Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Super Hot NPCs
Episode Date: May 27, 2022Welcome to Dungeon Court! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner, Axford, and the newly respected Bailiff Hurwitz as they convent to pass judgement on your trials at the table. Support us at Patre...on.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Get tickets to our upcoming live shows at naddpod.com/live.CREDITS:Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam WeillerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Welcome to Dungeon Court.
Dun Dun Dun Dun.
Dun Dun Dun.
Oh yeah, I am your Supreme Crit Justice Murphy, joined by Supreme Crit Justice's Axford and Tanner and the Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Lollie, Loll What a come up. I love you and we appreciate you. Whoa, should we have a really positive J.
Yeah, let's have a positive J.
This is our positive J.
Fudge.
Yeah, great.
I don't want to see the backlash for this.
He's fucking cool and he's good looking and he's awesome.
Let's get into it.
J. You're looking great.
You got some hair done there.
The beard is flowing.
Oh, this makes me so uncomfortable.
Pay lift, take me to paradise.
Oh my God.
Jake, you've been spending so much time amongst the loley worms that you've become attuned
to nature.
You're a deity.
Wow.
You have decomposed into the perfect solar composition to sprout a beautiful flower.
Like a phoenix I'm rising from the ashes.
Jake and Bloom. Jake and Bloom.
Here you hear ye.
Crit is now in session.
The honorable Supreme Crit Justices acts for
in Murphy and Tanner presiding.
Our first case comes from Woohoo indeed.
Our first case comes from Brady M.
And Brady writes,
to the great and honorable Justices
and to the great but certainly not honorable bailiff. Whoa. Hey, that's my friend. That's tough, Brady. I can't believe you. It's
pretty. Come on now. This is my friend Jake. Okay. We are being so manipulative. He's a really
good guy. He's a great guy and a great friend. He rose from worms.
How dare you.
King of the worms, Jake Herwoods, we love him.
I'm so sorry for interrupting you, Jake.
Come on.
Thank you, man.
It makes me so deeply uncomfortable.
It feels like someone's gonna get pulled out from under me.
I think that's why I'm liking it so much.
I'm watching you absolutely squint and re-eating.
It's like popular kids in high school
being way too nice to you.
And you're like, no, you're playing a joke on me.
Who fucking is this going?
We're just going to drop.
I'm waiting for it.
As the DM, I'm running an apocalyptic campaign
focused on survival.
And when we had a session's year,
I was very upfront about this.
This is crazy.
Can I, I'm sorry, can I interrupt?
Because this is just crazy.
Literally last night in my dream, I was in an apocalyptic dream.
I have those all the time because I don't know, they're more fun than normal nightmares.
And in the dream, I was like, for some reason, I don't know how I was able to think this.
I was like, I need to run a survival campaign.
It is so fun trying to survive.
Yeah.
It was basically thinking back on my dream
it was basically Fortnite
because we were infiltrating various things
to find weapons.
Classic survival situations.
So I was in Fortnite in my dream.
I feel like I'm in a dream.
So good awesome dream.
Right, so it was like survival,
but also Dr. Strange was there.
Yeah, what I'm trying to say is Brady,
I love that you're running a survival game.
And in my dream last night, my subconscious was like, Emily, you must do this.
So you're on the move.
Yeah, Emily's dreams approve of this campaign.
So Brady writes, my players keep track of rations, water, and even materials to make healing
potions.
Our Elven fighter uses a bow.
And every time I ask them about the amount of ammunition they have,
they'd always respond with, I should be good.
So I started writing down how many arrows they'd released and not collected.
I even warned them that their quiver was feeling lighter.
When they finally took their 20th shot after I started keeping track, I narrated how as they went to pull an arrow out,
they reached back and found none left in their quiver.
My player was furious, claiming that their character sheet
is their responsibility, and I violated their privacy,
and that if my world was my world,
then their character should be their character.
Just to see, I besieged thee.
Did I reach a boundary I was unaware of?
And was I too harsh in my punishment?
If so, I'll humbly accept whatever punishment
you deem necessary.
I wanna throw out one thing, this is not a ruling at all.
I feel like, because I've played in campaigns where I tend to play a lot of healers and
as a healer, like the healing resource will be managed.
And sometimes it feels like you get punished for like, kind of gathering your spell components
while the ranger just magically has as many arrows as they want.
So I don't mind balancing,
my first thought is, well,
if you're gonna make it hard for some classes,
then it does make sense to make it hard for all classes.
Also, it sounds like that's what this campaign is.
Yeah, they were warned several times.
I feel like essentially what happened
is this player wants to be able to cheat.
Kind of.
Yeah.
Because you should show you what I do. I mean, he be able to cheat. Kind of. Yeah. Because you should show you what you're doing.
I mean, he'd like to cheat.
You should just be mad that this happens.
The only way you could get mad is by being like,
no, dude, I've got it on my paper.
I've still got four arrows left or something.
I've been keeping track of this.
I look at this more than you do.
That's a fine defense, but it just be like, how dare you? I mean, they got no like stand on, yeah.
Yeah.
From what you've read, I almost feel like this player
is not on board with the conceit of this world
because saying, I should be good.
Yeah.
I should be good.
Yeah, no, we're looking all right.
We're actually pretty no clear.
This has the energy of like somebody getting caught cheating
like in a text message, and then somebody be like,
you violated my privacy by reading my messages.
Yeah, like, to do, no, I was totally fletching arrows.
I was fletching, I was fletching during that short rest.
I, yeah, I can sympathize with this archer
because like, really?
He, they're playing the sort of dumb ass D&D.
I like to play where you just keep it fast and loose
and are not paying attention to this sort of thing.
And then later on, retroactively ask the DM,
if you can say that you fletched a bunch of arrows
during a short rest.
But like, I think that it was laid out pretty clearly up top
that like that was not the situation.
Like you gotta be, you gotta be doing fletch checks.
You gotta be making sure that the arrows are knocked
and ready to go.
And they were not doing that.
Do you think that if this character was constantly being
like every time they shot something,
the DM would be like, okay, we're moving on to this thing
or whatever and the character is like,
well wait, I'm gonna go retrieve my arrows.
Let's roll to see how many I can retrieve.
I like that.
Would the DM like that?
I think so.
That's like what the DM wants.
I think the DM would like it,
because it seems like when I was thinking of survival
and my dream it was more about
being running away.
Yeah, right, yeah, doing dances and dropping it.
Dance and it was air,
playing as good as, yeah.
That's Kakashi sense.
Right, yeah.
Sephiroth is there for some reason.
But, but it sounds like this DM is like,
part of the fun for us is like,
let's do some resource management,
which I also get into.
So I feel like, I feel like the DM would have liked it.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I guess I kind of games, like in video games,
if you look at like Resident Evil,
that's about resource management.
You don't wanna have infinite ammo in Resident Evil
or else the game is too easy.
But then if you play like Doom or Duke Nukem,
you don't wanna constantly be searching for ammo,
that's no fun.
So it's just a different kind of game.
And Breath of the Wild, you're always picking up your arrows.
Yeah, and it's not even that hard to do.
You're like, hey, I'm gonna go like pick up my arrows.
You're right, it's just like a D10 roll
or a D6 or however many arrows you got. It's like, it doesn't take that much.
But it sounds like this person wasn't even looking. They didn't even care. They were
just kept saying I think I'm good. And then also I sort of, I don't like this move of bringing
it to this very loaded thing of being like, oh yeah. This is your world. But my, I'm in charge
of my character. You're in charge of the world.
How many arrows you have isn't quite a,
it's not a private thing.
I know, fucking Aaron Sorkin bullshit is what it is.
It's like, sir, you made control of the sphere,
but I am a lowly island upon that sphere.
You have no dominance over my island, sir.
It just, it seems like they were trying to like make
a big and passion speech, and I can't get behind it.
It's a weird, it's a weird move in the argument
where it's just like, actually, I'm gonna say something
that in my defense, you're a bad person.
You actually, you know what?
I lied to you're a bad person.
Right.
There's also a feeling of like, I think it's like not,
it's just not a synonymous situation
because it is like being a DM is like planning a party
and getting at the tables like being a party goer.
So it is kind of like showing up to someone else's party
and being like, cool, this might be your party,
but it's my night.
Yeah.
It's just like, yeah, there might be people
with a bunch of allergies and shit,
but I'm not telling anyone what's in the brownies.
I'm not telling fucking anyone.
This is my recipe.
If you have a fucking fry, green nut allergy
and there's nuts in here, you just have to roll the dice.
So does it sound like we're rolling against this player?
Yeah, wow.
Starting off with a DM ruling.
I love it.
Wow.
We've been favoring the players recently.
I think that I'm going to roll with the DM,
but I will say, Brady, if you're looking for anything
that you could be doing differently,
and this is maybe something you've already done.
So it might be a completely moot point.
But like, you know, just making sure that you have a communication.
Like this is this type of campaign with your characters.
Maybe it sounds like it sounds like it's been going well.
So I'm guessing your PCs are on board.
But if you had an inkling, oh, they might not be on board.
It might be worth communicating.
And you can also already have.
That's true.
Ignore all this Brady.
The players maybe like it, like this aspect of the campaign
when they're succeeding.
And it sounds like you might need to be so blunt
to the point where instead of being like,
your quiver is feeling light.
You need to be like, you feel like you've got three arrows left.
Oh, that's good.
You feel like maybe you can only fire that bow to your chest.
You reach in and you feel the feathers of one arrow.
You reach in and grab the last of your two arrows.
Yes.
Brady, if you're good at keeping track of stuff like that, because a lot of people are not,
that is a skill that you possess to be able to manage that level of inventory while
also running a campaign.
Yeah, I would say just lean into that.
Use that skill to help your players out a little more.
I mean, especially if it's getting dire like this and you don't want them to fail on a technicality.
Also, yeah, it's definitely not a complete given that DMs don't track this stuff.
I often don't, but definitely, I know when we played D20,
Brennan has our HP tracked in everything like that.
And like, we would definitely have a discussion
if there was like a discrepancy, I'm sure that would be.
We also has people like monitoring it for it.
Totally, yeah.
So you each have an HP boy, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, like a ballboy in tennis.
He runs and intakes her hip points in
Get done it when I yell at him like John McEnroe
You broke a tennis racket
Yeah, we also all have tennis rackets under the yeah, old wooden tennis racket. It's definitely broke
Freak out and break our character sheets over our knee. It's really laborious.
Okay, wait, I have a good punishment for the player.
They have to dress like a ballboy,
but then work at a baseball game.
What?
So they keep trying to run onto the field.
So just be a ballboy.
Right, right, right, but they're in the wrong sport.
So then they're like getting tackled by outfielders
and stuff like that.
There are ball boys to baseball.
I think they're technically called bat boys.
Bat, okay.
But they don't know.
Oh, so color set.
You have to wear tennis outfit.
Great, yeah.
And you have to.
What about this, don't you understand?
Yeah, and then when you get on the field
and people say, are you a batboy?
You have to say no my ball boy and you have a chance loose balls in the outfield
Right, yeah, yeah, you're chasing the baseball and you're fighting off baseball players
But you don't belong there because you're a tennis ball boy not a baseball
And you have to do that thing where you get when you get the ball you hold it behind your back
So it seems kind of like your troll Yeah, and you can't you can't try to jump back over the wall
You have to stay in the outfield and you can't you also can't explain that this was a it was a punishment from a dungeon court
Yeah, so people you know why you're doing it and you just have to keep insisting of just a huge fan of tennis and I always wanted to be a ball boy
That's gonna be really fun because for all of the people
in the stands it's gonna be like a game because there are
going to be officials chasing you trying to get you
out of there. So it's gonna be like oh, the ball boys on the field
again. I really think that this would make baseball even more fun.
Yeah, I think there should be more rogue boys.
They have stopped. They've stopped showing people on camera when they jump on the field. Okay, so you won't even be getting
any punishment. So you're not even going to get any credit for this. Punishment is a private
one. But you're going to get a lot of love at the stadium. At the stadium. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, anyone who's there is definitely going to be like, anyone else kind of love in this
fall boy, this tent is fall. Yeah, honestly, this is a punishment,
but a little bit, it's a little bit of a prize, frankly.
Yeah, we're all a little jealous
that you get to be the ball boy.
Okay, so ordered.
Unless someone else had a punishment.
No, I feel like that was too elaborate to get rid of.
Yeah, we can unwind this.
Okay, because we could also just do like stocks. Why? Oh yeah, a day of the stock
I thought you meant like
Investance bed stocks. How about a day at the stock market? You got to invest in NFTs right now
God you have to go become an NFT by getting a picture of yourself as the ballboy at a baseball game
All right, okay.
They've got a lot, a lot to handle in the next couple days.
Our next case comes from Brennan C.
They write, me, please, the Holy and Righteous Court
and also I think it was Baylif John.
That's so good.
No, no, that's Jake Herwitz.
Wow.
That's Jake Herwitz.
He's a hilarious comedian, writer, director, actor.
Jake and Amir, look at his skin.
A ground-breaking searing skin.
A ground-breaking searing.
It's going to be a good thing.
It's going to be a good thing.
One of the first.
And I don't normally go for very straight teeth,
but you have a nice set of straight teeth.
I really don't. Okay.
Yeah.
For someone with the elbows that you have, you really work those elbows well.
Thank you.
What do you mean work the elbows?
Just like for like the elbows you're working with for like your whole elbow situation,
you really open well.
Okay.
It feels like that's a backhand problem.
I don't know that call book out the assignment, but go on, Jacob.
I present the case of the obliterated backstory.
I created a character that was a medieval microbiologist
druid who was trying to prove that bacteria existed.
Okay.
When I first introduced the character and brought up the fact
that I was trying to prove to the world
that microorganisms exist, my party members loudly
proclaimed their knowledge about bacteria
that pretty much everyone living in the fantasy world also knew about it.
My DM had already told them my backstory before we played, so they knew I was on the hunt for shit's particle related science.
I asked you, a merciful council, was I robbed of my backstory or should I stop presuming the level of scientific knowledge possessed by my party?
Okay, first off, you ran your backstory by the DM. The DM decides what is common knowledge.
Yeah.
So the party can't say, the party can't really say,
oh, actually everyone in this world knows about that
because the DM already said, no, this is a fun backstory.
Interesting.
I'm wondering, does everyone else in this world know
that bacteria exist or is it just like the party members
trying to reaffirm your mission by being like,
yeah, we believe you.
We believe you about the little guys.
If it was that, they wouldn't have thrown it into our show.
Yeah, that's probably true.
There would be good friends.
What should I do about this, Jay?
Yeah, I feel like it was done with malons.
Yeah, it was done with malons.
I thought in the question they said,
no, everyone knows about bacteria.
Like the war, everyone in the world knows about bacteria.
Oh, that's so cruel.
Yeah, they brought up their characters like mission
and then all of their party was like,
oh, we already know about bacteria.
It seems like you kind of got trolled a little bit.
Right, so they got your own.
So I think my initial reaction is that you're probably right, and these people are probably
being bullies, but let's take a moment and try to defend the bullies.
Oh, I think that's always important.
Let's just try to...
There should be a segment that we do in the future.
To defend the bullies.
Welcome to the bully pulpit with Murph.
Ha ha ha, the bull pit.
Hey.
Jump into the bull pit.
I'm trying to see the party side here, because it does seem like they kinda threw you
under the bus, but let's entertain this.
Let's play devil's advocate for a moment.
It is a little bit of a frustrating thing
in storytelling when something the audience already knows
is true, is being like explored.
You know what I mean?
I was gonna say that it's a bit of a curve ball
to get thrown, right?
When like to be like, you don't know this exists
and then you're like, suddenly I have to improvise
that which it could be really fun,
but it's a little bit intellectual
so it might not be the most instinctually easy thing
to fuck around with.
But I mean, I guess like bacteria
doesn't come up that much.
I don't, I don't discuss it that much with my pals.
I don't think I know shit about bacteria myself.
Yeah.
So I could, you know that it's really real place.
Yeah.
It would be really fun though to think that germs were like little animals or sprites or
something like that.
And this person is trying to be like, oh no, they're actually this, you know?
Yeah.
He almost feel like it's better the other way where you're trying to prove the existence of
like fantastical little microorganisms.
Yeah.
That's just like better for D&D maybe.
Not to, I feel like I'm, I'm, I don't know.
This is like such a very specific backstory.
I feel like it's a very good starting point maybe.
Yeah.
It does feel like a bit limiting, especially for a fantasy campaign.
Maybe I'm being critical, I don't know.
I mean, you're judging them.
That's true.
It is my role in my job.
This person was kind of just being like a little dweep, right?
Because they're doing like, science shit.
Science shit.
Holy, I hadn't considered that.
Jake brought you a good boy.
I actually love it.
Okay, so I guess this little dwee loves it. But I can understand how because suddenly as a
player, suddenly as a player, you're like, okay, what are all the
things? It's hard. You almost have to do a mental list of what are
all the things that I would joke about? What are all the things that I
know to exist that are based off of the knowledge of bacteria?
You know, or like, of microorganism,
essentially.
So I don't, and that might suddenly,
it might just be too much of a curveball.
I will say, coming down from the bully pulpit
for just a second, rising out of the bull pit.
Nerd.
Oh, where did you get that egg?
I had it in my pocket.
Take that plate.
That's so cool.
No wonder you're on the varsity team.
I just feel like if you tell this to your fellow players
and insist that it's important to you and your backstory,
and then they just kind of undermined it instantly,
that seems a little rough.
My reaction in that moment would just ask another player
would be like, what are you talking about?
Tell me more about this.
I've never believed it.
You know, it's like a simple way.
To defend the bullies once again.
Yeah.
I'm actually coming around.
I think I'm coming around to bully sides.
You are kind of setting it up so that your character is smart
and everyone else is a dumbass.
You know what I mean?
Like you're going into the game with real world knowledge
and being like, only I know this,
and I'm gonna prove it, and know for a fact that you're right.
Like, this knowledge already exists.
It's just the people in your fantasy world don't know it,
but the other players, you expect them to also play dumb.
And they're just sitting there being like,
no, I'm not gonna pretend that I don't know
to watch my hands, but I, let's kill a dragon.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I think that might have been what happened.
You go into a campaign and the DM is like,
all right, there's a monster that's terrorizing this town.
You guys can go rescue the town spoke and somebody's like,
well,
and then we'll teach them a lesson about organisms.
Like, you're, you're, you're doing the story.
And then we'll install a public waterway.
Yeah, I definitely think that that would not be asked fun.
However, for party composition,
I do like having like a little more scientists
coming out of their element amidst them,
defeating a dragon because that can be very fun.
But I can understand that the other characters being like,
we don't wanna teach people about washing hands.
I guess I don't know how much dysentery comes up
in this campaign, but like if it comes up a lot,
then like it's probably very helpful
to have a microbiologist on your team.
See, I think as this is written,
it kind of reads like the other players were being
assholes, but I wonder if there was a level of making the story so much about your micro-oriented
experience.
You know what?
We're going to just do standard D&D and not go through this.
I'm not really going to talk about washing my hands, but yeah.
I think only you can answer the question of
if you feel like you went a little too hard
on the micro-organism.
Yeah, I think I'm ultimately gonna rule with you
because I definitely think this sounds like a fun backstory
but I can understand that it could have come in
a little too heavy for people who are like,
I want it to play a fighter and swing my sword at that guy.
And now we're collecting beakers.
I'm gonna fully lean into the devil's advocate
and side with the devils.
Whoa!
I think that going in with the devil.
With the backstory of something you know to be true in the real world and
setting kind of everyone else up to be a dumbass is kind of a strange move.
And I feel like you can do something like this that actually involves fantasy stuff.
You can be like, I'm going to like in campaign two, zirks trying to create like the all cure elixir or something like that.
It does, it can be something, that's a little bit more fanciful.
It could be something more grounded.
But yeah, but I don't know.
I feel like it could be in fantasy.
Maybe for the other players, it was like a little too real world
because we've been talking about that stuff.
Oh, like yeah.
So it could have been people being like, uh, please let's not talk about germs. Tap, tap, tap Oh, like, yeah. So it could have been people being like, uh,
what's that?
Let's not talk about germs.
Tap, tap out.
Yeah, yeah, God.
We all got germs on the brain for sure.
Um, wait, so do we, do we think that the DM
deserves any of the blame here for kind of this like
weird, uh, lopsided party composition?
That was what I was going to bring.
I mean, it's, I feel like it's not totally fair.
We don't know if it's lopsided,
because we don't know the stories of the other characters.
Yeah, that's true.
This is one that it's really, really hard to weigh in on,
because we don't know what.
I agree.
I do think that if the DM Greenlit, this backstory,
that they could be like,
this isn't really known in the world,
so you guys probably wouldn't know it.
But again, it's also just a weird thing to be like,
no, no, no, no, no.
Hard one does not know to wash his hands.
It's a fucking moron.
Hard one wipes his ass and then eats a burger.
Okay.
Okay.
Describe it.
Toilet paper doesn't exist.
Yeah.
Just fucking two lost days while hard one recovers from
Jardia.
Okay. I think it's hard because I personally kind of love
playing stupid.
So if someone's like,
hey, guess what, you're a little bit stupid.
I'll be like, hell yeah.
Well, yeah, it's not even, I mean, it's not even dumb,
depending on like the time period that you're playing.
It's freeing.
My only defense here is that if the DM was planning
a bunch of Ant-Man style microadventures,
where they went in and battled a bunch
of battery-adreters.
I guess, wait, there's two more paragraphs to this case.
Yes.
Yes.
You're up a lot of osmosis Jones.
I'm ultimately signing with this person,
especially because they ran it with their DM
and the DM was into it.
So I think you were, I think, I don't know if you were robbed,
but I'm with the devils.
I'm with the fiends.
The fiends?
Oh, right.
Wow, yeah, very good.
There's no angels in this story, baby.
Jake, who submitted this one, by the way?
Was this the DM submitting or was this the player?
This was the player.
This was the player, Brennan. the player this was the player player this was the player Brennan
This backstory from was instantly just like I know what bacteria is
Okay, can we walk away from whether who's writer who's wrong and just laugh at that mole
Just like all the anticipation of going to your first session sitting down there you get introduced you say
The thesis that you would like to explore with your character and everyone says no
We all already know what back. Yeah. It's just a barbarian wiping blood off of their acts and like yeah I know about biology. I went to high school. What are you talking? I?
Was an AP Yeah, I know about biology. I went to high school. What are you talking about? I was in AP.
So, so M's on the one side, I'm on the other side.
Devils are fiends.
Choose your side.
Pick your fighter.
We're honoring Baylor Jake today.
So everything's a little topsy, Tervy.
I think I gotta go, I think I gotta go with the Devils.
Yes.
Okay, Jake, you're gonna be the tiebreaker.
Devils are fiends.
Who is who in the situation? Devils. The Devils are the other players. I won't tell you, no, no, you're gonna be the tiebreaker. Devils are fiends. Who is who in the situation?
Devils.
The devil's on the other players.
No, no, no, don't tell him.
I already did.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
You're our genius bail if you can figure it out.
If I didn't know, I would say I would have said fiends,
but I do think, I think going into session one
with a backstory that you're like hell bent on following through
is also kind of a mistake.
I feel like all my characters, I had back stories and arcs that I thought I would fulfill and they
went different ways and they're better for it. Oh yeah, for sure. So you're looking back, I think you'll
be happy. Yeah. And thus I rule with the bullies who are mean to you. Hard one not being a virgin
was your microbiology. It's true. That's true. Exactly.
I do hope that these players can all figure this out and find a pivot for this backstory
because I think it's a cool idea for you to be trying something new like this.
But yeah, I don't know.
I hope that you can reach in a chord.
That is my greatest wish.
Here's the deal with Dungeon Court.
Is we have to leave room for rousing.
We just have to.
Because there is a correct answer to each one of these.
And the answer is the more below it.
We know it.
We know it.
We are not about rancant.
But we can't do that.
We can't be correct.
Baila Peruits has all the correct answers
in that golden briefcase over there.
And we refuse to look at them.
Because we just, we deliberate.
And we reach the answer we
think to be true and we ras people along the way you're right we do need a
punishment oh my god the rock okay uh germs aren't real anymore oh maybe your
character has to prove that astrology is real now there you go that's a
thing that's actually that's it's good one. Yes. I love it. Yeah, I love it.
It's actually that would be a really sick campaign
where astrology is real.
Dear God, let me play in that world.
That seems really fun.
That's probably more accurate to most fantasy.
Medieval science.
Yeah, that seems like it's more fun.
You have to prove astrology is real.
Love it.
Okay, so ordered.
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Okay, that's it for me.
Go team pants and enjoy the show.
Our next case comes from Stephen H. Stephen writes,
man, please the court and titillate the bailiff.
Wow.
You know what?
That's nice.
You deserve some titillation.
Thank you guys.
Thank you everybody.
And we should do a titillate verdict at the end of this.
If you do get titillated or not.
Yeah, absolutely.
If you feel comfortable to be public about your titillation.
I'm certainly, I'll tell you ahead of time
since I've already read this question.
It is titillating.
And I think it's going to tell you that a titillated bail if we
I absolutely titillated.
Steven writes, I started recently making Pinterest boards for my long running D&D game.
It's been really helpful to grab from a bit of art.
If say I need a half elf, femme NPC or a tabaxi noble at a moment's notice.
Oh, I love that.
One of my players has complained to me, quote, hey, your NPCs are all too hot.
I have a hard time talking to them when I have a mental image of the art you picked out.
I get flustered.
They were referring to this picture.
I'm going to put it in the chat for you guys.
Wow.
So we can all get titillated.
Yeah, you can't, D&D characters.
Okay, yeah, that's a lot of picture.
Yeah, I think this, I actually,
I think that this player,
they are having a wonderful, safe chance
to learn how to talk to hot people.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, we cannot be tauted forever.
Yeah, to talk to hot people. so you have to talk to them.
It's a skill that you need to learn, actually, to be able to talk to hot people.
And you're going to be better for it.
This is a great chance for you to build some confidence around smoking hot people.
Yeah, here's the thing.
You might meet Evangeline Lilly and she might have glowing contacts in and look exactly
like this person and like, what are you going to do then?
Yeah. What are you going to do then yeah what are you gonna do then you gonna free
out I'm glad if you are if you are like oh I've done this before I've had a fucking dress rehearsal
where I talk to this fucking hot
Silvering creature you're gonna fucking wow of Angeline
That's what you want you build your confidence at the D&D table so then you're out you're at a party
You're at a bar you're at out, you're at a party, you're at a bar, you're at a dinner, you're at a gala.
Forgotten thing.
You're just like, think about, think about that elf necromancer that I talked to you, think about that, think about how I was.
Think about how confident I was, think about how I flirted with this fucking hot person that I thought was out of my league,
and I fucking found my flirting sea legs with someone that's so hot that normal people can't even live up to you.
Yeah.
D&D characters are way hotter than normal people.
I have a con modifier plus five.
What's up with you?
Ha ha ha ha.
And then Evangelion Lilly says plus five,
are you fucking kidding me?
Is that your maxed out stat?
Or do you have other stats that look like that?
Well, we'll need a fully level level.
Love it.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, Jake, you absolutely failed this,
but she was impressed with you.
She was from that app.
What your HP was.
Yeah, I know my confidence is so low.
But now you haven't been talking to hot NPCs enough.
Is that so?
Yeah.
Really flustered.
So Steven does ask, Supreme Crit, I need your help.
Do I stop providing hot art for my NPCs,
I yield the remainder of my time?
Wow.
I really can't relate to this because truly,
like getting flustered in front of a hot NPC is so fun.
So I cannot relate to this at all.
And I feel like you're talking about losing.
I think you're talking about losing
one of the fun things of the game.
Uh-huh.
My friend, it's a JPEG.
It is a JPEG image.
It's true.
Definitely photo card too.
It is real.
She's a hot cartoon.
I'll give her that too.
She's a hot cartoon.
She has a really good, you can see her bra under her dress, which is such a hot look.
Yeah.
But this is saying, if I was playing World of Warcraft and I had to talk to like a hot blood elf
That I just like couldn't do it. I would have to quit the game
Yeah, I mean in Warcraft all the characters are hot
It would be just walking around the elf city being like
I simply I simply can't take a single mission in Silver Moon City.
I would trump too hard.
I'm gonna have to play Final Fantasy 14 on Real Reborn.
I love just button mash because I don't order a spot. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Fuck! Fuck! Fuck every movie I watch is filled with hot people!
I can't fuck shit.
It's also so funny because it's like so clear
that this is just this person's thing
because it's not like you're making the,
they would say like, oh, you're making the NPCs too sexual.
No, no, no, it's very specifically.
Please don't show me a hot...
Yeah.
I can't look at a hot person in perform.
I can't do it.
It's also, it's a roll.
It's a roll.
You like, you can stutter through,
yeah, like any speech and then it's like, yeah.
All right, yeah, roll a persuasion check.
It's like, I said, oh, hi, hi, hi,
or you, oh, the one that you're bashful.
If you're not full, yeah.
Yeah, there are definitely people who will take your flustered,
flusteredness as like a charming, cute, attractive.
Also, I just, going back to what we're talking about before,
I just really shuttered to think what you'd be like,
talk you do an actual hot first and if you can't,
maybe you can't look at this cartoon,
and just keep playing the M.D.
Hi, oh, I'm so glad you could make it.
Yeah, there's some snacks over there,
and that's my friend, Jessica Rabbit.
Would you like to meet her?
Imagine seeing a hot cartoon
and then not being able to talk to you at the point.
I'm like a cute, and having a little snack.
Or if I can't fucking talk to you
if you're pretending to be a hot wolf.
Okay, can we put the AC on him over
You day, all right, we tried to defend we tried to defend the bullies last time
Let's try to defend the hornies this time, okay, if we were let's say we are all
These are not the hornies. These are not the hornies because the bachelors enjoy it. Yeah, the bashful
Okay, we're gonna try to defend the bashful. Let's say
Let's say we were all out at a bar. Yeah, right. It was a very very
provocative image of Jessica rabbit
In a frame picture
We need to do something that we would all react to more because Jessica rabbit. We won't so let's say it's a very very
provocative image of J. Lo from
Anaconda with
Okay, oh my god, yes, I would talk to anyone because I'd be staring at that photo the entire time. Yeah
Cartoon J. Love
Cartoon J. Lo from anaconda
J. L. Cartoon J. L. with Roman and the Wilson Wink is happening.
There's an anaconda eating on Wilson.
Eating on Wilson. Nothing.
Would we just chat about the Wilson Wink the whole time?
Not that snake it in this bar.
When I jerk off to a JPEG, it's got to have a story in the background.
Yeah, if I'm jerked off to a JPEG, it better be J. L.
You know what I mean?
See, this is why I want every JPEG, it'd better be J-Lo. You know what I mean? See, this is what...
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
I want every JPEG to be a magic card where there's like a little caption in there and there's
like, you know, a crumbling tower in the background.
And you know, ideally a snake eating on Wilson.
I do think it would distract from the table talk.
Yeah.
Or would it be like just a fun new thing that we all talk distract from the table talk. Yeah. Or would it be just a fun new thing
that we all talk about at the table?
I think so.
And also, here's the other thing.
D&D is a chance to grow.
I think that this is your opportunity as a player
and as a person to work on talking to people.
I think that's true.
I don't think that it really is.
I feel like D&D is the most fun
when you're getting outside of your comfort zone.
And look, other people may have different experiences
with how they like to enjoy media,
but I like my media to take me outside of my comfort zone.
And I think that is gonna be fun.
And you should have to talk to hot cartoons.
And you're gonna have to talk to hot cartoons.
Everyone's in a while.
You're gonna need to talk to a hot cartoon. Yeah, and a while? You're gonna need to talk to a Hot Cartoon.
Yeah, and you're daily life.
You will run into a Hot Cartoon every once in a while.
And I realize the JLo analogy doesn't quite work
because adding in a celebrity is loaded
and makes you confusing.
Like if this person was using celebrities as their NPCs,
that would be very different.
Yeah, yeah, we said that at,
Murf, we said that as a joke. Or I Yeah, yeah, we said that at Murph, we said that at us on joke.
Or I mean, audience, we said that at us on joke.
Yeah, but we're only kidding.
We're only kidding.
I know, I feel like and I was talking about the joke.
Let's continue.
Let's move on.
I know.
I know.
I'm talking a big game.
But if I was at a bar and I bumped into Interstellar
bounty under Samus Aran, and she lifted her visor
and looked at me with her piercing blue eyes.
I don't know what I would say to her.
Like, I don't know if she's interested.
I'm just feeling, you got to fall in love with that feeling.
You got to fall in love with the feeling of being thrown off
and finding your feet again,
because that's truly all that life is.
It's like role play.
It's like, yes, there's a small challenge to overcome.
You're going to talk to an attractive person.
Let's see if you can rise to the occasion.
If you make every single interaction,
like, oh, this person is Milto's vanilla boring person.
I think we gotta continue the DM domination this episode
and say that as a DM, you're allowed
to make everyone as hot as you want.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree with that.
You know, like I think that they have to respect
other people's sexual boundaries, but they can be hot. Yeah, I would agree with that. You know, I think that they have to respect other people's sexual boundaries,
but they can be hot.
Yeah, I would agree with that fully.
Two things are true this episode.
Jake is a beautiful, bailiff, and a wonderful friend.
And the DMs can make everyone as hot as they want.
Agreed.
Great.
So we all agree.
There's also no like, there's no fan art of just regular looking people.
You know what I mean?
It's either a huge hulking monster
or it's the hottest wizard you've ever seen.
You should start sending just pictures of the guess who board.
Yes.
This is just Tom.
All right.
Yeah, cool.
It's also like, how much, I feel like really,
when you find someone who's like really interesting looking,
then and you're giving that as a visual cue to your players,
they're gonna have more interesting interactions
with this person because they're gonna be more interested
in them versus if you're just like,
all right, here's a picture of the bearded guy from Guess Who.
Alfred.
He's work in your, he's the guy from Guess Who. He's a... He's working your...
He's the blacksmith in town. That's boring.
What's the point of it, usually?
I'm actually gonna play Next Campaign as Alfred, I think.
Oh, cool.
I'll play as Daddy from Don't Wake Daddy.
And you're just asleep the whole time?
Yeah, Cuddly, you should be the guy from Operation.
Are we all ruling for the DM here that you're allowed to have hot NPCs?
I think so.
Maybe you're, and I think it sounds like you're doing something fun using these like
little Pinterest boards.
I think that you're expanding the game and yeah.
Yeah, and I think we got to reward that prep.
I think this player to further get used to talking to hot cartoon characters will have
to start a blood elf.
Yeah, and walk right over to the little bit.
And then go talk to Lady Sylvanas, because she is hot, hot, hot, hot, good
luck friend. She is a hot zombie lady. Let me tell you.
Hot hot.
So many people just don't make it past that.
So ordered our next case't make it past that.
So ordered our next case comes from RoarW. Roar writes, dear judge Murphy, judge Axford
and judge Tanner and Jake.
And just so you guys know that they didn't use his full title.
They did not capitalize my name.
Everybody else has really good appreciation.
That's massive.
That's okay. That's massive. Yeah.
That's okay.
That's not okay.
Thanks guys.
You know what, you're capital J. J.
Yeah.
What's your call in a capital J?
No.
That's good.
Yeah.
You're taking away capital J.
Oh my god.
It does sound like you're a DC-based comedian
or something like that.
But I kind of like it.
Capital J.
I present to you the case of wrestling versus rolling.
I'm currently giving a game in which one of my players
is playing a Goliath X pirate who wrestles everything
and anything he can.
Upon describing a wrestling move,
I was confused and the player offered to show it to me.
In my hubris, I said if you could pin me with it
for six seconds, I would let him auto succeed his role.
Needless to say. Very fun. Love this auto succeed his role. Needless to say.
Love this already.
Yeah.
Needless to say, I got pinned,
my head locked in his legs,
and like a vice for six seconds.
Now the player insists,
I allow him to do this with every wrestling role.
Oh, okay.
No, no.
The judges I ask you.
No, no, no.
The judges I ask you,
should I learn to wrestle and defend my pride?
You should, you should for fun.
You should, you should.
And I think that it's a really fun thing
to have in your back pocket.
What you're doing is, I feel like a lot of these stories
are like, hey, I gave my kids candy
and now it's all they want to eat.
Yeah.
And the answer is always just not all the time.
You can't give them candy all the time.
I do love the idea of you like quietly taking
jujitsu lessons and like becoming really good.
All the while just saying no,
demeaning every time.
You have to be sure that they weren't training though
because they're just gonna be better than you always.
Just holding on a little bit better than you
instead of a lot.
There are two things.
One is like the question is what you did wrong,
no and not at all.
Two, should you start training wrestling moves?
Yes, for sure.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
This is such a fun thing to pull out of your pocket.
Yeah.
And if you don't want to spend all that time,
I guess maybe you could just give your friend
a little bit of food poisoning.
Oh, so you need him that way?
Oh, interesting.
Yeah.
I'm just throwing out ideas.
Or just make your NPC that they're wrestling super hot.
And then I think the last thing you'd want is to wrestle someone with diarrhea
Oh, true, true
Just more of a joke on you
Yeah
But what still win?
Do you submit?
Do you submit?
Oh no
Oh no
I submitted!
I'm so sorry I submitted
I submitted
I submitted
I surrendered
I mean already I submitted. I surrendered.
I mean, I already, I feel like I want to like punish them into taking jujitsu lessons because this seems fun,
but you should not be expected to do that.
Yeah, just do it for fun.
Yeah, I think, yeah, this is, this is,
this is, we joke a lot about bullying and whatnot,
but this is, if your player every session is like,
I can do it if I could beat you up in real life
that you can be bullied.
Calm down. But it's also possible, it's also possible that I could beat you up in real life. That would be bullied.
Calm down.
But it's also possible that this person is saying it in jazz.
I know, we're just like, let me do it on the edge.
In which case, that's fun.
In which case, it would be fun for you to reward that every once
in a while.
I, yes.
I think the answer is to lay down the law and say, no,
we did that the one time.
But after this, you have to roll.
But then secretly take to get to lessons. And then at some point, when they ask,
you say, sure, let's try it this time and then get out of it. Or also,
you say, sure, let's do it. But I'm going to elect a champion to fight for me.
And then boom, what up in the rafters? Who that oh my god it's sting it's sting at his height
It's classic
In the background and he's he's providing the backing track. We're pretty strong. He does a lot of yoga. He has sex for a long time
Can't really love tantric sex I
time. He loves tantric sex. I think that would help. He'd be in great shape. Yeah, he wouldn't tap for sure. Yeah. He's so flexible. I guarantee it. Yeah, I can last. Wait, was that the punishment
or a solution? No, no, because I think we're punishing this. Yeah. We're on the
the outside. Yeah. Okay. Technically we're punishing the player. We could just have them eat
way too much candy and see that it actually doesn't feel good.
Okay, eat too much candy, get diarrhea and wrestle sting.
Could be kind of interesting.
The motivation.
Yeah.
A tantric wrestling session while you are sick from too much candy and have diarrhea.
So what you're gonna need to do is you're gonna need to get sting to put on the makeup and And then while the player is eating all that candy,
sting is gonna be just underneath the table.
You're gonna need to get a tablecloth
so no one can see sting under there.
And then at the moment where this player challenges you,
that's when you summon sting.
Whoa.
Summon sting.
Or if you just have a super tall step brother
or something like that.
Yeah.
You could just be like, yes,
but I have elected to use a proxy and then whistle
and you're super tall.
And you have to fight Tom.
And you have to fight Tom.
Yeah, oh shit.
Tom enters the room.
Or you could theoretically try to set up one of your parents
with one of Sting's parents.
And then Sting would be your step brother.
So we could kind of do both.
Sting's actually really good with one of your parents.
You know what he wants to?
It's not a stretch.
It's not that crazy to have this.
So this is gonna be a bit of a long combo.
This is okay.
That the punishment is instead of having to pin you
for six seconds, this other person has to be able to pin you
for the amount of time that sting has sex for,
which is like 12 hour sessions.
That's incredible.
I can't trick pin.
That's gonna be a tantric pin,
which isn't, no one's gonna wanna waste their time doing that.
Yeah.
I throw this out, I throw it out.
I was trying to incorporate a sting, and I failed. No, I think it worked. I was trying to incorporate a sting and I failed.
No, I think it worked. I think it's good. I think it's good.
I think it's good. New form of measurement.
You're too good. Yeah.
In sting minutes, a sting minute is...
It's a sting minute, it's two years.
Yeah.
In that building in France where they have the golden ruler that represents a single meter,
they're just going to put sting in there.
And you see a friend you haven't seen for a long time, you're like, man, I haven't seen you in a sting minute.
I think it.
Yeah, a sting it.
A stinger.
I think a sting it is, yeah, it's 12 hours.
And so, there's two stingets in a day.
So I would be like, if you saw someone for breakfast
and then you saw them again for dinner,
you might be like, whoa.
Haven't seen you in a sting it.
Yeah.
But you wouldn't really say whoa,
because it'd be kind of recent. You'd be like, whoa! I haven't seen you in a single second. Yeah. But you wouldn't really say whoa, because it'd be kind of recent.
You'd be like, hey.
Yeah.
It was like a word that we've been needing
in the English language.
Yeah, so next time, yeah, for someone
you can have over 12 hours.
How do you read someone's,
that you saw 12 hours ago?
Next time they try to wrestle you,
you shoot them a slice mile and you say,
yeah, if you can pin me for six stingets.
Yeah. Six stingets?
Which is three days.
Yeah.
Very good.
The sun will rise three times.
Very dumb.
I think we solved the issue.
We solved the issue.
We haven't doled out the punishment.
We gave correct about the...
Yeah, we have to punish the player.
This Goliath wrestler. Yeah, okay.
We're ruling with the DM again, which I like. I like this streak. Yeah, we are having a really
was this an all DM day? Yeah, one of them was I think was player versus player. Right. So
but I think that one was still DM leaning a little bit. Yeah, interesting. Very interesting. So
yeah, we let a DM off on that one. That's true. That's right
So we are being we're being good to the DMs today. Yeah, we're being DM lenient for sure
Gosh, what is the punishment here? I mean, I thought you were onto something with the food poisoning candy
Oh, I think I was just I think that it wasn't food poisoning candy
I think it was just candy which can be too much in itself
But if you want to like if you want to throw a little something on there
I feel like it should be sting related
Then come up with it, Merv. Oh my god. Okay, you have to listen to sting's worst reviewed album. Whoa great
That's actually really tangible, actionable.
Uh-huh.
So yeah, listen to Sting's worst album.
Can I offer a flip on that?
Sure.
You have to watch Tarzan, but you can't listen to the soundtrack.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
It's spill Collins that doesn't have that.
That's it.
It's a spill Collins.
Cut this, cut this, cut this.
No, this is still going.
Staying.
Leave it in.
No.
Wait, you have to play, you have to play,
you have to play, you have to play,
Sting's album over Tarzan.
Whoa.
And when, as Phil hits, you be more hot.
You just hear, it's fucking something else.
That sounds right.
Absolutely slaps.
I'm gonna fucking listen to it.
I'm so bad at music.
I can't believe I mixed up Sting and Phil Collins.
Son of man.
All right, cool.
So ordered.
Punish me.
You guys want to do a quick little dice
Christ confession to Santa Claus.
Yes, my child.
I would love that.
Let's do it.
All right.
We've all been a bit naughty.
We've stood in the bull pit of this episode.
So I think we all need to be blessed and baked in dice
Christ like this.
Well, some of us, some of us,
sided with the fiends.
Yeah.
No, we all stand together, Justice, expert. I think that of us sided with the fiends. Yeah. No, we all stand together, Justice Xford.
I think that devils are naughty and fiends are nasty.
So you guys are naughty and I am nasty.
Yeah.
That ticklates me.
Yeah, naughty, you know the rules and you're going against them.
Yeah.
So naughty.
And nasty is just like, you don't even know the rules.
Yeah.
You take them nasty.
You already even care. If you saw the rules, you would. Yeah, you take the last. Or do you even care if you saw the rules you would.
Yeah, I like that.
I think I'm afraid.
I agree.
You don't care that there's a difference between Phil Collins and Sting.
Yeah.
He's just a little fiend.
All right, let's see what this little fiend Sean J wrote.
Take us to church.
To my dear lovely Supreme Court justices and the radical tubular and all around solid bailiff Jake. Wow.
Oh, I wow. Finally. Finally.
There are aspects that you deserve, Jake.
I really like turn was coming. I'm so glad it didn't welcome.
All right.
It's going to happen at the very end.
We're going to rant about Jake.
I have a confession for Dice Christ.
I am a DM and while running my game early on,
my player's fought and almost lost to a young green dragon.
However, in a rejection of Dice Christ's will,
I fudged a role that would have resulted in a TPK.
Now, I believe I am paying for that sin
because I have recently rolled four consecutive NAT 20s
against the same party while they were battling an
avatar of Tiamat. Once again, nearly resulting in a TPK.
Thus I ask, what should I do? I await your benign and righteous
judgment. Wow. Here's what I would say. If you feel like
you're rolling too hot with your players as a DM, roll in front
of the board. Just roll in front of the board because they it it hurts less when your DM crits on you in front of the board. Just roll in front of the board because it hurts less when your DM
crits on you in front of the board.
Yeah, true.
When it really starts to come down to it,
it keeps you honest and it makes it so,
because I don't know, you always feel a little cheesy
when you're sitting there being like,
oh, one more hit and this person goes down,
they gotta get a 15 or higher
and you roll it behind the DM screen and you get it.
You always feel like people are gonna think
you're cheating or something.
So I would recommend doing it in front of the table.
It's kind of fun.
You did go against the dice crisis,
but dice crisis has punished you already
with these net 20s against your players.
Yeah, this is so interesting.
There is part of me that's like,
they're kind of living with punishment.
Yeah, yeah.
Does dice crisis see a story? He's hungry, they're kind of living the punishment. Yeah, yeah, does dice Christ see a story
He's hungry. He's hungry for blood for sure. Yeah, yeah, it's Christ demands a sacrifice
Yeah, that Christ loves narrative blood. I would say he loves the life blood of a story
But I think don't force it
I think that maybe just if you if things start getting dodgy and you're like fuck man
Like I'm rolling too hot to start rolling in front of the board and if dice
Christ has their way, you know.
That also atones for the sin, I think,
because you fudged a roll behind the screen
and dice Christ is trying to come out.
You know, dice Christ wants to be heard.
So cleanse it by rolling in front of the table.
Let the light shine on this little dice of mine.
I'm gonna let it shine. This little dice of mine. I'm gonna let it shine.
This little dice of mine.
I'm gonna let it shine.
You don't have to do it for every role,
just for like a big role.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You might want to.
Something that you might feel like you want to fudge,
you can get it out there and let the raise of dice
crazed shine down on it.
Let the raise emitting from your player's eyes,
which everyone knows that player's have raised emitting from your player's eyes, which everyone knows that players have rays emitting
from their eyes,
yeah, normally.
Yeah, normally.
Yeah, I do want to just give a quick
dice-crissed praise to this DM,
because I believe like a young green dragon
and an avatar of Teama,
that's like Yalvan putting in some sessions.
Yalvan, that sounds really fun.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's good.
I will say, I think that if I ever had to deal with a TPK,
I understand why this DM was like, you know,
for story reasons, a TPK kind of sucks,
because then you're just, you're starting something.
They also said it happened early on.
Yeah, you're starting from early on.
I don't know that your instinct was right.
So I don't know that your instinct was right.
You made a bargain with dice cries, right? Yeah. So from early on, I don't know that your instinct was right. So I don't know that your instinct was right.
You made a bargain with Dice Christ, right?
Yeah, here's what I will say though,
is how I would handle it,
because I've thought about this before for the show,
and I think other people could use this.
I think if you're ever in a situation
where there would be a TPK,
go forward with it and knock everybody out,
and then let them roll and whoever survives the death
saves naturally, like wakes up in the debris of the room or something like they're the
sole survivor or a couple people survive or something like that.
You know what I mean?
There's also always the fun thing that when there's going to be a TPK being like, all right,
I'm going to, I have this one person that I know it would be narratively satisfying for them to make a sacrifice right now.
You could reach out to one player like if someone has a god or something from their backstory
means like there is going to be a chance for one person to sacrifice themselves.
Also, there's always a chance like people can even sacrifice themselves not with like
a god intervention.
They could just be like, cool,
I'm gonna run in the other way.
I'm gonna run in the other way,
drag them away from the party.
So you could be like, okay, this is bad.
You know, like you guys could try to run away.
Yeah, instead of like death saves,
they do kind of like, you know, hero saves
or something like that to see if they can like,
you know, sacrifice themselves,
nobly for the party.
I don't know, I think you got a lot,
a lot of options to work with here.
You need not worry about the burden of dice Christ upon you.
Though dice Christ is coming to collect, it seems.
Absolutely.
You must have learned some blood.
And you will let it.
Some blood.
Yeah.
Right.
Deliver some PC blood.
Yeah.
You're rolling in front of the table.
And with that, church and court are adjourned.
Although we will be doing more cases over on our Patreon.
Patreon.com slash NADP, that's NADP, OD, don't sing yet.
Hoey, don't do it, absolutely don't do it.
Just can't do it, don't do it.
Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug?
Yeah, I've two things I want to plug actually.
One, our live shows, we've got live shows in Portland,
Los Angeles and Vancouver.
That's the end of the show.
That's Vancouver.
That is announced.
That is announced.
Portland is June 16th.
Los Angeles is June 17th and Vancouver is October 21st.
June 17th we're coming home.
Take this for all of those shows are over at natpod.com slash live. Portland is almost 21st. June 17th we're coming home. Take it for all of those shows
are over at natpod.com slash live.
Portland is almost sold out,
so definitely get those pretty fast.
And LA will have some exciting guests likely.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Oh okay, surprise.
That's where we live.
And then the other thing is my wife,
Jillian's movie that she produced last summer
is coming out this week.
So if you have a Hulu account, check out Fire Island.
It's gonna be good.
It's gonna be good.
Oh shit, oh yeah, absolutely.
Great.
Oh, congrats.
Way to go Jill.
Big weekend for her and Tucker.
They're gonna be here to do it.
It's gonna be great.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Wow, yeah, I saw that kiss of them. It's at cans.
Yeah, they're running yacht.
Yeah, the kiss, the kiss cam at cans.
Yeah.
The kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids, kids.
Famous.
I have a standup paddleboard, but it doesn't really compete
with Tucker's yacht.
Oh, yeah, you're in the background wiping out.
Also Tucker stole the paddle. Oh yeah, you're in the background wiping out.
Also Tucker stole the paddle.
So it's just a fool.
I have to use my hands.
Yeah, I'll plug Jiu Jitsu Kaisen.
It's a cool ass anime.
I didn't have anything to do with it.
I think Jill and Tucker worked on it though, actually.
Really?
Yeah, I'll just plug Jill and Tucker's love.
Yeah, we're back to being mean to Jake
I wasn't gonna force it but it came back around back to your cave Jake back to your loley cave very natural. Yeah
Get out of your kiss a worm
Kiss you freaking you
Kiss worms fucking miss this you can follow us on social media
There were may or may not use at chmurf is me at called these call dual adi extra Emily at jk her which is Jake and you get to it
And at nad pod is our Instagram account. That's true. Yeah, nad pod is also our twitter account
So you check those out. I think you tweet about the show using hashtag nad pod that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d.
We are we are.
We are.
You're the nation.
We are.
We are.
You're the nation.
You're the nation.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't. Hey, hey, it is time to thank our benevolent counsel of elders starting with Brad D. Jeffrey
S. Hugh C. Later, Mick Skater, Matt M. Jordan D.J. Cutter W.
Jill and Tucker who want to help Jake move out. Thank you for that dungeon. Mama Danielle,
the Dastardly Dame Beardman Dan. Scott D. Danny P. Michael Mick D. Vincent W. Miss
Tore Cole Victor T. Boundless Boy. Foreveric Persson, Andrew B. Justin I. Ragnar Faredwind, TJM,
Trayle the Cray Faye, Jared E. Christopher B. Damial R. Cyborg version of Josh the co-bold.
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Very nice.
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Michelle O. Hericule, Poirot, the rabbit folk detective, Timmy R. Croc, Hollick, Lucas
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Cullders, cold, cum, hashtag, love to all my supporters.
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Has been trying to undo his friend who has been stuck as a polymorphed sheep for three
weeks, Foster the original boneless duck duck Veronica P. Aaron the asshole
Ranger. Reza big bad bearded O the mad Eric Mick D giant monsters on the horizon
personal Fredericks and Von Muscle Klawowski D Rollo the third Christian A Olivia
K J dragonborn Joe Rody in a propo Cody B Liam. Liam D. The San Drayon Ben A. Feldonis John III.
Dave H. Vivian.
Koala.
Catherine S. David K. Christian S. Rebecca G.
Dustin S. Conner F. Hawkeye P.
Book Vars' assistant Izzy F.
The Time Walker.
Blair the Bug Blair Bar Blarian.
Kat C. Kelsey J.
Pork Chop.
Ariel the occasional mermaid.
Oh, only occasionally very nice.
Selina N. A. K. A. Valacy Raptor, Minette the Magnificent Magic Carp, Pat L, A Chuta A,
Lauren H, Joshua D, Ryan S, the Bone Duster, the charming fluff fluff Robert Crisp, Master B, Telekin, Telekitty Creations,
fan illustrator, insert, request.
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those who love and give where they can.
Spam gaming, who's just got, who's just some guy, I guess.
Grant L, Connor Savage.
Christopher J, Pebblelepot did you guys hear
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Nice.
Logan S. Sallile, Leviathan, Bioquart 7, Remington, CD,
Amber Dexterist, Sullivan H.
Trubhop, Dropper, Sydney T, Jack H.
King of the Mole City, Under Deep a frex hashtag no censorship
hashtag pro CC see Garble the Moist juicy Kiwi singing Lucy in the sky with diamonds
in D minor champ W valence bright Pepsi carlin C Louis is your centaur dad salty burrito
Emily S Harry Cox a very nice Chloe L. Ali congrats
on finishing your master's degree. Love you. Oh yes, we do. Estelle Ile with the
ageer conflicted DM Justin LB, Torelli Skirmisher, Dandy E&D, Bunny, hashtag Claudius did nothing
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Marcos P. Pup Kalish, Lorelei F Morgan M. A peeling sticker, Stephen E. Mr. Adams, Meg
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Captain Kappy M4L, the Dragon Ambassador, Wayfarer inventor of the SS Storm Bjorn, Andrew B. Dalton B.
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John P. Mr. Silly Head, Monster, Captain S. Cameron C. Hopes, dagger, the only dagger
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Olivia the enchanting bard who will totally be making money off the duck team tails with
and on the go.
All the stops show blue slade.
Michaela are Albin's alabaster aftermath.
Hashtag come up.
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soloms sticky, sauce, hashtag, ccc, double down,
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Riley S. Sir sig 93, FICO, Melvin the Muntan,
no one is cooler than Angry Wheat, especially not the front half of a horse costume.
Arusha, and anachronistic enigma.
Of course, the game itself, Emily.
Chowce, Kamp, aka, I am a smaffire.
Shaqt, Aaron, R, Tony G, Logan D, Calder's cold come is for me.
Of course, Josh H. and Jack, the Jack's,
oh my god, Jack's, the Jack's,
Jinksing Rouge in search of Bohumia's biggest balls.
All right, yeah, thank you everybody.
That was a Hate-Gum podcast.
That was a headgun podcast.