Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 21: What's Amiss (Tales From the Crick)

Episode Date: June 29, 2018

The Band of Boobs FINALLY enjoy a moment of rest and get some answers from Ulfgar about what went down in Hell. Ol' Cobb weaves a tale of his past adventures, Beverly goes from Green Teen to Green Man, Hardwon becomes a real captain, and Moonshine prepares for the storm ahead. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects include:"Woodpecker and Other Birds" by Kyster at Freesound.org."The Gunslinger's Girl" by Emily Axford."The Mithril's Run Dry" by Emily Axford."The Ruins of Cragwater" by Emily Axford."Betrayal Below" by Emily Axford."Sumpin's a Mess Out West" by Emily Axford."Friend Turned Foe" by Emily Axford."A Sign From Melora" by Emily Axford."Bev's First Kiss" by Emily Axford."The Twinkling Lights of Galaderon" by Emily Axford."Forsaken" by Emily Axford."The Valiant Ol' Cobb" by Emily Axford."Apotheosis" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Oh, Whom You Are. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Hurwitz. Hard one sure foot. Emily Axford. You're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, you're a dumb, dumb, you're a dumb, dumb a toe goal the fifth. Wow. He is on another plane of existence. But he's alive. Business trip. So let's do a little recap. Last week was a big one. The last episode of the Glateron Civil War, unless you guys turn around and decide to get involved again.

No, no, we're gonna keep the allotors over our heads. The green exergons, your allies are gone. I think war accomplished. So last episode began with moonshine and Beverly narrowly escaping as Beav's house was blown to bits by a chosen airship. Meanwhile, hard one and old Cobb rounded up a platoon and joined them on the field of battle. My night.

I'm going to round it up a platoon and love them to their death. We'll get there. The party reunited was handily defeating the chosen crew until a chosen night appeared, commanding a mysterious hooded dwarf who was revealed to be the legendary Ophgar. The mind- The mind-controlled,

crick-rotted, Ophgar quickly cut through your white-night allies in one round. And things were looking grim until moonshine, misty-stepped behind the chosen night, and stole the amulet that he was using to control Ulfgar. Ulfgar still in a bloodlust charged at moonshine, but she showed him unending hospitality. I showed him blood love. Oh. She showed him unending hospitality by refusing to fight him. You guys all laid down your weapons and he finally tossed his axe away and stopped fighting

you. You guys all hopped on the airship with your crew of friendly but useless NPCs and tow. And we're making your getaway when suddenly the yalla appeared in the air in full god mode sprouting wings and everything. How many wings did you have? Just the two. Cool. There might be a little tiny third baby wing, but you couldn't see from that far away. sprouting wings and everything. How many wings did you have? Just the two. There might be a little tiny third baby wing,

but you couldn't see from that far away. You don't know. Confirmed two big wings. As the Allah lowered herself towards the church district to destroy the false idols, you guys used the scrying sword, Rosaline, to spy on the green nights. You saw that Bev's dad and the rest of the green nights were locked up in the Church of

Polar and using a ritual to attempt to escape to the Fey Wild. Bev led you all in a ritual to aid them, and with the help of Hardwon, Moonshine and a smooch from Irland, the ritual was successful, and you guys saw the green nights escape to the plane of the Ferry folk, baby. Who's headlining? Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining.

Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining.

Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining.

Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's headlining. Oh, he's Gold, Irlin, Nanna Kindly. Yeah, Nanna Kindly. Everyone loves her for no reason. She doesn't do anything. She's so stassy. We thought she meets a little cub. We've got a Gwayne and Old Cobb on deck with you while Ulfgar is doing God knows what below deck he ran down there as soon as Theala showed herself.

Our heroes, the band of boobs, are all level six now. Woo! That they're in a more relaxed state and not in the middle of a war, so congrats to the boobs. Thank you. You guys are on an airship. The boobs are getting bigger.

The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger.

The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. The boobs are getting bigger. your sending stone starts vibrating. Oh shit. Oh, red. Hold up, I'm blowing up everybody. Go for red. Yellow. Hey kid, are you still alive? Uncle red, how the hell are you? I'm glad to hear your voice. I was expecting you to do some kind of daring rescue.

And here I am, one of the very few ships left in lower gala later on here. Well hey, let's get the fuck out of Dodge Red. We are, can I give him the coordinates of where we are? Yeah, we are blank Yes, we are two and a half clicks north of Glateron Yeah, cool kid. I'm just gonna fly south and I'll fucking find you in the air perfect Hi, Reds don't don't crash it. It's a hand of the weird kid. Yeah, you got it. You taught me well red. I give the wheel a spin Here we go down

I throw up Nana take the wheel Such fresh children Get over here. I like to make you dinner on a elbow old cob and not in Nana's general direction. What do you, what do you apply in there, Horde-Warm? I just think she's a spring chicken to you, Cobb. I'm over with Nana, like getting her dressed up to try and get Cobb's attention. That pretty young thing.

You see, all Cobb just does like a thousand yards stare looking out into the air, pencively, and he goes, only one woman I've ever loved, and then he walks over by himself. Uh, Shove into Mochai. I think I, I think I pissled Cobb off.

Listen, okay, what if we get a big play to Spaghetti, and we take them on a date, and we've liked some candles, I think it could work. That's it. I was just gonna dress Nana up real slutty. You should dress her up real slutty. Let's, uh, you guys here, Ulfgaard just wrecking shit down.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm just gonna lock the door down there. Yeah, okay. Put it down there. Cool, so you lock the door like going below deck. Just for now, so we can't run up.

Do we want to? You're just chairs being thrown, beds being broken. Huh. Do we want to try to talk to him tonight or do we want him to kind of sleep this off? I think we should let him give him some time to cool off, but we also might want to restrain him. I can cast hold person on him.

That means he's probably way too strong for it. Yeah, I'm sure that my first level spell is really gonna. We should try and communicate with him. Maybe he willingly be restrained. He seems like he's not enjoying what's happening to him. All right, yeah, let's talk to Ulfgar. Monday in question, but what time of day is it? Oh yeah, it's still the afternoon.

I wanna handle this all before sunset because I'm thinking about like a nice dusk time date for old cop and not. Yeah, absolutely. We can find like a nice lake for them to set up by. Yeah. Well, I want Tiki Torch's lit. Yeah. I mean, I did put a lot of makeup on her and it is melting in the midday. It's all ready. It's cake done. Okay, so maybe we maybe let's hold our ear up to the door into where, where Ulf Garry is. Do we all line up next to each other and hold our ears up?

Yeah. Yeah, Papa, Cards of I'm your shoulder from my chin, Ramm. You can just hear it do it. You guys hear downstairs, just him pounding while. Huff, huff, huff, huff, huff, huff, huff, huff. All right, Ulf Garry epic sush down oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I will destroy every Capri Sun. I will consume blood in little metal packs that look like Capri Suns.

So maybe like, I don't know, a Gatorade or something? We got a little raspberry Gatorade. That looks like blood. Do we have any? Okay, yeah. I crush up some berries that I have. We don't want them to see, but we don't want them to actually see blood.

Yeah, I was wondering, do we need to keep them away from blood? Would this be like true blood for a vampire would it like maybe quell him a bit while giving him like the Satiating the bloodlust while also giving him some nice electrolytes. Oh, I don't have an answer for this I don't have an answer for what's that? Don't have to get rid of it. You give off card game I'm crushing up cranberries and tree sap Oblug berries and tree sap. Blackberries and tree sap. And with a little hint of crick water.

Yeah, just to like cool down. I guess this is in your like herbalism kit. I guess I will allow this fuckery. Bobberries, some sweet tree sap. You got gators at the crick? Yeah, that's gatorade, y'all. Can we give them like a little bit of a sedative? Like, if you know like giving a dog benedrill or something.

Yeah, down at the crick is when a gator helps you. Yeah. But it does piss in your drink. Yeah. Yeah, is there anything in my herbalism kit that's like kind of like zen him out, you know, a little bit of refraud? I would let you like enchant a drink or something.

If you have a spell, but I'm not just going to let you pull some poison drink. We're about the animal friendship. He's pretty uh. I don't think that's what you would. Charm person. Charm person. Okay.

I guess I'll then I'll push up my berries, my bog berries, uh, squirt out my tree sap and then cast charm person on it. Okay. I guess do you can do a medicine check or an arcana check to try to make some kind of concoction to try to I'm going to say if This is successful. It's not going to do the full charm person effect on off-guard But it might get him to maybe not you know mellow out. Okay, I got 12 a 12 Okay, very blast cool. I guess I've got like some kind of like skin You know that you like drink out of.

Sure, like a little wine skin. Yeah, I think I'm just gonna open the door, throw it in and then close it. Drink up, buddy. How about it? Okay, what does someone have to do for charm person? It feels so good to not be on the verge of death. I know.

Yeah, as soon as somebody's not trying to kill you guys, you're immediately up to sheenat again. It's all the moves. Do it. It is a wisdom saving throw. All right, so if this does indeed quote unquote charm off guard, it'll just calm him down. It won't let you like command him. I know, I'm not trying to command him.

You're not trying to command him. We're not gonna thay all his ass. Right. You guys, so you got a 12 on your medicine check. You got 12. Okay, so you hear you hear a sudden break in him pounding the wall and screaming and you hear just a little bit of what's this? What the fuck is this? What is this little thing? Okay, he failed big time. So you hear him sipping this drink down there, this charmed juice that you made him. I can just hear it's getting all over his beard. You hear him slurrreciously drinking it. My lecture lights. Can you hear him? Horatiously drinking. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- We're gonna come inside. Yeah, yeah. I want to see what you done with the place. Is that okay with you?

Suddenly the door creaks open Like a kid who was mad at his parents And Ulfgar looks at you guys and he goes still really freaking best off I get it anyone want to arm wrestle, I want to break one of your arms. I think don't guys, because if you heard him,

it would undo the charm. You see a big black scab oozes off of his face, and there's just, it's super booger-y. Tell you what, we're gonna arm wrestle in a little bit, but I'm so excited about that. Yes, cool. So Ulfgar, we just wanted to talk to you and find out more about the all of because we do not like what you do. Yeah, we do too. Fuck that bitch. Yeah. She sucks. She sucks. She sucks. She sucks.

I'm gonna say hello. I am, I start massaging his shoulders. Oh, alright. Yeah, you're real tense. She's got a big knock back there. It wasn't relaxed in a really long time. You see, he ravenously drinks more cricket or anything. Let's work on that. Oh, you got some burls in here.

Papa goes to town on his feet. He's doing a little fucking massage. No, he's doing a little fucking massage. Damn, I thought he was like, he's like, he's doing a little fucking sash. Damn, right there. He was like, he's trying to get Ulfgar to take his shoes off. Ulfgar is like lightly kicking him away. Papa keeps flipping upside down and scampering back. You know what always relaxes me is combing my beard.

I'm gonna undo his braids and just sort of comb his comb out his beard. Okay. Guys, go ahead and give me persuasion checks. 13. I got 13 as well. Okay. We're gonna fun.

You got to five. Okay. You do such a bad job braiding. I'm gonna roast you now. When you're brushing it, you're like getting knots and it's hurting him. Yeah, you hit a knot in his extremely knotty beard. And he grabs your face hard one.

And starts squeezing it. What do you do? It's just that nobody's got your beard in a long time. Let me, I'll get the knot out with my fingers. It'll be much more gentle. He grabs your head and slams it. Oh. It's an honor to meet you.

He gives seven damage. Oh. Oh. Oh. It drives me. It's going to to meet you for seven days It's gonna be worth it when the knots out, but I'll get him out myself. He just starts yanking Leave the beard leave the beard okay, okay, oh, oh, yeah, let's see more right He you know, he's got a hard touch. It's okay, it's in his name. Um, so, Ulfgar. He said that other guy came in so hard. Yeah.

This is not, this is my beard is notty. It was killing me, Ulfgar is my idol. This dude sucks. This dude sucks. He's eating us in the end. Let it be known, Ulfgar thinks it's dude sucks. This possum is fine. This dude sucks.

Oh, worst fucking nightmare. Off-guard, you like music? I'd like to sound of picks hitting the mountain as we mine the ore from the mountain. Hey, that sounds like a wood block. Same, that's one of my favorite songs. Here, I've got the song of Iron Deep. Ready to go. And I played on the woodblock

Okay, give me a performance I'll give you it with advantage because you definitely know what a song from Iron Deep cool Which is definitely very simple a dwarven song 13. Yeah 13. I will give you a d6 of inspiration if you Make a drumbeat and you sing a little Iron Deep song Do you need a to do the beat? Yeah. I hoe, I hoe.

It's in the mind we go. I hoe, I hoe. We go down below. I hoe, I hoe. It's in the mind we go. I hoe, I hoe. We go down below. I hoe, I hoe, we go down below. I hoe, I hoe.

You see, Offgard just a giant gooey tear of that energy. He's been a long time since I've heard the song of Iron-D. Brother, and he puts his arm, he puts his hand on your shoulder and he squeezes his way too hard for, for sings to it. I'm down. Well, of course, I was doing all that. Papa used the opportunity while he was distracted to work on his cuticles. So now the cuticles on his toes are like, all nice. I'll just feeling on the lower back. How does that feel?

Okay, I'll keep doing that. Alright. Okay, Ulfgard. Yes. We're trying to find out what happened. What do you remember? What can you share with us? Just in general or to me?

To you. To me. I care about you. I want to hear your story. You mean like this shit and he he just picks off another scab and holds it out of you. Oh Laura I read it in a towel Yes, let's let's see that

Okay, y'all I'll put it over here Let's start there. What When did that start happening? And do you know where you got it from? Yeah, that's one of the few things I do remember. It's a little something that I picked up from the Nine Hells. Goodness. You know, you need a souvenir when you travel. You want to get a souvenir.

All nine of the hells are which one specifically? It was probably around hell eight. Okay, all that's near the end. Yes, there was this demon woman. What was her name? She was. One of us modious generals. I didn't.

Catch her name. We didn't talk. Did you kill her? I didn't kill her. And that's not a reflection on me Hell no, we had a lot to do that day. We had to fight the devil. Yeah big big to do this Sure, yeah huge day. A lot on your docket for sure injured her greatly, but she got away But not before she shot me with something, and it wasn't bad at first,

but then the shit just grew all over me, she had, and he looks at you, Moonshine, and he goes, she had, yeah, she had mushrooms in her hair, and you see he grabs your hair. Oh, okay, I think we are all braining each grabs your hair. Oh! Okay, I think we are all braiding each other's hair. I've dressed you, I've dressed you. You see he regains his composure and he pulls back.

And he goes, she got away. And slowly, throughout the months, throughout the years I've gained this appetite for violence, more so than usual. And it's just spread throughout my body. And then at what point did the Allah begin to employ your weaknesses to her benefit. The Ola wanted to clean up the world. I was in a weakened state, and she had great influence of me. I'm not exactly doing good on wisdom saving throws these days.

You know who is in these days? Who is? It's her. It's her not there. This distracting times have you visited a cleric or a dermatologist? Just the all and apparently she doesn't have the best of intentions. No, okay. Yeah. Oh, so the all I told you all I can keep this under control for you and then then... I don't remember. She's simultaneously really nice

and really mean in my head. Okay. Is there a clerk on this ship right now that could like even arrest the Quick Rod and Himal. Well, Irland just started in. Irland made... Irland made... Did level up to level two.

Hey. He's now level one, Claire. If you want to risk Erlin and Ulfgar. No, I don't think we do. Erlin's still in training. I don't want to. This is a high level challenge. Yeah, we'll get him some bird to practice on.

You see he looks at you guys and he keeps kind of like shuddering and he goes I'm not safe to be around I'm not a good guy ever at I'm talking about you're cool Yeah, all about their ship We think you're awesome? I appreciate that. What's your name, Zondie? What does Anna and your shoulder again? And just really pinches in.

Do you want us to take you somewhere safe? What do you want? We're here to help you. Off-guard True Axe, greatest warrior in all the land, somewhere for me to be safe. You're not safe around me. I'm safe everywhere Awesome No funny You're your mom upstairs go. There's everything okay in my money. I

Did I did bring some Ritz bits in case anyone got hungry. Hold on! Hold on! Alright, go back up. I've got a Werther. I turned it. Let him know the wrappers, the outside's not that good, but once you get through that, it's tasty. Leave the Ritzpitz out the door! Can I ask you what happened to Alonus? You see he gives this long stare and I'm gonna give him just an intelligence check.

Kind of try to remember here and believe it I remember, we went in there, and we were all, we were all on the same side, and we came out, and we were still, friends, but in the, in the days after there were arguments and

a lot of sump the all, they didn't agree, they didn't agree with what we should do next and they would get into the screaming fights. And there was one point where there was a big fight. And, and the all that did something to me and I, I don't, I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened, but me and the y'all we fought a lot of us. Well shit. I don't know the outcome. I just I blacked out. I blacked out a lot. That's okay if it's or not. Yeah. That's okay. I run over and get the Ritz bits and I kind of like feed one into his mouth. He bites your hands. Oh boy.

Six damage. Thank you. No, no problem. So kind of you. Papa's putting a nice opalescent pearl on his toes, painting it on. Luckily, Papa's used to getting kicked. a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of as modius earlier. Oh well I just wanted to make sure that they you know because we've heard that they've they killed osmodius so I was curious to find out if they did in fact or if osmodius just became the all or some you know if there

was some shenanigans like that. Let me do another role for Elfgar. He does a little bit better on this one. And he goes, we, we, we killed us, modious, but something else happened. It was, how, there was another devil. All right. The mushroom woman are a different all-new creature. No, she got, the Necromancer. It'll sit. You guys know the legendary Necromancer who first opened the portal and kind of started

this whole mess. His name is ill said. And in all of the stories and everything, you guys never really knew what happened to ill said. of the stories and everything, you guys never really knew what happened at IlSet. And Ulf Gargo's we worked with him, we worked with that son of a bitch that evil monster started at all and he starts again just punching the walls and he Fist through the wall you can see the room You can see a bunk like you were in before a hard one all right full on in the other one is anyone in there?

no one's in there well fix that later and Ulfgar He comes down and he goes, I can't remember exactly what happened, but at the last moment, Il said, betrayed us, Modius, so that he could take his crown and take his place in hell. And we didn't have the strength to fight him too

We had to run and we we lied about it. We covered it up. Oh my gosh We didn't kill the devil we replaced And he screams again and he and he screams again. And he marches upstairs. He pushes past you hard one and he runs up to the wall. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, of course juice you guys see All Cobb is kind of the only other fighter along with a Gwayne amongst you guys and a Gwayne She kind of pushes back Nanakind leaf and Irlin and stuff and just Makes like a human shield in front of them and Mama toe gold and all Cobb. I know I shout out to all Cobb

I say don't shoot him. He's drinking Mama's juice. I shout out to old Cobb and I say, don't shoot him. He's drinking Mama's juice. Why? I ain't shooting him. You gotta calm down there, buddy. You don't wanna come near anyone or hurt anyone. And you see, Ulfgar is just up on this deck. His hands are in fists and he's just shaking there.

And you see he walks closer and closer to the edge of the ship. Hey, don't do anything dumb, Ophgarr. Ophgarr, life is worth living in life. That's a good thing. You can start over. We don't care what happened in the past. The future is a present.

We're here for you. We have Ritz Bits and also new Ritz Bits with peanut butter. We have Ritz Bits and also new Ritz Bits with peanut butter. Ulfgar looks down and he says, We betrayed our values. We betrayed our codes and we betrayed the people of this realm. Someday, I will help you redeem my name, but I can't do it like this. And he looks up at you guys and he goes, find a cure and find me and he just steps off

the airship. No! I cast Nature's Wrath. I think we let him, I'm gonna put my hand on your shoulder. Oh say He'll he'll live. This is what this is what he wants. All right, the vines retract Can I I want to cast gust of wind which is normally like an offensive spell But I want to cast it just to give him us a soft fall Okay, he is toss the skin of wine over So you guys are up very high like thousands of feet high you guys are over water right now because you've flown south of

Galator on so he's still gonna hit He's still gonna hit the water like a ton of fucking bricks. Luckily, he is damn near a god So you would hope that he would maybe survive Moon shine I will allow you to, so it shoots, you just wanna shoot him out like, bare allow. No, I wanna take a gust of wind and almost have it go under him, helping him giving him a slower.

A tiny little slow. A slower descent. Yeah, I got a slide. Like an emergency landing on an airplane. Okay, that's absolutely not how this spell works, but I'll let you do a wisdom or an arcana check And with like a wild success. I'll let you help a teeny bed. This is more for the gatorade as opposed to Ulfgar. Shout out to the two.

Oh, okay. So Ulfgar steps over. Bev goes to shoot Vines Adam. Hard one stops him. No kid, this is what he wants. Moonshine dives over the edge, summons the power of Melora to give him a little wind under him to make his fall less severe. He starts to fall dramatically. There's this little like fart of wind that gusts him, it just makes his whole smelly he's he starts to yell this epic thing and he goes don't worry a fall will never kill off guard true axe and suddenly yeah this little gust of wind just like noxious over to go then just long fall of him screaming

Hi ho hi ho Oh This see you go you guys look down into the water and you see Just a little door splash I think I helped yeah, yeah, I think I helped I'll be okay holy shit. What did you got say to him a lot of stuff? He did a lot more talking than we did. Yeah, we did a lot more pamper and yeah, so God we gotta we gotta circle up Let's let's talk to Cobb and it way and I guess Cobb we got some Anna kind leave we got some hot you got a consult with the elders. Yeah

Are we are we circling everybody? Let's go to the wagon I'm already super best. I was loving explanation. Is that man gonna be okay? He's gonna be fine. Okay. He seemed very strong But I mean he fell several thousand feet. I mean you broke your little legs falling several hundred feet Yeah, yeah, I'm worried about his legs, but he's a little stronger than I am, I think. Yeah, he's got thick walking sticks. Yeah, he's a stout, sturdy man. Yeah, he's got some tree trunks. I've just got these little twiggy. That dude doesn't even have to talk to do a cannonball. Okay, can we just decompress about what we just learned from Old Car? It was a lot. Yeah, well first things first seems like the the headline here is that

there is a devil. There is a devil. There is a devil. A man brother there's always a devil. The drink and he just takes a sip of cream. No I'll have a little bit of that too but that is not what I met up. It's real. The devil is real and he's better than the old devil. Yeah, you know I think about ill said ill said the Famous necromancer yeah open the gate to hell. Yeah Was famously killed along with osmodeus so that all evil was smoked and the realm was saved. Yeah Okay, so so you were so right for so long and then you were wrong.

Il said actually kind of took over the spot of devil. Yeah, he's going to kind of become famously unkilled. Yeah. Oh, that's a tough drink to swallow. Oh, I think it's a tough one. And you drink crack water so you know what stuff does well another thing is Cobb You know anything about a demon and from the eighth circle a hell that has mushrooms in her hair You say that and

Old Cobb does this crazy double take. I mean, it couldn't be. And he gives a thousand yard stair, a pensive stair. I put my face to interrupt his thousand yard stair. I'm sorry, Moonshano's doing something. Guys, just quick aside, just us three. Yeah.

Earlier, I mentioned, hookin' Cobb up with Nana here. I know, that's why Nana's wearing so much makeup right now. Oh yeah, she looks fucking hot, by the way. But he said his heart belonged to one woman and then he gave almost that exact same stare that he just did when we mentioned this shudaman.

I tell Erlin to stop making spaghetti then. No. He should still make this spaghetti. Okay, still make this spaghetti. I don't have to, I could just leave the pot boiling. What? Are you gonna put the noodles in after? Did he even see Erlin?

I love with the pasta. Cool. That's cool. Alright, I'll be back guys. And practice your cleric shit because that's gonna come in handy. I think I learned a spell. Can we see it? Yeah, would you learn?

Sure, he cares when's on you. Oh, sick. Yeah, my shoulder was fucking destroyed. Oh, you fixed my thingy. He is a 6HB hard one. You're awesome, Irland. Who do you think the pasta I. Just a little bit crispy. A wrap yada sauce.

Oh, the cab is also walking suspiciously near the edge of the shade. Oh, cab, cab. Oh, I'm so hurry. I just wanted to get super pensive. I was in, I know that you're lost in thought, but you know, we've been friends for so long. Let me in.

I pass them the crick water. I take out, I take out out folding Adirondack chairs so that we can look over that horizon. Okay, everybody sits in folding Adirondack chairs. Is it like, is the sun setting soon? Yeah, we'll fast forward. We'll say all that off-guard stuff that you guys really talked to him for like four hours.

It's taken Uncle Red forever to get here. He had a ton of air traffic on the way. So many eagles in the way. You guys are all sitting in your Adurondak chairs, watching the sunset, Ol' Cobb is looking out at the sky. And he says, Moonshan, you ever, you ever hear You ever hear...

The young and talk about... She who has no hospitality... Down at the creek. Oh, yeah, I mean, I talked about her myself. I thought it was kind of a joke. She's like a little nursery rhyme. She who has no hospitality... She who has no...

Don't call me anywhere near me. He oldbs crying. Oh no. If it's a joke it's just about the least funny joke I've ever heard. Oh my gosh. And I heard a rather joke. Gosh, God knows funny. He keeps it light.

I know funny. I keep it real life. But right now I gotta take it down a few notches. You all day. I feel so bad. We used to play this by the crick. You know someone gets someone becomes she who has no hospitality and then no one sits near I'm gonna take it down a few notches, y'all. I feel so bad. We used to play this by the crick. You know, someone becomes you who has no hospitality

and then no one sits near them for the day. Fucked up. It is, I wish I knew that you kids were doing that. I would have put you in the timeout sack. Yeah. Yeah. Kids can be mean. We had a time out sack at the orphanage. Hey, you know, it's not so different,

ourselves and the whorfs. Anyway, Moon Shion, you got an auntie. Nobody ever told you about. What? Her name was Maribel, Joline's little sister. And he goes, moon shan, maybe you can help me with this. Maybe I can show y'all this in a better way. Maybe this will make me a better storyteller.

And you see, Ol' Cobb takes a big huff, a crick water, like ritual style, wanting to do some kind of like ayahuasca with you guys, so you can all have like a flashback. And he passes it down the line, if that's the deal, don't mind if I brew. I'm in. Why can I have some?

She's already like, pupils dilate. Oh yeah, honey, I'm in another world. Okay, my mom said it was cool. I ignore the advice that you got an airplane to help yourself before you help your, um, children and I do pop-off first and then myself. Oh, yeah. You see pop-off's eyes dilate. Oh, wow.

Um, moonshine, go ahead and give me just like a raw wisdom thing. Ooh, 22. Oh. Shout out to the two crew. Hell yeah. Go ahead and give me just like a raw wisdom thing Ooh 22 oh Oh, yeah, who be who to crew crew you guys are all? Trip and balls as old Cobb tells you story. It is nice to be back I thought our cane was good Moonshine is you knowshine is transferring her transferring her transferring her transferring. To you guys, so you guys are all in this kind of shared bubble as she's kind of projecting

these images. Can I be like burning man who will be hooping too as I do it? Yeah, Moonshine is in the background of all these flashbacks who will be hooping it's super and appropriate. It's fine, it is. So you hear Old Cobb, like I was saying, her name was Meribel, and suddenly his voice kind of fades away, and you see an image of young Cobb

with long blonde hair, handsome still has two eyes, abs, he's not shirtless, but you can assume abs, he's got a tight shirt on, he keeps it so tight, so strapping, slim fit. He's got a blunder bus that sparkles with magic energy. He used to have a magic gun back in the day. And he's flanked by the two sisters. Munchine you instantly recognize Jolene. So there's Jolene and Maribel.

Jolene has freckles and dark red hair with a streak of blonde in it, but otherwise looks very similar to moonshine. She wears a green cloak and carries a shield and a shalele. She has a fat possum and a little baby Bjorn, like bigger than pop-off. This is... This is...

Plop-yug-pops. This is Mama Gump. Is Mama Gump pregnant with pop-off? No, not right. Oh, okay. This is like 200 years ago So Maribel has jet black hair and paler skin, but also has the siren family freckles. She carries a giant gnarled staff So you see them Rush into battle against a crew of bullywugs. You see that these bullywugs are having an evil potluck.

It's like very reminiscent of your guys' adventures. They're having an evil potluck. They've got a dude tied to a table to sacrifice them. You see Jolene calls lightning and blows a bunch of them up. You see Cobb shoots his blunderbuss and a magic net wraps around a few of them. Then Maribel turns into a fungal queen, wraps around a few of them, then Maribel turns into a fungal queen, but like a way more fucked up one than moonshine. She's got four arms with big tentacle-like pseudopods that shoot down the bullywugs throats

and fill them with spores. Oh my god! This was our family reunion! Can I just say symbiotic entity goals? And you hear Olcobs voice in your head go, we were all wild in our younger days, but Maribel was something special. You see immediately after the dust has settled, Maribel reverts to her elf form and pounces on Olcobs kissing him.

They just start rolling around in this field and meanwhile, Joeline starts collecting bully-wag legs to make a jambalaya. She's starting to fire and making a jambalaya. Can I roll for horniness? Yeah, sure. Go ahead, roll for horniness. You're seeing some heavy petting right now. This is like the one time I'm not horny

because I'm related to Maribou. Yeah, it's a for for me. Sorry. I'm so for for you. I'm not a forny because I'm related to Maribal. Yeah, it's a for for me. Sorry. It's a for for you. I'm not a forny. I'm just in dear to tell. Bev, in this current state, you're not turned on by the heavy petting. Wow.

You like wish it would go a little further, but it's just heavy petting for now. I'm frustrated. So, Olkov continues. He goes, she was stronger than all of us, and when the time came to name a new me-mole, she thought it should be her. But the old folk circle thought it should be Joleen, seeing as she was less impulsive and better fit for leadership.

So you see these older Crick Elves, inducting Joleen in like a ceremony, they're putting a little wreath around her neck and stuff while Maribel stows in the corner. Finally, you see Maribel run over and she's screaming at Jolene. Ol' Cobb, sorry, young Cobb is trying to get in the middle and Jolene starts giving it right back

and they're like screaming at each other. And Ol' Cobb goes, Maribel just couldn't accept it. She challenged Jolene to a fight right then and there. You see Maribel scratched Jolene across the face and the wound instantly looks infected and diseased and Jolene looks pissed. And they went at it. and diseased, and Jolene looks pissed. And they went at it, you know, spores, blood flying,

never seen anything like it. Maribel was a better fighter, but slowly, surely, Jolene wore her down. You see, Maribel is just a whirlwind in her fungal form, just attacking with all four of her tentacles, like a woman possessed, but Joleen is misty stepping away. She's calling animals to run interference, just being much more strategic.

You even see her possum at one point, like run interference, like scratch Maribel in the face and like, temporarily blind her and then, and ramble away. Yeah, Papa just goes, I'm okay here, very impressed. Finally, Maribel is defeated. And you see Jolene reached down to grab her hand, but Maribel swipes it away. And she storms off as young Cobb tries

to comfort her, but she ignores him and keeps walking out. Maribel was different after that. Now, different after that. Now young Beverly here's got a deal with Polor. He grants him his magical gifts, but unfortunately people can do the same thing with Devils. Maribel pledged herself to Osmodeus in exchange for more power. You see Maribel meditating in a field and the grass in her immediate area is all dead. And you see plant life dying around her. And he goes, she tried to take the Crick for herself and she damn near did it. You see Meribel as this terrible demon queen, even more terrifying than before. She's cutting down Crick ElElf after Crick-Elf.

You see her descend on a scared-looking rookie ranger who drops his bow, but at the last second, Joleen jumps in front and blocks her with her shalayly. Joleen struggles as Maribel's tentacles wrap around her club then finally her neck. Suddenly, a shot rings out and Maribel's eyes widen. She turns and young Cobb is standing there with a smoking blunder bus. You see he's just had his eye ripped out in the battle. Maribel looks at him looking legitimately hurt and betrayed.

And in that momentary distraction, Jolene calls lightning down on both of them, and the two sisters explode apart in a flash of white light. You see Maribel lying there, barely conscious, and young Cobb stands over her. He puts his finger on the trigger and bites his lip. His hand is shaking, the whole gun is shaking until finally he lowers it. I just couldn't do it.

She was the only woman I ever love. You see, Maribel recovers just enough, smirks at him, and disappears into black flame. And you guys are the spell kind of breaks. You guys are out of your trance. This was a very quick, like, Salvia type high. Whoa! Whoa! Hey, God, I have an ex that fucked me up too. Yeah, how many of your friends did she kill?

A story for another time. I check out Moon Shine, we'll make sure she's doing okay. I mean, right now, I'm just like, right now, I'm honestly pretty proud of Jo-Line. I mean, Mima just, she did the right thing. And... You're Mima, finest warrior I've ever seen. You're a good man yourself, Cobb. I'm so sorry for what Mirabelle did to you.

You know, we had the chance to end it there and I failed. Joleen did all that leg work. And I was weak in a moment when I should have been strong. Yeah, but sometimes everyone's just trading off being weak. Sometimes you're the strong one and sometimes you're the weak one. And so that day you were the weak one and tomorrow you'll be the strong one. Or today you'll be the strong one.

You just got a second chance to make things right. Yeah, you could just be like medium strength too. Medium strength. Yeah. like a Moderately pressed bottle of that bill. Yeah, exactly, but that's what friends are for. Yeah, you're also hilarious. You have a ton of awesome quality, man. Well, honestly, I'm kind of glad I never knew this this Antamon because

I'm gonna kill her. You sound like her a little bit right now. And, but you know what, Jolene had that righteous anger to her too. Well, I can use whatever of her I have in myself to destroy her. Also, I'm not afraid to have something in common with her. I'll just use it different. Yeah, this world is full of just rotten people

using power for the wrong reasons and I think we got to put it into it. Yeah she's literally rotting the world right now. Yeah it's nasty. How long have you suspected that? Crick Rock could have been the job of Mirabelle. Have you ever considered that? I've got to be honest. I thought that Devils tricked you and that once you got to hell he probably wasn't gonna let you go. I'm surprised to say the least that Maribel is maybe here. I mean confirmed here right? She's somewhere. She escaped from hell and she's wreaking havoc. Seems weird to just say it out loud, but yeah, she literally escaped from hell.

The eighth one too. Uh-huh, deep down. That's a lot to climb out of, but if they were on ninth, she had a head start. Maybe when Osmodius was unseated, that gave her that undid her bond and she was able to come to the earth again. You see all cops, eyes go wide, knee nods, and he goes,

maybe there's nothing keeping her in hell now and she's free to finally take back the Crick. Oh, that bitch is going down. We got it. Should we point the ship towards the creek? Trickward hoe. I mean, we know what's a miss, right? Wait, wait, wait.

Ah, before we do that, can we take my family and Nana Kindleaf and Irland somewhere safe? Yeah, we can take them to the creek. You don't think they'd like the creek? Oh, I don't move, John. When was the last time you were at the crib? Oh, right. I mean, it ain't so bad. Let's drop them off at your family's summer house. Yeah, okay, I'm sorry, forgive me.

I was thinking of better days at the crib, thinking they'd have a nice stay, but. That's our job, we gotta make those better days come back around and we'll take any able-bodied warrior with us to the crib. Yeah, is there somewhere you have a summer house? We could drop them off and perhaps recruit some people. Do we have a summer house?

So you guys do, you confirmed in another episode that you guys have a house in Esri. We do have a house in Esri, and you guys have a house in Esri. So Mama Toe Gold goes, oh honey, with Esri being so close to Galatoron, I don't know if we should be in a place that's so close to this empire. That's probably true. I do know a nice robot there though. Could we meet up with Red and Red could take them somewhere? Red, finally.

Red pulls up parallel in your dad's airship slightly shittier than the airship that you guys are in right now. What a beauty. Yes, that's stormboard. And he looks out and he yells at you guys like over the wind and he goes, shit, your coordinates were all wrong. Well, I'm new with this red. Well, I'm glad you're alive. Yeah, check this out. All right, cool yeah check this out all right cool that's halfway oh that's awesome that is super cool I'm mom kissing it well you're long haha cool dude you're gonna get sick yeah shit is rife with diseases um I actually a pretty fresh head who's on who's on red

ship is it just him and Gunther all right cool Yeah, maybe I Confirmed with my mom. Yeah, is there somewhere else that you could go where would y'all be safe? well, we have We have family in hill home and I know the kindleaf stew, too You know those a city halflings We don't see the countryside of the family very often, but they would welcome us with open arms I think it would be safer for us there on the other side of the continent

than it would be at the creek or... But mom, that's the country so bad on your feet. Oh, I know. I mean, indoor lady, I mean indoor mom. Yeah. I don't like working outside. Don't get me wrong. I'll do the occasional margarita at the beach.

I'll get a suntan. Who does wonderful? There's a demon mushroom moment that escaped from the air of hell. So I think your mom's feet are gonna have to be okay. I think so. Mom, you and Nana have some girl time. You see a Gwain speaks up and she goes,

I really wanna go with you guys, but I think that me and Irland should go with them too. I think that's actually smart. Yeah, we need to. Yeah, that's a pretty adult move. I don't. I want to help you guys, but she gestures to Nana Kineleaf. She goes, it's the only family I have left.

Hey, you're not doing something cowardly. You're doing something brave. We need someone there protecting them. I'm kind of scared too, but thanks. You're freaking cool. And she gives you a hug. Aw. I hug her.

I hold it until she's gonna have to stop the hug. Is he old, Cobb? It's been my biting back tears the whole time. I barely even know this relationship is terrible. So you hear, yeah, you hear Red Out Loud going, so what's going on? Are we going on like a cool adventure? Or, um, yeah, let's talk about that.

So we have two things to do. One, we gotta bring these folks to their sweet little country house. All right. We got them a pretty good security detail and I wink at a gway. She winked right. And the other thing is we got to go to the creek and fight a Devil kind of He's what do you want to do red one last job red looks at Gunther Gunther goes And red goes, yeah, no, we'll go to the country I tell you what though. I do want to trade ships. Oh

Yeah, he looks at your guy ship, but just this big military ship over this half fixed fucks up SS Stormborn. And he goes, yeah, man, deal. Sweet. I love you guys. It's here's like upgrade. I go for my first thumbs up in a while, and I like mess up and poke myself in the eye.

So that you guys can kind of, you know, say you're good buys and stuff. I'll say the ship's kind of land in the ocean. You guys are in the water now. And you guys kind of. Can we look and see if that's a- Saddle up next to you. A drowned dwarf, right?

Where? Oh God, dead man. Let me just see. Oh boy. Of your fork and not kill. Oh, sweet. He's just such a dead dwarf laying there. Last word. There is, there, you guys your Falcon, not kill. Oh, sweet. It's such a dead dwarf laying there. Last word.

There is, there, you guys are well past. Olcobs, very lengthy story is well past. You guys are well past where? Oaf card jumped. Yeah. All right, sweet, let's trade ships. Cool. Yeah, let's trade ships.

I want to go over to Ireland. Okay. And I give him, I assume I have like a spell book or like some sort of green teen book or anything. Sure, yeah, yeah. I want to give him like my book, and I've written a little note in there for him. Oh, amazing.

And then to my mom, I take off my my Mara Bed sash, and I give it to her and I say, mom, it's time for me to become a green knight. It's time for me to leave the green teens behind. There's bigger things afoot in this world and that's what a toe goal is for. Your mom is just fucking losing it. Just coughing as you go like, oh my god. Oh Beverly. I

Bleed be so careful. I'm so proud of you. I love you so much. I love you mommy when when all this is over We're gonna all go to the country your father's gonna be back and we're gonna be a family again Can we go to shonies? We can absolutely go to shonies. If you ever have any time off I'll take you all to shonies Shonies on me. That's awesome They help Shonies is the best one. They have sliders. They have so many sliders. They have so many sliders Did I let you come back in the kitchen? What did they let you come back in the kitchen? I mean you could work there I guess She has a tiny little blue hat. She could pretty much work anywhere

She can pretty much work anyway. Yes, so mama, mama togo old gives you guys all kisses goodbye. She goes over to the other boat. A Gwayne walks over and she gives you guys all a firm handshake. I let her give me a wedgie. She compulsory gives you compulsory wedgie. I wink to her. She winks back. Moonshine, she shakes her hand. Um, as I'm shaking her hand, in my hand, I have like a little flask of crick water. So I like sneak it to her. She takes it in her hand. You see, she's like hiding it from Nana

and she's looking at you and she melts. You're so cool. Remember to hug, not drink. She nods. And she looks at you, hard one. She nods. And she looks at you hard when she goes, I never really like met you, but you seem cool, I guess. Yeah, you're older than I thought you were, kid.

Don't hup all the crick-waters at once. Yeah, whatever weirdo. He just gives you the peace sign. Did that kid tease me? Just let her give you a wedgie, dude. Okay, she gives you a wedgie Hard with that right under way. She's a peace sign. I'll cop She walks over before she leaves also. I call her back. I'm like, oh, wait. I forgot something um, I give her some poisonous mushroom spores and I say plant this in the ground grow them up and then dip your

Dip your arrows in them. That's so badass. Yeah, I'm just saying, if you want to up your game, you know. She scoops up the mushrooms. Yeah. Erlin helps like Nana Kineleaf get over to the other side, and he comes back, and he goes, I know I'm not ready to join you guys yet, but I'm gonna become a real freaking good cleric and I'm gonna be high-septiceome day and we're gonna take

back later on and we're gonna put in a freaking water slide and you're gonna be able to get from upper galator on down to lower galator on it's gonna be awesome. Heck yeah! Heck yeah dude! Oh man! Yeah that's one of the cleric spells. Water. Water. Creator, destroy water. Well, yeah, I mean, that would be like more of a construction project. And you create it, I'll shape it. You're gonna do amazing things, Erlin. Now go hang out in the country for a little bit.

study hard, Erlin. A smooch him. He smooches you back. You two, dude. We do our secret handshake. You guys do cool. That heads with a smooch him. He smooches you back. You too dude. We do our secret handshake. You guys do cool. That heads with a smooch. Yeah.

You guys do way too long handshake that ends with a quick smooch. Yeah. He hugs hard one. He hugs Moonshine and Erlin hops onto the other ship and Red hops over and he grabs the wheel of the other one and he goes, well kid, you got your ship back. Hey Red, it was good meeting you Uncle, and I give him the weird piece of it. I just learned.

Why are we so bad in hand? Till next time, two fingers. Hey so now that we have a totally sweet ship, we're probably gonna sell it once we get to an old hill home and maybe retire on the country. So you guys ever stop by to see the family, make sure to see your old Uncle Red. Ooh, I can't wait to see the place you get.

I won't forget, Uncle Red. Try the biscuits. Or you Gunther. Red gives a solemn goodbye wave as his ship takes off and your guy's ship takes off. As you guys are taking off, you hear Red talking a little bit of shit about how awesome the new ship was and that he can't believe he pulled that off

He's a good man. That's my uncle red and Gunther take off for Hill home Those guys are safe for now. They're gonna be on the other side of the continent That's much closer to iron deep suit if you guys ever go to iron deep you stop by Hill home. Hey This episode of nad pod has brought to you by bird dogs There a company that makes pants and shorts so no no matter where you fall in the age-old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier.

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are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-a or enter promo code pop-a at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash Papa or promo code Papa for a free Yeti style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show.

Y'all, I just can't believe that crit grot is coming from a fellow crit. I just feel like that, I mean... It's fucked up. Yeah. So fucked up. Narratively satisfying, but fucked up. Ha-ha-ha.

Very narratively satisfying. That's right. I pray it's from God. Yeah, I mean, you couldn't rent something better in this. I don't know how I could. Does the ship have a galley? Yeah, that would say there's probably a little kitchen. There's got, there's probably some real good food down there.

Well, I think we know what it's time for then. I'd go down there and see if I can't rustle us up on apology breakfast. Ha ha! You know what? I think Moonshine lost her appetite, finding out that Crick-Rot is just, Crick-Rot on Crick- Crick hate and so she's just like

She's just like I have no appetite. Maybe maybe the stinky your bacon or Awaken my appetite, but right now I think I've got my own thousand-year-old star Mmm hard ones try not to eat in solidarity, but he's starving Just taking a while he's picking it up Taking that off Moonshine's plate You're not gonna touch the but he's starving. It's just taking a while he's picking it up. Just picking it up. Off-moonshine's plate. You're not gonna touch the... The undercut bacon is not really...

It's, I like it a little chewier myself. Hard to tell if it's some of your bacon too. Polka, I've just solemnly eating toast. Why don't we sleep? Yeah, I think Munchan just like kind of quietly retreats. Like she doesn't need me. She's not trying to make food for anyone. She's like, she doesn't feel like playing New Betsy. She just wants to go to bed. Alright, yeah. Let's just touch this baby down.

Let's more. Okay. So you guys, I'm assuming you guys kind of pull in and kind of try to find some shore, but in area where you can kind of hide your airship and tuck it away cool So you guys find a nice spot behind like a cliff cool. Can I can I explore the my dad's cap in a little bit? Oh, yeah sure how long like he's been dead for a while He's been dead since you were a baby God. He's been dead for years and years and the ship was since you were a baby. God, he's been dead for years and years, and the ship was... belonged to Red for a bit.

Not only belongs to Red, but before it was taken over by the chosen military. It was taken over by the Galator on Army, who stole it from you guys and then red stole it back. I guess I just wanna go into it. You can go into the captains chambers. Yeah, that's what I wanna do. I'm gonna take up that up as my residence.

I would like to trance and talk to Melora. Oh, okay. So I'm doing my trance. It's not my, this isn't my like Zellis trance, this is just like my normal four hour sleep trance. But in the process, I think I'm meditating and just seeing if Melora has anything to say to me. Okay. Do you have a spell for this or you just doing raw, just reaching out to God? No, just reaching out to God. Go ahead and give me a religion check. Do it some light for play with God. Religion or wisdom check.

Another 22, shout out to the two crew. Two two two, two. It is a pair of two. Two, two, two, two. Two, two, two, three, come in. This isn't a spell, so I'm not gonna give you like a sentence or anything, but tell me what you say to Melora. I wish that it was more strategic, but I'm really just being like, Melora, like how is a trick doing this to our own people?

How am I supposed to hate my own people? How am I supposed to hate my own people? How am I supposed to want to kill someone who shares my blood? You see, the ocean was just calm a second ago, but it starts rocking and it starts rocking and the waves start getting a little bit bigger. And then a giant wave washes over like you and the ship and like hits the shore it doesn't damage the boat or anything

But you just get like doused in water and the wave hits you All right, Malora. I will, I will let this rage grow. I will let this anger grow and wash over me until... You feel, you feel another like a little wave. Oh. That one was for pop off, right? You know, someone who has committed herself to hospitality, I'm ready to stray from what I believe.

Find your rage. Ha, ha, ha. As you're doing this meditation and everything, I'm ready to stray from what I believe find your rage As you're doing this meditation and everything Old cobbox over to you and he goes I'm assuming you had something to do with that because that was weird and you do weird stuff with the weather and whatnot Yeah, that's me and Melora kind of double team in the ocean. Well, I just want to say that You know you got a lot more jollene than you do. Maribel you got that you got that fury but it's a it's a righteous fury you care about your people and that's what's important. I don't

feel bothered knowing that I'm related to her that I share her blood or anything like that. I just I got to take this bitch down and I'm feeling guilty about feeling that way about one of my own people. I've regretted a long time not doing what I needed to do and I think I might be a little too old at this point to make up for that, but maybe you can. I think I'm just gonna, I think I'm gonna put aside the welcome mat and get a little mean.

Oh, coveleens in, he goes, she thinks she's the mother fucking fungal queen. Oh my god, my spores stand on the back of my neck, hair. Oh yeah. But she ain't got shit on you kid. I'm a fucking queen. Bitch ain't met Rod. That's right. That's Rod Moonshan. Bitches, I'm coming for, I'm coming for. Hard one, you're meanwhile you're in like your dad's old quarters. Practice like my wood blocks. You hear, yeah, you hear, you hear Moonshan and hard one out yelling that the ship

has just been hit by a wave. I'm losing time a little bit. I also, I realized that I wanted to above my bed put the wanted poster of the widow. Oh, fucking killer. Good. As you put up the wanted poster of the widow, so you see, you're in the captain's chambers. There's a bed there.

It's quite dirty because red was eating chips in there and sleeping in there himself. Um, it is. I've never had a room to myself before. This is the first time I've ever had a place to sleep. It's got like some of reds. You see like reds hat is there and stuff. But otherwise it was like very much picked clean. Like these chosen guys were real fucking nerds. So they're the ones who had it last. They're the ones who like furnished it last. But there but there's you know enough room for like a little bed and stuff as you go to put the poster up go ahead and give me a perception check It's three but I'm gonna use my lucky roll Oh yeah he took the lucky feet which I took a pita I get three lucky points a day where I get to reroll anything that I roll.

That's some lucky fucks. That's insane, I roll the one. You's another one. Are you lucky? Are you a rat? Are you a rat? I think so, yeah. I'll just keep on using them, baby.

Okay, that's a 19. Oh, 19, perfect. You, as you put up the poster of the widow in your father's old room, you touch your hand on the wall and there's like a little false wall there. There's like a cupi. Ooh. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I go to bed. Yeah, hard one respects another person's privacy and goes to bed. Probably nothing. No, yeah, I open it up. You open it up and there is a dope pirates captain's hat. Your dad's hat. Can I look inside to see if there's

like an inscription or a name zone or anything? Oh yeah. It says Elias the Stormborn. The Stormborn? Oh, that's your middle name. So I, it would make you believe that maybe his name isn't even Elias Stormborn, he just gave himself that fucking name.

Whoa. Fuck me, now I still don't know my last name. Do you add Stormborn to your registry of nicknames? Yeah, definitely. The stormborn. The stormborn. I try on the hat. Take out my break. You look cool as hell. It's a plus one to charisma hat. Yeah! Love it. Thank you brother. You're the only one. You gotta put that on and then go see your ex. That's so... Ha! This is slightly better for Swayze and Chek. Hello, good to see you.

I trust you're doing as well as I am. Malayee? I keep my hat, do you wait? Nope, that takes the charisma away. I keep my hat on my head. It sucks that hard one can now tip his hat and I have to give him better, because it's about... He's the only person in the entire world

that looks good in a pirate hat. Yeah. Sweet, I'm gonna walk up onto the deck and sort of walk around with the hat on, but like pretend like it's nothing. Whoa, you have to. Oh no. It interrupts me from my trance.

Hey. Oh, okay, you making a choice. It's not a big deal, just a hat. Would you try to run? Do you buy that? Tip it to go up. Hey, whoa, wait. It's not a big deal just a hat You try that you buy that tip it to go up. Hey, whoa, it's got a skull on it hard one I hope I don't betray like the rules of friendship by saying you look good Thank you again Pop-I tips is I shiver and it makes pop-I shiver and then his shiver makes me shiver. It's just a little cold claws.

Yeah, I want to make it a little spot. That's the name of the episode. Hard one's new hat. Bob has got a new? Zero downloads. You're saying our advertisers all left. I've left. I feel like I have to do this now, or I'm never going to do it.

OK. I use my wetstone. Hell yes, you use your wetstone. Yeah. This is a wetstone. Your mom gave you that your dad was supposed to give you. And you see there is this green energy that transfers from the wetstone to your sword and enchants it.

So now this sword, you can once a day activate it and you can use your lucky feet on twos for an hour. So like if you've got a big fucking battle coming up, you bring the luck on sword turns green and you can reroll twos. Power of the two crew. The shout out to the two crew is gonna be more of like a, this is a good thing.

Yeah, two crew, Linmi or String, two to train, pull into the damn station. Yeah. Oh, I love it. Look at you too. While I'm sharpening the sword, I also wanna like officially inscribe a hard shine on the side of it.

Hell yeah. It's good. So I go to work. It's my fucking blade now. You go to work on that bad boy. I'm not even gonna make you roll, because that's lame. Your sword says hardshined now. Hellio.

It'll take you while to scrub off that fuck glad though. You got in there deep. Yeah, this is my night. Just like, this is your next couple nights dude. Yeah. No more rest. Start buffing the sword. Yeah, no more rest start buffing the sword listen Yeah, Beverly I've fulfilled all my goals and go later my new goal is fix a sword

So I did I think we should I think we should go to bed. We have a long day ahead of us. Yeah, I'm trance in Also, sorry y'all the the deck is real wet and that's my doing That's I'm sleeping below, sleeping in the hat. If you wanna, there is the room that Ulfgard destroyed a bunch of beds and punched through the wall. That's my room, a little peekful. Oh, wait, no, Ulfgard didn't destroy this room. Oh, no, it's different, bro. Yeah, there's a little bunk downstairs so you can sleep in.

Nice. I put up the picture of Irland. Beautiful. Yeah. You go down, you sit. It's like you're at summer camp by yourself. Woo! You're just in a little bunk bed. Beautiful. Yeah, you go down you said it's like you're at summer camp by yourself You're just in a little bunk bed probably earnestly like Pretty comforting to Beverly to be in a little bunk bed next to a bunch of bunk beds No one that is friends are nearby. Oh Go to bed Everybody's going to bed. It's ever me who's in a trance?

You're in a trance Embracing the anger old cops doing next to you looking pensively. New darker forms of hospitality. Yeah, the dark side of hospitality. This is like when you yell at a dinner guest for being rude. Yeah, if I'm hosting you and you don't act right, you're gonna see a dark side.

Elbows off the table. Cool. Manors. So, you guys all go to bed.. Elbows off the table. Yeah. Cool. Manors. So you guys all go to bed. Moonshine does her trance. The sun rises. Oh, I woke up early and I went fishing. You went fishing.

Aw, okay. Do you know how to fish? You fished that hard, gonna be. I'm in the creek. I have a good nature check, I guess. Yeah, go ahead and do a nature check. We'll see if you can grab any any fish 21 21 yeah

21 and I'm going spear fishing cuz I'm angry I don't need nets. I want to go one-on-one with these fish cool. Yeah, we'll see you got a sea bass You stabbed a sea bass there. I Stab a sea bass. Oh, I wake everyone up and I say who wants to she me? Where the 21? I feel like she should stab a swordfish and then use the swordfish to stab a sea bass. Yeah, can I do that? Absolutely not. You got yourself a sea bass though.

And the pop-off. Pop-off is gonna try to steal it. What? Pop-off? What's your perception? 14. Okay, you do catch pop-off, trying to grab it I Get it After the day we had yesterday you're gonna behave like that you didn't little road it

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you see he's like motion like I had a tough day too. I'll use my I'll use a lucky point for pop-up No, I know you can't you actually can't oh yeah That's right that's you guys also have a long days Maybe it's good. It's good that I did. Five teams, the lucky points that day. But you know what? Him saying, him saying, I had a long day too. I'm like, you're right, Papa.

We just watch each other and we. Papa also weeps. He, with his fangs, bites it and have to feed to you. As long as. Oh no, you eat for real. He's for real. He's for real. Oh, our people. Guys just eat for real. For real. For real. For real.

For real. For real. Guys, let's eat raw fish. I make everyone some chopsticks. Very good. Everyone has one. Have a piece of sushi made from this ones, you guys. Oh, this is elegant.

Wow. Fresh. Could you do like the shimi sliders? You know what would be good with this? It's bread. Crick shimi, this is good. The bones are good. It's like having the orange juice with the pulp. Oh yeah. I'm gonna dress this with just a little touch of crick-watt. And then I'm like I call the stomach, I call the stomach. No one else gets the stomach. I get the stomach. You go right ahead.

Hard one hangs his head. I'm sad that I didn't call it. Papa sharing brown guts with you. I just tease it in like a goger. Oh, you know that everyone is sick. Everyone is sick. I'm salivating at it though. I love the idea that Moonshan has been such a bad influence on hard fun.

So this is not a bad place to leave your boat. You can't really drive that shit into the forest or anything. If you guys want to do a little hike to the creek. How close are we to the creek? You guys are like 10 miles from the creek. Hmm, cool. Ten mile hike, that sounds good. Yeah, let's hike to the creek? Hike sounds fun. You guys are like 10 miles from the creek. Mm, cool. 10 miles hike, that sounds good. Yeah, let's do it.

Let's hike to the creek. Yeah. So as you, it's been so long since we've been to a new place, guys, let me give a backstory. Ooh, the creek. Finally. So yeah, so you guys make your little 10 mile hike, and as you do that, I will give a backstory.

So long ago, two love struck elves were banished from the Elven city of Gladeholm, and founded a new society at the Crick, where they could be free from judgment. The reason for this banishment is much debated. The high elves believed they were banished because they were cousins who wanted to get married. The Crick elves believed that they were third cousins at most.

The truth is somewhere in the middle. Second cousins. We were second cousins. Second cousins. Now what we call the Crick is actually a series of cricks. There's a long river that begins north in the Galatoron glades, then runs south to the living wood where it diverts into many streams. It's

essentially shaped like a giant fork. The Crick Elves live but twist cricks in different crick strikes. They live in hollowed-out stumps connected by rope bridges. In the center of the Crick is one gigantic full tree called the grandma tree planted by the founding Mima and used as a gathering place for all Crick Elves. The current Mima is Joleen Siben, who leads the Cricks with the help of the old folks circle, a council of elders who advise her. Now, despite the rumors, Crick Elves are not all in bread. The original two Cricks found it a society based on hospitality. They would welcome any and all folks with open arms. This

attracted half elves, lesser-born elves, and societal rejects of all kinds from high-elven society. The snooty propriety of Glade Home has no place here where youngins play with fire, Crick Bullywugs, Chase Nanner flies, and a friend might just show up in your stump at any time for any reason because Crick Elves have no sense of privacy. Now life was simple until shortly after the war with Osmodeus when a strange plague began to slowly take over the Crick. And now, some ain't right.

Something ain't right. Can we say that I saw him leading them back in? I'm like saying hey to like chipper monks and Chipper monks, it's just chipmunks. That's what cricks call them. Yeah, chipmunks I'm like saying hey to chipper monks. I'm like seeing like I'm seeing like little frogs that I know like bully bug bully bug peepers Yeah, bully what peepers. I'm like hey y'all back. I'm back Hey, y'all is Moussaid is Moussaid sort of giving us like this same exact story that you're telling us a little bit from the other version?

Yeah, cool. I feel like eventually I realize that you just name things differently, so I start pointing out things and asking you to give your name for it. Oh, that's a flutter flash. Okay, all right, I point at, I point it like a daffodil.

Oh, that's a muck rose. Wow, okay. I put it a bird. That's a flying rat. Yeah, that's a flying rat. It's all Cobb. Hey, you know, bro, I'm a weird dude. That's a tall rat.

Tall, tall in terms of like how high he is. How many sets? Relative to like a bird does not stand, so how high he gets in the sky, so how tall he is is how he's out. I try to, yeah. I try to stump you. I find a praying mantis And I say that's Joe You never met Joe moon shot

How's everybody I do a double tank? You guys aren't even in the creek yet. Joe has a family. You know what? My wife tried to chop my head off after I had sex with her. Oh Joe, I told you she's no good for you. I have an ex that's the same way. Me too, brother.

I asked Joe if he wants a worthy original. Yes, please. There you go. He eats one. It's really labor, really hard for him to get his original. Yes, please. There you go. He eats one. It's really labor, really hard for him to get down. He's very small. You guys just watched this tiny. Almost choking.

This tiny quick praying mantis chokes down a hard candy. OK, so you guys did a pretty long hike. We'll say to make this more atmospheric and cool. We'll say once again, it is sunset. Yeah. So you guys do a long hike. You woke up late. You took your time on your table.

You're telling those sushi today. Yeah, that took a really long time. You guys talked to Joe for hours. I don't have the hard to tell him it's not sushi. So yeah, so you guys can hear people celebrating and having fun and everything, but it's kind of deep in the distance. So to the east, you can see lights and the silhouettes of people in the distance, but to the west, there's no activity despite there being crick-strikes over there.

Is this new to you? This is new to you. There is a heavy fog in that direction. It looks like maybe people have evacuated the Western crick-strix. What does a Divine Sense tell me? Divine Sense, to the West? Yeah. Your evil is pagan.

Make a little stain. Ooh, look. So suddenly, you guys hear a wagon. Make a little stain. Ooh, look. So suddenly you guys hear a wagon and you guys see an old gnome in a robe driving a wagon towards you. You see written on the side of the wagon. Oh, the wizards. This is one of them scummy traveling wizards don't fall.

On the side of the wagon It says thrifty shwifties and he goes howdy folks man interesting you in my wears Should we kill it whoa? I mean, I mean we don't need to kill we could just keep walking trust noems man Do I know I've been tricked by too many noems and too many traveling wizards and this little dude is both yeah I know, I've been tricked by too many gnomes and too many traveling wizards and this little dude is both. Yeah.

Keep moving, fucker. Oh, okay, well I've got the cure for what Aelsia? Provided what Aelsia is low hit points because I have health potions. Okay, I can't help it. Yeah, I want some wires. Hey, it's 30 Swiftie. 30 Swiftie, he's got what you need.

30 Swiftie, come with all your greed. Hey, that's a really good kid. He throws you a copper. Hey, this one's on the house. Oh, right. Okay, could you eat your greed. Hey, that's a really good kid. He throws you a copper. Hey, this one's on the house. Oh, right. Kid, could you eat your mobs for a second? Yeah, sure thing. He whispers to the rest of you guys and he goes,

I've also got a few off menu items for the adults. If you'd like to indulge, we're not interested to you. Longeray? Yeah. I have a hundred eight ender cane. It's Wifty, da da da da da. I have a hundred eight and hurricane Three fifty I'll have the pile of arcane. Yeah, thank you. Okay. Oh Just a piece What's that? What are you? I got a chapstick? What flavor chapstick?

Make no very Why did you say different thing? We got two chapsics. Whoa! Earmuffs and blindfolded them. Two chapsics. Well, you're at a handcuffs, too. Just getting kinky.

Prostrate yourself. Okay. Let's buy some healing potions, too, right? Yeah. Okay, he goes, tell you what, I like you guys. You're my favorite customers of the day. So I'll give you a potion of healing. That's a deluxe potion of healing,

100 gold, how's that sound? Great. Oh, that's a terrible deal. Oh, of course, I don't know how to negotiate. That's a terrible deal. Excuse you, sir. Did you see this party and you took us for a band of boobs?

You know what, you got a keen eye and I respect that. That's why I'm gonna lower my price one time only and this is the lowest I can go, 70 gold. I, I, I suck them. I, I, I suck them. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I-bearing, 50 gold, that's just the normal price, that's how I make my money. That's, I was trying to rip you up before, but 50 gold. Okay.

I'll buy two. You know what, I've got a potion of greater healing as well, which is 150 gold, and I'll give it to you just for 150 gold, that's market value. Because I was just punks. We have 150 gold. I got a lot of gold. All you do? I got 350. Let's I have 150 gold. I got a lot of gold. Oh, you do?

I got 350. Let's just buy them out. Okay. So what do you want to buy? Do you want to buy several greater healing potions? Or do you want to buy regular healing potions? How much is the arcane? The arcane.

Well, that's going to be a 60 gold for the low level, first level spell slots, but I've also got for 200 gold, second level spell slot arcane. Wait, why don't we run by Chapstick? We are! Eh, where's your muffs? Okay, three, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, two, one, two, one, two, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, two, one, two, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, two, one, two, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, One vial of your finest arcane for 150. Go ahead and give me a persuasion check. For sure, the add the extra one for charisma provided you have the hat on still.

I should do. Still not gonna be great persuasion. Uh-huh. Nine. Nine. Ah! Ah! Ah!

I tip my hat. Tell you what, captain, how about 190? Sure, let's do arcane greater healing potion. That's all I can afford. Okay, he gives you a bile of yellow arcane. Ooh, and this will give you two second level spelt slots. Gator piss. Two second level spelt slots.

Can I sniff it real quick to make sure it's not just gator piss in a syringe? Yeah, go for it. I sniff it. You sniff it. It is definitely drugs. Oh, that's good. Little piss.

Little bit of piss. Little bit of piss. Little bit of piss. I'm gonna go and buy just one healing potion. Now, I don't want to presume anything, but are any of you gambling men or women? Yeah. I do have these cards.

Funny you should mention cards, kid, because I've got a little deck of cards myself. It's called the deck of many things. I don't know if you've heard of it. Oh, my lower I've heard of it. The amount of times I've had a traveling gnome trick being a plan, the deck of many things. This is not a trick, okay?

I'll be upfront with you. These are cards of great power. You can draw one or more. You gotta tell me ahead of time how many you're drawing. And you suffer the consequences or you reap the rewards, get rich or get ruined five gold of Policard. Yeah, deal me in.

Ooh. And you guys know, like this is a pretty legendary item. This deck will wreck your shit or give you some real cool stuff. Yeah, I'm not. There are ones where like you die essentially. What? I'm not, I'm not touching it. Well, one's a superstitious little boy.

Ooh. Honestly, moonshine, this is not the first time she's getting tricked in. This is just what they do. They come by, they get us to play the deck ofany cards and we play it. That's just what happens. I'm not gonna play. I'm already the man. You going for a moonshine? Yeah. Okay. Ooh, me too, me too. Okay, Beverly, Beverly and moonshine grab the cards. Babe, just because I'm making a mistake doesn't mean you have to. I feel a bit of a maternal feeling for you and I feel like I'm walking you down the wrong path. Hard one patting the arcane in his pocket say hey yeah don't do anything stupid.

Now give it a go it seems fun. Oh it's not okay. It could be fun. He's not a green teen anymore. I know you're right I got a true I got a I got a lip of my mistakes. You know what yeah you're a group. A. Well green okay. How many cards do you guys want to pull and it's five gold per card? Just one. Yeah, just one one. Okay, so you guys both the clear one take five gold off your character sheets He hands you guys cards with gold backs Do I get to keep the gold at the end?

No, it's like gold art both of you guys Roll a D20 is you like fanning them out for us. Oh hell no, dude. This is this one There's no way to like insight this right? I got seven. Okay, seven. Okay. That doesn't matter It's not about a good roller a bad roll That's a 14 you just get the seventh card right? That's a 14. You just get the seventh card, right? Beverly got a 14. Yeah, and you got a seven. Mooshine. I really got something good based on his reaction. Good or very bad.

I'm going to be in charge. Just going to lose everything. You Turn your card around. And you see a shining star. You got the star card. The card turns into like little gold specs and fill up your body making you feel stronger, smarter, whatever you want. You can increase one of your ability scores by two. Oh Oh shit really yeah Moonshine you're glowing Positively

Was that the pregnant card? I feel at my fallopian tube There's like a little baby fist in there. How is it? I don't I don't like this face at all Okay Beverly yeah I don't like this face at all. Okay. Beverly, yeah? You turn your card around and you see there's a picture of a little night. It almost looks like a trading card. Like from the chosen series? Not from the chosen series. Okay.

You just see a little half-ling night He's got a white mustache and white hair and suddenly he Appears from outside the card. Uh-huh, and he Bows to you when he goes sir told cold. I will protect you with my life and Sir Tocult, I will protect you with my life! And the card dissipates and disappears. You just have a fucking level 4 fighter that follows you around and helps you. Whoa!

Hey! That's so tough! What's your name, friend? Sir, my name is Balner. I was pulled from some very important war that I... I'm pretty sure I needed to be a part of, but... Now I'm here and I feel like I need to serve you Wait a second you got pulled from another war?

Yes, I was a I was a I'm night before this and I was in some kind of Warf serving some noble cause for the halflings and suddenly I disappeared and I'm here in the woods serving a boy Please Beverly togo nice to meet you. Who are the factions in the war? I don't remember. Well, I only remember that my name is Balnor, and I love you now. Oh, I love you too. You are my son.

You are my son, and I'm weaker than you, and I love you. My name is Balnor. I love my new week dad. New week dad. I remember getting my ass kicked many times. That's okay, you know what? We've got a big fight ahead of us and I think you're gonna do just great.

I love you, Valnor. I love you, my strong son. Quick with the L word, too. Hey guys, this is my new dad. Greetings, Valnor. I don't know who I am or why I'm here. Just then I Valnor. I don't know who I am or why I'm here. Just that I bow, Nor. How do you do?

I bet. Remember, your dad is alive and fine in the family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. This is my, this is my weak butler, dad. Cool. You have been wanting a butler. That's true.

I wanted to row up, but this is a little better. Yeah. I had, I remember having a son and family of my own. He like looks over. No, I was in you say, miss you. Better not to think about it. I remember him not respecting me because I was weak, because I was only level four.

We're your new family, and we love you. Despite your weakness. I love all of you, and I will protect you all with my life. Okay. I don't know. Yeah. I got to turn to them. I'm like, what do we think about this?

I mean, I'm certainly concerned every time you speak, but you know, what can you really do? Show them back in the card. I think you see her now. I've got, I've spent my whole life wanting a father figure, but now that I've got one, I do. Can I give you a look at it? I turned it to scripties.

Like, is it no refunds I assume? Nope, sorry, give yours. You know, there was a card that would have put you in a small gem on another plane, so... Okay. You got a guy. Pretty good. Pretty good.

Another one would have destroyed all your magic items. Another one would have destroyed all your other items. Ooh, you guys... You guys... Things worked out pretty well for you. You know, Beverly, baby we'll find like a needy family that we can gift Valorant. I think that'd be great. Oh, you should see me fight.

One, two bully wugs. As long as I have a pal. Oh, boy. Hey, hard one. Does the dwarf finish need any dads? The dwarf has need per a dad, for sure. A perfect ending for pal, nor perhaps. C-C, swifty, kind of looks over to you hard one goes. Sure you know one one kid.

You get trapped in a gem. Yeah I think I would just get trapped in a gem. Thanks with no thanks, Swifty. Yeah and Oka goes yeah that's a bad look gambling in the past. I think it's probably better mean. But just as a game, can I roll, can I roll and you tell me what I would've got? Oh, that's fine. Oh, that's fine. Just for fun, Zees. 10. Okay.

10. The void. This black-harse spells disaster. Your soul is drawn from your body and contained in an object in a place of the DM's choice. One or more powerful beings guard the place. While your soul is trapped in this way, your body is incapacitated.

A wish spell can't restore your soul, but the spell reveals the location of the object that holds it, you draw no more cards. Okay, it's the gem one. Wait, did Schwifty just hold that up? You're like, ooh, close call. Schwifty looks visibly upset. You could tell he's like a sick fucker

that maybe wanted to send somebody to hell or something. Get the fuck out of here, Shoei. Too bad. Yeah, we get the broom and we shoot him more. I got a pack with some demons. I hit his horse really hard on the ass. The horse starts running away with the carriage. He starts chasing after it.

Are you sure none of you guys want to go in a gym or go to hell? We want you to go to hell. All right, fuck you guys. Bye. Hey, O'Cop. It's Steve runs off after his cart. O'Cop, what do you think of the new dad? What do you think of our new granddad? He looks at Ballnor, he goes, you know,

I got a lot of hospitality, so... And he just nods. Oh, yeah. Oh, can Balnor have some of your... Of your quick whiskey? Any app Balnor goes, Oh, sorry, it gives me gas. I, uh... I can't, I don't really drink anymore.

Sort of already smells like you have. Well, I should say, I say I don't really drink anymore, never had a sip of the stuff. T totaler, huh? Detotaler. It's kind of like how you got like, say how today I was born, kind of a paladin, if I will, never got the powers though.

Oh, so no healing spells. Oh, absolutely not. What are you just like? I'm known to drop a healing potion too. All right, Belnor, just guard our flank. So you stand about 10 feet behind feet behind I'll take up the rear I have weak knees take up the far rear about it. Get our deep sense. Belnor can Belnor proudly takes up the rear

I can't report for us you guys. I'm like this guy this guy right? Yeah Hospitality I didn't want to say anything if you don't got no the nuts don't say anything and also I just said nothing this got so. I thought maybe you might be feeling not. You know how you have like two sets of grandparents and like one sets pretty cool and the other sets kind of lame. Yeah, he's like the lame grandparents. One day we can deliver him to the dwarf finish. I think he do really well there. Yeah, if can we can find a worthy cause for him, I believe. Valnor is just your mom's boyfriend. Hey, a week step, Jack.

I'll take, you know, we can't afford the major league games, but I'll take you to a double, double a game. One of my friends works security there. Can I get a little ice cream helmet? Oh, no, sorry, they don't have those. They don't have those for for the minor They don't bust out the helmets. They're bring her own from home though I do whenever I go to friendlies I save the cone That's certainly something or whatever whatever you need so we should we head towards town Yeah, let's go to the crack. Do we want to head for the the West part or the East part? I think that I think we want to go for the west part or the east part? I think that I think we want to go for the east part and then we can find out because I definitely am curious

to do a little mission into that west part. Yeah, but we can talk to people that we get a little like intel. And I probably shared with everyone that I got like a pretty strong width of evil from the east. We saw the little stain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He saw the little stain in your pants and we knew. Wow, it's a foggy day, huh guys? Hugging? Yeah. Yeah, foggy. Just stay close.

Not too close, but you got it. He gets uncomfortably close. Oh, boy. Wow, you. He's that was shitty night. He'll be very helpful, but it's so funny that he's just annoying and sorry to know. Yeah, but, of course, that's terrible. annoying and sorry I don't know what is that terrible

So funny, okay, so you guys are going to like the east side of the creek where you see activity. Yeah, cool so you guys start Walking south with Balnor towards the creek and bev your evil sense is going off like crazy Do west the greatest evil you've ever felt. And moonshine, as you look off to the east, you feel this weird sensation of comfort and familiarity as you see like the hovering magic torches and the distance and the stumps being a light and the screams of the youngins getting louder and louder in stark contrast to the west where something clearly ain't right And that's where we'll end our episode

It's a meaty session. Oh boy guys. We're at the creek a fun one all over Was this deck of many things? You guys only got good ones. That's really good. Yeah Not a single 20-year-old either so The entire episode. Yeah, we didn't have to roll that much anyway hard ones luck is rubbing off on us man that fucking trapped in a gem that would I'm really glad I didn't pick a card I'm so glad I didn't pick a card. I'm so glad I didn't pick a card. Cool guys. We'll save some for the short rest. Yeah, we'll talk more about this on the short rest. So we're gonna talk about guys go to patreon.com slash NADD, POD, don't sing yet.

We're gonna describe my hat in great detail on the short rest. We're gonna talk about Hard One's New Hat, title of the episode, Hard One's New Hat. Check out the after show. I mean, we should give Hard One the opportunity to describe exactly how he wants it to look. Yeah, yeah, we'll go into it. Papa's got a grand new hat.

Grand? Yeah, it's grand as well as brand new. It is grand and grand. Cool guys, so we'll catch you next week. Things to plug. By Hey You Up, me and Emily's book. It's a satirical relationship advice book. Get on Amazon or audible if you want to listen to books Well, how do you watch your TV show? Oh, you can go to the Disney now app or you can watch it on the Disney channel check your local cable listings I think you can also buy it on iTunes or Amazon big city greens. There we go. Yeah, yeah There's a whole week of premieres last week and then we've got episodes rolling out this week too. Including one, I did called Gridlocked. Very cool.

I had to draw a lot of cars. Hell yeah. Watch, called Wells episode everybody. Yeah. Be supportive. Please. Yeah. Speaking of our show in Seattle.

Oh, yes, guys. Tickets are selling out very fast. We might be sold out by now. We're recording this a few days ahead of time, but there might still be more tickets so go to headgum.com slash live. To get your tickets now, do not hesitate. We are selling out our first live show in Seattle.

It's happening. It's gonna be fun. There's gonna be costumes. Yeah. Oh my God, everybody coming, please cosplay. Please cosplay. Can I quickly give some shout outs to people that have sent us stuff?

Hell yes. Oh man. We got so much cool stuff at the PO box, which is of course 1920 Hillhurst Avenue, number 2222, Los Feliz, California, 90027. I can't believe this is the first time I noticed how many twos are in our PO box. Holy sh- Over 2222? That's insane.

The whole time. God of destiny. The two crew. The west two cursed. Yeah. Number two two two that's insane the whole time got a destiny Weston first yeah The grubby hands of the two crew touch everything we do I want to give a shout out to Matthew millions for giving us this cool fake beard hat Y'all are gonna see it y'all are gonna see it that is definitely making appearance for at least a minute at the live show Yeah, I'll come out. I'm coming out in it I'm definitely making appearance for at least a minute at the live show. Yeah, I'll come it out.

I'm not coming out. And it looks real scratchy and sweaty, but yeah, he's going to brave it for as long as he looks awesome. You look like hard one with it on. The beard looks fucking dope. God, I was looking good. It's good. Matthew also got us some cool dwarf dice, hard one to use.

Jeffrey S. loaded us up. Jeffrey S. treating us so right right they sent us a very nice note They also gave us some dice some huge D60s, which I'd never seen before It's like a golf ball. Yeah, that looks like a job breaker We've talked about in moments of extreme desperation that I will let them roll a D 60 and if they roll a 60 Maybe they'll get some divine 60 and if they roll a 60 maybe they'll get some divide and they roll right now, 60 right now. I got a six.

I got a six. Close. I mean, only one digit off. It takes a while, it takes a while if I don't get this. Yeah, it's so round. Yeah. Another one. I got one.

I'm six. That's insane. That's bad luck. Wow. It's a curse, do you see? We're cursed. Jeffrey S also sent us a nice pop-up stuff to plush pop-up With a harness and some brown leaves

We're going out in the crib pop-up is ready for the Craig Papa rain is there a strip club in the a crit club where somebody does like Hold dancing on a really skinny stump. We had the opposite where we put our clothes on Brown leaves up in the air. Put it on. Dang, that's so fashionable. Dang. Somebody sent us a hero forage mini,

which it seems to be all of our characters combined into one character. It was just really cool. If you sent that, get in touch with me on Twitter at call.de and we'll thank you properly. Take yourself known to us. James M sent us some cool etched bone dice. They look real heavy metals. Get it get in touch with me on Twitter at call the and well, thank you properly. Take yourself known to us James M. Sinus some cool etched bone dice. They look real heavy metals. I think I want to use them whenever moonshine is in fungal form because they look like a little evil

Yeah, they do look like scores. Yeah, give a roll on that How thankful are we not well? We'll work on being thankful Rosalie S innocent entire NAD pod comic script that they wrote. Wow. Yeah. It's a transcript of the first episode in comic script form.

So if you're an illustrator, you want us to draw a comic, but get at us, we got a script for you. We got the script. That's all that was holding you back. We got that script ready to go. And then of course, Elkin sent us a letter addressed to Diny Pebblepot. It's a full nice note, but I do want to read the PS at the end, which says, PS, your father recently defended my wife on the J-walking charge that she had.

Since she was beheaded for her crimes, will we be getting a refund? I tell you what, if you think my clients guilty of J-walking, you can go ahead and behead her right now. Wow. Gittying comes out. Just up to the charge on his own. So craving, so bad at the law. That's all we got. Thank you all so much for sending stuff. We love it. We love being showered with these gifts. It makes our roles better. I think so. I can say that. Yeah, feels good with nice dice. All right, guys, yeah, follow us on Twitter.

At CH-Murph is me, at J-Kerwitz's Jake, Adi-X, for it is Emily, and at Call Thee is called well. Tweet about the show using hashtag, NAD pod, that's NADD-D-P-O-D. We are, we are, of the nation we are we are I'm Balnor and I'm your new dad Hey guys, it's the end of the show So we got a shout out our council of elders

We had actually already recorded this But the audio got fucked up so this is the remix We can't get everyone together without pushing back the episode release even more, so I'm just gonna do it myself. Bring on the epic music, I'm going in alone! Starting with Matthew M. The Bullywug Prince, married a Crick Bullywug princess in an act of forbidden love that shocked the Bullywug world, their children have okay teeth. Jo N, the lover of Lucy, once traveled all the way from Iron Deep through the

Crick, through Ezri, all the way to Galator on just a taker to Ruby Tuesdays. Brad D, the only pebble pot that isn't Craven, once tried to be a human shield for Denny while he was being shot at by arrows, but Denny had already pushed him in front of him. J. Lommas, 72, aka Steelbreaker. Hard one spotter who consumes 19 protein shakes a day and hasn't taken a solid shit since Hard one left the dwarf an inch. Andrew A, aka, Filled Spar Light Garden. The half-elf who defeated Mishka in a Steel Cage match live on Monday Night Raw, but did need to use a Steel chair. Taylor Pappa the sixth, a legendary bard to whom no item is in an instrument, including Possums, once borrowed Pappa from Munchine and squeezed a sonata out of him.

Dylan B, a super weak wizard who wields 12 swords because he saw an episode of one piece and thought he could make it work He can't use the swords at all, but it does look cool Simon W the bootleg of hard one soft loss He's got tiny caps and no quads, but he grew up with a really nice dwarf family and in a beautiful home Danny P, but whom he is resident artist painted hard one senior portrait at the dwarf image Yes, hard one was holding a rose on his shoulder It was beautiful. Tom P father of the realm CeraNator of sleeping babies his dad jokes are funnier than mells and as funny as old cobs

Spencer cask brew patron elder of libytians ale maker to gods and heroes of Bahumia alike once made a cocktail so delicious, reggie the air elemental bartender briefly quit to do some soul searching. Pedro E, Bart of the mountains, who can serenade a restless, quick, bully-wug, peeper to sleep, or blow out the eardrums of an evil goat man with the strum of his loot. I'm getting tired here. Oh, cop, take it away! Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn Eldritch Knight, an owner of the Badger's Pine Inn and Tavern, gave moonshine hard one, and Beverly a discount on their one big bed.

That's mighty hospitable of y'all. Daniel the Dastardly Dame, Goldsmith of the Realm, responsible for all the fancy gold leaf desserts at the Blumana Inn. Hucy, aka Helldoor Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crude on the SS Stormborn and fought alongside Elias and Red, a barbarian warrior from the frigid north. Haldi was a hero, but also wasn't too proud to spend a Sunday afternoon scraping dead birds off the underbelly of the SS Stormborn. Manny the mundane, accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spill to reach divinity. Weekly holidays include Monday, Monday, in which devotees do their

laundry and other everyday affairs. Kim H. Norwegian barbarian Viking, super ripped, covered in bronze and wearing a thong. Kim won a benched hard one. That's 120 pounds of pure muscle. Daniel U. aka Multifor. Owner of a sweet, sentient boat that sounds like Gilbert Godfried. You may recognize this boat from the thirst traps on Shae's Instagram. Now that's a fine-looking lady. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, has played all of the Boy King's execution branches

and even an execution litter. Jeffre S. Lord of the Fjord defeated a terrifying cave crustacean to assume the title of the Lord of the Fjord and to this day, where's it's exoskeleton? Jim Jam Flim Flam, the one man band, traveled Bahumia playing emo songs under the name Death Cobb for Cutie. Exhave your sea, a terrifying mure creature who but witches passing sailors with riddles. Cutter W, allegedly, moonshawns daddy. That wasn't that nice. Alright, Murph, back here.

I got a shout out, Holrock, Mick Bash, companion of Brunhill'd and father of two half dry-ed twins. Holrock, Brunhill'd misses you and reminds you that the true path is the path of Martha Moore. That's an inside joke, that's cause we're friends in real life and that's our other campaign. On to John S. A.K.A. Schubert the Mushroom. His head is twice as potent

as the big shroom, Fungan. James B, the baller bard. When he lost his bow one day, he decided to pluck his fiddle, this thrifty musician invented the beloved music genre of Crick Hop. Ryan M, Thealasahim on her way to Galatoron and thought he was hot. And she's pretty pious, so... Shout out Ryan M. Alaina C, the only person Miska has ever smiled at.

Andrew M, played spin the pickaxe with Hard One's X, the mere thought of this game is what gets Hard One in the zone during battle. Beardman Dan, the longest beard in Bahumia, though not the thickest. That title of course belongs to Othgar. Scott D, this is the knight who trained Maddie Crits. He told him to dig deep. Then there's Aaron C, Mr. AC, AKA, he who cannot be crit against.

Hermes W, the Bat King. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da in the Feywild this year. Then there's Hardly S, rides the Bahumia equivalent of a dope ass chopper, a Gwain thinks everything sucks except for that Harley. Parker E, undefeated and skulls is fighting Ring, Riva's true champion. The only reason hard one was left alive is because Parker forgot that he was supposed to be fighting that day. Let's move on to RJW, a respectable goat person who put aside their blood-thirsty ways and started a non-profit to help educate people on voting rights. Where's a little bow tie?

Shout out to you, RJ, Adam R. Assistant manager at the Speaking Stone Warehouse gave Ol'Kab a really good deal on his stone and three months of free data. Brent B. Has a different hot sauce from each of the nine hells. The ninth one is called AsplAST MODIUS, they breast their teeth with it. Cassandra MHP, a talented woodblock author who has headlined at the Feywild Sacred Moon

Festival 3 years in a row. Matt C. A. K. A. Mattie Big Crits, the legendary hero of the Galator on Civil War, they later wrote a book about their experience that has been turned into a movie starring John Krasinski. Ricky, learned to do a bullywug mating call so successful that they now travel the Crick serving as a wing frog for anti-social bullywugs in search of a mate. Andrew R has a pair of angel wings that are so big and beautiful even Theala is jealous, will fly you to the nearest right aid if you ask nicely.

Cannibalistic Kuthulu, a dark lord in training, from the fire's amount dang they crafted a ring of lesser power that allows the user to turn slightly see through, like 50% opacity. Old Cobb, an actual piece of ancient sentient corn. If you eat one of their kernels, you gain infinite wisdom about corn. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, was the bartender at a Gwein Sweet 16, where they served up a ton of amazing mocktails, which a Gwein instantly spiked. Blitzbrig, Dmitry, a cobalt so strong, they just straight up became a dragon. Instead of fire, they breathed protein shakes.

Victor T, the world's tallest half-ling, technically more of a 4-5th slink, can ride all the rides at Ezri's bubble farm amusement park Henry A our real-life friend has a sword that is also a car Don't try to think about it too hard. It's just a sword. That's a car. Know your picture. Get wrong. Trust me You are finally Nick pucks the code master weaves Roons together to create entire realms where once there was nothingness, they also personally coded our website. Thank you, McPucks. Thank you, everyone.

I'm sorry I had to do this by myself, especially because I lost my voice. I really regret doing the old Cobb voice with such fervor. I'm dying here. I love you, Council of Elders. Thank God I listen to pro wrestling. And thank God for Patreon and Dungeons & Dragons. I'll see you next week!