Not Another D&D Podcast - D&D Court: Table Tattlers (w/ Jeremy Cobb)
Episode Date: January 6, 2022Dungeon Court is back in session! This week Justices Murphy, Axford and Tanner, as well as the plucky Bailiff Hurwitz, are joined by Justice Jeremy Cobb of Three Black Halflings Fame for some... brand new trials at the table. You can see and hear more of Jeremy over on Three Black Halflings and on Twitter @JeremyCobb1! Be sure to Subscribe to TBH on Patreon here! - https://www.patreon.com/tbhalflings CREDITS: Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Welcome to Dungeon Corks. Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun so good, but it feels so good to do it today. We are joined by Jeremy Cobb, writer, director,
actor, one-third of three black halflings
and the resident DM, welcome Jeremy.
Thank you so much.
It is such an honor to be able to sit here behind the bench.
We're gonna bring you up.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, right now you're actually with,
you're actually in the bailiffs. What do bailiffs
sit on? Holding pin. You're in the bailiffs DUNC's corner. Not a lot of a steam to go around
down here. Why is there so much alcohol back here? But we do have an oath for you to swear you in
to get you up on the high chairs up here. Yeah. Because we are all in big giant baby high chairs.
Yes, which is great because there's a little tray for snacks.
Yeah, and I can strap myself in.
Yeah, because they're very teetery is the thing.
So you are going to want to be strapped in.
You are going to get a little bib that catches all the debtor's
that you don't fancy your mouth.
It's just really, really great to just feed bag it up mid-
And you just hand that to me on your way out.
Because I hose those down in the back alley.
Yeah.
That explains all of like the crusty bibs next to the models of alcohol.
Jeremy, if you'd like to read the oath and swear in,
we'll get you here on the court as one of the judges here.
I will put one hand on my picture book Beginner's Bible.
You're a whole beginner's Bible.
Yes, it's called the Beginner's Bible.
My God.
It has illustrated versions of a bunch of Bible stories.
You can't start a kid off on a pro Bible, you know that.
Yeah, yeah, you got to start them with a gentle new testament.
You wait till they're like angry teens
to introduce old testament.
Yeah, that's interesting. All this goes full old. Almost of this book is Old Testament believe it. You wait till there are like angry teens to introduce old testament.
Yeah, that's interesting.
This goes full old.
Most of this book is old testament, believe it or not.
It has wild.
They have to omit some stuff, right?
Or do they just make it seem fun?
Yeah, I'll guarantee they're good.
That's probably what beginner means is like none of the sex scenes.
There are a lot of dry passages of who fuck two to his old and most.
An illustrated version of the song of Solomon,
baby's first erotic literature.
All right, all right, I will read this.
I, Jeremy Cobb, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the players as well
as the DMs against all enemies foreign and domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance
to the same, that I take this obligation of my own volition and that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same, that I take this obligation of my own volition
and that I will well and faithfully embark
upon this noble pursuit of justice.
So help me, gods.
Wow.
We heard during the time the actor there,
because I was feeling a little bit swelled
with civic pride.
Yeah.
I did so this like,
the glory, glory, hallelujah, loose like the glory hall
The bailiff is crying. Yeah, you brought the bailiff to tears crying into his vodka
Jeremy I hope as as resident DM of three black halflings. I do hope that we can bring a little order to this court because
Things have gotten wild I went rogue during the hog days. There was, and I have to be honest, I liked it.
Last episode, there was a DM that was being tattooed
during a session, and these maniacs ruled on his side.
Listen, we were all a little wasted on Baylif's hog nog,
and things got a little rowdy.
Where was the tattoo, is my question?
That's not clear.
It was made in the past. It was made in the mid session.
It could have been in the hands.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session.
It could have been in the mid session. It could have been in the mid session. It could have been in the mid session. It could have been in the mid session. It could have been in the mid session. way more oh they heard buzzing oh they right yeah no it didn't hurt the buzzer well yeah it didn't go over well that's why it was hurting core right yeah
yeah of course and of course we found it favor of the team yeah so they're
just management they ruled in favor of this DM uh that's amazing who is a full maniac? That's what the tattoo was, full maniac.
But...
Whoa, that would be an awesome, like in like the fuel logo.
There's a monster in for no reason.
I trust Jeremy will help bring this court back to law and order.
Well, it's no longer the hoglet is.
I may be grounded from the intoxication of the hoglet is. But like
I said, I did enjoy making people mad. Well, let's find out because here you here you
who crit is now in session. There you go. Honorable Supreme Crit Justices, Axford Murphy, Tanner
and Cobb presiding. Great to have a Cobb on the bench. Wow, you're right.
It's very nice to be a Cobb on a bench.
It's a good middle image.
I just heard Freak on a leash, but it's Cobb on a bench.
That is my new email signature now.
He's on a bench. Should I start scatting in between each? That's that is my new email signature now.
Should I start scatting like in between each
Tyler J writes dear honorable justices and give acknowledgement to the bailiff as he sees fit and desirable
Fine a few years ago the party I was in was trying to escape Downey Collapsing Hallway. My human oath of vengeance paladin had Misty Step, a bonus action, and I had 90 feet to go.
I wanted to use my movement and a dash action to cover the 60 feet, then use Misty Step
to bonus action to teleport the rest of the way.
The DM and another member of the party said that's not how Misty Step works and that I couldn't use it that way. I took a little bit of damage but ultimately survived,
so I moved past it. To this day, I think I should have been able to clear it since it's a teleportation
spell using a second level spell slot. Have I misinterpreted the spell? I leave it in your
capable hands. I'm honestly already at a loss for why they thought that's not what Misty Step was.
I baffled it. Yeah. How do they think Mr. Steph works if I was like, do you
use cure wounds to cure my friend?
That's actually not that special.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Wow.
So you can't move and cast a spell on the food.
So this is an open and shut case.
This is open at next case.
Yeah, we won't hear any arguments on it,
but we can't go to the next case because someone has to
be punished.
Do we wrong?
Did they say, like, I was a gnome, I was a dwarf, what did they say?
What would that have been?
Because it could change speed.
Human, oath of vengeance, pal.
I had bad things.
I said, yeah, they have a bad move.
They have a bad move.
They have a bad move.
They have a bad move. How, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, I said that was interesting. There were two people at this table. There were two people at the table that wouldn't allow them to use this display.
Another player.
A player and a DM.
We need to sock this player in the stomach.
I do have one remaining question,
which is that if the golf is 90 feet,
how far can you misty step?
No, it's not a golf.
It's, it was a collapsing hallway.
Oh, collapsing hallway.
Okay, I gotcha.
All right, yeah.
I'm looking it up just to see if maybe
they does the vengeance palette and not get misty
You know what gets misty. Yeah, it's kind of it spells
The I because their entire argument was misty stuff doesn't work that way
That's the new copy pasta when people start complaining about about rules on
complaining about rules on. The same as she said, doesn't work that way.
Message for it, that doesn't work that way.
We show disrespect by talking about this
for even a second longer.
Shut the game.
I guess I wonder if like, Caldwell makes the point
that maybe if the ground is not there
and the person can't run the full way.
Are they doing like a looney tunes run in place?
It's a hallway, they say.
Yeah, it's a hallway.
It's a hallway. And even if it was a golf, even if it was a golf of 30 feet, then yeah,
you can, you can missy step over that. Yeah, of course. So I think that maybe the punishment is
like the, this player, this DM, like they can never, ever use missy step one of the best spells.
Right. Oh, that's smart. Just anytime, that player who, you know,
when you're taddling on your fellow players,
that's fucked up.
I don't like that one bit.
Let alone being wrong in doing it.
Table taddler?
I have a little problem.
I think you're right.
Doing it.
Ooh, I do not like a table taddler.
Yeah, like let people, if the DMs allowing it,
let the players have their play.
Yeah, exactly. Like I'm all four rules, but it's ultimately what the DM wants
Okay, do we think that this other player was like kissing up to the DM and I would love to submit to the
Justices that I feel like the table tattler should have a harsher punish yeah
I love that. I love that. Well the table tattler is going to have more opportunities to use
Missy step because they're the player.
So I think this just blankets,
they're not allowed to use Misty Step anymore
because anytime you try to use Misty Step,
everyone else in the party and whoever's DMing will say,
that's not how Misty Step works.
Oh, I would use the bonus action to move 30 feet.
Sorry, that's not how Misty Steps don't work.
And I think that maybe the DM
we could just sentence them to like every day for 2022, they wake
up and the first thing they do is read the spell card.
Until they learn.
Until they learn.
I don't want them to feel the frustration of hearing things that should work is not how
they work.
Can their credit card at the gas station and here that's not how credit cards work. Can they credit card at the gas station and here that's not how credit cards work.
Yes, every time they try to cast a spell for like the next hour of any sessions.
That's big. Sorry, this is not how it works.
I have an alternative punishment. I'd like to pitch.
Whoa, I love it.
What if every time this player uses Misty Step, they have to roll and they teleport randomly
to a location that they don't get to decide.
So it's like they try to like run away and they actually teleport 30 feet closer to whatever
it is they're fleeing.
Yeah.
They teleport over in a biss and just fall in.
You're suggesting a messy step spell.
Yeah.
Yes.
Essentially the spell has a different definition every time.
Or just like a miss step spell.
A miss step.
Better to step me up.
Yes. I misstep. Better to step me up to step.
I love that.
Yeah, I was just going to suggest we collapse a hallway in their house, but I think that's
better.
I know.
Here's another problem I have with this is that why would you set up this as like an encounter
with the hallway like breaking or like falling apart, If somebody can't get away with a full dash action
and a misty step, that seems like the
exact cinematic thing that you'd want is,
you could present people with things of being like,
cool, if you want to use an action to turn around
and try to grab the other person,
you might not make it out or something like that.
Like that's how you want to spice it up.
Just the, like no matter what you do with your action economy,
you're fucked here.
Go Jake, that's your turn.
You're fucked, Jake.
Go, yeah.
Don't even bother going,
because that's actually not how it works.
Don't even bother trying.
You're fucked.
This should be like a proud DM moment.
Yeah, I bet the DM had something like planned
in the basement of this building,
and they wanted them to fall.
Oh no.
Oh.
Oh.
But it says they only took a little damage
and still got away though.
Oh, you're right, you're right.
Yeah.
Like if this is me, this is me,
I'm cheering for the player.
Yeah.
Because I'm like, oh, they're not gonna make it.
Oh no, and then they're like,
but I'm misty stuff.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That's, that's, I get hyped.
90 feet is like the perfect distance to make something
because you're basically like, cool,
you have to go full hog. and then on top of that,
you need some kind of shenanigan to get the next 30 feet.
That's one of that, you bring that up
because I know from my limited experience of DMing,
spatially, someone's like, how far away is that?
And you're like, man, I don't know, 60 feet.
Man, I don't know, on the 50 feet.
You know, you just kind of say a number.
So it's interesting to hear a DM who actually has experience,
be like, oh, well, I know that there are certain numbers
that are more interesting.
Well, it's kind of like, you do 30 feet
if you want somebody to have to use their movement
to go that way, you use 60 feet if you want it to be like,
you guys are running, like this is a dash action.
And then 90 feet if you want to do that,
like action movie, like jumping off a dash action and then 90 feet if you want to do that like action movie like
jumping off a building as it explodes thing wow
Murph that was really that was a really nice little tidbit. Yeah, that's a nice takeaway tidbit. A little wisdom amidst the punishment
I am nothing
Gems amidst the blood
We can't give them any more advice.
They don't deserve these gems.
Yeah, I think so.
So ordered.
And actually I have another case about how a spell works.
And okay.
Let's keep on this theme.
Troy writes to us and says,
Good day noble justices and heroic bailiff.
Wow, I come, yeah, very nice.
We so we're nobles and you're a hero.
Nobles are the bad guys kind of.
Whoa, interesting.
I didn't see it like that, but I guess I kind of hope
that our realm does.
And we overthrow this kangaroo court on Sunday.
Baby court, not kangaroo court.
Even please, they say, I come to you today
with a case against my DM.
I am a wizard with the spell Tiny Hut.
My crew and I are currently on an island that is the base of the goddess of frost.
The DM informed us that their magic keeps it so cold that if we take a short rest, we
will only regain our con modifier.
I mentioned that the temperature in the Tiny Hut is controlled.
He then said it was more the magic of the place
and less the actual temperature.
I understood and we moved on.
However, another party member had a ring of warmth,
which gives you resistance to cold,
which negated the effect of the island for them.
So I ask this, if the magic of the ring worked,
should the magic of the tiny hut have also worked,
I leave this matter in your benevolent hands.
Thank you for your time.
I've looked up the language of the spell tiny hut.
Right. And it specifically says, spells and other magical effects can't extend through the
dome or be cast through it. And the atmosphere inside the space is comfortable and dry,
regardless of the weather outside. So you're going to wake up parched. Yeah. I think it should work.
Yeah. I think the most egregious thing is definitely just
that they let somebody else just have their thing work,
which is fucked up.
Yeah, because even if you look at,
it's really funny because I feel like DMs,
we really like torture ourselves,
trying to make everything work rules is written,
but then whenever you read a module,
it's just like, this thing can't be dispelt.
And you're like, what?
It just, it's your just saying that you just can't do anything. I think it's fair
Yeah, that's definitely fair, but especially specifically in like curse of straw and stuff
It's just like there's a mist outside the city and you just can't get out
It's like what do you what if you cast like it? No, no, you just can't you can't do it too powerful. You can't get out
You had to be strong. Okay, you are ancient elder magic, right? You do not hope to dispel them.
So I don't think, so I think that, you know,
when I, when this question first started,
I was like, cool, the DMs trying to be like,
this is a God's domain and I'm actually trying
to make it different here.
So the rules aren't the same,
but then when it's just like, the favorite player has a range.
Like, of course that works.
Exactly.
I actually want to commend the player
for accepting the DM's ruling.
Yeah.
Because rules is written, it shouldn't work.
But if the DM wants it to, and the players are fine with it,
I think that's great how they react.
Yeah, I agree.
I agree.
I agree with that.
It's the inequality that I have an issue with.
The ring should have been able to work
if the hut can't work.
If the hut doesn't fit, you must have quit.
You don't?
Cockroot on the cake.
I'm gonna beat that one.
I'm here Jeremy Cobgren.
Did it say Jake, what the ring was?
Ring of warmth. So that my question is how big, like, can everybody fit in the tiny hut?
Is that? Yeah, definitely.
So it feels like the,
the DM must have just like,
they wanted their thing to affect somebody.
Oh my God.
Okay, so long.
Guys, the ring of warmth is uncommon.
That's nothing.
That's.
But I am reading the description
and it does say it works in situations that huts don't.
What?
What?
I'm literally Jeremy Crawford.
So I don't know.
If Tania doesn't work, try this out.
Try this on for size.
It's just try this on for size.
It actually works better than the hot toy.
Really weird.
They usually don't say, talking to this language.
Your DMs being a prick about the hut, use this.
Yeah.
So casual and angry.
No, that'd be, I mean.
It's written by Troy's DM.
I still wouldn't agree with it.
I still think it would be weird, but it'd be one thing
if it was like, this was a legendary item
that this God specifically left behind.
Yeah, it's a real thing.
They had found it and it's like,
I imagine to defend this DM for a second.
I imagine what happened is they busted out the hut
like as soon as they got there and it's like,
oh my God, all the stakes are gone.
They're like, that actually doesn't work.
And then later they're like,
resistance is a cold damage, oh, it's fine.
That's fine.
Yeah, or they like took like a shit ton of damage
that they were gonna go down and they were like,
wait, my ring of warmth in the DM is like,
I can't, I can't take this from them in this moment.
Yeah, but I think we have to go with Jeremy's ruling,
which was, if the hut does not fit,
you must have quit.
Was that it?
Yes, if the hut doesn't fit.
The ring is fine.
The ring doesn't have any efforts,
but if the hut does fit,
if the ring does fit, you also must have quit.
Yes.
If the hut does not fit,
and the ring does fit,
then you must have quit.
Then you must have quit.
There's a funnett square table. Yeah, what happens if both fit? Because if does fit, then you must quit. That new music quit. There's a fun square table of like,
what happens if both of it.
Because if both work, it's fine.
If neither work, it's fine.
If one works, if the other one doesn't,
that's not fine.
Yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
I'm just hung up on the fact that it says
that it's dry in the hut.
Like how dry are you gonna wake up
and like you're gonna need a glass of water
or it's like, are your signs is gonna be parched?
You need a humidifier.
You do, okay.
Okay, fire the hot.
Really, it's dry like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's not good for your throat.
It says you can grow hojas here,
but not some of the more tropical loving, you know.
Great, of course.
So I guess the punishment will be removing the DM's humidifier.
There you go, from their actual house.
Yeah.
The DM is no longer allowed to use humidifiers. No matter how scratchy their throat gets. Live a dry dry health. You're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it.
You're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it. You're not going to be able to do it. Yeah, oh toddler Tp Baylif the court requests a toddler Tp. Yeah, I have several in the alley
So just to recap the punishment the DM has to move to a toddler Tp and Buffalo
And can't bring a humidifier
Because I do think that it is a very simple situation
I do think that it is a very simple situation. Yeah.
Can you solve something that's a ring that's too small?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
They could get it on.
It would warm them.
Oh, wow.
All right.
Okay.
I do feel a little bit of that wild, hog-glitter-day spirit.
Welling up inside me once more.
I'll say you have to use, you have to use a vacation day from work.
Oh, God.
Yeah, you had to do you have to use a vacation day from work
Yeah, you have to do it. I'm like a 30s day. So you still have to go to work on Friday
Right. Oh my god. You have to go to Buffalo for the night and come back to get to work on Friday. No
So you have to explain this to everyone in an email. Yeah
Just imagine using a vacation day this early in the year for something that you didn't even want to do. And you're so sick from camping in Buffalo.
Right.
Anyway, I'll be back on Friday. Does anyone want my humidifier? I'm not allowed to have it.
Does anyone want it?
That has to be a PS in the work email that you send.
I'm not like, yes. Does anyone need my humidifier for the night?
Yeah. If you get sick out there, maybe it ends up being like a blessing in disguise
where like you basically get a camping trip
and then you just go home for like a week or two.
Oh, okay, so your vacation day turns into sick days,
but then again, we're at the beginning of the month
and you're using up a precious calendar,
realistically, on a punishment.
January 8th, just burning a vacation day.
You go camping in Buffalo, it's so brutal. It's bold
Do we does this does this?
Uh DM even live in New York state?
We don't know. I have no idea. I don't know.
I just like it kind of a them question.
Then they have a problem. They have to pay their own way there too.
To listen. We can't know. Yeah. This could easily be easy or impossible, depending.
Yeah, and I need to take a couple days off.
Although even if they happened to live in Buffalo, New York,
having to sleep in your backyard,
you know, would be like maybe a death sentence,
especially in a very small, very small hug.
Yeah, yeah.
I think this person has still been murdered by the court.
I don't know if I can fall asleep in a toddler's little hut. Yeah. Yeah. I think this person has still been murdered by the court. I don't know if I can fall asleep in a toddler's little hut. No. It will be 20 degrees this Thursday
in Buffalo. Okay. That's okay. That's okay. That's adorable. Yeah. If they layer, yeah,
layer up. Yeah. We're giving them a little into the wild experience. You're welcome for
the fucking unique vacation. Into the wild. I didn't watch the whole movie, but that turned out great, right?
Yeah. He lived a happy, long and happy life. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Yeah. The court will comp you for some long underwear. I think that's fair.
Justice Tanner will.
We have so thoroughly sentenced this person that most of us think probably had the right intent.
We think they just fucked up. I think they they have to bring the table tattler.
Yeah, I think 10 minutes, 10 minutes into the session, they were like nothing works here
and then two hours into the session, they're like actually it's fine.
Yeah, they're actually pretty nice.
But now they have to get it.
Okay, anyway, they're sentenced to death and bottom.
Chloe L, we have killed this person.
Go Bills, Chloe L writes, honorable justices
and equally honorable bailiff.
Thank you.
I present the case of the overpowered familiar.
I am a new DM, DMing my second campaign
with slightly more people than the first,
with the first campaign being put on hold
in favor of more PCs.
In the first campaign, on the very first session,
I let my bar do an animal handling check
on a dire wolf who is supposed to attack them.
And the check landed so well that I let the dire wolf
become her animal companion.
This threw off the balance of any combat encounters,
and I still haven't been able to make
a challenging enough encounter.
In my newer campaign with more people,
I had the player's role back stories
from Xanathar's guide if they wished.
One of my players got in her back story that she has a wish granted as a child.
And the player had wished for a talking dog.
I let this happen on the account of the dog just be for roleplay reasons.
However, we have large breaks between sessions and they are mostly newer players, so she
has asked a few times if her dog can help out with combat.
Keep in mind the party already has five PCs, so it's pretty large.
Am I right to refuse her the added help
or is my past experience with familiars
clouding my judgment?
I have several questions here.
So a dire wolf has, is challenge rating one,
they get one attack, it's 2d6 plus 3 plus 5 to hit.
That's not bad, like if you're all level one or two.
That could be that feel.
That could be that feel.
But I feel like you could just like amp everything up
to accommodate that if you beat.
I also think you don't like, there's always a world where
just because you succeed on an animal handling check
doesn't mean that every animal will kill for you.
Once a year.
Once a year.
And also like animals have their own rich, vibrant
lives and back stories that can call them away from the person's side.
I know what I would do. I would say, I let them have the animal and then put the dog in repeated pair.
Yeah. Just to drive up the drama. Because they can't resurrect this dog.
This is just a dog friend that they have.
Yeah.
So if you want to put your best friend on the front lines on armoured, just straight up
dog.
You could straight up be like, yeah, here's what you can do is you can use an embeddl
to give you a help action on an attack, but that means that the dog is pulling at the
combatants, you know, pant leg and therefore the combatants
probably going to attack that.
Right.
Yeah, this is what we did with the hexbloods
with Lake and Corbo where Corbo wanted so badly,
not for Lake to involve.
Yeah, but she did and thus was put in danger.
But here's another important thing to remember is,
this DM is traumatized by the dire wolf situation,
which I still think you could have just
amped up the danger and kinda made it work,
but I get it, they're all level one or two
or whatever dire wolf would be really good.
I have the family of dire wolves calm and say,
you know, shit's going really bad back home.
Back in dire wolf town.
We need you back in dire wolf town.
Yeah, if you care at all about this dire wolf, you'll let him go home. Back in dire wolf town. We need you back in dire wolf town. Yeah, if you care at all about this dire wolf,
you'll let him go home.
Hopefully.
It's to go take over the dire wolf family business.
Right, but I will say that's a dire wolf.
And that's a whole adventure hook right there.
It's important to remember how absolute shit
regular ass animals are in D&D.
So a mastiff, which is like a big ass fucking hound,
they're like good for hunting.
Yeah, could kill me.
It's a challenge rating one one eighth.
They have five hit points.
So you could make this dog even worse and if they're hit for if this if a mastiff is hit for 10 damage it dies forever.
One hit gone.
So you could just give it this stats
or make it even worse.
And then yeah, would follow Jeremy's advice
and be like, yeah, you can send your dog
after a goblin with a knife if you want,
but it might get stabbed.
And like you had a wish,
you had a wish spell in your backstory,
it's not coming in your future.
Right, yeah.
And the fact that this was in your backstory
means that this dog is significant to you.
And also, there's one other thing we haven't mentioned yet,
which is that the dog can talk.
So the dog can voice its displeasure
with all of the things that are happening to it.
If you're voicing the dog, you can just be,
oh, I don't wanna do this.
Oh, yeah, I just realized something.
This person is playing a bard, right?
So they'll get magical secrets.
They could just learn, find familiar.
Yeah, oh, that's true.
So you should just say to this person,
okay, here's the deal, you can't use it yet,
but down the line, if you're lore,
I think you get it earlier,
if you're a regular bard, you get it at 10th level.
Down the line, you can learn the spell,
and it will make this talking dog also immortal.
Yeah, the dog, you can essentially resurrect the dog.
I think for now, I'd follow Jeremy's advice
and be like, you'll put it in danger right now,
but I would let you flavor, find familiar to essentially
be like, I'm gonna create a link between me and this dog.
If the dog dies, it comes back.
Wow.
Yeah.
I love Emily's idea too though.
I think you could work the idea, like saying,
it helps, but it doesn't adapt.
Yeah.
Like, because you can get creative with that.
I don't know what kind of dog this is,
but like I'm envisioning, it runs up,
just starts, it gets a little chihuahua,
that's like yapping at people,
or it's like, it's so cute,
that like it just walks up and they're like,
oh, oh.
It does have a talking dog,
so we could just be like that talking dog
that's really rude.
Maybe it helps with skill checks.
Yeah.
Like, what if it's just a skill check dog? Like, it helps you investigate stuff. Oh, that really rude. Yeah. Maybe it helps with skill checks. Yeah. Like, what if it's just a skill check dog?
Like, it helps you investigate stuff.
Oh, that's fun.
Well, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like Emily is addressing the note behind the note,
which is like, this player is like,
I wished for a talking dog and it feels like
it's not doing anything.
Yeah.
I want to like, I want to have it be more involved.
So like, having it help more with skill checks
or like, recon missions or something,
and then get more incorporated down the line with your druid spells.
That seems perfect.
I would say maybe ask your dog what they want to do.
I mean like you're really not considering their feelings and opinions and all of this.
Yeah.
You can ask the DM, you can just make the dog a coward.
Hmm.
Yeah, Scooby Doo is a coward.
He's super interesting to watch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's super interesting to watch.
I was so surprised when Scooby Doo asked a kid.
You could actually give it a scrappy due voice and
Could you be like hey do you want to eat a giant sandwich with me and the dog will be like no thanks?
I want to solve mysteries and it's just like I'll fuck out of here. I want to eat giant sandwiches with you
I just realized we're giving constructive feedback rather than sentencing someone
So we need to we need to shift away from this
Oh, I thought I think we're for the player though honestly. We're saying like
We're giving the DM advice on how to handle the company. Yeah, what the player is asking for
We're saying that the players may be not being totally unreasonable and there is a
way that you could incorporate it and then even let the player know that the more you
use it, the more it might die.
But some day, if you reach level 10, you can get a spell to resurrect it and have it
be your familiar.
Yeah.
I think the DM is right in being worried that they could be giving away too many things,
but I think like with proper stuff,
with like what Emily and Jeremy are saying,
like warning that the animal will be in danger,
being like, hey, you don't have to find familiar spell,
you won't get that until later,
then it'll be better, then you can use that.
But that being said, I think we are saying
that the player can keep the dog and have the dog do stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
And the DM must be punished.
Yeah.
We must punish the DM.
We must punish the DM.
Sadly, we are reluctant to punish DMs in this court.
How about we, all right, maybe this could be a punishment
or a blessing depending on the DM's attitude,
but we give the DM a scrappy do.
We, ooh, that's exactly what you read, my Jesus.
Justice Canner, you read my mind.
Justice cop.
Mine was really different.
I was gonna say every morning when they wake up
for 20 minutes, their voice sounds like.
Just scrappy.
It's just there.
Wow.
All right.
I was okay.
Maybe we combine it and have their dog
for 20 minutes every day.
Incessantly talk like scrappy.
Oh, and you don't know what 20 minutes is gonna be.
Oh my God.
It was like four in the morning,
knocking on your door.
Would you rather have Scubi do,
or Scrabby do have to live at your house,
or yeah, for 20 minutes every day,
and you don't know what 20 minutes is gonna be,
you talk like Scrabby do.
Oh wow.
You could be in a job interview and you're just like,
that did it, that did it, puppy power.
I would never scrappy dude showing up
because like I would rather hate someone else than myself.
Wow, that's really beautiful.
Thank you.
It's the new year and I'm feeling so hopeful.
Maybe you're lucky and you're out of the house
when scrappy dude is out. No when scrappy do. Yeah, sure.
No, but scrappy do now lives with you.
Scrappy do becomes your dog.
And it's actual scrappy do.
It's actual scrappy do lives at your house
and he is your pet dog.
Yeah, he's brave.
Or it's my brave.
He's also immortal.
I think he is.
He's actually.
He dies the day you die.
He dies the day you die. It's been a long, fun road partner.
Guys, I just looked up a picture of Scrapid.
He was really cute.
I wouldn't have Scrapid do it my life.
I think here's the thing about Scrapid do is he's a puppy.
I feel like you could teach him.
You could teach him to be better.
No, Scrapid do sucks in the ass.
And I would rather speak like him than be around him.
I'd rather other people have to deal with me
than me have to deal with the scrappy dude.
Cause also 20, so here's our change.
Now you see how my punishment will get lined up.
Is that my husband would become smart?
Now you live with a scrappy dude.
Oh, that's the mighty flaw right there.
But it's only 20 minutes.
So actually, for 20 minutes a day,
I'm married to scrappy dude.
So here's the thing is that if it's truly random,
if it's truly random, then you wouldn't have to worry
about the scrappy dude thing that much.
But if there's like a,
that's true, but you might be scrappy dude on the game.
Pointing at you and making you scrappy dude
at bad moments, that would be worse, I think,
than having scrappy dude.
But if it's truly random, I'd rather turn
and scrappy dude for 20 minutes every day.
Wow.
Thank you.
That's a long time.
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Okay. Did we settle on a sentence or I think we settled on a would you rather?
Well, you this DM this DMs are kind of on their side. They can decide to turn a
discrepid to for 20 minutes every day or have a discrepid to be their dog. Yeah, I like that.
Oh, that's good. That's that is a way to like their dog. I like that. That's great. Oh, that's good.
That is a way to like, because we do like that.
We do like you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
I actually love that.
So ordered.
Tyler D writes,
may it please the illustrious judges
and their stalwart Baylor?
Wow.
I come to you as a humble DM
who gave their PCs too many toys to play with.
Oh, no.
I run a high level campaign.
I love these stories.
They make me so happy.
I love hearing what people get into.
I stand in solidarity.
I accidentally made my players happy.
I run a high level campaign in which the party had recently received a large payout for
their endeavors.
One of my players decided that instead of spending all of his hard earned loot on weapons, armor,
or magic items, he wanted to buy two things.
One, a bag of holding, and two, as many fire bombs as he could possibly fit into the back.
He spent about 100,000 gold on bombs, and a scene amount of money he has been saving
up for dozens of sessions.
I, this person has a fucking 10 year plan, and I love this for them. Thank you.
For a while, there was a bomb or four
and things were fine.
Then in one particularly dire encounter,
the PC with a bag full of bombs flew above the big,
bad cleric and proceeded to turn his bag of holding inside out.
When the bombs hit the cumulative blast damage
was over 3,400.
I made the whole party,
I made the whole party make save to try to shield themselves from the explosion and several got seriously injured by the blast even though they were far away.
The local environment and all of the other remaining enemies were decimated.
I am now concerned that this is going to be something the party wants to use again.
I set up the rules of this world and told them they could have bombs, but 3,000 damage is ridiculous.
The problem though is that my players love it.
They love to blow shit up and I don't want to take it away from them.
This leaves me questioning what to do.
Should I nerf the bombs?
Should I just plan for this nonsense and making counters to spread out for a single new
attack or have a second wave of baddies?
Or was I wrong to let them do this in the first place?
And now my players have toys that simply cannot be put
back in the box.
OK, so I'm going to say one thing already, which is I'm looking at
bomb.
And it says, as an action, a character can light this bomb
and throw it.
So there's nothing in it that says, if it falls on something,
it doesn't say an object interaction will trigger it.
It says, as an action, whereas like we did a thing with
dynamite one time.
And it's because in the dynamite description,
it says a character can bind sticks of dynamite together,
so they explode at the same time.
And there's a max damage.
And there's a max damage threshold,
but they don't have that for the bomb.
The bomb just says it's an action.
Yeah, I was looking at fire bomb
because that's what they said.
But all I see is bomb and grenades and stuff.
There's nothing that does.
A bomb is only a DC 12 dexterity saving throw,
but I guess the thing is, it's like, yeah, if you have.
But it is fire damage.
Are these like normal D&D bombs or is this a home bruise?
It could be a home bruise thing for sure,
but I mean, if they bought all of these bombs,
the bag of holding can hold 500 pounds.
They could have bought 500 of these bombs.
They do 3D6 each.
So yeah, I'm saying 1500 D6.
Yeah, but it's still, like I said, it does say as an action,
a character can light a bomb.
So essentially these bombs wouldn't have been lit.
Yeah, each bomb costs 150 gold, which is pretty pricey for 3D6.
Yeah, this guy had 100,000 gold.
That's a lot of gold.
Yeah, so that's, he was rich, he was loaded, he spent all of his money on it.
Maybe that's the solution for the DM.
Stop giving him so much money if you know what's going to bounce.
Yeah, exactly.
You can give him bombs, you just can't give him the cash.
Bounce cost 150 gold, yeah, they've used so many bombs
They've used so much money like yeah, just scale back the money money. You're giving them
They probably use all bombs in the world like this is a finite resource
Oh, that's true too
They have to create a bomb factor. Yeah, that's the next project
Which I guess it is clear out a lot of forest. Maybe they can put one there
Yeah, just build it in the wreckage.
That is another thing I wanted to bring up
is that like they cleared out a whole farce.
There's definitely gonna be people mad about that.
So I think the like, repercussions exist.
Yeah, I was gonna say this could also,
you could absolutely murder some of your players with this,
which is what I would suggest that you do.
Cause at this point, the fucking cat is out of the bag.
Like you've opened Pandora's box, they love this.
You're in it.
They have a bag full of bombs.
You can't take it away from them.
But no, they don't anymore.
They don't.
It's a bomb campaign.
No, they have a bag of bombs.
They used all of the 100,000 gold worth of bombs.
Yeah, he said he dumped the entire thing.
Oh, the entire thing.
Well, then problem solved just don't give them
100,000 gold ever again.
That's crazy.
But if they do, somebody would have heard of these exploits.
Certainly if they blew up an entire forest,
you have a bad guy mage prepared with telekinesis,
literally kill half the party next time they do it.
Literally, as they throw the bombs, literally toss it, and if they're gonna nuke, yeah?
You fight fire with fire.
You mines what looks like throwing a football,
and now I can just see a telekinetic hand.
Yeah.
Football.
And a nice fireball.
Yeah, fireball.
If anything, I would set this up.
This is a great hook for a new BBEG,
or like a lieutenant, something of being like,
a mage is like, scrying on them,
sees the type of shenanigans they've been doing.
If somebody's gonna drop fucking a thousand bombs on them,
they go cool, gonna telekinesis that bag over there
towards Bev and Hard one and They're different
It was a little laugh
Sorry, it's a happy-do's voice
One thing I was always interested to me is like moments like that like what you just described is so awesome
Yeah, but there's no part of me as a player that's like,
let's recreate it.
I'm like, if you recreate it, it's not special anymore.
It's more like, oh, remember when we did that one crazy thing.
Yeah.
What's our next crazy thing gonna be?
I can't imagine this player is just gonna start saving
their money for another year of campaign.
They will.
They're really into it.
Yeah, sounds like they're-
Maybe you're right.
But if they save their money for a year,
then I feel like that's like a fire,
an annual fireworks show basically.
That's it.
There you go.
Kind of fair, too.
You get one per year.
Yeah, that's true.
Back I just gone.
My pitch, though, is to make this a bomb campaign.
Like, oh, if we look at, the DM used the word nuke.
And when nuke were used in real life
It changed the face of warfare. So I feel like once you've uncovered this strategy
Just like Murf said people are gonna take notes. Yeah, and there are there first of all
There's gonna be people who might have lost property or lost loved ones in that blast who might come back looking for revenge
But there's also gonna be people who are like, oh, that's a strategy, we can do that.
That's what I was gonna say, there's gonna be an arms race.
Yeah. Yeah.
There's gonna be bombs all over the place.
You can start like horse bombing the characters.
Oh my, like they're attaching bombs to their horses
and they start to try and ride them
and the horse just explodes.
Oh my God, I can combine me and Jeremy's plan
into something that's so bad for the players.
So now, whenever the players go to buy bombs,
they're like, this is crazy.
Somebody just came through and bought out our whole thing.
Oh!
Oh my God!
And the bad guys are just building a cashier.
I'm like, you're arsenal.
Yes.
You turn the bad guys into the bad guys.
Yeah.
Yes.
The bad guys have heard about this and they're like, yes, of duh.
Why don't we just buy up all the bombs
and it becomes an arms race at the players?
Can we?
Yeah.
I think that we, although we are saying
like you can't really do anything,
so I guess technically we're siding against the DM.
Our punishment is more like, okay, you have to make.
Now you have to run this.
Yeah.
Yeah. I love it.
It's just so stupid and fun to picture an alternate reality where instead of nuclear
bombs, we just came up with putting a bunch of bombs in a bag.
This Cold War D&D campaign is being asked to come to all about espionage, stockpiling,
huge reserves that will destroy the prime material blame.
Yeah, yeah. that's a sick campaign
I would fucking sit down at this table. Yeah, yeah
Just airships with trash bags full of bombs ready to drive it also is like if you look at it
It's just a DC 12 dexterity saving throw or take 3d6 fire damage, right? You can be hiding bombs everywhere
Right
Those are kind of low stakes. Yeah.
But it's also so instinctually scary. Right.
So scary for the players to go to town to be like, I'd like to buy 10 bombs.
They're like, sorry, we're making them for the government now.
Sorry, the king got an idea.
Sorry. Yeah.
Saw out in the, yeah,
is it sure that you your $100,000?
$100,000 gold is nothing compared to the royal treasury.
Oh, God, there's so many fun ways that you can play this too.
Like, they could get recruited by the royal treasury
to advise on the bombs, yeah.
And then they have to get into bomb detonation.
I mean, bomb, what do you call it when you make it knock off?
Oh, oh, diffusing.
Yeah, defusing.
Then they're gonna suddenly see the error of their ways
and then get into diffusing problems.
It's a hurtlocker campaign.
Yeah.
It's a game during the art locker.
Sweet, why don't we go ahead and do one more, Baylor F.J.?
That was great.
Gladly.
Do we guys wanna do a confession?
Ooh, a dice-crissed confession.
We do have the beginner's Bible. We do have the beginner's Bible
That's candy ready to go. Okay. Yeah, let's do a dice confession. Okay, Matt Kay writes to Jeremy
We're we're moving from court to church
They're deeply intertwined
Yeah, we don't separate church and state they are the same
We don't separate church and state they are the same We don't separate each other's pockets.
What we do is see that giant curtain behind us
We're going to open that and reveal the huge stained glass window and let the light of justice shine down
Yeah, the justice is take off the robes and put on Popeats. Yeah
There's a campaign where we're the bad guys for sure
Dice crisis carrying a scale with two with two D20s on it.
With the one and a 20.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Riley W. writes with a confession.
They say, I don't have a case, but I do have a confession that has been eating at my soul.
Oh my goodness, you've come to the right place.
Racked with guilt.
Court, church.
Speak my son.
I was playing in a campaign that my friend was DMing
for the very first time recently,
and I'd stowed away on the bowels of a ship
and cast invisibility on myself,
saying I'd like to look around.
My friend said that I basically have advantage
on anything since I'm invisible,
which I kept in mind going forward.
Later, I said I wanted to search the sleeping quarters
of the ship, rolling an investigation check.
It wasn't explicitly said, but due to my DM's previous words, I rolled with advantage,
rolling a natural one and a natural 20.
In a moment of uncertainty and a possible sin, I told her I'd rolled a nat 20, catching
her off guard as she certainly hadn't expected me to find anything of value.
As a result, I found a chest build with vials that I snuck off the ship through a variety of checks and turned out to be 40 air elementals kept in individual vials. Woo!
That's rad. That's really fun. It was too good to mess up and turn back so I sat on my natural
20 that I rolled with potentially uncalled for advantage. Am I in the wrong? Have I eternally
dam myself to rolls with this advantage? Can the light of dice-crisped ever properly shine on me again?
These cleanse me of my sins,
so I can once again roll with a clean conscience.
We've said this before, dice-crisped gave you those roles.
Yeah, those are some spicy roles
that were brought from the spicy stew of dice-crisped himself.
I feel like this guilt is unfounded, right? Yeah, I think so too. If they said with roll with it, you have advantageiced Christ himself. This, I feel like this guilt is unfounded, right?
Yeah, I think so too.
If they said, with,
roll with it, you have advantage on every day.
The DM said basically,
you've been having a challenge.
I can't foresee how in a situation
where you're invisible,
you roll with advantage for investigation.
Because you're not,
being so you have time,
you know, like you can really take your time
and investigate because you aren't worried about getting caught. The way I see this, there was like a pair of pads.
Oh, forking out.
Yes.
You could have, you chose, you have the NAT one path, and then you have the NAT 20 path.
This person chose the NAT 20 path, but both paths were presented.
Now, I'm not sure if this is like one of those Christianity narrow is the way and why it is the way it deals,
where it's like you have to pick the narrow path or the broad path
But they chose a path and it appears that they were blessed for it
Yeah, I
have to side with justice or I guess parishioner actually
That's what you were blessed. Yes. Thank you. Actually, I'm a nun. I think
Sister asked
Father Cobb brings up a very good point, which is that,
if they had gone down the path of the NAT1,
it might have been painful in the moment,
but something super fun would have resulted either way.
Like maybe they would have been discovered
and they would have had to like stage
a last minute escape out of the hatch
of the airship or something like that.
You would have gotten a great story out of it either way.
The outcome would have been different,
but you know what, dice Christ,
always taking care of you,
regardless of the 20 or the one.
I also feel like what the DM came up with is really fun,
and like ignites my imagination.
So I also feel like your choice,
so you felt it was selfish.
It was also elevating someone else.
To come up with something fun,
that like a crazy thing for it.
Or at least, at least rolled with it.
So this DM is a true child of dice Christ.
What if they weren't prepared for it though?
How is there with that?
Yeah, it sounds like it was really cool.
Then this DM is fucking dice Christ themselves.
Do you think that the air elementals are like what's like
powering the airship?
Is that where those air and the little missiles were there?
Yeah, it could be.
I don't know. Was it an airship that they say it was an airship, is that where those air and little missiles were there? Yeah, it could be. I don't know.
Was it an airship that they say it was an airship?
It seems like a weapon.
It could be an air elemental.
Air elemental comes out pretty cool.
What I will say is that I do think you owe us a tie if you could just give each of us
one of your vials of air elemental.
I will take an air elemental.
Dicecrest will take an air elemental.
Right, yeah, donation.
We're going to pass around the donation basket and you could just place it,
Aralemental and then for each of us.
How nice would it be to have a little Aralemental
just playing around in your hair?
Whoa, just like a nice little tussle.
Yes, you would always look like you were
in a model in a photo shoot.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, they can get rid of your farts.
If you're like, oh wow,
or blow them to your friends who would wanna smell them. I will say they can store up all of your farts, if you're like, oh, wow, or blow them to your friends who would want to
smell them. I will say they could store up all of your farts and save them to like use
against your enemy. Yeah. As an elemental in its own. I would vote to, this of course,
church and court. I would vote to absolve this person of their sins because dice Christ offers
us these different paths based on the roles, but dice Christ, since it is D&D, we revel
in the technicalities. And technically your DM said that you can roll with advantage on
basically anything. And thus you did that. Yeah, the Burbiet alone. Basically everything.
I can wrap my imagination around the fact that being invisible
would give you advantage on an investigation check,
just because it buys you time.
The DM set.
You can be thorough.
Technically you're right, and that's the most important,
and that's the best way to be right.
It's technically such a legalistic.
Yeah.
Which makes sense.
Which makes sense.
Exactly.
Drop that weight.
Be lifted by your air elementals.
For just coming to the court,
you do have to bring us some air elementals
as a foundation for other men.
Yeah, absolutely.
Leave some air elementals in the,
other than that, you're fine.
In the donate area.
You decide those quarters in the basket
and just plop some of those vials in there.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, if anyone here, if I'm like,
if I'm like, hey, you guys are,
you got past without trace.
As you guys are sneaking around here,
you guys kind of just pretty much have advantage on everything.
If you go into like a room,
are you sitting there being like,
advantage on this?
Advantage on this?
No, you're probably livin' everything.
Sometimes, that would actually be annoying on the DM, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, I said basically everything.
Okay, just frickin' roll, man.
Yeah.
You've really interrupted the flow.
Yeah.
Even more so than I'm doing now, really intense eye contact.
We were getting somewhere good, and then you had to fuck a talk about rules.
Right.
It's an advantage, it was basically meant everything except investing.
Literally everything else, including acrobatics and athleticism.
This is my favorite style of plays, where I just ask Merf every time about everything.
I do feel like that is how we play.
A friend of mine did ask, literally, used to ask for advantage on every single thing.
Yeah, that stuff.
Oh, I was talking about, I feel like we clarify with Murf,
what we're allowed to do all the time.
Yeah, we timidly ask.
Oh, my friend would just look advantageous
before she rolled the tag every single time.
To be fair, she didn't understand how advantageous it is.
Yeah, yeah.
I feel like we do that a lot too because it's,
I feel like you can get advantage on persuasion checks and stuff
Like when it's like a great role play moments. It's very funny when somebody will be like I give this speech
Can I have advantage
That and I kind of love what I know it's like to extend up and at the end of your set being like did I do a good job?
I like to say it as a bit a bit when things are really dire,
just to break the tension.
Right, yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
I feel like this person did essentially
what the players with the bombs did,
which just get away with, just use your DMs words against them.
This is the dice-crest way.
Words are power.
Yeah, sweet.
Thank you all so much for listening.
We're going to go ahead and wrap this one up.
We will have bonus cases over on our Patreon.
That's patreon.com slash nat pod.
That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D don't sing.
Wait.
Please.
Sorry.
We will be joined by Jeremy for some bonus cases.
Jeremy, do you have anything you'd like to plug?
Yeah, please go check out three black halflings.
Uh, we're a D&D kind of a variety show podcast at this point, but we do,
like talk shows, we do interviews, we've done interviews with everyone,
except for Emily. I've just realized, except for Emily and that part.
You like me and Kareg, but not as a person.
Oh, no, this must be rectified.
Uh, we will, at some point in the future,
have done an interview with Emily as well.
Emily's also played with you guys more than
probably anyone though.
Emily's essentially an honorary athlete,
at this point, wow.
But you've never had a frank conversation with her.
In fact, go check out the show that Emily was on.
I'll loss an obelisk, just finished airing
probably a few weeks ago.
What's so fun. Released.
And I don't know when this is coming out, but the plan is in January and just like a
week or so, we're going to be releasing a little one shot with everybody.
Yeah.
Big crossover event.
Really funny.
God that episode is fucking sad.
If you thought we'd been off the rails before,
it would have listened to the show.
It heavily involves Kevin Costner?
Sure does.
It's a cost arrest.
Yes, cost arrest.
It's a cost arrest.
Kevin Costner.
It was cost arrest.
It's absolutely true.
You're just going to hear us play a new system,
which I put in a quote, Dave.
Yeah, it was completely off the rails.
It's nuts.
Check that out on three black halflings.
That'll be coming out.
So this is coming out beginning of January.
We will plug it next week as well.
But I believe it'll be coming out in about a week.
So be on the plan out.
Yeah, for the 13th century.
All right, I'll give twice plug power to that plug.
Yeah, I'm gonna plug into it also.
We're overloading the circuit plug.
No!
Oh no, we're gonna blow up you.
I'll pile one more plug on that pile.
Let's go.
And if you wanna follow me, I now use social media
for public purposes.
So if you wanna follow me, you can follow me on Twitter
at at Jeremy Cobb 1, and that's Cobb with 2B.
I'll stick a fork right into that plug.
Go follow it.
I don't follow it.
Jake, do you have anything you want to plug?
Just Jeremy and his new Twitter.
Sweet.
Just Jeremy and his new friends.
Sweet, you can follow all of us on social media
that we're very, very mad at use.
At CHMRI, at Colddisk, Colddwell, at Jagerwitz, at Yaxford,
is Emily and at Jeremy Cobb,
one is Jeremy Cobb?
Yes, that's right.
That's Robb with 2Bs.
With 2Bs, and you can tweet about the show using
hashtag NADPA, that's any DDPOD.
We are the
We are the youth of a band show.
We are the youth of a nation.
We are the youth of a nation. Whoa, whoa, whoa, it is time to thank our benevolent council of elders.
Starting with Brad D, Jeffree S, Howdor Frostback, Steelbreaker, Matt M and Darby M. D.M.s who
thought they knew how Misty Step worked, but were actually thinking of a spell from
fourth edition called Musty Step, which teleports you 10 feet and leaves behind a big cloud
of mildew.
Jordan DJ, Cutter W, Jive G, Dylan B, Dungeon,
Mama, tight-lipped D&D players who have never once tattled on their table, which is really
impressive because a lot of their friends clearly haven't read the player's handbook
and routinely roll the wrong dice. Your honor knows no bounds. Danielle the Dastardly
Dame, Andrew M Beardman Dan, Scott D and Danny P people playing in a scooby-doo
5e campaign that's actually just a re-skinned boss baby campaign with scrappy-do as the
big bad it sounds miserable and that's because it is I don't know man I think I'd love to
join that one.
Mixologist Michael Mick D Vincent W Nicole T Victor T. Boundores boy and Justin I Park
Rangers that adopt familiar
rejected by DMs for being too powerful. Their motto is, you can never have too many
dire wolves, but the number of mollings in the park suggests otherwise.
Ragnar Ferdwin, T.J. M. The Noem Barbarian, Kaylee E. Alana M. Treylay The Cray Faye, and
Jared E. Players in an all scubi-doo campaign. Nicholas is scubi. TJ is scrappy.
Kayla is scubi dumb. Elena is scubi-d. Traile is ruby-ru. And Jared is yabba-du.
Fun fact, these are all real scubi-du characters. My god. I'm so sorry you had to find out this way.
Just an MR, Damial R. Cyborg version of Josh the Kobold, Danny C, Philbert the Fabulous
and Richard X Machina, shopkeepers who hide their bombs every time Tyler D's players come
into town. They all work at 7-11 so it's weird that they have bombs to begin with, but still,
you made the right call. Michael L. Trast the Traveler, Sir Carl, Jory S. Calum L,
players who filled their bags of holding with hot water and made wearable hot tubs instead of bomb filled death sacks.
These are the first tabletop players to receive the Nobel Peace Prize, and it's well deserved.
Jack L, Sam L, Nicholas C, Sam B, and Mike H, acolytes in the Church of Dice Christ,
they handle collecting the offerings which is way harder than it sounds because very
few banks will accept vials of elementals as currency.
That's... I don't know, they got to change that, honestly.
Uchumulik, the baby-bond bronze dragon, Matthew E. Colton B. Adam G. Meagan S. N. Nebajar,
janitors responsible for cleaning the supreme crits, high chairs, one time Adam G. found
an entire meatball parm, wedged under Justice Tanner's seat wisely, they decided not to
remove it. Yeah, he's gonna finish that.
Panama James, Cummins the Bar, Captain Sijal, Nathensie, and Diana, a group of overpowered
familiar who are thinking they might ditch their weak PCs and make it on their own.
Good luck, kids.
CC Lulu, Barnes & Ador, Michelle O, Alex W. and Timmy R.
Tiny Hut, Renovators, who turn your tiny hut into the tiny hut of your dreams mid
century, open concept, maximalist, these folks can Leigh D'Taco. The Misty's
stepping paladins sounds ferocious, but actually they're a delightful Irish step dancing crew.
Joy-T, Nara, Jack L. Nick W. Brave the Badger, and as may M, military officials who realize they
have been wasting their technology on bombs and weapons all along and have diverted all R&D funds into creating a bag of holding.
Whoa.
Look out, folks.
Nathan, Kazmir, the all-knowing Big Bad Beard of the Mad, giant monsters on the horizon
and Gulia Julia.
Jewelers who just upped the price on their signature ring of warming after finding out they
evade all magical effects by even the most powerful spellcasters.
Good on ya.
Thrath, Berli T.
Percival Fredrickson, Vaughn Mussel, Kloewski, Dirolo, the third.
Thank you for that one.
Christian A. J. Dragonborn, and Joro the Anapropo, a kindly group of tailgating Buffalo
Bills fans who are known to take pity on anyone camping out in a toddler tent so long
as they acknowledge the skill and supremacy of Josh Allen.
Cody B. Liam D. The San Drey in Ben A. Feldanis and Dave H. Six of the 40 air elementals in
vials that are that rightly W retrieved. Cody D. is a winters gust. Dave H. is a summer's
gale and Feldanis is unfortunately one of Jeremy's farts.
Vivian, Koala Bear, Catherine S, David K, Christian S, and Dustin S. A lot of S's.
Table Tatlers who are actually undercover spies for their DM is a tough role to play,
but someone's gotta do it.
Connor F, Hawkeye Pierce, Isabelle F, the Time Walker, two left eyes, and DPC is awesome.
Shout out to the Scooby-Doo crew.
This puppy party is essentially the most hated adventuring group in all of Bohemia.
I'd hang out with you.
Blair, the bug Blair, bar Blair in Cat Sea, pork chop, chanille, M, Velacy, Raptor, and Minnet
F, the owners of a tiny hut that can protect from any temperature thanks to its sick insulation.
Damn, those walls are padded.
Bonky Fiasco, Pat El, Aetchutha, Lauren H, Amber W, A.K.A, Hazel Bat, Latte, and Elias Hawthorne.
The telekinetic bomb squad send those mages in when your players are throwing too many bombs,
and they will just huck them right back way to go. Ryan S, the bone duster, Robert Crisp, Brent Lee C, Micah B, Patrick H,
unlike the party with the bomb bag,
this party is da bomb bag, which has no explosive,
but it's just a really cool bag.
Ploups, Carly Ann, Addy, Birdie, Birdie Save, K,
Laurie P, Seth AJ, spam gaming,
the not-so-skilled gamer and Connor Savage.
Adventurers, Chris, to speak like Scrappy Do, don't feel too bad though, they are bursting with pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu-pu- stepper dance troupe. Crowds heckle them by exclaiming that's not how misty stepp works all show but they're wrong. Oh they're wrong because that is exactly how it works.
Thrill of the fright, Sullivan H, Trub, Hop, Dropper, Sydney T, Matt Y, and Alex C,
notorious table-tattlers, don't try casting two spells in one turn around these dweeb
they will freaking rat you out. Lindsay W. Juicy Kiwi Champ Wild,
Vailin Sprite Pepsi and Carlin Sea,
the keepers of a super scary misty cave.
But notes to everyone else,
it's just their humidifier,
Gone haywire.
Sid B. J. C. C. A.
Matthew J.
T. R. A. P. and Noah.
Buffalo campers.
These folks have no fear with taking personal days
to sleep in sub-zero temperatures.
Go bills.
This is...
This is your year.
Estelle, Baron S, Swastion Romance, Romance Partner from the Baronies, conflicted DM,
Justin LB, Dandy, and Richard G, the only people in the world who actually know how
Misty Step works, but don't try asking them because they will never tell you.
M. Barbour, Marcos P, Pup-Kailish, Gabrielle M.
Learns the balance Druid and Dakota J. P.
Thugs were higher if you need anyone to sock your local table-tattler in the stomach.
Don't worry, they purposely don't punch too hard, and they will always take the
tattler out for ice cream after.
Pagos, these self-proclaimed Faye Prince, Ketren, Tracy P. The Crick-Ell-Library, and
Andy E. Lisa M. and Holly, Hyena, powerful
direwolf familiars who got so strong that their owners actually became their familiars.
So these direwolves have pretty underwhelming familiars to be honest.
Anthony A, Leis, Leis C, Abigail, May be Ag Infinitum, Sloth King, 7, 7, 7, all up to
speak in scrappy dues.
Voice were a very particular 20 minutes each day.
They didn't have to make any devil's bargain either.
They just decided to go for it.
Cal, just Cal.
Commodore Galaxy, Edison, N. Russell, H.A. Monk, Dill, Go, Nios, the novice monster hunter.
They run in, oh my god.
They run an R.E.I. in Buffalo.
Run an R.E.I.
That's hard to say, if you can imagine.
In Buffalo, and we're very confused about the person who just stepped in and asked for
their flimsy ass tent and also left a humidifier in the parking lot for some reason.
Laura Lai and Kira Frost, Morgan M. Sticker, Zachary A. Stephen E. Mr. Adams, humidifier
repair people who grabbed Troy's DMs, humidifierifier and brought it to their shop to fix it.
Only to discover it was in perfect working order.
I mean, who throws away a Humidifier?
Megan F. James F. Jimmy A. Captain Kappy,
M4L, and the Dragon Ambassador.
Bomb diffusers who live in Tyler D's world
and have never taken a vacation day
and absolutely never ever can.
Sorry, we need you.
Wayfarer Andrew B. Dalton B. Cope Fresh Best DM James and Lauren H.
Air elementals that Riley freed from their vials, they don't think you sinned it all
Riley.
They love you.
And I do too.
Thank you folks.
podcast.