Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 15: A Bastard No More (The Galaderon Saga)

Episode Date: May 17, 2018

The Band of Boobs set off on their quest to bust Bev's dad out of the dungeon! The gang learns more about The Widow and Galad, Hardwon bonds with his rat uncle, Beverly gets up to invisible hijinks, and Moonshine meets a foe so inhospitable, she can't keep her jambalaya down. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects Include:"A Bastard No More" by Emily Axford."The Ruins of Cragwater" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Hey guys, before we start the show, we just wanted to make a few little announcements. First off, thank you so much to everyone who donated to our Patreon. It means so much to us.

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Additionally, this coming Monday, we're gonna be releasing our first episode of Mixed Bag of Holding. That's for our $10 patrons and up. We're gonna be doing a fun battle royale called Monster Madness, where we pit shitty monsters against each other. Emily called me and Jake will draft crappy monsters like flying swords, riding horses and bully wugs, and all DM them, having a big

funny battle. So yeah, thanks again guys. Now here's our episode. And if you wanna listen to the after show, head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod nad pod right after and sign up to be a patron on to the show. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumya everyone. I'm your dungeon master Brian Murphy joined as always by Jake, her wits hard one surefoot Emily Axford moon chine Saban murder of innocent goals And call the whole family Beverly togo the fifth the dad detective

That's a little he's not Not I'm not a dad. I just I just do detective work to find and and Not I'm not a dad. I just I just do detective work to find and and release dads from Prism and so you have like a most action your dad no no no no no I just I love the Amazon reviews are one star because nobody knows what this But I was very misleading dad detective. He's not a dad Dad's only got sons He's too late for dad, it's only got suns. Hahaha. Cool, guys, let's see a little recap.

So last week, you guys went to Galatoron Castle to attend the trial of Beverly's dad who had been charged with the murder of the soon-to-be high-ceptin' Merrick High Hill. You found out that Bev's dad was discovered at the scene of the murder with his sword covered in blood. Bev's dad claims that he was attacked along with High Hill and blinded in the scuffle, but the boy king did not believe him because he was in a pissy mood. Without a new high septin in name, the boy king would not get to have his weekend party and someone would have to pay for it. After some weak lawyer by Duncan Pebblepot, Scoutmaster Denny's dad, you guys elected to do a trial by combat. Beverly fought the

crag, the king's beefed up half orc barbarian bodyguard in an intense duel, but unfortunately was defeated. The boy king was ecstatic and wanted to do the execution right then and there, but moonshine suggested that he hold off until the weekend so he could still have his party and the king agreed. Respect. So after the trial, you met up with Captain Galad Rosel, who suggested that the widow must be behind the attack, and that if you could prove that it was her, perhaps you could get Bev's dad off the hook. You guys wandered down to the lower Galator on Docks

to confront a mouse folk guy and a bare folk guy who had been observed having contact with the widow. You found them working on an old airship and confronted them, but they launched it into the air in an attempt to escape you. After a brief airborne combat encounter and some further talking, the mouse folk eventually recognized hard one as the son of Elias Stormborn. The mouse folk revealed that he had been your father's first mate

and that you were all currently aboard the SS Stormborn your father's ship. Oh, also the widow is hard one's mom. Of course. I promise if you listen to the episode, it's not that much of an info dump but just sounds crazy in the recap. You forgot that we hung out with Old Cobb for a bit.

You also hung out with Old Cobb for a bit. I hung out Old Cobb, God bless him. hung out with old Cobb for a good old Cobb God bless him. That was the meat of the episode. I didn't know why that wasn't most of the recap. So then old Cobb said Old Cobb started the Lynch pin for every for every event here It was back to old Cobb. He's the Greek chorus Cool, so you guys right now are airborne in the SS stormborne this airship flying through the sky You guys see the lights of Galator on glistening in the moonlight You're there with red who is this mouse folk guy and Gunther who is this bear folk guy

Hard one. Yeah red just told you that the widow is your mother. All right I lean over and I say I'm really sorry about all the dirty things I said about that the widow is your mother. All right. All right. Alina over and I say, I'm really sorry about all the dirty things I said about the major of your house. I'm all this for giving. And you were the only one that ever mentioned her aesthetic of your dress. Yeah, that is right.

Sorry, the widow is my mother Yeah, well, I mean, you know, she's He looks over at Gunther and Gunther goes Like notting like go on tell him and he goes ah she's you know She's not really your mother anymore. She's she's a revenant She made a deal with a god so that she could come back to get her revenge on Galen Raza. Do you know what God she made this deal with? Yeah, she made her deal with... What's the name of the God? He's the name of the god he's the god of uh He really liked Elias. He's the god of strength and storms and Gunther goes Right cord cord was the god that she uh cord that god knew my dad

He didn't know look you know your dad kind of a champion of the sky flying around strong hot shot guy flying through storms and shit. Cord-like that. And your mom, you know. So do I. Wow, Pickle doesn't fall far from the jar. So what does she need revenge for? What happened? Look, kid, if I tell you this, are you going to go do some crazy shit?

Because I've lost a lot of people because of them doing crazy shit. I'm probably going to do some crazy shit. Yeah. All right. But it'll have some because of them doing crazy shit. I'm probably gonna do some crazy shit. Yeah, all right. But it'll have some friends doing even crazier shit. I love, guys, I gotta be honest, I love trouble. I love it. I'm in trouble.

Let's go on the run shit. Okay, it's actually devastatingly sad though. So we pass around a skin of wine or something. Oh yeah. I take out my flask of Creekwater and huff some and pass it around? Oh, is that Creekwater? Let me get some of that.

I haven't had that before. Oh, OK. You got taste for it. Oh, yeah. You guys pass the flask around and have a little drink. I look at that pocket where I know the arcane is. I cover the pocket. And he goes, so your mom was one of the chosen back when they were just a small sect, when they were

just an offshoot of the oath of devotion paladins before they were really their own thing. But you know, she met your father, they had this kind of, will they, won't they, white hot romance. In the end, she ends up kind of winning them over from the pirate life. He helped us, you know, we all fought in the war against the giants before we had just been pirates, but we helped go later on. We saved go later on from the giants. We were last so in them and shit outside of the airship. It was real cool. The dad promote. Yeah, he gives you dad. Yeah, he gives you that.

But, you know, after the war, your mom and your dad settled down and they had you and, you know, Galad and some of the other chosen weren't too happy about her marrying a pirate and settling down with a pirate. So they made her choose between her oath and her family and she chose her family. And that ended up being a little bit of a death sentence because then the chosen piece of shit. That doesn't sound like anything a paladin would do. That doesn't sound like, well, they're kind of pricks, kid. I'd like to pick pocket the rookie card out of Beverly pocket. Do you

want to do a stealth roll or do you want to just let Beverly feel it? I would like to do a stealth roll. Definitely do a stealth roll. Do a stealth roll. Do a slight of pants to try to get the rookie card out of his pocket. Okay, that's something that's going to be nine. You're passive perception is more than nine. so, Ben, you feel her reach, you can knock it, pull it in the cart. It's my back pocket. And I say, young, Ben, just give me the rookie card. All right. And then I give it to hard one. Do what you will.

Throw it out the window. No! Um, okay. It hits a bird. So, my mom, Paladin, fell in love with a pirate captain of this guy badass. You guys save Galator on she marries him the chosen her mad She chooses our family As they murder my dad Glad Rosal and a couple of the other chosen guys tracked your family down Your dad died so that the two of you could get away.

Your mom, she gave you to us so we could get you out of the city. Then she confronted Galad and she was killed. I knew I hated that guy. You know, our crew used to be mostly dwarves. We knew some good guys who had grown up in the doorfinage. I, you know, your mom put you in our care, me and Gunther here, so we took you to the only place we knew to take you. Gotta be honest with you, the doorfinage was a pretty grim place.

You know? You know? It wasn't that fun. I'm sorry, kid. Y'all, we have never heard Hardwon speak so freely before. Yeah. It's coming out. That was almost 30 years ago.

Then suddenly about six months ago, she shows up as this undead magic lady, told us that because she broke her oath, her soul was lost in limbo. She was wandering the astral plane for decades, just plotting her events until she got an offer from some god. Six months ago, that was...

I was just when I was leaving Iron D. Maybe you were feeling something, I don't know. What was that God again, come through? Which dude was that dead? Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, the name of a god. I'm a fucking pirate, man. I'm not really going for god so much. There's no reason that the widow might have some sort of agenda to kill, Merrick, right? The widow wouldn't hurt anybody who was innocent unless they were in the chosen, in which case she would kill them and then animate their bodies and then make them kill their friends.

So, you know, sort of a chaotic, neutral type, if you will. Oh, I totally will. Here's the thing. I understand that you want to leave Glateron that it's dangerous for you, but I can't let my mom or the widow do this on her own. He can't let his dad die. No, she's got shit to settle at the creek. Yeah, not to mention, I mean, we've definitely pressed for time to get young bevs dad

Sort of staged some sort of jailbreak to get him Not executed. That's a working plan. Yeah, you can't write all these wrongs yourself, but maybe with us You see red looks down and he goes you dad would always talk me into doing stupid shit He would always talk me into doing stupid shit. He would always talk me into doing stupid shit and Gunther goes, uh uh, uh uh, uh uh. I know you're running, but why not, you know, one last job. One last job, that's kind of cool.

Yeah. One last job. One last job. One last job. Ah last job. One last job. Ah, fuck you were in. Moonshine starts whipping up some cocktails with Crickwater. Oh dang. Yeah, she's like a rifle in a round for like egg whites or a lot of spring or whatever. She might find on board.

Yeah, just check out our barocard. We got it. She just pours it into pop-os mouth and shakes him like a cocktail shaker and then pours out. Oh, man. I choked straight from pop-os. That drink is called pop-os kiss. I guess I get some paper out and maybe start planning this ice. That's a no thing. Do you know who might be able to give us information about?

I don't know if there's one big dungeon in Galatoron. I don't know if there's a special one for those slaughtered to be executed. Oh, if you want to know about the shady goings-on of Galatoron, you talk to your uncle red. All right, red. All right. Yeah. So, so okay, so he is a Prisoner of the kings. Yes, sir. So he's gonna be in the dungeon under the castle. Okay, so the dungeon is the only thing in the castle That is actually in the mountain everything else is built on the mountain, right? Yeah, okay. Yeah, so what if instead Going through the castle, you went through

the mountain. You were talking about the white fucking human door. The widow can't exactly be seen walking around. So she's actually been hiding in these abandoned mining tunnels inside the mountain because you see, what was it before it was Galator on Gunther? He turns to Gunther and Gunther goes, right, it was called Cragwater, okay, it was a dwarf city that was inside the mountain, right, and they used to mind Mithril, they used to be Mithril in the mountain, and so all the mining tracks, a lot of them are still in there, and the ruins of the city are in there.

And that's at the uppermost point. If you can get there, it's a giant cavern. All you gotta do is burrow your way up somehow. Oh, we know how to burrow. Yeah, y'all, I can just turn into a giant badger and burrow. Oh my goodness, through solid rock, badgers do that. Well, I got other tricks at my sleeve.

All right. If I turn into a badger, I'm not going to stay a badger. We're a tricky bunch. Red, how do we get there? Let's say we're crazy enough to do this. How do we get there? I mean, the widow says that she hops up on top of the tram between middle and upper glater on and just kind of jumps

to one of the old tunnels. Apparently, you can see the track hanging down at one of the old tunnels. Oh, what tramp surfing? You will indeed have to tramp surf. God, I love this shit. I wish I had fucking old, because I absolutely cannot go on this quest. I'm going to be the getaway driver, but if I could, I would. Red, I had a little notion that I might share,

which is if we could get someone to destroy those little purple orbs, we could make it all rainy and cloudy up there. That's an interesting idea. You know those little orbs that control the weather a touch of glitter on and yes. Yeah, how did those work on there? Oh, how did it, yeah, yeah, look it.

It's an arcane weather control technology. And then I explain more because I learned about it in this three class. Wow, that's really interesting. Yep. Just a little tidbit I picked up. I don't know how. Is that called a power point?

I mean, you're essentially talking about walking into a castle courtyard and Stealing a bunch of lamp posts. That would be pretty difficult. All right, so if we're going into this mountain You're gonna be Waiting out here, right what about old cob? Oh I think he's in I called cob Yeah, I need a team. I take out my stone. Do I have service in the sky does my stone have service in the sky? It sounds it sounds really distant Okay, all cops sounds like he's in a wind tunnel. I turned to I turned to red. You're gonna love this guy

He's hilarious All right, I'll put it on speaker This is old cob Green's old friend Moonshine here. I got a favor And I moonshine here, I got a favor. Rather, I have an invitation. What's that? I love a good party.

I was already laughing. Well, as you may have heard, we're trying to break out young Bev's father. And we think that you should get in on this. I whispered him in shine. He's kind of a sharpshooter, right? Maybe he could take out the the weather spheres. You ever turn that blunder bus on a magical sphere of weather control? Not specifically, you know, O'Cob kind of takes pride in having been around the block so you kind of stomp me on that one. No, I'm not shot a magic weather or before

Well, perhaps that's a block you need to go around So are you suggesting I go up to the castle by myself? We'll walk into the courtyard and start shooting out Magic posts. You're the man and start shooting out magic posts. You're the man old cop. Sounds like you might want to go and up in the stocks with his head cut off. You know what, old cop, you're right.

My toe stepped a little beyond my reach. So I would say if there was anything that you thought that you could do. You know what, I can shoot shit. Ha ha ha. Yeah, we can also just like maybe meet up and workshop this. If if nothing that I'm saying is fine and you know, yeah, maybe we need like a brainstorming session.

Yeah, let's pick a bold cop. All right, we gotta touch this airship down red. Oh, old cop. You'll never believe this. We are on an airship and red. Oh, old cop, you'll never believe this. We are on an airship and would you believe who we ran into? Who, Tilt, was it somebody from the creek? Oh, I'm sorry, no, it wasn't. But you know what did run into recently?

Who did you run into, my shit? Sorry, got off track. We ran into Hardwan's uncle. His uncle. Yeah, I thought you might like that story. I run into folk love. I'm from the creek. I run into people's uncles all the time. I'm pretty sure I'm your uncle, Woonchang. That's true. I believe we are related through a couple different webs. If you come across the widow, just don't shoot her with the blender bus we'll explain when we when we meet up alright yeah yeah just don't shoot the widow you got it all right us chatting like a couple of quick chatterboxes I'm

sorry about that yeah oh god I guess this phone call was premature we have a couple things to iron out I showed up in a wrinkly dress and I need to take it to the cleaners before I come to this date. I understand that metaphor. All right, old Cobb out. Much on out. Love old Cobb. Love old Cobb, I'm sorry guys,

I was premature in calling him. I think I told you to call him too. I just love to hear him. He sounded really cool. Yeah, he sounded cool guys. I like knowing that he knows what's up. I don't wanna keep old Cobb out of the loop. Yeah, he's definitely a cool guys. I like knowing that he knows what's up. I don't want to keep all cop out of the loop. Yeah Okay, he's definitely in for sure

But we may need to spell out to him what we should what we need him to do. Yeah, Mr We're doing a jailbreak here. This is a full on heist mr. Redd would we be able to count on the widow to help out with his plan or Is she kind of outside of our dominion in any way if she she's not out hunting the chosen, which she pretty much is all the time, unless she gets killed, in which case she usually... She tells me she kind of reappears back in her resting place, which is in those tunnels in the mines. Oh, okay. How long ago has she... did she kill herself in front of you? Um, uh, probably about a day ago. Did she kill herself and disappear? I have it. I can do that. She'll do that. She'll do that. She turned about a day ago. Did she kill herself and disappear?

I have it. Right, she did that. She'll do that. She turned into a fog cloud. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Storms, get it.

Oh, I see that. Oh, damn. I wish I knew her when she was my mom. What can I say? Yeah. All right, so why don't we take a rest on this, on the ship tonight? Preferably. Great crack of window,

because some nice natural window here. I mean, we're out on the deck. We're in the air right now. This is great. I know but I'm saying when I'm sleeping I'm assuming I'll be sleeping in the hole unless we're sleeping on the deck together in which case deck One big deck one big deck You guys pull up your sleeping bags Everyone kind of going into bed or what? Yeah, when China's gonna sleep again, she really felt like she fit in.

Last time she slept in, then she slept. We're getting in sync. Before we go to sleep, like as we're winding down, I go over to hard one and I just say to him, just one, you know, I'm here for you, whatever you need, But there's one thing that I need you to help me with and I and I take out my sword And I ask him to strike the engraving from it with his axe. Oh cool. Can I do that? Just like slash through it. Oh, don't just like fuck it up. Yeah, so it doesn't say stay cool glad Rosalina Just cut it up go for it don't don't break the sword um alright so I take my take my axe I in I cross out stay cool and I just write

fuck over glad Roselle so it says fuck glad Roselle I really cut it into it yeah there's like a dispelled magic effect on it. Oh, so it's not magic in here. They were spying on us. You just, they're a magic effect, dispelled. Can I do like detect magic to find out what it was? The magic is gone. The magic has been dispelled.

Can I say longer magic sword? Yeah, is it no longer a magic sword? Can I say no? It is no longer a magic sword. Yeah. But it is still a magic word. Huh. It is still a master work sword. It's still a plus one sword. It's not magic in here. But it's not longer a magic sword down, but it is still a magic word. Oh, it is still a masterwork sword

It's still a plus one sword. Okay, but it's not magic. All right. Sorry y'all. We might have been getting spied on Yeah, there's a chance that well I Did my sweep for bugs, and I didn't even think to looking bebs pocket Yeah, it's as fuck now That's right. Beth. Nice one. Give him a deck, his humor patch. That's pretty good. Give it to Hard one.

He's killing it a lot. I laboriously sew it onto Hard one. Great. It's not my travelers' book now. That's the entire night. Well, everybody's falling asleep. Can I walk up to the... It's steered by a big guy. Yeah, come yeah, it's like a big pirate ship essentially. Yeah, I want it's up there kind of driving it

I want to take a look at the take a look at the wheel. Do you want to put my hand on it? Do you want to drive? Yeah? All right, right. Regi goes out of the way and lets you drive you guys are just kind of gliding at this point. That's cool. Hey kid, you know, I'm sorry that the door of the finish was tough, but you know, I'm, I am a rat man and my life sucks too. So I hope you know, we didn't, we didn't drop you off to get rid of you.

Your mother didn't want to get rid of you, but life just sucks, you know what I mean? Yeah. It just sucks. You know what I mean? Yeah. It just sucks ass, dude. Everything, everything in my life has been...absolute. It was hard earned. That's why my name is Hard One. Yeah.

You know, do you want to know your real name? I'm a little afraid, because Hard One's pretty awesome. That's a good name. I mean, I don't go by my real name either, so don't sweat it. I'm a little afraid because hardwood's pretty awesome. That's a good name. I mean, I don't go by my real name either, so don't sweat it. People call me red because of my red hair. I'm gonna start calling you gray pretty soon, huh, Red? That's fucked up.

That's fucked up. But you know what? That's the kind of ball bust in what you used to do here on the SS store for. I think I like the SS store for red. Yeah, we used to call ourselves the band of dudes. Just a bunch of dudes up in the air, riding around, having a good time. Wow, our crew calls ourselves something pretty damn similar.

Ah, red. What is my birthday? Your Elias Stormborn the second. I place my hands on the same wheel that my dad used to turn, and I just nod. Munchine interrupts this with a knight terror about Shay. I'm scared. You see, hard one, as you put your hand on the steering wheel, lightning, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh So that's a full rest. Yeah, you guys get a full rest. So it is now the morning before Bev's dad's execution.

You guys wake up after sleeping beneath the stars in the air. The sun is rising, it is peeking out from behind the mountain and the castle of Galatoron. The sunlight is cascading off of the ocean on this beautiful morning. Munchan's rummaging through the food supply to see what they've got, see what she wants to make. What's in there? Dried oats and stuff. And it's just spits in her hand

and voicins up the oats. I mean like my mom gave us some salted pork and things that could last for a while. I think my mom gave us some breakfast bars Yeah, you guys have food. We got more of those buns too. Yeah, great. I'm gonna eat a moonshine spit Spit I would be I whip up some nice videos. I really like it. I love crick-food I've got the buns. Oh, Sliders for you I've got the bun. I made all the sliders for you. Just oatmeal on a bun.

I put the buns back into my pouch. No, the oats are good. It seems fine. All right, so if you guys are going into the mountain, you guys just want us to wait at the docks. When you guys escape, you come down to the docks and we'll shoot off again and fly off. Yeah, that sounds good.

The last thing I would say is, so obviously, I'm a bit fixated on coming up with some kind of distraction, perhaps that is extraneous and we don't even need that. Us going up and suddenly blowing up the front of the castle or something isn't going to help you guys down in the mountain. It's only going to make it obvious that a jailbreak is in place. That's fair. While Red was talking, I had the best idea for it.

We should send in a children's theater group to put on a show. I know, just the kids. We've done some jail breaks in our days and you don't want to make a big fucking scene You make a big scene and then you just got a battle on your what about a little scene like the size of a child's theater Truth, you know, I don't think the king and all of his men are gonna come out to watch some kids singing But if that's what you'd like to do honestly, I don't really know you lady You seem nice enough. You're my friend's kid's friend.

I'm saying you cocktails, sir. That is absolutely true. I actually have quite a bit of a hangover for that. I am a functional alcoholic. I do drink quite a bit. Damn red. My dad gets a CD company and I love it. All right, I rescind my need to get a distraction.

Let's just bring Old Cobb into the mountain with us. Yeah, wait, here's an idea. Let's meet up with Old Cobb and then get him to give the stone to Red so that we can contact him when we're ready to go. Young Bev, I'm giving you your logistics patch. That is good. Wow. We give red the stone and we take old cob

into the mountain with us, right? Yeah, yeah. We ask him if he wants to come. You never know. It's true. He's a wily one. Yeah. All righty, well, what's the land this thing in?

And get going. All right, kids. You want to call old cob as we're touching down. Call the cob to meet us at upper or middle glater on middle glater on tram station. Cool. So I call them. I tell them that. Great.

Do you want to act that out? There's no. What about speaker? We're a giant. Okay. Yeah. Of course. I put them on the speaker.

I say, uh, meet us at the, I was going to say mid guard. That's not what it's called. That's final fantasy. Seven. A middle glater on. Middle glater on a tram station. at the, I was gonna say mid guard, that's not what it's called. That's not a fantasy, seven, a little. A little later on, a middle later on a tram station. You got it. Feel free to wear it to disguise if you feel like that'd be fun. Ooh, that might be, I might put on a new hat.

Oh boy. All right, moonshine out. No one better new old cop. Oh, cop out. Cool. Cool. So red lands the ship and goes and pokes it in the dock. You see it's sunrise, so there are dock workers kind of getting there for the day and showing up and working on individual ships.

Should we try and do we need to kind of stealth our way out? Or are we going to? Let's just, you know, let's just, we're just normal people in a normal city. Just taking the tram. Make sure to leave that stone with red. Cool. I said, you know, don't look through we're just normal people in a normal city. Just taking the tram. Make sure to leave that stone with red. Cool. I said, you know, don't look through the pictures.

There might be something in here. Oh, all right. So you'll call me when you need us to come pick you up. Yep. Got you. Yes, sir. Guys, be careful in there, because Widow says there's like fucked up stuff like goat men.

Is it ever here, goat men? Y'all, I'm just gonna say this. I think we're more fucked up than anything that's in there. Yeah. I'm not scared of goat men. You're never here goat men. Yeah, I'm just gonna say this I think we're more fucked up than anything That's in there. Yeah, I'm not scared of goat men. We've got a lot of we've let a lot of adjective plus men all right If I don't see you again Thank you. Hey kid It was an honor knowing you briefly as my adopted nephew I'm, you know, I'm pretty sorry that I left you in a terrible place,

but you would have a shit life living with me and gone through. It sucks, sucks here man. It was gonna suck no matter what. It was gonna run. Life sucks kid. That's right. But it used to rule, man, before you guys were around, whoo, there were adventures to be had giants around us.

We're gonna live in the ocean. We're gonna live in the ocean. Oh, the whole gang. Oh, it's crazy. Yeah, we'll tell you what, Red, one last job. One last job. We're gonna make things suck a little less. Calucalay.

Calucalay, that's the thing we say. Cool, so you guys like going up to the tram? Yeah. So you guys told Old Cop to meet you at the middle glater on the tram. Yep. So you guys told all the cops to meet you at the middle Glateron tram. Yeah, okay So you guys get to the lower Glateron tram and You guys see a bunch of people kind of waiting there to go to work for the tram and you also see

Three chosen paladin guys like kind of standing guard over near the tram Okay, before we go over there three of us need to split up just same car stand on opposite sides though. Yeah, cool, good plan. Cool, so the tram arrives and you guys see that there are like three cars that can hold about 15 people each that pull up into the station. You see the chosen guys wait for a second,

kind of eye you guys for a second, and then they get onto the middle car. Can I stand near the chosen guys and like stealth near them and try to eat a drop? Sure. I take my neck or chit, and I put it over my head to disguise myself a little bit. Yeah.

Oh yeah, considering you're the boy of the guy who's sent some sort of. I'll put the boy of the guy who's sentenced to murder. I'll put my hood over from a traveler's cloak on my way. I'm a braids person of interest to be sure. I shove my distinctive possum into my overall bib. So these chosen guys get onto the tram. You guys and a crowd of seven or eight other people,

you guys fill up this tram car and so moonshine you have like your hood up and you're sitting near them. Uh-huh. I have my cow hide hood up. Cool. Yihah. Um, these guys are just sitting there not saying anything. Okay.

I guess I'll have to be okay with that then. Maybe I'll lean over and say I just want to thank you boys for your service Think we are all brothers and sisters of the light. We just serve the light that is I'm just saying y'all are cleaning up this city And I could not be more grateful Give me a floor be with you Give me a floor B with you. I got 20. Okay cool. This guy goes it's an honor to defend you and everyone in the city, Melady. I've found myself in blush.

So you guys get to the tram pulls into the middle, go later on tram station, and you see Olcob waiting there at the tram station. He's got a different hat. He's got like a bandana on. It's kind of ball tight. Maybe go back to the old hat, Olcob. He's not on the tram. You guys said, you got to get a tram station. We're getting off.

Yeah, so you all get off. Is there like a vending machine I can go diddalat until the train leaves the station again? Okay, so you guys, because I want those guys to them and their train to go away. Okay. Since I made myself known to them.

As you guys get off the tram, you see those three guys follow you guys out of the tram into the station. And as you look around the crowd, you see that there were three other guys in the train in front of you and in the train behind you. So there's nine guys. Nine guys.

Okay, so we don't convene again. We don't convene. No, yeah. Okay. Um, fuck. Okay. Can I try and like walk a bit away and see if they follow me or if they're like, sure. Yeah, I'm going to try and lead them away.

Okay, so you start to walk off? Yeah, maybe just towards like a newspaper stand or like a soda fountain. Right, those things that they haven't deleted. If there's like a Johnny Rockets, I don't know. Sure, yeah, you can just round the corner. Yeah, there are... There are little shops and stands and such.

Okay, cool, yeah, I head towards a shop. What is everybody else doing? There are little shops and stands and such. Okay, cool. Yeah, I head towards a shop. What is everybody else doing? Well, I would like to watch this. Okay. Because I have something I'd like to do, but I want to see what they have there. They have a little deception check. Okay.

I go down to my knee and pretend to tie my shoe. That's going to be a nine. Okay. Cool. So you walk off trying to act casual. These guys don't move. Why don't you give me a perception check, hard one and moonshine, if you guys are kinda looking over at them.

Ooh, that's gonna be 25. 25. Yeah, you definitely saw them like shoot a glance over at Beverly as he walked around the corner I don't know what did I see These guys are just fucking this was just their stop man. I think they're just calling it a day early. They're hungry for Jersey Mike's Okay, I'm I would like to are there any like little beggars? I'm gonna say anything to old cob? Olkop's just standing there.

Let me, I make eye contact with Olkop and I kind of like give him like a not yet. Like a no, okay. So Olkop tries to like he, he gives you a, hmm, he's as natural. Yeah, he's act natural. He's just spitting.

Are there any beggars around? Sure, oh my God. I would like to, I would like to I would like to Approach one, okay. Hey, you're looking to make some coin. I'll pretty much do anything for a copper all right I'm trying to stay discrete and I need a distraction Oh, the distraction finally comes to me. What did you have in mind? I would like you to just go about 20 feet from here

and just start screaming, bloody murder. Oh, okay. And what do you do for me? I'm gonna give you 10 gold pieces. Hell yes, I will scream for 10 gold pieces. I will scream for 10 gold pieces. Hell yes, I will scream for 10 gold pieces. I will scream. I'll just scream for 10 gold pieces. Well, actually, if you can't go, then buy.

You can't, no, you can't, you can't take it back. You gotta give me, you gotta get that gold. No, it'll be 10. I would like to take a second to just decide exactly precisely what I want you to do. I would like you to, I don't want you to hurt someone else, but can you pretend to hurt someone else? I can just push a guy over I'll just punch a guy in the head Malora, I don't think I see the fucking gold

Oh, shit, you know what? Gold you said you're gonna give me 10 gold All right, all right, you don't I don't like your title the 10 gold. I'm gonna fucking scream right now Yeah, shit. Oh, okay. I know what you're trying to Tangold. I'm gonna fucking scream right now. Yeah, shit. Oh, I don't know what you're trying to talk to. I want you to go start a freaking fire. You want me to start a fire?

Yeah. That's gonna cost you 50 gold. No, it's gonna cost me Tangold. Otherwise, the deals are. Fuck you, right. Give me 10 golds and I'll go start a fire. And while you're doing it, scream. Yeah, just hand me the gold and I'll do it. Okay, here's seven gold. The other three are coming when you- You know I'm doing it, Scream. Yeah, just hand me the gold, and I'll do it.

Okay, here's seven gold. The other three are coming when you- You know I'm gonna get- The other three are coming when I'm making- I'm gonna have to run. I'm gonna have to run. I'm gonna have to run. Yeah, and I'll meet you on the other side.

I don't fucking trust you. All right, here's fucking 10 gold, I don't care. But just know, I have a photographic memory. You don't start that fire and scream, bloody murder, I'm gonna find you and I will skin you alive and I will make you into a hot play to gumbo. Hard one heard all of that as he's telling you.

Shoot. Super fun. Beverly is ordering a Rubin. Yeah, Beverly's at a food truck. Beverly, as you're at the food truck, suddenly this crazed vagrant runs up yelling, and just lights a maltop cocktail. Oh no. And tosses it in the food truck.

Oh jeez. And it explodes. You guys see these paladin guys all run and take off towards the fire as another 3 tram cars pull up. Great. Okay, let's have, oh, cap! Yep, get on the track! Get on the track!

We're doing this. Good shit. Oh, cap, gets on to the tram car with you guys. So six of these guys are distracted by the fire, but you guys see as the tram doors are closing, three of these night guys get into the car with you. Oh shit. And the one that you just talked to,

Moonshine goes, stop, you're on your rest. Okay, I have a bunch of the roof. I say, come, cut me up, be your bitch. So you'll need to either smash a window with a pretty high DC, or you'll have to like go through the cars in between and climb up. Yes, they're like a little like panel. It's like a think of like a New York subway. Okay, there's like the little connector things.

I've got a little do that. He's a good climber. Okay. Yeah. So you guys are gonna take off. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Everybody roll initiative and I'll see if they grab you guys before you get away. Can I? I got a five. I got a 20. Can I shout? I'll ask them. I'll ask them. Ooh, that's a five as well. OK, cool.

So hard one, you act first. These three guys have just gotten on the tram with you. You see, everyone else are just these normal commoners. They look super scared. These nights draw their swords and yell that you guys are under arrest. I won you act first. So I am going to use my axe, break the window of the car, and then scamper up, and can I just put my arm down for? Give me an attack roll on the glass.

So 20. 20. Yeah, you smash the glass. So 20. 20, yeah, you smash the glass. And I'll let you use your movement if you wanna do a athletics check to see how quickly you get up. So if I roll high, can I get up and then also extend like the wood part of my axe to moonshine it?

Sure. Bev. Oh nice. Hell yeah, because it is a 26. Awesome. Hard one, smash it is a 26. Awesome. Hard one, smashes the window, jumps out, climbs on top of the tram, moving super fast. Right now you guys are outside of the mountain,

so all of the wind is hitting you. Is my hair look? Oh, your hair looks awesome. It's blowing in the wind. Oh damn. You're a crick-knot blowing in the wind. Oh my god. Oh my god.

You hold down the butt of your axe for the other guys to grab. And pop-hop And floppy little crick-knop. You hold down the butt of your axe for the other guys to grab. And pop-hop can climb up my crick-knop. Ha ha ha ha ha. Sounds grosser every time you say it. The Knights actually go next. So the first Knight is going to go after moonshine and take a swing on her.

18 to hit. That's gonna hit. Cool, he's swinging a great sword for nine damage, and then he takes a second hits, and he is going to miss on his second attack. Second guy is going to go for Beverly, takes a swing, misses on his first swing, takes a swing, hits on his second swing for eight damage.

The third knight is going to do an athletics check Hits on his second swing for eight damage. Okay. The third knight is going to do an athletics check to climb out the window and he succeeds. He gets out the window and he grabs onto the butt of your axe hanging off the side there. I'm gonna need you to do an opposed strength check against this knight to see if you have to let go of your axe Oh, no fall off. Can I swing my one of my throwing axes at his hand? Nope

So that is a 16 you beat him by one. Oh So this guy gets out by the side of the tram car He's yanking at your axe and you guys are just in this tug of war. That is you, moonshine. So I'm just gonna look at the guy who just hit me and say, I think you might be seeing things. I think you might be chasing ghosts. And then I'm gonna put my hand on Beverly

and cast invisibility. Oh! Ah! And then... What? She's a witch! And then... What? Which? She's a witch! And then I'm just gonna run.

Okay. So he's gonna get an attack of opportunity as you run away. And he rolls a one. So he's a... Yeah baby! He goes to attack you. He stumbles over Beverly. And then I'm like, yeah.

Yeah, you see your judgment might be off, friend. What? I'm running away. I'm gonna try and go into another car. So you open the door, get in between the cars, you going up or you going to the other car? Oh, no, no, I'm going up. If I can go out there and you can go.

Give me an athletics check. Come on, I'm gonna try. I'm not one. You got a net one. I'm hanging on. I'm hanging on. And then from my overall bib, Papa's hanging on. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. like the beginning of each fence. So I'm hanging on, I'm hanging on,

and then from my overall bed, Papa's hanging on. Oh my gosh. Oh my lord, this is too much. I said, don't worry baby, I'm gonna take care of you. Okay, hard one while you're on top of the car, I need you to go ahead and roll me a perception check. Oh dear. Uh oh.

4, 7, 0, 11. 11, okay, You do see it. There is a stalagite heading right towards you like hanging low. So you will get advantage on this dexterity saving throw. Roll a dexterity saving throw. 24, 23. So while you're wrestling with this dude who's hanging off the side, he's trying to grab your axe, you're pulling it back.

You turn to your right, you see ahead of you on the track, there's a low hanging stalag tight that would like decapitate you. You pull the axe back and roll out of the way and lay low just as the car passes the hanging obstacle. Like the end of speed. Does it, does a stalagite hit the chosen guy? No. Like the end of speed. Does it, does a, the stalactite hit the, the chosen guy? No, he's on the side. He's hanging on the side.

But now he's, he's not hanging out to my axe anymore. He's not hanging on to your axe anymore. He fall, go back into the, he's hanging out to the car. He's, he's hanging onto the car. He was like hanging on with one hand while yanking you with the left hand. Okay. And that is Beverly.

All right, invisible Beverly. And invisible boy. Where are you invisible boy? Where did that invisible boy go? I stifled my laughter. He must be lovin' this. So I'm going to cast Nature's Wrath. Whoever's closest to me, I'll cast spectral vines,

and then I'm going to book it towards Munshah. He is going to roll a Well, I'll cast spectral vines and then I'm gonna book it towards Moonshep. He is going to roll a deck save as vines come up out of nowhere. Yep. Which of you herdex did this? Oh, I just rolled a D12. I was like, that's a big D20. These numbers are really big. A nad one.

Yeah, he's totally tied up in these vines The visible boy he did it He's magic that boy and I whisper fuck galadros What And then I run to try and help moonshine well you run out to moonshine. Yeah, you can use your movement I'll say instead of climbing up if you want to just just help Moonshine up as you guys are in this little connector. I do. And I whisper, it's me Beverly. I'm invisible. She knows.

I do wonder who's looking out the window just sees me around. Yes. Moonshine is suddenly picked up by a tiny ghost. Oh, Malora? Is that you? Malora. Moonshine gets to fly yet again. Papa's being dramatic. he's still hanging off like kind of as a joke. Just goof off.

I whisper to you. Play it up. Play it up like you're a witch. Um, okay, pretend to levitate. And I, yeah. You see, now it is Ol' Cobbs turn. Oh, yeah. He's here.

Ol' Cobbs there. You guys called Ol' Cobbs. There's nothing I can do about it. You guys just get a cool guy that comes with you. Fuck yeah. And he just goes, well, looks like old Cobb's gonna get an outdoor seat. I don't know what he shoots a window.

He shoots a window. Oh, Eddie Crits. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,its! Oh! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God, just... Oh! Buss out a window with his blunderbuss, and he'll do an athletics check to climb out. He doesn't do a good job. See, he blows it out with his blunderbuss,

and he just hangs out, and he's just kind of hanging off the side. He blows out too much of the window. There's not enough left to grip. Oh, that hurts. That hurts, old cob. As he slodged, then there's a little piece of rope. Bless.

And that is hard one. Hard one. You are atop the train. I guess I'm going to swing at the guy that's trying to hang onto the other guy. We're wrestling with for the axe. Yeah, I'm gonna swing that dude I crit Okay, so right roll 3d 12 wow ones and 20s all around I love it with lash baby

21 21 damage. Damn. Yeah, you slashing to the dude as he's hanging on. Where's Polar now, bitch? Ha ha ha. Well, they don't worship Polar. Yeah. Oh, they don't. Yeah, they worship polite.

Yeah. So as he's hanging on, he's starting to pull himself up. You cut across his back, you get under his armor and his back. And he just goes, ah, fuck, damn it up. Yeah, I shouldn't have climbed out, I shouldn't have climbed out, shouldn't have climbed out, there's a bad idea. That is the night's turn. Oh, you know what?

Yeah, it's not his turn yet. I'm gonna use my, Oh, you get another attack. Oh yeah, I get another attack. Yeah. It's trying to get two attacks. Look at that, I learned the character a little bit. Red so proud, 20, not a nap, but it's 20.

That does hit. Cool. That is a, nine. Red so proud 20 not a nap, but it's 20 that does hit cool That is a Night he is still alive, but he is upset and he is hurt I'm upset and hurt. Ow. I'm trying to climb here. I'm gonna use my action search Top of a train just critting and surging. Okay, and that is a 21. That hits. That hits.

All right. And that is a 12. He is barely alive. And I get another. You fully, you fully like cut his arm off as he's just hanging there. Dan. Oh, please. Yeah.

Oh, fucking kill me. All right. Yes. 25. Nice. It's, finish him. He's hanging by one arm off the side of the tram. I turned to my axe, Gemma.

And I say, I choose you to die on the train And I cut up his other arm and I'll fall to his death. Oh Lunchbirds everywhere you see him bounce off the tracks behind you brutally. Oh There are other people on the train, right sure are they're horrified Oh, you don't see that every day. Just checking in. Oh shit This always happens on the G. So somebody's just late for work. So the one dude is still covered in vines. He can't do anything until the end of his turn.

So this will be the end of his turn. Any rolls of damn too. Woo! Still, it's just like, find that invisible boy. Find him. The bill just thinks he's losing his mind, baby. And this other night runs into the connector car. Okay, that's where I want it.

Oh, we haven't scrambled up yet. No, you guys haven't scrambled up yet. He's just going to take a swing at Munchang. Bring it on. And he misses. He knows another two. These guys are the new band of two, huh? Oh, but he hits on his second attack.

That's fun. Oh, boy. Not for a second attack. That's fine. Oh boy, not for a lot though, five damage. Okay, I take it in a way that he thinks that he didn't hit me. I keep this witch thing. I saw you. I saw that I hit you. Or did you? Fuck. I never thought of it like that. Or did you? I whisper. Oh, the light! Is that you? Yes. I never thought of it like that. Or did you?

I whisper. Who? The light. Is that you? Yes, it's me. I am the light. Tone the heral himself in the train. Yeah.

This swings his great sword wildly. I call you to service. Kill the possum. Kill the possum. No. I'm kidding. Peace yourself and jump off a train. OK, wait.

Moonshot just went? No. Moonshot hasn't got yet. OK, sorry. Moonshot. Your turn. Okay, how wide is this plank? I asked because I have, it's tight.

So I have this thing that would cause him to move five feet in a random direction. That would be bad for him. Okay, so I would like to cast infestation on him. Okay. And I would like to say, do you take a shower this morning? What is that? I take the shower at the end of the day.

There's nothing wrong with that. You get sweaty. Why take a shower first thing in the morning when you're fresh, right? I thought that might be the case because you look a little dirty. And then I cover it. I infest him with fleece. What does he have to do? He must succeed at constitution saving throw

or take one D6 poison damage and move five feet in a random direction. Okay. He fails. Okay, so here's what I'll do. So it's a random direction. Yeah. So I'll say-

It says it on here. You roll a D4. One is north, two is south, three is east and four is west. Okay, so I'll say it says it on here. It's a you roll a D4 One is north to his south three is east and four is west. Okay, so roll it if he falls If he falls east or west, I'll say he rams in between the cars if he falls north or south I'll say he falls onto the tracks wait can we flip a coin? Can we flip the Yeah, we can just yeah, we can just do oh yeah, we've got a we've got a coin here. Let's flip a coin Okay, so once in it's a bunch of coins, fantasycoins.com.

Shout out, you got your shout out. You got your shout out. Check out the Kickstarter. But all right, so one side is shield, one side is helmet. Okay, so let's say helmet is falling out of the traps. Okay, okay, okay, okay, no, no, I like this, it's good. Helmet. Oh yeah, I'm doing it! You coveredmet. Oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and he gets sucked back out and you see him get crushed in between the trick cars and the side dope.

That'll show have no god but Pellor. Oh, and then I use my movement to climb up that uh... Yeah, okay, so yeah, do an athletic show. And I say pop up, quit pussyfooting and get pop babes. Rang! He's so hanging off. Pop up, I was doing it for the gram. Ooh, okay, I got a 22.

As you climb up, I'm gonna need hard one and you moonshine to do a perception check. That's 20. That's all nice. 15. 15. Okay, you guys both see it coming and you guys both have advantage on your dexterity checks. You see that the tunnel narrows at the top and if you're on top of the train right now you're going to fucking crack into it and die. So I have to climb right back down. So I'll say since you were climbing up and you rolled a net 20 so you kind of see you poke your head up and they're just just like, nope, okay. And you poke your head back down. So you're hanging off the side there.

You're okay. Hard one, roll with advantage, dexterity. Saving throw. Yeah. Great, that's 23. Okay. And another 23. Cool.

So tell me how you do it. Do you want to try to lay down and test it or do you want to jump on the sides? Ideally, I'd like to dig both my throwing axes into the side and sort of do like a swinging move back through the window off the train. Hell yes, it's fucking dope. Yeah, roll me in acrobatics check, but I'll say no matter what you get to the side. It's just a matter of like how bad it is. It's not gonna be that bad as that's because that was a three.

So hard one has this awesome idea. I look over to Moon China and say, I'll be okay, watch this. You jump over, you stick your axes in, it's purely made of metal, they do not stick in, you quickly recover and use your hands instead, and now you're hanging on the side of it. Three.

Ah! You're just like using muscles you don't normally use, like those little finger muscles that you track climbing. My finger pull these. Should've got bouldering. And that is Beverly. Invisible Bev. Invisible Bev. Invisible, the Invisible Bev! Okay, cool, I guess I'm just going to,

are we past the narrow part? No, you guys are still, the terrain goes after moonshine's turn. So right now the terrain is still low. Okay, you can just say you prepare a reaction or you wait on your turn or you can attack the guy who's in the car or you can get up next to moonshine or you can climb on the side. Yeah, I don't want to go out of my way to mess up the guy who's restrained currently.

Okay, so I'll just, I guess I'll just prepare an action. I'll kind of, I'll shout at them and be like, are you okay? I think you should kill the guy that's restrained. He's just going to get to the top of Galator on and tell everybody what we're doing. I run over to the guy who's restrained and say like, the light is forsaken you. You must remain in pinnets.

Cross-strate yourself. Cross-strate yourself that far the lies. I remember Bebson Visible, so he's just hearing this. I saw you turn invisible, you little prick. I slap him. He takes the damage with my shield. OK. Yeah, do you want to attack him?

Or what do you want? I would like to render him unconscious of possible. OK, go for an attack with advantage. OK. Oh, is he restrained? If I roll twice because of advantage and I get a one on my second roll, do I get to reroll that? Yes. Nice. That is a one on my second roll do I get to re-roll that yes nice

That is a question for a bad roller It was like a five it was a seven and a one and then I re-rolled the one and got a five so something cool You somehow land directly on his helmet don't don't go ah that hurt a little bit What's this AC because you don't have to tell me that but- He's wearing full play armor. Alright cool. Cool. That is Old Cobb. Nice. Yeah. Hanging off the side and he goes, well it's been a long time since I've been

rot in the subway quite like this. I mean I'm used to economy but this is nuts. It's the Old Cobb humor. I'm not gonna do anything this turn but I'm gonna prepare a reaction just to keep some fucked up shit happens down here. You're the man old cop. Hey, thank you, hard one. That is you, hard one.

Maybe I'll get myself in the train. We can't see the like secret passage yet. He told you that if you get on top of the train at one point between middle and upper go later on, there will be a track that you can jump to in like an abandoned tunnel. Okay, so you guys have to be up there at some point. Yeah, so I guess I'm just gonna keep on hanging on to it.

You might as well prepare an action and if you see, you know, Yeah, I don't really have any actions to prepare. You could just have an axe be like, I chop off anybody who comes through this window. Great, that's what I do. Tight, cool. So you're gonna hold an action, attack anybody that comes through the window that you went out. Yep. Great. That is the knight who can't do shit because he's restrained. He's gonna do a strength check to get out and he crits. So he finally bursts from the vines and he is upset. Where are you invisible boy?

I'm I'm nowhere in every word the same time. You're a bad boy. I don't know if people have ever told you that you're a good boy, but you need to prostrate yourself Oh my gosh, don't do it then Hard one yelling through the window. Don't prostrate yourself, then everyone on the train is just acting like this is New York showtime I'm ever just looking down Is anyone throwing coins at it? Everybody's just trying to get there just like, oh this shit again. They're looking at their stones. Fucking go later on. Fucking D&D cities. Crazy shit's always happening here. I get, all right.

Well, it's not my turn. So the night, the night just burst out, the other two are fucking dead. That is you, moonshine. Okay. So you're on the side here. I'm hanging on the side. I'd like to stay hanging on the side, but I'm gonna cast heat metal on his armor, unlike his chest plate. Turn him into a goddamn jump alarm. I think that, yeah, any creature in physical contact with the object takes to D8 fire damage.

I don't think he even has a saving threat. Go for it. And then as a bonus action, I can make him take this damage again. Okay, go for it. So you can just sizzle his nips with the snap of your finger? Yes I'm gonna sizzle this. I'm gonna toast you in this stuff like. Why isn't it a proper error in here? There's why I take the hot air balloons. I feel fine shaking my hand away. Why don't we take the hot air balloons?

Where are you invisible boy? Stop dropping roll. You gotta prostrate yourself. There's hot. Hot in this armor. Prostrate yourself. Prostrate yourself. So he takes eight damage from his scalding breast. Hey. Hey. Till the spell ends, I can use a bonus action

on each of my subsequent turns to cause this damage again. If a creature is holding or wearing the object and takes damage from it, the creature must succeed on a constitution saving throw or drop the object if it can. If it doesn't drop the object has disadvantage on attack rolls. Okay. Inability checks until the start. All right, so I'll say that you're doing it until like his breastplate. Yeah. Cool. Um, constitution saving throw, he fails. So does that mean that he will see he starts to take off his breastplate? Is that what did you do to be a visible boy?

Cross-trade yourself. What is your do to be a witch boy? And then I just keep hanging on the thing. The light she'll take your nipples. No! I'll use my quote unquote movement just to keep an eye out for whatever's coming ahead. Moonshan, since you said that, roll me a perception check with advantage.

Hard one, you roll mi a perception check. I got 22. I got a net once. You're going to have to tell me. Holy shit. I will, I'll shout. OK, Olkov also got a bad perception rule. So Olkov's is up there laughing with you.

A bit of brother economy, right? What do I see? You see that the tunnel is narrowing at the sides and that it's opening up up top. I said, oh, come, jump up! We got a narrow tunnel ahead. Everybody do an athletics check. Do I have to do something?

I'm still. That's a nat 20. You're good. You're good. Oh, god. Okay. So you guys. Look, I got a nat 20.

I want to hop up there and extend my arm for old Cobb. Okay, I'm gonna say, okay cool. Moonshine sees it, stays in between the cars, yells to a hard one who is just laughing with Old Cobb. Hard one turns, sees. He grabbed me up Old Cobb. Sees that it's narrowing, hops up to the top, grabs Old Cob-crap me up, old cop. C-s that it's narrowing. Hops up to the top, grabs old cob,

and pulls him up, but old cob bashes his shoulder on the side and takes nine damage, but you're able to pull him up. Sorry about that, old cop. Ah, shit. I should have been looking out, that's not bad. Old cop ain't no stranger to danger. That's right. You get my good old cut.

I really need the first time I've been hit by a fast-moving rock on the top of my punch. Come on, old cut, we gotta see how this is going. Oh, good man. All right. We played Dodge, Bob, and Rocks down at the creek. This cop's got Colonel's spare. Everyone's just yelling that over the train.

That is Beverly's turn. Okay, so the sides are short, top is wide now, or top is tall. Yeah. Side short, top tall, top is tall. Like a cool haircut. Cool. And you guys know eventually you are going to, you guys know you are eventually going to need to be up there.

I guess I'll try again to render this soldier unconscious. Is this AC going to be worse because he's trying to be worse? Yeah, AC is going to be worse. Yeah, cool. And the process of AC is gonna be worse. Yeah, cool. Process of taking off his breastplate. Yeah, do you have two hits yet? I do have two hits. Oh, I could have used a second attack then. You should have done it. Whoops.

This time use it. Okay, you're gonna swing it this dude. Yeah, I'm gonna try this. Okay. All right, that's a four plus my attack. I just think he only has 12 AC right now. So did you just get a 12? I got a 12.

Oh nice, cool. Yeah, as you're taking his breastplate off, you slash him across the chest. I don't know what hurts more. I don't know what hurts more. The slashing of the fire and manipules. This is Pellor's punishment. Can I attack him again?

Yeah, go for your second attack. Oh, what was the damage? Oh, the most important part. Oh, what was the damage? Oh. The most important part. Oh, your damage invisible boy. I just realized we skipped Moon Giant's turn. All I was going to do was just use the bonus action to hurt him to do the more fire damage from the breastplate.

Sorry, Moon Giant. We'll do you after Bev. 10 damage? 10 damage? Cool. And then he's a pretty sturdy guy. Okay. Now I'm just trying to run around conscious okay yep oh that's a 16 plus a yep that's super hits

all right cool roll your damage it's a 6 plus 7 13 13 yeah okay he's starting to look pretty fucked up are you gonna try to climb up or anything Bev can I do that after attacking yes I'll let you guys I've been letting you guys use your movement to go up. I'll try and get up. Cool, I'll go out the back so that I can climb up the top without getting on the side. Cool. Roll and athletics check to see how quick you are about doing that. Banned of the twos.

The twos? Haunted by twos. Cursed by the band. Cool. You go to the little connector area between the two cars. You go to jump up and you miss grabbing onto the top and you're just still at the connector in between the two cars.

I get a flashback to the presidential fitness exam. When you couldn't do a pull-up and couldn't do a single pull-up. And Durlin could do two. Surprisingly strong. I did is old Cobb. Sorry, that is moonshine. Please stop skipping moonshine. All moonshine is going to do is she's going to do that extra to D8, that bonus action. Six. Okay.

Then I'm gonna hop up on to the... Give me an athletics check with advantage. Uh, that's gonna be 17. You hop right up there. You pull yourself up. Woo! And this guy has fully taken his breastplate off. Ah!

Cursing breastplate! Are his nipples, uh, so... How'd it be a little bit? Yeah, you see, it has burnt through his undershirt and he just has a very red chest It looks like he has really bad sunburn I don't know y'all I think we met him. We don't even need to kill this guy. We've destroyed his red belly He he went on to a Train full of passengers to clear someone was a witch, kept screaming about an invisible

pool and took his shirt off. Yeah, everyone's just not looking at it. I think they're going to discharge him on dishonorble leaves. Okay, that is Old Cobbs turn. Old Cobb is going to use his turn to just prepare an action, whatever needs to happen to jump or, or actually, Ol' Cobb doesn't even know the plan. So Ol' Cobb, to her C-hard one goes, hey buddy, what's the, what's the old point here

of being on top of this year's cards? Real badass and all, but, uh, oh yeah. We're gonna jump into a secret mind pretty soon. Hey, can I hold on to your phone? Right on He gives you the rock take my talking rock thanks dog and he's just alright. I'm waiting a jump Got nothing to love for your old cop So he he kind of squats and gets ready to jump Hard one that is your turn

I'm gonna can I just extend my hand and help Ev up? Yes, you can use your turn if you wanna just do like a strength check with advantage to pull him up. Oh wait, he's visible. I'm a visible shit. All right then, can I just lean over the- Can you do like a Marco Polo? Yeah, you can do a Marco Polo.

Yeah, I play my flute soon as well. I think it should be, oh, that's good. That's great. And I creep towards the edge of the train and playing my wooden block. Great magic. I got strength check with the advantage. Yeah.

Come and find me. I am here. Come and find me. Oh my dear. Come and find me. I'm your boy. Come and find me. Find my joy.

That's what they play in the pool. Out of boy, Bev, I rolled a 23. So I'm going to help him up. Yeah, you reach down grabbing at where you're hearing a boy play the pool. Out of boy, Bev, I rolled the 23, so I'm going home. Yeah, you reach down, grabbing at, we're hearing a boy play the flute, and you yank him up like a mama kitten by his neck fat, and pull him up on top of the train with you. That is...

I had one, it's me, I'm invisible, the knight, who is mad and out of the vines. And out of his chest, me. And out of his chest. Out of the vines, And out of his chest plate. Yeah, and out of his chest. Out of the vines, but into the weeds. So everybody's on the roof, Ronald. Yep, so this dude, this dude is going to do an athletics check. He's gonna climb out.

Let you get all the roof. Super successfully uses his action. He climbs up on the roof and he's up there and he goes. No breastplate, right? No breastplate on. Just red-chest chested red belly Do you see as he looks like this real built guy when he's got all the armor on But he's got a little bit of a gut a little bit of a punch and he looks at you guys

He said I said you are rested by the light And he's going to take a great sword swing at you hard one Braydon man you really shouldn't have climbed on this roof swinging so desperately at you hard one. Bray it on man, you really shouldn't have climbed on this roof. Just swinging so desperately at you and he misses. He swings down as you roll out of the way and he's going to take another swing at you and he's actually going to hit. Alright. So he jumps and he desperately, desperately is trying to take you to hell with him. And he gets, he does nine damage to you.

Cool. And that is moonshine's turn. This is not necessarily the most strategic thing. I just want to fuck with this guy. I'd like to cast infestation on him. Yeah. Okay, yeah, you cast it. I'll say. He has to see on a roll, right?

Yeah, he has to do a constitution saving throw. Okay, he's going to do a constitution saving throw. Emily, is it specifically a little fleas? Is that what the card says? It can be fleas? Fleas or any other parasites. Oh, I was just wondering what I'm gonna give him bed bugs if I can. I he passed So you see the bug start going all over his chest and he just slaps at them. Ah Damn you his skin is too hot for the bugs. Damn you bug woman and invisible boy. Hahaha.

Does he take half damage or anything? Hmm, I don't think so. Okay, he just successfully squashes the bugs. You think I haven't been to a cook out and smack some skeeters off my belly? Oh, hold on. Y'all have cookouts? Of course.

What we call them barbecues. You probably have a whole bunch of other people cooking to meet for you, right? No way, I'm in the grill. Oh, I kind of like that. You've seen this belly, I'm in the grill. Do you do dry rubber, wet roast? Dry.

I like everything dry. I love dryness. I love dryness. I can, okay. Everyone's got a healthy grill. Everyone is on top of the train. Give me a perception check. Because there is an important thing coming y'all.

Nice. I got a 23. Okay. Even with my zero modifier, I got a 19. Nice. Now I want to kind of recruit this guy for the mission. I got a 16. 16. Now I want to kind of recruit this guy for the mission. I got a 16. 16.

16. You guys all, including Old Cobb, you guys do see another tunnel deeper in the mountain that you guys are about to pass that there is a track hanging down almost like a ladder that you can jump to. So as it passes, I'm going to need everyone to make an athletics check. Since you guys athletics or acrobatics, since you guys have perceived it, you guys saw it coming, you guys have advantage on your checks.

So it is Beverly's turn as you guys rock it towards this track that's kind of hanging like a ladder out of this abandoned tunnel. I want to try something. I want to ready my rope. I want to like give one into the rope to someone else. And I want a misty the rope to someone else. Oh, okay. And I wanna misty step up to the ladder. Ooh, yes!

So that I can pully up everyone else. Wish I stopped. Okay, and then what I'll do is I'll plunge my sword into the side of the, whatever is there so that I can try and steady myself because I am the smallest person. You could definitely misty step up there, tie it around, and kind of have it as like a safeguard for somebody to grab.

I'll do that. I fail. Yeah, but as a little guy, I don't know that you could like pull up people. Okay, yeah, I'll just misty step up and tie a rope. Again, Bev is invisible, so we just... Yeah, we'll link itself up onto. Yeah, a rope just goes up. It looks like invisible Batman through it.

You get up onto this track in this abandoned tunnel Bev you are hanging there you stick your sword into the stone yeah and you got your rope tight up there and it is now hanging Not that bad old cops turn old cob goes well Haven't had to jump off a subway in a long time. That's not particularly clever, I apologize, jumps. With advantage, Ol' Cobb makes it. Ol' Cobb gets up to the ladder. Ol' Cobb, they call him Ol' Cobb, he's sprang. He scrambled. He scrambled.

That's a tough and his death. He scrambled up the track. Hard one, that is your turn. Got some pump and his jump. Still a few kernels on this cob. Say, 24, you said roll with advantage though? Yeah. You're gonna make it with a 24 anymore.

Cool, 24, let's go. Cool. You, how do you do this hard one? All right, cool. I'm gonna try the throwing axe thing again. Don't, yeah, you do that. Cool. I'll say with a 24, you succeed wildly enough

that you jump up and you use your two axes and instead of using the track like a very easy ladder Just an easy grab you stick your axes in and hang by the rocks. I make my own ladders And that is the night's turn. He is going to try to jump up onto the ladder too trying to jump up onto the ladder too. And he succeeds. Oh, I guess he could use my rope, huh? That's fun! So he jumps up and he is now hanging up on that.

I'd rather have it with them. On the track. He's heading back to up. Yeah, I think so. So that is you, Moonshine. So you're in sort of a precarious position because you've got this guy hanging there now. That's okay, I'm still gonna try and jump on it.

Yeah, go for it. Yeah. Yeah. 16. 16, you make it. So now, Moon Shine and this knight are both hanging there. His bare chest is up against you. Ah, ah, you're the one who gave me sunburned.

Ha, ha, ha. Um, Beverly, that is going to be your turn. Here's what, where you guys are right now. Hard one, Beverly, old Cobb, are all up in this abandoned tunnel. There's this track that is jutting down, like a ladder hanging down a little bit. And Moonshine and this night,

this bare-chested night are hanging there, wrestling each other. He's trying to pry her fingers, Bev, that's your turn. Okay. I shout down at the night. I am still invisible by the way. Yes. Hi, it's me, invisible boy.

Wait, don't if you attack, you lose your invisibility. Oh, is that true? Oh, the spell ends for a target that attacks or casts a spell. Got it, okay. So Bev, so we did that wrong. Right, so Bev, you are actually not invisible right now. Okay.

Okay, taking away the invisible once you attacked, but it didn't matter. He never got a chance to swing at you. He was always tied up in vines. So Bev, you're on. Okay, I say, hey, it's me Bev. Remember, I was invisible before. Yeah, you're not invisible now.

I'm gonna kill you and your friend. Cross-rate yourself. I already bare-chested myself. I'm gonna give you one chance. I don't wanna have to drop you onto this tram, but I will I Will return to the light and you all you all will be damned to the nine hells I don't know why you're trying to save this guy Yeah, you've preferred the light and I'm afraid you must be punished

Yeah, I'm gonna cast command which is just I say I'm gonna cast command and then you roll a dice. You must succeed on a wisdom saving throw. Okay, he feels, I guess I just say, stay. Okay, stay on the track. All right. Oh, we're, haven't, stay on the track. Just like stay hanging there. Yeah, just like freeze or stay. Yeah, I'll just say I shall stay

Good doggy. Oh, damn. I really helped me out. You got it Okay, cool fine. I like I feel like I need to stay Then it's old Cobbs turn old Cobb is just going to pull out his gun And blast this dudes's head off. Well, he just shoots him right in the face. The guy falls back onto the tram, it gets torn up even worse. And he turns to you, Beverly and goes,

sorry, but that guy just didn't have any hospitality. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Was he dead? The guy? He's super dead. Okay. Old Cobb pulls up up moonshine. Oh, man.

I'd like to, uh, strong grip, pan shake, old Cobb real quick. That's what's up. Put her there, brother. Oh, Cobb, that was great. Right. Mr. Cobb, we might disagree on methodology, but a success is a success. I shot that man in his face. You sure did.

That's about the funniest thing you could I shot that man in his face. That's just about the funniest thing you could put in that blunderbund. The real bullets for that dude's face, man. Um, okay, so what do we see now? So you guys, are we on a mining track? Yeah, you guys are on a mining track. So all you guys see is a pitch black ton.

I would know in my way around one of these because I spent my entire life building this time. Right, so hard one. You would know that way around one of these because I spent my entire life building Right, so hard one you would you would know that along the minecart track that there will be like little Excavation sites and stuff and you also know from what red told you that Your mother was staying somewhere along the tracks that she has like an improvised living space in one of a little like cave Hard one how concerned do you think we need to be about traps? I think if my mom's or the widow whoever she is now she's made her home down here like cave. Hard one. How concerned do you think we need to be about traps?

I think if my mom's or the widow, whoever she is now, she's made her home down here. It feels like it's flying under the radar out the chosen. All right. No, I meant traps from this previous fallen kingdom. You know, ancient traps from a different time. No, us doors. We're just, we're just mining machines.

We don't want to make anything, anything that's tough to get the product out of the mountain. Oh, okay, all right, good then. I will not be concerned about that. So you guys are gonna start walking in the tunnel? Yeah, but I don't, I don't totally trust hard ones in valuation. So I'm keeping an eye out for traps.

Yeah, cool. I want to use just divine sense to detect evil or undead. Oh, there is something right. Uh-oh. Something right in this tunnel. Got something, something ain't right. Something isn't funnel in the tunnel. Uh-oh.

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are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-a or enter promo code pop-a at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash Papa or promo code Papa for a free Yeti style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. Um, how, I guess it's not very fine, too,

and I can't be like, seabulls right there. Alright, cool. It's not a dragon ball radar. Sultans miss a line and miss my. Nice. Really good. You don't just say something ain't fine in the mind. No, I like miss a line.

It feels like a little more like. This shaft ain't aft. Ooh. There we go. Something's gone daft in this shaft. That's better. Oh, right. This is what you do.

All right, well. Should we get going then? Should we like make a torch with our adventurers kit? Yeah, let's see. Yeah, you guys can do that. Cool. Cool. So you guys make some torch.

Make a torch. I do have fun trap stop. So it's 120 feet. So I guess I'm like waiting till we're in the right place to use that. You see, Ol Cobb turns to you, Moon Shiny says, yeah, I don't know that there's gonna be traps in an old abandoned mine,

but maybe save your spills because I'm smelling the air here and something ain't right. Okay, traps and distractions, unnecessary for moonshine to worry about. By the way old Cobb it's a story for another time but the widow is my mom so let's not kill her. Is that right? Yeah brother. Yeah nobody was kind of clear on the plan with old Cobb. Oh Cobb you know.

I'm so sorry about that old Cobb you know. I just want to be quick. Yep. Yeah you know sometimes lines get crossed, wires get afraid, you know stones get thrown Stones get thrown cob you were destined for greater things We're gonna do more than find this widow. We're gonna save the cricket. All right. Let's just proceed forward Yeah, yeah I have little night vision goggles for pop-off

Yeah, yeah Absolutely Papa. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. What a fucking fucking Oh, maybe I maybe I bought the one person, but he should have him nonetheless, but maybe I have regular goggles just that he doesn't get sit in the side. Yeah, okay. You have mining goggles for Papa. He looks cute as hell. Oh, I'm not. You do you do have night vision goggles. Yeah, but a torch would also help you guys because it's still low light vision is only so cool. But Papa is where it's.

So you guys light up torches and you start making your way through the tunnels. You guys see like turned over mine carts. You see that the tracks are kind of bent and obviously haven't been used in a while. But you guys do find several little like excavation sites where the rocks have been picked clean. So you guys kind of stop at your first significant one that's like pretty big that goes pretty deep into the center of the mountain.

Okay, I'm just I'm just putting it out there toay and if y'all are concerned, I can go to your corpse and cast gentle repose on it and help you pass over. We are always nice to ghosts. We have never been mean to a ghost. That's right. Don't know if anyone's listening. You guys hear nothing. An old cop walks over and he starts just investigating

and seeing if there's anything there. And he rolls very poorly on his investigation check and he just goes, I don't really see anything. Let's see if I can pee in their cop. Go ahead. Still a zero. Seven. Seven.

Hard one. You don't find anything either. It just looks like it hasn't been used in years. I guess we're all investigating. Cool. So mine is actually, my role is actually gonna go to Paw Paw. Okay. And it's a 19.

19. Okay. Yeah. You see Paw Paw scampers over sniffing at the ground, and he starts yapping near some footprints. Good boy, Paw. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr He reads that night and it just Rex's eyes that's what my mom said he's just sticking his tongue up into his own goggles Licking them trying to get them all trying to bite at his own No, you don't like the way they look. I think you look handsome. So you guys see

Closed footprints. Oh shit. That's that's those go men. Yeah Well Oh shit, that's that, that's those goat men. Yeah. Well, maybe we know what ain't right, huh? There's a bunch of fucking goats in here. Are they too likely to go? Are they, are they, does it look like they are two hooves or four hooves? Hmm, they look bipedal to me. Ha, ha, oh, that is sinister. Man, you know, you know, you know, a little bit of a biology. That's fun. Normal goats walk around with four legs, well, whereas goat man walk around with two.

Thanks to that. That's just some old cop knowledge. He teaches a class down by the creek. I am the foremost expert goat man at the creek. We want to keep on looking for these goat men, or do we want to just... I think that maybe we just, I mean, because we're not looking for the goat men, we're trying to... No, we're trying to, we're trying to find the creek. We want to keep on looking for these goat men, or do we want to just... I think that maybe we just, I mean, because we're not looking for the goat men, we're trying to... No, we're trying to find the widow. Okay, wait, so this is like a little shaft? Like, is this like a little...

No, so it's basically like there's the track and then the door's essentially like dug a deep or cave off of the track. All right, sweet, so let's turn around and keep on... Keep drunken up. Let's keep going, Kyle. Yeah, if you guys go back into the tunnel. You guys start going up. Somebody give me everybody give me a perception check Cannot win on the reception 11 8 16 16 I really see something

Beverly you hear the slightest little You hear the slightest little Just weird you can't tell if it's somebody in like pain or pleasure. Do you all hear that? I don't think it was my mom. Can you recreate it for us? Can you recreate? I don't know. Do I know what it is? Is it coming fat? Is it coming closer? No, it's not coming closer. closer okay guys there's something up ahead uh... and i can't tell if it's if it's in pain or if it's uh...

doing some sort of nasty adult dance but it's up there getting all kind of nest is still let's keep sneaking out and i think men, but it is, you know, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's, you're right, it's goat people really. Go back. Go back. Right. Sorry.

Force a habit. Go people. There's some goat people up there. Maybe a whole cop has sexually, how sexually enlightened would you say goat people are? A little too much. So, Are they, are they polyamorous or monogamous? I would have met. I little too much. So, for me. How are they? Are they polyamorous or monogamous or? I would imagine so.

Honestly, I don't know as much about goat people as I've made previously. You don't have to bluster with us all, Cobb. Yeah, I know. To be the foremost expert in something at the creek actually isn't so difficult and I'm kind of learning that as I leave the creek, my 375 years something at the creek actually. He's in so difficult. And I'm kind of learning that as I leave the creek, my 375 years living at the creek. Damn, I didn't realize you were old, old cop. Oldest shit brother, that's old cop.

What do we know about go people? That's no much. I say we go spy. Yeah, let's just go spy on them. Cool, sure. We're probably gonna take a rest before we do our little the heist. The heist, so I cast pass without trace on all of us.

All right, okay, help us stealth. Great. Plus tend to stealth rolls. Cool. So you guys continue ahead. Are you still using your torches? Are you putting your torches out? Let's snuff them.

Yeah, okay, you guys snuff the torches. Snuff and stale. Everybody roll me stealth rolls. 27. 26. I got a 27. Oh, I actually got a 31. Oh, wow.

Okay, yeah, you guys all do fantastic. So you guys start walking up this tunnel. You guys see another little excavation site. The goats get louder. There are a bunch of them, and you just hear, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha? Yeah. I'm listening very closely, because to me, it does sound like a mating call. Okay. So, so are all of you guys going or just Moonshine or how do you guys proceed?

I think you all sell, right? Yeah, well, yeah. You guys all did really well. So everybody sneaks around the corner of this excavation site where it gets a little deeper into the cave. We're doing another one of our pop out the heads around the corner. Yeah, pop out the heads around the corner.

Beautiful old cops there too. Old cops on top now. Old cops before pop up. Climes up on top, on top of pop up. Pop up is upset. Rang, ring, ring, ring. You guys see 12 goat men with like little tiny horns. They are eating the heart of another goat man

who is laying on the ground chest open. And you see two of them are just lady and the tramp style like making out while they eat a heart. And the other guys are just pulling at the end trails and like eating it and rubbing it on themselves. Okay, y'all. Love in the blood and love in the guts. Ah!

That's it someone. Ah! This is someone. This is some of the least hospitable shit I have ever seen. Yeah, I can't believe I thought this was going to be an orgy. We got 12 of them. I mean, is it crazy? I just kind of want to go after them. I don't think they're going to listen to reason.

No, I don't want to reason with them. You want to just kill these guys rather than sneak past them That's insane. Yeah, you're right. Let's just sneak past them This isn't my father. I wasn't saying it because I thought I was insane There's part of me that's like this is this is a Indecent yeah, this is a death that no one serves. It's true. Yeah, I'd like can I do a religion check? Do I know what they're up to sure? Yeah, Would I be able to speak with animals on a goat man? No, they're humanoids.

Okay. Ah? That might be one. I mean, they might speak common. You are arguably lucky. I think you're lucky. Lucky in theory. Ah!

It's always one to a three. How many times has this happened? Yeah, you'll want. You really have no idea. Uh-huh. You wouldn't know these weird subterranean creatures. I look for. I'm kind of wondering if this seems like some kind of sick religious ritual.

Or are they overtaken by some sort of demonic presence? Either could be true. That's true. But I do know one thing. I'd hate to meet my mother without some go blood on my ax. Ha ha ha. Let's kill these fucking losers. Yeah, but I do know one thing I'd hate to meet my mother with without some go blood on my axe Let's kill these fucking losers It's wondering if we get like constant cave in and like I've got you to do. Oh

Do you want to try and like lock them in here? Yeah, could I try to do something like that? Sure go for it making a tackle. I'll say if you succeed wildly you could possibly make some rocks fall It's gonna be tough to do a perfect cave in. Can I also use my pickaxe? I'm a pro. Yeah, so you guys are gonna try to just attack the wall before they notice you, okay. Wait, is it a normally a spell attack or what is it? No, it's usually a saving throw.

Okay, you're catching them flat hoved, so I'll have them roll it to disadvantage. Okay, they're certainly gonna like fall over and stuff and some rocks will probably fall. I'm also gonna say from now on on the podcast, I'm instituting something called the cleave rule, which is in the DM's guide, to make going through like minions and stuff faster

because sometimes our combat becomes a little bit of a slog, the cleave rule is, if you do enough damage to kill somebody, you can keep swinging and do damage to another guy. So you get to swing through people essentially. So from now on, you will be able to swing through people. These guys have failed their check, so do your damage, Moonshine.

So Moonshine does this earthquake, and suddenly the whole place starts trembling. The cave starts trembling. Oh, that's so sad. That's gonna be one. One damage. Yeah, these guys, you see a couple of them right. But they're all fallen prone though. All of them fall prone, right? So you see as these guys are having this weird ritual where they're just rubbing blood all over

their really muscular chests and like dancing around. Suddenly the earth starts to shake and you see some rocks start to fall down. These guys go, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and they fall over. Everybody roll initiative. All right. Nine, five, seven. Well, you know, I feel like we loosen them up. You know, they're in difficult terrain and they're all on their asses now.

That is old Cobb goes first. So as moonshine does this earthquake and knocks them all on their asses now. That is Old Cobb goes first. So as Moonshine does this earthquake and knocks him all over, he goes, you sit him up, I'll knock him down, or I guess you knock him down, I'll shoot him in the face of my fucking gun. And he's gonna shoot with advantage on one of them. And he's going to hit for nine damage. He just blows one of their chests open and it dies.

I hope he takes a second shot and another guy, and he crits. That's classic cub. And he blows that dude's head off, two of them are dead. Wow. Oh. That is their turn. On their turn, they hop up and go,

why did you stop our one or D? Oh, so it was a little hergy. Oh, more. Well, I mean, we were just making out and stuff. It's a pretty, you know, like a first base or D. You eat someone's heart out for first taste. You know, we have standards. And I thought my ex was bad So ten of them three of them will go after each of you guys and one of them will go after all Cobb

So let's roll for all three against hard one they All miss oh moonshine First guy is probably gonna hit that's a 17-hit. That hits. Okay, they have swords, they are going... Oh, they have swords?

Yeah, they got like rusty, rusty disgusting long swords, but they clearly like stole from the old Dwarven Ruins. I can't get Tedness because of my pact with Polar. That's instead of immunizations. He just... So he only does two damage to you. Moonshine, third guy is going to take a swing and he crits for 16 damage. Okay, and then-

Felted up my goats. Three guys are going to go after Bev. Two guys miss, third guy crits. 12 damage to you. 12 damage? Yep. And then one guy is going to go after Old Cobb and misses Old Cobb. That is you, 12 damage, okay. And then one guy is gonna go after a little Cobb, and Mrs. Ol Cobb.

That is you, hard one. Nice. You got 10 of these guys. Great, I'm gonna swing my great accent. One of the guys that's attacking me. Yeah. That is a 21. 21, that's super hits.

Cool. And that is a 12. 12 damage, cool. Not only do you cut one in half, you start to slash into the other one. Great. I have had like a helicopter swing with my hacks. Yep. Cool. And my second attack is... Damn. I don't think I'm gonna hit with... That's a 13. That hits. Wow. These are just shirtless goat people. Nice. How tall are they? Six feet tall. Oh, well, definitely gonna kill this guy. Cause I just did 18 damage on him.

Oh, he's gone for, oh, dude, you kill him and the guy next to him. Wow. So I just like helicopter swing my axe through all three of them. You cut through, you cut through that guy and you cut through the guy next to him. That is Bev.

No, Mochain. Oh, Malora, I wanna help, but you know what? I think I'm gonna have to cure myself. I'm at 11. Oh geez I'm proud gonna get hit. You're gonna take the amulet. Oh Yeah, it's a bonus action right? Yeah, okay. I am going to you see your amulet. Oh, yeah, you can do that the Controversy right then you know it. I'm gonna turn to the guy who just hit me And I'm gonna say I think you're gonna gonna wanna put that thing down about his sword. No, I love dying. We're weird and fucked up. Okay, well, that's not why I was referencing it, but then I'll keep metal on his sword.

Oh, okay. 13 damage. Yeah, he dies. That's the sort of so hot that he dies. Is that what they have that he did? It's sort of so hot that he dies, yes. Okay. His arm explodes in a heat explosion and he rides to the ground, pumping the air. Uh-huh, and I looked to whoever I saw him kissing. Uh-huh. And I say it looks like you need a new partner

and then I blow a kiss to spore, is that him? He gets poisoned a little bit and he looks fucked up, but he is not dead. And he goes, I love poison. He's got his love done. I love poison and dying. How much feel like me? Maybe we should keep him alive.

I think we should keep one alive. That'll torture us some intel. Yeah, all right. That's some smart. Oh, that's my bonus action. So never mind, that's it. Cool. Bev, you're up.

Okay. I unchief my sword and run towards the nearest one. And I wanna like, you know, stab him, but try and like run him up against a wall. Okay. It's a 16 plus eight. That is. That is.

That's 11 damage. Okay. Okay. He is dead. Oh, he's dead. Yes, hi. Can I? All right, fine.

I wanted to ask him something. I want to ask the dead body. All right. Yeah, I see that he's dead and I grab him and scream, what is first base mean? Ha ha ha. And then I, we go, man, French all the time.

Ha ha ha. Okay, cool. And then I use my second attack to target another goat. Cool. That's gonna be 14 plus eight. Is that probably hits? Yes. And then I roll damage for them.

That's gonna be 13. 13. And as I'm, yeah, he's dead. As I'm slashing it, I say, then what second base? You cut through him and it goes through the one that moonshine sport. You killed two of them. Damn. Three and a half. You cut through him and it goes through the one that moonshine sport You'll do a lot

Somebody answer me We've never actually been the second base. Oh my gosh. I feel a kindredness with you Do you love blood and dying? No, well you guys aren't on the same team Full start that is old Cobb. Without a second thought, just shoot them. And he's gonna miss. He misses his first shot. Bang, just echoes through the cave,

so loud some rocks fall down. Just carelessly shooting a blunderbust. You're still awesome old Cobb. Hey, I'm trying my best, you know. Ha ha ha. He rolls at what? He just blasts again and a rock falls on his head. Oh, all right.

Oh, all right. I think I'm not good. I think I'm not good. I was out of town when you all called me. Yeah, when are you not though? You know what? That's classic cup. That's classic cup for you.

All right, that is the three goat men who are going to launch forward at, I guess, hard one? Why not? Hard one has 16 AC. We made a mistake last week. You don't have 18 AC. These guys are gonna swing at you. First guy misses, second guy still misses, and third guy actually hits. Four. Two damage. You guys are not good at fighting. They're good at dying, not good at fighting. That is actually you, hard one.

You've got three goat men all around you, swinging at you. Great, I'm gonna just like stare down the one that just hit me for two damage. And he tries to make out with you. I am swinging my way. You want to kiss. I'll kiss you and you're dead.

All right. I did roll a th- Oh wait, 12, does that hit? That does it. Jesus Christ. Ha ha ha. That's a 12. Yeah, you cut through the one guy, he's dead,

and you do four damage to the next guy, and he is pretty fucked up a still alive. So cool. Two left? Two left. There's two left. Is it worth grappling one and trying to ask anything about the cave?

Yeah, I think we should. I'm always in favor of that. Cool, so I'm going to kill one, but it's not to leave the room. Cool, go for it. Yeah. That one hits. Cool.

And that is a, that's an 11. So, finish him. He says, you kill me. Oh, it'll be awesome. I can't wait to go to hell. I kiss his friend and I say, I can't wait to send you there and I chop off his head. This is awesome.

So hot. He's gone for as many dies. So there's only one left. So there's one left making out with hard one his No, I was kissing the head. I was kissing his friend's head. Oh, just like a cheek kiss. Yeah, yeah Oh, okay, yeah, it was a deep tongue actually It's no as a cheek. Yeah, this is actually first base for the goat man Oh, see we're we move really slowly sexually, but we like to do fucked up blood stuff

God you guys are weird. Why would you want to die before getting to second base? Well, second base for goat men is kissing without tongue. So I guess death is better than that. Yeah. What? Well, no, we do that. I mean, I've been to third base that's making out with you know touching tongues a little bit. Do you ever fuck anything? I've never I've never tried.

Moonshan kill him. Wait wait wait. I don't know. We're kind of awkward. We're going. Yeah. I think that I'd like to like ready in action. Are we in combat still? I mean, yeah technically. Can't really do anything to you guys. I want all of us to grapple. I want all of us to grapple him. Okay. So you guys you guys grab him. He is, technically. You can't really do anything to you guys. I want all of us to grapple. I want all of us to grapple him. What I'm saying. You guys grapple him. He is so dude.

He can't even do anything. Is he horny? Is he horny? Because we grappled him. I'm horny for gizzes. Yeah, we get it. OK, goat man. Yes.

Who's your fucking leader? What's the deal with these caves? Who do you report to? Have you always been like this? Have you always been having blood orgies? I think a long time ago we were cursed And maybe we're regular people, but to me I'm normal. This is normal. I'm a goat Okay, I'm a goat man. Right. Okay. Do you is there someone more powerful than you in these caves? There is done is everywhere. He is our God

We eat each other and dance and blood and kiss Okay, okay, okay, I just need one piece of information from you Is there anyone in this cave who is more powerful than you? Uh-huh. Who are they? There's the lady that they took They took her who took a lady who took a lady? Who took a lady last night Some guys came they had weird shiny clothes My god, they came and they grabbed the lady who's here. She's mean she cut well. She's nice because we like dying

Where did they take her out of the tunnels? Fuck that's Mike Dang it. Friend, it's a widow. Um, okay, then y'all, can we just fucking kill this guy? Oh yeah. You're gonna get in front of me, I'm okay. Do you want to kiss him?

Yeah, let's all kiss him. Yeah, let's all kiss him. All kiss him but moonshine poison, so. Yeah, yeah. Old Cobb, this is very stangier. Old Cobb god get in here Oh, you know what? Four of a vanilla guy, okay, I suppose I could kiss a goat

I'm going to first base Everybody kisses the goat and he dies okay And he tastes like salami that has been left out for a long time Yep, all right. Well, we're done fucked, everybody. They took the widow. They took the chosen took the widow. I mean, we are not here for the widow. And also she could have just killed herself. They might, yeah, that's true.

But they might have taken her to the dungeon as well. Oh, so we might find her in the dungeon, right? Yeah, we gotta just keep on going. It's true. Yeah, I've gotta keep going forward. Yeah. Hard one, is that okay with you? Oh, Yeah, we better just keep on going. It's true. She's kind of got to keep going forward. Yeah. Hard one, is that okay with you? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Definitely. All right. Just keep on plowing forward then. Yeah. We'll find her, I promise. Oh my god. Let's go. Hey, I was trying to track her down to Killer before, but now I'm tracking her down to

its saver, so no matter what I'm going to find her, whether I Killer or not, you know, that's kind of, you know that's that's got a you know besides the point right cool guy alive old cop moonshine vomit in the corner because of what she just saw those goals really fucking like disgusted her it was because it was the most inhospitable thing she's ever seen not not out of like. She's not afraid of death, but she is afraid. In hospital. Oh, in his, yeah. So she's just wretching in the corner.

So they probably have my mom and they have Beth's dad in the jail. Yeah, it's on, fam. Yeah. I do take a go to, you have a go to. So we got to just keep on going through this cave. Can we rest? Can we take a short rest? Can we take a short rest?

Can we take a short rest? I mean, my health is actually fine. I'm at 11 health wise. I guess I'm going to look at the amulet and use that right now. Did you know I used that before? No, I didn't. OK, cool. So I use my hit die.

You can also, you can take a short rest and not use all five of your hit die. You can just use a couple of them or one of them. So a lot of time won't go by. So you guys have, you guys are level five. To take a short rest, it's like an hour or two out of combat. So the idea is that you guys are just like taking a breather. A day is not passing or anything like that.

If you guys take a short rest, you guys have five hit dice to use throughout the day. So you can say, I'm taking a short rest right now. I'm gonna use two. I'm taking a short rest right now. I'm gonna use my other three. You don't have to use all five right off the day. So you can say, I'm taking a short rest right now, I'm gonna use two. I'm taking a short rest right now, I'm gonna use my other three. You don't have to use all five right off the back. Yeah, catch your breath.

So if you guys wanna take a moment, catch your breath and gain a few hit die back. All right, you can absolutely do that. It's cool. So I'm not at max, but I'm at 35, I feel fine with that. Okay, so your old three hit dice? Yeah, all right, cool.

So good. All right, I use two. Great. I'm back up to 55. I'm at full, great. Oh, Cobbs, fine. Good for old Cobb. I just hit my shoulder back there,

but I'll be all right. All right. Mm-hmm. Beverly is getting pretty anxious. Cool. Yeah, let's do it. I said we plunge ahead. We, times are wasting.

Let's go. Let's do it. Cool. All right, you guys keep going up. Let's go. Let's do it. Cool. All right. You guys keep going up. You guys don't really hear anything, except you do hear some distant goat sounds again. You hear the, ah, ah, excavation site. Let's peek in.

Yeah, I'll put all stealth in and peek in. We're trying sneak in and give me an investigation check. And that one. That one. How are they? You go in and this just looks like an empty excavation site. Can I peek in with my night vision goggles? Yeah, you can go walk around.

You'll have to walk in as well though. Cool. Cool, go for it. God dammit. I got a five. You look around, which looks like a excavation site. I'll take a turn. Go for it. Okay. Someone's got a role for Papa too, the only one that ever sees anything. Yeah. That's a investigation. Oh, that's a four. Yeah, that's a Investigation oh that's a four okay, all right, everything looks in order here. You could roll for barbell hunky-dory He only got Nate modifier

Zero I'm guessing cool. Yeah, you guys look around this excavation site. There's really Nothing going on here. I mean, we're not going deep, we need to go up. Yeah, so let's keep on walking up to show back up the tunnel. Yeah, you guys leave and start walking back up. The tunnels, everybody give me a perception check. Okay. Not very perceptive. Nair.

19. 19, God. I got someone had to see something. Yeah moonshine you hear a minecart rolling Okay, well then what do you tell these guys? I say everyone had we got to see who's rolling through okay Everybody with advantage since moonshine warned you guys everybody roll a dexterity saving throw since Moontran warned you guys everybody roll a dexterity saving throw.

Rear rolling my one. Ha! 16. 16, okay. 12. Y'all. Fucking y'all. I re-rolled my one because I'm lucky and your lucky bev boy got a number two. I just want to give a quick shout out to the band of the two crew or whatever the fuck we call them

And I guess I'll just fuck you to the two crew and then Beverly just stands in the middle of the railroad track I'm in prostrate himself So you guys you guys have walked down the tunnel a little bit kind of away from the excavation sites so Moonshine as you say that you guys all kind of turn tail and start running. Old Cobb and moonshine get ahead and jump out of the way into one of these like cave inlets to get out of the way, but hard one and Bev, you guys turned a look behind you. You see a larger goat man with like big ram horns and five dudes in a cart with him

and he's got his head and his horns out in front of the cart and he rams into you guys for 15 damage and you guys are prone under trapped under the mine cart right now. Everybody roll initiative, right? Wait, so just to be clear, when you say five guys, is it five goat men or like five of the smaller goat men that you guys saw and go on bigger goat?

I wasn't sure if it was five people who were just using a. Oh my gosh, I think that guy's been a third base. I rolled a six for initiative. 13. 19. Ooh, young bed. Good roll. Run in line.

I did roll it too, so. Bev, it is your turn. You Run in line. I did roll it too. So. Yeah. Bev, it is your turn. You and hard one are being pinned under it. There's this big goat man, medicinely looking down at you, and a bunch of goat men in it with you. Roll a strength check to try it out. OK. I was saying if hard ones pinned under it,

wouldn't he be like full-crimining it so that I'm able to get myself free? Yeah. I say that's fair. Yeah, okay. So, can I free myself? Yeah, go on free. My size is better than that.

Yeah, I'm gonna say it. Are one sure for better. You're just a mountain full-crumb. Yeah, you're essentially just getting out from prone so you can use half of your movement to stand up. Okay, cool. Cool. You got this mine cart full of dudes.

All right, I'm up. I'm up I'm up the big boy or the little guys. Hmm. I'm a big boy. Oh My god, I hate I mean oh Malore. I hate these guys. I say I scream this guy fucks banana cool way This guy fucks Yeah, I'm gonna try and cleave the four behind him. Oh, dope, come on. Get rid of his minions first. Oh, he said it's quick to him.

Cleave is awesome. Yes. I wanted this episode to just be a bloodbath. Ooh, that's it. 19 plus eight. Super hits, believe it or not. I think Ben. I'm this shirtless goat man.

I think Ben just turned the faucet on on your bloodbath. Ha, ha. This is Diablo 1. it's what this is. You guys are in the labyrinth, fighting goat men, killing them. All right, here we go. One ton destruction. One? One?

One destruction? One ton destruction. One ton destruction. One ton destruction. It's crispy and delicious. Yeah. Here we go. Deep fried.

All right, that's 14. 14. 14. Yep. Yep right, that's 14. 14. The first wing. Yep, that kills one guy. You slash through one guy. He fucking falls apart like he's made of paper. Like he's a goat's pinata.

And you slash into the other guy and cut him pretty deep. Oh, that cuts me deep and I like it. The first cut is... Ha! I ask each of them which cut is... Ha ha ha ha. I ask each of them which base they get to before they die. Third base and goat is kissing with a little tongue. Wow! All right, all right.

What's your baseball dime and have, like 17 bases? I didn't say that though, I'm hiding. I'm gonna, I'm just gonna swing again. Cool, go for it. Ooh, that's a three plus eight. You're old and 11 to hit. Yeah, that actually does not hit. Oh no!

Yeah. I still have. I still have the goats puts up their sword, goes, I don't know why I'm stopping you if we like to die, but not right now, buddy. You want to die on your own terms, I understand. Yeah. So this big guy gets out of the cart and he's going to attack with advantage on hard one

and he's going to hit you for 10 damage. Damn. Never thought I'd get my ass kicked by a go. That is old Cobb. Oh, I rub that 100 bucks old Cobb. Old Cobb takes a shot at the big guy. Going for your big buddy here then And he's gonna hits That is six damage on the first shot from all Cobb he hits again

That is 16 damage total from all Cobb And this dude you see the blunderbusters blow this dude shoulder off and is one of his arms is just hanging by a thread and he doesn't care. This is normal to me. Oh my Laura, I hate these guys. He's still alive. It would be very uneasy. Yeah, they were really make me uncomfortable.

Pellor has a big, there's a big chapter in the book of Pellor about kissing and they have done everything wrong. So these four goat guys are gonna take swings at Beverly who's next to the cart. Wait, are they still four of them? Yeah, cuz he missed on the second attack. Oh There's four there were five originally. Yeah, there were five originally you cut through one and you hurt another one right? Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool. So the first guy is actually gonna hit he just rolled a 19. Oh So he gets five damage, second guy rolls, and he rolls a one, he messes up big time, third guy misses, and fourth guy misses.

Moonshine Europe. Okay, so Moonshine steps out of the shadows. Okay. With her head down so you can't see her eyes. And she says, let's have some fun, Gus. And then she looks up and you can see like a psychedelic mushroom color swirling in her eyes. And I shall layly my staff and then transform

into a fungus queen. Fungus queen! All hail. Fungus queen is here. And then I Spores who's it? Who's the guy that bev hurt? Just one of the goats that's in the cart. You can absolutely kill him with spores Sport kiss sporkus. No, that's for his business. Oh, no kiss. It's third base here

This is not right. I hit a trip all and I'm dead Hey, them. This is not the diamond that pell or laid out. And that is hard one, you are pinned. You need to succeed on a strength check as an action to get out. Okay, I'm gonna try to flip this card over. 24. 24. I rolled a 19, yeah.

Cool, you bench it off of you with all these gold men in. It's pretty dope. And you're able to pop back up. Do I get a bonus, yeah. Cool, you bench it off of you with all these gold men in. It's pretty dope. And you're able to pop back up. Do I get a bonus action or anything? You do get a bonus action, but that's not an attack. Very nice. So I can't attack anything. No.

Then I guess I just flip off the big gold cut. Yeah. Wow, rude. We don't cuss. Oh, really? Us goats don't cuss. I'm glad you have some high standards for yourself. Yeah, I mean, we'll eat hearts and kiss, but don't say fuck you.

Fuck you, man. Excuse you. At least we finally know how to offend them, because killing them wasn't working. So Bev, you go again. Okay, cool. Am I in the cart currently? Sure. All right, cool.

Then I'm just going gonna get a little dizzy. I'm just gonna spin around, spin around with your sword. Try to slice him up. There's three guys left. Tornado baby. You're like a little salad chopper. Like that. A blender.

Yeah, you're like a blender. A blendery. You're a Beverly's on frappe. Make a goat smoothie with a young Beverly. Do you like your smoothies with goat milk? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. It's six plus smoothies with goat milk? Ha ha ha ha. It's six plus eight. What's that?

14? Yes. Is that 14? 14. Do you have damage? All right, cool. That's a- Wait, re-roll.

Oh, wait. Do I get to re-roll on a damage mill? Don't re-roll. Ha ha ha. It's going to be eight damage. Eight damage. Yeah. You don't kill one.

Oh, no. Well, I'll do another attack. Okay, do it up. There we go. Your goal You don't kill one. Oh no. Well, I'll do another attack then. Okay, do it up. There we go. Your goal here is to kill this guy and kill the guy next to him. Yeah. Come on. Blenderly.

Uh, that's a 15. That hits. Yeah. And that's going to be 13. You do. You kill two guys. Woo! Alright.

So there's one little goat guy left. one little goat freshman and one goat senior. Seniors, seniors are all senior goat. He hates him so much. That is the big, that is the big goat who I guess will take a crack at hard one first with his bite and he misses with a not one I do my other finger ram him with his horns two ones in a row. He fucking falls down He just he tries to wrap you. Can I grab him by the horns? Yes, you absolutely hell I'm holding this motherfucker by the horn You have grabbed life by the horns That is the other goats that got death by the horns. There is one left and

He is going to attack Beverly You killed my friends. I like you now. I'm gonna kill you in each heart That tracks and he misses he was big time That is old Cobb old Cobb get in there You teach these old Cobb is gonna shoot it one He just gonna teach these all cop is gonna shoot it one I know Don't see the one oh He just blasts

Oh god, this he rocks just fall from the tunnel He's not good at close cave in here, it's not good, it's not good He shoots again Um, he does hit that time And he'll hopefully kill this guy He does, okay, so he blasts this other goat in the chest Just opens them up and he flips out of the cart. They have you are in this disgusting goat man carcass cart.

Cool, carcass cart. That is moonshine. All right, time for the big goat left. All right, that's who I wanted anyways, so I'm going gonna attack him. We saved you the big guy. Ah, I'm stepping a hit, 18 a hit. That hits. All right, now it's gonna be, it's gonna be six plus two is eight, but I get to add D6 to point the image. Ooh, yeah. It's one, so it's gonna be nine.

Okay, it's a fun one. And then, I'm gonna hack a little Lugiatim, Huckle Lugious 4, 6. Oh, okay, I get to finish him. Yeah. Hard one's gotta buy the horns. You know what, I'm just gonna take him and twist his body so that his neck snaps.

Like wall. You just pull off his goat head? Yeah, and so hard one is just holding a goat head. Lift it up. You guys are like tag team opening a Coke ball. Yeah. Yeah, you have a goat hat in your hands. No car wonders.

You crack them open like a ice cold corona. And then I'm just gonna throw his, I'm gonna throw his damn corpse on the floor and say, this place needs a welcome mat. There ain't no hospitality. So here is a welcome mat. I'm gonna no hospitality, so here is a welcome mat. I'm gonna drop kick his head down the rest of the chat. You just hear it echo.

Blue, blue, blue, blue. I really need to know what their Bible is like. Of all the things we have seen, I think this is some of the darkest shit we ever weighed in. Yeah, this is just down right wacky. I'm pretty fucked up. I'm gonna roll my other three hit dice, I yeah, I'll make her you take your short rest you guys also keep in mind that you can do You can reset the theala amulet thing every short rest

Oh cool an amulet then short rest and then it'll be back Oh, that's a good call so I'm gonna hit up that Yeah, look at your amulet then do a short rest great So you guys can get your each other all of us are just, looking at your amulet, then do a short rest. Great, so you guys can get your each one back. A little bit, all of our stuff just gathered around the amulet of the floor. Just being like, I'm going to go in, I'm going to go in the floor. Yeah, yeah, I believe in the floor.

Let me look at the amulet. Yeah, we look at that amulet. Oh, I'm back up to full. Cool. So what are you guys doing? You guys are in this hall now with all these goat bodies. We gotta keep on walking up this, yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, let's get in the carcass cart. Yeah. Hard one, can you push us? You guys are going up a hill. Do you want to push me? Yeah, we don't wait wait wait wait, keep trucking. Let's get in the carcass cart. Yeah, hard one, can you push us? You guys are going up a hill, do you wanna? Push me, yeah, we don't wanna do that, it's also not, it's also like we've probably gotta still. But if there's a hill, there's gonna be another, there's gonna be a downhill,

for every hill, for every uphill, there's a downhill, is what I was trying to say. I think when you're climbing a mountain, you generally go up, you can barely. Oh, fair enough. Just yeah just a little guy. I'll push if you want you're just a little guy. Push me.

Alright he pushes, Holcomb pushes Beverly in the cart like he's a little baby going grocery shopping. Fair enough. So you guys make your way up the track. You guys go for a while you pass some more of these little excavation sites and stuff, but then you finally get out of the tunnel. And you guys enter a giant cavern. It is this big dome-shaped cave. The ceiling is up several hundred feet, and you see the Dwarven City Ruins sit in the center like an island surrounded by dark abyss

that's just like an endless fall deep into the mountain below. This crab's down. Is it crab's down? Cragwater. Cragwater. This is crab water. One long stone bridge from the tunnel

that you guys are in to the city ruins in the center. You guys see that the ceiling of the cavern is lowest, just over the island in the middle with the city ruins. Okay, that's gonna have to be where the dungeon is. Yeah. The highest point of the ruined city is the ruined keep, which is mostly still standing. You guys can see even from here that the first

and the second floor appear to still be mostly intact, and there's one tower in the back that stands taller than everything else. You can also see torch light coming from the castle and torches all around the ruins. Huh. Ha. Hmm. And that's where we'll end our session.

I think we're gonna have to kill more goats. I don't know if it's goats. They better not be dwarves. Oh no. That was my people. Well let's say it for the short. Who's in the city, y'all? Guys.

I've got some speculations, but I'm saving it for the short rest. Yeah, guys, if you really want to, if you want to listen to us talk more about the show and listen to the after show, it'll be available right now on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash nadpod. Yes, there you go. Patreon.com slash nadpod.

That's NADD, P-O-D, don't sing the song yet. Cool, guys, now that it's the end of the show, we're going to shout out our benevolent council of elders. We appreciate the shit out of these legendary heroes of Bohemia Slash legendary Patreon subscribers. We shall now read their names and he prays upon them by weaving tales of their glory Starting with James B guys James B. did you know James B was voted best smile at Bullywug High School? No, shit. Oh, that's tough. Do you have any idea how good of a smile you have to have to be voted best smile of all of the Bullywug? They're not even a Bullywug. Then we've got Kim H. Kim H. Pind Ulfgar in wrestling wrestling. Freaking defeated him in one-on-one combat.

His gifela. Daniel U. was the scout master, the green teen scout master who officially fired scout master Dennis. Also, sliced the moon in half. Yeah, Daniel U. sliced the moon in half and did some good, you know, work with the green teams. Then we got Henry J. who's just straight up our friend in real life.

Hey, it is Henry. Hey, it is. Hey, it is Henry. Thank you so much, Henry. You're just a good dude. Thanks, right? For real life, good dude. Thank you so much.

Well, he's the person who the word friend is named after. Yeah, Tweeta, let's hang out when I'm in Nashville. Yeah. Jordan J. Thank you so much, Jordan J. Jordan J actually hangs out with Polore. So, Polore is a big buff Santa Claus God that kind of flies on a carnival cruise ship

through the sky. And it's a new permanent detail. And Jordan J is like one of the air tightens that carries the carnival cruise ship through the sky. It's sort of a semi-god. Yo, they just pound shrimp together. Right, and then we've got Xavier C. Xavier C. just beat the shit out of some centaurs.

Some nasty centaurs. Yeah. That were causing trouble down at the crits. And then we've got Matthew W. Who is, in fact, a direct descendant of cord. Oh, damn. The freaking son of a god. He's a demigod, he's a gift from cord to Bohumia.

Sort of a mix of hard ones, dad and Hercules. Yeah, we've got a Danielle D, who actually forged the amulet of the olive. Wow, oh that is a power from blacksmith. Out of unicorn tears and And start us call that the god Smith. Thank you. I caught the unicorn themselves, too Uh, Andrew a I've heard songs of Andrew a. Oh, yeah Andrew a actually was like a general in the war against the giants Wow and beat Mishgad arm wrestling

Which is tough. She's very stubborn. Yeah, John S. Who actually let Mishka win at arm wrestling. So actually, their story is a story of empathy. Wow. Also, Cutter W. Famous architect at the Crick.

What does he make the stumps? Yeah, makes the stumps. Yeah, they cut down the trees. Uh-huh, and then Will L, of course, legendary wizard who literally doesn't need a spellbook. It's all fucking up in his head. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Lil Wayne doesn't write down his wraps.

Yeah, it's all in real time. Psycho-free style wizard, that is incredible. Drinks equally as much cough syrup. Yeah, Parker E was like a pie-piper, that is incredible. Drinks equally as much cough syrup. Yeah. The hargoye actually, hargoye was like a pie-piper, but for goat men, and they'll let them out of Galatoron. We'll add it to the crab water.

Sort of into crab water. Oh, okay, oh, they should just run around. Yeah. And then, oh man, we got even more, we got even more friends. We got Simon W, who has a whole stable of dragons that they ride. Wow.

Wow. Like a rainbow-stable. Take him one every day. Yeah, I think it's like rich people who have like a different car for every day. So they've got like a Bentley dragon and like a Maserati dragon. Wow, that's insane. It's very cool. Fancy.

Griffin S. An actual Griffin. Wow. Yeah. Oh. Like an awakened Griffin, a very smart, very smart, through the sky. Also a gonna accomplish graphic designer.

Mm. Dylan B. A legendary fighter who has mastered the art of holding 12 swords at once. That's a lot. That's insane. Yeah, that's a ton of swords. Seems like too much work, but I mean, if you can make it work for you. They're like a sword dancer, you know?

This is what earns you a spot on the council. Yeah. You don't get that. Yeah. Just for showing up. They're special to, they're called the exterminator, because they have so many swords that can easily chop off all the limbs of a giant spider. Well, um, Tom P. Oh, Tom P. Oh, Tom P.

Oh, Tom P. I'm sorry. Tom P. Tom P is sort of the gangus con of Bohumia. Like it's like, you know, you can trace all your DNA back to Tom P. It's where Tom P. Tom P is everyone's dad. Yeah. Father of the realm. In any sort of the atom. Yeah. Timothy Alexander In any time you're the Adam. Yeah.

Timothy Alexander L is of course. Part angel. Yes. Part angel, part devil actually. Yeah. It's really, yeah. It's really cool. Angel had sex with a devil. They like angel food cake and devil sticks. Yeah. And that's kind of the internal torment for an overall rad person who has cool wings.

Yeah, sort of a sephoroth. Absolutely. He will. He's really good at table-stits. Sort of a good sephoroth. Yeah. Hugh C. is a changeling. They can become anything.

They could become anything or anyone and just, you know, take the first and middle initial of someone else's name if they wanted. Hugh C. would have succeeded on the Bullywook mating call. Oh, wow. Wow. A master of deception. And then we've got Andrew D. Who is a legendary buff cobalt.

Kicked hard ones ass one time. Yeah, fucking right, dude. You know those like who you are? Yeah, elders, all right? You know those strong Elders all right You know those strong man games they have Andrew D wins every year. Yeah, can push so many trucks lump ass Just like two beautiful maraschino cherries. I got to think these this next group of people that actually I grew up with in the doorfinage

You guys maybe have heard, tell them, but Jeffrey S made hard ones sweat during an arm wrestle. What? You can imagine. So just kind of put up a decent fight. Well, I still beat him handily, but there's like a time where I'm a little bit rude. There's like a time where I'm a little rude.

I mean, he's sweat blood. Yeah, well, Daniel F.J. actually wants at a party almost drank as much beer as hard ones. Oh, sort of drinking one and a half beers at a time. One and a half beers at a time. It's sort of too handing it. Absolutely crazy. Okay.

Spencer T, he once tried on my socks and they didn't fall immediately down. Like his couch. Really, they're like not bad. Right. He must go through elastic. So please like a size 11, but hard ones are size 15. Yeah, right.

Well, Andrew M. Straight up kissed hard ones X after they broke up. Whoa. Like minutes after. Like rebound, just like, but like just mere, like not even minutes, seconds. She like turned around to make hardwood jealous. Ah.

Taylor B. He is the best woodblock player in Iron Deak. Oh, shit, so that's why hard one. That's why I aspire to be. Manual P. Got Hard One Out in Dodge Rock at the Dwarf and Oat. That's like Dodge Ball except you. It's with a rock. I don't get it. Pedro E. Caught the Rock the next round. Got Hard One back in.

Oh, shout out to Pedro E. Shout out the Rock, the next round got hard one back in. Oh. Shout out to Pedro E. Shout out to all these people that are almost as cool as HartFord. And that's what gets them up on the counts of the elders. Yeah. We'll plug our Twitter's at CHMRIFASME, AdiExford, as Emily, at J.C.R. which is Jake.

At Caldwell, guys, please buy me an Emily's book. It is available on Amazon. It is called Hey You Up. How to and Emily's Book. It is available on Amazon. It is called Hei You Up, How to Turn Your Booty Call into Your Emergency Contact. It is a satirical relationship advice book. It's also on Audible, if you wanna hear the audiobook. Call Well, we also have some people to thank. We have some people that sent us some goodies.

I have a big scroll full of beautiful names. And I'm gonna read them aloud. Please read them. People have sent us stuff to our PO box, which is 1920, Hiller Stavinuit, number 222, Lose Philly's, California, 90027. And those people are Matthew Millions who sent us this beautiful stuffed pop-up. With a bandana that says pop-up on it and did have, I've been holding it this entire time. Yeah, I was just going to say Emily has

held it the whole episode. I have photos to prove it. Yeah. I think that it improved her roles, even the bad ones. I mean, Papa, I rolled pretty well. That's very true. Yeah. I want to get a shout out to James T, who sent us these very fun 3D printed dice jails, which I have a little one on top of them. And we punish our dice when they're bad,

and they go in the dice jail. And James C didn't James C ask because he's the one who sent us these other dice, the ones that we all use. And he asked if the three ones that I rolled were with the purple dice that he sent us and yes, they were. However, I believe that since then,

I have synced up and have pretty good energy with my dice now. Exactly. Speaking of fancy dice, we got an unknown set of these really cool metallic teal fantasy dice. I don't know who they're from. And if you sent those to us, please give us a shout out. Hit us up Twitter.

Yeah, reveal yourself, coward. Holy shit, they're so cool. We also got some cool fantasy coins, which we used to do a coin flip. Those are from, which knocked that dude off the kid. Yeah, the kill to do. Yeah, so killed at night with 52 HP. Thank you for helping us kill. If you want your own fantasy coins, you can go to the fantasy coin Kickstarter learn more at fantasycoin.com They are dope. They are pretty great. Oh, just throwing this out there because me and Murph had a Lightly Lord of the Rings theme wedding.

He would have been a freaking awesome wedding gift to make like a wedding favor to do like a dope fantasy. Yeah. Damn. I'm going to try using them at the grocery store. I call those been arrested. You can't be on the show anymore for a- I tried to put them in a red box. You have to record the show from jail now.

We'll be there to let you do a podcast from jail. You know what, hey. I was definitely listening to a jail podcast. Yeah, jailcast. Join me. That's a Patreon exclusive podcast. Check it out. Quick shout out also to Abby and Jeff who sent some cool Drawfee centric stuff. Watch Drawfee, by the way. Yeah. Jake, you got anything to plug? I don't know if I'm in Europe anymore when this episode comes out, but.

Okay. If I am, come see me, and you're in Amsterdam and Dublin. Go to their website, check them out. Make sure you're up to date on the tour date so you can see when Jake and Amir are coming to you. Of course, listen to if I were you. Yeah. Thank you guys.

Cool guys, we're gonna record the after show now. So go listen to that. It's available right this second patreon.com slash nad pod that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d baby. That was a Hate Gum podcast.