Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 16: The Mad Dwarves of Old Cragwater (The Galaderon Saga)

Episode Date: May 24, 2018

The party attempts to infiltrate the ruins of Old Cragwater, but finds it full of nasty deep dwarves and gnomes! Beverly herds a gang of goatmen, Hardwon utilizes the lessons he learned at the dwarphanage, and Moonshine meets a foe so infuriating that she loses all hospitality. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects include:"Grenade" by Ljudmann at Freesound.org. "Glasshouse" by Themfish at Freesound.org."CINEMATICBOOMNORM" by HerbertBoland at Freesound.org."Heed the Mushroom's Call" by Emily Axford."Schubert's Song" by Emily Axford."Jolene the Green" by Emily Axford."Farewell to Fungen" by Emily Axford."The Mithril Miner Shuffle" by Emily Axford."Duergar Drudgery" by Emily Axford."The Mithril's Gone Dry" by Emily Axford."Spooky Shafts" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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That's P-A-W-P-A-W at Adamaneeve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumya Everyone. I'm Jeff Dungeon Master, Brian Murphy joined by Jake Herwitz. Hard one. Sure foot.

Emily Axford. Moon Chan, Sabin, attorney at law. And Carlton Tanner. Beverly Togold, deep in the cavern. As we all are. Because this is unique to Bob. Yeah. Yeah.

So just saying where he is literally. I had a lot to prepare today and that was the one thing I forgot to prepare was a thing to say, writing a clever up top quip. That's why I never do it. Yeah, just, you know, I kind of wing it. Yeah, wing it every time. Yeah, these are sometimes actually attorney at law can of wing it. Yeah, wing it every time. Yeah, these are sometimes actually attorney at law

can popped into my head on the drive over here. That's a good one. I think everyone, yeah, I think about it for a long time. But yeah, after you listen to this show, you can head over to our Patreon and our $5 patrons and up can listen to short rest our after show. And then there are a bunch of other rewards tiers with some other cool shows and stuff coming up.

Yeah, a little perks. But guys, let's do a recap from last week's episode. So, last week, you guys began your plots to bust Beverly's dad out of the go later on, Castle Dungeon, by sneaking through abandoned mines in the mountain. You learned about the mines from Red, who told you that the widow had been hiding there. You guys called Old Cobb, so he could tag along. Then you traveled to the abandoned tunnels by jumping from the glater on Tram in a badass train fight. You then went on to find a bunch of weird fucked up goat men who eat each other in the tunnels.

Worst hour of my life. Yeah, I mean that was something out of a saw movie. You really did not, you guys really did not let the goat do not like the bear. They viscerally bothered me. They're so similar to the bully wugs. It's so interesting because you love how dare you. How dare you, there's nothing like bullies.

Take it back. They're fucked up, but they're also fuck free. So you guys interrogated a goat man who told you more or less that the widow had been taken last night by a bunch of the chosen. You guys reasoned that the widow would most likely be brought to the dungeon so you continued with your plan. The session ended as you guys entered the giant cavern beneath the dungeons, expecting to find the abandoned ruins of an old dwarf city,

but when you got there, there were torches all over the town. Oh, party time. Yes. I mean, are they teaky torches? Do we get the vibe that is like maybe a wedding? Someone's doing like a... This is a... I mean, Buffett's Margaritaville. This is the D&D version of a rustic barn and abandoned dwarf corn. Can we smell citronella? You can lightly hear somebody playing Cheeseburger in Paradise. That's awesome.

Is it Pinteresty? It's a mood board for sure. It's extremely interesting. Wow. So you guys are in this big dome cavern, the Cragwater City Ruins sit on an island of rock in the middle of this giant cave surrounded by a byss. Though it looks ruined, you do see torches hanging on buildings throughout the city.

The only path you see from the tunnel you guys are currently in is this long stone bridge leading to the city in the middle. You guys can also travel along the rim of the cave. There's a little walkway around there that leads to other tunnels. So there's a more direct route and a less direct route. Sercutist to say that. It's left and super left. I mean, or we could just swim.

No, no, it's a bis. It's like, it's not water. It's a bridge over just a drop. Oh, might be some water down below. I know, that job's saying I throw a pebble down. I throw a pebble down to see if there's water down there. Yes, you listen for a long time and you finally do here the echoes of water. And then you see two guys.

Oh, so... Yeah, where are you guys going? I guess hide. Yeah, back up the tunnel a little bit. Hide. Okay, you guys go back in the tunnel. Mm-hmm. Are you guys kind of peeking out

so you can see what's going on or you guys just turn and tell him, I think we're definitely doing our little peaky trick. A little peaky trick. Okay, go ahead and give me a stealth roll. Just right back in it, I love it. I think we're definitely doing a little peaky trick. A little peaky trick. Okay, go ahead and give me a stealth roll. Just right back in it, I love it.

So stealth rolls are just something I don't like, not great when it comes to that. I got a 12. I got a 19. But this is peaking, I'm peaking. Oh, no. Beth, did you roll with disadvantage? Was I supposed to?

Yes. Okay. It's a 15. Still doing it. Okay, cool. Beth is somehow the is somehow the most well hidden because I have thick ass legs So you guys kind of head back into the tunnel but peak out and you see two dwarves in Rusty armor and they've got dark gray skin and yellow eyes Creepy looking dudes. Oh shit, and they got got dark gray skin and yellow eyes creepy looking dudes. Oh shit And they got crick-rot. You see they they want you know, no, they don't have crick-rot

Do I think they're part fish? No? Do you? Does Emily do they got mountain madness? They are doerth. Oh god, how do you pronounce this? Du- du- du- du- regard. They are the, you know, like, under-deep dwarves. Dwarves that are mad and crazy. So, hard one would know what these are. You've- you've heard tales.

You've heard tales of- because these are my people. Okay. Sort of. What would be- I was raised by them. I hold entire life, but you think you were raised by duerggers. No, but I was raised by dwarves. Would they have told me about what dwarggers for short? For short, yes. What's it called? Dwarggers.

Come on. What's up, dwarggers? How long would you say these are? Uh, dwarggers. Come on. Okay. Hard one has memories of like a children's book that he found at the doorfinage about dwarggers.

What are they? What are they really called again? Dwarggers. I think it's how you pronounce it. Oh, really? Yeah, also it's tough with my New Jersey accent to say this word, whatever it is. Hard one tries to say it and just thinks about a hamburger for a second. These are like a classic D&D enemy.

I really should have looked up how other people say it. But it's just one of those words that you read and you guess because it's not real. So looking at a dweurger I at least know like I know that I can't talk to these people I know I wouldn't be able to. You could potentially talk to them they're not you know zombies or monsters but they're crazy. Oh I don't like that that means some more dangerous. Yeah so you guys see these two guys walk out onto the bridge and they start walking towards you guys and you hear them kind of echoing through the cave, being like, are they here? They're here to steal the mithril.

Oh, see, they're still the mithril. Is it the goats? Are the goats here? And they start walking towards you guys. Yo, Bev, I know that this hasn't always paid off, but what if you did one of those goat men made them call? I think that's just going to make off, but what if you did one of those goat men made in calls? I think that's just gonna make them wanna kill us even more. Yeah, they're looking for the goats.

Okay, if you're not wanting to have sex with us, I want to touch another pebble way further to the tunnel. Okay, I'll do that. Wait, okay, I'll roll the deception check. Further down the tunnel that they're coming towards. That's gonna be 18. 18, like further down past us, so we can hide and let them like,

sure, okay, going for the next. I think I said this before, but I know how to skip a stone. Cool, I'm gonna do a perception check. Great, so they start running into the tunnel that you guys are in. Yeah, but we're hiding. Cool.

Moonshine had a what? Okay. Oh, to hide, I had a 12. I had an 11. Uh-huh. Okay, these guys hide ahead 12 I had an 11 aha Okay, these guys rush on past you guys hell yeah, they just rolled a damn for God damn right there We gotta get out of here then we should move forves is what they're called Forves these guys scramble past you just running down being like you try to steal the bit girl You're trying to steal the bit girl your freaking goats and you hear goats in the

background going huh kill us oh god this is a sick ecosystem we've wandered into just these sick possessed by my my my mother fuckers killing these goats who want to be killed I don't know reminds me a little home okay you guys hear these mithril crazed dwarves killing goat men and the goat man loving it. Sweet.

So hot. It's a bad mountain. Should we stealth around this thing? See what's going on? Take the circumference? Yeah. What's there? So we walked in here, assuming he was going to be abandoned,

thinking that we'd be able to just kind of climb to the top, and then scooch up to the jail. But now it is full. It's a bustling dorgers sitting. Well, it's not, does this call our entire plan into question? It's not bustling with dorgers, okay? These rusty ass dudes ran like half a mile chasing a rock. So it's not exactly breaking into Buckingham Palace.

Got it. Fighting all of the Galatoron army in the castle is harder than this Dorgershit show. I see. This is a shit show. It's an outpost. Yeah, you don't like, you're not like looking into the city and seeing like a thousand people. You hear some random yelling and shit, but there's, you know. It's essentially goat men inside the castle.

Yes. Okay. Right. Right. So, I mean, maybe rather than waste time circling this thing, we just sneak in and try to get up to the top so we can get to the dungeon. Or do we go, honestly? Do we try to appeal to these, you know, fractured psyches?

We just go with truth in our hearts. They seem pretty untrustworthy. We don't go with truth in our hearts. We go manipulating... We lie on our tongue. We lie on our tongue. Truth in our hearts, but lies on our tongue. Ooh, I like that.

That's pretty good. And a song on our step. Don't play the flute. Don't play the flute. I'm going to put it away. I'm going like that. That's pretty good. And a song on our step. Don't play, don't play the flute. Put it away. Not yet. What if we sneak in if we get caught, we lie? Yeah. Okay, so keep the lies on your tongue. Okay, I don't think they're going to like to see me seeing as we kind of moved in on their territory. But I'm game to give it a shot. We just got to, we got to bullet towards that, that tower. That sounds like, hey, what is old Cobb thing? Hey, I'm here too. I'm not sneaking around or just walking up and shooting people in the face.

I'm kind of fun either way. I'm an agreeable fella. You're a coin flip of a guy. That's just old Cobb hospitality there. Yeah, he's, he's game for anything. You're the coolest Cobb. So I guess let's, let's try and sneak, are we gonna sneak across a bridge? Oh, what if we go around?

Let's sneak around and see if there's another way. Yeah, we're gonna sneak that little encircling perimeter. So as you guys sneak around the outer rim of the cavern, go ahead and give me a perception check. I'm assuming moonshine is kind of leading the way because she's the stealthiest. So moonshine, give me a perception check. I'm assuming moonshine is kind of leading the way because she's the stealthiest. So moonshine, give me a perception check. That's gonna be 21.

21 moonshine. As you guys creep along the outer rim, you see a little cave with four goat men peaking out from behind a rock. Mm. Should we kill it and bring it to the dwar- to the dwarvers? I was just gonna like say we should just

shove them around, get them yelling, screaming, kill me, let all the dwarves pour out of the city. Oh, that's such a good idea. And then sneak in during the chaos. Okay, anyone got an aero or a javelin? They could throw at the- I got a throwing axe, but can I just walk over there and like slap a goat a couple times across the face?

Like forehand, backhand, forehand, backhand, push him over. Let's roll initiative. All right. 10. Moonshine's looking at 20. 16. We're just trying to create a scene, right? We're just trying to create, this is like the fire back

in the back of the game run. Okay, so there are four goat men there. They all rolled really poorly, so Moonshine gets to act first. Okay, so I'm going to cast infestation on one of them. Okay, nice. I'm sure he's already crawling with God knows what, but let's add some fleas on there.

So he rolls what a constitution say. He fails, so he gets covered in bugs. He takes five poison damage. Okay. And then he moves five feet north. Cool. So he just flies back a little bit. Ah, bugs all over me.

I love being itchy. Ooh, I'm gonna scratch until I bleed. Is it loud though? Is it loud? Is he making a big fuss? Oh, he's making a huge scene. He's screaming this. Great.

I love bugs. Do the dwerger notice at all? They ran down another tunnel. Oh, okay. Those were like the front gate guards. This is not a well-oiled, you know. Right. Okay, so my strategy was incorrect.

Wait, what if we lead them back towards the gate and then double back so that they'll attack these goat man and we can sneak away Can we do that? Yeah, I'm going to I'll I Brandish my sword It's her these goats. Yeah, I want to try and I want to try and jump on one of their back and like ride it towards the front of the gate. Oh, Shit, I also spores that guy for three. Yeah. Oh, okay. You spores him for three. He is on death's door. Yeah, motherfucker. He is close to death. Oh,

there are so close to being dead all the time. They live on death. He's so hurt. I think I'm in an idea. Okay. But I'm gonna need y'all to, I say, stay here. I hop on the goats back and I do it with my sword. Oh, which one? The super hurt one or the- The one in front. Okay. So, just one of the non-herd ones go ahead and give me a,

it wouldn't be animal handling because they're humanoid. Just give me like a grapple check. Like, make a strength. Strength. That's 14. 14. Okay, he rolled a three for his strength. Yes, you do.

You are piggybacking on his goat man who is bipedal, by the way. So it just looks like a weird man in a Halloween costume is giving you a rock. Let's go. Cool. And I hear Spankin' with the sword on his turn. You like that big boy? I love it. Oh yeah.

Let's go. let's go. I look to hard one being like, I think this is maybe like. This is us being bad scouts. I think so. I turned back to the other good message. Who else wants to spank and let's go? I support. I support if this is what he's into,

but I do feel like he's a little young. Yeah. You all, you all stay here. I got a plan. So I lead the goat men back towards them. Yeah, okay, hard one is your turn. Can I just... Do the same thing, hard one is trying to...

Hard one, do the same thing. I'll jump on one's back too. Okay, great idea, Bev. Wait, that wasn't the plan, okay? He has a strength check. That is a... A 12. Alright, well... Okay, this Frank check That is a 12 alright, well, I think this is a new plan this goat man shucks you off

You go to you go to jump on his back and he pushes you down and you look like a real freakin weener Oh, well, I get a second I get a second attack. No, that's your action, dude. You just got pumped by the go. I'm not going to lie now. So this is, I need to get on a go now. This is the Goats turn. Bev, tell me what you say to the goats. And then I'll set the DC for trying to convince them to run for you to hurt them. I say, who wants a big ol' spanking?

OK, I'm rollin' for spanking. Give them advantage. That's really smart. Yeah, exactly. I, I'm rolling. Roll a persuasion. Give him advantage. That's really smart. Yeah, exactly. I'll leave you there. Hey, hey, hey, hey, roll with advantage. That's a two, baby. All right, let me roll a good advantage.

So there we go. Goodness. Shout out to the band of twos. So the two, that's a 11. Do I get to add anything to that? Yeah, your persuasion. So that's 18. Okay, cool.

Mm-hmm. You're a persuasive little powder and powder and off. Don't ask me. We be spec'd with swords Follow me. I've got a spanking for every one of you nasty little fuckers. Come on game Beverly successfully forged goat man Along the rim are you going out towards the bridge? Where are you going? I'm going to go out towards the bridge, and I'm going to, I'm going to leave them there,

and I'll say, line up for your spankings, gang. Dope, and then we'll take off the other direction to keep on casing and stuff. Yeah. And then I'm going to, what I want to do is I want them, I say, all right, everybody, ask face me. And then I spin around and I slap all all right, everybody, ask face me. And then I spin around and I slap all their bottoms and then I misty step away.

Wait, where did you go? You were supposed to kill us. You are such a tease, young man. You do hear the dwarves in their heavy armor clanging up through the tunnel. Oh, let's do it! They tricked us! They tricked us! And they start running up. So you guys are making your way around the left. But, let's steal the bucket truck, let's dig truck, let's dig and they start running up. So you guys are making your way around the left right.

But they're running towards the goat man. Yes. Woo. Oh yeah, we're running the diversion. I know. We did it. We did it a successful diversion. You know, if Red could be here to see this,

he just would have to eat his words. He'd probably be kind of disgusted by what we did. Yeah, that's true. That's fair. Absolutely. I clean that's true. Uh-huh. Absolutely. I clean off my sword. I pretend like I'm not a little hurt that I got boofed by the door.

I'm going to go. I look at hard ones. I say, what happened back there? I've had too many sticky buns. You couldn't hold me. I offered a gift hard one to piggyback, right? Later, kid. Yeah.

Yeah, that was a sad display effect. Athleticism, hornwine. Yeah, it hurts that it happened in front of you, Cobb. Yeah, you push you over. He just pushed you right over. All right. We were killing those guys three at a time. I hope to prove myself again to you soon.

They're stubborn souls. Cool, so you guys start sneaking around the left side. As you guys get to one of the tunnels, go ahead and give me a perception check. 23. 23, that's a tin for me. That's right, moonshine's wearing her specs. Moonshine, you see a bulbous blue mushroom cap

hanging out in one of the tunnels. Oh, hey, that's your thing. That's like your whole deal. All right, all right. I'm a few more dimensions than that, young Bev. We want to get into it. You're the mushroom person, right? Yeah, OK.

Well, it's like your jazz, right? You know, sort of like in the same way that mushrooms grow out, and there's many of the, whatever I run over to it. Yeah. I'm not obsessed with boss room. Yeah. You run over to it. What do you do when you get there?

I just want to do a perception or just do knowledge mushrooms or something like that. Do you know it? Yeah, you can do an investigation check. Six. Munchen does it. Six. Yeah. Looks like a normal mushroom, 6. Which end does it? 6.

Yeah. Looks like a normal mushroom, but tell me how you interact with it. Well, okay. I mean, far be it for me to take a mushroom from its natural habitat. So what I would like to do is I would like to take a piece of cloth or paper and tap it tap the hood of it so that some of the spores come out and I can collect some of the spores. Cool. So as you tap on the mushroom cap, suddenly a little head emerges from the cave wall. This is a little mushroom person. And he's got big, like, beady black eyes and no mouth.

And he looks at you, Moon Shine. And then he lowers his head and he shoots spores at you. Oh no! I showed him my back! Wait, really? I showed him a couple spores at you. I'm not. I shoot him right back. Wait, really? I shoot a couple spores at him. So this dude?

It's just my instinctual reaction. I'm not trying to initiate combat. I'm just like, I'm going to get a sport. I'm going to get a sport right back. Right. Okay. So he spores you. You spores him right back.

And you suddenly hear in your head. Hi, I was just sporing you because that's the only way we can talk. I don't have a mouth. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm a mutant poison damage, so it's okay. Okay, see, that's a low-digesture that I've really, okay, there's kind of no polite way to do it.

Trying to reciprocate, like someone sneezes on you, slap them back. Right, yeah. They're called rapport spores. Oh, fun. Can I take some from a spore library? I like you because you're gross. I love you.

Funny shiver. Shiver? Thank you so much. You had a little gentleman. He walks over also to a hard one in Beverly and Ol' Cobb and just shoots spores all over you guys. I said, let it happen. It's a good thing.

It's a good thing. We were wondering if you were talking to the mushroom. So you were, okay. Okay. All right guys, I'm Schubert. Oh, hi Schubert. We're talking in our heads. Oh, Nito. Nice.

Do we need to spores you back or anything? Uh, if you want to. Okay. I spit on him. He. Hard one, people. Hi. I spit on him. I mean I

Rub it in wow we've exchanged spores. Oh cool our people have made peace So fill us in what's what's going on Shoeberg? So yeah, I just I'm a mushroom. I live in the cave and You know there's there's goat men here and there's dwarves and stuff. We don't like the doors We know it's really nice to have you guys though. You guys seem nice. Sure. But you like the goat men, just clear fun. I hate the goat men.

OK. We hate the goat men of Lou. No, I hate them. The goat men are super rude. Disgusting. You see another human, sort of like a ghostly dead looking human? Ghostly dead looking human, you know what I'm saying?

I'm sorry. Really? It's been a few days. All right. Huh. Did she use you guys have calendars? She skulks her out of it. She's kind of a skull. How do you tell when it's day and when it's been a few days all right huh She you guys have calendars she skulks around a bitch. It's kind of a school How do you tell when it's day and when it's night down here? Yeah, it's just night all the time. Oh, okay, yeah I don't even know what day is what's day. I don't need you said day before either I'm trying to follow up

Yeah, fuck you man I spit on him again It's for you back into it's like passive aggressive. Oh my gosh, I can hear everything. Now you can double hear me. His voice comes in your head with reverb. I can double hear him and I feel bad because now I have empathy for him. Yeah, but sometimes forgets to check his privilege.

That's all I'm gonna do. I'm so sorry, I'm terribly sorry. I take out a hanky and I wipe it off. Ah, thank you. Although I don't care, I am a mushroom. I've spit on him again. Yeah. Everybody's spitting.

You're cute. Hey, thanks. Yeah, he's spinning. You're cute. Hey, thanks. Yeah, he's this little blue mushroom duty. He's about knee high. He's like a foot and a half, two feet tall. He's this little light blue guy that has hands that kind of look like roots. And his feet look rudy too.

I think I'll scoop him. You're just gonna pick him up. Yeah, I'm gonna scoop him. I'm gonna scoop him. Hard one. Scoop him up. I'm gonna put him on my shoulder. Where him. Hard one, scoop some up. I'm gonna put him on my shoulder. Where are we going?

I scope that scoop. Yep. I'm like hard one. I like this little fucker. What's the plan? I'm a fucker. Alright. Everyone's just talking in their heads by the way.

Where to fuck her? If you guys hate the gomen as much as we do, then you should come and meet my dad. He hates gomen. Okay, I love people, Dad. My dad could teach you stuff. Like what? He's a mushroom, he's not gonna do anything weird. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

He could teach you mushroom stuff. Yeah, she loves mushroom. Can I collect some of his spores? I'm sort of collecting a bit of a spore library to spread mushrooms throughout the world and make it a more fungal place. He starts just dancing in place. He's so excited about idea.

See? Y'all, fungus are fun. Amongus? Amongus? Amongus, yeah. Amongus. Listen, Schumbert, we're crave for any sort of parental structure at the moment, so we would love to meet your parent.

Yeah, and do you think that you and your confolt could provide us with a night's rest, I promise, to do all the cooking. Leave the way, fucker. We don't have mouths, and he leads you guys into the tunnel. Oh my, how do I even take care of them? Food is how I show my love. We just let them kind of suck on our skin. Okay.

You see, as you guys start walking down this tunnel, there are more and more mushrooms. And you see he starts like bopping them on the head and they poke their heads out. Yeah, they poke their heads out. We have like a little parade of mushrooms. You have a little parade of mushrooms following you. And they all spores you as they come out. Yeah, they're kind of like the green tea is just kind of annoying and happy. Um, I'm gonna use my I mean, he was my last wild shape and wild and uh, symbiotic entity, so I look like a mushroom so I can be amongst my people. They're so psyched about that.

I'm becoming a... We're in your head, we're in your head! No, actually, I gotta be honest, this is kind of always who I've been. So, you and I... Mushroom Queen! Mushroom Queen! I mean, you're a beautiful... You're a beautiful... Mushroom Queen Mushroom Queen I mean as much as I Abort all authoritative sort of systems of government. Yes, I am your queen

You got to get further into the game like bioluminescent No, oh can they be yeah, yeah, they're biol luminescent. No, oh. Can they be? Yeah, yeah. They're bioluminescent, why not? You guys go with the mushroom people down the tunnel and you get to a cozy cave full of these mushroom people. It's dark except for the glow of the shrooms. In the center is one of very big mushroom with a brownish cap. Shubbert bobs him on the head and he comes to life.

He only has eyes so he's not like super expressive But you see that they're kind of drawn out and old looking and when he looks over at you moonshine He does kind of a double take Take a picture it'll last One that is like us, but like a little different than us. This is, you speak so wise and yet what you said was just so colloquial. Very cool. It's very cool to meet you.

What is your name? Moonchan Sabin, you might recognize my last name. Oh, like mushrooms, I like them. My name's Fungan, like mushrooms, I like them. We'll get out of town. I can't, I'm a mushroom, I just don't care. Oh right, I'm so sorry, that was exciting. I'm the big daddy mushroom, I stay here,

I leave all my roots in the house. Well, you know, I am a wanderer, but, you know, placing some roots in the ground ain't so bad. Hmm, you see, while you guys are talking, Shoeber to walks over to Fungan, and he goes, dad, they're killing the gold men. That is true. Please spread the word that the three of us

are ridding Bohumia of the scourge of these inhospitable beasts. They really suck. They make kissing not fun. You're killing gold men. Yeah. In that case, let me help as I can. Please, Moanshine, lady Sibon.

I was gonna say stop, but I don't want you to. Bite from my head, and he leans forward in most times. I don't even hesitate. I'm going for it. Before he, as he starts the B of bite, my teeth are out. Oh, you do that. The other mushroom, how did you know he was gonna say that? Yeah, the other mushrooms don't know

he's gonna say that and reach into like grab you to stop you. But you go and you take a bite of him. Moonshine, you have a quick psychedelic trip. Oh yeah, man. Colors flash in your eyes. You briefly pass out on the floor and

convulse. And when you come to you see that your fungal body has become thicker like that there are more roots. You now have the ability to do a skill called rapport spores. Once a day, which means you can communicate with up to four people telepathically for up to an hour between every long rest if you spores them with these spores. You can do what Shubert does with you guys.

I'm like fanning her, like she's in the freak out tent. She's called Repore Spores. Yo, that is good shit. Can I take some of your, can I take some of you for the road? I'm about like a night off. Yeah, you can just take a big chunk out of my head if you want. Yeah, I mean, Bev, you're a little too young for this,

but hard one, you gotta try this shit. I like drugs. Hard one, do you take a bite of it? Sure. Hard one just takes a bite of it. Hard one, you don't learn anything new, but you do. You trip way longer, you have a way lower tolerance

for mushrooms. So I learned some new shit, but none of it useful. I was just so sure about myself. You have some nightmares about the doorfinage where there's these giant dwargers just beating the shit out of you. I guess I just read a book. Hahaha.

If you don't mind, we probably might set up camp here. I can- We're all gonna sleep together in a cave. What? This is really fun. I'm just getting emotional. Oh, we love sleep. We love sleepovers, yeah.

One big shroom. One big shroom. One big shroom. One big shroom. One big shroom. One big shroom. One big shroom. Super is on hard ones shoulder. Just cheering about one big shroom. I know this is, I don't know if this is indecent to ask,

but like is there any way I could just kind of sleep on a bed of some of these little young in like, um, like to use my head as a pillow. Yeah. Looks so soft. It is so soft. It really soft. Oh boy. Everyone use my head as a pillow. Yeah. Looks so soft. It is so soft. It is so soft. Oh boy. Everyone use my head as a pillow.

Okay, yeah. Yeah. Pillow! One big pillow. One big pillow. One big pillow. One big pillow. I'm going to wrap up the little fucker in my rabbit's clothes.

I'm going to live as I sleep. Do you guys all go to bed and getting your stuff back? That seems like the plan. Yep. Dope. So you guys are all getting ready for bed, all sleeping on this big mushroom cap. Munchine, as you guys go to bed, old Cobb saddles up next to you and talks to you. He kind of reminded me of your Mimo back there.

Mimo? Yeah, you know why? Yeah, we know what? Why didn't have a young and ad-each tit? Uh. I mean, she wasn't always a Mimaw. You know, she was an adventurer at one time. Me and her, you know, we used to get up to trouble.

I did a bit of adventurer in with her back in the day. We were always meeting weird mushroom people and talking to trees and stuff. Oh, good, ow, that's crazy, of course I guess that makes sense. They used to call her Jo-Leen the grain. Jo-Leen the grain. You know maybe you two should have a talk when you get back to the creek. I think maybe you have a lot more in common than you think.

Oh, I mean, I suppose I always thought we had stuff in common. Oh, I'm sorry. I suppose I assumed that you thought of her more as like a baby machine and not like a powerful druid. No, I mean, she's a pretty powerful. I mean, she's kind of like the head of the crick. So she is sort of like a matriarch. I'm so sorry, am I crick-splaining to you? Yeah, you kind of are. Oh, goodness. I mean... Where's my hospitality? This is not the wolf, old cop that I am,

I'm gonna go to bed. Ah, you know, old cop, shout the bed. Oh, wait, literally because we're all sharing. I took a little shit, so I'm gonna go by myself and maybe pinch off a loaf into the abyss out there. If that's okay with everyone. Oh, yo, it is fun to pinch a loaf into the abyss out there. If that's okay with everyone. Oh, yo, it is fun to pinch a loaf into the abyss or take a little pee into the abyss.

I've already done it twice. Well, goodbye. And Ol' Cobb excuses himself and goes out to take a poop in the abyss as you guys all go to bed. This is like, wow. I have some dark, dark, dark labyrinth. What is it called?

Dark crystal shit. While we're going to bed, I pull up, I pull over one of the smaller mushroom people and I kind of perched them on my shoulder so I can read by their luminescent life. And I read through all the letters that my dad wrote. Oh, wow. Oh, sweet. Preparing for tomorrow.

They're just about how he's so dang proud of you and how most of the toe-golds are dead. It's kind of grim. Yeah, he wasn't really a writer. Right, they're all very blunt, but I get the sentiment. Yeah, yeah. So you guys wake up in what you assume is morning, but you're in a cave.

And it is now the morning of Bev's dad execution. Oh. Let's get the fuck out of there. We gotta get up there. Now, do we have a rough hour count? Let's say it's probably around four or five in the morning. Okay. And you can assume that, you know,

they'll probably have some light or derves before killing Bev's dad. So Bev's dad's hot legs into blanket before the head. Yeah, Bev's dad will probably die like one or two. Yeah, they're gonna need to get the motions going first. Yeah, beheaded, right? Not hunt. Or do we know hunt?

You don't really know. You don't really know. I did not inquire. It's great. Good morning, good morning, Moonshine. Did you sleep again? Yeah. Oh my goodness. I got stuck too. You just gotta. All right, I thought, Moonshine. Did you sleep again? Yeah. Oh my goodness.

I got stuck too. You just got a... Alright, I thought, I'm okay. Shoebert goes up to you guys. I made you guys something too. That you guys can bring along. That can help. Let's see it, Shoebs.

And he gives you guys three little blue cap mushrooms. Blue, what are these? You can take them so that when you're in trouble, you'll maybe be in less trouble. My favorite kind of drug, too. So these are essentially potions of heroism. So for one hour after eating this little mushroom, you gain 10 temporary hit points that last for one hour.

And for that same duration, you are under the effect of the blessed spell. So you'll get... Deforce. Oh. Is this one of your friends, you bird? No. Okay, I trust you.

Yeah, it's kind of like, you know how, if you eat eggs, it's, you know, it's like more like chicken period than, you know, eating an old baby chick. So gross, but acceptable. Yeah. I mean, I don't totally know how this works. I'm in a live mushroom, sometimes mushrooms aren't alive. This one's not alive. Silk roast man. Yeah. I mean, I don't totally know how this works. I'm in a live mushroom. Sometimes mushrooms aren't alive.

This one's not alive. Yes, true. We have a friend who's a mouse, but not really a mouse. Kind of a mouse man. Wow. Yeah. That's me. Wow, cool.

All right, fucker. This has been fun. Hey, bitch. Nice knowing you. We have an elaborate root handshake. His roots just get all tangled in you. I give them the wax seal that I've been carrying around of the Toggle clan. I'm gonna say, whenever, if you ever need help, please don't hesitate to call on the Toggle. Do they live in the cave?

They don't, but we're in nearby. All right. Okay, and I like press it on the head of a fungan. I will treasure this forever. Absolutely. Thank you so much for your kindness. I'm just going to leave it on my head. If you come back in like 500 years, I will be here with this on my head. That's kind of what I was thinking. Cool. Yeah. Thank you. And I guess we leave. Well, if you'll be off, then good luck. Please kill lots of goats and doggers for us.

We really hate those guys. I gotta feelin' we will. They eat us. I hate them. They eat you. Well, I guess sometimes people eat us and wear their friends and it's cool. If I say eat my head and you go ahead and eat my cap,

I think that's fine. But to just like tear us out of the wall and just, you know, there's a cookus with some rats. Did you know that the rats, it's messed up. They fry up the rats with a little bit mushrooms. I'm sorry, that sounds kind of good. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Please believe before I don't let you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. All right, lady Sibon, it was nice to meet you. And you as well, Fungan. Master Fungan, Mr. Fungan. Master Fungan. Mr. Fungan. Whatever, whatever you prefer. All right, Lord Fungan it is. Thank you. That actually is way prefer. Okay, so as we're walking out to you guys, I'm just kind of like, here's the deal. I've got some spells that I took great pains to memorize this morning that are mostly about sneaking, infiltrating, jumping, spider climbing. When it comes to actual combat,

I may not be as much of a team player. Well leave that to us. And I hold my hand up for a high five. I look at his hand. I put my cheek to it, thinking that this is what I was saying. Oh yeah, the old hand cheek touch. We can add it to the crick sometimes, we get excited. That is the first time I've seen that. Honestly, better. I think this could be a thing. Yeah, while we're prepping, I'm going to go ahead and cast

AID on the entire party. OK. Your spell bolsters your allies with toughness and resolve. She's up to three characters, three creatures within range. Each targets hit points maximum and current hit points increased by five for the duration. Great.

Hell yeah, now I give you that high five. Yeah, I pressed my cheek into your hands. I've got my hands out. Moonshine's cheeks on my left, hard shine's cheeks on my right. And then I guess I'm, I nozzle with old cob. Ha ha ha ha. Wow, we're just cupping cheeks and rubbing noses here.

All right, we'll cuddle more later. Now let's go save some of that. Hell yeah. I mean, heck yeah. It's okay, your dad's about to be executed. You can drop some H.E. double hockey sticks. So what's the plan? All right, I think the dorkers,

we're giving them too much credit right now, and your dad's gonna die. So let's just go right in. Yeah, that's a factor. These are both great points. So you guys are just heading around the front. Damn right, the entrance. Yeah, Marchin.

Marchin. Marchin, chest high, ground. Legs thick. Legs thick, chest high, legs thick. You guys go back around and you see the two same crazy guards from yesterday who killed those goat men are standing at the gate. I'm gonna push one of them over the fucking area.

Okay, so the only way you could sneak along the bridge is if you like hung and, you know, that seems equally dangerous. Climbed along the side. Well, I mean, why don't we just bait them out into the tunnel, fight them there? Yeah. So we're not alerting the entire thing.

We'll get rid of the look out and then go in. I think I'd like to go into the tunnel and do my best. Goat man impression. Yeah. All right. Young Bev, I know you're good at making calls. There we go. Oh, wait, wait, wait.

This might just attract a bunch of goats. We don't want to fight goat men too, unless they're fighting each other. I'm less than fighting each other. All right, yeah, I'm gonna do a goat call in both direction. Grace, just yelling goat sounds. Well, that's a five.

It always, always. Well, it's plus my performance, which is four. So nine. Okay, nine. Cool, let's press my performance, which is four. So, nine. Okay, nine. Cool. So many numbers. Can I try to do my own goat mating call? Sure. Yeah.

It's gonna be 12. Okay. Okay. Mine's a little hotter. Make your sounds, guys. What do they sound like again? Three, two, one, two, one. Ooh, cunts, I want a fucking dog. your sounds guys. What do they sound like again? They're like, wee wee wee wee wee. Ooh, colds.

Oh, I want a fucking door. I mean, that is a nine and a 12. You hear that, you hear the dwarves yell, the goats never fuck. Who's here? Who's here?

I just want to do a kiss. I want, I want mithril. The dwarves start running across the bridge towards the tunnel. Alright, we get prepared to ambush. Go! I got my, I got my grade acts in like a batter stance ready to just swing into this dude. Cool. As these guys go into the tunnel, they turn invisible.

Everybody roll initiative. Fuck! What? Oh, be fucking kidding me! I got ten. 13. 7. Everybody roll initiative. Buck! What? Oh, be fucking kidding me. That's 10. 13. 7. So that's actually, so Ol' Cobb goes first.

These guys are just gone. And Ol' Cobb just holds up his gun and goes, Oh, magic doors, I don't like this. And he's just gonna prepare a reaction for, uh, he's just like paranoid backing up, pointing his blunderbusting alter action at us too. Yeah, he's just gonna prepare a reaction for he's just like paranoid backing up pointing his blunderbusting alter actions at us to Shoot ourselves if we need to you never know. I don't know. He's just gonna prepare a reaction for when one of them Comes out the things got a pretty widespread. I feel like you could just take it educated guess if we got to shoot ourselves We got to shoot ourselves everybody the last option these doggers are bad news, okay

Cool that is you hard one. I guess I'll swing at the air and Just rolling the tack roll with this advantage. My man It's really good at the air. It's too bad that that's with this advantage because I did just crit Oh shit, and then I didn't crit again, but that is a 27. Yeah! Yes, you hit the air! You hit him! Yeah, the door...

You hit him. Do your damage. Oh, does that mean that he's not invisible anymore? Because he got hurt? Yes, he's not invisible. Okay, cool. So, great. Hard one.

You swing at the air, and you catch this dude in the shoulder blade and he appears and he goes Ah! How did you see me? How did you see me? Are you here to steal the metal? Are you here to steal the metal? I'm here to fuck you up. I'm the bastard of the mountain and I get to reroll my fucking ones. You're damn right, you're the bastard of the mountain, you bastard. That's... I did... 11. Cool. You fuck him up pretty bad his shoulder looks

Injured let's see if I can separate the full arm. I'm gonna take my side. Oh, yeah, and now you're not at this advantage Don't just regular little attack. Uh, it's 24 that hits It's for 13 13 this door goes on dorths Who's up? Oh, I can't wait to go to the mithril the mithril factoring in the sky Oh, we're sending you there heaven is a factory to you. We all love dying down here dream bigger I can't wait to work in a mine they might get good For an eternity and that would you've been doing your whole? There's nothing here but rocks.

We just pick out rocks. He just starts clawing at the rocks. That is moonshine. I'm just going to shalele my staff. OK. And whack this guy. Great. He is super hurt.

A 16 hit. That's just hits. Yeah. These guys have just hits. Yeah. These guys have little shields. OK. And then that's going to be an eight to hit. Or eight, I'm hitting him eight total. Finish him.

Yeah. I take my staff. I hold it to light up his face. And I say, not invisible anymore. And then I shove the non-lit upside of my staff up his nose into his brain. Just the worst sound comes out of him. And then I'm just going to spores the air. Just at the air? Okay. Ultra breath. You know what? Let's just say since you generally know where he is, to generally know where he is, roll an attack roll with disadvantage.

Well, I already got one, too. So it's gonna be that. It's gonna be worse than that, yeah. Yeah, shout out to the two crew. Yeah, let's see if you get a one. I didn't, so it's gonna be a two. Shout out to the two crew. Moonshine, you essentially do like a quiet little sneeze

and just spore snot comes out of your nose. I don't have to. Wait, Mo, Moonchan, use the snot, use the spore to sense where he is. Okay. There would be a ripple in the air where the spore is hit. They didn't hit. They didn't hit. I'm saying. I don't think I can spore again. I just used my spore.

Next time, Bev, it's your turn. Alright. We got one more invisible guy. Murf, can I, with my divine sense, detect any presence? Okay. I take a big swig from my canteen, and then I spray water all around me to see if I can detect a ripple from the physical form of the dwarf. Do a, like, acrobatics check or just a destirty check to see how quick you do that, to see

you can attack after you do that. Gotcha. So let's say DC5 to do that and find him, DC10 to do that and have it take one attack, DC15 to have it and take two. He already rolled a T. I rolled a one, but I'm going to do my reroll now. Okay. If it's a three, fuck me.

Is that a 10 plus athletics, he now? Okay. If it's a three, fuck me. It's a 10 plus athletics, he said? Yeah, 14. 14, okay, so we'll say it takes one of your attacks to do that. Okay. But you do splash on an invisible man. All right, got you. No, I'm all wet.

The sucks. The moisture of justice has dampened you, sir. slash out of great do it. Yeah regular without disadvantage Oh, that's a 17 plus yeah plus eight. Yeah, it's gonna hit all right. Let me roll my D8. I'm wet now. I hate this Weird because you live in a damp cave. You think that you would take a liking my home is dry Well, don't worry. You live you. I'll don't where do you live? You'll be dead soon. Where do you what that's a 15 15 damage. Yeah, geez He's hurt Now he's now he appears to us now he's visible

So he's just gonna come up and swing his pick at Beverly's little head I'm gonna pick your head. You wanna say like you got an axe to pick? Or like I'm gonna pick your head. I'm gonna pick your brain. I'm gonna pick your head. Okay, I'm gonna pick your head. I'm gonna pick your head.

I'm gonna pick your head. Oh, that's good, I'm gonna pick a two. I choose you to kill. It's better. Well, that's not even a pick. So, I'm not even a pun anymore. I'm gonna pick your head. Right.

Your mind. He got a 15 and he missed. Oh, yeah, that's good. Anyway, you missed. So I'm going to kill you now, I guess. Cool. So he misses. Oh, it was old cops reaction.

He never went. He's going to shoot at this guy. And he misses. He's still like paranoid back and up. And he just blasts. Can I hear an old copy just appeared? Hold on, wait. Can I quick report for everyone and be like,

I feel like old cop does not hit that off. I don't want to say it. Hold on, wait. What? Can I quick report, Spor is everyone and be like, I feel like Old Cobb does not hit that offense. I don't want to say it. But when he does. When he does, wait, are you, are you, are you, I don't know, I'm joking around. Hey guys, we should, we should hold onto this guy, maybe try and get some information out of him. Yeah, hard one, that's your turn.

I say we kill. Okay, there will be more information in mind from these. Voting is important. Yeah, cool. Yeah, we vote kill him. Yeah. How's pop off feel? Right here.

Yeah. He's a numbs down, like a Roman Emperor. Yeah. I miss with my first attack. Take my second. Cool. Involuntarily a girl. God damn, I rolled two ones.

Ah. Ah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, 10. 10 damage. He is so close to death. And then I wretch spores on the hem. Not even cute. Just like exorcist, projectile vomit. It's like your time with the mushrooms has taught you how to do it better. Oh, this is even groser than water.

Wait, but I hate water. So that's where three more. So I had him for 13. Yeah, he's dead. Yeah! Oh, wait, can I say how I kill him? Yes. I like to take my Simitar, slide this off his head, and then use my Simitar and my staff, like devil sticks with his head.

You need to mention that you knew devil sticks before, but I gotta be honest, I didn't believe you. I felt like maybe I needed to show. Moonshan, what are Devil Sticks? I thought, are you referring to Melora torches? Yeah. Oh yeah, I love those things. Yeah, Melora torches. Yeah, those are so fun.

Yeah. Okay. We investigate the bodies to see if they have like a map or any sort of like, yeah. They have bloom keys. You go through their belongings and they just have rocks and rats and just crazy. They have rats? Can we split up there?

Do they have one of them? Do they have any mithron? One of them has a dead rat. Okay, dead rat. Oh, can I take it? Yeah. Do they have any? How long has it been dead, do you think?

It's like it's been dead for a few days. What's in your wallet? But, can I divvy up there armor to all of us so we can sort of try to sneak across the bridge, looking a little bit like... Ah, what? Yes, sure. I feel like I would be able to maybe approximate a dwarf.

Dwarfs would weigh about 120 pounds more than you would. That's a good idea. Let's dress bev up like a dwarf. And then he can pretend to be our jailer. Oh, yeah. Oh, hard one. Shape off your beard and give it to me. No fucking chance.

I'm worth a shot at that. I cut some of my hair and I put, and I hack up some spores to use as an adhesive to put this one by my greatest performance yet. Let's send Old Cobb and Bev across the bridge as these two dwarves. Okay. Wait, Old Cobb is also an elf.

I don't think they would buy him as a dwarf. Whatever. I don't think this is gonna work anyway. Probably not, but it'll be fun. Okay, cool. But now there's no lookout. So, Councillor Point, we could just probably walk across Let's definitely I think I should dress up as a dwarf anyways a backup. Okay. I'm gonna like put like a big pillow

under my Under my my Orchard being bag. Yeah, I put my sleeping bag. I put my backpack in front. Oh my god, so that I look like a big fat dwarf Okay, yeah, you Do a bad job of looking like a dwarf. Can I roll the deception check? All right, deception or performance? Hmm, either one. Okay, either way. Oh, you gotta let me start rolling performance for deception then. Okay. Oh, actually mine are the same. My performance. That That's gonna be a 21.

21, okay, cool. It actually looks real good. Yeah, Bev looks like, you know that movie, Bee Kind rewinds with Jack Black and, what's it most deaf? Oh, no, I definitely thought you were speaking of the Bee movie. No, so they did some low rents versions of movies.

Well, it's kind of like cutesy and tweed. He looks like a cutesy tweed dwarf. Right. But it's pretty good. Oh, cool. He could make a YouTube video as a dwarf, maybe. Like if they're impressive Halloween costumes. Yes, but clearly, yes.

I like my smoky eyes. Amazing. Right, yeah. Yes, you essentially have a really good Halloween costume on right now. All right. Let's go. Wow. I hand him a pillow sack and I say, if anyone gives you candy. Oh, cool. Cool. So you guys just walking across the bridge now. All of you together. Even though Bev's kind of a dwarf. I will lead the way. Great. And I think yeah, maybe if we see any dwarfs just say, rounding up some people who are trying to steal our mithril.

They are insane, so who knows, right? Yeah. I am gungar. And I love that mithril stuff. All right, we enter. Cool. So you guys walk across this long, very scary bridge.

There's just a bis on both sides of you. And... I sneak a peek at Hardwant to see if he's a little bit scared. I'm not afraid of heights. I grew up in one of these. Quite down you too. Give me a performance check or a deception check. Deception, but I'm not lying.

I'm joking. They're different. Either way, it was a 12. Ha ha ha. Hardwant accidentally looks a little scared even though he's not. Like he gets social anxiety thinking about what you think about him. And he's scared from that, but it seems like you're afraid of the mallet. He starts peeing off the bridge.

Cool. So you guys, yeah, you guys walk across these appear to have been the only guards. You enter the city and you see houses without roofs. You see various crumbled structures. There are a few homes that have lights on inside, like torches and fireplaces and stuff, but for the most part they seem abandoned. You do here and see a few dwarfs just like shambling about, like you see one guy with a giant rat, like a dog sized rat over his shoulder, just skipping and walking home. The stuff you see around here, you see a tavern

with a broken sign hanging from the doorway that says, pickies, you can hear dwarves, a few dwarves inside of it. There aren't lights on inside though, but you can hear the noise. There's also a big collapsed statue of like a dwarven king that's just kind of laying in the path. All right, this town sucks. Yeah.

All right, you mithril stealers. Did you all with you? Yeah, I think we just keep going and see if we, we will do, yeah. I think we don't like try to draw attention to ourselves, but we try to make our way through. Yeah, all right. Walking like you on the place, you know? Yeah, you guys, of... We want to do, yeah. I think we don't like try to draw attention to ourselves, but we try to make our way through. Yeah, we're walking like you on the place, you know? Yeah, you guys...

Are you guys still thinking you're just gonna walk right in? Yeah, we'll still. We'll still. Yeah, okay. Romi, still checks. I got 20. 16. Not natural.

Lord bless the two crew. I have rolled a natural two. I myself is zero, so that two is gonna remain. You are the only one that's a war. It's true, I don't have a need for stealth. So as you guys start to walk into the city to try to get to the keep in the back, I'm really kind of clanging along as this dwarf.

As you guys pass the giant statue, go ahead and give me a perception check. Ooh, that's gonna be 23. Eight. I can never find it. That's 15. Okay, Moon Chin, you see a little gnome poke out from the hollowed out head, from like the eye, and go,

Tee. And he pulls out a little like blow gun and he blows and shoots a blow dart at Beverly and he cracks Beverly with it and Beverly you take what you were sneaking you got caught You take a little trouble start for damage, okay, and Do a DC 12 constitution saving throw. Oh, it's poison. Four damage. Okay. And do a DC-12 constitution saving throw. Uh-oh. Oh, it's poison.

I got 12. Cool, you passed. Oh, cool. Cool. So you do not get poisoned, but yes, this little gnome, Moonshine, you saw him in a flash, pop up, Tee-hee. Shoot a blow dart at Beverly and hit him.

I grab him. I scoop him. I go ahead and do like an attack, roll to try to step him. Well, he's up on the statue, right? We're always scooping. The statue is collapsed. 16. 16 is a goop him.

He's going to try to get away. He didn't see you because you were still thinking so well and he rolled really bad. So you successfully scooped this gnome. Scooped it. Where you going? Stop. What kind of trouble you getting into, Lil' One, Tee?

Hi. Don't you know me? It's me, Gunga. He tries to shoot a blow dart at me. That any misses. I just, misses. I slapped the blow dart out his finger. I plugged the, I plugged the whole of the blow dart gun.

He tries to blow it into your finger. Ow. Okay, Lil' One, you are wild and newly I plug the hole of the blow dart gun. He tries to blow it into your fingers. Ow! Okay, little one, you are wild and newly rabid. Rrr. Tehee. Are you good or bad? Are you evil or not? Tehee's are really cute, but then the rest of the time it's suddenly another little Another little no post out from inside the head. Okay, I'm going to kick him in the head. Come on. I'm rolling.

I'm rolling. A deck's already checked. As he goes, sure, sorry. What did you get? Oh, it's going to be the no. I got a three. Okay. No, no shoots that you hard on as you go to kick him.

And he definitely hits a constitutions, David. Oh god damn it. 16. 16. You pass your constitutions, David, throw, but you do take six damage. And he goes, t. And he goes back into the head.

The one in moonshine sands is going to be with him. I got advice like grip around him. OK. I take Papa's bridal. and shine, sands. It's gonna be good. No, I gotta vice like grip around them. Okay. I take Papa's bridal. Yeah, that just, I tell you, I'm trying to do this. I'm trying to do this top. Can I, are we in initiative not yet?

We could be. Well, before we do that, I wanna just put my shield over the top of the hole. Okay, nice. You go over it. I just wanna talk to this guy. Yeah, I don't know if I'll fight all these like this. I sit on top of the whole with my shield. Beverly blocks the

hollowed out eyeball from the giant head of the statue. Okay. What's your name, you little creep? Teee. I won't tell. I slap him. Oh, you're fun. And he slaps you back. I thought again. Just tell me your dad. He slaps you back How you know I'm gonna start tickling him. I thought he wouldn't like it. I'm gonna hold him I'm gonna hold him upside down by his little ankles You hear from inside the statue. Tee-hee-hee-hee. As they're trying to push out,

stop it. Oh, the shield. What do you- Oh, Malora, okay. Do you like the dwarfs? I'd like to find tricks on them. Ooh, nice. How'd you like to trick these guys?

How'd you like to trick them by stealing all their mithril and throwing it over the ledge. Oh, that sounds fun. What are you like? If I go too close, they always try to swat it. Tee hee, tee. I wear a look at it swat, and don't worry.

That sounds fun. I'm down to lead at Noah and Army and take all the mithril. Yeah, we're gonna help you. We're gonna help you. We're gonna throw the mithril. That's gonna be so funny. Tee, tee. Yeah, we're gonna help you. We're gonna help you play. It's still a mithril, that's gonna be so funny. It's gonna be so teee-hee worthy. I point to the humor patch on hard one. We're real good at pranks.

I'm hilarious, not as funny as old cops. Wow. Yeah, that's right. So where do they keep the mithril? They keep building the castle, but it's so hard to get on teee-hee teee-hee. I sneak around sometimes, but they always kick me to get on. Tee-hee-hee-hee, I'll sneak around sometimes, but they always kick me out.

Can you show us how to sneak around? Do you know what room they keep it in? To keep it upstairs. Oh, sweet of you. We got out of it. Then we're gonna get you in there. Tee-hee-hee-hee, oh my God. Well, I lived up Beverly and opened up the hole

through all the other notes. But three other notes come crawling at t t t. This is fun. This is going to be real fun too. I got a warning although if I see any blow darts coming out, I'm going to put my mouth over it and reverse blow dart that down your fucking throat. Give me an intimidation check. Oh no. I got a six. Okay. I feel like it was

really intimidating the way I said it. So I'm not going to let the dice take the wind out of my sails. I feel good. All right, let's go. Let's go to this castle. Let's go. You guys keep going through the city ruins. Dude, did we learn the, the gnome's names? Do they have names? They're not gonna tell us. Alright. We'll just call them.

That's my name. Yeah, no, I don't care. Let's go to the castle. Yeah, I am. You're creep one, creep two, creep three, creep seven. You're creep. You're all ton of the junior. Let's go.

They start, they start just like wiggling around behind you guys. Or a Sarah or a tricky little. Oh my God. And another life. I was gonna say they do sound like your fellow groupies. As you guys are walking they go. They're going to be so gross they're gonna find us. Alright y'all should I pass without Trace on?

Oh wait, how's the time? Great. All right. That's right, I'm gonna fucking pass without Trace on these little pieces of shit. Oh, no. Now you're sneaky creeps. Oh, so you guys cast Pass Without Trace,

go ahead and roll me a stealth roll. Then we add 10 with Pass without trace right that's my second I got a 32 Wow, I can't wait 18. What do we add to it? 10 right I got a 12 okay With a natural to it. It's at its beating heart as you guys get further back into the cave You see that the ceiling does hang lower the ceiling essentially looks like a giant stalactite hanging down about like 50 feet over the castle tower. The castle itself though is rife with activity. There are torches at the front and two guards in rusty armor standing guard. And then you see nearby there's a big warehouse which seems

to be mostly intact. What's the warehouse? You'd redorven, right? Damn right, I do. You see a sign that says, Sully's supplies. Cool. That sign is in my not natural mother tongue.

My adopted mother tongue. Yeah. It said Sully supplies. We might need some of that shit if we're gonna get up onto that still, I think. Hey, creep one, what's in Sully supplies? There's lots of fun stuff in there. We need ropes. We need grappling hooks. We're so much of that. Okay, you know, there's other fun things too.

Would it be fun for pranks? So fun for pranks. All right, let's go on a goddamn shop. Okay, I think I should I think one of us should stay out here with the gnomes because they're gonna steal if they get in there. For sure. I'll stay with the gnomes since I'm in somewhat of a disguise. Yes. What's what's the matter? No, you look very depressed. Oh no, I'm excited. I kind of want to go in there. There's something I could share you in there. What is it? Okay, we'll bring one. We'll bring one no man. I'll bring this little trick They all start pushing each other. I Want to go I want to go I want to go I tie them all to Beverly

Beverly is just like a life raft of nobs He's like a dog walker I'll scoop the first one and put them on my Right now you guys stay with me. I'm gonna show you a cool card trick. Wow, a lot of card tricks. And I start doing like a three card shuffle on the ground with my card set. All right, your name's fucker now. What's going on?

Oh, fucker, that's a bad word I like. That's right. Cool. So are you guys sneaking into the warehouse? Or what are you guys doing? I guess I'll just walk in. Well, we got past without trace. Why not use it?

Yeah, do stealth rolls. Yeah, I think we should sneak. 20s, oh, 31. Wow. I got a 24. You guys sneak into the warehouse, it's this big building, but it's only one floor. You see tall shelves full of mining supplies,

picks and ropes and explosives. You see that there are mine carts without explosives. That's wheels in one of the corner. and ropes and explosives. You see that there are mine carts without explosives. That's beautiful. In one of the corners. And you see four of these dorker guys, almost like they're pretending to still be working in a normal mine.

And you see them putting away like the same set of picks, just like picking up a box, taking them down, putting them back up. I think that we're gonna need picks to even like break the break into it. Yeah, and move my needs from this dynamite too. And you see, what were you calling the gnome fucker? Yeah, fucker.

So fucker, fucker pulls at your pant like hard one. And he goes, look at that. What is it, fucker? He points up overhead, you see on a platform being held up by chains, is some kind of mining vehicle It's on wheels There is a thick glass bubble to like protect the driver and two big drills extend from mechanical arms out of the front of it It almost looks like a lobster claws are like pincers, but drills always that is the had a lack of mining view

I've seen one of these before Only the richest dwarfs in iron teeth We're driving these around but how are we gonna get it? We're gonna take it We just take it we just drive it out of here. We get sneak around There's a little lever that pulls it down the dwarfs is gonna get mad cool. How many of them how many of these dwarfs are there four four? Yeah, let's just try let's just try and pull that lever, get in and make it an escape. Cool.

I go out to tell Beverly to prepare himself to jump into a little car. So you're gonna go out? I prepared my whole life. It, uh, Beverly, you're gonna go in there with them or are you still waiting near the castle? I guess moonshine, what do you think I should do? I think I'm worried that these little gnomes

are gonna create a scene. Yeah, I'll keep them distracted. We'll come pick you up. Yeah. Okay. I'm just saying we're gonna speed by, like basically a Tokyo drift and then have you jump in. I wanted nothing more. Do we want to, well, yes, we're,

we're it's gonna break out. I was gonna say though, do we want to just like, release the gnomes into that factory and have them start playing all their tricks on these, on doggers? So there's just like chaos and then we drive away. We don't need these. Really good idea. Let's get. Let's play with fireworks in the big warehouse. Yes. All right. Great. Let's go with it cause a goddamn ruckus. Real quick. Fucker. Point out that lever for for me for moon shanye sure he um Points in like the back corner of the warehouse. Do I see it?

Do I spot the exact lever? There's no other levers around and I'll be able to run there other levers and stuff around But he points to the one that you need great. Thanks so much Alright fucker. Why don't you guys cause some mischief? All right, fucker. Why don't you guys cause some mischief? Can I wrap a whole bunch of pickaxes and rope and dynamite in my cloak? So I'll need you to roll another stealth roll. That'll be a little tougher

if you're actually going around and stealing stuff. Right now you guys kind of just snuck in the door and hit. Cool. I wanna steal some stuff. Yeah. Okay, guys, give me stealth checks. Wait, but I want to steal some stuff. Okay, sweet. guys, give me a stealth check. Wait, we want to steal some stuff.

Okay, sweet. So me and the other gnomes are still outside. You guys are still outside. Yeah, a 23. 19. Cool. You guys successfully sneak around and while one durer who keeps putting the same picks in and out of a box,

he turns around, still like go pick up another box. You guys are able to grab some picks and ropes. Sweet. Picks, ropes. What about explosives? You could climb a little bit higher to go get explosives. I'm gonna get some explosives. We might deal.

Yep. Give me another stealth rope. 27. Dope. Yeah. You silently climb up. So even though you're like a huge guy, you can still fit because these shelves are so huge.

So you're able to sneak up, get to where they have the explosives and kind of hide in that little cubby. And you get a few bombs, some dynamite. OK, I take fucker and I say, you know what? My favorite toy is when I was a kid? What's that? And I hand him a little book of matches. You see his eyes light up.

I love fire. Cool. And then I'm gonna go position myself to pull that lever. Did you roll another stealth roll to get to the lever? Oh. Go ahead. It's a 23, another 23. Wow.

You guys are stealthiest fuck. Well, I have advantage on it and then I also add plus 10. So honestly 23 isn't even that impressive. There's also there's a lot of stuff around. There's boxes everywhere. There's mine carts and everything. So Moonchan, you're able to kind of army crawl under a lot of these carts and behind these boxes and stuff.

And yeah, you get over near this lever. Yeah. Sweet. Now I'm gonna nod at you. I near this lever. Yeah. Sweet. Now I'm gonna nod at you. I'm gonna go get a fucker. He's gonna like to match his and start running around causing Mr. You want me to just start a fire?

Yeah, yeah fucker I do. Knock over and knock over all the pickaxes. Open up the crates. He likes the match like in the little cupid with you. I'm with you with these I blow it out You see he grabs a piece of dynamite lights it and throws it all right

He just throws it into the middle of the room Everybody roll initiative. All right. There's this giant explosion and the dwarves start freaking out. Great. I got 14. Nine. Nine as well.

But if you do hear a huge explosion coming from in that warehouse, so even though you're outside, I'll still let you act on your turn. All right, I was, okay, it's not your turn. Okay, so it is actually, so fuck a world high is, so even though you're outside, I'll still let you act on your turn. Alright, I was... Okay, it's not your turn. Okay, so it is actually... So fucker rolled high is so fucker rolled first. Don't. Fucker.

Pokes has had out of the cubby and goes, he he he, it was him! And he points back at hardwares. He little... He's a shit. Oh my god! And fucker jumps down and he runs out. He just engages and he leaves the warehouse.

We got tricked! I'm kidding. Fucker! I'm getting, I'm getting fucker and then I'm gonna fucking take his little blow dart and blow that dart down his little fucking throw. It's your turn, Vinci. Okay, I pulled a lever and then I chase fucker.

Okay, so I can, lever. Leave it be fucker. Okay, so you, lever. Leave it be alone with all the dwarves. Yeah. I'm gonna catch him. I'm gonna catch him. The cart starts lowering. I've got better speed than him. I can't hear you.

I'm 35. Oh my God, he's slow. He only has 20 feet. Then I'm gonna jump on him. Okay, well he's a little further away than you are. He took his whole turn to run away Munchan you pull the lever the drill vehicle starts to come down the dwarf star freaking out They're here for the missile. They're here to steal the mental. They're gonna mind the metro. Where's the minors?

Munchan you took off protecting your jobs Jesus and Munchan you take off after fucker and yeah, you're like 20 feet away from him. Right. What are you gonna do to him? Scoop him. You're not next to him yet. Cool. All right, so you're running after fucker.

That is the doggers who there are four of them. They are going to all enlarge themselves. They suddenly turn into these big beefy dwarf dudes that are like human size, but thick as fuck. Cool, so kind of like me. Yeah, yeah, they look like you. But you're more like a real cut like pro wrestler. These guys are like strong, man.

Oh shit. They got guts. That is you hard one. So you're up in this cubby, and these big dwarfs are just coming at you How far away is this is the car like if it's on its way down? Oh, Shit, you're up in the cubbies. You're jumping to it Yeah, it's enough to it that you can get there with your movement. I want to try to jump into the cubby swing on the chains

Hop into hop into this car as you go to hop into the car You see that it's got this glass bubble. Do I understand how these cars work? Would I know how to get in? Do an intelligence check. You did, you worked in the minds of some child liver. Can I roll with advantage? I probably see these in time. Okay. Okay. Hell yeah, that's a not 20 baby. Oh my god. Yes, I know everything about this. That's the net, like, you wanna get. Yeah, I like red like the dwarf version of FastTrack magazine.

I was super into these cars. Hard one, knows all about this. The fucking bastard of the mountain sticks his hand under the cart, pushes like a little switch and the glass comes down. It's big enough for like a few dwar glass comes down. It's big enough for like a few dwarves, so it's definitely big enough for like you and you know moonshine and Beverly and stuff. Are you gonna get into it? Yeah, I'm gonna get into it. Cool, there are.

There are. I've only seen one of these as a poster room. There are 10 levers. Cool. That is your turn to open it, get into the cart. That is you Beverly. Okay, so I'm still outside. So I'll say if you want to run into the warehouse using like a full action and move, you can do that. Like a dash action. Yeah, I turn to the three, the three noems I say,

Dinkle, Finkle, Aynas, let's do this. Yeah, I'm Aynas. I gave you all names for a purpose now go earn them And I rush in with the the nooms right The army of nooms Russian that is fuckers turn And he misses, and he keeps running away, but he doesn't have that much speed. The other gnomes are gonna go.

They are going to- I desperately wanna kill him with his own dart. Bev, give me a perception check. I have a feeling that we should not trust him. We should not have trusted these gnomes. Seventeen. Beverly, you feel a gnomes snatch your like, I have a feeling that we should not trust. So this is 17. We should not have trusted these names. 17. Beverly, you feel a gnome snatch your like a gold purse.

No. He starts to run away. Wait, these guys were never rocked right. Oh, mollorra. We should have made our back with the dougers. I'm rich. I'm rich. Which way is he running?

Back towards the front of the city, but he can only run like 20 feet. This was a bad plan. Ah! Aidan, Aidan, how could you? I guess that is a little chine stone. Falker is fleeing and giggling. I'm going after a Falker.

You catch up doing. Okay, I grab his little blow dart. Okay, give me a grapple check. It, give me a like a grapple check. It's gonna be seven. He rolled a five. Yeah, you grab, you grab. Grab his blow dart. I shove it in his little mouth and then I blow the dart into down his throat while I'm transforming into a fungal queen. So I'm also throwing in six hit points of spores in them. Cool, because it's dope, I will let you spit

a dart back into them. No, no, not into him. I shove it in his mouth like I'm fucking putting a fucking straw in an orange. A pool, pool, pool, pool, with the little dart loaded, and then I fucking blow it out like into his fucking throw. Okay, you blow it Jesus

While we're using spores in there as well Okay, I'm going to say I'm going to I'll spell this man with death Okay, so his darts does a d4 plus 2 damage I'm gonna say that's a crit But automatically you're blowing it into his mouth So just roll a 2 d4's You just intubated him to death

6 6 plus 2 That's 8 And then how much damage do your spores do? So just roll 2D4's. You just intubated him to death. 6. 6 plus 2. That's 8. And then how much damage do your spores do? 6, because I'm a fungus queen. So I got pissed. He is on death's door in your hands.

Just choking on... Can I just snap his own hand? No, you'll have to do it on your turn. Alright, well I still look at him and I say, Teeheehee, motherfucker. That is the Dorgers turn. You see one of the Dorgers runs over to the lever that moonshine pulls and pulls it back and hard one you feel yourself start to go back up.

And the other guys, you are in this glass bubble so they can't really hit you. They start climbing up the shelves. I'll do climb checks for them, for them to get up there. Okay, the one guy is gonna get up pretty successfully. Second guy is to, other guy rolled a one. So one of the guys falls flat on his ass as he tries to climb up the shelves.

Two of the guys successfully get up to like your level, but they're not gonna be able to attack this turn. But you've got two big ass dwarves up getting ready to get on the platform with you. That is your turn, hard one. Can I flip on the switch that makes the drills go? Oh wait, you're gonna drill through the actual platform. No, I wanna swing the drill the the cart towards the doggers,

the doggers. The doggers, the doggers. The proud family of doggers. That's amazing. Go ahead and give me an intelligence role with advantage again. All right, you got this? 19, I don't think I add anything to my experience.

That's fine, and 19 is really good. You have to do the little like Austin Powers' K-Turn to get it to turn around, but you turn it around and yeah, you're able to attack with two drill attacks on this turn. So go ahead and roll. No, 20, it's a plus eight to hit. That's a nine for my first time.

I'm not. You go to drill into one of the dudes and he moves over and he's like, how did they know how to use it? And you just drill into one of the dudes and he moves over and he's like, how did I know how to use it? And you just drill into one of the shelves. I was raised by the mountain 20 20 Yes, you strike one of these guys and the damage is 66

66 66 though Drill master god I rolled so many ones 13 13 damage. Yeah, you drill into this one, doggers like arm, and he's barely able to pull it back, but yeah, his hand still hits like the whirling blades, and he grabs it. Ah, fuck. That is your turn, Bev.

Bev, you run in. Yeah, these gnomes have just stolen gold from you. You see a hard one up there just driving a vehicle, fighting big dwarves. Well, one of them is pulling a lever, and Mochon is just holding a little gnome who is choking. There's all these evil dwarves. And you're telling them.

Was it, was it the plan? Was this the plan? No, fucker betrayed the plan, and now I'm betraying him. Oh, he'll go to the bush. Fuck, oh, cob. Oh, cob I guess was with Bev. So I'll say he'll go after Bev. Okay, oh, cob, we have got ourselves in quite a pickle this time.

Oh, I forgot that I was here. Let me just shoot that little gnome for you. Thank you. Cool, he goes do shoot the gnome and he hits. Yeah. Yeah. Is he shooting fuckers? Is he shoot the gnome and he hits Is he shooting fuckers he shooting the Shot the gnome he did nine damage on his first hit he's gonna take another shot at a nice and he does hit And he sees us fully shoots this gnome in the back as he's got your gold. I'm rich now.

He collapses down. They were so cute and tricky. Is Anus dead? He's dead. Okay, cool. And Ol' Cobb. Smirras Corpse on the start. Ol' Cobb says, take it away, Ben, I'll get your money back.

And Ol' Cobb runs over towards the other side. Right, kind of, Ol' Cobb. I want to run towards the lever. I'll say another dash action, or you can run in and throw a javel at the guy. I'm going to say he's about 50 or 60 feet away from you. Yeah, I'll ram into him with my shield and my javelin race. Yeah, why not?

It's dope and it's cool. And everybody's doing cool shit right now. So let's just let people do cool shit. Great rule. Don't out, bro. Don't at me. Unless you're gonna say it's awesome. Go ahead and roll.

We'll do it in a form. Those athletics check. Because this guy's gonna lower his shoulder than the state dwarf as you run at him with your shield hapling versus enormous you always want to me to play football dad haha haha

uh... go ahead and roll in that's like halflings love football because of their feet i'm rolling it nineteen he only beat you because he is big oh no and he just barely beat you so as you go to ram him he shoulder rams you back and you guys are like two fucking rams.

That's still good. It's dope. So you're still going toe to toe with this dude. And that is going to be fucker, who is going to try to get away from moonshine, and he fails. Yeah, that's right. That's you moonshine.

All right, I say, I've been far too hospitable to rotten little creatures that don't deserve my hospitality. And then I fish the dart out of his throat and I stab him in the heart with it. Oh my goodness. Love it. Yeah, I'm making a tackle. This is all bananas.

This is gonna be 20. Yep, yep, that hits, believe it or not. Wow, just finish him, he's at like 1 HP. This is all bananas. This is gonna be 20. Yep, yep, that hits, believe it or not. Wow, just finish him, he's at like 1 HP. Yeah, I stab him. I turn him into a little voodoo doll, and I say, I hope all your little friends can fucking feel this.

That's my such a painful death. I did it deserve that. And then I use my movement to run over and help Bev, and I spores the guy who's a nice spores the guy who he's ramen Okay cool. Oh and as I'm running over I kick kick fuckers Good kick fuckers corpses his head just comes right off I really like the last fucker. You got two fuckers this episode. Yeah fucker two is no good I really like the last fucker. You got two fuckers this episode.

Yeah, fucker two is no good. I think we just tapped into it. I feel like we've had so many little shit's just pulled on our ass that this was just the last straw. Moonshot is just like, I'm so sick. We don't like big trick. The Craig benefit of the dow. She's turning into a monster.

So many betrayed by so many critters. You betrayed by the gnome. This is not how I expected this encounter to go. It's amazing It's like the rules are out the windows just like fuck yeah, do that. Let's do it cool. Um, so that is the door gers so There are a picture they all have Mark Walberg or face I'm picturing they all have Mark Wahlberger face. Yeah, they all look like Mark Wahlberger. He's kind of a shit. He's got the mind.

He's got the mind. He's got the mind. Okay, so the doergers go. The guy down by the lever will try to crack you bed with his pick. Oh, thanks. And he misses. The other guy who fell off the shelf is going to get up from prone and he's going to try to crack moonshine and that is a

16 to hit no 17 AC I kiss my cloak And the other two guys that are up there with you hard one. What are they gonna do to you? Okay, both of these guys that are up on the shelf hop onto the platform with you, hard one. And the one guy goes under and he's going to press the switch to like open up the glass and the other guy's gonna take a swing at you. Oh, smart, good timing.

And he still misses. He swings down on you and you move out of the way. Maybe even move the cart a little bit. Oh yeah, I wanna Tokyo dripped in the air. Yeah, that's it. Spin the drill back around. I love whenever we have vehicles involved. We always roll really well with them.

It's a drill. That is you hard one. All right, yeah, I've just Tokyo dripped it. I'm gonna aim the drills back at the dude who just swung at me. Okay, do another, I'll say do another intelligence check with advantage to see if you do this little spin around. Cool.

Yeah, I'm like hitting the levers, hitting the gears. Yeah. Releasing some knots. You're drooling. You're drooling. You're drooling. 15. 15.

Okay, yeah, you're able to turn it. I'll say one of the drills can get out them, but the other ones like on the other side of the car. Got it. So I'm gonna try to drill this dude. Try to drill a dude. That's definitely gonna hit. That is a 26. 26, that hits. Yes, so do your 6D6 as you drill into this dude that's up there with you. Just hold things. Get that. 6D6 and I get... No.

Ake, can I get a little ASMR on that? Oh, beautiful. Akegillo ASMR on that. Oh, beautiful. All right, now count. I see more than one one. Oh my god, you get three ones. 15. 15 damage.

Yeah, you drill into the one guy's chest that you had already hit. And you just blow out his chest cavity and drill into it. Oh, fuck yeah. Like a fucking big daddy from BioShock. You just drill right into it. Can I throw my throwing axe at this other dude? Since the glass is open, I will allow that. Can I use my grade axe since the glass is open? Mm-hmm. No.

All right. Ah! You're gonna say, you need to go shating with the d- Yeah. Can you, what can you do for me, man? Can I have it, man? Is this the glass is open? No, but that is, that's a 20, 27.

27, that hits. Dope, that's a six, 11. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you throw an action to this dude who's trying to swing down on you. He's, you're doing awesome right now. Making up for that goat man pushing you over before. Yeah, old guy's not even here to see it,

cause he's collecting bev gold Turn the cart like halfway drill into this one dude and kill him as this dude swings down I knew you pull out another axe and you throw it at him and you hit him and you fuck him up but he's still alive and That is going to be bebs turn okay. I sure hope hard ones doing something cool You've got two doggers down there with you two doggers And moonshine yeah, fuck my young man. Yeah, I want to fuck him up. I want to I want to fill this doer. Great All right, so I'm going to fill what does that mean? What does that mean fill?

Don't don't worry about it. I throw a dictionary at him He's killed by irony. I'm gonna use what am I looking for? Opened up to the word I. I'll just straight up attack. He's just attacking. 15 plus 8. What is that? 20 minutes.

Alright, great. Hit this dorker. That's 15. 15 damage. Yeah, for my first attack, you fuck him right up. He's very hurt. If you hit again, you'll probably kill him. Here's a question. Has he, like, with this attack,

would he have like fallen to his knees or like stumbled a bit? No, he just looks upset and hurt. Okay, he's still trying to fight with you. Like it was a bad break up. Yeah. If you want to do some cool shit, though, I'll allow it. All right, here's the cool shit I want to try.

Yes. I want to acrobatics on top of him, or scramble up, or just kind of like acrobatics on top of him so that I can like kick him and then land onto the lever and drop it down. OK, do an acrobatics check, and we'll see how effective you are at doing that. All right, great. So 19.

19. Yeah. You jump up on top of this dude, reach over him, and pull down the lever. Hard one starts to descend. Now I'll let you make an attack roll. Alright, because you succeeded so well at the acrobatics to stomp on his head.

For my second attack, what I'm actually gonna do is chop the lever so it can't be raised again. Okay, so, so there we go. Ooh, I like it. Cool, so then instead of attacking this dude, you just chop the lever. Yeah, just allow that. Great, so. Ooh, I like it. Cool, so then instead of attacking this dude, you just chop the lever. Yeah, just allow that. Great, great, great.

You just, you break the lever. And then I, it starts to come. And then I blow him a kiss. Okay. What? I didn't see it. You're on my back. What's going on?

What is everyone doing? Did I know how to that look, Moonsha? It looked great, it looked great. I didn't really have a spores effect. I don't know if you were trying to. It's more for flare. Oh Oh, okay, then Flair it had. Okay, great, thank you. Plenty of that. That is Ol' Cobb's turn. You just hear gunshots outside.

That'll be Ol' Cobb. He's losing his mind. Both of his bolts are fine and a friend. I don't know if I'm getting that money back. And that is Fucker's turn. It was so dead. Headless. Moonshan, that is your turn. You've got one. All right. I'm going that money back. And that is fucker's turn, who is so dead.

Yeah. And headless. Moonshine, that is your turn. You've got one full, full doger, full on doger, and one very hurt doger that Bev just stepped on. And the lever has been severed. He has been broken. He has been severed.

He has been severed. He has been severed. He has been severed, levered. Then I'm gonna shift. I would like to spore as the guy that Bev is on the back of. Cruel. He's dead.

Finish him. Woo! I would like to finish him by saying, Bev, you take this one. Really? Yeah. Okay. So I get to do it now.

Yeah. It's me, all right. Cool for it. Um. Uh- get to do it now. Yeah, it's me. All right. I'm trying to think about to do it and I slip and drop my sword and it goes through his head. And then I was perfectly slices of fat right off like a knife through cheese. And then I'm like, that's what you meant. Yeah, yeah, that was my that was my deal. What's there? It had soft cheese, was my deal. That was my deal. Where it had. Soft cheese, by the way. Oh, really?

Not a Parmesan meal. We're talking Bree. Not like a sharp cheddar that would take a little work. No, not a carbon. No cheese. And then I'm going to turn to the guy, the other one who's still up. And I'm going to go after him.

Cool. I don't think this is going to happen though. Does a 10 hit? A 10 does not hit. I don't think this is gonna happen though. Does it tend hit? Attend is not hit. It doesn't. No, believe it or not. Huh. It's surprising.

Hi AC on these guys. Hi AC on these small giants. So the doggers turned the guy that just dodged Moon Shines attack defle. You see, he did a really cool combat roll. He did like a back flip. It was awesome. I it was all I can respect you actually honestly kind of refreshing to have a foe that I respect he's just doing hand springs and he swings at you and he rolls the one he does it in the airs that you respect it

the viral video of the dude does the back flip and just like it's a knock himself out he just does a back flip and lands on his head. Oh! Err and big. The other dorker is up there with hard one. Hard one, he's going to climb into the cart with you, opposed athletics check for you, as you guys wrestle over the controls.

Get out of mine with. Oh! 18. Okay, he makes strengths checks with advantage he lost he on the first one but let's see what happens on the second one oh shit he had a 17 oh yes you guys are just in there wrestling over the controls but you kind of you have his wrists

and are like pinning him cool You're not this is just dwarfed by bot son of a bitch Hard one it is it is actually your turn now hard one great Can I swing it with my sorry? Yeah, he's in the car with you. Yes. I'll try to double buckle with you, dude That is a natural 20 Shit he was already a little hurt. So yeah. So I just finished. So I just finished.

Do your damage and see how thoroughly you destroy him? OK, so I'm rolling 3D12s here. 20. Hard one, finish him. 3D plus 6 is 19. Of course. Can I still finish him? Yes.

No, now you have to take a math class. We're doing some bad count in the mountain. That's absolutely fair. I am going to put this guy in an arm lock and press the button and the glass roof come into the cabin. Hell yes! This roof coming to cap it. Oh, yes. The dome glass roof comes back and chops his head off. He screams the whole time. Nope, nope got a nat 20, can I request that his decapitated head falls on fuckers decapitated head? It smushes it further? Yeah, there's just heads everywhere. You see, the head falls down and rolls right next

to a fucker's head. And that doesn't look like fucker as a giant head. Yeah, yeah. That's what it looks like. Sure. Cool. That is Beverly's turn. Okay. We've got this one guy who just did a backflip and fucked up. I'm picturing him kind of like ass face, ass first towards me. He's in like yoga child pose. He's like getting up. He's getting up. He's gonna be still. I want to run towards him. He's going to take some moment to remember Shed. I want to run towards him and like both feet flying towards him? I want to run towards him and both feet flying kick into the air. Hit both his cheeks. All right, which is drop kick as I ask.

Cool, just do a regular. I'll let you do it with a regular weapons attack. 17. Is that it? 17 hits. Okay, great. Cool. Go ahead and do your damage.

And I will justify this. Oh, that's 15. 15 damage. And I will justify this. Ooh, that's 15 damage. You just flaming kick. You drop kick him in the ass. And he rams his head so hard into the metal shelving. He is so concussed. That is Old Cobb Stern. Old Cobb just walks in, dragging a bunch of gnomes,

and he yells out, I got your gold kid. And instead of throwing the pouch to you, he throws you a full gnome. That is not wild. But now is the money all in the gnome. Like, the gnome is like a little coin. Of all gnome pouch? No, you just hear his pants jingling.

He's got jingly jeans. That is... Fucker who's dead forever. Moonshine, you're up. You've got this very hurt bent over door. All right, I'm going after him. I'm gonna try to decap it, hey. Cool.

Really even from this concussed head. It's gonna be 19. That fits. I thought these guys would be like a little tougher. I guess because of the shenanigans like I can't get to you guys at all 13 he's dead killing yeah finish him all right I'm gonna to capitate him but real fucking slow Oh Jesus come on They all have very yes nice slogan to cap it's why I'm still a They all have very yes nice slogan to cap why I'm still a chill immortal

Why did you do to fuck her? Why did you do to fuck her? He denies what about fucker Oh god looks at you. That was that was fucked up you for old cop You know what a bunch of knows old cop. I don't know how you feel But my hospitality is wearing thin out in the real world. I don't like anyone in these caves except for those mushroom folks. They were nice. Yeah, they were great.

I love them. All right, so we got a blood back here, but now we also got a car. Yeah, so you guys see, hard one the land, he's driving this giant drill vehicle, and he's got a decapitated dwarf inside with his shotgun. Open up the roof, toss out the dwarf. Bev, let's go pick up your deck. Yeah.

Heck yeah. I jump in and buckle myself in in front of his lap. Hi, and that's where we're all in our session. Oh, wait, real quick, I'd like to take, I'd like to take soccer's corpse and mount it to the front. Oh, like they do. Like a hood or a bag.

I have toy story through it. Yeah, I really grew some grim hood order. Like something's going out with moonshine. I want to take a rope and tie up all the other gnomes and tie them on to the back. Oh, my God. They're the gnom killers. Fuck yeah. Let all those little tricky bastards know if they fuck with us. This is what happened

Yeah, you do not play tricks on the band of booze you got no sense of humor you guys all pile into this Patches may say we have no sense of humor this should take my humor patch up my clothes You guys pile into this nightmare drill car I'm gonna hit a humor patch up my clothes right now. You guys pile into this nightmare drill car. And that's where we'll end our session. Jesus, guys, look to 30 days. Blood bath. Absolutely blood bath.

Just a normal day, just a normal day. We're nice. We're underground. Guys, if you wanna listen to the after show, go to our NAD pod patreon, patreon.com slash nad pod. And that's patreon.com slash nad pod. Any DDOD? We know. Not yet. Patreon.com slash nad pod and that's patreon.com slash ndd pod We know not not yet

I of course now that it's the end of the episode we're gonna shout out our Benevolent Council of Elders Holy Kalei Thank you Namaste I'm a shrew Namaste Slash legendary patreon subscribers we shall now read their names and heap

Praise upon them by weaving tales of their glory let's start with Jake this time why don't we kick it off with Matthew W the dime of the mine hottest dude in iron deep Daniel D the dastardly dame who once kicked Denny in the nuts in middle school Wow and through a he who deadlifts more than Josh. John S. It is possible. John S. Open Mike opener for old Cobb. That's right. A real cut up. Why are you here than freaking old Cobb? No, he just opened.

Just opened for him. Cutter W. Mishka's first. Oh my goodness. Oh, that's great. Will L. Goatheurter. He who banished the goat man to Cragwater. wow. That's great. Will L. Goatherter, he who banished the goat man to Cragwater. Yeah, that's crazy.

And Parker E. speaking of Cragwater, this dude swan dove into the abyss and he lived to tell the tale. Wow, I'm on piggyback off that to sing the praises of, first we got Jeffery S. Jeffery S. known to have a tighter rear than Shay herself.

Whoa, whoa. Yeah. She does a lot of yoga. She does a lot of yoga and Jeffery S. As a tighter rear. That midthral booty. It's that midthral booty. Daniel F. forged the amulet of theala in an active volcano.

What? While it was erupting. That's true. You have to do it. In Sancia. Spencer T. The best bar back at the Blue Manna Inn. Oh, better than Red. No bar back, not even a bar, not a bartender. Okay, elemental bar with the sliders. Yeah, works together with Red. A good team.

Uh-huh. Taylor B. Taught the goat men compassion. Kind of like a mother Teresa for the goat men. This is after we killed them. This is after, yeah. The remnants, many years in the future, the goat men are the prevailing race. Cockroach is survived. Andrew M. mined the last drop of mithril from Cragwater. And. So like he.

And those dorgers are still going for some more. Yeah, and he had this sense to be like, cool, it's dry, move on. I'm out. Yeah. Let's build a castle here. Manual P, sold rusty old Betsy. Oh, wow.

Oh. Kindest fiddle maker in all. Mated custom. Yeah, made it custom. Pedro E is a blue bioluminescent mushroom man. No shit. Yeah. Wow.

Can you believe it? I didn't. I mean, I can. I do now. Shoebirds twin. Shoebirds twin brother, fraternal. I'm sure they actually do look kinda different. Yeah, but you can tell.

There's a family that's that one. Picture them doing a little dance right now. It's very cute. Yeah I got some names. Let's hear we got James B Wonderful person invented the weather orbs that govern the skies of Galator on huge way We've been trying to make that shit dang castle Inhabitable Hard to hack. I'll tell you what Kim H. A groove of vomit berries used by Uku the Goliath and those almost killed you.

A green thumb for a green result. Original recipe from Kim H. there. Daniel U. Tot Lutint, Bricker, how to braid her mustache. Mmm. Yes. Daniel U. Come over to my house and teach me the same. I think that like Bricker probably goes to his salon. I'm thinking here. Henry A.J. used to date Theala. Wow. Yeah. She's quite religious too. So she does not have a lot of lovers.

Yeah, I think it was probably like a very, very lengthy courtship. Yeah, awesome. Sure. Six inches for Jesus. Six feet. Six feet of purple. They have little arm extenders like selfie sticks.

Jordan DJ was king of the bully walk prom despite being human. Oh, how is teeth? Oh, God. That's how he became the king. That's it. Like they modeled their teeth after him. Yeah. He's on the totem dentistry.

He brought him his aligned to Moonstone. That's what it was. They didn't have races before then. Xavier C. An actor in the Boy King of Glaterons favorite play, The Fort of the Night. And the classic it was. I got Simon W. here who is more straight-edge and better at karate than skull is himself. Whoa Nice. I'm an idiot like 12 x is on that neck. Yeah 12 x is he is super not had a beer Griffin S taught the legendary horse bow jangles had to ride other horses horse horse trainer for the ages Thank you Griffin you mother fucker. I literally had that for some time

Ah! You mother fucker. I had that for Timothy AL. Toppo Jangles how to write a horse. Leave it in that's cute. Villain B got into a bar fight with Gresh and knocked his teeth out. That's how Gresh came up with the crack tooth clan. Back story. Back story y'all Little peek behind the screen. Cannon you idiots. And we got Tom P who wants to feed a thiola in a heel off. Whoa. Incredibly popular in the cleric community. It's a big event. The heel off.

Timothy A founded the Dwarvenage. A prideful. You son of a bitch. A powerful but compassionate Dwarven King. It's really fallen down since then. That is not what you left it QC once helped red and Elias Stormborn last so a fire giant aboard the SS Stormborn good with Alasso even better with a joke a great friend Old cow level QC good name then I got Andrew D who is the only pebble-bottom family member that isn't Craven

Whoa, he really goes to the family reunions because he's too busy slang dragons and an attempt to save his family name Wow, I mean that's gonna be a lot it's a lot of work to do Andrew Honestly, just change your name just change your last year You know what it would be easier, but a know, here are like that. Guys, we are placing our merch order. So if you are one of Mishka's angels on our Patreon, you can expect an email from me. Number one, finding out the size of your t-shirt. But number two, if you are not a merch club member yet, you still have time because it's going to take me a couple days to do this.

So sign up now, I'll email you, get your shirt, and then you can be on the hook to get a... The bullywug. The bullywug king shirt. Yeah. The bullywug, the Patreon exclusive shirt. It's the family crest. All bullywugs know it, all bullywugs respect it. It's so fucking good and I cannot wait to wear it

and just have people at Trader Joe's be like, what does your shirt say? I was from Dirt with T-Thon, it's from my podcast that I do. People pay money for this, in fact. That's how I'm paying for these groceries. Yes, I did buy 12 avocados. That's not your place to judge.

I'm making guacamole later. And that's, but this is only the first installment. There's gonna be, we're gonna do it quarterly. We're gonna give you little surprises. So, son of a- We've got lots of fun. Yeah, this one is a Bullywug family crest featuring the Bullywug king and it says

family tradition dentistry. He got it. He got it signed by a Caldwell Tanner. And- Truly beautiful. We're also gonna be sending out a limited print of the fireside design that I posted about and that's gonna be signed by all of us.

So like get on board, join the angels, they're riding out. By sign by all of us, Moon Shine is gonna have to have pop-off sign for her. Absolutely, just a miserable scribble. Can't wait. Yeah, guys, by me an Emily's book. It's called, Hey, you up.

Hey, you up. How to turn your booty call into your emergency contact. A hysterical relationship advice book. It is available on Amazon and Audible. If you want to listen to books, watch Drawfee with Caldwell and Nathan Yefee. Listen if I were you with Jake and Amir. Hey, yeah.

And seriously, like, subscribe to the Patreon. Yeah. There's a lot of good shit there. Yeah, we're having a lot of fun already. We've been brainstorming. There's some good shit coming down the pipe right now. Absolutely. Yeah.

And we appreciate the shit out of our Patreon supporters. Thank you. Cool, guys. Follow us on Twitter at CHMurfusme, at Jake Herwitz's Jake, atiacstheridacemily, at Call Thee is called well. If you want to send us stuff, where are they sent it, Caldwell? 1920, Hillhurst Avenue, number 222, Los Feliz, California, 9-0-0-27. Oh my god, just stuff that PO box.

I love it. Just send us all the brown leaves. Like getting fun stuff. Yeah. Alright guys, we're going to go record the short rest, which is available right now, until then. Non-Patrion. Join the Patreon, patreon.com slash. That's definitely house pronounced.

N-A-D-D-P-O-D. We are, we are youth of the nation. We are, we are youth of the nation. Goodbye, fucker. That was a hate gun podcast. We are, we are, we are, we are, youth of the nation. Goodbye, fucker. That was a hate gun podcast.