Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 30: Smuggler's Bounty (The Cutthroat Chronicles with Siobhan Thompson)

Episode Date: August 30, 2018

The Band of Boobs say goodbye to the Crick and head off for a relaxing getaway -- but is their vacation doomed from the start? Hardwon pulls off some sick tricks, Beverly beefs it big time, and Moonshine tries to get laid. Siobhan Thompson joins us as "Field Elf" Barbarian Apple Scrumper! Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Seagulls" by Dobroide at Freesound.org."Sea Waves" by Owl at Freesound.org."Big Crowd Chatter" by Kyster at Freesound.org."Crowd in a Bar" by Leandros Ntounis at Freesound.org."Skeeball" by RTB45 at Freesound.org."Woodpeckers and Other Birds" by Kyster at Freesound.org.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Bahumi. Bahumi. I Bahumiya. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy, joined by Jake Herwits. Hard one, surefoot. Emily Axford. Moon Chan, Sabin, Youngin to three mothers. Meema, Threema, and Seema. Oh, who's Seema?

Oh, Water Meema. That's good. I like that very nice. And of course, call the whole town. Beverly Togo, the fifth, the green flame who loves to play games. Oh, good nickname. Thank you.

We had two weeks off. People were, people were, they were, you guys came with your homework done, and I appreciate that. Everyone gets an A. We're all daddy's little favorite podcast, boys and girls. Oh, we should probably acknowledge that we're going to have Shivan Thompson on this episode.

Yeah. We're going to wrapivan Thompson on this episode. Yeah. We're gonna wrap things up on this kind of current quest here and then we'll be joined by Shivan a little bit later. But anyway, let's get into it guys. Let's do a recap. Yes. Last week you faced Maribel in a battle to save the Crick. But just as Moonshine delivered the killing blow,

Maribel's cursed fungus and devil features melted away to reveal a sickly frail, crick-elf. You learned to be a flashback that Maribel did not intentionally offer up her services to the Nine Hells, but was tricked by the legendary Necromancer Il said, who stole her signature from a letter, cut her, and stole her blood, then enter her name himself into the cursed book. Guys, did we never talk about how this was a metaphor for just agreeing to terms and conditions? This is the iTunes, blackening, yeah. That's what this is, guys.

Perfect, amazing, right? Oh God, that makes it so much sadder. I was owes your ass. Maribel stabbed herself to stop the transformation, but that only sped up the spread of Crick rot through her body, forming the Maribel, the Terabell, who almost destroyed the Crick. Moonshine pretended to be Jolyne to give Maribel some closer, and a chance to say sorry, once Maribel passed, you were transported to a place between worlds where you met the

God Melora. With her blessing and your elemental powers, you were able to heal the land and save the Crick, you rejoined all the Cr creek elves and ants of the living wood who are once again healthy and you celebrated with a big crawfish boil and that's where we are now. That's me looking my fingers. Oh hell yeah. Oh he's getting into the yuck. He's gonna taste for this creek. He's trying the brown stuff for the first time. He can eat that spicy food because he's got the blessing of the fire elemental fire daddy has

blessed me in more ways than one. Yeah, you guys for 24 hours. So you guys still have those. I'm not gonna handle all of my show my crawfish. Kelly into it. Yeah, boy Kelly. Yeah, he can just reach. It's reaching to boiling pot and for that hot

crawfish and the young ones are going wild for it. Well, that's crazy. I want to do it. They got to touch it. Oh, Mama has to grab it them with her mouth. Stop it. I'm wearing like an old-timey bathing suit and I'm just in the crawfish pot. Yeah.

I'm a, I'm stirring you around. I'm seasoning you up. Everyone thinks that's hilarious. Don't eat me though. We're just too weak. We're not eating me. No, I'm just gonna make you smell real nice. Some of the bigger pulley wugs are looking at it. Yeah, pulley wugs, however. That's a tasty looking baby. Yeah, the crawfish. They're like baby lobsters. That's what you meant, right? So dinner is just wrapping up, but it's nighttime now.

Everyone's kind of sitting around the big bonfire by the grandma tree. You see Luna has gone off to kind of rejoin the chosen guys in moonshine stump. The young ones are all running around, and you guys are there with Mima and Mama and old Cobb. And I'm assuming you guys have kind of given Mima the rundown.

The rug out. Oh yeah, unless you really want me to walk us through it right now. Could you just give me a full recap, Mama? Mima heard the recap at the beginning of the episode. Yeah. Um, I think that right now, you know, maybe we grab Bev out of the steam and pot.

And the three of us maybe have a little talk with Ol Cobb because I am worried about him. Yeah, it's Ol Cobb. Is Ol Cobb enjoying the crawfish boil? Ol Cobb and Mima are both happy sad if that makes sense. I think they're both happy that their third party member, Mima sister, Olcobs lover, was not evil. But now this is just a new tragedy. You know what I mean? Yeah. Mima had come to terms with the fact that her sister had betrayed the crick, but now she's like lost her sister. And if I did some casual shadow puppets

that wouldn't cheer anyone up or. Let's give it a shot. I would actually, I would appreciate a shadow puppet if you would have fun. Okay, I just hold pop up. So that is, he's the shadow. And then I squeeze him so he dances. That's extremely casual, yep.

That's honestly hilarious. But he doesn't laugh. He just looks into the fire I I find that I've got one stray piece of corn stuck into my swimsuit and I like fish it out and I handed the old cob And I'm like, uh, uh, your name and old cob for old cob. Yeah Once once again, he just says that it's funny. That's really funny. Okay. I'm sorry Cobb We're just we're doing back flips trying to cheer you up Hey, you know what ultimately this is good news and Yeah, Mima kind of says the same thing. She's feeling the same way. She goes

Yeah, you know, I I never understood because I Didn't think Maribel was capable of that. I mean she she was a renegade, but in kind of like a, you know, Wolverine, or Rafael from the Ninja Turtles type renegade, you don't expect them to, you know, go for genocide, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, Mima, were you holding out hope that she was gonna end up being good and she was gonna be back in her life or anything like that or bringing it? She was so end up being good and she was gonna be back in her life or anything like that or bring just... She was so far gone. I truly had no idea. This is a shock to me. You're take a hug for this.

She takes me to the crib water. She takes a huge tougha. Yeah, those nostrils look hungry. That's what I do. The shadow puppets aren't working. The shadow puppets are honestly very funny. On the road, Moon Shies bit do it. It's a pretty, pretty avant-garde shadow puppet show. Very hilarious.

I can make a crustacean with my hands and my toes. Yeah, she's been getting real into Kabuki Theater. I would love to see that toe trick if you would at my own. Absolutely, I'd do it. I'll whip it out. You do it. Everybody has a good laugh.

And you see Brother All-Break and the other shows and nights, including Luna, all have their bags packed and everything. And you see Brother All-Break with all all these nights behind him walks over to you guys, and he goes, congratulations. You've saved the prick. Yeah, yeah, thank you. You're fucking right, we did.

Yes, well, I know that you think we're enemies, but that squabble and go later on, it's over. Yala is God and Emperor, and there is a war coming. Hey, I don't think we're enemies. I just think you're a huge fucking loser. Yeah, I honestly was about to buy what you were selling until you got to the theala stuff again. Yeah, we just got through a war. I don't think we need any more for a bit, but if you don't mind, there are wars. There's our side and there's ill said, I don't know if you, I'm sure you saw what was going on

in that fog because you actually went into the fog. Yeah, we did go into the fog. We actually kicked the shit out of Meribel, the terabel. And I guess you were cleaning out the tank of a toiletly entire time. That took half an hour. You were gone for several days. What did you do?

How did you spend your hours at the creek? We mostly, I did some light reading. We played charades. I'm sorry I missed that. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. You're right. It does sound like you guys are the side to be on. Yeah. We're really shaking in our boots for this war. Okay. Well anyway, the devil is going to fight the Aula.

So pick your side, I guess. I'll stick on the side. You know what? I'm sick. I'm a little sick of sides. Yeah, I kind of agree. There doesn't have to be two sides There could be three. Yeah, just look at this jumbo lie. We've got here. You've got the main gumbo and you've got multiple sides All mixed into a big bowl Corn potatoes Another type of potatoes. That is you know what young Bev? That is a beautiful analogy down at the creek of we're making dinner You don't you don't have to choose a side. You load up your play with as many as you want we're all together in this big bull

Some people don't like an entre some people like a lot of sides. Yeah, some people just like to go hog on cornbread You see he had like prepared this whole speech about like Maybe you guys might have to work together to beat the devil, but he just pinches his nose. Brother Albrecht, we may be on different sides of the light, but we bow to the light nonetheless. So we see you again, hopefully it won't be his enemies. I don't bow to the light, but... I give a polite nod to the light.

All right, well I give a polite nod to all of you Go fuck yourself. I'm sure that's not a polite nod, but yeah, I flush him a call me something Yes, if you're ever in Galator on again, you know apologize for your sins and Bend the need of the island will we'll see what we can do? I send pop-out of Pants and Walsh? I do need somebody to Pants. St. Kaka's back out.

I don't want to start a fight. I'm not going to have the crawfish broil be ruined. But can we have Pop-O to Pants and then Kaka comes in and table tops him over Pop-O? Oh yeah, real quick. The birth name is Kaka now and I apologize to everybody that we're not doing that in the first place. No, no, hand check for pop-off. Do I add my modifier to him or do it as he has his own pop-off? Pop-off is pretty scrambling. I'll say pop-off has a plus five to a slight of hand. Okay, that's gonna be a 24. Wow!

Yeah! That pants is coming down. I hope you weren't attached to the bridge. All right, all right. Put it all over it. It's pretty wide. He's got teeth in his face and let's see what he gets. God damn it. So, all bricked, this is pretty wise. He's got T-Synmore Seffism, let's see what he gets. God damn it. He got an 18, which isn't fast enough for Papa. Wait, he's wearing a robe. I guess Papa runs up and bites the ass out of his robe. So a piece of fabric is hanging down

and you can see his Mormon type underwear. Whoa, that is, have a little class. Get your rat off of me. Don't play. You maniac. Don't play the policy. You are all terrible at diplomacy. All right, come on Luna, say goodbye to your friends.

And I'll break to walks off with the other nights. You see Luna, she starts to walk off with them. She's got like the yellow eyes, but she's in human mode and she goes Fuck out of my way and she bumps into you hard one and she passes you a note as nice I walk off. Do you like me? Yes, no? All right Fuck you loser and then I Fuck off dude and then I read the note

the note says I spent my entire life looking for a cure, but after meeting the goddess, I'm not so fucking sure that I need one. I don't know my purpose in all this, but I don't think I'm gonna find it with the chosen. I don't want to endanger the crick, so I'm gonna wait until we're far enough out of town, but I'm leaving the church. Is that even the right choice? Fuck if I know. After what I've seen in the fog, I'm gonna wait until we're far enough out of town, but I'm leaving the church. Is that even the right choice? Fuck if I know. After what I've seen in the fog, the chosen could be the only thing standing

between us and the nine hells, she just fucked. Anyway, very well, and perhaps we'll find each other again someday if the gods will it. Peace, Luna. Thanks for that. I try to catch her eyes and give her a, the weird fucked up peace sign. So she knows I'm her boy.

She sticks her hand behind her back and gives you guys the peace sign. Hell yeah. Uh, Mima just kind of shakes her head and she goes, ah, fucking prex. Me, Ma. Yeah. I don't like them. You know, I try to be hospitable, but I know it only comes out to a certain point That was funny when when pop-off did that and mama goes I must admit while I found it in advisable to

white someone in the ass During such a tense moment. It was indeed It was indeed chuckle worthy. You know, he's a scramble man And if you if you try and make him not scramble, he's gonna get pinned up So you gotta let scramble man scramble man. I take a scramble man. And if you try and make him not scramble, he's gonna get pinned up. So you gotta let the scramble man scramble. I take the scramble out of the man. Yeah, you guys were keeping it real hot there.

I appreciate it, because I've been a fucking sad sack for a while now. We understand. Mima goes, you know, y'all, I know I said after you guys save the crate that I'd go on a spa day with you, but I think maybe me and Old Cobb here need to maybe hang out and have a little think, have a little drink in a Mary Bales honor. But if you youngens want to go off and have a little fun, I think you've earned it.

You know, I don't disagree. I think that what just happened, we all need, we all need a little self-care. And if your self-care is having a drink with Cobb back here, I respect that. But my self-care is going to a spy. And she goes, I got a little suggestion of a place

you might be interested in checking out. Oh, was there it? Mayma's got the best suggestion. Oh yeah. Me and Old Cobb, we were, we were a little while back in checking out. Oh, was there it? Maymon's got the best suggestion. Oh yeah. Me and Old Kyle, we were, we were a little wild back in our day in Old Kyle's house. Do you tell? Oh yeah.

And she goes, I know of a little place that you young, it's my goodness, I'm fun. It's called Smuggler's Bounty. It's a secret pirate meetup, a casino island paradise. Oh, oh my. Often the sea not too far from here. Beverly is already fishing costume jewelry. Out of his backpack.

He's got fake earrings on. Moonshine started ovulating. And now it obviously can be dangerous, y'all, but y'all can protect yourself. You just saved the creek. I think you'll be fine. Yeah, I think we're gonna be the most dangerous thing there. Am I right, boys? be the most dangerous thing there. Am I right boys?

Hard will put on his goggles. Oh, danger of hoi. Maybe you don't know where those there. You might get made fun of. What do you mean? No, the hat's really cool, man. Yeah, the goggles are neat. Cool, thanks, Cobb.

I didn't understand what you're talking about for a second, but now I understand that the hat and the goggles are neat. Cool, thanks, Cobb. I didn't understand what you're talking about for a second, but now I understand that the hat and the goggles are really cool. You guys are having this conversation by the fire with B-Bard Cobb and Boundor walks up behind you guys. What are we doing with Gambling? I take a long, long pause. And then a clap Boundor on the back, I say. Brother, you are the guest of honor.

Yeah. I hope there's a buffet. Yes, sir. All you can eat, Mima goes, Mama, why don't you go run off in a Grab My Old Spell book? I think I got the coordinates written somewhere there. And you see Mama scrambles off, and she comes back like 10 minutes later

with an old book in her mom. And Mama's mom. And she handed off to me, Mom, me, Mom looks through it, and she rips out a piece of paper and hands it to you, hard one, and it's coordinates. All right, now y'all got to sail to this spot exactly. The island is completely invisible until you're within 50 feet of it,

and then poof, it appears. Perfect place for a little relaxation and trouble. I have a born captain. I will find this island mom off. You're champion. I will find this island, and I will party on it till your heart's content.

Very good, my champion my leash. She bows deep deeply. I whispered a hard one. Do you know how to read that? Yes. I put him on. I look at Moonshine and help me. I know it's a nudge pop on. I'm like getting there. You see I know the reason because Moons I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad.

I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad. I know you're a dad. And Mama's ear telling her that you guys don't know how to read coordinates and Mama goes ah yes I should have expected this And she gives you like dad directions now you must you hang a left you're going to see you rock And if you see this you've gone too far

All right writing all this down, but she gives you guys Directions to where you guys need to go. Well, are we taking my airship or do we have a boat boat? Airship can go in the water as well. Yeah. It's a duck ship. Guys, we're going back to the fucking storm borne. Yeah. Ah.

All right. I mean, do we, I guess maybe we spend the night here and then depart tomorrow morning? Cool. I'm full of crawfish. I could take a little nap. Yeah. You don't wanna, you don't wanna set up on the open road

on a filth belly. Yeah, and I'd like to maybe like do some light drugs with my friends. Hahaha. I tap my breast pocket where I have a tiny little bit of arcane lip. Hahaha. Yeah, me and Margot's, I mean, eight men to that.

Let's do some mushrooms. Hang out right? Way ahead of you sister. You guys have a few drinks and some psychedelics with old hog and me ma. The night winds down as you guys go to bed that night hard one. Go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw. X-quees made, yeah Okay That's an eight. An eight. Yes, I imagine I say it. Dude, you're getting some cold sweats.

You know, be good right now, dude, just the slightest amount of arcane. If you just did a little arcane, you would feel better. And it's not gonna hype you up, you know what I mean? Cause it's just a teeny, but it's not enough bump to do a wild magic ever. I gotta sleep. It's gonna calm you down.

You gotta sleep. It's actually in the long run, healthy for me to get a full, yeah. Okay. Definitely. So I do a little arcade. Okay, so you do a little bit of arcade. Dude, you feel refreshed.

It's like, you stay up a little like, maybe an hour or two later than you would have, but you're in a link. You're in a link on arcade. I get some really good ideas last night guys. Hardware makes us all podholders. Hardware definitely has a super-pensive journal that he leaves around hoping people will read.

Are you sneaky about your drug use? Yeah. Well, there's a lot of drugs going around tonight. If we're at the creek and we're having a crawfish board, we're celebrating. There's just drugs being passed around. Yeah, everybody's just drunk at everything doing the last harmful drugs.

Yeah, the hard one does the bad drugs. I present it, yeah, I'm like, I'm gonna, I gotta take a leak. I walk out a little further into the woods and I do a tiny bit of our game. Do you think that there's any part of you that's being secretive about it because you don't wanna share?

Yeah. Ha, ha, ha. Huge, that's most of it. Okay, so you guys go to bed, you wake't want to share. Yeah. Cute. That's most of it. Okay. So you guys go to bed. You wake up the next day. Mima, Ol' Cobb and Mama, send you guys off. They bring you to the edge of the creek. And Mima goes, we'll have a think about what to kind of do moving forward.

It's, you know, we're overjoyed to have the crick back But we are dangerously close to the war zone here So we're gonna have to have a think about what's best for our people? You think in a move in the crick? I Got to explore my options here moonshine. I'm gonna talk to the old folk circle and old talk here Oh me ma how can you do that weird and moved once? I Know I know we moved once like How can you do that weird to move once? I know I know we moved once like 3000 years ago You hate to have to move twice and 10,000 years ideally. I mean those high-ealth and glide home

They've been there for for six the world started practically all right Okay, well me my I'm gonna keep I'm gonna keep a open for a nice prick. That's not too occupied by rodents. I'm not send some feelers out to the high elves and Glade Home and see see how they're doing these days. Interesting. Well, I'll bet my tongue. Hard one's doing pushups. You gotta arrive on the island like looking on the island looking with a nice pop. Oh, that's a good call. I go to pop on. I'm like, pop on fancy lady time.

And then I drape them around my neck like a mink shawl. It's a ripen style. Yeah. All right. Why don't you all get go. And then she gives you guys all hugs. Okay. Mom all head butts all of you guys.

It's like a happy cat. Aw. And Ol' Cobb gives you guys bro hugs, does like the sideways hand shake into a hug. Oh yeah. Miss you guys. Welcome to the show.

Miss you, Cab. All right. Tell you what, give me a coin. I'll put it on something spicy. Oh, all right. Hey, you know what? I actually been saving up a little. Why don't you all have fun while you're there?

And he pulls out a little pouch and he gives you guys 50 gold. Oh, thanks, old cub. Oh, cub. I just think about how much I can't handle, by. You think, old cub was pissed at Beverly and moonshine. Make sure hard one does it buy bad drugs. Yeah, only the good ones, the natural ones, the ones that came from Malora herself.

I like uppers. I'm having trouble finding a distinction, but I'll do my best. I wanna give the teeth of Huey and Dewey to O'Cob so that he can put them on Melf's grave. Oh boy. Yeah. O'Cob takes them.

Wait, is it Louis Alive still? Oh yeah, Louis still alive. Yeah. Uh, old cop takes up. Wait, isn't Louis alive still? Oh yeah, Louis still alive. So I guess if you want to give Louis these teeth, I guess if you want to give Louis these teeth, you could. This is absolutely devastating. What a, what a, what a sad note to end on. I will go give this, this snake his brother's teeth. Did you want me to just throw them in the ocean? You can't just throw them in the ocean, we got it. All right. They have that as a beautiful gesture.

Life and death. I know, I know, I just got to go have a big talk with Louie and I just don't know if I'm, you know what, I'll talk to Louie. Oh, and Mama goes, I'm grassy, Mama. I will bear this burden. Gracious leader. She is just the icing that keeps this cake together. Gosh, so poised.

You know what? We're first possumimal. She's got my boat. She's got my boat. Single tiered ones, how much she. So bad. All right. Well, let's sit out.

I'm ready to get in a fucking ship and sail. Oh, it's too late. All right, well, let's sit out. I'm ready to get in a fucking ship and sail. Oh, all right. Oh, actually, since I can breathe underwater, I'm just gonna swim alongside. Like a doughnut. No, you're not. You have miles out. It's worth a try.

It was worth a try. Okay, so you guys leave the creek, and we are gonna take a little break. We will be joined by Shivivan Thompson when we come back. And we're back guys. We're here with Shivan Thompson, our guest. That will be all she says all the time. This is a little local.

Just a strong character choice. Weird parrot. A reggae parrot. But we are gonna meet Shavon's character in just a moment. But first, you guys have just left the creek. You guys travel east, you find the old airship tucked away. Just where I left her. Still super damaged. Yeah, hard one like can't believe,

like no matter what, this is the most beautiful ship in the world. Yeah, there are seagulls just shitting all over it. Yeah, you've got ship. Ain't she a bute. You've got ship goggles on. Yeah. I'm like, it's so big, it's like 17 stumps rolled into one.

I think the holes make it fly better. But it's like the only one that knows that it kind of sucks, huh? I just really, Ballnor has never been on the airship. Oh. Belnor, by the way, I'm a captain. Oh, yeah. I've heard you talk about that a little bit.

Not to mention Belnor, we're walking by wherever you were born. Well, at least in this universe. Yeah, birthed into our realm. We're walking by. I don't consider where I came out of the car to where I was born. Yeah, it was graphic though. It was not as well been a bird. There was a lot of goo.

There was a lot of goo. Yeah, there was a lot of ectoplasm. Maybe we should have a little birthday party real quick for. Yeah. By the way, Boundore, you were looking kind of cut. Yeah, we talked about this. We realized we never announced it on the show, but Boundore is level five now.

After a million meribur. All we get that second attack. All the way to that second attack. He hears that, yeah. That second attack, he gets, I think, action surges a fifth level thing, or did he already have that? I think he already had it. He had it, and I just never used it.

I love my new, sinewy dad. Oh, that was the same thing. Boundore definitely has both, not sinew, right? That's what it seemed like, he has dad strength. No, dad strength, I feel like a sinewy. Yeah, it's like a sinewy. A sinewy is like clubbed. Well, I guess my dad plays tennis, so that's gonna

be some sinewine muscles. We could talk about this off-mic again. This is more of a short rest thing. When we all talk about what our dad's gonna work out. A&C, it sounds very short. A&C found our season piece of shit, falling apart airship and he goes, oh, I thought this was like a mini golf

Ship or something like that This fly back down North across the face. That is senior. You'll never speak ill of my father's shit. Elder abuse Absolutely elder abuse. I'm gonna get on the ship. All right Bound are gets on the ship. I take hard on to the side though, and I'm like, but it would be pretty fun to play mini golf on it. We're definitely gonna play mini golf when we get to Smugglers. What is it called? Smugglers bounce.

There's definitely mini golf games. It sounds like a mini golf place too. It sure does. Okay, good, good. Mini golf and Dacqueries for Gaze. Cool, so you guys get on the ship and you take off. After flying through the air for about an hour, you start following the directions that Mama gave you. And as you approach the coordinates, you see the

tiny island resort suddenly appears. There is a giant cave that takes up most of the island. You see little balconies built into the side of the rocks for guests. The entrance of the cave is big and open and feeds out onto the beach. Y'all, I'm crazy to say what if we used the 50 cold pieces that Cob gave us and got one of those, like, hillside guest suites? Oh, let's stay somewhere real nice. It's like a party suite. Like an Airbnb just like blow out. Yeah. All right. Okay, just wanted to say that. So you guys pull into the docks.

You see there are some smaller boats here, but there are a few like big pirate ships. One of them is this big, impressive one with a buff orc carved into the front of it and flexing. And along the side is written Snot Yacht. Snot Yacht. On the deck of that boat, there are pirates partying. You see one big buff orc wearing a red gem medallion

and a captain's hat is kind of the center of attention and there are about 12 other orcs dancing around in partying. This is a fancy ass-fuckin pirate yacht. You see one presses a button on the mast and a little tap comes out and fills up his mug with beer. I look over at my mast. I'm looking for buttons. I'm pressing any button I can find.

You get a splinter. That's why you're handing away. Yeah, you know? It looks infected. It looks infected. I think I caught something. Another one with the classics. So there is this little dock and then on the beach,

you see pirates and various other ruffians sunbathing and hanging out at this big beach bar. The bar is in the mouth of the cave. You see inside all along the walls of the cave are glowing lights and lanterns, occasionally shifting colors between blues and purples and yellows. It's like pirates of the Caribbean meets the Mos Eisley Cantina, meets Gold Saucer from Final Fantasy VII.

And even from this far out, from the docks, you can see what looks like a hill giant as the bartender, which is very strange because since the giant wars, giants aren't allowed south of the Furgid North, which is the icy northern continent of Bohumia. So you guys probably haven't seen a proper giant before. Okay, seeing all this, I say, young Bev,

do you have any more of that costume jewelry? Cause I'm ready to do this. Oh yeah. Make me over. I pull out an entire like jeweled chest. And I whip it open and I just kind of pointed, I angle that at you, letting the gold be well. Oh my god, I think out who we are is that I want to go big do what's a Marlena Danas. Yeah do my makeup. Yeah

We all get eyeliner on I do bow nores I was a pirate for Halloween one so what's Halloween? Balenoard gives a foul-signart stand I don't know Sounds cool happy happy Halloween! Wow. World War One, here is checking out. I love that you guys have like ribby Tuesdays and dimmourons, but Halloween is like no, that's not fair to see enough. Absolutely not. Fucking ghosts and demons. I mean, not D&D enough. Wait, Jimmy who's? You're talking about

shriekers Eve? Sure, we got that. So you guys are on the docks. Mm. Uh, I have a question about paladins in general, especially green nights. I think that one of my attributes is that I'm immune to poison. Would that include alcohol? I would think you'd have a hearty constitution.

All right, I think you could definitely get drunk eventually, but you could probably drink a little bit more than a normal boy. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Wow, the police are at the door. You aren't like it's a little, there's no way. No, it's okay. I'm a very strong boy.

Yeah, maybe I like give them, I don't know, I like flash my holy sigils so they know that I'm cool. So you guys going to the bar? Yeah, so do we do. Do you need to worry about securing the ship? Because. Are you guys going to ask me to sit on the ship? Ballnor.

We're not going to ask, we all want to sit on the ship. But if you want to take first. Yeah. Ballnor, do you? How long am I going to have to just like a couple hours, right? I'm going to get to go get a deck right? Hold on, yeah, we're doing shifts. Y'all, there's a meter right here.

Is that gonna secure it? Do you guys wanna just have anything of value on the ship, and if the ship is a piece? This is the ugliest ship there by far, and you are next to a beautiful yacht. Can we do something else to make it even more unattractive? Can we put like a dead body on there, something like that? Yeah, let's do we have a dead body?

Oh, I have glad to. All right, I'll melt. No, I'm tired of getting attacked. I have a glad to have a glad head behind it. Can I summon a steed to watch the ship? Oh, that's so good. It takes 10 minutes to cast, but like... We gotta take minutes.

Yeah, if you want to summon a donkey or a horse or something, you can just have it appear on the ship. Do a donkey, they're so mean. They aren't mean. Yeah. All right, I summon a donkey named Big Book. You summon Big Book, he shows up, and he looks grumpy. All right, Balnor, you stay and watch the donkey

No, Balnor you stay and watch the ship well, we bring this dog I'm talking knows out of party Well, I love the dog The donkey kicks hard one. All right. Let's leave the dog team By the way, is anybody pretty impressed that I found the fucking island? Yeah, all right cool. I was trying to be chill, but jeez it's master of the dad during that. I mean, hole in one to keep with the mini golf. There you go. We're taking so long to get to the guest that I couldn't leave it up to rolls.

Alright. Yeah, I tell big buck to watch the ship. Okay cool. Let's go. The donkey stays on the ship. You are are psychically linked so if the donkey gets a task kicked you will know gets it's ass kicked Fuck me fucking good Alright, we're just jingling. I'm wearing so much jewelry now makeup. We're just jingling all the way All right sweet So you guys walk onto the beach. You go up to this bar. You see as you get closer You see that the inside of the cave is all decorated and everything You see this hill giant bartender is washing glasses and serving customers

He's got a red bandana and a white stained tank top. He's like 16 feet tall and has a huge belly You also see at the bar. There's a pirate or, he looks very fancy, similar to the orcs that are partying on the yacht. He's got a silk bandana and like a fluffy white shirt. And you see he's drinking by himself and he's doing that thing where a drunk is talking to a couple. You see like a sexy tiefling couple next to him. Their skin is slightly red and they've got little horns and tails. The man is ripped and shirtless wearing nothing but leather pants and a choker.

And the woman is in knee-high boots, booty shorts and a black corset. And they're ignoring the oracle and just doing some serious PDA. It's kind of gross. Y'all, you can't get pregnant in a threesome, right? I don't really know how Crick Elfinatomy works, but I would say no. I think it ups your chances. You suddenly hear a commotion. Chivon, your character, you've just lost.

You've just lost all your money. You bloody thieves, this is rigged. This game is bloody rigged. I'm telling you, nobody played this game. These people have stolen 200 gold bloody coins for me. This is an absolute outrage. You hear a voice go, YAR, ma'am, we cannot have a mutiny, please, don't.

No, no, no, because this is right here, that it's a game of skill, game of skill, and it's a snowboarding game, and I am five times mudboarding champion of the entire field, okay? Mudboard, I love mudboard. Thank you! And I'm bloody kidding it, all right? I do, I do.

I'm going to a mouse dance and mimic what it's like to mudboard. Ooh, I can almost feel the mud underneath my feet. Yeah, you guys hear this commotion coming from under a sign that's called the arcane arcade. So you guys go towards this commotion. Moonshine starts yelling back. You see the bright lights and hear the sounds of these various arcade games. You see they've got modern looking games and marquis, but the equipment itself

looks very mystical. There are essentially little magic runes circles that you enter to be like transported into a game. And you see in front of a giant shredder is this Crick-Ealth adjacent woman, a field elf. She might want to describe your character a little bit. Yes, my name is Apple Scrumper. Yes! Best game. I'm a big beefy girl.

He's wearing a nice, like, my outdoor overalls that I go to you know they're a little scrappy around the edges but they don't have any kousha on them so they're pretty good and I do have pointed elf ears but at the top of them they almost turn into little cow horns. What? So they kind of like bow out a little bit. Okay first up do you know what you said that you were a star of mugboard, your mudboard champion? That's absolutely. Do I know, do I know her?

Moonshine and Apple, you guys might know each other. It's kind of to you guys. Well, like the recognize her. Well, the, I think I've seen her mudboard before. The field elves are like a sister race to the Crick elves, so the field elves live near the Crick and are like a little farming community, so you guys likely know each other. Well, I don't know if I think I've just seen her before Okay, so I'm just I go I'm like will I be a frog's name is that apples grumper? Excuse me. I'm so sorry to invade your privacy, but I've watched you I've watched you mudboard before no

Are you a crack-house? Yeah, do you know me?, I'm sorry, I'm dressed like a pirate right now, and I know it's very convincing, because my teenage boy drew on his car. Yeah, but I'm not actually a pirate, I'm a Crick-Half. He has that no Mimou, I'm one of her youngins. No way, I think Mimou's actually my eighth cousin's six times removed. Well, what does that make us?

Eh, eh, eh? Maybe my second and- Is it ninth? Three times removed. Six times removed or my- Eight, three. Hop, hop, hop, hop. I start doing the math. This is my accountant, Pop, Pop.

He'll tell us. Brilliant legal mind. I don't speak possum, but I do speak a little bit of raccoon and I feel like it's pretty similar. Oh, my. My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, like it's pretty similar. We're here, we're here, we're here. Some cross draft there. Yeah. Wow.

You got to repulsate right there. Already. Yeah, see that. You see there was this high elf in like ill fitting. He's this beaten down worker who is wearing all this ill fitting pirate garb and he goes, okay, well, man, if you're not gonna break the machine.

You're at no I'm not breaking a machine that's already broken that machine is stolen 200 gold coins for me I'm telling you and if I don't get them back while I break more than that machine I'll tell you I will go into a full-biddy rage I will and you don't want to see me rage in. Y'all we can't have a mutiny here everyone. Y'all are making fun of my voice. No I have a mutiny here everyone Can I give her a gold coin to play again you guys cannot play it together? Yeah, this game this game is called a giant shredder and you see it's it's got like four little pylons for four players and a little rune circle and you see a Marquis with like this frost giant snowboarder

thrown at the hang loose sign. Does the frost giant have frosted tips? Yeah, sure. Oh, how you were. You clarification. Yeah. We'll head bend for the first tip. Oh, toy, yes. You see this high off goes, YAR, well, if you'd like to actually play the game, you just put in as much gold as you want and whenever you get to check points,

you double your gold and you can cash out. Or if you don't follow the rules and you don't cash out before you get in over your head, you might lose your gold. Well, maybe we can help you win back some of your gold. How's that sound? Seeing as you're afraid of the crick. That sounds good. We'll do it the civilized way at first. You hear what I say and I

like pick up the 14 year old. I can't do it. I just respect this too much as Jot Dive in. Yarmady, please don't do this to me. Hey, have some respect. That's Apple Scrumper You've seen your senior trash on a mudboard. I can't say I have well then you ain't lived Okay, I'm gonna go clean the bathroom. I think someone upper deck the toilet Look at Boundar Boundar walks sorry about that Boundar we're full up on the game, but would you mind getting us some drinks? Oh, so the new friend is going to play. Okay, what do we think and drink-wise? Hey, Dealer's choice. I mean, was good here. Milker. Okay. Yeah, let's not do the Dealer's choice thing.

Dealer had their chance. I'll do a double-crick water. I don't know that they're gonna have a brick water here. I'll see what they got. They got drinks. There are in fruits. So you can buy a fruit like a pineapple or a coconut fruit.

I don't know. Anyway, you get that. And then you get the drink inside the fruit. Pretty massive. I'll take it to mayo. Oh. Technically a fruit. I just did tomato. I'm gonna go get everyone, margaritas. How's that sound?

That sounds lovely. I usually don't get milk. Bound or, I'm gonna get a milk for myself. Bound or, I get bound or money to buy drinks. He takes the gold. He wanders off in the worker, guy wanders off. And you guys are right there with the game giant shredder. How much gold do you guys want right there with the game giant shredder

How much gold do you guys want to put in? Oh, I mean how much is it asking for is it like an arcade game? Yeah, you guys double your money or you lose it We should probably go conservative first round right yeah, five Go fucking conservative do 15 bloody cowards. I'm hard one sure but bastard of the mountain conservative with my goal You see some of the fancy Orch pirate guys walk up and they go hey, but hey buddy if you're not gonna play We're gonna actually spend some real coin. Why don't you? Don't touch me. I'm gonna play we're all gonna play. We're all gonna play

We're gonna play we thought we overheard you saying you were gonna play for five gold, which is 100, 500, you fucking idiot. I'm already standing on the board. Yeah, okay. All right, I put my 100 gold in. Okay, I put in all my gold. I'll finish. Wait, you put in all our gold? You don't have that much.

I have 20, I'll put in all my 20. Yeah, I put in all 40 of my gold. I'll put in my 100, but I'm saving Cobbs gold for our nice guest tonight. Nice, yeah, cool. So you guys put in 160 gold you guys enter this room. How much did you put in? Oh, that's right. She's playing on our goal. Alright, cool New friends So you guys enter the rune circle and

Instantly you're transported to another world. You're all on snowboards hurtling down a narrow trail on a snow-covered mountain. Both ends of the trail are little lips that allow you to do jumps. It's almost like a half pipe. Wait can we also, can we be doing 2020 for us? Oh, I don't. I'm gonna be stupid. And you suddenly see behind you two frost giants, these big hulking axe wielding monsters with patchwork armor come speeding down the mountain behind you on huge snowboards.

You see they've got beanies shaped to look like Viking horns. And you hear, get ready, shred! Everyone, roll initiative. I have to tell you, yes. I got 13. 11, 19. 22. Hard one, you are up first.

You've got these two frost giants that have just sped down the mountain. They're a little bit faster than you guys. So they catch up to you guys quick. You're in this like long half pipe type trail. The way combat is gonna work in this is you can snowboard up to them and do regular attacks, but you also have the option of doing sick tricks.

So if you go off the lip, you can do a DC 16 acrobatics or athletics check to add 3D6 board damage to your attack. Yes. On a fail, you beef it and take damage. Oh, damn it. You can also do a so sick trick, which is a DC 22 acrobatics or athletics check. If you hit on that, you auto crit. Damn. On a fail, you beef it.

I hate to beef it. So hard one, that is your turn. I guess I'm gonna go for a sick trick. Just a so sick trick. Just a standard sick. Yes, standard sick trick. Okay, so hard one rides up to the lip. 20 bitch. 20. Oh, it's nice. Describe your trick. Okay, but don't make it so sick.

Yeah, I know, it's just gonna be pretty sick. I'm gonna take both of my throwing axes and sort of go off the lip and like, Jesus, like helicopter. Okay, I sort of like a Christ heir. Yeah, exactly, It's a Christ air That's what it is. Okay, and then swing your axe down on one of the frost giants and you can add 3d6 board damage If you hit oh, yeah, 20 to hit 20 to hit hits

Fuck yes dog 18 damage 18 damage and then I had 3d6 for for the board Well the frost giants on boards as well. Oh hell yeah, big boards. Oh big board style. Oh, a big board boy. 14 more. 14 more. I take my second attack.

Take your second attack. But this is just regular attack. Yeah. So you've gone up, you've done your spin move, you came down, you swung your ax and you hit him while kicking him with your board, Bart Simpson style. Love it. Does a 16 hit him? 16 does hit.

Really? Yeah, they're just, these are frost giants. They're like, almost shirtless. Yeah. They love, they freaking love the stuff. So that's a 15 damage. Oh, unnorly man. Absolutely epic.

Fuck you, buddy. You too. That is Apple. So you've got this one giant who's a little hurt that hard one has already hit. You guys are all speeding down the mountain as this is happening. And then there's the other guy who's fresh. Does going into a rage take an action? Going into the rage is a bonus action.

I mean, then I go into a rage. Don't, yo. Why not? I thought you were in a rage when we met you and now you're really rich. She was in a tizzy before. I am a barbarian with a cow totem, which means that when I go into a rage, I have resistance to all damage and a montage on strength checks. Yeah.

That is a sturdy little elf. Fuckin'. I'm gonna try and do a super sick trick straight up. Why not? Sick. Go for it. Are you going after the hurt guy or the less hurt guy? I'm gonna go after the hurt guy. Do.

18. Is my, 18 is not a super sick trick. Is the apple goes up. Do you wanna describe your beef? I'm just like, so angry that I'm super sloppy. What I am attempting to do is to do like a 720, but I'm just like, like, immediately so mad

that I don't have any precision at all. Just the angry snowboarder going off the limelight. Ah! Just all hores goes up, lands on her head. Drill! Oh, spit around, make to his style. I'm not owned your own. I see why she was struggling with this one.

12 damage, but your resistance, so you only take six. Great. So she hits and tumbles and then just gets back up super squat and angry. That is Bev's turn. All right. OK, so you see, so this is very video gamey where, like, as she hits the ground and rolls,

but it's instantly kind of caught up to you guys. Yeah. This is Snowboard Kids. This is very video gamey where like as she hits the ground and rolls but is instantly kind of caught up to you guys. Yeah, this is snowboard kids. This is cool boarders. I do want to clarify that I've played this game at Irland's house. He's so rich. He has a full vio setup in his man cave downstairs. He's got the opposite. His boy cave. One of the frost giants pushes you, you're too privileged. in his man cave downstairs. He's got the opposite. The present wrapping rope is the whole thing.

One of the frost giants pushes you, you're too privileged! Oh, that's fair! He falls off a cliff. But I'm not very good at it. Okay, Irland always does the hard parts. You just sat next to him, and you had the little brother...

Exactly. Your character's not actually doing anything. It's just fun to watch Rilland play. Yeah, I control the camera. In addition to that, one more detail I would like to set. I'm on skis. Of course you are. It's kids and nerds. Shut up!

I'm pushing myself. I'm pushing the poles too much. You're going so fast already. You're like, shoulders coming out of it, sockin'. I am desperately pizza-ing. All right, that said, I do wanna try and do a sick trick. Okay. And before I begin, I'm going to activate hard shine.

Okay, so a green flame, a billows forth as I speed down the mountain. Sweet. 18? You do it, you do a sick trick. I describe your trick. I'm going to ignite my skis with a searing smite. Don't.

So I have flaming skis, and I'm just going to cross them into an X and slice forward at the giant. Don't go ahead and do your attack roll now. That's as, oh 18? Is that it? 18 hits. Woo! Plus you do an extra, you did a sick trick, so you do an extra 3D6, four damage.

Okay, so it's a 4D6. 4D6 hell yeah. You do ski damage, so you cut them with your nerd skis. Not so nerdy anymore, huh? Get outta here, preppy! I don't wanna be on the same team as the preppy. Yeah, I just rolled three ones in a row. Oh, aw, aw. Oh, I'm so nervous.

And one six, so that's nine damage. Okay, so one before that. Yeah, so it's eight plus nine total. For my first attack, and I guess now I'm just on top of the giant. And I try to cut off one of the horns of their hat with my sword. It does no damage to him and he's fine.

He's just hat. Yeah, but he looks dumb now. I just don't know. fine. He looks dumb now. He looks dumb now. I'm just gonna say if you hit you cut his ear. A 16, does that hit? That does hit. Okay cool. They're in patchwork armor. Looks ugly. Hey, fuck you kid. We can't all afford North Face. I'm definitely- You're actually thinking about fighting for the Giants. Hey man. This guy wants to destroy our youth center.

I'm definitely wearing a green North Face Jacket with Gore-Tex. My damage is 13. 13 damage, sweet. He's starting to look pretty hurt, but he's okay. Not cool. That is their turn. Can I slide down his arm? Sure.

Okay. You grind down his arm. Whoa, that was sick, but I'm gonna kill you now respect And he's going to one of these giants is going to try to do a standard sickness trick If we die in the game do we die in real life? Oh, it's very no And he's gonna hit hard one what yeah, why not I'm sort of on his side No, Yeah, hey, Beverly, look, I'm coming to Beverly.

Oh, yeah, that worked. Get the folks out of the way. Sorry, Beverly. Oh, hell. This is right after you attacked me when I was under a mirror bell spell. I've been fucking, been a very bad scout, though. We need to talk about this. Who right?

Thanks, guy. Stay with us for this game of sleep. Stay with us for this game of sleep. We'll have our darned the guest we. Yeah, that's nice. This frost giant goes up, does two back flips and fucking on the way down, kicks Beverly so hard for 34 damage. Oh my God.

Oh my God. And then he's gonna take a just a regular act swing attack. Good thing I'm wearing a helmet. He does miss. He hits your helmet. You get a concussion but you take no damage. I'm not gonna question that. That's gonna be like four or five. That it hurts. You wearing one of those like animal ski helmets? Absolutely. Like three-year-old skis. Little bunny is on them. You know it. Then this other frost giant's gonna go,

he's gonna go fuck it. He's going for a so sick trick. I'm gonna kill this kid. Oh no. Oh no, he succeeded. Really? He's succeeded in killing me. No, he might kill you. He just crit because he did a so sick trick. He got a 23. Okay, so you guys see this guy flies up.

Does a crazy 900 mic twist upside down like a helicopter. God, that's so sick. It comes down and it flattens Beverly. Like lands on Beverly. My last words are dope. I really want so much. Oh my god, it's so good. It's so good.

I like heavy roll. He does 50 damage. Oh my god. Are you standing? 84 damage in that whole round. I'm out. You're out. Okay. This giant squashes Beverly. Bev, you then fall from the top of the screen. Who do you want to join? You're gonna give them minus four on athletic and decks checks from here on out, but you can still do attacks from their snowboard on like a pestering force? No, you're like on their side.

Like you can still do attacks and take your turn at stuff. But for tricks, it'll be like minus four to that person's athletics. See, I told you this game was bloody rigged. I was darned to see. Wait, so I get to join somebody's board. Oh, you're falling down.

Who's board do you jump on? Wait, but I'm in a disadvantage, then. So you can just quit if you don't wanna be in the fight anymore. Well, that seems less fun too. Who has the highest athletics? Probably hard one, right? I do.

I have the seven athletic. Oh, that's pretty good. I'm gonna slam down on hard ones board and feel like we need to have a talk. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Hard one. Hard one is so embarrassed.

I was gonna do. I was gonna do. I was gonna do a super sick trick, Beth. Beth lands piggyback style with his arms around Ardorn's neck. Ardorn, you're just a little bit slower. Another day, I don't always examine the world around me, and maybe I am a little privileged, but I thought we were buds.

We are buds, we are buds, Beth. Moonshan, that is your turn. Hey, no, Ardorn's with Crick. Sick. I'm gonna for a whip. Wait. Ha ha ha ha. Did you beef?

A beef. Ha ha ha. Tell me how hard you beat. Happy, pretty hard. I think I do the thing where I'm being a little too cautious so my board just got to slow down. You car right before you hit the lip you catch an edge and you fall forward and bang your face to the ground. For Jesus you take 15 damage on your beef. Can I still do an attack for me or though? No you have

beefed it. So at the end of the round, you guys are still going down this trail and you pass a checkpoint. There's this big banner that hangs across the trail and goes, continue or cash out. Continue. Yeah, good choice, hard one. Do I even see this or am I just on the floor? Hi.

Sliding on your face. A snowball, but your head is poking out the top of it as you're going to go down. Yeah, you're just carving down. I'm sorry, I'm much more accustomed to the tenderness of mud than snow. Super sick. Apple, what do you think of your talented new friends?

We just have to keep going because I'm going to break something. OK. You guys are at 320 gold now. All right, cool. We're at 320, wait, we got more. Yeah, you doubled. You got through the checkpoint.

Oh, because we got the checkpoint. Yeah, so you guys got through the checkpoint. Oh, that's why there's the allure to cash out. Yeah. What about these giants? They look like they regenerated any health? Not yet. Yet.

So you guys still have the same color scheme. You see, as you guys passed the checkpoint, from off screen, they're tossed red frosty health potions. No! They take a drink. Oh, yeah! I'm their healed for a 25-poitage. Dotha's looks a lot better.

The one guy is fully healthy. Sick! I killed a kid, and now I'm drinking a potion. He was rewarded for murder! What do I need for a Super Sick trick? It's 22. Yeah, but now you have, uh, now you need a 26 because you got very early on the back. So as you guys continue down the mountain, you see that the hill is about to take a sharp drop.

It essentially becomes a cliff. But continuing down the path, you see four very long rails, each about six feet apart, hanging over the abyss, connecting it to the lower part of the trail in the deep distance. So essentially, to get to the next part, you need to grind this rail. So hard one that is your turn. You see the giants hop onto the rail and do board slides. Then I'm going to go for an attack. Okay. No trick, because I, it's a minus 4 or 2 every roll of the night. Right. Yeah. We're not doing tricks, Deb.

We're not fucking around anymore. And I, actually, I might be done doing tricks after a- Just a straight forward 50-50, just slide it down the rail. Ah, 16. We're loving fundamentals. 16 hits. For 10 damage. 10 damage.

I'll take my second attack. 22. That hits. Another 10 damage. He's looking almost back to what he was before that cool, refreshing health potion. Brought to you by Kool-Aid. That is Apple's turn.

Okay, I feel a little humiliated after last time, but not humiliated enough to not do anything, so I'm just gonna go for a regular sick trick. Yeah. And I yell, hey, watch this! And I get a 20, not that. Nope, you're good. Describe your trick.

Yes. I see the apple I know. I'm on the next rail to this giant, and I'm gonna jump through the air onto their rail and like stab them as I go with my great sword. Okay, so 12 regular damage. Nice. And then three of these, right?

13 board damage. Oh, hell yeah. Okay, this dude's sister-in-law. It's from much better now. I feel like I've gotten my reputation. Apple composes herself, jumps from rail to rail, gets on the other one, slashes him, kicks him with the board and the face on the way down.

Now you're riding the rail with him, you get a second attack. Oh, that combo's so hard to pull off. I just brushed some snow off of my shoulders. Whoa. And that is a 11, does 11 hit? 11, it does not hit He just holds his hand on your face

The first attack was awesome That is Bev's turn. Okay, so you're hanging on hard ones back I'm going to the Beverly Bjorn I'm like in the backpack with all of your granola bars and glad said Stepping on his eyeballs. I'm gonna cast bless so the hard one can roll a D4 and add the number to attack rolls or saving Oh, sweet. Yeah, that goes to three people right. Oh, yeah up to three creatures sweet You can use it for a super sick trick sure both yeah really super tricks It's does this for attack rolls or saving throws. Oh never mind You know what?

Why did you say really? Teacher! You brought that to us on the whole. For this purpose, I'll allow bless to help you guys with sick tricks. Because it's fucking sick. They're so blessed. They're so sick.

Bless by the mountain. I'm so blessed. I cool. I guess that's my turn. That's one action. Sweet. Yeah. OK, that is the giant turn.

He's going to try, oh, it's bad to beef on the rail, but he's gonna try a sick trick Any fucking beef sin He fucking the hurt guy oh man the hurt guy might die the hurt guy Unstraps his board and tries to do a super sick trick where he like buckle himself in so the rails between him So he could like helicopter around But the strap just breaks and you just fall into the office. That would be a super sick trick Travis no Hunter

The other guy reaches his hand Yeah, that guy just disappears. He you know, he don't come back. Oh, there's only one now. There's only one now Yeah, I guess we'll go after don't come back. There's only one now. There's only one now. I guess we'll go after Bevin Hard one. Oh, he crit. Uh-oh, no. He crit on... I guess just a regular sick trick, so then he will swing.

But he rolls a one on his damage. So he tries way too fucking hard on his grind. It's such a fucking smooth grind. He gets so low that you're able to just jump over him. And he doesn't hate you guys. He misses the attack. Too much wax, bro. That's just moon tried to start.

I know it was a stupid, but I really want to fucking do a six trick. I'm just gonna fucking try. And I get to add the bless, right? Yeah. Oh, that's bad. Oh man. You wait another B you're going to reg it.

You're going to one on the bus. Did you beat it? She's not blessed. There's no bless. Oh no you're a great hit. She's a great hit Kobe over here. I think that I tried to stand up and then just fell back the other way. I love that Moonshot is just bad at snowboarding.

She honestly would be. Y'all I've never been in the snow before. I love that Moonshan is as bad at snowboarding. Which she honestly would be. Y'all, I've never been in the snow before. I didn't want to say it. You don't have to try the sick tricks. Moonshan, describe how you fall into the abyss. I think really slowly. You're like, you're trying to like board slide, and you're going really slow.

Do you slowly lose your balance? And then you grab on with your hands and your hand gets cold New lose your grip and then I lose my grip and then pop on hits a grip You're in those like ATs feet close so you're like almost parachuteing down. Oh My goodness Laughing maniacally as you roll so many dice.. Boots had you fall for 45 damage. I'm dead, Dad. You're dead.

Do I lose my fucking hundred gold? No, you can join Apple's sport if you'd like. All right, Apple. No, I'm just mad, but I can't lose this hundred gold. Sorry, I can't afford that. Boots, I can't. Give me like a bullied into spending a hundred gold, and then you just had me die.

Well, you guys know, you guys are all on on the same team so you'll win or lose the gold together. Yeah. So much fun. I do like how angry you're getting. I'm pretty pissed about this. This is all my fucking money. Moonshine falls into the abyss and falls back from the top of the screen, lands on Apple's

board, the Crick Elf and the Field Elf together. Sick Trick. Is it my, does my bless go towards her, Sick Trick? Sure. Oh, it's double blessed now. Yeah, it's double blessed. Find out, you guys are blessed. Oh wait, double blessed?

Yeah, why not? Who cares? Yeah. Ah, so I shout to moonshine. Was that what you meant to do? Yeah, y'all. Oh, I loved it. Thanks. Just a little fun slapstick.

Why trick when you can slap stick? There's actually a whole slapstick element in the field mud racing. Yeah, that's true mudboard. The best slapstick is one of the awards. Like they say, if you beat the trick, you slap the stick. So you guys continue down the rail. Eventually you guys hop off and you're back on the hill again, you guys reach another checkpoint.

You've once again doubled your money to 640. Checkpoint, continue or cash out. Let's push it. Yeah, let's push it. I'm not gonna try tricks anymore. I'm just gonna cast spells. Take it to the limit. Cool, so you guys keep going. You see the Frost Giant is a past and ice cool health potion. He goes, I don't even need this. My friend died, so I wouldn't have to take any damage.

No, I miss you Hunter. And you drink it. And you guys see up ahead are glades. It's a very narrow path and you're doing a slalom through the woods Hugglated run and guess what the trees are alive and swinging at you hard one. You are up first buckle up Bev We're going for a super sick Trin dude you might be a bit. This is not advisable. You might be even dude hard one sure for you got look You never beats truly doesn't look

That's a beat, brother. Ha ha ha ha. Big four, but shh. Hard one's gonna use his luck point. Absolutely. I will say in real life, you guys will all get your health back

and your spells back and everything because you're not actually using the stuff. Oh really? Yes, but luck points are like you are using this on the game. All right cool. That's what I'm that that was why this is the only one time Hard one I'm excited to die twice Let's go I roll the five that's

Oh my god, you're gonna take the beef yeah, I'm gonna take the beef All right two burger boys taking the beef hard and Beverly freaking wipe out and slam into a tree. Oh god, I'm going to take... Not as much damage as falling into the abyss. The rails were the worst place to beef it, but you do take 20 damage. Oh, bud. Not too, too bad. And then that is...

I don't get a second attack, right? Because I beefed. No, you beefed. You beefed, you beefed, you're done. You fucking beefed. Oh, so yeah, you know what would have been smart is to take an attack and then try to do a sick trip I do that could I have done that uh no you kind of got to decide ahead of time if you want to do a

trick yeah you got to get into it you know regrets you got to live on the wild side that's apples turn you just saw a hard one and bev beef it you got moonshine on your back, but I'll let you guys double bless. Double bless. I am gonna attempt to do a regular sick trick. Okay. So it's minus four from her, but then the two blesses. Yep.

20 not net. Sweet. You do a sick trick? Yes. Sweet. Just 15 hit. 15 just hits. Oh.

Hell yeah. I'm not wearing a jacket because I'm cool. Gonna wear a jacket when you're snowboarding. I'm a frost giant. You're gonna get frostbite. Uh, 22. Nice. Hell yeah.

What's your last name again? Scrumper. Apple. Scrumper. Apple. Scrumper. Yeah. Apple with moonshine.

Scrumper jersey. Apple with moonshine. Scrumper Jersey. Apple with moonshine on her back, like plants herself on one of these triads and then jumps off and slashes this frost giant. Okay, so right before Bev's turn, you guys start slalom through these triads. Everybody, I guess, just hard one and Apple give me dexterity saving throws.

Yeah. Add four to that, but minus four. That's a nat 20, so. Nat 20? That's just, yeah, you know. Why the fuck couldn't I have done that for the Super Sick Trick? Okay, so 14.

So you guys are both able to slalom through the trees. Hard one does it with a little more style because he nat 20 to us. So bloody radical. Oh. Oh. And then that is Beb's turn. All right, I'm gonna cast Nature's Wrath,

to try and create a tripwire to strip the frost giant. Try to make a beef? Yeah. Okay, so Beb creates like a vine net. Dodge this! All right, I will! Oh no! He tries to jump over it.

And he rolls a nat 20. No! He does a beautiful back flip while giving you the finger Fuck you man honestly, that was kind of worth it to me that that was really cool Hey, thanks. That was a super sick trip. Way to go Travis. Thanks guys You killed my friend is mostly you We live in this world so when we die we die for real. Oh, yikes. He died doing what he loved. That's super. So that's the end of your turn. That is the Frost Giants

turn. He'll try to do a sick trick. Nat. He succeeds. Damn it. Really wanted him to be. Me too. I also wanted that. He gets an assist from one of the triants, as you guys are slalom through. He jumps up, the triant catches him and tosses him at one end. We're friends of the ants. We save so many of your brothers and sisters. Hard one, if I remember from the video game, there's a secret passage here. Hard one takes the secret passage. 25 damage.

Cool. OK, wait, it was the other level, sorry. I was thinking of Diddy Kong race. He, Ben has definitely played Diddy Kong racing. And he whiffs on the second attack. All right. That is what I'm trying to certain. I'm going to just throw some line in that.

OK, cool. But I'm going to make it look like it's coming from her finger. OK, it's going to be tricky. It's going to be tricky. What does he need to do a deckx saving throw or what does he need to do dex saving throw? He got a seven total. Yeah, bitch. I didn't gonna cut it 27 27 damage Also it ignites flammable objects. He's so flammable. Is he?

Yeah. Why? He hates fire. His hands are up in here. This sucks. I hate it when it's hot out. It melts the snow and I want to shred the nr. Yeah, he likes on fire.

So everybody at the end of the round, one last chance to slalom through. You guys have just been slalom me through regular trees. But this one's going to need a deck saving throw. Give me one, hard one, and apple to slalom through. You guys have just been slalom me through regular trees, but this one's gonna need a deck saving throw. Give me one hard one and apple. Here we go. The two snowboarders. 22. So sick. Woo! So easily avoid this triant. 15 if I get devs plus four too. You just avoid this triant. So on this one, you guys probably have a little bit of a snowboarding rivalry going because on that one, apple looked a lot fucking cooler than you. Cool.

I force a smile at Apple. You guys get through the glades and you reach another checkpoint and your gold doubles. It is the end of the game. You see a steep drop and a ski jump at the end of it like a limbic style and it says Cash out or continue We're fucking continuing You see as you pass through the checkpoint the giant is passed an ice cold healing potion. Oh, yeah I raised my hand wanting to cut it

Oh yeah, I raised my hand wanting to get out of it. It magically goes through you, just like bullshit, a glitch video game shit. It just goes right through it. And he pops back up for a little bit. Erlin always cashes out here and then uses it to buy better gear. Erlin's awesome, but he's not as cool as me, but. I think he would understand.

So you guys go through the checkpoint. You hurdle down this hill towards this giant ramp and you guys all launch off into the sky and this whole round is you guys in the air Hard one that is you cool. So I can't do a super sick trick here. We're in the air I will allow sick tricks But if you fuck up too hard, you're gonna like fly off into the woods and not stick the landing This is potentially the most damage you guys need to stick the landing at the end. Okay, fine. I'll just do a regular attack. Okay. Keep a vignil.

Woo! Super vignil, that's a 13. That does not hit. Yes, it does not. He slaps you in the face as you guys are in the air. I blame it on Dev. Move over. Look there. That one will hit. That's 26. Hit, it on Dev. Move over. Look there. That one will hit. That's 26. Hey, it's obviously 14 damage. How's Travis looking? Travis is looking pretty good. Of course. I'm fine. You just had health push. Oh yeah. I drank like four health push. He's got he's got a lot sloshing around in his stomach. Yeah, he barfs a

little bit. Okay. That is Apple's turn. Because I've always died at this point in the game before, I'm gonna also just do a Two regular attacks sweet a lot of money on the line now 26 suites that super hits 16 damage on the first attack damn. Let's kill him. Let's kill him is 25 that hits I wish I were a jacket 14 on the second attack 14 he's looking pretty hurt, but you guys will need to do some damage to kill him I bet that's your turn. I'm going to Misty step over to him. Oh shit like off the board. Yeah, okay. Can I do like Admiral Holdo and just like Misty slice through him. I

Will let you go for like a sick trick if you're going to also Misty Step. You're essentially sacrificing yourself here because you're not going to land okay. This is my admiral hold-o moment. I'm gonna slice through him with a Misty Step. Okay so mid-air. I might just advantage this gun, right? Yes and then your disadvantage will be gone. That's actually good. Okay so yeah. Hard one. I'll be better for you. Are you going for a sick trick or a super-sick trick? Just a sick trick. Just a sick trick, okay.

So you misty step over to do a sick trick? Yeah, just don't beef it. Don't beef, Beth. Beef early. Ah! Oh no. He became beef early this day. Beef early.

Beef early. Hold on, let me beef early this day. Beef early. Hold on, let me see what my athletics. So that's a 13. He guys see Sovenil. Beverly, bisty step over to him. The frost giant just uses the momentum and throws him farther. And you see Beverly just disappear into the woods. Just go.

See for the gold. That is the frost Giants turn. He's going to swing at hard one, and he rolls a dang one on his first attack, and he rolls a five on a second attack. He misses both times. Moonshine, that's your turn. All right, I think I got to throw a hail Maribel. I got to jump at this motherfucker. Okay, so you're trying to flip and then hopefully.

Cool, go for a trick. I'll let you do a little something after. And then at least you'll land without my minus four. Yeah. Oh no! Oh no! 13. Moonshine jumps and just disappears.

I love this. I want to give you that. She's over my head. I have like, oh my god. She's team rocket blasting off again. Still looks pretty sick. Okay. Wow, Lisa, better chance.

Guys, can we just not let Beefily catch on? I just don't want Beefily to catch on. So Beves out, Moon shines out, Hard one and Apple. You guys need to stick this landing or else you fall for Max falling damage. If both of you pass out, you lose the game and you lose all of your gold.

So, Hard one, that is your turn. You go first. What do I need to roll to, Lent? You have to do, Lance? You have to, you have to do a Super Sick trick. Oh, I have to do a Super Sick trick. You have to get a DC-22 athletics check. Okay, no problem. Slight problem. That's a slight problem.

I will use one luck point. Okay. Wait, how many do you have left? After this, one. Okay. You know what, how many do you have left? After this, one. Okay. You know what, I don't even know how fucking good they are because I always, this next one's also gonna be a fail. All right, here we go.

To say that. And then let's get your head in the game. Actually, hurt, let's get your head out of the game. You're hard one fucking sure, put. Let's go. Wait, that's a 22. Oh! Yeah, dog, my athletics is plus eight.

A plus 14 is 22, right? That is exactly 22. Hard one, describe how you stick this landing. I'm tumbling, falling. It looks like I'm doing flips, but I'm actually freaking out. And then I lock eyes with Kalka. Who flies under my board, sort of like spreads his wings real wide to level it out It looks like I have a board with wings on it for a second and he touches me down nice and lightly crush him

Is my is my broken body at the floor? Beverly and Mochines corpses are there. Just with the breath of their hands sticking out. There's no nice high five, then. I then toss an RX bar into my mouth, chew it up real good, and let Kaka eat from my mouth. Crowd goes wild, Apple, that is your turn. All right. I do not do a super sick check.

Okay, but you have resistance, so you might survive. 65 damage have. So you're gonna take 32 damage. All right, I full really badly, but then I pick myself up to make it look like it did that on purpose. Yay! Aval just smashes into the ground and gets back up.

Aval, what is this the ground and gets back up This frost giant this frost giant is gonna try to stick the landing if he lands you guys will just have to duke it out at the fucking bottom He lands he does his fucking sick trick. He flips around he lands Go ahead hard one just make guys are just fucking he ripped his fucking snowboard out and just jumps at you guys. Oh shit. All right. Now we're just still in this fight. Kaka, look alive. 19. 19 hits. Great weapon spider. My ass. 11 damage. Okay. He's looking pretty hurt. Ooh, that's a net one right there. That one. Cool. That one on my second attack. You swing and you miss. So this is essentially like the Olympics. We're like, first, second and third place of all gone. And normally they'd be like doing interviews and stuff

and like hugging each other. And you guys are just fighting. That's Apple's turn. That's great. Ooh, Apple, let's see that rage. 14 doesn't hit, right? 14 does not hit. Ooh, this is gonna come down.

Ooh, and Another not one oh Sweet goodness Frost dry and goes and he swings down on hard one and he hits hard one 15 damage to hard one okay second axe attack not 20. Oh my god Can use my amulet no you're gone. Oh Can I use my amulet? No, you're gone. Oh. God, I wish you guys could see me.

He's, I rolled so many twels. He's licking his lips. 40 damage, disgusting. I'm done. No! Hard to when disappear is it's fucking Apple and this giant. Oh, I'm gonna poetic though, right? Yeah.

Apple's the one who got us into this. Apple got us into this. It's giant, it's pretty hurt, but they're, oh my God. So much gold on the line. This is all of our money. 16. 16 hits. Whoo, great.

18. 18 damage. Yep, so this one. Oh my God, okay, he's pretty hurt. And then 16 again. That hits. Come on, Apple. 16 again.

He is on Death's Door, but he's still alive. Scrubber. Why won't you die? The cover's grubber. First swing, he gets a 19 hit. It's gonna hit. 35, but divided by two. 17 damage, and takes a second attack.

Rules in that one. You fucking flopped it. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, go. Apple, go, Apple. 16, I don't know. That hurts. Rolling eights. 17 damage.

Apple finish him. Yeah! Whoa, whoa, whoa. I take off my snowboard and I smash it over his stupid hat. Oh, his head fucking explodes as your board hits it and snaps over his head. Wow! Crowd goes wild, take our tape all over the place, and you guys are back in reality. Guy was dead!

A lot richer. Let me do the math real quick. Yeah, let's spend it all here. Yeah, we thought we were gonna use 50 gold on a nice Airbnb. Oh my god, we are getting the fucking penthouse cave. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts, so no matter where you fall and the age-old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's

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and legs are out there on the battlefield kicking the shit out of your rivals. So when the lower body battle begins and brother is forced to kick brother make sure you are wearing bird dogs. To get yours and a free Yeti style tumbler go to birddogs.com slash pop-off or enter promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code pop-off for a free Yeti style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off. We promise you Okay, that's it for me go team pants and enjoy the show So you guys come out of that with two thousand five hundred and sixty gold

Fuck you barely I think we could play again with two thousand dollars That fucking barely. Oh, thank God for range. I think we could play again with $2,000. You know, you're right. I really, I like you. I like this one. I like him. Oh, Boundor's back with the drinks, hey.

Hey, your guy's Margaritas melted. I actually really like warm margaritas, so that's good for me. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm Apple. Little slushy. How's it going? I'm Boundor. Nice to meet you. Be friendly. That's your name?. Thank you so much. Yeah, I'm Apple a little slushy. How's it going? I'm Balnor nice to meet you

The beauty of that's your name. No, it's Beverly. It's not beef early. It's not a thing and I'm not moon beef Beep shine in it How is how is the game it seemed fun? That's fucking I'm hard beef Seems like a fun game. I'll just kind of waiting out here with the dreams super fun Well, are you in you want to play a game? How many decrees did you have ball? No, I have two and I'm a halfling so I'm Here's a goal piece. Why don't you play game? Okay, he walks over and plays dig Doug Wow, wow All right, I instantly can have another goal

Wow, futuristic graphics. Alright, I know. Dice instantly. You have another gold. Boundore, did you see any signs about time shares or anything like that? We got money to burn. We're normal houses that we could just buy straight out, I guess. I don't know why you guys think that I run this hotel.

But I will tell you just common sense that it's a hotel. Boundore, get us sliders. Why not? No, no, no, no, Boundore, did you pick up any scuttle butt while we were in the game? I got you drinks. Like you told me to get drinks. Balnor get a sliders No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Get one of those flaming bowls, like some kind of scorpion bowl, and bring it over to the hot, teafling cup bowl. So, Moonshine, you leave the arcade. You go over to the bar.

You see, you guys have just been playing this game for a little bit. So there is this really drunk orc being super annoying and talking to the Hill Giant bartender. You see the bartender's just like, oh, yeah, okay. And this guy's just going, I'm'm telling you we had a big score coming It

Floated rights into our laps and You see this hot teafling couple next to them are just trying to ignore him and are just flirting amongst each other Hmm and we walked out of the arcade like a little bit to watch moonshine do this. Okay, so we're not like, So you guys are just like sitting on a table like, yeah, we're just sort of, I, what the hell is going on? Okay, yeah.

moonshine had a look in her eye. She didn't tell us, she was going. I want to try and fuck the hot teapot and gobble. Okay, I think I'm going to gober, I'm going to be at the other end of the bar and signal the Hill Dwarf bartender over, or the Hill Giant. Yeah, okay, I'm just going to be gonna be like hey what can I get for you uh is that guy bothering you yeah he's annoying his hell he's with this whole crew they're called uh so captain Jeremiah Snot he's a orc pirate captain it's

Snot slot and they hang out on Snot's yacht okay do you want me to get rid of them I mean there's and if you want to get into's yacht. Okay, do you want me to get rid of them? I mean, there's, and if you wanna get into a fight with all the pirates, you can, I mean, I'm a giant, I can kill him if I want to, but I don't know, I work here, I'm a bartender, I'm gonna kill him. I know, I'm just saying you're doing a good job

and I'm trying to make your job easier. I appreciate that, I don't need you to kill anybody for me. I'm not talking about killing him, I'm talking about just paying him to leave. He's pretty rich, I think. Oh, okay. All right then Other order of businesses. I'd like to order a big flame and scorpion bowl for that tea fling couple down there I think they're gonna like that. Yeah Something with like maybe a plastic shark swimming in it or something like that. He goes back and he

Swimming in it or something like that. He goes back and he produces this big fish bowl drink and lights it on fire Ooh or a manticore. Oh yeah, yeah, he brings it over to the tiefling couple and you see they kind of giggle. Oh And they look down the bar I do a little wave She does oh I wave but with a a gold piece in between each finger. Ooh. You don't like flick one in between all five of your fingers. Oh yeah, I do that.

I make a dance between my fingers. Very, very good. The girls looking a little hot and bothered. Hot first though. And they give you the come-hither motion. And they're kind of whispering to each other and looking at you excitedly. Oh my God, I abandoned ship and I run over to Harlan.

I say, I don't know how to do this. You don't know how to proceed when it's working. So usually people reject me mostly. You were on the 10 yard line. You're right. You can do that. You can walk it in. You never had a threesome before. You know on the 10 yard line. You're right. You can do that. You're never had a threesome before. You know what? You're right. Well, you're wrong about the threesome

thing because the, you know, the bag got pretty wild. But um, the apple scrumper is going to say I could do it. Okay, I'm going to go over to the, go over to the teeth and couple. Wait before she goes, I fix her hair a little bit. Yeah, I'm pretty. I prefer. I polished the coral earrings in her ear. All right, go get them. You walk over to them and- I'm just gonna say, hey, is this, is this fellow bothering you? Yeah, he's a little annoying.

You know what? Why don't the three of us go up to our room? Oh, my Lord, I don't know how to proceed. I feel like I'm walking into a trap. I'm not saying any of this out loud. I give her a really big, obvious thumbs up from our table. We're like, we look at Apple getting the thumbs up and we're like, oh, that's how you do it.

I panicked, I say, can I bring my friends? We wave. I try the gold trick, and I can say, can I bring my friends? We wave. I try the gold trick and I drop it. They go, ooh, kinky. And then they whisper to each other. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then they start making out a little bit, just really sensual kisses. I just am nodding the whole time.

Oh, yeah. And then they go, you can bring one friend and not the kid, because that's weird. Agreed, I agreed very fair. I go over to hardwanted Apple. I say, does anyone want to have a force? No! I mean, we are technically cousins,

but that ends up me before. Yeah, I don't know if I want my first time. I don't know if I want to. I'm sorry. What did you say I'm tired? You know what? From the game, so I don't know if I should... You know what? I think I'm just going to send Ballon or up there.

I don't think I'm even going to go. I think I'm just gonna send Balon or up there. I think I'm even gonna go. I think I'm just gonna send now. Just me? Might have a wife. We're sending our stuff. I can't do the Balon or Chai. Are we? Are we doing this, Subun Chai? No, not me. Me and you and them? Oh God, I don't know. When did that done start?

Miss Scrumper, how do you feel about accompanying the stud of our party? Oh my god. I mean the tiefling escapade. We're farming folk. It is all natural, you know, it's just part of being an animal which we all are. Hey man, do that. Everybody likes fucking. If we're gonna, I haven't even had a drink yet. So I'm gonna get wasted and then see if I want to fuck the tea flinks. Yeah, I'm just gonna make her real quicky. I'm just gonna go with the tea flinks. Just you. Bound or Yeah, it's Bound or got us all the drinks. Bound or is lucky day Okay, I'm just trying Bound or is big orgy. Bound or just goes well I felt very unincluded at the beginning of the day, but things are really shaping up

Bound or is that a score? That's a fine-looking couple. Didn't think I was going to be in a four-way today, but I'm into it. Let's go, Moonshine. All right, I hope you're one packet of World War I, doesn't mind. Let's hope I don't remember anything during this. Ball nor the bone. So what do you guys, so Moonshine and Ballnor join this tiefling couple?

I wink at Ballnor as they leave. And I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't go through it. How long you do so fast? We're rooting for you. I'm scared. This is gonna, the party is gonna be so weird forever. You're gonna come back having fucked Ballnor, right? Yeah, fuck most of my friends, you know.

So are you guys staying at the bar? Yeah, well, Moonshine, we'll be waiting for you right here, make it quick. Yeah, I will, honestly. It's been a while for me, so it's gonna be in and out. Go get yours. Okay, fun. So Moonshine, you and Balnor follow these T-flings up.

They take you by the hand. You guys go through a tunnel in the cave up to the area with all of the rooms. And you- Can I be sessing them out? I want to do an insect check. 21. Cool.

They just seem like a super hot couple. Because they're lying, because I heard you roll dice. I mean, I'm going to roll dice no matter what. Yeah, no, no. It's the show. I mean, I know gonna roll dice no matter what. Yeah, no, no. It's the show. I mean, I know I shouldn't be proceeding with this, but if my character doesn't know this. Moonshine, you enter this quaint room

with an aquatic theme. There's a blue bed spread with little seagulls on it, a ship's wheel on the wall, and a giant painting of a pirate ship. You see through like a sliding glass door, there's a little balcony that looks out onto the ocean. And you see as soon as you get in there, they close the door behind you and they go,

all right, let's get this partist started. Go ahead and give me wisdom saving throw. 13. These just look like two beautiful people to you You are charmed by them. These are the hottest fucking people Wait a second. Um, I'm I'm I'm a charge against being charmed go ahead and do another role But you failed the first one Okay, that was a 19 This isn't incubus and a succubus. And you see like demon fucking fangs.

They're doing like that, Dementor trying to like give you like a life-stealing kiss. Okay, I- Poundor is trying to- I don't know. Is going to kiss the girl. I'm straight up, I'm pretending like I'm super charmed. And then I'm like,

Bailmar baby, come for me, purrs. I kiss Bailmar. Bailmar. Bailmar. Bailmar. Bailmar. Our baby come for me, purrs. And I can't spell on the face. Ah! Ah! Ah! What was wife thing? Ah!

And then as soon as he kisses me, I faking orgasm. And then I'm like, oh, oh, I'm so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed. Boundary, come with me and I go to rush out. You go to leave? Yeah, me and Boundary are going to leave. Okay, so you guys are going to go run out? Okay, they are going to take swings at you as you guys run.

They have full claws now. Oh, I'm so sorry. I swear to you, one clause at your back for, oh, these guys are kind of weak if they're not like a draining kissing you, they're not doing that much damage. Just clause you in the back for damage. And the other one clause,

balanor in the back for six damage and balanor suddenly snaps out of it. Ah, what happened? She was so hot a second ago. Ha, ha, ha, let's get out of here. They can clause all they want, close on the way out of here. I'm sorry, I got you all that scorpion bull. You didn't deserve it. Those flames were wasted on y'all.

And then I'm just gonna use a whole action a disengaging. Hey guys, it's just run. So you with these shrieking devils chasing you down the hall. Moonshine and Balnor race down the hall. Balnor was already like taking his pants off He was fully ready to fuck he's pulling up his pants as he runs down the hall Meanwhile, they're like pretty far up there right now you guys are just at this bar sitting at the table And you see this annoying or it clicks over at you guys and he goes hey, how you guys doing? I'll buy you a drink Sure thing. Oh, how you guys doing? How about you to drink?

Sure thing. Oh, okay. I was gonna say we're good, but sure. Yeah, why not? I'm just like, my eyes are locked on the hotel where I think Moonshine is fucking Boutmore. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on. I check in with Big Buck to make sure the boat's okay.

The boat is okay. All right, then let's party. So he goes over, he pays the bartender and he brings you guys some like teaky drinks and he sits down at the table with you. The other pirates think of my annoying, but I'm real good at making friends, so cheers to you, man.

Absolutely, I love friends. My pocket's aligned. I like the strength that has a little face on the cup Yeah, you know it's good face on the cup you can like kiss the face a little bit like That's cool that you're rich man. What what happened? I love to hear that. Oh yeah. What kind of food he was, man? Go ahead and give me a, I guess like a deception check. He rolls a nat one on his perception check.

At a 16. Okay. This dude has no idea that you're trying to pull info from him. Yeah, man. Sometimes it just washes up right on to your lap. I love to hear that brother. Easy picking. So we watched up on your lap, man. He looks mischievous. He looks over at all you guys you guys over here a wolf guy I think I heard of that guy that that loser door

No, did he wash up on the ocean we got him and we're selling them for a lot of money That's bucket of hilarious man. That's really funny You're actually not rich. You're just gonna be rich. Me too, man. I'm gonna be rich anytime soon, sometime. You know, I'm not as rich as maybe then I'm gonna be tomorrow, but once I get my cut, it's your network. It's gonna be in, man. Cheers. Cheers. We're still that fucking guy too. That's hilarious. It's really funny. It's a guy, uh... Oh, I should have told you guys.

I should have told you guys. You didn't tell us. I cast Don of Truth. You cast Don of Truth on. Yeah. I've never met the guy personally, uh... But the captain knows him and he's got a lot of money, because his dad lives in hell.

What? What? My boy knows about some rich daddy's. Yeah. Yeah, I live on a mountain, which is like reverse hell. Yeah, my dad's dead. Oh my. Damn, that's some crazy shit.

What is the sale happening? I'm really happy for you, dude. I know we just met, but I feel really close kinship with you. Suddenly, you see another couple orc pirate dudes walk up and go, yarn, what the fuck are you doing? Who are you talking to? And he turns you, what, oh, just making some friends.

Get back to the ship. The captain needs to see you right now. Yarn goes and joins his friends later yarn Keep it's lazy and that's where we'll end our session. Oh Wait should we try to out bid whoever's buying off car? We got to get back in the game fast Get back on your snowboard apple. Next episode is just another play through snowboarding. We're just grinding on this game

until we have a bunch of money. We're just like that weird kid in the video, like in the arcade that just has a huge bucket of tickets playing with one game that they're good at. Oh God, just hitting that button because he's lent how to do the timing. Exactly right. We're like little snowboard savants.

That'll inevitably be a comment criticism that we get or someone will be like, why didn't they just keep playing the game 10 times? Like not realizing that everyone would stop listening to the podcast? Well, that's what's gonna be the short rest this weekend. We're just gonna play the game again. We're just gonna play the game in the snowboarding game

and winning 10 times. But with our actual money. Oh, that's fine. We love a lot. We play the snowboard game so much we love a lot. I'm not a gambler. I am the person who makes a little bit of money and cashes out immediately. Oh my goodness. You guys should have been around when Emily was into trading stocks very briefly. We're really into it. I'm the friend. I lost a lot of money. Yeah, you worked on the floor.

No, but I got into like each raid and I was like, I'm gonna learn what stocks do well and I, all of my gambles were wrong. That's it. Yeah, you either make money instantly or just get mad at the entire concept. Yeah, it was deeply discouraging. Cool guys, we'll listen to more of our,

more of tax talk over on We're gonna talk about what our dad's here to work out Right, that's right. We're just gonna push that on me. Dadbots. Short rest over at patreon.com slash nad pod by me and Emily's book Hey you up how to turn your booty call into your emergency contact Get it on Amazon or audible call the hell how do people watch big city greens is still going?

It's not so going, season one is wrapped, but you can watch it on Amazon or iTunes, or you catch it on Disney XD. It's starting to premiere on that channel now. So check it out over there. Oh, of course listen to it if I were you. It's Jake and Amir, Shivon. You got anything to plug?

It's got a lot of budget ions in the fly, guys. Okay, so just keep your eye on Shivon's fire. What is your, what is your Twitter and the Vance at Bonnie Tom follow at forny Tom and follow the rest of us on Twitter at Jake her Which is Jake at the axe for his Emily at call the ascaldor at CH Murphy's me will be back next week with Chavon again. Oh, yeah, and tweet about the show using hashtag nad pod that's n-a-d-d-p-o-d We are we are! The youth of the nation! We are we are!

Hey friends, Coldwell here. The rest of the gang is out of town, so I'm going to be handling shout outs to our benevolent council of elders all by myself. Grab a cold one and some wet naps because this might get messy. Let's go! Matthew M. the bullywug prince, so buff though that they often get mistaken for a frog heemoth. Jo-in, the lover of Lucy, turned fiance of Lucy. Recently hired the same day of coordinator as the execution brunch, so you know that wedding's gonna be the hottest ticket in town. Brad D, the only Pebblepot that isn't Craven, lives in a huge mansion, but only so everyone

of their coward relatives can come spend the night when there is a scary thunderstorm. J. Loma-72, aka Steelbreaker, Hard One's Jim Spiration. Also inspired Hard One to start a secret fitness Instagram where you post progress pics, egg white omelets, and inspirational quotes. Andrew A. aka Feldspar Ligarden, half-elf, half-orc, Feldspar rides a centaur, drinks black and tans, and owns a combination, pizza hut and taco bell. Taylor Poppa the sixth, a legendary bar to whom no item is in an instrument, makes all of Sven, Glenn,

Rin, and Jin, the satyr's favorite house music. Dylan B, a super-week wizard who wields 12 swords, each of which is a different type of sword. From left to right, they wield, short sword, long sword, great sword, rapier, fencing epay, two hand acclaimers, saber, skimitar, broad sword, scottish jerk, cutlass, and katana. Simon W. The bootleg of Hard One's soft loss.

Simon has never crit nor split, but they grew up with parents who know what their favorite food was and supported their dreams. Danny P. Bohumi is resident artist, painted hard one senior portrait at the dwarf image, in crayon, but with such detail and so masterfully that it looked like it was actually a watercolor. Tom P, father of the realm,

serenader of sleeping babies. He is rumored to serenade adults who have insomnia, but he charges a pretty leaf for it. Spencer Casperu, patron elder of libations, a deserinated doll to have insomnia, but he charges a pretty leaf for it. Spencer Casperu, patron elder of libations, ale maker to the gods and heroes of Bohumia alike. There are some who believe the potency of quick water is because Spencer washes his brewing equipment upstream from it.

Pedro E, barred of the mountains, also Warlock of the waves, but people don't usually talk about that as much. Don Lemon the Dwarf Once Met Illset disguises a traveling gnome and bartered so aggressively, Illset just gave up and walked away. Griffin SD, aka The Stranger, the silver dragonborn Eldridge Knight and owner of the Badger's Pint Inn and Tavern. If you stay at the Badger's Pint Inn and Tavern, show them your proud veteran of the Giant Wars card for a healthy discount. Beardman Dan. Beardman Dan's beard gets a lot of attention, but true fans know it is the

three-foot-long braided rat tail that Beardman Dan is most proud of. Scott D, regional manager of the Bahumia branch of Tim Hortons. Wow, what a distinction. Aaron C, the snowboarding adventurer who the giant shredder VR experiences based on does so sick tricks on every turn and rarely beefs if ever. Hermes W, the Bat King, is not a bat, though, just a straight up regular human, just a big old human being hanging out with a bunch of bats all day who freaking love him. T. Alex, the tailor who fixed Brother Albrich's robe after pop-up bit the ass out.

He thought Albrich was a prick though so he made the patch tear away so that the next person who panses him will have a real easy go at it. Harley S. Arm wrestled Mishka using only their pinky and loss, but honestly put up a better fight than anyone could have expected. Parker E. The Taster of Worlds. Not to be confused with the Vowr of Worlds. Parker E. only takes a little bite.

Kamikyu, owner and operator of Bohumiya's own Mikwanoel's franchise. Creator of the Mikwanoantles catchphrase. I'm enjoying this. RJW, a ruthless pirate with very little business savvy, found Ovegar before Snotzlot did, but sold him to them for about 10,000 gold undermarket price. Spartus, the greatest warrior in all of Ezri, which is a city of mages. Still pretty cool though. Atomar said to be the bully who made scoutmaster Diny Craven absolutely kicked his ass in seventh

grade and Dinyus never been the same since. Brent B taught Alonus magic, not wizard magic though, the magic healing power of meditation. Alonus meditates for 15 minutes every day and is feeling more zen than ever. Cassandra MHP, a Bahumi in Vine Star. Cassandra is a druid who can kill you with vines in 6 seconds or less. They're also super popular on the Vine app, which does still exist in Bahumiya. Maddie C, Maddie Big Crits, Matthias of House Crit. A weeny warrior who has no right to do so much damage, but simply cannot stop critting

on fools, a Nat 20 machine. Danielle the Dastardly Dame. Danielle is so dastardly, she had an opportunity to save the green teens in the moonstone swamp, but instead opted to give the bullywugs direction to the Cobalt's castle so they'd be sacrificed faster. Gosh, that's devious. QC, aka Haldor Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, crewed on the SS Stormborn, Fadalong, Elias and Red, a barbarian warrior from the frigid North. Was friends with a hill giant bartender in Smuggler's bounty, but because he said she'll do, who knows how to separate War from Leisure. Sounds problematic, but okay.

Mani the Mundane, accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell to reach Divinity. When you go to use the washing machine at the laundromat, and there's already a quarter in there, that's Mani smiling down on you. Daniel U, aka Multifor, the owner of a sweet boat that sounds like Gilbert Godfried, also contains the soul of Gilbert Godfried, which Daniel is looking to exercise because it's getting to be a bit much. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, is currently working the party on Snotziyat pirate boat. Their beat straight up stopped him mutiny one time.

Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, friend of cord and master of the board. They once defeated Apple's Scrumperate Mudboarding and received the field else's highest honor, a big ball of dirt on a string. Save your seat. Simultaneously the world's largest human and the world's tiniest giant. They defeat their enemies by confusing them to death. Cutter W. A high-off dandy turned Crick's Stump attack, though recently they changed their title to Barc Attack. Disappointed that they didn't realize this pun sooner, Cutter

installed a new shaman pole and their stump for the sole purpose of banging their head against it over and over again. Lex asks the ultimate illustrator. Lex's sketches are so good they never even need to ink them, but sometimes they do, just for fun. A true sadist. John S, aka Shubart the Mushroom. Recently got into the adult entertainment industry and has been making a fortune selling erotic fungal spornography. James B, the B King, has dominion over all Bs. There's also friends with Hermes W, the Bat King, but they haven't seen each other in a few months,

but... James B, the B King, has Dominion over all Bs. They're also friends with Hermes W, the Bat King, but they haven't seen each other in a few months. However, they are planning on getting drinks soon. Ryan M, a Crick L-fishing boat captain, currently pursuing their deadliest catch ever, an enormous albino crawfish named Ol Bobo Weeners. Elena C, owns a cool invisibility cloak. Unfortunately, it's got a huge mustard stain on it, so it's

kind of useless unless you're at a hotdog eating contest. Still pretty fashionable though. Andrew M., a green ogre that lives in a bog and his friends with a mule has never seen Shrek, but thinks it sounds kinda dumb. Ricky, aka tricky, ricky of the cricky. Eat soup when he's sicky and watch his John wicky. When it comes to buns, he ate picky, but if he's pressing for a choice, he's gonna say sticky. Andrew R. Bohumi is only garbage person.

They fly around in a magical dump truck led by a team of rats collecting all of the realms trash. It's tough work, but somebody's got to do it. Cannibalistic Cthulhu. Eat all the other Cthulhu's and then got super lonely. Currently looking for another eldritch har to play magic the gathering with. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blue Manna Inn. Tought the giant bartender at Smuggler's Bounty how to make their beloved scorpion bulls

without getting stung repeatedly. Blitzbrig Demetri, famous dwarger who owns and runs the beloved franchise Dwarger's Big Borgher. Be sure to try their Mythril burger. If you can eat the whole thing without going insane and transforming into a metallic dragon, your meal is half off. Victor T. A. K. A. Balanor's boy, whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. Every week Victor lays a single can of Bumblebetuna at the foot of his father's empty grave. Henry A, an assassin whose name is a killing word. Well, maybe

not a killing word, more of a naming word. Basically, if you hear his name, it means you're about to scrape your shin like real hard. Pinfield, Joe the praying manises older brother, wanted Joe to take over the family business with them, but respects Joe's desires and dreams. Also they wear cute little sweater vests and glasses made of dew drops because as I mentioned, they're a bug. Colin G, the first year of Bohumia, he started a food truck during the giant wars. Austin L, once went on a blind date with Alonus, she tried to contact him via speaking stone a bunch afterwards, but he straight up ghosted her.

Lance W, a master of all weapons, except the Lance. A bunch of chosen knights teased him about it, so he chopped off their heads with a sword. Just an eye, the devil bard. After accidentally signing Ilsaid's book, he lives in hell, but still tours Buhumi at playing death metal to sold out crowds. Ely A, the newly crowned scout master of the Cricketiers, a way, way, way better guy than Diny. Though a bunch of his Cricketiers are currently missing.

Caleb, a brilliant dwarven track star from Iron Deep, had the record for pole vault for a hundred years before hard one shattered it. Clayton M, the richest guy in Bahumia, the kingpin of a massive arcane ring, sort of a Pablo Escobar, but a little less bloodthirsty. TJM. Papas Law School Professor. Papas brilliantly defended his thesis and passed the bar thanks to TJ's Sage Council. The professional. Bahumia's first professional rock climber, nicknamed for how incredible he is at scrambling up that rock. Jacob C was sailing on his boat on a lovely day when Ulfgar crashed through the hole.

His ship sank, but he's an amazing swimmer and made it to land. Alaina M once got sculled us to take a sip of wine. It was super low alcohol content, but it still got him a little buzzed. Gone off. Gone off has gone off on Matthias Crit in a sparring match. He took it way too seriously and kicked Matthias in the balls. He fought dirty, but he won. Cameron C fights all his battles blindfolded to make the fight fair for his enemies, has accidentally wandered off many of battlefields.

McPucks the code master who is tirelessly working to build our website, McPucks actually hacked the mainframe to ensure that old Cobb got a Nat20 on his death save. Thanks, dude. Earl L. Earl is never late, always early. They regularly get the breakfast sliders at the Blue Manna Inn. Dylan M. Once Misty steps so hard, he woke up in the Feywild.

Jive G. Created Bohumius' first jazz band. They regularly perform at Moonstone's annual jam barine and Shay fully loses herself in the tunes. Corbin A. The Bogdog. A legendary creature who is half swam thing, half werewolf. They are extremely powerful but also smell extremely like wet fur all the time. Powel G. Pappas Pint Pall from Back in Grade School. Wrote Pappas several postcards that all say,

Oh, I'm on them. Pappas kept them all. Alright, that's all the names for this week. Thank you all so much for listening. If I mispronounced your name or misgendered you or anything like that, please let us know. Also, if you have suggestions for what you'd like your nickname to be, please just leave that on the Patreon. We really appreciate you all doing this. You're the best. We love you. Thank you for your guiding light and I'll see you next time. Bye! Hitgun Podcast.