Not Another D&D Podcast - C3 Ep. 4: A Frog in the Fog (The Mothership Saga)
Episode Date: March 11, 2022Duck Team battles the Juicy Rats and the Lightkeeper cultists! Calder has a green thumb, Sol goes toe to toe with a Rat Daddy, and Callie has some break-throughs with the duck. Support us at&...nbsp;Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects include:"A Wizard's Tournament" by Emily Axford."Mothership" by Emily Axford."Mob Goblin" by Emily Axford."The Red Fen" by Emily Axford. "Spooky Shafts" by Emily Axford."Pordemola" by Emily Axford."A Memory" by Emily Axford. "Alexandrite" by Emily Axford."Left is Left and Right is Center" by Emily Axford."The Red Fen" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a Headgun Podcast.
Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast.
Welcome back to Bahumya everybody.
Bahumia everybody. Bahumia! I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Herwitz.
Gold Knight, wishing he felt old and tight.
Call it a chill day.
For a second, I forgot about Patina and I didn't understand what you were talking about.
Very confused.
A bit.
A little bit of a walk to get there, but we got there.
Yeah, it's a little hard.
His clothes don't fit because he's raised by giants.
So it's probably pretty loose.
Yeah, it's true.
A loose goose.
A loose goose.
A ducting.
And then of course, we've got Emily Axford.
Point sized and immobilized, a little bit petrified.
No allies, no compromise.
Can you empathize?
Please advise.
Can I have a peep at your car?
Somebody get Jessica in here.
Oh my gosh, I want to give you a prize.
Ooh, very good.
And then of course, called Waltanner.
Oh, dependable amphibian who loves to punch.
And if you ask nice, he'll make you lunch.
Salbu Fos.
Oh, that's nice.
Everyone happens.
Punch him well.
It's a good salad.
Yeah, I'm just punching up a bunch of eggs to make salad.
Disgusting.
Please, I had to eat eggs salad for like every meal when I was younger.
Well, like at school for lunch.
That is a really visceral image.
Yeah, clarifying that it was at school just making it any better in my opinion.
Just imagine you stinking of eggs opening up your lunch at a table
of people who are upset. It wasn't good for my life. Yeah, I can't imagine. But I guess it was
convenient for my mom. Other kids are eating peanut butter or jelly and you're getting egg salad.
Cream cheese and jelly on a bacon. Okay, that's pretty good. That's pretty normal. Yeah,
egg salad you can batch make though for the week. That's really good Heads up moming that's what happened. You lost your roll up to seventh grade with a zip lock of eggs
It's good
We got to save that 30 seconds on the peanut butter sandwich. Oh
Will you trade me your eggs?
Sick Emily has loose eggs again time time out. This is actually like too close to home.
I'm kidding.
Can we stop?
Can we stop everybody?
Okay, guys.
This is fun anymore.
Let's go ahead and do a little recap.
Yes.
Last time, we began by dealing with the fallout of your escape from the mothership lab ship, you conveyed to Albin that Beatrix, the soldier who was supposedly killed, along with the other S classes
in a dragon elf attack, had stopped the procedure while in the process of raiding the offices
of a scientist named Bidra Weevil.
Albin recognized the name Bidra from parties that he was not invited to but went
to anyway and gave you her address. With no other leads on where to find Beatrix, you thought
this was your best bet to retrace her steps and you hopped on a heavily weighed down mo pad to go there and investigate.
The only way to grind. Yeah, grinding.
We've destroyed the cobblestones of history. There is a public works.
Taxes are going up.
That's all those in our way.
To fix these roads.
Along the way, you guys passed the mother ship launch pad Academy and
Saul's worst fears were confirmed.
It appears the mother ship was indeed fabricating
zany adventures to indoctrinate its students.
Nothing real, not even the book sales.
No, those were real.
Yeah, those are real.
So, I mean, it's okay, it's real,
because I've gone.
Right.
You guys headed to Beedress House
and dismissed the guards there
by utilizing Callie's patina impression.
Once inside, you found a locket under the floorboards that triggered a video projection.
You saw Beedra, who revealed herself as a whistleblower, planning on going public about the S-class sleeper agents.
Unfortunately, she was called to a field mission before she was able to do so.
The device also contained a second projection, this one of Beatrix's raiding Beidra's apartment,
presumably getting more dirt on mothership.
You saw Beatrix equip the jambour device that she'd later used to break into the lab ship
and Callie recognized it as being something that had changed hands in Krooggen's church.
You guys returned to Krooggen, who was horrified
to learn that he was now implicated
in a plot by a rogue soldier going after the mother shit.
He just wanted to do little crimes.
He just wanted to do some little crimes.
He's a little crime.
So tough but so soft.
Yeah, after calming him down,
he revealed that he had provided jammer parts to DARK, a
hob goblin from a group called Mob Goblin and led by Mob Goblin.
Groogin told you, the bar that DARK hangs out at, and you guys left the bubble for the rough
and rowdy outer rim of the city to pursue the only way you could figure out of tracking
Beatrix down.
At the bar, you caused quite a scene by dancing on and subsequently flipping over several tables.
And Ogre recognized Callie from the bounty her family had put on her head,
but Calder was able to negotiate and get him to back down.
Afterwards, you spoke to Dar, get the rooftop bar bar and he agreed to put you in contact with
Maagoblin if you could help him with something first two warring factions were battling over
the spoils of a hijacked airship and he needed someone to clear the way so that Maagoblin
could swoop in and take it you agreed and headed off to a derelict
section of the city where you happened upon fighting at an abandoned church. Cultists of the
cleric theala called the light.
Keepers. We're battling the juicy rats in the street. You snuck past them and climbed to the
roof where Calder unfortunately fell through. For one reason or another, can't figure out why.
You decided to align yourselves with the rats and attacked only the cultists,
with a specific focus on their leader, Sister Rosalene.
It's a bad vibe, just a bad vibe.
Can't get anything.
No baggage at all.
Things were going well until the light keeper priests, these cult fanatics cast hold person on Caldor,
freezing them in place,
sister Rosalene then tricked the rats
into thinking you attacked them
by sending a magic blade flying out of Caldor's hand.
The rats turned to you, ready to pounce,
and that's where we are now.
Who's juicing who?
So you are all in this abandoned church.
In the middle of this fight,
the ruins of an airship have crashed through.
Like, you see, has shifted down
and like taken over the altar here.
The minor coltists are all dead.
There's not a ton of light keepers left,
but there are still two of the spellcasting fanatics
and sister Rosalene.
We are small in number, but big in the light!
She holds her hands out.
There are also three rat folk rogues, two juicy rats, and one big bad rat, daddy.
The juiciest rat of all.
Can you be juicy and daddy?
It's too powerful.
Oh my god, I'll ask Quora.
The rat folk rugs are next to act.
They actually have an ability that they did not get to use
last time because you guys kicked.
Their ass is so fast, but they actually have an ability
called rat, dag, or flurry.
So they can chuck a knife at three targets.
So why do all their attacks sound like B-52, so I guess?
Shout out to Cobalt Press.
Each of them will take an attack against each of you.
So first one, it takes an attack with advantage against Kali.
And if it hits, it crits.
18 to hit.
Misses because of my flourish.
Awesome, yeah, I don't think they can hit you unless they crit.
Next one, next knife, Flings, another one out at Calder.
Or I'll say, does all three at the same time.
Yeah!
Wow, looks beautiful and dexterous, but also hacks up a luge as he does it.
Ah!
Wait, does it do poison damage now?
Yeah, yeah, no, the flame is all over the knife.
16 against Calder.
This is.
Misses.
Yes, I need to move to the advantage.
Misses Calder.
Next one is against Saul.
Misses.
Nice.
Second guy.
Rolls of the minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Somebody threw a dagger at me?
Yeah. I'm gonna use my reaction to catch it.
Sick. You had to roll, right?
Yeah. God, I love my monster.
Oh, my gosh.
It's so black. I'm going to my monster.
It would be 5 damage.
5 damage.
Okay.
Rather, yeah, it would be 5 damage, yeah.
The flick missile is 1d10 plus 9, so I think I'm gonna make it.
You are a catch, catch, catch, catch.
I'm going to spend a key point to make a range to attack on this rat
Sweet are you catch the knife and you throw it right back? Wait, actually do I have to make it attack at the person that the router
Can I just make it at anyone?
It depends on what it says. I think you can probably just make it at anyone. Let me kind of check the language
Yeah, that's so great. But you like do it at you and then you fucking throw it at fucking Rosalene
I was probably gonna throw it at the person that cast the whole person spell on you
That's also even better.
That's better.
Such an angry Rosalene.
If you catch a missile this way, you can spend one key point to make a range to attack with the weapon or piece of ammunition.
You just caught as part of the same reaction.
Great.
Yeah. You make this attack proficiency.
Okay. Yeah. There's nothing going on.
Yeah. Go ahead and target.
Sweet. You want to make it at one of the, they're called cult fanatics.
I see them like focusing on a spell to
sweet wrap my friends.
I'm going to toss a rat dagger at them.
Sweet.
Fuck.
12.
12 misses.
Do you have bardic inspiration if you want to use it here?
You have other time, other time season.
I don't want to use it here because it's cool.
Yeah, it is rad.
All right, it's a D6.
Yep.
Okay, so there's 12, let's see if I can get it.
14. H right. It's a D6. Yep. Okay, so let's 12. Let's see if I can get it 14 hits
They're just wearing my god. I think that like the bar the faith inspiration is just like whenever you use it
Like a guitar solo kicks in and like groovy Centaur's dance around your head
Just like all 69ing
Holy shit, how?
It's hard.
It's really, really.
It's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really They're so powerful. They're doing so strong to be able to do this. That's a seven damage to the Coltus.
Okay, so I think that's a DC 10 concentration check.
Yeah, passes.
That keeps the whole person up.
Well, I did throw a dagger at them.
Seven damage, no joke.
These guys are not that strong.
Free.
Oh, sister, how?
That is the other rat folks are gonna go.
One at each ya.
So with advantage against Calder, fucking misses.
These guys are just, it's a numbers game,
but crits on Cal.
Oh, I'm kidding.
So there does get an at 20, manages to crit on Cali,
and then is going to make one more attack,
flings and knife at salt.
There's no way.
There's no way you can hit me.
Does 21 hit salt?
That hits me!
Yeah, don't go in.
It's all, how did you do that?
Hey, everyone said a while, you know,
if you fling enough knives, yeah,
yeah, hit while you're trying to hit.
You closed your eyes when you threw them.
So this dude hits twice.
Hmm.
Pretty quick.
He crits on you.
Only still only seven damage.
Oh wait, no, no, no, no.
Plus, gets a sneak attack on the first attack that turn.
So 11 damage to you, Cali.
He would actually, I hate to say this,
but he would roll sneak attack twice for critting.
Ah, you're correct.
And you rolled a six on the second one.
17 damage to you, Cali. Oh. And you're old as six on the second one. 17 damage to Cali.
And then you are going...
You can say you have these lower levels.
I know.
I should have a little bit of damage.
It goes a long way.
And you just take five damage.
Okay.
And then the last guy is going to do the Rat Dagger flurry and throw some daggers.
Of course.
Fucking Mrs. Calder.
Then goes after Cali 23 to hit.
It hits.
It hits.
Okay.
It's gonna crit on you again.
Oh no, Jesus.
15 damage.
Last dagger goes at Saul.
Mrs. that's a 14.
Ha ha.
You roll out of the way with a beautiful frog roll.
After. Oh I love that. So ha. You roll out of the way with a beautiful frog roll. After.
Oh, I love that.
So she wraps her own dog.
It sounds like a sew.
So long.
After the rat folk rogues turns,
that is Calder's turn.
Calder.
At the end of your turn, go ahead and give me
a wisdom saving throw.
I mean, I'll never be able to do it.
You don't look that excited.
I have bardic.
What did you roll though?
What did you roll?
I rolled a 12.
I think it's worth a try.
17.
You break out of it.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yes!
Calder, you are free.
You can't break this ice.
Okay.
So that is the end of your turn.
Calder, that is your turn.
You are frozen right now.
Go ahead and give me wisdom saving throw.
I'm gonna use the duck dice.
Wack, wack, the duck is trying to poke you into action.
12.
Come on, duck.
Believe it or not.
But that may.
That passes.
Oh.
Let's go.
Hey guys, we're only level five.
Yeah.
Amazing.
So I shouldn't use my bard because I'm just saying,
you have two and a three.
Yeah, let's do it.
It was literally shadowed to the two crew.
Okay.
Oh, amazing.
Oh yeah.
Alright, great.
I break out.
I'm like, Calda, it was like being frozen, but I didn't like it.
Yeah, no, it might felt like being trapped in a big pool of water that I couldn't swim through.
Yeah, like when you do it, I feel stronger, more solid, and this I felt more vulnerable.
You know, it's when it happens from a friend.
Right, yeah, absolutely.
That was a malicious freezing.
It's like frozen milk.
It's exactly what it was.
That is salstern.
Okay, great. So we got these cold-tests. It's like frozen milk. That's exactly what it was. That is Solstern.
Okay, great.
So we got these coldest.
We've also got Rosalind.
Everyone is at this point, everyone in the room is trying to kill you.
Because they think that Callie tried to attack the leader of these rats.
In that case, I guess we'll just go for these rats because these flurry attacks are no joke.
So I'm just going to go for a couple of the rats. I guess we'll go for the juiciest rats,
try and make an impression.
Oh, well, the rats that are throwing knives or rogues,
they're the smaller ones, the juicie rats.
There's a juiciest rat of all, is the rat chief.
He's very big and buff.
You see, not only has a monestone in his belly button,
but also has them on his nipples.
They're all very raw and chat.
And looks like magic surging through him.
You see, other ones that just have belly button gems.
Saul looks at these manastones and remembers his target practice from earlier.
And then just focuses in on them.
You shoot your tongue at his nipple.
Wow, that's fired.
Nuckiest guy.
So scary.
So all screams, they say it's not erotic.
And yes, I will.
It's what it is erratic.
Okay, first text, going to be 26 that hits.
I'm going to roll the second one.
Great.
Shout out to the two crew.
Okay, second one is nine.
So yes, that misses.
Great. But you know why don't you use the bonus action to do a flurry of blows. Do it out. one great shout out to the two crew okay second one is a nine so yes that misses great
um but you know why don't use the bonus action to do a flurry of blows do it out okay so that's
gonna be two more attacks shit yeah that's a 13 and 19 plus seven those are both gonna
have both hit so it's gonna be three attacks that's gonna be 3d 6 you see this beat frog combo as Saul lands in front of him. Astro gauntlets, punches him a bunch of times. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a Long December and It's easy to believe Maybe next year will be better than the last
It's kinda like your theme song called that
Yeah, oh wow
Along December
Along December, yeah
God, that's a great nickname
I'm gonna change the hat to it
That's whole December
We got it, or small
Or a small December
So, since I'm a month, month, I get to add my wisdom bonus
because my gauntlets are out.
So that's gonna be plus four for each of these hits.
So that's going to be 13 plus 12, 25 damage.
Yeah.
You fuck this juicy rat right up.
Still looks pretty hardy, but saw you punch him.
Your astral gauntlets glow and you jump up
and you nail a combo, whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew whew wh goes, oh you fucked with the wrong rat. I put these in myself. I can tell they're not
in there very firmly. They're so raw. I pound mine. This is how you put in a stone.
Did you have that actually put it by a doctor? Yes, but he let me help. Holy shit, it's
on your actual heart. Mine's like a little off because it's not a nipple. How are you still alive, my guy?
Don't know.
Sweet.
This guy stays up, but you fucked him up.
That is the two other buff rats who aren't as buffed
are going to come up and take cracks at Saul here.
So they come up and crack you with a morning star. First one is a 24 to
hit. Reaction, protection padded. You're not that close. It's got to be within five.
Second one misses. But first guy is going to like do an arcane smite with his
unstable magic to add a D6, 14 damage.
Okay.
And then we're going to roll on the wild magic table.
And that's a 41.
You see that the giant rat turns into a potted plant.
What?
Yeah.
I'm starting to a fucking plant.
Yeah, just like a nice ass plant.
I'm rain, I'm water-y, I see the flower.
This would be great for the bell-free.
Absolutely.
I look at everyone and I'm like,
what's taking the plant?
Right.
It's a really nice plant.
It's a prop take in the plant.
It's a rat adindron.
That is back up to the light,
keeper, fanatics turns.
They're going to go ahead,
and one of them is gonna cast a second level
in Flicked Wounds on Cali,
and one of them is gonna cast it on Calder.
That is gonna hit, that's a 19 to hit.
Inflicked Wounds is going to be Yikes.
22 damage.
I'm fucking down with Cali.
You guys see Callie drops
Oh, fuck strong with me
No one's gone down, but Callie
Don't cry
You see the second one is gonna make the inflict wounds attack against you
You are so strategic you went after me so I couldn't protection paladin him
That's a natural 4, wasteaste the spell slot, Mrs. Calder.
Okay.
That is the big juicy rats turn the rat daddy.
You see arcane energy swirling around his club.
Oh, little frog.
I'm gonna send you back to the rafters.
So all opens his mouth and you see his beautiful,
early white bully bugag tea are just
dripping with blood and he just spits. Jesus 12 on the first attack misses.
Missy 16? Missy misses Jesus good for you. I don't know how to say that.
Misses twice. After the buffest rats that is Sister Rosalind's turn. She's going to cast a third-level cure wounds on herself.
You see, a bunch of her wounds heal up.
Literally milk toes, right?
Yeah, literally drinks a sip of healing milk.
That is, of course, her spellcasting,
so thick, so thick.
So thick.
See, she's chug-sni-kurtled.
Chug-sni-k-milk.
Ugh, the sweet, nipple nectar.
You let that sit out on the sun.
I mean, it is a good thing to call male Quil,
I thought of that.
She's that sweet.
She seems to have healed up quite a bit,
and that she's going to use her movement
and run out of the chat.
Can I just wipe out her? You cannot wipe out her. You are off fighting the rats.
Fight on my children. It is not my time to go to the light.
The rat folks rogues turns. Kali is down, so each of them is going to go ahead
and do a knife at Saul, at Calder,
and I guess they'll get a cultist
with one of them as well.
Sure.
I can't believe they brought a backpack full of knives.
That's just gonna be so hard to reach into.
I mean, you gotta bring a Jansport.
First one is against Calder.
Eight misses. 22 to hit our friend Saul.
Oh, that will hit. That is going to be...
You fucking stabbed a frog. How fucking damn you?
I'm a fucking rat. I was talking to you, Murr.
10 damage, okay. But I am a rat in real life.
The second guy goes, first one, he gets called her. 23 to hit.
He's gonna hit.
Yeah, even with shield.
Jesus Christ, 14 damage.
Okay.
Second attack against Saul.
Uh-oh, misses.
Third guy, first dagger against.
Oh my God.
A good Lord.
A call her, 19 to hit.
Oh, shield.
Great, misses.
Big icy shield comes up.
Dagger dinks off of it.
Second dagger gets Saul.
18 to head.
That's my AC hits.
Jesus Christ, I rolled good.
13 damage.
Oh no.
Saul's down.
You see Saul drops.
I did forget to do a reaction.
Ranged attack. Can we say that I did that before I a reaction, ranged attack.
Can we say that I did that before I fall
from the other guy that missed?
I will let you throw one knife, yes.
Okay, thank you.
So like just as you're about to go down,
I'll say like one hits you in the gut
and you begin to feel yourself fading,
but another one comes at you.
You summon enough adrenaline to grab it,
and you can make one attack with that knife
before you drop.
Okay, this is my last key point.
I'm going to make the attack.
I guess these rats are dangerous.
I'm gonna throw it at one of them.
Great.
That's gonna be in 19.
Hits.
Great.
Okay, that's gonna be six damage.
You throw the knife back, hit this rat in the shoulder.
Ah, fuck.
You dropped this.
And then you drop.
Calder.
You're the only one still standing.
The more things are looking around.
Okay, I pat my pocket.
I know I have healing potions in there.
Correct.
And 10.
Inflate.
Yes.
Yes, so much fun.
So much fun.
Do I need to use an action to like deliver one more?
Bonus action, bonus action.
I spear it.
That's it.
All right, Alia.
Yeah, feeling worth.
OK, I will bonus action.
Toss a frozen potion towards Cali.
Great.
Oh, it's so frosty.
I used it.
The duck grabs it and pours it into Cali's mouth.
Is it like a slushy?
Yeah, it's like a little freeze pop.
I think I...
All right, the autopops, yeah.
Open up my eyes to see the duck.
And for the first time, I allow myself
to feel a bit of tenderness for you.
Right.
Right.
But then I'm also like, called it,
I'm fucking owe you my life 10 times fucking over.
You're the fuck you've, you've did so much damage.
Trust me, you're saving us.
And I'm gonna unsheat my sword and take two swings at, I guess I'll go towards one of these
dagger throwing rats.
Great, smart.
Okay. Yeah, these dudes are doing a lot of damage.
All right, that is both my attacks are,
it's gonna be an 18 and a dirty 20.
Both hit.
Great.
Save the chance, Porto.
Oh wait, we're supposed to do this from far away with you frozen.
We tried to work with you.
Oh yeah, then why did you throw a sword in our boss's back?
It was, it was a deception.
Right, a deception right?
I deception. Yeah do do a fucking
insight. I saw you frozen. I saw you
frozen solid and then a little sword
appear in your hand. Right. And then
comically like it was the animation.
I'm just. You saw me. Forward. Yeah.
Right. You saw me.
You never see a spell before. What?
What? What?
Oh my gosh, just making about it really art.
I just, I got a bag full of knives.
You got it.
Careful, he's monostones, I gotta explode.
25 damage.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Oh no.
I can't even forget that the sword is powerful.
That was good.
So it's good.
Fully kill one dude, slice through him, cut him in half,
and slice into another dude who looks very hurt now.
Awesome. after Calder
That is Cali's turn Cal your back up. Yes, sing fast. I'm pretty did you did you guys roll your healing
I think you should roll all right. I'll you I'm using a you know the big one which is greater healing push
I'm 44 plus four. 34 plus, 34, 16.
How are you?
Sweet.
Yes.
Callie, pop back up with 16 HP.
We're all juice.
With this nice icy frost gatorage.
You know what, these potions are bad
than if I use healing word.
So I'm gonna.
And do cost money.
Right, but I'm fucking reckless and I'm fucking from a breakup
So I'm going to bonus action bring up my friends
So
I'm gonna do it snoring again
I'm gonna do it via duck because I like that
So I sent over the duck and then I'm going to I think it's time for Kale to try finale
which is a second level bard evocation. Oh just from your Christmas gift the homebrew spells
that I found out. What? All right yes this might actually be from an old edition of D&D. Yeah, keeping the hoglet age here alive
keeping the hoglet age here alive and I
Commit myself fully to a devastating final strike finale since most people don't know this this is a
It's either a homebrew spell or it's an old spell
But it's a very cool one. It's a barred spell where basically you go for a finale
You get to do more damage and if you you fail, it's like reckless attack,
everyone gets advantage against you.
Whoa.
Incredible.
So you're gonna do this against the big guy.
It's so elevabond.
It's not, you know what, I need the fucking temporary HP.
So I'm going after one of the weaklings.
Got it, I have folk roles.
And you can cleave, right?
So I'm cleave.
Yeah.
18.
18 hits. And I'm going to, since we can cleave, right? So, cleave. Yeah. 18. 18 hits.
And I'm going to, since we can cleave,
I'm also going to do a second level divine smite.
35 damage.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, Callie, the...
That's that for curtains closed.
Pretty freaking good.
The Ezra Garden treated your emotions.
Like, they're a weakness, but you lose yourself
in a performance
and you thrust a sharp edge into one of these rat folk rogues.
There's an arcane explosion and it kills both of them.
Ah!
Yes.
Calli, what does a Calli finale look like?
Hmm.
Right now, I think that Calli is like
in this very rainy phase, right?
So I think right now, what it looks like is much more of just a swelling of a storm.
So I think like my hair goes up in the end, there's like wind everywhere,
and like everyone's getting soaking wet.
It's a very, it's getting so wet.
And then I like a slide on the wet floor.
Oh, six.
We're in the splash zone.
Slide on the wet floor.
And then like thrust the umbrella through them
and then open it up.
Oh, disgusting.
You stab one with an umbrella.
He goes, no, you open it up.
It just sprays his guts everywhere
and hits the other dude.
Juicy, good lord.
He's not lightning to that.
Okay.
The duck begins quacking fear of it.
So Merva, I have to ask you, this says that if it brings
a target to zero, hip points, you gain a number of temporary
hip points equal to the damage dealt.
Do I do that from?
Yeah, you can do 35 damage, yeah.
Ooh!
What's going on?
Let's go fucking owns.
I know.
It doesn't do that if you don't kill somebody else.
If you don't kill somebody,
then nothing happens except for everyone
has advantage on a tax case.
Yeah, so you did the right thing.
After Cali-
So that was so weird.
I was like, if I fucking missed this, then we're fucked.
Still a lot of bufferats in the room. That is
Solstern. Always bufferats in the room.
And you're back up. Oh, I didn't roll it. I didn't roll the thing for you.
Oh yeah, how much HP do I have?
Uh, 13.
That's great.
Alright, I'm feeling good. Um, how much HP do you have?
Um, I'm so fucking good right now.
Oh yeah, you just have the finale. Yeah, as she's stabbed.
The finale has me fucking like, I'm on fucking good right now. Oh, right, yeah, you just told me. Yeah, she said the finale. Yeah, as she stabbed into the studio. The finale has me fucking like,
I'm on fucking steroids right now.
The galley finale, you have to be wanting it on core.
She rallied after the galley finale.
I rallied after the galley finale,
but I'm out of second level spells.
Oh boy.
How many rats are left?
Two big buff ones and the buffest one of all.
Yeah, I'm gonna go for the juicy.
The juiciest one.
The juicy Lucy.
Shout out to Minneapolis.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Absolutely if I can burger that we tried.
Okay, that's gonna be a 16 and a 22.
16 does not hit.
Oh.
Okay, 22 hits.
Great, so that's just gonna be nine damage.
Okay, looking fucked up, but still standing.
I'm out of key points, so I don't know if I can do anything else.
That is the buff rats turn, not the buffest, but the buff ones.
One will go ahead and go after Callie, and one will go after Calder.
So first one is going after Callie.
Callie, that is 21 to hit.
Hit.
Okay, going to use unstable magic smite.
11 damage, and then we're going to go ahead and roll.
Oh, this one was a potted plant.
Stopped being a potted plant.
No, I was gonna use it to decorate.
A fun fact, if you had attacked the potted plant,
it actually has a vulnerability to all damage.
So it would have been double,
but you guys did not attack it.
Gonna roll on the search table.
No joke.
I just rolled another 41.
It turns back into a potted plant.
No.
So our rat flickers into existence
and then turns back into a potted plant.
Just a plant, rat, plant, fate is.
A good old fashioned.
How much can you fight Destiny?
Which one was it?
Was it a rat?
Was it a plant?
No, which one's real?
It's true nature.
What is my true form?
The plant says.
When is the polymorph a return to self?
That is the fanatics turns.
You know what, they're gonna try their old fave.
Hold a person again.
Oh, boom.
Oh, boom. They're going to give me wisdom saving throw.
Yeah.
18 passes.
Yes!
Same thing from the other one on Cali.
Wisdom saving throw.
Oh.
Ah.
19.
Oh, so nice.
Yes.
The juiciest rat of all is going to go ahead
and go after Saul again.
Right.
Misses on the first attack.
Second attack is a 23 to hit.
That does it.
Can I put action paladin?
No, you guys aren't close to each other.
10 damage.
And then we roll on the wild magic search table.
You guys see, after he hits and he does this unstable smite, you see smoke begins leaking
from the rat boss's monostones until Saul and him are both surrounded by fog.
Yeah, he's just he's just gone called her
Kali so you guys can you can fully hear him somebody milk this guy and smoke came out
That is
Sister Rosalene Stern she somewhere she seems so fled that is Caldress turn. I'm gonna tack the plant grace
He just poured out
attack the plant. Grace.
Yeah.
You just poured out.
I have not rolled that well.
What's the plant's AC I can't see?
Well, let me see, because I think the plant,
might have the same AC if you fail on hitting this plant.
Oh, come on.
Okay, yes, it has vulnerability to damage,
but its AC does not change.
So still has 16 AC, but it is incapacitated, so you do have advantage.
So you can roll again.
Careful, Calder, there's a strong glaze on that pot.
Just imagine you actually had him hit the pot.
He doesn't even just miss, he just sort of shits.
The armor works.
The hat was baked in a good kill
All right, yeah, go ahead roll again
Please grab that much better 13 damn or 13 sorry 13 hit 13
Swing down into the plant and fucking miss it's so small compared to you. I think yeah, I just swung over it Yeah, but I'm just gonna get a little lower and take my second attack. There you go
Alright that time it is an 18 it hits
11 damage so double to 22
Still a pot of plant looks like a fucked up pot of plant
The pot of plant lives. Oh, you just pruned it. Oh my god. Oh shit. Did you just not kill a plant?
I'm so fucking sad because I believe I just didn't put water on this
for like an hour.
I'm sure this is funny to people at home,
but I can't if I can't right now.
Hold up.
Hold up.
It's just a plant.
Hold up.
I'm serious.
We need to get you a session with Jessica.
Okay, she's gonna change your mind.
You can't hate her, but she's gonna change your mind.
Just tell me one fucking Pearl wisdom that she said you recently,
because I can't wait for a session.
She said, you can't expect someone to love you unless you love yourself.
And that's my gameplay and forget and my ex-boyfriend to be into me again.
Hey, it's not a real talk, sick-over there gang.
Easy the duck just absolutely does not know who to go to between Calder and Cali
Just keeps going back and forth between you was going over to Calder until Cali said the thing about loving
Myself so I can get my ex boyfriend back. I can't see you, but what sounds like it's happening over there is not good
Please have the duck.
That is Cali's turn.
Okay, I'm just gonna do enough.
I do em blade.
Uh, I'm not gonna do it on the fog cloud people.
Isn't there one outside of the fog cloud?
Oh, there's two, yeah, there's one that is a potted plant right now.
There's a potted plant.
Alright, I'm fucking tired.
Careful.
Careful.
Careful.
Careful.
Careful. Careful. Careful. Careful. No. It's too strong. Oh, I'm so worried.
I'm going to miss.
Maybe in this.
It's got 16 AC.
It's really weird.
It doesn't seem like.
I hate it.
I have an AC.
OK.
So it can be done.
You know what?
I think I'm not going to smite on this.
I'm not going to.
Because you know what hurt me.
And it's going to take an extra D6 for my doom blade,
but if it doesn't move, which is a potted plant,
it will take two more D6.
Cool.
14.
Uh, it takes 28 damage, is instantly dead.
Uh, potted plant breaks.
Um, you see the dirt goes on the floor.
And I, I think I, I look over to Calder and I'm like,
Hey, Jessica is going to have a lot of
like really difficult stuff for you to work through.
But as your friends, I'm going to tell you what everyone actually wants to hear, which
is you're the best in anyone who says you're not is a fucking idiot and I give you inspiration.
Ah!
What?
It worked for you? Yeah.
I just just to be clear,
Jessica know that he couldn't kill a plant.
Yeah.
Because I do that by accident all the time.
Yeah.
He didn't kill the plant because he cares about life.
Hey, you're in a fog cloud buddy.
I'm using context clues.
That is Solstern.
Okay.
Solstern fog cloud. Solstern, a fog cloud.
Solstern, a fog cloud.
Can I see the rat?
Go ahead and give me a perception check.
Cool.
Ooh, that's going to be a 22.
Yeah, you see his glowing nipple gems in the fog.
It's like fairy fire.
Yeah, you're dialed in, buddy.
So I am going to chug a potion as a bonus action great
Because otherwise I will die
I guess I shall assume my friends. Hey, is it okay if I use one of these greater healing potions all yours
Absolutely thanks gang. Yeah, why don't you ask the guy who can't kill a plant?
He's talking about me. He's got a a green thumb. Calder, I saw that.
He loves it.
Wait, that's actually really cool,
because I'm actually rain.
And if you could get some plants to stay alive, wake up.
Oh, I believe I decided to get plants to stay alive.
Wait, Calder, Calder, only the toughest plants can grow
from within the permafrost.
Jessica's never said something like that.
Can I pay you to be my therapist?
I'll do it for free.
Go ahead.
Just be my friend.
That's what I'm doing it for Alvin for years.
OK, so that's, I'll add my healing in a second.
I'm going to take two attacks.
Great.
You see my gauntlets like surge not with blue energy anymore
But with this like orange like sun energy. Hellice
Sun good for plants
That is going to be an 18 hits and also a natural 20
Yes! Good, fucking boy.
I just realized that we are down to one greater healing
and two regular, so we need to make some money.
The potions go fast.
The potions go so fast.
We have a cargo full of contraband,
so we should be able to make some gash.
Right.
So that'll be 2D6 for the crit.
It's 12 damage, and then looking very hurt.
Eight more damage, so 20 damage total.
On Deaths door, still standing.
For the outside, you guys see in the fog cloud,
these glowing gauntlets and these nipple gems on the light,
and you see, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
As this frog combo, as salt jumps up
and just like clocks, is it?
I think it as Like a ray
We say it's like a pinball noise every time I hit one of the nipples
That is the buff rat that was not a potted plants turn
Going to look at calder. This is one that's been making all the jokes
I'm clearly not a threat. It kills me to try to kill somebody with a green thumb like you,
but I got no choice, my friend.
I'm gonna play with you.
That's a natural one, these laughing for Lord.
Yeah!
You can't kill the guy that can't kill a plant.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Oh my God.
Sweet, these guys, the last two light keeper fanatics
are going to, once again, cast in Flicked Wounds
and try to hit Callie, Mrs.
and try to hit Calder.
Fucking that one, Mrs.
Yes!
That is the big buffrat daddy
is going to take two meaty strikes on Saul
in the fog, glowing gauntlets, glowing gems,
clashing.
He takes the first club attack.
It's a 21 to hit.
That's gonna hit.
I wish I could make these gauntlets glow less.
Yeah, you're kind of easy to see in here, but.
Your nipples are lit up like a Christmas tree.
Feastmas tree, sorry.
There is this arcane explosion as he does this unstable smite, and he does 17 damage to
you.
Fuck, down.
So his club smacks you into the wall.
You crash into the floor and are now passed out in the mist. You guys on the
outside do not see this happen, but you hear a sort of stop to the fighting in there.
As you say that, a moment later the rat boss jumps out of the mist and takes his last attack on Calder.
Oh no.
That's fucking four misses.
Yes.
Shit.
It does need to roll on the wild magic table
because he did do the unstable smite.
78, you cast Polymorph on yourself.
You see, I'll say it's true Polymorph.
It turns into a potted plant.
Another potted plant. What is the say about that? That's back up to
Calder, Sir Calder. This potted plant has dropped in front of you. Swung down on
you turn into a potted plant mid-April. The Aravind dead against me. I don't know why
because I actually never did anything to them. I couldn't, but I-
Break free from your pot.
Okay, you know what?
Gally said, I was fucking awesome.
And I'm gonna try to believe that as I swing on this poted plant, I have advantage, right?
Yeah.
It's a 16-dead.
You miss. Yeah. It's a 16-dit.
You miss. You do have body consideration.
Dirty 20.
You have.
Yeah!
Yeah!
You just barely play.
Get the outside of the pot,
but it might be enough to spill the dirt
out onto the ground.
That's hope so, that's 14 damage.
Calder.
Finish this pot of course.
I make unbroken eye contact with the rat that was making fun of me as I chug the dirt from the pot.
You straight up eat his boss
God even give me an intimidation check
You know intimidation is charisma isn't it yeah, so that was a 12 turned into an 11
Yeah, I feel like you really choked down the dirt. Yeah, I did it for effect
But I actually I hate a lot of dirt.
I ate dirt.
I do have a second attack that I'm gonna take on this guy.
Oh my god.
I can't see you so, but we have a tummy ache to see it with a...
15.
15 does not hit.
Can I toss a, I'm gonna say you guys don't know
that salt went down.
Oh, although actually, you know what, the miss would have cleared it.
Here's what I'll say.
No, no, no, the miss is not clear because it's all wild magic.
So this is not connected to him.
I think you could safely assume that something is wrong for this dude to have jumped out
and Saul to still be in the mist.
Um, great.
So go ahead and make a perception check, but I am gonna say you're gonna have to do it
with disadvantage.
Mm-hmm.
Could have been a 22, but it's a nine.
Wait, I got a 14.
You guys cannot find salt.
Callie, that's your turn.
So what?
There's a big buff rat here
and two of these cultist fanatics.
The rats nipples have to be pretty chaped at this point.
Oh no, this is another rat.
Nevermind.
This type of rat is fine.
There's no way I can try to do healing words.
I will say you did a perception check
during his turn.
I'll say you looked around the fog and it could not find.
All right.
I am just going to doom blade.
I don't have much left, but I go for a buff rat.
All right.
Go for a buff rat.
Go for a buff rat.
Why not? Have a buff rat. Yes! Oh, 19, but I go for a buff red. Okay, go for a buff red. Go for a buff red. Why not?
Have a buff red.
Yes!
Oh, 19, which would have been a creative
if I had been doing my Kelly finale,
but that's just gonna hit.
Okay.
So I'm doing a fast level divine smite,
and I add a D6 of psychic.
Okay.
Ooh.
20-C.
This dude is on-design.
Oh!
He's so hurt.
Ha!
Barely alive.
I regret making fun of his green thumb.
I've no more bardic inspiration to give out.
I've nothing to do with my bonus action.
How is a could use a healing word, but I can't.
You don't know what's happening.
It's always you look around the fog. You can't find him. I can't you don't know what's all this you look around the fog you can't find them
I can't find soul. It's all that is your turn. Go ahead and give me a desk saving throw with pleasure. I pour a little froc
The miss
It's a natural four. Oh, wait
All right, that is the Buff Rat who at one, is going to disengage,
and just run 30 feet and burst through a window
and try to get away.
It's just kind of gone.
Great, all right.
Two fanatics left, Soul was down, two on two,
they're gonna keep fighting.
Inflict wounds on each of you guys.
Makes an attack on Callie, only a 15 to hit.
Me see.
20 to hit called it.
Patexion!
There we go.
Look at him bro, that comes out.
Oh shit.
It's still hitting.
It's still hitting.
18 to hit.
That hits, still hits.
But just.
Do you have any more shield?
Thank God you mentioned it.
Yeah.
I put out my forearm and it creates a nice, you all.
Nice shield.
Great.
Okay, shield.
Both of them miss.
That is back up to Caldars turn.
Okay.
I guess there's two cultists.
Yep.
Have they been hit yet?
No, but they're not as buff as like the, the juiciest rat.
It's literally just you guys and these two cultists now.
If I attack them, can I use a bonus action to try to find Sol again?
Yes.
Okay.
All right, so I'll take my two attacks on one of the cultists.
Okay.
That is a 14 and a 17. Both hit. Great. Yeah. They're just wearing white cloaks.
They're just long t-shirts. I don't really know. 14 damage. 14 damage. One of these dudes is looking
quite fucked up, but both are still up. Go ahead and make a perception check with disadvantage to find salt. Okay. Ooh. Oh, I rolled a one and a two.
Oh, oh.
Fails.
Callie, that's your turn.
I think I look at Colder and I just,
I just fucking believe in him.
And I'm like, you fucking got this.
You have saved me so many times.
You are the fucking solid mountain ice rock
that I can like really hang my hat on.
So if I use like, can I use my action
and my bonus action to try to find soul?
In that case, I'll say it will be a flat perception check.
Okay, I need a tear that.
I'll say you can do a flat perception check and I'll let you use a potion with a bonus
action if you find him.
We're going to go ahead and say DC-15.
Okay, so I need to roll.
That's 12.
11.
You look around and you cannot find Saul.
Kill me, fuck.
Fuck, fuck.
I'm just calling out Saul. Saul. More here
anything. Saul's turn. Saul, please do not rule the one. Oh it's too early for a
one. Saul's got so much to do. Saul you're like the hottest person in
Azeri. I'm serious. I mean like I just want to be friends with you but like it's
really fun to be friends with the hottest person in Esmeralys. You see somewhere in the mist,
salt smiles. Oh my god. That, good luck. Good luck, boys. All right, these cult fanatics,
inflict wounds on Calder and Cali.
First one, 16 hit, you Calder.
Misses.
22 to hit you, Cali.
I'm in the mist, I'm in fog cloud.
So they would have to do it with dissonance.
Okay, so then they're gonna do the second one
on Calder as well.
22 to hit you, Calder. That one hits gonna do the second one on Calder as well 22 to you Calder that one hits okay
16 damage Calder it's actually
With my ICS endurance. Yeah, I rolled it 12. Oh, yes, so that is 16 damage that I don't take at all
Shit
Back up to you Calder. All right. Yeah, you are just strutting towards them now, covered in like a frosty sheen.
These things that Ezri had tried to kind of beat out of you are now coming to your aid.
You don't need fire.
You can practically turn yourself into an ice construct if you need to.
And you are walking over towards these guys.
I'll show you something cold.
Shout out to the duke.
No!
Whoa!
But I also rolled a dirty 20.
Yes.
Great.
Great.
11 damage.
You slash into him.
You do manage to injure him greatly.
This fanatic is on Death's Door.
It's not enough. That is Callie's turn.
Okay, so if I were to send a message on the toilet paper,
use my action to send a message on the toilet paper, because I have advantage on
trying to find him, like essentially a cell phone busing.
I don't, I just can't figure out
how that would work, I'm sorry.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, so I'm using my action to try to find him.
Okay, great, it's the little guy in the mist.
He's the little guy in the mist.
Oh, I need it to help.
His sweater's ripped and his abs are out.
I need it to help.
It's an act of honor! It's an's a wrap. It's an act of a wrap!
It's a wrap!
You look around, you're getting very upset,
and then you calm yourself, you think about it,
and you hear the very light snoring of salt.
Brrrrbit.
Ha-ha.
I love it.
I love the way he sounds.
And you find him. I think the strategic thing would be to just cast the healing words or
a regular, but I'm so emotional, but I just fucking use our last greater healing.
15. Before the potion even hits Saul's lips the warm tears from Calais face wake him up
My cry
I'm sorry. I've spilled my feelings all over you. It's okay. Do we get him cold is out there and he's been a fucking piece
Oh, yeah, the man is fucking chiseled ice. He's a burg. He's a fucking iceburger
For man, yes, stop him. Asshole you keep up. You jump up. You are conscious again. Okay. I'm in the mist
I guess I gotta do it
Oh, sick that I just like jump through the mist Oh, dude if you straight up jump up you see where everybody is you jump up
You grab onto like one of the like yes, I
Grab onto a ceiling beam and then yeah, I'm going to like kick and flip over the ceiling beam and then like just
Barrel towards one of the finale fucking hell yeah, go
I did this on the bell free today.
Ha ha.
Where, where?
Where are you? Are you not seeing the phone?
Where the duck is lost in the fight?
That is going to be an 18 and a 26.
Both hit.
Woo!
Yeah.
Okay, yeah, I think I'm going to do a spectral slap
with my tongue for the first one and then just like swings around.
Put both of my fists together and just blast through.
Fucking hell yeah.
Do it.
17 damage.
You're fucking astral gauntlet.
Breaks, one guy's neck and then goes through and hits the other one.
I'm aiming for the secret milk skin.
I know they keep under their rope.
First of milk comes out from the other guy.
Well, that's brutal.
After Saul's turn, that is the last Colt Fanatics turn.
He is just going to turn tail and flee.
Just goes and I cause his righteous dives
through a window.
Oh, then I'm there.
Wait, no, I wanted you to give me some brochures. Drops a bunch of
brochures. Sticks is in back in the window. Drops a bunch of brochures. Yeah, good. But I'll be
gets like a paper cup when he does. Brutally cuts himself going through the glass.
And after a bit, you guys see that the fog cloud does dissipate. There is still fighting going on outside,
but you guys are left alone in this church
with the crashed airship.
You've cleared the way,
and you guys do have the means to contact dark.
Okay.
Okay.
Um, who is like, well, you know what,
you speak is language. Yeah, I'm intelligent
I hand the roll of toilet paper to colder
We may have found a vessel that could be a bit just
You get a message back
Well, if you were to stumble upon something
perhaps associates who I may or may not know
So many quotation marks in that sentence and and if they came to this location
They would not find us and the vessel secured and did you do a winky face?
It's like between every is a winky face. He's like, between every word, there's a winky face.
You just get a message back on the roll.
Mayhaps we will.
Winky face.
You send back a winky face.
Too big of a, so quick.
You guys, yes.
Those two thieves can't.
You guys have like very much so like secured this area
The rats and the cultists in here are dead. I will say that like occasionally
Somebody from the outside does run in but there's literally three of you you literally get a surprise round on them
So like like a cultist will like run in to find refuge. You'll kill that here a rat will come in like yeah, we get the payload
You need to pay no.
Absolutely kill them immediately.
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And after a bit, you see that through like a back entrance
through several of these windows,
you see a bunch of hop goblins,
a lot of them in these like dusters
with like breastplates and stuff.
That's our fucking team.
And her.
It feels good, by the way.
Dusters and breastplates. It feels good. It does just a
breastplate. It feels home. They nod at you. Give you a little salute and you see
a bunch of them begin going inside of this broken-down ship. We'd
people's goods. Yeah, I was gonna say can I like run my hands through my hair?
Put on my face, charm.
I think it looks like a jet ski going through the water.
Your hair is soaking.
The hobgoblin just goes, whoa, what?
A little rooster tail.
And I'm just gonna say, we actually had a deal with dog.
For one treat, right?
One treat eat. Yeah
But good dogs
Right. Yeah, so can we have the note you can dig a tree? Okay, all right
You see they crack open a bunch of these crates these like wooden ones that need like kind of like a crowbar to like open up
They pop them and you hear the hobgoblins are like,
oh, all right, yeah, like kind of just
just a little muttering of like a little bit of excitement.
I'm mo'er to fit in.
Right, so licks his lips,
but it accidentally hits one of the hobgoblins.
Oh, hey, it's all, it's all empty.
Lucky a sman and a nice one.
It does look like you guys have stumbled
into something pretty good. This looks like a cachet of weapons and armor
magically enchanted
As far as taking a treat
These are effectively like plus one swords plus one maces acts as shields
Like you get bracers that help your AC or something like that
So you guys can kind of have your pick of whatever you like
Cashé, hey, hey
You don't cashé
This looks to be either
Weapons and armor going out to be like sold somewhere or it could even be something
You know a little nefarious of being you know, they're sending weapons to people in iron deep so they can fight
each other or something like that like some rebel army or something like that. I'll take a look at
some swords. Sweet. Yeah, you can go eat something are we? Maybe. Have fun. Swords are cool. Get a sword.
Yeah, this one's just a little big for me. I can see that it's got your brother's name on it. It's crossed out.
It's your name. Yeah, you look through the swords and you definitely see that there's a, you know, long swords, short swords, and great swords. Okay.
I'll do a great sword. Great. You pick up a big great sword. You see like one of the other hob goblins was eyeing it. Oh,
I get a treat
We claim the law of treats. All right, fine. They said you get a treat. You get a treat
He grabs the second best great sword
I find this like gleaming magical blade and a cool thing about these like
Better designed as reweapons like as D, you guys got bottom of the barrel stuff.
These ones count as first off magic damage.
So like when you attack like a more magical monster
that might have resistance to non-magical damage,
this will hurt them.
Not only that, but weapons like this can get like little upgrades.
Like you see there's like a spot for like a gem socket.
So you could potentially
enchant this. So right now it's just this like beautiful gleaming plus one blade. But potentially you
could like get like a cold sapphire or something in there that makes it do cold damage. Is this
spot for the stone in the hill of the play? Can I see if there's a hill, I could sort of like separate from Arabia and then replace
my umbrella handle.
Sick.
Yeah, to give it like a plus one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think you go through and you see that there are, I will say you don't even need to necessarily
like crack it off of a sword.
You look through and you see that there are parts
that can attach to other things,
like different ways to hold shields,
or different ways to hold swords,
based on if you're gonna do a two handed,
or one handed, or whatever.
And I'll say you find something that will allow your umbrella
to become a plus one shield.
I would not hate if there was like a heel
that looked like the top of a cane, and it was like a hill that looked like the top of a cane and it was like a duck.
Oh, Mary Poppin style?
Yeah, I'll say you find something that like effectively,
let you like change the way it looks because it is like a magical item.
I get rid of the plastic part and then I fucking put on this like a copper duck.
Brad, so good.
You see the duck's mouth is open.
You could potentially put a gem in there
to enhance this feel further.
I would never gag you.
What do ducks eat?
Sal thinks eggs.
Not everybody.
Sal doesn't circle.
Where armor, that's kind of the whole sticking point
for Saul.
So I was trying to find a way to maybe boost his AC,
but he's not quite sure how to do that.
Is there like maybe any temporary tattoos
that would give him warding or something like that?
Or yeah, there are definitely some bracers in here
that would give you plus one to AC.
And much like these guys stuff,
they do have like spots that you can like add
magical items to them.
Yeah, I think I'll definitely get some bracers
with some slots, give me some slot bracers for sure.
Yeah, you grab some slotted bracers and you guys all,
you guys all have your treats.
I'm still hungry.
Yeah, you see these guys are loading up the rest of this stuff
into bags of holding, being kind of quick
because you can hear that they're still fighting
going outside between the light keepers and stuff.
And sister Rosalene is still alive somewhere.
She's just like, unfortunately.
Unfortunately.
So you guys see that these hobgoblins
like kind of finish loading everything up
and they start taking off like out of back doors
so they're not attacked by any of these light keepers
or juicy rats.
And you guys do get a message from Dark
with just an address on it.
All right.
Great, that must be Mark Goblin.
Oh, this is huge.
So we're going in to Mia.
I'm glad we're doing it with these new treats.
Yeah, let's go in like really weapon forward.
Yeah.
What could go wrong?
Well she'll see that we don't have anything in our slots.
Yeah, true, true.
Right.
Okay, let's do it.
I've no more inspiration to be given out, so we are going in with ourselves.
That's inspiring enough, honestly.
We also have no more potions.
Not true, we have two.
Thank you, one.
Okay, let's decrease.
Let's just hope it goes well.
So you guys coordinate where the address would be and you are led to the edge of the abandoned
district that you were in and you find this boarded up house covered in graffiti and you
see that there's another hobgoblin here.
It's got a shaved head, looks a little bit different.
And the first thing he does is he grabs a pouch and he throws it to you guys.
And as you guys catch it, it is full of gold.
Whoa!
Oh, hi!
Thank you!
Yes, dark thoughts that you deserved more than just a treat.
I was gonna say this is like a full three-course meal.
That was a three-course meal.
That was a three-course meal.
I was like, I'm feeling dark.
Yeah.
Is anyone else fucking feeling dark? Dark is my dark. meals. That was a feeling dog. Yeah. Anyone else can feel and dog.
Dog is my dog. Give dog our regards. I'll give him your regards.
Is that beef's cat? I think so. You guys do see that there's a thousand gold in the back.
Oh, I mean what is like the most private place we can keep this because we are in a dangerous part of town?
Yeah, you think we could pick up one of those bags of holding that those other goblins had?
I feel like this is pretty heavy. It might be nice to have like, I don't know some sort of like ankle pouch or like anything
We could have to carry this awesome. I feel really bad being like a dog
You just gave us a thousand gold out about a bag of holding
Yeah, how much does a bag of holding go for?
That's got to be a pretty common item around answering you guys don't need a bag of
Okay, Harry's on the phone. You know what I have a funny pack. We'll put in there. Yeah
Sweet, I mean, yeah, you see this guy nods and goes
Sweet. Yeah, you see this guy nods and goes,
dark was impressed with your work. And I want to encourage you if you ever would like to work for him again.
We're not unhonored.
So cool.
We will happily refer dark,
Janie Jobs come up as well.
If we want to be like neutrals on LinkedIn with us,
then we're great.
to come up as well. If we want to be like mutuals on LinkedIn with us, then we're going to be on, you need to deactivate your LinkedIn. We're fucking high.
What?
One from a corporation.
I know we're on the run and we don't work for Mother of Ship anymore, but like,
Deactivate my LinkedIn?
Did you just post that?
I had some ruminations.
I posted it to say freelance.
You can't be posting screens on your fucking LinkedIn when we're on the fucking room.
Just you grab your phone and just toss it.
No phones.
The timestamps that you did that during the fight.
I had a free moment in the midst.
You all, you wanted to meet Mark Oblin, right? Yes. You wanted to meet Mark goblin right?
Yes, you wanted to meet Mark.
Yes, yes, yes.
I guess you want to connect with her the old fashioned way.
Fine.
Dark told me you wanted to meet her.
Follow me.
You see, Sky goes over, introduces himself by the way as Grem.
You see, Grem goes over Grabbs, one of the boards on the windows of this boarded up house.
That's like covered in graffiti and it is not actually boarded up.
You see he swings it open.
It's effectively a door.
He climbs in.
You guys follow him.
You guys enter this dilapidated house and are brought to a basement.
You see once he's in there, he clears a rug
and under it, you find a ladder leading down a shaft.
Down here.
Can I just, just for one second.
Come on into the dark tunnel.
Yeah, underground.
Can you see something fused like a trap?
Can I use like divine sense right now?
To see if like anything's evil.
Like there's like a demon or something?
Yeah, go for it.
Just to see if this is like a pit
that wasn't orchestrated by.
Oh, I don't even think I roll.
I think it's just a paladin thing that I have to see.
Yeah, to see if there's like monsters by,
no monsters nearby.
Did we have time for a short rest?
Yeah, you guys could have taken a short rest,
but that means I get my key points back.
Great.
Sweet, so you guys take a moment.
And you get your hit points back and stuff.
You see, Graham is climbing down the ladder.
And you just hear from the darkness echoing.
You guys go in?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Just a little bit of a short recesso.
Right down.
All right, let's.
Yeah.
I'll go first.
Sweet, okay.
Oh good.
That way you can catch me a vice-lip.
I will go first as well on your head.
Okay.
Sweet.
I'll give you guidance.
Great.
So I'll hang on toaliapie piggyback style
as you climb down the ladder.
I think I'm really cool about it.
And I do the thing where I just slide down on it.
I was like, Residine, Residine, or something.
We're in Wicca.
Yeah, and everything.
He's got a thousand gold.
I'm feeling crazy.
You slide down, you straight up hit Graham.
Ow. Climb down reasonably. That's so sorry. I'm really sorry. You's slide down, you straight up hit Graham. Ow!
Climb down, reasonable please.
That's so sorry, I'm really sorry.
You were rushing us.
Calder is so big that your arms hit the sides of the rock
and it hurts as you go down.
Neuro-tunnel for everybody.
So yeah, so you guys climb down the shaft
in complete darkness.
You hit the bottom, are you here?
Graham hit the bottom and he goes,
stop one second.
You see, he lights something,
he's got like what looks like a piece of dynamite.
But then you recognize it as being like a magical flare.
Oh, okay.
You see in the light of this red flare as it's like starting
to light up, there is a hatch below him. You see he turns it. And where's the hatch? He
cracks it open. It opens outward. And you guys feel a cool rush of air hit you. There seems to be a tunnel system down here.
Wow. I'm a little disappointed that the hatch wasn't also under a rug, but go on.
You didn't see it because you didn't have dark vision.
So good at decorating.
Can you bring the rug up because it's in the way right now? Somebody roll it up.
Grab the other side of it. Somebody grab the other side of it.
I'm getting rolled up in it. I'm getting rolled up in Grab the other side of it. Yeah, yeah. Somebody grab the other side of it. I'm getting rolled up in it.
I'm getting rolled up in it.
Get out of it.
All right.
You guys see, Graham shoots this flare out into the tunnel.
And a moment later, you guys here,
like you feel a rumbling as the Earth quakes down here.
And you guys eventually see this huge underground vehicle
approaches the shaft.
You see the lower hatch of the shaft,
and now lines up directly with a hatch atop this vehicle.
There is of course a arcane rug on top of it.
You see Graham jumps down,
uses like a magic jammer to dispel it, breaking this little arcane cover.
There's another hatch, he turns it, and opens it up.
You guys hear all this whirling machinery and see lights coming from inside.
Any motions for you guys to join him?
Shotgun.
I race, I race called her for shotgun.
I've called shotgun.
You're moving too fast. I've faced it. I've faced it. I race I race called her for shotgun I
Would do
I faced it I faced it. Yeah, you guys all jump down you almost
Have heard of yourself since you all try to cram in at the same time easy easy. What is with you guys?
My brother's didn't
Time
What
I
Can I say I'm very sensitive.
All right, I'll just sit on your head.
Who cares?
No respects, the rules.
As you guys get down, you see,
Graham closes the hatch behind you
and the vehicle begins moving again.
It seems like this moving lab is constantly switching places
so that the mothership can never track it down.
Sorry.
I'm coming.
I'm coming. We will waste in our time in the fucking sky. The it down. Sorry. I'm coming. I'm coming.
You will waste in our time in the fucking sky.
The fucking pot.
He's on to ground.
Yeah.
Is there a giant drill on the front of this car?
It does seem to have some kind of burrowing capabilities
for sure.
Absolutely rad.
Because there was no track or anything like that.
You see that the lab is kind of like an underground submarine.
It's quite long, but it's pretty narrow.
You see that the walls are lined with all of this glowing equipment and magitech.
It's projecting different images and numbers.
And based on what you've heard about Maagablan, who is effectively a magic hacker, you can
assume that a lot of these numbers and things you're seeing is like kind of her stealing
or uploading some kind of her stealing or uploading
some kind of like magical code from the mothership
or running programs to try to like predict
different access codes and things like that.
So she can decode messages.
I bet she could get me a burner LinkedIn.
Um, you need to disconnect.
It's so good for your mental health to just kind of lock off.
I just feel like I'd be a drift.
How would people know of my successes and my failures and my triumphs?
You just made a thousand goals, just, you know.
And I need to let people know that I'm making deals.
You guys see at the front of this vehicle, working in front of a giant screen,
powered by, you see like floating orbs.
This is Ma Goblin.
Each of the orbs she touches brings up a different image
or a different code on the projector
and you see her eyes are glowing
as if she's casting spells as she does it.
She turns around as she hears you enter
and you're maybe a little surprised to see
that she is an ice goblin.
Ooh.
Oh. And Calder, you would know ice goblins
from the frigid north.
They aren't as skinny as they're like mainland cousins.
They have to be like kind of thick and hardy
to survive the harsh winter.
So she almost looks like a mini orc.
You see that she's got like blue skin
and short black hair tied back.
And she gestures to you, call Daren goes,
Oh, another friend from up north.
I, frozen crystals form on my lips, I say hello.
Oh, you can see his breath.
A glassic northern greeting.
I think I'm like from back to the Feywild and I like perform like a
fey cutsy which I would have done for like higher like ranking you know
summer court, roaming court, whatnot but it's just like very fey so it's like a
bit hopping around in a pirouette. Beautiful pirouette. You're welcome. Dark past your information along to me and I have run background checks on you.
You see, she manipulates the word.
You went through Saul's LinkedIn.
You see she puts up Saul's LinkedIn spirit for her.
I've been doing a lot of naval gazing if someone else could just tell me my worth
or about myself.
That's not how this works
You're not your worth not determined by this
Right, it's how many recommendations you have you see yeah pulls up all of your guys stuff. You see
Saul's LinkedIn page. You see it says D class
Status missing possibly dead
That's not gonna be good for my Rex. Yeah a scrap. Oh
If we can turn the possibly into a definite day. That's right
Should I get Alby to take over my LinkedIn and say that he's very sad to announce that I'm dead?
He really has to be making toilet paper
This is more mothership day of the base.
I just made it look like LinkedIn has become the fuck.
That's clever.
That's clever.
We can actually do anything with it.
Yes.
But anyway, seeing as you are not dead and you are not
missing because I have found you, I think we might be
on the same side.
You must have jail broken, your monestones,
otherwise they might know
where you are. We did. We have a very powerful adult boy wizard. Indeed. Who did that?
Oh, the best. An adult boy wizard. Yes. So an adult wizard. Right. the man wizard. The boy is very much a part of his identity.
If you really got to see him for it to sink in,
how he is an adult boy.
Interesting.
Balding, but still with pluck.
What can I do for you?
Tell us about the side that we might be on.
Oh well.
You see, there's a little glint in her eye and she goes,
I'm trying to destroy mothership. I could get into that. I could too. Good, because I looked at your
file and I see nothing but untapped potential. Really? Yeah, you big guy. Big guy. You failed. I've turned this all over. No, no, looking at you.
Well, big frosty guy.
You failed because of fire, yes?
Yes, I can make it in the traditional way.
Exactly, with flint.
Flint.
So why would you need to make fire?
It's what I'm saying.
This is ridiculous.
You are part frost mage.
That is very good thing.
We are from frigid north.
We are icy gold and we are strong.
I give Ma a goblin an iron grasp.
She grabs your hand.
There's a frosty predator handshake that you have to use.
So all snipples are just nightmare.
Oh, your nipples.
Well, I see.
That's why you can't wear armor.
That's, well, I see, yes, you were rejected
because you didn't fight the way they wanted you to.
No, I tried my best, but it just never seemed to fit.
Well, it doesn't need to fit. Look at this.
100% mission completion rate, top of your class at the Launchpad Academy.
Is that what he says?
That is what it says. Duck team, 100% completion rate.
They might give you shitty jobs, but you two do those shitty jobs well.
Wow.
We do finish, and I think you've been under undervalued.
Yeah, we do get a lot of coupons.
There's no one who's very pent up.
I didn't realize I was finishing so much.
Right, being pent up, I see here, Cali,
you failed for injuring a proctor during a sparring exercise?
Yes, I did.
So they failed you for being good for being strong? Oh, no, no, no, no, it was
it was moonfall. It was like, oh, the proctor was just like a really mean guy and I sort of like
he was really arrogant and I sort of like let my emotions get the best of me and then you'll be you beat him at fighting in the game where you fight a
Noctum unconscious. Oh, yeah, I'm so
And then but then you woke up and he made some really good points about how it was my fault
or I mean like
I mean it is it is your fault that he pissed himself, but that sounds like you just do the good job
Okay, but his point was that kind of like a soldier,
he's supposed to be like a fighting from a place of devotion
to the mother ship, not like personal grudges.
He was covered in urine, you're at that.
You're incredible at pulling moisture out of yourself
and others.
To me, that sounds like a him problem.
Like maybe he was embarrassed.
Believe me, I worked for mother ship
before I knew the truth about them.
I saw idiots and kiss asses promoted over me. I mean, I am a bit empathic and he was definitely
embarrassed. He was like really embarrassed. Like it's so I'm so used to the stink of my own shame.
It feels like, it feels good though in a way. Does it not? Because you know what?
That person who failed you, they are middle management and you will help me kill them.
That's a pitch.
Like, a lightning like blush in a cheek and tries to stifle it.
like blush and a cheek and tries to stifle it. Yeah, yeah, we could do something like that.
Yeah, and then duck.
This is your duck.
I did not see.
I saw you were a duck team, but I did not see anything in the...
Yes, actually, you have all this access to all this stuff.
Is there anything in there about like a mysterious duck that can get into rooms without the window
being open?
Oh, yeah. Any airfuel that it doesn't have any bone. Yeah, I just look does not have any bones. You see she grabs it
Start squeezing it
Oh my god look at this cool duck. Oh you could just squeeze it
Look at this wonderful little guy
It's cute
It's good He's very good actually. Yeah, I don't like to see him magic. He's magic. I'm not hurting
Yeah, he's not funny
So you don't have anything in there like oh one doc who was like accidentally made it and
From just my own
Magical knowledge I can see that this was summoned in some way, but not from mothership. This seems to be artificial, but not made in mass or anything by
mothership. So this is also off the bubble just like us. Yeah.
Can you help us name it? Gonna help you name it? Yeah, we can. It's your duck.
You just called it. Don't you know if you name something, then you are suddenly
like beholden to it. And I don't think any of us has the emotional
Capacity care for anyone but ourselves and maybe each other right now. This is like a fine
Sustain fine familiar spell you you don't not even need to feed this duck
You don't need to take care of it. It looks like it's taking care of you
So it doesn't eat where does it eat?
Where is he just hanging out like this?
Wait, it doesn't eat. Where?
It doesn't eat.
Where?
We need to take this.
Markov, just he's like looking.
It's just, I look at the duck and I say,
do you know what I need?
Where?
What?
You see, it spreads its wings like really big.
I melt into its arms.
Where is she keep the duck? That's arm. We should keep the duck.
I think that in the same way that we are duck team and we know that we are duck team
and we're just definitively duck team.
One day this duck's name will become apparent to us.
Okay.
Duck teams didn't necessarily have to stick but you put it all over LinkedIn.
Also, right, we might meet someone who actually needs a duck
and us, or a space in a life.
You don't have to need it, this duck is wonderful.
We're home.
It's walking around, he's so cute.
It's just we're all like, nice.
Holy form, whole people.
The duck can stay here, I'll take the duck.
No, give me the duck.
I don't, give me the fucking duck.
We should hang on to it just a little while longer.
Just, not for it. Yeah, we just need just a little while longer. Just not for it.
Yeah, we just need a little bit longer.
We keep it to tomorrow.
We just fucking foster in the duck.
We're fostering the duck.
I think you definitely need the duck and it's fine.
Okay, the duck is a foster duck.
It's officially been promoted to a foster duck.
The duck's name is Foster for now.
Foster is pretty good.
That's really good, yeah.
That's a really cute name for a duck.
Okay, so tell us about Beatrix.
Right, okay. I'm slowly writing Foster on a little call.
Right, so Beatrix came to me for help with accessing mothership labs. I sent out for parts and made the jammer for her. Your friend, forgefatherkrugen, helped me get some of the parts.
The incident with the dead S-classes is a cover-up.
Dragon elves did not coordinate this slaughter.
From how Beatrix tells it, the new S-classes were brought to an outpost with several scientists to monitor a quote-unquote
training exercise.
Hmm, I think we got a taste of that training exercise.
Is that right?
Anyway, during it they were contacted by patina via hologram and she said a code phrase
that triggered a simple spell encoded within the new S-classes.
That's what I was trying to get.
Beatrix said that the S-classes went white to eye and immediately began slaughtering the scientists.
However, it did not work perfectly. Some of them were able to resist and they began fighting each other, and Beatrix was the only survivor.
So I don't know if they've managed to make the serum more potent, if they'll be able
to mind control people better in the future, or this happened just outside of the bubble.
It is possible I do know that their magic is not the strong outside of the bubble, easier
for them to control people there.
That is good to know for unrelated reasons.
We want to do whatever we can to help Esri.
If we can talk to Beatrix, we want to let her know that we're at her service.
Yeah, because there's a whole side of Esri, but there's nothing to do with mothership.
Yeah.
Right, mothership has taken the city over, and they pretend like they make it
better, but they do it to control everyone.
Right.
Okay, well, Mark Arblin, I think we were thinking if you could put us in touch with Beatrix
or honestly meeting you, if you've any needs of some jailbroken soldiers. I am always in need of some jailbroken soldiers?
I am always in need of some jailbroken soldiers.
Here's the thing, I actually do not have
contact with Beatrix right now.
She is with good reason paranoid about messages being hacked
or being betrayed.
And she's not told me her entire life's story,
but I do know that she has a lot of loss in her past and does not like to get close to people.
Well, we can introduce her to this duck.
That's good on us would be quite helpful.
Maybe Beatrice is the duck forever home.
Yes, foster. What do you think of that?
Right, but in the meantime, foster, could you be a massage gun for my back real quick?
Like a woodpecker going at your back.
And she continues and she goes, like I said, the Beatrix has not shared her life's story with me. So I'm not sure why she, because she originally defected from the Dragon elves and joined
Mother Ship in the first place. But I can tell you now that she is
hellbent on destroying them or at the very least stopping the s-class program. Right now,
she's gathering data to figure out how the Mother Ship is controlling its soldiers. The s-class
serum is only part of it. There's got to be some kind of magical device that is controlling them
from the Mother Ship HQ because patina was able to set controlling them from the mothership HQ, because patina
was able to set them off from the mothership HQ.
She's going to try to track it down and destroy it.
But I think she is thinking a little bit with her sword.
I don't think she can do it alone, and I haven't been able to reach her, but I have finished
something in the past few days that I'm trying to get to her.
I never thought to make this because I never thought we'd be able to get an agent crazy enough to get inside the mothership itself.
You see, she pulls out a small, extendable wand with a magical green orb on the end of it, and she goes, this would be much more effective in destroying
the S-Synth program than just destroying a machine.
This is a specialized jammer outfitted
with a modify memory spell.
If we can get the information from Beatrix findings,
we can cast it on Alexandraite's core
and force her to forget the recipe.
My God.
If you need us to get this to Beatrix, I used to be a career form with family.
Is that right?
So I'm pretty good at bringing one object to another place.
Yeah, she's holding all our gold right now. Yes, well, I don't have an easy way
to track down Beatrix, but I can pinpoint
when she accesses mothership doors.
I can track her jammer.
I can't track the exact location of her,
but I can track when her jammer goes off.
So whenever she dispels something.
So I can send you a message when she enters
Each queue so we're gonna if we're gonna meet her we need to meet her on board of mothership. Okay, she nods
Well, you can use this toilet paper to contact us at any time. Oh, this is nifty. It's called a roller day, right?
Roll the train mat. Did we get you know that adult boy we told you about?
Yes.
Strange boy.
This is handy work.
I'm so proud of him.
Yes, sounds wonderful person.
And he's passionate too.
Definitely.
Well, I guess we're just killing time until we can rendezvous with Beatrix then, right?
Yes, there's not much we can do until she pops up again on my radar essentially.
She may not go straight to Mother Ship HQ.
She may open another door or something I can tell you.
Last thing I saw was that she went into this specific lab ship.
You guys would recognize this as being the lab ship.
Yeah.
Yes, we're on.
We're not revealing to her that we have like partial S rank serum inside of us.
There's a lot of need.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, he's neat to me.
Oh, yeah.
So we have to get back to Esri.
We should get back inside of our pool.
Yeah, we have to be waiting there for the the opportunity. Yeah, we can help you with that
We can get you a bit closer
You see she continues driving and you guys do see
After a moment
There's suddenly a an alert that pops up on the screen and you guys see
projected pictures of you guys and she goes oh
I had put out the alert on any mention of you guys see projected pictures of you guys. And she goes, oh, I had put out an alert on any mention of you guys
within the Alexandra It's System.
Okay. I don't have access to things like, you know,
like heavily classified things, like serums and stuff like that.
But as far as things that are just sent out,
there's like regular missions that a bunch of people are involved in.
I can get access to that. And it looks like a mission just went out as like regular missions that a bunch of people are involved in, I can get access to that.
And it looks like a mission just went out to find you.
The field mages have been questioning locals
and there is an A-Class team trying to track you.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that is really flattering.
They said in A-Class mission.
Oh, T-Class.
You're in A-Class mission right there.
Is there a high strut like a cock on the walk.
Yeah, is there a monetary reward associated
with our capture of the monetary reward?
I rise to my eyes, I rise to my eyes.
Okay, let me look.
Well, I think the way they would normally do it
is it's just their job,
but it does look like anyone who volunteered
for this mission specifically does get a coup
on the TGS Skydays for a free
appetizer and the mojito.
That's gotta be a nice word.
I have to wear a mullet and the bounty of the ice.
Yes, yes, we made it.
Slowly but surely rising.
Rising.
Let me see if I can get any more information here.
You see she starts like digging through it,
and she goes, yes, they've been apparently first
before they sent out the A classes,
they had field mages talking to people around cities,
trying to see if there's any eyewitnesses.
Most eyewitnesses accounts are garbage,
but does any of this give you pause?
Is this leading you anywhere?
You see she starts bringing up, like,
people's messages, like eyewitness accounts
of people who say they saw you.
I would love to see what other people think of me.
Go ahead and-
It's gonna be really brutal.
I wouldn't have said counts,
they're not sitting there being like,
this person was ugly as hell.
I fucking read through it.
I read through it all.
I pick out the ones that hate me the most.
She reads what she wants to.
Oh my god.
Guys, go ahead and give me Investigates or Perception checks.
19.
14.
15.
You guys look through and you guys see that a lot of these are bullshit.
It's just people seeing people that they think look like you or they'll be like, I think
I saw the one of them here or something, but you guys know that you were all together
last night.
So anybody who's saying that like, oh, I saw this a laver in here or I saw like a little
frog guy here or something, you know that that's not. There's a bunch of people who say they saw you at TGI Sky Days.
You see that the tiefling couple looks like they have said something.
There's a message about somebody who seemed to be really overcompensating in congratulating
them on their engagement, and honestly they've been kind of thinking about it all night.
It will stick with them forever.
Can I get their names?
Yeah.
It's just Christ.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, we find them.
I do need to just put mock face.
This person said there's also
a surprisingly hot frog.
That's a flattery.
Yeah, there's a lot of hot frog talking.
It said he doesn't even know.
It makes him chew.
It makes a lot of the tea really sweet of them to say.
The tieflings are Adaline and Frederick.
Fucking Adaline and Fred's right.
Addy and Fred.
Fred.
But you guys do see one that is you.
You see a message that says,
saw this strange crew riding a mothership mo-ped.
That could have been anyone.
Through the religious district,
it was massively weighed down and scratched up the paths.
It seemed really slow, like why wouldn't they just walk
or take a cable car or something?
Scratched up the paths.
They could, they could could they could take those
I think back to whether or not this literally like a scratched path leading to where we are
They're gonna follow that right to come yougan. No, we stopped a lot of times, remember?
We went to a lot of different stores.
That's true, we did so many bathroom breaks.
Right, yeah, we did a lot of windows shopping.
You guys stopped a decent amount and you did some wacky shit,
but you do know that all paths lead back to Albin and Krugan.
We have to warn them.
We have to warn them. We have. go in there. We're in them. We have to warn them.
We have. I pull out the roller decks right now.
Yeah, warn them. We have to sell them to get out there.
Are we not gonna stop even that?
And we're just never gonna go back to the bell free again.
Um, maybe. Maybe.
Go go back one day.
Someday. Listen, that's the whole point of this.
That's the whole point of what we're doing is to make Ezri safe for not just us but everyone. You can tell Albin to grab your stuff
or Krugin or something. Yeah. I message Albin and say, uh, Krugin's mo'ped messed up.
Why don't you tell us that was a low rider? He's a gangster. He should know better. He should have warned us. And tell him to get me stuff because I don't want to be wearing
all this soldier gear for the rest of me life, especially
for fucking laven.
Yeah, I mean, I could knit us some new sweaters.
I'd actually like that a lot.
Okay, I'll get started.
Yeah, okay, we could do that, but do get me stuff.
Right, so I message him, say, to get our stuff
and also to fabricate me some yarn. Great. And to leave, we can do that, but do get me stuff. Right. So I message him say to get our stuff and also to fabricate me some
yarn. Great. And to leave, right? Right. Right.
Yeah. Yeah. I imagine, um, are we going to be able to get
under the city to where they are? So should I just tell them
to meet, let me just at a sewer grade and just jump in. Great.
So you send a message in the rola decks warning Albin that
the mother ship is potentially on its way and you actually receive a message back a moment later.
He was always prompt that says they're already here.
Oh fuck.
And that's where we're going to start. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,. We're friends. Yes, we will talk about the impending doom, of course.
All of your friends.
Over on our Patreon, that's patreon.com slash natpa.
That's any DDPOD don't sing yet.
We will not sing.
We will never sing again.
Jake, do you have anything you'd like to plug?
You know, I'll plug my brother's shop, Halcyon.
Brother's the Halcyon. You Yeah, they make a nice hat.
Yeah, we got we we dropped some hats. We got some wallets. So that's my jogger and
hat buddy. Oh, good man. Very good man. I would love to plug our PO box. We've got
a bunch of fun stuff there. Let's see. Someone sent us six bottles of
yellow bird's sriracha. It's a Texas specialty and I feel like putting it on
everything. It's got a little date in there too.
I love these.
Derek F. sent rundown Johnny a tube of Squabbissito pomme.
Yeah. Much appreciated stuff. It's a brand that has a skeleton with a
pompadour on it. Which I believe I actually stole for my
D&D Beyond picture from my job. You're in Hot Water, Swapasito, too.
We are.
That was a private profile.
They found out.
They got Maagal, but I'm pissed.
You're making a ton of cash from that profile.
That's great.
So rundown Johnny only fans actually.
Yeah, I would pay to get boned.
Hosted, he sent us a copy of Dragon Ball Fighter Z for the PS4, adibs on trunks.
Oh, yeah, trunks is cool.
Yeah.
Um, oh, our M sent Emily a Naruto shirt with the characters as cats.
Oh, my goodness gracious.
That is my personality.
Someone sent us a shard of obsidian crystal. Whoa. Oh, no, no. No. No. No. No. No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No. No.
No.
No. No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No. No. No. No. The moon rises. Yeah, you were three days late to this recording.
Right. Let's see, Aaron D sent us four mugs from Cupid hamburgers in Ohio.
Apparently it's a burger chain that uses the Cupid all.
Oh, that's so funny. I fucking love it. I've drank coffee out of it already.
Multiple times. Their motto is hamburger pickle on top. Make
your heart go flippity flop. And those those mugs are a curse.
I was not going around that. Why does it need to be hamburger?
Good hamburger pickle on top. Make your heart go flippity flop.
I feel like I feel like I'd be having a better flow with his hamburger pickle on top.
I don't know what to fucking tell you you their mascot is a baby that's naked. This is a
hand-pull song situation. Hamburg also makes me think of a giant iceberg made of
ham. Yeah, I think it's how you say it. It's hamburger, pickle on top. Make
sure. Harco flippity flop. Hamburger, pickle on top. That's way too many things. What if you just
the burger, pickle on top? You like that, you like that, you like that.
Kate and Sil has a pause after the hamburger,
so you could say, er, you're supposed to.
If you need two syllables, it should be burger.
Or it could be handy.
Or you could be handy.
It should be burger, burger, burger,
or picolontop.
Yeah, there you go, go burger.
Burger, picolontop.
You're all embarrassing yourselves.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha.
Adam H. sent Emily a set of silicon volcanic sweet dice.
Oh my God.
Get those into my fucking hand.
Oh yeah, they are great.
They're like this.
They look warm but also cool at the same time.
Oh my God.
And let's see.
One more.
Puggy, the slayer of whiskey sent us an Amazon gift card.
In order to request the shout out, guess what Puggy, it worked. We have us an Amazon gift card in order to request this shout out guess what Puggy
It worked we have been bought and you have been shouted out
And that's all for this week. I've got more shout-outs coming up so keep tuning in keep tuning in for this reason
All this just for this mass forward to the shout-outs. Thank you all so much for listening
You can follow us all on social media that we're mere men out used. Add CHMurf is me, Add Call is called well, Addie Ashford's Emily, and Add
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DDPOD.
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Youth of the nation! We are we are!
Youth of the nation!
It's the end of the episode, which means it's time to shout out our Benevolent Council
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Let's get right to it.
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Michael L. Taylor S. Sir Carl, Jory S. Calum L. Jack L, Sam L, Nicholas C, Thaddeus, Thunders Turtle, Samuel B, Mike H,
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You face Joraxis, Eradar Lord of the Burning Legion.
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Noah the bagel of all things.
Estelle.
Loyal Theodor.
Conflicted DM.
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E&D.
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Marcos P. Pup Kalishaelish learns the balanced druid.
Dakota JP.
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Catrin, the great one, a warlock patron.
Tracy P. the Crick-Ell-Flibraryon.
Friar Fras-z-t.
Andiee, Holly Holly Hyena Anthony A. Lacey Page H. May be who is secretly
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Timothy H. Kristen with a K. Dufinius Ah yes Cal, the Cal who has the best players. The
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Commodore Galaxy, Edison Inn, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo.
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