Not Another D&D Podcast - Ep. 32: The Getaway (The Cutthroat Chronicles with Siobhan Thompson)

Episode Date: September 13, 2018

The Band of Boobs meets a powerful new foe and attempts to escape Smuggler's Bounty with their lives! Moonshine pulls off some Nightcrawler-esque shenanigans, Beverly goes smite for smite, an...d Hardwon rocks a new pair of skinny jeans. Siobhan Thompson joins us as "Field Elf" Barbarian Apple Scrumper! Support us at Patreon.com/Naddpod to get access to the after-show and a bunch of other Naddpod content!Music / Sound Effects Include:"Seagulls" by Dobroide at Freesound.org."Sea Waves" by Owl at Freesound.org."Akararot's Letter" by Emily Axford. "Behold! Treasure" by Emily Axford."Escape From Smuggler's Bounty" by Emily Axford."Invisible But Not Invincible" by Emily Axford."Shock at the Dock" by Emily Axford. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:01:41 Bahumi. Oh yeah. I'm your dungeon master, Brian Murphy joined by Jake Herwet. Hard one, surefoot. Emily Axford. Moonchan Sabin. Unapologetically unconscious. And Carl Doltan.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Beverly Toggle the Fifth. Harazantla's Heck. And... Shivon Thompson. You bring the noise, I bring the cows. MVP. MVP. MVP. MVP. MVP. MVP. That's right. Apple is the only one conscious right now.
Starting point is 00:02:15 I'm not out with this MVP stance for most vertical person. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That was really good. I know the mic is mounted in the table, but see if you can drop it somehow. I'll just drop the table. That's sweet. Somebody pointed out on the Patreon that we shouldn't have been giving people Bev's Plus 4 bonus on the saving throw. Yeah, sorry about that, but we'd all be dead. Which is why we've decided to start off this episode with all of us rolling dead saving throw. So, which is why we've decided to start off this episode with all of us rolling dead saving throws.
Starting point is 00:02:48 And just see if any of us die now. With this advantage to punish ourselves. Nobody likes these characters, it's fine. We're gonna retcon the living. No, it's okay. Pelor loves me the most, and he gave me a special bonus for being a very good boy. Like the first rule of D&D is that the DM is always right.
Starting point is 00:03:07 The mistakes that hurt you guys and the mistakes that help you guys end up balancing themselves out. I agree. Like I'm pretty sure I even had the orc guy, the captain, do a dash action without taking a disengaged. So you guys should have got a little opportunity. Let's redo the whole. The last week. You know what? The last week doesn't count.
Starting point is 00:03:29 All right. You just started a new campaign fresh. Open evening, moonstone. I'm playing as Josh. Me too. Josh the cobalt and just the cobalt and just the cobalt. And Shivon Thompson as Josh the cobalt and Josh the cobalt and Josh the cobalt and Shivan Thompson as Josh the cobalt Man my penis is so big. Can we do a good was Josh hung? No, I believe porn the the wizard the wizard had the hog But Josh had a beefy ass. I would I would also like dad that I believe called old names him porn
Starting point is 00:04:04 And it's stuck baby and it stuck I guess That's a Wikipedia page An ad pod wiki. Oh speaking of uh websites. Yes. Nad pod has a website you guys can buy merch Go to nad pod comms here. Yeah upcoming shows of which there's only one And it's sold out so it's a little bit useless like now. But I'll be more in the future. You can listen to the episodes on that website. And there's just got some fan art.
Starting point is 00:04:30 There's also a very important link on that website to our merch store. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. We got a bunch of shirts in there. I was gonna say we have a bunch of swords in there. That would be awesome.
Starting point is 00:04:40 We should start doing a tour. You should get that so dangerous. So, Gemma and Hardshine. We find the third party seller that sells weird shit. It's kind of weird. What about just some actual psychoactive mushrooms? We silly. We should silk road our website.
Starting point is 00:04:57 But the site is nadpod.com. That's right, the URL was available. Alright guys, let's do a recap. So, last week, you guys continued your adventure in Pirates Bounty, aka Secret Pirate Casino Island. You had learned from a drunken pirate named Yarn that a crew led by Orc Captain Jeremiah Snot had found Ulf Gar after his fall from your airship
Starting point is 00:05:21 and was planning on trading him to a rich buyer with connections to the nine hells. You tried to sneak aboard the ship, but were caught. You tried to talk your way out of fighting, and it almost worked, until hard one tried to sneak. Alas, minute peak, into a porthole, and pissed off the captain. After a tense stare down, you guys fought the pirates.
Starting point is 00:05:44 Snot's tricked out yacht, came equipped with mini cannons, grease traps, and more than a few pirate minions. During the fight, Munchine used a divination spell to locate Ulfgart and found out that he was trapped in a gem necklace being worn by the captain. By the end of the fight, everyone was knocked out, except for Apple, who successfully defeated the captain and the last pirate standing. Apple threw her new unconscious friends into the captain's bed to rest and that's where
Starting point is 00:06:12 we are. Guys, I just realized what if we have to go to an eccentric jeweler to get a whole car out? We got to go to Renee. We got to go to the CEO Del Toro. Yeah. All you guys need to do is go to the rich part of Esri and go to a Jared. Right. And you can get off Garopp.
Starting point is 00:06:30 So Apple, your friends are knocked out in bed. Mm-hmm. They're going to need to complete a short rest before they're conscious. Great. You are in the captain's corners. Of the ship, the captain is dead on the ground next to a silver war horn. That is tough to say with my Jersey accent, war horn. Wah-hawn.
Starting point is 00:06:53 A long favorite movie about a horse. Along with two other orc corpses, you have the necklace containing off-guard. I don't know if you're wearing it. It's kind of up to you what you'd like to do with it. It feels like a cursed object. My intelligence is pretty low, but I don't know if you're wearing it. It's kind of up to you. What you'd like to do with it. It feels like a cursed object. My intelligence is pretty low, but I don't think it's so low that I'm gonna put a cursed object or am I? Or is it a magical amulet that would give you the power and appearance of Ulfgar?
Starting point is 00:07:15 Don't listen to Beverly. Oh, it's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. It's been a long time. Beverly's just unconscious. You guys, the band of boobs are just unconscious saying bad ideas.
Starting point is 00:07:27 It hurts. It hurts. Punch the guns. Take the necklace to a jeweler. Founders like we should stay above deck with the guns. Apple has to be like wondering if we're actually her friends at this point. Okay, so you have this necklace. You see the horn on the ground, you've got the captain's corpse, you've got the orc corpses, you see there's a desk in here with some ink and
Starting point is 00:07:53 like some writing utensils as well as a big sign, like a a drink and mug. There's also an open scroll out on the desk and under the desk is a large treasure chest with a big gold keyhole on the front. Well, I'm definitely going to ignore the desk because I definitely can't read. It seems to be an ongoing theme with the Crick Alves in their sister. It just never went in my brain, you know, just one ear in one ear and out the others. I don't need to, anyway, I don't need to know how to read it. It's fine, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:08:29 Yeah, I feel like pop-up is not knocked out, so pop-up is just reassuring. You know, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. That's right, pop-up. He goes over and starts reading it. Ring, ring. Ring, ring. It's just a letter with big, there's just a note
Starting point is 00:08:42 with big blocky letters that says, here is where the key is hidden. I mean, I guess I'll go through the captain's pockets and see if the key is in there. You go through the captain's pockets after searching a bit. You find not only a gold key, you also find his handheld device
Starting point is 00:09:03 that he was using to make the guns come out on the ship. You see that it's a remote that shaped to fit like the contour of his hand. There are three buttons on it. There's one on the top, one on the middle, and one by the pinky. Well, that seems extremely dangerous. Rare.
Starting point is 00:09:23 Rare. I'm about to say, no, you can't read. Rare. Have a hot sleep. No, you can't read. It's like, you can't. Very carefully on the desk. And I use the key to open the chest. Sweet. We would have been dead again.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Have this been us doing this? I know, I definitely would have been like, OK, obviously we need to use his dead hand to work their own. There's three of us. So we each need to press a button. One of them is the guns. Pickle, pinkie.
Starting point is 00:09:49 One of them is just explodes the ship, and the other one just turns the sound system on. It's a really, really nice sound system. So as you're walking through the ship, there's no kind of... So Bose, Apple. Yes. As you click open this chest, go ahead and give me an intelligence check.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Oh no. My minus one intelligent. But with that blessed dice. I know. I did get a seven. Okay. Yeah. You.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Oh no. Turn the key. It clicks. I open it. Yes. How do you go about opening it? I'm gonna take my great sword and open it with that. So you use your great sword and you flick open
Starting point is 00:10:39 the top of the treasure chest. You instantly hear a buzzing and whirling gold scarabs fly out of the treasure chest, you instantly hear a buzzing and whirling gold scarabs fly out of the chest and attack you. Go ahead and give me a constitution to throw up. Oh, cool. You can scare up, man. You love scare-ups. I do love scare-ups.
Starting point is 00:10:56 I didn't get that. It's the same attack. You're obsessed with scarabs. Those things hit for a lot. I got a kill by a lot of bugs. I got a 15. A 15. Okay, that's gonna pass you only take half of this. Oh no.
Starting point is 00:11:09 So you take 12 damage. That's already halfed. Oh, all right. Well. Yeah, wait. I'm on 36, so I'm now on 24. Go ahead and give me a perception check. 14? 14. Okay, you notice that when the
Starting point is 00:11:28 top of the chest open and the scarves came out, you saw that it was like very shallow. Oh, okay. So I um, tan kimu. So as you kind of start turning it more and start kind of interacting with the keyhole. You notice that there's a little bit of like pull to it. Oh, okay, so I pull the key out until it feels like it's in the right place that I tend to see if I can turn it more or the other way. As you start to pull it, you realize that this is essentially a drawer.
Starting point is 00:11:57 Ooh. Oh, very cool. Ooh, what a rich tapestry you even. You should get into making furniture. I do like to be a woodworker, but I do like to be a woodworker. I feel like that is my like, I'm quitting, I'm going to make furniture. So you slide open the chest drawer, another hard word for me to say. And there is a drawer full of war swords.
Starting point is 00:12:24 I got word of. I got war to war in the war and war swords and war horses. You open the goddamn drawer and you see this brown bag inside with these like intricate green and blue and red markings on it. Did the intricate blue and red markings look magical? Go ahead and give me an arcana text. No, no. Our dumbest party goes for investigating. I think shout out to the two crew. Oh, crap.
Starting point is 00:12:58 But that also means that I got a one because I have minus one on the top. I don't know. So it doesn't look magical. It looks like a regular bag. Apple, why not? That's what you know. They're a bag in this chest.
Starting point is 00:13:10 That's a little open that bag. You open the bag? Luckily, this is not a trap. You just don't perceive that this is magic until you open it, and now you're blown away. This is the bag of holding. This allows you to carry up to like 500 pounds of stuff, but within this little like- I instantly put Beverly in the bag of holding. This allows you to carry up to like 500 pounds of stuff, but within this little like-
Starting point is 00:13:27 I instantly put Beverly in the bag. Yeah. Beverly suffocates and dies. You just do it. Inside the bag, there is a bunch of treasure. Hell yeah. You find 120 platinum. What?
Starting point is 00:13:44 Which is 1200 gold. That's why you're writing things down. I'm not giving in to anything. Yeah, that's the deal. This is your other field. Shinni's help for the field. I'm just taking notes. This is called well out of character trying to be helpful.
Starting point is 00:13:55 This is called well out of character wanting that money for best. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Starting point is 00:14:04 No. No. No. No. No. I'm fine. Flosing my pin. So 120 platinum. So there's 120 platinum. Of course the bag of holding, which is holding everything. There's also the gauntlets of ogre power, which will grant somebody up to 19 strength. It automatically takes your strength up to 19, but it can't go higher than that. There's also the javelin of lightning,
Starting point is 00:14:28 which you can activate as you throw it. I think you can only do it once a day, but it does 46 lightning damage, as it passes something. Oh, D6, that's crazy. It's pretty good. Then there's the boots of speed, which you click your heels together,
Starting point is 00:14:43 and it lets you double your speed for a certain amount of time. Oh, that's good. And there's also the ring of speed, which you click your heels together and it lets you double your speed for a certain amount of time. And there's also the ring of defense, which gives you plus one AC. So as I'm assuming Apple, you kind of have this bag open and you're just like a pig and shit, just like going through all this treasure. You guys can go ahead and roll your hit dice and everything for your right rest. My boy Valnor expends all of his hit dice, but he's almost at full. Cool, so you guys take your short rest as Apple is looking through this treasure.
Starting point is 00:15:17 You got, oh, hard one. Go ahead and give me a constitution saving throw. Ooh, okay. As everyone comes back into consciousness and has rested for a bit and has healed up a little bit, hard one, you start getting the shakes a little bit. I did roll a 20. You rolled a nat 20?
Starting point is 00:15:35 Not a nat, 14 and put my con modifier. Okay, you shake out of it, you're cool. You get your short rest. But yeah, I'm a little mentally shook. Do I need to see this? Yeah, do we see him like? I think actually probably we're all so fucked up. Yeah, I would say you guys wake up
Starting point is 00:15:52 and you guys all have the worst hangover of your life. A little extra hungover. Yeah. I'm just like, I'm never drinking hit a chino again. And... Am I wearing pants yet? Not unless Apple put pants on you. Apple? When did you take your pants off?
Starting point is 00:16:10 So no. You probably died with this. I got pantsed by a beefy orc boy. What's wrong? I'm not even bracing so hard. I just put a towel around hard one. This time I'll allow it. I'm actually fine with it.
Starting point is 00:16:23 There's a lot of nudity down in the field. I don't even notice. I'm more disturbed when you put pants back on. Yeah, become me more elf like the Long-Rice Day. I'd love if you just threw on a pair of slacks, but... Boundore, I have a very bad headache, please. You know what? The Captain's pants. This is a fine bearer pants. Why don't we why don't we put these on the captain's pants? I hit Valnor helps you take the captain's pants off. How do they how do they fit? Are they baggy? I would think a big
Starting point is 00:16:55 a big or a guy and a hard one would probably be around the same size. They're actually they're like a nice pair of sk of skewers almost. They got that like gold trim around them that pirate pants have. Yeah plus two to Christmas. Hard one just falls. I can see the full outline of this dude plus two for his. Your bulge looks a little bit bigger than you know your dick to be. Whoa. I love these pants. That's a cod piece. I've given a double take. Hard one. What happened during that short rest? Wow, that was a really hugging ya. More of a long rest, honestly. Ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Change pants. Ha ha ha ha. You find one of the other works has some raggedy pirate pants. Ha ha ha ha. All right. You're getting too much attention. Look at the captain's pants in my backpack later. It's your date pants.
Starting point is 00:17:47 Yeah, but when I go to Iron Deep, I'm showing up in my brand new pants. You guys are even more on this spilling marinara on it before you get to show them off in front of Gemma. This episode's called Hard One to Do Pants. The bread of the hood of the traveling pyro pants. Okay, okay. So, wow. First off, I feel like a dog gunk, but Apple, what happened? Did you kill this guy?
Starting point is 00:18:18 I did. I killed him. We're all alive. Congrats. I found a chest full of treasure. Has a bunch of stuff in it. 60 platinum coins. Congrats. I found a chest full of treasure. Oh, it has a bunch of stuff in it. 60 platinum coins. Hey. Oh. Oh. That's so many coins. So many coins. Wow. It looks like there's room for more coins in there, but no. Okay. Well, no, they probably spend it. You know what,
Starting point is 00:18:39 you know what Apple, you need the money more than we do. Why don't you take those 60 bucks? I know, I never would. No. You should at least take half of them, right gang? Yeah, I think Apple should take them all. For your mean, we're all friends. She saved us. Why don't we split it in half?
Starting point is 00:18:58 Okay. You take half of them, right gang? I think that's fair. Half for the band of the boobs and half for Apple. Yeah. Just splitting it directly in half, I think right down the rental. Yeah. Poppa looks ever quasi disapproving, right?
Starting point is 00:19:11 That's from the bottom. Don't be greedy. Let Apple have her coin. Sorry, he's a lawyer, you know how they are. Poppa wants 5%. Poppa gives you a look, Apple. I'm gonna let you decide what else was in there these Nice shiny gauntlets and this javelin and these nice shiny boots this ring
Starting point is 00:19:37 Mm-hmm. Oh in the bag itself which seems to carry a bunch of stuff Yeah, so you guys got the bag Wow, I was in a infinite space seems to carry a bunch of stuff. Yeah, so you guys got the bag. I told you. I told you I didn't just test it out. Ah, wow. I was in a infinite space. This is better than a baby Björ. Please, don't put me in the bag. Oh, hey gang, how about I hold this? Now I don't have to watch the bags.
Starting point is 00:19:57 I can just watch the bag. Wow. Oh, look at that. That's really cool. This is a great present for old men to go back, Björn. Please, they saved your lives. It looks good on you. It's a great present for old men to go back north. Please I saved your lives Looks good on you. It's a term of a deer bit mother, you know, I don't take it lightly. He cries a little bit Who gets what? Yeah, so these gauntlets take your strength up to 19. I wouldn't mind that my strength is at 12
Starting point is 00:20:22 I wouldn't mind that my strength is at 12 Be a real my strength already I don't need the I am at 19 so that would not be helpful Is there any kind of like bar I could do pull-ups on my arm? How much like Emily blunt that she looks she looks exactly Hell yeah, do my Emily blunt blunt Oh yeah! Hell yeah, do my Emily Blunt Blunt of Pilates. I prefer like Barbara. Yeah. Cooper posed the arms look super defined. I straight up want the lightning to have a one.
Starting point is 00:20:52 Yeah. Stormborn. Yeah. Oh! Watch a boy call a lightning. Yeah, I want to bring out a face of lightning. Sweet and some thunder. You know what I'm good?
Starting point is 00:21:01 If anyone else needs anything. Ballon or goes. You know, I would take those cute little booties. They look fun. But if it's gonna be for running around, maybe you could take it, you could always lay hands. Somebody here. Oh, that's true.
Starting point is 00:21:13 Yeah. And also, you need to click your feet to activate them. Which is probably why real cute. How does it look? It's like, oh, it makes you really fast. Awesome. Oh, you have to click your feet. Oh, I'm good.
Starting point is 00:21:24 All right, I'm looking. I'll just start doing sprints in the morning. I'm looking on the tongue of the boots, and it says, there's instructions in here. It says you need to click your heels and say, yippy, skippy. Bal no, it looks, don't say anything about yippy, skippy. Ah, I think it does.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Yeah, I suit up with the boots up. Sweet. If nobody's gonna take them, I would take this ring, give myself a little extra armor. Yeah. Sure. The rolls aren't that protective. They look pretty sturdy.
Starting point is 00:21:53 It's a rough twill. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. They are a chainmail line to the rolls. Cool. So a hard one takes the Javelin. Apple takes the ring of protection. Moonshan takes the gauntlets of Ogrepower.
Starting point is 00:22:04 And Beverly takes the boots of speed. Moonshan takes the gauntlets of ogre power and Beverly takes the boots of speed. Those are gonna double your speed when you click your heels together, Beverly. And the yellow hippie's hippie. Can I say out of character? I love it when we get new outfits. Me too. It's like that scene in Clueless
Starting point is 00:22:21 when she's going through the computer and picking her outfit for the day. Yeah, oh man, that was cool. Yeah, do we? like that scene in Clueless, what she's going through the computer and picking her outfit for the day. Yeah, oh man, that was so cool. Yeah, do we, is there like a little changing room in the captain's suite? There isn't, there is a letter there and a desk and you guys did just almost,
Starting point is 00:22:36 so I know everyone's having fun right now, but we're still, we're doing a quick makeover montage. Quick makeover, but I think I'm gonna saunter over to the letter and pretend to read it. Y'all, this is serious. I'll read it over her shoulder. Cool.
Starting point is 00:22:51 Y'all, I think we got to talk about this. I don't want to read it out loud, but I'm just going to pass it around. Seems pretty serious, right? For sure, yeah. Moonshine passes it to hard one. Wow, Moonshine. You're so right. Yeah, Moonshine passes a hard one. Wow, Moonshine. You're so right. I climb on hard one shoulder.
Starting point is 00:23:13 What do you think? Beverly reads it. I look at pop-up. I'm like seriously here. It doesn't say anything. It's just a ship, man. What does it say? So, Beverly, you grabbed this piece of yellowed parchment. The handwriting on it is impeccable. It looks like whoever wrote this is a calligraphy artist. Oh, such penmanship. Yeah, it's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:23:41 And it reads, Captain, I reluctantly agree to your terms. Demanding money up front is brutish to say the least, but I understand why someone in your field might be reluctant to trust a buyer. It would be far more effective for you to just give me the dwarf now, but we'll do it your way. The money means nothing to me, and should you reneg on the deal?
Starting point is 00:24:06 I'll simply destroy you. As requested, here is 5,000 platinum up front. One week from today, we will meet in Smuggler's bounty. My traveling compatriots and I will arrive quietly the night before. On sundown, on the day of your first arrival, you will meet me in sweet, two, two, two, and deliver me one off-guard true axe. If you do not arrive on time, I will send a lieutenant after you. Enclosed is an enchanted gem that will allow you to imprison the dwarf. I assure you, whatever petty means by which you are containing him now, it won't work in the long term. He will recover and he will escape. He is special.
Starting point is 00:24:47 He means so much to me." Simply hold the gem over his incapacitated body and speak the command word Il said, he will be imprisoned and unable to be freed by normal means. These were handcrafted by a powerful dwarven geomancer. Keep it somewhere close. One week is a long time to watch over one of the legendary heroes. And you see that's in quotes. And then at the bottom of the page it says,
Starting point is 00:25:14 The order has eyes everywhere. If we sense that something is wrong, If you seek to double cross us, we will know. I will have the dwarf. And then it just says at the bottom, Akarat. Akarat. I just can't says at the bottom, Akarat. Akarat. Akarat. I just can't get over the ligatures on this letter.
Starting point is 00:25:28 This handwriting is fantastic. It's beautiful. You get the immediate sense of reading this. It's like serial killer, control-free, weirdo, bizarreness. Yeah, and I sniff the ink, and it's got like a slight lilac smell to it. This guy's not messing around. Yeah, I knew it was bad when I read it myself, but you're, you can read it a second time.
Starting point is 00:25:50 It's even more tired of the stuff. Did you like the voice I did? Yeah, that was really good. Kinda flying kinda dark. You embody that character, for sure. Wait, no, who is this guy? Akarad, have you heard of him? I've never heard of him.
Starting point is 00:26:00 I've heard of Ilsaid, though, and I, yeah, I don't feel good about that. No, no. This is bad've heard of Ilsaid though, and I don't feel good about that. No, that's his bad news. What's Ilsaid? Hey, he's like the devil, right? Yeah, he's new devil. Yeah, he's new devil. He's not that spot.
Starting point is 00:26:13 He's devil two. Yeah, he's like the devil son who took over. Yeah, good job. All right, no, that happened day in the field. You know, when young Jeremiah took over from old Jeremiah. Sure, sure, sure. He's exactly like that, except with devils. Oh, well, I mean, young Jeremiah is over from old Jeremiah sure sure sure exactly like that except with Devils Well, I mean young Jeremiah is a little bit of a devil
Starting point is 00:26:32 You guys suddenly hear a knocking That really did you and it's a trick a little no no so you guys are below deck right now You guys are in the captain's quarters. Next to the captain's quarters is a bunk room with like bunk beds and stuff where the crew sleeps. But across the room down where the stairs are, there's another closed door and you hear it. Start to knock. Sounds like somebody's kicking it. Labor-kicking. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:27:01 Like maybe there's a prisoner on the boat. Should we? Yeah. Who? I think let's a prisoner on the boat. Should we? Yeah. Who? I think let's just go over and say. Real quick. Before we do that, was there a date on the letter? Yes, it was sundown on the day of his first arrival.
Starting point is 00:27:16 Okay. So I think it's literally tonight. Okay, just double checking that. Sweet, too, too. Sweet, too, too. And it was, the letter was sent seven days ago. All you guys know is that the hill giant told you that's not a lot showed up this morning.
Starting point is 00:27:30 And it said then the day of your first arrival. Okay, great. All right, cool. Yeah, let's go check out that door. What's behind the mystery door? I think, oh, should we open it or should we go? Let's just call it. We should go stand and.
Starting point is 00:27:42 All right, you will, what are you banging for? Who that then who's that to then you here a muffled voice go And more kicking on the door It's like he's sounds like they're bound at least all right Really intimidating pose when we open the door He doesn't know that we just all die Okay, everyone most intimidating push-ups more pull-ups get a pull-ups. I click my heels Moonshine looks completely ripped Beverly is saying hippie's give me I'm just standing. I'm just doing a hand. I'm putting on the fancy pants We're doing a quick pants swap
Starting point is 00:28:26 Okay, I help hard one get them on because they're so too super tight All right, so open the door you guys open the door and you see You're doing this intimidating stance, but this guy can't see you at all He's tied up on a chair. I send pop out of go bite off the little blindfold so that he can see us. Oh, no, no, no. He's just comically like laid out like his chair has fallen over So he's laid out guys. This is yarn the overly talkative Drunken or a pirate that you met at the bar. Oh, he's been tied to a chair and his mouth is gagged And you guys see that you're in a storage room and there are barrels and various other supplies here but you see yarn this
Starting point is 00:29:12 orc pirate dude has got a gag in his mouth and he's tied to his chair and he kind of scoots over and he looks at you guys and he gives a very confused look Use look. Err, err. Oh, yeah. Oh. From the bar. Hey. Err, err. You know you dodged a bullet with those T-Fundz, by the way. Also, in here, because we killed all of your friends. Also several bullets. They were being fired at them. Oh, yeah, no, there's a lot guns up there, we're no.
Starting point is 00:29:38 I'll take off his gag so he can speak to us. Oh, hey, good to see you guys again. What's going on? Gang, what brings you to the chip? Uh, he looks over your guy's shoulder. He sees all the fucking death incarnate. Oh, you killed my friends, did you? Yeah, sure did.
Starting point is 00:29:54 Yeah. It was in defense, but you know how it is. Pirate, it makes you feel any better. They honestly killed us, too. That's true. And if it makes you feel any worse, this was entirely your fault, because we would have never known they had,
Starting point is 00:30:07 they had a off-car if you'd been glad to us. Did you have to kill them all? Yes, we did. Oh, well, one of them took a swim, so they're fine. Oh good. Turning his life around, actually. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:18 Is it one of the beefy boys? The beefy boys are actually nice. Yeah, then we have to use the gimbal. You're gonna be gonna come a try, actually. Yeah. Actually, he points to one of the beefy boy that Apple stuck to the lower mast. And he goes, actually, that guy suggested not to cut my tongue out
Starting point is 00:30:34 and instead to gag me. So that was nice. That was nice. Yeah, the captain thought I was running my mouth a bit too much. And he tied me up in here. I was also drunk, so I kind of slept it off. You can't blame somebody for what they say when they're drunk People went around blaming people for that nobody would be friends with anybody. I
Starting point is 00:30:52 B.A.D. All kinds of crazy Let me tell you I totally agree with you and now you know what Bygons are bygons you killed my friends did you happen to look in the captains quarters was there anything interesting in there oh yeah we found everything and we know about this uh... meeting with uh... what's this guy's name acarat oh yeah the turn of japan yes uh... yet we know about the meeting with backer at i don't know all of the details of the meeting. The captain's quite secretive, but if you just want to sort of pay me for my work on this whole deal,
Starting point is 00:31:31 I'd be happy to just scoot town. I think pay is your life, my friend. Yeah. I don't have any money to spare. Apple's only got, I think, a 30-plot at this point. Yeah, and by the way, you know that little button thing that the captain has Yeah, you know what the buttons do specifically that pinky button. We're all curious. Yeah, tell you what one for that and them
Starting point is 00:31:55 And I'll tell you how to handle device work. I think yes We will take you up on that and Apple please let us pay from our Apple please let us pay from our No, no, no, I'll pay for all we got it. We got it. No really you've done so much for us out It's only fair. It's only just well if you insist. Yeah, I do and we're gonna put them He's still tied up. We put in his mouth much appreciated Save that for later. Do you want to untie me? No, tell us what the gun does all right So you see that button up top there. The button up top controls the guns.
Starting point is 00:32:28 The button in the middle, I think that makes the little grease trap thing go up. Cool. You see these little booties we have here, and he sort of wiggles his toes around. He's got these two toad boots on. These allow us not to slip on the grease trap, and it's also got some runes on it,
Starting point is 00:32:43 so the guns know not to shoot us. Oh, yeah, pretty good. Hard one, weren't you saying you wanted some nice boots? Oh, yeah. This look kinda ugly though. I'm a size six, what are you? He's got tight, very tiny feet. Wow, I...
Starting point is 00:32:59 14. You look like you're like an eight, you could probably squeeze into these. I kick him. Ow. you're like an eight. You could probably squeeze into these. I kick them. I don't know. That feel like an eight. You know, like a nine and a half maybe. And the one at the bottom, I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:33:14 I've never seen the captain use that one. And then really? Because it's got a real distinct curvature. Can it only be used by the captain or do we need if we were say to try to employ it ourselves would we need to his decapitated hand? She really wants to cut the captain's hand off. You can cut the captain's hand off for fun if you would like, but we have gotten drunk and played with it. He's pasted around when he was a good man and just looks really solid. I mean I get it, that grease trap
Starting point is 00:33:45 is probably a really fun slip and slide. Yeah. It's seeing just slide up and down the deck as the waves come. Full on shirt of a crocodile, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The good days are over with. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:56 And they sure are. I was really just in it for the money. You gave me a platinum, honestly, that was bigger than my cut, so. Cool. It doesn't seem like yarn knows anything. I say we just let him go. What if we all just say a bunch of wrong information
Starting point is 00:34:09 and then let him go? Okay. And then he goes off and tells everything for her. Okay. We are agents of Theola and we are actually, you know, everything we do is in the name of Theola. And the chosen. And the chosen.
Starting point is 00:34:25 And the chosen. Yep. We're chosen nights. Long make her light rain. Chosen nights. Yeah, you'll see. I guess that makes sense. You guys kind of look like chosen nights, especially this guy.
Starting point is 00:34:34 Looks at hard one. You have those hands. Kind of a chosen nights guy. Easy does it, yarn. Small feet. You have small feet. I do. Yeah, you should say. Takes one to know when I guess. You guys suddenly hear one of the guns upstairs shoots.
Starting point is 00:34:50 Apple, did you do that? Why would that have happened? If somebody walked onto the boat. Oh, that's a pretty neat deal. Did I get triggered by like chipper monks and... Maybe a seagull kind of thing. Yeah. I mean like a chipmunk, just a regular old chipmunk. No, no, no, no like chipper monks and see maybe a seagull kind of like a chip monk just a regular little chip. No chipper monk. You don't got chipper monks. What is a chip monk? Chipper is so good to have you around. Oh my god. Thank you. Donut the Crick they do things a little differently. I bow nor wings at which I have apple. Ballnor winks at which I'm an apple. It takes one trip on far-exchange.
Starting point is 00:35:27 I'm so sorry that your boyfriend is selecting with me. Hard one looks at the count. I'm very proud. It is cringe where the effort fell apart. We received warning ahead of time that these dudes that we were going to be selling to were not to be fucked with. And the captain seemed a little rattled, but the price was right.
Starting point is 00:35:51 Hence this cool ship. In our ship, cool guys. It's very cool. It's very cool. OK, can I be got the port hole real quick? Sure. Where's that sun down? It has only been a couple hours since you guys
Starting point is 00:36:02 approached the boat in the first place before you had your fight and had your short rest and It was nearing Sundown at that time. Yeah, I think we got to put on some of these shoes. I Know that we all have shoes that we love. I know we just got to but you can still say it be skipping Yes, you are immune to the grease however Not the same shoes Can I wear the everybody's wearing them in me? Well, they're big orc boots. Can I just put them on over my magic boots?
Starting point is 00:36:28 Yeah, I'll allow that. Yeah, good. Good. Speaking of magic boots, can I activate them and then kind of run upstairs to take a peek at who might run upstairs? How about I make you how about I make you invisible first? Yes, please it lasts for an hour. Mm-hmm great All right, Bev you'd be skipping you don't need to sit Moon shine mutters in incantation Beverly disappears The last thing you hear is the clicking clack of my heel Quiet you be skipping
Starting point is 00:37:01 Yeah, I don't want to stealth up the stairs to kind of peek at who's here. And you are putting the boots on? Yeah. Okay, so you put the boots on over your little boots. Thank God you cast it invisible. You see there are these strange foot soldiers everywhere. There are about 20 of them within sight. They're wearing black, chain mail. Their skin is stark white.
Starting point is 00:37:24 You see where their eyes would be? Is just sunken-in eye sockets with just black fog? Okay. You see they clearly know something's going on on the boat. They're tentatively surrounding it. You see they're like kind of testing the guns. You see like another guy puts his foot down. And you see the gun start shooting at him as he goes. You see that on the boats nearby, more guys are like climbing around. Like they're kind of surrounding the boat.
Starting point is 00:37:56 The guys that were, you know, supposed to do the deal with them, yeah, have all been wiped out. And they're investigating this. Not only do you see all these foot soldiers, you see that on the docks, there are three nights in ring mail. They've got the same skin complexion
Starting point is 00:38:12 with long black hair and the sunken in eyes. They've got big pikes on their back. They're riding black horses with flames where their mains should be, and they're flanking a terrifying figure in full black plate with eyes of fire. And you can even see them from here, just actual red eyes.
Starting point is 00:38:33 And his horse looks like a fucking hell stallion. A full nightmare long. Is he around the boat or is he physically on the boat? He's on the docks. Nobody's on the docks. The foot soldiers have kind of been sent ahead around the boat or is he physically on the boat? He's on the docks. Nobody's on the docks. The foot soldiers have kind of been sent ahead to like kind of try to figure out
Starting point is 00:38:49 what's going on with the guns. You see that's the sound that you guys heard before them getting shot at. So like there's a couple like trying to kind of climb the whole, there's a couple on other boats like surrounding it. These night guys are down on the docks. I report sports everyone.
Starting point is 00:39:05 There's a bunch of real normal guys up here. Some of them do have fire for eyes and their skin is pale white, like an alabaster statue, but they're pretty normal. I think we have to do the heroic thing here and run. I kinda think so too. My curiosity is leaning in that direction.
Starting point is 00:39:25 So what if we stealth off of this boat onto the airship, we press the pinky button, who the fuck knows what it does, but we're not on the boat anymore. Seems like a good way to experiment, yeah? And maybe that'll be a great distraction and we get help. Can you cast invisible on the rest of us or is that just a one time thing?
Starting point is 00:39:45 To get concentration, can I not cast it on someone else? You can't. Okay, yeah, I don't think I can. So, wanna a time then? Babes invisible right now. And then I do have enough spells that I can make everyone invisible one by one, and then two of us invisible.
Starting point is 00:40:02 Oh, but that burn all your slots though? It'll use up a decent amount of slots, yeah. But we've got Ovegar in the necklace. That's true. There's nothing else that we need to do at this. If the bag of holding carries 500 pounds, a couple of us could probably send it in there and you could just make one person visible.
Starting point is 00:40:19 Just throw it over the boat. Can we put someone in a bag of holding? Creatures inside the bag can survive up to a number of minutes equal to 10 divided by the number of creatures inside. So if there's two inside, you can last for five minutes. That's not that long. We have another one. Oh, and you can't go over 500 pounds.
Starting point is 00:40:39 We have enough invisibility. Yeah. I think we can safely do that, even though it's using my spell slot. But we can put balnor in the bag. Yeah, balnor in the bag. That's true. I'll go in the bag.
Starting point is 00:40:51 This is like a story. This is your destiny. This is your destiny. You must, if your story arc is finally over. I actually found out that you could like organize. If you go in there and organize everything in there, like put some shelving up maybe, like make sure all of the bags are easily accessible so that when we go in there.
Starting point is 00:41:07 You might get bag madness though, so be careful. He looks at you very seriously, Beverly. I will resist it. Okay, so where? And then he jumps into the bag. So where is the safe place for us to go? The airship? Yeah, the airship.
Starting point is 00:41:24 But isn't the airship nearby? Well I think we just, we need to use us to go. The airship? Yeah, the airship. But isn't the airship nearby? Well, I think we just, we need to use it to escape. So as you guys are doing this escape plan, let me real quick, I'll kind of explain to you how your airship works. I'm gonna give you guys the benefit of the doubt and say that since you're constantly in trouble, you probably pulled in backwards for a quick escape.
Starting point is 00:41:39 I'll just say that. Hey, you're not gonna make us do like a catering. Like a catering really so. Yeah. Yeah. I was definitely showing off that I knew how to parallel park the boat. Yeah. This is the one, this is like the purest parallel between Jake and Hard One. It's all I have.
Starting point is 00:41:55 So just to kind of explain how the airship works. So essentially there are a few magic orbs that act like powerful spell scrolls. So there's one of these that's in the back and acts like a thruster. When you pull the lever that's up by the steering wheel, the thruster explodes constantly in a barrage of spells, not unlike a fireball that propels you like a plane on the runway, but it only does that for like a few hundred feet. And from there, there are two more arcane orbs on little protruding planks on each side of the hole that casts like a levitate spell. So you essentially gain momentum, lift yourself up into the sky, and then once you're up there,
Starting point is 00:42:29 you let down the sails, and it's a sailboat, and you guys are just flowing through the sky. The orbs that power the levitate spell can go for much, much longer than the thruster. So that's just kind of get you into the air. So just letting you know that you can't just be like, boom, just like rocket through the sea and just keep rocket in. There's no hyperdrive. There's no hyper know that you can't just be like, boom, I just like rock it through the sea and just keep rockin' it. It's a little hyper drive. There's no hyper drive.
Starting point is 00:42:48 You can just take off. Or not take off. Or not take off. In the clouds. So Beth, do you feel good as here invisible self trying to make a break for the airship? And then reports, forcing us when seers safely tucked away.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Sounds good. One last question. What are we gonna do with our orc friend here? Yeah, they're gonna kill me. Well, it was said over and over again. Hey, we're dealing with some pretty bad guys. We shouldn't mess with them. Captain was trying to get money up front.
Starting point is 00:43:15 The guy was super pissed off. Something, something, something. Don't lose the gem. We're all gonna die. That type of deal. Yard of the bag. Yeah, I think that's what it goes. Can't wait, Ken Hardwon carry the bag with both Boundor and the Orc the back. Yeah, I think that's what it goes. Can't wait, Ken, hardwon carry the bag with both Boundore
Starting point is 00:43:26 and the Orc in it. Yeah. Cool. So now we only have five minutes. So let's run. All right. OK, well, Bebe, you need to go first, and then I'll cast an invisibility spell on all three of us.
Starting point is 00:43:37 Cool. I guess I'm going to try and sneak off this boat, trying to think the best way to do that. I guess I have to get up to the top deck first. Unless could I go out one of the port holes and like jump down onto the dock? Cool, so the port holes are all open because that's where the cannons shoot out.
Starting point is 00:43:51 And as a half-ling, you can definitely fit out of them. But as you go over to the side nearest the stormborne, the side facing the stormborne, you do see that there are about eight of these footmen down on the dock, kind of eyeing the port holes and looking for a way to get in. When you look on the other side though facing away from the stormborne, you see that there are a bunch of footmen but they're kind of distracted. You see that they're like bullying a pirate on
Starting point is 00:44:16 a nearby boat like pushing them around so that they can come and deer his boat and surround you guys. But there are two guys down on the dock kind of skulking around and just you know guarding the area. How close are they? They're 10 feet away, they're like down on the dock. I'm gonna climb out the porthole, okay, and then just try and jump down onto the dock as stealthily as possible and then just scamper over to our boat. Bev, go ahead and give a climb check. I'll say with advantage. Shh. Because you can go nice and slow. So like an athletics check.
Starting point is 00:44:51 Mm-hmm. It's 11. Oh. No. Great. That means I like a saving throw. Do you get any or a protection? He doesn't get a saving throw.
Starting point is 00:45:04 But these guys do a perception check. Bev, you climb out the porthole, you jump down on the deck. There is a little creek, but at the same time a wave rushes in, and there's some water that hit it. Oh, thank you, Melora. And these footmen guys appear not to notice you. I'm frozen in place. Okay. And he says, thank you Belora out loud.
Starting point is 00:45:25 I scooby-doo tiptoe over to the boat. Cool. I will just allow you to tiptoe over there because these guys are focused on the boat. And you're invisible. And you guys are invisible. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:42 You hear the guns going off every so often. As these guys are trying to figure out what's going on there They've got the place surrounded Bev as you get over to the airship You see on deck of the stormborn are two of these foot soldier guys Oh, so let me know let me know what you do all right. Well, first of all I report sports them to let them know that the Let me know what you do. All right. Well, first of all, I report sports to them to let them know that the in-house has a coyote in it.
Starting point is 00:46:07 That's fine. It's only two guys. Don't make it seem. Just like go down below deck. All right. Yeah. I'm just going to sneak below deck. Bev, you sneak below deck.
Starting point is 00:46:15 There's two guys skulking around down here. That's fine. That's fine. There's still a little foot soldier guys. I think there's no way around them. We'll just have to, once we take off, we'll have to fight them. Yeah. Like, we're not getting them. You have to find a place to hide though, because invisibility is about to go all the way around and we'll just have to, once we take off, we'll have to fight them. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:25 Like, we're not getting them. You have to find a place to hide though, because invisibility is about to go. Okay, my dad's room. Yeah, I go to... Don't open any of the drawers. I got it. I got a Captain Stormborn's room. Okay, the door's already opened.
Starting point is 00:46:38 You see clearly this was like open and like torn apart. You see... Did they go through our stuff? The widow's like poster that was up there has been like torn down and somebody has looked into the space that used to contain a hard ones dad's cool hat. Somebody was clearly in there, like the bed is overturned and all of that, but yeah, you can certainly hide in here. Okay, you can probably hide like under his bed because they turned just fucking mattress
Starting point is 00:47:04 over. There's a stained drying of a dork that made it. It was clearly underneath the mattress. I'm like weirdly chased because the beard covers everything. You can just like her arms a bear. It's very sexual. Yeah, I do a quick glance to see if hard one has been stashing any pono mags. Hard one, have you been stashing any Pornomags? No, but I did draw a very accurate portrait of my ex. Go ahead and give me an art check. You're really neat, so I'm glad. I want to see how good it is.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Let me put my modifier. It's a 17, though. 17, wow. You did a pretty good job. I can bet to that. It could be I'm DVNR. I take a moment. I take a moment to admire hard ones ability.
Starting point is 00:47:49 And then I hide under the bed. Girls and the next artist. Yeah. And then I let everyone know that the boy is the boy's bunk. OK, the boy has landed. Are you two ready to go? OK. Thanks over my shoulder.
Starting point is 00:48:04 Now I use a second level. Are you two ready to go? Okay. Back's over my shoulder. Now I use a second level, I mean, pardon me, a third level invisibility on hard one and apple. And y'all just rapport me once you're over there. Okay, let's just sample. I'm also going to steal a pair of these oak boots. Oh yeah, everyone should be wearing them, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Yeah. I've waged my feet into that. They're way too small, foods. Oh yeah, everyone should be wearing them, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've waged my feet into that. They're way too small, Yard. Ha ha ha. He's in the back. Mm. Um, whip probably too big to fit out of these pull-holes right or? Yeah, I would think so.
Starting point is 00:48:36 So we got to go ahead. Well, I guess hard one broke one of them. Oh yeah. To jump through. Let's do poor hole. So Apple and Hard One, you guys get over to this poor hole that Hard One had kicked in, and kind of broken the integrity around it, so it's a big enough hole. It's a human size hole.
Starting point is 00:48:53 It's a hard one size hole. Yeah, size H2 hole. My shoulders are very broke. I feel like how around. So this is on the same side of the ship that Bev hopped out. You see that there are two guys kind of keeping an eye on Snot's yacht while the other footmen are distracted stealing this boat from this other pirate.
Starting point is 00:49:13 So go ahead and give me a climb check if you'd like to climb out there. Climb check? That's a strength check, right? Athletics. Athletics. I had 25. 19.
Starting point is 00:49:23 You guys lively, climb down, silently, legless style. You barely make any noise. I repulsed bulls, watch this. You guys are... Those boards, they're creaky. You guys are invisible on these docks. Y'all, I have a question. Since you probably want to stay invisible
Starting point is 00:49:47 for the time being, should you just literally while you're invisible, go to the wheel, get ready, and then I won't even be invisible. I'll just misty step onto the deck and you just take off into air. Nice, let's do that. That's smart. You guys are making your way over to the SS Stormborn. Yep.
Starting point is 00:50:05 You see there are these two guys standing on the ship, looking out onto Snotziyat kind of trying to parse out what they should do here. This episode of NADPOT has brought to you by Bird Dogs. They're a company that makes pants and shorts. So no matter where you fall and the age old battle between the two, you can rest assured that Bird Dogs has you covered. Now we all know when the legwear war begins and we're forced to choose a side, it's
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Starting point is 00:51:34 You guys are going below deck or are you guys going? Are you setting up at the wheel? Yeah, I'm going to set up the wheel. I'm going to stand directly behind these guys with my hands on a drone. That's good. Do we know what these guys are? Like what race or species or a fliction they are? They look all different races.
Starting point is 00:51:52 So you're down below, you see that one of them is like an elf looking dude, but he's got the white pale skin and the missing eyes with just like a dark fog, where his eyeball should be. And you see a little halfling guy that looks the same so like jugalos Yeah, they're jugalos essentially and as hard one in apple make your way over to the stormborn You see that these footmen are being commanded by this big dread night guy on this
Starting point is 00:52:20 Giant nightmare stallion and he's like, you fools go, face the guns, cowards! And you see a bunch of the footmen jump onto the deck and start getting like shot down and running at the guns and you below deck, Moonshine, start to your gunfire and everything. Oh shit, all right, Moonshine, not a lot of time. Real quick, I'm gonna fungal entity, symbiotic form. Okay. Then I'm gonna show Lely and then I'm gonna misty step over to.
Starting point is 00:52:47 So you're like running upstairs? No, no, no, I can see out the porthole, I can see the boat. Oh. I also have the captain's remote, and at some point we'll press that pinkie. Oh yeah, yeah. As soon as you misty step, I'm gonna put it into drive. Do you think I should press the pinkie?
Starting point is 00:53:00 Yeah, as we leave. Okay. So Beverly is hiding below, I under the bed, you've got these two dudes skulking around clutching the gymma portrait in terror. Above deck on the stormborne, you've got Apple, sword drawn behind these two pale figures, hard one invisible, up by the wheel, hand on the lever, moonshine, misty steps over. At that exact moment, you guys all appear, Apple, would you like to make an attack?
Starting point is 00:53:36 I fucking would, yeah. Go ahead right away. Great. 22. 22 super hits. 13. 13 damage. And then I have a second attack, which is 20. 22 super hits. 13. 13 damage.
Starting point is 00:53:45 And then I have a second attack, which is 20. That hits. 16 damage. So you guys see, Apple swings her great sword down, cuts one of these footmen in half and stabs into the other guy. The one guy lets out a pained yelp, and there's just chaos. These guys all start screaming. There's gunfire going off from the other ship.
Starting point is 00:54:07 Hard one, you pull the lever, and there's an explosion from the back for us to, and part of the dock is blown off in a quick burst of fire. You see, the footman and the knights have all turned their attention to you as you guys rock it into the ocean, and then start rising into the air. Who's up for the fight? What about though, I already did. What about I pressed the button? Nothing happens.
Starting point is 00:54:28 What? It was a secret compartment inside the boat. Oh! What was it? I was so sure it was a self-destruction. But I don't know that, so I just keep pressing it. I'm checking the batteries. I'm like,
Starting point is 00:54:42 You hear a little door moving from really far away. Some of your reports, Boris, got on the floor. I'm like, you hear a little door moving from really far away. Some of your reports for us got on the floor. You just hear, eat, eat. Are you telling me it was a garage door opener? Of course. Well, shall we take care of these guys? I'm gonna make these guys above and below deck
Starting point is 00:54:56 rolled dexterity saving throws because they did not expect this to happen. I'm actually gonna say, Apple, you'll need to make it to xterity savingrows as well. Cause you just got it, in a fight. Oh my goodness, these guys did. Oh, I rolled a one, a three, and a five.
Starting point is 00:55:11 Oh, they got it. Oh, I got 20, not a not 20, but 20. They on the right. I got 20. Yeah. You're cool. You brace, you take a wide stance. Oh, yippy, slippy.
Starting point is 00:55:19 Bloodboard, season two, baby. Yeah. But there's one guy that was just cutting half. He just flies off. Gone. This other guy, Yelps, and falls over. You see he's this pale dwarf guy with black eyes. And below deck, Bev, you see and you hear these other two guys fall over prone. You guys get up into the air, you climb up, you let the sails down, and you guys see, put on my hat.
Starting point is 00:55:49 You put on your dope hat, you guys see four nights on horseback flying. Their horses are these flying nightmare mounts and they're approaching the ship. What was that main guy? Then it flies, he is there. Okay, so there's three nights and this one main guy. Everybody roll initiative as you're letting down
Starting point is 00:56:07 the sales of your airship and reaching the sky, escaping smugglers bounty, but not these death nights on these nightmares. I rolled in natural 20. And natural 20, that is. Very good. It's just about as good as it can get. I'll take it.
Starting point is 00:56:23 I want everybody else get. I got a seven. Not great, a seven not great That's not especially when I plus four to initiative lucky number 11. I got a 17 lucky number 11 teams 11 team five that is Bebs turn bev you are first all right Um, do I guys don't even know you're there. No, so I'm gonna take that slight moment to try and ascertain Do they appear to be fey or fiends? They're definitely fiends, hell yeah. Oh, I can finally use this.
Starting point is 00:56:48 Underneath the bed, I clench the portrait of Gemma, which to me looks like a very sexy and drodginess boy dwarf. Okay. We're all attracted to Gemma now. My nightmare. Everybody going after my axe. And by the other hand, I clutch the amulet. And I channeled a vanity to turn the faithless on them.
Starting point is 00:57:13 Each fey or fiend within 30 feet that can here must make a wisdom saving throw. On fey, creatures turned for one minute or until it takes damage. Great. So I think turned, or that means it's like, they were on. They're like feared. OK, cool. OK. So I think turned, or that means it's like, they run, they're like feared. Okay, cool.
Starting point is 00:57:26 Okay. Bev, you pop out from under the bed, present your holy symbol and Chema's portrait and other ancient words at these guys who have just fallen over there, confused and concerned. One of them, the ancient words are y'all in for it now. One of the guys rolls a damn Matt 20. Oh, come on. And just goes, it's a trick. And the other guy goes, no, it's not.
Starting point is 00:57:52 And he just jumped for the poor hole. On his, no, they don't hurt themselves. They just started to get away from you. So these guys on their turn, they'll do what they're going to do. But it is not their turn, so they can't move yet. Oh, and as a bonus action, I'm gonna go ahead and activate Heart Shine.
Starting point is 00:58:08 Great, cool. If that's all right. The view glows green. So Apple, that is your turn. You've got these knights that are on these horses. They're kind of spread out, they're pretty smart. They don't wanna get hit by the same thing, but they are all approaching the ship.
Starting point is 00:58:23 They are about 400 feet away, and you've got one other guy right in front of you. Well, I'm going to go into a rage and hit this guy right in front of me. Great. Attempts to. Go ahead. Are we airborne yet? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:58:33 Just a quick reminder. Yeah, you're probably got you off the ground quick. Thanks, Kathy. Smooth take off. Can we start calling you Cap? That'd be awesome. Okay. Smooth take off. Can we start calling you Cap?
Starting point is 00:58:43 That'd be awesome. Okay. I got a 17 and then a 23 on my attack rolls. The 23 hits. Great. Two ones. A nine damage. You summon the eyes of the snake.
Starting point is 00:58:59 You slash into this dude. He looks a little hurt, but he's still pretty sturdy. He's still okay. And then that is the flying night guys turns. They are going to take a full dash action. They move 180 feet. So they are now within 220 feet. He's guardian guys.
Starting point is 00:59:24 And then the big daddy is going to go. He's going guys. And then the big daddy is gonna go. He's gonna do the same thing. He is now 220 feet away from ship. That is hard one's turn. First, does the stormborn have cannons? Go ahead and roll a D6. And I will say that's how many functional cannons you have. Nice. Four. You have four functional cannons you have. Nice.
Starting point is 00:59:45 Four. You have four functional cannons. Great. On the stormborne. And I'm sure I know this as a captain. How far do the cannons shoot? They would definitely shoot far enough to hit, they would shoot 200 feet.
Starting point is 00:59:56 They could certainly hit one of these guys. You could certainly try. Great. Let's give it a shot. Yeah. You're gonna shoot the big daddy. I'm gonna shoot the big daddy. I'm gonna shoot the big daddy. Shoot that big daddy.
Starting point is 01:00:07 Okay, you actually can't, the big daddy and one of the other guardian guys are like kind of in the middle and then there's two other guys flanking around the outside. They're kind of chasing you guys from behind the ship. Flanking. If you go down below deck, grab like the cannon on like the back left side, you could just aim it so you could hit like one of the cannon on the back left side.
Starting point is 01:00:25 You could just aim it so you could hit like one of the guys on the outside. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll go shoot. Cool, you go below deck. You see Bev is out there holding the picture of Gemma and the holy symbol. Oh hey, everyone.
Starting point is 01:00:38 I grabbed that. That was a gift. Somebody painted it for me. I didn't paint it myself. I did it. Beautiful, you have real skill. You fucking snoop. Then I shoot a cannon.
Starting point is 01:00:48 Go ahead and roll a D6. If you roll a one, I'm going to say that that's one of the broken cannons. Got it. We got to draw a map. Five. Five. Cool. That cannon is good. Go ahead and you can shoot at one of the guardians on his horse as he flies towards you guys.
Starting point is 01:01:07 Does that get cannons? Oh yeah. What? Daddy had a good boat. It is a plus six to hit. Shit. So that's an 11? 11 is not going to hit.
Starting point is 01:01:19 Okay. Cannonball shoots off into the air. I got a second time, right? He's got a boat aiming for their... Have you thought about aiming for their steeds? I'm aiming for the steed. Go ahead and hit the horse in the air. I get a second time, right? I get you. Have you thought about aiming for their steeds? I'm aiming for the steed. Go ahead and hit the horse in the face. They might have like a lower AC.
Starting point is 01:01:30 Oh yeah. That's a 10. That's a 10. That's not it. That also shoots off into the air. It's hard to hit things with cannons, but when you hit, it does a lot of damage. That is moonshine's turn.
Starting point is 01:01:40 Okay, this is what I'm gonna do. First off, I'm gonna use my reaction to spores for 12, the guy that apples fighting. He's quite her, but not dead. He's not fucking dead. He's not dead Alright, then I'm just gonna fucking attack him. Okay Yeah, we're gonna hit 25 that hits Looks like apples the one I got scrumbed this time God damn it. I only hit him for eight finish him like apples the one I got scrumpt this time. God dammit, Ellen hit him for eight. Finish him, Mojang.
Starting point is 01:02:05 Yeah! I think that I'm gonna start going back and forth like ping pong, hitting him back and forth with apple. Great. Just like some table tennis. Yeah, you're like cocking him with a blunt object and she goes to do it back to you and just to set off.
Starting point is 01:02:22 And then you can bat it. And then I'm gonna shove his head into the cannon ball. It's one of the cannon balls, too. That'll get shot out. Do. Hell yeah. And then that is Balnor's turn. Balnor is going to roll out of the bag.
Starting point is 01:02:38 Oh yeah, I shook the bag out. I shook the bag out. Balnor's out of the bag. Where am I needed? Bev, where is, is anybody, what's going on guys? Is Bound orbub deck? Yeah. Bound orbs above deck.
Starting point is 01:02:51 And there's two dead guys above deck. Yeah, there are two guys above deck. Bound orbs upper deck where you go. Bound orbs to seize the horses. The real upper deck. And goes, this seems like something we should deal with before they get here. So he's going to hold the reaction with the javelin.
Starting point is 01:03:03 As soon as one of these Guardian guys gets closer, that is Yarn's turn. Hey! Oh my god, Yarn rules out of the bag. Grab the bag of holding. And he's just gonna hide behind the mast holding the bag of holding. Boundores out of the bag, girl.
Starting point is 01:03:21 Boundores out of the bag. Okay, but what's even left in that bag right now? I guess it's just, I don't know. I don't know. All the good, all the good stuff in there. I thought I had my javelin. Yeah, but like all of our gold and equipment, like the cursed armor and things like that.
Starting point is 01:03:34 Ah, yeah, of course. Damn, motherfucker. And then that is the footman. There's only two left. One of them takes a full dash action to get away from Beverly. The drawing is making me feel weird feelings. And he, they're beautiful.
Starting point is 01:03:47 Runs up deck, Moon Shine, and Apple, you guys see one of these other footmen run up there from below deck, but he's taking a full dash action. He gets to the front of the boat, because you guys boat is just going to be on the top. Do they get opportunities to act on him? No, it's wide enough. He can dodge.
Starting point is 01:04:02 And then the other guy, I guess, is just going to run forward at Beverly. Brrrring it. I am not lying, he just crit. Wow. He brought it. Really sorry. He is also going to use divine smite.
Starting point is 01:04:15 You see. What smite for smite? What? Wait, is this like a dark smite? These are like dark paladin dudes. Ugh. How can this be? Join us! We love law, but we also love evil.
Starting point is 01:04:28 Duh, those are different ideas. No, evil law, think about it. Like Darth Vader. I'm thinking about it, that kind of makes sense, but you're conflating two different concepts. 24 damage, Bev. Yikes. And then that is back up to Beverly. All right, I think we gotta go a smite for smite.
Starting point is 01:04:47 Great. 14 plus eight, that'll probably hit. That does hit. Right, two. Yeah, these guys have like black chain mail and shields. All right, cool. So it's someone all of the purity of the light. The purity that only a team boy can hold within their heart.
Starting point is 01:05:02 No, I hate the light. And I hate teens. I'm everything you despise. I slash down on this fool. Sweet. So 25, 25 damage. He is on Death's Door. That is all in one hit.
Starting point is 01:05:15 Wait, wait, wait. Also, Divine Smite does extra damage if they're an undead or a fiend. So I get one extra D8. OK. That's a seven. Beverly, you smite him so much harder back. Yay!
Starting point is 01:05:28 And his face explodes as your radiant strike cuts through him. Now that's a smite. He can't respond. He's just a smoldering body. Huh? Ssss. Say something. Suck on that.
Starting point is 01:05:40 Ssss. Huh. That is Apple's turn. I'm gonna attack this other guy that ran up on deck. Okay, great. Is he still freaked out or is he... Now he can't see Beverly, he's calm down. He's freaked out. He's like, what was with that kid? That kid was weird.
Starting point is 01:05:56 What was drawing that I drew? How did you draw a drawing so fast? He was under there that old time, who went in that room? Who's this weird, who's drawing pictures? That's why you're concerned about. What is that? How's he there? He's drawing quite a lot. I'm just drawing quite a lot.
Starting point is 01:06:09 I just hit it with the face. OK, you were put out. He's on the front of the airship. 19 doesn't hit, right? 19 does hit. Oh, 19 does? OK, great. 19.
Starting point is 01:06:20 And then I went 12. 12 hit? 12 does not hit. He blocks with a shield and continues to talk about the picture. She was just so busty, but she also had a beard. It was hot. It's so nice hot.
Starting point is 01:06:34 To this guy, I've held up like a love crafty and drawing that has driven him mad. I love in damage. I love in damage. Okay, he is hanging in there. You cut into him, he continues to branch about the picture. Just hiding and drawing, it's strange. I don't like it, it's uncomfortable.
Starting point is 01:06:55 This is on you, man. He's guardian guys are going to take their dash action. They fly on their lesser nightmares. How close? You see the mains aren't as impressive. They get within 40 feet now. Ooh. What a lot of things.
Starting point is 01:07:13 And Boundor chucks a javelin. Sorry guys, you're too close. He rolls the one. Of course he does. He does. Oh, Boundor throws his back out. Ah! Gosh.
Starting point is 01:07:28 Wow, you really ought to be fully dead. Sometimes you get tense when you're ready to do something and then you go to a tomb. Yeah, I can only do it through a tunison, which bow to his back. He throws a back. God, he rolls a four. He just tosses two javelins into nothing.
Starting point is 01:07:41 It's the boundary. You know, maybe they killed someone way down there. Yeah. Just a real big salmon just on the end of that javelin. into nothing. It's the boundary. You know, maybe they killed someone way down there. You know? Just a real big salmon just on the end of that job. These guardians. Get on a fishing trip with his dad. These guardians guys get closer. This, this dread night guy goes with his big old nightmare.
Starting point is 01:08:00 He gets within 40 feet and he pulls out a shortbow. And he go ahead and shoot at I guess he's gonna shoot at apple. Yeah, he's just seen apple chop his short bow Just like a small bow or is that like a crossbow? It's a short bow. It's just not a long bow. Oh, okay cool A bow it's just a bow Beverly bow so he's gonna take shots that is a ooh he is not great at range stuff 18 to hit My AC is now 18. Okay, he does hit you For just seven damage I have to oh great, so I think you round down to three. Yeah
Starting point is 01:08:35 Second shot misses and he takes a third shot and hits we get three attacks five damage. So have to three He shoots you with these little weiner arrows. 5 damage. I assure you I'm better with my sword. Alright mate. I don't like this bow, it's so short. Yeah, no, this is probably the bow, it's a problem, not you. Looks really funny because you're so big.
Starting point is 01:08:58 Shut up, you can't see me, kid. No, they were poor-sport me about it. We gotta run in commentary going. That's hard one, so check out this. So hard one, these guys are now close enough to the boat that you can't really shoot them anymore. I can't shoot them with them. No, they're now, they're like coming in on the boat.
Starting point is 01:09:14 Then I guess I throw a throwing axe at them. Are you gonna run up back up top? Yeah. Okay. And I go. Go ahead. Are you going for a horse? Are you going for... Yeah, I'll throw a throwing axe at the boat. Well, I'll do that. And I go. Go ahead. Are you going for a horse? Are you going for?
Starting point is 01:09:26 Yeah, I'll throw a throwing accent. Well, here's the deal. So this main guy's horse is a fucking stallion. This is a full-on nightmare beast. It's thick horse. The other guys look like riding horses, but with like flame flair. All right, cool.
Starting point is 01:09:42 So I guess I'll try to kill this horse. Okay, go for it, I'll say. So the same kind of guardian that you were shooting your cannon at. Go ahead and make an axe attack. Can't believe you had killed such a beautiful creature. That was a 17 to hit the horse. That hits.
Starting point is 01:09:54 That hits. My horse is innocent. Killing horses. Eight damage on the horse. Okay. I'll throw another throwing axe at the horse. Innocent happy horse. The horse. It's the horse. Okay. I'll throw another throwing axe at the horse. Innocent happy horse. It is horse.
Starting point is 01:10:08 It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse.
Starting point is 01:10:16 It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse.
Starting point is 01:10:24 It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. It is horse. You're probably hard one I never wanted to roll in that 20 hard one hard one feels so bad about this But you see as you hit him like hellfire burst from its wounds. It's a sweet little boy Chanting Oh my god roll the six so noble 21 damage 21 damage You fucking kill I never asked for this power. He just liked apples. Go describe how you finish him.
Starting point is 01:10:51 I'll kiss the ax and say you never asked for this, but neither did I, and I throw the ax through with I. Ax sticks right in its head. You see this thing stops flying and this guardian like Wily Coyote looks down and goes oh fuck you killed my beautiful horse It's killer! Hard one weeps big crocodile tears. Yeah. Hard one sure for it. Killer of horses. So hard killer.
Starting point is 01:11:30 So one of these guardian guys fully goes down. Nice crits, timely. That is moonshine turn. I would like to cast my fourth level polymorph on the stallion that the dreadnite is riding and turn it into, we're above water, right? Yeah. I would like to turn the stallion that the dreadnite is riding and turn it into, we're above water, right? Yeah. I would like to turn the stallion into a dolphin
Starting point is 01:11:50 so that the stallion can hope you survive. Beautiful. Oh my God, I wasn't prepared for this. Yes. This is why I didn't get to do this. I'm really sorry for you. I'm really sorry for you. I'm really sorry for you.
Starting point is 01:12:04 I'm really sorry for you. I'm really sorry for you. I'm really sorry for you. I'm really sorry for you. I'm really sorry for you. This is why I didn't guess it was only on all of us because I was like, they're gonna follow us. On those horses, those horses are gonna fly guaranteed. Yup, yup, yup, okay. Yes, what is he doing? Like a wisdom saving throw? The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the effect. Okay, he's got a plus one to wisdom the horse Oh my god, that horses seen some shit He was five
Starting point is 01:12:33 I turned to a dolphin Wait, is it help? What are we ever some kind of like saltwater? I want like a dolphin that would be native so that he can land with the best chance to survive all the way. It's the dolphin for the rest of his life. Isn't it a hell-dolphin, though? No, he's just a fucking doll. Yeah, it says, it says, uh, it says, the target's game statistics, including mental ability scores are replaced by the statistics of the chosen piece.
Starting point is 01:12:55 Oh, however, it retains its alignment in person now. Uh, what horror have we undised on to see? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Your water mommy is gonna be so disappointed. Ha, ha, ha. Your water mommy is so disappointed. You see this fucking hell horse Turns into a dolphin and this dude is just riding a hell dolphin and he goes oh no. Oh Absolutely fuck me You'll pay for this and they start dropping the dolphin and the death knight guy.
Starting point is 01:13:29 Can I, I'm also gonna spore him on his way down just so you can. No, you can't. I can't, okay. Then I'll just spore the guy that Apple was fighting. Wait, that was the big daddy? Yes. I gave him a beefier horse thinking that maybe you guys would shoot people and stuff. Uh-huh. But I, you guys would shoot people and stuff. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 01:13:45 But I forgot that Wizards were bullshit. I forgot that you could just do things like turn a guy into not a flying guy. Anyway, he's gone. You could have just turned it into a normal horse. Yeah, how much time do you spend developing that guy? Yeah, not that much. Because now the dolphin has the chance. Now that he's a dolphin, he has an hour to swim to shore and become a hell
Starting point is 01:14:07 Stall-ed again. Oh, it can start a new life. You have a lot of love for horses Unlike hard one I try not to I try That hurt me. Oh my god. I feel bad as soon as I saw your reaction. Okay, Bound or Bound or goes killer. We kill and horses now again. He goes at Bound or Cool it buddy. He goes to Bound or. Well, cool it, buddy. He's just going to throw Javilan's at them. He misses on his first one. And he misses on his second one, not Bound or his day.
Starting point is 01:14:33 Bound or has one Javilan left. He kicked us. Yeah. Yeah. Wait till Bound or does nothing this fight accept kill the last person who will be pulled away. It's all back to life. That is Yarn's turn.
Starting point is 01:14:48 Yarn is going to run below deck. And he's going to try to hide. Okay, Bev, you see Yarn runs down and just like charge into the bunk room. You sleep in where you've got like the picture of Irland and stuff and you hear some like shuffling like he's hiding. Excuse me, hey! What do you got in here? That's our stuff!
Starting point is 01:15:11 That is- He is looting her mouth! Be respectful! That is the footmen's turn. There's just a one on deck. He has now taken damage so he's actually not scared anymore and he's going to attack Apple. You know, seeing one of my bosses dies, you know, really woke me up to,
Starting point is 01:15:30 I shouldn't be so concerned over that. Well, it cares so much about your boss, dude. I love my boss. You love your boss? My boss is great. He was a great, I love all of my bosses. You guys need to unionize, man. No, this is good.
Starting point is 01:15:42 We just get to travel a lot. I'm getting, he's an intern. You get help in here. I'm getting a lot of experience. I don't get health insurance. You get paid. He's gonna use a smite on Apple. He does hit six damage, half to three,
Starting point is 01:15:58 and then straight up 16 more damage. That doesn't get ha- Oh wait, no, you have your cow thing. So you even take half magic damage. Yeah. Okay, so you take half of that 16 damage as well. So half of the so just eight plus three. So 11. Yep. So just 11 damage. That is back around to Beth. Alright, you've got two guardian guys because one of them got got out of the sky. Yeah. The other one was the big daddy and he is on a dolphin. Alright, he might survive the fall.f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f I killed the evil horse, but you killed a kind of dolphin. No, that alignment stayed the same. That's it, the evil dolphin. That's it, evil dolphin.
Starting point is 01:16:49 Fab it's your turn. No dolphin, no. So I'm gonna steed for the dolphin to wear. I'm gonna wear. I so I'm gonna wear. We all need to kill an animal this time. You know, I'm gonna try and divine smite with a javelin. One of the Guardian guys.
Starting point is 01:17:03 Great, yeah, this is a long range kiss of death. Are you trying to hit the horse or the guy? I'll try and hit the, you know, I'm gonna hit the guy. Okay. I'm gonna see if we can keep a horse. All right. People of Hellfire are hoarse. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:18 Honestly, the minor, the minor, the nightmare guys will be easier to keep than the, the stallion that you turned into a dolphin in the yard Pages here at Dolphin Sounds He's a giant Yippee-Float Fall down little dolphin Go together. Oh, that's a 19 plus my modifier. I imagine that hits that hits. Oh
Starting point is 01:17:48 That's a 30 damage 30 damage. Yeah, dope. That's and that's my first attack sweet Yeah, you throw this javelin as it hits this guy in the chest It explodes with white light. You also get an extra D8 right?? He's a fiend. I added that. You added that. Oh good, you already added that. How's that feel? Is that tickle? It sucks. It sucks ass. We gotta take you underground and get you against some more fiends. Yeah, light rules. The darkness is cooler, nerd. Nah, power owns. You know, Moura is a little bit in between, a little bit of both. Yeah, I think you guys are both kind of late
Starting point is 01:18:27 I'm a little more but I hate them all go ahead make it look stack Pellar's gonna do a big belly flop on you and crush you won't go all right Yeah, one more time go It's another 19 that it's all right. It's just a standard javelin throw and it's just a standard javelin throw. Ooh, that's still going to be 15 damage? 15 damage. Sweet. Is it a yellow moon woozy? He's looking a little woozy, but he's pretty beefed out.
Starting point is 01:18:52 Oh, and just the heads up I did, I used my healing surge from the amulet. Oh, sweet. So I got some health back. Okay, great. Then that is Apple's turn. I mean, I'm gonna try and finish the one guy that's still in deck.
Starting point is 01:19:05 Oh, yes, he is still there. It's like you've got to conquer your fears, you know what I mean? Like, you see a weird kid with a weird drawing and you think, I'm so distracted by this that I roll in 11. Oh, I'm- He ducks under it. See that kid, he's not even that scared- Oh, this is a 23.
Starting point is 01:19:20 So- Okay. Oh. I hold up the amulet again. Ah! This is a 23. So this is the last one. So this is the last one. So this is the last one. So this is the last one. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again.
Starting point is 01:19:29 I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again.
Starting point is 01:19:37 I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. I hold up the amulet again. for you. You're annoying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Several men yelling, several horses
Starting point is 01:19:45 nang. And we have really high up. Really hope they find like a deserted island and just start over. Oh, that'd be nice. Yeah. For the dolphin. The dolphin kind of needs to be in the water.
Starting point is 01:19:56 Oh, it transforms back, right? Ah, true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is like their Gilligan's island. Yeah. I wanted the dolphin to just have one last happy hour. Find itself at the bottom of the ocean turn into a horse All right these guardian guys finally make it down onto the ship
Starting point is 01:20:20 They are going to do them two of? Two of them. Two of them. One of them got shot out of the sky. The other one is now running over. The other one is running over. The other one is running over. The other one is running over. The other one is running over. One of these, they pull down these big pikes,
Starting point is 01:20:32 these long like staves with blades on the end. And he's gonna take the big javilins. Look for those big javilins. They're called pikes. He got shortbows and big javilins. What's going on? Okay, that is a, ooh. 16 to hit, both times on Apple.
Starting point is 01:20:48 Two swings, misses. Misses? Misses both times, the other guy is going to take two swings. Jesus, a seven and a five, misses both times. You are like dorthmull right now, just swinging at these guys, as they swing down on you with these massive pikes. Then the lesser nightmares are gonna go.
Starting point is 01:21:08 They're gonna kick at you with their hooves. One of them crits. Are they stronger than Big Buck? Much stronger than Big Buck. Okay. Big Buck was killed unceremoniously in a single turn by a thin orc. Beverly blocked that out.
Starting point is 01:21:25 25 damaged have from the guys who crit. All right. And then the other dude kicks you with a fiery hoove. How's everyone on health? I've always really gotten hit that much. I haven't gotten hit yet. 16 damage have to eight. I'm on 41.
Starting point is 01:21:43 Okay. I'm on 41. Okay. That means you're strong. Yeah, he's good to say. You've gotten hit more than anybody. Yeah. Then that is hard one, Stern. Now that they're on the boat, I can throw my dope new javelin without losing it entirely.
Starting point is 01:21:57 Yeah. All right, sweet. I'm going to test that out. Go ahead. Welcome to the SS store board. Make a javelin of time. Do you need a tutorial on that? No quick.
Starting point is 01:22:04 Nope. Okay. That's a 21. They have a reaction. They can protect each other if they've got an ally within five feet. So one of them is going to use a reaction to try to use his pike to block your javelin, roll with disadvantage on that attack. Hmm. Shit. I guess I have to use the five that I got, huh?
Starting point is 01:22:28 You have to use the five. You throw the pike, this dude blocks it, and it sticks into the ground, into the deck. So with my second attack, can I grab it and throw it again? Sure. Cool barrel roll, grab the javelin, throw it again. With disadvantage? Uh, no, now it's just a regular attack just the lightning only trigger if it hits yes, okay great 19 19 hits yes, all right daddy would be so giving that chunky roll. Oh
Starting point is 01:22:57 No six a lot of teeth Shout out to the two crew. Oh So that's 14 damage with this thing. 14 damage? Should've hit him with my fucking axe. Yeah. It's a really good range weapon. It's not like better than just swinging
Starting point is 01:23:12 with your insanely powerful weapon. I just wanted to test it out. Yeah. It looked good for a test drive. It looked awesome. I don't think I'm going to buy it. You threw the javelin. His friend blocked it.
Starting point is 01:23:24 It shot into the ground. he rolled over, grabbed it, threw it again, hit him in the shoulder as it was passing him, lightning explodes from it and shocks him and he goes, oh, that hurts almost as much as getting hit by an axe. Just way, just way, just way, just that. It's like a licked a battery. Moonshan, that's your turn.
Starting point is 01:23:42 Okay, so there's only two of them, right? Yeah, and their horses. And their horses. Okay. How close are they to the edge? I'll say, I mean, I'll say they're about 10 feet from the railing. Okay, so I'm gonna jump out, like off of the boat,
Starting point is 01:23:58 and then I'm gonna try and throw, and throw in with one of them. Wait, off of the boat? Like I'm jumping off, the idea is I jump off of the boat. Like falling. Like falling, and then I, Thorne whip one of them. Oh, and that's a cantrip, right? Well, Thorne whip is a cantrip, yes.
Starting point is 01:24:15 And Thorne whip pulls them 10 feet towards me if I hit them. This is allowed. This is some wacky physics. So this is what I'm trying to do. I totally got it, yeah. OK. So you, so moonshine, you guys, this is probably fucking terrifying to you. Especially the band of boobs, this can not go well.
Starting point is 01:24:31 Balnor just goes, no, I never got to tell you how I fell. It was obvious, fella. moonshine jumps over the railing behind these guys. Salt uses a can trip, creates this thorn whip. Well, I have to roll to hit. Go ahead and see if you hit. Does 19 hit. It does.
Starting point is 01:24:51 Oh, ah! So I hit him for 1D6, but it also pulls him 10 feet closer to me. So he's on this horse. So you whip this thorn whip around his neck, catch him by the neck, and you whip him off of the horse and off of the goddamn boat. And then I misty step back onto the boat. And moonshine, bam, spat. Don't. Now it's time to kill his horse. That was an awesome fucking bird.
Starting point is 01:25:21 That's what I, the field I've never been more impressed by anything Honestly the fact that apples impressed. She's like my hero. I have her jersey Where are your jersey right now Papa is so shaken I'm sorry, I said taking you out of the three, we're not taking that. I know, I know. I know. You hear just so many people yelling as they fall.
Starting point is 01:25:48 Sweet, you guys were dominated by my orc fight that I thought wasn't that hard. That are destroying these guys that I thought were hard. Well, when it's easy, we lose, when it's hard, we win. Yep, that's generally how it was. We're tied. Oh, good. Okay, thank you. it's hard, we win. Yep, that's generally how it works. The tides. Oh, good. OK, then.
Starting point is 01:26:06 You know what? You know what exactly what happened is we went into that last bite, too goofy. And then this bite, we were almost just died. We have to be really smart. We were young to get it. We were smart. Last time there was hit a chin-up line everywhere.
Starting point is 01:26:20 That's Balnor's turn. Balnor runs forward. Beverly, with your permission, I'd like to kill another horse. Not thrilled about it. He's already singing. He crits. I'm really like that. He crits on the goddamn horse.
Starting point is 01:26:36 The best time he's hit this horse. Why do you even ask me? After this, we need to open up like a nurse, a horse nursery. Yeah, yeah, the partner with PETA somehow. Uh, the horse that no longer has a rider gets hit for 19 damage. All right, so now that we have at least tacitly implicated and animal murder. Don't put me on your level. Apple, you're the only one who hasn't killed animals.
Starting point is 01:27:00 I'm a farmer. I'm very comfortable with the death of animals. Bound or? Hide in the bin, pop animals. Boundor? Hide in the bib, pop up. Boundor, right, fucks up this horse. That is Yarn's turn. What's he up to?
Starting point is 01:27:13 Oh, he's downstairs. That's what he's down there with him, right? No, he's down there with him. No, I came upstairs. That is Bev's turn. Okay. We got one horse that Boundor has bloodied. You've got one horse that Boundor has bloodied. You've got one horse that Balnor has bloodied.
Starting point is 01:27:25 You've got one guy that is hurt, but his horse is at full health. Okay. I'm gonna go ahead and take care of this guy so we can wrap up and see what the fuck yarns do. Yeah, yarn is... I'm gonna use a second level Divine Smite. Sweet. Does a... 17 hit. 17 does hit. Alright Okay south they're not
Starting point is 01:27:47 Super armored cool. That was the other guy who's horse got turned no fucking dolphin That armor is so he hit to the bottom that armor is great This is basically balanced so these guys would be kind of the beefy guys of this round But there'd be the big daddy who is the hard fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like 168 HP Big Daddy who is the hard fight. Yeah, yeah, like 160 HP. Oh my god. A big daddy. So awesome for you.
Starting point is 01:28:07 It would have been dope. That would be really helpful though, when we would have killed him. Crash us into the ocean. Oh yeah, just. And the shark's attack. And the shark's attack. He might live.
Starting point is 01:28:14 Can he divine the sea? Oh. Oh. 26 damage. Armor first attack. Sweet. He is right fucked up. And then I'll do another attack. Go for it. Cool.
Starting point is 01:28:28 18 hits, 18 does. Yeah. Alright, that's eight damage. How he look, he is right fucked up. Apple, that's your turn. Well, I mean, if he's right fucked up, I might as well right-close attack him. Go ahead. It doesn't matter if he's in the next disadvantage. It's trying to avoid the horse. Have might as well reckless attack him. Because... Go ahead. Doesn't matter if you're the next disadvantage. Just trying to avoid the horse. Have we seen you reckless attack yet?
Starting point is 01:28:48 No. Oh, this is awesome. I, um, so I feel like intimidated, but also inspired by moonshines, amazing heroics. Oh my god. And so... I'm gonna try and jump on the horse and try and attack him. Oh my god.
Starting point is 01:29:07 18 on the first one. Okay. And then 23 on this second one. Yep, they both hit. Great. 16 damage on the first attack. He's dead. Great, finishing.
Starting point is 01:29:18 Ooh. Is this the horse? No, this is the horse. No, this is the guy on the horse. Can you cleave into the horse? Can you cleave into the horse, sir? Oh, I can't leave this the horse? No, this is the- No, this is the guy on the horse. Can you cleave into the horse? Can you cleave into the horse, sir? I can't cleave into the horse. So I lift my great sword up above his head,
Starting point is 01:29:31 pierce it through his neck so that it then goes into the horse's neck. Now that's the one that I'm going to boil this water. Now this is how you kill a horse. And then this is the damage from the thing you did. No, Doug. That one was a pony. 13 damage on the horse. That horse is right fucked up.
Starting point is 01:29:56 These horses are going to take their last cakes of their lives. Valid beasts. One of them hits. Does 17 damage have to? Can they get me? I'm on one of the horses. Okay, 17 damage to Moonshine. Okay, Moonshine gets bucked. It's because I was just watching.
Starting point is 01:30:18 I like my guard completely down and just admired Apple's moves. Hard one, that's your turn. You've got two hurt horses. God damn it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't think I killed a person today, just horses. Yeah, we're the horse crew, hard one. So 19 to hit the horse. 19 to hit the horse. You going after the super herd one or just the pretty herd one?
Starting point is 01:30:55 I'll go after the pretty herd one. OK, this is, I take no one. You could also do the pretty herd one and cleave through. Fine, I'll do that. That'd probably be the best thing to do Mercifully rolled the one but I have to reroll that yeah No really swing through with it hard one 13 damage you cut ones head clean off and cut into the other one the other one is on death store The the bloods from the horse braze out to my face to mix with my, to hide my tears.
Starting point is 01:31:28 And that's 21 on the other horse. 21 on the other horse. He is, okay, yeah, go ahead and do damage. It's 15 damage to that horse. Hard one, finish the horse. I don't want to finish the horse. Finish the horse part one. Three horses under your belt.
Starting point is 01:31:49 Three horses today. You sick fuck. Horse Twitter ad hard one. Do you want us to turn around? Yeah, everybody shut their eyes. I bend the knee to the horse. Touch my forehead. And say, you're going to a worse place. The rise on
Starting point is 01:32:08 it to capitate that. We've decapitated it, it explodes in hellfire. Apple, you comically fall to the floor, because that was when you were riding. Cool. So, yeah, so you guys on this airship, you guys have successfully escaped Pirates Bounty, as the sun is going down. It's turning tonight. The airship is flying away. You guys are just-
Starting point is 01:32:31 Is the sun setting as red as all the horse blood on our- Sun glistening off of the- That's good. Off of the ocean, like horse blood on hard one. I will never be clean. And then you guys see after sort of the fight has settled. You guys see yarn walks up from below deck. What?
Starting point is 01:32:58 With the bag. Oh. What you do with that bag? And you see he's got the infernal book that you guys found And he's got a blade with some blood on it and He's got it open. He goes this looks mighty interesting throw my javila not a roll initiative. Oh 21 I'm not 20 yeah, okay, I rolled a two and a one with my advantage on that. Nine or a nat 20 you're going to get to attack before him.
Starting point is 01:33:32 Go ahead and throw your javelin. Wait, did he, he didn't sign his name yet. He didn't sign his name yet. He was going to like barter. He could deal with you guys, but you've thrown your javelin at him. I think that's the, I'm not going to dig her. I didn't understand he was even trying to negotiate So yeah, we would have been possibly just does a
Starting point is 01:33:51 15 hit yarn it does that's great news It's a soft boy nine I got a second attack right can I throw a throwing axe at him how throwing axes did you have? Because you threw two at the horse that fell. I have four. I've got two throwing axes and two masterwork throwing axes. Throw another throwing axe. Great. That's 19 to hit Yarn. Okay. Eight damage to Yarn. Yarn has the blood in his hand has the book open Starts to speak like he's got a command of the situation instantly hit in the chest with a jab
Starting point is 01:34:33 Hit in the face of the axe Any falls over dead Thank you hard one that was Honey's please that's kind of okay because we still got the gem right I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
Starting point is 01:34:49 I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Okay. All right. That's where we'll end our session. With confusion. Yarn is dead. That's all that matters.
Starting point is 01:35:07 Yeah. The final boss, Yarn. Yarn. Honestly, we were going to have to do something about Yarn anyway. Yeah. White is memory men in Black style because I did not trust him. Yeah, he did. He's worked out.
Starting point is 01:35:18 I love people didn't trust him. He can't leave a pirate alone with the bag of holding. It was a pirate's life for him. You know, you know, like, really. It was a pirate's life for him. You'll know, you'll know. Really. He died on a boat in the sky, but a boat nonetheless. Still feeling you what he was getting himself into. I can't wait until we meet that one demon daddy again
Starting point is 01:35:36 in 30 episodes from now. He's got a really great tan. He's gonna be so mad at you. It'll be fun. You know, you can live on coconuts and oranges. And dolphin meat. Yeah. I'm so precious. You know, you can live on coconuts and oranges. And dolphin meat. Yeah, I got it. Tasty.
Starting point is 01:35:47 We know he's got that. Oh boy. The full nightmare monster has an ability that he can like teleport out. Save it for the short rest. True. But I'm just saying that as a dolphin, you could do that.
Starting point is 01:36:03 That's like the one move that Also in an hour he could teleport out, but he fell already. Yeah, he's gone Oh boy, okay guys. Oh, so that's why he said I wasn't prepared for that. Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, because if we attacked him you could just he could just leave. Wow cool good stuff guys Yeah, good game. Awesome guys Good stuff, guys. I'm Slice. Good game. Awesome, guys.
Starting point is 01:36:25 Hear more of this conversation over at the short res, patreon.com slash nadpod.com. Don't sing yet. What else we got to plug? Call the hell of people watch Big City Greens. Oh, you can check it out on iTunes or Amazon. Oh, and it's also airing on Disney XD now. So, contact your local cable provider.
Starting point is 01:36:43 Nice. Of course, listen to if I were you. Oh, you know what? I have another thing to promote. Yeah. Amir's podcast buckets. Oh, like basketball. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:36:51 If you're one of those rare people that likes D&D and basketball. Hey, those are both numbers. Yeah. It's some nerdy stats in buckets. And I'm on the last episode. So go check out. Oh, right. Check out buckets.
Starting point is 01:37:01 She's fine. You got anything, Pug? Look, man. Like I said, I got a bunch of eyes in the fire Just keeping it on fire. I heard Center good vibes. Please see me on a television show. Yeah And guys go to nadpod.com to get merchant listen to episodes and all that fun stuff Yeah, just enjoy the site. It's beautiful just carb Carbine, Nick Pux. Look around the light.
Starting point is 01:37:25 Yeah, let's say good looking website. We got some new mail from people. I wanted to shout out. Thank you very much to Jeff S for sending us not only some delightful gnomes that are actually good gnomes. Is that the Lord of the Fjord? That's the, yes, that is the Lord of the Fjord themselves.
Starting point is 01:37:41 The Lord of the Sjord. They also sent us this big Nerf D20, which is very fun. It's great, we're gonna try and run to that live show. Uh huh. Chris H sent us a letter addressed to Papa, and it just, when I opened it up, it was a card and it just said, mo, in the biggest font possible.
Starting point is 01:37:57 Ah, beautiful. So funny. And Jeremy, you actually sent us a transcript for a television script for the first episode of the show. So we're submitting that to our reps. It's epic. And if you would like to send us stuff, you can do that at 1920 Hillhurst Avenue, number 222, Los Feliz, California, 90027.
Starting point is 01:38:16 And guys, I haven't decided yet, but I think at our live show, we're going to record it. And that might be next week's episode. It depends on how it comes out. We can record it or not. If we can record it or not. If we can record it and whatnot. Yeah. Since we've kind of settled up here at Smuggler's Bounty. And thank you so much to our guest,
Starting point is 01:38:31 Shavon Thompson, everybody. Yeah, thank you. It's fun for Apple, Scrumper, saved many lives, and took many lives as well. Yeah. Cool guys, and follow us on Twitter at CHMurf is me, at Jake Her, which is Jake at Vordeytomb is Shavon. At E-Axford is Emily, and follow us on Twitter at CHMurf is me, at Jake Herwoods, which is Jake at Vortie Thomas-Chevon. At EXFORD is Emily, and at Call D is Caldwell, Tweet about the show using hashtag NADPOD
Starting point is 01:38:50 that's N-E-D-D-P-O-D. We are, we are, youth of the nation, we are, youth of the show everybody and that means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders. Oh, Melora, you have given us such good friends. Starting with Matthew M. The Bullywug Prince was going to be the Bullywug King but then their evil uncle Smirk killed the king and took over. Currently chilling in the jungle and eating bugs with their friends,
Starting point is 01:39:29 Pomone and Tomba. Oh, I'll take it. Joe and the lover of Lucy turned fiance of Lucy. When worn together, their wedding rings give them permanent advantage on all roles. Unfortunately, it takes one hour long ceremony action to activate them. Wow, Brad D, the only Pebble Pot that is in Craven,
Starting point is 01:39:49 had to learn a powerful form of shadow magic just so he could beat up his relative zone shadows because they are afraid of them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, and J-Loma 72, aka Steelbreaker, hard one's gym inspiration, the inventor of the ultra clean, a lifting technique where you power clean an entire washing machine while it's cleaning your clothes, currently banned from the Bohumi and Olympics for being too swollen. Feels like you could just lift weights, right?
Starting point is 01:40:17 Andrew A. AKA Feldspar Ligard in the half-elf. Unfortunately, there's no other half. Feldspar is literally an Elven cross-section currently employed as an anatomy model in a local doctor's office. I mean, it's just interesting to look at. Kind of just half a body. Taylor Papa, the sixth legendary bond to whom no item isn't an instrument once played Rhapsody in Blue using only the color blue.
Starting point is 01:40:43 I don't know how that word my mind is blue. Dylan B a super weak wizard who wields 12 swords. It doesn't help that the swords are all alive and constantly singing while Dylan is trying to wield them. It's rude really. I think it's fun. Simon W the bootleg of hardwant soft loss. His calves are so small they're actually innings.
Starting point is 01:41:05 It's disgusting. It sounds like it hurts. Danny P. Bohumi is resident artist, painted Hardwan Senior Portrait at the Dwarf and Edge. The portrait is currently hanging in the Iron Deep Museum of Contemporary Art next to several very nice-looking rocks. Oh, I mean, I've got the starved for arts.
Starting point is 01:41:22 You go for the rocks, and then you stay for the portraits. Tom P. Father of the Rums, Sarah Netter of Sleeping Babies, also super good at making babies wake up, which is admittedly a less cool skill, but it's still important in terms of keeping them alive. Yeah, use rarely though. Spencer Cascbrue, patron elder of libations,
Starting point is 01:41:42 ale maker to gods and heroes of Bohemia alike, once invented a beloved caffeinated alcoholic drink called Four Zerco that was eventually outlawed for driving people mad and also giving them foreheads. Still available in Ezri. I mean, Ezri is just a, you know, ma'am. It's a lawless land. It's a lawless land.
Starting point is 01:42:00 Pedro, eat, barred of the mountains, if you're ever climbing and hear a mournful howl echoing off the peak of some forgotten crag, it's probably just the wind. But if you ever hear a spot on cover of some 41's fat lip, that's Pedro. Or in too deep, that's a good tune. Griffin SD, aka the stranger, the silver dragonborn eldritch knight and owner of the batter's pine in and tavern used to have an actual badger as a mascot but the badger got too big for its bridges and opened a rival tavern across the street. They are
Starting point is 01:42:31 rivals to this day. I mean if you're a rat, if your rival is a badger, are you doing something wrong? Are you doing something right? I think you're doing something right. Beard man, Dan is more beard than man these days. I'm afraid still equally the same amount of Dan though. Need a lot of Dan Scott D the most well-known pool shark in all of Smuggler's Bounty famous for being super good at Billiards And also for being a shark that somehow knows how to play Billiards. Oh, I love it. You like that? Yeah, I like that. Aaron C. The Baron of Karen, you are legally required to hug Aaron if you see him in public. The punishment for not hugging Aaron is more hug. Hermes W. The Bat King.
Starting point is 01:43:13 Fun fact, Hermes won their title by appearing on season four of the Hit BBC television show, The Great Bohomian Bat Off. And of course, D. Alexly gave Gemma the advice to break up with Hardwan because she quote, didn't sound that into him. Yikes. Hardwan's coming for you, Bargary. RJW runs a dragon shelter that rehabilitates stray dragons and trains them to be line cooks and restaurants
Starting point is 01:43:53 all across Bohumia. Kind of a sad existence. Spartus, a wizard who made a pact with Elsa to become Bohumia's first whizlock or Warzord. Warzord. But Spart's first, Whizlock, or Warzard. Warzard. But Spartas pervers Whizlock. Adam are a super tall Goliath who frequently gets mistaken for a giant and even went undercover as one during the giant wars.
Starting point is 01:44:17 Helpful, Brent B. Taught Alonus Magic, not Wizard Magic, though. The magic of Make Believe. Alonus took several improv classes with Brent B before Brent B. Plately suggested she stick to regular magic. Ouch. Cassandra MHP starred in the beloved Bohumian film franchise Two Speedy, two spicy about a drag racing group of norms that really value family.
Starting point is 01:44:40 I love it. Matt C, aka Mattie Big Critz, aka Matthias of House Crit. After much demand, Mattie Big Critz aka Matthias of House Crit. After much demand, Mattie has decided to open the House of Critz, an institution in which he teaches followers how to crit like him. Wow, you know, it sounds like a scam. It kind of does. Danielle, the Dastardly Dame. Danielle is so dastardly, they once tricked a traveling gnome with the gnome's own deck
Starting point is 01:45:04 of many things. That gnome to this day is trapped in a cubic zirconium broached that Danielle wears to holiday parties. You see a K. Howl door frostback MVP of the giant wars crewed on the SS stormborn and fought alongside Elias and Red. A barbarian warrior from the frigid north who brought Christmas to the Cric. AKA Cricmas. Cricmas.
Starting point is 01:45:26 Mani the mundane accidental deity you got in the way of a lich is spelt to reach divinity. Whenever you wake up 30 seconds before your alarm goes off, that's Mani smiling down on you. I would argue that's a bad thing. Daniel Yu, aka Multifor, the owner of a sweet boat that sounds like Gilbert Godfried. We don't usually mention this, but they're in the Coast Guard. That Gilbert Godfrey'd sounding boat is military grade. Jordan DJ, legendary DJ of the realm, currently doing a residence at Smuggler's Bounty
Starting point is 01:45:55 and keeps accidentally going home with Sucubusis. And yet lived to tell the tale. Jeffreas, Lord of the Fjord, born of the sword toward the north shore via skateboard Jersey Is Balnor's next door neighbor back in 1914 America where world war one is just Cutter W high-ealth dandy turned Crick-Ealth barcatech has been making a killing thanks to the tiny house trend and recently appeared on HGTV's lifestyles of the Crick and Famous. Lex S was part of Snot's lot,
Starting point is 01:46:28 but only for the Y. He pieced out when they started dealing in gem trap doors. You know, you gotta get out before you get too deep. John S, aka Shubber the Mushroom, secretly enjoys the occasional grilled mushroom on their burgers, the most adorable little cannibal. Wow. So August, as long as it's on the burger and not the actual burger.
Starting point is 01:46:47 James B, an ancient pixie who imbued bev's new boots with their magic powers known around the Fey Wild as Yippurt Skippert. Ryan M, a brave warrior who helped Mishka fight off the barbarians during the battle for Moonstone. The only reason our heroes didn't run into them is because they ran off once they realized they were alone in a room full of recently murdered people.
Starting point is 01:47:11 Alaina C has a plus 12 to deception, but chooses not to use it because they believe in honesty. That's nice. That's so beautiful. Andrew M. Achoz in Night who doesn't flaunt the religion in your face, just tries to live by a code and help their neighbor. A real solid person who wears a lot of sweaters. Ricky, A.K.A.
Starting point is 01:47:31 Jiggy, Ricky, have the cricky once kick-flipped over Pete True while he was trying to put him in the timeout bag. Get in the bag, Ricky! Andrew R. was the tallest dwarf in the dwarf image until Hard One showed up. His hellbent on killing a hard one so they can earn back their title long dwarf. A long dwarf. And of course, cannibalistic cthulhu, a totally nonviolent fighter, has feats like talk it out and riding a song to express your anger. That's good. Michael McD, head mixologist at the Blumana Inn, it's a little known secret that there
Starting point is 01:48:05 is no air elemental bartender at the Blumana. It's just big Mike slinging drinks so fast, you think it was the air. Oh, that is a secret alright, actually, it'd probably be public about that. Then of course, Blitzprieg, Dmitri, famous dorgers, owns and runs below it franchise, dorgers, big burgers. For a limited time you can get a double rat burger with goat man cheese for three copper and a sock. That's disgusting all around.
Starting point is 01:48:32 Victor T, Balnor's boy whose loving dad was ripped from his family and transported to another world. Secretly hopes that wherever his dad is, he's finding love. And in a way, he has. No! Oh! Henry A lives in the elemental chaos just straight up enjoyed it there and settled down. His real body is just nude somewhere in the woods near the creek.
Starting point is 01:48:56 That's terrifying. If you see him, just let him be. He's happy. Benfield taught Akarot his excellent penmanship and how to love. Oh, well, I should use the better. Kongi was hit by the falling dolphin in the death night. Well, more like grazed, I should say, but they're real shaken up about it. I mean, I would just hell night falling out of the sky on a dolphin. Lance W, a master of pole arms.
Starting point is 01:49:21 Lance is super pissed. They didn't think to call themselves Lance master of Lances, but it's too late now the business cards have been printed. You know when that happens, Justin I is so good at conserving their spells that they've never taken a long rest. They have gone insane from lack of sleep though, just an insane wizard with a lot of spells. Pretty dangerous honestly. Terrifying. Caleb defeated Ulfgar in a drinking contest. Both of them were too drunk to remember, though. I hate it when that happens. You know, God, I mean the amount of times that, okay.
Starting point is 01:49:54 Clay and M, a claymation Dalmation, turned into a dog by an evil necromancer. Clayton has since grown up into an awesome pup. He recently met a wizard who offered to turn him back into a boy, but he said he prefers being a dope dog made of clay. Don't know what any of that man. TJM, a werewolf who's been trying to quit eating livestock and do a raw vegan thing. But he's thinking he might allow himself fish from time to time up, he's eating a goat,
Starting point is 01:50:23 he's devouring a goat now. Yeah, if it's a goat man, I'll let it slide. And next up is the professional, the only lawyer to ever successfully beat Papa in litigation. Little do they know, Papa was aware he was defending a truly evil criminal and through the whole case. Really? I was about to say. Really, really, really.
Starting point is 01:50:44 Jacob C., a rogue giant who can't sneak for shit but is often able to disguise himself as large trees ships and houses. Elena M once beat Oafcar in an arm wrestling match and Shay in a yoga competition. They have this? Yoga competition? Do they? Wake up where have you been gone off has gone off the rails literally He's been on an arcane bender so intense that a hard one gets the six just thinking about it This dude is a party animal make pucks the code master who just launched our website and you best believe he crit on that Fish at 20 Earl E is never late, always early, and always the last to leave.
Starting point is 01:51:26 It seems excessive, but he washes the dishes, which is very kind. Oh, you know, I always do that when I stay at an Airbnb. You got to, in this kind of writing culture. Okay, Dylan M, a daring warrior goes into battle, juggling three weapons, so he always has a new way to kill you. One of the things he juggles is a dull butter knife. Two, so be careful, because that death, you aid hurts the most.
Starting point is 01:51:52 Certainly does. Jive G, a half orc BMX biker who is launching Bohumi's first ever X games featuring Apple Scrumper in the mud pipe. Oh, I would love to see Apple's grumber in the X games. Corbin A owns the equinox that the ripped satyrs work out in the Feywild. And the Feywild. I mean, let's be honest, the Feywild is just one big equinox. He blasts the techno super hard so their workouts are always epic.
Starting point is 01:52:19 Atlas Storm Reaper commands the currents and controls the weather. Cord watches Atlas's weather patterns like old guys watch the NFL. Six Storm, he'll often shout out of the sky. Jostritch, the Joc ostrich aka the world's only swole bird. Their eggs are the size of basketballs and as heavy as a kettlebell. Cameron McKee, a wizard who uses a sword instead of a wand, he can cast spells and stab you. Emas LD, the guy currently dating Hardwands X, and she's told him lots of secrets about Mr. Sherfrud. Ooh, Cameron C opened Bohumius first, we work at the Crick. It's a giant stump that no one works at,
Starting point is 01:53:01 but they do gather around the conference table every morning for their AM Crick Tales. Oh, that sounds like a nice way to start the day with a Crick Tale. Oh yeah, and a nice way to end the Council of Elders. Thank you, he liked the transition. It was excellent. Thank you guys so much for listening. Thank you. Head on over to the Patreon to listen to the short rest and catch us next week for another episode. Thank you to our listeners, thank you to our Patreon subscribers, and thank you to our council of elders.
Starting point is 01:53:26 We'll catch you guys next time. Goodbye. Bye.

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