Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: A Crown of Ducks (w/ Julia Lepetit & Nathan Yaffe)

Episode Date: October 29, 2021

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Supreme Crit Justice Tanner and the newly-inducted Justices Lepetit and Yaffe, as well the Venerable Bailiff Hurwitz, as we review your cases. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to bonus cases AND a bunch of other Naddpod content! CREDITS: Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You don't need to say that, but we say it anyway. Yes. I am Supreme Crit Justice Caldwell Tanner joined by the beautiful, the benevolent, the glowing bail of her with. Very nice. Thank you. Indeed. You know what?

You're that often enough. It's a new day. It's a new paradigm because two of our justices, justices, Axford and Murphy are on vacation. Yes. I thought they fled the court in disgrace, but we weren't going to publicly say that, but yes, they have sequestered themselves. I see.

They are being investigated for several crimes. Against D&D, dice crisis. And also of the United States. Right. But in a pinch, in a pinch, while they are having a hiatus, let's say, we've recruited two incredible justices. We have justices, Julia Lepetit, and justice, Nathan Yaffe here with us.

Wow. Hello. Welcome, Mugas. Oh, that's for coming. Yes, I'm honored. If you're unaware, they are both from the YouTube channel DRAWFY, which is a drawing channel,

which you might have seen me on back in the day, but in addition to that, they're currently running a very cool game called Draw Textives, which is a role-playing game, but with art elements added into it, that Julia is the game master for. Yeah, it's fun to be the master of that game, and now I'm being called a justice,

and I feel like I have too much power. Oh, yeah. The combination of the two is too much for me. The power does often go straight to someone's head. Yeah, I'm ready to do it. That's pretty quickly. Yeah, good. It feels good.

Yeah, it's not going to cancel. They don't cancel each other out, though. It's just compound. Not enough power. Too much power. Yum, yum, yum. Am I a god no? Reince we've seen, probably.

Which is a second half of the show. Well, now that we are all feeling comfortable in our positions and ready to dole out justice, Baylift, do you have a case for us? Actually, before we do that, we have two new justices, actually just nominated justices. You guys must first take the oath of the Supreme Crit.

My apologies Bay Baylor. I've spoken out of turn. This is still my courtroom. Yeah, I was told this oath was very important. So I got it. Yeah, yeah. Julian Nathan have both pricked their finger to sign it in blood.

Oh, you just needed the finger? I went full-poll. Wow. Wow, that's a lot of work. Get me everywhere. We're going to need to get some paper towels for that. It's not clotting at all. It's just flowing.

Wow. We'll get you a bucket if that's okay. Listen, if I dip my hand in that bucket and it fills up to pass my hand, that means it stops bleeding. So we just gotta get to that point. That's how liquid work. I'm okay with it.

If you are, Baylor, you guys are already thinking like we want you to. I'm a super expert. So I guess you guys do on the secret. So I guess you guys can say the oath at the same time. I don't think we've ever done a double oath, but normally we're recording remotely, but we're all in the room together, so I think we're going to get a nice cadence. I think that honestly this is going to be the best oath yet, unless we mess up in which case we were recording remotely.

Yes, yes, yes. Sorry about the delay. If there's a little bit of delay, yeah, between me and Nathan. Well, if we mess up, you do have to go into the other room were recording remotely. Yes, yes, yes. It's fast. Sorry about the delay. If there's a little bit of delay, yeah, it'll be between me and Nathan. Well, if we mess up, you do have to go into the other room and record remotely. We're gonna make a record in the bathroom. And you have to use your phone instead of the wifi.

I'm gonna sit on the stairs, work from there. So echoey. Hold on, guys, there's a guy coming in with a bike. Hold the bike. Oh, that has to be my- Amazon again. Bike check. How do we want to start this? Count us in bail if you want to count us in yeah three two one I

Naily do some we swear that I will support and defend the players as well as the DMs against all enemies foreign and domestic that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same that I will take this obligation of my own volition and that I will well and faithfully embark upon this noble pursuit of justice. So help me, God. No fucking lie, I actually got chills. I got chills. Yeah, we did well. Oh, that was beautifully read. I got chills for another reason where I was like,

what are we making them agree to? Is this too much? This is several ages long. Do we have to check them all, Lloyd? Now that you guys are sworn in, let me say, here ye, here ye, crit is now in session. The honorable Supreme Crit Justices, Tanner, Yaffe, and LePete, presiding.

Wow, wow, wow. It's a new age. It sure is. So let's kick it off with our first case coming from Tommy G, Tommy writes, may it please the court I humbly bring before you DM verse player the soap key case. Oh, if it's going where I think it's going this is just like classic Colombo shit. This is like absolutely like you know some Agatha Christie

bullshit and I'm here for it. Oh, very excited. They write I am a new DM running out of the abyss where the players start off as prisoners of the drought in the underdark. I mentioned to my players that the guards have keys on their hips thinking they would use this opportunity to pick pocket a key. My rogue decided instead of pick pocketing a key he wanted to take a bar of soap and push it into a key to get in the pressure of it while it was on a guard's hip. I thought this was unrealistic giving the guard was awake and it would take too long to push

a key into a bar of soap without the diagnosis. My player disagreed and grabbed a bar of soap, IRL, and pushed a fork into it to prove his point. I countered that the soap from his bathroom was soft from a recent shower and a fork provided a handle to push it in. My player ended up rolling really well on slight of hand. And I let him have his imprint of the key. But was I within my rights to say this wouldn't work? I mean, here's the name. You set up the precedent right there, which is that if you take a quick shower

and soften the soap, then it's good to go. So if your rogue is a rogue, right? Yes, yes, rogue. If your rogue takes a quick shower in the corner of the cell, softens up that soap, no problems. Like, there's nothing here saying that the soap in the jail cell was hard. Like, it could also be soft.

What kind of soap are we working with in the underdark? Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of weird creatures down there. It's probably everything's kind of soft and wet, damp. I just love that at this table, shower soap was just ready to go. Yeah, right. Yeah, he brought it out, was like, let me show you. Here's a fork. Here's the soap I washed myself with, mere hours ago.

You can still see several hairs on it, pubes and otherwise, but they're there. It's a nice reminder that not everyone records when they play. They just wouldn't work for us. There's two things. I mean, I feel like you have to reward the ingenuity of just like running to your bathroom and getting your lever 2000 bar, just to like prove a point.

Yeah. But there is the part of me as a GM that's just like, just I just want you to interact with the thing. The just for once, just for once I want you to interact with the thing, the way that I want you to interact with the thing. Just for once, just for once I want you to interact with the thing. The way that I want you to interact with the thing. I know it would be like, there's like the stubborn part of me when my reflexes like, no, it's that old prison soap that is dried out.

It's like chips when you use it. Like no, you can't press dindly into that. This feels pointed in my direction. This is great. I was worried that without Murph here we were going to lose the salt but like I think we have a new salt queen as a risen. I'm halfway through season two of Draw Tech Tips at the GM and I've lost my mind. Wow we've got the DM's judge here.

Perfect. Murph is far to the south is that. Is that what it is? We say we change it every time. Yeah. One's, one's our around the DM. 20's are for the player. Right. Yeah. So they're moving to the south. 20 to the north. That's for the player. One to the south. So you are our southern judge and Nathan shall be our northern point. Yeah. On the bailify. Shall do our best to remain impartial so that the court can continue so that it doesn't collapse in upon itself. Now how does this actually work?

The soap? The key. Like once you have the imprint, that's nice, but don't you need the key? You need to sort of, you need to then like pour like because this is an old technique that people used to do, but then they would pour something into the mold on the soap. So like you're gonna say you have some sort of molten stuff and you're, I mean,

could you make it on the other? What about an ice key? I feel like that would just shatter if you tried to use it. Maybe, that's true. It's got a lot of little delicate ends to it, little rods and stuff. And that is the question. If you pour it molten metal into a bar of soap,

what it hold up to this scrutiny? That's gonna melt the soap. You just need a shrugging melt the soap. What you need is someone on your team with the shape earth can trip to shape earth and the shape of the key, hard knit up, get it in, just use it for time. I forgot that this was D&D and not jail.

That's my problem with the question. Is it realistic? What's realistic? It's the, if it's hard to do, if it's near impossible to do, set the challenge, DC. That's unrealistic. Okay, you're a prisoner of the drow in the underjark. Yeah.

You must use your incredible skill at pickpocketing to take the key rather than using your incredible slight of hand skill to do something else that also would be undetectable. It's off-king. I don't know. It's just, yeah, it's maybe it's a little bit harder to do than just swiping the key off the guard this week, but yeah, just make the difficulty check harder. It sounds like the rogue rolled well.

I think you're both right in different ways. Nathan, you're right that this is a very good use of ingenuity. It's creative play. Julia, you're right to be annoyed. B&DM is being annoyed, setting hard difficulties, checks for absurd things your players want to do, and then being more annoyed when they roll really. Yeah, that's true. That's like this really. It all breaks down to that. Those are two very different, because slight of hand, you can't use that check for two different actions, right? Like a slight of hand to pick pocket

versus a slight of hand to press soap. That was right. What do you do as the GM? Do you just set the DC a lot higher for the soap one? I think so, yeah. I wish we had like a man on the street segment. That's like, since somebody out into the streets of Brooklyn to just press soap.

Yeah, it was harder to press the soap for sure that it was to just take stuff. Yeah, I got beat up several times. So then you get the guy that's like, yeah, I could do that. I could do that. No problem. Give me a bar of soap. I'll do it right now. It's true.

If you got like Matt Damon from Ocean's 12, Ocean's 11, any of the oceans honestly. Really? He's fucking even real life. I feel like Matt Damon from Oceans 12, Oceans 11, any of the Oceans honestly, you fuck it even real life. I feel like Matt Damon has those skills. Yeah, if Damon's involved and he's pressing soap, I think that he could like get that imprint real clean. Knowing me, I think I'm more likely to let someone press soap into my body than to like take my keys off my belt loop. That's true. Like I could picture the soap one happen. Yeah, you do a little bump. You do you look like oh, I'm so Oh, sorry. I was sorry. I was my face is dirty. Oh, it's all this soared and soap And that's I suppose that's fine. I'm with your day, sir

Yeah, especially in like a big city you can just get away with that you're just like oh Rob a dog rob a dog I've got the little of my magic soap on you farewell And then you just just slide off into the night, knowing the wiser. Yeah, now it's a performance check. We all live in New York. What was the last time someone ran into you with soap?

On the way here. Yeah, I noticed you got that soap stain on your jeans. I know. It's in my shoes, even. Well, I suppose we must we must rule I think so it seems like you know retorn a little bit We're a little torn but you know it's like if you establish some world rules But also the difficulty is GM is that you have the part of you that stubborn But you also have the part of you that's like I'm playing with my friends. I got to let them have fun with this thing

It's not you know,. It's not life or death. I go, wow. It sounds like that's what Tommy ended up doing because they said I let them use it. But was I right to say it shouldn't work? I think that you played this perfectly. Yeah. You said no, but then they like came at it with sideways

with a fun reason. You made them roll. They like pass the roll even though it was really high. So I think like you kind of get to like play the roll of the Kermudgeonly DM, but like still get your friend to succeed. So I think it's a win-win across the board. Yeah, we get to rub your face and go, fine.

I don't like it but do it. You know, God, I would love to be in that room when like the player did that high slight of hand roll. Because you know that that soap got passed around. You know that that soap literally got rubbed in the DM's face. Yeah. And they're gonna bring it up later,

like having another soap moment. You know that the next session, they're gonna bring in a bar of soap between hamburger buns. Eat that soap, eat that soap idiot. As my bonus item, I bring a bar of soap between hamburger buns. Eat that soap, eat that soap idiot. As my bonus item, I bring a bar of soap. Unfortunately, so we've reached the point of this hearing where we need to weigh in, we need to deliver a punishment, unfortunately.

So it sounds like we are ruling in favor of who? Because we agree with what the DM did. Yeah. But the question is player versus DM and who was right. And I think, oh, the DM was right. So we're ruling against the player. But the player was also right. Yeah, everyone was right.

Someone must be punished. It sounded like... Look, I'm not saying both. Oh, that's great. But punishment! Punishment is they have to keep playing with each other and just kind of budding heads. Yeah. We just like we harbor that tension. That's playing D&D. You've described the act of playing D&D. Yes. The player gets to bring up the soap in future episodes and then see

their friends face as they just grow more and more irritated every time, knowing that they're damaging that friendship maybe forever. Yeah. So. This DM is just going to put you in harder and harder prisons to break out of. There is no soap in this prison. You don't get the shower. If this person keeps trying to use soap to solve problems, you just have to like make stuff happen to their soap. Oh, or make stuff happen to your world that needs soap.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's a really dirty, dirty place. It's a vile disgusting place. You can either clean it up, clean yourself or have the key, but you can't do both. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, you stumble upon the one orphanage in town

and there's a sludge monster attacking it. What do you do? So there's sentenced to play together forever, which sounds nice, because I feel like, they got a good energy, a good tip for tat, you can't mouse over here. They should always play with the bar of soap as well. So we're syncing them to life, is what we're saying.

Yes. Okay. Life playing together with the soap. A softer punishment, and we normally go for it, but I like a softer punishment. A cleaner punishment. Just like so. Well said.

Let's see if the trend continues because the next case comes from Heidi A to the bay lift, strong of body and the justices, strong of mind. Wow, thank you. May it please the court. I bring forth all of our souls are rotten. Heidi, you don't know me? Everything's fine as long as I'm fucking jacked, which Heidi clearly thinks I am and that's all the fucking matters. So you know my soul is rotten I bring forth the case of the bard who won't cast spells I DM for a first-time player who desperately wants to be an arakakra bard named ack ack

He says he loves playing support classes and wants to fly around the battlefield Inspiring his friends with his bagpipes. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great.

Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great.

Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Wizard was down and making death saves, and he used his turn to stab a monster with a dagger then healing word himself.

I've offered to let him reclass something else and try to nudge him towards using any of his class abilities at all, but he's adamant that he wants to be a bard. Should I just kill this fool, Hardy Bird? The player seems to really love him. What do I do to make sure the party has fun even though one player is effectively level one forever? Wow.

I'm obsessed with this. I love it. I love it. I love it. So I have not played as a player in a lot of D&D, but I played once for one campaign as a magician. And I, I'm like everyone else I was playing with, I built my character story first, and then I, like, picked my abilities based off of

what I felt like that character would actually use in their day to day, so I was a magician, and I had, like, a lot of just, like, because he wanted to be, like, a magician performer for, like, kids. So I choose, like, a lot of things that would be fun for a show and I was useless for the longest time. Oh no. What class were you actually playing? This was a non-D&D game. It's called Shadow of the Demon Lord great game. Highly recommend. Yeah. Very similar to 5A but with some differences that I really like. And so yeah, you were a wizard, right? Or a... I think I was a magician.

Yeah, a magician. So nothing. Yeah. It was great. I could like make duplicates of myself. That's cool. I could do like, I don't know. It was such a bizarre class, but I absolutely loved it.

But see, you were casting your spells. And like they weren't damaging spells, but they were still useful. You were effectively the tank because no one could hit you. You couldn't hit anyone else, but you just baffled the opponents. This was a good character that you did. It seems like the problem here is that there weren't enough

kids birthdays for you to go to. Correct, I only have one. I was at a work. I'm real fast. Did you do balloon animals? Oh, I should have. Fuck, was out of work. I'm really fast. Did you do balloon animals? Oh, I should have. Fuck.

Yeah, you gotta expand. Like, you can imagine going to get you so far. You can only pull so many doves out of a hat. Yeah, I had a mechanical bird. Woo. And I used that to cast a lot of spells. Because it had to be like things I could touch. So I would like touch the burden to do a spell

and then the burden would go somewhere. See, cool. What this question reminded me more of is another time we played together where you played a character that specialized in pick pocketing and called well as the DM. Oh, that's one of the ideas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Basically offered you the ability to use your pick pocketing and wait, did you do a soap thing? Is this all coming full? Yeah, wait a minute. Wait a second. Coulville, did you submit that?

I might have changed some details. No, but you did this very cool thing as the DM where it was like, we're in this final battle. And a lot of our players weren't very combat-oriented and you were basically like, okay, you can just use your highest skill ability as your attack role, and Julia is like my character. My character wouldn't want to attack. Right, yeah.

I think you spit that entire battle like trying to steal a mini fridge if I could help. Yes, I was stealing all of the things in the room and putting it in my bag because I figured that my character would be more interested in once he got home selling magical items and he would be like doing this big adventure thing. But even still, you were playing your character correctly because you were a rogue and a thief. That's true. It's not we are straining from the Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-Ack-A is it? Is it a college of swords barred? Because then the daggers make a little more sense.

That is true. It must be because they're talking about Ack Ack having a bunch of daggers, right? But level nine college of swords, that's like you would have some high level spells. Right, yeah. Because like Murph played a college of swords barred as Jins, I believe.

Yes. And like Jins was like using his off hand to do bonus action stabs all the time, but he was also doing like dimension door at a bunch of cool ass spells and like definitely always healing where he's his friends, which is kinda like, it seems like this bar

it should be one of the big healers in the group and they're not really pulling their way. It feels almost like there's two different issues. You can play your character stupid, but not if you built the party around this character being a support. Right. If their job is to keep people up, like Ackack can attack on his turn, but he should

heal people. That's kind of baseline. And he knows he has heals because he has mentioned, yes, act as healing of self. All the wizard is making death's sake. I'm gonna put her in. One of the best things as a bard is you can healing word from anywhere on the battlefield to pop someone up when they need, it's like bonus action, right?

Yeah, it's a bonus action. You can still do, yeah. Well then I don't get to attack twice with a dagger. I'm gonna knock another dagger attack. I think the worst part is that this character, this player loves their character. Yeah, well then I don't get to attack twice with a dad Another dad I think the worst part is that this character this player loves their character like they have no flaws with that Act they love that act with all their heart and that's what makes this so difficult because we do have to kill Act yeah, yeah, it does need to die more the entire party needs to die and act act needs to feel the weight Oh, that's interesting.

Ackack is responsible for ITP. If only you would played one chord on your bagpipe, Ackack. You could have saved the day. Yeah. But you chose to stab, and now you have to pay the price for it. Yeah, do we have to walk a hard path for Ackack here? I think I would rule against Ackack here. Just because the idea that you would not,

if you have a heel and you would let someone make death save and heal yourself on the same turn that you attacked, feels like insanely selfish to me. Yeah, it's beyond the pale. It just feels like the point of playing a game with your friends is to have fun with your friends. And if you are the only person who's having fun and everyone else is miserable, probably we think of you things.

Yeah. So what, how are we going to punish Ackak and their player? Maybe he has to, but that would be a punishment for everyone. I was going to say maybe he gets his character taken away. And then he has to just like play music for every session going forward in real life. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, having to learn how to play the bagpipes in going forward in real life. I mean, that's more of a punishment.

I mean, having to learn how to play the bagpipes in real life is kind of a, I mean, it's an honor because it's, you know, you're going to get a lot of work at funerals. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Nothing's cooler. I think playing the bagpipes is really good. I think learning must not be cool at all.

No, that's going to be a long road. Yeah, starting out. Mm-hmm. Excuse me while I just like, I want to see how expensive bagpipes are. Yeah, look up that and then also like a lessons package. And then I'm gonna say, well, you're doing that. This is like a very fun tack that we're taking

for this court session where it seems like all of these punishments are like self-improving in a way. Like one of them we've sent in someone to life with their friend to play D&D forever. I don't know how magical that punishment is if they'll never die I don't know what the limits of our court are maybe we've sentenced them to immortality playing D&D. Yeah, they'll never die But they will age okay That's that's cool as well because then eventually there will be a couple of skeletons playing D&D

Yeah, and like everyone can just go watch them do it. That's what we're all striving for at the end of the day. On it. Yeah. And now, bagpipes are actually not terribly expensive. I have no idea if these are working bagpipes, but there's a pair on heritageofscotland.com for 14.99. They do have one star. Oh, one star.

Oh, that's a one star pipe. But on Fbottles. ScottishLionsBoot.com, you can get a backpack bananza for 130 bucks. What is the bananza element? Don't look at my screen. Oh my gosh. There's a $1,500 bagpipes.

I can't even. I'm in the same act, act to getting Claymore imports $1,500 bagpipes. Yes, that's a good price for a pipe, but I will teach you for free. Wow. This raises a question. Another question, because bagpipes require two hands to use. So if they're making bonus action attacks with their daggers, that means they're dual

wielding, because you can use your bonus action to make an attack with your daggers. Oh, here we go. That means they're dual wielding, because you can use your bonus action to make an attack with your offhand weapon. So they're dual wielding daggers. They're not even playing their bagpipes while they're wielding the daggers. Just fucking up in so many ways. How many arms does carrot got? Then you were supposed to be our players judge

and already you've fallen from the bath. Well, because they're playing wrong. Yeah. He's the true players judge and already you've fallen from the bath. Well, because they're playing wrong. Yeah. He's the true player judge. It's the opposite. It's the exact opposite of my play style, where it's like if you want to make a character that's optimized for daggers, go for it.

But I don't waste all your spell slots. Nathan is the player's handbook judge. Yes, there we go. Very nice. So yes, we're going to send it to them to learn the bagpipe. And then I think, how about this? They have to start every session with like a beautiful bagpipe song. And they close every session as well.

With the dirge. Like a sad bagpipe song. Yeah, okay, cool. So fucking ordered. Let's go to a quick recess. I've got something here that's not quite a case. More like a brainstorm. It's nice to look at some advice.

We're outside the courtroom now. Our robes are open. We're all sipping coffee, smoking cigarettes, staring off into another beautiful New York sunset. We're brainstorming. We're brainstorming. And actually, Murphy and Emily are going to be very sad they missed this question.

It comes from Ketrin. It's deemed crit, justices, and off-malign bailiff. I think that's true. If it may please the court, I write to you not to settle a dispute because I play with other reasonable adults, but to ask your advice on steed stats. My alladrin, Palabard Arcade has fine steed and my cool DM allowed me to make

the steed a giant black domestic cat named Lazlo. At the outset of the campaign, we decided to use war horse stats with the edit of a 16 decks instead of 12 and a bouncing charge instead of a trampling charge. However, as we've played through a few sessions, there are other components of the war horse stats that don't really align with a cat's physiology. I've read suggestions online to use warg stats, but that felt too overpowered for a level six character. Given Justice's Murphy and Oxford, who are not here, proclivity towards cats, I'm appealing to them

to supply a cat's steed stat block that isn't overpowered, but also better conveys the nuances of having a fey feline as my steed thanks, sweety's. Now Nathan, you have a cat, is that correct? No, Julia, two cats. I have two cats. Great, we have a cat. We have cats are being represented here. I have no cats. So we need, yeah, we need a cat mom to talk to talk to. I'm here. I've seen cats. I've seen them before. 2019. Oh, just cats. Yeah, just in general. Yeah, I've seen yeah went to a showing of cats That but the the screen didn't work because it was full of actual cats. Whoa. Oh, I would have preferred that

It was very surprising was an interactive experience But the theater was shut down. I mean, yeah, but also you're not gonna have rats that way. That's true So yeah, so it all worked not gonna have rats that way. That's true. So, yeah. So it all worked out because they had a big rat problem and then they brought in all the cats and then they just, you know, they started multiplying and they started like, it was very cute. They were like living in like the little film canisters

and stuff like that. They were talking about the rats or the cats. Both actually. There was a, they made a shaky truce. Yeah. They were, they divided the theater in half. Right. They actually all banded together to find the humans

that they didn't really see. This is a common New York problem that happens to most theaters here. Yeah. That's why they're all AMCs. Cats and rats warring against us in the streets. Yeah. And then when you went to go buy your tickets for the Cats movie, it wasn't a person behind there.

It was just a stack of cats where a big trench coat. That's what, all right. So stack of cats where a big trench coat. That's what, all right. So AMC stands for American Mouse Cats Together. Yes. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah.

Oh my god. I didn't know what America is. Open your fucking eyes, dude. Everything, every movie you've ever seen has been made by a bunch of cats in a trench coat. I really thought just Ratatouille was the rat. That's just it. That was the tip of the fucking iceberg. That was the tip of the fucking iceberg. Yeah, Julie, please continue.

I mean, I've lost the thread. Now I'm just thinking about the cat's rats theater. Cats rats and stats, that's what we need. That's all we need here, that's the warhorse stat block is not like in a chef. Is it the agility that's tripping them up? Is it the dexterity? Is that what they said?

They added some more decks from 12 to 16 and they did a pound instead of a trample, but it sounds like they want more. Is it like a nerfing quality that we're looking for here? Are we trying to like make it so that there are like some downsides to this overpowered creature? What's the challenge rating of a war horse? Glad you asked. Oh, steplock.

It's just right. OK, so I think this might need to be our first question that we bring up across sessions. Because I do want Justice Axford and Murphy to weigh in on this. Yeah, they would. This is good for, we'll kick this over to a short rest at some point.

OK, for sure. So the war horse, it is a challenge rating of 1.5. So armor class is 11. Has 19 hit points, a speed of 60 feet, So the Warhorse, it is a challenge rating of one half. Okay. So Armored Class is 11, has 19 hit points, a speed of 60 feet, 18 strength, 12 decks, 13 con, two intelligence, 12 wisdom, seven charisma. Great. I would suggest just to start things off. Maybe vulnerable to water.

Oh yeah. If an enemy even pretends to spray at the Warhorse cat with a little spray bottle, it freaks out. Yes. Or like arches that's back and you fall off. It has to make a wisdom saving through that. Yeah. Or what if they get easily distracted? My cats always get easily distracted by birds, by literally anything that makes a noise. Mm-hmm.

So they could do like- If you minor illusion a laser point, you're done. Yeah. Oh wow. Someone makes a bird noise. Yeah, this is good. A lot of like wisdom saves you have to do. A war horse's passive perception is 11.

Does it feel like a cat would have higher passive perception? Oh, they're kind of jumpy. They feel like the cat knows they are. Yeah. Yeah, because like a cat knows where you are. That's right, atos are. Yeah. Yeah. Because like a cat knows where you are. That's right, at all times. Yeah. I know this about cats.

Yes. Correct. And another thing this horse has is a hoof attack. It's a melee weapon attack plus six to hit, five foot reach, and it's 2D6 plus four bludgeoning damage. Well, that's got to be piercing or slashing. Yeah, it's got to choose to clause I mean right and the reach should actually probably be a little further because the cat can I feel that's our liquid

Yeah, cats don't have a real shape. Mm-hmm. Here's another thing cats hate a closed door Mm-hmm. If there's any door in the vicinity that's closed that cat immediately goes to that door cats For us operate under vampire rules, right? Yes, they need to be... Well, it's the opposite of vampire rules. Oh, right. They need to not be invited in, in order to want to go. You close the door and they're like, okay, but I know you said no, but I'm coming in. But what about just me?

What about just letting me in? I'm just picturing like a six-foot tall cat, like trying to swipe its paw under the edge of the door. Just doing the little kneading on the door. Where there's just, yeah. Don't your door just have scrapes through it. So it seems like there's a lot of ways where like, yeah, cat mount is better,

but then a lot of ways where it's worse. I feel like harder to control too. Definitely, right. You can't make a cat do anything. Yeah, because that's true. There are plenty of, I was just looking up with the challenge rating on some big cats in D&D Army. It looks like Lion Tiger is both challenge rating one

and Panther is one quarter. So there's not, I couldn't find a one half challenge rating cat, but I think if you go with a Lion or Tiger and then give it these complications to balance it out. I like that. I kind of like that. One more complication.

I feel like this is gonna be way too complicated for you to ever play with, because I do think that you're gonna need to feed the cat every morning. And if the cat doesn't eat all of its food, it's not gonna be able to perform all its abilities. Yeah. Or it leaves like a little bit

and nudges the bowl around all day. Yeah. Then I don't think that it's gonna be able to perform to the fullest extent. You have to get a constitution all day. Yeah. Then I don't think that it's going to be able to like perform to the fullest extent. You have to get a constitution debuff. Yeah. You have to roll to see if your cat is still interested in the food you've been feeding them for the past three months. Right.

Or you have to go into town and go to like the cat merchant. You're like, you've been eating this for the past three months. Why are you interested in it now? You want to try this one? No, you don't even like this one. All right. So we're putting the quest for finding the liches heart on whole that we are gonna be looking for some friskeys.

We're gonna be looking for a store that sells friskeys. You like a tuna and shrimp, another tuna, and the green leaves. What's up with that? Which one do you want? But it can't, it can't like the food too much or else it'll eat it too fast and then throw up. Yes. And oh, hairballs are definitely a thing. But it can't it can't like the food too much or else it'll eat it too fast and then throw up Yeah

And oh Hairballs are definitely a thing you got it. You're gonna need to have a hairball table. Oh, that's like a wild magic table. Yes Different size hairballs would do different things your cat still trying to hork that up This is good. I think we've helped we've helped a lot definitely sure more phenomenally We've met we've there's something glaring thing that we've missed. I'm sure. Because there's only one cat per cent here. But I think we've got the ball rolling here for sure.

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Nicholas B. writes, may it please the court and my favorite bailiff. Thanks guys. Wow. In my absence of a session, my DM has given my character aster a crown of duck summoning. Sorry to stand the bird topic. Aster a crown of duck summoning as a punishment.

He is stating that it is used to my body. Therefore I am unable to remove it. It isn't much of a problem. My party and I have actually tried to utilize it in fact. The only grievance I have is that my DM won't let us use the ducks in a party move we call duck death cannon. In combat, we pass a duck around between us to build up momentum before we have our Goliath barbarian

yeet it at an enemy's head. Yeet it is to throw something out violently. We know it would be considered an improvised weapon and that the duck would definitely die, but the image of a cobalt head exploding in a cloud of feathers is quite funny thus. My DM says it's too ridiculous and too much work. I argue that if he doesn't want to put in the work,

he shouldn't have given me the crown. Thoughts? If I must be punished, I request to die in a poof of duck feathers. I put my phone on airplane mode, but somehow, Murph is calling. He's bypassed airplane mode and is calling. He wants to chime in on this.

Yeah, I have a feeling who's gonna rule for. All right, so let's recap. It's a crown that is a punishment. It's fused to the player's head while he wasn't there. He returned from a session he missed with this crown fused to his character's head. It's kind of like going to sleep and like getting your face covered in sharpie except a lot more permanent. Yeah, this is like an infernal punishment.

This is like what you get for making packs with demons and whatnot. I love the idea that throwing a duck at an enemy is too ridiculous, but a crown that is fused to your head that some in ducks is not. That's, the dam's not playing by their own rules right here, I think. Yes. The thing that tripped me up was like the part where they were trying to build momentum

on the duck. Yeah, that one. It seems like they don't need to do that. Yeah, you just have the galaea throw the duck in. The galaea throw in the duck is hard as they can. It's like that's where the momentum is coming from. You didn't pass around the duck and it didn't turn into like a fucking full attack. You're not using the orbit of the moon to like build the velocity of the duck and it didn't turn into like a fucking bullet attack. You're not using the orbit of the moon to like build the velocity of the duck.

I mean, if you know mechanically if you want to say every player spends their turn taking the help action instead of doing some power up the duck. They should be calling it chuck a duck, right? Like, yeah, that's honestly the source of the punishment will come from that. You guys failed to come up with the name Chuck Adodd. And that's right there. Duck death cannon, it's not even a literative. I don't, and it's not a cannon, he's throwing it.

He's kind of like Mighty Duckhuck. Mighty Duckhuck, there it is. That's, these are all better. These are all better. Julia is the resident queen of salt. What are your thoughts? This move, punishing your player for not being there, or while they're not there, feels like something you do and you're just really irritated by something

that's going on. And then, because I've tried to punish players for things by just giving them something really annoying to interact with, and then they turn it around and do something ridiculous with it, which always makes me laugh, honestly, because it's that moment where I'm like, I probably shouldn't have done that. I was just really salty for my way.

It's a collaborative game. Yeah, that's what you really impressed with with what they did, and then, you know, if the team's having fun, I'm like, yeah, let's do it, you know. Oh yeah. It's especially weird to be like, you have a crown that summons ducks.

Like, okay, I'll throw one. It is not ridiculous. It is a serious crown of ducks. It's only, it's on your head. Show up and sit there and you can't do anything with them. You cannot eat them, they are not a source of food. You cannot throw them. Damn just quacks for five minutes.

Now let me narrow at the scene. You have angered the flock. You think they will work for you? No, Ney, you have angered the duck lord. They're taking a peck attack at you. You must respect the duck. You did not respect the duck enough. This mallard has malice.

See, I think that there's even a way to do this where if the player did need to be punished for something, if they stole a golden egg from some sort of duck god and like they have a duck crown fused to their head now Maybe it is the sort of thing where like they can try and do like an animal handling check to like persuade one of the ducks to fight for them But otherwise they are just gonna get the shit packed out of them Yeah, I think there's like ways around this, but I do agree they're like if you give them a duck crown They're gonna use the ducks. Yes. Yeah, you have to assume that they're going to use anything that you give them and you have to assume, basically you have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst, which is just,

you hope that they accept that this is a punishment? I guess. But also like accept that they're probably gonna do something stupid. This is Quackov's gun. Yes, very good, very good. Thank you. Should we offer a. Very good, thank you. Should we offer a punishment? Yeah, and I think it sounds like we're punishing the DM.

Unfortunately, yes. It seems like they tried something interesting, but they went a little too hard. They went a little too hard in the other direction here. What are we thinking? They just have to have a real duck. Oh, I'm so happy. I like that.

They have to adopt a duck. They have to adopt a duck. And you're not stealing one from a fucking pond. No. No have to adopt a duck and adopt a duck and that you not steal one from a fucking pond No, no to like rescue a duck. Yes. Yeah, you can't just like go pick one up and you must respect it You have to respect and you can't raise this duck from a Gosling You can't you have to get like a full grown duck duckling. You're right Gosling is a goose that big goose If you think you should get a Gosling too if you think you're getting a duck and you end up with a goose, oh boy, that's way bigger. You and Ryan Gosling have to get a Gosling. I like this. Maybe Gosling's who's giving you the duck. Oh,

that's good. That's fun. Get a duck from Ryan Gosling. Yeah. Raise it as your own. Absolutely love that. This is another positive one. I love it gang. Because like you're gonna raise this duck and you're gonna learn that like you know what they're a little trouble but they come up with some really fun ideas. I just I write down the sentences these days so I just wrote sentence get a duck. Yeah, it feels like. From Gosling. That feels yeah, from Ryan Gosling. I think also if your players see the duck at the table it's gonna make it more real.

They're not gonna want to throw the ducks as much. They're gonna work with them. That's actually an added benefit. This will put a stop to the mighty duck hook because yeah, you're not gonna look at a duck in the eyes and then narrate how your Goliath chucks one at a coping test. I saw a person on the streets of LA

park their car and get out of the car and they were holding a duck onto their hand. So I think that this has already happened. Yeah. I think that the duck punishment has precedent. Yeah, for sure. How? And it looks like they were holding a duck onto their hand. So I think that this has already happened. Yeah. I think that the duck punishment has precedent. Yeah, for sure. How? And it looks like they were pretty far along

in their treatment because they were getting along super well with this duck. This duck was very calm, very placid duck. That was clearly another DM that had done the same thing. Yeah, that's awesome. I love to cite precedent. I'm glad we're citing precedent in this word. Absolutely.

I could love it. I was worried that we wouldn't so ordered. Our next case is from Gene C. May it please the beautiful justices and the lowly but charming Baylor. Thanks, I guess. My party recently had a quite violent PVP. My player was brought to zero by a player,

character who then killed my adoptive snake, Godson. This was done to try to get some powerful relics that I was carrying. The player was who instigated it, says that it was a natural progression after some evil choices by his character, but the rest of the party felt like the character went a bit power-hungry by murdering their fellow player characters very quickly. However, he had been coming more evil, which we did notice, but let's slide. So he feels that this was telegraphed, and we could have just given him the artifacts, or shared them between us to get power.

They belonged to the aforementioned snake godson. This character has now become an NPC, and the player has rejoined the party with a new character, but I'm having a difficult time playing in a friendly manner with this new character, as I personally am kind of mad at the player himself. Are my feelings on this valid? I miss my snake's son. Yeah and that's that's it. This is a tough one. I love the animal theme of all of these questions. I do I think I zero in. We got bird barred duck duck, throw, cat mount, and now snake sun. Yeah, the thing about this one is that you hear snake familiar. Okay, you're nodding your head, you like it.

You hear snake sun, you're like pretty much better like that, like where this is headed. You're snake god-son and you're like, I will defend them with my life. This is a very special relationship that's not often explored. Yeah, that's true. That means a snake trusted you enough to make their offspring your charge, basically. Exactly, I'm like, we don't know all of the details here. Like, is this person fully in charge of the snake?

Like, has this snake's parents died? Mm-hmm. I don't need to know everything. I feel like anytime you do PV, like player versus player and someone dies, that feels insane to me. Does that happen a lot? I don't, maybe I'm, I think playing for podcasts

sometimes like colors my world view of reality. Like does this happen at a normal table? Have you all experienced this? I have not. No. Usually the people I'm playing with we're all trying to sort of match each other's energy and like be on the same team and if we're doing like characters

like if the parties go and evil we're all going evil or... Yeah, yeah. I always play with cuties. I feel like I'm always playing with like cuties and sweeties that like are all of the same mind like you said. We just want to play pretend with our friends. Exactly. Yeah. And you've killed my fucking god son. all of the same mind, like you said. We just want to play pretend with our friends. Exactly. Yeah. And you've played.

You've killed my fucking gut son. It feels very like playing pretend in elementary school. Yeah. Betrayal is like the coolest thing you can think of. And I guess here's my question. And like maybe this was mentioned in the, I was gonna say the article, it's not an article. In the articles when they're introduced to the court.

That's true. Yeah. Read it back. Was this person working in conjunction with the DM? Like, was the DM aware that this was gonna happen that this turn was coming? Is it feel like, yeah, it does not, it does not appear so. But there is a post script that mentions the DM has assured me, there will be no more PVP when I said it made me uncomfortable after this event.

Okay, all right. Yeah. So that's, you definitely did the right thing by telling the DM that you were low key, not cool with what you were. Yeah. Because I can see like as a DM, like that's a fun idea,

like having one character like turn and kind of like be, you know, working to help you carry out your, your like evil characters. Yeah, but if you're gonna, if you're gonna do that, if you're the character doing that, you have to think about the repercussions. Like you can just come back to the table and be like,

I'm a new character. His name is Charlie. He's a nice guy. He has a nice guy. I swear. You can trust him. Yeah, he loves snakes. Oh, Charlie's going down a darker path.

This is my new character, Charlie. And he has two snakes on. He loves them. They're twins. It's happening again. Charlie's mad at you. This is my new character Charlie and he has two snake sons. He loves them. They're twins. It's happening again. Charlie is mad at you. It's rough.

It's hard. Like, feels like the sort of thing you should probably check with the players beforehand as the DM. Just be like, Hey, do you guys want there to be PVP stuff that happens or no? Yeah, yeah, I think I would fucking not like that at all. If I was playing like, all right, how do we get into this tower? Uh-oh, you're hitting me. What?

What happened? This happens when a mirror gets it on the podcast. It's true, it felt bad. Yeah, it felt it was fucking weird. We're all playing together and then all of a sudden a like I'm gonna hit Jake like what are you doing man? What the fuck? Yeah, yeah, I can't I think if this was like or orchestrated by the DM or if they were in on it together I could maybe forgive it

But if this figure's like fully acting on their own and then like goes out of their way to kill your snake godson That that feels like a bridge too far, but again I don't know I don't want to give a harsh punishment here because it does seem like they're working god son. That feels like a bridge too far, but again, I don't know, I don't wanna give a harsh punch when he or because it does seem like they're working on this. Like it feels like they're already rehabilitating a little bit. The player that killed the snake. Well, the table, it seems like, you know, they discuss

that like maybe this was like a step too far, where you're gonna work on this. This is, this still needs to be made right in my eyes. Okay, okay. I think the snake should come back as a ghost. I think this snake shouldn't be lost forever. Yeah, there's gotta be a quest to resurrect the snake, God. Yeah, yeah.

Because that's like, when you have a God child, you're fucking, it's your purpose is to protect it. Yeah, it's crazy to take this. Because when you have a child, like, you have to protect the person. There's a God, son. No, it's not, not tell you why. Because the kid has godparents.

They got the second set. Yeah, well with godparents, like somebody came up to you and said like, Hey, if I die, you have to take care of this kid. I have that in legal writing that you have to do this. Really? With Sid's godparents. She doesn't have any godparents because we're not committing to that shit. I'm not putting that burden on someone.

I'll do it. You'll do it. Here live on the podcast. I have, I don't know why I was doing this, but for a long time on Me and Amir's podcast, I was saying I wasn't a God child, so I'm a Godfather, right? So I was asking for God children,

and a lot of people made me a Godfather. Oh, wow. So this is just one more fucking 14 God children. And none of them are snakes. My collection of God children. Okay, alternatively. Uh-huh.

Going with a theme, get a real snake. Yeah. Okay. I think you think that the person that killed, the player that killed the other player's snake has to buy them a snake? Just that person has to, the person who killed the snake has to get a real snake

and take care of that snake. Live by the snake, die by the snake. You can, they gotta learn, they gotta learn, they gotta learn to love that snake and go, dang, I was wrong, I do love the snake. And then that snake is gonna be taken away from you. And then when they love it the most, the DM has the right to come in and kill that snake. Yeah, they have to watch that real snake get murdered in front. Well first the DM has to beat them up so they can't protect the snake right?

IRL you get beat up in real life and while you're Hunched over on the ground you watch the snake that you've taken care of And I do think that the person should say it had to be this way So if you can get us your DMs address so that we can send them a golden broad axe that they can use to kill your snake. We should also send them a snake. Or you can kill the snake if you want. You can go to the snake if you want.

Let me see if I can buy a snake online. You can definitely buy a snake. You can add it. You can add it. Okay. One of my friends is a snake breeder. What? Yeah.

How many they got? She has a room full of snakes. How many snakes is in a room full of snakes? I think she has like 20. Is that all right? So if you've got 20 snakes in your room, is that like too many snakes or is like are there room for more snakes in there? Well because then she is. You know, it's a cat so do you.

Yeah, I've wrinkled by a snake. You've got to be like animal crossing style. Like how many squares are left? Okay, so you know when you go fishing, and then outside of your house, you just start putting the fish there, because you don't got room in your house or those, all those fish. Yeah, you basically have an aquarium, eventually.

Correct, yes. She has that, just picture that, but inside. And with a lot of heating lamps. So she's just got a reptile room. Yeah, she's a reptile room. Okay, I thought you could buy a snake online on eBay, but it looks like this person is just selling the skin that the snake has. Oh, which I think is an equally good punishment. Okay, I have the snake skin for $49.99 on eBay. It also is, it looks like $9.08.40 with shipping. I mean, that is a deal, that

is a deal in a steal. Yeah. And that looks like I'm seeing the picture, that's a big snake, so that's a lot of skin. A lot of skin. There's a lot of asterisks here that says, this auction is not for a life snake, it's just a skin-medic shed. Why is everyone so mad at me? It's not a real snake, guys. I'm not responding anyone else, okay?

For the last time. It's just the skin. So you could build a weird sock. I don't know. I do feel like I need to say in the spirit of being court, I do not condone killing your friend's snake. So you should not go kill your friend's snake. You should not harm an animal.

Do not harm an animal please. Yes, I think you also probably shouldn't get a duck with Ryan Gosling. I feel like that's too much. I feel like you've Ryan Gosling. If you've Ryan Gosling's into it, that's too much. I feel like if Ryan Gosling is in to it, I think. Yeah, I feel like you can be good with the duck. Then maybe just the addendum is to don't harass him. I want to get the courts temperature on this.

If Ryan Gosling comes up to you and he's just like, Hey, I'm in way over my head with the duck. Just come with continued acquaintance and friendship with Ryan Gosling. Because I'm not going to just help him unload a responsibility and then he fucking goes off and like, covorts with- I get one line and whatever. One line in his next movie.

You're definitely like getting Gosling's phone number for this exchange, right? And what, what, he's like, hey, and like, send me photos of like, what you do with the duck. Yeah. And I'll be like, oh, tight. And yeah, and then if you like,

if he starts like being slow to respond and he just starts liking a photo and not being like always giving you a Awesome, you guys went to the beach, but like I want yeah if he starts giving me thumbs up I'm finding him and me like yo, you're taking this back, you know Well, then the move that you can do is that you like hey this duck has a problem You got more duck experience than me. I have a question about the duck, and then you start using that. And then you're like, by the way, I saw your movie, whatever it is at the time,

and you're like, good job. And that's how you get in is like slow conversation. That's cool. What were you feeding the duck? And what was your workout in place beyond the pie? I didn't even know that. What were you eating then, man? I'm not.

Tell me everything. I really like that you delivered the slime It's crazy. I just feel like yeah really sick You duck died six months ago I took all these photos in one wild weekend with the duck Hey Ryan, do you replace ducks what you're what you're carrying? I just feel like Horace would want me to be in Blade Runner 2 Or Blade Runner 3. Can I get a plus six for the premiere? I can do a cool robot voice. Have me in Blade Runner

That's what the rep minute was right. Yeah, they speak like robots, right? I am a rap that can see it's good Decorate no do not delete me right ever read the book. Yeah, add It's good. Decorate, no, do not delete me. Right, I've read the book. Yeah. Add an adornous to this thread, please. It is like tears in the rain. See, I can do it. Ryan, please. Also, please replace this duck. He's so sick. You gotta give me a new duck, Ryan.

I'm doing you a favor, buddy. Jesus. So I'm gonna talk to Nick Skin, are we giving this player? We've started talking about ducks. I think bring it back around. Bring it back, yeah. We want to be safe.

We don't want any animal cruelty. This is a snake skin, anyway. Yeah, purchase the snake skin, anyway. They have to wear the snake skin when they play this new skin. Punishment sauce. as a reminder. Also, whatever quest they're doing has to go on hold until they kill this NPC and resurrect the snake godson.

Yeah, I think you want to, I want to be in touch with your DM and be like, you should have a snake. Wait, it's way too late to ask this question, but it's snake god's son or snake godson. Godson. Godson. Cool. Just not god's son. Just clarifying. It could be both, I guess. Right. It could be a snake god that died and it's a snake god's son who's also my god's son. It was an adoptive snake god's son. Okay. Great. Just wanted to make sure that was clear. It is

from a god. Yeah. All right. cool. We praise transparency in this court. Very good. All right, so ordered, I guess. And that is all the cases we have. Yeah, that's it. So that brings this courtroom is adjourned, I guess. We'd love you guys to plug anything you have going on. Well, catch Nathan and I on Drawfee Show on YouTube.

Yeah. If you're into mysteries roleplaying mysteries watch Drawtactives season two is out now you don't need to watch season one to get what's going on It's easy to but you should because it's really good. Yeah, but you should because it's it's a wild time You've got a patreon for that. We got that. Boy. Oh my god. Say that you are. Say it nice and slow for everybody patreon.com Foward slash Druffy forward slash forward slash back slash forward slash slash it's a slash it's gotta be a bat

Try the forward slash Work do you know what just treat yourself use a forward slash a row and a while it's gonna fun I took myself up cuz I started doing a voice like this is nothing it's Would not sound as good in that voice. The forward slash. It's true. Forward, forward slash. I even tripped over it. Forward slash when you say like that does sound like a ski move or something that you do on the slopes. Yeah, you got to do the pizza. Pizza to forward slash. You got to do the pizza and then the forward slash. There's the only way. The forward slash is a Ackaxe favorite attack. Oh my God.

Let's kill Ackaxe one more time. You can close out the session. All right, well, thanks again to Julia Nathan. We'll have some bonus cases with Julia Nathan. If you guys want some more over at patreon.com, slash nad pod, don't see Coltwell. Don't do it. You can follow everybody on

social media called well is at called the i'm at jay kyrwits i'm at at nathan yafi and i'm at julio lepetit thanks also follow uh... at drowfyshow as well yes and you can tweet about the show using hashtag nad pod that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d we are we are youth of the nation. We are, we are, youth of the nation. I was just, I was just happening that I was having a happy listen. Yeah, I'm glad it was a surprise.

That's enough. Thanks. It's the end of the show, everyone, and you know what that means. It's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Oh, benevolent, you really are. Starting with Brad D. Jeffrey S. Holdur Fras back. Steelbreaker and Matt M. Soapsmiths of the Underdog. These squeaky clean sages can create a bar of soap that's malleable enough to copy a key yet strong enough to mold it into metal.

Just don't try bathing with it, you will die. Jordan DJ, Cutter W, Gybe G, Dylan B, and Dungeon Mama. Pickpockets who attach bars of soap to their feet to help them make clean getaways. This maneuver doesn't actually work, but while the guards are laughing at how dumb it looks, they throw smoke bomb and escape for real. Danielle, the Dastardly Dame, Andrew M, Beard Mandan,

Scott D and Danny P, the re-rollers, and elite squad of DMs who intimidate problem players into changing their class or character to better fit the party composition. They are currently tracking Ack Ack's location and preparing their next move. Mixologist Michael McD, Vincent W, Victor T. Boundores Boy, and Andrew Burr. The Critter Court, a group of animal lovers who make sure all the supreme crit judgments involving animals are fair and equitable.

Even they said it was fine to kill Ack-Ack. Just an eye, Ragnar Ferdwin, T.J.M. the Noembarberian, Elena M. and Trayla the Cray-Fay. Members of Nicholas B's party who have started to take advantage of the duck crown. Each of them wears a cape of feathers and wields a blade made of duck beaks that even referred to D&D-S duck-send dragons, sorry gang, but we're ruling with a DM on this one.

Jared E. Austin Bonesaw MR. Damien R. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobold and Cage M. Ryan Gosling's personal duck breeders turns out the reason he gave away his pet duck is because he already had a flock. Despite his name, the man loves ducklings. Filbert the fabulous Richard X Machina, Michael L. Trest the traveler and Sir Carl. Ryan Gosling's personal geese eaters. If the goose gets within 10 yards of him, these trained hunters capture it, drive it 50 miles

away, then toss it out of the truck. Again, despite his name, Ryan loves ducklings and absolutely despises geese. Weird, but true. But true, Jory S. Calum L. Jack L. Flawless Well and Sam L. Ryan Gosling's personal swan big goners to Ryan swans are basically geese and as such can't stand them to that end he's hired a squad to make sure any swan never enters near his vision I know it's weird but I swear I'm not making any of this up. Nicholas C. Mike H. Udish-Millley! The baby-brongs-dragon, Matthew E. and Colton B. These folks run the coffee trucks outside the Supreme Crit and are ultimately the ones responsible

when the judges get too hopped up on caffeine and sentence people to death. Megan S. Nabajar, Panama James, Cummins the Bard, and Captain Citroën! Justices from the lower crit, waiting in the wings for a supreme crit justice to abstain again so they can take the bench. Nathan C. Grace G. Diana, C.C. Lulu and Barnes and Adder, Baylif Jake's Jim buddies who motivate him by telling him he's lowly every time he sits

down at the bench to bench press. Bring it on, haters! Michelle O. Alex W. Timmy R. Jonathan W. The Crock-Waring Warrior. Lucas B. and Aaron S. Ryan Gosling's Goslings. These Goslings are fed exactly what Gosling eats. Nine protein shakes a day. They're jacked geese It's Kevin by Onik Pookie, New York, KDW, Cass and Steven C People who bought what they thought was a live snake on eBay only to find out it was actually only snake skin And when they went to return

it, the skin turned into dust in their hands. Not cool! Michael M. Mike K. Joy T. Nick W. Taylor A. and Esmi M. Prisoners of the Drow who actually have a ton of copies of the keys, but they're just kind of into how cool and dank it is down here. Kelsey C. Nathan, Kazamere the all-knowing, big beard of the mad, Eric McDee and giant monsters on the horizon. Locksmiths who exclusively use soap to make new keys.

It's time consuming expensive and their keys often break, but at least it's a lot of effort. Gully, a duel, a thruff, burly tea. Jay Dragonborn, Joro the unapprope, and Cody B. Rogues who have never in their life paid for a bar of soap. They will just take a melty half-used bar out of the bathroom before you even notice. That's how good Rogues are at stealing soap. Liam D. The Sandrian. Ben A. Dave H. and Koala Bear.

Celestial snake angels who have adopted John C's dead snake, Godson. Whenever you see a shooting star, that's John C's slithering amongst the cosmos and eating rats the size of planets. Catherine S. David K. Christian S. Dustin S. Keith Gaye and Conor F. The owners of Paintball V. Paintball, a pocket dimension paintball course that players can use as an alternative to PVP. You can still kill each other in this pocket dimension, but be warned, the fine is steep. Kyle H. The Time Walker.

Emilio D. Two Left Eyes. DPC is awesome. Blair, the Bunk Blair, Barb Blair, and and Perk Chop. A group of Catboys who ride giant cat mounts instead of horses. They also dress up as Catboys in their spare time, which is personally enriching for them, but deeply confusing for the cows. Chanel M. Thomas B. Velacy Raptor.

Minette F. Pat L. and A Chuth-A. The Council of Nerf. These season DMs are responsible for judging whether player spells or items are OP. Their commitment is unwavering. Their rulings ironclad. Their gavils, however, squishy and made a phone. Lauren H. David M. Joshua Dealyas Hawthorne, Alex H. and The eldest Barry. A guild of locksmiths who have invented a key that can't be duplicated by soap mold. Turns out the trick was just to make the guards keep the keys in their pocket. Hingingus. Ryan S. the Bone Duster.

Robert Crisp. Brent Lee C. and Micah B. Former Olympic shot putters who wanted an extra challenge, thus the international phenomenon of duck hooking was born. Ploups, Carlyanne, Laurie P, Seth AJ, spam gaming, the not-so-skilled gamer, demonic birds who crafted the duck crown. They swore never to let it fall into the wrong hands, but then got distracted by a bunch of breadcrumbs and dropped it into a portal. Oops!

Connor Savage, Christopher J. Pippelpuck, P. Leviathan, and Bioquart Seven, a band of bagpipers hired by the two crew to accompany every session. They play a solemn durg every time someone rolls a nap one. It lasts over 10 minutes and is almost impossible to edit out of every episode. Sorry, Merv, but it really sets the tone. Remington CD Amber Dexterous, thrill of the fright, Sullivan H.N. Trab, hop dropper. Some of Baylor's herwits' many God children, due to a contractual loophole he is legally obligated to pay for all their college tuition.

How thoughtful! Sydney T. Matt Y. Alex C. Lindsay W. Champ Wilde and Vailin! Bagpipe teachers who are tasked with teaching Ackhack how to play the bagpipes.

He has some raw ability, but he keeps trying to stab them, which is an ideal. Sprite Pepsi, Carlin C, Jake, Sessie A, and Matthew J, members of Heidi's table who are all irate, they have to listen to the bagpipes at the beginning AND end of every session, except for Cessi, who's kind of into it. TRAP, NOAA, Estelle, Baron S. Soashton's romance partner from the Baronies conflicted DM and Justin LB. French chefs, who also use a crown of duck summoning to keep their restaurant

chock full of their signature duck dish. The crown ultimately kills more ducks, but it is tastier. Dandy, Jennifer R, Clifton A, Richard G, M, Barber, and Marcus P. Farmers who are all confused at Ryan Gosling's presence at the Firmers market, but they better get used to it. Gosling's Goslings is a thriving business in its here to stay. Pup-Kailish, Gabriel M. learns the balance druid, Dakota JP, and Pagos, self-proclaimed Faye Prince. Snake's at their family reunion who are all wondering where Jean C's snake godson is. Oh my god, if we get bad news for y'all.

Tracy P, the Crick-Elf Librarian, Andy E, Scrumpey, Bogpipe, Holly Hyena, and Anthony A. Players who monitor PvP battles at the table, enc someone rules lawyers and are eager to argue cases in front of the Supreme Crit but unfortunately we have a strict no rules lawyer rule. Abigail, maybe, egg infinitum, sloth king 777, Cal can't commit and Commodore. Ryan Gossling's eggs. Ryan is eager to raise these young Goslings and love them like his own children, but Ryan is also hungry for an omelet. Edison N, Russell H, NEOs, Laura R, and Kira. Ackax Bard College professors. They would all be equally horrified to see him

ignoring everything he learned at Bard School, especially healing word. Logan H. Sean G. Morgan M. Sticker, who I wonder if you are someone that I met at the live show last week if so hi. And Zachary A.

A team of contractors currently building a pond at Ryan Gosling's house. He won't tell them what it's for, but we all know. And that's it. Thank you all. You are all so good to us and we love you so much. So here's a little kiss. Muah! Goodbye, Sweeties. That was a hit gun podcast.