Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 25: Into the Fire (Tales From the Crick)

Episode Date: July 26, 2018

The Band of Boobs face off against Big Fire Daddy in the final battle of the Elemental Titans! Hardwon crits and splits, Beverly collects yet another father figure, and Moonshine gets hospitably hostile. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects include:"Club Chatter, London" by mlteenie at Freesound.org."Crackling Fire" by sagetyrtle at Freesound.org."Into the Flame" by Emily Axford."The Golden Sword" by Emily Axford."Cured by the Light" by Emily Axford."Hospitably Hostile" by Emily Axford."Mee Maw's Burden" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Just enter offer code PAPA at checkout. That's www.atamineave.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast, so be sure to use the code PAPA to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with brush processing. Code P A W-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumi everyone.

Buh-Buh. Buh-Buh. Buh-Buh. You're Dungeon Master Brian Murphy joined by Jake Herwitz. Welcome back to Bahumia everyone. Bahumia. Bahumia. Bahumia. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Herwitz. Hard one, sure foot. Emily Axford. Munchan, Simon, Aino Need. To dress it up this week, I'll just say I'm champion

of the ocean. And called Waltanner. Beverly Toe Gold the Fifth, the Squier, who desires the fire. Whoa. Yes. No. He went full ride. Let me go again. Ha. Ha. Totally tow gold the fifth, the squire who desires the fire. Whoa! Yep, nope. He went full ride. Let me go again.

I had a 40 minute car ride over here. All right guys, let's do a recap. So last week, you guys continued your adventure in the elemental chaos. You defeated the air elemental Titan, an old Cobb earned her favor and became the champion of the sky. The air Titan then granted you all the power to fly while you were in the elemental chaos

which allowed you to travel to the sea. You then swam to the bottom of the ocean where you discovered the water temple. You solved a sea horse puzzle that allowed you to sink down to the water. That doesn't sound cool. We solved. You guys solved a little sea horse puzzle. No, it was a very cool. We saw the little sea horse. We rode a sea steed to the bottom of the ocean. That's true. We handled sea steeds. Yes. It's an aquatic equine riddle. Bridalden handled. You guys rode the little sea

horse down to the watertight and thrown room then challenged her and defeated her. Moonshine became her champion and earned the power to breathe underwater. Yeah, but I'm just dunking my head next portal I see showing it off whenever I can. They're gonna be really impressed with that at the crack. There's not a lot of water there. They love bucket. They love to stick their heads in buckets anyway. Oh, you can earn some brown leaves when a bucket contest.

Yeah, I'll take my bag. One go back to a bucket contest. You all want to do a bucket dunk? I got three brown leaves, says I can have a bucket you. The water Titan then offered to flood the landscape so that you could draw out the fire Titan from his volcano, but you first elected to spend an entire day flying so you could enjoy yourselves. No regrets. Yep, you gotta have a me day.

Hatshap, sorry, no sorry. The next day, moonshine retrieved the water Titan and she flooded the land drawing out the fire Titan. So that is where you guys are right now. You're all hovering. You guys can still fly because the air elemental, but the water underneath you in the flooded landscape is all boiling now. There's this massive being of pure fire wearing a full suit of black metal staring you down. This water looks like it's ready for a jambalaya. Yeah, and I see the perfect crawdaddy for it. Got a nice boil going.

Oh, you made the wrong choice, drawing me out. You fools didn't realize that fire is the most powerful of all the elementals, because I command the earth, for I control the molten stone. And you see a rock beast of molten rock form out of the water below and rise up and hover above it and I control the water for I can make it boil. You see the water boiling below you and then this steamy water elemental emerges and hovers and he says and I control the air because I can make it hot. Yes, you stumble across the finish line.

Yeah, you feel a gust of wind blow through you. Oh, hot gust of course, and then takes shape. How does it make our hair look? Real bad and sweaty. Oh, no. Not me. Okay, I would like to while he's doing this whole production. Mm- hands. Put my hands on my compatriots. Okay. And I'm gonna give protection from energy to young Beth. Oh. So you're gonna have resistance

to fire. And then I'm gonna give absorb elements to hardworn. And that means that you can absorb fire. This spell captures some of the incoming energy lessening. It's effect on you and storing it for your next melee attack. You have resistance to the triggering type of damage until the start of your next turn. Also, the first time you hit with a melee attack on your next turn, the target takes an extra one

d6 damage of that triggering type, and the spell ends. That's so good. I'm using the element against itself. And I feel like I'm in a very cold shower, which is nice. Yes. So moonshine is just subtly casting spells on you guys while he's giving this speech. And you see, I command all of the elements in a way, fire.

I miss your last part. What we use that you can tell is saying that the air is hot and thus I control the air and the monestone so I have the power of earth. So is this a riddle? I think the answer is man. Is the answer man? I do a polite clap. This is awesome work. I say, could the stay chance come out and bow because this production is... A-plush. Tough not.

He throws a fireball at you, everybody rolling this. Whoa! I want to go ahead and activate my sword. Cool. And when I activate my sword, I of course say the powering words, which are, Sun and Moon, Night and Day, defined to reality, power my blade, one is lonely, three is a team, but the power of two, she'll make my sword gleam.

And it glows green. Oh, young, that was beautiful. He pops you in the face real quick. Oh, nerd. I thought we were on the same page about production. You're a nerd, man. I can see your cue cards there. I can see, give a speech.

What? You can't see these. You're a fiery guy. You're full of passion. I get it. There's a whole team of teenagers dressed in all black running around carrying set-piece. Those two are clearly hooking up.

I told you to hide! Hide you fools! I love that he's a theater nerd. Oh no, I rolled a one. No! I got a twelfth, I got a ten. I still got plus three, so I got four. Cool, so the first thing that happens because everybody rolled so poorly

Including the NPCs is that a layer action happens You guys see this dude goes you didn't listen to my speech and now you'll never well This would be better if I made you deaf, but now you'll never see anything again And you see ash Explodes from his hand. Good to say, like, you didn't watch my speech or didn't pay attention. Ah, yes, you didn't watch my speech.

Do it now, the Ash is flying. Watch anything again. And that's better. You know, I'm glad we're workshop and you're a little show with you because I think it's gonna, you know. So you see Ash explode from his hand and flies at Beverly and Hard One one guys go ahead and give me

Constitution saving throws. All right. Don't forget about my Saving throw blow great. That's a 26 then. That's great. That's a good role. I got a three. Oh, no Really plus plus four so seven. Yeah, you had to be to 15. Well, you got protection. You got protection. I do have protection Resistance that you are still blinded you are blinded for a minute All right, you are blinded for a minute or at the end of your turn You have to be to DC 15 constitution saving throw. Okay cool. I like rub my eyes really hard. Yes exactly Right now the ashes in your eyes. You're rubbing it. you're making it worse. Don't touch it. It's everywhere Just blink doesn't look cool. Does it look like I have a smoky eye looks awesome, but okay, thank you

So old cob is just gonna shoot at you know what he'll shoot at the air guy I mean this is a guy right right? I can't, I can't tell. Looks like a guy made it. You have a champion of the air, introduce him. Oh yeah, that's right. He'll be in the air. Hey bitch, I'm the champion of the air. Yeah.

What's happening? Oh hell yeah, he hits twice. That's my cop. Seven damage total to this dude. To this air elemental. Does he shoot an air bullet at it? Just a regular bullet. He just shoots the air.

Oh, cop, just shot a tornado. Cool, cool, air. Old Cobb just shot a tornado. Cool, cool, cool. So these lesser elementals go now. You see the lesser air elemental throw up like a little ember at Old Cobb and then starts picking up like a cyclone and turns it into like a roaring flame. And Old Cobb's gonna do a dex throw to try to get out

and he does not. So he is going to take hard one what's happening? um we're winning babe we're winning! okay there's just a tiny little dust up nothing to worry about I'm gonna hold out my sword just spin me around and aim me at something that pokes me in the ass with the sword did I get him? did I get the guy?

you just hear it you hear hear Ol'Cob. I'm on fire in the earth, Ol'Cob! Everything's beachy, babe. Everything's good, he meets on fire, like I'm doing really well, like NBA Jam time. He's smell burning, elf flesh. He takes 15 damage. Oh no. Then this lesser, Earth elemental, this molten guy, is going to try to punch Beverly,

as he gets to finish on his attacks while he's blind, so Beverly's just looking around. Uh, oh, he rolled really poorly. He fucking missed. He swings and he misses, and Beverly comically turns at just the last second oh my zipper is undone Ducks under this earth elemental trying it's a button fly him Then the let's say the steaming water one is going to attempt to Move through moonshine moonshine give me a density saving throw to get out of the way you just see this boiling Little mini water elemental flying at you. Watch out for that hot woman moonshine.

Oh, no, I need to get out of the way, but holy hell. Well, I got myself a six. That's not gonna do it. If you just didn't make her so hot, maybe I'd move out of the way. You did that, yeah, you were slow on purpose. You are scalded for 13 damage. Smells like a sauna in here.

My dad took me to a sauna once. And that is Beverly's turn. Yeah. Oh boy. I passed out in there. It was so hot. All right, use it, Bev. I'm gonna cast protection from evil and good on hard one.

And that gives you advantage. I believe against elemental attacks. It gives them disadvantage. Yes, okay, cool, cool. Cool. And then I guess I just rub my eyes. Hey, go for it. Yeah, do a constitution saving throw. Hard one's gonna blow on Bev's eyes. Stop.

Sit still. Who's doing that? Bev's eyes. Yeah. Stop. Sit still. Who's doing that? It's me. Oh, scout master. I'm just, I'm a, I'm brushing lice out of his hair. I'm like, well, while we're working out and I saw those crowd around.

You're gonna need to kiss the ash out of my eyes. No. Is that something Jenny did? Are you giving him butterfly kisses? I think I got a lash in there. Uh, hmm. What is my concentration? Uh, that's gonna be a eight.

No. Okay, any time it's, hmm, what is my constitution? You failed. Hard one briefly considers kissing Bebs eyelids. That is actually your turn, hard one. If you like to kiss Bebs eyelids, you can. I'm gonna kiss my finger, rub it on Bebs Eyes, and then fly down to the...

You put them in the eye, Horrible. The Earth Elemental. Okay. Brother, I am your champion. Join me. I'm gonna just lava burst out of his mouth. Okay, I'm gonna swing my ass. I'm gonna swing it.

Obviously, camp. Brrrrr 19, that's a crit baby. That does hit nice. Crit's hit. Believe it or not, often. Crit's often hit. Crit's will hit. We ever had a crit not hit. Ooh, and I'm gonna re-roll that one baby.

And I got a 12 for the re-roll. Oh, Hell yeah. Oh! Plus 11. Oh, it's 12 to 3. Hell yeah. There's another one. I'm gonna reroll that.

Fuck up this buddy. But there's another 12. What? That's 35 and then plus. Jeez. Yeah. Plus 6 is 41. What?

You almost kill him. He's so hurt. Laura is showing her frackled face tonight. You axe into this guy. You cut off half of him and he gets even smaller I wanted to fight with you brother. Oh, no, I blow another kiss to Bev's eyelids and I take my second attack hard one It sounds like you're losing are you okay? I'm not losing dude open your up mooch on unblind him That's I'm glad I can't see you. We've embarrassed yourself like this.

It's a 26 to hit. Yes, that hits. Ooh. He's gonna own a dude. Nine. Nine. Yeah. He's barely alive.

I'm not gonna take. I'm not gonna use my action search then. You could. You could use your movement. You can hit once and hit another guy if you want. All right, great. Then I'm doing that. Are you with him? Wait, is he getting smaller with every hit?

Yes, he's a... So how tall is he right now? He's teeny, he's cute. I'm starting to use my throwing axes. He can punch people and set them on fire. I said, not 20. What? For Christ's sake, Jesus.

Oh, Laura, the light shines between the gap in your tea. Honestly, Mr. Elemental, that was just such an inspiring show that you put on. That's all. We're doing tempest next season in Hill Home if you want to part. I reroll ones in twos, but if I roll a two on the reroll, he is literally at 1 HP.

You're not, since you guys are flying around, you're not near anyone else, you're not going to be able to cleave, but you just own him so hard, finish him. All right, great. Oh! I'm gonna chop him, chop him half with my big axe, then switch to my throwing axe, and chop him a little further down to an ember

where I finally just smudge him out with my like a beautiful, and I apologize like I'm crushing an ant. I'm sorry, little guy. You insulting to the flame. Hard one, did you kill his son? I sure did. Nice. That was my son Jeremy.

He was a good boy. Hard one, that was amazing. I remember showing you about to throw fireballs. You didn't show him that well. So yeah, now I have a second action, right? So you still have your movements, and you have one more attack, because you're actually just using your movements

to try to do a split, because you're on a roll right now. So I'm gonna try to do a split, and then as I do a split, throw a throwing axe at the air in elemental, that's fighting your cop. Okay, cool. Okay. That is, well my throwing axe is, yeah, that's a 25-bit.

Okay, is there a reason you're throwing a throwing axe? Uh, because I wanted to do a split. Okay cool. Would you let me do a split and then launch into a regular texture? Yeah, I can. Alright, great. Then I'll use my real life. Just let my man fan down.

So I went up, so actually instead of putting out the ember with my split. You're in the air, right? You're doing a split. I just did a split onto the ember with my foot, you're doing a split. I just did a split onto the ember to crush it with my crotch. Okay. Disrespecting Jeremy, not honoring his life. And then I come out of the split and I fly towards the air and elemental. My god damn man, van dam.

That's 10 damage. 10 damage, Jesus. Okay. Yeah, you do a a split you put out a fire with your crotch and then you swing an axe through some hot air had you do a good job no Jeremy that was a fun turn for me oh that split got me the nip. I'm crying from that. Merf said that he made this encounter harder before we started. I mean, it doesn't get harder because you guys have been such fucking dickheads.

Then I killed it all. I killed it all the way. Yeah, I don't... The challenge rating on the eats are supposed to be like, you know, this fight is supposed to be really hard. Well, you know what? You guys haven't even fought the big guy yet. That's true. It's the big guys turn okay? You killed Jeremy and you swung on my Janice Jeremy and Janet oh hard when you killed him with my penis. Yeah You got to show me how to do that

So he's got two flaming simitars. He flies at you hard one He takes his first swing and he rolls it too. Shout out to the two crew. I'm still emotional. Goddamnit, he rolls it three. I'm so upset. I just wanted to still be dodging doing splits. And he does. Yeah, you're just doing splits

through the air, bouncing up and down as he swings on you. Crazy, because usually when you have a ton of muscles, you're not flexible and your legs are so muscular. He's been the day off working on my hip flexing. Oh, liver. Jesus, he rolled a freaking one for damage, so he only got a five total damage. Shut up.

He has a flame strike ability. Who uses it next time? Is he so emotional that he's crying? I don't let tears out. Looks like there's a little volcano having it from your eyes. There's a tiny little volcano here. I love my little triplets. That is Moonshine Stern.

All right, then, I'm just gonna do a third level ice knife. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because I did talk that shit because I know Fired doesn't like ice Try and tell me who likes it. That's right. I'm gonna melt the ice and turn it into water, which I don't like either Yeah, good. So is that is that I make a range spell attack on a hit he takes one detain piercing damage hit or miss Of the shard explodes the target creature in each creature within five feet of the point where the ice exploded must save, must succeed on a dexterity saving throw or take 2D6 cold damage, but this would be 4D6 cold damage if you're doing it at third level.

Okay, he's also near the air elemental because he charged it hard. That's what I was hoping. He's near Janice for the elemental. My children, my triplets. I'm not gonna fucking hit! Triplets, I must be a real handful. It was. It was. It was a 10 hit. That 10 does notplets. I'm not gonna fucking hit! Triplets, I must be a real handful. It was. It was.

It was a 10 hit. A 10 does not hit. I feel bad. But it explodes, right? Oh, yeah! Yeah! Woohoo! Woohoo!

You just read it! This is why the podcast should be on video because your face just went from like completely crestfallen to so little. Now what, they needed your dexterity, Sammy Thurrs? Yeah. Okay, go ahead and roll the damage and I will roll their dex throws so big big daddy passes little baby oh no fails 15 okay 15 I say big daddy No. No? I'm sorry. What is that? Is it ruined their day a little bit?

It's I. Got it a little bit, right? Did you... It's just ruined my day a little bit. I'm sorry. Do you know this is called ice knife? Yes. Yes.

Yes, it would be ice. I mean, you're still wearing armor. Okay. Now I can get revenge with my layer action. Oh boy. This is so dirty. Okay. No. So, um, Beverly, while you're blinded,

you automatically fail ability checks that require sight. Nice. Nice. Um, one of his lair actions, you see the big fire elemental daddy guy hold a hand up and point a finger under Beverly, and you see in the boiling water underneath a glowing orange orb suddenly appears and there's an explosion from underneath him as a geyser of boiling hot water comes up and our boy bev. Are there any orbs near me? Jesus, just think about it as a really hot bidet. Or like a colonic.

I just have my annual colonic though. You never have too many colonics, Bev. This is good for you. 22 damage. She's a good high, Jean. Oh. Think of all the moat that's coming out of there. I just grew those butt hairs.

Scalding hot water goes all over Bev as he's blinded. While hard one is just having the time of his life, that is Old Cobbs turn. Old Cobbs just gonna take two shots at this air elemental. Old Cobbs got a mission. Screw you, Janice. I'm taking you to hell with me. Yeah.

No, she's just a baby. Kill Janice, Cobb. Either he hits her twice. I just wanna say, fire daddy, I respect you raising these kids on your own. I tried my best, their mother left a long time ago. Oh no. Oh, Malora.

I wonder why. Yeah, I got to think you could prevent it that. I'm too passionate. O'Cob only does five damage even with two attacks. Oh no. He doesn't have a magic weapon. What can he do? Ah, you know.

Actually, you know what, he'll use another one of his detens. And he does another four damage. This air elemental is super messed up. Janice, no! Ha! That is the mini elemental's turns. Hard one, this little air elemental Janice shoots a little ember onto you.

Then whips around it and turns it into this burst of fire. Where's your birthday armo? Roll a dexterity sandwich roll, but with advantage because of Bev's spell. Appreciate ya, my little birthday present. Who said that? Was that you hard one? That is a 24.

24, you successfully save, but you do take half damage. So you take just the air damage, not the fire damage. You take 10 damage. I take half damage. Hmm. So you take, you take just the air damage, not the fire damage. You take 10 damage. I take 10 damage. Yes. Cool. She rolled very high on her damage,

so it's good that it was halfed. Okay, that is now the steam- Moon Shines turn. Hot water elemental turn. It's Moon Shines turn to be attacked. It is Moon Shines turn to be attacked. Indeed, let's see if she gets her thing back. She doesn't.

Wait, what's this element's name? Oh, you don't know yet. I haven't told you. Jamie, Janice. Please tell me her name. I've got to think, Janice. Jocelyn. It's got to be Jocelyn.

Just give me a bit of something. It's JoJo. JoJo. JoJo. JoJo swings and makes it so fun. Oh, bizarre. You raised these kids really poorly. Really good mood time bizarre. He did his best Very good. Very good. Everyone had fun. Bad that is you love that reference. I'm just gonna go ahead and keep

Chucking out helping spells. Okay. I call support spells helping spells I'm gonna another helping of the helping spell. I'm gonna cast aid on everyone Helping spells. I'm gonna need another helping of the helping spells. I'm gonna cast eight on everyone. Ooh. Which, as you recall, your hit points and hit point maximum go up by five. Ooh, I'm taking.

That's great. Dang y'all. And since I can't see what I'm doing, I kinda just spin around in the air and I guess kind of just strings of spelled goop just kind of like exude from me. So like try and fall into the radius of room. All right, Beth, go ahead and rub your eyes.

All right, cool. Here we go. It's really in there. If you rub them hard enough, you can see fireworks. It's really fun. Still blind? Your voice still blind. This is another episode where Beth was blind for most of the time.

It's very much like the Ezra episode where you just knocked out the whole time. You keep falling asleep. They have very susceptible to ash and sleeping gas. That is hard one's turn. Hard one, you're up in the mix with this very hurt, air elemental and big daddy, big fire daddy.

Sweet, you know what? I think, yeah, no, it's fun to kill his children in front of them. I'm just swinging it over. Genesis, the smartest one. Don't do it. Genesis is the deadest one. 25. That hits.

Believe it or not? 17. She's gone. No. Give it up for Janice. Does the fire elemental cry actual tears? And could we make him cry so hard at the death of his children that he would take damage from his own tears?

Could he extinguish himself? No, no, no, no. I wrote all of your questions. I think I presented a pretty sound. What's your codec? You're right, he's dead. You're all a little sad. Cool., okay. You're right, he's dead, you're all a little... Yay! Cool, yeah, you killed this, uh, finisher.

Great, I cut, cut, cut until she's nice and small and I do a split and quench her little air with my crotch. Oh! You've extinguished the flame of my life. Sorry, I did a split and I think I tuted it a little bit. Hard water, squeaker. Did you learn this all as Shay's yoglottis? Yeah, you know what, she's really open about my hip flexors. I'm flamed with my life. Sorry, I did a split and I think I tuted it a little bit. Hard one is quicker. Did you learn this all as Shay's yoglati? Yeah, you know what?

She's really open about my hip flexors. Oh. You son of a bitch! I'm gonna swing my axe at him. I get another one. Yeah, go for it. Yeah, you got another axe. That is essentially listening to this podcast.

That's the same. That's not 20. That's not the same. Hard one's big day. This is, I cannot wait for that dude that does the NADPOT stats to do this episode. Oh. Hard one's big squat and adventure. My God.

Yeah, it's all in the legs, it really is. Yeah. I like that you fight with an axe and you also do splits. You're just really all split themed. 31. Jesus! That hurts him. That hurts him a lot.

He's a lot stronger than his children, but that hurts. You limber son of a bitch. My hard heart's worse than anything your axe could ever do. Oh, he's starting to cry. He's getting steamy. Stop. You can't see anything. You're lying. I can smell the vapor. Yeah, I can just hear the sizzle of your teeth. Yeah. Smoke coming out all over his face.

That is his turn. He gets this advantage on a tax against hard one, right? Yeah. All right. Oh, I'm in his head. Yeah. You are. You're in my head, you son of a bitch.

He starts to, he's not going to disengage. You get an attack of opportunity. He's going to fly away from you. He's going to try to get disengage. Yeah, he's not gonna disengage, you get an attack of opportunity, he's gonna fly away from you. He's gonna, wait, he's gonna try to get disengage. Yeah, he's gonna go after Beverly. Oh, alright, yeah, I'm gonna take the opportunity attack. Cool. Oh, because it isn't smart for him to go, because of-

Yeah, it's a bad idea. That was a 20, not Nat. Not Nat, yes, they'd hit. Woo! 16 damage. He was in her pieces, shit. Super hurt. I loved your play, though. 10 piece of shit. Super hurt. I loved your play though.

10 out of 10 would see again. He's gonna use his fiery strikes this time. Mont Bev gets advantage because he's blind. The fire, the Bev has resistance to fire. It's true. Oh shit. And he just rolled a five in a one. Yeah, he missed his one time.

I'm still emotional. You think that fire would be anger, but it's just passing. It's just everything Yeah, you're feeling too many feeling I'm gonna kill you kid My god, I wrote so bad he wrote 18 that time that still doesn't do it right are you 19? Yep 19 god damn it. Why you're really you should bubbling up to the surface 11 and a two that time one more That time you did it. Oh 19 exactly good for you know what good for you I was rooting for yeah the fireman comment one should get one good one in person of a wick

That time he did 16 damage That's a little bit. That time he did 16 damage. You probably have. You're the best. You're resisting. God damn it. You take eight. Eight.

Fuck you guys. Fuck you. That looked like it really fucked him up. Flashback. Flashback. Just me saying it. Not the monster. Just fuck you guys.

Flashback to Murfless night. Planning this out. Being like, ah, I'll make more monsters. Moonshot, it's your turn. Okay, I'd like to turn to this viral mental, and I say, you know the greatest thing that haven't children? I eat so many things. Seeing them in you, seeing the way that, seeing them smile, seeing them learn something new.

It's watching them grow. And then I point down to JoJo and I create and I cast title wave on the water to attack him. Okay, cool. As the water rises, I put a crawfish in there. It boils instantly, brown stuff comes out. Mm, that's part of the fish. He has to make a dexterity saving throw.

On a failure, he takes forward the bludgeoning damage and is knocked prone on a success. He digs half damage. Okay. It also extinguishes unprotected flames in its area. Okay. He has water susceptibility. All it says is that if he moves through water,

he does one D4 cold damage. But that's weird. It doesn't say anything about what should happen if he's hit by water. So I'll just say you can add another D8 to your damage to him, but he failed. He failed. Whoa, that's five D8s.

So you basically engulfed his daughter in water and turned the title way of against him. So his daughter is essentially like trying to drown him. He has a water daughter. You got it. JoJo, no, my little water daughter. That water daughter just did just 17 and you're not prone. Oh wow.

Knocked prone in the air. Ah! Alright, that is back to layer action. And this fire elemental goes, you, which you knocked me over and turned my daughter against me. Those are the things I'm mad about in that order. I don't know, maybe she's a teenager. She might just be rebelling on her own.

Or maybe I'm a powerful witch in the champion of the ocean. Who knows? I honestly didn't see her cast a spell spell I think your daughter hates you but I didn't see it either don't say that he throws ash at your eyes go ahead and roll out dexterity saving through all of us no just more giant 15 15 saves you are not blinded you fly out of the way oh tough luck you're blinded. You fly out of the way. Oh tough luck. You're blinded too, huh? Can I save by doing a split? Yes, I do. You do a split under the ash.

It comically hits his daughter in the face. Oh honey, I'm sorry. Oh, sorry. Maybe beautiful. Maybe beautiful child. I'm sorry for ashing you. That is old cops turn Ash by your dad rough day water daughter gets ash by her dad He rolls a five and a two on his two attacks. He just he shoots all cop accidentally just shoots the sea He shoots, O'Cott back his memory just shoots the sea. Just, he's over here.

Oh, there's water everywhere, man. It's huge. She's huge, she's all over the place. I'll say that about his daughter, man. Cobb is clean in house, it sounds like. It is water, daughter's turn. Let's see if water, daughter can get her ability back and she does.

Jojo's the water, daughter. So this Sizzlin water, daughter is gonna try to go through a moonshine, gonna try to scalder. I put my lips out for kids. Okay, she tries to kiss you and squalts your face. Go ahead and roll a dick, start already saying that. The water daughter is gonna scalder.

Not quite a wrap. Edit that out, Murr. That's good. That's some M&M stuff. 13, you're safe. You do save. That's some M&M stuff. 13 is safe. You do save. I do. Yeah, you save.

Hell yeah. She's got a better, a worse save than her five. I turn to the fire all mental and I say, your daughter's coming on me, but don't worry, I will buff her advances. She still turns into water and splashes you a bit. You take half. Okay. For, you take five damage.

Can you say that again on the other left? That is Beverly's turn. Can I do? So blind. I love that it is it is like you're an actual little kid though with something in his eye because you're just like rubbing it in worse. I think at this point at this this point, I've accidentally flipped upside down, and I do not know which way is up or down anymore. You're afraid to fly, because you might just like go straight into some boiling water and die.

Yeah, you know what, I guess I'll just kind of go wild. I'll just start spinning and trying aim for whatever I can. Yeah, the water dotter is there, and Fire Daddy is also there. I'm just gonna aim for the warmest thing around Okay, so big fire daddy is the warmest when I was little I went to a sauna with my dad and I saw a guy there and he had really big testicles

And I was worried that when I got older my testicles would be big and that I would have to carry them around in a wheelbarrow But it turns out that he just had a sickness and well, I don't know what the point of the story is, but ah! A nice lie, sorry. Every day, Bev. Every day, stuff and new. You remind me of Jeremy. God bless this little young man. I feel like Jeremy and I would have really gotten along. That's 21.

21? Yeah. With disadvantage? I forgot to roll again. Roll it to disadvantage. 12. No, you swing around wildly while you're blind, you do not hit okay, but it was a good story That much that has to duck and do another

Actually hard one they're pretty easy The elemental chaos making them easier. I think it's just our yeah our bodies got bandy out here Oh, yeah, I forgot about my second attack. I'm a little disoriented be careful about splits in the creek There's a lot of bugs get crawled up there. It's a 11 11 plus eight No, just 11 11 total that does not hit okay swing wildly moonshine once again News you do another split to not get hit while the now Ben go ahead and rub them eyes Rub them beatie little eyes

Laura someone get this guy with touching the eyes. the eyes. I'm gonna roll my rub dice. Oh, 14 plus. What's my costume? You're good, you save. Yeah, all you have to do is 15. Can we say that he did that annoying thing that kids do where they flip their in their eyelid inside out? Oh, I hate that.

Gross. Yeah, he's got those little red things out. Oh, yeah. He has his flipped inside his eyes. I pull out some viseine eyedrops. Okay. Hey, oh wow, everyone's dead. Yeah, you missed a lot.

Yeah, you did a young babe. That's hard to answer. That was all you. Honestly, it was very fun listening to you. It was a very entertaining audio drama. Oh, interesting. I'd recommend it to my friends. I'm reading a fopsie.

Read and subscribe, hon. Appalites. I would apply up to this elemental and say, I'm gonna do you the honor of killing you before you have to watch your third daughter die. Thank you, which a parent elemental should not bury his 14 probably doesn't hit. 14 does not hit, but I'm gonna use one of my luck points and reroll that okay

and 24 probably does hit that does hit 15 damage cheese us He's right hurt No father should have to watch his daughter be quälched Take my second attack. Goddamn, that's an 18 plus 27. Yes, that hits.

Oh, you're all good. I just, just this episode. She take these dice to a witch. She freaking chained it. 11. 11 damage? You wash your dice. He's still alive, but super hurt.

Ah, I might get to watch my daughter die after all. I'm sorry, I feel a dde. A little boy. That is sorry I feel a boy. Uh, that is the fire elementals turn. Okay, so hard one's got advantage against him. I guess he'll just keep swinging on Beverly, even though Beverly is not gonna get it. Oh, wow, I see him now. He's really big.

Yes, I'm terrified. We were far away before. At this point, nobody's scared of me anymore. He's a grieving father. He's no threat. I honestly just want to hug you, pal. Your eyes are so red like mine. Have you been crying?

No. Eight damage on the first hit, Bev. Takes a second swing. Well, half a bit, right? Half a good damage for. He does hit on the second attack though. Half of 10-so-5 takes a third attack. Any misses?

Okay. I'm at 22 HP just a heads up. Oh I can heal you. That is Moonshine's turn. Don't say it like that. Oh I can heal you. Okay. All right.

I go straight. I blind myself. I go straight and I put my hands on his eyes and I cure wounds for a... Let's do second level. If you own second level, let's do second level. Ooh, does it clear up my bloodshot eyes? Oh yeah. Wow, you're like Ben Stein himself.

15. 15. Thank you. 15 HP. Wow. So you guys are all gathered in now and he goes, haha, you're all gathered in now And you see another one of these orange orbs yep here in the water below you guys You said to be your plan losing all of your children

It was all worth it steam We totally filled it up your trap. We all hold hands like in the Toy Story According to plan We're gonna to die. We might as well die together as a family, because we're all still here. Don't rub it in. Roll the X-Terry saving throws.

You guys get a Baps plus four. I got a 23. I got a 19. 10. OK, even with a plus four? Yeah. That's bad. This geyser goes up.

Don't let it get in your eyes. Boiling hot water comes up 9, 10, 15, 17, 20 damage. Bev and moonshine take half. Hard one you take the full 20. Ow, wee, your daughter is hot. Okay. Ol' Cobb says, Water Daughter,

we're like, dead water daughter. Yeah, okay. Oh, Cobb, cool it, buddy. Cobb still got it. No, you know what, fuck this guy. It's a little fierce. I don't like him.

He only does, he does three damage because it's all rounded down. On the water daughter? On the water daughter. First time she was hit. Oh, well. That is water daughter, sir. All right, cool. cool water daughter. Let's see if she gets her thing back She doesn't so she's just gonna take a boiling hot slap at moonshine

She tries to boil slap you and Mrs. Why are you slapping me? I'm not the one getting fresh It's okay Jojo. Don't get frustrated Boyle, Slapia, and Mrs. Why are you slapping hit? That does not hit. You hit his armor. Oh nice, great armor. I just wanted to test to make sure that it was as strong as it looks. Thanks, every once in a while, people hit it. Who got you this armor? Was it a father's they give? Oh, absolutely brutal.

I kind of missed my dad, so I'm taking it out on you. Hey, it's okay, do you want to be my son? Sorry, I've already got up dad. James Ballnor. You got two. Yeah, I've got two great dads one of them strong one of them Two dads that's terrible terrible for me to hear wait a minute. You could be my third hot dad That's a 21 21 hits, okay. Oh, I'm gonna cast this at second level So that's 3d8. How bout it, huh? Geez.

That's 17. Plus your normal damage. Plus my normal damage. That do your normal attack. 9 plus 17 is 26. Jesus. Yeah, Beverly. Finish fire, daddy.

I close my eyes. Okay. Ah. Ah. And, I spin around and I do my trademark, uh, Dizzy Bevy. Okay. Dizzy, dizzy, dizzy. I love a Dizzy Bevy, the plane out at the creek. Yeah, everybody do that.

Yeah, shout out. Everybody do that, Dizzy Bevy. So then we get in a circle around Bevy and sort of spin it like a washing machine. You spin him like a top, Beverly slices through the sky, and he goes, water daughter, let me see you one last time. And he looks at his daughter, and he says, run now, run my child. And you see, she just joins the rest of the city.

I wrote through the next that I heard. She explodes. I gel touch her. You guys brutally kill water daughter in front of him. How you know what? She's gonna be so sad without him, might as well. He did her a service. He completely dissipates.

You guys feel the area around you cool. And the water stops boiling. I did my toe in. I just got to soak it. Yeah. I penciled out. You guys penciled out into the water. I turned off the flight first. I can just cannonball in.

Oceans just want to make bathtub. I say, well, your champion has returned. I feel like I definitely earned this fire element. Yay. You did. I got that killing shot, that's true. Yeah, so you guys are hot tubbing it right now. Oh yeah.

And then you do see this little flicker of fire appear. And this guy goes, well, you've sufficiently quelled my passion and my rage. Who is it that's fire burns brighter than mine? Who wishes to wield the power of flame and become my little boy? And become my son. I hold up my finger and say, it is I! But then I realize I'm not facing him,

because I've still got a little ash in my eye Turn around, oh, oh Hi, I've never at least had underwater How much better I will accept your flame I already hold the flame of pellor in my heart And I will add your fire to its bright white blazing glory. I don't know what that means But I appreciate this you want to be my dad or not? I do want to be your dad get over here kiddo. All right. I hug my new dad new hot dad

This is making me rethink my relationship with uh with the ocean. I love my hot dad Beverly runs up and hugs this teeny little ember in the air. I kiss my new hot dad Beverly kisses his hot dad, and suddenly Beverly bursts into flames. Oh no! You see, his skin melts off. Oh. And beneath it is this glowing red being

of pure fire and rage. I'm really flippin' pissed. Beverly, you feel a deep anger burning within you, but you feel in complete control of it, and you let out a mighty laugh. Bev, what's the mighty laugh sound like? Tee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee around him and finally Beverly's appearance returns to normal but Bev you feel stronger than before you can add one to strength. How's my acne looking? Oh your acne clear is right up. Are you knowing what it looks like? It looks like after you

put a lot of cream on it and it's kind of dry. You've essentially been like a fucking clear still clear. Babe you use an acutane? Be careful. Yeah, it's really messy with my moon. Yeah, bev is on acutane. That's an avid. That's what you should do. She's got your sword. He's angry and dry.

He's no longer greasy. So you can have fun to strength. Ooh, you are now resistant to fire damage forever. Hell yeah. Oh. All this, seeing them get along so chummy. Moonshot and Star and regret that she and the water elemental didn't hit it off better. So I'd like to just dive down and knock on her door, try and repair this relationship.

You take almost a full half hour to get down there to this temple. She's just sitting in her quarters again. You saw the puzzle again. You go down. Ah, who has challenged me? The queen of- oh, hello? Um, I don't know I absolutely don't. I hold my arms up. I hold my arms up for hug. I, okay, I'll give you one last hug if you promise to leave. Okay, I hold it. Okay, she hugs you. I take her by the shoulders and I'm like

I'm glad we did this. I'm really glad we did this my champion. I feel it. I feel the power of the sea going through you Yeah, I think we needed this. Well, I'll see you later, right? Oh, mom, you are something else. Probably have to get going. Probably have to get going, don't ya? I didn't get any food in the fridge. I don't eat. Oh, by the way, I got all this laundry.

Can I just do it here real quick? I'm gonna, just for the record you can breathe underwater, but for now which he clicks and suddenly you can't breathe underwater I love you mom Seriously swim back up Hard one is like moonshine you were gone for an hour I'm so sorry. I just I guess the fact that we're in this time vacuum made me feel frivolous about the use of time. The hot tub's been fine.

But good news is, water elemental has agreed to let me call her mom. That's huge. That's great. So I got, I got a meme on them all. You know what? Some people say that a family's one mom and one dad. But that's not true. It can be as many dads or moms as you want. I have no mom and no dad and you have three dads Sounds fair to me. Hey, but you got that uncle, huh? Yeah, that seemed to mean something

I would say that the big one. Go ahead, it's the rock! I don't know. The whole cop just goes, Jemma! And he just says, Okay, I'll ask him on my way out too. Jemma! Jemma! This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts,

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promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants, and enjoy the show. I'm gonna sleep in a big fire bed with my dad. Alright kiddo, let's, uh, we can say we play a little ball, huh? Uh, yeah, I play some catch with my fire dad. It only feels like a second.

Yeah, Bev stays for another full day. I really get catch with my fire dad. It only feels like a second. Yeah, Bev stays for another full day. I feel like he gets to know his fire dad. I spend an entire week with my fire dad, which I guess would only be like, how many minutes in a row? It'd be like a couple hours. Okay. The bug's creeping in.

Sorry. No, no, no. Another frog came up comes and we have to quell it. Yeah, I say Gemma with a J. Okay. You guys all suddenly, you shoot up and you're back at the crib. You see Mimah, the old folks in Ballonora watching it dutifully over you. Here's the thing, you guys are just as beat up as you just were.

Oh. So you guys, you guys are a little bit fucked up. And you hear me, ma'am, oh, welcome back. How's your nap? Restortive. Ballinor, did you put on more clothes? Yes, I put my t-shirt back on, because I figured the ceremony was over. I remember.

For some mosquitoes that came near you, I hope I wasn't out of line by smacking them off of you. Oh, Boundar, do you get out those little belts that people wear on their calves to keep their socks off? I absolutely do. Yeah, Boundar is wearing his socks. Hard one can't help but notice that Munchine has a lot of mosquito bites. Boundar, where were you on? Well, I felt uncomfortable. That, yeah, it's just right here in my top shelf. Boundar, I woke up and I've been rolled over. Is there a reason for that? You know what, kiddo, we're just not going to my top shelf. Bound, all right, woke up and I've been rolled over. Is there a reason for that? You know what, kiddo, we're just not gonna talk about that

from anyone, are we? No, we're not. Yeah, can you give me some pants? Yeah, everybody puts their clothes back on and Uma goes, well, I've done just about all I can do for you. I don't know if it's enough to defeat Maribel, but it's your best shot.

Tonight we'll have a big feast for you all. We'll send you off tomorrow morning if you're still up to the task. Of course we are. Mima, can I run something by you real quick? Absolutely, young and... Ah, I've got something that's really needle in me and that's that.

We're in this elemental chaos all these Darn elementals were immune to poison and I'm worried that Mirabelle is gonna have the same situation Tell you what young and you call on the elements in your time of need and they'll provide Hmm, I see me ma okay, she wings at you. I still like that rope idea, right? It's good. The rope idea Yeah, mom goes mother. It is in advisable to use that we're kidding around mom. Oh, jeez. I'll tell you never wake in your possum Hey, keep it light mama. Keep it light hard one bows before mom A true warrior. My queen. It's good to see you again, my champion.

You didn't become anyone else's champion, did you? I own the earth, but I own it for you, mom. All I do, I do for mom. I kiss you on the forehead. I want to go over to Balnor. Oh, the kiss of a possum. I'm supposed to make you Viral. I've never heard that.

I go over to Balnor and I turn his shirt around because it was inside out and backwards. Oh, thanks, Kills. The V was on the back. He's under shirts, you know, you worry about the breastplate, but sometimes you put the old t-shirt on backwards. Yeah, they don't have the tagging on them. They don't have the tags anymore.

Yeah. I can't help but notice that somebody else's initials are sewn onto the shirt. Oh, weird. I remember my name being Balnor, but wait, you just see a thousand yard stare. Balnor! Who am I? This side where you want in this other love.

I don't, I truthfully, I don't really remember anything. Balnor. Suddenly you guys hear a crick young and young and me-ma! Me-ma! Somebody here! Somebody's saying they can cure crick-rot!, somebody saying they can cure Crick-Rot. Somebody saying they can cure Crick-Rot. That's big.

Run towards the young end. Mima goes, oh, some traveling creature or something. Is it a dang known? Is it? And somebody says it's a big one, it's a big man, it's a human, it says he can cure Crick-Rot. Okay, I mean, Run towards the young end.

You can Crick-Rot, I'm running towards it. I'm running towards it. I'm running towards it. Okay, we're all running towards the youngins. Yeah. Mima kind of waves you guys off. But do you guys all run towards the youngins? Yeah. Yeah, we'll check this out. Cool.

So you guys see all of these crick-elves are gathered around the fire by the grandma tree. And they're all looking up at this man who's standing atop the speaking stump. He's a human. He's like a young, energetic, charismatic man, handsome with short blonde hair. His name is Salad.

He's dressed in a priest's outfit wearing a long white robe, but with a wholly symbol dangling, the golden sword symbol, the symbol of the chosen. And you guys see around him are about five chosen knights. What's the freaking heck? And he speaks and he goes, Friends, I am brother Albrecht. Now I am here to tell you that there is a cure for your suffering. Only the lights can break this terrible curse that has afflicted your people. My traveling companions and I here are members of a group called the Chosen.

We worship the only God who lives on our mortal plane and takes care of her people. The name of this one true God is the Allah and she loves you whether or not you know it yet. Step forward, one of you who is afflicted and I will cure you by the Allah's lights. Hard one throw the head at him. Oh shit, I do have glad to have all these stories. You guys would also know that the Crick Alps don't really know who the chosen are. They're pretty disconnected from the rest of the outside world. So they've probably heard some rumors about what's going on in Glatoron but they

don't really know the powers that are at play there like to them the ol' being in charge or the boy king they don't really know because they're not officially aligned with anyone like cooter was going to the city to you know get his people healed but he was just going to see the nice priests there he didn't really know the boy king. Right, exactly. Yeah, no one's been to the knees. Well, it's an anarchy here down on the creak. You see the creak folk are getting excited.

They're like, I said no, I'm not gonna do that. I step forward, I step forward, and I say, you know, that's crazy because I've been feeling a little itchy. I wonder if I'm getting sick. He looks you up and down. Well, young lady, you look completely healthy.

Do you have crick-rott? Yeah, thanks so, yeah. Where are the scabs? How, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, to step up? Okay, I turn around on the crowd and I said, no one is following for this. I don't like this guy. Hey, let him show us. Let's see what he can do. Young and no one.

You're playing. Hard one shoves the guy off the stone. Yeah, yeah. And he places moonshine on the stone. Brother Albrecht goes, wow, shoving an official representative of the city of Galatoran. Some might call that an act of hostility from the Crick. I thought you guys were known for your hospitality.

But... Alright, we're gonna go after the hospitality. Hey, you love being a very hospitable Moonshine. What are you doing? We got in that man. He says he's gonna cure Crick real quick. You know, this is the problem with those Cricks. We trust every travel traveling wizard over each other

Everyone go home But I want to say if they what we got visitors Moonshan Okay, it sounds like they really want all right, you know what fine Fine, this is an anarchy and right now it's behaving like Anarchy I believe in communal anarchy and right now it's behaving like we're not leaving anarchy I believe in communal anarchy. I'm curious too actually. Let's see if this guy can cure Crick-Rot.

All right. Yeah. But just know, if you hurt one of these afflicted folk, we will turn on you so quick you will be replacing the crawdaddy in the boil tonight. Yeah, that's right. We'll turn on you. Yeah. You're going to go into timeout back, bitch.

Just as well, not planning on hurting anyone, just here to spread my message of the light. All right, I really, really slowly get off the stump. Like, really slowly and petulently. We're sitting in front row. I like kick a little dirt onto the stump, but I'm like, all right. Our arms are all crossed.

I'm not for you. Show me what you got. All right, let's give it up for your sister here. Right. Yeah, moon job. I'm like moon job. Okay, moon job super hard. I'm like moon job super hard.

Okay, moon job super hard. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Where they teach you how to clap. I only ever swung pickaxes at rock. So you see brother Albrick goes, obviously I do not have the power of the god herself, but I do have a scroll here that can demonstrate for you what she is capable of.

Son why don't you come up here and you see he points to Kudur, who has like minor crick-rod. He just has some scabs and he goes, me, will, I mean, I'm trying to help other people. I don't know, I feel like then you're exactly the one that I should be helping, brother. Let's give it up for, for, what is your name, son?

My name's Kudur. Kudur. Everyone starts cheering for, Kudur. Kudur's not. I don't got Kudur So my name's Kudar. Kudar. Everyone starts cheering for Kudar. Kudar's not. I would love Kudar. Kudar too. You like Kudar. I mean, it's like you missin' half the time.

It's like one time. I'm not connected. Hand onto the hand. Kudar takes out the wood block. The boy is to make that smack sound. He's so coordinated with that woodblock, though. You see Kooter joins brother Albrick up on the stump and brother Albrick pulls out a scroll and begins reading.

You see his eyes go back as he speaks in tongues until finally there's a bright flash of light. You hear all of the crisco. The scroll disappears and when your vision comes back, There's a bright flash of light. You hear all of the criss-go. The scroll disappears. And when your vision comes back, you guys see the scabs just fall off cooter. Can I make a religion check to see if I can infer, like, yeah, go for how this is working? Yep.

Cool. Still tired from my hug with my hot dad. That's a three Ash in your eyes still. Yeah, it's a six total, but three six total You can't totally tell I mean it's obviously a spell scroll. Yeah, so he's a Missionary of the a la has some kind of powerful spell. Okay from her So Everyone looks at this and starts cheering like crazy. Oh, he just say, he just cured Kudr. And Kudr just goes, I feel, well, I feel like dancing.

And Kudr just starts hopping up on the stump and dancing around and everybody's cheering. And this guy speaks up and he goes, the chosen have reclaimed Galatoran from the evil boy king. And now there is a place in the city of God for all of you. Join us. Together we will ride to Galatoron and God herself will heal you all. And you hear a bunch of people being like, ah, well we're gonna, we can't leave the creek, but you hear a couple people are like clapping and cheering. Hey, we gotta do what we gotta do. We gotta leave the crick. This is the only person that's been able to heal us. Hey, can you, you got any more of those scrolls?

I'm sorry, that was the only one I had, but if anyone wants to come with me to go later on, we'll get you healed right up. All right, it's our turn on the stuff. Hold on, yeah. Push him off. Let's think, hey, everybody, it's me. Hey, Hardware!

Hardware, sure, but that's right. You're like, yes, everybody give it up for Hardwood. You see that she was a tall clav. They full their arms. Now, why would the olive be the one person that could cure crick-rot? If the olive wasn't the one person that caused crick-rot, you hear from the crowd, hey, why would the olive,

why would the olive make crick-rot? Why would the olive make crick-Rot. You hear from the crowd, hey, why did the all of, why would the all of make Crick-Rot? Why would make the all of make Crick-Rot? Okay, young ins and petries, get around. Okay. It's the story stuff now. You're brother Albrick. That's ridiculous.

She's a cleric. She did not curse all of these people. Why would I be healing people of Crick-Rot if if she wants to take out the Crick? Y'all do not do not be lured into this this is this is a trap this the all a woman all these chosen folk I Watch them kill innocent folk. They demand of you what you should not give it is not a good trait I am going to I am going to cure Kirk-Rot. How are you going to cure Kirk-Rot? We don't even know what causes it.

Because- Because- Even my nobody else knows what's going on. Because someone found out, okay, just give me a week. I'll cure Kirk-Rot. If I don't cure Kirk-Rot in a week, y'all can go to wherever you want to go. You're all gonna ban in the creek like a bunch of ingrates. I don't, I mean we don't want to, Moonchan, we're just sick, we don't want to abandon the crick. I know and I'm saying give me a week. Hi that sounds like a good idea. We should trust our own kind. Good boy, Petri.

Petri makes a good point. Another Petri, agree. While all of this is happening, Kudar also goes, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't know maybe maybe moonshine's right y'all. Yeah, they kill mayor high hill. What these folk? It's still dangerous and go later on that is Not true. Okay, there was who you get a trust some outsider or your sister most of you probably none of us really know That's we came from go later on we were we fought on the winning side of the go later on silver Well the retreating side of the Galatoron civil war. It's really not a tie. So Moonshan gives us impassioned plea that says, don't leave the crick. And I will cure a crick route for you. I just need some time. I think we should trust our sister as opposed to some flimsy scroll.

Me too. That's hard one, that was good. Did I sound like P3? Yeah! Moonshan, go ahead and because these are your people, roll with advantage on a persuasion check. Okay. 17.

17. Okay. You see they give you a long look and then they start kind of whispering amongst each other and you hear them being like, I mean if Mo Moonchan says she can do it, then be better than leaving the crick-grat. Yeah, and Moonchan rolled a 17. Here's someone yelling the back though. Moonchan doesn't know nothing. Someone else says,

Hey, that's my sister you're talking about. Hey, that's my sister too. And you see a bunch of guys just start wrestling each other until finally brother all Brecht speaks up gentle people of the Crick your sister here is absolutely right if she believes that she can cure Crick-Rot in one week how about we chosen hang out here and wait and should she not be able to deliver you You can all come with me. This is the same chosen that murdered the king of Galatoron. Oh, we turned on the green night. There are many wars. This is the same Galatoron that did not even consider... This is the same...

You started a civil war. This is the same Galatoron that did not even consider the Crick Elves in the war against Osmodeus. They did not even consider the Crick Elves people. They went to the high elves. That's a bad faith argument, sir. I don't know what a bad faith argument is. I like to, I like high elves. I'd like to go into the corner and have a private moment with myself and just pray to Malora and be like Malora. The others run in circles around you right now. Okay. You're gonna have to step it up.

You're just get hit with a windy branch. Oh, okay. I see. I see. I'm supposed to trust you rather than ask. No, I'm telling you. Step it the fuck up. All right, cool. You know what, y'all can stay in my stump.

Oh, lot of you. The whole thing. We couldn't possibly fit in one big stump. One big stump. One big stump. I'm sleeping outside. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wait, do you mean the chosen can stay in the stump?

Yeah, I meant the chosen we were confused We thought you meant with the whole cricket could stay in the stone. Oh Malora Oh Malora, where are you? The chosen yeah y'all can all say my stump. I'll make you John Bolivre breakfast every morning Well, thank you for your hospitality. Of course that's what we're known for. And what is your name? Yeah you see he just they dismiss the crowd and

the crowd walks off and they go moonshine's gonna cure a crick-rot. She's walking around here like she knows who her daddy is. I'm grabbing the timeout bag and I'm putting some young in my timeout bag and I'm taking them for a laugh. I'm just trying to just scoop some a young man in the timeout bag. Scoop him up, walk him around. No kissing back there. Just wriggling around. Can I talk to you about this all-break time?

Yeah. So as a veteran of the Civil War, what happened with the... What happened with that boyking? The boyking. Well, that information hasn't been made public yet. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do, but we actually have the ability to help these people.

Yeah, well, that makes two of us because I don't know what you're trying to do, and I have the ability to help these people. Don't you know what Theola did? Of course I know what she did. That she let the devil... She replaced the devil. And she let Maribel the terrible escape. You know this. She's...

Theola is going to kill all of the false gods. When she didn't let any devil escape. We are just pawns in... this fight of the gods. We are, I am honored to be on the side of the aula when she wipes this world of all evil. I report spores and I'm saying, one of us call upon our elemental and just wipe out these chosen.

I do even need the elemental seeders for the fall. I think there's too many. How many of them? There's just five in the sky. Hey guys, if we kill some missionaries from Galatoron, they might come back on the creek. It's up to you guys.

Oh, that's fair. Yeah, we don't want to start a war. Yeah, that's fair. I just hate this so much. You guys, look, I know everybody's steaming bad But there's just five of them six of them me mobs here if these guys are just staying here There's nothing they could do with just six They can't kill anybody fine. You know what let's let's let's boil some crawfish

Let's I'm just I think I might be a little hangry right now. A bit, we eat, go to bed. I do want to ask Albrecht a question real quick. How did you only bring one scroll? If scenes, if you really wanted to cure the quick folk, you would have brought more scrolls. I don't know how easily you think these scrolls can be made ones that destroy curses that high level clerics

couldn't cure? But let's just say they're not easy to come by. I just got a question. Why would you come into other towns and ask them to come back to Glateron? Wouldn't it be better for spreading the word of theolid to have devotees and different regions? for spreading the word of the olive to have, you know, devotees in different regions. You see he puts his hand on both of your shoulders and he kind of squeezes tight and he goes.

Ow. Okay, I put my hand on his shoulder. I squeeze it just a tight. You see one of these nights comes over and he also squeezes your shoulder tight. I put my hand on his thigh. He put your hand on his thigh, it's squeezed tight. He uses his other hand to squeeze your other shoulder tight. I put my hand on his thigh. He put your hand on his thigh. Fired squeeze tight. He uses his other hand to squeeze your other shoulder tight.

I put my hand on just his ear. I start playing footsie with him. He kicks you a little bit. We know that if we were to fight you right now, we probably couldn't take all of you. Let alone definitely all of the people in the country. Honestly, I'm just gonna put it out there. That feels good to hear. Yeah it's a weird thing to say but it's comforting for us. Yeah but on the other hand if you kill us you sentence your people to war essentially so. Y'all are dirty.

Y'all are dirty. You are just enjoying this little power. What do you call them? Teeter-totter things that people go on. Seesaw? Power trip? Seesaw, this little power sea saw. You like it because we got to balance it. That's right. A full crown. Is your stump? Is there like a Murphy bed situation? Yeah, there's a bunch of Murphy beds. Just if you just pull on any handle in the wall, probably a bed will pop out. There was a guy sleeping there.

The other night, he might still be around. Yeah, Toilets full of acorns. He's gonna pee around them. Right, well, I'm not super excited to stay here for a week, but I suppose we don't have much of a choice. No, I don't think you do. Well, I think I promised y'all John Belaya, so I best get to pick in the saffron.

You know what, I think we might prepare our own meals tonight. We've brought some rations along with us. Oh, you bought something nice and not spicy for your bland, pathetic palettes. Don't worry about him, Moonshine, it's more brown for us. That's... That's a good call. That is a good call. In all honesty, what are y'all eating? I'm just curious. We have a oat bran cereal. Oh, cow's. Cone and whey first. Oh my goodness. Water. Wonderpred. Boundora's mouth is watering.

Oh, you guys. You guys got rooms there? Boundora you're with us. All right. Well, enjoy the stump. Walk in the light, my friends. Well, Malora shine on you. And the Allah shine on all of you.

On all of us. Yeah, and then if then if if she can shine under the shade of Melora's wing span she can fly higher than the all of me. Mom, I'll give you both this night. I'm pulling Moon Shine away. I think that's probably. He's chosen guys go and take residence in your stump. Oh, I gotta talk to Mima about all this. Okay, so you guys are able to catch kind of Mima as she's going up to the grandma tree to heal people. Mima, we got a problem. I just heard about a priest coming by, healed Kudir. Yes, Gabs just fell off his face.

Yeah, you see nearby, you see a bunch of people feeling at Kooter's face? Ah, Kooter, the scabs are gone, you never looked better. They healed Kooter, but they tricked everybody here into thinking that the Allas, their new god, they're only hope for curing Krikrot. Yeah, people are trying to get everyone to leave the Krik and follow theala,

which as crick folk, we don't put anyone on it. All right, let's go back to my stuff. Stun says hi as we go, we don't do pedestals. That's absolutely right, let's go back to my stump. All right, do you have anything to eat back there? Yeah, we got a crawfish with some of the brown stuff still inside. Do you have any mayonnaise I gave all mine away?

We don't have any, we have some spicy mayo. I'll do my best. Bev eats so much spicy mayo. Oh no, but I've got the flame resistance now. Oh my god. Bev, you can now eat spicy mayo. I'm invincible. It tastes like regular mayo too.

I'm invincible. Oh yeah. You can't be so much of a joke, I'm a joke. I'm gonna show you the. So presumably you guys have kind of told Mima about this whole like civil war thing and everything that happened like you know while you were there I won't make you retell the entire thing. So Mima goes so now so these chosen are here unfortunately I don't think we can do

any violence or anything against it. Yeah so I've bartered a deal. They're on to us. We're on to them. It's not going to be a happy marriage, but they're staying in my stump. I promise them, John, by the way, every morning. That's very hospitable of you. Thank you.

Don't say that to them. They're throwing around the world like they read a fucking dictionary once. I think they're walking around like they know who their daddy is. They are. They're running around like they know who their daddy is. And they, honestly, people who think they know who their daddy is They run around like they know who their daddy is and they honestly people who think they know who their daddy is are Often more wrong than people who know that they don't know who their daddy is I know that So they're gonna be at the creek But I made some high-faluten promises that I can cure Cricrot within the week

to keep our folk at the Cric. And now that they've pushed us to this, that we have to either cure Cricrot or we're gonna have a small exodus of people following theala. I'm worried that those people aren't gonna come back. I've seen what they do to people that don't totally agree with the allah. I don't think they will. I've got to feel that they're looking to just, they'll probably just turn them into slaves.

I've got to think. I think we might just need to tell people what's going on. I think we need to tell people about where we're going. Okay, well, I do not advise that we call some sort of click meeting. I think that this is something that we have a little whisper campaign. Maybe a circular.

I know that we like to be real honest and open, but I think it's time for some subterfuge. I know just a girl for the job. Hard one turns to momol. Me, how'd you like to scramble a story, my queen? We've already discussed Maribel with the old folk circle. We were planning on telling everyone about it tonight. Again, I think that with these chosen here, it is not advisable to do it in a town meet and

sort of way. I think that it should be a hush, hush, pull them aside one by one, telephone kind of way. I could guard your stump or just keep a look out with Balnor while you guys, oh my god, you spent it all time. Yeah. A small, quick meeting. Yeah.

So they don't overhear anything. Yeah, and you could, you know what? I'm a cast pass without trace on everyone who's around me. Yeah, all right, cool. Yeah, so I can, I'll spy on that and make sure that they don't come in here at the secret meeting. And young babe, you've been such a hit with the petries. I wonder if you could maybe get a little boys choir going. Yeah.

You know what, how about we'll, all right, what time is it by the way? It's still the afternoon. How about me, I'll round out the petries and all the youngins and we'll distract, we'll distract the chosen with a nice little boys choir. Oh, I don't even know if you need to distract them. I was thinking maybe you could just report to the petries, tell them what's going on. Oh, sure. And then the petries can spread the word too.

Yes, I am very popular with all my fellow youth. And I would gladly do that task. I lean in close and say, like, they're going to put me in the bag, aren't they? But I told you it was fun. I don't know. OK. I'll do it for you, Moon Shindler.

Do it for the crick. I don't think Marilyn would mind, you know, if you got a little fresh in there, either. Well, you know what? That's between us. That is, that is. Now, why don't we talk to some of the old folks circle about this, get some of the more senior cricks around here, like Kooter and them, the ones treating the sick folk, those are the people that are probably most jumpy about getting out of here. Why don't we meet in the grandma tree tonight?

We'll let everybody know the plan that y'all are going into that fog tomorrow. Hard one. When you go to my stump, can you just on your way, collect any dirtial trash and just put it outside all the windows just so they have a real stink of a nut? That's really nice. Yeah. Oh, you're going That's really nice. Yeah. Oh, you're gonna stink window him. Yeah.

I'm gonna have Balnor up or deck your toilet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, just send him in there. They'll trust him. He looks like them. What you say to that, Balnor the great. Balnor, please do not join the chosen. Yes, I mean, they're in there right now.

If I were to upper deck it, I think they, you gotta use right now. If I were to upper decades, I think they, he gotta use the curtain. Right, draw the curtain first. I'm nervous about doing that. We're playing by ear. Ha, ha, ha. Let's wait for the moment. We were gonna do a big send-off for y'all.

We were gonna have a big feast. You know what, you see, me Mog gets choked up. I just wanted to have, I wanted to have a grand feast for our heroes. I think that these shows and I've really complicated. This is too important. We have the feast when we're going to come back for the feast. Yeah. Why don't you give us something to look forward to?

Keep it bubbling for us. Yeah. All right. If you're all going to be off, I'd like to have a word alone with my daughter for a minute here. Sure thing. I leave all my valuables with me, Ma, and then I go find the youngins.

I go out the door and then poke my head in really quick. And I say, I just thought of something brilliant. When they go to sleep, that's when Balnor is going to upper deck toil it That should give him some time guys. That's one thing I can do can't hit people with a text. I can take Stinky dumps. All right goodnight. See you later. My stinky dad Balnor and old cob walk out and It's just me ma, moonshine, and Mama. And Mima turns to you, moonshine, and goes,

hmm, young and I told you before that I couldn't follow you into the fog because I gotta take care of the sick folk and that's true but there's also something else. You see she pushes her cloak to the side and you see she has black scabs and deep crick ron all over no choice. Mima how did you pick this up? It's happening to everybody no matter how strong you are, you get it eventually. Oh, me ma. I wish I could come along with you and I would, but I can't help you in my weekend state.

Me ma, there is too much riding on this. But you can do it, young man. I know you can do it. I just, I don't get it, my... our folk are ready to run into the arms of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of... of to scabs. Well, it's more than just scabs, young, and it's a curse. And they're not running into the arms of Charlotte and these people are scared. We gotta, they haven't had a win in a long time, and right now we're not even being honest with them.

We haven't even told them what's going on. I know, but we're changing that tonight. Well, we're gonna whisper to them, but only because of the chosen, otherwise it'd be a broadcast from the stump. Mima, I cannot believe this. What about Mama? I checked Mama. I checked Mama for a soft spots.

You checked Mama for soft spots? Ah, I have not gotten crick-grot yet. I'm still healthy. I'm sorry yet. Ugh. I'm still healthy. I'm sorry, me mom. I'm just looking for any kind of blessing in these cloudy days. Moonshahn, listen, okay. Just because I ain't there, cast and spills with you, that doesn't mean I ain't there, okay?

I know, of course. I didn't even know you had crit-grot. I know, nobody knows, okay? That is one secret we should probably keep from everyone. Yeah, I think that would be good. It's too much of a, I mean, that's someone who just learned it. It's a blow to the morale. I know right now, Moon Sean, that you might be angry

at your people, but they're sick and... Well, I'm angry at my people, but I am much angrier at the chosen and I am much, much, much angrier at Maribel. So they're low on the totem pole for me. You see, Mimon nods and she looks at you and she goes, I'm proud of you, young. My spores are much stronger than Maribels. You got that right. It's boring real quick.

And that's where we'll end our session. Woo! Woo! Oh damn! I like to think during that entire very emotional speech Beverly was in a bag full of beetles. Beverly forgot to use the bathroom and was just like waiting right outside. Oh sorry I forgot my uh that was real nice though. Just slowly creeping in to go get his bag. Forgot my notebooks. Trying not to make any noise but the floor is super creepy.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh you don't actually have a toilet in here. I'm just realizing. And she has crick-grot. That's crazy. Wow. It's just a number one super quick. Sorry. That was crazy. Wow. Wow. It's just an number one super quick. Sorry.

Sorry. That was beautiful. I'll just do it in my pants. That was a fun one, guys. Listen to us talk more about this app over at the short rest. Go to patreon.com slash nad pod. That's n-a-d-d. P-o-d.

Sing it. Don't sing it. Don't sing't sing it she's gonna be all of us crying that Mima has crick-ro I swear to God Murf yes if you have some fucking plan that no matter what happens in the fog Mima is gonna die because it's an narratively interesting for her to die die. I will sleep on the couch. And Murphy's gonna answer that question on the short run. So go subscribe. Yep. When Murphy sleeps on a couch, it's called Murphy bed.

Hey, no, no, no, no. I'll be sleeping on the couch. That's right. Yeah, it'll be fun to sing yourself. Anyway. Cool guys. Jesus, whenever there's like deep stuff going on in the podcast, it's so hard to like plug other things

or talk about other things, but by me and Emily's book. Wow. Go to, you can find it on Amazon. It's called Hey You Up. How to turn your booty call into your emergency contact. It's a theoretical relationship advice book. You can also get it on Audible.

If you like listening to books, Bev, hi. How, Bev. Hi. Uh-huh, called well. How do you watch Big City Greens? You can watch it on the Disney Channel or the Disney Now app or by the way. At Amazon or iTunes. Beautiful. Yeah.

And of course, listen to If I Were You with Jake and Amir, follow us. Uh-oh, guys, we haven't done this in a while. If you want to send us stuff, what is the address, called well, oh, it is 1920, Hillhurst Avenue, number 222, Los Feliz, California, 90027, love getting stuff in the box. We love getting stuffed in the box. That's what I said. That's exactly what he said.

That's exactly what he meant. And guys, there might still be tickets available to our Seattle live show, so go to headgum.com slash live They are very thick. It's very few very few and we already discussed about the custom made shirt that I'm making for the live show I will be debuting a shirt of my own make. Yeah, oh listen a last week short rest. Oh shit Did I talk about it on the short rest? I don't think so. That was just before we were doing it. Yeah. It's a really good fucking shirt.

Be on the lookout for new shirts. And guys, tweet about the show using hashtag, nadpod, that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d. We are, youth of a nation, we are, we are. Youth of a nation, we are we are youth of a nation Alright everybody, it's the end of the show and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders It's just me and Emily this week, but we bringing in the energy and enthusiasm. Because we're live from our bedroom, Murphy's sitting on our marital bed. I'm sitting on an ergonomic chair. My birthday's in an hour and a half. I'll start it off with Matthew M. The Bulliwug Prince. The first

Bulliwug to ever get braces. When his loving family saw Matthew's million dollar smile, they knew a bright future of dentistry awaited their people. Ooh, but did he get a lip bumper? Okay, Joe and the lover of Lucy. Joe and Lucy once took the SS stormborn for a joy ride. They returned it, but it smelled like sex for a long time. That's tough, because the deck is open air, so absolutely disgusting. That's the thing you think. Brad D, the only Pebble Pot that isn't Craven, he wants beat his entire family at arm wrestling

during a reunion. At that same reunion, he was also the only Pebble Pot to try spicy food. J. Loma, 72, aka Steelbreaker. Hardwan's gym inspiration, looking at Steel Steelbreakers gains make hard one deadlift even harder Remember to lift with your legs hard one. You don't want to injure yourself Andrew a aka failed sparred lygard in the half-elf as a half-elf Andrew has the cob of this is V But also can grow a sick beard Wow a little bit of everything. The perfect man.

A bit of everything. Taylor, pop, pop, the six, a legendary bard to whom no item isn't an instrument. Once legit played pop, pop. He booned to his mouth, and the most melodious, raar, came out. raar raar raar raar raar raar raar. Dylan B, a super weak wizard who wields 12 swords. They're all dull practice swords, though, which is good, Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Doesn't look awesome in a hat, but his parents call him every weekend.

That's good, you gotta get that Sunday check in. Danny P. Bohumi is resident artist, painted hard one senior portrait at the dwarf inage, also painted a couples portrait with hard one in his GF, which hard one still carries in a locket around his neck. Next up, Tom P. Father of the Realm, serenader of sleeping babies, once calmed get this, the Boyking. Through one of his tantrums, the Boyking was 12. It's pretty old to be having tantrums. It's an old boy.

Spencer Castbrew, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods, and heroes of Bohemia alike, makes a nutty amber brew with a hint of crick water in it that the lower docks of Glateron is going ape shit for. Yeah, I am too. Pedro E, barred of the mountains, as hard one mind as a child, water in it that the lower docks of Glateron is going ape shit for. Speaking of doors, we've got Dom Lemmon the door for Runs the Doorfinage. Look out buddy, Boundor the brave is coming for ya. Next up, Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn Elk Dritch Knight,

and owner of the Badgers pint in and tavern, be sure to try their famous flamin' stranger cocktail. It's rum, pineapple, falurnum, and then a huge blast of fire breath directly into your face. I don't know what falurnum is. I don't either. Danielle, the dastardly dame the goddess of glam wears a feather boa made from the corpses of her kanko pose.

Yo, that got updated so nicely! Next up, you see A.K. Haldor Frostback MVP of the Giant Wars crewed on the SS Stormborn and Fod faught alongside Elias and Red, a barbarian warrior from the frigid north fights with no weapon other than their hands and their dagger, sharp ice-cold nipples. Dangerous. Manny the mundane, accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell to reach divinity. If you ever get an onion ring in your order of fries, that's unfortunately

not man he's doing, but if you get a curly fry in there, that's manny all the way. Daniel U-A-K-A-Multifore Accidental Warlock in service of Asmodius, who unintentionally sold his soul for that sweet, screechy, talking boat. The Craigslist post was unclear on the terms in his defense. He also does a spot on impression of his dad. You don't know him, but trust me, it's perfect. Oh yeah, Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, owns a magical goose that sounds exactly like an air horn. And of course we got Jeffery as Lord of the Fjord, Bon of the Sword, once killed a horde of warlords because they snoreed and it made him barred.

Are you the Count? Are you a cartoon or puppets? My brother. Vampire. I can talk over one. Xavier C. Moonshine's distant relative, led an expedition to the northeast and found a colony by Lake Jersey.

To this day, these elves are known as Warder elves. And of course, Cutter W.A. High Elf Dandy turned Crick Stumpetect. Hosts a reality show called Stump Flippers, where he remodels run down houses then makes a frog heath flip him upside down just for fun, I'd watch. Lexus, founder of a forgotten sect of Glater on Paladins known as the Beige Knights, they worship Polores boring brother, Kaki Dave. John S.A.K. Schubert, the mushroom, unfortunately, Schubert got arrested recently for dealing

themselves. Luckily, Papa was able to refute the charges and set them free. He's a fine lawyer. James B., a Goliath who was kicked out of the Watchman's monastery after it was revealed that they were actually just 70 gnomes in a trench coat. My the chillest individuals have kicked it with Ryan M. and lived to tell the tale. Elena C. The chill touch master, not the cantrip though, just straight up walks around with a giant bag of ice and pranks fools.

Nice. Andrew M. A druid who doesn't really care for nature, but can totally dominate it, uses weather control to light his solar panels and play video games all day with no electric belt. That's how you hack being a druid. Beardman Dan has a beard twice as long as Tanahthan's body, three times as thick as hard one's quads, and with as much hospitality as moonshine. That's right, this beard is nice. Oh, I love it.

To straight up nice person. There's a nice person, I love it. To straight up nice person. Nice person. I love it. Scott D a Crick-Elf who's the first person to sail across the world in a giant pot of crawfish Other people have sailed around the world the regular way so it's yeah, but the crawfish was that's all Scott D That's Scott D Aaron C Bound or cool nephew who frequently makes up excuses last minute so that he won't have to have dinner with Bound or Boundor.

Boundor has eaten alone at Ruby Tuesday several times. Hermes W. the Bat King. Actually won an election and was voted in by Bat, so he is technically the Bat President. I love democracy. Is there a Bat Vice President? I don't know, we'll find out. T. Alex, the lion tamer at Scullis' old circus. The lion wasn't awakened lion, though, who was super into it, so all of T. Alex's circus activities were completely ethical.

I love that. Arguably a little sexy. Yeah, you know, that's what I was just thinking. Harley S. and Ezri Outer Rim public school teacher who taught a teenaged rebellious Candace Bricker how to love the law and stop being a renegade. Parker E, one of Papa's litter mates, said to have Marmos mind and Papa's good looks. Oh, that just made me want to see Papa just like part his hair with like a little law. A little great school photo thing.

Come, okay Kyle, make cue, owner and operator Bohumiaz's own Mick Quannald's franchise as well as the creator of its mascot, NON-OLD-MICQUANNELD! RJW, killed the troll who kicked Jonas' dad. He did it in front of all the Crick Bullywugs and they were scared, but thankful. Spartas, Taught, Shay, Yoga, and how to Love. My goodness. I mean, isn't yoga love though and isn't love yoga? It's all about opening up those hip flexors. Adam R. Adam R has a super nice pair of jeans that are 18 AC. Those are thick Wranglers. Some thick denim. Brett Farber loved to get his hand on those. Brent B taught Alana's magic, not wizard magic though the magic, a friendship.

Alana was studying too much and Brent Tarr had to let her hair down a little bit. You know, those wizards just don't have time for love. They don't. Cassandra MHB, a Crick Rager who's currently lost in the mysterious fog. Not because of the necromancy, just because she forgot her glasses and can't see her stump. Ricky aka tricky Ricky of the crickie hey Ricky you so fine you so fine you made out with moonshine in the time out bag. Beautiful. Neither of you knew who just two strangers lips. Then we've got Matt C. AKA Mattie Big Crits, Matthias of House Crit,

the savior of hard one and Ol' Cobb. A few days after saving hard one and Ol' Cobb, he did lose one-on-one combat to a cobalt. So. But was it like a really like gluteally buff cobalt? It was kind of just a regular cobalt. Matt, Mattie Big Crits is a level one. You know, some days, some days you're Mattie Big Crits and somet Matt. Mattie Big Crits is a level one.

You know, some days, some days you're Mattie Big Crits and some days you're Mattie Big shits, you know. It happens. Andruar, a karate master who taught school us how to, yeah! And how to love the straight edge lifestyle. Clear mind, clear hearts, can't lose. Cannibalistic Cthulhu, a terrifying deity of reckoning and remorse who also runs a possum orphanage at the creek.

I know what you're thinking, do they all travel around on his back? Yes. I think we all need to just meditate on that image for a second. Just a bunch of possums clinging to a Cthulhu. Okay. Alright, next up, Blitzprie Dmitry, famous doger who owns and runs the beloved franchise, doger's big burger. They've got a myth-real menu for special or derbs. I bet they also serve or derbs.

Very good. Then we've got... Oh, me. Like the metal. Then we've got Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, who has a drink called the Paw Paw, which secretly has a little bit of possum piss.

Oh, just a little bit. But also, also Paw Paw the Fruit. Okay, Frank. Victor T. Bounders, boy whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. He longs for a day when he and his dad can go back to eating cold cheese sandwiches together and watching Wheel of Fortune. to eating cold cheese sandwiches together and watching wheel of fortune love those cold cheese sandwiches love sharing wheel of fortune with pop-hop Henry A the Daphne to stunkbugs Frazier maintains stunkbugs apartment as well as a will they want they flirtation with gunkb. I literally had a conversation with Adam Convervia Techs being like,

who do you think Stunk Bogg's brawzes? Who do you think Stunk Bogg's brawzes? Oh my god. The raz is definitely one. Ooh, I hadn't thought about that way. We said actually, Bricker. Okay. Penfield was the star of Bohumiya's Seinfeld equivalent,

which featured Ulfgar as Dwarf Kastanza. Dwarf Kastanza. Dwarf is good, Mad. R.J.S., a famous painter who once hit a tiny middle finger in a portrait they did of Galadro Zell. Yo, so, so, so, the chosen are currently seeking to have them beheaded. Oh, shit, that's big consequences, imagine. And of course we got Colin G, the boy King's younger brother who's a pretty solid dude

and would honestly be a pretty good King, so let's hope he's still alive, maybe hiding in the mountains, making for a blacksmith. Then finally, Mick Pux, the code master. The digital hero who is tirelessly coding our website doesn't even need a dental potion to work long through the night he just uses second wind. And he probably remembers he has it more frequently than Hardwon does. Hardwon remembers it most of the time now, but definitely more so than episodes one through nine.

Alright everybody, thank you so much for listening. Head on over to the Patreon to check out the short rest and we'll be back next week with another episode. Bye, guys. That was a Hate Gum podcast.