Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 28: Monster Inside You (Tales From the Crick)

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Starting point is 00:01:42 Oh, yeah. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy joined by Jake Hurwitz. Hard one, sure, foot. Emily Axford. And Chan Sabin, the infamous gas land. And called Well Tanner. Beverly Toe Gold the fifth, the bad book boy. Bad book boy.

Starting point is 00:01:59 Bad idea to open a bad little book. I open a bad little book, Nicholas Cage is here, and he's telling me all about it. Why you open a bad book, man? It's like looking at a little like pornography. Oh In the woods too Puberty What if you just turn the next page and it's just I will recognize a cover page and it's just thought maybe a little time will recognize the cover. Hardwood would call for skin.

Starting point is 00:02:24 Love some good duties. I thought there'd be like a Jeff Togold bloom like newd shot. Very good. Thank you. Oh my goodness. All right guys, let's do a recap. So last week you guys continued your adventure in the fog. Balnor cut a giant infected snake in half with a generous amount of help from you guys.

Starting point is 00:02:43 Balnor with the brain. No, he did it all on his own. That you're all about whom you are. Ballon were made of fucking sleeping bag out of that piece of shit. We are all Bellnor. Then you all battled a corrupted ant and another infected snake that was hiding in the Crick itself. Hard one was swallowed by the snake and nearly killed,

Starting point is 00:03:03 but Moonshine turned into a gaseous form and entered the snake with a lucky roll. She caused the snake to regurgitate hard one, and from there, you took control of the battle and won. All-time best moments on the podcast. Yeah. I was certainly the best three we've ever rolled. Haha.

Starting point is 00:03:20 That's my truth. Sometimes Beverly Roll plays something stupid and it's really fun to see. Haha. Sometimes I fail on a stupid and it's really fun to see Sometimes I fail on a fun way and then yeah, we all have a little laugh. I love a good I love a good bad role in a roleplay You then headed into the mysterious living wood full of dead ends until you came upon two living ends beating the shit out of each other You asked a nearby crow which one of them was the good, then hard one promptly axed the bad guy in the back Saving the good triant the tree introduced himself as green shade then took you to a quote unquote safe part of the forest to rest for the night

Starting point is 00:04:02 Once you got there old cob immediately recognized a tree where his and Maribel's initials were carved He is off his rocker where his and Maribel's initials were carved. He is off his rocker. That tree was suspiciously not affected by the Crick Rod and still quite alive. Munchine tried to talk to it using speak with plants, but all it said was, I'm sorry, Jolyne. I'm sorry, Jolyne.

Starting point is 00:04:16 It's a creepy tree. Beverly sensed an evil presence in a nearby cave and investigated. You all entered the cave and Beverly unearth earth to book with a powerful evil force. When he pressed his amulet to it, the book swung open and the first page read your name, your blood, my power. This book is overdue. Bethlehem Public Library. And that's where you guys are now. You guys are in this cave and you've got this cursed book and you see Balnor walks in the cave and he goes, you know I think I might want to read that book. Balnor, do not read the book. I'm sure I'm

Starting point is 00:04:56 going to take Balnor out. You know what? I've got a I've got a really nice Dan Brownleaf book that I think would be perfect for you. It's a mystery thriller. All right, I do like thrillers. So presumably this book is, okay, have I seen this book before? This is in the Crick. Is there a talk of this book? Is it like a known lore or anything like that? Go ahead and do like a religion check. Yeah, 20, baby. Oh my god.

Starting point is 00:05:21 You're gonna have to give me this one, huh? Yeah. You recognize on the front that there are some, you don't speak the infernal language, but there is, but it is that. It is some kind of devil book. Okay, so this is the book that was called to me.

Starting point is 00:05:35 Clearly, Maribel must have put her name in here. Whoever puts their name in here gets his motius's powers but becomes a piece of shit. I see. Should I try to chop it in half with my axe? I kind of think so, yeah. I cast protection from evil and good on him. Probably gonna die if I do this.

Starting point is 00:05:55 No, yeah, that protects you from charm, fright, and her possession. So, you know, hedging your bets. I'll sweep my axe in the book. Go ahead watch this 20 oh you swing down on it you strike true Gimli styled you are thrown back. Oh, I spores it On the front eat the spores. Let's cover this book I think we should bring it with us

Starting point is 00:06:23 The balder's hold on. Hey, let's how are we gonna get how we gonna get rid of this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. I think we should bring it with us. The baldler's. Wait, hold on. How are we gonna get rid of this? Yeah, that's right. He's gonna wake up in the middle of the night. We're gonna have to time to a tree while he sleeps tonight. We should have been doing that anyway. Time to my legs. Yeah, that's true.

Starting point is 00:06:35 You're right. Yeah, that's two trees, baby. That's two more. Hard one, that's his quad stance. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, do you think that you can secure it in some way? We're gonna do this like we did with that sword? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:47 You could wrap it up in that green table cloth thing. But then I wouldn't be doing cloak anymore. And that is game so dirty. Sacrifices have to be made. I'll wrap it up in that cloak I found. Okay. And then I'm gonna walk out of the cave and see Val Norm be like, we all, we just took a dump and I got it here in this bag

Starting point is 00:07:08 So no one wants to open this bag this little cloak. I wrapped it all up We didn't want to leave our dukes there. There's a hole in the corner. I don't know why she put right there Why are you why are you putting the bag Into your pack You're bringing the drink Pack in pack out for us As a as a great night, I can tell you, that's how you do it. Sorry, Boundor, if you've been shooting anywhere but in this bag.

Starting point is 00:07:31 Oh, all right, from now on. Well, those shit in this bag. You're not shooting your own bag. I'll get your sandwich bag. No, because we've been going through those. You had me feed the tree a sandwich. Shit in the empty sandwich. Boundor, we all brought our own due todoo bag and you got to go in yours, okay?

Starting point is 00:07:46 Yeah. I might go in there and grab that book if that's okay. No, you know, you're not even going to look for that book. Go on in. Let's go to sleep. All right, this little green patch, maybe it's fine. We're not going to sleep under the tree. I say we sleep in the cave.

Starting point is 00:08:02 Oh, okay. That's my thought. That's a nice idea. Okay, I think that the evil is localized to that book. As far as I can tell, this place is pretty safe. Screaming trees aside. All right. This seems unrelated though.

Starting point is 00:08:14 Let's sleep here. I'm gonna tie Balnor to me. Yeah. Sort of like spooning Balnor. Yeah. This is a great privilege, Balnor. This is a little weird. Yeah, you're obsessed with this book. We'll write time reading.

Starting point is 00:08:30 What's wrong with that? You're obsessed with the book. We're not going to let you. Don't read the book. All right. You see as you kind of wind down for the day, Luna transforms back to a human. Boo.

Starting point is 00:08:41 I'm no longer interested. All right. Hey, Luna. Hey. So I kind of, I don't remember everything to a human. I'm no longer interested. Hey, Luna. Hey, so I kind of, I don't remember everything that happened. So sorry if I was at any point rude or loud or anything like that. You were rude in like the coolest way. You were amazing.

Starting point is 00:09:02 We strangely enough respect rude people a lot. Yeah, she She laughs and she goes Well, thanks. Thanks guys, but it is it's a curse. Huh? Good could kill someone so you did kill somebody you killed a snake. I killed a snake I don't just a snake could kill the snake. I think I killed a snake actually a bell or snake Yeah, yeah, that's true. But we all fought together. I vaguely remember having fun and parents and stuff up. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:30 Oh, oh, oh. Remember that? I do remember that. I do remember that. You howled and we thought it was cool. With the hours now. That's our new thing. I'm going to go sit by myself for a little bit and pray. If that's okay with everyone, I'll join you.

Starting point is 00:09:47 As an accolade of the light, I would happily join you in prayer. Luna and Beverly go off and start doing prayers in the cave, cave prayers. Curl up with Balnor. Do I, I'll just say this in hope that it's true. I make a little nest of glad's hair on a glad separate head that I've been

Starting point is 00:10:05 care of but it's so stinky and I say go to go to sleep here bird I made you a nest bird goes down and starts pecking at glads head and as you do that Luna's Beverly you're there with Luna yeah you see her eyes go yellow for a second and she sniffs the air and she turns and she sees Galad's head. Oh no. And you see, she goes, what the fuck is that dude? Okay, I guess we should fill you in. She transforms into a wolf.

Starting point is 00:10:38 What the fuck is that dude? Alright Luna, I love you and you're like this and I can explain. I can explain everything. Don't fuck do you have Galadro's L's head for, dude. You guys, let's just tell Luna the truth. Yeah, yeah, I'm all about transparency. Uh, glad was evil. He was a piece of shit. Galad was working.

Starting point is 00:10:59 The all is not a good person. She's kind of like, the genocidal, if I'm being honest. Okay, don't say that that don't fucking say that. I'll fucking fight you out there. You fight me dude. Fight me dude. Fight me dude she's getting up in your face.

Starting point is 00:11:12 Hey, alright. I'm fighting Luna. I can't sir. I can't sir. I'll demonstrate that. A lot of passion in the air. What's going on? Okay.

Starting point is 00:11:21 She turns back into her human form. What's going on? You came onto me real strong. It was cute though. I remember would fall. What's going on? You came onto me real strong. It was cute though, it was pretty. I remember what happened. What? Here's the deal, Luna. So, Galad, Rosal, murdered my mom and murdered my dad.

Starting point is 00:11:35 Hi, I'm hard one sure, but yeah. We didn't give you the full rundown. So I found out that Galad Rosal killed my parents and I killed him. Do you blame me for that? I wouldn't. This is a lot for me to unpack right now. I don't wanna fight you right now.

Starting point is 00:11:52 See your eyes, go yellow. So I'm just gonna cool off. Good. Yeah, go outside. Take a walk. I'm gonna go outside, because I don't know. I don't know what to believe anymore. That's a good place to be though.

Starting point is 00:12:04 I believe that we've all been there. That's a good place to be though. I believe that we've all been there. Yeah. Trust me. We're all better for it. Don't trust anybody, including us, Luna. Why don't you go out and take a walk? I don't, I don't trust you.

Starting point is 00:12:13 You don't have to. We're gonna earn your trust. Seems like something that maybe could have come up before I went into the fog with you. And I pick up Gladys' head. I'm a little bitch. I offered to suck our ones, dude. She turned, she.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T.T. bloody no all right I'll take Luna for a walk I don't want to be here okay walker sell all right because she looks like a dog maybe we don't use that language fair enough fair enough what did you say about going for a goddamn walk I'll take myself for a walk I hide

Starting point is 00:12:56 the leash I'll get it you do you she walks off sorry bird don't worry this is a good bet Do you she walks off? Sorry bird. Don't worry. This is a good bet Keeps pecking at glad's eye That was some kiss mooshine. I know I mean she I felt like I just felt it happening and I don't I honestly don't know who leaned in first or if either, it was like a Ouija board. Oh, I saw this clearly you. I think it was a Ouija board. No, I was watching.

Starting point is 00:13:30 I was pretty up close. Who was moving us together? No one knows. You did vote the chemistry too, but it was crazy. You did seem to baffle her out of her rage, which was good. It was electric.

Starting point is 00:13:40 Yeah. It wasn't until you started making glad talk out of this head which was quite funny That was you were keeping it a little too late I can make cobblath I'm doing something right God you were there right he offered to suck my dick. It was insane. It was ridiculous. I try hump his head for a second You gotta stop I think you just get it out of your system

Starting point is 00:14:06 because I'm enjoying it. All right, I'm tired. Quick question. When I was in the West part of the Crick, I found a journal from one of the Crick Elves that mentioned something about the fog and the way that it kind of affects your head and your dreams and everything.

Starting point is 00:14:24 I'm wondering if we should maybe station a watch or something like that. Maybe you and Cobb can. I'll be me. Cobb will be trance and all we need is four hours to trance. So yeah, that's a good call. Cobb, although you should just wait. What I report. I report for is everyone but Cobb. I just been on everyone. I'm just kidding. Oh, I just, something's going around. And what's going around is I don't trust Cobb. Yeah. His head's in the right place, but his heart certainly isn't. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:51 Or maybe the other way around. I like to the point where. You're still there too, because you got the voices whispering in your head. Which wisdom, same as throws ain't nothing to a prick. All right, all right. Because Cobb's not going to be really that helpful. I know, but I'm going to the point where I'm concerned

Starting point is 00:15:06 that maybe we need a drug and keep him out of this fight, I'm scared he's gonna do something stupid. You have to be ready. He'll never be able to forgive himself if we don't, if he can't kill Maribel the second time. I just feel like he's gonna jump in the way of one of us. Well, maybe I don't wanna get him out of this fight though. I don't want to make it right. Let her escape the first time. Okay. But let's keep it close up. I feel like I needed

Starting point is 00:15:31 to bring it up. While we go to sleep, if you're if you're going to stay up for a little bit, you want to try to talk to Luna, maybe just let her know that the Allah was going to murder everybody that didn't bend the knee to her. I think she's not ready to hear that. I get the impression she's not ready to kill her idols. I think baby steps are gonna be important here. Yeah, I think you're also, we got Bev, Bev, you know, Bev can sort of... Yeah, I have a very unique relationship with the all as well. And I hope that I can parlay that

Starting point is 00:16:00 with our good friend Luna, eventually. Okay, I'd want it's very big of you to let moonshine volunteer to talk to Luna though. What do you mean? Oh, nothing. Well, I mean, who wants to talk to her as a human though, right? I'm only interested in the joke which I call. This is a fun little triangle then, huh?

Starting point is 00:16:18 Beverly's just excited because like, he's in that weird position where he's the only one in a relationship, so he gets gets to give advice to his friends. Moonshot, you know, I'm not trying to be in a relationship or anything like that. Hard one. If you want a relationship, she's all yours. I'm not looking to settle down. I'm not ready for a relationship. My life's sex fucked me up. Yeah, and I got leaves on my boots and that's what I do.

Starting point is 00:16:41 I leave, you know, after work. True that. Respect. Ah, relationships, right? Woof, a lot of work. I was cleaning up all around Bahumia on my way to Moonstone. Oh, really?

Starting point is 00:16:55 Yeah. You guys are the Madrice Bell. This was Montsoon season. I'm telling you. I mean, tell you. Tarn. Hard one looks wistfully. And I'm just knowing he didn't get laid at all.

Starting point is 00:17:07 And the back of Bev's mind, he's adding, get Hard one laid to his side quest. Moonshine feels pity for Hard one for the first time. Yeah, it was crazy. All right, I'm going to go to sleep. Okay. Yeah. Why don't you do that?

Starting point is 00:17:21 Are you going to stay up? Yeah, I'm going to stay up and trance. And then, what about this tree green shade Green shade's just kind of hanging out. He does he like rest. He also trances. Okay. Yeah, so I'm just gonna Report spores him and tell him the situation about Cobb and say okay you and I are really gonna take shifts cool Yeah, I'm good cool. Okay. I think we're covered. Yeah Great I stick my thumb up I'm good. Cool, okay. I think we're covered. Yeah. Boom's up. Great. I stick my thumb up.

Starting point is 00:17:46 I have tried something new, where you just like, I hang loose time. And kind of like, looks at y'all to be like, eh? I jump on board, yeah. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:59 Everyone loves it. All right, keeping it light. I'm gonna make it look like an L. But mine's like pretty tight. Okay, you're so cute. I'm gonna take you in like an L. But mine's like pretty tight. Okay, you're thinking the thumb are like super super close to. Looks kind of like a dog's head. Yeah. What you got in your mind? Hang in loose. Okay. So, Moon Shine, you start to do your trance. You see that old Cobb is also doing his trance, but he's looking

Starting point is 00:18:20 right at that tree. I'm just like saying good job good job Cobb with transit. Yeah we're transit. We're just so good to share this with you. Yeah last time I was out here sharing something with somebody. He just starts heaving weeps. Um I guess I play a little song for him on New Betsy. I seem to always ruin people's feelings when I do this, but maybe it'll work for you. No, this is like a beautiful cry, you know what I mean? Oh, okay, okay, this is good app, Brett. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:18:52 I cried too. You guys cried together. It's beautiful. You see, after a little bit of you, Transing Moon Shine, you see Boundor falls asleep, hard ones asleep, Beverly goes to sleep. You see Luna comes back after like a couple hours. She's still in human form, but her eyes are yellow. You can see that or Falls asleep, hard ones asleep, Beverly goes to sleep. You see Luna comes back after like a couple hours, she's still in human form, but her eyes are yellow.

Starting point is 00:19:08 You can see that she's pissed, and she looks at you and just mutters, fuck you, dude, fuck you. Jokes on you, because I like you spicy. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm spicy as fuck right now.

Starting point is 00:19:18 Yeah, and I love it. Good. I love it. I love it. I would toss it around with some crawdaddies. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice.

Starting point is 00:19:28 That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice.

Starting point is 00:19:36 That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice.

Starting point is 00:19:44 That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That is pretty nice. That freestyle. Yes. Yeah, she goes up in the tree and she goes to sleep. Moonshine, as you're trancing, your skin starts to get itchy and you look at your arms and you see that you're developing some little black scabs. You start to have angry thoughts. You look over at hard one sleeping, and you think, how dare you. You look over at hard one. And just this, you know how you have those little dark thoughts that just come and go and you think you think this fog is so dangerous if hard one were to die it would be super sad but then nobody else would like

Starting point is 00:20:36 Luna in wolf mode it would just a quick thought just a quick thought it goes right away but this is not coming from me this a quick thought it goes right away. But this is not coming from me. This just quick, it just right away. There's a, the quick folk have no jellocene love. Moonshaw, are you talking to someone? No. Okay. You're dreaming.

Starting point is 00:20:58 Hi, and Moonshaw. You're making most stains. Oh, she's not. She's also dreaming. Smile, spread the glasses, look. You're making more stains. Oh, she's not- She's not- Oh, oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Smile, spread the causes, look.

Starting point is 00:21:09 You're sleeping like a dog when you can tell they're having a dream about running. Oh, oh. It's like, it's not real moonshine thoughts. It's like if you're driving and you're like, what if I just like went off this ramp right out? Well, you're like, what if I- What if I- Yeah, tough course.

Starting point is 00:21:24 What if I- Dark thoughts. You're gonna say for the I, yeah, tough course, you're pointing me, darn it, thoughts. You're gonna say it for the short rest. Yeah, we're gonna dig into that. Subscribe on Patreon. So you see as Beverly's kind of stirring, much on you have this thought. And again, just this quick little fleeting thought, if Bev were to die in here, it would be so tough,

Starting point is 00:21:43 it would be so sad, but the party might be a little safer, right? Oh, Malora. I think right now what I'm questioning is not even the quick route. Right now I'm just like, you know what? Introducing having emotional feelings for someone or wanting to be with someone is turning me against my own friends and I think that's dirty. And I don't know if I even like Luna anymore. Munchan suddenly, you're in a black void.

Starting point is 00:22:16 All alone. No. No. And you hear a voice in your head. Well, well, well. If it ain't the little fungal princess. Oh dear. I mean, technically I'm the fungal queen, although I do a bore, any sort of monarchical. Oh, I'd have to give up my throne for you to be a queen, sweetheart. You think I place these beautiful cheeks on wherever you've been, shittin'?

Starting point is 00:22:46 You see out of the darkness, our merges maribel. Her skin is gray, her pupils are black. Her hair is full of fungi, and the bottom half of her body is like a mycelium. It basically looks like she's wearing a dress of webbed of roots. And she floats. I love it. Do you lack my dress? You know Mayor Bell, I'm not so small that I can't acknowledge that you look fucking great. Oh thank you so much. You don't look so bad yourself sweetheart. See she holds up her finger and you turn into your fungal form. Oh

Starting point is 00:23:27 Thanks, I didn't even have to use a wild shape for the day. No, you didn't. Nice. No, you didn't. Moonshine. Maribel. When you get mad. Yeah. Do you ever ask yourself, who's the real Moonshine? I think that I've never thought to ask that because I think that ask yourself, who's the real moon shine? I think that I've never thought to ask that because I think that in general people contain dualities and I enjoy living in a duality, sun and moon. Very jolly of you.

Starting point is 00:24:01 You see, she pulls out a black capped mushroom. A whole, I see you been leaving your mark around the east side, huh? More than you might know. You see it grows in her hand until it's one of those like sickle monster guys that hard one fought, like a little diseased shuberts, and she cradles it like a baby and she goes you know my spores are very powerful and they evolve over time they usually only survive long enough to become something simple like this little one but once in a lifetime a miracle can happen.

Starting point is 00:24:47 You see the little mushroom guy grows into a fungal entity and it looks like a baby-sized version of your fungal form and she goes well don't that look familiar. She looks just like you and heck if, if a crick elf can turn into a mushroom, I could in a mushroom turn into a crick elf. You see the little fungal entity turns into a little crick elf baby and starts crying. And she starts, she starts, shh, shh, it's okay, it's okay. If someone were to leave you around the outskirts of the creek, I'm sure somebody like Jo-Leen would take you in as one of your own.

Starting point is 00:25:34 Jo-Leen's never misled you on anything or withheld information as she moonshot. No, no. She wouldn't do that. Don't worry about this, Moonchan. I, as you being, want to monitor, want an a million. I mean, I only got to leave hell on official business. It's been, oh, 25, 26 years since I got to meander outside of the creek. Maribel, it's very obvious what you're dancing around and I just want to let you know, if

Starting point is 00:26:19 you were my mother, if you are my mother, then Jolene is a hell of hell of an even better mother than I thought because she took on her wicked sisters child. Dang all this does is make me think higher Jolene. Nice try though. You see for a second her cool demeanor changes and she looks fucking pissed. Also, all you're coming at me with is nature versus nurture and you know I'm all nurture. Hospitality makes the hoe. That's what we say. She leans into you, moonshine, and she goes, you're acting like you're something that you're not. But I know what you are.

Starting point is 00:27:12 And you snap out of it, and you wake up and a balnor, it's like trying to get in the bag. I just fucking kick him away. Oh, sorry. Does he have to take a shit or read the book? Yeah. Yeah, Boundar, you're trying to take a shit because you're allowed to do that. Oh, yeah, I was just looking for the shit bag.

Starting point is 00:27:31 I heard we were doing that. Okay, well. I'm going back to sleep. I thought you had to take a shit. Um, I lied. Truthfully, I had some strange dreams. What-what'd you dream about, Balnor? I saw her.

Starting point is 00:27:54 Yeah. And she told me who I was. There's a war. There's a war that's going to happen and everybody's got a fight, even old men who don't know how to fight. And she said that to me and I remembered. I remembered that I was drafted, that I had to fight in some war and it hasn't happened yet. Do you want to be back there, Balner? I don't really know where I want to be. I just want to be out of here. You want to be out of here.

Starting point is 00:28:50 Oh shit. Um, I don't know how to send you back where you came from. I try to cast Misty Step on Him. It doesn't do anything. Spark's right from my hands. I'm just going to try to go back to sleep. And you see Balnor curls up. Hey, Balnor, just, just, go back to sleep and you see Balnor curls up. Hey Balnor just just

Starting point is 00:29:06 But just to be clear if I could if Bev knew how to send you back would you want him to send you back? Or if we could call in a big favor with someone if we met a really smart wizard You'd want me to ask for you to be sent back. I think I think wherever I came from is really bad and this is really bad and everything's just really bad and I need to go to bed. Did you come from World War One? They're on their grudges this late. They had tuna then, right?

Starting point is 00:29:45 Yeah. Um, I'm gonna nudge Cobb out of his trance. Sure. Hey, Cobb. Hey. Chiver and pregnant, Maribel. No. No, me and Maribel never had any kids.

Starting point is 00:30:03 Why, why do you want to? Do you know how she gives birth to all these little spore babies? Me and Marybill never had, we never had any kids. Why, why do you want? Do you know how she gives birth to all these little spore babies? Uh, I think it's part of the curse. I think she spreads her spores and they turned it into little monsters. Gotcha. All right. Get back to trancein. All right.

Starting point is 00:30:24 That moon Jen Not Cobb little monsters Go to bed you wake up very foggy morning believe it or not a lot of overcast A fine, hair-filled diet of natural causes in your sleep. Good morning! Dingling, dingling, dingling, dingling, dingling, dingling. I ring the breakfast bell. So how did everyone sleep? I'm noticing that moonshine probably looks a little tired despite transiting.

Starting point is 00:30:58 That's not a polite thing to say, young babe. I'm very sorry. I have a cream if you want something for your your bags. Now we we love age and I think you look absolutely ravishing. Geng, I'd like you to meet my bird. Hard to storm crow. Eat more of your food. The name came to me in a dream. I pat it on its beak. It keeps eating your food. I'm feeling excellent this morning. Balnor, how are you? Uh, yeah, a little toss and interne, but it gives a thousand yard stare.

Starting point is 00:31:33 Good man. How's Cobb? You know, excellent and moonshine. I'm fine. Excellent and moonshine. I'm fine Yeah Hardaway let's do the breakfast dance all right this dance Everybody shake in breakfast dance who wants some tea and coffee I went my beard back and forth I went my beard back forth. You hear from the tree Luna y'all shut the fuck off Luna's still mad at me for killing her fucking idol Shook it over it. I did All right, let's eat some breakfast in yeah

Starting point is 00:32:16 Fuck some shit up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean I'm not looking to pussy foot any longer I say we just try to find Maribel if anything chases us from behind we take care of them and yeah we just go for it. Straight for the jugular style. Yeah. Are you sure you're ready? Yeah. Okay. I hop into hard ones arms and attune myself towards the evil and we're off to the races, let's go. Sweet. So as you guys start to walk off, you see green shade goes. All right, so you guys head now, or. You wanna come with us, bud? Pretty sick. Always the health of, okay.

Starting point is 00:32:54 Yeah. It's a war, so you'd be fighting. So if you don't feel comfortable fighting, that's totally fine. I think I might like freak out and kill you guys at one point. I'm starting to get real mad. Sweet. Okay, we got another Crick-Rot.

Starting point is 00:33:08 Would I be able to less a restoration the Crick-Rot just enough that he could fight alongside us? He's super fucked up. Moonshine and Balnor aren't that fucked up. Okay, so he's maybe a lost cause, is the sense I'm getting. Yes. Yeah, before we head out, I kind of huddle up with moonshine at Balnor.

Starting point is 00:33:28 You can just give it to Balnor. Well, I've got enough for both. Is it? It's a spell, right? Yeah. Yeah, no, just do it on Balnor. I'll ask you if I need it. I look in a moonshine's eyes.

Starting point is 00:33:41 I kind of stand between me and Balnor and moonshine. Are you sure? Yeah, I think so. I feel like Now I'm on the inside, you know, I got the quick rot deep where I go closer. I get to her, you know All right, well moonshine just Just know you don't have to do alone. We're here for you. Oh, yeah, I'll be calling on you I'll do everything I can okay. Yeah, he'll look Balnor though. He uh, I'll be calling on you. I'll do everything I can. Okay, yeah. He'll look down there though.

Starting point is 00:34:07 He, I think he wants to go home. Oh, yes, I know how to do that. Oh, you do? Oh, that's so wonderful, bound there. He knows how to get you home. I don't want to go home. Home is bad.

Starting point is 00:34:24 Oh, I thought you said you wanted I want to get out of this fog. Okay, we can work on that. Yeah, okay. I See oh, I thought you want okay. Well Okay, yeah, I do cast lesser restoration. Okay, Balnor great You see he's begun to develop these little black scabs on like his neck You see he's begun to develop these little black scabs on like his neck. You see you cast lesser restoration, and you see they shrink a bit.

Starting point is 00:34:49 And he goes, I feel less of an overwhelming sense of dread. I still hate my life, but more of like a clinical depression now. Guys, I think you look good as new, Bell. No thanks. Yeah, the scabs are fun. Give me character. Yeah, we'd love to go back to bed, but. Now we need you, Snake Killer.

Starting point is 00:35:10 Let's go. All right. I give him some clariton for the scabs. Oh, thanks. Thanks a lot, son. You see, Luna gets down from green shade, and she walks over to you guys. She's full, yellow eyes, not in wolf mode though and she goes

Starting point is 00:35:28 I hope you kill this fucking devil, but then I'm gonna kill you That's fine with me one battle a little time. We were you using the singular or plural you she pushes you And she pushes our Push me push me too I also push moon shot. Okay, also pushes moonshine. Okay. I give moonshine a wink. I get like a little jolt of pleasure, but then I remember that mean thought

Starting point is 00:35:50 it made me think last night, and then I look at her and I'm like, no thanks. Hard with just smiling, knowing nothing. Okay. Cool, so as you guys follow Bev's sense evil, you feel a strong a pull from the south west. Now I explained in the past, but the way that the creek is set up is that there is a river from the north that splits into various streams as they run south.

Starting point is 00:36:18 It's almost shaped like a fork, and the city is built between these cricks, these streams. But the westernmost stream is actually a continuation of the river. So unlike the rest of the streams, this one is wider, and it moves fast. And moonshine, you quickly realize that you guys are heading in that direction. And once you guys get there, you see that the trees here not only look dead, they're frail and skinny, as if something sucked everything out of the inside. It looks like you could just push them over. And you can see in the distance down the river are two

Starting point is 00:36:50 giant black and gray mushrooms that are molding together into one bulbous structure. They're so big they look like stadium domes. Hey cut it out! The only reason that you can see them is because all the trees here are so skinny that you have direct line of sight. But you do see that all through the forest are thousands of black gray and blue mushrooms spread all throughout the forest. The only place there aren't any is in the river itself, but the water there is black and fast moving.

Starting point is 00:37:19 You do see however a crude raft, basically just a bunch of logs tied together, pulled up on the river side with a skeleton like under it. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. There are companies that make pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall in the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's gonna be difficult. Luckily Bird Dogs has made the decision of which pants and shorts to buy a little easier.

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Starting point is 00:38:22 are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti-style tumbler, go to birddogs.com slash pop-off or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, Go team pants and enjoy the show. That raft looks safe. Seems normal and safe. Okay, what if we buffeted so I can just breathe underwater?

Starting point is 00:38:56 You could essentially just harness me up. I wouldn't even need wild shape. We'll make like a little Santa sleigh of that raft. Or why don't you just- Are you gonna like water ski essentially, but just pull- No, but before you, I'm gonna pull it. It's like if the water skier was pulling the boat. It's a river, the water is moving fast.

Starting point is 00:39:16 Okay, then okay, then what if I become a reef shark? I'm not opposed to that. Can you wild shape into a better boat? I tried a wild shape into a better boat? I tried a wild shape to a better boat. You become a decent raft, but not as good as this one. Oh, it's terrible. Okay. I run towards the beach Baywatch style and as I jump in I Transform into a reef shark hell. Yeah, whoa. I like I like look around to see if Luna notice You see for one split second, she looks super pumped, she goes, oh, and then she stops her how,

Starting point is 00:39:48 and she goes, fuck her. Okay. Pretty cool though, right? And then I swim. No fuck you too. I swim up to the side and wiggle my butt, I'm excited to, like a happy dog who's ready to be observed.

Starting point is 00:40:02 I pet you but the wrong way, so my hand bleeds. Right, everybody on the raft. Okay, I'm gonna inspect the raft and make sure that it looks sturdy. I've got the boat. Oh yeah, we've probably seen that before. We became a reef shark. Well, it's just like a trap that just brings you

Starting point is 00:40:18 across the creek and I didn't even know. Moonshan, the river is going pretty fast. So are you like just swimming against the current? Yeah, just swimming against the current. So you gotta just see the shark bobbing up and down in the river is going pretty fast. So are you like just swimming against the current? Yeah, just swimming against the current. So you got to see the shark popping up and down in the river going, No, it's popping to a netty. Find a nice big rock, popping to a netty.

Starting point is 00:40:32 Listen, I know the wild water terminology. Beverly's been kayaking before. So hard one, you inspect the raft. Yeah. Looks like about as good of a raft as you're gonna find in the goddamn fog swamp. Is it a raft trap? Can I afford to fight a little bit with someone more?

Starting point is 00:40:48 Yeah, ropes. Yeah, I'll use nature's raft to create some spectral finds that hold the raft a guy. So as I'm tying a really cool knot with a rope, you just try to make it. I call it nature's raft, huh, right? Nice. That's good, keeping it light.

Starting point is 00:41:04 Trying to keep it light for you, bud. I hate my life. I give Kaba Pat on. Well, I try to reach his back, but I'm short, so I probably just pat his butt on actually. Yeah. OK. Why don't we focus on the raft?

Starting point is 00:41:17 OK, focus up. I'm not asked to. I'm asked to. So yes, so you guys. These are those little back dimples. No, no. You can tell you got them from working out somehow You guys secure this raft and it is looking escape from Alcatraz good now

Starting point is 00:41:35 Yeah, all right vines vines all over it holding all the logs together. Let's do the opposite of escape Fine and rope to moonshine. Yeah, when I'm a reef shark. Do I have moonshine's memories? Like do I remember what happened last night? Yeah, of course. Okay, real quick. Why do I want to be a carefree shark? I was hoping that maybe I like could escape for the moment. If you're a carefree shark, you're probably just trying to eat us, though. It's the problem.

Starting point is 00:41:55 So then I guess I'm like a little depressed and like sometimes I sometimes I forget what I'm doing and the current drags me along and then I have to swim back up. No, moonshine. So I stop bobbing. Get with it, Moonshine. Well, Torrey. Okay.

Starting point is 00:42:07 All right, so I'm gonna toss Moonshine a rope and a vine. Grab all my teeth, all right. Everybody on the raft, let's go. So you guys push the raft out into the water, careful not to let it drift off because the river is going pretty fast. You guys see, downriver is this domed layer. Very clearly, Bev, you're getting signs that this is the ultimate evil. The Shrooma dome. And you guys take off down the river with Moonshine leading

Starting point is 00:42:33 the way. Everybody roll initiative. 14 for hard one. 10 for the reef shark. I got a four. So Luna goes first. You see she sniffs the air turns into a werewolf She's gonna go ahead and roll a perception check and she succeeds and she goes everybody wants to fuck out there some guys in the mushrooms over here And she ducks down as you guys see on next initiative on initiative 15 These little mushroom guys pop up and they have like little claws and they shoot out these little blades like darts Oh, what go ahead and everybody give me a dexterity saving throw. Even the reef shark though?

Starting point is 00:43:08 I'm in a game. Oh, not the reef shark. Yeah. Don't forget to add the plus four to it, 25. Ooh, that's a natural 20. Don't. Yeah. How good I dodge.

Starting point is 00:43:18 You jump and you tackle Balnor and you guys all get low as these darts fly over the raft. Moonshan, you're just fine. You don't even know that anything's wrong. You're just I'm singing a shark song Shark song what does that sound like Is that the Frazier song That's hard ones turn Is that the Frazier song? It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's turn, as the shark. Ha! We probably need me to keep sharkin', right? Or am I even adding anything to this? Well, if something happens in the water,

Starting point is 00:44:13 we need you to pull us a certain way. Okay. I think it is good. If anything from the sea, I'm like preparing a reaction. If anything from the sea tries to like, fuck with me, I'm gonna bite it. Yeah, your action choices are B.A. Shark. Continue to B.A. Shark. Yeah, why would you ever do? Why would you ever choose not

Starting point is 00:44:29 exactly? Yeah. So you guys continue down this river and as you're going, you see three of these black mushroom dudes with hook hands, jump onto the raft. Oh, hard one, you can use your reaction. Great. I'm gonna fucking swing my axe at them. Little shits. Hard one you can use your reaction great. I'm gonna fucking swing my axe at him little shit Not as cute as Shoebert 22 hits 14 damage that still looking okay. Oh tough little shit. Fuck you little shroomy

Starting point is 00:44:57 19 19 hits 17 damage 17 damage Jesus still alive actually. But super hurts. Cobb is gonna take two shots at it real quick. Ah, what a fuck did they come from? Keep it together Cobb. Oh Cobb blows this one's head off and you see it fall off into the river. Nice. It's like a video game. Now these guys are gonna attack. One of these guys is gonna go after Bev and Rolls-a-two, shout out to the two crew. This is on his first one. Hits with his second one or only six damage. Okay, and then he's gonna spores ya. So go ahead and make a constitution saving throw.

Starting point is 00:45:34 Uh-oh. Ooh, that's a raw 19. Okay, you're all good. You shake it off. Great. Last guy will go after Cobb. Hits on his first one. Misses on his second one. I'll do the damage for the first one 10 damage to Cobb. Oh no and they just got a spores Cobb Cobb veils his throw you see Cobb starts choking. Oh what the fuck was that?

Starting point is 00:45:59 Everything's fine Cobb I pat him on the back real hard. He throws up some black gunk. Oh, what is that? Choke on a... He's got a think up coming down with something. What are you, just weird breakfast? What are you up a little bit to? It was a weird breakfast, right?

Starting point is 00:46:15 I think about a bit of weird breakfast. Blackberry jam. I look at, I look at Bevin and I mouth. Crick, we're, uh, Crick Rod. Beverlees turn. Okay. How many remain on remain on the raft two I'm just gonna try and it seems easier just to push him off Yeah, I'm just gonna like shield bump him off the raft go ahead do an opposed strike check against a mushroom. Yeah That's a 20 oh no no. He rolled a nat 20. Oh no. Bev, you go to, you go to push him off the raft. He pushed me though, do he? Yeah. He moves out of the way.

Starting point is 00:46:54 He like reposts and pushes you off the raft. Go ahead and give me an X-terity saving throw. I'll say you got a 20 so you still did pretty good. But you're like about to fall off. You're losing your balance. 11. 11, you gotta see Bev fall into the water. No. I'm actually prepared. So you do. So I'm gonna go in and instead of biting him,

Starting point is 00:47:14 I'm not gonna chomp him, I'm gonna gently get him with my teeth and throw him back up on the rack. I'm gonna say you go over and you kind of like bite him. What is that son tan lotion where it's like pulling off a tone? Yeah, it's copper tone Beverly. Pulling at the best pants. I definitely forget that moonshine is a shark. Yeah, you just fall into the water.

Starting point is 00:47:40 You feel like you're about to get in by the shark. It's a toss of mecha. Go ahead and make an athletics check to see if you can do that with Advantage because it's sick. Yeah. Yeah. All right Okay 20 20 okay So Beth goes to ram this mushroom dude off the mushroom moves out of the way and just pushes him Beth Yells falls in shark swims, grabs him by the butt, throws him back on. Do I still get to do my second attack?

Starting point is 00:48:08 You've had a hell of a turn. You've had a hell of a good day. Ballonor runs forward, and no judo! He takes a swing, and he does hit. He hits one of them for a damage. Way to go, Ballonor. He thinks. That them for a damage. Way to go, Palnor. Hey, thanks. That is Luna's turn. Luna is going to try to tear into one of these dudes.

Starting point is 00:48:31 She swings with her great sword and with her bite, and she hits with both 19 damage to the one that Balnor just hurt. Oh, hell yeah, that one dead. Yeah, fuck that! And it's still alive. Shit, I should have pushed it off! I just get so mad when I'm a wolf careful about pushing them off They're very great right shit. Okay

Starting point is 00:48:50 They're very good at using your center of gravity against you Cool everyone go ahead and give me a perception check Not you Mocha, though. You're down in the water. Okay, can I I'm gonna do one though I get kind of lonely down here. So 17 for me. I got a 20. Oh 15 for me. Okay, you guys see spanning across the river like a fucked up volleyball net is this giant spider web hanging between like the mushrooms and it's hanging low enough that it will catch you guys and you guys can't really get under it. And you see on it are three gargantuan spiders, very big spiders. I will take our gantuan, big spiders, big spiders.

Starting point is 00:49:32 I talk to big game, they're big spiders and they've got mushrooms splitting through their skulls. So you guys see that on initiative 15 and that is hard one's turn. Will you allow me to drop kick one of the mushrooms into the volleyball net? Ha ha ha ha ha. It's like far enough ahead, so you guys are a few seconds away from hitting it, like you'll hit it next turn.

Starting point is 00:49:56 All right, fine. Ha ha ha. Then I'm going to tap Moonshine's fin. Tap tap. And I'm just going to sort of do the two fingers on my eyes. Two fingers and then two fingers at the... Sharks have very good eyesight. And the two fingers I'm using are my thumb and my pinky.

Starting point is 00:50:13 Okay, just like kinda hang loose. You're saying even light. Mochai, hang loose up ahead. Okay, I repair myself to do a dolphin leap to try to... To like grab a spider into the water. No, to, well, if I can, but also just do break the net

Starting point is 00:50:26 so that the raft can go through. You wanna jump through it? Yeah. Okay. That's pretty cool. Okay. And then I'm gonna try to kill the mushroom. Okay.

Starting point is 00:50:38 27. 27 that hits. Believe it or not. Yeah. And 12 damage on that guy. 12 damage. You still alive really fucking all right I'm gonna try to hit him one more time cool 27 again you hit Nine damage nine damage. He is dead finish him. Yes. I grab him by this them and I hold him up and I say

Starting point is 00:51:00 Hard to feast And hard to peck some today. So open that you were gonna, because he said finish him, I was hoping you were gonna just like split his head over my fin like you're like, oh juicing it. I'll do that. Okay. I've juiced the shroom. You juiced the shroom.

Starting point is 00:51:21 That is the shark's turn. Okay, so this shark. Still got a bit before you get to this. Okay, so I'll just prepare a reaction, but since I'm gonna be kind of like jumping into the air and attacking this net to try to make a way, I have pack tactics, which if I'm within five feet of an ally, then I get advantage.

Starting point is 00:51:40 So can I get advantage on that role? I'm gonna stretch. Shrack, sure. Okay. Lady Shark, dude. Sorry, role? Cause my cash check sure. Okay. Lady shark. That was while it's so this other mushroom guy is still here. He's gonna go. He's gonna go after Bev. He swings twice and he misses.

Starting point is 00:51:59 He's gonna shoot his sports at ya. No, thanks. 13. 13 does not save. Uh oh. You feel a shortness of breath. Has you inhaled these? I use my inhaler real quick. Feels real bad. Oh no. Feels real bad. So, O'Cob runs to the front of the rap and he's gonna take some shots at the web. And he's gonna hit because it's a goddamn web. I just gonna do some damage to it. 20 damage to the web. Hell's gonna hit because it's a goddamn web. I just gotta do some damage to it. 20 damage to the web.

Starting point is 00:52:27 Hell yeah. You see, it breaks up a little bit, but it's still thick AF. What you putting in that gun, buddy? You did it. Very thick. Beverly, that is your turn. All right, I wanna prepare our reaction as well. Okay.

Starting point is 00:52:40 And I'm gonna say this to the group and you can agree or disagree. Moonshine, what I wanna do, if you wanna disagree Moonshine what I want to do if you want to ride moonshine like a shark. Yes I want to ride moonshine like a shark and you searing smite to burn the web Yeah, that's cool. Okay. This is I make a little ridiculous, but also really sick. Yeah I just want to say that of course I prepared for this moment and I've already crocheted a saddle for every single animal I could Wild shape into so just reach for the crocheted shark saddle I reach the bag next to the evil book. Okay. I Actually touch the evil book and an instantly under its sway

Starting point is 00:53:20 Yeah, I grabbed that shut settle cool. So, so you hop up onto moonshine. Yeah, all right, you saddle up on moonshine. I like my sword. And that is Boundor's turn. Boundor just runs forward and chucks a javelin at the web. He crits. Really? What?

Starting point is 00:53:41 It's a minute before the 19. So he does, yeah, you see the javelin, like gets pretty deep into that web there, but gets stuck. That looks really growing. He does 19 damage to the web, yeah, perying for his war. Yeah, although I don't think he wants to go back to it.

Starting point is 00:53:55 I thought he was telling me that he felt like he needed to go back, but then when we talked about it in front of Beverly, he felt he was like, no, I don't want to go back. Did you, did you fill us in on that, by the way? About Bounder? I feel you in on it I think. Not totally. We don't know that the war hasn't happened yet. Yeah. Alright, we'll do a catch-out.

Starting point is 00:54:13 Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. There's a lot of things to talk about. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Starting point is 00:54:21 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. You guys are getting kind of close to this web, but she doesn't really have any range stuff But she is pretty strong so she's going to try to end this Black cat mushroom guy by just kicking him off or shoulder ramming him off. She's more of a shoulder ram. I hope sure and She rolls a goddamn that 20 You see him fly off into the river Shish kibab don't how that's my thing is our thing

Starting point is 00:54:47 You just kind of are think but I'm pissed at you do you know if it is that Me up for the day fucking talk later dude Don't you and I am a dab in the moment pushes a girl get off me you Who's who okay? That is the lair action, which means you guys are at the web. Go ahead and do your insane plan. All right. Okay, I leave up to the air with advantage.

Starting point is 00:55:14 Beautiful. Because I got pack tactics, bitch. I'm your pack. Ah! No way! You rolled a net! So I need to jump into the fucking web. By the way, her first roll with a three.

Starting point is 00:55:29 My first roll was a three, but then my pack tag thanks to Tommy and that sick girl. Goddammit, guys, just explain what happened. Alright, help me help. Okay, so I think that what happens is I actually soar over the net, because I do work so hard. No, no, you can't survive this already. And then I swim back around and do a redo.

Starting point is 00:55:49 Okay, I kind of like, in the moment before we hit it, I pinpoint the exact fissures of the web that I'll need to hit, and I slice them all with my flaming blade. Perfect, you hit, yeah, you see, Boundor's Javilan got pretty deep in there, so you see that that's kind of the weak spot of the web moon shine the goddamn reef shark Leaps up perfectly with Beverly goddamn driving her hell yeah holding on to her fin

Starting point is 00:56:17 Turns his sword a light Slashes through the web with radiant damage. You see the web splits at the bottom, and you see one spider fucking falls into the water as you guys begin to head under this web, unimpeded. That is your turn, hard one. You do see that there are- You forgot about the part where I jumped over the net and then swam back into the redo.

Starting point is 00:56:39 Yeah, all of that happened after Moonshine. Just went back for fun, I did a review. I whispered in moonshine, thank you moonshine, and I gave her two kisses. Great review. Thank you. So, so hard one. It's a hater one. That is your turn. You are at the web now. You see that one of the spiders fell into the water when Beverly slashed through it, but you see two more are like crawling down to the raft. They look like they might try to jump on. Tell me what you're doing. Well first I'm gonna turn to Luna and say and you would rather be part of the chosen. That was, I have to admit that was fucking awesome.

Starting point is 00:57:18 Yeah and now I'm just gonna keep my hands on my axe. Get ready to bat away a spider like a... Do you wanna like swing at him or do you wanna knock him off? I guess I'd rather knock him off the boat if he comes onto the boat. All right, so hard one prepares a reaction to like try to bat a spider off as they terrifyingly try to leap down. That is actually moonshine's turn next.

Starting point is 00:57:42 Has this part? Can I prepare reactions? What else do you want to do? God damn it. I just want to, I want to buck Beverly into the air so that he can get like advantage on something. Oh, hell yeah. So I want to, like, call that way. So like the next thing you guys see, you want, you, you want to like assist Beverly?

Starting point is 00:58:01 Yes. I will allow that. Do I like diving board off your tail? Yeah. Yeah, I think I'm going to flap my tail as and he uses it like a diving board to get like, to sit there. Sick air.

Starting point is 00:58:12 Cool, mechanically, any, you know, rule sticklers out there. Just feel that she is using the assist, which is an action that you can do. She's assisting Beverly everyone. That is the spider's turn. Hard one, go ahead and do a strength check against this other one. And a post-strength check.

Starting point is 00:58:30 This one, it's fucking terrifying. These spiders jump down from the web. I was waiting for this. So no. He got an eight total. I got a nine. It is, it looks so stupid. You see this spider jumps down like you go to swing the timings all off. It one of its legs knocks your arm back but you roll over

Starting point is 00:58:55 and kick it off. Almost like it was gonna miss the boat anyway. Yeah. Yeah. He's like he's like about to land right in the river and you just push him over the edge. Did you? It's like catching a football and then jumping afterwards. Oh, no. Oh, no. Woo.

Starting point is 00:59:12 But you see this other one jumps down and it is going to attack Cobb. Why not? Why so? And it super hits. It hits him for, so he does six piercing damage, and then he's gonna do a lot of poison damage. Woo, and then another 26 damage to Cobb.

Starting point is 00:59:31 Oh my God. Oh my God. How's there a 32 damage? How's Cobb looking? Cobb is pretty hurt, but he's not on Death's door or anything. But yeah, you see this one spider comes down, and it's like, it's only one spider now, because the other one one the other one missed

Starting point is 00:59:45 It's jump essentially Pins cob down it takes a bite at him with his pinser and old cob is just screaming I don't have crick-ro what do people think I have crick-ro This is fun all this poison is fun. It's good man. I'm glad dude the vicious bee is coming Does anyone else see this as maribill? Oh, it's up to the spider. Oh no. Does anyone want to kiss the spider? All right, sit back, Cobb.

Starting point is 01:00:15 All right, shoot it with your gun. So you see Cobb is like wrestling with the spider, pulls out its gun, it's going to try to shoot him. And he hits twice. Good job, Caby. Good job, Pop. Good job. And he does 21 damage to this bad boy. Nice. Still looking pretty healthy. An eye for an eye for an eye for an eye for an eye. It's a dang beefy spell. Ballnor runs forward and he swings and he rolls it too shout out to the two crew Crew is scared of spiders Bound or is back

Starting point is 01:00:50 Bound or is back and we're gonna be in trouble Bound or is back bev it is your turn. You are on the shark In front if you want to hit the spider something you'd have to throw a javelin I thought that moonshine was gonna flip me into the air. Yeah. You're gonna, how would that help us? Okay, so you're gonna assist him to throw him back onto the raft? Yeah, she's gonna diving board me with her tail.

Starting point is 01:01:12 I don't understand what's so hard on her tail. Okay, okay, go ahead and roll an attack with advantage, I guess, God damn it. 15 plus eight, 23. Yes, that is. Great. Cool. I slice down into its Thorax. He slice down into his Thorax. Go hits. Great. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:25 Cool. I slice down into its Thorax. He slice down into his Thorax. Go ahead and do your damage. It's my first damage, I think. Congrats. Thank you. Ever? Yeah, ever. I've never done damage in the game before. It's weird that you didn't notice until now. All right. That's 14 damage on my first attack. Sweet. How much goop is coming out of Thorax?

Starting point is 01:01:42 Decent amount of goop. Okay. A lot of black gunk. Looks bad. Definitely don't eat it. I think about it for a moment. And then I slice down again. I'm trying to sever the thorax. Okay. Alright on. Make it really kind of like wobble and top. I guess bottom heavy. Yeah. Let's say 18 hits. Okay, great.

Starting point is 01:02:04 And that's nine more damage nine more damage. Yeah, how's that thorax looking thorax is looking pretty bad But he's he's still he's still alive all right Trying to sever it trying to hack that racks but couldn't quite get it Luna takes two swings she bites and she swings her great sword and she's gonna head Biting all these things that have crick-Rot probably not the best idea I never have her butt all the dogs mouths have way more bacteria in them good call

Starting point is 01:02:31 she can roll with advantage yeah good call she's a wolf so try lightly yeah she's a puppy dog and she's my friend so she does 15 damage to this dude

Starting point is 01:02:41 who's still looking okay but a little hurt and she's gonna do a roll with advantage to not get crit-grot I try to give a shit give me your stupid disease falker She passes I try to get the nickname puppy mommy going okay everyone go ahead and give me perception check no I'm not very Presensitive that was a seven I got a 13 15, Beverly, you see up ahead as you're riding a moonshine, the reef shark.

Starting point is 01:03:09 You see that there are like rapids ahead, like things are about to get bummed. Uh oh, things are gonna get choppy. Everybody look sharp. Hold on. So that was on 15, that is hard ones turned. Beverly just yelled that it's getting choppy. Okay, I think I'm still trying to kill the spider

Starting point is 01:03:25 But I'm yeah, I'm thinking about how we could uh, you can Ourself's in with vines you can essentially use an action to brace or you can fight the spider specifically I say don't get sloppy things are getting choppy you'll still get to do a next save no matter what but it'll be easy You'll get to roll with advantage if you brace got it. I'm gonna swing on the spider Natural one if you brace got it I'm gonna swing on the spider cool natural one oh yeah yeah yeah yeah but with my modifier it's a 10 damn you miss cool super miss I'll swing again go ahead that's time it's a 21 that hits

Starting point is 01:04:01 12 damage 12 damage. 12 damage. You do? When you hear that it's about to get choppy up ahead with that nat one, you let out a little yelp. And then it goes, what? Are you scared of all the things? Choppy water? I was a fart.

Starting point is 01:04:17 I'm sweating out of. It was really my pitch too. It actually smells terrible. I smell with my dog nose. Might be your fucking boyfriend said All right back around to the spider the spider is going to try to bite hard one and Rolls-a-two shout out to the two crew. Yes misses big time. Thank you to crew. That is Old Cobbs turn' Cobb's turn. Ol' Cobb shoots this dude. Any hits super hard, he rolls a 19?

Starting point is 01:04:48 Nice. That's a Balnor crit. Ol' Cobb, Ol' Cobb blows the spider's head off resident evil two style. That's a, you see, explodes. That's a Mountain Dew Balnor blast right there. Oh, oh. And then that is back around to Bev's turn.

Starting point is 01:05:03 Basically, what I wanna do is try and like seatbelt everybody into the vines. You definitely can't seatbelt everyone. I'll let you grab on and you can grab one other person if you want to give them advantage. Okay, yeah, I'll do that. I grab myself and I grab who's having the worst day. Oh, Cobb's pretty hurt.

Starting point is 01:05:20 Yeah, I'll grab, I'll grab a little Cobb. And you know what? I'll, can I touch hands, old Cobb, while I'm grabbing him and securing the ref Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'll say that you're doing it all in one motion It's one of your like natural abilities, so I'll allow you to do that. It looks good. How much how much you want to give him 10? Sweet, okay, he pops back up. He's looking a little bit better. Hey, thanks, man But I don't have crick-rott just to make that clear. I don't know if you were trying to heal my crick-rod that I don't have,

Starting point is 01:05:46 because I don't have it. I call upon him. Yeah, oh, wait, you have crick-rod? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no her waist prom style and is hanging on on Luna's turn she goes fuck dude goddamn it you see she grabs hard one and grabs on to the spectral so everybody is braced right now I guess what what is like a rapid look like inside the water oh just like rock yeah yeah shit that's the dodge a rock okay so Moonshine you'll do a deck saving throw as well. Okay How's the spray though is it fucking so dude it's sick? Oh nice a bumper noggin Wait, what are you rolling you're rolling a deck saving throw with advantage?

Starting point is 01:06:35 Okay, everybody's everybody's oh look at that all the empty all the NPCs hang on I got a 19 19 Moonshine you dart through expert shark. All right. That's 13 plus 417. Cool. You're good. 21 21 Moonshine the shark expertly weaves through all of the rocks The raft bangs up against these rapids. You see that it's fucking up the raft a little bit But everybody hangs on nobody falls off. You see as soon as you get past this little run of rapids Luna pushes you off of her. See for yourself next time, bro. Totally, totally.

Starting point is 01:07:09 Yeah. How many cartoon foxes do we see? So many, you guys are now on Splash Round Officially. Oh yeah, the trick is Splash Round. Are we wet? Was that fun? Yeah, how wet did we get? Oh, I passed out ponchos. I passed.

Starting point is 01:07:24 Okay, I got a ball start, you guys saw those for me So as you guys are continuing down this river you see that you're suddenly coming to a waterfall There are blue mushrooms all along the rocks just before the falls and on both sides of you You see dozens of these black mushroom guys with their sickle fists out, like getting ready to jump. I throw a javelin at the blue mushrooms. Go ahead and make an attack roll. Wait, at the blue mushrooms? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:52 Okay, I trust you, Beth. That's a 17? 17, 17 hits. Beverly throws a javelin at one of the blue mushrooms. You see, as soon as it hits, the waterfall disappears for a second and it looks like a regular river and then it goes back to being a waterfall.

Starting point is 01:08:09 Ah! Okay. Guys, that's not real. The mushrooms are a waterfall switch. Oh! There is no waterfall. Oh, that makes more sense. That makes a lot more sense.

Starting point is 01:08:23 Yeah, I think Biv's onto something with this waterfall. Throw all the weapons at the waterfall switch. Throw it out. Bounder just starts throwing things out of the bag. I can't see. We're gonna fall. We're going over.

Starting point is 01:08:35 Throw it over. Throw it over. It starts throwing sandwiches out. Biv starts clapping. Clap on. Clap on. I cast every third and fourth level spell on the waterfall switches. Well, we're going all up on, up on. I cast every third and fourth level spell on the waterfall switches.

Starting point is 01:08:46 Well, we're going all in on the waterfall switch. The raft continues. You guys pass right through the waterfall. And yes, it was just an illusion. Good for you, Bev. Going for that blue one. I've been trying to do something with those blue mushrooms for the past three episodes, I feel like.

Starting point is 01:09:02 Ask a good call. As you guys continue down the river, the raft begins to slow down as the water fills up with thicker and thicker muck. Until finally, you guys stop completely and you guys are just in the mud. How close are we? I refuse to admit it and I'm just trying so hard to swim.

Starting point is 01:09:20 Your tail is just sort of like moving back and forth. Like you're diving into the water. Yeah Yeah a shark just flopping in the mud and you guys see these big balloon-shaped gray mushrooms with holes in them with holes in the caps the one that Beverly jumped on to and exploded oh yeah you see that they're everywhere you see that there's big field. Hey friends don't jump on. And you see in the near distance. You see in the near distance is this giant fungal layer. You see the big bulbous mushrooms. And you see this river that is now dried up and is all mud and muck leads like right into an entrance. I think that's maybe where where Maribel is. I turn back into

Starting point is 01:10:08 moonshine and I'm like let's do it. Alright, into the muck. Before we go I feel inclined to tell y'all, um, Maribel visited me in my trance last night. Oh. I don't know if it was an influence of the rot. I don't know if it was an influence of a stressed out mind. She made strong implications that she's my real mother. Huh? I don't know if that's gonna come up. I don't know if she's gonna try to use that. Hey, we all have parental issues.

Starting point is 01:10:41 See, I thought I was special because I didn't have any. I looked at y'all with all your parental issues. See I thought I was special because I didn't have any. I looked at y'all with all your parental issues and thoughts. This is one person in the group doesn't know who their group parents are. I think we're stronger for it. The thing about parents is you're always going to have issues with them. Sometimes they're a little more extreme than other cases, but you got to work through them. Yeah I know. I'm letting it simmer. She should put a tea bag in this hot water, and I'm trying to figure out what to make. I know, that's why you gotta put a little milk in it.

Starting point is 01:11:11 Sometimes you just gotta put a little milk in the tea. And we'll be your milk. Okay, be my milk, please, babe. We're too live by. I turn to Luna. Isn't that right, Luna? We'll be your milk. We'll be your milk. right, Luna? We'll be your milk. Well, yeah, Luna, I'll be your milk.

Starting point is 01:11:29 Also, I just wanna come clean. Again, I don't know if it was the crick-rot, but I had dark feelings about both of y'all and I feel very guilty about that. I felt jealous of you in competition, sexually. I felt worried of you in competition sexually. I felt worried about you. And these were dark thoughts that I have never thought myself and they arose in my head and it may be the crick-wrot.

Starting point is 01:11:54 So I am compromised. I'm just putting it out there that I'm compromised. It's okay, I can be a real dummy sometimes, I know. No, but yeah, and I'm a formidable foe when it comes to winning affection. Harman, please stop taking this as a compliment. I apologize. I'm just saying that.

Starting point is 01:12:13 No matter what you think of us, we'll always get your milk. I guess why I brought that up was because it was such a ridiculous thought that I would say, oh, I'm not thinking right. Respect. Respect. Guys, I have a confession. Oh, boy. Can you see Maribel last night?

Starting point is 01:12:28 I have CrickRot. I got it on the raft. I don't know. I played it pretty cool, but yeah. Yeah. I guess I think, oh my God. Thanks, um, I know. I would have never known you held it together.

Starting point is 01:12:41 What's the final count on CrickRot here? I guess everyone raise your hand if you got the rock. I got the rock. I cough into my hand and raise a black oozy hand. Wow. What a ball. Bound or has it? Yeah, Bound or raises his hand.

Starting point is 01:12:54 It's just lo and horrible. How long have you been? All right. All right. Well, when we're all dead, I guess you can restart the party. Very good. That's a cobble level here. Let's not joke about that. I flash you to

Starting point is 01:13:06 L. I do it. So old cobb looks at you guys and he goes, should we call upon power the elements or... After you, you've done this before? Yeah. Sounds like you're gonna do me. Post is now or never yeah, all right You see he takes off all of his clothes a crick elf style. All right. I'm completely unmoved. It's so normal to me I dropped my pants These upon these seeing them naked I suddenly feel awkward in my clothes and take off my I put on all their clothes awkward in my clothes and take off my clothes. I put on all their clothes. O'Cob lifts his hands up and he goes, ah, the champion of the air,

Starting point is 01:13:50 summon the great elemental Titan to grant me her power. And suddenly you see the air around him whip up and take the shape of the air elemental Titan with her elvish armor and she whispers on the wind. Is this truly your time of need? I will grant you my powers only once." And Ol' Cobb kind of gestures around to all of the terribleness and death around you. Oh yeah, I would say everything's pretty fucking bad. She goes, all right, all right. And you see the air elemental Titan flies through Cobb and Cobb becomes transparent and

Starting point is 01:14:31 begins floating. Whoa. Hey. Cobb looking good. It feels good. You can't see the fishes, V any more. Oh. Oh, no, no.

Starting point is 01:14:40 Oh, there he is looking for it. It's very hard to catch on the wind. Reflection, that's where you see it a little bit. Alright, I'll go next. It's Beverly steps forward. He puts his hands together in kind of a circle, and he holds them up to where the sun is in this guy to kind of form like a magnifying glass.

Starting point is 01:15:03 Yeah, you see a beam of light shoots down from the sun through your hand and creates a little ember that then erupts into a flame forming the fire tighten, aka fire daddy. Fire daddy! How are you my son? I'm doing well, how are you? I'm doing great, you have a new sister her name is Jamie Oh, you see he raises a steamy water elemental out of the nearby river Congratulations, man. I'll teach her out of braid her hair or whatever fire elementals pass for hair

Starting point is 01:15:36 And I won't kill this one Appreciate it fire daddy. I'm very proud of you and happy for you But now is our moment of need and I need you to fill me with the flames of justice and vengeance so that I may Avenge my friend fire daddy nods then he turns into a fireball shoots directly at you and sets you a light Your skin to burns off and it takes on a reddish hue Beverly looks like a little fire goblin Not an improvement. It looks like it hurts, but you're having fun. That's all the matter. It definitely does hurt a little bit. Bev, your strength modifier goes up to plus six.

Starting point is 01:16:16 You're immune to poison. You have advantage on strength checks, and you get plus 1D6, fire damage on attacks. Okay, well, fuck it. Hard one's gonna step forward. Earth elemental, I am your fucking champion. Remember that? I call upon you to make me awesome. You see some of the muck around you,

Starting point is 01:16:41 Hardens and turns to stone. I fall back onto it, try to do a muck. A muck around you, hardens and turns to stone. I fall back onto a try to do a muck. A muck, a needle. You get caught like a trust fall by the rock elemental guy who appears behind you. When I do a trust fall again. Trustful part three. I will always catch you, my friend, my champion.

Starting point is 01:17:01 It is I, the Sultan of stone. You have called me. Ah yes brother are you making your voice deeper? No it's always like this right well do you need my powers is this your time of need my champion? Yo I never need any new powers but this is my time of want. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Uh, semantics, I guess. You see, he grabs you by the shoulders and gives you a bro headbutt. Knockin' noggins.

Starting point is 01:17:32 His head explodes, the rocks explode, and join your skin, turning you into a stone golem with a beard. Fuck. Yeah. Hard one, your con modifier goes up to plus six. You're immune to poison, and you have advantage on con saves, and you get goes up to plus six. You're immune to poison,

Starting point is 01:17:45 and you have advantage on con saves, and you get plus two to AC. Wow. Woo. I step forward, and I whip out the trident that my water mommy gave me, and I have a repressed tear in my eye from just sharing that painful story with y'all.

Starting point is 01:18:04 And I take the trident and with it, I like grays just get like a little bit of a tear from my cheek. You cry something, huh? Yeah, I cry. And then I say, water, mommy, your daughter needs you. You see your tear swirls and takes shape. If I even am your daughter, I don't even know whose daughter I am anymore Oh moonshine the tear takes shape informs the water Titan

Starting point is 01:18:31 And she looks at you and goes ah yes my Champion aka my daughter. He slept in a clam and kissed me on the bow and kissed me on the bow. Weild and your beloved tried it. Would you bequeathed me? What the hell did you guys do? She swam down and kissed me on the bow. So she went down. Yep, she went down on you.

Starting point is 01:18:55 Oh. Mom, make a scrapbook already. Yo, what? Do you want my powers? Is that what you want? Did you want my powers? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Starting point is 01:19:07 You see she. I could also use your maternal lineage because I'm real confused about that these days, but whatever you can give me. She just dives down your mouth so that you'll stop talking. Oh. And your body joins the water.

Starting point is 01:19:19 Your skin turns blue, and you have the outer appearance of a sea elfELF with very extreme features. Oh, shit. If Moonshine and I high-five would there just be like vapor? Oh, let's try it. We try it. I have five Beverly. One, two, three.

Starting point is 01:19:35 Oh, it sizzles. Oh, yeah. So Moonshine, your whiz modifier goes up to plus six. You're immune to poison and your spores become seeds. So they're gonna burst and do like forced damage. You essentially like shoot them and then little vines come out and do like fine damage. And you can add one D6 to every cure spell you do.

Starting point is 01:19:58 Whoa. Woo. I nudge Luna. Huh? Luna's like, I call upon the power of the... I call upon the power of being a fucking wolf. You see she turns into a real wolf. What? Just a straight up wolf.

Starting point is 01:20:12 Wait, you can do that? I'm sorry, did you not see me as a fucking shark? Whatever, fuck you. Turns back into a werewolf. I was not trying to ride you. Don't worry about it. And as you guys are filled with all this elemental power, you guys feel the benefits of a long rest.

Starting point is 01:20:29 Oh, yeah baby! I love waking up hot. Oh that's great. Oh. God I saved all of my luck points on the water. I mean I saved all my spells because I thought we were gonna buy Maribel. Yeah, me so. But now I got an extra wild shape back.

Starting point is 01:20:44 It's almost like you knew he would save our spells to make the harder. All right, y'all. I mean, I say even though we look bad at us and we're very attention-getting, I still say we try it still, Finn. Because if we could, I don't know what she does with her days, but if we could find her just pacing her quarters,

Starting point is 01:21:01 like planning some sort of evil doing, it would be great to get a surprise around I mean she's still got to like go shopping and like make shopping lists and stuff like that so like she's expecting us though right Yes, what if you go in and we stealth around suddenly you guys here in your head Oh, that is an interesting plan. Oh fuck you think the center of this fungal network can't hear exactly what y'all are doing? Or was it our plan for you to hear all along? Hmm, she's got you there. And also, what should I call you? Cause I got a Mima.

Starting point is 01:21:40 So are you just mother? I might watch your mouth, young and consider in. I got all these mushrooms around you. And you see they start pulsating. These big bulbous-like balloon mushrooms. What if I were to just make a few of these go pop? Um, I hate to burst your bubble, but most of us already got the rot, so... All right then. Oh, I mean, stop me though. If someone else doesn't like it, I'll pop it. You already have Crick Rock, yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:26 You don't already have a crack rock. You hear her laugh and she goes, sorry, excuse me, where are my manners? I am being inhospitable. And you see the mushrooms around you guys all deflate and hang down as if dead, giving you a clear path to the giant mushroom. And she goes, why don't we quit pussyfootin' around and meet face to face? Welcome home, baby. Yeah, so let's just go do it, right? And that's where we'll end it, would you?

Starting point is 01:23:02 And that's where we'll end our session. Oh yeah, yeah, I, oh boy. Hey, moonshine, I already fucked over my mom. Let's go fuck over yours. Yeah, mom hunters trying to set here to feel bad, but I'm a sea witch now. So that's oh my god. What do Martha Togold was behind this all along? This is all her fault. It does smell like cinnamon's here.

Starting point is 01:23:25 Oh no. Guys, head on over to patreon.com slash nad pod to listen to the after show, our short rest. Oh, it's gonna be a doozy. Yeah, we're about to fight Maribel, guys. Yes, exciting. The player, I'm very excited. Mocha is just juggling a lot of emotions.

Starting point is 01:23:44 Yeah. Guys, by me an Emily's book, Hey, what, how to turn your booty call into your emergency contact and get it on Amazon or you can get it on Audible, satirical relationship advice book. Called, how do you watch big city greens? You can watch it on Amazon or iTunes or on the Disney Now app. I'm not sure when it's airing on Disney Channel, but it should be airing. They're doing reruns on Disney XD all summer for the rest of the summer. So you can check it out there. Very good.

Starting point is 01:24:08 Of course, listen to if I were you, follow us on Twitter at CHMurf is me, at Jake Herwood is Jake, at EX for it is Emily, at called these called well and tweet about the show using HatchPack. And tweet about the show using HatchPack. And that's it, you did it! You did it! Pew, Pew, Pew, Pew! We are, we are, you the generation! And talk about the show using hashtag

Starting point is 01:24:29 We are The use of a nation hash patch Fuck all y'all Hey guys, it's the end of the show and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Oh yeah, y'all do us so right. Oh that's right. You give a sexy reading from Emily and myself, starting with Matthew and. Woohoo!

Starting point is 01:25:00 Cut me off, I like it. You sassy girl. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha. Mavie and the Bullywag prints a real naughty playboy of a prince too. Much more of a Harry than a William also as a gorgeous set of gingerlocks just like Harry. Joe N, the lover of Lucy, turned to the fiance of Lucy.

Starting point is 01:25:19 As Bohumiya's hottest couple, the tabloids are already vying for exclusive access to the wedding pictures. Ooh, Brad Day, the only pebble pot that isn't Craven. Brad D actually volunteered as a smoke jumper during the recent spate of wildfires and the living wood. Ah, ain't that nice of him. J. Loma's 72, aka Steelbreaker, hard ones, Jim Sp, started a fad diet called Sliders,

Starting point is 01:25:45 Craw Daddy's End of the Brown Stuff, and it turned into a best-selling e-book. Okay, I could do that, Dad. I'd buy that in a hard cover. I'd buy that in a hard-covered display and I'm a mantle. Andru A. AKA Feldsbar, Lied Garden, the Half-Earth. During the Giant Wars, Feldsbar mocked and ridiculed

Starting point is 01:26:03 the notoriously neutral elves until they were shamed into joining the war. Ooh, Taylor Papa the Sixth, legendary bard to whom no item is an instrument. Once played, the demonic spiderweb on the river like a harp and brought all the sickled handed trumzed tears. Do they cry, black tar tears, I hope? Okay, Dylan B, a super weak wizard who wields 12 swords. Unfortunately, this means Dylan spends a lot of money on custom scabbards. They look good, though.

Starting point is 01:26:32 They do. Simon W, the bootleg of Hard One, soft loss. Simon orders his sliders bunless and failed his airship driver's test, but he did reject Hard One's axe when she tried to rebound with him. Oh, what integrity! Ultimately a better life. Danny P. Bohumia's resident artist painted Hardwan's senior portrait at the Dwarfnitch. Danny P. also painted a series of harrowing pictures of what life was really like in the Dwarfnitch

Starting point is 01:27:01 and is known as Iron Deeps Jacob Rees. Oh, Tom P, father of the realm, a serenader of sleeping babies, if you've been rocked to slumber by Tom P, Maribel can't enter your dreams and taunt you. Wow, moonshine could have used that. Thank you very much, Tom P. Spencer, Caskbrough, a patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia alike, made a cocktail so tasty that one time even Skolas couldn't resist a sip.

Starting point is 01:27:31 And he likes to keep a clear mind. You guys. Pedro E. Barth of the mountains. The forest have been aggressively trying to recruit Pedro E because their barred suck, but Pedro E. is committed to the mountains. You know, that is also integrity. Don Lemon, the dwarf, a rich dwarf from a nice part of Iron Deep. Don Lemon, the dwarf's daddy is a lawyer, so them and their friends are always getting

Starting point is 01:27:53 away with shit. Fuck that, you know. Come on, Don Lemon. Don Lemon is a privileged dwarf. Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn eldritch knight and owner of the Badgers pine in and tavern it should be noted that the Badgers pine in has a killer continental breakfast with a make your own waffle bar and 24 hour pool access. That is nice. I bet it's adults only right. Beard man Dan's beard is so thick and complex. It is home to several species of birds,

Starting point is 01:28:27 including hard ones crow, hard two before hard two got lost in the fog. Gotta get him back to that beard. Ha, ha, ha. Then there's Scott D has crick-rot, but as such a high constitution, he hasn't noticed yet. Sorry to break it to you, Scott D. Aaron C has one level in every class, just runs around casting spells, raging, singing

Starting point is 01:28:49 and attacking at the same time, a goddamn whirlwind. Hermes W. The Bat King has never met Batman, but did meet the bats that traumatized him into becoming Batman, and yes, those bats swear fealty to him. Love a good swearing of feelty. Okay, T. Alex, the strongest bar who ever lived, not the best singer, but can outlift any musician in the land. That's a useful skill.

Starting point is 01:29:14 Harley S, a traveling wizard who once tricked the Crick Elves into buying designer sticks from him. The sticks were pretty nice though. Okay, moonshine has one. It was pretty nice. She, you know, displays that. Parker E and Esri Journalist who bravely reported on Professor Duttle's treachery long before the band of boobs ever knew about it. He was captured and had his

Starting point is 01:29:34 memory erased though, so he doesn't even remember how brave he is. Trajick. Kyle McQ, owner and operator of Bohumiya's own McQuantled franchise. Woo-hoo, I'm loving it. But out the original owners, the McQuantled brothers, then franchise the restaurant. The story is chronicled in the Michael Quaglis movie The Clounder. Ah!

Starting point is 01:29:56 Ah! Ah! R.J.W. the werewolf who accidentally bit Luna and gave her Lycanthropy due to a heavy make out session. It was supposed to be a hikki, but now she's aware of what. Gotta be careful. Spartas, the fastest Crick elf in all the land,

Starting point is 01:30:13 faster even than old Cobb, though his V isn't quite as vicious. Not as deep. The sweat doesn't pull quite the same. Adam are, wields a two-handed axe, one-handed. Doesn't even use a shield or anything. Just kind of punches people with the other hand. So it's like, why not just use two hands on the axe, right? Because it looks cool.

Starting point is 01:30:35 Brent B. Taught Alonus Magic, not wizard magic, though. The magic of music. Introduced Alonus to all of the coolest bands, he's essentially her rad, barred uncle. Nice. Cassandra MHP used to man the canon on the SS Stormborn has shot 30 giants in the frickin' face in 14 in the nuts. Oh boy. Matt C, aka Mattie Big Crit's Matthias of House Crit, Savior of Hard One and Old Cobb,

Starting point is 01:31:03 legally changed his name from Matthew to Matthias due to mounting pressure from our fan base. Yeah, not to mention, you know, Matthias is going to be a saint and you need a saint name. Danielle, the Dastardly Dame is so sneaky she once broke into Balnor's house and replaced all of his tuna fish sandwiches with tuna salad sandwiches sandwiches, as a goof, Balnor didn't notice. QC, aka, howdor frostback, MVP of the giant wars crewed on the SS stormborne and fought alongside Elias and Red, a barbarian warrior from the frigid north, O.A. shirtless, even in frigid temperatures, does feel the cold but just needs to show off that rippling body.

Starting point is 01:31:46 Kind of like an ice fobio, if you think about it. Mani the mundane accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest belt to reach divinity. When you look in your fridge and suddenly remember that you have leftovers, and that's Mani watching over you. Mani bless us all. Daniel Yu, aka Multifor, the owner of a sweet boat that sounds like Gilbert Godfried. Also, he kind of sounds like Gilbert Godfried. Is he making the boat talk?

Starting point is 01:32:11 Is he just talking into a little loudspeaker? Dude? This is the questions on questions. Jordan DJ, a legendary DJ of the realm, did a set in the elemental chaos and the water daughter rolled so hard the police had to call the fire daddy to come pick her up embarrassing.

Starting point is 01:32:29 And they do not call the cops often in the elemental chaos. It is chaotic there. Jeffrey S. Lorde of the Fjord, born of the sword, a friend of cord and has a really cool Rubik's Cube so he never gets bored. You know, it's not Rubik's Cube's

Starting point is 01:32:42 where are the thinking man's fidget spinner. Xavier C once got green shades so high that he legit had to take a nap. And that dude can smoke. Yeah. Cutter W. A high elf dandy turned crick stump attack. Cutter was commissioned to do a complete rebuild of moonshine stump after the plumbing backed up from too many youngins up or decking her toilet. Recently someone pointed out to me that we should be saying, bark attacked instead of stump attacked and it's making me question my entire life. Lex S. A Genossi rogue waiting in the wings to become Bev's next dad. Their door's always open for that.

Starting point is 01:33:20 John S. A.K.A. Shubbert the Mushroom. Moon Shine's spores actually made him double in size. He's still adorable, but he's kind of jacked now. Oh, I love it. You know, I'm size in the right places. Hmm. James B. is super aggro-wear wolf that bit Luna. Dang, she's getting bit-lifed right in these cats-well elders. Now, he makes a living touring Bahumia and competing in backyard wrestling matches and fighting rings, kinda like Wolverine in that regard. Right, Wolverine's a backyard wrestler, right? Ha ha ha. Ryan M. Ryan once made lunch from a thious of House Crit.

Starting point is 01:33:53 It's believed that the scallions in his tuna sandwich are what gave Maddie C the strength to save hard one in old cops. Stop everything I fucking love scallions, shout out to scallions. Alaina C. Once made a bullyw log meeting call so effective that she dated that bully log king for four months. You can get to know someone pretty well in four months. I know. Andrew M the closest thing hard one had to attract rival in high school.

Starting point is 01:34:18 Always beat hard one in the steeple chase but nothing else. And of course Ricky aka tricky Ricky up tricky, tricky, up the tricky, Ricky's fine wine shows everyone a good time and it will often blow their mind, hey, Ricky. Andrew R. Once got super fucked up and kicked Skullis' ass, which was upsetting to Skullis because he was sharp and sober as ever

Starting point is 01:34:38 and he felt every hit. Cannibalistic Cthulhu once beat Cord in a pissing match and he didn't even really have to go that's god-p Wow Michael McD head mixologist at the Blumana Inn and makes a delicious bloody Mary that legit has three sliders on top of the glass Oh, I'd love to see the toothpick that could handle that load and of course Buttsbrigged Metri famous dorgers who owns and runs the beloved franchise dorgers big borgers, they do this awesome thing where they mix onion rings and fries so

Starting point is 01:35:10 you never have to choose. Victor T. Balnor's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. As his custom for his family, Victor mourns his father's loss by wearing black socks under a pair of ceremonial teavus. Henry A. Beverly's horseback riding instructor try as he might. Henry couldn't prevent Bev from getting repeatedly kicked in the face. Kids had a lot of concussions.

Starting point is 01:35:35 Penfield, the legendary satyr sensei, who taught the satyr squad all of their dance moves, has a floor-length ponytail that doubles as a deadly whip. Oh, what a beautiful death that would be. RJS, a world famous artist, who uses magic paintbrush to bring monsters to life. They've only managed to create two tiny cobalt, though, because the paint isn't magic and it's hella expensive. Colin G, president of the Nomes, tried to start a PR campaign to show that not all Nomes are charlatans and pranksters, but got killed halfway through their term while trying to pants a dwarf. Oh, of course, you know, you can't resist it. Austin L. Attaler, who specializes in weird fantasy garments.

Starting point is 01:36:19 Are you urgent for jerkins, reaching for breaches, loony for tunics? Austin will hook you up. Lance W. The barbarian leader of the much less popular No Tooth clan loves oatmeal even more than boughnor. Oh, you know, no teeth oatmeal is going to be your go-to, although sometimes you get a chew oatmeal. Just in I, the world's only spaghetti wizard made a pact with a pasta demon and can now summon noodles at will Currently debating whether or not they also want to make a pact with a meatball demon Eli A owns a pet store that specializes in familiars offers an awakening seminar every third Friday Wow, but be careful who you awaken, you know

Starting point is 01:37:00 Kayla B.K. the banisher this dude just loves You know, Caleb aka the banisher, this dude just loves banishing things. I once saw them banish an entire movie theater for talking during the mag. No warnings or nothing. Caleb is ice cold like that. I actually heard the mag is pretty good. Clayton Mamm, the Pope of Bohumia, bet you didn't think there'd be a Pope in a fantasy setting. Guess again, dummy, Catholicism exists here too.

Starting point is 01:37:25 The only small difference is that their god is an immortal worm from space. Oh, okay. TJM possesses a huge enchanted gauntlet known as the hand of unending malice that is currently collecting dust under their bed because they lost the instruction booklet for it. Gotta keep it in the box. The professional and incredibly cute tabaxi assassin who kills their

Starting point is 01:37:50 victims with kindness and also poison. Lots and lots of poison. Oh I'd love to set them up on a date with Papa. Jacob C. A blacksmith think later on who possessed the forbidden knowledge of how to make a sword you could actually fuck. Despite their skill set, they still turn down Galad's request because he skipped them out. He'll do that. Elena M, a best-selling Bahumi and author who has penned over 200 cursed tomes. Their latest novel, A Book Bound in Flesh, with a huge single eye-crying blood just at the New York Times Top 10. Oh, and finally, Mickpux, the code master,

Starting point is 01:38:26 the digital hero who was tirelessly coding our website, created a potion that allows you to read all terms and conditions agreements instantaneously. Mark Zuckerberg personally curses Macpux's name every night before bed. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Head on over to the Patreon to listen to our after-show short rest and- I'm a chitchat or chatter. before bed. That was a Hitgun podcast.

Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 28: Monster Inside You (Tales From the Crick)

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