Not Another D&D Podcast - Eldermourne - Ep. 37: The Lord Scythe

Episode Date: October 15, 2021

The Endo-Friendos confront the Lord Scythe while the Third Mates investigate the Spring Ring of Old Zelbuldar. Krissy sees red, Johnny gets his hair messed up, and Billie delivers a whomp!  ...Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content! Music / Sound Effects Include: "A Wizard's Tournament" by Emily Axford. "Bonkginya, Fia Bonkginya" by Emily Axford. "Spooky Shafts" by Emily Axford. "Unknown Tome" by Emily Axford.  "The Purge" by Emily Axford.  "Haunting Visages" by Emily Axford. "The Bear Prince" by Emily Axford. "Hospitable" by Emily Axford.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:42 Welcome back to Elder Morn, everybody! Elder Morn! I'm your Dungeon Master, Brian Murphy joined by Jake Herwits, playing a beast with a head full of grease. And Dungeon-y! Oh! Hey! Come on!
Starting point is 00:01:57 Come on now! And then of course, we've got Emily Axford. Healthy, stealthy and very wealthy, brum, snow, baby! It's Camden. That was good. She can buy plus three plate mail for Fia. I love you, baby.
Starting point is 00:02:20 It is no fun. And she fucking went. I put it through that little bag we have. And then of course we've got Colbert Tanner. Sneaking around and delivering crits and making friends with a guy covered in beetles shit. It's Chrissie. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:37 Everybody, please tip Billy. Please tip Billy if you like my round. It really I thought she was wealthy. My purse is so big I can handle all the tips coming in for that rhyme she's out of financial head of operations right I also invest it and then it makes more money yeah no this all makes sense endo
Starting point is 00:02:57 terror actually is a tipping culture but they also pay their people very well I mean have you heard of Beto coin oh I haven't I already yeah right talk about They're people very well. Have you heard of Beto Coyne? I have an I-R-A. Yeah, right. You can talk about a shit coin. All right, everybody. Let's go ahead and do a little recap.
Starting point is 00:03:13 OK, so last time, Fia, Zirk, and Hank were reunited outside of the gates of Old Zilbaldar. And it felt so good. After killing the guards with the help of the endo-friendos, the third mate spoke the password, blood from stone, and entered a dark abyss. You arrived at the supposed ruins of Zelbaldar, and instead found a perfectly preserved city covered
Starting point is 00:03:39 in snow and ice. Beautiful. When Fiya tried to thaw one of the citizens, all when the Sullen revealed himself. That's cool. That sound combined with the phrase revealed himself. No, not like that. Not like that. Oh, you can see his ribs. Oh, when the Sullen showed up and and warned the third mate not to unfreeze anyone. And after some weird fairy-promised charades and lots of whining, you figured out that the city was in danger because of the lost souls surrounding it.
Starting point is 00:04:19 So thawing the people could lead to them going mad or possibly turning to horrors or being attacked by horrors. Frustrated with the winter wints, um, that you went on? Ah, winter wints! Oh, winter wints! Oh, it's good. Has seen the winter wints? Oh, yeah. Um, we're two-four, that cold-o prince.
Starting point is 00:04:40 Leave a cookie on yourself for the winter wints. Oh, no. Do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you, do you mean, do you mean, do you mean, do you, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining, nining horror attack. Subsequent to reaping seasons have all been because of residual magic. You also learned that Sarenesis had a sister, Heradesia, and that the two fighting on the side of humanity was the reason the Reaper did not succeed in ending the world. However, old superstitions quickly returned to Elder M, after the war, and the sister, which is were both killed for using the trickster's magic. Cerenesis, the daughter of Spring, was born anew without her memories, but Heredicia, the daughter of Winter, maintained all of herds and has spent several lifetimes hell-bent on destroying humanity.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Her quest for revenge has led to her banishment from the Grove, breaking her mother's heart and leading to the trickster, also abandoning the world. To hide the secret of the missing gods, the fairies pulled Zelbaldar into the same dimensional space as the Groves. This proved disastrous as the cursed soil of Elder Morn, combined with the magic of the Grovesves leading to Zelbaldar being overrun by horrors and attracting the lost souls of Exodus no longer being sorted by a God. The fairies have hoped that Cerenesis would one day return save Zelbaldar and sort the souls.
Starting point is 00:06:18 Besides just the secrets of the gods, Zerke also learned a secret from the clerics of Zobaldar, a high-powered revivify spell that could theoretically be cast by lower level spellcasters using modern magic. Zerke copied down the recipe and the three of you followed Owen to the next ring to spring where Leonora awaits. But first, the endo-friendos, Billy Chrissy, and Johnny are sneaking through the dungeons. They have just heard their friend and ally, Iser, being tortured by the Lordside himself, giving them a rare opportunity to get the Lordside alone.
Starting point is 00:07:01 If the third mates can pull this off. I really owe them plus three. Oh my God. Hold me to it. Hold me to it. Okay, all right. You can just send it through the Fanny Pack. That'd be so easy as you are all sneaking a coin. You can just wire it through the tunnels as you all sneak so quietly.
Starting point is 00:07:40 Would you make another gun for that Zirk fellow? Everyone go ahead and give me stealth checks. I just crit again. Holy shit. 30 for stealth. Oh, she disappeared. Lots of 26 for Chrisse. Nice.
Starting point is 00:07:57 Oh, that's a 19 for Johnny. That's gonna pass certainly the group. Sorry, did I smack your bomb too much? I got a little too excited. I am excited, yes. There's a pep in my step and I gotta comment down. You guys round the corner and see Rose of Cells. And you would know that there are like cells in the barracks
Starting point is 00:08:19 and there are other prisons in the castle district. This one would specifically be for like political prisoners for other awakened essentially. They keep them down here so they can like extract information, prepare them for public execution, and then also just to kind of keep them away from other guards, other people, and stuff so they can't like bring them over to their side or something. Is there anyone in it? Is there anyone in these?
Starting point is 00:08:42 Yeah. You guys see that there are three other awakened down here in various cells. You see there's an old zombie woman. Billy, I'll say you know all three of these people. You see Wendolin. This is this old zombie woman with stringy gray hair. Hiko passed her cell. She's kind of just looking like very tired, just like leaning against the wall.
Starting point is 00:09:04 You see her you see this like little zombie Goblin dude named Galley and You also see this guy that Johnny would know to skeleton with a ponytail This is your buddy Rocco. Oh my god, Rocco! Hey! Gally! What are you doing here, man? What are you doing here, man? What are you doing here, man? I'm touching my head, I'm here, I'm here. I'm touching my head, I'm here.
Starting point is 00:09:29 I'm touching my head, I'm touching my head. I'm touching my head, I'm touching my head. I'm touching my head, I'm touching my head, man. I'm touching my head, I'm touching my head, man. I'm touching my head, I'm touching my head, man. Hey, tell you what, Rocco, it still looks good. Okay, it looks real good. It's really good.
Starting point is 00:09:38 It's really good. It's really good. We're gonna get you out of here. We're gonna get you out of here. We're gonna get you out of here. We're gonna get you out of here. We're gonna get you out of here. We're gonna get you out of here. We're gonna get you out of here. We're gonna get you out of here. We're gonna get you out of here, we're gonna get you out of here, we're gonna get you to the bar bar, we're gonna get to the bar bar. Oh! Can I use my arcane, Maychan to like be, pick in these locks.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Go ahead and do lock pick checks. Okay, I'm guessing that's Feeves tools. I'm proficient in that, so. So here's what I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say DC16 just successfully pick them. If you fail one, you have to roll a new stealth check. 25 for the first one. I, you successfully opened the one that Wendolin was in.
Starting point is 00:10:12 You see this old stuff. Wendolin, what happened to you? Ugh, I didn't make an appearance at the arena. They came by, they checked my house. They saw me in the window and then they raided and they found all of the info that I was leaking out to the awakened in the other room. Okay, okay, okay.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Are you expanding a lot, Venu? Do you tell me I've got a ton of B-O-X. Please. A shovel, a bunch. Pops one into her mouth. Oh, because we all love B-O. Oh yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:41 I got high-end throat. I was kidding. Not for this shit. We've also got a B-O blatter of Wayne. We're weeded, parched. All right. Yeah. Drink up high and through. I can't get in. Look at this shit. We've also got a beat or a blotter of Wayne. You're weeded, parched. All right, yeah. Drink up, Wendy. I should drink it up.
Starting point is 00:10:50 You're gonna have eggs, Billy. So can I then, I'm also rich. Can I then move on to, I'm gonna move on to Rocco? Rocco. They touch, Billy, they touch this hair. You gonna get me out of here? I touched his hair. I touched his hair.
Starting point is 00:11:04 Rocco, they touch your hair. can get me out of here I put my pony tail Listen buddy, I got a fork we're gonna run through that thing okay, don't you worry they'll lock it in me with that 28 that'll do it's gonna you click open the cell Rocco cell Last one is galley you see um this is and awakened, this is a peeker, who switched sides. Hoi! Hoi! Oh, I love it. What's that?
Starting point is 00:11:29 What's that? Hoi! Hoi! Hoi! Hoi! Hoi! Hoi! You didn't lose yet since a fume or?
Starting point is 00:11:38 23 to get the peek at. You click it open, and here's what I will say guys, rather than dealing with you guys having these new allies What these guys are gonna do is they are going to refresh your hit dice You guys can go ahead and take a real short rest Oh like real boys and girls. Thank you. Oh, I needed that That's great Yeah, Johnny needed that bet.
Starting point is 00:12:05 So these guys kind of mechanically are coming with you and they're going to help you, but we're not going to deal with them. And they should have everything. Galilab, did you happen to see Isaac the wiser? Isaac! Begin pointing down the hall. I'm ready to ramble. Yeah, I've been on a cover for a while. I see you know, cuz I like fucking so What are you talking about? She's horny. She's got Peter wax
Starting point is 00:12:36 I mean we're all horny After all this Now with your hair looking like that. Let's definitely give him a bit of a makeover. I think you need it. I hand them for you. I'm gonna treat you real nice. What's that animated at one point because right now it's just a fork. What happened to your buddy? Okay, yeah, should we just fucking go? We're fucking here.
Starting point is 00:13:10 Let's sneak. Should we check the interdimensional bag? Yeah, I'm gonna say that the timing has not aligned yet. You guys are still, this is still like right after those guys winning It was like a couple hours into into Fia's or can I be looking around now just To put a good foot forward. I'm gonna look at Isaac and ask him if he's feeling horny Um, oh, hey, man. No because I had sex
Starting point is 00:13:42 Because I had sex All right, you know, if you're not gonna play the game I'm not gonna back the light I'm not playing a game I went to a bar and I met someone and we had sex What was their name? Oh my day, this is a fucking lie But you fucking met someone named bar At the bar
Starting point is 00:13:59 At the bar Their name was bar Can I tell you guys, I almost fuck this guy named Grimmy And then he fucking died. Well, like, they're like for play. No, we were like flirting or whatever and like, and then like we actually started like fighting on the opposite side of each other. We both thought we could change each other and then it became clear that neither of us was gonna like change for each other. So he died while I gave him two
Starting point is 00:14:26 middle fingers. So is that like second base or what? I mean I did come. Hey guys you guys your eyes are getting like tortured down. Let's sneak down there. Okay you guys sneak down the hallway, past all these other cells, most of them are empty, and you hear the Lord's side's voice booming through the halls. You hear, who gave you the schematics of the castle? And you hear, Isar, very tired, sounds like he's been through a lot going, He's very tired, sounds like he's been through a lot, going, I told you, my lord, I sent an invisible familiar inside to case it, LIRE!
Starting point is 00:15:11 And you hear another scream from my sir. Do I know him? I'm a person who gave the schematics. Yeah. How fuck me? Hey, he wants names. Let's go in there and give him some fucking names. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:23 Fucking right. Let's do this. I fucking load up a bunch of fucking shit in my crossbow. You guys load up a bunch of crossbow bolts. You sharpen your crystals. Oh, I'm worried. Switch blade, up so much. Switch blade.
Starting point is 00:15:37 And you guys head towards this dangerous opportunity to face the Lord's side. You know what, while we're going because this last for an hour, I think I'm going to cast false life on myself at a second level. To give myself, I think that, like, I kind of, like, since we're already undead, my, like, little tied-eye smoke stains, kind of, like, swirl around in, like, a Groovy way. I swear.
Starting point is 00:16:03 In my eyes, like, glow with the blaze of the forge, and I just get like a little bit buffer. And you know, I think what would look real nice with these new muscles, I take the, I take forky and I just comb your bangs out a little bit. I comb Chrissy's crystals. Yes, yeah. Not so fast.
Starting point is 00:16:24 Just a little bit actually feels good. Yeah. Let me just trim it up for you right there. And that's a bless for you guys. Oh, magic initiate. Magic initiate. Look at that level. Wow.
Starting point is 00:16:35 Sweet, so you guys all have bless now? A blessed haircut. Thank you. And here's what I will say. You guys round a corner. And you guys see outside of the cell
Starting point is 00:16:49 This is less like you know just iron bars. This is like you're in a little bit of a tunnel There's like a little bit of an inlet for each cell so The Lord's side would not necessarily see what's going on immediately outside of the cell But you see that there are two guards there and these are not elite dragoons These are just like regular castle guards So I'll say if you guys can pass their perception checks You guys can just you tell me how you fucking own So are you guys all going at once? Are you guys doing two people?
Starting point is 00:17:26 I think it's been so long since we've gone three at the time. We might as well. I think we like length arms like arms. Yeah, like a witter-pig. Sweet. Okay, so I'm gonna make this a group stealth check that. Stealthing. What are you?
Starting point is 00:17:38 I'm gonna roll for that. Plus two to perception. You have to beat a five. Oh! Oh! Mustelfus plus 13. That is it. They just don't get a nine. Yeah, so I'm gonna say that they're even worse
Starting point is 00:17:53 than their passive perception. They look nervous because the Lord's side is yelling, trying to get information out of Iser. Johnny Critt. 1-C-A. Jesus. Papa. Johnny, you are so silent. The dude doesn't even feel pain.
Starting point is 00:18:09 He's just there and then he's gone. His throat is slit so fast. His friend doesn't even see it. Um, and- Both have incredible haircuts. Yeah, and then Billy and Chrissy Sneak Up behind the other guy stab him quite quick. You guys are so fucking silent that quite literally, these dudes do not know that they died.
Starting point is 00:18:29 It feels good to be back together, that's real. Yeah, it does feel good. Did you, I've been gone for like so long. What is the fucking gossip outside? Well, everything's bad. Yeah, still bad. Do, okay.
Starting point is 00:18:41 I tried starting a muk business. Did you go great. No, hey, it went real good because you actually got a lot of mugs. That's true. That's why you got to get a card. Sometimes the troops got like second-hand things inside. And that's all.
Starting point is 00:18:55 So a lot of like, it's a Chrissy thing, you wouldn't understand. That's me mug. Did they look like they were enjoying drinking out of it? Ha, ha. Um, mostly they just kind of all were like, I guess I don't understand. It's true. I don't understand it.
Starting point is 00:19:10 That's the best chicken broth for us. It's working buddy. So while we're like outside, I also want to like summon my may chan. So it's like that. You summon your may chan. You guys put your head into like look into the cell. And you see Iser who is the zombie with a bald head and like an exposed skull, a long white beard.
Starting point is 00:19:32 He's tied up so that he's like hanging by his wrists. You see his head hangs limp. He's breathing heavy. He's clearly under a lot of duress. And standing over him is the Lord's side. This 12-foot tall skinny rath with long claw-like fingers that stick out from under his robe. He's also got like gold poldrons and a gold crown. You see that he's got like an attendant flunky next to him holding like the ceremonial gold sive.
Starting point is 00:20:05 It doesn't look like he actually uses that to fight. And you see he is still questioning Isar about who gave him the schematics. Isar is not giving you up, Billy. And you see it's a good fucking. You got to break the Dwightice Bell on, I think. Honestly, I'll break it on a fucking piece of produce. I'm getting angry at this point.
Starting point is 00:20:33 God. You guys see he is pulling at Iser with this strange necrotic energy. Iser is letting out a yell as this energy begins to... It almost looks like it's ripping his soul from his body and you see the Skin on his face is beginning to like scab over like instantly. Oh, okay, so I kind of want to this is just a bonus action So let me know if I need to like also try to attack Lord's life. I want to Mage hands unt Ty the ropes. Everybody remind me what your stealth checks are.
Starting point is 00:21:11 You can reroll them if you want. I think mine was a 28, so I don't want to. Okay, and you got to create. I believe mine was a 27. Okay. So I'm going to roll perception for the Lord's side. He has a plus nine. But it's good, not a third. You know, 24 on his perception. He does not see you guys. Yeah, yeah. You guys get a surprise round on him. Okay, so first things first, I'm going to
Starting point is 00:21:39 bone this action untie, isa. Okay. You Lord Scythe is pulling at him and going, tell me who gave you the scum at X. Suddenly the rope loosens, unties. You see, Isar falls forward flat on his face, but out of the Lord Scythe spell and he goes, David guards, re-tie this rope, you did a bad nice! And then since I initiated with this, I'm just going to unleash two crossbows. Sweet, go ahead, great. His fingers are too long to tie the knots himself.
Starting point is 00:22:16 Does a 20 hit, of course. Yeah, I accidentally use fears dyes on that, so. Oh, that's cursed. Oh, no. I'm not going to use my sneak attack yet. So that's 14. And then I will do my sharp shooter 19 to hit. 19 hits. OK.
Starting point is 00:22:34 So yeah, you poke around, shoot him twice like you get into like his chest area where like the Paul Drins aren't covering. Tell him who did the semantics. Tell him who gave them up. So it's 7 plus 17. So another 24 damage. Nice.
Starting point is 00:22:49 That was with my sneak attack. You shoot this dude twice, backs up. What is the meaning of this? Dollars. Then let's go with Johnny. Johnny got the higher stealth roll. Tight. Did you roll two not ones?
Starting point is 00:23:05 Those are the dice again. I mean, even better. Kaldor was as a joke rubbing his hands all over it. I curse them. You curse them. You should be rolling. I'm so sorry. It's a double shout out to the two.
Starting point is 00:23:17 That's kind of sweet though. We're all together. Just stay forwarding. Okay, but roll your blast, right? Don't you get to have bloods, maybe? So that's 12. Oh, yeah, it's only a 12. It could afford getting to hit.
Starting point is 00:23:30 Okay, if it doesn't do it. Okay, all right. Fli's, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Emily, can you give Johnny some dice? My knives are too greasy. Are you hiding or anything is a bonus action? Yeah. Oh, fuck this, Today's not my day.
Starting point is 00:23:45 Go ahead and give me a stealth check. I'm sorry, Johnny. I got chip grease on your knives. 21 from my stealth check. Okay, sweet. Chrissy, go ahead and make your attack. So, a question? Yeah, Aizur is within five feet to me, yes.
Starting point is 00:23:59 Oh, it's a bit of a... If you wanna run in, yeah, he's within five feet of the Lord's side. That's great. I'm gonna use a new superiority technique called bait and switch, which allows me to switch places with Aiser. Wow. Wow.
Starting point is 00:24:13 So within five feet of a creature, you can use a die to switch with the willing creature. You or the creature get an AC boost equal to the dice roll. So I'm going to run in a bump past Lord Scythe Grab Izer spin around and toss him out to the room appreciate you just flops over toss him this way false collapses into Billy's arms there's someone who needs you you didn't give me up and I really appreciate that but now you're gonna have to give it up you've got to say an But now you're gonna have to give it up. You've got to say an Isaac.
Starting point is 00:24:47 Listen, pretty horny right now. I've just been in the cell. Isaac the way so she was torn between two Isaacs. Oh, right, yeah. I can make an attack too. I would love a few wood, Isaac, but first, I'll just get in there and mess them up. Sweet, go ahead and make an attack.
Starting point is 00:25:02 You have an advantage, so get sneak attack. Get a bit of a hit. Chrissy rolls in, tries to move his eyes right out of the way, I'll just get in there and mess him up. Sweet, go ahead and make an attack. You have an advantage, so we'll get sneak attack. Great. Chrissy rolls in, tries to move the eyes right out of the way, stabs into him with a crystal. So I rolled in that one and a 16, so we'll go with a 16. Oh, yeah. That'll hit her.
Starting point is 00:25:15 For sure. 17 on the first attack. Nice. And since I've taken an extra level of fighter, I get to attack again. Yes! Yes! Oh my god, look at to attack again. Yes! Yes! Oh my god, look at this guy go!
Starting point is 00:25:26 What is the meaning of this? The meaning of this is the freedom of Indotera! Does a 16 hit? 16 exactly hits. Yes! I am so nervous to see what this fuck does. That's 14 damage. Nice.
Starting point is 00:25:43 I'm the only one here. I'm the only one I came by myself No one else is here shot crossbow bolts then lightning fast Through your voice Instead you were horny He's the one talking about being horny which one of you a contain Which one of you? Akin' teen multitude! C'matics! I want to know!
Starting point is 00:26:06 It was fucking me! You're fucking blacksmith! You, my favorite blacksmith. What? How's your favorite? No, I don't actually know who I'm. Focus your horn in this! I'm like so susceptible to blackery right now. Isaac is going to Russian. Oh, hey, man. Time for me to wet my blade. I didn't know you were still here. Of course. I'm still here. What everybody watch
Starting point is 00:26:30 Isaac's gonna piss on his blade. It's blood. I thought you dipped He hits on the first My god he wrote so bad in the second attack even with advantage misses on the second attack 17 damage Oh, no, but damn it's good to be these high-level characters, right? Sweet everybody go ahead and roll initiative great murk by the way, iser now has plus three to AC. Oh, rad Sweet, so iser does not look like he's in much shape to fight You see he's like covered in these scabs from this weird necrotic pull and just goes I think I might just sit here if that's fine.
Starting point is 00:27:08 Oh that's it eight, Fane. 14 for Billy. 12 for Johnny. That's 11 for Curricie. Oh. The top of the order at initiative 17. That is the Lord Sides turn. Oh dear, you sneak into the tunnels like rats. Oh, he's going to go like, beos. Like little disgusting beos. They swear all that. Here is owing, owing, owing. What's disgusting about beos? How dare you?
Starting point is 00:27:39 Also, like, this is the world you made. You're the world I made. I mean, Oh, he's Hey, that's what you are It was just one person here She's really turned on and that fucking didn't work Yeah You've got to be careful with your world
Starting point is 00:27:56 I like so much Everyone leave me alone You see he makes like his fingers His super long, his fingers are like a foot long each and he's going to Swing at Chrissy with these giant claws. Surrey! Yeah, he had invoices, it's just me! 22, that'll hit.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Okay, should have given myself that extra plus 3, 21 damage, great, and then go ahead and roll me a constitution saving throw. through a plus three, 21 damage, great. And then go ahead and roll me a constitution saving throw. That's like 18? 18 passes. No. I do not suffer any of the effects. You feel like as he swings through you,
Starting point is 00:28:35 it does do slashing damage. Like you feel like the claws cut, you know, you also feel like psychic damage. Like he's trying to do something to you. Oh, that's kind of thing. That's John's language. A second claw attack on you Chrissy Chrissy turns the round and says could you give a bucket to wee bit itching
Starting point is 00:28:51 27 hit on the second one. Okay, that's also to directly in the back Another 21 damage another constitution saving throw Shows out to the two crew yikes it rolled on to it rolled on to my headphone jack and then it rolled on to a two That's going to be yeah that feels okay. I'm gonna roll a D4 to see what affect his claws have on you. Oh, no Oh, no that is a two blood eye the target's eyes well up with bloody tears the target is blinded One minutes So you are gonna have disadvantage on attacks. You're just seeing red. I don't like this well up with bloody tears. The target is blinded for one minute. So you are gonna have disadvantage on attacks.
Starting point is 00:29:27 You're just seeing red. I don't like this. And at- Are you gonna say third attack? And for his third attack? Oh. Billy, would you say you are within 10 feet? Have you poked your head into the room?
Starting point is 00:29:40 I kind of want to lie, but no, I like a shot from- Okay, you shot him from far away. Okay, then he is going to go ahead and try to eat Chrissy's soul. Maybe I'm there! I think I'm there! I'm there! I'm there! I'm there! Hold on! Wait! What? Oh, 17-hit! That hits. You'll find it's quite salty salty you see that it looks just like the torture thing that he was doing on Iser except he's he was trying to like extract info from Iser He's trying to end you he does 12 damage ready, um, and you are grappled and you guys see he is in the process of And you guys see he is in the process of removing Chrissy soul from his body. You see they're grappled.
Starting point is 00:30:29 It looks like he could like kill him. Fuck me. If you wanted the rest of the, you should have just asked. Of course I want to wrestle. After Lord Side's turn, that's Billy's turn. I think I'm going to cast bonus actions sanctuary on Chrissy, so he'll have to do wisdom saving throws to attack for creature and then I'm going to try to hit him. Sweet! 21. 21 hits. 31 damage with my sneak attack. Jesus. And then I'm just gonna use my sneak attack. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:31:05 And then I'm just gonna use my second attack. Okay. 26 to hit. 26 to hit hits. Okay. Yeah, you guys have hit him on like every single attack. Like you can sense that he was not expecting to be in a vulnerable position down here in the dungeon.
Starting point is 00:31:21 Okay. Another 11 damage. And I also want to look at the ceremonial siph. Yeah. Can I do like a perception check on it? Yeah, go ahead and do a perception check. Five minus one is a four. Okay, hello everything about it.
Starting point is 00:31:39 A truly powerful magical weapon. You see that right now it is being held by his attendant, Dunston. Dunston has not acted yet. He's not checked in yet. Oh, Lord Scythe goes Dunston! Run! Dunston, check in!
Starting point is 00:31:55 Check in, Dunston! Wait, Billy, did you make that save? No. Okay, it's been around for a little bit. It precedes me, which is why I'm so excited. That's why I look so... That's why I look so... I'm pretty creeped by it. Yeah, it's where it looks so ugly.
Starting point is 00:32:07 Yeah! You should have had me work on that. No, make a new one with your bones! I would be very sharp. Stop fighting with her! I can sharpen bones! I'll sharpen all of your bones! You gotta know everything you're saying is making her hornier. Yeah, it's actually not wrong. Just saying bones, I'm just kind of like, oh, bone.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Are you done with your turn? Yes, I am. Sweet. But there also is a cool 4G Steme sanctuary around. Sweet, okay. End of Billy's turn. He is going to do a Legendary action he will do wisdom saving throw to see if he can attack Chrissy here. Billy what is your DC 17. He fails. He still gets
Starting point is 00:32:56 to attack right he just picks a different thing. He is going to go ahead and just throw a fucking fireball right outside of the door So he's going to spend two legendary actions and you just see he holds his hand out and he goes Throws a fireball into the hall. I'm gonna need a dexterity saving throw from Johnny and from Billy. And we can add bless to saving throws. Correct. So 22 even without the bless. Okay, I actually got dirty 20. I don't think I'm gonna flash of genius at.
Starting point is 00:33:39 You guys both pass. You're just gonna take half. Okay. Oh my god, I truly rolled so bad good Just 10 damage So fireball explodes in the hall Johnny you're like around the corner, but you get synched a little bit Hey, your jacket gets a little synched no Hey Johnny, you still wearing that we've been still wearing
Starting point is 00:34:01 Yeah, I'm just saying you'll be down in in this, you've been down in this cell for a long time. These are all the rage up there. We're back. Every moment. Every time. I have the jackets, we're back in a really live, bro. Come on, man. I use the fire and sort of like make it make my arrows stronger for next time.
Starting point is 00:34:19 Ooh. That is Johnny's turn. I pop the collar on my singe leather jacket. Let's say Rocco You're gonna want to watch this That's a 28 Rocco 11 and then that's gonna be a some sneak attack at 8 29 Damage geez, this dude's already starting to look pretty fucked up. You see like all of these ceremonial shit that he wears is not Very effective like battle armor. You see like the gold Paul train that he wears
Starting point is 00:34:58 Break off as he's taking all of this damage. Oh, I'm gonna show those were expensive Dude, you're so weak, you ain't worth it. I'm outta here. Johnny, uh, sneak off and hide. Go ahead, Johnny. I forgot this about Johnny. Give me a stealth check. You might as well not be here.
Starting point is 00:35:16 He's like Isaac in that way. What? Isaac, do you have sneak? Is that why we keep forgetting about you? No, you're just mean. That's 23, sweet. End of... He must be a rogue, right?
Starting point is 00:35:30 He's got a beard. End of Johnny's turn. You know, I'm Korean blood, but he's got an actual tier. Lord Sive is going to do a wisdom check as if he can attack. Chris, 16. 17 is the same. I'm gonna attack. I'm gonna attack. Oh, Bill, so what the fuck? Do do a wisdom check to see if he can attack 16
Starting point is 00:35:50 Will he do you Billy I know you're going up there. I said about oh you won He can just fucking everyone you know what isix right there. He's gonna go ahead. He'll take a claw attack Isaac You're gonna be sad I know I know I know. Oh, hey man. It's Isaac only we can put as Isaac. You guys see brutally claws Isaac. Oh, no my life Six of the board the other night at the bar with the bar with the bar with the bar. With the bar. This man's a legend. You don't go after Isaac, okay? He's all people.
Starting point is 00:36:27 I think at least. You go after Isaac. 20 damage to Isaac, and then he's going to do a constitution saving throw. He passes. He does not get any of the effects. That is all of his legendary actions to the round. You guys see this dude with the ceremonial side is
Starting point is 00:36:45 Going to run away and go help people at some point. He is looks like he's at the bottom of the order maybe but that is Chris He's turned Chrissy you are grappled right now, but you can try to get out of the grapple certainly great I will go ahead and do that. Okay with advantage Sklaught go ahead and give me a strength check. Can I use akina battox? I would allow that. Can I cover myself on the blood leaking from my eyes and wriggle my way out?
Starting point is 00:37:13 Fucking disgusting. Slippery little crystal. And 18. You are freed from the grapple. I have. Alright, is that my action? No, I'll say that I'll count as your movement. You can still take a turn.
Starting point is 00:37:24 I want to attack Lord Sath once okay, and then as my bonus action I want to give Johnny the ability to attack sweet donstin. Okay. Oh, yeah, so he's gonna get a surprise attack on donstin While I'm attacking Lord Sath rad Johnny go ahead and take an attack. No, I'm gonna take a Chrissy go ahead and make an attack great Chrissy got a 12 12 does not hit oh wait bless are you Am I rolling with the gun your eyes Would be rolling with advantage to if it's a city yeah Johnny's rather than the advantage. It's 21 You hit this dude to 16 hit
Starting point is 00:37:59 16 does it I rolled with this advantage. I got a two and then plus 14 with my bless. Okay. Holy shit. Yeah, because I had plus 10 and then I added a plus four from the bless. Wow. Yeah. Yes. Billy, Johnny, it's a good to see you. A new word, Seth.
Starting point is 00:38:18 You thought you had us and you had bonus claws, but you played right into our Fleshy Gracie Chip Cover Hands and I stabbed him right in the chest Are you stabbing the chest? I'd go ahead and do your damage. Great. As you stab into him. He grunts. Oh You have no idea the chaos you will bring to this realm if I am filled Fools you bring ruin to us all all right. You really can't talk about being filled around Billy It's just it's a bit too much crossing my legs That's 11 damage Sweet and Johnny did 32 damage
Starting point is 00:39:01 You see Johnson goes yes, of course I'll run down the hall and get help. So, um, begins running, just fucking it, switchblade between the eyes and just instantly collapse. And you just hear, you stay in the hall forever, Donson. The ceremonial size just clanks on the ground. Oh my God. Can I pick that one? Yeah, pick it up.
Starting point is 00:39:21 Sutsu. After it. Oh, because, because you attacked Sanctuary, goes away. That's fair. Okay. It's just how It suits you. After it, it'll definitely do a lot of money. Because you attacked sanctuary goes away. That's fair. Yeah, it's just how the spell works. After Chrissy, Isaac's turn, Isaac will take two cracks. Mrs. on the first attack, hits on the second attack. 15 damage.
Starting point is 00:39:36 All right. No freaking joke. Good job, Isaac. Now I feel like your words don't mean anything. I know, I might try and too hard, but I like feel bad because we were like so clicky. What? Yeah, I'm 16! I'm 16!
Starting point is 00:39:51 I wish we- Let's all just agree that we're co-workers in our friends, okay? Um, after I just turn hot, right? That is it. If it's not it, then hook it up with the co-workers. I'm learning like, I think- Lord's side is going to take a claw attacking it's Chrissy. I'm gonna use my reaction to do uncanny dodge.
Starting point is 00:40:14 Sweet. Also, you'll take half damage on the sky. Okay, rad. Okay, 20 to hit. Those hit? 11 damage. 11 damage, great. Okay, and then go ahead and roll
Starting point is 00:40:23 with your cost-dut some saving for a boy. These cards are really bad. With the bless, that's gonna be a 21. Woo! 21 passes. No new effects. It's gonna take a second cloud to heck against you.
Starting point is 00:40:36 Can I say it pulls out a chip along steak fry and scoop some of the blood, put it in out of his eyes, and chomp say. That's absolutely focused. I mean, it is his blood, so. Oh, that's the kind of chaos we intend to bring to the room. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:49 21 at the second claw attack. Oh, there's another one. Of course. What are you going down? 18 damage. Aiman Facts going down. Oh. There's a drops.
Starting point is 00:41:00 End of the Lord's Sides turn. Our dude Johnny had to come out of hiding. Two. Throw a knife at Dunston. Yeah, Dunston was my best friend. Oh Sorry to hear that you know, sorry for Dunston is going to come at you and a lame buddy He grabs both of your shoulders He's sucking out your soul your soul. You can see that my soul just don't touch my hair. You see your hair starts to move as your soul is being sold. It's on its journey. Your soul is in your hair. We all know it. She's on the hair, Johnny. We all know it. Oh my god. Johnny, Rocka screaming as your hair is being
Starting point is 00:41:38 tussled. The little touch my hair Rocka. It's like a reverse blow, Johnny, man. I'll say a prayer to be elder to save Jolice hair. Okay, to the head. 19 to hits on this attack. That'll do that. Okay. Oh, I have ingot! Reaction! To give it disadvantage!
Starting point is 00:41:57 Okay. You don't have to worry. It's not more. Reaction, it's ingot. Okay, ingot. Jump's up and... Sorry, ingot gonna get you like- Oh, I'm gonna get you coming out, you.
Starting point is 00:42:07 Come on, ringy-goo. Jump sub and try to distract the Lord's Scythe. I'll roll again. Pfft. Still gonna head. I am gonna- I'm gonna un-canny dodge. Okay, so you'll take half of this.
Starting point is 00:42:18 So the damage is that bad. The bad part is that he grabs onto you and he starts trying to murder you. Right. So you use un-canny dodge. You take eight damage and you are now grappled. So you cannot hide anymore. Oh fuck. Yeah, get away from me now, little rat.
Starting point is 00:42:33 That is Billy's turn. Okay. Billy, you guys are kind of out in the hallway now. It's a real freaking tussle. Okay, um, the third half of the stuff, like just object interaction. Can I just pick up this fucking thing? Oh, the side? Yeah. Yeah, pick, the third half of staff like just object interaction can I just pick up this fucking thing? Oh, side yeah, yeah pick up the side. It's like very pretty. I'm magical Is ornamental go ahead and give me an insight or an arcana check
Starting point is 00:42:57 I'm worried he McGuffin does I just got a fucking five again, but my but inside of her con is gonna be better Okay, okay, this is gonna be better. Okay. Okay, this is gonna be a 10. Okay, Billy, with a 10? Yeah. It can't sense any magic on it, but it could be pretty magical. Mmm. It looks good.
Starting point is 00:43:15 Looks magical, right? I fucking like put it through my hair. Don't, it's not a hair comb. It's a fucking hair comb, because I say it is. Everything can be a hair comb. And then I'm going to, just a can't come. Sweet. 18?
Starting point is 00:43:33 18 hits already. So that's going to be, and I'm going to bonus action branding smite as well. Sweet. At a third level. Ooh. 41. She's a hot rice.
Starting point is 00:43:43 41 damage. He is Keith. Ha ha ha. 41 damage! He is starting to look fucked up. I'm bad. What is it that you want? What do you want, awakened? You want chaos to rain here. No, I want you fucking dead because you fucking suck us a leader. I suck us a leader in what way everything is orderly.
Starting point is 00:44:01 There is a straighter saying. Are you kidding me? You're literally taking the fucking day to torture someone. Everything is orderly. There is a streeter saying. Are you saying me? Do you think you're looking towards your eyes? You're literally taking the fucking day to torture someone. Of course you'd be like working on public work. Who the hell were you leading? You've been out in a good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, We could work together. You got to learn to delegate Be honest what are we gonna work together on making the empire even greater and Crushing the outer rims destroying the awakened. I get in real close and I'm like Did you ever know someone named Grimdung? Some random one of our soldiers or something. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:44:45 Yeah, well he sucked. I'm gonna try and attack. Okay. Did you think I would have a closer relationship with the random soldier in my army? Guides of. 20 to hit. Okay. Nice.
Starting point is 00:45:00 And that is just a day 10. So that's just 13 more damage. Yeah, all right. And then I, that's my turn. Don't you understand you will be punished for this? I am not chosen by the Reaper. Oh, you're chosen by the Reaper. Even if I'm dead, it doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:45:15 Do you really believe in the Reaper? Of course. You do. Yes. What do you see in the vault when you go down there? Everyone knows that you go down there, and no one has access to it. Go ahead and give me an insight check.
Starting point is 00:45:27 Mm. At one. Ha, ha, ha. He goes, I see proof that I was chosen that the Reaper has trusted the Empire. Yeah, well, you're about to die, so he obviously chose wrong. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:45:44 You kind of can't read it one way or the other. I mean you don't know what's in the book No, I mean I figured he was pretty indoctrinated to his own fucking way of thinking After Billy's turn that is Lord Scythe's Legendary action. What is he gonna do? He's in Trouble. We'll just start taking claw attacks on his dude, Johnny, who's stuck here. First claw attack, 21 to hit. And get recharges the reaction.
Starting point is 00:46:15 Disadvantage, 15 hit. That misses. Yeah! Just misses on that one. Hey, thanks, and get in here. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go reigns down from the sky. Holy shit! And Lord Sight will have to make a dexterity saving throw. Okay. Ooh, come on. Natural 3 fails. Yeah, it was. Okay, so that's gonna be,
Starting point is 00:46:53 if I add anything to it, or is it just 2G8? I think it's so sad. All right, well, it is impressive flame that will just be 5 damage. Did you just light a little match and touch me with it? Johnny tries to fart into the flame, does that do anything? You're a skeleton man. And I can throw one of my blades, right?
Starting point is 00:47:17 Did you just use an action? Yes, but I can throw one as a bonus action to tell you. Do you have to use an action? So psychic teleportation, you manifest one of your psychic blades, expend one psionic energy, die and roll it, and throw the blade at an unoccupied space, you can see up to a number of feet away, equal to 10 times the number rolled.
Starting point is 00:47:37 Rad, oh, psychic blade. I could teleport up to 60 feet away. Sweet. Can I try to throw it around the corners like and hide a little bit? I'm gonna say you can't do it around the corner, but you can get 60 feet. Okay, sweet. You do it in the opposite direction of me So if he fireballs he has to do it exactly what I'll do after Johnny He's going to go ahead and throw fucking fireball at who the fuck?
Starting point is 00:48:07 Okay, do it at me, bitch. No, you know what? He's gonna do it at Isaac, because Isaac's in the room with just Chrissy, so he's gonna do it at Isaac. Isaac does a dexterity saving throw, fails. What did he get? 13. Flash of genius. What does that add?
Starting point is 00:48:24 Adds five. 18, okay, he get? 13. Flash of Genius. What is that ad? Ads 5. 18. Okay, he passes. Yes. Isaac takes... Oh, he rolled good that time. Yeah, I saw him love 6s. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:48:34 Oh my god. This is a crazy fireball roll. Literally would have been 45 damage instead. It's 23. Nice. Isaac's on Death's Dorbisola. Oh no. There you go, Isaac.
Starting point is 00:48:44 But Isaac, I look at you Appreciate it after the way that we'll send one of those buttons Dr. Johnny turn that's Chrissy's turn go ahead and give me death saving throw all right come on that 20 Oh my god, what do you get shout out to the two crew yikes? Okay, that that's one fast one. No, I couldn't even have saves it. I couldn't outside. I should have saved my flash. After Chrissy's turn, that is Isaac's turn. Isaac runs up, takes two attacks, hits on one of them. 12 damage. Come on, Isaac.
Starting point is 00:49:16 There's a person named Barr waiting for them. Yeah, totally. After Isaac's turn, that is Lord's side's turn again. Yeah. You see the Lord's side goes, you, what is your name? Looks at you, Billy. Megan.
Starting point is 00:49:36 Don't tell him you real name, Megan. Give me a deception check. Wait, I'm like so good at that shit. I got a 17. Do you? 17 total? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:49:52 You see, obviously, no, you're not making it. He just goes, huh. Okay. Megan, I look forward to saying your name at the arena. What's that mean? When we execute you. to make to saying your name at the arena. What does that mean? When we execute you. He's going to cast greater invisibility,
Starting point is 00:50:10 and you don't worry, that is. Wait a second. I'm so love it. Wait a second. My branding smite that I did on him. And next time you hit a creature with a weapon attack before the spell ends, the attack deals an extra 2d6 radiant damage to the target,
Starting point is 00:50:23 which becomes visible if it is invisible, and the target sheds dim light in a 5 foot radius and can't become invisible until the spell ends. Have you cast another concentration spell? No. Because my sanctuary ended on him. You see? You see? You see for a split second it looks like he has teleported but
Starting point is 00:50:49 then you just see this very visible glowing man running down the hall like he did not it looks like it looks like he maybe teleported but instead he's just glowing and running down the hall. Whoa! He runs. How many feet can he run? Is he gonna get an opportunity? Hey guys, do I get a flip? No, he's invisible.
Starting point is 00:51:11 No, he's invisible. But he's not invisible. Oh, he's not. He can't become invisible. Do you have a melee weapon? Yeah, I do. I have a war hammer. Okay, go ahead and smack him with a war hammer.
Starting point is 00:51:20 Wait a second. I can't use an opportunity because I used my reaction to Flasio Tania's. I said, okay. You still swing your hammer, he's like, how did she know to do that? And you see this very visible glowing man running towards you, Johnny. Oh, you're 60 feet away, but he ran, he is a speed rant. Will it be a surprise if that could be things I don't see on your face. Hey. Billy, that's your turn.
Starting point is 00:51:48 I'm just gonna try and fucking hit him. It's not disadvantage or anything. You just see this. It looks like you essentially see under his robe and he's just a nude glowing man running down the hall. Okay. I'm going to shop. 21 to hit.
Starting point is 00:52:08 What is this doing for Billy's horniness? She's fucking revved the fuck off. So I rolled a one on all of my dice. Okay. So that's seven. Jesus. Even with, oh, you don't get sneak attack right? Oh, sorry, no, no, 10.
Starting point is 00:52:23 It's 10. Okay. So I rolled a one, no, I I added I rolled a one on each of my sneak attack Obviously he's not doing well. He was trying to run away Plus 10 though because of the sharpshooter so it's three plus seven is 10 so it's still 20 damage Okay, he's very hurt and then I'm going to sharpshooter again. Let's shout out to the two crew You miss After your turn he's going to my god what the fuck is he gonna do? He's a renter he will go ahead shit is this thing?
Starting point is 00:52:54 No, that week He's getting a while you miss so many I'll do an insight check. Go ahead and do a deception check 16 where did he go make it? I think he I think he knows the jig is up I was 19 actually yeah, he got like a totally five. Oh, he can't do bless on his smart even though he's such a fool right now Crazy smile and then he doesn't know why okay Here is what he's going to do he is going to He's he's going to do. He is going to... God damn it. He's going to break concentration on... He's going to make concentration.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Great visibility. Turn around, try to turn Billion of O'Pito. Probably more... Go on and give me a wisdom saving, girl. You are worse than a rat. You are a Pito. Okay, I have a minus one to wisdom. Oh, oh wow. 14 minus one, but I'm going to, I have my reaction again, so now I will flash of genius.
Starting point is 00:53:56 Okay. 18. Ah, yeah, you don't turn it over, you know. Um, he's just in the middle of all running away. That's, that's Billy's turn. Oh, I think we actually missed Chrissy's turn. So while all this insane shit is happening, Chrissy go ahead and give me a death saving throw.
Starting point is 00:54:18 So sorry I miss a mess. Okay, that's 15, that's insane. That's a pass, right? Okay, nice. That is Johnny's turn same. That's a pass, that's a pass. Okay, nice. That is Johnny Stern. And my hidden from Lord Sight. Absolutely not. Okay.
Starting point is 00:54:31 I love the idea of just a tool, foot tall lit up glowing man running down the hall to the knees and this whole. In my head, we can see his underwear too. Okay. It's so insane because I literally just branding smite comes with Battlesmith Artificer. And I was just like cool extra damn.
Starting point is 00:54:50 I was fully like this will be part of it. Is he'll run and go get some dragoons. And it's just like you just see him. I'm gonna try to, I'm gonna try to hit this guy. Sweet. All right. Come to Johnny. That's a natural 19 for Johnny.
Starting point is 00:55:04 That is bad. Oh. On the old moonshine die. 31. Johnny, finished the Lord's song. Woo! Honestly, Johnny just shakes his head and steps out of the way as he charges down the hall, letting him run really fast into a wall. He runs really fast into a wall, just like clips himself,
Starting point is 00:55:26 starts to fall back, you throw a switchblade, pierces his neck, you see, what have you done, the rebel, darn, the guy, can't wait. And you see his form warps, and he is gone. The broken metal paldrons and the robe crash onto the ground. You just hear this like bang on the ground and the fucking leader of the empire is dead. Okay. Okay, I'm going to take his side. Oh first off, let's bring Chrissy back up.
Starting point is 00:56:03 Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First First off Chrissy, give me that saving throw. Oh that's it? Next. Uh oh. If I were rolling that one I'd die forever. Well I would go again so I actually do have a reaction in case he rolls poorly. That's a seven not a not one. Okay. Oh they look goddamn similar but.
Starting point is 00:56:21 I do look close. After Chrissy that is Isaac, Isaac will try to bring you up. 16, stabilizes you. Oh, get it. Yeah, you made fun of me so much. Isaac, I just want you to put on the rubber. But I did get you to take half damage from the five. Yeah, no, I would have died too.
Starting point is 00:56:37 We made fun of you because we love you. You're a great coworker, Chrissy. And I'm glad you're not dead. You did it. Next time we meet up in the office kitchen. Chrissy gives Isaac a mug. I don't understand, it's true. So you guys, this is truly a fucking insane situation. You see, like, Isaac, who was looking like, you know, like he needed to pass out as soon as you guys freed him.
Starting point is 00:57:06 Suddenly gets all this energy. And you see, he was in this like kind of slumped over, like kind of hopeless position, and he stands back up and he goes, we're inside this dead. I don't know. I mean, I'm gonna take his golden side and like sort of like scoop up his,
Starting point is 00:57:24 I'm various like garments he was wearing, his golden side and like sort of like scoop up his, I'm various like garments he was wearing, just sort of like see what's in the there. You poke into it, there's nothing that special about it. Do you see a key or anything? Any sort of something to get to his like special private chambers? Yeah, go ahead and get guys, give me an investigation checks.
Starting point is 00:57:45 Okay, at eight. It's gonna be a three. 13, that's 19. I'll say Johnny specifically, you guys look through, he's got his cloak is inherently magical, and you find a pocket inside that is hidden, kind of hard to find on first brush, but you find what you can assume would be like kind of a master key for the fucking castle.
Starting point is 00:58:11 Oh wow. I mean, what should I fucking break into his fucking chain post, right? Before anyone knows he's gone. Yeah, I'm wondering if there is anything in there that we could give to the folks that have already gone into the vault. Oh, because he can pass into, that's a really good idea, let's do that. Let's go, let's go.
Starting point is 00:58:29 All right, let's go. Everyone, Stealth-Fo, I know we just like won a serious, the exciting battle, but we need to be like Stealth-Fee. Yeah, sweet. This episode of NADPod has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall
Starting point is 00:58:44 and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dog's invented a cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement.
Starting point is 00:59:17 And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-off or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or Papa for a free Yeti-style Tumblr. You won't want to take your birddogs off, we promise you.
Starting point is 00:59:49 Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Hey, I said also great to see you, mate. Good to see you, man. Thank you for saving my life. I wasn't, oh, I thought I was just going to have to hold on as long as I could and instead the Lord's eye this dead. So that's just this is great. Thank you for keeping my name because I mean, you've been in captivity for a bit. You could have given me up. Oh, no, I couldn't. And you could and it will compromise everything. I'm
Starting point is 01:00:23 saying your courage does not go a notice. Oh, thank you, Billy. Your courage does not go a notice either. That's why I didn't want to do it. Let's get out the field. Let's give him a moment. Oh, yeah, yeah. All right, Isaac, you're all right. Catch you. Actually, I am going to just kind of like edge myself a bit and just like keep on the mission. Okay. You know.
Starting point is 01:00:41 That's the way you're one of the pros, sweet. If it wasn't because Rocco was standing there the whole time. Hey, Rocco was making like really uncomfortable eye contact. I thought the movie would get together. Hey Rocco. That's me, Rocco. I'll cry away like the end of my favorite movie. What was your favorite movie?
Starting point is 01:00:57 Star Wars. What after they get the medals? They fly away because everyone's on. Yeah, and then she started to say, What after they get the meadows? They fly away because everyone's on it. Yeah, and then she started saying, I'm gonna say, Crease, but I didn't. Because they fly away in the very
Starting point is 01:01:10 historic. They go to get what they're on like, Shemma, I'm about to think the bug. Rocco, can you stow, do you want to come with us? Yeah, so come along, I guess. All right, okay, let's go with you, Johnny. If you're an liability, I don't want you to be crappin' my style.
Starting point is 01:01:24 Let's see. Yeah. I should clarify, I'm very hurt, so if we could get up to the pray that chambers, I would love to sleep in this bed. Yeah, let's also do that. Let's get up there. There's still like a million nights here, guys. This is still really bad.
Starting point is 01:01:38 Just a couple of weeks. They're gonna come down. We have to get a little rock on. You're gonna love the jacket. It's real cool. It's insane. There's gonna be people coming down here, man. Well, they will walk the door, Rock on the scene.
Starting point is 01:01:49 Okay, actually, we're gonna be like, Lord, Sai, there's everything okay. And they start to answer. I think I can fix all your problems. And I take up Lord, Sai, I have golden, Sai. And I like hold it like I'm night, like it's a nighting ceremony. And I put it on one right on your right shoulder
Starting point is 01:02:06 And then on your left shoulder, okay, and then on your head And then I look to the DM to say does it have any healing Guys go ahead and give me an insight checks on the magic side 17 21 this is about as useful as Something you would buy at At the mall. Yeah, this is complete bullshit and even when when this dude was fighting you guys He wasn't using like like he claimed to be to have been chosen by the Reaper He just fought you guys with his fucking claws
Starting point is 01:02:45 and tried to eat your souls. He's not some fucking actual cleric of the Reaper or anything. The side does nothing. It is not magical. I know. He tried to just eat you. I kind of just thought it'd be funny to try. Hey, um, you guys do what we should hang on to in case we need to kind of be like this. This is, you know, you cannot just tear it fast through itches.
Starting point is 01:03:03 Oh, yeah. It will sell for a fucking pretty penny also as a matter of fucking like propaganda Like to have the fucking side of the dude who said I'm chosen by God I cannot be defeated you guys have right now something huge like I will say For you guys you guys have had I will say for you guys, you guys have had years of being like, of having to be in hiding, of seeing the people around you being like snatched up and taken, of people being tortured, of having to live under this oppressive regime.
Starting point is 01:03:36 On this day, you got to save some of the people that you thought were otherwise going to die, and on top of that that you got to isolate the Lord's side. If they succeed in getting you guys some proof you also have the added bonus of all of the chaos that's gonna come of trying to make a new leader plus you have this side which is a powerful image. Okay I have a fault because you're not feeling well. I wonder if we can get in touch with arena pass off this side and the key to her so that she cuz she can travel in plain sight Where are my covers blown and you to never had any cover arena could go into the Lord's siphon and we could give the We could give the back to her and have her like pass anything along to fear and
Starting point is 01:04:27 Or and Zerg and Henry rate those blocks give the bag to her and have her pass anything along to fear and, uh, and, uh, again, Henry. Right. Those blocks. Um, who is holding the satchel? I'll say, I'll say actually Isaac had it. Isaac gave it to him. Um, you see the bag suddenly fills up. Um, and you see Isaac runs over and goes, they, they found something special delivery. All right. Um, and you see Isaac runs over and goes, they found something. Special delivery. All right. And you see Isaac opens the bag and there are like three or four giant tombs in them. I don't think we can wait for a better sign. Okay, so what do you think we should do?
Starting point is 01:05:01 Let's read these things. Yeah, we read them. Sweet. You guys pull out these. Yeah, we read them. Sweet. You guys pull out these books and you begin investigating them. So we are going to cut over to Via Hank and Zirk. All right. OK. Hey, guys, we're on the bottom ring of Old Zalboldar.
Starting point is 01:05:20 But then Owen made this frosty stairway for you guys. Owen has left you guys behind is standing behind just waving Oh, fun though. I thought just waving Walk along thousands of feet up takes a while you guys are walking this is a freaking hike Thousands of feet up. Takes a while. You guys are walking. This is a freaking hike. Just a bis on either side of you,
Starting point is 01:05:47 but there is a railing. You ask, oh, when to make a railing that he did. Can I roll to see how many times they're almost false? Yeah, sure. Dexterity saving throw. OK. Henry is going to go back to wearing shorts as well.
Starting point is 01:05:58 Oh, actually, that's a 22. You slip, but you kind of make a fun joke of it and you keep going. And you see Henry's freezing red nuts. Poles tight. Oh wow. Yeah, Zirk just takes a moment. Wow, I missed these.
Starting point is 01:06:13 Yeah, he's like, just like old times. He's a few steps ahead of everyone in the short charge. Yeah, it's good to have an experienced climber leading. Yeah, that's what I was talking about. Yeah, Zirk slips a salve to Henry. They look chapped. What? I guess I'm in two tiny servants spoons. No, no, no, no. Eventually, the only Billy could see. As you guys are climbing up, eventually you guys feel the air begins to warm up from this bitter cold to a cool spring breeze. And when you look down, you see that the walkway has been transformed from thick frost to
Starting point is 01:06:59 green grass flowers. That are from my knees. And you guys climb up and you find yourself on this next ring on a warm spring day. Fields of grass as far as the eye can see. As you look up at the sun, you can just see the outline of the next ring, thousands of feet up. Everybody go ahead and give me perception checks. Is this sun an illusion? You would assume so. I mean you're in a cave, yeah. Only 12 for fear. Or it's like it's fake magic. So you're kind of like you're in a grove essentially.
Starting point is 01:07:33 Ooh. Actually 13 because I roll a one in my coming of each time. 14 for Zirk. Sweet. Okay. You guys see the spire of a tower in the distance to the east. You see like a field of flowers and to the west you hear children playing. You hear like people laugh with that. Can I do like a fucking inside check on these children? Yeah. Wait. Zirk wants to see if their children are teens, so he's gonna do it inside as well.
Starting point is 01:08:07 Yeah. That's gonna be a 17. Zirk, you kind of walk up this like grassy hill a little bit and you see that they are tweens. You see fey tweens. Oh, this could break bad. They are running around. They are playing with wooden swords.
Starting point is 01:08:22 You see them prancing and dancing about gracefully. One of them has curly hair, another wears a night's helm, that's way too big for his head, and the other has 17 ponytails. Wow. Wow, this would put an octopus to shame. Ha ha ha. Um, okay.
Starting point is 01:08:41 Do we want to interact with the children? I guess, I mean, it's good to talk to people at these places. You know what, you're the father. Why don't you go in there Mr. Henry? Okay, show us your wisdom. You guys saw the way I talked to my son the first time I spoke with him, right? Yes, the first time was a bit of a misstep, but the second time, poetry. Yeah, okay. Um, so talk to them twice. You got it.
Starting point is 01:09:05 Hey, knock it off you little. You put it. Hey, what are you doing? I easy the kids just stop screaming. Hey. Hey. What, what did we do? Nothing, I just wanted to say hello.
Starting point is 01:09:17 Hello. Visitors, hey, my name's Bunch. You see the one with the big helm says his name is Bunt. Hey Bunt. This year's Sleffeany? Sleffeany is at the ponytail. Bunt's the girl with the curly hair. And it goes to the one with all the ponytail.
Starting point is 01:09:34 And it goes, and that's Starlight Explosion. All right. Starlight Explosion. Yeah, where you guys from? Oh my god. I'm from Maine. You're from Maine Right the main plane got actually buffalo
Starting point is 01:09:59 I don't know where any of those places or yeah, where are you from where am I from I'm from here? All right, are you a child are you a child of spring between yeah, that's green of spring Uh, I'm a green twin. We're the green twins Nope, do you guys want to come with us to our fort? Um, yeah, I actually do yeah, hey, I don't fucking trust these twins I'm gonna say it out loud. Um, you know Came of age you recently came weird thing to say to people, of what are you talking about? I'm talking about like, I kind of just like,
Starting point is 01:10:30 they're a little inventory on my song. I was like, not up via, and like, you can do that too. Cause right now you're a twin, but you were just a fucking nut up. No, we have a team. I'm okay, well, what I did is I played Pirates before and I was running around. I was a pirate captain and I was on a shit
Starting point is 01:10:50 and I came and I said, give me your treasure and they had to give me their treasure. Old win, we need another stairway. Old win. Old win. All right, I'll go to you. Beautiful. Why?
Starting point is 01:11:02 I don't know. Green train for. Let's go. I said, I should not lead. Why? I don't know. Green Tween 4, let's go. I should not lead. Awful. I will lead. I turn around Mr. Henry and Mr. Zerkin. I say, if they kill me, collect my corpse. I don't trust them we did.
Starting point is 01:11:19 No, the way we're coming with. Yeah. You guys see the green Tween? They'll have to kill all of us. The green twins are skipping. And you guys see this watch tower, a top of grassy hill. Moss is overgrown on the side. You see, there are banners all down the side of the tower.
Starting point is 01:11:35 It doesn't look militaristic. It looks like kids playing. You see this like G on a green banner. And you see outside of it, you see all of these kids running around, play fighting, food food fighting it's a camp It's a camp it's a lot of having food fights and everything and just having fun you see they look up at you and they go when you're here You don't have to grow up ever. Oh, that's not name? What is Bond? Bond, can I take one? I need to do it to yourself, Bond. But can I take a look at your teeth?
Starting point is 01:12:08 Just absolutely, Brian. Oh no, I don't need to brush my teeth even once. I implore you, do it once. Who's looking out for you, Bond? You look out for ourselves. But not very well. Give it a go. One way, we get to have fun all the time.
Starting point is 01:12:23 Yeah, but don't your teeth are? They're riddled of cavities. You see, it looks at Starlight, Explosion and Sleffeony, and they laugh, and they go, you wouldn't get it, you're an adult, she don't even eat cereal. I absolutely do fucking eat cereal. I love the cereal, you bought mine.
Starting point is 01:12:41 What's your favorite cereal? Fruity fucking pebbles, right? What's your favorite, fruity fucking babbles Okay, you're cool You know what's cool. Yeah, thank you so okay. Wait. I'm cool. I had a hard boiled egg for lunch Yeah, you know, it's cool like God, dude, you know, it's cool dude Rinking an entire French press that you slow-pourred yourself. What is a French press you For you guys a fucking door he doesn't know anything You can buy with these kids show him how you lick shit So to show him how you will be scientific you drink acids are can you lick piss come on?
Starting point is 01:13:15 The two licks piss in the pursuit of knowledge don't do this to me I see you do it twice but yellow like that Ten other kids that are around you and goes this guy lick I did do it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice.
Starting point is 01:13:29 You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice.
Starting point is 01:13:36 You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You did it twice. You there's so many vials that you've stored in my vest.
Starting point is 01:13:48 I take just one of the mini vials I've stored, which has, you know what? Honestly, you know, you probably got a little leftover Vazcal or some sort of like liquor in it. I use tinkering to turn it a sickly shade of yellow. Give me a deception check. I have looks like you have a bonds wheel rolling in such a. My deception is plus zero, hold on. Can I just hold my nose as I pass it to him and give him the help action? You try to sell it.
Starting point is 01:14:14 All right, so with advantage. I will also mind that our illusion, the smell of pink. With tinkering, with tinkering, I can make it smell like this. Well, I can choose color or smell. If you pull pull this off you're gonna be a freaking legend here. Yeah Honestly, if the deception doesn't work, I do have a vial of piss that you're gonna drink So if you can minor illusion it to look yellow, I can make it smell Okay, that's good because I actually just saw that minor illusion actually yellow and it smells like piss Go ahead and do it's deception. Do you drink please? Do you pretend to drink a piss to impress twins?
Starting point is 01:14:46 I also guess guys and son him. Add a B-floor. We need this song, Adelaide. Okay. That's all right. It's 2.13 and a four. 17. 17.
Starting point is 01:15:02 17 total? 17 total. Okay. It looks like the kids fly it. Can you can use flash of genius I if you want yeah 22 you it looks like you down And these kids all go We're gonna call you piss drinker drinker that's it like a drinker drinker
Starting point is 01:15:26 we're gonna show you all of the secrets of the tower yes I'll drink them up Bunt brings you inside Bunt starts showing your around such a different vibe than the Lord's side fight somehow the same you see a Bunt shows you the tower you guys walk in they have a cool real fort like they have a fucking watch tower. They have built a fake fort inside of the real fort. They're like broken down bookshelves. That I've been used to make a fort in here and he goes, this year is the hospital. We go on the hospital when you sick. Why did you do it with the books? The books? We don't read you don't like your eat
Starting point is 01:16:07 But you don't like magic you don't like mystery don't like being transport to a world that you don't live in you And to escape the Mondanides of life for the pleasures of literature I live in a tower with all of my friends. I fucking keep you in the team live in a tower with all of my friends. I fucking keep you in the team. No, they're so weak. They're so low. Yeah, he's 12. You stick back.
Starting point is 01:16:30 You kick a button, then he just falls over. Someone goes to attack you and Sleffani puts her hand up and she goes, no, she's friends with the piss drinker. She's good. My bun gets back up and goes, okay, anyway. So here are all the secrets of the tower. There's a rope swing that will get you to the top and down here. If you use your imagination, it's a pirate ship. Oh, I actually think that's really fun. I like to see man that imagination. What is it if we don't use our
Starting point is 01:17:08 imagination? Oh, it's just a, um, a bunch of stacked up broken bookcases. Great. Thank you. I'm noticing there's no bathroom or like a sink. Yeah, anything like that. The window like a shower or a bath. You just piss off the side of the tower until the rocks all stink like piss. Okay, that smell is great. Or it might be your Right, bye. You just piss off the side of the tower until the rocks all stink like piss. Okay. No hot stomachs.
Starting point is 01:17:27 That smell is okay, great. Or it might be your breath, piss drinker. Legend. Legend. Where is Leonora? Vichvana, he was Leonora. I didn't give me an insight, Jack. Oh, I have good insight.
Starting point is 01:17:41 Is that as a 10? Can I also do an insight? Does that hurt the name Leonora? Sure. That's 23. Okay. I have good insight that is a 10 can I also do an insight? I heard the name Leonora sure That's 23 okay. Oh She's gone should be here tomorrow um and Hank
Starting point is 01:17:54 You saw him kind of look down as he said that okay, where she go. I yeah, I should have looked at these guys Do you guys want root beer? No, I don't to look at these guys. Do you guys want root beer? No, I don't. So sorry. I see all the kids just like, can I like a catch a fucking piece of food in the air and then just spike it on the ground
Starting point is 01:18:12 and be like, we only food fight, but I say we food fight. Whatever the fuck is Leonardo. Go ahead and make an intimidation check. I quit. What? Yes. You see, absolutely pisses himself Don't drink it. Don't drink it. You're in a piss drinker health
Starting point is 01:18:33 Where's Linaura? Yes, where is she really? When did you leave Did you scare her away? Did you scare her away? No, I'm just born. I just tried to root her. I didn't have fucking class call you on. I asked, did you?
Starting point is 01:18:55 Did she go on her own accord? As you guys grill, Bunt, go ahead and give me perception checks as you can kind of see over his shoulder out the window All right, okay only a 14 but you know actually that's pretty good. I undersell it. Well shadow to the two crew Wow, shout out to the two crew for me. Oh, we're just too mad at bunch. All right. Okay, so Hank and Zirk You guys are too focused on how fucking pissed you are at Bunt But fiasis how angry they are and is like okay You guys are too focused on how fucking pissed you are at Bunt, but Fia...
Starting point is 01:19:25 Fia sees how angry they are and is like, okay, it's taken care of, I can take a moment for me. Yeah, so as your grilling Bunt, Fia, you see out the window that the giant field of flowers that you guys first saw when you got up to the spring ring is moving towards the tower and there are a lot of them and they are moving pretty fast. When you say moving you don't mean moving by the wind, you mean walking. Like walking. Like military marching. Marching. Okay.
Starting point is 01:19:59 Moving like on a spiritual life. Via, what are you looking at? We're all glaring at Bunt. Okay, Bunt, what the fuck is going on? Flowers are marching on this side. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa The flowers are gonna kill us! They're attacking! Okay, I look at both Mr. Henry and Mr. Zerak and I say, I know Leonora is supposed to be sort of like the fairy of storytelling, but this story sucks. I think that's what she's not here. I know, this is what I'm trying to think.
Starting point is 01:20:37 Okay. Whose cider we on in this one? Yeah, little. We've got to be on our side. We've got a catapult. We're going to shoot a flaming catapult at the flowers. Can I ask you why, why are the, why are the flowers marching on you? What did you do to the flowers? We picked the flowers.
Starting point is 01:20:52 You picked the flowers so they'll make march on you. Right. Did they say not to pick them? Did they say please don't pick me or I'll die? They didn't say anything. They were just sleeping and I picked the bed they did. Honestly, this is a war I don't want to pick either side. Yeah, again. Oh, maybe we find alongside the flower. We'll sort of align with the flowers. Okay.
Starting point is 01:21:12 You guys see, as you guys are saying that, the tweens all start to pull out knives. And go, what? What? Are you guys on the flower side or are you on our side? We're just trying to avoid a blood bath here because you know because there's a lot of flowers There's a lot of you guys you see Bunt's face suddenly turns like way older and then goes back to being a tween. What are you running from?
Starting point is 01:21:35 Bunt The flowers All that are you bump. How old are you? 12 You fucking how long have you been 12? 12 and a half? How old have I been 12? Yeah, you're asking a lot of questions.
Starting point is 01:21:50 Yeah, that's what you're doing. You know what? I think I am on the side of the flower, so if you want to use that fucking weapon on me, try and come at me because I'm going to come at you. You guys see the 12 green tweens begin sharpening their knives. You see, in their faces, flashes of these older versions of them, like mid-forties, early mid-dees. Why is every teen 40? Why does that keep happening?
Starting point is 01:22:17 And Bunt looks at you guys and goes, well, I guess if you're on the side of the flowers, we're gonna have to put you in the ground. And that's where we'll end our session. Oh, just clever. Take it back. That's an old man line. You know, it's too smart. Yeah, that was a loop.
Starting point is 01:22:34 Yeah, 12 year old didn't write that line. For a child. You know, and maybe a 40 year old didn't write it, but a 36 year old did, and it's close enough. You're in a count of it. Close to 40 than 12. Yeah, yeah, unfortunately. I mean, sweet guys.
Starting point is 01:22:50 Murphy, I hate these kids. Yes, you've made, sometimes you make enemies that are like too funny and likable. These I feel, I know this from your face, you are making them hateable as possible. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. As an adult, there's something completely unrelated about that stage of being a kid where it's like, let's all pretend we're airplanes.
Starting point is 01:23:15 It's just like, what the fuck out of here? Like if it was teenagers riding dirt bikes, you'd be like, Rad, no, I wish I could do that. That sounds fun. But when it's just like, for the world that's nostalgic for that time. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we can't even touch it. Sweet guys, thank you all so much for listening.
Starting point is 01:23:35 You can listen to us talk about this over on our Patreon. patreon.com slash nadpod. That's NADDPO. Do you don't say yes? Sorry about that. That's okay. I'll never happen again. Does anybody have anything they'd like to plug?
Starting point is 01:23:47 I do. I do. I just like saying I want to plug. I would like to plug the Threabuck Halflings outlaws and obelisk, it's their kind of like actual play series that has been coming out and I just joined it and I'm there for the rest of the season and Jasper who DM for us is on it.
Starting point is 01:24:08 Jeremy Cobb is the DM for it and he's fucking fantastic. Unaughty plays a gun-toting warlock. Connie from Trans Plain Art is playing a chronology wizard. So it was like so fun to see like which spells they choose and everything. And Johnny Charles, who's friends with like Jeremy O'Noughty and Jasper, place of barbarian druid, but he also writes the music for it.
Starting point is 01:24:36 So it was really fun to like, you know, see someone else like talk shop. So yeah, it's really cool. It's like a post-apocalyptic Western, but in like a North African setting, it's really, really, really, really a cool world. And I am really excited. And I play a paladin.
Starting point is 01:24:55 Yeah. I get a smite. I just play a straight paladin because the paladin is a fucking insanely good class. Yeah, finally, the petition to let Emily Smite has been answered. Yeah. Check out three black halflings, everybody.
Starting point is 01:25:10 Does anybody else have anything they'd like to plug? I would love to plug the PO box. Ooh, that's nice. It's been a bit since they did that, I think. Wow. If that's okay with y'all, 1920 Hillhurst Avenue. Number two to two. Los Fles California, 90027.
Starting point is 01:25:23 Great as we can send us stuff. Lovely address, full of lovely things for us. Lincoln L sent us a nice note and asked what anime I watched. This is a very indulgent one from Lincoln. Which I'll say, I most recently watched all four rebuild of Evangelion movies and now I'm hotly anticipating the chainsaw man anime debut. So that's the answer for you Lincoln Thank you everyone else for sitting through that
Starting point is 01:25:49 Someone else and as a pack of fates and fortunes cards from Nords games LLC It seems like it's a more advanced version of luck points and I am absolutely terrified of Murf employing them Oh, that sounds awesome. Yeah, they seem really cool. It's like a bunch of little, like, it's like a full deck of cards. So it's like the fate of many things and lock points combined. Yeah, I was gonna say like deck of many things
Starting point is 01:26:12 and that one. Yeah. Deck of many things, not fate of many things. Let's see what else we got. Oh, Trayla, the great thing in family, sent Emily a sick new set of dice and a beautiful wooden box to store them. Oh my goodness.
Starting point is 01:26:22 She also sent a mushroom pin from Sugarlitch. Check Sugarlitch out on Instagram and Patreon. Let's see, Mike a Baka telekitty creations. He's in an illustration of me and Jake getting our asses kicked by Raiden from Mortal Kombat. I'm not our character. He's just like us. Yeah, just us.
Starting point is 01:26:40 Just us as people. I think it's probably a follow up to me and Emily being in hell. Yeah, just us. Just us as people. I think it's probably a follow up to me and Emily being in hell. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, I'm fucking loves again. I might ask kick by right now. Yeah, I feel like the lightning would be like the electro shock therapy. He's like one of the coolest. So yeah, at least I'm the order comment you. Crush me. Crush me. Crush and shock me. Creshing shock me.
Starting point is 01:27:05 Jeff, that's Lord of the Fjord. Send us a bunch of goodies and DVDs, one of which is the German DVD for Dungeons and Dragons. That's right, it's not a girl from America. But Jeff went above and beyond and now we have access to the third movie in the Dungeons and Dragons. Does this mean that we're gonna watch it with subtitles as it was meant to be watched. I think that might make me tolerate it a little more. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:29 I'm very excited to find out what the German word for snail is. Okay. Okay. Sean sent us a shirt for their metal core band Oceans and Omen's. The logo is absolutely sick. Looks perfect for mashing in. And that is all I've got. Oh wait, one more.
Starting point is 01:27:46 Brendan aka Riggs and his copies of their book, Congrats Brendan, writing a book is no small feat. We're honored to know we inspired your journey. That is all from the PO box. Thank you so much friends for listening and sending us cool little things. Sweet, Jake, you got anything you want to plug? Oh, you know, it's been a minute since I plugged my family oil business. Oh, oh, it's out of my crew.
Starting point is 01:28:09 What did you say oil business? It really sounds like. Well, you know, my sisters make beard oil under East Rock Botanicals, aka ERB, and me and my brother have been dealing in crude. Yeah. Just a little time to get into that. You guys can find me over on the docs in Williamsburg. I'll sell you a drum at home. Can I put it in my rap for? Yeah, you can. You spell off the back of the tanker, all right?
Starting point is 01:28:39 Insane. What is the name of the oil company? East Rock Botanicals, aka ERB. Unless you're asking about me and my brothers, that's Jacob Michaels crew. That's what you think it like, it's crew. Head on down to the docs, everybody. Thank you all so much for listening.
Starting point is 01:28:58 We will be back next week with another episode. In the meantime, you can follow us on social media that we're million, may or may not use at CHMRI, at called Discaldwall, at the Extra Demole, and at your girl's Jake, and you can tune about the show using hashtag nadpod that's n-e-d-d-p-o-d. We are the youth of the nation! We are the youth of the nation! E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E- offering adults who decided to stay 19 forever instead. They party every night, sleep all day and play COE whole with the flowers every weekend. Sounds way better actually.
Starting point is 01:29:51 Jordan DJ, Cutter W, Jive G, Dylan B, a group of green tweens who ate boogers on a dare. Mirror hours before Zerk showed up and stole their glory. Death to the piss drinker, they say. Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Andrew M, Beardman Dan, Scott D, and Danny P. Manicurus responsible for sharpening Lord's side's finger of death. They also bedazzled his nails to say, Hunk, but that is unrelated. The mixologist Michael McD, Vincent W, Victor T. Balnor's boy, and Andrew B. The Dunstands, these hardcore Dunstin heads, all just heard
Starting point is 01:30:27 the news about their beloved hero and are honoring his memory by volunteering to hold someone else's overpriced trash. Just an eye, Ragnar Faredwind, TJM the gnome barbarian, Alena M and Trayle, the cray, Faye. The root beer goblins, these humble creatures bring the green tweens a fresh cask of tasty soda every morning, and before you ask, yes, they do make it with their bodies. Yum!
Starting point is 01:30:52 Jared E. Austin Bonza. MR. Damial R. And cyborg version of Josh the Cobalt plus Gage M. The green tweens who installed their forts, sick as zip line, it's actually super safe and reliable mostly due to the fact that these green tweens are all 45 year old contractors with engineering degrees. Gilbert the fabulous Richard X Machina Michael L. Trass the traveler and Sir Carl test subjects
Starting point is 01:31:19 of Zerks all cure elixir trial. At first they were excited but then they read the fine print. And now they are all trying to decide if being cured is worth drinking. What Zerks refers to as a not insignificant amount of piss. Jorias, Dana G, Calum L, and Jack L, the inventors of Bito coin. Unlike most crypto currencies, this one features actual coins, mind by actual bidos. Currently it's not accepted anywhere, but once they figure out a way to scrape all the shit off the coins, the beetle coin revolution will begin.
Starting point is 01:31:52 Flulless well. Sam L. Nicholas C. Samuel B. The green tween, the green tween's nannies and house keepers who fucking hate them even more than the third mate's impossible. Mike H. Utsumuk, the baby bronze, I struggled on baby. Imagine that. The baby bronze dragon, Matthew E. Colton B. and Adam G. the marketing executives who heard branding smite and immediately wondered if they could get Billy's smite in the shape of a Nike swoosh, Megan S. Niebad knee-badger, panima james, and
Starting point is 01:32:26 commons, the bard, piss Somaliese, who absolutely had to bite their tongue at zerk, chugging the piss without first decanting, aerating and swirling, and sniffing the piss. Absolutely, Borish, Captain sigil, Grace G, Drew Nasty, C.C. Lulu, and Barnes & Nader, makers of the sum cure, Elixir. Sure, it's not flashy, it doesn't promise you the world, but it's still pretty impressive to cure measles and IBS. Michelle O. Timmy R. Jonathan W. The Crockwearing Warrior, Lucas B. and Aaron S. Flower Knights, whose honor knows no bounds, and whose fragrance strikes ever true, the heroes Eldermorne deserves.
Starting point is 01:33:09 It's Kevin, rundown Johnny's pubic mound, New York, Stephen C, and KJ. The roots from which root beer is brewed turned out they are the roots of sentient dryads held in captivity. Is there no end to the green tween depravity. Michael M. Mike K. Joy T. Nick W. and Taylor A. Lord Scythe's stylist, stylist who insisted on the scythe he protested at first saying scythe is a family name not to be taken literally, but it turned out it's really good for sparing shrimps at cocktail parties.
Starting point is 01:33:42 As may M. Kelsey see, Kazmir, the all-knowing, Big Bad Beard of the Mad, and Eric Mick D. Isaac's family, which is a huge, close knit, extended unit of siblings, cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles, Godparents, to which Isaac will return and receive the love he is so sorely missed
Starting point is 01:34:00 hanging out with Billy Chrisy, and rundown Johnny, giant monsters on the horizons. Thrath, Burley T, J-Track and Boren, Joe Rowe the in-appropoeue, and Cody B. The band that plays visibly invisible, a song that actually is just a note for note remake of accidentally in love, but about Lord Scythe being visibly invisible. I fucking already love the song. Liam D, the Sandran, Ben A. Fel Donas, and Dave H. Keepers of the Spring Ring lore. They will forever pass down the legend of the pissed drinker. Koala Bear, Catherine S. David Kay, Christian S. And Dustin S. Raco's pony pals.
Starting point is 01:34:40 These skeletons have ponytails so long that they actually have advantage on athletics checks involving grappling. Cutter F, the Time Walker, two left eyes DPC is awesome, the green 20-somethings. These Faye tricksters were way too busy getting drunk and hooking up with each other to bother the third mates. Now that's my kind people. Ashton S, Blair, the bug Blair, Barber, Blair,-ri-un. Pork Chop, Chanel M. and Balacey Raptor. Makers of Eldermore and Athletic Gear, who have just found their latest mascot, a giant glowing naked man running down a hallway.
Starting point is 01:35:14 Minnet F. Pat L. Achootha A. Lauren H. and David M. Knights in the Flower Army next week, they will get their bloody revenge. Elias Hawthorne, Alex H. the eldest berry. Evan V. Ryan S. and the bone duster. Bones team of dentists. They haven't heard from him in the 30 years that he's been pretending to be 12 and that makes sense. We you tell based on this breath. Robert Chris, Yee Drasel, Brent Lee C. Micah B. Ploups, and Carly Ann, root beer Barons of the Spring Ring. They are absolutely filthy rich.
Starting point is 01:35:47 Laurie P. Seth AJ spam gaming the not so skilled gamer Connor Savage. Christopher J. Pebble Putt, responsible Aladdin who live in the tower next to the green tweens tower they haven't gotten a good night's sleep in 30 years. Leviathan, Bioquart, Remington CD, Amber Dexterous, and Thrill of the Fright, the cast of Elder Morn, Jackass who have recently come under fire for using Zerks fake piss drinking trick, they promise to only chug real urine from now on. Way to go guys. Sullivan H, Trubhop, Dropper, Sydney T, Alex C, Jesse DLR, the element god, and Lindsay W,
Starting point is 01:36:24 Green Twins who are unimpressed with their drinking piss, but only because they actually just do it a lot themselves. Champ W. Vailin, Sprite Pepsi, Cartlin C. Anthony S. and Jake Dunston's buds who are all growing increasingly concerned that he hasn't checked in. Dunston usually checks in. That's the thing about Dunston. He checks in. CCA, Matthew J, T-R-A-P, T-R-A-P, come on. Michael S, the bone duster, and Noah, Lord Scythe's Scythe makers.
Starting point is 01:36:55 He paid them a lot of money for that Scythe, and they absolutely spent all of it at the tavern and gave him a Scythe made of tin. No one ever ran away naked. Estelle, Baron S. S. S's romance partner from the Baronies, conflicted DM Justin LB and Dandy Flavor scientists, were waiting in the wings to work with Zirk to make the all-cure elixir taste like Sprite. Wow, we thank you.
Starting point is 01:37:17 In advance. Jennifer R. Clifton A. Richard G. M. Barber and Marcos P. Bito trainers who work tirelessly to condition beatos to make that eyeing sound because in the wild, beatos have beautiful sonarous brazen and people would just feel too bad eating them. Pup Kalish Gabbriel M. Learned the balance, Druid Dakota JP and Pagos the self-proclaimed Faye Prince, family members of the green tweens who are all 100% fine that
Starting point is 01:37:45 they have run away. The truth is they acted like they were 12, even when they were all in their old bodies. Tracy P, the Crick elf librarian, Andy E, Scruppy Bogpipe, Holly and Anthony A, Rocco's hair stylist, unlike Johnny, he lets them touch his hair, though it's only to comb it never, ever, ever to cut it. No way. Abigail, Egan Finitum, Sloth King, 777, Chungledown, Cal, and Commodore Galaxy. Flowers advancing on the green team for it, but they're starting to smell the BO, the urine, farce, and they're thinking of retreating.
Starting point is 01:38:18 And I guess that's the defense system at work right there. Edison and Russell H. Nio, Slora R. Kira, and Russell H. Neos, Laura R. Kira and Logan H. Iser's advisors. They are all wiser than Iser and that's no lie sir. Yeah. Alright, thank you.

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