your sentencing, you're sentencing. R.J. and Megan. Oh, congratulations. Congratulations. Congratulations. I know you guys got engaged last year. Have you, are you married?

Oh. Okay. Here's something interesting. You can get married in a traditional church, but. We are. We are. I am technically ordained. I'm marrying a friend later this year. So... Oh!

So... We won't make you decide to get married on stage, but we will bless your union in the eyes of Dicecrest. Why don't we all go ahead and roll, and then the highest roll can do can give them a blessing a triple advantage. My triple advantage Here we go rolling You say quite triple advantage right? I Got a shout out to the two crew

I got an 11 which looks like two people walking down the Two one and one two people in love. Two people in love. Wow, take it. And I got a nine, which is nine. Wow, nine. Yeah, nine, nine versus on your marital bed. Yes, yes. So you got you walking down the aisle just the two of you,

and we've got a lifetime full of- Sixty-nining. Yeah, full of the half of it, 69. Yeah, just one person's not gettin' it. Right. That's just classic oral, which is pretty good. And folks, I got a 19 because next time when you get married, you're gonna get a plus one to your proficiency,

and it's gonna be a dirty 20 Yes, Pope Tanner Would you care to offer anyone has any reason that these two should not be married? Leave You should not be married. Leave. Oh, I have. Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Yay! Would you like to offer a blessing for their wedding? For their marriage? Yes. You know, there are 20 sides to every die folks. Oh, my God. Not every die. Oh, my God.

Yeah, that actually does not. Too a lot of them. Too a lot of them. Yeah, too a lot of them. Yes. Some dyes have does not. Too a lot of it. Too a lot of it. Yeah, too a lot of it. Yes. Some dyes have six sides. Some dyes have eight. You know, some of them just are coins.

Yeah, we're obsessed with flipping coins. But no matter what dice you roll, you can face any odds. And I truly believe that love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is necklace. And you'll ask each other about your magical necklaces and you'll read each other's pockets. You're gonna spend the rest of your lives learning each other's complicated backstory. Yeah. We did it. We did it. And you'll be together for let's go to the horse. That horse can count hot forever. And with that, you know what, we're feeling generous. So rather than doing the normal punishments,

putting rogue dads into trunks and whatnot. You're all gonna be expunged tonight because someone has offered to take a chrissanting for all of you. Thank you very much. Thank you Bob, that's our show. Thank you! Thank you! Born in the jerk! That's fair!