Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 12: The Watchman (The Road to Galaderon with Nathan Yaffe)

Episode Date: April 26, 2018

The party picks up a new ally...literally. Nathan Yaffe (Drawfee/CollegeHumor) joins the Band of Boobs on a quest to track down a mythical being that could hold the answers to their burning questions: Who are Hardwon's parents? What's amiss at the Crick? And when will Beverly finally grow chest hair?Music/Sound Effects include:"Anguish" by Kevin MacLeod at incompetech.com."Harp.WAV" by RepDac3 at Freesound.org."Scary Ambiance" by ashleyxxpiano at Freesound.org."Piano Melody" by orangefreesounds at Freesound.org."Smooth Emotional Dramatic Intro" by tyops at Freesound.org.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome back to Bahumia Everyone. I'm your Dungeon Master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Hurwitz. Hard one, surefoot. Emily Axford Moonshan Sabin maiden of Melora and Queen of the sneak And called a little Tanner Beverly toe gold your leafy lad and also our guest this week Nathan Yaffy Hello, all right. Do I say my characters name yet? Oh, no, you don't okay. Don't know who you are Don't I'm a mystery. We haven't met you. I'm an enigma. Just please shut up. Okay. Yeah, if you could read your character sheet for verbatim right now

Yeah, just briefly explain your backstory in 15 minutes or so Cool, so let's do a little recap. But last week, it's been a while since we played, guys. Yeah, I just do, guys. I know. We did some trips, we did some traveling. You guys went to Japan, and I went to Nashville. Yeah.

Both world travelers in their own way. Oh, yeah. I sat patiently in my desk waiting for you to come back. I mean, my standard is is if ludicrous mentions it and pinpin' all over the world, it counts as being a world travel. I bet he hits Nashville then. Hopefully.

It's a real, it's a metropolitan hub. Yeah, I was also in Atlanta actually, so there we go. Yeah, wow. Cool. So last week, you guys questioned Skullis, the arcane dealer who supposedly killed Stunkbugs brother, but found out that that was a lie. You began to suspect that Stunkbug had been implanted with false memories by Professor

Dutdle, so you guys marched over to his lab to confront him, only to meet Juan, his robot lab assistant, and the rest of the clockwork automatons. You had a tense showdown with Juan, who was trying to protect a duttle secrets, while also sparing you guys, his new friends. Hard one was able to talk Juan into betraying the other automatons. Allow the man.

Hard one, baby. Allowing you guys time to rush into a secret passage that moonshine found in the lab. The passage led directly to the city rehab center for magic addicts, but turned out not to be a rehab center at all, but rather a giant secret lab where Duttle was performing terrible experiments and creating monsters.

You guys continue to uncover the conspiracy as you discovered that Captain Oswald, leader of the Edgrey Police Force, was working with Duttle to kidnap and turn magic addicts and other criminals into an undead army that they were planning on using to clean up the city. You guys quickly murdered Duttle, but not before. So quickly.

So quickly. And that's one of those moments as a DM where your butthole puckers just a little bit. When your players do the smart thing, but they don't let the main bad guy kind of give his speech. Yeah. Yeah. And to throw out a little bit of the script there.

Press A to skip cuts. Yeah. That's exactly what happened. But not before he could release his most horrible creation, Gunk Bog. Stunk, Stunk Bog supposedly dead brother who wasn't killed by sculless but rather died while being tested on by Dutl.

Marbley gave us a peek behind the screen. What was his name gonna be before Adam named him Gunk Bogg? Oh, I was always gonna let Adam name him. And once Adam's name was Stunkbug, which he did not run that by me before we started, I knew Gunkbug was gonna have a dumb name. You faced and killed the monstrous Gunkb bog, along with the traitorous Captain Oswald and her knights, then blew up the lab and rode out of town leaving Stunk Bug and his best bud wand, the automaton, to bury gunk bog in a proper grave. Hell yeah. So you guys

are riding off into the night onto your horses. You've just blown up this lab. You've said you're goodbyes to Stunkbug and Juan as Professor Duttle's secret lab explodes behind you. You guys exit the Esri bubble as the bubble nights are flocking to the fire. You make it to the outer rim. You see wild magic addicts kind of fighting with each other. People boarding up their windows. It's just a complete shit show. One thing that is very odd as you guys are riding out of town, you see one little gnome riding a little steam engine, dune buggy looking extremely determined,

and he's a little bit slower than your horses. So you guys are just riding along next to him. That's how he goes down like he's going to supervep. I scoop him up. You scoop him up. I'm scared. I'm scared. Anything you suddenly suddenly, suddenly, this elf, it's elf riding by on a horse grabs you. Oh my seatbelt. I grab him like a like live Tyler in a, in a little ring. Oh cool. I'm a little Frodo. Wait, what happens to his, his moon buggy?

He's still, do you have a seatbelt on me? I think it pops off. Do you just go willingly just like, get weight yourself and just go? I, you know, I don't get out of the city very much. I wasn't necessarily prepared for this, but I'm trying to go with the flow. So, you know, it's a family car, it's a family vehicle, and I guess I hope we have it in sure.

Yeah, where I come from, Scoopin' is an act of love. Moonshine, we Scoop. It's a kid to hunt. Moonshine Scoops up this random gnome, and he leaves behind his dune buggy. I'll grab his dune buggy. He grab his dune buggy. He has a good scoops, but he's good. I'm huge. He can do it. It's a gnome d dude buggy. Yeah, I'm huge. Hey, probably it's a gnome dude It's a gnome doom buggy, but it's pretty bad. I said pop on a hell

You cannot carry the dude buggy I have I scooped okay, I try it to my horse though. It's going behind me. No I I'm gonna slow down my horse. Throw a rope to hard one. Hard one can jump onto the dune buggy. Cool, can I ride in the dune buggy? You can't, it's four gnomes, but it is still the good big for you to carry. I love that. It's like a safe boy.

Beverly can ride in the dune buggy I haven't even said hello to this gnome or anything We are I'm gonna put I'm gonna put him in the dune buggy Wait, so you guys stop you guys stop your horses No, this is stop No, this is stop it while we're stuck Rollin insane acrobatics check

That was the best. Did that happen fast enough? Rollin' insane acrobatics, check. Go ahead, that was... That was... Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Okay, it's gonna happen. What did you roll? I did write a...

That's a 19. Okay, Jesus Christ. What would you... Okay, so you guys are trying past this Dune Bucky, wordless, by the way. No one has said anything. It's a move sign.

Just picks up the gnome, puts it on the back of a horse. He's lightly protesting. Yeah, I feel like, excuse, hi, hello, hi. And the hard one, what are you doing? This Dune Buggy is getting left behind. No, this is super easy. Like, we've taken a long time to get here,

so it feels like it's really clunky, but this is exactly what happened. There's like, town blown up behind us, epic heroes. We see a cute little guy in a dune buggy. Moonshine, obviously, he's got a pick of ups. If the dude looks like a human Jonah, so she grabs him. I know what's happening.

Moonshine's got the gnome with her now, so I grab Beverly, easy. Just pick him up by the nape of the neck, place him in the dune buggy. He's riding the dune buggy now, and then I take the rope from his horse, so I'm leading Beverly's horse while riding on my horse. Beverly does not know how to drive.

It's pretty intuitive. Yeah, I've wrote what's going on. Roll a raw intelligence check, Beverly. As you are tossed into this, truested to your shouting structure. Just like 10 and 2. Keep your hands at 10 and two and I

Fuck you do it. I whenever the stakes are low enough Beverly buckles the fuck up shifts this thing into high gear and just peels out right in front of y'all Yeah, and you know it that. You can do that. You can do that. 19 and then a net 20. So yeah, you guys just fast and the furious. Grab this dude, Beverly gets thrown into the driver's seat, just peels out Tokyo drift behind you guys on the horses as you guys ride out of town.

Ride or die, bitches? I look, I turn back to my new friend and I say, sorry we won, you're so small, I thought you were a young-in. Is this a kidnapping? Are you a kid? No, I'm a, you know, I, no-m's age slower than, then people, I'm actually in my 60s, which is like no-m 20s. Wow, I'm a grad student at the East Bubble Institute of magic. Okay, but you look like you're scootin' town before you got scooped. Yeah, yeah, I don't get to get out of town very often,

but I heard tell of a being that can answer questions about about the world, mysteries, I'm an amateur, but I guess I'm on a quest to find the right. Cool, dude, we just met three fucking pros. Look at the way the kid can Tokyo do it. Hey, does this thing have a radio? Oh, so you guys successfully get out of town, you catch up to the main road,

and you're able to set up a little campsite. Great. I say I'm so sorry, but I do not have an extra sleeping bag. But why don't you take mine and I'll make myself a dirt blanket. Oh that's okay. I did a plan to be on the road. I brought my own stuff. Honestly I think she wants to wear the dirt blanket.

It's whatever, whatever makes you happy. I'm already in a dirt blanket. My name's Jonathan by the way, I don't know if we've already got to get there. What'd you say, Jonathan? Jonathan. Yeah. Jonathan Tinkle of the Tinkle Clan.

We're a Tinkle Clan. Academic family. Why are you fleeing the city? I'm looking for something. I'm a. He heard, pray tell. You guys know about the, I mean, of course, everyone knows about the legendary heroes of

Bahumia Yeah, yeah, Alonus the alla and Ulfgar I was the man. Yeah, I am a proud member of the the alla fandom They're really cool. I like all three honestly. I can't pick a favorite. They're all they're all great I you know, I think I think I'm more of a the alla even though, you know, I'm a wizard. People would think I'm an alonist, but the all is just so good and pure. Heck yeah! Yeah. I really just get so amped hearing about pureness.

I think I whip out my amulet. Oh my God. Heck yeah buddy. Is that the all is amulet? Yeah, I found it in a keep. And it's been aiding us in our journey. It has healing properties. Can I see it in a keep and it's been it's been aiding us in our journey. It has healing properties. Can I can I see it? Well hold on you know, I'll just come really close to you. Okay. It's it's cracked. Can I I?

I have a spell that might be able to fix that. Wait really? Yeah, I have a spell called mending and it mends things. Okay. Sounds appropriate. All right I think that Beverly is just Overflowing with trust for people whether it's a good idea or not So Beverly hands over the amulet and and let's ton of them do his magic. Cool. So you perform the mending spell Yeah, I cast mending on it. Cool. So you see ton of thin grabs it touches it with an arcane flick of his wrist whatever that means Mm-hmm and you see blue energy come flick of his wrist, whatever that means. And you see blue energy come out of his hand

and fill the crack and you see it's sealed. Whoa! And then it cracks again. Oh, way to go, Tonethin. Well, Tonethin, you know what, Papa has downright chewed through his leash. Maybe you could take it. Okay, let's take it.

Baby steps, baby steps. Yeah, maybe not a powerful artifact from one of the legendary heroes. You did your best though. And he did repair the leash. The leash looks like new. Ooh! I sneak up on Papa and put it in the back.

I am, where are we? I mean, when we were old, Papa'd next year he checked to get out of the way to get from Papa and the leash. He rolled a nat one. He just, he tried to scramble, he flopped over, and he kept scramble and once he was upside down, he'd just easily put him in his, in his, in his, in his, in the city anymore, and I know you like to run when you see trees.

If, uh, if you want it to be a different color, I have a spell for that too. Can you make it look like it's made of diamonds? Uh, I can try. Uh, I cast Presidigitation on the, uh, on the leash to make it look like it's made of diamonds? I can try. I cast press of digitation on the on the leash to make it look like it looks like a nice ass doll. Wow! I take it off and put it on myself. Which I you look great. That effect should last for about an hour. I'm gonna go and get a get fire going. Oh you're gonna get fire. I'm gonna get a stew going. Absolutely. Yeah, we I don't think we have any

Any jomple I agree to anybody scoop up some of the snakes that come across you They all disappeared dang But I do have some crawfish. We can make ourselves a more. Yeah, how long have you been carrying the crawfish for? Since before I met up with you guys, so... I have a big bag of sugar clouds. We could make some, some glitter on some more. How's that sound? Crawfish sounds fine.

Okay, all right. More for me. I'll try it some more. Oh, okay, yeah. Here, I'll show you how to make them. Okay. Look at the wee ones getting on. I'm so much older than you.

I'm sucking the eyes out of a crawfish. I'm sucking the digested whatever was in his stomach. Just the brown part. That's what that is. Delicious. I'm just like furiously taking notes. It's like this is how adventurers behave. Jonathan, I didn't want to pry earlier because we had only just met but...

You did prime me out of my vehicle. I scooped you. No, sorry. Scoop is very different than a pry. Fair enough. If I'm going to pry you, you're going to have a couple bruises, you know. That was a very smooth scoop, I will admit. Thank you.

But I'm curious about this magical beast that can answer any question because where I come from is Humbens Amiz. And I could use some advice about that. Oh yeah, I mean, everything seems to have gone wrong since the heroes disappeared. I've been reading all of my graphics scrolls about their adventures trying to figure out if there are any clues in there about what happened. Which graphics scrolls about their adventures trying to figure out if they if there are any clues in there what what what happened which graphics scrolls

do you read the um you know the off-guard adventures and I've that one uh yeah sure it's it's mint condition but uh be careful with a lot of crawfish of I think that's okay I look over a shoulder and pretend to read it. But I don't know, Jonathan and Hanna, and Lamy, and Lamy, and Lamy. Jonathan reads it with tweezers, but Hanna went just with crawfish heads. Just, no, this is good. It's like he's fingered to turn every page. Real saucy hands.

This is an added a real thick face. So you want to ask this enlightened being, what do you want to ask him or her? I want to know where the heroes went Passing any question that I would love to know too But if you guys want to I think every one person gets to ask their own question So if you guys have Wow burning questions in your heart maybe Would you guys like to join me on my on my adventure?

Yeah, maybe it is the warm glow of this fire effect in my sentiments, but let's go around and say what we would ask. Okay. Yay. Oh, it's just like a campfire game. Yeah. It's the campfire game. Okay. I'll go first. I want to ask when I will get chest hair. That is small because you can ask anything you want. It's pretty important to me, okay? I can answer that question. Erlin and Durlin already have some and I don't have any and it's I've only got a couple under my armpits and I just I don't know I just feel like it's never gonna happen for me. All right. I think I'm allergic to crawfish. You are breaking up. You have eyes, man.

Oh, jeez. I'm a paladin. I'm not supposed to be able to get disease. I'm really just sweating so much. I think, okay, what are y'all's then? If mine's so stupid. Well, I would like to ask what's amiss at the creek. That makes sense. That's good.

I'm curious who my parents are. Yes. But the chest hair thing is pretty compelling also. You guys all just ask different questions about Beverly's puberty. I know only have boobs. I guess I could ask about this crack in my amulet. That seems interesting.

The fact that we can't mend it, even with magic, that's very peculiar. Oh, it's got to be some kind of, it must be cracked from some sort of arcane magic. Yes, some sort of dark magic. But Duttle didn't seem to notice anything arcane about it, but he was kind of a Professor Duttle. Yeah, he was kind of a Bozo to be completely honest. He was a real Jackass.

Yeah, he's kind of a churl. He killed Skolas. He's kind of a creep. Yeah, oh, we murdered him. Oh, we killed him super easy. Oh, wow. Like, he killed Skolas him. Oh, we killed him super easy. Oh, wow. But he killed Skolas and you know, started a big old thing. We have nothing to do with anything that just happened

behind us. Oh, I mean, there's always weird noises and stuff coming from that lab. I figured it was only a matter of time before something bad happened there. Yep, yep, matter time. That's what did it. All right, yeah, no, I wasn't out.

It's natural consequences. Yeah, fire making me see. That's the, it. All right, yeah, no, it wasn't us. Natural consequences. Fire makes me see. That's the, there's chaos in the world, and sometimes you can't do anything about it. It, lighten shadow, my friend. Anyway, let's take a rest. Yeah, so you guys... Ton of them, we would love to, we would love to accompany you. Thank you so much.

Oh my gosh, wow, this, this quest is going so much better than the last time I went on a quest. You haven't, you barely touched your crawfish. I, you can have mine. How do I, what do I do with it? It's, I just, it's so nice. I'm sort of nibbling on the shell. Yeah, you eat the whole thing. Yeah.

Moonshine, you wanna show Ton of it at a sucker crawfish? Yeah, again, I go straight for the Digi, whatever's in this stomach. Well, I'm going to try and sleep these hives off, I think. So you guys all go to bed, you get a full rest, you get all your spell slots back. I meditate for four hours.

But then I have an herbalism kit. What does that do? I think it might help you with medicine checks and stuff like that. I don't think it's gonna give you anything significant. I'm just saying those four hours before everyone wakes up and joins me, can I walk around and use my herbalism kit and see if I find any cool leaves.

Cool. What do I do? Yeah, I mean you find some brown leaves, you find some green leaves. It's kinda crazy. I collect them like they are the greatest treasures. Pop-Os run it up and grab and some and put them in his mouth and then put them in your can.

I have it in her morning, you know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get up early so I have some me time. I like to think we wake up and there's like big cups of tea ready for us and we're like, hmm, where these leaves come from? Oh, they're the brown ones. Oh, brown is dirty, brown leaves.

Your tea tastes like mud. And it is not caffeinated, and it's not tea for that matter. Is this fric tea? I can magically make it taste better. Mine's fine. Okay, great, yeah. I make it taste like cocoa for me. Ooh.

Wow, so you guys enjoy your hot cocoa. Hard one is already had all of the dirt. I really come around to moonshine's cooking After living in the mountain my life, it's just like this is this is normal food She also introduced me to sliders normal elf stuff is moonshine Hey, I love it. Yeah, before you get into it. How long has it been since we left? Moons Moonstone it took you about two days to get up to Esri from Moonstone,

so it's been a few days. All right, I was just checking because I know that I have to be back in Glatoron in two weeks. Yes, so we're still have time. Also, when you left Glatoron and traveled down to Moonstone, you were but a little rich boy that your parents set off on a carriage. So you were traveling pretty slow.

You were riding like hell with full adults. And also the forest that Jonathan is looking for where you guys can find the being are in the Galator on Glades. So it's near Galator on. Cool. So you guys travel along the road to Galator on. You're on a path called the Golden Road.

It's this long main road that connects all the You're on a path called the Golden Road. It's this long main road that connects all the major cities on this part of the continent. And of course, there are a lot of people heading to Galatoron because it's the capital city, so you see plenty of people along your way. Actually, you guys, you know, see merchants, carriages of merchants going by and stuff. If there's any common items or anything that you guys would like to buy. I would personally love if I could get a little better armor and possibly if there's a cimitar with better attack bonus. You're not gonna find a cimitar with better attack bonus is going to be a magical item or a very well made item

and you're not gonna find that just on the road here but you can find like common items. So you can find hide armor. You find a wagon with like a tanner on it who gives you hide armor. What kind of animal is this from? It's from a cow. Oh, that's...

Yeah, you see the black and white spots. Yeah, you look like a cow girl. It's pretty cool, right? This is great. This is gonna go great with my cloak. Thank you so much, sir. Cool, see you got... Now you have hide armor that is black and white

and looks like you're wearing a dumb cow shirt. I'm sure. So you get plus one to your AC that costs 10 gold. Would anybody else like to buy anything? Yeah, I'm going to want some armor too. Great. You can buy half plate, which is for 750 gold, or a breast plate for 400 gold.

I've got five. Oh, you can also buy scale mail. That's only 15 gold. I'll go, I'll spring for the breastplate. Don't, you got eight-dil to breastplate. All right. I've got a little gnome breastplate. It brings me down to 105 gold.

Yeah, it's so teeny. Yeah, that might be a few bucks for a slider, huh? So now, so your AC jumps up to 18. Hell, yes. So you go up to it. Look, it's got nipples on it too. That's very craft, that's good craftsmanship. Yeah, look at that.

While they're doing that, I'm studying my divination portent, the way that works is I get to roll a D20 twice and just save those rolls for later to replace one of our rolls or an enemy's rolls. Roll it up. So I got an 11, just right in the middle. and just save those rolls for later to replace one of our rolls or an enemy's rolls. Ooh! Roll it up, so I got an 11, just right in the middle. Good. Give it to an enemy though.

Don't want it. You can give it when Beverly rolls a 2. Y'all. That was an 18. 18, okay. Those are good. Those are two good ones. Can I buy some stuff?

Yes, what would you like to buy? What about a sword, a better sword, maybe? No, you're not going to be able to find something better than a long sword on the road. Well then, I will just buy some esoteric bullshit then. I gave my gaming set to Irland. Do they have any fantasy Uno cards? Yeah, sure.

You can buy a little card set for five gold. It would be like a little fur vest to make it feel you have to get some. You can also buy potion, this is something that might stop you from dying. I'm gonna definitely buy you know it You didn't take my gold. No, all right, so oceans are 50 gold for just a regular healing I will buy three potions cool 150 gold 150 I'll buy potion to okay, wait So it's I mean it's good to have a lot of potions all right cool. So I'll still buy three

Yeah, the last thing I want to check for is if anyone selling musical instruments. Yeah, yeah You definitely you find some traveling bar to have random instruments for sale you can you can take like a flute or Mandolin I feel like I I walk over to I could I back into moonshine and I'm like Which one do you think and I'm kind of like holding up, I've hold up like an oboe and like a bassoon. A bassoon definitely. Or like a saxophone. I point at, I point at.

There are no saxophones. I point at the oboe and I say, ooh, the mouthpiece on that is slim. Yeah. Luckily I've got a real little mouth. Yeah, I think you should take the oboe. Poo, poo. Poo.

Okay, for an oboe, like an actual metal work instrument is probably gonna cost you like 120 gold. Okay, you can buy like a little wooden fight or something for like five gold. Is there anything between five and oboe? Like a mandolin, probably cost you like 64. Well, I've got my fiddle. So you already got the straight ass.

So I'll just go buy the, if I can buy like an engraved Fife. Okay, okay. I also, I want to secretly buy like a wood block. Cause I'm like, just starting to, I'm starting to harbor like a little bit of it as I joined the band, but I don't want to, but I know yet. Great.

I see everyone buying instruments, so I get a triangle. OK, great. You buy a little triangle because you like buying gold. You also see kind of about it. No, I just want to fit in. I just think you guys are really cool because you're adventures, and I only ever read about adventures and scrolls. I didn't see hard one because he was being shy about it,

but I see Tata fin by it. And I say say well boys if we're gonna buy something we got to give a little something back and I take out new Betsy and I play a song for the person that they bought it from. Heck yes! Okay yeah role A performance Jack. Let me let me help. I cast guidance. You can add D-Ford or your role. Oh, nice. Nice. We're gonna be good at roles now. A-D! Yeah, we're right. The band has a better sound. The band sounds better than they've ever sounded.

Hard one, do you participate in all these kind of... I'm still too nervous, but I'm tapping on my leg. Tapping on your leg so close to the wooden block. T-Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. tapping on my leg. Tapping on your leg so close to the wooden block. Tapping. Tapping. Tapping. Tapping. While we're playing, I'm going to sing the song of the ancients. Right? Can do the light do what you should.

Show to the light protect what's good. Preserve the light within your soul. Be the light that makes us whole. Yeah. Tapping. Tapping. Tapping. And you see the barred merchant guy just gives you guys some light applause. Okay, I mean that was fine. I mean I'm a barred so you know, our bands are usually better

and stuff. Kind of weird that you guys just started playing. How did the equivalent of going into a music store and playing for a really good musician and just doing kind of an okay job? Today's work, do we give you barred of inspiration? Do you feel inspired? I, you know what? I need to be on my way to go on. Save. Wow, we really changed his life.

He hops back in his cart and he starts going. I'm worried that we outdid him. Yeah, he brought the food for that. That felt really good though. Yeah. Should we start a band? Maybe we should ask the legendary being if that's if starting a band's a good deal. I was going to ask about my chest hair. Oh true.

We've got time to keep more and over these plastic. Yeah, yeah. So you guys keep walking along the road. It's about a three day hike for you guys to get close to glitter on. Two things that stick out on the road as you guys go is that there are a lot of wanted posters with a picture of a hooded woman. Okay, then I would like to take one down. Okay, so you read the wanted poster, it says, wanted a live and it's a picture of a woman whose eyes are hidden under a black cloak and it says says name the widow. Wanted for killing several members of the chosen

and the attempted murder of Captain Glad Rosell, approach with caution, apprehend, do not kill. Beb, you know anything about the chosen? Hmm, I think really hard. Yeah, give me a history roll. That's it Nats 20. Get ready for some shitty ass combat rolls. Have you rolled two Nats 20s today?

Yeah, that's pretty good. Beverly pulls out his pipe and says, prepare for a song about the history of the thing that we said just a second ago. Hard one's tapping is thang. So you know the chosen as being paladins who are a little bit extreme. Your dad refers to them as knuckleheads, but they don't worship a singular God, and they just worship the light, and they kind of believe that one day there will be somebody who is so powerful with the light that that will be their new leader that that will be like their god.

So they're like Southern Baptist. Yes. Do they handle snakes? They don't handle snakes. But you also know Captain Galad-Rosell, you guys would actually all know his name. He'd be like one of the more legendary swordsmen. He's from's from the later on. No, get attempted murder. Oh, she attempted to murder Captain Galadrozel. Galadrozel is also, he's the captain of the chosen. He taught a fencing class at my school one time. Oh, well, you met him? Yeah, I did.

Well, I didn't say anything to him. I was pretty nervous. Yeah, that sounds like what I would do too. He's a, he's got some, he looks, he's a real just hulking, just big, beautiful, individual, just great calves. Yeah, great calves. Great calves, good calves.

He's really just gonna all over great, I would say. Yeah, he's an elf, he's a very beautiful man. Slender except for his giant calves. And then you guys also see a carriage of, you see donkeys leading a carriage of Crickles and you see the the one guy's looking okay. Nancy carriage. The one guy who's kind of driving the carriage he looks okay but there are some sick Crickles in the back. You hear coughing. Sick. Oh. How am I? My people, my people.

And I just rush over. Moonshine. Hey. Oh, boy. You recognize this as being one of your cousins, cooter. Cooter. Cooter. Doesn't Moonshine how you doing?

What you doing out of here so far from the creek? Oh, you know me. I've been wandering around. You haven't been wandering around. You haven't been wandering around. You haven't been wandering around. You haven't been wandering around. You haven't been wandering around. You haven't been wandering around. You I've been wandering around. Me, I've been wandering around. I'm not despatch me, but what are you doing all? You see, he's, and also where did you get this carriage? It is stunning.

You mean me all sprung for a good carriage and some of them good doggies? These doggies are will behave. I haven't seen them kick you was. They instantly kick them once. Out, well, you know what? We're kind of jinxed there, didn't you? So why that's on mud, chill.

You see, he scratches at big giant black scabs on his neck. Can I do a roll? Yeah, go for medicine. Yeah. That's a seven, and then my medicine is plus three. So that's 10. It doesn't look like a regular wound.

It looks like he has some kind of disease or something. Hmm. Cudert, you've been eating the wrong piece of the crawfish. No, actually, no, we got the Crick-Rot. Crick-Rot? Yeah, we got the Crick-Rot. We all got the Crick-Rot. Do I know what this is?

Have I experienced this or is this new? This is new. What in Malor's name is Crick-Rot? Well, you know, some of us, particularly the ones that live closer to the Crick, because you know I got that Crick-Rot. Well, you know, some of us, particularly the ones that leave closer to the creek, because you know I got that, that crick-side stump. We got that crick-front, yeah, crick-front stump.

I got that crick-front stump. When you moved in there, I thought, I'm never gonna talk to Cuderd again. You know me, I got hospitality. Do you guys want any food? Do you see he coughs and he hacks up some black flam, and then he hands you guys some bread? We ain't, we ain't already, we ain't. Cooder, Cooder, I'm so sorry I got

distracted. What is crick-rott? So you know that's something I ain't rotten the crick right? That's something in the midst. Well a bunch of us have been getting sick. Mimaw bought us his wagon. I've been taking the sicker folks up to Galatoron. They got a hot priest up there named Merrick Highhill and Beverly you would know Merrick Highhill is being the like a nice old priest who is a friend of your fathers and is going to be the next high septum. I've seen him at cookouts. You've seen him. Yes. Yeah so we went up to the hot priest in go later on and he can heal it a little bit He can kind of stop the effects because you start acting real crazy when you get the crick-a-out all the way

Oh, no walk me through it. What's been happening? Well, has it claimed the lives and spirits of any of our kin? So you know Billy Ray? Of course not nobody ever Ray. You know, I think both of our... There are cousin nephew. That's our cousin nephew. Billy Ray is the most I've ever seen. He's here for a long time. Is this named Billy Ray Siben? Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I thought you were talking about a different Billy Ray. I know, no. I'm talking about Billy Ray. The Billy Ray. Okay. He's different family. Billy Ray.

Billy Ray sobbing. He got the Crick Rock real bad. First case of Crick Rock we saw, he got these scabs, then it basically made his skin gray, and then he started going crazy in a chicken grade or gray. Gray. So his skin gone gray.

His skin gone gray and he started attacking people. Oh, Laura, that's the last thing we need is Cricks turning on Cricks. I know, you know something may ride at the the last thing we need is cricks, turning on cricks. I know. You know, something may rot at the crick. We got to figure out what's going on before it's too late. Okay, well, that's what we're on our way to do. Yeah, we are on route two go later on.

So, you know, why don't we just give you some safe passage? Have you had any troubles on these routes? We're going back to the crick from go later on. Oh, so you're the healed version. Yeah, this is us healed. Oh, you're doing the good? Yeah. It looked awesome.

Well, I mean, by this time, Billy Ray Sibon was already a full-on gray dude who was attacking people. So me just having these scabs and coughing up this weird black gunk, I mean, that's pretty good, you know? Right, right. You want to go back to the creek where you got the creeper. I mean, that's pretty good, you know? Or even if you want to go back to the crick, where you got the crick,

you know, that's my home. And Mimo relies on me to take these sicker folks, and they're sick, but they ain't getting sicker because every once in a while we go up to the hop, or even- Okay, so if you head back to the crick, y'all aren't gonna just turn gray immediately, you've got the time.

We got a wild. If you're at a place that's even just a little bit of ways, aside from the creek front stump. I know I recently sold my creek front stump. Nice, I want a good price. 200 copper. Oh, that's a bad price. Yeah.

I know it was a steal. I bought it at 100 copper, sold it. Mostly we tried blades of grass so that's impressive. I actually can I take a sample of some of the gunk that got coughed up and put it in a sample vial. You can ask him to spit in a cup for you. He would say, I'm going to pick up one of the scabs. You want one of my scabs here? I know. I know. I just a rich a little bit, because that... Oh, I'm just gonna go back to the armor.

He starts vomiting. I cover my mouth with my handkerchief. He just hocks, he hocks a lugi in a jar for you. I know a lot of medical magic students. I don't know if faith healing isn't doing the full trick. Maybe I could bring this back to the Institute and see if they might, I've never seen anything like this in any of the survey courses. Tonithin, as you look at it in the jar, you see that the chunk is like moving a little

bit. Gross. Neat. Well, we better begin back to the trick. I cover it with a rag. Can I? This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age

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To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-off or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off like offer a prayer for their journey. Sure. Cool. Just I want to like pray to Perlora and like and I have pillars like guide them on their journey to certain doom. Oh thank thank you so much. As I'm doing this I'm taking my

merit badge sash and I'm covering my mouth and nose with it and praying through the sash. I could not hear a word you said but I'm sure they're just as nice you know. And before you before you all depart I had a morning meander and with my herbalism kit and I'm just gonna give you all this and I push all the dry leaves Bring it back to the creek and distribute I mean all the leaves been drying up at the crick so it's not to have some wet leaves and these are wet. These are very wet. Is that good? I love wet leaves. I love a wet leave. You would imagine. I

love a wet leave. I love a dirt blanket. I love. All right well good see any moonshine. Farewell. Godspeed. Yeah tell Ma said, I was asking for. Are those, were those people real or did I get another concussion? Yeah, they, they go off in their carriages. Oh, Malora, things are worse than I even thought. Yeah, we gotta get to this beast. Locked at the creek.

Yeah. So after you guys travel for a few days, you guys start to get close to Glateron. You see that the road is a lot more crowded now. You can see the city in the distance. It's this grand city built around a mountain, the top of which is lost in the clouds. You also see various zeppelins and airships passing overhead, making their way to and from the city. By the time you guys are about 40 or 50 miles outside the city, you see the Galator on Glades, which is the forest to the west of the city.

You see, when you look at the forest, you see deep into the distance that there is the top of a watch tower peaking out over the trees. So you guys are at the... Where is your magical beast? Just a beast, a being, some entity, and he's in a watchtower, and that looks like a watchtower

up there, so probably that direction. I think, yeah, I think we've got time. Let's just make sure that nobody sees me, because I feel like my dad wouldn't like it if he found me just roaming around in the woods with, well, with my new friends. I cast Pass without Trace on us all. Great.

Cool. I had a brother at least. Yeah. So you guys, you guys sneak off into the woods. We just raise a lot of questions. I don't know if I introduced you to my familiar Barnaby. He's a Barn Owl. Oh.

And how are you hiding that thing? He was just flying, flying overhead probably. You didn't notice. But I've got that. And so he can scout ahead for us if he want. He's got pretty good vision. And I can see through his eyes every so often. Thank you. Thanks a lot. I wish my family felt the same way. You don't get that tinkal respect. No, I haven't been published because all of my feces rely so much on speculation and revolve around the legendary

heroes, and that's not really what the Institute specializes in. So I'm hoping maybe this watchman can give us some, give me a little bit more credibility. All right. I try to pet the owl. It's flying super high. I'll have him come down if you guys want to interact.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, can I, I want to give him a treat. Oh yeah, Barnaby loves treats. I give him some, some Ritz bits. He eats some Ritz bits. Farewell Barnaby. He eats some Ritz bits. Okay. Farewell, Barnaby. He climbs off. On a full stomach, you range. So would you like to send Barnaby to Scout ahead?

Yeah, and so like as an action, I can see what Barnaby sees. Okay, cool. So I think I'm like sort of toggling back and forth between making sure I'm not tripping over stuff and also like, talking to me. Tarantan, peep peep. So yeah, it's me. You guys are going through the forest.

You can see, it looks like that tip of that watch tower is pretty far in. So you guys go for miles and miles. And you see as Barnaby, that as Barnaby starts to get close to the tower, that it disappears. And that it just looks like the same patch of forest. Guys, all good? We get.

So weird thing, the tower doesn't seem to be real or there's some sort of spell on it that makes it disappear when you get close to it. Huh. Cause Barnaby's pretty close to it and it's not there when he looks at it. Have him try to fly directly into it. Oh, okay. I trust you.

Sounds like a good idea. Barnaby backs up and tries to suicide dive into the tower, but nothing's there. As soon as he gets close to it, it just looks like the same patch. But far to be able to kind of locate where it switches from being able to see the watch tower. So you guys are at the point in the forest where the watch tower kind of should be,

but it just looks like the same old forest. I feel like now might be a time to try and detect magic. Go for it. Okay. Finally. Did I do a roll? Nope. You just cast a tech magic?

I cast a tech magic. And I concentrate very hard. You have detected magic. Yay! Yay! Yay! Come here, baby! Come here!

I'm gonna follow up with a fairy fire. Can I? Wait, I want to describe what I do when I detect magic? Okay. I prostrate myself and just sniff the ground. It's so hard. You. You.

You. You. You smell. You smell an illusion. Are there any trees that look gnarled in a specific way? Any odd looking burls? What about, yeah, or any rats? Are there any rats around?

There are squirrels and other animals. I want to find the most intelligent squirrel I can find. Okay, conduct a fucking interview. You find a squirrel that is organizing his acorns in a very intelligent way. He can tell he's doing it by size. I guess. It's like a subot, school.

I guess speak with animals on him. How? What? What? What? It's like a siv. So I'm here to inquire about the magic tower, the tower. That's here, but it's not here. Big building disappears sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes it's gone. Sometimes it's there. Yep. Same page. Same, honestly, same paragraph on the same page. Yeah. So where is it? So it's just there sometimes and sometimes it's not and people come and they make pretty colors and then the little village appears and you see all the big the big guys are walking around. They're farming and they're making things grow and they're near the tower that's

there and sometimes it's there and sometimes it's gone. But sometimes a big man will just come out and he just walks out and he'll grab something like some sticks or something and then he walks back in and it disappears. A big man. He's interesting. A big man. Tell me more about this big man. They're just big.

They're bigger than zero. They're bigger than he points to moonshine. He points to Beverly. He points to Tana then and he points to Hardwan. They're bigger than zero. Oh, hard one. They just said they're bigger. Okay.

So you're one of the biggest people I've ever seen. Yeah, okay. Well, that's good information. I guess maybe we can just stake out and wait for it. Luckily, I bought some playing cards, so we've got something to do while we wait. All right. All right. Thank you. Can you ask him where exactly they come out from? Where exactly does he come out from?

It's one of them if they can't run to her. All right. Can you point us in direction of a nice little area with good cover that we could go. Oh, I could so zoo. You're asking me how much of my house and you see he just climbed in a tree and a hole. Come on gang, don't think I'm gonna fit. I try. That's not true. If I was me over at a truck. You just start kicking him out through the stop. Nevermind. I rescind the invitation. Squirrel, I would like to give you a gift point to the the best acorn in the forest

If I found the best acorn I wouldn't be here right guys I want to scramble up in a tree and get an acorn form that he can't reach cool you go up You find him an acorn. He's extremely touched Cool you go up you find him in a corn he's extremely touched And in his fits to grab it from you he does bite you on the finger quite hard Okay, sorry. I'm excited. This is a great All right, well, I think that you have served your purpose. Yeah, so you know got speed I'm gonna go in my hole or a speed Okay, I'm also allergic to squirrels.

That looks pretty gnarly. Yeah. So I guess we just gotta set up camp and stake out and try to buy. But I need to remain hidden as well. So as you guys are talking, you just see this big giant over seven foot tall Goliath in a robe just appears out of nowhere

walking out from the illusion and just starts like fixing a big stick. Like, snaps off a small tree to make into like a staff. He starts to put it over his neck and he starts to walk back towards the illusion. Does he notice us? And he's not saying anything to you guys. Three.

Can I cast infestation on the stick? Infestation on it? Yeah. What does that do? It's a can trip. I basically just want, it technically does damage to him, but it's only a very little bit. I just want ants to start coming out of the stick.

So just start coming out of the thing, and then he looks over at you guys. And he's like, hello. Hi. Hey, y'all. Hey, you ever problem with the budget ants? That was crazy. The ants had been crazy in this clay.

This is something that's Australian is clay. What I might say. You guys, you guys see he's wearing this dark orange robe. His skin is like this very very pale white. He's got blue and brown like tribal markings running running down his face and his body, but he just looks at you guys just kind of solemnly. He pulls out a little pouch and he walks over to you guys and he hands you each a berry.

And then he just looks at you. Uh, thank you. I hand him a crawfish. He looks at the crawfish. I said him a crawfish. He looks at the crawfish. I said bite for a bite. He starts eating the crawfish. Rock-bart first. I'm a first one.

Can we like, she's eating the berry. You should eat the berry. As you go to eat the berry, he stops you. Since you put bugs in my stick, I thought you were assholes, so I gave you this berry, it was gonna make you throw up. Since you gave me the crawfish. Truthfully, I'm gonna lay it out clean for you. I wanted to approach you, I got shy, so I put bugs in your stick.

Okay, I'll say fair trade for the crawfish. No, I'm gonna go find a good stick and I'm gonna go back to my home. Hard one breaks off as dick. I got one for you. Oh, it's a good stick. Only problem is that stick comes with all for us. Can we come? You see, he starts to get nervous and he starts rubbing his knees.

Technically, I'm supposed to take a vow of silence and only the ambassador to the outside world is supposed to talk to people So if I let you guys in Can you guys just say that you like dispel magic and got in on your own and I didn't talk to you and you guys didn't say anything You got just went to the temple on your own. Yeah, we're real smart cool wizard. We know what's up Yeah, what's your name buddy? My name is rogo great, so you wouldn't been able to tell us that Yeah, so we should not refer to him. So if you have Spacus in any way, I'm gonna tell everybody your name's Rogo.

This is rude. Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah. I just gotta protect my people here. That is aggressive, that is aggressive. I break off a third stick. I'm just a black male, but for two sticks at a crawfish, this is a literal olive branch.

Under his giant wingspan, he puts his arms over all four of you, leads you guys in through the illusion, and suddenly you see a waterfall, and you see a big clearing. There's this giant watch tower with vines growing around it that shoots up above all the trees. There's a waterfall that provides water for a little pond that goes down to a little stream. You see a bunch of cottages, but the only landmark besides the watch tower is this big temple.

It's made out of wood, but there are gold trimmings atop the temple where the architecture comes to a point. There are three big golden eyes to symbolize a third eye or like enlightenment. As far as people, you see a few dozen monks, there are these other goliaths, these big hulking figures between seven and eight feet tall. They all have the brown and blue tribal markings.

The only thing you can hear is the waterfall. All of the other monks are quietly going about their business, just fetching water, planting flowers in the gardens, and no one is speaking. So did you see as soon as you guys walk in, another goliath walks up to you guys and offers you guys the berries. We're good. No thank you. One easy. I take one. I want to be in polite. I take one. I give I give him one of the the marshmallows from early. Oh you give him a smore. Yeah he just gives you the thumbs out.

I take the bear and I pretend to take it, but throw it over my shoulder. Okay, this is a real prank, sponsor here. Yeah. So we're just in a big valley full of strong monks. I've never felt small in my entire life. Oh yeah. You went from being in a mountain full of dwarves

to being in a valley full of goliath. Goliath. Is this what regular people look like? Mark, do I know the sigil on the temple the third eye Do I am I do with it? Okay, do I recognize it as the as the the thing? I'm looking for watchman guys This is this is this is this is what we've been looking for is it from your watchman graphic novel? Yeah Not the watchman but watchman. Oh wait. No watchman is the original graphic novel hours is the watchman the watchman is it the watchman or the watchman The watchman is just one. It's just one man who watches the watch man. Yeah

These monks probably That makes sense. Okay. Yeah, should we go try to meet this guy? Yeah, June What do you know about this man? Like do we need to be preparing ourselves in any way? Oh well? I mean is very secretive, couched in mystery and legend, and based on what our friend just told us, none of them talk, except for whoever the ambassador to the outside world is.

So I guess we want to find that person, probably. But I imagine he'd probably be. You see the big guy that you guys just met outside, pats you on the shoulder and points to the temple. Thank you. Great, thanks. Cool. And that's awesome.

As we're walking over there, is the vegetation of this area, it's very lush, right? Yes. OK. As a junior, green item, I'm just kind of like wondering if the vegetation is different than what I'm used to, if there's anything magical about it. No, just nice little gardens, just pleasant little flowers.

Well then I just breathe it in baby. Breathe in that fresh brown. Any mushrooms. Any mushrooms. There aren't any mushrooms in their gardens because they cut them out. Oh, that really is. That really is.

We see one getting rid of some mushrooms, just cutting them off and throwing them away. Hey, wait, hold on, that's precious cargo. I was goofing up. The coliath looks up at you and offers you a berry. I can pretend to take it again. They wait, they wait, expectantly for you to throw up and when you don't, you just look disapointed and just goes back to what you're doing.

I do all, this is not hospitality. Try to make your guess throw up. I am getting turned off by this place I'm gonna hold on to my berry though. I just like I feel like how many I've got like you got you got to have like three vomit I'm gonna hold up and I'm gonna throw them over my shoulder I only have one yeah, much as well I think I still have the spider straw berry egg from Dutel's lab

So I'm I'm rolling a berry. Let's not go. It's not gonna be easy Let's knock on the door. Yes, cool. So you guys go up to the temple. There is no door. Should we pretend to be a traveling band? If we need to, we can always go. Okay.

It's a good fallback. Yeah, do you, hard ones, do you need an instrument if we pretend to be a drag? No, no, no, I'll figure something out on the day. We got the blood of wood. I know, but we didn't see. You don't know that. Oh, right, right, right. You something out on the day. We got the ball in the wood. I know, but we didn't see. You don't know that. Oh, right, right, right.

You guys are a tree. We're not a quartet yet. Yeah. We are, I like that we're literally becoming a band of boobs. That's true. That's true. Okay, yeah, let's walk over. So you guys walk in, the temple is open air,

or at least the entrance is. There's no dorsches. This is huge entrance. There's this one big main room. Lanterns hang down from the top of the tall ceiling from long ropes. Across the main back wall is a mural. It shows the image of one being with three eyes, a top a tower, and about 20 other spirits in bubbles circling the outside of the painting. There are gold candelabras with candles burning and an altar with gold trimmings. And you see one very big monk,

taller than the other people, he's like eight foot five. He is facing the painting and meditating and he is completely nude. Now that's how you worship. Wow, wow, wow. I take my clothes off and go meditate next to you. Ah! Ah! Munchai enjoys go meditate next to him. Ah! Ah!

Munchai enjoys him since next to him. Oh, God, there he goes. He goes. I'm holding her overalls with Papa on them. He doesn't. He doesn't look at you. He keeps staring forward. You can see from his side profile that he has his markings.

He has a tattoo in the middle of his head to look like a third eye. But he keeps his eyes closed and he says, What is it that you seek? I seek the watch man. You see he nods. He reaches into a little brown pouch that's in front of him. He pulls out a berry in the house. He says, eat this berry and you shall see him. I say, I know what this is going to make me do. And yet, I am so devoted, I will do it. And this time I actually eat the berry. And you barf

everywhere. And he starts laughing and he goes goes Well, I thought you'd either fall forward or you wouldn't I wasn't thinking you just eat it. That's bad ass That's awesome and he turns around just this big giant nude guy And he says oh, so you guys so you guys are here to see the watchman, huh? Yeah, we only get naked and birth. Oh, no, nobody you guys are here to see the watchman, huh? Yeah, we only take it naked and birth. Oh, no, nobody, you know what? We're all kind of naked in the eyes of the watchman because he does see all, so I figure, let it hang out. True that.

Yeah. Hi guys, do you want your overalls back? Are you good? I'm gonna wait for this vomit to evaporate a little bit, so I'm getting them overalls. You know, I should have made you vomit, maybe not near the altar. This was a little sacrilegious on my part, but. I start cleaning it up.

Oh, thank you so much. You guys are a good little gang here. What's up, guys? I'm Uku. I am the ambassador to the outside world for the watchman. How's it going, Uku? I'm hard one. Hi, I'm Tonathon.

I've traveled long and far to get here. And I just, I've got, oh, I've got so many questions. We're just a little guy, huh? You see, he picks you up and he just starts throwing you around. Oh, I've just got to get this guy. He's got you like a bouncing baby. He's just throwing you up and catching you. It's crazy, because he's just throwing.

Well, everybody's throwing up. This is disgusting. It's pretty gross because he's... Wow, everybody's throwing up. This is disgusting. It's pretty gross. I'm running out of rags. I cast pressurization to make it smell like lemons. Wow, you guys are great. You gotta turn my nose out. Oh, it's that terrible smell.

You're not what I expected. They're really toiled, by the way. Would you like us some more? Absolutely. I give them a small. He eats the small right there, and he just wipes his sticky marshmallow hands on his thighs because his nude. He has no clothes to do it on. For someone who distributes poison berries. I'm surprised. I'm surprised that you would so willingly eat the smore.

Oh wait, is this a prank? Is this a prank? I suck a very into it. I see it. I do like pranks, but you know, third eye, he points his tattoo. I don't think anybody's pranking me. Ha, he who cannot be pranked. Gosh, I wish I knew you in middle school. So I make another sworn, give it to him. Oh, I'm not following for this. Melora be damned.

So you came here to see the knowledge of the Watchmen, right? Yeah, yeah. Could I just give you a towel or something to wear? Um, no. Okay. Guys were all nude in the eyes of the Watchmen. He sees all. But you're just like, I'm like, waste level.

Mujan is also nude. It's right in the eye. It's not in the eye or like waste level. And that's just not... I mean, you know what? You know people are different sizes. We've got to be with each other. Except everyone. Let's just accept everyone for the rest of the night are like waste level and that's just not I mean you know what you know people are different sizes. We got to be respect to everyone. Let's just accept everyone for who they are. Okay. Why not? Okay. So anyway guys, so the watchman is dangerous. Okay, because you can see everything. So he'll tell you the truth,

but he doesn't care what you do with it. Right, but I do. okay? I watch the Watchmen. Nice. I ensure that only those with good intentions can seek his knowledge. Okay? Fair enough. Absolutely. So in order to seek the knowledge of the Watchmen, you gotta pass a few of our deadly trials

to prove that you are worthy. Then I'll let you climb the tower and meet the Watchmen and you can each ask him a question. Is that sound good? Let's talk about it as a group. It sounds fine to me deadly trials I just heard trials. Okay. I heard tests when we sighted we need to make sure that you're great Because any second that the watchman is is wasting talking to somebody he can't keep his eyes on the world You know and he's a god, so oh Wow and he can see everybody his eyes on the world, you know, and he's a god, so. Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. And he can see everybody nude, right? Everybody's nude. Well, I mean, he just sees everything. So he sees like, if you're just in your room, getting a shot like a pervert. He has seen your dick. Okay, that's what I was getting at.

Well, he's kind of, I mean, I wouldn't call him a perv, but he's curious for sure. He's a pervator. He was a god. He sounds like a warrior. Yeah, so you see this painting here? He shows you guys the painting. Yeah.

With this one three-eyed guy in the middle and all of these other spirits and bubbles. He points to the bubbles. He says, these are the other gods. So the watchman and a bunch of other primordial beings, you know, Polo or Nazmodius and such, created the realm. And at one time, they also lived here, but they disagreed on how to run stuff. you know, Polo or Nazmodius in such created the realm.

And at one time, they also lived here, but they disagreed on how to run stuff. So they destroyed the world and all the mortals were killed. But then they rebuilt it and all the gods decided that they were gonna go off to their own planes to kind of make it fair. And now the only way they influenced the world

is through the powers that they give their worshippers Except for the watchman. He liked the mortal realm so much that he gave up a lot of his powers Just so he could stay on the mortal plane and watch so All powerful god guy who kind of just sits around watching everything, but he doesn't know doesn't do much I'm just I'm just furiously taking notes I can I quote you on all of this? I, some primary source material is gonna be great for my thesis.

Yeah, sure, why not? Can we, all right, so these trials, how many rules are there? Rules? There are no rules. Oh, just right. It's just, you just gotta fight some stuff and figure some stuff out.

That sounds like Arcada, that sounds like Arcada too. I'm not afraid of a deathly trial. Yeah, cool with me. Can we go together? Of course you can all go together. Wow, right. I'll lead us in the way. I'll do whatever I need to get.

I'm so lucky I found you guys. All right, crew, let's go do the trials. That's her now, Jonathan. Oh my gosh. Jonathan, I feel like, I feel like, in another world, you came and did these deathly trials on your own, and that makes me feel nervous. Yeah, me too.

Yeah, me too. Oh, are you, are you Jonathan, this little guy? Yeah, this little guy. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, ohles you guys to a door at the end of the hall. And he says, so there are three stages to the trial. First one is in here. Once you pass, you'll be able to move on to the next room and the next stage.

I'll watch, but I'm not gonna help. If you guys fail, tell you what, I'll bury your guys' bodies in a prime spot. What do you say? Right by the waterfall. What do you say, gang? Right by the waterfall. Thanks, dude. Yeah, I would say, I would say bury me

in the mushroom garden that you cultivate in my death. Ooh, we don't, we usually cut out the mushrooms, but. I know, I saw. Okay. It's a genocide, what you're doing. Wow, that's hyperbole. You're like, what do we get into the trials, huh? So he opens the door.

You guys see this first room, he takes you in a large room. There's a red carpet. The walls have a different version of the mural. You guys saw it in the main room. This one is of all of the gods at war, and it spans across all four of the walls. There is a big treasure chest in the middle of the room with a lit candle hovering above it.

You guys also see another door at the back end of the room. And you see Uku just walks over to the door, and he sits down next to it, and he says, all right, dang, figure it out. This is like an escape room. Oh, yeah, I've done some of these back and glater on. Ah, hard one's just gonna go over and try the door next to the, yeah.

It's locked, believe it or not. Can I use Chill Touch to out the candle? Yeah. So I use my Chill Touch can trip and then, you just suffococate the candle. Cool. It goes out. Should we try to open this chest? Does anything change in the room?

Are there any glow in the dark? It's darker. Okay. So nothing's glowing in the dark. Nothing's going in the dark. I'm going to cast Mage Hand and send that out to try and open the chest. Oh, that's a good call. We'll keep in a safe distance. Yeah. You open the chest. Oh, that's a good call. We'll keep in a safe distance. Yeah, you open the chest and nothing happens. Do you want to investigate the chest?

Now that the chest is open, I want to relight the candle. Yeah, I'm into that. You like the candle, a fire elemental bursts out of the head of the chest. Everyone's a bloodthirsty candle. That was a the kid, I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid.

I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid.

I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid.

I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. I bought the kid. Did you get, Beth? 12. Gotta be honest, guys, I did not stock battle spills as much as mine's five, sorry. Okay, so, Beth, you are actually first. Everyone is terribly including the fire elemental. I don't know how, is it like solid? Would I be able to strike it with a sword? Your sword is not magical, so it has resistance. It would take half damage. What if I did a divine smite?

That you would take the full 2D8s for a divine smite? Okay, yeah, I'm not gonna waste any time. I'm just gonna divine smite this thing right off the bat. Go. Take a swing and see if you hit first. It's a 4 plus a tech 6. So 10. That does not hit. Oh boy.

You swing and the fire elemental scoots out of the way. That's a ton of thin. It's me. Okay, I've prepared for this. Uh, my first real combat outside of the Institute, uh, I can do this. I cast Bless, choose up to three creatures of my choice within range, and whenever they make an attack roll or a saving throw before the spell ends, they can add a D for, uh, to the roll.

And so I just, I just touch you guys and I say you guys you guys got this thanks ton of okay so that was your that was your action was to okay cool it's to it's to help I want to bless this that's a good thing I think for the rolls at a D4 to attack roll yeah for for the next minute as ton of does that nice thing, this whirling ball of inferno flies at him. Ugh! Attempts to slam him. Oh no! 11 to hit.

What's your AC? My AC is 18. Oh, that's a good AC. Get it away. Thank you. Oh yeah, because you're multi-class with a cleric, right? Yes. Okay, so you have to wear heavy armor and a shield.

16. He does not hit you on that one either, you see ton of them After blessing you guys this little gnome suddenly pulls out the shield and Expertly blocks this fire as it comes down like a oh it almost looks like a dragon's breath going down to a night as he like Bravely blocks that is that was all a fire That's you hard one. Okay That's an 11 11 total Oh, okay, all right, so as long as you don't roll a one, you'll hit. I rolled a two. Okay, I really hit with all of the help from Tana. He do have a magic ax. He'll do full damage. That is 11. You swing into this being of fire.

There's this burst of energy as it hits, and you see for a second the fire comes apart, but then kind of starts to reform. That is moonshine. I would like to hawk a lugie into my hand and then cast shape water on it to turn it into ice. For flavor, if you would like to do as much damage as your normal cimitar, but you're throwing like spit water at him.

Yeah. I will allow that. Okay. You're using a spit water sword? Yeah. Okay, just do like a Simitar attack. Okay. You can also do fungal entity or whatever else.

We all have like, canteens full of water on us, right? It's not going to do much damage. Right. He's not a, you know, he's not a campfire. I would know a campfire. He doesn't. He doesn't want to. 11 doesn't want to. Okay, well then I also turn into a fungal queen. I might as well campfire. He doesn't. He doesn't want to hit him, right? 11 doesn't want to.

Well, then I also turn into a fungal queen. I might as well just stay as this bitch for a while. Yeah. Does it take an action to wild shape? Yes, it does. You can't turn off a princess. All right, well, I fucking spores him. He has damage immunity to poison and his poison damage, right?

Yeah. Okay, he doesn't take it. You spit it into him and you see the spores just get burnt up and flimsy. Go, dang it. I picked the wall on piss. That's you, Bev. A monster that's immune to Emily's spores. This is not gonna go well.

Ha. All right, well, I'm gonna go ahead and cast Shield of Faith on Moonshine. Okay. Thank you. And then I want to, I want to try something. Okay, what do you want to do? I'm going to use Command. Okay.

You speak a one word command, a creature you can see within range. The target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or follow the command on its next turn. Okay. So do I just do that and you make a roll? Yep. Okay, cool. He rolled a 16.

Darn. So he ignores your command. Tonic, you're up. Oh, Tonic. Here's Tonic! Ah! It's me! You got this, bud? I'll cast Ray of Frost!

Do it! Yeah! That's gonna be much better than what we did. I rolled a natural one! That is unnatural! Don't you have the... I do have my portent. Use your portent!

Okay, I'm gonna change that to an 11, and then add my plus six. Failure attack modifier, that hits. Okay, so roll your damage. Okay, good memory. So he takes four damage and is 10 feet slower. Oh, okay, yeah, so he moves a little slower. So you see the flames slow down a bit.

That's surprising. Cool, that is him. He is gonna charge for Tonethin again. He's so mad at him for slowing him down. Tonethin, no! Definitely gonna hit that time. That's a 22 to hit. Don't let your scrolls get burned. I haven't read those yet. I have a spell that I can cast as a reaction. That will increase my armor by five. Oh, that would just get you out, right? Yeah, so I'd like to do that.

Perfect, so that takes your AC up to what? Yeah, so I'd like to do that perfect So that takes your AC up to what 23. Yeah, okay. He misses you And he'll take another swing And he hits this time. Oh damn a 26 to hit okay or 25 to hit rather all right cool, so That is going to be 10 damage and you light on fire that is going to be 10 damage and you light on fire. No, guys, guys, the water is... Stop dropping roll, stop dropping roll! You guys see Jonathan go up and flame.

I cover him with my chocolate clover. You can use that as an action if you'd like to. Yeah, I'll do it. Okay, you throw the cloak over Jonathan and pat him out as he starts to panic. There you go, take a look. There you go, Tinkle, you're a good buddy. Okay.

Moonshan, you're up. All right, can I use a bonus action before I use my action? Yep. Okay, I'm going to shaleil my quarter staff and then become a fungal entity. Okay. Cool. So, you got shaleil and your fungus queen. Yeah, and I look like, oh, y'all, hey.

Try and pick me out of your garden. Bev, you're up. Try and pick me out of your garden. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You do have a magic shield. So I'll let you do a full D6 plus your bonus damage. Yeah. Okay, so young stud. Yep. Going in there. Doesn't have a mouth, does it? It does have a mouth.

Oh, it does have a mouth. Cool. All right, one second. You got your eyes on teeth, kid. Doesn't have fiery teeth. Does not have teeth. That's a bummer. It's a bummer anything we can all agree

All right, so I got a four plus my bonus which is six Do I get the full bonus like that I would from a long story long story? Yeah, okay, so that's ten okay cool I'm a ten damage room you ram him yeah, and while I've got him I I ram him against the wall I don't I'm against the wall you're in the middle of the room. Oh, yeah, so just bump him yep you bumped up We just bump up all right, It's almost like you dab them I will say if okay since your shield is a magic item I'll let you get the full attack off But you'll need to do an acrobatics check to not catch on fire Doing acrobat check. Yeah

That'll be how we keep this not completely new tunes 15 plus acrobatics to you ram him you see some of the flames are like absorbed in the shield and you're able to back up before he can kind of grab my fire safety patch and glistening as I backflip away. That is you, Jonathan. Okay, did Beverly like move him away from me at all or? Yeah, okay, so they're actually. Great, great, great, great.

What's my owl, what's Barnaby doing? He's just, he's panicked flying around the top of the room. He's very flammable. Oh yeah, that's fair. All right, Barnaby, you keep a safe distance. All right, I guess. You could grab my simulator off my back. I think I've got a better chance of hitting with shocking grass.

I just rolled a one the last time, but maybe I'll use the purple dice. Cool. Let's see if that does any different. It will. Alright, 18. 18 hits. Okay, great. And so that's gonna-

Yeah, fuck them up. That's gonna do two damage, but it also can't take reactions, so I'm gonna use that to back up. Perfect, fuck that flame. 25 feet. That is the fire who is mad at being rammed by Beverly, and is gonna swing down on him, and miss with the first one, and swing again. And a 16 is not gonna hit you, so he misses no chance. Oh, that's a strong boy. Yeah, yeah, so that is hard one. All right, how long finish him off? I will just swing at him with the grade X and that is a 15 that hits great nice. Oh, fuck him up

That's nine nine damage. Okay. He's starting to look pretty fucked up He's much smaller is a much smaller fire elemental than he was when he started. Now I could sort of warm my hands, but- More of an Ember elemental. If you will. You still got any more of those smores? Get it? Moonshan, Moonshan, yeah. Okay, so, oh, he's completely neutralized my abilities because I can't even add my extra d6

even if I do hit him. But I'm still just gonna attack at him. Okay, go for it. Ooh. Ooh, that's gonna hit, baby. Oh, nice. Ooh, okay. Ten.

What? Ten damage, nice. Ten damage. You batted him with the club as you are able to land this stick on this ball of fire. Can I, um, instead of just whacking him, can I do like an M shape on him? Yeah, yeah, you do some fire art, some sick fire art. Oh, you're like a fire dancer. Him for, mmm, that's a good hit. He, he starts to reform around the wound, but he gets a little bit smaller. Todd or Bev, that is you. All right. Uh, hard one is giving me an idea Oh, I take some some sugar clouds, which is the glitter on brand of marshmallow from a couch

I put them onto my javelin, okay And then I do a a roasty throw ice fire that javelin right out Rolling a tag roll cool even it misses, it's gonna be delicious. Ha ha ha. Oh, go off table. Doesn't count unless it was 20. That's a seven plus six. Wait, do you get to add your defense?

Oh, 13. That's 13. You hit. That's a D6. Yeah. You hit. Okay. Oh, right, sorry.

I rolled too much. Yes, I hit. I hit. Great. Okay. Oh, you're throwing your damage. Okay, cool. And. I wrote too much. Yes. I hit I hit Okay, cool and he'll take half is that gonna be oh, that's my decent remember to add the marshmallow damage Yeah, well, we'll add March roll Oh, let's roll how to so they get that's a six plus four. Okay, so 10 so five cool, and Let me know if I can do this. It's fine if I can't I want to try and throw a berry into its open mouth

He's a ball of fire. He's a fire man It'd be puke that would maybe be more fire You can probably have a key you can roll for toastiness on your Yeah, I want to see if I got it just Chris. Yeah for a figure burned. Oh, roll here Roll for toastiness what's in 11? Maybe we could use that with that level. Oh, maybe we could use that 18-year-old. Yeah, it is what I should use it on.

It's pretty good. You throw the javelin, it goes right through the earth elemental. He takes a little bit of damage, and then the javelin just falls on the ground, and you see the well-cooked marshmallows just splat on the ground and kind of get cruddy in the jambalice. But they're still there.

They're still kabobbed. They're edible. Papa, you want a marshmallow? I've got a little papa. But the papa runs over, starts to eat in the marshmallow and immediately starts coughing. Like it doesn't understand how marshmallows go. He gets them stuck on his mouth.

He starts scrambling, trying to flop his tongue. He got the middle of a paddle. Papa, this is indecent. You are going to put on your diamond leash. Like the owl to go down and get some out of marshmallows. Tana from that's you. It's me. I the owl to go down and get the ton of them. That's you. It's me.

I'm gonna, I'm at a safe distance now, so I'm gonna ray of frost. I rolled a 15 plus six. 21. Oh yeah. Yeah that hits. That's a good wall. Let's get some more frost.

Five damage. Five damage cool. I want to do extra damage. I want to do an extra damage because he's a, it's just ice. It's just not have to Yeah, she's not have to How how much more does this thing look like it can take not much? Okay, it's not on Death's door, but it's it's it's very hurt

All right cool Turn good to know gonna keep swinging down on Beverly fire is but one of Pelor's children So he takes a swing and that's a 20 to hits. Okay. Okay. So he hits you for eight damage on the first hits. Uh-huh. And you light on fire. Oh, okay.

And he swings again and misses you as you stop dropping roll. Okay. Beverly is just on fire. So running around. Stop dropping roll. Stop dropping roll. Hard one here up.. I think I like that's how you're in that fire pad That was in that 20 Your axe gets an extra die. Yeah, you guys needed this you guys need this real bad. Don't you crit on like a 19

Yeah, crown a 19 too, so I wrote so so this is three-year-old 3D 12. I wrote 3D 12s plus six. Yep. Jesus Christ. I do the hard thing. I get to reroll ones and twos. Wow. If I don't kill him, this is gonna be embarrassing.

Yeah. So that is a, you had the six at the end, right? Yep. Oh, I got it. So that's 10. 20. 27 plus six. Don't, dope Jesus. Yeah finish him. Yes. Oh You cut fire with an axe

Yeah, how do you want fire with axe? I know you're saying good since our old a 27 can we please all puke on him? Sure, yeah I'm gonna swear to circle him all the things We're taking a berry and we're gonna throw up on this guy Can I, can I catch J. Waters all of our vomit some freeze? Yeah, sprinkle down on him He is extinguished in a ray of vomit Very good, very good

We have to all of them put vomit down Yeah, he threw it Now I'm pointing at Uku and waking Adam Very good very good. We have to all the convames down Pointing right at uku and waking Adam. There's just there's so much crawfish poop coming out Gross Don't know if it was the barrier the crawfish that did it to be honest you guys you guys finish this fire elemental He goes away the chest closes and the candle lights back up He goes away, the chest closes, and the candle lights back up. Oh, so here's what has happened so far. You guys put out the candle with the, with the chill touch.

The chest just opened, you lit the candle, a fire elemental came out. That is what's happened. So fire elemental is dead. Let's put the candle. Let's put the candle out, right? Well, yeah, so, okay, I got it. I completely fucking wasted that wild shape.

Okay, well, I'm no longer fungus queen because I would like to cast chill touch, put the fire out again. You know what we need to do? I wonder if we need the fire elemental to burn the door down or something like that. I think maybe if we had just looked inside the chest while the...

We might have solved the puzzle and could have avoided the fight. Yeah, if we looked inside the chest while the... We might have solved the puzzle and could have avoided the fight. Yeah, if we had opened the chest while the light was on, the fire element would have protected it. But when the light is out, I think that we can just open the chest without the problem. That was my original instinct.

I thought you said that the chest was empty. Was the chest empty? No, you guys lit the candle. No, we just immediately, we just immediately relit the candle. Moonshan put it out, Beverly lit it up, a fire element that's on the back. We did the equivalent of like going into the basement

and like flipping all the breakers. Yes, exactly. Wow, that was it. So let's do it again. Chill touch. Chill touch. Chill touch. Open the candle.

Actually, why don't I stay as a fungus then? We don't need chill touch. Why don't someone just blow it out? Yeah, I can do that. So you're blowing a little bit of fuel. Yeah, I'm blowing a little bit of fuel. Yeah, a little bit of fuel. Tell me exactly quickly. I have a little bit of puke. Yeah, I have a little puke. You do like a little, tell me exactly how you're putting the candle out with puke.

No, I'm just gonna hawk on it. Dry heave. Okay, so you blow it out. Yeah, okay. Just is still close, what do you do? Now we're gonna open it, right? You open it. Aer elemental pops out.

God, roll. I missed you. It's fucking crazy. Guys, roll! Okay, no! This is fucking crazy! It's fucking crazy! Guys, I think I solved it! Ugh. I think I can have the puzzle work now. That's another net one. Please tell me that this air elemental can be poisoned.

Absolutely not. Mother! So we need to put it out with our fingers. Yeah. And then open the chest. But here we are. We need to fight this air elemental. Yeah, we, and then open the chest. But here we are. We need to fight this arrow. Yeah, we need to fight an arrow element.

Why did everybody roll? Uh, eight, a one. 14. I got a, I got a seven. So, Moon Shine, you act first against this arrow elemental. Oh. I am going to just attack it. Cool.

Even though it won't take any poison damage. I definitely hit it. I got a 23. Perfect. Six. Six damage? Yeah. Okay, yeah.

You do crack this air elemental for six damage. It's magical damage because it's your chalately. So you're cool. So that takes us to the air elemental who will swing on moonshine because moonshine. Right on, come on. So he's going to use two slam attacks on you and he's probably still going to hit. That's a 22 to hit. Yeah, no, come on. So he's gonna use two slam attacks on you, and he's probably still gonna hit.

That's a 22 to hit. Yeah, that's gonna hit. He does 10 damage to you. On the first one, and he takes another swing, and he hits again. I'm sorry. Oh boy. For 21 damage.

Oh, fuck! What? Are you down? No, I'm not down. OK. I am down to seven. Oh, fuck! What? Are you down? No, I'm not down. OK. I am down to seven. OK, all right. Take a big hit.

Oh, that. That, yeah. You got a tour up by the tornado. Cool. That is Beverly. OK. I'm just still trying to wrap my head around the elementals. It's like a core.

OK. For the love of God. All right. I'm somebody killed these elementals. We help. What you get? It's 10 a core okay for the love of God. All right. Somebody killed these our mechels We help put you get it's 10 plus six. Oh you hit great. Yeah, go for it. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. All you can rest again. Fundamental, I'll let it go. That is Jonathan. Here's what I'm going to do. I was pretty impressed with how good a job hard one did at slicing up that last one. So I'm going to try and give him a boost. I'm going to cast in large reduce. Oh, yes.

I'm going to make hard one. I'm going to make hard one huge. I'm going to make hard one so tiny he can fit it to the box and find the key. Yeah. That does replace, it is another concentration spell so that replaces the bless, but it means that you get to add an extra D4 of damage when you hit. So hard one, you're up.

So you're big. Nope. Hard ones. I've made you big. Wow, and I was already pretty big, but now I'm looking over at who cools down. I'm like, what's up? No. Wow.

You also have advantage on Athletics checks. Dope, I'm gonna give Jonathan a quick pound. That's a giant fist. This wing of the X. And that is a 22. 22 that hits. Yeah. Do your damage.

That is a- Do your damage yeah, do your damage that is So that's 12 and then I get to roll the D4 yeah, man you fuck up this Roll that one I got to reroll the one Wait a minute that's 15 what if you don't like to hit wind does it feel like slicing through frosting or something? It's called breaking wind. I'll tell you what hard one looks awesome doing through frosting or something. It's called breaking wind. I'll tell you what, hard one looks awesome and doing the beard and that.

Just blot. It's like striking out in baseball, just like feeling the wind of the ball as it goes by you. What's going on? The beard is flying over your shoulder. It's really cool. How big am I?

I was six, six before. You're, I think you're probably like 10 or 12 feet tall. Whoa. Love it. So you swing through this air elemental. It just looks like you're swinging the axe very slowly. Yeah, your size has doubled in all dimensions. Oh, double.

I'm not gonna talk. That's really quick, so you can not. Yeah. Cool. So that is moonshine. I think I'm gonna cure myself and then use your amulet. Yeah, roll it.

I'm not gonna do it. Every time someone uses the amulet, it tingles and feels real good. That's why you're always asking someone to use it. Hey, when he's my amulet cool So Jonathan Jonathan is back a little bit, but everybody else is in melee range So I'm gonna this air elemental goes into like a tornado I need you three guys to make a strength saving throw moon shine Beverly and hard one Good luck guys I believe in you. That's a 17.

16. That time is 17. 17. Okay, so you guys all pass, so you guys are not blown away, but you guys do take half of this. You guys take, I'll take seven damage. Seven damage. Okay.

Fine, but you guys, great your teeth. You take a wide stance and you stand until you find the eye of the tornado They find shelter behind my legs Everyone hangs on the hard ones beefy legs the logs have become trunks somebody on reddit called me quad god and I really find that's very good That is Beverly, okay, uh shield slam baby shield slam around to Okay, shield slam, baby, shield slam, round two. That's a 19 plus six, that's gotta hit. That hits, all right. Shield slam, baby, let's do it.

Okay, that's seven damage. Seven damage, great. You bash the air. That's it. We all look like doofuses when we're doing this because we're just kinda like swatting it air, right? You guys look like super doofuses. Okay, cool.

It looks like you're fighting nothing and getting your ass to try nothing. That's you, Jonathan. It's me. I would like to cast Magic Missile using one of my second level spell slots. That's great. It's four darts instead of three,

and each one does 1D4 plus one for damage. Cool. So that's five, another five, so 10, sweet, 15, hard one looks jealous right now. I was just super impressed. 19, 19 damage. Damn dude. Yeah you fucked this wind right up. These missiles explode in the tornado and it looks badass as hell is how it looks so metal. Wow. I didn't know I had it in me.

Hard one, you're up. That is a make him scream. What do you for that hits believe it or not? Believe it or not. Great. And that is a, so that's a 14. I get to roll the D4. Yeah.

Three. What did I say was what did I have? He said 14 plus three. 17. 17 damage. Yeah This air you could the tornado is just not it just doesn't have as much zeal As one's had late breeze. It's kind of a depressed tornado at this point You can tell this air is real messed up. It's more of a choppy gale. Yeah more of a dervish Antony tag team in right now.

Mooshan, you're up. All right, y'all, I don't have much to add in terms of damage. So I'm just gonna go over to see if there's a key in the box. That's smart. Oh, cool. Because what if there is? You walk over to the box and the box is empty. Motherfucker.

What about you shutting the box? Okay, I shut the box. You shut the box. Candle lights up again. That is the air elemental. The air elemental is going to swing at who's near? Don't open the box. I guess Beverly.

So swings at Beverly. I'm going to miss it. Misses first one. Second one, misses Beverly. We do like a ballet in the air. Yeah, now it's just a light breeze, so it just feels like a nice walk in the springtime. That's you, Bev.

I'm gonna punch you now. Great. Punch him with your shield. Oh, that's a one, but you boys lucky. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're beautiful. That's a three. Luck be a lady today.

Yeah. That's gonna be, I Luck be a lady today. That's gonna be, I guess, a nine total. Yeah, that does not happen. Probably don't do. You rush towards him with your shield and what you think is the tornado. There was just like a vent and I got tricked. Yeah.

Can I? Yeah, the air conditioner was going off and you saw some strings kind of lightly blowing. So that is Jonathan. It's me. I'll try that magic missile again because that seemed to work pretty good. Great. Very good. Okay, so that's three. Very good. That's eight now. Right? Yeah. Three plus five is eight. Okay. Plus four. two. It's not a thing, it just has an abacus out. Plus two is 14. That kills it. Yeah.

The air elementary. Oh, fuck, I know. Official member of the party. Yay. Yeah. I do, you know, I do my magical incantations. My eyes are glowing with an arcane energy. And putting everything I can into it,

I just want to look cool in front of my new friends. And I say, time, you blow hard. Can we roll to see if he farts when he does it? Yeah, Tonethin roll, an acrobatics check to see if you can pinch your butt cheeks before you let out a little too. If he succeeds, he lets out a pardon. No, he fails.

As either way. I rolled a 13 plus two. OK, you are able to hold in the far. Yes. Like, if you listen very closely, you hear like a whistle in your armor. Yeah. Yeah, and you kill this air elemental.

So the chest is now closed. Candle is lit. All right, okay Everyone stay like this stay away. Don't like the candle. I'm doing anything I'm going to use chill touch. Okay, okay Put the with my fingers you pinch it out pinch it out and then I say is everyone okay? If I open up the chest and look in yeah, it's gonna be fucking ice elemental, isn't it? Are there those such things? Well, technically,

technically, chill touch is an acrotic spichet. Yeah, so... It's an acrotic. Okay, so we're gonna have to deal with a zombie. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Open it up though. But we already did this. We opened it up and it was empty.

This really happened a little. No, it's not. We opened it up and we never looked in it. We never looked in it. I opened it up from a distance using Mage Hand. And then we never looked at the candle. And then we lit the candle. Okay, and then fuck it, I'm just gonna use my own fingers

to get rid of it. Okay, so use your fingers. So I use my own fingers. As everyone okay, I will ask for everyone's permission. Fingers feel fine. Fingers feel good. Yeah, there's no finger element. I support you, moonshine.

Open it up. Leaping through blush. Blush of our flesh, that's all I have. I support you moonshine. Oh, I'll sing it up leafing through blush of our flesh and there's a key up there Moonshine had it right right off the ball boy. Oh, Who laughs and goes oh, man? That did not go the way I thought it was you guys had it figured out right away I was like these guys are gonna blow through these trials Then you lit it and the fire elemental came. Wow. Fun stuff, fun stuff. Thanks, thanks for the fun game, Oofoo.

We are the band of boobs, but we do fuck shit up. So yeah, you guys pull out this big key. Should we take our rest in here before we add? Oh yeah, we should, yeah. Okay, just no one, no one light any candles. Oofoo, is it cool if we take a rest? Yeah, sure. I'll sleep over.

You see, he just passes out, no sleep on the ground. All right. I cover him with my sleep. He's still nude, right? He's still nude. He's still 10 feet tall. 12 feet tall. All right, for a little bit, yeah.

I want to sleep on hard ones. You can fall asleep thinking you're a forever giant. I fall asleep on his pets. It lasts a minute. Oh, yes. I'm so silly. You got to fall asleep on his pets. Yeah, it lasts, it lasts a minute. Oh, yeah. So you got to fall asleep quick. That is probably true. The hard one has never encountered this spell and just thinks this is who he is. This is permanent. I thought about the feather beard. All right. All right. So you get our, we get her spell slots 40 weeks. So you guys all take a little map on the floor here

Oh, I'm trying except for moonshine who transes with perfect pastures the only time you ever seen me with perfect Sure, you're you're a slouchy broad Cool, so yeah you guys wake up in this room I can't get everyone I can't get everyone awake at six and a half hours. My new portent predictions, three. Oh, can use that for an enemy. And 15. Pretty good.

You use that for a friend. Yes. I give moonshine my matches and say, why don't you hold onto these? Yeah, well, you know I might. Maybe you could light some of those brown leaves. You little incense. Cool. So, yeah, you guys have, you guys wake up the next morning, you guys have all of your stuff.

You are at this door and you have this key. We're ready for challenge you. Let's do it. Okay. Moonshine, will you open the door for us? Yeah, yeah, I open the door. Cool. You open the door. You enter a room with white walls and red carpet. The door closes behind you guys as you enter. Everybody entered? Yeah. Everybody's in. We have entered. Door slams behind you. You enter a room with white walls and a red carpet. There are two giant orbs on the ceiling that work almost like light bulbs. The one in the back half of the room is lit up and the one nearest to you guys in the front half of the room is off. There's a lever on the wall near you. There's also a lever on the other end of the room,

closer to the lit-up one. There's also a door on the other side of the room, okay? The lit-up orb across the room is hitting you guys, and it looks like a spotlight that's causing shadows to emerge on the wall behind you. Somebody go ahead and roll me an insight check. Oh, I could, I could guide into us all. I got a seven.

Okay, I'll cast guidance on myself. And roll insight. I got a nine. I rolled in that 20. Oh yeah, baby. You see that some fuckery is going on and that the shadows are moving slightly differently than you guys are and that they're about to do some shit.

Guys, so I will let you act first. We should is there room to like step out of the spotlight like so that it's not You would need to run. I love it. We can kill the light. Yeah, we still know which one kill the light Okay, I'm killing what are you doing? I'm casting fog cloud. Oh over over the light. Oh Oh, over the light. Oh! It uses it. Tricky, tricky, tricky shadows. Yeah, okay. So you cast fog cloud, it diffuses it, and the shadows go away.

And then let's just walk forward, right? Yeah, we got to find out which lever controls which light. But the door might just open. Yeah, let's speedrun this room. It might just be that we had to fight shadows and the fog cloud will last for... Frog cloud last for that. Okay, so you guys got fog up. You see the shadows start to disappear. What do you do? Let's go run to the door. Yeah, let's go. Rush through the door. Rush through the door. You guys rush through the door and open the door. You guys thank God you fucked up the first trial.

It's really one of that bad podcast if we got the first one in the second. Oh my God. I also, so the way the levers worked was like, if you, the one nearest you that you would think would turn the lights on and make shadows go away, turned everything off and then the shadows would get to attack you guys into the vanage arc.

But instead you just fogged it and kind of just beat my puzzle, so congratulations. Congratulations, Nathan. It's so good having a smart person on the show. It really is because me and Nathan have been in this. I have an intelligence of 18. We said at the same time, cast fog and flipped the switch.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, gone well. save time, cast fog, and flip the switch. Yeah. Yeah. What do I do? Gone well. So you guys open the door and you find yourself behind the temple in a little garden. There are little patches of white and purple flowers. You're surrounded by trees. You can hear the waterfall.

And in this garden, you see four tree stumps, each with a different dragon head on the front of the stump. There's a white, a black, a red, and a blue dragon. On the stumps. On the stumps. On top of the stump. Almost like a totem pole, just with like a face sticking out. White, blue, black, red. Yep.

Can I do like an insight check in a dragon's, what I know about each and all colors chromatic go for it? Hmm, okay, this can be 11 11 you know that generally the chromatic dragons are bad So you would think that you know they're all bad dragons. They all they're all associated with different elements I think maybe we got a although Yeah, fire is red. I believe white is ice. What would black be? Black is I believe poison like acid. Okay but do we think because I literally have an acid arrow that I could shoot at

that stump but do we think that would just strengthen them? Yeah I don't I don't know I don't know what the puzzle is here. Hmm. White blood. White blood. Does Donald represent us in some way, do they? Hmm. Who would be, I'd be black, because I'm from Iron D mountain. Right. But there's no green in your green, so that's not. Yeah, that, that, I'm very green.

Moon Shine, you're from the Crick, you all like stumps a whole bunch. Yeah, I would love to live in them. Yeah. You're nephew cousin, cooter. He live in them. Yeah Your nephew cousin cooter He's just my cousin. Sorry. Okay. There's my cousin Really Ray is my nephew cousin. It's also a bully walk that I made out with That's a different Billy Ray. That's bully Ray versus Billy right. I got anyways

Yeah, I could go try to make a home in one of these stumps. I just think it's like maybe not the answer though. If we step on them, I wonder what might happen. I wonder if they might react to our weight in some way. All right, hop on the black. Okay, okay. And you guys see, as soon as Moonshine hops on the black stump, she shoots 100 feet into the air. The log, the stump shoots up with her

and you are up 100 feet in the air. I'm on a stump. I wild shape into, oh, I can't do any flying, I don't think. You see a black dragon wormling. Oh, flying towards you. Oh, I speak with animals. I cast animal, French abanem He is a dragon not an animal

Oh, so that's different. So he starts fly you guys are still just staying on the ground What do you guys? Two You shoot up Beverly you shoot up Jonathan you stand down. No, no, I'll do what everyone else is doing. It's cool. Jonathan, it goes up and shoots up. Cool, so you guys see four dragon warmlings fly towards you guys. A white, a black, a red, and a blue one. You guys are a hundred feet in the air, and you guys are about, there's about 15 feet

between each of your stumps. Everybody roll initiative. Oh, good, I'm standing on the stump. I'm not at risk of falling. No, no, no, no. You're okay. You guys are up in the air. Oh, yeah.

That's 18. I have 19. 19. 19. Nine. Okay, so moonshine, you act first. So these four dragon wormlings are flying towards you guys. You guys are all pretty spread out.

You're about 15 feet between each one of you. OK, I'm going to cast Milfe's acid arrow on, let me cast it on the white dragon. OK, cool. Making a ranged spell attack is 15 going to hit. No, it's not going to hit. St. Shoot, it bounces off at the scale. Still takes half damage.

Still takes half damage. OK. Eight. So it takes four damage.. It bounces off at scale. Still takes half damage. Still takes half damage. Okay. Eight. So it takes four damage. Four damage. Okay, cool. So hard one you're up. I'm gonna throw my nice new throwing axe at the white dragon.

Do it up. That is a net too. Ha! You throw it and it just flies off into the woods. I'll use my second wind or no action search. Go for it. Good that one hits. That's a 25. 25 to hit. That hits. Can we roll to see if that axe hits somebody on the ground? Ow! Yeah, this completely silent community here one. Ow. Sorry. So that is a nine. Nine.

Nine damage. Cool. That is the white dragon who after getting hit with an axe, he still got the axe in him flies towards you, hard one, and he is going to unleash cold breath. So you need to make a constitution saving throw. Sweet. Can I, uh, with a bonus action grab my axe? Oh, from him as he comes by. I just rolled a 16, so can I, okay.

Yeah, sure. Okay. So you take, you take half of this damage as he hits, oh, Jesus. What? It's a chunk of your roll. Yeah, doing a lot of math back there. Okay. Okay. You take 15 damage. Okay. It's a chunky roll. Yeah, it's doing a lot of math back there. It doesn't look good for me. OK, you take 15 damage. OK. That's half. Nothing scarier than your game.

That is the red dragon who is going to go after Beverly. And he's going to let out his fire breath. Role me a dexterity saving throw. Dexterity. That's going to be a 17. 17. Yeah, you pass. Woo. All right., that's gonna be a 17. 17, yeah, you pass. Woo!

Alright, so you only take half of this, okay, which will still be a lot. Fine. Do these platforms look like they could hold more than one person, these stumps? You take 11 damage, Beverly. Okay. They could hold, like, you guys could maybe shuffle and hold, like, Beverly and you

or Tonethin and you moonshine, but you and Hard One would not fit on the same one. Blue is gonna go, he flies over and lets out some lightning breath at you, Tonethin. Go ahead and give me a dexterity saving throw. Okay. 13. and give me a dexterity saving throw. Okay. 13. That just passes. Yay! Just take half at this.

10 damage. Oh boy. These are strong dragon babies. Yeah, they're strong. And that is you, Bev. All right. Munchang gave me kind of an idea. I want to see, so what I want to try and do is,

I want to use nature's wrath to cast vines and create a bridge across all four of the platforms. How, that would be so many square feet, that would be 15 by 15. Then I'll do this instead. I'll cast the spectral vines to widen the, the platform on top of my stump. Okay.

So it's like a bigger standing area now because of the vines. Okay, roll like in our conna. Okay, check to see if you can. He is good at making knots. That's in that 20. Oh, no. Oh, that's...

Okay, yeah, very cool. You're able to... You're able to... You're able to make vines kind of grow up around the log and make the top just a little bit thicker with, you make like a little mess. Moonshine, Tonathon, come over here.

Okay. I asked that they could join me on the platform. Cool. That is going to be you. Moonshine. Tonathon. Me. Yeah, I guess I'm gonna run over to Beverly's platform.

Okay. So you need to make a jump check to jump 15 feet. I'll say it went out another three feet or so, so 12 feet. 12 foot jump. Okay, can I use my Barnaby to like take the help action to help me? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Barnaby can give you like he can try to tail Sonic. He can eventually blow it up. Barnaby onto the... Okay, that's very good.

Okay, so I get to roll with advantage. That was a four and that's a 13. uh... uh... 13? um... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... uh... Good lord Moonshine you can be very fucking careful. Okay, Jonathan gets over to the same one

Yeah, what happens to my stump still there. Oh, oh, well, I guess maybe the dragon won't attack you anymore. We'll find out No, cool. Oh, definitely worth the risk. I guess I'm my knock. I'm my knock. I'm joining you That's fine. You sure you don't want to come over here Moonshine It's cool. Ton of that hour over here. We're yeah I don't, I haven't seen any evidence that it's a good thing. Well, it's achieved. Ton of that almost died. Cool. So, Ton of that's your turn. That is the black dragon who is going to swoop in on hard one. I'm on the black stump. Are you on the blackstone? Oh, you're right.

Sorry, it goes after moonshine. Okay. That would have been very disheartening. Moonshine, Rola, Dex, Sardee, saving throw. He's automatically hit, so he has time to do a... Correct. God damn. They don't get infinite breath, though.

They need to re-roll to get them back. I want to know more about Mel. 10. 10, that fails. See you, 10. I'm down, I'm 100% down. Uh-oh. I know.

After this. Didn't you? Well, yeah, you got a- Take 23, down. Okay, I'm standing. You're okay. Moonshine, Moonshine is looking rough. Here's the thing, guys, the way dragons work,

I gotta re-roll to see if they get back their breath. So that's gonna be the hardest turn unless I roll spectacularly well. That should be the hardest turn. That is you Moonshine. I'm gonna try to Melph's acid arrow, uh, the white dragon again. Cool. Not 20, baby! Oh, yeah!

Melph, Melph, Melph, Melph, Melph, Melph, Melph, Melph, Melph, Melph, Melph, Melph, Melph. Hi, I'm Melph and I got a real stinky arrow. Melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, melt, them again. Critical magic. Critical magic. Critical magic. Nice. Yeah, that's a critical magic. Critical. Let's get. Let's get. That's going to be 19. 19. And then but then also his next turn, he immediately takes 2d4 or would that be? Guess what, him. Finish him. Yeah. Go to my dragon. So this is Mel's acid arrow. So I hawk a lugi into my hand and then shape the lugi to be like an arrow. And then, or more like a slingshot, a pointy slingshot. And then I slingshot my now solid arrow

straight into the bosom of this baby dragon. Oh, you, the arrow hits him just so. And like in the Hobbit films, not in the book, I used to play this little dragon. And then am I within range to Halo of Spores, another dragon? No. Okay, no. I didn't think so.

Okay, so the white dragon goes down. Hard one. You are on the stump with the white dragon. Oh no. Your log, your stump starts shooting down. Hard one. Jump over. Shit. I'm gonna jump over. Alright, you need that. You'll do that on your turn. But you notice that you start to lower. That's actually as you hard one. Oh wait, I use my bon- I didn't use my bonus action I want to look at the little medallion Get some medallion get some get some health back go for it cool show me the down Okay, it is it is your turn you can you can choose to just go down with the stump or you can do a DC 15 Like athletics or acrobatics check whatever you want, two gets to another stump.

If you go to Beverly Stump, he has made a nest with that Nat 20, I gotta allow that bullshit. So he's got a little nest there, you guys will all be okay. You can't fit on moonshine, so you actually have to jump. Hard enough to come to my nest. So, but if I jump and fail, I fall 100 feet and die. You don't necessarily die, you will take up to 60 damage.

You'll take 10-D-6 of damage. I'm gonna jump. Yeah. Yes, that is a 21. Nice. Hard one as his stuff starts to shoot down. Hard one launches himself over to the vine nest. You guys have a cozy little three person. I'm launching himself over to the vine nest.

You guys have a cozy little three person. Cheachy, just three birds in a nest. The three cookie birds. Man, it feels fun. That's the white dragon's turn. Who is dead? Ha ha! Did his body fall from the sky? Oh yeah.

Not anyone. Did anyone? No, it actually, so he fall from the sky? Oh yeah, not anyone. No, it actually, so he fell from the sky and you see him kind of disappear with like an arcane sparkle. Then the face on the side of hard one stump lights back up and turns white and shoots down. Cool, and as I jump, can I use both of my throwing axes

to sort of like bury them into these Uh sides of the other stump and yeah Of course, yeah, yeah, of course mountain climb up you go So you get up you lumberjack yourself back up onto the stump that is going to be the red dragon who let's see if he can get his Fireback he does guys. I'm so sorry. No, he doesn't worry. He's going to shoot all three of you guys on the one Porto oh it's a three it's a three Okay, Tony Dope okay, so he's both my portans Tony be good. He's just gonna go in and he's gonna try to bite I guess Beverly bring it and he's gonna try to bite, I guess, Beverly.

Bring it! And he hits. For... I'll bring it. Nine damage, he hits you. Oh, take it back! Oh, plus... Nine damage, plus another two.

11 damage. 11 damage, okay. Cool. Then that is going to be the blue guy, who let's see if he can get his breath back. He does not get his breath back, but he charges in and he's going to bite at hard one as hard one climbs up onto the stump. And he misses.

So he swoops in and swaps. Oh, so they can attack anyone. They don't just attack. Yeah, apparently we have to be careful with which dragon we attack because that stump goes down. So we should attack whatever dragon. Yeah, we shouldn't. Yeah Yeah, so that one Beverly's on red. You guys are on red dragon blue dragon stump is empty You guys have the blue dragon and the red dragon are up in your shit because you just beat you so you guys can make

Regular melee attacks kind of do whatever bev you're up. Okay, um, yeah, I'm just gonna regular melee at this point cool blue guy Yes, cool go for Ooh, that's a 19 plus six nice. Oh That's a seven plus six. That's 13 damage. Oh, 13 damage. Yeah Yeah, cool. Oh, cuz they're powerful, but they're not they don't have that much HP because they do a lot of damage But they're not they're not there. They're shit's little you guys are just killing babies, you know, that one They're magic babies. They're magic babies. Uh, Jonathan. You're up. It worked pretty good the last time Hard one get you to get wait. Well that that'll fuck you that'll fuck that'll fuck there's not enough room never mind

Never mind make it small make me small I can also get right the dragon now it's small. We can't favorly size All right, which dragon did you just hit? The blue dragon all right. I'm an amagic missile the blue dragon. Yeah, buddy Um, and I'll yeah, I'll use a second one I'm gonna add D&D so that I can get an extra D4 Two Nathan's addinets. That good crispy D&D crunch. Just a never-ending bar of delight.

That's a bunch of, is it tickle? Well, that's 14 damage. 14 damage. Cool. This blue dragon is looking upset and hurt. Okay. Just like you do that a bad break up. Cute baby dragon on Death's Door.

Wah! It's Uku gonna be like, you killed babies. You don't get to talk to kids. Yes. That is the black dragon's turn. He's gonna see if he gets his breath back he does. No. He's gonna go for moonshine.

Moonshine, give me a dick-stirty saving throw. Bye guys. Okay, I got 21. Dope. Okay, so you only take half. Okay, I might still be up. Let's see. Let's take a gander, Bev's Amulet. Yeah, you take 11 damage.

I do a little damage. Yeah, still standing baby. Good work. Because I used his Amulet last turn. Wow, so I got me up to 22. Sure he is, yeah. When you look at my Amulet, I do a little dance though. Yeah, it's still so much. Mm-hmm. Sure he is, yeah. Nice. When you look at my amulet, I do a little dance though.

Yeah, it's still so much. That is you, moonshine. I'm going to use Milf's Acid Arrow on... Should I use on that blue guy? How on Deaths Door does this little guy look? Pretty hurt, pretty damn. Pretty damn close to Deaths Door. Fucking useless.

I guess all Milf's Acid Arrow. Okay. It's a waste though. Do you want to do that? I got another night 20. There we go. This fucking stupid milfs has it arrow. Okay. It's a waste though. I got another You shoot him right out of the sky blue dragon goes down oh no, no, not blue stump shoots down to the ground Okay, you guys got black dragon black dragon you guys got red dragon Slammer of dragons Slayer of baby dragons. Although I did help birth a baby dragon, so I am both birther and killer,

a baby dragon. Yeah, you were the mother of the children. The kids of life and death. Yes, oh my God, it's so true to who I am. That is you, hard one. All right, swing in a thread one. Cool. And I'm actually not, because that is a 13.

13 hit, that does not hit. you swing and you whiff big time And you look like a loser who's just sitting in the Halfling I wish it was jump was real cool right So red guy is gonna see if he gets his Thing back and he does oh Three guys to make dexterity saving throws That was a net 20 nice. Oh, they go That's gonna be a net

Nine for me. Okay, what did you get to anything? Okay, you guys the little little guys take the full damage stand behind my quads, but they don't get there in time. No. No. You guys, hard one takes 15 damage, you guys take 30 damage. Okay, I'm down. Okay, Tonathon goes down. I'm up, I have two HP. Okay, okay, Bev, that's you. Who, boy?

I should probably. Fun fact, if I had had full HP, I still would have gone down. I guess I'll lay hands myself then. So it's five times my paladin level. So I get 20 back, so I guess I'm back up to 22. Okay. And as a bonus action, I guess I'll go ahead and,

yeah, we're kind of at the end of, at the end of this journey perhaps. I'm going to cast Shield of Faith. Okay. Who's the lowest? Should I cast it on Moonshine? I'm at 11. Yeah, I'll cast it on Moonshine of faith. Okay. Who's the lowest should I cast it on moonshine? I'm at 11. Yeah, I'll cast it on moonshine for sure.

Okay. I blow a kiss and a spectral version of my face. I'm gonna cast it on a kiss. A fly is a force field. A fly is over and then just like a big bubble boy. I try and bat it away. Nope. It is transparent.

You cannot bat it away. A big bubble boy. I try and bat it away. Nope, it is transparent. You cannot bat it away. A big bubble boy surrounds her. And she's protected from what she sees. You have a big Beverly Shield. A big Beverly Bubble Shield. Okay, that is you, Tonith. And go ahead and give me a dead saving throw.

Okay, so tell me if this is too much shenanigans, but as sort of, maybe I needed to have said this already, but in my mind, as sort of a failsafe because I can have Barnaby carry one Spell on him at a time. Yeah, can I say that? He had the spare the dying can trip up on him ahead of time, I would say you need to, you can say that for the future, but now give me a death sentence.

All right. Barnaby just watches over, I failed. Oh, I got a five. Oh, one was net. One failure for the net. Okay. One failure for Tom. Hey guys, does Barnaby try to give him mouth to mouth?

Yeah, Barnaby is just like, yeah, Barnaby is just swatting at you. Barnaby is just flapping his wings with trying to help. Okay, uh, Black Dragon does not get his breath back. So he's just gonna try to bite moonshine. Okay.uh-uh. Uh-uh. What? Yeah, Beverly, it's like a bad animatronic dormat that keeps saying things as you hit it. It just goes, not today. Can't come in the bubble. Justice prevails. Justice, yeah, it's only justice prevails.

Justice prevails. Justice, justice, justice prevails. Just as it tries to swing it on. It's like spamming an emo. Yeah. Oh, boy. Poorly designed. Moonshan, that's you.

I'm gonna shalele and attack this dragon. Great. With no poison, I know that he is fine with poison. Let me double check to see if he has any. I thought he was show-poisoned. I thought so, but let me check. Moonshan, I feel like you could just toss us a rope. Poison, he can be poisoned.

Oh, so I could have been sporesing him. Yeah. Damn. I'll give you a couple extra spores. Okay. I'll take six damage off of him. You've saved them off. All right, well, yeah, I'm like,

I thought I couldn't poison him. I'll give you, yeah. Okay, so I'll just shallalely my thing and attack him. Okay. Is a 16 going to hit. Just hits, yes. Yes. Okay. And it's gonna be, okay, so I only hit him for four, but then I spores him for three more

don't Moonsha and spore sack is just bulging right now Besides these rounds of spores that we added and this he hasn't been attacked yet So he still looks okay, but you know these guys don't have a ton of HP. So that's you hard one here You've got the red dragon flying up in your face It's not attacked yet, but I'm gonna take I'm gonna grab one of my potions and give it to Tonathon great. Uh, Tonathon 2d4 plus 4 My lot's taking a sort of bonus action at the dragon growing axe. I roll two fours. Okay, so I get 12 Yeah Roll two fours. Okay, so I used to have it get 12. Yeah. Go!

It might be 2d4 plus two. I'd say 2d4 plus four, because I don't want to look right now. Cool, so you, Honathon pops back up. That's so far. It is. Can I also use my second wind here? Yeah, just to kill myself.

Yeah, yeah, so go ahead and heal yourself. Yeah, do it. Cool, go ahead and use your second wind. This guy's going to see if he gets his breath back. He doesn't. Thank God. So this red dragon is going to try to bite you hard one. Okay Any misses, damn right. He misses. Any only gets or he like still or he like nails it, but he can't break the skin on my fucking leg

Yeah, or like that. He's just gumming. Yeah, he's just gumming at you. That's got a cute. He goes and just like all of your leg hair just like knots up in his teeth. That's right. Any recoils. That is what you said they talk. Okay, I can't use words. You know what, I'm just gonna do a divine smite. Cool. So you're gonna go to the red one. Yeah. Swing on the red one. That's a 15 plus 6. That nice. So roll you, so you're 1d8 from your long sword and then you're 2d8 for your divine smite. Alright. Plus your damage. That's 8 plus 6 for damage.

And that's 8. Nice dude. Wow. And 6. Oh. So that's 28 total. Okay. So this red dragon is suddenly on Death's door.

So you've got this black dragon that doesn't look too good. This red dragon's on Death's door. Great. That is you black dragon that doesn't look too good. This red dragon is on Death's door. Right. That is you, Tonethan. It's me. Come on, Tonethan, the dragon killer. It's me, Tonethan. Okay, so I can do another magic missile.

And those will just hit. I can command the missiles to attack different targets. So I want to see, do they go simultaneously? Yeah, they strike simultaneously. Okay. So we give one to that red dragon who's on death store and then two to the black Okay, I'll try that. Yeah, how much are they hit for they hit for 1d4 plus one One for plus so distribute them. I'll do

Yeah, one one to the red dragon and three to the black dragon. Okay, the first one for the red dragon does 5 damage. Okay. That's fucking maxed it out. Yeah, that red dragon dies. Great. Finish it. Finish it. She's a mad at the sky. I say you may have dropped me down, but I got back up. Can you do the same? But you. Of course. I say, I say but you as I say. It's not the sound of spell mix. So it's simultaneous, so I'll tell you what happens after the damage is distributed. Okay, so we're going after- So we're going after-

So we're going after- Going after- Going after the Black Dragon. Uh, two, uh, plus five is seven. Okay, that's another two. So nine damage to the Black Dragon. Cool. Black Dragon is looking real messed up, but the red dragon dies and the log that you three are on starts to shoot down. Oops.

Oopsie. So that is the Black Dragon who lets roll and see if he gets his, he does not get his breath back. He's gonna attack moonshine. And he misses. Oh boy, yes. Thank Justice prevails. Just, just, just, just this prevails. Just, just this prevails. just just just just this prevails

What a good dad pop up pop up I just starts barking Just like freaking out like a dog with a stranger outside of the Kacophony Yes, so the black dragon misses moonshine. That's you your friends are shooting down rapidly on this other log Shit, can we jump on your turn? Okay. I have no choice, I just gotta attack him. 18. That hits.

Woo! So just for six? Six damage? Yes, six damage and then three more spores. Just enough to kill him. Yes! And if you hadn't killed him, I think Hardward would have done something dumb. Like even though the straggin was on Death's door and moonshine could have beat him alone,

Hardward one probably would have taken the insane jump and maybe died. I would have jumped and I would have rolled a 5. Wow! Wow! Just straight up possible Hardward one death if moonshine didn't kill him in this turn. I think I would have thrown my throwing axe actually. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, that would have been a good move.

No, I would jump. So I take him. Oh, sounds cowardly. I take him into my arms and I say, I have given birth and now I must give death. And I hug him to death. Oh, I'm on your butt. Like, free the wing him in my arms, covering him with spores.

He's squinting. Yeah, I take him to my breast to suckle. Pawpaw is so jealous. Pau-pau, what really kills the dragon is Pau-pau just biting into its neck. So jealous that someone else is breastfeeding her. As far as from our perspective, we're just going down. We see moonshine just like grab this dragon

and start suckling it like as mother of dragon. It's a peer out of Mother of Life and Death, the watcher at the doorway. More of like a lactating ant of dragons. I shout, grab a tooth. Okay, yeah, I would also like to grab a tooth for Bev. It disappears because these are not real dragons. Oh, right.

Okay. So, yeah, you guys kill all these dragons, they fly into the stumps, and you guys fly down at about the same time, because you guys killed them almost at the exact same moment. So you guys get to the bottom. Ugh. Do we all jump up in the air at the same time,

and it frees frames? That's up to you guys. Do you guys want to jump up in the air at the same time? So, time for what we say is, Kalu Kale. Yeah. So, thank you for, okay. Okay. Okay. One, two say is, Kalu Kale. Yeah, so thank you for, thank you. Okay, cool.

Okay. One, two, three. Kalu Kale. Kalu Kale. Easy, Uku walks up to you guys. He runs up to you guys, Dick Swann. And he goes, well, congratulations guys.

Now you can fight the ghost in the tower. And then you can, go see the watchman, huh? Thank you. What? This is one of those pranks. Is this a good one? I shove a berry in my mouth.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, let's do it a post athletics check to see if he can avoid the berry going in his mouth. He rolled so bad. I got a 13. Okay, he got a 6. You successfully shoved the berry in his mouth and he starts puking and he goes, Oh, oh man. Had by her own berry goof. He's essentially shoved the barrier in his mouth and he starts puking and he goes oh Had by our own berry goof all right. It's a very good good Very good prank girl. Thank you. Thank you. No, but seriously. There's a ghost in the watch tower. Oh, okay

Why wouldn't there be right should we take can we take a rest? If you guys would like to take a rest you guys follow it up instantly as opposed to all right so you guys have ordered up for like 10 minutes you guys need to spend like a full day like you guys are just out in this village you guys set up a little kid say yeah you can I go with me sure what do you like to do you know I just meditate you guys want to sit around for a while no obviously I'm like yeah let's meditate all right let's meditate let All right, let's meditate. Let's strip the overalls. Cool.

So as you guys kind of go to bed, Uku talks to you, Moonshine, as you guys are kind of meditating. Yeah. And he says, be careful when you enter the tower. Long ago, there was a woman who grew up without ever knowing her parents. She climbed the tower and she spoke to the watchman to ask about them. Just a long ago, there was a woman who grew up without ever knowing her parents. She climbed the tower and she spoke to the watchman to ask about them.

When she found out that they were peasants, she was incensed. She believed she was destined to be special. When she continued to berate the watchman after insisting that she leave, she refused. He cursed her and now she's a crazy ghost who lives in the tower and kills anyone who goes in. And she hates peasants. She doesn't hate peasants, she just wanted to be special, she wanted to be like a princess. She thought maybe she didn't know her parents because they were somebody special and they were

just, you know. Oh, she found out her parents were like that. Right, yeah. So it's kind of like a macabre take on a Rapunzel tale. Sure. Do you think that perhaps she is, does she retain and intellect that perhaps, she may feel empathy? Oh no, she's super mean.

She hates that other people can go up the tower and talk to the watchman because she thinks he's lying to her, but he's not. Also, when you talk to the watchman, he likes to be kind of vague and stuff sometimes, so ask a really pointed question. And also, it doesn't have to be yes or no, right? It doesn't have to be yes or no.

He knows everything that has happened and he knows everything that's going on right now, but he doesn't know the future. And if you go up there and you at me, I wasted my question, I went up there and I was like, how do I be a good person? And he was like, fuck you, that's not how it works. And then I just walked down and now I just hang out here.

Well, I don't know, you could really tear, you could really dig into that answer, fuck you, that's not how it works. And take some wisdom from that. That's true. I mean, there's a philosophical backing to that. Yeah. Perhaps that's why I stuck around.

Just because, you know, because of philosophical backing to that. Yeah. Perhaps that's why I stuck around just because, you know, tell other people how it works, you know. If we shout boo after he gives us a bad answer, would that shame him into giving us a good answer? Sometimes he did turn that woman into a ghost. You'll be on top of a watch tower. He's a big god. Okay.

Sort of a spectral head. He could just blow you off the tower and kill you. So watch your mouth. Just be super careful. Yeah, be cool, be smart. Gotcha. Okay. Can you tell me anything about this ghost?

Would you say, what classification would you give it? I think Jonathan and I would love to know that. Yeah, that'd be super helpful. Super undead, she's dead. She is a ghost. Super undead. She is a ghost. Yeah.

So everybody goes to bed. Here are my portent rules. Okay. 18. And one. Oh, my portent rolls. Okay. 18 and one. Oh, that's good though. Okay. Having a one on deck is good. Yeah.

So you guys, yeah, you guys hang out with Uku and you go to bed, you wake up the next day. We're marching into this ghost tower. Uku takes you to the tower. Again, just be super polite with the watchman. He's kind of a dick. Cool. We're gonna be asking mostly puberty-related questions,

so it should be fine. Right. I burp a bunch of crickety. Ha-ha-ha-ha. I did see we're drinking mud. It made me nervous. Crickety, you have no class. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

All right. You see that class. Alright. Alright. You see that there are these big beefy gali at the guards standing before the tower and he kind of motions for them to move. They move out of the way. We walk in. Cool. Okay. So you guys enter to the foul stench of death.

There are lanterns in the corner of this first room with blue flames giving the place a creepy blue glow. It's a simple room made of stone, but you do see bones on the floor and about five full skeletons throughout the room. Okay, as I see the skeletons, I'm reminded of the spectre of death and I do that, I just cast a spear of the dying on Barnaby so that it's ready. Oh, okay. Nice. Great, nice. I love Keith. He's ready to save somebody's life. I love Keith's deal of tooth from the skull,

but like I don't make a big deal out of it. Okay, go over. You pull a teeth from the skull. Believe it or not, it does not come alive. That's weird. Yeah, it's strange. But is it just a spooky dungeon? You guys see about five full skeletons in the room.

On the other side of the room, there is the beginning of what looks like a spiral staircase and you guys can hear a woman whimpering in the distance coming from upstairs. What's the music like? Is it like... That's the ghost I told you about. The one whose parents are peasants. Oh, okay. Yeah, man. It stinks a peasant blood in here Hey, I'm Jonathan. Yeah, could you use don't you have a spell that can make minor changes? Yeah, I've got a press agitation. I've got minor illusion. What what do you want? I just like this blue lighting isn't great for me Could you make the the flames green? Oh sure, yeah.

You want to change the mood lighting here? Yeah. Yeah, I make the flames green. Cool. You make the flames green. You see the whole room turns green. And you hear the voice upstairs say, who has come into the tower princesses castle and changed the lighting.

Weird, I didn't know peasant could be a princess. Did you marry into some kind of family? All of a sudden this ghostly woman phases through the ceiling and appears in the room with you guys. Oh, everyone, everyone- You must be mistaken. Everyone guard your pockets. I don't wanna get picked pocketed by some kind of urchin. Hardware tosses are a single gold coin.

I'm trying to figure out who she's most angry at right now. So moonshine and hard one, both Rolmi, charisma checks to see who's being the biggest dick while they're doing this Seven seven I Got either does it matter got six. It's okay. Mooshine she flies at you and attempts to possess you roll a charisma Charisma check. Oh, I thought it was gonna happen to me. Oh, of course Nat 20 Oh, worse. Nat 20.

Oh my god. So you tease this chick and solve this woman in her home. She tries to fly into your mouth and you just spit some spores back out her. And she goes like, oh, disgusting. Not worthy of royalty. Uh. Well, royalty is someone welcome in here.

Oh my god. Oh, are you talking about me? Oh, you're so good. I guess comparatively I might seem royal. The bonus actually can I start peeing on the ground? Everybody says a toilet, right? Everybody rolling at you then. Hey guys, look, it's green like my clothes.

22, what a rude crew. Eight. 16, 14. Hard one you act first. Great, I'm gonna swing at her with my magic axe. That is going to be a 22. Ooh, yes, that hits. Oh, it's a good thing it's a fucking magic axe. Yeah, magic axe, magic axe, yeah.

Roll the one, it's a beer, he's swinging. He's swinging a beer ball. I'm a great weapons fighter as evidenced by my second. Seven, which is at, wait, 13. You mess her up, you swing into her, you see she sort of phases out for a second. No way to treat a princess. Is there a princess?

Moonsha, you said you were, you're just kidding. Oh, miss, I'm sorry. I'm the princess. Where's the princess? I'm giving it to you. It's on the tower. It says, that understay. I'm the princess of the tower. I understand I am giving it to the tower. I'm giving it to the tower. I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower.

I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower. I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower. I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower. I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower.

I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower. I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower. I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower. I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower.

I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower. I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the tower. I'm giving it to the princess. I'm giving it to the princess? I'll cast it on, on Jonathan. Oh, thank you. And then I will cast Shield of Faith on, on Moon Shine again. Yeah.

And this time I have, I have altered the speaking line. So it's, it's a different, it rotates every time I cast it. That's very fun. So now it says, Pellor, be praised. Ha ha ha. Pellor, be it says Pellor be praise Pelor be praise Okay, that is

the ghost on The ghost turn you see you see these five skeletons pop up and come to life. Uh-oh Then she's also I'm gonna need everyone who can see her, which is everyone, to make a... When she makes them come to life, was she using her voice to speak that magic? No, they were always just gonna come alive. He behind the screen, they were gonna come alive in the encounter with her,

but if you guys had fucked up the skeletons before you went upstairs, dang it. They wouldn't have come alive. Are they feeling... Just like kind of a fun little puzzle at the end. One of them has one less, too. Is he looks silly as fuck. Yeah, he's feeling self-conscious about his look.

It was a two-thirty took, right? Yeah, he looks upset. He keeps feeling for his tooth. Like, he just chipped a tooth. They're not going to attack this round, too. Okay. But they just came up. But they do. Everybody needs to, she makes a horrifying face. Okay. Um, with like, she's got like worms coming out of her eyes and shit.

Everybody make me a wisdom saving throw as you see this horrifying visit. Is this magic? Because I have advantage on wisdom saving. Is, yeah, well, he's protected from that. Oh, sweet. I got 18. Cool. You pass. Yeah, maybe. Oh, uh, do I get to reroll a sweet. I got 18. Same. Cool. You pass. Yeah, baby.

Oh, do I get to reroll a one on this? Yes. OK, cool. So wait, does that mean I don't even have to roll if I'm protected? Let me. I just got another one. Oh my. Can you be?

Beverly. Oh, look, guys, this is crazy. Make it make it an 18. Oh my god. Yeah. But I also have braves, so I have an advantage against frightens. Oh, cool. What I get to roll it again?

Yeah, you would have gotten to roll again. So it's a reroll for lucky, and then reroll again for advantage against fright. Correct. So if you want to save your... I'll save it. ...until you roll another one. Which is possible here. Let me tell you.

That's a 20! Yeah, don't... Cool. You guys all resisted. Guys, this was so bad. I didn't afraid to know ghosts. if you had actually rolled the one on that Yeah, if you fail by five or more you you age by 1d four times 10 years So Beverly you would have just become you would have become like a 50 year old man

What you would have gotten your I didn't say that would have been you would have been older than ton of it. Yeah Yeah, you would have been older than ton of them. Yeah, on average, he would have been maybe a 30 or 20. Er, like, no, because he's 16 now. 1d4 plus 10. If he's 15. That is you, Ton of them. Great.

I, where are the skeletons located? You guys are all in a small room. You can get to the skeleton, however you'd like. They're all in a bunch, kind of in the middle of the room. Great. I would like to the middle of the rain. You can hang them all with the same thing. I would like to cast grease underneath the skeletons. Oh, this is wacky. Slipery skeleton.

Slick grease covers the ground in a 10 foot square centered on a point within range. Great. It turns until difficult terrain for the duration. When the grease appears, each creature standing in the area must succeed at dexterity saving throw or fall prone. Cool. Don't let the all go.

I guarantee Skeletons do not have good dexterity. They've got to be 14. Okay. First one passes. Okay. Second one fails. Pass. Fail.

Three fails and two passes. Okay, three of them kill over. So it's our time. Moon shine you're up. You know what, I'm just gonna do, I'm gonna do second level ice knife on her. Okay, cool. So let me see.

Feels like when she dies, these skeletons might die. She raised them. Yeah. Okay. They're her story. Let's slow them down. I'm assuming 11 is not going to hit her 11 actually is going to hit her. Yes, okay. She's just a ghost

Yeah, just a just a real poor So I'll hit her for one, but then hit her miss the shard explodes and the target and each creature within five feet of it must succeed in dexterity saving throw or take three D6 damage. She rolled a one. Wow. Wow this goes shops with a clothing racket coals. That's right. Excuse you. I literally rolled two ones and a two. Oh so I hit her for four more. That was a devastating round. I can't., you certainly fight like a noble. I see the tag on your dress. It says, oh! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! I'm sorry I didn't realize we were just dancing. That this was a ball! Because not if you do any damage! Maybe you didn't realize that because you've never been to a ball. Whoa!

Ah! Ah! I want to insult, too. You're see-through. That is true. No wonder your laughing spell didn't work. She just starts quietly crying in a way that's not funny at all. Tony, that was not cool.

I'll just stick to spells. I'll just stick to spells. Hard one that's you. Sweet. I'm going to sweep my magic. Three prone skeletons. I still want to swing my magic axe at this lady do it up That is an 18 18 hits do I reroll on one and two or just two one and two Wow good fucking catch how many times have I done that? Tonethin is our simplest character Jake. Yeah, Yeah, no, that's an 11 damage on this.

11 damage, okay. This sails Ratchet. She started to kind of fade from reality. Oh, that is... Oh, shit, are you going to Walmart? She's trying to... Oh, if you're going to Walmart, you know they have food, of course, you know they have.

I'm in my 20-part party! Does she even... I she eat the soup? I usually eat the soup kitchen I think. I eat it. It's the studs Classist Classist That's you, Beth. Honestly we're poor too.

Don't tell her that. Wow nice zoom. All right I'm just gonna keep my musical guy Feel bad She has those big headphones that you know, they're not sound canceling just the big ones Oh, yeah, just like she stole off of first class on a flight as she was leaving These for free on JetBlue! Oh God.

I'm just gonna keep casting protection from Evelyn Good. I'm gonna cast it on Hardware on this time. Cool. And then just kind of like, I don't know, I'll just dance with a skeleton. I call. They're greasy. Yeah. Super greasy.

Great. So what does that mean? What does that mean? The ghosts turn. You can't be frightened, and she has disadvantage on attacking you. She attempts to fly into your mouth, Bev. Oh, give me a charisma saving throw. She rolled the six.

He's a very good boy. He's a very bad roller. I can introduce you to some very nice people in high society. Charisma saving throw you out of six, not even just a four. Would you bring them to the tower? I think so. That's a 15. That passes.

Nice. Cool. So she straight up doesn't do anything. She tries to fly into your mouth. And you burp her. I think I just like as she approaches, I hold up my sigil for my house and say like, I think that you would like

to meet the people I know. I bow to this castle! I'll bring your family here for dinner! Ah! Oh my God, she is so pathetic. I've got some people you could rub elbows with if your elbows work transparent. Cool, so the three.

So the three. The three skeletons that are prone are gonna get up. They're not gonna make it to you guys, but they're gonna start coming over, they don't have enough speed to get all the way over to you guys, but the two ones that are standing up are able to make it over, and they're gonna swing on Tonathon because it's a fuck Tonathon.

First guy misses, second guy misses. They have disadvantage on attack rolls against them. They missed even with regular attacks, so they miss. So that's the skeletons, That is you, Ton. Ton, I'm gonna cast Pyro Technics. Okay. I choose an area of non-magical flame that I can see. I'll pick one of the candles that's close to her,

but out of range of you guys. And I'm going to make it explode with dazzling display of fireworks. Cool. What does she need to do? She needs to beat a 14 constitution saving throw or become blinded. Yes. She's blinded.

Great. You're blind. That's good. You look like shit. I'm happy I can't see you. Well, this place is really ugly. You're lucky you can't see it. Yes.

I'm not gonna run when I get to low HP. Wait, the hell? Wait, the hell? How are you gonna be able to do all the thrift shop and you do if you can't pick through, we can't see to pick through. You're a bicep. That looks like a favorist. You're a bicep.

It doesn't look like she looks that hard when she goes shopping. You're a bicep, baby. Moonshine, you're up. Okay, oh. This goes to this attachive of Tweety Bird on her lower back. I'm going to Melf's acid arrow her.

Cool. Melf. Melf. Mel. Oh, that's going to hit 17. Dope that hits. Okay. 11 damage.

11 damage. She is right, fuck. And then at the beginning of her next turn, she's going to take 2D4 more damage. Oh, ho, ho, ho. And then I'm going to blow a sport kiss at her. Okay. You're not a fungo queen D4 more damage. And then I'm gonna blow a sport kiss at her. Okay, you're not a fungal queen? Just three damage. No, I'm just three damage.

She's on death's door. Or she's already dead, she's on fading into nothing door. Emily, you gotta turn into a fungal queen because it'll insult her. It takes a whole turn. Oh darn, hard one that's your turn. Okay, that's a 12. 12 to hit?

Yeah, that hits. Really? Yeah, she doesn't have 11 hit before yeah And that is a 17 hard one finish her oh I mean I feel she's a ghost about how poor she is no no lean into it I feel bad about how he made her feel no, but in the afterlife, everyone is rich. Yeah, lay her to rest. Mm-hmm. Great. I'm going to scoop up in my arm. I'm gonna suck off. Say, you should have known that you were always a princess. And I'm gonna slice her neck open with... Okay. Slice her ghost neck.

Cool. So you slice this ghost neck and she says, Slice her ghost neck. Cool, so you slice this ghost snack and she says, that seemed kind of fucked up, but I don't have a neck, so I guess it's fine, I'm off to hell. Oh, it's nicer down there, trust me. And she disappears. And the skeletons fall back down. Yeah.

Covered in grease. Yeah, the ground is still very slippery there. Be careful, guys, It's very slippery. The one who doesn't have a tooth, just keeps, is still alive and reaching for where his tooth was. All right, y'all. So I saved all my first level spells so that I could cast Spider Climb on all of us

to climb up the tower. Oh, tight. Oh, we can do it. We don't even have to use the stairs. So we presumably wouldn't have to, oh wait, oh, there's stairs? I thought we had to climb the tower don't even have to use the stairs. So we presumably wouldn't have to oh wait Oh, there's stairs. Yeah, we had a time the tower Climate climate stairs spider-climate. Let's spider climate. That's way more No, let's let's know this is cool

But do we show then do we show up in front of this wizard as four spiders? No, we just get really Climbing spider. Yeah, all right cool. Let's do that You guys are gonna go outside and like climate like spider-man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like it's It's too bad that's all you're gonna have to do Or we can even just like traverse the around the stairs Which are you guys just climbing up the walls on the inside? Yeah, cool I love it you guys climb up the walls on the inside you see you kind of put your foot down

This is gonna be a really like big move, but uh you kind of like took out a just small but awesome You dip your toe into the stairs and some of them collapse you're like oh traps. We kind of avoided those Okay, yeah Yeah, you see some stairs fall you guys avoid it. I'm so good. I'm so proud of you Maybe it'll make a really good first impression on the watch. Yeah, you're all of us to get go climb in. Because you guys, he's been watching us this whole time.

Yeah. You guys climb up to the top of the tower and the fresh air hits you. You guys were in the stinky ass death tower. The fresh air hits you. You guys can see, later on in the distance, the zeppelins and the airships hovering around it. To the left, you guys can see go later on in the distance, the zeppelins and the airships hovering around it. To the left you guys can see the ocean.

Suddenly a giant, spectral head appears with dozens of eyes. Many of them rotating quickly in all directions, but what eye looks right at you guys. And he says, They undersold how many eyes you would have I have many eyes I am the watchman don't ask me a question that is casual because I'll only let you ask one and people get really pissed when they get tricked they come up and they say don't you

think it's a nice day what's up up with you? And then I say haha tricked Yeah, not a question for you. So plug your ears or whatever I don't even I don't even want to say a question out loud. So just whoever wants have a You guys want a role initiative? Sure, let's do that. Yeah, it's a good By the way, you can ask me as many questions as you like. Okay, I got 20, not that. I got six. 12.

Okay, moonshine, you go first. Okay. What plant will cure crick-rot? Crick-rot is demonic influence, and you cannot cure it with a plant That's pretty straightforward. Yeah, that's pretty good All right, well, thank you. Thank you so much. You're welcome. I say thank you to every single eye Thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Who's next?

Out of 12 and what I'm I didn't know he was. Yeah, I'm last. Okay. Hard one. Well, shit. This ain't pretty straight forward, huh? Who are my parents? Your parents are Lydia Stormborn and Elias Stormborn. Do I know who those people are? You don't.

Okay. Do I know who those people are? You don't. Okay. Lydia and Elias Stormborn Hey, is Elias a girl or boy that we kind of dope he had two sweet moms? How do I spell Elias? This is me asking the D.F Elias E L I

A S E L I S. I thought it was like a Lydia Stormborn shit. I had another question about my ex, but How long is her beard right now? Who is next? I'm gonna be a stormborn. Shit, I had another question about my ex, but. Ha ha ha. How long has her beard right now? Who is next? Turn it up. Did she move on? Okay, my turn. My name is Beverly Togold,

six leaf green teen junior night. And I would like to know, I hold up the amulet of Pellor. He starts to unbuckle me. He starts to stop me. Ha ha ha. And I have a verybucklely. I start to stop. And I have a very important question that I would like to... No, no, no, no, no, okay, okay.

Alright, I hold up the amulet. And I say like, what is caused this amulet of Pellor to crack? This holy artifact which can be minged by magic but returns to its crack state. what has corrupted it so? Theala has broken her pact with Polore. Oh! I faint. Oh, I'm really going down. Polore. I just, I faint and I start twitching on the ground. All right, this is why I came here, guys.

Thank you so much for scooping me up and helping me. I definitely wouldn't have made it here without your help. Same. Great, great watchman of the world. Where have the legendary heroes of Bohumia gone? Alonus is not on this plane. Theala and Ulfgar are headed for Galatoron. Wow, shit. Oh yeah.

I think I had another concussion. Thank you so much. Happy watching. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Watchman, sir, as a gift for all of your kind words. Can I give him a tube? Would you like a berry? Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm running. He rolled a dexterity saving bag. He knows what the berry is. Roll a dexterity saving. He knows every he knows what the barriers. Okay, roll the dexterity saving throw I want to use slight of hand to switch the berry with the marshmallow. He knows everything. Okay

All right, this was a bad joke. Okay dexterity saving sir. Oh I got it too. Oh I got it too! Oh no. Just remember you're spider-bottom. Yeah, 18. 18 plus two. Okay, 20. Yeah.

You are blown to the edge of the tower and are able to hang on, but you're still being blown. Everybody roll initiative to get out of there without this god killing you. Okay. Good job, Bev. I have my humor patch. I have to give it a go. 20.

5. 11. 3. How tall is this tower? We got spider climbs. So we got spider climbs. It's tall. You can climb down.

Let's go. Let's go. Cool. Damn it, Bev. All right. Hard one. You go first. As you see this god blow Beverly off.

Beverly's just hanging on like being tornadoed All right, I'm gonna take my axe and swing just kidding Let's wait the god I'm gonna run to the edge of the This tower and start to spider climb down nodding to bev that he should do the exact same thing. Yeah, hard one Just jumps over the edge and starts climbing down This guy's just like you guys are pricks How did you think I would fall for that? I am the great watchman It look who told you not to be pricks I'm sorry, it could resist

That is moonshine Okay Someone talks about any of the mouth while he's yelling I can move I get a movement and an action, right? Yes. I cast Healing Spirit, my spectral, many nipple pop-off, and I say,

this is an apology for what my young friend has done. Think of it as an olive branch, or rather a spectral possum with many nipples. Just suck a lot. I'm telling you what it tastes great. It's gonna give you. This is awesome. I won't kill you. And then I spider, I begin my spider climb to set. Which I start spider climbing down. That's the gods turn. Beverly give me another dexterity saving throw. Okay. I don't have anymore. I only have the one. I can't help you.

Oh, that's another three. Beverly, you are blown off the tower. Huh. What's that owl up to? Yeah, can I, yeah. Yeah, he might need to spare some dying. Yep. This was a lot funnier when Uku did it.

Yeah. Uku just has better comedic timing. Yeah, you know what? The one thing Uku said was to not be a... God. All we had to do was not be an asshole to be a god. You make it out of this, I think you're losing your humor past. Okay.

Beverly, religion one. Beverly, you guys off of the tower. Fall several hundred feet onto the ground for... Can I try and... So many try and it's not your turn you can't do anything okay seven eleven fourteen twenty twenty one thirty one thirty three damage okay what's that put you at ten okay if you get negative your HP you die on impact. How many more are you gonna roll out of 10-D-6?

Okay, great. 4, uh-oh. 8, 12, 17, 19, 20, 22,

23, 24 damage. Okay, so you're not negative, you're max HP. Alright, so yeah, my max HP is 43. I, 33. So you're a tattoo? Yeah, it would be like a negative 12. So you are not. So I'm good.

So the joke was definitely. The trashes into the ground so hard. Oh. And by the time, okay, so that is actually, Jonathan, are you just running? You guys haven't gotten to go. Yeah, I'd like to get, I apologize for my friends. We didn't tell them to do that.

So I think you made your point, but if you're still mad, sorry. You have spider climbing out. I'll send Barnaby to spare the dying on Bev. Cool. Yeah, you guys get to the bottom and Beverly is crumpled, looking like beer dead, like broken legs. Super, super fucked up.

As the owl comes over, I stop him for a second, rip off young bev's humor patch, and then invite the owl to do his thing. RIP ON THE SEEMER VAT. I'm about to show this little kid some tough love. That's my third concussion. Fourth? Fourth concussion.

Oh, dude, that's a cute track. That's the closest we've come to death for the stupidest reason. Wow, that was crazy. That's a closest we've come to death for the stupidest reason. Wow. That was crazy. The consequences. As I'm lying on the ground, I'm just saying the word theola over and over again.

So you guys are able to spare the dying on Beverly. Beverly comes back to life. Hopefully a little rattled. Very rattled. He doesn't have his memory, and I'm like, yeah, he ate the- he ate the bury. It was hilarious.

I don't- I don't think he got the joke. Beverly, you now have a giant scar across your forehead. Oh, a Harry Potter style. Yeah. Oh, a Harry Potter style scar. Yeah. From nearly falling to your death. If the all up broke her pack, then what's the point of a pact?

Oh, so that's why you're acting out? Is that a fucking death wish? Is that a suicide attempt? I don't know what I'm thinking anymore. Oh my god. One too many concussions. Ugh. Guys, you know, I don't, I think adventuring maybe,

maybe I'm not cut out for this. Hey, don't you say that you were cut out for it? You were for sure cut out for it. Yeah, you did. Kill the dragon. I think. Wonderful. Well, you did. Killed the dragon. I think. Wonderful.

Well, thank you. Maybe could I stay here and study what knowledge these monks have? You see Ooku stands up and he goes, yeah, sure, buddy, you're my favorite. And he picks up a short story. You're like a real cat. Oh no, I think you just sealed yourself

into a terrible fate. That's a ton of things to take off as clothes. So yeah, as ton of things being thrown at like a baby, you guys kind of comfort mutilated and depressed, about the way. And that's where we will end our session. All right, ton of things get scoop-wise, new family now. Poor ton of things.. All right, Jonathan's gonna scoop twice. His new family now. Poor Jonathan, can't go anywhere without getting scooped.

I'm just a very, I've got a very scoopable face. Our two are scooped. All right, so the scoop. Yeah, so thanks, thanks Nathan. Yeah, so much fun. So much fun, thanks for having me on. Thanks for saving our lives a bunch of times. Yeah, we're real.

And back at you. I'm glad I got to make hard one huge A dream come true come true for both of us It's gonna be fun when we don't have this enormous beautiful safety net in time Can we keep the owl? Cool, so follow us on Twitter guys at CH Murphyurf is me at called these call dwell at the experts Emily Atch jkher which is Jake what are you Nathan? I'm at at Nathan Yaffe at at Nathan Yaffe beautiful and watch Drafi anything else to plug Nathan? Oh, can I thank the the people who on Twitter?

Suggested my name you sure as hell can do that. Yeah, I have to look that up I've suggested my name. You sure as hell can do that? Yes. I have to look that up. Oh yeah. Also, Emily and I have our book out. It's actually only $8 on Amazon now. Hey, how to turn your booty call into your emergency

contacts, the theoretical relationship advice book. We also have an audio book out. You can go on Audible and you can hear us for a credit. Yeah. Okay, I got it. Cool. I'd like to thank at Alias Fake Name 17 You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it.

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You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear it. You can hear So thank you guys for listening. If you want to tweet about the show, hashtag, nadpodnadodod. We are VR, you the nation. That was a hate gun podcast.