Not Another D&D Podcast - C3 Ep. 30: Old Man on the Edge of Town (Legends of Irondeep)

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

Duck Team enlists a new ally to track Ultrus and save Calder! Callie goes ice cold, Sol joins the network, and Jake reveals his next character. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to ...get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.Music/Sound Effects Include:"Cracking Oak Tree" by klankbeeld at Freesound.org."A Wizard Tournament" by Emily Axford."Deadeye" by Emily Axford."Hospitably Hostile" by Emily Axford."The Pact" by Emily Axford."Balnor the Brave" by Emily Axford."A Memory" by Emily Axford."Wooded Wonder" by Emily Axford."The Purge" by Emily Axford."Cable Car Ride" by Emily Axford."Zirk Vervain" by Emily Axford."Henry's House" by Emily Axford."Winter Sprite" by Emily Axford."Oh, Melora!" by Emily Axford."The Valiant Ol' Cobb" by Emily Axford."Forsaken" by Emily Axford."Greenshade" by Emily Axford."Tundra Trudge" by Emily Axford."Winter's Mantle" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:44 I'm your dungeon master, join. I'm your dungeon master, join. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy. I was laughing because we're all very sad because of our teacher, Jake. Jake, her win. Who will I be? We shall see. This new character is TBD.
Starting point is 00:02:01 Ah! Oh, good. Good. Now we can all go back to being sad. No sad again. Yes, the sad campaign. Welcome back after a little break. We're back to being sad.
Starting point is 00:02:12 And then of course, we've got Emily Axford. Feeling pretty steamed because my friends stuck in a dream. Collier Pettra Carr. Get steamed. Yeah. We went from sad to mad. I like it. That's good.
Starting point is 00:02:23 That's a mad. Full range of emotions. Can you round it out with glad? What? I'm always glad. Yeah, we went from sad to mad. I like that to mad full range of him. Can you round it out with glad? What I'm always glad. Yeah, let's let's break out into gladness with cold, cold well, Tanner. Oh, died last time and doesn't feel like making a rhyme. It's all about with that to being sad. Yeah, it was either going to be mad, sad, glad, or glad sad, mad. It fuck. I forgot what we're feeling. Yeah. Well, regardless, that was bad. It was either gonna be mad said glad or glad said mad
Starting point is 00:02:49 Forgot what we're feeling well regardless that was bad Go ahead and do a little recap So last time I'm just gonna take a lap while you recap. Yeah, okay Just want to really need to relive this. Yeah, she steamed she punches a wall So last time you returned to the creek with bumpy to search for the missing old folks. You investigated the time out tree and learned that Glenn had been freed from his prison by a fragmentation grenade.
Starting point is 00:03:13 After deducing that it must have been cooter, you investigated the town square and noticed freezing condensation outside of Eloise's stump, which called her attributed to the cold elves. You followed the trail, you guys remember Calder? Dude! I was just listening back. You were in Soldaville, day?
Starting point is 00:03:33 Yes, I'll doville, day. We mourned me once. Okay, so you guys followed the trail, which brought you to Kooters' home on the edge of town. Beneath a rug, you discovered a passage to a basement bedroom, which Callie figured out was Glenn's. You read his journals, and learned that his plan to unite the elves through war has been brewing for a long time.
Starting point is 00:03:56 He tried to do it for the first time when the Crick was still in the living wood, campaigning to the old folks to vote for his cause. The main target of this was the dream druid Eloise, who was hesitant to join him at first, but after having a vision that saw Glenn wearing a crown and leading the elves, she agreed to help. However, the vote didn't go glen's way anyway,
Starting point is 00:04:18 because Kooter voted for peace, and his family was shattered. As you came to the realization that Eloise was working with Glen, you began hearing cries from Kudur. You approached him after he collapsed, but fell through a hallucinatory terrain into a trap. There, you found yourselves in a pit surrounded by unconscious old folks wearing strange crowns. You were then subdued by a small crew, by Eloise when Glenn descended into the pit and revealed his next plan to gain the power of Ultras by stealing Calder's crown. You guys remember Calder?
Starting point is 00:04:53 And I kept writing that in. No, that's improv. That's improv, baby. That's just me being cruel. Just teasing me. Yeah. He wanted to... Yeah, thank you, honey. Yeah. He wanted to. Funny honey. Yeah, thank you, honey. Thank you, my honey. You fought valiantly, but the attempted heist quickly escalated into an attempted murder.
Starting point is 00:05:14 When Saul was knocked out and rolled a one on his death save. You remember Saul? You guys remember Saul? He's still here, kind of. Yeah. Calder made an offer to Ultras. He goes, remember, Calder. Calder made an offer to Ultras
Starting point is 00:05:29 that he would be his vessel if the giant would help his friends and Ultras agreed. Ultras then entered the battlefield and pummeled Glen, forcing the druids to retreat. Yes. Yes, finally a good thing. With Glen backed into a corner,
Starting point is 00:05:43 Cali cast Compel's duel on Ultras, saving Glenn's life, unable to effectively attack anyone, Ultras walked off into the woods, with Calder trapped in his helm. You guys remember Calder? But Callie managed to steal a hair from his head. Only behumia kids remember. Ah.
Starting point is 00:06:01 Only 90s kids remember Calder. The remaining two of you, a costed Glen who spilled the beans on his plan, now that he was abandoned by his co-conspirators, the crowns on the old folks were protecting a curse that was trapping them in a dream, and they can't be removed without killing Eloise. But there is a potential work around to save Mima if they found her familiar Mama. You rushed off to do so, finding the dire possums surrounded by the bodies of cold elves, and the injured cooter who resisted a Gaos spell to feed her a good berry. After you healed them, Mama set to waking up Mima from her trance while the two of you kept
Starting point is 00:06:39 a close eye on Glenn and noticed Ultrasus footsteps heading out of the creek. And that's where we are now. So Sal and Kali, you are holding hands as you watch Mama in a trance trying to use her connection to Mima to awaken her from the dream. Kudur is there, but still injured and licking his wounds, and Glenn is being guarded by Saul, but Glenn looks drained. He's just looking down, and does not look like he's got a lot of fight in him right now. And a moment later, bumpy returns with a squad of rangers.
Starting point is 00:07:19 You see a bunch of archers pop out of bushes nearby. Some of them immediately swoop in and scoop up, mom on, cooter to rush them off or healing while the rest begin surrounding Glen. You see Glen throws his hands up and starts walking back. All right, I'm willing to cooperate. We all know that it's very complicated breaking these curses and what not.
Starting point is 00:07:46 Can I just punch him until he's unconscious? That's awesome. Yep, you just jump on Glenn. You punch him out in one punch. I turn off my emotions and watch this with an intellectual curiosity. How interesting. Very interesting. God, the fist can do beautiful things.
Starting point is 00:08:04 That man's open mouth is a liability in a weapon until he is behind the strongest bars that the crit can offer. I don't wanna hear anything else from him. I know that as juridic people, you probably don't have a lot of metal here, but like whatever cage you can build, you have to promise me it can contain him.
Starting point is 00:08:22 Because if I see him for any longer, I might do something that I won't be proud of. You hear a voice booming overhead go. That makes two of us. And there's a great rustling in the trees as a dark figure swoops in overhead, briefly blocking the moonlight. And you see big bev in black dragon form,
Starting point is 00:08:43 descends from the sky and lands in position with his claw pushing Glen into the ground. And you see Glen starts to come to gasping under the pressure of Big Bev. I think I like maybe leaning to Big Bev and I'm just like, look, I fucking hate this guy, but maybe show him a little bit of clemency for the sake of Couta. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. Okay.
Starting point is 00:09:14 And you could do it with advantage, Big Bev likes Coutre too. Okay. 25. As you whisper that to Big Bev, you see he still got his eyes on Glenn, but nods, and he goes, you're lucky, you're real lucky. The only reason I'm not killing you is because I like your daddy. Wow, it looks like your father really continues to be a hero. Yeah, yeah, he's a real good guy and you
Starting point is 00:09:45 better hope that he lives a nice long life because the day he does I'm coming for you. So I'd get a head start and get the fuck out of the crick. Yeah, and Big Bev scoops him with a wing and tosses him out into the woods about a dozen feet. Glenn crashes into a tree, then hits the ground and scrambles to his feet, kind of looks around, not sure where to go, sees angry crick-elves in all directions with bows drawn, not a friend in the world, but he kind of looks over to you, Cali,
Starting point is 00:10:17 the person that he's kind of always been able to manipulate. Cali, please tell them, Tell them they're being unreasonable. I think I finally see him for what he really is, which is just pretty poison. So I think I just chill my passions and avert my gaze. Callie, you look away and you are the only person not looking at Glenn as just a bunch of angry rangers stare him down keep their bows drawn and Callie you feel this coldness in your heart as your attachment as your impatuation with this person finally finally dies you finally let it go And as Glenn sees that he's not winning you over,
Starting point is 00:11:06 and all of the elves are standing ready to attack, you see Big Bev lurches forward, smoke coming out of his nostrils, and Glenn kind of just backpedals and takes off into the woods. Looking, but back. God, I'm glad to be done with that. I think I'll watch him run the whole way away again from a place of intellectual curiosity and like quieting any other emotions. Yeah, I think Cali, as you're looking at Glenn, you look down and you see that, yeah, your hands are beginning to frost a bit and Saul, you even feel Cali's hands are cold.
Starting point is 00:11:49 I don't stop squeezing them. I just squeeze them in sadness and rage. Saul's eyes kind of flick up to Cali to check on her face. Yeah, she's doing, but I don't stop squeezing. So it is important for everyone to know that I was holding Cali's hand the entire time. You were fighting with Glendir. You guys were also holding hands in one hand, the other hand with your friend.
Starting point is 00:12:11 Friend and phone, that's where you have to hands phone. Hold hands with your friends, but hold hands with your enemies. I make you see my eyes are glazing over and I'm humming a song. Yeah. She's fine. With my other hand petting Foster. Warrr, wrarrr, wrr. Foster's a little, Foster's feeling a little sad,
Starting point is 00:12:30 but is cuddling up between you guys. I'll say he goes and sits, hides his feet and does the little duck sit on your hands, kind of hovering in the middle. Oh, I love when he does this. He looks like a little telephone, definitely. Warrr, wrr, wrr. Because I can normally see that. He's like a naughty little bird.
Starting point is 00:12:46 He starts shaking. Let me dial on him. Hello. Are you there? I break into tears. I start breaking into tears. I just started breaking into tears. I just started breaking into tears.
Starting point is 00:13:02 I knew she was going to do it, but it still hurts. I couldn't think of another it, but it still hurts. I could have been a little bit more serious. It's the worst prank all the time. It's just a sad call. Can you call the hat? And with that, we are going to do a little time jump. So you guys are taken by the Crick Elves,
Starting point is 00:13:21 who thank you profusely. They take you off to a guest stump and there you are treated for your wounds and given some time to rest. I think I refuse to have a private room from Saul. Oh, yeah, there's luckily you're at the crib. There's not a ton of privacy here. Right now I don't wanna let my eyes off of anyone.
Starting point is 00:13:40 So yeah, you see, Saul does get trapped in a hat, kidding. You guys are pretty cool too. I even linked it outside the bathroom. So, can I get an auditory confirmation that you're still alive? Okay, thank you. Foster's doing the pet thing, just sitting in the bathroom with Saul. Just looking at you. All right.
Starting point is 00:14:00 Remember, Oprah and Kasey threw that duck. I know, the duck is kind of averting its gaze. So, yeah, you guys inside this guest's dump see that there's like a twisted staircase that winds up the interior of the hollowed out tree with a little balcony that you can sit out on the second floor. And on the first floor, there's a warm hearth and a couple of cozy beds and you can hear Nannerfly buzzing out in the woods. I think I'm drawn to the balcony because I'm not feeling very warm these days.
Starting point is 00:14:32 Yeah. I'm enjoying the Chris Bear. Yeah. You guys go out and sit on the balcony. I think we have to leave like, immediately, like, I mean, we can take a night, but we should leave in the morning. Yeah, I mean I imagine some of the druids here might be able to point us in the right direction, have some sort of tracking capabilities maybe one of the Rangers but yeah as soon as we're
Starting point is 00:14:56 restored and revived we gotta get going. Yeah we've got to keep up with a giant stride. Yeah where do you think he's going? I think he's going to the north. I think he's going to the frigid north. I think he's going all the way up. I guess that's where we're going to. You know what? Actually, I have a bit of hope. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:17 I've come up with the perfect flower I'm going to give to him when I find him. Oh. It's called Glory of the Snow. And it's this bright blue flower that's like shaped like a star. With like white in the middle that's like so bright that it sort of like sparkles in the frost. That's incredible. Can you just like make one of those? I make one.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Yeah, one of these flowers emerges from her hand. This, we're giving him this. Yes. This fucking flower is a fucking promise that we're gonna find him. That is perfect. So it looks for like a jar or something to like put this flower in. Great, yeah, there are jars all around the guests stump. Yeah, you empty out some ingredients for food.
Starting point is 00:16:07 And put in the flour. Yeah, we need food. We need flowers for hope for finding our friend. Yeah, we put this in a little jar and maybe attach it to a walking stick or something. So it's guiding our way. Great. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:16:23 So you guys jar this flour that you're planning on giving to Calder once you get it Great. Perfect. Yeah, so you guys, yeah, jar this flower that you're planning on giving to Calder once you get it back. I think, like, as we're winding down, I do say to Cali, I say, when we meet Ultras, I'm worried. I'm worried I'm just gonna go down again. I'm worried I'm gonna fall.
Starting point is 00:16:38 When things get tough for whatever reason, I'm just always the first one to go. But I think like falling isn't the important part, right? They say it's the getting back up. That's the important part. And you're really good at doing that. Well, that's because I've got you two to give me potions at every turn. And I'm just worried that one day you won't be there.
Starting point is 00:17:02 I'll need to be the one that stands up without you. I don't worry for that day. I do. And I'm going to find a way to make sure that that worry never even comes to the surface. Okay? Yeah, I bet you will. I'll believe it. Yeah, I don't know if you have another flower of hope for me, but as you say that to Kali, Saul, you feel a rush of warmth in your chest from the mushroom that that Trumrot gave you. And from it, you feel the spores in your body begin
Starting point is 00:17:38 to kind of attach to the veins and almost gross stocks. You feel like blood rushing to your hands, to your fingertips, out of which form a new bulb, a new mushroom. Oh. Don't you get it? You don't need a flower. Mushrooms are the great decomposes. They proceed rebirth.
Starting point is 00:18:01 They spring out of death. Yeah. It's all going to like sit down and just try and like commune a little bit. Yeah. Like the spores and like the network all around here. Great. Go ahead and give me a let's say wisdom check. You can do religion or just That is a nat 20. Wow! Okay, okay. So Saul, as you reflect and Cali, you're watching from the outside, there are, you know,
Starting point is 00:18:37 mushrooms and different fungi and stuff around this stump and like outside the window and you see from the balcony, things begin to kind of rise and point towards Saul as he is joining this fungal network. And Saul, you feel this connection to all of these things around you, like this deep, deep connection. And in this moment, you feel like no one could kill you, that you could not die, that you could not go down. I think I whisper in my mind, thank you, Shroom Rhyde. With that, you break from the trance, and you see the fungi around you kind of goes back to normal. But you do still have this.
Starting point is 00:19:29 You have this strange sense of kind of just like knowing where things in the woods are right now that you wouldn't otherwise know. You just, you've never had a more awareness of your surroundings than right now. It feels like you got intel from like a hundred Rangers. Well. Did you just drop into the net? What? I'm in.
Starting point is 00:19:47 I felt everything. I felt the elves, the animals. I think I felt elves or an igneous too. I could feel like almost not their heartbeat, but like something beyond that. Like, they're soul, but not their soul. I don't know. But you have like a piece of shroom on now. Didn't they all say that he couldn't die?
Starting point is 00:20:11 Yeah. That he rejoined the network. That's right. Um, I think it's all like kind of looks at his fists and they still inflate a little bit, but now I think they have kind of like a bioluminescent glow to them, like the mushrooms do. Red. I think I could be on, something here. Yeah, you see, as his hands kind of glow here, you feel like you can just see like a little bit of the outline of the bone and stuff and around it are little fungal networks, beginning to form, beginning to grow.
Starting point is 00:20:43 And I will say this all, getting a nat 20 and kind of connecting to the forest here. Yeah. You get a message not in words, but just like a knowing that Altris is heading for the Iron Deep Mountains. There's one more thing, Galley. I felt him. Yeah. All around me I felt life and death, but walking between those kind of crushing it between icy cold feet I felt him. He's going to iron deep. Okay, then we'll go to iron deep. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:20 Great, let's get some sleep then. Yeah. Great. And with that, you all go to bed. It has been the same. It has only been 24 hours since you fought the king. It has been an insane 24 hours for a duck team. You see, yeah, Foster is a magical being that does really need to sleep, but passes out
Starting point is 00:21:41 instantly and loudly snores. As you guys both go to bed for the night. When they lay my head on foster, like he's one of those squishy, aw, squish mellow pillows. Yeah. You, you fall asleep after a bit, uh, a little bit fitfully at first, but eventually you guys have this exhaustion deep in your bones and you eventually fall asleep.
Starting point is 00:22:00 And Cali, you don't trans tonight. You actually, you actually fall asleep, but you do wake up after, after a few hours, like three or four hours when your trans would normally be done. You see, the sun has still not risen. It's still the early hours of the morning, but go ahead and give me a perception check. 19. 19. Cali, as you, as you wake up and kind of sit up in your bed, you see little snowflakes gathering on the window, so. Is that normal for the prick? Absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:22:40 I think I put my frosty hands up to the window and I guess maybe... ...I'll open up the window and I get out the window. Sweet, yeah. It's a cobbin' snow. Yeah, you um... ...slide open the window here and you climb out. And you see that snowflakes are falling from the sky, but only specifically... ...around this area of the stump.
Starting point is 00:23:08 And it is eerily quiet. It is eerily quiet at the creek. It would seem that many of the people that we're dealing with all of the various crises around town have finally gone off to bed. All you hear is the quiet creaking of trees near this stump out in the woods. And you see the tree closest to the stump where the snow is kind of falling around, begin suddenly losing its leaves.
Starting point is 00:23:34 The leaves begin falling slowly at first, but then it begins quickly shedding them. And in the bark, you see the face of Oberon. Um. Oberon? The season is changing. In the Craig? In you. I think I hold up my frosty hands and look at them and say, yeah, I've kind of been noticing that. I think seeing my mother in your vision that you shared with us sort of brought her memory
Starting point is 00:24:13 back really vividly. Hmm, wonder is it time to remember? Yeah, right? Yeah, she would say that, It's like a time of reflection. I guess that also... I don't know if you remember Colter. Do you remember him? Of course.
Starting point is 00:24:34 He was the not frog. I'm familiar with the three of you. Oh, right. You've been spying on us. Not spying. Well, um... Do you remember his helm? Indeed. Oh right, you've been spying on us. Not spying. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha and it feels like it's changing me from the inside. A member of your pack is missing. Passion has gotten you far. A good thing for the springtime, but times are lean, and you hunt dangerous prey. Winter is when the crops are fallow, so you have to learn to hunt. And Calli, you notice frost growing all up your arms.
Starting point is 00:25:36 And some of the flowers begin to die. I just become to flower, but I think that I see this and I think for the first time I'm like ready to reconnect with the day wild and my mother. So I think I let the transformation happen. I think I close my eyes and hum this little tune, just a little little little by my mother used to sing and transform into a winter eladron. Yeah, Callie, you... Sting image of my mother. See snow begin to come down all around you falling heavier now and settling into your skin and Callie as you transform into a winter
Starting point is 00:26:26 ladren, what do you think you look like? So I think that my watery body, it doesn't become like glassy like ice. I think that it's textured like the fern patterns that Frost makes on a window. the fern patterns that Frost makes on a window. And I think that all my flowers are replaced by like buried juniper twigs and winter plum blossoms. And I think I smell like pine and winter greens. And I think that everywhere I walk, there's like the faint sound of like how Oberyn has like the creaking of wood. I think I've like the faint sound of singing ice. Yeah, you hear this kind of low creak as you step through the woods here and even beyond like you
Starting point is 00:27:23 stepping on leaves, there's something more to it than that, something deeper. And Oberon nods as much as he can, the tree kind of just sways, and he goes, hmmm, is so too. It really does. For now, do not make your mother's mistakes and let this become permanent. There are Alatrin who steal themselves to survive the hard times. But there are others who make the times hard themselves. I think as soon as you say, don't make your mother's mistake, it goes from me remembering her humming this lullaby to me, bedside, to her in her cell, waiting for her execution,
Starting point is 00:28:18 humming it to herself. And I feel a little terrified. Do not wander long in the snow. Glide be petrified. And you see his face disappears into the park and the tree begins to regrow its leaves and the snow is gone, except for the frost around you. I think I spend the rest of the morning outside. Yeah, you spend the rest of the morning outside,
Starting point is 00:28:51 and you see the sun rises, and it feels a little bit colder, like the start of a new season. And you go back into the stump after the sun rises and you see a saw begins to stir awake and saw you open your eyes to a somewhat stranger in the stump. Cali were you cold last night? I feel like I could get nearly enough blankets. Whoa! That might have been me. Who's Juniper Berries? Yeah, they grow in the winter. You're looking incredible. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:29:32 I think I'll really compliment the silver serpent. Oh yeah. Maybe even more so. Yeah, so you guys reunite and as you go about your morning, you are visited by some Crick messengers, and I'll even say that bumpy stops by to fill you in on what's been going on. You guys learn that the Crick Druids were able to use the Mama loophole to save Mima. Last night, so the crown that was placed on her head wouldn't allow other people to target her with spells, but they were able to target Mama and Mima was awoken and able to take the crown off herself. And once she came to,
Starting point is 00:30:13 she immediately began work on saving the other three old folks who are still stuck in this dreamscape. They are all safe, but they will not be out of their dream until Eloise is found. So these old folks are left in the care of guards, while you hear that Big Bev has left with a team to go out and track down the rogue druids, so it sounds like that part is being taken care of. And as you guys are getting ready to leave, you're all packed up and everything, you see that, Mima approaches the guest stump
Starting point is 00:30:50 as you guys are walking out. Oh, hey, how are you feeling? I feel all right, overwhelmed, obviously, but, but I'm doing great. Thanks to you, thank you all so much for everything that you've done for the crick. And I'm so sorry for what happened to call there. It's okay. We're gonna find him. We know where he's headed. Yeah, he said it to Iron Deep.
Starting point is 00:31:12 Iron Deep. Got it. Okay. Well, I know somebody who knows about giants that has fought pretty much every kind of monster that there is in Bahomia. He especially knows a lot about the Iron Deep Mountains. I think I've got somebody who could, oh great. Good guy to you there. That would be fantastic. Yeah, I mean, if we're going to be pursuing Ultras, we need all the help we can get, I think. Right. Well, he's a little bit temperamental these days. He's a little shy, but I think we can convince him. He's really your best bet here. We're friendly. And I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,
Starting point is 00:31:47 I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,
Starting point is 00:31:55 I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like,
Starting point is 00:32:03 I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, three people likes us. That's good. That's good average. Yeah. All right. Well, why don't we get going? Okay. You see, Mimaw leads you out into the forest, even further out than Kuders' Stone. Well, Kuders' place was on the edge of town, but this is straight up in the middle of the woods. And after passing thick green trees and trance, you find a broken down airship covered in moss and grass. There is a giant crack in the hull and clothes lines up on the deck with various drying clothes and belongings, squirrels and chipper monks make their homes in the various little cracks, and you do see that there is some smoke coming out from a chimney attached to the captain's
Starting point is 00:32:45 quarters. The windows are boarded up, you can see a little light coming from inside. Oh, this thing's ancient. I've actually seen models like this in like textbooks and you see Mimaw and kind of this frazzled state goes up and just starts banging on the hall. Hey big guy, it's Mimaw. I got some people that want to meet you. You see the light in the cabin turns off. We saw the light. It turns back on. It pertains like he's retired, but I saw him out fighting against Glenn's army. Buddy, I saw you out there yesterday. You were wearing a mask, but you stand out like a sore thumb That wasn't me. So now we know you're there fuck oh
Starting point is 00:33:30 Is this guy why is he being so weird tail you himself? Hard one sure foot Opens the cabin door a crack So I do a perception check on the crack. Yeah, go So I do a perception check on the crack. Yeah, go ahead and do a perception check. It's going to be a 12th. OK, it's mostly dark. Mima gestures to Callie and Saul and goes hard one.
Starting point is 00:34:00 This is Saul Bufo and Clivey Petracore. They are headed into the Iron Deep Mountains. and I thought maybe it would be good for all of you if maybe you served as their god. Hard one? I'm sorry, did you say? Hard one? Like a D hard one? No.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Wait, what hard one are you talking about? I'm talking about in the Feywild. There's the story about this guy. Hard one, sure foot, that he started a war between these sunflower trolls and we lost a bunch of pixies because of it. Hard one opens the door a little bit more. What happened? I had not heard about that. I had just seen a copy of this ship in the Launchpad Museum, and I'm piezing it all together, but that sounds way more interesting.
Starting point is 00:34:48 Yes. Hard one is one of the Titans of Bohemia. He, along with my daughter, Moonchan Sabin. And you haven't heard of her. She was kind of part of that troll thing as well. What? Yeah. You wiped out love, Pimsy. I think she was the first one to grab the zoo, though.
Starting point is 00:35:07 Yeah. Oh, it's a good thing. That it was me. You're sort of like an anti-hero, that. Yeah, really. Jake, go ahead and describe your character. Go ahead, Lee. So yeah, hard one, hard one at this point in his life,
Starting point is 00:35:23 he is about 80, 90. Hard one is technically like 230 years old. He was about 30 years old in the first campaign. He's about 230 now. But you guys saw in Cali, look at Hard one and he looks like a middle aged half-elf. So something's up, something's going on with him. He should be dead.
Starting point is 00:35:51 But go on, I'll describe your character. Okay, so I'm not dead. And even though hard one is six foot six, he is just not standing as tall. His chest isn't puffed out, his shoulders are kind of hunched, and his clothes, which used to hug every inch of muscle on his body, they're hanging a little loose, especially in the calf and quaggy region. His pants look a little baggy. His beard and hair are kind of like wild and untamed, unbreded in the dwarf and fashion that are usually. I whispered, I whispered a soul,
Starting point is 00:36:28 I must have made a witch's bargain. I'll just put it in the chest. Yeah, it's probably why I got rid of all the pixies and then he got longer life. He's not making the most of it. I thought that was why his pants were baggy. Oh, actually, yeah, he could have gotten, he could have wished for baggy a pack.
Starting point is 00:36:44 Mimo, what are they whispered about? Is that like the curse though? It's, he could have wished for baggy a pack. Mimo, what are they whispering? Is that like the first though? It's like he gets longer life with baggy or pants. Every year of his life that gets longer. Which is a trick. You can't really hear anything because the doors only open a crack. It's like in a hard way. No, he's been doing a lot of traveling on the astro plane.
Starting point is 00:36:58 When you're on the astro plane, you don't need to eat or drink or sleep and you don't age. So he's a half ill. So he should be about 230 years old, but he's only aged to be about 80 or 90. And he insists that he's retired, but really he is just taking a little break. And I think he could use a little time
Starting point is 00:37:16 outside of the boat. Isn't that right, hard one? I am enjoying my golden years. He's, you're so young though, hard one, you haven't. Not at heart, not at heart. I feel that. I feel that. Okay, everyone.
Starting point is 00:37:33 Yes, can really weigh on you. I agree with that, but maybe we can all list. Just subject to it. Okay, here is the friend. You lose a friend. You gain 10 years. Yeah, we can hang. Yeah, you guys need to spend a few years on the boat?
Starting point is 00:37:47 I'm telling you, it goes well. I can't get the door in. All right, all right. Where do you go to, Mo? I'm looking for a moping blanket. Geez, everything was broken but that door. Yeah, hard one. Do you want to explain the, as everybody hops onto the boat
Starting point is 00:38:02 and kicks the door in? Do you want to explain what the interior of the boat looks like these days? Yeah, I would love to. So this boat was never really pristine or anything, but a hard one is kind of like a pack rat. So he's collected a lot of like cool stuff over his adventures, but it kind of looks like a flea market
Starting point is 00:38:21 meets a college dorm room now, because he spent the last like three years letting himself and the interior of the boat go. I see we're doing this Cinder block bookshelf. Yeah. That's good because you could put all the cans of beans on it. Saul like peaks into the bathroom and sees that there are grooming products are just not being used. They're all they're all piled in the same.
Starting point is 00:38:46 Alright, I thought maybe everybody could help like bring each other up, but I also don't want everyone to help kind of each other. No, Kalibe is eating a kid in a beans. In the corner wearing a blanket. Those are the good beans. Hold on, let me get you a bigger spoon.
Starting point is 00:39:03 There's dinner every night at the bonfire. He invite you. Where is my hospitality? Callie, you said, can I get you a bigger spoon for the beans? I'll be using my hands. Let me get you a bean spoon. Yeah. You're hard to start kicking a bunch of buckets.
Starting point is 00:39:18 Shit, it's here somewhere. I noticed you had a lot of bugs in your beard. You know what I mean? Did it just like pluck those out for you? There's bugs in the beard. Yeah, it's a couple crawling around in there. Are you saying that? Because you want to help me or because you're hungry from that.
Starting point is 00:39:35 You know what, kid, things people. Why can't we be sad, but also going on an adventure. Okay, you eat the beans, you eat the bugs. All right. Do you have any aspirational magazines? I could just really self-flagelite with aspirational magazines. Yeah, you know, just like with articles of people who are doing really well. I have an old maxim.
Starting point is 00:39:54 I'm looking for hot people who are doing better than me. A hard one roosts around his. You don't mind me spilling beans on. I open the cabinet to my bathroom. There's a bunch of maxim and Magnesians there. Are you stealing Petri's Maxums again? Just the, just the Jessica Simpson ones. All right.
Starting point is 00:40:13 All right. He has a sadness in her. All right. I need to be getting back to it. The old folks that need to be tended to, we should be able to keep them safe. But I got to get back to the rest of my people, but hard one our friends here Cali and Saul are visiting they defeated King Duratar they they beat the hot king of the blue dragon Elbs
Starting point is 00:40:38 So these are real seasoned adventurers, but they do not know their way through the iron deep mountains and seasoned adventurers, but they do not know their way through the Iron Deep Mountains, and they've got a giant that they're going after. So I thought maybe you could, at the very least, impart some wisdom on them. So with that, I'm out. You see she turns into a bird. Me too.
Starting point is 00:40:57 I hold up an empty can of beans. I crack another. Cheers. Cheers. Don't ever let me see the bottom of this bean As Mima flies away easy on the beans Let's let's solve our problem right you tell the beans to be easy on me Let's not try out our problems in beans. Yeah, a diet of bugs and beans. There's got to be diversity. I understand
Starting point is 00:41:22 Yeah, a diet of bugs and beans. There's gotta be diversity. I understand. All right. Mima flaps off. And you guys are left in the very sad bachelor pad of what you, I mean, Cali, you are from the Feywild, so you do have like storybook adventures come true like every day and insane things happen. So you know, hard one's hard one.
Starting point is 00:41:42 He's like just another kind of hero that you've heard of. He's a pixie exterminator. He's a pixie exterminator. We'll add that to my nickname list. And Saul, you would definitely know hard one and moonshine and Beverly from your time at Launchpad and stuff. Right. He had defeated the cleric Theala.
Starting point is 00:42:01 Yeah, I think I like think back to the like illustration of hard one in the book that I read and then I look at him currently and I'm like, yeah, she's still got it. I do a weird thumbs up. Without breaking eye contact with Jessica Simpson. I'm a hard one. I hate her. So did she fight alongside the possum?
Starting point is 00:42:23 We saw a really good puppet show about possum. Who Jessica? No, she was on it. Oh, you mean you. Oh, me. Yeah, yeah. Oh, did I? Yeah, I did.
Starting point is 00:42:36 I- The puppet show gave the possum all for credit. The possum deserves a lot of credit, so yeah. The puppet show sounds like it did the possum justice. Okay. I go back to studying Jessica Simpson's sad eyes. I wonder what happened to her. A hard one clears off some maxims from his futons and takes a taxidermy crow off a chair.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Here, sit. Thank you. I can't even throw off a chair. Here, sit, sit. Thank you. I'm not sure why Mimal thinks I can be helpful, but if you have any questions about the Iron Deep Mountains, it's where I come from, I know them well. Okay. I mean, if you are the hard one, sure,
Starting point is 00:43:18 but I'm sure you can be tons of help. We're looking for a giant that stole our friend. His name is Ultras. Ultras. Yeah. Do you know him? I know of Ultras. And if he is the kind of giant I think he is and I think I know why he'd be going too iron deep. He's trying to forge an alliance with the Fire Giant. They live under the mountains there. Fire giants? The fire giants. I didn't realize that there were fire giants, I thought there were just dwarves and iron deep. The fire giants are there. They've always been there. They are in the mountains before iron deep. Oh,
Starting point is 00:44:00 okay. Well that doesn't seem great. Yeah, we should probably stop that alliance because to be truthful with you, because Jessica Simpson is inspiring. She's watching us, you know, so freely. Because she is so honest about who she is, you know, and I really like that. She puts it all out there. Remember the chicken of the sea, too, and the thing?
Starting point is 00:44:23 She's got a clue about that. It was vulnerable. I really admire how much you can get from so little, Kylie. Anyway. Let's keep this poster up, really. Hi. Jessica Simpson, he brought on my face so that I can talk, but it looks like it's coming through her mouth.
Starting point is 00:44:39 Oh, come on. Jessica, you barely touched your beans. It's cool. Anyway, to be as naked as Jessica Simpson is willing to be for Maxum, I'm going to tell you that we're already not sure that we can even take on Ultras, let alone some sort of giant alliance. We need to sequester him and fight him on his own. Okay, Mima told me to tell you everything I could about Iron Deep, the mountains and Ultras I suppose.
Starting point is 00:45:14 So I guess I'm doing that by telling you not to go. Ultras is too powerful, the mountains will kill you if the mountains don't kill you, Ultras will kill you. Okay, I'm sorry, it's absolutely not an option the mountains don't kill you, Altrus will kill you. Okay, I'm sorry, it's absolutely not an option that we don't go. Our friend is stuck in his helmet. Oh, okay. I'm sure this is like something you've experienced before.
Starting point is 00:45:36 Never trying to remember, it's been 200 years. I don't think I've ever been stuck as anything, even briefly. Guys, gotta give me inside jokes. Yeah. Shout out to the two crew me insight, Jace. Yeah. Shout out to the two crew. Okay, that's a 15. Okay.
Starting point is 00:45:49 Kale, you think me. I look at him and I'm like, yeah, because you're so busy, Ben, because yourself, I feel that. I feel that. Yeah. But Sal is up. You sense that he is kind of projecting a bit.
Starting point is 00:46:03 The hard one, Shorefoot, that you learned about and everything would never say not to do something because it's too dangerous, even though it's the right thing. Mr. Shorefoot did something happen out there in the astral plane, like you? Not to be forward, but you don't really seem like the hard one that I've learned about Yeah, well that was that was a different a different time. I was a younger half-elf then and
Starting point is 00:46:38 Maybe there was a time when I would have wanted to go out to the iron deep mountains and help you guys Save your friend, but we didn't even ask you that Old me would have done if you're the one to bring it up, I would love to have you. You were clenching your fist as you were speaking about it. Yeah, it just made me think about all the good times I had in the mountains, but those days are over. I am retired and happily retired in my dad. So it looks at the poster of Jessica Simpson with beans on her mouth. I Cut a little hole so I can eat it through her mouth. Oh, I wish you wouldn't have done that to my Jessica Simpson poster
Starting point is 00:47:14 It's a beautiful painting. Who commissioned this? I can't believe you guys have ruined dark ones for your production I'll may have like 40 more of those Jessica Simpson and beans on the heaven. Now you get why I don't want to leave. I mean, if, look, I would have never presumed to ask, but I mean, now that you've casually mentioned it, it makes me think that it's crossed your mind, which makes me think you don't have a scheduling conflict, which makes me feel confident enough to be like, hey, what's up? Do you want to go to the mountains with us? Yeah, the truth is all of the other elves are super busy right now because there's like a million things wrong in the living wood
Starting point is 00:47:57 and I think like you might be our best bet at like figuring out how to get through iron deep and survive. And also like, we look like a duo, but we want to be a trio again. You know, the way the way you said, do I like want to come to the mountains? The way you said all the other elves were busy does make me kind of consider the idea. But your first choice, let me be clear. I... It's okay, I respect your space. I just don't want to be a liability.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Okay. Well, do you mind if I just kind of like hang out here and sort of like, I don't know, eat some beans and look at Jessica. This is a great cabin for doing both of those things. Okay, so I'm going to go out to the, is there like a patio I can use? A balcony? Yeah, I'm going to go up to the poop deck, bring my beans and Jessica Simpson. Oh God. And then I want to find serpent. Oh.
Starting point is 00:49:10 And have my serpent attack me. Basically use my fine steed and have it attack me. So that year's it. Kelly, you've been saying. So I'm like, I saw you at a home gym. Yeah, there's the kettlebell there. It's kind of greasy with bean juice, but it's better. Oh, Kelly, outside you see this.
Starting point is 00:49:36 It's super serpent. Kelly, Jessica! It's super innocent. The deeply sad eyes is nipping at Kelly. Saul. Oh my God. I accept her for accepting as a lover. Hard one, give me an inside check with disadvantage.
Starting point is 00:49:56 Can I make a deception check? Yes. Okay. Saul, I'll say, you know that the serpent would not attack. If she does well under deception, can you say she winked at me? I definitely do. 24.
Starting point is 00:50:11 22. Whoa! Okay, so hard one. You feel like you've got a great read on this situation. Some kind of, you've heard of all this stuff with like, Sawyer coming back to the Creek and everything. This must have been some kind of, you've heard of all this stuff with like, Sawyer coming back to the Crick and everything, this must have been some kind of assassin sent by Sawyer to destroy the remaining heroes of the Crick. You see the serpent is going after Callie.
Starting point is 00:50:35 Quick, Hardware, that's our greatest foe! Not on my boat. I'm gonna crash us through the decking. Draws his grade acts. Oh, sick, yeah. Hard one pulls out the axe, runs over to this serpent. You look so you can serve, Galley. I whisper, I love you so fucking much. I'm gonna call you back tomorrow. I promise.
Starting point is 00:50:57 You see the serpents nods. I go ahead and make an attack. Oh, hard one. So it does the whole alone gesture with his, he puts his hands on his jeans. I rolled a net. I rolled a net one on my first try. What? Ah! Ah!
Starting point is 00:51:12 Hard one, there's too much bean juice on the ax. Is there a way I can give hard one Bartik inspiration without him knowing I did it? I'm gonna flash a really hot tip forward shot of Jessica Simpson You'll crease the poster serpent Jesus God there's stashed everywhere. Okay, so with a one what is your what is your role with a one hard one with a one that is
Starting point is 00:51:41 11 okay, so that is an 11. Okay, so go ahead and if you use your, if you burn a bardic inspiration, wait, 11 hits the wall. 11 hits I would say a one would normally auto fail on this, but I'll say that with a bardic inspiration, Callie inspires you.
Starting point is 00:51:56 And you begin to lose your grip on the X because of the bean juice, but then you just grab it with the tips of your fingers, flip it around, the muscle memory comes back and you swing down onto the serpent. And you see as soon as you hit the serpent, and Callie, you get the sense, you like dismiss it at the same time,
Starting point is 00:52:16 serpent doesn't feel pain or anything, it's an avatar. I think I have it jump over the ledge and dismiss it so that it disappears. Yes. So as soon as you hit it, it explodes into starfire and disappears. I cradle Jessica Simpson, poster in my arms. He ruined it.
Starting point is 00:52:37 He ruined it. He ruined the show. He finally said it. Finally admitted it. Hard on short, but God for three years. It's a maximum magazine collector. Just magazines fluttering like snow all around us. Yeah, various Jessica's and at various stages in her career. Swirling around.
Starting point is 00:53:10 Wow, it's kind of beautiful. It falls to the deck like snow. Look, that was amazing. Thank you. I'm so sorry. I didn't even know anyone would be after us. Yeah, we live a pretty dangerous life. Well, I guess so.
Starting point is 00:53:27 You know, you're lucky I was here. At your house? Yeah, that you don't leave? I don't know if you guys should be alone. Don't think we should. No, okay. Gone up to a poop tech and immediately had an assassination attempt.
Starting point is 00:53:44 Yeah, and we can't keep my posters at risk like this. Let's lock them away. Great idea. Okay, if anyone is gonna get you to Iron Deep, I think it should be me. I'm so glad to hear you say that. Um, do me one favor. If I start to slow you down, you leave me behind. That's not really how we operate.
Starting point is 00:54:11 Yeah, I was gonna say that's like really not what we do. Not our style. Okay. Yeah. Cool. Alright, I'm still in. Oh, you should meet our mascot, by the way, or our friend, I should say. This is foster form.
Starting point is 00:54:23 Oh yeah. I reach out this duck. I am a bit of a bird enthusiast. I think of the taxigurby one downstairs and take foster bath. You can put them in my arms. I had a bird just like foster ones. Beanie. I got a point of bet.
Starting point is 00:54:40 I duck. It was a duckish. Duckish. Have you ever seen a black duck with a pointy or a bee like a loon? Not that but the flappy one I can't it a goose smaller I think he's talking about the raven that was in his that's the one yeah, yeah, yeah, right, okay, right How did that work out? Coco lived a long and healthy life. I think he was happy till the day he perished a old age.
Starting point is 00:55:10 But I had. I think he was. It's just weird that like the statue looked like it was screaming. He thought the statue had had really old beans in its throat and it's not clear. If that is where a hard one was storing beans. Yeah. Or if he was feeding Cocoans and he showed to them. I couldn't tell because I couldn't tell if it was like taxidermy glue or like a crystallized
Starting point is 00:55:32 tear rolling down his cheek. I shed many crystalline tears over that bird. Anyway, we used to call ourselves the duck team. I don't know if we can call ourselves that anymore, but we can call ourselves the crow crew in all of your cock-off The hard one Wells up a little bit. I think knowing cock-off as well as I did Do you really like that? Maybe we can bring his call so long with us.
Starting point is 00:56:05 I think I think I'd really like that. Sure, yeah, we can make room. It's all through us at our potion. Hard one breaks the base off of the taxidermy burden. Where's it like a necklace? Jesus Christ. I don't really need to pack, because I keep most of my stuff in a backpack anyway.
Starting point is 00:56:27 So I'm down to go. Okay, right now. Okay, yeah, we're talking to me today. Uh huh. Oh, today, yeah. So you think you could do that. Yeah, let me be very candid. I think we're gonna die.
Starting point is 00:56:39 That's what I'm saying. It sounds like you guys are going no matter what, with or without me. Mr. Shurford, we have had this exact conversation about how we think we're going to die, like two or three times already. Yeah, see how? I can tell you, it'll be, yeah,
Starting point is 00:56:51 it'll be in the Iron D mountains for sure. Okay, well, so what we do is like before certain battles will be like, okay, if I die, leave my body. Okay. So that's allowed, but we don't do it like as a general thing. All right, so if I die, leave my body, I can say that. Yeah, we're all about like a firm like living will and trust about like specifically what to do with the bodies,
Starting point is 00:57:10 but like we're not going to let you die. All right. Also, I hold out our little blue flower, the little glory of the snow flower. And I'm like, I know that this maybe looks like nothing to you, but it would mean the world to me if we could get this to the guy in Ultras' hat. A flower for the guy in that. Yeah, simple enough.
Starting point is 00:57:35 This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall in the age-old battle between the two, you can rest assured that bird dogs has you covered. Now, we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily bird dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, bird dogs invented a cloud-knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement.
Starting point is 00:58:15 And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti style tumbler go to birddogs.com slash pop-up or enter promo code pop-up at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-up or promo code pop-up for a free Yeti style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you.
Starting point is 00:58:47 Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Okay, okay, and I guess like, can I just use a bathroom one more time? Yeah, you're gonna take a picture. Yeah, you're gonna take a picture. You're the poster in there. Usually I have Jessica Simpson stuffed it down. I just ask because there's already a bunch in there. Hahaha. Easy, I have Jessica Simpson stuffed it down. I just asked because there's already a bunch in there. Hahaha. Oh, I mean, I guess let's put some beans in foster, right?
Starting point is 00:59:14 Right. Yeah, you guys need rashes. Yeah. Yeah, this is a hard one would know that it's gonna be like a 10 day hike. Wow. Okay. I don't imagine the airship works anymore. Oh, this whole thing, it breaks under the darkness.
Starting point is 00:59:29 What? He falls through into the hole. In literally, it does not look like it just, cause hard one, I mean, Mimaw said it herself and hard one is said it through conversation. That he's been here, he's only been back for three years. This looks like it's been here for decades. It looks like he probably crashed it here.
Starting point is 00:59:51 Like there was enough damage from probably flying over the Iron Deep Mountains. Yeah, I'm telling you, there's a lot of things that can kill you there. When was the last time you were in Iron Deep? Three years ago, three years ago, I gave the Queen's Hammer back to Jaina, Bronzebeard. Oh, the ruler? The current ruler?
Starting point is 01:00:12 That's right. Oh, a dear friend. You... You had the Queen's Hammer? I think I would know about the Queen's Hammer. Yeah. For a long time I wielded the Queen's Hammer. I knew you were a hero, but to give up something so precious to you. That's that's pretty big
Starting point is 01:00:37 Yeah, well, you don't just give give something up you give something up and you trade up for something new hard when it holds up a can of beans That's right actually Bottom's up Bottom's up See? Bottoms up. Bottoms up. Why is this guy? You... Bottoms up. Beans up. I'm getting a bit bean drunk. Got a bean buzz going. Yeah, a couple of these cans have gone bad.
Starting point is 01:00:54 So I'm going to stick with the bugs. Insane. So you guys head back to the Crick Town Square with Hard One in tow. And you guys see that as you get closer to the Crick, a bunch of people are out and waving to, first off, a site to see you guys because of all you've done for the Crick. But then also to see a hard one out, there's a lot of people whispering like, hard one's out, hard one's finally come out,
Starting point is 01:01:20 hard one's coming back to the Crick, hard one's coming back. Hey hard one! Hey hard one! Hard one's visibly uncomfortable with creek. Hard one's coming back. Hey, hard one! Hey, hard one! Hard one's visibly uncomfortable with this. What's up, hard one? This is Shuffling's piece. Peace, what's up? What's up?
Starting point is 01:01:30 Anyone, you going to have your picture hard one? Yeah, hey, Peter, what's up? That's awesome! All right. That's cool. Thanks. This is great. I love you here.
Starting point is 01:01:38 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe. Yeah, you get into the town square. Mimaz kind of rushing around, trying to help everybody, and everything, and you see Mama, the dire possum, runs over to you, hard one, and hops up to jump in your arms. I go to one knee, and I catch her.
Starting point is 01:01:59 My queen. It is good to see you well, my champion. Do I look well? It is good to see you,, my champion. You wanna look well? It is good to see you, my champion. Ah! It is good to see you, my queen. I'm happy to see you outside of the ship. Yeah, it was time to feel sun on my body for once.
Starting point is 01:02:17 Well, you see she looks out at Saul and Cally and goes, you're in good hands and looks to you hard one and goes, and you are as well. They have been integral to the safety of the Crick. Saul smiles and he's got like just so many bugs in his teeth. For that I thank you, bug man, and being woman. I hope he smiles through the whole shit. I hope he smiles through the whole shit. I hope he gets it. Are you sure, before you go on this grand adventure to get your friend back, are you sure you don't want to leave the magazine?
Starting point is 01:02:54 Or you can, I can find it. Don't need to the Crick library. I can paste that to a shield for you. I was appreciate it. One of the peaches that was yelling, Hey, is that my maximum? Run. I run. See me that my maximum? Run. I run.
Starting point is 01:03:05 Oh shit. You see me, my turn's around. Wait, wait, wait. I need to take you guys to the living room. All right, right, right, right. I get really dodgy watching my Mac. Our one does, is one hand on his ax. These were communal Macs.
Starting point is 01:03:30 Yeah, you see it's been, we're about halfway through the afternoon here. Kooter is with Mimaw right now, and despite everything that's happened, he's got this kind of like hopeful look on his face. And you see he's looking over at hard one, and hard one he gives you a nod, because I think that of all of the people who have probably spent time with you over the past few years, there have not been many, but I think you and Kudur have had a lot in common and have probably shared a flask of crick water or two over the over the past couple years. Yeah, I just put my hand on his shoulder and I nod.
Starting point is 01:04:02 Yeah, he pulls you in for a hug, just kind of has a private moment with you and he whispers and he goes, I think it's time we both, we both moved on. Yeah, it's hard to let these things go, but maybe you're right. I'll see if I can get past it. but baby you're right, I'll see if I can get past it. You do the same. Yeah. No rush brother. Mima offered me a spot on the old folks circle and I'm gonna take it.
Starting point is 01:04:34 So next time you come back here, I'll be with the old folks again. It's where you belong. Yeah. Keep it a lot harder one. I give him one, don't you? You give him one, don't you? Um, and you push him off, we can call him crow bro. Show, you can do that.
Starting point is 01:04:55 Give me that magazine. He treat takes his magazine back. No, I fight him. I spied him for the maximum. You are arrested by the Crick-Elks. Careful, there's a serpent that's drawn to that magazine. I asked you about one trophy of appreciation for assassinating a dragon. All right, Peter, you have something magazine, let's you have the one.
Starting point is 01:05:19 I wish for the hard one. This is actually an improvement over our last partner. Really? Yeah, a picture of a woman is much better than planned. Oh, so here you are. Yeah. You see, Mima comes over to you guys. She looks very happy to see hard one back with this crew.
Starting point is 01:05:37 She just keeps doing like the far off nod at all three of you guys. I like this. I like this little trio. Hard one looks a little bit like a kid playing dress up in his old adventure. Yeah, you guys see, yeah, hard one has, he's still got it to a certain extent, but he has not been adventuring for several years at this point.
Starting point is 01:05:56 So he is definitely a little bit rusty. But Mima opens a gate. You see a sparkle of green magic as she tears a hole in the demi plane. We aren't even gonna have to hike. Is she sending us right there? No, unfortunately you guys are gonna have to get to the mountain but I can't get you to the living wood. Okay, okay, okay, sorry, I just got a tag.
Starting point is 01:06:18 Oh, it's all good. You see, yeah, you guys try. That's how impressive. You can, it seems pretty good. Yeah, she rips open the world and you guys go to another plane. I really like a big deal of how impressed I am. You don't have to be overly impressed.
Starting point is 01:06:30 That's not. You don't have to do this. I understand. I'm sorry, Drew. All right. Okay, I'm like 700 years old. You don't got to do this. No, it's real.
Starting point is 01:06:40 This is how she sounded with the serpent. Trust me. The serpent. Yeah, she was attacked by a serpent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is assassination attempt. You were almost assassinated by a serpent? Yeah, a silver one if you can believe it.
Starting point is 01:06:54 I attacked it with my axe. The hard one that's so good of you. I'm gonna make you feel like a serpent. The serpent almost destroyed the living wood. It was. He's back. You've got it. I think we can.
Starting point is 01:07:08 I think we can. Although it's this kind of like weird thing that there is one that looks just like him and is good. It's kind of like a, you know, cane-enabled. Right. They're twins. Yeah. Yeah, so there is one that you shouldn't attack.
Starting point is 01:07:19 I've got it. Well, yeah, we know about that one. I've got really bad ones. Yeah, so only good now. Yeah. All right. Well, yeah, we know about that one. We got rid of the bad ones. Yeah, so only good now. Yeah. All right. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:28 She gates you guys into the living wood. Right. And you guys hear the skittering and chirping of nearby animals. And she's still kind of in this frazzled, like, getting everything back. It looked like she was literally in the process of doing a ritual to like swear kudr into being old folk again right there because Not only are a bunch of them currently in the dreamscape, but a bunch of them are traders So they are dwindling in numbers right now, right? So you see me ma gives you guys all hugs and goes all right I need to get back
Starting point is 01:07:59 But I was able to get in touch with somebody to bring you to the edge of the mountain so you don't have to hike all through the woods. Oh, that's nice. And Mimak gives you guys a little salute and wings that you hard one. I toast her with a can of beans. All right, let's go easy on the beans, everyone. Hard one, let's not. No rules out, no rules out the mountains.
Starting point is 01:08:18 Okay, if we're gonna be eating the beans, let's do it as part of the adventure. Or if we like cook them on the fire as part of us going on. Sometimes you don't have time for a fire removal, but I think it's good. Let's cook those beans everybody. We're going to cook the beans. I stand in front of the portal, hold up my beans in a cheers with my back to the portal, and then do that thing where people bungee jump back where it's not looking. In saying, so you see that.
Starting point is 01:08:46 I'm not a desk to anything. Mima jumps back through the portal back to the creek as it closes and you guys are in the living wood here in the afternoon and overhead you guys hear a creature raising the tree tops and you see a deep elf ranger and a blue-gray dragon descend from above, and it's your old friend's Elzorn Ignis. Oh, I was worried we weren't gonna get to see them again. Hey, you guys need to ride to the mountains. Oh hell yeah, I thought they were gonna send us
Starting point is 01:09:14 like a Dodge Durango or something. This is way better. What is a Dodge Durango? You know a Dodge Durango is on the table. On page 98 of the maximum. What is maximum? Oh yeah, yeah. It's Jessica Simpson.
Starting point is 01:09:29 Who is Jessica Simpson? The hoods of a dodge drink. I think it's like an astral plane thing. I don't know. Okay. Well, yes, you feel rather than bring it up in this moment, you feel sort of a flaring of the rapport spores that you had shared with Ellsor in the past.
Starting point is 01:09:49 And you feel sort of an understanding about the situation with Calder. And you feel their condolences given to you. You just kind of feel that innately like a warmth, like a warm hug, and Ellsor sends a message to you guys as a message in your guys head and goes you guys are amazing I know you're gonna get them back thanks Elzor I hope I hope your mom's okay and I think you know what when that day comes they come like a great ruler oh thanks actually
Starting point is 01:10:20 igneous and I are the new head rangers of my uncle's old outpost Val and Boulder are rebuilding it, but my mom finally agreed that it's paramount that we have deep elves out in the woods So I'm out of the cave. Yes, we can just ride around You see hard what you're watching this talk. They're having some kind of psychic conversation Cali's just occasionally saying something out loud and And you see, yeah, Elzor is just pumping their fists. All right, shall we get going then? Absolutely. Elzor gestures to Agnias, and Agnias goes, hi guys, ha ha.
Starting point is 01:10:55 Agnias! I like you. I like you. Agnias lowers her neck and lowers her tail. Hey, what's this? Salt produces a mushroom from his hand. Oh my goodness, that's incredible. I'm a part of the network now, I'm a part of the network.
Starting point is 01:11:08 Yeah, so like, if you ever need anything, just let me know. So I'm going to Iron Deep if you need anything from there. Yeah, I'll take a new hat. Okay, I'll be on the lookout. I'm dragging where I'm at. Gosh, that's gonna be great. Hard one's slap, saw on the back. I don't know, you were part of the network.
Starting point is 01:11:23 Yeah, it just happened. Congratulations. I'm still getting used to it. I don't really part of the network. Yeah, it just happened. Congratulations. They'll get used to it. I don't really know what it means, but I can do this. It's popping out of your mushroom out. It's a big deal, I think you'll find out. Wow, you know so much about a few things. Yeah, I've picked another bug out of his beard.
Starting point is 01:11:38 Igneus is a little bit too small to ride fast with all of you guys, but can certainly carry all of you at like a slow pace, but is able to get you guys up. So you see, um, yeah, you guys are all able to get onto Ignis's back with Elzor, and she launches off the ground and into the sky above the tree tops. And you guys feel the breeze in your hair as the sun is beating down on a beautiful day. Hard one is probably the first time you've flown in a long time, probably since you crashed your airship three years ago. This is what it feels like. And all around you, you guys see dragons of different colors riding safely through the sky. Before they'd
Starting point is 01:12:15 have to kind of hide out amongst the tree line, but now there is no more kind of war between the different orders. And deep in the distance behind you, you can see the city of Esri once again, a light with magical technology. It looks like Mob Goblin was able to finally get everything up and running again. And ahead of you, you see the vast mountain range of the Iron Deep Mountains. The tips of the peaks are hidden behind clouds
Starting point is 01:12:43 and a fog permeates the trails that lead through the valley. Ignis and Elzor bring you guys to the edge of the forest and you guys dismount on the edge of a rocky trail leading you into the mountains. And Elzor goes, We'll have to part here. There are cloud breaker birds up ahead that will rip us out of the sky and I need to be getting back to my post. But be sure to stop by the living wood the next time you're here. Well, do. And thank you for thank you for everything you've done.
Starting point is 01:13:13 And congratulations. Thank you. We're going to bring you back a hat. Oh yeah. You're going to bring me back a hat. Oh, right. Well, we're probably bring Elzor one too. I'll take a hat. Okay, that'd be great. A matchy matchy. Oh, mismatching. You bring Elzor one too. I'll take a hat. Okay, that'd be great. That matchy matchy. Oh, mismatching. You know what?
Starting point is 01:13:28 Let's do matchy matchy. I think I'm like, snapbacks or like toboggan. I don't know what a snapback is. Yeah, you guys are saying a lot of makeup made up stuff right now. Yeah, it's a trucker hat. I think I know this spot. Okay. Von Dutch.
Starting point is 01:13:42 Von Dutch, the saddest. Von Dutch just not exist. There's not a dwarven blacksmith named Von Dutch. Von Dutch is not exist. Von Dutch is not exist. There's not a dwarven blacksmith named Von Dutch. So, so this makes this for a deep elf fare well and says Von Dutch does not exist. Elzor just looks at you, Cali. I'll see you next time. Okay, bye. Alright, yeah, you see Elzor and Ignis fly off. I look to hard one. Okay, but now. Oh, okay, right.
Starting point is 01:14:08 So they mentioned the Cloudbreakers. John first tried to eat you. We also have Noles who are hunting us, starting right now every single day, every night. They will gain on us. So we need to outrun the Noles without being eaten and picked apart by the cloud breakers. We also have fire giants who may venture up, try to kill us. You've got the stone
Starting point is 01:14:32 giants who think that we are a waking dream for them and might try to crush us or trap us. It sounded really good in the trap. Yeah, no, no, that's not good. And then, you know, not to mention just the various pitfalls and death traps of the mountains, themselves, the sheer drops, the icy peaks, caves, closing in on you and suffocating you. So yeah, let's, well, I don't follow me. I'm gonna be in the trips over a route.
Starting point is 01:14:59 I heard one brutally twisted stuff. I slide the route. Yeah. Kill it. I'll be it done. It doesn't go. It's going to be it. We needed him. We didn't.
Starting point is 01:15:10 We didn't. We didn't do nothing but out of it. Because you fucking ate the roof. Bitch. Bitch. Foster. Foster. Foster.
Starting point is 01:15:19 You head up. You're beating it to your mouth. You hit your head up. Oh, you lost another friend. I'm just dead weight, I fucking knew it. Oh, good god. Yeah, you guys feed Arnwood Beans after Twits' his ankle this time. A pop on sale, or man? Yes, and you guys are at the edge of the woods here, and Arnwood leads you into the
Starting point is 01:15:42 melons. You are at the start of this rocky trail, the greenery and lush plant life quickly gives way to rocky desert as you head into the mountains. You feel a cold chill whipping through the canyons here and immediately your vision becomes hazy with fog. Even the birds here seem uneasy and unlike the living wood, you hear very little life here. And you all find yourselves on a thin rocky path, traveling through two enormous mountain ranges. The path winds into the craggy unknown as the terrain becomes inconsistent. And as hard one has relayed, the trip is going to take about 10 days. And the way this is going to work with Knowles chasing after you is you guys are going to
Starting point is 01:16:31 roll a survival check at the beginning of the day to determine if you hit any setbacks. At the end of the day, you'll do a con save to determine what your pace was factoring in any setbacks that you faced. So the nobles are competing against this role to try to find you. They will show up after three fails. You get two fails if they beat you by more than five. And if the nobles catch up to you,
Starting point is 01:16:57 I'll say a hard one kind of relays this to you guys. You guys can beat a pack of nobles in a fight easily. The problem is is that once they really get your sense, they will keep coming night after night after night, and you guys won't be able to sleep, and they eventually wear you down. A hard one, can I ask a question? What are some of the nobles like favorite prey?
Starting point is 01:17:21 Flush. Oh, so just. Flush, yeah. Humanoid. Epequid is okay. Like an animal that they go after. They're like wild dogs. Like they sniff out meat and they pursue it and they tear it apart. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:36 So it is humanoids is a big thing. They can take down a giant if there's a bunch of packs of them and there's like a stone giant walking alone or something like that, they will attack animals and whatnot just, yeah, meat. I think I was like wondering about finding an animal here because I feel like they're acclimated to the habits of the nose and we could be like, hey, can you help us save passage? But if you think that they're more about humanoid and giants, that might be a waste of time. Yeah, I think the main thing is us out running them. Okay, great.
Starting point is 01:18:10 We just got a haul ass. Love it, I'm ready. Sweet, so you guys are heading to West on day one. On both sides of your mountains that seem to get taller and taller, the unmarked path gives way to stone very quickly and it becomes unclear which way you should go. You do clock right away that there are no
Starting point is 01:18:29 and animal tracks heading in different directions, different packs. Looks like it was a few days ago, so it's not like they're right here. But you also see a band in climbing gear and it looks like other people have headed into caves and tunnels nearby and stuff. Go ahead and give me a survival or nature check to determine your hike through the day. And I'll say one person can kind of be the lookout or the leader here. I look at Saul, assuming he's the one. Saul, yeah, in his early days, grew up in a slightly rougher environment, which was terrorized by a pack of dog people. So, he's used to being hunted by dogs. They were bullies not trying to rip my flesh away, but they were there and they did give me a lot of wedgies.
Starting point is 01:19:13 Sick, so yeah, so hard one knows the general direction and he can point out the landmarks and stuff, but Saul, you probably have the better survival as far as being an outdoorsman. Yeah, it is a little dry for my taste But you know as long as you can just like slather some beans on my back to keep me moist. I should be good Yeah, I think we have enough beans. I think we need to save that You can eat the beans just give me the juice. Well the juice is the best part of the beans. All right, yeah, hard to greet He can see Foster looks really disappointed Yeah, hard agree. You can see Foster looks really disappointed.
Starting point is 01:19:44 Oh, he must've had a sad, odd, dark, dark, dark. Don't worry, you'll have two beans too, Mr. Dome. Foster ate the max. Foster! I do the high mukbang maneuver. All right, it's all gonna roll survival. Yeah. Ooh, that is going to be a 22.
Starting point is 01:20:05 22, great. That is no setback. So you guys just have smooth sailing for the first day. You're winding around slowly climbing the mountain and you continue heading west and make it a solid 25 miles without much event. But you see that, yeah, the sun begins to go down and you were getting to the point of hiking where you were going to start taking levels of exhaustion and people who don't have dark vision
Starting point is 01:20:32 are going to be rolling with disadvantage on things like perception and what not. I have a magical membrane that can give me dark vision over my eyes, so we could push ahead and I could keep kind of guiding us, but if people want to rest, that would have to havedark vision. Whatever you want whenever we want to rest I have a way to keep us safe But I'm good to push. I think like So thanks about
Starting point is 01:20:55 Pulder being so far ahead of them and like maybe makes kind of a reckless move Okay, it's to push ahead a little bit great. Um, the hard one just having the rush of a new adventure Doesn't want to stop you there great., I can lie a piece of fucking follower Oh my god Foster hops into your arms looks like you desperately I'm still king host choking. Yeah, we're trying to gas up hard one Yeah, you guys keep going everybody give me constitutions a big throws. Okay Dirty 20 19. Okay, um, you guys both pass. Uh, shout out to the two crew
Starting point is 01:21:32 Saul you are exhausted. Go heading to me a survival check with disadvantage. I just all lead to guys through the dark Okay, so do you want to just like stop if you're exhausted? No, it's okay. It's okay. Just put more beans on my back Again, that kind of reserved for the eating and the drinking. I was gonna say there's some problems beans can't fix, but I would have been wrong. Put that on a tissue. I would laugh so hard. Alright, let's see if Saul can pull this out of his vent. Okay. Survival? Yep, just a 13.
Starting point is 01:22:04 Okay. Hard one, you know these mountains enough that you start to feel that you are heading in the wrong direction or just walking out of the way. You guys are no longer like heading to west. You guys are starting to climb a mountain. There are faster ways to go. And you guys clock that Saul is sweating and tired
Starting point is 01:22:25 and gassed out. All right. and you guys clock that Saul is sweating and tired and gassed out. All right. I think let's call it, huh? All right. Frog man. No, we can keep going. We gotta find him, we gotta find him, we got this, we got this, right?
Starting point is 01:22:35 We have to, if you wanna save your friend, we have to survive the entire hike, tiring deep. We can't die on day two. All right, so let's get some sleep. I'm fair enough, I guess we did fight the King of All Dragons like two days ago. Maybe I'm feeling a little residual afterburn.
Starting point is 01:22:50 Yeah, and you ate a lot of bugs from my beard. I thought the bugs in the beans would mix? They did not. They might have been beans in the beard. Are you sure they were bugs? Saul thinks back. They were beans. I think they were just hairy beans.
Starting point is 01:23:04 All right, let's get some rest. Okay. Okay, everyone stand back. They were beans. I think they were just hairy beans. Alright, let's get some rest. Okay. Okay, everyone stand back. I'm going to cast Liaman's tiny duck. Oh! And I'm gonna put my hands on Foster. And he starts growing, growing, growing. He's like, I'm gonna take that you can walk into the mouth of.
Starting point is 01:23:22 Oh, is it like the fucking cat was? It's Liaman's tiny hut, but it's with faster. Yeah, I never did that Foster expands and opens his mouth and you see a warm home inside I had torn it with Jessica's It's not it's not staying up. Foster, she's there rejecting it. Do you have any putty? Kalaipi. Yeah, I need to post your putty. Keeps falling off the wall.
Starting point is 01:23:51 I just apple pie. Fine, he's falling off. It's amazing. All right, we're gonna have to hammer it in. You guys are, yeah. Maybe I, you know what, I'll just hold it in place. Oh, that's perfect. Kelly, what does the inside of Liamundsteiny Duck look like?
Starting point is 01:24:08 Well, I literally just made the on the fly decision. I had a whole idea of what it was going to be. It was going to be a retrofuturist. It can still be that on the inside. But now that I've made it on the fly, I think it can. Yeah, okay. Then I think it looks like a retrofuturistic air stream. Whoa. Shit. This is awesome, then I think it looks like a retro futuristic air stream. Whoa.
Starting point is 01:24:25 Shit. This is awesome. Can I do a beanie curtain? Absolutely. It's actually a bucket of them. Like an umbrella bucket, but pubi did cut. Guys, it's not really surprising, but this bed is very comfortable. Yeah, it's a duck feathers.
Starting point is 01:24:40 Oh, yeah. Well, I thought it was memory foam. I know. No, the memory of thought it was memory foam. I know. Now the memory of the ducks that gave a feathers to it. Rest in peace. Yeah. Sweet, yeah, I'll say, and I'll say
Starting point is 01:24:53 Fosters got like a little fireplace inside of your desert. Yeah, I think everything is like duck themes, right? Like, you know, like the little, when you open the cabinets, there's like that linoleum that's like got little ducks on it. Oh, yeah. There's like a bar cart with like ducks
Starting point is 01:25:09 with like the little head of the stoppers is ducks. The soap dispensers look like little ducks. There's ducks on the linen. Oh, well, there's a bathtub with a rubber duck in it. Yeah, it's like kind of like, it's the centipede quite lits really, because it's in the middle. Yeah. It's too much. It's too dark.
Starting point is 01:25:27 You see in the moments that Foster would normally quack, you just hear an echoing all encompassing and the walls cave in. Yeah, they're so. Yeah, I think it's like it's almost like the it's almost like the air stream of someone who Foster is a celebrity too. So, great. And as you guys make your camp for the night, you can pick one person that was kind of like setting the pace
Starting point is 01:25:54 that can do a con save, and they are going to be the one that sets the DC that the noils are trying to hit. All right. I've got this. Yeah, yeah. You've seen this, yeah. Okay. 16. Alright. I've got this. Yeah. Yeah. You've seen this stud. Yes.
Starting point is 01:26:10 16. Okay. Can I flash a Jessica Simpson for Bardock? Absolutely not. If I had asked something else, would you have said yes? Yes. I like living in the soil. Okay. So you guys actually did not take on any setbacks. Chances are the nobles won't gain on you, but let me go ahead and roll for them. You asshole. That's an app 20. Congrats, Pat. You guys do here the distant howling of noles. Just so you know that this is,
Starting point is 01:26:48 the dome is opaque from the outside of any color you choose, obviously duck wallpaper. But it, I think a nice pastoral scene with ducks. But it is transparent from the inside. So we can see. You guys can see. Oh nice, okay. Yeah, you guys here, distant howling.
Starting point is 01:27:04 Actually, everybody go ahead and give me Survival or perception checks That's another nats 20 Wow 14 okay, dirty 20 okay, I use the duck periscope and it will help you Yeah, you look out the windows here and you guys are all listening and you guys here distant Sound like they need a throat tea, right? Kind of. This.
Starting point is 01:27:30 Where? Yeah, you hear distant noles, and hard one, you, it strikes you that they are onto you and they're on your trail, which is not great, that is one fail. But Saul, with a nat 20 survival check, it sounds like they are still far away. Okay. So they are aware that there's some fresh meat in the mountains, but they are not completely
Starting point is 01:28:01 onto you yet. Okay. Hard one, Kelly, is there anything we can do to like throw them off our trail? We like, you know. I could, what I could do is I could rub all of our scents all over some things and then. I mean like rub beans all over something.
Starting point is 01:28:16 Yeah, rub a bunch of beans. Off, like all over some stuff, maybe sacrifice the maximum to do it. Next idea. Create an unseen serpent, which is an unseen serpent, and just tell them to run with it. Oh, that could buy us some time, seriously. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:35 So we just like kind of rub our bodies on the serpent. We could rub the beans directly. OK, yeah. Yeah, you guys make a majestic beast out of starfire and you rub it down with beans. Not the juice. Rub it down with dry beans and save the juice. You put it through a strainer and you keep the juice.
Starting point is 01:28:58 Like you. It's good thing you have those dry beans too. Are you planning on making baked beans? You never know. Mr. Surefoot, you haven't lost a step at all. I'm 230 years old. I might get a hobby someday. I think I could do this for like a bit because if I just keep doing this, I can buy them time because I only need four hours to trans. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:17 I actually only need four hours to trans too. I just usually do it in eight because I feel like I was about 12 hours last night. Really? Yeah, I feel gruggied. Wow. All right, so yeah, maybe just transfer you. Yeah, you send out the unseen invisible serpent out with your sense in a different direction. You know from my spell stick that I already used my find
Starting point is 01:29:43 steed, I just called it find serpent. Great. And this is unseen serpent, the find steed. I just called it find serpent. Great. And this is unseen servant the spell. Great. But I'm calling it unseen serpent. Yeah. Yeah. Which I don't want to get, I don't want your brain
Starting point is 01:29:51 to get boggled by all my stuff. By all your, by all your puns. No, I got it. Okay. So, riblin circles on you, man. There are tons as much as they are art. Okay, right. All right.
Starting point is 01:30:01 They are art. So, try to wrap your brain around that, but not let it get bogged out. Okay, what do you fucking hate my brain? My brain is full of all of your brilliant improv about Jessica Simpson and the Maxim's and the Bean. That wasn't improv, that was real. That was me, yes, ending. What I thought was brilliant.
Starting point is 01:30:19 This is short rest, Father, but before we started recording, Jake was afraid because he's been playing hard one so dumb at the live shows that he wasn't gonna do hard one justice and you show up and have posters. Initiate beans and accent. Initiate beans and accent. I don't remember being an initiator. That's tough. I feel like that was an honor.
Starting point is 01:30:40 No, we're right back where we belong though. This is the energy we need. So yeah, you send out this unseen serpent with your scent and Saul with a nat 20 survival check, these noles are not getting to you tonight. In fact, the kind of nice thing about hearing them how was like, okay, didn't hear any that were that close to us. It is just, you know, this is gonna be a thing every night.
Starting point is 01:31:04 You just gotta hope they don't eat you before you get out of the mountain. So it says, how about no, and smiles really big? You see a dream? Is he dreaming? Clivey laughs really loud. And she's like, I'm not usually into comedy, but that was really good.
Starting point is 01:31:18 I'm so sad. You'll explain it to me in the morning. Foster lets out a concerned echoing class. Saul leans back in bed, satisfied with what he's done today. All right, one rules over thinking he maybe he made a mistake. Yeah, is there anything you guys would like to do before you go to bed?
Starting point is 01:31:41 You've already made all the preparations you can basically for the noils. They can't find you inside this place, right? It's like kind of invisible from the outside. Yeah, it's opaque from the outside. And there's like a whole thing of like spells, magical effects, and creatures can't get in. You guys aren't getting ambushed in the Lehman's tiny duck.
Starting point is 01:31:57 So you guys are good here. You hear that the noles are far away. You do everything you can to protect yourselves, but you do need some sleep. Is there anything you guys want to do before you go to bed? I think I have to trans. So I think I'll use like my extra four hours to maybe look at this stuff I had about Ariax.
Starting point is 01:32:15 Oh, Ariax, the winter eladrin, that. I stole some books about him. Kali, you take some time and you start looking into this book on Aureox that you took from... Maybe I can skim it. So it's like not that deep. Yeah, you're looking through it. This book that you took from Glenn's room. I need a break from the Maxons.
Starting point is 01:32:38 Jesus Christ, anything to get you off the Maxons. Kali, go ahead and give me a history check as you look through this, and you can do it with advantage. That teen. You begin reading this information about Ariox, and just as a reminder from what you already know about him, Ariox was an alladrin that was part of the adventuring party
Starting point is 01:33:03 of this alladrin named Tulaneane and of another one named Melora So it was Melora, Ariox and Tulane Tulane ended up Siding with the dragons during the dragon and giant conflicts that happened centuries ago thousands of years ago in fact and Ariox fought against her he had sided with the giants and thousands of years ago, in fact, and Ariyox fought against her. He had sided with the giants and as you're reading about this, you see that unlike
Starting point is 01:33:34 Tulane who seems to actually love dragons and seemed to actually feel for their plight and want them to defeat the giants everything you're reading about Arreox here is he was working with the giants as a means to an end. This is someone who saw the quote-unquote small folk that, you know, Ultras would refer to like humanoids being wiped out by dragons and giants. So he sees this war between the giants and the dragons and he knows that the longer it goes on, the more the giants and the dragons wipe each other out and give the eladrin a fighting chance. So he was actually
Starting point is 01:34:20 on the eladrin side the entire time even even though he was fighting with the Giants. And you do know that at the end of this, you know, age of quote unquote monsters, where dragons rule the sky and giants rule the earth, that humanoids would build up their settlements and everything like that. And the Eladron would flourish in the Feywild and humanoid would flourish in the main world. But as you're reading this stuff about Ariax, it's not really clear if he's a good guy or a bad guy, he seems cold and calculating.
Starting point is 01:34:57 And I think maybe you get hints of your mother in there. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. All right, I close the book. I close the book and I take out a there. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Alright, I close the book. I close the book and I take out a maximum. Oh, God. So, light reading the full bed. Page 68, center fold. Trust someone who's been around the blog.
Starting point is 01:35:16 Good night. His eyes are closed. Okay, thanks. I heard the rough line. Would anyone else like to do anything before they go to bed? Salt does a little training to try and further his connection to the network.
Starting point is 01:35:32 Meditate's a little bit, you know, it does some like shadow boxing. Great, just generally kind of, tries to be ready for the day. Yeah, hard one. I think you look up and you see this frog who was already super exhausted and almost falling off the mountain is up shadow boxing.
Starting point is 01:35:49 Ha, ha, ha, ha! I used to have energy like that. Hard one stands up to do a squat. It does a single one, doesn't rise. It almost back onto the back. Just a loud pop in your knee. And I'll say, yeah, it wakes you up out of your trans, Kelly. I wrestle forth and then I take the old tris hair and the caulder flower and put that
Starting point is 01:36:13 my nightstand. And then go back into my trans. So all here's hard one fall and turns and says, you know, if you ever wanted to like spar or even just like wrestle, I'd be happy to, you know, if you ever wanted to like, spar or even just like wrestle, I'd be happy to, you know, train with you. I think we could learn a lot from each other. I could learn a ton from you, I know that. Yeah, what about that?
Starting point is 01:36:36 Yeah, let me think about it. Hard one doesn't go to sleep for an hour. This is gonna be a wrestling match, maybe everyone's invited. It's crazy, I've been traveling with you for so long, we've never asked me to wrestle. Saltaclus Calli. I think I need to give you a contest in athletics checks. I break it up.
Starting point is 01:36:55 Just wait for the invitation. Yeah, hard one, you're trying to go to sleep and you see Calli and Saul start rassling in the middle of it. We gotta be ready for all of this, Calli. I got an 11. Okay. Athletic. We disadvantaged Saul.
Starting point is 01:37:10 Oh shit. You are exhausted. This is what breakthroughs happen. 16. 16. Okay. You see. All right, you two kids knock it off.
Starting point is 01:37:21 I die for hard one. It was a 22. Whoa. You see, Callie and Saul are going back and forth. Callie goes to die if it's all. Saul is like super exhausted, but is taking it super seriously. And it's just wrestling with Callie. Hard one stands up, says knock it off.
Starting point is 01:37:41 And as Callie's sort of getting overpowered, she pivots and goes to tackle hard one hard one Sprawls and as Saul goes for him puts his hand on Saul's head and kind of redirects his momentum and kind of pushes him to the side and Pushes Cali down. All right, Saul flies into the bar cart Everyone trance Everyone trance. Yeah. Sorry. Okay, I know I sound like I was mad, but that was kind of rush.
Starting point is 01:38:09 Yeah. Hard one. You see Saul and Cally go off to there, a little bunks to go to bed. And as you go to yours, heart still pumping from just having this wrestling match, how do you think hard one shorefoot is feeling in this moment? I think Hard One has, he's hung up his adventuring hat. You know, he gave the hammer back to Jaina. And I think he still thinks that he's a liability.
Starting point is 01:38:43 He still thinks he he's a liability. He still thinks he's lost a step, but he's going to bed and he Has to admit to himself that he still loves this shit Hard one you go to sleep deeply for the first time in a long time and That's where we'll end our session. Oh, man. Oh, man. It feels good.
Starting point is 01:39:10 It feels good. I love it. This little gang of three feels good. This is fun. This is a real hard work with this two and really kids. Yeah. Yeah. Just having one.
Starting point is 01:39:20 Yeah, this is great. Yeah, you guys are wrestling and him having to break it up. That's great. This is the last of a shit guys I was thinking of last of us like when we were going on the hike I was like oh, I'm gonna ask him some questions I was like feeling like very much. Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome Sweet guys. Thank you all so much for listening You can head on over to our patreon to hear us talk about this patreon.com slash nad pod that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d
Starting point is 01:39:44 Don't sing me that song. Oh, don't. Don't do it. Sorry about that. In the meantime, do we have anything we'd like to plug? I want to plug everyone who sends us postcards because I've started using them as bookmarks. Yes, I am someone who reads about five books at a time.
Starting point is 01:39:59 And they make me happy every time I open the page, and I see one of your silly bookmarks. know that if you sent I if you sent a postcard that it's like really had a meaningful purpose Thank you. Yeah, we've got a lot of great cat ones Yeah, yeah, it's postcards from all over the world Yeah, it's really cool to see them. Yeah, I keep doing that 1920 Hillhurst Avenue never too too too too Los Feliz California 90027 and some of them are mean to Merf and those make me laugh and some of them are just like nice. Yeah, it's make me smile. So either way you're smiling. Either way, we love it. Sometimes it just sounds good. We love it when you're nice. Yeah, I would love to plug giving me book recommendations because I
Starting point is 01:40:37 finally after like a year and a half finished reading one piece and now I don't know what to do with my life. So oh you should read deathless. Oh, I just finished it. Fuck yeah, I'm gonna read that. I think someone might have recommended it to me on the Patreon. Perfect. It was really good. Yeah. Alright, thanks folks. Sweet. Check that out. In the meantime, you can follow us on social media that we may or may not use at CH MerchMe, at called as Caldwell, at the expert Emily and at your curts as Jake, and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nadpod that's NADDDPOD. We are we are the youth of a nation, we are we are the youth of a nation. It's the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent, beautiful, smart, wise, strong council of elders.
Starting point is 01:41:23 Brad D. Jeffrey S. Hussi. Later Mick Skater. Matt Im. White, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, Dame, Beardman, Dan, Danny P, Vincent W, Victor T, aka Boundor's Boy, Hoids friend, Justin I, Ragnar, Faredwen, TJM, Traylee, The Cray, Dyscellaneous, Christopher B, Damial R, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Never forget that Jake forgot the peanut immonims I won't never not a single moment for a single day of my life. Princess YR, Michael L, Jack L, Sam L, Nicholas C, star of every single film ever made in Bahumia, currently starring as an audience member for the Perth Live show. Wow, hope you had a good time.
Starting point is 01:42:27 Samuel B. Mike H. Alka Smeltzer Plus. Great value, Jimma. Adam G. Tyler F. Niii Badger. Panama James. Andrew the Druid. Haradrian. Rex Daniel the White.
Starting point is 01:42:43 Captain sigil. Diana Deilo's Lopez. Cicilulu, Timmy R, Lucas B, Reiko, Itzkeven, Calder's calculated cunning climactic clever crescendo, Ultras, Hashtag, can't come cold! Ah, so fitting so beautiful we will miss you Calder, Taylor B, the vengeful one-winged angel, Cass, skateboard so beautiful, we will miss you, Calder. Taylor B! The vengeful, one-winged angel. Cast skateboard cast. Captain of the Stevens, Stephen Cole. Mike K! Lady Taco.
Starting point is 01:43:13 Nara! Jake L. Nick W. Brave, the Badger. Esmi M. Hopson, son of hop. Foster the boneless duck trying to find the pugnacious pug before he kills Mark Mark Kuchuga. Got to love those Australia live show inside references. Thanks for coming y'all. William W. Aaron the Asshole Ranger. Big bad, bearded with a mad. Riot, Ryan, hungry devs,
Starting point is 01:43:41 Frisbee golf bud, what's up? See you on the course, my dude. Ananorama! Percival, Fredericstein, Von Mussel, Klasowski, Derrollo III. Can't wait to see all an Adelaide, even Jake. I hope that Jake didn't fuck it up too bad. Thanks for coming. J. Dragonborn, Vincent, Thromhard, Daniels, The Sandrian. Ben-A, Fel,onis, John III,
Starting point is 01:44:08 Dave H. Gualabear, Katherine S. David K. Christian S. Dustin S. Connor F. Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfars Assistant Izzy F. DPC is awesome! Brittany A. The Purpleistest bitch in Bohumia. God bless.
Starting point is 01:44:28 Summer Rose, aka Grand Hair. Marky Mark the marvelous mining engineer. Kat C. Kelslay. Misa of House in Zunza. Ariel, the occasional mermaid. Selena in aka Volacy Raptor. B. Perky always.
Starting point is 01:44:45 Pat L. Svexel. A Chuta A. Lauren H. Talia. Ryan S. The Bowen Duster. Rubicrysps.
Starting point is 01:44:56 Ball business illustrator. Insert request here. Oh, come on. It's gotta be Saul and Cali coming upon hard one in the old busta down. SS Stormborn. What a scene. Bloops! Carly Ann! Suicidal Lobster.
Starting point is 01:45:12 Addy K. Spam gaming, the not-so-skilled gamer, parentheses, thanks Jake. Connor S. Russell H. Christopher J. Pebblepot! To the do-riders, my first never mind we died. I'm a total now.
Starting point is 01:45:26 These things happen. Celial, Jack M. Leviathan, Bioquart 7, Amber Dexterous, Sullivan H. Sydney Tatum, Jack Hubert, Crabsdor Champion of Crod, Scuttling Sideways towards tomorrow. Fender A, She-Wolf of Winter, queen of the bone perch, lady of war. I've been the knee. Garble them moist, Lindsey W, Juicy Kiwi, working all day and night to restock Shanky Candles,
Starting point is 01:45:56 the triplets thank you. They lin, Carlin C, Emily S, Harry Cox, Noah, the Bagel of all things. Everything Bago, the Aladdin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey. Dandy, Eric V. Marcos P. Quant, hopes you're having an amazing day. Learns the Balanced Druid. Dayton M. Dakota James P. Frida M. Pegos. Betroathed. Self-proclaimed. Faye Prince. Tracy P. The Crick Elf Librarian. Andi E. Holly Hyena. Kristen Z. Leia C. Page H. Helen of Brizz. Which is now also known as the home of Balnor's son Mark Mark. May be Pixel Stars, Akash T, Kristen Withake, Cal, just Cal, Commodore Galaxy, Edison in, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time.
Starting point is 01:47:00 The restless spirit of Simon, asking her quelled pooro if he can uncover how he died. Roll investigation. Keychains Pitym2 processor. Lorelai the succubus and Kyra her busty queen. Morgan M. Stephen E. Your friendly neighborhood, Yant and Yonkel, Andrew and Sid. John Adams, yes, like the president. Meg, the male carrier of Bahumia. James F, M4L.
Starting point is 01:47:31 Wayfarer, now trapped in the Feywild after not fully reading the terms and conditions of their legal settlement with mothership. Andrew B, Sir Smut, Barpo Goodbarrel, Barbarian and Brewer and Meritus of Waterdeep. Mary Beth C. Malora DeVote. Three Awakened Gooses. Honk Honk Honk Honk.
Starting point is 01:47:51 Welshlander. Garrett G. A. K. A. One Big Curd. Mr. D. Dana Daisy. Sean J. Ethan B. Renee The Monster Captain. Gabriel W. Hope Stagger the only dagger of Hope. Olivia the Enchanting Bard will totally be crocheting a super cool dice bag for the two crew.
Starting point is 01:48:13 Oh thank you Olivia. Winter Slade. Michaela R. Vars H-A-K-A Life is like a box of Martha Togold's Sticky Buns. Aim into that. Riley S. FICO. Angry Wheat. Ya boy, Anthony, who moved positions and can't listen to the podcast at work anymore. Damn Anthony, that sucks a fat one. Josh H. Jack, the Jack's Janks & Rogue, on the run with Bohumia's
Starting point is 01:48:39 balls. The true neutral BPEG who's saving the material plane from unapocalypse. TROGDOR! The Burninator Clementine T. Caleb L. This message has been brought to you by Ferries and support of hashtag CCCC. Alex R. Ketrip Dumbledore, the bear onesy wearing bar barian. Imjay, the BFG drinking T by the sea.
Starting point is 01:49:04 Dogs of Babel. Calvius Silver Fang. Mama Bell. The Silver Serpent herself. Funier. Dr. Tokus. Bow check out wow wow. Wow wow is spelled like World of Warcraft and I imagine that's what they mean.
Starting point is 01:49:20 Like Bow check out wow wow. Let's play some online RPGs. Derek D. Tristan G. Cal, the rabid runt. Jazzman and fam, the surgeons behind Pindergreens, Juicy new ass, love your work. Alpha Fortress, Alex K. Joshua P. Joshua P. S. Martin T. Alexander, Linz W. Mandi K. M.S. Red, the reforged, war forged. Alexander Lins W. Mandy K. Emma S. Red.
Starting point is 01:49:46 The Reforged. Warforged. Mr. Craft. Hammy Beverly's distant cousin. Blue Drew. PJT. Dragon Knight 86. And The Godly King.
Starting point is 01:49:57 Thank you all so, so much for your undying support. You are truly the heroes of the realm. We can do it without you. If you would like to join their illustrious number, you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nad pod. That's gonna do it for us this week. We'll see you next time. Thanks again.
Starting point is 01:50:13 Bye bye.

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