Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 27: The Living Wood (Tales From the Crick)

Episode Date: August 9, 2018

The Band of Boobs join Luna in a battle against a giant undead snake! Can they defeat the beast and find Ol' Cobb in the fog? Moonshine summons some party boys from the Feywild, Beverly chann...els Nightcrawler, and Hardwon attempts to befriend a bird. Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music/Sound Effects include:"Into the Fog" by Emily Axford."Befuddled & Befogged" by Emily Axford."Hazy Daze" by Emily Axford.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:42 Bohumia. Bohumia. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Herwetz. Hard one, sure, foothold. Emily Axford. Munchine Sabin hopped to trap and riddled with broth. Oh. Yep, that's real.
Starting point is 00:01:56 Oh, no. And called Waltanner. Beverly Togled the Fifth. Captain of the Cricket Tears, Hoobily Doobily. Hoobily Doobily, y'all. Is Hoobily Doobily like Kalu Kale, or is it, that's the Cricket Tear, Hoobly-Doobley! Hoobly-Doobley y'all! Is Hoobly-Doobley like Calouclae or is it, that's the Cricket Tear version of Rack or Play. I think Hoobly-Doobley is a Cricket Tear jamborene. Like if you went and saw animatronic cricket tears,
Starting point is 00:02:16 they would be having Hoobly-Doobley here. Hoobly-Doobley is an orgy in the time out there. Oh my God, an animatronic orgy? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's, you get in the gumbo bucket, and you do a little dirty. All right, guys, let's get into it because you're about to fight a snake.
Starting point is 00:02:32 Oh, cool. Okay, so last week, you informed the Crick Elves that you'd be heading into the fog and warned them not to trust the chosen. Munchine gave an impassioned speech to her people in the grandma tree, promising to cure Crick-Rot while Beverly recruited the Crick youngins and formed a new chapter of the green teens called the Cricketeers.
Starting point is 00:02:52 Meanwhile, hard one in Bowne or Spide on the Chosen who were traveling through town, eventually they saw one of the Chosen Knights head off into the woods with a bag and followed them. That night ended up being a woman who was behaving quite strangely, having frequent angry outbursts where her eyes turned yellow. Okay, I'm listening. Still young? Her eyes are up there.
Starting point is 00:03:13 Yum, even more young. And they're yellow. Boundorn hard one reported this back to moonshine and Beverly and you all returned to confront the stranger together where moonshine turned into a wolf, sniffed her out and found out that she was a gosh dang werewolf. Y'all talk about regrets,
Starting point is 00:03:30 why didn't I just fuck her as a wolf? You could have mounted her. That would have been so high. Oh shit, that would have been so high. Wolf style. The werewolf informed you that her name was Luna and that she had joined the chosen because she wants to be cured by Thealus someday. The next day, Mima and the Crick-Elves were all waiting for you at
Starting point is 00:03:47 the edge of the fog to send you off and Luna did end up joining you, saying that it was her duty as a follower of the light to help fight evil, but just before you could head into the fog and infected Crick-Elves appeared running out of the fog and blew up, spreading black spores over the crowd and infecting. Terrorism. Moon shine with Crick Rod. Dark day. Finally, you headed into the fog. You were disoriented at first and lost each other,
Starting point is 00:04:12 but quickly regrouped as you all ran toward Luna's Howl as she entered battle with a giant infected snake. A second snake attempted to attack you, but Old Cobb distracted it and ran off to the west. He's gone for now. Not for good. Not for good necessarily. Don't you. And that's where you guys are now. You guys are with Luna in this battle with this enormous snake. Its scales are blackened in gray and it's got this big black mushroom bursting through its skull. Luna is still wearing her full plate armor and has her
Starting point is 00:04:45 great sword, but she is in Werewolf Form. She is a home-brew character, so nobody at me and tell me that Werewolf's can't wear armor because in my world they can. And it looks awesome. And it looks dope. And if you read... Why would you write something that's so right? Yeah, if you read the first Witcher book, you also would know about the full armor Werewolf Wolf Guy, who was cool as hell. So think about it, tweet it, Murph, good brew, hashtag, hey, um. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:12 Good brew. Okay, so you guys are gonna fight with the snake, everybody go ahead and roll initiative. Oh yeah, let's go. 17. I got a 20. Oh my goodness. Oh, oh, big bed.
Starting point is 00:05:23 I got a that. Oh my goodness Yeah, I really did look at it you absolute mother fuckers. Oh, how do I make this game hard? I thought I was like to my 17 damn. Oh my goodness Sorry, I'm honestly you should be glad that we're wasting our 20s on a hard one Yeah, and Beverly look at each other and they don't say anything, but it's very clear that they both have boners I could get fired from being a scout master. Alright, that's rule number one in the handbook. Don't do it. Okay, so I'm gonna say hard one will go before Beverly because he's got more decks, so he's a little quicker. That's fair. Hard one, you're up.
Starting point is 00:05:58 Okay, I'm gonna swing at this snake with my great axe. Cool, go for it. I did with, wait, is the last 20? That's a 14 to hit the snake. 14 does hit the snake, really. It's just a big old snake. It's a snake and we're armor. Cool. I mean, they can't. They can't be cute as hell.
Starting point is 00:06:11 Yeah. This one is it. You're like a sock. Since I hit, then I do wink at Luna. Or a snake and I, oh, fuck. No, I hit 17. That's so much damage, good for you. Don't do it.
Starting point is 00:06:23 I like that. Luna's a little aggro. Luna says that. Yeah. Hell yeah, yeah Luna that was actually me, but let's say it was Fucking sick take my second attack that one also kiss that's 22 beautiful with Luna here We're like the goddamn dog squad a lot of it damage the dog squad 13 damage, okay? It's good. It's pretty good. Oh that wasn't as good and now I double wink at Luna Which is a blink, but I think it's a romantic and I take I'm gonna use my action surge you instantly trip 15 that'll hit two 15 hits yeah 12 16 damage Jesus and now just a nice toothy grin. We'll cast that Beverly because he likes the teeth
Starting point is 00:07:04 Not 20 bitch. What? Yeah. Oh my God. Hell yeah. Wait, how many? How many times are you hit? He's dead.
Starting point is 00:07:14 Really? How many times do you get for a task? Yeah, he just did an action search. I did an action search. Oh, that's awesome. I roll your damage. That's 3D12s. Ah, Luna so amped. 30. your damage. That's 3d12s. Oh Luna, so amped.
Starting point is 00:07:25 30. 30 damage. Ooh, you slash into the snake. This thing are rears back and I guess let's out of snake roar, which is just a real loud sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss That right up and Luna goes yes, dude. Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I just bumper Yes, you just bounce you back. Oh, I was fighting this thing by myself before it Socks but this rules got your hot That's bad stern. All right Bev is gonna try and Channel his newfound fire familiarity. Okay with searing smite, go ahead and swing and see if you hit.
Starting point is 00:08:05 All righty. That's a natural 21, oh it's a 12. Okay. Okay. That's plus eight, which my attack bonus, that'll hit. All right. That's 13 on the first hit. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:18 Oh wait, how does searing smite work? Oh, one extra D6 of fire damage. Causes the target to ignite in flames. Igniting in flames. That's legit. Open a lad in style. Yeah! Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:30 Flames made. It's like super-chafar. Anyone want roasted snake for dinner? Mm, I know it's not a time to feel hungry, but yeah, dude. No good in the jump alive. Some little snake above. Yeah. Ooh, try that.
Starting point is 00:08:42 It's stuck in snake raw. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Beverly tries to crush a can on his head and knocks himself out I might just have tuna sandwich. That's okay with everyone. That's an extra four damage from the fire sweet and On fire. Yeah cool. Then I'll do another attack if you don't mind sweet you guys just smell crick-a-rout in the air has this giant fucking snake burns oh he's like made of crick-a-rout oh yeah which which of melts two snakes is this moonshine I think it's Dewey this is there's he Lee Dewey and Louis what happened to Louis I think Louis Louis is a Louis on the east side. He's fine. He's fine. Louis on the tree. Oh, he's rare.
Starting point is 00:09:26 Yeah. No, he's sad about it. He's not fine emotionally. That's a 17 plus eight. I think that's it. All right. That's 14 damage. Great. Will that be enough? Uh, perhaps Moonshan, that's your turn. I gotta do something, but I think you're gonna fake the dexterity saving throw. Is that right? Yeah. Okay. I want you to do it in front of, I want you to do it in front of the thing.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Alright, I'll let Jake roll for me. Ooh. Okay. You crazy person. What do you think I'm gonna lie about? Jake's hot today. Yeah, you sure you want me to roll? Yeah, I do want Jake to roll.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Jake's always lucky. I got a lot of Jake to roll for me. I want to lighten and bolt this bitch. Okay. So he's gotta do a dexterity saving throw. Jake, go ahead, roll in the front of the table. Cool. I whispered Luna, watch a bitch call lightning.
Starting point is 00:10:12 That's an eight. Eight, that fails. Hi, yes! All right. Never been so happy to play. The one time you roll poorly, the past like four episodes. Oh, I need I need seven D-Sexes. Oh my god. You just put them all in your mouth Spit them out. I'm for them some milk over them. Eat them like cereal
Starting point is 00:10:39 See some sixes. Oh, I see a lot of six. Oh, see a devil's number. Oh, and another six six six six six six 33 Do you kill your stick he's hurt? He's hurt. He's not dead. You didn't kill like you can wait fucking sneak Also, um, he ignites and ignites any flammable object. Wait. It's already on fire He gets more on fire. I guess And then I also double wink at Luna. I think that you just tasered somebody who was on fire. It's awesome.
Starting point is 00:11:12 You look so fucking hurt now. Yeah, I thought so too. Luna, that's like food, right? Oh my God, I'd let it linger. I'll linger on the chest bump. What are you doing? Chest touch. That is Boundorse Turn.
Starting point is 00:11:26 So Beverly, what would you have me do? Just do everything when I impress Luna the most. We're all trying to impress Luna, Boundorse. Alright, I'm mad. And he runs at the snake. And he misses. Oh no, just a big friggin' with. Is it really his fault though he's holding all of our bags?
Starting point is 00:11:44 Oh, it's got, I don't know why I had to, I feel like we could have just put it by the tree over there. Could I put them down? Yeah I can put them down. Put them down. Do you need, you need Bail Lord to hold anything? Yeah if you wouldn't mind if got a wine skin in here. Bail Lord hold on his wine skin. Oh okay. Can I roll to see if Bail Lord is allergic to dogs?
Starting point is 00:12:02 Sure. You gotta be to 15 for him not to be allergic to dogs. I dropped the dice. The dice is literally lost under the couch. There's going to be another D20, right? Oh, thank God. He took his bin a drill today. A five. I said he needed to beat a 15 for him to not to be allergic to dogs.
Starting point is 00:12:22 He's allergic to lose. He gets close to Luna. Oh, he'll oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Dand or Luna. Luna, you are a god, you are a god dog. You're a dirty dog. You're gorgeous. It is the roughest. I love it if you relish and devour you. It is the snake's turn. So the snake comes down on hard one. That's a 25 to hits.
Starting point is 00:12:56 That does hit. Snaps down on hard one to bite him. 23 damage on the bites. Huh. And then I need you to do a dexterity saving throw to not get eaten. Don't forget to add your teen spirit bonus. Cool. And I also get to add two now that I'm a remarkable hell.
Starting point is 00:13:14 Hell yeah. You stand in here greasy little guy. I did not 20 on my... Sheesh! Oh! Wait, that's your third net 20? Is it my third? Oh yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 00:13:24 That is sweet pain. This is ridiculous. So do we snaps down at you hard one it successfully bites you It goes to take another chomp to swallow you down you're able to catch the room that's now King my hands around each one of its bangs hell yeah, you got hand on each fang Do pull up do pull up. Oh, yeah, can I do some pull ups? Yeah, push him up. Do pull ups, do pull ups. Oh yeah. Can I do some pull ups? Yeah. You go to start doing pull ups as this snake tries to whip its body around you to constrict here.
Starting point is 00:13:51 Cool. And I do a push up too, because that's a good squat. Don't mess up those teeth. And the snake just rolled a nat one. So you do do some pull ups with the snake's fangs. That is Luna's turn. Fucking, oh! She goes for it.
Starting point is 00:14:08 Get it, yeah. She's going to a big dog. Misses with her great sword. Yeah, she's got a big dog shirt on. You don't want to run with a big dog. Stay off the porch. It's a dog sitting on a porch wearing a Hawaiian shirt. She loves that shit.
Starting point is 00:14:22 She has a beer. You standing near a grill also. Ha ha ha. She hits with her bite, but she does not hit with her sword, seven damage. NPCs aren't as good as you guys are. Hard one, that's your turn. I'm still in the snake's mouth, or I'm out of it now.
Starting point is 00:14:40 You're out of it now. All right, cool. I just want to say that I did a split when I jumped out of the snake's mouth. Or NAD 20, I'm going to allow it. I simply have to allow it. That's not NAD, but it's a 20 to hit. That hits my fucking snake. 13.
Starting point is 00:14:55 It's quite hurt. Don't forget that the snake is on fire. Gonna take my second attack here. Another 20. Not in that one. Oh, yeah. God, that was terrible. I would just kick you out of the range absolutely go to hell that is 16 damage though I'm really really high on my on my hit dice
Starting point is 00:15:14 yeah beginning a lot of tens of the snake snake is hurt Luna is impressed Boundor is impressed which is most important of all. That's awesome. I'm gonna saunter up to Bound or quickly and ask for half of a sandwich. You told me to put the bag down, brother. The bag? I put it over by the tree. Do you want me to use my movement to go get the sandwiches? I packed a wuxack last night. Give you an extra sandy man.
Starting point is 00:15:42 Did you really? I did brother. All right, good. There there is spice on that haha on that ball nor like you know I like I put some just regular old yellow mustard which is spicy to me that is Beverly started okay I'm going to define Smite the Snake. Sweet. Yeah, Smite the Snake. Smite the Snake. Smite is what palates the snake best. Smite the Snake. Hey, shit of me, Luna Australian. Oh, you're gonna smite the snake. We're gonna learn to ask.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Yeah, Balnor puts a momite on my sandwich. Hey, absolutely can't do an Australian accent. I know. But I'll just have her say her say oh I would ruin like my attraction to it 18 18 hits Okay, that's gonna be 14 I say time to keep it light and then I slash down with my my blazing sword hell yeah, all right That's just gonna be eight Eight extra damage cool second attack second attack. Second attack, second attack. Yeah, fuck him up, young babe. Yeah, yee yee. Red the bed.
Starting point is 00:16:48 Ha ha ha ha. Burn room, ha ha. Get him, kid. Fuck this snake up, little kid. Fuck him up, she wishes you. Yes, ma'am, Miss Dog. What? Miss Wok, did you call me?
Starting point is 00:17:00 It's gonna be a dog. Hell yes, Wok, ma'am. She's not a dog, she's a wolf. 16, is that it? Yes. All right, cool. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes,. Hell yes, wolf. She's not a dog, she's a wolf. 16, is that it? Yes. All right, cool. E-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C- you see that there are like white ones, you see that there are blue ones, you see that there are black ones and you see that there are gray ones that are these balloon-shaped ones and have little like holes in them. Are they like porous? Yes. I'll try and jump off one of the gray ones. Cool. See what happens. You go as you jump on the gray one it explodes okay to black spores
Starting point is 00:17:45 Oh, no give me a constitution saving throw. Oh god. It was a proto black mushroom. Oh dear You get creacred from trying to Sonic and Knuckles Peek Beverly after you hit all you have to do is roll your damage I still gonna roll my damn yeah, you'll still hit. It's a constitution. Yeah That's a natural 20 You how many flips do I do? How many fucking flips? Y'all so many 20s You you jump on this bulbous mushroom. It pops instantly.
Starting point is 00:18:27 Bound or gets crick-rott. Bound or so sick. But Bound or tosses me a sandwich in mid-air. I eat it. It gives you the nutrients you need to fight off the crick-rott. You use the momentum of the pop to jump towards the snake and you strike true. God dog I strike a wild hardshade.
Starting point is 00:18:50 It's a 13 damage. 13 damage. She's super, super hurt. Yeah. And that is moonshine stern. Consequences don't exist. I heard him, but don't hurt him too bad because Balnor could kill him. Well, so I have something else I'm gonna do. I go to Luna and I say, I know you feel bad about straddling the world between beast and humanoid.
Starting point is 00:19:13 And I want to show you just how truly beautiful it is to be a little bit of both. And then I cast Conjure Woodland Beings and Conjure for super hot satyrs. So they're basically like good goat man. Yeah. And they're hot. They're super hot. I shout to Balnor. Look Balnor, more other characters.
Starting point is 00:19:33 Oh boy. I'm, I gotta be seven or eight on the list now. Those guys are cut. Did you bring sandwiches for all of them? Oh, I packed two for a hard one because he's a hearty guy. Maybe they could have yours. Maybe they could have, oh, okay. I was kind of looking forward to having a tuna sandy.
Starting point is 00:19:51 I'll split mine with you, Valnor. Valnor packed a lot of sandwiches. It's gonna be fun. What are these guys called again? Sater. So they all have like gorgeous flowing curly locks and like they all like sort of, they all are wearing like little
Starting point is 00:20:05 Pan pipes around their necklaces They all kind of like shake them out and then I say attack boys And then they all attack did you just summon beautiful euro trash goat men in Target they're on the like Sven Den We don't eat carbs after noon. You see them? Good one, Ken.
Starting point is 00:20:30 Just leaned back. They're all gulsing like they just put us on. So, roll an- Roll an- Roll an- Roll an- Okay, it's nine. So, do they go next or are they not yet?
Starting point is 00:20:42 No. Okay, so they use the rest of my turn just sort of flexing. So are you guys gonna help her? They're like combing each other's hair. Wow, hard one attacks the coat. We're good guys. We just are really cut. They just keep posing.
Starting point is 00:21:02 They're just those really skinny muscular guys. They have like 16 packs. Ballon and I start braiding there here. That is Ballnor's turn. Should I watch the bags or should I face the snake? Attack the snake. You're a lot of the snake. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:20 Smite the snake. Hard one. Watch the bags. Ballnor's face is out is sort out and rushes towards That is what isn't his as much the back. I'm sorry. Take roll for a bow north out of the table. Oh, wow Yeah, we need your luck. So it's for Balnor That is 22 for Balnor Balnor's gonna hit or hits
Starting point is 00:21:44 Balnor. Balnor's gonna hit. No, it hits. Balnor kills this thing. What? Yes! Balnor the brave. You see, Balnor rushes forward. Hard one, watch the bags. He pulls a sword out and I'm like mid-saying, I'm not gonna watch the fucking.
Starting point is 00:22:00 He rushes right past you, not even listening. Pulls out his sword and he goes the smell you're stinking rotting flesh is ruining my appetite for tuna buddy and he slashes through the snake a wound that was already there from one of hard ones hits and he cuts right through it from a distance it looks like Balnor just sliced this dude in half on his own, off a Balnor style, and the snake splits apart. I, I, I army roll over to the bags and unwrap Balnor sandwich.
Starting point is 00:22:36 It presented to him on one knee. He snaps it out of your hand and takes a bite and he goes, hmm, just the right amount of mayo. I think that was the one with mustard on it, Belnor. I sometimes get confused because the mustard I choose is so plain. Wow, I love my new strong dad. And I love all of my kids.
Starting point is 00:22:59 Belnor snake bait. Just so y'all know, these saters are gonna be here for another hour. Okay. No one needs to say goodbye. There's another story. Oh yeah, we got a summon, summon Cobb. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:14 Let's all do some werewolf calls, so Cobb knows to beat us. Oh! Weep, weep, weep, weep, weep, weep. Saters, can you wear Wolf Call? Ow, woow, woow, woow, woow, woow. They get super tight. They do that inward, packed, flack, says they do it. Ow, woow, woow, woow.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Let's definitely send them in first. It's so worth it they're all wearing speedos. The pay wild is, it's just Europe. It's just hot, hot club guys. We talked about wearing Bahumia pizza would have been invented. It feels like it's in the Feywaiwai. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:52 That's why we haven't seen it. So you guys start howling Luna lead to, she goes, yeah, yeah. Oh, ho ho ho. Oh, ho ho ho. You guys here in the distance to the west gunshots. We're running towards that. That's good, that's good. We're running towards the gun.
Starting point is 00:24:09 You guys, gunshots always meet the person. It's well enough if these shoot is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Bound or Luna, and you guys rush to the west towards the outskirts of town. When you get there, you reach one of the cricks, this babbling stream about 25 feet across. The water is all blackened and there's strange movement inside.
Starting point is 00:24:34 You see across the creek, and the forest just outside of town, is old cob dripping wet and pointing his gun at the water. And he goes, careful, the snake's in the damn creek. And he's got his gun pointed at the water and he goes Careful the snakes in the damn prick And he's got his gun pointed at the water get the snake We get in there we get no we get not fucking snake. I don't know. They don't get in the quick That's what the snakes why
Starting point is 00:24:58 We're gonna go to the snakes guys. I don't see freaking, uh, what is that movie? With the LL Cool J, with the sharks. Deep blue sea. It's like a shark's fin, right? Deepest, blue is, my head is like a shark's fin. Deepest, blue is, my head is like a shark's fin. Deepest, blue is, my head is like, Shhh. Fashes heads.
Starting point is 00:25:18 All right, y'all think we're going swimming in, right? Can't involve into the crack, wait. You guys can't help us going in the water. Yeah. I want to look in the water. Can I see this making there? As you start to go near the water, Ol' Cobb holds his hand up.
Starting point is 00:25:31 OK. Hold on there, buddy. I think he might be waiting to pop out on us. OK. As this is all happening in the forest, you see behind Ol' Cobb, there are all these trees that all their bark is like blackened, and they've got mushrooms all up the side of them. You see as Ol' Cobb is focused on the water, you see a tree
Starting point is 00:25:51 behind him begins to walk towards him. Like roots out of the ground. Like a fucking evil tree. Oh, so not quite in style. not quite nice and this one can fucking book it This one is starts to walk towards old Cobb while he's looking at the snake in the water Cobb Cobb Cobb Three coming for you. Oh Cobb turns around and he sees this fucked up Crick-rodded triant heading right towards him. He goes oh oh shit, oh fuck! Alright, so I'm gonna take a Ganderit Bev's Amulet, first and foremost, and then I'm gonna run and jump across the creek. Cool, so we'll recover your HP. You do a running long jump, and with your remarkable athlete feet, you can do 25 feet, you can just make it across.
Starting point is 00:26:40 That is remarkable athleticism. But let it be known during this beautiful display of athleticism everyone sharing you on, the snake does burst from the water. And what would it not? Really, or not? Like free willy, but sad. And it's gonna try to bite you.
Starting point is 00:26:59 It's successfully hits with its bite, but I'll still let you do a dexterity saving throw to see if it pulls you into the water. Oh no. Oh god. 22 damage. Okay. Alright. What did you get on your dex saving throw?
Starting point is 00:27:17 15. It's not going to do it. You jumped right out of the range of the aura. I guess I'll use a luck point. Okay. So I don't go into the m I guess I'll use a luck point. Okay. So I don't go into the muck. All right, using a luck point, it's a luck or muck. I got another nine.
Starting point is 00:27:30 Oh boy. Oh. Should I use one more? I mean, it's easy. No, but I'm gonna save it in case I have to do death saving throws. Okay, I'll go into the muck. All right, so hard one does this beautiful jump across as he's about to make it to the other side.
Starting point is 00:27:51 This snake pops up and swallows him whole. Oh, that cut. Sweet. And now it is time to roll in. Sounds like an initial roll initiative. Yeah, you sure do. Tien, I got a 10. I wasted my good rolls on fucking Balmorn. A roll on Balmorn is never a roll wasted. That's true. He did kill the snake. My saiders got a 12 and I got a 22. Send the saiders into save me. Sater saiders. Moonshine, you are first. You see a snake just ate your friend and a bad tree is trying to kill your other friend.
Starting point is 00:28:32 I'm going to chill touch at the snake who just popped out. Slap them across the face. That's right. Slap them away from the food he's trying to eat. Does it 12 hit? A 12 does not hit. Okay. And then I'm misty stepping across to be a cop and then I'm shouting back to the satyrs
Starting point is 00:28:52 and I'm saying, Sven, Gwen, Rin, Dan, save Hardwall! You got it! They all start flexing. They're like the getting you for us from Dragon Balls A. They all just do these really aesthetic poses. Gosh, we will save him. Yeah, they look great. We're the rescue crew. I also also take out new bed team play a little like electro Like house music that they would like They'll just start dancing in place. It sounds like it sounds like an H&M. Doing the hand rolls. Yeah
Starting point is 00:29:23 We all work an H&M. Doing the hand rolls. Yeah. We all work at H&M. That's it. I want you to fold this snake like he's a sensible blazer. Huff and magic. All right, and that is old Cobb. Old Cobb sees his buddy hard one, gets swallowed, and he goes, no, my best friend. Hard one hears that from inside the snake.
Starting point is 00:29:44 I told you he was in the damn water. You brave bastard. He takes a shot, he misses, he's too emotional on the first shot, and he rolls a three in a one. He blasts and misses both times. Oh, this is an emotional train wreck for me. Don't worry, just let the snake pass me. I don't know, how do I'm offering words of comfort to Cobb crawling up the snake's tongue?
Starting point is 00:30:10 That is the tree's turn. Alright. The tree sneaks up behind Old Cobb and is going to take some cracks at him. Don't expect a tree. It's true. No one expects a tree. And he's going to hit twice out of three times. They get the tree that's three attacks.
Starting point is 00:30:28 He's a strong tree. Yeah, I mean, if you think about it, he's got multiple arms. 26 damaged ol' cop. God damn. That is the Sator's turn. Oh nice. Oh!
Starting point is 00:30:39 Spin! Wait, what did I name it, I'm a... Rescue crew, we are lifeguards. Spin, Rin, Din, and Fin? Of crew, we are lifeguards. Spinrin, Din, and Finn? Of course, we've got a net one. Oh no, he just falls into the water. Oh no, then a eight. Eight does not hit.
Starting point is 00:30:54 He also falls into the water. Ah! Oh wait, it wasn't a, he was a ten. Okay. Oh wait, no, is a eight. Cool, neither of them hit. There we go. There you go. 22. Okay, that hits
Starting point is 00:31:07 Okay, that's gonna be it and then gets in there now roll your D3. I'm the strong one. I'm the beefiest boy here Six damage. Six damage. How does it make looking? Oh, that's the first time he's been hit. Oh boy, and then 14 14 hits that's gonna be seven. Nice. Seven damage, nice. Massive. Rich out, guys. Thanks, we tried.
Starting point is 00:31:32 You're not just pretty faces. Did we save him? Did it work? I mean, you look good. Now we're gonna keep doing it. We're keeping it. All right. Hard one.
Starting point is 00:31:41 That is your turn. Oh yeah. You are delighted and restrained restrained planted by the snake revved up like a douche You are gonna take damage on the snakes turn but nothing happens on your turn. You're just blinded and restrained I can't do anything you're just stuck in a goddamn snake on stomach in a snake. You're just in a snake. Cool That's Bev Stern Bev pulls from his pack the water walking scroll. Okay, and jumps into the water. Sweet. Yep. And he starts going ham on this snake. Dope. I'll let you as a minor
Starting point is 00:32:14 action just like because the water walking scroll is a very minor spell. You pull out the scroll, you eat it. It's a fake tattoo. You have to apply it. Fowler goes, I don't know if you're supposed to eat the paper there, but I don't know if you're supposed to. I don't know if you're supposed to. Try putting it on some bread. Tarder sauce. Put some tartar sauce on your scroll. Use the water walking scroll and you're able to walk on this water. Nice. I do a little dance on the water.
Starting point is 00:32:40 Ice man. They start dancing with. I like you, man, they started dancing with, I like you guys. I think your friend might die in there. Okay, yeah, let's get him out. Yeah, I want to try and do some snake surgery. Do it up. Yeah, I like the frog he met. If you do enough damage, he might re-gurge. All right, cool. That's going to be 17 plus 8. I imagine that'll hit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ooh.
Starting point is 00:33:07 The saiders are all sinking in the water. As Beverly's dancing above it. I'm gonna tell the saiders that inside this lake is a really hot nightclub. This bohoovia is hottest nightclub. Yeah. That's eight damage on the first one. Eight damage, okay.
Starting point is 00:33:21 And for this one, I'm gonna try an ensnaring strike. Okay. Keep the snake from escaping. That's a 20? 20 hits. Yeah, all right, cool. A larger, larger creature's advantage on the saving throw. It's a strength saving throw.
Starting point is 00:33:34 So it might not work, but I still do normal damage in here, I think. Go ahead, do your normal damage. All right, that's gonna be 11 normal damage. Okay, he got a 20, not net. Pretty good, pretty good. Not bad. Yeah, so he breaks free of my vines.
Starting point is 00:33:50 The big snake is buff. Mm-hmm. There goes, I'm kind of impressed by that. That was kind of awesome, but I hate this fucking snake. I can make vines, it's kind of my deal. No, I was talking about the snake bursting out. Was it cool display of strength? You didn't like my little green strings?
Starting point is 00:34:04 No, they were fine. My little green strings? I have a cool display of strength. You didn't like my little green strings? No, they were fine. My little green strings? Yeah, they're big for animals. That also sounds like you're a little stain. I can't help it, everything I say sounds weird. That is the snake's turn. Okay. So at the beginning of its turn, hard one's gonna take some stomach acid damage.
Starting point is 00:34:23 He's got indigestion. He's not- He's got protection for poison, help someone against acid. Valnor did give Hard one some pepto bismol earlier. Okay. Unfortunately, they didn't give the snake pepto fizz. No! We got too much dicing in your hand, dude. This is a tough fight, guys.
Starting point is 00:34:37 Y'all are laughing and having fun, but Hard one might die. 24 damage as this acid melts away. ones thick ass skin. No, now this snake is gonna swing on Bev It's a bite at Bev and gets a 27 to hit This snake is stronger than the last snake. It do hit though the same fucking snake. It's the same. It's the same snake It's it's Huey, uh-huh, which don't have you guys critting against. This is Huey. We killed Huey. Oh, we killed Huey. We killed Huey. Oh, my bad.
Starting point is 00:35:09 Yeah, Huey's back at the crack. Huey runs. As long as it, yeah. Just wondering when his brothers will be home. 18 damage with his bite. And then he's going to try to constrict you. It's a nat 20. Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:35:24 He's going to try to constrict you to get us a nat 20 Okay, that's fine. This is all good. Yeah, very good and normal the saters. I wanted a hug He wraps around you extra hard. Oh my god. I can't believe how bad I just rolled that's great So I don't get constricted 14 no that doesn't matter 22 damage on the constriction good constricted 14. No, that doesn't matter. 22 damage on the constriction. But he rolls 3D12 plus 8, and I rolled a 1-2 and a 1 on one of the things, so it was so much less than it could have been,
Starting point is 00:35:54 especially for a crit. So you take that damage, and then you need to do a strength saving throw to try to get out of being constricted by the snake. Uh-oh. I summon all of my teen spirit. I ooze forth my aura. It's just bright green and gross, but I do roll a six.
Starting point is 00:36:17 My strength is four, so that's 10 plus four extra, so that's 14. You are wrapped up by this snake you and hard one are pressed up against each other you feel him in the snake stone one it's like to it's like when you go to visit on in prison except you're both in prison that is Luna's turn Luna oh oh oh let's go swimming in the fucking crack yeah and jumps in and it's gonna after the snake. She's gonna hit with her bites. Wolf Mommy, and with her sword. Nice.
Starting point is 00:36:49 Okay, she does 15 damage. That's pretty good. It's not bad. Mm-hmm. And that is her turn and that is Balnor's turn. Save me, Balnor. Bring a Balnor. Balnor says...
Starting point is 00:37:00 Balnor snakes, Bane. Don't worry, Master Beverly, I've killed one of these things before oh no Ubrace he runs towards the water so instantly confident Balnor crits Hey He's a champion the children's book Yeah, right for Balnor I love my new strong dad God damn right Balnor Balnor gets 15 damage dope Tron-Dead! God damn right, Valnor! Valnor gets 15 damage.
Starting point is 00:37:24 Dope. Ooh! Fronts up and slashes this snake from the side of the grave. Is that enough for me to burst? That is not enough for you to burst. Is it enough for me to get out? No. Okay, still coiled me tight.
Starting point is 00:37:35 Still coiled you tight. I feel comforted. And that is back up to moonshine. Okay, as much as I want to cast, gash is form and enter the snake, there's his nose. I think I would get in there and then I wouldn't even be able to heal you. Then you just be blind and be stressed.
Starting point is 00:37:53 And be bullying with hard ones. So just so everyone knows I want to do that, but I am making these. If you want to turn it to Gash and go into his nose and then essentially you become a person again, I will have him do a constitution saving throw. With this advantage. No, no. You will just do a regular constitution saving throw. If he passes, then you will have to do a deck saving throw and not also get swallowed. But if he fails his constitution saving throw, he will barf. Well, you end. Well, I'll be in the halo of constitution.
Starting point is 00:38:29 That is true, you will be within 10 feet of Bev because he's currently wrapped up in the snake. And I did up on my claritons today. And that's a plus four to, that's what you're hailed up for today. Yeah, plus four. Okay, I'm gonna do gash's for fucking fail. Come on.
Starting point is 00:38:43 Does anyone want to roll in front of the table for me? Yep. Here, I'll just gonna throw a dice down. He's gotta beat a, he's gotta do a 15 or higher. He has a plus five to con. So it's fast. So fast. I can't, I, one through nine, he fails
Starting point is 00:38:58 and he throws up hard one and moonshine. So moonshine turns into gas and. I go into his nose. You go into his nose. Can I actually go up his asshole? No I'm kidding we'll do nose. You go up his nose. Part of the mix asshole. He tries to keep both of you down. Oh my god. Oh no. Just do it. God bless me. You was the stupid camera. Three! Three! Oh my God! Oh my God! You get inside the snake. Oh my God. You revert back to your normal form. From the outside, you guys see the snake's cheeks puff up.
Starting point is 00:39:34 And he's suddenly- We're both waiting to eat. They're I have a tit in each cheek. He's suddenly vomit out. Hard one and the other. Oh my God. You get inside the snake. Oh my God. You revert back to your normal form. From the outside, you guys see the snake, cheeks puff up. And he suddenly... Both ways to it, they're all having a tits in each cheek.
Starting point is 00:39:46 He suddenly vomits out. Hard one and a moonshine out on the cob's side of the crick. Oh, nice. Oh my God, that's the biggest gamble I think I've ever taken. I'm looking at the whole thing. What the heck just happened? Oh my God. Yeah, Beverly Meanwhile is wrapped up so hurt.
Starting point is 00:40:05 Hard one, foul nor style, in like a pile of goopy stomach acid is spit out on the other side of the creek. Munchan, it is damn good to see it. Oh. Oh boy, that was awesome. And the way you threw the dice, the murp, threw the dice over his DM screen onto the coffee table that we're all sitting around.
Starting point is 00:40:25 Big lob. Oh my god. God damn. I knew you'd never, never do those. I'm gonna take a photo of this three. Oh. So huge. Hell yes.
Starting point is 00:40:36 I knew I had to throw that one because I roll really bad. I have called a little disease. Oh my god, I'm still coming down from that. Yeah, it was amazing. My God, what a fucking rush. Oh, that really was. That was a fucking gambling rush. That was a dirty thing.
Starting point is 00:40:53 This is why you fucking play. It's also like we didn't win money. Our make-believe characters just got out of its name. We're beyond money. This is like deal with the devil shit. I would, well yeah, I would have Venmo'd Murph a hundred bucks just don't let him have that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, This is like the ultimate time for it to come into play. I'm so glad that we could enable your bad decisions and that they would pay off. Okay, so you see, O'Cop takes two shots against the snake.
Starting point is 00:41:30 He misses on the first one, but you see a shadow bullets come out the second time. Yeah, I'm using my magic. I got my old gun back, but he- That's my goddamn best friend. Yeah. The snake is gonna make a wisdom saving throw and passes, unfortunately.
Starting point is 00:41:49 But does take Jesus, 18 damage. Hell yeah. Or those magic shadow bullets who would make a snake feel bad about themselves. He gets psychic damage so kind of. The snake goes, Ssssss my brother? I'm nothing without all my brother. I'll never live up to Huey. Oh, her dewey is it.
Starting point is 00:42:12 He's Huey. Hard to give a straight. He's Huey. He's Huey. He's Huey. Dewey's Dunzo. Dewey is Dunzo. Dewey's Dunzo.
Starting point is 00:42:20 That's how you remember. This evil tree sneaks up behind Cobb, sneaks up behind. Ooh and crits crits Cobb you gotta watch your back 21 damage on the first hit against Cobb. Oh God 21 of the first Second hit is for nine damage Cobb's looking a like pretty fucked up. He's he's below half health Someone tells me I'm gonna be using all my spells, healing everyone for the rest of the day. And that is, that is the say to his transfer. Your fate is, Sven, Glenn.
Starting point is 00:42:52 Yes, what will we do? We are in the lifeguards. Jen with a nest. Just rubbing the crick-mock all over their oily, mussely bodies and dancing. It's very distracting. It's very distracting. They're all just gonna attack.
Starting point is 00:43:05 It's housework. Are they like swimming in the water? 23 is gonna hit. 23 hits, yeah. Was that Sven or when or Dan? Sven hits it for five. Five, okay. Does 12 hit?
Starting point is 00:43:19 12 does not hit. Hmm. I have a feeling 18 is gonna hit. 18 hits? No, five. I'm a feeling 18's gonna hit. 18 hits? It's another five. I'm just picturing them all treading water and just kind of like punching the snake. Yeah, the snake, when it, the crick isn't that deep, the snake when it was like hiding in the water was,
Starting point is 00:43:36 if you had like stuck your foot in, you would have immediately like felt the snake there. Yorika. Okay, and then the final one does hit. Hey, we only train our glamour muscles for eight eight never mind You got to pay attention to the core Hard one that's your turn all right you're back. You're not blinded and restrained mad at this snake oh Swing it's late
Starting point is 00:44:03 And I'm gonna use a luck point, because I just rolled the three. Insane. I rolled the one. I'm gonna use my last lock point. Tandet, we're not doing anything else today. Yeah, 14 hits, all right? 14 just hit, so. God damn.
Starting point is 00:44:21 I really just wanted to hit the snake. 16 damage. Alright, and now my second attack. Aha! 13 hits, right? 13 does not hit. Finally, it's catching up to you after all these crit. Followed in the name.
Starting point is 00:44:38 God damn, that was right after crit. And I have no more luck points, so I have to... You're just like one of us now. Yeah, I'm gonna use my Sackle no no to heal myself a little bit. Oh good second. We're gonna hear yourself. Bev it is your friendly Bebs turn be it Bev you are restrained so for long you need to beat an 18 okay to get out Okay, so that's gonna be 19 plus my saving throw bonus. You burst out of it. Oh that's cool. Oh. Inspired by seeing your friends barfed out.
Starting point is 00:45:09 Hahaha. Hahaha. I see your friend turn into gas and then only appear. Inspired by seeing the saiders dancing. Hahaha. Yeah. Ben and the move. Ben and Boob's got gas.
Starting point is 00:45:21 I used to be a saider hater but no more. Hahaha. I love these little guys. That is dancing. I'm getting like, they're whipping me with their hair. It's like a car wash. Would you give me advantage if I misty stepped hind of the air so that I could divine smite down
Starting point is 00:45:39 onto the snake? Yes, that's metal as hell. Alright, cool. Dope. I ffff Out of the- Out of the water. Beautiful. And then I'm airborne.
Starting point is 00:45:48 I'm flipping around. Gaining velocity. And then I second level divine, Smite. Sweets. Swinging with advantage, see if you hit. Okay. The club music gets louder as Bev gets closer. S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S- Seven and a nine, but a nine plus eight, 17. That'll hit. That'll hit. So roll your damage and do all your smite damage.
Starting point is 00:46:08 That's a 13 normal damage. Oh yeah. And then 3d8. Let's see. And then 12 radiant damage. Nice. Nice. A, that's my first attack.
Starting point is 00:46:20 You bamf. Night crawler up there. Pull out your sword, swing down with a beautiful radiant strike And then you take a regular tag But it's like I land real hard and all the saters are like around me And I'm still I still my waterwalk scroll so I do do a beat boy move It's like when the beat drops and like a phone party. It's like in his and then like,
Starting point is 00:46:47 just pull the bottle. Like splash something up. Everybody's pulling. Oh, that's a good call. Can we say that? You do like an Iron Man jump. You put your fist in and wash. Yes, can we say that Bev had some clothing detergent
Starting point is 00:47:00 in his bag and so that turns the crick into foam. It's a foam party. It's a foam party. Yeah. It's a foam party. Yeah, it's a foam party. For some reason I'm getting vibes of that car commercial with all the hamsters dancing. That's just fucking wonderful, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:16 Yeah, apparently in all these fucking hamsters. I go ahead and make a second attack. Imagine if after all these wacky antics, there was player death. There's the trees at full health. Yeah, the snake isn't in the dark. I think it's the re-fucking attack. That's 18.
Starting point is 00:47:30 18 to hit. To hit, yeah. That hits. I mean, that's 13 more damage. On that attack, sweet. Nice. And that concludes my turn. I return to the Sator Fry.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Sweet. That we're doing like synchronized swimming. As you're doing, the Molly is just kicking it. I get a passifier. I'm going to say, you know what, the snake's going to go after moonshine. He's mighty mad. Yeah, bring it on. Bring it on.
Starting point is 00:47:57 Bring it on. That's a 23 to hit. I mean, I guess you could say that hit. Bring it on, but within reason. Bring it on gently. Knock first and then bring it on. I just rolled so terribly on his arm. Oh good. Only 11 damage.
Starting point is 00:48:14 I saw you making faces and I was like, oh god, 11? Okay. 11 damage and then roll the dexterity saving throw. It's a non-safe. Moon Shine is swallowed by the snake. God damn it, fuck. And now it's gonna try to constrict Bev. 18 a hit, that does not hit you. Nope, you jump back.
Starting point is 00:48:34 Ha ha! That again, that is Luna's turn. Luna's gonna take her bite and her great sword attack. She hits with her great sword, 14 damage. Nice, Luna, a headbutter. She had butchiebath. She's wearing armor, dude. Snake keeps fucking in people, and I think that's lame!
Starting point is 00:48:53 What the fuck is this dude? That's a balnor. Come on, balnor. What should I do, Master Beverly? Do you have any slim gyms? I'm just gonna attack, Okay. So Balnor takes a swing. He misses on his first attack. He is gonna use his action surge and he's gonna swing again. About time.
Starting point is 00:49:12 And he hits this time. Yes. Note to self. Make sure Balnor is always full of tuna. He does seven damage to the snake. Well done, Balnor. Thanks. I tried. Munchine. That's your turn. You are blinded and restrained. That is Cobbs turn. Wait, I can't blinded and restrained. That is Cobbs turn. Wait, I can't like cast something. No, that is Cobbs turn. He takes two shots. And she at least toot inside the snake.
Starting point is 00:49:31 So yeah, you can chew it a little. If you roll a net, if you roll a net 20, you can shit yourself and make the snake throw up. That's the roll I'll make. I got a net one. What does that mean? It smells good. The snake likes it.
Starting point is 00:49:44 You try it afar and you accidentally burp a little bit of crawfish and the snake is licking its lips. But old Cobb does 23 damage. Nice Cobb. Predator hands shaking. That's the tree's turn. Oh, tree, fuck this tree. I'm still here. I'm a tree. a tree. I'm not gonna. I'm a
Starting point is 00:50:07 I don't mean to do what I'm doing We make a house out of you boy. He hits he's he's he him walkover while you guys are insulting this tree And he just boom boom boom slams all the cop into the ground three times. Oh, no, you get three times Yeah, I need to be healing people me getting Yeah, you gotta get you out. He does 18 damage on the first hit against cob 12 damage on the second hit old cop goes down. No Good berries. Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:50:41 O cop goes down He's actually gonna take his last swing at hard one because hard one's right there. Hard one this actually doesn't hit you because it is a 16 hit. Great. So the last slam comes down on hard one and misses but O'Cobb does go down.
Starting point is 00:50:55 That is the Sators turn. Of course. Oh yeah. I would love if the Sators killed. These two huge snakes are killed by the Sators and Dallan. Yes, men his for eight That's that's looking spelled. Yeah, I play my pen pipe. I play my pipe. I do crossfit. Jen's hits for four nice
Starting point is 00:51:17 Oh, just went a little way Dead just in for eight then no then it for nine Let's go say it is No, then no, then it for nine. No, it's a close one. Nine. Oh my god. Goodness. Let's go, say iters. Are you still hitting? All four of the say iters hit. When it's for seven. This snake is so fucked up.
Starting point is 00:51:35 I'm so ready to go. All men just say it. This snake is so fucked up. The say iters are just fucking dancing and pounding on this thing. Ben was playing, Ben played, well you're playing, I'm playing the wood pounding on this thing. Bebs playing, and that play, well you're, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do still taking the tech. No, I'm gonna say that's an action. You gotta shove them up in there. Hard ass. Fine, I'm gonna kill the snake. Go for it. We're tried to.
Starting point is 00:52:09 20, 20 hits. Ooh! You've really got our number. Fuck them up, fuck them up. 12, dead. F and oh. Yes, sir! Oh, great.
Starting point is 00:52:19 I just punch the snake through the eye, grab moonshine's hand, and pull her out through the snake's brain. This thing, uh, this thing explodes in a cascade of gunk, and moonshine is spit out of it. Oh! Do I get to take a second attack? Yeah, you can take a second attack against the tree if you want.
Starting point is 00:52:36 Great, I'm gonna swing my axe at the tree. Chop chop. I'm a sick tree. I wish I could save you, but I'm just gonna have to chop you down. Help me, I'm just sick. Now, we'll, yeah, we'll make a lot of fun canoes out of you. 25 to hit the tree. I wish I could save you but I'm just gonna have to chop you down. Help me, I'm just sick. No, yeah, we'll make a lot of fun. Canoes out of you. 25 to hit the tree. That hits 18 damage on that tree. Sweet. That is... Bev's turn. I vault off of the satyrs.
Starting point is 00:52:58 And get over to the tree. Who's near me? Just hard one. Okay. I guess we're on a moon chat. Let me revive Cobb. Okay, go for it. Yeah, yeah. I will just, oh yeah, I'll use the rest of my touch hands.
Starting point is 00:53:13 Okay, sweet. I won't use it all. I'll just use it enough to give them like a stimulus. Okay, so you want to give them like 10 HP? Yeah. Cobb pops back up with 10 HP. Hey best friend. Hey, good to see you again.
Starting point is 00:53:24 Welcome back sir. That is Luna's turn. Luna's gonna need to use a full turn. She runs and she tries to jump across the water. She doesn't make it. She is super heavy in all her armor. Just can and falls into the water brutally. Wait, I just tough mutters out of this.
Starting point is 00:53:45 She just bland up the satyrs. Yeah, she just runs into a satyr, unceremoidiously, just like, they're all grinding on her. She fucking tough mutters out. Oh, oh, oh, I love doing these on Saturdays. Yeah, we know, he's hired T-Shirt. Rise and shine, it's my Instagram pose. The rock style.
Starting point is 00:54:06 I wake up at four. That is Boundor's turn. Boundor is going to do the same thing except way less cool. Oh. Because he has all of our bags. Boundor's holding the bags. You can leave the bags on that side of the crib. I just feel like there's monsters around and I don't want anybody a lute and throw them, okay?
Starting point is 00:54:25 I don't want anybody sniffing around back here. Yeah, there are opposites. I don't feel comfortable This isn't a nice neighborhood. You see bound or puts all the bags over his head And he like walks across the creek as to not get any of them wet But he does get splashed by the saiders dancing a little bit. Yeah, the saiders grind up on him And I roll to see how many leeches he gets on him sure That's 20 Dancing a little bit. Yeah, the fingers grind up on him. Yeah, I roll to see how many leeches he gets on him sure That 20 Oh, dear is that good does that he gets he gets do you want him to have leeches or no? No, I got enough one big leech he gets one big leech. Ah, that's a big sucker
Starting point is 00:55:02 That's your pet now and now you won't hit the tree. No That's back around a moonshine. I feel like a little more. Friends of the forest help me. Yeah, this bitch can call Bolt. Oh no. Oh no. He makes a dexterity saving throw. I'm counting on him being and not a very dexterous fuxing assy was once over. He has negative one, but he starts to like, pounce around. He rolled a dang three, so he gets a two, shout out to the two crew. Okay. All right, catch him, fire, you bitch.
Starting point is 00:55:34 School of six is 27. Yep, 27, geez. Woo, 27. Awesome. He's looking pretty hurt, but he's not quite on just fire. Yep. I'm super flammable Lightning bolt hits him and he lights on fire
Starting point is 00:55:50 Everything hurts my emotions hurts the the mushrooms take over my body now. I'm on fire This is the worst day of my life. You know what if I were you I would want to die because if I if you were really If you really had any allegiance for the quick you'd'd want to die, so you stop hurting it. That's not your choice to make. Hold on, could you walk before you die? Yeah, I'm just gonna kill you. Uh, that is... Cobbs turn.
Starting point is 00:56:14 Hmm. Cobbs back to life. Get this tree. Alright, you sneaky, churly motherfucker. He even fucking slamming me from behind. He been fucking slamming me from behind. Uh, Cobb, shoot into this tree with a vengeful blunderbush shot for 11 damage. I will have revenge on this tree. That's right, that is the tree's turn.
Starting point is 00:56:38 Still just a tree though, so. I hate this tree. This tree is my enemy. Just like there's like more. We need to settle things right here. Big of targets. This is the tree, it's him. Just don't blow your load on the tree buddy.
Starting point is 00:56:52 The tree slams him back down in unconsciousness. This is unhealthy by enemy. Oh, cop goes out. Tree takes swing at hard one. Is he on fire? Usually the ignite flammable thing is D10 every turn. He is vulnerable to fire, so he's gonna take 2D10s. Oh, I rolled a 10 and a 6.
Starting point is 00:57:14 So he takes 16 damage. Is this three fucked up, right? At the start of his turn, he's quite fucked up. I was already fucked up, I'm a 6 tree. Don't think that's real bad for you. You're trying to kill me. You're trying to kill my best friend. I just want to kill him because I'm saying. It was a bad reason.
Starting point is 00:57:32 It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a bad reason. It was a How'd you like to be a real nice crit front stun? He tries, you got legs, you can walk right up to the front of the crit.
Starting point is 00:57:45 He tries to slam hard one. He's crying thing about being a stump. He misses, he takes a second attack, he does hit. He gets a 21 to hit. Mm-hmm, that is. Ooh, three ones on my 3D 6s, that's only gonna be eight damage to hard one. And that is the Saiders turns yeah they're
Starting point is 00:58:06 still here they have a movement of 40 so they can move it moving saiders parties up here all right what's out bad boys and girls does a 11 hit no 15 15 does not hit saiders are having a harder time. 18. 18 hits. That's gonna be a eight from Den. Okay, oh my God, Sator's gonna kill a tree. 18 does hit.
Starting point is 00:58:34 18 hits, the Sators are pretty clutch right now. Sator's seven from Jens. This tree is quite tough, and that's hard on starting. The love reject. Seven from Jans this this tree is is quite That's hard one starting the lumberjack Cobb this one's for you brother 22 22 hits. Oh, Cobb is out Gurgling blood on the ground 12 damage 12 damage hard one finishing this tree
Starting point is 00:59:05 Can I pop a good bearing in Cobb's before I do? Share it so you can see it. Yeah. Pop a good berry and cobsmouth. I have Beth prop them up and open his eyes. And then I swing through the tree, Babe Ruth style. Is the most beautiful god damn thing I've ever seen. I love you best friend. I'm fucking hated that tree.
Starting point is 00:59:20 I love you my best friend. Cobb, how about we, how about if we may get out of this we can turn this into a second stump for you? I would love to live in the stump of my vanquished enemy. Whatever you need buddy. I've got a lot of misplaced rage right now. I feel like maybe it's not the tree that I'm mad at if that makes sense. Oh yeah. I've been met at it next before.
Starting point is 00:59:47 You gotta let it go, come on. So you guys have just finished this insane battle. The sailors are still there. They're gonna be there for a little bit. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm want it, buddy? Babe, if you just play, what instrument do you have again? I got all the flute. Yeah, will you just play your flute while we all grind with the satyrs? Bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's
Starting point is 01:00:37 gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier. Bird Dogs stretchy khakis are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg to give you a truly sculpted look. And instead of making their clothes out of restricting cotton, Bird Dog's invented a cloud-knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having a sacrifice movement. And trust me, you are going to need all the movement you can get when you and your brothers
Starting point is 01:01:04 and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother, make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-a or enter promo code pop-a at checkout. That's birddogs.com slashcom slash Papa or promo code Papa for a free Yeti style Tumblr. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you.
Starting point is 01:01:32 Okay, that's it for me, go team pants and enjoy the show. Take a gander. Oh, we, can we say that our short rest was like a short grind. So that we were grinding the whole time. Yeah, see you guys, rest up. Oh wait, can we say that our short rest was like a short grind? Yeah. So that we were grinding the whole thing. So you guys rest up. You, Luna literally licks her wounds, but you guys are all grinding and dancing the whole
Starting point is 01:01:53 time. And the sailors do the watch halfway through the party. Oh no! I watch as Luna licks her wounds. I'm going to take one of those snake fangs. Oh, sweet. Yeah. Oh yeah, we got to take both of the snake thanks.
Starting point is 01:02:05 We got to bring him back to Louis. Oh yeah. Oh, to deliver his brother back to him. Yeah, absolutely. I got to deliver him. You mean, do it back to Louis. So while you guys are doing your short rest, you begin to hear the sounds of trees slamming
Starting point is 01:02:20 up against each other. Branches and leaves like crashing, it almost sounds like a bad storm, and you also hear a crow calling. Ah! Ah! That's a crow. You just know that. I mean, it could be a raven or a rook,
Starting point is 01:02:35 but I think it's a crow. I mean, so... Hard to tell which part is it. The past as someone who is, you know, a lover of death and decay, I've thought of crows as good luck But I don't know I mean we're kind of in the upside down fungus is suddenly a bad thing which is not something I'm used to I don't know if this crow is gonna be good or not. It's obsy turvy
Starting point is 01:02:56 Yeah, and there's also there's trees hitting each other somewhere. Yeah The tree all this bunching each other I mean it sounds like a tree battle, right? So that maybe that's good Maybe we could get some good trees and recruit them to our cause. Hmm. If there's any healthy trees out there They don't want this Crick right? Okay, yeah, let's go well. Let's go a cast pass without trace. Okay, we sneak up Okay, see if there's a good tree So you guys start sneaking up through the woods and moonshine you would sneak up on the streets. See if there's a good tree.
Starting point is 01:03:25 So you guys start sneaking up through the woods and moonshine, you would know that on the outskirts of the creek is the living wood where there are all these awakened trees. Okay, so I say that really just as a way and I know that information. Yeah, so there's just a lot of living wood. Yeah. Do they all walk around? Is that a thing they can do? Some of them. Yes, some of them. Oh, okay. I Don't ask me more. I know a lot about them
Starting point is 01:03:52 What is their AC your face looks very vacant as you guys travel through the forest You see that all of the trees around here are dead and you see that there are many awakened ones that their faces are just like frozen and horror like these dead trance that are just frozen there. So they do wear pants. Thank you for clarifying me. There's just a pair of Wranglers on one of the different trees. It's got holes in the knees. It's clearly bought it in the 80s.
Starting point is 01:04:21 And you guys hear this tree battle getting louder and louder and this bird going ape shit and You finally see two of these living trees these triants battling it out They've both got the blackened bark and mushrooms and look super sick But you see one is on top of the other like choking him and beating the shit out of him, like punching him. Okay. Hey.
Starting point is 01:04:48 I mean, I guess that's our guy. Let's maybe, unless he's beating up the good guy. Yeah, no. I called with a crow. Okay. I talked to the animals of the crow. You can speak to animals of the crow. Excuse me.
Starting point is 01:05:01 Hi. I'm speeding up my friend. He's speeding up my friend. Let's go Okay, let's go on an attack the tree I relate all that Breaking up boys Yeah, I'll shaleilian and hit the tree that's being the guy up. Okay, so you run over and you're gonna attack the tree That's beating the other one. I don't you run over and you're gonna attack the tree that's beating the other one I don't know why I instantly trust the crow, but yeah, I'm gonna swing my ass
Starting point is 01:05:28 Crows are good. Hard one the crow knows the crow knows I'm gonna swing my axe at the go ahead of the tree on top of it. Make an attack cool 18 hit that tree that hits Nine damage on that tree hard one finishes tree. Oh, they They were, this is like the end of a UFC fight and you essentially just showed up and kicked a tired guy. Yeah, so I like show, I run up with a chair. Yeah, this is WW style. You run up from behind this tree, you ax him in the back.
Starting point is 01:05:59 He goes, ah, treachery. And the other one flips him over and starts punching him in the face until the other tree is gone I asked the crow are you sure that this is okay? I mean it's fucked up, but yes, this is the I mean are there any good Guys really really saw them all of a second. Well, you know I Just talking to Beverly. Okay.
Starting point is 01:06:26 I give a... I was just like, what's he saying? I give a thumbs up, Dard one. Yeah, you know. I give a confused thumbs up. I also give a thumbs up. I tell the Crow to give a thumbs up. Can I try to...
Starting point is 01:06:39 Can I talk to the tree that just beat the shodown? Yeah, the tree, the tree. That broer said you were his friend. I kicked the tree and I'm like, give the thumbs up. Like, why aren't you giving the thumbs up? He gives you a thumbs up, but he's so tired.
Starting point is 01:06:52 Does he have to be a toy guy? Ugh, thanks. Thanks for the assist there. Sure. You got it. Hey, what's the deal with all these fucking evil trees? Oh, you're telling me man these guys got no Constitution I'm out here. I'm out here trying to help nature man. This is all this fucking crow's the only animal left around
Starting point is 01:07:14 You need a little heal up. Yeah Can I heal them up a little bit? I would love a fucking heal up man. I I I it with life sucks ass With the best of intentions. I use the last of my touch hands on this tree. Oh, I give him, I give him a good berry. He's at like 10 HP right now. Oh, berries, the fucking love berries, thanks guys. Aren't, aren't berries kind of like, whoo.
Starting point is 01:07:36 From you? Isn't that like eating your own hair or something? Yeah, it's fucked up, but there's more fucked up stuff going on. Kids are going to get the garbage. We're in the goddamn fox. Things are bad. Okay, true that. We've you gotta eat berries when we can
Starting point is 01:07:49 Oh, man, you see he's just like leaning over like hands on the knees almost Yeah, but we only got we only got enough All right, he gets a tuna sandwich to the tree Oh, it's good. It's been a while since I've had tuna guys I got I got the crick-grout bad. I'm not gonna lie. What's your name, man? My name's Greenshade Greenshade. Yeah, I used to have More green up top, huh? He waves at his Baron branch. I laugh at him He waves at his Baron branch. I laugh that out. I don't get it.
Starting point is 01:08:25 It's because I'm bald now. But yeah, that's tree has been going nuts. I'm not feeling particularly good myself. I'm feeling it branched at times. Hey, Luna, bring that wine skin over. Yeah, Luna, hands the wine skin over the tree. I'm a fucking tree. I don't know if this is going to work for me, but I'll try anything.
Starting point is 01:08:46 Give it a shot, man. It takes the wine. You see the crow flies over and perks up on the tree's branch. He goes, oh, it's my little buddy, flew in here a few days ago. Has him been able to hunt anything real, really, because all the meat's gone bad. All the crick-ails out here, crazy, all the trees are crazy. all the uh all the crickles out here crazy all the trees are crazy it's kind of nice to see people out here are completely insane although I'm going a little insane oh I don't see
Starting point is 01:09:12 that okay he throws up some black gunk so bad day for me I'm gonna put my hand out to Balnor for another half of a tuna sandwich for the bird oh we are we're giving it to birds now. Yep. Come on. Come on. We are going to stand you with the tuna ball, Norris. OK. That's our motto. Let's call it a day.
Starting point is 01:09:30 I'm the keeper of the bags. And I pull out the tuna sandwich. All over of the bags. Hands it to a hard one. You see the crow flies over to a hard one and starts eating out of your hand. Well, that's things cute. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Starting point is 01:09:44 Oh, come on. Ha. Haha. Haha. Haha. Haha. See, Luna goes, you're like really good with animals, dude. Really? Uh, bad news. What did the crow say? What did the crow say? You still talk to this bird?
Starting point is 01:09:54 Yeah, yeah, I got unlocked. All right. Can you ask if I could pet its beak? Um, my friend wants to touch your beak? I'm really glad that he asked actually, sure. What did it say, Beth? Haha. I don't know what it's at. I'll bring the bird's beak. I'm really glad that he asked actually sure what did it say best
Starting point is 01:10:13 Ask first he said it was cool, but like he's glad that you asked I petted it so fast Pretty bird it's a good pretty bird. It's a good for you. It's cool. It's got it's got it's surprisingly tender hands Yeah, I take out pop on I kind of like spit in my hand and like make the part in his hair and I'm like, make a good impression. What's your name? My, my sable friend? I'm just crow, we're not super creative. You know, I don't, don't be so hard on yourself. No, you know what, it's fucked up.
Starting point is 01:10:38 Do you want, do you want a name? I don't really care, I'm a bird. Okay. I'm, I'm presenting, I'm presenting Paw Paw in a romantic way to the crowd. Trying to matchmaker. I'm parted in his hair. Bram, bram.
Starting point is 01:10:53 They keep turning around and I keep turning him back. This is our from Paw Paw. Hey, bram, bram. We've been going through some dark stuff ourselves, but you can never lose hope. Do does this lady know that a bird can't fuck a possum? Does could you convey that? Bird a possum fuck a bird?
Starting point is 01:11:10 I can tell her that. I don't know if it would make a difference. I've pulled Pop-Pos-I, and I'm giving him like a little homemade condom, and I'm like trying to teach him about protection. Fluffing Pop-Pop. This tree is just like so tired. He's like Some of this stuff some of these mushrooms make you hallucinate and stuff
Starting point is 01:11:31 I don't know if I'm hallucinating you guys seem fucking weird. Oh, are there any of those? Are there any mushrooms around? Yes, there's black and white mushrooms all over this. What about the blue ones? There are no blue ones around. Oh, would it help if we picked off any of these mushrooms? Would anybody? It would be super cool for me, man. Alright. Really? That'd be fucking awesome. These things suck ass.
Starting point is 01:11:50 Let's go to work on this street. I'll be careful, put little gloves on or something. Oh, yeah. I'll use my axe and just shave. Okay. I'll shave the tree of the mushroom. Oh, that feels good. I picked them off with my ankle.
Starting point is 01:11:58 You know what? It's like scratching poison ivy. I don't know if it's good for me, but it feels good. Does that make sense? How's that wine working? I'm a little bit drunk. I got drunk. I got drunk. I'm a little bit drunk. I got drunk. I got drunk.
Starting point is 01:12:05 A little bit faster. And I thought maybe that I would, because I'm a tree. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to have some of this wine. It's fine. I'm a tree. But I'm drunk. I got to be honest right now.
Starting point is 01:12:13 I am fucking wasted. More power to you. Yeah, thanks, guys. I'll take a nap at that. Anyway, here you go. Yeah. I just got to use this crick-rotting tree. You just see all over the rim of the
Starting point is 01:12:26 wine skin is black spores. I pour it to the side of my mouth. That's good. And then I bury the wine skin. Grinch, we've been out in this fog for a long time. Do you have like a safe haven or some place we could go? Oh yeah. Yeah, I know a safeish place I could take you. You guys wanna ride? Or we can ride? What are you thinking? Yeah, I'm a big tree. You are a big tree.
Starting point is 01:12:51 Can you wild shape into a wolf also? What? What? We got wild shape and tree, y'all. I don't know, that's what it meant. I mean, like I'm a tree, then you could, I can walk. So you could like climb the tree, and then I can walk, other than a day's in climber. I'm not gonna say no to that.
Starting point is 01:13:08 Moonshine, constant trade's really hard and tries to wild shape into a tree, can I? Rollin' at 20. I'm a bullshit roll. Do it right now. I'm gonna bullshit check. That's a net. Nine.
Starting point is 01:13:21 That's a net nine. Do I get like one little sprout a leaf a brown leaf? Printing your own money Yeah, do I sprout a brown leaf a brown leaf really painfully comes out of one of your pores? You're going to jail. Wow, that was weird. That was a counterfeit leaves One big tree One big tree. All right. I'm gonna climb the tree. Sit next to the crow.
Starting point is 01:13:46 Ah! He got a scoots over from the good bird. I know Papa to go next to the crow. Right here. Right here. Scoots back to hard one as Papa makes his approach. Yeah, there is a little bromance. There are bromance happening between papa and the bird.
Starting point is 01:14:05 It's obviously a chromance. A chromance? Y'all, we got a chromance. A lot of people in this party are hooked up with birds, they got to say. Papa's just yapping at it. Riiiing, riiing. And the birds are going, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I think like he gets the joke. Must have been a bad cromance. I say to no one. Caught up in a bad cromance.
Starting point is 01:14:27 We're living up punches, you and the other. We're gonna stop. Stop with the freaking puns, dude. Where's the tree taking us? So, green shade, I start walking. You guys are up in the branches now. Whoa, whoa. We're throwing style.
Starting point is 01:14:42 Green shade takes you guys deeper into the woods. You're heading west along a path for a while. Oh, cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.
Starting point is 01:14:52 Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.
Starting point is 01:15:00 Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. One other alive tree that I've seen recently, it's not even a waking tree, it's like a regular alive tree. Like one with like brown bark and shit. Oh. Yeah, just like normal, normal ass tree.
Starting point is 01:15:12 It's like a normy tree. It's just a normy alive tree, which is, believe it or not, something to get siphoned about these days. Yeah, I do. I love your inner. Yeah, thanks, man. It's been a dark couple weeks.
Starting point is 01:15:24 I guess it's kind of like a mannequin for you, right? Is that like a mannequin for you? A little, you know what it's like? It's like a dog. Like it's, it's, it's Trees Best Friend is, Awaken Trees Best Friend is a regular, a live tree.
Starting point is 01:15:39 A regular tree. Yeah, I love trees. Yeah. You see he's like stopped and he's just talking to you. You see like evil mushroom guys appearing in the forest. Oh, let's keep moving. Yeah, one up right right on so eventually he diverts from the path and starts taking you guys deeper into the woods You see that there are less and less of these frozen dead awakened trees as you get further from the path and they're just regular old dead trees, but in the distance. But in the distance you see some greenery. You get there and there is one lush green tree with a little patch of green grass around it. The trees nearby
Starting point is 01:16:17 are still all dead. Everything else around it is still dead but this tree remains. Nearby there's a hill with giant rocks all over and you see the entrance to a cave. And when you get to this tree, as Olkop starts to approach, he goes, oh my lord. What's up, Cubs? You recognize this tree, first kiss, when Maribel under it or something. I recognize this tree. Olkop takes you over to the tree, and he points to carving on the tree. There's a heart on it.
Starting point is 01:16:51 It says, and we P. M and C. So, why do you think the tree's still alive? Do you think that means she's good? Do you think that means love can conquer all? What are we thinking here? Okay, conquer all? What are we thinking here, okay? You really, what are we thinking here? Maybe we can ask the tree.
Starting point is 01:17:10 Yeah, I can't speak with plants. Do you have a speak with plants? That's very good. I'm gonna go spend my youth wandering around the living wood and I can't get a tree to chat. It's your good chatty folks. You thought you liked dogs before, I can't get a tree to chat. She's a good chatty person. You thought you liked dogs before, watch this. Oh shit, you're gonna make the tree talk?
Starting point is 01:17:31 Well, she is, but. Can we say that? Can we say speakable plants? Like, I kind of tickle them to life. I like tickle them and then they get chatty. Yeah, sure. So I go over to this tree. I'm like, Cobb, this is the tree you like so much.
Starting point is 01:17:43 I love this tree, he hugs it. And then I reach up to one of his branches, so that looks like an armpit, and then I tickle it. You tickle it. Tree tickling. Trickling. Suddenly, the tree screams. Oh, and you hear Mooshine.
Starting point is 01:18:03 What did it say? It's no shine over and over again, you hear in your head. I'm sorry, Jolene, I'm sorry, Jolene, I'm sorry, Jolene. What are you sorry for? I'm sorry, Jolene, I'm sorry, Jolene. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, spirit and the, speak with plant spell breaks. Okay. What did the tree say? It sounded like a lot of yelling.
Starting point is 01:18:30 Uh huh. It grew a mouth and yelled and it stopped. It was not a good conversationalist to start with. There was not really a back and forth. There was more of a monologue in my face and it just sort of repeated, I'm sorry, Joleen. So, Cobb, I don't think this tree is alive in a happy way. This is a weird dog. It's a torture tree. Say anything about me, specifically.
Starting point is 01:18:54 No, no, no, it repeatedly screamed, I'm sorry, Joleen, I'm sorry, Joleen. It is living a tortured existence. So, yes, it is alive, but it is about it. Um, I don't know if I trust this nice little green patch among all the death and decay. This is like a nice area. This is in a picnic spot. I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to pull up my sleeping sack here. Just feeling the cave. Yeah, cave it is. Let's go sleep in the cave. I mean let's just do a straight up barcona check while we're here. Maybe okay, go ahead Oh 14 bev you feel a little bit of evil coming from in the cave So I'm ain't right in there. Something's up. Hey everyone. I'm getting some I'm getting some little tingles
Starting point is 01:19:39 I'm getting some some dark tingles coming from that cave spot moonshine Your skin begins to feel itchy. Go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw. Don't forget to add. Oh, plus four, right? Okay, so 23. Okay. Moonshine.
Starting point is 01:20:01 This is Cricrat, or is this from speaking with plants? This is from Cricrat. You begin to hear some voices in your head going, the cave, the cave, find me in the cave. You could find me in the cave, find me in the cave. Y'all. Now, natural LAM, far too wise, to fall for such tricks. But there is knowledge in knowing that there are tricks amongst us,
Starting point is 01:20:21 and one of those tricks is someone's talking in my head. St. Balnor Spalnor is seriously scratchy because neck and he goes, I think we should go in the cave. I'm going in the cave. I'm going in the cave. Down or tie Balnor to me. Yeah, yeah, so I think the cave is not an option. Someone's trying to lure us into the cave, which means that there's a trap. In fact, perhaps this lush canopy is a trap in itself. How many traps are we working with? It seems no less than two.
Starting point is 01:20:47 So I agree, Shade. Why the fuck did you bring us here? There's nothing I've been near this freaking weird-ass tree for like, oh, weeks now. The tree hasn't done anything to me, man. Are you sure it hasn't done anything positive? Okay, here's what we're gonna do. One, moonshine, anytime the voice talks to you, just run a quick check with old buddy hard one right here.
Starting point is 01:21:09 Down the floor, you ignore all the voices in your head. Alright? What if I'm getting hungry? And I'm thinking about having a snack. Don't ignore your stomach, ignore your head. That's fine. All cop goes to you, Mochani goes, that cave, I've seen Meribel go in there. Feel like you're perhaps a bit... You're not over your ex, Cobb. You're not over your ex.
Starting point is 01:21:34 And that's totally cool if it's just an emotional thing, but if there's some kind of spell being worked on you, that's where my concern is. Should we strip Cobb down and check him for Black Marks let's excuse you all right fine fine you this won't be the first time I stripped down in front of this tree right say that to the tree now it's see I rule around the hey that's sexy Cobb yeah it is that is sexy oh cop takes his clothes out you didn't have to do that. No ed, inspect me. Okay, grab it. Keep on over and spread the sheets. Look in there, asshole. I specifically inspect his V.
Starting point is 01:22:08 Just to get V, it's tight. All right, it's delicious. But, Cobb, your ex may be using memory of your visage or piece of hair. She's still kept around from you to warp you somehow from afar. So I'm just saying saying I know emotions are hottest enough and but let's you know turn it down. I trust this tree. I think there's a sign.
Starting point is 01:22:34 You trust a tree? I trust this tree. I want you to trust me. I want all to trust the tree together. What okay, what are you getting from the tree then? What do you trust, what does that mean to trust this tree? What conclusions come from that? I think maybe our love has, as we stood the, the test of time. Really, Bob, after everything I told you, you're just being willfully ignorant at this point. All right, all right, fine.
Starting point is 01:23:01 Let's go sleep in the dead forest. I go up to the door of the cave. I don't go in. And I kind of just like, I hold up my amulet and kind of use it as a light. Yeah, okay, see if I get a reaction. So Beverly, you enter this cave and you see that there's like a little living space
Starting point is 01:23:22 that has long been abandoned. You see that there's an alternative rocks that have half collapsed. There's a dusty green cloth that's crumpled on the floor, and there are these broken candelabras. And you get your sense evil is coming from like the back of the cave like under some debris. I'll sidle up to the entrance of the cave alongside Bev.
Starting point is 01:23:42 Okay. I'm curious. I'll go make a green cloak out of that cloth so that I look more like Jolene the green from the front maribel. You do already have a green cloak. Yeah, I'm wearing two now. Damn, you got a sash. Cool, you pick up.
Starting point is 01:23:57 You're on two cloak. You pick up this. I'm dual cloaken. How's my AC? How's it going for my AC? It's lower. Plus 10, actually. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:06 You pick up this green cloth and you see that it's not a cloak. It looks like maybe it went over an altar at one point. And it's got the wave symbol of Malora on it. Oh. Wait, I look at the, yeah, wait. Moonshine, this altar. Does this look familiar? Um, does it?
Starting point is 01:24:24 It looks like somebody made a little prayer space here. Well, you know, Melora and her followers, organization and repetition are not our strongest suit. Spontanady, however, we're real good at that. So this looks like someone just... doing their individual prayers. Got a little excited, during some prairieoga? Yeah, I mean, does it look nefarious
Starting point is 01:24:46 or does it look just innocent? It looks innocent. And all cobb, Ocobb enters the cave. Yeah, there's candle lobers. Candolabras that are broken down everything. How, how meltdowns that wax? There's the wax is like gone. Mm.
Starting point is 01:25:00 Waxless. Someone had a good old meditation session long. And O'Cop goes, this was Maribel's private meditation area. She would come out to our tree and then she would come in here and she would pray. She prayed afterwards, that said, see that to me. Keep your emotions in check.
Starting point is 01:25:21 I have to, I have to, I have to, I'm not open my ex either. And I think there's still a chance for us to. Okay, I think there is. You better eat it. You gotta be clearheaded, cop. Hard one, keep it back together with you unless you fucking, unless you're clearheaded. Keep it, keep it back.
Starting point is 01:25:35 Hard one, he trusts you. I wanna, You're my best friend, man. You're my best friend too, I'm gonna wait outside cause I feel like I might do something stupid. Keep it together, Karlie. Um, using my sword, to are gonna wait outside because I feel like I might do some stupid keeping it together. All right.
Starting point is 01:25:45 Using my sword, I want to kind of slowly turn over the rocks by the debris. So Bev, you move some of the rocks off with your sword and you see this thick, dusty book and you see on the cover are all of these horrified faces and you see them moving as if they're trying to scream but are being silenced. It's like an animated book. It's like an animated book cover. Okay, cool. So this is, it's not a Tom Clancy, not a Grisham.
Starting point is 01:26:20 There are people trapped in that book. Yeah. As you open that book, you're going to be trapped in that book. It seems likely. What I wouldn't recognize is this book or this type of magic. You do not recognize the book and there is no title. I slowly touch the amulet to the cover of the book. Okay, go ahead and give me a religion check.
Starting point is 01:26:41 I whisper a prayer to Pellar and say like, let's take a dip. Water's looking good. Quickly tension covering the book back up with the rocks. You touched the amulet to the front of the book and you see the book reacts like a scared creature, but it pops open, swings open. And you see on the first page written in halfling to you, it says, your blood, your name, my power. I back up, I'm out.
Starting point is 01:27:22 And that's where we'll end our session Your blood my name my power your blood your name my power your blood your name my power Yeah, I think it's like a young adult novel. It's totally a real Stein joint It is goosebumps it is night of living down before I'm listen to us try to decipher this clue on the short rest. Out of me, yeah, probably a monster blood. Well shit. Yeah, cool guys, so listen to us, theorize over at the after show at patreon.com slash nad pod.
Starting point is 01:27:58 That's NADD, POD. Not see yet. Not see yet. Guys, buy me an Emily's book. It's called, hey you up. How to turn your booty call into your emergency contact. It's Phil Bon Amazon and Audible, if you want to listen to books.
Starting point is 01:28:12 Call the hell, how can people watch big city grains? Ooh, you can watch it on the Disney Channel or the Disney Now app or Amazon or iTunes. Season one is, I believe over by the time this airs. We got more episodes coming up in October, so now's a great time to catch up. Perfect. Listen to, if I were you, follow us on Twitter,
Starting point is 01:28:33 at CH-Murf is me, at Jake Herb, which is Jake, at the Axford is Emily, at Call the Is Called Well, and tweet about the show using hashtag, nadpod, that's NADPOD. Leave us a review on iTunes. If we get 3,000, we're gonna do a very dumb donkey con role play. Yeah!
Starting point is 01:28:49 And how do we say Ud? Oh, there we go. We are, we are! Youth of the nation, we are, we are! Youth of the nation! Oh god, I touched the book! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing in background, music playing Prince he was once a bully-wug commenter, but became a prince by wishing for it from a genie opa Aladdin style Oh, wow feel like opa Aladdin style has been coming up a lot recently. I know it's still in my heart Joanne the lover of Lucy. Jo and Lucy just got engaged IRL and yes
Starting point is 01:29:37 They're doing they're doing a destination wedding in the Feywild where Bev's dad will be delivering an uncomfortably religious ceremony Would you love and and invite and would love a plus one? Brad D, the only pebble pot that isn't Craven, tried to help it down and out Denny by recommending him for green teen scout master in hopes that he would teach him responsibility, but honestly it's kind of just led to a lot of blowback for Brad D. Yeah. That's tough. It was a brave of blowback for bread. Oh, yeah, that's a brave Brave thing you tried to do, but my god did you install a coward? Why don't we get a learn to just turn our backs on the pebble pots? J Loma 72 aka steel breaker hard ones Jim's inspiration is always
Starting point is 01:30:19 Flexing even when he sleeps. He just goes to bed shaking beat red and so tight But so hot. Oh my god. Andrew A aka Feldspar Liegarten the half-elf rumored to be moonshine's half-brother maybe Taylor pop-up of the sixth a legendary bar to whom no item is in an instrument once played a guitar solo using a bullywug tooth Which somehow managed to whiten even more. That purly, purly pick. Wow. Purly pick. Dylan B, a super weak wizard who wields 12 sores. The 12 sores are all magical and light is a feather, but still it's pretty impressive.
Starting point is 01:30:57 I mean, dude makes sores. Yeah, indeed. Simon W, the bootleg of hard one soft loss. He's got a super high pitched voice and child-sized calves, but his table is full, everything's giving. Hardy-har-har. Hardy-har-har. I dance with him. I'm a moonshine.
Starting point is 01:31:15 I don't feel up your table this thing, too. That's what I need. Brown crawfish. Danny P. Bohumi is resident artist, painted hard one senior portrait at the dwarf anage. At hard ones request, he added a full beard, even though hard one didn't hit puberty until 22. But when I hit it, I hit it hard. The roast of hard one, short foot. You're just squatted, they're waiting. And lunch into puberty. That's why I have such good constitution. Just me concentrating, willing puberty to come.
Starting point is 01:31:50 Spencer cask brew, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia alike, makes a stout so high in alcohol percentage, it gets hard one drunk after one, but he's so proud he drinks too anyway. Oh, sloppy hard one. Will we ever meet sloppyapy hard one? I don't get to realize that. I wrote like four in a row about hard one. Oh thank you. Pedro E, Bart of the Mowens, once sang a song so beautiful that it echoed through the Iron Deep Valley. It made hard one cry prompting his ex to bully him. This really is the rose.
Starting point is 01:32:21 Oh, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Comedy Central. I'm Kim Bronze, and this is... You've seen us take down Bruce Willis. You've been doing it as old Cobb roasting hard. Don Lemon the Dwarf, a rich dwarf kid from the nice part of Iron Deep. Wins the annual minecart race every year against the kids from the Dwarf and Edge
Starting point is 01:32:42 because this cart is more expensive. You know, you got to do it, you can. Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn eldritch knight and owner of the Badgers pint in in tavern was originally called the Possum's pint in in tavern, but then Papa was caught sleeping in one of their barrels and they had the change of the name to quell the rumor that the drinks were all possum flavored. It's so cute, I can't get over it! And then of course Tom P. Father the Realm,
Starting point is 01:33:07 serenader of sleeping babies and serenader of sleeping possums, he is the reason Pop-Off fell asleep in that barrel of booze. Aww, cute baby, it wasn't because he drank too much. No, it's just because he's being cute. He was tired from studying for the bar. Haha, at the bar. Haha. Alright, next up we got Danielle, the Dastardly Dame. At level 5 Danielle took the Dastardly feet, which gave them a skinny villains mustache
Starting point is 01:33:34 they can twirl. That's nice. You see a K-Haldor frostback MVP of the Giant Wars crewed on SS storeborn and fought alongside Elias and Red a barbarian warrior from the frigid north Founded frostback a north face type store that sells zip up leases and windbreakers But refuses to model any of his wares because he's too Nordic to need it. Whoa Noble to make the jacket and not need the jacket. Yeah, he sees the need even though it doesn't feel it You know, I feel like other people are cold.
Starting point is 01:34:07 And of course, many of the mundane accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell to reach divinity. When you find that last quarter you need to do laundry on your nightstand, that's manny watching over you. Thank you manny. Daniel you akaor, the owner of a sweet boat that sounds like Gilbert Godfried, also has a parrot that sounds like Gilbert Godfried, named Yago. That's like from Aladdin! That's all about Aladdin's style! And next up, Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, did a sick remix of Pledge Allegiance to the Boy but hasn't released it yet because it seems like insensitive timing. Oh, she has RIP. Yeah, go ahead and say it.
Starting point is 01:34:48 That guy's so dead, right? It's Bradley. I don't know. I'm not talking. Xavier C. Forger of the Water Elementals Most Impressive Tridance. Not the one she gave moonshine though, that was just a cheap impulse buy from a drugstore. It doesn't do anything. Don't tell moonshine.
Starting point is 01:35:06 Next up, Cutter W.A. high-off dandy turned, Crick Stumpetect. Cutter was actually just commissioned to carve green shade into some luxury, Crickside condos. Oh, ow. Sorry, green shade. You done? No, that's the highest honor. Oh, ow.
Starting point is 01:35:22 Congratulations, green shade. Green shade is the one who commissioned. Make me a stump. Lex S, best kisser in the timeout bag, but no one knows it because it's so dark in there. Oh, that's cool. That's kind of poetic. You'll never know that you're the best kisser.
Starting point is 01:35:39 Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you'll never know how good of a kisser you are. Okay, John S. A.K. is shubbered the mushroom. Currently touring grade schools across Buhumi have to bring awareness to the fact that not all mushrooms are evil. Yeah, the fog's giving them a bad rep. It is.
Starting point is 01:35:55 James B is the werewolf that bit Luna. James B feels really bad though, because they love being a werewolf and they thought Luna was gonna like it too. I can't put your hobbies on other people. I know, you really can. You guys just enjoy your own hobbies, James B. Next up, Ryan M. Ryan gave their ticket to the execution brunch to a friend because they
Starting point is 01:36:15 were going out of town and is now riddled with guilt and on a personal quest to find that friend. Your friend is gone. I'm sorry. Elena C. Hosts-to-bar rescue type show that recently redid the blue mana in and turned it into a generic sports bar called Duke's pub. Oh boy. So sad.
Starting point is 01:36:33 And finally, Andrew M. Introduced Balnor to his first tuna melt. Oh. Whoa. And what a long, lovely, lovely relationship they've had since. Yeah, I know. Well, no, no, no, he introduced him to tuna melts, Boundorn knew tuna sandwiches, but then he was like, okay, what? You can listen to that cheese on the fish. Boundorn hated it. I didn't even include that, but I'm afraid of this. Of course.
Starting point is 01:36:59 And of course, Jeffrey S. Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword, was a board, the SS Stormborn when the crew met Corde. Thank you. And yet we cannot forget Ricky, aka Ricky of the Crickie. Ricky is the only Crick elf to ever fool a traveling gnome wizard. Ricky trapped this little asshole inside a gem and it served him right because gnomes are bad. That's not always, not always, not always.
Starting point is 01:37:30 I had crossed the board. Except for Jonathan. Andrew R. This guy almost killed Galad Rosel and Galad made the same offer he did to hard one to blow him. We're not exactly sure what happened, but Galad did live to be killed by Hardware. I mean, damn, cannibalistic cthulhu, a titan so burly and glorious cord has a poster of him on the walls of his great hall. Oh, yeah, and a scar face poster. Say hello to my little friend. and a Scarface poster. Say hello to my little friend.
Starting point is 01:38:04 Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blue Man in, he uses dental strawberries to make a very mediocre Dacker. You love his dental strawberry. It tastes like remembering you drank a Dacker. Oh, it tastes like the memory. Blitzbrig Dimitri, a famous dweager who owns and runs the beloved franchise Dweager's Big Borgher. The Flambro and runs the beloved franchise dwargers big borgher. The flamethrower, they flamethrower all their borgers over a searing hot mithril grill
Starting point is 01:38:30 heated by dragonfire. Oh my fucking god, what I wouldn't give to eat a steak made by a dragonfire. I really, I'm not his watering. He skipped dinner, huh? Jesus. Ballnor's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world, since his dad left, he's taken up the cause as old man was fighting for, getting extra mayonnaise on every tuna fish sandwich in the realm.
Starting point is 01:38:53 Yeah, I used to work at subway sandwiches. I was generous with my mayo. God's tea. God of victory. You gotta be. Henry A. A Bahumi and Tattoo artist who has inked every hero. Hard one has a bunch of tattoo ideas and we'll definitely be visiting Henry A. A Bahumian tattoo artist who has inked every hero. Hard one has a bunch of tattoo ideas and we'll definitely be visiting Henry A.
Starting point is 01:39:08 Why haven't we all gotten tattooed yet? We really should. We're getting stickin' poked tattoos, right? We had to write them down. I want to know what tattoos I have. Yeah. Anyway, and we should visit this dude. Penfield, a dragon board and ranger,
Starting point is 01:39:20 hanging up his weapons to pursue his true dreams, opening a sister store to renaize where people can buy freshly cobbled shoes to go with their new suits and dresses. R.J.S. the boy king's resident artist. He paints portraits of the boy king without greasy hair in acne. They're quite inaccurate, which the Boy King prefers. Yeah, sounds about right. And now they're inaccurate because he probably paints the Boy King alive. Austin L, resident break dancer of the Cric, he can start a party atop any stump, and it's well known that every Cric party is an orgy, so Austin L is a professional orgy starter. Hell yeah, you know, you need someone who has the confidence to take it there. Because otherwise it's just a dance party with a bunch of shy people. Every, every orgy has one courageous person. Who not only starts a kiss with one other person, but also another person, you know.
Starting point is 01:40:18 One kiss and then turn to your right or your left. That's how you get it started. And Austin Elnose. Lance W. The one with the long Lance. He can stab an opponent from 20 feet out. He can roast a weeny in a fireplace across the room. He's real fucked though. Anytime he comes against a short sword. Yeah. Oh shit. It's not a night deal. Also not a good weapon for like if you want to like give someone a smiley. What are they call those? Yeah the red smile. Yeah. If you want to like give someone a smiley. What are they called those? Yeah, the red smile. Yeah, if you want to give them a red smile with your long legs.
Starting point is 01:40:48 Yeah, it's really heavy. The way it's all off. Justin, I, Joe, the praying man, this is roommate. I love that we're building that Joe, the praying man, this is a fucking roommate. Joe, I'm starting to send a side question. The praying man, this. Justin, I always pays rent on time
Starting point is 01:41:07 and cleans the dishes even when they're not his. He's a great roommate. Dude, he even pays the full cable bill by himself because he knows Joe doesn't care about watching live sports, but it's important to Justin, you know what I mean? So he's just gonna pony up and pay. That's great.
Starting point is 01:41:20 That's really cool. You don't care. I do appreciate that. Eli A, a legendary airship captain, whom hard one's dad was named after. He commanded a whole fleet by himself. No crew. That's right. He flew every ship.
Starting point is 01:41:35 Nobody helped him. Super dangerous. Very impossible. Swing from the rigging. And finally, Mick Pux, the code master, the digital hero who is tirelessly coding our website. He invented the Bohumian version of Uber, and that's just when a Crick Elf throws you into a sack and brings you to an orgy.
Starting point is 01:41:51 Oh, is that a be like a crock? I thought it would just be like a little after you could call a crock. That's better. Let's go. Require. And we're going to keep going. We're wrapping back around the me. I got beard man, Dan, aka the immortal iron beard every time
Starting point is 01:42:07 They try to shave it their beard grows back super fast like Tim Allen in the Santa Claus But better because they didn't have to murder a beloved Christmas icon for it to happen and of course got D a K Scotty diesel owner of Josh the Cobalt's favorite gym held a week long wake for Josh and Benchden all black under armor for a month to mourn his passing. So sick! Dedication! An Ayrn C, a dragon tamer who specializes in big ancient dragons, so if you have a firm worm that don't squirm, you call Ayrn C.
Starting point is 01:42:42 Oh, Hermes W, the Bat King, the Lord of all bats, recently tried to become the King of all sugar gliders as well, but was defeated in what has been described as world's cutest international conflict. Oh, I love a good conflict. T. Alex, Professor Duttle's biggest competitor, all the automatons that work for them get free will, paid overtime, and all the strawberry
Starting point is 01:43:05 eggs they can eat. Imagine a hard boiled strawberry egg. Well, it actually sounds kind of good. It does. Yeah, it kind of does. It's really, I'm hungry. Harley S. A brilliant no-mish inventor who pilots a mech and saves people from various disasters, known throughout Bohumi as the Chrome gnome. Parker E, aka the crystal bastard. This homie is absolutely twisted for crystals.
Starting point is 01:43:31 If you bring the Machunka those funky fractals, they'll totally be your best friend forever. And of course, you've heard of them before. Kyle McQ, owner and operator, Bohumi is own McQuannels franchise. Sometimes Kyle will go undercover to visit various stores dressed as beloved clown mascot, Ronald McQuannels. Oh, he's so cute.
Starting point is 01:43:56 RJW, the only person in Bahumiya who wears deodorant. He rides from town to town on a beautiful stallion and yells to people that they smell like shit. Wow. With good reason. Roode. Sparkis, a demon accountant from the plain opposite of the Feywild, the fiend boring. Their favorite meal is a six inch tuna flesh sandwich
Starting point is 01:44:16 from Sub Sub Subway. So close to having something in common with Balnor. Atom R, a talking sword who is really good at doing impressions. They can do basically every family guy character really impressive stuff. Whoa, can they do Stewie? Oh yeah. How about Peter? Sure, is that a family guy character too?
Starting point is 01:44:37 Brent B. Toddlannis Magic. Not wizard magic though, movie magic. Brent's insistence on fundamentals and practical efforts is the reason why a Lannis has such a solid demo reel. Oh yeah. Cassandra MHP, the bird-nower,
Starting point is 01:44:56 knows every bird by name and sends them all birthday worms every year. Ooh, I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry that even sounds good. Okay, and we got to finish it off strong with Maddie Bigg Critts, Mathias of House Crit. Never not rolling 20, Mathias is actually destined to somehow get elected to President in 2020, so let's hope we can hold out until then.
Starting point is 01:45:21 Colin G once took the water daughter on a date and fire daddy was like not into it. Ooh, yeah. Whoa. He got her back late. But that's kind of like, that's kind of a compliment. If you're taking someone out on a date and their dad doesn't approve of you, that means that they're gonna like you.
Starting point is 01:45:38 Also, she's dead now. All right, people are gonna be like, oh boy. Right, right, right, right. Ha ha ha ha. Thank you to our benevolent counsel of elders and all of our Patreon subscribers. Alright, people are gonna write, write, write, write. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We are we are.

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