Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 31: Walk the Plank (The Cutthroat Chronicles with Siobhan Thompson)

Episode Date: September 6, 2018

The Band of Boobs launch a rescue mission to save Ulfgar from fancy orc pirates! Hardwon goes bottomless, Bev beefs it, Moonshine acquires henchmen, and Apple does some wrasslin'. Siobhan Thompson joins us as "Field Elf" Barbarian Apple Scrumper! Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Seagulls" by Dobroide at Freesound.org."Sea Waves" by Owl at Freesound.org."Big Crowd Chatter" by Kyster at Freesound.org."Crowd in a Bar" by Leandros Ntounis at Freesound.org."Back Against the Wall" by Emily Axford. "A Giant Among Men" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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brush processing. Code www-A-W-P-A-W. Goodbye, Sweeties. Welcome to the campaign after the campaign. This is not another D&D podcast. Welcome back to Bahumi, everyone. Bahumi. Bahumi. Bahumi.

I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy Murphy joined by Jake Herwits. Hard one sure foot. Emily Axford. Moonshan Sabin. Cheat of the beef. Callable Tanner. Beverly Toggle V. Snowboard Kid. Nice.

And Shimon Thompson. Apple Scrimper. Mudboarder extraordinaire. Mudboarder stroller. Yeah guys, let's do a quick recap. Mudboarder extraordinaire. Mudboarder extraordinaire. Yeah, guys, let's do a quick recap. So last week, you guys left the creek to go for a vacation weekend at a pirate casino.

Yeah, I just wanna get it off my back that I think I came into last episode thinking this was a vacation and perhaps too relaxed. You're like the guy that comes on a bachelor party that has a wife and kids already. It's like, I am hell bent on partying. I came from some very stressful times in the crib and I was like, I'm just gonna do what is not right

and just try to do every sick flip I can. I don't think you're hanging over should be happening this early. I want you partying for another day. Moonshine, you gotta drink some water. Yeah, you're right, okay, okay, I'll keep going. I want you partying for another day. Moonshine, you got to drink some water. Yeah, you're right. Okay, okay. I'll keep going. I'll keep going.

So you guys met Apple Scrumper, a field elf, Barbarian, who was enraged at having lost all her money on a virtual snowboarding game. You joined her in the game and gambled all your gold, but you did end up winning just barely. Apple was just able to finish off the frost giant snowboarder and you guys won, 2500 gold. High High on life you headed over to the bar where moonshine began flirting with a super hot tiefling couple. Balnor and her followed them up to their room and of course

they turned out to be an incubus and a succubus. moonshine passed her wisdom saving throw only because she's an elf. You would have been so dead if you hadn't been and was able to escape. She grabbed Balnor and just him. Kiss Balnor to save him. I forgot. I forgot. Faked in orgasm, but Balnor doesn't remember, correct?

Balnor was in charmed mode, right? We'll talk about that in a minute. Oh shit. You guys ran down the hall to try to escape the incubus and the succubus who were scratching at your back as full on devil people. Meanwhile, Apple, Beverly and Hard One were sitting down near the bar where they were approached by a drunk pirate who hard one pressed for information and Beverly cast a zone of truth on.

The loose-lipped pirate confessed that his pirate crew had found Ulfgar and was trading him to a mysterious buyer who quote, bad lives in hell. And that's where we are now. So this pirates, friends have just like reprimanded him and called him to join them. He's left and they are all walking over to the docks. Moon Shine and Balnor. Now that you've broken the charm and you don't see these guys as a hot couple anymore,

they're not super good fighters. So as soon as you guys start running, they kind of turn back into their tea flavor before. They're just rotten them away. Yeah, and as you, as you got... I can't believe I wanted to fuck you. Ha ha ha. And as you guys run down the hall, they just go,

feel free to send one of your friends up. I definitely won't. I certainly won't. In fact, I might send you a bill for again to watch me in Boundor lock lips like that. By the way, Boundor, nope, nope, we didn't. This is all just- I feel like I barely remember us making it. Yep, and no, I think that you're confusing me because you were kissing that girl and you

were charm. So, didn't never speak a word of this ever again. Boundor and moonshine walk downstairs approximately like eight minutes after they left. And they join you guys at the table. You said it was going to be a quickie, but I didn't realize moonshine and I French. French kissed. All right, I'm going to give you to you. Real Boundor was charmed up there They turned out to be a succubus and an incubus so there were nothing happened thanks for telling us the full truth

And you did kiss balnor I That I Yeah, balnor you've got mushrooms all over your lips. Oh, yeah, I need a scorpion bowl for one Yeah, I'm a scorpion bowl for one. Kill, John. Yeah, I'm going to make it four. Five. How many of us are here? They bring punch bowls around. Extra, extra. So every sip is just like almost a choke. So we also have some news. The pirates have Ulfgar, captive. Apple, this is kind of our fault. It's a little bit of a lost story.

Apple, I'm so sorry. We have dumped a lot on you right now. This is a lot of information. Are you okay? I mean, we met. You seemed like you were having some crazy times. We want a lot of money together. Let's story time.

Let's get to know each other. Why not? Yeah, no. Well, so I'm here. As you may know, some stuff has been going down at the field. We've had what's called field rot. There's been some stuff coming down from the creek and the water has been poisoned.

Oh well, so fun news. It's gone. Oh well that's good. Yeah. Nice and good news. This is crazy. I know everything we said has been so crazy so far, but we did cure Cricro.

And this is when the scorpion bowls are up. Well, I'm on fire. We're in it. We cheers some flaming gold. I try to lift mine, it is too heavy. I like the fire because it melts the ice. The ice makes it too cold for me, innit? Understandable.

So something was on yieldier. It's the fieldier, but no one can do it. Well, we've been saying congealed at the field. Oh, I like the yieldy as well. That's pretty good. Yeah, you have a little wide of these. Keep your eyes peeled, but be open, nice. So anyway, a lot of our crops have died and a lot of our animals.

And we've not been making enough to make ends meet. So I came up here to this pirate place because I heard that, you know, well, maybe we can make a little bit more money on the meat. And then I make a little bit money on the side. But as you saw, I was not doing that well. So you're in the hole. Yeah, I was in the hole, so I don't know. I don't mean to be rude, but if I could get some of that money that we just won, I would love that.

Absolutely, yeah, Jimmy, what's your tab? Well, you know, I mean I spent 200 on it But I mean if I could get 400 Take that one Yeah, take that one Yeah, take that one Yes, by me I really like you

We're sort of like a Robin Hood Yeah People Moonshot, I feel like we should talk out our budget If we're going to be in a relationship Oh He was the sound Wow, you guys are already big Oh, these are together And this guy is just like I've got to be wearing a lot of bags Wow, you guys are already together.

This guy is just one. I've got to be very in a little bag. Balloon Lord, no. Look, you know, I'm not going back. Are we breaking up right now? Could we not do this in front of everyone? I love my weak dad and my mushroom mom.

This is fun. I love it. I'm not. Another mom for Beverly. I know I am not anyone's mom, and I am certainly not anyone's girlfriend. I'm Moonshine Sabin. I kissed you and a man.

God damn shit, it was a savior, stupid life. All right, you know what? Clean break, we work together. Let's keep it at that. I vomit. I turned to Moonshine Rough Breakup. I'm sorry, Bal, they're broke your heart. Hey, you're gonna get over one more scorpion ball for the broken hearted you know what I'm gonna find those

tea flames and let them take my soul so Ulfgar oh yeah so Ulfgar you've heard I mean you know the legendary heroes right here is everything is that we met and we let them jump off of an airship. Yeah, we met him. He had Crick Rock. Well, we call Crick Rock. He essentially had Phil Rock Crick Rock. No.

Some kind of blood lust. He was crazy. He was attacking. He had to attack or would hurt him or something like that. Yeah, and then he wanted to kill himself and we were like, no, duh, but we sort of let him jump off the bone, anyway. But then he sort of penciled that backwards.

Like it. Hands crossed over. There's a lot of excitement. I'm not gonna light you. Like mostly the excitement I have at home is like, cowples over, something like that. It's so funny when that happens. It falls over.

He is very funny. That does, what is a cow? I take a bite of a slider. It's like a flashy donkey with breasts. All right. Very good. Surprisingly good to script. The flashy donkey.

I guess you have a cow hide cloak. Yeah, oh yeah, it's like this. All right. They're like sometimes nicer than donkeys, but sometimes they're very mean. They can be very mean. Interesting. I think I like cows.

I take it out of my mouth. I love cows. I take it out of my mouth. I love cows. I take it out of my mouth. I take it out of my cows. I take it out of my mouth. I have very nice herd of cows together. Hard one, what did you think the vest that moonshine was wearing was made of? Honestly, I thought that was her skin. You thought that was her skin. Yeah, so, so, Oofgar, essentially, he said, when you cure a quick rock, come find me. And we said, okay, and that's when he jumped off the boat. Yep.

And so now we were trying to kind of get away hence some of the reckless behavior on my part. This just started to a working vacation. This just started to a work vacation, yeah. Cell phones back on everyone. Wait, so I'm gonna get to meet one of the legendary heroes. Apple, you're gonna get to save one of the legendary heroes. Apple, you're gonna get to save one of the legendary. No.

Oh my God, my cousins are gonna be so impressed. Now, just a quick caveat about meeting your heroes. Doesn't always go super great. So just, he probably doesn't have a trick right? No, I mean, but no, he's gonna be great though, any? I think he might have something other than Crickrat though. I'm thinking he might have some kind of like I feel like he had he was being controlled by Fialla

He's been through a lot and when he got further away from her the control was less strong But I'm worried that that still is on right so I Involved in this as well. Oh, yeah, all cars demand and he never too in the face and he tried to hurt us So we gave him gatorade But it felt like he was drinking hay You guys have met so many celebrities and honestly, I'm so impressed a lot of them are not living up to the hike Yeah, I will try to murder everybody including his dad. Yeah, honestly of all the celebrities Uh, you're the coolest one yet. That's true. By the way. I actually have your Jersey bunched up in my mousatio.

Would you sign it? Oh yeah, sweetie would. I wouldn't be honored. Oh my goodness. Thank you so much. Oh wow, it's also a caustic. I'll just do it for the art, you know, I don't do it for the fame.

I just love to board. Aim into that. So I guess we got a rescue old car, huh? Okay, so real talk. Do y'all want to try to infiltrate this party? Or do y'all want to try to be higher bidders? I mean, our diplomatic missions are mediocre at this. Yeah, we're not great at talking words. Well, I can't help without him. I'm very stupid. Yeah, welcome. Welcome to the band

All right, so we could also just try a sneak on. I mean that ship was raging So let's let's sneak on if we get caught Beverly plays a rich privilege boy who is going to buy Bed that's the role you were born to play. Yeah's the role I was born to play! Babe, you have to be adding him to your collection, be a real piece of shit. Talk about wanting his teeth, etc. Alright, this is all stuff I can work with. Do I have to take the earrings out though? Leave them in.

Yeah, I think they make you look even saucy. Right, for the part. Okay, great, great, great. So do we just pretend to be like his friends? Are we trying to be or... Yeah, let's just walk on to this. Yeah, let's just walk on. We're partying, so do we do we just pretend to be like his friends? Are we trying to be or? Yeah, let's just walk on to this. Yeah, let's just walk on it's it's Party ready got any more of them errands Absolutely, I think it's time to do another makeover

I've got some awesome big broaches and just like fake rubies if you want some of those Do you want an eye patch? Yes. Okay, here you go. It's a little itchy, but you know, it looks really good on you. Oh my goodness. This is like, do you ever do melora pagents down at the creek? No. Oh my god.

Oh my god. All the kids dress up. Yeah. Y'all dress up for melora? Yeah. Melora ever do this to get naked for her. That's weird, isn't it? I thought it was a little weird.

I thought it was a little weird. You got to dress up for Melora. She loves a little dress up, time. No! She loves to see you as you are. You guys are, you come from such different worlds. Wow. This is how I feel when I talk to the chosen about the light.

Show me interpretations. Okay. Hey, uh, oh, I, I just heard of the bartender. Yeah. Um, what's your name, sir? My name is Hurrog. Hurrog. It's nice to meet you. I hold on my hand. He shakes you with a big massive hand. I hate to bother you, but I'm, and you know, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable with this, but I'm surprised to see a giant. I'm honestly delighted to see a giant. What's your arrangement? I guess I'm trying to ask, is your arrangement, are you here well, Fully?

Yeah. Okay. All giants have been banned to the frigid north, so for me, this is kind of a hideaway. This is for me to be able to get away from the laws of man. I was, I had sent for my family a long time ago to meet me here, but they never showed up. He just looks off wistfully. Sorry to hear that.

Oh my gosh. Must be hard for you to play mini golf too. I'm so sorry. To me it's mini mini golf. And he looks off even more with split. I'm so sorry that I just tried to have a threesome at your bar while you were dealing with such. They were pretty obviously devil's, huh?

Yeah, they were honestly. And I just just I wanted to walk into that trap. I was feeling a little self-destructive. I feel that I drink a lot on the job. Can I buy you a drink? I'll do a shot with you. Okay, I want to see a giant shot. Whoa, he does the fishbowl as a shot. He gives you a little shot. He does the fishbowl as a shot. If he really gives you a little shot, he does a fishbowl. Yeah, that was awesome. Hey, we're trying to get onto the pirate ship. You got any advice for us? You seem like nice folks.

I wouldn't get mixed up with those guys. They got 20 or 30 guys there with them. They got a fancy yacht with all kind of traps and whatnot on it. Yeah, let's say we didn't know what was best for us Let's say we're all feeling a little self-destructive. Yeah None of us got laid These two made out though, so could everyone for you? We came to fuck her to fight and we don't got a game We came to fuck her to fight and everyone here is sucky-bye, so it looks like I'm fighting. They came in this morning, they're called Snotz, Snotz lot.

Snotz lot, the handgun, that's not yeah. Captain Snot, kind of ostentatious, rich as not, is kind of a lot. Captain Snot is a lot. He got weaknesses. Captain's not. You ever see him go for blondes or trying to hatch a snott's plot? Yeah.

We don't got a lot. I mean, he likes money. Just money. All right, what you got behind the bar, that's real flashy, that we could show up with, that we'll get his attention. Or do we even want to get his flashy that we could show up with, that would get his attention. Or do we even wanna get his attention? I don't know if we wanna get his attention.

Okay, never mind, we just wanna blend in. I think that, I think maybe we just embark for that ship. Let's do it. Hey, tell you what, we're sort of traveling around, but who, yeah, if you wanna write a message, if we find ourselves in the frigid north, you want us to deliver a message to the fam? Yeah.

Out in the frigid north. You want us to deliver a message to the fam? Yeah. Out in the frigid north, Frost Giants obviously take to it pretty well. The Hill Giants, not so much. So I don't know if they would be alive, but I have a wife named Aura, and I have a son who's also named Urog. And if you find them, you can give them this to let them know that I'm still okay.

And he hands you a big, very big gold coin. And he goes back a long time ago, my grandfather gave that to me. We used to have our own cities, our own kingdoms, our own currency. That's a piece of gold from that time. I will find the fam. Yeah, we'll find aura.

It's been a pleasure talking to you here, Ag. Good talking to you guys. You know, I talked to Drunk's all the time, but I gave you guys my cool coin. I just trust you for some reason. I appreciate it. I get it. I just met in my night trust them in me, certainly. It's on his eyes. Kind of happens. Yeah. We're nice. We just met a man I trust them immensely. It's undesvised, kind of. It happens.

Yeah, we're nice, we're real dumb, but we're kind. Yeah. I saw you go up with the devil's I was thinking about telling you know, but you know, it's, there's a lot of crime here and stuff. You just got to kind of appreciate that. You know, I think it was a mistake I needed to make. Speaking of mistakes, let's go over to that pirate ship. Yeah. Apple, just wanted to double check you want to join us.

Oh, hell yeah. Okay, all right. That's my doing up here. I'm just saying it's gonna be a risky, stupid mission. So I just want to make sure you're down. Are you a professional, well semi professional mud border? You're so right. You're a pro.

You're a pro. You're a pro. You're a pro. You're a pro. You're a pro. You're a pro. You're a pro. You're so right. Racie is my middle name. You know none of us are. I take out my apple jersey and I'm like, I'm so right. Here's the other thing. If we pull this off, you could probably end up with a lot more money.

We're gonna be on a pirate ship. I'm sure they've got lots of gold that you could, I guess, liberate might be the word. I mean, I'm not one for sealing on principle, but if you're stealing from a pirate, that's like taking it back. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. That's the economy. First off, is anyone else feeling like a deep empathy? I'm feeling like I don't understand both sides of this giant war and I'm starting to

wonder if the giants got really fucked over. Yeah, pretty much everyone I know fought in it and that's kind of what I'm dealing with right now. Yeah. I look over at the SS storm board knowing that my dad fought a bunch of giants on that. Oh, shit, I didn't even thought of that. Let's be nice to giants. I think I'm on the side of some giants. Yeah, the one thing that I've learned on this journey is that everybody at the top kind of sucks and everybody at the bottom is pretty much fine and just caught up in it.

Well, if Red's to be believed, everything sucks and you should just try to be as nice to everyone as you can unless they really suck. So I'm thinking as soon as we get close, all casts pass without trace on all of us. Cool. Are we going with Operation Stealth or Operation Fancy Boy? Stealth. Stealth. Stealth. Fancy Boy is if we get what they ask. That's the story when we when they ask us who we are. Yes. Roger. And if anyone asks the three of us, we're your hard hands and we say we defer this is our boss. Absolutely. This fancy eccentric boy. This checks out. Yeah. Cool. Let's do it. So you guys start to walk near the docks. Tell me how you guys are boy. So this checks out. Yeah. Cool. Let's do it. So you guys start to walk near the docks.

Tell me how you guys are approaching. So there are other boats and stuff. And you see these guys who grabbed yarn and brought him back to the boat are long gone. You don't see them. Is there still a party raging? Is there a spring break vibe? Yeah, so you see that it's not a spring break vibe

where you could just go and blend in. There are about 12 orcs up there who are all part of the story. It's not like you could just be like, where do it's like a party with like 12 people? And let me real quick describe the ship. So you guys have the front of the ship is right in front of you.

There's this big buff orc carved into the front of it. The wheel is on a raised platform right above it. And then there's this long deck that's like 60 or 70 feet long. There's this big mast in the middle. And on the other side, on the back of the boat, you see a door that clearly kind of goes down to the hall to below deck. So maybe you don't really do just want to go Operation Fancy Boy.

And just try to get invited onto the ship. It is boat culture. So like when you park your boat next to someone else's boat, there's a chance you're gonna get invited over to like share your drinks. Yeah, why don't we hang out by the boat and then if we're all talking to some of these guys, maybe we're distracting them enough for you to sneak on

Let us know what's happening. Okay quick. We're supposed to force everyone. Sorry apple. This is a good thing though. I snought on her In the field Yeah, and then let's like walk over and if you guys can start a conversation perhaps I can So your guys boat was parked like kind of next to them So you guys want to like hang out on your boat and yell to their boat? Absolutely. Yeah, the boaters greet you. Oh, yeah, do you have it? What's the sound system like on your boat? Oh, it's like a really janky Just a boast mini sound length I think is loud enough for the whole deck, but it's Bluetooth never works. Yeah, let's blast it no matter

What let's blast some like Nelly? All right, actually it's sort of like an iPhone in a cup Other boat just like looks at you and turns up their music louder Go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go Okay, go ahead and roll a stealth check. I have a 14. So you sneak up to go look into like a porthole and you see one of the orcs looks over the side and he goes, hey, what the hell are you doing down there? I'm just looking for the party. Go ahead and give me a deception check. Um, just so you know, my tits are totally out. Do I just go to the guy?

Oh absolutely. With advantage. 15. 15, okay, let me say. Will it be enough? Why are you climbing around the outside then? Why didn't you approach the stairs and... Oh, you know, I come from the country and I've never been on a boat before

If I'm being very honest, I'm very inexperienced Ballnor looks so butter So she does this on everyone So you guys are on this boat You guys see the orcs are instantly like gravitating to the side of the boat that Moonshine is climbing up, like there's already a scene. And this guy just looks at you, Moonshine.

Eddie turns around and yells to the boat, hey, we got somebody trying to stow away here. We got somebody climbing up. And Moonshine, you see the captain walks over, and he puts his leg on the side of the boat. You see he's got this captain's hat on, he's got this big red gem and he goes, my, my, my, what do we have here? Well uh, Moonshine, Moonshine, are you causing a stir down there?

I'm sorry, that's my son. He looks, he looks over. Uh, I guess Beverly's far enough a way that he could be an elf child. Give me a Jesus. A deception check with disadvantage. You guys deserve it. I'm saying I got the one, the good one. Okay, nine. What are you doing on my boat? I'm sorry. you know what? I just, some of my girlfriends from school,

they told me that you throw the best parties, and I got to fix and think and I would be the most popular girl at school if I went to one of your parties, and I know it was ill in the back. Where do you go to school? I'm not a school that was in truth Moonshine roller perception check 21

Okay, you see that some of the orcs and you guys see it as well on the other boat You see that some of the orcs have gotten down off the deck and are starting to go around to the side that moonshine is climbing up Okay, well the captain is talking all Alright, I'm gonna hop down too. Okay. God dammit moonshine. You can't go anywhere without looking for a fix. I'm sorry. She's an arcane fin.

Give me a disemption check. Throwing lies against the wall, waiting for one to stick. I got a two. I'm gonna use a luck one. Okay, last one for the guys. We gotta get these guys to not kill us. Uh-huh, uh-huh. That's an 18. Okay.

You see the captain looks down at her, and then it looks over at you. She's a tweaker? Yeah, she's gonna crawl onto every boat until she finds some fucking arcane. It's incredibly embarrassing. I'm really sorry. Come here, move in shine.

I wrap her up in my clothes. I see. I see. I see. She's a tweaker. Yeah, she's gonna crawl onto every boat until she finds some fucking arcane. It's incredibly embarrassing. I'm really sorry. Come here, move your shine. I wrap her up in my clothes. Ice-curry over. I love arcane. Shiver, shiver a little bit. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, motions to a couple of the other orc guys to like head on over to your boat. Oh, yeah, come on over.

He goes, I'll send a couple of my guys over, get your tweaker friend, the fuck off my boat. Get over here, Moody China. As we're walking away, I try to peek into a mantle for a portal. Go ahead and give me a stall check. You have password outtrace, so you do get plus 10. Did you guys pass without trace? Yeah, I did when we were walking over. Okay.

13. 13? Oh wait, stealth without trace. Oh never mind. Yeah, that's 17. He rolled at 21. He goes, now what the fuck are you doing? Hoking in here.

I don't like you guys. I don't like you guys one fucking bit. I get my tits up. I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I goes you all get on board or we blow up your ship. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't like you fucking sneaking around out here. Guys, it looks like we just got invited to the party. Okay. Nice. I thought. I thought we'll bring the tuna.

All right. It seems bad. All right, let's go on the boat. I still think this is a fun vibe. We're having a party. Yeah. It's not a real party if you don't get rested. That's why we say. I pull my tits out. It's not our bumper sticker says. You guys get on the boat. You see he

has a little like handheld device. He presses it. You see six like Mario 3 style guns out of the deck and he goes, all right, everybody hands out. These are very weapons. Are these T-shirt guns or something? This is very fun. Regular guns. Sneaking around, trying to steal our treasure. Don't think I don't know what type of people hang out around swashbucklers,

bounty on the greatest swashbuckler of them all. Captain Jeremiah Snot. I've never heard of you. I'm no offense or anything, but I've never heard of you. One of the guns shoots at you. Oh! Ah, that's only 16-a-hats, so you can dodge. I think you have 17-a-said? You have 17-a-said.

Okay, you go by the way. Careful. Iris pours pours pours everyone. Is it too late for Operation Fancy Lad? I think that we tried all our lives. Okay. I shouldn't have peaked into the pool. That was the breaking point.

Yep, we found it. They were gonna go over and try to sell you some arcane bite. Do we have to try to fight these guys? I don't see the alternative. How many? How many? Yes. How many? How many? Yes.

How many are? There are 12 guys, 12 guys. They have cannons trained on the SS stormborn. I'd really hate if anything happened to my old man, both. Yeah, if we beat them, we could take this shit there. I mean, no offense, but yours just looks like a mini golf course. Excuse you. Yeah.

But in a good way, right? I would say in the same thing. Like, mini golf's fun, so it's good that you'll see a good way, right? I was saying the same thing. Like mini golf's fun, so it's good that you're listening. Oh yeah, I mean it's fun, but like this is a beer tap in the mouth. You all remember, I know this is not a correct use of rapport spores, but y'all remember when the giant said, it's actually mini mini golf.

That was really good. That was really good. We all laugh out loud. Okay, so you guys have all just been standing here quietly. You're clearly trying to steal my treasure. No, we're just on a lot of arcane right now. Right, well if my treasure means that delicious golden brew you have over there. One of you tried to jump onto the boats. Another one started peeking into our hole. We're pirates, we don't like that kind of thing. I'm sorry, we don't like that kind of thing.

I'm sorry, you don't like people being fun. I thought pirates were supposed to be fun. No offense. You're supposed to be like a real like law rules guy. Yeah. Drop your weapons. I'm gonna walk over really slowly. Don't move.

To the beer tap. Don't touch the beer tap. I will shoot you with a gun. I think the beer tap has been around. It's been around and trying to hit him with my ass. Okay, everybody relax. I went about as well as we thought. 18. 21.

13. Hard one. You act first. I guess like spray the beer as a distraction That's good. Hey don't touch that fucker, and then I just want the beer flowing for this entire battle So you see you see there are about 12 guys up here on the deck. You've got the chief You've got two beefier looking dudes wearing like breast plates and then you've got just regular orc pirate guys. I'm gonna go for the fucking captain. Yeah, go for the king. Cool.

Duttle rules. Oh fuck. 13. 13 does not hit. Of course it doesn't. Why would it? Ooh, we have so close to a nat 20, but it's 23. That hits.

Hit him for 10. Is he on death store? Yeah, he's dead. Cool. Whoa. I'm gonna take a quick sip of beer and use my action search. You do it out.

Don't drink my beer. You stole that. See, I told you. Is that a session I'd be trying? We'll see you in my fucking- Just fucking fully leaking the tap. It's heat of chino, that's expensive. It's 20.

I don't know that shit. 20 hits. Oh, that one with the owl? Yeah. It's so good. 17 damage. expensive. It's 20. I got a relationship. 20 hits. Oh, the one with the owl. Yeah. It's so good. 17 damage. Jesus. 26.

26 hits. 11. So then it is the chief's turn. On his turn, you see he backs up. He disengages. I am the brave captain, Snot. Get him, man. And he runs back.

You see, he presses his little handheld device and little sprinklers emerge from below deck and start shooting grease out onto the floor. Everybody give me deck saving food. Oh no, I don't know. You see, these guys are wearing little like booties, like a little, uh, two-toed boots. I'm loving this King K rule bullshit.

Oh. 17. Oh! 14! 12. Whoops. Uh, loving this King K rule bullshit. Oh 17. Oh 14 12 whoops. That's gonna be a nine Everybody beefs accept apple you guys all fall prone. I'm just used to being in the mud That's cool. It's your natural element things get super slippery. You see the captain takes a full dash action Runs to like the back of the ship and runs down the stairs. That is Apple's turn. Who do I have around me?

You got two big beefy boys and nine orc babies. Not actual babies. That's the way that we would not let it kill them. They're fresh face. Well, I'm going to go into a rage. Swints? Can I run off to this guy? Sure.

You are going to need to do decks checks to not slip on the grease. Right, I guess I'll give that a go. Cool. You'll need to do a full dash because he just ran. Sure. Okay. Go ahead and give me a Dex save. Come on, Apple.

Not 20, baby. You! You go fucking fast, everything. I just slide. I don't even run. I just fucking go on the green. Tomy, creamy, creamy. Risky business. With a nat 20, I'll let you do an attack at the end of that.

I'll let you do an attack. So I'm moonshine's apple jersey, and I now approve it. I'm wearing it now. So you see he's running for like a door and a stairway at the back of the boat, and you fucking slide at him. Whiskey business style? Yeah, Whiskey business. I have my sword out just like,

I'm just gonna stick it right in him, hopefully. Sweet, got you. 18, does 18 hit? 18 does hit. Tell you. Yeah. 15, 15 damage. 15 damage, cool.

He's looking a little hurt. That is Moonshine's turn. I wanna do tidal wave, but I wanna do it with beer. And I wanna do it to like wipe all the grease away, but also attack some of these little minions. Nice. Okay, I'll first leave her aloe depe beer, makes no sense.

It's already on. Don't, okay, so Mo Mooshine, let's- Well, did I need my material as a drop of water? So instead of a drop of water, I'm using a drop of beer. You pull the tap and some Hitta Chino comes out. It takes them Hitta Chino. Okay.

And then I make a title wave on as many of his little minion guys as I can. What's the footage on that? It is 30 feet long, up to 10 feet wide wide up to 10 feet tall. I would say you fucking hit everybody except for the cheat. Yeah, so they all make dexterity saving throws. I rolled two sevens in a row so they're definitely gonna fail. So anyone who fails takes 11 damage and is knocked prone. You fuck these regular orc guys are on death store. So much beer pours in their mouths.

You're like, I have alcohol, boys, make y'all. And they slip and bang their heads brutally. New York dollar baby, it's so brutal. But also does the stickiness of the beer counteract the slipperyness now. Sure, why not? Yeah, the beer life wipes away a lot of the grease. Yeah.

And then I save a little bit of the title wave and drink a cup of beer from a hand. I'm not to bell north, that's your fucking girlfriend. Shut up! I'm not to bell. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable.

She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable.

She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. She's unbelievable. They go you are we're beefy and they're gonna go after moonshine you wasted our hit a Chino Yo ho that's expensive We love pirates love hit a Chino the only 13 to hit on the first attack Great Axe misses 21 hit on the second attack and go ahead just getting it 15 damage Second guy swings. I actually prefer blue moon I know it's a little basic I just I love the citrus taste engine there. Yeah, it's pretty good You're you drank kid that's messed up for I have a high tolerance 14 hit misses He swings again. He hits on the second hit four

12 damage to moonshine.. Beverly, that is your- Can we say whenever they hit me, I bleed Hiddichino. From now on, you're the Hiddichino Elemental. They suck at your arm, sweet, sweet craft beer. Sweet Cheat $11 bottles of beer. Sweet, sweet Japanese beer. So all the Greeks has been wiped away. The Greeks has been wiped away.

You're prone, but you can just use half your movement. So you can't get as far as like Apple and the Chief at the end of the boat, because you have to use half your movement to get up. Psychically, before I begin, I do want to summon Big Buck to come over here and mess it up. Beverly is calling his ass. Yeah.

Yeah. OK, I'm going to say that's going to be a pretty tough athletics check for a donkey to jump from a ship to a I don't want him to fall into the water. I just want to summon him to like come and get in the mix. Okay. He starts running Yeah Come my ass Starts running. All right, so I guess I get up. Okay. I want to I want to talk to one of the beefy guys my action I want to command them. Okay, it's wisdom saving. Cool, he failed. All right, my command is swim.

You got it, kid. You just jumps in the water and start swimming. Oh, yeah, but he's doing pretty good. He said, okay, don't stop until you've done 200 yards. You've got it. I'm the best swimmer here. But other guys, you're like, what the fuck are you doing? Ah, butterfly, butterfly stroke. It starts doing the butterfly stroke. Cool.

That is Boundorse turn. I lick a little Hiddichino. You get a nice, crisp taste of Hiddichino. Gosh, that's so crisp. It's expensive. Yeah, it could only be made in the Sopper amountings. Boundor's proum, but he uses half his movement. He's up in the mix with all of these other guys.

He's gonna attack with advantage. And he hits one of these guys. He is a big beefy level five now. He literally can't not kill this guy. He's, he's bound to just walk his overhead brutally. Just executes one. And then he takes a second attack on another one. You use the her bell, Lauren.

And he hits the other one, and he executes another one. He just walks over and, up, up. Honestly, I don't wanna say it, but that was pretty hot. He has killed two people, I mean, I saw for number four. You wanna make out. I'm thinking about it. Honestly. I'm thinking about it. Honestly, I've got more.

I'll go for it. Yeah, you could be a good rebound. I need to get him on. Boundwork is horned up. If he's the one guy that gets laid up, they can't. He's horned up and killing foes. I love my horny dad. That is set in of the Orcs turn.

They get up and they all attack Boundwork. It's Boundwork. Kill their friends and they all attack Boundor. He's Boundor. He's got the other friends. I was horny and confident. You have to understand. He had the mist of horny rage draped over his brow. So only two of them hit Boundor. Okay.

They do 20 damage to Boundor. He's okay though. It's okay. I'm still horny. Use it. So after the Orcs turn, you see that those mini cannons are gonna shoot those six cannons that came up and one that shot at Apple when she first showed up. Apple has gotten past them.

She's running after the chief going down below deck, but you three, two each, we'll go after you guys. First one misses, hard one you dodge both. Two after moonshine, you dodge both, two after Bev. One hits you. Four, 15 damage. Okay. These little mini cannons shoots like musket ball sized bullets at you guys. Be it. I get it. It's not catching on. And then back up to that hard one. Way to go slow gold. Oh, goodness.

I'll swing it a beefy boy. Okay, cool. You think you're the only one beefy boy left. The other one is swimming away. Oh, that's right. You're not as beefy as me. Maybe he is though. 13.

That is not it. Yeah, right. He pushes your arm out of the way., he gets risk control and just moves you I massage my calves which are out of my pants right now And I miss it again. I imagine 14 he pulls your pants down while you're doing that You suck man, you just absolutely suck ass You absolutely completely suck it guys. Guys, nobody killed this guy. I really need to. So that is the Chiefs turn.

He is going to take another full disengaged action. He just like pushes Apple. It keeps running. It's coward. You see he runs below deck and you'll see what he's up to if you go below deck. Ooh. And that is Apple's turn. One big, go below deck and you'll see what he's up to if you go below deck. Ooh. And that is Apple's turn.

Why me go blue deck? Apple you go below deck. And there are six more dudes down there. Bleee. And. And. I thought that was the custom design to give me speeches. I'm just like to say.

It's this is basically a cartoon where you hear the breaks hit as your beat stop. Are they all the shitty little guys or are they the beat boys? See, four shitty little guys, two beefy boys, and of course the captain who just ran into them. You see, one of the shitty little guys has a silver horn with him, like a war horn. It is not his turn, so he's not going to do anything yet, but you see he has it like the shitty little guys has a silver horn with him, like a war horn. It is not his turn, so he's not gonna do anything yet, but you see he has it like ready to act, but he looks like frightened that he saw you. Well, I mean, I guess I will throw one of my hand axes

at the horn. At the guy who has the horn. Cool. Go ahead and- So I'm actually throwing it like at his wrist to knock the horn net of his hands. I'm not necessarily aiming to- Okay, I will say for that to happen, you'll need to hit with great success. If not, you'll just do damage.

Great. Cool. How successful is a 15? Successful enough to slice him because he's just in little Pirates Rags. So go ahead and roll your damage. I think it's a D6 plus rank. It's a D6. Okay.

10. 10 damage. Yes. He is right fucked up. And I say, don't you be even bloody think about blowing up a D horn. I love you. I know you're dead. I know you're dead.

I know you're dead. I know him. You don't know my dad. This is my dad. He points to one of the other harts. I'm his dad. He's my son. I love him.

No, you don't. If you blow that horn it'll come to you. I'll you. Oh, we're a fairably. We work together. I was pirates Dig together. Oh, no, we're a brotherhood and also he's at my actual son. You have a second attack. Oh, yes Kill his kid. Yeah, I mean I'll throw the other hand I said that kid Dad am I gonna be okay? Not any. Ah! Just finish him. Just throw the axe in his head.

It's my voice and almost a family affair. I'm so glad that he's on in front of his dad. Yeah, 14, 15, 16. Dad, I'm gonna be a pretty much pirate, right? Yeah, it just goes in between his eyeballs. You see one eyeball hanging out. No, you're my son wait gonna Please move movement cuz I kill you

Yeah, you definitely got on his dad so you yeah, Ax goes fully through his head and I'll say hits the guy next to him Hits his dad. It's how much damage did you do 21? So kill you kill the dad as well 21 so kill the dad you kill the dad as well Next one, I know that's it. That's awful, but you know, I destroyed a family today I mean you wiped out a lineage Beyond fucked up they were they were the only ones left The proud yards

Moonscience turn. Hey, so I'm gonna go in a fungal form and spores one of the guys you end one and then I'm gonna bring them back as a zombie Yeah, oh shit. I got this ability so long ago, but we no one's taken any so he's a zombie now you have an undead servant Can I say he's a beer zombie? He's a hit a chino zombie. He looks like the hit a chino owl I'm going back to life because of the fresh taste. And then I also want to run towards that below deck area. Okay, so you will get about halfway there on just your movement. And you've got a zombie up in the mix. Okay, so I'm going to tell to attack.

Okay, just one of the other works. Yeah, one of the ones that's on Death Storks, I bet he doesn't do much damage. Go ahead. 20 to hit, not neutral. Okay, he's gonna do three damage. That's just enough. He just sticks his hand through another orcs head.

Good zombie. Oh my brother, you're part of the party now. Hey. Good job, hit a chino. How do you keep it crisp? Do we have a zombie named Hit a Chin-o? For an hour we do, we buy a cup. I've got to start carrying a little zombie snack

so I can throw them little snacks when they do a good job. Brain-bith. Does he make a zombie by killing another one? I don't know, they had to get killed by my sports make one. Okay, okay. And that is the big beefy orcs turns. One of them is swimming away. He just keeps swimming.

Am I doing a good job, boy? I blow my whistle. Great work. You're gonna be ready for the intermediate medley. I am elite. I'm an elite swimmer. And he starts swimming faster. I'm just kicking so much.

He's really good. Hey, backstroke this time. All right. He turns around. He starts backstroke. He's really good. Hey, backstroke this time. All right. He turns around. He starts to make sure he's really loud. You see a shark eats him? Oh my god. Well, the other guy is going to take a swing at hard one

because he's being fresh. He's just pantsed hard one. He's going to swing his axe at hard one's bottom. He's freaking hot. He brutally hits you in the bottom. Of course. Slice is off your entire ass. Seven damage to your ass.

My ass. My ass? No, no, my ass. Oh, okay. Your ass is on the boat. Second swing. He misses your ass. He hits your pants, though.

And there's a whole. And then that is the two beefy boys below deck. And those beefy boys are just gonna charge in and attack. We're just gonna charge in and attack. We'll let one of the weenies use the horn. First guy goes at apple, obviously there's nobody else and hits both times. Yep, bring it on bitch.

25 damage but half so 12. Other guys swing twice any only hits once for 10 have to 5 and that is Beverly's turn all right where is my ass? Your ass is Above your legs and below your torso your ass ass your ass is running on the dock get it trying to get to the I guess on this turn your ass makes it to you with its full second dash actually. Alright, so you can't do anything.

Can't attack this turn, but he's there. Okay. I, you know, I brush his mane. Cool. You know what? I'll do a divine smite on just a whole slew of these little winters to try to cleave through them. Yeah. Cool. Go ahead.

Attack and see if you hit. Oh, that's a three plus eight. Eight. That's in. Eleven does not hit. Okay. Can I try another attack? One other orc blocks it with his axe. I'm good. I'm a good fighter.

Come on, be frilly. I've filled in such confidence. You've didn't. Just don't just don't go. I know that I can conquer the world. The real treasure is Learning confidence in yourself. I feel bad now. We have inspired him so All right, I take my second attack

That's a two but But your sword that you didn't ignite Shadow to the two crew shadow to this dude just owns you. Oh my god. He did it. Oh no. Shout out to the two crew. Shout out to the two crew. The two crew. This dude just owns you. Oh my God. He matrix, uh, bends back. And Boundor goes, uh, Beverly watched this. And he swings up the side guy.

And he crits. Oh my God. Laura. I'm horny and strong. Keep this game. Game sucks. 11 damage. So Boundor kills three guys. Oh my god.

He gets a second chance. I'm sorry, three guys. I guess I got a kiss this smoke more often. He does another swing. He misses the last one, though. And the back-eye blocks. That's good. The same guy.

No, yeah, different guy. Well, now I feel strong because I beat the guy who beat the guys. So now there's only two left, right? There's only two left. And one beefy guy, or is two left including the guy? And one beefy guy. And then that is those orcs turn purely out of spites. One of them is gonna attack the donkey.

And it's, oh, which HP does the dog have? Better watch your ass. Doggie's head gets chopped off. The mountain's stuck off. This is the brutally chops your doggie's head off. So funny. I don't know what I mean. It's so funny.

That was slow gold's ass. You son of a bitch. You so many dash axes to get over there. You sliced my ass. And then the other one is going sliced my ass! That's it. And then the other one is gonna try to slice Beverly's ass. And he hits. Wow, the upper ass is one turn.

10 damage. Two asses one turn. Oh my god. And then the guns go. So I'm gonna say once again, two of them go after each of you guys. First one, Mrs. Moon second one hits moonshine For 15 damage two of them go after Bev one of them hits

18 damage last two go after hard one one of them hits 21 damage. Damn. That's back around to hard one. You just got shot by a bunch of guns. Ow. Can I, man, the guns are no. They look like little like turret things. It would be, so I can't just take one in a minute and work.

You could try. Cool. Okay. Let's give it a shot. Yeah. Go ahead. Give me an intelligence check to see if you can figure out how this thing works. Do I have any intelligence? You definitely don't I sure don't that's a raw 13 then cool you go up you look at this gun

You can't make heads or tails of it. Can you please rip it out? Just attack it, right? Yeah, so do I have any other Actions you use your turn to try to attack the gun. Dang, can I take that again? That is the Chiefs turn. Apple, you're down there with the Chief. You see on the Chiefs turn, you see him grab this horn, run into the back room, slam the door. That is your turn, Apple. You've got two beefy boys, two regular orcs.

You kill the father and a son. How dare you? And the chief, just the chief, why am I calling the chief? The captain ran off to the captain's quarters. How many people are gonna get an attack of opportunity against me if I run off to the captain? Four. Then I'll take the opportunity attacks.

Fuck it, bring it. Oh! But now you can beat him to the door and stand in front of the door. Oh, like I'll say you're fast. I'll let you do like, and I'll pose athletics check to see if you can beat him to the door and stand in front of the door like I'll say you're fast I'll let you do like and oppose athletics check to see if you can like bust open the door as he's like closing it So he went before you so he ran to the door. He's like going to slam the door For guys get opportunity attacks the beefy boy crits and the other guy hits one guy hits two of them miss

22 damage half to 11 our brains are good. Yes And you just you run through this gauntlet of violence and you get back to the like captain's quarters in the back Go ahead and give me an opposed athletics check against this dude as he tries to close the door Great and I get advantage of that on that because I'm raging and I get advantage Oh, no That is a nat 20 Yeah, you know fucking bust through I just oh splinters. Yeah splinters around There's no door you fucking shoulder ram the door you tackle the captain you guys

You fucking shoulder ram the door, you tackle the captain, you guys roll into his quarters. He's got a nice little set up, it's got a nice little desk in it. Loathe, he turned on by this. For me, what is this? What is this? What is this? Does he mood board this?

That is moonshine's turn. Okay, I would like to use bonus action to shaleilay just to make sure that that base is covered. Look at one of the other weeners, the one of the small guys who's on DeathStore, kill another guy with my spores, make another zombie. Great, that man had a family. They're all related.

Well, honestly, they're gonna be all. Some of them are just brothers because like, the only choice is that you make. You choose to be a pirate. That's your choice. The Pirates life for you. Exactly. And then I'll know the song.

I'm going to go run downstairs and I'm going to attack the beefy guy. And the mental command I'm giving the zombies is to attack the guns. Oh, nice. Nice. We call you our zombies for the zords. Yeah. Okay. You run down stairs, Moonshine. You see these two beefy orcs and these two city orcs are looking back at Apple as Apple and the chief roll around fighting in his quarters like fighting over this fucking silver.

Okay, so I can't get to them in time to attack them. So instead of using an attack action, I'm going to cast my fourth level divination and say where on this ship is Ulfgar. You hear a whisper on the wind. The necklace. The necklace, so. He's trapped in a goddamn gym. No! Fucker! That is the bee.

Now I gotta go through this man's jewelry boxes. Jim. No! Fucker. That is the B. Now I gotta go through this man's jewelry boxes. That is... He's wearing a big red gem. Oh, that's true. Oh, I forgot about that. That is the B-feeble. Oh, we know the zombies go.

The zombies attack the guns. Okay, the zombies attack the guns. Roll, roll to hit the guns. Oh. And then we're gonna hit a 21. Yeah. And a 21. Yeah. And a five. The other one punches the gun and hurts a tanned.

And then one of them gets a six to the gun. You guys that are still up on the deck, see this thing punch a gun in some like plastic fall off of it. Nice, that would be great gun. Going for a mouth. You broke the scope. No, it's not the good ones. Go on, come on. Go on, come on. You broke the scope. The gun still looks fine.

Gun, by the way, no danger to anybody below deck. It's not he's punching the guns. That is the beefy boys turn. The one guy continues swimming. All right. How am I doing? Are you barely hearing at this point? Do you agree if at this point?

Doing great. If you keep swimming, I'll buy you a diet pepper. All right. Diet doctor pepper. Diet pepper and diet pepper. He laughs at you. Idiot. And then he keeps swimming away.

The other, oh boy, what are these, what are these beefies gonna do? I guess they'll run forward at moonshine. What's a beefie to do? What's a beefie to do? These two, the beefies below deck, sounds like such a good point. The brother's beefie. Beefies below deck.

One beefie hits on his first attack. A big six damage. The other one swings twice. Crits on one hit for 25 damage. Oh damn mercy. And then the last guy above deck is gonna go after hard one. He misses both times.

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promo code pop-off at checkout. That's birddogs.com slash pop-off or promo code promo code Papa for a free Yeti style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. Okay, that's it for me, go team pants and enjoy the show. That is Bev's turn. I guess there's one more beefy boy up here, one more beefy boy and one regular guy. Alright, I'm going to head towards the stairs and I'm going to swing it at beefy boy up here, one more Beefy boy and one regular guy. All right, I'm going to head towards the stairs and I'm gonna swing it at Beefy boy on my way.

Okay. 21 to hit, that does hit, okay? He has not been hit that much. All right, that's gonna be 15. 15? Yeah, he's pretty good. Oh, first hit. That's a 16 plus eight.

What's that gonna be? 24? Yeah, that hits. And that's 13 damage. Okay, he's on Death's Door, but he's still alive. All right, cool. And that's Balnor's turn. Balnor is going to try to help.

He's gonna take two swings at him. And he misses both times. That is the Weener orcs turn. There are two below deck. They're gonna go after Moon Shine, both swing. And both miss. That is the one above deck who's gonna go after hard one. You're rolled to that one, he misses big time.

You're ass is safe. That is the guns turn, three of them shoot at Bev, three of them shoot at hard one. I put my cheeks out, I'm begging for it. One of them rolled a one. You see it malfunction. It's probably because of all the zombies. There's only one zombie did it.

The one with zombie punch. That did it. That fucking did it. One hits, Bev. I catch the bullet with my cheeks. And it goes directly into your ass. No, for... I barf it out.

21 damage. Oh, no! Okay. That's rough. I'm at 6 HP. Jesus. Three guns go after hard one. Uh, that, that, that's just one hits.

They hit for a lot, though. Mm. You guys know Mario 3. It should'll fuck you up. 18 damage. Okay. I know that in Mario 3, they always shoot in a straight line and are easy to avoid Yeah, well you guys have just been running in a straight line. You didn't specify that you're taking

That is back around a hard one Okay, not gonna attack the gun anymore I am going to kick off my pants that the guy pants Rather than I am going to kick off my pants that the guy pants rather than the butt. What kind of underwear does part one wear? None. No, he does not. Noone from the waist down.

Yep. But the hell is wrong with you, man. Armor up top and noone from the waist down. I'm just going to swing it this guy. Okay. You're having a bad day. I don't know what to know. Oh!

But you're getting it up. No don't know if it's a number one. Oh! Wait, did you get a- No, we didn't get to get the roaches. Your ankles get caught up in the pants, and it just, they got just- What are you doing? Okay, I don't know if what are you doing again. Hold on!

I don't know what your pants are on, but- Turn around really quick, and I fluff myself just a little- Oh, just look at the blood going. Did you just- No, I didn't. it's a little cold outside and it looked like, now it looks a little bigger. Okay, now I'm gonna take a swig of the beer. Everything's fine, I have a good day.

27 to hit. 27 to hit. Okay, super hits. Obviously, you're going after the beefy boy? Yeah, we won't have to the beefy boy. Okay. 16 damage. You kill the beefy boy. Yeah, we won't have to be okay 16 damage you kill the beefy boy and his little buddy who he calls his little buddy I do I chop the head off of the beefy boy and then I

Wait I chop that off the other guy and I struggle the beefy boy with my penis It's just a terrible way to die This is you know she should really answer me. You son of a bitch. This is, I deserve all of this. He dies, you feel him gasping as your flashing is. I feel like.

That is back around to the captain who I said, because he got a nat 20 that you just like tackled him through the door, you guys are wrestling. So I will say he's going for the horn to blow the horn. I'll do another just straight up fucking wrestle check to see if you can stop him from doing that. Do I roll as well? You roll as well. So we'll do a strength, a post-strength check. Okay great.

And you're in a rage that you got advantage? I do get advantage. Got a wrestle check 2018. Only on advantage. I do get advantage. Wrestle check 2018. Only on paper. I got another not 20. Yeah. Yeah. You defeat him in wrestling and you pin his wrist down

that has the horn and he's kind of comically trying to blow into it. That's right, bitch. I'm also a semi professional wrestler. Ha ha ha. I feel like we could date if we weren't. Stop trying to turn me on because it's working. Do you see this? We could have this. We could sail together you and I. I'm not saying I'm not thinking about it. That is your turn, Apple. I would I would like to... Kiss the captain.

Think about it, you're even good. I'm thinking about kissing the captain. I'm not married. But first of all, I'm gonna crush this horn. I would like to attack the captain. Ooh, yeah! Yeah, go ahead and make an attack on it. Great. Shout out to the two crew.

Oh! Yes, second attack, bell rang. But I can have a second attack. 13? Yeah, since he's like, he's hanging onto it, so part of AC is like how hard it is to hit. So he is moving the horn around as you guys wrestle for it, you're swinging down your ax, just this whirlwind of violence,

but you do not hit the ax. That is moon chancer. I will smooch him a little bit, my man. Yeah. Oh, I don't know how to take this. He smooches you back. So who am I facing off against? So you've got two orcs down here, regular orcs, and two beefy boys. Two beefy boys. Two beefy boys. I'm going to quick report. Spores the apple and say, get the fucking necklace. That's where Ulfgar is. Oh, all right.

Um, then I'm going to spore one of the regular orcs. Okay, he is almost dead. Okay, and then- He's not dead, store. I am almost dead, so I am going to- I'm going to do a third level cure wounds on myself. Okay. Nice.

And then I'm gonna tell my zombies to come defend me. Okay, I think zombies have atrocious speed. 20 feet? Okay, so they use like a full 40 feet. A full 40 feet to come stand in front of me. Okay, they can get down to the entrance because you're already just at the door opening and they're kind of in the middle of the room down there.

These orcs zombies come down and join you and stand next to you. In front of me, in front of me. In front of you, they stand in front of you. Those were our brothers, not our actual brothers. Although that one that you just killed before, that was my actual brother, but these are just my friends. This is the pirate's or brotherhood.

And that is the beefy boys turn. They are not fooled. They are going to attack Moonshine. Damn. I'm sorry, I love my friends too much. Hits once. Thirteen damage Moonshine. So, okay, second guy takes two swings at you. Hits on one attack for eight damage. I'm down. Oh no! Uh, big beefy boy cuts moonshine down.

That is Beverly's turn. The other one swims even farther. Huh, remember when you said, Diet Pepper? Ha ha ha! A shark bites him. Oh, oh no! All right, keep swimming and just repeat after me.

My name is not Beeflea Slow Gold. My name is not Beeflea Slow Gold. My name is not Beeflea Slow Gold. Swims. I'm getting tired. He starts drowning. Oh yeah, you can go to shore now. Thanks.

I'm just, that guy goes on to just get a job and turn his life around. That's awesome. He's spared him in a way. He gets a job as a lifeguard. Yeah. All right. Let me know if I can do this.

As I'm running down, I want to cast Nature's Wrath on the steering wheel and just rip it out. You were running towards the back of the boat to get downstairs. Yeah. I kind of had like a moment where I was like, wait a minute. I've got an idea, I wanna do this and then keep running down.

What is the range on nature's wrath? 10 feet, 10 feet, you're gonna have to run back and not run to the... All right, stay above deck and fuck up the wheel or go below deck, it's up to you. I'm gonna double back and fuck up the wheel, so that they can escape. That's not that hard to just go up

and fucking sword the wheel, sorry, I will just allow you to do that. All right, I just go up and fucking sword the wheel. Sorry, I will just allow you to do that. All right, I just go up and fuck up the wheel. Right? See, there's not even any more orcs up here. You see, Ben, just hard on you. Just watch Ben run, start running towards the downstairs, run back, and then just starts fucking

feeding the wheel and shopping it up. I shot it hard one. It's so they can't leave. You want me to be like bring me back to life set a fight a wheel. I'm momentarily confused, but then I realize that my penis is fully out. So like, I'm not any smarter.

Can I use my bonus action to just misty step to like the foot of the stairs? Oh, you can, so then going back 30 feet, the other way you can essentially get back where you were in the middle of the boat. Sure, just to like cool, give myself a little more time. Sweet, so you use a bonus action, you essentially get back where you were in the middle of the boat. Sure, just to like cool give myself a little more time. Sweet, so you use a bonus action you get back to where you were.

Cool. So next turn you'll be able to get downstairs and throw something. Nice. Uh, Balnor is still at the front of the boat. He was fighting dudes. He is going to run forward pants. One of the dead orcs throw a pair of pants to hard one. Cover up their bud.

I let them fly over the side of the foot. I mean, he's going totally miss him. He takes a full run action and gets to like the front of the door, but he doesn't make it downstairs yet. That is the Weiner Orcs turn. Who's down there? Okay, so it's just Apple down there. So there's two guys left, one's on Death's Door.

The two Orcs are gonna run and They're just gonna attack you while you're wrestling with Captain. I'll let you decide right now Do you want them to attack with advantage and you're still wrestling with the captain or do you want to let go? Attack me with advantage Yeah, you should just keep strangling. Yeah, I'm leaving anyway I wish they'd just keep strangling. Yeah, you might die, I'm leaving anyway. You're a guest of, baby. Ah, what did you just say?

I'm gonna say it. Is that why you're kissing me and dying? Ah, ah, ah. Only one guy hits. Great. For just eight damage. So just four damage. Jesus, my bearing's a good.

Oh, man. And then it is the gun's turns. Three of them shoot at, hard one, three of them shoot at Beverly. Two of them shoot at... Hard one, three of them shoot at Beverly. Two of them hit hard one. First one hits for 12. Oh, I'm gonna die. It's in a bad job.

I'm already dead. I have 53 hit, please. One damage. On 20 damage, total. Yeah. Okay. And then the other three go at Beverly. Two missed, but one crits.

Oh, so I'm probably dead. 15 damage. You don't have to keep rolling them down. Okay, so Bev gets shot by Mini Cannon and goes down. Bev goes down. That is bound or stuff. Y'all remind us we have no healers and no potions. We got my amulet, so.

Oh, that's true. Back up to hard one. Tell me if I can do this. Okay. We have no healers and no potions. We got my amulet, so. Oh, that's true. Back up to hard one. Tell me if I can do this. Okay. Rather than run to the stairs, just jump over the side of the boat. Do sort of like a monkey bar on the side of the boat and kick through a portal into the Bullo Deck. I'll let you do like a strength check to do that.

Okay. Well done. 21 do that. Okay. Well done. 21. 21. Great. So hard one, you're able to kick through the portal, you get down there. I'm going to say that's going to be your full movement. But yeah, you see Moonshot on the ground.

These two big orcs over her. And you hear a crazy fight coming from the captain's quarters. Can I put on my goggles real quick and do, and use my second wind? Just take that to the HV back. Go ahead. You should put the goggles over your genitals. Another good. Second wind.

OK, that is the captain's turn. Captain is still wrestling with Apple. Go ahead, give me your strike check. 22. You win again. You're still a bit just raging and pinning this dude down. All these two smaller orcs just cutting at your back. You're being beaten by a girl just to put a lantern on this. I don't have a problem with that. I feel like that's good because that's hot also that you don't have a problem with that. I feel like we're all equal. That's good because that's also the idea of how we're all equal. I know at all, I'm just kind of progressive like that.

Super well-captured. You want to get it? Bet you're hard on you here, this confusing conversation. I'm going, so many weird couples this trip. Apple, that is you. You are wrestling with the captain. You've got two orcs on your back.

Uh-huh. Two beefy boys on the other room, and you just heard your friend kick through a portal. Well, I'm gonna try and rip this necklace off his neck. Just ripping a necklace off, I'll just let you do that as an action. Oh great, then I'm gonna do that. You rip the necklace off his neck.

Oh, please don't take that. Oh, I'm gonna get so much trouble if you take that fucking tough titty That is moonshine start to be a death saving throw Fail that's a fail. Hmm one in the fail column for moonshine. Okay. Okay. Let's everybody be careful here everybody That is right together. She's not die on VK. There's two beefy boys are gonna rush out and go after hard one. Hits once. 13 damage.

All right. Other guy takes two attacks and he hits both times. 15 damage. Okay, I'm fucked up, but I'm all right. Okay, that is back up to Beverly, give me a death saving throw. Do I get to add my bonus to this? Yeah, you get plus four and saving throws.

Okay. Oh boy, it'll be good if the Balnor can drag you near Moonshine, he can, let's say, nine. Nine, that's a fail. Nine, that's a fail. Okay. Okay, that's one fail. That is Boundour's turn. Boundour, on his turn, is going to run out, grab Beverly,

and drag him back towards the stairs. Actually, you know what, he'll use the amulet to, because he was at half health, because he got, he got attacked at one point. He goes back up to full. Great. So Boundour's good. He drags you. As long Great. So Balnor's good. He drags you.

As long as Balnor's about it. Guns can't hit anybody now. That is hard one's turn. Where is Beverly? So you've just kind of broken into the middle of the room below deck. Bev is like at the door upstairs between the upper deck and the lower deck. Alright so I guess I'm just waiting for Bev to get down. I'm gonna I'll swing at the beefy boys.

Okay. Bev is down. But I have the amulet which is more important than Beverly. So yes I'm waiting for the amulet to come out. I think that's what we're all thinking right? Beverly is the amulet. We're all thinking, right? Yeah. Definitely is the amulet. That was the 19 hit, the first beef boy. That hits. I'm gonna hit the beef boy for 10. Okay.

We'll take my second attack on beef boy. 21 hit. That hits. For 11. Okay. And he's not dead. He's pretty fucked up, but he's not dead. That is the captain's turn.

Captain is still wrestling with Apple, not letting him go. He is going to try a little diplomacy, and he goes, I know you and your friends are fucked up. Me and my friends are fucked up. You give me back that necklace. I call them off. We're done. Fuck off. Yes. Strike check, it gots the... A true boob. He're done. Fuck off. Yes.

Strike check. It gots a true boob. He rolled a fucking that one. There's nothing big. Oh yeah, I mean I got nothing big. I definitely beat a net one. He, in the middle of his attempt at diplomacy, he squeals as you pin him back to the ground. He splashes head against the wall. That is your turn, Apple.

Great. You've got this. You've got this. Do I have these two other guys behind me? Still are they? Yeah. They're still focused. No, there's two like little weener orcs. One is on desk door, one is perfectly healthy, but they don't have a lot of HP. Two big guys in the other room with hard one. Can I put my great sword to the neck of the captain and yell out, all of you put down your weapons or your captain is dead Go ahead and make an intimidation check It's intimidating to me That's a nine

And nine you hear the captain yell don't do it the fight's pretty close right now I think we can still win this voice All right, then can I attack him? Yeah, go ahead. Great. 18. 18 hits. Great. 18.

OK. And then do I get another attack or so? Yeah, you do. Great. That is also 18. 18 hit, got it. 12. 12 damage.

He is quite, quite hurt. That is Mochai and. Moonshine, give me another death saving throw. Another fail. Two fails from Moonshine. Okay. I feel like maybe this might be the end of Moonshine. No. No. I have one more turn and if I fail then it's the end of Moonshine. That is the beefy boys turns. There you go after a hard one. I really hope you both miss. Give us back the necklace and you can live. One guy misses twice. Other guy hits once. This is so crazy.

13 damage. I'm down. Oh, okay. Should have taken the deal. That is. Bev's turn. Death saving throw. All right. That's all. Oh, with your thing, you though, you pass. Yes. That's 7 plus 4 is 11. 11. Cool. That's one and that's the same. One and a seven. Very cool. That's 7 plus 4 is 11 11 cool. That's one and that one in the savoury cool That's it. All right good God Boundorse turn Jesus bounders in over his head. What are we gonna do if we have a live show in moonshine is dead?

Super weird if we make it through this. This is kind of weird. I'm never asking boundars to do anything again Bounder will never hold a bag. No. Okay. You bagged for no man. Alright. Balnor is going to drag Bev down the stairs. It's not that far.

He gets down there. See is that Bev is kind of stabilizing a little bit on his own. His breathing is better than Moon Shine. Moon Shine is dying. He needs to roll a 10 or higher to stabilize her. He has a plus zero to his god, I'm so nervous. Ha ha. He rolls a 13.

Yeah. Ha ha. There's no name. In the name of love. I like didn't even want him to, because I don't like this whole foul-lover moonshine thing. It was a huge reference. Well, no, no, no, no, no. Balnor, not being creepy about it, things are serious, he stabilizes moonshine.

Okay, so that is the two orks now who are gonna swing do you want to let go the chief or the captain or Fuck it bring it on. I've still got 53 hit points. Nice first guy hits Seven damage that's that's already have didn't even care. It's already have to follow the boom statin vacation It would be way too fitting. Yeah, that's a harder fight than Mary Bell It would be way too fitting. Yeah, that's a harder fight than Maribol. We have bad luck on boats. And the other guy does five damage. Jesus, things are dire.

That's hard ones turn. Deaths saved. Deaths saved. Deaths saving throws. 17. Cool, that's one in the positive column. Then that is the captain still going for that horn wrestling with Apple.

Apple, give me a strength check. Feeling horny. It's a horny episode. Oh, horny. That is a 26. He had a 20 and I thought he was going to beat you fine because he does not. That is your turn, Apple.

This captain is fucking so extreme, super hurt. I mean, I'm going to hit him. Go for it. I'm sorry to do this because like, do genuinely find you very attractive. That is a nat 20. Oh, I broke it. Kill your lover.

Kill your lover. I will allow you to cleave through onto these other guys, so roll your damage. Okay, great. I'm imagining sort of like a burst action where you swing, you jump back and swing through him and continue your swing. 29. She kills everybody on the boat, right?

Wow. You kill all three of those guys in that room. You kill the soul. That's so good. Ah, bull. Ah, bull. Ah, bull. Ah, bull.

I might be dead. Moonshine, you are stabilized, but I think you're just at two points, but you're you're still alive That is the big guys turns There's still beefy boys. There's still two beefy boys. They have not gotten taken out. They I miss a turner I'm after them you're after that. Okay, so they are going to each take two shots at Belmore You're right. He hits once on Belnor. Belnor's having a day.

Belnor just got back up to full HP though, right? Yes, but he just took 16 damage. So he is not playing with the horn. Don't you dare mess with the horn, you dad. The other guy is swing twice, and he hits once. Belnor is at 3 HP. Okay, that is Beverly's turn. Bav giving me a death saving throw.

Come on buddy. Wait, I got a one but I get to reroll that don't I? Are you really happening? Jesus Christ! You would have been dead. That's yeah right right to fail. Oh, okay, okay. All right, I get to reroll it. It's a roll roll on. Okay, that's an 11 plus 4. That was actually 2-1.

So that's 2 saves. Oh boy, you guys are killing me. Wait, would I have gotten to add plus 4 to that one though? Or would that have just snowed have just no that one is automatically Two fails He bound or turn what is bound or gonna do oh? Bound or still has his action string and shit. Um, he did look at the amulet already That's how he got up. He does have second wind still

Bound or is just gonna fucking go all out and try to hit as many of these beefy boys as possible one of them's been hit a couple times He does hit. He does seven damage. We'd have ever thought. To this guy takes another swing and he hits. And he does 11 damage. This one guy is on Deaths Door, action surge. Going again, misses on the first attack.

Bound, crits on the second attack. Go, dad! Bound or dead. Daddy! Jesus, guys, that's so fucking nervous. Um, he, with the crit, he still only does seven damage, but he kills one, and he does three damage to the other guy who's still looking pretty healthy, but he's the only guy left.

So it's only one or left. It's, it's Bound or on Death's door. One or left. Apple looking pretty hurt. I'm so healthy. I have body one hit point. That is. It's not like a nice holiday. Hard one. That's your turn. Death's saving throw. Eight. Eight. That's a failure.

What are you at? Is it one fail? One fail, one success. Okay. Okay, that is Apple's turn. Oh wait, do I get the, I guess it doesn't matter. I mean, I'm gonna go fuck up this last beefy boy. Okay, yeah, cool. That's being true to Apple. I got a 19.

That hits. And a 17. Are you doing two attacks? Yes, okay. You missed on the second one, but you hit on the first one. All right. Guys, I'm like nervous. Yeah, this is a 7, 12, 13.

Stick a turn. That is Moon Shine's turn. She is at 0. That is strong, but people don't heal us. The beefy boys turn who's gonna swing on Balnor. He misses on the first attack, but he hits on the second attack. Balnor goes down. Shhh, that's a bad one.

That's a bad one. Apple. That is just this guy, once again, this guy and Apple, but back up to hard one for a dead saving throw. Don't do it again. Do I get Bebs 4 right now or no? Yeah, you're close enough that you get the 4. Just don't roll a 1. If you...

I rolled a 10. Okay, that's good. I got a 10. Plus 4. That's a 10. That's another save, so you got two saves. That is Apple's turn. Good work.

I mean, I'm gonna attack again. Go ahead. First attack is 17 misses, right? Okay, misses. I missed again. Go ahead. First attack is 17 misses, right? Okay, misses. I missed again. Jesus. Swing and miss twice. This guy takes, it's just two fucking barbarians

going at each other. Oh. Hits once. 14 damage half to seven. Okay. Bebs turn, Beb, have you done all your dead saving throws? Um, I have two successes in one failure. Okay, go ahead, roll again.

What's that? 16 plus four. You stabilize, or backup to zero. All right. Woo! Nice, zero. That is Balnor's turn. Balnor gets plus because he's near Bev, he passes one.

That is back around to hard one, hard one, Deathsave. 16, baby. 16. You are at your table-outs. Yeah, all right. That is Apple. Fucking, you know what I'm gonna do. All right, that is a 19.

There we go. There it is. And that is a very big 24. 24, those are the numbers. He's on Death's Door, he's so hurt. Wait, no, that was the second, sorry, the second attack was 24. Got it, okay, go ahead.

I haven't done mine. Got it. 15 on the first one. Okay, he's very hurt. And then nine on the second one. He is at one HP, on the first one. Okay, he's very hurt. And then, 9 on the second one. He is at 1 HP. Stop, man! Are you kidding me?

Dear me. Jesus Christ. Sweet Lord. It's two swings at a... He misses both times. Yes. Fuck you, man. All the five in a three.

God. I mean, it was a good fight. I'm pirate appreciates a good fight. You can run away. I could. Yo, oh, yo, well, you let me limp away. You could swim away. It's actually it is, oh wait, no, okay, it's bound or turn. Bound or gets a 10 because of Bev's thing. So that's another positive. But now it's your turn Apple. You know, if you can give me a bunch of healing potions for these people, I will let you get away.

We don't have healing potions aboard, but that horn summons ghosts of weird warrior guys. You can just fucking have it. I don't care. I just want to get out of here. Well, well, then I'm gonna kill you and just take you away. Why would you kill me? This is what about Pirate's Honor? You're a Pirate, you're a brave woman. I'm a Pirate! You're a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! You're a Pirate! You're a Pirate! No, I'm a Pirate!

You're a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! You're a Pirate! You're a Pirate! No, I'm a Pirate! You're a Pirate! I'm a Pirate!

I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate!

I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I'm a Pirate! I take my sword and I put it through his ribcage, so he's like hanging from the low mast. Jesus, you brutally end this last guy. Apple, you are just in a room of carnage. All of your new friends are totally knocked out. Balnor will actually do another death save, and he fails. Oh, so now you can try to stabilize him if you would like. Yeah, I will try and stabilize, because everybody else is stable, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so go ahead and do a raw wisdom check to bring Balnor back.

17? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Oh, no. Apple, you're in this room with a bunch of dead orcs and unconscious adventurers and you've got this crazy red gem. Yeah, I'll prop them up and I'll guide them while they take a short rest. Yeah, so you see that there are, there's a room that's like kind of the captain's quarters

that you were fighting the dude in. You see there's a bed in there, there's a little desk with a lantern by it, there's a treasure chest, and there's a desk with like an open letter on the desk, and the other room is like a bunch of bunks. Okay, great. Well, I mean, the captain's bed looks pretty comfy, right? I just drag everybody in. One big dead.

One big dead. One big dead. One big dead. One big dead in One big dead one big dead one big dead Apple fucking drag of these unconscious adventures into bed and That's where we'll end our session Well and that's where we'll end our session. Jesus Christ. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh, got it. Shabbong. We'll have a nom next week because things are not done.

Ow. Oh boy, guys. That was, I was so fucking nervous. I'm just glad that I chopped up that steering wheel. Clearly the right decision. What would have happened if the steering wheel worked? Listen, the short rest. To find all the info.

Well, we find out that the steering wheel was actually the most powerful demon on the boat. That hurt. Oh my goodness. The steering wheel was a suck you both. That hurt. It would have sucked any of us off. My goodness.

I'm so glad that I stopped him from blowing that horn. Yeah, yeah. That would have been so bad. It would all be dead. Yeah, it's interesting. We would have been ghosts. Yeah. It's crazy that some of those encounters,

like there's a different version where you guys are just like, fuck this upper deck, let's all run downstairs. The guns are no longer a thing, but it takes a long time to parse that out and they just kept fucking hitting. The guys kept creating, that was tougher than the Maribal fight, not by design. It just was really fucking hard.

I was crazy. I was crazy. Both these sessions that we just recorded back to back, I rolled dogs. Yeah, yeah. Jesus. It was. It was. Yeah, yeah. Jesus. Shivon stole all our good rolls. Yeah, I really got a lot of that to eat.

In a way that was like, it feels like I'm cheating. You know, to the, I just had so many in a row. And I truly was not, I just was like, I'm definitely gonna start using those days. My days are absolutely have a feeder now. You wrestling the captain was such a good thing to do because his thing was going to be that, we'll talk about this more on the short rest,

but he was gonna close himself in that room, blow the horn, and then wait with like these warrior spirits. But the fact that you rolled a nat 20 allowed you to just like tackle him through the door. Man, yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Apple.

Thank you, Apple. Jesus, I'm so excited. We're all wearing Apple jerseys. That should be an emerged door by the door. Man, yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Apple. Thank you, Apple. Jesus, that's so much nonsense. We're all wearing Apple jerseys. That should be in our merch store, by the way. Apple, never played in a barbarian before, and this is making me like, oh, I get it. This is pretty fun. I don't have to worry about remembering what spells I have.

I can just get to fucking fuck shit up. You don't have to do anything cooler, clever. You can just be good. Okay, guys, thanks so much for listening. Check us out over at the short rest on Patreon, patreon.com slash nadpod, that's NADD, POD, don't sing yet. Buy me an Emily's book, it's called Hey You Up, how to turn your booty call into your emergency contact,

get it on Amazon or Audible. Call it well, how can people watch Big City Greens? You can get it on Amazon or iTunes, new episodes, not new episodes. Reruns of the new episodes are airing on Disney XD right now. Sweet, I guess you can just think about new episodes that are coming in the future and get excited about them.

And of course, listen to if I were you, follow all of us, including Shivon on Twitter at Vorny Tom is Shivon at Jekr which is Jake Adi-Axard is Emily at call the is called well at CH-Murph is me and tweet about the show using hashtag nad pod that's N-A-D-D-P-O-D We are we are the youth of the nation, we are we are the youth of the nation. Everyone's too scared to say. We are the youth of the nation. I'm truly don't know what the rest of this song is. One big bed. We are the youth of the nation.

We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation.

We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. We are the youth of the nation. Council of Elders starting with Matthew M. The Bullywug Prince. Smile is so bright you have to roll a con saving throw to not be blinded by it, has a hard time making friends. Jo N. The lover of Lucy turned the fiancée of Lucy.

Before Snot's lot got a hold of off-gar, Jo actually gifted the Magic Gem necklace to Lucy. They ended up returning it when they found out there was a little dwarf in it though. Brad D, the only pebble pot that isn't Craven, took Denny out trick or treating when he was a kid, only for Denny to run away at the site of the first monster costume. It was a baby dressed as Mike from Monsters Inc. J. Loma-72, aka Steelbreaker, hard one's gym inspiration. For Steelbreaker, every day is leg day.

The only reason the rest of his body is so built is because there's no more room for muscles on his legs. In Dru A, aka Feldspar Ligart in the half-elf, that's half-elf, half-centor, which I guess makes him half-elf, quarter-human, quarter-horse? It's confusing, but goddamn he looks good. Taylor Poppa, the sixth, a legendary bard to whom no item isn't an instrument, once played a concherto on Snot's yacht using only a turtle shell and two toothpicks. Dylan B, a super weak wizard who wields 12 swords and struggles. The confusing part is that he can

confidently wield 6 swords, which is impressive enough just like put down some of the swords, dude. Simon W, the bootleg of Hard One Soft Loss, has tiny calves, a smooth face, and wears six layers of Mormon underwear, has never been panced because he wears too many pairs of pants. Dady P, Bohumi is resident artist. Paided Hard One Senior Portrait at the Dwarfinnage,

had to paint Hard One twice because as Hard One put it, he didn't get the quads right. Some have been saying that Hard one had his quads enhanced, but I won't add to that rumor. Tom P, father of the realm, a serenader of sleeping babies can sing a baby to sleep with the skill of a legendary bard and cradle them with the strength of an equally legendary bard who is also super jacked. Spencer Caskbrew, patron elder of libations, ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia alike, brewed an ale so powerful that it was able to get Ulfgar drunk in one sip, has

since stopped making it after Ulfgar drunk and destroyed the bar. Pedro E, barter the mow and sang songs that wooed a pensive young hard one short foot to sleep, as well as several songs on the Tony Hawk 3 soundtrack. Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonritch knight and owner of the Badger's pint in in tavern. Griffin should be happy to know that I used this tavern name in a D&D one shot I did for Emily's family this weekend. Thank you Griffin.

Beard Man Dan, weirdly enough, doesn't have a beard. It's one of those things like when he called a big guy tiny, Beard Man Dan's face is so smooth, a halfling would slip on it, we're one to step on his cheek. Scott D, patron saint of the two crew, bestows all of us with bad luck, but not the worst luck possible, and for that we are grateful. Aaron C, outlifted Alonus in a powerlifting competition, Alonus is a wizard, so it's not that huge of an accomplishment, but still pretty cool that he technically beat one of the legendary heroes. Hermes W, the bad king.

Hermes was a mere bad prince till the tragic death of their bad father compelled them to take the bad throne. I guess that's just Batman, huh? T. Alex dances at a nightclub and smugglers bounty while they save up money for cleric school. Good luck, T. Alex. Parker E, recently snuck onto a boat party on Snot's Lot, where they almost won the trapped in a gem Ulfgar necklace in a game

of strip poker. R.J.W. is Apple Scrumper's manager who suggested she take mudboarding to the next level and even secured her very first sponsor field Jordans. Spartas, the giant politician who's misshandling of the giant crisis led to the giant wars, Spartas' God-of-use diplomacy. Adam R runs the daycare at Smuggler's bounty frequently mistakes halflings for lost children. Brent B, total honest magic, not wizard magic though, the magic of Disney, which is also a popular theme park in Bahumia.

Disney Bahumia is identical to Disney Orlando, except it doesn't have a frozen ride yet. Cassandra MHP is a wild magic sorcerer who got in too deep with the criminal underground in Esri and is currently in hiding as a friendly raven sidekick. Matt C, Maddie Big Krits, Matthias of House Crit, has already spawned several heirs who are all crumbling under the pressure to live up to such big crits. Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Danielle is so dastardly they'll build an upper, upper deck on your toilet just to upper, upper deck you. You see, aka, Halder Frostback, MVP of the Giant Wars, Crude on the SS Stormborn and fought alongside Elias and Red. A barbarian warrior from the frigid north who taught Ulfgar how to snowboard, and currently possesses the high score for the snowboard video game in Spuggler's Bounty,

uses MVP as their initials. Many the mundane, accidental deity who got in the way of a lichest spell to reach divinity. If someone goes to sneeze in Bohemia, but no sneeze comes out, it's customary to say, many bless you. Daniel U, aka MULTIFOR, the owner of a sweet boat that sounds like Gilbert Godfrey, the owner of a sweet boat that sounds like Gilbert Godfried. Also owns a sweet car that sounds like Joe Pesci. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, can take a high-elves music box

and turn it into Bohumius song of the summer. Jeffrey S, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword, sworn to the horde and wearing jorts. Xavier C runs a pet store and glater on an accidentally kept momaw as a novelty possum for about two years before a green teen pointed out that she possessed an intellect beyond the normal possum. Cutter W, a high-elf-dandy turned-cric bark-a-techt, was just commissioned to break ground on the

cricks first stump hotel. This thing is going to be so big they're actually going to use a full-life tree. Lex S, a legendary executioner who despises authority, regularly decides to decapitate the king who gives the death sentence. It's insane they ever get hired given their resume. John S, aka, super the mushroom, once ate a tiny piece of his own head and had the best trip of his life. James B, legendary Bohumi in Ballerina, wears a tutu that has 25 AC. Ryan M. The original guardian at the dwarf image used to lead the kids in gleeful songs and made

them feel loved. Hard one was dropped off at Iron Deep the day he retired, unfortunately. Alaina C. Owned a cool invisibility cloak. She once used it to spy on Gladwell's L when he was in the bathroom and he took a shit and didn't wipe. Andrew M. A horny Crick elf who just opened a bar

called the Time Out bag, and it's where everyone in Bohemia goes when they're super thirsty. Ricky, aka, tricky Ricky of the Crickie, recently broke up with his girlfriend because she was very nitpicky. He's thinking about downloading Tinder on his speaking stone, but he's a little nervous he's gonna see his ex.

It's a whole thing. Andrew R, the tow gold financial planner, has personally helped Beverly's family acquire their third and fourth summer homes. Cannibalistic Cthulhu eats every humanoid in Bahumia but isn't interested in cabaccis, once licked skullis and just wasn't into it. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, heard that hard one likes novelty-sized beers and just put in an order for a huge glass shape like a boot.

Blitzbrig Dmitri, famous d'Orers who owns and runs the beloved franchise dorgers big borgers. You can supersize your order at dorgers big borgers. Victor T. Bowneur's boy whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. Bowneur was going to take him camping the weekend he disappeared and Victor legit sat outside on a stoop with a fishing rod and napsack and waited it was straight out of a sitcom. Henry A. Dude had a threesome with the saders and afterwards they revealed themselves as suck you by but Henry just fucked him again. Penfield, the boy king's dermatologist, to try as he might he just couldn't get rid of the kid's acne but he was able to do wonders for his back knee.

Colin G. Once beat Ulfgar in an arm wrestling match, Ulfgar was drunk and asleep when it happened, but still. Lance W, a master of all weapons, except the Lance. He's practicing a lot though, and he's gotten a little better. This morning though, he stepped on his lance and it bounced up and hit him in the face like a cartoon rake, it was hilarious. Just in I, the scoop master,

whether it's ice cream, gnomes, or raisin-based cereals, just in just can't and won't stop scooping. Caleb, the fifth seal of Bohumet, the demon of the ring, whose name is fire incarnate, born of tooth and scale. They are the bright hammer of justice. Also they drive a totally tricked-out Toyota Camry. Clayton M. the geometry wizard. They travel across the land, teaching children the difference between a cylinder and cone-shaped spell.

Luckily, they are immune to spitballs. TJM, aware of who's been trying to quit eating livestock. They were six months clean, but unfortunately, just fell off the wagon. Well, the goat fell off the wagon and then TJ caught it and then ripped it to shreds. That had starts tomorrow, am I right? The Poissonole, the only French person in all of Bohemia.

Everyone is extremely confused by their accent, but do admit that it makes them sound sexier. Jacob C. O'Rogue, who also happens to be a giant, admittedly not very good at sneaking, but is just killer when it comes to dexterity checks. I once saw them assassinate the target by summer salting over them. Elena M.

Once Pete Il set in a fiddle competition, but instead of winning a golden Fiddle, Alaina asked Il said to open a mutual fund full of short-term, high-yield investments in their name, Bahumi is first and only trillionaire. Gone off has gone off the deep end. In the annual Smuggler's Bounty High Dive competition, they did a jackknife that was so sick and even impressed the water elemental. Mick Pucks, the code master who is tirelessly working to build our website, Mick Pux altered

the fabric of the Matrix to create an infinite slider glitch, now they're living in the Kobe Zone 24-7. Earl E is never late, always early, but they always help you set the table, so it's actually not a big deal at all. Dylan B, a daring gambler who once played Blackjack with the deck of many things they lost of course, but they did get a plus one to strengthen out of the deal so net gain really. Jive G, why complicate things?

Jive is just full time crushing it, enough said. Corbin A, a crow who wanted to be hard one sidekick but got lost on their way to the crick, currently tempering with a necromancer but not totally feeling it. Atlas Storm Reaper commands the currents and controls the weather still has some trouble with Norristers, but they're working on it. Jostritch, the jock ostrich aka the world's only swole bird, their neck is way too thick to stick in a whole camera and mcEe, a wizard with a photographic memory and a photographic body, they blind their opponents with their flash bulb eyes and then commemorate the occasion

by pooping out a polaroid. That's it for this week guys. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you to our Patreon subscribers and thank you to all of our listeners. Catch us over at the short rest on Patreon. We'll catch you guys next week. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Goodbye. That was a HATEGOM podcast. That was a Hitgun podcast.