Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Helm Hammerhand, Skinny Holes, and Rolling for Dinner

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

Welcome to Dungeon Court! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner, Axford and Honestly Kinda Sexy Bailiff Hurwitz as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!Get tickets to our upcoming shows at Naddpod.com/Live!EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/naddpod Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Grace Harper ( IG: @chorlesborkley) and Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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We are your Supreme Crit Justices, Murphy, Axford and Tanner, joined as always by the, how are we feeling about Jake this week? We love him. We love him. We love him. We love him. We have a crush on him actually. We have a problem with how much we love him. Yeah, it's kind of a fighting over him.

And then we need to back the fuck off Jake. We are joined by my friend, Baylor of Jake Herwitz. Hey, thank you. Your friend, that's funny. That's really funny. Yeah, he actually hung out more after last recording than you did called with him. Oh.F.J. Courwitz. Hey, thank you. Your friend. That's funny. That's really funny. Yeah.

He actually hung out more after Lash Recording than you did called with me. So, he and Jake actually got a lot of time together. Yes. Fight for me. I had to take my family to Thanksgiving. What was Jake doing? And with that, here, me, he, Crate is now in session, the honorable Supreme Crate Justices,

Axford Murphy and Tanner are presiding. Shall we leap right into it with our first case? Whatever you want, Best Bud. Okay, cool. Yeah, let's then, yeah, why don't we do it? This feels nice, I feel really good. Yeah, and you're also doing a really great job, Jake. I don't know.

Here's the thing though, is Jake likes, you know, like a reciprocal relationship, like a little guidance, like your own opinion. So Jake, Jake. Here's the thing though is Jake likes, you know, like a reciprocal relationship, like a little guidance, like your own opinion. So Jake, I think it's time to do. Ooh. I think he's just like putting words into Jake's mouth. That's true too. I don't know.

Wow. Jake, you're handling all this attention really well. Really? Do you think so? Cause yeah, something doesn't sound like that. I wanna kiss your feet, dude. Oh. Cold-wo wins. really well. Really? Do you think so? Because yes, I'm just saying. I want to kiss your feet, dude. Called WoWin!

Okay, Stories Podcast aka Harks writes in and they say, Supreme Justices and the J-man himself. himself. I present to you the case of the girlfriend versus Helm Hammerhand. I played a session of D&D with my girlfriend and some friends where we defended a keep. After the session, I was jazzed up and wanted to keep my excitement going by watching the Siege of Helm's Deep in two towers. Okay.

Princessies, did you know Vigo really broke his toe? We've never talked about this. We've never talked about this. Did you know? Did you also know he kept the horse? Did you know that? I think that's arguably a cooler fact. Is there a third Vigo fact though?

Is there a third Vigo fact? You need more than the Vigo toe? Yeah. The Vigo toe gets me almost across the line. That's a no-go for the Vigo toe. I don't get to full climax with just two Vigo facts. So I'm going to be looking up Vigo facts. Yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, just sort of space out for the rest of the episode. Like a real judge. My girlfriend wanted to go to bed. I told her I was going to stay up and watch something and she said, just watch it in bed so we can cuddle and she can go to sleep. Well, we lay down and I put on the movie skipping to the Helm's deep part. She seemed a little annoyed by the battle sounds in the war trumpets, but she completely lost it when Gimli blew the horn of Helm Hammerhand and it was pretty loud.

She asked, what the hell was I doing? And I said, I was watching a movie in bed, like she asked. I turned it off rather than arguing, because I'm not that much of a psychopath. But my girlfriend told her family this story at Thanksgiving, and it all took me to the raspberry patch. I maintained she told me to watch it in bed, in my wrong. I mean, I love your vibe.

Oh my God, I love this. And I love that you got razz, yeah. I love this little tiptoe into Miss Manners vibe. I really like that you established the baseline that you're not a psychopath. I feel like we need more people to do that just to like give us one personal detail about themselves that lets us know that they are in fact, not fully crazy.

Right. I've also gotten fully just taken down to the old raspberry patch by my wife's family. So I get this. I think that it just comes with the territory a little bit. You got to just accept the fact that it's easy points for your in law family. It's easy points for your partner just to like slam dunk your ass in front of like her beloved family and friends. I also think that getting taken to the Raspberry patch by your in-laws is the ultimate sign that they like you. That's acceptance right there.

Right now. But I think here's the deal. The question really is, was it okay to watch the Battle of Helms deep in bed? I think you are fully, you are not wrong in this situation. She said just watch it in bed and we'll cuddle. I mean, you put on headphones. I was gonna say, there's a couple missing things here. I wonder, I wonder about headphones. The detail of losing it when the horn is blown. It just really makes me laugh. I'm just like, think that and the horn of hell

and hammer hand will sound in the deep one last time. I'm glad you said that you're not a psycho path because at one point I was like, this person is a copy pasta. This is not a real story. But I feel like the details though of she lost it when the horn was blown. I'm like, all right, I actually believe this. Yeah. Well, it's like the equivalent of like the fire alarm

going off and you're right about to fall asleep. Like there's a lot of like ambient noise. I feel like in that scene, you know, there's a lot of like hammering of swords and yelling, but that's all kind of like blending together. And then I feel like the sounds all cut out. Yeah, but like honestly, the rainfall and the speaking in Elvin, that would put me to bed. Oh yeah, that would be nice. It's the horn of the at-home hammerhead. Yeah, that'll really do it. We often read between the lines, right?

In this, and that's kind of a theme. And I'm gonna read between the lines and say, is it possible that the reason that the headphones were not put in the ears was because the girlfriend was on them and they would have had to push the girlfriend off. Oh, because they were. So it could have been a currency thing. Cause I do that for my cast.

Yeah, cause she seemed like she wanted some quality time. They were actively cuddling. The purpose of bringing the movie to bed was to cuddle. Right. And are you gonna, are you gonna interrupt the cuddle to put in headphones? Which I'm gonna say right now. I'm gonna say right now,

I'm gonna stabilize staying up late by yourself and fast-forwarding to a siege of Helm's team. That was your first mistake. Yeah. Yeah, because you're pumped, you're pumped, right? And you wanted to stay pumped. I want to stay up and play Super Smash Bros. And I was like, actually, you should do that in bed.

Well, I fall asleep. That would be a fun premise. Right. Although I guess then if when Ness is screaming PK fire, if you've gotten mad at me, I think I would be like, what did you, what did you expect? Yeah. I mean, if you get home run bad, it in that game, I think I would be like, what did you expect? Yeah, that's what I was saying.

If you get home run bad in that game, it's the loudest fucking noise in the world. Just like, oh, yeah, that's gonna wake anyone up. I feel like only you can know if your girlfriend is like good nature, rousing you versus like actually mad. If she's actually mad, I think that's excessive. But if she's good, yeah. If she's just turning this into like a fun couple story to share it Thanksgiving,

yeah, I feel like, you know, let her have that. I think you should have continued watching the movie. I think you should have finished the scene, much like Vigo did when he chipped his tooth during the filming of The Battle of Helms. Did he really chip it though? He chipped his tooth. He also broke the toe.

That's not very arrogant of him at all. Yeah. Okay, I think I actually am really feeling everyone in this question. So I think I'm just, I'm looking to join your family. It seems like just some good old fashioned fun. We're gonna have to. It's good old fashioned fun, but I have the perfect punishment.

So I'm gonna vote for punishing it. Okay, okay. I'm gonna say, yeah, I mean, I think that you're correct in that you got the okay to watch the Battle of Helm's Deep in the Bad. You got the invitation. You got the invitation. You didn't ask. You were invited.

I also, but I feel like the question is, like, should her family raz me for this? And I do think you should get razed. They were very straight up about what was going on. They were like, I'm gonna stay up and watch something. If you had said, I'm gonna stay up and watch the battle of her steep, they're gonna be clanging it back. And like, okay, maybe, okay, you better go down.

How about this, I've got a punishment that's also a gift. Which is the holiday season. Yeah, I think that the girlfriend here, the holiday season, it's the holiday season. Yeah, I think that the girlfriend here I'll never let that die Call well call well's gift that keeps on giving is the invention of the phrase Holiday may all of your days be prickly and bright I Think that your girlfriend should get you a working replica of the the hammer-helm horn of Helm's deep

working replica of the the Hammerhelm horn of Helm's Deep. And she should award it to you one morning unbeknownst to you by waking you up by blowing it right in your face. You know what? I love it. That's great. Everyone's everyone wins. Everyone wins. Everyone's taking some responsibility. Yeah. And also we're all gonna dissolve our marriages and bury your single aunts and uncles. Yeah, because we want to be very part of this. I'm pretty mere bud. What about that? Jake is gonna join your family. Yeah, I'm gonna branch out into polyamory and stay married to Seuss, but also marry into

your family. Great. Yeah, you're gonna have a bunch of uncles and yawts. Whoa, how are we gonna discover young and not discover how pleasing it is to say y'all Young girls and young ladies and gentlemen watch out. We got a couple of young girls and y'all on the bral Just picture a yacht full of y'alls Whoa this yacht y'all would have like we would be like We'd be blasting the food.

All beyond just thirsty for roll. If this yoncer rock and don't come, do come a knockin. Yeah. Come is undercut. Oh my God. So yordered. So yordered. Next case comes from Max P. Max writes, to the wise bailiff, whoa,

and Paul Pau's legal counsel. I present the case of persuasion versus intimidation. I was taming a scene with one of the party's favorite NPCs. Their goal was to tease information out of him that he was reluctant to give over. Everyone was having a good time finding tactics and making different checks to win the NPC over. Things shifted when one of the players made a direct threat at the NPC, natural intimidation, because they had a really high bonus to it. I told them they could, and it worked if they passed, but it would have a really high bonus to it. I told them they could and it worked if they passed But it would have a really bad impact on the party's friendship with this NPC

Hmm. They countered saying that their close bond should be able to sustain one intimidation role I asked the court and should making a direct threat at an NPC ruin their relationship with them or as my player right in saying their friendship Come on. No, no, you should do this. You should help us raid this fortress. You should do it. Oh fucking killing you. You don't do it. If any of my friends ever physically threatened me, they were gonna beat me up. What are you going to do about the one threat? Yeah. The one threat is it's over.

Okay. I think if I'm surrounded by my friends and they're all persuading me to do something and then someone like says they're gonna kill me, I'm gonna treat that as a joke until the knife is pulled. So like this had to have been a very serious threat for it to like register as a threat. Yeah. I think that like, look,

if they really are invested in repairing this NPC relationship, they can, but they're gonna have to grovel for it. Yeah. They're gonna have to work. Maybe if they crit on a persuasion check to forgive them, then maybe you can do that, but I think you're gonna have to put in some work, rebuild some trust. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. And on D&D, I'd just assume part ways. Yeah. It sounds like they didn't even go through with it. It sounds like the DM successfully talked to them out of it, but the DM saying, this player's giving me shit. Okay. Was I right?

And I think you were. I think you were, right? Yeah. Yeah. I understand where this player is coming from though, to give the necessary generous read, which is that everyone's got their cool stuff they can do. And this person's like very good in intimidation. I'm like, wanted to try it out. They wanted to like

kind of get in on the fun as it were. But the fact that they're like still sore about it is that's really what kind of rubs me. I think it actively makes me laugh to think of physically intimidating someone not affect your friendship. So that's just like, so especially when it's already like friendly and everything. It's like everyone's playing volleyball or something. Did you stab the ball with a knife and go,

no! It's another thing to ruin the mood. Like it's one thing if it's like, okay, my character has to persuade this person, but it's like, okay, I'm going to get in on it. Everyone is having a good time. Everyone's being lighthearted. Well, I'll threaten the guy.

Why not? And you know, the funny thing would be that you could just make it that it only fucks up the NPC relationship with that one player. Yeah, that's so funny. Just doesn't trust that we're really one. That's a fun relationship to repair for sure. Percessions down the line, I love that.

The MBC is like always cornering other people and being like, Chad kind of sucks, right? Are you friends with that guy? He's a psycho. He's psychotic. He's slamming around. Yeah. Put his hand on my throat.

He's like, did you guys think it was kind of weird when he threatened me? That was nuts. He said my full address. Yeah. No, this is weird. It's also, I hate, when people are like, weirdly, like, min-maxing combat doesn't really bother me

because it's already like, I don't know. At that point when you're in a fight, it's like, you're basically just like breaking out the battle mat, it's like war hammer time, you know what I mean. But when min-maxing a social interaction, or action is just annoying to me. It's like, you don't, somebody high-end deception shouldn't like lie to a character that they wanna have

a genuine relationship with just because their deception is good. I think it makes sense to be like, in a social interaction, oh, let's send this guy, his persuasion is the best, right? Because that's what you would do in real life. And the three of us are here. Yoni's the most charismatic. Let's send him forward. You know, he's going to be able to smooth the situation. But being like, you know what? Actually, I'll just like completely abandon this social encounter to yeah, yeah, I think you did, you did the the right thing which is just lay out the situation

just be like hey just so you know if you do this there's gonna be a shift they did say I will allow this to work but it's gonna affect things moving forward you gave your player a choice which I feel like on this court so we've tried DMs that don't do that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah done well yeah there is a world where somebody like, I tried it intimidation because I have better intimidation. And then the NPC ran away or something like that. And I still think you'd be right. I still think you'd be right in that situation. But I could see why the player would be like, ah, fuck, I fucked up. I was just trying to use my better ability. So we should sentence the player then. Yeah, yeah. We're all agreed. I would say, I'm just going to like throw out an idea here.

They have to sleep for a week with the Lord of the Rings director's cuts, playering in the background. Oh, that's good. Lord of the Rings, all the fights. Simultaneously? Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, so like three TVs. Three TV. We go Morton's in gonna have to call you up and threaten you.

Not the DMV player. The player's gotta be the rest of the team. I'm out of his chip tooth. So he whistles a little bit when he's doing it. She what I got this. She's got this at the Battle of Helms. Yeah. He's gonna threaten you by saying he's going to almost drown you like you did during the scene where air-grown floats unconscious in the river He was pulled underwater by the weight of his costume. Oh my god. Yeah, this movie was so dangerous for this man to make what? Yeah, Viga went through it. Vigo fucking went through it y'all. We knew we're gonna do retired after yeah No wonder you retired after the Did it retired he never acted again went out on top

Well, he was so busy personally calling people to threaten their lives Yeah, he just says cameo, but for threats Oh That's a great idea. Yeah, yeah, it's a good idea for an app. Just get yelled at by a celebrity. Yeah. Yeah. Get me over the thread. I would like Liam Nees and the threat to kill me. I'd say it's a special set of skills.

I feel like yeah, he's gonna be like kind of the flagship member of this platform. But then like there's other people that I think can like really do a good threat. For sure. Okay, so we have a new business idea and You have a punishment. Oh We could also we could also put us this person to start this business for us do all the unfun part

Yeah, starting this business and then and it over to us fully stopped by the government From doing this very illegal thing So set up the partnership agreement, attacks, loopholes, register the business, trademark the name and they have to do the celebrity outreach because we're gonna wanna launch with some celebrities. We're gonna need you to call Willem Defoe for us. You're gonna need to get some laws changed too.

Cause I think we probably can have celebrities called cool to call a people. That makes the- Look, that's for this player to figure out. Not us. There's probably some states where it's different. You look into it, all right? You're in business with us.

Let us know what you find out. Congrats, kid. Okay, Rachel K writes, may it please the powerful and auspicious judges and the scrap scrounging bailiff? Wow. Wow. How dare you talk to our friend like that? How dare you talk to my friend like that?

They scrap scrounging a bad thing because I do a lot of thrift shopping and it sounds like a similar. I take it as just like your scrappy, like your inventive. I think it's more so like you are like a lowly servant of the king. And like when he like tosses a bone from his sum, she was mellow out.

You like go to the ground and start to suck on the bone. Yeah. Because sometimes I go to see like a chair I like on Craigslist. And it's like really gross in person. And then I scrap it. You scrap it. And I get out of there.

You scrounge, then you scrap. You scrap it, get out of there. You're scrap, scrap, scrap, scrap, scrounging scrap it out of there. You scrap it out of there. You're scrap it out of there. You're scrap it out of there. It's the thing. I like Merp's interpretation the best on Huff With, that's it. I win this round.

I'll give you all of my bones, dude. Cold well with this round. I bring to you the case of the homebrew car. My cousin has been playing in a campaign I've DM'd on and off for several years with my other cousins. And during the entire campaign, he's pestered me to implement a magical Toyota FJ modeled after his IRL FJ in the campaign.

I'm really, really sorry, but I kind of like this. I'm against better judgment. I understand I'm wrong. It's cute to me. Yeah, I mean Toyota FJs are sick cars. He wants the car to do things like climb walls, attack enemies, unprompted. Okay, I'm off.

Traveling so you know, you knew this was coming. He needs to speed far greater than the normal speed of creatures and be able to cast its own spells. I've explained to him several times that I can't just give him an overpowered FJ, but he always counters with the idea that I can just home brew any monster to be just as overpowered as his Toyota.

How do I reconcile? How do I reconcile? Rebalance the game for my fucking mechanical familiar. Just make the monsters harder. I reconcile his wants with my desire to keep my campaign feeling balanced. I await your fair and just judgments. Okay, this person, I liked it at first

because I thought it was a little cute that someone had a connection with their car and wanted it like a little familiar. And then I was immediately out. Right. Here's where it falls apart for me. The FJ is too cool a car, I think. It looks kind of like a Range Rover. I looked at a picture of it.

It's a pretty fun car, in my opinion. Yeah, yeah. But I think that this is a wild ask. And I feel like, Mark, what do you think as a DM? If people just said, hey, just make your monsters harder. Make us more powerful, but make your monsters harder. Yeah. How does it feel?

I would push back and I would say, you maniac. You have this car in real life. Why do you need it? In the fucking pretend world. This isn't fun for anyone. You only even, you think it's funny to argue, you don't actually want this. Yeah.

I think you're right. And I would keep that a really good choice. Really going with that. And then I'd say, okay, you want your car? You want me to rebalance stuff? You want me to rebalance stuff? Great. Then you kill his car.

And then I kill his car. There you go. Whoa. You can't kill a Toyota. Yeah. You can't kill a Toyota. Yeah, you can't kill a Toyota. I'm telling you, they're very serious. I'm super-terrasque. I hate to wear.

I'm super-terrasque. Can kill a Toyota. No, no, not my Tacoma. I don't think so. You think you can kill my rap for, dude? Nothing's got to that, baby. Good fucking luck. Here's my solution here, which is like,

maybe you make them work for it. Like the car, you do Digimon rules, the car has to evolve. You start off with a really shitty car. Yeah, you can start off with a Corolla, and if you give that Corolla love and affection and care, it'll level up into it. Absolutely. And then once you've got the RAV4, then you level up again. Well, here's the thing, is that like, okay, giving him a unleveled up

Toyota. Just enter data, yeah, just give him like trick warden stats or whatever. Yeah, giving him like this Toyota that isn't leveled up. Real test if he actually wants the car. Or if he just likes to argue like Murph positive, which I do think is plausible. Yeah, what's a giving a kid a goldfish so that you can test if they're ready for a dog.

Yeah, you got to do it like that. There are vehicles in D&D. Like there's cameras, a mine car. I feel like you might be able to meet in the middle and just like give him some kind of like steampunk cool car. If you're like, Aparron or something, there might be some kind of cart or something. Did the author who wrote the question say,

what class this person was playing? I mean, they want their car to do everything. But I'm saying, that's what I'm saying. I would hold them to, like, I would be like, you need to be a certain class that it makes sense to have an overpower, a familiar. Because if you're driving around, yeah. Wait, yeah, if you're like a speed racer,

like custom home brew, and like your car has all the abilities and you're just a normal commoner. Yeah, we're on to something here. Emily's solution would solve everything because as soon as you were like, okay, we'll make the FJ work. You have to do this, this, this, and this. The cousin would just be like,

God, never mind. I don't wanna do that. I really get the addition of, and they want the car to be able to cast spells that really does make me think they're fucking the youth. They just want to be the car. They want to be the car, but also they just want to argue with you.

Maybe they do want to be the car. Maybe you could bring that up with them and be like, what if you are the car? Let's be a war for us. The problem is that there's no Toyota's in the world. It only have to be a beast master ranger but a Toyota master ranger. Right.

You want to be an actual transporter? That's what I am in real life. I think you just look at your cousin and you say, you really want this and you look really sad and you say, you got it and just sound really sad. This is what you want. This is what you want from D&D. You want to just be a magic part. You genuinely think that this is going to make the game more fun for everyone at the table.

You need to rebalance something. And you have a tear coming down your eye as you say it. And you just close the wheel of time books that you were going through. Transpiration. And you open up initial D. Yeah. Um, Murph, I think you have the solution. You know, all joking aside, I think you have the solution, which is like, you got

a shove a separate outsource through that car. Yeah. Yeah. kill their car. Kill the car. That would be really funny if you gave them the car, but then made a villain so powerful that it killed literally every other power party member. And then it was just them and their overpowered car left standing at the end.

Or introduce a villain who is a car hunter, a witcher specifically for cars, I think is what you need here. I love that. Could you do something kind of like, almost like what we did in like, as we like the fighting rings or something, we're like, almost like a one shot, just like one battle where the your players are given mounts for cars like, a demolition derby. And just one session your cousin gets to live their dream. Probably as a car.

Then I'll just spend the entire time trying to steal it. The player's just trolling. Yeah, and this isn't, it's not a real ask. Okay, so we're all, we've really tried to expand our minds to consider the proposition, but I think we're all ruling against the Toyota owner. We've side with you. Sadly, sadly. And yes, I do think that all of the other players of the table get to destroy your car. Yeah. You do get a street fighter star., you get to beat up their car. Like, you're freaking dial.

That's a little bit of a punishment for everyone else at the table because they're gonna have to use their fists. Yeah, I heard it's really bad to top off your car when you're filling it with gas. So this person just has to always do the top off. Always do the top off. I don't, but maybe that's dangerous. I don't know if it's bad or dangerous.

I don't know. Yeah, I was gonna say they could put like diesel I don't know if it's bad or dangerous. I don't know. Maybe, yeah, I was gonna say they could put like diesel gas in their car if it's not diesel, but I think that might actually be dangerous. Ooh, fill it with mayo. I was gonna say, I feel like the street fighter thing was fine, though. Yeah, now I'm, I'm thinking mayo.

They have to fill their Toyota with mayo, yeah. Hey, I can give you a ride to D&D. Full disclosure, my FJ is full of mayo. Yeah, so I don't know how long it's going to drive over there. How sick would it be if this punishment led us to discover another fuel source? Oh my god. What if this FJ just runs fucking butter smooth on me?

Oh, I'm a mayo stand. I could see it happening. 12 gallons. I love. I fucking love mayo. I'm like, I like it. Yeah. You're a hell of a scout. I like it.

I run a mail too. Not cars necessarily, but. We're kind of sandwiched. Yeah, Emily does carry a mail on the table with us all the time. Yeah, like those little things that that runners have. A little runner's here, but with mail. Yeah, you get stopped at the airport all the time, because you've just got a too much mail.

All the mail and send there. I don't know, a teaspoon of mayo in your gas tank at the end to top it off. It seems like it couldn't, it could only help. Yeah, it could only help. I think you were gaining those joints. Yeah. We should treat our cars nicer, as well as say.

Give feed your car, mayo. Feed your car, ma'am. Feed your car, ma'am. Just table, sir. Just table, sir. Just table, sir. Rob writes in, dear honorable justices and the equally, but differently, honorable bail of it. That's true.

That's right. That's right. And that's why we love them. Yeah. Thanks. I present to you the case of the oblivious Watchman. I was recently invited to join a campaign with coworkers DMed by the office receptionist.

She warned us that her campaign style was brutal and unforgiving, and I was excited by the prospect of difficult fights. I created a variant human fighter who had been the night watchman of his village before being called to adventure. To complement this background, I chose the skill expert from Tasha's and gained expertise in perception.

During our first session, I was leading our party on a mountain trail in search of orcs when I was asked to make an investigation check. Not knowing the reason, I rolled and got a 7. R.D.M. announced that I had failed to spot a hole in the trail and I fell 200 feet into a cave and died instantly. I argued that with my perception expertise, I would have noticed such a large hole and that investigation had to do

with noticing dangers in the terrain. I've even replied that since I had already rolled, it was too late to change the skill needed for the check. Was I justified in protesting my new character's death or was I an acceptable casualty of a brutal and unforgiving campaign? Oh, I love that this DM is just like, you know what? There's fucking holes everywhere.

That's just a weird, you're fucking dead. I'm gonna drop one of these motherfuckers. Some people make holes. Some people make holes. It's not even a 200- foot hole is not a hole. That's a, that's like a cliff. Yeah. Do you not notice a cliff?

That's what I love this crazy energy. Yeah, I have to imagine that the hole was like covered with leaves or some sort of like thin sticks. Could have been a trap, could have been a trap on purpose. Every, every, I love the idea that it was just a random sinkhole. Just a fucking sinkhole. I've been inviting trap on purpose. I love the idea that it was just a random sinkhole. Just a fucking sinkhole, yeah. I've been inviting someone to your campaign, warning them that it's brutal,

but then killing them the first night. I would, so if this were described a little differently, she could have gotten away with murdering her player with a hole. But I think as is, I think you're wrong. I'm also picturing it really skinny but really deep. I just think a mantle. Yeah. I just feel like a mantle that goes 200 feet now. Yeah you never put your arms out just slow yourself. Yeah. It's just the

perfect circumference of a person. Just fall forever. 200 max damage. Like isn't there an amount of falling that you hit the max? I think they've changed it so that it can be more, but originally it was 20d6. Yeah. So that, okay, so that, to me, I also liked the idea that she just off the top of her head was like, it's max damage.

Shut up. So they just like fail a check and it's like, okay, you fall into a hole. I feel like making it max damage. Let me roll something here. Yeah, you hit magma. Yeah, you just hold all the way until you hit magma and you dissolve.

So the difference between perception and investigation based on just kind of what we use it for and also just what I'm finding online right now is that perception is like the things that you see and that you notice and investigation is kind of like what you gather from that. So they could have got. So.

Oh, I really like that definition, right? It's almost like the digestion of the sensory input. Exactly. So perception for this should have definitely worked, especially if you have like, if you're a watchman, if you have expertise in this, then you should be awesome at this. Unless there was like a branch covering the,

so it's a real small, it's super tiny. It's super tiny. So if it were a trap. If it were a trap. So only a small branch would do it. Mm-hmm. It's such a skinnier hole.

You had to pencil dive to go in. So only a small branch would do it. It's such a skinny hole. You had to pencil dive to go in. It's skinny all the way down. You really had to try to follow the way down there. I think if this were a trap, she could have gotten away with it because it could have been like, oh, the people on this mountain before you

that don't want you to find them, set up some trap where if you walk up to this, there's a false floor and you fall through it. And then with a perception check, you see that there's some like leaves and snow over this one area and an investigation would tell you that it looks like a trap. So if you go to an investigation,

you still walk on it and you fall through. But since this was just a regular ass hole that they missed and fell through, I think you've been, yeah. If it's your first session with a group and you have a trap that is an insta-kill, because let's say this was a trap. If it is a trap, it's an insta-kill.

I think you gotta make the investigation check not that hard. If you're going to die, if you don't see it. To me, it feels like you would notice, at least something. You would notice, like, whether it's a hole or like it's been covered off, like, with a perception check, you would at least notice that something was off. And then the investigation would let you know

it was specifically a trap. It's always more fun to set it up for the player. So it's like you see a clearing or something like that. And then the players can decide like, if that's suspicious or if it's not, or they get to investigation checks or whatever. I do want to say I would absolutely play at this girl's table though.

It does sound like a wild card. And I like that. I mean, I guess the DM did specify that this is gonna be brutal. I feel like just going knowing like you got to have a backup character ready to go. I'm on board with that. I personally wouldn't say I'm gonna rule against her since it wasn't a trap.

That perception could have done it, but I would also play at her crazy table. Yeah, I don't think I yeah, I need to give the ruling that you need new friends. I think this seems fun, but also you were wrong. You were wrong. You were wrong. You were wrong.

In front of your co-workers, yeah. The social dynamic at this table is really funny. Maybe we sentenced this girl to run a really deathly one job for us. Ooh, I like that. I'm so curious to about this dynamic too. Like was the boss there? It'd be really fun for the receptionist just to be like,

I absolutely murder. You've all done a whole. Yeah. For goblins who are very disgruntled come up and they stab you repeatedly. Yeah, you know what? We're going gonna have to, we're gonna have to throw her FJ down a very small hole.

Oh, okay. We're gonna give her an FJ, number one. Yes, an FJ that can't climb walls like other FJs. This FJ, okay, so we say we do like the full Toyota commercial. We do like bow on the FJ. On Christmas and it's driving towards her. And then before it gets to her, it falls down a hole. This Christmas unwrap the joy of a new Toyota.

No. The Bow hub was in the air for a second. Yeah, it catches on the side for a little bit, and it looks like the car might make it, and then it rips from the bow. It plummets 200 feet. The commercial just ends with her screaming, Who took this hole? Who took this hole?

Who took this hole? They're all there. I should have investigated. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. There are a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age-old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's going to be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier.

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That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. So, you're ordered. So you're dirt. So you're okay. Our next case comes from Alexander K and they write me it. Please Jake the God of Baylif's. Whoa. Hey, that's my friend. Not your Alexander.

Back off. All right, starting off on the wrong foot. You don't have a wrong foot, Jake. I All right, starting off on the wrong foot. You don't have a wrong foot, Jake. Wow. Actually, his feet do get hurt sometimes, called well. Maybe you should consider him every once in a while. Well, maybe if you let me wrap them properly, then they wouldn't get hurt.

Jake, do you want this as a evil? Emily Winn, you're great. She knows the key to my heart. No fair, she would have read it that while we were recording. Alright, I request your judgment in the case of the dicey diet. Our group doesn't get to play too often, so we make a meal out of the occasion when we do. No. We take turns to buy takeout for our sessions.

It was my turn to provide food for the session and I had everyone in our group chat send me dice rolls for a surprise that you'll see later. Okay. Normally the person buying the food would show up and everyone would decide what to eat then whoever was paying would either get it delivered or go pick up the food.

This time I arrived to the session with the food already in hand. I'd gone to a Chinese takeout place and ordered everyone the meal whose menu number corresponded with the dice roll. They had sent... Oh no. Oh no.

Oh no. Oh no. The menu had 26 dishes and I had the roll D20, so it wasn't a perfect system, but I thought it would be fun. Now it was food for. Now it was first. It was first. It was first.

It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first.

It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first.

It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. It was first. kind of amusing. But it ended with most people swapping their meal for someone else's, and one meal didn't get eaten at all with one player who allegedly rolled a nat 20 on their menu item, complaining that no nat 20 should punish me with a meal this mile. Yeah, featuring this menu has like silverware listed as option 12. I thought it was a fun surprise idea, but I do feel bad that some people enjoyed their food less because I left it in the open dice crack. Your heart is so in the right place. And I'm just gonna keep saying that your heart don't think it is.

You were thinking imaginative, but you were trying to get your... Get back in your Please, please. Please, please, please. You're trying. You're trying. Get back in your cage, Charles. Get back in the cage, Charles. And you speak, and it was just the wrong idea. In your whole troll, was I wrong to try and spice up

meal time with some RNG? Or was it not that big of a deal? For ultimately, I'm still providing free food for everyone. It wasn't, it wasn't big deal on board. It's not free food. You guys rotate and this was your turn. Yeah. This was your turn.

That's a really good point. That's a really good point. How many free good meals have you had? If this was a true surprise and it was just when everybody showed up, you told them to send rolls and then you brought them food. That's one thing, but this is a specific thing and they just didn't get to eat their food because you got weird food. But they did get extra sides though.

So I feel like everyone at the table is being a little prissy by not honoring dice Christ's suggestions for what they should eat that night. I got your rice. Everyone got rice. Everyone got egg rolls. And then you have something a little fun. I think that sometimes food can be an adventure. And sometimes you just have a bad thing. And you deal with it. And I think this person did nothing wrong. Interesting take. I'm going to order for you the next time we get food. I have this.

Yeah, especially you are definitely the most particular about your food. And food? Yeah, you always have like very specific things that you and Sue's have very strong opinions about food. Certainly I've strong opinions about food, but I can't. You're wide ranging.

I like all foods. I like the idea of somebody ordering for me. This, I will come to regret this, but I'm gonna side with them. Okay. I especially would like D&D sessions is usually pretty long. The food is part of the experience offer. A little cheat sheet for jokes is for like pranks is always after the initial laugh, if the person is left saying, and then what?

It's usually not a great idea. laugh if the person is left saying, and then what? It's usually not a great idea. It's like you could do this, but then you'd also have to be like, I don't know, you'd have to like, it's just like, you got me bad food. That was very funny. And now I'm angry.

And now. And now. And now is there more food? And now what? Yeah. Jake's honest, I don't know. I do feel like the back up here is that you do just like have like a pizza delivered like 10 minutes later.

Yeah, that's true. That would have been a good, like, because like, like I said, your heart was in the right place. Don't be a fool. Maybe when you saw the ball out, you could quickly just order a pizza. Yeah, you got to back down immediately. I think the thing that the way you messed up

is that like you made this like a full surprise. Because I feel thing that the way you messed up is that you made this a full surprise because I feel like if you bring this up and everyone's on board, then I think it's really, you have a fun moment where we're like, let's all roll the dice and see what we get. And then people can opt out if they want. But I feel like if we're all rolling the dice and then living by the sword

when it comes to eating our random ass meal, I don't know how to do it. I would opt out so fast. Yeah, like they weren't there. They didn't see the numbers on the menu or anything like that. They weren't part of the gambling. That was on the surprise. So their side of the prank is just getting shitty food.

Yeah. You're right. If everyone opted in, it could be fun, uh-huh. I'm going through all my friends in my head and picturing just choosing their meal for them. And I can't picture a single person who would just roll with it. I think I would laugh and say, and now what?

I would say, very funny. What do I do now? I'm allergic to shrimp. Do I have to eat this? I think I would be a lot more upset if I like came to the house hungry. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, okay, there's like,

you know, there's not much that can satisfy my hunger except for this exact food that I'm craving. Yeah. Yeah, if somebody hands me something different and aside. Yeah. Like, this is a good, right? Yeah, this is a good stuff. Yeah, if somebody hands me something different and a side. Yeah, like this is a good right. Yeah, I just I mean, yeah, this could go so bad. I'm pretty hungry people. You just ordered four sides of rice. What if there's rid of the side? You could have like gone through your order

history. I'm been like, we've been to this Chinese food place before. This is what everybody's got. I'll get all that stuff and some of the numbers. So that we can do the prank and then like, unusual. It's just not worth it. It's just not worth it. It's amazing. The thing is, it's not really a prank. I feel like it's more of like,

this is a fun silly thing. Are we all into it? Yeah. I'm like, just imagining doing this for like a group that Mervin I used to? Yeah, but like, I'm like just imagining doing this for like a group that Mertven I used to play with and just like the week, week, polite smile. Ah! That would happen.

That would happen. It would happen. Ah. Oh, Lord. Yeah, I think when it's like quickly remedied, something like this is funny, like if you're at the bar and you just, like get me a beer and you just go get them a weird drink and zip back down, that's funny.

Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, you can either go back up and get them a different drink or they can go to themselves. There's a million ways to remedy that, but you bought so much food. Frank your friends with weird drinks. Yeah, that meals. And guys, I did, somebody rolled the boiled goose entree and that was an extra 40 bucks. So, I was so happy.

And you had a Vinnmo for that. You know what above it be on? They got the boiled goose. But also, it's good. It's good. You just did someone roll the nat 20 and then they said this isn't what a nat 20 would be. I kind of agree with them there.

Even within the context of, so like let's say that the idea wasn't flawed. It is, but let's say it wasn't. The nat 20 should have at least gotten them two meals. Yeah, yeah. But they don't even walk the one. What are the meals today? The nat 20 should have gotten them the choice. You should have gotten them the most.

You should have side texted them and be like, this is what I'm doing. So you got a net 20, you can actually. They would have been like, what are you doing now for everyone? Net 20, you get to pick with advantage. We've already made our decision here clearly, but like one last generation.

There's very few bad things on a Chinese food restaurant. Yeah, I think it was definitely the really definitely the type of food. It was definitely the type of food. That you had the mood for. Exactly, exactly. Imagine sitting there and someone else gets like orange chicken. Yeah.

I mean, the person who got the nat 20 said their food was mild. Nat 20 is just automatically the orange chicken. You know guys, I pulled up a Chinese food menu. Let's play right now. Right now. Everybody has to roll a D100. Let's see here. Okay. D100, I got an 82. 75. Okay. Callable, you got a 75. Yeah. Murf got an 82. 58. You got a 58.

Uh-huh. Emily, you are getting the Kung-Pow Beef. Congratulations. I'd be happy with it. I'd be happy with it. With a 33, I'm getting the jumbo shrimp fried rice. Not bad, sorry. Not bad, yeah. I would need more food. I think someone else showing up. Yeah, to wild hungry men.

If I got, if I got like the jumbo shrimp fried rice when someone else has Kung Pao, I would be pretty jealous. What's sort of insane person who's not sharing their Chinese food when they get it from a restaurant? Let's face it. That just prints based on a day's roll. Okay, let's continue.

What did you get? I got, what did I say, 82? You have the roast pork with mushrooms. I'm upset. Yeah, the beef does not like mushrooms. And Carl Gold, what do you have? Well, I'm having a little bit of Murf's mushrooms in pork obviously, because that's not delicious,

but I got a 75. A 75, and it all works out for Kallzal with the, oh, maybe chicken and pepper and tomato. Okay. Oh, that actually, oh, well, that thing's on the menu. Yeah, these things are just, you're not getting the best stuff.

It's just random. And also, you have to keep in mind that on Chinese menus, a lot of times they do like the sort of like healthy options aren't mixed in there. Yeah. It's also basically sausage. This is just gambling without telling anyone that they're gambling.

It's hot. Yeah, I gamble indeed. I don't gamble on my meals. Just like, did you just watch the football game? Just so you know, I put down $10 of your money on it. Okay. Okay. Okay. I just said you know, I put down $10 of your money on it. Okay. Okay. Okay.

I just said you lost, buddy. Yeah, you lost. Okay, so we have to sentence this person who I will keep saying, I think your heart's in the right place. Yeah. They're being a troll. They're being a troll. They don't ever get to order their food ever again.

It's a fun idea, but it was flawed and you shouldn't have gone forward. I think you can't fuck't have gone forward. I think you can't fuck with people's hunger. I'm thinking about that tomato now though. Like how does that even work into a Chinese food dish? Yeah. Yeah. You really did get a really bad one. It's something you was probably on like the diet menu. Yeah. I forget my words. And I'm sure there's, you know, there's good versions of it or whatever, but it's not what I'm looking for. No. For takeout. Yeah, how do we... I think...

All right. So, all of our friends need to like speak to the head chef anytime they go to a restaurant. They're like, hey, our client pulled a weird prank on us. And you just need to serve them like your worst dish. You need to roll a D6 to see how many sessions going forward that you have to roll randomly for your own food. Oh, that's good. What did you eat when you pulled this pumpkin?

Oh, did you hold yourself to the same gamble? Did you roll or did you say, you know what? Maybe I'll get the general's toes after all. Yeah. This is anything with food or anything that takes time or something. Like if we're all going to the movies and I said, hey guys, I actually got us tickets to this movie

that we didn't want to see. There's a moment of laughing. There's a moment of laughing. Right. And that's okay. And now what? Now we have to go see this bad movie. We don't really.

Okay, all right. I'd rather see the other movie though. That was the plan. God bless your heart though. Bless your little troll heart. Yeah, go check out Don't worry Darling in theaters. That's right. Okay, so you're ordered.

So you're ordered. Shall we put on our robes for a dice-crime confession? About the different robes. Yeah, please. Yeah. Okay, Diggy Door Dougler, right? I come to the church with a troubled soul. Oh, I love when they use this kind of language.

Yeah. I was heavy with my deeds. I met up with some people and we set up a new D&D group. About a month ago, my character had a very important persuasion check and I rolled a two on the die. I dropped my hand on the table and defeat and my friend next to me said, oh my God, he got a 20. I looked down and saw that when my hand hit the table, I rocked the die over to a 20. I went with a 20, but I didn't look at it.

Was it the dice devil whispering evil in my ear to lie? Or did dice Christ move the die? I humbly await your judgment. Oh my God. That's a really good question. Was it temptation or was I think it was the dice devil? Yeah. Sometimes the dice devil appears in a guise that you would find friendly and inviting. Like they are the devil on the list. Like a gnats one. I think it was at the hand of Dice Christ herself real moving the diet. Oh. I think because this was like the first session, right?

They don't say we started a new group about a month ago. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, but it's a new group. It's a new group. And this is when you are the weakest to the dice level. Right.

Yeah. This is when you can really fall. Because you were just weakest to the dice level. Right. This is when, this is when. This is when you can really fall. Because you are just going with the momentum. You are just going with the cool kids. The cool kids were right. Sighted about the net 20. It's hard to recall in at 20. That is a painful thing to do.

It's hard when you're around a bunch of new people to be like, wait, dice crisis. The thing, the reason I also think though that it was not dice crisis because the two is right next to the 20 right it was too easy It wasn't like a magical thing like oh it went from a 7 to a 20. It's like it bopped over just one Yeah, I think that there is a way out for you there is penance here And what you need to do is you need to get a post a note right a big two on it and hand it to your DM

Admit what you did and say whenever you think I deserve this to you is you need to get a post-it note, write a big two on it, and hand it to your DM, admit what you did, and say, whenever you think I deserve this too, you can give it to me. I like the unnecessary inclusion of a post-it note. At Propshead Harder, folks. I don't know. I don't know that you have, I feel like you've served your penitents, like you know what was wrong. You know that. I think you take this to your graveitence. Like you know what was wrong. You know that.

I think you take this to your grave. Whoa. You just tell us. Take it to your grave. It's safe with us. Yeah, it's safe with us. You got to get lots of views. I get that with the social pressure.

If it were like a newer group and people just like see something and start freaking out to hold your hand up and be like, Whoa wait. Yeah, you don't want to kill that, bud. Yeah, I get that. But, oh, it's true. dice don't want to kill that, bud. Yeah, I get that. But, oh, it's true.

Dice Christ does ask us to kill the buzz. Every time. So you must learn and grow to be a buzz killer. Marfa, I think you're honest with him, though. I think you just like take that dice. You never use it again. You're going to need to bury it under your floor boards. Yeah.

Yeah. You're going to need to be under your floor boards. Yeah, I'm very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, and let it be in the night. You'll hear that dice roll in every once in a while. Yeah. Get your house earthquake retrofitted and have them bury it. Yeah.

Under there. I think dice Christ now asks you to be an acolyte of dice Christ. And you must be a buzzkill the next time there is momentum, but you have to put your hand up and be a rules lawyer. It's kind of like fun and edgy that you've been touched by the devil too. That's true. Yeah, God. That's, I mean, that's the trade-off though, is the devil is much more prevalent.

So you're going to run into the devil more than you're going to run into dice, Christ. Wow. So take advantage of that. Hey guys, this is church. Getting uncomfortable. I'm like, take advantage of that. Yeah. Hey guys, this is church. Just kidding. I'm not gonna be a man. It's getting uncomfortable. And go forth with dice crest. Right.

And take this to your grave. Take this to your grave. We'll keep the secret as well. We'll keep it. We won't release this episode. Because our first time, this is our first time telling someone to just keep it a secret. Oh, I got it.

I think we say it sometimes. Yeah, I do try to look out for people in like social situations and I don't want to give people advice where they go and just like confess to their new friend that they lied about their dice roll. Hey, I was playing with some of my co-workers. Turns out one of them's a freaking liar. When you die, your grave will be filled in with all the dice you've ever played with.

There you go. There you go. And with that, let's go ahead and wrap this one up. Thank you all so much for listening. You can head on over to our patreon patreon.com slash nadpot. This NADD, POD, do not sing yet. Talk to me.

Sorry about that. To listen to some bonus cases. And the meantime, does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? Hey, speaking of cases, we have a live dungeon court that we will be doing in Boston, the day after our Boston NADPOT. Yeah. Go to one, go to both.

Preferably go to both. I really go to both. I really go to both. I'd love to see you twice'd really go to both. I'd really go to both. I'd really go to both. Yeah, nadpod.com slash live. That's in January. Check it out. First ever live D&D court.

Yeah. Fighting. Sweet guys, thank you all so much for listening. You can follow us on social media that we may or may not use. As he's my first meet at Caldice Caldwell, at the extras Emily and at your grutes as Jake. Any get to read about the show using hashtag nadpod. That's any DDPOD. We are the young. Youth of the nation. and as your grutes is Jake, and you get to read about the show using hashtag nat pod that's N-E-D-D-P-O-D.

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Yes, every time. Neo's the novice monster hunter and Simon. I think I feel like he needed us to meet him in a dream, but where do you know? What? Patrick, Laura Lai, the succubus and Kira, her busty queen, Michael, the Ezri Pop idol, Morgan M., a peeling sticker, Stephen E., Happy Birthday to my one-of-a-kind husband, Andrew L. I found my tall Barney, love your wife, Sid. John Adams, yes like the president, Meg the male carrier of Bohemia, James F. Capping

Cappy, M4L, Wayfarer, currently in a trademark dispute with mothership over the patent on the SS Storm Bjorn. Andrew B. Sir, Smut, Cookfresh, Barpo, Good Barrel, Bard Barian, and Brewer Emeritus of Water Deep. Mary B. C. Melora D. Votie, Pendergreens Bodyguard, Welsh Lander, Garrett G. One Big, Curd. Mr. D. Dana D. Sean J. Mr. Silly Head, Ethan B. René,

the Monster Captain, Hop the Dancing Rabbit, Hope's Dagger, the only dagger of hope Olivia, the enchanting bard who will totally be making money and a grand novel of the duck team with an on-the-go all the stops show, Blue Slade, the Artificer, Michaela R. Riley S. FICO, Angry Wheat, the game itself just trying to find himself, toe-ni-ji, Corbos Kalamniss, Kumshaat, Hashtag, CCC forever sorry Jake, no need to apologize, Josh H. Jack, the Jack's jinxing rogue on the run with Bohumiya's balls, Mango and Pannatus, Renton Mules, he who made Doug the Virgin Darknut, James B. Trogdor, the burninator, Clementine T.

Caleb L.S. This message has been brought to you by Fairies in support of hashtag CCC. Alex R. Cantrip, Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian with a bat. Back Papa, Wookie MJ, the BFG drinking tea by the sea. Samantha K, Cronus Maximus, Geno T, Faye Father, Father of the Faye, Mama Bell, this is your daily reminder

to drink water, cheers folks, Sheldon the Mushroom Turtle, Straumann 18 Wheels of Rubber and Steel, Potato Master, Dr. Tulkis, Tiz the Great, Derrick D, and of course, Tristan G. Thank you all.