Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: NPC Romance Requests, Homebrew Stews & The Overstuffed One-Shot

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Axford, as well as the sweet widdle baby Bailiff Hurwitz, as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!WE'RE PLAYING CARNEGIE HALL IN NYC ON OCT. 7TH! Single tickets are still available starting at 11 AM ET on August 3rd. Get yours here!CREDITS:Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor LyonDungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Howdy friends, Carl Roll here letting you know that NADPOT is hitting the road again this fall for an all new live show tour. This time we're doing actual play sessions and a few D&D court lives. Tickets are available right now at nadpod.com slash live. For a full list of dates and venues, just listen to the words coming out of my mouth. On September 13th we are going to be in Minneapolis, followed by Madison on the 14th, Milwaukee on September 15th, and Chicago on the 16th. Then we're coming to Los Angeles on October 26th, Denver on October 27th, and Sacramento

on October 28th. After that, we're headed to Las Vegas on November 10th, New Orleans on November 14th, Orlando on the 15th, and finally, last but not least, Port Lauderdale on November 17th. Again, tickets are all available at nadpod.com slash live. Get yours now before they sell out, and don't forget to bring a sweater because it might get chilly, and also sometimes, Murr forgets to pack his. One more time that's nadpod.com slash live, and we'll see you on the road. Bye-bye

This is a headgun podcast Welcome to dungeon core Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don, don't, don, don't, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don I'm sorry, I think it's the show ever. Emily's music is going to be played live and we're gonna be doing a live play episode. You're gonna get to see characters from all the different campaigns or most of the campaigns and you'll see a lot of your favorite characters. So please come join us at Carnegie Hall in October 7th. It's a very big deal for us. And I hope it'll be a very big deal for all of us.

I hope we'll see you. Yeah. We're gonna have a good time. for all of us. I hope we'll see. Yeah. We're gonna have a good time. And with that, let's get down to business. We are your Supreme Crit Justices, Murphy, Axford and Tanner joined by, of course, the returning. Lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly, lowly,

bail of Jake. Returning. Thought it was gonna be positive when you said returning, it sounded good. Well returning, you returned last month, but you still have the turning. I was gonna say, this isn said returning it's on returning you returned last month Yeah, I was gonna say this isn't your I haven't I haven't forgiven you For taking paternity. Yeah, I've not forgiven you for having a child with your child. You should have bonded with me

We barely chilled at all in these past Murph has been acting up a lot because he's been feeling neglected. He peed in a plant. I'm a really, I'm a really meaty friend. He peed in a plant and he's been chewing on electrical cords. Yeah. Damn. So, you know, let us snuggle with him, man.

So is either bored and we're anxiety, but both are on your shoulder. And I've been howling. They're both on me. Which might just mean he's in he? All right, yeah. He's also humping a couch. But he did that before. That's true.

That's true. It'd be abnormal if he stopped just right now. And with that, here, ye, here, ye, crit is now in session, the honorable supreme crit justices, expert Murphy and Tanner are presiding. And our first case comes from one named Pookie. Pookie. Pookie.

To the eternally honorable judges and the precious newborn baby, Baylif Jake. Okay. That's true, Jake was reborn. So your paternity leave was for yourself. Yeah, for the year of baby. Okay. Jake is a Phoenix, yeah. Which is kind of impressive that I actually have a job as a bailiff

considering that I'm an infant. Yeah. I bring you the case of come university. After a good start. And chant us pookie and chant us. I am currently running a campaign with some friends that takes place almost entirely within a large city I have named this city Cambria I decided to host a world building session pre campaign to get everyone familiar with the setting one detail I went over was the local university the Cambrian University of magic Was quick to point out that it spells a dirty word. parentheses, come.

Yeah, no, we got it. So do I. Poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo to explain that there are a few sub-departments of this school all pertaining to a different class. All with similar naming conventions, there is the Arcane Science School, parentheses, ass, the Bardock University of music, bum, the Paladin Oathkeeper's organization, poo, the Druidic Institute and Circle of Knowledge, Dick, and of course, the Fates United Clerical Knowledge

University, which is fuck you. Okay, so you, this is all planned. Pookie wanted this. Yeah, I judged you as soon. I think it's fun if they had a fun time with come university and then you're like, all right, I'm gonna hit him with a bunch more. I got to say, they're losing me a little bit

with all of the different stuff. Because to me, I think it's much funnier to major in physics at Come University. That is true. To be at the fucking school of Come University. Fluid dynamics at Come University. Yeah, it needs a little bit of subtlety, so... Yeah. Well, we all had a good laugh.

One of my players then asked, are all of these actually part of the game? Doesn't that ruin the tone a little? The rest of the world is fairly realistic and down to earth, so I can see where they're coming from, but I explain that come isn't really a focus of the story and is more of a background detail to flesh out the world.

Consider and jokie Easter egg. Is the player right? Does this ruin immersion too much, or am I allowed to have my silly fun? I would say it really is so background. I think if you yourself were really pushing it to the foreground, then perhaps that's why the player said something, but I think that it's a magic school campaign. Yeah, it's a magic school campaign, and your character

like has to do the fuck you to act of barred school or whatever. Right. I feel like if you would just introduce come university, then all of the players might have had a nice time coming up with the different departments. Like that's kind of fun. Yeah.

When this was first introduced, I thought you did it by accident. And everyone was like, which was super funny. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Well, And everyone was like, which was super funny. Which was very, which was funny. I liked that. Yeah. Well, I think, okay, it's possible

because based on the details we were given, it's possible that it came up organically. And then everyone kept choking around. Everyone had fun with it, so they're like, all right, I'll give them all cheeky names. My only cheeky tweak would be, you don't spell it out, you let them figure out the acronym. And then you just never bring it up ever again.

I think you can call them these things, but like as the DM, you like never break. You just like say them to the straight face every session. Yeah, it's never funny to you. Yeah, I gotta say, I think you keep it at come university and you don't get to, you don't get to into the weeds. I think you're right. I think it doesn't sound world breaking because the only way that I see this coming up is that a one-time aside and then you just don't really have to say it again However, if it's getting hit too much then I can understand someone being this is session zero because like well one player might be like

This is breaking immersion another one might be like oh great. I am a professor at come university From the ass department might be like, oh great, I am a professor at Come University and I'm from the Ask Department. I'm getting a secondary degree in boners or whatever. Yeah. Which now that I think about it, that's actually really good. That's pretty interesting. Minoring and boners, minoring and boners, that's good actually. Majoring and boners, not fun, not fun.

Majoring and not fun, not fun. Majoring and boners, not fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun.

Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun. Meadering and fun, and minor and fun know what you're gonna get when you go this dumb. I'll say, if it made you giggle while you were writing it because prepping these things takes a fucking long time and it gave you a little respite, maybe you say it, maybe you lose it for the main campaign but you got your giggles out during the session zero.

No harm, no foul, I say. Yeah, if it's just part of world building, you just have in the background. I wouldn't go too hard on. Don't set the first adventure in the club. Yeah, exactly. It's just the name you say the full name and people can joke about it being come university. I think is the way to handle that joke. But also if it's session zero, I don't know that that's the time for your player to be coming at you hard with a

hey, that broke emergency. Maybe that player should wait a couple sessions. Well, yeah, I did. I did. Maybe it was a simple, jokie icebreaker to get everyone comfortable at the table. Well, yeah, I will have to say to defend that player, this DM did to have a paragraph about all the different tracks that you could do at Come University

that were all different spelled out. Yeah, various naughty words. The thing is, you hit a home run, and you already did it. CUM, and then what are we doing? You hit a home come. Yeah, yeah. And now we're getting a base on balls, a bun.

That's right. Once you come, you don't wanna keep working it, right? Cause sometimes you need to. Just let us bathe be the the after glow. True. Fix yourself a sandwich, you're done. So, so does this mean we're punishing Pookie? Pookie's not allowed to have fun.

I think we're punishing Pookie. I think we're giving Pookie the note that they wanted. I think that the players within their right in session zero to be like, hey, we talked several paragraphs about this university and all of the different tracks. I personally would like to play some kind of heroic character that's not a complete goof ball. I built my character with a tragic backstory.

Yeah, not sure he fits into this one. Oh my God. back story. Yeah, not sure if it's into this one. Oh my God. You remember losing your brother, Conolingus, was his name? I still think there's a way to do it without being like, hey, after one session, I think that you're breaking immersion. I like yours better being like, I kind of wanted to play. I just feeling there's another way you can average yeah Well, we can we can vote against each other. We don't have to be all on the same side No, I know I ultimately am gonna root against Pookie, but I do love you dirty word Yeah, I think we need to punish Pookie to attending a class at come university. Oh

That's a good idea. Yeah, but like auditing it so you don't even get credit. Auditing and let's use Merf's suggestion and you're auditing a fluid dynamics class instead of the cheeky one. Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. And attendance does count towards the grades so you really can't like that. You'll never be able to graduate Suma Cum Laude. There it is. so ordered. Our next case comes from Catherine C. Catherine writes, may it please the three esteemed justices of the court and quote Jake? I mean that is definitely a name. I present to you the case of the hopeless romantic player and the reluctant DM. A few weeks ago after our second

session of the campaign that I DM for, one of my players who plays a naive sheltered tiefling came to me about wanting to pursue a romantic relationship for her character. She specifically said she wanted a, quote, romantic boy next door type who knows how to treat me sweetly. Okay, that is a pretty heavy ask, right? It's a like a follow-up boy lyric. Really? Treat me sweetly, definitely sounds like some sort of email. I initially just brushed off her request. However, later, we were watching Pride and Prejudice together, and during the romantic hand flex scene,

my friend loudly sighed and said she couldn't wait for her character to meet her own Mr. Darcy. I expressed surprise that she sounded so assured that it was going to happen. She was incredulous in return and reminded me of her previous request for, quote, a romantic boy next door type who knows how to treat me sweet. I let her know that I'm happy to have her character explore romantic options at the table, but her character will have to put in the work to organically develop those relationships with the NPCs, and she shouldn't expect that I can just present her with her dream guy.

Now I worry that I took away my player's happiness over something that might have been relatively minor at the end of the day, so justices, I plead for your judgment, was I right to temper my player's expectations, or should I just give her her Mr. Darcy? Okay, I know that. I know that. I know, well, it's hard, right? Because it's like performing is different from playing, and when you're playing, maybe there is more wish fulfillment.

And I know a lot of D&D that people see is kind of just dating Sims, but like, I just, I don't like using your DM, like, eventing machine. Totally, yeah. That's also kind of about me. I think that's the thing. I think it's also allowed to be like,

hey, I don't like know how to play romance scenes and stuff. Like I personally, in very, like any romantic thing we've done on like, NAD pod and stuff, have generally just been like, I don't know, like the culmination of like the story or something like that. We very rarely have like, very long relationships where the characters are around each other for a very long time.

Yeah, us role-playing boyfriend and girlfriend looks sometimes fighting. Yeah, it's like it's not what I enjoy doing, it's not totally what I feel comfortable doing, and it's okay for you as the DM to be like, yeah, I'm not gonna do pride and prejudices with you and not your fending machines. Those are like long, you know, back and forths

where you're like speaking very eloquently. And like to the DM's point, like you don't get shirtless Firth until like episode five, but there's a lot of work up to shirtless Firth. There's a lot of back and forth where they don't fucking like each other. Back and forth. There's a lot of back and forth.

There's a lot of back and forth. I'm gonna do much back and forth. I would say, I would say the, a lot of back and fur. There's a lot of back and fur. Uh-huh. Doing much back and fur. I would say, I would say the only. A lot of Colin and Mouse, yeah. The only place that this DM went wrong is when the player made the request, and instead of being like, wow, that's a bit much,

maybe we can compromise. The DM just said, I ignored it. Right. Which is like, you kind of let that sit there and let kind of, not that your player should have had these expectations of you, but you shouldn't let that stuff hang there. I think the player treated it like it was their birthday and they were like expecting to open the present when like the reality is, as a DM you can be like, yeah, if it comes up, it comes up.

Like, I'll think about it. Right. I'll say, I'll think about it. Right. I'll say, I'll think about it. Yeah. Maybe it's a new player. I feel like these are things that you learn about D&D as you go on to. You know, it's not unlike just like going to your first session and being like, oh, like, I want a plus one sword.

Like, how do I get a match on that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. And so maybe you just don't really know that it's not easy to come by. Yeah. And then you want in D&D or that that's the point. Like, that can be a long-term goal, but not just next session. There's a sweet little darling in the bar. I'm having a hard time feeling like I can honestly weigh in on this because it kind of bumps

up against my personal tastes, which are I would much rather organically discover a little interest than have one fed to me. So I can't, I don't know that I can be like objective about this. I think that you guys are right in that there's probably a newer player or somebody who's watched a lot of D&D and maybe thinks that, because you do, you know, if you're gonna do like romance stuff and everything, sometimes you will talk to your DM

about like what, like your boundaries are like what kind of stuff you do wanna do. So it is okay to go to your DM and be like, hey, this is kind of like what I'm thinking or something. But the DM can also be like, well, that's kind of not my thing. So we do need to find something in the middle. I've played a lot of D&D. I've never once requested a love interest.

No, I know where to hold the D&D what my type is. Oh, yes, that's, you don't do that. It's a lot. I'm texting Merf all the time. I've been like, I need to get my dits stick. Yeah. I'm wondering why, yeah, Merf leaves me on red when I text him about that. Murph Saul needs to get fucking wet.

Yeah. You need to send me an NPC. That's my tie, dude. You're giving me nothing. You're giving me nothing, man. Saul's looking to get some flies. No, I'm just, yeah, I'm trying to see where the other person's coming from.

Yeah. Overall, you know. I would think new to D&D. Yeah, new to D&D. I think that like these things are better when they come up kind of organically. But then there are also like, there are games that are specifically,

you know, designed for that. There are games that are not D&D that are more like dating sim games that literally like the point is to get different love points and what- Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. So this player might be wanting to do something more like that, which is why this player

should really check out Good Society, which is a TTRPG that Abria used some of the mechanics for a quarter of fame flowers and that was all literally pride and prejudice kind of vibes. Yeah, oh, there you go. So they should try that. So I think we're generally, we're all on the DM side here. I think I'm also bumping up against those because the idea of requesting a person

who doesn't really have their own personality and just is about how they treat you. Feet the sweet. Yeah. It sounds like they're asking for a familiar, a little bit. Just a familiar a little Your boyfriend

Of course at level three I get a boyfriend. That's one of my class perks I'm thinking like you know a boy next door I'm a fighter subclass serial monogamous and I will be needing to cast spells through him Aren't there like a summoning spell where you get like kind of like some kind of spec. Oh my God, I'm so excited. What are you spending? What are you spending? You know, you say, all right, player, you describe what this,

what this name is. Because they are so specific about what they want, it's almost unfair to the DM. So just saying to a DM, I'm interested in a love interest. Cool, you throw stuff their way. And but like coming up with it so specifically, it's kind of unfair to the DM because it's like if you don't get exactly what they're looking for, then suddenly you feel like you're failing them. It's too much. I think they're just on different wavelengths and I think you just need to come clean and just,

well, I think you already did the second time you guys had the discussion. I don't think you've, you have not wronged this player in any way. And that's not really how D&D works. Yeah, you don't tell the DM, I want to meet this kind of NPC. Yeah, I think that's not, yeah. The vending machine aspect. Yeah, that is all sorts. Yeah, as a DM, you're creating characters that you want to play.

Mm-hmm. You know, even though you're not a PC, you're still creating characters. And if you don't want to play Mr. Darcy, that's fine. I also don't want to play Mr you know, even though you're not a PC, you're still creating characters. And if you don't want to play Mr. Darcy, that's fine. I also don't want to play Mr. Darcy. I wonder how we punish this player. They get rejected by Colin Firth. Do you know what I think? I think that would actually be the punishment is that they would not actually like the NPC boyfriend that they think they want. Right.

A boy next door type who knows how to treat them sweetly. Yeah. There's just like no personality. Exactly. I think four episodes in, they'd be like, this guy is not bringing much to the table. He's a liability. He has a commoner's house.

Just bouncer, but less strong, and just hold stores open. Commoner. So their wrong punishment is that they actually do get what they do. Spounder but less strong and just hold doors open and just like So their wrong punishment is that they actually do get what they do with I think yeah, I think they'll find out that like the coming up with the idea of who you want a date It doesn't play out like you think it would. Yeah, it's perfect Okay, so ordered yeah, and our next case comes from Amelia. Amelia writes, to the oh so honorable Supreme Crit Justices, Axford Murphy and Tanner, and the oh so average Baylif Joe. Whoa.

Hey, you're insulting a baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was just born. Come on. Literally just born a few weeks ago. Yeah. Is this what the world is like? He sounds smart and well spoken for a baby, but he is a baby nonetheless. I ask you a simple question, is a hang glider a projectile? While in a small mountain town, our party's Bard slash Paladin, Ivrath wanted to go hang gliding.

The town's main tourist attraction. They were barreling through the air at an established 80 miles per hour and lost control. After brainstorming ways to keep them from crashing and taking max falling damage, our monk asked if they could use their deflect missiles ability on the hang glider. Our argument was that the hang glider was coming at us

much like a projectile and arrows, a common D&D projectile, thank you, travel at around 150 miles per hour. Wow, an 80 mile per hour hang glider should be easy to handle. The DM rejected our idea, saying that hang glider is heavier than an arrow, but would a much heavier rock from a catapult not be a projectile? Not to mention the fact that projectiles are pretty vaguely defined in D&D, and the deflect missile's ability is so infrequently usable for monks. You've rather ended up being fine, but we still hold that our plan should have worked out and that our monks should have gotten to have their cool moment for once.

So we come to grovel at your feet and beg for your righteous judgment. Yeah, let the monk have a cool moment for once. The only thing I could think is that it opens a door that you won't know if the DM wants to open because it's not the weight of the hang glider that bugs me. That gives me pause, rather. It's the size of the hang glider. And the idea of someone catching a hang glider with one hand. But you could just catch a vehicle.

So, yeah. This, I feel like the submitter is arguing the wrong point. Oh, the stuff is already to answer your question. How do you stop a giant rock that's been shot out of a catapult? Surely that is a projectile. I would agree that is a projectile. Because it's been projected.

Right, it's been projected. But it's projecting its feelings onto you. The way you factor in, well, a monk can't stop that, is because there's a damage threshold for all of this. So deflect missiles, starting at third level, use your reaction to deflect or catch the missile when you are hit by a ranged weapon attack. So first off, your DM could sit there and say, not a ranged weapon attack. But I would still allow this because it's all here.

When you do so, the damage you take from the attack is reduced by 1D10 plus your deck's modifier plus your decks modifier plus your monk level. So what the DM would have done if they were having fun with it, I think there's a way to allow this in a way that still honors the mechanics. I think you have the monk take the damage that the him-binder would. And then they basically shrug it off. They shrug off like 20 of the

the 70 damage or whatever, yeah. So it's like, if you want to stand in the way, if you want to say, hey, I'm going to deflect missile on a boulder from a catapult, maybe that sucker's going to do 50 damage. And your deflect missiles is going to take away 20 of that. Cool, then you take 30 damage. That's fucking up. I think I was confusing it with the ability And your deflect missiles is gonna take away 20 of that. Cool. Then you take 30 damage.

That's fucked up. I think I was confusing it with the ability where a monk can throw it back at someone. That's if you soak up all the damage you can throw it back. Which you wouldn't do anywhere. I see, I see. So then my issue doesn't even come into play because I was picturing a hang line. Right. You catch a bullet, but it's still gonna fuck up your hands real bad.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right bullet, but it's still gonna fuck up your hands real bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're right. So I think that, I think that you're right. I think that you should have been able to shrug off some damage. I think by the book, the DM is correct, but I don't see why they couldn't rule it in a fun way like this. Like this is just totally,

this is totally a way that you work with your friends to come up with creative solutions. Yeah. So, I'm going to deviate by the book here and say that even though it's not from a ranged weapon attack, it makes sense that a monk would be able to slow down something that is flying at you. Yeah. And also, like monks are a lot about, like, kind of shrugging off damage that they should

have taken. Specifically about like using, like, the momentum ofging off damage that it should have taken. Specifically about like using like the momentum of your opponent against you. Right. All right. Yeah, and so we're all on your side. I think we're mostly on your side. If you thought that you should have just been able

to have the monk shrug off all the damage, I disagree. I know, you literally add it up. Literally and put it down. However much the hang glider was gonna fall for, that's the damage that this giant hang glider does, as it throttles down into the earth. And you see how much of that you can shrug off,

and then maybe you split the rest of the damage between the person on the hang glider and the person who tried to slow it down. I mean, I greatly sympathize because I feel like anytime anything is launched at us in the campaign, I'm just like, can I catch it? Yeah. Yeah, and I think we generally allow you, and if you beat the damage, you shrug it off.

And if you don't beat the damage, you take the damage. Like it's all and that's just being fun. And that's funny. And that's funny to see. And that's funny. Yeah. So assuming Jake's on board, we all agree with you. Jake, how do you weigh in? I'm going to abstain actually. Wow. It's okay. He's still learning to grow. Howard. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. I'm just a baby. He's just a baby.

He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby.

He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby. He's just a baby, yet, Jake? Oh yeah, she can do it. So she's, she's burped more times

than you have in your life. 10 weeks old and better than me already. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I think, so we're on your side, but I do think you're kind of arguing the wrong thing. I think you should be like, look, normally it's a range weapon attack, but can we do something fun here?

Can I take off? However much damage the D10 plus Dex plus monk level, because, you know, I don't know, it's D&D, everybody's magic. Literally, like monks are like, they're magical. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so I guess like the first draft is just to like launch a hang glider at your DM, but that seems a little dangerous, so maybe we could come up with like an alternate punishment? Well, you put them in an out of control hang glider. You put the DM in the hang glider and you say,

don't you wish I could catch you, but I'm not even gonna try. No, you wish I could catch you. A wing glider in a wind storm. Yeah, yeah, that's great. Put them in one of those Skydiving wind tunnels. In a Skydiving wind tunnel. Yeah, a hang glider in a Skydiving wind tunnel.

Or like, or a tornado, a cyclone. Yeah, a cyclone. Hang gliding in tornado. I was thinking sort of in a controlled environment that way you have your finger on the button. And you can say whoops wish I could help you, but people can't help other people on that. That's great. But I've been established by me.

The more rules as they flip around in a hanged library. He has a side of a wind stove. Man is an island, specifically when he's on a hanged rider. Yeah. Merf, that's really clean, but I like Jake's suggestion of just letting him loose in a twister. True. Yeah, okay, great. We can do them both. That's true.

So double ordered. Our next case comes from, I'm Tupaconte. I'm Tupaconte, right? Tupaconte, right? To the honorable justices and Sonic fan fiction, juggernauts and the homey Jake. Well, honestly, at this point, I'll take it. I am a DM for a campaign in Eberon

for a party of three. My adventurers were against a group of bandits during one of my combat encounters. The party ended up taking down all of the bandits except the leader. The leader was next in initiative and was nearly dead. I knew he was going to go down once his turn was over because he had a condition on him that took his health away after his turn.

I figured I would turn this into a cinematic moment by describing a dramatic attack towards one of my players, a war forged who was also on death's door. I rolled a D20 and paused for a dramatic effect. I did that DM look towards the war forged PC that was uncomfortably long, so as to give the sense of dread. But before I could say the leader missed, the party leaned over the DM screen to look at the result. I never got to triumphantly reveal the role.

I'm glad I got them on the edge of their seats to the point to do such an action, but were the players in the wrong to look behind the DM screen where my notes, rolls, and almonds are put out? Maybe they were just hungry. If they saw your freaking almonds, they were right to be angry. That's just a great move in general. It's a real power play just to like take someone's almonds, like popping your mouth without asking. Oh man.

Yeah. Yeah, I think that as long as it was all and good, I ultimately, I'm siding with you. I don't think the players should really under any circumstance be looking over the DM screen. It's a no-no. I could see a situation where I do this and you guys jump over my screen, okay?

So I can't go in on those two already. Right, it sounds really bad. Tell you imagine us doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah, it's locked up your nose and your ears and your eyes with almonds. Yeah, whenever we do it, it's all in good fun.

And we're laughing and having fun. Whenever I imagine other people do it, everyone's so serious. There's a lot of people driving home in silence at the words. No, but I think I do think that's a major faux pas is looking behind the DM screen. Yeah, because you're the, yeah, you are the, you're setting the scene, you're the narrator here,

and you need that ability to be able to sort of pace everything and pace the drama. Because those guys might still be in like, kinda rowdy, fun, kind of silly mood. And this is, you want to like kind of bring it down to set it up for the next thing. And if they're jumping over your screen, that's setting the mood in a different direction.

Not to mention, like then you'll see all your affirmations. Like, you got this, but you can do this. Yeah, and you're not that bad. Yeah, the framed picture of Emily that I have for a background here. And then like the little stopwatch that's like you can have your next Allman in 20 seconds. Yeah, and you're like, I think you got your timing

of your Allman in Tate. Allman watch. Yeah. Yeah, no, not my Allman watch. And the alarm goes off constantly every time. Some people have an Apple watch, Murph has an Allman watch. We have to add to that, it takes forever.

It's mechanized too, there's a little voice. The show is completely un-edited except for the almond watch. You have to watch. Good job, Murph. You may have three alums every 20 seconds. It's randomized a little bit too, so it changes up slightly, so it'll be like, add a poimerf, keep it up, two almonds this time. It's interrupted so many grave heart-woncies.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I think there's kind of no excuse to peek over the screen. So it's pretty cut and dry. Yeah, done the wrong. Like an almond that you cut for a salad. Yeah, this is almond cut and dry. This is dry like an almond. This is dry like an almond that you cut for a salad. Yeah, this is almond cut and dry. This is dry like an almond.

This is dry like an almond. Can you imagine if you're building up to a dramatic role and then you just toss a little M&M out in the middle? It's on the end. You don't use it as a coin. Yeah, you use it as an M&M as a coin. You can use an M&M for a luck chest. Yeah, you can flip an M&M.

You can use an M&M for a death chest. Yeah, you can flip an M&M. You can use an M&M for a death save, could you not? Yeah, you could. And can and we do. Well, you can't, because you have slightly higher chances of saving, because it's on a 10 or higher, not an 11. Oh, God, God. So if you want to use an M&M, just, just put the sauce on the food.

Just let it be known. I think it might actually be more randomized, because unless you've got a perfectly spheroid M&M, it's really obtuse. It's like there's a lot of little bumps and perfectly spheroid M&M, like it's really obtuse. It's like there's a lot of little bumps and imperfections to an M&M, especially a P-NOT M&M. That's gonna be like, you're not a chance as a model. You simply couldn't call while you couldn't use a P-NOT M&M

for all of your questions. You could have even never stopped rolling. That's the most insane thing I've ever heard. Okay, P-N-M-M-M. I'm sorry. P-N-M-M. I'm just a hard-ass DM when it comes to my M&M. I'm a DM-M-M. I think a... I'm just a hard-ass DM when it comes to my M&M. I'm a DM-M.

DM-M. I think you'd have to do a regular M&M and you make it a coin flip, but that is still harder than a death save. Death save has more. I imagine everyone's a while, you get a real kind of, like, honest sort of M&M that might just shatter.

Oh, that the M is like not. Or you might toss it and it just shatters in half. It means that you automatically get up and get all your spells back all your health back if you shatter the MNM yeah well that's like you're breaking yeah you're going against fate you lose the the one in the 20 on the yeah but you're saying if the shell breaks then that's a net 20 yeah then it's more than a net 20 you get all your spells all your future just gonna be spiking M&M's at the table.

I know, that's what it turns into, everyone's trying to throw it as high as they can. It's a huge danger. Can you imagine if you're rolling for your death save and your DM's like, no, no, no, use the M&M. Oh my God. I'm pretty sure you're like tossing it into my mouth and then spitting it out.

That's how I roll it. You're spitting it, fade itself's how I roll it. Spitting it fade itself. It's like new life to me. All right, so we got to see the yellow and then be like, wait, it's not your time yet. We got to punish these players. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So their dice are gonna be replaced by M&M.

It's perfect, yeah, that's great. Is that a punishment? That feels like a reward. Well, it's a punishment because you're, I mean, you're gonna get snacky and you're gonna run out of dice, you know? Yeah, and if you, everyone knows if you run out I mean, you're gonna get snacky and you're gonna run out of dice, you know? Yeah, and if you, everyone knows if you run out of dice, you have to go home. And you're cared to burn my dice.

If you're a head of dice, you're dead saves. Right, give me your dice. Yeah, you get three M&Ms, those are your death saves. Uh-huh. Yeah, they're D2s, unless they use for death saves. I would never fucking survive. Yeah. Alright, perfect.

Your, your dice are M&M's so ordered. Hey everybody it's Emily here to talk to you about Dark Dice. Dark Dice is a free harbor actual play podcast. It's a legitimately scary podcast that does a great job bringing a horror campaign to life. The episodes are short averaging 30 to 45 minutes and the cast is a mix of first-time players and folks you might recognize, like Jeff Goldblum, Lily Peachu, and Jasper William Carright, friend of the pod. Look at that!

Dark Dice has won over 20 awards for sound design, acting, and music. They edit combat to be condensed and enjoyable, while still playing true to the dice rolls, every terrifying monster feels like it's actually in the room with you. Their new season just launched, Shores of the Silver Thrum. It's a new story with a new cast about a terrible, corrupting sound that infects all who hear it. This episode of NAD Pod is brought to you by ManScape and their brand new Platinum Package 4.0.

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Thanks, HanskabE. Thanks, everybody. Enjoy the show. And our next case comes from SE Star Trek and they write to the Cret court counselors in Jake. I've been playing with the same group for three years with our same friend as the DM. He has been a PC several times before beginning his DM journey with us and has really come

into his own as a storyteller. However, I have noticed that he often uses mechanics out of nowhere as ways to advance the narrative. For example, after defeating some goblins, two of them escaped to warn their clan. When we tried to chase them, he said that it was difficult to rain and the goblins had a speed of 80 feet, even though that had not been the case during actual time. Tiny little goblins with a speed of 80 feet. These guys are wicked fast, yeah.

Yeah, and they're so fast that it's like a cartoon character. They all the dirt under their feet because difficult to rain in the wind. Merf bot rules. Um, the goblins can actually disengage as a free action. It's time for your own. They have the shield spell, so even if you shoot at them with arrows, they cannot be hit.

Unless you're rolling 23, oh, that's a 24. They use the hide as a bonus action. Oh my god. Okay, the two escaping goblins ended up creating a large-scale battle of the town versus the clan, which he'd been prepping for months. In the beginning, most of us did not know enough for this to be a problem, but now several players have become experienced enough to realize the abrupt conditions make no sense and argue quite frequently.

However, I find myself in the center of the arguments because I signed with my DM and a sweaty story even though I know what he's doing is not technically correct. Am I wrong for standing with a DM or are my fellow PCs right to be frustrated? I think that sometimes the DM is gonna have something they want to do and they're gonna make it happen. And that's just kind of, that's being a PC, knowing that they're doing more work than you. Yeah, that's part of it. But I do think you gotta button it up.

I do think you gotta button it up. I think that I also see through what this DM is doing, but sometimes you're just like, all right, they have something they really want to do. I'm here for that. Maybe I'm like being too nice and giving a generous read to the DM, but to me, it seems like they're just trying to make everything perfect.

Like they want to get to that like eventual encounter. So like they just like don't want there to be any pauses, any breaks, any friction, they just like want everything to like happen and like everything to be seamless. And so me that's why I'm rolling against. Exactly, this is what I'm sweating. I think that you can rule against them, but me as someone who's mostly a PC,

I feel like when I'm there and this happens, I smile and nod. Just drink your friends, be sweaty. Let's be sweaty. Yeah, I think though, unlike in other cases, I've said there are no heroes in this story. I think there are a lot of heroes in this story Yes I'm the green eminem

Yeah, everyone could be whatever green super here. They want to be awesome. Oh, Leprechaun. Okay, you can just be a leprechaun great Come my green team. Let us go the greatest hero of all What I was going to say you know one of those tiny little men that hide their treasure They're also Leprechaun your mastery of luck is a to us greatly this day They're also the horror movie. There's no more honor. Yes, Lebracad. Lebracad, your mastery of luck is aided us greatly this day. What I was going to say, you maniacs, is that I think your instinct to stick up for

your DM is good, because like I'm saying, the DM does put in a lot of work, so they're just trying to have kind of their story come to fruition. But I will say, as the DM, if you do want, like everybody has things that they wanna do or if they're thinking about the next leg of the battle or the next story beat. And you do need to work within some kind of mechanics or some kind of consistency to make it

not feel like complete bullshit. It's like, it's like, look, the players have a bag of tricks. They can cast invisible. They can misty step. They can have abilities that make them go fast. Like, have somebody cast expeditious retreat or something. You have to be able to kind of show your work. It's almost, it's like being a DM is kind of like showing your math homework to the teacher.

It's just like how you get the answer kind of matters. You know what I mean? Like, if these goblins get away, and it's because you say they have 90 speed out of nowhere, 80 speed out of nowhere, and they just run away, that is completely unsatisfying for the players. But if there are rogues in the party, if there are bards in the party,

if there are wizards in the party or whatever, and they see the goblins using similar tactics to what they do. If they have one goblin stays behind in fights and does a grapple to grab the person who's chasing the other goblin, who's getting away, who casts expeditious retreat or something, that's so much more satisfying

if you can see the work that went into it. And then as the DM, if the goblin doesn't get away, that's fine. The other bad guys find out some other way. You don't have to cheese it and force it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like the goblin's brothers could want to avenge the rest of them like that.

You should be able to show your work, I think. Yeah, I think that's fully fair and I think it's good advice for a DM, but as a player, I think I'm, I don't know who I side with in this story. I feel like the person who wrote in was like, I just feel like I got to stand with a DM. That's where I would be.

I gave my generous read, now I'm gonna give my disingenuous read. Is that a word? Oh, no. Gritty read, greedy. My greedy read, I like, yeah. 50 frugal king. These are great.

My greedy read here is the DM wants to win. That they want to like, they like can't stand. They're plans being foiled. And they just like, they have to win and they're not kind of making up reasons to win. And I don't like it. I think we got to stick the green team on them. Yeah.

You're gonna get it. You'll never find our gold. Let Percon throw gold coins at him. Keep him from getting away. Oh, I can't park with it. Green Eminem roll yourself like a boulder. What? What's the green Eminem's voice?

So yeah, you are again. That's so hot. All heroes in the story. All heroes in the story including the green Eminem story, including the green M&M. Right. I think that it's very nice of you to stand up for your DM. And I think you're doing a good thing. But I will say that, I understand the frustration of the players.

I am ruling against this DM kind of lightly. I think that I get what's going on. Lightly. Maybe you're close with the DM, let's use sidebar with the DM. You know, like the DM is like, hey thanks for standing up for me and then you say, yeah, totally. They have a boy, but I'm with you.

I'm with you. I'm so always cracked. I'm so excited. They have a boy. Yeah. And it might be so good today. Wait, what the hell? What the hell?

Yeah, you know, thought. Yeah. I think if you're punishing the DM. Yeah, if you need your goblins to get away or something, you need to like put enough abilities to get there to like drop, you know, like weigh the scale in your favor, not just fully put your hand on the scale in front of everyone. Should we punish them to study the game more at Come University?

Yeah. They do have to do a few semesters at the ass track. So ordered. And our next case comes from Ann Arca S to the sweet and beautiful judges and the Baylif dad, I guess. I recently joined a game and I'm a baby, not a dad. Recently I joined a game and pitched a witch class, which is just multi-classing, wizard, and druid, but reflavoring a bunch of stuff. I want my character to have to brew a bunch of their spells,

but the DM says I need to take levels and alchemist in order to do that. I understand if I was handing out spells before the battle, but all I'm doing is having my witch throw components into a cauldron and then splashing or scooping the liquid and using that as a means of delivery. Am I wrong to have my witch be splashing magical soup around the battle?

You're in your cauldron era, you're cackling, you've got words on your nose, you're kidding. Yeah, I would say if the DM was worried about you just like handing out your like spells or whatever, just like making potions. I get that, but it sounds like you're just reflavoring, just flavor. You're just a flavor.

Well, it's hard to know, right? Because maybe you are pitching something that is, they're thinking, oh, that's too powerful. If you're like, I'm a wizard druid, but they both use wisdom instead of intelligence or something like that, maybe. The submitter specifically said that they weren't using it as potions, right?

That it was just, right, they're not handing it out before. Yeah, they're not handing it out. It sounds like there's two of these. Yeah. So I think like, yeah, you should be able to flavor it kind of however you want this. You should be able to flavor your flavor.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, flavor the flavor. This sounds rad though. I'm picturing like a portable battle cauldron that's gonna make things in like on the battlefield like during combat, that's sick. Yeah. Super sick to just have hot stew

by your side. I'm excited. Absolutely. You should be able to flavor your stew like what you want. If I were your DM, I would absolutely roll with this. The stickler-ness around, you know, like, I don't know if somebody wanted to be an arcane archer

and they were just like, can I do it but have like a, I have like an archibus or something, I have like a magical gun or something like that and then being like, nope, it says you're an archer, you're an arcane archer and it's just like, okay, but why, why take that away from somebody if that's what they want? I gotta be honest, it was someone came to me and they were like, I wanna play a witch who's brewing stews, but I wanna make it an arcane archer, so I'm throwing stew at people. I would be like, okay, yeah. Okay, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I wanna found Halen Hardy in this universe. Yeah, I think I would allow like, reflavoring even more severe than this certain, like this is just to be like, just flavor for how you cast your spells just literally who cares yeah it's also weird because they're they're not just saying no but they're saying like you have to like change you have to do to do you have to multi-class and they already are multi-class yeah again if

they if the submitter didn't say that that they weren't handing this stuff out as potions then I might see where the DM's coming from, but it just seems it's not necessary. If somebody wanted to play a character and they're like, I want to play a war forage who has some kind of like magic charge backpack that lets them cast their spells or something. So they're a wizard, but it works in kind of like an artificial way, but they cast spells. You can just say yes, it's not big. They don't need to take a level of artifice or who the fuck cares. I love it when people really, really make something they're on.

Yeah, I don't know why you would discourage creativity in this way. Your DM is wrong. Yeah, unless this person is just lying to us. Oh, yeah. If anyone's been lying to us in any of these cases, I'm sure it had never happened, but it had happened out of the hundreds of cases we've done, let's say it's happened once, okay.

There's a PS here, Anarka says, PS, I'm fucking with you guys, I don't even play D.Y. Hate the show, Hate the show. What? Hate the show. Why is Beyonce and these people have Patreon? I'm sorry.

How many people have written PSI Hate the Show that you haven't read? Scroll through, Jake. Scroll through. There it is. I'm Tupacante. PS, just messing y'all. PPS Hate the Show. Dude, we're just getting this whole show. It's just a skinny troll PPS hate the show. We're just gonna get this whole show. It's just gonna be a troll. I don't ever want to hate this show. I hope we can get this whole.

We never heard of the ND hate the show. I'm a powered by apocalypse stand, fuck y'all. Wow. PPS, who are you? Yes, don't even know who you guys are. We've been five dollars to show your ass. We've been five dollars to show your ass. What?

How many people have lied to us in the 8-Jay show? How many people on our Patreon are doing this just to fuck with us? I'm scrolling through really quick. It looks like everyone. Every single person is just to fuck you with us. Everyone has a p.m. Ah!

Ah! Alright. Uh, okay, so I guess we got punished. So, so I guess yeah, so we got punished, but also we need to punish this DM. We are getting most punish the DM. I mean let's splash and move stew. Whoa!

Okay, you're taking for a soup plantation and fucking up their day. I was gonna say since they hate stew so much, maybe they're not allowed to have any heated liquid anymore. Oh! So no hot showers. No coffee. Whoa. Yeah, guess what?

No more coffee unless you want to have cold brew then that's fine That's a good joke. That's a loophole for sure. They could also have to make you a What was the what was the love interest a talentless hunk who knows how to treat me? Yeah, oh yeah It was a boy next door type who knows how to treat me Miss necessarily I heard boy next door and turned it into this talentless hunk. All he can do is make soup. His hunk is so talentless.

Babe, want more soup? Wow. It's funny because that's all I aspire to be. He's so hot but your soup is so bad. You're so fucking talentless. I've got three different vats in here, babe. It's all different variations of chili soup. You're gorgeous, but you don't know what you're doing.

To be so gorgeous and a hunky, you have to be at least talented at like, I don't know, like, goaming your hair or something. You're like, yeah. I'm saying you're pressure, you're tea. I don't know. Honey, I love you. Here's some Italian wedding soup that I made.

The beans are still in the can, inside love you. Here's some Italian wedding soup that I made. The beans are still in the can inside the soup. I love you most arguably. Please, Slurp Micaspacho. You served it with a fork and knife. You fly idiot. It's called a slurp. Go on. Okay, so what's the punishment? I think you can't have hot liquids. Yeah, I can't have hot liquids. And that talentless boy next door is going to be

preparing all their meals. It's going to be their sous chef. Free of hot water. It's hot water. And stock. Okay, stock. You're stock. Great, so ordered.

Our next case comes from Lux to the glam judges and the bailiff. I am seeking a judgment for a case that has not happened yet. Okay. Okay. I'm planning my first in-person one shot in three years. It is going to start at an auction house and probably end in a battle between large groups on the ruins of a civilization on a giant tortoise. I've been building a detailed world for a very long time.

And in the final battle, I want to make the fact that there are big forces that play seem fair to my players. I plan to have them roll to see how many new combatants enter the battlefield each turn. Think D20 Mind Flayer thralls, for example. The point will not be to kill all the combatants, instead it will be to secure the artifacts stolen from the auction. But I don't plan to actually tell my players how to win. Am I a cruel and reprehensible DM for setting up a final battle where all my players could

die if they don't think critically. PS, I plan to leave lots of bread crumbs on how to emerge victorious, so please punish my players somehow. PPS, I don't actually play, hate the show. Oh, damn. Wow. This sounds like incredibly ambitious for a one shot. Yeah, I feel like this is classic one shot mistake

of like you've written a campaign. Yeah. But, you know, I don't know is classic one shot mistake of like you've written a campaign. Yeah. But, you know, I don't know, we're used to playing for episodes where we had to cut things together and everything. Sometimes people sit and play for 12 hours, which is kind of the at home way to play. Yeah, if you're, I mean, it seems fun to like start so small at an opera house. And then by the end, you're like in this cosmic battle on the back of a turtle. That seems like a fun reveal.

It doesn't very cool. I'm picturing the music changes. It sounds great. Yeah, very discreet. I am a little bit confused. So the DM here is saying that things are gonna be stolen from the auction house. There's gonna be a battle on the back of a tortoise

with multiple factions. With multiple factions, but it's not gonna be clear that the goal is to get the artifacts back. This DM is basically saying like, there's going to be a huge battle field war type thing where there's constantly new combatants and the only way to actually win is to secure the artifact, not fight anybody.

I mean, that seems easy enough to hint to your players during the battle. Yeah, I would encourage you to think of, because right now what you're describing, I don't guess I would encourage you to think of ways to make sure that the PCs still feel like an active part of this battle. Yeah, right. Right. Because when you have a ton of factions, it feels like there's only one answer. Yeah, you don't want your PCs sitting there while you have your bad guys fight each other. Yeah.

Yeah. So, I feel like if you're setting up something with a bunch of factions and also saying that maybe the objective is to not fight? It seems so, I think you're kind of doing yourself a little bit of a disservice because you don't want your players to think that you're setting up anything on fair. So you're setting up all this fun stuff, like they roll to see how many enemy combatants there are in the different factions and everything.

That's all very cool. But I think if you're gonna do all that stuff in front of the table, you are doing yourself a little disservice if you're not going to have, not even the little bread crumbs, if you're not gonna like really wink and kind of like almost actually say what the players should do,

they might just be standing there spinning their wheels. If the players don't know what to do, that's not fun. I think the trick here, and I'm realizing that this submitter just tricked us into giving them advice. How dare you? We will punish them. We will punish them. Cause they could say they hated the show. You're right.

They've never played the show. What's your endgame here? What is your fucking endgame? I think they're like, where are you coming from? Yeah. They mentioned like, a relic. And I think that's cool.

I think like, you need to like, divide this into two sections. Like, you've got the auction house. And like, once your players have the relic and like, that's secured, then everybody's coming for them. And you can do it like a chase or a battle. secured, then everybody's coming for them and you can do it like a chase or a battle, but everybody's focused on them, so they're still the focus.

It's not like you've got factions fighting against each other or anything like that. I think you have to have that clear shift. And that's when the wheels can come off, but you're putting new wheels on, so it's fine. That's a really good idea too, because once the relic is in their possession, then they see bad guys coming for it. They're like, okay, this is a powerful relic We need to keep it safe from bad guys rather than there's an auction. Here's this here is this thing No one knows what's going on. Yeah, yeah, and then it's like you run and run and run and oops You almost fall off the side of a turtle all the other enemies fall off the side of a turtle except for one

There you go, then your final battle begins. I like that. Yeah, it feels like this DM is like, there's a possibility that all of my players could die if they choose the wrong thing. And it feels like committing to that is an error. I think so. I think so. Yeah, I think everybody die in this battle

that's completely hopeless. I think let the dice kill your players, not necessarily. There's, yeah, there's a prepared for that. Like making a tough battle and it's like somebody dies on the way to, like in the middle of a quest of like they're like reaching for something or they're trying to get them a guffin

that they need to end the battle. That's a satisfying death, whereas just being like, okay, I'm standing here and there's 10 mind flares. They all hit me. I made the mistake of standing here and trying to fight them one round. And now I'm dead. What was I supposed to do?

Oh, okay. Well, I'm already dead. So that's that, I guess. Okay, like, and if the player shrugs their shoulders after they're dead, that's not gonna be good. Right. All right, so you guys later. You should have got the artifact.

Alvenmo everyone for the snacks. Yeah. And let me know if you loved this one shot. You want to continue it into a multi-travel. I've got a tortile world. A tortile world. We've only scratched the surface of the shell. Yeah, but it's, it's not.

You've got a lot of fun details here. Yeah, it sounds really fun. And I, yeah, I agree like, don't be afraid to make it clear. Because there's, there's still gonna fuck up even if it's clear. And the dice are still gonna complicate things. And there's still gonna be hurdles. And let me tell you, if you save all of that

like bigger cosmological stuff for the end, ooh, that's gonna be a tasty tease. And then you're gonna get yourself what you want, what I think you secretly want is a full-time session. Yeah, right. That's what I'm thinking is, like you're almost setting yourself up to have to do, have it be only a one shot.

What if everyone's vibing and having a great time? The punishment is that it has to be a full campaign. Yeah. We're gonna rule against you because- We're gonna punish you and say, you have too much prepared for a one shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're about to punish a campaign. So we think it roll against you because- We're gonna punish you and say you have too much repaired for a one shot. Yeah, yes, we're a bad guy. So we have to punish you to make a campaign.

So we think it should be a- You need to cancel your trip to Venice because you're gonna be running this weekly for the next year. Twice a week, actually. Twice a week, yeah, for sure. Congratulations. So ordered. And with that, let us step into church together.

We're gonna baptize you, your baby. Yes. Oh, Jake. Yeah, go ahead, how does it go? How does Baptais, I've never- It's been in the work of a splash in with water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should have some baptisms.

Just to say some stuff. Uh-huh. Great. I don't recall it, it was a long time ago that I was baptizing. I was baptizing. You don't remember your baptism? No. I remember my baptism. I got baptized when I was in a middle school because I was going to church to hang out with my friends and I got baptized and it was a really weird experience. I don't remember what they said. All I remember was water

dripping down my face and not knowing if I was allowed to wipe it away. Oh my God. So I could actually set the record for latest baptism in the mad punk group. You good. I'm currently holding. I'm currently clutching that record. Okay. Always bragging about how old she was when she got baptized. For the one year my life that I went to church and my parents were like, why is she going to church now?

Guys, to hang out with Amy and Andrea. We could have the worst live show ever, where we just baptized Jake and do nothing else. Jesus. The one show I'm in, no show for. Okay, Christina writes, may it please the court and the church, I come prostrating myself with a dice Christ confessional confessional. I am a DM, and when planning my encounters, I often find myself underestimating my players.

They often roll so well that they are absolutely wamping me. So behind the screen, during the battle, to ensure that the fight won't end so fast, I buff the enemy's HP. This has never caused a player, death, or anything, but it haunts me knowing I buff the enemy while the battle has already begun. Should I just have had faith and received dice-christ royal-wamping? Can I be forgiven? Oh, my friend, we are siblings in sin! I have done this too! Fla-me before the court and the church! Lay bare the strips of my flesh!

Yeah, my let this guy baptize me. I don't know what part of church this was. The sin that boils underneath bleed out. I don't know, I'm getting a little intense here. This was not my experience with my ear. There was a rock band and the pharmacist was the lead singer. It was a rock band?

Yeah. Okay, cool. And the pharmacist was the lead singer. It was a rock band. Yeah. Okay. Cool. And the pharmacist was the lead singer. Yeah, pharmacist named Christy was the lead singer. Christy. That's so tall.

I still remember. She's like middle schoolers wanted to hang out at this church. Stay young out at. And you got baptized in Baja Blast. Yeah. They shot it from a t-shirt can anyway. Anyway, let's say synagogue was not that cool, but it was definitely cooler than Coltville's church.

I think that you've been sufficiently want, you should have taken your first wamping, and then in the future you set, you homebrew your guys, you have more HP, specifically going into the battle. I very rarely use just straight out of the book monsters. I always have them tailored to, you know, like what I what I think would be like a good encounter. Yeah, I would say if you let them want you, then you learn like where

they're at too. Yeah, true. And also, also if you go for wantings and then you come in better prepared if you go in if your players do like, you know, 200 damage around or something like that and you come in with, you know, like a 100 HP bad guy or something and just gets swamped. That's just funny. That's just, you know, you just take your wamping that one time. And then the next time if the big bad has like 300 HP and let's say the players still

somehow managed to take them down in two rounds that still feel satisfying because your players are sitting there being like, well I crit and this person crit and we did all of this damage and they get to really feel like they did something. So this will not feel dissatisfying if you just get this stuff done before the session. Yeah, would be my suggestion. I guess just think about it this way. You are the one that is giving your players

all the little treats and levels and boons. You're making them monsters, so you're gonna make your monster stuff for two. Ha ha ha. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, the balanced stuff or in the DM's guide is like pretty off. Yeah, that stuff is off and I feel like,

and I think the only reason I would suggest taking your wampings is that then you better learn how to make battles for that specific group. Yeah, and if you're worried about them wamping the villain in the session ending too quickly, just have a party afterwards. Just have a party on the courts of the villain. And give them all talentless hunks to Ronan.

It's beautiful. But so forgiving, I think Hey, but got the child. You've already suffered because you've taken away the fun of getting womps, getting womps sometimes is fun. And then also, you know, again, beef the HP of the dudes beforehand. And then when your players do beat you, it'll feel cool. Like, instead of just being Calvin Ball and just, you know, whatever happens happens. True.

And with that, So forgiven. So forgiven. So forgiven. We're gonna wrap this up. So forgiven. Thank you all so much for listening. You can listen to bonus cases over on our Patreon,

patreon.com slash nadpod. It's NADD, DDPOD, don't sing yet. Woo-hoo! Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug? I just want to double down on the Carnegie plug. Yeah. October 7th, it is going to be a fun ass time. Yes, there's going to be live music.

We're going to be singing a different campaign. It's going to be super, super cool. Five-year anniversary show at Carnegie Hall in New York. So be on look out for that, October 7th. We have other shows as well. Minneapolis on September 13th for Dungeon Court. have other shows as well, Minneapolis on September 13th for Dungeon Court. We're gonna be in Madison on September 14th.

We'll go in there. We on September 15th. I'm going to Chicago on September 16th. Oh, across the bridge. And Chicago's a Dungeon Court Los Angeles. And take a boat there. Also a Dungeon Court on October 26th. There's a lot of shows called.

I'm gonna take a little high. I'm gonna open that city. People are gonna have a hard time digesting the information. Denver is October 27th. A lot of shows called, I'm gonna dig a little high. I'm gonna make it up in FD. People are gonna have a hard time digesting the information. Denver is October 27th. Skiing down the hill. Sacramento is October 28th. Taking a car. Portland, Stungeon, Port Live on October 29th.

Big slingshot, Las Vegas, November 10th. Just rolling me out of a cup like a yawse. New Orleans, November 14th. Orlando, November 15th 15 and a dungeon, cord live and fourth. I'm not going to that one. I'm not going to, number 17.

You can't drop, so you have to be there. I am tired, I am tired. I am the travel. I hope you could digest. Okay, well, I'm going to put you in a yatsy ball. And you're all a yatsy cup and while you understand. I did it.

A little scam. Well, my spare amount of a guide, I'll sign there. Power through. You can follow us on social media that we're here and I use adCH for a sweet accolade. He's called all day. I use Emily and Jack Hertz. He's Jake.

And he can tweet about the show using hashtag nadpod.com. That's NADDDPOD. We are, we are. We are, we are. We are, we are. We are, we are. We are, we are.

We are, we are. We are, we are. We are, we are. We are, we are. We are, we are. We are, we are. We are, we are! The use of the nation! Beep beep my car so small. It's the end of the show everybody and that means Jin-tan-jin-tan-jin-tan-jin-tan-jin-tan-tan-jin-tan-tan-tan-jin-tan-tan-tan-jin-tan-tan-tan-jin-tan-tan-tan-jin-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan- Owl! Daniel G. Katie G. Dungeon Mama. Okay, maybe a little bit sexual. Daniel the Dastardly Dame. Beardman Dan. Danny P. Vincent W. Victor T. A. K. A. Bounders boy. Hoyd's friend. Just an eye. Danny Danster. Ragnar Fearedwind. TJM. The Noom Barbarian. Trailey the Cray Faye. Christopher B. Daniel R. Jordan L. Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald. Princess YR.

Michael L. Jack L. Sam L. Nicholas C. Star of every film ever made in Bohemia. Now currently starting in anything in solidarity with the WGA and SAG After. Thank you, Nicholas C.

Mike H. Alka Smeltzer Plus, great value Gemma, Adam G. Tyler F. Panama James, Haradrian, Rex Daniel the White, Diana DL, C.C. Lulu, Timmy R, Lucas B, RICO, it's Kevin, Calder will come cold again, Winter is coming, hashtag CCC forever. Shout out to my ferry followers. Taylor B, the vengeful one-winged angel. Cascade board, Cass. Mike K, Lady Taco. Victoria M. Bohumia's number one nail tag.

Jake L. Nick W. Swashbuckling, Swack Snagger. William W, Big Bad Beard of the Mad, Riot, Ryan, Hungry Dave's Frisbee Golf Bud, and Anna Rama. Percival Frederick Stein von Usel Klasowski, De Rolo III, Adom, The Simple Dimples, J. Dragonborn, Vincent Thromes, you are D, The Sandrian, Ben A. Dave H. Catherine S. David K. Krish Janness, Dustin S. Connor F. Hock Ey Pierce, Book Bar's assistant Izzy F. DPC is awesome. Sean, the shade tree mechanic of Zilbaldar. Summer Rose, aka Grand Terre. Marke Mark the Marvelous Mining Engineer.

Killslay, Mesa of House and Zunza, Ariel the occasional mermaid, Selina N, aka Valacy Raptor, B. Perky Always, Pat L, Lauren H, Talia, Ryan S, the Bone Duster, Ball Business Illustrator asking for a request. You know, D&D courts are hard to think of things that are visually interesting, so why don't we say Princess Shiverblight on the stand really sweating and clearly lying about something. Ploups, Carly A, Conor S, Celil, Leviathan, Bioquart 7, Amber Dextrous, Sydney T, Jack H, Crabsdor Champion of Crod, Scuttling

Sideways towards tomorrow. A-Frex, Lindsay W, Juicy Kiwi, and NADCord presents a little picnic called Mangias Central Park October 7th 3PM. Okay. Valon, Carl and C, Emily S, Noah the Bagel of all things, James G, everything Bego, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet Badger Stripey, Dandy, Eric B, Marcos, learns the balance druid, Dakota JP, Freedom Hollow, Pogos Betrothed, Self-proclaimed Faye Prince, until Halloween 2023, Stay Tuned, Tracey P, The Crick--L-Flybrarian, and D.E.

Maggie S, the 2022 spellcheck champion. Holly Hyena, Christie Z, Liesy, Hunter H, May B, Pixel Stars, Akash T, Dufinius, Cal, just Cal, Edison N, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time. Cody C, our friend Simon, trying to enlist to the silver serpent, but her dreams are hard to comprehend. Keychains pent him to processor, Lorelie the succubus, and Kyra her busty queen. Your friendly neighborhood yaunt and a youngcle, Andrew and Sid, nope sorry, just promoted to Mom and Dad, baby Nadpole coming December, congrats.

John Adams, yes like the president, Meg the male carrier, manager of Bohumia, who has gotten promoted due to her superb service to Simon. James F, M4L, Austin S, Wayfarer has now settled into their new life in the Fey realm as a florist what could go wrong. Shane C. Barpo Good Barrel. Barred Barion. Mary Beth C. Says C. You all in Chicago and NYC. Thank you for joining us Mary Beth C. Contender in the making. Welsh Lander. Garrett G. AKA one big curd. Mr. D. Dana the Daisy. Sean J. Ethan B, Renee the Monster Captain, Box, Clifton, the once in medium king, Hopes, Dagger, the only Dagger of Hope, Olivia the enchanting bard

who is working hard on her audition for the lead singer of the mountain crows, Winter Slade, Forest H, aka Life is like a box of Martha Togold sticky buns, Riley S, Feiko, Angry Wheat, Thrath, the Demon Lord of Spite, Anthony the Radist of Dude, so secured as Carnegie Hall tickets for himself and his lovely partner, Josh the finest of dudes. Josh H, Mango and Panadas, Clementine T, Caleb L, support, Ferris Say Hi, Hashtag Calder,

will come cold again. Cantrip Dumbledore, the bear onesie wearing barbarian. MJ, the BFG, drinking tea by the sea. Dogs of Babel, Calvia Silverfang, Geno T, Mama Bell. The Silver Serpent herself. Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, and that's how she eats two. Funer, Bouchick, oh, wow, wow.

Derek D, Tristan G, Leon K, legendary hero of Bohumi Up from a future campaign. Alex K, Joshua P, Alexander, Lins W, Angel, La Pamela Sandra, Hyphen Rita, M-S, Red, the Reforged, Warforged, Dragon Knight 86, the godly king, hard ones, hot, hump, gunk, Shelby, who now arrived in 2022 following the 2.2 crew into Humea. Jake S, stale bread on salad, aka cruton, Jackson R, T3R, HX, Michelle, Andrew S, Nova B, the death cord bard,

Katelyn D, Z-Borb, Blake H, Big Bev's Bestie, Lloyd, the rat that controls my Sarah Bellum, Opa, Remi from Reda, Toe-E style, Shelby C, Pop-O, Sky Days, Mimaw Sky Days, Haley the human, Lord, Daemon, Duke of the dungeon, Megan N, the big M, and finally, bagpipes of code. Thank you all so much for listening. Thank you to all of our benevolent council of elders and our Patreon subscribers. You can listen to more Dungeon Court over on patreon.com slash

nat pod that's any dpod until then, thank you to all of our listeners. We'll catch you all next time. to all of our listeners, we'll catch you all next time.