Not Another D&D Podcast - C3 Ep.44: Trial by Steel (Legends of Irondeep)

Episode Date: September 22, 2023

Duck Team investigates the origin of the cursed pendant, then faces King Ecktar in a Trial by Steel! Sol catches up with a buddy, Hardwon gets a second chance, and Callie confuses the haters.... Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.Music/Sound Effects Include:"Engine Room" by Zimbot at Freesound.org."Fanfare with Snare" by Vitovsky1 at Freesound.org."Crowd Cheering" by Gregor Quendel at Freesound.org."A Wizard Tournament" by Emily Axford."Forsaken" by Emily Axford."Malscurial" by Emily Axford."Winch" by Emily Axford."Lucanus Aer'Tea" by Emily Axford."Synth Night" by Emily Axford."Demigod" by Emily Axford."Mothership" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey there, Nat Pulse. It's your good friend, Caldwell here. Now you might think I'm using a sexy voice, because this is an ad for Adam and Eve. But the reality is that I'm recording this ad in the middle of the night, and both my wife and child are asleep right now. And I don't want to wake them up by yelling loudly about how much better your sex will be if you visit Adam and Eve.com right now. As much as I'd love to noisily proclaim that Adam and Eve offers discrete shipping
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Starting point is 00:01:23 everybody, stay sexy and remember, people are trying to sleep. Good night! Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumi Everybody. Oh, yo! I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Kerwitz. Hard one, sure foot.
Starting point is 00:01:54 Emily Axford. Swap an acid for something more flaccid. Kalyope, that's your goal. Oh, shit, that's good. That's really fucking good. I appreciate it. I had another one I was gonna do,'s good. That's really fucking good. I appreciate it. Thank you. I had another one I was gonna do,
Starting point is 00:02:07 and I just changed it the last minute. Well thank God. I was gonna say, Potion Deceva and Fay Music Weaver. That's pretty good. Ooh, but I feel like we have a really talk about. Bring back the flaccid.
Starting point is 00:02:17 Oh, in my head, Kaliah, he has a bunch of folk music. Fay, folk music, that's kind of. Yeah, I guess it's, of course. But that hasn't really come up, so. Yeah. I just appreciate going for flaccid over placid, because like both would have worked, but flaccid is,
Starting point is 00:02:28 you know, the better word, obviously. I want to make the listener's uncomfortable. Yes. Yes, strangely, when you do that, it makes me a wreck. And that, of course, we have the erect man himself, called the tenor. Let's hear it, boner boy, what do you got? Oh!
Starting point is 00:02:43 Can you hear the boner in his face? Can you hear, boner boy. What do you got? Oh! Can you hear the boner in his phone? Can you hear the boner boy? Can you hear the boner boy? It's not just my boner. It's every part of me is erect. I'm like a tree. Careful, dude. You're gonna knock over your mic. I'm a tree and I'm ready to bloom.
Starting point is 00:02:57 Oh, drinking a wine, but I'm feeling just fine. It's all bufo. What? Oh, no, we are the Ijric. You guys, he's doing his deep voice. I do my deep voice. Yeah, I got you, Calvall. I got you.
Starting point is 00:03:11 Yeah, no, that was cool. Give me that what the fuck, man. You all forgot when we started talking about boners. Was the thing. All right, and with that, let's go ahead and do a little recap. So last time we began with Calder and Jaina inside the Demi playing our prison of Ultras' Helm.
Starting point is 00:03:26 As they made progress towards escape, they were suddenly thwarted by a group of strange Goliath cultists reinforcing the arcane walls. Calder clocked a symbol of a knife through an eye on their cloaks and strange pendants that looked like bone. Meanwhile the rest of you were led by a Goliath in similar garb at named Lazar who took you to the giant king's castle for a victory feast. Once there, you were grabbed by Mourigan, King Ektar's half-sister who threatened you publicly,'m not a guy that sells me she's gasoline of the audience into thinking that maybe I don't see a mark but that doesn't mean it didn't happen maybe by cool lord commander night
Starting point is 00:04:14 bit it's not like I was trying to help with the deceit but I really got you were right up in your face you don't you could have gotten bitten at this one it's kind of hazy don't remember. You had a long day. Anyway, you were brought to a guest room and their hard-won recognized the symbol on Lazar's cloak, the symbol of groomsh, the war god currently terrorizing
Starting point is 00:04:35 his friends, and the god who gave Ultras' power. After a short rest, you headed to the victory banquet. During the feast, you sent Mauser to spy on King Echdarr and witnessed an exchange in an alchemist handing a vial of bubbling liquid to one of the Goliath cultists. Callie was able to use her unseen serpent to pickpocket the cultist, only to discover
Starting point is 00:04:54 that the vial was full of acid. With the help of Winch and a clever plan from Saul, you replaced the acid with food coloring and returned it to the oblivious cultists. Something more flaccid indeed. Yeah. From acid to flaccid. And just two weeks.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Fellas, I can't get any harder. Two weeks? His money worked out for that. What the hell? Yeah. You'll only have a painful erection for two weeks and then it will subside. All right, just then your new friend, a darrisden shortum, began choking
Starting point is 00:05:29 and Callie managed to heal him. But not before the attempted poisoning started a small kerfuffle. During the commotion, the cultist you picked pocketed, rushed off into the hall so Callie and Hardwood followed. Once alone, the cultist attempted to throw acid on your armor, but instead splashed you with flaccid liquid.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Hardwan pretended to be burning, and the cultist offered a necklace with Ultras' power to protect him. As the cultist removed the necklace himself, he melted away from the intense heat. Callie then inspected the pendant and realized that it was a piece of Ultras' helm. After casting detect thoughts on it, she was briefly able to speak with Jaina and Calder in the demi plane. Callie learned that Ultras' helm had been decentralized, allowing the strange Goliath mages to aid Ultras in keeping the arcane barriers up.
Starting point is 00:06:21 It would seem that the cultists, necklace gamb gambit was an attempt to get you to wear another cursed item from Ultras, so he could control you. Unsuccessful Lazar attempted to keep you at the castle, but Morgan allowed you to go free. Even though she canonically bit you, we've decided. She probably felt bad. She probably felt bad from me. The feelings of being really rebuffed by her are strong. It must have happened. As you left, you were approached on the other side of the castle fence by a guard who wished you luck before taking on a familiar chili gaze
Starting point is 00:06:54 and hitting you with some threatening words, revealing himself to be Ultras in disguise or perhaps having possessed the guard, the guard then walked away, and that's where we are now. So you see this mysterious guard disappears back behind the castle walls. You see the other guards closing the gate, just kind of shrug and ignore him,
Starting point is 00:07:16 and keep closing it. Do you know these guys? You guys are out here with Winch and Kenna, presumably walking back to Wch's place, you have this strange necklace from the Grumps cultists that seems to be connected to Ultras' helm, and Kenna goes, oh wait, so General Brodsbeard is in that necklace? She's in, if we collect all the necklaces, put them together, that would be where she's from.
Starting point is 00:07:42 Okay. Don't put it on though. Yeah, you see, Kenna looks at it, tempted. Kenna? Kenna? Can I put it on? Kenna, look at me right now. Can you make a promise?
Starting point is 00:07:53 Can you swear on the honor of Jaina Bronsby that you will not put this on? No! You can? No! We've got to watch. What do we have to say? We've got to watch. All right, everyone, we've got to watch. We got to watch. We got to watch.
Starting point is 00:08:05 We got to watch. Alright, everyone, we've got to watch. Alright. We're on Kenna watch. It's such an honest squire, okay? I'm wondering, are they going to be expecting us to go back to Winchester's place? They're going to try more shenanigans there. I'm wondering if we should try and crash at Dyristan's house.
Starting point is 00:08:20 Oh wow, he does have new hedges. We could do you. We could try to crash at Dyristan's house, I'm proud. I'm proud to see. I don't know if we wanted to use any of my equipment or anything to identify anything. See, here's the thing. If they burn down my house or something, that's pretty unsettled.
Starting point is 00:08:34 A lower public, yeah. I have a question. I kind of want to meet up with Morgan tonight. Does anyone else feel that itch? Hmm, oh. I think the itch from the bite that you got. Yeah. Yeah. I need to find more of a sporn on it. That rash from it. But I'm also sort of like, I don't know, like security. Basically, if things go wrong, we can ask Morgan how we can help her. If we lose, how we can help set her up to win and maybe tell her that people
Starting point is 00:09:07 are trapped in this helm and maybe she already knows, but I don't know. Yeah, I mean, she's like the closest in we have at the castle, so I think that we should try and shore that up definitely. I think I can try to get a message off to her or something. Yeah, what do you think, Harwan? Yeah, if we can, if we can invite her back to Winchester's place, maybe that's neutral ground, and we can all have a conversation out in the open instead of whispering and biting each other
Starting point is 00:09:35 in the great hall. Yeah, yeah. So just to be clear, she did bite you. That's one of the things we're gonna hash out at your house, Winchester. I might need her to weigh in on whether or not she bit me because my acting is getting to me. Yeah. Did you want me to check on the necklace and see if I can find anything more about it? Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. I think
Starting point is 00:09:58 understanding if we need to get all these necklaces together or if we we can use just one, or I don't know, anything you can discover. Great, yeah, you see, Winch grabs it, looks at the symbol on it, sees the eye of grooms, like this knife through the eye, and you see Winch as an archivist, as you guys get back to his kind of messy laboratory, he has stacks and stacks of books that he's converting over to Magitech.
Starting point is 00:10:23 You see, he walks over to a mess of books and much in the way that like people know their own clutter is able to find what he's looking for in there. And he goes, okay, let's see if we can't find some information about the guys who made these necklaces. Sounds good. So all hides in Jessica Alba cover magazine that he sees on the ground so that Harbour doesn't see it.
Starting point is 00:10:42 What was that? That's all what was that? I don't recall having that. That's crazy. Did you guys bring that? It's not from Sin City. Is it? It's so fucking hot.
Starting point is 00:10:52 That's it. If it's the May issue, it might have fallen out of my pack. The May issue of what? What's the issue of the May issue of Max some magazine, which, and I believe you were inspecting a necklace. The May issue of Max some magazine magazine when she is at the time. No, no. Which what are you thinking?
Starting point is 00:11:08 It's a giant size addition. I, this is the hard one. This is not mine. I did not put this in my lab. You brought this here. You brought this here, Saul Bufo. Why did you hide this and put it out? I don't know. Actually, Saul, if you brought that here,
Starting point is 00:11:27 then you rummaged it out of my pack. And I'm wondering why you did that. I don't know. Callis been gaslighting herself. I guess I'm gaslighting myself for reasons unknown. Yeah, you see, Saul has a two thousand what do you, then you can come out. There's a two thousand five, maybe copy of, of Maxum of Jessica Alba in city.
Starting point is 00:11:48 Advertising in city. Yeah, black and white. Return it to my traveler fact that day. Yeah, you see he takes a few of these books and he places them in a machine that almost looks like an oven. It has like a little hatch that opens up and closes, and you see a wind effect, begins blowing through the pages as a blue light appears to scan them. And as it does, you see page after page uploading
Starting point is 00:12:14 in the system that he has here, like all these projections. And you see he goes over and he starts typing and he goes followers of Grumpsh, magic users, Goliaths. And you see it flicks through a bunch of pages He goes followers of Grumsch, magic users, goliaths. And you see, it flicks through a bunch of pages, a bunch of information before locking in on an entry. You hear an AI voice from inside the Magitech go, order of the runny eye. What's her name?
Starting point is 00:12:44 The AI that just talked to you. We can it because it's not I like Sandra This is just my system. We can make it sound like Alexandra if you want or what do but what what is it to you? The voice that just spoke you've not given it a name just computer lady First name computer last name lady. I really like it. I am computer lady. Welcome back, Winch. I encourage you deeply for computer lady. Hello Mrs. Lady. My name is Hard One Shortfoot. Please Mrs. Lady is my mother's name. Winch, you gave this thing a sense of humor. I've never heard her be this flirty I know you have places to be by I mean
Starting point is 00:13:30 This week why what else Oh, there was no there was yeah, not just any no You hear computer lady brings up This entry on these Goliath mages the order of of the runny eye, and you hear she dictates and goes, Grumsch is a god of war who detests physical weakness, and thus rarely shines favor on magic users. However, the order of the runny eye is an exception.
Starting point is 00:14:00 With a distinct, sized disadvantage to the conquering frost giants of the frigid north, these goliaths learned magic with the intent of making themselves indispensable to their giant cousins. Careful not to steal the glory of their physical bettors, the order of the runny eye focused their talents on enhancing the powers of the giants they fought alongside, and trapping their enemies, they are warlocks, blood hunters, and talented archangelers. Interesting. The order of the runny eye is notable for its connection to the conqueror Ultras during the war between humanoids and giants some 250 years ago on mainland Bohemia. The order of the runny eye was said to have designed a helm for him that would allow him
Starting point is 00:14:41 to draw power from the beings that he was able to trap inside. Ironically, he was imprisoned in that very same helm by green nights of Galatoron during the war. The helm was presumed lost when the city of Galatoron was destroyed during the Allah's cataclysm. Huh. So, trapping I think it's like, I mean, I'm kind of hoping that this has just officially broken it because I feel like we should get a new hat for Calder. We gotta go to the small haddery in Hill Hall, anyway, so we can pick up a hat there if not sooner. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Can I be selfish and ask computer lady something? Hello, do you want the room? Hi, can you look up followers of Grumsch, Feywild. Searching, searching, one result. Ariox of the Winter Aladdin. Though not a follower of Grumsch himself, did unite followers of Grumsch and Cord
Starting point is 00:15:41 to battle the dragon armies of early Bohumia. Did he follow any God? followers of Grumsch and Cord to battle the dragon armies of early Bahumia. Did he follow any code? Search results in conclusive. And can you look up Christina Aguilara Maxim? February 2002. Searching, searching. That does not exist in our world.
Starting point is 00:16:04 I think the subtitle was Jeannie. It's a little bit of a problem. It's a little bit of a problem. It's a little bit of a problem. It's a little bit of a problem. It's a little bit of a problem. It's a little bit of a problem. It's a little bit of a problem. It's a little bit of a problem.
Starting point is 00:16:20 It's a little bit of a problem. It's a little bit of a problem. It's a little bit of a problem. It's a little bit of a problem. I don't know who Jessica Alba is. This is culture. Jesus. Can we tell how many necklaces are out there from this one piece? Do we know, you know, the roughly the size of the home? Yeah. You see, these necklaces are new.
Starting point is 00:16:38 So the computer and the archives don't have anything in here. But Winch goes, as far as the necklaces, I'm pretty good at identifying items But I think I know someone who has even better resources Okay, can we go to them? Is it more again? Oh, no, okay He opens up his channel with the boy wizard Who has finally Responded to your request from a couple nights, and you see there is a message in all caps
Starting point is 00:17:06 because you wrote in your code name as Saul Bufo. You see a message that says, Saul, by God, open your combs when you get the chance. Oh my gosh, is this active? Can we open them? Yeah, you see a winch flicks a few switches on a circular device that sits on his desk and a moment later, you see a hologram of Albin appears out of it
Starting point is 00:17:26 in his poorly fitting wizard robe and circular glasses, the hideous bald spot, it looks like he's been trying on a newsboy cap. Ha ha ha ha. Frog pal, Alvi. Kaliabee. Yeah, colder, you look so different. That okay, I'm gonna catch you up, that's our's our friend hard one. Okay. Yes the hard one sure foot
Starting point is 00:17:47 Yeah, pretty freaking sweet. Yeah, that's so cool. Oh Mr. Hard one. Yes I've learned about you at school to tell me all you know about divine hearts and the deep love the astral plane Um, of course And do you think we have time for for me to tell you all of my knowledge? I suppose we don't. I suppose. You know, hardwood, I hate to interrupt you, but he actually just walked us through that. Okay. Yeah, so he might be a bit fatigued, unless you want a hard one.
Starting point is 00:18:13 No, I've said everything I possibly could. I feel like I was, honestly, I was overliever-bossed out the ass before. Yeah, he got to it on and on and on and on and on. Yes, yes. I have to shut myself up sometimes. I'm talk, he got to went on and on and on and on and on and on. Yes, yes. I have to shut myself up sometimes. I'm talk, talk, talk, because I don't know how much I know.
Starting point is 00:18:30 It's like, if you get him started, it's like hitting over like a domino of bookshelves with just book spilling everywhere. Yes, I actually, I think I might just need to recharge with a magazine or something. I'm gonna sit down. What magazine? Yes, it's like a divine heart, but in a book form. That's interesting. Yes, okay.
Starting point is 00:18:51 We'll be sure to get you one. By the way, that hat is amazing. I think it would actually look great on Calder too, or in the market for a new hat for him. Yeah, if anything cool and arcane shows up in Esri, that's not absolutely corrupted by a technology or Defic giant. Yes, of course. Yes. I don't have context for that, but I I understand and I want to ask what on earth you're doing in Mosqueryl
Starting point is 00:19:17 But if you're there, I know you're busy, so I don't want to waste your time How can I be of help? Well, okay, I catch him up on the whole situation with Calder and Ultras and the Helm. Got it. I explain that it's been broken up into these little antler shards. I think there's a chance maybe they're doing some sort of ritual spell to strengthen
Starting point is 00:19:37 the arcane barrier. Is there any way you can take a look at this remotely? Yes, I send it along. You see Winch places the necklace into the Magitech hatch. And a moment later, you see a flash before it appears in Albin's hand. You see Albin casts his own spell on it and then begins scrolling through projections
Starting point is 00:19:56 of information on his side, casting essentially like a deep identify spell that gives even more lore than kind of you would normally get. And he goes, okay, well, I'm glad none of you put this on. This is a cursed item. It shields the wearer from taking fire damage, but at the cost of being linked to the necklace. So once you put it on, you can't take it off. You're that kind of? Yeah, kind of. Take note. Okay, but why would you want to take it off? Because General Brodsbeard is in there. Well, get you a cool necklace, Kenna.
Starting point is 00:20:26 Okay, we'll go shopping. It's not about the necklace. It's about the bed tour that's inside the necklace. How many times have I said that too, Kenna? Do I need the delirium? It'll work. It'll work. Yeah, I see Kenna just keeps looking at it.
Starting point is 00:20:41 And Albin continues and goes, it like you were telling me it draws power from another greater cursed item, the helm of Ultras and can transport the wearer to the same demiplane art prison that's in the helm. The thing that's different about the necklace than the sort of core magic item, Ultras' helm, is that with this, if the wearer shows divine power emanating from a pact with Grumsch,
Starting point is 00:21:07 they are transported to the other side of the arcane prison where they are free to leave. So essentially, it seems like these cultists that you're talking about can use this to move freely within the demi-plane our prison and we would be able to strengthen walls or cast spells in there. Do you think they could like take us with them? Or if we like got transported with them, we just go right into the barrier. Typically, because you don't show divine power as being blessed by Grumps, you would just be prisoners.
Starting point is 00:21:39 But I would bet if I spent the night working on this thing, I could probably hack it to make it look like whoever is casting it Powers emanate from groups regardless of wherever your actual arcane power comes from I could probably get you despite by by early tomorrow. All right, right? Would it be safe to put on then? Yeah, I could make it safe to put on Okay, yeah, well as safe as it would be for you to be in that plane if there are Cultists that also have the necklace and that are also in there, there's a chance that there's like seven or eight other dudes
Starting point is 00:22:10 that'll just kick your ass as soon as you appear on the other side. So we need more of these then, so we can all go in there. The more necklaces that we have, that means there's less cultists strengthening and reinforcing the barrier to it. Yeah. You see, Albin shrugs your shoulders. If you think you can get more. What would happen if all of them shout?
Starting point is 00:22:32 Would it be like the closing of a door or would anything in there get spit out? The helm will remain a demi-plainar prison. These are bits of the helm that allow followers of Grumpsch to go to the demi-plane art prison to help strengthen the arcane walls there. So is there a chance that the rest of the helm, the non-ant-load parts of it, is on Ultras' head somewhere right now? You see, he looks at it. This is the tiniest part of a helm I've ever seen.
Starting point is 00:23:05 Like, it's just the tiniest little pendant. Right. If he's a giant with horns on his helm, these are chavings. Okay. I see. Okay. So we can make a lot of these acolytes. There could be, there could be dozens.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Okay, so he's still, I was trying to understand the nature of this, but that makes sense. Right, so Ultras still has his helm, and these are just small, small little pendants for the acolytes. The way that you, to kind of explain this out of character, the way that you might, when you're making a teleportation circle or something like that, needs to really know where you're going, like you might have dirt from the other side of the world where it makes it easier for you to tie yourself there or like using part of a certain land or some kind of consecrated area for a ritual,
Starting point is 00:23:53 that is what this is. That allows ultra-sus-followers, slash-groups-us-followers, to freely get themselves to this demi-planar prison, presumably because Jaina and Calder were going to break out on their own. Yeah, okay, okay. So it seems like the plan has got to be to either distract some of the cultists trying like separate them from their tasks, maybe take them out one by one as best we can, just
Starting point is 00:24:18 like trying like limit the amount that are conducting this ritual, right? Yeah, I wonder about that. I mean, I'm really spent for the night, so I won't be much help if we try and take out a couple tonight. But I know that both of you are totally fine and back to normal. We've got our hands to fall because we're also gonna have to fight tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:24:35 Yeah. Maybe the best thing that we can do is just fight and win when we battle Ultras tomorrow. Yeah. Because if we can beat Ultras then These mages they'll be irrelevant. Yeah sounds good beat Ultras beat the cultists it rhymes So it has got it true it almost rhymes. Yeah, yeah, it's a slant rhyme. You have poetic license I guess winch is there any way you can like include this in the message to Morgan as well? I can get along to Morgan and maybe she could help from her side trying to investigate
Starting point is 00:25:14 these cultists or take out a few of them. Yeah, but it's whatever you think. All right, yeah. And you hear Albin, Chiamin, and go, and I do have something else you may want to pass along to any allies in Malskiril, but I know you're busy and I don't want to cause any more trouble. I don't know, no, no, you help us. Okay, I want to sign, thank you so much.
Starting point is 00:25:36 Bye. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. Dial it back, dial it back. We were able to do an extensive scan of the footage that you sent us wins from the ocean floor around the mother ship's immerseable. And we believe we may have located Alexanderite.
Starting point is 00:25:54 You see, he manipulates a floating interface that pulls up probe footage on Winch's equipment, essentially like sharing it with you guys. And you see a floating underwater shot of the giant mothership sub covered in windows and arcane shields, lights on inside and little silhouettes of all the many employees. And suddenly, as you fast-forward through all this footage and everything, you see a blurry metallic object fires and connects to the sub. And Albin goes there.
Starting point is 00:26:25 Whatever this is, it connected to the mother ship servers on board and according to our records, it set off an alert that they'd been breached but it was quickly resolved and we think it was the AI covering its own tracks. Yeah, I would bet that is the Alexanderite at the bottom of the ocean. Right, so it doesn't look like the full sort of Alexanderite that you saw, but a piece of her. So then we caught this piece of footage, this strange thing, and then nothing happens.
Starting point is 00:26:55 Or so it would appear. Alexanderite could have taken over the subs controls very quickly, but she didn't, because she wasn't targeting the equipment, she was targeting the people inside. And you see, the image zooms in to show silhouettes of the different employees around the mother ship sub with statistical readouts of how many people are in each room,
Starting point is 00:27:22 literally like health readings on the different people. And he goes, we know that Alexandra can quickly take over a host body like she did with Beatrix, but doing it at a large scale seems to take a lot longer because she's been targeting the transporters. You see, he zooms in on the transporters on board, and you see the outline of an employee being teleported into the office. As the employee enters via transporter, their body is rapidly rebuilt on a cellular level. Alexandra has been slowly replacing those cells with her own, replicating human function and presumably learning how to control them from afar.
Starting point is 00:28:07 Every time someone uses the transporter, she does a little bit more. What happens to the people that were trying to transport that get replaced by Alexandra? Where does that matter go? It disappears. Oh, this is a nightmare. So, yes, yes. So she's just creating sleeper cell after sleeper cell. Exactly, so we don't know exactly what she's going to do to put it into perspective. Your average A-class synth eldritch night
Starting point is 00:28:36 with magic and enhancements reads as about 10% synthetic and 90% biological. The employees aboard the mothership submersible are around 6040 in favor of synthetic. I don't know if she's waiting to get to 100%. When everyone on board is just essentially cybernetic clones, or if she's just waiting for the right moment,
Starting point is 00:28:59 but we don't know what she's planning or when she's going to finally flip the switch. Whatever second the pass, she grows stronger. Right. Is there anything we can do to take out those transporters? That seems to be how she's like converting people, right? We can try on our end, and we have been. We literally just discovered this just now, just last night.
Starting point is 00:29:22 So as much as we can to try to disarm them or at the very least, maybe we can do some kind of hack so that they'll be on high alerts so that they can check for other breaches and whatnot. But this is something that I think is going to come to ahead at some point. All right, yeah. I mean, yeah, I guess keep figuring out what you need
Starting point is 00:29:43 and if you need us to go to this mother ship submarine. Right, yes. I don't mean to bring this up in like an inconvenient time, but this is all taking place in the ocean on the other side of the Iron Deep Mountain. So to threat to that whole side of the world, giants, dwarves, everyone needs to be warned. Yeah, thanks for keeping us posted.
Starting point is 00:30:02 Okay, yeah, we will, I mean, is there anyone that we shouldn't warn? Like, I mean, should the bronze beard know about this? If the bronze... Obviously, I'm not talking about Jane, I'm talking about the rest of the bronze beards. The bronze beards of Mother Ship West are likely unbeknownst to them, mostly Alexandra at this point. Well, this is like an existential threat, so I feel like we should tell anyone and everyone
Starting point is 00:30:24 about it. Okay, maybe not because we don't want them to know that we know, but anyone we trust we should tell. Yeah, that's the thing, right? Because we don't want to say this in front of someone that is Alexandra, right? People whose bodies have already been unknowingly taken over by Alexander Wright, already effectively dead. She could kill them any moment. Right, but I mean, I guess I'm just trying to ask you, like, who should we avoid telling this to? Anyone who works for mothership.
Starting point is 00:30:57 Okay, thank you. Yeah. This is classic star trek philosophical body horror. Cool. When you teleport, your body is destroyed and replaced. It's bad news. Is there any test we can do to know if somebody is compromised? Yes, we can, I mean, we have equipment here that we're able to run to. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, no, okay, don't lick people, Saul.
Starting point is 00:31:18 He was saying the word, equipment. Yes, equipment. That's equipment. Equipment. Okay, but could you come up with like something that you put at a tip of your tongue? So if you lick people, then you'll find out if they are honest. What if I meet the thing is he's going to lick people regardless of what you do. Yeah, what is that we don't say? So we do need to follow this line.
Starting point is 00:31:38 They like draw that much. Right? Yeah, it's just like it's the most natural thing he can do. The licking thing is going to happen whether we like it or not It's gonna happen so let's try and I was gonna say maybe like some type of sunglasses or something let's work backward from assuming that we need to Lick some but I just feel like it's going to start a fight Everyone you speak to but I could do I had started making like a sort of glasses type situation But we can we'll do a tongue sock. Yeah, like a tongue sock.
Starting point is 00:32:08 Yeah, it's pretty smart. Like a tongue sock. A tongue sock. The thing is like, oh, I could be like, wow, got it. There was a fly on you, and I got it off with my tongue. It's very specific. I just feel like we might lose the sunglasses, but I can guarantee salt. It's gonna be like something everywhere we are.
Starting point is 00:32:22 The tongue sock. Great. Yes. Well, you know, I- are. The tongue sock. Great. Yes. Well, you know, I- You have a tongue ring. I used to make toilet paper before, so why would I make these cool goggles?
Starting point is 00:32:31 You see, yes. He looks like he's a little awesome. Actually, I want one. Steve Punk goggles. Wait, I want one. Now I want one. Now I want one. I'll send you guys along with the necklace.
Starting point is 00:32:42 I'll send you guys tongue condoms. I think you should order a AP test, is all I'm saying., it's yes. Okay. Well, I will be trying these on You see with this new boy cap he puts on steam punk goggles. Oh, absolutely That's really working for you. Hmm. You can see that is in fact not pretty You're looking good by the way. Have you you been working out exercising? I got a hat. I got a new hat. I don't know if you've noticed. Really, it's pulling its weight.
Starting point is 00:33:08 Thank you so much. Yes. Thought I'd try it on, become sort of a newscap guy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're even kind of, you're, you're balding a little bit under the hat broom. Oh, you sure you're not called to kill day?
Starting point is 00:33:21 Because you're very caustic and rude. Another thing about the divine heart. Oh, you're fading out to kill day because you're very caustic and rude. Another thing about the divine heart. Oh, you're fading out. Hard one starts. Yeah, okay. I'm getting the TV. Anyway, good luck, Frog, Pal, stay safe. And if you get called or back, just tell them a simple thank you note for all my help.
Starting point is 00:33:37 We'll suffice. Anytime I'll be. Give Grimm and Dark and Mark Oblon our best, too. We'll do. You see, goes to hug you, put it to hologram, writes, holograms. Aw, classic. Still feels good.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Yeah. Do you want me to stand in the hologram and like mirror, help me? You're gonna press the digitation like, oh, that's gonna work. That's what I'm gonna press, yes. Yeah, so all, yeah. Yes.
Starting point is 00:34:00 There. Oh yeah, there it is. Okay, that's good. The odorant that wears off a little too quickly Yeah, wait me You have to you have to tell your friend if they're the odorant doesn't work. My god, man I'm trying to redo myself over here Yeah, don't mean a week away We told you told all of us at the same time, but technically was telling you in the absence of calder
Starting point is 00:34:19 Everyone's getting a little caldery. I'll just say everyone's a snippy, everyone's a little making fun of the boy wizard over here. Let's not forget. It's not colder and it fits you with nothing. Ah! Ah! Hot water! We're sure this isn't colder. I was just saying.
Starting point is 00:34:34 All right, I feel like I'm going to be praying. I'm so sorry everyone's being so mean to you. I actually really do want a pair of sunglasses. All right, I'll send you sunglasses and then one tongue-con to one tongue-con. Thank you. Excellent, all right. Until next time. Thank you so much. All right, I'll send you sunglasses and then one tongue condom one tongue condom yeah, excellent. All right So until next time you see he takes way too long to
Starting point is 00:34:50 Take down the projection like you see he presses a button He's off and then just takes his shirt off and and starts eating like a huge meatball and starts eating like a huge meatball tub. I guess let's just eat his night on in the background. Yeah, just in his underwear eating a meatball sub and he goes to work and doesn't know it's on. I realized I forgot to tell him about the whole clone thing, but he looks so peaceful now. I don't want to interrupt him. Oh meatball. I guess I'll send him a text. See he goes, oh shit, no way.
Starting point is 00:35:44 Wow, what a privilege to see someone react to your text message. Oh shit. He's verbally responded, but didn't type anything. Look at that. I'm gonna ask him, are you eating okay over there? He gives you the thumbs up emoji, but he gives the heart emoji to the ure a clone thing. His hands are clearly full, that's all it is. It's good to see someone thriving without you, but also a little thing. His hands are clearly full. That's all it is.
Starting point is 00:36:05 It's good to see someone thriving without you, but also a little hard. He's really in his element. Oh, you're right. Yeah. Yeah, he's kicking us. Yeah, he got a new hat. And it's, yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:19 I'm going to take some a picture of Robert Downey Jr. and be like, I think you could pull this off. I've circled the goatee. Yeah. You see, he looks at it, and he nods. And then you see, he takes the hat off and accidentally drops his whole meatballs up in the hat. Oh, tragic.
Starting point is 00:36:34 Oh, what? No. Oh, see, God, if I was there, I could have quickly reacted to that. And then he just begins scooping the meatballs out of the hat. Oh, don't hit it. Like it's a bloody. Oh, great. I'll use the chop. He needs it. Oh, don't eat it. It's a bloody.
Starting point is 00:36:45 He's pulling the little strands out like a bread bowl. No, don't do it, sir. I've never met this guy before. I thought he was super smart. He's one of those people who's really smart at certain things and then just really let himself go another way. Right, it's interesting. OK.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Oh yeah, you see closes up the channel. Albin has the necklace for the night. And Winch kind of gathers up a bunch of evidence of this mothership stuff. In addition to stuff about the order of the runny eye and goes, I can, I guess go off and maybe send Mauser in and try to get this stuff to Morgan? Yeah, do you think that's wise?
Starting point is 00:37:26 I think it makes sense to let Morrigan know that their castles being overrun by cultists and service of gromish and altris. Yeah. It seems like something she'd want to deal with. I know. Computer lady. Oh, sorry. I forgot my name was computer lady.
Starting point is 00:37:44 First name computer, last name lady. Middle name, Janice. Look up. Followers of cord. And see if maybe Morrigan is a follower of cord. Searching, searching. Lord Commander Morrigan of the Crimson Knights from House Musebillair. Traditionally, followers of the Allfather, also known as
Starting point is 00:38:07 Cord. Okay, then let's maybe package this. Hot ones, you think you'll be okay to give her the information about what's happening on the astral plane of groups trying to take over Cord. Yeah. Because if we could package this together as like, hey, this is not only a threat to your castle, this is a threat to your gods.
Starting point is 00:38:26 Yeah, everyone down here has got their head turned in the wrong direction. Let's let Morgan know about the greater threat of cord and groom and she's got ultrace in her cord now. That's the problem she needs to deal with. Maybe you could put the symbol of cord on there. Do you know how to draw that? I am actually quite an artist, usually tastefully, erotic nudes,
Starting point is 00:38:51 but I think I can do. Because you do call it, but tastefully, erotically, nude? I... Yeah. He has such a hog that it's hard to make it tasteful, but I think I can... LAUGHTER
Starting point is 00:39:03 I think I can do it. I think Morgan would appreciate that. I think Morgan would appreciate it, but it's hard to make it tasteful, but I think I could do it. I think Morgan would appreciate that. I think it's so huge. We just watched him for three hours. Yeah, I go completely mute and we just watch this creation, people. Oh. So what I've decided to do here
Starting point is 00:39:20 is have him taking a knee and flexing a bicep, covering just too much know, too much of the penis, but not actually not enough. Not enough. Yeah. Not true to still. And it looks like he shifted it over the one leg and then put the arm over it. It's just, you still put in an unnecessary amount of penis.
Starting point is 00:39:39 I think I'm ready to change gods. Wow, I can't believe you drew it flaccid. I'm gonna make a pledge to the pillar. Hard one nods deeply. Yeah, you see, Winch gathers up all this evidence you guys have here and goes, I'll stay within a safe distance and send Bowser in. I'll let you guys know if he gets captured or anything strange happens. I mean, I'm going to give both you.
Starting point is 00:40:05 I have two more bardic inspirations. I'm going to give both you and Bowser. Bowser? Sorry, I don't know where that came from. That name came from. What is that? Is that in this maxim? What is this thing from?
Starting point is 00:40:18 I was just thinking of a tasteful rock new that I saw one time. I'm going to give both you and Mao's a botic inspiration by showing you an erotic nude of Bowser. It's an erotic inspiration. Erotic nude of food. Let me see if there's anything else I can do to help you. It might be risky but I could try and escort Mauser a bit of the way there. Yeah, well, I know you.
Starting point is 00:40:49 Yeah. Mauser's a tiny little probe. No reason to get yourself killed to protect this little robot. I'll just rebuild them if something bad happens. All right. Well, you can hear he says, I'm scared. It's different for me when I come back. It's a good rule.
Starting point is 00:41:06 Wow, that language really clicked in. Sorry, Malzer. Sweet, yeah, you see Winch takes Malzer and heads out of his lap. I will give Malzer guidance though. Great, with my tongue. Well, dude, I think he doesn't even have a sock on it yet. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:41:24 Yeah, that's everything I can do. But I do think it doesn't even have a sock on it yet. Okay. Okay. Yeah That's everything I can do. Yes, so you guys are free to do whatever else you guys want to do to prepare for tomorrow or prepare for the night You see as you guys are there for a little bit honey suckle does come in from outside How's the teleport? Yeah, did you have a good hungry day? Tell a poor girl. Remember, remember. Yeah, did you have a good hungry day? Remember, remember. Oh, a good hungry day, you have a good hungry day.
Starting point is 00:41:46 Come here, come here, forget me. I just completely dug up and really fucked up. Ah, the balcony. The balcony in the back. This is structurally on sound. Oh, mm-hmm. Oh, okay. Oh, you ate right through a supporting bud.
Starting point is 00:42:01 All right, I'm gonna make a bottle of rocks to feed him. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh yeah, you go in the back to see that honey suckle has fucked up the foundation of Winchester's home here, but you see that the arcane teleporter back here is starting to crackle with more power. It does seem like it's pretty close to being ready to go.
Starting point is 00:42:26 Oh. Up on your thing is getting close. Okay. I'm good. This is good news. I want you guys to know I'm here with you 100%. This is on my mind and as soon as it's fired up, I'm out of here, but I won't leave you until this job is done. I appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Yeah, well, promise you'll stick around for, you know, one more night in the tiny hut though, so we can send you off properly. All right. You don't have to do that though, because we're all nights, we're all professional, and we don't get attached. So if you wanna just go go you could go whatever you want
Starting point is 00:43:06 I put my armor on cat. She weeps She just hugs you because I'm gonna miss you mister shorefoot. I'm gonna miss you too Let's send you out on top. Let's win this duel. Yeah I don't know if you call it a duel when it's like three on one or whatever it's gonna be But let's win this fight. It's a fuel a foot forearm a fuel Let's get general broad speared out and called her out and then make it a little six odd wood Yeah, that sounds good. Okay. So well, right? Okay, well, I had this dream where I was gonna get the spell
Starting point is 00:43:46 dream and I was gonna give Ultras Nightmares, but instead I'm just gonna like wish a bad night's sleep on me. Got the wish spell? No, no, no, no. You just get General Bronzebeard out. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, I'm just gonna like in my mind picture, altress tossing and turning and just wish the sweatiest night of sitting for him.
Starting point is 00:44:11 Like you had a little too much meat. Yeah, I hope, just that's the point. I'm realizing I also had a little too much meat and I'm feeling very sweaty. So, so. A lot of wine, it's a lot of wine. Yeah, you guys go to bed for the night and Cali as you are trancing and as you focus in on your anger against Ultras,
Starting point is 00:44:31 you feel your hand where you had held up the necklace before begins to, it's that feeling of like, when you touch something way too cold, and it's almost like a burning sensation, and you feel like an ice burn, like a freezing on your hand, where that cursed item was.
Starting point is 00:44:54 And you feel as if he's sending a little message back to you. You try and scam me with ice because, bitch, I'm a fucking winter eladron now. I fucking live in the ice and I play in the ice. You take on some of your mother's stoic nature and you feel the burn go away and your hand just becomes chilly. Fuck yeah, you can't fucking shake me. Yeah, dude, if you send a message,
Starting point is 00:45:20 that means he was awake, which means you disrupted his sleep. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, of Step A. He sure runs on gas. Yeah, my face is right up next to the exhaust. Yeah, you can hear me all be heard tomorrow. I'll be there tomorrow. You're speaking into the exhaust pipe. It's almost like quicksand, like he's completely ruined the foundation. So you start to sink down into the dirt and sleep.
Starting point is 00:46:02 I'm coming. It's best in the kid. I'm coming, it's passing like that. The next morning, you guys are awoken by the sound of a ding coming from Winches Magitech Hatch. And inside you see the necklace has been sent back to you from Albin. And you also see four pairs of these like goggles that will allow you to see basically be able to identify
Starting point is 00:46:28 or scan if somebody has Alexanderite cells in them. There's also the tongue condom and Albin leaves a note that says, I did make a pair of goggles for you Saul, just in case you wanted to use those instead of the tongue con. Tosses them in the waste packet.
Starting point is 00:46:48 Wow, tongue condom. I have an unseen servant pick up the tongue condom because I don't want to touch it and bring it to Saul. Well, not even in a wrapping paper or anything, just loose. I'm gonna get a little wet. Okay, yeah, I saw pockets both. Great, and yeah, Winch comes back, had gotten a few hours of sleep,
Starting point is 00:47:10 was gone for a couple hours last night, but conveys to you how his night went and goes, so I was able to send Mauser in, and I was able to find Morgan, with just a few of her people, and she took the device from me, the Tassier, and from what I could tell, which was nothing, because she wears a bucket helmet I can't see her face,
Starting point is 00:47:33 she gestured in a way that seemed interested. She didn't crush Mauser, which was nice. She cocked her head. She cocked her head. She for sure cocked her head a little bit. And she didn't buy anyone. No. She has a history of that. Yeah, I've heard that. Yeah, she Neeming break. Have you healed from the bike alley?
Starting point is 00:47:53 Because it's a miracle emotionally emotionally. No scars almost completely gone. Yeah, that's crazy. It's a good sign. Yeah, okay, so Yeah, that's crazy. It's a good sign. Yeah, okay, so... I guess that's just... What else is to be done? Let's all just use some yoga, okay? To like get one mind, one body.
Starting point is 00:48:13 Okay. Face down, ass up, everybody. And face down, ass up, we're doing yoga. Okay. I mostly just wig my warhead around unwarmed up, so this is new for me. Kenna, you of all people should know, the importance of warming up. Can I, you remind me of one of the bravest warriors I ever fought alongside, down or the brave?
Starting point is 00:48:33 Is that right? I never saw him stretch a day in his life. Did he have any aches or pains when he got older? The tightest hip flexors you've ever seen. But the biggest heart. the tightest hit flexors you've ever seen. But the biggest heart. Yeah, you see, she begins doing yoga with you guys. And eventually, you guys and Winch head to the arena, as you guys get close, you guys begin to get like a costed
Starting point is 00:48:56 by the crowd here. Like, there's a bunch of people that are, you know, both supporting you and against you. And some people that are just like, rowdy and excited for the fight. Just people getting your face in scream. Yeah! I think that's awesome!
Starting point is 00:49:11 I have a desire to be like, almost like a pro wrestler and get everyone angry, but I think I go fully stoic. Like my face looks completely neutral. Like I'm going to a fight, but then I have written, I tamed the beast of iron deep on my back Oh hell yeah, yeah you you walk past me
Starting point is 00:49:32 Why it a bunch of quiet oh shit oh shit? So I'll act like a bit of a wild man and looks everyone Yeah It's wouldn't work in a lot of context, but it's fine right here. I knew what I wanted. Who the fuck is this guy? He's nuts. Yeah, you guys are, as you guys get close,
Starting point is 00:49:53 you do see that a bunch of guardsmen from the, you see a bunch of Crimson Knights, these like red knights, Morgan's people, cut through the crowd and grab you guys and usher you into the Colosseum, back into your dressing room beneath the Colosseum. And you see that they kind of brush past a couple of the Kings guards and stuff like that who maybe they look like they don't trust as much, but they don't seem to be particularly
Starting point is 00:50:21 warmed to you either. But they're just making sure that nobody hassles you or tries anything funny. They take you directly to where you can be seen in public and then bring you to your locker room and stand on the outside. How often does something like this go down? I ask one of them.
Starting point is 00:50:40 You here talking through the voice modulator of their crazy great helm. How often do small folk come here and challenge the king to a trial by steel? I guess trial by steel in general, but... Trial by steels happen quite often, but for this to happen to the king, never. Maybe another giant royal challenging the king for a claim to the throne when they both have a claim. That may happen. I'm surprised there wasn't a trial of steel by Morrigan when Ektot took the throne. Go ahead and give me insight, Jacks. That 20. Oh! Even with the Helmon, just this night's body language,
Starting point is 00:51:28 you get the sense that they agree with you wholeheartedly, but need to stay stoic and do their job. Cool, just I'm just planting seeds for if we die, then maybe Morgan has enough info and the support to do that. What's the deal with the voice modulators, if I can ask? Is that just like, so you all sound like one unit, or are you like insecure?
Starting point is 00:51:52 Grabbs you by the throat, throws you up against the wall and punches you in the face for 25 damage. I love it, we're just asking questions. Just don't lick them, don't lick them. You just, the question was good, you just ended it the wrong way. Just asking questions. Just don't lick them. Don't lick them. He's just a... The question was good. You just ended it the wrong way. You see, slam, saw onto the ground, slams the door close and leaves. Oh, fuck.
Starting point is 00:52:15 What the hell was that, Saul? Mr. Bufo. I was just curious. If he's insecure? It was so. It was not the greatest moment to make an accusation of insecurity. I would say it lacked tact. I thought maybe like you know Morgan's people were like a little more sensitive, a little more in touch with their feelings. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:37 If they were sensitive they would be upset at you pulling them into the... Yeah, yeah. It really wasn't a good outcome for us. Yeah. I think you got what you wanted, right? Yeah. OK, any battle plan going in? I'm like kind of hoping if shit goes bad,
Starting point is 00:52:58 that we can kind of be like, oh, more again, save us, but you know, whatever. I'm thinking I bless us. Any other spells that people are like, oh, we should try and do that going in? Well, I'm gonna take a potion right now. No. Ha, ha, ha.
Starting point is 00:53:13 Yeah, what is our potion inventory look like? You guys have another grenade? I've got, I've got six. I've got two. I have zero now. Mr. Buffa, do you want an extra, do you want a potion? I, yeah, I don't know if I deserve an extra, but I'll take one. You need it.
Starting point is 00:53:27 You guys do have time. You don't necessarily have to use a potion, Saul. If you want to keep your potion, and I'll keep Kenna at six, you guys have time for a short rest. This was advertised as the main event of tonight, and so there are other fights going on. You guys see projections of other fights throughout the day as you're kind of locked away here. Okay, yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and cast that guidance on Callie. Okay, she needs
Starting point is 00:53:49 to do any checks. Oh, thank you. Yeah, she took the last little bit of yoga. I show you some really advanced poses. Wow, I am being cracks in pots of my back. I've not had access to my entire life. Yeah, be careful though, because our bones are different. Yeah. You begin to take on a distantly frog-like shape. Oh, like a frog. Foster. Yeah. Howdy, net pulls.
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Starting point is 00:55:11 wide. That's code Birthday at buyraycon.com slash Papa, the score 2240% off. Buyraycon.com slash Papa. Okay, thanks for listening. Enjoy the show. Hey there, NAD polls. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. Do you know how much your subscriptions really cost? Well, most Americans think they spend around $80 a month
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Starting point is 00:56:29 Over 3 million people have used rocket money saving the average person up to $720 a year. So stop throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocket money dot com slash pop off that is rocket money dot com slash pop off one more time why not rocket money dot com slash pop off. Yeah, you guys see projections of other fights throughout the day, but you do notice that as there are like projections throughout the arena and everything. You do see that the king is conspicuously absent from the royal box, but occasionally you do see that balcony in frame, and you see that there are a bunch of these Goliath cultists like about like five or six, and every once in a while you do see Lazar, the sort of main arc mage of the cultists here, but you see that Mordigan is up there with them. Okay. And then besides that, mostly the King's forces.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Okay. That's good. That's good. That's good. Brigham. As eyes on some cultus. Yeah. Do we have any indication of whether or not the King is going to fight himself? I think that we're going to be fighting Ultras, but maybe he'll be possessing the King. Yeah, it seems like he can do that as well. Yeah. It's kind of like a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful.
Starting point is 00:57:46 I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful.
Starting point is 00:58:02 I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. I'm trying to be a little bit more careful. other's body and then beat the shit out of Glenn. Just like kicked him twice. Right, okay, so he kicks everyone. Right, yeah. Be careful. He's a kicker, I see. Yeah, I mean, I've got my, I've still got my serpent. So, licorice is still here.
Starting point is 00:58:15 What do you want to do with, um, do you want to bring honey suckle along this time? So, if the astral teleporter is in a good place, let's bring honey suckle. Great. Would anyone like to ride a huge beastly little serpent named honey suckle? I don't care if anybody does it,
Starting point is 00:58:36 but I'm down to do it if everybody else says no. Honey suckle, get between hard ones legs. Oh my God. Yeah. Absolutely fucks up the locker room by burrowing underneath and then popping back up and getting under hard one. Oh my god, you're wild and cute. We're gonna be so bad at us, even better than they are,
Starting point is 00:58:56 Mr. Bufo. It is a question. It was, I was trying to start a dialogue. I was gonna respond and say that I feel insecure sometimes about my voice. You should have led with that. Okay, for next time I'll know. Sweet, so eventually you guys are called forward
Starting point is 00:59:16 to be brought out into the arena. All right. Guys, before we go out, I feel like an honor of Calder and everything we're trying to do here. We should rock the duck team colors again No more jolly jousters. Let's go back to the original look. Okay, duck team. Let's say original look Track jackets. Oh my god Yeah, it's crazy, but I got really into the look so we have actually like quite a few extra suits Yeah, we've've had to go through them. Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:59:45 I could absolutely fuck with that. Do I get one of them though? I'm just a squire. Because you're not required to give the tracks who do the squire, but- You require to wear a track suit. You are required. God.
Starting point is 00:59:56 Can honey suckle have one? Honey suckle wants a track suit. Oh my god. Oh my god. Don't have to do honey suckle. Oh my god. You're like, here you go, honey suckle. Oh my god. He hates it. Yeah. It's just like a nice juicy rock. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no feel like Kelly would have it, right? Kelly, I've seen the way that your dagger glows.
Starting point is 01:00:26 I think that like, you've got the strongest connection. Okay. You've got that ice-cold touch. Should I put it on or should I just keep it in my pocket? Think pocket that thing. Yeah, not yet. Save it for the right moment. I pocket the pendant.
Starting point is 01:00:39 Great. And I whisper, Calder, I'm coming. Kelly. What? I didn't even catch the text cards, Calder, I'm coming. Calder. What? I can hear the cows. I can hear the cows. I thought it's Calder. Calder.
Starting point is 01:00:49 I will say that you both sent each other's presence. Now that the device is uncurst and you get the sense that Ultras is nearby because Calder is coming in a little bit. And Calder, you do feel like you are in there with Jaina, but you see that the world around you is becoming kind of unsteady, like cracks in the ice and whatnot. Jaina, it's the time might be now, it might be coming.
Starting point is 01:01:17 You see, she loads up her King's hammer. And with that, we're gonna cut over to Duck Team. Now in their track jackets. You guys are brought out of the tunnel and are hit with a huge reaction. Before you were kind of just being jeered because you were, you know, small folk competing in the Hedge Knight tournament, you guys get a big reaction. Some cheers because you're the underdogs and people were impressed by how you performed yesterday. But there's a lot of people that are throughting mad at you for being against the king.
Starting point is 01:01:52 So, you know, sort of back and forth. You do see your friend, Darest, in short, him is in the front row screaming. Yes, they can't hold us down. They can't poison us or kill us no matter how hard they try. What champions in our hearts? I circumambulate the arena like no fucking reaction on my face, cold as ice, but flaunting my eye-free the serpent of iron deep everywhere and pointing to honey-suckle. You see a bunch of people super confused looking around each other.
Starting point is 01:02:24 I don't what the fuck is she talking about? The stupid of, she talking about the beast, it couldn't be that thing, that thing's tiny. I don't catch their confusion. I'm way too into ice-cold casual point. Waves, waves of cheering and booing, but then Gally leaves just a sea of confusion in her way. As everyone just goes, well, that thing couldn't have been the beast that was about looking at her shutting up her haters. She's definitely confused the haters. They're confused with this silence. Absolutely confused.
Starting point is 01:02:55 That ice cold is thawing with the excitement of performing and I start to skip a little bit. And I have to, myself, no, wait until, wait until, wait until. You guys are ushered to one side of the fighting pit and you notice a bit more of a serious bit. And I have to write up no, winter, winter, winter. You guys are ushered to one side of the fighting pit, and you notice a bit more of a serious tone to this match. There are no gimmicks, no colorful mc playing to the crowd. The arbiter of this match is a serious night in black plate, wearing a grim mask that hides any expression. You see, he is joined by other cloaked figures in similar masks and he addresses the crowd. The small folk have called into question the results of King Ektar's duel with Jaina Bronzebeard of Iron Deep. We've formed a cheerleading
Starting point is 01:03:38 pyramid. Oh yeah. And I'd like you guys to toss me into the air. On the way down, I'm gonna bless us all. You bless everyone, you see the judges look over at you. They have expressionless masks on, but you could tell by their body language that they're upset. Two, four, six, eight. Who do we appreciate? Cal, Cal, Cal. Honor, honor. These small folk have called into question. Who do we appreciate? Cal Cal Cal Honor Honor
Starting point is 01:04:05 These these small folk have called into question The results of King Ektar's duel with Jaina bronze beard of Iron Deep the truth will be decided by a trial of steel If these small folk win then the results will be nullified and Jaina bronze beard will be freed and to this Are you do hear a chorus of booze. If King Ektar wins, the results of the original duel will be confirmed. And you see a trumpeter steps forward and now make way for the King. Amidst a bunch of musical fanfare, the King arrives, but not on the battlefield. You see, he is carried out, putting his weight on two guards who bring him out onto the balcony. He's looking sickly,
Starting point is 01:04:51 and he addresses everyone and goes, I'm sorry to disappoint you, my subjects. But there was an attempt on my life last night that has left me unable to participate. Myself, along with the honorable Sir Darest and Jordan were poisoned. I will recover because of my giant's constitution, but alas, it would not be fair to you for you to see me fight at half strength. And so I have brought with me a champion. He's reading off a cue card. It would be awesome to have zone of truth right now.
Starting point is 01:05:27 You see some people do have zone of truth up and they're just like, what the fuck? Fighting on behalf of truth, justice, and the pride of giants. I select Ultras of the frigid north, and once again again confusion, a legendary figure amongst giants, but most people think of him as being long dead. But then you hear a big cheer as suddenly the air grows cold. Little flakes of snow begin falling down from the sky, at first melting away until like little embers, but then getting thicker and thicker until the cold overpowers the heat and it truly looks like hell as frozen over here. Still the same on the outside, but here in the pit, the sand and ash beneath you begins to crystallize and turn to snow. As Ultras appears in the middle
Starting point is 01:06:18 of the battlefield in a huge gust of winter wind that almost blows you over. Murph, I'd like to use one of my battle master abilities here. Yeah, what? Know your enemy. OK. Ooh. And if I spend a minute observing or interacting with another creature outside of combat, I can learn information about their capabilities
Starting point is 01:06:39 compared to my own. Strength score, deck score, constitution score, armor class, current HP, total class levels if any, and fighter class levels, if any. Say, woo-hoo! Okay, I'll say. I'll just watch Ultras like a hawk as snow is falling in front of my eyes.
Starting point is 01:06:57 And we're doing cheer moves. Yeah, yes, and I'm flexing my course so tight, so Galle can be an pyramid on my back. It's all on the bottom, of course. You see, Ultras appears this massive blue-skinned frost giant with a white beard, long, stringy white hair and an enormous axe at his side, radiating black smoke. As soon as he arrives, he plants his feet and lets out an otherworldly scream plants his feet and lets out another worldly scream that sends him into a rage and causes two additional heads to burst out of his throbbing neck.
Starting point is 01:07:31 You see like visible veins under all of his body from all of this arcane power and you recognize the two faces as Jaina Bronzebeard and Caltor Kilday. As Jaina appears, you see his patchwork armor begins to harden and turn to solid plate around his body. You see his axe turns into a giant warhammer before he shifts back into himself and turns back into an axe. As Calder appears, you see frosty magical energy radiate through his, and he looks at you guys, and he laughs. A sweet reunion. The destruction of the small folk begins now!
Starting point is 01:08:16 Everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Oh yes. Oh yes. Oh come on. God, we're waiting for you. Shout out to the two crew. Yes. But that yes! Oh, come on. God, when we shout out to the two crew. Yes. But that is a six. Shout out to them, fine, nine, but it becomes a 16. Shout out to all the angels in heaven, because I got a 27. Woo!
Starting point is 01:08:39 Oh, nice. Bless you. Also, yeah, call their go ahead and roll initiative. Oh, ooh. 11. Okay, here's the good news. Big slow giant, Sal and Kallie, you actually beat him. Yes, all right. Okay, so to clarify, hard one, know your enemy.
Starting point is 01:08:57 The DM tells you if the creature is your equal superior inferior in regard to two of the following characteristics of your choice. So any of their scores, armor class, current hit points, and different class levels and everything like that. Yeah, I mean, I guess like the maybe maybe his lowest stat and a vulnerability. Yeah, resistances or vulnerability or something. Okay. Right off the bat, he is immune to cold. or vulnerability or something. Right off the bat, he is immune to cold. He does not have any vulnerabilities.
Starting point is 01:09:28 His weakest stat is dexterity. Okay. And I'll give you a little tidbit that shows how much he is able to draw from the other people. His spellcasting ability is the same as callers. So that stat might go down if caller wasn't in there. He's taking their power So he's taking their power or at least duplicating it Jane and right and call there seem like they're still pretty strong inside the helm So should we focus fire on one of the heads? Yeah, does it seem like the heads have like no
Starting point is 01:09:58 It doesn't seem like you can focus fire on the heads It's then if you want to go inside and help those guys or those guys get themselves out I see so Cali You can excuse yourself and go help inside that yeah, yeah at the top of the round It's all you are first to act you have this giant Ultras right in front of you There is snow all along the battlefield as his mere presence here has completely changed the climate. Okay, Saul zips up his track jacket because he's feeling a little chill. Can I do like a perception check on the new heads
Starting point is 01:10:35 to see if they have any sort of agency or if they seem to be like fully just kind of zombieed out? Sure, yeah, go ahead and do a perception check. 17? They are definitely zombieed out. And you don't see like any color from their faces or anything It's just like stretching through his blue skin these like horrified faces and Kenna is screaming so bad You let general broad beard out of your freaking skin We just got to pop these pimples Ken Kenna, that's the only way.
Starting point is 01:11:05 No one is popping my pimples. You've got some really bad zits, man. You got to get that under control. Oh, I love it. You could make you go viral on TikTok. Really? Yeah. Do you want to go viral?
Starting point is 01:11:17 You think this whole life. Yeah, look, there's need to be the lands. Okay, that is your turn, Sol. You don't know how tough they are until you get in there and find out, so I'm just going to kind of like serpentine forward following licorice and honey suckles steps. And I'm just gonna do what I do best.
Starting point is 01:11:34 I'm just gonna punch him right in the calf. Sweet, yes, Saul, you are so fast that you stay on legalistiles, stay atop the snow without even sinking in, dash across the battlefield and get a kick in before he can Swing his giant smoking axe 19 and a 26 on the 19 his face takes on a decidedly Calder like face Looks at you Saul and goes
Starting point is 01:12:01 It's your fault that I'm in here. And you see a frosty shield pops up and five to his AC. His shield works a little bit different than, called a proper, you see the ice shatters. Go ahead and give me a dick's sterity saving throw as shards of ice fling at you. 18, that passes. You just take six damage, which is halved already.
Starting point is 01:12:26 Right, but then it's zero because I'm a monk. Zero because you're a monk. You dive out of the way and manage to kick the other leg, go ahead and do your damage with the other attack. In his shield is different, it does damage, so it does not stay up for the whole round. He's used his reaction, it is gone. I kind of dodge out of the way of all the ice,
Starting point is 01:12:43 kind of like jigsawing my body to avoid the pieces. I land in a three-point stance and say, and it's gonna be my fault that he gets out too. The good kind of fault. Generally that's not called fault. All right, then I'm going to do two more floorier blow attacks. Sweet.
Starting point is 01:13:00 Yeah, get back of his leg. You kick him once, shutters a little bit, grimaces, and you go for two more hits 23 hits and then the next one is a 30 Yeah, okay He leans down to kind of smirk at you and you get up and you kick him in the teeth As soon as you give me something above the waist I'm gonna take So go for the skin of the kick. Oh got it
Starting point is 01:13:25 My fucking gums My gums My fucking gums man Yeah your gums are like really high Yeah, have you been brushing too hard? I have That's gum recession bud I use a hard bristle You need a graft, you need a pimple pop and a gum graft
Starting point is 01:13:40 Yeah we'll see, you're a mess I will get the veneers out of your bones So you do agree you need new teeth. Yeah No, yeah Every giant that's as weakness is this is my smile So that's why you don't smile that's 27 27 damage. Yeah, get up hit him twice in the lower body punch him one once in the mouth Turned smiles. you see blood dripping down, but strange like this dude made a deal with with a deity with like a fucking demon So you see like weird oozy acidy blood dripping from his mouth
Starting point is 01:14:20 After Sol's turn He's going to go ahead and use two legendary actions to cast a spell. He is going to, you see, his axe turns into a giant warhammer. Hard one, you and Kenna clock this as being the King's Hammer, and you see Kenna is just head down, starts running towards him. Kenna, no. And you see, he takes on the face of Jane Abramsbeard, and he calls the dwarf daddies, the spirit guardians. Oh. And you see cropped, warped versions of your dwarf daddy's
Starting point is 01:14:58 hard one going around. Hey, hey guys, it's me. St. Fernos, a little hot for even even you the hot ah The hot dog is too fucking hot Do you know these guys aren't one yeah, they could use a cold plunge you really want to be going back and forth this thing Need a wisdom saving throw from you these old men are screaming at me what's going on? Did you lick them?
Starting point is 01:15:25 Should I? It's going to be, uh, uh, I'll fuck you, wisdom save is going to be a 24. Okay, so just half, so you take six damage. Okay, after the legendary action, Kelly, that is your turn. I'm going to tell Likrish, Likrish, go keep Kennesay. You see, Likrish starts over, swims through the snow, gets over to Kenna, plops her up. You see, she kind of shakes out of it, thinks better of it, and stops charging.
Starting point is 01:15:52 Right, we fight unabotionally, unabotionally, but with passion also, it's a little bit contradictory, confusing, it's confusing sometimes. It's not passion is purpose. There we go, detached passion. Yeah, and then I'm going to turn my purpose on Ultras, These are dives. It's not passionate purpose. There we go. Detached passion. Yeah. And then I'm going to turn my purpose on Ultras. And I'm going to take out both my swords, the luck blade,
Starting point is 01:16:13 the frost blade, and I'm going to try and attack them three times. OK, great. As you get close, go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw. OK, come on, come on. That's a net one. OK, take 12 damage from the spear guardians. Then I'm gonna try and attack him three times.
Starting point is 01:16:28 Okay. Shout out to the two crew. Yeah, you get within these warped ghosts that are all around Ultras, and you see they swing down and they temporarily possess you. And as you swing, you just swing a little bit wide and he gets out of the way.
Starting point is 01:16:43 22 for the second luck blade attack. That hits. 21 for the short, short. Ah, hits. We're going all out. Yeah, you see, takes his axe, is able to parry one of your hits, but then you're too fast. You slash into his hands where he's gripping it.
Starting point is 01:16:59 As once again, this like demon blood begins sizzling out from under his skin. And then I am doing two fourth level smi. Shhh, it's a starfire gathers. You see both licorice and honeysuckle, aim themselves towards you, starfire gathers around your sword as you stab into his hand.
Starting point is 01:17:18 Actually, I'm gonna do one third level, one fourth level. 50 damage. Shhh, oh my god. Nice. Yeah. Give us back our point. Huge explosion on his hands, 50 damage. Woohoo! God, nice. Nice, yeah. Give us back our points! Huge explosion on his hands, but you see it begins to regenerate quickly. I do, I've ended my turn, I do want to piece out of the spirit card.
Starting point is 01:17:33 Great, okay, does not have a reaction because he used the shield. End of your turn, he is going to take a legendary action and swing his axe down on Saul, just the butt of his axe, attempts to hit you. But also disadvantage, does unfortunately still hit with a 25 to hit. Yeah. And does 27 damage to Saul. Wow, okay.
Starting point is 01:17:55 As instantly breaks your nose, like just blood immediately comes out of your face as he smooches it. Oh no, I look like Kermit when you push his nose. Yes, exactly. After that, that is actually Ultras' turn proper. Wow, he hasn't even gone yet. Ultras' just gonna take two great acts, attacks, down on Saul.
Starting point is 01:18:18 You see, as he's swinging, sometimes it turns into the great sword of Calder, sometimes it turns into the King's Hammer of Jaina. I'm just flickering with all these different powers as his muscles bulge with this strange demonic energy. Nat1, 14 to hit. Great. Nice. Second attack on the low end is a 23 to hit. 23 does hit.
Starting point is 01:18:40 So 28 more damage, Saul. Wow. Slams you again, just pounds you down into the snow. You know what? Okay, I'm gonna rebuke the violent. Okay. Give me a wisdom save. He fails that?
Starting point is 01:18:52 Okay, he takes 28 damage. As he pounds into Saul, you see a starfire reacts and explodes out from Saul. Yeah. Saul spits out some blood and says, looks like our boy callers made you a lot stronger He's made me a don't give him too much credit. They made me a little bit. I see why you were so desperate to eat him No, well first off. I did not eat him
Starting point is 01:19:20 He made me a little bit stronger. This is significant mostly Honestly, I didn't see you until you ate whatever in hand to me whatever in hand to my to see through unnatural means does not mean I haven't put in a lot of work I put in a lot of my own work it's fine to be a parasite that needs to eat a big man and don't eat people listen then they want seven eight nine one you're under your skin yeah you get you can't really eat it. Yeah, it's not only that it works. Eating doesn't make people live in your skin, does it? No. It's so clear that you're doping. You've got so much acne, you're just like way more powerful
Starting point is 01:19:53 than you should be. Well, you know, you don't know me. You don't know me. You don't know shit. Fuck you. I actually do know you. I like the journal. The what?
Starting point is 01:20:04 The journal. The journal? Yeah, I don't Very toxic. I do not journal. I read it. I don't know I have no feelings. It's a pretty angry and inside of me if there was a moment of him being nervous Okay, 18 18 you know for a fact he didn't have a journal, but he looked nervous that he did have a journal. He's like God, the one I saw soft when I was five years old that I would have a journal. Even if I did, they couldn't have found it. There's no way. Just like wrote down what he wanted for a holiday one time. I shot so self-conscious about it. I Get only for blood and battle I shout to win. I the journal
Starting point is 01:20:58 Stop he shoots his look over at winch waver across the battlefield and winch looks so nervous Sure, but beat me up one time guys. I can't handle this We're gonna put it in the museum. Everyone's gonna read it. After Ultras' turn, oh, actually, he needs to roll to see if, because he took a massive amount of damage from you guys. Oh, yeah. Shit, really good constitution, but really bad roll.
Starting point is 01:21:18 He used to decide if he would wanna burn two legendary resistances to keep up the spirit guardians. Whoa. And I'm gonna say he would have tried it once. So he does burn a legendary resistance to try to keep the spirit guardians on the second attack from Cali. Fails it again and decides to let it down. So, burn through one legendary resistance and got rid of the spirit guardians,
Starting point is 01:21:43 ancestors of these giant conquerors and stuff disappear. And you see the dwarf daddies, these dwarven spirits, their eyes go from hollowed out, tortured ghosts to clear again, they look at you hard one and go. The general needs us. Let's go get her. And you see the spirits go back in. We are going to cut down the initiative order to hard one shorefoot. OK, hard one unzips his track jacket to feel the cold air on his chest.
Starting point is 01:22:17 And he says to old tricks. Your magazine fell out, hard one. Shit. So. He picks up a maximum and says, I studied you. I know your weaknesses. I know your weak hit the skin and at the teeth. He charges.
Starting point is 01:22:32 You see, Ultras looks self-conscious for a moment as you get here. And guess how he studied you, the general. I read your writing. What's again, I have so Jewish. I have literally never written anything of my whole freaking life. And the one who said they've seen me of the pencil is lying.
Starting point is 01:22:50 Not only do I think the sword is my ear than the pen, I've never even seen the pen. I'm also going to use a bonus action to fainting attacks, so I'm going to start strafing as I get close to him to get a manage on one of my, a swinging down into the snow at you as you roll around. 24 and a 27 to hit. Both hit.
Starting point is 01:23:08 And that's gonna be 34 damage. Sick. Woohoo. And then I will, I'm gonna action surge. Okay, yeah, you get up in there, as you jump in, you see flashes of not only Jaina and this dude called her, you also see like this dude is getting his power from this war god, Grumsch. So you do see moments where you're having flashbacks to when you attempted
Starting point is 01:23:35 to fight this avatar of Grumsch on the astral plane. You're seeing like the physicality is similar. The aura is similar. You fool. You think you're so powerful, but your strength is borrowed. I don't think you even know who you're borrowing it from. I though they're general vibes. Yeah. God, up close, you absolutely have halitosis. There's an underlying gum issue that you need to address. That's a 28 and a 24 again.
Starting point is 01:24:09 Sick. So another 29 damage. Nice. Yeah, you get up, you like stab into one leg, make him buckle a little bit, one knee drops down, you jump on that one, stab in the midsection, makes his body collapse forward a little bit, and you get two jabs in like,
Starting point is 01:24:25 you're, this dude is so magically enhanced and powerful, that you literally get up and like slash him in the neck with your ax over and over again. Something that would be head a normal giant or a normal person tears into him and he does like grunt and have pain, but you feel that almost like rejects the ax and begins to like push it out. I've been here before. Hard one, is there anything else you would like to do with your turn? Saul has taken a fuck ton of damage, so I'm gonna direct some of Honey Suckle's seniors over that way, and Saul wants to hop on and get out of there.
Starting point is 01:25:03 Yeah, I love a ride. You fly in on Honey Suckle, you attack. Honey Suckle scoops all and takes you away like 30 feet from a Moltres. Yeah, sweet. Hold on, sweet. At the end of your turn, hard one without all there, hard one you are once again left alone against an avatar very similar to Gromch. You see these rippling
Starting point is 01:25:26 muscles with all this unnatural power behind them, just stretching his skin. And as he locks in with you, you see another head beginning to form. Oh no, don't that of old Cobb. You see the face of Cobb screaming from within like his chest. Hard one lets his ex hit his side for a second. Completely deflated. And yeah, you just see screaming at you through the skin. And Ultras looks concerned down at that.
Starting point is 01:26:03 That seems to be like almost like a divine taunt from Grumpsch. That Ultras is concerned down at that. That seems to be like almost like a divine taunt from Grumps that Ultras is not controlling. Like looks at it fucking freaked out. I told you your power isn't yours. In a fury screams and takes a legendary action to swing at you. And that is a 21 to hit you hard one.
Starting point is 01:26:20 That does hit. Okay, 32 damage. Slashes you across the chest with this mighty axe. After the legendary action, that is Kenna's turn. You see, Kenna is a top liquorish. Okay, Kenna is time to be the fly-in squire that everyone requires. Kenna to get too bad about General Bronzebeard. Big in his skin. Kenna let him get under your your skitties already got other people under his skin. She's going to fly over. She's hard one going toe-to-toe with Ultras.
Starting point is 01:26:55 So is going to throw him a squire inspiration. You get an additional D4 on top of your bless. Awesome. For attack rolls and saving throws. And then she's going to go over. That's throws, and then she's going to go over, that's a bonus action, she's gonna go over and feed a potion to Saul. So you see, Likrish pulls up next to Honey Suckel,
Starting point is 01:27:12 she jumps onto the back of Honey Suckel, pulls out a potion from her pack, pops it, and gives it to you for 20 HP. Oh, thank you so much, Kenna. You're doing a great job. You're really focusing up. Focusing up, focusing up, not furious. I'm not furious, I'm not bad, are you? I'm not furious.
Starting point is 01:27:26 I mean, I am. I'm a little mad. I'm mad at the trick. I'm mad at the trick. I'm mad at the trick. I'm mad at the trick. Yeah, we're keeping it cool. We're keeping it cool. Right. We're not passionate. We're purposeful.
Starting point is 01:27:34 Yeah, it's basically. Ah, it's just, it's just, it turns. Hold your passion into popping. That's true. I know. I know. At the end of Kenneth's turn, you see Ultras looks down at the terrified maw of Old Cobb inside his chest, and then looks at you hard one and goes,
Starting point is 01:27:53 oh, I see what's happening here. An old friend of yours. Let's see if we can't add more to the collection. You see, he holds his hand out. His face briefly takes call der's face, and he shoots a freezing ray at Kenna from across the battlefield. Why is it? Targeting a squire, really brave.
Starting point is 01:28:15 And somehow only gets a 13 total. So, see, the ice ray just like kind of hits her ear as she rolls out of the way. Ow, you kind of hit my ear a little bit. Oh, is it numb? Do you want to... Did he get pissed? I think it might have got pierced.
Starting point is 01:28:30 There's a little ice like there. I might keep it in. I like it. I like it. Ice-earing, that's awesome. Can you get the other side, please? No, I cannot get the other side. Just one side is way more jane-a.
Starting point is 01:28:42 I turn to the crowd. Do you want to see this little girl on the end getting confused? What? Did you just get confused? Um, I don't know. I turn her. Herosent screaming. Yes.
Starting point is 01:28:55 Yes. My eye tamed the beast of ironies. So confused. From screaming and tearing everything to just a wash of confusion. After that second legendary action, that is the end of the round. And as that happens, go ahead and give me perception checks. Okay. Like me, shout out to the two crew, becomes at six.
Starting point is 01:29:22 Eight. At 21. Yeah, I'll say that. I saw your kind of, for a brief moment, out of the two crew, becomes at six. Eight. At 21. Yeah, I'll say that. So you're kind of, for a brief moment, out of the fight for a second. You've been carried off by Honey Suckle. You've been fed a potion. And you find yourself on the side of the Colosseum,
Starting point is 01:29:36 closest to the King's box. Like this balcony where him and all his guests are watching from. You see up on the balcony, the Goliaths clutch their pendants and disappear. Whoa, how many do they see go? You see five disappear, but when another one goes to leave, you see Morgan grabs the last one and holds him up
Starting point is 01:30:01 and looks like she's asking him like, like where did they go? What, what, what are they doing? Um, so she looks like she has gotten involved, but those guys disappear. Well done, lady, chomper. Um, and with that, we are going to cut inside of the helm. So you guys in the arena see that the cultists in the King's Royal Box have disappeared. And Calder, you now see them on the frozen plane of Ultras' prison. This entire tundra shakes and cracks as Ultras has gone into battle. The cultists are the only thing maintaining these barriers. You and Jaina were almost able to get out when Ultras was at full strength
Starting point is 01:30:44 and now that he's battling and distracted, he's not able to concentrate out when Ultras was at full strength and now that he's battling and distracted, he's not able to concentrate in the same way. But you see these cultists are now up there physically maintaining these barriers and you see Jaina shouts as the world shakes around you. Okay I think this is our only shot. It looks like there's a couple mages propping up each of the barriers. We have to take them down one by one. I can dispel the barriers when a weak point hits. Can you help with the mages? Now is the time general. I will follow your orders.
Starting point is 01:31:13 You see she holds her hammer up, loads it over her shoulder. She waits for a hit from the other side. You see Callian Saul's magic fireworks of starfire lighting up the sky. As Ultras is hit, there's a crack in the arcane barrier. Before the Coltists on the other side can fully repair it, Jaina is able to take advantage and smash it, opening the first of four barriers, and exposing the first two warlocks who get into fighting position.
Starting point is 01:31:39 You see these two dead-eyed expressions, pull out knives, begin to cast spells, begin to cast spells, begin to jump towards you, and that's where we'll end our session. Oh! I'm so ready to die! Yeah!
Starting point is 01:31:52 You did a death sentence. All right. Let us fight! Oh, wait a week. Yeah. Yeah! Amazing. Oh my God, I'm gonna be running this in my head.
Starting point is 01:32:00 I'm not gonna sleep, man. Yeah, I was holding a D20. I was ready. That's it, he's ready. He's ready. He's ready. And yes, we'll chat about this all over in our Patreon, patreon.com slash nad pod. That's any DDPOD don't sing yet.
Starting point is 01:32:11 Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. That's me. That's me. I'm an ambulance. Wow. OK. That makes sense. Let's talk about that over on Patreon for sure.
Starting point is 01:32:19 That makes a lot of sense. Because you were not me, Murph. We'll definitely talk about that. And we've got some live shows coming up. Yes we do. Certainly do. Very soon, very soon. On October 26th, we got a Los Angeles Dungeon Court live.
Starting point is 01:32:32 On October 27th, we've got Denver, October 28th, we've got Sacramento. Yes. Portland, Sold out. Thank you, Portland. November 14th, we're in New Orleans. Oh, yeah. November 15th, we're in Orlando.
Starting point is 01:32:42 Oh my god. Oh my god. I love it. We're round to get out. It's November 17th, we're in Orlando, and we're around, oh my God. I love it. We're round to get out, it's November 17th in Fort Lauderdale. Oh my God. These shows won't be flaccid folks. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:32:54 For more of this, I guess. For sure, definitely in LA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When in Orlando. Yeah, when in Hondo this. Definitely a dungeon court. Yeah, so go ahead and go to nadpod.com slash live to get tickets to anybody else anything they'd like to plug. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,
Starting point is 01:33:06 I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,
Starting point is 01:33:13 I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say,
Starting point is 01:33:20 I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, and go ahead and go ahead and subscribe. Go ahead and smash it. Whoa, smash that subscribe button. It's been a while since we've said things like that. Yeah, I'm actually smash it though.
Starting point is 01:33:29 There you go. I'm gonna plug a TV show I've been enjoying. We are a lady parts. It's by the person who did, who did polite society, which I think is a movie that I plugged a while ago. I'm continuing to love it. Nice. So yeah, check it out.
Starting point is 01:33:45 I'll plug the Tour de France, the bicycle race. Oh, not popular, no, not popular. Can you do that? It was already over, it happened in July, but I think I had an incredible time watching it this year and I'm already looking forward to it. Oh, that's really fun. I think that's a really fun plug.
Starting point is 01:34:00 It was great, it was a great time. So I encourage everybody, well, I'll be talking about it all. One of the most popular sporting events, yeah. I think, yeah. Next year it was a great time. So I encourage everybody well, I'll be talking about it All of the most popular sporting events. Yeah, I do it's gonna be good A lot of the wrong with getting into a really popular sport. Yeah, it feels great Everybody getting a really popular stuff Listen to cold play Eat a McDonald's watch the door to Three-fake No, it's not your singular's McDonald's. Listen to Cole play, eat at McDonald's, watch the torrent of bronze.
Starting point is 01:34:28 I make sure he goes like carved out of wood and sitting on your mantle. As you're like, your life is slow again. But your live left love. Yeah. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? They're all really popular. Listen to Cole play, eat at McDonald's.
Starting point is 01:34:42 Watch the talk. Anyway, I follow this on social media, they're a mere mere not used. At C.H. Bruce Me, I call this called the adiac for Demilene, at your closest Jake. And you can tweet about the show using hashtag NADPOD. We are the...
Starting point is 01:34:54 We are the... You the Venetian. We are the... You the Venetian. Sorry, I'm... ... ... It's the end of our episode, which means we need to shout out our benevolent counsel of elders.
Starting point is 01:35:12 Stand proud and have your name, Red Friends. Brad D. Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord. Hucy. Later, McSkater. Matt M. Cutter W. Feared Owl, Daniel G, Dylan B, Katie G, Dungeon Mama, Okay, maybe a little bit sexual. Daniel, the Dasterly's boy. Hoiits friend, Justin I. Danny Danster, TJM, Traylee, the Kray. Christopher B, Damial R, Jordan L.
Starting point is 01:35:54 Cyborg version of Josh the Cobalds. The guy from a recent live show who gave Caldwell a Flintstones graphic novel who is Mill Walkenia. Thank you so much for sending me that, I actually read it on the airplane and it was great, I loved it. Princess Yarr! Michael L. Jory S.
Starting point is 01:36:13 Jack L. Sam L. Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bahumia, not currently starring in anything in Solidarity with the WGA and SAG After, Solidarity Nicholas. Samuel B. Mike H, Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Jima, Adam G, Tyler F, Panama James, Haradrian, Rex Daniel the White, Diana De los Lopez, C.C. Lulu, Hercules Puello, Zilabat Folk Detective.
Starting point is 01:36:45 Timmy R, Lucas B, Raco. It's Kevin. Calder will come cold again. Winter is coming. Hashtag CCC forever. Shout out to my fairy followers. Taylor B, the vengeful one-winged angel. Cass, skateboard, cast.
Starting point is 01:37:05 Captain of the Stevens, Steven C, Mike K, Lady Taco, Joy T, Jake L, Nick W, Swashbuckling, Swag, Snagger, Agniddy, who's inviting everyone to a little picnic called Manges, September 7th in Central Park on the Hexcher playground lawns. Not sure what time they're meeting up, but you know, probably lunchtime. William W. Big Bad Beard of the Mad, Eric McDee, Ananorama. Percival Frederick Stein von Mussel Klosowski der Rollo III. Item The Simple Dimples. J. Dragonborn.
Starting point is 01:37:42 Vincent, if attacked by a circus, go for the juggler. D. The Sandran, Bin A, Dave H, Katherine S, David K, Christian S, Dustin S, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfars Assistant, Izzy F, DPC is awesome! Shown the Shade Tree mechanic of Zellable Dhar, Summer Rose aka Grandter. Kat C, Mesa of House in Zunza, Ariel the occasional mermaid, Selena in aka Velacy Raptor, B Perky always, Pat L, Savexel, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Talia, Ryan S. The Mone-Duster.
Starting point is 01:38:28 Any M. Faith Fluffs. The fluffiest of Arch-Fay. Melissa. Bulb Business Illustrator. Insert Request. Mmm. I want to see Duck Team having a giant-sized hot dog eating contest. If you don't mind, thank you Snip. Lindsay W. Steele Birdie, Vailen, Carlin C, Emily S. Noah, the bagel of all things. James G. Everything bego, the Aladdin who just wants to hang out
Starting point is 01:39:13 with his pet badger, Stripey. Daddy Master, Dandy. Eric B. Stars and roses for Han forever, can't wait for Carnegie Hall. Me too. Marcos, learns the balanced Druid. Dakota James P.
Starting point is 01:39:29 Free to M. Pegos, Petroth, self-proclaimed, Faye Prince, until Halloween 2023, stay tuned. Maggie Smith, see you in Chicago. Hope you got a chance to see you there. Hope you had a great time. Holly Hyena, Kristen Z. Leia, Hunter H, maybe, Pixel Stars, Akash T, Andrew, Crick Plainswalker. Dufinious!
Starting point is 01:39:55 Cal, just Cal, Edison in, Russell H, among named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time. Cody Care, voice-havard and guitar holder of entirely unacclaimed absurdist punk band, the Goli-G Willikers. Nice, sounds like they rock. Our friend Simon, running lines with Samuel L. in his dreams, hoping to inspire a new story, roll a performance check. Keychains, Pentium 2 processor. Lorelai, the succubus and Kyra, her busty queen.
Starting point is 01:40:28 Matt M., your friendly neighborhood, Yint, and Yunkl, Andrew, and Sid. See you in Minneapolis. Hope you had a nice time, folks. John Adams, yes, like the president. Meg, the male carrier manager of Bohumia. James F. Jimmy A. M4L Austin S. Knight of the Living Fulster. Wayfarer briefly warped out of the Feyrrealm to a strange city called Mini-Apple-Hiss and
Starting point is 01:40:56 met a couple of charming justices. Ah, glad we got to see ya. Jane C. Barpo Goodbarrel, Bart Barian, Mary Beth C. C. Y'all in Chicago and NYC can't wait. Contender in the making. Three awakened gooses, Welshlander, Garrett G. aka one big curd, had a lot of curds on the road it was delicious. Mr. D. Talisman, the man with a lucky charm for you. Dana the Daisy, Sean J. Ethan B, Renee the Monster Captain, Gabriel W, Box Clifton A,
Starting point is 01:41:32 I'ma walk in here! Olivia the enchanting bard who's working hard on her addition for lead singer of the mountain crows. Winterslayed, Forest H-H-A-A life is like a box of Martha Togold's Sticky Buns. Riley S. FICO. Angry Wheat. J-3,001. Thrath.
Starting point is 01:41:54 The Demon Lord of Spite. Anthony, the Radist of Dudes, who secured his Carnegie Hall tickets for himself and his lovely partner Josh, the finest of dudes. Josh H. Clementine T, Caleb L, Fairy follower say, hi! Hashtag called her, will come cold again. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesy wearing barbarian.
Starting point is 01:42:16 MJ, the BFG, drinking tea by the sea. Little Farrett Powell, dogs of Babel, Eleanor K, Mr. Miyowski, Geno T, Mama Bell, the silver serpent, herself. Funer! Seen that spell, the wizard. Hannah Ross III, Derek D, Kallu Kalei, can't wait to see you at Carnegie Hall, yay! Tristan the Talitless Hunk, MJJ, BTA Workshop got engaged after the Minneapolis live show, yes Jake, there will be cake at the wedding if you want to try
Starting point is 01:42:53 that too. Mios the Great, Alex K, Joshua P, Joshua S, Alexander, Linz W, Angela LaPamela, Sandra Rita as this continues, you know he's getting sweeter. Emma S. Red, the reforged, warforged. Sexy little spider waiting for Meruf to stop being weird about it and just date me already. A cat patrolling their territory and greeting friendly humans along the way. Hard ones hot hump gunk. Shell B. Yes, from the sprite girls.
Starting point is 01:43:26 Check out our new single with lich-nee spears, Critme Baby one more time dropping this autumn. Stale bread on a salad aka Cruton. Jackson R, T3R HX, official Med Flanders. Hi, dolly ho. And a stage at W, the Honey Goblin. Nofobi, the Flanders. Hi, dolly-ho. And a station W, the Honey Goblin. Nophabie, the Deathcore Bard. Caitlin D, Z-Borb, Blake H. Big Bev's Bestie.
Starting point is 01:43:53 Lloyd, the rat that controls my cerebellum up a rimmy from Ratatouille style. Shelby C, pop-ho, Skat-A's, Mima Skat-A's. Taylor B. Oh, it's V. Tommy W. Mike and Lisa sending love to all y'all, right back at ya. Haley the human, Megan In.
Starting point is 01:44:14 The big Ilm. John Fraser, the dice lander. Stephanie of House in Zunza. Jake's ramen shop. Tracy P. Karajish, Benjamin A. Sacificial Otaku pin name for Kali's cousin, who discovered anime and is trying to spread it all over the world of Bohemia, Godspeed, Sav the advisor to Princess Shiverblight, who helped decide that it was indeed a good
Starting point is 01:44:39 idea to help out the other dragons. A misunderstood kid who's upbringing was mostly just fine. The terrible trio of George, Chester, and Toad. Michal A. Shannimal, commander of the fifth anniversary live show, Pocket Foster Army. Wow. And Angie A.
Starting point is 01:45:00 Thank you so, so much to all of our elders. We deeply appreciate your support. If you would like to join this illustrious number, you can do so by going to patreon.com slash nad pod. That's the end of our show. Thanks so much everybody. We'll see you here next week. Bye bye.
Starting point is 01:45:16 That was a hate gun podcast. Hey there, nad polls. Jake here to let you know about some very exciting live shows we've got coming up on October 26th. We'll be in Los Angeles for a dungeon court live at the Palace Theater. There are tickets still available at nadpod.com slash live. The next two nights, October 27th and the 28th will be in Denver and Sacramento for some actual play episodes. Our other dungeon court live is sold out in Portland, so get your tickets either in
Starting point is 01:45:46 LA, Denver, or Sacramento while they last. You can do that over at nadpot.com slash live. Thanks so much. We will see you out there.

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