Not Another D&D Podcast - C3 Ep. 4: A Frog in the Fog (The Mothership Saga)

Episode Date: March 11, 2022

Duck Team battles the Juicy Rats and the Lightkeeper cultists! Calder has a green thumb, Sol goes toe to toe with a Rat Daddy, and Callie has some break-throughs with the duck. Support us at&...nbsp;Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects include:"A Wizard's Tournament" by Emily Axford."Mothership" by Emily Axford."Mob Goblin" by Emily Axford."The Red Fen" by Emily Axford. "Spooky Shafts" by Emily Axford."Pordemola" by Emily Axford."A Memory" by Emily Axford. "Alexandrite" by Emily Axford."Left is Left and Right is Center" by Emily Axford."The Red Fen" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey everybody, it's Emily here to talk to you about Adam and Eve. Who wants better sex? And who wants to start having better sex immediately? The best way to level up your sex game is to go to Adamaneeve.com right now. Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item, plus free shipping, which includes rush shipping. More than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority.
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Starting point is 00:01:44 Bahumia everybody. Bahumia! I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Herwitz. Gold Knight, wishing he felt old and tight. Call it a chill day. For a second, I forgot about Patina and I didn't understand what you were talking about. Very confused. A bit. A little bit of a walk to get there, but we got there. Yeah, it's a little hard.
Starting point is 00:02:04 His clothes don't fit because he's raised by giants. So it's probably pretty loose. Yeah, it's true. A loose goose. A loose goose. A ducting. And then of course, we've got Emily Axford. Point sized and immobilized, a little bit petrified.
Starting point is 00:02:17 No allies, no compromise. Can you empathize? Please advise. Can I have a peep at your car? Somebody get Jessica in here. Oh my gosh, I want to give you a prize. Ooh, very good. And then of course, called Waltanner.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Oh, dependable amphibian who loves to punch. And if you ask nice, he'll make you lunch. Salbu Fos. Oh, that's nice. Everyone happens. Punch him well. It's a good salad. Yeah, I'm just punching up a bunch of eggs to make salad.
Starting point is 00:02:45 Disgusting. Please, I had to eat eggs salad for like every meal when I was younger. Well, like at school for lunch. That is a really visceral image. Yeah, clarifying that it was at school just making it any better in my opinion. Just imagine you stinking of eggs opening up your lunch at a table of people who are upset. It wasn't good for my life. Yeah, I can't imagine. But I guess it was convenient for my mom. Other kids are eating peanut butter or jelly and you're getting egg salad.
Starting point is 00:03:15 Cream cheese and jelly on a bacon. Okay, that's pretty good. That's pretty normal. Yeah, egg salad you can batch make though for the week. That's really good Heads up moming that's what happened. You lost your roll up to seventh grade with a zip lock of eggs It's good We got to save that 30 seconds on the peanut butter sandwich. Oh Will you trade me your eggs? Sick Emily has loose eggs again time time out. This is actually like too close to home. I'm kidding. Can we stop?
Starting point is 00:03:49 Can we stop everybody? Okay, guys. This is fun anymore. Let's go ahead and do a little recap. Yes. Last time, we began by dealing with the fallout of your escape from the mothership lab ship, you conveyed to Albin that Beatrix, the soldier who was supposedly killed, along with the other S classes in a dragon elf attack, had stopped the procedure while in the process of raiding the offices of a scientist named Bidra Weevil.
Starting point is 00:04:21 Albin recognized the name Bidra from parties that he was not invited to but went to anyway and gave you her address. With no other leads on where to find Beatrix, you thought this was your best bet to retrace her steps and you hopped on a heavily weighed down mo pad to go there and investigate. The only way to grind. Yeah, grinding. We've destroyed the cobblestones of history. There is a public works. Taxes are going up. That's all those in our way. To fix these roads.
Starting point is 00:04:59 Along the way, you guys passed the mother ship launch pad Academy and Saul's worst fears were confirmed. It appears the mother ship was indeed fabricating zany adventures to indoctrinate its students. Nothing real, not even the book sales. No, those were real. Yeah, those are real. So, I mean, it's okay, it's real,
Starting point is 00:05:18 because I've gone. Right. You guys headed to Beedress House and dismissed the guards there by utilizing Callie's patina impression. Once inside, you found a locket under the floorboards that triggered a video projection. You saw Beedra, who revealed herself as a whistleblower, planning on going public about the S-class sleeper agents. Unfortunately, she was called to a field mission before she was able to do so.
Starting point is 00:05:46 The device also contained a second projection, this one of Beatrix's raiding Beidra's apartment, presumably getting more dirt on mothership. You saw Beatrix equip the jambour device that she'd later used to break into the lab ship and Callie recognized it as being something that had changed hands in Krooggen's church. You guys returned to Krooggen, who was horrified to learn that he was now implicated in a plot by a rogue soldier going after the mother shit. He just wanted to do little crimes.
Starting point is 00:06:16 He just wanted to do some little crimes. He's a little crime. So tough but so soft. Yeah, after calming him down, he revealed that he had provided jammer parts to DARK, a hob goblin from a group called Mob Goblin and led by Mob Goblin. Groogin told you, the bar that DARK hangs out at, and you guys left the bubble for the rough and rowdy outer rim of the city to pursue the only way you could figure out of tracking
Starting point is 00:06:44 Beatrix down. At the bar, you caused quite a scene by dancing on and subsequently flipping over several tables. And Ogre recognized Callie from the bounty her family had put on her head, but Calder was able to negotiate and get him to back down. Afterwards, you spoke to Dar, get the rooftop bar bar and he agreed to put you in contact with Maagoblin if you could help him with something first two warring factions were battling over the spoils of a hijacked airship and he needed someone to clear the way so that Maagoblin could swoop in and take it you agreed and headed off to a derelict
Starting point is 00:07:26 section of the city where you happened upon fighting at an abandoned church. Cultists of the cleric theala called the light. Keepers. We're battling the juicy rats in the street. You snuck past them and climbed to the roof where Calder unfortunately fell through. For one reason or another, can't figure out why. You decided to align yourselves with the rats and attacked only the cultists, with a specific focus on their leader, Sister Rosalene. It's a bad vibe, just a bad vibe. Can't get anything.
Starting point is 00:07:59 No baggage at all. Things were going well until the light keeper priests, these cult fanatics cast hold person on Caldor, freezing them in place, sister Rosalene then tricked the rats into thinking you attacked them by sending a magic blade flying out of Caldor's hand. The rats turned to you, ready to pounce, and that's where we are now.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Who's juicing who? So you are all in this abandoned church. In the middle of this fight, the ruins of an airship have crashed through. Like, you see, has shifted down and like taken over the altar here. The minor coltists are all dead. There's not a ton of light keepers left,
Starting point is 00:08:41 but there are still two of the spellcasting fanatics and sister Rosalene. We are small in number, but big in the light! She holds her hands out. There are also three rat folk rogues, two juicy rats, and one big bad rat, daddy. The juiciest rat of all. Can you be juicy and daddy? It's too powerful.
Starting point is 00:09:09 Oh my god, I'll ask Quora. The rat folk rugs are next to act. They actually have an ability that they did not get to use last time because you guys kicked. Their ass is so fast, but they actually have an ability called rat, dag, or flurry. So they can chuck a knife at three targets. So why do all their attacks sound like B-52, so I guess?
Starting point is 00:09:33 Shout out to Cobalt Press. Each of them will take an attack against each of you. So first one, it takes an attack with advantage against Kali. And if it hits, it crits. 18 to hit. Misses because of my flourish. Awesome, yeah, I don't think they can hit you unless they crit. Next one, next knife, Flings, another one out at Calder.
Starting point is 00:09:58 Or I'll say, does all three at the same time. Yeah! Wow, looks beautiful and dexterous, but also hacks up a luge as he does it. Ah! Wait, does it do poison damage now? Yeah, yeah, no, the flame is all over the knife. 16 against Calder. This is.
Starting point is 00:10:15 Misses. Yes, I need to move to the advantage. Misses Calder. Next one is against Saul. Misses. Nice. Second guy. Rolls of the minute.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Somebody threw a dagger at me? Yeah. I'm gonna use my reaction to catch it. Sick. You had to roll, right? Yeah. God, I love my monster. Oh, my gosh. It's so black. I'm going to my monster. It would be 5 damage. 5 damage.
Starting point is 00:10:36 Okay. Rather, yeah, it would be 5 damage, yeah. The flick missile is 1d10 plus 9, so I think I'm gonna make it. You are a catch, catch, catch, catch. I'm going to spend a key point to make a range to attack on this rat Sweet are you catch the knife and you throw it right back? Wait, actually do I have to make it attack at the person that the router Can I just make it at anyone? It depends on what it says. I think you can probably just make it at anyone. Let me kind of check the language
Starting point is 00:10:56 Yeah, that's so great. But you like do it at you and then you fucking throw it at fucking Rosalene I was probably gonna throw it at the person that cast the whole person spell on you That's also even better. That's better. Such an angry Rosalene. If you catch a missile this way, you can spend one key point to make a range to attack with the weapon or piece of ammunition. You just caught as part of the same reaction. Great.
Starting point is 00:11:16 Yeah. You make this attack proficiency. Okay. Yeah. There's nothing going on. Yeah. Go ahead and target. Sweet. You want to make it at one of the, they're called cult fanatics. I see them like focusing on a spell to sweet wrap my friends. I'm going to toss a rat dagger at them. Sweet.
Starting point is 00:11:30 Fuck. 12. 12 misses. Do you have bardic inspiration if you want to use it here? You have other time, other time season. I don't want to use it here because it's cool. Yeah, it is rad. All right, it's a D6.
Starting point is 00:11:42 Yep. Okay, so there's 12, let's see if I can get it. 14. H right. It's a D6. Yep. Okay, so let's 12. Let's see if I can get it 14 hits They're just wearing my god. I think that like the bar the faith inspiration is just like whenever you use it Like a guitar solo kicks in and like groovy Centaur's dance around your head Just like all 69ing Holy shit, how? It's hard.
Starting point is 00:12:06 It's really, really. It's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really They're so powerful. They're doing so strong to be able to do this. That's a seven damage to the Coltus. Okay, so I think that's a DC 10 concentration check. Yeah, passes. That keeps the whole person up. Well, I did throw a dagger at them. Seven damage, no joke. These guys are not that strong.
Starting point is 00:12:38 Free. Oh, sister, how? That is the other rat folks are gonna go. One at each ya. So with advantage against Calder, fucking misses. These guys are just, it's a numbers game, but crits on Cal. Oh, I'm kidding.
Starting point is 00:12:58 So there does get an at 20, manages to crit on Cali, and then is going to make one more attack, flings and knife at salt. There's no way. There's no way you can hit me. Does 21 hit salt? That hits me! Yeah, don't go in.
Starting point is 00:13:11 It's all, how did you do that? Hey, everyone said a while, you know, if you fling enough knives, yeah, yeah, hit while you're trying to hit. You closed your eyes when you threw them. So this dude hits twice. Hmm. Pretty quick.
Starting point is 00:13:27 He crits on you. Only still only seven damage. Oh wait, no, no, no, no. Plus, gets a sneak attack on the first attack that turn. So 11 damage to you, Cali. He would actually, I hate to say this, but he would roll sneak attack twice for critting. Ah, you're correct.
Starting point is 00:13:42 And you rolled a six on the second one. 17 damage to you, Cali. Oh. And you're old as six on the second one. 17 damage to Cali. And then you are going... You can say you have these lower levels. I know. I should have a little bit of damage. It goes a long way. And you just take five damage.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Okay. And then the last guy is going to do the Rat Dagger flurry and throw some daggers. Of course. Fucking Mrs. Calder. Then goes after Cali 23 to hit. It hits. It hits. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:10 It's gonna crit on you again. Oh no, Jesus. 15 damage. Last dagger goes at Saul. Mrs. that's a 14. Ha ha. You roll out of the way with a beautiful frog roll. After. Oh I love that. So ha. You roll out of the way with a beautiful frog roll. After.
Starting point is 00:14:26 Oh, I love that. So she wraps her own dog. It sounds like a sew. So long. After the rat folk rogues turns, that is Calder's turn. Calder. At the end of your turn, go ahead and give me
Starting point is 00:14:39 a wisdom saving throw. I mean, I'll never be able to do it. You don't look that excited. I have bardic. What did you roll though? What did you roll? I rolled a 12. I think it's worth a try.
Starting point is 00:14:52 17. You break out of it. Yeah! Yeah! Yes! Calder, you are free. You can't break this ice. Okay.
Starting point is 00:15:02 So that is the end of your turn. Calder, that is your turn. You are frozen right now. Go ahead and give me wisdom saving throw. I'm gonna use the duck dice. Wack, wack, the duck is trying to poke you into action. 12. Come on, duck.
Starting point is 00:15:18 Believe it or not. But that may. That passes. Oh. Let's go. Hey guys, we're only level five. Yeah. Amazing.
Starting point is 00:15:28 So I shouldn't use my bard because I'm just saying, you have two and a three. Yeah, let's do it. It was literally shadowed to the two crew. Okay. Oh, amazing. Oh yeah. Alright, great.
Starting point is 00:15:40 I break out. I'm like, Calda, it was like being frozen, but I didn't like it. Yeah, no, it might felt like being trapped in a big pool of water that I couldn't swim through. Yeah, like when you do it, I feel stronger, more solid, and this I felt more vulnerable. You know, it's when it happens from a friend. Right, yeah, absolutely. That was a malicious freezing. It's like frozen milk.
Starting point is 00:16:01 It's exactly what it was. That is salstern. Okay, great. So we got these cold-tests. It's like frozen milk. That's exactly what it was. That is Solstern. Okay, great. So we got these coldest. We've also got Rosalind. Everyone is at this point, everyone in the room is trying to kill you. Because they think that Callie tried to attack the leader of these rats.
Starting point is 00:16:17 In that case, I guess we'll just go for these rats because these flurry attacks are no joke. So I'm just going to go for a couple of the rats. I guess we'll go for the juiciest rats, try and make an impression. Oh, well, the rats that are throwing knives or rogues, they're the smaller ones, the juicie rats. There's a juiciest rat of all, is the rat chief. He's very big and buff. You see, not only has a monestone in his belly button,
Starting point is 00:16:42 but also has them on his nipples. They're all very raw and chat. And looks like magic surging through him. You see, other ones that just have belly button gems. Saul looks at these manastones and remembers his target practice from earlier. And then just focuses in on them. You shoot your tongue at his nipple. Wow, that's fired.
Starting point is 00:17:05 Nuckiest guy. So scary. So all screams, they say it's not erotic. And yes, I will. It's what it is erratic. Okay, first text, going to be 26 that hits. I'm going to roll the second one. Great.
Starting point is 00:17:21 Shout out to the two crew. Okay, second one is nine. So yes, that misses. Great. But you know why don't you use the bonus action to do a flurry of blows. Do it out. one great shout out to the two crew okay second one is a nine so yes that misses great um but you know why don't use the bonus action to do a flurry of blows do it out okay so that's gonna be two more attacks shit yeah that's a 13 and 19 plus seven those are both gonna have both hit so it's gonna be three attacks that's gonna be 3d 6 you see this beat frog combo as Saul lands in front of him. Astro gauntlets, punches him a bunch of times. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a Long December and It's easy to believe Maybe next year will be better than the last It's kinda like your theme song called that
Starting point is 00:18:11 Yeah, oh wow Along December Along December, yeah God, that's a great nickname I'm gonna change the hat to it That's whole December We got it, or small Or a small December
Starting point is 00:18:22 So, since I'm a month, month, I get to add my wisdom bonus because my gauntlets are out. So that's gonna be plus four for each of these hits. So that's going to be 13 plus 12, 25 damage. Yeah. You fuck this juicy rat right up. Still looks pretty hardy, but saw you punch him. Your astral gauntlets glow and you jump up
Starting point is 00:18:44 and you nail a combo, whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew wh goes, oh you fucked with the wrong rat. I put these in myself. I can tell they're not in there very firmly. They're so raw. I pound mine. This is how you put in a stone. Did you have that actually put it by a doctor? Yes, but he let me help. Holy shit, it's on your actual heart. Mine's like a little off because it's not a nipple. How are you still alive, my guy? Don't know. Sweet. This guy stays up, but you fucked him up. That is the two other buff rats who aren't as buffed
Starting point is 00:19:37 are going to come up and take cracks at Saul here. So they come up and crack you with a morning star. First one is a 24 to hit. Reaction, protection padded. You're not that close. It's got to be within five. Second one misses. But first guy is going to like do an arcane smite with his unstable magic to add a D6, 14 damage. Okay. And then we're going to roll on the wild magic table. And that's a 41.
Starting point is 00:20:14 You see that the giant rat turns into a potted plant. What? Yeah. I'm starting to a fucking plant. Yeah, just like a nice ass plant. I'm rain, I'm water-y, I see the flower. This would be great for the bell-free. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:20:30 I look at everyone and I'm like, what's taking the plant? Right. It's a really nice plant. It's a prop take in the plant. It's a rat adindron. That is back up to the light, keeper, fanatics turns.
Starting point is 00:20:44 They're going to go ahead, and one of them is gonna cast a second level in Flicked Wounds on Cali, and one of them is gonna cast it on Calder. That is gonna hit, that's a 19 to hit. Inflicked Wounds is going to be Yikes. 22 damage. I'm fucking down with Cali.
Starting point is 00:21:04 You guys see Callie drops Oh, fuck strong with me No one's gone down, but Callie Don't cry You see the second one is gonna make the inflict wounds attack against you You are so strategic you went after me so I couldn't protection paladin him That's a natural 4, wasteaste the spell slot, Mrs. Calder. Okay.
Starting point is 00:21:27 That is the big juicy rats turn the rat daddy. You see arcane energy swirling around his club. Oh, little frog. I'm gonna send you back to the rafters. So all opens his mouth and you see his beautiful, early white bully bugag tea are just dripping with blood and he just spits. Jesus 12 on the first attack misses. Missy 16? Missy misses Jesus good for you. I don't know how to say that.
Starting point is 00:21:58 Misses twice. After the buffest rats that is Sister Rosalind's turn. She's going to cast a third-level cure wounds on herself. You see, a bunch of her wounds heal up. Literally milk toes, right? Yeah, literally drinks a sip of healing milk. That is, of course, her spellcasting, so thick, so thick. So thick. See, she's chug-sni-kurtled.
Starting point is 00:22:27 Chug-sni-k-milk. Ugh, the sweet, nipple nectar. You let that sit out on the sun. I mean, it is a good thing to call male Quil, I thought of that. She's that sweet. She seems to have healed up quite a bit, and that she's going to use her movement
Starting point is 00:22:44 and run out of the chat. Can I just wipe out her? You cannot wipe out her. You are off fighting the rats. Fight on my children. It is not my time to go to the light. The rat folks rogues turns. Kali is down, so each of them is going to go ahead and do a knife at Saul, at Calder, and I guess they'll get a cultist with one of them as well. Sure.
Starting point is 00:23:13 I can't believe they brought a backpack full of knives. That's just gonna be so hard to reach into. I mean, you gotta bring a Jansport. First one is against Calder. Eight misses. 22 to hit our friend Saul. Oh, that will hit. That is going to be... You fucking stabbed a frog. How fucking damn you? I'm a fucking rat. I was talking to you, Murr.
Starting point is 00:23:37 10 damage, okay. But I am a rat in real life. The second guy goes, first one, he gets called her. 23 to hit. He's gonna hit. Yeah, even with shield. Jesus Christ, 14 damage. Okay. Second attack against Saul. Uh-oh, misses.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Third guy, first dagger against. Oh my God. A good Lord. A call her, 19 to hit. Oh, shield. Great, misses. Big icy shield comes up. Dagger dinks off of it.
Starting point is 00:24:09 Second dagger gets Saul. 18 to head. That's my AC hits. Jesus Christ, I rolled good. 13 damage. Oh no. Saul's down. You see Saul drops.
Starting point is 00:24:21 I did forget to do a reaction. Ranged attack. Can we say that I did that before I a reaction, ranged attack. Can we say that I did that before I fall from the other guy that missed? I will let you throw one knife, yes. Okay, thank you. So like just as you're about to go down, I'll say like one hits you in the gut
Starting point is 00:24:39 and you begin to feel yourself fading, but another one comes at you. You summon enough adrenaline to grab it, and you can make one attack with that knife before you drop. Okay, this is my last key point. I'm going to make the attack. I guess these rats are dangerous.
Starting point is 00:24:55 I'm gonna throw it at one of them. Great. That's gonna be in 19. Hits. Great. Okay, that's gonna be six damage. You throw the knife back, hit this rat in the shoulder. Ah, fuck.
Starting point is 00:25:06 You dropped this. And then you drop. Calder. You're the only one still standing. The more things are looking around. Okay, I pat my pocket. I know I have healing potions in there. Correct.
Starting point is 00:25:18 And 10. Inflate. Yes. Yes, so much fun. So much fun. Do I need to use an action to like deliver one more? Bonus action, bonus action. I spear it.
Starting point is 00:25:29 That's it. All right, Alia. Yeah, feeling worth. OK, I will bonus action. Toss a frozen potion towards Cali. Great. Oh, it's so frosty. I used it.
Starting point is 00:25:43 The duck grabs it and pours it into Cali's mouth. Is it like a slushy? Yeah, it's like a little freeze pop. I think I... All right, the autopops, yeah. Open up my eyes to see the duck. And for the first time, I allow myself to feel a bit of tenderness for you.
Starting point is 00:26:00 Right. Right. But then I'm also like, called it, I'm fucking owe you my life 10 times fucking over. You're the fuck you've, you've did so much damage. Trust me, you're saving us. And I'm gonna unsheat my sword and take two swings at, I guess I'll go towards one of these dagger throwing rats.
Starting point is 00:26:23 Great, smart. Okay. Yeah, these dudes are doing a lot of damage. All right, that is both my attacks are, it's gonna be an 18 and a dirty 20. Both hit. Great. Save the chance, Porto. Oh wait, we're supposed to do this from far away with you frozen.
Starting point is 00:26:36 We tried to work with you. Oh yeah, then why did you throw a sword in our boss's back? It was, it was a deception. Right, a deception right? I deception. Yeah do do a fucking insight. I saw you frozen. I saw you frozen solid and then a little sword appear in your hand. Right. And then
Starting point is 00:26:54 comically like it was the animation. I'm just. You saw me. Forward. Yeah. Right. You saw me. You never see a spell before. What? What? What? Oh my gosh, just making about it really art. I just, I got a bag full of knives. You got it.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Careful, he's monostones, I gotta explode. 25 damage. Jesus. Yeah. Oh no. I can't even forget that the sword is powerful. That was good. So it's good.
Starting point is 00:27:19 Fully kill one dude, slice through him, cut him in half, and slice into another dude who looks very hurt now. Awesome. after Calder That is Cali's turn Cal your back up. Yes, sing fast. I'm pretty did you did you guys roll your healing I think you should roll all right. I'll you I'm using a you know the big one which is greater healing push I'm 44 plus four. 34 plus, 34, 16. How are you? Sweet.
Starting point is 00:27:47 Yes. Callie, pop back up with 16 HP. We're all juice. With this nice icy frost gatorage. You know what, these potions are bad than if I use healing word. So I'm gonna. And do cost money.
Starting point is 00:28:03 Right, but I'm fucking reckless and I'm fucking from a breakup So I'm going to bonus action bring up my friends So I'm gonna do it snoring again I'm gonna do it via duck because I like that So I sent over the duck and then I'm going to I think it's time for Kale to try finale which is a second level bard evocation. Oh just from your Christmas gift the homebrew spells that I found out. What? All right yes this might actually be from an old edition of D&D. Yeah, keeping the hoglet age here alive
Starting point is 00:28:45 keeping the hoglet age here alive and I Commit myself fully to a devastating final strike finale since most people don't know this this is a It's either a homebrew spell or it's an old spell But it's a very cool one. It's a barred spell where basically you go for a finale You get to do more damage and if you you fail, it's like reckless attack, everyone gets advantage against you. Whoa. Incredible.
Starting point is 00:29:09 So you're gonna do this against the big guy. It's so elevabond. It's not, you know what, I need the fucking temporary HP. So I'm going after one of the weaklings. Got it, I have folk roles. And you can cleave, right? So I'm cleave. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:23 18. 18 hits. And I'm going to, since we can cleave, right? So, cleave. Yeah. 18. 18 hits. And I'm going to, since we can cleave, I'm also going to do a second level divine smite. 35 damage. Jesus Christ. Yeah, Callie, the... That's that for curtains closed.
Starting point is 00:29:37 Pretty freaking good. The Ezra Garden treated your emotions. Like, they're a weakness, but you lose yourself in a performance and you thrust a sharp edge into one of these rat folk rogues. There's an arcane explosion and it kills both of them. Ah! Yes.
Starting point is 00:29:55 Calli, what does a Calli finale look like? Hmm. Right now, I think that Calli is like in this very rainy phase, right? So I think right now, what it looks like is much more of just a swelling of a storm. So I think like my hair goes up in the end, there's like wind everywhere, and like everyone's getting soaking wet. It's a very, it's getting so wet.
Starting point is 00:30:24 And then I like a slide on the wet floor. Oh, six. We're in the splash zone. Slide on the wet floor. And then like thrust the umbrella through them and then open it up. Oh, disgusting. You stab one with an umbrella.
Starting point is 00:30:41 He goes, no, you open it up. It just sprays his guts everywhere and hits the other dude. Juicy, good lord. He's not lightning to that. Okay. The duck begins quacking fear of it. So Merva, I have to ask you, this says that if it brings
Starting point is 00:30:57 a target to zero, hip points, you gain a number of temporary hip points equal to the damage dealt. Do I do that from? Yeah, you can do 35 damage, yeah. Ooh! What's going on? Let's go fucking owns. I know.
Starting point is 00:31:11 It doesn't do that if you don't kill somebody else. If you don't kill somebody, then nothing happens except for everyone has advantage on a tax case. Yeah, so you did the right thing. After Cali- So that was so weird. I was like, if I fucking missed this, then we're fucked.
Starting point is 00:31:24 Still a lot of bufferats in the room. That is Solstern. Always bufferats in the room. And you're back up. Oh, I didn't roll it. I didn't roll the thing for you. Oh yeah, how much HP do I have? Uh, 13. That's great. Alright, I'm feeling good. Um, how much HP do you have? Um, I'm so fucking good right now.
Starting point is 00:31:41 Oh yeah, you just have the finale. Yeah, as she's stabbed. The finale has me fucking like, I'm on fucking good right now. Oh, right, yeah, you just told me. Yeah, she said the finale. Yeah, as she stabbed into the studio. The finale has me fucking like, I'm on fucking steroids right now. The galley finale, you have to be wanting it on core. She rallied after the galley finale. I rallied after the galley finale, but I'm out of second level spells. Oh boy.
Starting point is 00:31:58 How many rats are left? Two big buff ones and the buffest one of all. Yeah, I'm gonna go for the juicy. The juiciest one. The juicy Lucy. Shout out to Minneapolis. Yeah. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:32:10 Absolutely if I can burger that we tried. Okay, that's gonna be a 16 and a 22. 16 does not hit. Oh. Okay, 22 hits. Great, so that's just gonna be nine damage. Okay, looking fucked up, but still standing. I'm out of key points, so I don't know if I can do anything else.
Starting point is 00:32:29 That is the buff rats turn, not the buffest, but the buff ones. One will go ahead and go after Callie, and one will go after Calder. So first one is going after Callie. Callie, that is 21 to hit. Hit. Okay, going to use unstable magic smite. 11 damage, and then we're going to go ahead and roll. Oh, this one was a potted plant.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Stopped being a potted plant. No, I was gonna use it to decorate. A fun fact, if you had attacked the potted plant, it actually has a vulnerability to all damage. So it would have been double, but you guys did not attack it. Gonna roll on the search table. No joke.
Starting point is 00:33:12 I just rolled another 41. It turns back into a potted plant. No. So our rat flickers into existence and then turns back into a potted plant. Just a plant, rat, plant, fate is. A good old fashioned. How much can you fight Destiny?
Starting point is 00:33:26 Which one was it? Was it a rat? Was it a plant? No, which one's real? It's true nature. What is my true form? The plant says. When is the polymorph a return to self?
Starting point is 00:33:37 That is the fanatics turns. You know what, they're gonna try their old fave. Hold a person again. Oh, boom. Oh, boom. They're going to give me wisdom saving throw. Yeah. 18 passes. Yes!
Starting point is 00:33:50 Same thing from the other one on Cali. Wisdom saving throw. Oh. Ah. 19. Oh, so nice. Yes. The juiciest rat of all is going to go ahead
Starting point is 00:34:02 and go after Saul again. Right. Misses on the first attack. Second attack is a 23 to hit. That does it. Can I put action paladin? No, you guys aren't close to each other. 10 damage.
Starting point is 00:34:16 And then we roll on the wild magic search table. You guys see, after he hits and he does this unstable smite, you see smoke begins leaking from the rat boss's monostones until Saul and him are both surrounded by fog. Yeah, he's just he's just gone called her Kali so you guys can you can fully hear him somebody milk this guy and smoke came out That is Sister Rosalene Stern she somewhere she seems so fled that is Caldress turn. I'm gonna tack the plant grace He just poured out
Starting point is 00:35:01 attack the plant. Grace. Yeah. You just poured out. I have not rolled that well. What's the plant's AC I can't see? Well, let me see, because I think the plant, might have the same AC if you fail on hitting this plant. Oh, come on.
Starting point is 00:35:18 Okay, yes, it has vulnerability to damage, but its AC does not change. So still has 16 AC, but it is incapacitated, so you do have advantage. So you can roll again. Careful, Calder, there's a strong glaze on that pot. Just imagine you actually had him hit the pot. He doesn't even just miss, he just sort of shits. The armor works.
Starting point is 00:35:43 The hat was baked in a good kill All right, yeah, go ahead roll again Please grab that much better 13 damn or 13 sorry 13 hit 13 Swing down into the plant and fucking miss it's so small compared to you. I think yeah, I just swung over it Yeah, but I'm just gonna get a little lower and take my second attack. There you go Alright that time it is an 18 it hits 11 damage so double to 22 Still a pot of plant looks like a fucked up pot of plant The pot of plant lives. Oh, you just pruned it. Oh my god. Oh shit. Did you just not kill a plant?
Starting point is 00:36:23 I'm so fucking sad because I believe I just didn't put water on this for like an hour. I'm sure this is funny to people at home, but I can't if I can't right now. Hold up. Hold up. It's just a plant. Hold up.
Starting point is 00:36:36 I'm serious. We need to get you a session with Jessica. Okay, she's gonna change your mind. You can't hate her, but she's gonna change your mind. Just tell me one fucking Pearl wisdom that she said you recently, because I can't wait for a session. She said, you can't expect someone to love you unless you love yourself. And that's my gameplay and forget and my ex-boyfriend to be into me again.
Starting point is 00:37:02 Hey, it's not a real talk, sick-over there gang. Easy the duck just absolutely does not know who to go to between Calder and Cali Just keeps going back and forth between you was going over to Calder until Cali said the thing about loving Myself so I can get my ex boyfriend back. I can't see you, but what sounds like it's happening over there is not good Please have the duck. That is Cali's turn. Okay, I'm just gonna do enough. I do em blade.
Starting point is 00:37:28 Uh, I'm not gonna do it on the fog cloud people. Isn't there one outside of the fog cloud? Oh, there's two, yeah, there's one that is a potted plant right now. There's a potted plant. Alright, I'm fucking tired. Careful. Careful. Careful.
Starting point is 00:37:43 Careful. Careful. Careful. Careful. Careful. No. It's too strong. Oh, I'm so worried. I'm going to miss. Maybe in this. It's got 16 AC. It's really weird. It doesn't seem like. I hate it.
Starting point is 00:37:55 I have an AC. OK. So it can be done. You know what? I think I'm not going to smite on this. I'm not going to. Because you know what hurt me. And it's going to take an extra D6 for my doom blade,
Starting point is 00:38:07 but if it doesn't move, which is a potted plant, it will take two more D6. Cool. 14. Uh, it takes 28 damage, is instantly dead. Uh, potted plant breaks. Um, you see the dirt goes on the floor. And I, I think I, I look over to Calder and I'm like,
Starting point is 00:38:24 Hey, Jessica is going to have a lot of like really difficult stuff for you to work through. But as your friends, I'm going to tell you what everyone actually wants to hear, which is you're the best in anyone who says you're not is a fucking idiot and I give you inspiration. Ah! What? It worked for you? Yeah. I just just to be clear,
Starting point is 00:38:47 Jessica know that he couldn't kill a plant. Yeah. Because I do that by accident all the time. Yeah. He didn't kill the plant because he cares about life. Hey, you're in a fog cloud buddy. I'm using context clues. That is Solstern.
Starting point is 00:39:02 Okay. Solstern fog cloud. Solstern, a fog cloud. Solstern, a fog cloud. Can I see the rat? Go ahead and give me a perception check. Cool. Ooh, that's going to be a 22. Yeah, you see his glowing nipple gems in the fog.
Starting point is 00:39:18 It's like fairy fire. Yeah, you're dialed in, buddy. So I am going to chug a potion as a bonus action great Because otherwise I will die I guess I shall assume my friends. Hey, is it okay if I use one of these greater healing potions all yours Absolutely thanks gang. Yeah, why don't you ask the guy who can't kill a plant? He's talking about me. He's got a a green thumb. Calder, I saw that. He loves it.
Starting point is 00:39:46 Wait, that's actually really cool, because I'm actually rain. And if you could get some plants to stay alive, wake up. Oh, I believe I decided to get plants to stay alive. Wait, Calder, Calder, only the toughest plants can grow from within the permafrost. Jessica's never said something like that. Can I pay you to be my therapist?
Starting point is 00:40:07 I'll do it for free. Go ahead. Just be my friend. That's what I'm doing it for Alvin for years. OK, so that's, I'll add my healing in a second. I'm going to take two attacks. Great. You see my gauntlets like surge not with blue energy anymore
Starting point is 00:40:25 But with this like orange like sun energy. Hellice Sun good for plants That is going to be an 18 hits and also a natural 20 Yes! Good, fucking boy. I just realized that we are down to one greater healing and two regular, so we need to make some money. The potions go fast. The potions go so fast.
Starting point is 00:40:51 We have a cargo full of contraband, so we should be able to make some gash. Right. So that'll be 2D6 for the crit. It's 12 damage, and then looking very hurt. Eight more damage, so 20 damage total. On Deaths door, still standing. For the outside, you guys see in the fog cloud,
Starting point is 00:41:14 these glowing gauntlets and these nipple gems on the light, and you see, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. As this frog combo, as salt jumps up and just like clocks, is it? I think it as Like a ray We say it's like a pinball noise every time I hit one of the nipples That is the buff rat that was not a potted plants turn Going to look at calder. This is one that's been making all the jokes
Starting point is 00:41:42 I'm clearly not a threat. It kills me to try to kill somebody with a green thumb like you, but I got no choice, my friend. I'm gonna play with you. That's a natural one, these laughing for Lord. Yeah! You can't kill the guy that can't kill a plant. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:42:01 Sweet, these guys, the last two light keeper fanatics are going to, once again, cast in Flicked Wounds and try to hit Callie, Mrs. and try to hit Calder. Fucking that one, Mrs. Yes! That is the big buffrat daddy is going to take two meaty strikes on Saul
Starting point is 00:42:28 in the fog, glowing gauntlets, glowing gems, clashing. He takes the first club attack. It's a 21 to hit. That's gonna hit. I wish I could make these gauntlets glow less. Yeah, you're kind of easy to see in here, but. Your nipples are lit up like a Christmas tree.
Starting point is 00:42:46 Feastmas tree, sorry. There is this arcane explosion as he does this unstable smite, and he does 17 damage to you. Fuck, down. So his club smacks you into the wall. You crash into the floor and are now passed out in the mist. You guys on the outside do not see this happen, but you hear a sort of stop to the fighting in there. As you say that, a moment later the rat boss jumps out of the mist and takes his last attack on Calder.
Starting point is 00:43:27 Oh no. That's fucking four misses. Yes. Shit. It does need to roll on the wild magic table because he did do the unstable smite. 78, you cast Polymorph on yourself. You see, I'll say it's true Polymorph.
Starting point is 00:43:43 It turns into a potted plant. Another potted plant. What is the say about that? That's back up to Calder, Sir Calder. This potted plant has dropped in front of you. Swung down on you turn into a potted plant mid-April. The Aravind dead against me. I don't know why because I actually never did anything to them. I couldn't, but I- Break free from your pot. Okay, you know what? Gally said, I was fucking awesome.
Starting point is 00:44:14 And I'm gonna try to believe that as I swing on this poted plant, I have advantage, right? Yeah. It's a 16-dead. You miss. Yeah. It's a 16-dit. You miss. You do have body consideration. Dirty 20. You have. Yeah!
Starting point is 00:44:36 Yeah! You just barely play. Get the outside of the pot, but it might be enough to spill the dirt out onto the ground. That's hope so, that's 14 damage. Calder. Finish this pot of course.
Starting point is 00:44:52 I make unbroken eye contact with the rat that was making fun of me as I chug the dirt from the pot. You straight up eat his boss God even give me an intimidation check You know intimidation is charisma isn't it yeah, so that was a 12 turned into an 11 Yeah, I feel like you really choked down the dirt. Yeah, I did it for effect But I actually I hate a lot of dirt. I ate dirt. I do have a second attack that I'm gonna take on this guy.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Oh my god. I can't see you so, but we have a tummy ache to see it with a... 15. 15 does not hit. Can I toss a, I'm gonna say you guys don't know that salt went down. Oh, although actually, you know what, the miss would have cleared it. Here's what I'll say.
Starting point is 00:45:47 No, no, no, the miss is not clear because it's all wild magic. So this is not connected to him. I think you could safely assume that something is wrong for this dude to have jumped out and Saul to still be in the mist. Um, great. So go ahead and make a perception check, but I am gonna say you're gonna have to do it with disadvantage. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:46:08 Could have been a 22, but it's a nine. Wait, I got a 14. You guys cannot find salt. Callie, that's your turn. So what? There's a big buff rat here and two of these cultist fanatics. The rats nipples have to be pretty chaped at this point.
Starting point is 00:46:22 Oh no, this is another rat. Nevermind. This type of rat is fine. There's no way I can try to do healing words. I will say you did a perception check during his turn. I'll say you looked around the fog and it could not find. All right.
Starting point is 00:46:36 I am just going to doom blade. I don't have much left, but I go for a buff rat. All right. Go for a buff rat. Go for a buff rat. Why not? Have a buff rat. Yes! Oh, 19, but I go for a buff red. Okay, go for a buff red. Go for a buff red. Why not? Have a buff red. Yes!
Starting point is 00:46:47 Oh, 19, which would have been a creative if I had been doing my Kelly finale, but that's just gonna hit. Okay. So I'm doing a fast level divine smite, and I add a D6 of psychic. Okay. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:47:03 20-C. This dude is on-design. Oh! He's so hurt. Ha! Barely alive. I regret making fun of his green thumb. I've no more bardic inspiration to give out.
Starting point is 00:47:17 I've nothing to do with my bonus action. How is a could use a healing word, but I can't. You don't know what's happening. It's always you look around the fog. You can't find him. I can't you don't know what's all this you look around the fog you can't find them I can't find soul. It's all that is your turn. Go ahead and give me a desk saving throw with pleasure. I pour a little froc The miss It's a natural four. Oh, wait All right, that is the Buff Rat who at one, is going to disengage,
Starting point is 00:47:47 and just run 30 feet and burst through a window and try to get away. It's just kind of gone. Great, all right. Two fanatics left, Soul was down, two on two, they're gonna keep fighting. Inflict wounds on each of you guys. Makes an attack on Callie, only a 15 to hit.
Starting point is 00:48:06 Me see. 20 to hit called it. Patexion! There we go. Look at him bro, that comes out. Oh shit. It's still hitting. It's still hitting.
Starting point is 00:48:16 18 to hit. That hits, still hits. But just. Do you have any more shield? Thank God you mentioned it. Yeah. I put out my forearm and it creates a nice, you all. Nice shield.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Great. Okay, shield. Both of them miss. That is back up to Caldars turn. Okay. I guess there's two cultists. Yep. Have they been hit yet?
Starting point is 00:48:43 No, but they're not as buff as like the, the juiciest rat. It's literally just you guys and these two cultists now. If I attack them, can I use a bonus action to try to find Sol again? Yes. Okay. All right, so I'll take my two attacks on one of the cultists. Okay. That is a 14 and a 17. Both hit. Great. Yeah. They're just wearing white cloaks.
Starting point is 00:49:10 They're just long t-shirts. I don't really know. 14 damage. 14 damage. One of these dudes is looking quite fucked up, but both are still up. Go ahead and make a perception check with disadvantage to find salt. Okay. Ooh. Oh, I rolled a one and a two. Oh, oh. Fails. Callie, that's your turn. I think I look at Colder and I just, I just fucking believe in him. And I'm like, you fucking got this.
Starting point is 00:49:38 You have saved me so many times. You are the fucking solid mountain ice rock that I can like really hang my hat on. So if I use like, can I use my action and my bonus action to try to find soul? In that case, I'll say it will be a flat perception check. Okay, I need a tear that. I'll say you can do a flat perception check and I'll let you use a potion with a bonus
Starting point is 00:50:07 action if you find him. We're going to go ahead and say DC-15. Okay, so I need to roll. That's 12. 11. You look around and you cannot find Saul. Kill me, fuck. Fuck, fuck.
Starting point is 00:50:24 I'm just calling out Saul. Saul. More here anything. Saul's turn. Saul, please do not rule the one. Oh it's too early for a one. Saul's got so much to do. Saul you're like the hottest person in Azeri. I'm serious. I mean like I just want to be friends with you but like it's really fun to be friends with the hottest person in Esmeralys. You see somewhere in the mist, salt smiles. Oh my god. That, good luck. Good luck, boys. All right, these cult fanatics, inflict wounds on Calder and Cali. First one, 16 hit, you Calder.
Starting point is 00:51:12 Misses. 22 to hit you, Cali. I'm in the mist, I'm in fog cloud. So they would have to do it with dissonance. Okay, so then they're gonna do the second one on Calder as well. 22 to hit you, Calder. That one hits gonna do the second one on Calder as well 22 to you Calder that one hits okay 16 damage Calder it's actually
Starting point is 00:51:30 With my ICS endurance. Yeah, I rolled it 12. Oh, yes, so that is 16 damage that I don't take at all Shit Back up to you Calder. All right. Yeah, you are just strutting towards them now, covered in like a frosty sheen. These things that Ezri had tried to kind of beat out of you are now coming to your aid. You don't need fire. You can practically turn yourself into an ice construct if you need to. And you are walking over towards these guys. I'll show you something cold.
Starting point is 00:52:08 Shout out to the duke. No! Whoa! But I also rolled a dirty 20. Yes. Great. Great. 11 damage.
Starting point is 00:52:17 You slash into him. You do manage to injure him greatly. This fanatic is on Death's Door. It's not enough. That is Callie's turn. Okay, so if I were to send a message on the toilet paper, use my action to send a message on the toilet paper, because I have advantage on trying to find him, like essentially a cell phone busing. I don't, I just can't figure out
Starting point is 00:52:50 how that would work, I'm sorry. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, so I'm using my action to try to find him. Okay, great, it's the little guy in the mist. He's the little guy in the mist. Oh, I need it to help. His sweater's ripped and his abs are out. I need it to help.
Starting point is 00:53:03 It's an act of honor! It's an's a wrap. It's an act of a wrap! It's a wrap! You look around, you're getting very upset, and then you calm yourself, you think about it, and you hear the very light snoring of salt. Brrrrbit. Ha-ha. I love it.
Starting point is 00:53:24 I love the way he sounds. And you find him. I think the strategic thing would be to just cast the healing words or a regular, but I'm so emotional, but I just fucking use our last greater healing. 15. Before the potion even hits Saul's lips the warm tears from Calais face wake him up My cry I'm sorry. I've spilled my feelings all over you. It's okay. Do we get him cold is out there and he's been a fucking piece Oh, yeah, the man is fucking chiseled ice. He's a burg. He's a fucking iceburger For man, yes, stop him. Asshole you keep up. You jump up. You are conscious again. Okay. I'm in the mist
Starting point is 00:54:17 I guess I gotta do it Oh, sick that I just like jump through the mist Oh, dude if you straight up jump up you see where everybody is you jump up You grab onto like one of the like yes, I Grab onto a ceiling beam and then yeah, I'm going to like kick and flip over the ceiling beam and then like just Barrel towards one of the finale fucking hell yeah, go I did this on the bell free today. Ha ha. Where, where?
Starting point is 00:54:49 Where are you? Are you not seeing the phone? Where the duck is lost in the fight? That is going to be an 18 and a 26. Both hit. Woo! Yeah. Okay, yeah, I think I'm going to do a spectral slap with my tongue for the first one and then just like swings around.
Starting point is 00:55:06 Put both of my fists together and just blast through. Fucking hell yeah. Do it. 17 damage. You're fucking astral gauntlet. Breaks, one guy's neck and then goes through and hits the other one. I'm aiming for the secret milk skin. I know they keep under their rope.
Starting point is 00:55:23 First of milk comes out from the other guy. Well, that's brutal. After Saul's turn, that is the last Colt Fanatics turn. He is just going to turn tail and flee. Just goes and I cause his righteous dives through a window. Oh, then I'm there. Wait, no, I wanted you to give me some brochures. Drops a bunch of
Starting point is 00:55:46 brochures. Sticks is in back in the window. Drops a bunch of brochures. Yeah, good. But I'll be gets like a paper cup when he does. Brutally cuts himself going through the glass. And after a bit, you guys see that the fog cloud does dissipate. There is still fighting going on outside, but you guys are left alone in this church with the crashed airship. You've cleared the way, and you guys do have the means to contact dark. Okay.
Starting point is 00:56:19 Okay. Um, who is like, well, you know what, you speak is language. Yeah, I'm intelligent I hand the roll of toilet paper to colder We may have found a vessel that could be a bit just You get a message back Well, if you were to stumble upon something perhaps associates who I may or may not know
Starting point is 00:56:51 So many quotation marks in that sentence and and if they came to this location They would not find us and the vessel secured and did you do a winky face? It's like between every is a winky face. He's like, between every word, there's a winky face. You just get a message back on the roll. Mayhaps we will. Winky face. You send back a winky face. Too big of a, so quick.
Starting point is 00:57:20 You guys, yes. Those two thieves can't. You guys have like very much so like secured this area The rats and the cultists in here are dead. I will say that like occasionally Somebody from the outside does run in but there's literally three of you you literally get a surprise round on them So like like a cultist will like run in to find refuge. You'll kill that here a rat will come in like yeah, we get the payload You need to pay no. Absolutely kill them immediately.
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Starting point is 00:58:20 And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dogs invented a cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, bird dogs invented a cloud-knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs.
Starting point is 00:58:45 To get yours and a free Yeti style tumbler go to birddogs.com slash pop-up or enter promo code pop-up at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-up or promo code pop-up for a free Yeti style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, Go team pants and enjoy the show. And after a bit, you see that through like a back entrance through several of these windows, you see a bunch of hop goblins,
Starting point is 00:59:17 a lot of them in these like dusters with like breastplates and stuff. That's our fucking team. And her. It feels good, by the way. Dusters and breastplates. It feels good. It does just a breastplate. It feels home. They nod at you. Give you a little salute and you see a bunch of them begin going inside of this broken-down ship. We'd
Starting point is 00:59:38 people's goods. Yeah, I was gonna say can I like run my hands through my hair? Put on my face, charm. I think it looks like a jet ski going through the water. Your hair is soaking. The hobgoblin just goes, whoa, what? A little rooster tail. And I'm just gonna say, we actually had a deal with dog. For one treat, right?
Starting point is 01:00:04 One treat eat. Yeah But good dogs Right. Yeah, so can we have the note you can dig a tree? Okay, all right You see they crack open a bunch of these crates these like wooden ones that need like kind of like a crowbar to like open up They pop them and you hear the hobgoblins are like, oh, all right, yeah, like kind of just just a little muttering of like a little bit of excitement. I'm mo'er to fit in.
Starting point is 01:00:31 Right, so licks his lips, but it accidentally hits one of the hobgoblins. Oh, hey, it's all, it's all empty. Lucky a sman and a nice one. It does look like you guys have stumbled into something pretty good. This looks like a cachet of weapons and armor magically enchanted As far as taking a treat
Starting point is 01:00:54 These are effectively like plus one swords plus one maces acts as shields Like you get bracers that help your AC or something like that So you guys can kind of have your pick of whatever you like Cashé, hey, hey You don't cashé This looks to be either Weapons and armor going out to be like sold somewhere or it could even be something You know a little nefarious of being you know, they're sending weapons to people in iron deep so they can fight
Starting point is 01:01:25 each other or something like that like some rebel army or something like that. I'll take a look at some swords. Sweet. Yeah, you can go eat something are we? Maybe. Have fun. Swords are cool. Get a sword. Yeah, this one's just a little big for me. I can see that it's got your brother's name on it. It's crossed out. It's your name. Yeah, you look through the swords and you definitely see that there's a, you know, long swords, short swords, and great swords. Okay. I'll do a great sword. Great. You pick up a big great sword. You see like one of the other hob goblins was eyeing it. Oh, I get a treat We claim the law of treats. All right, fine. They said you get a treat. You get a treat He grabs the second best great sword
Starting point is 01:02:14 I find this like gleaming magical blade and a cool thing about these like Better designed as reweapons like as D, you guys got bottom of the barrel stuff. These ones count as first off magic damage. So like when you attack like a more magical monster that might have resistance to non-magical damage, this will hurt them. Not only that, but weapons like this can get like little upgrades. Like you see there's like a spot for like a gem socket.
Starting point is 01:02:43 So you could potentially enchant this. So right now it's just this like beautiful gleaming plus one blade. But potentially you could like get like a cold sapphire or something in there that makes it do cold damage. Is this spot for the stone in the hill of the play? Can I see if there's a hill, I could sort of like separate from Arabia and then replace my umbrella handle. Sick. Yeah, to give it like a plus one. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:14 Yeah. I think you go through and you see that there are, I will say you don't even need to necessarily like crack it off of a sword. You look through and you see that there are parts that can attach to other things, like different ways to hold shields, or different ways to hold swords, based on if you're gonna do a two handed,
Starting point is 01:03:32 or one handed, or whatever. And I'll say you find something that will allow your umbrella to become a plus one shield. I would not hate if there was like a heel that looked like the top of a cane, and it was like a hill that looked like the top of a cane and it was like a duck. Oh, Mary Poppin style? Yeah, I'll say you find something that like effectively, let you like change the way it looks because it is like a magical item.
Starting point is 01:03:59 I get rid of the plastic part and then I fucking put on this like a copper duck. Brad, so good. You see the duck's mouth is open. You could potentially put a gem in there to enhance this feel further. I would never gag you. What do ducks eat? Sal thinks eggs.
Starting point is 01:04:20 Not everybody. Sal doesn't circle. Where armor, that's kind of the whole sticking point for Saul. So I was trying to find a way to maybe boost his AC, but he's not quite sure how to do that. Is there like maybe any temporary tattoos that would give him warding or something like that?
Starting point is 01:04:36 Or yeah, there are definitely some bracers in here that would give you plus one to AC. And much like these guys stuff, they do have like spots that you can like add magical items to them. Yeah, I think I'll definitely get some bracers with some slots, give me some slot bracers for sure. Yeah, you grab some slotted bracers and you guys all,
Starting point is 01:04:57 you guys all have your treats. I'm still hungry. Yeah, you see these guys are loading up the rest of this stuff into bags of holding, being kind of quick because you can hear that they're still fighting going outside between the light keepers and stuff. And sister Rosalene is still alive somewhere. She's just like, unfortunately.
Starting point is 01:05:18 Unfortunately. So you guys see that these hobgoblins like kind of finish loading everything up and they start taking off like out of back doors so they're not attacked by any of these light keepers or juicy rats. And you guys do get a message from Dark with just an address on it.
Starting point is 01:05:37 All right. Great, that must be Mark Goblin. Oh, this is huge. So we're going in to Mia. I'm glad we're doing it with these new treats. Yeah, let's go in like really weapon forward. Yeah. What could go wrong?
Starting point is 01:05:54 Well she'll see that we don't have anything in our slots. Yeah, true, true. Right. Okay, let's do it. I've no more inspiration to be given out, so we are going in with ourselves. That's inspiring enough, honestly. We also have no more potions. Not true, we have two.
Starting point is 01:06:13 Thank you, one. Okay, let's decrease. Let's just hope it goes well. So you guys coordinate where the address would be and you are led to the edge of the abandoned district that you were in and you find this boarded up house covered in graffiti and you see that there's another hobgoblin here. It's got a shaved head, looks a little bit different. And the first thing he does is he grabs a pouch and he throws it to you guys.
Starting point is 01:06:46 And as you guys catch it, it is full of gold. Whoa! Oh, hi! Thank you! Yes, dark thoughts that you deserved more than just a treat. I was gonna say this is like a full three-course meal. That was a three-course meal. That was a three-course meal.
Starting point is 01:07:02 I was like, I'm feeling dark. Yeah. Is anyone else fucking feeling dark? Dark is my dark. meals. That was a feeling dog. Yeah. Anyone else can feel and dog. Dog is my dog. Give dog our regards. I'll give him your regards. Is that beef's cat? I think so. You guys do see that there's a thousand gold in the back. Oh, I mean what is like the most private place we can keep this because we are in a dangerous part of town? Yeah, you think we could pick up one of those bags of holding that those other goblins had? I feel like this is pretty heavy. It might be nice to have like, I don't know some sort of like ankle pouch or like anything
Starting point is 01:07:39 We could have to carry this awesome. I feel really bad being like a dog You just gave us a thousand gold out about a bag of holding Yeah, how much does a bag of holding go for? That's got to be a pretty common item around answering you guys don't need a bag of Okay, Harry's on the phone. You know what I have a funny pack. We'll put in there. Yeah Sweet, I mean, yeah, you see this guy nods and goes Sweet. Yeah, you see this guy nods and goes, dark was impressed with your work. And I want to encourage you if you ever would like to work for him again.
Starting point is 01:08:12 We're not unhonored. So cool. We will happily refer dark, Janie Jobs come up as well. If we want to be like neutrals on LinkedIn with us, then we're great. to come up as well. If we want to be like mutuals on LinkedIn with us, then we're going to be on, you need to deactivate your LinkedIn. We're fucking high. What?
Starting point is 01:08:33 One from a corporation. I know we're on the run and we don't work for Mother of Ship anymore, but like, Deactivate my LinkedIn? Did you just post that? I had some ruminations. I posted it to say freelance. You can't be posting screens on your fucking LinkedIn when we're on the fucking room. Just you grab your phone and just toss it.
Starting point is 01:08:54 No phones. The timestamps that you did that during the fight. I had a free moment in the midst. You all, you wanted to meet Mark Oblin, right? Yes. You wanted to meet Mark goblin right? Yes, you wanted to meet Mark. Yes, yes, yes. I guess you want to connect with her the old fashioned way. Fine.
Starting point is 01:09:13 Dark told me you wanted to meet her. Follow me. You see, Sky goes over, introduces himself by the way as Grem. You see, Grem goes over Grabbs, one of the boards on the windows of this boarded up house. That's like covered in graffiti and it is not actually boarded up. You see he swings it open. It's effectively a door. He climbs in.
Starting point is 01:09:36 You guys follow him. You guys enter this dilapidated house and are brought to a basement. You see once he's in there, he clears a rug and under it, you find a ladder leading down a shaft. Down here. Can I just, just for one second. Come on into the dark tunnel. Yeah, underground.
Starting point is 01:10:00 Can you see something fused like a trap? Can I use like divine sense right now? To see if like anything's evil. Like there's like a demon or something? Yeah, go for it. Just to see if this is like a pit that wasn't orchestrated by. Oh, I don't even think I roll.
Starting point is 01:10:16 I think it's just a paladin thing that I have to see. Yeah, to see if there's like monsters by, no monsters nearby. Did we have time for a short rest? Yeah, you guys could have taken a short rest, but that means I get my key points back. Great. Sweet, so you guys take a moment.
Starting point is 01:10:30 And you get your hit points back and stuff. You see, Graham is climbing down the ladder. And you just hear from the darkness echoing. You guys go in? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just a little bit of a short recesso.
Starting point is 01:10:45 Right down. All right, let's. Yeah. I'll go first. Sweet, okay. Oh good. That way you can catch me a vice-lip. I will go first as well on your head.
Starting point is 01:10:59 Okay. Sweet. I'll give you guidance. Great. So I'll hang on toaliapie piggyback style as you climb down the ladder. I think I'm really cool about it. And I do the thing where I just slide down on it.
Starting point is 01:11:12 I was like, Residine, Residine, or something. We're in Wicca. Yeah, and everything. He's got a thousand gold. I'm feeling crazy. You slide down, you straight up hit Graham. Ow. Climb down reasonably. That's so sorry. I'm really sorry. You's slide down, you straight up hit Graham. Ow! Climb down, reasonable please.
Starting point is 01:11:26 That's so sorry, I'm really sorry. You were rushing us. Calder is so big that your arms hit the sides of the rock and it hurts as you go down. Neuro-tunnel for everybody. So yeah, so you guys climb down the shaft in complete darkness. You hit the bottom, are you here?
Starting point is 01:11:46 Graham hit the bottom and he goes, stop one second. You see, he lights something, he's got like what looks like a piece of dynamite. But then you recognize it as being like a magical flare. Oh, okay. You see in the light of this red flare as it's like starting to light up, there is a hatch below him. You see he turns it. And where's the hatch? He
Starting point is 01:12:17 cracks it open. It opens outward. And you guys feel a cool rush of air hit you. There seems to be a tunnel system down here. Wow. I'm a little disappointed that the hatch wasn't also under a rug, but go on. You didn't see it because you didn't have dark vision. So good at decorating. Can you bring the rug up because it's in the way right now? Somebody roll it up. Grab the other side of it. Somebody grab the other side of it. I'm getting rolled up in it. I'm getting rolled up in Grab the other side of it. Yeah, yeah. Somebody grab the other side of it. I'm getting rolled up in it. I'm getting rolled up in it.
Starting point is 01:12:46 Get out of it. All right. You guys see, Graham shoots this flare out into the tunnel. And a moment later, you guys here, like you feel a rumbling as the Earth quakes down here. And you guys eventually see this huge underground vehicle approaches the shaft. You see the lower hatch of the shaft,
Starting point is 01:13:13 and now lines up directly with a hatch atop this vehicle. There is of course a arcane rug on top of it. You see Graham jumps down, uses like a magic jammer to dispel it, breaking this little arcane cover. There's another hatch, he turns it, and opens it up. You guys hear all this whirling machinery and see lights coming from inside. Any motions for you guys to join him? Shotgun.
Starting point is 01:13:38 I race, I race called her for shotgun. I've called shotgun. You're moving too fast. I've faced it. I've faced it. I race I race called her for shotgun I Would do I faced it I faced it. Yeah, you guys all jump down you almost Have heard of yourself since you all try to cram in at the same time easy easy. What is with you guys? My brother's didn't Time
Starting point is 01:13:59 What I Can I say I'm very sensitive. All right, I'll just sit on your head. Who cares? No respects, the rules. As you guys get down, you see, Graham closes the hatch behind you
Starting point is 01:14:13 and the vehicle begins moving again. It seems like this moving lab is constantly switching places so that the mothership can never track it down. Sorry. I'm coming. I'm coming. We will waste in our time in the fucking sky. The it down. Sorry. I'm coming. I'm coming. You will waste in our time in the fucking sky. The fucking pot.
Starting point is 01:14:28 He's on to ground. Yeah. Is there a giant drill on the front of this car? It does seem to have some kind of burrowing capabilities for sure. Absolutely rad. Because there was no track or anything like that. You see that the lab is kind of like an underground submarine.
Starting point is 01:14:43 It's quite long, but it's pretty narrow. You see that the walls are lined with all of this glowing equipment and magitech. It's projecting different images and numbers. And based on what you've heard about Maagablan, who is effectively a magic hacker, you can assume that a lot of these numbers and things you're seeing is like kind of her stealing or uploading some kind of her stealing or uploading some kind of like magical code from the mothership or running programs to try to like predict
Starting point is 01:15:10 different access codes and things like that. So she can decode messages. I bet she could get me a burner LinkedIn. Um, you need to disconnect. It's so good for your mental health to just kind of lock off. I just feel like I'd be a drift. How would people know of my successes and my failures and my triumphs? You just made a thousand goals, just, you know.
Starting point is 01:15:32 And I need to let people know that I'm making deals. You guys see at the front of this vehicle, working in front of a giant screen, powered by, you see like floating orbs. This is Ma Goblin. Each of the orbs she touches brings up a different image or a different code on the projector and you see her eyes are glowing as if she's casting spells as she does it.
Starting point is 01:15:56 She turns around as she hears you enter and you're maybe a little surprised to see that she is an ice goblin. Ooh. Oh. And Calder, you would know ice goblins from the frigid north. They aren't as skinny as they're like mainland cousins. They have to be like kind of thick and hardy
Starting point is 01:16:13 to survive the harsh winter. So she almost looks like a mini orc. You see that she's got like blue skin and short black hair tied back. And she gestures to you, call Daren goes, Oh, another friend from up north. I, frozen crystals form on my lips, I say hello. Oh, you can see his breath.
Starting point is 01:16:37 A glassic northern greeting. I think I'm like from back to the Feywild and I like perform like a fey cutsy which I would have done for like higher like ranking you know summer court, roaming court, whatnot but it's just like very fey so it's like a bit hopping around in a pirouette. Beautiful pirouette. You're welcome. Dark past your information along to me and I have run background checks on you. You see, she manipulates the word. You went through Saul's LinkedIn. You see she puts up Saul's LinkedIn spirit for her.
Starting point is 01:17:17 I've been doing a lot of naval gazing if someone else could just tell me my worth or about myself. That's not how this works You're not your worth not determined by this Right, it's how many recommendations you have you see yeah pulls up all of your guys stuff. You see Saul's LinkedIn page. You see it says D class Status missing possibly dead That's not gonna be good for my Rex. Yeah a scrap. Oh
Starting point is 01:17:50 If we can turn the possibly into a definite day. That's right Should I get Alby to take over my LinkedIn and say that he's very sad to announce that I'm dead? He really has to be making toilet paper This is more mothership day of the base. I just made it look like LinkedIn has become the fuck. That's clever. That's clever. We can actually do anything with it.
Starting point is 01:18:13 Yes. But anyway, seeing as you are not dead and you are not missing because I have found you, I think we might be on the same side. You must have jail broken, your monestones, otherwise they might know where you are. We did. We have a very powerful adult boy wizard. Indeed. Who did that? Oh, the best. An adult boy wizard. Yes. So an adult wizard. Right. the man wizard. The boy is very much a part of his identity.
Starting point is 01:18:46 If you really got to see him for it to sink in, how he is an adult boy. Interesting. Balding, but still with pluck. What can I do for you? Tell us about the side that we might be on. Oh well. You see, there's a little glint in her eye and she goes,
Starting point is 01:19:07 I'm trying to destroy mothership. I could get into that. I could too. Good, because I looked at your file and I see nothing but untapped potential. Really? Yeah, you big guy. Big guy. You failed. I've turned this all over. No, no, looking at you. Well, big frosty guy. You failed because of fire, yes? Yes, I can make it in the traditional way. Exactly, with flint. Flint. So why would you need to make fire?
Starting point is 01:19:35 It's what I'm saying. This is ridiculous. You are part frost mage. That is very good thing. We are from frigid north. We are icy gold and we are strong. I give Ma a goblin an iron grasp. She grabs your hand.
Starting point is 01:19:49 There's a frosty predator handshake that you have to use. So all snipples are just nightmare. Oh, your nipples. Well, I see. That's why you can't wear armor. That's, well, I see, yes, you were rejected because you didn't fight the way they wanted you to. No, I tried my best, but it just never seemed to fit.
Starting point is 01:20:08 Well, it doesn't need to fit. Look at this. 100% mission completion rate, top of your class at the Launchpad Academy. Is that what he says? That is what it says. Duck team, 100% completion rate. They might give you shitty jobs, but you two do those shitty jobs well. Wow. We do finish, and I think you've been under undervalued. Yeah, we do get a lot of coupons.
Starting point is 01:20:30 There's no one who's very pent up. I didn't realize I was finishing so much. Right, being pent up, I see here, Cali, you failed for injuring a proctor during a sparring exercise? Yes, I did. So they failed you for being good for being strong? Oh, no, no, no, no, it was it was moonfall. It was like, oh, the proctor was just like a really mean guy and I sort of like he was really arrogant and I sort of like let my emotions get the best of me and then you'll be you beat him at fighting in the game where you fight a
Starting point is 01:21:06 Noctum unconscious. Oh, yeah, I'm so And then but then you woke up and he made some really good points about how it was my fault or I mean like I mean it is it is your fault that he pissed himself, but that sounds like you just do the good job Okay, but his point was that kind of like a soldier, he's supposed to be like a fighting from a place of devotion to the mother ship, not like personal grudges. He was covered in urine, you're at that.
Starting point is 01:21:33 You're incredible at pulling moisture out of yourself and others. To me, that sounds like a him problem. Like maybe he was embarrassed. Believe me, I worked for mother ship before I knew the truth about them. I saw idiots and kiss asses promoted over me. I mean, I am a bit empathic and he was definitely embarrassed. He was like really embarrassed. Like it's so I'm so used to the stink of my own shame.
Starting point is 01:22:00 It feels like, it feels good though in a way. Does it not? Because you know what? That person who failed you, they are middle management and you will help me kill them. That's a pitch. Like, a lightning like blush in a cheek and tries to stifle it. like blush and a cheek and tries to stifle it. Yeah, yeah, we could do something like that. Yeah, and then duck. This is your duck. I did not see.
Starting point is 01:22:30 I saw you were a duck team, but I did not see anything in the... Yes, actually, you have all this access to all this stuff. Is there anything in there about like a mysterious duck that can get into rooms without the window being open? Oh, yeah. Any airfuel that it doesn't have any bone. Yeah, I just look does not have any bones. You see she grabs it Start squeezing it Oh my god look at this cool duck. Oh you could just squeeze it Look at this wonderful little guy
Starting point is 01:22:59 It's cute It's good He's very good actually. Yeah, I don't like to see him magic. He's magic. I'm not hurting Yeah, he's not funny So you don't have anything in there like oh one doc who was like accidentally made it and From just my own Magical knowledge I can see that this was summoned in some way, but not from mothership. This seems to be artificial, but not made in mass or anything by mothership. So this is also off the bubble just like us. Yeah. Can you help us name it? Gonna help you name it? Yeah, we can. It's your duck.
Starting point is 01:23:39 You just called it. Don't you know if you name something, then you are suddenly like beholden to it. And I don't think any of us has the emotional Capacity care for anyone but ourselves and maybe each other right now. This is like a fine Sustain fine familiar spell you you don't not even need to feed this duck You don't need to take care of it. It looks like it's taking care of you So it doesn't eat where does it eat? Where is he just hanging out like this? Wait, it doesn't eat. Where?
Starting point is 01:24:01 It doesn't eat. Where? We need to take this. Markov, just he's like looking. It's just, I look at the duck and I say, do you know what I need? Where? What?
Starting point is 01:24:12 You see, it spreads its wings like really big. I melt into its arms. Where is she keep the duck? That's arm. We should keep the duck. I think that in the same way that we are duck team and we know that we are duck team and we're just definitively duck team. One day this duck's name will become apparent to us. Okay. Duck teams didn't necessarily have to stick but you put it all over LinkedIn.
Starting point is 01:24:42 Also, right, we might meet someone who actually needs a duck and us, or a space in a life. You don't have to need it, this duck is wonderful. We're home. It's walking around, he's so cute. It's just we're all like, nice. Holy form, whole people. The duck can stay here, I'll take the duck.
Starting point is 01:24:59 No, give me the duck. I don't, give me the fucking duck. We should hang on to it just a little while longer. Just, not for it. Yeah, we just need just a little while longer. Just not for it. Yeah, we just need a little bit longer. We keep it to tomorrow. We just fucking foster in the duck. We're fostering the duck.
Starting point is 01:25:11 I think you definitely need the duck and it's fine. Okay, the duck is a foster duck. It's officially been promoted to a foster duck. The duck's name is Foster for now. Foster is pretty good. That's really good, yeah. That's a really cute name for a duck. Okay, so tell us about Beatrix.
Starting point is 01:25:26 Right, okay. I'm slowly writing Foster on a little call. Right, so Beatrix came to me for help with accessing mothership labs. I sent out for parts and made the jammer for her. Your friend, forgefatherkrugen, helped me get some of the parts. The incident with the dead S-classes is a cover-up. Dragon elves did not coordinate this slaughter. From how Beatrix tells it, the new S-classes were brought to an outpost with several scientists to monitor a quote-unquote training exercise. Hmm, I think we got a taste of that training exercise. Is that right?
Starting point is 01:26:15 Anyway, during it they were contacted by patina via hologram and she said a code phrase that triggered a simple spell encoded within the new S-classes. That's what I was trying to get. Beatrix said that the S-classes went white to eye and immediately began slaughtering the scientists. However, it did not work perfectly. Some of them were able to resist and they began fighting each other, and Beatrix was the only survivor. So I don't know if they've managed to make the serum more potent, if they'll be able to mind control people better in the future, or this happened just outside of the bubble. It is possible I do know that their magic is not the strong outside of the bubble, easier
Starting point is 01:27:03 for them to control people there. That is good to know for unrelated reasons. We want to do whatever we can to help Esri. If we can talk to Beatrix, we want to let her know that we're at her service. Yeah, because there's a whole side of Esri, but there's nothing to do with mothership. Yeah. Right, mothership has taken the city over, and they pretend like they make it better, but they do it to control everyone.
Starting point is 01:27:30 Right. Okay, well, Mark Arblin, I think we were thinking if you could put us in touch with Beatrix or honestly meeting you, if you've any needs of some jailbroken soldiers. I am always in need of some jailbroken soldiers? I am always in need of some jailbroken soldiers. Here's the thing, I actually do not have contact with Beatrix right now. She is with good reason paranoid about messages being hacked or being betrayed.
Starting point is 01:27:59 And she's not told me her entire life's story, but I do know that she has a lot of loss in her past and does not like to get close to people. Well, we can introduce her to this duck. That's good on us would be quite helpful. Maybe Beatrice is the duck forever home. Yes, foster. What do you think of that? Right, but in the meantime, foster, could you be a massage gun for my back real quick? Like a woodpecker going at your back.
Starting point is 01:28:36 And she continues and she goes, like I said, the Beatrix has not shared her life's story with me. So I'm not sure why she, because she originally defected from the Dragon elves and joined Mother Ship in the first place. But I can tell you now that she is hellbent on destroying them or at the very least stopping the s-class program. Right now, she's gathering data to figure out how the Mother Ship is controlling its soldiers. The s-class serum is only part of it. There's got to be some kind of magical device that is controlling them from the Mother Ship HQ because patina was able to set controlling them from the mothership HQ, because patina was able to set them off from the mothership HQ. She's going to try to track it down and destroy it.
Starting point is 01:29:12 But I think she is thinking a little bit with her sword. I don't think she can do it alone, and I haven't been able to reach her, but I have finished something in the past few days that I'm trying to get to her. I never thought to make this because I never thought we'd be able to get an agent crazy enough to get inside the mothership itself. You see, she pulls out a small, extendable wand with a magical green orb on the end of it, and she goes, this would be much more effective in destroying the S-Synth program than just destroying a machine. This is a specialized jammer outfitted with a modify memory spell.
Starting point is 01:29:58 If we can get the information from Beatrix findings, we can cast it on Alexandraite's core and force her to forget the recipe. My God. If you need us to get this to Beatrix, I used to be a career form with family. Is that right? So I'm pretty good at bringing one object to another place. Yeah, she's holding all our gold right now. Yes, well, I don't have an easy way
Starting point is 01:30:28 to track down Beatrix, but I can pinpoint when she accesses mothership doors. I can track her jammer. I can't track the exact location of her, but I can track when her jammer goes off. So whenever she dispels something. So I can send you a message when she enters Each queue so we're gonna if we're gonna meet her we need to meet her on board of mothership. Okay, she nods
Starting point is 01:30:52 Well, you can use this toilet paper to contact us at any time. Oh, this is nifty. It's called a roller day, right? Roll the train mat. Did we get you know that adult boy we told you about? Yes. Strange boy. This is handy work. I'm so proud of him. Yes, sounds wonderful person. And he's passionate too.
Starting point is 01:31:21 Definitely. Well, I guess we're just killing time until we can rendezvous with Beatrix then, right? Yes, there's not much we can do until she pops up again on my radar essentially. She may not go straight to Mother Ship HQ. She may open another door or something I can tell you. Last thing I saw was that she went into this specific lab ship. You guys would recognize this as being the lab ship. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:46 Yes, we're on. We're not revealing to her that we have like partial S rank serum inside of us. There's a lot of need. Yeah, right. Yeah, he's neat to me. Oh, yeah. So we have to get back to Esri. We should get back inside of our pool.
Starting point is 01:32:01 Yeah, we have to be waiting there for the the opportunity. Yeah, we can help you with that We can get you a bit closer You see she continues driving and you guys do see After a moment There's suddenly a an alert that pops up on the screen and you guys see projected pictures of you guys and she goes oh I had put out the alert on any mention of you guys see projected pictures of you guys. And she goes, oh, I had put out an alert on any mention of you guys within the Alexandra It's System.
Starting point is 01:32:32 Okay. I don't have access to things like, you know, like heavily classified things, like serums and stuff like that. But as far as things that are just sent out, there's like regular missions that a bunch of people are involved in. I can get access to that. And it looks like a mission just went out as like regular missions that a bunch of people are involved in, I can get access to that. And it looks like a mission just went out to find you. The field mages have been questioning locals and there is an A-Class team trying to track you.
Starting point is 01:32:54 Oh, yeah. Oh, that is really flattering. They said in A-Class mission. Oh, T-Class. You're in A-Class mission right there. Is there a high strut like a cock on the walk. Yeah, is there a monetary reward associated with our capture of the monetary reward?
Starting point is 01:33:09 I rise to my eyes, I rise to my eyes. Okay, let me look. Well, I think the way they would normally do it is it's just their job, but it does look like anyone who volunteered for this mission specifically does get a coup on the TGS Skydays for a free appetizer and the mojito.
Starting point is 01:33:28 That's gotta be a nice word. I have to wear a mullet and the bounty of the ice. Yes, yes, we made it. Slowly but surely rising. Rising. Let me see if I can get any more information here. You see she starts like digging through it, and she goes, yes, they've been apparently first
Starting point is 01:33:50 before they sent out the A classes, they had field mages talking to people around cities, trying to see if there's any eyewitnesses. Most eyewitnesses accounts are garbage, but does any of this give you pause? Is this leading you anywhere? You see she starts bringing up, like, people's messages, like eyewitness accounts
Starting point is 01:34:11 of people who say they saw you. I would love to see what other people think of me. Go ahead and- It's gonna be really brutal. I wouldn't have said counts, they're not sitting there being like, this person was ugly as hell. I fucking read through it.
Starting point is 01:34:28 I read through it all. I pick out the ones that hate me the most. She reads what she wants to. Oh my god. Guys, go ahead and give me Investigates or Perception checks. 19. 14. 15.
Starting point is 01:34:43 You guys look through and you guys see that a lot of these are bullshit. It's just people seeing people that they think look like you or they'll be like, I think I saw the one of them here or something, but you guys know that you were all together last night. So anybody who's saying that like, oh, I saw this a laver in here or I saw like a little frog guy here or something, you know that that's not. There's a bunch of people who say they saw you at TGI Sky Days. You see that the tiefling couple looks like they have said something. There's a message about somebody who seemed to be really overcompensating in congratulating
Starting point is 01:35:19 them on their engagement, and honestly they've been kind of thinking about it all night. It will stick with them forever. Can I get their names? Yeah. It's just Christ. Yeah. Oh yeah, we find them. I do need to just put mock face.
Starting point is 01:35:34 This person said there's also a surprisingly hot frog. That's a flattery. Yeah, there's a lot of hot frog talking. It said he doesn't even know. It makes him chew. It makes a lot of the tea really sweet of them to say. The tieflings are Adaline and Frederick.
Starting point is 01:35:50 Fucking Adaline and Fred's right. Addy and Fred. Fred. But you guys do see one that is you. You see a message that says, saw this strange crew riding a mothership mo-ped. That could have been anyone. Through the religious district,
Starting point is 01:36:12 it was massively weighed down and scratched up the paths. It seemed really slow, like why wouldn't they just walk or take a cable car or something? Scratched up the paths. They could, they could could they could take those I think back to whether or not this literally like a scratched path leading to where we are They're gonna follow that right to come yougan. No, we stopped a lot of times, remember? We went to a lot of different stores.
Starting point is 01:36:48 That's true, we did so many bathroom breaks. Right, yeah, we did a lot of windows shopping. You guys stopped a decent amount and you did some wacky shit, but you do know that all paths lead back to Albin and Krugan. We have to warn them. We have to warn them. We have. go in there. We're in them. We have to warn them. We have. I pull out the roller decks right now. Yeah, warn them. We have to sell them to get out there.
Starting point is 01:37:11 Are we not gonna stop even that? And we're just never gonna go back to the bell free again. Um, maybe. Maybe. Go go back one day. Someday. Listen, that's the whole point of this. That's the whole point of what we're doing is to make Ezri safe for not just us but everyone. You can tell Albin to grab your stuff or Krugin or something. Yeah. I message Albin and say, uh, Krugin's mo'ped messed up. Why don't you tell us that was a low rider? He's a gangster. He should know better. He should have warned us. And tell him to get me stuff because I don't want to be wearing
Starting point is 01:37:46 all this soldier gear for the rest of me life, especially for fucking laven. Yeah, I mean, I could knit us some new sweaters. I'd actually like that a lot. Okay, I'll get started. Yeah, okay, we could do that, but do get me stuff. Right, so I message him, say, to get our stuff and also to fabricate me some yarn. Great. And to leave, we can do that, but do get me stuff. Right. So I message him say to get our stuff and also to fabricate me some
Starting point is 01:38:07 yarn. Great. And to leave, right? Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I imagine, um, are we going to be able to get under the city to where they are? So should I just tell them to meet, let me just at a sewer grade and just jump in. Great. So you send a message in the rola decks warning Albin that the mother ship is potentially on its way and you actually receive a message back a moment later. He was always prompt that says they're already here. Oh fuck.
Starting point is 01:38:36 And that's where we're going to start. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,. We're friends. Yes, we will talk about the impending doom, of course. All of your friends. Over on our Patreon, that's patreon.com slash natpa. That's any DDPOD don't sing yet. We will not sing. We will never sing again. Jake, do you have anything you'd like to plug? You know, I'll plug my brother's shop, Halcyon.
Starting point is 01:39:04 Brother's the Halcyon. You Yeah, they make a nice hat. Yeah, we got we we dropped some hats. We got some wallets. So that's my jogger and hat buddy. Oh, good man. Very good man. I would love to plug our PO box. We've got a bunch of fun stuff there. Let's see. Someone sent us six bottles of yellow bird's sriracha. It's a Texas specialty and I feel like putting it on everything. It's got a little date in there too. I love these. Derek F. sent rundown Johnny a tube of Squabbissito pomme.
Starting point is 01:39:32 Yeah. Much appreciated stuff. It's a brand that has a skeleton with a pompadour on it. Which I believe I actually stole for my D&D Beyond picture from my job. You're in Hot Water, Swapasito, too. We are. That was a private profile. They found out. They got Maagal, but I'm pissed. You're making a ton of cash from that profile.
Starting point is 01:39:53 That's great. So rundown Johnny only fans actually. Yeah, I would pay to get boned. Hosted, he sent us a copy of Dragon Ball Fighter Z for the PS4, adibs on trunks. Oh, yeah, trunks is cool. Yeah. Um, oh, our M sent Emily a Naruto shirt with the characters as cats. Oh, my goodness gracious.
Starting point is 01:40:17 That is my personality. Someone sent us a shard of obsidian crystal. Whoa. Oh, no, no. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Starting point is 01:40:31 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Starting point is 01:40:39 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. The moon rises. Yeah, you were three days late to this recording. Right. Let's see, Aaron D sent us four mugs from Cupid hamburgers in Ohio. Apparently it's a burger chain that uses the Cupid all.
Starting point is 01:40:56 Oh, that's so funny. I fucking love it. I've drank coffee out of it already. Multiple times. Their motto is hamburger pickle on top. Make your heart go flippity flop. And those those mugs are a curse. I was not going around that. Why does it need to be hamburger? Good hamburger pickle on top. Make your heart go flippity flop. I feel like I feel like I'd be having a better flow with his hamburger pickle on top. I don't know what to fucking tell you you their mascot is a baby that's naked. This is a hand-pull song situation. Hamburg also makes me think of a giant iceberg made of
Starting point is 01:41:32 ham. Yeah, I think it's how you say it. It's hamburger, pickle on top. Make sure. Harco flippity flop. Hamburger, pickle on top. That's way too many things. What if you just the burger, pickle on top? You like that, you like that, you like that. Kate and Sil has a pause after the hamburger, so you could say, er, you're supposed to. If you need two syllables, it should be burger. Or it could be handy. Or you could be handy.
Starting point is 01:41:53 It should be burger, burger, burger, or picolontop. Yeah, there you go, go burger. Burger, picolontop. You're all embarrassing yourselves. Yeah. Ha ha ha. Adam H. sent Emily a set of silicon volcanic sweet dice.
Starting point is 01:42:06 Oh my God. Get those into my fucking hand. Oh yeah, they are great. They're like this. They look warm but also cool at the same time. Oh my God. And let's see. One more.
Starting point is 01:42:20 Puggy, the slayer of whiskey sent us an Amazon gift card. In order to request the shout out, guess what Puggy, it worked. We have us an Amazon gift card in order to request this shout out guess what Puggy It worked we have been bought and you have been shouted out And that's all for this week. I've got more shout-outs coming up so keep tuning in keep tuning in for this reason All this just for this mass forward to the shout-outs. Thank you all so much for listening You can follow us all on social media that we're mere men out used. Add CHMurf is me, Add Call is called well, Addie Ashford's Emily, and Add Chagrances Jake. And you can tune about the show using Hashtag NAD pod that's any DDPOD.
Starting point is 01:42:50 We are we are! Youth of the nation! We are we are! Youth of the nation! It's the end of the episode, which means it's time to shout out our Benevolent Council of Elters. Let's get right to it. Brad D. Jeffrey S. UC. Later Mixgator.
Starting point is 01:43:16 Matt M. Jordan D.J. Cutter W. Dylan B. Dungeon Mama. Danielle the Desterly Dame. Beardman Dan. Scott D. Danny P. Michael McDee. Vincent W. Miss Tercole. Victor T. A. K. A.aleigh, the cray-fay, Jared E. Christopher B. Damial R. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, Filbert the Therapy Duck, Richard X Machina, Michael L. Taylor S. Sir Carl, Jory S. Calum L. Jack L, Sam L, Nicholas C, Thaddeus, Thunders Turtle, Samuel B, Mike H, Martin P, Matthew E, Colton B, Heather G, Adam G, Ne-Badger, Panama James, Andrew the
Starting point is 01:44:20 Bard, Captain sigil, Nathan Cartier, the assistant king to the assistant king of Iron Deep, Hail to the Hammer, Diana, Cece Lululu, Barnesinator, Michelle O, Hair Cuele Poro, the rabbit folk detective, Timmy R, Crocaholic, Lucas B, Raco. It's Kevin, Calder's cold com, New York, Cascade skateboard CAST. Steven C. Mike K. Lady Taco. Joy T. Nara. Jake L. Nick W.
Starting point is 01:44:52 Brave the Badger. SVM. Mutton, the Mad Druid, who has been trying to undo his friend who has been stuck as a polymorph sheep for three weeks. Woof, good luck. Handy N-001. Aaron, the Asshole Ranger. Big bad, bearded of good luck. Handy Any, O-O-One. Erin, the Asshole Ranger. Big bad, bearded O-The-Mad.
Starting point is 01:45:08 Eric McD. G-O-L-E-J-O-L-E-A. Burly T. Percival, Frederick Stein von Musul, Klasowski, Derulo, the third. Christian A. J. Dragonborn. Joe Rowe, the inappropriate. Liam D. The Sandrayan
Starting point is 01:45:25 Ben A. Feldonis John III Dave H. Vivian Koala Bear Katherine S. David K. Christian S. Dustin S. Connor F. Hawkeye Pierce Bookfars Assistant ECF The Time Walker Blair The Bug Blair, Barbarberian, Kat C, Kelsey J, Pork Chop, Ariel, the Lacey Raptor, Minnet, the Magnificent Magikarp, Pat L, Achyuta A, Lauren H, Amber W, Ryan S, The Bone Duster The Charming Fluff Robot Crisps Master Brently Telekitty Creations The Official NAD Pod and my personal favorite illustrator
Starting point is 01:46:12 Mr. Satan the World Martial Arts Champion and the Earth's Protector Some quantity of bloops Carly Ann Addy Kay Laurie P Seth Alan J. Spam Gaming The Not not-so-skilled gamer, Grant L, Connor S, Christopher J. Pebblepot giving Jake the free plug, Brother Sister Beard Oil, Buy It, also Olaf dies in Frozen 2, Logan S, Leviathan, Bioquart 7, Amber Dextrous, Thrill of the Fright, Sullivan H. Trubhobdroper Sidney T. Jack H. King of the Mole City under Iron Deep. You face Joraxis, Eradar Lord of the Burning Legion. Garble the Moist.
Starting point is 01:46:58 Juicy Kiwi, Champ Wild, Vailin, Sprite Pepsi. Carlin' C. Louis is your dad. Noah the bagel of all things. Estelle. Loyal Theodor. Conflicted DM. Justin Labille. Torely Skirmisher.
Starting point is 01:47:15 Dandy. E&D. Bunnies Bunny Freya, who started trying to sabotage the Rumba for daring to clean the rug she lays on. Marcos P. Pup Kalishaelish learns the balanced druid. Dakota JP. Pagos, self-proclaimed, Faye Prince. Catrin, the great one, a warlock patron.
Starting point is 01:47:36 Tracy P. the Crick-Ell-Flibraryon. Friar Fras-z-t. Andiee, Holly Holly Hyena Anthony A. Lacey Page H. May be who is secretly a pile of frogs and snails that follow duck in worshiping Cali as their wet goddess who makes it moist. Timothy H. Kristen with a K. Dufinius Ah yes Cal, the Cal who has the best players. The Cal who DMs for Gwyn, Rin, Ace Dez, and the kidnapped Eric Cacra, Clarek, Gart. Commodore Galaxy, Edison Inn, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo.
Starting point is 01:48:15 Yes, the whole thing. Yes, every time. Nios, the novice monster hunter. War alive, Frost. Morgan M. Sticker, Steven E. Mr. Mr. Adams Meg the male carrier of Bahumia James F. Jimmy A. Cap and Capy M. For L. The Dragon Ambassador Wayfarer Andrew B. Dalton B. Cope Fresh Barpo Good Barrel Barbarian and Brewer Emeritus of Waterdeep. Tari Rhymes with Jabari.
Starting point is 01:48:47 Welshlander. Garrett G. AKA One Big Curd. Eric M. Mr. D. Tommy Kay Nola. John P. Mr. Sillyhead. Ortho D.
Starting point is 01:49:00 Renee S. Cameron C. Greg Land and Kyle P. And that is all of our elders. Thank you all so, so much for your wondrous support. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. If you would like to join the elders, you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nad pod. We hope you enjoyed the episode and we'll see you next week.
Starting point is 01:49:21 Bye bye. We'll see you next week. Bye-bye!

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