Not Another D&D Podcast - C3 Ep. 30: Old Man on the Edge of Town (Legends of Irondeep)
Episode Date: March 10, 2023Duck Team enlists a new ally to track Ultrus and save Calder! Callie goes ice cold, Sol joins the network, and Jake reveals his next character. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to ...get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.Music/Sound Effects Include:"Cracking Oak Tree" by klankbeeld at Freesound.org."A Wizard Tournament" by Emily Axford."Deadeye" by Emily Axford."Hospitably Hostile" by Emily Axford."The Pact" by Emily Axford."Balnor the Brave" by Emily Axford."A Memory" by Emily Axford."Wooded Wonder" by Emily Axford."The Purge" by Emily Axford."Cable Car Ride" by Emily Axford."Zirk Vervain" by Emily Axford."Henry's House" by Emily Axford."Winter Sprite" by Emily Axford."Oh, Melora!" by Emily Axford."The Valiant Ol' Cobb" by Emily Axford."Forsaken" by Emily Axford."Greenshade" by Emily Axford."Tundra Trudge" by Emily Axford."Winter's Mantle" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Goodbye, Sweeties.
Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.
This is not another D&D podcast.
Welcome back to Bahumia, everybody.
Welcome, MIA.
I'm your dungeon master, join. I'm your dungeon master, join.
I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy.
I was laughing because we're all very sad because of our
teacher, Jake.
Jake, her win.
Who will I be?
We shall see.
This new character is TBD.
Ah!
Oh, good.
Good.
Now we can all go back to being sad.
No sad again.
Yes, the sad campaign.
Welcome back after a little break.
We're back to being sad.
And then of course, we've got Emily Axford.
Feeling pretty steamed because my friends stuck in a dream.
Collier Pettra Carr.
Get steamed.
Yeah.
We went from sad to mad.
I like it.
That's good.
That's a mad.
Full range of emotions.
Can you round it out with glad? What? I'm always glad. Yeah, we went from sad to mad. I like that to mad full range of him. Can you round it out with glad?
What I'm always glad. Yeah, let's let's break out into gladness with cold, cold
well, Tanner. Oh, died last time and doesn't feel like making a rhyme. It's
all about with that to being sad. Yeah, it was either going to be mad, sad, glad,
or glad sad, mad.
It fuck. I forgot what we're feeling. Yeah. Well, regardless, that was bad. It was either gonna be mad said glad or glad said mad
Forgot what we're feeling well regardless that was bad
Go ahead and do a little recap
So last time I'm just gonna take a lap while you recap. Yeah, okay Just want to really need to relive this. Yeah, she steamed she punches a wall
So last time you returned to the creek with bumpy
to search for the missing old folks.
You investigated the time out tree and learned
that Glenn had been freed from his prison
by a fragmentation grenade.
After deducing that it must have been cooter,
you investigated the town square
and noticed freezing condensation outside of Eloise's stump,
which called her attributed to the cold elves.
You followed the trail, you guys remember Calder?
Dude!
I was just listening back.
You were in Soldaville, day?
Yes, I'll doville, day.
We mourned me once.
Okay, so you guys followed the trail, which brought you to Kooters' home on the edge of
town.
Beneath a rug, you discovered a passage to a basement bedroom, which Callie figured out
was Glenn's.
You read his journals, and learned that his plan to unite the elves through war has been
brewing for a long time.
He tried to do it for the first time when the Crick was still in the living wood, campaigning
to the old folks to vote for his cause.
The main target of this was the dream druid Eloise,
who was hesitant to join him at first,
but after having a vision that saw Glenn
wearing a crown and leading the elves,
she agreed to help.
However, the vote didn't go glen's way anyway,
because Kooter voted for peace,
and his family was shattered.
As you came to the realization
that Eloise was working with Glen,
you began hearing cries from Kudur. You approached him after he collapsed, but fell through a hallucinatory
terrain into a trap. There, you found yourselves in a pit surrounded by unconscious old folks wearing
strange crowns. You were then subdued by a small crew, by Eloise when Glenn descended into the pit and revealed his next plan
to gain the power of Ultras by stealing Calder's crown. You guys remember Calder?
And I kept writing that in.
No, that's improv. That's improv, baby. That's just me being cruel.
Just teasing me. Yeah.
He wanted to... Yeah, thank you, honey. Yeah. He wanted to.
Funny honey.
Yeah, thank you, honey.
Thank you, my honey.
You fought valiantly, but the attempted heist quickly escalated into an attempted murder.
When Saul was knocked out and rolled a one on his death save.
You remember Saul?
You guys remember Saul?
He's still here, kind of.
Yeah.
Calder made an offer to Ultras.
He goes, remember, Calder.
Calder made an offer to Ultras
that he would be his vessel
if the giant would help his friends
and Ultras agreed.
Ultras then entered the battlefield
and pummeled Glen, forcing the druids to retreat.
Yes.
Yes, finally a good thing.
With Glen backed into a corner,
Cali cast Compel's duel on Ultras,
saving Glenn's life, unable to effectively attack anyone,
Ultras walked off into the woods,
with Calder trapped in his helm.
You guys remember Calder?
But Callie managed to steal a hair from his head.
Only behumia kids remember.
Ah.
Only 90s kids remember Calder.
The remaining two of you, a costed Glen who spilled the beans on his plan, now that he
was abandoned by his co-conspirators, the crowns on the old folks were protecting a curse
that was trapping them in a dream, and they can't be removed without killing Eloise.
But there is a potential work around to save Mima if they found her familiar Mama.
You rushed off to do so, finding the dire possums surrounded by the bodies of cold elves,
and the injured cooter who resisted a Gaos spell to feed her a good berry.
After you healed them, Mama set to waking up Mima from her trance while the two of you kept
a close eye on Glenn and noticed Ultrasus footsteps heading out of the creek.
And that's where we are now.
So Sal and Kali, you are holding hands as you watch Mama in a trance trying to use her
connection to Mima to awaken her from the dream.
Kudur is there, but still injured and licking his wounds, and Glenn is being guarded by Saul,
but Glenn looks drained.
He's just looking down, and does not look like he's got a lot of fight in him right now.
And a moment later, bumpy returns with a squad of rangers.
You see a bunch of archers pop out of bushes nearby.
Some of them immediately swoop in and scoop up,
mom on, cooter to rush them off
or healing while the rest begin surrounding Glen.
You see Glen throws his hands up and starts walking back.
All right, I'm willing to cooperate.
We all know that it's very complicated
breaking these curses and what not.
Can I just punch him until he's unconscious?
That's awesome.
Yep, you just jump on Glenn.
You punch him out in one punch.
I turn off my emotions and watch this with an intellectual curiosity.
How interesting.
Very interesting.
God, the fist can do beautiful things.
That man's open mouth is a liability in a weapon
until he is behind the strongest bars
that the crit can offer.
I don't wanna hear anything else from him.
I know that as juridic people,
you probably don't have a lot of metal here,
but like whatever cage you can build,
you have to promise me it can contain him.
Because if I see him for any longer,
I might do something that I won't be proud of.
You hear a voice booming overhead go.
That makes two of us.
And there's a great rustling in the trees
as a dark figure swoops in overhead,
briefly blocking the moonlight.
And you see big bev in black dragon form,
descends from the sky
and lands in position with his claw pushing Glen into the ground.
And you see Glen starts to come to gasping under the pressure of Big Bev.
I think I like maybe leaning to Big Bev and I'm just like,
look, I fucking hate this guy, but maybe show him a little bit of clemency
for the sake of Couta.
Go ahead and give me a persuasion check.
Okay.
And you could do it with advantage,
Big Bev likes Coutre too.
Okay.
25.
As you whisper that to Big Bev,
you see he still got his eyes on Glenn, but nods, and he goes,
you're lucky, you're real lucky. The only reason I'm not killing you is because I like your daddy.
Wow, it looks like your father really continues to be a hero. Yeah, yeah, he's a real good guy and you
better hope that he lives a nice long life because the day he does I'm coming
for you. So I'd get a head start and get the fuck out of the crick. Yeah, and Big
Bev scoops him with a wing and tosses him out into the woods about a dozen feet.
Glenn crashes into a tree, then hits the ground and scrambles to his feet,
kind of looks around, not sure where to go,
sees angry crick-elves in all directions with bows drawn,
not a friend in the world,
but he kind of looks over to you, Cali,
the person that he's kind of always been able to manipulate.
Cali, please tell them, Tell them they're being unreasonable.
I think I finally see him for what he really is, which is just pretty poison.
So I think I just chill my passions and avert my gaze.
Callie, you look away and you are the only person not looking at Glenn as just a bunch of
angry rangers stare him down keep their bows drawn and Callie you feel this
coldness in your heart as your attachment as your impatuation with this person
finally finally dies you finally let it go And as Glenn sees that he's not winning you over,
and all of the elves are standing ready to attack, you see Big Bev lurches forward,
smoke coming out of his nostrils, and Glenn kind of just backpedals and takes off
into the woods. Looking, but back. God, I'm glad to be done with that.
I think I'll watch him run the whole way away again from a place of intellectual curiosity
and like quieting any other emotions.
Yeah, I think Cali, as you're looking at Glenn, you look down and you see that, yeah,
your hands are beginning to frost a bit
and Saul, you even feel Cali's hands are cold.
I don't stop squeezing them.
I just squeeze them in sadness and rage.
Saul's eyes kind of flick up to Cali to check on her face.
Yeah, she's doing, but I don't stop squeezing.
So it is important for everyone to know
that I was holding Cali's hand the entire time.
You were fighting with Glendir.
You guys were also holding hands in one hand, the other hand with your friend.
Friend and phone, that's where you have to hands phone.
Hold hands with your friends, but hold hands with your enemies.
I make you see my eyes are glazing over and I'm humming a song.
Yeah.
She's fine.
With my other hand petting Foster.
Warrr, wrarrr, wrr.
Foster's a little, Foster's feeling a little sad,
but is cuddling up between you guys.
I'll say he goes and sits, hides his feet
and does the little duck sit on your hands,
kind of hovering in the middle.
Oh, I love when he does this.
He looks like a little telephone, definitely.
Warrr, wrr, wrr.
Because I can normally see that. He's like a naughty little bird.
He starts shaking.
Let me dial on him.
Hello.
Are you there?
I break into tears.
I start breaking into tears.
I just started breaking into tears.
I just started breaking into tears.
I knew she was going to do it, but it still hurts.
I couldn't think of another it, but it still hurts.
I could have been a little bit more serious.
It's the worst prank all the time.
It's just a sad call.
Can you call the hat?
And with that, we are going to do a little time jump.
So you guys are taken by the Crick Elves,
who thank you profusely.
They take you off to a guest stump
and there you are treated for your wounds
and given some time to rest.
I think I refuse to have a private room from Saul.
Oh, yeah, there's luckily you're at the crib.
There's not a ton of privacy here.
Right now I don't wanna let my eyes off of anyone.
So yeah, you see, Saul does get trapped in a hat,
kidding.
You guys are pretty cool too. I even linked it outside the bathroom.
So, can I get an auditory confirmation that you're still alive?
Okay, thank you.
Foster's doing the pet thing, just sitting in the bathroom with Saul.
Just looking at you.
All right.
Remember, Oprah and Kasey threw that duck.
I know, the duck is kind of averting its gaze.
So, yeah, you guys inside this guest's dump see that there's like a twisted staircase
that winds up the interior of the hollowed out tree with a little balcony that you can
sit out on the second floor.
And on the first floor, there's a warm hearth and a couple of cozy beds and you can hear
Nannerfly buzzing out in the woods.
I think I'm drawn to the balcony because I'm not feeling very warm these days.
Yeah.
I'm enjoying the Chris Bear.
Yeah.
You guys go out and sit on the balcony.
I think we have to leave like, immediately, like, I mean, we can take a night, but we should
leave in the morning.
Yeah, I mean I imagine some of the druids here might be able to point us in the right direction,
have some sort of tracking capabilities maybe one of the Rangers but yeah as soon as we're
restored and revived we gotta get going. Yeah we've got to keep up with a giant stride. Yeah
where do you think he's going? I think he's going to the north.
I think he's going to the frigid north.
I think he's going all the way up.
I guess that's where we're going to.
You know what?
Actually, I have a bit of hope.
Yeah.
I've come up with the perfect flower
I'm going to give to him when I find him.
Oh.
It's called Glory of the Snow.
And it's this bright blue flower that's like shaped like a star.
With like white in the middle that's like so bright that it sort of like sparkles in the frost.
That's incredible. Can you just like make one of those?
I make one.
Yeah, one of these flowers emerges from her hand.
This, we're giving him this.
Yes.
This fucking flower is a fucking promise that we're gonna find him.
That is perfect.
So it looks for like a jar or something to like put this flower in.
Great, yeah, there are jars all around the guests stump.
Yeah, you empty out some ingredients for food.
And put in the flour.
Yeah, we need food.
We need flowers for hope for finding our friend.
Yeah, we put this in a little jar and maybe attach it
to a walking stick or something.
So it's guiding our way.
Great.
Perfect.
So you guys jar this flour that you're planning on giving to Calder once you get it Great. Perfect. Yeah, so you guys, yeah, jar this flower
that you're planning on giving to Calder
once you get it back.
I think, like, as we're winding down,
I do say to Cali, I say, when we meet Ultras,
I'm worried.
I'm worried I'm just gonna go down again.
I'm worried I'm gonna fall.
When things get tough for whatever reason,
I'm just always the first one to go.
But I think like falling isn't the important part, right?
They say it's the getting back up.
That's the important part.
And you're really good at doing that.
Well, that's because I've got you two to give me potions at every turn.
And I'm just worried that one day you won't be there.
I'll need to be the one that stands up without you.
I don't worry for that day.
I do. And I'm going to find a way to make sure that that worry never even comes to the
surface.
Okay?
Yeah, I bet you will. I'll believe it.
Yeah, I don't know if you have another flower of hope for me, but as you say that to Kali, Saul, you feel a rush of warmth in your chest
from the mushroom that that Trumrot gave you. And from it, you feel the spores in your body begin
to kind of attach to the veins and almost gross stocks. You feel like blood rushing to your hands,
to your fingertips, out of which form a new bulb,
a new mushroom.
Oh.
Don't you get it?
You don't need a flower.
Mushrooms are the great decomposes.
They proceed rebirth.
They spring out of death.
Yeah.
It's all going to like sit down and just
try and like commune a little bit. Yeah. Like the spores and like the network all around
here. Great. Go ahead and give me a let's say wisdom check. You can do religion or just That is a nat 20.
Wow!
Okay, okay.
So Saul, as you reflect and Cali, you're watching from the outside, there are, you know,
mushrooms and different fungi and stuff around this stump and like outside the window and
you see from the balcony, things begin to kind of
rise and point towards Saul as he is joining this fungal network. And Saul, you feel this connection to
all of these things around you, like this deep, deep connection. And in this moment, you feel like no one could kill you, that
you could not die, that you could not go down.
I think I whisper in my mind, thank you, Shroom Rhyde.
With that, you break from the trance, and you see the fungi around you kind of goes back to normal.
But you do still have this.
You have this strange sense of kind of just like knowing where things in the woods are right
now that you wouldn't otherwise know.
You just, you've never had a more awareness of your surroundings than right now.
It feels like you got intel from like a hundred Rangers.
Well.
Did you just drop into the net?
What?
I'm in.
I felt everything.
I felt the elves, the animals.
I think I felt elves or an igneous too.
I could feel like almost not their heartbeat,
but like something beyond that.
Like, they're soul, but not their soul.
I don't know.
But you have like a piece of shroom on now. Didn't they all say that he couldn't die?
Yeah. That he rejoined the network.
That's right. Um, I think it's all like kind of looks at his fists and they still
inflate a little bit, but now I think they have kind of like a bioluminescent glow
to them, like the mushrooms do.
Red.
I think I could be on, something here. Yeah, you see, as his hands kind of glow here, you feel like you can just see like a little
bit of the outline of the bone and stuff and around it are little fungal networks, beginning
to form, beginning to grow.
And I will say this all, getting a nat 20 and kind of connecting
to the forest here. Yeah. You get a message not in words, but just like a knowing that
Altris is heading for the Iron Deep Mountains. There's one more thing, Galley. I felt him.
Yeah. All around me I felt life and death, but walking between those kind of crushing it between
icy cold feet I felt him.
He's going to iron deep.
Okay, then we'll go to iron deep.
Yeah.
Great, let's get some sleep then.
Yeah.
Great.
And with that, you all go to bed.
It has been the same.
It has only been 24 hours since you fought the king.
It has been an insane 24 hours for a duck team.
You see, yeah, Foster is a magical being that does really need to sleep, but passes out
instantly and loudly snores.
As you guys both go to bed for the night.
When they lay my head on foster, like he's one of those squishy,
aw, squish mellow pillows.
Yeah.
You, you fall asleep after a bit, uh, a little bit fitfully at first,
but eventually you guys have this exhaustion deep in your bones and you
eventually fall asleep.
And Cali, you don't trans tonight.
You actually, you actually fall asleep, but you do wake up
after, after a few hours, like three or four hours when your trans would normally be done.
You see, the sun has still not risen. It's still the early hours of the morning, but go ahead and give
me a perception check. 19. 19. Cali, as you, as you wake up and kind of sit up in your bed, you see little snowflakes gathering
on the window, so.
Is that normal for the prick?
Absolutely not.
I think I put my frosty hands up to the window and I guess maybe...
...I'll open up the window and I get out the window.
Sweet, yeah.
It's a cobbin' snow.
Yeah, you um...
...slide open the window here and you climb out.
And you see that snowflakes are falling from the sky, but only specifically...
...around this area of the stump.
And it is eerily quiet.
It is eerily quiet at the creek.
It would seem that many of the people that we're dealing with all of the various crises
around town have finally gone off to bed.
All you hear is the quiet creaking of trees near this stump out in the woods.
And you see the tree closest to the stump
where the snow is kind of falling around,
begin suddenly losing its leaves.
The leaves begin falling slowly at first,
but then it begins quickly shedding them.
And in the bark, you see the face of Oberon.
Um. Oberon? The season is changing.
In the Craig?
In you.
I think I hold up my frosty hands and look at them and say, yeah, I've kind of been noticing
that. I think seeing my mother in your vision that you shared with us sort of brought her memory
back really vividly.
Hmm, wonder is it time to remember?
Yeah, right?
Yeah, she would say that, It's like a time of reflection.
I guess that also...
I don't know if you remember Colter.
Do you remember him?
Of course.
He was the not frog.
I'm familiar with the three of you.
Oh, right. You've been spying on us.
Not spying.
Well, um... Do you remember his helm? Indeed. Oh right, you've been spying on us. Not spying. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and it feels like it's changing me from the inside. A member of your pack is missing. Passion has gotten you far.
A good thing for the springtime, but times are lean, and you hunt dangerous prey.
Winter is when the crops are fallow, so you have to learn to hunt.
And Calli, you notice frost growing all up your arms.
And some of the flowers begin to die.
I just become to flower, but I think that I see this and I think for the first
time I'm like ready to reconnect with the day wild and my mother. So I think I let the
transformation happen. I think I close my eyes and hum this little tune, just a little little
little by my mother used to sing and transform into a winter eladron.
Yeah, Callie, you...
Sting image of my mother.
See snow begin to come down all around you falling heavier now and settling into your skin and Callie as you transform into a winter
ladren, what do you think you look like? So I think that my watery body, it doesn't become like
glassy like ice. I think that it's textured like the fern patterns that Frost makes on a window.
the fern patterns that Frost makes on a window. And I think that all my flowers are replaced by
like buried juniper twigs and winter plum blossoms.
And I think I smell like pine and winter greens.
And I think that everywhere I walk, there's like the faint sound of like how
Oberyn has like the creaking of wood. I think I've like the faint sound of singing ice.
Yeah, you hear this kind of low creak as you step through the woods here and even beyond like you
stepping on leaves, there's something more to it than that, something deeper. And Oberon nods as much as he can, the tree kind
of just sways, and he goes, hmmm, is so too.
It really does.
For now, do not make your mother's mistakes and let this become permanent. There are
Alatrin who steal themselves to survive the hard times. But there are others who make
the times hard themselves. I think as soon as you say, don't make your mother's mistake,
it goes from me remembering her humming this lullaby to me,
bedside, to her in her cell, waiting for her execution,
humming it to herself.
And I feel a little terrified. Do not wander long in the snow.
Glide be petrified.
And you see his face disappears into the park
and the tree begins to regrow its leaves
and the snow is gone, except for the frost around you.
I think I spend the rest of the morning outside.
Yeah, you spend the rest of the morning outside,
and you see the sun rises, and it feels a little bit colder,
like the start of a new season.
And you go back into the stump after the sun rises and you see a saw begins to
stir awake and saw you open your eyes to a somewhat stranger in the
stump. Cali were you cold last night? I feel like I could get nearly enough blankets. Whoa! That might have been me. Who's Juniper Berries?
Yeah, they grow in the winter.
You're looking incredible.
Thank you.
I think I'll really compliment the silver serpent.
Oh yeah.
Maybe even more so.
Yeah, so you guys reunite and as you go about your morning,
you are visited by some Crick messengers, and I'll even say that bumpy stops by to fill you in on what's
been going on. You guys learn that the Crick Druids were able to use the Mama
loophole to save Mima. Last night, so the crown that was placed on her head wouldn't
allow other people to target her with spells, but they were able to target Mama and Mima was awoken and able to take the crown off herself. And once she came to,
she immediately began work on saving the other three old folks who are still stuck in this
dreamscape. They are all safe, but they will not be out of their dream until Eloise is found.
So these old folks are left in the care of guards, while you hear that Big Bev has left
with a team to go out and track down the rogue druids, so it sounds like that part is being
taken care of.
And as you guys are getting ready to leave,
you're all packed up and everything,
you see that, Mima approaches the guest stump
as you guys are walking out.
Oh, hey, how are you feeling?
I feel all right, overwhelmed, obviously, but,
but I'm doing great.
Thanks to you, thank you all so much for everything
that you've done for the crick. And I'm so sorry for what happened to call there.
It's okay. We're gonna find him. We know where he's headed.
Yeah, he said it to Iron Deep.
Iron Deep. Got it. Okay. Well, I know somebody who knows about giants that has fought pretty much every kind of monster that there is in Bahomia. He especially knows a lot about
the Iron Deep Mountains. I think I've got somebody who could, oh great.
Good guy to you there. That would be fantastic. Yeah, I mean, if we're going to be pursuing
Ultras, we need all the help we can get, I think. Right. Well, he's a little bit temperamental these days.
He's a little shy, but I think we can convince him. He's really your best bet here. We're friendly. And I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like,
I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, three people likes us. That's good. That's good average. Yeah. All right. Well, why don't we get going? Okay. You see, Mimaw leads you out into the forest,
even further out than Kuders' Stone. Well, Kuders' place was on the edge of town,
but this is straight up in the middle of the woods. And after passing thick green
trees and trance, you find a broken down airship covered in moss and grass.
There is a giant crack in the hull and clothes lines up on the deck with various drying clothes
and belongings, squirrels and chipper monks make their homes in the various little cracks,
and you do see that there is some smoke coming out from a chimney attached to the captain's
quarters. The windows are boarded up, you can see a little light coming from inside.
Oh, this thing's ancient. I've actually seen models like this in like textbooks and you see
Mimaw and kind of this frazzled state goes up and just starts banging on the hall.
Hey big guy, it's Mimaw. I got some people that want to meet you. You see
the light in the cabin turns off. We saw the light. It turns back on. It pertains like
he's retired, but I saw him out fighting against Glenn's army. Buddy, I saw you out there
yesterday. You were wearing a mask, but you stand out like a sore thumb
That wasn't me. So now we know you're there fuck oh
Is this guy why is he being so weird tail you himself?
Hard one sure foot
Opens the cabin door a crack
So I do a perception check on the crack. Yeah, go So I do a perception check on the crack.
Yeah, go ahead and do a perception check.
It's going to be a 12th.
OK, it's mostly dark.
Mima gestures to Callie and Saul and goes hard one.
This is Saul Bufo and Clivey Petracore.
They are headed into the Iron Deep Mountains. and I thought maybe it would be good for all
of you if maybe you served as their god.
Hard one?
I'm sorry, did you say?
Hard one?
Like a D hard one?
No.
Wait, what hard one are you talking about?
I'm talking about in the Feywild.
There's the story about this guy.
Hard one, sure foot, that he started a war
between these sunflower trolls and we lost a bunch of pixies because of it.
Hard one opens the door a little bit more. What happened?
I had not heard about that. I had just seen a copy of this ship in the Launchpad Museum,
and I'm piezing it all together, but that sounds way more interesting.
Yes. Hard one is one of the Titans of Bohemia.
He, along with my daughter, Moonchan Sabin.
And you haven't heard of her.
She was kind of part of that troll thing as well.
What?
Yeah.
You wiped out love, Pimsy.
I think she was the first one to grab the zoo, though.
Yeah.
Oh, it's a good thing.
That it was me.
You're sort of like an anti-hero, that.
Yeah, really.
Jake, go ahead and describe your character.
Go ahead, Lee.
So yeah, hard one, hard one at this point in his life,
he is about 80, 90.
Hard one is technically like 230 years old.
He was about 30 years old in the first campaign.
He's about 230 now.
But you guys saw in Cali, look at Hard one
and he looks like a middle aged half-elf.
So something's up, something's going on with him.
He should be dead.
But go on, I'll describe your character.
Okay, so I'm not dead.
And even though hard one is six foot six, he is just not standing as tall.
His chest isn't puffed out, his shoulders are kind of hunched, and his clothes,
which used to hug every inch of muscle on his body, they're hanging a little loose, especially
in the calf and quaggy region. His pants look a little baggy. His beard and hair are
kind of like wild and untamed, unbreded in the dwarf and fashion that are usually.
I whispered, I whispered a soul,
I must have made a witch's bargain.
I'll just put it in the chest.
Yeah, it's probably why I got rid of all the pixies
and then he got longer life.
He's not making the most of it.
I thought that was why his pants were baggy.
Oh, actually, yeah, he could have gotten,
he could have wished for baggy a pack.
Mimo, what are they whispered about? Is that like the curse though? It's, he could have wished for baggy a pack. Mimo, what are they whispering?
Is that like the first though?
It's like he gets longer life with baggy or pants.
Every year of his life that gets longer.
Which is a trick.
You can't really hear anything because the doors only open a crack.
It's like in a hard way.
No, he's been doing a lot of traveling on the astro plane.
When you're on the astro plane, you don't need to eat or drink or sleep and you don't
age.
So he's a half ill.
So he should be about 230 years old,
but he's only aged to be about 80 or 90.
And he insists that he's retired,
but really he is just taking a little break.
And I think he could use a little time
outside of the boat.
Isn't that right, hard one?
I am enjoying my golden years.
He's, you're so young though, hard one, you haven't.
Not at heart, not at heart.
I feel that.
I feel that.
Okay, everyone.
Yes, can really weigh on you.
I agree with that, but maybe we can all list.
Just subject to it.
Okay, here is the friend.
You lose a friend.
You gain 10 years.
Yeah, we can hang.
Yeah, you guys need to spend a few years on the boat?
I'm telling you, it goes well.
I can't get the door in.
All right, all right.
Where do you go to, Mo?
I'm looking for a moping blanket.
Geez, everything was broken but that door.
Yeah, hard one.
Do you want to explain the, as everybody hops onto the boat
and kicks the door in?
Do you want to explain what the interior of the boat
looks like these days?
Yeah, I would love to.
So this boat was never really pristine or anything,
but a hard one is kind of like a pack rat.
So he's collected a lot of like cool stuff
over his adventures, but it kind of looks like a flea market
meets a college dorm room now,
because he spent the last like three years letting himself and the interior of the boat go.
I see we're doing this Cinder block bookshelf.
Yeah.
That's good because you could put all the cans of beans on it.
Saul like peaks into the bathroom and sees that there are grooming products are just not
being used.
They're all they're all piled in the same.
Alright, I thought maybe everybody could help
like bring each other up,
but I also don't want everyone to help kind of
each other.
No, Kalibe is eating a kid in a beans.
In the corner wearing a blanket.
Those are the good beans.
Hold on, let me get you a bigger spoon.
There's dinner every night at the bonfire.
He invite you.
Where is my hospitality?
Callie, you said, can I get you a bigger spoon for the beans?
I'll be using my hands.
Let me get you a bean spoon.
Yeah.
You're hard to start kicking a bunch of buckets.
Shit, it's here somewhere.
I noticed you had a lot of bugs in your beard.
You know what I mean?
Did it just like pluck those out for you? There's bugs in the beard.
Yeah, it's a couple crawling around in there.
Are you saying that?
Because you want to help me or because you're hungry
from that.
You know what, kid, things people.
Why can't we be sad, but also going on an adventure.
Okay, you eat the beans, you eat the bugs.
All right.
Do you have any aspirational magazines?
I could just really self-flagelite with aspirational magazines.
Yeah, you know, just like with articles of people who are doing really well.
I have an old maxim.
I'm looking for hot people who are doing better than me.
A hard one roosts around his.
You don't mind me spilling beans on.
I open the cabinet to my bathroom.
There's a bunch of maxim and Magnesians there.
Are you stealing Petri's Maxums again?
Just the, just the Jessica Simpson ones.
All right.
All right.
He has a sadness in her.
All right.
I need to be getting back to it.
The old folks that need to be tended to, we should be able to keep them safe.
But I got to get back to the rest of my people, but hard one
our friends here Cali and Saul are visiting they defeated
King Duratar they they beat the hot king of the blue dragon Elbs
So these are real seasoned adventurers, but they do not know their way through the iron deep mountains and
seasoned adventurers, but they do not know their way through the Iron Deep Mountains,
and they've got a giant that they're going after.
So I thought maybe you could, at the very least,
impart some wisdom on them.
So with that, I'm out.
You see she turns into a bird.
Me too.
I hold up an empty can of beans.
I crack another.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Don't ever let me see the bottom of this bean
As Mima flies away easy on the beans
Let's let's solve our problem right you tell the beans to be easy on me
Let's not try out our problems in beans. Yeah, a diet of bugs and beans. There's got to be diversity. I understand
Yeah, a diet of bugs and beans. There's gotta be diversity.
I understand.
All right.
Mima flaps off.
And you guys are left in the very sad bachelor pad of what you, I mean, Cali, you are from
the Feywild, so you do have like storybook adventures come true like every day and insane
things happen.
So you know, hard one's hard one.
He's like just another kind of hero that you've heard of.
He's a pixie exterminator.
He's a pixie exterminator.
We'll add that to my nickname list.
And Saul, you would definitely know hard one
and moonshine and Beverly from your time at Launchpad and stuff.
Right.
He had defeated the cleric Theala.
Yeah, I think I like think back to the like illustration
of hard one in the book that I read
and then I look at him currently and I'm like, yeah, she's still got it.
I do a weird thumbs up.
Without breaking eye contact with Jessica Simpson.
I'm a hard one.
I hate her.
So did she fight alongside the possum?
We saw a really good puppet show about possum.
Who Jessica?
No, she was on it.
Oh, you mean you.
Oh, me.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, did I?
Yeah, I did.
I-
The puppet show gave the possum all for credit.
The possum deserves a lot of credit, so yeah.
The puppet show sounds like it did the possum justice.
Okay.
I go back to studying Jessica Simpson's sad eyes.
I wonder what happened to her.
A hard one clears off some maxims from his futons and takes a taxidermy crow off a chair.
Here, sit.
Thank you. I can't even throw off a chair. Here, sit, sit.
Thank you.
I'm not sure why Mimal thinks I can be helpful,
but if you have any questions about the Iron Deep Mountains,
it's where I come from, I know them well.
Okay.
I mean, if you are the hard one, sure,
but I'm sure you can be tons of help.
We're looking for a giant that stole our friend.
His name is Ultras.
Ultras. Yeah. Do you know him? I know of Ultras. And if he is the kind of
giant I think he is and I think I know why he'd be going too iron deep. He's
trying to forge an alliance with the Fire Giant. They live under the mountains there. Fire giants? The fire giants. I didn't
realize that there were fire giants, I thought there were just dwarves and iron deep. The fire
giants are there. They've always been there. They are in the mountains before iron deep. Oh,
okay. Well that doesn't seem great. Yeah, we should probably stop that alliance
because to be truthful with you,
because Jessica Simpson is inspiring.
She's watching us, you know, so freely.
Because she is so honest about who she is, you know,
and I really like that.
She puts it all out there.
Remember the chicken of the sea, too, and the thing?
She's got a clue about that.
It was vulnerable.
I really admire how much you can get from so little, Kylie.
Anyway.
Let's keep this poster up, really.
Hi.
Jessica Simpson, he brought on my face so that I can talk,
but it looks like it's coming through her mouth.
Oh, come on.
Jessica, you barely touched your beans.
It's cool.
Anyway, to be as naked as Jessica Simpson is willing to be for Maxum, I'm going to tell
you that we're already not sure that we can even take on Ultras, let alone some sort
of giant alliance.
We need to sequester him and fight him on his own. Okay, Mima told me to tell you everything I could about Iron Deep, the mountains and
Ultras I suppose.
So I guess I'm doing that by telling you not to go.
Ultras is too powerful, the mountains will kill you if the mountains don't kill you,
Ultras will kill you. Okay, I'm sorry, it's absolutely not an option the mountains don't kill you, Altrus will kill you.
Okay, I'm sorry, it's absolutely not an option
that we don't go.
Our friend is stuck in his helmet.
Oh, okay.
I'm sure this is like something you've experienced before.
Never trying to remember, it's been 200 years.
I don't think I've ever been stuck as anything,
even briefly.
Guys, gotta give me inside jokes.
Yeah. Shout out to the two crew me insight, Jace. Yeah.
Shout out to the two crew.
Okay, that's a 15.
Okay.
Kale, you think me.
I look at him and I'm like, yeah,
because you're so busy, Ben,
because yourself, I feel that.
I feel that.
Yeah.
But Sal is up.
You sense that he is kind of projecting a bit.
The hard one, Shorefoot, that you learned about
and everything would never say not to do something
because it's too dangerous, even though it's the right thing.
Mr. Shorefoot did something happen out there
in the astral plane, like you?
Not to be forward, but you don't really seem
like the hard one that I've learned about
Yeah, well that was that was a different a different time. I was a younger half-elf then and
Maybe there was a time when I would have wanted to go out to the iron deep mountains and help you guys
Save your friend, but we didn't even ask you that
Old me would have done if you're the one to bring it up, I would love to have you.
You were clenching your fist as you were speaking about it.
Yeah, it just made me think about all the good times I had in the mountains, but those days are over.
I am retired and happily retired in my dad.
So it looks at the poster of Jessica Simpson with beans on her mouth. I
Cut a little hole so I can eat it through her mouth. Oh, I wish you wouldn't have done that to my Jessica Simpson poster
It's a beautiful painting. Who commissioned this? I can't believe you guys have ruined dark ones for your production
I'll may have like 40 more of those
Jessica Simpson and beans on the heaven. Now you get why I don't want to leave.
I mean, if, look, I would have never presumed to ask, but I mean, now that you've casually
mentioned it, it makes me think that it's crossed your mind, which makes me think you don't
have a scheduling conflict, which makes me feel confident enough to be like, hey,
what's up? Do you want to go to the mountains with us?
Yeah, the truth is all of the other elves are super busy right now because there's like a million things wrong in the living wood
and I think like you might be our best bet at like figuring out how to get through iron deep and survive.
And also like, we look like a duo, but we want to be a trio again.
You know, the way the way you said, do I like want to come to the mountains?
The way you said all the other elves were busy does make me kind of consider
the idea.
But your first choice, let me be clear. I...
It's okay, I respect your space.
I just don't want to be a liability.
Okay.
Well, do you mind if I just kind of like hang out here and sort of like, I don't know, eat some beans and look at Jessica.
This is a great cabin for doing both of those things. Okay, so I'm going to go out to the,
is there like a patio I can use? A balcony? Yeah, I'm going to go up to the poop deck,
bring my beans and Jessica Simpson.
Oh God.
And then I want to find serpent.
Oh.
And have my serpent attack me.
Basically use my fine steed and have it attack me.
So that year's it.
Kelly, you've been saying.
So I'm like, I saw you at a home gym.
Yeah, there's the kettlebell there.
It's kind of greasy with bean juice, but it's better.
Oh, Kelly, outside you see this.
It's super serpent.
Kelly, Jessica!
It's super innocent.
The deeply sad eyes is nipping at Kelly.
Saul.
Oh my God.
I accept her for accepting as a lover.
Hard one, give me an inside check with disadvantage.
Can I make a deception check?
Yes.
Okay.
Saul, I'll say, you know that the serpent would not attack.
If she does well under deception,
can you say she winked at me?
I definitely do.
24.
22.
Whoa!
Okay, so hard one.
You feel like you've got a great read on this situation.
Some kind of, you've heard of all this stuff
with like, Sawyer coming back to the Creek and everything. This must have been some kind of, you've heard of all this stuff with like, Sawyer coming back to the Crick and everything, this must have been some kind of
assassin sent by Sawyer to destroy the remaining heroes of the Crick.
You see the serpent is going after Callie.
Quick, Hardware, that's our greatest foe!
Not on my boat.
I'm gonna crash us through the decking.
Draws his grade acts.
Oh, sick, yeah. Hard one pulls out the axe, runs over to this serpent.
You look so you can serve, Galley.
I whisper, I love you so fucking much.
I'm gonna call you back tomorrow. I promise.
You see the serpents nods. I go ahead and make an attack.
Oh, hard one.
So it does the whole alone gesture with his, he puts his hands on his jeans.
I rolled a net.
I rolled a net one on my first try.
What?
Ah!
Ah!
Hard one, there's too much bean juice on the ax.
Is there a way I can give hard one
Bartik inspiration without him knowing I did it?
I'm gonna flash a really hot tip forward shot
of Jessica Simpson
You'll crease the poster serpent
Jesus God there's stashed everywhere. Okay, so with a one what is your what is your role with a one hard one with a one
that is
11 okay, so
that is an 11. Okay, so go ahead and if you use your,
if you burn a bardic inspiration,
wait, 11 hits the wall.
11 hits I would say a one would normally
auto fail on this, but I'll say that
with a bardic inspiration,
Callie inspires you.
And you begin to lose your grip on the X
because of the bean juice,
but then you just grab it with the tips of your fingers,
flip it around, the muscle memory comes back
and you swing down onto the serpent.
And you see as soon as you hit the serpent,
and Callie, you get the sense,
you like dismiss it at the same time,
serpent doesn't feel pain or anything,
it's an avatar.
I think I have it jump over the ledge and dismiss it
so that it disappears.
Yes.
So as soon as you hit it, it explodes into starfire and disappears.
I cradle Jessica Simpson, poster in my arms.
He ruined it.
He ruined it.
He ruined the show. He finally said it.
Finally admitted it.
Hard on short, but God for three years.
It's a maximum magazine collector.
Just magazines fluttering like snow all around us.
Yeah, various Jessica's and at various stages in her career.
Swirling around.
Wow, it's kind of beautiful.
It falls to the deck like snow.
Look, that was amazing.
Thank you.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't even know anyone would be after us.
Yeah, we live a pretty dangerous life.
Well, I guess so.
You know, you're lucky I was here.
At your house?
Yeah, that you don't leave?
I don't know if you guys should be alone.
Don't think we should.
No, okay.
Gone up to a poop tech and immediately
had an assassination attempt.
Yeah, and we can't keep my posters at risk like this.
Let's lock them away.
Great idea.
Okay, if anyone is gonna get you to Iron Deep, I think it should be me.
I'm so glad to hear you say that.
Um, do me one favor.
If I start to slow you down, you leave me behind.
That's not really how we operate.
Yeah, I was gonna say that's like really not what we do.
Not our style.
Okay.
Yeah.
Cool.
Alright, I'm still in.
Oh, you should meet our mascot, by the way, or our friend, I should say.
This is foster form.
Oh yeah.
I reach out this duck.
I am a bit of a bird enthusiast.
I think of the taxigurby one downstairs and take foster
bath. You can put them in my arms.
I had a bird just like foster ones.
Beanie.
I got a point of bet.
I duck.
It was a duckish.
Duckish. Have you ever seen a black duck with a pointy or a bee like a loon?
Not that but the flappy one I can't it a goose smaller
I think he's talking about the raven that was in his that's the one yeah, yeah, yeah, right, okay, right
How did that work out?
Coco lived a long and healthy life.
I think he was happy till the day he perished a old age.
But I had.
I think he was.
It's just weird that like the statue looked like it was screaming.
He thought the statue had had really old beans in its throat and it's not clear.
If that is where a hard one was storing beans.
Yeah.
Or if he was feeding Cocoans and he showed to them.
I couldn't tell because I couldn't tell if it was like taxidermy glue or like a crystallized
tear rolling down his cheek.
I shed many crystalline tears over that bird.
Anyway, we used to call ourselves the duck team.
I don't know if we can call ourselves that anymore, but we can call ourselves the crow crew in all of your cock-off
The hard one
Wells up a little bit. I think knowing cock-off as well as I did
Do you really like that?
Maybe we can bring his call so long with us.
I think I think I'd really like that.
Sure, yeah, we can make room.
It's all through us at our potion.
Hard one breaks the base off of the taxidermy burden.
Where's it like a necklace?
Jesus Christ.
I don't really need to pack, because I keep most of my stuff
in a backpack anyway.
So I'm down to go.
Okay, right now.
Okay, yeah, we're talking to me today.
Uh huh.
Oh, today, yeah.
So you think you could do that.
Yeah, let me be very candid.
I think we're gonna die.
That's what I'm saying.
It sounds like you guys are going no matter what,
with or without me.
Mr. Shurford, we have had this exact conversation
about how we think we're going to die,
like two or three times already.
Yeah, see how?
I can tell you, it'll be, yeah,
it'll be in the Iron D mountains for sure.
Okay, well, so what we do is like before certain battles
will be like, okay, if I die, leave my body.
Okay.
So that's allowed, but we don't do it like as a general thing.
All right, so if I die, leave my body, I can say that.
Yeah, we're all about like a firm like living will and trust
about like specifically what to do with the bodies,
but like we're not going to let you die.
All right.
Also, I hold out our little blue flower,
the little glory of the snow flower.
And I'm like, I know that this maybe looks like nothing to you,
but it would mean the world to me if we could get this to the guy in
Ultras' hat.
A flower for the guy in that. Yeah, simple enough.
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Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show.
Okay, okay, and I guess like, can I just use a bathroom one more time?
Yeah, you're gonna take a picture.
Yeah, you're gonna take a picture. You're the poster in there.
Usually I have Jessica Simpson stuffed it down. I just ask because there's already a bunch in there. Hahaha. Easy, I have Jessica Simpson stuffed it down.
I just asked because there's already a bunch in there.
Hahaha.
Oh, I mean, I guess let's put some beans in foster, right?
Right.
Yeah, you guys need rashes.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is a hard one would know that it's gonna be like a 10 day hike.
Wow.
Okay.
I don't imagine the airship works anymore.
Oh, this whole thing, it breaks under the darkness.
What?
He falls through into the hole.
In literally, it does not look like it just,
cause hard one, I mean, Mimaw said it herself
and hard one is said it through conversation.
That he's been here, he's only been back for three years.
This looks like it's been here for decades.
It looks like he probably crashed it here.
Like there was enough damage from probably flying
over the Iron Deep Mountains.
Yeah, I'm telling you, there's a lot of things
that can kill you there.
When was the last time you were in Iron Deep?
Three years ago, three years ago,
I gave the Queen's Hammer back to Jaina, Bronzebeard.
Oh, the ruler? The current ruler?
That's right.
Oh, a dear friend.
You...
You had the Queen's Hammer?
I think I would know about the Queen's Hammer.
Yeah.
For a long time I wielded the Queen's Hammer.
I knew you were a hero, but to give up something so precious to you. That's that's pretty big
Yeah, well, you don't just give give something up you give something up and you trade up for something new hard when it holds up a can of beans
That's right actually Bottom's up
Bottom's up See? Bottoms up. Bottoms up. Why is this guy? You...
Bottoms up.
Beans up.
I'm getting a bit bean drunk.
Got a bean buzz going.
Yeah, a couple of these cans have gone bad.
So I'm going to stick with the bugs.
Insane.
So you guys head back to the Crick Town Square with Hard One in tow.
And you guys see that as you get closer to the Crick,
a bunch of people are out and waving to,
first off, a site to see you guys because of all you've done for the Crick.
But then also to see a hard one out, there's a lot of people whispering like,
hard one's out, hard one's finally come out,
hard one's coming back to the Crick, hard one's coming back.
Hey hard one!
Hey hard one!
Hard one's visibly uncomfortable with creek. Hard one's coming back. Hey, hard one! Hey, hard one! Hard one's visibly uncomfortable with this.
What's up, hard one?
This is Shuffling's piece.
Peace, what's up?
What's up?
Anyone, you going to have your picture hard one?
Yeah, hey, Peter, what's up?
That's awesome!
All right.
That's cool.
Thanks.
This is great.
I love you here.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe.
Yeah, you get into the town square.
Mimaz kind of rushing around, trying to help everybody,
and everything, and you see Mama, the dire possum,
runs over to you, hard one,
and hops up to jump in your arms.
I go to one knee, and I catch her.
My queen.
It is good to see you well, my champion.
Do I look well?
It is good to see you,, my champion. You wanna look well? It is good to see you, my champion.
Ah!
It is good to see you, my queen.
I'm happy to see you outside of the ship.
Yeah, it was time to feel sun on my body for once.
Well, you see she looks out at Saul and Cally
and goes, you're in good hands and looks to you hard one and goes, and you are as well.
They have been integral to the safety of the Crick. Saul smiles and he's got like just so
many bugs in his teeth. For that I thank you, bug man, and being woman. I hope he smiles through the whole shit. I hope he smiles through the whole shit.
I hope he gets it.
Are you sure, before you go on this grand adventure
to get your friend back, are you sure you don't want
to leave the magazine?
Or you can, I can find it.
Don't need to the Crick library.
I can paste that to a shield for you.
I was appreciate it.
One of the peaches that was yelling,
Hey, is that my maximum?
Run.
I run. See me that my maximum? Run. I run.
Oh shit.
You see me, my turn's around.
Wait, wait, wait.
I need to take you guys to the living room.
All right, right, right, right.
I get really dodgy watching my Mac.
Our one does, is one hand on his ax.
These were communal Macs.
Yeah, you see it's been, we're about halfway through the afternoon here. Kooter is with Mimaw right now, and despite everything that's happened, he's got this
kind of like hopeful look on his face.
And you see he's looking over at hard one, and hard one he gives you a nod, because I think
that of all of the people who have probably spent
time with you over the past few years, there have not been many, but I think you and
Kudur have had a lot in common and have probably shared a flask of crick water or two over
the over the past couple years.
Yeah, I just put my hand on his shoulder and I nod.
Yeah, he pulls you in for a hug, just kind of has a private moment with you and he whispers
and he goes, I think it's time we both, we both moved on.
Yeah, it's hard to let these things go, but maybe you're right. I'll see if I can get past it.
but baby you're right, I'll see if I can get past it.
You do the same. Yeah.
No rush brother.
Mima offered me a spot on the old folks circle
and I'm gonna take it.
So next time you come back here,
I'll be with the old folks again.
It's where you belong.
Yeah.
Keep it a lot harder one. I give him one, don't you?
You give him one, don't you?
Um, and you push him off, we can call him crow bro.
Show, you can do that.
Give me that magazine.
He treat takes his magazine back.
No, I fight him.
I spied him for the maximum.
You are arrested by the Crick-Elks.
Careful, there's a serpent that's drawn to that magazine.
I asked you about one trophy of appreciation for assassinating a dragon.
All right, Peter, you have something magazine, let's you have the one.
I wish for the hard one.
This is actually an improvement over our last partner.
Really?
Yeah, a picture of a woman is much better than planned.
Oh, so here you are.
Yeah.
You see, Mima comes over to you guys.
She looks very happy to see hard one back with this crew.
She just keeps doing like the far off nod at all three of you guys.
I like this.
I like this little trio.
Hard one looks a little bit like a kid playing dress up
in his old adventure.
Yeah, you guys see, yeah, hard one has,
he's still got it to a certain extent,
but he has not been adventuring for several years at this point.
So he is definitely a little bit rusty.
But Mima opens a gate.
You see a sparkle of green magic as she tears a hole in the demi plane.
We aren't even gonna have to hike.
Is she sending us right there?
No, unfortunately you guys are gonna have to get to the mountain
but I can't get you to the living wood.
Okay, okay, okay, sorry, I just got a tag.
Oh, it's all good.
You see, yeah, you guys try.
That's how impressive.
You can, it seems pretty good.
Yeah, she rips open the world
and you guys go to another plane.
I really like a big deal of how impressed I am.
You don't have to be overly impressed.
That's not.
You don't have to do this.
I understand.
I'm sorry, Drew.
All right.
Okay, I'm like 700 years old.
You don't got to do this.
No, it's real.
This is how she sounded with the serpent.
Trust me.
The serpent.
Yeah, she was attacked by a serpent.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is assassination attempt.
You were almost assassinated by a serpent?
Yeah, a silver one if you can believe it.
I attacked it with my axe.
The hard one that's so good of you.
I'm gonna make you feel like a serpent.
The serpent almost destroyed the living wood.
It was.
He's back.
You've got it.
I think we can.
I think we can.
Although it's this kind of like weird thing that there is one that looks just like him
and is good.
It's kind of like a, you know, cane-enabled.
Right.
They're twins.
Yeah.
Yeah, so there is one that you shouldn't attack.
I've got it.
Well, yeah, we know about that one.
I've got really bad ones.
Yeah, so only good now.
Yeah. All right. Well, yeah, we know about that one. We got rid of the bad ones. Yeah, so only good now.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
She gates you guys into the living wood.
Right.
And you guys hear the skittering and chirping of nearby animals.
And she's still kind of in this frazzled, like, getting everything back.
It looked like she was literally in the process of doing a ritual to like swear kudr into being old folk again right there because
Not only are a bunch of them currently in the dreamscape, but a bunch of them are traders
So they are dwindling in numbers right now, right? So you see me ma gives you guys all hugs and goes all right
I need to get back
But I was able to get in touch with somebody to bring you to the edge of the mountain so you don't have to hike all through the woods.
Oh, that's nice.
And Mimak gives you guys a little salute
and wings that you hard one.
I toast her with a can of beans.
All right, let's go easy on the beans, everyone.
Hard one, let's not.
No rules out, no rules out the mountains.
Okay, if we're gonna be eating the beans,
let's do it as part of the adventure.
Or if we like cook them on the fire as part of us going on.
Sometimes you don't have time for a fire removal, but I think it's good.
Let's cook those beans everybody.
We're going to cook the beans.
I stand in front of the portal, hold up my beans in a cheers with my back to the portal,
and then do that thing where people bungee jump back where it's not looking. In saying, so you see that.
I'm not a desk to anything.
Mima jumps back through the portal back to the creek as it closes and you guys are in
the living wood here in the afternoon and overhead you guys hear a creature raising the
tree tops and you see a deep elf ranger and a blue-gray dragon descend from above,
and it's your old friend's Elzorn Ignis.
Oh, I was worried we weren't gonna get to see them again.
Hey, you guys need to ride to the mountains.
Oh hell yeah, I thought they were gonna send us
like a Dodge Durango or something.
This is way better.
What is a Dodge Durango?
You know a Dodge Durango is on the table.
On page 98 of the maximum.
What is maximum?
Oh yeah, yeah.
It's Jessica Simpson.
Who is Jessica Simpson?
The hoods of a dodge drink.
I think it's like an astral plane thing.
I don't know.
Okay.
Well, yes, you feel rather than bring it up in this moment,
you feel sort of a flaring of the rapport spores
that you had shared with Ellsor in the past.
And you feel sort of an understanding
about the situation with Calder.
And you feel their condolences given to you.
You just kind of feel that innately like a warmth,
like a warm hug, and Ellsor sends a message to you guys
as a message in your guys head and goes
you guys are amazing I know you're gonna get them back thanks Elzor I hope I hope your mom's okay
and I think you know what when that day comes they come like a great ruler oh thanks actually
igneous and I are the new head rangers of my uncle's old outpost Val and Boulder are rebuilding it, but my mom finally agreed that it's paramount that we have deep elves out in the woods
So I'm out of the cave. Yes, we can just ride around
You see hard what you're watching this talk. They're having some kind of psychic conversation
Cali's just occasionally saying something out loud and And you see, yeah, Elzor is just pumping their fists.
All right, shall we get going then?
Absolutely.
Elzor gestures to Agnias, and Agnias goes,
hi guys, ha ha.
Agnias!
I like you.
I like you.
Agnias lowers her neck and lowers her tail.
Hey, what's this?
Salt produces a mushroom from his hand.
Oh my goodness, that's incredible.
I'm a part of the network now, I'm a part of the network.
Yeah, so like, if you ever need anything, just let me know.
So I'm going to Iron Deep if you need anything from there.
Yeah, I'll take a new hat.
Okay, I'll be on the lookout.
I'm dragging where I'm at.
Gosh, that's gonna be great.
Hard one's slap, saw on the back.
I don't know, you were part of the network.
Yeah, it just happened.
Congratulations. I'm still getting used to it. I don't really part of the network. Yeah, it just happened. Congratulations.
They'll get used to it.
I don't really know what it means, but I can do this.
It's popping out of your mushroom out.
It's a big deal, I think you'll find out.
Wow, you know so much about a few things.
Yeah, I've picked another bug out of his beard.
Igneus is a little bit too small to ride fast
with all of you guys, but can certainly carry all of you
at like a slow pace, but is able to get
you guys up. So you see, um, yeah, you guys are all able to get onto Ignis's back with Elzor,
and she launches off the ground and into the sky above the tree tops. And you guys feel the breeze
in your hair as the sun is beating down on a beautiful day. Hard one is probably the first time you've
flown in a long time, probably since you crashed your airship three years ago. This is what it feels like. And all around
you, you guys see dragons of different colors riding safely through the sky. Before they'd
have to kind of hide out amongst the tree line, but now there is no more kind of war between
the different orders. And deep in the distance behind you, you can see the city of Esri
once again, a light with magical technology.
It looks like Mob Goblin was able to finally
get everything up and running again.
And ahead of you, you see the vast mountain range
of the Iron Deep Mountains.
The tips of the peaks are hidden behind clouds
and a fog permeates
the trails that lead through the valley. Ignis and Elzor bring you guys to the edge of the
forest and you guys dismount on the edge of a rocky trail leading you into the mountains.
And Elzor goes,
We'll have to part here. There are cloud breaker birds up ahead that will rip us out of the
sky and I need to be getting
back to my post. But be sure to stop by the living wood the next time you're here.
Well, do. And thank you for thank you for everything you've done.
And congratulations. Thank you. We're going to bring you back a hat.
Oh yeah. You're going to bring me back a hat.
Oh, right. Well, we're probably bring Elzor one too.
I'll take a hat. Okay, that'd be great.
A matchy matchy. Oh, mismatching. You bring Elzor one too. I'll take a hat. Okay, that'd be great.
That matchy matchy.
Oh, mismatching.
You know what?
Let's do matchy matchy.
I think I'm like, snapbacks or like toboggan.
I don't know what a snapback is.
Yeah, you guys are saying a lot of makeup made up stuff right now.
Yeah, it's a trucker hat.
I think I know this spot.
Okay.
Von Dutch.
Von Dutch, the saddest.
Von Dutch just not exist. There's not a dwarven blacksmith named Von Dutch. Von Dutch is not exist. Von Dutch is not exist. There's not a dwarven blacksmith named Von Dutch.
So, so this makes this for a deep elf fare well and says Von Dutch does not exist.
Elzor just looks at you, Cali. I'll see you next time.
Okay, bye.
Alright, yeah, you see Elzor and Ignis fly off.
I look to hard one. Okay, but now.
Oh, okay, right.
So they mentioned the Cloudbreakers.
John first tried to eat you.
We also have Noles who are hunting us,
starting right now every single day, every night.
They will gain on us.
So we need to outrun the Noles without being eaten
and picked apart by the cloud
breakers. We also have fire giants who may venture up, try to kill us. You've got the stone
giants who think that we are a waking dream for them and might try to crush us or trap us.
It sounded really good in the trap. Yeah, no, no, that's not good. And then, you know, not
to mention just the various pitfalls
and death traps of the mountains,
themselves, the sheer drops, the icy peaks, caves,
closing in on you and suffocating you.
So yeah, let's, well, I don't follow me.
I'm gonna be in the trips over a route.
I heard one brutally twisted stuff.
I slide the route.
Yeah. Kill it.
I'll be it done.
It doesn't go.
It's going to be it.
We needed him.
We didn't.
We didn't.
We didn't do nothing but out of it.
Because you fucking ate the roof.
Bitch.
Bitch.
Foster.
Foster.
Foster.
You head up.
You're beating it to your mouth.
You hit your head up.
Oh, you lost another friend.
I'm just dead weight, I fucking knew it.
Oh, good god. Yeah, you guys feed Arnwood Beans after Twits'
his ankle this time. A pop on sale, or man?
Yes, and you guys are at the edge of the woods here, and Arnwood leads you into the
melons. You are at the start of this rocky trail,
the greenery and lush plant life quickly gives way to rocky desert as you head into the mountains.
You feel a cold chill whipping through the canyons here and immediately your vision becomes
hazy with fog. Even the birds here seem uneasy and unlike the living wood, you hear very little life here.
And you all find yourselves on a thin rocky path, traveling through two enormous mountain ranges.
The path winds into the craggy unknown as the terrain becomes inconsistent. And as hard one has
relayed, the trip is going to take about 10 days.
And the way this is going to work with Knowles chasing after you is you guys are going to
roll a survival check at the beginning of the day to determine if you hit any setbacks.
At the end of the day, you'll do a con save to determine what your pace was factoring
in any setbacks that you faced.
So the nobles are competing against this role
to try to find you.
They will show up after three fails.
You get two fails if they beat you by more than five.
And if the nobles catch up to you,
I'll say a hard one kind of relays this to you guys.
You guys can beat a pack of nobles in a fight easily.
The problem is is that once they really get your sense,
they will keep coming night after night after night,
and you guys won't be able to sleep,
and they eventually wear you down.
A hard one, can I ask a question?
What are some of the nobles like favorite prey?
Flush.
Oh, so just.
Flush, yeah. Humanoid.
Epequid is okay.
Like an animal that they go after.
They're like wild dogs.
Like they sniff out meat and they pursue it and they tear it apart.
Yeah.
So it is humanoids is a big thing.
They can take down a giant if there's a bunch of packs of them and there's like a stone giant walking alone or something like that, they will attack animals and whatnot just, yeah, meat. I think I was like
wondering about finding an animal here because I feel like they're acclimated to the habits of
the nose and we could be like, hey, can you help us save passage? But if you think that they're more
about humanoid and giants,
that might be a waste of time.
Yeah, I think the main thing is us out running them.
Okay, great.
We just got a haul ass.
Love it, I'm ready.
Sweet, so you guys are heading to West on day one.
On both sides of your mountains that seem to get taller
and taller, the unmarked path gives way to stone
very quickly and it becomes unclear
which way you should go.
You do clock right away that there are no
and animal tracks heading in different directions, different packs. Looks like it was a few days ago,
so it's not like they're right here. But you also see a band in climbing gear and it looks
like other people have headed into caves and tunnels nearby and stuff. Go ahead and give me a survival or nature check to determine your hike through the day.
And I'll say one person can kind of be the lookout or the leader here.
I look at Saul, assuming he's the one.
Saul, yeah, in his early days, grew up in a slightly rougher environment,
which was terrorized by a pack of dog people.
So, he's used to being hunted by dogs. They were bullies not trying to rip my flesh away, but they were there and they did give me a lot of wedgies.
Sick, so yeah, so hard one knows the general direction and he can point out the landmarks and stuff,
but Saul, you probably have the better survival as far as being an outdoorsman.
Yeah, it is a little dry for my taste
But you know as long as you can just like slather some beans on my back to keep me moist. I should be good
Yeah, I think we have enough beans. I think we need to save that
You can eat the beans just give me the juice. Well the juice is the best part of the beans. All right, yeah, hard to greet
He can see Foster looks really disappointed
Yeah, hard agree. You can see Foster looks really disappointed.
Oh, he must've had a sad, odd, dark, dark, dark.
Don't worry, you'll have two beans too, Mr. Dome.
Foster ate the max.
Foster!
I do the high mukbang maneuver.
All right, it's all gonna roll survival.
Yeah.
Ooh, that is going to be a 22.
22, great. That is no setback.
So you guys just have smooth sailing for the first day.
You're winding around slowly climbing the mountain and you continue heading west and make
it a solid 25 miles without much event.
But you see that, yeah, the sun begins to go down
and you were getting to the point of hiking
where you were going to start taking levels of exhaustion
and people who don't have dark vision
are going to be rolling with disadvantage
on things like perception and what not.
I have a magical membrane that can give me dark vision
over my eyes, so we could push ahead
and I could keep kind of guiding us,
but if people want to rest, that would have to havedark vision. Whatever you want whenever we want to rest I have a way to keep us safe
But I'm good to push. I think like
So thanks about
Pulder being so far ahead of them and like maybe makes kind of a reckless move
Okay, it's to push ahead a little bit great. Um, the hard one just having the rush of a new adventure
Doesn't want to stop you there great., I can lie a piece of fucking follower
Oh my god
Foster hops into your arms looks like you desperately
I'm still king host choking. Yeah, we're trying to gas up hard one
Yeah, you guys keep going everybody give me constitutions a big throws. Okay
Dirty 20 19. Okay, um, you guys both pass. Uh, shout out to the two crew
Saul you are exhausted. Go heading to me a survival check with disadvantage. I just all lead to guys through the dark
Okay, so do you want to just like stop if you're exhausted? No, it's okay. It's okay. Just put more beans on my back
Again, that kind of reserved for the eating and the drinking.
I was gonna say there's some problems beans can't fix, but I would have been wrong.
Put that on a tissue. I would laugh so hard.
Alright, let's see if Saul can pull this out of his vent.
Okay. Survival?
Yep, just a 13.
Okay.
Hard one, you know these mountains enough
that you start to feel that you are heading
in the wrong direction or just walking out of the way.
You guys are no longer like heading to west.
You guys are starting to climb a mountain.
There are faster ways to go.
And you guys clock that Saul is sweating and tired
and gassed out. All right. and you guys clock that Saul is sweating and tired
and gassed out. All right.
I think let's call it, huh?
All right.
Frog man.
No, we can keep going.
We gotta find him, we gotta find him,
we got this, we got this, right?
We have to, if you wanna save your friend,
we have to survive the entire hike,
tiring deep.
We can't die on day two.
All right, so let's get some sleep.
I'm fair enough, I guess we did fight the King of All Dragons
like two days ago.
Maybe I'm feeling a little residual afterburn.
Yeah, and you ate a lot of bugs from my beard.
I thought the bugs in the beans would mix?
They did not.
They might have been beans in the beard.
Are you sure they were bugs?
Saul thinks back.
They were beans.
I think they were just hairy beans.
All right, let's get some rest. Okay. Okay, everyone stand back. They were beans. I think they were just hairy beans. Alright, let's get some rest.
Okay.
Okay, everyone stand back.
I'm going to cast Liaman's tiny duck.
Oh!
And I'm gonna put my hands on Foster.
And he starts growing, growing, growing.
He's like, I'm gonna take that you can walk into the mouth of.
Oh, is it like the fucking cat was?
It's Liaman's tiny hut, but it's with faster. Yeah, I never did that
Foster expands and opens his mouth and you see a warm home inside I had torn it with Jessica's
It's not it's not staying up. Foster, she's there rejecting it.
Do you have any putty?
Kalaipi.
Yeah, I need to post your putty.
Keeps falling off the wall.
I just apple pie.
Fine, he's falling off.
It's amazing.
All right, we're gonna have to hammer it in.
You guys are, yeah.
Maybe I, you know what, I'll just hold it in place.
Oh, that's perfect.
Kelly, what does the inside of Liamundsteiny Duck look like?
Well, I literally just made the on the fly decision.
I had a whole idea of what it was going to be.
It was going to be a retrofuturist.
It can still be that on the inside.
But now that I've made it on the fly, I think it can.
Yeah, okay.
Then I think it looks like a retrofuturistic air stream.
Whoa. Shit. This is awesome, then I think it looks like a retro futuristic air stream. Whoa.
Shit.
This is awesome.
Can I do a beanie curtain?
Absolutely.
It's actually a bucket of them.
Like an umbrella bucket, but pubi did cut.
Guys, it's not really surprising, but this bed is very comfortable.
Yeah, it's a duck feathers.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I thought it was memory foam.
I know. No, the memory of thought it was memory foam. I know.
Now the memory of the ducks that gave
a feathers to it.
Rest in peace.
Yeah.
Sweet, yeah, I'll say, and I'll say
Fosters got like a little fireplace inside
of your desert.
Yeah, I think everything is like duck themes, right?
Like, you know, like the little,
when you open the cabinets, there's like that linoleum
that's like got little ducks on it.
Oh, yeah.
There's like a bar cart with like ducks
with like the little head of the stoppers is ducks.
The soap dispensers look like little ducks.
There's ducks on the linen.
Oh, well, there's a bathtub with a rubber duck in it.
Yeah, it's like kind of like, it's the centipede quite
lits really, because it's in the middle.
Yeah.
It's too much. It's too dark.
You see in the moments that Foster would normally quack,
you just hear an echoing all encompassing and the walls cave in.
Yeah, they're so.
Yeah, I think it's like it's almost like the it's almost like the air stream of
someone who Foster is a celebrity too.
So, great.
And as you guys make your camp for the night,
you can pick one person that was kind of like setting the pace
that can do a con save,
and they are going to be the one that sets the DC
that the noils are trying to hit.
All right.
I've got this.
Yeah, yeah.
You've seen this, yeah.
Okay. 16. Alright. I've got this. Yeah. Yeah. You've seen this stud. Yes.
16. Okay. Can I flash a Jessica Simpson for Bardock?
Absolutely not. If I had asked something else, would you have said yes? Yes.
I like living in the soil. Okay. So you guys actually did not take on any setbacks. Chances are the nobles won't gain on you, but let me go ahead and roll for them.
You asshole.
That's an app 20.
Congrats, Pat.
You guys do here the distant howling of noles.
Just so you know that this is,
the dome is opaque from the outside of any color
you choose, obviously duck wallpaper.
But it, I think a nice pastoral scene with ducks.
But it is transparent from the inside.
So we can see.
You guys can see.
Oh nice, okay.
Yeah, you guys here, distant howling.
Actually, everybody go ahead and give me
Survival or perception checks
That's another nats 20 Wow
14 okay, dirty 20 okay, I use the duck periscope and it will help you
Yeah, you look out the windows here and you guys are all listening and you guys here distant
Sound like they need a throat tea, right?
Kind of.
This.
Where?
Yeah, you hear distant noles,
and hard one, you, it strikes you that they are onto you
and they're on your trail, which is not great,
that is one fail.
But Saul, with a nat 20 survival check, it sounds like they are still far away.
Okay.
So they are aware that there's some fresh meat in the mountains, but they are not completely
onto you yet.
Okay.
Hard one, Kelly, is there anything we can do
to like throw them off our trail?
We like, you know.
I could, what I could do is I could rub all of our scents
all over some things and then.
I mean like rub beans all over something.
Yeah, rub a bunch of beans.
Off, like all over some stuff,
maybe sacrifice the maximum to do it.
Next idea.
Create an unseen serpent, which is an unseen serpent,
and just tell them to run with it.
Oh, that could buy us some time, seriously.
Yeah.
So we just like kind of rub our bodies on the serpent.
We could rub the beans directly.
OK, yeah.
Yeah, you guys make a majestic beast out of starfire
and you rub it down with beans.
Not the juice.
Rub it down with dry beans and save the juice.
You put it through a strainer and you keep the juice.
Like you.
It's good thing you have those dry beans too.
Are you planning on making baked beans?
You never know.
Mr. Surefoot, you haven't lost a step at all.
I'm 230 years old. I might get a hobby someday.
I think I could do this for like a bit because if I just keep doing this, I can buy them
time because I only need four hours to trans. Yeah.
I actually only need four hours to trans too. I just usually do it in eight because
I feel like I was about 12 hours last night. Really?
Yeah, I feel gruggied.
Wow.
All right, so yeah, maybe just transfer you.
Yeah, you send out the unseen invisible serpent out
with your sense in a different direction.
You know from my spell stick that I already used my find
steed, I just called it find serpent. Great. And this is unseen serpent, the find steed. I just called it find serpent.
Great.
And this is unseen servant the spell.
Great.
But I'm calling it unseen serpent.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which I don't want to get, I don't want your brain
to get boggled by all my stuff.
By all your, by all your puns.
No, I got it.
Okay.
So, riblin circles on you, man.
There are tons as much as they are art.
Okay, right.
All right.
They are art.
So, try to wrap your brain around that, but not let it get bogged out.
Okay, what do you fucking hate my brain?
My brain is full of all of your brilliant improv
about Jessica Simpson and the Maxim's and the Bean.
That wasn't improv, that was real.
That was me, yes, ending.
What I thought was brilliant.
This is short rest, Father, but before we started recording,
Jake was afraid because he's been playing hard one so dumb
at the live shows that he wasn't gonna do hard one justice
and you show up and have posters.
Initiate beans and accent.
Initiate beans and accent.
I don't remember being an initiator.
That's tough. I feel like that was an honor.
No, we're right back where we belong though.
This is the energy we need.
So yeah, you send out this unseen serpent with your scent
and Saul with a nat 20 survival check,
these noles are not getting to you tonight.
In fact, the kind of nice thing about hearing them how
was like, okay, didn't hear any that were that close to us.
It is just, you know, this is gonna be a thing every night.
You just gotta hope they don't eat you
before you get out of the mountain.
So it says, how about no, and smiles really big?
You see a dream?
Is he dreaming?
Clivey laughs really loud.
And she's like, I'm not usually into comedy,
but that was really good.
I'm so sad.
You'll explain it to me in the morning.
Foster lets out a concerned echoing class.
Saul leans back in bed,
satisfied with what he's done today.
All right, one rules over thinking he maybe he made a mistake.
Yeah, is there anything you guys would like to do
before you go to bed?
You've already made all the preparations you can basically
for the noils.
They can't find you inside this place, right?
It's like kind of invisible from the outside.
Yeah, it's opaque from the outside.
And there's like a whole thing of like spells,
magical effects, and creatures can't get in.
You guys aren't getting ambushed in the Lehman's tiny duck.
So you guys are good here.
You hear that the noles are far away.
You do everything you can to protect yourselves,
but you do need some sleep.
Is there anything you guys want to do
before you go to bed?
I think I have to trans. So I think I'll use like my extra four hours to maybe look at
this stuff I had about Ariax.
Oh, Ariax, the winter eladrin, that.
I stole some books about him.
Kali, you take some time and you start looking into this book on Aureox that you took from...
Maybe I can skim it.
So it's like not that deep.
Yeah, you're looking through it.
This book that you took from Glenn's room.
I need a break from the Maxons.
Jesus Christ, anything to get you off the Maxons.
Kali, go ahead and give me a history check
as you look through this,
and you can do it with advantage.
That teen.
You begin reading this information about Ariox,
and just as a reminder from what you already know about him,
Ariox was an alladrin that was part of the adventuring party
of this alladrin named Tulaneane and of another one named Melora
So it was Melora, Ariox and Tulane
Tulane ended up
Siding with the dragons during the dragon and giant conflicts that happened
centuries ago thousands of years ago in fact and
Ariox
fought against her he had sided with the giants and thousands of years ago, in fact, and Ariyox
fought against her. He had sided with the giants and as you're reading about this, you see that unlike
Tulane who
seems to actually love dragons and seemed to actually
feel for their plight and want them to defeat the giants
everything you're reading about Arreox here is he was working with the giants as a means to an end.
This is someone who saw the quote-unquote small folk that, you know,
Ultras would refer to like humanoids being wiped out by dragons and giants. So he sees this war between
the giants and the dragons and he knows that the longer it goes on, the more the giants
and the dragons wipe each other out and give the eladrin a fighting chance. So he was actually
on the eladrin side the entire time even even though he was fighting with the Giants.
And you do know that at the end of this, you know, age of quote unquote monsters, where
dragons rule the sky and giants rule the earth, that humanoids would build up their settlements
and everything like that.
And the Eladron would flourish in the Feywild and humanoid would flourish in
the main world.
But as you're reading this stuff about Ariax, it's not really clear if he's a good guy
or a bad guy, he seems cold and calculating.
And I think maybe you get hints of your mother in there.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
All right, I close the book. I close the book and I take out a there. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Alright, I close the book.
I close the book and I take out a maximum.
Oh, God.
So, light reading the full bed.
Page 68, center fold.
Trust someone who's been around the blog.
Good night.
His eyes are closed.
Okay, thanks.
I heard the rough line.
Would anyone else like to do anything
before they go to bed?
Salt does a little training to try
and further his connection to the network.
Meditate's a little bit, you know,
it does some like shadow boxing.
Great, just generally kind of,
tries to be ready for the day.
Yeah, hard one.
I think you look up and you see this frog
who was already super exhausted
and almost falling off the mountain is up shadow boxing.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
I used to have energy like that.
Hard one stands up to do a squat.
It does a single one, doesn't rise.
It almost back onto the back.
Just a loud pop in your knee.
And I'll say, yeah, it wakes you up out of your trans, Kelly.
I wrestle forth and then I take the old tris hair and the caulder flower and put that
my nightstand.
And then go back into my trans.
So all here's hard one fall and turns and says, you know, if you ever wanted to like
spar or even just like wrestle, I'd be happy to, you know, if you ever wanted to like, spar or even just like wrestle,
I'd be happy to, you know, train with you.
I think we could learn a lot from each other.
I could learn a ton from you, I know that.
Yeah, what about that?
Yeah, let me think about it.
Hard one doesn't go to sleep for an hour.
This is gonna be a wrestling match, maybe everyone's invited.
It's crazy, I've been traveling with you for so long,
we've never asked me to wrestle.
Saltaclus Calli.
I think I need to give you a contest in athletics checks.
I break it up.
Just wait for the invitation.
Yeah, hard one, you're trying to go to sleep
and you see Calli and Saul start rassling in the middle of it.
We gotta be ready for all of this, Calli.
I got an 11.
Okay.
Athletic.
We disadvantaged Saul.
Oh shit.
You are exhausted.
This is what breakthroughs happen.
16.
16.
Okay.
You see.
All right, you two kids knock it off.
I die for hard one.
It was a 22.
Whoa.
You see, Callie and Saul are going back and forth.
Callie goes to die if it's all.
Saul is like super exhausted, but is taking it super seriously.
And it's just wrestling with Callie.
Hard one stands up, says knock it off.
And as Callie's sort of getting overpowered,
she pivots and goes to tackle hard one hard one
Sprawls and as Saul goes for him puts his hand on Saul's head and kind of redirects his momentum and kind of pushes him to the side and
Pushes Cali down. All right, Saul flies into the bar cart
Everyone trance
Everyone trance. Yeah.
Sorry.
Okay, I know I sound like I was mad, but that was kind of rush.
Yeah.
Hard one.
You see Saul and Cally go off to there, a little bunks to go to bed.
And as you go to yours, heart still pumping from just having this wrestling match, how
do you think hard one shorefoot is feeling in this moment?
I think Hard One has, he's hung up his adventuring hat.
You know, he gave the hammer back to Jaina.
And I think he still thinks that he's a liability.
He still thinks he he's a liability. He still thinks he's lost a step, but he's going to bed and he
Has to admit to himself that he still loves this shit
Hard one you go to sleep
deeply for the first time in a long time and
That's where we'll end our session.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
It feels good.
It feels good.
I love it.
This little gang of three feels good.
This is fun.
This is a real hard work with this two and really kids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just having one.
Yeah, this is great.
Yeah, you guys are wrestling and him having to break it up.
That's great.
This is the last of a shit guys
I was thinking of last of us like when we were going on the hike I was like oh, I'm gonna ask him some questions
I was like feeling like very much. Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome
Sweet guys. Thank you all so much for listening
You can head on over to our patreon to hear us talk about this patreon.com slash nad pod that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d
Don't sing me that song.
Oh, don't.
Don't do it.
Sorry about that.
In the meantime, do we have anything we'd like to plug?
I want to plug everyone who sends us postcards
because I've started using them as bookmarks.
Yes, I am someone who reads about five books at a time.
And they make me happy every time I open the page,
and I see one of your silly bookmarks. know that if you sent I if you sent a postcard that it's like really had a meaningful purpose
Thank you. Yeah, we've got a lot of great cat ones
Yeah, yeah, it's postcards from all over the world
Yeah, it's really cool to see them. Yeah, I keep doing that 1920 Hillhurst Avenue never too too too too
Los Feliz California 90027 and some of them are mean to Merf and those make me laugh and some of them are just like nice. Yeah, it's make me smile.
So either way you're smiling. Either way, we love it. Sometimes it just sounds good.
We love it when you're nice. Yeah, I would love to plug giving me book recommendations because I
finally after like a year and a half finished reading one piece and now I don't know what to do with
my life. So oh you should read deathless. Oh, I just finished it. Fuck yeah, I'm gonna read that. I think someone might have recommended it to me on the Patreon.
Perfect. It was really good. Yeah. Alright, thanks folks.
Sweet.
Check that out. In the meantime, you can follow us on social media that we may or may not use at CH MerchMe,
at called as Caldwell, at the expert Emily and at your curts as Jake, and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nadpod that's NADDDPOD.
We are we are the youth of a nation, we are we are the youth of a nation.
It's the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent, beautiful, smart, wise, strong council of elders.
Brad D. Jeffrey S. Hussi. Later Mick Skater. Matt Im. White, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, Dame, Beardman, Dan, Danny P, Vincent W, Victor T, aka Boundor's
Boy, Hoids friend, Justin I, Ragnar, Faredwen, TJM, Traylee, The Cray, Dyscellaneous, Christopher
B, Damial R, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald.
Never forget that Jake forgot the peanut immonims I won't never not a single moment
for a single day of my life.
Princess YR, Michael L, Jack L, Sam L, Nicholas C, star of every single film ever made in
Bahumia, currently starring as an audience member for the Perth Live show.
Wow, hope you had a good time.
Samuel B. Mike H. Alka Smeltzer Plus.
Great value, Jimma.
Adam G. Tyler F.
Niii Badger.
Panama James.
Andrew the Druid.
Haradrian.
Rex Daniel the White.
Captain sigil.
Diana Deilo's Lopez. Cicilulu, Timmy R,
Lucas B, Reiko, Itzkeven, Calder's calculated cunning climactic clever crescendo,
Ultras, Hashtag, can't come cold! Ah, so fitting so beautiful we will miss you
Calder, Taylor B, the vengeful one-winged angel, Cass, skateboard so beautiful, we will miss you, Calder. Taylor B! The vengeful, one-winged angel.
Cast skateboard cast.
Captain of the Stevens, Stephen Cole.
Mike K! Lady Taco.
Nara! Jake L. Nick W.
Brave, the Badger.
Esmi M.
Hopson, son of hop.
Foster the boneless duck trying to find the pugnacious pug
before he kills Mark
Mark Kuchuga. Got to love those Australia live show inside references. Thanks for coming y'all.
William W. Aaron the Asshole Ranger. Big bad, bearded with a mad. Riot, Ryan, hungry devs,
Frisbee golf bud, what's up? See you on the course, my dude.
Ananorama!
Percival, Fredericstein, Von Mussel, Klasowski, Derrollo III.
Can't wait to see all an Adelaide, even Jake.
I hope that Jake didn't fuck it up too bad.
Thanks for coming.
J. Dragonborn, Vincent, Thromhard, Daniels, The Sandrian.
Ben-A, Fel,onis, John III,
Dave H. Gualabear,
Katherine S. David K.
Christian S. Dustin S.
Connor F. Hawkeye Pierce,
Bookfars Assistant Izzy F.
DPC is awesome!
Brittany A. The Purpleistest bitch in Bohumia.
God bless.
Summer Rose, aka Grand Hair.
Marky Mark the marvelous mining engineer.
Kat C.
Kelslay.
Misa of House in Zunza.
Ariel, the occasional mermaid.
Selena in aka Volacy Raptor.
B. Perky always.
Pat L.
Svexel.
A Chuta A.
Lauren H.
Talia.
Ryan S.
The Bowen Duster.
Rubicrysps.
Ball business illustrator.
Insert request here.
Oh, come on.
It's gotta be Saul and Cali coming upon hard one
in the old busta down. SS Stormborn. What a scene.
Bloops!
Carly Ann!
Suicidal Lobster.
Addy K.
Spam gaming, the not-so-skilled gamer, parentheses, thanks Jake.
Connor S.
Russell H.
Christopher J.
Pebblepot!
To the do-riders, my first never mind we died.
I'm a total now.
These things happen.
Celial, Jack M. Leviathan,
Bioquart 7, Amber Dexterous, Sullivan H.
Sydney Tatum, Jack Hubert, Crabsdor Champion of Crod,
Scuttling Sideways towards tomorrow.
Fender A, She-Wolf of Winter, queen of the bone perch, lady of war.
I've been the knee.
Garble them moist, Lindsey W, Juicy Kiwi, working all day and night to restock Shanky Candles,
the triplets thank you.
They lin, Carlin C, Emily S, Harry Cox, Noah, the Bagel of all things.
Everything Bago, the Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey.
Dandy, Eric V. Marcos P. Quant, hopes you're having an amazing day.
Learns the Balanced Druid.
Dayton M. Dakota James P. Frida M. Pegos. Betroathed. Self-proclaimed. Faye Prince. Tracy P. The Crick
Elf Librarian. Andi E. Holly Hyena. Kristen Z. Leia C. Page H. Helen of Brizz. Which is now also known as the home of Balnor's son Mark Mark. May be Pixel Stars, Akash T, Kristen Withake, Cal, just Cal, Commodore Galaxy, Edison in,
Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time.
The restless spirit of Simon, asking her quelled pooro if he can uncover how he died.
Roll investigation.
Keychains Pitym2 processor.
Lorelai the succubus and Kyra her busty queen.
Morgan M. Stephen E. Your friendly neighborhood, Yant and Yonkel, Andrew and Sid.
John Adams, yes, like the president.
Meg, the male carrier of Bahumia.
James F, M4L.
Wayfarer, now trapped in the Feywild
after not fully reading the terms
and conditions of their legal settlement with mothership.
Andrew B, Sir Smut, Barpo Goodbarrel,
Barbarian and Brewer and Meritus of Waterdeep.
Mary Beth C. Malora DeVote.
Three Awakened Gooses.
Honk Honk Honk Honk.
Welshlander.
Garrett G. A. K. A. One Big Curd.
Mr. D. Dana Daisy.
Sean J. Ethan B.
Renee The Monster Captain.
Gabriel W. Hope Stagger the only dagger of Hope.
Olivia the Enchanting Bard will totally be crocheting a super cool dice bag for the
two crew.
Oh thank you Olivia.
Winter Slade.
Michaela R.
Vars H-A-K-A Life is like a box of Martha Togold's Sticky Buns.
Aim into that.
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Ya boy, Anthony, who moved positions and can't listen to the podcast at work anymore.
Damn Anthony, that sucks a fat one. Josh H. Jack, the Jack's Janks & Rogue, on the run with Bohumia's
balls. The true neutral BPEG who's saving the material plane from unapocalypse.
TROGDOR!
The Burninator
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Alex R.
Ketrip Dumbledore, the bear onesy wearing bar barian.
Imjay, the BFG drinking T by the sea.
Dogs of Babel.
Calvius Silver Fang.
Mama Bell.
The Silver Serpent herself.
Funier.
Dr. Tokus.
Bow check out wow wow.
Wow wow is spelled like World of Warcraft and I imagine that's what they mean.
Like Bow check out wow wow.
Let's play some online RPGs.
Derek D. Tristan G. Cal, the rabid runt.
Jazzman and fam, the surgeons behind Pindergreens,
Juicy new ass, love your work. Alpha Fortress, Alex K. Joshua P.
Joshua P. S. Martin T. Alexander, Linz W. Mandi K.
M.S. Red, the reforged, war forged. Alexander Lins W. Mandy K. Emma S.
Red.
The Reforged.
Warforged.
Mr. Craft.
Hammy Beverly's distant cousin.
Blue Drew.
PJT.
Dragon Knight 86.
And The Godly King.
Thank you all so, so much for your undying support.
You are truly the heroes of the realm.
We can do it without you.
If you would like to join their illustrious number,
you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nad pod.
That's gonna do it for us this week.
We'll see you next time.
Thanks again.
Bye bye.